# oy, it's letters to people and things, part deuce!



## supersoup

you know the drill, fine dimensioners!!

need to express something, but need a venue for it? have at it here!





dear refrigerator,

i love you. you make my water icy cold in under an hour, and i'll never be able to thank you enough. so in return, i feel it is my duty to keep you svelte, so i'll be digging into those macaroni leftovers here shortly...

in love of foodz,
soup

-------------------------------------------------------------------

dear maggie and dacey,

i miss you two turds something fierce. i'm beyond elated that i've moved to massachusetts finally, but i miss you fuzzballs. bother mama for me, and make sure josh stays on his toes. a poo or two in the house ought to do the trick...

love,
manda

--------------------------------------------------------------------

dear dimensions,

i love you. thanks for the family i've made, and the giggles you've given me.

-soupy

p.s. link to the original oy thread


----------



## vardon_grip

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Sony,
> 
> Congrats, you've finally made a virtually indestructable video game console and the games to go with it.
> 
> A few nights ago my uncle got piss drunk....literrally, he pissed all over my DVD/VCR player, PS3 and any un-opened DVD's that were nearby.
> 
> The Godfather 3 was totally discolored in the front and the back plus it still stinks, but I popped it in and it works just fine. Same with the console itself....not a skip or a glitch at all. I even tried a movie that was caught in the stream and the system played it no problem.
> 
> Its funny how a simple drop of water could fuck up a Sega Genesis game back in the day but a PS3 can be peed on and still work fine, god bless technology
> 
> -
> Hayes




This a direct result of Sony's hiring R. Kelly as quality control supervisor.


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear thread,

Subscribe 

Love,

FLW


----------



## OneWickedAngel

vardon_grip said:


> This a direct result of Sony's hiring R. Kelly as quality control supervisor.



So right! so wrong!


----------



## Surlysomething

Dear Greek Restaurant 

Thank you. Thank you. Souvlaki is just what I needed. Plus good conversation with a great friend.


Tina

:bow:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear New Guy I have started dating:

I effing love how you randomly text messaged me today because you want to see me :wubu:

Your future kinky new GF :batting:


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear GEF,

Cheating on me again? However will our e-love survive this?

You've ruined my faith in women.

Signed,

FLW


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear GEF,
> 
> Cheating on me again? However will our e-love survive this?
> 
> You've ruined my faith in women.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> FLW



Dear FLW

Be nice to me and do my eyes real good.....and maybe I will let you watch whenever I finally sleep with the guy  

Lucky gal 

Your Kinky Eye Fairy


----------



## gypsy

Dear Computer Power Supply,

How DARE you conk out on a night I have a fucking Naxx raid scheduled? Now I have to update the old clunker and hope that it won't take it 5 hours to install Wrath of the Lich King. 

Or maybe I'll get a real life and GO OUTSIDE. SO THERE. 

Sternly,

Addict

PS... oh shit, I really sound pathetic there. But not as pathetic as YOU, power supply!


----------



## Famouslastwords

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear FLW
> 
> Be nice to me and do my eyes real good.....and maybe I will let you watch whenever I finally sleep with the guy
> 
> Lucky gal
> 
> Your Kinky Eye Fairy



Ok. I guess ._.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

*does FLW in the eye real good when she's not looking....*


Feel better now?


----------



## Famouslastwords

I'm missing an eye now!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear FLW,


You know as well as I do that an extra orifice is every man's dream.....


Lovingly Yours that did you a HUGE favor,
Moi


----------



## SMA413

Dear Creepy Cafeteria Guy-

Um... Thanks for the offer to be my "toad boy". I don't really know how to respond to that. So yeah. I'm kinda glad the cafeteria closes early on the weekends so I can go elsewhere for my late night lunch.

- Samantha

PS- Thanks for the free desserts. That's pretty much the only reason I haven't completely shot you down and ignore you.

-----

Dear Favorite Person-

Hope work doesn't suck completely today. Miss you like crazy.

- Samantha

PS- I'm thinking August. Thoughts?


----------



## Proner

Dear sponsor

I'm just so happy to find people who believe in me, you just boost up my self-confidence. I know it should be a hard decision because with many back injuries I could stop surfing a any moment so thank you, I was down with this annoying back injury and confidence issues and you helped me to stand up again.

Thank you
Romain


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Wal-Mart:

Please take note that the size and color of your Equate Brand Anti-Gas Medicine softgels bears remarkable similarity to your brand of stimulant laxatives. Apparently at 5am in the morning under less than optimal lighting, my desire to relieve myself of the previous day's HealthyChoice Tortilla Soup (which should actually be called "One Dorito and 300 Beans") discomfort led to a rather splattacular event later that morning.

I will never again take that medication's patented Shitmaself(tm) technology for granted. Although the walk from my desk to the bathroom is a scant 50 steps, it may as well be the Bataan Death March when the Admiral is fixing to fire his rectal trebuchet, if you get my meaning.

This public service message brought to you by the number 2.


----------



## Surlysomething

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Wal-Mart:
> 
> Please take note that the size and color of your Equate Brand Anti-Gas Medicine softgels bears remarkable similarity to your brand of stimulant laxatives. Apparently at 5am in the morning under less than optimal lighting, my desire to relieve myself of the previous day's HealthyChoice Tortilla Soup (which should actually be called "One Dorito and 300 Beans") discomfort led to a rather splattacular event later that morning.
> 
> I will never again take that medication's patented Shitmaself(tm) technology for granted. Although the walk from my desk to the bathroom is a scant 50 steps, it may as well be the Bataan Death March when the Admiral is fixing to fire his rectal trebuchet, if you get my meaning.
> 
> This public service message brought to you by the number 2.




You're an ass (har har)


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Surlysomething said:


> You're an ass (har har)


If nothing else, that event earned me my own private work bathroom


----------



## Rowan

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Wal-Mart:
> 
> Please take note that the size and color of your Equate Brand Anti-Gas Medicine softgels bears remarkable similarity to your brand of stimulant laxatives. Apparently at 5am in the morning under less than optimal lighting, my desire to relieve myself of the previous day's HealthyChoice Tortilla Soup (which should actually be called "One Dorito and 300 Beans") discomfort led to a rather splattacular event later that morning.
> 
> I will never again take that medication's patented Shitmaself(tm) technology for granted. Although the walk from my desk to the bathroom is a scant 50 steps, it may as well be the Bataan Death March when the Admiral is fixing to fire his rectal trebuchet, if you get my meaning.
> 
> This public service message brought to you by the number 2.




Oh my goodness this made me laugh out loud at work and I got shushed lol


----------



## snuggletiger

Rowan said:


> Oh my goodness this made me laugh out loud at work and I got shushed lol



This is why I am glad I have my own office with a door and mini blinds so I can laugh ala Desi Arnaz and not get the shushment.


----------



## Famouslastwords

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Wal-Mart:
> 
> Please take note that the size and color of your Equate Brand Anti-Gas Medicine softgels bears remarkable similarity to your brand of stimulant laxatives. Apparently at 5am in the morning under less than optimal lighting, my desire to relieve myself of the previous day's HealthyChoice Tortilla Soup (which should actually be called "One Dorito and 300 Beans") discomfort led to a rather splattacular event later that morning.
> 
> I will never again take that medication's patented Shitmaself(tm) technology for granted. Although the walk from my desk to the bathroom is a scant 50 steps, it may as well be the Bataan Death March when the Admiral is fixing to fire his rectal trebuchet, if you get my meaning.
> 
> This public service message brought to you by the number 2.



Jesus, this is hilarious shit.

Pun intended!


----------



## A Bolder Boulder FA

Dear work -

Nobody works in the wine industry past 3 PM, particularly on upcoming Memorial Day weekend.

I think I'm gonna just go home already.

-C


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Friend

Friendship...look that word up in the dictionary cos I don't think you really know what that word means. I feel like you wasted my time. People warned me about you. I didn't listen to the rumors because I wanted to know you for YOU--not for the rumors that people spread about you. I accepted you into my life thinking that you were sincere and honest. I shared stories about my family and myself with you. I gave you the benefit of doubt and we became friends. We shared commonalities a had a kinship. The fact that you could so easily throw away a meaningful friendship speaks volumes about you. I was a good friend to you. I gave you comfort, encouragement, and friendship when you needed it because that is what friends do. I am sad that you decided to take that away. I do miss talking to you and I hope that life is treating you kind. Whatever it is that you are looking for, I hope that you find it (cos I think you've been looking for a very long time) Peace love and happiness to you my friend.
Take care of you, 
Terri


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear House,

Please unpack yourself, hang all your own pictures...etc.

Thanks!

One damn tired fat girl


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Wal-Mart:
> 
> Please take note that the size and color of your Equate Brand Anti-Gas Medicine softgels bears remarkable similarity to your brand of stimulant laxatives. Apparently at 5am in the morning under less than optimal lighting, my desire to relieve myself of the previous day's HealthyChoice Tortilla Soup (which should actually be called "One Dorito and 300 Beans") discomfort led to a rather splattacular event later that morning.
> 
> I will never again take that medication's patented Shitmaself(tm) technology for granted. Although the walk from my desk to the bathroom is a scant 50 steps, it may as well be the Bataan Death March when the Admiral is fixing to fire his rectal trebuchet, if you get my meaning.
> 
> This public service message brought to you by the number 2.



*"...fixing to fire his rectal trebuchet..." The visuals! O.M.G! The visuals! *


----------



## Haunted

Dear you,
Get the house ready, you have to get things ready so get off your.ass and get on it already there's a lot to do and probably not a lot of time! So get to work, there's nothing else you can do from here. Except to get things ready FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS and quit your whining already

Sincerely
ME


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear people I live with,

We've had this agreement for quite some time now...you stay out of the food I buy, and I stay out of yours. I've upheld my end of the bargain, which I'll be honest, hasn't been easy for me, especially when you buy all this delicious-looking junk and I'm stuck with Ramen noodles. But... it was our agreement, so I've stuck to it. 

In case you haven't noticed, I'm fat. Very, very fat. This should clue you in to the fact that, yes, I can put some food away. :eat2: So if you want me to stay out of your stuff, STAY OUT OF MINE. This is the fifth time you've taken some of mine without asking first, and I am about to start in on yours without asking and show you just how it feels. 

Except that's passive-aggressive...and I'm adult...so I'll actually probably talk to you about this later today. *Sigh.* But STAY OUT OF MY ICE CREAM GODDAMMIT.


----------



## Sugar

Dear Internet,

Thanks for him...he's pretty perfect. :wubu:

Sincerely,

Sarah


----------



## LisaInNC

Lucky said:


> Dear Internet,
> 
> Thanks for him...he's pretty perfect. :wubu:
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Sarah



omg! Where have you been? I thought he hacked you up and made a woman suit!!


----------



## Sugar

LisaInNC said:


> omg! Where have you been? I thought he hacked you up and made a woman suit!!



LOL no! I'm intact, very happy and semi healthy. 

I needed a week or two of "Serenity Now" from chat and this week hes here (until Wednesday).


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Lucky said:


> Dear Internet,
> 
> Thanks for him...he's pretty perfect. :wubu:
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Sarah



Awww, yay!!!  I'm so glad you're still alive. LOL. And that you had such a great time.  I look forward to details...but not TOO MANY details.


----------



## Sugar

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Awww, yay!!!  I'm so glad you're still alive. LOL. And that you had such a great time.  I look forward to details...but not TOO MANY details.



Do I ever spill the beans? Geez


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Wonka Candies:

I would like to take a moment to inform you of the gross lack of warning labels on your boxes of Nerds(R) brand candies. There is absolutely no indication on the box that tells you not to laugh or inhale while eating.

Last week while perusing a rather whimsical installment of Mary Worth, I perchanced to eat your delicious candies while reading the inevitable denouement where Mary (in her inimitable journalistic style) tells her male co-worker that she wouldn't suck his cock if she were poisoned and the antidote was in his semen.

As I was laughing intensely, I inhaled about 15 pieces of said candies directly into my sinus cavity. The pain is largely indescribable, but I would imagine is similar to going down a slide covered in rubbing alcohol and landing directly onto a bed of razor blades. You are then doused with lemon juice and pepper spray directly into the eyes, mouth and rectum. I wanted to decapitate myself just to keep the pain in my head from affecting the rest of my (now dead) body.

Ironically, the flashes of color I experienced behind my eyes as the candies set off the equivalent of optical nerve diarrhea were not all that different from the colors of your delicious morsels. Purple and pink are no longer soothing colors to me, thankyouverymuch. The 26 kleenexes I used in the next ten minutes trying to extricate these little particles of brain acid looked like someone was trying to clean up a pile of fairy barf.

To wit, I would please request that you immediately add the warning not to eat the candies while inhaling deeply or reading humorous material on your candy containers. This will undoubtedly save lives in the long run.

Tag you berry mudd, 

De Adbirald's Node


----------



## Shosh

Dear older sister,

I am tired of you complaining about our family dogs. You do not like dogs, I get it.

You say they are dirty and too boisterous, well your children are not always a barrel of laughs either.
Stop making me feel like a leper when I pat one of the dogs, and insist that I wash my hands the minute I stop patting them. 

I trust you will not carry on like this when Hope comes to live at my house.

Grrr.

Shoshie


----------



## Famouslastwords

You know Shoshie, I'm so weird that way. Whenever I pet someone else's animal when I'm done I wash my hands, but I'm in no rush whenever I pet my own, I guess cuz I know I'm going to pet them again soon. Don't let your sister boss you around though. You're a big girl.


----------



## mossystate

Dear people of the world, 

Please do not allow others to discount your experiences. If something, or someone, has made you uncomfortable, you have the right to not live with the initial onslaught, nor the aftermath that can feel like you did something wrong by standing up for yourself.

Too often, we don't want to ' make a fuss '...we wonder if we did the right thing by saying no, or are unsure if we have the right to go about our day and not put up with the ' fenderbenders, dings and loud honking horns '. 

When we are not allowed to present our experiences, we then tunnel back into ourselves in a very unhealthy manner, so the next time, we keep quiet, as to not be labeled. That is dangerous to our very cores. We all have the right to be heard. This, I think, is important, whether your experiences have you being denied monumental things like basic human and civil rights...or ' even ' when you say no...and it is not respected. 

It all matters. You all matter. We all matter.

M


----------



## SMA413

Dear Mark-

Stop being a diabetic douche nozzle. You're a 30 yr old man. Be responsible and fuckin take care of yourself. Don't complain to me that you feel high (and I know it's not the 420 kind) if you're not gonna do anything about it.

- Samantha


----------



## Shosh

To the tools that are bullying my older sister at work,

Knock it off! I have zero tolerance for such behaviour.

Stop ordering her around. What did your last slaves die of?

Stop putting her down and making her feel less of a person.

Yes she can be a bit earnest, and a bit peppy, but she is my annoying and earnest and peppy, dog hating, obsessive hand washing older sister, and I love her.

You all deserve a knuckle sandwich, and I am just the person to serve it up to you.

Grrr.


----------



## Bafta1

Dear Me,

That awful-tasting stuff in the fridge that you used to call "miraculous milk" because it never seemed to go bad... Yeah, well... I hate to break it to you... it probably was pretty bad. Thanks for changing it.

Have a normal-looking coffee on me.

Me.


----------



## Shosh

Bafta1 said:


> Dear Me,
> 
> That awful-tasting stuff in the fridge that you used to call "miraculous milk" because it never seemed to go bad... Yeah, well... I hate to break it to you... it probably was pretty bad. Thanks for changing it.
> 
> Have a normal-looking coffee on me.
> 
> Me.



Haha! Oy Va Voy is right.


----------



## soleil3313

Dear Alex, 

Just because you feel the need to be in control of everything doesn't mean I always have to agree with you. NO, I WON'T agree with you just to make you think you're right, because I don't think the same way you do. I'm not going to jump down someone's throat just because they asked you a question. The answer was no, that's it. No need to cause all the drama, who cares if she asked? She wanted to bring someone...we didn't plan for that, so no, she can't. Will I jump on your bandwagon and say she offended all of us by even asking the freaking question? NO....she asked, we denied, end of story. If she wants to come (alone) so be it. Fini! Get over yourself! Ugh! 

Sarah


----------



## Cleofatra_74

Dear You,

Thank you for being your amazing self 

Sincerely Me.

--------------------------------------

Dear girl I work with,

Thank you for finally being easier to work with. I now don't hate going to work on Thursdays. Please keep it up 

From Chelle


----------



## goofy girl

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear people I live with,
> 
> We've had this agreement for quite some time now...you stay out of the food I buy, and I stay out of yours. I've upheld my end of the bargain, which I'll be honest, hasn't been easy for me, especially when you buy all this delicious-looking junk and I'm stuck with Ramen noodles. But... it was our agreement, so I've stuck to it.
> 
> In case you haven't noticed, I'm fat. Very, very fat. This should clue you in to the fact that, yes, I can put some food away. :eat2: So if you want me to stay out of your stuff, STAY OUT OF MINE. This is the fifth time you've taken some of mine without asking first, and I am about to start in on yours without asking and show you just how it feels.
> 
> Except that's passive-aggressive...and I'm adult...so I'll actually probably talk to you about this later today. *Sigh.* But STAY OUT OF MY ICE CREAM GODDAMMIT.




Dear Ginny,

That sucks. I have been through that myself. I used this little trick to make myself feel better, so maybe it will help you, too.

This works especially well with ice cream. When you notice things have been consumed and it was not by you, once the container is empty DO NOT DISCARD of it. Instead, leave a little note inside such as "oh..gee...I was looking forward having ice cream, too..but it's gone" or just "haha fooled ya"..or "there might be some left it you hadn't taken some without asking". Another favorite is "If you buy some more I promise I'll just take a little bit".

Yes, it might cause more problems depending on the personality if the person you live with...but so worth it!! 

Oh, if that doesn't work, stick all the ice cream containers into empty frozen veggie bags, or cookies into rice boxes - you get the idea. 

Your friend-
Goofy


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Loan Lady
I can't make statements from June fly out of my ass considering its still the end of May. And yaaay jeeper creeper you see the money is there, you know its more then i need to bring to the escrow joint. So lets all it a cinch, ink the deal and gimme they keys

Furniture company (Larry Et al) Yeah the couch & sofa set I wanted you sold out from under me thats ok, but in retrospecto the couch I really wanted that you want to sell me now doesn't look so good. Kinda has that 60's half couch look. But hey there's a 4th of July sale so hah you might have some better crap for sale.

Ex. Someone Nice isn't gonna be as good as me. Just hope that someday someplace sometime your heart will/would love me as much as mine did you.
As for your kids. I don't know how to be likeable to 2 teens especially one bipolar one. if you got a hint on how i can pull that hat trick off please by all means drop a hint.

Destiny i.e. Fate not the paysite Model. I got the house I wanted and financed it so big Hah on you
:happy: *does Seinfeld's obnoxious Helloooooo*


----------



## gypsy

Dear Next Door Neighbour's Car,

I usually don't wish death on anyone or thing, but please don't wake up the next time your owner inserts his keys in your ignition. And please make sure it's a problem that would cost thousands to repair. I really am getting tired of my windows shaking from your big ass stereo. 

Sincerely,

Please Go To Car Heaven


----------



## Blackjack

gypsy said:


> Dear Next Door Neighbour's Car,
> 
> I usually don't wish death on anyone or thing, but please don't wake up the next time your owner inserts his keys in your ignition. And please make sure it's a problem that would cost thousands to repair. I really am getting tired of my windows shaking from your big ass stereo.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Please Go To Car Heaven



Why not just wish death on the stereo?

Even better, steal it, or the bass system.


----------



## gypsy

Blackjack said:


> Why not just wish death on the stereo?
> 
> Even better, steal it, or the bass system.



Dear Beej,

If I wished death on the stereo, there is a very good chance he would just ... buy a new stereo.

If I wish death upon the car, hopefully he will not be able to sink money into another car quite as easily as one would with a stereo. 

Luv,

Already Thought Of That


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

gypsy said:


> Dear Beej,
> 
> If I wished death on the stereo, there is a very good chance he would just ... buy a new stereo.
> 
> If I wish death upon the car, hopefully he will not be able to sink money into another car quite as easily as one would with a stereo.
> 
> Luv,
> 
> Already Thought Of That



Unfortunately, he will most likely remove his current stereo and install it in his new car. lol


----------



## undrcovrbrothr

Dear Life,

Yes, it is me again- big surprise!!!! 

If you have any regard for the happiness of truly good people, you will make it possible for the greatest meeting since the Transatlantic Railroad and the "Golden Spike"! Even if I have to get down on my hands and knees in a bog and plead for intervention, I will do it! What do I need to do?!! Give me a sign!!!!!!

Sincerely with the utmost respect for you,

Me.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear 20 dollar bill that I thought I lost in the grocery store.

Thank you for being at home, safe and sound--tucked away for use some other day, However, please don't scare me like that again. Do not wait until I am IN the line to pay before disappearing. In fact please don't disappear at all. Naughty naughty.

Dear Sister Shae
Thanks for covering my overage at the grocery store. I am happy that I could pay you back cos the money was at home and not in some strangers pocket. You are fantastic.

Tay


----------



## Haunted

Dear wonderful old lady i met last year,

I met you at a particularly low point in my life, for some reason you asked the right questions at the right time and i opened up like a book. you called my faith into question, but also validated the decisions i was making even when i was questioning my own motives. 

your comments that day affected me deeper than you will ever know, and not a day goes by that i don't think about what you told me. iv wanted to write or call but i have no way of contacting you, i could try to find your house again and get your address that way. id hate to look like a stalker though! 

thank you for being a random stranger and showing me support where i never thought id find it. thank you for not judging me. and thank you for the kind words when i needed them most. 

God Bless You Ma'am 
Your security tech, 

p.s. don't be surprised if i do find your address and send a card i'm sorry i didn't try to contact you sooner


----------



## kittencat

Dear Beast Master,
im not sure if anyone has informed you of how awesome you are.No one can quite wear a loin cloth the way that you do.You give Manowar a run for their money in the loin cloth department.And anyone who has farrets has to be cool.Ever since i saw you with them i wanted to get 2 also and, name them he who smashes teeth and he who mashes teeth.No one kicks ass as much as you do with your animal friends raging war against marauding forces! Maax never stood a chance against you your sorcery/supernatural powers and legion of animal friends.

Sincerely,
Cat


----------



## Gingembre

Dear boy,

You are awesome and I am falling hook, line & sinker. Seriously, you're like the best person ever. Not sure how things will end up (what's a few thousand miles eh?! *sigh*) but right now I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Thank you for that.

<3 the girly x


----------



## kittencat

Dearest Val's,
I understand that your diner is small.And business must be a bit slow.BUT WTF closed on monday.I had plans! we were going to get burgers and i wanted a friggen chocolate shake,so did mat.But i was told that you guys were not open mondays.It mad my heart heavy with sorrow.Please re consider your decision to be closed on monday.Cus that is no good.Srs business.Omnomnom.:eat1:


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Neighborhood Committee:

You need to have a serious talk with the [_offensive slang term_] up the street and their largely non-motile vehicles that only give the indication that they will soon be on cinder blocks. We pay $100 a year for neighborhood dues and over 5 grand in property taxes--this shall not stand. Yes, they were able to purchase said home through a mine subsidence sale, but as a largely agnostic person I don't wish to start praying for a complete collapse of the domicile. Merely implosion Poltergeist-style into a pinpoint singularity, then winking out of this dimension forever.

The warnings don't help. Threats of police, either. These [_offensive slang term_] scare easily but they will be back, and in greater numbers. Hence we must carve them out like a festering sore deep inside the colon. I recommend 24/7 bombardment with Sharper Image catalogs and Celine Dion music.

Sincerely,

The homeowner who really fucking hates the smell of Deliverance in the morning


----------



## Haunted

Dear Universe,

Next Fri, June 12th We could really use your cooperation, everything i have put out to you comes down to this single day. 

believing it really is possible. 
Haunted


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Jeff Foxworthy:

Please inquire with the Division of Standards and the FCC as to the offensive nature of a term you use ubiquitously in your standup. Granted much like the n-word, within context it may seem acceptable but for some reason if you do not actually identify with the demographic, it is considered patently offensive.

Thanks,

A Confused Admiral

_Dr. Hibbert_: Yes, I remember Bart's birth well. You don't forget a thing like ... [dramatic chord] Siamese twins!
_Lisa_ _Simpson_: I believe they prefer to be called "conjoined twins".
_Dr. __Hibbert_: And Hillbillies prefer to be called "sons of the soil". But it ain't gonna happen.


----------



## Rowan

dear co-worker,

I am one of the most knowledgable people about this job and when I correct what you're telling your trainee, it is because I want her to have accurate information when working with a customer. So how dare you snap at me the way you did. Admit you were wrong, dont just act like a bitch.

sincerely,
fed up with stupid coworkers


----------



## Victim

Dear RL..'s

If someone had told me a couple years ago that you actually existed, I would have laughed my ass off and followed that up with words you have undoubtably heard before that included things like "bullshit", "one or two suicidal psychos","No 'effin way...", etc. I might have been more ready to believe that people have been beamed up by aliens, or wizards, vampires, and werewolves were real as well. Some of you prefer that people discover your existence on their own, and others are quite public about it. I found you at a time in my life when I was ready to acknowledge you existed. There seems to be well over 300 of you, probably many more that haven't made themselves known yet. IMHO there needs to be about 300,000 of you. YES, I do think that some of you are a few Froot Loops short of a well-balanced breakfast, but in a good way. I never liked the green ones anyway. What the heck are those supposed to be? They sure aren't lime.

Many of you possess impressive investigative skills, and are undoubtably reading this after I discovered you. In your line of work, a little paranoia will keep you around longer. Like I've told you, I can never become one of you, but I have decided to help you in any way I can, within reason (I'm still not sure what I can do for you). I have a wife who shares much of my view on life and wasn't TOO surprised to find out you were real. She has stated that any decision I make is going to affect her, and of course she is 100% correct, so I won't be joining your ranks, at least on the front lines. Since you're here reading this, there are some of you that may not have known we exist either! Welcome. OK, nowhere NEAR as strange, but this is part of who I am. I'm not screaming things from the rooftops, but I don't really keep a lot of secrets like you people need to. You seem to be quite an accepting and very non judgemental bunch, so I think the whole fat acceptance thing will register as a no big deal. There might even be an FA or two among you, and dare I even assume perhaps a BHM or BBW (fat man or fat woman). If this is not the case, PLEASE don’t blow off someone from working with you just because they happen to be fat. I’d be kidding myself if I thought I could do what you can, but as some of you have said, each of you works in your own way. Wait and see what we are capable of and I think you'll discover we are people just like you with our own unique capabilities.

As to Dimensions people trying to figure out whose Koolaid I've been drinking, I'm not going to come right out and say it, I'll leave that up to you to find out. It isn't too hard to figure out really, but you have to be in a certain frame of mind to discover and accept it, like I was. I'm not going to directly invite ridicule on these people (we ALL know how that feels, now don't we?) so just Google around a bit, or you can say "WTF?" and ignore me. If you have the ah-ha! moment, keep it to yourself or PM me, some of these people don't like publicity, but some do.

There really are more things in Heaven and Earth than can possibly be imagined. 

I'll part with a wish that I really hope nobody gets killed, including yourselves. Be safe. You are doing a good thing, no matter what the world may think of you.

Yours truly, drinking the Koolaid, and not eating all of his Froot Loops.


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Dear Freeloading Fannie,

How dare you contact me the way you did asking for a loan. If you don't have the means to leave from somewhere, you have no business going to there. It's not as if you were already at the location and were suddenly stranded. You haven't even left for the destination, yet you're asking for a loan to help you get back home? WTF? Who the hell do you think you're playing?

We are barely acquaintances. You were visiting; I was in a very good mood, had a little extra money and happily being frivolous by treating you (but mostly me) to a fantastic meal at one of my favorite restaurants. That was by no means an invitation for you to think you can freeload off me. 

Signed,
You Must Think I'm Effin' Stupid


----------



## TraciJo67

Dear OWA:

I went gambling on Saturday and lost my entire paycheck. Do you think you could float me a loan until I get paid again? I have bills to pay, after all.

Love,
Freeloading Effie



OneWickedAngel said:


> Dear Freeloading Fannie,
> 
> How dare you contact me the way you did asking for a loan. If you don't have the means to leave from somewhere, you have no business going to there. It's not as if you were already at the location and were suddenly stranded. You haven't even left for the destination, yet you're asking for a loan to help you get back home? WTF? Who the hell do you think you're playing?
> 
> We are barely acquaintances. You were visiting; I was in a very good mood, had a little extra money and happily being frivolous by treating you (but mostly me) to a fantastic meal at one of my favorite restaurants. That was by no means an invitation for you to think you can freeload off me.
> 
> Signed,
> You Must Think I'm Effin' Stupid


----------



## mossystate

SOMEbody needs to change her hoity and toity avatar.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear FreeLoading Fannie,

Stop wasting your time.....just go straight to TraciJo to get a loan. We all know she has money....duh :doh:

Signed,
Captain Obvious


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Constantly Aching Head,

I was worried that you are a sign of something bad. I hoped much that you were simply aggravated from sinus allergies....but alas, my old friend high BP is having it's way with me again. The nice guy who works at the firehouse got a reading of 140/92 this evening. That extra six pounds I quickly put on since a few days ago was another sure sign....of me retaining fluid that needs to get out of my bloodstream. 

All the walking hasn't been enough.....I NEED my medication bumped back up after the short lived happiness of seeing it lowered. This is very disappointing. I would like to live a life free of dependency on medication....but if I need it to avoid having a stroke, then I will take it religiously. 
Age and weight gain has not been friendly.....and it seems that the WW point system is looming up ahead in the near future. 
I want to live long enough to see my children grow up.....so here's to hoping you feel much better soon.

Moi


----------



## TraciJo67

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear FreeLoading Fannie,
> 
> Stop wasting your time.....just go straight to TraciJo to get a loan. We all know she has money....duh :doh:
> 
> Signed,
> Captain Obvious



Dear Geffie,

It is true that I have money.

About 97 cents, to be precise.

Unless you count the untapped limit on my credit cards, in which case it would be 97 cents plus four dollars. 

I also have a half-eaten cinammon bagelful, but back the eff off. It's mine.


----------



## Suze

dear r
thanks so much for being your normal awesome self. i'm tempted to switch out my bestfriend with you.

your very pleased customer
- I


----------



## mossystate

Dear leftover Chinese food, 

While I am starving, you were horrible the fist time...like, gross horrible. Please tell me to dump you and find some good vittles. Oh, and, would the new vittles mind making themselves? 


Famished in North Seattle, 

MossyM


*eta...I just ate a few peanuts...bulk peanuts...bulk peanuts that were obviously not rotated....* barf smiley *...roomie done bad


----------



## SparklingBBW

Victim said:


> Dear RL..'s
> 
> If someone had told me a couple years ago that you actually existed, I would have laughed my ass off and followed that up with words you have undoubtably heard before that included things like "bullshit", "one or two suicidal psychos","No 'effin way...", etc. I might have been more ready to believe that people have been beamed up by aliens, or wizards, vampires, and werewolves were real as well. Some of you prefer that people discover your existence on their own, and others are quite public about it. I found you at a time in my life when I was ready to acknowledge you existed. There seems to be well over 300 of you, probably many more that haven't made themselves known yet. IMHO there needs to be about 300,000 of you. YES, I do think that some of you are a few Froot Loops short of a well-balanced breakfast, but in a good way. I never liked the green ones anyway. What the heck are those supposed to be? They sure aren't lime.
> 
> Many of you possess impressive investigative skills, and are undoubtably reading this after I discovered you. In your line of work, a little paranoia will keep you around longer. Like I've told you, I can never become one of you, but I have decided to help you in any way I can, within reason (I'm still not sure what I can do for you). I have a wife who shares much of my view on life and wasn't TOO surprised to find out you were real. She has stated that any decision I make is going to affect her, and of course she is 100% correct, so I won't be joining your ranks, at least on the front lines. Since you're here reading this, there are some of you that may not have known we exist either! Welcome. OK, nowhere NEAR as strange, but this is part of who I am. I'm not screaming things from the rooftops, but I don't really keep a lot of secrets like you people need to. You seem to be quite an accepting and very non judgemental bunch, so I think the whole fat acceptance thing will register as a no big deal. There might even be an FA or two among you, and dare I even assume perhaps a BHM or BBW (fat man or fat woman). If this is not the case, PLEASE dont blow off someone from working with you just because they happen to be fat. Id be kidding myself if I thought I could do what you can, but as some of you have said, each of you works in your own way. Wait and see what we are capable of and I think you'll discover we are people just like you with our own unique capabilities.
> 
> As to Dimensions people trying to figure out whose Koolaid I've been drinking, I'm not going to come right out and say it, I'll leave that up to you to find out. It isn't too hard to figure out really, but you have to be in a certain frame of mind to discover and accept it, like I was. I'm not going to directly invite ridicule on these people (we ALL know how that feels, now don't we?) so just Google around a bit, or you can say "WTF?" and ignore me. If you have the ah-ha! moment, keep it to yourself or PM me, some of these people don't like publicity, but some do.
> 
> There really are more things in Heaven and Earth than can possibly be imagined.
> 
> I'll part with a wish that I really hope nobody gets killed, including yourselves. Be safe. You are doing a good thing, no matter what the world may think of you.
> 
> Yours truly, drinking the Koolaid, and not eating all of his Froot Loops.




Okay...I'll take the first guess: Republican Lesbians? 

Well, I don't think there is such an entity! :doh:

.


----------



## butch

Genarose54 said:


> Okay...I'll take the first guess: Republican Lesbians?
> 
> Well, I don't think there is such an entity! :doh:
> 
> .



Dear Genarose54,

Honey, we are legion. Just ask my partner, or my dad, Darth Vader.

Sincerely,
Mary Cheney


----------



## mossystate

Dear person, 

Stop. Just...stop...or....you get the hose. No, not THAT kind. This is the problem. Really. :blink:


Uncoiling and making sure the water is plenty cold, 
M


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

mossystate said:


> Dear person,
> 
> Stop. Just...stop...or....you get the hose. No, not THAT kind. This is the problem. Really. :blink:
> 
> 
> Uncoiling and making sure the water is plenty cold,
> M


Dear Mossy,

I owe you rep. Inches and inches and inches... of rep.


----------



## Tooz

Dear Scumbucket:

Take your meds and gtfo. Your uncontrolled Borderline Personality Disorder is just annoying now. No one wants your opinion, no one has ever wanted your opinion, and I don't know a single female who isn't creeped out 100% by you.


GO AWAY.

-Tooz


----------



## shinyapple

Dear Random Driver -

Just in case you weren't aware, the giant Confederate flag sticker on your back window that you think makes you such a badass? 

It's extraordinarily ineffective in your quest because:

a) you are a skinny 19-year-old boy in Utah
b) you are wearing a striped Polo shirt, have flat-ironed hair and are listening to Fall Out Boy

but most of alll.....

c) you put the sticker on the back of a white Geo Metro.

Nice try, but you fail.

Signed, 
The Fat Girl Laughing Behind You


----------



## Chimpi

Dear Person,

You carry yourself in a manner that is desirable at worst. You're immune to the rest because you are exactly who you wish to be. Even the people that criticize you tend to flock in your direction. I find it highly admirable to be such a person. You're entertaining and interesting. Moreover, you're delightful and pleasurable. You really tend to take my breath away.
Thanks for being the good example,

Jeffrey.

P.S. The whole "Jeffrey" thing makes me all warm and fuzzy.
P.S.S. Delete some years off your age, please.


----------



## saucywench

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear Mossy,
> 
> I owe you rep. Inches and inches and inches... of rep.


Dammit, I was gonna cover for you, but, alas, my bestowing was all too soon.

I've been trying to figure out for DAYS how to express that singular sentiment, and Mossy did a bang-up job.

Yes. I said 'bang.' Ready the hose! (But I got you for 'inches.')

But


----------



## gypsy

Dear Bladder and Uterus,

You planned this, didn't you?

I just couldn't go another day without hearing from BOTH of you at the same time.

Naggin' bitches.

Signed,

Have I Got A Pill For You.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Deer:

Bad enough you have acres of forest to roam and eat and poop in, why do you have to invade the road? This is my road! Get off of it!

I really do not wish to decorate my hood with your entrails. Maybe this is karmic revenge for masturbating during that one scene in Bambi...


----------



## Catkin

Dear best friend number 1,

Ahh, I can't believe we're turning 21! I can't wait for the weekend - it's going to be brilliant! Looking forward to catching up with you too  I love where I live now and all, but I miss you like crazy sometimes.

See you on Friday!

Moi xxx

____________________________

Dear sun, 

if you decide to avoid South-west England this weekend, I will KILL YOU. 

Consider yourself warned.


----------



## undrcovrbrothr

Dear Life,

Yes, it is me again....

Give my good friend peace of mind... help her when she needs help the most!!!! I don't want to see her agonize anymore when she really is a great person. Make all of those demons go away... suffering is what she does not need.

UCB


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear Lottery,

Yes, bitch, it's me. Let me win you, or a small portion of you tonight and I'll happily fellate you. Man, I need the money. Be good to mama. I'll spend you wisely. 

Signed,

FLW


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Homework,

I Hate You.
With Every Inch of my Large Being, I Hate you.
I Hope, When I am done with you, and you are graded highly, that you may burn and suffer for long miserable hours. And I will watch. Oh yes, I will Watch. And I will laugh at your pitiful suffering! 


Your TOTALLY NOT PSYCHO Owner,
M ;D


----------



## Tooz

Dear you,

You're so vain, you probably think this letter is about you.


Tooz


----------



## bexy

Dear Quarry

What the hell are you crying at now?!?! And, PLEASE stop climbing on the oil tank if you can't get down off it, I can't keep lifting you down! It's doing my head in, silly kitty.

And whilst we are at it, stop hissing at your sister. She was just neutered and is still probably sore and confused! I know she smells funny, like the vets, but you're annoying her!!

Mummy


----------



## Sugar

Dear Joints,

Could you please go back to moving like you're supposed to? I realize the rainy and somewhat humid weather make you cranky, but our boss doesn't care. Not to mention the fact that I can't sleep when you refuse to bend and you grumble like Oscar The Grouch. So stop it please.

Sincerely,

Your Stiff Guardian

~~~~~~~

Dear BETWEB,

Geez you're great. Thanks for being such a great friend. :wubu: I'm lucky that I get to know you. 

Love,

SARSAN


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear Lottery,
> 
> Yes, bitch, it's me. Let me win you, or a small portion of you tonight and I'll happily fellate you. Man, I need the money. Be good to mama. I'll spend you wisely.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> FLW



Dear FLW,

Get in line.....and you wish! 

Signed,
Next bitch up to win FIRST


----------



## Famouslastwords

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear FLW,
> 
> Get in line.....and you wish!
> 
> Signed,
> Next bitch up to win FIRST



Dear bitch who WISHES she was next.

Nuh uh, I'm next.

Thanks,

FLW


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear Dr. K, (I could almost write a book to him by now)

I'm only going to tell you this once. I have a migraine and am in no mood for your extremely rude bullshit. The world does not revolve around you and your issues, and the next time you come and push your way into my personal space as if you have the right to be there and demand my time, interrupting my work, and stick your nosy-ass face into my computer monitor, insisting that I address your "crisis" immediately, and then have the goddamn _*nerve*_ to let loose your stinky burps not ONCE but TWICE in my face , I will not restrain myself - I don't care if the boss is in the next room. You should count yourself lucky that I value my job....but your presence certainly makes it un-enjoyable at times. You rank among the rudest people I've ever known in my life. 

Signed, 

One Fed-Up Fat Chick


----------



## saucywench

JoyJoy said:


> Dear Dr. K, (I could almost write a book to him by now)
> 
> I'm only going to tell you this once. I have a migraine and am in no mood for your extremely rude bullshit. The world does not revolve around you and your issues, and the next time you come and push your way into my personal space as if you have the right to be there and demand my time, interrupting my work, and stick your nosy-ass face into my computer monitor, insisting that I address your "crisis" immediately, and then have the goddamn _*nerve*_ to let loose your stinky burps not ONCE but TWICE in my face , I will not restrain myself - I don't care if the boss is in the next room. You should count yourself lucky that I value my job....but your presence certainly makes it un-enjoyable at times. You rank among the rudest people I've ever known in my life.
> 
> 
> Signed,
> 
> One Fed-Up Fat Chick


Gotta second that. At least I wasn't subjected to the burps.


----------



## Rowan

dear xhtml and css,

why do you work fine at work and then i send you in my email home so that i can upload you to the server for school and then you dont work. WHAT THE F*CK??? 

and...why the hell dont i have a boyfriend right now, they've always been really smart and always computer guys...figures im single when im going to school for IT. BLAH

sincerely,
frustrated as hell


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Peyton-Shhh, don't tell anyone-but I think you are the cutest little 2 1/2 month old baby boy I have EVER seen and I quite enjoy babysitting you. I ADORE how you turn your little face every time I want to kiss it. Its almost as if you understand when I say "let me kiss the other cheek, now." Don't tell your mom that I spoil you. She will scold your great Aunt Terri for doing so.

Dear Laundry-Please hop into the washer and dryer and do yourself. 

Dear Basement-I would appreciate it greatly if you would please stop flooding now. 

Dear Suitcase-Please pack yourself. I don't want to do it.


----------



## shinyapple

Dear potential buyers -

Stop. Seriously, stop being dicks. Yes, my company is new to the biz, but even I know that you are not going to get POP until the necessary documents are all in place and you've provided banking information. I'm not showing you shit about the product or where it's coming from until I know you can pay for it. You're doing it in an attempt to circumvent me and screw the deal, so bite my fat ass. You know better and so do I....so stop doing it! I'm tired of thinking I found something killer to work on, only to learn you are being an ass and playing petty games. It's a waste of my time.

Additionally, posting a buy offer without telling me how much you need or when? Not really helpful. Learn the basics before trying to do business. kthxbye

All I want is one deal. Spot preferred, but contract is cool too. Just ONE stinkin' deal to get a foothold and I can make things take off from there! Work with me here.

Lovin' you only if you close the deal, 

me

p.s. I realize you are from Europe and I am not, but I am fairly certain Elizabeth is recognized as a feminine name even in French-speaking countries. Please stop calling me Mr. LastName after I've given you my first name several times. Much appreciated!


----------



## thejuicyone

Dear ganja,

Why do you make me feel so glorious?
Why do you have the ability to speed up and slow down time at the same time?
Why aren't you legalized yet?
I mean you grow from the ground. You're an herb. People that diss you and say mean things about you are wiggity whack. You aren't addicting yet, you are always there to be a shoulder to fry on. 
You're the perfect substance for someone with a headache,or backache, or someone who wants to eat a lot. 
No one can overdose on you, No one can die from you (well I guess they can but, that would have to be after years and years of excessive smoking).
You bring out my creativity. I almost went straight up ART-EEST on your ass the other day. I was close to bringing home a canvas and paint and creating a masterpiece because of you. People say you can't be productive in a prescence such as yours but, I beg to differ. 
I can maintain a job and do a job well for that fact even with you in my life. 
I can't think of one bad side of you ganj. 
You da man.
Keep doin' whatcha do.

- xxoo

BrandICE


----------



## mossystate

You, 

I see what you did there. You wanted to make what was being said into something that was not being said, all to boost yourself. You are not noble. You don't fool the smart ones. Enjoy the fruits of your bullshit laboring.

Oh, and, have a nice day, and remember to floss after every meal.

Me


----------



## undrcovrbrothr

Dear Life,

Hey, it is me!

No matter what you may throw at me, reflection before haste shall cure all. You tempt me, and I pass the test! Goodness and character should always triumph over a false nature, and even though it is extremely difficult, it will save the world from bitterness, divisiveness, wrath, and destruction. Feels great to smile!!!

I salute you 

UCB


----------



## SweetNYLady

Dear A,

You gotta know by now I like you. It's obvious you like me too.

Just ask me out already... I will say yes!

Hopin' for somethin' good with you and trying to be very patient,
E


----------



## SweetNYLady

To the new obsession in my life,

You, you beautiful green stuff, you big glob of delicious yumminess... you are wonderful, you are in my mind almost constantly lately until I just have to taste and then I eat a full bowl of you with those delicious Hint of Jalapeno Tostitos chips.

Guacamole, you make me happy!

With drooling mouth I promise you that I'm dedicated Guac eater forever,
me


----------



## SweetNYLady

and just one more for the road...

To poor Castillo,

I'm so sorry for you that you didn't catch that popup ball last night but ...

THANKKKKKK YOUUUUUUU! The Yankees WON!!!!!

From a Blue pinstriper fan always


----------



## soleil3313

Dear Sun, 

Where are you?

I miss you.

Please come back soon.

Sarah


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear High Blood Pressure,


You gave me a good scare earlier this week. However, that nice firemen with the wrong armcuff and otc allergy medications only gave a false reading. You, indeed, are not high anymore. Matter of fact, I have done so well that you are down to 100/50. Low enough for the doctor to kick me off that calcium blocker. I don't need that medication anymore because I seem to be controlling you in a more natural, healthy way. Back it up bitch....I have definitely won this round. 

Signed, 
Happily off the med


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

Dear Thread -

Whenever I read your title, I have a flashback to Strong Bad saying "PFFFFFFFF! The Double Deuce!" Just thought you should know how highly I regard you.

Sincerely, me


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear Head, 

Enough with the migraines already. I've reduced my caffeine, I'm working on cutting out chocolate, I don't drink wine anymore... What else do you want from me? 

Signed, 

Fed up already!

P.S. I'm not cutting out tequila no matter what you say.


----------



## Famouslastwords

luscious_lulu said:


> Dear Head,
> 
> Enough with the migraines already. I've reduced my caffeine, I'm working on cutting out chocolate, I don't drink wine anymore... What else do you want from me?
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Fed up already!
> 
> P.S. I'm not cutting out tequila no matter what you say.




Dear Lulu,

What kind of medications are you on? I'm on Wellbutrin, which as it turns out, was causing me several mind-splitting headaches a week. My doctor recommended I stop taking it and start something else but my psychiatrist won't switch me, so he prescribed something for the headaches in the meantime. 

It's worth checking the side effects of medicines just to see if anything causes it, I know it can be a common side effect.


----------



## gypsy

Dear Apparttmente,

Clean Thyfelf.

I Art Too Godfdamn Tyred. 

Bleffingf,

Exhaufted for No Apparente Reafon.


----------



## Blackjack

gypsy said:


> Dear Apparttmente,
> 
> Clean Thyfelf.
> 
> I Art Too Godfdamn Tyred.
> 
> Bleffingf,
> 
> Exhaufted for No Apparente Reafon.



I think your exhuastion might be from trying to spell all olde schoole.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

luscious_lulu said:


> Dear Head,
> 
> Enough with the migraines already. I've reduced my caffeine, I'm working on cutting out chocolate, I don't drink wine anymore... What else do you want from me?
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Fed up already!
> 
> P.S. I'm not cutting out tequila no matter what you say.



Dear Lulu,

It can be something besides chocolate and caffeine.....




> Foods that Trigger Migraine Headaches
> 
> * peanuts and peanut butter
> * caffeine in all products, not just coffee
> * dairy products
> * yeast
> * some beans (which includes peanut), as well as broad, lima, Italian, lentil, soy, peas
> * avocados
> * dried meats
> * sauerkraut
> * pickled herrings
> * canned soups and packet soup mixes
> * chicken livers
> * ripe banana
> * soya products as well as the bean itself
> * sodium nitrate, which is used to preserve hot dogs, bacon and cured meats
> * the preservative benzoic acid and its associated compounds
> * MSG, common name for monosodium glutamate, a flavor enhancer which is now in almost universal use in almost all processed foods
> * nuts
> * sourdough breads
> * cheeses which have been aged, i.e. cheddar
> * red wines, beer, champagne, vermouth
> * chocolate
> * anchovies
> 
> http://www.chetday.com/migrainetriggers.htm


----------



## itsbrookebaby_xo

Dear unborn child in my womb,

While i love you more than i can describe, it would be nice if you could stop sending shooting pains down my cervix and kicking me in the ribs.

Also, could you possibly get off my bladder so i dont have to pee every half an hour? It would be nice if i could actually sleep at night, since i know i wont be sleeping much when you make your arrival in 1-2 weeks. 

Love you,
momma


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

itsbrookebaby_xo said:


> Dear unborn child in my womb,
> 
> While i love you more than i can describe, it would be nice if you could stop sending shooting pains down my cervix and kicking me in the ribs.
> 
> Also, could you possibly get off my bladder so i dont have to pee every half an hour? It would be nice if i could actually sleep at night, since i know i wont be sleeping much when you make your arrival in 1-2 weeks.
> 
> Love you,
> momma




Dear Brooke, 

Can't tell you much about the head bouncing up and down on your bladder other than I feel for you.
The problem with kicking you in certain places...change positions if it persists over and over. Stand up, sit down, walk, bend over, etc. One of my twins used to hurt me badly when she would push outward on my belly......she wanted more room. I had to bend over to make her stop.....cause it hurt so badly. 

Hope this helps


----------



## gypsy

Blackjack said:


> I think your exhuastion might be from trying to spell all olde schoole.



Nah, I think it's just a symptom of how freakin tired I actually am. Either that or I'm watching too much of "The Tudors".

I wish I had more energy.


----------



## Weeze

Dear Co-Worker,
I know you do not like me. I do not like you. I did not start the joke, Mo did. Even so, talking about your 12 cats makes you lend yourself to jokes. Seriously, come on. 
Please, stop making english jokes on mo. I think he speaks just fine.
Oh, and him and I are not sleeping together. I'm not sleeping with anyone we work with, and I'd appreciate it if you stopped telling people I did. I'm pretty sure my reputation is too good for that to hurt it, but still... it's not necessary.


Thanks
Kriss


----------



## luscious_lulu

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear Lulu,
> 
> What kind of medications are you on? I'm on Wellbutrin, which as it turns out, was causing me several mind-splitting headaches a week. My doctor recommended I stop taking it and start something else but my psychiatrist won't switch me, so he prescribed something for the headaches in the meantime.
> 
> It's worth checking the side effects of medicines just to see if anything causes it, I know it can be a common side effect.





Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Lulu,
> 
> It can be something besides chocolate and caffeine.....



Thanks for the suggestions. 

I've done the diet modification. Most of that stuff I don't eat with any regularity anymore. They only thing that might be a problem for me is the msg. I try to remember to check the stuff that I buy, but sometimes I just forget. 

I'm on Remeron, cipralex, plaquenil, and something for my acid reflux right now. I've been on them for quite some time and I've been relatively ok. I wouldn't willing change the remeron or cipralex unless I absolutely had to. I remember the last time I had to change meds and it wasn't pretty. 

I go through phases where the migraines come fast and furious. I once went 21 days and had 28 migraines. I've tried varied medications to prevent and stop the migraines once they start and have had limited success. I've also have had more brain scans than anyone person should have. Luckly, they determined that I do have a brain and it works. (lame joke I know)

Thanks for the suggestions and I may check into the acid reflux med. It's relatively new...


----------



## mossystate

Dear Six Feet Under, 

I just finished the last episode. I had been savoring the last few, as I so did not want you to end.

You were not only highly entertaining. At times, you took my breath away. Your deeply flawed/human characters allowed for a million soul searching moments. Now, I do have to say that while ' Claire ' was an integral piece of the Fisher puzzle, I did not buy...for one split second...that she was some uber talented artiste. I was usually just rolling my eyes as she picked up a camera one week, and had An Important Gallery Show the next. But, I digress. Aside from that leap, she was the flaky, pretentious, opposite to David's fearful, self doubting, life. I forgive you.

The last episode had me bawling like a baby. So beautiful and sad and full circle. I will be thinking about you for some time to come.

If people have not seen you, or have only watched on regular television where you are all chopped up, they need to rent you, season by season. You are magnificent. Death... Life...we all gotta do it.


Thank you , 
Me



p s...you were also funny as shit


----------



## Sugar

mossystate said:


> Dear Six Feet Under,
> 
> I just finished the last episode. I had been savoring the last few, as I so did not want you to end.
> 
> You were not only highly entertaining. At times, you took my breath away. Your deeply flawed/human characters allowed for a million soul searching moments. Now, I do have to say that while ' Claire ' was an integral piece of the Fisher puzzle, I did not buy...for one split second...that she was some uber talented artiste. I was usually just rolling my eyes as she picked up a camera one week, and had An Important Gallery Show the next. But, I digress. Aside from that leap, she was the flaky, pretentious, opposite to David's fearful, self doubting, life. I forgive you.
> 
> The last episode had me bawling like a baby. So beautiful and sad and full circle. I will be thinking about you for some time to come.
> 
> If people have not seen you, or have only watched on regular television where you are all chopped up, they need to rent you, season by season. You are magnificent. Death... Life...we all gotta do it.
> 
> 
> Thank you ,
> Me



Agreed.

Oh and Plumpy...clear out your PM box next time you send me gut buster like that.


----------



## mergirl

Dear mossy

I think six feet under may be one of the most beautiful tv shows ever made. I have the box set and i watched them all pretty much back to back and i am thinking of starting over again soon. Just wow though..amazing.

mer




Dear thread

Did you mean part deux? (meaning 2 in french.)

mer


----------



## mergirl

Dear some site 

I dont like the way people are talking about you. i shouldn't care but i think you are vain enough to HAVE to read what people have written about you and i think it will make you sad. 

mer


----------



## Famouslastwords

mergirl said:


> Dear thread
> 
> Did you mean part deux? (meaning 2 in french.)
> 
> mer



Deuce could also be two.

Like 'ey Mer. I'mma drop a deuce. That means I'mma go take a number two.

I think it has something to do with the number 2 card in a deck of cards or something.


----------



## HDANGEL15

mergirl said:


> Dear mossy
> 
> I think six feet under may be one of the most beautiful tv shows ever made. I have the box set and i watched them all pretty much back to back and i am thinking of starting over again soon. Just wow though..amazing.
> 
> mer



*wow what an amazing idea...I agree..I think that is HBO's best show of all time....



Dear karma maker

bring it....for my meeting tomorrow with my potential NEW BOSS and STAFF!!!

thankx i want this*


----------



## thejuicyone

Dear Jack Daniels,

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

xoxo

- BrandICE


----------



## StarWitness

mergirl said:


> Dear mossy
> 
> I think six feet under may be one of the most beautiful tv shows ever made. I have the box set and i watched them all pretty much back to back and i am thinking of starting over again soon. Just wow though..amazing.
> 
> mer



Oh. My. God. That. Show. Agreed 100%. And if you like SFU, check out Mad Men.

Let's see, um...

Dear eyeball:

Stop being so bloodshot and itchy. You're starting to worry me.

Love,
SW


Dear ex:

We are broken up. Kindly remove your presence from my subconscious; waking up depressed because I had a dream about you is not a positive way to start my day.

Thanks muchly,
SW


Dear Summer '09:

Please be epically awesome. We both know I've earned it.

See you in a few days,
SW


----------



## mergirl

Famouslastwords said:


> Deuce could also be two.
> 
> Like 'ey Mer. I'mma drop a deuce. That means I'mma go take a number two.
> 
> I think it has something to do with the number 2 card in a deck of cards or something.


Haha.. drop a deuce! Thanks you.. i'm always looking for new and interesting ways to say "I'm taking a shit"!!


----------



## Famouslastwords

mergirl said:


> Haha.. drop a deuce! Thanks you.. i'm always looking for new and interesting ways to say "I'm taking a shit"!!



If that's the case, have you heard of "I'mma go drop the cosbys off at the pool?"

Slightly racist. But still funny.


----------



## msbard90

Dear morning customers,

I never have, nor ever will remember how many equal packets go in your coffee. I will never hear you if your voice is so soft, only dogs can hear it. I laugh at you when you spill your meal all over the place- every single time. And you, yes you. You never tell me that you want a bottle of milk. I don't even remember who you are. Chances are high that I TRY to forget your ugly voice the moment you leave my sight. I don't care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Last, but not least, to all those who think I know you, I do not remember you, and unless you have something of intelligence to say to me, chances are, I DON'T GIVE A CRAP!! 

Sincerely,
Melissa S. Bardell


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Girls with boyfriends, fiancee's and husbands that love to complain about them to me

I have only one thing to say after 9 plus years of listening to you:


SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!

Seriously, I've been the "shoulder to lean on" for 9 years and I've been sick of it before, but this time I'm seriously done.

Most recently a girl with a brain the size of a pea asked me if she should break up with her b/f because he hits her...a lot. When I told her that I could treat her 100 times better she said "yahhhhh, but ur just a friend."

So this guy who drinks himself into a stupor and takes it out on this girl is b/f material yet I'm not? Keep in mind this girl's has had borderline monkeys as boyfriends for years so this isn't uncommon.

It got me thinking a lot, if I'm good enough where all these girls consider me friend and continue to add me to myspace, yahoo, aol, etc.....exactly where is the line drawn where I can't be a potential b/f to them yet guys who look like Spock on crack, act like Spock on crack, is smoking crack with Spock themselves, and on and on and on, are somehow the guys they want to date?

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not complaining about being single, hell no. I did enough of that last year and it got me nowhere, I don't mind being single. What I do mind is CONSTANTLY being sought for advice by different women about relationships when I know in my heart I could treat them better. If a guy has no job, isn't trying to find a job and looks like a member of ZZ Top wearing clothes even people that shop at the salvation army wouldn't be caught dead in.....are you THAT surprised if he does something stupid or isn't treating you right?

Granted, I'm not perfect and I never will be, but one thing I'll never do is cheat on or hit girls....yet for some reason that seems to be what i NEED to do in order to turn some of these heads. Seriously, I've had hundreds of girls in the last 9-10 years tell me all sorts of shit about boyfriends, husbands, etc and at least 65% of them had to do with cheating and 25% of them about abuse......and 10% were about both! Less than 5 percent of people who come to me for advice or just to piss and moan are about other things such as getting cold feet for an upcoming wedding, getting scared about a baby on the way, or their significant other is jobless and can't seem to pull through. In some cases I don't mind giving a little advice or listening to problems, everyone can have off days. However, when its CONSTANT among discussed topics it makes me want to drive my fist through a wall. I'm no angel but some of these stories I've heard make me wonder if some of the girls are dating satan himself, and if I try to be the good guy then I get shot down with "we can be just friends".

Which brings me to another thing I can't stand, girls bitching about their b/f's, calling them names, etc and then getting mad when I repeat something. If you don't want me insulting your b/f, don't do it yourself ya horses ass. I mean seriously, some of these girls make it sound like they're dating Satan until you call them on it, then they turn it around and make it look like he's Prince Charming.

I guess I'm at a point on my life where I need to start looking after myself and taking care of my own shit. Listening to, trying to help, caring about and thinking about girls who cry for an hour to me but then later on are probably fucking their boyfriends/husbands brains out while I'm in my room alone is not the way to live.

Sorry if I seem cruel but I've had enough of the bitching, time to find someone else to cry to. Bitching didn't get me anywhere so I shut my mouth about relationships and is now having as much fun as I can, I suggest some of these girls ferme le bouche as well.


----------



## mergirl

Famouslastwords said:


> If that's the case, have you heard of "I'mma go drop the cosbys off at the pool?"
> 
> Slightly racist. But still funny.



You guys seriously say that? 

Is this an old saying cause i remember watching the cosbys when i was about 8...Your racist poo analogies are not very up to date America...


----------



## Famouslastwords

Well no, I don't recall anyone from America ever saying that. I actually learned it from someone who lives in Australia.


----------



## KHayes666

mergirl said:


> You guys seriously say that?
> 
> Is this an old saying cause i remember watching the cosbys when i was about 8...Your racist poo analogies are not very up to date America...



I heard it on an episode of South Park.....10 years ago


----------



## mergirl

Famouslastwords said:


> Well no, I don't recall anyone from America ever saying that. I actually learned it from someone who lives in Australia.



Ahhh..



KHayes666 said:


> I heard it on an episode of South Park.....10 years ago



Really? hu.. has south park been going that long??!!.. and its still funny.. wish i could say the same for the simpsons..


----------



## gypsy

Dear Mountains of Fruit, Cheese, and Crackers,

You rock. You are very, very tasty. 

And you are so much more than that... simply because ... you were free. 

Love, 

dee


----------



## Paquito

Dear friends -

Ahh, another Friday night of partying. Galavanting, hanging out with friends. Really taking advantage of the freedoms that summer has to offer. 

Except for me.

Here I am, sitting at home, alone. Again. Just like everyday for the past few weeks. 

Guess who isn't invited to all of the parties, the trips to the beach, movies, etc.? This guy right here.

And, guess who else is tired of this bull? This guy right here.

I am so sick and tired of being the one that everyone goes to for advice, to be a shoulder to cry on, to listen to their problems, and then when all is said and done, I get left in the dust while everyone is out. Oh sure, when someone has to vent, I'm the first one to call, but when everyone wants to go do something, my name is left out.

But this summer is a little different. I've actually expanded my social circle to include other great friends that actually take the time out to see how I'm doing and if I'm up for a fun time. And you better believe that instead of staying at home and wishing that one of you would call like I used to do, I'm going to be out with people who actually seem to give a damn about me.

I refuse to sit on the sidelines and let life pass me by just because some people prefer to use me than be a friend.


----------



## msbard90

gypsy said:


> Dear Mountains of Fruit, Cheese, and Crackers,
> 
> You rock. You are very, very tasty.
> 
> And you are so much more than that... simply because ... you were free.
> 
> Love,
> 
> dee




and you just had the luckiest day in the world, now didn't you?


----------



## gypsy

msbard90 said:


> and you just had the luckiest day in the world, now didn't you?



YES!

:wubu:

And I am truly grateful to my work that allows me to be the first one to take food home when we have a do there.


----------



## msbard90

gypsy said:


> YES!
> 
> :wubu:
> 
> And I am truly grateful to my work that allows me to be the first one to take food home when we have a do there.



Lucky again. I would just die for some chocolate covered fruit too.... mmmmm


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Dee,

I got a free Cinna-bon today......my life is complete :batting: 

Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## Famouslastwords

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Dee,
> 
> I got a free Cinna-bon today......my life is complete :batting:
> 
> Sincerely,
> Moi



What's this? Free Cinna-bon? I got my free Orange Julius Light Smoothie today!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Famouslastwords said:


> What's this? Free Cinna-bon? I got my free Orange Julius Light Smoothie today!



HA! @ light 

Not a damn thing light about that Cinna-bon...Yum!


----------



## Famouslastwords

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> HA! @ light




They're made with splenda! <.<


----------



## Weeze

Dear Kyle Busch,
please, please, please, please, please win the race on sunday.
I really really want headquarters to push for the rights to make your transformers car. pleeeeease. No screwing up at infineon, kyle. I mean it.
Oh, and good luck in Milwaukee tomorrow. Keep that spot, baby. WOO.

-Your mildly obsessed fan, 
Kriss


----------



## luscious_lulu

gypsy said:


> Dear Mountains of Fruit, Cheese, and Crackers,
> 
> You rock. You are very, very tasty.
> 
> And you are so much more than that... simply because ... you were free.
> 
> Love,
> 
> dee



Dear Gypsy, 

I'm going to steal some of your cheese when I get down to your place this morning! 

Love your BFF:kiss2:


----------



## msbard90

Dear boyfriend,
I wish you would only realize that bacon goes great with pretty much everything and thats why I like it so.
love,
me


----------



## Suze

Dear Dee Snider
You're probably the worst writer/producer/actor (and most likely musician) ever.
Thanks for ruining my already shitty night. 
- I


----------



## Famouslastwords

msbard90 said:


> Dear boyfriend,
> I wish you would only realize that bacon goes great with pretty much everything and thats why I like it so.
> love,
> me



Dear MsBard:

1) Is your boyfriend hot?
If No Proceed to Question 4
If Yes Proceed to Question 2
2)Is You Boyfriend Open to Threesomes?
If No Proceed to Question 4
If Yes Proceed to Question 3
3)When Can You Come to California?
Please Fill in The Blank
4)When Are You Going To Leave Him?


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Sciatica...please go away. you've worn out your welcome.


----------



## msbard90

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear MsBard:
> 
> 1) Is your boyfriend hot?
> If No Proceed to Question 4
> If Yes Proceed to Question 2
> 2)Is You Boyfriend Open to Threesomes?
> If No Proceed to Question 4
> If Yes Proceed to Question 3
> 3)When Can You Come to California?
> Please Fill in The Blank
> 4)When Are You Going To Leave Him?



1. Please judge for yourself with attached photo.
2. Why yes, gorgeous
3. I wish tomorrow!!!


----------



## Famouslastwords

msbard90 said:


> 1. Please judge for yourself with attached photo.
> 2. Why yes, gorgeous
> 3. I wish tomorrow!!!



Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

5)Does he like SSBBWs?


----------



## msbard90

omg yes!!!! <3333 he's my lover and my fa


----------



## Famouslastwords

teeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


----------



## msbard90

question 6:
When can you get your tushie to CT? lol


----------



## mergirl

Famouslastwords said:


> Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.
> 
> 5)Does he like SSBBWs?


You're just a little sauce pot arn't you missy!!!


----------



## nikola090

question n7, or 8 or 9 eh eh!

when one of you, so beautiful ladies come here in Italy??

and above all....why when I connect on the forum all people are sleeping??? 

me sad


----------



## Sugar

Dear Pete,

One of my first memories was of you taking me for a ride on your motorcycle. It was the first and the last time I was on a bike. From that day forward I wanted to be with you all the time. 

As an adult I relish the times we'd sit and watch Seinfeld and football. Not much needed to be said, but we had such a good time (and people wonder why I don't talk much in person). There are times I wish I could move back in with you...but what would we do with Mom? 

Daddy, you've made such a difference in my life that is clear when I see how my sisters act. In the same stroke I wish they had the same Dad and I'm thankful I lucked out with you and got the lion's share of your attention. The early morning breakfasts, cleaning the snow off of my car, the fishing trips, the trips clear across town to check on me when I couldn't walk...the life of sacrifice and overcoming things most people would collapse under...so I could live a very comfortable life...it all means the world to me.

Words do not do justice to not only how I feel about you, but how wonderful of a human being you are. Happy Father's Day. 

Love,
Sugar


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Daddy,
I wish you and I could talk emotionally.
I Dislike that, now, when I am able to tell you exactly how I feel. 
How much I love you.
How much you mean to me. 
..You Sigh, And jest about me being moooshy. 

You Truely Are my world right now. You have been since day one.
Happy Fathers day, My Friend. 

With Love Always,
M. 




Dear Bud Lime,

You Need to come in much larger bottles.
I miss you already.

Sincerely,
Your Lover


----------



## Famouslastwords

msbard90 said:


> question 6:
> When can you get your tushie to CT? lol





nikola090 said:


> question n7, or 8 or 9 eh eh!
> 
> when one of you, so beautiful ladies come here in Italy??
> 
> and above all....why when I connect on the forum all people are sleeping???
> 
> me sad



I'll come when one of you buys me a ticket there! You should come here though because I'm so fat though and it's uncomfortable for me to fly coach.



mergirl said:


> You're just a little sauce pot arn't you missy!!!



mebbe :batting:


----------



## alienlanes

Dear equal and opposite reactions,

You deserve one another.


----------



## msbard90

Famouslastwords said:


> I'll come when one of you buys me a ticket there! You should come here though because I'm so fat though and it's uncomfortable for me to fly coach.
> 
> 
> 
> mebbe :batting:



haha buy us tickets


----------



## nikola090

uhm...one ticket for me???


----------



## Famouslastwords

I'm so broke I can't even afford to pay attention.  Get it?


----------



## nikola090

uh


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Famouslastwords said:


> .....because I'm so fat......
> 
> 
> 
> mebbe :batting:



My goodness.....aren't you turning into an even bigger flirt than myself  :bow:


----------



## Famouslastwords

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> My goodness.....aren't you turning into an even bigger flirt than myself  :bow:




Never GEF! You are the queen! The queen, I say!


----------



## msbard90

Famouslastwords said:


> Never GEF! You are the queen! The queen, I say!



youre too cute, i don't care!!! Lol we'll see about a ticket....


----------



## RobitusinZ

Dear Miami Drivers,

Where do I begin? How about we clear up that left lane? Slow traffic to the right. If you're using a cellphone, to the right. If you're eating a cheeseburger, to the right. If you're beating your kid, to the right. If your car happens to be dragging its muffler, causing sparks to fly all over the highway, to the right.

People...we live in a city where it rains almost every other day in the summer. We should be quite used to rain. PLEASE...stop turning on your goddamn hazards. Hazard signals are meant for cars in distress. Not retards who can't drive with 4 drops of water on their windshield. That's what windshield wipers are for. I know, I know, "But Rob, you can just ignore the hazards if you don't like em." No, idiots. As a responsible driver, I have to slow down if the car in front of me has its hazards on. When you sprinkle a handful of you idiots amongst free-flowing traffic, do you know the chaos that causes? When driving with low visibility, you want to avoid as many sudden stops as possible because you don't know what the guy behind you is going to do. The correct way to navigate the rain is to TURN ON YOUR LIGHTS (believe me...I've seen morons driving with their hazards on, but lights off), and reduce speed to a manageable level. That is, don't go 20 in what's normally a 70.

Finally....this one's going to you...you know who you are...being the first person at a red light gains you no prizes. This isn't XBox Live. Nobody's giving Achievements or Gamerscore for going from 0 to 60 in 3 blocks and then comming to a complete stop. Stop trying to weave through traffic only to get ahead 1 or 2 cars. We're ALL in the same traffic, and whether you're behind or in front of that next SUV filled with ugly children, it won't make a difference, believe me. The 8/17ths of a second you're shaving from your "time" to get to your Uncle Juanco's house isn't going to impress anyone.

Thank you,

Roberto Gonzalez

PS. 20 inch rims can only go on antiques, or cars no older than 5 years. A 1988 Honda Prelude with twenkies is a laughably sad situation.


----------



## msbard90

RobitusinZ said:


> Dear Miami Drivers,
> 
> Where do I begin? How about we clear up that left lane? Slow traffic to the right. If you're using a cellphone, to the right. If you're eating a cheeseburger, to the right. If you're beating your kid, to the right. If your car happens to be dragging its muffler, causing sparks to fly all over the highway, to the right.
> 
> People...we live in a city where it rains almost every other day in the summer. We should be quite used to rain. PLEASE...stop turning on your goddamn hazards. Hazard signals are meant for cars in distress. Not retards who can't drive with 4 drops of water on their windshield. That's what windshield wipers are for. I know, I know, "But Rob, you can just ignore the hazards if you don't like em." No, idiots. As a responsible driver, I have to slow down if the car in front of me has its hazards on. When you sprinkle a handful of you idiots amongst free-flowing traffic, do you know the chaos that causes? When driving with low visibility, you want to avoid as many sudden stops as possible because you don't know what the guy behind you is going to do. The correct way to navigate the rain is to TURN ON YOUR LIGHTS (believe me...I've seen morons driving with their hazards on, but lights off), and reduce speed to a manageable level. That is, don't go 20 in what's normally a 70.
> 
> Finally....this one's going to you...you know who you are...being the first person at a red light gains you no prizes. This isn't XBox Live. Nobody's giving Achievements or Gamerscore for going from 0 to 60 in 3 blocks and then comming to a complete stop. Stop trying to weave through traffic only to get ahead 1 or 2 cars. We're ALL in the same traffic, and whether you're behind or in front of that next SUV filled with ugly children, it won't make a difference, believe me. The 8/17ths of a second you're shaving from your "time" to get to your Uncle Juanco's house isn't going to impress anyone.
> 
> Thank you,
> 
> Roberto Gonzalez
> 
> PS. 20 inch rims can only go on antiques, or cars no older than 5 years. A 1988 Honda Prelude with twenkies is a laughably sad situation.



Sadly, it isn't just miami. It's our country in general. No one knows how to drive.


----------



## RobitusinZ

There's a very poignant socio-political reason for the particular problems in Miami, but I won't go into that...


----------



## msbard90

CT dmv decided to hand out fraudulent licenses for the longest time... now we're plagued with retarded drivers.


----------



## bexy

I actually just sent this email. I have never said anything so mean in all my life but it needed done, I needed closure. 

Jenny,

Clearly you have been online so clearly you will have gotten my message, the one I took ages writing and broke my heart crying over.

I think you are disgusting to not even reply to me Jen. You know what, I am 37 weeks pregnant and I don't need this right now. What I did need was the love and support of the girl I naively called my family.

I was only upset and cross because I missed and loved you so much, and wanted you here to help and support me, love me and be proud of me when my baby was born. I was only cross as I felt you had 9 months to prepare and could have done more to get here, if you genuinely wanted to. If that makes me a horrible person, wanting the love and support of my "family" then God, I must be a horrible person then cos I'm not about to apologise or change the way I feel.

Now I am also upset that you have not contacted me for over a week, despite how heavily pregnant I am. You have no clue if I am even ok, or if the baby is ok. 

You won't ever admit you have done anything wrong, and I am not going to apologise for feeling sad and let down.

So that's it Jen. I have a family and a life here, people that go out of their way everyday to make sure I am ok and to help me, and you can't even pick up a phone or book a cheap flight. So I don't see what the point is.

That is it I am afraid. I need to look after myself and my baby now, and just love and appreciate the people I have as opposed to running round after and clinging onto people who clearly, clearly love me a lot lot less than I love them.

I will never ever ever forget Josh. I love him more than words can ever describe and he will get xmas and birthday presents off me for the rest of my life. Please look after him and appreciate him for the wonderful and amazing little boy that he is, he is a credit to you and I will miss him so so much.

Thanks very much for once again letting me down at one of the most important times of my life, if not the most important. 

If you ever happen to see what you have done wrong, feel free to contact me. But I won't hold my breath.

Bex


----------



## Famouslastwords

Bexy, FWIW I don't think it was all that mean, especially from what you've said about the drinking and going to the other baby thing....I'm happy you got the closure you needed.


----------



## bexy

Thank you. I was scared it was too severe.
I'm sitting here in tears re-reading it, still not being able to believe it's happened and it's happened now. But I need to try to move on.


----------



## saucywench

bexy, take out the baby part and the kid part and a few minor things, and I could have written virtually the same letter. In fact, I have, only I haven't sent it yet.

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. I would say I know how you feel, except for the hormonal aspect, only I'm having some of that, too; just a different kind.

Hang in there, kiddo. Maybe they'll come around. If not--as you say, you just move on. Sometimes things end and we're never given adequate reason why.


----------



## Suze

Dear body
It's funny how you just gained 15 pounds in less than 2 weeks. I bet it would be awesome to have a metabolism like this if i happened to be a feedee.

- Your friend,
Suze

Dear mac&cheese
No wonder you're an american dish, you're fattening as hell!

Me


----------



## Rowan

Dear gods/goddesses above,

Thank you for the guy i met and thank you for him being so awesome. this is something you know ive needed for a long time and it means a lot to me having it again. Now please, just dont let me fuck it up! And please let it really be real!!

sincerely,
Happy, but nervous


----------



## sugar and spice

Rowan said:


> Dear gods/goddesses above,
> 
> Thank you for the guy i met and thank you for him being so awesome. this is something you know ive needed for a long time and it means a lot to me having it again. Now please, just dont let me fuck it up! And please let it really be real!!
> 
> sincerely,
> Happy, but nervous



Rowan, Good luck girl, I'm really happy for you.


----------



## sugar and spice

bexy said:


> I actually just sent this email. I have never said anything so mean in all my life but it needed done, I needed closure.
> 
> Jenny,
> 
> Clearly you have been online so clearly you will have gotten my message, the one I took ages writing and broke my heart crying over.
> 
> I think you are disgusting to not even reply to me Jen. You know what, I am 37 weeks pregnant and I don't need this right now. What I did need was the love and support of the girl I naively called my family.
> 
> I was only upset and cross because I missed and loved you so much, and wanted you here to help and support me, love me and be proud of me when my baby was born. I was only cross as I felt you had 9 months to prepare and could have done more to get here, if you genuinely wanted to. If that makes me a horrible person, wanting the love and support of my "family" then God, I must be a horrible person then cos I'm not about to apologise or change the way I feel.
> 
> Now I am also upset that you have not contacted me for over a week, despite how heavily pregnant I am. You have no clue if I am even ok, or if the baby is ok.
> 
> You won't ever admit you have done anything wrong, and I am not going to apologise for feeling sad and let down.
> 
> So that's it Jen. I have a family and a life here, people that go out of their way everyday to make sure I am ok and to help me, and you can't even pick up a phone or book a cheap flight. So I don't see what the point is.
> 
> That is it I am afraid. I need to look after myself and my baby now, and just love and appreciate the people I have as opposed to running round after and clinging onto people who clearly, clearly love me a lot lot less than I love them.
> 
> I will never ever ever forget Josh. I love him more than words can ever describe and he will get xmas and birthday presents off me for the rest of my life. Please look after him and appreciate him for the wonderful and amazing little boy that he is, he is a credit to you and I will miss him so so much.
> 
> Thanks very much for once again letting me down at one of the most important times of my life, if not the most important.
> 
> If you ever happen to see what you have done wrong, feel free to contact me. But I won't hold my breath.
> 
> Bex



Bexy, I don't think that was too harsh and it was very well said. I'm sorry you have to deal with this now of all times, but I also agree that you don't need the continued stress and disappointment from this friend you considered a sister. She is obviously going through something right now and I think one day she is going to wake up and really regret missing out on all these special moments with you. You are doing the right thing by putting your daughter first right now and hopefully this friendship can be mended someday, but for now just focus on all the love you and George and your sweet little girl have for each other that's what counts the most.hugs, Fran


----------



## Rowan

sugar and spice said:


> Rowan, Good luck girl, I'm really happy for you.



thank you darlin...Im hoping this one is the real thing too!


----------



## fatgirlflyin

Dear You, 

Enough already. Its been a long long time. Get over it. Move on. Live your life and stay out of mine. 

-Me


----------



## LoveBHMS

Dear Bex-

This broke my heart.

I feel as if the loss of friendship or betrayal by a friend is looked upon as so much less than something like cheating by a spouse or abuse by a parent, but it's not. I think it's one of the worst feelings in the world when a friend lets you down, because friends are those who don't HAVE to be there but those you think choose to be there. It's the saddest thing in the world to see that ties you thought were forged in steel others think are forged in paper.

I'm going through something similar and I really do know how you feel. It's almost worse because socially you'd get a lot more understanding and support for 'my wife cheated' or 'my mom beat me' but when you say 'my friend was not there for me' or 'my friend broke a promise or let me down' it just won't evoke the same sympathy or outrage.

You have my best wishes for a positive outcome.

L.


----------



## WhiteHotRazor

Dear Rick Springfield,

You're a shitty friend, I hope Jessie kicked your fuckin teeth in.

Love,
WHR


----------



## kittencat

omfg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i LOVE IT!YOUR AWESOME!


----------



## LisaInNC

Dear WHR,

I was Jessie's girl. Maybe if Jessie hadnt pushed the back of my head during fellatio, I would still be with him today. So, know the facts before you say bad things.

Love, 
Jessie's ex-girl


----------



## OneWickedAngel

WhiteHotRazor said:


> Dear Rick Springfield,
> 
> You're a shitty friend, I hope Jessie kicked your fuckin teeth in.
> 
> Love,
> WHR





LisaInNC said:


> Dear WHR,
> 
> I was Jessie's girl. Maybe if Jessie hadnt pushed the back of my head during fellatio, I would still be with him today. So, know the facts before you say bad things.
> 
> Love,
> Jessie's ex-girl



DAMMIT! Why am I always out of rep when I so desperately need it!!! HAHAHAHAHA


----------



## luscious_lulu

OneWickedAngel said:


> DAMMIT! Why am I always out of rep when I so desperately need it!!! HAHAHAHAHA



I repped them for you!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

WhiteHotRazor said:


> Dear Rick Springfield,
> 
> You're a shitty friend, I hope Jessie kicked your fuckin teeth in.
> 
> Love,
> WHR



I think kicking him in the balls would be much more satisfying for some reason.....just my two cents....



Dear Conrad,

Looking forward to the BBW forum. 

Thanks much. 

Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## gypsy

Dear Lupus Rash,

GET THE FUCK OFF MY FACE! 

Sincerely,

HELL No You're Not Doing This To Me 10 Days Before Vegas!


----------



## thejuicyone

Dear boyfriend,

Please stop using your hand as a tissue. You are spreading germs, and we all know how I feel about that. 

xoxo
Brandi.


----------



## msbard90

Dear boyfriend,
I'm more gay than you think.

Love,
Me


----------



## LoveBHMS

Dear Tables from last night:

WTF? 30%...40%.. When does that happen?

Every last one of you was polite, non demanding, and easy to deal with. It was like the perfect storm of waitressing. And time after time you all would drop 3 $20 bills on a $40 tab and tell me to keep it, or write "$23" on the tip line for a $70 check. 

A couple of you even thanked me for my "excellent recommendations".

And you guys who came in 2 minutes before my shift ended after I'd worked a double and been on my feet for 13 hours? You just paid out right away and let me leave. I love you all!!!

Thrilled,
L.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Ocean City NJ,

Here I come! Please don't let the bridge be slow traveling.....:doh:

Moi


----------



## SweetNYLady

Dear Steve,

Thanks for making such a cool looking sandal that I just HAD to have when I shopped a few weeks ago. They look so CUTE on my feet! Now, would you please send me a couple dozen of "Nerve to wear these shoes in public" pills because I feel they might just sit in my closet fully admired-- but never worn. 







I'd be very grateful! 

Signed,
A flat shoe wearing woman that went a little crazy one day


----------



## SweetNYLady

Dear next door neighbor,

When I ask this, please try to remember that we all live so close around here...

Would you kindly, puleeeze, turn off the window air conditioner unit in the room thats never being used? ConEd has increased their profit margin 10000000% since you put it in there for the season because you never turn it off! I mean its on 24/7 and the noise is driving me insane!

Sorry to be so annoyed about it, I hope you understand!
With warm regards, 
me


----------



## mossystate

Dear BOJ,


I would rather share a table with a syphlilitic goat during its last days. The view would be more pleasant, and it would be less likely to think it is something it is not.

Eat shit.



Monique


----------



## luckbthisbblady

Hi Sweet...

I'm new to this Dimensions forum, and came across your post about having fear in wearing a pair of shoes you fell in love with. I'm here to tell you to please, please WEAR THE SHOES!! There is nothing like a sexy shoe to give us beautiful BBW's that extra sexiness. There's something about shoes that just makes an outfit pop. 

For me, I LOVE, LOVE shoes. I have at least 100 pair and 100 more pair in storage. There's nothing like a 4" Carolos Santana, Vince Camuto, Antonio Melani or BCBG shoe that makes me feel sexier. 

Don't be afraid to wear those great sandals! Just put them on and walk out of the house and strut!!


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear virus, 

It's so nice that you've come for a visit, but I don't need you right now. 

Please go away...

sincerely, 
Lulu


----------



## Deven

Dear Now Ex Boyfriend (again,)

Don't reply to my best friend's personal ads. She doesn't want your cheating ass either.

XOXO,
Deven


----------



## msbard90

Dear Boyfriend,

I am not flirting with your brother. Just re-iterating the statement from last letter I wrote you. I'm a lil bit gayer than you think.

Love,
me


----------



## mergirl

Dear Msbard

Are you flirting with his sister??

xmer


----------



## Suze

Dear nympho(s)

just. no.

- I


----------



## mergirl

Dear I

why no?

Nympho


----------



## Suze

Dear nympho/mer

I'm just kinda sick of you being a slut! 

- I


----------



## msbard90

dear mer,
nope. just my best friend and I are going camping this weekend. I like her better than him shhh.... we kid around about getting married, but I really mean it, and I think she does too.
love,
me


----------



## mergirl

Dear I

Ahhh thats ok then

love mer


----------



## mergirl

msbard90 said:


> dear mer,
> nope. just my best friend and I are going camping this weekend. I like her better than him shhh.... we kid around about getting married, but I really mean it, and I think she does too.
> love,
> me


oh oh.. i think you must get drunk and come to our queer party today and end up crying in the toilets about this!!  Or you can E-snog someone!!
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=61105


----------



## Mathias

Dear Friend,

I'm so glad I was able to talk to you over the phone today. You don't know how glad I am to have met you. You help me more than you know. 

Thank you!

-Matt


----------



## Leesa

Dear Boss!
Thanks for being you. Thanks for adoring your staff and accepting us the way we are. Thanks for using our strengths and weaknesses to benefit your program. We are an awesome team!
It keeps getting better and better! 
L


----------



## smithnwesson

Dear Penis:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hez0oL5WTBQ


----------



## italianmike21

*Dear Father Time,
Do you think you can make August come a little bit more quickly... pretty please lol.
-Mike*


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

Dear acquaintance of mine:

You asked me a question via AIM today, concerning why I haven't just blocked you if I wasn't going to talk to you anymore. Though I feel the need to explain it to you once again, that you would simply make numerous more AIM accounts to IM me in the future (because that's what you've done in the past, several times), I feel that telling you one more time would probably not do any good anyway. As I do not wish to simply create a new AIM account, nor to fill my blocked user list with all the names you would create to continue talking to me, I am going to choose to continue ignoring you. I've said what I had to, and if you can't accept my answers, then I can't help you.

Thinking you're a borderline stalker,
Jeeves


----------



## thejuicyone

Dear you,

Let's make like a busboy and get the fork out of here.

signed,
me


----------



## scorpioinco

Dear rude ass customer,

I realize that you have a great life of spilling strawberry faygo (you apparently have a drinking problem from the already existing stains, which I can only assume stem from your constant mouthbreathing) creating a rivulet of sticky red fluid flowing through the dorito laden chesthair that pokes out from your wifebeater like a wild prarie dog on the lookout for predators, while you watch house reruns, and plan how you will spend the tens of thousands of dollars you will never win from that scratchoff you just bought, awaiting you at your hovel, but the fact that your inability to count to the five dollars and forty nine cents is not my fault. 

Let us blame the public education system for your inability to handle everyday math, and perhaps your therapist, for not properly adusting you to life outside the mental health center or make sure your dose was correct. I know it is a great inconvenience for me to delay you for the aprroximate 45 seconds it will take for you to fish out the extra dollar and forty nine cents, after informing you that the price posted directly below the product you grabbed is indeed the price you pay, but please do not take the sudden realization that you are an idiot out on me. Yes I know the customers behind you are rolling their eyes and laughing but again not my fault, though I do concur with their sentiment. I know calling me an asshole will somehow speed your journey home, because I can feel the time passing more quickly already as the urge to jump this counter and pummel you with what remains of the six pack you didnt manage to pour down your gullet in the time we have interacted, somehow makes time seem trivial compared to my urge to bury you in a crawlspace. The stupid issue however will remain.

I thank you for making what should have been a very simple, poilite, and quick task take 20 minutes, while the customers behind you cursed your mother for birthing you, while at the same time wondering, as I do, how she ever managed to squeeze that flaky zeppelin you call a head from such a small opening. I look forward to interacting with you again, which I will, because you somehow in your busy, busy, day of faygo swigging, scratching, and managing to don sweatpants that never seem to cover the hairy crevasse of doom that is your asscrack, visit my store 5 to 9 times a night.



Dear sexy redhead with the amazing boobs that somehow managed to stay in that tiny top mezmorizing me into the trance that almost made me forget the prior incident:

THANK YOU! Please, and I truly mean this, Please, come again! Your smile, kindness, and assets saved what could have been an altogether crappy day. I should have bought your smokes as a thank you but my motor skills were oddly impaired at your visage. My coworker later informed me that it was probably a sudden loss of blood to my brain and in hindsight think this may be correct. ;p


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

scorpioinco said:


> Dear rude ass customer,
> 
> I realize that you have a great life of spilling strawberry faygo (you apparently have a drinking problem from the already existing stains, which I can only assume stem from your constant mouthbreathing) creating a rivulet of sticky red fluid flowing through the dorito laden chesthair that pokes out from your wifebeater like a wild prarie dog on the lookout for predators, while you watch house reruns, and plan how you will spend the tens of thousands of dollars you will never win from that scratchoff you just bought, awaiting you at your hovel, but the fact that your inability to count to the five dollars and forty nine cents is not my fault.
> 
> Let us blame the public education system for your inability to handle everyday math, and perhaps your therapist, for not properly adusting you to life outside the mental health center or make sure your dose was correct. I know it is a great inconvenience for me to delay you for the aprroximate 45 seconds it will take for you to fish out the extra dollar and forty nine cents, after informing you that the price posted directly below the product you grabbed is indeed the price you pay, but please do not take the sudden realization that you are an idiot out on me. Yes I know the customers behind you are rolling their eyes and laughing but again not my fault, though I do concur with their sentiment. I know calling me an asshole will somehow speed your journey home, because I can feel the time passing more quickly already as the urge to jump this counter and pummel you with what remains of the six pack you didnt manage to pour down your gullet in the time we have interacted, somehow makes time seem trivial compared to my urge to bury you in a crawlspace. The stupid issue however will remain.
> 
> I thank you for making what should have been a very simple, poilite, and quick task take 20 minutes, while the customers behind you cursed your mother for birthing you, while at the same time wondering, as I do, how she ever managed to squeeze that flaky zeppelin you call a head from such a small opening. I look forward to interacting with you again, which I will, because you somehow in your busy, busy, day of faygo swigging, scratching, and managing to don sweatpants that never seem to cover the hairy crevasse of doom that is your asscrack, visit my store 5 to 9 times a night.
> 
> 
> 
> Dear sexy redhead with the amazing boobs that somehow managed to stay in that tiny top mezmorizing me into the trance that almost made me forget the prior incident:
> 
> THANK YOU! Please, and I truly mean this, Please, come again! Your smile, kindness, and assets saved what could have been an altogether crappy day. I should have bought your smokes as a thank you but my motor skills were oddly impaired at your visage. My coworker later informed me that it was probably a sudden loss of blood to my brain and in hindsight think this may be correct. ;p



Hahahaha. Hilarious.


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

scorpioinco said:


> Dear sexy redhead with the amazing boobs that somehow managed to stay in that tiny top mezmorizing me into the trance that almost made me forget the prior incident:
> 
> THANK YOU! Please, and I truly mean this, Please, come again! Your smile, kindness, and assets saved what could have been an altogether crappy day. I should have bought your smokes as a thank you but my motor skills were oddly impaired at your visage. My coworker later informed me that it was probably a sudden loss of blood to my brain and in hindsight think this may be correct. ;p



Haha, as long as there was a happy ending!

~~Dear Brain:

Stop having dreams that involve a great friend and old crush of mine. I haven't talked to her in years, and it really confuses me. Instead, you may return to your usual carefree imaginings involving firefights with aliens that look like Pauly Shore, or something similarly goofy. Many thanks! -Me


----------



## SweetNYLady

Dear luckbthis,

Thank you for the vote of confidence in the shoe-wearing. I'm working up my nerve to do it, its like the story of the little train that could lol

They're gonna go perfectly with a cute sundress that I bought and that I'm waiting to wear as well 

Thank you again,
your shoe lovin partner in crime ;-)







luckbthisbblady said:


> Hi Sweet...
> 
> I'm new to this Dimensions forum, and came across your post about having fear in wearing a pair of shoes you fell in love with. I'm here to tell you to please, please WEAR THE SHOES!! There is nothing like a sexy shoe to give us beautiful BBW's that extra sexiness. There's something about shoes that just makes an outfit pop.
> 
> For me, I LOVE, LOVE shoes. I have at least 100 pair and 100 more pair in storage. There's nothing like a 4" Carolos Santana, Vince Camuto, Antonio Melani or BCBG shoe that makes me feel sexier.
> 
> Don't be afraid to wear those great sandals! Just put them on and walk out of the house and strut!!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Inconsiderate Dad at the Pool,

I know you love your child and are spending time with him. However, you are FAR from the only people in that public pool. When you dove sideways, directly into my path and almost kicked me in the face, I had thoughts of stabbing you. At the very least, some huge fat kid should have jumped on your ignorant, obnoxious head and made you choke under water. 
Wait 3 seconds next time to jump....that way you aren't being an asshole in front of your child. Your mother should have taught you some manners and common sense to use out in public.

Sincerely,
The Fat bitch that can't stand idiots such as yourself


----------



## italianmike21

dear me,
thanks for being such a jackass instead of working on things you open your mouth and babble incoherently not really having the right words to say, you might have single handedly ruined the best relationship you had.


----------



## italianmike21

dear you,
im sorry. i got too wrapped in the fact that i hurt you that i didnt take the time to listen and hear how you felt, well you have my ear, pinky promise, ill zip my lip and let you do the talking without interruption, its been a long time coming.


----------



## CAMellie

smithnwesson said:


> Dear Penis:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hez0oL5WTBQ




Dear smithnwesson,

Thank you for making me almost wet my panties! I faved this video. :happy:


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Midnight Express.

Last night's game of Resistance 2 was the single most greatest display of ineptitude I have EVER seen. Not only did we get progressively worse as time went on but we managed to kill OURSELVES more than we did the Chimera.

J-Magic sprinting and diving off a cliff when he got surrounded had my sides hurting for 20 minutes....and then when I had calmed down, Mr America throwing a grenade 15 feet away from him and proceeding to walk right into it causing me to laugh even harder. Then there was my imitation of the A-Team when I unloaded a 30 round clip and hit absolutely nothing but the air, the ground and maybe a wall.

By far, the most epic part of the night had to be Johnny Boy managing to give us cover fire by literally covering us in the taxi cab he had blown up with the LAARK.....thanks a pantload.

By far that was the worst matchup I've ever played, and the most fun I've ever had, thanks guys.
- Ajax


----------



## JerseyGirl07093

Dear Neuropathy,
Go f*ck yourself.
Love, Me


----------



## smithnwesson

CAMellie said:


> Dear smithnwesson,
> 
> Thank you for making me almost wet my panties! I faved this video. :happy:



Thenk yew! Thenk yew! My work is done here.


----------



## CAMellie

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> Dear Neuropathy,
> Go f*ck yourself.
> Love, Me



Yeah...what SHE said!


----------



## Rowan

Dear Time,

Please hurry up and pass so that I can see Mike again.

Thanks!
-Impatient to see her boyfriend


----------



## Cleofatra_74

Dear 

cranky old bastard at the pool,

WTF is your problem?? If your going to mouth off at me for whatever your stupid reason is, don't do it while I'm working!! And if you are going to, make sure your close enough to at least be heard, you moron!!!!!

From 

annoyed at myself for letting it still get to me.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear fucktard loser assholes,

You shot my dad, shot my step-mom, pistol-whipped my younger brother, and held a gun to my little sister's head...and didn't take a damned thing. We know it was an inside job; you gave yourself away by escorting my step-mom directly to where the safe is hidden in their room. Too bad my dad had moved the money to his bank account less than 24 hours previously, huh?
Karma's a bitch...and will be coming down on you in a fury real soon.


----------



## Famouslastwords

Wow I'm so sorry that happened! That's terrible.


----------



## nikola090

Dear world,
I hope that having a relationship with a beautiful curvy lady that I like could be reality a day 

Me


----------



## steely

I'm having a really bad day today, I think I'll just give it up for today and try again tomorrow.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear whatever higher power,

One out of two.....is that so much to ask for? Both I imagine would be too much but at least one of the two would be nice.

-
Me


----------



## Rowan

Dear Lord,

Thank you so much that Mike was not hurt when that tornado, confirmed on the news, formed right over him last night on his way to his project. I'd be devastated to lose him when I just found him, especially since he could most certainly be Mr.Right, 

-thankful for small favors


----------



## KHayes666

Dear manowar9284,

Whatever cheat code you used, I'm gonna find it. I emptied a whole 30 round clip into you and you didn't die, you shoot me ONCE with a marksman and i'm gone. While I'm respawning I see you have no shield or force barrier and is taking heavy fire from other players yet was still standing while killing the others. No beserk could have kept you alive that long...no way.

THIS is why online gameplay is so wretched sometimes, out and out cheats who ruin it for others or like on the episode of South Park with the world of warcrap.....losers with no lives who know every minute detail and have leveled up so much their impossible to kill or beat.

Thank gawd for tonight's date

-Ajax


----------



## JerseyGirl07093

steely said:


> I'm having a really bad day today, I think I'll just give it up for today and try again tomorrow.



Hope your tomorrow is better!


----------



## mszwebs

Dear person,

I hate the fact that every time, from now on, when I hear certain songs, I will forever think of you. 

You have no idea how much that frustrates me. Songs that were my favorites and even songs that ifont like all have a weird place with me now. 

Arrgh. God Damn it.


----------



## chocolate desire

Dear C I am so glad you have been a part of my life for so many years. Thank you for trusting me and being a great friend.


----------



## Suze

Dear self
You crazy dork.
- I


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

Dear person:

Every animal, from fish to fowl to four-legged friend (i.e. Dog or cat), is not just some product to be purchased, a piece of property. They are living animals. The reason we can't sell them to individuals who do not have the proper equipment or who do not give them the proper care they need isn't just a matter of saving money, or customer satisfaction. It's because animals cannot care for themselves. We have to care for them and about them. I did not suspect such a concept was a difficult one. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't sell your dog to someone whom you knew was just going to neglect it or kill it, no matter how much money you might get. So how this becomes a "business choice" is a little beyond me. But, I tried to explain it!

Best wishes,
An animal lover


----------



## gypsy

Dear Las Vegas,

I miss you. 

*weeps*

Signed,

Addicted to Sin


----------



## KHayes666

Dear guy I mentioned a week ago,

Ok.....I was wrong, you didn't use a cheat code but rather a perfectly legal Beserk I wasn't aware existed until I unlocked it myself.

Rather than be mad at you I'm more pissed at the game designers who made it virtually impossible for first time players/rookies to compete with the nerds who play 12 hours a day and have unlocked every upgrade/armor.

Can't wait till Arkham Missions comes out, maybe this time I'll be able to beat people up first try.


----------



## SMA413

Dear Georgie-
You are sooooo wrong for me, it's delicious. 
- The Princess
P.S. Come back from Indiana ASAP. 

Dear self- 
It would be phenomenal if you could muster up the energy to do something other than sleep and work all the time.
Kthnx-
Me

Dear work-
I've never been so burnt out so soon. I've only been working there 6 months and I'm already considering a transfer. Maybe if my manager wasn't a little 4'0" troll who meddles too much, it'd be a little bit more bearable. Whatever. I'll just grin and bear it. 
- Tired, RN


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear "That Guy",

She's not looking too good under your care bro, now I don't feel so bad about getting burned by you.

Evilly,

Me

Dear "That Girl"

Yes, bitch, it WAS me you saw in Menchies. Wear some makeup or something. I mean, when you're that ugly you just have to.

Bitchily,

Me


----------



## crayola box

Dear Mom,
I love you, but your interrogatory skills could rival the FBI's. If, for example, I tell you that I am going to a party its fine that you want to know whose party, and where it is. Pressing me for details about how I am getting there, when I am coming home, why the location was chosen etc. is however annoying. I realize to you this is taking an interest in my life, but to me it makes our daily conversation feel like a game of 20 questions. So yes, I feel bad that I pointed this out and hurt your feelings, because as mothers go I couldn't ask for a better one. But, sometimes at the end of a long workweek, when my patience is shot, I am not in the mood for sharing everything down to the last detail. We don't need to spend hours on the phone in order to have a good relationship. Rest assured the sky will not fall if our conversation only lasts a couple of minutes that day.

Love,
the daughter you sometimes drive up a wall


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

> Red hair, blue eyes and lovely lips
> 
> Body:
> Caroline,
> 
> I do believe you have it all. I'd love to learn more about you. Let's talk.
> 
> As for me...
> 
> I work as a contractor for the Army in Afghanistan. I come home about twice a year. I'm also somewhat older then you at 57 so there is that. As for the rest of me; I'm 5'8" tall, weigh 140 lbs and have blue eyes and I'm bald. If you are interested I can't get on here as often as I'd like so if you do want to contact me it's best done by Gmail. My Gmail address is: (removed)
> 
> I just had to write.
> 
> (name removed)



Dear Unknown Person that sent me that PM on another site:

My eyes are green. It's best that I don't email you because.....you're full of shit methinks. 

Learn to pay closer attention to your marks.....

Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## SMA413

Dear Jared-
what.the.fuck. Do you have like an internal sensor that goes off the minute I finally stop thinking about you or when I'm happy?? It seems like every time I feel 100% over you, you somehow pick that exact moment to drop back into my life. What the hell compelled you to just randomly drop by my apartment this morning without so much as a call or a text? Oh that's right- you had to delete my number because of your GIRLFRIEND. Did you think if you just showed up at my door, I'd just drop my panties?? 

So yeah- I'm sorry you hiked up 3 flights of stairs with a broken foot for nothing, but I really think it'd be best if you just hobbled back to Jackie and stayed there for a while. 

- Samantha


----------



## gypsy

SMA413 said:


> Dear Jared-
> what.the.fuck. Do you have like an internal sensor that goes off the minute I finally stop thinking about you or when I'm happy?? It seems like every time I feel 100% over you, you somehow pick that exact moment to drop back into my life. What the hell compelled you to just randomly drop by my apartment this morning without so much as a call or a text? Oh that's right- you had to delete my number because of your GIRLFRIEND. Did you think if you just showed up at my door, I'd just drop my panties??
> 
> So yeah- I'm sorry you hiked up 3 flights of stairs with a broken foot for nothing, but I really think it'd be best if you just hobbled back to Jackie and stayed there for a while.
> 
> - Samantha



Dear Samantha,

That is a very large set of brass balls this Jared chap has.

Would you like me to remove them for you? It would indeed give me pleasure, as I cannot STAND this kinda guy.

love,

I Know Where To Bury The Body.


----------



## TraciJo67

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Unknown Person that sent me that PM on another site:
> 
> My eyes are green. It's best that I don't email you because.....you're full of shit methinks.
> 
> Learn to pay closer attention to your marks.....
> 
> Sincerely,
> Moi



Oh, Caroline, I'd have had some fun with this one. Gathered a group of friends to get in on the joke and played some "Secretly Married Guy Lingo Bingo" at his expense. You let him get away. Shame.


----------



## Lovelyone

You~
I was hoping that you wouldn't be there, cos I was worried about my temper and knew that I had things to say to you that might not be so nice. I knew I would be fine when all I could think of when I saw you was... "Damn, I think I got sunburned on my cheeks today." There was no anger, no frustration--just a feeling of thankfulness that I wasn't the one that had to suffer the humiliation of the looks of embarrassment when you acted an immature fool (and you did). I left there feeling pretty proud of myself and happy that the experience with you was a short one.


Sign me "VERY thankful that I got to see things from the outside in."
Terri


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

TraciJo67 said:


> Oh, Caroline, I'd have had some fun with this one. Gathered a group of friends to get in on the joke and played some "Secretly Married Guy Lingo Bingo" at his expense. You let him get away. Shame.



I only toy with the younger ones that I might actually be sexually attracted to- it's more fun that way


----------



## ThikJerseyChik

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Unknown Person that sent me that PM on another site:
> 
> My eyes are green. It's best that I don't email you because.....you're full of shit methinks.
> 
> Learn to pay closer attention to your marks.....
> 
> Sincerely,
> Moi




Dear GEF -

You are STILL hawt - I want you!

Smooches,

Brown Eyed TJC


----------



## italianmike21

*Dear co-worker of mine, 
Your constant bickering and complaining has not only made coming to work a pain but it has also slowed our productivity. Instead of complaining all the time why not just be quiet and do your job. Hearing how much you hate working, and about all the people you cannot stand just makes me tune you out.
*- Mike


----------



## SMA413

gypsy said:


> Dear Samantha,
> 
> That is a very large set of brass balls this Jared chap has.
> 
> Would you like me to remove them for you? It would indeed give me pleasure, as I cannot STAND this kinda guy.
> 
> love,
> 
> I Know Where To Bury The Body.



Dearest Gypsy-

Yes please 

- Samantha


----------



## goofy girl

Dear Husband-

Stop pissing me off. 

Thanks-
Bridget


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

ThikJerseyChik said:


> Dear GEF -
> 
> You are STILL hawt - I want you!
> 
> Smooches,
> 
> Brown Eyed TJC




Dear TJC,

I love blue eyes. Do you like bald guys in the army?

Email me so we can do each other online. Do you have a cam?

I just have to do you....errrrrr I mean write.

Moi


----------



## SuperMishe

Dear Leg,
Please please _please _be well enough on Tuesday to be rid of this damn machine. That is all I ask at this time.
Thx


----------



## mszwebs

Dear Mossy,

HAHAHAHHA.

Seriously. I laughed.

And you can put your matches away  I'm not going back lol

Love,

Bella


----------



## mossystate

Dear Bella, 

I am just proud of myself that I did not say more.




MossyTheThing


----------



## ThikJerseyChik

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear TJC,
> 
> I love blue eyes. Do you like bald guys in the army?
> 
> Email me so we can do each other online. Do you have a cam?
> 
> I just have to do you....errrrrr I mean write.
> 
> Moi



GEF:

They MUST have hair (sorry bald men on DIMS) and no cam. Does this disqualify me??

Sobbing, TJC


----------



## gypsy

Dear Work,

Although I appreciate the fact that you are the reason that food goes on my table, I still hate you. 

Signed,

Want Vacation Back


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

ThikJerseyChik said:


> GEF:
> 
> They MUST have hair (sorry bald men on DIMS) and no cam. Does this disqualify me??
> 
> Sobbing, TJC



Dearest TJC, 

Now, now dear....dry those beautiful blue eyes of yours.....

If you don't have a cam, then you can just look at mine baby. 

You don't have to look at my bald head on cam......I want to show you something else instead.....

See, I really am a nice guy.....

CAMoflauge man


----------



## Victim

Dear Heat Wave

Knock it the fuck off already. I just hacked together my portable workshop and you're keeping me from doing anything but lazing around in air conditioned libraries, movie theaters, and restaurants. You've had your day (or two) in the sun, now GO AWAY.


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear you, 

Well, things have come full circle and what was a bad situation before is being put before us again. I hope we can deal with it better this time, but since you haven't changed, I have serious doubts. I'm not looking forward to having to deal with issues I thought were in the past, but it seems I have no choice but to find a way. 

Frustrated and annoyed.


----------



## disaster117

-BUMP-

Dear you...if you want to listen, 

I loved you. I really did. We were the best of friends. You made me laugh constantly and I will always miss that being in my life. But...in our friendship, you did more harm than good. It just has to be this way, and I know I'm going about it in a pretty low way, but it's the only way I know how with you. You're so difficult. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but that last time I saw you really was the last straw. I wish you could just take a step back and understand where I'm coming from, or even where the rest of your friends are coming from. I just can't take it anymore. I can't take you anymore. I'll never forget the good times we had, and maybe a few years down the road we can somehow be friends again, but I really don't see that happening anytime soon. I just have to say goodbye, in a nicer way, because I really am a better person than what I'm doing to you now makes me seem like.. I swear it. Letting you go is really the most selfish thing I think I've ever done, but I need to be selfish now. I need to stop focusing on other people and start focusing on myself, and this is what's best for me. I can't sit here and say that I'm sorry or any other type of bullshit like that, because I know you'll just copy and paste it all and make fun of it with...I don't know, someone...but I want you to know that I always cared, and I always tried to be the best friend that I could. I just don't feel you ever reciprocated that. All I know is that there isn't any turning back from this decision that I made over the course of these last few weeks, and I'm going to have to live with this for the rest of my life, but I'm ready to do just that. 

I'll see you around,
Alyssa.


----------



## thatgirl08

Dear you.. if you'd like to listen,

If you truly believe I'm the terrible scary monster you're making me about to be, you never really knew me at all. 

& the fact that you are threatening to tell the world about something so incredibly personal that I entrusted to you (and you know how difficult it was for me.. I know you remember the conversation and how much begging and convincing it entailed on your behalf) against me makes me think I never really knew you at all because the Alyssa that I was friends with for four years would have been disgusted with herself for sinking this low.

That my dear, is a tragedy all within itself.

Adios sweetheart,
Rachel.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear pet store creepy guy:

All I wanted was a bag of gerbil food. That's it. I didn't want to hear about why guinea pigs are better than gerbils, but not nearly as good as hamsters. I really could care less about the internecine tribalistic conflicts of your house rodents. Methinks you went to see G-Force and thought it was a declassified military training film.

I should have given you that advice about wrapping your hamster in duck tape so it doesn't explode when you fuck it. I knew a guy who knew a guy who didn't take that to heart and it was...unfortunate. Alas, poor Snuffins, we knew you well. A varmint of infinite jest and cheek pouchery...


----------



## shinyapple

Dear Chili's Waiter -

I heart you. You are always so nice. We never have to wait for a table. You know us all by sight, including what we drink. My glass is never less than half full. You sit and joke with us if you get a break. Not to mention the fact that you are funny, tall, tattooed and hot. 

You may not be an FA, but you are awfully friendly to the table full of fat girls AND you always comp dessert. I'm just sayin'! 

Signed, 
The Young One
--------------------------------------------------------------

Dear cute chubby drive-thru girl, 

You are beautiful. You sell french fries at 2am. What's not to love?

p.s. can I lick your tattoos?
---------------------------------------------------------------

Dear late night gaming buddy, 

I'm not kidding when I tell you you're hot. You really are. Your voice is also dead sexy, but I've already told you that more than I should. If you were into fat girls, I'd totally be a cougar for you. Mrowwrrr!

Signed, 
The Chick who Always Wins
---------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Self, 

See all these crushes? Yeah, that's a sign you need a date. Get on that soon please!

Thanks, 
The Management


----------



## sunnie1653

Dear little ones,

Please.. please don't wake up at 5:30 again tomorrow morning. And please nap today.. I'm going to need a couple extra hours today myself. *Yawn*

Love, 
Sleepy Mommy






------------------

Dear .... "Mother."

Stop. Your. Crap. They're my kids. Not yours. Give me back their hospital bracelets, their hospital nameplate, and the scrapbook you made "for me." (That you're fully intending on keeping yourself.) Not everything is about you and I'm not going to subject my children to the horrors that I grew up with. You ruined this for yourself. I'm tired of your lies.

Your "sick of your bullshit" daughter.


----------



## mergirl

Dear Dimensions

Its not me its you!

xMe


----------



## Ruffie

Dear Folks
I am getting really tired of your empty promises. When someone says they are going to come and do something for you or with you and then doesn't show, call or remember it chaps my hide! And when you are called on it I am a bitch for doing so in your mind. Seriously you need to get with the program folks!


----------



## Surlysomething

YOU ARE = YOU'RE (contraction) *

NOT* YOUR


that is all (instructions linked for YOUR convenience)


----------



## Famouslastwords

Surlysomething said:


> YOU ARE = YOU'RE (contraction) *
> 
> NOT* YOUR
> 
> 
> that is all (instructions linked for YOUR convenience)



Just be like every internet reject and use UR for everything!

I'm in ur post making nonsense suggestions.....


----------



## mergirl

Surlysomething said:


> YOU ARE = YOU'RE (contraction) *
> 
> NOT* YOUR
> 
> 
> that is all (instructions linked for YOUR convenience)



maahn your pedantic!


----------



## mergirl

mergirl said:


> maahn your pedantic!



are you on you're period?


----------



## Surlysomething

mergirl said:


> maahn your pedantic!




you need a spank, lady


----------



## Surlysomething

Famouslastwords said:


> Just be like every internet reject and use UR for everything!
> 
> I'm in ur post making nonsense suggestions.....




Ha! I'm in your post giving the finger!

:finger:


----------



## mergirl

Surlysomething said:


> you need a spank, lady


If your going to spank me you need to ask GD ..cause i'm not you'res!! 
tee hee.


----------



## Surlysomething

mergirl said:


> If your going to spank me you need to ask GD ..cause i'm not you'res!!
> tee hee.




I don't ask anyone for anything. Haha.


----------



## vardon_grip

Surlysomething said:


> YOU ARE = YOU'RE (contraction) *
> 
> NOT* YOUR
> 
> 
> that is all (instructions linked for YOUR convenience)



I'm with you Surly!
I won't get you started with:
to-too
there-their-they're
a lot (not alot)
than-then
accept-except

The list goes on and on...


----------



## mergirl

vardon_grip said:


> I'm with you Surly!
> I won't get you started with:
> to-too
> there-their-they're
> a lot (not alot)
> than-then
> accept-except
> 
> The list goes on and on...



Hmmm... sure is alot of moaning in this thread. to much if you ask me. Mind you their always was, so i guess i'm just going to have to exept it than. 
hahaha.. i amuse me!!


----------



## mergirl

Surlysomething said:


> I don't ask anyone for anything. Haha.



Yikes, i better bend over then. 'your' going to have to mud wrestle gd later when she gets all anoyed!! lmao!

hmm.. i have no idea.. why 'mudwrestling' was the first thing i thought of.. haha.. its not even my 'thing'!!
i guess it sounded less agressive than you will have to batter each other!


----------



## Rowan

Surlysomething said:


> YOU ARE = YOU'RE (contraction) *
> 
> NOT* YOUR
> 
> 
> that is all (instructions linked for YOUR convenience)





vardon_grip said:


> I'm with you Surly!
> I won't get you started with:
> to-too
> there-their-they're
> a lot (not alot)
> than-then
> accept-except
> 
> The list goes on and on...




I love this! I wouldnt say im a grammar nazi, but some of this stuff was taught in primary school for pete's sake. lol


----------



## mergirl

Rowan said:


> I love this! I wouldnt say im a grammar nazi, but some of this stuff was taught in primary school for pete's sake. lol


As was PE but you don't see me climbing up ropes and doing jumping jacks now. I am far too busy to worry about such things!!!!


----------



## TraciJo67

I will admit, I once was a terrible grammar nazi/literacy snob. Years of communicating on message boards has softened my perspective. There are a lot of people who struggle, for a variety of reasons, with spelling and punctuation ... yet they have insightful and intelligent things to say, and meaningful contributions to make. If I can make sense of what is being said, with very little effort on my part, then how a word is spelled or a sentence is structured doesn't even register with me anymore.

That said, I get really annoyed with people who communicate IN ALL CAPS or in bright, bold letters or in any way that is visually distracting, and I will usually skip right over their messages without bothering to read them.


----------



## supersizebbw

Dear acquaintance who i hadn't seen in 5 years,

You knew i was lonely, you knew i had no special person in my life...did that make you think i was desperate? treating me like a queen for 2 seconds then thereafter asking if i could sleep with you? is that why you've now kicked me to the curb since i said no? thanks for playing with my emotions and wasting my time...i hope it's benefitted you because it sure as hell hasn't benefitted me. i had started to climb out of my shell but because of you i'm crawling right back in. i wish i hadn't met you because at least i'd feel like i was going two steps forward instead of two steps back. 

PS: and what makes me maddest of all is that i keep looking at my phone every five minutes hoping you'll call. f*ck you!


----------



## mergirl

TraciJo67 said:


> I will admit, I once was a terrible grammar nazi/literacy snob. Years of communicating on message boards has softened my perspective. There are a lot of people who struggle, for a variety of reasons, with spelling and punctuation ... yet they have insightful and intelligent things to say, and meaningful contributions to make. If I can make sense of what is being said, with very little effort on my part, then how a word is spelled or a sentence is structured doesn't even register with me anymore.
> 
> That said, I get really annoyed with people who communicate IN ALL CAPS or in bright, bold letters or in any way that is visually distracting, and I will usually skip right over their messages without bothering to read them.


I generally think language is all about the communication. I have quite a few foreign (sp) friends.. and people actually have the audacity to check them on thier spelling. My swedish friend in particualar can communicate in 6 languages (give or take) she shouldnt have to be perfect in all of them!! The funny (and crass and anoying) thing is.. i will bet the people who are pulling her up about her grammer/spelling etc can only speak one language. 
I'm happy you are no longer a gramma nazi my friend.. or i belive you would have to hate me... as i am a spellshit as you know!!


----------



## mossystate

DeaR TracI,


*SHuT Up*


m*OSSy*


----------



## mergirl

mossystate said:


> DeaR TracI,
> 
> 
> *SHuT Up*
> 
> 
> m*OSSy*



That actually made me make the noise.."poo thoo"!! It was a kinna laugh crossed with disbelief!! 
Fab.. and so creative!! :happy:


----------



## mossystate

mergirl said:


> That actually made me make the noise.."poo thoo"!! It was a kinna laugh crossed with disbelief!!
> Fab.. and so creative!! :happy:



I was going to type out a long letter like that. I then knew that if I did that, I would have to then open a vein. I have too much to do today. Maybe tomorrow!


----------



## TraciJo67

mossystate said:


> DeaR TracI,
> 
> 
> *SHuT Up*
> 
> 
> m*OSSy*



Dear Mossy,
Bite my knob. We'll assume for the sake of this insult that I have a knob for you to bite.

Dear Mergirliegirl,
When you first starting posting here, I underestimated you (to my great but fortunately temporary detriment). I love how you think, how you express yourself, and I wouldn't change one damn thing about how you choose to communicate, even if I could.

Also, refer to my love letter to Mossy, as the same applies to you (for laughing with her).

Love,
Ms. Dims Congeniality 2009


----------



## fatgirlflyin

TraciJo67 said:


> I will admit, I once was a terrible grammar nazi/literacy snob. Years of communicating on message boards has softened my perspective. There are a lot of people who struggle, for a variety of reasons, with spelling and punctuation ... yet they have insightful and intelligent things to say, and meaningful contributions to make. If I can make sense of what is being said, with very little effort on my part, then how a word is spelled or a sentence is structured doesn't even register with me anymore.
> 
> That said, I get really annoyed with people who communicate IN ALL CAPS or in bright, bold letters or in any way that is visually distracting, and I will usually skip right over their messages without bothering to read them.



REALLY bad with the punctuation here!

Usually I just sprinkle some commas around because I know they should be there but I'm not really sure where. LOL


----------



## mergirl

fatgirlflyin said:


> REALLY bad with the punctuation here!
> 
> Usually I just sprinkle some commas around because I know they should be there but I'm not really sure where. LOL



I was, always, told, to use , them, when, you would, take a breath, or pause, for, a , moment. Sorry, i just, ran up the ,stairs!!


----------



## mossystate

mergirl said:


> I was, always, told, to use , them, when, you would, take a breath, or pause, for, a , moment. Sorry, i just, ran up the ,stairs!!



LOL

I use the fuck out of commas....oh....and.....these. When I am thinking what I am typing, I sometimes go for .....effect. I should be a television preacher.

* pounds on mer's chest, and tosses a bucket of water on her *


----------



## Famouslastwords

mergirl said:


> Yikes, i better bend over then. 'your' going to have to mud wrestle gd later when she gets all anoyed!! lmao!
> 
> hmm.. i have no idea.. why 'mudwrestling' was the first thing i thought of.. haha.. its not even my 'thing'!!
> i guess it sounded less agressive than you will have to batter each other!


Jello wrestling. I pick grape. Strawberry is overused.



TraciJo67 said:


> I will admit, I once was a terrible grammar nazi/literacy snob. Years of communicating on message boards has softened my perspective. There are a lot of people who struggle, for a variety of reasons, with spelling and punctuation ... yet they have insightful and intelligent things to say, and meaningful contributions to make. If I can make sense of what is being said, with very little effort on my part, then how a word is spelled or a sentence is structured doesn't even register with me anymore.
> 
> That said, I get really annoyed with people who communicate IN ALL CAPS or in bright, bold letters or in any way that is visually distracting, and I will usually skip right over their messages without bothering to read them.


The whole message in all caps or just particular words in all caps? I'm guilty of the latter. 



mossystate said:


> DeaR TracI,
> 
> 
> *SHuT Up*
> 
> 
> m*OSSy*


JeSUs mOsSy



TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Mossy,
> Bite my knob. We'll assume for the sake of this insult that I have a knob for you to bite.
> 
> Dear Mergirliegirl,
> When you first starting posting here, I underestimated you (to my great but fortunately temporary detriment). I love how you think, how you express yourself, and I wouldn't change one damn thing about how you choose to communicate, even if I could.
> 
> Also, refer to my love letter to Mossy, as the same applies to you (for laughing with her).
> 
> Love,
> Ms. Dims Congeniality 2009



Right after I repped you for being a good girl I have to see you write bite my knob! That's one of the things I love about you TJ.

I laughed too, do I get a nibble?


----------



## mossystate

Famouslastwords said:


> JeSUs mOsSy



FINE!!

I will be your personal savior. My work here is never done. Even my boss had a day to rest. Fuck this job.

don't nibble on Traci's knob...unlike snapple, it is not made of the best stuff


----------



## Famouslastwords

mossystate said:


> FINE!!
> 
> I will be your personal savior. My work here is never done. Even my boss had a day to rest. Fuck this job.
> 
> don't nibble on Traci's knob...unlike snapple, it is not made of the best stuff



No see, in typical internet fashion... I forgot the comma. What I meant to type was JeSUs, mOsSy but I'm too cool to use commaz.

Awww and here I was hoping it was made of that bacon sausage bbq thing in the THINGS THAT SCARE YOU thread.


----------



## mergirl

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Mossy,
> Bite my knob. We'll assume for the sake of this insult that I have a knob for you to bite.
> 
> Dear Mergirliegirl,
> When you first starting posting here, I underestimated you (to my great but fortunately temporary detriment). I love how you think, how you express yourself, and I wouldn't change one damn thing about how you choose to communicate, even if I could.
> 
> Also, refer to my love letter to Mossy, as the same applies to you (for laughing with her).
> 
> Love,
> Ms. Dims Congeniality 2009



Awww..thank you. I will totally be voting for you to win in the All American genital pagent when it happens!!! 



mossystate said:


> LOL
> 
> I use the fuck out of commas....oh....and.....these. When I am thinking what I am typing, I sometimes go for .....effect. I should be a television preacher.
> 
> * pounds on mer's chest, and tosses a bucket of water on her *



Thank you for the revival... i do these>.............too.....If we told people it was top morse code that is infact preventing ww3 i bet they wouldnt believe us!! ........... ... ............!!!!


----------



## fatgirlflyin

mergirl said:


> I was, always, told, to use , them, when, you would, take a breath, or pause, for, a , moment. Sorry, i just, ran up the ,stairs!!



Be careful going back down the stairs, wouldn't want you to trip or anything.


----------



## mergirl

fatgirlflyin said:


> Be careful going back down the stairs, wouldn't want you to trip or anything.



.. ......... .. ............!!!!


----------



## Crystal

Dear you,

Thank you so much for what you did. It made me realize how truly pathetic and shallow you really are. Thanks to that dick move you made, I am so much happier with myself and where I'm going. If it hadn't been for you, I'd still be stuck in the same rut and would still be infatuated with someone who doesn't deserve ANY female's love or adoration. And last but not least, thanks to you, I've met someone who truly does love me and who I couldn't be happier to know. 

I owe a deep debt of gratitude to you.

Good luck with your pathetic excuse for a life, still living at home, with no drive to want to fix any of your problems. 


Crystal


----------



## Sugar

Dear Immune System,

Please try to fight this cold. I kinda need to go back to work.

Thanks,
Coughy McCough

~~~~~~

Dear Marcelo,

Thank you for the soup and the food and the water. I think you are humanitarian of the year.

Love,
Cocada

~~~~~~

Dear Monkey,

29 days! YAY!

Hugs & kisses,
Honeybear


----------



## mossystate

Dear Mark Whicker, 


Eat shit and crawl back into your swamp.

http://www.ocregister.com/articles/world-won-most-2555260-never-one


_" Now that's deprivation. "_

You really do not think you did anything wrong. You keep blaming everybody ...but yourself. To the droolers who support you, share some of that shit with them. Make sure you all choke on it.


Signed,

Person who really wonders about some sports nuts(acks)


----------



## Famouslastwords

CrystalUT11 said:


> Dear you,
> 
> Thank you so much for what you did. It made me realize how truly pathetic and shallow you really are. Thanks to that dick move you made, I am so much happier with myself and where I'm going. If it hadn't been for you, I'd still be stuck in the same rut and would still be infatuated with someone who doesn't deserve ANY female's love or adoration. And last but not least, thanks to you, I've met someone who truly does love me and who I couldn't be happier to know.
> 
> I owe a deep debt of gratitude to you.
> 
> Good luck with your pathetic excuse for a life, still living at home, with no drive to want to fix any of your problems.
> 
> 
> Crystal



Finally a letter I know is not to me because I know who it is to!


----------



## Famouslastwords

mossystate said:


> Dear Mark Whicker,
> 
> 
> Eat shit and crawl back into your swamp.
> 
> http://www.ocregister.com/articles/world-won-most-2555260-never-one
> 
> 
> _" Now that's deprivation. "_
> 
> You really do not think you did anything wrong. You keep blaming everybody ...but yourself. To the droolers who support you, share some of that shit with them. Make sure you all choke on it.
> 
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Person who really wonders about some sports nuts(acks)




Oh I'm writing this asshole an angry letter right now.


----------



## Famouslastwords

mossystate said:


> Dear Mark Whicker,
> 
> 
> Eat shit and crawl back into your swamp.
> 
> http://www.ocregister.com/articles/world-won-most-2555260-never-one
> 
> 
> _" Now that's deprivation. "_
> 
> You really do not think you did anything wrong. You keep blaming everybody ...but yourself. To the droolers who support you, share some of that shit with them. Make sure you all choke on it.
> 
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Person who really wonders about some sports nuts(acks)





Famouslastwords said:


> Oh I'm writing this asshole an angry letter right now.



Subject: You sir, are an asshole.
Yes, you are. I'm also sure you already know it too. It's probably been what has gotten you this far. Let me tell you something- talking about not high-fiving, as if that's real deprivation, instead of say, missing your teenage years and your whole twenties because you've been kidnapped and raped, which is real deprivation....is just insensitive. Also trying use her situation to further your career is just scummy. Remember, karma is a bitch. I don't know if you believe in God, karma, anything like that, but you'll get yours for this....one day, and you'll know you deserve it.

Sincerely,

Rachel


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear boys:

I know it's probably not right for me to lie to you, telling you that your gerbils ran away into the woods when I was cleaning their cage rather than euthanizing them for the tumors growing on their backs (I'd rather have them die now rather than in more pain or - worst case - be eaten by a cagemate), but I figured you have plenty of years coming up to experience death; no need to expose you to it now. A little funeral and a buried shoebox may have been better for closure, but with dickhead dog next door digging stuff up all over the place I wanted to spare you that horror.

You had four good years with them, and I am sure you will love the replacements just as well.


----------



## Crystal

Famouslastwords said:


> Finally a letter I know is not to me because I know who it is to!



:happy: I would never write a letter like that to you. This letter was to a very...*ahem*...special person.


----------



## mszwebs

Dear "Woman Within,"

Your jeans suck. Really and truly Suck.

That said, offering a size 36 and 38 in "Tummy Control" seems like a waste of whatever you've added to the jeans to make them perform such a feat. Cause honestly, I'm wearing your size 36 jeans and there is none of this proclaimed "Tummy Control." In fact, they can not even be bothered to stay TOGETHER. Odds are, I'm not concerned about Tummy Control at this point. I'd pretty much just like jeans that a) actually fit and b) stay together so I don't have to replace them with new ones within 2 months (not to mention hold them together with DUCT TAPE - which really works, people - until I can afford new ones). AND ones where the button doesn't come apart, ruining an otherwise perfectly good pair of jeans.

Please try harder next time.

Jess


----------



## fatgirlflyin

Dear Jess, 

I'm sorry to laugh at your pain, but the image of you reinforcing your jeans with duct tape seriously made me snort. Duct tape truly does fix everything!

-Ella



mszwebs said:


> Dear "Woman Within,"
> 
> Your jeans suck. Really and truly Suck.
> 
> That said, offering a size 36 and 38 in "Tummy Control" seems like a waste of whatever you've added to the jeans to make them perform such a feat. Cause honestly, I'm wearing your size 36 jeans and there is none of this proclaimed "Tummy Control." In fact, they can not even be bothered to stay TOGETHER. Odds are, I'm not concerned about Tummy Control at this point. I'd pretty much just like jeans that a) actually fit and b) stay together so I don't have to replace them with new ones within 2 months (not to mention hold them together with DUCT TAPE - which really works, people - until I can afford new ones). AND ones where the button doesn't come apart, ruining an otherwise perfectly good pair of jeans.
> 
> Please try harder next time.
> 
> Jess


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

Dear World:

I'm tired of doing everything I can to make things with her work. I've fought for 5+ years to make everything work, because I truly felt this was what love is, and what would make us happy. I want it to be us, together. But you've thrown so much crap in the way, made it difficult at every turn, through distance and miscommunication and what now seems like complete lack of support from anyone, and I don't know if I can overcome anymore. I'm tired of fighting you, World, and I fear I no longer have the strength of will to keep fighting to prove I'm good enough. I worry I have nothing left to give. Did the Giving Tree have anything left it could truly offer after it was just a stump, perhaps its roots to make tea or the sap for sustenance?

I eagerly and anxiously await a reply.
Me


----------



## Cleofatra_74

Dear You,

I am pissed with you for letting me know @ the last minute that you now aren't going to be home when we planned for me to come & visit. Especially after I had to almost beg my boss for a few days off & you know we are short staffed. Turns out I could have just worked & been a few hundred dollars better off.And the offer of me travelling around 5 hours on public transport to see you for one day does not appeal to me at all!

And the next time you have a snide remark about me not coming to visit, I'll be reminding you of this.
I will not be making plans to visit again anytime soon.

Signed 
Massively pissed at you & disappointed!!


----------



## Rowan

dear you..

yes i cant help but be hurt...and yes im upset. I fell for you ..stupid ignorant me. stupid me. i should have know better. for a good guy to genuinely want me...yeah right.


- sincerely---
should never have let the walls down


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear self, 

Next time don't drink so much, even if the drinks are shoved at you.

Love
feeling rough today.


----------



## goofy girl

Dear Person That Drives Me F'ing Crazy,

GROW THE HELL UP. It's YOUR life....YOURS. Nobody can make you happy but you. You can't complain that this person does this to screw you and that person does that to cheat you, and so and so does what they do to disappoint you if you aren't willing to get a grip, grow up, and take care of yourself and take responsibility for your own damn life.

It's nobody's job to swoop down and take care of you. 

"Woe is me" bit has gotten very old and tired, and doesn't help you win anyone over so just stop.

Sincerely,
The Person that Can't Freakin' Stand You


----------



## Ruffie

Dear ms passive/aggressive

I hate that you play games with people I care about and won't own anything. I wish you had the strength to stand up to me and others and say what you meant to my face( and others) rather than behind my back. Instead you have the insipid smiley cheery face and always so fake. Makes me mental!


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Cancer, 
please leave my best friend alone. He didn't do anything to deserve you staying around. Please find someone else to share your nastiness with.
I am so not your pal/friend
snuggletiger


----------



## gypsy

Dear Intarwebz,

While you are an incredible tool that has a vast amount of knowledge easily available even to hordes of knuckle-dragging troglodytes, how is it that people can ask such moronic questions via your shimmering strands? 

Signed,

When I Rule The World Those With No Common Sense Will Be Used As Furniture


----------



## Wagimawr

Dear When I Rule The World Those With No Common Sense Will Be Used As Furniture,

DON'T LOOK AT ME! HAVE YOU *SEEN *THAT FUCKING LOLCATS MEME? FUCK! NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT YOU PEOPLE SUCK ARGH I HATE YOU ALL 

*crashes* 

*404'd*

Signed,

Intarwebz


----------



## Surlysomething

snuggletiger said:


> Dear Cancer,
> please leave my best friend alone. He didn't do anything to deserve you staying around. Please find someone else to share your nastiness with.
> I am so not your pal/friend
> snuggletiger




I can't think of anyone i'd actually give cancer too....oh wait...I could.


I hope your friend has a successful treatment. They're making strides all the time...


----------



## snuggletiger

He's been battling it for 5 years now. And so far the radiation/chemo has kept the mass in the lung from growing, but if it spread to another part in the body who knows. I know they won't do surgery for fear of the air causing the cancer to widely spread.


----------



## Surlysomething

snuggletiger said:


> He's been battling it for 5 years now. And so far the radiation/chemo has kept the mass in the lung from growing, but if it spread to another part in the body who knows. I know they won't do surgery for fear of the air causing the cancer to widely spread.




I'm so sorry. It's very heart-breaking.

My Grandma just had surgery to remove a tumour in her bowel and my 18 yo cousin battled Non-Hodgkin's this past year.

Hang in there.


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

Dear Cancer - 

I think it's about time you gave us just the slightest clue. It's no fun playing against a disease on GodMode. There is too much pain and sorrow in the world already, without you causing at least one person in everyone's life to suffer.

Summing it up, I hope,
Mark


----------



## Gingembre

Dear you,
I am about to send you the most honest straight-from-the-heart email I've ever written in my life. I do not know what the consequences of this will be and that makes me feel like throwing up. I really hope I get the answer I want....then no more drama, I promise. Not even a hint of drama.
Your nervously,
Laura x


----------



## Crystal

Dear you,

Thank you for being so wonderful and loving. You're the first guy who's actually made me feel beautiful, truly beautiful, instead of merely a sexual object. Thank you.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

snuggletiger said:


> Dear Cancer,
> please leave my best friend alone. He didn't do anything to deserve you staying around. Please find someone else to share your nastiness with.
> I am so not your pal/friend
> snuggletiger



So sorry to hear about your friend. Hope he gets back on his feet soon.


----------



## Spanky

Dear 8th Grade Soccer Coach,

33-0? Really? You really let our team do that to the other team? Did you ever think in that arrogant Romanian brain of yours that maybe you could teach something OTHER than soccer by easing up after 10 - 0 or maybe 20 - 0 OR FUCKING 30 - 0? I am so glad my son was sick that day and had no experience with your lack of honor and respect for the other team and the game in general. You will be hearing about it directly from me or via the school sports director. 

After the sports are over and 99.999% of all the players make a life doing something other than sport, it will be the life lessons learned playing the game with honor and NOT the effing score. 

Jackass. 

-Spanky


----------



## Fluffy51888

Dear You,

You're a meaner. And probably didn't deserve him anyways. So there. 


Hehe.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Honey Bunny,

Thank you so much for being there for me...through everything. One and a half years and going strong.


All my love forever,

Your Gorgeous Sweetheart


----------



## SMA413

Dear boyfriend-

when did we start living together?? that was like ninja stealth mode. :huh:

- girlfriend

-----

dear work-

i'm tired of working 4 shifts a week. forget the bonus checks- i'm going back to just 3 shifts a week so i can actually ENJOY my time off.

- me


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear non-Dims friend Colleen: I know it probably sounds cute and fun to you, but some of your platonic guy friends really dislike it when you call your boyfriend, "The Boy." For one, it implies you're dating someone much younger, and second it assumes a childish behavior or outlook that makes you the alpha leader in the relationship. Maybe he wants it that way, and maybe he's fine wearing the binky around his neck, but you can come clean with us. It's usually framed in a sentence like "Last weekend I decided to take The Boy to the zoo" or "I need to check with The Boy to see if we've got an opening in our shedule." He's not your kid, he's not riding in the fucking stroller. Call him The Guy or The SO or whatever, whichever moniker you wish to bestow until you feel comfortable enough mentioning him to us by his first name. We're all geeks, we're all going to find out his name anyway, and we don't really want to call him "The Boy" when we finally meet this testament to virility. A few of us could use the hint for the background checks, too. We love you, we care about you and want you to be happy but please, you're 30. Grow up already.

Dear troll: Please return to your hovel under the bridge. I have four billy goats with scorching cases of rabies that I would love to have go trip trapping all over you with extreme prejudice. Kthxbye fuck.


----------



## Gingembre

Dear self,

It's ok, you're ok. Keep on trucking and all that. 

Oh, but stop the comfort smoking...not cool.

Your lungs x


----------



## mimosa

* Punk Bitch who reports my photos on MySpace...

If you don't like my photos, then why the hell are you on my page? Yes, I know you are a "friend" on my page. My photo settings are on 'friends only' mode. So get the F--K off my page already. :finger: You SUCK! 

Love Always, :kiss2:

Confident Fat Chick*


----------



## ladle

Dear Extremely HOT Gorgeous Funny Married Woman,
Why oh why would you marry another guy before you had even met me?
Confused.
That is all.


----------



## Sugar

Dear People Who Cannot Do Basic Math,

LEARN!

Cordially,
The "Girl" Who Is Tired Of Explaining Why I Will Not Reverse Late Fees


----------



## Famouslastwords

mimosa said:


> * Punk Bitch who reports my photos on MySpace...
> 
> If you don't like my photos, then why the hell are you on my page? Yes, I know you are a "friend" on my page. My photo settings are on 'friends only' mode. So get the F--K off my page already. :finger: You SUCK!
> 
> Love Always, :kiss2:
> 
> Confident Fat Chick*



What the hell?


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear Self,

STOP eating EVERYTHING in sight. I'm serious. This is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. You know? Like Gwen Stefani? Anywho. I know you're on your period and you're really hungry and damn just about everything sounds heavenly and boy Snookie sure does make some really awesome cookies, but if you don't stop this shit you will be very unhappy and immobile. Just drink some splenda koolaid and go exercise or something, you're trying to be healthy. I think sometimes you don't realize that just because you're overweight doesn't mean you can eat whatever you want, not if you want to be healthy. Go buy some more vegetables now that the freezer has more room and be a good girl tomorrow. No dessert because of how much you've eaten all week.

Sincerely,

The cookie monsta (That's right, "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me yum yum yum yum yum")


----------



## thejuicyone

Dear Jack Daniels,

I'm sorry I cheated on you with Evan Williams, he's just so inexpensive. He can help me support my habit. You'll always be my soulmate though. I promise that someday, somehow I will come back to you. 

xoxo, 

Me :kiss2:


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear sister,

Stop being such a drama queen. All you succeeded in doing was pissing me off and ensure that I won't be taking your calls for awhile.

signed,

your pissed of twin.


----------



## Rowan

dear heart,

you took a step and used ignore here...could you now please hurry the hell up and rebuild those walls so that you can once and for all get rid of those pangs of pain that make me nearly break down into tears yet again at the weirdest times? You really never should have let anyone in anyhow, you know how it always ends. You should have known better.

- tired of dealing with you


----------



## Rowan

Lucky said:


> Dear People Who Cannot Do Basic Math,
> 
> LEARN!
> 
> Cordially,
> The "Girl" Who Is Tired Of Explaining Why I Will Not Reverse Late Fees



are you sure you dont work at my company too? I have to teach my customers how to read calendars to avoid late fees lol


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

mimosa said:


> * Punk Bitch who reports my photos on MySpace...
> 
> If you don't like my photos, then why the hell are you on my page? Yes, I know you are a "friend" on my page. My photo settings are on 'friends only' mode. So get the F--K off my page already. :finger: You SUCK!
> 
> Love Always, :kiss2:
> 
> Confident Fat Chick*



Sounds like a jealous "friend" indeed.......:blink:
What a shitty thing to do. 

I had a CL ad up a few weeks ago.....they sent me an email saying that it had been selected for deletion and I have no idea why. I thought about it and remembered e-arguing with some guy on there that called me "Miss Spam" and got real nasty with me for refusing to make a log in ID and randomly search some site for his picture. I told him attaching a picture of himself to all the emails he sent was much easier than what he was asking me to do. 
Needless to say, I told him I wished no further communication with him after his nastiness but I think he reported my ad as spam as payback


----------



## Fluffy51888

Dear Self,

Stop being so DAMN nice to everybody. It's so not good for you. Really. Stop it. Seriously.


Love, 
Me


----------



## Sugar

Rowan said:


> are you sure you dont work at my company too? I have to teach my customers how to read calendars to avoid late fees lol



You'd think we are sending out statements in Gaelic or something lol.


----------



## Gingembre

Dear friend,

I know things suck for you right now, but they WILL get better. I know you know that I am here for you, but i am just re-iterating that point. I always have time for you, and am sending you hugs and support now that your world has been flipped on its head. I am very proud of how you are handling everything and I feel priviledged to have you as a friend.

Love you SO much,
Ginge x


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear closet,

Please purge yourself. Next, measure what you've purged so we can sell it and let it go to someone who can actually wear it 

Signed,

Fat girl who needs to clean out her closet, but doesn't want to do so today.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear stepdad,

It is BEYOND shameful that you are sixty years old and unable to support yourself, much less your wife. Your wife is on social security and you are still working, yet not a penny of your income goes to household expenses. Rather, it goes to things you want. Exercise machines you never use, old-time radio shows on DVD, just total crap. You both decided to move into a house because "the mortgage is cheaper than renting an apartment," but you failed to have the foresight to take into account the cost of maintaining your home, which you cannot afford. 

Now your tub floods every time someone showers, flooding the entire bathroom. It MUST be damaging your floors, and pretty soon you'll have to replace those as a result. But no, you can't afford to call the plumber out to snake the drain. So how are you going to afford to replace the floor? Are you kidding me? Money doesn't fall out of the sky. 

At least, it shouldn't. But no, relatives always bail you out, every time you screw up, so you never learn. I refuse to lend you money because you'll never learn that way, but the rest just keep on enabling you. So when you could have borrowed a couple of hundred dollars from your wife's ninety year old mother (sigh) to get the tub fixed, instead you had to borrow $700 from her thanks to $300 in overdraft fees and $400 for something else my mom won't tell me (I can't even IMAGINE what that would be). Oh wait, no, you didn't borrow it, you let your wife do it for you, because you never have to face the consequences of your actions.

If you can't afford your day-to-day expenses, you have to either reduce your expenses or increase your income. Common logic. But no, you wont' do either. You just continue living in denial, beyond your means. Just wait one more year until your wife's retirement fund ($400/month) is entirely gone (because you spent it in a short three years). Then what the hell are you both going to do? Oh, let's not worry about that now. 

You disgust me.

You wonder why I despise you so much - it's because you are not a man, you're a child, letting other people take care of you. It's absolutely nauseating. And it infuriates me that my mother puts up with it. It's because she doesn't think she deserves any better.  But she deserves WAY better than YOU.


----------



## SparkGirl

*Dear Wanker,*
*Get therapy, LOTS! Other fish and stuff (plus her husband is going to find out and kick your wanker butt).*



ladle said:


> Dear Extremely HOT Gorgeous Funny Married Woman,
> Why oh why would you marry another guy before you had even met me?
> Confused.
> That is all.


----------



## SparkGirl

*Dear Allergies:*

*Please go away, far far away, forever! You are wreaking havoc on my life in many ways, and I can't stand it anymore. Oh, and stop finding ways to become immune to Claritin. It's just not fair!!!*
*Signed, Spark's Nose and Eyes and Lungs.*


----------



## thatgirl08

Dear Cold,

Go awayyyy. I'm sick of being sick!

Rachel


----------



## ladle

SparkGirl said:


> *Dear Allergies:*
> 
> *Please go away, far far away, forever! You are wreaking havoc on my life in many ways, and I can't stand it anymore. Oh, and stop finding ways to become immune to Claritin. It's just not fair!!!*
> *Signed, Spark's Nose and Eyes and Lungs.*



Soon you'll be immune to Kryptonite as well and there'll be NO STOPPING YOU!


----------



## Red

Dear Sea,

I have always respected you but now I fear you. I naively thought you were harmless, I realise now just how deadly you are 


- Scared/shocked


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Self,

For bloody hell's sake, CHEER THE FUCK UP! This misery is making me miserable. You have a lot of reasons not to feel down, get rid of this constant sinking feeling. PLEASE!

<3 Your Logical Brain x


----------



## Leesa

Dear WHINEBAG,
Please stop, it's hard to feel sorry for you.
Quit!
Leesa (seeking a whine free zone.)


----------



## Rowan

Gingembre said:


> Dear Self,
> 
> For bloody hell's sake, CHEER THE FUCK UP! This misery is making me miserable. You have a lot of reasons not to feel down, get rid of this constant sinking feeling. PLEASE!
> 
> <3 Your Logical Brain x



OMG you have NO idea how much i identify with you on this!!!

-another with a logical brain but has too tender a heart


----------



## Famouslastwords

thatgirl08 said:


> Dear Cold,
> 
> Go awayyyy. I'm sick of being sick!
> 
> Rachel



Your name is Rachel too? Whee go us!


----------



## LoveBHMS

thatgirl08 said:


> Dear Cold,
> 
> Go awayyyy. I'm sick of being sick!
> 
> Rachel



Dear Rach-

Feel better soon please! You have too many important things to do like going to school, cavorting with your sweet looking bf, and having amazing hair.

<3 L.


----------



## Paquito

Dear Yourself,

Here we are again.
You waited until the day before it was due to write an important paper. Again.
I warned you last time to not do this, and yet you did it anyway.
Don't you dare get pissed if you get a bad grade.

Angrily, 
Yourself


----------



## thejuicyone

Dear Friend,

Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
No one wants to hear your constant whining about him moving on
anymore. Shut the fuck up about it already. You're a grown ass 
woman, realize that there are other fish in the sea please and, that
we're not in highschool anymore.

xo, 
Brandi


----------



## Rowan

Dear Hiring Supervisor,

I know that you are a very logical and intelligent man, and I know you separate yourself from that which is the playground called customer service. PLEASEEEEE grant me an interview for the new position opening up so I can get the hell off the call floor and into a new position. Not only does it pay well, but it will get me away from the people who dont appreciate me and those who just like to start trouble. 

-desperate for the new job


----------



## mergirl

Dear spain

You are beautiful but too many of your people are shitty to animals. Too many homeless doggers and cats running around with people not giving a shit. Also, if i ever hear of a bullfighter's balls being gored beyond repair by an angry set of horns i shall laugh hard!!!

Mer


----------



## supersizebbw

Dear closeted FA at the gym,

Do you think i haven't caught you staring at my juicy a$$ when on the treadmill? yes i'm talking to you who on a number of occassions has strategically hopped on the treadmill that's behind the one i was walking on to catch a better view...i know you were looking...because i can see your reflection in the mirror. why oh why will you not just man up and ask me out?  

=======

Dear jerk who i wrote about last time,
I'm so over you...and have so moved on. i deserve so much better than you. i'd rather be alone and happy rather than be with you and miserable.


----------



## Webmaster

Dear Arnold,

Why is it that in California gas costs almost a full dollar more per gallon than in places like Missouri, Kansas or South Carolina? Our gas cannot be that exotically different from gas sold elsewhere, and the refineries cannot _always_ be down for maintenance. I mean, a year ago our gas here was just as cheap as elsewhere in the US, so it cannot be really high taxes either.

I like California very much and I don't mind paying a bit more to live here, but please don't make it so that our gas costs a full dollar more per gallon than elsewhere. That can't be good for anyone. It just makes people mad at you, and that's the last thing you need.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Four Free Chick-Fil-A Brownies I Have Acquired This Evening:

I'm going to win. Stay in your bag....I kind of like you sitting there....going to waste.
Now that I think about it though, those crazy women at work that are delusional about being ultra skinny and fat hating....I think they deserve you  

Your days are numbered,
Moi


----------



## Paquito

Dear English Professor,

I love Little Miss Sunshine. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. However, writing this 6 page indepth analysis of the movie is not particularly enjoyable. I can only discuss the objectification of women and society's expectations for so long here!

Damned, 

Little Mr. Sunshine


Dear Mr. Sunshine,

GET OFF OF DIMS AND GET BACK TO YOUR PAPER

Sincerely,

Tired as hell


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Universe,

I put it out there. Can I get it back now, please?

Thank you very much, Terri


----------



## quackman

Dear my heart,

It's over. Let it go. We loved her too and thought we'd be married by now and would be spending the rest of our lives together. But she's moved out. She doesn't want to talk to us anymore. She's dating two or three guys, and none of them are us. Our life will never be the same but it's time to start living it again. 

Sincerely,
My brain and stomach.


----------



## disaster117

Dear ,

Are you intimidated by me? Good. 

It will not last, trust me. I can tell it's coming apart, and I will be there, ripping at the seams. I feel like even when I think about it all, I get sick to my stomach. You think you're so great don't you? You think _it's_ all so great...I'm kindly suggesting you reconsider these thoughts.

Sincerely, 
:finger:


----------



## LisaInNC

Dear people who dont know how to use I and me properly in a sentence,

I have held it in long enough. I am very sick of you trying to seem more intelligent by using the word I in place of me. The truth it, it makes you seem less. An english teacher taught me in like 3rd grade, if you take out the pronoun of the other person in the sentence and it doesnt make sense, then its wrong. Example: "Here is one of he and I" Now this is WRONG and if you take out the "he" in that sentence it would read, "Here is one of I" Does this make any sense? No, of course it doesnt. 
Ok end rant. 
Have a lovely day!

Love, 
Lisa


----------



## Carrie

LisaInNC said:


> Dear people who dont know how to use I and me properly in a sentence,
> 
> I have held it in long enough. I am very sick of you trying to seem more intelligent by using the word I in place of me. The truth it, it makes you seem less. An english teacher taught me in like 3rd grade, if you take out the pronoun of the other person in the sentence and it doesnt make sense, then its wrong. Example: "Here is one of he and I" Now this is WRONG and if you take out the "he" in that sentence it would read, "Here is one of I" Does this make any sense? No, of course it doesnt.
> Ok end rant.
> Have a lovely day!
> 
> Love,
> Lisa


Dear Lisa, 

The other Dims board members and me thank you for this useful grammatical tip. 

Thank you,
Carrie


----------



## LisaInNC

Carrie said:


> Dear Lisa,
> 
> The other Dims board members and me thank you for this useful grammatical tip.
> 
> Thank you,
> Carrie



Dear Carrie, 

It was my pleasure.

Love, 
Lisa


----------



## SuperMishe

"Dear" Cancer...
How many effing times are you gonna mess with my family? Enough already. You've been beaten several times now but this latest one seems like an unfair fight. I'm SO sick of you.


Dear Wordgigs...
Why don't you separate the assignments better? If I accept more than one project at a time, I can sometimes end up having to write 20 blurbs on one subject. How can I do that without repeating myself? Someone needs to make sure writers aren't assigned topics more than once in a month or something... sigh.. off to write about "NY Group Health Insurance" another SEVEN times....


----------



## SparklingBBW

Carrie said:


> Dear Lisa,
> 
> The other Dims board members and me thank you for this useful grammatical tip.
> 
> Thank you,
> Carrie



Dear Carrie, 

Me saw what you did there. 

:wubu:

Gee


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

LisaInNC said:


> Dear Carrie,
> 
> It was my pleasure.
> 
> Love,
> Lisa


I think you missed the joke.


----------



## SparkGirl

_*I doubt it, Lisa misses nothing.....*_



BigBeautifulMe said:


> I think you missed the joke.


----------



## LisaInNC

SparkGirl said:


> _*I doubt it, Lisa misses nothing.....*_



Rest assured, I did not miss the joke. The sentence was grammatically incorrect. I laughed, trust me.


----------



## Jon Blaze

Dear person that will not be named,

I hate myself for ever supporting what you did with my words, but I thank god I never gave you any of my hard earned money. You're an incredible hypocrite (Don't try to lie and hide... We all know what you did, but it isn't even about that), and you'll never get my support. Whether it's monetary or with words.

Good day to you Ma'am.


----------



## BBW4Chattery

Dear Lady who sounded nice on the phone and with whom I'll interview beside tomorrow:

I know that I don't have any post-graduation experience but I bought a bunch of really cute tote bags and supplies to go in them so be sure, I'm 100% prepared for this position.

Thank you,
Me

PS, I'm secretly hoping you are also very overweight so I don't feel as self-conscious during the interview.

=====================================================

Dear Ebay,

Please don't allow me back on your site until I'm away from my parents for at least 3 months. Apparently, I'm a reactionary buyer and as you can imagine, I didn't need any of the 20 items I bought from you over the last week.

Hugs and kisses,
Me


----------



## Tooz

Dear Dims,
When people post pictures of their mates in "HOT BOY THREAD" or whatever, it is annoying, in a supremely corny way.


----------



## Paquito

Dear Columbus Day,

You sucked. Had to go to class today in the freezing rain, got splashed on by cars going through puddles, and had an English pop quiz. 

I expect Veteran's Day and President's Day to go much more smoothly.


----------



## swamptoad

View attachment realfrown.gif
&#729;p&#592;&#477;&#613; &#654;&#623; o&#647; &#387;u&#305;&#613;sn&#633; s&#305; poo&#1503;q &#477;&#613;&#647; &#670;u&#305;&#613;&#647; &#305; 



&#729;s&#729;d





&#729;s&#305;&#613;&#647; p&#305;p &#305; &#653;o&#613; &#477;&#633;ns &#647;ou &#623;,&#305; &#729;&#654;zz&#305;p &#654;&#633;&#477;&#652; &#1503;&#477;&#477;&#607; &#305;


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

swamptoad said:


> View attachment 71458
> &#729;p&#592;&#477;&#613; &#654;&#623; o&#647; &#387;u&#305;&#613;sn&#633; s&#305; poo&#1503;q &#477;&#613;&#647; &#670;u&#305;&#613;&#647; &#305;
> 
> 
> 
> &#729;s&#729;d
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> &#729;s&#305;&#613;&#647; p&#305;p &#305; &#653;o&#613; &#477;&#633;ns &#647;ou &#623;,&#305; &#729;&#654;zz&#305;p &#654;&#633;&#477;&#652; &#1503;&#477;&#477;&#607; &#305;



OH MY GAAWDDDD!!!! Will somebody PLEASE rep him for me???????


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Tooz said:


> Dear Dims,
> When people post pictures of their mates in "HOT BOY THREAD" or whatever, it is annoying, in a supremely corny way.



Yes, and it really pisses me off because *I* have no hot boy mate, GDI


----------



## swamptoad

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> OH MY GAAWDDDD!!!! Will somebody PLEASE rep him for me???????






¡&#613;&#596;n&#623; &#654;&#633;&#477;&#652; no&#654; &#670;u&#592;&#613;&#647;


----------



## OIFMountaineer

Dear you,

I tried, and you may have had a chance. I was willing to overlook the bits of your personality that annoyed me to no end, because I "knew" that you cared. But, when you violated my privacy, the ONE dealbreaker I really had, you died to me. It has been a pleasure to ignore you for these past few months, you spoiled, attention whore.

I regret buying you those shoes.


----------



## swamptoad

OIFMountaineer said:


> Dear you,
> 
> I tried, and you may have had a chance. I was willing to overlook the bits of your personality that annoyed me to no end, because I "knew" that you cared. But, when you violated my privacy, the ONE dealbreaker I really had, you died to me. It has been a pleasure to ignore you for these past few months, you spoiled, attention whore.
> 
> I regret buying you those shoes.




:blink:


dang!


----------



## OIFMountaineer

swamptoad said:


> :blink:
> 
> 
> dang!



Good point, that one was a little dark. Here's one to balance it out a bit.

Dear You (no, not you, another you)

Flirting with you is the highlight of my day. Let's make this a habit, shall we?



Dear Mrs. H (Gotta use some other title  )

You may think that it so nice of me walk around with you and a bunch of "old people" around Niagra Falls, but really, you all were more fun, funny, and impetuous than 75% of the "young people" I know. The pleasure was all mine.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear delicious cookies,

I made 4 dozen of you and now you're all gone. This makes me sad. Your deliciousness was awesome. I look forward to making more of you!


Yours in cookie slavery,
Melanie


----------



## Carrie

OIFMountaineer said:


> Dear you,
> 
> I tried, and you may have had a chance. I was willing to overlook the bits of your personality that annoyed me to no end, because I "knew" that you cared. But, when you violated my privacy, the ONE dealbreaker I really had, you died to me. It has been a pleasure to ignore you for these past few months, you spoiled, attention whore.
> 
> I regret buying you those shoes.


Maybe you lucked out and they pinch her toes?


----------



## Famouslastwords

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> OH MY GAAWDDDD!!!! Will somebody PLEASE rep him for me???????



I got 'im for ya


----------



## swamptoad

Famouslastwords said:


> I got 'im for ya




Thank you!



Appreciate the rep and wonderful comments. I'm happy if I cheered up anyones day with that earlier post. That's what I meant by it anyhow. Just being silly.



And I don't generally seek out rep .. but dang!!! :blink: much was received. 
:happy:

Quite a surprise. Must give back in return. :bow:


----------



## BBW4Chattery

^I would rep you if I could, apparently, I can't... upside down is a special gift. Good job.


----------



## mimosa

*Dearest Bart, 

I am looking forward to our future together. I love you very much. :wubu:


Love always, 

Nohemi*


----------



## rainyday

What a pretty name, Mimosa. I've never seen that one. Hope you are holding up okay today.


----------



## Crystal

Dear you,

I am SO ready to see you tomorrow. I can't wait for our fun (take that as you will) weekend. 

Love,
Me. <3


----------



## Gingembre

Dear you,

The days you're in the office are the highlight of my week. I can tell there's something between us and it's very exciting...i love the hugs and illict meetings in the kitchen too (LOL!). You are tooooo shy though - I am not used to doing all the work, haha! Go on, make the next move - i DARE you!

L x


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear Economy In Michigan:

Okay, I get it. You suck. You're a mess. You've fucked with enough of my friends, and with me, for entirely too long. But now we are ALL sick of you, and I am now at a point where I'm tired of trying to choose between necessities because my meager unemployment check isn't enough to live on. SO, please improve dramatically and allow me to find a job. Kthanxbye.

Sincerely,
Pissed Off Broke Chick

____

Dear Husband:

I love you. I really do. But trying to fall asleep while you watch crazy shit on television makes for ME having crazy-shit induced dreams. Dreams combining Robot Chicken, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and James Bond movies can cause me 3:00 a.m. anxiety and an inexplicable craving for a happy meal with extra cheese.

Love,
Your Wife

_____

Dear Crazy Little Black Cat:

You are insane. Batting tampons you stole from the bathroom ALL around the living room wasn't bad enough. You had to decide to play fetch with diet coke bottle caps. THEN you decided to play hockey with those bottle caps in the bathtub. Granted, this is all very entertaining and cute. But really... finding bottle caps under my pillow is funny. But STEPPING on them at 4:00 a.m. on my way to the bathroom is no longer entertaining. Pick ONE bottle cap and keep track of it please LOL.

Signed,
Ouch my foot!


----------



## OIFMountaineer

Carrie said:


> Maybe you lucked out and they pinch her toes?



I wish, they were a cinderella fit, and looked "fabulous".


----------



## luscious_lulu

OIFMountaineer said:


> I wish, they were a cinderella fit, and looked "fabulous".



If you have the urge to buy shoes for someone, call me. I'm available! :smitten:


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear New Neighbors:

Please stop allowing your demon spawn to play in the hallway and stairwell. It not only violates the lease, but it SERIOUSLY pisses off your neighbors. Control your brats before WE do.

Signed,
Large Group of Annoyed Neighbors


----------



## mergirl

Dear large group of annoyed neighbours..

aww..och but they grow up so fast.. make the most of it. It could be worse and you could have junkies and winos hanging out on your stairwell and not playing children.

from someone who doesnt have a stairwell muwahahahaha.


----------



## thejuicyone

OIFMountaineer said:


> Good point, that one was a little dark. Here's one to balance it out a bit.
> 
> Dear You (no, not you, another you)
> 
> Flirting with you is the highlight of my day. Let's make this a habit, shall we?



Be about me. Be about me. Be about me. 
Oh, I mean aw, that's cute.


----------



## Flutterby68

mergirl said:


> Dear large group of annoyed neighbours..
> 
> aww..och but they grow up so fast.. make the most of it. It could be worse and you could have junkies and winos hanging out on your stairwell and not playing children.
> 
> from someone who doesnt have a stairwell muwahahahaha.



MY version of making the most of it would be going out and yelling at the kids to STFU because I can't hear my TV, they are so loud. They aren't supposed to be out there and it's RIGHT outside my door. I don't like children, and I especially don't like loud undisciplined children. I no longer have young children, and I have no patience for parents who don't discipline their own.


----------



## swamptoad

Dear tummy and acid reflux,


Thank you for healing. I know that you are still healing. 
Sorry for feeding you the wrong stuff for so long. Bah! I suck!


Sincerely, the rest of me.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Cancer,
Still hate ya for killing my best friend yesterday morning. Hope someone hands ya a similar amount of pain in your future. Actually Cancer I wish you got Cancer so you could be on the receiving end.

Dear Heaven/God/Goddess/Deity

Hope you are all that my friend believes you to be. I.e. don't scrimp on the good stuff because he had faith that you were a wonderful place. I hope for his sake and for all the good he did on this earth that its not a sham.

Sad, grieving pal
Snuggletiger.


----------



## mergirl

Flutterby68 said:


> MY version of making the most of it would be going out and yelling at the kids to STFU because I can't hear my TV, they are so loud. They aren't supposed to be out there and it's RIGHT outside my door. I don't like children, and I especially don't like loud undisciplined children. I no longer have young children, and I have no patience for parents who don't discipline their own.


You should invite them in to watch sesame street!


----------



## swamptoad

snuggletiger said:


> Dear Cancer,
> Still hate ya for killing my best friend yesterday morning. Hope someone hands ya a similar amount of pain in your future. Actually Cancer I wish you got Cancer so you could be on the receiving end.
> 
> Dear Heaven/God/Goddess/Deity
> 
> Hope you are all that my friend believes you to be. I.e. don't scrimp on the good stuff because he had faith that you were a wonderful place. I hope for his sake and for all the good he did on this earth that its not a sham.
> 
> Sad, grieving pal
> Snuggletiger.







Sorry for your loss.


----------



## OIFMountaineer

Dear Me,

You were so distracted by that beguiling brunette, that you left the house and forgot to put on your tie. Get your shit together.


----------



## snuggletiger

mergirl said:


> You should invite them in to watch sesame street!



Waitttttttttttttttttttt. I wanna watch Sesame Street


----------



## Surlysomething

snuggletiger said:


> Dear Cancer,
> Still hate ya for killing my best friend yesterday morning. Hope someone hands ya a similar amount of pain in your future. Actually Cancer I wish you got Cancer so you could be on the receiving end.
> 
> Dear Heaven/God/Goddess/Deity
> 
> Hope you are all that my friend believes you to be. I.e. don't scrimp on the good stuff because he had faith that you were a wonderful place. I hope for his sake and for all the good he did on this earth that its not a sham.
> 
> Sad, grieving pal
> Snuggletiger.



I'm sorry for your loss. I know it's been a long journey for your friend and yourself. He's not suffering anymore...that's the best thing.

Take care


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear Idiot Black Cat:

Okay.... this is ridiculous. Between the dresser, the bed, and the bedside table, we have four 14 diet coke caps. What are you doing, prepping a mine field??

From,
Your tenderfooted owner


----------



## Victim

This is a letter I actually had to post somewhere else. Some names/events have been abbreviated/omitted.

_Recently there has been a lot of heated discussion (most of it negative) about what certain people weigh. Body weight is a complicated result of your activity level, metabolism, genetics, and diet. You're not in control of all of these. 

Yes, you can lose the weight, but this is a long process and believe it or not, it isn't always even possible. Meanwhile, opportunities to do what you ARE able to do are going to pass you by because you believe you have to be physically perfect. Remember what Z..... said on the radio show. There are no ideal situations.

You need to make what you can of yourself, and you need to start NOW, whether you plan on losing the weight or not. This is my real picture, and as you can see, I'm not exactly small myself. I hover around the 250 mark. I'm 241 right now, and have been up to 265 recently. I get tons of isometric but not as much cardio as I should, but even when I do I can't get below 240ish and I'm not even going to try. 

http://chat.dimensionsmagazine.com/upload/104281495513579145201119949d6d74a.jpg

That pic is the larger form of my chat avatar on www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums which is primarily a web site for support for fat women, fat men, fat admirers/fetishists, etc. I've been a member for a couple years now. YES, there is a lot of fat fetishism going on there, but you can get REAL SUPPORT as well. If you are too ashamed with your body image and have struggled in vain with it, you might just have to come to terms with it and that could help.

If you don't think you can find a girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever because of this, then you are wrong. There is another site www.bhmffaconnection.com that is focused on women and the fat guys they admire! These people actually exist! We even put out a book! http://www.lulu.com/content/5287986 which I actually wrote one of the stories in. 

I'm trying to say a couple things here.

1 - If you are digging into people about their weight, LAY OFF. We are just as capable of contributing to ..... as anyone else.

2 - If you are fat yourself, you really need to get some self confidence. Even if you plan on losing the weight, this will help, and you can make something of yourself without waiting for what might never happen. You don't need to make up stories to look good. Just have confidence in what you CAN do and then go do it. YES, the world is going to have a shitty attitude towards you, but you are a .... and size discrimination is just one more form of HATE you're going to have to fight against._


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Idiot Mailman,

How hard is it to see the little red flag and pick up the envelope inside? I know you drove by and I didn't miss the time, because my neighbor told me you stopped to chat 3 hours after I put my mail in the box! I also know you were the one who ran over my garbage can lid and used your stupid mail vehicle to push my garbage can out of the way. If you had nicely left a note stating it was in the way on trash day, I would have asked my neighbors if I could put mine with theirs, so when the garbage men just throw it down anywhere they want, it would not be in your precious lazy way!! Are you a native Floridian? Because you sure act like it! What is it with you people??!!

Sincerely,

Ms. Kiss My Stamps!


----------



## CAMellie

My darling mergirl,

Send me that whiskey and I shall be your love slave for life...or until someone else with whiskey comes along.


Yours for now,
Mellie :wubu:


----------



## mergirl

Dear Mellie

I fear that my proud scottish soul could just not take the chance that other whiskey barers would come along and i would lose yet ANOTHER love slave... Why cant i hold on to love slaves?? I Blame the wandering whiskey barers!!... Grrrrrr *Shakes fist*
(tearing at the eye)- You may take my love slaves..... but you will never take my Freedom...or melt in the middle chocolate puddings. 

xxmergirl

ps. hows that tooth of yours? .. If you cant get scottish whiskey then a wee squoosh of JD i'm sure would do the same job!


----------



## archivaltype

Dear you,

You probably know that I'm done with you. But...I wish you the best. I learned a lot from our ordeal, or whatever it was we had. 
Just...don't do to her what you did to me. Appreciate her. Don't take her for granted. She's a really great person and she deserves your best. Give it to her. 

Sincerely, 

Turkey girl.


----------



## disaster117

Dear brain,

Why do you have to ruin every good thing that happens to you?

Hate,
heart.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Eulogy Writing
Must you be so difficult  only got till 11:30am tomorrow to come up with something.
Thanks
Mopey pal 
Snuggletiger


----------



## Aust99

Dear Boy...

Why do you have to be so confusing. I don't know if I'm up for the games. Be straight with me or watch me walk away. 

From Girl


----------



## archivaltype

Dear motivation,

Please please please start working again. Please? 

Sincerely, 
Me.


----------



## luscious_lulu

snuggletiger said:


> Dear Cancer,
> Still hate ya for killing my best friend yesterday morning. Hope someone hands ya a similar amount of pain in your future. Actually Cancer I wish you got Cancer so you could be on the receiving end.
> 
> Dear Heaven/God/Goddess/Deity
> 
> Hope you are all that my friend believes you to be. I.e. don't scrimp on the good stuff because he had faith that you were a wonderful place. I hope for his sake and for all the good he did on this earth that its not a sham.
> 
> Sad, grieving pal
> Snuggletiger.



*hugs* I'm sorry to hear he passed.


----------



## OIFMountaineer

Dear ESPN,

Please stop talking about the Phillies Yankees World Series as if it is a done deal. That's what I want to happen, but my sports superstitions are crying out in agony over your blatant jinxeration. I know this may be your plan, given your relentless gargle-sessions over all things Red Sock, but, you know, chill for a bit. Thanks.


Love and Kisses,
OIFMountaineer

PS, To Steve Phillips: Buzz, your girlfriend...Woof!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Mother Nature
Thank you for the color explosion on the trees in the wood behind our home. Its spectacular.


----------



## OIFMountaineer

OIFMountaineer said:


> Dear ESPN,
> 
> Please stop talking about the Phillies Yankees World Series as if it is a done deal. That's what I want to happen, but my sports superstitions are crying out in agony over your blatant jinxeration. I know this may be your plan, given your relentless gargle-sessions over all things Red Sock, but, you know, chill for a bit. Thanks.
> 
> 
> Love and Kisses,
> OIFMountaineer
> 
> PS, To Steve Phillips: Buzz, your girlfriend...Woof!




AGH! SEE!!!


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear scalp:

Make up your mind already: Peninsula or archipelago. There are only so many creative ways I can style my hair to cover up the gaps without it screaming NICE TRY, ASSHOLE, so can we just make up our minds and move along, please?

Dear everyone I know:

I really do look better bald, especially with less hair in the way. Some of you will just have to get used to it, because I'm tired of it. I've seen guys with comb-overs and it's just sad, sad. I promise to keep the hair snot out of the sink, really.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Mother Nature:

Cut the shit with the rain all the time, you stupid bitch.

Tired of your dreary days all the time,
Moi


----------



## Archangel

Dear Elephantuses that live upstairs,

My mood has improved since I decided that you were not just insensitive pricks that stomp around the upstairs apartment but are in fact elephantuses living out your normal lives.

But seriously elephantuses, please stop playing tag. I don't mind hide and seek, but when you play tag I fear the sky will fall.

Thanks,
Your neighbor.


----------



## Sugar

Dear Friends,

Thank you so much for checking up on me. I miss you guys so much, especially you ScoTil. I can always count on you to take my mind off of stuff with a dumb story from Fox News or more truck talk. 

It means so much to me that you guys took the time to make sure I'm OK. I know I can be light on info, I will do better. 

When I'm better we're all going to Chuck E Cheese! :wubu: Until then, keep the updates on Karla flipping out...it really does make me giggle. 

Love,
SarSan


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe

I am enjoying the weather and all, but I would like to be sharing it with someone special. 

So, please stop sending me weirdo's, stalkers, men with bags of goodies, men shorter than 5ft, metro-sexuals, men who are girlier than I am, spitters and mirror freaks!

If you could get him here by Christmas I will be good

Love Kimberly


----------



## littlefairywren

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe
> 
> I am enjoying the weather and all, but I would like to be sharing it with someone special.
> 
> So, please stop sending me weirdo's, stalkers, men with bags of goodies, men shorter than 5ft, metro-sexuals, men who are girlier than I am, spitters and mirror freaks!
> 
> If you could get him here by Christmas I will be good
> 
> Love Kimberly



Addendum -

The last two you sent me were convinced I was a walking ATM machine. "Oh baby, baby......give me $20" is not my idea of foreplay!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Kimberly
You forgot to mention users, liars, time wasters, manipulators, game players, insincere men, those guys who message EVERY single fat woman hoping that ONE of them will answer, men who talk the talk but dont walk the walk, immature men who need a mommy, internet losers who attempt to play women online so they can have a place to live (and a sugar momma), men who keep several women (who dont know about one another) dangling with promises, and my particular favorite...the men who straddle the line between friendship and more--because they are too afraid that they will lose one for the other. *sigh

Just thought I would mention that.  

Signed, 
Been there done that Terri 





littlefairywren said:


> Addendum -
> 
> The last two you sent me were convinced I was a walking ATM machine. "Oh baby, baby......give me $20" is not my idea of foreplay!


----------



## saucywench

I cannot _believe _you had the audacity to say what you did yesterday.

What a fucking fraud of a human being.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Hollywood:

If you ever get the singularly excellent thought in your head to make Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's book, Good Omens into a feature film, may I suggest the following guidelines:

1) If you have to make it a multiparter or a mini-series for the BBC, for heaven's sake do so. There are aspects to the book that are only a page-long or so but set the mood so perfectly that to remove it makes the entire work weaker. Then again, we all know what a fuck-up you made of Stephen King's The Stand, and I'm not just talking the casting of Parker Lewis as the fat antagonist, Harold Lauder.

2) There are two casting decisions that cannot, shall not be altered under any circumstances. If they have a scheduling conflict: Work around it. If they want more money: Pay it. It's very simple:

*Crowley *= Hugh Laurie
*Aziraphale *= Stephen Fry

Even the thought of hiring Ben Affleck or Megan Fox should not even enter the transom of your minds. I would happily inflict the haunting of the late Agnes Nutter upon all of you for such an affront.

3) Do not let Tim Burton direct it.

4) Do not let Jon Peters produce it.

5) Do not let Uwe Boll within 200 km of the shooting stage.

Thank you, that is all. 

Sincerely, but with a strict-natured, "watch your ass" finger waggling,

Admiral Snackbar


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear "Friends" from parenting message boards:

You KNOW that I will not give you sympathy for having children who are unruly brats. They are unruly brats because you LET them be unruly brats. Actually DO something about it, and I bet that will change.

Signed,
Unsympathetic Bitch (to you, anyway)

________

Dear Television Folks:

I realize that you try to put on shows that will be watched by a ton of people. And that makes sense. But you aren't keeping in mind that there are certain realities that do NOT make sense. Case and point - CSI: Miami has all these skinny hardbodied young women in tiny little clothes and mile-high heels mincing around crime scenes. NO self respecting crime scene investigator would dress like that, and contrary to popular belief, not EVERY female in the greater Miami area looks like an animatronic barbie doll.

Signed,
Wishing for REAL people on TV

______

Dear Mother Nature/Gaia:

Okay, I know you're doing what you do every year at this time. But please, make up your mind with the weather. It's the end of October, and today is 64 and gorgeous... yet in July/August we only got about a total of 8 days of 90+ degrees. Just so you know, my allergies are driving me so crazy that my sinuses want to go on vacation to Alaska just to get some peace!

Signed,
Sneezy Smurf


----------



## littlefairywren

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Kimberly
> You forgot to mention users, liars, time wasters, manipulators, game players, insincere men, those guys who message EVERY single fat woman hoping that ONE of them will answer, men who talk the talk but dont walk the walk, immature men who need a mommy, internet losers who attempt to play women online so they can have a place to live (and a sugar momma), men who keep several women (who dont know about one another) dangling with promises, and my particular favorite...the men who straddle the line between friendship and more--because they are too afraid that they will lose one for the other. *sigh
> 
> Just thought I would mention that.
> 
> Signed,
> Been there done that Terri



Dear Terri

I am glad for the additions I will also add "the confused anglers" that like to keep me on the fish hook. Can't decide if he wants to take me home for dinner or throw me back to the sharks.

Love Kimberly

PS. I am getting super impatient Universe!


----------



## sweet&fat

Dear Humans,

You suck. I don't know why, but right now you do. 

-me


----------



## thejuicyone

Dear heart,

You're starting to fall, I know it. Be careful.

Love, 
me.


----------



## Inhibited

Flutterby68 said:


> Dear "Friends" from parenting message boards:
> 
> You KNOW that I will not give you sympathy for having children who are unruly brats. They are unruly brats because you LET them be unruly brats. Actually DO something about it, and I bet that will change.
> 
> Signed,
> Unsympathetic Bitch (to you, anyway)
> 
> ________
> 
> 
> Totally agree


----------



## Aust99

Dear Employer

Stop dicking me around. Make me permanent. So many decisions depend on this fact - where to live for one. 

Forever hopeful.
Me


----------



## Horseman

My dearest daughter and other women I love,

Please receive this in the spirit of truthfulness and full disclosure with which it is delivered.

Men are scum.

No, not all men. Not me.

And if I'm not scum, then surely I must not be the only one.

But I am a man. I've raised a man who I hope is a good one. Emphasis on "hope," because he still has to prove himself. Every day for the rest of his life.

I've been around boys and men for 43 years in their most candid moments -- like football locker rooms, the inner sanctum where we really do reveal our true characters.

Most of you wouldn't like most of us if you knew what we are thinking. What we say about you when you can't hear us.

No, not all men. Not me.

But the number of men in this world who I can _guarantee_ you will not hurt you, who will treat you with respect and not just say they respect you because it's what you need to hear before or after "giving it up," I can count on one hand.

And have four fingers left over.

Yes, me.

So when I try to caution you about someone, _even about yourself_, it's because I know "him" better than you do, even if I only just met him. Even if I've _never_ met him and you're only telling me about him -- what he's said to you, and how he interacts with you. I know him because his actions and motivations are transparent to me in a way they can't and won't be to you until you are much older. Maybe not until you've fallen for every trick and there's simply no way left for a player to play you.

I know him because he's me -- the baser me that I don't allow to rule my life. The man that's inside all men unless they're unusually sensitive to right and wrong or until they really do find the "right" woman. And that still comes out sometimes in some men even after they're _with_ that woman.

Yes, a woman will come along eventually to change most every man.

What are the chances you're that woman? ... It could be true, but be very careful until you find out.

I'm not trying to be a man-basher. I _am_ a man; I don't want us to always be portrayed in a negative light. Most of what we men do is admirable.

Most of us are brave. Hard working. Strong. Loyal. Reliable. Honest. Even kind.

But when presented an opportunity for casual sex, most of us are none of those things. Were cowards who hide behind a mask of a faux-caring smile and complimentary words. Short-cutters who dont want to put in the hard work of a real relationship. Weaklings who give in to our own base instincts and who will turn on you in the morning -- or soon enough, whenever it is -- and leave you in a lurch. Liars who will tell you anything, and from whom even the kindest-sounding words are cruelly fashioned to achieve one goal.

If you understand these things and are happy to participate in this game anyway, then that's your choice. But if your happiness or contentedness with that choice is in any way predicated on the misguided belief that such men "respect" you afterward, it is my obligation as someone who loves you to say that virtually none of them really do. 

Some men will deny these truths until they're old enough to understand that it's just how life is, and maybe even to wish that they'd shown more restraint in their youth. ... Often that happens after their own daughter has been hurt by someone who behaved exactly as the poor girl's father knows he would have behaved when he was 17, or 20, or 24, or 30 ... or Bill Clinton.

Many men will try to tell you I'm lying. That's because it's better for their scoring average if you don't know the truth.

And some men will say these are fighting words and challenge me to put my money where my mouth is -- or in this case, my fists where my fingertips are.

Fair enough. I'm completely prepared, my dears, to defend my honor.

And yours.

But that's just me.


----------



## Blackjack

sweet&fat said:


> Dear Humans,
> 
> You suck. I don't know why, but right now you do.
> 
> -me



Just right now?


----------



## Famouslastwords

I heard you suck all the time Beejay.


----------



## Blackjack

Famouslastwords said:


> I heard you suck all the time Beejay.



I believe you have me confused with yo momma.


----------



## TraciJo67

Dear Spray of Sunshine (and you know who you are):

I miss you. Since you went to jail, things just haven't been the same around this here trailer park. The weeds are starting to choke the garden, and although a few of the heartier plants are putting up a mighty struggle, I fear that soon they'll be overtaken too. We need you here ... home ... where you belong. With your great big huge ..... weed whacker 

Love Always,
T


----------



## Haunted

Horseman said:


> My dearest daughter and other women I love,
> 
> Please receive this in the spirit of truthfulness and full disclosure with which it is delivered.
> 
> Men are scum.
> 
> No, not all men. Not me.
> 
> And if I'm not scum, then surely I must not be the only one.
> 
> But I am a man. I've raised a man who I hope is a good one. Emphasis on "hope," because he still has to prove himself. Every day for the rest of his life.
> 
> I've been around boys and men for 43 years in their most candid moments -- like football locker rooms, the inner sanctum where we really do reveal our true characters.
> 
> Most of you wouldn't like most of us if you knew what we are thinking. What we say about you when you can't hear us.
> 
> No, not all men. Not me.
> 
> But the number of men in this world who I can _guarantee_ you will not hurt you, who will treat you with respect and not just say they respect you because it's what you need to hear before or after "giving it up," I can count on one hand.
> 
> And have four fingers left over.
> 
> Yes, me.
> 
> So when I try to caution you about someone, _even about yourself_, it's because I know "him" better than you do, even if I only just met him. Even if I've _never_ met him and you're only telling me about him -- what he's said to you, and how he interacts with you. I know him because his actions and motivations are transparent to me in a way they can't and won't be to you until you are much older. Maybe not until you've fallen for every trick and there's simply no way left for a player to play you.
> 
> I know him because he's me -- the baser me that I don't allow to rule my life. The man that's inside all men unless they're unusually sensitive to right and wrong or until they really do find the "right" woman. And that still comes out sometimes in some men even after they're _with_ that woman.
> 
> Yes, a woman will come along eventually to change most every man.
> 
> What are the chances you're that woman? ... It could be true, but be very careful until you find out.
> 
> I'm not trying to be a man-basher. I _am_ a man; I don't want us to always be portrayed in a negative light. Most of what we men do is admirable.
> 
> Most of us are brave. Hard working. Strong. Loyal. Reliable. Honest. Even kind.
> 
> But when presented an opportunity for casual sex, most of us are none of those things. Were cowards who hide behind a mask of a faux-caring smile and complimentary words. Short-cutters who dont want to put in the hard work of a real relationship. Weaklings who give in to our own base instincts and who will turn on you in the morning -- or soon enough, whenever it is -- and leave you in a lurch. Liars who will tell you anything, and from whom even the kindest-sounding words are cruelly fashioned to achieve one goal.
> 
> If you understand these things and are happy to participate in this game anyway, then that's your choice. But if your happiness or contentedness with that choice is in any way predicated on the misguided belief that such men "respect" you afterward, it is my obligation as someone who loves you to say that virtually none of them really do.
> 
> Some men will deny these truths until they're old enough to understand that it's just how life is, and maybe even to wish that they'd shown more restraint in their youth. ... Often that happens after their own daughter has been hurt by someone who behaved exactly as the poor girl's father knows he would have behaved when he was 17, or 20, or 24, or 30 ... or Bill Clinton.
> 
> Many men will try to tell you I'm lying. That's because it's better for their scoring average if you don't know the truth.
> 
> And some men will say these are fighting words and challenge me to put my money where my mouth is -- or in this case, my fists where my fingertips are.
> 
> Fair enough. I'm completely prepared, my dears, to defend my honor.
> 
> And yours.
> 
> But that's just me.



To all young ladies everywhere read this and know this i am him he is me and i am also a dad and stepdad to four young ladies that i i will also defend to the death from my own kind


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear friend who I recently met online-

You are tres charming, funny, intelligent and I love the way that you talk about how to treat a woman. I wish that I could post the conversations that we have so that some other men (who may need help in that respect) can see how it should be done. 

I am so glad that we've become friends,
Terri


----------



## thejuicyone

Dear you,

Thanks for being extremely shady, and leading me to believe that you're full of shit. You really had me fooled.

Signed, 
Hurt.


----------



## Horseman

thejuicyone said:


> Dear you,
> 
> Thanks for being extremely shady, and leading me to believe that you're full of shit. You really had me fooled.
> 
> Signed,
> Hurt.




I'm so sorry. 

Sadly ... it seems that my post above once again applies. As it probably does a million times per day around the world.


----------



## LisaInNC

Horseman said:


> My dearest daughter and other women I love,
> 
> Please receive this in the spirit of truthfulness and full disclosure with which it is delivered.
> 
> Men are scum.
> 
> No, not all men. Not me.
> 
> And if I'm not scum, then surely I must not be the only one.
> 
> But I am a man. I've raised a man who I hope is a good one. Emphasis on "hope," because he still has to prove himself. Every day for the rest of his life.
> 
> I've been around boys and men for 43 years in their most candid moments -- like football locker rooms, the inner sanctum where we really do reveal our true characters.
> 
> Most of you wouldn't like most of us if you knew what we are thinking. What we say about you when you can't hear us.
> 
> No, not all men. Not me.
> 
> But the number of men in this world who I can _guarantee_ you will not hurt you, who will treat you with respect and not just say they respect you because it's what you need to hear before or after "giving it up," I can count on one hand.
> 
> And have four fingers left over.
> 
> Yes, me.
> 
> So when I try to caution you about someone, _even about yourself_, it's because I know "him" better than you do, even if I only just met him. Even if I've _never_ met him and you're only telling me about him -- what he's said to you, and how he interacts with you. I know him because his actions and motivations are transparent to me in a way they can't and won't be to you until you are much older. Maybe not until you've fallen for every trick and there's simply no way left for a player to play you.
> 
> I know him because he's me -- the baser me that I don't allow to rule my life. The man that's inside all men unless they're unusually sensitive to right and wrong or until they really do find the "right" woman. And that still comes out sometimes in some men even after they're _with_ that woman.
> 
> Yes, a woman will come along eventually to change most every man.
> 
> What are the chances you're that woman? ... It could be true, but be very careful until you find out.
> 
> I'm not trying to be a man-basher. I _am_ a man; I don't want us to always be portrayed in a negative light. Most of what we men do is admirable.
> 
> Most of us are brave. Hard working. Strong. Loyal. Reliable. Honest. Even kind.
> 
> But when presented an opportunity for casual sex, most of us are none of those things. Were cowards who hide behind a mask of a faux-caring smile and complimentary words. Short-cutters who dont want to put in the hard work of a real relationship. Weaklings who give in to our own base instincts and who will turn on you in the morning -- or soon enough, whenever it is -- and leave you in a lurch. Liars who will tell you anything, and from whom even the kindest-sounding words are cruelly fashioned to achieve one goal.
> 
> If you understand these things and are happy to participate in this game anyway, then that's your choice. But if your happiness or contentedness with that choice is in any way predicated on the misguided belief that such men "respect" you afterward, it is my obligation as someone who loves you to say that virtually none of them really do.
> 
> Some men will deny these truths until they're old enough to understand that it's just how life is, and maybe even to wish that they'd shown more restraint in their youth. ... Often that happens after their own daughter has been hurt by someone who behaved exactly as the poor girl's father knows he would have behaved when he was 17, or 20, or 24, or 30 ... or Bill Clinton.
> 
> Many men will try to tell you I'm lying. That's because it's better for their scoring average if you don't know the truth.
> 
> And some men will say these are fighting words and challenge me to put my money where my mouth is -- or in this case, my fists where my fingertips are.
> 
> Fair enough. I'm completely prepared, my dears, to defend my honor.
> 
> And yours.
> 
> But that's just me.



So weird....when I say all of this, I am called psycho, prudish, and bitchy. Hmm


----------



## RobitusinZ

Dear Retard-in-a-Civic,

Thank you for jumping onto the highway this morning going 35 miles per hour. I'm sure that you were very tired from the night before. I hope you die.

Love,
RobZ


----------



## Horseman

LisaInNC said:


> So weird....when I say all of this, I am called psycho, prudish, and bitchy. Hmm




The ultimate case of striking back at the messenger when the truth hurts.


----------



## Sugar

Dear Little Dog That I Love So Much,

I don't know what it is about snow storms, but your constant single yelps ALL NIGHT are going to earn you a one way ticket to outside.

OK we both know that's not true, but could you please stop barking randomly? You woke me up no less than 6 times. You woke up your co-owner up in another room with earplug 3 times. It's really too much. Let's face it, you run this house so maybe you could be nicer to your minions?

Love, 
The Person Who Treats Her Dog Like Her Child


----------



## sirGordy

Horseman said:


> My dearest daughter and other women I love,
> 
> Please receive this in the spirit of truthfulness and full disclosure with which it is delivered.
> 
> Men are scum.
> 
> No, not all men. Not me.
> 
> And if I'm not scum, then surely I must not be the only one.
> 
> But I am a man. I've raised a man who I hope is a good one. Emphasis on "hope," because he still has to prove himself. Every day for the rest of his life.
> 
> I've been around boys and men for 43 years in their most candid moments -- like football locker rooms, the inner sanctum where we really do reveal our true characters.
> 
> Most of you wouldn't like most of us if you knew what we are thinking. What we say about you when you can't hear us.
> 
> No, not all men. Not me.
> 
> But the number of men in this world who I can _guarantee_ you will not hurt you, who will treat you with respect and not just say they respect you because it's what you need to hear before or after "giving it up," I can count on one hand.
> 
> And have four fingers left over.
> 
> Yes, me.
> 
> So when I try to caution you about someone, _even about yourself_, it's because I know "him" better than you do, even if I only just met him. Even if I've _never_ met him and you're only telling me about him -- what he's said to you, and how he interacts with you. I know him because his actions and motivations are transparent to me in a way they can't and won't be to you until you are much older. Maybe not until you've fallen for every trick and there's simply no way left for a player to play you.
> 
> I know him because he's me -- the baser me that I don't allow to rule my life. The man that's inside all men unless they're unusually sensitive to right and wrong or until they really do find the "right" woman. And that still comes out sometimes in some men even after they're _with_ that woman.
> 
> Yes, a woman will come along eventually to change most every man.
> 
> What are the chances you're that woman? ... It could be true, but be very careful until you find out.
> 
> I'm not trying to be a man-basher. I _am_ a man; I don't want us to always be portrayed in a negative light. Most of what we men do is admirable.
> 
> Most of us are brave. Hard working. Strong. Loyal. Reliable. Honest. Even kind.
> 
> But when presented an opportunity for casual sex, most of us are none of those things. Were cowards who hide behind a mask of a faux-caring smile and complimentary words. Short-cutters who dont want to put in the hard work of a real relationship. Weaklings who give in to our own base instincts and who will turn on you in the morning -- or soon enough, whenever it is -- and leave you in a lurch. Liars who will tell you anything, and from whom even the kindest-sounding words are cruelly fashioned to achieve one goal.
> 
> If you understand these things and are happy to participate in this game anyway, then that's your choice. But if your happiness or contentedness with that choice is in any way predicated on the misguided belief that such men "respect" you afterward, it is my obligation as someone who loves you to say that virtually none of them really do.
> 
> Some men will deny these truths until they're old enough to understand that it's just how life is, and maybe even to wish that they'd shown more restraint in their youth. ... Often that happens after their own daughter has been hurt by someone who behaved exactly as the poor girl's father knows he would have behaved when he was 17, or 20, or 24, or 30 ... or Bill Clinton.
> 
> Many men will try to tell you I'm lying. That's because it's better for their scoring average if you don't know the truth.
> 
> And some men will say these are fighting words and challenge me to put my money where my mouth is -- or in this case, my fists where my fingertips are.
> 
> Fair enough. I'm completely prepared, my dears, to defend my honor.
> 
> And yours.
> 
> But that's just me.




You know, Horseman, I read your post this morning, and I looked at my lifelong career being a man. I have been called everything from the best and nicest guy around to a creepy and strange fellow. Been through the best and worse from the ladies I have encountered during my life. Being a guy who has a heart, and those who know me well, acknowledges I have one, its just heartening to know that I am not the only one pondering these facts about men.

Some of us laugh, some of us cry, some of us do both. We are not all macho, we are all not all soft, we are what God made us to be, and some of us follow what God made us to be, all of us capable of reaching the pinnacle of human greatness.

All I can say is as as a member of the XY Chromosome crowd, I am a person of alot of facets and alot of depth. As a guy, and one that my sainted mom raised well (especially in the way to treat women), I am happy that as she looks down from heaven, that hoping she is proud of the man that I have become, and still evolving into....


----------



## Horseman

sirGordy said:


> All I can say is as as a member of the XY Chromosome crowd, I am a person of alot of facets and alot of depth. As a guy, and one that my sainted mom raised well (especially in the way to treat women), I am happy that as she looks down from heaven, that hoping she is proud of the man that I have become, and still evolving into....




Welcome to what, as a father and friend of used women, I fear is the 1 percent.


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear You, 

You have an MD after your name, so I'm pretty sure you can read and have a high level of comprehension. Why the "Please Knock" sign on my door escapes you, though, I'm not sure. Perhaps you feel that because it's not your typical door, that it's just there for appearances, but when I have the door closed, it means I would like some privacy. For you to just walk up and slide it open without warning, ignoring the sign, is rude and infuriating and potentially embarrassing for both of us. It's one thing when my boss does it - he's the boss. But from you, I expect the same courtesy that I give you in regard to this issue. 

Also, to your colleagues who at least acknowledge the sign - the purpose of a knock is to gain permission to enter. Why you feel that knocking and entering without waiting for a response is acceptable is beyond me. I guess being an MD does entitle you to some privileges, huh?

Signed, 

Lowly Assistant Girl

___________


Dear Other You, 

I know. I can't let you know that I know yet, but when the time comes, you'll know that I know and it won't be pretty. 

Signed, 

Quietly Fuming


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear Fascinating Geek Boy:

I have no idea what you look like and I don't care. I'm enjoying our late-night discussions very much, and I think you're wife is a lucky woman and is behaving like a complete idiot. 

Signed,
Unconventional Conventionist

____

Dear Economy:

PLEASE let me find a job in the next week or two, at the latest. My unemployment is going to run out, and we'll then be homeless. I do NOT want to be homeless.

Signed,
Desperate Woman

_____

Dear Breakfast:

Why are you so GOOD?? You are by far the most fattening thing I could possibly eat and I know this, and I know I should avoid you. But the siren song of sizzling sausage coupled with cheese and eggs and hash browns.... belly-busting, but blissful. If I ever want to lose weight, I will need to give you up. WHY is my metabolism so slow? Darn it, I love you so much. *sigh* Meanie.

Signed,
Annoyed BBW


----------



## RobitusinZ

Horseman said:


> Welcome to what, as a father and friend of used women, I fear is the 1 percent.



Ya know, as a kid, I was exactly the kind of guy I would've wanted my daughter to date, and I got that certified by my father-in-law.

In my old(er? I'm only 29) age, though, I've become way more of a womanizer. At least at this age, it's easy just to be up front and say, "Casual sex?", and there not be any repercussions, woman are perfectly capable of making their own choices.

I'm not sure if I'm the 1% of super holy dudes, but I know that at least I'm not in the "predator" camp. I think that's good enough.


----------



## TraciJo67

Flutterby68 said:


> Dear Fascinating Geek Boy:
> 
> I have no idea what you look like and I don't care. I'm enjoying our late-night discussions very much, and I think you're wife is a lucky woman and is behaving like a complete idiot.
> 
> Signed,
> Unconventional Conventionist



Well, that's if his version of Ye Olde Marital Woes matches wifely version of same ... right?


----------



## Horseman

RobitusinZ said:


> I'm not sure if I'm the 1% of super holy dudes, but I know that at least I'm not in the "predator" camp. I think that's good enough.




I don't lay any claim to "holy." Only honest.


----------



## Sugar

TraciJo67 said:


> Well, that's if his version of Ye Olde Marital Woes matches wifely version of same ... right?



You know darn well that people do NOT lie about their situations and actions of their spouse online.


----------



## TraciJo67

Sugar said:


> You know darn well that people do NOT lie about their situations and actions of their spouse online.



Speaking only for myself, as a hot (HOT HOT) young unmarried woman with more cash than sense, I honestly cannot think of any reason why people would lie to each other online. I mean, what would be the motive?


----------



## mergirl

TraciJo67 said:


> Speaking only for myself, as a hot (HOT HOT) young unmarried woman with more cash than sense, I honestly cannot think of any reason why people would lie to each other online. I mean, what would be the motive?


You sound beautiful. I have a huge HUGE cock! Also, my ugandan Lawer needs $5000 to release my $100000000 inheritance.. if you send it i will split it with you.. please help.. i really need a penis reduction. x


----------



## TraciJo67

mergirl said:


> You sound beautiful. I have a huge HUGE cock! Also, my ugandan Lawer needs $5000 to release my $100000000 inheritance.. if you send it i will split it with you.. please help.. i really need a penis reduction. x



Dear mergirl,

I am suspicious. Your username has the word "girl" in it and when I looked at your profile I saw a picture of a girl. I'm a raging homophobe, and I don't want to invest my money if you aren't exactly who you say you are -- a man with an enormous penis. I don't want you get the wrong idea -- I'm a girl with VERY HIGH STANDARDS, and if you can't meet them, then I can't give you my account number so you can wire the $10000000 to me. Please prove that you are a man with an enormous penis. I will accept pictures of your penis as proof, so long as you substantiate by saying "I swear to Dog that I'm telling the truth". 

Love (well, I *want* to love you, anyway),
Traci


----------



## Sugar

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear mergirl,
> 
> I am suspicious. Your username has the word "girl" in it and when I looked at your profile I saw a picture of a girl. I'm a raging homophobe, and I don't want to invest my money if you aren't exactly who you say you are -- a man with an enormous penis. I don't want you get the wrong idea -- I'm a girl with VERY HIGH STANDARDS, and if you can't meet them, then I can't give you my account number so you can wire the $10000000 to me. Please prove that you are a man with an enormous penis. I will accept pictures of your penis as proof, so long as you substantiate by saying "I swear to Dog that I'm telling the truth".
> 
> Love (well, I *want* to love you, anyway),
> Traci



Dear Traci & Merperson,

How the hell did I get pushed out of this love fest. FTR I'm very attractive and rich and I will only call you a fat tub of lard when I really really mean it. That's the Dog's honest truth!

Love,
Chester McCrackinly Esq, MD, DDS, CPA


----------



## Flutterby68

Sugar said:


> You know darn well that people do NOT lie about their situations and actions of their spouse online.



Well, considering the fact that I'm very married myself, I am not interested in other men for naughty stuff. He and I are both geeks, and can talk geekdom to each other. My spouse's eyes glaze over when I start a geekfest, so it's nice to talk to someone who "gets it."


----------



## TraciJo67

Sugar said:


> Dear Traci & Merperson,
> 
> How the hell did I get pushed out of this love fest. FTR I'm very attractive and rich and I will only call you a fat tub of lard when I really really mean it. That's the Dog's honest truth!
> 
> Love,
> Chester McCrackinly Esq, MD, DDS, CPA



You had me at MD, I teetered at DDS, and you freakin' lost me at CPA. But more to the point, do you have a freakishly large penis?


----------



## mergirl

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear mergirl,
> 
> I am suspicious. Your username has the word "girl" in it and when I looked at your profile I saw a picture of a girl. I'm a raging homophobe, and I don't want to invest my money if you aren't exactly who you say you are -- a man with an enormous penis. I don't want you get the wrong idea -- I'm a girl with VERY HIGH STANDARDS, and if you can't meet them, then I can't give you my account number so you can wire the $10000000 to me. Please prove that you are a man with an enormous penis. I will accept pictures of your penis as proof, so long as you substantiate by saying "I swear to Dog that I'm telling the truth".
> 
> Love (well, I *want* to love you, anyway),
> Traci





Sugar said:


> Dear Traci & Merperson,
> 
> How the hell did I get pushed out of this love fest. FTR I'm very attractive and rich and I will only call you a fat tub of lard when I really really mean it. That's the Dog's honest truth!
> 
> Love,
> Chester McCrackinly Esq, MD, DDS, CPA



*generic mailing*

Dear beautiful ladies

I am using my sisters computer because in my country it is against the law for a man with a very big penis to use computers because the king has a small knob and we men of large peni have few rights. Very sad. 
As you can see, my sister is a handsom woman..so you can only imagine that i am also handsom.. but a man.. Don't worry about any wiffs of gay you get.. only last week i beheaded someone for wearing a pink t-shirt.. so i am a MAN.. you understand...
Also, i am willing to call you any receptical based items when we are in the marital bed. I would like you to be my wife... its not about the passport... its that in this past msg i know we are ment to be together.. as we have the same interests ie. romantic name calling and gay hatred.. Soon i shall send you a pic of my freakishly huge knob and we shall be married yes?


----------



## Sugar

TraciJo67 said:


> You had me at MD, I teetered at DDS, and you freakin' lost me at CPA. But more to the point, do you have a freakishly large penis?



I have a huge penis. I'm a charter member of LPSG.org and I had to become a CPA so I could afford my special banana hammock. All of this is besides the point. You know you want me...so when are you going to cook me dinner?



mergirl said:


> *generic mailing*
> 
> Dear beautiful ladies
> 
> I am using my sisters computer because in my country it is against the law for a man with a very big penis to use computers because the king has a small knob and we men of large peni have few rights. Very sad.
> As you can see, my sister is a handsom woman..so you can only imagine that i am also handsom.. but a man.. Don't worry about any wiffs of gay you get.. only last week i beheaded someone for wearing a pink t-shirt.. so i am a MAN.. you understand...
> Also, i am willing to call you any receptical based items when we are in the marital bed. I would like you to be my wife... its not about the passport... its that in this past msg i know we are ment to be together.. as we have the same interests ie. romantic name calling and gay hatred.. Soon i shall send you a pic of my freakishly huge knob and we shall be married yes?



I'd love to be married to you. :batting:

Since we're already engaged I was hoping you could help me with something. My Uncle was very wealthy and left me a huge sum of money upon his passing. The bank needs a European bank to deposit the money into. I was hoping we could use your bank account and of course I'd pay you handsomely with lots of lovin' and some cash if you could help me. Please call me at 091-029747343-322343-1778 and ask for Mr. Bombay.


----------



## TraciJo67

Sugar said:


> I have a huge penis. I'm a charter member of LPSG.org and I had to become a CPA so I could afford my special banana hammock. All of this is besides the point. You know you want me...so when are you going to cook me dinner?



That sounds promising, but how are you with your fists? Because sometimes, I do get a little mouthy and need to be taught a lesson. 




> I'd love to be married to you. :batting:
> 
> Since we're already engaged I was hoping you could help me with something. My Uncle was very wealthy and left me a huge sum of money upon his passing. The bank needs a European bank to deposit the money into. I was hoping we could use your bank account and of course I'd pay you handsomely with lots of lovin' and some cash if you could help me. Please call me at 091-029747343-322343-1778 and ask for Mr. Bombay.



I don't mean to nitpick, but ... well ... you're declaring your love for me, yet you can't even stop hitting on other women ... and in the same freakin' post??!?! Are you effing KIDDING ME??!?! Oh ... wait ... not my place to question. Sorry. I'm calm now. It won't happen again.


----------



## mergirl

Sugar said:


> I'd love to be married to you. :batting:
> 
> Since we're already engaged I was hoping you could help me with something. My Uncle was very wealthy and left me a huge sum of money upon his passing. The bank needs a European bank to deposit the money into. I was hoping we could use your bank account and of course I'd pay you handsomely with lots of lovin' and some cash if you could help me. Please call me at 091-029747343-322343-1778 and ask for Mr. Bombay.



*Dialing as we speak* That sounds amazing! I can't belive my luck!! Engaged AND Recieving a fortune on the same day!!! wow!!!:happy::wubu:
Mr Bombay..you have made a lonely large penised wo/man very happy!!!


----------



## Sugar

TraciJo67 said:


> That sounds promising, but how are you with your fists? Because sometimes, I do get a little mouthy and need to be taught a lesson.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I don't mean to nitpick, but ... well ... you're declaring your love for me, yet you can't even stop hitting on other women ... and in the same freakin' post??!?! Are you effing KIDDING ME??!?! Oh ... wait ... not my place to question. Sorry. I'm calm now. It won't happen again.



I have mighty fists of reason. I hope your insurance is good because I'm not paying for your lippy antics. I sure do love you. 



mergirl said:


> *Dialing as we speak* That sounds amazing! I can't belive my luck!! Engaged AND Recieving a fortune on the same day!!! wow!!!:happy::wubu:
> Mr Bombay..you have made a lonely large penised wo/man very happy!!!



I hope we can start a compound somewhere in Montana ala Waco ala Jonestown. A real love utopia. 

:wubu::wubu:


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear People Who Assume:

Assumptions are dangerous, and can ruin reputations.

Signed,
Someone who has been there

____

Dear Diet Coke:

Why must you be so addictive? I might as well start slapping my arms for caffeine IV drips.

Signed,
Addict

____

Dear Husband:

Thanks for being so amused about how many online friends I have. I warned ya, and now you're really seeing proof of it. Now you know why my buddy list has over 200 people in it. So, while you make your chain mail, I can geek out online LOL.

Signed,
Lucky Wife
____

Dear friend of my son's:

Thanks for helping him move. I'll be sad to see him move out of state, but it's past time for him to be independent. Thanks for helping push him into it.

Signed,
Relieved mother


----------



## mergirl

Sugar said:


> I have mighty fists of reason. I hope your insurance is good because I'm not paying for your lippy antics. I sure do love you.
> 
> 
> 
> I hope we can start a compound somewhere in Montana ala Waco ala Jonestown. A real love utopia.
> 
> :wubu::wubu:


LOL TO IT ALL!!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Person who places judgement on others-

Its nice that you can sit on your throne in your ivory tower and look down on people, isnt it? It must be hard to be so perfect all the time. It must be a great burden to have to be the one who has to tell everyone what is wrong with them..and to point out the tiny flaws that no one else notices. I wonder if making others feel bad about themselves really does you any good. My question to you is, "Do you ever look in the mirror and see those same flaws in your own reflection?" I am worried that you might look and see an emptyness looking back at you. Much like a copy of a copy of a copy..you've lost your sharpness, the definition, the clarity and brilliance that made you shine, and all the things that used to make you interesting. That reflection is going to look back at you one day and ask "When did you become so old and alone?" What will you have as an answer? You know, the saddest part about looking down on people is that you can get awfully lonely up there, all by yourself. 

Take a look around and see that there are billions of people who are just like us. They all desire love,respect, affection, attention, and sustinance of many kinds including but not limited to: spiritual, intellectual, physical, and yes--even emotional. You might even admit that you, yourself need it, and once that you admit it..it will come more freely to you. Why dont you come down from that tower and associate with those of us who dont own ivory towers, thrones, or have ideal jobs, perfect bodies, and fantastically wonderful lives. I think that you have forgotten where you came from. Perhaps a refresher course in Humanity101 might be a good idea. 

respectfully yours, 
Terri, the woman with nothing to offer but friendship.


----------



## Sugar

Flutterby68 said:


> Well, considering the fact that I'm very married myself, I am not interested in other men for naughty stuff. He and I are both geeks, and can talk geekdom to each other. My spouse's eyes glaze over when I start a geekfest, so it's nice to talk to someone who "gets it."



Dearest Flutterby,

I was joking with Traci Jo. I have no notions about your relationship with your husband or the relationship with your friend and his wife. I am genuinely happy that you have found an internet friend to share your geekdom with. May the force be with you guys.

Sincerely and cordially,

Sarah


----------



## TraciJo67

Dear Flutterby,

Same here. I wasn't assuming that you were doing anything wrong. I was just having fun with the notion of the "poor married guy with the wife who doesn't understand him", as an aside from what you'd written. I didn't think, nor mean to imply, that you had anything in your mind, other than friendship.

Sincerely,
Traci


----------



## Famouslastwords

You had me at I hope you have good insurance cuz I'm not gonna pay for your lippy antics.

So... when does the Traci beatin' begin?


----------



## Famouslastwords

Blackjack said:


> I believe you have me confused with yo momma.



Dear Blackjack,

Nope, they said it was you.

I'll tell you what they said "Dat Blackjack sucks dem titties like a Hoover."

I could've said cocks.
Cordially Yours,
FLW


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear Dinner Companions:

Constantly trying to one-up everyone else is really irritating. It explains why you don't have a lot of friends. Seriously.

Signed,
Disgusted


----------



## Sugar

Famouslastwords said:


> You had me at I hope you have good insurance cuz I'm not gonna pay for your lippy antics.
> 
> So... when does the Traci beatin' begin?



In the morning...when I'm fresh and she's sleeping. Come over and we'll see what we can do.

BTW I'm glad to see you back online after your hospital visit!


----------



## DeerVictory

Dear lady who works at the post office,

I think you're probably the type of woman who hugs for a little too long.

I think I like that.

You should smile more.


----------



## Cors

_(I posted this on an Asian LGBT personals site. I clearly state that I am an FFA in my profile, but the responses I got sadly fall into the "120lbs, fat and depressed", "is this a joke" and "OMG freak" categories.) 
_

Hello, Asian women.

This may be unfathomable to some of you and pretty obvious to others, but I love big/chubby/curvy/fat/thick women. However, it appears that most of you don't quite know what I consider fat.

It makes me sad that almost all of you who messaged me telling me how huge you are are actually of normal weight, or perhaps an ounce or two above the lowered Asian BMI cut-off point of 23. And oh, it is not about big boobs, wide hips or a round booty. I do not think that Pamela Anderson or Jennifer Lopez are fat at all - far from it. Think Oprah, Queen Latifah or even the two of them combined.

I understand that Asian standards are ridiculous, that most Asian girls are teeny tiny, that diet talk is a national pastime and a bonding activity for many women, that Singapore is a terribly fat-phobic place and that bigger girls often have a hard time with clothes shopping, face constant nagging from "well-meaning" people, random hate from strangers and even feeling invisible when it comes to dating. Your experience is perfectly valid and I can empathise.

(My family, relatives and acquaintances looove telling me how disgustingly fat I am, especially compared to my thin, conventionally pretty sister. They even insinuate that I am ugly, useless and unwanted because of my size. I generally have a hard time shopping in Singapore. I have trouble buttoning size L, or even XL tops and bras never come in my size. More often than not, the clothes are so unflattering that I end up looking a good 10kgs heavier.

However, things are so different outside of Asia. I wear a US size 0, a UK size 6 and sometimes have to shop in the kid's section. I often get told how small I am in London, where I currently live and I even got sandwiches shoved in my face numerous times. Men and women alike compliment my figure and they are not all closeted big boob fetishists or clueless idiots who only hit on me because "fat" girls are easy to bed. My doctors even tell me to put on some weight. And... so many Asians, especially the sheltered ones continue bitching about my "fat" whenever I visit. It is ridiculous.)

The next time you feel "fat", try to put things into perspective. Singapore, or the whole of Southeast Asia for that matter is not the world. Chances are, you will be considered small or perhaps average everywhere else. 

Even if you are big by say, British (average of UK size 16) or American (average of US size 16 which is a UK size 18/20) standards, things aren't all that bad. There are many who actually prefer bigger partners and are even aroused by the fat parts you hate. Not all fat admirers, or chubby chasers are socially inadequate creeps deeply in the closet about their preference. Most are pretty damn normal, and we really are more common than you think.


----------



## Blackjack

Cors said:


> _Hello, Asian women...
> *snip*
> _


----------



## TraciJo67

Famouslastwords said:


> You had me at I hope you have good insurance cuz I'm not gonna pay for your lippy antics.
> 
> So... when does the Traci beatin' begin?



Dear FLW,

Weren't you recently released from the hospital, dearie? Wouldn't like a return trip, would you? 

Srlsly ... glad you are all better. There's nothing like getting a FLW thunk on da head. 

Love,
COF Prez or Socially Inept Misfit, depending on who you ask


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Ouija Board, 


You are so stupid. Rediculously Stupid. 
I Really Wish you would've worked! Grr!


----------



## TraciJo67

Dear Person,

You suck. I really don't like you. I'm going to offer a detailed explanation about why I don't like you, and why you really, really are teh suckage. And then, for good measure, I'll insult you by implying that you have no life, no friends, bad personal hygiene, etc, blah.

Then, I'll end the letter by telling you that I'm offering this nugget of wisdom 'n insight in the spirit of kindness, giving, and/or friendship. 

I won't get that in writing such a letter to you, I'm clearly no better than you (and probably far more unpleasant, actually). People who do see it will get a snort or a chuckle from the irony but more than likely will just click 'next' because we're not really interesting enough to inspire comment. That means you too, dearest one (the unloved, and the unlov_ee_).

And I'll sign it thusly:

Passive-Aggressively Yours,
Moi <insert smiley or cheesy grin or even the wubu emoticon here>


----------



## katorade

Dear family upstairs,

Stop harboring fugitive elephants immediately or I'll be forced to call Customs.

Stop hosting roller derbies in the room directly above my bedroom.

Stop testing lead boots for Ugg. They'll never be "in".

Is it really possible for an 8 year old to sound like Frankenstein's monster?

Howling contests with your dog aren't as cute as you think.

Give the goddamn kid his goddamn crackers so he'll stop screaming.

I know you can hear me when I yell at you through the floor.

Signed,
Me

P.S. Dude, she's faking it.


----------



## Famouslastwords

Sugar said:


> In the morning...when I'm fresh and she's sleeping. Come over and we'll see what we can do.
> 
> BTW I'm glad to see you back online after your hospital visit!



Why thank ya darlin'

If you beat her while she's asleep how can it be punishment for her lippy actions? Or do you sit and let it stew and then wait until you have the element of surprise on your hands?

Or does that ball crusher talk shit in her sleep too?


----------



## Famouslastwords

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear FLW,
> 
> Weren't you recently released from the hospital, dearie? Wouldn't like a return trip, would you?
> 
> Srlsly ... glad you are all better. There's nothing like getting a FLW thunk on da head.
> 
> Love,
> COF Prez or Socially Inept Misfit, depending on who you ask



Dear Traci,

Try it bitch, I'll take my belt off and whip you like your daddy used to.

Lovingly,

FLW

P.S. Srsly <3 you


----------



## Horseman

katorade said:


> P.S. Dude, she's faking it.




Ouch.

Glad that's (ahem) never happened (ahem) to me.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe

He is plaguing my thoughts today. Please, won't you make the memories go away because they hurt. They keep me awake at night 
Make him do something that makes me care less, but do it quick.

Love Kimberly


----------



## Fascinita

Dear World,

I'm bored. I think I'll become a beatnik.

~Me


----------



## mergirl

Fascinita said:


> Dear World,
> 
> I'm bored. I think I'll become a beatnik.
> 
> ~Me


I could imagine you being a beatnick fas..but you would need to iron your hair..Thats an awful commitment to make!
I am considering becoming an existentialist myself..but i dont care less enough.  (Or something to that effect..because i confused myself)


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear Son:

You are moving out today. I know you resent that I'm making you move, but we simply can't afford to support you anymore. At 19, it's time for you to become independent and you haven't even been making an effort here.

The stories you have told about moving have been conflicting. First you had a UHaul then you "took it back" because you don't need it. Of course, you paid only 1/3 what you would need to go on the trip - so we KNOW that's not true. 

I'm just worried that I won't hear from you again. We know you're lying and can't prove it.

No matter what you think, though, I am going to miss you. I love you and you will always be my son. I'm sad about this, but I didn't know what else to do 

Love,
Mom


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear Mother Nature:

ENOUGH with the ridiculous weather already!!

Signed,
Woman Wearing Layers

____

Dear Winners of Costume Contest:

I have to admit, seeing a man dressed as a breathalyzer with the "blow here" tube over the crotch was quite amusing. The Hulk Hogan costume was very well done also. But really, awarding a "best costume" award to someone not really WEARING much of a costume just because she's a size 2 and is showing off her tits?? come on people, grow up!

Signed,
Annoyed Woman Who Wore A REAL Costume

___

Dear Idiot Dressed As Jim Morrison:

Dude...we all KNOW you cheat on your wife constantly. SHE probably knows it too. But getting drunk at the bar and grabbing the ass of the above-mentioned T&A girl in her so-called Wonder Woman "costume" in front of your wife was beyond stupid. There's something wildly entertaining about watching a 4'10" tall woman in a witch costume kick the ass of her 6'3" drunk asshole husband. You, sir, are a douchecanoe AND an assclown. 

Signed,
Another Bar Patron


----------



## Haunted

Lmao Douchecanoe I love it I found my new insult 

Thanks flutterby


----------



## archivaltype

Dear Sophomores in my department:

You guys are the messiest beings on the earth. Seriously. Learn how to clean up after yourselves cause we aren't kiddies anymore. 
Also...India girl, that was beyond rude. I don't know that girl, and I've only heard bad things about her...but you just don't do things like that. :doh:

Sincerely,
IRRITATED PEER.

----------------

Dear Bakery boy,

You can overcharge me anytime. :wubu:
Sincerely,
Slightly crush-struck.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe

I have finally been brave enough to cut him loose. I wont let him hurt me anymore. Please, will you make this as painless as possible. 

So now,.....I am ready for my delivery and the sooner the better!

Love Kimberly


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Dear paper on philosophy (when I'm not even in a philosophy class),

Write your own damn self!  I certainly don't want to finish writing you and I'm already 75% done! *insert several expletives here*

Signed,
Madison


----------



## quackman

Dear self,

Seriously, get over her already. No, you're not going to find another woman like her - but you're not going to find her again either. And while life without her isn't going to be as good as life with her was, it can still be better than this.

Mine,
Self


----------



## Tooz

Dear Maine (Or, those who voted Yes):

It takes a lot of balls to tell a group of people they are undeserving of marriage. While you celebrate, there are people who are crushed that, yet again they have been denied. You know how you love your husband or wife? These people feel the EXACT SAME WAY. How can you tell them they can't do what you do? How? So far, with the vast majority of precincts reporting, 53% of the voters who turned out decided to vote to overturn gay marriage in Maine. I don't know what motivated it other than severe misguided understanding and possibly ignorant hatred of change, but if I hear one more person talk about how "they were raised a certain way and they want that for their kids," well...I'm going to say something. A man marrying a man or a woman marrying a woman has NO BEARING on how YOUR family is raised. Maine apparently has the highest rate of women who live together of any state. Don't you think you'll be seeing these people out as couples? What does it matter to YOU if they get their unions recognized by the state? It shouldn't.

Takes a lot of balls, Maine. A lot of balls and a lot of bigotry.

Zero love and lots of moving trucks in 2012,

Tooz.

P.S.: Having your five-year-olds hold Yes on 1 signs at the campaign headquarters while the news people were there isn't cute, it's creepy. Don't brainwash your kids.


----------



## mszwebs

Dear Hot Guy in the Red Shirt,

I had a lot of fun talking to you all freakin day yesterday, and especially last night on the phone.

This whole chatting with you experience has been a little surreal, but I'm glad its happening.

~ The Girl You Have Yet To Name


----------



## gypsy

Dear Yeah Yeah Yeahs,

You annoy me.

Signed,

I'm Plugging My Ears


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear DH

I know you enjoy playing the XBox360. Trust me, I know this. But I don't care what anybody says, throwing a hissy fit because a bigger fish ate yours in the game Feeding Frenzy is NOT normal behavior for a 41 year old man. A 12 year old, maybe. But NOT an adult. That means it's time to step away from the controller, turn the damned thing off and GROW UP ALREADY.

Signed,
Irritated Wife Who Wants To Smack The Console With A Hammer


----------



## Wagimawr

Dear Flutterby's DH

Swear lots when shit like that happens. It's much more satisfying than whining. Trust me on this one.

Signed,
22 year old casual gamer.


----------



## Flutterby68

Wagimawr said:


> Dear Flutterby's DH
> 
> Swear lots when shit like that happens. It's much more satisfying than whining. Trust me on this one.
> 
> Signed,
> 22 year old casual gamer.



Dear Wagimawr:

He DOES a lot of swearing, bitching, complaining, whining and even occasional yelling. Honestly, if it were a 12 year old acting that way I'd take the console away and he'd be grounded for a month. 

Signed,
41 year old who HATES video games' effect on supposedly grown men


----------



## Tooz

Flutterby68 said:


> Dear DH
> 
> I know you enjoy playing the XBox360. Trust me, I know this. But I don't care what anybody says, throwing a hissy fit because a bigger fish ate yours in the game Feeding Frenzy is NOT normal behavior for a 41 year old man. A 12 year old, maybe. But NOT an adult. That means it's time to step away from the controller, turn the damned thing off and GROW UP ALREADY.
> 
> Signed,
> Irritated Wife Who Wants To Smack The Console With A Hammer



People who don't game don't get it. Few things are more frustrating than having your hard work quashed in an instant. Try to be patient.


----------



## katorade

Flutterby68 said:


> Dear Wagimawr:
> 
> He DOES a lot of swearing, bitching, complaining, whining and even occasional yelling. Honestly, if it were a 12 year old acting that way I'd take the console away and he'd be grounded for a month.
> 
> Signed,
> 41 year old who HATES video games' effect on supposedly grown men




Another way to look at it would be to think it's perfectly normal behavior for a 40 year-old man. Just replace the gaming console with a television on any given football Sunday.

My response to my dad was always "it doesn't matter how loud you yell at him, Dad, the ref is never going to hear you."


----------



## mossystate

Dear Flutterby, 

Smash the thing! People who game don't get how stressful and irritating they can be.



Me


Come on...somebody had to feel her pain! Gaming would be one thing to have me running for the hills.....ok.....walk.:happy:


----------



## katorade

mossystate said:


> Dear Flutterby,
> 
> Smash the thing! People who game don't get how stressful and irritating they can be.
> 
> 
> 
> Me
> 
> 
> Come on...somebody had to feel her pain! Gaming would be one thing to have me running for the hills.....ok.....walk.:happy:



Oh I definitely agree. One of my biggest stipulations for finding a suitable partner is that he isn't interested in online or console gaming. If I was into it, that would be one thing, but I'm not, and it tends to be an activity that doesn't wane in interest, it just gets more addictive.

Been there, done that, have the break-up and unwanted knowledge of role playing games to prove it.


----------



## Flutterby68

I absolutely LOATHE video games of any kind. However, my DH really hates sports so I don't have to deal with that... but then, I wouldn't deal with it anyway. LOL. 

I am tempted to smash the console but then he'd REALLY whine. LOL


----------



## Surlysomething

Dear life.

Cut me a fucking break.

Thanks.


----------



## thejuicyone

Dear you,

I'm ready for this week to be over with so we can finally talk. I miss you, ya know? 

-Me


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear T:

You know I love you, and try to have your best interests at heart, but your continued refusal to accept the reality of things still bothers me. Although I don't understand all of your spirituality, I respect it, but I don't see the wisdom in ancestors constantly steering you toward shitty men.

You agreed to move him into your home from halfway across the country, never having met him in person. You've been with him 2 months, and in that time you found several XXX text messages on his cell (to other men), which he says his "friend" sent when he was back east; lord knows when my buddies borrow my phone the intent is for them to send naughty texts and leave them behind. You also found a boatload of trannie porn on his computer which he says (in a perfect Pete Townsend accent, I'm sure), that it was 'for research' from 'months back' when he was curious about it. He's gone through a box of condoms that apparently didn't add up to the number of times he's bedded you, spending many hours at 'the gym'. You're giving him a meal ticket that he's going to ride until the bitter end. If he is in the closet, fine, but don't let him drag you along with him which could possibly lead to a permanent social disease. 

I know you won't listen to me, because you are BOTH connected to your spirituality on a level I "just can't comprehend", but so far 2 and 2 are adding up to 5 and I don't want to be the one there to say "I told you so" (and I will this time, because the whole thing stinks like yesterday's diapers).

Please, cut this scrub the fuck loose and move on...preferably to someone you meet in real life and not online. Denial is not just a river in Egypt, and right now I'm seeing it at flood stage.

Sincerely,

The friend who doesn't like your new Springer-esque life


----------



## chublover350

dear ryan aka iDOUCHE,
im tired of hearing about how amazing your iphone is. u tell me the same stories every week, and guess what,???i still dont care. thank you
stop talking find something else to talk about 

ur lovely co-worker

spence


----------



## thejuicyone

chublover350 said:


> dear ryan aka iDOUCHE,
> im tired of hearing about how amazing your iphone is. u tell me the same stories every week, and guess what,???i still dont care. thank you
> stop talking find something else to talk about
> 
> ur lovely co-worker
> 
> spence



Your grammar floors me! 
heartchu.


----------



## chublover350

thejuicyone said:


> Your grammar floors me!
> heartchu.



i does, not car' about DA.... gramiers


----------



## thejuicyone

chublover350 said:


> i does, not car' about DA.... gramiers



Clearly.  How endearing it is.


----------



## supersoup

dear dims,

so. i got the 'you haven't posted in several weeks...' message. i'm sorry. i'm here all the time reading, i just haven't been able to post. you aren't the same dimensions to me right now, and it just makes me...i dunno. not sad, it just feels weird. my family is still here, we are just sort of spectators right now i suppose. 

i will make a much better effort to post more, my beloved fatty board.

--soup


----------



## Wagimawr

dear soup;

Please do. There is ALWAYS something you can say, somewhere, that would be worthwhile to someone. Don't let a few people arguing ruin this experience for you; that's what ignore lists are for! Dims needs all the participation it can get, or it really will be overrun by people who don't give a damn.

Signed,
someone who thinks you're p cool.


----------



## SMA413

Dear George-
I can't keep living our life this way. It feels so stagnant. You need to find a job and if the only real motivation I can really provide is kicking you out of my apartment, then so be it. Telling you all of that today was probably the second hardest thing I've ever done for our relationship. The first hardest thing I've done? Defying my parents by continuing to be with you. I need you to do this for us. Or for me- however you want to look at it. Please just get your butt in gear. I can't keep doing this. 

I love you so much.
- Your Princess


----------



## Jon Blaze

Dear lovely lady that I might be lucky to be with soon,

The only thing that gets me through these 12 hour night shifts is thinking of your pretty face. I can't wait to see you.  :wubu:


----------



## mergirl

Dear sea
You gave me and my dog puck a fright. Please don't do that again. 
Respect. Lisa x


----------



## AuntHen

Dear person who gave birth to me,

You just couldn't make one visit without having to mention my weight could you? I feel so sorry for you! You are so obsessed with my fat. You are the one truly immersed in my fat, not me. I am fat! Your daughter is fat! When you look at me, all you see is fat! Fat fat fat!!! Yes! It is true! I am fat, will probably always be fat, and will shout to the world about it! FAT!!! GET OVER IT!! Don't pretend it's about the health aspect that you worry so much because you ragged on my weight when I was a child/teen and not even fat! Your fat prejudiced is your own problem. Years and years of your stupid fat obsession... I find it ironic that the very thing you feared most about me came true...hahahahahahaha.. serves you right. I am so sick of it. My fat has been more comforting and soft and womanly than anything you ever shared/gave me. FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It must be miserable being you! 

Sincerely,

Your FAT offspring.


----------



## Kbbig

Dear Mary,
I saw you singing along to Fat Bottomed Girls today when my roomie decided to blast it. You are a fat bottomed girl. Now eat something and let yourself go already.

Sincerely,
Big.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Self,

Boy. You Really Fucked up this time, didn't you?
I Hate that your such a heartless bitch sometimes. You just make our existance worse.

I Sincerely Hope you Rot,
You.


----------



## Surlysomething

Dear Me

Quit being so bloody hard on yourself. :happy:


Love,
Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Me-
Its okay to laugh out loud at stupid shit when you are all alone. Don't look around to see if anyone heard. Laugh to your hearts content. 

Much love,
your inner child


----------



## disaster117

Dear mother,

I don't believe that I was ever a part of you. I don't believe you have an ounce of love in your soul. There's nothing there. Honestly, I wish you weren't a part of my life. As soon as I get my shit together, the shit that YOU created, I am going to leave. I am not going to look back. I will talk to dad, because at least he has an excuse as to why he acts the way he does. He listens to YOU. You tell him what to say, what to do, you rule his entire life. Why? Why do you have to be the center of everyone's life. I like to think that I'm not that way. I know that I'm not that way, and I'm okay with that. I'm glad I haven't inherited anything from you, throughout my close to 19 years. Nothing about you is inside of me. Maybe the only thing I can attribute to you is anger, although I go about mine in better ways. I don't think I make other people feel like they're worth no more than dirt on the bottom of my shoe, on a regular basis. Sometimes I slip up, and I show a little bit of you in me, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I can't wait to say that I am rid of you. I cannot wait to say that I am finally reunited with my family, my REAL family. Your brothers and sisters that you wrote off, that you deleted from your life. You cannot delete them from my life. No matter how HARD you fucking try, you will not make me stray from them. They care about me. You don't. The only person you ever have, and ever will care about is yourself. You are the most selfish person that I know, and I'm so done with you. 
Remember when you told so-and-so on the phone (sitting right behind me) that you didn't have a daughter? You probably thought that wouldn't affect me because I was heartless then right? You hated me then, I know it. You said those words on that Easter night and I cried for hours. That was the most influential night of my entire life. It has shaped who I am. I, the one who does not exist in my mother's eyes. I guess I have no mother. 
Look what you've done. You've created a monster. A depressed, crazed, individual with a false sense of security for everyone I meet because of you. You've instilled this sort of anger and fear within me, about people betraying me, people not caring about me, people hating me; like you've said so many times. My trust issues have sprung from you. I hate that, but I can't change it.
Every time I utter the three words of "entitlement" (because you think you own the child that I still am in your head) to you, it's a lie. "I love you" means nothing to me when I say it to you, and only you. It's the only time I've ever lied when I've said that, because I don't like to throw the word "love" around lightly. It means something to me, and you mean a whopping nothing to me. Even though I may not technically believe in heaven/hell, I hope you burn. 

-"Love", your disillusioned "daughter". 

P.S. Thanks for making me a better person through your shitty "parenting", personality, and behavior throughout my life. :bow:


----------



## Surlysomething

disaster117 said:


> Dear mother,
> 
> I don't believe that I was ever a part of you. I don't believe you have an ounce of love in your soul. There's nothing there. Honestly, I wish you weren't a part of my life. As soon as I get my shit together, the shit that YOU created, I am going to leave. I am not going to look back. I will talk to dad, because at least he has an excuse as to why he acts the way he does. He listens to YOU. You tell him what to say, what to do, you rule his entire life. Why? Why do you have to be the center of everyone's life. I like to think that I'm not that way. I know that I'm not that way, and I'm okay with that. I'm glad I haven't inherited anything from you, throughout my close to 19 years. Nothing about you is inside of me. Maybe the only thing I can attribute to you is anger, although I go about mine in better ways. I don't think I make other people feel like they're worth no more than dirt on the bottom of my shoe, on a regular basis. Sometimes I slip up, and I show a little bit of you in me, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I can't wait to say that I am rid of you. I cannot wait to say that I am finally reunited with my family, my REAL family. Your brothers and sisters that you wrote off, that you deleted from your life. You cannot delete them from my life. No matter how HARD you fucking try, you will not make me stray from them. They care about me. You don't. The only person you ever have, and ever will care about is yourself. You are the most selfish person that I know, and I'm so done with you.
> Remember when you told so-and-so on the phone (sitting right behind me) that you didn't have a daughter? You probably thought that wouldn't affect me because I was heartless then right? You hated me then, I know it. You said those words on that Easter night and I cried for hours. That was the most influential night of my entire life. It has shaped who I am. I, the one who does not exist in my mother's eyes. I guess I have no mother.
> Look what you've done. You've created a monster. A depressed, crazed, individual with a false sense of security for everyone I meet because of you. You've instilled this sort of anger and fear within me, about people betraying me, people not caring about me, people hating me; like you've said so many times. My trust issues have sprung from you. I hate that, but I can't change it.
> Every time I utter the three words of "entitlement" (because you think you own the child that I still am in your head) to you, it's a lie. "I love you" means nothing to me when I say it to you, and only you. It's the only time I've ever lied when I've said that, because I don't like to throw the word "love" around lightly. It means something to me, and you mean a whopping nothing to me. Even though I may not technically believe in heaven/hell, I hope you burn.
> 
> -"Love", your disillusioned "daughter".
> 
> P.S. Thanks for making me a better person through your shitty "parenting", personality, and behavior throughout my life. :bow:



I feel you on this. I wonder where the hell I came from too most of the time.

Once you get your own place and freedom it will be a lot better, trust me.


----------



## disaster117

Surlysomething said:


> I feel you on this. I wonder where the hell I came from too most of the time.
> 
> Once you get your own place and freedom it will be a lot better, trust me.



Thanks.. I'm hoping. That's all that I want in life, lol. My own place, away from her. Mostly just being away from her. Don't really care if it's my own place or not.


----------



## mossystate

disaster117 said:


> Thanks.. I'm hoping. That's all that I want in life, lol. My own place, away from her. Mostly just being away from her. Don't really care if it's my own place or not.



Sounds like you be able to get a little breathing room! Just remember, your dad is also an adult. You might find feelings coming to the surface, once you are on your own, and the one person you thought had an excuse...really didn't. Just prepare yourself...and enjoy your new life.


----------



## fatgirlflyin

Union leadership, 

You have encouraged people to vote no on the contract extension but when asked why you encouraged a different work group to vote yes on the exact same contract, you ignore the question. I hope that you understand your silence is doing a lot of damage and is making people think that you are hiding something. I know that I personally have been wondering for a very long time if you were concerned with the job security of the people you represent, or if you were concerned with yourselves. Time to answer the questions being asked...

Signed, 
Tired of paying union dues


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

mossystate said:


> Sounds like you be able to get a little breathing room! Just remember, your dad is also an adult. You might find feelings coming to the surface, once you are on your own, and the one person you thought had an excuse...really didn't. Just prepare yourself...and enjoy your new life.




I had that experience.....I was in my thirties when I realized how much I blamed my mother for....but had let Dad off the hook so often simply because he wasn't there. 
He.wasn't.there. Enough said.......

My mother is still evil incarnate though......

Sorry you're having such a hard time with your Mom, Disaster. I think you have the right idea about "time apart" and needing room to breath.


----------



## Miss Vickie

katorade said:


> Oh I definitely agree. One of my biggest stipulations for finding a suitable partner is that he isn't interested in online or console gaming. If I was into it, that would be one thing, but I'm not, and it tends to be an activity that doesn't wane in interest, it just gets more addictive.
> 
> Been there, done that, have the break-up and unwanted knowledge of role playing games to prove it.



Yes. This. Oh my God yes. And I say that as someone who plays PC, console and tabletop games. However, I have this... this ....this thing. It's called... wait for it... wait for it.... oh yeah... a LIFE! And therefore I don't actually game very often, which is probably a good thing since I've watch it encompass people I love. I guess I should be thankful that my parents instilled that whole puritan work ethic thing, so I can't/won't/refuse to play games unless my work is done. And since I'm a wife and mother, that's pretty much, well, never.  

You have made a good choice, Katorade. 

_Okay, my series of letters to moms, daughters, and inlaws:_

Dear Moms who are f'ing up their daughters by being asshats,

You deserve to have your mommy card taken away. Do you have any idea how totally huge and awesome the responsibility of motherhood is? Do you know how your child's self esteem (even as an adult) is so strongly dependent on how you see them and what you tell them about themselves? Let the rest of the world criticize and critique -- you are to be the soft, strong arms, the safety net that they need in order to feel safe enough to fly.

So cut it out, okay? Support these amazing women you call daughters and be glad they're speaking to you.

I mean it,

The Momster

_OTOH.....
_
Dear Daughters,

Please remember that your moms are only human and probably had crappy mothers who taught them crappy parenting skills. If you can, cut them a break, give them some love, but set your boundaries.

My mother -- as awful as she was -- died when I was 12 and I would've rather had her than what I had, which was a whole lotta nuthin'.

Love,

Momless in Alaska


_And finally...._

Dear Inlaws,

There's a reason your son wants nothing to do with you. We've tried so many times to love you. Why must you make it so hard? And why must the only communication I receive from you be in the form of email chain letters. Is that really the best you've got? Nothing in response to the fact that your granddaughter is going to art school? That your grandson is at Brown, studying economics? Nothing in response to the pictures?? Really??? 

Oy. Your behavior explains a lot about the man I share my life with. Seriously.

Love you (or trying to),

The rude, disrespectful and condescending daughter in law


----------



## disaster117

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I had that experience.....I was in my thirties when I realized how much I blamed my mother for....but had let Dad off the hook so often simply because he wasn't there.
> He.wasn't.there. Enough said.......
> 
> My mother is still evil incarnate though......
> 
> Sorry you're having such a hard time with your Mom, Disaster. I think you have the right idea about "time apart" and needing room to breath.



What's your mom's phone number? I'll have my mom call her new partner in crime. 

That's the thing, I'd be less angry at my dad if he wasn't here. Honestly, (in my case and my opinion, certainly not everyone's situation) I think it's worse that he's here, observing as all of this is happening, not doing a damn thing about it. Encouraging it by staying with my mom right by her side, happily (as if everything is okay?). Ugh. 

Thanks, it helps knowing there are people out there who have went through similar, even worse situations, and have come out okay. Keeps me hopeful.


----------



## Surlysomething

Miss Vickie said:


> Yes. This. Oh my God yes. And I say that as someone who plays PC, console and tabletop games. However, I have this... this ....this thing. It's called... wait for it... wait for it.... oh yeah... a LIFE! And therefore I don't actually game very often, which is probably a good thing since I've watch it encompass people I love. I guess I should be thankful that my parents instilled that whole puritan work ethic thing, so I can't/won't/refuse to play games unless my work is done. And since I'm a wife and mother, that's pretty much, well, never.
> 
> You have made a good choice, Katorade.
> 
> _Okay, my series of letters to moms, daughters, and inlaws:_
> 
> Dear Moms who are f'ing up their daughters by being asshats,
> 
> You deserve to have your mommy card taken away. Do you have any idea how totally huge and awesome the responsibility of motherhood is? Do you know how your child's self esteem (even as an adult) is so strongly dependent on how you see them and what you tell them about themselves? Let the rest of the world criticize and critique -- you are to be the soft, strong arms, the safety net that they need in order to feel safe enough to fly.
> 
> So cut it out, okay? Support these amazing women you call daughters and be glad they're speaking to you.
> 
> I mean it,
> 
> The Momster
> 
> _OTOH.....
> _
> Dear Daughters,
> 
> Please remember that your moms are only human and probably had crappy mothers who taught them crappy parenting skills. If you can, cut them a break, give them some love, but set your boundaries.
> 
> My mother -- as awful as she was -- died when I was 12 and I would've rather had her than what I had, which was a whole lotta nuthin'.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Momless in Alaska
> 
> 
> _And finally...._
> 
> Dear Inlaws,
> 
> There's a reason your son wants nothing to do with you. We've tried so many times to love you. Why must you make it so hard? And why must the only communication I receive from you be in the form of email chain letters. Is that really the best you've got? Nothing in response to the fact that your granddaughter is going to art school? That your grandson is at Brown, studying economics? Nothing in response to the pictures?? Really???
> 
> Oy. Your behavior explains a lot about the man I share my life with. Seriously.
> 
> Love you (or trying to),
> 
> The rude, disrespectful and condescending daughter in law



Congrats on having some awesome kids, lady!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dead Scammers on dating sites who use the following fill in the blank template format to try to suck INNOCENT PEOPLE in...
"Hello pretty, I am singel man/woman from ghana/nigeria/tunisia/ NYC/ everywhere. I lost my family/kids/wife/husband/loved one in a car accident and I try to raise them alone. I want to love you. My heart sings if I looks at your pics, I cant stand to be apart from you. God has sent you to me, my angel...blah blah blah blah blah...wont you send me your yahoo ID so I can convince you to send me money and/or strange packages (which I have bought by someone's stolen credit card number) for you to forward to my family and friends, thus implicating you in a fraud theft/drug mule ring?? Please?"

_YOU SUCKS AND I HOPE YOUR BALLS SHRIVEL UP AND FALL OFF!!!_


----------



## Mini

Dear Mini!,

Demons do not exist. Go to bed when you get home, you big pussy.

Sincerely,

- Mini!


----------



## AuntHen

Miss Vickie said:


> Yes. This. Oh my God yes. And I say that as someone who plays PC, console and tabletop games. However, I have this... this ....this thing. It's called... wait for it... wait for it.... oh yeah... a LIFE! And therefore I don't actually game very often, which is probably a good thing since I've watch it encompass people I love. I guess I should be thankful that my parents instilled that whole puritan work ethic thing, so I can't/won't/refuse to play games unless my work is done. And since I'm a wife and mother, that's pretty much, well, never.
> 
> You have made a good choice, Katorade.
> 
> _Okay, my series of letters to moms, daughters, and inlaws:_
> 
> Dear Moms who are f'ing up their daughters by being asshats,
> 
> You deserve to have your mommy card taken away. Do you have any idea how totally huge and awesome the responsibility of motherhood is? Do you know how your child's self esteem (even as an adult) is so strongly dependent on how you see them and what you tell them about themselves? Let the rest of the world criticize and critique -- you are to be the soft, strong arms, the safety net that they need in order to feel safe enough to fly.
> 
> So cut it out, okay? Support these amazing women you call daughters and be glad they're speaking to you.
> 
> I mean it,
> 
> The Momster
> 
> _OTOH.....
> _
> Dear Daughters,
> 
> Please remember that your moms are only human and probably had crappy mothers who taught them crappy parenting skills. If you can, cut them a break, give them some love, but set your boundaries.
> 
> My mother -- as awful as she was -- died when I was 12 and I would've rather had her than what I had, which was a whole lotta nuthin'.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Momless in Alaska
> 
> 
> _And finally...._
> 
> Dear Inlaws,
> 
> There's a reason your son wants nothing to do with you. We've tried so many times to love you. Why must you make it so hard? And why must the only communication I receive from you be in the form of email chain letters. Is that really the best you've got? Nothing in response to the fact that your granddaughter is going to art school? That your grandson is at Brown, studying economics? Nothing in response to the pictures?? Really???
> 
> Oy. Your behavior explains a lot about the man I share my life with. Seriously.
> 
> Love you (or trying to),
> 
> The rude, disrespectful and condescending daughter in law




My Mom had a wonderful mother and she was the best grandma anyone could ever ask for too (miss her). She loved everyone soooo unconditionally... one of those ones who practiced what she preached, so what happened to my Mom is a mystery to us all. My aunts (her sisters) while not perfect are loving caring Moms like their Mom was!


----------



## mszwebs

Dear QueenB.

Your man makes me laugh.

I told him I loved him for just a second cause I laughed out loud. Don't be mad, K?

Lets have drinks 

Love,

ME


----------



## QueenB

hahaha. i'm not even mad. let's get wasted.


----------



## thejuicyone

Dear heart and stomach,

I hate and love this feeling too much.

Buck up,
me.


----------



## mulrooney13

Dear Forums,

I'm back.

Sincerely,
Nathan


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Nathan, 

Welcome Back 

Moi


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear illness,

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don't have much of an immune system, so I can't fight you off. I literally feel about as weak as a newborn kitten, and breathing is difficult. I do not have medical insurance, or an income to allow me to go to the doctor. Thanksgiving is only a few days away. PLEASE go away so I can enjoy spending time with all my kids in the same place for the first time in several years. Please.

Kthxbye.
Anna


----------



## mulrooney13

Dear GEF,

Thanks very much! How's life? You work at a dentist's office right? How's that going?

Sincerely,
Still Nathan


----------



## mossystate

Dear television stations, 

Did you know that hunger is experienced 365 days a year? I swear! I have heard that poor people can't just store holiday foods in their cheeks, to use through the year. 


A viewer


----------



## Famouslastwords

mossystate said:


> Dear television stations,
> 
> Did you know that hunger is experienced 365 days a year? I swear! I have heard that poor people can't just store holiday foods in their cheeks, to use through the year.
> 
> 
> A viewer



Mossy,

Wow! All this time I thought poor people and squirrels had something in common. DAMN YOU MEDIA! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Signed,

Always donates regardless of the time of year.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear person with the HUGE ego,

You are getting on my nerves and I think others are tuned into how much you LOVE yourself too. Every subject does not require a response about how awesome and wonderful you are and insults cleverly disguised as advice. I wonder if your head can fit through the door. I am biting my tongue everytime you make a comment!!!!!! urghhhh Get over yourself!! Do you actually listen or just wait for your turn to speak?

Sincerely,

Sick to death of your narcissism!! :doh:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

mulrooney13 said:


> Dear GEF,
> 
> Thanks very much! How's life? You work at a dentist's office right? How's that going?
> 
> Sincerely,
> Still Nathan



Going okay- it's a good job. Just worried about weathering through the changes after this new digital conversion is completed. They probably won't be needing so many of us since some of the work has been eliminated.....and I don't speak Espanol.....:doh:

Time will tell.......I might try to go back to school if a lay off appears in the midst......


----------



## Aust99

Dear student reports..... 

Why have you taken up so much of my weekend?? Seriously, my butt is sore from sitting at the computer for so long. I will be glad to see the back of you after editing and printing. Enjoy the summer break and see you next year. 

Sincerely,
Tired Teacher.


----------



## Paquito

Dear DIMS,

I missed you oh so much. Papi's coming home soon, don't worry .





Dear Dell,

Please fix my laptop soon. I need mah interwebz.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe

It takes a LOT to push my buttons, but come on! She is driving me bananas, all I want to do is to tell her to wake up to herself (I am not the only one either). And yes, I get annoyed by "woe is me" dramatic exits, but I wont mind if you think of giving her a little shove for me....pretty please.

Love Kimberly


----------



## snuggletiger

Hello Great Whatever.
Why is it all my exes tell me "all you have to offer a partner is yourself" and yet when I do that I end up single?

thanks 
Me the happy homeowner


----------



## Dmitra

Dear Universe Thingy,

It's not your fault at all but it'd be nice if it was so I'd feel better complaining about whathaveyous and whatnots. 

And thank you Dims doohickey that says I've been in uberlurk mode again! Hadn't meant to have compu-problems and fade away entirely after that.

Namaste,
Q


----------



## littlefairywren

fat9276 said:


> Dear person with the HUGE ego,
> 
> You are getting on my nerves and I think others are tuned into how much you LOVE yourself too. Every subject does not require a response about how awesome and wonderful you are and insults cleverly disguised as advice. I wonder if your head can fit through the door. I am biting my tongue everytime you make a comment!!!!!! urghhhh Get over yourself!! Do you actually listen or just wait for your turn to speak?
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Sick to death of your narcissism!! :doh:



I love you....lol! The stress is going to give me a nose-bleed very shortly


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Self....

Is that compulsive overeating going on again? You don't really want to think too deeply about it, do you? That alone signifies a problem, eh?

Stop being so quick to blame him for your hang-ups and truckload of fear. The problem might not actually be him....this time.


Funny how all this shit and over-analyzing is like deja vu though.......:doh:


Make your mind up- don't fuck with him because you don't know what to do with a nice guy........

Yeah.....you deserve one. You have my permission.......and yeah again....you are good enough.


Moi



P.S. You're a real fucking smooth operator to switch from the food to alcohol.


----------



## Rowan

Dear sweet wonderful brain,

I love you. really, I do. You are a fantastic, smart, amazing brain. Now, please do not disappoint me and please get in gear and get these last few things done for Multimedia Authoring and then couple of tweaks done for that last C++ program, do them well and we'll keep our A's in our classes this semester and we'll be in the clear.

You can do it. I believe in you. I love you.

-me


----------



## CleverBomb

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Self....
> 
> *Is that compulsive overeating going on again? You don't really want to think too deeply about it, do you? *That alone signifies a problem, eh?
> 
> Stop being so quick to blame him for your *hang-ups and truckload of fear*. The problem might not actually be him....this time.
> 
> 
> Funny how all this shit and over-analyzing is like deja vu though.......:doh:
> 
> 
> Make your mind up- don't fuck with him because you don't know what to do with a nice guy........
> 
> Yeah.....you deserve one. You have my permission.......and yeah again....you are good enough.
> 
> 
> Moi
> 
> 
> 
> P.S. You're a real fucking smooth operator *to switch* from the food *to alcohol.*



I have no knowledge of your situation, but the bolded parts of your statement appear to indicate something's slightly amiss -- particularly the bit about alcohol.

Wishing you the best, as always... you do deserve it. 
And you will work this out. 

-Rusty


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

CleverBomb said:


> I have no knowledge of your situation, but the bolded parts of your statement appear to indicate something's slightly amiss -- particularly the bit about alcohol.
> 
> Wishing you the best, as always... you do deserve it.
> And you will work this out.
> 
> -Rusty



Thank you Rusty 

I am feeling much better today and more in control. Just being stupid and dramatic over trying something different again....just fear that different is actually the same old shit


----------



## CleverBomb

Apologies for the delayed response, but I'm glad you're feeling more with-it. 


Again, best wishes.

-Rusty


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear DH:

Okay, I get it. You're not sexually attracted to me anymore. You've made that ABUNDANTLY clear. Not by saying so, but by not being even remotely interested in having sex with me, or even any kind of physical contact. You don't even hug me anymore, let alone kiss me. Fine. It's been several weeks of this and I've had enough.

If you don't want me anymore, then LET ME GO SO I CAN FIND SOMEONE WHO DOES.

Signed,
Seriously PISSED OFF WIFE


----------



## AuntHen

Dear really hot red-haired grocery bagger boy,

Why are you so young? I am young at heart, but I doubt your parents would appreciate that. Why are so many boys in your young 20ish generation so darn fine??!! You are all killing me! Please hurry up and get older and/or do you like women in their early 30's? :blush:

Sincerely,

The long haired fat lady who loves to oggle you when she buys groceries!


----------



## AuntHen

Flutterby68 said:


> Dear DH:
> 
> Okay, I get it. You're not sexually attracted to me anymore. You've made that ABUNDANTLY clear. Not by saying so, but by not being even remotely interested in having sex with me, or even any kind of physical contact. You don't even hug me anymore, let alone kiss me. Fine. It's been several weeks of this and I've had enough.
> 
> If you don't want me anymore, then LET ME GO SO I CAN FIND SOMEONE WHO DOES.
> 
> Signed,
> Seriously PISSED OFF WIFE



Dear Flutterby's DH,

You are going to regret it, if you do not get a clue!!!:doh:


Sincerely,

A supporter to your pissed off wife!


----------



## Blackjack

fat9276 said:


> or do you like women in their early 30's? :blush:



As a member of the early-20's generation, I'm willing to propose a very possible yes on this one.


----------



## Famouslastwords

Flutterby68 said:


> Dear DH:
> 
> Okay, I get it. You're not sexually attracted to me anymore. You've made that ABUNDANTLY clear. Not by saying so, but by not being even remotely interested in having sex with me, or even any kind of physical contact. You don't even hug me anymore, let alone kiss me. Fine. It's been several weeks of this and I've had enough.
> 
> If you don't want me anymore, then LET ME GO SO I CAN FIND SOMEONE WHO DOES.
> 
> Signed,
> Seriously PISSED OFF WIFE



Oh Girl, kick his ass (or just break his video game!)



fat9276 said:


> Dear really hot red-haired grocery bagger boy,
> 
> Why are you so young? I am young at heart, but I doubt your parents would appreciate that. Why are so many boys in your young 20ish generation so darn fine??!! You are all killing me! Please hurry up and get older and/or do you like women in their early 30's? :blush:
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> The long haired fat lady who loves to oggle you when she buys groceries!





Blackjack said:


> As a member of the early-20's generation, I'm willing to propose a very possible yes on this one.



If he's any younger though it's creepy, I accidentally went out with a guy when I was 19 who was 33 and I was like whoops, and he turned out to be a total psychopath who groped me at every chance he had when we were at work together.

JUST SAYIN'


----------



## mszwebs

Famouslastwords said:


> If he's any younger though it's creepy, I accidentally went out with a guy when I was 19 who was 33 and I was like whoops, and he turned out to be a total psychopath who groped me at every chance he had when we were at work together.
> 
> JUST SAYIN'



Oddly enough, I had the exact opposite happen. When I was 27, I accidentally hooked up with an 18 year old (whoops ) and HE was the one who groped ME every chance he got.

Basically I'm just saying that yeah, at that age, the gap was a little wide. But I doubt that he groped you because he was 33. He more likely because of the psychopath part...and that would have happened at any age.


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear DH

Thanks for the sex last night. However, please keep in mind that poking a finger at me to see if things are wet enough, then shoving in is NOT good technique. It takes more to warm me up and get me off than a quick poke. Foreplay is helpful. You haven't kissed me in weeks. WTF?? 2 years ago, you couldn't get enough of kissing and touching me, and now you can't be bothered. I suspect you only went for sex the other night just to shut me up. NOT good enough.

Signed,
Disgusted Wife


----------



## Crystal

Dear Gallbladder,

Look, I know you're ready to come out. I'm ready for you to come out, too. I know it's been since August since we were hospitalized, but we had no choice but to wait until Christmas break for surgery. I simply couldn't miss school.

But now, you won't let me eat ANYTHING without giving me an attack. First, I had to stay away from fatty foods until December and now, any food at all is giving me problems. Can you please just give me a break for another 10 days until my surgery? Your current attack has lasted for a total of 13 hours and is still going.

PS. I'd like to be able to eat something, anything, without causing a gallbladder attack. Is that okay with you?

Your sickly owner,
Crystal


----------



## Proner

Dear body,

Stop messin with my head! It's like you play the remake of the " Prise de la Bastille" and I have the felling my poor head will blow up at any moment.
So be nice and when Aspirin soldiers come just surrender please...


Dear hurry woman,

It's ok you don't said me "thanks" after I blocked the tramway's door to allow you to come in, just a few people said it so I don't really expect it. 
But when you walk on someone's foot you could at least say "sorry", they are just few words but so much important.
This is this kind of attitude which sometimes gave me the idea to stop being the nice guy...

Nine toes Proner 


Dear writing project,

Sorry for leaving you these days, I'm super busy but when i will have more free time I will work on you it's a promise


----------



## Crystal

CrystalUT11 said:


> Dear Gallbladder,
> 
> Look, I know you're ready to come out. I'm ready for you to come out, too. I know it's been since August since we were hospitalized, but we had no choice but to wait until Christmas break for surgery. I simply couldn't miss school.
> 
> But now, you won't let me eat ANYTHING without giving me an attack. First, I had to stay away from fatty foods until December and now, any food at all is giving me problems. Can you please just give me a break for another 10 days until my surgery? Your current attack has lasted for a total of 13 hours and is still going.
> 
> PS. I'd like to be able to eat something, anything, without causing a gallbladder attack. Is that okay with you?
> 
> Your sickly owner,
> Crystal



Correction: Make that 16 hours now. 

Someone just shoot me and put me out of my misery. Bluh.


----------



## Famouslastwords

CrystalUT11 said:


> Correction: Make that 16 hours now.
> 
> Someone just shoot me and put me out of my misery. Bluh.




Go to the hospital, sometimes they'll move you into a more immediate surgery if you're in unbearable pain and can't stop vomiting. Do you vomit every time you eat something? If so, go to the ER and tell them that. They may move your surgery up hun.


----------



## mergirl

Flutterby68 said:


> Dear DH
> 
> Thanks for the sex last night. However, please keep in mind that poking a finger at me to see if things are wet enough, then shoving in is NOT good technique. It takes more to warm me up and get me off than a quick poke. Foreplay is helpful. You haven't kissed me in weeks. WTF?? 2 years ago, you couldn't get enough of kissing and touching me, and now you can't be bothered. I suspect you only went for sex the other night just to shut me up. NOT good enough.
> 
> Signed,
> Disgusted Wife


oh dear. Not so good. Maby you need to actually tell him that this is not good enough for you because that sounds horrible.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear snow,

Go away. Come again another day.

Thanks,
Scared fat girl who is about to drive in unfamiliar territory!


----------



## Flutterby68

mergirl said:


> oh dear. Not so good. Maby you need to actually tell him that this is not good enough for you because that sounds horrible.



I have told him. Nothing changes


----------



## mergirl

Flutterby68 said:


> I have told him. Nothing changes


Maby you need to weigh up the bad and good. You are the only one who is in a position to make any decisions about your relationship but if he makes you unhappy more than he makes you happy then maby thats a relationship you would be better off without. Especially as you say he won't listen to what you want or need.


----------



## TraciJo67

mergirl said:


> Maby you need to weigh up the bad and good. You are the only one who is in a position to make any decisions about your relationship but if he makes you unhappy more than he makes you happy then maby thats a relationship you would be better off without. Especially as you say he won't listen to what you want or need.



I agree with this, Mer. 

Flutterby, I can literally feel the pain between the words in what you've written. It doesn't sound that you have much of a relationship. Of course you're hurting. 

I'm not suggesting anything drastic; I don't know you and your husband well enough to do that (nor would I be in a position to give any kind of professional advise anyway). Clearly though, you need to be having some in-depth discussions with your husband. I know that you've mentioned that you have told him some things; I'm wondering, though, if you've made it clear to him just how much you are suffering. He may be hearing only the anger, not the hurt, and he may be feeling very defensive about that. Something needs to change, that much is obvious. You know better than any of us, just how motivated you and your husband are towards making changes. 

Even if he won't go to counseling ... even if he's 100% unmotivated ... one suggestion that I can in good conscience make is that you consider counseling for yourself. You are clearly very unhappy, and you deserve better. Maybe you need to hear that from someone other than a stranger on the internet.


----------



## mossystate

Flutteryby...one thing you can do right now?...you roll from under...hop off...whatever...when he pokes you with a finger to see if you are wet. Really. You have control over that aspect of your life...not his life....yours. I understand that it might feel that you are at least getting the tiniest bit of affection, but you are prolonging the agony for yourself. I agree with Traci...do for yourself.


----------



## quackman

Dear driver honking at me at 4th and Huron,

I appreciate your input into my driving. After giving it all due consideration, I still opted not to broadside the cop car blocking the intersection. I hope that didn't throw your night off too much.

Not-so-sincerely,
The beige sedan


----------



## Crystal

Famouslastwords said:


> Go to the hospital, sometimes they'll move you into a more immediate surgery if you're in unbearable pain and can't stop vomiting. Do you vomit every time you eat something? If so, go to the ER and tell them that. They may move your surgery up hun.



I can't move up my surgery.  Not because they won't, but because this is hell week at UT (also known as Finals Week.) I cannot have surgery during finals. 

I haven't vomitted yet, though. It finally went away sometime today. I hope I won't have too many more before next Thursday.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Co-Worker,

Sometimes you are a mega, bonafide, GRADE A B****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
I sooo wanted to punch you in the face today. All I can say to you right now is f*** you and the broom you flew in on!


Sincerely,

Your Sick to Death of You Co-Worker


----------



## comaseason

Dear Painting/Carpeting Crew,

I understand you will be on our floor repainting and putting down new carpet. Understand this: if your grubby hands defile my Magic 8-Ball, Napoleon Dynamite statue, Airzooka or the emergency Tootsie Pop in my pen cup - I will defile you, and not in a fun way.

I know how your filthy little minds work. You have been warned.

Thanks and have a pleasant weekend. And feel free to help yourself to the crappy "guest" candy we keep in the cube across the hall - take as many dum dums and horrid little strawberry candies as you want.

Sincerely,
Cube Dweller on the 3rd floor SW corner


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear Little Black Kitty

You are so cute, and I love you. I understand that you bite because you want to play, and although that is irritating, it's also endearing. But please, trying to play Smackdown with the other kitty at 4:00 a.m. is bad enough, trying to do so between my feet while I attempt to sleep is MUCH worse. Please cut it out.

Love,
Me


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/God whoever...

Please let him be ok, let him be safe. If you take him from me, I wont be able to breath anymore. Please....

Love Kimberly


----------



## AuntHen

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe/God whoever...
> 
> Please let him be ok, let him be safe. If you take him from me, I wont be able to breath anymore. Please....
> 
> Love Kimberly




<hugs> for whatever is going on!:wubu:


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear You.
I love ya, but you frustrate the hell out of me. You've got wonderful potential to be a fantastic person, if only you would see it. This constant petty bullshit that you pull all the time is really getting on my nerves. I've told you...but you keep doing it. Why? 
OMG please just stop the crap. Its annoying, frustrating and demeaning. 


Love, Me.


----------



## quackman

Dear soccer teammates,

Yes, I think that the waitress is really attractive, and yes, as pathetic as it is, it's just about the highlight of my week when she comes over and flirts with me. But she does this with any number of her regulars, and I know full well that she likes my tips, not me. And as long as I keep paying with my credit card and she keeps not bothering to learn my name I will continue to not ask her out. 

Sincerely,
A Blind Squirrel who hasn't found his nut.

P.S. Thanks for saying otherwise. It's nice to have somebody try to convince me that I'm not repulsive.


----------



## Weeze

Dear Dad.
I'm fat. I'm also attracted to people regardless of their gender. It doesn't change the fact that I have all A's, or I'm working two jobs while doing it though, does it? 
I just want to go back to how things were BEFORE I hit puberty, got big and became... how I am; I really do. However, I'm not going anywhere, and neither is my size or my sexuality or my voice. So you're going to have to get over it, or you're not going to have two daughters anymore.


----------



## cinnamitch

Dear God,
Thank you for making me a GRANDMOTHER. The grandbaby goes back to mommy and daddy tomorrow.. Now i remember why i was glad i didn't have more babies. 4 days of a 4 month old is not as much fun as it was when i was 22.:happy:


----------



## littlefairywren

fat9276 said:


> <hugs> for whatever is going on!:wubu:



Thanks you lovely girl, from the bottom of my heart


----------



## Victim

Z., quit being so immature. This stupid 'election' is fracturing the whole community. Just stick around and tough it out. Looks like you're going to win anyway. If you take off, we'll just have to go through all the bullshit again. That being said, it was REALLY awesome to actually meet up with you and the others.

If you only knew what I have planned for us. That's right, I did say US. I'm one of you, I've just been denying it. The support I've got from my wife has been surprisingly positive. 20+ years and the blessings I receive from her just keep getting more numerous.


----------



## Proner

Dear BrownEyedChica,

Happy birthday! Hope you will have a wondeful day


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear Ladies in Purchasing, 

I know your world there amid nothing but forms and figures and ledgers must be difficult, but really, is it necessary to be so completely devoid of warmth? You know that normally I'm pretty meticulous when it comes to my requisitions - my buyer can and has bragged on me to you. So why is it that when I make one minor mistake, you alert the death squad (ie your supervisor and mine) and punish me by making me go back and do the entire requisition again? Is it so hard to pick up a phone or shoot a quick email and say "Hey, you missed this...could you fix it for me??" 

Thanks for your part in making the workplace what it is. 

Frustrated Co-Worker

_________________________________________

Dear Recent Ex, 

No back-peddling. What's done is done...stop trying to go against the stream. We're not strong enough anymore. 

Signed, 

Done.


----------



## Ruffie

Dear you

You tried to put one over on me and I caught you in the act. Now your mad cause you got challenged on what you tried to do and didn't get what you want. DEAL WITH IT BITCH!


----------



## Proner

Dear shortboard,

I know you feel alone, I'm not often here for you these days because of my past back injuries and you know I can't be with you as much as I would. 
But I swear you that soon I will carry you in my arms, running on the beach 

Proner


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Mum,

I know you spend your days with 7 yr olds and that can be pretty frustrating. I also know that dad is lazy and gets on both our nerves. It is REALLY FUCKING DEPRESSING, however, to come home and be your sounding board while you complain about everything. It's all you fucking do. If your life is so awful, change bits of it. But stop coming into my room/lingering over my shoulder/following me into the bathroom to moan at me about the same things over and over and over again. It's really bringing me down, but i'm not about to get into a "my life is worse than yours"-off. 

Your rapidly-approaching-the-end-of-her-tether daughter x

__________________________________________________________________________

Dear Boy,

I understand that you are drowning in work (always) and that your best friend insists on phoning you 20 times a day with all her drama. I know both these things upset you, so i am really trying to be a bit of light relief amidst all the heavy stuff. Please let me in and stop retreating into yourself. Please find time to text me back. Please let me visit on Sunday - that'll be nearly 2 weeks since we last got together properly. I want to be there for you.

<3 your delicious secret office romancee x


----------



## BrownEyedChica

Dear wireless modem thing,

I hope you know that you suck! I had three letters and when I went to submit.... you just totally fucked up everything I had wrote! 

Sincerely,
tired of typing this over again eli


----------



## BrownEyedChica

Proner said:


> Dear BrownEyedChica,
> 
> Happy birthday! Hope you will have a wondeful day



Dear Proner, 

Thank you for the birthday wishes. You are such a sweetie  

Love, 

BEC


----------



## Crystal

Dear Gallbladder,

Friday is almost here. They're taking you out in three days. Please, please last me until then. I know you can do it!

Sincerely,
Your frustrated owner


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear McDonalds bathrooms (both male and female),

I'm sorry my boyfriend and I defiled you tonight. Something about that big salad bar hit us the wrong way as we were driving from the Christmas tree lot and you were sitting there, the closest bathroom beacon of heavenly light. I was determined to hold it until we got home, but unbeknownst to me my boyfriend had to hover over the toilet in the men's bathroom because there were no toilet seat covers (and he even admitted he couldn't hold it long enough if there had been any) and gotten shit all over the toilet, behind the toilet, all over his ass and GOD KNOWS where else. Oh dearest Mcdonalds bathrooms, I tried to hold it in while he was cleaning all that up with that low grade quality toilet paper that's as thick as the tissues I have at home but as you well know, some things just aren't meant to be. So yes, while I didn't quite have the mess problems that my boyfriend did, thank GOD, I did defile you too, and for that, I am sorry. I tried to convince my boyfriend it might be a good idea to purchase something from your establishment, to ease the blow of our combined stink, but he said we should just leave. I'm just glad all seven of my seat covers, the 20 yards of tp I used and that load of....well shit...went down in one flush. I can't say the same for my boyfriend...who had to flush four times...but anyway. Anyway, McDonalds bathrooms, I'm sorry to report to you that despite your assistance in my time of need, due to the fact that there was piss on the toilet seat before I began, I still hate public restrooms. I can only imagine the amount of germs in the men's restroom right now. 

Gratefully,

FLW


----------



## mergirl

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear McDonalds bathrooms (both male and female),
> 
> I'm sorry my boyfriend and I defiled you tonight. Something about that big salad bar hit us the wrong way as we were driving from the Christmas tree lot and you were sitting there, the closest bathroom beacon of heavenly light. I was determined to hold it until we got home, but unbeknownst to me my boyfriend had to hover over the toilet in the men's bathroom because there were no toilet seat covers (and he even admitted he couldn't hold it long enough if there had been any) and gotten shit all over the toilet, behind the toilet, all over his ass and GOD KNOWS where else. Oh dearest Mcdonalds bathrooms, I tried to hold it in while he was cleaning all that up with that low grade quality toilet paper that's as thick as the tissues I have at home but as you well know, some things just aren't meant to be. So yes, while I didn't quite have the mess problems that my boyfriend did, thank GOD, I did defile you too, and for that, I am sorry. I tried to convince my boyfriend it might be a good idea to purchase something from your establishment, to ease the blow of our combined stink, but he said we should just leave. I'm just glad all seven of my seat covers, the 20 yards of tp I used and that load of....well shit...went down in one flush. I can't say the same for my boyfriend...who had to flush four times...but anyway. Anyway, McDonalds bathrooms, I'm sorry to report to you that despite your assistance in my time of need, due to the fact that there was piss on the toilet seat before I began, I still hate public restrooms. I can only imagine the amount of germs in the men's restroom right now.
> 
> Gratefully,
> 
> FLW


You and your boyfriend are hot! :wubu:


----------



## Famouslastwords

mergirl said:


> You and your boyfriend are hot! :wubu:



Thank you queen of boogers and housecoats!


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Holy God,

Please let it be true! Thanks and thanks for the glimmer of hope! :wubu::happy:

Humbly & Sincerely,

That Silly Girl That You Created


----------



## wrestlingguy

Dear World,

Thank you for fucking up Christmas beyond recognition. Thanks to secular interests, while we know the Christian origins of this holiday, we can't utter the name of the person whose birth we celebrate in our public schools, and in our civic areas.

Oh, and the lines of cars sitting in traffic on the road? No, Jesus, they aren't headed to church to prepare themselves for the commemoration of your birth, they're headed to Wal-Mart to buy Zhu Zhu Pets.

Yeah, and all the lights you see aren't candles, they're fucking competitions to see who can emit the largest beacon of light, and erect the biggest damn snow globe on their front lawn.

And, on the streets, people look down, as if they are praying, and preparing their souls for the wondrous feast, when in fact, they're looking down..........AND TEXTING.

So fuck this holiday, fuck what it represents today. I'm not putting a light outside my home anymore. I'm going to light one candle, to remind me of the blessings that I have the other 364 days of the year.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Well bah humbug to you too Phil.


----------



## littlefairywren

fat9276 said:


> Dear Holy God,
> 
> Please let it be true! Thanks and thanks for the glimmer of hope! :wubu::happy:
> 
> Humbly & Sincerely,
> 
> That Silly Girl That You Created



I am crossing my fingers and toes for you my sweet 
May you get whatever you are hoping for!


----------



## comaseason

Dear 5-Hour Energy,

Yes it was a mistake to drink you at 11pm. I see that now. I am not a teenager, I have no desire to stay up all night and then start work at 4am.


*Please, please, please let me go to sleep you miserable bastard!!!*

You sir are a heartless whore.

Signed,
Late Shift Idiot


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear religious people,

Please understand that "your" Christmas holiday doesn't trump everybody else's December celebrations. Sure, yours is also a federal holiday. There are December holidays for a lot of religions.

As for me... I just say - MERRY NON-DENOMINATIONAL SECULAR FESTIVAL OF COMMERCE.

Happy holidays,
me


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Flutterby68 said:


> Dear religious people,
> 
> Please understand that "your" Christmas holiday doesn't trump everybody else's December celebrations. Sure, yours is also a federal holiday. There are December holidays for a lot of religions.
> 
> As for me... I just say - MERRY NON-DENOMINATIONAL SECULAR FESTIVAL OF COMMERCE.
> 
> Happy holidays,
> me



Dear Flutterby

Just wanted to let you know that I FULLY support the idea of each and every single religious holiday in December being a paid day off for me. I got your back  

Moi


----------



## Rowan

Dear Geek Squad,

HURRY UP. I need my computer back. I'm like a junkie going through withdrawls over here.

HURRY HURRY HURRY HURRY.

-missing her laptop desperately


----------



## Wagimawr

*offers Rowan internet-based hugs to stave off withdrawals*


----------



## AuntHen

littlefairywren said:


> I am crossing my fingers and toes for you my sweet
> May you get whatever you are hoping for!




thank you my loverly :wubu::happy:


----------



## Lovelyone

I am religious and I do not dismiss anyone else's right to their own December holiday--I have NEVER in my life said or acted as if "MY HOLIDAY" was more important than anyone else's. IT IS important to ME...however. 

I try in all aspects of my life to be respectful of others feelings, thoughts, cultures, and ideals. I just try to be considerate of other cultures and I say "Season's Greetings" as not to offend anyone at this time of year. It pretty much covers the whole wintery season and ALL holidays.I don't become offended when someone who is Jewish tells me "Happy Hannukah" I repeat it back to them. When my friend tells me to "Have a Happy Kwanzaa" I tell them the same in return because i respect that they do not share the same religion and holiday that I do.

I'd just like to say one more thing. To a lot of religious people, Christmas isnt all about the giving and recieving of presents. By saying "MERRY NON-DENOMINATIONAL SECULAR FESTIVAL OF COMMERCE." you demean MY holiday and what it represents to me. I will not stop saying Merry Christmas to people I know are not offended by the phrase because its meant as a good tiding and not as an offense to anyone. I don't know about other people, but I personally cannot tell which holiday that you celebrate just by looking at you. 

SO...Merry, Happy, (and all other words which mean enjoy) holiday. 



Flutterby68 said:


> Dear religious people,
> 
> Please understand that "your" Christmas holiday doesn't trump everybody else's December celebrations. Sure, yours is also a federal holiday. There are December holidays for a lot of religions.
> 
> As for me... I just say - MERRY NON-DENOMINATIONAL SECULAR FESTIVAL OF COMMERCE.
> 
> Happy holidays,
> me


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Meryl Streep,

You kicked a** with your Julia Childs role. You are amazing and beautiful and Bette Davis didn't have a clue what she was talking about when she put you down back in the 70's when you were first starting out!! (I think she KNEW her replacement had arrived when you showed up...of course you are a gentler version though, as she was one wicked b****) 

Bon Appetit!

A Fan :bow:


----------



## DeerVictory

Dear Toronto,

Do you have an extra job handy? A friend of mine could really use it.

Thanks. 

With love, Raegan.


----------



## wrestlingguy

Dear God(dess). Please make sure that I don't kill the people that shouldn't be on the road, because they're either drunk, high, or just plain old blind or stupid.

I am growing weary of having to swerve to the shoulder of the road because the ass hat who changed lands with no signal never looked in the mirror.

I don't want to pull the person out of their car for an old fashioned ass whupping who stole a parking space at the mall from me because their shopping is more important than mine.

I especially don't want to lie to my still blind father, who drives just as bad as the rest of them, that his car won't start, and the battery he needs is not in stock.

My therapist gave me bubbles to blow in my car when things like this happen. Please give me more bubbles for christmas. I'm not asking for much, and it will make the rest of the world more peaceful this christmas.

That is all.:happy:


----------



## disaster117

Dear computer,

I wish I knew why you keep giving me the blue screen of death. If I don't figure it out soon, I'm going to reformat you. 

Love, 
Alyssa.


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear oven,

Your handle fell off and we had to rescrew it on making me have to wait and re-preheat the oven. Hurry it the fuck up already! I'm gonna get salmonella from eating raw cookie dough. This is the year I'd get it with the way my luck's been this year. So just hurry up to I can bake em and have warm cookies!

Yummy,

FLW


----------



## Famouslastwords

CrystalUT11 said:


> Dear Gallbladder,
> 
> Friday is almost here. They're taking you out in three days. Please, please last me until then. I know you can do it!
> 
> Sincerely,
> Your frustrated owner




How'd it go, did they dope you up enough?

-FLW


----------



## Blackjack

Dear case I'm serving on as a juror:

As much as I'll enjoy getting paid by work to- well, do not much, I suppose- this whole getting up early thing is hell for someone who's used to going to bed after 1.

So please, be quick and easy. Everyone's happier that way.

-Beej


----------



## Crystal

Famouslastwords said:


> How'd it go, did they dope you up enough?
> 
> -FLW



It went well. Very, very sore, especially around my belly-button. It was nice to have friends and family calling and seeing how I was doing.  I give myself a few more days of recovery and I'll be good as new. Hopefully. Thanks for asking.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Great Whatever.
If the ex comes to visit the house with a bunch of lines/BS/trix/hustle/ etc then don't waste your time or more importantly mine .
And yes even though the ex is one of your creations, her losses of late have me laughing like Desi Arnaz from I LOVE LUCY, The Ricky Ricardo laugh is a great one. 

Thanks in advance
Snuggletiger who doesn't want to be a schnook/schmuck/putz/chump etc. but still wants to do the right thing


----------



## Famouslastwords

snuggletiger said:


> Dear Great Whatever.
> If the ex comes to visit the house with a bunch of lines/BS/trix/hustle/ etc then don't waste your time or more importantly mine .
> And yes even though the ex is one of your creations, her losses of late have me laughing like Desi Arnaz from I LOVE LUCY, The Ricky Ricardo laugh is a great one.
> 
> Thanks in advance
> Snuggletiger who doesn't want to be a schnook/schmuck/putz/chump etc. but still wants to do the right thing



Do do eeeeeet. It's a trap! She just wants your shiny new house!


----------



## mergirl

Dear Dims racist

Fuck off and take your stupid ignorant shit violent twisted views of people and the rest of the world with you. 

Hopefully most people


----------



## comaseason

mergirl said:


> Dear Dims racist
> 
> Fuck off and take your stupid ignorant shit violent twisted views of people and the rest of the world with you.
> 
> Hopefully most people



I hope this doesn't have anything to do with my Scottish annoying pants comment.


----------



## mergirl

lol.. no... but consider yourself on thin ice with the Scottish!!


----------



## JoyJoy

You, 

I'm annoyed I can't tell you what I want to say without reprisal. Very annoyed. Grrr. 

Me


----------



## gypsy

Dear Electronics Manufacturers,

While I understand your paranoia in this day and age about making the packaging on your products tamper-proof, I really don't appreciate having to attach C4 to the outside of my new satellite radio home kit. I didn't steal it. I bought it off ebay and I really hate the fact that I need to call in a specialized unit to open the goddamn box. 

Sincerely,

I Use Explosives To Fish, Too


----------



## soleil3313

Dear Roommate, 

If you had to be at the airport at 6 AM I would take you. Even if I had to work. I'm hurt that you said I should take a cab. 

Not cool.

You think you know people.....

Snowed In in Jersey


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

soleil3313 said:


> Dear Roommate,
> 
> If you had to be at the airport at 6 AM I would take you. Even if I had to work. I'm hurt that you said I should take a cab.
> 
> Not cool.
> 
> You think you know people.....
> 
> Snowed In in Jersey



Dear Soleil,

Just remember it's a 2 way street. Next time she needs a ride, you will be working, I'm sure......  

Moi


----------



## soleil3313

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Soleil,
> 
> Just remember it's a 2 way street. Next time she needs a ride, you will be working, I'm sure......
> 
> Moi



Yeah....thanks GEF.  Just a little hurt. But ohhhhhhhhhhh well.

Happy holidays to you!


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Mr 'i-thought-we-were-at-the-start-of-something-but-that-seems-to-have-been-it',

In the words of Macy Gray:
"Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together, babe
But we're not
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
Just a front, hey
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy, I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
Deny

I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning
I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near"

Merry Christmas

- Laura x


----------



## Weeze

Raegan said:


> Dear Toronto,
> 
> Do you have an extra job handy? A friend of mine could really use it.
> 
> Thanks.
> 
> With love, Raegan.



Dear Reagan,
Can you ask the philly suburbs as well, and let me know what you find?
Thanks,
Krissy


----------



## luscious_lulu

Gingembre said:


> Dear Mr 'i-thought-we-were-at-the-start-of-something-but-that-seems-to-have-been-it',
> 
> 
> Merry Christmas
> 
> - Laura x



sorry to hear this Ging! ((((hugs))))


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Martha Stewart,

As much as I love the visual presentation of all the things you make, show, grow etc., you are really annoying and make your guests uncomfortable and/or irritated. Did you ever consider that you may need meds? Regardless I still am mesmerized by all the crap you present on your show!:doh:

Sincerely,

Exasperated and enthralled at the same time


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear you, 

You are mind-numbingly boring and perpetually, soul-suckingly negative, incredibly selfish and sometimes a little scary, and spending what should be a special night with you is making one of the worst holidays I've ever had. If I didn't have tomorrow to look forward to, when I'll be somewhere else, away from you, I'd probably go mad. Knowing that soon things will change for the better is the only thing keeping me going. 

Signed, 

Soon to be a memory


----------



## Mathias

Dear Dad,



-Matthew


----------



## katorade

Dear person setting off fireworks near my house,

Wrong holiday, fuckwad. Now stop freaking out my dog.

Wishing you all the best this Christmas!


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Relative of an "in-law",

WTF is your damage???!! I am so sick of your personality. If you don't like me, fine! If you do, fine! Make up your mind and stop asking me questions if you don't like the honest answer and/or do not really want to hear them. I am not fake, so I am not going to make up a la-la land for you! I also do not want to waste my precious time trying to talk to someone who really doesn't give a s***!!! You are also an attention whore and quite dumb in alot of ways. Please stop trying to read out loud to a crowd of people, if you can't even pronounce the words! One day I might bust out and tell you exactly what I REALLY think with no tact or fear of the consequences! You blow! :doh:

Signed,

Fed Up With Your A**!!!


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Grandma, 

Please put your hand/a tissue/anything over your mouth when you cough. Please.

Your irritated family


----------



## mergirl

Mathias said:


> Dear Dad,
> 
> 
> 
> -Matthew


I concur.


----------



## Surlysomething

Dear family

Thanks for an awesome Christmas.
I love you all so much.
:wubu:


Dear seeesters
Thank you for all the laughs. At any given time you are *all* the funniest one around the fire !
:wubu:


----------



## mergirl

Dear you

I can't do this anymore but i hope you will be happy.

xme


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Cousin & Friend,

Please leave the house - there is no room to swing a cat and you have completely taken over. You are here til the 6th January - take a day trip, go away for a few days, do ANYTHING, just get up off the sofa and stop eating all our food. It's your gap year - what a waste of time to spend the last 2 weeks of your time in the UK sitting in our lounge. And on more selfish level, this is my only week off and I wanted to relax, damnit. ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH!

Love your bloody pissed off cousins x


----------



## quackman

Dear well meaning friend,

I really don't need a woman who has broken off two engagements and had three divorces giving me advice on how to get over an ex. I'm trying very hard not to judge you, but we obviously have very different approaches to relationships, and regardless of how happy you may be, I would not be happy in your place. And please drop the subject when I ask you to, because I know that if I say this to you it will hurt you quite badly, and end not only our friendship, but my friendship with many other people that I would like to remain friends with.

Thank you,
me

Dear dims forums,

Thank you for giving me a place to post this that I know she would not read.

me again


----------



## Ruffie

Dear people in my life

There is no bigger pet peeve that I have than someone saying they are going to do something and then not following through. I have expressed this many times and yet you still do it. Then you have the nerve to give me shit if I do something myself, or dare to express the disappointment to you. Getting a little tired of this cycle.


----------



## Flutterby68

Dear DH

I love you. But that doesn't mean that I will automatically turn a blind eye to your daughter's stupid antics. She's 23 and the mom of a 6 month old. She needs to get off her ass, go BACK to school (but pick one, since she's dropped out after one semester in more than one program!!), and quit worrying about anything other than taking care of herself and her daughter. She's entirely too preoccupied with dick to bother with getting her priorities straight. She's lucky she's NOT my kid because I would bluntly have told her off A LONG TIME AGO and the only reason I don't is because YOU get pissy when I even mention it.

Honestly.. the reason why she's acting like a 14 year old is because YOU make excuses for her all the time. Maybe if you'd stop, she'd grow up. Feh.. maybe not. She'd rather be lazy. It's easier. Too bad. Her BABY deserves better.

Love
Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear friend-
I didn't get a chance to tell you to have a safe trip yesterday. I hope you have a safe and wonderfully pleasant trip. Enjoy your time off work, and stay away from the fig newtons. 
Terri


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear best buddy:

Although I do realize your wife's chronic illness is something you have little control over, it might have been nicer if you had called 1-2 days prior and indicated that New Year's Eve plans were soft rather than 30 minutes before we were supposed to get together. I'm only glad we didn't drop $50 on steaks and food beforehand, although a certain someone was pissed she did all the work on the extra cheesecake that wasn't eaten.

Well, isn't eaten YET, heh heh.

I am 100% ok with having an early cancellation than a late one. Next time, be as understanding and considerate with our lives as we are with yours.


----------



## Shala

Dear Dimensions,

I am really sorry I have been gone for so long. Reading the threads have made me realize how much I missed it here. I will be around more often.

Glad to be back,

Shala

Dear Sinus/Cold/Whatever You Are,

Please, please, please go away asap! I am leaving Saturday for the mountains and our wedding is on the 13th....can I catch a break here? Also, please do not choose to make my fiance ill either.....TIA.

The Sneezing One


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear guys who answer my SSBBW dating ad-
1.PLEASE READ THE AD BEFORE RESPONDING.
2. If you sent a message the FIRST time I posted an ad, and I was not interested in you then...please don't send another, this time around.
3.If you are my prince charming, please say so in your email so that it will be easier to weed out the others and I can hurry up and delete my ad.

Thank you
Terri


----------



## Aust99

Dear boy....

It's so easy to swing things around onto the other person when you don't want to face the truth.... It's not too much for a girl to ask for you to let her know if you can't make a date or whatever.... And then you have the nerve to get upset that she won't go 30 mins out of her way to pick you up... I think this is the end...

Again....:doh:

From Girl


----------



## ValentineBBW

Lovelyone said:


> Dear guys who answer my SSBBW dating ad-
> *1.PLEASE READ THE AD BEFORE RESPONDING.
> 2. If you sent a message the FIRST time I posted an ad, and I was not interested in you then...please don't send another, this time around.*
> 3.If you are my prince charming, please say so in your email so that it will be easier to weed out the others and I can hurry up and delete my ad.
> 
> Thank you
> Terri



Dear Terri,

Thank you for posting these...Numbers 1 and 2 needed emphasis because we know they didn't read it the first time around. 


Becky


----------



## JMCGB

Aust99 said:


> Dear boy....
> 
> It's so easy to swing things around onto the other person when you don't want to face the truth.... It's not too much for a girl to ask for you to let her know if you can't make a date or whatever.... And then you have the nerve to get upset that she won't go 30 mins out of her way to pick you up... I think this is the end...
> 
> Again....:doh:
> 
> From Girl



His loss and not yours! Just keep your head up and you will be fine...


----------



## mimosa

*Dear women who put themselves down. 


Shut the f up! You know you're hot! 


Love, 

Cute and chubby woman that believes in you. :bow:*


----------



## swamptoad

Dear Me,


Stay strong and keep good positive vibes no matter how down and out your mood may try to direct you otherwise. And also pass along those good vibes to others while you are at it.


----------



## Leesa

Fake friends:
Stay AWAY! 
LKM


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

Dear older gentleman I met at the Calendar store today...

It was nice to hear the brief story about your family's history during World War II. I listened to as much as you were telling to tell on that topic. However, publicly sharing your thoughts and opinions on Sports Illustrated and Maxim Calendars is not the best way to START a conversation, or to END it. I was happy I found that gem of a story about your family somewhere in the middle of your browsing calendars that show off swimsuit models (which, by the way, I don't entirely have similar feelings that you do for them, so thanks for sharing, but not interested). But please... let me get the calendar I came in to get and leave, and not try to talk to me about more calendars when I'm halfway across the store, trying to check out.

However, despite all that, you are the one person I met today that I will likely remember. And I wasn't entirely creeped out. So thanks for being friendly!

Sincerely,
Jeeves


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe,

I can feel another pickle coming on, and if feels like a real doozey. You did not send me that package we discussed in '09, so I am not too impressed with your work of late! Patience is wearing thin over here buddy, Australia is easy to spot on the map so get your finger out.

Love Kimberly


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Little Squeakers,

I love you more than anyone on this planet. You are like a daughter AND little sister to me. You are so funny and quirky and smarter than alot of 30 year olds. I miss you all the days I am not around you. You are my favorite! I would charge a bus to protect you!!!! :wubu:

Love,

Your Aunt who loves you more than life!


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear son:

Your Wii game will not stop killing your character no matter how many times you yell at it. Treat it a learning experience that you're not being killed by a Rogue Jedi in real life.


----------



## the_captain

[WHINING]

Dear Boss:

I am a professional. I've been in this business for a decade, and ran other businesses for a long time before that. Quit treating me like I'm a child and don't know what I'm doing. And stop putting me down in front of others to make yourself look better. I am here to help keep your business running efficiently and legal, not to be your personal whipping boy. Thank you.

Yours truly,
the_captain

[/WHINING]


----------



## gypsy

Dear Lupus Rash,

Get the hell off my damn face. You hurt. And I don't mean "just-looking-at-you-is-hurting-my-thoughts-of-how-lovely-I-am", I mean.. you fucking HURT.

Signed,

Day Seven of Corticosteroid Cream and Tired Of It


----------



## Proner

Dear Ice,

Ok we have to talk, I'm not used to you and it's the same for you but it's not a reason to make me slip on the floor just in front on my workplace! I don't really care if I was ridiculous as there's no shame to fall on slippy ice road but that hurts 
Anyway I get my revenge you melt and I stay tall *evil laugh*

Broken Bum Proner


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear Olympic pin collectors,

I can not send you any pins. It doesn't matter how many times you email/call/mail me. It doesn't matter who you contact in my company, all pin requests are forwarded to me. Neither Bribing, begging, crying nor insulting me will help your case. 

YOU ARE NOT GETTING PINS!!!!!

Please just STOP!

Signed, 
The Pin Bitch!


----------



## Pharadox

Badal,

When you asked me to tell you to go, you were not asking my permission because you cared about my feelings, but because you wanted me to ease your guilt and tell you it was okay to completely disappear. You're not fooling me. Good job fooling yourself, though.

Jana


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Me,

You are a mega oom maxi dork! What am I going to do with you???!! Oh, and about the work people... don't fret. They just have no imagination. Now please chill out!


Love,

Your logical half :wubu:


----------



## Famouslastwords

fat9276 said:


> Dear Me,
> 
> You are a mega oom maxi dork! What am I going to do with you???!! Oh, and about the work people... don't fret. They just have no imagination. Now please chill out!
> 
> 
> Love,
> 
> Your logical half :wubu:



Hey babeh... I'll be a dork with you...


----------



## gypsy

luscious_lulu said:


> Dear Olympic pin collectors,
> 
> I can not send you any pins. It doesn't matter how many times you email/call/mail me. It doesn't matter who you contact in my company, all pin requests are forwarded to me. Neither Bribing, begging, crying nor insulting me will help your case.
> 
> YOU ARE NOT GETTING PINS!!!!!
> 
> Please just STOP!
> 
> Signed,
> The Pin Bitch!



Dear Pin Bitch,

Gimmeh.

Luv,

Not A Collector


----------



## largenlovely

Dear People Who Want To Start Rumors/Make Up Stories/Bad Mouth Me,

I just don't care anymore..say whatever you want...i'm not going to defend myself and want no part of your drama. Please people don't report any rumors to me ...i could really care less because i'm not going to participate in it. Although, i think i'll make up a few of my own...

1) Ya know, i heard Melissa was running a cathouse at the Texas/Mexican border

2) Ya know, i heard Melissa was previously a man named Al and had a sex change

3) Ya know, Melissa has been losing some weight, i heard she had WLS

4) Ya know, i heard Melissa was reportedly seen sneaking into the back door at her local congressman's house

Wait....this can be fun lol 

Honestly though, i just don't care so don't try to involve me in it 

Sincerely,

Just don't give a shit


----------



## Proner

Dear New Hat,

You're awesome! My ears thank you so much for keeping them warm in this cold and stopping them to turn red red red every time I go outside 

Warmed-Ears Proner


----------



## Famouslastwords

largenlovely said:


> Dear People Who Want To Start Rumors/Make Up Stories/Bad Mouth Me,
> 
> I just don't care anymore..say whatever you want...i'm not going to defend myself and want no part of your drama. Please people don't report any rumors to me ...i could really care less because i'm not going to participate in it. Although, i think i'll make up a few of my own...
> 
> 1) Ya know, i heard Melissa was running a cathouse at the Texas/Mexican border
> 
> 2) Ya know, i heard Melissa was previously a man named Al and had a sex change
> 
> 3) Ya know, Melissa has been losing some weight, i heard she had WLS
> 
> 4) Ya know, i heard Melissa was reportedly seen sneaking into the back door at her local congressman's house
> 
> Wait....this can be fun lol
> 
> Honestly though, i just don't care so don't try to involve me in it
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Just don't give a shit



You know, Melissa, I heard you let me touch your boobies, since everyone's saying it you might as well let me.


----------



## largenlovely

what boobies?..that i have ANY boobies is a rumor in itself hahahaha

my poor lil B/C cups lol...unless side boobies count, then i would say i'm definitely a C cup lol



Famouslastwords said:


> You know, Melissa, I heard you let me touch your boobies, since everyone's saying it you might as well let me.


----------



## mszwebs

largenlovely said:


> what boobies?..that i have ANY boobies is a rumor in itself hahahaha
> 
> my poor lil B/C cups lol...unless side boobies count, then i would say i'm definitely a C cup lol



Pull from the pit.


----------



## Famouslastwords

largenlovely said:


> what boobies?..that i have ANY boobies is a rumor in itself hahahaha
> 
> my poor lil B/C cups lol...unless side boobies count, then i would say i'm definitely a C cup lol



I've heard it said that more than a handful is wasteful. Of course that means I have a landfill on my chest.


----------



## Lovelyone

Famouslastwords said:


> I've heard it said that more than a handful is wasteful. Of course that means I have a landfill on my chest.



I've always heard that you can't get enough of a good thing...*Looks down at her "girls"and smiles*


----------



## largenlovely

I've tried to manipulate the poor lil things..and that does help..but they're still just such sad lil friends lol



mszwebs said:


> Pull from the pit.


----------



## largenlovely

you girls need to make a boobage donation to those of us who are less fortunate hehe



Famouslastwords said:


> I've heard it said that more than a handful is wasteful. Of course that means I have a landfill on my chest.


----------



## Proner

Dear Lazy Co-Worker,

I will try to stay polite but it will be hard as you know we are in a rush at work and you do nothing except sitting on your chair and looking at me running and doing the part of the job you're supposed to do. I know talking to you is vain as even if you're doing nothing you're "protected" but get your ass of this chair 



Dear You,

Try to relax, just more few days and work will become calm again...

Your logical side


----------



## Crystal

Dear Life,

Thank you for being pretty wonderful lately. And even then, in a few weeks, I'll have my check from school and won't be quite as broke. Not to mention, my car prospects are looking better and better. 

Great friends, great boyfriend, (maybe) a great new car. What could be better?

Love,
Me <3


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear USPS/VA Mail room, 

You both suck. Stop arguing over who last had my package and JUST FIND IT. It's kinda important and I needed it yesterday. My patience is wearing thin. 

Signed, 

FedEx customer for life.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear FDOT (FL department of transportation),

How lame and stupid are you??!! Merde! Why do you pick commuter rush hour traffic hours to do routine construction on a main exit????!!! :doh: Thanks to you I got home an hour later than I should have! I drive a stick shift, so bumper to bumper traffic hurt my calf muscle from having to abuse the clutch! I wanted to punch you in the throat you wanker!! BUGGER!!  

From 

That girl in the yellow car that wanted to punch you in the throat and had to turn on angry loud music and sing along so she didn't stop her car and throw a childish tantrum in the middle of the freeway!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear best friend- You make me smile often. Thanks for that. I hope I do the same for you. 
Love you, Terri

Dear guy who begged me to call him.
I was hesitant about calling you but...
I called.
Within 2 minutes you insulted me, frustrated me, and angered me.
You wasted my time.
Its been two additional minutes since I hung up on you...and I've already forgotten your name and number. 
Hopefully no other SSBBW will fall into your trap.

Dear dating site:
Please screen your customers better. I think that you have ssbbw axe killers, stalkers and just plain rude people answering your ads. 
TYVM,
The ssbbw who had to deal with one of said customers today.


Dear Instant Jello pudding manufacturers,
Thank you for making chocolate Instant jello pudding. Its so creamy and delicious. I can make it in just a few minutes and its ready to eat. It also seems to be the only thing that helps me forget about the dating site men who answer my ad. Thank you, thank you, thank you!


----------



## Crystal

Dear Lane Kiffin,

Thank you for staying at Tennessee for ONE year before hauling your happy ass to USC.

Traitor.

Love,
Crystal


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Boss,

You are actually really cool sometimes and I thank you for listening to me and trying to be an ethical sounding board. I am so glad that you are my boss instead of that last troll our team had. She was a nightmare!!! Now please remember me in a good light when you do our reviews for raises soon. 

Thanks bunches,

Me


----------



## ValentineBBW

Dear guys who answer my SSBBW dating ad-
1.PLEASE READ THE AD BEFORE RESPONDING.
2. If you sent a message the FIRST time I posted an ad, and I was not interested in you then...please don't send another, this time around. And no, I am still not interested the 3rd and 4th time around.
3. Obviously you can't read at all - you missed numbers 1 and 2 and the previous two letters! Have you mom/buddy/coworker read it for you.

Sincerely

Email Deleter


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Becky--
I FEEL YOUR PAIN! ((((big hugs))))




ValentineBBW said:


> Dear guys who answer my SSBBW dating ad-
> 1.PLEASE READ THE AD BEFORE RESPONDING.
> 2. If you sent a message the FIRST time I posted an ad, and I was not interested in you then...please don't send another, this time around. And no, I am still not interested the 3rd and 4th time around.
> 3. Obviously you can't read at all - you missed numbers 1 and 2 and the previous two letters! Have your mom/buddy/coworker read it for you.
> 
> Sincerely
> 
> Email Deleter


----------



## largenlovely

I'm not one of those Tennessee hatin' Alabama fans..i've alway been pretty ok with TN...

but i gotta say, when Kiffin arrived on the scene it started making me hate TN ..Kiffin is an arrogant asshole who doesn't know what he's talking about half the time. I can't stand to watch someone talk so confidently about something when they're dead wrong. I think y'all are MUCH better off without him. 

and besides, now i have even more reason to dislike USC lol



CrystalUT11 said:


> Dear Lane Kiffin,
> 
> Thank you for staying at Tennessee for ONE year before hauling your happy ass to USC.
> 
> Traitor.
> 
> Love,
> Crystal


----------



## Fluffy51888

Dear You,

I'm not a mean person. I'm just not. But it's people like you who make me wish I was. However, being the sweet southern lady I am, I will keep my bitchy comments to myself. You should know how that feels, right? 


LOVE,

Me.


----------



## Crystal

Dear very sweet person,

I wish you much happiness and the best of luck. I really do. 

Love,
Crystal


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear very sweet person,

I'm sorry, to you, that is. Forgive me I'm not normally this much of a bitch, but I'm on the rag. lol ok I lied, I'm not. You can be vindictive in the fact that you're probably 10 times happier in your life than I am in mine.

Sincerely,

Been a very bad girl


----------



## Ruffie

dear young man
Your betrayal has shocked me. The years I (and others) have spend loving you, trying to guide you and helping you emotionally and financially apparently means nothing to you. It is a slap in the face that you would choose a woman that is poison for you and has been the cause of so much trouble and unhappiness in your life. She has betrayed you many times over and even within the last week. You put words in my mouth and figure you know exactly how I feel without ever having talked to me. As I told you all you need do is ask and that its your choice if you want to walk away from people that have been some of the few in your life that loved you unconditionally. I fear for your mental and physical health as you have effectively cut off all of us that love you. She wins and I pray that you do not lose in the end. I will always love you but am done banging my head against that brick wall. I am bloodied and bruised from trying to get you to see you are worth so much more than you allow yourself to be. Remember as I have told you that betrayal after trust is deadly!


----------



## Crystal

Dear University of Tennessee,

Why do you make it SO damn hard to switch majors, especially within the same college? After my first few Public Administration courses this week, I am having second thoughts but it seems that EVERYTHING is full in any of the courses I'd need for another major. 

Ugh. Budget cuts + smaller classes sizes = teh fail.

Love, 
One pissed off student


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear R,

I don't get it, you say "Hi <insert my name here>" in the hallway making it blatantly obvious that having never spoken before and having sat across the room you remember my name despite the fact that I was so obliviously snuggling into my man's arm and so I said hi back. I felt bad after, because I didn't say your name too. I even wrote it in an email to my ex wondering if I'm worrying about too small of things. Anyway, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I really did try hard to call you by your name in class when everyone was calling you "the third". Now you're like oblivious to me. I don't understand men. I thought you saying hi to me meant you wanted to be friends. I'm glad I'm in more than one class with you. That makes things nicer. Anywho, I'm not saying hi first again. It's your turn.

-FLW


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear John M at the local US Post Office, 

People make mistakes all the time. It's part of being human. What makes you a sub-human is when you make a mistake and lie repeatedly, concoct false documentation and try to shuffle your mistake on to someone else. Making up the story that the mail room here at work lost my package, lying to me over the phone about it several times and then sending made up proof of it, only to cover your own ass is one of the most pathetic things I've ever heard of. 

Guess what? I have proof of your lie in my hot, not-so-little hand, and I have more than one witness to back it up, because you lied to them too. After a week of trying to track down this package, I know where it is...and I know that you haven't heard the last from me, Mr. M. You'll be lucky to have a job by the time I'm done with you, you pathetic liar. 

Livid in Little Rock


----------



## gypsy

Dear Mother Nature,

Please stop picking on Haiti. They are suffering hardship enough without you. 

Sincerely, 

gypsy


----------



## snuggletiger

gypsy said:


> Dear Mother Nature,
> 
> Please stop picking on Haiti. They are suffering hardship enough without you.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> gypsy



What gypsy said, besides they had 27 years with the Duvaliers.


----------



## katorade

Dear bitch that moved into my old apartment,

I don't think I've posted about you yet, but FUCK YOU. Fuck you for stealing not one, but TWO packages of mine that were accidentally delivered to my old address. Christmas presents, no less. You bottom-dwelling bitch. When I sent the upstairs neighbor down to ask if you'd seen them, don't think she didn't know you were lying through your teeth. The deliveries were confirmed by UPS.

I know where you live.


----------



## Isa

ValentineBBW said:


> Dear guys who answer my SSBBW dating ad-
> 1.PLEASE READ THE AD BEFORE RESPONDING.
> 2. If you sent a message the FIRST time I posted an ad, and I was not interested in you then...please don't send another, this time around. And no, I am still not interested the 3rd and 4th time around.
> 3. Obviously you can't read at all - you missed numbers 1 and 2 and the previous two letters! Have you mom/buddy/coworker read it for you.
> 
> Sincerely
> 
> Email Deleter



Oh woman after my own heart! I'm currently in receipt of response #4 from someone that cannot get this message. He's now considered spam fodder and that email box loves him.


----------



## Paquito

Dear two classmates I saw outside the dining hall:

I may be a traitor to my generation, but PULL YOUR PANTS UP, ASSHATS.

Look, I'll admit that I have baggy jean issues too. I wear my jeans on my hips because if I wore them around my waist, I would have to up about 4 sizes and I already have muffin top without them on my waist (and I'm avoiding a case of camel balls). And until the stores get in 42X26 pants, I will have several inches of leg dragging on the ground unless a tailor takes pity on me.

However, when your waistband is on level with your knees, then it becomes a major problem. How has gravity not kicked in? Pants dont stay up that way damnit! And you walk like morons, shuffling constantly. Hey geniuses, if you wore your jeans better, you wouldn't have to wear gym shorts underneath the jeans in the event of them actually falling down. And trust, they will fall down sooner or later, you can ask the drivers in the intersection where my pants wrapped around my ankles (forgot my belt, but I know some drivers were pleased). 


Signed, 

Awkward Jeans Mishaps Boy


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Co-Worker/Friend,

Happy birthday! I hope you like the cake I made! We will share it and giggle

Love

Me


----------



## activistfatgirl

Dear universe,

You and me both know one thing, and that's that I need to get laid. Now, this is not the kind of need that's going to dry up after a one-night romp. I need a steady stream of hot love making or I'm going to go absolutely insane. I promise to start shaving my legs again and dressing myself properly, I promise!

Oh, and yeah, I need these play partners delivered to my door pre-vetted. It takes so long to find folks you trust enough to screw. I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME! And I don't have a line in my budget for prostitutes. 

Pensively, AFG

P.S. And FUCK YOU for not making my arms longer. Just saying.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear free2beme04:
Please show these boys the 62 year old man who sang the "With your pants down" audition from American idol this week. They may understand after that.  
feel your pain,
Terri 





free2beme04 said:


> Dear two classmates I saw outside the dining hall:
> 
> I may be a traitor to my generation, but PULL YOUR PANTS UP, ASSHATS.
> 
> Look, I'll admit that I have baggy jean issues too. I wear my jeans on my hips because if I wore them around my waist, I would have to up about 4 sizes and I already have muffin top without them on my waist (and I'm avoiding a case of camel balls). And until the stores get in 42X26 pants, I will have several inches of leg dragging on the ground unless a tailor takes pity on me.
> 
> However, when your waistband is on level with your knees, then it becomes a major problem. How has gravity not kicked in? Pants dont stay up that way damnit! And you walk like morons, shuffling constantly. Hey geniuses, if you wore your jeans better, you wouldn't have to wear gym shorts underneath the jeans in the event of them actually falling down. And trust, they will fall down sooner or later, you can ask the drivers in the intersection where my pants wrapped around my ankles (forgot my belt, but I know some drivers were pleased).
> 
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Awkward Jeans Mishaps Boy


----------



## archivaltype

Dear life,

I love you. You've been so wonderful to me lately, and even if I can't have the one thing/person I want, I still have so much. You've blessed me this week...I hope you're like this more often...or at least last until Thursday. 

Much love,
Me. 



Dear museum man,

I was shocked you replied to me email like you did! Pleasantly shocked, but still shocked. I can't wait for Thursday! I'm so nervous/excited I can hardly stand it. This would pretty much be the coolest thing ever. 

sincerely,
me.




Dear you,

I missed you something fierce. You don't know how hard it was to ignore your messages, but I hope you know it was what I needed to do. I don't think she deserves you, but you know me. I'm much too opinionated for my own good. So...we'll see where things go from here, I spose. 

best,
me.


----------



## mergirl

Dear me

Ok, you have had enough fun, what with all your reading stuff you love and lazing about on your laptop all day and playing spiderman (the game..not me *change of tense* pretending i'm spiderman btw). The time has come to begin that brain biology course you have been dreading.. starting from... Monday! 

from me


----------



## Weeze

Dear You,

I wasn't sure it was possible for you to be anymore clueless than the last guy. Thanks for proving me wrong, and making a guy that drives me nuts seem O.K.. 

I don't have time to date anyway.

Peace.
Kris.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Great Whatever,
please spare me from another pay cut. I kinda like the mountaintop the way it is and really don't want to bring in a roomie. 
Signed
your pal
Snuggletiger *insert paw print*


----------



## AuntHen

Dear little sister,

Happy Birthday!!! I love you so! I hope it is grander than grand. See you later today:happy: Limes are ever the fashion! hehehe

Love,

Your dorky sister

We are Little Women...Jo & Amy 4ever!!! Now where is Professor Baehr?


----------



## disaster117

Dear break,

I don't want you to be over after this next coming week. I need about 10 more weeks to be satisfied. I DON'T WANNA GO BACK TO COLLEGEEEEEE. 

Hating education and all productive aspects of life,
me.


----------



## Proner

Dear you,

Next time you go surfing in winter think to bring these surf's socks to not get your poor little feet freezing like hell! I know your feet look like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' feet with these socks but it's better than having alien's blue feet isn't it?

Your poor and angry blue feets 

View attachment billabong-foil-3mm-boot-fw0910-i-040714.jpg


----------



## the_captain

disaster117 said:


> Dear break,
> 
> I don't want you to be over after this next coming week. I need about 10 more weeks to be satisfied. I DON'T WANNA GO BACK TO COLLEGEEEEEE.
> 
> Hating education and all productive aspects of life,
> me.



Dear Life,

I'm so tired of you. I don't wanna go back to work and pay bills and put up with the giant Charlie Foxtrot you have become. I WANNA go back to college!!!!!!!!!

Love, your whipping boy,
Me


----------



## quackman

Dear whoever anonymously left me the M&Ms yesterday,

How cool - I didn't know they made coconut M&Ms, and you obviously both knew that they did and knew that I'd want to try them. But if you knew me that well you'd also know that I'm going to go bonkers trying to figure out who left them for me, eventually come to the theory that there's at least a possibility that they're from her, and in turn hurt myself more by talking to her. 

Oh well, at least I'll have chocolate to ease the pain with.

Cheers,
Donald


----------



## LoveBHMS

Dear F-

I hope I never see you talk about 'back pain' on this board ever again.

Disliking me is fine, but to ridicule the fact that somebody's mother has a crippling medical problem that affects her breathing and has left her physically deformed is about the sickest thing I have ever seen.

I realize there is zero chance you'll examine your behaviour, but I sincerely hope what goes around comes around in your case.

L.


----------



## DreamyInToronto

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Wal-Mart:
> 
> Please take note that the size and color of your Equate Brand Anti-Gas Medicine softgels bears remarkable similarity to your brand of stimulant laxatives. Apparently at 5am in the morning under less than optimal lighting, my desire to relieve myself of the previous day's HealthyChoice Tortilla Soup (which should actually be called "One Dorito and 300 Beans") discomfort led to a rather splattacular event later that morning.
> 
> I will never again take that medication's patented Shitmaself(tm) technology for granted. Although the walk from my desk to the bathroom is a scant 50 steps, it may as well be the Bataan Death March when the Admiral is fixing to fire his rectal trebuchet, if you get my meaning.
> 
> This public service message brought to you by the number 2.[/QUOTE
> 
> Dear Admiral Snackbar:
> 
> Thank you for giving me the biggest laugh I've had in a long time. I think you should become a comedy writer!
> 
> xoxo
> 
> DreamyInToronto


----------



## Santaclear

Dear L -

She was ridiculing you, not your mom. 

S.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Santaclear said:


> Dear L -
> 
> She was ridiculing you, not your mom.
> 
> S.



Dear S,

Still not cool. Seriously.

M.


----------



## Santaclear

Dear M -

Depends.

S.


----------



## mossystate

Dear S,

On so much.

M


----------



## Wagimawr

Dear AEIOU,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBe2ZSQm95A

Signed,
Sometimes Y.


----------



## TraciJo67

Dear S&M:

I think that Depends are ssssssmokin' hot. I love hangin' at Wal-Mart, creepin' around the aisles and peepin' at the infirm, the disabled, and the outright elderly (with my hand discreetly down my pants, natch ... I mean, it *is* Walmart so I gots ta keep it classy) and just imagining what they're doing with those adult diapers, and why. Hey, don't knock it. It's MY fantasy. What floats my boat, so to speak.

Love,
T


----------



## activistfatgirl

Leave it in the thread it started in. 

Completely ridiculous to have to read this shit on a mother effing letter thread. These are all I'll read around here because there is always some shit storm. Talk about it where it happened instead of spreading the fight everyone else on the goddamn forum, forcing people to take sides. And please, using a letter doesn't do shit 'cause if there's a fight, everyone knows who's talking about who. At least have some pride and use names. OR HEY A PM WOULD WORK.


----------



## Blackjack

activistfatgirl said:


> Leave it in the thread it started in.
> 
> Completely ridiculous to have to read this shit on a mother effing letter thread. These are all I'll read around here because there is always some shit storm. Talk about it where it happened instead of spreading the fight everyone else on the goddamn forum, forcing people to take sides. And please, using a letter doesn't do shit 'cause if there's a fight, everyone knows who's talking about who. At least have some pride and use names. OR HEY A PM WOULD WORK.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear hair...why must you turn gray? Seriously..why?:happy:


----------



## Risible

activistfatgirl said:


> Leave it in the thread it started in.
> 
> Completely ridiculous to have to read this shit on a mother effing letter thread. These are all I'll read around here because there is always some shit storm. Talk about it where it happened instead of spreading the fight everyone else on the goddamn forum, forcing people to take sides. And please, using a letter doesn't do shit 'cause if there's a fight, everyone knows who's talking about who. At least have some pride and use names. OR HEY A PM WOULD WORK.



You're right about this, AFG; it was a personal argument that should have been carried on in PM - *not on the boards*.

No further such comments on this situation will be tolerated here - 

/mod


----------



## mossystate

Dear TraciVaJoJo, 

Your dinghy done sprung a leak.

Here, a cooked sketty noodle as a lifeline.


signed, 

SO much better than yoo


----------



## Paquito

Dear V.,

You're _really_ starting to piss me off. The sheer amount of bullshit that you put up with from B., when you know that he isn't trying to change, astounds me. You're a smart girl, V. You have one of the best bullshit detectors out there. And you _still_ won't end this cycle. He ignores you often, puts his needs far above your own (like tonight, when he went into the room YOU were sleeping in to play fucking Madden with our roommate), and makes you more emotional than anyone else in your life. I get that you have history, and you both love each other, but will you stop letting him walk all over you? It's pathetic to watch this, I expected this kind of behavior from a weaker person.

Always picking up the pieces,
This guy.


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

Dear Golden Retreiver who stared at me through the grooming department windows today at work while I was working at the registers for about 10 minutes -

We shared some laughs, didn't we? 

Signed,
I miss my Golden

_______

Dear Electric Blanket -

Why does only half of you work now? And why does it have to be the half that lays on the side closest to the wall? The side of the bed that actually STAYS inflated, whereas the other side always seems to sink deeper and deeper as nights go by? Because now, gravity keeps pulling me to the COLD side of the bed, when I clearly desire to be on the WARM side of the beD.... WHICH SHOULD BE THE WHOLE BED! Now I have to redo my whole bed, which is difficult enough in my small room.

I hope this does not constitute as a breaking of our relationship. I truly love a warm bed when I first crawl into it. As long as you work at all, I <3 you.

Sincerely,
Sleepless in Denial

______

Dear Phone - 

Stop dialing people in my pocket. Though they get to laugh, I feel like a fool afterwards. And I don't need your help in that matter!

Love,
Look, I can dial with no hands!


----------



## Dmitra

Dear Desktop PC,

I haven't really liked you since I put you together but you didn't have to go crash and burn on me, either. Luckily I've been wanting to a) get rid of stuff and b) use the older, better case so I'm not too put out. Thank you for waiting until my character got renamed to go belly up, though!

Your creator.


----------



## Pharadox

Blackjack_Jeeves said:


> Dear Golden Retreiver who stared at me through the grooming department windows today at work while I was working at the registers for about 10 minutes -
> 
> We shared some laughs, didn't we?
> 
> Signed,
> I miss my Golden
> 
> _______
> 
> Dear Electric Blanket -
> 
> Why does only half of you work now? And why does it have to be the half that lays on the side closest to the wall? The side of the bed that actually STAYS inflated, whereas the other side always seems to sink deeper and deeper as nights go by? Because now, gravity keeps pulling me to the COLD side of the bed, when I clearly desire to be on the WARM side of the beD.... WHICH SHOULD BE THE WHOLE BED! Now I have to redo my whole bed, which is difficult enough in my small room.
> 
> I hope this does not constitute as a breaking of our relationship. I truly love a warm bed when I first crawl into it. As long as you work at all, I <3 you.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Sleepless in Denial
> 
> ______
> 
> Dear Phone -
> 
> Stop dialing people in my pocket. Though they get to laugh, I feel like a fool afterwards. And I don't need your help in that matter!
> 
> Love,
> Look, I can dial with no hands!



Dear BJ,

Thank you for the giggles. They were terrific. 

Sincerely,
Me

And about the phone thing. Best call I ever got from someone was accidental and they were driving along, singing at the top of their lungs.  I was like "What is THIS? O.O" for about two seconds before I settled back to enjoy myself.


----------



## DeerVictory

Dear frequent coffee goer that I have the pleasure of serving, 

No, it's actually NOT that difficult for me to be on my feet all day. I've been doing this for a long time. Don't assume that because I'm fat that I don't have the stamina to bring people their food.

Sincerely,
your cute teenage waitress who knows that you mean well.


----------



## AuntHen

oops double post


----------



## AuntHen

Dear long hair,

We have had a good 3 1/2 year run. I have enjoyed you, but I am tired of having to use a boat-load of shampoo, combing you out taking FOREVER and you being everywhere in my bathroom! It's time my friend! Hopefully I can donate you to the "Locks of Love" program where I am getting you cut at. Farewell! 

Love,

The rest of me!


----------



## Pharadox

fat9276 said:


> Dear long hair,
> 
> We have had a good 3 1/2 year run. I have enjoyed you, but I am tired of having to use a boat-load of shampoo, combing you out taking FOREVER and you being everywhere in my bathroom! It's time my friend! Hopefully I can donate you to the "Locks of Love" program where I am getting you cut at. Farewell!
> 
> Love,
> 
> The rest of me!



Forgive me, but I'm going to be in a small amount of mourning for your hair. Haha. You have gorgeous long blonde hair. But you'll be beautiful with or without it, so make sure you take pictures and show us how it comes out!

Plus I know what you mean. Long hair can be a lot of maintenance. I love that feeling after you get a bunch cut off like your head suddenly feels 5 pounds lighter. I imagine it is the closest to feeling like a bobble-head toy I could get.


----------



## Lovelyone

Pharadox said:


> Forgive me, but I'm going to be in a small amount of mourning for your hair. Haha. You have gorgeous long blonde hair. But you'll be beautiful with or without it, so make sure you take pictures and show us how it comes out!
> 
> Plus I know what you mean. Long hair can be a lot of maintenance. I love that feeling after you get a bunch cut off like your head suddenly feels 5 pounds lighter. I imagine it is the closest to feeling like a bobble-head toy I could get.



I mourn for her hair, also. My hair is so long that I sit on it if I don't tie it up. I've recently been contemplating cutting it off. It IS a lot of maintenance, but to grow it that long takes patience, and (for me, at least) the choice to cut it is a stressful one cos of all the effort I put into it to get it this long. *sigh. If I DO cut it, I will definitely donate it to Locks of Love.


----------



## katorade

I've only had long hair for less than two years. I can't imagine dealing with it any longer. I get pissed off when I so much as lean on it when I'm sitting down. The worst is trying to sleep without putting it up in a ponytail first. You lay on it, it gets in your face, you wake up with a horrible tangled mess. Argh. Makes me want to chop it off NOW, lol.


----------



## Famouslastwords

Pharadox said:


> And about the phone thing. Best call I ever got from someone was accidental and they were driving along, singing at the top of their lungs.  I was like "What is THIS? O.O" for about two seconds before I settled back to enjoy myself.




Oh GOD, WORST nightmare. I'm so glad my phone's number pad locks after it's been idle awhile.


----------



## Pharadox

Famouslastwords said:


> Oh GOD, WORST nightmare. I'm so glad my phone's number pad locks after it's been idle awhile.



Yeah, mine too. But if someone happens to accidentally call me, it just can't be helped if I enjoy it.  I'm pretty sure that when someone thought of that feature, it was because it kept happening to them. Haha.


----------



## Weeze

Dear fuckin' everyone with a penis. 

If you have a girlfriend, do not message me. Do not flirt with me. Do not suggest things to me. Do not tell me "Oh, yeah, we'll go out all you want." Because, um, we won't. And when I suspect something, and give you the opportunity to come clean about it? Fucking do it. 

I am so done with this shit. Go the fuck away.

Kristen.


----------



## LoveBHMS

Dear Anyone Involved With Locks of Love:

Being a part of this is something you will never ever forget. A former client of mine had her daughter and her friend both grow their hair so they could give it to Locks of Love. The client (mom) reminded her daugher who was nine at the time that she might be 'sad' when her hair was cut off, and the daughter said 'that's ok mom...i might be sad...but kids with cancer are more sad than me and they need my hair more than i do...".

My mother also grew her hair out and did this because her hairdresser was a cancer survivor. It was easily the most rewarding and best thing she's ever done.

Well done! The joy you get is imeasurable.

L.


----------



## disaster117

Dear Uncle John, 

You have no right to talk to me that way. I am no longer a child and I will not be treated like one. I think you need to learn how to take a joke and to not blow every little thing anyone says out of proportion. As for you telling me I act like my mother, you are wrong. Don't think that I'll forget about that. Say anything like that to me again and I will no longer be speaking to you. You are completely wrong about me and it makes me sad that a member of my own family can exhibit this sort of stupidity. 

Eventually YOU will understand (as I already do understand, but thanks for the hopeful messages about the lessons I still need to learn about life and how to talk to people).


----------



## quackman

Dear women of the online dating community that I frequent,

Please start being interested in me. Barring that, please drop me a note saying "thank you, but I'm not interested" if I take the time to write to you. I know that you're not obligated to, but I'd sure appreciate it.

Thanks,
The guy that should be better at taking a hint


Dear self,

Despite my having written this letter on Dimensions that they'll never read the women's behavior will not change. Start accepting that you (or at least your profile) just isn't that attractive and figure out what to do to change that.

Sincerely,
Awake in Ann Arbor


----------



## DreamyInToronto

Dear quackman:

Should I feel sad and left out that you haven't pm'd me? Do you like Canadian women?

Signed,
DreamyInToronto


----------



## mszwebs

DreamyInToronto said:


> Dear quackman:
> 
> Should I feel sad and left out that you haven't pm'd me? Do you like Canadian women?
> 
> Signed,
> DreamyInToronto



Dear Dreamy,

He DID say "Dating" site he frequents, not "Dimensions" and while sometimes those lines may become crossed...I don't think he meant here lol.

Especially seeing as there is nothing on his profile for anyone to be attracted to or driven away from 

So personally, I wouldn't feel sad...unless of course you're both on a dating site together and you have repeatedly messaged HIM and have gotten no reply...but that would be hypocritical in the face of his original letter haha.

OK. I'm done with the babble. 

~ MsZ


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear Quackman,

In my previous dating site experiences, I often left messages from men unanswered. Why? Because first of all hearing "I don't find you attractive" is never fun, regardless of how nicely it's phrased, and I don't want to do that to people. I'd rather just leave it alone. And secondly because in the past when I have sent messages like that, I get one of three responses: 1) An attempt to convince me that I'm wrong, that I really WOULD be attracted to them, 2) An accusation of being superficial because how can I KNOW I'm not interested in them until I've actually met them, unless I'm basing it on their apperance, and we all know it's superficial to base attraction on appearance, right?!  or 3) Thinly-veiled (or sometimes not at all-veiled) insults that amount to "You're fat, you should be grateful and take what you can get, bitch."

I'm not saying you do this. I'm saying SO MANY men do one of these three things that it puts me off from sending "I'm not interested" messages in return. Hope that helps you understand, at least a little, that non-responses are not malicious.


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear _, 

I can't say to you what I really want to say, because the reprisal just isn't worth it. I will, though, say that I think you're a total fraud, complete hypocrite and annoying as all hell, and I've honestly never disliked a person as much as I dislike you. However, I shall endure and be the bigger person, because the consequences of telling you what I think of you are worse than putting up with you. 

Oh, and...stuff a sock in it. Please. Make that sock an every day accessory - many would thank you - more than you realize, I'm sure, since you live in your own little bubble. 

Signed, 

Sick of you.


----------



## LoveBHMS

Dear Geico:

You are without a doubt the very epitome of why people hate your entire industry. Referring to my accident as "at fault" because I was driving in the snow is the stupidest thing i've ever heard of. What am i supposed to do? Not leave the house in bad weather? And you're saying it was my fault because I was unable to control my vehicle? That is ridiculous. The police came, I was not sited for it, the officer even said it was clearly just due to road conditions. It's really bad when neither the tow truck driver nor the auto mechanic had ever heard of anything so messed up. 

At any rate, I guess you can go on collecting money and not paying claims, nice job. 

L.

Dear Brother-

Thank you so much for choosing to live in an urban area and leaving your old car at dad's house. I'll need to borrow it.

L.

Dear Economy-

Please get better as I'm going to need a better paying job. Very soon.

L.


----------



## Pharadox

Dear R.

You are terrible at your job. One day you will read my work and discover that you were out of your depth trying to tell me how to do my job. Also, your students hate you. But they love me. It might have something to do with this little thing where you make fun of them and belittle them, while I treat them like human beings. Also, you're not fooling me. You didn't want me helping Z because you can't stand that they would come to me any day over approaching you, not because it was "interrupting class" (because it _wasn't_).

Also, telling SO MANY co-workers about your marriage problems when your wife works at the same school is SO LOW. How do you think that makes her feel when it gets around and everyone knows her business? You say you wish you'd never gotten married, and do you know what? I agree. That woman deserves better than you.

Signed,
J

P.S. When you leer at the Assistant Principle it makes me feel sick to my stomach. You're a married man, unhappily or not. And she's a married woman with a baby on the way. It's so inappropriate it's not even funny.


----------



## mimosa

Dear College Homework, 

Can you be a doll and 'do' yourself today? You have to be done by 9:59 pm MT. Thanks a lot. 


Love,

Little Miss Procrastinator

To "do yourself" sounded a little dirty.


----------



## mergirl

dear tartar sauce

Was it you that made my farts smell like something had crawled up my arse and died last night? I feel shit today you bastard..you are going in the bin! 

Toilet lurker


----------



## mergirl

Dear Girlfriend, dog and cat

I appologise for being so stinky. Actually i know only really you care GF as animals sniff bottoms for fun and roll around in sewage. 
Anyway, i blame the tartar sauce. I will go leave the room now. 

x Smelly arse.


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

Dear Stomach...

Well, it happened. I made it 9+ months at this job, and up until now, you've behaved while I was on the clock. But today I spent 4 agonizing hours (and a total of nearly 20 even more agonizing minutes) trying to get through work with you threatening to make me double over in pain. Thankfully, I had to bend down or kneel a lot to stock food. Unfortunately, I was also carrying 40 lbs. bags of dog food when it began, which only made the pain worse.

Next time, when I say WAIT, I hope you'll have the consideration to actually wait a half hour more, when I actually get OFF work, to force me back into the bathroom.

For now, because I know you're angry, I propose a truce. You've left me feeling miserable enough that I'm skipping my first (maybe even second) class today. I'm going to bed. You can join me in peace... or we can face the Porcelain God one more time.

The ball is in your court.
Me


----------



## AuntHen

hmmm... must be bad stomach day...

Dear Body,

Please get better fast. I do not appreciate you getting sick. I am glad I have a job where I can stay home on a day such as this, but I would rather use my paid time off for fun things when I am well. Don't let it happen again. Thanks!

Sincerely,

Me

Dear Me,

Stay away from your co-workers when they say they may have the flu. Duhhhh

Myself


----------



## gypsy

Dear Sinuses, Glands and Lungs,

I know I am garnering much chuckling from my workmates because I look like a freakin chipmunk that has been foraging for a month right now, but I would really appreciate if you would get better. The comedic value is indeed wearing off and truly do not like hacking like I am dying. 

Yours,

Sickie


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe

Everytime it looks like things will get better for him, you send another drama his way. Are you trying to break him, kill his spirit? NOT cool buddy!!!
I love him, and he is hurting...so cut it out now. 

Love,
a very frustrated Kimberly


----------



## Famouslastwords

mergirl said:


> Dear Girlfriend, dog and cat
> 
> I appologise for being so stinky. Actually i know only really you care GF as animals sniff bottoms for fun and roll around in sewage.
> Anyway, i blame the tartar sauce. I will go leave the room now.
> 
> x Smelly arse.



Dear mergirl,

Hell, we like you better after that!

Signed,

Your dog and cat


----------



## SMA413

Dear "Cali"-

Thanks for the info earlier. While I thought it would destroy me and my boyfriend's relationship, it ended up only making it stronger. I never thought I would have had to do it, but I actually made him choose between you and me. He chose me before I even finished the sentence. So do me a major favor- fuck off.

Thanks
His real "one true love"

-----

Dear work schedule-
I have a love/hate relationship with you right now. While I'm LOVING the 5 days off/3 days on that I've had every week since Christmas, I always hate that first night back at work. I guess I better enjoy it now before my ridiculously crazy schedule starts up next week.
- Worker Bee

-----

Dear boyfriend-
I love you and everything you do for me. I know this past week was rough starting your new job but it'll get easier soon.
- Your princess


----------



## mergirl

Dear dog and cat.

I KNEW it! Dogger..it may have been the salaivation after i trumped and cat it was the fact that you still sat on my arse even though i could not see you through the vapors. 
Thanks you stinky all forgiving snoofers!!

xmum


----------



## archivaltype

Dear life,

Thank you. :happy:

Much love,
me.


----------



## thejuicyone

Dear me,

Where the hell have you been?

xo


----------



## CleverBomb

Dear Google;

I wouldn't be quite as confused right now as I am, if you'd returned a result for "HPR" that explained what a previous poster was talking about.

Neither Public Radio, Harvard, biology, nor High Power Rocketry made sense in that context. 

-Rusty


----------



## Paquito

I'm confused...and very intrigued.

Who wants popcorn?


----------



## Pharadox

CleverBomb said:


> Dear Google;
> 
> I wouldn't be quite as confused right now as I am, if you'd returned a result for "HPR" that explained what a previous poster was talking about.
> 
> Neither Public Radio, Harvard, biology, nor High Power Rocketry made sense in that context.
> 
> -Rusty



Yeah, tell me about it. The one time that google decides to be useless, right? Bad timing, google. I should just stop being so nosey, really. But I can't help myself. :blush: Curiosity killed the cat. It's a good thing I'm human.


----------



## Paquito

So cross-referencing it with another thread, it appears that HPR is the Hyde Park Dimensions Facebook Group.


----------



## Miss Vickie

free2beme04 said:


> I'm confused...and very intrigued.
> 
> Who wants popcorn?



Nah, I'm done. Getting back at other Dimensions members is not what these threads are about. But since I had a dis-honorary mention in Stan's letter, I felt I should respond.

Back to your regularly schedule (hopefully more adult-like) letters. And back to the (grad school) salt mines for me! And to that end...

Dear Brain,

Yeah I know you're not 20 years old anymore, but could you maybe work a little more efficiently? Maybe remember "important" facts for more than ten seconds? It would be very much appreciated... by me... by my instructors... and my patients.

Not so much love,

Me


----------



## CleverBomb

free2beme04 said:


> So cross-referencing it with another thread, it appears that HPR is the Hyde Park Dimensions Facebook Group.


Ah, ok. Thanks!

Much less confused now,
-Rusty, non-facebooking


----------



## Mathias

Dear John Stewart,

I thought Ben Afleck's Keith Olbermann impression was better than yours. Just sayin.

-Matt


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear sciatica
Fuck off, will you?
Terri


----------



## Dmitra

Dear Sanity,

You're overrated.

Q


----------



## Suze

Dear Dims
Good luck!

-Suze


----------



## Mathias

Dear Dims

Last night was fun. We should do it again sometime. 

-Matt


----------



## LoveBHMS

Dear Matt:

Only if you're _classy._

L.


----------



## Mathias

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Matt:
> 
> Only if you're _classy._
> 
> L.



Oh, but of course! :happy:


----------



## NancyGirl74

Dear characters from the movie The Hangover ~

I love you all! Thank you for putting a smile on my face. Needed that. 

Nancy

PS...He looked like a Carlos to me too, Alan.


----------



## Risible

Please refrain from using this thread or any other to mock, bait, or insult other posters. Further violations will result in infractions and/or time-outs.

I have had to delete several posts of this nature recently, and it will not be tolerated.

/mod


----------



## Weeze

Dear You.

Please don't call me pretty. It kills me.


Krissy.


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Dear Keli Roberts from Kickboxing Bootcamp--

I hate you for making my body hurt... But I also love you for it!

And now I need a shower from sweating so much!

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## fatgirlflyin

Dear you,

It's been a nice ride, too bad it couldn't have lasted a little longer.

Saying goodbye, 


Me


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Me,

Don't be ridiculous! You are a fool sometimes! :doh:

Sincerely,

Yourself


----------



## Gingembre

Dear man-who-i-know-i-should-cut-loose-but-these-things-are-always-easier-said-than-done-and-i'm-just-too-much-of-an-optimistic/naive-loser-to-do-that-even-though-you-don't-deserve-me,

I'm trying to plan my BIRTHDAY here - is too much to answer a text requiring a simple "yes" or "no"? My friend wants to know what I'm doing in my lunchbreak - i want to honour our "date" and see you, but i need to let my friend know, like, a few hours ago if I am going to meet her instead. Are you gonna be in Newbs on Wednesday...YES OR NO? For F**ks Sake!

If I don't have an answer when I get up tomorrow morning, I'm chosing the friend. And that would be a MISTAKE on your part...a big mistake.

Now stop being stuck a c**k and text me back.

<3 me x


----------



## gypsy

Dear Rogers Wireless,

Gawd you guys suck sometimes. But I guess you don't suck as much as some carriers; at least I'm getting a free month of my data plan because I had to wipe out everything on my HTC Dream (tmobile users: it's the Canadian version of the G1) and start from scratch again. All because we need to be able to call 911 from our phones. Sheesh.

Signed,

Woulda Lost It Without Wifi



Oh and .....



Dear HTC,

Can you please include your own backup and restore app with the phone in the future? It was a pain in the ass trying to find a decent free one today. 

Kthxbai.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Thread,

I seem to miss a lot sometimes.....and not exclusively in this particular thread either!

Suspecting it's not always a bad thing,
Moi


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear Men,

I'm sick of you ignoring me just because I'm fat.

Fuck you, assholes.

Sincerely,

Glad I'm dating an a floppy dicked bastard-FLW


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear FLW,

Make him jump up and down naked if you really want to see some dick flopping.

Always glad to be of service with helpful suggestions,
Moi


----------



## DreamyInToronto

Dear FamousLastWords:

First of all, you are a cutie pie! Second, what does LFW and FLW mean?

Signed,
a confused DreamyInToronto

xoxoxo


----------



## mszwebs

DreamyInToronto said:


> Dear FamousLastWords:
> 
> First of all, you are a cutie pie! Second, what does LFW and FLW mean?
> 
> Signed,
> a confused DreamyInToronto
> 
> xoxoxo



*L*ittle*F*airy*W*ren 
and 
*F*amous*L*ast*W*ords


----------



## DreamyInToronto

Dear mszwebs:

Thank you!!!! xoxo


----------



## Famouslastwords

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear FLW,
> 
> Make him jump up and down naked if you really want to see some dick flopping.
> 
> Always glad to be of service with helpful suggestions,
> Moi



GEF,
I see enough floppy dick in my head every time I picture trying to have sex with him. He refuses to even kiss me on his own unless I ask him to because he's afraid "it will start something that will disappoint me."
Sigh,

Signed,
Fucked either way




DreamyInToronto said:


> Dear FamousLastWords:
> 
> First of all, you are a cutie pie! Second, what does LFW and FLW mean?
> 
> Signed,
> a confused DreamyInToronto
> xoxoxo



Dear Dreamy,

Thanks!

Signed FLW




mszwebs said:


> *L*ittle*F*airy*W*ren
> and
> *F*amous*L*ast*W*ords



Dear Msz,

Thanks for having my back chica, I was doing homework. It's boring.

Signed,

Bored FLW


----------



## Paquito

Dear University,

I don't appreciate having two finals on the same day. I don't appreciate having them back to back, with no time to study in between. And least of all, I don't appreciate it being on Cinco de Mayo. What a slap en _la cara_ for my people. I will be lodging a formal complaint con Internal Affairs.


----------



## joswitch

Dear Tiger Woods... There are clearly two things in life you're good at.. And monogamy ain't one... Dude, check out of the "clinic", divorce your crazy loco violent wife and get back to doing what you do best - winning everything and shagging like a sultan! Enjoy your life!


----------



## gypsy

Dear Walking Pneumonia,

I really wished I had never met you.

Sincerely,

Sickie


----------



## littlefairywren

Famouslastwords said:


> GEF,
> I see enough floppy dick in my head every time I picture trying to have sex with him. *He refuses to even kiss me on his own unless I ask him to because he's afraid "it will start something that will disappoint me."*
> Sigh,
> 
> Signed,
> Fucked either way



This made me cry 
I am sorry you are in that kind of mess FLW, it is a horrible place to be in. Big (((hugs))).


----------



## TraciJo67

joswitch said:


> Dear Tiger Woods... There are clearly two things in life you're good at.. And monogamy ain't one... Dude, check out of the "clinic", divorce your crazy loco violent wife and get back to doing what you do best - winning everything and shagging like a sultan! Enjoy your life!


 
.. and dearest Tiger, while you're at it:
Please don't worry about any permanent damage that you may have done your innocent children. You have lots of money to pay for therapy bills ... and even to buy Junior/Juniorette's way out of trouble if/when they start acting out later.

Lub,
A fan


----------



## mossystate

TraciJo67 said:


> .. and dearest Tiger, while you're at it:
> Please don't worry about any permanent damage that you may have done your innocent children. You have lots of money to pay for therapy bills ... and even to buy Junior/Juniorette's way out of trouble if/when they start acting out later.
> 
> Lub,
> A fan



...and goofy Tiger, while your at it: Please do not worry about how many times you gambled with you wife's life with the possibility of bringing actual deadly diseases to the homefront, that you lovingly spoke of, in order to piss on a bunch of actual human beings. Oh, and, yeah, the pesky issues of the children that you abused....yes, doing what you did is child abuse. Yes, go play-play and hit a ball with a stick. You are a god to a certain kind of man. 

Smooch, 
Mossything


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear ball crushers,

How dare you care about anybody but the the man? Women and children are disposable trash, don't you know? Sow your wild oats and who gives a shit who gets hurt. You guys are a bunch of harpies you know that? The man just wants to be a frickin' sultan of swing for godsakes!

Signed,

FLW

P.S.
Do I get extra points for quoting a Dire Straits song title?


----------



## joswitch

mossystate said:


> ...and goofy Tiger, while your at it: Please do not worry about how many times you gambled with you wife's life with the possibility of bringing actual deadly diseases to the homefront, that you lovingly spoke of, in order to piss on a bunch of actual human beings. Oh, and, yeah, the pesky issues of the children that you abused....yes, doing what you did is child abuse. Yes, go play-play and hit a ball with a stick. You are a god to a certain kind of man.
> 
> Smooch,
> Mossything



W.T.F.! Having affairs with consenting adults does NOT = "child abuse". Trying to equate the two helps no-one. Least of all any victims of actual child abuse.


----------



## joswitch

TraciJo67 said:


> .. and dearest Tiger, while you're at it:
> Please don't worry about any permanent damage that you may have done your innocent children. You have lots of money to pay for therapy bills ... and even to buy Junior/Juniorette's way out of trouble if/when they start acting out later.
> 
> Lub,
> A fan



Children of cordial divorces are likely happier than children of furious marriages.
(Certainly in my experience. Although my father didn't only have affairs (if only!) he was ACTUALLY abusive to us. Verbally and physically.)


----------



## TraciJo67

joswitch said:


> W.T.F.! Having affairs with consenting adults does NOT = "child abuse". Trying to equate the two helps no-one. Least of all any victims of actual child abuse.


 
Dear Josey,
What do you think Tiger's children are going through right now? Certainly, the intent to harm his children wasn't there (we hope) but while he was thinking with his all-important gonads, he clearly didn't give enough consideration to what this would do to his family -- including his young children -- while he was out plowing other fields. That's child abuse in my book. Not the "haul you away and throw you in jail while removing the children from your custody" sort ... but child abuse, nonetheless.

Dear FLW,
Shut yer trap you skanky 'ho. 
Luv,
Not only the Prez but also a Member, DTL


----------



## mossystate

joswitch said:


> W.T.F.! Having affairs with consenting adults does NOT = "child abuse". Trying to equate the two helps no-one. Least of all any victims of actual child abuse.



How about lose the ' consenting adult ' angle of things and, oh, I don't know...look at it from a childs point of view. Daddy has decided that his family was not important enough to protect...making the children know their family life is not only not stable...BUT...daddy is a public figure, so he pretty much knew that, on top of the ' normal ' hounding, the kiddies will get the added crap of what a ' whore ' their papa is. If you do not get that this is abusive and damaging to a child...and you can only seeeeeee the ' obvious ' kinds of abuse......then I cant W.T.F. help you.


----------



## LoveBHMS

Presumably the other 11 month old babies will harass Tiger Woods' child mercilessly. Let's be real...this is Tiger Woods' kid and he's going to be like the richest kid on the plant, as will his sister. Those kids will be deified by their peers once they exit the crib.

Anyone equating being a cad with child abuse needs to spend a long afternoon and the Bureau of Child Services. Possibly 2 afternoons.


----------



## joswitch

mossystate said:


> How about lose the ' consenting adult ' angle of things and, oh, I don't know...look at it from a childs point of view.



@the Wood's house:
Dad's away a lot. Mum is angry and sad. Dad comes home. Mum goes ape shit and beats the crap out of him. Tears. Shouting. Kids not happy.
Parents get a divorce. No more fights. Dad visits. Everyone reasonably happy.

See, I lived through this as a child. I KNOW. 
Except: I was on the receiving end of ACTUAL violent abuse as a child, as was my brother, and my Mum. 
Dad shagging other women = by comparsion a non-issue from my (child) POV.
Certainly not "abuse".
Trying to lump it as such just cheapens the term. Which might lead to ACTUAL abuse being taken less seriously. That is a very bad thing.


----------



## Blackjack

Dear people,

I believe there's a Tiger Woods thread elsewhere for this sort of discussion.

Sincerely,
Keep it out of this thread which is for something _entirely different_


----------



## mossystate

It is emotionally abusive. The End. Anyone should see how things should not be reduced down to almost a competition, and that most sane people understand there are degrees, and how strapping a child down and burning them with cigarettes, while punching them in the gut, is a most ' immediate ' kind of abuse. 
People need to know that it is proper to use the word, when it is known that scrambled family situations DO carry with them, a sense of being unsettled and low self esteem for kids as they get older....no matter how much money a parent might have, or how many times their mug is on whatever colors of carpets. When words are never used...it is one reason parents like this never really stop and think about how their actions can make or break their kids. 

That you have to wait sometimes to see the results...doesn't make it any less important to address. You might not see all ' these ' kids at Child Protective Services...but you sure as fuck do see how often their lives turn to shit. But, it doesn't matter...dad was just a tomcat, and has money. Oy.


----------



## joswitch

must. stop.


----------



## Famouslastwords

So what you think Octo-mom isn't guilty of abuse? j/w?


----------



## Risible

Blackjack said:


> Dear people,
> 
> I believe there's a Tiger Woods thread elsewhere for this sort of discussion.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Keep it out of this thread which is for something _entirely different_



You're right, Blackjack.

No more Hyde Park-style posts, please; further such posts will be edited/deleted, and infractions may be handed out.

/mod


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear FLW

I think I love you. :smitten:

Me


----------



## katorade

Famouslastwords said:


> So what you think Octo-mom isn't guilty of abuse? j/w?




Abuse of my eyes? Plastic surgery abuse? Abuse of the meaning of the word "news"?


----------



## Famouslastwords

luscious_lulu said:


> Dear FLW
> 
> I think I love you. :smitten:
> 
> Me



Dear "luscious"(omnomnom) Lulu,

Hey babeh

Hehehehe,

FLW


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe,

So it looks like you sent me that parcel we spoke about last year. I like the parcel, but it needs work....because you forgot to include the instructions with this model. 

Do me a huge favour now, go and play with someone else for a while so I can get the hang of this one.

Love 

Kimberly


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear You.
Who taught you to be such a nasty-mouthed person? 
I really think you are the most vulgar person I've ever seen (and I know a lot of people so that's saying something). I can't believe that someone your age is so lewd and disgusting. I cringe everytime you are around and sometimes the things that you say make me want to take a wire scrub brush and a gallon of bleach and scrub out your filthy mouth--and then take lysol and scratch pads and do the same to your brain...cos I think there is a possibiliy that there's toxic mold or something really icky in there.
Please find somewhere else to unload your craptastic vulgar ideas. We really don't want to hear it anymore.
Terri


----------



## Dmitra

Dearest younger kitty,

Sitting two inches from my ear and yowling loudly at 3am is irretrievably rude behavior unless your food or water is empty, you've somehow filled or tipped over the litter box, or the house is on fire. Please take note.

Sleepily,
Your serf


----------



## Fat.n.sassy

<I will never again take that medication's patented Shitmaself(tm) technology for granted. >

OMG! I nearly had an accident laughing!


----------



## Weirdo890

Dear Computer Chair, 

Thank you for supporting my fat ass for all of the long periods of time I've been on. Thank you for not breaking down. You're a tough chair and I respect that. *thumbs up*


----------



## swamptoad

DameQ said:


> Dearest younger kitty,
> 
> Sitting two inches from my ear and yowling loudly at 3am is irretrievably rude behavior unless your food or water is empty, you've somehow filled or tipped over the litter box, or the house is on fire. Please take note.
> 
> Sleepily,
> Your serf




*lol* heheheh cute!


----------



## Paquito

Dear onesentence.org,

Thank you for making me go through joy, laughter, sorrow, and empathy in just a short amount of entries.


----------



## Famouslastwords

Lovelyone said:


> Dear You.
> Who taught you to be such a nasty-mouthed person?
> I really think you are the most vulgar person I've ever seen (and I know a lot of people so that's saying something). I can't believe that someone your age is so lewd and disgusting. I cringe everytime you are around and sometimes the things that you say make me want to take a wire scrub brush and a gallon of bleach and scrub out your filthy mouth--and then take lysol and scratch pads and do the same to your brain...cos I think there is a possibiliy that there's toxic mold or something really icky in there.
> Please find somewhere else to unload your craptastic vulgar ideas. We really don't want to hear it anymore.
> Terri



Please don't scrub t3h brainzorz!
I already have a low IQ!



Weirdo890 said:


> Dear Computer Chair,
> 
> Thank you for supporting my fat ass for all of the long periods of time I've been on. Thank you for not breaking down. You're a tough chair and I respect that. *thumbs up*



I feel the same respect for the many computer chairs I've laid to rest.


----------



## disaster117

Dear Uncle John,

Way to completely miss the point of my facebook comment and also completely miss the sarcasm of it. Nice going with blowing it way out of proportion and accusing me of being all of these things that I'm not, including that I act like my mother. Thank you for making it easy for me to not care as much about your life because you like to exhibit this kind of power over everyone else around you. That type of person is not someone that I wish to associate with, and it's hard to say this because you're my family and I've always loved you and always will, but I seriously lost so much respect for you. I also wish you would reply to my well thought out, articulate response to your not so articulate and grammatically incorrect paragraph about what I need to do for my own life and how I should learn to grow up. I want some closure, because I'm sure you're not going to admit that you were wrong, and I'm pretty positive you're going to tell me that I can't talk to my uncle that way. Let me tell you something. I am 19 years old. I am no longer under your "family control" or whatever you people call it. Respect your elders? You're like 38. You don't count yet for that in my mind, and I wish that you'd reconsider the whole "I'm not your friend I'm your uncle" line. Really? You're going to say something like that? Okay well I'm glad you feel that we can't transcend the stupid family hierarchy shit but I wish more of our family would like that idea because I feel we could all be really good friends. But no of course not, you have to be there having all of your power over the young'ns right? 

Really. :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:

Your loving niece, 
Alyssa


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear spring--must you wait so long to be sprung? *sigh


----------



## mimosa

Dear diary,

Ahhh yes...crushes. :wubu: 

I have a school girl crush on someone. I told him already howI feel. He makes my chubby cheeks blush a rosy color. It's sweet, friendly and sometimes a little bit naughty. I think that's the right combination. 

It also helps that he bakes chocolate cakes with caramel in the middle.

I wouldn't mind someday tasting some of his delicious......cake. 

Too old to be a school girl....(But in college anyway.)

Mimosa


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear DIMS,

I'm starting to notice a trend here. 

Category 1eople who are bitchy about stupid things, are usually always bitchy about stupid things, and thus their rep reflects it.

Whereas:
Category 2: The people who are usually fun, funny, nice, bitchy about important issues, serious business, thoughtful, OR friendly, generally have more rep than the others.

Keep bitching Category 1, you're saving all the rep for me... I mean, Category 2.

P.S. This is not in reference to a specific thread. I've just noticed trends in reps lately.


----------



## mimosa

Dear First Love

Now you made me believe that "forever" with your first love is overrated. It's funny how you were suppose to be the one. You were for many years. It use to break my heart that you didn't desire me. But now I am okay with it. I know who I am now. I have learned that there are a handful of those that truly desire me. For a long time I thought I was the one that had undesirable qualities. Now I know it's you that sucks...big time. I am thankful for the things that you did for me. But I am done. Please let me go peacefully. I hope we can be friends in the future. 


Thank you

Mimosa


----------



## Proner

Dear Coffee,

Thanks so much to bring life to my body every morning and avoid me to be a walking zombie who try to eat his co-worker's brains... well maybe it will be not that bad for some co-workers 

Proner


----------



## Gingembre

Dear bank balance,

Please multiply yourself by about 1000. I don't think that's asking too much. Lol.

<3 me, who has so many things she wants to do but cant afford


----------



## kayrae

ugh, jerkfaces



Gingembre said:


> Dear man-who-i-know-i-should-cut-loose-but-these-things-are-always-easier-said-than-done-and-i'm-just-too-much-of-an-optimistic/naive-loser-to-do-that-even-though-you-don't-deserve-me,
> 
> I'm trying to plan my BIRTHDAY here - is too much to answer a text requiring a simple "yes" or "no"? My friend wants to know what I'm doing in my lunchbreak - i want to honour our "date" and see you, but i need to let my friend know, like, a few hours ago if I am going to meet her instead. Are you gonna be in Newbs on Wednesday...YES OR NO? For F**ks Sake!
> 
> If I don't have an answer when I get up tomorrow morning, I'm chosing the friend. And that would be a MISTAKE on your part...a big mistake.
> 
> Now stop being stuck a c**k and text me back.
> 
> <3 me x


----------



## Gingembre

kayrae said:


> ugh, jerkfaces



Indeed. It's alright though - i told him last week I'd given up on him. Not my preferred choice of situation, but overall i feel much better now i have decided to cut him out.


----------



## mimosa

Dear strange guy that contacted me...


Maybe it's just for the best that you left me alone. I prefer to chat with calm people that enjoy a peaceful conversion about life and love. Why would you expect for me to answer where I live if I do not know who the [email protected]$* you are??????????????? You left right on time. Bless your heart. 




Stalked at 6,202 ft

Mimosa


----------



## swamptoad

mimosa said:


> Dear strange guy that contacted me...
> 
> 
> Maybe it's just for the best that you left me alone. I prefer to chat with calm people that enjoy a peaceful conversion about life and love. Why would you expect for me to answer where I live if I do not know who the [email protected]$* you are??????????????? You left right on time. Bless your heart.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Stalked at 6,202 ft
> 
> Mimosa





ugh!!! 

crazy stalker folks.


----------



## steely

Dear job market,

I know I've been gone for a while. I understand that my previous experience is not worth the resume paper it is printed on, all 12 years of it. I know you are going to pay me very little because of this. If you just give me a chance, I promise you will not regret choosing me for the position. I am a great employee!

Signed,
Just one chance, please.


----------



## littlefairywren

steely said:


> Dear job market,
> 
> I know I've been gone for a while. I understand that my previous experience is not worth the resume paper it is printed on, all 12 years of it. I know you are going to pay me very little because of this. If you just give me a chance, I promise you will not regret choosing me for the position. I am a great employee!
> 
> Signed,
> Just one chance, please.



Good luck steely...I will cross my fingers for you!


----------



## swamptoad

steely said:


> Dear job market,
> 
> I know I've been gone for a while. I understand that my previous experience is not worth the resume paper it is printed on, all 12 years of it. I know you are going to pay me very little because of this. If you just give me a chance, I promise you will not regret choosing me for the position. I am a great employee!
> 
> Signed,
> Just one chance, please.




well-written! :bow: Best of luck.


----------



## steely

littlefairywren said:


> Good luck steely...I will cross my fingers for you!





swamptoad said:


> well-written! :bow: Best of luck.



Thanks, you two. :happy: It's getting hard not to be discouraged.


----------



## Famouslastwords

steely said:


> Dear job market,
> 
> I know I've been gone for a while. I understand that my previous experience is not worth the resume paper it is printed on, all 12 years of it. I know you are going to pay me very little because of this. If you just give me a chance, I promise you will not regret choosing me for the position. I am a great employee!
> 
> Signed,
> Just one chance, please.



Good luck Steely! I hope you get the job, I really do. You're a good gal, and you deserve the best.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear snow--enough is enough. Go away! Isn't it bad enough that its cold out? do we REALLY need more snow? GO AWAY!


----------



## mergirl

dear period

Yay, you came. I'm not a psychotic, nymphomaniac of a wreak of a person after all. 
much

mer

Eta-This is the first time i have used white! I know actually saying this negates the whole point of using it.. but i am just so happy in my own sneakyness i have created an oxymoron type situation.. gah!


----------



## MisticalMisty

steely said:


> Dear job market,
> 
> I know I've been gone for a while. I understand that my previous experience is not worth the resume paper it is printed on, all 12 years of it. I know you are going to pay me very little because of this. If you just give me a chance, I promise you will not regret choosing me for the position. I am a great employee!
> 
> Signed,
> Just one chance, please.


Dear Job Market,

Please give my husband and Steely a job. Rob has been out of one for almost 10 months and although I'd rather have a different house..I don't want to loose this one because of foreclosure.

Oh, I hate mine, so this preschool job at the elementary would kick ass and we could afford to live..just a little.

Thanks,
Concerned wife and friend


----------



## AuntHen

Dear people who like to drive and talk on cell phones,

Don't!

Sincerely,

Me


----------



## kayrae

dear mouth, 

please talk to teeth and tell him to calm the fuck down

hearts and kisses, me


----------



## LisaInNC

Dear Chest Cold, 

I hate your face!! Go away before I jump off of a cliff! I NEED sleep!!

Hate you sincerely, 

Lisa


----------



## Blackjack

Dear _Battlestar Galactica _Season Three finale:

Holy shit. FRAK ME.

Did not see that coming... at all. Wow.

LOST is really gonna have to kick things up a few notches to compare.

Sincerely,
-My mind is BLOWN


----------



## Dmitra

Dear Heart,

Well, what did you expect? Nothing, and that's what you got.

Told you so,
Brain


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear friend,
You wanted to know why I said goodnight and went to bed early. 
When I told you that I was having pains in my chest and shoulders which hurt so badly that I felt I might be having a heart attack...your comment of "go eat another big mac" hurt my feelings exponentially. I was stunned, hurt, and insulted by that comment and in fact, it made me cry. You were the last person I would have thought would say something like that. Not only did you hurt my feelings, but you also showed me that I care more about you, than you do for me. Had anyone told me they were having chest pains...my first instinct would be to tell them to see a doctor and get some help. My first concern would be to see that they are okay and safe. Your first concern was to insult me and make me feel as if I was not important enough to warrant even a polite consideration. 
We've spent a lot of time getting to know one another, years in fact...and I valued our friendship above most others, hung on your every word and hoped for more than friendship from you. Last night you showed me that our friendship is simply me making you a priority...and you thinking of me as an option. I will remain friends with you...but I've moved you further down the list of my priorities. I hope that you don't feel as insulted as I did when you realize that you are not as important to me today as you were 24 hours ago.
Terri


----------



## Pharadox

Lovelyone said:


> Dear friend,
> You wanted to know why I said goodnight and went to bed early.
> When I told you that I was having pains in my chest and shoulders which hurt so badly that I felt I might be having a heart attack...your comment of "go eat another big mac" hurt my feelings exponentially. I was stunned, hurt, and insulted by that comment and in fact, it made me cry. You were the last person I would have thought would say something like that. Not only did you hurt my feelings, but you also showed me that I care more about you, than you do for me. Had anyone told me they were having chest pains...my first instinct would be to tell them to see a doctor and get some help. My first concern would be to see that they are okay and safe. Your first concern was to insult me and make me feel as if I was not important enough to warrant even a polite consideration.
> We've spent a lot of time getting to know one another, years in fact...and I valued our friendship above most others, hung on your every word and hoped for more than friendship from you. Last night you showed me that our friendship is simply me making you a priority...and you thinking of me as an option. I will remain friends with you...but I've moved you further down the list of my priorities. I hope that you don't feel as insulted as I did when you realize that you are not as important to me today as you were 24 hours ago.
> Terri



Wow, I'm so sorry that was said to you...  *hugs* No one deserves that kind of response. They say that we hurt the ones we love the most because we know they'll still love us no matter what we say, but some things do really take it too far. I hope your chest is feeling much better today and if it isn't, please do go see someone about it.

Speaking of big macs, I had one yesterday.  Lots of people did. Thin people too. People without chest pains, as well. So your friend's comment was really quite silly and unreasonable.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Pharadox said:


> Wow, I'm so sorry that was said to you...  *hugs* No one deserves that kind of response. They say that we hurt the ones we love the most because we know they'll still love us no matter what we say, but some things do really take it too far. I hope your chest is feeling much better today and if it isn't, please do go see someone about it.
> 
> Speaking of big macs, I had one yesterday.  Lots of people did. Thin people too. People without chest pains, as well. So your friend's comment was really quite silly and unreasonable.




I totally agree....that "friend" sounds like a real ass. You deserve much better Terri. Hope you are feeling better today.


----------



## quackman

Dear world,

I was really expecting today to be a day to see lots of hot fat women. Seriously, why taunt me with a day called Fat Tuesday if the only fat that I'd get to see is my own? Work on this for next year...

Donald


----------



## littlefairywren

Lovelyone said:


> Dear friend,
> You wanted to know why I said goodnight and went to bed early.
> When I told you that I was having pains in my chest and shoulders which hurt so badly that I felt I might be having a heart attack...your comment of "go eat another big mac" hurt my feelings exponentially. I was stunned, hurt, and insulted by that comment and in fact, it made me cry. You were the last person I would have thought would say something like that. Not only did you hurt my feelings, but you also showed me that I care more about you, than you do for me. Had anyone told me they were having chest pains...my first instinct would be to tell them to see a doctor and get some help. My first concern would be to see that they are okay and safe. Your first concern was to insult me and make me feel as if I was not important enough to warrant even a polite consideration.
> We've spent a lot of time getting to know one another, years in fact...and I valued our friendship above most others, hung on your every word and hoped for more than friendship from you. Last night you showed me that our friendship is simply me making you a priority...and you thinking of me as an option. I will remain friends with you...but I've moved you further down the list of my priorities. I hope that you don't feel as insulted as I did when you realize that you are not as important to me today as you were 24 hours ago.
> Terri



Big (((hugs))) Terri.
That so called friend of yours, is a pecker head


----------



## Ruffie

Dear folks

I am tired of your lip service to me. You say you are gonna be there for me, help me out, listen to me, meet me for drinks, lunch, coffee or whatever but ... You have a view of me that I am a strong woman and therefore should be able to shrug stuff off and keep on trucking and being the woman YOUR vision is -rather than the woman I am trying to tell you that I am. You know all the stuff I have been through lately. The backstabbing, the game playing, working my ass off at work, helping so many people with their issues. And then comes the suicide of one of the kids from the workplace and I am just supposed to deal and move on? This is the fourth such blow this year, never mind all the other crap you know I am dealing with. And let you can't let me say enough? 

You have been amazing friends in the past, but you just need to understand that I am full up. You say you want to help well then step up to the plate and offer. I am tired of anticipating only to be let down. I need some time to get myself back up and dust myself off before I can start trucking again. Hopefully when I am calmer we can discuss this, but if you keep pushing what I have to say will be raw and honest.


----------



## Fluffy51888

Dear Dad,

I'm angry with you for making me lie to people. All this time, when people asked me about you, I'd say, "He's not that bad." I was wrong. And now I'm angry. And sad cause I wish it were true, the way it used to be. :really sad:


----------



## Mathias

Dear _______

Quit bragging about how you aren't taking Choir for credit. BIG FUCKING DEAL. Not only do I not give a damn, but you aren't the only one that isn't doing that. So when you say "Oh what's the teacher going to do. I could show up for the concert but miss all the other rehearsals and she wouldn't say shit." It makes you look bad. Same when you come to class drunk or whenever you leave for 30 minutes to smoke a cigarette. Hell, the last two weeks you haven't been at class I could actually focus on what the hell I was supposed to be doing without you going off in my ear about how you hate every song we sing. I don't even get why you're there.

Grow up already.

-Matt


----------



## Blackjack

Canada,

I am disappoint.

There is NO REASON that game should've gone into overtime, or a shootout. You didn't just get sloppy, you got stupid. You kept fumbling shots and passes, you were trying to make passes where there was nothing but ice... you're better than this. Hockey is _your sport_.

However- Brodeur, you're downright awesome. You let two slip by, but you had some great saves.

Sincerely,
I got way too into that game


----------



## kayrae

dear kevin smith, 

i feel your rage.

<3 K


----------



## LovelyLiz

To: All the mouthy, opinionated women in the world

You are great. Please don't stop putting your voices out there and standing firm even when people you run across try to shame you or shut you down. Even though sitting prettily and smiling silently might minimize the hostility directed your way, and trust me - I know that can seem really attractive at times, it's not worth it in the end. I'm on your side, and glad you exist. Keep fighting the good fight!

Sincerely,

Someone feeling inspired by the song _Face Up and Sing _by Ani Difranco today


----------



## Surlysomething

Sometimes, as much as I want to comment, I can't because the DUMB is just too big.


----------



## Shala

Dear Weather Gods,

Can you send a nice, sexy thunderstorm my way tonight...I have this thing about sex and thunderstorms.

Sincerely,

Me


----------



## disaster117

Dear you,

I think I'm finally starting to be okay with this situation. I desperately want you back, but at the same time I don't. Is that a common thing? I've never felt this way about another person before so I wouldn't know. I just want you to know that you gave me the best 8 months of my life, and that I'll never forget them. I'm just sorry they had to end. 

-Alyssa


----------



## shinyapple

Dear TS -

I never thought my love for reality jail shows would result in me sitting at home, seeing you under arrest and being treated as a combative inmate. Thanks to Facebook, I knew you lived in the city being shown and as soon as your face showed up on screen, I immediately yelled to my mother that it was you. 

Thanks for the laughs. I see that the fourteen years since high school graduation have neither given you any maturity or ability to deal with life. Don't think it escaped notice that you are fat now too!

Good luck with what you're doing. If Daddy keeps bailing you out, I can only hope you DO end up in prison and learn a lesson. I guess some things never change.

Still laughing, 
The Fat Girl


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear Universe,

Please stop busting my balls. We are good people. We need a little help..mmmkay?

Thanks


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Great Whatever,
Please let the Legislature come up with something better then a 6% paycut. If I do have to take the cut, at least find a me a smoking hot roomie that loves Billy May music.
Hugs
Me aka Gilmorris the Koala's friend.


----------



## Haunted

MisticalMisty said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> Please stop busting my balls. We are good people. We need a little help..mmmkay?
> 
> Thanks



ME TOO PLEASE


----------



## disaster117

Dear woman in my Abnormal Psychology class,

Just because you can speak louder than the rest of our class does not mean your argument is more valid. 

Also, please stop generalizing from personal experiences when trying to say you have evidence for something being true or correct, or false (as the professor told you). It needs to be restated because you just have not learned. 

Also stop being a huge preachy bitch. Learn to be able to like, accept someone else's opinion as possible; you're not always right.


----------



## Weeze

Dear Krissy,

He's not going to leave her for you. Stop wasting your time. He's not... going... to... leave... her. No matter how unhappy he claims he is, don't fall for it again. Please, please, please do us a favor and don't fall for it again. 

I love you,
Krissy.


----------



## mszwebs

krismiss said:


> Dear Krissy,
> 
> He's not going to leave her for you. Stop wasting your time. He's not... going... to... leave... her. No matter how unhappy he claims he is, don't fall for it again. Please, please, please do us a favor and don't fall for it again.
> 
> I love you,
> Krissy.



Dear Krissy.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

No, for real.

NO.

I love you too,

Jess


----------



## kayrae

dear krissy, 

have you not learned anything from tiger woods yet? he.will.not.leave.her.

hugs.


----------



## quackman

Dear world,

If I change my name to happy fun ball will you stop taunting me?

Thanks,
DSA, not yet a.k.a. HFB


----------



## MisticalMisty

krismiss said:


> Dear Krissy,
> 
> He's not going to leave her for you. Stop wasting your time. He's not... going... to... leave... her. No matter how unhappy he claims he is, don't fall for it again. Please, please, please do us a favor and don't fall for it again.
> 
> I love you,
> Krissy.



Dear Krissy,

You are a beautiful, intelligent young woman who deserves so much better. I hope your heart will listen to your head this time.

This made me think of a favorite song of mine:

Stay by Sugarland

I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone and I'll be crying

And I'll be begging you, baby, beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waiting with my heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years and I think I'm dying
What do I have to do to make you see she can't love you like me?

Why don't you stay? I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely, don't I give you what you need?
When she calls you to go, there is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way, baby, why don't you stay? Yeah

You keep telling me, baby there will come a time
When you will leave her arms and forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting
It's too much pain to have to bear to love a man you have to share

Why don't you stay? I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely, don't I give you what you need?
When she calls you to go, there is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way, baby, why don't you stay?
*
I can't take it any longer but my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute after all that I've put in it
I've given you my best, why does she get the best of you?
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine*

*Why don't you stay? I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely, you can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go, there is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way, baby, why don't you stay?* Yeah, oh


----------



## butch

Oh yeah, "Stay" is a good one, Misty. That song and this one, "Getting Ready," by Patty Griffin, helped me get through my similar situation:

Oh, baby, I'm getting ready
I'm getting ready to let you go
My hands shake, my heart's unsteady
Oh, how I once loved you so

I know all the magic's gone
Wish I had a magic wand
I would put a spell on you
You would see it as I do
Oh, I'm getting ready to let you go
Oh, I'm getting ready to let you go

Oh, baby, you were my drug
And I was just your cigarette
I was nothing you could be proud of
I have lost my self respect, self respect
I have lost my self respect
Oh, I'm getting ready to let you go
Oh, I'm getting ready to let you go

Baby, baby, I got no traction
I'm just waiting and waiting for your reaction
And so I try a new direction
I'm gonna give myself a resurrection
I'm getting ready, I'm getting ready
Oh, I'm getting ready to let you go
Oh, I'm getting ready to let you go

Sorry you're going through this, Krissy. It is a tough place to be, and I hope you make it through with a minimal amount of pain.


----------



## luscious_lulu

Krissy if he cheats on her, he will cheat on you.


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear H&R block,

Thank you for fucking up my tax return last year. NOw I must repay the refund you found me.

No, you can't make it up to me by doing this years for free. I hate you!

Loathingly signed
broke and pissed off


----------



## SMA413

Dear douche bag with a gold honda-

Thanks so much for getting my car towed and then parking in the spot I was in. GDIAF.

- Pissed off neighbor

P.S. Revenge is a bitch.


----------



## Bearsy

Its happened again
As it has so many times before
Mr. Wonderful broke your heart
Now he's off with "That Little Slut"

And as you have so many times before
You come to me resting on my shoulder
Pouring your heart out, and crying softly

You look up at me with tears in your eyes
As you have so many times before
And in choking sobs you exclaim
"I wish I could find a guy like you"

And as I have done so many times before
I look down at you with a sad smile
and say
"Yeah...
That would be great."


----------



## soleil3313

Dear Mediated Comm Paper, 

Why won't you write yourself?

~ Procrastinating in Jersey


----------



## Bearsy

Dear the Violin from the song Night Terror by Laura Marling,

Please get out of my head. Yes, you are beautiful and yes, I love you, but I need my space. 30 some listens in the past day is far too much. 

- Going slightly mad


----------



## Proner

Dear Aunt,

Ok you don't like me it's obvious and I don't like you too much either but why talking about my job and the fact I will be fired as we were talking about something completely different! I know it was to put me down and to prove that librarian is a poor job for losers and marketing is a winner's job blah blah blah...
Well you manage to makes me feel down once again well done


----------



## kayrae

Our not so zen librarians... really is not so zen. Sorry to hear the drama llama ding dong.


----------



## Proner

kayrae said:


> Our not so zen librarians... really is not so zen. Sorry to hear the drama llama ding dong.



No not zen at all for now! Well she used to put me down everytime she could so I'm used to it but this time that hitted me harder than before....


----------



## Micara

Dear Kourtney Kardashian/Scott Disick wannabe couple in line for the Statue of Liberty today:

Chalk it up to bitterness if you like, but could you please stop mauling each other and making out in front of me in line? It's nauseating to the point where I am about to lose my breakfast, and it may splash all over your Coach knockoff purse.

XoXo,
Micara


----------



## Miss Vickie

Dear leukemia, renal failure, DIC and other assorted nasties,

Please leave my friend alone. We're not done with her yet. Mmmmkay? Thanks.

No love,

Moi


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Maybe it's just the fact that yesterday was International Women's Day making me feisty, but....

Dear men,

Just a quick note... I'm a fan of your gender in general, but what's with calling me "my Ginny" when we're barely even friends? If we're in a relationship, or something close, it's cute, and I like it. If we've been friends for a long time, yeah, it could be cute in that context, too. But if we're just platonic friends, and we haven't been friends for all that long, and I only know you over the internet? Yeah. You have no "ownership" of me, and this is creepy. Cut it TFO. Thanks.


----------



## Weeze

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear men,
> 
> Just a quick note... I'm a fan of your gender in general, but what's with calling me "my Ginny" when we're barely even friends? If we're in a relationship, or something close, it's cute, and I like it. If we've been friends for a long time, yeah, it could be cute in that context, too. But if we're just platonic friends, and we haven't been friends for all that long, and I only know you over the internet? Yeah. You have no "ownership" of me, and this is creepy. Cut it TFO. Thanks.



This, so hard. Please no pet names, please please please please. 



Dear family,
Stop. Please. Just stop. Stop giving certain parts of my life too much attention, and ignoring others because i'm sinking so. fucking. hard. Stop worrying and pressuring me about how i'm going to have money and worry about ME and how I'M doing, not my cash flow. I'm falling into the red a lot, a lot, more than my bank account.


----------



## Proner

Dear Cold,

I'm sorry but I have to end our relationship, can you hear this? It's spring who knock at the door, it's time to leave.... Oh we had fun it's true, thanks to you I could see snow for the first time ever but our relationship couldn't last long, you have no conversation and every time we cuddle it makes me shivering.
Anyway I know the perfect match for you it's called Autumn I'm sure you will make a great couple!
Bye

Shivering Proner

P.S: Sorry for this post, result of a huge lack of sleep


----------



## Bearsy

To my liver,

I'm sorry for what I've put you through this weekend, please forgive me and continue filtering my bloodstream at the optimal performance that I've grown accustomed to over the past 20 years of our life together. 

Love, your body


----------



## Blackjack

Dear work,

Although I loathe you, I've been dutifully coming in for almost four years now. However, it's gotten to the point where I would much rather stay home and _clean my room_ than go in.

I'm not certain whether this is me suddenly having initiative enough to clean my room, or if you have become such an abysmal drain on me that I'm willing to go to unusual lengths rather than spend any more time in the soul-crushing purgatory.

Sincerely,
Kevin


----------



## Saoirse

Dear BFFFL,

You are poisoning me with your ill-will and superiority complex. You are no better than me.

You bailed on us for no reason, and then tried to turn it around as if I was the reason. Some fucking friend.

Im fucking sick and tired of you... and saying that doesnt make me feel bad. It makes me feel free. So... I guess we weren't meant to be friends forever.


----------



## Surlysomething

Blackjack said:


> Dear work,
> 
> Although I loathe you, I've been dutifully coming in for almost four years now. However, it's gotten to the point where I would much rather stay home and _clean my room_ than go in.
> 
> I'm not certain whether this is me suddenly having initiative enough to clean my room, or if you have become such an abysmal drain on me that I'm willing to go to unusual lengths rather than spend any more time in the soul-crushing purgatory.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Kevin



Time for a new job!


----------



## Bearsy

Blackjack said:


> Dear work,
> 
> Although I loathe you, I've been dutifully coming in for almost four years now. However, it's gotten to the point where I would much rather stay home and _clean my room_ than go in.
> 
> I'm not certain whether this is me suddenly having initiative enough to clean my room, or if you have become such an abysmal drain on me that I'm willing to go to unusual lengths rather than spend any more time in the soul-crushing purgatory.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Kevin



At least you got a job. Going on 3 years of undesired unemployment.


----------



## Mathias

Dear video productions class,

You suck. 

-Matt


----------



## Micara

Dear Piece of Crap Work Computer System:

I'm glad that you find it hilarious to just randomly not bill people for no reason; however, I would appreciate it if I didn't have to deal with this crap on my first Monday back from vacation. Kindly shape up, or I'm going to go "Office Space" on your ass. 

Sincerely,
Michele in Accounting


----------



## Weirdo890

Dear Braindead Morons in the Middle of the Road,

GET OUT OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!! If I run you over because you pop out before I can hit the brakes, I'm not feeling sorry for you. Besdies, your insurance is charged. 

With deepest loathing,
Eric


----------



## Lovelyone

Hey-

It's taken me a really long time to see the truth about things. I feel like such damned a fool for putting it out there and laying it all on the line. I thought that you were doing that same thing, too. I realize now that you weren't and I feel REALLY humiliated because I was totally oblivious (which is not your fault). However, I am also a little relieved. The waiting and not knowing was the hard on me and now that the waiting is over I can get past it. As you well know by now, I feel that you have lead me on in a way and stolen precious time that I could have devoted to someone who was truly interested in me in the same way that I was interested in you. Now that I know the truth--it frees me to not feel guilt about finding my own little piece of happiness with someone wonderful who will accept me and love me for who I am..and who I will be.

I am really happy that we've become such good friends because of it all and I hope that we will grow into the best of friends. Know that I love you bunches...sincerely. I will be here for you whenever you need me, you know that and that will never change--but also know that the door to that part of my heart has closed to you and won't be revisited by me ever again.

I believe that if someone can't recognize and grasp onto true happiness when its standing right in front of them....then they don't deserve to have it. Maybe you will open your eyes someday and see someone standing right in front of you, who you've known for EVER, who shares things in common with you, who can read your mind and finish your sentences, who adores the hell out of you and wishes you to feel then same about her. I hope that happens. I hope that you recognize that in someone else...cos that is a feeling that everyone should experience at least once in their lifetime.


Terri


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Person at my work and people on my walk,

Thank you for your compliments and "shout outs" today. I was feeling really down about myself today and you gave me a boost.  I appreciate it

Sincerely,

Me :happy:


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Dearest Dickwad,

When you're wearing a multi-colored bomber two sizes too large in an attempt to cover the five inches of your exposed underwear because your pants are belted below said ass, instead of some where near the vicinity of your waist you should note a couple of things:

1) When a woman stops reading to answer a travel related question you've asked it is simple manners. It is not an open invitation for you to start macking. 

2) When you provide your name to this same woman and her response is "That's nice" as she returns to her book, it is subtle hint, she's not interested in holding a conversation with you.

3) Should you continue to speak and she extracts an iPod from her pocket and starts to uncoil the ear piece in preparation for listening, it is a more blatant hint for you to shut the fuck and go away.

4) And when she finally says to you, that you're disturbing her reading time and if you could please let her continue, your response should not be sidle over two people down and try your luck with another female who is already trying hard not to snicker. No, Turd-for Brains, she was NOT smiling at you. Therefore...

5) When two women who have never met before look at each, then look at you and then back at each other before bursting into peals of laughter, it is definitely time for you to tuck your tail between your legs and run along little doggie. Please let the sounds of our continued guffaws as you scuttle away be a lesson you learn well.

Signed
Just Sayin'...You A Stupid Mofo


----------



## mimosa

Dear God 

What is going on? There are two men in my life. But not one who is willing to do the job completely. One wants to commit and not do the dirty work. The other wants all the romance and dirty work but not the commitment. Please bring me someone that desires both. Now if you can do that for my birthday....I would be very thankful. 

Amen

Mims


----------



## rg770Ibanez

Dear you know who,

I hope you're doing ok. I'm still really worried about you and how life is going for you. I hope you are on the pathway to self-acceptance and self-love. Only you can open your eyes and see how beautiful you really are. I'm still pulling and praying for you. I hope you've considered and pursued my advice because it really is the best thing for you. I still love and care for you more than anything.
Love, 
Avery 

P.S. You're wayyyyyyyyyy more yummy


----------



## Paquito

Dear V.,

I don't get you. B. completely breaks your heart, lies to you, commits repeat offenses, makes you cry, and to remedy this you...spend the night at our place again? WTF. Can you really not spend a day without him? You better shut your face about this entire situation though. I don't want to her you bitch about him, talk about how "angry" you are, because at the end of the day, you've done nothing to punish this behavior. 

SHUT YOUR FACE.


----------



## mimosa

Dear God

Forget them! I just want my son and I to be healthy. Thanks.


In Jesus name 

Amen







mimosa said:


> Dear God
> 
> What is going on? There are two men in my life. But not one who is willing to do the job completely. One wants to commit and not do the dirty work. The other wants all the romance and dirty work but not the commitment. Please bring me someone that desires both. Now if you can do that for my birthday....I would be very thankful.
> 
> Amen
> 
> Mims


----------



## Paquito

Dear Danielle,

Thank you for sharing your umbrella with a complete stranger today. It was really thoughtful, and something all too rare these days. I hope to see you again in the future, hopefully under better conditions.


----------



## MzDeeZyre

Dear DoucheBag Ex-Husband,

I realize that you have a video game addiction, and that you don't think you can go a day without. However please remember that you have two beautiful children, and it would be great if you could pay your child support. I know you don't pay child support for the two illegitimate kids you have with _her,_ but they live with you. 

I was just thinking how great it would be to actually let them think that you're not really a piece of shit. That maybe, you do actually care. Oh and, I know you forgot about your son's birthday in December, as well as Christmas. But it would be nice if you at least call your daughter on monday. I mean after all, it's only her 10th birthday.


Ummmm yeah.... Thanks, or something!


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear life,

Please cut us some slack. We've been struggling for months now and things continue to get worse. We need a break..some glimmer of hope that things are going to get better and soon.

Please?

Misty +1


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Dad,

I miss you! Please come visit soon... we can go sea fishing again (you always have to put the shrimp on the fish hook for me...hahahaha...ewwwww) and hang out with Little Squeakers and eat yummy Spanish food!! 

Love,

Your Daughter


----------



## LoveBHMS

Dear Patrons:

Perhaps there is some alternate meaning of "last call" that i'm not aware of. If so, let me explain what it means when i say it. It means *we're fucking closing soon.*

Ten minutes or so after last call? You need to leave. Just pay your tab and go away. You can't sleep here, we are not serving any more food or liquor. If you still need to talk to your friends, feel free to do it someplace else. Settle up and get out.

L.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear ______,

... I fucking love you.
I would go to the end of the world, if to only hear you say "I love you, be with me"
I would take a bullet for you.
I've cried for you.
I've worried for you.
You and I have so much in common, it's incredibly perfect.

If I had the money, I would completely uproot and move there, 
Just on the off-chance it would increase my chances of us being together.

I wish you would love me
I wish I didn't have to play it off like I don't have such intense feelings for you
I wish we didn't have to be just friends
I wish I were able to be with you.
Not having to hear how your on such-n-such dating site
and going out with so-n-so from such-n-such
And how it makes you happy

I love your honesty
And yeah, you were right, it did kill me inside. 


..Why, why must you be so far away?
Why.. why can't you love me? 


Your long time friend,
Me







------------------



Dear Self,

Stop Being A Fool
You know it'll never happen, what the heck is wrong with you.
Why do you always get yourself into these prediciments? 
Your so stupid, you silly little girl
You know you have nothing to offer men anyways, 
Why do you let yourself get attached?
You should've listened to me and given up on men completely.
You should've kept your guard up strong and hard. Rebuilt the walls quicker than they were being crushed. 

If you want men, fine, why can't you just look at them sexually? Why the hell do you have to bring "Emotions" into it? :/ 

Your going to pay for it in the end, And you know it. 
Wake up and stop dreaming
Focus on yourself
Do something productive, just stop living a lie, stop dreaming
Open your eyes and see reality, won't you? 
Your only hurting yourself

Poor little you, so antisocial and so pathetic
Can't get a job or boyfriend
Boo hoo hoo. 
Grow up, Get over yourself
Your not a princess, your a filthy child standing in the mud.
Get up, wash it all off, and move on. 

With ut-most sincerety and disappointment,
Me.


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Dear NJ Bash Weekend,

You took too long to get here and were over and gone much too soon, MUCH TOO SOON! 

(sigh)

Me


----------



## Ruffie

Dear Friend

I miss who we used to be together. The long talks and doing things together that fed my soul. The way you helped me find myself again after feeling lost. The way you made me feel special, beautiful and loved. Now we dance around each other because of how things changed in our lives. You don't really talk to me, you spout your theories, spiritual mumbo jumbo and talk in sound bites. I will always love you for what you helped me find in myself, but wonder if we have both changed so much that what we once had can never be again.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear C, 

It's been a year now. And to be honest with you, I haven't really noticed your absence. You are correct, I did play both of you. And looking back on it, it was entirely wrong of me. But I did not want to pick sides, and I could not bring myself to say "I think you are lying about that" to your face. 

You both were like siblings to me.
I Loved you like you were family. 

And now, now what do I Have? 
Neither of you. 

I have Aer, that's it. I lost all my friends but her. 
And what, what for? 
Because I could not choose between the two of you.
..I'm sorry. I wish maybe things could get better. but I don't see that happening.

I keep thinking of all the good times we had, how many plans we'd made
But I need to stop living in the past, I need to step into reality

Farewell my dearest friend. May the day always find you well in spirit and health,
Megsy


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Nintendo,

Please come up with a new zelda game on Wii soon.
I am an obsessed Fan[atic], impatiently waiting for my chance to smite Ganon's ass with my wii-mote. 

Kthnxbai,
M


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Cuz', 
Please send more Jack

Much appreciated,
Cherry


----------



## ButlerGirl09

To the men of the world (or more importantly in Chicago, the city in which I reside),

I see you staring at me. Yes, yes I do. Perhaps you think you're being sly in your admiration of me, but I caught you looking. I appreciate that you've taken the time to notice me.

But now that you've taken the time to stare at me and admire my beauty, then why not approach me?! Do you not think that it's extra super creepy that you just continue to look at me once I've noticed it? I'm a very approachable and an easy-going person. Chances are I would give you my number or e-mail. I'm tired of being alone too!

So next time you take the moment to look at me and think how you wish you could say something, please do!! I promise I won't bite 

Love,
Madison


----------



## Weeze

You're lucky I'm a nice girl.

because I know you've been lying... again.


and I just found your girlfriend's facebook.


I found it.


But I'm a nice girl. I'm a good girl. Honestly, I'm only keeping it from her because I'd feel bad for hurting her. I hope *you* rot.

p.s. you look like shit in her profile picture.


----------



## Bearsy

Dear Eliza and Matt,

You are two of the best friends anyone could ever have.

I love you both.


----------



## Gingembre

Dear *%^$,

Seriously, you're going out with HER?! I know I'm not nearly perfect, but really? Really really?! Have you actually spent longer than an hour in her company (if so how?!)? Do you not hear what she says to people? Ov vey! Well, good luck to you....and I hope you come crying back to me so I can have the pleasure of telling you to sod off. Mwah ha ha!

Laura (who's not bitter at all. Really. )


----------



## Gingembre

Howdy cowboy,

It sucks that you don't have a phone that can text internationally at the moment. It sucks more that you live so far away. So.far.away. Even if I eventually make it to DC you're still going to be far away. Why's the US so ruddy huge? Or, why can I not find a hot cowboy in tune with his emotions in the UK? WHYYYY!? Lol.

<3 English Rose


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Boiler,

Get fixed quicker. I am freezing.

Inhabitant of this house x


Dear Friend,

Thank you so much for letting me wash my hair at your house!

I owe you one!

Laura x


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear United States,
Please Legalize Marijuanna already. 
Please? 

Sincerely,
Your Unfourtunate Resident


----------



## Bearsy

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear United States,
> Please Legalize Marijuanna already.
> Please?
> 
> Sincerely,
> Your Unfourtunate Resident



I agree.

Signed,
Me


----------



## mossystate

Dear Fonzy, 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!

:bow:


----------



## Jon Blaze

Dear you,

Why the hell was it so hard for you to just say "You weren't that into me?" You knew my past well enough to know that would have been much easier for me to deal with then to keep pushing for something you never really wanted apparently. 

So now I'm just left with hints, and I've just been left with another hint at your deceitful ways to the point where I don't know if we can be friends anymore. Not that you haven't spoken to me in forever anyway, but that's besides the point.

You're the kind of person that makes me want to never open my heart. 

At least I was smart enough to take YOUR advice...


----------



## quackman

Dear boss,

Seriously? When the woman who reports to me went to you because she didn't like my answer to her time off request you told me that it wasn't that big a deal. So today you vent to me that when she didn't like the answer you gave her that she went to your boss and how it has you irate? What, do you want me to roll over so that there's more room under the bus?

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## mossystate

Dear neighbors using the nasty spices, 

I hope you cover a rancid piece of meat with them, and then...well...you know.

:kiss2:


----------



## StarWitness

Dear Grad School:

My application is awesome. And if it's not awesome, it's at least good enough. You will accept me. Yes you will. I will be attending you in the fall. There is no other way.


----------



## Bearsy

Dear M. Wizzle:

I've been in love with you since algebra class our sophomore year in high school. 6 years later, I still am.  

Signed,
Me.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear K,
I wish you hadn't 'disappeared' from my life.
You really fucked me up.
I regret ever spending more than 2 seconds talking to you on the damn phone.
If I ever, EVER find myself in baltimore.
You will be beat down. 
Oh, Yes. Yes you will. 

With ut-most sincereity,
Your Twisted Ex in the party state


----------



## SMA413

Dear self-
It's would be just FANTASTIC if you could muster up the motivation to wrangle up all of your transcripts and have them sent in to UTHSCSA. Yes, yes. I know there's quite a few colleges that you need to contact, but it's really not that bad. 

It's for your own good.
Love,
You future


----------



## Micara

Dear Cubs,

Can we try this new thing this year where you _don't_ suck? I mean, 16-5? Really? 

Love,
Me


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Bunnies on my walks,

You are so cute and I like to say "hi" to you when I pass by Thank you for not running away or being scared of me and just keep on nibblin' that grass!

Dear Squirrels on my walks,

You are another story altogether. Either on the path, or in the tree! Make up your minds. You are totally crazy and psychotic but I still think you are cute and will still say "hi" or "get out of my way" to you too when I pass by. You might want to try some Riddalin (sp?) for that ADHD! It might just be covered under your insurance plan! 

Dear bugs on my walks,

Get the *&%&%*^(#$# away from me! Stay out of my hair, ears and nose!!!


Dear blooms on plants & trees,

Ahhhhhhhhh... you smell so good:happy: Thanks!

Sincerely,

The-After-Work-Nature-Loving-Walker


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

Micara said:


> Dear Cubs,
> 
> Can we try this new thing this year where you _don't_ suck? I mean, 16-5? Really?
> 
> Love,
> Me



Really, it's just the first game. That's not the way I want to start the season, but let's wait and see what they do in Wrigley. Plus... As always, I pretty much blame Zambrano for this one. I'm ready to see him go bye-bye!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Life,
Throw me a man once in a while, will you?
I like myself a lot, don't get me wrong.
But ya know, sometimes, a little spark is nice. 
Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## Micara

Blackjack_Jeeves said:


> Really, it's just the first game. That's not the way I want to start the season, but let's wait and see what they do in Wrigley. Plus... As always, I pretty much blame Zambrano for this one. I'm ready to see him go bye-bye!



Yes. Zambrano must die. Figuratively, of course. 

I was watching it on Gamecast at work. Good thing I work in accounting, so that my boss couldn't really be sure why I was yelling out, "3-0! What? 6-3!!!" Hopefully he thought I was talking about my spreadsheet.


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

Micara said:


> Yes. Zambrano must die. Figuratively, of course.
> 
> I was watching it on Gamecast at work. Good thing I work in accounting, so that my boss couldn't really be sure why I was yelling out, "3-0! What? 6-3!!!" Hopefully he thought I was talking about my spreadsheet.



My brother's the same way! He works as an editor for a publishing company, and he said that he had it playing in the background while he was working. Except his boss likes the Cubs too, and asked him a couple of times about the score. LoL


----------



## Tyrael

I shall keep this simple:

Dear life,

I really really really hate you from the deepest point of that damaged sh*thole called... ehh ... my heart...

Hope that brightens things up a bit...

,Me


----------



## AuntHen

Jon Blaze said:


> Dear you,
> 
> Why the hell was it so hard for you to just say "You weren't that into me?" You knew my past well enough to know that would have been much easier for me to deal with then to keep pushing for something you never really wanted apparently.
> 
> So now I'm just left with hints, and I've just been left with another hint at your deceitful ways to the point where I don't know if we can be friends anymore. Not that you haven't spoken to me in forever anyway, but that's besides the point.
> 
> You're the kind of person that makes me want to never open my heart.
> 
> At least I was smart enough to take YOUR advice...





Dear Jon,

I am sorry someone was playing games with you and not being fully open and honest! That is rude and wrong and selfish. I hope you find a sincere, sweet person that will allow you to open your heart and never have to close it. I don't really know you, but I wish you well and lots of happiness

Sincerely,

Person-Who-Hates-That-Type-Of-Behavior


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear "Mom",
I know you like to, as dad calls it "Vent" About me to him.
But maybe next time you can keep it down, so your 7 year old and I don't have to hear how I fucked up everything with social security, and your ignorant rants about DVR Services. 

Disgustedly Yours,
M.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Tyrael-

Even the deepest sh*tholes of hearts have a light at the end of them. I hope that you find yours.
 




Tyrael said:


> I shall keep this simple:
> 
> Dear life,
> 
> I really really really hate you from the deepest point of that damaged sh*thole called... ehh ... my heart...
> 
> Hope that brightens things up a bit...
> 
> ,Me


----------



## bmann0413

Dear powers that be,

PLEASE don't make the 21st chapter of my life suck. Let it be awesome. I think you owe me anyways.

Lloyd


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Here's a hint dingleberry: 

Try to get to know what lies behind my eyes, for more than a means to the space between my thighs. 

...and another one bites the dust.

sigh,
Me


----------



## Crystal

Dear school life,

You have been a ridiculously crazy whirlwind this semester. I've barely had time to breathe, let alone even begin to have a social life. 

As I sit here on my bed this Sunday afternoon and look through what has now become my bedside Bible (otherwise known as my daily planner), I see that I have nothing due this week. 

I don't know what to do with myself. You have ruined my ability to have fun. Even when I DON'T have anything to do, all I can do is sit around and think, "There's got to be something I'm forgetting. Surely there's something that's due next week. A test, a quiz, a paper...something?"

Thanks.

Frustrated in Knoxville, 
Crystal


----------



## Kinnaird

Dear me at 11

Well, what can I tell ya! There's so much to report! I know you are idealistic, but ALL your sports teams suck for the next 20 years. I mean it, you can buy jumpers, you can buy scarfs, you can get trains and buses all over Scotland and England, it does no good. Praying won't help. Bets won't help. If I was you, I'd just, I don't know, develop an interest in literature.

Also, if I was you, I would not dress like the bass player from EMF. Yes, yes, I know Unbelievable is a great song. Trust me, they disappear. And so do their lurid lime green jackets. Just...no don't get angry! Trust me, stick to denims and T-shirts.

If I was also you, I wouldn't take my He-Man figures out of the box. And for Gods sake, don't chew them, have wrestling matches with them or throw them at Castle Greyskull until they lose legs and heads. You are literally chewing away money!

Finally, you have an attraction to larger girls. This is nothing to worry about, in fact it's great...you'll love it! You'll love it a lot more than standing in the rain watching sport that's for sure. Sure, I'm sure now you've got a Claudia Schiffer poster on your wall and tell your mates Carol Smillie is hot, but it will fade...

Like EMF! Don't yell at me!

Yer 31 year old pal


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Person Who Wants to Know Why I Don't Do Live Chat:

I accepted your friend request because I thought you wanted to be a Farmville neighbor not because I wanted a marriage proposal. You do not love me. I will not help you obtain a green card, fund your agricultural project or reveal my favorite sexual position. 

I don't mind if you type slowly or misspell anything but I will not show you my breasts.

Thank you but I'm not interested in getting in on the bottom floor of your new business opportunity nor do I want to star in your new dirty video or see any of your previous work. I know what a 'money shot' is and don't need to see yours.

If you want to talk dirty try it out on your mother first. If your wife doesn't understand you, friend request my husband. You should have a lot in common. Lastly, if this offends you, do yourself a favor and delete me. Have nice day.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear owner of the local nail-salon,

I really appreciate how you drop everything to do my nails. However, I'm not so sure the client you dropped to take me without an appointment, appreciated your enthusiasm. Why she's glaring at me rather than at you seems rather strange but hey, I got places to go.

Now, you and I both know that in spite of your generous invitations to drive over to my house in the event that my nail enamel chips are only tolerated because you're inexpensive, fast and a genius at your craft. My husband doesn't think you're very funny and he will be making an appearance. Again.

I don't want a free pedicure. I can recognize a foot lover miles away. I'm married to one and have had wild passionate flings with another. They belong to an elite club whose requirements you will never meet.

Yes, I know you're very wealthy. I can tell by the 10 lb. '$' sign that hangs from your Mr. T rope necklace that you are a man of impeccable taste and refinement. You ooze class. 

Thanks for offering to take me on a helicopter tour of Scranton. How.....romantic. Can our spouses come?

Sincerely,
Looking for another nail tech


----------



## mimosa

Dear Heavenly Father

Thank you for making my son into brave knight. He has been in battle with a dragon called brain tumor for a few years now. I ask you to please have some mercy on him. I pray for a miracle. Please hear this mother's plea. My heart broken. Please mend it. 

It was said in Psalms that you are compassionate and loving towards all you have made. Also that you are faithful to your promises. If that is what you said then I put my trust in you. 

Please heal my son and our family. Restore health, peace and love in our home. You are the name I call when I have good and bad times. You have never let me down. 

In faith, 

Mimi


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Brain,

Please do not wake up at 4am like you have been doing for the past week or so!:doh: I could barely concentrate at work today and my eyes feel like they are swollen from being so fatigued Just shut down! I don't drink caffeine past 10am and I try not to eat anything late etc... Give me a break please! What is churning inside you that you must get up and then stay up for like an hour afterward???!! I NEED SLEEP!!!!!!!

Thanks in advance!

Your Body!


----------



## Nutty

Dear Nutty,


GET THE NEW KFC MEAL!


Sincereley, 
Nutty


----------



## CastingPearls

Nutty said:


> Dear Nutty,
> 
> 
> GET THE NEW KFC MEAL!
> 
> 
> Sincereley,
> Nutty


Dear Moderators,

I think it is patently unfair and draconian to limit the reputation points I can reward Nutty.

Disgusted,
CastingPearls


----------



## Nutty

CastingPearls said:


> Dear Moderators,
> 
> I think it is patently unfair and draconian to limit the reputation points I can reward Nutty.
> 
> Disgusted,
> CastingPearls



Thanks anyways! It's the thought that counts!


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe

I am tired of waiting....I know you hear me, so get busy ok!

Love 
Kimberly


----------



## Haunted

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe
> 
> I am tired of waiting....I know you hear me, so get busy ok!
> 
> Love
> Kimberly



DITTO !!!!!!!!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Disco,
Please Come Back.
Please?
All I'm asking for is a month or two, tops.

C'monnnn.

Sadly Concieved after your horrible death,
YPP.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Disco,
> Please Come Back.
> Please?
> All I'm asking for is a month or two, tops.
> 
> C'monnnn.
> 
> Sadly Concieved after your horrible death,
> YPP.



Good Lawd, it did seem like an awesome decade....even to the young child I was at the time. 
But then again, those 80s were kind of awesome, too


----------



## CastingPearls

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Good Lawd, it did seem like an awesome decade....even to the young child I was at the time.
> But then again, those 80s were kind of awesome, too


80's---Oh God---YES! Yes they were. Karma Chameleon anyone?


----------



## Proner

Dear drunk guy

It's ok now I know you're William Wallace as you told me it when I waited for my tramway. I also know that you're trying to form rebellion Scottish group who will only wear kilts to take back your homeland from England's domination.
So even if our little talk was really weird that makes me laugh during all the journey to home.

Still laughing Proner


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Disco,
> Please Come Back.
> Please?
> All I'm asking for is a month or two, tops.
> 
> C'monnnn.
> 
> Sadly Concieved after your horrible death,
> YPP.



*YES!*



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Good Lawd, it did seem like an awesome decade....even to the young child I was at the time.
> But then again, those 80s were kind of awesome, too



*HELL YES!*



CastingPearls said:


> 80's---Oh God---YES! Yes they were. Karma Chameleon anyone?


*You come and go YES!!*


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Self,
..Oh please, please stop torturing yourself.
No more dreams of love
No more daydreaming, either.
No more mind-wandering-onto-him
No.
Live in the now.
Fuck the Future.
Fuck the Past.
Live. In. The. Now.
The RIGHT NOW.
The This-Minute now.

Sincerely,
Me.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Good Lawd, it did seem like an awesome decade....even to the young child I was at the time.
> But then again, those 80s were kind of awesome, too


Greenie,

The 80's brought along epic music. 
;D YES! 
I COMMANDETH!

Disco and 80's Come baaack! 

...Totally,
M.


----------



## Nutty

Dear Disney,

Bring back the Country Bear Jamboree! (They took it down!!)

sincerely, Nutty


----------



## quackman

Dear self,

Don't hurt this woman. She doesn't deserve to be hurt just because another woman hurt me. She doesn't even deserve to be hurt because she hurt me 13 years ago. 

If possible to do while complying with above, please don't hurt self. I don't deserve more pain either.

And finally, if possible to comply with both of the above, have some fun. We do deserve that.

Thanks,
Not Asimov


----------



## bmann0413

Dear love,

Now that I'm 21, I have come to the realization that I need to stop looking for you and just let you come naturally. But alas, I am still oblivious to what you look like, so you can at least give me a small hint when you do show up. Please and thank you!

Lloyd


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Rhedi-Whip,

Please consider making larger cans. 

Longing for you,
Topless Cheesecake


----------



## Bearsy

Dear Wellbutrin

I met you today, and from what I've heard about you you seem like a decent fellow; hard worker, too it seems. All I ask is that you please do your job, quickly.

Love, Bearsy


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear Dims Newbies and People Who Are Really No Longer Noobs But Still Seem Like Noobs to Me Because I've Been Around For Quite a While,

I keep meaning to say this but never actually finding a place/venue, so I'm using the letters thread. 

Many of you have been a much-needed breath of fresh air around here. Mizz, mcbeth, LFW (I KNOW I'm going to leave out some people whose posts I always admire and kick myself for leaving them out!) - I haven't posted a whole lot since you've been around, so you probably barely know me, but I just want to let you know how much you are appreciated. You've all really made an impression on me (and I'm sure a whole bunch of other old-timers, and even old-timers who consider ME still a noob after my 3 1/2 years here [LOL]) and I'm really glad you're here.  I always look forward to your kind, thoughtful and articulate posts. Thanks for being here. 

CastingPearls, your intro post was fab, and your posts so far have been open and vibrant. Look forward to reading more of what you have to say, too. 

If I didn't mention you and you're new, trust me - I'm just getting forgetful in my old age and we're really, really glad you're here!


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Shopping Bag,

We have to talk. I thought we had an agreement that our little secret love affair was between you, me and Credit Card? You can't be discreet can you? You just have to flaunt yourself all over the place and shove yourself in Spouse's face like a wanton hussy. It's bad enough I had to have a few words with New Shoes and Purse but do you really have to be so obvious? 
And have you NO dignity with letting your receipts hang out all over the place Keep this attention-whore behavior under control or I'm leaving you in the car and dropping you off at Recycling Dumpster. 

This time I mean it,
(See you tomorrow bright and early)
E


----------



## littlefairywren

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear Dims Newbies and People Who Are Really No Longer Noobs But Still Seem Like Noobs to Me Because I've Been Around For Quite a While,
> 
> I keep meaning to say this but never actually finding a place/venue, so I'm using the letters thread.
> 
> *Many of you have been a much-needed breath of fresh air around here. Mizz, mcbeth, LFW *(I KNOW I'm going to leave out some people whose posts I always admire and kick myself for leaving them out!) - I haven't posted a whole lot since you've been around, so you probably barely know me, but I just want to let you know how much you are appreciated. You've all really made an impression on me (and I'm sure a whole bunch of other old-timers, and even old-timers who consider ME still a noob after my 3 1/2 years here [LOL]) and I'm really glad you're here.  I always look forward to your kind, thoughtful and articulate posts. Thanks for being here.
> 
> CastingPearls, your intro post was fab, and your posts so far have been open and vibrant. Look forward to reading more of what you have to say, too.
> 
> If I didn't mention you and you're new, trust me - I'm just getting forgetful in my old age and we're really, really glad you're here!



Wow, that is such a beautiful post BBM...and the loveliest thing to say. Thank you, and big ((hugs)) for that! You actually made me cry, but good tears.


----------



## CastingPearls

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear Dims Newbies and People Who Are Really No Longer Noobs But Still Seem Like Noobs to Me Because I've Been Around For Quite a While,
> 
> I keep meaning to say this but never actually finding a place/venue, so I'm using the letters thread.
> 
> Many of you have been a much-needed breath of fresh air around here. Mizz, mcbeth, LFW (I KNOW I'm going to leave out some people whose posts I always admire and kick myself for leaving them out!) - I haven't posted a whole lot since you've been around, so you probably barely know me, but I just want to let you know how much you are appreciated. You've all really made an impression on me (and I'm sure a whole bunch of other old-timers, and even old-timers who consider ME still a noob after my 3 1/2 years here [LOL]) and I'm really glad you're here.  I always look forward to your kind, thoughtful and articulate posts. Thanks for being here.
> 
> CastingPearls, your intro post was fab, and your posts so far have been open and vibrant. Look forward to reading more of what you have to say, too.
> 
> If I didn't mention you and you're new, trust me - I'm just getting forgetful in my old age and we're really, really glad you're here!


Thank you for your very warm welcome. Funny--I used to use BigBeautifulFabulous as a user name on another message board. Small world! Looking forward to reading your posts too!


----------



## AuntHen

Dear YOU (yes you!),

I just had to put a little note on here telling you that I still feel bad for today! I am such a retarded girl! I want to say sorry until I can't say it anymore. Thanks again for being YOU and being so nice and giving to me. It means so very much!!!!!  You make me smile

There are lots of bees at the zoo... hmmm

Me


----------



## Saoirse

dear ex bff

stop telling lies about me to our mutual friends.

-angry me


----------



## Nutty

Dear Nutty,

The KFC Double Down was a huge let down.

Sincerely, Nutty


----------



## DeerVictory

Hey. 

Stop breaking my heart and stop making me feel like I'm not good enough. The only way I can feel okay about this is if I tell myself that I'm not worth any more than what I'm getting. 

Thanks.


----------



## Gingembre

Dear you,

Lovely to talk to you again after so long. Your acceptance of the fact that you were a total asshole was refreshing to hear and I think we can be friends now. Our chat made me realise how much I have missed you.

Here's to friendship (but definitely nothing more),

Laura x


----------



## Surlysomething

You really can over-post.


It's true.


----------



## archivaltype

Dear professors,

Thank you for making this semester insane. And pleaseeee stop hitting us when we're down, kaythanx? I hope the goal here is to teach us and not to kill us. 

Sincerely,
The 4 of us still alive.

Dear spring,

I love you for being here. Everything is alive again! There are colors! I have missed colors so. I never ever get tired of you. 
Sincerely,
Me!

Dear asshole,

I know I should just suck it up and accept it, but I can't. You lied in that sneaky I'm not really lying I'm just not telling you sort of way and you STILL act like you did nothing wrong. Well...fuck you. To quote Ms. Bareilles (spelling? oh dear, I have no idea), I'm too good for you anywaaay. 
ME!
(I guess I was in a letter typing mood.)


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe,

Hey, it's me again. Ok this is how it is....if you can't remove him from my heart, then let me have him. How hard is that to understand? It is too hard doing it your way, too painful. I have been patient and good, so surely it is my turn now! Also, stop me before I make a complete ass of myself again!

Love,
Kimberly


----------



## CastingPearls

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> Hey, it's me again. Ok this is how it is....if you can't remove him from my heart, then let me have him. How hard is that to understand? It is too hard doing it your way, too painful. I have been patient and good, so surely it is my turn now! Also, stop me before I make a complete ass of myself again!
> 
> Love,
> Kimberly


And Elaine


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear.. _M_,
Not All Potheads are Effing Useless. You Ignorant Peice of Goat Shit.
I wish you'd have an open mind.

Your Friend,
Me


----------



## Proner

Dear child I scared in the tramway

I'm sorry! It wasn't my fault, blame the damn shampoo which fell in my eye, I don't have this red-eye monster look usually 

Sad-not-monster anymore Proner

Dear shampoo

You're supposed to not hurt eyes and makes me have monster look if you fell in my eyes! I trusted you I'm very disapointed, next time I will choose this funny shampoo which try to charm me everytime I walk in the shampoo's shelves.

Disapointed Proner


----------



## Micara

Dear Co-Worker,

Although you thought you knew what was going on by eavesdropping on my conversation, you illustrated that you, in fact, knew NOTHING when you proceeded to lecture me and call me a "selfish, spoiled brat" about things that were not even true, that you ASSUMED you knew were true by listening to one side of a phone conversation. So when I told you to "mind your own effing business" and to "reserve your judgments for when you know the actual FACTS", I did, in fact, mean it. 

XOXO,
Me


----------



## Bearsy

Dear Human-kind:

We must stop thinking about&#65279; each other as "I'm white and you're black" or "I'm Christian and you're Muslim" or "I'm straight and you're gay" or "I'm American and you're French" or etc. Instead it must be "I'm human and so are you". We must deal more kindly with one another, to preserve and cherish the Pale Blue Dot, the only home we've ever known.

I love you all, Me.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Lightning,

Isn't it enough that we have crazy down-pours here, without you having to show up? No one wants to use their umbrellas because they are scared you will use them as lightning rods! Thank you for not hitting mine. I mean, how was I supposed to get to my car without my umbrella??!! I like to see your light and love the sound of you in the DISTANCE, but could you kindly BACK IT UP! Thanks ever so much!

Sincerely,

Girl with the red umbrella


----------



## Blackjack

Dear Festergut,

FUCK YEAH WE JUST OWNED YOUR HIDEOUS FACE.

Sincerely,
Beej


----------



## Slamaga

A letter for my grand father who died one year before in a tragic car accident. Thank you of the values you shared with your family and for the support you gave me in the past and still give me in the present as a good memory.

Whether I feel good or sad, I know I have to continue, to perseverate. I want to honour your death with this simple mentality : to live every moment as a passionnated second, an important event, a source of happiness and a part of the journey to the wisdom.

Thank you.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe

Return her to us please. Such a small request. Please 

Love 
Kimberly


----------



## archivaltype

Dear Monday-

You've started out horribly, please don't end that way, okay? You suck enough as it is. 

KThanx.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear You,

Thank you for that feeble attempt at a birthday gift. I could tell you put zero effort into choosing something special for me especially since you asked me for a few ideas of what I wanted. Why even bother? Do you take sadistic pleasure in building up anticipation just to knock it down? Did it make you feel superior? How superior will you feel sleeping alone at night? 

Tired of your bullshit,
Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Subconcious Mind,

Please don't let me dream anything like that, anymore.
I'm begging you.


Sincerely,
Me.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Star Trek The Next Generation,

Why why why did you go off the air? You are my fave all time show! Is there a better man that Jean-Luc Picard? I think not! I mean, he taught me the all about the prime directive, he loves earl grey tea, and is willing to risk his life and career for what he believes time after time!!! Thank you for playing a mini marathon every Monday night. Welsey Crusher was such a hottie too! I wanted to go to Star Fleet Academy when he did If you made a come back, I would be waiting patiently on my couch for you! I have great memories of watching you with my Dad. He loved you too and he looks kind of like Picard

Sincerely,

Girl Who Has Seen All Your Episodes Like 34875938497 Times


----------



## Linda

Dear Telephone,

Why do you not ring when I am feeling lonely and have time for you? You only ring when I don't have the time to talk, or I am in the car or have my hands full. (stares at the phone) Of course....the silent treatment continues.

Love, Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear T-

I am so proud of you today. I know that the track around the duck pond looked amazingly long to you and that you KNEW that the simple attempt to walk it would aggravate your already hurting knee, but you still walked the track...not once, but twice. You had options to sit and lounge instead of taking a stroll--but you chose the one that was more demanding on yourself and succeeded. Wasn't it scary to see that track (short as it was) and think to yourself "Oh God...I am not going to be able to walk the whole distance before having to sit and rest and everyone will think bad of me and see that I am a quitter" and only then realize that you were more capable than you gave yourself credit for? Didn't know your own strength, did you? Each day that you give yourself the option to do more--you take it. It's hard I know...but in the long run things will work out for the best and you'll gain stamina, confidence, become healthier, adapt a better perspective on your life and possibly even eliminate that pesky self-doubt that seems to linger around to taunt you on days such as this. 
Honestly the mere fact that you got out of your house today and took some sunshine was a big step for you. Wasn't it nice to see all the people at the park, the swans sitting on their stick nests, the mallard ducks and Canadian geese cavorting in the water and fountain and flying overhead? The feel of the sun on your face and the air in your lungs seemed to give you that added lift that you've been searching for in the past few weeks. I am so happy that we went there. I am happy that we did something which we had doubt about, it lifts my spirit to think that we didn't give up on ourselves and I am thrilled that you didn't get bitten (grabbed or whatever) by the goose that chased after you. Good thing you had some bread to give him or he'd have taken a huge chunk out of your ass. Let's do it again soon, huh? 
Signed, Me.


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

fat9276 said:


> Dear Star Trek The Next Generation,
> 
> Why why why did you go off the air? You are my fave all time show! Is there a better man that Jean-Luc Picard? I think not! I mean, he taught me the all about the prime directive, he loves earl grey tea, and is willing to risk his life and career for what he believes time after time!!! Thank you for playing a mini marathon every Monday night. Welsey Crusher was such a hottie too! I wanted to go to Star Fleet Academy when he did If you made a come back, I would be waiting patiently on my couch for you! I have great memories of watching you with my Dad. He loved you too and he looks kind of like Picard
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Girl Who Has Seen All Your Episodes Like 34875938497 Times



Dear Girl Who Has Seen All Your Episodes Like 34875938497 Times:

You are awesome. 

Benjamin Sisko is no Picard (hell, when it comes to the Kirk Vs. Picard debate, I'll always vote for my favorite Frenchman. And who's Patrick Stewart, anyway?), but I almost enjoy the Deep Space Nine series better... If you cannot watch TNG on the tube anymore, at least now you have a good reason to go rent seasons of ALL the shows. Just a little incentive.... 

Sincerely,

Trekkie-in-training


----------



## Bearsy

Bearsy said:


> Dear Human-kind:
> 
> We must stop thinking about&#65279; each other as "I'm white and you're black" or "I'm Christian and you're Muslim" or "I'm straight and you're gay" or "I'm American and you're French" or etc. Instead it must be "I'm human and so are you". We must deal more kindly with one another, to preserve and cherish the Pale Blue Dot, the only home we've ever known.
> 
> I love you all, Me.



He abides, having suffused with a mind of loving-kindness one direction of the world, likewise the second, likewise the third, likewise the fourth, and so above, below, around and everywhere, and to all as to himself; he abides suffusing the entire universe with loving-kindness, with a mind grown great, lofty, boundless and free from enmity and ill will.
-Mett&#257;


----------



## AuntHen

Dear New Chocolate,

You, like your name...are... DIVINE! Dark dark chocolate with dried currants and almonds.. oh my! :wubu:

Me


----------



## Linda

Dear Inspector,

I wish you no actual harm but I am hoping you get a flat tire on the way to my work this morning. Maybe even locked into your hotel room and cant come out for days. Or at least take a happy pill please.

You make everyone at work nervous and the air is thick with fear. And while I embrace the change that comes form your visits it is hard to deal with my co workers and my boss while you are there. I am the go to person because I stay calm abnd I know my stuff. So while they run around in frantic panic mode I will be stuck with you ALL DAY LONG. And this is really no fun for me.

Nothing personal though.

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## quackman

Dear self,

Be honest with her and trust that the truth is the best option. If the truth keeps us apart it will hurt not but not as much as it will if it splits us up later.

Honest,
Self


Dear you,

Please listen to what I have to say and still want to be with me. 

Yours?,
Me

P.S. Please don't wear anything cleavagy tomorrow; what I have to say will be hard enough without distraction.


----------



## Sweet Tooth

quackman said:


> Dear self,
> 
> Be honest with her and trust that the truth is the best option. If the truth keeps us apart it will hurt not but not as much as it will if it splits us up later.
> 
> Honest,
> Self



Sooooo with you on this. Good luck. I hope she agrees.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Grandma,

You are the best example of Humanity, and the most amazing grandmother I could ever, ever dream of having. If I had to choose anyone to live for as long as I do, it would be you. I wish I were older, I wish I were older with childern of my own already. So that they would be able to enjoy your warmth, your love, your patience. So that you could teach them all the things you've taught me over the years. I hope you are right about heaven, So that maybe you will see the lessons you have taught me, being passed down. I hope if you are not around when I do have children, that you may be with me spirit, and that you may help me to be a great mother, a great WOMAN just like you. 

You've had to deal with so much in your lifetime, I don't know how you've kept such warmth after it all, I'm sure it is because you are so strong in your faith, but that can't be all, can it? Your so kind, Sure you are headstrong when you need to be. But you raised five children, and had to deal with a husband who was emotionally and verbally cruel at times, You had to be headstrong. Of course I get somewhat annoyed with your nagging, as does anyone, heck, mom still does. But I love you, I love you more than anyone. I hope you live in good health, for at least 15 more years.. I know that's quite possibly an extremely unreasonable hope. But I do. I want my children to know you. 


I Love you, Forever and Ever, Ganma.
Ever, and Ever, and Ever. Until the day I die.

I Carry a picture of you in my wallet, Grandma.
That's how much you mean to me.
I have the other one, the one I got from you for christmas, on my computer tower. Next to the photo of grandpa and me when I was a child.



Adoringly Yours,
Megan.


----------



## Slamaga

Dear me,

Can you just take the necessary time to relax a little? There is no rush.

Me.

Dear me,

Hmmmm... let's think about this... NOOO!!!! I'm so f****** in end of term. It seems to be so fast, with si much velocity!!! I hope I'll get through this . I need some support XD.

Me


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear people with caller ID,

If you see that someone has called and that you have messages, why would you call a number back without checking your messages....especially if it's a business that called you?

Hope I don't confuse you with logic.

Moi

Dear people that get angry over wrong numbers,

Blame your cell phone provider for issuing out new numbers in less than six months time. We have no control over someone not paying their bill nor whether or not they call and give us new phone numbers. No need to be an ass. 

Oh and it helps immensely, if you want us to be able to locate your number out of a sea of multiple thousands, to retain a tib bit of info such as appointment times/dates or even the names of the people we asked for. 

Be reasonable....and logical. Anything else makes you an insane dick. 

Fed up with annoying, rude phone idiots,
Moi


----------



## Linda

Dear You,

Why do you feel the need to tell me about your feelings for others? Are you trying to make me jealous or see what my reaction will be? I deserve someone's full attention not divided. I am just that good.  So go find someoen who cares.

~Sincerely

Me


----------



## willowmoon

Dear Me,

Please remember not to make an exception for a customer in accepting a personal check instead of cash only which is clearly posted in your store. It might come back to bite you in the @$$, as it did with that customer that you felt sorry for, and look what happened -- his checks were returned for insufficient funds. Stick to your policy, it's better that way.

Yours Truly,

Common Business Sense


----------



## Slamaga

willowmoon said:


> Dear Me,
> 
> Please remember not to make an exception for a customer in accepting a personal check instead of cash only which is clearly posted in your store. It might come back to bite you in the @$$, as it did with that customer that you felt sorry for, and look what happened -- his checks were returned for insufficient funds. Stick to your policy, it's better that way.
> 
> Yours Truly,
> 
> Common Business Sense



I fully understand this. It is the same thing at the place I work. Hope it isn't that bad.

Dear boss,

thank you for all the policies you put in place in your shop. Clients don't ask me stupid things like : Can I use the toilets (the guy is deadly drunk...) / Can we use your telephone (a group of disturbing kids...) or even WTF why can't you give me more than one box of matches? 

A thousand thanks to you to put some reason in the mind of those drunked customers.

Me

N.B. : I work in a convenience store.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear -- 

You let your guard down and were disappointed again. Learn from your past mistakes and try to recognize those types of disappointments from far away. It'll be okay. I know that it is starting to look like the people in your life aren't all that thoughtful or considerate but remember that sometimes God answers your prayers in a different way than you might expect. You'll be fine.
Big hugs,
Me


----------



## LoveBHMS

Dear Hot Fat Guy at work:

Please hook up with me. It will be fun. 

Really. i promise.

L.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear both of you,

Why you chose to fabricate something so salacious about me when the truth would have been so much more interesting is indicative of your own misery but I guess everyone needs a hobby. I'm already starting to feel better and that just kills you doesn't it? Me walking away in the middle of your delusional rant really got your goat but it only reinforced that I'm on the right path. 
Well, if you can't be a good example, at least you could shoot for being a horrible warning. There's an aspiration you can sink your teeth into.

Love you anyway,
Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Fast food Chicken Sandwich that I ate today-
You were tasty, but I haven't had one of you in a long, long time. Had I known that you would wreak havoc on my stomach and entire digestive tract...I might have chosen differently. Next time I will chose a garden salad and be thankful.
Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Self,

I can't believe you downloaded IMVU

Only to spend two hours talking to a 12 year old about his parents divorce.


This is an all-new-low for you.

Totally,
Me


----------



## Linda

Dear "Hung Up on Drama",

Why call and not leave a voice mail message? I am sure there are a lot of things you could have said. An apology might have been a good start. But none-the-less. I have a lot of things planned for my Saturday and I just don't have time to call you back and get into why I don't appreciate being lied to. I hate drama and it seems you like to create some and see how people react to it. So have a good day...I am off to a party.

Me


----------



## Proner

Dear guy who nearly broke my ankle,

Soccer is just a game, I don't really understand how you could say things like "I will break your legs" before the game. Soccer is an activity while you have to take pleasure, I don't see the pleasure you could get in hurting people...
So... by the way we won so as we say in French : Dans ton c...

A little but upset Proner


----------



## Mathias

Dear Mom,

You are positively without a doubt the most kind, sincere, generous woman to ever grace this Earth. In spite of the scare we all had over Christmas, you still managed to keep a smile on your face through it all, even if I had a nervous breakdown over it. I admire your strength and wisdom that you've given to me and the rest of us over the years. Thanks for always being there right beside me though the highs and the lows. Me thanking you isn't nearly enough though, you deserve all the gifts in the world on your special day. Happy birthday!

Love you so very very much!

-Matt


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear W,

I Totally wish you were on yahoo right now, so we could make fun of Ned the Dead again. That was SO much fun! 


Sincerely,
Me


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe,

So, it turns out you are not an idiot after all. And it turns out, that I should have had a little more faith, and not gotten cross with you...my bad.

Love,
Kimberly


----------



## mossystate

Kimberly, 

 

Mossy


----------



## Slamaga

Everybody,

Wish me good luck for the next two weeks. I hope I'll be alive after getting out of this sea of homework and responsabilities.

Carl


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Fric Or Frac,

I understand you are HIS Gerbil, but please stop being such a bastard and escaping. I take damn good care of you and your sister. Don't go dying in my room, either! How the hell will I face him THEN?! 

"Oh yeah, they got took away cause you mistreated them, then your sister killed one" 


...I promise more yogurt yummies and paper tubes if you come baaaack!


Desperately,
Your Foster Mother.


----------



## littlefairywren

mossystate said:


> Kimberly,
> 
> 
> 
> Mossy



Ta, mossy! 

Dear Universe,

I must be missing the signals or something, because I am in a goofy mess at the moment. Fun, but goofy! Do you have a supervisor I could talk to?

Love,
Kimberly


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear McDonalds,

I'm sick of your addictive food reaching into my thought processes to tempt me. I'm trying to take better care of myself and scarfing your large, salty, fatty meals down 3x a day don't fit into that plan. Mmmmmm salty fries :wubu:

We have a love/hate relationship. I love to eat your food....but hate what it does to my health. 

Sincerely,
Addicted


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear magnificent magnanimous black bears,

Let's make a deal. If you leave my pitiful tomato and cucumber plants alone, I will tell you when the Kowalski's put out their trash. What do you say?

Very truly yours,
Delusional Pocono Gardener


----------



## Micara

Dear Moviegoers,

Here's some advice: If it's opening weekend, or a sneak preview of a new movie, you might want to get to the theater about 15 minutes before the movie starts in order to get a good seat. It's kind of annoying when you wander in after the lights go out, and want the usher to find you 5 seats together that aren't in the front row. I get there early so that I can sit where I want and sit with my party. I am not moving or shuffling around so that I can get you two seats together. Sorry. Call me a bitch, but get to the theater early or risk standing.

XOXO,
Me


----------



## Nutty

Dear Obama, 

Keep up the good work to keep Hyde Park interesting 

sincerely, 

Nutty


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Romantic Nerd,
You are so awesome.
If I was her, I would be in your arms constantly.
But I swear on my life.
Hurt her, and it WILL be the last thing you do.

Sincerely,
Her Best Friend ---Death Cow.


----------



## Linda

Dear Mr. Sandman,

Do you think you could please double up on my dose? I hate waking up an hour or more before the alarm goes off. I can never go back to sleep.

Sincerely,

Sleepless in Ohio


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear G,

You've known me my entire life. You know the true me. You helped raise me with your morals and values. I don't know why you said what you did about me but denying it breaks my heart even more. You don't know the damage it caused and how much more fallout there will be. Yes, I'll still come and see you. Yes I still love you. THAT will NEVER change. I'm sorry I didn't call you yesterday but sometimes I'm just too tired to fight. But I have to do what I have to do and that doesn't make me a bad person. I just need all the support I can get right now. Please try to understand. I wish you could understand because I'm crying too.

Love,
Elaine


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Mom-I am so sorry that you broke your hip yesterday. I just thank goodness that you didn't break it in the worst way. I was happy to hear that you won't be needing surgery. Hope that you come home from the hospital tomorrow. I kinda miss you bossing me around in your motherly manner.
Love ya, Terri

Dear Ducks at the duck pond. 
You delight me so! You act like a bunch of crazy teenagers. 

Dear Canadian Geese at the pond--stop with the stalking me, will ya?
I know that you've figured out that humans bring bread to the pond for the birds but you creatures are just plain greedy. If just one more of you tries to get into my pocket for the bread...I think I will be making goose for dinner. You have been warned.

Dear little brown female mallard-
That's right...when they jump on your back and try to gang-duck-bang you...bite the hell out of them and quack like you are a lunatic. It really works!! P.S. I didn't know that ducks were so intelligent, but hiding behind the trash barrels so that those horny teen ducks couldn't see you was brilliant! You shouldn't have peeked your little beak out from behind there cos they saw you, chased you and made you fly away for a while. But you came back with a vengeance and quacked the hell out of them. Also, you made me laugh so hard when you came waddling quickly at me with your little duck tongue hanging out of the side of your beak cos you thought I had bread for you. I hope that you are there again tomorrow cos I am going to bring you a special treat.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Self,

I don't know what to say... 

Me


----------



## rellis10

Dear God or whatever multi-dimensional space-dwelling all-powerful being that may or may not be listening,

Can you please find time in your busy schedule to stop the rain in my area, or have your many minions do it for you. I think you may have left the sprinklers on in the garden you call The Universe.

Thank you in advance,

Rick


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Best Friend,

I understand you find your boytoy attractive and all.
But STOP FUCKING RAPING HIM WHILE I'M AROUND.
God DAMNIT. I Hate it when you two make out, I Hate it when you two make sex references about eachother, The last two days I've spent with you, I've come home and cried because I'm so lonely. And you know what? I don't often feel lonely anymore unless HORMONE-RAGING-ASSHOLES like yourself shove it in my face.

So Kindly, Take my words to heart, before I shove them through your ear canal and down your damn Throte. 


Love ya! 
Megan.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Weather-
It's time for you to change. Cold and rainy is not in the cards for us, do you hear?
The garden is watered plenty for now, please go away and come back later.


----------



## CastingPearls

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Weather-
> It's time for you to change. Cold and rainy is not in the cards for us, do you hear?
> The garden is watered plenty for now, please go away and come back later.


Yeah Weather and WTF is this crap about SNOW tonight??? It's MAY!!! Stick to the schedule!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Note to Self:

Stop being a whiny baby. Life is good.


Don't worry- be happy 

Moi


----------



## freakyfred

Dear self

Go to bed

Love Stephen


----------



## Linda

Dear Co-Worker,

Why must you insist that world revolves around you? You make life way too stressful. Your not going to be able to change the things that you think are wrong so why be soooo angry at work and make it almost unbearable for your coworkers. I have a line outside of my office every single day and they are coming to vent about your nasty comments and rotten attitude. I hope your phone interview went well today because I am not so sure you will ever be happy here. And while I know you probably won't be happy their either....you don't know that. 

Sincerely, 
Me


----------



## MzDeeZyre

Dear You,

I know that you're going through something hard right now. Remember I've been there too. I want you to know that you are the most caring, selfless, loving individual that I have ever met. If I were there, I would sit quietly with you, while sipping wine, listening to your heart. I know that this isn't going to be easy. But I promise you that down the road, you'll be saying it was worth it. I adore you, and from all the signs.... I kinda think the feeling is mutual. 

Love,

Me


----------



## Linda

Dear Kosh,

Today is the day that I dread every year. I miss you sooo much but I know you're watching over me. I feel you around. Sometimes I even talk to you even though people look at me like I am crazy. Ahh who cares...as you would say, "That's nothing new. You are crazy Linda." I thought over time my pain would heal but every year when I wish your dad a Happy Birthday the pain comes flooding back. So many birthdays to celebrate today too. Christina ia 13! Can you believe it? Look for your note later. I'll be sending it up toward the heavens like I always do. I have nothing but love for you girl and miss you.

L~~


----------



## littlefairywren

Linda said:


> Dear Kosh,
> 
> Today is the day that I dread every year. I miss you sooo much but I know you're watching over me. I feel you around. Sometimes I even talk to you even though people look at me like I am crazy. Ahh who cares...as you would say, "That's nothing new. You are crazy Linda." I thought over time my pain would heal but every year when I wish your dad a Happy Birthday the pain comes flooding back. So many birthdays to celebrate today too. Christina ia 13! Can you believe it? Look for your note later. I'll be sending it up toward the heavens like I always do. I have nothing but love for you girl and miss you.
> 
> L~~



Big warm hugs....just (((hugs))) Linda!


----------



## willowmoon

Dear Five Hour Energy,

You lied to me the other night. You only worked for two hours.

Regards,

Me


----------



## Linda

willowmoon said:


> Dear Five Hour Energy,
> 
> You lied to me the other night. You only worked for two hours.
> 
> Regards,
> 
> Me



Isn't that the truth? It does NOT work for five hours. What a waste of money. Eating coffee grounds would work so much better.


----------



## g-squared

Dear cat,

Please stop opening the door when I'm trying to masturbate.


Sincerely,

George


----------



## Your Plump Princess

willowmoon said:


> Dear Five Hour Energy,
> 
> You lied to me the other night. You only worked for two hours.
> 
> Regards,
> 
> Me


I Smell a False Advertisement Lawsuit! 

..Jk, But that totally sucks.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear friend who seems to be avoiding me...

You don't have to log off when I log into yahoo. I SEE you log out and that's enough to keep me from messaging you. You don't have to hide and play petty elementary school hide and seek with me. 
Me


----------



## willowmoon

Lovelyone said:


> Dear friend who seems to be avoiding me...
> 
> You don't have to log off when I log into yahoo. I SEE you log out and that's enough to keep me from messaging you. You don't have to hide and play petty elementary school hide and seek with me.
> Me



I think you can do the "ignore" thing on yahoo, so that you don't get messages from certain user id's anyway. Surprised this "friend" didn't do that. Hope all goes well.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear You,

I made up with you because of my family ...but i hate you..yes, a deep hate and i will hate you until the day you die

Unforgivingly

Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Sis Tracey-
You are pretty amazing. I am happy that we are taking the time to get to know one another as friends and sisters.  
Terri


----------



## kristineirl

Dear 16oz Latin Spice Mocha Frapp, 

You were a _really_ really bad idea. 
I'm breaking up with you forever. 

.....or until my tummy feels better. 



&#9829;,
kristine's belly.


----------



## Surlysomething

Holy crap, Canada, you're freaking me out.

Edmonton had a snow storm on May 5th. Tomorrow it's supposed to be 86F.

WTF?!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Dofus Game Designers,
Please Stop Acting Like Lead-Munching Asswipes.

Kthnxbai,
Me.


----------



## Micara

Surlysomething said:


> Holy crap, Canada, you're freaking me out.
> 
> Edmonton had a snow storm on May 5th. Tomorrow it's supposed to be 86F.
> 
> WTF?!



Sounds like Illinois weather. Once we had 6 inches of snow and then 2 days later, a tornado!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Micara said:


> Sounds like Illinois weather. Once we had 6 inches of snow and then 2 days later, a tornado!


That's because the Midwest is really hell.
They just don't say so, you know, bad PR and all.


----------



## quackman

Dear girlfriend's dog,

I'm glad that you like me, but if you could please refrain from kissing me while I'm kissing her I'd sure appreciate it.

Thanks,
me.


----------



## CastingPearls

Rain,

Go the hell away

Signed,
Not a fan


----------



## Linda

Dear Friend,

Please let me make my own decisions. I am a big girl. I can handle it. trust me.

Me


----------



## Nutty

Linda said:


> Dear Friend,
> 
> Please let me make my own decisions. I am a big girl. I can handle it. trust me.
> 
> Me



Right on!


----------



## Lovelyone

CastingPearls said:


> Rain,
> 
> Go the hell away
> 
> Signed,
> Not a fan



Ditto what she said! *breaks out into song...*
"Rain rain go away..blah blah blah another day!"


----------



## joswitch

Dear body hair

Please stop turning white. Thanks.

I'm 30 years too young to look like an elderly werewolf.

Ugh. Where the hair clippers at?

J


----------



## kristineirl

Lovelyone said:


> Ditto what she said! *breaks out into song...*
> "Rain rain go away..blah blah blah another day!"



both of you need to summon the rain to my part of town! 

 "I'm gonna send a little rain your way"


----------



## Surlysomething

Micara said:


> Sounds like Illinois weather. Once we had 6 inches of snow and then 2 days later, a tornado!




Isn't it insane when that happens? We had heavy rainfall here today...I was drenched getting to my car. I get to Safeway, buy a few things and when I leave I walk out into warm, gorgeous sunshine. It makes a person .


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear you,

You creeped me the heck out when you were hitting on me a couple of years ago... it wasn't just the fact that you were 30 years older than me -- I just got this "vibe" that made me want to stay far away. 

Guess what I learned? You're _married._ Yep. Score another one for the good ol' instincts.


----------



## Saoirse

Dear Bob-

This summer, your penis belongs to me.

Love, me :wubu:


----------



## Nutty

Dear Nutty,

Get a new hookah

Love,
_Nutty_


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Pussy,

I've really got my heart set on going to the 80's day at the museum, especially since you said you'd come with/take me----DON'T LET ME DOWN, Please? <3


Lovingly Yours,
Cherry


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Family,

Why is it, that just because the son is lazy, the whole family needs to change their lifestyle? I'm sorry, When I feel like beating the snot out of people for no reason, I don't feel like socializing. 

I look forward to seeing how this all plays out

Sincerely,
The Daughter





Dear Spumante,
You are effing delicious.
But will you get me drunk? 
We shall see. . . 

Sincerely,
Your Murderer/Lover/AKA- The Consumer.


----------



## Wagimawr

Dear Matt Groening,

WHY.

Signed,

Me


----------



## Lovelyone

kristineirl said:


> both of you need to summon the rain to my part of town!
> 
> "I'm gonna send a little rain your way"



Dear Kristineirl- 
I talked to the higher-ups and they informed me that you are due for a deluge. Don't kill the messenger.


----------



## Littleghost

Dear google chrome,
After years of being faithful to Firefox, I find myself spending more and more time with you. However, I cannot and will not be with you if you can't be accommodating. I need someone who can change; their scroll bar to match my left-handedness. I've been patient, but I need an answer soon. Please don't make me a browser slut.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Terri,
Stop being such a grumpy, grump today. Its a beautiful day out. Go for walk and let loose some of those endorphins. OR, even better, go get a bite to eat so that you aren't so pissy.

Terri


----------



## willowmoon

Wagimawr said:


> Dear Matt Groening,
> 
> WHY.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Me



Actually I liked it quite a bit. One of the few highlights in a show that should have been cancelled probably eight seasons ago or so.


----------



## willowmoon

Dear Popeye's Chicken,

Please open up a place here in Green Bay. Now.

Kthanxbye,

Me


----------



## Linda

Dear Bumble Bee...

Could you kindly stop bomb diving me when I get home from work. You are quite annoying. But my neighbors enjoy the high pitched screams coming from me.

Sincerely,

Just wanting to make it inside


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Chinese Buffet in My Town,
Please get more food choices
I ABSOLUTELY Love your food, don't get me wrong.
I'd just like some more choices.  


Sincerely,
Me.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear D,

No matter how hard I try, I can't make the break. The fact that I know deep down, it is the best thing for me to do, makes no difference. You keep me hanging on and hoping, and it is starting to feel like torture. Please make up your mind 

Love,
Kimberly


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Much Younger Brother,
You need to learn to SHUT UP When you do not get your way.

Rushing in while I'm playing my game because you JUST WOKE UP, is just ..Rude? Aggrivating? 

Then proceeding to yell at me that "YOUHAVETOWATCHYOURMOVIE " "CAUSE ITSBRANDNEW", then THROWING A FIT because I POINTED OUT it was REPEATED AT NOON... Is no way to start my day, if you expect your day to go well.


No, I'm not "Getting Cranky" because I won't forgive your rudeness.
You think just because Your bible says I should, I will.
Well I don't have to. He's not my god. 
Tough Luck, Kiddo.
Try Again. 


Your Very Pissed Off Sibling,
Moi.


PS:

I hope you didn't wake mom and dad up.
Cause then, you really WON'T be watching that movie that I stopped playing my game for.


----------



## Dmitra

Dear Sir or Madam of the Universe,

Thank you for allowing me to see my family in NJ. I hope to be able to see them again very soon! Please help me make that happen.

Yours,
Maria


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Higher Power, or Powers.

Please Allow me to go to california.
Please.
I want this more than anything, hell, I'm even doing odd jobs for cash.
I don't want to wait until I'm 35 and he's married with kids.
Kthnxbai, 
Moi.


----------



## Tooz

Dear people (some on Dims, lately):
Stop taking pictures of yourself in moving vehicles. The vanity of such an action is highly obnoxious and unsafe-- don't complain when you get in a crash because you Just Had To Take One More Myspace-Lookin' Pic Because You're So Cute.

Arghghg!

What happened to safe driving?


----------



## willowmoon

Dear Box Of Cookie Dough Ice Cream Sitting In My Freezer,

You are an evil temptress.

Regards,

Me


----------



## Paquito

Tooz said:


> Dear people (some on Dims, lately):
> Stop taking pictures of yourself in moving vehicles. The vanity of such an action is highly obnoxious and unsafe-- don't complain when you get in a crash because you Just Had To Take One More Myspace-Lookin' Pic Because You're So Cute.
> 
> Arghghg!
> 
> What happened to safe driving?



I'm too busy texting and driving with my knees to take those pictures. :happy:


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear you-
The saying "God don't like ugly" is NOT about your physical appearance. Its more about how you treat people--just thought I would let you know that since you seem to be a bit confused about it.

Pandora-
I will not open that box, no matter how good it looks from the outside. You are a plastic person with a plastic smile, a heart that is as hard as concrete, and a brain which is filled with those styrofoam dots that are in beanbag chairs. Saddest thing is...you taught your kids to be just like you--a FAT BIGOT. 


Pandora's sister- 
You aren't getting any love, either--so move the f*ck on. Go tell your sob stories to someone who can tolerate listening to your fake, whiny, lying, manipulative, self-serving ass.


----------



## Christov

Dear Jerry Seinfeld,

What _is_ the deal with airline food? 

Love, moi.


----------



## Famouslastwords

Tooz said:


> Dear people (some on Dims, lately):
> Stop taking pictures of yourself in moving vehicles. The vanity of such an action is highly obnoxious and unsafe-- don't complain when you get in a crash because you Just Had To Take One More Myspace-Lookin' Pic Because You're So Cute.
> 
> Arghghg!
> 
> What happened to safe driving?



Tooz-

Just for clarification, all car pictures of me are taken in the passenger seat.

Sincerely,

Management


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear dog owning neighbors,
It's not cool to leave your aggressive dog at home all day long to lunge at the window barking her ass of every time someone walks by. It's loud, annoying and shakes my apartment every 15 minutes. It's not cool to have a dog and not care for it like it needs. That goes to the other neighbors who leave their whimpering yappy little dogs on the porch all day long so you don't have to come home to walk them. It's heart breaking to hear those poor souls crying all day.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear (older) ladies who work on the same floor as me,

Ok first, have you ever heard of washing your hands after you use the bathroom? You should know better! That's just gross!:doh: Also, if you would pay attention to the food you put in your bodies, you would not have to KILL US ALL every day when we step in the bathroom (if you can't digest certain things anymore, please do not eat them). Courtesy flushes are nice too. I mean be actual LADIES! And Mrs. Whatever-your-name-is down at the end of the cubicles...yeah, everyone knows you go barefoot in the bathroom! Are you for real??!!! That is not only disgusting but no one wants to see your feet! This is a PROFESSIONAL office.  

Totally Digusted and sick of it,

Me


----------



## Famouslastwords

fat9276 said:


> Dear (older) ladies who work on the same floor as me,
> 
> Ok first, have you ever heard of washing your hands after you use the bathroom? You should know better! That's just gross!:doh: Also, if you would pay attention to the food you put in your bodies, you would not have to KILL US ALL every day when we step in the bathroom (if you can't digest certain things anymore, please do not eat them). Courtesy flushes are nice too. I mean be actual LADIES! And Mrs. Whatever-your-name-is down at the end of the cubicles...yeah, everyone knows you go barefoot in the bathroom! Are you for real??!!! That is not only disgusting but no one wants to see your feet! This is a PROFESSIONAL office.
> 
> Totally Digusted and sick of it,
> 
> Me



I tried to rep you to say eww (for the second time this week to say eww to someone) and got that I need to spread it around. Seriously, gross. Btw, give the digest something anymore ladies a break. I can't digest fats anymore. Or spices. Or... well a crapload of crap. Or I end up getting the shits. Maybe they've had their gallbladder out too, and find it hard adjusting. It's not easy sharing a bathroom with everyone you work with.


----------



## AuntHen

Famouslastwords said:


> I tried to rep you to say eww (for the second time this week to say eww to someone) and got that I need to spread it around. Seriously, gross. Btw, give the digest something anymore ladies a break. I can't digest fats anymore. Or spices. Or... well a crapload of crap. Or I end up getting the shits. Maybe they've had their gallbladder out too, and find it hard adjusting. It's not easy sharing a bathroom with everyone you work with.




FLW, I am sympathetic to that plight, but these ladies snack like non-stop... lots of popcorn (which we all know is going to clean a person out), and just junk all day... it's like they don't even try. I have worked on all the floors at this building and this one is just out of control


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Yeah, I will say, I've never understood how people CAN courtesy flush. Do you have ANY idea how many germs fly up FEET in the air when a toilet is flushed? Now imagine with your butt sitting on there how many germs are hitting your butt at point blank range...ew.


----------



## Famouslastwords

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Yeah, I will say, I've never understood how people CAN courtesy flush. Do you have ANY idea how many germs fly up FEET in the air when a toilet is flushed? Now imagine with your butt sitting on there how many germs are hitting your butt at point blank range...ew.



And my vajayjay is usually over the toilet so I'd totally get germs in my cooch. That's the #1 reason why I don't flush while I'm on the john.


----------



## littlefairywren

Famouslastwords said:


> And my vajayjay is usually over the toilet so I'd totally get germs in my cooch. That's the #1 reason why I don't flush while I'm on the john.



LOL...oh my, how I have missed you!!!! 

Dear Universe,

Why on earth didn't you install an off switch, when she was born? At the very least, you could have gone with an "instant personality make-over" button! I just want to slap her up-side the head.....sweet my ass!

Love and affection,
Kimberly


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Airfare Gods...thanks for the sale.  Can't wait!!
me


----------



## AuntHen

littlefairywren said:


> LOL...oh my, how I have missed you!!!!
> 
> Dear Universe,
> 
> Why on earth didn't you install an off switch, when she was born? At the very least, you could have gone with an "instant personality make-over" button! I just want to slap her up-side the head.....sweet my ass!
> 
> Love and affection,
> Kimberly



Dear K,

Why do I feel like I know who you are referring to... maybe I don't though... but it would be interesting to know if I was right. PM me! 

Love ya,

B


----------



## littlefairywren

fat9276 said:


> Dear K,
> 
> Why do I feel like I know who you are referring to... maybe I don't though... but it would be interesting to know if I was right. PM me!
> 
> Love ya,
> 
> B



Hiya B,

I know, that you know who it is! You know! LOL 
PM waiting!

Love ya too!!


----------



## cinnamitch

willowmoon said:


> Dear Popeye's Chicken,
> 
> Please open up a place here in Green Bay. Now.
> 
> Kthanxbye,
> 
> Me



I love the one in Madison. The one in Milwaukee not so much..


----------



## AuntHen

littlefairywren said:


> Hiya B,
> 
> I know, that you know who it is! You know! LOL
> PM waiting!
> 
> Love ya too!!




hahaha... I meant to comment on something like this before from you and tell you I knew and ughhhhhhhh


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear woman I work with:

Don't be hating on me because I haven't lived with my mother for almost 50 years. 




Moi


----------



## Lamia

Dear Spider in my Bathroom:

I noticed the many spider corpses in your web this morning. This pleases me greatly keep up the good work. I will try to clean around you although it's messing with my OCD. 

Love, 

Diann :wubu:


----------



## rellis10

Dear Jobcentre,

SEE YA SUCKA'S!!!!

Yours Ecstatically,
Me


----------



## Micara

Dear Coughing Co-Worker,

Please, either shut your door or take your sick ass home. I don't want what you've got.

XOXO,
Me


----------



## Linda

Dear Saturn,

Please come back soon.

Sincerely, Me


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Little Sister,

I love you more than you could ever imagine and would run into traffic for you, if it meant to save your life, but you have to stop ONLY calling me when you need a FAVOR or to DO SOMETHING for you. How about "how are you?" "let's go get coffee" etc... we used to just hang out and stuff, but I don't know what your problem is??!! Unfortunately for you, I am not as much of a pushover as I used to be with you... please find it in your heart to be more caring towards me OK??!! 

Love you lots and always will:wubu:

Your older but more immature sister


----------



## Christov

Dear alcomohol, why are you so tasty at first, but then turn into a terrible swill that dulls my senses?

Love and kisses, Christov.


----------



## CastingPearls

Sweetie,

You looked good in that green shirt today. I like you in purple too. If you can tell me to clean out the back of my car and not go to McDonalds, I can tell you to stop wearing that godawful orange shirt. In the name of all that is holy, please stop wearing it. Burn it. I'll spring for the matches and lighter fluid. Really, C--do you want to look like an Oompa-Loompa? I can wear orange. Not you. 

Love ya anyway,
Me


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear C,

I have never been called a liar by anybody who was worth anything anyway, and you're no different. By the way, if you don't want babies, USE A CONDOM.

Sincerely,

The Bitch Who Actually DIDN'T Tell Your Girlfriend


----------



## Lamia

Dear Customer

Why can you not understand that me saying each number individually is the same as what you are saying?

that number is ###-###-8 4 2 9

customer no it's ###-### eightyfourtwentynine

ARRRGGG!!! 

D


----------



## Linda

Dear Sensitive and Selfish,

Why can you not understand how hard it is for me to bite my tongue sometimes just to keep the peace? You make your life soooo much more complicated and dramatic by being so overly sensitive. Man-up! Claim your responsibilities. Find your passion in life. And live it. I don't want to be your cheerleader anymore. It isn't my job.

Sincerely,

I have my own life to live


----------



## Linda

To Whomever Barricades themself in the bathroom at work every single afternoon from 2-3:

What are you doing in there?  It must be serious because it takes an hour every single day!! And today I thought I might have heard the faint sound of moaning and then crying.  Was everything ok in there? I do have to say one thing for you...your regular alright. Maybe cut back on the fiber at lunch. 

And next week why don't you live a little and chose a different bathroom. Change it up. Get some new scenery. 

Please! Please! Please! 

The rest of us down that hall would like our bathroom back minus the fumes.

Sincerely,
Someone in the line that has formed


----------



## DeerVictory

Dear boy,

You're perfect and I don't deserve you. But I'm thrilled that I have you anyway. 

love, girl.


----------



## Gingembre

Raegan said:


> Dear boy,
> 
> You're perfect and I don't deserve you. But I'm thrilled that I have you anyway.
> 
> love, girl.



Bet you do deserve him


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear M,

I'm spilling my heart out to you today.
Please let me down gently.
I love you, I'd do anything to be with you
Don't crush me.. 

Sincerely,
Moi.


----------



## Christov

Dear ex,

Despite not liking you very much and being overwhelmingly tired of your bullshit, I would, if given the chance, fuck your brains out and motorboat your giant tits until I die.

Ever crude, 

Christov.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear clothing fairy-
You are sublime. Thank you. 
Forever yours, Terri


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Universal Godzilla,

I swear on all things holy and soft.
ONE. MORE. DAY.
One more Mother EFFING Day, Of this depression.
And Me and you are going to have words. WOOORDS!

Also
Throw me a hot man already. It's been 20 goddang years.

Oh, and it wouldn't hurt if you'd keep me from saying stupid stuff and making a complete ass out of myself, either. 


Totally Yours,
M.


PS: Can you please let my friends know I just can't deal with "Constructive Criticism." Kay Thanks. 






~------------~


Dear Crush,
You know what.
It may be true that I love you.
And knowing you don't want to get attached because I'm far away, is understandable, painful, and understandable.

But last month, the night you told me "I like curves...but you've got more than enough." and said you'd like to see me 100lbs lighter? You killed a peice of me. My heart, and myself.

You brought me back to my "Ex".
Though he was thousands of miles away.
He still managed to kill my heart every chance he got.

Since that night. I have looked at myself as repulsive.
I stopped wearing my halter, my babydoll, my capris.
I've started wearing shorts over my bathing suit, because even though it has a skirt attached, my jiggly thighs still show. 


And just like my "Ex".
I would do anything to get you to love me.
I would walk to the end of the earth.
I would dye and cut my hair.
I would wear color-changing contacts.
Anything and Everything.


But you know what?

Just like my "Ex"
You can go fuck yourself. 
I know It's going to hurt getting over you. Even if you were never mine. 

But who the HELL do you think you are, Telling ME I should lose weight. When YOU YOURSELF told me you weigh as much as me. And you know what? You LOOK Bigger than me. I make 350lbs look EFFING HOT. Yeah. I'm still going to be losing weight. But for ME. For ME and MY Health and MY happiness. Not being some walking dildo on half the country away from me wants me to.

I hope to always remain your friend.
Your Epic, You make me laugh, and we have a few great things in common. 

Be happy, you don't have some crazy fat chick wanting you anymore. Because I'm done. SUCK IT. 


Your Friend Forever,
Me! <3


----------



## willowmoon

Dear Fellow Restaurant Patron,

Why did you have to be flossing your teeth in public at the table next to mine? I'm sure your husband/boyfriend/whatever was embarassed. And the fact that you have more teeth than the Osmond family didn't help much, either. Glad you FINALLY left.

Sincerely,

Disgusted in Wisconsin


----------



## largenlovely

Dear BP.

I hate you 

Melissa


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Christov said:


> Dear ex,
> 
> Despite not liking you very much and being overwhelmingly tired of your bullshit, I would, if given the chance, fuck your brains out and motorboat your giant tits until I die.
> 
> Ever crude,
> 
> Christov.




Dear Christov,

I have my own ex that I sometimes _still_ miss having sex with. He is bad news and I let that desire prolong his presence in my life too long. 

It's not worth it. I'm sure you know that by now though. 

Sincerely, 
Moi


----------



## Weirdo890

Dear Me,

It's time to stop lying about all day and get something done. Draw a drawing every day. Doodle if you must. Just do something productive so it seems like you're actually working towards your dream.

Love,
Yourself


----------



## lalatx

Dear Merry bunch of nitwits standing in the alley, 

People drive down the alley to get to their homes. When a car comes at you MOVE. Do not continue scratching whom I can only assume was your mothers back. Why are you a grown man doing this in a alley anyways? More importantly why are there 10 people around you, none of which have the sense to move when the moving vehicle comes at them. I wanted to hit you with my car, but you are my neighbor. I will have to be happy knowing that natural selection will take care of you sooner rather than later. 

Hugs, kisses, puppies and all that jazz, 

Moi


----------



## Proner

Dear former coach,

In your face!! I really need to say it as you still try to put me down behind my back.

Pissed off Proner


----------



## willowmoon

Dear MST3K,

Please come back. We miss you terribly. 

Love,

Misties Around The World


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Plastic Disposable Drinking Cups,

Why won't you let the balls land in you, you know you want them!
You TOTALLY thew my game off tonight.


Disappointedly yours,
M.


----------



## Christov

Dear guy who I fell asleep on while riding the bus,

If I dribbled on your shoulder, I apologise, but the fact you didn't shake me awake earlier indicates there was a period of acceptance in the situation we'd both found ourselves in.

Forever snoozing/not snoozing,
Christov.


----------



## Proner

Dear camera,

I really hoped you will work this time, I made a nice and long video and again I can't upload it on my computer... please that make so much time I didn't upload a Bordeaux's video on youtube!

Begging Proner


----------



## mimosa

Dear Glamorous

You had to ask him if he was in love with me....doesn't that indicate anything to you? 

Yes, he cares about your well-being. It shows that he is a caring human being. One of the things that makes him so wonderful. 

Your threat is pretty empty, my dear. I am sorry, but you don't scare me at all. 

I truly hope that you will find true happiness and peace within yourself someday. It's so sad that you take it out on others that care about you. I hope you decide to work on yourself very soon. 
I have to confess that I am not perfect. I decided to work on myself as well. 

I hope we can all find a conclusion to this complicated situation. 

I wish you all the best, 

Dolce Vita


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves

Dear Mr. Mark-

If you're scheduled to be at work at 5 in the morning tomorrow, why oh why did you volunteer to work tonight until 9? If someone else called off, it's not your responsibility! 

Oh, that's why. Because they wouldn't have called you unless it was necessary. And because if you ARE looking for that promotion to go through in the very near future, you have to impress. And the extra money will probably go right into savings for that apartment you've been looking into with that special someone.

I really hope they don't expect you to be... "chipper"... tomorrow. 

Missing the bed.
Mr. Mark


----------



## Saoirse

Dear guy who kissed me yesterday-

Pretty much, you rock. I adore being around you and I think you like being around me. Im glad we had the chance to talk things out. Im glad to know where you stand with things and I hope our new relationship evolves smoothly, into something we *both* want. Im trying my damnedest not to rush into anything or to make you feel uncomfortable, but unfortunately, its what I've always done and bad habits seem to be the hardest to break.

And I wish I could tell you all this without turning into a mess. 

-Me


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear you,

GDIAF. Kthx. 

Dear you,

It took me a long time to realize you have an actual addiction, but WOW do you ever. Don't know that putting it on display for others to see on basically a daily basis is a good idea. Just seeing it every day makes me feel... weird. Like I'm an enabler, even though I'm not involved in your life in any way. I feel sorry for you.

Dear you,

I look at you, and I just.don't.get your appeal. I've no doubt multiple others feel the same way about me, but... wow. I think they all need glasses and perhaps some training in the recognition of psychotic personalities.

Dear other you,

Yeah, pretty much exactly what I just said. That goes for you too, only minus the personality part. You're actually pretty nice.

Dear me,

I know things are crap right now, and having someone bully you day in and day out without recourse is making you angry, but keep supressing your desire to take it out on others, please. It's not you. This is as close as you need to get to telling people off. Kthx.

-Me.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Everyone-

I read each and every post in this thread and I've come to realize that there are back stories to each and every one of the people who post and most of us are unaware of the REAL life behind the words. There are things about everyone's lives that we don't understand and have no clue about. There are some things about peoples lives that we that we might not even possibly imagine. We really only get an infinitesimal viewpoint into your lives and this little inkling helps us develop an idea of whom you are. Its my human nature to categorize people. I've used words like..."friendly, funny, intelligent, hard working single mom,sweet, determined, challenging, and...not so pleasant" to describe some of the posters here (IN MY MIND). TO me its not a slight against you...its just the viewpoint I get from your postings, and you might get the same from mine. Some people seem so happy in their lives. Others, not so much so. I fall into the last category. There are parts of my life that make me so delightfully happy that I can hardly speak--and there are things that make me want to cry until I am all cried out. I am having one of THOSE days.

I am frustrated, angry, pissed, sore, boiled over almost to the point of no return...and I am not proud of that. I just don't have anyone to turn to in this moment and writing it here is a form of relief--almost a cathartic purging of the anger, if you will--and once I write the words, I can let go of the feelings. 

I live with an 11 year old child who falls under the "autism umbrella". 
She is a high functioning child whose mother allows her to get away with EVERYTHING and uses the excuse, "My child is special. I am the ONLY one who knows how to deal with her". This child stays up all night on the computer (no she has no bed time cos mommy said its easier to deal with her if she just goes to bed when she wants) and sleeps all day long. She eats incessantly, is spoiled, rude, angry at the world, antagonistic, snide, greedy, violent (not only has she punched holes in the wall but she's broken dishes, furniture, and--she's gotten into fist fights with her step dad and 20-year old brother). She does what she wants when she wants, TELLS people what to do (instead of asking), expects YOU to cater to her every need, and pretty much gets that while her mother is around. The saddest part is that she ACTS decently when her mother is NOT around. She minds people, is kind, thoughtful, creative, intelligent, and funny. 

Tonight I had words with this child and she came at me like a mad woman trying to choke me and gouge my eyes out with her fingers(literally). Had her mother not stepped in between us, I fear I might be spending the night in jail. I have NEVER been a violent person but had that child gotten nearer to me...I might have been--and I am ashamed of that. I let my mouth get the better of me. I haven't a clue as to how to react now. I am NOT in fear of my life, but had you seen the face of this child when she came at me...had you viewed the anger and heard spiteful language that spilled out of this child's mouth...I think that you might be a little concerned, too. I realize that she spewed those words out of anger and maybe even frustration. Now, I worry about what will happen the next time she gets her nose out of kink. There is a deep-seated concern inside me about her being alone in a room with her little sister, I worry about what she will do when she becomes so enraged that she is willing to hurt someone to relieve her anger. I do NOT want to be in the same room with the child and I feel horrible about that, because she IS a child. She does have issues and I want to be supportive but I feel as if my hands are tied and that I have NO support. My situation is not one where I can just up and leave and I am at my wits end. 

Why did I write all this? Post this for people to see? I thought about that myself when I was halfway through this posting--and all I can say is that I feel better knowing that I am here typing and not out there yelling. I figured that an inkling into my life might let you see that I am not a "princess", nor am I a "mean angry bitch". My life isn't all about being an ssbbw like someone tried to point out to me on a different thread. I have everyday problems, just like you do. Life isn't easy for any of us..and its been especially hard for me lately--I just hope that it all turns around soon, cos I feel as if I am drowning and I am not even in water. *sigh*. In the meanwhile I will try to remember that I don't know everyone's back story to their lives when I read their posts.


----------



## LisaInNC

Dear Idiots of the world, 

Why is it when you feel the need to tell me how fat I am, you do it as a driveby? Why cant you walk up to me in a store or something and say these things? It makes me feel sad that I never have a chance to retort.

Love, 

Donkeybutt?


----------



## AuntHen

willowmoon said:


> Dear MST3K,
> 
> Please come back. We miss you terribly.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Misties Around The World




Dear Willowmoon,

I second the motion!  That would rock!! 

Sincerely,

The Girl Sitting Next To Tom Servo


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

LisaInNC said:


> Dear Idiots of the world,
> 
> Why is it when you feel the need to tell me how fat I am, you do it as a driveby? Why cant you walk up to me in a store or something and say these things? It makes me feel sad that I never have a chance to retort.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Donkeybutt?




Dear Lisa,

I have found that bitchslapping works much better than simple retorts. It is supremely more satisfying as well. 

Moi


----------



## lalatx

Dear Rain, 

I like it when you come around for days on end. I like the way you make the skies overcast and how the air smells when you are around. Please stick around but only until Friday b/c I have plans this weekend and would be mad if you mess them up.


K Thanks 

-Morgan


----------



## Saoirse

dear guy who stuck his peener in me-

thanks. let's do it again. :eat2:

-me and my hole


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Media and other Lying sources of entertainment,
You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!

:/ It breaks my heart to hear a 7 year old boy telling me he has to go on a diet, because he has a _*Tiny*_ buldge of a belly. 

I hope you know how you fuck up childrens views of the world, and of themselves, when you promote eating disorders and slutty celebrities. 


Sincerely,
The Concerned Older Sister.


----------



## willowmoon

Saoirse said:


> dear guy who stuck his peener in me-
> 
> thanks. let's do it again. :eat2:
> 
> -me and my hole



To quote C-3PO from the Star Wars films, "Oh my !!!"


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Winter

I want to break up I used to love you but now you are colder than ever I am not sure I even like you anymore


Freezing and in need of snuggling


----------



## KittyKitten

Dear random mofos,

When you talk to me, please stop staring at my protuding booty and hanging girls, look at my face! I know I'm sexy, but damn. No matter what I wear I can't help it for stuff hangs out.

Oh, and if I tell you I am in a relationship, don't try to say "Can I be your friend?" Yeah you want to be friends alright...............FWBs

Sincerely,

Happyface83


----------



## supersizebbw

I like coming to this thread and the confessions thread because it reminds me that everyone on here is human and goes through REAL problems. Reading through some of these posts i've laughed and in some almost cried *HUGS* to all of you going through rough times. With that said...


Dear "so called best friend",

I'm super mad at you because of your SELFISH ways. That's right, your turning out to be one of the most selfish people i know on the planet and since i can't tell it to your face i guess i might as well say it here. I'm mad at you because:

-I recently had a big achievement of which i'd struggled with and your response was "congrats, i've had a rough day, will email you back tomorrow" nevermind that you were on facebook all day that day, well i'm still waiting to hear from you...

-I recently was on holiday with you and you were after all the cute hot guys who might i add some of whom had girlfriends and i said nothing....but that day when i wanted to go say hi to one of the hot guys you stopped me and told me, "just leave it, don't bother talking to him because he's super popular and only goes for a certain calibre of girls".

-During that same holiday i then had a crush on a very ordinary guy who you didn't even notice existed untill i told you i liked him, next thing i knew you told me "i met mr. X when i was out and went to talk to him, it turns out me and him have alot in common and i think he likes me and we may go out soon".

-Don't even get me started on your "weight loss tips" which are basically supposed to guilt me into loosing weight and insinuating that it's why i'm alone. and just because you've watched the biggest loser, doesn't make you an authority on weight loss

Dear "so called best friend" i'm getting sick and tired of your BULLSHIT and i'm starting to wonder how i ended up ever being friends with you at all.


----------



## KittyKitten

Dear Daddy,

Father's day is coming up and i want to tell you that I love you. I have inherited your height, temper, pride, and acuteness in smelling bullshit. You always taught me to be assertive and to stand my ground. You were always protective of me as I was your only girl. I used to hate your strictness but it has made me a better person and I understand.....you never wanted nobody to hurt your baby. I remember when I was a little girl, you looked so tall and strong. Now you are getting older, sicker, and more frail, but you still have that ______ family spirit! Boy do you have good hearing. I love you with all my heart and I will continue to love you even though your time on earth is ending soon. I write this with tears in my eyes.

Sincerely,

Your baby girl


----------



## Saoirse

dear amazing guy-

it happens. dont be embarrassed. me and my crotch took it as a compliment. 

-me


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear HappyFace,

Sorry to read that your Dad is ill. Hope he surprises you and bounces back soon

Moi


----------



## KittyKitten

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear HappyFace,
> 
> Sorry to read that your Dad is ill. Hope he surprises you and bounces back soon
> 
> Moi



Thank you, Green Eyed Fairy. He's 70 right now and his knees are terrible that he has to walk with a cane and his blood pressure is high so he has to rely on medications every night. We tell him to get knee surgery but he is afraid he will get a seizure (he has a history of them) and not wake up from the hospital bed.....but he still has a strong spirit.


----------



## NYCGabriel

_*Actually I'm much better than before. This is just an entry from my online journal.
*_
Dear shrew in albany....

Some advice for you if you get any new boyfriends...

if you have a bad day at your job/internship, do not take it out on your partner. Don't belittle them, nag them, be pissy, be bitchy. yes be surly, let it out but don't take it on them and make them think it's their fault. 

If you do, then you are a weak and worthless person not deserving of ANY love or ANY loyalty. When I have a bad day, I most certainly did not take it out on anyone in my life. You projected your own frustrations onto me. You're no worse than an abuser, a bully.

You treat me right, you treat me like gold I will return it ten fold. But you belittle me, make me feel small, make stupid jokes at my expense mocking things I like, then you lose everything. Every stupid joke mocking me, every needless & hurtful criticism killed me little by little. being properly raised prevented me from really lashing out at you in response. 

I made sure to have breakfast ready for you, I made sure to have a packed lunch for you, I made sure to have a hot dinner ready for you when you came back from work. I even made dinner for you when I came back from work I went out late at night through bad neighborhoods so you can have study snacks, candies and cakes when you were working on your master's. I went out in rainstorms, powerful winds to bring back chinese food, pizza. I know you were somewhat appreciative but your emotional nagging and bullying outweighed that.

Supporting me.. Bull-fucking-shit. I didn't ask for money. I didn't ask for clothing. I didn't ask for help with my bills. I didn't ask for much if anything at all. I paid for my own bills. I bought my own things. I even paid some of your bills *I* gave you whole checks from my 2nd job for grocery money and extra spending money for you.

I told you moving to albany was a bad idea and it would change things for the worse. i was right before about my hunches and this proved it.

When someone is feeling depressed and really down about how their life was squandered, let's say after watching a college graduation.. do NOT be a selfish bitch, or bastard, and dismiss it. Don't ignore them. Don't get angry at them. Don't be emotionally selfish and mock them

When someone needs a ride at 2, 3 o'clock in the morning from a bus terminal, don't be a fucking selfish fuck and say you're "too tired" or say "it's scary over there" when there are round the clock bus terminal security, at any given monent FIVE ticket windows opens and loads of video cameras all over the place. Make sense? Capital city... bus terminal being a major port of transportation... HELLO?

Do not make fun of anything the other person likes. Like a comic book, tv show, clothing or hobby. It's not funny no matter how much spin you put on it. and insult is still insult no matter how much sugar you put on it, you passive aggressive bitch.

And also getting angry at when someone calls you on it just proves how much in the wrong you are. Do not call them immature. YOU do not have the right to make such a comment. Just because your idea of fun happens to be lame and boring doesn't give you the right to insult the other person.

Don't try to change your partner's musical tastes and "bust their chops" over how different it is from yours. dont whine about how he doesnt like your music. No one form of music better than the other. The other person has to put up with your crap. So should you.

Don't nitpick and whine and nag and be a burden to someone in the throes of an ADHD hit. Whatever needs to be done, gets done on the ADD sufferer's list of 50 Thousand Things to Do. The more you piss them off, the more you make them feel bad, the more you make them feel guilty, the more you belittle them, the more you risk alienating them.

fuck you very much.

Gabriel


----------



## Christov

Dear pizza,

You are dry. Moisten up.

Om nom nom, 
Christov.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Sun,

Why are you so mean?
Take some Damn Midol!

Is it any WONDER I have vampire-syndrome going on? 

You Suck,
Megan.





Dear Mother Nature,

I miss you. I Can't wait to sit in your lush forestry and be one with you again. It was a most amazing experience, which I hope to soon repeat. 


Forever,
Megan.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Dad,

Thanks for the phone call this morning! I miss and love you so much too:wubu: You who taught me to love whole-fresh good quality foods, nature and nature walks, the "little pleasures" in life, tea, the benefits of the 15-20 min afternoon nap (haha), swimming in ponds and irrigation ditches and so many other wonderful things!:happy:

Love,

Your Daughter


----------



## Linda

Dear Self...

Never ...

believe anyone that says trust me.

drive 20 hours to looking for something

feel bad because of other people's issues

hold yourself back from doing the right thing

and

let them see you sweat.


Sincerely,

Self


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Awesome Gamers And Geeks (especially near me),

It seems like in the past month, I've met more of you than ever before! 

You can totally keep coming out of the woodwork. 
Really! I'm _Loving_ it. 

The more people I can talk to about my obsession with videogames, and internet fads, the merrier a Megan I am! 


Your Uber-Fan,
Moi!


----------



## Lamia

Dear Online Contact Lens Customers,

I know this might a shocker for you, but you still have to have a prescription from a doctor for contact lenses, and guess what? You have to buy what he prescibed you. So if on your script it says Acuvue 2 that doesn't mean Acuvue Advance....or Acuvue 2 colors....it means [email protected]#[email protected]# Acuvue 2. Stop guessing at your Base Curve and Diameter. The doctor measured your eye for a reason. 

Also, I realize that you put off buying your lenses until the last moment, but placing your order at 2am on a Sunday and paying overnight shipping will not get them to you on Monday. In fact, guess what?? You have toric lenses and crazy measurement that we just don't keep on hand. So you have to wait for a lab to make them. Hope you enjoy your lenses in 4 weeks. 

Love,

Diann :wubu:


----------



## Micara

Dear Mother Nature,

We get it. You're a bad bitch. Now, how bout some sunlight??

XOXO,
Me


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear Las Vegas,

It was close, but I'm happy to say I will be seeing you this year.
:wubu:

XOXO excited basher :kiss2:


----------



## Saoirse

Dear Mom and Dad-

Happy 25th anniversary. 

One day, I hope to be in a relationship that's as loving and stable as yours. You two are an inspiration to my brothers and I.

Love,
your very grateful daughter.


----------



## kristineirl

Dearest Sleep,

I know, I know, we had a really big fight last night and you didn't come to my side all night long. I really miss you, even though it has only been one day... I guess I'm just used to always relying on you to fulfill my nights. It was nice to see the sun rise and all, but nothing compares to you. 

Please, just come back, everything is so weird without you. 

&#9829;,
Kristine.


----------



## Saoirse

amazing guy- 

calllll meeeeeeeeee


-me


----------



## msbard90

Dearest appendages and phalanges,

As much as I pamper you and medicate you, you still love to fuck me over. I'm about to cut you from my life- literally.

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Life-
Gimme a break will ya? Honestly--I am tired of all the BS. 
Can we try something different tomorrow, please?

T.


Dear Vegas-
I can wait to come there and relax, swim, get away from it all.
T. 


Dear Mosquitos-
Do you intentionally go for the most inconvenient spot to bite us? Is it Rule #1 in the MoSquito Manual 2010 that if you see someone you should bite them in a place where they cant reach to itch? grrrrrrr
T.


----------



## Paquito

Dear Dims - 

I am Paquito, hear me roar.

From,

Formerly free2beme04


----------



## littlefairywren

Paquito said:


> Dear Dims -
> 
> I am Paquito, hear me roar.
> 
> From,
> 
> Formerly free2beme04



Hmmm, I am thinking Paquito (nice name btw), that a new profile pic is in order to go with your new name


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Paquito,

I'm tired of this name changing shit around here.


FYI.


Moi


----------



## Lamia

Dear Crazy Customer,

I told you at Midnight, when you called, that your credit card is blocked and I can't place an order for you. In fact, it's screaming in the notes "DO NOT PLACE ORDER!!!" because your card is hot. This card is under someone else's name. You have now tried to place an order since June 2nd 26 times with this card, under 3 different spellings of your name. I also found another account under your name in a different state with the same email and that was 11 times in 2008. Are you really this stupid? Do you think we're going to slip up and send you the order? Your credit card isn't going to work. You've now called twice and I explained to you that your card is blocked. You called me back at 4 am to say you talked to your bank and they said it was fine. Really? Your bank is open at midnight? Now you've called back 3 times and hung up because I'm the only one here you crazy thieving broad. 

STOP CALLING!!!


----------



## Christov

Dear friend,

If you suggest we go drinking but then don't give me any details beyond "It'll be awesome!", I seriously doubt that we will indeed be boozing it up.

Always a liquor magnet, 
Christov.


----------



## Gingembre

Dear T,

WHAT DID I DO?!

- Confused/Disheartened Me


----------



## Famouslastwords

Lamia said:


> Dear Crazy Customer,
> 
> I told you at Midnight, when you called, that your credit card is blocked and I can't place an order for you. In fact, it's screaming in the notes "DO NOT PLACE ORDER!!!" because your card is hot. This card is under someone else's name. You have now tried to place an order since June 2nd 26 times with this card, under 3 different spellings of your name. I also found another account under your name in a different state with the same email and that was 11 times in 2008. Are you really this stupid? Do you think we're going to slip up and send you the order? Your credit card isn't going to work. You've now called twice and I explained to you that your card is blocked. You called me back at 4 am to say you talked to your bank and they said it was fine. Really? Your bank is open at midnight? Now you've called back 3 times and hung up because I'm the only one here you crazy thieving broad.
> 
> STOP CALLING!!!



My bank is open at Midnight. US Bank ftw! 24 hour customer service. Anyway, ummm I hate thieves, what does she want so bad from your catalog anyway?


----------



## Linda

Dear Huge, hairy, black spider,

Please. Please. Pleeeeeaaaasseee come out from under the dryer so I can squish you and not have nightmares of you crawling into my bed at night when I am sleeping.

Sincerely,

Me


----------



## Micara

Dear Clock,

Please move thy ass.

XOXO,
Me


----------



## TraciJo67

Dear M. Night Shyamalan:

I see idiots. Walking around like regular people. They don't see each other. They don't even know that they're idiots. I see idiots. All the time. They're everywhere.


----------



## Lamia

Famouslastwords said:


> My bank is open at Midnight. US Bank ftw! 24 hour customer service. Anyway, ummm I hate thieves, what does she want so bad from your catalog anyway?



A Chinese pot....maybe she's confusing A pot that's decorative and sits on your mantle with just pot.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe,

Long time, no chit chat. Look after her for me, and I promise I will be good....ta.

Love 
Kimberly


----------



## OneFAsView

Dear Creationist and Evolutionist, 

You're both right!!!!


Yours truly, 

God


----------



## Christov

Dear club I went to last night,

You are loud, crowded, and full of idiots. You charged me £2.40 for a tiny little cup of whiskey and coke where I could have gone up the road and got more for £1.99. It cost me £2 to get in and I barely spent any time inside because it was so shit. Also, your bouncers suck balls, there was a massive fight that started in the club that sprawled up the road but because it had moved off the property it "wasn't their problem", which resulted in a guy getting his head kicked in by four people. 

The only saving grace is that girl that melted my heart as soon as I saw her, but because I'm a socially inept dipshit and because drinks cost so much, I could never get enough Dutch courage to go and talk to her. 

As alcoholic as always, 
Christov.


----------



## Linda

Dear Self,

Who should you ride with tomorrow. Your peers, whom you should probably associate yourself with or the residents who you will have a much better time with? 

If you chose your peers they will sit up front and gossip about every single resident and physician you work with maliciously. Not something you do at all. They will go on and on trying to lure you into the banter. You will be miserable. Trying to ignore them by either pretending to be asleep or texting your friends back home, telling them how miserable you are. You will also be home before the five year old's birthday party you should attend in the afternoon.

Now if you choose to ride with the residents said peers in the first car will add you to their malicious gossip list and more than likely pay you back next week by keeping valuable information from you, making you look like an ass as usual in front of the physicians because you are kept in the dark about the schedule, needed paperwork, etc. However, you will have more fun in the car with the residents and you will be able to get to know them on a much different level than you are able to at work. Downfall: they will probably want to stay most of the day, joining in the events surrounding the funeral and visiting with family and friends. Many you don't even know. You will more than likely not make it back to town before dinner, missing the five year old's birthday party.

Hmmmmm......choose wisely self.


Sincerely,

Weighing the Pros and Cons


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Aer',
Sorry I Can't make it for..........

**Scratches Paper**


Dear Aer',

As much as I appreciate you asking me to come camping with you and your man for his birthday, And as much as I know I'd enjoy whatever was brought, I just am too uncomfortable with the idea of camping with you and him. I need more to do than watch you people cuddle while I go to bed and hope not to choke on my own black hearts vomit.

Now if you had also invited that adorable geek that was there for beer pong, I'd totally be game...

Your friend for life,
Megs.


----------



## AuntHen

Christov said:


> Dear club I went to last night,
> 
> You are loud, crowded, and full of idiots. You charged me £2.40 for a tiny little cup of whiskey and coke where I could have gone up the road and got more for £1.99. It cost me £2 to get in and I barely spent any time inside because it was so shit. Also, your bouncers suck balls, there was a massive fight that started in the club that sprawled up the road but because it had moved off the property it "wasn't their problem", which resulted in a guy getting his head kicked in by four people.
> 
> The only saving grace is that girl that melted my heart as soon as I saw her, but because I'm a socially inept dipshit and because drinks cost so much, I could never get enough Dutch courage to go and talk to her.
> 
> As alcoholic as always,
> Christov.



Dear Christov,

I think most clubs are loud, crowded, and full of idiots...it's what happens when you mix alcohol and boredom with everyday people... were you really surprised?!! 

Just keepin' it real,

Me


----------



## LisaInNC

Dear Me, 

You have survived worse..suck it up and move on.

Love,

Your inner bitch


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Little Brother,

I wish you'd open up to us.
I want to know why you are so clingy on mom, and acting out so badly, and..getting angry.. at me? I used to be your hero, what did I do?

For the first time in the 3 years I've known you. 
You have completely baffled, and slightly offended me.
Your 7, but you act like a 13 year old girl on the freaking rag! 
One minute, you are frustrating the hell out of me, the next, I feel bad for you.


Anyhow.

I hope that I've appeased you, now that I am refusing to acknowledge you. You told me you wanted me to leave you alone, so I am. I know that treating you in such a manner is probably stupid on my part, but I just can't deal with your attitude. I was an only-child until 3 years ago. I'm still learning to deal with your shit, give me a break!


Have a happy weekend Bud,
Me.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear bro,

Thanks for the The Clash Chuck Taylors but if I have to listen to you explain to your Engrich-not-so-good wife where the goddamn caps lock is on her keyboard is for another freakin hour and 45 minutes, I'm gonna shove them down your throat.

P.S. Thanks for the lemoncello. Works well with the prednisone, dudn't it?


----------



## Linda

Dear Self,

You definately made the right decision today.

Sincerely,
Your awesome self


----------



## littlefairywren

Linda said:


> Dear Self,
> 
> You definately made the right decision today.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Your awesome self



Always follow that intuition, it is rarely wrong!


----------



## lalatx

Dear airstream trailers from which food is served from, 

I think its great that you are popping up in mass all over South Austin. I like all the choices and funky atmosphere. However I will NEVER eat Sushi from a trailer.

Thanks 

Moi


----------



## littlefairywren

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> Long time, no chit chat. Look after her for me, and I promise I will be good....ta.
> 
> Love
> Kimberly



Hey Universe, it is me again. I just came to say THANK YOU, and I will keep my end of the bargain! 

Love
Kimberly


----------



## lalatx

Christov said:


> Dear club I went to last night,
> 
> You are loud, crowded, and full of idiots. You charged me £2.40 for a tiny little cup of whiskey and coke where I could have gone up the road and got more for £1.99. It cost me £2 to get in and I barely spent any time inside because it was so shit. Also, your bouncers suck balls, there was a massive fight that started in the club that sprawled up the road but because it had moved off the property it "wasn't their problem", which resulted in a guy getting his head kicked in by four people.
> 
> The only saving grace is that girl that melted my heart as soon as I saw her, but because I'm a socially inept dipshit and because drinks cost so much, I could never get enough Dutch courage to go and talk to her.
> 
> As alcoholic as always,
> Christov.



Dear Christov, 

Clubs in general are shit. The 1st club I went to some guy bit me on the neck and tried to grab my lady parts. I also saw a chick dance without any underpants on in a cage. Later on in the evening she was screwing a guy in the lounge area. The night ended with my friends and I being banned from the Hilton Hotel downtown. 

My experiences since have not been that much better. 

My point is they are all shit. Bars/Pubs are slightly better. I find going with large groups very helpful. I feel a bit awkward when I am in large groups and I do not know anyone. Its the one time where I am quite and reserved. 

You do not need to be drunk to go up to a girl and just talk to her. She will appreciate that you are not shit faced or creepy and enjoy your humor. Also if a girl is worth anything at all you do not have to buy her a drink for her to give you the time of day. 

Thanks

-Me


----------



## Saoirse

dear guy from last summer-

funny how, after all these months of me pining over you, and you dicking me and your girlfriend around, the moment you find out that Im seeing someone else... you get all lovestruck.

now you'll do anything to be with me.

sorry, but ive moved on. 

-angry girl


----------



## LinCanDo66

Dear me,

When your "best friend" started seeing your guy behind your back you forgave her. Now that she's done it again there is no forgiveness left. Let her lie in the bed she made and take the trash to the street.

You will feel better in the morning about yourself, I promise.

Love,
Me


----------



## LisaInNC

LinCanDo66 said:


> Dear me,
> 
> When your "best friend" started seeing your guy behind your back you forgave her. Now that she's done it again there is no forgiveness left. Let her lie in the bed she made and take the trash to the street.
> 
> You will feel better in the morning about yourself, I promise.
> 
> Love,
> Me



I still really think you should tell her that it looks like ronald mcdonald threw up on her face and then punch her in the gunt.


----------



## mszwebs

LisaInNC said:


> I still really think you should tell her that it looks like ronald mcdonald threw up on her face and then punch her in the gunt.



Linny, 

I have to agree with Lisa on this one.

And then kick her in the vag.


Love you,

Jess


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear You-

You have SOME nerve, don't you? In all the time that we've been friends I only ever called you 2 times. There have been times that you called me and I just didn't want to chat but--I did. Whenever you called me I ALWAYS made time for you. I thought that's what friends do. There have been times that I talked you through hours of boredom from being on the road, chatted with you about life, the pursuit of happiness, the people in our lives, etc. NOT one time did i see your number come up on caller ID and say "Oh, I don't want to chat with that person. I will let it go to voice mail." I never thought, "I am too busy in my life to find out what's going on with this person." Each and every time you needed a friend I was there for you. You know that I am not much of a telephone kind of person. I never have been one who enjoys carrying on and chatting on the phone. For me to call you means that there is something wrong. For me to call means that *I* needed the friend for a change. You let me down. I called to let you know that my family was alright after all the severe thunderstorms, hail and tornadoes that came through my area and that our power was out and I would not be online for a few days until the power lines were fixed. How nice that one of the only times I ever called you--you sent me to voice mail and then didn't bother to give me a return call. I know you well enough to know that you looked at your phone to see who was calling. It would have taken about 2 minutes out of your life to return a phone call and say, "I'm glad that everyone is okay" and even LESS time to send an offline message that I could have received when the power came back on. Your concern...underwhelming. That's friendship for you. I guess we are only friends when you can fit me in, huh? I get it now...when you need a friend, I am at your beckon call. When I need a friend, it just depends on how busy you are. :bow:


----------



## Victim

Dear Z.....

Why are you deliberately trying to stir up shit just after we get things on a diplomatic level? You actually WANT *another* civil war, don't you? 

I like you, but don't expect any sympathy from me because you got banned. What the hell did you expect? Many of the people there are still your friends, even D.G. He banned you because he had to.

You can like the house guest but if they keep kicking your dog and putting their smokes out in your houseplants, you are going to quit inviting them over, even though you still go out for drinks every once in a while.


----------



## Victim

Double posted...


----------



## LinCanDo66

mszwebs said:


> Linny,
> 
> I have to agree with Lisa on this one.
> 
> And then kick her in the vag.
> 
> 
> Love you,
> 
> Jess



I agree too but then I might never get my leg back.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Dad,

I Can't wait until I am gone.
Maybe I'll get lucky and be able to move states away. You would be so happy, I'm sure.

Congratulations on hurting me like no man has since pedoman. Way to raise the bar.


Sincerely,
Your Offspring.



Dear Mom,
I love how you "Don't see the point in getting me a congratulations for Graduating" Card since I completed High School. I'm glad you think so highly of me. 

Always expecting less and less of you,
Me.



Dear Nightmares,

Please stop FUCKING my sleep up.
Kay? It's called MIDOL.

The Un-Sleeper,
M


----------



## Paquito

LinCanDo66 said:


> I agree too but then I might never get my leg back.



The imagery is just beautiful.
Brava.


----------



## Micara

Dear Somebody, Anybody:

Please get me an extra-large case of Nut Repellant. STAT. I cannot deal with these crazies anymore.

Desperately yours,
ME


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Micara said:


> Dear Somebody, Anybody:
> 
> Please get me an extra-large case of Nut Repellant. STAT. I cannot deal with these crazies anymore.
> 
> Desperately yours,
> ME



I'm sorry but that reminds me.....

What happened to NUTTY? Haven't seen a post from him in a while.


----------



## mszwebs

OneWickedAngel said:


> I'm sorry but that reminds me.....
> 
> What happened to NUTTY? Haven't seen a post from him in a while.



Pretty sure he 'sploded in a ball of "I'm leaving and I'm never coming back."


----------



## OneWickedAngel

mszwebs said:


> Pretty sure he 'sploded in a ball of "I'm leaving and I'm never coming back."



Oh dear! Poor kid made some faux pas and got ripped a new one, huh? 

Thanx Zweb-a-licious :kiss2:.


----------



## mimosa

My dear B,

Tonight you said I was your star in the dark. But I can truly say I understand the heart break that comes when a child is sick. If you need me, I promise to be here for you. I am praying for you and your baby all the time. There are wonderful doctors and nurses taking care of business. So please take care of yourself. Do not let your guardian angel work overtime. 

Sending tons of love and prayers,
N


----------



## Proner

Dear French Soccer's team,

Today is the day, you have one tiny chance to get out of the disaster you provoked. I learned by the news that some of you feel not emotionally ready to play and I don't know if I have to laugh or cry... so for the players who will play the today's game maybe you're not responsible of the disaster (as it's mostly due to three or four players) but I beg you to give everything you got and show some pride this afternoon, bring back some honor to this jersey.

Still believing in you (except the three or four divas) Proner


----------



## CastingPearls

Hey guess what guys,

Yes, you guessed it. The meds DO affect my mood. The pick-axe next to me in the driveway WAS looking pretty tempting which is why I went into the house and left the two of you standing there with your thumbs up your ass.
Thanks for digging the fire-pit. I can see all of us toasting marshmallows and singing Kumbaya real soon.
If you get started on painting the deck after I asked you twenty fucking times in the past eight weeks, maybe I'll make something tasty for dinner. Or maybe I'll just tell you to eat the stale donuts on the counter because I'm going to continue taking full advantage of 'teh crazy' until I decide I'm done playing. 
And you're right, I never WAS a bitch before to YOU but I'm starting to like the taste of it. A lot.

Seriously, don't fuck with
Me


----------



## smiley55

dear neighbor,

it has always been a treat to see you when you miraculously come out of your house to sit out on your patio every time i have my bedroom window open! i will miss the chit chats through the window..and your shirtless/sweaty/washboard abs and heavy foreign accent.... tease! 

i'm slightly sad that i am moving out in two months..lol


*sigh,*

S.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Self,

I'm all for self-loving.
But when you are supposed to be cleaning up your room.
Spending 90% of the time on your back is NOT productive!
Knock it off and get to work, you have to have this cleaned before you leave tomorrow! 

Sincerely,
The Brain Atop your Shoulders.


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Dear Mr. Philosophy Paper,

I just kicked your ass, so you can suck it!

Love,
Madison


----------



## fatgirlflyin

Dear World of Warcraft, 

Can you please hurry up and finish your updating, resolving issues, or whatever it is that is causing a delay in my play time? I just wanna shoot some stuff already.

Love, 
Addicted


----------



## TraciJo67

Dear People Attempting to Persuade Others:

Literacy is the new hot. Really. Invest in a spell-check. You lose credibility points when attempting to front yourself as highly educated, most particularly when you don't apparently know the difference between 'your' and 'you're' (something that the average 5th grader knows).

Signed,
The Grammar (not Grammer) Nazi


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Mother,
If you tell me you are you going be picking me up at 3:30pm.
Do not show up at 2:30pm and get mad at ME For not being ready.

I don't care if you DID push me out of you, if you give me inadequet details of our plan, I can't appease you. Or do you do it on purpose so you have yet another yeason to look down on me?


Not the best way to start off our week together, by any means.

Love,
Me.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Wild child

Wow. Just, wow. Time for you to be checked into an institution. You do need mental help and it is sad that your keepers don't realize that. There are no consequences what-so-ever for your reprehensible behavior and tendencies toward violence. I see jail in your future and that frustrates me cos with a little care and a lot of discipline it is totally avoidable. Its not too late, but they don't care because its easier to give you your way than to discipline you. It's easier to be blind and numb to your incessant rantings and violent outbursts than to get you help for your problem.
Saddest part of it all is that you are not being prepared for dealing with the real world in an appropriate, decent, respectable manner...and you will suffer for it--because in the real world you can't threaten a boss, boyfriend, spouse, or a room mate without having to answer for it. I pray that when you are unleashed into the world, I will be far away or long dead--because I don't wish to see the harm that you will do upon others that I am positive will happen. I wish they would wake up and see that they are doing you more harm than good by coddling you and giving you the run of your house. Just makes me sad. 
I'll continue to pray for you since that seems to be the only positive help you might be getting.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Landon Donovan,

You are pure World Cup awesomeness! I love to watch you play! :wubu: :bow:

Love,

Me 


Dear Clint Dempsey,

You played great offense/defense today and your goal should have counted! In my book, you scored the first REAL goal

Love,

Me


Dear USA team,

Thanks for giving it everything you had... what a great game! The whole country tuned in today. I even had my co-worker who could care less about soccer talking about it! Woot! :bow:

Love,

Me


----------



## KittyKitten

To you know who

I am offering you a truce and offering to be your friend and you don't respond. Fuck you, I'm not begging your ass. I have pride. Go on and hold on to your bitterness, you miserable drama loving piece of shit. My comments must have made you butthurt, crybaby. 

-Happyface

PS-Sorry guys for the cussing I'm just letting it out. Don't ask.


----------



## Blackjack

happyface83 said:


> To you know who
> 
> I am offering you a truce and you don't respond. *Fuck you, I'm not begging your ass. I have pride. Go on and hold on to your bitterness, you miserable drama loving piece of shit. *
> 
> -Happyface
> 
> PS-Sorry guys for the cussing I'm just letting it out.



If you're wondering why I'm not responding to an offer of a "truce", don't.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Drama Llama,
You just love to stalk me, don't you?

Go away before I press charges.

Sincerely,
Me.




~*~ 


Dear Dad,

You Depress me.

Sincerely,
Me.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Fate,

Thou Art Cruel
Twisted, Sick, Demented
Sadistic; and Most of all
a FUCK KNOB. 

- Me.


(NO. You don't even get a proper letter ending. You get a STICKY NOTE ending. Because I said so.)


----------



## Lovelyone

My Friend-

I know that you are having a rough time right now and depression likes to grab hold and not let go. Sometimes life isn't fair and things come our way that make it hard to get through the day--but you are doing grand at surviving. Even if its little comfort to you, I just want you to know that I have faith in you. Someone out in this big, wide, scary world thinks highly of you, loves you, and sincerely and genuinely wants you to be happy. I pray for you everyday. There isn't a day that goes by that you don't cross my mind--that's how much you mean to me as a friend. I am here for you when you need a friend...and hopefully you already know that. Things are going to turn around for you, soon. 
Love ya bunches,
T.


----------



## kristineirl

mister tyler perry, 

please stop making terrible tv shows/movies. 

gracias! 

&#9829;,
snobby mc snobbersnobs


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Inch Worms,

Y'all are cute.
I won't kill you if I don't hav to.
But Effin' SRSLY? 

Two of you, land on the laptop
THREE of you, on ME
FOUR OF YOU on the table I'm using?!

If five up you pop up ANYWHERE. You are GONE. Get it? POOF. Er.. Squish. One of the two.

Sincerely,
The woman you find so attractive


----------



## willowmoon

ButlerGirl09 said:


> Dear Mr. Philosophy Paper,
> 
> I just kicked your ass, so you can suck it!
> 
> Love,
> Madison



Congratulations!!! Philosophy was a colossal beotch, so I'm glad to hear it!


----------



## willowmoon

kristineirl said:


> mister tyler perry,
> 
> please stop making terrible tv shows/movies.
> 
> gracias!
> 
> &#9829;,
> snobby mc snobbersnobs



I second that one.

Madea Goes To Jail
.........or..............
Ernest Goes To Jail

Take your pick of celluloid crap-o-rama, they were both equally worthless.


----------



## ButlerGirl09

willowmoon said:


> Congratulations!!! Philosophy was a colossal beotch, so I'm glad to hear it!



Thanks for the support, I appreciate it! The grade is still to follow, so I'll keep you updated  haha I was just in the "Done is good" frame of mind!


----------



## Proner

Dear Bordeaux, 

I love you, you're a wonderful city, I already have my wedding ring and I'm searching a ring which could fits you 


Dear Fête du Vin,

You're the best thing created since paper! Thanks to you I could taste very good wines and grands crus at a ridiculous price while listening jazz bands with friends. Awesome Night :happy:

Dear Gentleman "Don't take pics of me while drunk or you will feel the fryingpan wrath" Agreement,

I'm so glad we create you, thanks to you we could all avoid after a party the unavoidable horrible drunken face's pictures. Thanks to the frying pan too 

Proner


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Cousin,

Oh please, please, you better have meant it when you said you were taking me to NYC with you sometime later this year when you go home to visit the folks.

I've got such a special friend who lives in NY, I've known him 7 years now, and he's such an important person in my life, it would mean the world to me if I could meet him somehow. True, he'd be 4 hours away from your place, but ..c'monnn. It's for ME  


..Just.. don't fuck with my heart like this and leave me hangin, kay?


Head over heels with excitement,
Cherry


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear P-
You are an incredibly colossal d*ck. No, I didn't say that you had one...I said that you ARE one. In the future you should try READING the messages before you react. Try reading the good parts too, d*ckwad. You would save yourself a great deal of chaos if you did just that. Oh and by the way, when someone says "You haven't been online for a few days. That's not normal for you. I hopes that all is well."--that means that they are concerned about you. I didn't ask for an explanation...but with your track record I probably should have. Not that it matters cos you are totally oblivious to anyone or anything that exists outside the orbit or your own super sized ego. Sometimes I am surprised that you have any friends at all (me being the stupidest one for putting up with your BS for so long).
When you FINALLY decide to grow up, message me with your apology, K? 
sincerely...
The Biotch that was concerned, but isn't anymore. 

P.S. I forgot to mention that I don't care if you don't go to Vegas. I wanted to spend time with my friends, that's why I invited you. If you wanna take your ball and go home cos no one is playing by your rules...go right ahead. Now that you've decided to bail, you owe my friend an apology cos she changed the dates on the condo to match YOUR vacation. I am still going on (and enjoying) my vacation with or without you. Have fun sitting in your sappy little hotel and nursing your wounds ALL ALONE while we are enjoying sin city. At least you have your balls to play with.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Florida,

You are too hot and humid! Please calm down  I am sick of having to live in the air conditioner.

Disgustedly,

B


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Fat,

NC isn't much better. I DEMAND that the air conditioning is on anytime I set foot in my home.

Moi


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Fat and GEF,

It's been hot[ter than usual] and muggy here in the midwest, Thank god for central air.


- M


----------



## Leesa

Dear S,
Thanks for being my friend! :bow:


----------



## willowmoon

fat9276 said:


> Dear Florida,
> 
> You are too hot and humid! Please calm down  I am sick of having to live in the air conditioner.
> 
> Disgustedly,
> 
> B



Yep, having lived in both California and Florida, California has WAY LESS humidity than Florida. Typically, I don't mind hot weather too much, but humidity is what I can't stand. And we have enough humidity out here in Wisconsin where it gets extremely uncomfortable too.


----------



## Proner

Dear upper neighbour,

That don't disturb me that you seems to play the mad scientist some night yelling "It's alive, it's aliiive!" and laugh evily... But stop messing with power that the second time in the month you made the power went out! So mad scientist or not I recommend you to not do it again or you will see torchs and pitforks and it will not be for Frankenstein this time.

"Leader of angry crowd" Proner


----------



## Ash

Dear cold,

Go the hell away.

Threateningly,
Ash


----------



## Christov

Dear chicken, 

Marinate faster so I can cook you. I'm hungry. 

Om nom nom, 
Christov.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear sweet baby Jesus (borrowed from Ricky Bobby) -
Thank you for the delightful summer weather. The garden is growing bountiful veggies, some cute li'l baby watermelons, and the sunflowers are nearly 3 1/2 feet high. The corn is taller than I am and has tassels already..yippee!!


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Heat/Sunshine,
at 10pm on a sunday night my bathroom shouldn't be 102 degrees and I shouldn't be burning my butt on the shower tile while wiping down the said glass shower. 
Thanks for me having to turn the AC on 
Now I am pissed because I can say goodbye to the 26 dollar a month power bill.
Heat you stink


----------



## Linda

Dear CrackBerry....

Why did you suck the life out of my fully-charged battery in less than an hour? Oh well, I get to go see the cute Verizon guy now. Thank youuuuuu!

Sincerely,
Getting herself dolled up


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear A and H,

Yes yes YES I will come with you this week AND next week--just let me buy a couple of rounds and I'm already saving up for the girls only cruise!!! Just one question--- Caribbean or somewhere in the Pacific???? Woot woot!!!

Love,
E


----------



## AuntHen

Dear co-worker,

Do you understand how gross it is to hear you pop and smack your gum ALL DAY LONG!! Can you at least close your mouth??!!  Please have some manners and respect for those around you.

Ready to Pop Your Bubble,

Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Universe,

Please keep sending me amazing people to chat up.
I am totally diggin' it.

Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## Saoirse

Dear Christov

my rear is better and im freshly showered. lets get this done.

-anal girl


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

fat9276 said:


> Dear co-worker,
> 
> Do you understand how gross it is to hear you pop and smack your gum ALL DAY LONG!! Can you at least close your mouth??!!  Please have some manners and respect for those around you.
> 
> Ready to Pop Your Bubble,
> 
> Me




Just get McBeth to pop a cap in her ass......


----------



## Christov

Dear neck,

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Arggghg. Argggghhhh. Arhg. 

In pain,
Christov.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Christov,


Your last youtube video was hysterical.
Stop being so amazing, it pisses off the Rep Gods.

Sincerely,
ImRepotent Me.


----------



## KayaNee

Dearest cat,

Would you mind cleaning up your vomit off the floor? I'm completely grossed out. 

Thank you.


----------



## lalatx

Dear Pool boy, 

You are growing on me. I am kind of sad now that this is going to end when you go back to school at the end of summer. You get my weirdness and I yours. You are a cutie and you know how to rock them skinny jeans. Plus you have amazing hair and you let me play with it. 

Yours truly 
xoxo


----------



## mimosa

B,

I tried to give you all of my love and kindness. 
I squeezed it out til the very last drop. 
There is nothing left for me to say or do. 
At least I can say, I did my best and I loved you with all of my heart. 

I am taking it all back and getting my love life back. 

You hijacked it for far too long. 

N


----------



## supersoup

dims,

i never know what fucking thread i'm in anymore. 

in irritation, and hopefully posting in the correct place,
soup


----------



## mimosa

Dear European men,

Why do you have to be so [email protected]%Kin' sensual and sexy?:smitten:And also SO far away! :doh: 


M


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Vacation
Come on already. I need you desperately!
T.


----------



## Micara

Dear super-annoying girl with the super-annoying nasally voice:

Please quit coming over and talking to me about nothing. I don't care. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. Please quit sitting in your car in the parking lot in the morning and waiting for me to arrive so that we can walk in together. Please quit greeting me with "Howdy!" I am not a cowgirl and neither are you. And most of all, please quit posting the EXACT same things over and over again on Facebook, especially the part about always wanting a "big ole glass of wine." I don't know how to be any more discouraging to you, other than to come out and tell you that you annoy the hell out of me.

Sincerely,

Mean old Me


----------



## Gingembre

Dear cough and cold,

Please.go.away. GO AWAY!

- Me x


----------



## Linda

Dear Whomever holds the power....


Please let tonight be fun and go well.
I am a nervous wreck.

Thank you,
Me


----------



## Mathias

Dear Whomever,

I shouldn't be able to hear your iPod over my noise canceling headphones on the other side of the room Turn it down! 

-Matt


----------



## NYCGabriel

to people who need to lighten up..

Whatever


----------



## Sweet Tooth

Linda said:


> Dear Whomever holds the power....
> 
> 
> Please let tonight be fun and go well.
> I am a nervous wreck.
> 
> Thank you,
> Me



Ooooh? Do tell! Inquiring minds want to know!


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Beautiful Boy,

The "mold was broken" after you were made...
Thank you for being lovely and just being you! Consistently... constantly...
You make me smile EVERY DAY! Totally!
I hope you have the best weekend ever! You deserve it. :happy: * * *

:kiss2:

~B~


----------



## littlefairywren

Linda said:


> Dear Whomever holds the power....
> 
> 
> Please let tonight be fun and go well.
> I am a nervous wreck.
> 
> Thank you,
> Me





Sweet Tooth said:


> Ooooh? Do tell! Inquiring minds want to know!



Yes, yes....details please, Miss Linda :happy:


----------



## mimosa

Micara, 

God bless you for putting up with nasally girl. I had a annoying neighbor just like that. I actually missed her when I moved away. 
Hang in there! There are less annoying days ahead. 

Sunshine and Rainbows,

Mimosa



Micara said:


> Dear super-annoying girl with the super-annoying nasally voice:
> 
> Please quit coming over and talking to me about nothing. I don't care. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. Please quit sitting in your car in the parking lot in the morning and waiting for me to arrive so that we can walk in together. Please quit greeting me with "Howdy!" I am not a cowgirl and neither are you. And most of all, please quit posting the EXACT same things over and over again on Facebook, especially the part about always wanting a "big ole glass of wine." I don't know how to be any more discouraging to you, other than to come out and tell you that you annoy the hell out of me.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Mean old Me


----------



## wrestlingguy

Hello God,

So, it's fourth of July weekend, and I went out and bought more fireworks than the town I live in bought for their display. Yes, God, I know it's illegal, but I got them so my kid and I can have some fun.

My prayer is that if we blow our fingers off, they are only the bottom 3, so that I can still hold my coffee cup (or occasionally fap).

Kthks


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear State of Pennsylvania,

How in the world do you build gigantic fireworks warehouses every ten freakin' feet but refuse PA residents entrance into said warehouses because it's against the law? And then you station troopers by the bridges to confiscate and fine those very fireworks from those who can legally purchase them HERE because they can't legally have them THERE?

And by the way, I can drive to that big ol' flea market down 209 and buy as many as I like cheaper and TAX FREE thank you very much.

Disgruntled in Milford


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear You,
Please just stop.
Thanks,
Me.


----------



## Paquito

Dear M.,

Sooooo, I know you're back with your boyfriend. That's completely your choice, and I would never try to inject myself in your relationship. However, if he continues to treat you like shit, freak out that you're hanging out with me, or threatens to hurt himself because you aren't calling him 24/7, don't be surprised. We all know he's like this, you're closest friends have warned you before (including myself), and now it's just like waiting for a ticking time bomb.

I'd be more sympathetic if you didn't choose to ditch your friends to hang out with him at the last second. Just another person screwing me over this summer.


----------



## Lovelyone

Yep...
I don't care.
signed Me.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear friend of a friend,

I realize you are newly single and stuff...but geeze, find your own men. Stop trying to leech off of other women and hope to weazel your way in and snag one of theirs. It's disgusting to watch, especially with how aggressive you are and it's not a way to keep friends when they can't trust you around their men.

Sincerely

Disgusted


----------



## iglooboy55

dear weather,
stop being so hot. 
if you continue to act up,
i'll have to remind you who's boss.
hate,
connor.


----------



## lalatx

*HEY* weather... yeah you 

You are pissing off a lot of people. 
Stop that shit... *NOW*
We have strength in numbers.
Just saying we will mess your shit up.

Angrily

-Captain Morgan


----------



## willowmoon

Dear Current Writers of "The Simpsons",

Give it up already. You guys suck.

Sincerely,

Moi


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Brilliant People Of The World,

Please Come up with Teleportation Devices,
I could really use one right about now, And I'm _Pretty_ sure we have enough sex robots. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the teledildonic industry is booming, but truly, we don't need kiss-phones and USB-Drive Vibrators so strangers can screw eachother when they are half-way across the globe.

Sincerely,
ME.


----------



## Proner

Dear weather,

Yeah I know you have lots of requests but come here,
Great now look me in the eyes, yes I look angry,
So now you will cool down quickly 
Or you will be responsible of the complaints concerning a librarian who come at work half-naked.

P.S: I know where you live (after few drinks the sun told me everything).

Angrily and soon half-naked Proner


----------



## Micara

Dear Mr. Burt Bees,

I love you.

:wubu:Michele:wubu:


----------



## Twilley

Dear Libido,

I know you're important, what with the whole "procreating, passing genetic material on, keeping the species going" hooplah, but you're getting me into trouble. Let my brain do some of the thinking.

Regards,
Me


----------



## Christov

Dear wallet,

Open wide, it's feeding time.

I'm rich bitch (!),
Christov.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear letters I found in the back of the closet today,

I'm glad I was alone when I found you and the pictures and cards, oh and that newspaper article too. I can't believe how much time has passed...10, 12, 14 years. I forgot a lot. And you brought it all back to me.

Now I'm sorry I found you but I can't bear to throw you away. It's all me in there. It made me who I am. Who I was. Who loved me and how I was loved. 

But back into the closet you return. I can't rewrite the years or recapture what's lost. I have to move forward, wherever that may lead me.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Rain,

I know i'm usually telling you to go away and angry that you're here but...just this ONE time, please stay for tonight ...and make it a doozy if you take requests


----------



## NYCGabriel

Dear Universe...
Screw you. More hurdles to overcome? Really? It's b been TWELVE years. Cut me some slack or else I'll divide by zero and tear reality apart with the answer.

sincerely,

Luis-Gabriel Leal Ramirez

ps: Stop with the random UFO visits. Either they meet with the world leaders or not.


----------



## Linda

NYCGabriel said:


> Dear Universe...
> Screw you. More hurdles to overcome? Really? It's b been TWELVE years. Cut me some slack or else I'll divide by zero and tear reality apart with the answer.
> 
> sincerely,
> 
> Luis-Gabriel Leal Ramirez
> 
> ps: Stop with the random UFO visits. Either they meet with the world leaders or not.





(((((Hugsz)))))))


----------



## Gingembre

Dear rota writer,

WHY saturday close and sunday close? Whhhhy? Why not a day shift? Or friday and saturday? Or friday and sunday? You have ruined my weekend plans that were non-postponeable and I have a feeling this is going to be a feature of every weekend from now on. *sigh*

Disappointedly yours,

Laura

________________________________________________________________________________


Dear Boss at my full-time job,

If you'd pay me a decent f**ing wage for the amount of work I do and responsibility I have, I wouldn't need a ruddy second job in the first place. The company's doing really well and you earn sh*tloads. Sor' i' aaaa'!*

Your undervalued overworked employee

* = sort it out in a commoners accent


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear Ging,

Sounds like you're having a cocktacular experience in the work area of your life.

Sorry to hear that,

Just wanted to use the word cocktacular in a sentence for once.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Rachel,

Only dirty tramps use that word....or look at penises. Just in case you care....

Moi


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear effing cable company,
I made an appointment with you bastards to stop my tv nearly 3 weeks ago. Here it is 8 at night and guess what? You never showed!! Now i still have cable tv and i bet you intend for me to pay for it. Scumbags. Now i have to wait another month for you asshats to come cancel my television service.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Work Security Guard,

When you look up to say goodnight to me (and other females) when leaving for the night, try looking at my face for once and not my chest:doh: Or at least be more *discreet *about it and do the "quick sweep" up to my face I understand you are male, but most of you have learned "the technique". I mean even Seinfeld scolded George about it! Don't worry, all *three* of us will show up together again the next work day! You don't need to imprint your brain

Much Obliged,

Me & The Girls


----------



## mossystate

People, 

No matter how legal the fruit might be - if it looks fetal, just wait. No matter how the young fruit clamors to be fondled and picked, it might be best to leave the mash notes to the secret, locked box in your head. 

Horsey rides and chaste cheek pinching might be OK.


m state


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear Tony Robbins,

I saw you on a billboard today. Shave your mustache.

Thanks!
mcbeth


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Brother,

I miss you...i can't say this anywhere else cuz i don't want to upset the other people who miss you too. I've been seeing a lot of things that remind me of you lately. I try not to think about how much i miss ya but sometimes it's impossible. Seeing friends with their younger brothers, watching movies that remind me, recently seeing family members who remind me of you, hearing songs we used to listen to....it amazes me how 18 yrs can pass without you and i still miss you like it was just yesterday that we lost you. 

I think seeing my friend with her younger brother last night was what got to me... i remember how we used to watch out for each other even though we would pretend like we weren't. I miss that. Then running into our cousin yesterday too who looks a lot like you. I hope you know i'm missing you and that i love ya

Your Big Sis,

Melissa


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Tracy-
I know how hard this last week has been. Mom passing away unexpectedly on the 4th of July was truly devastating to the both of us. Mom would be proud of how you've handled yourself this week. On top of all that, we had to deal with people who we don't really care for. I am personally going to be the first to sign the "Let her into heaven" petition (might even try to get you registered for sainthood..cos you've totally amazed me.) There were times this week that I wanted to choke a fool. You wouldn't let me. I don't know whether to be mad or glad about that.  

Don't fret about the things that we cannot control or people who have things to say that shouldn't really matter. Just be happy in knowing that we did everything that we could for Mom. I know that I, personally will die knowing that I did everything I possibly could to make her happy and comfortable. You were a good daughter and sister. I know we haven't really had a chance to begin our grieving process because of all the phone calls that had to be made, the arrangements, the visits from family and friends...but I want you to know that I think that you are the most resilient person I have ever known. We've been leaning on one another for a long time and its been hard--but as your older sister, I know that you look to me sometimes for guidance when you are troubled. This time it was me who was lost and needing encouragement. You stepped up to the plate like a champion and for that I truly admire and appreciate you. Love you bunches. 
Your older, but younger looking sister, 
Terri


----------



## BBW_Blondie

Dear Midnight Snack Nazi,

Thanks for causing my can of Dr Pepper to spew all over me when I opened it causing me to drop the last piece of pizza in the floor! You must have been jealous when your heard it calling my name from the fridge...


Up yours,
Hungry Fat Girl


----------



## mossystate

Lovelyone, 

I am sorry you lost your mom.

Mossystate


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Tracy-
> I know how hard this last week has been. Mom passing away unexpectedly on the 4th of July was truly devastating to the both of us. Mom would be proud of how you've handled yourself this week. On top of all that, we had to deal with people who we don't really care for. I am personally going to be the first to sign the "Let her into heaven" petition (might even try to get you registered for sainthood..cos you've totally amazed me.) There were times this week that I wanted to choke a fool. You wouldn't let me. I don't know whether to be mad or glad about that.
> 
> Don't fret about the things that we cannot control or people who have things to say that shouldn't really matter. Just be happy in knowing that we did everything that we could for Mom. I know that I, personally will die knowing that I did everything I possibly could to make her happy and comfortable. You were a good daughter and sister. I know we haven't really had a chance to begin our grieving process because of all the phone calls that had to be made, the arrangements, the visits from family and friends...but I want you to know that I think that you are the most resilient person I have ever known. We've been leaning on one another for a long time and its been hard--but as your older sister, I know that you look to me sometimes for guidance when you are troubled. This time it was me who was lost and needing encouragement. You stepped up to the plate like a champion and for that I truly admire and appreciate you. Love you bunches.
> Your older, but younger looking sister,
> Terri


I am so sorry for your loss.  *hugs* If you need a shoulder... you know where we are, sweetie. *more hugs*


----------



## Surlysomething

OneWickedAngel said:


> You obviously don't know the context of what prompted this. And because you don't know, you can't appreciate what an inspired piece of hilarity it is. Trust all of us who are repping this, it is well earned rep. Just leave it be.




Wow. So, now everyone needs to know back stories before commenting?

Gotta love Dims.


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Surlysomething said:


> Wow. So, now everyone needs to know back stories before commenting?
> 
> *Gotta love Dims. *



No, you don't have to, but, but it helps (for both your question and your statement).


----------



## mercy

Dear Parents

I'm 29 years old. Go on fucking holiday, I'll be fine. 

Mercy

P.S. Just because I'm clinically depressed doesn't mean I'm going to off myself. You don't need to hide the razors or anything.


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear Comedy Central,
I love you so dearly for bringing my beloved Futurama back. I am so pleased with the new episodes. Thank you!

Your ever loving fan,
Megan


----------



## Sweet Tooth

Dear self,

It's summer and, therefore, it would be wise to remember to shave above the knee, not just the half-assed calf shave you do in winter. Having fine blonde leg hair is no excuse. In fact, the way it catches the sunlight is kinda gross.

&#9829; Me

P.S. Don't forget the lotion. You may not be winter-in-Michigan scaly, but it would be much nicer if you remembered this important step.


----------



## Victim

Dear Tracy H.

Your so-called 'joke' not only hurt someone very deeply, but we almost lost them for good. L.V.'s potential can change the way we are perceived and the way we do things. Her knowledge and ability are unique within the community. I don't care how funny you think you are, nobody worth a damn is going to let you hurt someone, even with words. Remember what we are.

Next time you decide to reduce a newbie's reputation to "whack off material" as you so put it, you might wish to put your own dick back in your pants. Oh, and as for the comments directed at other people, I'd like to see you show up HERE at Dims and start calling people "buttertrolls"...


----------



## nettie

Dear Ass Hat on the bike next to me at the gym today:

Yes, I saw your looks of disdain and heard the comments you made to your friend regarding my jiggly parts. Please. I'm 49; there isn't anything you could do or say regarding my fat that I haven't already experienced. There was a time your actions would have sent me cowering back to the locker room, but I broke free of that long ago. And the next time you can't keep up with the fat chick pedaling beside you, just sit back and enjoy the view.

Nettie



Dear Hot Rocker Dad from the gym:

Dude, you cut your hair! I miss your adorable spikes but you're still hot and, you know, awesome and all.... And thanks for the encouragement. Your timing is impeccable. I'd share a sweaty weight bench with you anytime.

Nettie



Dear Self:

I've found it's always best to remember you left your towel at home BEFORE you're standing naked and dripping wet in the gym shower. Blow drying your body with one of those hand dryers wasn't an unpleasant sensation, but not a particularly speedy or effective solution.

Me


----------



## Proner

Dear heat,

Ok... you won but now please cool down! I will do whatever you want but stop, I feel like my skin is melting everytime I go outside these days!

Melting Proner


----------



## Sweet Tooth

Dear Mr. Bat,

I hope I didn't hurt you too badly last night, but you did scare the crap out of me. I tried to get you out of my house with the minimum of damage to you, me, or the cat so that you could continue to nom mosquitos in my yard.

I hope you have no hard feelings.

In fact, if you were to take a nap in my house on occasion, that would be okay, I suppose. Please remember, though, to stay in the attic rather than venturing into the human/feline zone. Also, please don't move in. You know what they say about houseguests and fish - they stink after 3 days. Please don't be a stinky fish bat. K?

The Lady With The Broom


----------



## mossystate

Dear P,

Take your medication, jackass.

M


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

OneWickedAngel said:


> You obviously don't know the context of what prompted this. And because you don't know, you can't appreciate what an inspired piece of hilarity it is. Trust all of us who are repping this, it is well earned rep. Just leave it be.



[Stepping away slowly] Ooooo kaaaaaay. Thought we were all just having a good time but please, go on with your inspired hilarity. I didn't mean to be the anti-reptron.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Parents,

I'm amazed how it's acceptable to be pissed off at me and not at my sister. You completely turned this around so that you wouldn't fight with HER but instead made it a fight with me...even she sees that. Your petty jealousies, your selfish behavior, your "what's in it for me" attitude ...it's all sickening and parents shouldn't behave like you do. It's no wonder me and my sister do our own thing and don't want to include you!!! 

Grow the Fuck Up

Your OTHER Daughter


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear self,

STOP EATING FAST FOOD GDI! It is terrible for you. Cheap and easy solutions are going to be worse for you than putting in the time cooking. 

I know you're lazy, but comeon Rach, stop...it.


Love,

Your already fatter self.


----------



## DeerVictory

Dear 2008 self:

where the hell has your charm gone? Pick it the fuck up.


----------



## wrestlingguy

Dear Summer cold, you've been with me now far too long, and instead of leaving, you've gotten worse. While my allergy friend has been with me for years, the combination of you two has made this summer unbearable.

While I commend you on lasting longer with me than some of my relationships, I do think you're no longer welcome in my body, and need to go.

*NOW.*


----------



## Saoirse

dear me-

the killer camo pants from 10 yrs ago FIT! GO YOU! 

love me.




dear guy from last summer that wants me-

you completely demolished my trust in you last summer. you played me and your gf. now that Im over you (and hanging out with other dudes!), you crawl back saying you broke up with her and want me.

*but you just asked me to hang out today, cause you cant get a hold of her.*

wtf?

-me


----------



## Surlysomething

Dear fellow Dims people

Does every single thing you post have to be sexualized?

Really?


----------



## LoveBHMS

Dear Surly-

No.

L. (see next post....)


Dear Former Manager:

I got a massive thrill today when I saw your job posted on craigslist. I'd seen a post a day or so ago where the bar was looking to hire more waiters, and i noted that it requested resumes be sent to your assistant. I thought it was odd since you always did the hiring, but now i see you must have gotten shitcanned yourself.

Which was it...the fact that the liquor always came up short during inventory? Complaints about your sexual and religious harassment of employees? Did the waitresses finally have enough of your obnoxious perverted comments that went on daily? Or maybe simply the insanely high turnover that was high even for the restaurant business.

Whatever it is, I am sincerely happy they wised up and got rid of you. 

L.

P.S. Interview tip--When you go out to look for another job, fucking SHOWER. Seriously. SHOWER.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Universe,

I want out of my surroundings.
Please let this happen.

Kthnxbai,
Me


----------



## Mathias

Dear girl at summer school,

I'd really REALLY appreciate it if you didn't tell me every single solitary detail of your relationship with your boyfriend. I don't even know you. I don't care that he ignores you in favor of video games or got into a fight with you because you didn't respond when he texted you at 4 in the morning or called your mom a c***. Yeah that messed up, but I'm just here trying to go to Spanish class and get my language credit out of the way. I'm not Dr. Phil alright?

-Matt


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Brain,

When I sleep tonight, please stop with the parade of weird dreams. Just 1 or 2 *nice *ones will suffice... Sleep deeply and stop waking me up tossing and turning! I am exhausted. 

Thanks in advance,

Sleepy Me


----------



## Saoirse

Dear owners of Sherman, the adorable black cocker spaniel.

FUCK YOU!! Your dog was matted to the skin, had severe ear and eye infections... *oh and HE SMELLED OF ROTTING FLESH AND HAD MAGGOTS DROPPING OFF OF HIM.*

I dont know if you understood this, but rotting flesh and maggots means SEVERELY INFECTED OPEN WOUNDS. But we couldn't even tell where the maggots were coming from, simply because the poor thing hadnt been groomed in over a year and his whole coat was one solid mat. My boss refused to touch him, because she said the mats were probably holding his skin together!! How fucking disgusting is that????

So we called you back and demanded that he see a vet. Luckily, the vet you use is my boss's former boss, so they kept us informed.

You brought him in and promptly had him put to sleep. Probably the best for the poor guy, since he was obviously sick. But this all could have been avoided if you weren't neglectful douchebags.

Earlier at work, I was surprise, befuddled and enraged. Now Im just a crying mess, thinking about that adorable dog whose life ended way too soon.

I hate you. And If I hear about you getting another dog, I will report you.

-me


----------



## largenlovely

omg that is horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!   



Saoirse said:


> Dear owners of Sherman, the adorable black cocker spaniel.
> 
> FUCK YOU!! Your dog was matted to the skin, had severe ear and eye infections... *oh and HE SMELLED OF ROTTING FLESH AND HAD MAGGOTS DROPPING OFF OF HIM.*
> 
> I dont know if you understood this, but rotting flesh and maggots means SEVERELY INFECTED OPEN WOUNDS. But we couldn't even tell where the maggots were coming from, simply because the poor thing hadnt been groomed in over a year and his whole coat was one solid mat. My boss refused to touch him, because she said the mats were probably holding his skin together!! How fucking disgusting is that????
> 
> So we called you back and demanded that he see a vet. Luckily, the vet you use is my boss's former boss, so they kept us informed.
> 
> You brought him in and promptly had him put to sleep. Probably the best for the poor guy, since he was obviously sick. But this all could have been avoided if you weren't neglectful douchebags.
> 
> Earlier at work, I was surprise, befuddled and enraged. Now Im just a crying mess, thinking about that adorable dog whose life ended way too soon.
> 
> I hate you. And If I hear about you getting another dog, I will report you.
> 
> -me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> I want out of my surroundings.
> Please let this happen.
> 
> Kthnxbai,
> Me


Dear Universe,

This isn't what I meant.

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## mossystate

Saoirse said:


> Dear owners of Sherman, the adorable black cocker spaniel.
> 
> FUCK YOU!! Your dog was matted to the skin, had severe ear and eye infections... *oh and HE SMELLED OF ROTTING FLESH AND HAD MAGGOTS DROPPING OFF OF HIM.*
> 
> I dont know if you understood this, but rotting flesh and maggots means SEVERELY INFECTED OPEN WOUNDS. But we couldn't even tell where the maggots were coming from, simply because the poor thing hadnt been groomed in over a year and his whole coat was one solid mat. My boss refused to touch him, because she said the mats were probably holding his skin together!! How fucking disgusting is that????
> 
> So we called you back and demanded that he see a vet. Luckily, the vet you use is my boss's former boss, so they kept us informed.
> 
> You brought him in and promptly had him put to sleep. Probably the best for the poor guy, since he was obviously sick. But this all could have been avoided if you weren't neglectful douchebags.
> 
> Earlier at work, I was surprise, befuddled and enraged. Now Im just a crying mess, thinking about that adorable dog whose life ended way too soon.
> 
> I hate you. And If I hear about you getting another dog, I will report you.
> 
> -me



...poor little pup

I hope the proper authorities were notified. Outright animal abuse and neglect.


----------



## Surlysomething

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Surly-
> 
> No.
> 
> L. (see next post....)




Too many are and it makes my skin crawl. The visuals.. *shudder*


----------



## littlefairywren

Saoirse said:


> Dear owners of Sherman, the adorable black cocker spaniel.
> 
> FUCK YOU!! Your dog was matted to the skin, had severe ear and eye infections... *oh and HE SMELLED OF ROTTING FLESH AND HAD MAGGOTS DROPPING OFF OF HIM.*
> 
> I dont know if you understood this, but rotting flesh and maggots means SEVERELY INFECTED OPEN WOUNDS. But we couldn't even tell where the maggots were coming from, simply because the poor thing hadnt been groomed in over a year and his whole coat was one solid mat. My boss refused to touch him, because she said the mats were probably holding his skin together!! How fucking disgusting is that????
> 
> So we called you back and demanded that he see a vet. Luckily, the vet you use is my boss's former boss, so they kept us informed.
> 
> You brought him in and promptly had him put to sleep. Probably the best for the poor guy, since he was obviously sick. But this all could have been avoided if you weren't neglectful douchebags.
> 
> Earlier at work, I was surprise, befuddled and enraged. Now Im just a crying mess, thinking about that adorable dog whose life ended way too soon.
> 
> I hate you. And If I hear about you getting another dog, I will report you.
> 
> -me



Poor wee Sherman 
He is in a better place now...and he is happy.

What goes around comes around, and for the bastards who owned him....the sooner the better!


----------



## Surlysomething

Saoirse said:


> Dear owners of Sherman, the adorable black cocker spaniel.
> 
> FUCK YOU!! Your dog was matted to the skin, had severe ear and eye infections... *oh and HE SMELLED OF ROTTING FLESH AND HAD MAGGOTS DROPPING OFF OF HIM.*
> 
> I dont know if you understood this, but rotting flesh and maggots means SEVERELY INFECTED OPEN WOUNDS. But we couldn't even tell where the maggots were coming from, simply because the poor thing hadnt been groomed in over a year and his whole coat was one solid mat. My boss refused to touch him, because she said the mats were probably holding his skin together!! How fucking disgusting is that????
> 
> So we called you back and demanded that he see a vet. Luckily, the vet you use is my boss's former boss, so they kept us informed.
> 
> You brought him in and promptly had him put to sleep. Probably the best for the poor guy, since he was obviously sick. But this all could have been avoided if you weren't neglectful douchebags.
> 
> Earlier at work, I was surprise, befuddled and enraged. Now Im just a crying mess, thinking about that adorable dog whose life ended way too soon.
> 
> I hate you. And If I hear about you getting another dog, I will report you.
> 
> -me



Unreal. His 'owners' should be *JAILED*.


----------



## wrestlingguy

Hello Brat.

Since you told me I can't talk with you anymore privately, I had to come to this forum and do it publicly. I tried to be nice about it, but you've left me no alternative.

When I throw a party at my house, and tell you that you aren't invited, that means you can't come, do you get that? Just because you want to come and see your friends doesn't mean that I want you there. If my friends are your friends, you know how to get in touch with them, and can make arrangements to see them some other time. Hold your own party. I promise I won't expect to be invited. See how easy that is? 

Party crashers are considered trespassers. Trespassers can get in legal trouble when they trespass. Stay away from my parties at my house. Hopefully you have a friend who reads this forum who can connect the dots, and realize this is for you. If not, take your chances, and see what happens.


----------



## Saoirse

Surlysomething said:


> Unreal. His 'owners' should be *JAILED*.





littlefairywren said:


> Poor wee Sherman
> He is in a better place now...and he is happy.
> 
> What goes around comes around, and for the bastards who owned him....the sooner the better!





mossystate said:


> ...poor little pup
> 
> I hope the proper authorities were notified. Outright animal abuse and neglect.





largenlovely said:


> omg that is horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!




It was the absolute worst day at work I've ever had. When they picked him up, I had to clean out the cage he was in... MAGGOTS EVERYWHERE! I just learned today from a co-worker, that the dog lived outside all the time. 

It fucking breaks my heart thinking about this poor dog's life. When was the last time he was cuddled or pet? Or even touched at all? Obviously, quite some time since you could smell him from 20 ft. away and someone would've noticed if they got close to him.

I just contacted the humane society asking who I should talk to about this. And if the humane society has the info, maybe they wont be able to adopt another pet.

Unfortunately, its *really easy* to get a puppy.


----------



## CastingPearls

Poor sweet Sherman.

It's ironic that while I'm jumping through hoops (detailed applications, certification from my vet, home visitation, references, etc.) to adopt a dog through rescue organizations (and not complaining--it's a PITA but worth it) any shmo can walk into a pet store and buy a dog, cat, parrot or bunny and not even have to show ID.


----------



## HottiMegan

That is so sad about Sherman. People who mistreat their animals are scumbags.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear God-
Thank you for my friends. You done good. 
Terri


----------



## Carrie

CastingPearls said:


> Poor sweet Sherman.
> 
> It's ironic that while I'm jumping through hoops (detailed applications, certification from my vet, home visitation, references, etc.) to adopt a dog through rescue organizations (and not complaining--it's a PITA but worth it) any shmo can walk into a pet store and buy a dog, cat, parrot or bunny and not even have to show ID.


And seriously, Elaine, bless you for jumping through those hoops, rather than buying a dog from a pet store and supporting the dog production business. Thank you a million times.


----------



## Mathias

Dear ______


Enjoy your "complicated relationship." You don't know what you could have had.

Hurt, but Happily uncomplicated and drama free,

-Matt


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Asshole,

The second I wake up tomorrow morning I'm calling the PC Humane Society to get those kittens. I already left them a message so you may get a surprise visitor. You're welcome. I would pick them up myself if I didn't have a houseful now.

I'm telling them that I heard YOU say with my own ears that you intend to poison them with antifreeze or drown them. If I have to I will even tell them where you live since I only told them the road you live on. In fact, I will point out your goddamn house.

Does this affect our friendship? What friendship? You forfeited that when you announced your intentions. I wonder what your 8-year-old son would have to say if he knew Daddy was going to kill a litter of kittens. Big hero. Way to go. 

Go fuck yourself,
Not Going to Relax and Lower My Voice


----------



## littlefairywren

CastingPearls said:


> Dear Asshole,
> 
> The second I wake up tomorrow morning I'm calling the PC Humane Society to get those kittens. I already left them a message so you may get a surprise visitor. You're welcome. I would pick them up myself if I didn't have a houseful now.
> 
> I'm telling them that I heard YOU say with my own ears that you intend to poison them with antifreeze or drown them. If I have to I will even tell them where you live since I only told them the road you live on. In fact, I will point out your goddamn house.
> 
> Does this affect our friendship? What friendship? You forfeited that when you announced your intentions. I wonder what your 8-year-old son would have to say if he knew Daddy was going to kill a litter of kittens. Big hero. Way to go.
> 
> Go fuck yourself,
> Not Going to Relax and Lower My Voice



OMG, that is terrible. I hope those wee kittens end up in a loving home. Good on you, Elaine!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear C, 

I hate you to the bottom of my charred fucking heart. Do you want the ashes of what used to be? Do you want to snort those up and relish in your little 'victory'? I hope you die, alone, You don't _deserve _happiness. 

Your ex-friend, 
M.


----------



## mimosa

Dearest B,

I miss you so much! I pray for the day when I finally get to hear your voice. Please do not forget about us and your promises. May God bless you and your precious daughters. 

Love always,

N


----------



## mimosa

Dear Stupid

I am trying to encourage the neighborhood kids to go to the public library. When you gave me a thumbs down when I was talking REALLY pissed me off. I am sorry I want children to be educated! Oh MY GOD....what a concept! I am glad I hurt your arm when I pinched it. 


Not always nice, 

Mean Mimosa


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear LFW and Mizz,

I luff yew. <3

Signed,

FLW


----------



## Mathias

Dear inconsiderate jackass,

It being one o clock in the morning isn't an excuse for you to blare your shitty music. You're not the only one in this neighborhood and the rest of us are trying to do something called sleep! 

-Matt


----------



## littlefairywren

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear LFW and Mizz,
> 
> I luff yew. <3
> 
> Signed,
> 
> FLW



Dear FLW,

I luff yew too!!! 

Signed,

LFW


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear left over salsa and chips from yesterday. You are so delightful. Thank you for letting me save some of you for lunch today. num num.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Nieces and Nephew,

Could y'all get any freaking cuter?? i don't think so 

Love

Aunt MeMe



Dear cute guy at the ballpark during my nephew's football practice,

i noticed ya checking me out and then ya sat down next to me and it looked like you were trying to work up the nerve to talk. Maybe next time i should give a more encouraging smile or something...that was my fault. Sorry, i was distracted cuz my family was all there, then my brother in law threw me on the phone with my sister who was on the other end of the ball park, we were trying to keep an eye on the kids and then i had to go all the way across to the softball field where my niece was having cheerleading practice and i'm sure you probably thought i left. I'll be back though...don't worry 

Curiously

The fatty at the field


----------



## LoveBHMS

Dear Melissa-

Keep us posted! 

L.


----------



## largenlovely

I will..here's hoping he didn't think my brother in law was my bf/husband cuz right after the guy sat down next to me, my bro-in-law walked over and put me on the phone with my sister lol




LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Melissa-
> 
> Keep us posted!
> 
> L.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Matthew,

Everytime I am rejected, everytime the love I feel for someone is unrequited; Your words haunt me.

I Hate you, but I know that you are [hopefully] getting yours where you are right now.


Sincerely,
Me.


----------



## mimosa

Dear W, 

Even after all these years, I still believed in you. I knew you could do it! Now here you are and I very proud of you. You are superman!  Congrats on passing your exam. Now you are a registered Polysomnographer!(If I spelled the damn thing right! LOL) :bow::bounce: Aren't you the coolest?:happy:

Love, 

M


----------



## Ola

Dear bottle of gin,

I wonder where you went.
We were having such a great time last night. 
It was love at first sight; I thought maybe you could be the one.
But now you're gone, and all that remains is a sense of emptiness, shame and regret.

Please come back to me, I don't care what they say!
People may shun our love.
Because I am some random guy. And you are a bottle of gin.
But to me, love knows no boundaries.

I miss you, dear gin.
Will I ever see you again?


----------



## Lovelyone

Family...*sigh*
Stop pushing. It doesn't all have to be done TODAY. Can't you just realize that we will get to things in our own place and time? Just because YOU are well on your way to healing, does not mean that WE are. We don't always have to be on YOUR schedule. Oh, btw, you coming over and asking us why we are "dragging our feet" and trying to press us into an estate auction isn't helping matters much. Why not just relax and stop worrying about things so much? You'll get your share, no worries. 
Terri



My friend,
I am glad we spent time together in Vegas. I had a good time even though some of the time my heart wasn't really in it and I think that you knew that. I appreciate you being there for me. I really do and you have no idea how much that made a difference in my life. You know that I am there for you too--if and when you need me. I am glad that we are the kind of friends who can say such things to one another and not get too mushy about it.
Terri

Dear other friend,
You rock. Thanks for trying to cheer me up. I can't wait to take you to the duck pond so that those crazy ass, tongue hanging outta their mouth,web-footed ninja aflac Canadian Geese can attack YOU for bread (their crack cocaine). You can see that I am not kidding about such things! Wear a cup cos they like to nip at your parts. lol
hugs and kisses,
Terri


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Bill Lee

Your rant about George Steinbrenner being dead made the entire mailroom crack up. It was the single greatest piece of audio I've heard since you called Don Zimmer a bowling ball. Now once Zim croaks, I'll pay money to hear what you have to say. 

Love ya Spaceman,

T.R.P.


----------



## willowmoon

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Bill Lee
> 
> Your rant about George Steinbrenner being dead made the entire mailroom crack up. It was the single greatest piece of audio I've heard since you called Don Zimmer a bowling ball. Now once Zim croaks, I'll pay money to hear what you have to say.
> 
> Love ya Spaceman,
> 
> T.R.P.



No disrespect towards Steinbrenner, but yeah I had to laugh at that one too -- I was hearing it on the radio early last week -- CLASSIC!!


----------



## mimosa

Dear W,

Happy Birthday! :happy: I hope it's a good one. 

Love, M

Dear Micah, 

I can't wait to meet you, nephew. I love you very much already. Welcome to the light, my sweet. :happy: I will send you a gift soon. 

Love Auntie Mimi


----------



## Britty

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Wal-Mart:
> 
> Please take note that the size and color of your Equate Brand Anti-Gas Medicine softgels bears remarkable similarity to your brand of stimulant laxatives. Apparently at 5am in the morning under less than optimal lighting, my desire to relieve myself of the previous day's HealthyChoice Tortilla Soup (which should actually be called "One Dorito and 300 Beans") discomfort led to a rather splattacular event later that morning.
> 
> I will never again take that medication's patented Shitmaself(tm) technology for granted. Although the walk from my desk to the bathroom is a scant 50 steps, it may as well be the Bataan Death March when the Admiral is fixing to fire his rectal trebuchet, if you get my meaning.
> 
> This public service message brought to you by the number 2.



I.Almost.Died.

You are amazing.


----------



## Britty

Dear Booze,

Yay.

-Your not so secret Admirer

Dear Kelley,

I think it's fun that we live together now, I feel super blessed to have someone as great as you in my life. I think it's ridiculous that you're starting P90X, but I'm jazzed that I get to eat your Klondike bars. 

-B

Dear Melinda,

We could have our own tv show. I'm lucky to live with my two best friends. Thanks for cleaning the kitchen and for loving my dog even though she smells like corn chips when she wakes up.

-Britty


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear Migraine,

You are over staying your welcome...

Please leave.

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## mimosa

Dear B

I am a little afraid of tomorrow night's events....or lack of them. I pray for something good to happen between us. I hoping for at least a friendship. So much has happened in two weeks. I miss you. But if I never hear from you again, I just wanted to say thank you for everything. 

Love, 
N


----------



## CAMellie

Sarantis family,

Karma can be a bitch...and you have a shit-ton to account for.


Staying as far away from you guys as possible,
Synthia's sister


----------



## Lovelyone

Friend-

I am feeling a little abandoned by you. That should be enough to let you know how I am feeling right now. I shouldn't have to explain to you why. It would be nice if I wasn't the only one putting forth an effort. I won't be answering your messages for a while--at least until you realize that friendship is two-way street. It shouldn't always be ME asking YOU how you are doing (especially at this point in my life when I could use a friend). You should take the initiative once in a while to hold the conversation together. Oh, and the one word responses--I've had enough. 
T.


Creepy Bitch-
I see that you have returned. I was hoping that you would stay under that rock that you crawled out of in the first place. Please, Go back there.
Me


Other friend
I have one ray of light in my life right now. It should be you, but it isn't.
Yeah..um thanks for that (sarcasm) 
T.

Vultures--go home. You have picked the body clean. IF you think we effed you over...you shouldn't be here at all.
T.


BIL-
Get a fucking job, take care of your kids, get help for your online addiction and get the hell out of her life. 
Signed not-so-lovingly,
your big FAT Fatass SIL


----------



## TraciJo67

Dear You,

Maybe it's just me, but everytime I see a letter about friends letting friends down, I wonder if perhaps the expectation is set too high. I feel fortunate, very much so, that I have a few friends who I know I can count on at any time, for any reason. And they in turn understand that they can count on me. However, what I've learned over the years is to never foist an expectation onto them. I am just happy to have them in my life, grateful for whatever assistance we can provide for each other (on our own terms), and I never feel disappointed or let down if a call isn't returned or an offer for an ear/shoulder isn't extended. To me, a friend is someone whom I can enjoy spending time with, perhaps because we have a similar outlook or share the same sense of humor -- and anything that he/she gives to me is an unexpected bonus. 

I have a lot of acquaintances, people I know I can rely on for a good time and they aren't generally reliable for anything else. And that's fine. I like and appreciate them for what they can and do offer, because I don't have an expectation of anything else. And I try to remember that if at any time I try to assert MY expectations onto anyone -- friend or acquaintance -- that's a really quick way to lose a friend. Also, it makes me unhappy and bitter to have a high level of expectation and for the people in my life to constantly fail to come through. If it happens consistently, then I start wondering if I am playing a role - maybe I need to redefine why I've come to believe that anyone has any kind of obligation to me. I also know that if someone is taking too much from me without offering enough in return, then it is up to me to decide if that's OK or if I need to end the friendship -- keeping in mind that the friend doesn't "owe" me anything -- I'm just making him/her less of a priority in my life. 

Signed,
Someone who learned the hard way about expectations


----------



## Dmitra

&#1051;&#1102;&#1073;&#1080;&#1084;&#1086;,

There's nothing I can do and too much to feel.

Maybe someday,
&#1018;


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear you.
who cares? I don't.
Oh and postings #1296 and #1314 are also about my friends, in case you didn't notice.


----------



## vardon_grip

Dear you-

You know the old saying...it's not you, it's me?
Not this time.
This time it's ALL you. It's so all you that it's A E I O YOU! (And don't ask about sometimes why. You know why dammit!)
You are so selfish! You are like an opera singer warming up.
Remember the Smolnik's 4th of July party a few weeks ago? You think no one noticed how you went on and on and on...and on about your self after the rottweiler incident?
"Someone get this dog off of *ME*" 
"*I'M* being mauled",
"Help *ME*" 
"*I'M* losing so much blood" (Idiot! Everyone knows that blood just makes those dogs _more_ crazy!)
It was all ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!

I don't want that in my life anymore. Thank you and good day.
I said GOOD DAY!


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Whoever Thinks This Post Is About Them,


I always thought this thread was started to allow people to vent, or share their happiness, or just be silly...did I miss the memo that said the rules had been changed so that every post is up for criticism and judgment? If so, would someone please forward the memo to my PM box ASAP. Thanks

~Melanie~


P.S. GO LOCAL SPORTS TEAM! Whoohoo!


----------



## TraciJo67

Lovelyone said:


> Dear you.
> who cares? I don't.
> Oh and postings #1296 and #1314 are also about my friends, in case you didn't notice.


 
Dear Lovelyone,
I hadn't noticed. What I did notice was that a lot of people post about friends disappointing them. What I said wasn't targeted directly at you. Rather, it was a general statement about people whom probably need a little work in the expectations area. 

If I was directing it specifically to you, I have written your name in the subject line. Your post was just one of many that I've seen recently that reminded me of why it's a good thing to live with so few expectations of other people. A lot less stress. A lot happier me. And, it makes me a better friend to the people in my life who matter to me. 

Sincerely,
Traci


----------



## adelicateflwr

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Wal-Mart:
> 
> Please take note that the size and color of your Equate Brand Anti-Gas Medicine softgels bears remarkable similarity to your brand of stimulant laxatives. Apparently at 5am in the morning under less than optimal lighting, my desire to relieve myself of the previous day's HealthyChoice Tortilla Soup (which should actually be called "One Dorito and 300 Beans") discomfort led to a rather splattacular event later that morning.
> 
> I will never again take that medication's patented Shitmaself(tm) technology for granted. Although the walk from my desk to the bathroom is a scant 50 steps, it may as well be the Bataan Death March when the Admiral is fixing to fire his rectal trebuchet, if you get my meaning.
> 
> This public service message brought to you by the number 2.



ELL OHH ELL!!! :bow:


----------



## Lovelyone

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Lovelyone,
> I hadn't noticed. What I did notice was that a lot of people post about friends disappointing them. What I said wasn't targeted directly at you. Rather, it was a general statement about people whom probably need a little work in the expectations area.
> 
> If I was directing it specifically to you, I have written your name in the subject line. Your post was just one of many that I've seen recently that reminded me of why it's a good thing to live with so few expectations of other people. A lot less stress. A lot happier me. And, it makes me a better friend to the people in my life who matter to me.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Traci



Most everyone who read your posting knows that it was directed at me. You can label it as you will--I label it as condescending. I do not care about what you do with YOUR friends. I however DO have expectations of my friends. I expect kindness, courtesy, understanding, support and love--which is EXACTLY what I give them in return. Don't for one minute think that I haven't already said these things to them...because I make clear to them that what I give, I expect in return. I love my friends wholeheartedly and any of them will tell you that I am the kind of person who puts it all on the line. To do anything less is futile in regard to friendships. 
My post was not written FOR you, nor ABOUT you. Is it coincidental that you decided to post that particular posting after I wrote mine..I think not. As you said, my "post was just one of many that I've seen recently"...if that's the case why did you not type your oh so wonderful advice to some other poster? You've been doing this type of thing for years and using the "if it was directed at you I would have posted your name" excuse. why not just stop? Seriously, I do not post after you. I don't comment on your postings, nor do post my disagreements with just about everything that you post online, any longer. I asked you many moons ago to just put me on ignore. PLEASE DO SO. The thing about friendship is...that it IS by definition an expectation of love, support, encouragement and any other thing that you wish to make it. When I looked up the definition of friendship--no where did it say that I had to follow "tracijo's manual" about expectations. I never asked for YOUR opinion..and I dont recall anyone ELSE asking for it either.


----------



## TraciJo67

Lovelyone said:


> Most everyone who read your posting knows that it was directed at me. You can label it as you will--I label it as condescending. I do not care about what you do with YOUR friends. I however DO have expectations of my friends. I expect kindness, courtesy, understanding, support and love--which is EXACTLY what I give them in return. Don't for one minute think that I haven't already said these things to them...because I make clear to them that what I give, I expect in return. I love my friends wholeheartedly and any of them will tell you that I am the kind of person who puts it all on the line. To do anything less is futile in regard to friendships.
> My post was not written FOR you, nor ABOUT you. Is it coincidental that you decided to post that particular posting after I wrote mine..I think not. As you said, my "post was just one of many that I've seen recently"...if that's the case why did you not type your oh so wonderful advice to some other poster? You've been doing this type of thing for years and using the "if it was directed at you I would have posted your name" excuse. why not just stop? Seriously, I do not post after you. I don't comment on your postings, nor do post my disagreements with just about everything that you post online, any longer. I asked you many moons ago to just put me on ignore. PLEASE DO SO. The thing about friendship is...that it IS by definition an expectation of love, support, encouragement and any other thing that you wish to make it. *When I looked up the definition of friendship--no where did it say that I had to follow "tracijo's manual" about expectations. I never asked for YOUR opinion..and I dont recall anyone ELSE asking for it either*.


 
Well, you're right about the bolded part. You're certainly under no obligation to follow my suggestions. However, I meant what I said: Although it WAS your post that was the catalyst for my response, it was not directed specifically to you. Fact is, I don't know what the enmity is all about on your part -- you're claiming that you've asked me to put you on ignore. I've never felt any strong emotion towards you that would lead me to want to do so. In fact, isn't this the first time I've directed anything towards you in ... what? A year? Two? 

I don't have a lot of online friends. Good friends, true friends, I can count on one hand with fingers to spare. I count myself exceedingly fortunate to have that, and I don't take it for granted. I guess what I think is, there are far too many people who already place demands upon me: My boss, my coworkers, my clients, my husband, my child. Friends, to me, are a welcome respite from all that. They understand, as I do, that what is given within the confines of that particular relationship is given freely, with no strings attached. No tit for tat. That is what I am reading from your definition of friendship -- and, between the lines, from other disappointed postings here. Perhaps I'm wrong. If so, please clarify.

Also, perhaps "most everybody" assumes that it was about you. If so, "most everybody" would be wrong. I know my own motives, far better than anyone else would. Finally, I think that "most everybody" who knows my posting style also knows that passive-aggressive isn't one of those. If I meant to address you specifically, I would have.


----------



## CAMellie

Andrew (birth father),

I don't know what I was thinking in looking you up on FB...and I ESPECIALLY don't know what I was thinking in contacting you once I found you! You're still a dick...still insane...and I still HATE you!



Dear FB,

Make it harder to find someone, please. Or...I dunno...make 50 bazillion pop-ups asking if we're REALLY REALLY REALLY sure we REALLY want to find them.


kthnxbai


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear Target,

Fat women wear shorts, as you will notice by the several pairs I have bought from you over the last several summers. And, we don't all want to wear Bermuda shorts (because some of us are not much over 5' and look ridiculous in them). Please stock some casual, mid-thigh-ish shorts and I promise I will buy them. I prefer brown.

Thanks!
Fat shopper


----------



## lalatx

Dear right ear, 

I think you may be throwing around the idea of developing an ear infection. I suggest against this for several reasons. 
1.) It's painful. I am overall nice to you and would appreciate the same in return. 
2.) I do not want to use my time off from work to go to the doctor to deal with your aching and need for antibiotics.
3.) I may not even take you to the doctor. I may just will you into giving up and returning to normal. 
4.) Do not think I will not stab you in retaliation. I have already put 4 holes in you so I will follow through.

Thanks in advance Moi

P.S. I do have a knife. Just sayin


----------



## Proner

Dear Shakira,

I had your "Waka Waka" song stuck in my head during all the week-end and danced on it so much, thank you for all this fun :happy:

Exhausted but happy Proner


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Power Company,
I understand the desire to have a cool friendly home environment that doesn't require the occupants to sweat. However I object to the cost of maintaining such an environment to be the equivalent of a 2nd mortgage.

Signed the kid who's turning off the ac and sleeping in a bath tub of cold water so as not to pay 2 to 300 a month to subsidize a fatcat millionaire CEO orrrr.... aka your non pal,
Snuggletiger


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Proner said:


> Dear Shakira,
> 
> I had your "Waka Waka" song stuck in my head during all the week-end and danced on it so much, thank you for all this fun :happy:
> 
> Exhausted but happy Proner



Dear Proner,

I'm wondering if the ferias in France are anything like the ferias in Spain that I went to when I lived there. If they are, it's no wonder you didn't get any sleep last weekend.


----------



## mimosa

Dear B

Thanks for calling me. I am sorry for acting like a cry baby. Couldn't help it. You are very special to me. God bless you. Looking forward to talking to you this evening. 

Love, 
N


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Jack Daniels,

Come to me, Darling, Come to me! 

Lovingly Yours,
Megan.



Dear You,

Your too cute. 
Your intelligent, funny, and sweet.
Not to mention hot as fuck.
Be mine? 

Sincerely,
Me.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Monday night tv.
What in the heck happened to you? You used to be so lively and entertaining. Now you are boring and uninteresting. Please go get a transfusion. TY.


----------



## CAMellie

Dearest BarbaraMom,

I feel so guilty that we lost touch with each other, I feel mad that you took the "easy" way out, I feel desolate knowing that you felt you had no other options, and I am absolutely crushed knowing that you're no longer a part of this world.
I'll always miss you, BarbaraMom. You were always my favorite right after my "real" mom. I hope you're at peace wherever you are.


I love you,
MelanieBabyBrat


----------



## quackman

Dear Self,

Take your time. Enjoy the dating part of this relationship and wait til you're out of the infatuation stage before deciding to move in together, get married, have kids, etc. She may think she's out of the infatuation stage, but you're not. And if she's the right woman to spend the rest of this life with she'll wait until you're comfortable. And if she can't wait it will hurt a hell of a lot and you'll miss her a lot but it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

Love,
Me.

P.S. I do still hope that we get out of the infatuation stage and into the let's make this work forever stage, but that's what I always want while I'm infatuated.


----------



## CleverBomb

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Monday night tv.
> What in the heck happened to you? You used to be so lively and entertaining. Now you are boring and uninteresting. Please go get a transfusion. TY.


Shark Week. 

I still haven't quite come to terms with it. 

-Rusty


----------



## Proner

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear Proner,
> 
> I'm wondering if the ferias in France are anything like the ferias in Spain that I went to when I lived there. If they are, it's no wonder you didn't get any sleep last weekend.



It's pretty the same yes, they last less longer than the ferias in Spain but you're right ferias are huge sleep eaters


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Insomnia,

Your a whore.

Sincerely,
One of your best customers, against her own will.


----------



## LoveBHMS

Dear Gym Guy:

I am truly very sorry you are going through a divorce. I imagine it must be very stressful and difficult. I agree that the half a million dollars cash is a lot of money for your soon to be ex wife to ask for, although to be fair I don't know your net worth so it may be quite reasonable. Also you are fairly young so perhaps she feels justified in tapping into your future earnings? Maybe she put you through school or something. I dont' know because I don't even know your first name and thus I really REALLY don't feel I should be privy to these personal details of the breakup of your marriage. I agree with your inclination to take your kids to the house in Maine and just chill. Then maybe offer your wife a couple dollars shy of the half million and spend it on some therapy, i.e. please pay somebody else to listen to you.

Thanks,
L.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Longtime Friend,

I'm so sorry you lost your dad  He was always super nice to me, even before i knew you...he would still give me good grades even though he totally knew i was skipping his class regularly. I think he liked me cuz when i was present, i would always laugh at his goofy jokes lol

I'm not exactly sure how to comfort you since our boundaries have changed since i last saw you...and i know your girlfriend doesn't like me at ALL...probably because of the past, though i was hopeful that she wasn't aware of it since it was years ago...but, i'll be at the wake/funeral all the same and will be there for you even if i don't know exactly what to say or how to act. Hopefully my presence will at least let you know that i care about you and am sad that you're hurting 

All My Love

Your Longtime Buddy

Melissa


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear man friend-
Do it.
Me


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Zephyr,

For God's sake, come back in the house. There's food in here........you like food!

Look, it's really cute and ingenious that you and Wonton figured out how to unlock the screen door but the last time you did this you got your ass kicked by that feral something or other. Remember how hungry you were cos you didn't even have enough sense to kill a bug while you were surrounded by tasty bunnies hopping around? 

Watch out for that 'possum under the deck. 
The squirrel is not your friend no matter how many acorns he leaves on your windowsill.
Avoid bears and coyotes.

Come home soon. We're really worried, okay?

Miss you,
Your Hoomins


----------



## sobie18

Dear Cell Phone Zombie,

Thanks for cutting me off on the road today, as you were so busy talking/texting on your cell phone. I appreciate your lack of concern for other drivers on the road. I have your license plate number and will be paying you a visit real soon.

Take care,
Me


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear creepy guy from Syracuse, 

leave me alone.

Signed, so not interested


----------



## CAMellie

Dear E-Bay,

I love you! You have amazed me with your huge (no pun intended) selection of plus-sized wedding gowns...even custom made ones! I even found Adrian's suit on you. You amaze me!



All my love and money,
The-soon-to-be-broke bride



To the most amazing people in my life that I am blessed to call family,

Your generosity has brought me to tears on many occasions. Thanks for: the free wedding ceremony, the free reception venue, the free DJ (you rock, Jonathan!), the free wedding cake, and the almost-free honeymoon in Hawaii!

All my love and thanks,
Melanie


----------



## Mathias

Dear Internet,

Can you chill with the whole "Facebook Connect" thing? If there's something I want my friends to see I'll send it to them personally myself. 

Thanks.

-Matt


----------



## supersoup

dear Paquito,

your rep makes me laugh every time i see it.


roflwaffles and stuff,
soup


----------



## Paquito

supersoup said:


> dear Paquito,
> 
> your rep makes me laugh every time i see it.
> 
> 
> roflwaffles and stuff,
> soup



Dear Life,

I'm winning.

save some of those roflwaffles for me,

Paq


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Dad,

Your Wife is Crazy. 
Your Daughter is Crazy.
Your Pets are Crazy.

Your just a magnet for crazy, aren't ya?

Love,
Me.

PS: Don't you dare cut your hair! You'll soon be able to put it in the ponytail I remember you having all through my childhood. <3


----------



## BBW4Chattery

Dear xxxx School District,

I sent you my resume knowing the following:


this position is the first of its kind open in 9 years
I don't have the required educational license
the position is set to open in 14 days so it's likely you already have a candidate and are just posting this because it's in the rules to do so
there are only 320 of these positions available in the entire state

Still, I really think I want it. I really think I'd be good at it. I really want to work in a school again. I really miss supporting education as my primary career effort. I will work for cheap and you're in a budget crisis. I would be super happy just to get an interview with you.

So, please at least respond and say you've found another candidate. If you choose someone else, I'll be ok but the second something similar opens up with ya'll... I'll be back to try again to win your love.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Super Religious Uncle,

Lay the fuck off already!!! geeeeeeeeeeeeeze

Your spiritual but not religious niece

Melissa


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear Hair,

I recently dyed you back to your original color brown after you had turned some crazy reddish color, a couple months after the last dye experience. After 2 people called me a "redhead" I realized something was very wrong (not because anything is wrong with redheads, but because I am not one).

But now, after less than 2 weeks, you are turning that crazy reddish color again. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????!!!!! When I say "permanent hair dye" I mean permanently BROWN. If I choose to go into the swimming pool, I command you to ignore those chemicals. Also ignore the sun. 

Just stay brown. Seriously. I'm not playing with you.

Love,
The person living under you


----------



## largenlovely

as a victim of many hair dye experiments lol....i can say that unless you have it professionally dyed, it will continue to do that for a while....something about putting one hair dye on top of another hair dye...not exactly sure of the chemistry details but...yeah...it sucks and i feel your pain.




mcbeth said:


> Dear Hair,
> 
> I recently dyed you back to your original color brown after you had turned some crazy reddish color, a couple months after the last dye experience. After 2 people called me a "redhead" I realized something was very wrong (not because anything is wrong with redheads, but because I am not one).
> 
> But now, after less than 2 weeks, you are turning that crazy reddish color again. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????!!!!! When I say "permanent hair dye" I mean permanently BROWN. If I choose to go into the swimming pool, I command you to ignore those chemicals. Also ignore the sun.
> 
> Just stay brown. Seriously. I'm not playing with you.
> 
> Love,
> The person living under you


----------



## CastingPearls

largenlovely said:


> Dear Super Religious Uncle,
> 
> Lay the fuck off already!!! geeeeeeeeeeeeeze
> 
> Your spiritual but not religious niece
> 
> Melissa


Oh lordie, can I relate. Aunt Mary passed through the Pearly Gates years ago but still gives me nightmares!!!


----------



## largenlovely

LOL!!! My dad's side is just craaaaaaaaazy religious and i have to fight them off. I keep thinking one day i'll teach them to respect different opinions but... so far it hasn't been working. I think we're all too hard headed lol




CastingPearls said:


> Oh lordie, can I relate. Aunt Mary passed through the Pearly Gates years ago but still gives me nightmares!!!


----------



## sobie18

Dear Body,

Please fight off this cold and get back to being healthy. 

Time for a nap now...K thx bai!

Me


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Intolerant Bastards,

y'all have been coming out of the woodwork lately, particularly on my facebook. I won't even have a discussion with any of you because you are so obviously narrow minded to the point that you can't see beyond the nose on your face and i'm old enough to know better than to even worry with you. 

So go play by yourself and/or surround yourselves with other intolerant bastards.

Sincerely

someone who has learned to be accepting of people who are different than myself (unless they are intolerant bastards)


----------



## Proner

Dear White Blood Cells

Please move a little quickly and do your job please. I'm tired of being sick 

Sick Proner


----------



## largenlovely

Dear You,

WOW  did you feel that? I mean, really...c'mon...you had to notice that. Unless it was just me.....but i didn't think so....

Confusedly

Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear self,

He's a wee bit older, employed, and a nerd. He's totally your type and THERE!
Why the hell are you still all googly for the man half-way across the US, when you could be trying to win the boy next door? 

Sincerely,
You.


----------



## lalatx

Dear underage neighbors, 

I hate you

Next time you decide to pop lock and drop it while drinking a 40 in front of my moving car I will run your ass over. 

It is great that your parents allow all of your little 15 year old friends to come over to party and supply you all with liquor. I was underage once to parties are sweet. But you are pissing me off. I get tired of listening to your crappy music that seems to be on repeat. 

Your little friends are jerks, verbally offensive and have broken into several peoples cars and homes. The only reason why they have not broken into my car/house is b/c they fear several of my friends. 

You may be wondering why there was blaring death metal and techno coming from your left and right for oh 3 hrs today. Well everyone in my house and the people to the other side of you banned together. We gathered all of the stereo equipment that we have in our respective homes hooked it all up and pointed it in your direction. Hope you enjoyed it while we went to the movies.

We plan to leave the stereo on tomorrow as well. For your listening pleasure you will get to listen to Toby Keith on repeat. 

The neighbor behind you is on a fishing trip. You will get his fishy presents upon his return on Monday.

Maybe you will get the hint but I doubt it. I can however find solace knowing that you will be kicked out by your landlord soon. 

Yours truly Moi


----------



## willowmoon

lalatx said:


> .... For your listening pleasure you will get to listen to Toby Keith on repeat.....



Now THAT would be my version of Hell.

Seriously.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

lalatx said:


> Dear underage neighbors,
> 
> I hate you
> 
> Next time you decide to pop lock and drop it while drinking a 40 in front of my moving car I will run your ass over.
> 
> It is great that your parents allow all of your little 15 year old friends to come over to party and supply you all with liquor. I was underage once to parties are sweet. But you are pissing me off. I get tired of listening to your crappy music that seems to be on repeat.
> 
> Your little friends are jerks, verbally offensive and have broken into several peoples cars and homes. The only reason why they have not broken into my car/house is b/c they fear several of my friends.
> 
> You may be wondering why there was blaring death metal and techno coming from your left and right for oh 3 hrs today. Well everyone in my house and the people to the other side of you banned together. We gathered all of the stereo equipment that we have in our respective homes hooked it all up and pointed it in your direction. Hope you enjoyed it while we went to the movies.
> 
> We plan to leave the stereo on tomorrow as well. For your listening pleasure you will get to listen to Toby Keith on repeat.
> 
> The neighbor behind you is on a fishing trip. You will get his fishy presents upon his return on Monday.
> 
> Maybe you will get the hint but I doubt it. I can however find solace knowing that you will be kicked out by your landlord soon.
> 
> Yours truly Moi



Dear Lalatx,

As a Mom, I think you should call the police on those dopes supplying liquor to children. 

As a former teenager that used to drink underage, I now realize that adults that bought me liquor usually never had good intentions or concern for me. 

Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## lalatx

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Lalatx,
> 
> As a Mom, I think you should call the police on those dopes supplying liquor to children.
> 
> As a former teenager that used to drink underage, I now realize that adults that bought me liquor usually never had good intentions or concern for me.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Moi



Cops have been called by 5 different people in the neighborhood. They basically do nothing. There have been multiple noise complaints still nothing. We have spoken to the owner of the property and they will be giving them an eviction notice soon for complaints, not paying rent and for damaging the home.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

lalatx said:


> Cops have been called by 5 different people in the neighborhood. They basically do nothing. There have been multiple noise complaints still nothing. We have spoken to the owner of the property and they will be giving them an eviction notice soon for complaints, not paying rent and for damaging the home.



They weren't concerned about minors drinking? Perhaps you need to call someone higher up in the police department to complain again. 


Just a suggestion....have seen it done before and it worked. 

So sorry you're having such trouble....I know bad neighbor problems are awful.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

willowmoon said:


> Now THAT would be my version of Hell.
> 
> Seriously.


QFT! 



... Oh man, I'm getting goosebumps. 
It's such a scary thought!


----------



## lalatx

Your Plump Princess said:


> QFT!
> 
> 
> 
> ... Oh man, I'm getting goosebumps.
> It's such a scary thought!



Haha it's meant to be scary.


----------



## Proner

Dear upper neighbour,

Could you please stop messing with power? You strok again today in the afternoon and make the power down for all the building. So stop trying to fix it yourself call a professional, electricity is way dangerous when you don't know the right things to do. Hopefully it don't last too long but it's annoying for everyone...

P.S: If you continue to mess with power I will give you my super-mutant cold, you're now warned.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

lalatx said:


> Haha it's meant to be scary.


Well if I get nightmares, I'm sicking Batman on you.
You've been warned.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear A,

"It was while I was still unsure about "us" and I never thought you'd find out" is NOT an excuse!!!


Sincerely,
M



P.S. No, he didn't cheat on me...it was a trust issue thingie


----------



## largenlovely

Dear You,

please don't fuck this up  So far i've been really impressed...i don't want to be disappointed.

Hopefully,

Me


----------



## mimosa

Dear Dad, 

I love you....but I can not believe you tell me to just "get over it". I thought you were more understanding then that. But once again you have failed me. So what's new?

Love your daughter, 

The fat one.


----------



## gypsy

luscious_lulu said:


> Dear creepy guy from Syracuse,
> 
> leave me alone.
> 
> Signed, so not interested



Dear Universe,

I second that for her. 

Signed,

I Saw Him Naked In The Hot Tub


----------



## luscious_lulu

gypsy said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> I second that for her.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> I Saw Him Naked In The Hot Tub




Dear Gypsy, 

your post made me laugh like a loon. I think Guenevere is afraid of me now.

Love Lulu


----------



## Rowan

Dear serious dr's office drug screen,

So, I took an over the counter test and it was fine, so please, follow suit and you be fine too. The two drags I took of that harmless herbal blend a week and a half ago was a rarity for me and with the stress of my life lately, I needed it. Applying for and getting interviewed for these two jobs at the cable company kind of came out of nowhere, and of course the opportunity would knock right after I did something like that. I REALLY need this job so I can have benefits and see the doctor and get back on some meds I badly need and havent been on since I lost my last job in January. So please...be good to me and come up negative as well.

*begging, hoping and praying*
-Nervous wreck


----------



## gypsy

Dear Tattoo:

You itch like a motherfucker. But of course, I did it to myself, getting you and all.

Although I look forward to my colour in 2 weeks, I will not look forward to round two of the inevitable itching.

Love,

Masochist.


----------



## ValentineBBW

Dear Masochist,

Itching means I am healing, be thankful for that.

Signed,

Tattoo


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Itchy and Scratchy,

It's totally worth it when someone says.....holy shit i love your tattoo!!! lol

Signed,

a TA (Tattoo Admirer)





gypsy said:


> Dear Tattoo:
> 
> You itch like a motherfucker. But of course, I did it to myself, getting you and all.
> 
> Although I look forward to my colour in 2 weeks, I will not look forward to round two of the inevitable itching.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Masochist.


----------



## SuperMishe

Dear Life,

Could you get a little better please...?

Kthxbai


----------



## mimosa

Dear Creepy Guys online, 

If I ask you how you are and you tell me you are horny....I will end our conversation. I do not have "$1.50 for the first minute, .50 for each additional minute" written on my forehead. Go get yourself a blow-up doll or something, you horny toad! 

Sexy but NOT slutty,

Mimosa


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear insurance guy
No 1800 doesn't cover my hurt back and inconvience. You're lucky I didn't say how high you can count although that might still happen. 
Me


----------



## Linda

Dear Tlaloc,

Super-G was all handsome looking. Hair spiked and in perfect condition. Could you not hold off on the massive downpour until after he got his school picture taken? I mean instead of drowning us you could have been out working on one of your other hobbies.

Sincerely,

Drenched


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Crush,

I've found another to crush on. 
He's 29, he's got a job, his own place---
But I can't stop thinking of you, and how much I wish we could be, even though your hundreds of miles away from me.



Sincerely,
The Broken Dreamer








Dear Friend,

The four of us need to hang out more.
Me, you, your boyfriend, and your friend chris.
He's a hottie nerd, and I _know_ I scored points with him for my 'kupo' comeback. 


Shy-estly, 
The unskilled flirter.


----------



## gypsy

ValentineBBW said:


> Dear Masochist,
> 
> Itching means I am healing, be thankful for that.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Tattoo





largenlovely said:


> Dear Itchy and Scratchy,
> 
> It's totally worth it when someone says.....holy shit i love your tattoo!!! lol
> 
> Signed,
> 
> a TA (Tattoo Admirer)



Hehehe... thanks ladies!


----------



## Amaranthine

Dear College,

Well, I'm starting you in a few weeks. Please don't own me. No matter what I say, I really am okay with the fact that you're so big. I just don't want to get lost in you. 

Sincerely,

Myself


----------



## sobie18

Dear boogers and pimples,

Enough already! Get lost and leave me alone! 

Me


----------



## Victim

Fate, you're being a fucked-up bitch. Again. Yes, us mortals have to play your game, but just remember we've been playing by my rules and will continue to do so.

#1) Keeping my promise. Not just the 21 year old promise, but the 23 year old one too. I asked, you listened, and I received. But remember I had conditions on that too. That promise includes being a friend, not just being 'there' and not with someone else. You can't suck people's souls out, not even by proxy. Just wait a fucking minute and you can get what you want. If this screws up your timetable find someone else.

#2) Why do you have to make things that should be easy so difficult? Does XXX really need what is probably coming to him? Why did I have to send just ONE MORE message. It isn't really his fault, it's just how he is wired. Cut him a break. I can hear the yelling from here. We all put our own spin on the ball before we throw it to the next person. My need for exonneration is not that great, I can take the hit if it means yet one more fundamentally good person doesn't get hurt in the process. See end of #1.

#3) I think my real problem is believing that you exist at all, but the forced move and all the other things are just too perfectly timed. Just remember that I'm not willing to cast anyone by the wayside even though you have given me that ability. I'm leaving that switch in the ON position for a while. Deal with it. See #1 again.


----------



## thirtiesgirl

Dear Anthropologie,

Please expand your market to include plus size clothes. You are my favorite store in the world...except for the fact that you don't make clothes to fit me. I love your vintage-inspired fashions and would love to spend my hard earned dollar at your store and continue to save the economy by shopping. But I can't do it if you don't make clothes in my size. Why should I change for you? Whatever happened to "the customer is always right?" I'm a fat woman and I want to shop in your store. So help me out here and make some positive changes. I guarantee you won't regret it. I'm not the only fat woman who knows Anthropologie has style.

Sincerely,
thirtiesgirl


Dear Ladies,

Girl bullying is not cool or mature. I hope you can refrain from it in the future and we can have a good time. Learning to share is a positive thing and won't take away from who you are as an individual. In fact, I think it adds to your personal character if you're able to share with others. As opposed to bullying, which just makes you seem petty and immature. I'm sure we can all learn to get along.

Sincerely,
thirtiesgirl


----------



## mimosa

Dear Baby Boy

Every time we pray together, saying : "And poo-poo"..does not equal an amen. :doh: I see you are realizing that after you said: "Sorry God". But as Veggie Tales says: "God made you special and He loves you very much." I believe that my son. I love you very much also.

Love,
Mama


----------



## crayola box

Dear Mom,

Thank you for the career advice, I appreciate you getting information from every person you meet who works in this field, but you are driving me nuts. Most of the advice is totally impractical, if I sound enthused I would be misleading you, if I shoot the idea down I can hear the hurt in your voice. How about a break from the ideas for a few days, cause I hate the sour note they give to the conversation.

-your exasperated daughter


----------



## SuperMishe

Dear cancer... you suck. After months and months of chemo, with no end in sight, you have the nerve to infiltrate his lungs too? Fuck you cancer - I beat you once already and he'll beat you too. So fuck you - get the hell out of my family.


----------



## Sasquatch!

Dear Woman at the Employment agency,

Enclosed is some strawberry jam. I would be very grateful if you could rub a generous portion of said jam all over your face, and proceed to the 3rd dumpster from the left at the back of the office. I promise it won't contain a raccoon.

Now I have your full attention.... I've now been made aware that whenever I was phoning up asking for work, you automatically told me there was nothing available, despite (I was suspicious at the time) spending an amazingly short time "looking on the computer".
Did it ever occur to you that I might come across someone who works in the same office as you? Did it not occur to you that _they_ can see what you are doing, and hear all your phone calls?

How many people's lives have you ruined by refusing to give them jobs, or even news of jobs....simply because you were too lazy to look?

I hope you have a tragic stapler accident.

Yours,

Sassy.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear Sassy,

If you know someone who works there who told you of this, pleaaase keep on this person about reporting it. That person no longer needs to work there. That's just... disgusting.


----------



## Crystal

Dear Mom,

You are driving me INSANE!

Love,
Crystal


----------



## thirtiesgirl

Crystal said:


> Dear Mom,
> 
> You are driving me INSANE!
> 
> Love,
> Crystal



Oy. Been there. Best of luck.


----------



## mimosa

Dear CB and C, 

Do not worry! When you have your own children, you can drive them crazy too. YAY! 

Love, 

Mama Mimosa :kiss2:







crayola box said:


> Dear Mom,
> 
> Thank you for the career advice, I appreciate you getting information from every person you meet who works in this field, but you are driving me nuts. Most of the advice is totally impractical, if I sound enthused I would be misleading you, if I shoot the idea down I can hear the hurt in your voice. How about a break from the ideas for a few days, cause I hate the sour note they give to the conversation.
> 
> -your exasperated daughter





Crystal said:


> Dear Mom,
> 
> You are driving me INSANE!
> 
> Love,
> Crystal


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear guys on dating sites who make it clear you don't like BBWs,

That's fine, at least you're honest and I won't waste my time. But honestly, do you really have to say "Sorry" about it? Like, you, one guy, who said: "Sorry ladies, I just can't get into the bbw thing." You make it sound like all us fat chicks were just drooling over your profile and now we are crying into our oreos brokenhearted. 

Here's the news: we're not.  So let's just move along about our lives, shall we? Go and make yourself some skinny love! like the Bon Iver song!

Peace out,
A fat chick


----------



## Famouslastwords

mcbeth said:


> Dear guys on dating sites who make it clear you don't like BBWs,
> 
> That's fine, at least you're honest and I won't waste my time. But honestly, do you really have to say "Sorry" about it? Like, you, one guy, who said: "Sorry ladies, I just can't get into the bbw thing." You make it sound like all us fat chicks were just drooling over your profile and now we are crying into our oreos brokenhearted.
> 
> Here's the news: we're not.  So let's just move along about our lives, shall we? Go and make yourself some skinny love! like the Bon Iver song!
> 
> Peace out,
> A fat chick



lol Sorry boys, my golden Oreos are they only one for me.


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear Creepy Syracuse Guy, 

I really meant it when I said I didn't want to talk to you and I wasn't interested. I told you to stop contacting me, including no messages on FB or the "other" board we both belong to. I'm not sure how much clearer I can be.

Sending me a message, by commenting on my picture (on a friends FB account) was included in the no contact message. Now I've blocked you on FB. 

I'm a really nice person, but you are make me very uncomfortable. 

Please just stop.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear You,

It was fun...had a blast ..but now you're creating too much drama for me all of a sudden and i don't need that. So umm...i'm out the door lol

gotta go

Me


----------



## Famouslastwords

luscious_lulu said:


> Dear Creepy Syracuse Guy,
> 
> I really meant it when I said I didn't want to talk to you and I wasn't interested. I told you to stop contacting me, including no messages on FB or the "other" board we both belong to. I'm not sure how much clearer I can be.
> 
> Sending me a message, by commenting on my picture (on a friends FB account) was included in the no contact message. Now I've blocked you on FB.
> 
> I'm a really nice person, but you are make me very uncomfortable.
> 
> Please just stop.




Hehe, hey baby, nice avatar pic


m(0_0)m <<that's me peeking in ur window


----------



## mimosa

Wanna rep you like you're the queen of the fat chicks.:bow: But I can't 




mcbeth said:


> Dear guys on dating sites who make it clear you don't like BBWs,
> 
> That's fine, at least you're honest and I won't waste my time. But honestly, do you really have to say "Sorry" about it? Like, you, one guy, who said: "Sorry ladies, I just can't get into the bbw thing." You make it sound like all us fat chicks were just drooling over your profile and now we are crying into our oreos brokenhearted.
> 
> Here's the news: we're not.  So let's just move along about our lives, shall we? Go and make yourself some skinny love! like the Bon Iver song!
> 
> Peace out,
> A fat chick


----------



## luscious_lulu

Famouslastwords said:


> Hehe, hey baby, nice avatar pic
> 
> 
> m(0_0)m <<that's me peeking in ur window



Well Helllooooooo! :smitten:


----------



## Sasquatch!

Dear self,

Take better care of yourself, ok?

Love,

Sassy Q.


----------



## BBW4Chattery

mcbeth said:


> Dear guys on dating sites who make it clear you don't like BBWs,
> 
> That's fine, at least you're honest and I won't waste my time. But honestly, do you really have to say "Sorry" about it? Like, you, one guy, who said: "Sorry ladies, I just can't get into the bbw thing." You make it sound like all us fat chicks were just drooling over your profile and now we are crying into our oreos brokenhearted.
> 
> Here's the news: we're not.  So let's just move along about our lives, shall we? Go and make yourself some skinny love! like the Bon Iver song!
> 
> Peace out,
> A fat chick



Ditto McBeth's letter...

I ran out of rep, I'll hit ya next time. 

Well said.


----------



## MzDeeZyre

Dear Douchebag Ex-Boyfriend,

While you might think that it's cute to try to log into all of my accounts, I find it VERY disturbing. When we ended things, I realize that it wasn't on the greatest of terms, but it is what needed to be done. If you continue to be a douchebag, and fuck with me, I will promise you that you will not like the consequences.




Dear Even Bigger Douchebag Ex-Husband,

When you finally texted me tonight, and asked how our daughter has been since the move, I was surprised. When you said you'd call her right after you got off work, I was even more shocked. 

It's now 30 minutes after the time you were supposed to call. And we are still sitting here waiting for that call. I know I shouldn't have even said anything to her.... but for fucks sake she misses you.The look on her face is absolutely killing me. Do you think for once in your pathetic excuse for a life, that you could follow through on what you say? Maybe you could man-up and the the father that she deserves?? 

Yeah... I didn't think so!


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Dear Heart,

More tears again? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

Please, please, oh God PLEASE, stop hurting for what you simply cannot have right now. The One is out there, somewhere, we both know this logically. We just have to be patient, very fucking patient. I've been putting on the happy facade hoping this nonsense of yours will quickly blow past, but it's been over a week! And this misery you're putting me through over literally absolutely nothing right now feels like its getting worse and that is just bullshit!! Bullshit!!

I DEMAND you to cut it the fuck out right now so I can stop wanting to cry at the drop of a motherfucking hat and continue on with my life as normal. Well, as normal as my crazy ass life gets anyway.

Signed,
The Tears That Do Not Want To Fall On My Pillow (Again)


----------



## MzDeeZyre

*hugs* I'm sorry Doll!!


----------



## LovelyLiz

mimosa said:


> Wanna rep you like you're the queen of the fat chicks.:bow: But I can't





BBW4Chattery said:


> Ditto McBeth's letter...
> 
> I ran out of rep, I'll hit ya next time.
> 
> Well said.



Thanks, ladies. Glad ya feel me.


----------



## BBW4Chattery

OneWickedAngel said:


> Dear Heart,
> 
> More tears again? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
> 
> Please, please, oh God PLEASE, stop hurting for what you simply cannot have right now. The One is out there, somewhere, we both know this logically. We just have to be patient, very fucking patient. I've been putting on the facade hoping this nonsense of yours will quickly blow past, but it's been over a week and this misery you're putting me through over literally absolutely nothing right now feels like its getting worse and that is just bullshit!! Bullshit!!
> 
> I DEMAND you to cut it the fuck out right now so I can stop wanting to cry at the drop of a motherfucking hat and continue on with my life as normal. Well, as normal as my crazy ass life gets anyway.
> 
> Signed,
> The Tears That Do Not Want To Fall On My Pillow (Again)




Genuine and sincere hugs. Feel better soon.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

mcbeth said:


> Dear guys on dating sites who make it clear you don't like BBWs,
> 
> That's fine, at least you're honest and I won't waste my time. But honestly, do you really have to say "Sorry" about it? Like, you, one guy, who said: "Sorry ladies, I just can't get into the bbw thing." You make it sound like all us fat chicks were just drooling over your profile and now we are crying into our oreos brokenhearted.
> 
> Here's the news: we're not.  So let's just move along about our lives, shall we? Go and make yourself some skinny love! like the Bon Iver song!
> 
> Peace out,
> A fat chick



Dear Fat Chick,

You rock my world. 

Your Sister in Oreo Land,
Moi


----------



## littlefairywren

OneWickedAngel said:


> Dear Heart,
> 
> More tears again? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
> 
> Please, please, oh God PLEASE, stop hurting for what you simply cannot have right now. The One is out there, somewhere, we both know this logically. We just have to be patient, very fucking patient. I've been putting on the happy facade hoping this nonsense of yours will quickly blow past, but it's been over a week! And this misery you're putting me through over literally absolutely nothing right now feels like its getting worse and that is just bullshit!! Bullshit!!
> 
> I DEMAND you to cut it the fuck out right now so I can stop wanting to cry at the drop of a motherfucking hat and continue on with my life as normal. Well, as normal as my crazy ass life gets anyway.
> 
> Signed,
> The Tears That Do Not Want To Fall On My Pillow (Again)



Soft hugs, OWA.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear You--

It sure did take me a long time to figure out that you are EXACTLY the way that people warned me you would be. It's a damned shame cos for the longest time I sang your praises and defended you against such things--now I know better. Either way it doesn't change our friendship, I still love ya. *Sigh. I just wonder will I ever learn? Honestly, I wish you the best, want you to be happy and hope that whatever it is that you are missing in your life...you find. Whatever it is, I think it will be hard for you to find it since you aren't exactly honest with yourself about what you want, desire, or need (and you know that I know this is true cos I know you better than anyone else). May God bless the path that you choose and in the words of one of my favorite songs..."I wish you all you need to be more than I could be." and "It's your life, this is your story. And when all is done and said--may you live with no regrets"
Big Love 
Terri


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Great Whatever,
I hope the fender bender doesn't leave me with a lifetime of backpain 
your pal
snuggletiger with a burned paw


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear Megan,

I know you enjoy reading but you need to STOP before the clock strikes 2am or even 1am. Walking around like a tired ass zombie is not helping care for the household. Pizza is not the answer every evening because you're too tired to care about cooking. Start getting more sleep! Books can wait!

love,
Me


----------



## Proner

OneWickedAngel said:


> Dear Heart,
> 
> More tears again? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
> 
> Please, please, oh God PLEASE, stop hurting for what you simply cannot have right now. The One is out there, somewhere, we both know this logically. We just have to be patient, very fucking patient. I've been putting on the happy facade hoping this nonsense of yours will quickly blow past, but it's been over a week! And this misery you're putting me through over literally absolutely nothing right now feels like its getting worse and that is just bullshit!! Bullshit!!
> 
> I DEMAND you to cut it the fuck out right now so I can stop wanting to cry at the drop of a motherfucking hat and continue on with my life as normal. Well, as normal as my crazy ass life gets anyway.
> 
> Signed,
> The Tears That Do Not Want To Fall On My Pillow (Again)



Big hugs Raivenne 

Dear Kid,

I know you let the book fall on my foot on purpose, it was obvious as you stick your tongue at me after. Soo I warn you that I'm a nice smiling librarian but I also know all your favorite books and it could be possible that next time you want to borrow one of them it will be "unavailable".

Evil sided librarian


----------



## luscious_lulu

OneWickedAngel said:


> Dear Heart,
> 
> More tears again? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
> 
> Please, please, oh God PLEASE, stop hurting for what you simply cannot have right now. The One is out there, somewhere, we both know this logically. We just have to be patient, very fucking patient. I've been putting on the happy facade hoping this nonsense of yours will quickly blow past, but it's been over a week! And this misery you're putting me through over literally absolutely nothing right now feels like its getting worse and that is just bullshit!! Bullshit!!
> 
> I DEMAND you to cut it the fuck out right now so I can stop wanting to cry at the drop of a motherfucking hat and continue on with my life as normal. Well, as normal as my crazy ass life gets anyway.
> 
> Signed,
> The Tears That Do Not Want To Fall On My Pillow (Again)



Dear OWA,

We love you

xoxo



Proner said:


> Big hugs Raivenne
> 
> Dear Kid,
> 
> I know you let the book fall on my foot on purpose, it was obvious as you stick your tongue at me after. Soo I warn you that I'm a nice smiling librarian but I also know all your favorite books and it could be possible that next time you want to borrow one of them it will be "unavailable".
> 
> Evil sided librarian



hmmm an naughty librarian... :wubu:


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear cute guy on MSN 

Please continue to be sweet & funny

Me


----------



## OneWickedAngel

MzDeeZyre said:


> *hugs* I'm sorry Doll!!





BBW4Chattery said:


> Genuine and sincere hugs. Feel better soon.





littlefairywren said:


> Soft hugs, OWA.





Proner said:


> Big hugs Raivenne





luscious_lulu said:


> Dear OWA,
> 
> We love you
> 
> xoxo



Thank you all, :wubu: :wubu:


----------



## mimosa

Dearest OWA

There is hope, sweet darling. Its okay to cry for a little while. But do not stay there too long. Please take extra care of yourself. You are an amazing, beautiful, sexy woman. We all believe in you here. God bless you. 


Tons of love and warm hugs, 

Mimosa










OneWickedAngel said:


> Dear Heart,
> 
> More tears again? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
> 
> Please, please, oh God PLEASE, stop hurting for what you simply cannot have right now. The One is out there, somewhere, we both know this logically. We just have to be patient, very fucking patient. I've been putting on the happy facade hoping this nonsense of yours will quickly blow past, but it's been over a week! And this misery you're putting me through over literally absolutely nothing right now feels like its getting worse and that is just bullshit!! Bullshit!!
> 
> I DEMAND you to cut it the fuck out right now so I can stop wanting to cry at the drop of a motherfucking hat and continue on with my life as normal. Well, as normal as my crazy ass life gets anyway.
> 
> Signed,
> The Tears That Do Not Want To Fall On My Pillow (Again)


----------



## Proner

Dear Brother,

No, evil librarian is not a pleonasm.

Your non-pleonasm brother


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Proner said:


> Dear Brother,
> 
> No, evil librarian is not a pleonasm.
> 
> Your non-pleonasm brother



Oh my, I think I just geek-gasmed, again! The word pleonasm - used correctly! 

** lights cigarette **


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear men of the world,

I think every one of you out there who is single needs a new pair of eyes, ears, and a brain. There is one person in the world who should be constantly harrassed by sincere offers of marriage and adoration, and her name is Raivenne. Get on it.


----------



## Paquito

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear men of the world,
> 
> I think every one of you out there who is single needs a new pair of eyes, ears, and a brain. There is one person in the world who should be constantly harrassed by sincere offers of marriage and adoration, and her name is Raivenne. Get on it.



I'd like to point out that I have offered up myself - leash and all - many times, only to be told that I'm too young. :wubu:

New York needs to get it's shit together though.


----------



## OneWickedAngel

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG! 

The two of you need to stop! 

"Leash and all" *cleans up caramel machiato spat in giggles*


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Bad Juju/Bad Luck/Bad Vibe/Evil mystical thingie.

Hah Im still around even though I had the car accident and burned hand without the beads. 

Me


----------



## Proner

Dear Hair,

Would you please stop growing? I look like nothing right now.


Dear former coach,

I know what you prepare for our meeting on the field next week. Anyway I will be on the field and be fair play, I just hope that my former teammates will not listen to you.
I hoped with time your bitterness disapeared, I was wrong


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Sciatica...
YOU SUCK BIG DONKEY BALLS.
Terri


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Cowboy,

Why do you have to live in Texas, it's so unfair!

Love your wannabe girlfriend



Dear University of Texas,

Why must your masters degrees cost so much?!

Yours,

Prospective Grad Student (lottery win dependent)



Dear National Lottery,

My turn please. 

Laura



Dear employers in Austin,

I know I dont have mad skills, but I'm hardworking and clever and nice. Visa please?!

Yours,

Expat in waiting


----------



## BrownEyedChica

Dear Lead A, 

Could you please minimize your flirting? it can get a little uncomfortable at times... 
Thanks, 
chickidee #3

P.s also.... keep my personal space in mind as well. Thanks!


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear Bed,

I miss you. I'll be in you very soon

Love me


----------



## MisticalMisty

Gingembre said:


> Dear Cowboy,
> 
> Why do you have to live in Texas, it's so unfair!
> 
> Love your wannabe girlfriend
> 
> 
> 
> Dear University of Texas,
> 
> Why must your masters degrees cost so much?!
> 
> Yours,
> 
> Prospective Grad Student (lottery win dependent)
> 
> 
> 
> Dear National Lottery,
> 
> My turn please.
> 
> Laura
> 
> 
> 
> Dear employers in Austin,
> 
> I know I dont have mad skills, but I'm hardworking and clever and nice. Visa please?!
> 
> Yours,
> 
> Expat in waiting



Try University of Texas at Dallas or University of Texas at Arlington! 

Same school..different locations and only 3 hours from Austin. 

I live in Dallas and would offer you a place to stay..but I'm living with my sil


----------



## archivaltype

Dear you,

I'm just as pleased as punch that I found you. You're awesome, make up for every douchebag on the planet and then some, and look a like a blonde Zach Braff. I'm the lucky one :wubu:

meeee.


Dear tummy,

SERIOUSLY STOP HURTING, OKAY?! I wanna feel normal before school starts


----------



## mimosa

Dear B

As I type this we just hung up the phone. You said something amazing. You said: "You are the best thing that has ever happen to be besides my daughters." 

It was very beautiful. I wanted to say thank you. God bless you. 

Also thank you for allowing us to share gorgeous dreams together. 

These are the moments that I cherish in my heart. 

Love, 

N


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear you,

It is imperative that you get your daily dose of Vitamin E. 

That is all.

(((hugs)))kisses
me


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe,

I'm in a bad spot, and really floundering here. I hate feeling like this, it hurts like crazy and needs to stop....please. 

Love
Kimberly


----------



## mimosa

Dearest Mexican Mama

You are a wonderful blessing in every-way. I love you with all of my heart. I am very thankful for all that you do.......

But Mama, why did you have to cut my hair so short.  I feel a bit naked now. 

I hope it'll grow back. 

You are still the best Mexican Mama a Chubby daughter could ever have. You rock, Mama!

Love 

The Chubby one. :bow:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Self,

I'm glad you have finally wisened up and have been reading labels and avoiding saltier foods. However, that new donut habit can't be good for you either :doh:

Get a grip.

Moi


----------



## mimosa

Dearest Fairy

No one is perfect. Eat as healthy as you can. Do not forget to live a little. Do not be so hard on yourself because you are awesome. :bow:

Love, 

Mimosa




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Self,
> 
> I'm glad you have finally wisened up and have been reading labels and avoiding saltier foods. However, that new donut habit can't be good for you either :doh:
> 
> Get a grip.
> 
> Moi


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear germs that have invaded my body,

Please leave now. No really, I mean it.

Signed sick & tired


Dear GEF, 

Now I want a donut.

Signed, 
Susceptible to the power of suggestion


----------



## Dmitra

Dear Universe,

Please give Kimberly a break or I'll have to go all medieval on your butt! And give the rest of us one, too, while you're at it.

Sincerely,
M


----------



## OneWickedAngel

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> I'm in a bad spot, and really floundering here. I hate feeling like this, it hurts like crazy and needs to stop....please.
> 
> Love
> Kimberly


Major hugs girlie! I just came out of there. It doesn't stop it from sucking right now, but we at least know it eventually passes. Hang in there Kimmi.



mimosa said:


> Dearest Mexican Mama
> 
> You are a wonderful blessing in every-way. I love you with all of my heart. I am very thankful for all that you do.......
> 
> But Mama, why did you have to cut my hair so short.  I feel a bit naked now.
> 
> I hope it'll grow back.
> 
> You are still the best Mexican Mama a Chubby daughter could ever have. You rock, Mama!
> 
> Love
> 
> The Chubby one. :bow:


Hee-hee! It will grow back, but I bet you're still as hot as ever.




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Self,
> 
> I'm glad you have finally wisened up and have been reading labels and avoiding saltier foods. However, that new donut habit can't be good for you either :doh:
> 
> Get a grip.
> 
> Moi


Damn you! Now i want a Krispy Creme and I am no where near one.



luscious_lulu said:


> Dear germs that have invaded my body,
> 
> Please leave now. No really, I mean it.
> 
> Signed sick & tired
> ...snip..


Feel better soon, Lu.



Dmitra said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> Please give Kimberly a break or I'll have to go all medieval on your butt! And give the rest of us one, too, while you're at it.
> 
> Sincerely,
> M


AMEN sista!


----------



## mszwebs

Dear Mercury Retrograde,

I realize that there is 3 weeks of you...but if you could maybe NOT stick around so much and perhaps concentrate on people that are karmically in need of interesting things to happen to them, that would be great. 

In the last 2.5 days, you've done plenty to my little group so I'm kindly asking you to move on and play with the other 6 billion people in the world. You do have to got to everyone, you know.

Thank you 

Moi


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dearest GEF,

Now I want a donut, too. 
Waaaaaaaaaaaay to go, what is it about them that is so delicious?

Confusedly,
Dying for custard-filled.


Dear Sleep, 

Why do you hide from me? Why?

Longingly yours,
Megan


----------



## wrestlingguy

Dear food gods.

I WANT SUSHI! Now I realize that I can go to a restaurant and get what I want, but the problem is that I'm home with a fever of 102.9, a bad case of strep throat, and a bronchial infection to boot.

Can you lay some at my door, please???? Nothin' fancy, even an avocado roll would be nice.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dearest Ladies,

I have decided that R is absolutely correct and that Krispy Kreme is the only way to go when it comes to donut loving. 

So please allow me to share that dozen I picked up yesterday with all of you. 







Enjoy!

Moi


----------



## littlefairywren

Dmitra said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> Please give Kimberly a break or I'll have to go all medieval on your butt! And give the rest of us one, too, while you're at it.
> 
> Sincerely,
> M





OneWickedAngel said:


> Major hugs girlie! I just came out of there. It doesn't stop it from sucking right now, but we at least know it eventually passes. Hang in there Kimmi.



Thanks so much ladies!


----------



## CAMellie

Mr. & Mrs. Perez,

Believe me, the dislike is mutual, but don't pull your bullshit games on your son. He's soon-to-be gainfully employed, has a roof over his head, his bills are paid, and he is loved...VERY loved!
Each and every one of us lives our lives the way we're meant to...so quit trying to make your son think that he's in a life contest with his siblings. He's 25 and NOT accountable to you for the decisions he makes.

Let him live his own life...not the life YOU want him to live!


Melanie


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear friend-Thanks for calling today. I really needed a chat and a pick-me-up. I hope that you got the same from me cos that's what I was tryin' for. 
Much love,
Terri


----------



## mimosa

Dear B

It was nice hearing from you. But it was an lame-ass attempt. At least in my heart I knew I could go the distance. One day I hope it will be for someone that is worthy of all my love, kindness and understanding. And guess what??I have real nails, hair, eye brows and eye lashes.  Yeah you are missing out on a REAL woman! 

See ya! 

N


----------



## AuntHen

Dear superfantabulistic *baby cat*,

Hi! :happy: Would you like me to cheer you, with a song on my guitar? 

Be well!

:kiss2::kiss2:
~me~


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Heat,


F*ck you...go to h*ll...kiss my a**...I hope you die!


Sweatingly,

Melanie


----------



## mimosa

Dear Kid

I am not going to explain anything about my private life. I am a grown woman. Someone in your life needs to teach you that being nosy and a gossip is VERY rude. So I am not apologizing for my reaction! This is a lesson you must learn, my dear. May God bless you on your journey. 


Next-door adult living her life.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear weather,

I'd like to thank you for the drop in temperature...108 yesterday and 84 today..love ya. 

However, the clouds and rain..while appreciated..didn't help my mood today.

Can we have cool and sun?

Thanks!


----------



## mimosa

Dear R

When I got an email from you, it really surprised me. You said you missed me. But you have a funny way of showing it. For a long time I was hoping to be your friend. But along the way, I had to let go of that. So I do not know what to write back. I wish you the very best. 

Love, 

M


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear sister-in-law,

NOW I remember why we don't spend a lot of time together. There's less mania in a psychotic hummingbird.

You need to cut down on the caffeine, remember to use your indoor voice in restaurants and stop slapping people to get their attention. I don't care if you weigh 80 lbs. If you hit me again, I will knock you into next Tuesday. 

Additionally, I did not need to know the size of my brother's penis or how you two couldn't stay over cos you needed to get laid. I could have gone through an entire lifetime without the mental images. Save those gems for conversations with Grandma.

Love you tooooooooooooooooo,
E


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

CastingPearls said:


> Dear sister-in-law,
> 
> NOW I remember why we don't spend a lot of time together. There's less mania in a psychotic hummingbird.
> 
> You need to cut down on the caffeine, remember to use your indoor voice in restaurants and stop slapping people to get their attention. I don't care if you weigh 80 lbs. If you hit me again, I will knock you into next Tuesday.
> 
> Additionally, I did not need to know the size of my brother's penis or how you two couldn't stay over cos you needed to get laid. I could have gone through an entire lifetime without the mental images. Save those gems for conversations with Grandma.
> 
> Love you tooooooooooooooooo,
> E



Dear E,

Was it wrong of me to laugh about this? 

Totally innocent,
Moi


----------



## CastingPearls

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear E,
> 
> Was it wrong of me to laugh about this?
> 
> Totally innocent,
> Moi


Dear GEF,

Naaah. The Xanax and vodka are kicking in. Laugh your ass off.

Love,
Me


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear E,


You're a sweet lady that believes in sharing, right? 




Moi


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear GEF,

Everything except ma men.


E


----------



## TraciJo67

CastingPearls said:


> Dear GEF,
> 
> Everything except ma men.
> 
> 
> E


 
Oh, please. You would SO share your man


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Ex,
Still not buying the whole "i am concerned because you were in my life routine" and really care less that you can support yourself, and who and whats going on in your life. How that applies to me I don't know. 

Signed 
Me who is blessed to have lots of genuine friends who care.


----------



## CastingPearls

TraciJo67 said:


> Oh, please. You would SO share your man


Oh. Him. Caroline, send me your address posthaste, so FedEx can deliver a large bulky package.


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Rain,

By tomorrow morning you are going to be gone. And you will not be coming back until Monday at the earliest. Do I make myself clear? YES? Good, I'm glad we had this chat.

Festival go-er, volunteer and camper


----------



## littlefairywren

CastingPearls said:


> Oh. Him. Caroline, send me your address posthaste, so FedEx can deliver a large bulky package.



Hahahaha....you are such a sweetie, Elaine! I knew you were the sharing kind


----------



## TraciJo67

littlefairywren said:


> Hahahaha....you are such a sweetie, Elaine! I knew you were the sharing kind


 
No, the real evil is that she plans on shipping him COD.


----------



## mossystate

something in here smells really fishy





















shut up


----------



## TraciJo67

mossystate said:


> something in here smells really fishy
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> shut up


 
Shut your legs, Mossything. Problem solved.


----------



## mossystate

TraciJo67 said:


> Shut your legs, Mossything. Problem solved.



what part of shut up didn't you understand, vajojo...and, my stuff smells like corned beef hash


----------



## TraciJo67

mossystate said:


> what part of shut up didn't you understand, vajojo...and, my stuff smells like corned beef hash


 
Dear Mossy,
I think we need to start a "what does your junk smell like" thread.

Shut up.

Luv,
Moi


----------



## mossystate

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Mossy,
> I think we need to start a "what does your junk smell like" thread.
> 
> Shut up.
> 
> Luv,
> Moi



Dear VaJoJo, 

Well, here's the problem. Should it be placed here in the Lounge? Is it more of a Fat Sexuality kind of thing? If people have been cooking while naked, their junk might pick up the scent of whatever is going to be on the dinner table - so the Foodie board might be the logical choice? Decisions.

Make me.

Don't hate me because I have bacon for tonight's dinner, 
M


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Mossy,

Why don't you start a poll in Hyde Park and offer options like (but not limited to):

Filet o' Halibut
Tuna Surprise (SURPRISE)
Fisherman's Catch
Dumpster Madness
Salt and Vinegar Chips
Sweet n sour Pork

Jus' helping,
E


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear E,


I'm expecting donuts in that big box.

That is all.

Moi


----------



## CastingPearls

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear E,
> 
> 
> I'm expecting donuts in that big box.
> 
> That is all.
> 
> Moi


Dear GEF,

You will be bitterly disappointed 
How about a sympathy card to go with what I'm sending?

LOVE YEWWWWWW,
E


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Mossy, TraciJo, GEF, & Pearl (I wanna call you Lanie, can I call you Lanie?),

You all made me laugh very hard!. Thanks! 

Sincerely,

Giggling Me! :happy:

ps- oh...*and *you all are warped!  haha


----------



## CastingPearls

fat9276 said:


> Dear Mossy, TraciJo, GEF, & Pearl (I wanna call you Lanie, can I call you Lanie?),
> 
> You all made me laugh very hard!. Thanks!
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Giggling Me! :happy:
> 
> ps- oh...*and *you all are warped!  haha


Yes, my friends call me Lainey, so go right ahead. YVW.


----------



## wrestlingguy

Dear friends (and even a couple enem.....well, NOT friends),

I want to thank you for all your prayers and well wishes while I'm in the hospital, getting rid of these blood clots in my legs and lungs.

I am truly humbled by all the messages I received on Facebook, my blackberry, and my e-mail.
Yes, you made a tough man cry.

This community of people never ceases to amaze me. From my heart, thank you all.


----------



## Famouslastwords

CastingPearls said:


> Dear Mossy,
> 
> Why don't you start a poll in Hyde Park and offer options like (but not limited to):
> 
> Filet o' Halibut
> Tuna Surprise (SURPRISE)
> Fisherman's Catch
> Dumpster Madness
> Salt and Vinegar Chips
> Sweet n sour Pork
> 
> Jus' helping,
> E



Dear E,

I do not know how to start a poll, I know about the poll button but I do not know how to click options.

If there was a what does your junk look like button would all the girls answer beef curtains/roast beef sandwich? I dunno I haven't seen many vaginas and it's been awhile since I could see mine.

Also, you forgot cheese, which is what I know some men's junk smells like.

Yours in grossness,

FLW


----------



## mimosa

To you:

I feel awkward now. But I did NOT give you *that* vibe. I blame you! ( In the kindest way you can blame someone.) So why did you not tell me before....huh?????? Yeah I thought so. 


In kindness and friendship, 

M


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Clueless-

You know I have put up with a lot of bullshit from you. We've known one another for a very long time and I have excused a lot of the things that you've said and done to me out of "friendship." I realized now that you haven't really been a friend to me at all. I realize now that you used me to get what you wanted...and once you got it I didn't really matter anymore. OH yes, you are slick MF'er and know all the right words to say to a fat girl to get her attention. It sure worked on me. I looked at you with rose-colored glasses and liked what I saw. However--there comes a time when you have to take the rose-colored glasses off and see people for whom they really are. When I took my glasses off I saw a very selfish, insensitive, heartless, thoughtless, ego-centric person who has no clue as to how to truly be a friend to someone. I wish I had seen this a long time ago. I wish when people told me to "avoid him like the plague, cos he's one of THOSE guys"--that I would have listened to them. Do you know that one gal told me that you "lead women on, use them and wash his hands of them. He doesn't have any interest in being coupled with a woman in any other way than sexually for one night stands, he treats women like cattle and has no compassion towards them". I didn't listen to her but I should have cos she's right about you. I gave you the benefit of doubt and in the long run its me who gets to stand here holding the proverbial "bag" of bullshit that you've dumped on me--but that's fine cos I'll use industrial strength soap to get the stench of your friendship off of me.

You have lead me on, made me feel bad about myself, awkward, frustrated for wanting what I want, made fun of my family, teased me about not having a job (even though taking care of a sick loved one IS a full time job). And yes...I realize now that you've been leading me astray with the occasional compliments (just enough to make you sound interested) so that you could get your fat girl foodie fix. I feel exorbitantly naive and colossally stupid for not realizing that when you asked me what I had for dinner every night...was NOT your way of making good conversation. I wonder how many times when I told you what I had for dinner you had your hand on your dick? I am usually a great deal better at catching on to such things...
In the meanwhile I am giving you encouragement, moral support, talking you out of depression, telling you that life will be better someday and doing all the things that friends do for one another. I really am an idiot. 

I feel like complete and total ignoramus for not seeing you as you really are. I prided myself on being able to read the bullshit meter very well. I think my bullshit meter reader needs to be re-calibrated, cos you slipped by so effortlessly. Perhaps I just need to buy a new one so that this crap doesnt happen again. I hope that you don't wake up a lonely bitter old man (you are already more than 3/4 of the way there) one day and regret tossing aside all those wonderful people who gave you nothing but friendship and only expected the same in return. Cos I fear one day that you will. Best of luck.

Me


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear Lovelyone

Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone gets taken in once in a while. Now you see him for what he is you can move on.

Love Been there, done that.
xoxo


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

Dear Lovelyone,

I've been there. Try not beat yourself up about it, I know that's hard. He sounds like a sociopath. If you already haven't, I recommend cutting off all communication with him.

http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

Good luck,
Mizz


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

-------------------


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Ah Terri,

Taking off those rose-colored glasses and seeing some things fully for what there are can be a major bitch when also looking in the mirror no? DO NOT beat yourself up over this, hon. All of our B/S radars go on the fritz now and then and something nasty slips through. Now you know and have begun the process of picking-up and moving on. I know how frustrating and trite some of this probably sounds, but there's a reason these classic cliches exist, there is truth in them after all. 

Even the silly ones such as this...







and this...






Get one for yourself one (or both) of these and paste a picture of his face to it. Don't wish him any ill will, because no one wants that kind of karma coming back at them, Still, it really is amazing how much better "sticking it to 'im" can make you feel during one of those really bad emotional moments, when simple head logic fails. And unlike really driving a knife through a certain someone's (non-existent?) heart IT'S LEGAL!


----------



## HappyFA75

Dear Computer,

I love you so much.


----------



## Proner

Dear beard,

I decided to make a truce with you and let you grow a little. So enjoy it fully, I don't know do beard stuff except itching! If you do that my friend razor will come to get you 

Unshaven Proner


----------



## Linda

Dear Melodrama...

Go away. 

I know you love it when so-called friends plot and scheme.
I know you love it when a realtionship is stressed because of insigificant people.
I know you love it when feelings get hurt.
I know you love it when doubt and fear set in.

But I don't care...

Get lost will ya!

Sincerely,
Watching it all go down.


----------



## Aria Bombshell

Dear Boy,

I hate a hypocrite, and you're a huge freaking hypocrite. It's not in me to be mean to anyone, so I'll still treat you with kindness. However, I have lost any respect that I ever had for you.

Truthfully yours,
Aria


----------



## Lovelyone

OneWickedAngel said:


> Ah Terri,
> 
> Taking off those rose-colored glasses and seeing some things fully for what there are can be a major bitch when also looking in the mirror no? DO NOT beat yourself up over this, hon. All of our B/S radars go on the fritz now and then and something nasty slips through. Now you know and have begun the process of picking-up and moving on. I know how frustrating and trite some of this probably sounds, but there's a reason these classic cliches exist, there is truth in them after all.
> 
> Even the silly ones such as this...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> and this...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Get one for yourself one (or both) of these and paste a picture of his face to it. Don't wish him any ill will, because no one wants that kind of karma coming back at them, Still, it really is amazing how much better "sticking it to 'im" can make you feel during one of those really bad emotional moments, when simple head logic fails. And unlike really driving a knife through a certain someone's (non-existent?) heart IT'S LEGAL!


 
Does it make me crazy that I laughed at this? :bow:


----------



## Lovelyone

MizzSnakeBite said:


> Dear Lovelyone,
> 
> I've been there. Try not beat yourself up about it, I know that's hard. He sounds like a sociopath. If you already haven't, I recommend cutting off all communication with him.
> 
> http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html
> 
> Good luck,
> Mizz



Wow, Mizz--that link was very enlightening to me. I can't believe how many of those traits this person has (and that I didn't see them) Thank you for sharing.


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Lovelyone said:


> Does it make me crazy that I laughed at this? :bow:


Nope, it makes you human and I've done my job  !


----------



## HappyFA75

Lovelyone said:


> Does it make me crazy that I laughed at this? :bow:



http://thats-just-wrong.funnypart.com/

Spiked toilet paper.


----------



## MzDeeZyre

Linda said:


> Dear Melodrama...
> 
> Go away.
> 
> I know you love it when so-called friends plot and scheme.
> I know you love it when a realtionship is stressed because of insigificant people.
> I know you love it when feelings get hurt.
> I know you love it when doubt and fear set in.
> 
> But I don't care...
> 
> Get lost will ya!
> 
> Sincerely,
> Watching it all go down.



AMEN SISTA..........

Yo.... Drama.......GTFO!!!


----------



## littlefairywren

Linda said:


> Dear Melodrama...
> 
> Go away.
> 
> I know you love it when so-called friends plot and scheme.
> I know you love it when a realtionship is stressed because of insigificant people.
> I know you love it when feelings get hurt.
> I know you love it when doubt and fear set in.
> 
> But I don't care...
> 
> Get lost will ya!
> 
> Sincerely,
> Watching it all go down.



Dear Melodrama,

Leave my friend alone, because I have sharp teeth and I get a kick out of biting things lol. 

Love 
Kimberly


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

HappyFA75 said:


> http://thats-just-wrong.funnypart.com/
> 
> Spiked toilet paper.



I don't think that's spiked so much as it is a cheese grater. lol


----------



## OneWickedAngel

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I don't think that's spiked so much as it is a cheese grater. lol



Hush woman! Don't ruin it for him; he made a funny.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

OneWickedAngel said:


> Hush woman! Don't ruin it for him; he made a funny.


You know me -- always ruining other people's fun.


----------



## CastingPearls

Hey,

I thought romance was dead. Thank you for proving me wrong. This is the sweetest thing.

Love,
Miss Elaine


----------



## Lovelyone

Wow, 
Just Wow. 
Signed
Drama mama


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Pre-occupied crush,

Please stop tripping over yourself, and giving everything of yourself, for a manipulative little peice of jailbait who ALREADY HAS A BOYFRIEND. I don't care if she turns 18 on sunday. She's still younger than you need to be venturing right now. But don't worry. I'll win you over, you poor delusional man. Just stay yourself, and you'll be okay! 

Definitely,
Moi.


----------



## KendraLee

Dear sleep, 
I like you. Do you like me? Please check yes______or no ______. If yes would you like to go on a date with me really really soon.


----------



## gypsy

Dear Me:

Just wanted to let you know today that I love you and you're fabulous!

Love,


----------



## Mathias

Dear random person,

Thanks for noticing that I'm in a wheelchair then taking the time to hold open a door for me that leads to A GODDAMN FLIGHT OF STAIRS! 

Get fucked.

-Matt


----------



## mimosa

Dear Universe

I don't get how lost a friendship simply because I gave someone a compliment. 

signed, 

:doh:


----------



## AuntHen

Dear *I* (aka my Dad's wife),

Thank you so much for the birthday card and coffee-shop-gift-card in the mail! We have always shared a love for coffee and tea, so this is great! I appreciate your thoughtfulness (considering our "rocky" start years ago)...:happy:

With Love,

B

Dear Little Sister,

No! Just because I am a year older, does not mean I am on my way to becoming "multi-cat lady"!!!! Brat!

Love,

Your Older Sister


----------



## luscious_lulu

gypsy said:


> Dear Me:
> 
> Just wanted to let you know today that I love you and you're fabulous!
> 
> Love,



Dear gypsy, I love you too and you are fabulous!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Home,

Please stop soaking up the negative energy that floweth from the humans residing in it.

You used to be a place, that even when they argued, I found comfort in. Now all you are is a black pit of despair. Even when things are alright, there is a thickness of negativity, like living in a fishbowl of chocolate pudding. Sans the deliciousness. 

Sincerely,
One of your residents.


----------



## SuperMishe

Dear Tomorrow,

I really need you to be good to me, k?
Thx.


----------



## Saoirse

Dear Sexy Guitarist,

GET READY CAUSE IM COMIN FOR YA!!! Hahahahahaha I cant wait till tomorrow!

-fangirl who wants you inside her


----------



## Mathias

Dear, ________

Shut up. Shut up! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY! No one in choir class gives a rats ass about your "Pimp status" when all you did was show a cell phone picture with your arm around a girl. You also need to quit referring to girls who reject your sleazy advances as "bitches, sluts and whores" Real classy dude. And I hate how you complain about being the poorest kid on campus when you have:

-A new car
-A brand new Xbox 360 slim
-Brand new Macbook Pro
-Iphone 4
-An Ipad

You are seriously working my and everyone else's last nerve.

Quickly running out of patience,

-Matt


----------



## gypsy

luscious_lulu said:


> Dear gypsy, I love you too and you are fabulous!



Dear lulu:

YOU are MORE fabulous and I love you! 

Signed,

Take That


----------



## Saoirse

Saoirse said:


> Dear Sexy Guitarist,
> 
> GET READY CAUSE IM COMIN FOR YA!!! Hahahahahaha I cant wait till tomorrow!
> 
> -fangirl who wants you inside her




Dear Sexy Guitarist

So awesome to see you and chat for a bit... but next time we will be naked. I PROMISE. omfg you are so hot. :eat2:

-horny fangirl


----------



## luscious_lulu

gypsy said:


> Dear lulu:
> 
> YOU are MORE fabulous and I love you!
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Take That



:wubu:

..........


----------



## mimosa

Dear God and the Universe, 

It's hard for me to let go of something I want so badly and the timing is not right. I want to forget about it. I want to enjoy my life and the beautiful journey. I ask you to please bless my life in a different way then. I think I understand what you are getting at. Complete healing must take it's place first.

Thanks in advance,

NF


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Friday (only not so dear),

At work you completely sucked! Computer issues, crazy appeals, annoying obnoxious co-workers...why Friday whyyyy??!! I am glad you are almost over! Saturday is my new friend now. I do not want you anymore hmph 

Goodbye and get lost,

Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Life-
I am not Sisyphus. I am not Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day. I will not repeat my day over and over and do the same things over and over with no end in sight. The lesson I needed to learn has been understood. Please, bring me a new day, a new thing, a new outlook, and a new sense of self. 
I would greatly appreciate if you just leave the negativity, bad karma, toxic people and roadblocks at the door when you come in, too. 
Thanks bunches, 
Terri


----------



## mszwebs

Dear 36,

I will cut you.

Shut up.

Sincerely,

Jessica


----------



## Linda

Dear Inconsiderate Drunk-ass,

Was the phone call at 2:30am really necessary? 

Did you really just call to ask me why I didn't answer your call on Wednesday?

One you called while I was working. Two you called from an unknown number.

What made it worse was your insistance that you just knew I would be awake and that you could just drop on by.

Uhmmmm no.


Sincerely,
Heading to the coffee pot for a much needed pick-me-up.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Watergate Salad,

You are on of the most creamy, delicious things that I have eaten. :bow: :happy:

Happily yours,
Moi


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear GEF,

Try Watergate mousse. OMG!!!

Love,
CP


----------



## Mathias

Dear Migraine,

I hate you. Go DIAF so I can have some peace. :really sad:


-Matt


----------



## littlefairywren

Linda said:


> Dear Inconsiderate Drunk-ass,
> 
> Was the phone call at 2:30am really necessary?
> 
> Did you really just call to ask me why I didn't answer your call on Wednesday?
> 
> One you called while I was working. Two you called from an unknown number.
> 
> What made it worse was your insistance that you just knew I would be awake and that you could just drop on by.
> 
> Uhmmmm no.
> 
> 
> Sincerely,
> Heading to the coffee pot for a much needed pick-me-up.



Dear Linda,

I would SO bite that pecker head for you!

Love
Kimberly


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Sweetpea,

I Love you. Please don't talk about yourself so negatively.

All my hugs,
Moi.


----------



## Linda

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Linda,
> 
> I would SO bite that pecker head for you!
> 
> Love
> Kimberly





Dear Kimberly,

Have I told you how awesome you are lately?

You're the bestest.

Love, Me


----------



## Famouslastwords

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Linda,
> 
> I would SO bite that pecker head for you!
> 
> Love
> Kimberly



I bet you would bite that pecker head you dirty biatch


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

Dear a/c repair guy,

Get OFF your gd phone, and fix the a/c! Now!

Me

P.S. I really hate you right now.


----------



## Micara

Dear Zyrtec-D,

Please do your EFFING JOB. Your ENTIRE REASON FOR BEING. Quit fucking around. I need to breathe. It's important and stuff.

XOXO,
Me


----------



## mimosa

Dear Old Dude at public library,

You looked so comfy taking a little nap on that chair by the fire place. You were happily snoring and everything. I am so sorry for waking you up with my coughing. I have allergies and stuff. I hope you enjoyed your nap while it lasted. 

Good day, 

Lady with laptop


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear Guenevere, 

I think you are great, but did you really need to chew on the cord for my MacBook. I now have to replace it.

Love your mommy


----------



## CastingPearls

Baby,

Your future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.

Believe me?

Lainey


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear Netflix/Showtime DVD Distributors/Whoever,

WTF is up with putting only the season finale on the final disc of Dexter's 4th season?!?!!! This is the best season yet, and now I have to wait like 3 days for the next disc to come! GAH! Sadists!

Seriously.
A ravenous Dexter viewer.


----------



## Proner

Dear Kid,

I know I walk like a grandpa so it's not useful to make jokes of it. Remember I'm a librarian, the keeper of the holy fun books you like to read. So now I'm a nice keeper but I could become a nasty one like the Sphinx or Cerberus (I just have to manage to grow wings or two more heads ).

Not so nice librarian


----------



## Christov

Dear University campus;

Where the fat chicks at?

Ever lovin', Christov.


----------



## SMA413

Dear Tank-
I'm sorry I woke you up when I came home from work... but please stop barking and STFU so I can sleep and go back to work tonight.

Mommy loves you.
-Sammy

-----

Dear Netflix iPhone app-
I love you. You keep me sane when I'm about to go crazy at work. But please stop freezing up and closing out on me. I'm trying to get through 30 Rock Season 2.
Thanks a mil-
-Sam

-----

Dear crazy sister-
I cannot believe you actually married that guy after dating him for two months. From your lame facebook pics, your last minute wedding was pathetic. Your dress looked AWFUL and your makeup made you look like a cheap whore.

But whatever, as long as you're happy.
- Sam

P.S. I fear for the safety and well-being of your 2 month old daughter.


----------



## activistfatgirl

mcbeth said:


> Dear Netflix/Showtime DVD Distributors/Whoever,
> 
> WTF is up with putting only the season finale on the final disc of Dexter's 4th season?!?!!! This is the best season yet, and now I have to wait like 3 days for the next disc to come! GAH! Sadists!
> 
> Seriously.
> A ravenous Dexter viewer.



Oh, it's worth the wait. I get excited anytime I know someone is going to watch that episode for the first time. It's incredible.


----------



## mimosa

Dear Not so nice librarian, 

Yeah, you have can be firm with these little monsters sometimes. They have to respect you. DO not accept anything else. I wish I was there, I would be making these little brats apologize to you. You are a good person. You deserve it. 

Sending love and respect, 

Lady who would love to put a foot in their bratty butts. 





Proner said:


> Dear Kid,
> 
> I know I walk like a grandpa so it's not useful to make jokes of it. Remember I'm a librarian, the keeper of the holy fun books you like to read. So now I'm a nice keeper but I could become a nasty one like the Sphinx or Cerberus (I just have to manage to grow wings or two more heads ).
> 
> Not so nice librarian


----------



## mimosa

Christov said:


> Dear University campus;
> 
> Where the fat chicks at?
> 
> Ever lovin', Christov.



Dear Christov

They might be taking online college courses instead. Its fun to be in class while being in your underwear.  I hope you find a cute fat chick soon. 

The best of luck, 

Mimosa


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear John,

Dude, You Rock, I Miss ya! 

Sincerely,
Your Fluffy Freckled Friend. 


PS: I believe I'm still owed 1 flyer..._Juuuust Sayin_ !!!!!

------~------


Dear "Robin",

Your Awesome. I hope your staying safe over there in that sandy hell-hole, and I hope your packages arrive soon. :} Operation Giving Back is _Totally_ going to blow your guys's minds. Promise! 

Stay safe Cuz!, 
Cherry. 


---------~--------



Dear Lloyd,
Your too awesome, you should put that big brain of yours to work and develope some type of teleportation device. (Please see Star Trek for more details.) So that I can get my hands on you! 

Mwauahaha,
Moi.


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear Mr Fireman

Thanks for buying drinks tonight. Sadly, I may have to call in sick to work tomorrow.

Love teh drunken birthday girl


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear bratty kids who threw eggs at the air conditioner in my bedroom window-

The first time you did it I was not fast enough to catch you in the process. I once was a rebellious child too, so I knew that you would return. This time, I prayed for you...and showed the video that I took with my Ipod (while you were in the process when you returned the second time) to your mother. I look forward to watching you scrub the side of my house and shovel my driveway this winter. That will be sublime.


----------



## BriannaBombshell

Dear 7/11 clerk, 

Thank you for hitting on me in the weirdest way possible. Although you're not my type, i still found it flattering...

Dear FA's 

You make me feel vundevar!!! ( bad at spelling i know )

With love always 
Bri

:bow:


----------



## willowmoon

Lovelyone said:


> Dear bratty kids who threw eggs at the air conditioner in my bedroom window-
> 
> The first time you did it I was not fast enough to catch you in the process. I once was a rebellious child too, so I knew that you would return. This time, I prayed for you...and showed the video that I took with my Ipod (while you were in the process when you returned the second time) to your mother. I look forward to watching you scrub the side of my house and shovel my driveway this winter. That will be sublime.



Awesome -- I'm looking forward to a follow-up post on this one! EPIC!!!!


----------



## ValentineBBW

Lovelyone said:


> Dear bratty kids who threw eggs at the air conditioner in my bedroom window-
> 
> The first time you did it I was not fast enough to catch you in the process. I once was a rebellious child too, so I knew that you would return. This time, I prayed for you...and showed the video that I took with my Ipod (while you were in the process when you returned the second time) to your mother. I look forward to watching you scrub the side of my house and shovel my driveway this winter. That will be sublime.



I love this SO much.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

To My Favorite Geek,


Stay Out of My Dreams.
I don't care HOW Epic you are at pong. 
That's just..Wrong.

Kthnxbai
~ Megs.


----------



## Scorsese86

Dear Dims,

Sorry if I've acted like a jerk lately.
I've had some problems lately. Don't worry, I'll walk more carefully here as well.
You don't need to like me. Just don't hate me.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Ivan,

I will never ever hate you. Hugs.

Elaine


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear frank, 

Thank you for pulling my ass out of the fire and turning the packaging changes around in a ridiculously short period of time. 

You rock!

Love me


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear kind stranger,

You and your son made my day yesterday. It was so crappy to drive into the parking lot at the county fair only to drive over a tiny rod that somehow popped my front tire. But how amazing that you and your family parked right next to me, and then you asked what happened, and when I told you, you said that you and your son would quickly put on the spare for me. It was so kind of you - to delay getting into the fair, get dirty, kneel on the asphalt, change my tire...all for someone you don't even know.

Thank you for showing me genuine human kindness and generosity. It was lovely, and really made my heart glad. 

In gratitude,
Someone who was able to drive home on the spare you put on!


----------



## Proner

Dear hurry-aggressive-woman,

Now you know you don't have to mess with librarians even if they look nice and smile. Damn I could understand you were really busy and you couldn't give back the book at time but I can't stand aggressive tone. So yeah finally you lost lots of time and you had a bitter librarian in front of you instead of a nice one.
Don't forget that having librarian degree is also like having a bitterness and annoyingness degree (Annoyingness probably don't exist but you see what I mean lol).

Nice then bitter Proner


----------



## iglooboy55

you're a dickbag. nobody has the attention span to read 3 chapters of IT textbook in one night. nobody. if you didn't wear the same pair of birkenstocks i do then i might just cut ya.


----------



## Saoirse

dear sexy local musician-

YOU ARE SMOKIN HOT. I just saw your facebook and it says you're single and my age.

PUT IT IN ME.

-me and my vag


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Romain,

Bite me 


Sincerely,
The Incorrect Wine Drinker


----------



## Mishty

Dear Married Man,

Thank you for helping me see how unhealthy it all had become.
Have a good life, hope you miss me sometimes. 

-Misty


----------



## SMA413

Dear life-
Please stop sucking so much right now. It would be just AWESOME if everything for school, work, and relationships would just kinda come together on it's own and not cause me to bite my nails to nothing. I'm tired. I could use a break.
Thanks-
Samantha

P.S. I think this letter speaks on EVERYONES behalf. LOL

-----

Dear George-

*MOW THE FUCKING GRASS ALREADY!!! *

HOLY FUCKING SHIT BALLS JESUS H. CHRIST ON A MOTHER TRUCKING POGO-STICK!! I SWEAR IF ITS NOT CUT SOON I WILL BURN THE ENTIRE HOUSE DOWN AND USE YOUR XBOX AS KINDLING AND THEN I'LL SHATTER YOUR HALO:REACH AND USE IT AS FUCKING CONFETTI.

ok?



love you bunches...
- Samantha
:blush:

-----


----------



## Dmitra

Dear Road,

I may be on you sooner than I'd hoped, yay!

-M


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear mmmghghgfghrrrghaargghhh Spouse,

When you put the cap on the chimney and I asked you to make sure there was NOTHING in the chimney it would have been nice for you to LISTEN cos JOE said there's ANOTHER dead squirrel in there. Meanwhile I can't put the heat on until said squirrel is removed. THANKS!!!!! <grrrrrrrr> R.I.P Rocky II.

Done,
So Very Done.


----------



## JerseyGirl07093

mcbeth said:


> Dear kind stranger,
> 
> You and your son made my day yesterday. It was so crappy to drive into the parking lot at the county fair only to drive over a tiny rod that somehow popped my front tire. But how amazing that you and your family parked right next to me, and then you asked what happened, and when I told you, you said that you and your son would quickly put on the spare for me. It was so kind of you - to delay getting into the fair, get dirty, kneel on the asphalt, change my tire...all for someone you don't even know.
> 
> Thank you for showing me genuine human kindness and generosity. It was lovely, and really made my heart glad.
> 
> In gratitude,
> Someone who was able to drive home on the spare you put on!



Things like this make me still have faith in humanity. What a nice thing for them to do! :bow:


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear person who picked up the food order tonight...
When someone hands you a LIST...please read it. 
I wrote:
"Bacon double cheese burger, Chicken sandwich with extra mayo...large fries and a frosty"

I got a hamburger plain
a chicken sandwich with ONLY mayo,
a plain baked potato
and a small coke....WTF? 

Not only that, but EVERYTHING that you got me came off the value menu...so how do you explain giving me back $7 change from a $20??? Nice try MF'er...but Im not paying for your cigarettes today.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe,

Everyone deserves to be happy, so find him someone special and don't let him hurt too long.

Love
Kimberly


----------



## Proner

Dear me,

It would be great to get an umbrella, no? It's sometimes fun to get caught by the rain but you scared people who live in the same building coming back wet. So go buy an umbrella and everyone will be happy and dry 

Your Reason

Dear weather,

Please don't messed up and make rain fall tomorrow. I'm already sure that our soccer field is damn slippy and I don't to have my body constitute by 100% of water after the soccer's game.
Be nice please. Or you will receive some kick in the derriere!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Dims,

I'm leaving you for the weekend. 
Don't go doing anything crazy that will be the inside-joke for months to come, without me. Kthnx. 


I don't think I've actually gone a whole weekend without posting and at least lurking about your boards. I shall miss you.


Has good weekend!, 
Megan Ze Wench/Boy-Magnet


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Pain in my head-
Why must you hurt so much? Seriously, it feels like I have been hit in the head with a shovel. This is the third day in a row that you have intruded. Get the heck out...go find another place to roost, cos you ain't paying rent. GTFO!


----------



## Ample Pie

Dear Santa Claus,

I believe in you. 

Thank you,
Rebecca


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear Lauryn Hill,

Can you please release a new CD? Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy listening to _Miseducation_ very, very much. But I would really like to hear what's been going on in your creative mind over the past several years. You're awesome.

Thanks,
Your big fan (literally and figuratively)


----------



## Paquito

Dear mcbeth,

Have you heard her rendition of "A Change Gonna Come?" Incredible.

KICK ASS,
Another Lauryn Hill fan


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear paquito,

I have only ever heard the Sam Cooke version. (I LOVE it, however.) Where would I find Lauryn's version???? It's not popping up in iTunes. THANKS for the info!!!!

Sweet!
mcbeth


----------



## Paquito

Dear mcbeth awesomepants,

I have yet to find it on Itunes, so I have no idea how to add it to my Ipod 

Contemplating illegal downloading,
Sneaky Bitch


----------



## Micara

Dear Phlegm Creature sitting 2 rows behind me on the train:

Considering how you coughed and hacked and choked and sputtered like a rusty old engine for 4 hours straight tonight, I don't think you really need that cigarette you had tucked over your ear. You should really learn to Read The Signs.

Sincerely,
Driven to the Brink of Crazy


----------



## LovelyLiz

Paquito said:


> Dear mcbeth awesomepants,
> 
> I have yet to find it on Itunes, so I have no idea how to add it to my Ipod
> 
> Contemplating illegal downloading,
> Sneaky Bitch



THANK YOU!!!! Geez, amazing. I am in tears.


----------



## supersoup

dear boyfriend,

you are so good to me, and i hope you know how much i appreciate and love you for it. i try and tell you all the time, but i worry it isn't enough. you've done wonders for my faith in other people with the way you are so giving to so many people. it's second nature for you to be mr. fix-it, and i didn't realize how much i needed that when we started dating. thanks for taking me on as a fixer-upper, and i'm glad i've been just as good for you.

i love yer face off,
amanda

--------------------------------------------------------------

boston pigeons,

it makes me sad that so many of you are one legged, but i forget that sadness every time one of you little asswipes swoops so close to the top of my head. I HAVE NO FOODS FOR YOU. 

GOSH,
soup


----------



## Christov

Dear flatmate,

You're awesome, but man do you do disgusting stuff sometimes. That pasta was inedible to the max. What were you thinking? I hope winning £20 was worth potentially causing a revolt in your digestion system. 

Trying not to vomit, 

Christov.


----------



## Scorsese86

Dear 80s Sweden,

Why is this song still in my head..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTFec_mrD-c&feature=related

Get it out! It's two years my senior!


----------



## AuntHen

Dear SoyJoy,

I was so hoping you would be great... you were not... new formula..old formula... you are blah and have no joy! 

Signed,

Not Impressed


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Pete,

I miss you, and I don't know why we stopped talking, but the fact you've kept my two favourite Alan Rickman DVDs with no proposal to return them makes you an ARSE HOLE. You may look like Harry Potter and still make me smile six months after we stopped being friends, but you will _never _be more important to me than Alan.

Pass them onto one of our mutual friends without me having to ask, or face a really pissy Facebook message.

Yours,
Amy


----------



## Scorsese86

Dear Amazing Amy,

You look like Ellen Page.
A LOT!

Hilsen Ivan


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Hilsen,

You just made my mud mask crack with an involuntary grin.

Thank you!

Amy


----------



## AuntHen

AmazingAmy said:


> Dear Hilsen,
> 
> You just made my mud mask crack with an involuntary grin.
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> Amy




Dear Amy,

I too understand the love of Alan Rickman.. Helloooo Colonel Brandon! And you have such beautiful eyes sweetie! Welcome! :happy:

Sincerely,

Me


----------



## AmazingAmy

fat9276 said:


> Dear Amy,
> 
> I too understand the love of Alan Rickman.. Helloooo Colonel Brandon! And you have such beautiful eyes sweetie! Welcome! :happy:
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Me



Dear 'Me',

Thank you! You're the second person to make me grin tonight, but this time it wasn't so crackley and painful.

And I see you like French films? Gaspard Ulliel all the way, baby!

Him and Alan so need a scene together. :wubu:

Still grinning,
Amy


----------



## willowmoon

Dear Customer-Who-Is-Not-A-Customer,

If you say you want me to hold a particular computer for you at my shop, please don't change your mind three times on three separate occasions. Either you want the damn thing or you don't. I could have sold it to someone else previously but you swore up and down that you'd DEFINITELY be there to pick it up first. <grumble>

Sincerely,

Moi

Yep, I'm being a crank right now ...


----------



## Ample Pie

Dear Pasghetti,

I love you. I'm sorry I'm retarded a lot of the time. This wouldn't work if you didn't have the patience of a saint.

Love,
Meatball

---
Dear Fanfarlo song,

Seriously, stop being so addictive. I don't have enough of a butt to be dancing my butt off to you all the time.

Rebecca


----------



## MisticalMisty

willowmoon said:


> Dear Customer-Who-Is-Not-A-Customer,
> 
> If you say you want me to hold a particular computer for you at my shop, please don't change your mind three times on three separate occasions. Either you want the damn thing or you don't. I could have sold it to someone else previously but you swore up and down that you'd DEFINITELY be there to pick it up first. <grumble>
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Moi
> 
> Yep, I'm being a crank right now ...



Do you make them pay a percentage to put the item on hold? If not, I would! When someone has a non-refundable hold charge, they tend to follow through!


----------



## willowmoon

willowmoon said:


> Dear Customer-Who-Is-Not-A-Customer,
> 
> If you say you want me to hold a particular computer for you at my shop, please don't change your mind three times on three separate occasions. Either you want the damn thing or you don't. I could have sold it to someone else previously but you swore up and down that you'd DEFINITELY be there to pick it up first. <grumble>
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Moi
> 
> Yep, I'm being a crank right now ...





MisticalMisty said:


> Do you make them pay a percentage to put the item on hold? If not, I would! When someone has a non-refundable hold charge, they tend to follow through!



Well this person never set foot in the shop (at least not to my knowledge) -- this was all by way of the phone. And it's not a terribly expensive computer, it's an older one from the 80's, around 50 bucks. But yeah, maybe I might have to look at doing that in the future.


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear mumbling customers,

When you mumble short, irritable demands and I ask you to repeat yourself, don't look at me like _I'm_ the rude one. This goes in particular for the old toff bitch who claims that everything I do is 'unacceptable'.

Yours,
Dry Cleaning Minion


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Co-Workers & Boss,

Today was a nice day! It was great to laugh with you all a lot today... I like light days like this and I got a lot of cases closed easily! :happy:

Now! Bring on Friday!! Woot!

Me


----------



## Linda

Dear Pharmacy Tech At the grocery Store....

Why could you not figure out how to remove my ex husband from the account? We been divorced for over two years!! Just make me my very own shiny account and quit talking. I do not feel good, I can not breath, and your shiny white counter top will look mighty nice with vomit running across it if you don't hurry up.

Thank you and have a great day!

Me


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear Aero Bubbles,

You rock my world. :wubu:

Love fattie mcfatterson.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe,

So it's about next week. This is kind of a big deal, and I am nervous and all excited in one go. And if you stuff it up for me, I will be kind of pissy with you...know what I mean? Please, please make it as close to perfect as I want it to be.

Love 
Kimberly


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear Friday October First 2010,

First paycheck SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Please don't be ruined by my nervousness on the phones, lack of knowledge, lack of care, or tiredness.

KTHANKS

Love Always,

Rachel


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear ebay

I love you...

Thanks to you I was able to buy a charger for my camera for less than $6. Everywhere else it was $50.

signed, 

I need to stop losing stuff.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Stepmom,

No. Actually, I treat my friend _a lot better_ than I treat you.

Want my respect? Try _earning_ it. A new concept, I know.
But just because you are sleeping with my dad doesn't mean shit. I honestly _am_ biting my tongue as is right now. If you think this is bad, I'll be unrecognizable when the time comes.


Just so we're on the same page,
Megs.


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear October,

I MISSED YOU.

Love,
Amy

P.S. Could November hurry up now? I've missed Guy Fawkes Night too!


----------



## Emma

Dear Stoke on Trent. 

Please stop being sooooooooo damned boring now. 

Thank you. 

Em. 



Dear Blackberry, 

I think I <3 you. 

All my love

Your new owner.


----------



## Linda

Dear Karma,

Oh how I love thee.

Sincerely,

Me


----------



## Saoirse

Dear new mandolin:

I <3 U.

-me


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Noah,

We distinctly remember you saying you weren't leaving 'til 5PM. WTF?

Wetly,
The Unicorns.


----------



## Emma

Dear Dr Pepper, 

You mix very nicely with my vodka, perhaps TOO nicely. 

Yours. 

Edmfgma.


----------



## Christov

Dear CurvyEm,

Mix it with rum, it tastes like cappuccino if you get it right. 

Liver health is for squares, 

Christov.




Dear throat and chest raping illness,

Urghhhhhhhhhhhhfrghmrrrrrrggggggggg.

Go away,

Christov.


----------



## Emma

Christov said:


> Dear CurvyEm,
> 
> Mix it with rum, it tastes like cappuccino if you get it right.
> 
> Liver health is for squares,
> 
> Christov.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dear throat and chest raping illness,
> 
> Urghhhhhhhhhhhhfrghmrrrrrrggggggggg.
> 
> Go away,
> 
> Christov.



Dear Christov

Mix throat and chest raping illness with rum for better results. 

Love. 

Dr Em 'Beetles Make Good Doctors' Loweminski.


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Christov said:


> Dear CurvyEm,
> 
> Mix it with rum, it tastes like cappuccino if you get it right.
> 
> Liver health is for squares,



Dear Christov,

I'm going to a play tonight called Bye Bye Liver! I feel like you would be a great accompaniment to this evening. Get on a plane now, ok?! Either way I'll drink one (Hell more like 8) in your honor!

xoxo
Madison


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

Dear Awful Animal "Rescue" Owners,

Get off your asses and find those birds homes.  And wtf is wrong with you. Morons.



Pissed off,

Me


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Past Self,

I wish you'd finished reading _The Time Traveller's Wife_ before seeing the film. Might not have upset you so much otherwise.

Regretfully,
Amy


----------



## Bearsy

Thanks for letting me fall in love with you; and thanks for dropping me without warning just as I was getting comfortable with opening up to another human being. I appreciate that. Really makes life interesting.


----------



## Emma

AmazingAmy said:


> Dear Past Self,
> 
> I wish you'd finished reading _The Time Traveller's Wife_ before seeing the film. Might not have upset you so much otherwise.
> 
> Regretfully,
> Amy



Upset me too. Aparently the book was full of unlikeable characters so maybe I'd have cared less.


----------



## littlefairywren

MizzSnakeBite said:


> Dear Awful Animal "Rescue" Owners,
> 
> Get off your asses and find those birds homes.  And wtf is wrong with you. Morons.
> 
> 
> 
> Pissed off,
> 
> Me



Not the baby birdies, the ones we were talking about? You know you would make a good Bird Momma for them, Momma Bird :happy:



Bearsy said:


> Thanks for letting me fall in love with you; and thanks for dropping me without warning just as I was getting comfortable with opening up to another human being. I appreciate that. Really makes life interesting.



((((Bearsy))))


----------



## Emma

Dear you. 

I wish we could see if we could have been something. I'm sorry. 

From your local nostalgic drunken whore.


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

littlefairywren said:


> Not the baby birdies, the ones we were talking about? You know you would make a good Bird Momma for them, Momma Bird :happy:
> 
> Dear Chicklet,
> 
> Nopers. These are a BUNCH of birds in New Jersey. I've been making some toys for them the past few days. It's an awful situation, and the shelter owners are making it worse......and I think they might be out to make some money on the birds instead of trying to find them good homes.
> 
> A very sad,
> Momma Bird


----------



## Emma

Dear 70 minute ago self

stop drinking so much!! 

yours

girl who has just puked up blue drinks.


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Ugg boots,

Be patient. I'm coming.

Love,
Amy


----------



## littlefairywren

MizzSnakeBite said:


> littlefairywren said:
> 
> 
> 
> Not the baby birdies, the ones we were talking about? You know you would make a good Bird Momma for them, Momma Bird :happy:
> 
> Dear Chicklet,
> 
> Nopers. These are a BUNCH of birds in New Jersey. I've been making some toys for them the past few days. It's an awful situation, and the shelter owners are making it worse......and I think they might be out to make some money on the birds instead of trying to find them good homes.
> 
> A very sad,
> Momma Bird
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dear Momma Bird,
> 
> Sometimes people completely suck arse! Is it worth reporting? I hope the wee birdies find happy homes
> 
> Hugs from your,
> Chicklet
Click to expand...


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

littlefairywren said:


> MizzSnakeBite said:
> 
> 
> 
> Dear Momma Bird,
> 
> Sometimes people completely suck arse! Is it worth reporting? I hope the wee birdies find happy homes
> 
> Hugs from your,
> Chicklet
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dear Chicklet,
> 
> No, 'cause the "illegal" ones might euthanize if reported.
> 
> Tank ewe,
> Scrabbie's Momma
Click to expand...


----------



## Christov

Dear pizza,

You are for breakfast.

Om nom nom, 

Christov.


----------



## Mishty

Christov said:


> Dear pizza,
> 
> You are for breakfast.
> 
> Om nom nom,
> 
> Christov.



Cold pizza is the worlds best hangover fix.....


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear universe, 

Please send me a cute, sweet guy who adores me.

Kthxbi!


----------



## CastingPearls

Mishty said:


> Cold pizza is the worlds best hangover fix.....


That would be cold fried or baked chicken to me. I have stumbled around the house in my underwear with a chicken leg hanging out of my mouth looking for the remote that I'm holding in my hand, more times than I care to admit.


----------



## Emma

Dear Self, 

Why are you listening to 'do the bart man'?

Love 

Me. 

P.S Yo, whats happening dude?


----------



## Mishty

CastingPearls said:


> That would be cold fried or baked chicken to me. I have stumbled around the house in my underwear with a chicken leg hanging out of my mouth looking for the remote that I'm holding in my hand, more times than I care to admit.



That visual image gave me a massive boner.... :blush:


----------



## Famouslastwords

CastingPearls said:


> That would be cold fried or baked chicken to me. I have stumbled around the house in my underwear with a chicken leg hanging out of my mouth looking for the remote that I'm holding in my hand, more times than I care to admit.



Well yeah, but was your hair sticking up in odd positions?


----------



## CastingPearls

Famouslastwords said:


> Well yeah, but was your hair sticking up in odd positions?


I swear I thought it was hair gel.....


----------



## littlefairywren

CastingPearls said:


> I swear I thought it was hair gel.....



LOL!! Brilliant


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe,

I know I put him there, but help him let go. I hate seeing his hurt. And for goodness sake, please do it quickly!

Love
Kiimberly


----------



## Proner

Dear Bro,

Thanks for coming and brigthen my day. You rocks :happy:

Brother Dan


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Weather,

Please don't rain tomorrow! Knowing Adam, I'll be doing a lot of trasping around the streets.

Love,
Amy


----------



## Mishty

Dear -Modern Rock Originals Singer-, aka Crush McCrushy

I am trying very hard to remain aloof, but you sang all my request, rode with me, toked with me, ate late night Subway with me, and even left me a dreaded FB comment on the one thing only you could understand(I secretly hoped you wouldn't so I would see you as shallow). Now what? I don't want to like you, or your stupid knowledge of all things Waits. 

-Just a girl fan


P.S. I ate your cookies when you were tuning the banjo. :blush:


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Planters Mixed Nuts,

How dare you not have any pecans in the mix!!! I was so looking forward to eating them 1st! Less than 50% peanuts my a**! 

Signed,

Pecanless and Pissed


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Pecanless and Pissed,

I agree! Life means less, without the right nuts in your mouth 

Love
Fellow Nut Muncher


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Fellow Nut Muncher,

This thread is suddenly missing GEF! hahahaha 

Love,

Me


----------



## shinyapple

fat9276 said:


> Dear Planters Mixed Nuts,
> 
> How dare you not have any pecans in the mix!!! I was so looking forward to eating them 1st! Less than 50% peanuts my a**!
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Pecanless and Pissed



Get the deluxe mixed nuts. Someone brought them to me last night and not only is it peanutless, but it's full of pecans and cashews. Way too many almonds for my taste and I'd love more macadamias...but still a better option!


----------



## Famouslastwords

shinyapple said:


> Get the deluxe mixed nuts. Someone brought them to me last night and not only is it peanutless, but it's full of pecans and cashews. Way too many almonds for my taste and I'd love more macadamias...but still a better option!



Dear Shinyapple,

Just the right knowledge at just the right time, you astound me my young friend.

-FLW

P.S. Good to know.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Ego, 

I'm sorry you got crushed today. 
We'll work on building you back up, promise!

Always,
Self.






~



Dear Darling Friends Of Mine,
I understand it's like _nothing_ for you guys to hike 5 or 10 miles. Your not lugging around 360lbs. But at least _try_ to seem like you know what it's like? 

PS: Yeah, I slowed the hell down when I fell in that hole. Next time maybe your boyfriend should make up his damn mind which way is the right path, or ..gee... I don't know.. GO IN THE DAYTIME?! 

Sincerely,
Fatty with the hurt ankle. [AKA- Slowbro, AKA- "Tonberry" ]


----------



## AmazingAmy

(Skinny friend who don't know how much it can physically _hurt _to do 'regular' things bring me down too, YPP. )


Dear Weather,

Thank you for not raining like I asked; and thank you even more for being beautifully sunny with a chill wind - my favourite.

Love,
Amy


Dear Evans,

Just have the coat I want for _once_, please?

Not going to ask nicely again,
Amy


----------



## MzDeeZyre

Dear Random Creepers:

When you message me here on Dimensions or at other sites, and I reply back to you letting you know that I am not interested. Please stop messaging me.Don't message me back telling me how great of a guy you are. Don't beg me to send you photos. Don't try to add me via Facebook, Twitter or anything else. What part of I am not interested do you not understand..... UGH!

Thanks,

Me


----------



## CastingPearls

MzDeeZyre said:


> Dear Random Creepers:
> 
> When you message me here on Dimensions or at other sites, and I reply back to you letting you know that I am not interested. Please stop messaging me.Don't message me back telling me how great of a guy you are. Don't beg me to send you photos. Don't try to add me via Facebook, Twitter or anything else. What part of I am not interested do you not understand..... UGH!
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> Me (and CastingPearls too)



FTFY :bow: :bow: :bow:


----------



## MisticalMisty

fat9276 said:


> Dear Planters Mixed Nuts,
> 
> How dare you not have any pecans in the mix!!! I was so looking forward to eating them 1st! Less than 50% peanuts my a**!
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Pecanless and Pissed



Dear Pecanless and Pissed,

Get thee to Sams. They have Planters Deluxe Mixed Nuts...NO PEANUTS. Just yummy cashews, pecans, almonds, hazel nuts and Brazil Nuts. I go through 2 containers a week!

Signed,

Nuts about Nuts


----------



## Christov

Dear libido,

Stop playing up. I should be a sensible gentlemen, not a lusty fiend of the night.

Keeping it in his pants, 

Christov.


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Woman,

I cannot believe you're so old yet so fucking immature.

The facepalming _actually _hurts.

Had enough,
Amy

PS: :doh:


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Very Cute and Determined *Turtle*,

You did it! You made it over another bump in the road!! Yay!! You are awesome... but still be gentle and careful with yourself, OK??!! 

Loop hole! :blush:

:kiss2::kiss2:

~B~


----------



## Emma

Dear Hugo. 

Please stop being so cute and stealing the middle of the bed and maybe when I wake up I won't have backache. 

Love Mummy!


----------



## Famouslastwords

CurvyEm said:


> Dear Hugo.
> 
> Please stop being so cute and stealing the middle of the bed and maybe when I wake up I won't have backache.
> 
> Love Mummy!



Em,
My cat does this. Except he does it on both sides of me, sometimes he pushes me to the middle and I have to lay on my side which is so uncomfortable....and when he's in the middle it's less bad. I need a bigger bed, and a bigger apartment for my bigger bed. Why can't I just win the lottery?

Love,

The woman who loves her cats a little too much.


----------



## Emma

Famouslastwords said:


> Em,
> My cat does this. Except he does it on both sides of me, sometimes he pushes me to the middle and I have to lay on my side which is so uncomfortable....and when he's in the middle it's less bad. I need a bigger bed, and a bigger apartment for my bigger bed. Why can't I just win the lottery?
> 
> Love,
> 
> The woman who loves her cats a little too much.



Dear flw, 

I often wonder why we don't just move them or shoo them off the bed? lol It never crosses my mind at nighttime. lol 

Love

Mum of 6. lol


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Adam,

You'll do _great _in your interview today, I'm sure of it; but even if you don't, you'll have a surprise from me when you come out!

Love,
Amy


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Mother,

Stop slamming doors, you petulant old bitch. I don't care what imagined slight dad gave you for you to think you can create such a storm in such a tiny house, but I really can't keep giving a shit about your abused feelings. Every tantrum you have is just another reason in my head not to look after you when you're older.

"Love",
The daughter who is learning from your mistakes


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe,

I'm confused, and I don't like it. Stop it!

Love
Kimberly


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

Dear Amy,

I love your above letter. I could've written it, minus the "dad" part, but the sentiment would be the same. :blush: <~~~~~~~~~~~~ but not really blushing about it. 

Sincerely, 
Mizz


----------



## Linda

Dear Gas Pumper,

Do you have to spend ten minutes banging the pump to get the exact coinage you want to spend? I mean I can totally understand if you do that with everything and your checking account is always on whatever dollar amount dot 00. But come on!!! Why be this anal at the gas pump wher your going to go inside the store and spend some odd amount on something to snack on. The "Bang! Bang! Bang!" at the pump to ease into the amount is f'ing annoying!!!:doh:

Sincerely,
Fellow Pumper


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Mishty,

You make me laugh so hard that I am thankful I am by myself and it can't be heard by anyone else. I have a horrible horrible laugh sound and look when I am caught off guard and just totally guffaw!  You need your own TV show or something...

Still laughing,

Me


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Mother,

Buying me a coat, sweet n' sour chicken and Ben & Jerry's ice cream has redeemed you somewhat.

Please cheer up, and stop taking little things to heart. *Hugs*

Love,
Amy


----------



## Famouslastwords

Linda said:


> Dear Gas Pumper,
> 
> Do you have to spend ten minutes banging the pump to get the exact coinage you want to spend? I mean I can totally understand if you do that with everything and your checking account is always on whatever dollar amount dot 00. But come on!!! Why be this anal at the gas pump wher your going to go inside the store and spend some odd amount on something to snack on. The "Bang! Bang! Bang!" at the pump to ease into the amount is f'ing annoying!!!:doh:
> 
> Sincerely,
> Fellow Pumper



Dear Fellow Pumper,

You have a point, but you have to cut it off somewhere and if you can't get a full tank you might as well get a certain amount. Plus, some people are poor folks and only have that $5, $10, or $20 to spare. I personally don't mind if I end up with like 20.01 or $15.01 or some odd number close to the amount but the pump pumps so fast these days if you don't cut it off and ease into the amount you could easily go over what you wanted to spend.

Sorry you don't like it but I'm still going to do it!

Signed,

Miss gas pumper pumper.


----------



## Linda

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear Fellow Pumper,
> 
> You have a point, but you have to cut it off somewhere and if you can't get a full tank you might as well get a certain amount. Plus, some people are poor folks and only have that $5, $10, or $20 to spare. I personally don't mind if I end up with like 20.01 or $15.01 or some odd number close to the amount but the pump pumps so fast these days if you don't cut it off and ease into the amount you could easily go over what you wanted to spend.
> 
> Sorry you don't like it but I'm still going to do it!
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Miss gas pumper pumper.



Dear Miss Gas Pumper Pumper Pumper....

Thanks for the chuckle. 

Sincerely,

Not as annoyed as I was earlier. lol


----------



## Mathias

Dear Cold,

I'm miserable! Leave me alone! 

-Matt


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear Geek Squad Member at Best Buy,

Based on my preferences that I didn't know existed, you are one of the best looking guys I have ever seen ever. Seriously. Plus, based on our interaction you are clearly very smart, competent, and very attentive. When you asked me about where I was going to school, and made some small talk, I figured that's just courtesy, but a tiny bit of me wanted to believe you were flirting. 

The fact that my laptop had to be shipped off for 2 weeks, and then came back damaged, so is now shipped off for who knows how long again, is really really annoying. But getting the chance to run into you again makes the annoyance a little bit less.

See you soon,
The fat girl with the overheating laptop


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Gas Station Two Houses Down,

You should stay open until midnight, so that I may buy things from you after my little brother goes to bed at 11pm. 


Just Sayin' ... 


Sincerely,
Your Neighbor that loves the Chocolate Bars and Soda Pop!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear gas station pumpers
If you pre-pay for your exact amount, it will shut off automatically and you wont have to clickety click click click the pump nozzle.


----------



## Mishty

fat9276 said:


> You need your own TV show or something



Aw, thanks dude. :blush:



Dear You,

You really should think about changing meds, I'd hate for you to scare off that new boyfriend of yours. :batting:

Thanks,

Mishty


P.S. I am a SO cuter than you. just sayin'


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Boss,

I'm sorry I've been so hard on you lately. You're a nice lady, but I've just had some issues trusting you to help me when I have a problem, and whether or not you were even going to pay me. You have now, and my hourly rate is even higher than I assumed it was going to be, so thank you for not treating me like I only deserve the bare minimum. I'm going to be more enthusiastic about my job from now on.

Sincerely and thanks,
Amy


----------



## pdgujer148

Dear CEO:

HONESTLY? You just stood up in front of 70 people and stated that your goal for Q4 was to ensure that there were zero accidents (just like the past 20 quarters). 

Aside from how this would be accomplished from 30,000 feet, I am beginning to understand that my my failure to achieve six-figure status is proportional to my capacity for self-delusion.

Smoke them $100 bills if you have 'em.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Cousin,

I'm sorry your hurting so bad, I wish I lived closer to chicago and was your 'type' to hang out with, because I think all you really need is a good friend. 

I hope the time you spend in the hospital helps you, because I don't want to lose such a beautiful young woman. No matter how awful you feel, tomorrow is only a sleep away. What did you think the pills were going to do? I can assure you, they won't make everything better. I know sometimes, it feels like that, like all you want to do is sleep forever, to not exist anymore.. But honey, that's just not how things work. 

Always Here,
Your Far-away cousin.


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Beautiful Geek,

I'm really sorry if i've upset you in some way with my text last night. I know you think the same, but i'm worried i shouldn't have said it. Please text me so i know one way or the other if things are ok between us.

<3 the girl who really likes you a lot but thinks she might have accidently ruined it but isnt sure


----------



## AuntHen

Gingembre said:


> Dear Beautiful Geek,
> 
> I'm really sorry if i've upset you in some way with my text last night. I know you think the same, but i'm worried i shouldn't have said it. Please text me so i know one way or the other if things are ok between us.
> 
> <3 the girl who really likes you a lot but thinks she might have accidently ruined it but isnt sure




I hope the best for you Gingembre... wondering and waiting sucks!!!


----------



## willowmoon

Gingembre said:


> Dear Beautiful Geek,
> 
> I'm really sorry if i've upset you in some way with my text last night. I know you think the same, but i'm worried i shouldn't have said it. Please text me so i know one way or the other if things are ok between us.
> 
> <3 the girl who really likes you a lot but thinks she might have accidently ruined it but isnt sure



Hope things work out ok on this for you <fingers crossed>


----------



## archivaltype

Dear boyfriend,

Seriously, you are the best :wubu: It was enough that you listened to me blubber on about how my computer stopped working at 3AM when I have a huge project due the next day, but you brought yours over and even some goodies. You are the sweetest person ever.
<3 me


----------



## Linda

Gingembre said:


> Dear Beautiful Geek,
> 
> I'm really sorry if i've upset you in some way with my text last night. I know you think the same, but i'm worried i shouldn't have said it. Please text me so i know one way or the other if things are ok between us.
> 
> <3 the girl who really likes you a lot but thinks she might have accidently ruined it but isnt sure





I hate the waiting period. Not knowing. Wonderign if you should text again, keep explaining. Be patient and keep the crazy that is in all of us calm.  Hope it all works out.


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear K, 

You can't deny we have incredible chemistry that blew us both away. 

However, telling me I am perfect, that I'm everything you're looking for, that I'm your "dream girl" and then telling me you can't see me anymore is pretty pathetic. At some point, you're going to have to stop living in the shadows of your divorce and move on - it's been three years. I'm not the enemy and I'm pretty sure you're walking away from something amazing. Such a waste.

That said, I wish you'd stop texting me after telling me you don't want to see me anymore. You're screwing with my head and my heart and I don't know which way is up anymore. Either take the leap with me or let me go. 

Signed, 

The One You're Letting Get Away


----------



## CastingPearls

JoyJoy said:


> Dear K,
> 
> You can't deny we have incredible chemistry that blew us both away.
> 
> However, telling me I am perfect, that I'm everything you're looking for, that I'm your "dream girl" and then telling me you can't see me anymore is pretty pathetic. At some point, you're going to have to stop living in the shadows of your divorce and move on - it's been three years. I'm not the enemy and I'm pretty sure you're walking away from something amazing. Such a waste.
> 
> That said, I wish you'd stop texting me after telling me you don't want to see me anymore. You're screwing with my head and my heart and I don't know which way is up anymore. Either take the leap with me or let me go.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> The One You're Letting Get Away


(((((hugs))))) *sigh*


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear Alex,

Please stop getting into stuff! I am now a hideous greenish black color all over my fingers after trying to clean up your marker happy hands and arms. Why do you think your body is the best thing to color on? I guess it's better than the wall but now your arms and hands look like you had some serious injury on them. Oh and could you stop getting into the video cabinet. I'm tired of picking up tapes.. i'm so ready to freecyle the whole lot so you can't get into them!!

Your frustrated mom,
Megan


----------



## Dmitra

Gingembre said:


> Dear Beautiful Geek,
> 
> I'm really sorry if i've upset you in some way with my text last night. I know you think the same, but i'm worried i shouldn't have said it. Please text me so i know one way or the other if things are ok between us.
> 
> <3 the girl who really likes you a lot but thinks she might have accidently ruined it but isnt sure



Dear Gingembre,

I know you like this geek, and I hope, hope, hope things go well, but I just have to think if a guy is so easily scared off by a text (or call or love you or whichever) is he worth being bummed about if he didn't call back? You are an astonishingly lovely, funny (hey, I remember that ginger beard photo), bubbly sort of gal from what I gather and deserve, yes Deserve, someone who can hear love or the occasional overshare without wilting like a dried out violet.

Sincerely,
M


----------



## littlefairywren

JoyJoy said:


> Dear K,
> 
> You can't deny we have incredible chemistry that blew us both away.
> 
> However, telling me I am perfect, that I'm everything you're looking for, that I'm your "dream girl" and then telling me you can't see me anymore is pretty pathetic. At some point, you're going to have to stop living in the shadows of your divorce and move on - it's been three years. I'm not the enemy and I'm pretty sure you're walking away from something amazing. Such a waste.
> 
> That said, I wish you'd stop texting me after telling me you don't want to see me anymore. You're screwing with my head and my heart and I don't know which way is up anymore. Either take the leap with me or let me go.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> The One You're Letting Get Away



Soft hugs, JoyJoy.


----------



## JoyJoy

CastingPearls said:


> (((((hugs))))) *sigh*





littlefairywren said:


> Soft hugs, JoyJoy.



Thank you, ladies! ) Much appreciated.


----------



## willowmoon

JoyJoy said:


> Dear K,
> 
> You can't deny we have incredible chemistry that blew us both away.
> 
> However, telling me I am perfect, that I'm everything you're looking for, that I'm your "dream girl" and then telling me you can't see me anymore is pretty pathetic. At some point, you're going to have to stop living in the shadows of your divorce and move on - it's been three years. I'm not the enemy and I'm pretty sure you're walking away from something amazing. Such a waste.
> 
> That said, I wish you'd stop texting me after telling me you don't want to see me anymore. You're screwing with my head and my heart and I don't know which way is up anymore. Either take the leap with me or let me go.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> The One You're Letting Get Away



Wow, this is all too familiar a situation I had with a girl many, many moons ago. Sending you hugs as well, JoyJoy.


----------



## Christov

Dear Indian food,

I love you, but I underestimated the level of spice in that Chicken Vindaloo, and now I feel like I'm being punched in the mouth and stomach by my dinner.

Always the dinnertime masochist,

Christov.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Annoying Co-Worker,

Please stop smacking and popping your gum all day long at your desk!! What are you 12??!! It is gross! Also very unprofessional considering YOUR position and job title. Have some consideration for the people around you! 

Sincerely,

Annoyed

ps- also since you chew so much gum, why don't YOU buy your own! Quit mooching off of everyone for it (and everything else for that matter, I mean do you ever have your OWN change??!!)!:doh:


----------



## Gingembre

fat9276 said:


> I hope the best for you Gingembre... wondering and waiting sucks!!!





willowmoon said:


> Hope things work out ok on this for you <fingers crossed>





Linda said:


> I hate the waiting period. Not knowing. Wonderign if you should text again, keep explaining. Be patient and keep the crazy that is in all of us calm.  Hope it all works out.



Thanks y'all. I'm still waiting...wondering at which point it becomes obvious that contact has been terminated? I HATE it when guys go silent on me and that is what ALWAYS happens to me, with one exception. If i've upset you or pissed you off, or you've found someone you like better, or you're just bored of me, fucking TELL me. Arrrrghhhhhhhhh.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Clindamycin,

I hate you with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.

Not your friend,
Cranky


----------



## Gingembre

Dmitra said:


> Dear Gingembre,
> 
> I know you like this geek, and I hope, hope, hope things go well, but I just have to think if a guy is so easily scared off by a text (or call or love you or whichever) is he worth being bummed about if he didn't call back? You are an astonishingly lovely, funny (hey, I remember that ginger beard photo), bubbly sort of gal from what I gather and deserve, yes Deserve, someone who can hear love or the occasional overshare without wilting like a dried out violet.
> 
> Sincerely,
> M



Dmitra - your comments just made me cry a bit. What lovely things to say, thank you so much! :blush:

I didn't even do anything to scare him off (IMO) - i just confirmed (in a text, after telling him how much i enjoy his company) that, as suggested earlier that evening (in person), it'd be good to do something together on a saturday afternoon when we're not tired after work and pressed for time*, mainly because there is a difference between how comfortable we are communicating on the phone/text compared to how we are in person. Which there is...we get on well facetoface, but every date (we were only 5 in) is like a first date (understandable when we can only see each other every 10-14 days) whereas over the phone/text there is banter and flirting aplenty. I said in the text that it wasnt a criticism but just an observation that applied to both of us (i'm acutely aware that i'm a lot shyer/more awkward in person - i didnt write that bit tho!) so i'm not sure why the silence. It has only been a week, but he used to apologise when i hadnt heard from him after 2 days so something is up.

I dont get it - i didnt say anything that he wouldnt have been aware of anyway. I may have touched a nerve but i wasnt mean or anything, and only last week he told me he wanted to be more than a best friend, after i called him a diamond. I just wish i'd kept my trap shut, coz i really really liked this one and now i don't know what i've done, if anything. I will never understand men EVER. 


* He lives in London, i live about 60 miles away and have 2 jobs so time is scarce!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear J-
Why yes, a trip to Chicago is indeed a good idea. See you Monday!


----------



## Donna

Dear Old Lady in the Target Parking Lot;

I knew your vehicle looked familiar when I pulled into my parking space. We went through this in June when you left your dog locked in your parked vehicle. You got a ticket that time. You called me a fat bitch that day, too. Fat bitch all you got, eh? This time I not only called the police, I also called my friends who work for the Pinellas SPCA. The SPCA has your dog and you might not get him back, even after your court date. This is your second offense (maybe...who knows really if you do this all the time or not. I wish I knew what the judge gave you for the incident in June.) Normally it would distress me to know that a dog is not with his person, but you clearly do not deserve to share your life with a dog if you continually disregard his well being. I found it very telling that the dog clung to the SPCA Rep even as you called for him.

So yeah, I am a fat bitch. A fat bitch who knows not to leave my dogs in a parked car. 

Signed, 
The Fat Bitch


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Dad,

I'm sorry I've been such a crazy bitch lately. I really don't know what's going on, so when I say that I don't know, It's not me trying to excuse horrific behavior. It's me asking for help. You sitting there, telling me "Well you need to figure it out" isn't doing a whole lot of good, unless your trying to add to my stress and guilt. 

I* hate *how I'm acting, and I don't think you don't understand. It's like you think that I'm _trying_ or like I'm _enjoying_ being mean and snarly. No, I'd honestly prefer to be mute right about now. That way, I wouldn't hurt anyone, especially you. 

Sincerely,
Twenty-Going-On-Seven
PS:
When you compare me to my brother, you might as well just stab me. Infact, I'm pretty sure I'd prefer the latter. 

----------------------------------------------------



Dear Local Library,

You ROCK for renting out videogames! 
Keep 'em coming! 

Sincerely,
One of the many local gamers


----------



## BrownEyedChica

Dear Mexican Lasagna..

Please come out good tonight.. I have to take you to work tomorrow for lunch..


Thank you..
Very hungry Eli


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Little Girl Next Door,

Thanks for wanting to be friends with my brother. 
It's SO nice to see him playing with someone his own age, who's real. 

Sincerely,
Megan-The-One-In-Black


----------



## CastingPearls

CastingPearls said:


> Dear Clindamycin,
> 
> I hate you with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.
> 
> Not your friend,
> Cranky


UPDATE:

YOU SUCK YOU REALLY SUCK.
I hate you. <whimper>


Not talking to you anymore.


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear boss,

I take back what I said in my last letter. Giving me a cheque that was never going to clear IS NOT COOL. Now I have to wait another _fucking _week.

Your pissed off employee,
Amy


----------



## Emma

AmazingAmy said:


> Dear boss,
> 
> I take back what I said in my last letter. Giving me a cheque that was never going to clear IS NOT COOL. Now I have to wait another _fucking _week.
> 
> Your pissed off employee,
> Amy



Oh my God. What a bitch!


----------



## willowmoon

AmazingAmy said:


> Dear boss,
> 
> I take back what I said in my last letter. Giving me a cheque that was never going to clear IS NOT COOL. Now I have to wait another _fucking _week.
> 
> Your pissed off employee,
> Amy



Wait .... you're going to continue working there?


----------



## AmazingAmy

willowmoon said:


> Wait .... you're going to continue working there?



She used an old cheque book she'd forgot to throw out, only realising her mistake after I'd left to go to the bank (though couldn't be arsed to ring me and call me back to the shop!)... it was an honest mistake, but it's one of many, many irrisponsible things she keeps doing. Today a desk draw full of junk nearly crushed my foot because she won't buy a new counter to replace the broken one, and I was burned by the iron because she won't repair the leaks and frayed pipes... I know I have the power to walk away from this job, but it was the only one in months of searching that even got in touch with me. In a twisted way, I'm lucky to have it.

I know that it's my choice to work there and that I should suck it up, but I just need to gripe sometimes...


----------



## willowmoon

AmazingAmy said:


> She used an old cheque book she'd forgot to throw out, only realising her mistake after I'd left to go to the bank (though couldn't be arsed to ring me and call me back to the shop!)... it was an honest mistake, but it's one of many, many irrisponsible things she keeps doing. Today a desk draw full of junk nearly crushed my foot because she won't buy a new counter to replace the broken one, and I was burned by the iron because she won't repair the leaks and frayed pipes... I know I have the power to walk away from this job, but it was the only one in months of searching that even got in touch with me. In a twisted way, I'm lucky to have it.
> 
> I know that it's my choice to work there and that I should suck it up, but I just need to gripe sometimes...



Totally understand, the job market sucks out here as well, as many will attest to this. In this economy, I think people in general are grateful just to actually HAVE a job. 

Still though ..... I'm sure you're like GRRRRRRRRRRRR ......


----------



## AmazingAmy

willowmoon said:


> Totally understand, the job market sucks out here as well, as many will attest to this. In this economy, I think people in general are grateful just to actually HAVE a job.
> 
> Still though ..... I'm sure you're like GRRRRRRRRRRRR ......



Ah, totally - who really has a choice right now? So many people, not enough vacancies. You really have to be grateful for the most menial labour!

I'm trying to remind myself that life is what I make of it, but fuck that, I need a night off lol.


----------



## willowmoon

AmazingAmy said:


> Ah, totally - who really has a choice right now? So many people, not enough vacancies. You really have to be grateful for the most menial labour!
> 
> I'm trying to remind myself that life is what I make of it, but fuck that, I need a night off lol.



Hey if anything, tonight you should call in <cough cough> sick. 

You can choose from the following unused excuses that are rollovers from my rolodex back when I was working for "the man."

A: Chronic Wasting Disease
B: Asian Flu
C: Dutch Elm Disease (hey it only pertains to trees, but hopefully your boss is kinda naive)

Keep me posted. 

P.S. I gotta say it's cool seeing the U.K. spelling for words like "labour" and "cheque" -- I remember when I moved from the U.K. to the States and getting docked for spelling words "incorrectly" according to my teachers. I'd argue over it with them but it was a losing battle, so ..... yeah.


----------



## AmazingAmy

willowmoon said:


> Hey if anything, tonight you should call in <cough cough> sick.
> 
> You can choose from the following unused excuses that are rollovers from my rolodex back when I was working for "the man."
> 
> A: Chronic Wasting Disease
> B: Asian Flu
> C: Dutch Elm Disease (hey it only pertains to trees, but hopefully your boss is kinda naive)
> 
> Keep me posted.
> 
> P.S. I gotta say it's cool seeing the U.K. spelling for words like "labour" and "cheque" -- I remember when I moved from the U.K. to the States and getting docked for spelling words "incorrectly" according to my teachers. I'd argue over it with them but it was a losing battle, so ..... yeah.



Haha, another annoying thing: my boss was supposed to do all day tomorrow, but because a one-year-old's birthday party is more important, guess whose holding down the fort on her own instead? Thank God I got all my work done today; no more burns and knee ache, I can just sit down and read. If the flaking ceiling and non-regulation florecent blue lighting doesn't collapse on my head - or I don't, yet again, trip in the inexplicable POTHOLE in the middle of the floor - I'll remember it as an exceptionally good day.

And LOL @ the spelling! I was actually wondering if I was spelling cheque right seeing all the 'paychecks' on here... I think I've used check somewhere in another thread! The power of Americanisation for you.


----------



## willowmoon

AmazingAmy said:


> Haha, another annoying thing: my boss was supposed to do all day tomorrow, but because a one-year-old's birthday party is more important, guess whose holding down the fort on her own instead? Thank God I got all my work done today; no more burns and knee ache, I can just sit down and read. If the flaking ceiling and non-regulation florecent blue lighting doesn't collapse on my head - or I don't, yet again, trip in the inexplicable POTHOLE in the middle of the floor - I'll remember it as an exceptionally good day.
> 
> And LOL @ the spelling! I was actually wondering if I was spelling cheque right seeing all the 'paychecks' on here... I think I've used check somewhere in another thread! The power of Americanisation for you.



Do they have the equivalent of OSHA out there in the UK? Doesn't sound like the greatest of working conditions (although I'm sure there's worse at other workplaces).


----------



## AmazingAmy

willowmoon said:


> Do they have the equivalent of OSHA out there in the UK? Doesn't sound like the greatest of working conditions (although I'm sure there's worse at other workplaces).



I'm not sure what OSHA is, but there are plenty of people to speak to about working conditions here - we have every other kind of welfare, and health and saftey is kind of strict here, so I imagine so. I've considered contacting someone about the place before and have taken down the necessary details, but I should really just pluck up the courage to confront my boss first before going behind her back. I have a feeling she'll just make excuse or offer I lame 'I know, it sucks' answer; like that helps.

And there are worse places, I must conceed! I don't work in a sweat shop or down a mine; I have to appreciate that, right? *Tries...*


----------



## Famouslastwords

AmazingAmy said:


> I'm not sure what OSHA is, but there are plenty of people to speak to about working conditions here - we have every other kind of welfare, and health and saftey is kind of strict here, so I imagine so. I've considered contacting someone about the place before and have taken down the necessary details, but I should really just pluck up the courage to confront my boss first before going behind her back. I have a feeling she'll just make excuse or offer I lame 'I know, it sucks' answer; like that helps.
> 
> And there are worse places, I must conceed! I don't work in a sweat shop or down a mine; I have to appreciate that, right? *Tries...*



You were just saying about how she paid you more than you expected! LOL Why didn't she write you a new cheque immediately? So many questions I have.


----------



## AmazingAmy

Famouslastwords said:


> You were just saying about how she paid you more than you expected! LOL Why didn't she write you a new cheque immediately? So many questions I have.



She wasn't doing me a favour by doing that, she just hates working with pence so bought it up by 17p an hour. I was just so grateful to finally be paid, I made it out to be a bigger bonus than it was, really. She's a odd person - a nice lady but a very unreliable, avoidant boss. It makes me conflicted about her...


----------



## Famouslastwords

AmazingAmy said:


> She wasn't doing me a favour by doing that, she just hates working with pence so bought it up by 17p an hour. I was just so grateful to finally be paid, I made it out to be a bigger bonus than it was, really. She's a odd person - a nice lady but a very unreliable, avoidant boss. It makes me conflicted about her...



Oh, well that sucks then!



Donna said:


> Dear Old Lady in the Target Parking Lot;
> 
> I knew your vehicle looked familiar when I pulled into my parking space. We went through this in June when you left your dog locked in your parked vehicle. You got a ticket that time. You called me a fat bitch that day, too. Fat bitch all you got, eh? This time I not only called the police, I also called my friends who work for the Pinellas SPCA. The SPCA has your dog and you might not get him back, even after your court date. This is your second offense (maybe...who knows really if you do this all the time or not. I wish I knew what the judge gave you for the incident in June.) Normally it would distress me to know that a dog is not with his person, but you clearly do not deserve to share your life with a dog if you continually disregard his well being. I found it very telling that the dog clung to the SPCA Rep even as you called for him.
> 
> So yeah, I am a fat bitch. A fat bitch who knows not to leave my dogs in a parked car.
> 
> Signed,
> The Fat Bitch



You're my fat bitch hero!


----------



## Proner

Dear upper neighbour,

There will revenge, not a big on but probably very annoying one.

Your lower upset neighbour.


----------



## willowmoon

Dear DumbAss On The Radio,

If you can't do a decent Jim Mora "playoffs?" impression on-air, don't do it at all. It's not funny when you butcher it, and it's even decidedly less funny when you do it 10 times in 5 minutes. 

Signed,

Me.


----------



## Christov

Dear guys manning the 2000AD stand at BICS,

I would have cleared you lot out and taken you up on the discounts multiple times if you'd kept the offers on today instead of just Saturday. Oh well.

With only a marginally lighter wallet, 

Christov.


----------



## thirtiesgirl

Proner said:


> Dear upper neighbour,
> 
> There will revenge, not a big on but probably very annoying one.
> 
> Your lower upset neighbour.



Dear Proner,

I can SO identify with this right now, and I wish I was brave enough to enact revenge...even a little one.

-'30sG.

********************************

Dear Upstairs Neighbor Who Is Mad at Me For Something I Didn't Do,

Stop being mad at me for something I didn't do. I know you're upset about the basketball hoop being removed, but I DIDN'T DO IT! Let it go and stop taping your angry notes to my front door. I don't like you and I think you're a crazy lady who drinks too much.

-'30sG.


----------



## CastingPearls

Baby,

Break a 'paw' on opening night. You're the King! Rarrrwwrrr!!

Love,
Lainey


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Dims,

Wake the fuck up.

Getting restless,
Amy


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky/whatever,

I hate you! That's it, I'm done. Other people are stronger than I, and can take this hurt, I am not one of them :really sad:

Kimberly


----------



## CastingPearls

(((((Kimmie))))) I wish I could hug you for real.


----------



## littlefairywren

CastingPearls said:


> (((((Kimmie))))) I wish I could hug you for real.



I am in need of a hug right now, ta Elaine


----------



## Linda

littlefairywren said:


> I am in need of a hug right now, ta Elaine



((((((( Kimberly ))))))) Just remember you're loved even though today is a heatbreak.



Dear Alarm Clock,

Do you have to work every morning?

Love and kisses, Me


----------



## Proner

Dear rude guy,

It's so easy to let out your frustration and anger on me. It's not my fault if the book you wanted to borrow for your kid wasn't available, it's also useless to insult and try to humiliate me and librarians saying that we are useless and bitter pieces of trash...

Dear former teammates,

Get over it dudes! I heard you in the tramway and yes I changed team and maybe betray you but you don't have to put me down everytime you see me!

Dear Tuesday,

Good job, you put me really down.

Angry, disgusted Proner


----------



## MzDeeZyre

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe/Guy in the sky/whatever,
> 
> I hate you! That's it, I'm done. Other people are stronger than I, and can take this hurt, I am not one of them :really sad:
> 
> Kimberly



*hugs* I'm sorry honey....I hope it gets better.


----------



## Scorsese86

Dear Friend, or Mr. Virgin as I'd like to call you here

1) Your dick will not fall off if you have sex _and_ you're not married
2) I find it amusing that I, who can pass as a 3 when I look my best, has had more sex than you, who clearly is a 7.5 even that one time you looked like shit (if that ever did happen)
3) Grow a pair and grow up. We all have issues, but we don't write them all over our Facebook pages.

Thank you for the attention.


----------



## nettie

littlefairywren said:


> I am in need of a hug right now, ta Elaine



So sorry you're hurting. ((( hugs )))


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Social Calendar,

Now that i'm capable of doing all the stuff i used to do, you need to be filling up a LOT more. I realize that there are definitely more filled in days than there were this time last year...but....in the moments of rest, i'm getting bored. I understand that Monday through Thursday aren't normally the days that people plan events but it is my belief that every day should be a fun day  

So please step it up

Thanks,

All Dressed Up and Nowhere To Go


----------



## AuntHen

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe/Guy in the sky/whatever,
> 
> I hate you! That's it, I'm done. Other people are stronger than I, and can take this hurt, I am not one of them :really sad:
> 
> Kimberly





Proner said:


> Dear rude guy,
> 
> It's so easy to let out your frustration and anger on me. It's not my fault if the book you wanted to borrow for your kid wasn't available, it's also useless to insult and try to humiliate me and librarians saying that we are useless and bitter pieces of trash...
> 
> Dear former teammates,
> 
> Get over it dudes! I heard you in the tramway and yes I changed team and maybe betray you but you don't have to put me down everytime you see me!
> 
> Dear Tuesday,
> 
> Good job, you put me really down.
> 
> Angry, disgusted Proner




*HUGS *to both of you!!!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear random guy on my Yahell buddy list (insert your name if this pertains to you)-

I like chatting with you, I really do. We've had some of the most interesting conversations. However, I feel that its necessary to (yet again) tell you that it frustrates me when you decide to take our conversation into an area that I so clearly stated I was not willing to go to. So once and for all I will make it clear to you.

 I do not now nor do I ever want to sit on you while you struggle to breathe and I stuff in cheesecake or some other random fattening food into my mouth. I am not interested in discussing code words for if you get into breathing trouble when that happens. That's YOUR fantasy, not mine. I wonder when you will finally realize that a conversation is between TWO people. It's not always just about you and what YOU can get from it.
 I do not want to talk about what I ate today nor tell you about how much weight I gained in the past week. I notice that you ask me everyday about what I had for dinner, and I am not naive in knowing that you do that to find out how much I ate. This is the reason I change the subject when you ask.
 I do not want to talk to you about how it feels to be fat. If you are that interested in weight gain then I suggest that you go eat yourself to my size and find out what its all about. Its not an interest of mine to talk about switching bodies with you so that YOU can walk around as a fat girl. I do not want to discuss with you how I can put on weight or how I can become immobile. I am not interested in sending you naughty pics of me, nor am I interested in talking dirty with you while you stroke yourself. I am not your own personal phone sex girl. While you are sitting there touching yourself and pressing me for more info about squashing, sex with a fat girl, and what food I ate today...I am literally sitting here yawning from boredom and wondering when it will end. I do not want to "squash" you and your friends for the fun of it.
 What I notice about all of the above proposals is that its ALL ABOUT YOU getting what YOU want--and going about it in a way that is offensive to me. Trying to turn every conversation into your personal sexcapade is not MY idea of fun, and I consider it an extremely selfish thing for you to do. 

I offer up our latest conversation as proof:
You: Hi how are you?
Me: I am great. Just made some micro popcorn and getting ready to watch a movie, U?
You: I can think of a place for you to sit while you do that. Why dont you come sit on my chest and eat your popcorn while watching your movie?
Me: Yeah...um NO. Thanks for the chat, goodnight.

Yes, I do realize that some ladies will do all those things, but I am NOT one of them. I love talking to you about your everyday life, your interests, joking around with you about silly things--but I am not your girlfriend nor am I your love interest. You really should share those things with HER. Turning EVERY conversation into your own personal whack fodder and/or sex fantasy fest is beginning to disturb me enough to not want to chat with you anymore. please consider what I am saying and understand that I don't want to have to tell you again that this is NOT my idea of a conversation. Thanks. 
Terri


----------



## Famouslastwords

Lovelyone said:


> Dear random guy on my Yahell buddy list (insert your name if this pertains to you)-
> 
> I like chatting with you, I really do. We've had some of the most interesting conversations. However, I feel that its necessary to (yet again) tell you that it frustrates me when you decide to take our conversation into an area that I so clearly stated I was not willing to go to. So once and for all I will make it clear to you.
> 
> I do not now nor do I ever want to sit on you while you struggle to breathe and I stuff in cheesecake or some other random fattening food into my mouth. I am not interested in discussing code words for if you get into breathing trouble when that happens. That's YOUR fantasy, not mine. I wonder when you will finally realize that a conversation is between TWO people. It's not always just about you and what YOU can get from it.
> I do not want to talk about what I ate today nor tell you about how much weight I gained in the past week. I notice that you ask me everyday about what I had for dinner, and I am not naive in knowing that you do that to find out how much I ate. This is the reason I change the subject when you ask.
> I do not want to talk to you about how it feels to be fat. If you are that interested in weight gain then I suggest that you go eat yourself to my size and find out what its all about. Its not an interest of mine to talk about switching bodies with you so that YOU can walk around as a fat girl. I do not want to discuss with you how I can put on weight or how I can become immobile. I am not interested in sending you naughty pics of me, nor am I interested in talking dirty with you while you stroke yourself. I am not your own personal phone sex girl. While you are sitting there touching yourself and pressing me for more info about squashing, sex with a fat girl, and what food I ate today...I am literally sitting here yawning from boredom and wondering when it will end. I do not want to "squash" you and your friends for the fun of it.
> What I notice about all of the above proposals is that its ALL ABOUT YOU getting what YOU want--and going about it in a way that is offensive to me. Trying to turn every conversation into your personal sexcapade is not MY idea of fun, and I consider it an extremely selfish thing for you to do.
> 
> I offer up our latest conversation as proof:
> You: Hi how are you?
> Me: I am great. Just made some micro popcorn and getting ready to watch a movie, U?
> You: I can think of a place for you to sit while you do that. Why dont you come sit on my chest and eat your popcorn while watching your movie?
> Me: Yeah...um NO. Thanks for the chat, goodnight.
> 
> Yes, I do realize that some ladies will do all those things, but I am NOT one of them. I love talking to you about your everyday life, your interests, joking around with you about silly things--but I am not your girlfriend nor am I your love interest. You really should share those things with HER. Turning EVERY conversation into your own personal whack fodder and/or sex fantasy fest is beginning to disturb me enough to not want to chat with you anymore. please consider what I am saying and understand that I don't want to have to tell you again that this is NOT my idea of a conversation. Thanks.
> Terri




Oh God, don't you just hate that. I can't stand guys like that. If he doesn't listen to you, no amount of nice conversation is worth it. That's how they try to lure you into talking the way they want, by being ok people otherwise. I can imagine that's frustrating.


----------



## Lovelyone

Yes FLW, I really hate when someone tries to lure me into a conversation that is only beneficial to them. *sigh* sadly I run across this kind of man all too often. What's a girl to do? :doh:


----------



## Famouslastwords

Lovelyone said:


> Yes FLW, I really hate when someone tries to lure me into a conversation that is only beneficial to them. *sigh* sadly I run across this kind of man all too often. What's a girl to do? :doh:



Block them and hope a better dude comes along. There's gotta be a real sweetie out there somewhere for sure.


----------



## littlefairywren

Linda said:


> ((((((( Kimberly ))))))) Just remember you're loved even though today is a heatbreak.





MzDeeZyre said:


> *hugs* I'm sorry honey....I hope it gets better.





nettie said:


> So sorry you're hurting. ((( hugs )))





fat9276 said:


> *HUGS *to both of you!!!



Group hug! Thanks so much, girls...you're all so lovely :happy:


----------



## Dromond

Dear God (no that's not an oath, it's a salutation)

I've heard it said you will never give a person more than they can handle. I hereby request that you please have less confidence in me.

Respectfully yours,

Me


----------



## Dmitra

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe/Guy in the sky/whatever,
> 
> I hate you! That's it, I'm done. Other people are stronger than I, and can take this hurt, I am not one of them :really sad:
> 
> Kimberly



***belated hugs***

*gives guy in the sky the finger*


----------



## LovelyLiz

Famouslastwords said:


> Block them and hope a better dude comes along. There's gotta be a real sweetie out there somewhere for sure.



YES. YES. YES. Honestly, as soon as you sniff a hint of this stuff from a guy, block his ass. Your time is worth more than wasting it on a guy who just wants to get off through text (unless that's what you're looking for - but it seems you're not).


----------



## Scorsese86

Dear annoying bitch:

Why did you not excuse yourself to me?
You called me a racist - just because I don't like Obama.
I gave you a long rant about economy, Government taking over lives, and how arrogant I feel he is, and (censored because this isn't Hyde Park).
I did love your reply: "I didn't know that". But why didn't you excuse? Why did you look like you wanted to dissapear and why did you just go and not apologize.
You don't know a thing about me, and you dare to call me a racist. My aunt is Asian, my cousin, who I adore more than anyone in the world, is part Thai, part Norwegian. I have friends from Iran, Sudan and Sri Lanka - and they're not white, if you didn't understand that. So don't go around and talk shit, because, as you yourself said "I didn't know that".


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear Universe, 

I'm going to have to kick some ass if you don't start treating people I like nicer. Dromond and Little Fairy Wren are some of the nicest people I know and deserve better, so I expect you to fix it. 

Yours, 

One Mean Bitch 




JoyJoy said:


> Dear K,
> 
> You can't deny we have incredible chemistry that blew us both away.
> 
> However, telling me I am perfect, that I'm everything you're looking for, that I'm your "dream girl" and then telling me you can't see me anymore is pretty pathetic. At some point, you're going to have to stop living in the shadows of your divorce and move on - it's been three years. I'm not the enemy and I'm pretty sure you're walking away from something amazing. Such a waste.
> 
> That said, I wish you'd stop texting me after telling me you don't want to see me anymore. You're screwing with my head and my heart and I don't know which way is up anymore. Either take the leap with me or let me go.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> The One You're Letting Get Away



Dear K, 

I know you need to take things slow, and I'm totally with you on that. Thanks for recognizing that what we've felt is too good to not pursue, and for having faith in me. :wubu: No matter what happens now, we can't regret this choice.

Signed, 

Hopeful Girl


----------



## Saoirse

Dear Catboy

Last night was fun. Let's do it again soon!


----------



## mossystate

Dear gunk in chest, 

Please leave. I have reached my 2,000,000th cough quota for the last 3 weeks. If it is walking pneumonia, then get worse so it forces me to go to the doctor. Yes, that's how dumb I am with this kind of thing.

mucusstate


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

Dear mucusstate,

Don't make me kick your ass; get your ass to the dr.

Me


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

rofl
-----


----------



## mossystate

MizzSnakeBite said:


> Dear mucusstate,
> 
> Don't make me kick your ass; get your ass to the dr.
> 
> Me



shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...i am really stubborn....

and, I was thinking of both girls and boys


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

mossystate said:


> shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...i am really stubborn....
> 
> and, I was thinking of both girls and boys



I know you are, that's why I'm threatening physical harm, 'cause I know asking nicely won't work.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Brother of mine,

Stop being a spoiled brat. 

Kthnxbai,
Your "Evil Sister".


----------



## AuntHen

yes and I vent about my co-workers all the time especially when they chew gum


----------



## Lovelyone

SO I think its time for a change of subject, perhaps something humourous.
I will start by saying that my dryer is broken and I dont have a car nor money to take my clothing to the laundrymat. To dry my clothing I have to hang them on a fan in my bedroom. SO I come back from taking a shower, the room is dark. My oversized t-shirt is hanging off of my fan...I walk past it in the dark forgetting that the t-shirt was there. Yes, I scared myself. I freaked out and shreiked a little cos "something touched me" in the dark. I then turned my light on and felt like a complete idiot for forgetting that I put the t-shirt there to dry.

Terri-
Hey dummy, didn't your mamma ever tell you NOT to wash a white bra and panties with fushia non-colorfast pants? Thank goodness you washed them together cos now you have a matching tent sized set of pink under clothing.


----------



## Sweet Tooth

Dear pint of Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate Chunk,

Thank you for being my dinner tonight. I needed you, and you were there for me. I shall never forget this kindness you've shown to me tonight in my darkest hours.

Your forever friend
[since you will undoubtedly hang around my thighs until the end of time],

~ Me


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Green Beans,

You were fresh and delicious! I will meet you here again tomorrow night for the same! :wubu: Until then...

Love.

Me


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Sweet Tooth said:


> Dear pint of Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate Chunk,
> 
> Thank you for being my dinner tonight. I needed you, and you were there for me. I shall never forget this kindness you've shown to me tonight in my darkest hours.
> 
> Your forever friend
> [since you will undoubtedly hang around my thighs until the end of time],
> 
> ~ Me



Dear Sweet Tooth,

Never in my life have I known such a thing as that existed. Life begins tonight. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.....again.

Moi

:bow:



Dromond said:


> I gotcher twinkie right here.
> 
> 
> No, really. I have a twinkie sitting right here. What did you think I meant, ya perv?



Dearest Grasshopper,

I love quick students. Time for your tattoo Mr Right on Time :bow:


----------



## JerseyGirl07093

Lovelyone said:


> SO I think its time for a change of subject, perhaps something humourous.
> I will start by saying that my dryer is broken and I dont have a car nor money to take my clothing to the laundrymat. To dry my clothing I have to hang them on a fan in my bedroom. SO I come back from taking a shower, the room is dark. My oversized t-shirt is hanging off of my fan...I walk past it in the dark forgetting that the t-shirt was there. Yes, I scared myself. I freaked out and shreiked a little cos "something touched me" in the dark. I then turned my light on and felt like a complete idiot for forgetting that I put the t-shirt there to dry.



That cracked me up! Haven't we all done something like that once in our lives. I remember once I was helping my friend clean her apt. and I closed her bedroom door that had a mirror on the back of it. In that instant I saw my reflection and screamed thinking it was someone else. Who the heck did I think was hiding behind the door in a mirror? Duh! :doh:


----------



## Emma

Dear Ex ( Yeah, not you) 

I had this weird dream yesterday. It was nice, there was lots of zombies and stuff (thats not the nice bit obvs) . You were sat on my sofa and I had my head on your knee. We nearly kissed and then you said you could never kiss me because I'd hurt you so much. I looked up at you and cried and apologised and I meant it and we kissed and everything was ok. 

lol I woke up and felt soo sad, so gutted and wanted you so much, but you don't really exist anymore anyway


----------



## Emma

Is there such a thing as a vegan zombie? I REALLY hope so!! LOL


----------



## Dromond

CurvyEm said:


> Is there such a thing as a zombie vegan?



They eat this:







A sulfur shelf, aka "tree brain"


----------



## Emma

Dromond said:


> They eat this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> A sulfur shelf, aka "tree brain"



Wouldn't doubt you there Mr Drummond.

Whatchu talkin' bout?


----------



## CastingPearls

Looks like an albino walnut....


----------



## Dromond

CurvyEm said:


> Wouldn't doubt you there Mr Drummond.
> 
> Whatchu talkin' bout?



I think that will be quite enough of the "Different Strokes" jokes, thank you very much.


----------



## Dromond

CastingPearls said:


> Looks like an albino walnut....



It's a kind of mushroom. It's supposed to be delicious.


----------



## Lovelyone

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> That cracked me up! Haven't we all done something like that once in our lives. I remember once I was helping my friend clean her apt. and I closed her bedroom door that had a mirror on the back of it. In that instant I saw my reflection and screamed thinking it was someone else. Who the heck did I think was hiding behind the door in a mirror? Duh! :doh:


 
Dear JerseyGir07093- I laughed at how you scared yourself with your own reflection cos I've done that before. One time I was in my car and was heading home at the crack of dawn. I had put some boxes in the back end of my car weeks before that. I made sudden stop and one of the boxes flew up at me from behind. You'd never seen a fat girl get out of her car so fast in all your life! I jumped so high and screamed so loud that I would have woken up satan himself. This guy pulled over and asked me what was wrong. I said, "I think there is a bat in my car...you know a flying bat...with teeth. It landed on my front seat. OH GOD get it out of there!!!" He got into my car and checked for a bat. By that time the sun was rising and he could see very clearly into my car. He came out of the car and said, "I think I found your culprit" and held up a little Avon box. I was so embarassed, but we had a good laugh about it.
I am SO glad that I am not the only person who does stupid stuff like this. We are such scaredy cats--and just in time for halloween!


----------



## Emma

Dromond said:


> I think that will be quite enough of the "Different Strokes" jokes, thank you very much.



Aww and there was me thinking I was the first


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear Dr, 

I realize you're extremely busy, but...sitting in an open office, with people coming and going and _brushing your teeth_? Really? I mean, actually taking the time to walk from the bathroom at the other end of the hall with the toothbrush in your mouth and toothpaste around the edges of your mouth, just to look at a computer screen?? Wow. I'm thinking they need to add a topic to the course on professional behavior in medical school. 

Signed, 

The Peon Who is a Bit Squicked Out


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Nurse Supervisor,

I am so sorry your Grandmother died!  My heart ached for you when I saw the tears in your eyes. God bless and comfort you and your family!

Sincerely,

B


----------



## Proner

Dear Coffee, 

I love you, truly but I shouldn't drink you that late! Now it's past midnight and I'm not sleepy at all.

Fully awake Proner


----------



## Famouslastwords

Proner said:


> Dear Coffee,
> 
> I love you, truly but I shouldn't drink you that late! Now it's past midnight and I'm not sleepy at all.
> 
> Fully awake Proner



Dear Proner,

I can't drink caffeine past 7 pm if I am to go to bed before midnight

Really I shouldn't drink it past 5. Because I really should go to bed before midnight.

<3

Always tired FLW


----------



## Proner

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear Proner,
> 
> I can't drink caffeine past 7 pm if I am to go to bed before midnight
> 
> Really I shouldn't drink it past 5. Because I really should go to bed before midnight.
> 
> <3
> 
> Always tired FLW



Me too, but I was supposed to have to drive to go in weekend with friends so I took one.
Then it be delayed so I'm still up and singing, hopefully not too loud for my neighbours so no ears bleeding


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky....

So I kinda was a bit cranky with you before, but I need you to do me a favour. Let today go smoothly, don't let me have a panic attack in the midst of 300 people. Let me find an escape route if I get spooked, and let someone like maybe one of my paintings. Oh, and thanks for the other thing....very, very much.

Love 
Kimberly


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

Dearest Chicklet,

Everything will go famously. I promise, and somebirdie already lurvs your pieces.

:wubu:,
Momma Bird


----------



## fatgirlflyin

My dear boy, 

In just under two weeks you will be turning 16, well on your way to manhood. I hope you understand though that in my heart you will always be my baby boy. I know that you dont think you need me for much anymore (aside from playing chauffeur) and most of what I say causes you to roll your eyes but you know that Ill always be here when you do find yourself in need right? I hope you know you can come to me with a problem no matter how silly or how embarrassing it is, even if you dont follow all my advice and even if I give you mom advice (like when you asked me how to slow dance a few weeks ago and I showed you to keep a foot of distance between you and the girl).

Gonna stop now before I get too mushy but let me just throw out these few words of advice:
	Always wear a condom
	Dont smoke
	Dont drink and drive

Love,
Your overprotective but well intentioned mom


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear Self,

Never, never, never eat while watching the show _Hoarders_ ever again. Do not forget this advice. 

Love,
Your gag reflex


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Thread,

The Fuck did I just miss? A Hurricane? 

Sincerely,
Your Plump Princess. 




Dear weather,

Stop Being a Sad ol' bitch and cheer up for once. 

Sincerely,
Me.



Dear Self, 

Stop Confusing Us.

Sincerely, 
Megan (and company)


Dear Dims,

I Love You. 

Forever,
Megs


----------



## littlefairywren

MizzSnakeBite said:


> Dearest Chicklet,
> 
> Everything will go famously. I promise, and somebirdie already lurvs your pieces.
> 
> :wubu:,
> Momma Bird



Dear Momma Bird,

Big GIANT hugs, because you're a sweetheart :wubu:

Love
Chicklet




Dear Universe/Guy in the sky,

It went well, but do you think you could of held off on the 32C heat just for one day? "Surprise, here is summer" is not my idea of a joke, when I am all full of butterflies, and trapped in a mass of sweaty bodies. Thanks for the rest though.....you're ok, when you pay attention up there 

Love
Kimberly


----------



## Mathias

Dear Ryan Howard,

You couldn't have at least gone down swinging?! Really?? 

Signed,

One pissed off Phillies fan.


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Momma Bird,
> 
> Big GIANT hugs, because you're a sweetheart :wubu:
> 
> Love
> Chicklet
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dear Universe/Guy in the sky,
> 
> It went well, but do you think you could of held off on the 32C heat just for one day? "Surprise, here is summer" is not my idea of a joke, when I am all full of butterflies, and trapped in a mass of sweaty bodies. Thanks for the rest though.....you're ok, when you pay attention up there
> 
> Love
> Kimberly



Dear Chicklet, 

I'm sooooo happy for you (except about the heat)!

:wubu:,
Momma Bird






Dear Rangers, 

Even though I'm not into baseball, thank you for beating the conceited NYY. Maybe they should have practiced their game instead of running their mouths.

:happy:,
A smirking Texan


----------



## rellis10

Dear Head and Heart,

Why are you making me feel so completely confused right now? I thought I worked all this out last night but apparently you have other ideas about that. Can't you just give me a straight answer?

Please find time to reply at your earliest convenience.

Yours Sincerely,
Every other part of me.


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear friends,

Hurry up, I really want brekkie.

signed famished

Dear Food,

You will be in my belly soon.

Missing you,
Fat Chick


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Self,

You've had pizza for your last three meals. The only reason you didn't make pizza your breakfast as well is because you weren't up in time. EAT SOME FRUIT OR SOMETHING.

Love, Self


----------



## Christov

Dear money,

I love you. Please come back to my bank account, I didn't mean to spend that much of you.

Penniless to the point of ridiculousness,

Christov.


----------



## Mishty

Dear New Best Friend,

You have no idea what you ask of me, do you? 
Come home with me, eat with me, snuggle with me,sleep with me, don't leave me that's all you are asking. I know. It's so damn platonic it's disgusting. I've never slept in a mans arms before, and I had kind of hoped it would be after some kinda sexual act, not because I was drunk and you were lonely. 
Not that I would have sex with you ever, because I know your record. (although it's not a long list, the list includes two Miss Alabama's and the sweetest most gentle female I've ever met) How can I try to follow that? 
funny stuff. 

This friendship is going to work out wonderfully, if I can make my body remember you're just here for my mind and the warmth I give you under the blanket. You love Jerry Garcia as much as I do, you are a true Hippy, fighting a cause, but I enjoy you on a completely vain level. You give me a thrill walking out of the Pub together, all 6'6 feet of you, that long hair, and your Eddie Vedder plaid shirt around your hips, and your law degree. All the girls are seething and bitter. I enjoy it. they all know where I sleep, and now thanks to your big mouth they know you sleep almost naked. I'm gonna allow you to ruin my reputation okay? Just sit back and talk all you want. I don't mind. Tell them all how you needed me when I walked into your life, and don't forget the line about my soft hair, it's my favorite one, makes me swoon like a Bronte sister. 


Signed,
okay with dreaming

P.S. This morning when I was in your bed, watching you put on your tie and comb your hair back into a ponytail, I let myself roll all over your 400 thread count sheets and pretend....just for a -split second- you were mine.

:blush:


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear you,

You make me melt.
I Let my Guard Down.
Shit. 

Sincerely,
_Swooning._


----------



## Emma

Dear RSPCA 

You suck ass. Thanks for letting my cat die in agony. 

From. 

Me.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Oh no, Em.  I'm so sorry!  *hugs*


----------



## CastingPearls

CurvyEm said:


> Dear RSPCA
> 
> You suck ass. Thanks for letting my cat die in agony.
> 
> From.
> 
> Me.


So sorry!!!! ((((hugs))))


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

CurvyEm said:


> Dear RSPCA
> 
> You suck ass. Thanks for letting my cat die in agony.
> 
> From.
> 
> Me.



I'm so sorry.


----------



## Emma

Thanks.

Long story short. I've got 2 cats living at my mums house, shes had them so long now that they're probably more her cats than mine. On my birthday whilst my mum was out one of the cats got run over and was found crawling back to her house, the old lady who found her rang the RSPCA for help and they told her they didn't deal with domestic animals that had been hurt in traffic accidents, so the poor old lady sat on the street and stroked andi whilst she died.


----------



## MizzSnakeBite

CurvyEm said:


> Thanks.
> 
> Long story short. I've got 2 cats living at my mums house, shes had them so long now that they're probably more her cats than mine. On my birthday whilst my mum was out one of the cats got run over and was found crawling back to her house, the old lady who found her rang the RSPCA for help and they told her they didn't deal with domestic animals that had been hurt in traffic accidents, so the poor old lady sat on the street and stroked andi whilst she died.



Oh Em......my heart is breaking for you. 

(((Hugs)))


----------



## CastingPearls

CurvyEm said:


> Thanks.
> 
> Long story short. I've got 2 cats living at my mums house, shes had them so long now that they're probably more her cats than mine. On my birthday whilst my mum was out one of the cats got run over and was found crawling back to her house, the old lady who found her rang the RSPCA for help and they told her they didn't deal with domestic animals that had been hurt in traffic accidents, so the poor old lady sat on the street and stroked andi whilst she died.


That is so sad and unfair. Can you take any comfort that at least Andi didn't die alone?


----------



## Emma

I can take comfort in it, my mum is feeling soooooooo guilty for not being there. I've never heard her cry so much as I did when she told me today. My mum and andi were right little buddies.


----------



## AmazingAmy

CurvyEm said:


> I can take comfort in it, my mum is feeling soooooooo guilty for not being there. I've never heard her cry so much as I did when she told me today. My mum and andi were right little buddies.



I'm so sorry to hear this, Em; I know how much you adore your cats and I really feel for your mum's guilt (so many pets get hit by cars, it's unavoidable, but the owners always feel responsible. It's not fair ). 

And I'm really disappointed in the RSPCA's response to this! I understand they have limited resources, but could they not have a better connection with the cat and dogs' trusts to help then pass along animals? The lady that stayed with Andi sounds very kind!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Oh Em, I'm so so sorry to hear about your cat! I can't believe they said that >;( I'd be writing a letter, or something to complain.


----------



## Linda

CurvyEm said:


> Dear RSPCA
> 
> You suck ass. Thanks for letting my cat die in agony.
> 
> From.
> 
> Me.





CurvyEm said:


> Thanks.
> 
> Long story short. I've got 2 cats living at my mums house, shes had them so long now that they're probably more her cats than mine. On my birthday whilst my mum was out one of the cats got run over and was found crawling back to her house, the old lady who found her rang the RSPCA for help and they told her they didn't deal with domestic animals that had been hurt in traffic accidents, so the poor old lady sat on the street and stroked andi whilst she died.





CurvyEm said:


> I can take comfort in it, my mum is feeling soooooooo guilty for not being there. I've never heard her cry so much as I did when she told me today. My mum and andi were right little buddies.





I am sorry Em. How heart wrenching.


----------



## Sweet Tooth

CurvyEm said:


> Thanks.
> 
> Long story short. I've got 2 cats living at my mums house, shes had them so long now that they're probably more her cats than mine. On my birthday whilst my mum was out one of the cats got run over and was found crawling back to her house, the old lady who found her rang the RSPCA for help and they told her they didn't deal with domestic animals that had been hurt in traffic accidents, so the poor old lady sat on the street and stroked andi whilst she died.



I'm so sorry.  What a horrible thing to happen all around. I'm glad your baby wasn't alone when she passed, and I'm sure she knows you would've moved heaven and earth to have been with her had you known. <hugs>


----------



## littlefairywren

CurvyEm said:


> Thanks.
> 
> Long story short. I've got 2 cats living at my mums house, shes had them so long now that they're probably more her cats than mine. On my birthday whilst my mum was out one of the cats got run over and was found crawling back to her house, the old lady who found her rang the RSPCA for help and they told her they didn't deal with domestic animals that had been hurt in traffic accidents, so the poor old lady sat on the street and stroked andi whilst she died.



Oh my gosh, that is so very sad. I am so sorry, Em. (((((HUGS)))))


----------



## NancyGirl74

Dear Giants,

I soooo love you today!

Proud fan,
Nancy

***

Dear Job,

I just don't know what to do about you any more. 

Thinking about change but too much of a chicken,
Nancy

***

Dear, dear Family,

I love you. We're having some hard times but hold on. We'll be ok.

Your granddaughter, niece, cousin, daughter, sister,
Nancy

***

Dear Crush,

*Jumps up and down* Here I am! Here I am! 

Feeling foolish,
Nancy

***

Dear Aunt Karen,

I miss you.

With all my love,
Your Nancy


----------



## Dromond

Dear Enchilada,

Thank you for being so delicious.

Until digestion we part,

Me


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Mr Kipling,

Last night was exceedingly good.

Yours,
Amy


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dear Em,

oh my heart breaks for you, I would feel the same way if it had been one of my babies. I got teared up while reading your post. I'm very sorry for you.


FLW


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Pizza delivery person--
THANK YOU! You remembered our whole order...pizza, 2 2-liters of soda, AND the spicy seasoning packets. :bow: That's the first time in ages that we haven't had to call and ask where some of our items are. Also, thanks for looking behind you when you pulled out of our driveway. We have children who live here and on several occasions the drivers didn't bother to look behind them when they left. I called your boss to tell him what a good driver/delivery person you are. I hope you get a good raise.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear upstairs neighbor, 

Yep, it was me who put the dog poop on your stairs. It's bad enough that you and your brood are up all hours of the night, running from one side to the other side of the apartment...letting your yippity mut poop on our doorstep was the last straw.

I hope you get the hint. I don't want to get the office involved.

Signed,

The pissed off fattie downstairs


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear Cliff Lee,

Please don't suck. 



Dear Rangers,

Please kick major Giant ass!



Dear Joshy,

No tears...K? Good luck!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Bed,

I'm Comin' Honey! Get Ready! 

Sincerely,
The Uncomfy Fatty Sleeping In a Recliner.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear 'his friend',

Did you honestly, HONESTLY think that because he's around you can say suggestive things and leer at me and demand to know where I'm going? That your offer to take me out to eat (with him by default) to watch me eat while he laughed and made me so uncomfortable that I walked out was CHARMING? 

Did you think that I didn't know that because he doesn't have to balls to ask me a goddamn thing he sent you in to see why I was dressed to go somewhere nice? Did you think I would feel guilty when you flounced and pouted that I don't like you, to him? REALLY? You make my skin crawl. 

If the two of you are so concerned about my whereabouts, ask your friend why he didn't bother telling me where HE'S going whenever he disappears WITH YOU. You wonder why your wife is divorcing you? Guess what? That's something else you two have in common to discuss when you two do lunch everyday. 

I know you're stalking me here on Dims. You're so goddamn stupid you don't realize you're slipping out things I've only mentioned here. Make sure you show him EVERYTHING including the parts where I call him an asexual coward and passive-aggressive controlling asshole. I'm not going to stop being me and I won't be chased out of here either so both of you can fuck off.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Weekend,

Please come to my house soon! I need you! And please let me be able to savor you as long as I can... tell Monday to stay the &*^%^#$%# away! Thanks in advance! 

Me


----------



## Dromond

Dear Halliburton and BP,

Fuck you. Putting lives and the environment at risk for the sake of profit. Seriously. Just fuck you.

Contemptuously yours,

A disgusted Gulf resident.


----------



## thirtiesgirl

Dear Student Who Left Home to Live With Her Boyfriend and Not Attend School For Over a Month to Work at In-N-Out Burger To Buy Pot For Her Boyfriend and Pay His Bills,

Have some self-respect, honey. He's 20 years old, not working and not going to school. He expects _you_ to buy his drugs and pay his bills. Do you really see a future in this relationship?

Work it out with your mother, get your ass back home, quit your job and take advantage of our free after-school tutoring so you can pass Geometry and get your high school diploma.

You can hate me until the end of time for reporting you as a runaway, but I know it's the best thing for you. I want you to have more choices for your future, not a drug habit and possibly a baby.

Sincerely,
Your hard-working school counselor


P.S. - stay in school.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear me. 
Its okay to feel that you've been discriminated against online,because... you have been.
ME


----------



## Dmitra

Dear Bonus Stress,

Please don't make me go crazy just as I'm about to embark on a new path.

Thank you,
~M~


----------



## Mishty

Dear _boy_,

I'm glad we agree on something:
The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way than I was using you
But now that I know it's not meant to be
I gotta go, I gotta wean myself off of you.


Signed,
Better Off

____________________________________________________________


Hey, new best friend,
Can we stop with the clinging, and the pull away? Either we're on the same page or I'm out the pretty french doors.

-Ownin' it


_____________________________________________________________

Pretties,Kitties,Ladies, and Bitches of Dimensions Chat,

Can I just say how I love you guys, every last one of you rock my cock.

:kiss2:

-Chatter Missshtay.


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Joe Browns,

I love your plus-sized collection, but it's a kick in the teeth when you keep sending me the regular-sized catalogue full of clothes you won't make in fatso sizes until _next _year. Why you do this I'm not sure; do you test the selling-power of your clothes on the discerning skinnies first, then super-size the bestsellers for us fatties? Must do. Well, stop teasing me with what I won't be able to wear for a stupidly long time.

Yours,
Amy


----------



## Surlysomething

Friend.

Keep it mellowish today, ok?

And have a FABULOUS TRIP!


----------



## Lovelyone

Chris--the song says it all. Let's go have ourselves a heavenly day!

Oh heavenly day, all the clouds blew away
Got no trouble today with anyone
The smile on your face I live only to see
It's enough for me, baby, it's enough for me
Oh, heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

Tomorrow may rain with sorrow
Here's a little time we can borrow
Forget all our troubles in these moments so few
All we've got right now, the only thing that
All we really have to do
Is have ourselves a heavenly day
Lay here and watch the trees sway
Oh, can't see no other way, no way, no way
Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

No one at my shoulder bringing me fears
Got no clouds up above me bringing me tears
Got nothing to tell you, I've got nothing much to say
Only I'm glad to be here with you
On this heavenly, heavenly, heavenly, heavenly
Heavenly day, all the trouble's gone away
Oh, for a while anyway, for a while anyway
Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day.


----------



## LovelyLiz

Lovelyone said:


> Chris--the song says it all. Let's go have ourselves a heavenly day!
> 
> Oh heavenly day, all the clouds blew away
> Got no trouble today with anyone
> The smile on your face I live only to see
> It's enough for me, baby, it's enough for me
> Oh, heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day
> 
> Tomorrow may rain with sorrow
> Here's a little time we can borrow
> Forget all our troubles in these moments so few
> All we've got right now, the only thing that
> All we really have to do
> Is have ourselves a heavenly day
> Lay here and watch the trees sway
> Oh, can't see no other way, no way, no way
> Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day
> 
> No one at my shoulder bringing me fears
> Got no clouds up above me bringing me tears
> Got nothing to tell you, I've got nothing much to say
> Only I'm glad to be here with you
> On this heavenly, heavenly, heavenly, heavenly
> Heavenly day, all the trouble's gone away
> Oh, for a while anyway, for a while anyway
> Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day.



PATTY GRIFFIN!!!! My favorite. :wubu:

Hope you both do have a good day!


----------



## Salus in Arduis

Dear slumlord:

You suck.

That is all.


----------



## mossystate

Dear MzzzzzzzzzDevi, 

Don't dangle that carrot! Get your ass back here or I will take all your birds and send them through retraining. They won't be the same once I put them through the Mossy Charm School For Squawkers.


----------



## JoyJoy

Dearest Cousin, 

Your post on FB that just revealed to me your love of "Rubenesque" women (and the link you gave showing a google search for "plus size models" which you labeled as "Hawt") just blew me away. You've come SO far from the preppy, snobby, shallow kid you were in high school and have shown me over the past year that you are truly an incredible person, but this realization makes me love you even more. You, good cousin, are a kindred spirit. I imagine your mother watching from wherever she is in the afterlife beaming with pride.

Much love, 

Cuz


----------



## paintsplotch

CastingPearls said:


> Dear 'his friend',
> 
> Did you honestly, HONESTLY think that because he's around you can say suggestive things and leer at me and demand to know where I'm going? That your offer to take me out to eat (with him by default) to watch me eat while he laughed and made me so uncomfortable that I walked out was CHARMING?
> 
> Did you think that I didn't know that because he doesn't have to balls to ask me a goddamn thing he sent you in to see why I was dressed to go somewhere nice? Did you think I would feel guilty when you flounced and pouted that I don't like you, to him? REALLY? You make my skin crawl.
> 
> If the two of you are so concerned about my whereabouts, ask your friend why he didn't bother telling me where HE'S going whenever he disappears WITH YOU. You wonder why your wife is divorcing you? Guess what? That's something else you two have in common to discuss when you two do lunch everyday.
> 
> I know you're stalking me here on Dims. You're so goddamn stupid you don't realize you're slipping out things I've only mentioned here. Make sure you show him EVERYTHING including the parts where I call him an asexual coward and passive-aggressive controlling asshole. I'm not going to stop being me and I won't be chased out of here either so both of you can fuck off.



Dear him and "his friend".... you suck. 
CP is awesomeness in most adorable packaging. WTF.
i pray that a thousand fleas infest your nickers and your arms are too short to itch.
sincerely,
princess pissy pants


Dear Heart,
Please stop putting so much faith in those who have not and will not prove their love for you. The ache is just too much to bear..... please try to accept the quiet for what it is and enjoy the simple pleasures of a wet nose and fuzzy ears when the warmth of a mans arms is nothing more than a pipe dream.
much appreciation,
jenny


----------



## Salus in Arduis

Dear Joe,

I hope you have all sorts of fun in DC this weekend. I wish I could be there with you, and I can't wait to see you again :wubu:


----------



## Saoirse

Dear Universe,

I know I told you many times that I'm not ready for a relationship, that I need to focus on myself and reprioritize my life. 

But he's perfect for me. And you fucking know it.

We bathed his dogs and watched terrible horror movies in his camper... our first date!

For our second date, he made me a wonderful dinner, got me to play my ukulele by the fire and we held eachother all night long.

He's intelligent, unique, approachable, talented, caring, thoughtful, loves his dogs, drinks awesome beer and has dreams and goals. 

But its those dreams and goals that are making him fucking move to California before winter sets in. 

I went into this wanting friendship and sex. I have both, but now I want more. I want him to go for his dreams and goals with me by his side. I would sell everything I own to go with him and watch the journey that's he's on.

He NEEDS this. You know he needs this, because you put all that responsibilty on the shoulders of a young man. He did everything you asked and now you are letting him go on his way...

Please. Let me go with him.

Im wearing the shirt he wore the other night. Beyond the smell of campfire and clean skin, theres a hint of passion and soul and as I breathe in his scent, a rush of intoxication hits me all over.

This cannot be the end. 

Much love,
N.


----------



## butch

Dear Lovelyone,

I can't rep you for the Patty Griffin song, so here is a letter of thanks. She is the best ever, and anyone who is a fan, is indeed a lovely one.

Best,
a Patty lover


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear egg, bacon and tomato breakfast butty,

I miss you already.

Love,
Amy


----------



## luscious_lulu

CastingPearls said:


> Dear 'his friend',
> 
> Did you honestly, HONESTLY think that because he's around you can say suggestive things and leer at me and demand to know where I'm going? That your offer to take me out to eat (with him by default) to watch me eat while he laughed and made me so uncomfortable that I walked out was CHARMING?
> 
> Did you think that I didn't know that because he doesn't have to balls to ask me a goddamn thing he sent you in to see why I was dressed to go somewhere nice? Did you think I would feel guilty when you flounced and pouted that I don't like you, to him? REALLY? You make my skin crawl.
> 
> If the two of you are so concerned about my whereabouts, ask your friend why he didn't bother telling me where HE'S going whenever he disappears WITH YOU. You wonder why your wife is divorcing you? Guess what? That's something else you two have in common to discuss when you two do lunch everyday.
> 
> I know you're stalking me here on Dims. You're so goddamn stupid you don't realize you're slipping out things I've only mentioned here. Make sure you show him EVERYTHING including the parts where I call him an asexual coward and passive-aggressive controlling asshole. I'm not going to stop being me and I won't be chased out of here either so both of you can fuck off.




Dear Douchebag stalking CP,

Stop being such an asshat.


Dear CP 

you are loved


----------



## CAMellie

My Dearest, Darling Mala,

I love you so very, very much. I can't wait to see you on Tuesday and spend some quality time with you. I've hated the fact that your chemo and radiation has made you too sick and tired for company, but I'm glad that you're up for company now.
I can't believe we've been bestest friends for 15 years now. We've shared secrets with each other that would blow anyone else's mind away. I trust you with all my heart and soul.
I'm scared to see you, though. The weight and hair loss, the fatigue, the nausea...but I will walk on water if I have to to see you again.
I don't know what I'm going to do once you're gone. I'll have a huge hole in my heart that nothing, or noone, will ever fill.
I love you, sweetness.

All my love forever,

Mel

P.S. And you're the only one I will ever let call me Mel....'cause you're my Mala :wubu:


----------



## CAMellie

Dear school,

I was scared when I started you because it's been so long since I've been in school...but I am kicking your ass!!! Solid A's and B's across the board!

Bring it on,
Melanie


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Halloween,

I Miss you already.
You've been over for an hour and ten minutes.
But it feels like forever. 


Come Back Soon,
Your Super-Mega-Ultra-Awesome Fangirl. :smitten: 


PS: You should be more than one day out of the year. If you popped up in spring, I'm pretty sure nobody would complain. (No one important, anyway.  )


----------



## Mishty

Dear Duffy, 

For an entire month you've monopolized my ears, I'm going to remember our good times always, but your voice just made me cringe. I'm sorry, I'm a moody music lover, and you got me through some hard times. You'll be missed.

Till we groove again,

M.


----------



## Dromond

Dear Lord who art in heaven,

I know you are going to take him, so please don't be needlessly cruel. Don't draw it out, end his suffering soon.

Your faithful servant,

Me


----------



## littlefairywren

Dromond said:


> Dear Lord who art in heaven,
> 
> I know you are going to take him, so please don't be needlessly cruel. Don't draw it out, end his suffering soon.
> 
> Your faithful servant,
> 
> Me



Dear Dro,

Hugs, for whatever you are going through 

Kimberly


----------



## NancyGirl74

Dear Self,

Today is a wonderful day for a good Karma cleansing. Wear your smile, don't roll your eyes at your annoying young overly perky co-workers, be patient with that kid who could drive a saint to commit murder by reason of insanity, let the bitterness of others roll off your back, and don't forget to stop at walmart...which has nothing to do with karma but needs to be done anyway.

Have a good day,
Me


----------



## CastingPearls

Dromond said:


> Dear Lord who art in heaven,
> 
> I know you are going to take him, so please don't be needlessly cruel. Don't draw it out, end his suffering soon.
> 
> Your faithful servant,
> 
> Me


Dear Dro,

You know how to find me if you need to vent or need distraction. Any time, buddy. 

Hugs,
CP


----------



## paintsplotch

Dromond said:


> Dear Lord who art in heaven,
> 
> I know you are going to take him, so please don't be needlessly cruel. Don't draw it out, end his suffering soon.
> 
> Your faithful servant,
> 
> Me



aww.... sniffles...... im sorry D.
(((HUG)))


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dromond said:


> Dear Lord who art in heaven,
> 
> I know you are going to take him, so please don't be needlessly cruel. Don't draw it out, end his suffering soon.
> 
> Your faithful servant,
> 
> Me



*Hugs.* It's never easy losing someone... I'm so sorry.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Hawt Lady,
Wish you could be more direct about what you want from me. Or maybe give better hints.
Signed
Confused me.


----------



## Donna

Dromond said:


> Dear Lord who art in heaven,
> 
> I know you are going to take him, so please don't be needlessly cruel. Don't draw it out, end his suffering soon.
> 
> Your faithful servant,
> 
> Me



God, 

Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Please end his suffering, and theirs and be with them all; comfort them. You promised whenever two or more are gathered in Your name, You are in their midst. 

Thank You, 
Another Servant


----------



## Saoirse

Dear Winter-

I love you but I do not want you this year. As soon as you arrive, he's leaving and my time with him is NOT over.

Love,
N.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Cat,

Everyday you contact me and tell me how awful your life is. I know it's not good. I get that. I give you a lot of credit for getting out of bed and dealing. You know for years, I've been listening to you vent your spleen, rail, flail and even make excuses for why you can't do anything to improve your situation. I get it. I know. Life has dealt you a shitty hand.

There are times however, that MY life is falling apart and I need someone to talk to. Someone who doesn't live here or is influenced by all the players...someone who knew me 'before'...someone I know I can trust and not tell anyone else my darkest secrets and fears. You know the worst of me and still love me. I still love you too but I've been needing you and you just don't seem to either care or see it.

I've gotten used to you being envious or pointing out worst case scenarios or even fall completely silent and disappear when I'm deliriously happy. I've even made sure to be sensitive to being overly enthusiastic in case you get offended. When was I allowed to share my joy with you who say you love me like a sister? There's hardly anyone I can do that with right now....

Right now I'm really hurting. Yeah...I feel pain too. Surprised? So I needed you but couldn't be bothered. You're not even interested. I never saddled you with my problems..you can't deny that. I never spent hours crying on your shoulder, though I wanted to. I need to now. I encouraged you and cried with you. Why couldn't you do the same just once with me?

Lainey


----------



## Gingembre

(((((elaine))))


----------



## Paquito

Dear Roommate;

You are 4 years older than me. And yet, something as simple as washing your dishes seems to be too mature for you to handle. You left a ton in the sink, standing in water, for a week while you went on a little trip. It was soooooo important for me to do my 5 dishes a month ago as I was headed out the door for a weekend at home, but you can't be bothered to clean your shit before going away for a week. It's fucking gross in our kitchen, the smell is killing me.

So I'm going to do your dishes. Because that's my kitchen too, and I need to use it. Because I'm tired of the sink smelling like death. I just can't decide if I want to be passive-aggressive and stack them outside your room, or just bitch you out now in front of your friend.


----------



## supersoup

Paquito said:


> Dear Roommate;
> 
> You are 4 years older than me. And yet, something as simple as washing your dishes seems to be too mature for you to handle. You left a ton in the sink, standing in water, for a week while you went on a little trip. It was soooooo important for me to do my 5 dishes a month ago as I was headed out the door for a weekend at home, but you can't be bothered to clean your shit before going away for a week. It's fucking gross in our kitchen, the smell is killing me.
> 
> So I'm going to do your dishes. Because that's my kitchen too, and I need to use it. Because I'm tired of the sink smelling like death. I just can't decide if I want to be passive-aggressive and stack them outside your room, or just bitch you out now in front of your friend.



omg, i have the same kind of roommates, and they are slowly killing me. suckage.


----------



## paintsplotch

dear lainey....

me loveth you.... ((((hug))))
i understand all too well what you are talking about.
i am so sorry.... 
jenny


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Paquito said:


> Dear Roommate;
> 
> You are 4 years older than me. And yet, something as simple as washing your dishes seems to be too mature for you to handle. You left a ton in the sink, standing in water, for a week while you went on a little trip. It was soooooo important for me to do my 5 dishes a month ago as I was headed out the door for a weekend at home, but you can't be bothered to clean your shit before going away for a week. It's fucking gross in our kitchen, the smell is killing me.
> 
> So I'm going to do your dishes. Because that's my kitchen too, and I need to use it. Because I'm tired of the sink smelling like death. I just can't decide if I want to be passive-aggressive and stack them outside your room, or just bitch you out now in front of your friend.





supersoup said:


> omg, i have the same kind of roommates, and they are slowly killing me. suckage.



Ditto the sentiment on crappy roommates--We should form a support group or something


----------



## nettie

Dromond said:


> Dear Lord who art in heaven,
> 
> I know you are going to take him, so please don't be needlessly cruel. Don't draw it out, end his suffering soon.
> 
> Your faithful servant,
> 
> Me



Dear D,
Adding my hugs to the others. Praying that peace, comfort, and strength surround you and your loved ones.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Paquito said:


> Dear Roommate;
> 
> You are 4 years older than me. And yet, something as simple as washing your dishes seems to be too mature for you to handle. You left a ton in the sink, standing in water, for a week while you went on a little trip. It was soooooo important for me to do my 5 dishes a month ago as I was headed out the door for a weekend at home, but you can't be bothered to clean your shit before going away for a week. It's fucking gross in our kitchen, the smell is killing me.
> 
> So I'm going to do your dishes. Because that's my kitchen too, and I need to use it. Because I'm tired of the sink smelling like death. I just can't decide if I want to be passive-aggressive and stack them outside your room, or just bitch you out now in front of your friend.





supersoup said:


> omg, i have the same kind of roommates, and they are slowly killing me. suckage.


When I had a roommate, he and I went through the same thing that I called dish gate. Dishes were left dirty almost a full two weeks. He finally got the hint that I wasn't doing his shit and it wasn't an issue after that.

Good luck!


----------



## NancyGirl74

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Self,
> 
> Today is a wonderful day for a good Karma cleansing. Wear your smile, don't roll your eyes at your annoying young overly perky co-workers, be patient with that kid who could drive a saint to commit murder by reason of insanity, let the bitterness of others roll off your back, and don't forget to stop at walmart...which has nothing to do with karma but needs to be done anyway.
> 
> Have a good day,
> Me



Dear NancyGirl74,

Who would have thought that the most challenging part of the above post would be remembering to go to Walmart. Second day in a row, girl. Get it together, Nance.


----------



## Mishty

Trent,

That is some kind of crazy grudge you've got there.

I kinda always knew you didn't like me Uncle Billy,ever, and if I hadn't been 19 years old and still on speaking terms with your ex-wife, eventually you would have found something to keep me away from you, and I'm okay with that now, I'm not some scared stupid little girl worried if Mama's little brother likes her, I could give two shits really, I just hoped you would come around for Mama's sake, because her and Daddy still love you so much you moron, and to turn away love is the most ignorant thing a man can do.

Really? How can you hate your own flesh and blood, man? I just don't get it.

Do you ever worry about Mama? Do you ever think about Rodney *****? I mean at all, do they(not me) ever cross your mind? Maybe you think you are better than us, and what we are.
Do you? Because your pictures still hang on these walls, your newspaper clippings still get pulled out and passed around. These people you so easily pushed aside like they were nothing still love you.

I took back the friend request I sent you and admit it was a mistake, can't believe I tried to be mature and add you, what a fucking joke. I had a pathetic moment. Damn me and my stupid desire to make Mama happy.

You keep punishing people for my mistakes, I don't mind. You aren't going to grow as a person with all this contempt and bitterness inside you Billy, ever.

Your niece,
Misty.


P.S. I love you still. 



I win because I'm still open to the world, and all it's wonders.
You loose because you let your heart become a block of ice.
It doesn't make you a bad ass, or a mans man to be emotionless blob of nothing. It makes you weak. Any man can hate another human being, but only brilliant strong minded men love without contempt for their own emotions. 

I actually just sent this a few seconds ago, and I feel a lot better.:blush:


----------



## archivaltype

Dear Valley,

I am sad the school levy failed. Teachers are going to lose their jobs, programs will get cut, and our students are going to suffer. It's goddamn education people. I know we're a little rural town, but if you don't know and/or care that education is important, please go back to your cave painting. This is a horrible reflection on all of us in the valley. It's not like it was even a giant levy in the first place. But I suppose it doesn't matter now, and here's to hoping for a little change in the future. 
Disappointedly yours, 
a valley alum


----------



## CastingPearls

Mishty said:


> still love you so much you moron, and to turn away love is the most ignorant thing a man can do.
> 
> P.S. I love you still.



Dear you,

Everything she said above, you self-absorbed jerk.

I feel like such a fool but I know I'm not. I do know I don't like feeling this way. If you don't appreciate a wonderful gift, you'll lose it. If you don't care, I pity you. 

Lainey


----------



## paintsplotch

Dearest Karma,
you suck. i always do what i should... over extend for others... help out everyone i know..... always there as the shoulder to cry on and the one person people call when its 2 am and they need a ride home. i never ever ask for anything in return. i do it cuz thats what friends do and its the right thing to do. 
ok... so i do ask that the powers that be send me someone to love... so why do you always pull my heartstrings for people i cannot have?
tall, geeky, cute and single.... like wtf! he doesnt like big girls... why do i always have to be the best friend and not the GIRLFRIEND? why? is this some kind of sick cosmic joke? fuck you karma. you suck. i hope my dog shits on your shoes.
love and kisses...
jenny


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear hot guys on FF,

Stop turning out to be 17.

Yours,
Amy


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Jenny and Mishty,

hugs

Love Lainey


----------



## Bigtigmom

CurvyEm said:


> Thanks.
> 
> Long story short. I've got 2 cats living at my mums house, shes had them so long now that they're probably more her cats than mine. On my birthday whilst my mum was out one of the cats got run over and was found crawling back to her house, the old lady who found her rang the RSPCA for help and they told her they didn't deal with domestic animals that had been hurt in traffic accidents, so the poor old lady sat on the street and stroked andi whilst she died.




This makes me sad and thankful at the same time Em. While it totally sucks that your precious cat was run over by a car, your baby was not alone when she passed. She was loved for a bit by a gentle and sweet soul while she crossed over. If it were me I think I would be very thankful and comforted by the thought of that. I'm so sorry for your loss sweetie.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear LOUD never stops talking co-worker,

SHUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!! And also please stop with the orgasmic sounding stretches (I mean what ARE you doing over there??!!) and chunky-phlegm-make me want to vomit- coughing (it may be time to stop smoking...ya think??!!) 

Disgusted,

Me


ps- take a lesson from Yo Gabba Gabba... "inside voice...qui-et!" even kids get it!!!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Dad,

I don't hate her, I just hate talking to you with her around, because I feel I cannot have an in-depth conversation about my feelings, without being judged. 

Just a little explanation,
Your Daughter.


----------



## Famouslastwords

fat9276 said:


> Dear LOUD never stops talking co-worker,
> 
> SHUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!! And also please stop with the orgasmic sounding stretches (I mean what ARE you doing over there??!!) and chunky-phlegm-make me want to vomit- coughing (it may be time to stop smoking...ya think??!!)
> 
> Disgusted,
> 
> Me
> 
> 
> ps- take a lesson from Yo Gabba Gabba... "inside voice...qui-et!" even kids get it!!!



Dear Girlie,

Is this the coworker that stinks up the bathroom? Or is it the coworker that mooches gum? Or neither? Sheesh, I'd be afraid to be your coworker =P

Yours,

FLW


----------



## AuntHen

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear Girlie,
> 
> Is this the coworker that stinks up the bathroom? Or is it the coworker that mooches gum? Or neither? Sheesh, I'd be afraid to be your coworker =P
> 
> Yours,
> 
> FLW




Dear FLW,

Neither... yes I can be an irritable co-worker haha, I admit it. But these people are OFF THE CHAIN! I wish I could work from home  By the way.. that lady mooches *and *POPS gum all day...there are too many bathroom stinkers to count or remember names  

Sincerely, 

Me

ps- I invite you to come and see what I am talking about though! I call it the 
"hen house"


----------



## Dromond

Dear World,

Bugger off.

Signed,

Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dromond said:


> Dear World,
> 
> Bugger off.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Me


-Squeezes a letter tightly- 

Dear Dromond, 

Enclosed is one super hug, and all the happy thoughts I could muster. 

Willing to send more daily,
Megan.


----------



## Famouslastwords

fat9276 said:


> Dear FLW,
> 
> Neither... yes I can be an irritable co-worker haha, I admit it. But these people are OFF THE CHAIN! I wish I could work from home  By the way.. that lady mooches *and *POPS gum all day...there are too many bathroom stinkers to count or remember names
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Me
> 
> ps- I invite you to come and see what I am talking about though! I call it the
> "hen house"



If there's a road rage version of coworker rage, you have it surely. And I meant the bathroom stinker who goes in without her shoes on, of course. FWIW everytime I think I should give a courtesy flush because of the smell (even in my own home) and I don't because I don't want the germs in my cooter, I think of you.



Dromond said:


> Dear World,
> 
> Bugger off.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Me




Awww dear, I'm sorry you're upset. *hugs*


----------



## Mishty

Famouslastwords said:


> FWIW everytime I think I should give a courtesy flush because of the smell (even in my own home) and I don't because I don't want the germs in my cooter, I think of you.



Dear FLW,
Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one with this toilet flushing germ take over of my cooter fear... I feel less paranoid. 


Signed,
-No Courtesy Flushes.


----------



## AuntHen

Famouslastwords said:


> If there's a road rage version of coworker rage, you have it surely. And I meant the bathroom stinker who goes in without her shoes on, of course. FWIW everytime I think I should give a courtesy flush because of the smell (even in my own home) and I don't because I don't want the germs in my cooter, I think of you.




Dear FLW,

No! Not co-worker rage. They do not even know that they annoy me (I just put on my headphones at work and TRY to tune them out). I was raised with manners! It's not like I run after them with a stapler or something . I vent about it on here (like everyone else and their issues) or in my journal or when I take my nightly walks. Don't worry... I'm a lover not a fighter 

Take care and don't forget to flush! haha

Me


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Mishty said:


> Dear FLW,
> Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one with this toilet flushing germ take over of my cooter fear... I feel less paranoid.
> 
> 
> Signed,
> -No Courtesy Flushes.



Nope, and you're not paranoid. It's a FACT that germs from the toilet spray SIX FEET up in the air when you flush. This is why you should 1) never courtesy flush and 2) never keep your toothbrush above the toilet. You're not paranoid, you're smart.

Sorry fat9276, you'd hate me, too, if I worked with you, but I don't want your germs! Kthx.


----------



## Famouslastwords

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Nope, and you're not paranoid. It's a FACT that germs from the toilet spray SIX FEET up in the air when you flush. This is why you should 1) never courtesy flush and 2) never keep your toothbrush above the toilet. You're not paranoid, you're smart.
> 
> Sorry fat9276, you'd hate me, too, if I worked with you, but I don't want your germs! Kthx.



This is why I hate automatic toilets such as the ones at the local movie theater. Cuz they almost inevitably flush before I even stand straight, much less get my pants on and away from the toilet.


----------



## nettie

Dear friend:

Today you sat by your mother's bedside watching her slip away. And while you never left my side when my own mother passed 30 years ago, all I can offer is comfort from 650 miles away. Your mom was part of the triumvirate of women who stepped in to be my role models and guides into adulthood. My heart is filled with memories of time spent with her; we were a family forged not from blood but by the deepest of friendships. My mother treasured her and I adore her.

Love you.
Me.


----------



## mimosa

Dear son, 
Thanks for distracting me with half of your cheeseburger and Madagascar 2. I really needed that. It kept me from calling someone I really wanted to talk to. But maybe should not bother. I love you today and always.

Love,
Your Mama


----------



## mimosa

Dear unsalted sweet potato chips,

All you needed was some hotsauce to taste better. Come to mama. ;-)


----------



## Mathias

fat9276 said:


> Dear LOUD never stops talking co-worker,
> 
> SHUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!! And also please stop with the orgasmic sounding stretches (I mean what ARE you doing over there??!!) and chunky-phlegm-make me want to vomit- coughing (it may be time to stop smoking...ya think??!!)
> 
> Disgusted,
> 
> Me
> 
> 
> ps- take a lesson from Yo Gabba Gabba... "inside voice...qui-et!" even kids get it!!!



Dear fat9276,

I went through the same exact thing while typing up a paper this afternoon. Some woman felt the need to make additional fake half whistling/sneezing noises whenever she cleared her throat. She cleared her throat very often. I feel your pain.

-Matt


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Snow
Go away. Its fat too soon for you to make an appearance.
Go away now.


----------



## LovelyLiz

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Snow
> Go away. Its fat too soon for you to make an appearance.
> Go away now.



I love the little Freudian slip here.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Stepmom,

Where is the love and tolerance you preach now?
Where is the patience and understanding you claim the lord has given you? 

It's no wonder my 7 year old stepbrother is telling me that I am evil, selfish, and an overall BAD PERSON just because I don't believe in _his_ god. It's no wonder he thinks that anyone who doesn't believe in _his_ god, must follow "Satan" and therefore be a horrible person, right up next to Charles Manson. 

Thank you for making me more and more bitter by the day. 

Sincerely,
The Baggage that came along with marrying _him_.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Weekend,


I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :happy:

Me


----------



## Saoirse

Dear D,

I bought you a ukulele cause you really liked mine and I figured it would be a cute going-away present. I hope you think of me every time you play it. <3

Love
N.


----------



## Lovelyone

mcbeth said:


> I love the little Freudian slip here.


 
oh I suffer from FFS...fat finger syndrome. They type what ever they want to type without regard to what I want them to type.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear *Most *Beautiful Boy,

You put me on cloud-nine! It never stops! It never ceases! How is it possible? It just is. You just are. So beautiful outside, even *more *beautiful *inside*! Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... even on our toughest days (usually my fault haha) you shine like a million polished diamonds :happy: Every Jane Austen lover will hate me for this, but all the Mr. Darcies and Colonel Brandons and Cpt. Wentworths, etc absolutely "can't hold a candle" to *you*! I float, I flit, I fly (a chubby girl made weightless )! You bring sunshine even on the rainiest days. I am intoxicated by you, dear dear boy! :wubu:

Loop hole x 10!!! :kiss2::kiss2:

~B~


----------



## mimosa

Dear guys, 

Want to cure a horny woman? Just be mean and yell at her for no reason. She will dry up like desert in no time! 

Cured


----------



## Weirdo890

Dear self,

Get off of your lazy ass and start drawing.


----------



## Proner

Dear clouds,

Ok fun is over, you made rain fall like crazy for five days now it's time to stop.

P.S: I'm a friend of the sun so be careful, one day he could come kick your cloud's bum 

Soaked Proner


----------



## Famouslastwords

Proner said:


> Dear clouds,
> 
> Ok fun is over, you made rain fall like crazy for five days now it's time to stop.
> 
> P.S: I'm a friend of the sun so be careful, one day he could come kick your cloud's bum
> 
> Soaked Proner



Dear Proner's clouds,

WHY the F**K won't you rain in my city. PLEASE, it's November already!

Sincerely,

Pissed about the weather FLW


----------



## littlefairywren

fat9276 said:


> Dear *Most *Beautiful Boy,
> 
> You put me on cloud-nine! It never stops! It never ceases! How is it possible? It just is. You just are. So beautiful outside, even *more *beautiful *inside*! Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... even on our toughest days (usually my fault haha) you shine like a million polished diamonds :happy: Every Jane Austen lover will hate me for this, but all the Mr. Darcies and Colonel Brandons and Cpt. Wentworths, etc absolutely "can't hold a candle" to *you*! I float, I flit, I fly (a chubby girl made weightless )! You bring sunshine even on the rainiest days. I am intoxicated by you, dear dear boy! :wubu:
> 
> Loop hole x 10!!! :kiss2::kiss2:
> 
> ~B~



Dear B,

I am so, so happy for you! This made me smile, and go all awww inside. You deserve it my sweet girl :happy:

Love
Kimberly


----------



## CastingPearls

fat9276 said:


> Dear *Most *Beautiful Boy,
> 
> You put me on cloud-nine! It never stops! It never ceases! How is it possible? It just is. You just are. So beautiful outside, even *more *beautiful *inside*! Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... even on our toughest days (usually my fault haha) you shine like a million polished diamonds :happy: Every Jane Austen lover will hate me for this, but all the Mr. Darcies and Colonel Brandons and Cpt. Wentworths, etc absolutely "can't hold a candle" to *you*! I float, I flit, I fly (a chubby girl made weightless )! You bring sunshine even on the rainiest days. I am intoxicated by you, dear dear boy! :wubu:
> 
> Loop hole x 10!!! :kiss2::kiss2:
> 
> ~B~


I'm very happy for you too!


----------



## BrownEyedChica

Dear Cousin,

We have a four hour drive tomorrow... and as always you will be driving. Please.. don't text and drive. You dont know how many times I've gotten scared because you do that when i'm in the car. I told you last time that it seemed that you wanted to get us both killed.. and if that was her intention..so be it. But it seems that it is still an ungoing problem. *sigh* Please dont have me bitch about you textingi.. because I have to be in a car with you and share a room with you all weekend long with you. I dont want to be a bitch! I want us to have a good time, like we always do. 

Anyways... I hope you do stop texting when I ask you to please stop while you are driving. 

luv,
your cousin


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Dear Roommate, 

I am thankful that you asked me how I felt about getting a dog before I went on Vacation; therefore I very cordially sat down with you and went over the pros and cons of having a dog/puppy in a second story apartment.

I am NOT thankful what so ever, that after we agreed on not getting you, you waiting for me to leave for my vacation and got a puppy while I was out, only to come home to find a puppy chewing up my socks. 

Today I came home to my room smelling like piss. 

fuck you. 

I love you, 

Hozay


----------



## Paquito

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Dear Roommate,
> 
> I am thankful that you asked me how I felt about getting a dog before I went on Vacation; therefore I very cordially sat down with you and went over the pros and cons of having a dog/puppy in a second story apartment.
> 
> I am NOT thankful what so ever, that after we agreed on not getting you, you waiting for me to leave for my vacation and got a puppy while I was out, only to come home to find a puppy *chewing up my socks*.
> 
> Today I came home to my room smelling like piss.
> 
> fuck you.
> 
> I love you,
> 
> Hozay



NOT THE SOCKS

Oh God, you killed that puppy, didn't you?


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Paquito said:


> NOT THE SOCKS
> 
> Oh God, you killed that puppy, didn't you?



I'm glad you understand my pain. For everyone that doesn't know, my socks are my favorite fashion accessory. *le sigh*


----------



## Donna

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> I'm glad you understand my pain. For everyone that doesn't know, my socks are my favorite fashion accessory. *le sigh*



Dear Mr. Garseeya; 

Save yourself some headaches and pick up your favorite fashion accessories off the floor so the puppy cannot get to them. And your shoes (especially leather ones) might be best up off the floor or in a closed closet.) Trust me, I have lost more pairs of socks and shoes (amongst other things, including a credit card...try explaining that to Visa customer service) to puppies than I care to admit. 

Signed; 
The Dog Momma


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Donna said:


> Dear Mr. Garseeya;
> 
> Save yourself some headaches and pick up your favorite fashion accessories off the floor so the puppy cannot get to them. And your shoes (especially leather ones) might be best up off the floor or in a closed closet.) Trust me, I have lost more pairs of socks and shoes (amongst other things, including a credit card...try explaining that to Visa customer service) to puppies than I care to admit.
> 
> Signed;
> The Dog Momma



heh, thank you. I've been trying to, so I've just resorted to closing my door and suffering the terrible heat when I get home. I put my socks in a hamper, but the dog was getting in there as well . . . SO, door closed it is. oh well.


----------



## Surlysomething

Dear peoples of the world,

Cologne/perfume is supposed to be pleasant. You do NOT need to douse yourself in it. When you do and people can actually taste it because you have so much on, you have ruined it's purpose. I don't like smelling you from 10 feet away. Nor do I like that lingering, over-powering smell because you have just vaporized an entire aisle or section of a store or restaurant by just walking through it.

Less IS more.

Thank you.


----------



## Donna

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> heh, thank you. I've been trying to, so I've just resorted to closing my door and suffering the terrible heat when I get home. I put my socks in a hamper, but the dog was getting in there as well . . . SO, door closed it is. oh well.



You can always give him alternatives. When my little ones were pups, we gave them lots of chewy toys and even took a few old tube socks and knotted them. The knotted tube sock is still one of their favorite chewy toys, second only to their rag ropes. 

Oh, and the pissy smell you mentioned in a previous post? Nature's Miracle really is a miracle.


----------



## Webmaster

I definitely second this. A tiny bit can be a sexy allure at times, but for the most part I prefer nothing at all. And folks who are permeated with scents, well, that's really more of a repellent. 




Surlysomething said:


> Dear peoples of the world,
> 
> Cologne/perfume is supposed to be pleasant. You do NOT need to douse yourself in it. When you do and people can actually taste it because you have so much on, you have ruined it's purpose. I don't like smelling you from 10 feet away. Nor do I like that lingering, over-powering smell because you have just vaporized an entire aisle or section of a store or restaurant by just walking through it.
> 
> Less IS more.
> 
> Thank you.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear tooth,

Ow ow fuckity ow!


I hate you!
Mellie


----------



## Mishty

Dear Friends,

I always know two steps before you have mini break downs, I'm there the minute it occurs....waiting. With tissue,chocolate,substances,beer, a shoulder and my ears. So can you please explain why I'm so god damn alone tonight? After half of you saw what happened last night, saw how crazy everything went, saw how upset I was.... I even went afterward and cleaned up an entire villages mess. Yet, I am unable to sleep still. Depressed to the max, and feeling pretty fucking close to the proverbial edge here. Where are y'all?
Let's see, you are with your ex husband that isn't your ex husband at all because I've yet to see proof you divorced him, I'm very close to thinking I can't handle your lying. Then what? Yeah you can put up with more from me that everyone else, BUT I'm all you have. I wonder why. I'm the only one that can love you for how great you are AND how imperfect you can be. 
There is you, of course. Right in the middle of all the bull shit. I'm to old, and to wise to let you pull me back down to the low points. When we were young our late night motto of "Whoa 'nother low point in muh liffffe" was adorable. Now? Not so much. Look back at last night girl, what were you doing? Really? I rescued you from jail, a beating and yourself. Where are you tonight? Oh? Not here. Yeah I didn't invite you, and yeah I said I was fine....but you didn't want to be here.
You. I just want you to know. I shouldn't have to explain, or beg. I'm just sad we've drifted, but you did it. I feel like the trouble maker because you can't defend yourself, and you wouldn't be right for this job of "Cleaning my life up" but it would have been nice for you to *want* to be here.
Man. You. Even in your jokes and snark you could see how upset I was, but couldn't handle it tonight because you are an amazing father, and an amazing man. I wish I could confide in you, I wish I didn't feel so attracted to you I could trust you more, but I don't trust my body. It's a bizarre thing, really. I enjoyed spending time with you and your daughter, I loved the gingerbread houses and the stinky golden retriever. Keeping a smile on my face was almost impossible. So I left, and instead of feeling pissy, I feel bad for leaving you, even though I'm not at my best right now. I can't be strong for you.



Signed,
More confused than ever.


----------



## mimosa

Dear B, 

All I know is that I love you with all of my heart. You can always count on that. 



Love, 

N


----------



## Surlysomething

Mishty said:


> Dear Friends,
> 
> I always know two steps before you have mini break downs, I'm there the minute it occurs....waiting. With tissue,chocolate,substances,beer, a shoulder and my ears. So can you please explain why I'm so god damn alone tonight? After half of you saw what happened last night, saw how crazy everything went, saw how upset I was.... I even went afterward and cleaned up an entire villages mess. Yet, I am unable to sleep still. Depressed to the max, and feeling pretty fucking close to the proverbial edge here. Where are y'all?
> Let's see, you are with your ex husband that isn't your ex husband at all because I've yet to see proof you divorced him, I'm very close to thinking I can't handle your lying. Then what? Yeah you can put up with more from me that everyone else, BUT I'm all you have. I wonder why. I'm the only one that can love you for how great you are AND how imperfect you can be.
> There is you, of course. Right in the middle of all the bull shit. I'm to old, and to wise to let you pull me back down to the low points. When we were young our late night motto of "Whoa 'nother low point in muh liffffe" was adorable. Now? Not so much. Look back at last night girl, what were you doing? Really? I rescued you from jail, a beating and yourself. Where are you tonight? Oh? Not here. Yeah I didn't invite you, and yeah I said I was fine....but you didn't want to be here.
> You. I just want you to know. I shouldn't have to explain, or beg. I'm just sad we've drifted, but you did it. I feel like the trouble maker because you can't defend yourself, and you wouldn't be right for this job of "Cleaning my life up" but it would have been nice for you to *want* to be here.
> Man. You. Even in your jokes and snark you could see how upset I was, but couldn't handle it tonight because you are an amazing father, and an amazing man. I wish I could confide in you, I wish I didn't feel so attracted to you I could trust you more, but I don't trust my body. It's a bizarre thing, really. I enjoyed spending time with you and your daughter, I loved the gingerbread houses and the stinky golden retriever. Keeping a smile on my face was almost impossible. So I left, and instead of feeling pissy, I feel bad for leaving you, even though I'm not at my best right now. I can't be strong for you.
> 
> 
> 
> Signed,
> More confused than ever.



Damn. I wish things didn't turn into cluster-f's so often. 
I feel you on this.

Chin up, lady. You sound like an amazing friend. Maybe you need to not be around so much for them so they know what they're missing.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the Sky,

So you came through for me big time, and I just need to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

That other thing, that thing you and I spoke about....well, I really need you to look into it. I don't like loose ends, and this is a whopper! Can't you just throw something into the whopper's line of sight, to make it easier for the ties to be severed. You know I love music, but this is not nice!!

Love 
Kimberly


----------



## Mathias

Dear Reality, Universe, God,

Please let me see her tomorrow. I'm begging you. It's been three years since we've saw each other last. I need this and after everything she's had to go through the past few months, I think she does too. 

-Matt


----------



## Christov

Dear flatmates,

You use my utensils, knives, and chopping boards without asking and never wash them up, you use my chicken claiming you'll buy me some in return but never do, you never take the bins out and wait for me to do it instead, and now I'm wide awake at 4AM because you thought it would be perfectly fine for you to have a party on a Monday night which has resulted in the whole flat and my room to smell of cigarettes somehow. 

Fuck off forever,

Christov.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Thief--

God sees what you have done and will handle you in his own sweet time and with his own sweet justice. I do not have to and will not coerse things to happen. They will happen when God is ready. I however, can hope that you feel guilt when you look at the pictures of my dead mother that you stole from me. I hope that every time that you look at those pictures you can hear her saying how disappointed in you she is. I pray that everytime you glance at the pictures a twinge of guilt and shame passes over you. I hope that someone hurts you as you have hurt me. I know its not a Christian thing to think or act in such a way about another person, and in time God will deal with me about what I am thinking about you. For now I am okay in knowing that I have my own bad karma coming to me from wishing you ill will. 
I know that as a christian and as a human being I am suppose to be proud to know you and say that you are part of my family...but I am not. I am completely ashamed and embarassed to admit that you are a family member. When people ask me about you I just tell them that I do not know the person that you've become--and do not want to know you. You've given yourself such a bad reputation that no one wants to know you. You've hurt and lied to everyone in your family and do not care that you've done so (because if you did, you would make amends for that which you have done). You've burned bridges that you haven't tried to cross yet and haven't realized that what you've done hurts only yourself in the long run, because now you are stranded on the other side all BY YOURSELF and that tickles me pink. No one wants to help you, no one wants to open up their lives to you because they know from past experience that you will hurt them if they do.
It disgusts me that you think its okay to take other peoples memories from them, because you weren't raised that way. She (my mom) would have been ashamed to have you in her family had she known how much you took from us. Wasn't stealing from her when she was alive enough for you?? Now you want to embarass her in the afterlife too?
It would be a blessing in disguise if you gave back to me what you've taken. Lord knows that I want those pictures back. I could use the money that you've stolen, the money from the baseball cards that you ripped off from me and pawned , the CD's back that you stole, the jewelry and other personal articles that you decided it was okay to take from someone who EARNED them by working and paying for them herself. It would be nice if you actually made an attempt to repay that which you have stolen from honest people...but you never will-- because it would unravel that shakey foundation on that fake life that you've built up for yourself in order to "keep up with the Jones's". The DVD's that you are watching...I paid for them. The music that you listen to...I paid for that, too. The clothing on your back...paid for by me in one way, shape or form. The cigarettes and alcohol that you drank on that night after you stole from me and pawned my stuff...paid for my me. I hope it felt good to party on the blood, sweat and tears of another person--because you'll have to answer for that some day and I hope that I am not anywhere near you when those black clouds of Karma roll in and rain down hell upon you..because that's gonna be a mighty storm, Oh, yes it is!! I hope that you feel good knowing that. I know I do. I hope that when you face God and he shows you that long list of things that you've stolen and ways that at you have hurt people--you have some really good answers for Him as to why you did those things because I fear that you will not have the right answers and well...hell fires always need someone to fan them. I am sure for you they will welcome you with open arms.

Sign me,

"Watching the black mark on your name become so big that you will never be able hide your shame."


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Sexy Guy I Met Through My Friends,

We have been pussy footing over this issue a little too long for my taste. I understand why you took the ex back ..y'all had only been broken up a week and y'all have a history together and you and i haven't known each other long at all. So that makes sense to me, that you would take her back...but to keep stringing me along isn't very nice and to flirt with me in front of her to the point that she gets pissed off well..that makes me wonder if you're playing games. I'm not sure if it's that or if we just can't help flirting with each other while we're in the same room. BUT...You don't know me well enough to know that i'll be moving on along to the next guy because i'm not gonna allow that to continue on for a long time. 

It's frustrating though...cuz when we sit and stare at each other across the room it's like we both get lost in each others eyes and it feels as if there's nobody else in the room until the spell is broken..that's seriously intense and i know you feel it too..i can see it in your eyes and it's strong. 

My interest will stay piqued for a little bit longer...but, if someone else comes along that i like.... well...your flirting days with me may be over. So you should really consider if you're making the right choice.

Impatiently,

Me


----------



## CAMellie

A.B.,

Only 1 week left in your class. Your blatant fataphobic attitude made me cry more times than I can count, but I beat you! I win! Solid B+ with 1 week to go.
Kiss my fat ass!!! 

M.


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dearest Attention-Seeking Whore,

Though you are on my Facebook page, at the moment, I do not need to see you ga-ga over my cousin about how much of a 'bestie' you two are. FFS, you're friends. That's great. But there's no need to post that shit every moment of your day. 

You think you are making people who you used to be 'besties' with (not me, because I don't even talk to you anymore and haven't in a long time) jealous? Of what?! Gag me with a spoon! Get out of your elementary school mentality and grow the fuck up please. Kthxbye!

Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Thursday
Please come quickly.
Ty.

Dear mother nature
Please sync your weather network up with Thursday's blackberry and make sure that you are communicating with one another. We need to have decent weather to go out in.
Ty


----------



## mimosa

*Dear hater, 

Sorry to disappoint you, but I am not against anyone. How can I hate someone because they have a different belief system than my own? Actually, I find the person a lot more interesting. You are just going to have to find someone else to harass. 

In peace and love, 

Mimosa*


----------



## largenlovely

Dear New Pair of Pants,

You were just hanging on the rack waiting for me..it was destiny because i had walked in the store in search of you. I had no idea that you would be doubly marked down and you were the only pair of pants on the clearance rack in my size *and* in the style that i was looking for...and not to mention the fact that you fit in JUST the way that i wanted you to....we were meant to be together and i can't wait to wear you on Friday night.

Longingly,

Me


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Black Friday Sales,

Please put on sale that special gift for my bf that I keep looking for at a price that fits my budget!

Hopefully Yours,
Moi


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear Ignorant Ex,

W.T.F? Did your 'stupid cells' multiply exponentially after you left me? You started dating someone else, much younger than you, who later dumped your ass in such a mean fashion that even had me convinced she was a psycho! She called you worthless among many other personal things and tonight you tell me that she wants you back, and you are confused? Seriously?! Here I begged you to give our marriage a second chance, that together we could work out the minor issues that you laid on me, that made me feel like shit. But this girl, who you've only known (to my knowledge) a couple of months, treated you like shit and talked to you like a dog - and you're considering getting back with her?? 

I can't fathom the idea. I guess I should've treated you likewise, to get the same consideration. Though, I can't do that, because it's not my style. I can't even treat you the way you deserve at this very moment, because that's not me. 

But whatever - I have my closure and I have moved on..really, I have. I just can't believe what I'm hearing from you. Things have a way of working themselves out..I've definitely learned things about you since you've been gone, that I had no idea about while we were together. Best of luck to you - you're going to need it!

Me.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Hollywood,

If your going to RAPE my darling Harry, You'd better use lube!


Hating Your 3-D Crazy Bullshit "Fad",
Moi.


----------



## Ample Pie

Dear you,

I thought you'd ruined a few things, important things at that, but I'm finding now that you didn't! That the goodness in them was inside me and even your lies couldn't and didn't tarnish them. That makes me so much happier than I can express!

formerly yours,
Me


----------



## DearPrudence

Dear BookTV,

Thank you for having Meghan McCain on to show off her book, "Dirty, Sexy Politics." I'm ashamed to say that I sometimes judge people based solely on my own assumptions of them, and I was happy to see that she isn't "just" John McCain's daughter, but has her own mind and ideas, many of which I actually agree with.

Pleasantly surprised, 

Prudy


----------



## Webmaster

Dear destiny,

I see all these posts from women who have been wronged by evil men, but only very few posts from men who have been wronged by evil women. Would you please even things out a bit, or at least make everyone report equally? Thank you.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Thanksgiving-
I can't wait for you to get here. The house is already starting to smell like delicious baked goods. 

Nurah-Thanks for getting the stupid cat out of my room.

Eden-I loved watching your barbie mermaid take a dive off of the couch into the murky depths of the front room carpeting. She's a very good mermaid.

Meatloaf-You were delicious tonight...tell the chef I loved you--wait *I* was the chef. Damn I am good!


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Dad,

I love you for waking me up 6:30 this morning to ask me what I wanted to drink on Thursday. I think about how you taught me to cook with wild abandon and that feeding people is so much about loving them. I know you're getting older and your stubborn pride makes it hard to pass the torch but you taught me everything you know, so sit back and watch the game. 

You'll always have the seat at the head of the table. 

Love and leftovers,
Peaches


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Body/Face/Self-Image,

I don't like you today!  I am sorry...I will try to love you more tomorrow but right now I just think you are ugly! Please wake refreshed in the morning and I will try to be kinder to you.

So Sorry,

Your Mind


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Guy from PoF,

Your Weird.
How many times do I have to politely decline before you get it?
Yeah. I said flat out: I don't do Hunters,Fishers, or Sports Fans. 

...GTFO my Yahoo. Bish! 


Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the Sky,

Thank you for my best friend, I love him!

Kimmie


----------



## rellis10

Dear Amanda,

I hope you get home safe and sound and I can't wait to talk to you later.

With Love, 
Rick


----------



## DearPrudence

Dear Little Sister,

I am SO GLAD you are home for Thanksgiving break! We always have so much fun together, and this week is going to be a total blast!  You're pretty much the best thing mom and dad ever gave me. I love you.

Your big sis.


----------



## Amaranthine

rellis10 said:


> Dear Amanda,
> 
> I hope you get home safe and sound and I can't wait to talk to you later.
> 
> With Love,
> Rick



Dear Rick,

I'm home and I'm safe and I'm sound :happy: My mom's taking me to the grocery so I can hoard food for the weekend, and then I'll be right back home to talk to you. I kept myself occupied on the ride home by thinking of you, but not like that's unusual. 

Love,
Amanda


----------



## Saoirse

dear friend-

we had some fun this summer, didnt we? and even though we both got to a weird awkward stage and didnt hang out for 2 months... i feel like its normal again. seeing you last night was a breath of fresh air... you're so damn cool!

i feel like the awkwardness melted away. you were your normal happy, smiling, laughing, adorable self and i was so excited when you plunked your hot, skinny ass right next to me on the couch. :blush:

lets continue down this road and see whats in the future. i *knew* my time with you wasn't over just yet.


----------



## Paquito

rellis10 said:


> Dear Amanda,
> 
> I hope you get home safe and sound and I can't wait to talk to you later.
> 
> With Love,
> Rick





Amaranthine said:


> Dear Rick,
> 
> I'm home and I'm safe and I'm sound :happy: My mom's taking me to the grocery so I can hoard food for the weekend, and then I'll be right back home to talk to you. I kept myself occupied on the ride home by thinking of you, but not like that's unusual.
> 
> Love,
> Amanda



Dear Rimanda, 

Thanks for giving me diabetes.


----------



## Christov

Dear dinner,

I blasted you with ketchup, yet I can still taste the weird 'festering in a bag for days' thing at the back of my throat. Not cool.

Avoiding grocery shopping like a pro,
Christov.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the Sky,

You know how much I love my girl, and you know how frustrated I am because I can't help her. So why are you letting her do this on her own. You really need to back off now....please. Go whack someone who actually deserves it. I can even send you a list if you don't know who to target.

Love
Kimberly


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Christmas,

I don't know how to explain it but for the first time in years I'm looking forward to you. I don't need any gifts or fancy things or go anywhere special..it's kinda weird. The commercialism isn't even bothering me. 

I stopped being friends with you cos Mom and Lisa died and I felt like we weren't a family anymore especially since you're Lisa's birthday but that inexplicably changed. 

I think I just feel thankful and hopeful. I'm gonna pick up a little tree and decorate it with a few family ornaments. Gonna throw a Duraflame log in the fireplace and really enjoy old movies, gingerbread cookies and hot chocolate. 
Gonna call some friends and make plans. Gonna drive around and look at the lights and put up some of my own. Gonna relax and enjoy simply.

Nice to meet you again.

Love,
Lainey


----------



## Paquito

Dear Black Friday Shoppers - 

You're fucking ridiculous. Just know that this shit isn't a joke, the weak get killed. So, take a golf driver club, bronze knuckles, and a rape whistle.

Godspeed.


----------



## Famouslastwords

Paquito said:


> Dear Black Friday Shoppers -
> 
> You're fucking ridiculous. Just know that this shit isn't a joke, the weak get killed. So, take a golf driver club, bronze knuckles, and a rape whistle.
> 
> Godspeed.



Dear Paquito,

You're right, shit ain't no joke. IT'S SERIOUS BUSINESS LIKE TEH INTERNETZ.


I'll be armed with a human shield. 

Love, 

I'll be taking my imaginary rape whistle too.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Lainey-
I wanted to rep you for this post cos it made me smile to know that you've gotten your Christmas spirit back but this darned rep system refuses to let me do it again so soon. I hope that you do it up right and that you enjoy every minute of it. I know I will be routing for you. (((hugs))) 
Terri 
P.S. I want some of those gingerbread cookies! 




CastingPearls said:


> Dear Christmas,
> 
> I don't know how to explain it but for the first time in years I'm looking forward to you. I don't need any gifts or fancy things or go anywhere special..it's kinda weird. The commercialism isn't even bothering me.
> 
> I stopped being friends with you cos Mom and Lisa died and I felt like we weren't a family anymore especially since you're Lisa's birthday but that inexplicably changed.
> 
> I think I just feel thankful and hopeful. I'm gonna pick up a little tree and decorate it with a few family ornaments. Gonna throw a Duraflame log in the fireplace and really enjoy old movies, gingerbread cookies and hot chocolate.
> Gonna call some friends and make plans. Gonna drive around and look at the lights and put up some of my own. Gonna relax and enjoy simply.
> 
> Nice to meet you again.
> 
> Love,
> Lainey


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Asshat,

You are such an asshole...you admitted that nobody likes you once they get to know you. So umm..maybe you should take care of that and figure out why? and this business of being a jerk to my best friend and yet trying to kiss my ass doesn't fly with me. She's been my best friend of 20 yrs..you're just some asshole who showed up on the scene recently with control issues and everyone can see them. Everyone else has been complaining too...i'm just waiting on you to completely hang yourself. Which you will eventually do. So kiss my ass all you want...it won't work on me 

Hatefully,

Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Life-
You've thrown some pretty nasty curveballs at me in the past year and I'm not happy about even one of them...but I'll take them. I've become a better person and learned something about myself from each and every one of them.
First my mom died unexpectedly on the fourth of July. Family members stole things from the house while we were gone, without even asking if they could have them. I held out an olive branch to a sister I was feuding with and she whipped me with that same branch. I smiled and turned the other cheek like I am supposed to, but I won't ever forget that. Thanks very much for that, btw. Secondly, at her funeral people showed up in dirty clothes, unclean, and in total disarray to pay their respects. Tank tops cut off blue jeans and flip flops ARE NOT acceptable attire for ANYONE'S funeral. They came, offered up plastic smiles and the obligatory support--but they didnt know her. I suspect they were only there to have the day off of work. (not to mention that most of those people hadn't bothered to call her or visit her even once in the past ten years to see how she was doing--and some of them had the nerve to say "I didn't even know she was sick"). IMHO that's not respectful at all. I was always raised to take a shower and to wear my nicest clothes to a funeral in order to show my compassion for the family and respect for the person who passed. A childhood "friend" who knows mine and my mother's disdain for drugs decided that "eventhough its inappropriate at my mom's funeral" she just HAS to show me pictures on her blackberry of the pot farm she and her husband have growing in Kentucky. (this is of course the same person who came to my father's funeral straight from work,in a dirty pharmaceutical lab coat and stinking of a body odor that about gagged me.) 
Then there was the guy that I invited to go with us to Vegas. You could have shown me what a loser he was BEFORE I invited him, couldn't you? Did I have to waste several years of my life being friends with this person only to realize in the course of a few days what a SELFISH, inconsiderate egotistical man he was? I mean really, what kind of person says, "I will go with you only if you promise not to cry and ruin my vacation"--knowing that just days earlier you've lost your mother and soon after you said to him, "I really need my friends right now cos my family isn't comforting at all"?
Do I need to talk about the dating ad fiasco? Seriously if you wanted me to be alone why bother putting the idea in my mind to post a dating ad? 
And while we are on the subject of men...why can't you send me a decent one that isn't afraid to fall in love? How about ONE that doesn't have a complex about being seen in public with a fat chick and isn't a complete liar about who he really is? Why can't you send one who is compassionate, intelligent, understanding, and not interested in making me become a 1,000 lb. woman? And why must you always have men who live in other countries answer my ad--there's no possibility of anything happening with them--so why? 
I digress.
Life, I've been pretty angry at you for a while but im letting go of that and moving forward with a new perspective. Im putting my faith in someone who created you. I will try to see the positive in all the negative and make each lesson one that will stick with me in the future. I hope that you will be kinder to me in the future. Because instead of dreading each day with you...I will cherish you.
Love Terri


----------



## mimosa

Dear W, 

Thanks for your concern....but you are F&%Kin' stressing me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Your roommate, 

M


----------



## Mathias

Dear Friend,

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!! You took one look at me tonight and knew something was wrong and just sat and listened when I vented. I needed that in the worst way. Also, I'm glad you convinced me to go out and get snacks, it let to me having beef jerky for the 1st time. And it's not too bad if I do say so myself. :happy:

Thanks for cheering me up tonight.

-Matt


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear life, 

Stop sucking

Sincerely,
Lulu


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear Wind,

I SWEAR that you blow way harder when I'm wearing a dress and have to walk several blocks in it somewhere. Why is it that you want all of Los Angeles to see my underwear? 

, 
Me


----------



## Blackjack

Dear wind:

Good work. Keep it up. And send me pics if you somehow can.

-Beej


----------



## DearPrudence

mcbeth said:


> Dear Wind,
> 
> I SWEAR that you blow way harder when I'm wearing a dress and have to walk several blocks in it somewhere. Why is it that you want all of Los Angeles to see my underwear?
> 
> ,
> Me



LOL! I know this feeling, except it's rain and flip flops for me. It's like the weather likes to see me slip and slide about in my (lack of real) shoes.

Dear Old Boss,

Fuck you for hiring me and filling my head with crazy ideas about things like a great wage, health insurance, and a 401K, only to "let me go" a month later.

I hope your company goes under when it comes out that you steal half of your information without crediting the sources. 

Seriously though, DIAF,

Prudy


----------



## willowmoon

DearPrudence said:


> Dear Old Boss,
> 
> Fuck you for hiring me and filling my head with crazy ideas about things like a great wage, health insurance, and a 401K, only to "let me go" a month later.
> 
> I hope your company goes under when it comes out that you steal half of your information without crediting the sources.
> 
> Seriously though, DIAF,
> 
> Prudy



Fear not, karma will catch up to them, it's inevitable. Sorry about the job situation, especially in this crappy economy, hope you land something decent with a trustworthy employer soon.


----------



## DearPrudence

@willowmoon--

Thank you for your kind sentiments.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear The Kinks Album "State Of Confusion",

I do not not understand why you were not more popular? You are one of the best albums of the early 80's and just some really great music that I feel was greatly overlooked (at least in the US)! I am so glad my older sister found you back when she was in Jr. high  I am also glad you are on my mp3 because I will be listening to you AGAIN on my walk in a bit :happy:

Lots of Love,

Me

ps-I think I have listened to "Property" and "Heart of Gold" about a gazillion times now!


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear Brother, 

I love you because we are family, but you and I could not be more different, personality-wise and politically. Our differences have made things pretty tense between us for a long time. 

I used to be the one who sought your approval in everything, who changed my ways to be more pleasing - lived my life in ways that I felt would make me acceptable to you. Your opinions and feelings were of major importance to me - I idolized you. Then you rejected me outright because of one big mistake and spent years acting as if I didn't exist. I got over it and built a life without you in it for the most part, and grew into a new person, whom you don't know at all. 

Now you want a relationship and expect me to hide my political and social views from you on facebook by not posting about them because you find them offensive. While the issue of it "just" being facebook seems like a trivial thing, it's really not, because you're expecting me to still be the one who does things your way by default. I'm choosing not to back down, not because a relationship with you isn't important to me, but because if I don't set the standard now, we will devolve back into that dynamic from before, which frankly, would not work at all, ever. 

I'm not that person anymore. I can't live my life for you, and I don't need your approval. It would be nice if you could accept and love me as I am, but I can't/won't change just because you disagree with me. I am sorry that my opinions and interests are so disturbing to you, but they are a big part of who I am now - accept it or don't. If you can't overlook them and find other ways of interacting with me, then a relationship with me isn't as important as you claim. I can make concessions, but not on this issue.

Hoping we can agree to disagree and move forward, 

Your "little" Sis


----------



## Surlysomething

JoyJoy said:


> Dear Brother,
> 
> I love you because we are family, but you and I could not be more different, personality-wise and politically. Our differences have made things pretty tense between us for a long time.
> 
> I used to be the one who sought your approval in everything, who changed my ways to be more pleasing - lived my life in ways that I felt would make me acceptable to you. Your opinions and feelings were of major importance to me - I idolized you. Then you rejected me outright because of one big mistake and spent years acting as if I didn't exist. I got over it and built a life without you in it for the most part, and grew into a new person, whom you don't know at all.
> 
> Now you want a relationship and expect me to hide my political and social views from you on facebook by not posting about them because you find them offensive. While the issue of it "just" being facebook seems like a trivial thing, it's really not, because you're expecting me to still be the one who does things your way by default. I'm choosing not to back down, not because a relationship with you isn't important to me, but because if I don't set the standard now, we will devolve back into that dynamic from before, which frankly, would not work at all, ever.
> 
> I'm not that person anymore. I can't live my life for you, and I don't need your approval. It would be nice if you could accept and love me as I am, but I can't/won't change just because you disagree with me. I am sorry that my opinions and interests are so disturbing to you, but they are a big part of who I am now - accept it or don't. If you can't overlook them and find other ways of interacting with me, then a relationship with me isn't as important as you claim. I can make concessions, but not on this issue.
> 
> Hoping we can agree to disagree and move forward,
> 
> Your "little" Sis


 
It's crazy how seriously people take Facebook, isn't it? My Uncle didn't like that I swore on mine so I politely reminded him that i'm 40 years old and if he isn't comfortable with my site then he is well within his right to block me. So he did. 

Adios!


----------



## mimosa

Dear family

I love you with all of my heart. I also respect you very much......

But I AM FUCKIN' pissed off at you for NOT telling me that my Godmother passed away. 

SHIT....I have been through more than all of you combined! 

I am a lot stronger than you realize. 

SO when the hell are you going to believe in me????????????????

I am very angry at what you have done. 

I love you all. I will forgive you very very soon.....just give me a sec here. 

PISSED OFF in love, 

Mimosa


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Joy, you should in no way have to compromise on that, it's ridiculous. But if you want to make things easier, if you didn't know, on every post you make there's a privacy option to hide it from specific people before you post it. You could avail yourself of that if you wanted to... not saying you should have to.


----------



## Twilley

Dear GoBots,


It's not your fault.


----------



## DearPrudence

Dear Twilley,

Thank you for posting, now I don't have to see my post at the top of the thread bc you created a new page! 

Oh wait, this post.. damn it.

Pick up eggs on your way home,

Prudy


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear fire alarm,

You are much too sensitive. I want to be able to bake, turn on the heater, and fry eggs without your annoying beeping. I'm sorry I had to remove your battery, but I saw no other alternative. I really would like your protective powers to be activated, but you just can't differentiate between baking salmon and living room on fire, so I had to kill you for the time being.

Stop being so sensitive, and we'll talk.

Peace out,
me


----------



## DearPrudence

Dear McBeth,

When you fry eggs, do you use bacon grease? That's what I do, and it's awesome.

Fellow Fatty,

Prudy


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear DearPrudence,

No. I typically use non-stick cooking spray. I'm boring like that. Can you believe THAT is enough to set the smoke alarm off? WTF. Bacon is delicious though. 

-mcbeth


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky,

I can't say what I want, but you know what I want. If I am doing something wrong, then point me in the right direction. Keep in mind I am a woman with a poor sense of direction. 

Love
Kimberly


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear life,

Stop shitting on us. Seriously. It's been a hard enough year as it is and we didn't need today.


Stop it..STOP IT.

Misty


----------



## Twilley

Dear Prudence,won't you come out to play?
Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day
The sun is up, the sky is blue
It's beautiful and so are you
Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?


BECAUSE IT HAD TO BE DONE AT SOME POINT.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear pushy guy i went to high school with,

really? naaaah .....reeeeeeeeally? ah c'mon, don't do this....i don't want to have to hurt your feelings...please don't make me.

Signed,

Extremely Not Interested


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear First Of The Month,

Why did you creep up on me today? I was off work yesterday and entered the workplace with the hopeful thought that today would go smooth. And then there was you, beckoning everyone who is on a 30 day regimen of medications to call or come by and keep me running around like a frickin' chicken with my head cut off! On top of that, your kinfolk, the 2nd and 3rd, will be keep me just as prolific.

Frazzled,
Techy

P.S. Thanks for making my work day fly.


----------



## DearPrudence

Twilley said:


> Dear Prudence,won't you come out to play?
> Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day
> The sun is up, the sky is blue
> It's beautiful and so are you
> Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?
> 
> 
> BECAUSE IT HAD TO BE DONE AT SOME POINT.



Dear Twilley,

You rogue! 

--me.


----------



## Mathias

Dear "Sweetie"

If I may borrow a line from Chowder: "I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!!"  

You are adorable though, 

-Matt


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Hair:

Why can't I whip you back and forth? I mean, whip it real good?


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Mom,

What will be enough for you?
What can I do to make you satisfied?
What can I do, to make you _proud_ of me?

Sickly Sincere, 
Moi.


----------



## Blackjack

Dear Victoria,

You've been a good friend and faithful companion for twenty years. It's with great sadness that I say goodbye to you now after seeing you pass quietly, wrapped in my pillowcase upon my mother's bed.

I'll miss you.

Your hooman,
Kevin


----------



## Twilley

DearPrudence said:


> Dear Twilley,
> 
> You rogue!
> 
> --me.



I do what I can, lol


----------



## Bigtigmom

Blackjack said:


> Dear Victoria,
> 
> You've been a good friend and faithful companion for twenty years. It's with great sadness that I say goodbye to you now after seeing you pass quietly, wrapped in my pillowcase upon my mother's bed.
> 
> I'll miss you.
> 
> Your hooman,
> Kevin



I'm sorry Kevin.


----------



## CastingPearls

Blackjack said:


> Dear Victoria,
> 
> You've been a good friend and faithful companion for twenty years. It's with great sadness that I say goodbye to you now after seeing you pass quietly, wrapped in my pillowcase upon my mother's bed.
> 
> I'll miss you.
> 
> Your hooman,
> Kevin


Oh Kevin, 

I'm so sorry. R.I.P. Victoria.

Been there,
Lainey


----------



## LisaInNC

Dear Christmas, 

I need more time. 

Love, 
Lisa


----------



## Szombathy

Dear Conscience:

Please stop bothering me and let me continue to be lazy and procrastinate all day.

Thank you,
Id


----------



## littlefairywren

Blackjack said:


> Dear Victoria,
> 
> You've been a good friend and faithful companion for twenty years. It's with great sadness that I say goodbye to you now after seeing you pass quietly, wrapped in my pillowcase upon my mother's bed.
> 
> I'll miss you.
> 
> Your hooman,
> Kevin



Hugs, Kevin. I am so sorry


----------



## willowmoon

Dear Dims,

If it weren't for you, I would have never met her.

Thank you!

Sincerely,

Grateful In Wisconsin


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Aww, I'm sorry Kev.  *hugs*


----------



## AuntHen

Dear *Most Beautiful Boy*,

I hope you get plenty of rest and relaxation this weekend! I wish I could take all you hurts and stress away! You are always in my prayers, thoughts and heart. Also... well you *know*!! :happy::wubu:

Be well, m.. c.... !!!!

:kiss2::kiss2: and :kiss2::kiss2: and :kiss2::kiss2:...
~B~

ps- I will sing a Christmas song for you when you get back


----------



## largenlovely

i'm sorry that's so sad



Blackjack said:


> Dear Victoria,
> 
> You've been a good friend and faithful companion for twenty years. It's with great sadness that I say goodbye to you now after seeing you pass quietly, wrapped in my pillowcase upon my mother's bed.
> 
> I'll miss you.
> 
> Your hooman,
> Kevin


----------



## Blackjack

Thank you all so much. I miss her so much, and your support right now means an incredible amount to me.


----------



## mossystate

Dear Bucky, 

You are so cute that I want to rip your head off and play a spirited game of wall volleyball with it.

M


----------



## luscious_lulu

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Mom,
> 
> What will be enough for you?
> What can I do to make you satisfied?
> What can I do, to make you _proud_ of me?
> 
> Sickly Sincere,
> Moi.



Dear YPP,

Be yourself, be proud of yourself and stop trying to live up to others expectations. 

You are a great person and if your mother isn't proud of you it is her prolblem *not* yours.

Signed, 
a friend.


----------



## Tanuki

Dear ______

I know its hard and you need time but I cant move on and flourish as a person with you trying to hide this, it isn't a secret, it isn't bad, please understand this

Please please let me out, I cant live this lie any more... just give me your blessing and set me free, we will all be happier 

No bad will come of it, only positivity

Please, Don't be ashamed of me, of who I am

I cant stand you not being able to look me in the eye over this

I need this so much


----------



## mimosa

Dear B

Its good to know you and I are in the same sad boat. Both in suffering the pain of losing each other. I was pleasantly surprised when you called me Saturday night. Thank you for that. It felt good hearing your voice again. Another surprise was to hear you still "L-word" me. Saying goodbye is very hard. But It's the right thing to do. I am glad for our precious friendship. I hope it lasts for the rest of our lives. If it doesn't then just thank you for our beautiful time together. May God bless you today and always. Yes, I still "L-word" you. 


Your friend always, 

N


----------



## nettie

Blackjack said:


> Dear Victoria,
> 
> You've been a good friend and faithful companion for twenty years. It's with great sadness that I say goodbye to you now after seeing you pass quietly, wrapped in my pillowcase upon my mother's bed.
> 
> I'll miss you.
> 
> Your hooman,
> Kevin



Kevin,
So sorry for your loss.


----------



## fatcharlie

Dear Rhonda, my dear missed friend.
A year has passed since you suddenly and unexpected left us all here at Dimension.
You shall know that´s a lot of us here do really and deeply miss you, dear Rhonda.
Puss o kram:wubu:
Charlie

At the same time I will just say to all you beautiful girls, women, ladies here to take care, be happy and careful with yourselfs. 
Puss o kram (kiss and hug) to you too!


----------



## The Orange Mage

Dear Panic Attacks,

You were once a vague acquaintance, someone who showed up maybe once a year, and when only I was really stressed, but somehow you weaseled your way into my daily life almost five years ago. Well, I've had enough of your abusive, controlling ways. You've cut me off from my goals, my friends, my hobbies, and really everything in my life. Now it's just you and me, and soon it will be just me. You're on the way out. I will live again. I will go out on a hot day to a crowded event and I will feel as normal and safe as being alone in my backyard on a cool spring day. I will go more than 75 miles from home if something I want is beyond your "safe zone." I will go on a vacation with my family again. I will go back to school.

It's over. Get the fuck out. _Now._

-Michael/The Orange Mage


----------



## DearPrudence

Dear Snow,

Wow. I'm pretty impressed. You can stop any time now, at least until Christmas gets closer. 

Thanks a bunch,

-me


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Wonton,

When Daddy wanted to spray you with the water gun cos you looked like you were going to scratch the love seat and we got into an argument over it and I said maybe we should move your scratching box across the room to in front of the TV so he wouldn't flip the hell out and you took that as your cue to drag it across the room to in front of the TV, well, you're a fucking genius but you already knew that. 

And he's right--I do like you better.

Love,
Mommy


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

CastingPearls said:


> Dear Wonton,
> 
> When Daddy wanted to spray you with the water gun cos you looked like you were going to scratch the love seat and we got into an argument over it and I said maybe we should move your scratching box across the room to in front of the TV so he wouldn't flip the hell out and you took that as your cue to drag it across the room to in front of the TV, well, you're a fucking genius but you already knew that.
> 
> And he's right--I do like you better.
> 
> Love,
> Mommy



LOL.  Smart kitty!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Snow-
Thou art the prettiest sight I have seen in a while. You are big, heavy, fluffy flakes (just like me). 
If it will get my loud-mouthed, spoiled, obnoxious, undisciplined, and disresepctful nieces out of the house...you go right ahead and snow your mother-f*cking ass off. Thank you.


----------



## DearPrudence

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Snow-
> Thou art the prettiest sight I have seen in a while. You are big, heavy, fluffy flakes (just like me).
> If it will get my loud-mouthed, spoiled, obnoxious, undisciplined, and disresepctful nieces out of the house...you go right ahead and snow your mother-f*cking ass off. Thank you.



I am fresh outta rep, but I *love* this.


----------



## Mathias

Dear Teacher,

I emailed you about the assignment because I was having trouble understanding it. Since you didn't respond to my emails I assumed I was dong it correctly. That is up until I got your email this past Sunday night saying how I did it wrong. So why the hell would you still accept it and give me a bad grade and not tell me I did it wrong when I handed it to you? How stupid are you? Glad to know you'd rather see a student get a bad grade than help them. You are by far the worst teacher I've ever had.

-Matt

Dear, ____ 

I let you borrow that book for a quick second and you disappear with said book (which I need for a final) in tow. Nice.  If I find out you sold it for extra cash along with yours, you're dead.

-Matt




Dear Matt,

Stop being so trusting all the time you dumbass.

-Matt


----------



## 1love_emily

Dearest D,
Don't you realize how desperate I am for you to notice me? I want you to text me, I want you to call me, I want you to skype me, I want you to want me like I want you. I think we could make it work. I respect that you want to hold out... I'll hold out for you.
Love,
Emily

Dearest M,
I'm not happy. If only you noticed the scars on my wrist. 

Dearest L,
Never leave me. You're my best friend, and you will be forever. I can't imagine how lonely and neurotic I'd be without you right there beside me. You've been right by me for everytihing I've had to go through. I love you and I want you to be my best friend forever.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Self,

Just because cough syrup is old, doesn't neccassarily mean you need to take more due to lack of strength. 


Dazedly Yours,
..uh, the chick in the mirror? You? W/e.





Dear Chick in the Mirror,

Lesson definitely learned.

Totally,
You.


----------



## LovelyLiz

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Self,
> 
> Just because cough syrup is old, doesn't neccassarily mean you need to take more due to lack of strength.
> 
> 
> Dazedly Yours,
> ..uh, the chick in the mirror? You? W/e.



You were totally slizzered on sizzurp.


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear magazine boys,
If i tell i'm not gonna buy from you as soon as you start your pitch, i mean it.. I won't buy your magazines. You should just save your breath and move along! I only answered the door because my peep hole was covered by a wreath and thought you were ups with my amazon delivery. 
Sincerely, 
me


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Nicotine,

We have been through this before...could you please exit my body in an orderly fashion without causing a major disruption. I don't want to give you up....but i have no choice in the matter *sigh* I just ask that you please don't cause such a ruckus as you have in the past. So far, i'm grateful that you haven't been so hard on me....but i'm still concerned because of your behavior in the past. So please, don't go away mad just go away.

Addicted,

Me


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Dear You,

Seriously? What IS the issue? You go around being a total little snark to people, regarding things that have nothing to do with you, for no other reason than the simple fact you can. The intelligence and wit you obviously have are so above, the complete asshat behavior you consistently display.

Signed, 
I Really Don't Get You.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Men,

What is your obsession with boobs in sweaters? I mean, everyone knows most of you just plain ol' love boobs in general. But I swear, if a lady "busts out" in a sweater (no pun intended...or was it? haha) you get that "Wow! I have never seen THOSE before!" looks on your faces!  Sigh. I will never understand your gender 

Sincerely,

Please Say Hi To My Face, Not My Sweater


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

fat9276 said:


> Dear Men,
> 
> What is your obsession with boobs in sweaters? I mean, everyone knows most of you just plain ol' love boobs in general. But I swear, if a lady "busts out" in a sweater (no pun intended...or was it? haha) you get that "Wow! I have never seen THOSE before!" looks on your faces!  Sigh. I will never understand your gender
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Please Say Hi To My Face, Not My Sweater



It's a genetic weakness of the gender. We do eventually notice your eyes, but often times are drawn to the irresistible combination of wool-encased, bra-ensconced curves which bounce and shimmy as you walk, how it defines a form to your figure which does nothing to hide your overall femininity. Whether they're encased in a sweater, a t-shirt (wet or dry) or barbed wire, all "new" breasts, regardless of size or preference are breasts to be observed and mentally analyzed, sometimes at the expense of tact or good manners. Even ones we've seen up close and personal for years are still breathtaking to behold. We don't have them, you do. It's as simple as that. 

I'm sure some day scientists will analyze the Y-chromosome and come up for a name for the disorder, something like Mammary Attention Motivational Syndrome. . I know there is already one on the X-chromosome: Jealousy Underscoring Gigantomastia-Generalized Selectivity.


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear Customer #1,

Just because your medicine was 3 days too early for insurance to pay for, does not mean you have the right to get an attitude and condescendingly speak to me as if I were stupid. When you firmly notified me that you will 'be out of this medicine by Friday', I silently laughed my ass off at your total ignorance in the fact that, indeed by Friday, your medicine will have been able to run through on your card. But ok, we filled the medicine for your cranky ass anyway, without so much of a 'thank you' from you. Kiss my ass.

Sincerely,
Disgruntled

P.S. I feel sorry for your husband, who I've never seen smile in all the times you guys have frequented our store. Now I know why.

Dear Customer #2,

At first you seemed harmless, coming in to check to see if the Dr. had faxed over your prescriptions. But it became alarmingly clear that you and Customer #1 woke up on the same side of the bitchy bed this morning. I do not need your snotty or condescending attitude either. I have mentally noted to avoid you on your future visits, to keep from ramming my fist in your face. 

Sincerely,
Even More Disgruntled


----------



## willowmoon

Dear Dims,

Again, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I owe you big time. 

Sincerely,

Grateful In Wisconsin


----------



## mimosa

Dear Sexy guy in Turkey, 

Please grow up soon. I hope you will learn what love really is. I don't see that in you. I am sorry I blocked you. But I can not waste my time any longer.I have to admit, it feels good to let you go. I can finally have peace. But, I will never forget that look on your face...it was priceless. 

Good luck, 

M


----------



## mimosa

Dear Men,

I am really thinking about becoming a nun.


Sister Mimosa


----------



## samuraiscott

Dear Woman I Have a HUGE Crush On:

I think about you entirely too much and have written countless words professing my feelings for you. I really hope one day that we can overcome the obstacles that seem to be in the way of us spending some quality time together. I care for you more than you know, and I hope that one day whether it is me or some other lucky man, that you have someone in your life who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

I just want to see you happy and safe.


Sincerely, 

Scott


----------



## 1love_emily

Twilley said:


> Dear Prudence,won't you come out to play?
> Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day
> The sun is up, the sky is blue
> It's beautiful and so are you
> Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?
> 
> 
> BECAUSE IT HAD TO BE DONE AT SOME POINT.



I LOVE YOU. Thank you for doing this to her name! I'm sorry, but it's hilarious  I love the Beatles, I love good senses of humor, and I love you... all of you. Thank you Dimensions


----------



## mimosa

Dear ----

Thank you for the beautiful conversation. It was just what I needed tonight. 

Sweet dreams ,
M


----------



## Gingembre

Dear boy,

I was so sorry to hear your sad news today. I'm gonna stand back and give you space to be there for your family and try and sort everything out but please please please please take care of yourself. You've been taking care of yourself and mediating your SAD recently, please don't burn yourself out...don't neglect yourself because you're so busy trying to be everyone else's rock. You know i'm here for you if you need me...please don't think you'd a burden to me and call if you want to. Good luck. [massive hugs]

L x


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear Fate,

I've questioned your existence several times, but you have restored my faith completely.
Thank you for the joy and happiness that you have brought into my life. It feels overwhelmingly awesome! 

Forever Grateful,
Janice


----------



## AuntHen

willowmoon said:


> Dear Dims,
> 
> Again, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
> 
> I owe you big time.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Grateful In Wisconsin





Luv2BNaughty said:


> Dear Fate,
> 
> I've questioned your existence several times, but you have restored my faith completely.
> Thank you for the joy and happiness that you have brought into my life. It feels overwhelmingly awesome!
> 
> Forever Grateful,
> Janice



Dear You Two,

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :happy:

Me




Dear Beautiful Neck With The "Triangle",

If I don't get to kiss and bite on you soon, I am going to go insane!!!!! I suggest you really be prepared 

Impatiently Yours!
:kiss2::kiss2:,

The "Pouncing Tiger"


----------



## littlefairywren

fat9276 said:


> Dear Beautiful Neck With The "Triangle",
> 
> If I don't get to kiss and bite on you soon, I am going to go insane!!!!! I suggest you really be prepared
> 
> Impatiently Yours!
> :kiss2::kiss2:,
> 
> The "Pouncing Tiger"



Dear Fellow Biter,

I SO understand!

Love
Kimberly


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky,

Please tell me what to do.....

Love
Kimberly


----------



## Lovelyone

As translated from his dictophone: 

Dearest Kimberly-
You already know what to do, but are afraid to do it. Your heart has the answer.

UGIS


----------



## CAMellie

T.G.,

You molested my little boy when he was only 5...HOW DARE YOU TRY TO CONTACT MY FAMILY THROUGH FACEBOOK AND TRY TO GET THEM TO TELL YOU WHERE HE IS NOW!!! WTF is wrong with you?!?!?! FUCK OFF, you sick bastard!! Nobody in my family will tell you anything.


Hatefully,
Melanie


----------



## littlefairywren

Lovelyone said:


> As translated from his dictophone:
> 
> Dearest Kimberly-
> You already know what to do, but are afraid to do it. Your heart has the answer.
> 
> UGIS



Dear UGIS translator,

Thank you! I followed my heart :happy:

Love
Kimberly


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Parents, 


Please stop giving me double-doses of my cough syrup. 
I now sit here, feeling as though I'm on the brink of ralphing, and I'm pretty sure it's because of that medicine. 


Sickly Yours,
Moi.


----------



## largenlovely

To The Onion,

Oh you make me laugh so hard sometimes...i appreciate that 

Signed,

Avid Reader




Dear Nieces and Nephew,

All three of you light up my life in ways you probably will never understand. I selfishly wish you could stay these ages forever. When you crawl up in my lap and give me a hug and kiss on the cheek and say, "I love you Aunt MeMe" ..it melts my heart...I dread the day when you're too old to do that *sigh* At least i will enjoy it as much as i can for now i suppose.

All My Love <3

Aunt MeMe


----------



## Mishty

Dear dumb brother to my wife's boyfriend,

How dare you call her a slut? Who the hell do you think you are? You with the morals of an alley cat accusing HER. Then throw rocks at her FACE? I saw the blood, and I saw her tears. Fuck off man, and thank your lucky stars I wasn't around when it went down. You shall rue the day you crossed me. I know all your secrets, and I'll fight you like a man, and I'll be the only man in the fight. I'm not even hungover I'm just a tad bit pissed that you ruined everyone's night with your redneck skankiness. 

I'll be seeing you, asshole. 

signed,

Irate and bigger than you


----------



## samuraiscott

Dear Awesomeness,

Waiting for an email from you sucks. Hurry up. Thanks,

Scott


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Parents:

Realize that there is a reason my boys are not given candy at will when they are at home. They get small amounts of it, and the larger amounts are carefully hidden since #2 son can climb like Curious George to get it. The Halloween Candy lasted an impressive four weeks, and I'm proud of that fact.

As a result, when you feed them candy at will, although that is your prerogative as a grandparent, prepare to deal with the fact that *I* have to hold them over the toilet several hours later while they barf it all up. While he feels better now, I didn't enjoy having to rock him for an hour and give him Gas-X while his tummy hurt.

Hopefully this experience teaches him to just say no when you shove a 6" sugar cookie in his face. 

Signed,

Your loving but irritated-as-fuck son (who just happens to know a thing or two about raising his kids)


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear nieces-
I had SO much fun with you today eventhough my fingertips are blue, and there are food coloring stains on my shirt! I am so happy that we decided to make our cookies today. Maddie, your giggle with delight just made my day. Eden, when you piled the decorations all on one cookie and said "Hey, do you think I have enough cookie with these decorations?" I laughed too hard. Nurah, I know it was hard for you to sit still that long and make it a fun time for the littler ones..I am so proud of you for that and thank you for helping me out so much. You really are an angel. 
Let's do it again next year! 
Aunt Tay.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear you,

It broke my soul to hear you say "I don't see how anyone can like fat, unless it's on themselves." For a minute, You almost remind me of my Mother.


Sincerely,
Disappointed in Hu*man*ity




----- 


Dear Friend-of-a-Friend,

You and I have so much in common, it's ridiculous! 

That being said, thank you for cheering me up on Friday.

We may have only had an hour long PM session on FB, but you make me giggle like a silly anime girl. For that hour, I forgot I was sick, and that was amazing. 

Sincerely,
Friend-Of-Your-Dream girl/ex, and Fellow Zelda Lover.



----

To my darling Goofy Ol' Dork,

Thank you for always being there for me. 
I do try my best to make you smile, to cheer you up, but alas it's never enough. You wonder why I'm so vocal about how amazing I think you are? Because I've had a crush on you for the past 2 years. I know your not into me. I know your obsessed with a friend who's been in a serious relationship for the past 2 years, But can't you at least be happy somebody wants you?

Love always,
The Silly Little Girl


-----


Dear Cold/Bronchitis/Mysterious Asshole Illness,

Please stop making me over-emotional. 

Sincerely,
Crying Over Spilled Tea


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Mother,

Please just shut the fuck up!!! You walk in the house on a rampage and it drives everyone fucking crazy..and you won't stop...for the love of God just shut up!!! My God why do you have to be crazy? You come in spewing religiosity and yelling and condemning everyone to hell and it's just a bunch of insane babble!! Somewhere inside i love you....i suppose....but i really really really dislike you a whole lot. I really wish you would just go lay in bed as you usually do and leave us all alone here.

Me


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy up there,

I have this nervous feeling in my tummy. Please, please, please let it be ok. I will even give up chocolate if you help out. 



Ok, maybe not chocolate. How about cheese? I've already given up ham ham.


Love,
Kimberly


----------



## goatboy

Dear Almost Winter in Iowa,

Did you really have to 3 degrees above zero last night? Thanks for freezing my car doors shut, so that I had to climb in through the hatchback, climb over the seats and then body slam the doors from the inside in order to open them. Once that was done I had the pleasure of scraping the ice off the windshield. Then and only then could I drive to the grocery store to purchase my much needed victuals. I know I've been here for more than 20 years. You think I'd be used to it. No. It's finally worn me down. I've got to get back to California somehow. Ho f**king Ho Ho.


GRRRRRRRRRRRRR


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear chest cold,

Go away!

Kthxbye,
Sick-N-Tired


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Luv2BNaughty said:


> Dear chest cold,
> 
> Go away!
> 
> Kthxbye,
> Sick-N-Tired


Dear Sick-N-Tired,

Been there.
Still There, Actually.

Wishing you a speedy recovery,
Coughing Queen


----------



## The Orange Mage

Dear Snow (the weather phenomenon),

You suck.

-TOM

---

Dear Snow (the canadian phenomenon),

I have no fucking clue what you're rapping about in "Informer." Send me a copy of the words or something!

-TOM


----------



## Amaranthine

Dear things that aren't square,

You are far too hard to wrap, and therefore inferior to everything that is square. No, I don't magically get cerebral palsy around Christmas time- you're just mean. 

I killed so many more trees because of you,

Amanda


----------



## Rowan

Mom,

Sorry that I got sick for so long, with my cancer scare, sorry I had to be forced to resign my job. I know I will likely have to move back in with you, and you have no Idea how sorry I am about that....especially after you asking me to come over today after what i had to do ( go to a meeting at school about changing my major and then off to donate plasma to make ends meet) to make you dinner, waiting for you. SO I do that..and it is not good enough. Made the stuffed chicken to the directions....too dry..made rice...you dont tolerate it....so you said you told me you wanted asparagus and hash browns, i didnt get it on my phone, so i screwed up by making rice, which you dont tolerate, that you told me once before and I didnt remember. I'm sorry. Guess I can't get much right huh?

You tell me that i need to pray more and believe in God to bless me, but in the next breath you condemn me for doing things wrong for your specifications.

I guess I can't win.


----------



## furious styles

dear QueenB ; 

please come visit me soon, i miss you.





- charles


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Close Friends,

I just left y'alls house and i know i told you already...but i don't know if you know exactly how much y'all mean to me  I can be feeling super crappy about something and y'all can make it better. I haaaaaaaaaate being on this damn walker, but calling me Walker Texas Ranger seemed to make me feel better instead of more self conscious ...surprisingly hahaha. Doing that was probably better than just making it the huge elephant in the room that everyone was pretending to ignore lol. I know all of you are aware that i'm trying to get out even while on this crappy walker this time, instead of just holing myself up in the house like i did last time when i hurt my other leg...and i appreciate y'all helping me feel ok about it. Y'all all mean the world to me and i love you more than anything :wubu:

Signed,

Walker Texas Ranger


----------



## CleverBomb

Amaranthine said:


> Dear things that aren't square,
> 
> You are far too hard to wrap, and therefore inferior to everything that is square. No, I don't magically get cerebral palsy around Christmas time- you're just mean.
> 
> I killed so many more trees because of you,
> 
> Amanda


So, what you're saying is, it's hip to be square?

-Rusty


----------



## AuntHen

Dear GCW,

Thanks for what you said tonight! It is really self-image boosting to hear things like that sometimes. It really surprised me! You were so adamant about it! I was like "Wow! me??!!" I smiled all the way home! :happy:

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## QueenB

dear charles,

i'll be there sooooon. i can't wait to kiss your handsome face. 



-queenb


----------



## The Orange Mage

Dear Picture Threads at Dims,

Stop flipping over to the next page right after I post! I actually want people to see me!

-TOM


----------



## lalatx

Dear Cedar trees,

I hate you more than anything else in the world... Except maybe for Hitler but hes dead. You wreck havoc on the entire cities allergies when you release your spores.


Yours truly and sickly (thanks to you. You stupid trees.)

-Morgan


----------



## Lovelyone

Dearest best friend-

You truly are THE kindest, nicest, most giving person I have ever known. You help people all the time without a care about whether or not they can help you in return. Although your time is limited because of your busy work schedule you always make time to have a chat with me. When I think about the kind of person I want to be and how that is defined...I think about you. When I pray, I thank God for your friendship because you've made a difference in my life...more than you will ever know. 

You listen, encourage, accept, cry with, laugh with, commiserate with, and celebrate everything with me. No subject is off limits with you and your advice has helped me on so many occasions that I cannot count them all. You've always treated me with kindness, respect and dignity. I only hope that you feel that I have shown you the same kindnesses in our friendship (although I wonder if you might be getting short-changed a little, as I never have a chance to do anything for you). Who knew so long ago that a chance chat would bring us so close as friends, and who knew that we would have so much in common but yet be such different people that we can learn from one another? I am thankful for that. I am thankful that at a point in my life where I had fallen as low as I could fall--you reached out a hand, picked me up, brushed me off and said, "Everything is going to be okay." You'll never know how much that one gesture turned my life around. You truly are an inspiration and a blessing in my life and I will spend a lifetime paying what your friendship has done for me--forward. (another thing that you taught me).

Thanks for letting me vent about the gift card thing. Thanks for asking me if I wanted another one (although it wasn't necessary), and thanks for just being the most wonderful friend (and adopted sister) that anyone could ever have. 

Love ya bunches,
Terri


----------



## largenlovely

Dear You,

SUCK IT!! HA!!!

Gloatingly,

Me


----------



## Mathias

Dear Giants fans,

U mad? 

Sincerely,

-Matt


----------



## Meddlecase

Dear eyes,

Please stop hurting. I know you guys are sleepy, but you're the only ones that actually want to sleep. The rest of the body knows that sleep is overrated, so stop being cunts and join the party. Otherwise left hand and fap hand will continue to poke you both. 

Signed, 
Master Brain.


----------



## Donna

Dear You;

For the love of all that is holy, please do the following, in sequential order:

get a clue
get your education
get a job
get out of your parents' house
get a life that does not revolve around video games and/or the Internet
Trust me, it can be done and you will be far better for it. 

Acridly, 
Me


----------



## Paquito

Dear Dad,

Today we went Christmas shopping for Mom. We actually had a pretty good time for us. Then we drove by an Islamic Center. And I quote:

"Hmm, an Islamic Center. I should visit one day. With a hand grenade. I mean, _some_ Muslims are ok, but most are trying to kill us."

Reminded of why I have very little respect for you,
Me.


----------



## cinnamitch

lalatx said:


> Dear Cedar trees,
> 
> I hate you more than anything else in the world... Except maybe for Hitler but hes dead. You wreck havoc on the entire cities allergies when you release your spores.
> 
> 
> Yours truly and sickly (thanks to you. You stupid trees.)
> 
> -Morgan



You know my oldest daughter was deathly allergic to cedar trees. If she touched one she would swell up and get hives and would have to have a shot. Was kind of hard on her as a kid considering Texas is full of cedar trees. Our land had cedar trees as well and my ex had to cut them down so we didn't have to worry about her getting too near them. Luckily she seems to have developed a bit of a tolerance to them now and only gets itchy.


----------



## mimosa

Dear W, 

Thanks for caring for me. It makes me feel good that you do. May God continue to bless and enrich your life. You mean a lot to me. 

Love Always, 

M


----------



## CAMellie

Mr. Mail Delivery Person,

Please don't make me have to kill you, ok? You already sent my student loan check back once. Do it again and I will destroy you! Got it?! GOOD!!

Resident at the same place for more than FOUR years!


----------



## samuraiscott

Dear Someone Who is on the DIMS Forums:

You are just too fine.:wubu:

Signed,

Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear M,

How Stupid of me to want you to make me feel acknowleged and special, when your oh-so busy with your precious WoW. 

I hate that I can't be mad at you, because I knew you were a WoW-Addicted Self-Proclaimed Asshole when I fell for you..

I fucking hate that I love you, you bastard.

Sincerely,
Me.


----------



## mimosa

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear M,
> 
> How Stupid of me to want you to make me feel acknowleged and special, when your oh-so busy with your precious WoW.
> 
> I hate that I can't be mad at you, because I knew you were a WoW-Addicted Self-Proclaimed Asshole when I fell for you..
> 
> I fucking hate that I love you, you bastard.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Me.



Dearest Plump Princess 

I can relate. Wanna join the convent with me? We can sing like in the Sound Of Music and live in the mountains. What do you say?

Sister Mimosa


----------



## Your Plump Princess

mimosa said:


> Dearest Plump Princess
> 
> I can relate. Wanna join the convent with me? We can sing like in the Sound Of Music and live in the mountains. What do you say?
> 
> Sister Mimosa


Dearest Mimosa, 

..If wardrobe is supplied? Definitely! 

Sincerely,

Your Plump Princess -AKA- Warming Up My Voice


----------



## joswitch

Dear, my stalkers,

Perhaps you could get together and form a ping-pong club or something? Y'know, something productive for you to do (but, please don't breed)... instead of spending your time eaten up with poison about me who, variously: you hardly know / haven't spoken to in over a year / has never done you any harm at all / isn't even on the same land mass as you....

Also, Greasy Stalker? Your death threat was truly, deeply lame.
Give it up and get a life.

Yours Wearily
J


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Sister,

I love you and all...but sometimes you can really make me angry. It took me 6 months to convince you that acidophillus will help with a stomach bug and then when i did, you devoured my entire bottle. I understand that the kids were sick and i even told you to take it but you said you'd replace it and i believed you. I've been babysitting your kids (who have been sick) and obviously i've been highly exposed to it. Soooooooooooooooooooo when you said you would replace what you used i guess i took your word for it. So now that i've been sick today and got home and found not a DROP of it left...well, yeah you should figure i'd be upset. Especially when you told me just the other day that you went and bought an entire new bottle. It's just flat out inconsiderate. What further angered me is that you wouldn't even answer your phone so i could talk to you about it...and when you did finally answer, the first words out of your mouth were, "is there a problem???" ..umm yeah, there IS a problem. That was extremely inconsiderate of you

but when that stuff happens you don't consider the other side of the coin or how inconsiderate you were in the situation. You never do...if there's ever a fight or argument i'm the one who is expected to cave in. 

Good Luck cuz i feel like you owe me an apology on this one.

Signed,

Makes Me Sick To My Stomach


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Universe,
Why do my exes always ask me if I am dating?
signed
Confused me.


----------



## mimosa

Dear internet guys

Why is it that you always want to send me a photo of your penis? I DO NOT want to see it. Flirting does NOT mean "Send me penis photo." :doh: How would you like it if I randomly started sending photos of my [email protected]&&y to all of your email boxes, instant messages, or phone ???   What would you think of me then? Yes, you are all a bunch of SLUTTY WHORES and PREVS! Go send your penis photos to your Mamas!!!!!!!!!!!! 


DO NOT WANT TO SEE IT, 

Mimosa


----------



## Dromond

Dear job market:

Be kinder to Jackie than you have been, okay? This is getting ridiculous.

Regards,

Me.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear guys in general,

I don't care what anyone says. I still like you even if you break my heart.


Love,
Lainey


----------



## cute&curly

Dear Cordless Mouse,

Why do you only ever need a new battery when I'm in the middle of something very important? Next time, couldn't you run out of juice while I'm playing in iTunes or something. If you hold up your end of the bargain, I promise to never threaten to throw you out the window again.

Sincerely,
Kathy


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dromond said:


> Dear job market:
> 
> Be kinder to Jackie than you have been, okay? This is getting ridiculous.
> 
> Regards,
> 
> Me.



Ditto for Rob...20 months is ridiculous!


----------



## Famouslastwords

mimosa said:


> How would you like it if I randomly started sending photos of my [email protected]&&y to all of your email boxes, instant messages, or phone ???



They would love this hun, absolutely.


----------



## OneWickedAngel

Dear Universe/Fates/God/Goddess

I've had four really,really bad, full out bawling phone calls in the past day and a half. Not even a complete forty eight hours - FOUR of them. Seriously, it's not very merry of You Guys at all - cut it the fuck out! 

Signed,
Wet Emotional Shoulders


----------



## mimosa

Famouslastwords said:


> They would love this hun, absolutely.



LOL Of course they would! Damn pervs.


----------



## mimosa

OneWickedAngel said:


> Dear Universe/Fates/God/Goddess
> 
> I've had four really,really bad, full out bawling phone calls in the past day and a half. Not even a complete forty eight hours - FOUR of them. Seriously, it's not very merry of You Guys at all - cut it the fuck out!
> 
> Signed,
> Wet Emotional Shoulders


I am sorry darling. Sending love and prayers your way. I hope things get better for you. *hug*


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear you-
I see you looking at me and begging me to sample the goods. We've had a tempestuous love affair for a long time and its just not right of you to try to lure me in again with how good you look undressed. That's so naughty. Why are you trying to tempt me so? When I come into the room I can hear your soft voice calling out to me with desire. Don't think for one minute I haven't wanted you. You smell so good and inviting...and just one press of my lips to you would send me to heaven. You look good and the way that your body glistens causes me pangs of desire. I get an almost erotic tingle that goes from my toes to my fingertips everytime I see you. Its just unfair that I cannot have you. I made you who you are but the cold hard truth is that you belong to someone else. 
I know, I know...I gave you tender loving care, massaged you, gave you everything you need to be the best that you can be...and I should be the one that gets to benefit from that. But, I see now that I cannot have you. You were meant for someone else and it breaks my heart to have to let you go. You are all dressed up and ready to go to someone else. I will miss you and hate that I could not taste you one more time. 
I hope that it won't cost too much to ship you by mail. My friend is expecting you. Be nice and treat her with the same love and affection that you've given me in the past. Be good to her, christmas cookies--be good to her.


----------



## littlefairywren

OneWickedAngel said:


> Dear Universe/Fates/God/Goddess
> 
> I've had four really,really bad, full out bawling phone calls in the past day and a half. Not even a complete forty eight hours - FOUR of them. Seriously, it's not very merry of You Guys at all - cut it the fuck out!
> 
> Signed,
> Wet Emotional Shoulders



Soft hugs, OWA. Lots and lots of them!


----------



## AuntHen

Dear littlefairywren (K),

How are you my lovely? I hope you have a most wonderful holiday! I love you! :wubu:

B


----------



## littlefairywren

fat9276 said:


> Dear littlefairywren (K),
> 
> How are you my lovely? I hope you have a most wonderful holiday! I love you! :wubu:
> 
> B



Dear fat9276 (B),

Oh gosh, you just made me cry. I am well, my sweet girl, and hope that you and yours are too. You deserve nothing but happiness! I love you too! :wubu:

K


----------



## Your Plump Princess

OneWickedAngel said:


> Dear Universe/Fates/God/Goddess
> 
> I've had four really,really bad, full out bawling phone calls in the past day and a half. Not even a complete forty eight hours - FOUR of them. Seriously, it's not very merry of You Guys at all - cut it the fuck out!
> 
> Signed,
> Wet Emotional Shoulders


Dear OWA,

Sending you all the hugs these squishy arms can muster, and all the love in the world. 


Wishing you many better days,
YPP


----------



## Famouslastwords

Lovelyone said:


> Dear you-
> I see you looking at me and begging me to sample the goods. We've had a tempestuous love affair for a long time and its just not right of you to try to lure me in again with how good you look undressed. That's so naughty. Why are you trying to tempt me so? When I come into the room I can hear your soft voice calling out to me with desire. Don't think for one minute I haven't wanted you. You smell so good and inviting...and just one press of my lips to you would send me to heaven. You look good and the way that your body glistens causes me pangs of desire. I get an almost erotic tingle that goes from my toes to my fingertips everytime I see you. Its just unfair that I cannot have you. I made you who you are but the cold hard truth is that you belong to someone else.
> I know, I know...I gave you tender loving care, massaged you, gave you everything you need to be the best that you can be...and I should be the one that gets to benefit from that. But, I see now that I cannot have you. You were meant for someone else and it breaks my heart to have to let you go. You are all dressed up and ready to go to someone else. I will miss you and hate that I could not taste you one more time.
> I hope that it won't cost too much to ship you by mail. My friend is expecting you. Be nice and treat her with the same love and affection that you've given me in the past. Be good to her, christmas cookies--be good to her.



This is sooooo wrong.


----------



## Mishty

Dear Family & Friends,

I've spent the very last of my cash on candies and chocolates to make you all incredible gift baskets for the holidays! I made sure to buy a little of something you all liked, which in the end broke me, 'cause I found Godiva at K-mart. 
I don't mind, I've made some pretty fucking sweet ass gifts for each of you, however if you fuckers don't stop stealing my god damn internet in my driveway I'll eat all this shit right now, right here. If you don't have wireless for your iPhone, tough titty, I'm on a damn satellite internet I'm only allowed very little during the day, so whomever it was that decided to watch videos after leaving today can explain to everyone else why they don't get noooo sweets. 

I mean, bringing over a can of Campbells and a pack of Halls doesn't mean you get to sit outside my window for 45 g'damn minutes STREAMING. I don't stream till 1 AM when it's FREE. :doh:

That's it. Consider your gift et. 

signed,
EatingallyourtrufflesbonbonsPockyanddippedfruit



P.S. I'm eating all the Wonka Mama got for your brats to.


----------



## Dromond

Dear Mishty,

Secure your wireless router.

Sincerely,

Dro the technogeek.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dromond said:


> Dear Mishty,
> 
> Secure your wireless router.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Dro the technogeek.



^^^ This.

It's very easy and totally worth doing.


----------



## penguin

mimosa said:


> Why is it that you always want to send me a photo of your penis?



I once received an email from a guy with the subject "that was great, can I have more?", and he attached a picture of my printed out profile picture that he'd jacked off onto, and had his dick resting on top of it.

Uh, pass. Big time.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

penguin said:


> I once received an email from a guy with the subject "that was great, can I have more?", and he attached a picture of my printed out profile picture that he'd jacked off onto, and had his dick resting on top of it.
> 
> Uh, pass. Big time.


*FUCKING.CREEPY. 'nuff said.*


----------



## Meddlecase

penguin said:


> I once received an email from a guy with the subject "that was great, can I have more?", and he attached a picture of my printed out profile picture that he'd jacked off onto, and had his dick resting on top of it.
> 
> Uh, pass. Big time.



So glad I'm not an attractive woman.


----------



## littlefairywren

penguin said:


> I once received an email from a guy with the subject "that was great, can I have more?", and he attached a picture of my printed out profile picture that he'd jacked off onto, and had his dick resting on top of it.
> 
> Uh, pass. Big time.



I would have been ticked off enough to send him back said profile pic, complete with his dick impaled on a fork!


----------



## willowmoon

Dear Self,

Next year don't be such a procrastinator when it comes to Christmas shopping. It'll be a lot less frustrating shopping experience.

Sincerely,

Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

willowmoon said:


> Dear Self,
> 
> Next year don't be such a procrastinator when it comes to Christmas shopping. It'll be a lot less frustrating shopping experience.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Me


Dear Willowmoon,


Tsk Tsk Tsk Tsk Tsk. 


Sincerely,
Someone who has to go shopping CHRISTMAS EFFING EVE.


----------



## Bigtigmom

penguin said:


> I once received an email from a guy with the subject "that was great, can I have more?", and he attached a picture of my printed out profile picture that he'd jacked off onto, and had his dick resting on top of it.
> 
> Uh, pass. Big time.



That's freakin nasty!! Too bad he didn't get a papercut on his Pecker!! What a perv.



littlefairywren said:


> I would have been ticked off enough to send him back said profile pic, complete with his dick impaled on a fork!



That was a good one!!! LOL


----------



## OneWickedAngel

littlefairywren said:


> I would have been ticked off enough to send him back said profile pic, complete with his dick impaled on a fork!



"You must spread reputation before giving it to littlefairywren again." 

Unfortunately, such egos might misread the use of a fork as desiring the penis "for dinner". I'd impale the tool (and thus it's owner) on this...






...direct from the Lorena Bobbitt line of course (Photoshop has it's uses). No mistaking the intent there!


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear worst childhood bully,

You obviously have no clue as an adult how absolutely traumatic you made my childhood. You hit me, kicked me, teased me relentlessly about my weight, deliberately excluded me from things and just generally treated me like shit for years. The fact that you were my neighbor and one of very few my age nearby meant I had no way to get away from you. 

About a year ago you started friend-requesting me on Facebook. I denied you, quietly, over and over again, even going a long time before denying you/answering you because I was hoping you'd forget about it and not realize I'd denied you. I haven't blocked you, because our families are still good friends and I didn't want to cause drama. 

So this message from you the other day was a surprise, though I guess it shouldn't have been:

"Hi
I keep seeing you on here and keep sending you a friend request but you keep denying me. Just wondering why? I haven't seen you in years just wondering how you and your family are doing. Merry xmas!"

Like we were best buddies, and need to catch up over a hot chocolate at Starbucks or something.

Hopefully my response you clarified a few things. 

"The reason I haven't said anything to you is that I don't want to hurt you or cause any conflict. Especially this time of year - the last thing I want to do is cause any tension.

But since you asked, I guess I have to tell you. I'm sure you don't see yourself this way (who would?) but growing up being bullied by you was not a good experience. My childhood is full of memories of being hit and kicked by you, excluded from things, teased relentlessly by you because of my weight (I'm not saying everyone didn't do THAT, but you were definitely the worst and most persistent) and just generally being treated very badly by you.

In the intervening years I have moved on with my life, gotten an amazing education at a top-20 liberal arts college and done something with myself, and moved past my horrendous childhood.

But I have no desire to dredge any of that up again or allow someone who has such a history of being hateful to me access to my adult life and experiences. I would like to keep those negative experiences in the past, where they belong, and I hope you can respect that."

We'll see how you respond to this. If you respect my wishes, I might actually think you've grown up. If you come back with something nasty, I'll know nothing has changed. I guess we'll have to wait and see.


----------



## mimosa

Lady at antique shop, 

Sorry, we live in Colorado. So even if I did not say it was going to snow.....it would. So you can stop your rude hushing! It's very rude to do that to a person. Have some manners! 



Polite chubby lady.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Shopping Cart Attendant,

Thank you soooooooooooooo much for finding my purse and taking it behind the counter. I have never left my purse in the cart before and just took off like that...it was a first for me. I was stressing really badly before i got back to the store and was so relieved to find that you had taken care of this for me. Thank you, now i will just relax and enjoy my adult Christmas beverage in peace.

Forgetfully Yours,

Me


----------



## mimosa

penguin said:


> I once received an email from a guy with the subject "that was great, can I have more?", and he attached a picture of my printed out profile picture that he'd jacked off onto, and had his dick resting on top of it.
> 
> Uh, pass. Big time.



Ahi Dios Mio! I am sorry you had to see that.  I had something like that happen to me as well. :doh:

*Don't they know I had my fill of penis already!http://www.fredflare.com/customer/product.php?productid=5763&cat=366*


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear worst childhood bully,
> 
> (snip)



Surprisingly, this was her response. 

"I can totally respect that. Glad to hear things are going well for you."

I'm in shock. Of course, she's probably making fun of me behind my back... but who knows, maybe she actually grew up... maybe?


----------



## Meddlecase

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Surprisingly, this was her response.
> 
> "I can totally respect that. Glad to hear things are going well for you."
> 
> I'm in shock. Of course, she's probably making fun of me behind my back... but who knows, maybe she actually grew up... maybe?



Growing up is rare, but from time to time..it happens. Hopefully she means that and isn't being an assface behind your back like you think she might be.


----------



## Famouslastwords

penguin said:


> I once received an email from a guy with the subject "that was great, can I have more?", and he attached a picture of my printed out profile picture that he'd jacked off onto, and had his dick resting on top of it.
> 
> Uh, pass. Big time.



Oh no! It happened to Elaine too, the pic is attached below.



littlefairywren said:


> I would have been ticked off enough to send him back said profile pic, complete with his dick impaled on a fork!



Please do. 



OneWickedAngel said:


> "You must spread reputation before giving it to littlefairywren again."
> 
> Unfortunately, such egos might misread the use of a fork as desiring the penis "for dinner". I'd impale the tool (and thus it's owner) on this...
> ...direct from the Lorena Bobbitt line of course (Photoshop has it's uses). No mistaking the intent there!


lol 

View attachment Elaine's violation.jpg


----------



## CastingPearls

Famouslastwords said:


> Oh no! It happened to Elaine too, the pic is attached below.
> 
> 
> 
> Please do.
> 
> 
> lol



You're lucky you live so far away. LOL


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear lady I liked,
In order to recieve lots of love you may want to consider putting down the bottle of white zin and actually making a physical effort. Somehow the boozy stagger loses its appeal over time.

Dear Singer
Love we have the same faith, Hate arguing with you for 4 hours a time about faith. Even creepier is how you're suddenly chummy and asking how long I have known certain mutual friends.

Dear God/Goddess/Great Whatever,
For whatever reason you put the above mentioned women in my life I don't really get it. I ask for something simple. But Im willing to step up and say I'd forgo a life of pleasure and love if you would Man up and heal every sick kid around. I'll step up you just get off your ass and name the time and place if you can.
Sincerely 
Me.


----------



## Victim

Dear Trixie


FUCKING CALL OR EMAIL SOMEONE TO LET US KNOW YOU ARE OK. 

That is all, really.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Lisa,

Today would have been your 38th birthday. I thought you would live forever. Christmas is not the same without you. I remember how I used to take you somewhere special for dinner, just you and me and we'd wear our tiaras. Then we'd go back to your house and drink pina coladas and light your Yankee Candle Christmas Eve candle and sing Patsy Cline's Crazy. 

I remember how you always wanted me to wrap your birthday gifts in BIRTHDAY paper and not Christmas paper but you insisted you get a special Christmas birthday card. I remember how you knew that gifts you made with your own hands meant more than anything and the stupid toys and gags you bought me delighted me like a child. I proudly display the quilt, the perverted Mickey Mouse diorama, the rubber chicken and the cow-in-a-can. 

You were unbelievably beautiful but never looked down or condescended to anyone. You were smart and never made anyone feel small. The only time you ever got mad was when people were mean to others and I was your hero and all your friends wanted to be my little sister too but it was your free spirit and honesty I admired. You were my hero.

I was writing my blog today and I kept typing 'she does' and 'she is' because you really are still with me. I feel you around me and know you are safe and that one day we will be together again. 

I miss you so much, Boo. Merry Christmas Birthday.

Love forever,
E

Letters from the Sky - Civil Twilight http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Wa7dFR09vU


----------



## shinyapple

Dear Elaine -

Thank you. I was all set to write a somewhat bitter letter about my cousin bringing a giant empty box packed with paper and another empty box as his white elephant gift and then letting me give his son the gift of toy cars I'd been stuck with without a thank you. Your letter to your sister made me think before I typed.

I'm sorry for your loss. It never gets easier to lose some people, does it? I hope you find joy and peace in your own way and time.

Hugs, 
Random Internet Stranger

================================================

Dear Lily -

Wow, has it really been nine years? It's been so easy the last few anniversaries. I'd look up, realize it was the twentieth, and be able to move on with a smile for the short time we had. For some reason, it hits hard all over again this year.

You'd be nine this year. I wonder if you'd like the dreaded Justin Beiber or if I'd be a better influence on your choices than your friends. Would you be a girly girl or a little rebel? What would your Christmas pajamas look like and would you pretend to sleep and listen while the adults wrapped gifts and chatted in the living room? How much giggling would your aunts and I be shushing with the combined effort of you, the twins, Abbie and your brother?

I sort of had it in the back of my head that next year would be hard. The ten year anniversary of your death and maybe I'd finally be able to drive up and walk into the cemetery. But still I wonder...what would it have been like? What would YOU have been like?

We miss you, my sweet piglet. You may not have been mine by birth, but you are always mine in my heart. 

Love, 
Momma Auntie


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky,

Please let her be ok. Can you not help fix things in some way? You know she is important to me, and that I care for her very much. We have plans to catch up one day, and sit on that porch of hers. Please....

Love
Kimberly


----------



## mossystate

Mom and Dad, 

You were and are my Christmas. 

I miss you and I thank you for so many wonderful and amazing Christmases. I simply do not understand how you managed to do what you did for so many kids. 

I can still feel the thrill of lining up, in order ( for a time, 10 excited children ), behind the sheet you would hold up - making a small production of what would soon hit us. We dragged your butts out of bed early on those mornings, not caring that Mom probably didn't get to sleep until the very wee hours of the morning - after midnight Mass and the breakfast we had at home following it. The halved grapefruit, sprinkled with sugar and topped with a maraschino cherry, was the pretty warm-up act to the sparkle that was yet to come. 

Bikes and handmade Barbie clothing ( I would KILL to have those outfits, especially appreciating now how Mom must have worked long into many a night, making wee wool suits and shimmering dresses ), games and books and, yes, even the ABC's of socks and other not as fun stuff. Heh. 

Even the memory of your energy exhausts me. I hope that you had more good times than bad, and that you know how much I love you. My strongest gifts came from the two of you. My good heart belongs to both of you.

Thank you, Mom and Dad...Merry Christmas...I love you.

Monique ( number 8, and, come on, it's just us...the best of your kids )


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Most Awesome Guy Friends,

I just love hanging out with y'all...With y'all i can be absolutely retarded and it's all in good fun lol Yes, me throwing up my hands and loudly singing "We Are The Champions" as i THOUGHT i was about to win the game was anti-climactic being that Chris came in behind me and totally whipped my ass lol....but that was one of the best laughs i've had in weeks lol. I love that i can have that kind of abandoned fun that i used to have as a kid with y'all. Y'all make me feel like a kid again and i just love that <3 I also love that y'all specifically hunt me down if y'all have weed hahahahahhaha. On a much sadder note, being with y'all reminds me how it feels to have brotherly feelings again....i've missed that relationship with my brother for 18 yrs now and y'all give that back to me. I love y'all all very much :wubu:

*in my best/worst high pitched falsetto iron maiden sounding voice* See you in hell my friends lol

Love,

Melissa

PS, does it seem kinda alabama trailer park-ish to be getting high while on a walker? i dunno...maybe...OH WELL, if i round a corner on two wheels y'all don't lemme fall hahahahahhahaha


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Mom,

It crushed my heart to hear you admit that the reason your not happy or proud I graduated highschool was because I did it when I was 20.

I wish you loved me more....

Totally,
Your Ever-Dissapointing Offspring.


----------



## TraciJo67

Dear YPP,

Don't let anyone detract from the pleasure and sense of pride that you should get from accomplishing a goal that is important to you. 

Sincerely,
A Mom Who Thinks You're Pretty Effin' Cool


----------



## mimosa

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Mom,
> 
> It crushed my heart to hear you admit that the reason your not happy or proud I graduated highschool was because I did it when I was 20.
> 
> I wish you loved me more....
> 
> Totally,
> Your Ever-Dissapointing Offspring.




Dearest Your Plump Princess, 

You are a strong and independent young lady. A beautiful Princess like you does not need anyone's compliments or approval. You know why?......'cause you ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! Congrats on finishing high school. You should be proud of yourself. 

With love and respect, 

Mimosa :bow:


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Mom,
> 
> It crushed my heart to hear you admit that the reason your not happy or proud I graduated highschool was because I did it when I was 20.
> 
> I wish you loved me more....
> 
> Totally,
> Your Ever-Dissapointing Offspring.



Dear YPP,

Even though it's hard sometimes, you can't always rely on encouragement and support from the ones you love. Be proud for yourself, hun, because you should be!! You took it upon yourself to complete that goal and you did - which shows that whatever you put your mind to, you can do! Congrats!!!

((huggles))
Me

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear 2010,

What a completely horrid year you have been to me..I couldn't be more happier to see you go! You pushed me into such a deep depression, most of this year, that I was nearly suicidal and when I finally had risen from your clutches, you decided to inflict more turmoil into my life through my ex. While you almost had me beat there, it truly turned out to be a blessing in disguise. So for that, I say thanks and bid thee good-bye! 2011 is SO going to kick your ass!!

Signed,
Never looking back!!


----------



## JerseyGirl07093

CastingPearls said:


> Dear Lisa,
> 
> Today would have been your 38th birthday. I thought you would live forever. Christmas is not the same without you. I remember how I used to take you somewhere special for dinner, just you and me and we'd wear our tiaras. Then we'd go back to your house and drink pina coladas and light your Yankee Candle Christmas Eve candle and sing Patsy Cline's Crazy.
> 
> I remember how you always wanted me to wrap your birthday gifts in BIRTHDAY paper and not Christmas paper but you insisted you get a special Christmas birthday card. I remember how you knew that gifts you made with your own hands meant more than anything and the stupid toys and gags you bought me delighted me like a child. I proudly display the quilt, the perverted Mickey Mouse diorama, the rubber chicken and the cow-in-a-can.
> 
> You were unbelievably beautiful but never looked down or condescended to anyone. You were smart and never made anyone feel small. The only time you ever got mad was when people were mean to others and I was your hero and all your friends wanted to be my little sister too but it was your free spirit and honesty I admired. You were my hero.
> 
> I was writing my blog today and I kept typing 'she does' and 'she is' because you really are still with me. I feel you around me and know you are safe and that one day we will be together again.
> 
> I miss you so much, Boo. Merry Christmas Birthday.
> 
> Love forever,
> E
> 
> Letters from the Sky - Civil Twilight http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Wa7dFR09vU



What a lovely tribute to your sister. She is so beautiful and you two look so much alike. That picture reminds me of a book I had when I was a child, it was called Snow White and Rose Red. The two of you look just like they did in the book. :happy:


----------



## mimosa

Father in Heaven, 

I feel defeated. Please say you still have a plan for my life. Please help me to find a good place that I can call home. A place where love is and I belong. I want to feel safe again. Too many broken dreams. Please do not forget about me. 

Mimosa


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Mother,

I don't even know where to begin....i try to believe that there is a part of me that loves you but i have a very hard time finding that place. I have suffered years YEARS of abuse from you and it is just never ending. You wonder why i treat you as if i don't care, but...it's because i don't care. You're still holding a grudge that i didn't come rushing down to Mobile when you had your quadruple bypass but it's no wonder really...because most of me really just doesn't care whether you live or die. I know that's a really rotten thing to say...but ya know what, you deserve it. You deserve my feelings of hatred...you created them.

When you finally do die, the only tears that will be shed from me will be because i will be grieving that i never really had a mother and for the pain that the other family member's will feel at your passing....but that's it. As for me, my life will be better once you pass on.

Sincerely,

Your Daughter


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Lovelies, 

Thank you all, your words are truly touching. 

My mom's never really been proud of my accomplishments, yet I still feel this terrific desire for her approval, even at my age... I'm starting to learn I don't need it, just really hard I guess, heh. 


Forever Thankful,
Megan. 




Dear Dims,

Sorry I'm an Emo Kid. I'll try better not to be all woe-is-me. I know it's annoying, and there's probably a bunch of rather ugly names I've been called behind my back, but I'm going to try to change. 


Rainbows and Pixie Dust,
Your Resident Eeyore.


----------



## BrownEyedChica

Dear Amazon,

Why oh why do you tempt me so? The prime membership doesn't help either.. why oh why. 


Your broke prime member,
Eli


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Pat-

Thanks for making an effort. I know how hard that must've been for you because you never tried before and suggesting that we get together on NYE...that was priceless. It shocked the hell out of me and I honestly dont know what to think about it except that I think that it's sad that it took our mother dying for you to want to be my sister again. I am trying to be accepting and I am asking God for guidance because quite frankly, I don't know what to do. You never offered up an apology for all the purposefully hurtful things that you've done to me in the recent past. Besides acceptance and acknowledgement--that's all I ever really wanted from you. 
As a Christian I want and need to be forgiving, loving, and kind...but as your sister--the one that you hurt so deeply--that is hard for me to do. I feel resentment, anger, and humiliation every time I think about those things. I will continue to pray for an answer...and if I dont receive one, I will take things one minute at a time. 
Again I thank you for at least trying to make the effort.


----------



## BBW4Chattery

Dearest Fella - 

I think you're the one now.

You thought I was the one in 1997.

Will we ever be in the same place at the same time?

I'm not impatient, I'm just anxious to share my life with you.

I get it if I didn't grow up into the person you want for a mate. I think it'd be best for us both if you just told me instead of sending such mixed signals.

I will be seeing you face to face again within 6 months. I hope I have an answer by the time I get back on that plane. 

I don't want to spend my 32nd year tossing my love into a black hole.

Hugs, Love, and Wishes that I get an answer soon,
Me


----------



## Victim

Dammit Trixie, you actually better BE dead, because if you blew off A.M. and everyone else over the holidays just 'because', we are going to be drawing straws to see who gets the chance to kick your ass first. I learned I'm not the only one thinking very sad things about this situation.

#$%&ING CALL SOMEONE.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dearest FB friends-
What is the deal with all these Effed up stat messages?
Do I REALLY have to read about your hygiene problems in your stat messages? Is it really necessary to post about how your dog ate its own poop, or how the mailman left your brown paper wrapped dildo on your doorstep for all the neighbors to see and guess at what's inside?

I am not even going to mention the postings that family members put up...sheesh. UGH.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Friends,

I'm so sorry for your loss  I met him a few times but didn't really know him ....I will go to the services so i can be there for you all in case you need me for support. It's the best i can do...because i know there are no words that can really help in a time like this.

My Deepest Condolences,

Me


----------



## mossystate

Next door neighbors,

*MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Whatever the fuck nasty you cook on a regular basis is making me want to do very bad things. The what smells like boiled meat with perfumed spices and onions that you must then fry in rancid oil found in the nether regions of drunken skunks...mmmmmmmmmmm!

Please, just go away. If I could figure out what I could possibly cook to make you barf...I would...but nothing is as bad as this.........nothing. My eyes and throat are burning, and here I sit with my windows open. Oh, hey, it snowed today, so the cold air feels super wonderful to a person who has a bad cold and sore throat. * thinks of bad things *

Hoping you move - wishing I could, 
#103


----------



## penguin

mossystate said:


> If I could figure out what I could possibly cook to make you barf...I would...



Try tripe! My parents loved that, but the smell always turned my stomach.


----------



## CastingPearls

mossystate said:


> Next door neighbors,
> 
> *MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
> 
> Whatever the fuck nasty you cook on a regular basis is making me want to do very bad things. The what smells like boiled meat with perfumed spices and onions that you must then fry in rancid oil found in the nether regions of drunken skunks...mmmmmmmmmmm!
> 
> Please, just go away. If I could figure out what I could possibly cook to make you barf...I would...but nothing is as bad as this.........nothing. My eyes and throat are burning, and here I sit with my windows open. Oh, hey, it snowed today, so the cold air feels super wonderful to a person who has a bad cold and sore throat. * thinks of bad things *
> 
> Hoping you move - wishing I could,
> #103


If it didn't make you sick yourself, may I suggest chittlins?


----------



## mossystate

penguin said:


> Try tripe! My parents loved that, but the smell always turned my stomach.





CastingPearls said:


> If it didn't make you sick yourself, may I suggest chittlins?



You people are sick.



I guess I want to magically not be able smell the horrible things I would be cooking, and just give them the gift. If that were a posibility...oh, my imagination is quite fertile. I scare myself.


----------



## largenlovely

maybe try Zicam? I hear in some individuals it fucks up their noses where they can't smell things ever again....it would also help your cold AND you could put in a lawsuit against Zicam so you could afford to move...

problem

solved 

hehe ..that was easy..gimme another one  lol



mossystate said:


> I guess I want to magically not be able smell the horrible things I would be cooking, and just give them the gift. If that were a posibility...oh, my imagination is quite fertile. I scare myself.


----------



## Victim

mossystate said:


> Next door neighbors,
> 
> *MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
> 
> Whatever the fuck nasty you cook on a regular basis is making me want to do very bad things. The what smells like boiled meat with perfumed spices and onions that you must then fry in rancid oil found in the nether regions of drunken skunks...mmmmmmmmmmm!
> 
> Please, just go away. If I could figure out what I could possibly cook to make you barf...I would...but nothing is as bad as this.........nothing. My eyes and throat are burning, and here I sit with my windows open. Oh, hey, it snowed today, so the cold air feels super wonderful to a person who has a bad cold and sore throat. * thinks of bad things *
> 
> Hoping you move - wishing I could,
> #103



Our downstairs neighbors like to deep fry using what smells like 3 month old oil that has seen nothing but cheap fish sticks. I feel your pain.


----------



## Deven

mossystate said:


> Next door neighbors,
> 
> *MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
> 
> Whatever the fuck nasty you cook on a regular basis is making me want to do very bad things. The what smells like boiled meat with perfumed spices and onions that you must then fry in rancid oil found in the nether regions of drunken skunks...mmmmmmmmmmm!
> 
> Please, just go away. If I could figure out what I could possibly cook to make you barf...I would...but nothing is as bad as this.........nothing. My eyes and throat are burning, and here I sit with my windows open. Oh, hey, it snowed today, so the cold air feels super wonderful to a person who has a bad cold and sore throat. * thinks of bad things *
> 
> Hoping you move - wishing I could,
> #103



Not to help your imagination, but a little Vicks Vapor Rub under the nose, just a dab, helps combat bad smells. Make sure that its DIRECTLY under the nostrils.

You could use it and close your windows, or, my favorite suggestion:

*Use it to cook something particularly nasty smelling for revenge.* 

It's a nifty trick I learned when I worked for a coroner.


----------



## cinnamitch

Oh ex of mine.
It's been 10 friggin years. Can you get over it, move on, deal with it or whatever? I am so tired of watching you disappoint our kids with your behavior. I had great hopes for you this time. You had been making an effort, civil phone conversations with the kids and making plans to come see the grandkids THAT YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN. So you get all butt hurt because my son does not want you bunking here in the same house as me, You know me- the woman you curse daily and have cursed for years and wished me dead many many times and even spit on me a couple of times. You say I am controlling them, *Wake up asshole*, they are grown, the boys pay the rent not me, it is their decision. So now you have decided you will come when you are not such an inconvenience to everyone. Yeah just go on and throw that pity party one more time. I give up. You are beyond hope. I am tired of trying to keep the lines open between you and the kids. You are blowing it big time buster.


----------



## Deven

Dear Supposed Best Friend,
I get that you are deploying in 5 days. I wish you the best, and you know I'll write and send you gift boxes... if only you didn't move to Arizona, I could see you again before you go. Oh... you were in town over Christmas break? And I was the ONLY one you didn't tell? I get it if you just spent time with your family, but I could've easily as come to our mutual close friend's when you spent the night there.

I'll still send you gift boxes because you're a soldier. Just know that you really hurt me, and this isn't the first time. I wish I could say all this before you deployed, but I won't. I'll bite my tongue and forget about it.

Sincerely,
Miffed


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Yesterday,

what the fuck happened? You were bizarre in ways that me and my sister are having a hard time comprehending. We honestly felt ganged up on...and we don't appreciate it one bit!!! We're both glad you're gone

Unappreciatively,

Me


----------



## penguin

Dear body,

You weren't drunk. You weren't even tipsy. So why on earth do you feel like you're hungover?? And WHY did you have to wake up so damn early?

No love,

me.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear penguin,

I'm totally with ya. I have the headache from hell today and I feel like crud. Should have stayed in bed. lol


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Super Dysfunctional Cousins,

Y'all know that we cut your sister out of our lives forever...and we did the same thing to your parents for a while. I don't understand why you don't think we would do the same to you for the same behavior. We aren't unreasonable and are good decent people...we gave you a chance. In fact, we probably gave you more chances than anyone else would..but you've gone too far. 

Our families are as different as night and day... we are a lot more straight forward and direct but y'all are the sneakiest people we've ever come across. The thing is, you think we're stupid and aren't able to SEE what you're doing. We see it...sometimes we just don't comment on it and just wait and watch to make a decision at a later date. 

Now though....you've gone too far. There's no turning back ....you're doing your damndest to try to talk yourself out of it but we KNOW.....there's no way you'll convince us otherwise that you are not the guilty party. We have facts to back it up and we've caught you in too many lies...sorry....it's too late. 

We hope y'all stay off drugs...sincerely. We really do...we have hoped for years that your entire family would miraculously realize what very bad people you have become. Rotten...bad to the core and what i would really just consider evil. To just intentionally start some of the things you've started? i just don't get it...why? why would you even want to do those things to people? ...but i'm getting diverted. The whole point is, you are being cut from our lives...not just one, but all. We stick together and have loyalties. When you fuck with one of us, you have fucked with all of us. So...yeah, it's over. 

Good luck to you and we hope that you will change your ways

Resolutely,

Us


----------



## Mishty

Hello My One and Only,

I've been putting you through hell lately, and I know all my drinking hurts you more than it hurts us, and sometimes I treat you as if you are fourteen years old instead of your actual weary twenty-eight. I apologize. The floor hurt our back, and I know I should know better to put you through it. 
*But*: It's mo'effin' New Years Eve! I know you are doing this to me on purpose, being mean, aching and hurting, weighing me down, you have to stop. Perk up, or I'm gonna really put you through some hell, I have every intention on having an Epic night. Whether you catch up or feel like boiled death, you have to come. We're attached. My beautiful body, stop fighting with me, and join me, it'll be fun. I promise we'll sleep all day, and I'll even give you a soak tomorrow in the rose milk you love so much, and some body butter? Doesn't that sound lovely?

I love you, I need you.

Yours,
M.H 

P.S. I know you want a nap, but it's 4:14, and you need to get in primp mode, not snuggle mode. _Please._


----------



## furious styles

dear 2010;


kill yourself


----------



## TimeTraveller

furious styles said:


> dear 2010;
> 
> kill yourself


Here's an actual letter and it's priceless. I was just old enough to realize that 1968 royally sucked with riots, assassinations and other atrocities. Then in December three astronauts made the very first flight to orbit the Moon, and for that month at least there was true hope in the air. Afterward, mission Commander Frank Borman received this anonymous telegram:

"Thank you Apollo 8. You saved 1968."


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Dimensions,

One of the best things that happened in an otherwise craptacular year was that I found you.
I've met some people here who got me to think, for good or bad--still it was a welcome challenge. 
I've met some whose stories could and did break my heart, many of which were so similar to my own I wept when they did and it haunted me for days.
I've never in my life seen such a beautiful group of vibrant people and so many have come to be my friends, and even those who haven't had made an impression and sometimes handed me a laugh.
And then there are those who I've come to love. I would have scoffed at the possibility of love over the internet a year ago but it happened and I don't regret it.
Those I love know who they are because life is so short I never fail to gush how I feel. Those who inspire me, amuse me or delight me or even irritate me--it's all the same--thank you. It's been a fun ride.
I didn't have the privilege of being part of the Old Dimensions that is spoken of often but hope to be part of and remembered as one of the New....
Love it or hate...Long Live Dimensions!

Thank you,
CastingPearls
Lainey


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Stupid Teenagers.. I Mean uh, _Friends_-


It's nice you invited I and several other friends to a New Years Eve party. I'm sorry you had to cancel, I'm not disappointed about that. However, I'm really fucking PISSED that you did so at the last minute, literally, when I heard from a friend you made other plans as early as this morning. No phone call, really? 


Get your shit together,
Me.


----------



## bmann0413

Dear 2011,

I'm going to try my hardest to make you a really great year. Not just for me, but for everyone I care about. Just be sure to help me out and pull your weight. I'm counting on you. 

-- Lloyd


----------



## mimosa

*Dear Ian, 

If you are reading this.....it's because you are stalking me again. LOL. I seeeeeee you!:bounce:


Hugs, 

Mimi:happy:*


----------



## Missy9579

Dear Two Bouncing Baby Boys growing inside my belly....


We have about another 10 weeks that we have to live like this....so if you guys could PLEASE stop jumping on my bladder, kicking my ribs, taking up so much space I can't breathe and just be nice to your mama-to-be....I would be so happy.

Just sit back and chill and enjoy the ride...when you come out you can move as much as you want to...but let's not make these next 10 weeks pure hell...I am already hormonal, cranky, tired, sore, cranky and stretched to the max.

Thanks!
Your mam-to-be who can't wait to meet you two!


----------



## Ample Pie

Dearest Duckbutt,

Long has this been my favorite quotation:


> "the truth is that fullness of soul can sometimes overflow in utter vapidity of language, for none of us can ever express the exact measure of his needs or his thoughts or his sorrows; and human speech is like a cracked kettle on which we tap crude rhythms for bears to dance to, while we long to make music that will melt the stars."
> ~Gustave Flaubert



But never in the years I've loved it have I understood it so deeply as I do since meeting and getting to know you. 

Every single day, I try to tell you what you mean to me, how you teach me, how you have changed me, how the very existence of you in my life has made me a better person, but it feels only as if I burn through word after word. Pages fill and still I say nothing or, at the very least, never enough.

I have never felt so loved. I have never felt so free to love in return. Never, not once in my life. Never have I understood before what it is like to honestly want to take on any pain if it would spare someone else...even though I always thought I understood. I never did until I met you.

And for more than two years you have dazzled me, taught me, entertained me, listened to me, accepted me, done everything in your power to make me happy--always. I am exhausting and flawed. And never are you daunted by this fact. Never have you stopped. And never have you given me less than 100%. Never. 

You take responsibility for _my_ happiness like it is the greatest pleasure of your life. You never let me go to bed angry or hurt. You never ever tire of reassuring me when I am foolishly lost in my own insecurities.

If I wrote you as a character, no one would believe you exist. But you do. And you are mine. And I am yours.

How this happened will never make sense to me. But, thanks in large part to your influence, it doesn't have to...because I'm finally learning what it means to live in the moment, to trust someone so completely that right now, today, is all that matters. No wondering if I did something wrong yesterday or if I'll screw something up tomorrow. 

Just happiness.

Love,
The other one


----------



## mossystate

Dear Mom, 

I love you and I miss you.

Happy Birthday, most beautiful and sweetest flower.


:kiss2:
Monique

~ January 3, 1921 ~


----------



## AuntHen

Dear *Most *Beautiful Boy,

A whole year of you (and you and me)! January 4th will always have a very special place in my heart, as do *you*! Thanks for letting me in your life... I couldn't imagine mine without you in it!!!! You are amazingly wonderful!! :happy: 

I... m.. c.... :wubu:

:kiss2::kiss2:

~B~


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Family,

I don't know why you just don't take my word for it when i tell you that it hurts me too badly to drive. Mother you are in perfectly good driving condition...you don't need me to do it. It took me attempting to drive and nearly in tears by the time we arrived at our destination for you to understand that i'm NOT faking this shit....it fucking hurts!!! 

You ought to know that the LAST thing i want to give up is driving....it's like losing my freedom but i just can't do it right now. I'm not sure if you're just unaware because i try not to complain or if you just don't fucking care or what....but whatever it is...

Please drive your damn selves

Painfully,

Me


----------



## nettie

Ample Pie said:


> Dearest Duckbutt,
> 
> Long has this been my favorite quotation:
> 
> 
> But never in the years I've loved it have I understood it so deeply as I do since meeting and getting to know you.
> 
> Every single day, I try to tell you what you mean to me, how you teach me, how you have changed me, how the very existence of you in my life has made me a better person, but it feels only as if I burn through word after word. Pages fill and still I say nothing or, at the very least, never enough.
> 
> I have never felt so loved. I have never felt so free to love in return. Never, not once in my life. Never have I understood before what it is like to honestly want to take on any pain if it would spare someone else...even though I always thought I understood. I never did until I met you.
> 
> And for more than two years you have dazzled me, taught me, entertained me, listened to me, accepted me, done everything in your power to make me happy--always. I am exhausting and flawed. And never are you daunted by this fact. Never have you stopped. And never have you given me less than 100%. Never.
> 
> You take responsibility for _my_ happiness like it is the greatest pleasure of your life. You never let me go to bed angry or hurt. You never ever tire of reassuring me when I am foolishly lost in my own insecurities.
> 
> If I wrote you as a character, no one would believe you exist. But you do. And you are mine. And I am yours.
> 
> How this happened will never make sense to me. But, thanks in large part to your influence, it doesn't have to...because I'm finally learning what it means to live in the moment, to trust someone so completely that right now, today, is all that matters. No wondering if I did something wrong yesterday or if I'll screw something up tomorrow.
> 
> Just happiness.
> 
> Love,
> The other one



Such a beautiful tribute. Sounds like he's a pretty lucky guy to have you, as well.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear 2011,

We're only 4 days in and I feel utterly and completely exhausted, defeated, weary, and any other word I can't think of right now.

Please rectify things today...I can't do this anymore. We need good news for a change. It's been a rough road and both of us deserve a break.

Seriously.


----------



## Proner

Dear people next to me in the tram,

Please when you perfume yourself do "inside left wrist, inside right wrist and throat" not "throat, chest, chest, chest". You made people nest to you nearly faint because of the ammount of perfume.

"I want my nose to live" Proner


----------



## mimosa

Dear workers outside my door,

Thank you sooooo much for turning off my electricity! Now I can't make breakfast or not even a cup of coffee. I am worried about what you are doing. You screw up the last job and caused a fire. You better do a great job this time. Cause I am a annoyed hungry woman. 

Hungry Hungry big Mexican Woman


----------



## Famouslastwords

Proner said:


> Dear people next to me in the tram,
> 
> Please when you perfume yourself do "inside left wrist, inside right wrist and throat" not "throat, chest, chest, chest". You made people nest to you nearly faint because of the ammount of perfume.
> 
> "I want my nose to live" Proner



Proner,

As far as spraying it directly on you, you're not even supposed to do that, you're supposed to spray and step into the mist, leaving a much gentler scent.

Silly stinkbugs!

<3

FLW


----------



## penguin

Dear headache,

GTFO.

no love,

me.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Aunt,

I know you think you *meant *well but you did not really know my views on weight and diets etc. You and my Mom have spent your whole lives obsessing about weight and being thin and I almost bought into this lifelong quest with you both (not to mention, the number Mom did on me when I was growing up and not even fat at all), but thankfully I learned and grew and know better! I hope you took what I said well but understand that I do *not *appreciate you pushing that crap off on me and my sister (and don't think I didn't notice that you didn't send it to our *skinny *sister):doh: I am not ugly or bad or undesirable because I am fat!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you can free yourself from this obsession and just live your life accepting and loving the beautiful woman you already are (inside and out)! 


I love you *very *much,

Your CHUBBY Niece


----------



## mimosa

Dear God,

Is there a man out in the world that desires to be a friend and a lover with me??? When the time is right, can you please send him my way??? 


Thanks in advance, 

Mimi

PS: I was only kidding about the nun thing. Please forgive me.


Dear W, 

It made me laugh when you said that the only time men are not dogs is when they are dead. I think you might be right until proven otherwise. Thanks for the sparking pearl of wisdom. 

Mims


----------



## Victim

Trixie, thanks for FINALLY contacting someone. I'm still going to yell at you though. Don't do that again.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear "Cuz",

You know, usually when someone says "I'm going to try to lose weight" you typically should respond with either "Oh, why?" or "Good for you!" NOT "Good luck, you'll be so beautiful if you'd just drop even 50 pounds!" 

..Just....Just Fuck Off.

Sincerely,
Wanting to be Painfree


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Snow-
Today you are truly a beauty to behold. I am glad that I took the time to watch you for a few minutes. Your big fluffy slow-falling flakes changed my mood to the positive, but now that you've done your duty you can stop falling. There is plenty of you to admire on the ground. Thanks


----------



## AuntHen

Dear People That I Love In My Life,

Sigh. I need you to prove I mean something to you in your actual actions. What does it take for you to "stand up" for me. If you can't show me respect in your words and actions to others, then I am not so sure that you really understand or know how to love me. I am *far *from perfect but can't you just acknowledge that I am a part of your life to the people you interact with? What are you afraid of? That they will know? That their attention will change or go away? You mean so much to me, I just wish that I meant that much to you! My love is not a game and not to be toyed with. It really really hurts 

I'm gonna love you anyway, today and every day...


Sincerely,
B


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Ovaries, or Whatever Organ You Are,

Either stop your whining or simply explode. The choice is yours.

Yours,
Amy


----------



## Mishty

Dear Lee,

I enjoyed meeting you and showing you around the local scene! You are a real Southern gentleman! I was so sad to see you and your uncle leave at midnight, and I kinda got a tad bit blue that I didn't to spend more time with your flirty awesomeness! Then, fifteen minutes later you reappeared! Said you would stay till closing. :happy: I enjoyed sharing a cigar and a glass of lager with you, and I didn't even get antsy when you put your hand on the small of my back, it didn't feel wrong, and I didn't move away, not even when you stood behind my bar stool and talked into my ear. Even if you never come back to town like you promised, you made my night pretty g'damn incredible. The rockabilly band made me want to rumble and curse, maybe play some chicken, but the only rumble that almost happened was the weird redneck that got pissy with you. I know for a fact you could've taken care of it, but I didn't think you should have to on my turf. Plus, I kind of felt protective. :blush: 

Thanks bunches for making me giddy,

M

P.S. I still have your jacket, why do you smell like Burberry and vanilla. It's sinful.


----------



## BBW4Chattery

Dear Confusing Boy,

One day, you say I can look forward to spending next Christmas with your family.

The next day, you respond to my confession of like with, "thanks for the good words and kind sentiments."

Another day, you tell me you can't wait to sleep beside me.

On mo'again day, you say you'll call and you don't call, text, write, or send a pigeon with a note.

I feel like I'm trapped in an 80's movie. Grown-up geek-boy gets revenge on girl who didn't return his lovings over a dozen years ago by stringing her along after she finally falls in love with him...

You are the 1st person I've ever met who I like more with each new thing I learn about your life. You're the 1st person I've ever met who I am still excited to learn new things about after 14 years. I never thought THIS would happen to me. I gag @ romance.

Confusing boy, please, stop being confusing. Either love me or hate me but please, pick a team with a quickness, b/c it's basketball season and I don't have time to sort through these girly feelings 24/7.

Thanks,
ME


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Cold Weather,

Please Warm Up. Everytime I go outside I swear to god my ovaries shiver. 
I truly *TRULY* don't appreciate that. 


Sincerely,
Trapped-In-Wisconsin


----------



## Dromond

Dear CityVille,

DAMN YOU for being so addicting. DAMN YOU, I SAY!

Timewastingly yours,

Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Dro,


You've my sympathy. That's quite possibly one of the worst ones for 'sucking' you in. 


Sincerely,
Daughter of a Cityville/Farmville/Frontierville/Zoo World Addict.


----------



## cinnamitch

Dromond said:


> Dear CityVille,
> 
> DAMN YOU for being so addicting. DAMN YOU, I SAY!
> 
> Timewastingly yours,
> 
> Me



ahem switch and muttley too?!


----------



## Christov

Dear projectile vomiting bug;

I know you're intending to mess with my plans, but the joke is on you.

I *have* no plans. 

Brushing until I get rid of the taste,
Christov.


----------



## Dromond

cinnamitch said:


> ahem switch and muttley too?!



I'm lost! :really sad::really sad:


----------



## Mystic Rain

Dear Best Friend,

Either you get the help you need or quit dredging it back up and balking at every suggestion I make. I've listened to you and I've supported you, but I'm tired of trying when all we do is go in the same circles every time why you can't do this or that.

Tell everyone else to fuck off and live for yourself or continue to be overshadowed and controlled by what other people _might_ think. The choice is yours.

Sincerely,

Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Mark, 

I quite literally lost almost all respect I had for you tonight. How do you expect to be loved when you live a life of heartlessness? The way you put things today? I was completely disgusted. I don't know if I want to meet you anymore, I don't know if I could look you in the eyes and kiss you, knowing you don't feel ...well.. anything. 

Sincerely,
The girl who used to nearly worship you despite you being another important person in her life hating on her for her BIG. FAT. BEAUTIFUL FUCKING BODY. 


PS: I'm not bitter, I swear.


----------



## BCBeccabae

Dear brain,

you should not have went where your heart can't follow.
or maybe it's the other way around.

either way, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. 
I wish you would've listened to everyone around you. or maybe I don't. I don't know. I don't really know anything anymore.
if you could get yourself to stop playing this tug of war with yourself and my heart, that'd be cool.

you are waiting for something you're never going to get. 
you're asking questions there are probably no answers for.
you're hurting yourself over something that will never hurt over you.
you're torturing yourself, kid.

always yours,
self.
xoxo


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Winter,

You have never seemed so lovely to me before. I'm glad to be in this place 

Moi


----------



## Saoirse

dear #90

i think its fate baby.

love your biggest fan!


----------



## LisaInNC

Dear Heart, 

Listen to the head and stop doing whatever the hell you want.

Love, 
Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Creepy Asshole I _*completely*_ forgot was on my Facebook Friendslist,


For FUCKS Sake Dude, REALLY? :|

Next time I see you in real life, you'll be lucky if I don't cuss you out for being a MOTHER EFFING CREEPY EFFING PERSON. 

Tagging your tagging yourself as MY CLEAVAGE? 



Totally weirded out, 
Moi.


----------



## penguin

Your Plump Princess said:


> tagging yourself as MY CLEAVAGE?



That is quite creepy. From a close friend, not so bad, but other people? Yeah...no.


----------



## Famouslastwords

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Creepy Asshole I _*completely*_ forgot was on my Facebook Friendslist,
> 
> 
> For FUCKS Sake Dude, REALLY? :|
> 
> Next time I see you in real life, you'll be lucky if I don't cuss you out for being a MOTHER EFFING CREEPY EFFING PERSON.
> 
> Tagging your tagging yourself as MY CLEAVAGE?
> 
> 
> 
> Totally weirded out,
> Moi.



I dunno, I think that's funny. If someone did that to me...if I knew them IRL I'd laugh.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Famouslastwords said:


> I dunno, I think that's funny. If someone did that to me...if I knew them IRL I'd laugh.


He's kind of creepy in real life, too though. 

I used to get messages from him because he'd see me while I was at my friends place. [He now lives in the top half of a duplex, my friend lives on the bottom.] 

He's also really pushy. [A year or more ago we were talking about going out on a date, and he kept getting pushy / kind of mean about me not wanting to make out with him and being pushy about just 'being bf and gf' without even going on a date. I was like "Call me old fashioned, but uh, No, No, and No? Yeah... No! " ]


He never says Hi to me in real life and always canceled when I tried to make plans to hang out. Infact, the last time I actually -saw- him face to face was almost 6 years ago.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear You-
Thank you for renewing my faith in the male persuasion.
Me


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Missouri Department of Transportation:

You stink like a week-old diaper. The fact that over across the Mississippi IDOT was able to clean the roads so well you could eat off them just reinforces how monumentally you suck at plowing. I'd hire a fleet of Homer Simpson's Mr Plows who could get the job done better.


----------



## KnottyOne

Dear Drama, 

Leave me the hell alone. I thought I was done with you when I decided to finally pull my life together but you just keep showing up! Seriously, what is it I have to do to stop having it follow me. It seems no matter what I do it still shows up. So I'm just done with this situation, I wash my hands of it.

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Decisions,

Please make yourselves. I don't know what to dooooo!

Argh.


----------



## bmann0413

Dear 2011,

You haven't been off to a good start. Yes, I did get my financial aid and I might be graduating this year and I'm glad, but all the OTHER things that happened are pretty bad. Getting written up at work, my folks having the BIGGEST fight in my family's history... you're not holding up your end of the bargain. I'm doing my best to make this year awesomesauce, so HELP ME OUT HERE, DAMN IT!

- Lloyd


----------



## Mishty

Dear Tall Drink of Water,

It didn't make me weird to search the email you emailed me from and find your Facebook and Twitter, I was just curious really, didn't mean anything. We do have a lot in common, I would love to go on a buffet voyage with you, but I only have one question. Is your teeny tiny fiancee Rachel going to be coming along?

Signed,
Not really surprised at all.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Life,

This week you have been pretty awesome. Yes, there were a couple bumps in the road but overall i'm pretty happy with how you have been behaving. Friends, Fun and Flirting...not to forget all the laughing and being silly. Plus you have been keeping me busy and my mind active which i appreciate as well. I was really concerned about boredom because i'm not able to go out as much and do stuff, but you have really come through for me lately. I appreciate that and i hope that you will continue to make me happy 

Me


----------



## mimosa

Dear B,

Jimmy crack Corn and I don't care, mother f$&@er. Go f$&@ yourself, you son of a b$&@#. You will never know what true love is. I hope your b&[email protected]$ steals all of your money. F&[email protected] you! 

And now to our regular programing...
M

Yeah, Mimosa gets angry at a**holes too. ;-)


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Mimosa,

........................


Speechlessly Yours,
Mee~


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear "friend" who found me on Facebook-

How nice that you found me. How nice that you asked for an add. Its been years! So many years in fact, that you completely forgot that you ditched me and gave me the brush-off every time that I called you or messaged you when you were on line. We worked together for 8 years and you lead me to believe that we were the best of friends, but when I left that job you didn't want anything to do with me. I made many attempts to do things with you, I called, messaged, invited you over, invited you out to lunch, invited you to go on vacation with me. I made the attempt to maintain a friendship and was ignored and given the brush-off. NOW...you tell me that all this time (10 years later) you've been friends with someone else that we worked with and even went on vacation with her. Wasn't that the same person that you told me was "pathetic" and you didn't really like? Now you want to be friends? It makes me wonder what in your life has changed that you want to be friends with someone that you didn't want to maintain a friendship in the past with. Curious.
You did write me a nice opening message on FB, but I am not sure I want to open my life up to someone who could so easily toss me aside all those years ago. I'll have to think about it for while. 
Terri


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear BF,

Glad the weekend with you turned out nice 

Moi


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Tuesday Plans,

You'd Better Fucking Work.


Sincerely,
Me.


----------



## KnottyOne

Dear... Well I don't even know what we are right now,

Grow the hell up, I am so over this high school drama and this princess attitude that you throw in every direction. Yea, this fight was mine but it seems that no matter what happens it is always MY fault, you take no responsibility in this at all. A relationship take 2 people to make it work, right now I seem to be the only one putting for the effort and it's really taking a toll.

Guessing I'm your ex now 
-eric


----------



## Gingembre

KnottyOne said:


> Dear... Well I don't even know what we are right now,
> 
> Grow the hell up, I am so over this high school drama and this princess attitude that you throw in every direction. Yea, this fight was mine but it seems that no matter what happens it is always MY fault, you take no responsibility in this at all. A relationship take 2 people to make it work, right now I seem to be the only one putting for the effort and it's really taking a toll.
> 
> Guessing I'm your ex now
> -eric



Hey kiddo,
Sorry to read this - I hope things work out for the best. Let me know if you ever want a chat - I have a new laptop so I can successfully run skype these days! 
Take care of yourself, yankee. L x


----------



## Gingembre

Dear body,
I am trying to do right by you and have started taking proper care of you again. But why must you expel all your toxins through my FACE?! Seriously, I've got more spots now than I had when I went through puberty. I am not a fan of this look. Detox quickly please and let's have the clear, if a little blotchy, skin back. 
Feeling ugly,
Me x


----------



## mimosa

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Mimosa,
> 
> ........................
> 
> 
> Speechlessly Yours,
> Mee~



Dearest YPP, 

I am sorry you had to read that, dear. I could not tell B off like that in real life.. It would not be polite. lol. But that dude really hurt me and broke my heart. I had to vent somehow....I am sorry your pretty eyes had to see that. Much love to ya. 

Hugs, Mimosa


----------



## Your Plump Princess

mimosa said:


> Dearest YPP,
> 
> I am sorry you had to read that, dear. I could not tell B off like that in real life.. It would not be polite. lol. But that dude really hurt me and broke my heart. I had to vent somehow....I am sorry your pretty eyes had to see that. Much love to ya.
> 
> Hugs, Mimosa


Dearest Mimosa,

I completely understand, was just shocked to see you go off like that! Teehee. 
..Yes. TEEHEE! 

Lots of Hugs and Cuddle-Bugs,
Moi.


----------



## mimosa

To whom it may concern,

If you do not want to talk to me, then just say so. I will will leave you alone. It's no big deal, really. Just be a man and say it. 

See ya, 

M


----------



## Bigtigmom

Dear "G",

Seriously? You know everything I've been through so far along with my every thought, feeling, desire, triumph, disappointment, faults, flaws, attributes, characteristics, qualities and mannerisms. So, WHY? 

Hurting Again,
Karen


----------



## CastingPearls

mimosa said:


> To whom it may concern,
> 
> If you do not want to talk to me, then just say so. I will will leave you alone. It's no big deal, really. Just be a man and say it.
> 
> See ya,
> 
> M


Oh hey, ditto for me too.


----------



## Bigtigmom

CastingPearls said:


> Oh hey, ditto for me too.



You may be better off that way!! Some people just aren't worth the effort.


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear previous co-worker,

I am sorry to hear that shit over there hasn't changed one bit. Your texts to me were saddening in that you aren't getting any help with your workload, in the same way I didn't. My only advice to you is to get the hell out of there before it sucks the life out of you as it did me. They are 'old school' and are not going to change, apparently. 

Signed,
A much happer me, with much less pay


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear you, 

I love you with all of my heart, and want to make your life better. But you make it SO hard to enjoy your company and want to be around you. Admitting this, even just here on an anonymous forum, makes me incredibly sad. It's not supposed to be this way. But you're so needy and broken that being with you is emotionally draining and depressing, and given my current state of mind, the exact opposite of what I need. I feel so selfish saying that, because I know you have no one else, but there are times when I'm with you that I feel like I'm going to explode from frustration and impatience and just general exasperation. I hope we can fix you. I want to help you find a better path for your life. But you have to understand that I'm not in a great place myself, so helping you is extremely trying for me at times, and I can't keep it from showing in my tone of voice and behavior. 

Please try to keep these things in mind:

a) Everyone isn't out to hurt your feelings. People just have lives, and part of those lives don't involve you. If you want to be part of their lives, do things that put you there. Stop waiting for them to come to you, and stop expecting them to cater to your needs. 
b) I'm NOT you. Yes, we're very similar, but the choices I made/make in my life are what's best for me. Not you. ME. NOT YOU. You don't get to tell me what I'm going to do in my life. Advice is welcome, but then back off and stop poo-pooing every choice I make for myself. I'm wired very different from you - almost completely opposite in some aspects - so of course what rocks my boat isn't going to do the same for you. The sooner you accept that and stop being all hurt because I don't aspire to your goals for me, the happier we'll both be. 
c) Everything is not your business. Stop trying to make it be and ending up assuming things and making up stories in your head. Start trying to live your own life instead of living vicariously through others. 
d) I can help you find solutions to what ails you physically and spiritually, but you are the only one who can make the changes needed to put you in a happier place. 
e) The reason people don't like being around you is because you *always* have an "issue" - something that concerns you or makes you sad , and you cry at the drop of a hat, lamenting how your life hasn't turned out the way you envisioned it...yet you lie in bed 22 hours of the day and do NOTHING. Nada. Zilc. NOTHING to try to improve your situation. You're not dead yet - find ways of enjoying the life you have left and stop wallowing. You're the only one who can make it better. I am here to support you, but you have to make the changes. 

Love, 

Me


----------



## mimosa

Dear dude,

All I have to say is....You have been blocked! Yay! :-D Have a nice life. 


Love, 

M

Dear online friends, 

Let's stop wasting precious time with complete losers...in other words, join me in a block party! 

Party on, 

Mimosa


----------



## Surlysomething

mimosa said:


> Dear dude,
> 
> All I have to say is....You have been blocked! Yay! :-D Have a nice life.
> 
> 
> Love,
> 
> M
> 
> Dear online friends,
> 
> Let's stop wasting precious time with complete losers...in other words, join me in a block party!
> 
> Party on,
> 
> Mimosa


 

I think when you stop using the internet as your dating pool you'll be a lot happier.

:bow:


----------



## MisticalMisty

Surlysomething said:


> I think when you stop using the internet as your dating pool you'll be a lot happier.
> 
> :bow:



Not necessarily...I met my hubby in the Dims chat room and had several loving and meaningful relationships with men I had met online.


----------



## penguin

Dear cramps,

GTFO.

No love,

me.

I could really do with a back massage. Ugh.


----------



## AuntHen

penguin said:


> Dear cramps,
> 
> GTFO.
> 
> No love,
> 
> me.
> 
> I could really do with a back massage. Ugh.



Dear Penguin,

I feel your pain. Day 1 today 

Me


Dear (no you really aren't dear) certain type males I have dealt with all my life here in the USA,

No! Just because I am tall and big boned (yes big boned even aside from my chub) does not mean I am mean or like to physically fight. I am actually quite submissive and a wimp. My upper body is actually very weak (arms, wrists) I have never even been in a fight or hit anyone! Why do you assume this??!! I don't even like verbal confrontations. Just because I am not tiny and giggly-flirty does not mean I am some Brunehilda who likes to punch people. WHY do you always ASSUME this? Most women know I am wimp right away but you... and I only find it here and guess what? I am actually very sensitive and cry A LOT (just like other girls) Quit stereotyping me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Tired of being misjudged before you even know me,

The TALL girl!

ps- and it's something about the US or N. America because I know/have known a lot of other men from other countries and have been to other countries but only YOU guys do it/have done it to me!


----------



## mimosa

Surlysomething said:


> I think when you stop using the internet as your dating pool you'll be a lot happier.
> 
> :bow:



It's also wise to do not to judge people before You get to know them. You don't even talk to me. So how can you know that I am even dating anyone??? Have you even once tried to have a friendly chat with me??? The answer is no. I would be a lot happier if people like you would not assume things and just tried to get to know me. You would find out that I am a friendly person that enjoys meaningful conversation with nice people of all races and cultures. I think you would be surprised who I really am as a person.


----------



## Lovelyone

mimosa said:


> Dear dude,
> 
> All I have to say is....You have been blocked! Yay! :-D Have a nice life.
> 
> 
> Love,
> 
> M
> 
> Dear online friends,
> 
> Let's stop wasting precious time with complete losers...in other words, join me in a block party!
> 
> Party on,
> 
> Mimosa


 
Dearest Mimosa-
I am so sorry that you have had to deal with someone that causes you angst. I've had my fair share of online losers too, but I am here to testify that there truly are some wonderful men on line who are worth the time to get to know. I've heard it said that when God closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe we just have to not be afraid to look out that window and see who might be standing there waiting for us to notice them.  I wish you luck in your search and kudos for letting go of someone who obviously doesn't deserve to know what a wonderful person you are. 

Dear A-
I had a wonderfully awkward, sweet and fun, interesting, humiliatingly eye-opening experience. Can we do it again tomorrow? 
Terri


----------



## CastingPearls

No matter what, I still believe there are good men everywhere, and that includes online.


----------



## AuntHen

CastingPearls said:


> No matter what, I still believe there are good men everywhere, and that includes online.




totally agree


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

CastingPearls said:


> No matter what, I still believe there are good men everywhere, *and that includes online*.



Agree x alot!! :wubu: I'd rep you if I could


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear friend,

Am I allowed to have a bad day without you telling me how much more your life sucks? Is your pain more real than mine? Can I say anything without you publicly stating how you wish you were me because I don't have 'real' problems..problems you think you got problems...I'll show you problems....stop.... just....stop.

Friendship shouldn't have to be a pissing contest.

Signed,
Me




Dim sum,

I used to love you but you threw that away. I can't. I just can't. Please. I'm not that strong. I'm not made of stone.

Love, 
Angel


----------



## Surlysomething

mimosa said:


> It's also wise to do not to judge people before You get to know them. You don't even talk to me. So how can you know that I am even dating anyone??? Have you even once tried to have a friendly chat with me??? The answer is no. I would be a lot happier if people like you would not assume things and just tried to get to know me. You would find out that I am a friendly person that enjoys meaningful conversation with nice people of all races and cultures. I think you would be surprised who I really am as a person.




I'm only going by the way you represent yourself on here as it's the only thing I _can_ go by.

If you want to air your love life on a public forum, you have to take your lumps, right? I wasn't even saying it in a mean way. Go figure that you took it that way. I've had my share of craziness with dating so I didn't count myself out.


----------



## mimosa

Lovelyone said:


> Dearest Mimosa-
> I am so sorry that you have had to deal with someone that causes you angst. I've had my fair share of online losers too, but I am here to testify that there truly are some wonderful men on line who are worth the time to get to know. I've heard it said that when God closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe we just have to not be afraid to look out that window and see who might be standing there waiting for us to notice them.  I wish you luck in your search and kudos for letting go of someone who obviously doesn't deserve to know what a wonderful person you are.



Dear Miss Terry

Blessings to you, dear. 

Thank you very much for your kindness. Yes, there are some wonderful people out there. I just decided not to suffer fools lol. There is someone where I live that I am developing a friendship with at the moment. My life only has room for people who desire true friendship and NO funny business. God bless you. Thanks again for your encouragement. 

BIG Hugs, 

Mimi


----------



## mimosa

Surlysomething said:


> I'm only going by the way you represent yourself on here as it's the only thing I _can_ go by.
> 
> If you want to air your love life on a public forum, you have to take your lumps, right? I wasn't even saying it in a mean way. Go figure that you took it that way. I've had my share of craziness with dating so I didn't count myself out.



Yup, darling..well you should ASK me! Don't you talk to people here?? 

I am guessing you do..!:doh:

I am just trying not to talk to people that do not desire friendship with me. It's just that simple. So...to answer your earlier question...no, I am not dating or am I seeking anyone to date. I am just trying to take care of my health and my son.  One day, If I meet someone...that can be my friend first....then maybe we'll see...


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

CastingPearls said:


> No matter what, I still believe there are good men everywhere, and that includes online.



Yep, I totally agree.


----------



## Surlysomething

mimosa said:


> Yup, darling..well you should ASK me! Don't you talk to people here??
> 
> I am guessing you do..!:doh:
> 
> I am just trying not to talk to people that do not desire friendship with me. It's just that simple. So...to answer your earlier question...no, I am not dating or am I seeking anyone to date. I am just trying to take care of my health and my son.  One day, If I meet someone...that can be my friend first....then maybe we'll see...



I never asked you who you're dating, flirting with, emailing, or texting. I could care less. But you talk about these "relationships" on here all the time. If you do so people will have opinions. I don't need to ask you anything.

It was a suggestion, and a harmless one at that. Taking it so personally and as some sort of attack is all in YOUR head. In the past I have posted comments on wishing your son and you well as i'm aware of his health issues so please don't paint me into a corner.

Look at the comment under your avatar. You KNOW the kind of people are going to talk to you. C'mon. You're a grown woman. Haha.


----------



## mimosa

Surlysomething said:


> I never asked you who you're dating, flirting with, emailing, or texting. I could care less. But you talk about these "relationships" on here all the time. If you do so people will have opinions. I don't need to ask you anything.
> 
> It was a suggestion, and a harmless one at that. Taking it so personally and as some sort of attack is all in YOUR head. In the past I have posted comments on wishing your son and you well as i'm aware of his health issues so please don't paint me into a corner.
> 
> Look at the comment under your avatar. You KNOW the kind of people are going to talk to you. C'mon. You're a grown woman. Haha.



Assuming again....:doh: LOL Oh dear....hahahaha You won't know until you get to know me.....simple as that darling. Notice I am not saying anything about you....that's because I don't even know your first name!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone please help her understand this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## CastingPearls

Hey ladies, I like both of you a lot, but can you take the rest of the conversation to PMs maybe?


----------



## Surlysomething

CastingPearls said:


> Hey ladies, I like both of you a lot, but can you take the rest of the conversation to PMs maybe?




Really? Man. This place cracks my shit up.


----------



## Surlysomething

mimosa said:


> Assuming again....:doh: LOL Oh dear....hahahaha You won't know until you get to know me.....simple as that darling.




I'm done. All of a sudden I find you very painful. Darling. 



And....i'm out.


----------



## mimosa

Surlysomething said:


> I'm done. All of a sudden I find you very painful. Darling.
> 
> 
> 
> And....i'm out.




I am sure a lot of people think the same about you. Yes, I am assuming Haha.... First one out loses. hahahaha Yes, you will be blocked too!


----------



## Surlysomething

Holy crap. The immaturity is mind-boggling on this site.

You can't have any conversation without it being taken to a grade school level. Unbelievable.


----------



## mimosa

Dear friends, 

I just tried the ignore button for the first time since 2007. It is delightful. Blessings to everyone. 

Love, 

Mimosa


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Dims,

Call the _waaaaaambulance _quick!

Yours,
Lame-O.


----------



## HottiMegan

CastingPearls said:


> No matter what, I still believe there are good men everywhere, and that includes online.



I agree. I have met some great friends (men) online. I also met my husband online way back in 1996 when i was still in high school


----------



## Lovelyone

HottiMegan said:


> I agree. I have met some great friends (men) online. I also met my husband online way back in 1996 when i was still in high school


 
I've just realized how badly I need glasses when I read this as "I also met my husband online way back in 1906..." 

Yeah...im old. *Sigh


----------



## Dromond

AmazingAmy said:


> Dear Dims,
> 
> Call the _waaaaaambulance _quick!
> 
> Yours,
> Lame-O.



I hear the siren.

WAAAAAAH!

WAAAAAAH!

WAAAAAAH!


----------



## HottiMegan

Lovelyone said:


> I've just realized how badly I need glasses when I read this as "I also met my husband online way back in 1906..."
> 
> Yeah...im old. *Sigh



ha ha ha. I had no idea the internet was around a century ago 
I sometimes need glasses for numbers since fonts make them all so similar


----------



## snuggletiger

I know what you mean I have some books the print is so small I have to put on glasses to read them now.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear "Giggles",

You and I have been super close friends since middle school, your like.. my sister. So please don't pressure me anymore, alright? "Shy" doesn't even begin to cover what I am. 

Your Sworn Friend Forever,
Death Cow.


----------



## mimosa

Dear God, 

I remain thankful in good and bad times. I trust in you because you know what you are doing. Please continue working inside of me. I see you building my strength up a little everyday. Thank you for having a plan for my life. Thank you for taking away certain things and people from my life. I can see a rainbow in my view now. There is a long journey ahead of me. It's good because I can stop and smell the scent of sweet scarlet roses.

Under your wings and Devine love,

Mimosa


----------



## Ruffie

Dear Game players

Seriously how do you look yourself in the mirror everyday? I cannot fathom how you scheme and plot to hurt other people just to gain what you want and can go about your life as if you did nothing. You just devastated my friend who was there for you though some seriously difficult times, backed you up, gave you her guidance, friendship and love and you stabbed her in the back. She went to the mat for you and even when I warned her that I had experienced a few things with you that should give her pause she defended you citing recent events in your life that could have caused you to act in such a manner. Hope you enjoy your status and time with your new cohorts cause somewhere down the line you will be the victim of their antics as well and you will deserve that Karma. I wish I could say this to your face, but alas it may cause more pain for my friend so I write it here.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Daddy,

Your. Are. Fucking. Amazing.


Love,
Moi.


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear church down the street,
I am not Christian and don't want to adopt your view point. So stop coming all the time to my doorstep. It makes me hesitant to open my door anymore. Leave me to my religious choice and i will leave you to yours and we can all be happy in our own dogma.

thanks,
Sick of people trying to "save" me.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

HottiMegan said:


> Dear church down the street,
> I am not Christian and don't want to adopt your view point. So stop coming all the time to my doorstep. It makes me hesitant to open my door anymore. Leave me to my religious choice and i will leave you to yours and we can all be happy in our own dogma.
> 
> thanks,
> Sick of people trying to "save" me.



Tell them you worship Satan and ask them to stand in a chalk pentagram on your floor. That should get rid of them.


----------



## Ruffie

HottiMegan said:


> Dear church down the street,
> I am not Christian and don't want to adopt your view point. So stop coming all the time to my doorstep. It makes me hesitant to open my door anymore. Leave me to my religious choice and i will leave you to yours and we can all be happy in our own dogma.
> 
> thanks,
> Sick of people trying to "save" me.



My adopted daughter in law got fed up with the JW's coming to her door and they live on 5 acres in the country to boot, so she took them in to the house and showed them her altar. They are wiccan's and she was trying to explain what they believe in as they wanted to discuss faith and so Sarah obliged. THe JW's of course felt that was devil worship and booked it out of there in a hurry. To add insult to injury their male dog peed one on of the visitors legs LOL. They haven't been back!


----------



## SuperMishe

Dear next door neighbors...

Are you f*cking kidding me?? It is after 10pm. It is about 10 degrees out, so all windows are closed. HOW is it possible that I can hear EVERY SINGLE WORD and certainly every beat of the bass of that music you are playing. There are four driveway widths between us, it's not as if we share a wall. I can't even turn my tv on because I would have to turn the volume up to a ridiculous level to drown out the rap and salsa. If it's not off or turned down by 11, I'm gonna have to call the police... ridiculous!

Sincerely,
your pissed off neighbor


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Nutty Neighbor:

Yes, I realize that you and your wife had kids early, and are living the high life 40 years later in your solid brick home, with the white Caddy and white Corvette (matching the one your younger brother has down the street) in the garage. I've tolerated the way you cut your grass in business casual Polo shirts and khaki pants, the way your keep your garage floor so clean you can perform an appendectomy on it, and the way your wife puts on her garden clogs and hat to prune the one living green thing that adorns the outside of your home (the rest of your landscape being all rock). I tolerate the way you say hello in that conniving, southern used car salesman accent that implies you wouldn't donate blood to your wife without asking for a kickback from the hospital. You're wealthy and you're weird as fuck because you can _afford_ to be.

But goddammit, man: When the snow is pouring down like a white curtain at 4:30am, why the fuck do you feel it's necessary to get out the snowblower? There were 4 inches on the ground, and another SIX coming the rest of the following day. Your 30 minutes of wake-everyone-the-fuck-up-early did piss-all to keep your driveway clean. If you want to keep everyone on military schedules, that's fine. I know a base just 20 miles away and two warfronts halfway around the world that'd love to have you around.

Sincerely,

The guy who doesn't blow snow before it's time


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Friend,

I'm so glad that we talked, and that you didn't flirt with him or _anything_ today. Yesterday you made me feel like crap, but today, being able to capture his attention, it really made me feel ontop of the world. It was.. amazing. I hope you keep it up, because I'd hate to start looking at you as the slut you kind-of-actually-are. 

Kbai,
Death-Cow. 



*~* 



Dear Amazing Gallagher,
What you did for me, talking to your manager, getting me in.. you don't know how much that means to me, you don't know how happy you made me. Honestly, nothing I can think of can top the joy you brought to me by letting me come see you LIVE! I know I said thanks already, but really-- From the bottom of my heart, Thank you! 

Your Fan,
Megan.


----------



## Mathias

HottiMegan said:


> Dear church down the street,
> I am not Christian and don't want to adopt your view point. So stop coming all the time to my doorstep. It makes me hesitant to open my door anymore. Leave me to my religious choice and i will leave you to yours and we can all be happy in our own dogma.
> 
> thanks,
> Sick of people trying to "save" me.



Dear Megan,

Fill water balloons and use them the next time they come. You don't necessarily need to use just water either. Shaving cream, soda, hot sauce, get creative!



-Matt


----------



## Christov

Dear people whom I rented a room from,

Despite not asking me to return my key (which you should have done), I came by anyway to move the last of my stuff out because of the impending new tenant (who you only decided to tell me about yesterday afternoon). 

It was 9:30 when I came to drop the key off.

Your office was closed. It opens at 9.

You done goofed,
Christov.


----------



## Blackjack

Christov said:


> Dear people whom I rented a room from,
> 
> ...
> 
> You done goofed,
> Christov.



The consequences here will never be the same.


----------



## CastingPearls

Hey 'sis',

Yeah, I get it. 'Not perfect, just forgiven'--hey I'm one too only I don't use my spirituality as an excuse to justify my bad decisions and poor choices. I own up to my own behavior. You should try it sometime and let me know how it's working for you, but doubtful cos some people never change especially when they can use their religiosity as a shield AND weapon. No Weapons Formed Against Us Will Prosper? What about the one's you devise yourself? By the way, it's not an invisibility cloak--I can see what you're doing and so can everyone else. 

Signed,
Maybe Not a Good Example But Not the Most Horrible Warning Either.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Mom,

I try to stay positive about the Bacon situation, because otherwise I end up a depressed slump of sobbing despair, drenched with loneliness. 

Please stop telling me to give up, That I can't win him, and that it's stupid. 

Love,
Megs.


----------



## Lovelyone

T-
I love you and I am trying to see your side in things but... 
you seriously need to get your child into a mental health care facility. This constant yelling, threats, antagonistic behavior, use of curse words, abuse of her sister (and others), physical outbursts in school where she throws things and harms other children, punching holes in walls when she's angry, destroying other people's property...they are all signs of instability. We are tired of having to walk on eggshells around her so that she doesn't get "disturbed". The child is 12...give her a chance. Get her the help she needs before she turns into the next child who we see on the news who killed someone. Give her the opportunity to get the help that is required for her to become a productive member of society. 
People have been telling you for YEARS that this child needs mental help, but you do not listen. You think that mommy knows best. The truth is...that you don't know. You may love her best, you may know how she acts best...but its plain and obvious that you do not know what is best FOR her. The schools are TRYING to help you. They are trying to accommodate a child who needs to be in an institution rather than school. You fight them constantly...what good is that doing? You NEVER win the argument. They always win. Why don't you LISTEN to the scholars, doctors and specialists? They are trained in these things. They know what to do with children like her. They know how to help her. Why do you not want this for your child? 
I have an idea that you WANT her to have to rely on you. I worry that YOU , yourself might have Münchhausen by proxy....because what mother would keep her child...uneducated? What mother would not want her child to succeed? I think this is sad. I was dumbfounded when you said "I know that she will be living with us for the rest of her life because she's just not ever going to learn how to do things on her own. I will be taking care of her for the rest of her life." Your daughter is NOT mentally retarded, she is not disabled. She is a clever, smart, intelligent girl who was unlucky enough to be born with mild autism. Her doctors even say that she can live a normal healthy life...but you, you want to disregard them...cos MOMMY KNOWS BEST. You have babied her to the point of laziness. She does nothing but eat, sleep and get on the computer. She barely goes to school,gets ANYTHING she wants, and is NEVER encouraged to seek out any other hobbies or activities that would benefit her both emotionally and physically. She is 180 lb. 12 year old...do you not see a problem with that? Do you not see the problem with her going to school for 2 hours, coming home and falling asleep until 6pm...and then getting on the computer until 2 or 3 am? You keep telling the people at school that she "needs a routine, needs for things not to be disrupted"--well, what kind of routine are you giving her at home? How can you preach to the schools and not do the same thing for her at home?
I am not a mother but if I were, I would want my child to have all the necessary skills that it takes to get on in the world. knowing that I would not be around forever--I would want to teach her how to rely on herself, be a good citizen of Earth, treat others with kindness, and I would try to see to it that she had all the life skills that a child needs to be on her own. Your daughter at 12 y/o didn't even know how to bathe herself, wash her hair, or tie her own shoes until a few months ago. She still can't wash/brush her own hair or pick out clothing to wear on her own. I find it disturbing and truly you are hindering her from becoming the best person she can be by not showing her these things.
Sign me, 
Tired of walking on eggshells and ready to make the appropriate phone calls if you won't.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Nickelodeon:

While I realize your teen singing star-type shows entertain my 4-year-old immensely, there's something unsettling about the insertion of obvious foot fetish subplots into the storyline. 

Love and kisses (without slipping the tongue--it's TV-G after all),

A.S.


----------



## mimosa

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Nickelodeon:
> 
> While I realize your teen singing star-type shows entertain my 4-year-old immensely, there's something unsettling about the insertion of obvious foot fetish subplots into the storyline.
> 
> Love and kisses (without slipping the tongue--it's TV-G after all),
> 
> A.S.


I totally agree. There are some things that are questionable in Nick shows.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear weekend, please be over quickly. 
Thanks
Terri


----------



## Dromond

Dear Weather,

Are you kidding me? 8 - 12 inches of snow come Tuesday?! What am I, back in Illinois? What the hell happened to the sunny south?

Disgustedly,

Me


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dromond said:


> Dear Weather,
> 
> Are you kidding me? 8 - 12 inches of snow come Tuesday?! What am I, back in Illinois? What the hell happened to the sunny south?
> 
> Disgustedly,
> 
> Me



We had the biggest 24 hour snowfall in Saint Louis since 1973 last week, with more snow on the way...trust me, it's sucking all over.


----------



## Famouslastwords

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> We had the biggest 24 hour snowfall in Saint Louis since 1973 last week, with more snow on the way...trust me, it's sucking all over.



Dear Dromond and Snackbar,

How come I move to a state that can I can actually expect snow in, and we're having a drought, just like in California...and I'm not getting barely any snow. STOP HOGGING THE DAMN SNOW. Shit. Elaine and Cinnabitch are hogging the snow too. I'm sick of it. SHARE PEOPLE!!! SHARE!!!!!!

Signed,

Just moved to the midwest


----------



## cinnamitch

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear Dromond and Snackbar,
> 
> How come I move to a state that can I can actually expect snow in, and we're having a drought, just like in California...and I'm not getting barely any snow. STOP HOGGING THE DAMN SNOW. Shit. Elaine and Cinnabitch are hogging the snow too. I'm sick of it. SHARE PEOPLE!!! SHARE!!!!!!
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Just moved to the midwest



I would gladly give you every last cotton picking bit of snow i have. We have had snow on the ground CONSTANTLY since the end of November. It is now close to the end of January. Oh and we are expecting snow tomorrow night i believe. I HATE WINTER IN MINNESOTA


----------



## cinnamitch

i can't post correctly it seems


----------



## CastingPearls

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear Dromond and Snackbar,
> 
> How come I move to a state that can I can actually expect snow in, and we're having a drought, just like in California...and I'm not getting barely any snow. STOP HOGGING THE DAMN SNOW. Shit. Elaine and Cinnabitch are hogging the snow too. I'm sick of it. SHARE PEOPLE!!! SHARE!!!!!!
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Just moved to the midwest


Dear Rache,

COME AND GET IT. I'M DONE. *iz ded*

31" predicted for Wednesday. THIRTY ONE? Not 30 or 35....31? WTF?

Signed,
Lainey


----------



## CAMellie

Dear homework,

Please do yourself today. I'm tired and don't wanna do you.

Kthnx


----------



## penguin

CAMellie said:


> Dear homework,
> 
> Please do yourself today. I'm tired and don't wanna do you.
> 
> Kthnx



This, but to my housework.


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

CAMellie said:


> Dear homework,
> 
> *Please do yourself today. I'm tired and don't wanna do you*.
> 
> Kthnx



that's what she said . . . heeheeheehee 

High Five, ME!!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Self,

You swore to me, if the Packers won, you'd kiss him. Now man up and do it next time y'all hang out! Shit, at least do SOMETHING to dispell the 'just friends' vibe your shyness comes off as! 

Sincerely,
You.

PS: Stop worrying, and don't listen to your mom. Trying to win his heart can't hurt if you don't expect it to happen, right? At least, won't hurt much? Also, stop over-thinking and just.. go with your gut instinct!


----------



## Proner

Dear Facial hair,

Thanks for protecting my face from the insane cold we have outside here, I promised to not cut you until weather stop making Bordeaux a toundra.

Beardy Proner


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear "Friend",

I can't fucking deal with you anymore.
I feel like our whole "Friendship" has been the same for the past 4 years that I've known you. I've tried numerous times to offer advice, to be there for you even at 3 am nights when you'd freak out. but I just... I Can't DO it anymore. You don't LISTEN to me, and It's obvious you don't want help. So you know what? Whatever. Kill yourself, or don't. Good luck either way.

So long and thanks, (for all the fish.)
Me.


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Mother,

Don't talk about what you don't understand.

Ready to move out,
Amy


----------



## Bigtigmom

Dear F.P.,

Please don't let me down and make me regret my actions. I deserve better than this. I'll hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

Yours truly,
R.F.P.


----------



## mimosa

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear Dromond and Snackbar,
> 
> How come I move to a state that can I can actually expect snow in, and we're having a drought, just like in California...and I'm not getting barely any snow. STOP HOGGING THE DAMN SNOW. Shit. Elaine and Cinnabitch are hogging the snow too. I'm sick of it. SHARE PEOPLE!!! SHARE!!!!!!
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Just moved to the midwest



Dear FLW,

When I moved to this side the Rockies in late 2006, we had two blizzards. So you can have allllllll of MY snow if ya like. We are expecting snow today! Wanna come over for some hot chocolate? I'll introduce you to Jack Frost. I hear he's a cool dude. 
Hugs from the snowy Rockies,
Mimosa


----------



## CAMellie

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> that's what she said . . . heeheeheehee
> 
> High Five, ME!!



*snickersnort*


----------



## samuraiscott

Dear Brothers and Sisters:

Time is not on your side. Our Mom will not be here forever, and her health as you all know is not as good as it could be. Get your heads out of your asses and spend some time with her before she leaves this world for a better one and is in Heaven with Dad. Damn you all for being so selfish with your time that Mom does not hear from you sometimes for weeks. I understand you all have your own families to worry about but you only have one Mom. She's not been perfect; there are times when I have been hurt by her or felt like she could have been a better Mother. She definitely has her faults. That being said, she loves all 7 of us and she gave us all the best she had. Don't be hundreds of miles away or so embroiled in your own lives/bullshit that you miss out on the important things and times that she can still be around for. You are breaking her heart, although she will never say so. You're breaking mine and there will be holy hell to pay for that.

Sad,

Me


----------



## Famouslastwords

mimosa said:


> Dear FLW,
> 
> When I moved to this side the Rockies in late 2006, we had two blizzards. So you can have allllllll of MY snow if ya like. We are expecting snow today! Wanna come over for some hot chocolate? I'll introduce you to Jack Frost. I hear he's a cool dude.
> Hugs from the snowy Rockies,
> Mimosa



Sure! Can my kitty have a mini-marshmallow? He loves them.


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear guy,

If you don't pull the trigger soon you're going to have to find yourself another target.

Impatiently,
mcbeth


.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear Job Fairy,

My husband needs one..k? 

Thanks


Dear House Fairy,

We want one..k?

Thanks


Dear Money Fairy,

We need some...k?

Thanks


----------



## Famouslastwords

MisticalMisty said:


> Dear Job Fairy,
> 
> My husband needs one..k?
> 
> Thanks
> 
> 
> Dear House Fairy,
> 
> We want one..k?
> 
> Thanks
> 
> 
> Dear Money Fairy,
> 
> We need some...k?
> 
> Thanks



Dear Job Fairy,

While you're at it, my bf needs a job too.

Thanks,

Dear House Fairy,

Me too!

Thanks,

Dear Money Fairy,

Ditto!

Thanks,

Signed, 

Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Gal- thanks for the sincere compliment, it literally turned my day around. I hope to do the same in return for you someday.


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Sister's Boyfriend,

I gave you those pictures I took of your son so you could make another 'I Love You Mummy' video for my sister. I don't mind that you decided to put them on a Facebook album because, hey, he's your son, but you could have at least bothered to take out the ones that are of me and my parents and nothing to do with your kid. Also, did you even look at them all properly? I accidentally made copies of some photos on the memory stick, and now it's bugging me to death that there are repeats in that Facebook album. I HATE SEEING THAT.

Still annoyed that you broke the camera that took all those beautiful pictures,
Your girlfriend's sister.


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear fellow library patrons,

The following foods are not to be eaten in a silent, study room in a grad school library: apples, carrots, pretzels, crunchy granola bars, and really anything else that is going to piss me off as you make all kinds of crunching noises while sitting behind me.

Go outside, eat your damn snack, and then come back in and STFU.

Thanks for your attention in this matter.

mcbeth.


----------



## JoyJoy

Hey umm...you, 

I guarantee he's not going to be impressed just because you get all gung-ho and jump ahead to do what he just asked me to do, before I get a chance to do it. If you know he's talking to me about it, instead of chancing us both doing something that only needs to be done once, how about you chill the hell out and just let me do my job? He's usually very good at keeping track of who is doing what, so how about just doing what you and he discuss and not attempt to be more "on top of things"...or whatever you think you're doing....by jumping into areas that you're not directly involved in? What you're doing is highly inefficient, because it means I have to stop and make sure we're not doing double work because you've decided to "take the initiative". Unless you want to do all the work on this one...I'm sure I could lay all of this in your lap and find something else to do, since you don't seem to have enough work, yourself. 

Signed, 

Sick of the madness


----------



## Miss Vickie

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Nutty Neighbor:
> 
> [snippage....]
> 
> The guy who doesn't blow snow before it's time



Hey, I didn't know my father in law moved to your neck of the woods! Your description of him is dead on, and the snow blowing thing? So annoying. 



Dear body,

Yeah, I get it. I'm trying to do too much. But can you think of a better way to tell me than giving me a headache every day for two and a half weeks? Ya THINK???

No love,

Me


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear Customer,

Just a few words of advice:

a. We do not control your insurance co-pays. Just because you did not used to have to pay for your medicine, doesn't mean it's going to be like that forever. 

b. Refrain from using the following sentences together: "I'm not going to have any money when I come back." and "Just charge it." They don't mesh well together or make us want to allow you to put them on a ticket. I'm just saying...

Just A Worker


----------



## Mishty

Dear C,

I work my ass off finding donations for "the agency", I spend a pretty good amount of time, tracking stuff down, sorting it and getting it in a good condition. It's hard to do, without a car, I told you I was excited about that donation from that girl 'cause I was excited to get those sizes, and so much of them, and she was willing to bring them anywhere I wanted! For you to go behind my back and ask for the clothes..... I'm speechless. You couldn't pass up all those brand names, even though you have a closet full of bullshit you never wear. What kind of person, takes clothes off the backs of the less fortunate? All because of the labels. When I called you, I know I should have remained calm, but I went off, but for you to say "I'm gonna get some of the good stuff, and pass on the rest to you.." Guess what? No you are not, I just called her and explained why I needed them, and why you didn't. Was I childish? Nope. Not one bit. Three large lawn bags of 14-20 (L-XXL) clothing, do you know how much we need this right now? We have a family wearing the same pants and shirts every other day, kids C, not women, teenagers. 

I feel like you don't care about what I do, I feel like you have become heartless, and I feel betrayed for myself, and the girl I got put in the middle of this whole ordeal. 

I'm still your friend, but I don't think I can't look at you the same. What you did was shady, very shady, and immature, and selfish. If you need clothes, I would understand, but you are almost $3,000 in debt from shopping.... that show you watch so much Hoarders? Well that could be you, better watch yourself girl. 

-
M

P.S. You really hurt my feelings doing this, I'm more sad than mad.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Crush,

I am not saying this only because of my feelings for you, I am saying this because I have watched how you two interract. 

Ahem..

*YOU DESERVE BETTER.*
She sends you mixed signals, and she confuses you, and _YES _she manipulates you for physical attention because her boyfriend doesn't give her any. 

At this point, I would be more than willing to accept you'll never feel for me like I do you, if only you'd get up off her! You are sweet, sexy, hilarious, nerdy, and SO smart! I utterly adore everything about you. Know what that means? There are other girls out there who will, too! Stop tossing all your eggs in the basket with a hole in it, and find a girl who wants you for YOU. All of you! Every wonderful inch of your body and mind! 

From the bottom of my heart,
The girl with genuine affection for you, you know.. the one you fail to see.


----------



## samuraiscott

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Crush,
> 
> I am not saying this only because of my feelings for you, I am saying this because I have watched how you two interract.
> 
> Ahem..
> 
> *YOU DESERVE BETTER.*
> She sends you mixed signals, and she confuses you, and _YES _she manipulates you for physical attention because her boyfriend doesn't give her any.
> 
> At this point, I would be more than willing to accept you'll never feel for me like I do you, if only you'd get up off her! You are sweet, sexy, hilarious, nerdy, and SO smart! I utterly adore everything about you. Know what that means? There are other girls out there who will, too! Stop tossing all your eggs in the basket with a hole in it, and find a girl who wants you for YOU. All of you! Every wonderful inch of your body and mind!
> 
> From the bottom of my heart,
> The girl with genuine affection for you, you know.. the one you fail to see.



Dear Your Plump Princess,

I totally feel you on this one. I hope things work out for you and your friend.

Signed,

Scott


----------



## mimosa

Dear B

My anger was my lighthouse in the middle of the hurricane of emotions that I felt. It was my way of surviving the pain I felt when we said goodbye. So it was to my surprise when you said you wanted to talk on the phone again. It was lovely to hear your feelings remain. But we both know where real life is. Can dreams ever come true? Who knows anymore. But somehow, we can go on knowing what love can really be. So thank you for everything. 

Always, 

N


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Everyone,

I would like to completely endorse a wonderful product called *Sambucol*. It is a zinc+ supplement (melt tabs) and if you take it at the first onset of your cold, it will knock it's duration by about 85%. Every time I have taken it, I never developed runny nose, deep coughing and my colds only last about 2 or 3 days! Also it won't disturb your ability to taste or smell like Zycam does and it tastes wayyyyy better! 

Happy cold and flu season,

Me


----------



## Carrie

fat9276 said:


> Dear Everyone,
> 
> I would like to completely endorse a wonderful product called *Sambucol*. It is a zinc+ supplement (melt tabs) and if you take it at the first onset of your cold, it will knock it's duration by about 85%. Every time I have taken it, I never developed runny nose, deep coughing and my colds only last about 2 or 3 days! Also it won't disturb your ability to taste or smell like Zycam does and it tastes wayyyyy better!
> 
> Happy cold and flu season,
> 
> Me


Zinc is my best friend. I take it daily and very rarely catch colds anymore (in fact, don't tell the universe lest it hear and send me one just to teach me a lesson, but I can't recall the last time I had a cold). If I do feel some sniffles coming on, I double up on it and vitamin C and poof! they're gone. Good stuff.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Lady
If I angered you in some way I am truly sorry. 
Trying to be less moody and tempestuous if possible
Me


----------



## Shosh

Dear ,

I am ready for you to come and be with me darling dear. :wubu:

With love

Shoshana


----------



## mimosa

To my sweet little bottomless pit, :eat1:

I love you with all my heart. But I am cutting you off @ 4 waffles. I would like to have breakfast too! Now be a good little boy and drink your milk. 


Your Mama that adores you. :wubu:


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Cheyenne-
Wow, you've become such a lovely lady. I am all too proud to call you my niece. I have to say that I somewhat envy you because you really do have the world on a string. You are 16, in love (he's a sweet guy, Chey. You chose well), have tons of friends, are a fantastic big sister, and already have received scholarship awards to college. You treat everyone as if they were a long lost friend whom you missed desperately, and shower everyone in your lives with courtesy, respect and kindness. I couldn't be more proud of you if you were my own daughter.
I love that even though your mother and I do not get along, you haven't judged me. You leave me "I love you" and "Don't let the world bring you down cos you are an amazing person" messages which have--on more than one occasion--turned a blue day into something bright and wonderful. You are not afraid to let your friends know that that big fat lady on your FB page is your aunt and that you love her (unlike some other family members). It tickles me pink that you still call me Aunt Tay, even when all the other kids in the family have stopped. You are not embarrassed by me, treat me with dignity and respect and always make it a point to come to give me a hug no matter who is around. Even if you are pressed for time you make sure to come sit with me for a few minutes and chat about life, boys, and all the silly things that people sometimes take for granted. I like to think that all the time that you spent with me as a child has had that positive effect on you--and that I played a even just a small part in showing you that everyone deserves to have love and kindness in their lives. It makes me proud that you've turned out to be this kind of person. 
I love you bunches
Aunt Tay.


----------



## penguin

Dear sleep,

Please come back. I miss you. When you only visit for a few hours, I get sad. Stay all night. I'll be good, I promise.

love,

me.


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear Curiosity,

*FFS*, Cut it out already! _Seriously_. You're pissing me off!

Kthxbye!
Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Boombox,

I know you love it when I turn you on (Yeah, slowly cranking your dial up, listening to you get louder and louder. Momma knows  ) but seriously, automatically turning your bass boost on is NOT cool. The 'rents can totally hear you already, we don't need my entire floor shaking just because your at 20 out 30 notches. Mmkay? 

Here's hoping I remember to turn the boost off, since your a stubbourn thing. 

:wubu:Love:wubu:,
The Girl With The Vibrating Floor.


----------



## SMA413

Dear self-

You need a change. Maybe a change of scenery, maybe a change of pace, maybe a change of mentality. Whatever it is, make it already. 

Love always,
Your common sense


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear God, After the last 22 months..I realize that you must think I have an enormous amount of strength..but the truth is..I am at the end of my rope. Rob needs a job and I need a transfer or something.

We need help.

Misty


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Crush,

All will be as it should, I know this. 


:wubu:,
Moi.


----------



## TraciJo67

Dear People who post about anonymous crushes,

I seriously would like to understand why this is. Is there some kind of internet protocol that would make it impractical to just divulge who you are seeing, chatting with, IMing/camming/talking on the phone (or whatever you crazy technogeeks are doing these days)? I mean, I get it if you're married (or he/she is married) or if it's not someone who posts at Dims. But other than that ... why not just help a nosy parker out and just SAY who you are talking about? I'm a bit player and I don't get invited to the Gossip parties


----------



## penguin

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear People who post about anonymous crushes,
> 
> I seriously would like to understand why this is. Is there some kind of internet protocol that would make it impractical to just divulge who you are seeing, chatting with, IMing/camming/talking on the phone (or whatever you crazy technogeeks are doing these days)? I mean, I get it if you're married (or he/she is married) or if it's not someone who posts at Dims. But other than that ... why not just help a nosy parker out and just SAY who you are talking about? I'm a bit player and I don't get invited to the Gossip parties



Oh yes, name names. Especially if mine is in there


----------



## CastingPearls

Honestly, it's a crush. An internet one at that. It's not a marriage proposal even though they happen too.


----------



## mossystate

Dear Traci, 

Haven't I told you that the boys will let you know? Stop scaring them off with your neediness. Let nature take its course and stop doing the poopy dance of love. HOney - please.

Mossything


----------



## TraciJo67

CastingPearls said:


> Honestly, it's a crush. An internet one at that. It's not a marriage proposal even though they happen too.


 
I don't care about any of that, CP. I want gossip fodder, and I want it STAT.


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear Anonymous,

I have a big crush on you! I love the way you post, and the way you wear your hair, and all your manly manlinesses. Let's get married. 

Love, 
mcbeth

Take THAT, TJ!


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe,

It is a bit too hot over here for my taste. It feels like I am trapped in Satan's underwear, so if you could turn it down a notch I would be ever so grateful.

Love,
Kimberly


----------



## AmazingAmy

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> It is a bit too hot over here for my taste. It feels like I am trapped in Satan's underwear, so if you could turn it down a notch I would be ever so grateful.
> 
> Love,
> Kimberly



I read that as Santa... I'm torn between which I'd prefer.


----------



## CastingPearls

AmazingAmy said:


> I read that as Santa... I'm torn between which I'd prefer.


I'm still thinking too.


----------



## penguin

AmazingAmy said:


> I read that as Santa... I'm torn between which I'd prefer.



Satan farts fire, while Santa farts presents. You choose which is better to receive!


----------



## littlefairywren

AmazingAmy said:


> I read that as Santa... I'm torn between which I'd prefer.





CastingPearls said:


> I'm still thinking too.



Haha, with Santa there's a chance of getting a gift and a trip around the world! :happy:


----------



## mossystate

How long would it take me to clean those presents..... I can roast stuff if I choose Satan. 

Of course, both of them would be like looking into a mirror...so I will wait for the next man fictional man.


----------



## CAMellie

My darling new laptop,

I love you! :wubu:
HP - Laptop / AMD Turion II Processor / 15.6" Display / 3GB Memory / 500GB Hard Drive - Biscotti
Mmmmmm...biscotti. Even your color is wonderful.

Forever yours (or until you become out-dated and we buy another one),
Melanie


----------



## Victim

Yes, Z...... and D... G......., A....... has it right, if intelligent people keep leaving your forum, you WILL have nothing left but clunes and ignoranuses. Of course, since I left a long time ago, I don't feel sorry for contributing to this in the slightest. 

OK, I feel sorry for you, A......., but you have been wronged too, and will eventually leave as well.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Snow--
AGAIN??? Come on! Enough is enough. GTFO!


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

littlefairywren said:


> Haha, with Santa there's a chance of getting a gift and a trip around the world! :happy:



Why did I read "around the world" in a completely inappropriate way?

Because it's like that joke about the difference between me and a mallard with the flu: One's a sick fuck and I don't know the rest but your mother's a whore.


----------



## littlefairywren

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Why did I read "around the world" in a completely inappropriate way?
> 
> Because it's like that joke about the difference between me and a mallard with the flu: One's a sick fuck and I don't know the rest but your mother's a whore.



"He's making a list	
And checking it twice;	
Gonna find out who's *naughty* and nice"	

Guess who's getting coal in their stocking this year?


----------



## SMA413

Dear Texas-
I'm pretty sure it's written somewhere in the original constitution of the Republic of Texas that it is illegal for temperatures to drop below freezing. If you keep searching, I think there is also a subclause that also outlaws changes in temperature greater than 60 degrees in a 48 hour time period. It would be greatly appreciated if you would go back to obeying both the laws of Texas and the laws of nature and pick a season already. 
Love always,
Samantha

P.S. WTF is with the rolling blackouts? Really??


----------



## penguin

Dear throat,

GET BETTER. I have big plans for the next few days, and I don't want you spoiling them!!


----------



## CastingPearls

I decided on Santa because I DID take 'around the world' in an inappropriate to you maybe way.


----------



## MisticalMisty

SMA413 said:


> Dear Texas-
> I'm pretty sure it's written somewhere in the original constitution of the Republic of Texas that it is illegal for temperatures to drop below freezing. If you keep searching, I think there is also a subclause that also outlaws changes in temperature greater than 60 degrees in a 48 hour time period. It would be greatly appreciated if you would go back to obeying both the laws of Texas and the laws of nature and pick a season already.
> Love always,
> Samantha
> 
> P.S. WTF is with the rolling blackouts? Really??



Atmos had some sort of blowout at one of their power plants. That's what's causing the blackouts. Apparently, it's done for today, but if we get more snow and ice tomorrow as predicted, they may start them again.


----------



## AmazingAmy

penguin said:


> Dear throat,
> 
> GET BETTER. I have big plans for the next few days, and I don't want you spoiling them!!



I think I need glasses for this thread, because this time I read that as _deep _throat.


----------



## penguin

AmazingAmy said:


> I think I need glasses for this thread, because this time I read that as _deep _throat.



Oh I think we can see what's on your mind, Amy


----------



## penguin

Dear Strepsils,

I love you. You make my throat all kinds of happy.


----------



## littlefairywren

CastingPearls said:


> I decided on Santa because I DID take 'around the world' in an inappropriate to you maybe way.



Uh huh :kiss2:


----------



## AlethaBBW

Dear sciatic nerve, eff you and the horse you rode in on.

Kthxbai,

Me


Dear Rolling Blackouts,

Stay the hell out of Houston in the morning. You made my cpap stop working and stole precious hours of much needed sleep. 

Lovenotsomuch,

Me


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Waxing Lady,

Please be gentle today. God, I have no pain threshold.

Scared of all the ripping to come,
Amy


----------



## Blackjack

Dear jackass,

I mean what I said.

I do, in fact, hope that your balls are gnawed off by a rabid hamster. Or a gerbil or guinea pig would work as well. In any case, it'd be quite painful, which I think is suiting for your self-righteous attitude and sense of entitlement.

It's people like you who spoil the internet in general- and more specifically, people just like you who wreck the fun of posting photos in places like this.

I don't say this kind of thing often, and it's even less common that I mean it. But please do us all a favor and die.

Sincerely,
Kevin Murphy


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear contractor,

While I understand your desire to work in my department and get involved in the wonderful world of lab system validation, please understand that:

1) I already have one contractor who works for me and she has seniority, and 

2) Accept just once that your skills as a smooth _mamacita_ won't buy you an inch of cooperation from our lazy customers when threats of everything from project deprioritization to Klingon discommendation haven't worked yet. 

Surprisingly, after 15 years in the business I may actually know what the Hell I am talking about. Please don't insult the intelligence of the guy you want to work for BEFORE you start working with him. You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

Toodles,

Someone who is already reaching for the Excedrin :doh:


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear spontaneous "I'm Fucking Hot" Feeling,

Feel free to show your beautiful face more often! SERIOUSLY, I miss you. Misery keeps pushing it's ugly head all over me and leaves me in a pile of sorrowful goo. 

Sincerely,
Moi.

---------

Dear little black fly or whatever,

The fuck are you doing in my house? 
It's winter. NO BUGS. It's the Freaking LAW OF NATURE. 
[Or, Of my room.]

Sincerely,
User of the laptop you are flinging yourself into so ungracefully.


----------



## mimosa

Dear B

Your confession last week caused me joy to begin with and then a lot more pain than I thought. I have been depressed ever since. Maybe it was easier not knowing anything about you again. You say you want to call me next week. Maybe you won't anyway. I think it's for the best just to let go once and for all. It's too painful knowing how you feel and not being able to fulfill any of your promises... Not even one! It fucking sucks, B. I hate this. I want to hate you again ...but I can't. :really sad:


N :goodbye:


----------



## SMA413

Dear B-
You're a super sweet guy and all... but I'm just not feeling it. What makes this REALLY awkward is that we are literally trapped together for at least another 6 hours on what has to be the most boring date ever. 
- Me


----------



## Bigtigmom

Dear F.B.,

I can NOT nor do I wish to be part of your collection of fantasy females. I am quite a unique woman who was not created to be a plaything or collectible item for you or anyone else. You have immense amounts of maturing to do, because right now you're clueless in so many areas. I hope your journey to adulthood begins soon and you can join the rest of us living in reality. Life has many ways of teaching us important lessons and believe me it will. My advice is grow up and step away from the mirror, because it's not all about you! Oh and one more thing, you're welcome! 


Sincerely,
One of a kind and definitely more than you can handle!


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Mother,

I know it's disgusting and shameful having a fat child, but please be strong; you have two other beautiful, normal, healthy girls to make up for that. The other one will be gone soon.

Yours,
The Other One.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Amy,

She's wrong.
You're beautiful inside and out.
You're smart, compassionate and funny as hell. 
You've a great deal of potential and the sky's the limit so don't let anyone define your worth.
She's wrong. 

Love,
Lainey


----------



## Dromond

Dear mothers everywhere,

Stop destroying your children. Your child is not you, and never will be. You cannot mold them into what you want them to be, nor should you ever try. If they aren't perfect, you should hold them tight and love them - never rub their noses in their imperfections. Your issues are not theirs, so stop giving them your pain.

With sincere loathing,

Me.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Cupid,

You Missed. I Hate you. Go Die. [Right Now]

With ut-most sincereity,
Moi.


----------



## joswitch

AmazingAmy said:


> Dear Mother,
> 
> I know it's disgusting and shameful having a fat child, but please be strong; you have two other beautiful, normal, healthy girls to make up for that. The other one will be gone soon.
> 
> Yours,
> The Other One.



Dear Amy

Your mum's clearly a mental. You knows it!

Don't let her grind you down.

*hugs*


----------



## joswitch

Dear Spain,

I know that slack time-keeping is dear to your heart, and goddess knows it is to mine, too... but would it outright kill you to have a gig start within oooooh say ?an hour? of it being scheduled? Two hours late really takes the piss. WTFFOAFS???

Dear Free Jazz

For 10 minutes you are intriguing, by 20 - amusing, by 30 your self-indulgence is wearing a little thin. After an HOUR AND A HALF, I'd knaw my own arm off to get away from the interminable pointless skoodely-boopity-doop. For fuck's sake, get a tune! or a lyric, or a rythmn or just play shorter sets! 

Yours 

Thwarted from jamming cos I just couldn't stand waiting through teh musical wankery a moment longer.


----------



## penguin

Dear Amy,

You're wonderful and gorgeous and I want to give you hugs too!


----------



## Dmitra

Dear Amy,

Joining the chorus to sing your praises! You're a beautiful lady and I'm sorry you have to deal with hurtful familial sayings. I have to say I've been finding myself wishing I were a better painter so I could translate this photo into something Rembrandt-ish, it's so lovely.

My father and brother used to say similar things to me so I can imagine how you feel. *hugs*

Be well,
M


----------



## Famouslastwords

Dmitra said:


> Dear Amy,
> 
> Joining the chorus to sing your praises! You're a beautiful lady and I'm sorry you have to deal with hurtful familial sayings. I have to say I've been finding myself wishing I were a better painter so I could translate this photo into something Rembrandt-ish, it's so lovely.
> 
> My father and brother used to say similar things to me so I can imagine how you feel. *hugs*
> 
> Be well,
> M



Oh damn, I had not seen that photo before of her. It's quite lovely, innit? Wow Amy, you truly are lovely. I can't rep you Amy, but I'm going to rep Dmitra for showing me the picture. So cute.


----------



## AmazingAmy

CastingPearls said:


> Dear Amy,
> 
> She's wrong.
> You're beautiful inside and out.
> You're smart, compassionate and funny as hell.
> You've a great deal of potential and the sky's the limit so don't let anyone define your worth.
> She's wrong.
> 
> Love,
> Lainey





Dromond said:


> Dear mothers everywhere,
> 
> Stop destroying your children. Your child is not you, and never will be. You cannot mold them into what you want them to be, nor should you ever try. If they aren't perfect, you should hold them tight and love them - never rub their noses in their imperfections. Your issues are not theirs, so stop giving them your pain.
> 
> With sincere loathing,
> 
> Me.





joswitch said:


> Dear Amy
> 
> Your mum's clearly a mental. You knows it!
> 
> Don't let her grind you down.
> 
> *hugs*





penguin said:


> Dear Amy,
> 
> You're wonderful and gorgeous and I want to give you hugs too!





Dmitra said:


> Dear Amy,
> 
> Joining the chorus to sing your praises! You're a beautiful lady and I'm sorry you have to deal with hurtful familial sayings. I have to say I've been finding myself wishing I were a better painter so I could translate this photo into something Rembrandt-ish, it's so lovely.
> 
> My father and brother used to say similar things to me so I can imagine how you feel. *hugs*
> 
> Be well,
> M





Famouslastwords said:


> Oh damn, I had not seen that photo before of her. It's quite lovely, innit? Wow Amy, you truly are lovely. I can't rep you Amy, but I'm going to rep Dmitra for showing me the picture. So cute.



Ack, thank you for the support guys. I wrote that letter in a moment of anger before diving into solitary confinement in my bed for 12 hours; I didn't expect such nice responses! I woke up feeling better, but I do even moreso now.  In retrospect I should've sucked it up a little more and not taken it so harshly, but it's nice to know people understand the feeling. And thank you for the crazy compliment on my photo, Dmitra! :blush:

Oh, and mum sensed I was upset and sheepishly asked if I was alright. I forgive her, she doesn't get how she comes across sometimes. Like a lot mums!


----------



## samuraiscott

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear spontaneous "I'm Fucking Hot" Feeling,
> 
> Feel free to show your beautiful face more often! SERIOUSLY, I miss you. Misery keeps pushing it's ugly head all over me and leaves me in a pile of sorrowful goo.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Moi.



Dear Spontaneous "I'm Fucking Hot" Feeling,

After you have visited YPP a few more times, do you think you can mosey your way on over to me?

Kthanxbai,
Scott


----------



## Heyyou

Dear sign at pawn shop shaped like an arrow:

You slapped me in the face/head twice today when the wind blew, and i was a little bit upset with you. However, i manhandled you the rest of the day, and i again have positive feelings for you, since you made me some money. I look forward to our next meeting, oh sign of the pawn shop! Enjoy your rest before i get my hands on you again next Saturday.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Friend,

The way you treat him, makes my skin crawl. He is a man. He is not some emotionless drone that you can use when your boyfriend is neglecting you physically or emotionally. He's right, you DO lead him on. You may miss his friendship, his always-being there, the confiding in him when you could turn to no one else... but the things you do, the way you word things? It's like slowly ripping off the wings of a butterfly. I cry, for HIM. If he'd never love me, I only wish he'd never love you and find someone who can treat him as he deserves: Wonderfully. 


With ut-most sincerety, 
Death-Cow.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Bf,

I still worry that you have ulterior motives whenever you're nice to me. 

The problem is most likely me.....but I still have my eye on you. 

Moi


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Dear Amy, 

I was going to make a crude joke along the lines of

"Dear amy, let's go out and get pissed and show your mom she's wrong . . . "
and somehow end that joke with sex being involved. 

But I've reflected on it, and decided not to. 

With that being said let me start over. 

Dear Amy, 

You're amazing. 

- Hozay


----------



## Gingembre

Dear boy,

Although we have talking on the phone regularly, it was so so so so good to see you again this evening. Shame we couldn't have spent longer together but am looking forward to seeing you again soon. :kiss2:

L x


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Dear boy from the post above . . . 

don't fuck it up! :-D


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Hozay,

Ahahaha, bless you! There's not really an "it" yet...it's a very slow burner (we both have a lot going on atm, live 2.5hrs apart and each live with our parents..). But it's ticking along nicely. 

Thanks for the support!

Gingembre x


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Ra,

I Love you. 

Sincerely,
Moi.


----


Dear Mom,

Stop. Just..just shut up already. You think I don't know that it will never be? You think you are 'helping' me so I don't get devastatingly hurt, but your WORDS hurt. You wonder why I have no confidence? _REALLY_? Think about it. "But she's a pretty li'l stick, they'll get together." is SO Encouraging. Truly. Gee, I don't know why I'm not an egotistical stuck up bitch by now. 


Painfully Yours,
Megan.


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Dear you,

If this is supposed to be love then why do I often feel so wounded?

As much as we both want it to be this isn't right...

Signed,
Caged Bird


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Hozay,

Let's go out and get pissed and show my mum she's wrong. Then let's have sex.

- Amy

PS. You're amazing-er.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear pain that shot up the backs up my legs all the way to the base of my head...WTF? GTFO, LMTFalone.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Great Whatever
Please give Lovelyone some relief from pain, and let Amy's Mommy smarten up.
me


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Dearest Amy . . . 

Deal. 

-Hozay


----------



## mimosa

Dear W 

I realize that you have been the rock of our family. You are amazing. In good and bad times, you have been there for me.....also I have been there for you. So..thanks from the bottom of my heart. God bless..

M


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear Snow,

Thank you for finally arriving! *squee* You look so purdy!! Now, on that note...please stop flickering the power off and on.

Happy in AR,
Muah


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear home, 

You make me sick everytime I near you. The entire car-ride home today from Moms house, my stomach hurt. I come back, and it's like living in a pool.. Cold, nice at first, but not someplace I'd like to spend 24 hours a day in. I swear to you, my poor house, I can feel every bit of negativity. The air is thick with it. Every scream, every fit, every angry glare, it's like a wave and I .. I swear I can feel it consuming me. 

Now, it's true, in the 21 years of being OUR house, you have witnessed a lot of anger and sadness, but you saw good times, too! ...Where are those feelings now? You don't seem inviting anymore, you seem like a monument of mockery with claws, digging deep into my soul and wrenching out everything that makes me smile. 

One last thing, darling. I'm cleaning you to make you look nice, so please stop attacking me? I'm sick of things falling on my head, or tripping me, or shocking me. Especially in my own bedroom! I help keep you from rotting into the ground, the least you can do is appreciate it! Who knows! Maybe with some cleaning up and some organizing, you'll look beautiful again! ..Or, to quote "Igor" from Young Frankenstein "	I don't know, a little paint, some flowers, a couple of throw pillows"   


Work with me here, Dear house, Work with me! 

Sincerely,
One of the things inside of you.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Family-
I know that you think I am stupid and will fall for EVERY load of bullsh*t that comes out of your mouths--but, dear family--let me enlighten you to something. I LONG AGO learned that most of you are liars, manipulators, thieves, and non-trustworthy bull-sh*tters. I said most, not all. 
I haven't believed a word that you have said since I was a young lass (and that was a long, long time ago). I always double check whatever you say, have questions about your "stories" and will never believe that the truth is spewing from your faces. So STOP. STOP trying to convince me of the lies that you've fooled yourself into believing, stop sending your kids to talk to me because you've figured out that YOUR lies won't pass but THEIRS might, stop deluding yourselves that you have everyone fooled into believing that what you have to say is truthful or relevant, cos it isn't. Stop telling me BS stories that we both know are not true. Just stop. My bullsh*t meter is not broken and "YOU (this) SHALL NOT PASS!"
Sign me,
Sick and tired of all the BS


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Year 8 Science Teacher,

It's taken me 10 years to realise you probably saved my life with that single act of pity. All I could think at the time was that you were mean and unreasonable, taking something that didn't belong to you. I can't believe it's taken me this long to see what could have happened if you'd told someone instead of just keeping it between us. I also can't believe you'd give me a second chance like that when I was always so rude to you. I owe you more than I can even fathom.

Enternally grateful,
Amy


----------



## Mishty

Dear Christina,

This isn't the first time I've complained about honesty where you're concerned, but it is the last. I don't understand you anymore, or maybe I never did, either way, I just deleted you from everything, and I blocked your number. My best friend of two years, my "soul sister", turns out you are cock hungry, and a horrible mother. You could have told a million lies to get out of coming to town last Friday, but you had to go the extra mile and tell me KoKo was in the ER, getting stitches, and I haven't heard from you since. I talked to your brother today, and your Mama. Your daughter is with them, hasn't been to the ER and no one has any idea where you are. Your mother and I talked for hours about your problems, the real ones and the ones that you made up and fed to me.... The only reason I called was because my own Mama was worried about your little girl, and wouldn't leave me alone till I found out she was okay. I'm so god damn mad at you for making me want to be physically violent for the first time in a long time. You are a shame, and I can't continue this anymore. Take my warning and stay away from me though, and stay away from where I'll be. I'm not god damn kidding here, you'll rue the day. 


thanks,
Misty

P.S. I'm more hurt and saddened than mad.


----------



## lalatx

Dear phone stalker, 

We went to high school together. You were either a year ahead or a year behind me. You played baseball while I was took art classes and played guitar. I do not think we spoke a single word to each other.
We ran into each other over the weekend. You are cute so I gave you my number. I regret that move in its entirety. You have proceed to call and text me constantly from a series of different numbers for the last several days. 
This leads me to believe several things. 1. You do not have your own phone. 2. You do not have a job since you are bored and calling me constantly. 3. You are crazy and obsessive. 
Please stop contacting me or I will have to be more direct than "please do not call me again" and "F**k off". Because telling you this clearly did not work.

Thanks,

Morgan 

P.S I am glad you do not remember my last name b.c you will be unable to find me and cut me into little pieces.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Susan-
I am so happy that we are friends. You know when I first met you I thought you were stuck-up. BOY, was I wrong about that. You are truly the most kind, loving, giving, tenderhearted and understanding person I have EVER met. I love that we have similar experiences in life but yet we are so totally different. I love that I can say something so off-the-wall to you and you totally "get" it. 
The fact that you "get" my moods only attests to what an amazingly astute person you are. How you can tell that I am having a bad day just by the way I type hello to you on line STILL confounds me. You must be looking through your crystal ball or something like the other witches and gypsies do. (pay no attention to that pile of laundry that is on my floor, k? Don't judge me.) You don't judge me cos of my quirky behaviors. I don't think its all that uncommon to not eat things that are green or wear anything that is lime green but, I digress. You are the only person who I will allow to tease me incessantly for my love of Nutella, PJ Pizza (odd that you know my usual, hehhe) and the fact that I can be lead astray by the sound of the wrappers on Little Debbie snack cakes like a monkey that finds something shiny on the ground! 
You can give me advice when I ask for it (and sometimes when I don't) without seeming superior, you aren't afraid to knock me off my pedestal or give me an attitude adjustment when I am seriously in need of one. I love that you don't look down on me cos I don't make a lot of money, don't have a great job or family, am aged and homely, and that you don't judge me for my affinity for loser men like S.B. (and no that is not a person's initials, its a pet name). You laugh at my stupid jokes. You appreciate that just because I live in Indiana it does not mean that I live on a farm or inbreed with my cousins. I love that about you. If you had a penis (or a twin brother), I would have already proposed.
Sign me,
Happy to know you and proud to be your friend!


----------



## mimosa

Dear L.S. 

Thanks for the Valentine's gift. It is lovely. :happy:Thanks for making this evening special. 

Hope to see you soon :happy:
Mimosa


----------



## penguin

Dear stomach,

Settle, petal.


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Mother,

I feel guilty for wishing you were at work, but you're STRESSING ME THE FUCK OUT. Stop yelling at the dogs, stop bitching about my sister and just STOP DISTURBING ME. I absolutely HATE how on edge I feel all the freaking time in this house because you're such a highly strung woman. I appreciate all that you do for this family, but it makes it so hard when you don't see how your aggression just cancels out all the good things you do. From experience I know you'll go crazy and try and tear this house down when you find out another one of your daughters is going to move out the second she's able, but I just can't live with you anymore. I'm 22, but lately I feel as old, bitter and weary as you.

Fed up of having the happiness drained out of her,
Your Daughter


----------



## activistfatgirl

AmazingAmy said:


> Dear Hozay,
> 
> Let's go out and get pissed and show my mum she's wrong. Then let's have sex.
> 
> - Amy
> 
> PS. You're amazing-er.





Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Dearest Amy . . .
> 
> Deal.
> 
> -Hozay



This is relevant to my interests.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear sign i spin to make extra $$:

Today, I WON!!  Yes, you have been DEFEATED!!!! I ate a WONDERFUL breakfast of nuts, eggs, even pretzels! Also milk, cereal, and beans. I had the focus, energy, and WILL to MANHANDLE you once again!

Sure, the wind blew a few times. And you tried your BEST to get me in the face! BUT your fantasy of acting like the "1000 ways to die" episode with the guy holding the sign, that would be me, making that $$.. you FAILED! And it felt soo good 

So, to make all the motorists here on Beach Blvd (yeah thats the name of the street!) happy and make me some extra cash which is always good, thank you, oh sign in the shape of a green arrow 

Sincerely Yours, 
heyyou


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Cupid,

You don't even want to know what unspeakable horrors I have planned for when I find you. [and I _will_ find you.]

With ut-most sincerity
BSW. 
[Bitter Single Woman]


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Australia Post

sometimes you really suck I mean seriously when something should be there within 2 bussiness days so people will actually get their valentines on time it should be there. However as I got two amazing parcels of craft stuff today

you are forgiven till next we cross swords

Amanda


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear anyone who is alone on Valentine's day--

Tomorrow is the day we really shine-just hold out until then. We don't have to pretend we liked the flowers or the waxy candy that someone bought us, we don't have to clean up after the dinner that we would have cooked for our loved one. We get to lounge around in our jammies with bed-head and no make-up on our faces. We get to buy all the sappy V-day candy at half price tomorrow, and in a few days we will get to smile and feign sorrow when our coupled off friends tell us about what crappy gifts they got today.

Smiles,
Terri


----------



## Mishty

Hey C,
It's been 6 days since I told you too kick rocks, and guess what? I only think about you once or twice an hour. I'm doing great. Hope you are having a horrible day thinking about your boyfriend humping his wife tonight. I still have your gold bronze eye combo, I'm keeping it since you have my favorite hoodie, I also have your balls in my pocket, I'm keeping those to. 

Happy V-Day whore,

Misty


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Bed:

Im coming.

All yours, - heyyou


----------



## Linda

Dear K,

What the hell are you thinking? I wasn't good enough before. You didn't like it much when I found my balls and stood tall and walked away because I think somewhere inside of your egotistical self you thought I wouldn't wander far. That eventually I would come back because of course you're the best there is.  But screw you. I took the time to dust myself off and find myself again. You know what? I love me. And now with the return of J you are going crazy. Some might rub it in your face after being treated the way that I was but I actually feel sorry for you. You are pathetic. I hope she sees who you really are before donning the white dress but that is doubtful. All I want is a quiet phone. Please just lose my number.

Turning away,
L


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Linda said:


> Dear K,
> 
> What the hell are you thinking? I wasn't good enough before. You didn't like it much when I found my balls and stood tall and walked away because I think somewhere inside of your egotistical self you thought I wouldn't wander far. That eventually I would come back because of course you're the best there is.  But screw you. I took the time to dust myself off and find myself again. You know what? I love me. *And now with the return of J* you are going crazy. Some might rub it in your face after being treated the way that I was but I actually feel sorry for you. You are pathetic. I hope she sees who you really are before donning the white dress but that is doubtful. All I want is a quiet phone. Please just lose my number.
> 
> Turning away,
> L



I have returned . . . Jose Lives!


----------



## Linda

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> I have returned . . . Jose Lives!



Yes all J's are amazing!!!


----------



## Heyyou

Dear can of Red Bull:

Imma shoot you. SO make your peace with your maker, at the can factory in Switzerland.

Sincerely, - heyyou


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear you,

Somehow I knew you'd forget my black rose. I knew the minute you told me to wait until valentines day. This? This is why I'm a fucking pessimist. 

Sincerely,
Once Again Let Down.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear uterus,

You have been giving me trouble, off and on, since my miscarriage in August of 2009. Since it wasn't constant trouble - I kinda put it out of my mind. But now you're torturing me. The pain is horrendous...it even hurts to walk. I'm going in for an emergency gyno appointment tomorrow and you had BETTER be something minor. Please don't be something serious. I'm scared. 

Hopefully,
Melanie


----------



## Deven

Dear Mom,

I lost six pounds. Hooray! Oh, but I'm not happy. You scrutinize every. thing. I. eat. I had dominos deliver chocolate crunch cakes when you went to bed. Why? Because I didn't want your disappointed eyes on me. I didn't want to feel like I'm disappointing you, yet again.

Love,
Deven


----------



## Deacone

Dear Body,

You didn't give me a lot of time of healthiness since last time I was ill with this godforsaken cold for 4 weeks at Christmas. THANKS. Get better soon ok otherwise I'm gonna resort to cutting off my nose and shooting myself in the lungs.

Love, 
Amy


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Old Bitch who lives in the next street,

We know you've been opening our post and keeping what's inside. One way or another, we're getting our stuff back.

One way or another.

Plotting against you,
Number 12


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

AmazingAmy said:


> Dear Old Bitch who lives in the next street,
> 
> We know you've been opening our post and keeping what's inside. One way or another, we're getting our stuff back.
> 
> One way or another.
> 
> Plotting against you,
> Number 12



Here in the US, mail tampering is not just a crime, it's a federal crime. Does the UK have a law like that? She could be looking at serious jail time. Turn the bitch in! lol


----------



## Deacone

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Does the UK have a law like that? She could be looking at serious jail time. Turn the bitch in! lol



I don't think we do. I think it's just considered impolite. I'm not totally sure though.

Screw turning her in, smack the bitch instead


----------



## AmazingAmy

My dad used to work for Royal Mail and doesn't trust that they'll do anything other than start sending our parcels to the right address. They won't call her up on what she's been doing, and nor will anyone else. I want to go round there now and start asking her questions, but I know she won't open the door to anyone.

Bitch.

EDIT: my friend just linked me to this.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

I figured you guys had to have something like that. Fines and imprisonment sound pretty appropriate to me!


----------



## penguin

Dear Muse,

Please come back. I need your prodding. I need this story to get out, and if you could give me some gentle (or sometimes not so gentle) nudges to help with that, I'd be much appreciative.

Love,

Me.

Dear Mood Swings,

Kindly fuck off. I like being happy. I don't like feeling like this. Asshole.

No love,

Me.


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear IRS,

Effffffffffffffffffffff you. I owe you over 1K? Really? In case you didn't realize it, I'm a grad student who works part time and I have no idea why you are such bitches.

I am so going to try to find a loophole.

Suck on this,
mcbeth


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear OneWickedAngel,

It's taking me every once of self control that I have to follow your advice. It's hard when they make the pickings easy though.

Love,
I want to stick around.


----------



## nettie

Dear Deven,
You are beautiful and perfectly made. Remember that.
Nettie


----------



## penguin

Dear insides,

Stop doing those things I don't like you doing.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Body, 

Stop requiring so much sleep. I'd like to do something with my days, thanks. 

Sincerely,
Sleepy.


----------



## Dromond

Dear Depression,

GTFO. Seriously. Leave me alone. I don't like you, I never wanted you, just go away.

Seriously pissed,
Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Cracked.Com, 

I Love You. You always cheer me up when I need it most. Your more epic than 90% of my friends. 

Sincerely,
A Super-Fan


----------



## CAMellie

My dear friends that inquired,

My gyno was unable to visualize anything so I have to have an ultrasound on the 28th. He wants them to check for fibroids, ovarian cysts, etc... 

Thank you SO much for caring...really!

Melanie


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Doctors Office,

Was it too much to ask when I scheduled my appointment for script refills and a lab order and you told me not to eat for twelve hours that you actually make the appointment for a time that I could still make the lab in time for the last pick-up? Isn't that the point of the fast cos now I'm dizzy and my hands are shaking and BOY OH BOY wasn't it fun to watch me almost pass out at the receptionist desk? Which one of you was going to catch me? Yeah I'm still going out with you guys again for drinks and yes thanks i like the pens with the little toy floaty things in them and I do appreciate that you gave me your hush-hush top secret extensions so I don't have to listen to anymore Zeppelin Muzak (Kashmir will never sound the same to me again) but I really wanted to get this crap over with and now I have to do it again TOMORROW. 

Love,
Princess


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Self,

Please breathe, just breathe, keep breathing!


----------



## Linda

Dear Bitch,

Who do you think you are? You seriously called him to see if he would buy those concert tickets for you and your new boyfriend? Uhm 1. No, just no. 2. He sees you for who you are now.....a prostitute. and 3.  I hope your jealousy makes you vanish into thin air. 

Missing you already,

Me :happy:


----------



## KHayes666

Dear just about everyone.

I know I say a lot of things to make people mad. I know I've done a lot of things to make people mad. Some of the things in life I'm ashamed of but I can't live in the past. I can own up to mistakes I've made, but one thing I cannot stand is being accused of something I never did. Apparently there is a very untrue rumor that's been going around about me for years that I only recently learned about.

The rumor is that I took pics at a "panty party" and put them on the internet. I'm here to say that's absolutely false.

The real story was I took pics at one of the dances at the 2008 Memorial Day Bash, not weird pictures but absolutely normal pictures that are on my facebook. Pictures of me with my arms around my friends, nothing sleazy or anything. I put them on various websites such as myspace, facebook, dimensions and fantasy feeder. The problem was some of my friends didn't want to be associated with fantasy feeder and when they told me to remove them, I did so immediately. I apologized to those who I offended and I moved on.

Now for those of you who say "what about the panty party?" here's the kicker, I wasn't invited to any panty parties to begin with. There's no possible way I could have taken pictures at a panty party if I wasn't even there. I can't believe this rumor's been going around for 3 years without my knowledge, it makes a lot of sense why certain people behave toward me actually. 

Like I said, you can love me or hate me because of my real actions and words...but I won't stand for people hating me for something I didn't do.


----------



## Sweet Tooth

Dear A,

I hate saying this - REALLY hate saying this - but you were right. For years you told me how toxic things were with that person, and I didn't listen. I should've trusted that you had my best interests at heart, at least for most of the time we were together. So, much as I hate this admission, you nailed that one.

Not with affection but not with bile and hatred either,
-K


----------



## AuntHen

Dear *Most *Beautiful Boy,

Don't stress! It will all work out for you, I know it will! You are amazing and amazing things will come your way, please don't forget that!! No matter what I am always here for you m.. c....!! :happy: :wubu:

:kiss2::kiss2:

~B~


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Princess Sexypants and Knight of the twisted Fable

I feel thouroughly spoilt, I did not expect such a big or heavy parcel. And I appreciate how much time you took to find things for me like chocolate and crafty stuff

You are both amazing and I am truly lucky to call you friends

With big squishy Hugs

the lady of the lake


----------



## penguin

Dear hormones and cramps,

GTFO.

Dear motivation,

Please come back.


----------



## mossystate

Dear Italian Postal Service, 

YOU SUCK. 

I can no longer sell to Italian buyers because you suck so much.

Signed,
No Stamps For YOU!

And now the same shit from Australia?!?!? Fuck you both.


----------



## Bigtigmom

Dear Clueless,

Enjoy the ride!! I thought you were smarter than this. I shall sit back and watch the re-run, because I've already seen the show that's about to begin. 
Soon enough you'll see, soon enough. LMAO

Best of Luck,
BTM


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear 50MPH Wind Gusts,

HAHA! You thought you would ruin my new hair cut? IMPOSSIBILE! >3 My hair is WIND-PROOF! 


Sincerely,
Boasting in the Breeze~


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Two Jobs:

Try harder. You will not get me down! I had the BEST sleep in AWHILE last night, due to your combined 10 hours of CONSTANT movement (no desk job, at least not yet, oh MART of my employ! Im sticking with you and replacing Job number two) and i need to thank you, not only for your payment and fun  but for your substitute to the gym, which i never really go to, even though its right down the street, lol.

Sincerely Yours, - heyyou


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear female cousins,

I hate you. I hate what you do to your mother. Your both complete selfish spoiled children. 28 and 26 going on freaking 12. Grow the fuck up. 

Sincerely,
'Cherry' and 'Cuz'


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Stupid Clothing Store Online That I was Supposed To Get My PERFECT Corset Top From,

EFF YOU, YOU MOTHER EFFING EFFING EFFS! 

I returned it within 14 days, requested an exchange, and because YOU TOOK SO EFFING LONG, My shirt is no longer in stock in ANY Size, and I'm now EFFED IN THE AY. 

You say you hold all merchandise for up to 14 days after the return. You can't tell me that it took my package that I paid nearly 8 dollars to ship back, NEARLY A MONTH to get to you ijits in New Jersey. 


I hope all your merchandise is somehow destroyed and you have to pay people back their monies. Your lucky that you returned my parents payment, or so help me, it would not have been good. 


Never Ordering From You Again,
Disatisfied.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Male Race

Whilst I know there is a wealth of amazing men out there, DIMMs is proof of that. I surrender. I cannot cope with the drama, the lies, the lack of follow through and the inconsistancies anymore. I know this is mostly populated on online dating sites and such and isnt every single male! 

However I surrender

Sincearly

forever gonna be single


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Forever Gonna be Single,

Want to live with me and hoard a bunch of cats? Think of all the fun and giggles! 

Sincerely,
Nearly Giving up at 20


----------



## CAMellie

Dear ...,

SHUT.THE.EFF.UP.ALREADY! Boohoo! Wah Wah! Just DO something about it. DAMN!


Sincerely,

Melanie


----------



## cinnamitch

Dear head,
If you do not stop hurting, I swear I will find a way to remove you from my body. I have grown tired of you .

To my um friends, I was quite Ill for 2 weeks, yet i never hear from you until today and of course it is so you can whine to me about your life. Kiss my ass and take my aching head with you.


----------



## spiritangel

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Forever Gonna be Single,
> 
> Want to live with me and hoard a bunch of cats? Think of all the fun and giggles!
> 
> Sincerely,
> Nearly Giving up at 20



Dear Nearly giving up at 20

I think I would rather just live my life and enjoy it and stop wasting time with people who are not worth the time or effort

I have decided to throw myself back into my creativity, and focus on the amazing things I do have  mayby you could do the same

Hugs

Forever gonna be single


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Darling Friend,

I got your card today, and it really made me smile. It's so sweet and beautiful. 

<3 Thanks for brightening my day.

Sincerely,
Warm-N-Fuzzy

PS: My mom was jealous cause of how beautiful the card was. Teehee!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Scrap book pages that don't seem to want to do what I want them to do--

Want to be kindling? If not...you better straighten up and fly right. Stop sticking where I don't want you to, help me be creative and imaginative. Oh and glue dots, please be nice to me.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear co-worker:

Thank you for pointing out to me to -NEVER- do a tie-down on, or to, a customer's car! The next time someone requests this, i will state that "I apologize, but it is against company policy to tie this(piece of furniture, etc) onto your vehicle. I do apologize. If the manager clears it, i will, however."

I appreciate you looking out for me, and giving me these nuggets of gold to be the best ****** employee I can be! 

Sincerely, - Co-worker.

Three day weekend! Seems t be my usual schedule.


----------



## Mathias

spiritangel said:


> Dear Male Race
> 
> Whilst I know there is a wealth of amazing men out there, DIMMs is proof of that. I surrender. I cannot cope with the drama, the lies, the lack of follow through and the inconsistancies anymore. I know this is mostly populated on online dating sites and such and isnt every single male!
> 
> However I surrender
> 
> Sincearly
> 
> forever gonna be single





Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Forever Gonna be Single,
> 
> Want to live with me and hoard a bunch of cats? Think of all the fun and giggles!
> 
> Sincerely,
> Nearly Giving up at 20




Dear both of you,

You two are both amazing and any man would be more than lucky to have you!


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Mom,

STOP asking me for some of my prescription pain pills! I am on them for a reason. You have the same primary care physician as I do...so make an appointment. And no...I will NOT do it for you! You're a grown woman - almost - 58 - and know how to use a damned phone. If you need someone to go with you...just ask. I will be more than happy to accompany you.

Your eldest daughter,

Melanie


----------



## SMA413

Dear ex-best friend-
Happy birthday. 
Love,
Your ex-best friend who never forgets, even after all these years


----------



## CAMellie

My darling nephew Wesley,

HAPPY 14TH BIRTHDAY!!

From your favoritest aunt EVAR!


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear head

Stop hurting

Kthxbi


----------



## mossystate

S One,

I feel like I need to pull a bit of a trigger. You are someone who is so very tuned into your own sadness and needs, but I feel like I have felt more than once with you, that you only ' come to me ' when you want comfort and to be reassured. It's almost like I can tell that you must not be getting enough from others you really wish would like you, or give you more, because that's when I hear from you.

When I was made to feel unreasonable for my experiences and feelings, you once again brought it mostly back to you. And then you get silent. I am not going to be the one to wonder, or to engage. You always find new ports in a storm, so I know it won't matter to you. And it really shouldn't...don't get me wrong. Just know that I had the right to feel what I did, no matter how you saw it. Saying a few words that you think meant you really ' got it '...doesn't cut it.

You are not the only one with feelings. It's true.

M


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear God-
I hear you. I hear you loud and clear. I am TRYING to turn the other cheek, see things in a different light, be accepting of others, believe I have a purpose, treat others and myself with kindness, forgive others and myself for past transgressions and trespasses. I am trying to be a good person in general--but do we really have to see Shawshank Redemption 42 times this month in order to drive the message "get busy living or get busy dying" home? 
Terri


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Chair:

Thank you. I really, really appreciate you after a long hard sweaty day at work.

Sincerely yours, - heyyou


----------



## penguin

Dear brother,

Please never ever ever ever find this site.


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear Zebra Kettlecorn,
Please don't be at Costco next time i go. i don't have the willpower to resist your chocolaty goodness! I am happy to have a taste of you for you to go away for a long time. I can't stop snacking on the bag i do have. 

thanks,
me


----------



## cinnamitch

Dear "friends"
This is your idea of friendship? Oh my how we have different views on what it is.I am good enough to be your shoulder, yet when all is well, you wander off to greener fields. Tis enough for me.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear food,

You've always been there for me, but your a two-faced devil.

So long,
Getting-Over-You


----------



## penguin

Dearest ex,

Stop being an ass. I know that will be hard for you, but seriously, try it sometime. Try putting our daughter's best interests and needs first, instead of your wants and your ego. Also, try talking to ME. I'm a reasonable person, even when it comes to you and your epic asshattery. I'm sick of going through lawyers when if you used a bit of common courtesy and respect, we'd be able to have sorted all of this out _ourselves_. 

No love, ever,

Me.


----------



## rg770Ibanez

Dear God, 

I didn't notice until recently that your fingers are pretty oily. Did you really have to make it that obvious? Yeah you did. You're awesome, I love you!

me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear curl that pokes me in the eye,

Your an asshole. One more time, I SWEAR.

Sincerely,
I'll-Cut-You.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear Body,

I know you're trying to tell me something with a 4-day fever and no other symptoms..but I have no insurance. You are going to have to give me a hint so that I can go to the Doc-in-the-box and not have to spend an arm and a leg.

K?

Signed,
Feverish in Texas


----------



## Linda

Dear Old Man Winter,

Your killin' me man.
Don't make me find you and kick your ass.

Sincerely, Snowed in AGAIN!!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Jack Frost,

Back off, Man. We just shoveled 16 inches of white disappointment from you last sunday, and now your going to hit us again this sunday? I swear I'll find you and chop you up, your head would be the PERFECT Forever-Cold Beer Cozy.

Just Sayin',
Pissed in the midwest.


----------



## JoyJoy

Dear Popeye's Red Beans and Rice, 

Why yes...yes, I'll marry you. 

Wait, no....I just want to eat you for the rest of my life. So, how about a FWB kind of thing?


Looking forward to a great future with you, 

Me


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Friday:

I love you.

Sincerely yours, - heyyou


----------



## Heyyou

JoyJoy said:


> Dear Popeye's Red Beans and Rice,
> 
> Why yes...yes, I'll marry you.
> 
> Wait, no....I just want to eat you for the rest of my life. So, how about a FWB kind of thing?
> 
> 
> Looking forward to a great future with you,
> 
> Me



Dear Aficionado of Popeyes that posted above, before my letter to Friday:

I have 2.8 unused coupon books that specifically cator to the "sides" menu of N'Orleans's best Popeyes chicken!  As being semi-successful in my resolution to eat lest "fast food," id be willing to send them to you. Of course, this post makes me think of those unused "pieces of paper" i got by giving an extra $1 to fight Muscular Dystrophy here in Jax FL, and the Popeyes in Central Jax of it, i have a favorite location...

and of course realistically youd decline a mailing, and i offer it in spirit..

but, i too echo your resounding love for Red Beans and Rice.. in absence of corn on the cob. They dont have that particular side down heah. 

Kudos and agreement on choice of sides! Im taken, though, so the Red Beans and Rice, if single and interested, could be all yours! 

And Wednesday is 2 thighs for $1.99! Oh yeah! Bringin my bottled water and ITS ON! 2 spicy thighs, please (as opposed to mild.) 

Sincerely yours, - heyyou lol


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky,

I demand that you fix the ankle immediately! This is not up for discussion either, so no dilly dally. Feeling helpless is not sitting well with me, and besides, I miss that man. 

Love,
Kimberly


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear S.

I know that you are having a hard time and I pray every night that things will get better for you. I think you are perhaps the most amazing, giving, loving person that I have ever known--but you also take on so much by helping others (me included) that it seems like you forget all about yourself. I wish I had a magic wand to help take away all the stress. As your friend I want the best for you but feel helpless to bring that about. I wish there were something I could do to help you as you have helped me out in the past. All I have to offer is my shoulder to cry on, an ear to vent to, prayers (which seem to be going unheard, lately), and a lifetime of friendship. It seems so little compared to what you've given to me as a friend but it comes from the best of places with the greatest of intentions. 
I love ya bunches,
Terri


----------



## luscious_lulu

MisticalMisty said:


> Dear Body,
> 
> I know you're trying to tell me something with a 4-day fever and no other symptoms..but I have no insurance. You are going to have to give me a hint so that I can go to the Doc-in-the-box and not have to spend an arm and a leg.
> 
> K?
> 
> Signed,
> Feverish in Texas



I had this and I know a few other people who had it. It lasted at least a week for me. I think it's just a virus going around.


----------



## MisticalMisty

luscious_lulu said:


> I had this and I know a few other people who had it. It lasted at least a week for me. I think it's just a virus going around.



I think you are right. I have had some friends post about it on their facebook. Absolutely no other symptoms..just a fever. Mine finally broke Friday, only to come back yesterday and the way I feel this morning...I'm sure it's back again today.


----------



## CAMellie

My Dearest Mala May,

I can't believe you're gone. 15 years of the truest friendship I have ever had the pleasure to have. You were there for me after I left my abusive husband. You talked to me...just talked...and helped me break out of the shell I existed in. You help me to 'live' again. I remember sitting in your kitchen, picking out music to play on your computer, and watching you dance around while you cooked Tony's dinner. I remember you "kidnapping" me and taking me out with you while you paid your bills and went shopping. We always ended up at Jimboy's Tacos and you would slip me a valium. It was the funniest thing ever. I never took them, but you said I would never know when I might need it so just hold on to it. God...I wish I had a few now.
I feel like I failed you, at the end, because I didn't visit a whole lot. But then I remind myself about our last visit together and how you told me you didn't want me to see you like that. We hugged SO hard before I left (even though I knew it was hurting you...you wouldn't let go) and you told me how much you loved me and to take care of this one because he's a keeper (talking about Adrian). Then you hugged Adrian and told both of us to take care of each other.
I miss you, Mala! The pain is eating me up. You were my rock after Kerry died. Who will be my rock now that you've died? I know Adrian will try, but it's just not the same. You died...and the only person I want comfort from is you! I love you, my Mala May, and I always will.

Miss Melanie

P.S. Don't worry about Tony. We're taking good care of him.


----------



## penguin

Dear ex,

Waxing and twirling your moustache to look like a 1920s movie villain? Not a good look. Definitely not on you. You're not that cool.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Food,

For freakin' real, piss off already! I have to drop this weight! 


Pissed The Eff Off,
Consumer.





--


Dear Summer,

Hurry up, I want to go swimming! 

Impatiently Yours,
Cold in the Midwest


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Store Manager:

Hello. If i may have a few minutes of your time, i would like to address a few things that I feel you, on behalf of the Company, are upset with me about. i would like to address these concerns, and i ultimately hope we can move forward in the employer-employee relationship.

What i did over the weekend, blowing off work, was inappropriate. I perhaps could have handled the situation better. In hindsight, i know i could have. I can tell you, with sincerity, that my frustrations and concerns caused me to lie to the Company this one time, and I do deeply apologize, to the Company, and to Miss *edit*, who had a harder day as a result of my actions. Please accept my formal, written apology to yourself, and the Company, placing it in my "Employee file" if you see fit, and i will not repeat this behavior or action. Thank you. Moving forward.

I can tell you that i value my employment, and i will do all that i can to work well and be an excellent employee. I have strengths, and weaknesses. i have a good work ethic and willingness to please, this is a strength. i have poor communication skills with those that i feel "Talk down" to me, this is a weakness. What i feel is happening is *will finish this paragraph off forum, as it contains personal information.* 

I would like to take this opportunity to formally tell you that i have what is just shy of a second job. i work this second job on Friday afternoons, and Saturday "morning to late afternoon." I thank the schedule for being what it is this week, as it allows me to work both assignments i need to support myself, as i am struggling on the 16 hours a week, that number being on the low side. Al factors considered, i appreciate the set resources, including personnel hours, that K-mart has. I will wwork my 4 hours for 4 days as best I can, and be excellent about my work .I do hope my "workable plan" about Wednesday and Friday from 10am to 12pm is acceptable. I have included my phone number, if it is acceptable. I notice Ms *personal* is not here today, or i would have addressed it with her directly today, and in lieu of that, my letters to my upper level managers.

Please contact me at your earliest convenience, sometime today, to let me know if we ca move forward given this concern and workable plan i have detailed in the attached letter describing it in lieu of personally telling you "in your office" due to your obligations that would prevent such a meeting, and i did this so you could be able to review it at the most convenient time, as i know you have prior duties with your time.

Thank you. I will look forward to hearing from you today.

Sincerely, - heyyou


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear friend,

This summer, I'll have money, and I'm going to spoil you a little. I feel so bad, I come over to your house, you feed me, you [and your friends] smoke me up, I feel so bad! >.< 

But don't worry, this summer I will have mowing monies! All will be well. You know when I have money it's basically 'our' money cause we share so much. This is just a dry spell, I worry you think awful of me because I haven't had money lately to give or spend on you like usual, I hope not. 

Lovingly and so dearly appreciatedly yours,
DeathCow.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear animal control person,

I know you guys are busy and all, but would you PLEASE hurry the eff up and come get this poor kitty's body. There are CHILDREN walking past it to get to school, damnit!

The lady that called you last night right after the moron hit the kitty


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Supreme Court
Ya got it wrong. Only one of you dumb 9 figured it out. 
Me.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear Mom,

You are 67 years old. I am 32. You using baby talk to ask me for a kitchen utensil is just... weird. Cut it out.

P.S. - Turning the word "spoon" into "'poon" really entirely changes the meaning. I know you're not aware, but you're seriously weirding me out. 

Thanks.


----------



## penguin

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear Mom,
> 
> You are 67 years old. I am 32. You using baby talk to ask me for a kitchen utensil is just... weird. Cut it out.
> 
> P.S. - Turning the word "spoon" into "'poon" really entirely changes the meaning. I know you're not aware, but you're seriously weirding me out.
> 
> Thanks.



"I need a bigger poon" 
"*brain explodes*"


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

It was even worse than that, penguin. lmao. We're just not going to go there. I'm trying to black it out. >.< hahahahaha.


----------



## Linda

Dear baby daddy,

Tomorrow is your son's birthday. Will you be thinking about him even though you haven't spoken to him in 12 weeks now? Will you be remembering the day he came into this world so adorable and fragile? Will he be on your mind at all or will your girlfriend not allow you to think about him either?

He had a wonderful day today at his two birthday parties. While my sensible side knew you would not come and bring his sisters to share this wonderful day with him I still kind of hoped that you would show up. He had so much fun with his friends but each time the door to the bowling alley opened I couldn't help but notice him look toward the door. I noticed his hopeful gaze turn to disappointment every time. 

And tonight when I was done with our bedtime reading and tucked him in and went to kiss him goodnight he hugged me and said, "Thank you mom for making this day so awesome. I was sad today because daddy tossed me away like the garbage and won't let me see my sisters but you made today great. Thank you for my presents and the party and for being the best mom ever."

A sobering comment from a little, eight year old boy.

So I ask you again; will he be on your mind tomorrow? You are allowed to love your children when entering into a new relationship. Grow some balls and do the right thing before it's too late. I am no longer angry with you, simply astonished at the choice you have made. I pray for you every night that you will realize what your doing and find your way back to your son. I have put my faith in God and hope he will guide you to do the right thing.

Sincerely,

Dumbfounded


----------



## penguin

Linda said:


> And tonight when I was done with our bedtime reading and tucked him in and went to kiss him goodnight he hugged me and said, "Thank you mom for making this day so awesome. I was sad today because daddy tossed me away like the garbage and won't let me see my sisters but you made today great. Thank you for my presents and the party and for being the best mom ever."
> 
> A sobering comment from a little, eight year old boy.



Oh, that's heartbreaking. I'm glad your son can see and appreciate what you do for him.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Jacksonville, FL: 

I love you. Here is my video letter of me enjoying your beauty. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doxnRbaLKsA

Sincerely yours, - heyyou


----------



## mimosa

Dear friend with sparkling blue eyes, 

I am looking forward to having coffee with you. I can't wait to hear about what book you'll be reading next. I take pleasure in your company and the simple things in life. 

Your friend always, 

Mimi


----------



## Linda

Dear Phil,

Were you just messnig with us? You come out of your little burrow and soak in all the fan-fare and then give us your weather prediction. I fear you have lost your touch Sir. Maybe you should stick to hepatitis B and liver cancer research where you would do us all a bit more good.

Hmmm...come to think of it your no worse then your human counterparts. They can't predict the weather most of the time either.

Carry on then.

Sincerely,
Reading the farmer's Almanac instead


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear ...Feelings, 

Please figure out what you want to do so I can have some type of goal. Are we waiting for love and going for lust? Are we waiting lonesomely for both? What the hell are we doing here! 

Confusedly Yours,
Brain and Body.




Dear Zuma Blitz,

Damn all Facebook, You are FREAKING HARD! 
Stop being so difficult >=/ 

Frustratedly,
Me.


----------



## penguin

Dear self,

You're worth it. Stop telling yourself that you're not. You're stronger than you think, too. All this will pass, and you know it. Chin up.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Japan,

God be with you all! It breaks my heart to see you in shambles. I remember walking your streets with joy and happiness. I have such fond memories of my little sister and I together there that I will treasure all my life! I pray you bounce back 10-fold!! 

With Utter Sadness & Love,

The-Only-American-Girl-On-The-Hon-Atsugi-Bus #11


----------



## KHayes666

Dear she who shall not be named

I'm 805 dollars short of getting my g/f the engagement ring. It won't be long now till I got it, no thanks to you.

Enjoy being single, lonely and miserable while I take one step closer to the wedding you could have had with me but never gave me the chance to prove myself.

If you ask for a wedding invite, I won't know whether to laugh or scream at ya.


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear IRS,

I f-ing hate you.

Sincerely,
mcbeth


----------



## CAMellie

Dear ovaries,

Just one more time? Please?


Hopefully,
Melanie


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear DISH,

So glad you put that channel back, I missed House and Glee! 

Sincerely,
Half-viewer.


----------



## butch

mcbeth said:


> Dear IRS,
> 
> I f-ing hate you.
> 
> Sincerely,
> mcbeth



me too! I owe way too much to pay in a month, and don't know what to do.


----------



## MisticalMisty

butch said:


> me too! I owe way too much to pay in a month, and don't know what to do.



Can you file an extension and do a payment plan? We've been having to put money into savings so that we can pay. My husband hasn't worked in two years and we have to pay...*sigh* Damn taxes.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Here's an online application to set up payment agreements, butch, in case that might be helpful: http://www.irs.gov/individuals/article/0,,id=149373,00.html


----------



## HottiMegan

I too hate the IRS and California tax system. We keep making them take out more and more and STILL owe! I'm shocked considering how little we make with a family of four... That and we donated over $1000 last year..


----------



## vardon_grip

mcbeth said:


> Dear IRS,
> 
> I f-ing hate you.
> 
> Sincerely,
> mcbeth



Sorry for your IRS troubles.

I have an accountant and he is a lifesaver! I suggest that everyone use a tax preparer. I always hear, "I can't afford to pay someone to do my taxes". I tell them, "I can't afford for someone to NOT do my taxes!". This year aside from my regular taxed income, I had to cover $28K in 1099's! (income to be taxed at the end of the year). My guy got me over $1100 combined! Spending $350 to make $1100 is okay in my book. I thought for sure I was going to have to pay though the nose this year. (Granted, I take deductions on things that most people can't-like Netflix) Tax preparers keep up on all the new laws and can really find all the deductions that JQ Public may not know about.


----------



## butch

MisticalMisty said:


> Can you file an extension and do a payment plan? We've been having to put money into savings so that we can pay. My husband hasn't worked in two years and we have to pay...*sigh* Damn taxes.



I may have to, but I think turbotax messed up, because the amount I owe is so much more than last year, and I have more deductions this year. ugh.



Thanks, too, Ginny, for the link!


----------



## LovelyLiz

butch said:


> I may have to, but I think turbotax messed up, because the amount I owe is so much more than last year, and I have more deductions this year. ugh!



I'm wondering if the tax tables changed this year. I use Turbotax to do my taxes too, and find it so crazy that as a grad student with a part-time job (even with some pretty decent scholarships) that I owe so much money. Maybe with the financial crises the government is in, they took a bigger chunk this year?


----------



## snuggletiger

My turbotax gave me such a funky refund amount, and a coworker who makes what I make had fewer deductions went to a CPA and got a bigger refund, so I said adios turbotax and hello CPA


----------



## LovelyLiz

vardon_grip said:


> I have an accountant and he is a lifesaver! I suggest that everyone use a tax preparer. I always hear, "I can't afford to pay someone to do my taxes". I tell them, "I can't afford for someone to NOT do my taxes!". This year aside from my regular taxed income, I had to cover $28K in 1099's! (income to be taxed at the end of the year). My guy got me over $1100 combined! Spending $350 to make $1100 is okay in my book. I thought for sure I was going to have to pay though the nose this year. (Granted, I take deductions on things that most people can't-like Netflix) Tax preparers keep up on all the new laws and can really find all the deductions that JQ Public may not know about.





snuggletiger said:


> My turbotax gave me such a funky refund amount, and a coworker who makes what I make had fewer deductions went to a CPA and got a bigger refund, so I said adios turbotax and hello CPA



Dear Vardon_Grip and snuggletiger,

Maybe I will go the CPA route next year. You both make a good point.

mcbeth


----------



## butch

mcbeth said:


> I'm wondering if the tax tables changed this year. I use Turbotax to do my taxes too, and find it so crazy that as a grad student with a part-time job (even with some pretty decent scholarships) that I owe so much money. Maybe with the financial crises the government is in, they took a bigger chunk this year?



I guess so, and I'm all for paying my fair share, but if I hear about some company that ends up paying $0 in taxes because of loopholes and tax breaks, I might hurt someone right now.


----------



## 1love_emily

Dear You,

I love you. That's all.

Love,
Emily


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky,

I don't think you know what you're doing, so you better stop right now! 

Love
Kimberly


----------



## penguin

Dear Autumn,

We're now 3 weeks into March. Where are you? Can you please be bringing the cooler weather already? I know summer is making up for being absent due to the rains, but I would like some cooler weather now please.


----------



## CAMellie

I was going to write a long drawn-out letter addressed to the powers that be about how grateful I am to have my daughter back in my life...and to be a grandmother - but there are too many words in my heart and I just can't seem to get them out like I want them.


----------



## CastingPearls

Hi Scott,
I'm sorry we couldn't talk on the phone last night but things were really hectic and I knew you'd understand. After all, you'd been best friends forever.

I've been sick for two weeks with the flu. It seems like the only person who cared about me after my mom and Lisa died, was Donny. He was still trying to buy me those Doc Martens. Oh how we laughed--me in Docs and pearls. 

I try very hard to remember Lisa's laugh. It's hard cos I was so sick when she died. I was in and out of the hospital and too ill to even attend her funeral and she had been very depressed after Mom died and had become self-destructive and was missing me a lot. She couldn't confide in me because I was barely coherent and on really heavy duty painkillers and I felt so guilty and responsible when she died. They fucked up her tox report three times but a lot of my painkillers were found on her nightstand. I still feel like I let her down.

Donny used to come over here for a week at a time and we'd talk a lot. We were really close. He looked up to me but a lot of it was because neither of us had been our parents' favorite and we bonded over that. We used to cry over mom and Lisa. You remember all of it. You were always at the house. Before and after. 

He had been in a bad accident a few years ago, on a bus, and it left him in a lot of pain. He was taking a lot of painkillers and I also knew, like Lisa, that he had undiagnosed sleep apnea.

I begged him to go easy on the painkillers. I begged him to get tested for sleep apnea. I cried and begged him to not go like Lisa went.

But he did. I know it was an accident. He didn't do it on purpose but they found an empty bottle of pills under his pillow.

They've already done the autopsy. The coroner told me he had moderate heart disease but nothing that would kill him outright. The tox report will take weeks but I already know. I knew when my father called me and told me he couldn't wake Donny up.

I loved Donny more than you could ever know. A lot of people loved him. I don't think he realized how many and how much anyone did. He was depressed that he couldn't find any work, that A was working so many hours and he was lonely and in fact, he was coming to my house to hang out this week so we could just watch movies and shit.
Come to think of it, Lisa and I had planned for her to come up too and then she died in her sleep.

Because of the flu and probably because I've been crying for two days, I've completely lost my voice. My heart hurts. Now its just David and me and I'm trying not to forget Donny's laugh.

Elaine


----------



## CAMellie

Hey,

I just don't think I have it in me. I'm too old (in my opinion), too stubborn and set in my ways, and far too emotionally exhausted to jump through the hoops that you keep trying to put in front of me.

M.


----------



## bmann0413

Dear Cupid,

Dude, have you FINALLY decided to help me out? I mean, I can't even think about other girls anymore. Did you actually... make me fall in love? I mean, REALLY fall in love with this girl?

So confuzzled,
Lloyd


----------



## Linda

Dear you,

You are going to end up a lonely person. Sure you will have people around you but you will find that you're still lonely.

You choose your friends because of what they can give you. The shallowness of this decision has left you surrounding by a bunch of wolves in sheep clothing. All of your sincere friends and family have been cast aside because what? We speak from our hearts and give our opinions on the bad decisions you make or the drama you bring on yourself. 

Maybe it's just that we have different views on what is important in life. Maybe I am just unable to see your perspective on things. Maybe. I hope you are happy in this life you have made for yourself. All I know is I would be lonely and not be able to trust those around me. 

(shrugs)

me


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Doc Brown:

Can I please borrow the De Lorean to go back and talk T-Pain into pursuing a career in, I dunno, _accounting_, just so we can spare the world from the discomfort of having every. single. new. song autotuned out the ass?

It's like the audio equivalent of the bedazzler: While it may indeed have applications on certain clothes for certain aged kids to a certain extent, it's not for every clothing item out on the market, and in the end only fails in making a silk purse out of a sow's ear.


----------



## Lovelyone

Hi-
Is it d*cks before chicks now? Let me know.
Thanks.
T.


----------



## Blackjack

Dear self:

Stop ogling pics of boobs and bellies and go get some lunch and baking stuff.

We got shit to bake today, and not enough butter.


----------



## CAMellie

Dearest B,

The ties that hold us together right now are oh so very fragile. I don't know what I would do if those ties were torn and I lost you again. Like I have told you numerous times over this past week - you can ask me anything and I'll be completely honest with you. I know trust, once shattered, is often heart-breakingly hard (if not impossible) to rebuild, but I'm more than willing to ride out the sore spots with you so that we can build a new mother - daughter relationship.
It breaks my heart (I cry...a LOT) when you say hurtful things to me, but I know the majority of the things you and your brothers were told about me are just not true. So I soldier on...showing case documentation...suggesting that you ask your Aunt Jenny since she was there through the whole thing...and hoping against hope that someday you will TRULY forgive me.

I love you, B. I've loved you since the second I looked into your eyes when you were born, I've loved you these long 12 years we've been apart, and I'll love you forever.

Nothing's gonna stop us now ,
Momma


----------



## CleverBomb

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Doc Brown:
> 
> Can I please borrow the De Lorean to go back and talk T-Pain into pursuing a career in, I dunno, _accounting_, just so we can spare the world from the discomfort of having every. single. new. song autotuned out the ass?
> 
> It's like the audio equivalent of the bedazzler: While it may indeed have applications on certain clothes for certain aged kids to a certain extent, it's not for every clothing item out on the market, and in the end only fails in making a silk purse out of a sow's ear.


Yes, it's a technology better employed on news broadcasts and interviews. 

ETA: 1. Ok, Charlie Sheen. Sorry. 2. It's the folks behind the Autotune the News thing from last year.

-Rusty


----------



## Linda

Dear You,

Why call and leave me that voice mail message with the disclaimer of "Don't call me back, I am almost home."? You got me all upset. Now I am left to wonder what the hell you actually could want. I am sorry you're family won't help you but it is not my responsibility to save you anymore. I am hoping you will surprise me and your request won't be as difficult as the imaginary ones I have running rampant through my mind. 

Sincerely,
See you tomorrow


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Humanity,

I'm going back under my rock now. Please stop poking me with the bitch stick, next time I'ma pull it [and you] down in this hole with me.

Sincerely,
The Grouch.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

CleverBomb said:


> Yes, it's a technology better employed on news broadcasts and interviews.
> 
> ETA: 1. Ok, Charlie Sheen. Sorry. 2. It's the folks behind the Autotune the News thing from last year.
> 
> -Rusty


You are indeed correct, sir. Autotune is best employed as a parody device; plus it makes Charlie Sheen a musical god when used properly.


----------



## littlefairywren

Ok B,

For a very long time I stood by you, helped you for longer than I should have. You were and are a bully, and you abused my good nature for your own gain. Now you turn up out of the blue to abuse me some more. Just leave me the hell alone!

Kimberly


----------



## penguin

Dear favourite bra,

Just HOW did you manage to develop two holes in the cup? My boobs are not pointy. I am very disappointed in you. I really don't want to try to stretch the budget to replace you, but I may have to.


----------



## luscious_lulu

Dear foot, 

Please heal soon. I really want to see how the retouched tattoo looks.

Kthxbi


----------



## Saoirse

Dear D.

Your voicemail made my night. <3. I've been feeling down these past few days. Works bumming me out and that guy I asked out never got back to me (which once again proves that you have hot friends but most of them are losers... sorry). And you've been MIA all week and I've been missing your face.

But your "just wondering how you are, what's up, let's hang out" voicemail lifted me up so much. I'm so grateful to have you in my life. You started off as my brothers friend and you've quickly become one of mine.

Perhaps the bestie is right when he says that you and I will be more than friends in the distant future. But let's not go into that now. Let's just enjoy our amazing friendship.

I love you,D.

<3 N


----------



## The Orange Mage

Dear Tom Petty,

Thank you.

-TOM


----------



## Linda

Dear KK,

Seriously you invited me to your wedding? Bwahahahaha.
So uncool man. So uncool.

Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Giggles,

Today was seriously the best day I've had hanging out with you in a long time. So glad he finally got a job so we can have our girly time again! 

Joyfully,
Deathcow. <3


----------



## KHayes666

Dear self:

Your story has more views in one week than your enemies' does in a full year. This person claims to be better than you, the results speak otherwise. You won.

Your other enemy that fucked you over 6 years ago is still miserable and recently posted an "oh woe is me" blog about possibly ending their relationship meanwhile you're one step closer to marrying the one you love. You won.

Another enemy recently talked about how depressed they are. You're about to resume your duties as a beat writer, the playoffs are about to begin, you recently found your missing vice and your g/f loves you. You have absolutely nothing to be sad about. You won.

A girl who never gave you a chance is still bitching about how it sucks to be single. You haven't been single in a year and a half, you won.

Someone else you don't like recently got fired from their 4th job in 2 years. You've had 2 jobs, once since you were 14 and the other since you were 19 and you've never been fired. You won.

Remember all those assholes who you went to high school with that thought they were better than you? Some of them never graduated from college, some of them graduated and got jobs that make less than you do and some never even got jobs. You won.

Speaking of which, remember that person who went to that no name college who liked to belittle you for not going to college? Well, aren't you a lot younger than that person while making more money than they are? You never set foot inside a college classroom meanwhile that 40 thousand dollar a year education bought them a job that makes less than you. You won.

Lastly, you walked into the BBW/FA community searching for love and you found it. Others that don't like you are still searching and some may never find it, you won.

A lot of people have wronged you in the past unfairly, and a lot of them are the same assholes they always were meanwhile you're bettering yourself with the passage of time. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, you won.

Signed,

T.R.P.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear O:

I know what you're doing, you think you're gaining allies here, but you're not. Next time don't shit where you eat.

Sincerely,

The guy who thankfully isn't your supervisor


----------



## TraciJo67

Dear K,

You'll really "win" when you can let go of the bitterness that underlies every word that you've written.

Winning by gloating about what you perceive to be other people's shortcomings is a very shallow victory. 

As I'm sure you already know.


----------



## KHayes666

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear K,
> 
> You'll really "win" when you can let go of the bitterness that underlies every word that you've written.
> 
> Winning by gloating about what you perceive to be other people's shortcomings is a very shallow victory.
> 
> As I'm sure you already know.



Karma's a bitch.....as I'm sure you already know.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Forum,

How about this weather?

Love,
Melanie


----------



## TraciJo67

KHayes666 said:


> Karma's a bitch.....as I'm sure you already know.


 
So I'm an "enemy", too?

Kevin, you really need to think about how you define that term. You're actually allowing your "enemies" too much power over you, in that clearly you are still bitter and angry.

We haven't always seen eye to eye (well, ok .. never have) but I don't think of you in terms of "enemy" or "friend". I dislike many of the opinions that you express, including the gloating evidenced above, particularly since many of the situations you're so gleeful about are probably extremely painful for the people involved. I can't say I'd gloat if something bad happened to you, Kevin. I'd feel badly for you. I'm serious. I can't wish bad things for anyone, not even for people whom I despise. Not even for the rare few whom I've allowed the opportunity to really, really hurt me. 

I wasn't a popular kid in school, either. Some really made my life hell. My own life hasn't turned into any kind of conventional "success" story, with exception to how I define it: I love, and I'm loved. Lifetime Movie Network schmaltz or not (and clearly, it is ), the only events in my life that have ever brought lasting happiness are evident only in the relationships that I've nurtured. Even if I wanted to gloat about how the lives of those few people who tormented me in high school turned out, in reality, most of them are no better off and certainly in no worse shape than I am. We all have problems and challenges to overcome. I find no comfort in gloating about truly heartbreaking circumstances for anyone, friend or foe. 

And most people, Kevin, can count their "enemies" on one hand with 4 or even all 5 fingers down. Sure, I dislike the behaviors of some people but I'd no more consider them an enemy -- and allow them all of the power over me that such a title conveys -- than I'd casually term someone a good friend.


----------



## KHayes666

TraciJo67 said:


> So I'm an "enemy", too?
> 
> Kevin, you really need to think about how you define that term. You're actually allowing your "enemies" too much power over you, in that clearly you are still bitter and angry.
> 
> We haven't always seen eye to eye (well, ok .. never have) but I don't think of you in terms of "enemy" or "friend". I dislike many of the opinions that you express, including the gloating evidenced above, particularly since many of the situations you're so gleeful about are probably extremely painful for the people involved. I can't say I'd gloat if something bad happened to you, Kevin. I'd feel badly for you. I'm serious. I can't wish bad things for anyone, not even for people whom I despise. Not even for the rare few whom I've allowed the opportunity to really, really hurt me.
> 
> I wasn't a popular kid in school, either. Some really made my life hell. My own life hasn't turned into any kind of conventional "success" story, with exception to how I define it: I love, and I'm loved. Lifetime Movie Network schmaltz or not (and clearly, it is ), the only events in my life that have ever brought lasting happiness are evident only in the relationships that I've nurtured. Even if I wanted to gloat about how the lives of those few people who tormented me in high school turned out, in reality, most of them are no better off and certainly in no worse shape than I am. We all have problems and challenges to overcome. I find no comfort in gloating about truly heartbreaking circumstances for anyone, friend or foe.
> 
> And most people, Kevin, can count their "enemies" on one hand with 4 or even all 5 fingers down. Sure, I dislike the behaviors of some people but I'd no more consider them an enemy -- and allow them all of the power over me that such a title conveys -- than I'd casually term someone a good friend.



You?? Enemy?? Ha! I've never met you. Spitting out sentence fragments to take down my internet persona doesn't constitute as an enemy. Sure you've had some good ones like suggesting I physically abuse my g/f but you never accused me of raping someone nor have you claimed I took pictures at a restricted party I wasn't even at.

Of course I'm still angry about certain things, but that's what drives me. I've always thrived on negative energy and I use it as motivation to better myself. I don't even view it as gloating as its to show how others thought they were better than they really are. Their 40 thousand a year educations bought them an office job that makes less than I do. Some of them are also still single when they thought they could have anyone they want. Think of it as not saying I'm better than anyone, but to show they're no batter than me.

That's where you and I are different. You may not care about people who've unfairly wronged you in the past, meanwhile I love it when I get to shove what I've done in life so far up their asses they puke it out along with all the other garbage they've been spewing for as long as I've known them. 

I should let a lot of things go like the high school experiences. Modern day stuff still fuels me to thrive. That's just how I am.


----------



## Dmitra

Dear Everything,

Sometimes I feel so full of things to say I think writing the alphabet is the only way to get it all out.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Sincerely,
M


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

TraciJo67 said:


> So I'm an "enemy", too?
> 
> Kevin, you really need to think about how you define that term. You're actually allowing your "enemies" too much power over you, in that clearly you are still bitter and angry.
> 
> We haven't always seen eye to eye (well, ok .. never have) but I don't think of you in terms of "enemy" or "friend". I dislike many of the opinions that you express, including the gloating evidenced above, particularly since many of the situations you're so gleeful about are probably extremely painful for the people involved. I can't say I'd gloat if something bad happened to you, Kevin. I'd feel badly for you. I'm serious. I can't wish bad things for anyone, not even for people whom I despise. Not even for the rare few whom I've allowed the opportunity to really, really hurt me.
> 
> I wasn't a popular kid in school, either. Some really made my life hell. My own life hasn't turned into any kind of conventional "success" story, with exception to how I define it: I love, and I'm loved. Lifetime Movie Network schmaltz or not (and clearly, it is ), the only events in my life that have ever brought lasting happiness are evident only in the relationships that I've nurtured. Even if I wanted to gloat about how the lives of those few people who tormented me in high school turned out, in reality, most of them are no better off and certainly in no worse shape than I am. We all have problems and challenges to overcome. I find no comfort in gloating about truly heartbreaking circumstances for anyone, friend or foe.
> 
> And most people, Kevin, can count their "enemies" on one hand with 4 or even all 5 fingers down. Sure, I dislike the behaviors of some people but I'd no more consider them an enemy -- and allow them all of the power over me that such a title conveys -- than I'd casually term someone a good friend.



Exactly this. Excellent post Traci - exactly what I wanted to say.


----------



## CAMellie

Dearest Forum,

I definitely agree...it IS a lovely day today.

Love,
Melanie


----------



## penguin

Dear Bel,

Don't ask me to raise your child and then undermine my authority, especially in front of her. I always supported your parenting decisions even if I disagreed with them. You hate other people doing that to you, so why are you doing it to me?


----------



## Mathias

Dear D,

You almost gave me a heart attack this morning!

Yours,

Hates April Fools Day.


----------



## penguin

Dear uterus,

Please stop trying to kill me. I do not appreciate being strangled, especially not from the inside.


----------



## Frankie

TraciJo67 said:


> So I'm an "enemy", too?
> 
> Kevin, you really need to think about how you define that term. You're actually allowing your "enemies" too much power over you, in that clearly you are still bitter and angry.
> 
> We haven't always seen eye to eye (well, ok .. never have) but I don't think of you in terms of "enemy" or "friend". I dislike many of the opinions that you express, including the gloating evidenced above, particularly since many of the situations you're so gleeful about are probably extremely painful for the people involved. I can't say I'd gloat if something bad happened to you, Kevin. I'd feel badly for you. I'm serious. I can't wish bad things for anyone, not even for people whom I despise. Not even for the rare few whom I've allowed the opportunity to really, really hurt me.
> 
> I wasn't a popular kid in school, either. Some really made my life hell. My own life hasn't turned into any kind of conventional "success" story, with exception to how I define it: I love, and I'm loved. Lifetime Movie Network schmaltz or not (and clearly, it is ), the only events in my life that have ever brought lasting happiness are evident only in the relationships that I've nurtured. Even if I wanted to gloat about how the lives of those few people who tormented me in high school turned out, in reality, most of them are no better off and certainly in no worse shape than I am. We all have problems and challenges to overcome. I find no comfort in gloating about truly heartbreaking circumstances for anyone, friend or foe.
> 
> And most people, Kevin, can count their "enemies" on one hand with 4 or even all 5 fingers down. Sure, I dislike the behaviors of some people but I'd no more consider them an enemy -- and allow them all of the power over me that such a title conveys -- than I'd casually term someone a good friend.



Well said.

And with all the "I win," I can't resist adding this:

View attachment 91902


----------



## CleverBomb

Dear Weather;

Look, could you manage maybe three days in a row of decent weather?
I mean, snow coming up on Sunday? Again? Really?

-Rusty


----------



## shinyapple

CleverBomb said:


> Dear Weather;
> 
> Look, could you manage maybe three days in a row of decent weather?
> I mean, snow coming up on Sunday? Again? Really?
> 
> -Rusty



Rusty -

SHHHHHHHHHH! We've had gorgeous, sunny, nearly seventy-ish degree weather for two days in a row. Don't complain or karma will take it away.

Signed, 
Driving With the Windows Down


----------



## CleverBomb

shinyapple said:


> Rusty -
> 
> SHHHHHHHHHH! We've had gorgeous, sunny, nearly seventy-ish degree weather for two days in a row. Don't complain or karma will take it away.
> 
> Signed,
> Driving With the Windows Down


Good point. 

-Rusty
(runs out to get in a little more motorcycle time while the good weather holds out)


----------



## luscious_lulu

Id add just one thing. The most powerful thing you can do to people who have wronged you is forgive them. You don't have to like them or even speak to them, but forgiving lets you move on.



TraciJo67 said:


> So I'm an "enemy", too?
> 
> Kevin, you really need to think about how you define that term. You're actually allowing your "enemies" too much power over you, in that clearly you are still bitter and angry.
> 
> We haven't always seen eye to eye (well, ok .. never have) but I don't think of you in terms of "enemy" or "friend". I dislike many of the opinions that you express, including the gloating evidenced above, particularly since many of the situations you're so gleeful about are probably extremely painful for the people involved. I can't say I'd gloat if something bad happened to you, Kevin. I'd feel badly for you. I'm serious. I can't wish bad things for anyone, not even for people whom I despise. Not even for the rare few whom I've allowed the opportunity to really, really hurt me.
> 
> I wasn't a popular kid in school, either. Some really made my life hell. My own life hasn't turned into any kind of conventional "success" story, with exception to how I define it: I love, and I'm loved. Lifetime Movie Network schmaltz or not (and clearly, it is ), the only events in my life that have ever brought lasting happiness are evident only in the relationships that I've nurtured. Even if I wanted to gloat about how the lives of those few people who tormented me in high school turned out, in reality, most of them are no better off and certainly in no worse shape than I am. We all have problems and challenges to overcome. I find no comfort in gloating about truly heartbreaking circumstances for anyone, friend or foe.
> 
> And most people, Kevin, can count their "enemies" on one hand with 4 or even all 5 fingers down. Sure, I dislike the behaviors of some people but I'd no more consider them an enemy -- and allow them all of the power over me that such a title conveys -- than I'd casually term someone a good friend.


----------



## Scorsese86

Dear dad,

It's always a "pleasure" when you call. It's nice you're done with your monthly call this early. 
Your monthly interogations are always the same, probably why they are monthly. Second, it's always nice to know it's ok for you to have a drink, but it's forbidden for me, who is turning 25 this year, to never taste alcohol. And it's always fun that you ask me how my brother is doing it, and that you never bother to call him once a month.

It's always nice when you ask me how school is going, then, interrupting me when I have started talking, to tell about your "exciting" life. And once again, you ask me if I need some cash, and, as always, I say no. Even though I am running a bit short of cash these days, (but I never tell you that). I don't want you to pay me for your guilty coincidence, even though I need the cash.

Yours,
Ivan


----------



## penguin

Dear Bel,

I'm really disappointed and pissed off with your actions. We've been friends nearly 30 years so I think I've earnt the right to tell you how it is when other people would be afraid to, and for you to listen to me when I tell you some hard truths.

Your overreaction may end our friendship.


----------



## penguin

Dear Buttmunch,

I thought last week's reading of Horton Hears A Who was the dullest thing I'd ever heard. You surpassed that this week with Horton doing things with an egg. I never thought anyone could make Dr Seuss boring, but you've done it. Just how can _you _- someone who loves the sound of his own voice and can go on and on and on and on about all sorts of crap - be so bad at reading a kid's book? I had to keep reminding our daughter to listen to you, though she wanted to draw and play with whatever was on my desk. Skyping with you is dull enough as it is, as you've yet to learn how to talk and interact with her without me prodding you into conversation.

Get a personality.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

penguin said:


> Dear Buttmunch,
> 
> I thought last week's reading of Horton Hears A Who was the dullest thing I'd ever heard. You surpassed that this week with Horton doing things with an egg. I never thought anyone could make Dr Seuss boring, but you've done it. Just how can _you _- someone who loves the sound of his own voice and can go on and on and on and on about all sorts of crap - be so bad at reading a kid's book? I had to keep reminding our daughter to listen to you, though she wanted to draw and play with whatever was on my desk. Skyping with you is dull enough as it is, as you've yet to learn how to talk and interact with her without me prodding you into conversation.
> 
> Get a personality.



My boys love the old Chuck Jones cartoon of the Horton Egg book (you can't find it online anymore so I recommend DVD or reruns), so I read it to them in the applicable voices. They love the sneeze effects.


----------



## penguin

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> My boys love the old Chuck Jones cartoon of the Horton Egg book (you can't find it online anymore so I recommend DVD or reruns), so I read it to them in the applicable voices. They love the sneeze effects.



I'm sure she'd love the story if it was read properly! I still can't get over how bad he is at it.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

penguin said:


> I'm sure she'd love the story if it was read properly! I still can't get over how bad he is at it.



Is it William F. Buckley bad or James Brown bad?


----------



## penguin

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Is it William F. Buckley bad or James Brown bad?



It's "I've finally found a cure for my insomnia" bad. I have never heard a children's book read in such a mind numbing manner. Apart from when he did it the week before.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Caesar's Paradise Stream Pocono Resort,

I realize that you've passed your prime but I've always loved cheese so even if you didn't have a 'jungle room' at least I could count on the heart shaped jacuzzi and round king-size bed with the mirrored headboard and working fireplace perfect for snuggling with my roomie (yeah that's what I'm calling him now) and I wasn't disappointed!

The bed had an amazing pillow-top with tons of plump giant pillows, the room was immaculately clean (I'm not so stupid as to bring a black-light but it looked awesome to the naked eye) and rest assured, this SSBBW did not only fit into that big heart full of bubbles but also slipped and slid to her heart's content with her rubber duckies and at least a quart of bubble bath and split of champagne while her um...roomie did whatever it is he does whenever he's near a casino. 

So...everything was copacetic and actually quite funny when the couple next to us at that yummy dinner offered us a tour of their suite (which perplexed roomie since we have the same suite) and later when roomie went out while I was floating around with my tub toys and ran into them again and they said, "We REALLY like your wife and the invitation to come over is still open <wink wink>" and then later at the lounge when we saw that band and the guy came over and kissed my hand and roomie was STILL perplexed and I had to explain it to him and he said completely serious, 'No one is having sex with my wife' and I said, 'Yeah, no shit' and rolled my eyes and THAT'S when the pain kicked in and I ran into the beautifully appointed bathroom where I laid on the floor for the better part of the night. 

When I was in the gift shop I thought for sure I was getting one of those cute white teddy bears for a souvenir but no, I got something even more personal. Food poisoning. THANKS! Oh and I heard from one of your own staff members that a couple hundred other guests got the same thing so stomach flu my ass. Ow ow owie. 

Signed painfully,
No Love For You

P.S. Yeah, there WAS a teddy bear hanging there by the door but no I have no idea what happened to it or why there's a hole in the ceiling where a hook used to be. Never mind the big lump in my purse. That's a bottle of Pepto.


----------



## danielson123

Dear Buffalo Wild Wings of Greensburg, PA,

If you ever, and I mean EVER decide to turn off a pay-per-view I'm watching and decide to wait 15 minutes to get it back only for it to not be in HD, we're going to have some serious problems.

Yours,
Dan

P.S. - Kindly increase the size of your wings and learn how to count to 50 instead of 43.


----------



## rg770Ibanez

Dear right arm, 

You suck at life. 
Sincerely, 
The rest of your body


----------



## KHayes666

Dear you,

You're congratulating a high school dropout (who you also praised for doing that) for getting pregnant at 15?

Some things never change. You're almost a year older than me and you still hang out with kids that were in elementary school when we graduated.

Keep it classy

Signed,

T.R.P.


----------



## Linda

A because it's the first letter of your first name and because you are a ginormous A-hole!

So here goes...

Dear A,

Who do you think you are? 

Let's look at the facts just so your given any benefit of all doubt.

1. Yes, there was a time where you were one of Renee's closest friends but at the time of her death you were estranged and hadn't spoken in quite some time.

2. Yes, you were dating Renee's, Cousin J at the time of her death which gave you access to the funeral and all of the family. It was nice of you to go and pay your respects and let by gones be by gones.

3. Yes, you helped make the picture/music video for the funeral, and yes it turned out great and everyone thanked you over and over. 

But that just wasn't enough for you was it?

All the family wants is a copy of the video so they can show other family and friends. So they can watch it whenever they are really missing her. So they can watch it in private if they want and cry or yell or whatever. You're holding onto it as if it gives you some sort of power over Cousin J.

4. I am sorry you and Cousin J are no longer together and you haven't been able to understand why? Without me typing it out, you know exactly why that is, you just don't care. You could have had everything your heart desired but you screwed it all up. You did it yourself.

You think by keeping all of those pictures and that video from the family who is hurting over the loss of their loved one keeps you connected to Cousin J? You think it gives you a full hand of cards and eventually he will crawl back to you.

Not going to happen.

Also, on Renee's memorial facebook page, kudos to you for being the most inconciderate poster. Really? Your favorite memory of you and Renee was the day you crashed your car with her? You posted that for her family to read two months after her beautiful body was ripped apart in a horrific car accident? *shakes my head*

I think that all of these things you have done just exposes you as the controlling, selfish, pathetic, classless, uncaring piece of crap that you are. You should be ashamed of yourself. You are not a good person. Not at all. 

You learned nothing from our friend Renee did you. In her short life she lived her life to the fullest and lived it well. She was forgiving and kind-hearted. She cared more about making another feel special than her own feelings in times of need. She genuinly cared for everyone she knew and I am so grateful that I knew someone like her in my lifetime. 

You can shove your self-serving plan up your ass. The video has been ripped and saved. The pictures have all been saved. They are all where they belong....with the mourning members of Renee's family. I am sure it will dawn on you one day that no one has called you in a while crying and begging you to send them the video and pictures. They won't need to, and all they know is that the anonymous package they received in the mail today contained what they have been begging you for for months now. You are now obsolete.

You see A-hole. The difference between me and you is. I know me. I like me. And I do not need others to validate me and pat me on the back for the niceties that I do. I do them because I genuinly care about people. I don't need my name attached to something in order to know I did the right thing and it helped someone through their pain.

I feel sorry for you. You will never know how amazing life can truly be.

Oh and by the way, were you really that surprised to find out that Cousin J and I are back together? The thought of me always threatened you because deep down you know that he and I just work. We are good together. Timing might have been a little off for us before but this time I think we are right on time. Our happiness together has a far greater effect on you than any mean thing I could regurgitate out of my mouth at you. Quite frankly, your just not worth it.

Sincerely,

Me


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Wild Wings Cafe of Jacksonville, FL:

When are you having the next free beer and concert with X102.9? I thoroughly enjoyed the last one, and your boneless wings are a lot like the B-dub's i last ate at somewhere else.. i could eat 16 and not feel full. Touche! 

Sincerely yours, - heyyou


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Friends and Family,

She's not a horrible person, sure she's done some fucked up things but who hasn't, eh? 

Just...like... Back off my kool-aid, Gsus, She's my friend, and your just gonna have to deal. She's been my friend since we were in diapers, and she'll always be my friend.


----------



## Jes

mcbeth said:


> Dear Vardon_Grip and snuggletiger,
> 
> Maybe I will go the CPA route next year. You both make a good point.
> 
> mcbeth



I'm thinking of doing it next year; I'm planning on selling off some stock and while I can handle Sched. D (Capital gains long-and short-term distributions) right now, after that many sales of telecomm stock, and cashing in my gov't bonds, I'm just not sure I want to deal. 

I'm assuming that TTax figures Sched M for you? I didn't know about it last year and the gov't actually send me a check for the $400 I didn't claim!


----------



## Saoirse

dear self-

you look pretty groovy today. go out and spread peace, light and love. :happy:

love me


----------



## snuggletiger

Jes said:


> I'm thinking of doing it next year; I'm planning on selling off some stock and while I can handle Sched. D (Capital gains long-and short-term distributions) right now, after that many sales of telecomm stock, and cashing in my gov't bonds, I'm just not sure I want to deal.
> 
> I'm assuming that TTax figures Sched M for you? I didn't know about it last year and the gov't actually send me a check for the $400 I didn't claim!



Dear Jes/Hasselhof amiga
Telecom stocks aren't a bad deal. Maybe hold on to the stocks and borrow Uncle Sugar's money to swing the whole college/edumacation racket.
Signed
the tiger who hates cold weather


----------



## SMA413

Dear Danny-
Your enthusiasm was really cute at first. Now it's annoying. I'm trying to think of nice ways to say the same thing over and over again. You know I just had surgery on Monday, so I can't really do much over the next couple days. Just sit tight and we'll hang out again when I'm back to 100%... unless you keep pestering me.
Thanks so much!
Samantha


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Sam
Hope you feel better.
Me

Dear ya know who you are
Maybe you should be raped so when you post about raping someone you will have a vivid frame of reference rather then "oh i was joking". Maybe its a west coast "left wing" frame of thinking but rape is never funny. 
Carry on


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Mother Nature,

I love you.
I Love You.
I LOVE YOU! 

I Love this warm breeze, and the beautiful sun, it's just so so amazing! Thank you thank you thank you a million times, thank you! These last few days are .. are .. just an amazing gift, thank you! :wubu: :bow: :wubu: 

Sincerely,
Moi.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear Chest Pain,

Go the fuck away.

Signed,

Want my old chest back


Dear New Dr.

Please see me as a person first and a fat person second.

Please treat my symptoms...not any symptoms or disorders you may project on me because of my size. You have the numbers from the hospital. Perfect Chloesterol, blood pressure, kidneys and liver function. 

Please allow us to work together to find the appropriate treatment plan. You may be the expert in medicine, but I am the expert in Misty and I've lived in this body long enough to know most of it's ins and outs.

Please do not dismiss the questions and concerns I will be asking. 

Please do not try to disguise fat hatred behind "medical advise." I will call you out and just know that I will never go on a crash diet on the advice of anyone.

Lastly, please note that I'm doing the best I can. My blood sugar has decreased dramatically in the last 3 weeks and I want this trend to continue. I need encouragement and affirmation that what I am doing is working because it is the right plan for me.

Thanks,
Misty


----------



## CAMellie

To The P. Family,

Adrian and I have been together for three years. YEARS...not months. During that time every single one of you have had many an opportunity to get to know me better. Instead you pretend like I don't exist. We have been engaged for a year now. All of a sudden it's a huge shock to the lot of you. "What? Getting married?" Yes, we are getting married. Very soon, as a matter of fact. 
Adrian carefully explained to all of you what he expects...an apology. You ignored that as well. A few of you have managed to get petty pot-shots in - "her", "that environment", "your piece of ass in Rancho" (which is especially funny since we LIVE together!), and L.'s classic "that big, fat, lazy, manipulative nobody". That one almost got you punched in the mouth, buddy. You have no idea how close it was. Seriously.
The fact that Adrian has learned that he doesn't have to report EVERY single aspect of his life to you has really pissed you off. Our finances are none of your concern, our age difference doesn't bother us and so is none of your concern. Adrian has chosen to get his degree in a subject that you don't approve of...APPROVE OF??? Are you effing kidding me? The man is 26 years old and does NOT need your approval - for anything!
So go ahead and play your snarky little games - putting up shocked comments on his Facebook page, trying the guilt trip "Man, you're really upsetting the parents and they're not getting any younger" card, and blaming me for "turning him against you". Yes...I admit it...I am really Yoko Ono. 
It's happening. Get over it...or don't. 

Melanie M. (soon to be Melanie P.)

P.S. It's really gonna put a twist in your drawers when you realize that Adrian will be a step-father...and grandfather. How do you like them apples?


----------



## Yakatori

That guy in white corolla,

Yeah, that was your girl I was sweatin Her eye-rolls and giggling and smirk make my heart ache. Yes, I do realize that my mean-muggin and car-dancing is very lame, especially in the context of a guy directing it toward a car with another dude in it. Honestly, I think the problem was that I was listening to Jennifer Lopezs _Get Right_ at the time. Its something Ive been working on for some time and will continue to work on in the future. But, most importantly, I really meant no disrespect by any of this, as you ought to realize that I couldnt see around her to notice you leaning back in the passenger seat.

Regards,
me


----------



## SMA413

snuggletiger said:


> Dear Sam
> Hope you feel better.
> Me



Dear snuggletiger-
I'm feeling much better, thanks. 
Me


Dear Popcorn Indiana Co.
I'm having a love affair with your drizzled cinnamon sugar kettle corn. As it is, we haven't left my bed yet. If it had a pulse and a penis, I'd marry it in a heart beat. Just wanted to make my intentions clear.
Thoroughly enamored,
Samantha


----------



## SMA413

Sorry, double post.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Lab,

When you tell a regular patient not to eat after 8PM, make them wait to draw blood after 12PM the next day, it's all over their chart that they're anemic and their last bp was 90/60, and you're pulling 5 big tubes and 5 a little less big tubes of blood out of her, and she says three times, I'm really lightheaded, why so surprised when she passes out? PS--thanks for the juice boxes! Yummy.

Love, 
Bubbles


----------



## The Fez

Dear co-worker-that-ran-a-query-on-my-work-report-in-an-effort-to-get-me-fired-and-fucked-up-the-process-so-it-looked-like-I'd-done-virtually-no-work-over-the-past-FOUR-FUCKING-MONTHS


FUCK.



YOU.


With love,

Fez


----------



## shinyapple

Dear Pancreas, 

I get it. I do. We are no longer meant to have a cordial relationship. You tortured me for a few years, violated me in every possible way, and once I realized you were the culprit behind it all...I was forced to take action.

Yes, you serve an important purpose. I understand you don't like to be toyed with. However, please keep in mind...you nearly killed me, you despicable little fucker! You had at least three years to get back in line and do something about your little parasite of a tumor, but no. You backed me into a corner and in order for me to come out alive, I had to do it. Your little tail and its passenger had to come out. It was my only choice, but it worked in my favor. Or...I thought it did.

Now you torment me in other ways. I know what goes up must come down, but can you please cooperate and let it happen in more pleasant ways? Keep in mind that I see The Good Doctor again next Monday and if you don't please me or behave, I'll ask him to give me more drugs...new drugs...or possibly go back to the needles if you can't work with me here.

I'd tell you to kiss my ass, but you're already having violent sex with my kidneys and I'm not sure any other body parts can handle your revenge right now. I've given you long enough and it's time for you to play nice. 

Oh, and by the way...I still hate you, you evil bastard, and I'll find a way to make you pay for this scar. Have a great week though!

Kiss Kiss, 
The Management


----------



## SMA413

In the theme of letters to anatomy-


Dearest Neck-
I'm quite sorry that you had to be manipulated last week when I had to have some repairs done on your upstairs neighbor, my ear. But this gigantic knot that has since formed is pretty ridiculous. Please get your panties out of a twist and calm the hell down. For now, I'll have to attack you with a heating pad and some muscle rub stuff that smells awful. You are not high on my list of favorite body parts right now.
Annoyed-
Samantha


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Boston Globe,

When the fire alarm goes off, aren't your employees supposed to evacuate the building?

One of these days there's gonna be a real fire and if anyone makes it out alive, you're going to have lawsuits up whatevers left of your ass.


----------



## Mathias

Dear ______

Leave my friend the hell alone. 

-Matt


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Sis-
I am NOT going to explain or defend myself to you anymore. Its a waste of my time. I told you several years ago that your daughter was saying nasty vulgar things to me under her breath. You didn't believe me until she went all ape crazy explosive with vulgar profanities in front of our mother. I told you that she has violent tendencies. You didn't believe me until she was shaking her little sister by the throat at the top of the stairs. Had she let go, your little one would either be dead or paralyzed. In the past two months your daughter has been harassing me, physically attacking me, saying vulgar things to me and flat out lying. So when you come to my door and say, "Did you flip off my daughter today?" I am not going to answer you. (especially when I didn't leave my room at all and any conversation I had with anyone was with an adult). It won't do me any good to deny that I did or defend myself because your daughter has you snowed into believing everything that she says is true, even when it isn't and you KNOW it is not true. To you she does no wrong...so I will not argue with you in trying to defend myself for something I did not do in the first place. Go find yourself another person to harass cos I am done. 
Sign me,
Finally free, Terri.


----------



## CleverBomb

shinyapple said:


> Dear Pancreas,
> 
> I get it. I do. We are no longer meant to have a cordial relationship. You tortured me for a few years, violated me in every possible way, and once I realized you were the culprit behind it all...I was forced to take action.
> 
> Yes, you serve an important purpose. I understand you don't like to be toyed with. However, please keep in mind...you nearly killed me, you despicable little fucker! You had at least three years to get back in line and do something about your little parasite of a tumor, but no. You backed me into a corner and in order for me to come out alive, I had to do it. Your little tail and its passenger had to come out. It was my only choice, but it worked in my favor. Or...I thought it did.
> 
> Now you torment me in other ways. I know what goes up must come down, but can you please cooperate and let it happen in more pleasant ways? Keep in mind that I see The Good Doctor again next Monday and if you don't please me or behave, I'll ask him to give me more drugs...new drugs...or possibly go back to the needles if you can't work with me here.
> 
> I'd tell you to kiss my ass, but you're already having violent sex with my kidneys and I'm not sure any other body parts can handle your revenge right now. I've given you long enough and it's time for you to play nice.
> 
> Oh, and by the way...I still hate you, you evil bastard, and I'll find a way to make you pay for this scar. Have a great week though!
> 
> Kiss Kiss,
> The Management


Shiny;

Heal up and get well soon, ok?

-Rusty


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Brat,

I'm really sorry I haven't been making time for you lately. I've been so immersed in my social life with friends that you've fallen to the way-side, and that's not right. No, I won't be at home all the time like I once-was.. but I'm going to keep my promise to you, and try harder to make time for you.

I really do love you, kiddo. I just forget sometimes that you want my time too, I suck and I'm sorry. 

Sincerely,
Your Proud Big Sister.


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear Windows OS,

I'm usually fine with you. I'm not a diehard PC activist, but that's what I'm used to, and I like you, and you've been good to me. I have just one very major problem I would like to address with you...

WTF is up with it when I have to "install updates" to shut down my computer, but you don't give me any indication of whether it will be 1 update and take 1 minute, or 5 updates and take a few minutes, or (like today) TWENTY-FOUR updates. And then you put a message saying "Please do not shut down your computer" while you are taking FOREVER to install updates? You really need to let people choose just to do a few at a time, or to tell them in advance how long it's going to take so they can put it off if they're in a hurry, etc.

Get on it, Bill Gates.

Frustratedly,
mcbeth


----------



## shinyapple

CleverBomb said:


> Shiny;
> 
> Heal up and get well soon, ok?
> 
> -Rusty



Thanks Rusty! I'm actually healed, so this is all related to the aftermath and maintenance now. But I appreciate the good thoughts nonetheless...and one of these days, I still need to pop in and have a cup of late night coffee with you.


----------



## mszwebs

Dear Memphis (and possibly Nashville),

I'm a commin' for you later on today (and throughout this weekend).

You better show me a good time lol.

Love,

ME


----------



## pegz

Dear Byt,

Did you really think it would be so easy to wiggle back into my life? Not so much. I found something since the last time you were around. I found MY WORTH. I realize I AM AMAZING. I understand that YOU think it should be easy to just pick up where you dumped me off...but NOT SO FREAKIN' MUCH!
YOU MAKE ME VERY ANGRY! grrrrr

The truly amazing Peg


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dear 30 Rock,

You have been doing way too many jokes about fat people lately, which is lazy and thoughtless. Your sketch on this week's show about "Pam the overly confident morbidly obese woman" was hateful and belittling. I have "unliked" you on facebook, which is fine, because you've been getting less and less funny every year anyway.

Find some writers who don't have to rely on cheap shots, and maybe we'll talk.

Done with you,
mcbeth


----------



## The Orange Mage

Dear Chubby-Cheeked Girls,

You're killing me, here. Seriously. You're all too cute.

-Mage


----------



## CAMellie

Dear B. & T.,

Have fun discussing and planning a whole new past for yourselves. It doesn't seem to matter that YOU TWO are the ONLY ones who remember this stuff. Keep feeding off of each others' supposed "memories" but do it alone. Because nobody I know is going to corroborate them for you.

Just...shoo! I have no more time for you.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Giggles,

Zoh-my gawd, lady, you rock so hardcore! I can't believe you bought me a new pillow and sheets, but I slept better last night that I have in YEARS! .. Thanks for helping me out! :wubu: 

Lovesies you like I doesies Cupcakes,
Deathcow.


----------



## danielson123

Dear thread-viewers,

I posted a letter in The Wrestling Thread because I forgot about this thread, so I'm going to repost it at the conclusion of this letter.

Sorry for any inconvenience,
Dan

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To the formerly 'Dashing' Cody Rhodes (and whomever it else it may concern regarding his wardrobe) :

Put some God damn kneepads on. What the hell is wrong with you, you chicken-legged fuck? You're getting so hot right now, and that promo on Smackdown was awesome, but I can't fully take you seriously until you buy something to cover your knees. This is the WWE. You're on national television on a weekly basis. _ACT LIKE IT!_

Sincerely,
Dan

PS - If you're reading this and also happen to be responsible for Dolph Ziggler cutting and dyeing his hair... FUCK YOU. That's about half of everything that got this guy over, along with Vickie Guerrero and his amazing in-ring ability. Why do this? Why? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! *QUIT SCREWING WITH MY HEAD!*


----------



## 1love_emily

Dear Derek's brother Andrew,

Why did you have to procrastinate? Why couldn't you have done your essay earlier, so that I could have your brother, your computer, a Skype date tonight?

Get off the computer, please.

Love,
Emily


----------



## Dromond

Dear Liver,

You've been pretty good about behaving since you nearly killed me six years ago, but lately you seem to be getting a little uppity. This will not do. Settle down and chill out. We do not need to go down that road again, it will only lead you to being poked and prodded by invasive surgical instruments. And nobody wants that.

Sincerely,

The Rest of the Body


----------



## fatgirlflyin

Hey ________, 

You so aren't my problem anymore so please stop calling me. You called me for like a week straight fishing around, hoping I'd give you money. Not gonna happen buddy. If you want money go talk to your wife. Guess you can't do that though can you? 

Your life is difficult because you choose to make it that way, don't come crying to me about being stuck on an island when you struck every match that burned every bridge yourself. I'm not interested in hearing the lies about your relationship. You got married because you wanted to, not because you had to, and save the sob story about needing citizenship for your daughter for someone who hasn't actually gone through the citizenship process.

That's half of your problem right there. You treat people like they are stupid and expect them to just believe whatever lie you're spewing. It gets difficult though doesn't it, because after a while you forget what lie you told to what person. I should have been smarter, when you spent so much time bad mouthing someone, I should have known there was a reason you wanted to make her look bad. 

Hindsight is 20/20 and I'm blaming the last few years of my life on temporary insanity. 

Hasta!


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Girl I Saw Waddling Away Last Night,

Thanks for unintentionally teaching me to never pass up a chance to call someone beautiful. If I see you at next year's con I'll be sure to come up and tell you how awesome you looked.


Till next year,

Trapper


----------



## penguin

Hey wanker,

Firstly, talking in all caps, all the time? It's obnoxious. Secondly, your wife LEFT YOU TWO MONTHS AGO, after telling you she was going to two months before that. She has a new boyfriend. GET THE HINT. Don't take it out on me. Don't message me on facebook about it. I don't like you, I never did. I didn't tell her to leave you because you smoked pot. I told her to leave you because you constantly disrespected her, ignored her and let your children be brats. You didn't think it was a problem when your 12 year old brat PUNCHED your wife. Twice. I did. Get the hint, you loser.

No love, ever.


----------



## Mishty

Dear Family,

Thank you for including us today, complete with photos under the dogwood tree like the rest of the couples, and the way y'all took her daughter under your wings and made her so comfortable we had to bribe her to leave... You've really proved how blessed I am, and how lovely you people are. 

I love y'all so much, everyone of you.

-Misty (Puss Wellington)


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Friend

We came from similar backgrounds and have so much in common that it's almost scary. Our friendship has been amazing and I've learned a lot from you about what kind of person I want to be in this life. I love you, but as much as I love being your friend and put you in the highest esteem among the people I know...I do not want to BE you. 

I never wanted to be you. I don't want you to try to make me think like you, act like you, be like you. I am Terri. I am happy to be Terri. My parents raised me to be friendly, honest, thoughtful, considerate of others and to walk to the beat of my own drum. I admit that sometimes my drum plays an odd song here and there...but its my music. You don't have to like it. I was raised to believe in God...and I do. I was raised to have manners, think of others before I think of myself, and to never eat the last piece of bread off the table because someone might come along who needs it more than I do. I like to think that I've done a good job of being that kind of person. I was raised by parents who taught me that its okay not to keep up with the Joneses because the Joneses aren't happy cos they are trying to keep up with the Smiths. I was raised to think for myself and do what I think is right even if I get hurt in the long run for it. 

I don't wish to wear the same kind of clothes that you wear. I like my style of clothing and, btw--just because you don't agree with my style that does not mean that I don't have any style. (a comment that you've made to me which I find offensive). I've always been a free-spirit and while I admit that my style may not suit you...it does suit me. You don't have to like it, you don't have to wear the clothes that I wear but please don't try to turn me into you. I am not sure the world could handle it, and I know for a fact that I couldn't. 

I don't have the same beliefs that you do. I don't think that one person's inner pain is any worse than another's, it is only different. I have the right to feel my pain--my way, and not to have to conform it to fit your ideals. I am allowed to have my own thoughts and ideas about life. I am allowed to think that I might have wasted time with someone even if I did learn something from it. I should not have to agree with you and support your ideas all the time when I have ideas of my own. Just because you have a better job, more money, are further along in life and more successful in the business world than I am does not make you a better person than I. It only means that you worked harder. It does not give you the right to take me for granted, or treat me as an underling...because I am not. We have different ideas about what success is. That does not mean that you are right and I am wrong. It only means that we agree to disagree. 

Please just remember that I am my own person. Even though I have felt like I have been lost for a very long time, it does not mean that I won't find my way. It does not mean that I need to be "fixed". I never asked for that...and I don't want it. Please just accept me as I am, as I have accepted you that way. 


Terri


----------



## MisticalMisty

In honor of the exciting events of Friday *my birthday*, I would like to wish William and Kate many wonderful years of helping me celebrate the 29th of April *my birthday*. Feel free to forward any unwanted to gifts to my address, I will gladly take them off your hands, sell them for gazillions and buy a house. Sincerely,

Your Royal *pain in the butt*
Misty


----------



## Surlysomething

MisticalMisty said:


> In honor of the exciting events of Friday *my birthday*, I would like to wish William and Kate many wonderful years of helping me celebrate the 29th of April *my birthday*. Feel free to forward any unwanted to gifts to my address, I will gladly take them off your hands, sell them for gazillions and buy a house. Sincerely,
> 
> Your Royal *pain in the butt*
> Misty




Very clever! I tried to rep you but was denied.

Thanks for the laugh. :bow:


----------



## MisticalMisty

Surlysomething said:


> Very clever! I tried to rep you but was denied.
> 
> Thanks for the laugh. :bow:



Thanks! I was feeling really clever today!


----------



## SMA413

Dear self control/hormones-
I'm giving you a 3 day warning. Get your shit together and hold strong next week. I know it'll be sooo tempting, but try to keep it together.
- Me


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear lower back:

Please be just a twinge of indigestion from the Mexican yesterday or a strained muscle. I really don't need a kidney stone attack going into the weekend. I'd be most grateful if you respond to the standard OTC remedies so I'm not forced to seek medical care.

Toodles, 

me.


----------



## Dmitra

Extremely hurtful family member,

Thank you for your recent email. In the weeks since cutting off emotional ties to you I have felt freer than I have in 38 years.

Good luck with the rest of your pitiful life.

----------------------

Dear everyone,

Don't settle for doublethinking your way through pain and endless seeking of validation from perpetrators of violation. Whatever life means it's too precious to waste on the toxic.

Love,
M


----------



## butch

Dear capitalism,

Screw you. By design, you make it almost impossible for people to find a job with a living wage. I'm tired of you keeping the majority of us in soul destroying jobs that continue to offer us less in terms of income and benefits, and then rewarding Wall Street CEOs and Oil Company executives with million of dollars in bonuses.

If you continue to deny me the employment opportunities I deserve in order to exist at a working class level (I'm not demanding), then I will continue to divest myself of supporting your multinational global companies and their shoddily made products, as well as the political parties you prop up.

Signed,

an unemployed person with too many liberal arts degrees


----------



## 1love_emily

Dear Lover,

We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
I gotta make you understand
I'm ever gonna give you up, let you down, run around and desert you, make you cry, say goodbye or tell a lie and hurt you
We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but
You're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see
I'm ever gonna give you up, let you down, run around and desert you, make you cry, say goodbye or tell a lie and hurt you
I'm ever gonna give you up, let you down, run around and desert you, make you cry, say goodbye or tell a lie and hurt you
We've know each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but
You're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Love, Emily

PS - You just got RickRoll'd 

View attachment images.jpeg


----------



## penguin

Dear Bel,

Getting back with your ass of a husband is a big mistake. In the two years you've been with him, you talked of leaving him every few months, but you still married him. That only lasted four months before the talk of leaving him started again, and it took another two for you to decide to do it, then another two to actually do it. Now almost three months later you're going to go back to him? He hasn't changed. He's still an ass. He's been an ass to _me_. You deserve better.

love,
me.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

To my dear sweet butterfly,

Darling, I Love you. I hate to watch you suffer so. You need to let the past be the past, and focus on creating a bigger more beautiful future for yourself. With or without your boyfriend, you need to find happiness within yourself. I can't tell you what to do, only your heart knows, even if it's a confusing storm comparable to a hurricane. You're my soul sister, and you should know by now that whatever choice you make, I will back you 110%. 

Sincerely,
Death-Cow.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear kidneys and vicodin:

Thank you for kindly kicking out those freeloaders. With your help, and the help of two beers and three gallons of water, the bums were washed away.


----------



## CAMellie

My Dearest Adrian,

I know I've told you this many, Many, MANY times already...but...I AM SO VERY PROUD OF YOU!!! When I expressed concern about the cost of the wedding reception you immediately went on a job-seeking rampage and got a 2nd job. You took a huge weight off of my shoulders. Now I can relax and order everything we need for the reception.

You're amazing!

All my love forever,
your gorgeous sweetheart:wubu:


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Milan Lucic and Thomas Kaberle


Can either of you score this post-season?

Thanks.


T.R.P.


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear ex-boss,

My new job is great, and it makes me all the more happy to hear you've got huge red sores from your control briefs.

Amy


----------



## SMA413

Dearest Andrew-
We are NOT together. Therefore, you cannot judge me for the stories I tell you. Also- YOU'RE STILL MARRIED. So that means you cannot think less of me for the crazy shit that I've done in my single crazy days. So shut the hell up and go f yourself. You're a hypocritical asshole. 
-Samantha.

P.S. I've had 2 big margaritas for cinco de mayo, so yeah.


----------



## Sri Devi

fatgirlflyin said:


> Hey ________,
> 
> You so aren't my problem anymore so please stop calling me. You called me for like a week straight fishing around, hoping I'd give you money. Not gonna happen buddy. If you want money go talk to your wife. Guess you can't do that though can you?
> 
> Your life is difficult because you choose to make it that way, don't come crying to me about being stuck on an island when you struck every match that burned every bridge yourself. I'm not interested in hearing the lies about your relationship. You got married because you wanted to, not because you had to, and save the sob story about needing citizenship for your daughter for someone who hasn't actually gone through the citizenship process.
> 
> That's half of your problem right there. You treat people like they are stupid and expect them to just believe whatever lie you're spewing. It gets difficult though doesn't it, because after a while you forget what lie you told to what person. I should have been smarter, when you spent so much time bad mouthing someone, I should have known there was a reason you wanted to make her look bad.
> 
> Hindsight is 20/20 and I'm blaming the last few years of my life on temporary insanity.
> 
> Hasta!


I did not want to respond to this on this forum but the more I thought about it the more angry I got.....Please forgive me in advance, not trying to get into business, but unfortuantley I am connected to the person involved through our daughter. I hope you do get a restraining order and I have said many times you deserve so much better than dealing with this loser. I hope he is reading this and tries to threaten me with his "legal team" hahahaha, you can not even afford a pot to pee in and you have a legal tem. The lies just get more and more insane and I can not believe to go so low to now make up a child that is not a citizen...wow where did that come from!!! He does not even take care of the ones that are citizens. 

Again I apologize if my posting offends you, I am just so tired of hearing the lies and seeing so many women taken advantage of financially, emotionally and physically from this man. I have so much more to say, but will leave it at that. Again, you deserve so much more than dealing with this and your hard earned money should go to feed your kids not support a loser who will use the money to go wine and dine someone to cheat on his wife with....


----------



## penguin

Dear you,

Thank you for putting this smile on my face and the bounce in my step.

love,
me


----------



## KHayes666

Dear ESPN,

If the Heat lose tonight....your chosen ones are in big trouble.

Signed,

T.R.P.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Best Friend,

I have issues sleeping at your house... Actually, a few of them. For one, you have those box elder beetles EVERYWHERE and mice, too. You also don't have cable or internet, and I'm an insomniac... I know you really want me to stay the night, but It just makes me uber-uncomfy, mostly because I'm sick and can't sleep without my TV and my fan on me. Also? Yes, It's your birthday but I don't see why all of us have to drink, I don't plan on drinking (Especially not at THOSE prices) But I'm going to try to take as many awesome shots as possible of you, my loverly birthday girl! 

Please don't hate me too much for being such a total pussy?
Moi x


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear guys who keep leaving little sonnets in languages I don't understand, photographs of your junk in various stages of arousal (points if it's tapping one of my pics) and proclamations that GOD has told you it is our destiny to be together, in my inbox. Don't tell me you want to get to know the 'real me' and then your first question is 'how much do you weigh'. I just can't handle all that charm. I'm not your girl especially when what you really mean to say is:

(I'm not saying I'm not one, just there's no chance in hell I'll ever be yours. Peace out.)


----------



## Scorsese86

Dear money,

You know I love you, and everything you stand for. You are a true blessing.

But when you're not in my life, like right now, you are a curse. But I don't hold that against you. You will come back soon, and you know I'll treat you well.

Love,
Ivan


----------



## penguin

Dear Hopeless Romantic,

I'm what you're seeking. I won't speak to you in other languages or confuse your face with mathematical descriptions. But I will spank you while pulling your hair and wearing a Hello Kitty mask. Then we can swap.

love,
A Filthy Whore.


----------



## Mishty

ABX,

You will be mine, oh yes, you will be mine. 

Signed,

Creeper


----------



## danielson123

Dear Life,

You suck. Get it together and quit screwing with me.

Regards,
Dan


----------



## CAMellie

My Dearest Mommy,

You were right...I AM the one who fell apart and can't handle your death. I need you, mommy. You're my best friend. What am I supposed to do now that you're gone? People tell my I'll get over it and you're in a better place. BULLSHIT!!! There was no warning. One minute you were there...the next you were gone.
It hurts so very bad, mommy. I would give anything ANYTHING for one more hug and one more I love you. I desperately wish that you had listened to me all those times I begged you to go to the doctor. But you were as stubborn as ever.
They let us come in and look at you afterwards...my sisters said you looked so peaceful. BULLSHIT AGAIN! Your face looked so small and you had a scared expression. I held your face close to mine and told you not to be scared over and over. Then I kissed you, stroked your cheek, stroked your hair, rubbed your fingers in mine, and told you I love you.
I don't know what I'm going to do now without you in my life. You were the strong one, my rock, and the one with all the sage advice.

I miss you, mommy...and ALWAYS will no matter what anyone says.

Your #1 daughter


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear P,

Look, you know I love you. You know I will always be here for you. You know I will always wish for your happiness and be concerned about your well-being.

This DOES NOT mean I want to be in a relationship with you.

Sincerely,
A
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear C,

Someone who calls herself a friend doesn't rip on his friends. It just makes you look like a megabrattybitch! Quit being a twatwaffle by saying you're "looking out for him". No, if you were really doing so, you'd express your concerns privately, not on someone's Facebook wall.

Sincerely,
A


----------



## SMA413

Dearest HR depts in Baltimore area hospitals-

I'm phenomenal. Just throwing that out there. 

- An eager nurse needing a change


----------



## butch

SMA413 said:


> Dearest HR depts in Baltimore area hospitals-
> 
> I'm phenomenal. Just throwing that out there.
> 
> - An eager nurse needing a change



Dear SMA413,

If B'more doesn't pan out, there are plenty of hospitals in the DC suburbs of MD, and that would put you no more than an hour from Baltimore. Hope you find what you're looking for.

-MD born and bred, hon


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Comedian,

Yes, I did get your links and cock shots and yes I now do believe you have had your own Comedy Channel special, are very cute and have some really impressive junk. Yes, I am well aware that we easily live within driving distance of each other. Yes, I saw the Village Voice article too. Yes, I understand now you want your own personal fatty. We're all the rage and I'm their queen. Yes, you can peel me a grape. Yes, I am kinky. Yes, okay I'm very kinky. Whoa, I'm not that kinky. Dude, I don't think there's a word for that yet, is there? Yes, you can call me a goddess. No, I think I have quite enough pics of your cock now. This isn't an audition, pal. Sorry, you don't have the job. Yes, I'll let my BBW and SSBBW girlfriends in the NYC area know you want a lil sumthin sumthin. I'll even tell them to send me PM's or Facebook inbox me if they want your Yahoo ID but sorry, there's a bit of a Tucker Max whiff to you so I'm gonna have to personally pass. No, I won't change my mind. I'm a little crazy and a little fickle and a little bit 'in like' with someone else so I have to reluctantly say, thanks but no thanks.
Oh and thanks for the laughs. If you use anything I said for material, I want credit and am keeping an archive of our conversations.

Big Squooshy Hugs,
Lainey


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Whatever, 
I shouldn't have stayed up late chatting on FB and watching Caddyshack. I am paying for it now wishing I could nap in my big ginormous bed.
Sincerely
Your pal
Snuggletiger *smooshes page with paw print*


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear P,

You know my abhorrence for phone conversations most of the time. Unless you're a prospective employer, or you're my parents, or a guy I really really enjoy phone conversations with, I'm not picking up. 

I was very excited for text messaging. Why? Because I didn't have to listen to conversations about the weather or anything and I could answer at my leisure. Geez. It's going to be mostly silence anyway. 

Thanks,
Amanda


----------



## SMA413

Dear CastingPearls-
What comedian was this?? (if you can share that info )
- Nosy

-----

Dearest middle sister-

You are a crazy bitch. You're delusional too. I like that you think that you have custody of your son. Our parents have full custody because you're crazy and unfit. You can only have supervised visits!! It's hilarious that you pick and choose when you are a mother to your son. You're too disconnected from the real world. What have you been doing for the last 7 years? I'm more of a maternal figure to him than you are. You were just the slut in high school who got knocked up. You haven't taken an ounce of responsibility. Now, you're living in our house again with your 9 month old baby. Aden is old enough to see that he was neglected by you and his crazy turn in behavior lately shows it. Since you moved home, he has been acting out more. It would be so much easier for everyone if you just went away.

GDIAF.
-Samantha


----------



## Mishty

Dear Skin,

I know it's hot out, and you're getting excited, but enough with this shine please. I've been a bitch with cheap products lately, and I know I've picked up a filthy habit of half a pack a day, but this, this just won't do.

-
Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Giggles,

Why do I suddenly get the vibe you're mad at me and just not saying it? Why am I starting to secretly fear you're talking shit about me behind my back, mocking my insecurities? It better be all in my head.. 

Sincerely,
Death Cow.


----------



## darlingzooloo

Dear American Postal Service,

Thanks for not getting my overnighted package here on time (even though you had well...five nights to do so.) Now I have to explain to my professor that several model-drawings for the final project are MIA or stolen and being oogled at by some creeper. 
You're just lucky I'm a good student who never misses class and the teacher likes me, otherwise we'd be having a very nasty conversation right now. 

-L


----------



## herin

Dear house,

How come the more I clean you, the more I find to clean? Please stop being dirty.

That is all.

Sincerely, 
Erin


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear "Sweetcakes" guy

Thanks for the interest but you have nothing in your profile, no pic, no info, and you've never posted anything on these forums. Perhaps you should become a regular member of the forums before you start messaging the women here asking them to "see where things go". 
Good luck.


----------



## OIFMountaineer

Dear Alzheimer's, (Even though there is nothing "Dear" about you)

You seem to only pick fights with the best and brightest I know. Why? It's not like one is more of a challenge than the other! Now, you want to come knocking around in my neighbourhood. You son of a bitch.


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear diabetes,

Fuck you in your stupid defective islet cells. For 26 years, you've been the bane of my existence. Please, for the love of God, quit acting up. I'm sick of being sick. 

Love,
Me
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear you,

Thank you for being so patient and understanding. Thank you for liking me for me. I'm grateful that I know you and I hope to know you better some day. I want you to know how much I appreciate you. You make me feel very happy.

Love,
Me


----------



## CAMellie

Dear (and I use the term VERY loosely) family,


The next time you spend $80 to fill your fancy SUV...I hope you blow a rod. The next time you go spend $60 (or whatever) for that mani/pedi you just can't live without...I hope you get a fungal infection. The next time you talk about the new in-ground pool you're having dug in your yard and what an awesome deal you got on it...I hope they dig nothing but sinkholes.
$638.00 (excuse me..$528.00 because my fiance is working his ass off and we're doing without) and my momma will be with us forever...and my sisters and I would have peace of mind. 
My momma was always so proud of her family and how close they were when she was younger. Guess the feeling wasn't mutual and their piece of shit selves couldn't let it be known until momma died. I'm so FURIOUS right now! I just don't understand!!! How could they abandon their own sister? Their baby sister, at that. Just a ten dollar bill from each of them would cover the rest of the cost.
But no...there's that thing they just HAVE to have!


Fuck you all! Don't even think of me as a relative anymore...because I don't think of YOU as one, that's for damned sure!

P.S. For the few relatives who are standing by our side and helping us track down ways to cover expenses...I LOVE YOU!


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear kittybutt,

I recognize that you drooling on my shoulder while purring and kneading and headbutting is the ultimate "you make me feel safe and content" compliment. I just wish you'd find a slightly less gross way to express it. 

Love,

Your owner &#9829;

P.S. - That thing you did last night where you shook your head a la Beethoven the Saint Bernard and splattered drool on the wall? As epic as that was, let's not do that again. Kthx. &#9829;


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear kid at work,

No, I won't give up my hours to you. I need that money more than you do, because you still live at home and don't have to pay your own bills. If you want more hours, maybe you should work harder and learn to fill other roles than just a backroom monkey.

Thanks,
Me


----------



## KHayes666

Dear next door neighbor,

You want to blast your Usher, Ja Rule and other crap at 3 in the morning when my housemates are trying to sleep? How about a little Megadeth, Rammestein and Shaman's Harvest at 8 AM when YOU'RE trying to sleep?

That's right, keep knocking on the wall...gonna get you nowhere. To quote Greenly "Where ya goin? Fuckin nowheressss"

Signed,

T.R.P.


----------



## 1love_emily

Dear Derek/Dism4l/Boyfriend,

Please check your phone. I texted you back. I know you won't read this, but hey, it's something I can do till you text me back. Yep 

Much love, :wubu:
Your girl,
Emily/1love_emily/girlfriend


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear J,

I consider you a great blessing. I just hope you'll catch me when I fall.

With kisses,
Panda


----------



## Mishty

Dear FEMA,

As a volunteer the last week or so, has been touch and go, half the phone calls I make end in tears, and a sob story that is exactly that, because these people have a reason for sobbing, it's been rough at times hearing what I've heard. I'll be honest though, offering these people immediate help, offering them food, shelter, money, doctors,clothes, basically I offer them anything they could possibly need, and you FEMA make it happen. I've doled out thousands and thousands of dollars in DSNAP EBT cards, I've sent campers to families and a shrink to a house where a girl was so distraught and confused because she hadn't had her meds, and no one knew she took them, because her entire family was gone, no next of kin, but she answered the phone. Kimberly needed me, and you, and she's safe tonight in the hospital, with girls her age, and nurses that know she's a special needs person, she's going to get a visit from me, because wonderful Red Cross and FEMA don't mind if we get involved with the people we help, they want us to connect with the survivors. Thank you so much, I know people are going to complain, and moan about something, it's human nature, but working with you and your group of strong minded, kind hearted people has given a little more faith in humans, and my country. 

Thank You Ever So Much,
Misty "MiMi" D.H #4207331


P.S. I was serious about the shirts though people, XXL is not big enough for some of the people that want to help! People that wear far bigger sizes can help, and you took me serious and scribbled down my input, and said you had one size vests for those, and lets be honest, it didn't even fit me, Mr.Guice's response? "Point taken hun, I'll see what I can do" and he meant it.


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear fuckface,

I am not the problem here. The problem obviously lies with you. Your parents pay for your shit, I pay for your shit AND mine. The only person not paying for your shit is you. And that's because you claim you're too depressed to do anything. 

I know about about depression and I know how it can affect you, because I've been depressed. You know what helps? Getting off your butt and trying.

Sincerely,
The person who doesn't deserve your bullshit


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Giggles,

I'm glad you're taking steps to become happier with your life, that's good. However... when you dump your boyfriend, I hope you will take some time for you, yourself. Before you move on to another guy. I really do think you need to learn to be happy with yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship, I know you're an independant person.. but honey, you've got quite a few co-dependant-like tendencies. That worries me, a lot, I've seen my cousin live like that and it's just saddening.

With all the sisterly love in the world,
Death-Cow.


----------



## activistfatgirl

Dear Mishty,

I read an earlier post from you expressing sadness and frustration about not feeling strong enough to help in the disaster. And here you are...doing it. I didn't say anything then, but now I just gotta say that you ARE AWESOME and it makes me feel extremely proud to be alive all the way up here in the north knowing you're helping out and saving people like Kimberly.

Serious, way to show us how it's done. You knew it was going to take a toll on you, but you did it. Imagine what the world would be like if we all made that same decision whenever the feelings nagged us. <3

AFG


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

AFG said it perfectly - Mish, darlin,' you are a hero and an inspiration. <3 you. :wubu:


----------



## Dmitra

activistfatgirl said:


> Dear Mishty,
> 
> I read an earlier post from you expressing sadness and frustration about not feeling strong enough to help in the disaster. And here you are...doing it. I didn't say anything then, but now I just gotta say that you ARE AWESOME and it makes me feel extremely proud to be alive all the way up here in the north knowing you're helping out and saving people like Kimberly.
> 
> Serious, way to show us how it's done. You knew it was going to take a toll on you, but you did it. Imagine what the world would be like if we all made that same decision whenever the feelings nagged us. <3
> 
> AFG





BigBeautifulMe said:


> AFG said it perfectly - Mish, darlin,' you are a hero and an inspiration. <3 you. :wubu:




Tritto, beautiful Mishty. I'd give you some humble, inadequate rep but I got you too soon ago.


----------



## KHayes666

OIFMountaineer said:


> Dear Alzheimer's, (Even though there is nothing "Dear" about you)
> 
> You seem to only pick fights with the best and brightest I know. Why? It's not like one is more of a challenge than the other! Now, you want to come knocking around in my neighbourhood. You son of a bitch.




I'm with you on that.

My grandfather called me my uncle's name, called my uncle his long deceased brothers name and finished by calling my other uncle my previously mentioned uncle's name in the span of 20 minutes.

This was one of the most powerful men at the Herald back in the 70's and it hurts me almost to tears to see him like this.

Father Time is undefeated and evil.


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Dear Harold Camping,

You sir, are an idiot! I can't wait to hear what sort of explanation you will have for why the Rapture did not happen again. Third time is a charm?!

Remember the fable of the Boy Who Cried Wolf? Mmhmm--Well no one believes a liar, even when he speaks the truth!

Better luck next time, buddy!

Kiss It,
Madison


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear Universe,

Stop with the kicking already. My mind and body can't take any more.

Love,
Me


----------



## SMA413

Dear love sick teenagers-
You make me want to vomit. Try not being so blatant and desperate. The big kids would appreciate it greatly.
- The rest of the grown up world
and Dims.


----------



## Blackjack

SMA413 said:


> Dear love sick teenagers-
> You make me want to vomit. Try not being so blatant and desperate. The big kids would appreciate it greatly.
> - The rest of the grown up world
> and Dims.



In case anyone needed a reminder of why you're awesome? This is a good one.


----------



## SMA413

Blackjack said:


> In case anyone needed a reminder of why you're awesome? This is a good one.



Haha- thank you very much


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear former classmate:

My making a comment on a mutual friend's FB wall doesn't constitute "butting into our conversation!". Being told to "go away and be with your fat wife" didn't help your case, either.

My response, "it's good to see how you've matured since junior high" was met with a wonderful challenge to have a fistfight in the school parking lot. Not sure what you were drinking or smoking last night, or whether you're simply still this much of a douchebag after 24 years, but maybe now you see why I didn't "friend" you six months ago. You have all the appeal of flyblown dogshit.


----------



## penguin

Dear sleep, 

Please come back.

Dear eyelash,

Please don't bend that way. It hurts.


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear Dad,

I love you, but I don't like you. 

Love,
Your eldest daughter (despite the many years of you pretending not)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear me,

It's OK to be apprehensive. It's not OK to distance/limit yourself because you're apprehensive. Also, everything works out one way or another. They always have, so there's no reason to think that'll change.

Love,
me


----------



## Sweetie

Dear Barefoot Sweet Red Wine,

Thank you so much for making my legs all warm and tingly and my arms all warm and floaty. I needed you and you came through for me.

Sweetie soon asleepy...


----------



## CAMellie

Not So Dear Brain,

PLEASE stop torturing me with dreams full of memories!!

Me


Definitely NOT Dear Reality,

FUCK OFF! I HATE YOU! SERIOUSLY!

Me


----------



## luvbigfellas

My dearest aunt,

Thank you for always being so kind to me, even more so than my own mother at times. You're an amazing aunt and I'm a very lucky niece!

Love,
Your niece


----------



## SMA413

Dear Cheesecake Factory red velvet cake-

You were delicious at 4:30AM. 

- My tummy 

-----

Dear whoever was dumb enough to leave delicious Cheesecake Factory leftovers in the fridge unguarded-

Serves you right. 

- Me


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear 2nd Grade Teacher:

I saw the smile on your face at my son's last day yesterday, which seemed a lot like "uggh, finally he's gone." Granted we bent over backwards the entire year trying to mitigate his behaviors in class, recommend options to you for improving his focus and assisting with reminders for homework he was more than capable of doing when called to task - most of which fell on deaf ears. All the while this involved juggling his moods, medical side effects and a general feeling of undeserved worthlessness from him that I can't even begin to explain to you. 

He's sad and missing all his other instructors except for you, and I daresay you won't shed one crocodile tear over it. Fine, but woe betide any future ADHD kids who wind up in your class. Here's hoping that his 3rd grade at a new school with a new teacher will confirm what we've been telling him: Sometimes teachers just don't care. Enjoy that tenure, you've earned it. 

Sincerely,

A dad who does give a shit


----------



## OIFMountaineer

SMA413 said:


> Dear Cheesecake Factory red velvet cake-
> 
> You were delicious at 4:30AM.
> 
> - My tummy
> 
> -----
> 
> Dear whoever was dumb enough to leave delicious Cheesecake Factory leftovers in the fridge unguarded-
> 
> Serves you right.
> 
> - Me



The refrigerator ninja strikes again!


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear girl I love,

I missed you so much when you left me here, and now I think I am losing you completely and I don't know what I've done. I still want to share that porch with you one day 

Love Kimberly


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear niecey,

I promise, auntie will hang with you and mama this summer! I miss you both!

Love,
Auntie Panda

----------------------------------------------------
Dear R,

I pray to God that I will get to see you again one day. If I do, I will consider it one of the greatest blessings of my life.

Love,
A
----------------------------------------------------
Dear T,
I miss you every day. I really wish I could have met you.
Love,
your very unprepared mom


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear people that also put in an offer on the property I WANT:


Don't make me hurt you 


Crazy lady that just might slap a bitch


----------



## KHayes666

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear 2nd Grade Teacher:
> 
> I saw the smile on your face at my son's last day yesterday, which seemed a lot like "uggh, finally he's gone." Granted we bent over backwards the entire year trying to mitigate his behaviors in class, recommend options to you for improving his focus and assisting with reminders for homework he was more than capable of doing when called to task - most of which fell on deaf ears. All the while this involved juggling his moods, medical side effects and a general feeling of undeserved worthlessness from him that I can't even begin to explain to you.
> 
> He's sad and missing all his other instructors except for you, and I daresay you won't shed one crocodile tear over it. Fine, but woe betide any future ADHD kids who wind up in your class. Here's hoping that his 3rd grade at a new school with a new teacher will confirm what we've been telling him: Sometimes teachers just don't care. Enjoy that tenure, you've earned it.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> A dad who does give a shit



How old was the teacher?

Without going into a long winded story about my own ADD past, let's just say veteran teachers have a better chance of dealing with troubled kids than rookies fresh out of college.

Hopefully the 3rd grade teacher has a lot more patience.


----------



## Surlysomething

KHayes666 said:


> How old was the teacher?
> 
> Without going into a long winded story about my own ADD past, let's just say veteran teachers have a better chance of dealing with troubled kids than rookies fresh out of college.
> 
> Hopefully the 3rd grade teacher has a lot more patience.




The average teacher also has a way too large of a classroom. The are underfunded. Under-supported. If they have to take more than the average amount of time with one student, the rest suffer. I understand that most parents can't afford private schools or 'special' schools, but public schools don't have the resources for so many ADD/ADHD/special needs kids. It's just a fact.


----------



## SMA413

Dear Trifecta-

Ugh, you're so friggin' perfect, it kills me. I'm waiting for something to happen though- some flaw to make itself apparent, some reason not to be so crazy about you. This flaw needs to show up soon so I don't get too far deep too fast. I knew that getting into this was going to be casual, on a time limit, and involves a slew of minor complications. I didn't think I'd be so twitterpated over you. But the idea of leaving in a week is killing me. I guess I'll have to keep myself in check for the next week. Can't wait to see you on Thursday though. 

- Me


----------



## rellis10

Dear plane somewhere over the Atlantic and gods of the UK travel system,

Please bring my love down to earth in one piece, and guide her safely to Oxford with no trouble.

Much appreciated,
Rick


----------



## AuntHen

rellis10 said:


> Dear plane somewhere over the Atlantic and gods of the UK travel system,
> 
> Please bring my love down to earth in one piece, and guide her safely to Oxford with no trouble.
> 
> Much appreciated,
> Rick



I hope she made it safe rellis


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear cosmos,

Help me to be more forgiving, more patient, more understanding. Help me to stay strong despite the people who seem determined to break my spirit. Help me to stay strong despite the seemingly constant bullshit parade. Help me to be kind to others, even if they're not always kind to me.

Help me to get there safely someday. So that, even if things don't go the way I want them to exactly, I'll have experienced something I'll appreciate for as long as I live. I know I'm a better person for all the people I've met, no matter what good or bad things happen.

Love,
Me


----------



## Robbie_Rob

Dear me,

...................i'm sorry.


----------



## penguin

Dear ovaries,

WTF are you doing? Why are you hurting? I'm not enjoying this. You're not meant to be doing anything like this right now. Please stop the twanging.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Art Journaling

thank you for kickstarting my creativity, I now have another addiction to add to my other creative endevours. You got me attempting to draw again something other than bear patterns I have not done in many years

I think I love you even if it is early days

love
me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Person/s, 

I know what you've done, and you'd better watch out.
You may play about but I highly doubt you know exactly what you're dealing with.


Sincerely,
Protected with Love.


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear Wisconsin,

FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING CRAPPYASS WEATHER PATTERNS. IT'S ALMOST FUCKING SUMMER, GET YOUR FUCKING ASS IN GEAR.

Love,
Me
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Amber,

I want this job. I'd be awesome at it.

Love,
Me


----------



## SMA413

Dear State of Texas/Susan D. Reed-

While I appreciate your letter extending "victim's assistance" to me, I do not appreciate the giant black stamped "VICTIM ASSISTANCE" across the front of the envelope for everyone and their mother to see. I also wish that receiving this piece of mail didn't reopen wounds that had almost healed.

I know you meant well.
Thank you-
Someone who never thought I'd have to deal with this situation.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

luvbigfellas said:


> Dear Wisconsin,
> 
> FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING CRAPPYASS WEATHER PATTERNS. IT'S ALMOST FUCKING SUMMER, GET YOUR FUCKING ASS IN GEAR.
> 
> Love,
> Me
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Amber,
> 
> I want this job. I'd be awesome at it.
> 
> Love,
> Me


Dear Luv,

I completely know what you're talking about, and if you'd like to start a chain of people to physically attempt a swift Kick to natures ass, sign me up!

Sincerely,
Fellow sufferer of our confused weather here.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear God, It's me Caroline,

I wanted that property so badly....and was sure I had it. I know I am blessed beyond belief....I just still hope there is a way for me to get it. Is it wrong of me to hope the other people don't get the loan?

Humbly Yours
Wistful Thinker


----------



## Sweetie

Dear Wendy's Drive Through:

You thought you would bring me down with that chocolate shake that was nothing but chocolate syrup...BUT...I WIN...because...

"Dear Kahlua:

Thank you for turning that cup of chocolate syrup into an awesome
nightcap!:eat2:

Love Sweetie"

So...TAKE THAT WENDY'S!!!! 

Sweetie


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Best Friend,

When I told you, you need to take time before your next relationship, I didn't mean to get over the boyfriend you just dumped. I meant you need time for you. Saying 'Meh' and shrugging, that kinda just killed any concern I really held for you or your happiness with your new man. Do what you will. 

Sincerely,
Deathcow.


----------



## CAMellie

To those who were kind, caring, and supportive during my time of grief...thank you. I will never forget it.


To those of you who acted like it was a game to see who was the biggest drama queen (I am far from blind, ya know)...kiss it. You snivel on here plenty of times.


I know who my friends are.

Melanie


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear M,

Thank you for being you. I don't know if you get told that often, but you should be told that more.

*hugs*

Me


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Nerd Nation Hosts

Words cannot express my heartfelt gratitude at the opportunity that you provided. That it turned out as amazing as it has is just icing on the cake

you are both awesome

Love 

grateful and over excited


----------



## SMA413

Dear ranch-
Thanks for being such a constant in my life and in the lives of so many people. I feel like no matter what happens throughout the year, I know that coming back here always calms me. You have brought together such an amazing and unique group of individuals and we're all so excited for what this summer brings. I hope that you'll be around for at least another 60 years. 
Love always-
All the ranchers to ever set foot in this little green valley


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Almond M&M's 

why the fuck did you have to taste so awesome and be so addictive so much for making my chocolate stash last you beckon me with your smooth flavour and crunch


Signed

Chocaholic


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Dance Dance Revolution, 

You're my new drug, treat me well >;O 

Sincerely,
Addict.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Momma,

Your death was so sudden and now I don't know what to do with myself. You were my best friend and I could talk to you about EVERYTHING. I'm trying to keep the family together like you asked me to in the letter you left for me, but I'm failing miserably at at. I'm trying though...even though my siblings are just as stubborn as I am and you were.
I love you, momma, and you will be in my thoughts and heart forever.

All my love,
your meemo


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear former employer,

If you're going to terminate someone, could you do it right away when they get there? 'Cause it was a real dick move to have me work for about an hour and then tell me...that walk of shame was really awesome. Screw you, it was the worst job I ever had and I've worked some pretty crappy jobs. 

Signed,
Your formerly awesome worker.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Me,

You feel bad now. You may feel worse later. But, you'll get through it, one way or another, because you always do. Just try to think positively, relax over the weekend, and continue to kick ass on Monday.

Love,
Me


----------



## SMA413

Dear Robert-
You are making it quite difficult to not be so head over heels crazy about you. 

I love that you called me just to talk about mundane things like my search for obsolete medical supplies in this tiny little Texas town.
I love that you actually tried to help me out.
I love that you actually said "I love chubby women and you're sexy as hell." 
I love that you're on the same page as me in regards to maybe taking this to another level if/when our respective complications disappear. 
I love that all I want right now is to kiss you. 

I hate that I can't see you until the end of July. 
I hate that just hearing your voice makes my heart melt.
I hate that we met just before I'm about to leave Texas.
I hate that just when I'm floating high in a bubble of giddy affection, one of our complications comes along to pop it.
I hate that all I want right now is to kiss you.

If you could do me a huge favor and not be so amazing for the next few weeks, that would make this so much easier.

Utterly twitterpated-
Samantha


----------



## 1love_emily

Dear Derek,

At first I thought the fact that you played D and D was a little strange... but now I think it's utterly adorable. I miss you terribly though! We've both been busy and exhausted, but I'd like to Skype you before I see you again!

Please text me!

Love,
Em


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg


Dear Honey Badger,

I truly love how you don't give a shit- especially when you're hungry! :bow:

Moi


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear Freind:

you know you are my best freind right? but dude,you are SOOOOOOO shallow when it comes to how woman should look it's not even funny,that's messed up dude.:doh:


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Mr Artist

As in everything in life there comes a time for goodbyes, I know you dont understand how your behaviour and words come accross and you may never get it. I do hope you will and one day you will find love and happiness with someone who is suitable for you and not just a romantic obsession, I sometimes wonder if you ever really knew or understood me at all or just had ideas about me that were unshifting

May this inspire some wonderful art

I will miss our friendship but know that I have made the right decision I just cant get pulled into that emotional void anymore

Hugs

Angeleyes


----------



## herin

Dear vacuum cleaner,

I love that you were on sale. 
I love that you have cool gadgets and attachments.
I love how much dirt you got out the carpets that had just been cleaned.
I love that you are a lovely shade of blue. 
Thank you for indugling my obssive tendencies by flashing a light at me when the carpet will release no more filth unto you.

Love,
Erin


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Dear Prince Charming,

Thanks for being so amazing! <3

Yours,
Princess Cupcake


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Dear Universe,

Fuck you, you miserable fuck!

Much love!


Hugs and bunnies!

Punky


----------



## EMH1701

Dearest Economy,

Please stop sucking. Seriously, it's way past time to get better now.



Me


----------



## spiritangel

Dear three sisters (aka my best girlfriends)

thank you for helping me get my head on straight and making me laugh through the pain and for being such loving and supportive amazing and inspiring women
today I needed you and without question each of you was there for me and reminded me that I made the right decision for me, and yes it hurts but you also reminded me that it would continiue in the same cycle and this was in the end the only option

I love you all you are the sisters of my heart and soul


Love 

me


----------



## CAMellie

Dear me,

Revenge, hatred, screaming at them...you KNOW none of that would mean a damned thing to them. They're "right"...you're "wrong"...and nothing you say or do will ever change that. So I'm proud of you for just walking away from them. The people in your life who really matter have expressed their approval over your decision.

Just live your life without them (like you've ALWAYS done) and be happy. You'll be just fine!

Love,
me


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Dear Universe,

Perhaps you remember me? I am writing you again in an effort for you to stop making my life a living hell. Perhaps you didn't quite understand the nuances of what I meant by fuck you - you miserable fuck.

Please cease forthwith. Or I will be forced to seek legal remedies. 

Thank you for your time,

Punky


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Sleep

it appears yet again 2-3hrs after we embraced each other yet again you have chosen to dessert me, woulld you please come back? whatever I did I did not mean to offend you. I will embrace you tighter, love you deeper if you will just come back for mayby 4-6hrs 


love

the sleep deprvadly insane one


----------



## Mishty

Dear Last Week,

Y'know, you almost had me. Monday was a fuckin' storm of fear when Heather blacked out, and then Ma going all homo-phobic on me within an hour, even before my nerves had settled. You took Mama's friend Jerry without a backward glance of remorse. She was here, then gone so quick everyone was stunned, but not completely surprised, but on her son's birthday? Really. That was low. Then you took Ashely. Such a young thing, with a life ahead of her, you didn't just take her from me, you took her away from her young daughter, her Mama, her man(who has since, fallen completely apart), and dozens of other people that loved and needed her. 

Then, to prove what a complete douche of a week you are you let the vet butcher my baby, in what should have been a normal every day spaying,turned into seventy hours of fear and hurt.You forced even more on my Tiny dumpling girl left in an outdoor kennel in the god damn rain and severe storm, while she was coming out of to much anesthesia she vomited, urinated, and soiled herself, because since we rescued her last summer she's been completely terrified of storms. I then proceeded to follow her around for days watching for to much blood in her urine because he cut her all jagged and deep, so blood was oozing out of her, and I didn't know what to do other than pray she was okay. 

Sunday would've been the end of a shitty week, the funeral would have given me closure, but nope. Not you crap week, you shoved a Hummer into the back of Heathers car, gave my god son a case of whip lash at only eleven and he's to scared to even get in a car, the doctor gave him god damn muscle relaxers to numb him enough to get to the office for x-rays. Then, of course at mid-night I get a god awful text saying that maybe, just maybe my girl has been screwing around since the beginning. So, guess what shit week? I'm going to forget you after this, I'm not going to think or dwell on you a moment longer. You sucked. I hated you, and I hope I never see you try to squirm back into my life. 

Good Riddance,
Misty


----------



## Blackjack

Mishty said:


> Dear Last Week,



Mish, I'm so, so sorry about all this.


----------



## Mathias

Mishty said:


> Dear Last Week,
> 
> Y'know, you almost had me. Monday was a fuckin' storm of fear when Heather blacked out, and then Ma going all homo-phobic on me within an hour, even before my nerves had settled. You took Mama's friend Jerry without a backward glance of remorse. She was here, then gone so quick everyone was stunned, but not completely surprised, but on her son's birthday? Really. That was low. Then you took Ashely. Such a young thing, with a life ahead of her, you didn't just take her from me, you took her away from her young daughter, her Mama, her man(who has since, fallen completely apart), and dozens of other people that loved and needed her.
> 
> Then, to prove what a complete douche of a week you are you let the vet butcher my baby, in what should have been a normal every day spaying,turned into seventy hours of fear and hurt.You forced even more on my Tiny dumpling girl left in an outdoor kennel in the god damn rain and severe storm, while she was coming out of to much anesthesia she vomited, urinated, and soiled herself, because since we rescued her last summer she's been completely terrified of storms. I then proceeded to follow her around for days watching for to much blood in her urine because he cut her all jagged and deep, so blood was oozing out of her, and I didn't know what to do other than pray she was okay.
> 
> Sunday would've been the end of a shitty week, the funeral would have given me closure, but nope. Not you crap week, you shoved a Hummer into the back of Heathers car, gave my god son a case of whip lash at only eleven and he's to scared to even get in a car, the doctor gave him god damn muscle relaxers to numb him enough to get to the office for x-rays. Then, of course at mid-night I get a god awful text saying that maybe, just maybe my girl has been screwing around since the beginning. So, guess what shit week? I'm going to forget you after this, I'm not going to think or dwell on you a moment longer. You sucked. I hated you, and I hope I never see you try to squirm back into my life.
> 
> Good Riddance,
> Misty



I'm so sorry Mishty. :really sad:


----------



## Surlysomething

Mishty said:


> Dear Last Week


 
On behalf of Mishty, you need to fuck off.

Hang in there, girl.


----------



## mossystate

So sorry, Misty.


----------



## Surlysomething

Surlysomething said:


> On behalf of Mishty, you need to fuck off.
> 
> Hang in there, girl.


 

That was meant for her "last week". I was re-reading my post and thought it might be misconstrued.


----------



## CastingPearls

Mishty said:


> Dear Last Week,



Big hugs and deep breaths, Babygirl.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

(((((((((Mish))))))))))) You know how much I love you. I am SO sorry last week was SO awful for you.  I really hope this upcoming week gives you some peace and a break from the hell you've been through. You know where to find me if you need me. Love you. :wubu:


----------



## Mishty

Thank you all so much, it means the world to me knowing you all care.


----------



## AnnMarie

Mishty said:


> Thank you all so much, it means the world to me knowing you all care.




Good Lord, girl - that's more than anyone should have to encounter in a much longer span of time, never mind a week. Strength and peace to you... you need it.


----------



## shinyapple

Dear Former Prospective Employer, 

Was it really supposed to make me feel better that you *wanted* to hire me and tried to see if there was a way you could hire two people at once, but ultimately hired the other person? Because...it really doesn't. It kinda sorta really makes me feel like shit to get slapped in the face yet again over a job I was pretty damn certain I had. But thanks for saying you'd call me if it didn't work out. Sadly, I needed the job desperately enough that I'd actually come crawling back if the opportunity presented itself.

Thanks for the buzzkill, 
Me
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Life, 

If you pile much more shit on me, I'm gonna crack under the pressure. It's right there, boiling under the surface. I've held it together really well since Grandma died, but I'm starting to worry that what Aunt Mary said is true and I'm going to break if this keeps up.

I'm glad we got the apartment and can appease Evil Aunt in getting out of Grandma's house asap. Now please, please, please...work with me here. I need a job or we're gonna be screwed in a few weeks when we're out of groceries and the bills start coming due. 

You're giving me far more than I can realistically handle right now.

Me Again
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Uppity Aunt, 

Thanks for sharing your amazing dinner with us last night. However, whatever it is you're cooking now smells like hot dog food. 

Grossed out, 
The Thing Under the Stairs


----------



## luvbigfellas

Dear Almost-Landlady,

Thank you for giving me your approval. I promise I'll be the best tenant you've ever had.

Love,
Me
----------------------------
Dear former supervisor from 2007-2009,

You were the best boss ever and I'm so glad that you remember me fondly. I'm also glad you thought I did a good job. I hope and pray that they are finally treating as you should be treated.

Love,
Your loyal former employee


----------



## Sweet Tooth

Dear weeds,

Please pull yourselves out of my garden and jump into the big brown composting bags on your own. I promise, you'll be a lot happier with this solution so I don't have to rip you limb from limb or poison you.

Thank you,

Your unwilling host


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Sleep

I am truly sorry for whatever I have done to offend you so deeply you will not give me the rest I truly need 4hrs yesterday was bliss but for a healing body no where near enough, please I throw myself at your feet and beg for forgiveness and at least a few days of 6hrs or more sleep

sincerley going slowly insane without sleep


----------



## penguin

Dear toys,

Please sort yourselves out into neat piles, organise yourselves by sets and then put yourselves away. I've done it for you often enough, surely it's time you grew up and did it for me.


----------



## Surlysomething

You, you and you and you over there....step away from the computer. Please.

You, get a job. You too.

You, grow a pair.

You, grow up.

You, move out and get a life.

You, just shut up for once.

You, think about someone other than yourself for a change.


----------



## willowmoon

To Michael Bay,

For you to say that the upcoming Transformers 3 movie is better than "Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen" doesn't mean shit. Hell, just about ANY movie out there was better than Transformers 2. I'd rather sit through an Uwe Boll movie marathon than ever sit through Transformers 2 ever again.

Ok, maybe that WOULD be pushing my limits, but still .....

Best (?) regards,

WillowMoon

P.S. On a sidenote, is there any possibility you will be doing an explosion-filled remake of "My Dinner With Andre" ?


----------



## Blackjack

willowmoon said:


> To Michael Bay,
> 
> For you to say that the upcoming Transformers 3 movie is better than "Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen" doesn't mean shit. Hell, just about ANY movie out there was better than Transformers 2. I'd rather sit through an Uwe Boll movie marathon than ever sit through Transformers 2 ever again.
> 
> Ok, maybe that WOULD be pushing my limits, but still .....
> 
> Best (?) regards,
> 
> WillowMoon
> 
> P.S. On a sidenote, is there any possibility you will be doing an explosion-filled remake of "My Dinner With Andre" ?



The kicker is that he blamed the shittiness of Transformers 2 on the writer's strike.

I'm sure that it wasn't the *everything else about the movie*.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Mom, 

Thanks for listening to my spontaneous and bitter rant about aerial cancelling our weekend plans, however next time maybe you could skip the "The only way you'll find yourself a man is if you drop the weight" Lecture. I don't need to hear it, especially from you. 

Sincerely,
Megs.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

You might like this little tidbit; a response from the Projectionists Guild to Michael Bay regarding his suggestions for optimal movie enjoyment.



willowmoon said:


> To Michael Bay,
> 
> For you to say that the upcoming Transformers 3 movie is better than "Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen" doesn't mean shit. Hell, just about ANY movie out there was better than Transformers 2. I'd rather sit through an Uwe Boll movie marathon than ever sit through Transformers 2 ever again.
> 
> Ok, maybe that WOULD be pushing my limits, but still .....
> 
> Best (?) regards,
> 
> WillowMoon
> 
> P.S. On a sidenote, is there any possibility you will be doing an explosion-filled remake of "My Dinner With Andre" ?


----------



## littlefairywren

Mishty said:


> Dear Last Week,
> 
> Y'know, you almost had me. Monday was a fuckin' storm of fear when Heather blacked out, and then Ma going all homo-phobic on me within an hour, even before my nerves had settled. You took Mama's friend Jerry without a backward glance of remorse. She was here, then gone so quick everyone was stunned, but not completely surprised, but on her son's birthday? Really. That was low. Then you took Ashely. Such a young thing, with a life ahead of her, you didn't just take her from me, you took her away from her young daughter, her Mama, her man(who has since, fallen completely apart), and dozens of other people that loved and needed her.
> 
> Then, to prove what a complete douche of a week you are you let the vet butcher my baby, in what should have been a normal every day spaying,turned into seventy hours of fear and hurt.You forced even more on my Tiny dumpling girl left in an outdoor kennel in the god damn rain and severe storm, while she was coming out of to much anesthesia she vomited, urinated, and soiled herself, because since we rescued her last summer she's been completely terrified of storms. I then proceeded to follow her around for days watching for to much blood in her urine because he cut her all jagged and deep, so blood was oozing out of her, and I didn't know what to do other than pray she was okay.
> 
> Sunday would've been the end of a shitty week, the funeral would have given me closure, but nope. Not you crap week, you shoved a Hummer into the back of Heathers car, gave my god son a case of whip lash at only eleven and he's to scared to even get in a car, the doctor gave him god damn muscle relaxers to numb him enough to get to the office for x-rays. Then, of course at mid-night I get a god awful text saying that maybe, just maybe my girl has been screwing around since the beginning. So, guess what shit week? I'm going to forget you after this, I'm not going to think or dwell on you a moment longer. You sucked. I hated you, and I hope I never see you try to squirm back into my life.
> 
> Good Riddance,
> Misty



Soft hugs, darling girl.


----------



## penguin

Dear Facebook,

I need to let the world know how cranky I am, and you won't let me update. This does nothing for lowering my cranky levels! Stop being an ass.

Dear toys,

I'm sorting you all out. Some of you will make it, some of you won't. If you want to survive the cull, cleaning yourselves up will be a good move.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Film Industry,

Fuck you and your smurfs movie. 

Sincerely,
Smurfs Fan.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Almond M&M's


could you please stop being on special so I can stop feeding my addiction to you and when you are on special could it not be for a measly 4-6 bags they just wont go that far


signed

yes chocolate is a good substitute for a sex life


----------



## mulrooney13

Dear me,

Stop being such an idiot.

Love,

Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Friend,

I truly appreciate you're willing to come to the renfaire with my family and I, and drive us since we can't do it otherwise.. but I've heard through the grape vine you want to change what we drive IN? ...Can .. . Can you not make this more difficult than it already will be? You're making me feel sick with nerves. 

Sincerely,
Deathcow.


----------



## Mathias

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Film Industry,
> 
> Fuck you and your smurfs movie.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Smurfs Fan.



P.S- You can take your Toy Story 4 and shove it!  Like seriously, what could the story possibly be? Do Woody and the gang need to stop Andy from pledging in his college's shady fraternity and not taking part in the hazing rituals? Let the story end and make Incredibles 2 already! It's time for a new trilogy!


----------



## spiritangel

Mathias said:


> P.S- You can take your Toy Story 4 and shove it!  Like seriously, what could the story possibly be? Do Woody and the gang need to stop Andy from pledging in his college's shady fraternity and not taking part in the hazing rituals? Let the story end and make Incredibles 2 already! It's time for a new trilogy!



here here on the incredibles 2 I mean seriously they ended it in the perfect way for there to be a sequal or at least a tv series


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Mathias said:


> P.S- You can take your Toy Story 4 and shove it!  Like seriously, what could the story possibly be? Do Woody and the gang need to stop Andy from pledging in his college's shady fraternity and not taking part in the hazing rituals? Let the story end and make Incredibles 2 already! It's time for a new trilogy!


P. P. S- 
What do you want to ruin next? ...Snorks? 

[So Help me Godzilla, if you FCK with my Snorks.]


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Inner Artist

seriously Jackson Pollock, you let me channel him or pro heart for my latest background do you not remember standing for hours at the national gallery staring at blue poles trying to understand why the f... they paid so much for it and you go and create a background that could be considered in a simmilar vein
oh art journal what are you doing to me seriously

Signed 

Confused and bemused


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear Person,

damn you,you broke my heart.if you end up catching some type of STD,don't come crying to me.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear You-
Wow you must be one bitter and lonely person. Get a life and butt out.

Dear L-All of that pot smoking and dropping acid has really skewed your memory. That movie came out in 1984 when you had just turned 18 years old. For her to have "shown" you that Eddie Murphy Delirious "CD" she would have had to have turned 11 years old, invented a time machine, raced to the future and have the VCR tape put into CD format, raced back and showed it to you--and then taken a second trip to the future to return the product as not to have a negative affect on the ripples of time--ALL of this at AGE 11. Wow, you really have f*cked up your life with all the drugs. 

Dear S- It came as no surprise to me that you have yet again taken credit for *(stolen)* a life that you have not lived. For years you have claimed to have lived MY life, been friendly with MY friends and taken credit for good things that I have done. You are perhaps the most fake and plastic person I have ever known. You are really good about smiling in someone's face as you twist the knife into their back--a trait that you've no doubt gotten from your "friends". You have no identity of your own because you feel it necessary to take *(stolen)* the best parts of other people and claim them for yourself. Where is your own identity? You've hung around these losers for so long that you have forgotten about yourself. You have lied about who you are, pretended to be someone that you aren't, *stolen* things from me, taken advantage when you could--all to be ME. I should be impressed because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery--but I am not. I am embarrassed and ashamed that (in order for you to feel good about the person that you are) you have to *steal *my identity (and to be honest, it's a rather dull and boring identity that you are trying to *steal*). 
I think that its a shame that you think of yourself as such a loser that you have to make up things that happened, and follow along with the drug-induced memories of a person who has to drop acid and smoke pot in order to run away from the reality of her privileged past as a cops daughter, her miserable present and a drug-soaked future. This person that you want to claim a life-long friendship with--remember...this is the person who came to your dad's funeral directly from work, dressed in a dirty lab coat and wreaking of really bad body odor. She furthermore displayed a lack of both propriety and respect by bragging about and displaying pictures on her crackberry of her "pot farm"--AT YOUR MOTHERS FUNERAL. 
It amazes me that you would go along with a story that a drug abuser made up because her brain is so messed up from all the drugs that she "can't honestly remember" the truth--that (at 18 years old) her best friend of that time was NOT an 11 year old little girl. I am embarrassed that you have come to such a low point that you don't have enough self-respect to correct her but I guess in order to have friends, you have to allow them to "remember" things in a way that puts a bright light on you.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky,

He's only a wee baby who hasn't even seen his first year and such a lovely little guy. I don't think I could forgive you if you took him away,

Love Kimberly


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Gracie,

Happy 4th birthday beautiful girl! I love you! Your party was lots of fun :happy:

Love,

Aunt B


----------



## kaylaisamachine

Dear Avery, 

I miss you. Even though you are on this website somewhere, I'm hoping you won't find this anytime soon. I wish things went back to the way they were between us when we first met, but I guess I'm just as glad to have you in my life at all. Come to California soon and visit me. Oh, and if you do happen to see this right now, get on AIM. 

Love, Kayla.


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear Freind,


i like you man,but damn you are so...judgemental.it's like you see everyone's elses situations and lack seeing your own.don't be a hypocrite,look at things from all sides,not just from your point of view and your point of view only.think outside the box for once.kthanx

Dear Freind pt.2

your so different on your meds,i just wish you were off them.


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Mathias said:


> P.S- You can take your Toy Story 4 and shove it!  Like seriously, what could the story possibly be? Do Woody and the gang need to stop Andy from pledging in his college's shady fraternity and not taking part in the hazing rituals? Let the story end and make Incredibles 2 already! It's time for a new trilogy!



i would much much have Incredibles 2 then Toy Story 4.heck i would rather have Incredibles 2 over Cars 2 and instead of Toy Story 3 as well.


----------



## SMA413

Dear overdue nap-
I'm sorry our date got interrupted. I miss you terribly.
Love,
Tired


----------



## CastingPearls

An open letter to all of my friends,

Today a friend reminded me that we've been like sisters for almost twenty years. Yesterday another friend brought up it was eleven and yet another said it's been twelve and I can think of four others that have been over ten years, real friends, true friends, those who wouldn't hesitate to offer me what little they have materially and all their hearts in full. Time and time again, they've proven how much they love me and there just aren't enough words to express my gratitude.

And then I think of the new ones. The ones I've met here who I've never met in person. Those who made me believe an internet friendship is real, that their love is real. The ones who have supported me and stuck their necks out for me. The ones who asked me for forgiveness. (freely given) The ones who humbled themselves by reaching out to me and putting themselves at risk. The ones I hope to meet one day, the ones I have shed tears with and shed tears over, and even the ones who even though they might reject my friendship or view me with suspicion, I still value and care and it doesn't matter if we agree. My heart is big enough for all of us and if you listen, you can and will hear it. You all mean so much to me. I just wanted to make sure you know it. 

With love,
Lainey


----------



## WVMountainrear

CastingPearls said:


> An open letter to all of my friends,
> 
> ...snip...
> 
> With love,
> Lainey



If I could rep you all of the times that I've wanted to/all the times you've deserved it, you'd probably have two suns by now.  But since I can't, I'll simply say I love you, Lainey. :kiss2::happy:


----------



## littlefairywren

CastingPearls said:


> An open letter to all of my friends,



If I may repeat what lovely said above...I love you, Lainey :wubu:


----------



## BLUEeyedBanshee

CastingPearls said:


> An open letter to all of my friends,
> 
> 
> 
> With love,
> Lainey



Love ya, I need to spread some rep around so maybe one day I can get ya again!  :kiss2:


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Mosquitoes,

Kindly Fuck Off and Die Already. 

Sincerely,
Your Unwilling Victim/Day-Long Feast.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

CastingPearls said:


> An open letter to all of my friends,
> 
> Today a friend reminded me that we've been like sisters for almost twenty years. Yesterday another friend brought up it was eleven and yet another said it's been twelve and I can think of four others that have been over ten years, real friends, true friends, those who wouldn't hesitate to offer me what little they have materially and all their hearts in full. Time and time again, they've proven how much they love me and there just aren't enough words to express my gratitude.
> 
> And then I think of the new ones. The ones I've met here who I've never met in person. Those who made me believe an internet friendship is real, that their love is real. The ones who have supported me and stuck their necks out for me. The ones who asked me for forgiveness. (freely given) The ones who humbled themselves by reaching out to me and putting themselves at risk. The ones I hope to meet one day, the ones I have shed tears with and shed tears over, and even the ones who even though they might reject my friendship or view me with suspicion, I still value and care and it doesn't matter if we agree. My heart is big enough for all of us and if you listen, you can and will hear it. You all mean so much to me. I just wanted to make sure you know it.
> 
> With love,
> Lainey



We all feel the same way about you. <3 :wubu:


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Buddy,
our conversation today has me thinking about deep subjects now like how I treat people in the world.
Part of me is enlightened, part of me is doing the Mel Brooks HARRRUMPH with the Morey Amsterdam wave off. 

Your contemplative pal who's pondering all these points while smoking a churchill length cigar, Snuggletiger


----------



## AnnMarie

No particular order:

Dear Universe, 
Thanks for the sucktastic day. Glad it's over and I'm relatively unscathed despite the pain in the butt it was over and over again.

Dear Lottery, 
Please get it right this time. 

Dear Car Rims, 
Stop bending!! I'm not made of cash. 


There's one more, but it's like beating a dead horse at this point. Bleh.


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear Freind,

i can't believe how judgemental and shallow you are?! damn you really need to grow up on many aspects of yourself,reflect on it.

Dear Person,

if you don't like my life now you are free to go wherever the hell you want,i will show you the way out if you like...no one is perfect,realize this,as much as you are telling me things i need to fix or do i could be telling you things you need to fix and do as well.everyone has flaws,deal with it and move on,get over yourself.get off your damn high horse before i knock you off of it...


----------



## SMA413

Dear lice-
If you could maybe NOT be such a whore, going around infecting half of this camp, that would be phenomenal.
Love,
Every summer camp in existence

P.S.
Now I'm super paranoid about every itch I have. Might as well go ahead and treat myself.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

SMA413 said:


> Dear lice-
> If you could maybe NOT be such a whore, going around infecting half of this camp, that would be phenomenal.
> Love,
> Every summer camp in existence
> 
> P.S.
> Now I'm super paranoid about every itch I have. Might as well go ahead and treat myself.



http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=455330&postcount=16

Hope this helps


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

CastingPearls said:


> An open letter to all of my friends,
> 
> Today a friend reminded me that we've been like sisters for almost twenty years. Yesterday another friend brought up it was eleven and yet another said it's been twelve and I can think of four others that have been over ten years, real friends, true friends, those who wouldn't hesitate to offer me what little they have materially and all their hearts in full. Time and time again, they've proven how much they love me and there just aren't enough words to express my gratitude.
> 
> And then I think of the new ones. The ones I've met here who I've never met in person. Those who made me believe an internet friendship is real, that their love is real. The ones who have supported me and stuck their necks out for me. The ones who asked me for forgiveness. (freely given) The ones who humbled themselves by reaching out to me and putting themselves at risk. The ones I hope to meet one day, the ones I have shed tears with and shed tears over, and even the ones who even though they might reject my friendship or view me with suspicion, I still value and care and it doesn't matter if we agree. My heart is big enough for all of us and if you listen, you can and will hear it. You all mean so much to me. I just wanted to make sure you know it.
> 
> With love,
> Lainey



I consider this one of the best/nicest posts I have read in my years on Dims.


----------



## SMA413

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=455330&postcount=16
> 
> Hope this helps



Love it! Thanks!


----------



## AnnMarie

Dear Foxwoods, 
I'm annoyed I'm not in you. 



Dear Boy, 
I'm annoyed you're not in me. 



Dear Oreos, 
You're getting in me momentarily. Prepare yourself.


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear Person,

must something come up everytime were about to meet? your family gets hurt more then stuntman,really.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Nintendo,

Lavender Town is officially the creepiest Effing town I've ever come across in any of your pokemon series. 

Sincerely,
WTF


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Sister

I dont think you realise how much it hurts to be excluded from things that you once would have included me in or at least asked me if I wanted to go to, I missed shaylyns first school musical as a High school kid because you simply as usual forgot to tell me or ask me if I wanted to buy a ticket, just another thing in a long list of things really, I miss you more than you know I dont know when things changed but it hurts to realise my ex ex boyfriend spends more time with you and the girls than I get to. You used to make the effort to even pop in and see me on the way to town sometimes and yes I get you have new friends and such and I am over the moon with joy at that and mayby because they are the churchy type your worried what they will think of me I really dont know but I miss the fact we used to do things like have lunch together and that you used to include me in your lives more.

I will never stop loving you or the girls, but I have only been gifted with a sister for 12 years and I try my best to be as good a big sister as I know how.

Missing you
Your Big Sister


----------



## CastingPearls

You,

That was the last thing I needed to hear so that when I feel any remorse, any mercy, any shred of sentiment I can remember this night and know that my life restarted at that moment.

What you said and did was in a way a gift. It freed me completely. Now it's just paperwork and details. 

Me.


----------



## penguin

Dear Child,

I can only sing Little Bunny Foo Foo and Alice the Camel so many times before I go nuts, but thank you for liking it when I sing. Many wouldn't, but you're still young enough to enjoy it, especially when I sign you a lullaby at night when you're sad and need help getting back to sleep.

love,
your mother

Dear You,

Thank you for being the wonderful you that you are.

love,
me


----------



## spiritangel

duplicate post


----------



## spiritangel

Dear two potential relationships


one ty for dissappearing I think you were a fantasy and not reality, and second one now I know why my intuition had me hesitant and whilst you dont realise it being in love with one woman and thinking that your falling for another someone is going to get hurt and in this case it would have been me I am worth more than second best in any mans heart, thank you for once again showing me more of what I dont want so i can truly know more of what I do need. I wont say I am not hurt or that I wasnt emotionally invested and that I am not totally mistafied at your whole way through saying no matter what we will be great friends only to say sorry I was falling for you I cant be but I can be friends with and sleep with my ex who I am still in love with but who doesnt want me erm yeah its ok I know in a few days you will be but a memory and that no matter that you said I would have stopped sleeping with her if something had developed with us erm when before or after you slept with me? You may not realise that your actions speak louder than your words and both have shown you to be a man I could not be with but for the moment I am allowed to be a little gutted and emotional tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow you are history and a new day will have dawned

Somewhat mistafied
not quite heartbroken


----------



## cinnamongirlky

Dear Men In General,

Tell me why you act like you are SO interested in me, get me talking on IM and with a couple of you on the phone. Only to have you just disappear. No explanations, no goodbyes, nothing. I hate that and it's really disrespectful.

And to the other guys who spend a lot of time talking with me, telling me you want to meet only to make an excuse every time we are suppose to meet. If you are too scared to meet, then just say it, don't lie to me. That pisses me off.

-----------------

Dear REAL MEN Out There,

WHERE are you??? :doh:


----------



## Surlysomething

CastingPearls said:


> You,
> 
> That was the last thing I needed to hear so that when I feel any remorse, any mercy, any shred of sentiment I can remember this night and know that my life restarted at that moment.
> 
> What you said and did was in a way a gift. It freed me completely. Now it's just paperwork and details.
> 
> Me.


 

Thinking of you, lady.

<3


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Penguin
I wanna learn to sing the same songs.
Signed
ME


----------



## penguin

snuggletiger said:


> Dear Penguin
> I wanna learn to sing the same songs.
> Signed
> ME



Alice and Foo Foo at your service!


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Hirsutism,

You win.

x


----------



## CAMellie

Dear me,

Thank you for losing a few pounds. Just that extra 7lb weight-loss has made the diabetes so much more manageable. Actually, I'm pretty proud of you overall...38lbs in 7 months is really good. Just getting below 400 has made a huge difference.

keep up the good work,
me


Dear Adrian,

Thank you for all the love and support you've shown me throughout our relationship. I don't know what I ever did to deserve having someone as amazing as you in my life, but I'm eternally grateful. 

I love you,

Melanie


----------



## Emma

Hey. 

I think you always look a bit sweaty and like you need a good wash. You probably do. Your lips makes me feel a bit sick because they look a bit sweaty too. It makes me cringe to think I ever found you attractive!


----------



## Mishty

Dear Madison Claire(Fatty Maddie),

We've watched Fraggle Rock,went on bear hunts,colored, ate candy bars, and hot dogs, took long naps in the rain and now we're going to take a nice bubble bath. I love you, little squirt, and someday you'll look back and be amazed at the Mama you have, a teen mother, in college and raising a wonderful and bright little sprite like you. I'll always be here, because to be honest I'm addicted to you, and I'm a sucker for your pretty face.

Much love, 

Auntie MiMi


----------



## penguin

Dear JK Rowling,

I love you.

love forever,
me


----------



## kaylaisamachine

Dear SFSU, 

I know I'm going to endure a lot of challenges attending you in the Fall, all I'm asking is to help guide me in the right direction so I don't screw anything up being on my own and 4 hours away from home. You make me nervous. Don't let me screw my life up this year. Don't pull me into the bad crowd. 

Love, 

Kayla


----------



## AuntHen

Mon cher amour,

J'ai ouvert la fenêtre ce matin et les oiseaux ont de nouveau chanté de toi!:wubu:

:kiss2::kiss2:

~B~


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear Freind,

we haven't talked in awhile,our last conversation kinda felt like we were on different sides of the planes or something but you have always been my bro,hope we catch up soon,it would be nice.

Dear Cool Person,

i love talking to you and texting you,it's great to get to know you.


----------



## SMA413

Dear overly overprotective parents of my campers-

Stop flipping out every time you see a pic of your kid on the website with a bandaid. It's summer camp, for pete's sake. Your kid is going to get scratched, bumped, and bruised while they spend 4 weeks in the Texas hill country. If they come home all banged up, they obviously had a phenomenal time. Trust us to treat the minor stuff. If we feel like it's more serious, we'll call you. For now, pop a xanax, enjoy the break from your kids, and stop stalking the camp website. I know you love your kids, but let them go.

Sincerely-
A very frustrated camp nurse

P.S. Just because the director of the camp is a therapist doesn't mean this camp is a mental health facility. We are not properly trained or equipped to take care of kids with severe psychological problems.


----------



## Jess87

Dear The Lot of You

Stop starting sentences with " I bet you can't." It's well established that I far too often have the mentality of a tween. As such I will attempt it to prove you wrong and because I just cannot help myself. Not that I don't love making an ass of myself, because that is also pretty well established. However, sometimes I like to pretend to be mature and you're not helping. Also, don't take pictures of it.

Thank you,
I so will not fall for it again... this week.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Freezing cold weather

ok I get its winter I really do but I had my heater on admittedly on low did you really have to make it so that my house was freezing and I woke up from just 3hrs of the deepest sleep I have had in ages 


signed

eyes still glazed over in need of sleep


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Geeks and Nerds,

You thought it was funny to steal my friends pictures as well as one of mine for the sole purpose of making fun of them. I just found out your little website crashed and you lost all your content. Justice has been served you mealy mouthed punks and I had nothing to do with it.

signed,

your worst enemy T.R.P.


----------



## MissAshley

Dear freeloader,

Go back home!


----------



## CAMellie

Beloved microwave chimichangas,

I love you. Really...I do! But please don't make me regret buying, and eating, you.

Love,

the fat chick:kiss2:


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear Person,

it's unfortunate it had to come to that,but it is what it is.despite what has happened between us,i still wish you the best.hopefully you can have a nice life.farewell...


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Self,

Stop getting excited over these storms, you're making the dog get worked up.

Sincerely,
Me. 

PS: Just remember big old trees + lots of wind = not good.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Sexypants


YOU ASKED WHAT?? seriously omg I am stil reeling that poor man, I am scared to even contemplate what else you are goin to ask him I loves you I really do but wow the M word in the first conversation??


Signed

Dazed hopeless romantic


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear summer heat, 
You can bring your bad-ass self to the party, but my rosy cheeks will thank you to please leave your indexes at home in the future. 
Me


----------



## danielson123

Dear Fellow Dimmers,

I've missed you fondly. I, a lost soul, have returned and cannot wait to catch up with everything I've missed.

Ah, to be home again.
Dan


----------



## kaylaisamachine

Dear cramps,

I swear I'll give you anything you want if you stop torturing my belly. I can only take so much. You don't want to kill me, do you?! 

Love, your host


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear Co-workers,

ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!!!

Jesus Christ! You bitch and moan about how the other tech back here with me is too good to help you guys out but then you turn around and do the same thing? I'm just as busy as you think you are but you stamping numbers is not vital to do more than me filling these prescriptions for people that are here. So, why must I be the one that has to stop in the middle of counting pills to answer the goddammed phone, when you're standing right next to one, doing something that can be done later?!! Ugh!!!


----------



## CrazyGuy13

Dear PennDOT,

Is it really necessary to close miles and miles of highway lanes to work on very small sections of road at a time?


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Luv2BNaughty said:


> Dear Co-workers,
> 
> ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!!!
> 
> Jesus Christ! You bitch and moan about how the other tech back here with me is too good to help you guys out but then you turn around and do the same thing? I'm just as busy as you think you are but you stamping numbers is not vital to do more than me filling these prescriptions for people that are here. So, why must I be the one that has to stop in the middle of counting pills to answer the goddammed phone, when you're standing right next to one, doing something that can be done later?!! Ugh!!!



im sorry to hear that.  i know for a fact you are a pharmacy tech because my mom is one and she says the same things happen to here sometimes too.


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

HeavyDuty24 said:


> im sorry to hear that.  i know for a fact you are a pharmacy tech because my mom is one and she says the same things happen to here sometimes too.



It just really irks my nerves. These girls are so petty sometimes that I just want to yell at them! lol And the thing is, that the one who complains about the other tech the most, is defiant and trying to make a point. I agree with her on her points but I am the one her defiant behavior affects..not the other. She can ignore that phone all she wants, in trying to make the other get off her pedestal, but it's not going to do any good. The problem lies with those that SHOULD say something, don't. Which is the reason they'll congregate when it's slow, and talk..ignoring anything else that needs to be done, such as working the drive-thru. So me, being like I am, will do it myself. If I'm going to have to constantly do 2-3 people's jobs, send them home and give me their pay. Just saying. Other than dealing with them, I love my job


----------



## mulrooney13

Dear Evil Scientists,

When I was young, a cricket was a cricket. They chirped a lot and annoyed the hell out of you, but when you found them they looked like a beetle with longer legs and generally scampered harmlessly away (or wore top hats and called themselves Jiminy).

Over the past few years, I've noticed an alarming trend. Crickets these days don't look like beetles with longer legs. They look like a sort of extraterrestrial arachnid. I suspect this to be the result of some sinister genetic engineering experiment gone awry. These crickets seldom chirp to alert you of their presence, and when they are discovered, they lunge at you with malicious and predatory intent unlike their predecessors. 

I don't know where the secret laboratory is that spawned such sinful creatures, but just know this: one day I will pick up a box in my basement and one of these SuperCrickets will jump onto the wall and onto the ceiling and attempt to vaporize me with a laser beam. And when that happens, I'm calling the police.


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear youngest brother,

I realize I am the only member of our crazy, fucked-up family you get along with, but that does not mean I approve of your drinking, especially not when it results in a DUI and a call from a probation officer about whether or not I think you have a drinking problem. 

Love,

Big Sis

PS: Don't tell me this was your bipolar's fault. It's been under control for the last two years.


----------



## Twilley

Two for me:

Dear Bank Account, 

Please spontaneously generate funds so that I can at the very least fix my computer and be back on here regularly.

and

Dear Anxiety Disorder,

Fuck off, you're ruining most of my favorite things.


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Dear World,

I have no intention to be a parent for years to come now, but apparently you see some need to put me through mommy bootcamp. Between the time spent holding a six week old baby, entertaining a boy crazy teenager that my aunt recently adopted, and just now being woken up at 4am to care for and clean up after a sick puppy I've had enough for one weekend! I'd like to go back to sleep. 

Signed,
Future Supermom


----------



## Jess87

Dear Weather,

I completely agree with you. My basement would make a great pool. I do appreciate your attempts at getting that started for me. Unfortunately, I have other plans for that area. If you could discuss any major addition to my house beforehand I would be really happy.

Thanks,
Jessica

P.S. An aquarium is out too.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Weather & Climate Folks
I am content with 87 in my house, Don't make it hotter. 

Dear naysayers.
Its still great being at the mountaintop. Now to just figure out what brand of cigar to smoke while burning your a**

Dear Great Whatever
Thanks for everything
Your pal
Snuggletiger


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Electricty Company

Are you freaking Serious!!!! Why is it that two years in a row my winter bill is over 3x that of my normal bill seriously that is not possible!!! FFS My sisters bill is actually $20 less than me and she is running more appliances, 4 heaters and has two children and two storeys!!! Seriously would like to know how this bill got to be so crazy high but two scared to query it lest you want to up my fortnightly payments grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Annoyed and cold


Dear Universe

if you could please stop pulling the proverbial rug out from under me everytime I start to feel like my life is hitting an even keel or even a good place it would be most appreciated

signed

fed up


----------



## KHayes666

Dear ghosts of 2009,

why do you keep haunting me? I just got over getting conned out of 3,300 dollars and then all of a sudden I'm subjected to the woman who conned me out of 350 dollars a month after that returning on another website.

Its 2011 now, can't the ghosts of the past remain in the past?


----------



## AmazingAmy

'Dear' sister,

You're a cunt. You were a cunt when you were a kid, and you're an even bigger cunt now. There's a reasons your husband left you, there's a reason your family avoids you, and there's a reason you have _literally _no friends. You're a fucking bitch. You talk to everyone like they're shit. You scream, hit, bully, insult, judge . . . you're just fucking despicable. I would bet my LIFE that your children will hate you, and I'll bet my fucking afterlife that every boyfriend and husband you ever have will leave you. You deserve it. You absolutely fucking _deserve _it.

Mum's talked to you about treating me better, about actually trying to have a relationship with me and looking at me like an equal instead of causing problems all the time. But I don't want it. Just keep the hell away from me.

Your 'sister'.


----------



## CleverBomb

Jess87 said:


> Dear Weather,
> 
> I completely agree with you. My basement would make a great pool. I do appreciate your attempts at getting that started for me. Unfortunately, I have other plans for that area. If you could discuss any major addition to my house beforehand I would be really happy.
> 
> Thanks,
> Jessica
> 
> P.S. An aquarium is out too.


Why fight it?

This is the dawning of the Age of Aquariums!

-Rusty


----------



## penguin

spiritangel said:


> Dear Electricty Company
> 
> Are you freaking Serious!!!! Why is it that two years in a row my winter bill is over 3x that of my normal bill seriously that is not possible!!! FFS My sisters bill is actually $20 less than me and she is running more appliances, 4 heaters and has two children and two storeys!!! Seriously would like to know how this bill got to be so crazy high but two scared to query it lest you want to up my fortnightly payments grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
> 
> Annoyed and cold



I know a few people getting hit with $800+ bills lately, and they're not using massive amounts of electricity. For one of my friends, it's the hot water system in their house that keeps jacking it up. And it's meant to keep going up, it sucks


----------



## kaylaisamachine

Dear people of San Francisco, 

You would make my life so much better if one of you would just give me a place to live. Sure, I don't have credit, but I have a shit load of financial aid and assure you I will be able to pay rent each month. I won't be a hassle. I'm not a huge party girl, I'm pretty quiet and clean up after myself. I'll probably be gone most of the time anyway for my classes and if I get a job. I'm probably the perfect roommate for SOME of you. JUST GIVE ME THE CHANCE! 

Truly, 
A very frustrated girl


----------



## SMA413

Dear Mad Men-
Congrats. You're now available on Netflix streaming. I'm giving you 5 episodes to impress me. Go.
-Bored


----------



## Jess87

Dear Oh, You Know Who You Are,

You were completely wrong. It is funny to hold up a length of condoms while stopped at a red light and you have the attention of the car next to you. Granted, it's only funny when you then point to the condoms and the person next to you in the car you're in. It's even better when that person realizes what's going on.

Sincerely,
Has yet to mature beyond puberty


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Joe,

When you opened that thread on my hometown group, I wondered wtf was wrong with this guy shitting all over everyone else's nostalgia. You and I sparred back and forth and for a while people were egging both of us on and it suddenly began to dawn on me why your name seemed so familiar. 

You mentioned being bullied and I so identified with that and it finally clicked like a light bulb. I realized you were that gay kid in my crowd who was trying to figure himself out and went through sheer hell. I remembered the knowing glances we shared being different with one foot in and one foot out...both privileged and blessed and cursed and confused; different reasons but still targets.

You were a gentleman when I mentioned that I did indeed remember you and you were remembered with fondness and genuinely surprised me when you said the same to me. That was very unexpected. In the end, even though we threw the most punches, we also showed them, didn't we Joe, like we always did? I do remember, pal. I do. 

I'm glad we found each other again. 

Peace and love,
Lainey


----------



## danielson123

Dear Mum,

Happy Birthday to the most wonderfully compassionate, understanding, and patient mother on the planet. Enjoy your time off and have some fun. You deserve it.

I love you,
Dan


----------



## Linda

Dear Daddio,

Can you stop calling us at dinnertime my friend? And furthermore if we don't answer don't keep texting and calling...we will call back. lol

Love ya, Me


----------



## WVMountainrear

David,

I just finished telling you last night during a we had conversation about how much we post that I wasnt planning on doing anything special for my 1,000th entry. And I wasnt. But then I thought about it. Sure, its just the number of times Ive written or shared something random on a message boardso not something I would necessarily call an accomplishment. But, I have gained a lot of confidence from interacting within the community, a lot of support from the beautiful friends Ive made, and a lot of perspective not only about size acceptance but also about self-acceptance. Even with all of that, though, theres really one major reason Im celebrating 1000 posts. Its because one of them caught the attention of a man I wouldnt have otherwise met. For all of the things people say about Dimensions true and untrue, positive and negativeI will always be thankful for it. 

Because its given me you. 

And thats definitely special, definitely an accomplishment, and definitely worth celebrating.

xo

Cheryl


----------



## HighAltitudeFA

lovelylady78 said:


> David,
> 
> I just finished telling you last night during a we had conversation about how much we post that I wasnt planning on doing anything special for my 1,000th entry. And I wasnt. But then I thought about it. Sure, its just the number of times Ive written or shared something random on a message boardso not something I would necessarily call an accomplishment. But, I have gained a lot of confidence from interacting within the community, a lot of support from the beautiful friends Ive made, and a lot of perspective not only about size acceptance but also about self-acceptance. Even with all of that, though, theres really one major reason Im celebrating 1000 posts. Its because one of them caught the attention of a man I wouldnt have otherwise met. For all of the things people say about Dimensions true and untrue, positive and negativeI will always be thankful for it.
> 
> Because its given me you.
> 
> And thats definitely special, definitely an accomplishment, and definitely worth celebrating.
> 
> xo
> 
> Cheryl



Cheryl,

You know I am not usually one for posting... I think this will make 21 in just over 5 years.

I am honored to know you and to be the subject of your 1,000th post. I am absolutely lottery winning lucky that a little rep from me caught your eye, and delighted that you are brilliant and beautiful beyond my wildest expectations. As you rightly pointed out, we never would have met had it not been for Dimensions. You are amazing, and I am very thankful for you. :wubu:

-David

...and now we return you to our regularly scheduled thread of letters to people and things!


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

lovelylady78 said:


> David,
> 
> I just finished telling you last night during a we had conversation about how much we post that I wasnt planning on doing anything special for my 1,000th entry. And I wasnt. But then I thought about it. Sure, its just the number of times Ive written or shared something random on a message boardso not something I would necessarily call an accomplishment. But, I have gained a lot of confidence from interacting within the community, a lot of support from the beautiful friends Ive made, and a lot of perspective not only about size acceptance but also about self-acceptance. Even with all of that, though, theres really one major reason Im celebrating 1000 posts. Its because one of them caught the attention of a man I wouldnt have otherwise met. For all of the things people say about Dimensions true and untrue, positive and negativeI will always be thankful for it.
> 
> Because its given me you.
> 
> And thats definitely special, definitely an accomplishment, and definitely worth celebrating.
> 
> xo
> 
> Cheryl





HighAltitudeFA said:


> Cheryl,
> 
> You know I am not usually one for posting... I think this will make 21 in just over 5 years.
> 
> I am honored to know you and to be the subject of your 1,000th post. I am absolutely lottery winning lucky that a little rep from me caught your eye, and delighted that you are brilliant and beautiful beyond my wildest expectations. As you rightly pointed out, we never would have met had it not been for Dimensions. You are amazing, and I am very thankful for you. :wubu:
> 
> -David
> 
> ...and now we return you to our regularly scheduled thread of letters to people and things!



Awwwww. :wubu:


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Negative Nancy,

NA NA NA NA...NA NA NA NA....OH HELL YEAH....GOOOOODBYEEEEEEE


Signed,

Hugo Stiglitz


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Shoes,

Hurry up and arrive already!

Sincerely,
Miss-Impatience.



Dear heat,

You're good for swimming but bad for sleeping. Can't you even that all out?

Sincerely,
Seemingly-Forever-Awake.


----------



## Linda

Dear Employment gods,

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! His pride and self confidence is back with a vengance.

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## SMA413

Dear Johns Hopkins-
Listen up, you saucy tart. I know we had a date today but if you could maybe NOT wait 3 days to call me, that would be AMAZING! 
Love,
Sam
P.S. I really like that floor I interviewed for and feel that I would be an excellent addition. 

P.P.S. This weekend is going to DRAG while I wait anxiously for an email.

-----

Dear Allex and Danny-
Both of y'all need to take a hint and leave me alone. I haven't returned any of your texts in at least a week. GTFO.
Thanks!
I can't be nice much longer...


----------



## one2one

lovelylady78 said:


> David,
> 
> I just finished telling you last night during a we had conversation about how much we post that I wasnt planning on doing anything special for my 1,000th entry. And I wasnt. But then I thought about it. Sure, its just the number of times Ive written or shared something random on a message boardso not something I would necessarily call an accomplishment. But, I have gained a lot of confidence from interacting within the community, a lot of support from the beautiful friends Ive made, and a lot of perspective not only about size acceptance but also about self-acceptance. Even with all of that, though, theres really one major reason Im celebrating 1000 posts. Its because one of them caught the attention of a man I wouldnt have otherwise met. For all of the things people say about Dimensions true and untrue, positive and negativeI will always be thankful for it.
> 
> Because its given me you.
> 
> And thats definitely special, definitely an accomplishment, and definitely worth celebrating.
> 
> xo
> 
> Cheryl







HighAltitudeFA said:


> Cheryl,
> 
> You know I am not usually one for posting... I think this will make 21 in just over 5 years.
> 
> I am honored to know you and to be the subject of your 1,000th post. I am absolutely lottery winning lucky that a little rep from me caught your eye, and delighted that you are brilliant and beautiful beyond my wildest expectations. As you rightly pointed out, we never would have met had it not been for Dimensions. You are amazing, and I am very thankful for you. :wubu:
> 
> -David
> 
> ...and now we return you to our regularly scheduled thread of letters to people and things!



Awww. This is so sweet! The best thing I've seen all day. :happy:


----------



## AmazingAmy

Dear Mum,

So I can't even eat a bowl of cereal for my breakfast without you bringing up my weight, and how I 'don't care' about it. It's breakfast. It's cereal. IT'S THE MOST COMMON THING FOR ALL THE SKINNIES IN ALL THE WORLD TO HAVE.

But I'm fat, so I shouldn't.

I don't want to eat in front of you anymore. It's petulant, but I want to throw this bowl of food into the bush outside my window and just go hungry, because self-righteousness feels better than guilt for eating a small meal.

Wishing she wasn't yours,
Amy


----------



## AuntHen

AmazingAmy said:


> Dear Mum,
> 
> So I can't even eat a bowl of cereal for my breakfast without you bringing up my weight, and how I 'don't care' about it. It's breakfast. It's cereal. IT'S THE MOST COMMON THING FOR ALL THE SKINNIES IN ALL THE WORLD TO HAVE.
> 
> But I'm fat, so I shouldn't.
> 
> I don't want to eat in front of you anymore. It's petulant, but I want to throw this bowl of food into the bush outside my window and just go hungry, because self-righteousness feels better than guilt for eating a small meal.
> 
> Wishing she wasn't yours,
> Amy




Hugs Amy!!

My Mom was notorious for saying stuff like this to me when I was younger and around her.


----------



## Donna

AmazingAmy said:


> Dear Mum,
> 
> So I can't even eat a bowl of cereal for my breakfast without you bringing up my weight, and how I 'don't care' about it. It's breakfast. It's cereal. IT'S THE MOST COMMON THING FOR ALL THE SKINNIES IN ALL THE WORLD TO HAVE.
> 
> But I'm fat, so I shouldn't.
> 
> I don't want to eat in front of you anymore. It's petulant, but I want to throw this bowl of food into the bush outside my window and just go hungry, because self-righteousness feels better than guilt for eating a small meal.
> 
> Wishing she wasn't yours,
> Amy



When reading this letter, I immediately thought of an old thread on the BBW forum titled "Mom.." This post, over two years old, resonated so much with me that I always think back to it whenever I am dealing with my Mom, so I thought perhaps you would get something out of it as well. At least know you are not alone.


----------



## AmazingAmy

fat9276 said:


> Hugs Amy!!
> 
> My Mom was notorious for saying stuff like this to me when I was younger and around her.



Thanks, Bri.  I guess things are still this way for me now because we've still got the same living arrangements as when I was a teenager. I know things will change once I move out and set some boundaries for her, but that's not financially possible right now. Sigh.



Donna said:


> When reading this letter, I immediately thought of an old thread on the BBW forum titled "Mom.." This post, over two years old, resonated so much with me that I always think back to it whenever I am dealing with my Mom, so I thought perhaps you would get something out of it as well. At least know you are not alone.



That thread has made me feel soooo much better, Donna, thank you. I'm indeed not alone, and it's good to feel indignant about other peoples' mothers rather than my own. It's nice to read about people standing up to them, and that whether you're 22 or 55, parents don't change. Thanks again.


----------



## mszwebs

Dear Dennis,

I never thought I would be writing a letter like this, but here I am.

I am so proud of you. When we messed around a few years ago, afterward, I was almost dead positive that you were an FA so far in the closet, it was like the point of no return. 

But then tonight (due to facebook having your phone contacts show up in your settings) i came across your facebook picture where it seems you've just married a beautiful fat girl. And you look happy and proud in your picture.

Please have an amazing life together and love each other forever.

~ Jessica


----------



## SMA413

Dear Hopkins-
It really was an honor to even get the chance to interview with you. I thought it went really well. But then after not hearing anything for about 10 days, I got annoyed. When I called the hiring manager, I was told that it turned out they didn't have it in the budget to hire anyone new. WTF? Those kind of budget issues aren't usually a surprise discovery at the last minute. Why post the job opening if your budget was running low? Why did y'all have me fly all the way to Baltimore? THEN I was told that they'll "re-evaluate" their needs in about a month or so. This is the first time in about 10 years that I haven't worked. I'm going BANANAS. I can't wait around another month for a job. So I've set my sights on Austin now.
Love,
An amazing nurse that you're missing out on.

P.S.
In a month, if you decide that you want me, I'll be there in a heartbeat. LOL


----------



## idontspeakespn

Dear Hair,

Listen...we need to talk. We've been together a long time, you and I. We've been through it all: Hot combs that have burned my scalp as a child; my Aunt's terribly rough hands when braiding my hair; countless hours spent at the beauty salon, ANY salon trying to make you happy...we've had a great run, the pair of us.

Then I stopped relaxing you. We were getting predictable. Thought we needed a change, so I decided au naturale was the way to go. It seemed okay at first...less maintenance, more time to just have fun, but...

Well, there's no easy way to say this. Things aren't working out. They haven't been for a while. I mean...look at us together. If I straighten you with an flat iron you get angry and limp and you latch on to any water that's within a thousand yard radius and destroy all my hard work. 

If I kept you natural, you would either look really dry and frizzy, or if there was a slight breeze in the air, puff yourself up to make my head look like some follicle-based Swan topiary. It was EMBARRASSING. I can't take it anymore!

So, tomorrow, I'm going back to the hair dressers and having you cut. It's not forever, it's just how it has to be for a while. When you've had a chance to grow, we can think about getting back together, but for now, I need my space. I'm sorry.


----------



## TraciJo67

Dear Head In the Clouds,

Sometimes those feet really need to touch the earth, no matter how good it feels to just float. I know that you (think) that you're in love, and that this love is so special that nobody else in the world has ever experienced it, and that if questions or concerns are raised, it's because nobody truly understands how unique the experience is. Yeah. We've all felt that way, although most of us outgrew the starry-eyed impracticality of "love's first blush" in our late teens/early 20's. 

If he can't afford to buy your airline ticket so that you can begin a life together, that should be a tip-off that your life together is off to a ... shaky start, at best. This shouldn't even be your FIRST clue, but as clues go, it's fairly major. That's not even assuming that your Prince Charming should be able to financially support you, but if you can't do it for yourself, believe this: Love isn't going to keep you fed, pay your bills, and honor the committments that each of you made prior to your declarations of love, lust, and everything inbetween. 

People are what they are, and that includes the sum total of who they were, and the mistakes they made to get to who they are. People can say anything, feed you any line, declare love and verbalize a committment. Look to their past relationships, and to the patterns therein, to get an indication of who they REALLY are.

I don't like you, Head in the Clouds. I've never made a secret of that. But that doesn't mean that I'd like to see you get hurt. You're vulnerable. Extremely so. Anyone with a few synapses firing randomly in an otherwise empty noggin can figure that out, and rather quickly at that. You really need to back up, plant those feet on the ground, and take a very painful, very realistic look at this situation that you're getting yourself into.


----------



## KHayes666

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Head In the Clouds,
> 
> Sometimes those feet really need to touch the earth, no matter how good it feels to just float. I know that you (think) that you're in love, and that this love is so special that nobody else in the world has ever experienced it, and that if questions or concerns are raised, it's because nobody truly understands how unique the experience is. Yeah. We've all felt that way, although most of us outgrew the starry-eyed impracticality of "love's first blush" in our late teens/early 20's.
> 
> If he can't afford to buy your airline ticket so that you can begin a life together, that should be a tip-off that your life together is off to a ... shaky start, at best. This shouldn't even be your FIRST clue, but as clues go, it's fairly major. That's not even assuming that your Prince Charming should be able to financially support you, but if you can't do it for yourself, believe this: Love isn't going to keep you fed, pay your bills, and honor the committments that each of you made prior to your declarations of love, lust, and everything inbetween.
> 
> People are what they are, and that includes the sum total of who they were, and the mistakes they made to get to who they are. People can say anything, feed you any line, declare love and verbalize a committment. Look to their past relationships, and to the patterns therein, to get an indication of who they REALLY are.
> 
> I don't like you, Head in the Clouds. I've never made a secret of that. But that doesn't mean that I'd like to see you get hurt. You're vulnerable. Extremely so. Anyone with a few synapses firing randomly in an otherwise empty noggin can figure that out, and rather quickly at that. You really need to back up, plant those feet on the ground, and take a very painful, very realistic look at this situation that you're getting yourself into.



Apparently I must spread some rep around before I give it to you again, shows how much rep I usually give out. Great points all around


----------



## Isa

KHayes666 said:


> Apparently I must spread some rep around before I give it to you again, shows how much rep I usually give out. Great points all around



I got her for you! That was an amazing, thoughtful post.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Self,

So much of your life you have been afraid to tell people what you think and how you feel (or act upon that) due to your fear of rejection and hearing "no" or the thought of being disliked in some form. GET OVER IT!! People smell that weakness and will use it their advantage if they can. You know this because you have allowed it to happen over and over again. You have to take care of yourself too and although you shouldn't be rude and/or unhelpful, you have to say when enough is enough and what you will and will not tolerate! And if they don't like you as a result of this, then they probably never truly liked or cared about you to begin with. People do/get away with what you allow them to. YOU set the precedence my dear!

Be strong!

Me


----------



## Shosh

I do not like you either Traci Jo.

You have the chutzpah to come here and write that so called letter of concern about my wellbeing, when you were the very person that set up a hate group targeting myself on Facebook only a few days ago.

The purpose of this hate group? To write the most vile and nasty things about me, and have others join in for sport. At my expense.

I think you are coming here to write this faux letter of concern to cover your tracks because so many people are absolutely disgusted that you could stoop so low as to knowingly and deliberately and maliciously establishing this group.

It is a hate group. make no mistake about that.

I dislike you Traci Jo, but I would never set up such a hate group targeting you. It is just not something I would EVER do.

I rarely post here anymore. After staying silent for so long, I had to make my feelings known.

I shall go back to rarely posting.

You do not have the benefit of seeing this situation for both of its sides.

You are relying on information from one party of a situation from which to draw your facts.
There is a lot of information that you and others are not privy to.

For my privacy and that of my boyfriend, I will not go into that publicly.

I am a person who has done much for people over the years. I am talking a LOT of stuff. It gave me much happiness to be able to do so also.

I do not know why I am even bothering. It is not worth it. Your targeting of me will never end.

I hope that the Susannah hate group is bringing you lots of laughs and happiness.

Life for me goes on.


----------



## Shosh

Dear Daddy.

I love you and I miss you. I am going to write you that letter that my Boo made me promise to write to you.
I just keep forgetting to. I think I may have Alzeimers and not MS 

Love

Shoshie Bug


----------



## TraciJo67

Susannah, 
Check your timeline, dear. I established the parody group, which I will mention here because you have already done so, AFTER I posted this. 

Sure, lots of people think it's mean. Lots of people think that I'm mean. I seldom allow myself to be swayed by what lots of people think. I'm sure if you consider that for ... say, a nano-second, you'll realize that I'm stating a fact. Think again about my motives. You may learn something.

I was aghast that you'd stoop so low as to solicit money for a plane ticket to start a life with someone who clearly isn't able to provide for your needs. It would be a different story if you had the means by which to support yourself, but if you're seeking donations, then that's not the case. What actually alarms me is that you don't seem to hear those clanging bells that are all but shrieking 'DANGER' in your general direction. Again, not about your boyfriend. I don't have "sources", Susannah. Nobody is feeding me any gossip.This is about watching your online behaviors and all but stumbling over the red flags, and nobody seems to want to tell you the truth: You're flying into a world of hurt, with blinders on, and damn the torpedos.


----------



## KHayes666

TraciJo67 said:


> Susannah,
> Check your timeline, dear. I established the parody group, which I will mention here because you have already done so, AFTER I posted this.
> 
> Sure, lots of people think it's mean. Lots of people think that I'm mean. I seldom allow myself to be swayed by what lots of people think. I'm sure if you consider that for ... say, a nano-second, you'll realize that I'm stating a fact. Think again about my motives. You may learn something.
> 
> I was aghast that you'd stoop so low as to solicit money for a plane ticket to start a life with someone who clearly isn't able to provide for your needs. It would be a different story if you had the means by which to support yourself, but if you're seeking donations, then that's not the case. What actually alarms me is that you don't seem to hear those clanging bells that are all but shrieking 'DANGER' in your general direction. Again, not about your boyfriend. I don't have "sources", Susannah. Nobody is feeding me any gossip.This is about watching your online behaviors and all but stumbling over the red flags, and nobody seems to want to tell you the truth: You're flying into a world of hurt, with blinders on, and damn the torpedos.



You don't know the half of what she's done. It goes beyond that and its gotten to the point of paranoia. 

I say let her make her own mistakes. Then if something goes wrong she'll have no one to turn to because she burned so many bridges....and she'll have no one to blame but herself.


----------



## Shosh

TraciJo67 said:


> Susannah,
> Check your timeline, dear. I established the parody group, which I will mention here because you have already done so, AFTER I posted this.
> 
> Sure, lots of people think it's mean. Lots of people think that I'm mean. I seldom allow myself to be swayed by what lots of people think. I'm sure if you consider that for ... say, a nano-second, you'll realize that I'm stating a fact. Think again about my motives. You may learn something.
> 
> I was aghast that you'd stoop so low as to solicit money for a plane ticket to start a life with someone who clearly isn't able to provide for your needs. It would be a different story if you had the means by which to support yourself, but if you're seeking donations, then that's not the case. What actually alarms me is that you don't seem to hear those clanging bells that are all but shrieking 'DANGER' in your general direction. Again, not about your boyfriend. I don't have "sources", Susannah. Nobody is feeding me any gossip.This is about watching your online behaviors and all but stumbling over the red flags, and nobody seems to want to tell you the truth: You're flying into a world of hurt, with blinders on, and damn the torpedos.



Whatever Traci. You maliciously started that group, so your intentions were I am concerned are NOT honourable.

Once again, you are basing your ASSUMPTIONS that I am in danger based on information that is coming from one party, one source.

There is information that we could make public, but we choose to not do so.
So you are not working with all the facts and information Traci.

You and your hating friends can say whatever they want about me. That is not my problem, their issues are not my reality. Not who I am.

I put a wish out there to the universe, and I asked MY FRIENDS, of one you are not, for help to help me make it come true. I spoke about my wish and my life, I never demanded anything.
A friend of mine suggested I make it public.

My boyfriend did not want me to do it, but he loves me and allows me to make my own decisions.

I have given a lot to others over the years, and I did so with great happiness.

I love my boyfriend so much. He is a loving, kind, funny and caring man.

He is not perfect, I am not perfect, none of you are perfect.

We are in a stage of rebuilding right now after our lives have been decimated by the actions of others, but we will get there, together. A bunch of haters will not tear us down.

With that said I do not want to waste anymore of my valuable time interacting with a person such as yourself.


----------



## Carrie

Dear Internet, 

Sometimes I miss the good old days when people mostly used you for porn and lolcats. 

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## Paquito

Dear Me,

Hey, you. I've been meaning to tell you this for a while, but I've been holding back because I was afraid of all the talk.

You are literally perfect. Thank you for being you.

Sincerely, 
Me.


----------



## penguin

Paquito said:


> Dear Me,
> 
> Hey, you. I've been meaning to tell you this for a while, but I've been holding back because I was afraid of all the talk.
> 
> You are literally perfect. Thank you for being you.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Me.



Oh, look at you writing letters to me and getting the name wrong.


----------



## Proner

Dear Bitter-Crazy-Ninja Librarian, 

Got the message you have an eye on me because according to your mind I don't deserve to work here. But one advice if you try to do it without me noticing you, you might better take a trip to the sports section and read a bit "Ninjutsu: The art of the Invisible Warrior". If you want to do things, better to do them well, ok? Ok.

Dear Dims, 

I'm back! Letting overflowed with work but it's good to be here again


----------



## SMA413

Dear SMC-
Tomorrow will be my second interview within a week. One of your floors has to like me. Don't disappoint me.
Sincerely-
Seriously, this whole not working thing is driving me bananas.
-----
Dear San Antonio-
It would be just FANTASTIC if the temperatures could drop below 100 at some point. I'm pretty sure we've had over 70+ days straight of 100+ temps. This weekend is supposed to be between 105-107?? Is that a joke???
Love,
I'd like to be able to step outside and NOT be instantly drenched in sweat.
-----
Dear Ruby-
I think you're slightly crazy but have good intentions. Thanks for inspiring me to do what I've needed to do since December.
Love,
Your ex-boyfriend's best friend/your new friend 
-----
Dear ex-
Consider this your repossession notice. I'll be taking back the truck that's in MY name. After that, I have no reason left to have any ties with you.
Sincerely-
Your ex.
P.S. 
You still owe me $2500. Better start paying up.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Great Whatever,
please be kind to the peeps on the East Coast about to encounter the horrible hurricane that looks monstrous in space.
Thanks your pal
Snuggletiger
PS if you have to ruin someone's day I can forward you a list of people you could visit with the hurricane and pick out of the crowd.


----------



## one2one

Dear Mom,

I know we've had our difference over the years and probably will until the end of time. Not because we don't love each other, but because we're as different from one another as night and day. I wasn't the lady-like daughter you expected to have; in fact I was a bit of a tomboy and argued with you everyday before I went off to school in kindergarten about wearing a dress. I've never felt you were very good at accepting me for who I am and supporting my dreams. You don't think I call often enough and wonder why we're not best friends.

But I realized something today, when an old college friend of yours and her daughter were picking us up to go to the party this afternoon. As I was buckling my seat belt, I looked up to see your friend look at her 46 year old daughter in the rear view mirror and say, "I am not moving this car until you put your lipstick on!" And it was then that I realized, despite all of our differences and a million moments of conflict over the years, that you've never said anything like that to me. I realized, too, that all things considered I'm pretty lucky to have you, and I love you very much.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Yahoo Web Messenger:

I am confused about how you determine who, and what, is spam. It is inhibiting me catching up with someone i have not talked to in months. I dont know what the outcome will be. Why are you doing this.

Sincerely, - heyyou.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear My Employment? - Dear Casandra (My Manager (typed 8/28/2011)

Hello! This is (heyyou) you hired me on April 20th! The "Back Booth" pro.  I sort of "disappeared" after work the night of May 27th. This was due to that i got pulled over, and was subsequently "locked up" for having no license. I stayed in jail the whole summer as a result, i was released a few days ago. 
I wanted to write to enclose PROOF of that, that being the reason why I didnt come back! You know i -love- my job at ****, and would be honored, and i desire to, return. I really do love what I do at ***, I have not lost the enthusiasm or performance at all! 

I DO hope and pray that you will take me back onto the crew. Proof of "why I left involuntarily" is inside, and within a week I hope to come by, as I can resume where I left off in Florida as a best-case scenario. I would work whatever hours you could spare, even if its not as much as before. You know this, right Casandra? 

Ok, I will come in person soon. Thank you! - (heyyou,) E#/C# 139/139 

*My fellow DIMmers! I am about to go to the Post office to mail this. It is a PERFECT day here in Bayonne, NJ! People are still talking about the hurricane. Not I! As to this letter, please critique the letter i am writing in hopes to save my Employment in Florida! I tried for "short and simple" here, and i may be back there within the week. I am praying!! TY*


----------



## MissAshley

Dear me,

Note to self, if you want to keep good friends, don't share bills with them.


----------



## Linda

Dear Ass (not mine),

The silence is deafening. You are ignoring me right? I didn't miss something, a tiny morsel of the English language you attempted to throw my way?

I just don't get it.

Sincerely, 

Confused


----------



## TraciJo67

Heyyou said:


> Dear My Employment? - Dear Casandra (My Manager (typed 8/28/2011)
> 
> Hello! This is (heyyou) you hired me on April 20th! The "Back Booth" pro.  I sort of "disappeared" after work the night of May 27th. This was due to that i got pulled over, and was subsequently "locked up" for having no license. I stayed in jail the whole summer as a result, i was released a few days ago.
> I wanted to write to enclose PROOF of that, that being the reason why I didnt come back! You know i -love- my job at ****, and would be honored, and i desire to, return. I really do love what I do at ***, I have not lost the enthusiasm or performance at all!
> 
> I DO hope and pray that you will take me back onto the crew. Proof of "why I left involuntarily" is inside, and within a week I hope to come by, as I can resume where I left off in Florida as a best-case scenario. I would work whatever hours you could spare, even if its not as much as before. You know this, right Casandra?
> 
> Ok, I will come in person soon. Thank you! - (heyyou,) E#/C# 139/139
> 
> *My fellow DIMmers! I am about to go to the Post office to mail this. It is a PERFECT day here in Bayonne, NJ! People are still talking about the hurricane. Not I! As to this letter, please critique the letter i am writing in hopes to save my Employment in Florida! I tried for "short and simple" here, and i may be back there within the week. I am praying!! TY*


 
Dear heyyou,

I think I'd take the easy way out and kiss this job goodbye. And not list it on my resume for future employers. Just let her think that you vanished into the magical void of indifference.


----------



## thatgirl08

S, 

I want your boyfriend. I want to get him drunk and take him home and do nasty things to him and I want to wake up and make him breakfast and play with his hair and give him all the things I know you can't. 

- R


----------



## MissAshley

Dear all the men who treat me like a piece of meat,

Think about your 15 year old daughters getting sexually harassed by your sleazy friends next time you try to do it to me, thanks.


----------



## KHayes666

MissAshley said:


> Dear all the men who treat me like a piece of meat,
> 
> Think about your 15 year old daughters getting sexually harassed by your sleazy friends next time you try to do it to me, thanks.



You assume that the types of men that harass you have a chance in hell of ever having kids with someone willing to do so with such a sleazebag.


----------



## Heyyou

MissAshley said:


> Dear all the men who treat me like a piece of meat,
> 
> Think about your 15 year old daughters getting sexually harassed by your sleazy friends next time you try to do it to me, thanks.



Im really sorry to hear about people doing that! That is soo not cool.


----------



## Blackjack

KHayes666 said:


> You assume that the types of men that harass you have a chance in hell of ever having kids with someone willing to do so with such a sleazebag.



Unless they're already married and have children. Which is entirely possible.


----------



## KHayes666

Blackjack said:


> Unless they're already married and have children. Which is entirely possible.



Ah yes, another sad but true fact.


----------



## CAMellie

B,

I tried to be there for you, but you decided to treat me like dog crap. I'm not putting myself in that situation again. Take the hint...go away!


M.


----------



## Jess87

Dear Grandma,

I love that we have a close relationship. However, there are some things that should be left unsaid or reworded. When I walk towards you, I'd rather not hear you say "bounce, bounce, bounce." It's only funny in between being mildly disturbing. If we could both forget that moment, it would be just brilliant.

Thank you.


----------



## Shosh

Dear Spring,

Thank you for coming and gracing us with your lovely presence. You bring with you a sense of renewal and new beginnings, and you make people's hearts so light and glad.

Although I will have two winters this year, may I enjoy your warmth for a few months yet.

Shoshana


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Shoshie,

On your same note, I have to be grateful for the cooling down that finally occurred today after a 90 degree weekend. I'm looking forward to fall whilst you are enjoying the coming of spring. I always think that is kind of groovy 

Moi


----------



## Mishty

Hey Miss M,

I'm sorry I upset you, I'm sorry you seem to think it was my fault, I'm sorry I asked you how my cunt tasted, I'm sorry I had intercourse three years ago, with my best friend, (whom you've been "dating" for three weeks) I'm sorry I let him buy me a sundae. I'm not sorry he took my side, I'm not sorry that made you cry harder, I'm not sorry for defending myself. Don't assume because I've got five years, and two hundred pounds on you that I haven't had him on me. 

Thank you sugar,
Misty 


P.S. I'm sending him home now, un-touched, and in a better mood. 

P.P.S. Hippies don't like 'hate' in any form, they don't like conflict, they loathe meanness, and have nothing but love to give. Turn the Sirius down in your Lexus, take off the lashes,blow the white girl out of your nose and just listen to what he's trying to say man....

______________________________________________________________

Rain,

Keep it comin', fuck all these haters! You sound/feel/taste/smell amazing!

-
Rain Dog


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky

As she sits with me I can see it in her eyes and the look in her face...you're taking her away again aren't you. Bit by bit she is fading, and each obstacle you place in her way only makes her disappear that much faster. I can't bear the idea of what it would do to my mother if you don't shift your focus. It's hard having to put on a brave face all the time...seriously, I hate this.
Please sprinkle some happy over this family of mine.

Love
Kimberly


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Universe

for some reason over the last few years whenever I seem to get some sunshine in my life it is deemed that the rug needs to be pulled out from under me, if you could see your way clear to just mayby giving me a little hope and helping him over the fear it would be more than appreciated

Love me


Dear Me

Hang in there I know this is killing you and you feel lost. You are not used to not being able to do anything to change the situation and you suck at the waiting game. Please do your best not to drive yourself insane, you are worth so much more than you know and keep working on what you need to for now hopefully you will have an answer soon


Amanda


----------



## The Orange Mage

Dear Odds,

Stop being so hilariously stacked against me. I mean, seriously? You expect me to believe that all of those things will work for somebody? Gimme a break.

-M


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Hands of Fate,

I'm not afraid of anything alive walking this earth.....but the last 48 hours have scared me beyond belief. Let's just say I'll be a lot more careful in the future.

Signed, 
Me


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Great Whatever
Please be nice to Amanda, she's good people.
Thanks,
Your Pal
Snuggletiger <giant paw print>


----------



## SMA413

Dear Texas-
It would be GREAT if you could stop burning. The wildfire a few blocks from my house was exciting and all (and luckily extinguished by now) but I'm pretty sure Bastrop could use a break.
Thanks so much-
Sam


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Self,

You can't do everything by yourself. Let people help. 

Also, eat the damned cookie and stop scratching yourself raw. 

Love,
Yourself


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Great Whatever, 
Just let me know if the rumor is true or not.
Thanks
your pal
ME


----------



## Gingembre

Dear boy,

I miss you so much; "I miss you" isn't nearly enough to cover it. I don't know how to explain how much I wish you were here, so I'm borrowing some lyrics from Bruno Mars. I don't think he'd mind.

"I know you're somewhere out there,
Somewhere far away.
I want you back
I want you back.
My neighbours think I'm crazy,
But they don't understand,
You're all I have.
You're all I have.

At night, when the stars light up my room,
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon,
Trying to get to you.
In hopes you're on the other side,
Talking to me too.
Or am I a fool who sits alone
Talking to the moon?

I'm feeling like I'm famous,
The talk of the town.
They say I've gone mad,
Yeah I've gone mad.
But they don't know what I know,
'Cause when the sun goes down, 
Someone's talking back,
Yeah they're talking back.

At night, when the stars light up my room,
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon,
Trying to get to you.
In hopes you're on the other side,
Talking to me too.
Or am I a fool who sits alone
Talking to the moon?"

I know you're talking back.

Love you,

L x


----------



## Lastminute.Tom

dear girl,

is there no way you'd consider a "vanilla" relationship, could we start there or are you just going to shoot me down as soon as I suggest it, chains a whips excite me too but I'm not sure how much of it is me and how much of it I've cultivated trying to be who I think you want me to be, sometimes I just want cuddles or a bit of spooning with a cheeky tit grab


----------



## spiritangel

dear starkid

you make life worth living, so glad I found the youtube converter now I can watch avpm (well when i get the second half) and avps whenever I want as well as all your awesome leaky con and other footage

this has made my day 


a starstruck fan


----------



## SMA413

Dear HR deities-
I've cast out a lot of lines. I've gotten a few bites. But alas, I have not landed my 5 pound bass of a job. This needs to change ASAP.
Love-
I've worked almost non-stop since I was 15. I can't handle an unemployed life.

-----

Dear boy toy-

I feel like things are fading. I'm not a fan of this.  I know things have been crazy in each of our lives lately but a whole week without a text? No bueno. Let's fix this.

- Me


----------



## idontspeakespn

Dear Roxie, 

Hun, I love you. I really do. You've got a heart of gold and you're smart and always interesting to talk to. But you need to learn that you're not always right, that not everyone will want to hear your loud and often inappropriate opinions which are based on superficial appearances and assumptions, *not* fact and that YOU. ARE. YOUNG. AND. STUPID. 

Your biggest concern is that you won't get to go on holiday this year, even though there are bigger things going on in your life. You focus on too much of what others have going on, and are not content to live the life God/fate/your own actions has given you. Your life isn't perfect, so what? No one's is. 

You need to be flexible. Not everyone is going to step out of university and land a 30,000 pound dream job 6 months out. That's not how it works. You need to get your hands dirty. *You need to be flexible*. You need to understand that life will sometimes suck and you have to make the best of it. 

I am almost 30 and I understand that I still know next to jack-shit about life. 

You are 22, and you know next to jack shit about life. About time you start realising it. 

I still love you, for all that...but seriously. Get a clue. 

Love,

T.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear friend,

I love you, and I'm glad _you're_ happy.. but this is fucking ridiculous. You started dating in may, not even two months later you _spoke_ of marriage. It's now September, you're engaged and he wants to get you pregnant ---- WHY DON'T YOU SEE WHAT WE SEE! :'( 

Despite my being against your marriage, I will be there for you and support you through it and the rest of your life. We've been friends 10 years and I won't let end it over your life decisions, we've been through too much to let that happen. 

Sincerely Concerned,
Deathcow.


----------



## thatgirl08

Dear roomie,

I'm sick of being solely responsible for everything.. bills, cleaning, grocery shopping. I'm sick of picking up after you and your boyfriend. I'm sick of you being rude when I have people over but yet having to be nice to your dbag boyfriend who treats me like shit EVERY FUCKING DAY. I'm sick of you replacing me with him when we're supposed to be best friends. I hope you know that I won't be around forever. I'm legally bound to you until May but it's not going to be the same after that.. ever. You've made your bed, now lie in it. Honestly, I hope he dumps your ass so you realize that you've let go of everything important for him. Oh and I'm fucking PISSED you locked me out of the apartment tonight.. as I was carrying up 80 pounds of groceries for us.. even if it was an accident. FUCK YOU.

Rachel.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Tiana

you may be to little to understand just how much sunshine you have bought into our lives, your visit today may have been short, and unplanned cause mummy locked herself out of the house but it meant the world to me. Your hugs make me remember the good things and your smile lights up any room you enter. You are a delightful child, our little angel and I am so glad I am your Aunty

Love

Aunty Amanda


----------



## Mishty

Sweet M,

Oh honey girl, thank you for saying everything, everyone else was scared to say. Thank you for putting everything out in the open. Bless you for being such an amazing and gentle soul that has given me a second chance because of the loss we endured. You are an amazing Lady, and the thought of getting to know you, and allowing our hearts to bond, is the greatest honor. 


-Misty


_Let's watch a game for Ashes, I'll even root for the home team in her memory. _


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear CNN/Fox/ABC/NBC/CBS

I am sick of 9/11 and the 10 yr aftermath shows. Sick of hearing about new terror threats when y'all been saying since 9/11 "They'll be back at an anniversary date" so we fast forward to the 10 year mark to see NYC leadership running around like headless chickens going OMG something bad might happen to NYC it can't happen cuz its NYC. Get over it they put a bomb in 1993 at the front of the building y'all laughed it off saying ITS NYC nothing bad can ever happen to NYC so in 2001 they blew the buildings off the face of the earth and y'all did your OMG ITS NYC give us money. Ya got your money, 10 years of media. now GO AWAY suck it up. Pearl Harbor survivors didn't whine as much.

Signed 
Someone in the western part of the USA. Wow imagine a part of the USA thats not NY.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Schwinn 26" L Comfort bicycle at Walmart, in blue and white for $179:

You have been purchased. I love you.

Sincerely, - heyyou


----------



## Mathias

Dear People I live with,

Some of us have classes at 9AM on Fridays so we don't appreciate you and your friends bellowing like drunken dipshits until 3:30 in the morning. Take it somewhere else.

Sincerely,

Your pissed off and sleep deprived roommate.


----------



## Blackjack

snuggletiger said:


> Dear CNN/Fox/ABC/NBC/CBS
> 
> I am sick of 9/11 and the 10 yr aftermath shows. Sick of hearing about new terror threats when y'all been saying since 9/11 "They'll be back at an anniversary date" so we fast forward to the 10 year mark to see NYC leadership running around like headless chickens going OMG something bad might happen to NYC it can't happen cuz its NYC. Get over it they put a bomb in 1993 at the front of the building y'all laughed it off saying ITS NYC nothing bad can ever happen to NYC so in 2001 they blew the buildings off the face of the earth and y'all did your OMG ITS NYC give us money. Ya got your money, 10 years of media. now GO AWAY suck it up. Pearl Harbor survivors didn't whine as much.
> 
> Signed
> Someone in the western part of the USA. Wow imagine a part of the USA thats not NY.



snuggletiger:

Some people- especially those who lost someone in the attacks- like to see these memorials. Overplayed? Sure, but you can't act like it's not a significant event to a _lot _of people.

And it's not just distasteful but fucking insulting to tell people to "suck it up" if their family members or close friends died.

I understand that you're sick of the media making a month-long ordeal out of it. I am too. But to take that out on those who survived and the friends and family of those who didn't?

*removed by mod*

Signed,
A family friend was in one of the towers helping people escape when it fell


----------



## CastingPearls

Blackjack said:


> snuggletiger:
> 
> Some people- especially those who lost someone in the attacks- like to see these memorials. Overplayed? Sure, but you can't act like it's not a significant event to a _lot _of people.
> 
> And it's not just distasteful but fucking insulting to tell people to "suck it up" if their family members or close friends died.
> 
> I understand that you're sick of the media making a month-long ordeal out of it. I am too. But to take that out on those who survived and the friends and family of those who didn't?
> 
> *removed by mod*
> 
> Signed,
> A family friend was in one of the towers helping people escape when it fell


Blackjack,

Thank you.

Signed,
Someone who lost a family member in the attack.


----------



## krystalltuerme

Dear Car--

I've taken very good care of you; now could you do a favor for me? When I wake up tomorrow I'd like you to have fixed yourself, so I don't have to spend my weekend removing your engine.

Please?
--G


----------



## Frankie

Well said. Thank you, Blackjack.

Snuggletiger, you are a callous jackass.



Blackjack said:


> snuggletiger:
> 
> Some people- especially those who lost someone in the attacks- like to see these memorials. Overplayed? Sure, but you can't act like it's not a significant event to a _lot _of people.
> 
> And it's not just distasteful but fucking insulting to tell people to "suck it up" if their family members or close friends died.
> 
> I understand that you're sick of the media making a month-long ordeal out of it. I am too. But to take that out on those who survived and the friends and family of those who didn't?
> 
> Go fuck yourself. With a rusty garden tool, preferably.
> 
> Signed,
> A family friend was in one of the towers helping people escape when it fell


----------



## KHayes666

snuggletiger said:


> Dear CNN/Fox/ABC/NBC/CBS
> 
> I am sick of 9/11 and the 10 yr aftermath shows. Sick of hearing about new terror threats when y'all been saying since 9/11 "They'll be back at an anniversary date" so we fast forward to the 10 year mark to see NYC leadership running around like headless chickens going OMG something bad might happen to NYC it can't happen cuz its NYC. Get over it they put a bomb in 1993 at the front of the building y'all laughed it off saying ITS NYC nothing bad can ever happen to NYC so in 2001 they blew the buildings off the face of the earth and y'all did your OMG ITS NYC give us money. Ya got your money, 10 years of media. now GO AWAY suck it up. Pearl Harbor survivors didn't whine as much.
> 
> Signed
> Someone in the western part of the USA. Wow imagine a part of the USA thats not NY.



While most of your post is very dismissive of people's feelings and makes you look like a total jackass, there are some parts I agree with.

I too feel like the 9/11 anniversary has been shoved down our throats and can't wait for it to be over. What happened was indeed a terrible tragedy but now its being used in other ways. The front page of the Globe had a muslim woman on it with the story saying she couldn't even walk outside in fear of her life after 9/11. Yes, 3,000 Americans died in a horrific attack but then lets spin it around to make it look like they deserved it while this poor woman is afraid.

Speaking of which, that reminds me sitting in the assembly in high school following the actual attack and one of the muslim teachers went on stage about it. I'm expecting the usual "terrible event, never should have happened" but instead we got her saying the US is notorious for war and deserved what they got. She even said "Maybe this will show we are all muslims now." Would you be surprised this woman got a STANDING OVATION from the crowd after dismissing the fact people were killed and saying it was our fault they died?

I'm not going to disregard the families of those who lost loved ones, but I just can't listen to anymore horror stories. A few days ago I saw on tv children who were born after the attack crying that they never knew their respective parents who died in the attack. Its just too much to shake your head at and I for one can't wait for it to be over.

Signed,

Hugo Stiglitz



PS:

You weren't around on December 7, 1951. How would you know what people were saying 10 years after Pearl Harbor with the Korean War raging and the Giants winning the pennant?


----------



## MissAshley

Dear friend/roommate,

I understand you say you are happy with her and if you are, then I am happy for you. But I still think you are making a big mistake. She moved herself in here along with her 3 kids to sleep and live in the living room when they had a home before that was fine. Why? Who does that? You only knew her for 3 weeks before they moved in. And this house was already full enough. They need to leave, or we are. That's just how it is. 

If would be different if it was just her and she actually contributed financially but she doesn't have a job and I can tell you are already supporting each and every one of them and you know you can't afford it. A 25 year old guy working a barely above min wage job cannot support himself AND his unemployed girlfriend and her 3 kids. She's taking you to the cleaners and you are so blindly into her that you can't see it. 

I'm sorry this is ruining our friendship but I can't live with 10 people constantly in the this house with 3 of them being young children. This is not what I signed up for. It's entirely too crowded and noisy. I feel like this isn't my home anymore because they run the house except for my bedroom. Not cool considering I pay rent, they don't. 

It's not working for me anymore and this will be over soon because the landlord is notified. I'm sorry.


----------



## Amatrix

You must get more rep before you can rep Blackjack.:bow:

Or something like that. Unf unf. I, too, think the 9/11 thing has been commercialized but I would never mock anyone's loss or feelings about something so personal.

Dear Coworker,

Please get it together. You have a baby, and while I am all for your nightly binges with me in the dark corner of the strip club... I should not have to cover your shift, and my own... alone. I love you, but you have been a hot mess lately. We have more hours at work, but you barely make it there on time. You hardly work, and fuck up what I have done- constantly. Nearly puking on a customer, throwing my purse on the ground because you could not find my tylenol, and making really rude comments about a customer's hair color are really pushing it.
I am only taking this math class with you, because you wanted me in this class. Now you copy my work, and complain when we get a low grade. Ii paid your light bill, because you went into the red on your card. I didn't do it so you could blow dry your hair and end up late for work, I did it for your kid.
My sisters no longer want to babysit your kid for free, it has been 2 months and they warned you that with fall coming they had other things going on.
So glad I did not move in with you. 

Seriously concerned about your future.
Best friend.

(I actually emailed this to her... I wont see her for 2 days because I am off and she has a long math test to redo.)

Dear Dudebro,
Hey.
Winkyface.
Come. At. Me. Bro.
Bring cake.
<3ski
I might have ripped my wings from my spine, but when I hide inside your eyes I still pretend I can fly. 
I know you are out there. Find me.
I swear forever, as long as you want. 

<3 Chubby Kitten


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Rooney,
Big Ben is Big Loser
Trade him either for a lampshade or for future draft picks
Signed
Your Pal
Snuggletiger.


----------



## SMA413

Dear triple double Oreos-
Where have you been all of my life??
<3
Milk and cookies


----------



## KHayes666

Dear you crack-addicted pest of a human being,

You insult me....fine, I'm game. You insult my fiancee, you're a real piece of shit.

I hope there's a spot reserved in hell for you for even having the audacity to insult not only someone that everyone likes, but someone that had NOTHING to do with our (meaning you and I) situation.

To quote Stewie Griffin...you SUCK!


Signed,

Me


----------



## Proner

Dear Kid,

Don't let anyone make you down because of your dreams. You want to be librarian because you like reading and the atmosphere there is in libraries, go for it because doing job you like is priceless. 
I noticed other kids teased you and said that libraries will not exist anymore in the future, don't listen to them they have other interests and not open minded, it's their loss.
Oh and you like Jules Verne and that's amazing, wanted to high five you but feared your teacher thinks I'm crazy 

Captain Nemo's fan


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear God-

Thank you for hearing my prayers. Thank you for letting the words flow off of my pen and for putting the ideas into my head when I was in need of them. Thank you for the blessings of family and friendship which you have bestowed upon me. Thank you for showing me that love can and does come in many shapes and forms--from the immediately recognizable to the almost indistinguishably subtle. I am truly gracious to have received your abundant blessings.
Me


----------



## Linda

Dear Disgraceful,

I can not believe that you emailed me asking, "I know a lot of people are going to ask me about his face so just tell me what kind of fucked up disease does he have that he would look like that?"

Secondly I can not believe you were pissed at my reply, stating that it is not my place to discuss it with you and gossip about a coworker. 

I understand your pissed because I didn't give in to your typical nosey character but if you slam the phone down in my ear one more time I am going to come up there and give you a piece of my mind.

Can we just try to act like a compassionate, empathetic human being and realize he has probably dealt with your kind all of his life and he really shouldn't have to at work. We are all professionals. At least I thought so.

Sincerely,
Tired of your crap


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear cats,

Let me up!

Love,
Mom


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Dimensions automatic notifier thingamajiggie,

Here is a post. Now go away.

Thanks

CAMellie


----------



## CAMellie

Person(s),

Having a "disorder" does not mean that you have a free ticket to act like an ass! If you KNOW you have this disorder - and are well aware of the signs and/or symptoms - back away from the computer. 
"I'm gonna talk shit but you have to forgive me because I have *insert disorder here*" is bullshit.

Melanie

P.S. You have to forgive me...I'm bi-polar


----------



## Heyyou

CAMellie said:


> Person(s),
> 
> Having a "disorder" does not mean that you have a free ticket to act like an ass! If you KNOW you have this disorder - and are well aware of the signs and/or symptoms - back away from the computer.
> "I'm gonna talk shit but you have to forgive me because I have *insert disorder here*" is bullshit.
> 
> Melanie
> 
> P.S. You have to forgive me...I'm bi-polar



Dear CAMeille: 

I know that was aimed at me. Kindly refrain from your sarcasm, and read this. http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1784681&postcount=48

Thank you, - heyyou.

Dear State of Florida:

Thank you SO MUCH! I did not know i could go online and order a replacement ID! Thank you! 7 to 10 days awaits. My job awaits! 

Soncerely, - heyyou 

Dear Mom: 

Thank you for letting me order my ID with your credit card over the phone (since i did not have mine.) I love you.

Sincerely, - heyyou.

Dear M2M: 

Thank you SO MUCH for this true, accurate, factual post. I will post it again, i think the quoted poster needs to read it once or twice since i like to be assertive, yet correct. Here it is http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1784681&postcount=48

Thank you. 

Sincerely, - heyyou.


----------



## CAMellie

If the shirt fits...wear it.

Take it easy,

Melanie


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Ignore List,

snugglesnugglesnugglesnuggle


All my love forever,
Melanie


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky,

Please look after her and *please* make sure that she doesn't feel that needle going into her spine. If you could do that I would be ever so happy. I'm a ball of knots right now.

Love Kimberly


PS. When I am finally settled in my seat, hand in his, please make sure that the big metal bird stays in the damn sky and lands properly. Ta.


----------



## NewfieGal

Dear Telemarketers,

I know you have a job to do but so do I... and getting off work at 730am not getting home and in bed till 830 and then being woken by you at 9am asking do i want to switch my phone plan is seriously not cool... if i wanted to switch my plan i would have... so please leave your phoning of people here in Newfoundland till after lunch so those of us who don't have a 9-5 job can get some sleep

Sincerely,
Queen of the Night Shift


----------



## Heyyou

Dear http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1784760&postcount=2812 

Wrong.

Thanks though  - heyyou

Dear http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1784760&postcount=2813

Your loss. Im not concerned. 

Take it easy, - heyyou

Dear Readers:

Get out your 3-D goggles! Its gonna be a "reallybigshoe."

Sincerely, - heyyou


----------



## penguin

Dear emotions,

Get off this damned roller coaster. Let's just go for a nice cruise, hey?

Dear self,

Stop reading things you know you shouldn't. And go put the washing away.

Dear housework,

Go do yourself.


----------



## mimosa

Dear friends on Dimensions

If someone is bothering you here, Do not waste precious energy. There is a sweet little ignore button. Pressing it will restore beautiful peace to you. You'll feel a lot better. 

Peace to all, 

Mimosa


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Starkid

I know I post oodles about you all over the place but you truly have amazing powers to make me laugh. to give me hope and to just all in all help me get through the day.

I cant wait for avpt 

starkstruck


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Mimosa, 

That last letter you wrote is yet another reason im cool with you. You always have the best advice! Bless you for that. Nothing but good things to say about you, and hi-five!

Sincerely, - heyyou

Dear Certain Other (Posters and People,)

Yeah, sure some of yall got to me a little bit. Seeing things called "bullshit" and then agreed upon by other equally-minded people just stressed to me how dismissive and "needing to be right" yall are. And yall know who has what sentiments. So, congratulate yourself on riling the heyyou a full 30%, I feel ive done a good job of exposing some attitudes and in the end i need to learn to laugh about it because "We cannot change the past. We cannot change the inevitable. We cannot change the actions of others. The only thing we can change, is our attitude. Life is 10% of what happens to us, and 90% of how we react to it. Attitude!"

So you go ahead with that, your attempts to make me feel bad or knock me down have failed, though i was a little bit worked up at first.

Please, just let it go, i think weve fought this out pretty well and you definitely made it a challenge. And since i appreciate the effort, let me say: Thanks. Not sure what else to say, bros. lol. *sigh*

If you dont like me then just leave me the eff alone and stop dropping little snippets, that will go well towards reciprocation of the same from my end.Calling that BS demonstrates ignorance.

Sincerely, - heyyou


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Carphone Warehouse Telesales Team,

I KNOW my contract is coming up for renewal and that I am entitled to an upgrade. I have told you that I will sort it myself online or instore because I can't deal with the sales pitch over the phone and can't take all the technical information in. I know this doesn't help you get your commission, and that I might not get as good a deal doing to myself, but that's life. NOW STOP CALLING ME 6+ TIMES A DAY...i am not going to answer.

Thank you,

Irritated customer who will sort her phone in her own time.


----------



## CAMellie

Darling sleep,

Why have you forsaken me? I confessed my love for you so that the world would know just how very much you mean to me...and yet you are eluding me.
Just tell me what I should do to recapture your attention and it shall be done.

Yours always,

Melanie


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Friend in Florida,

Things have been very very eventful but i am glad there is a road back to normalcy. My ID will be in the mail it will be here, so thats a good thing. How is everything going? I may try to stay inside today its very hot out, i got all worked up and sweated up yesterday and tired but im starting to feel better. I may go to the beach, though, because its not humid. Ill do that later. (That ID coming in the mail is really a breath of fresh air. All good things go from there! Plenty of people tried to tear me down for sharing, im glad you are not one of them. I made some good friends too in this short period of time.) How is Melbourne?

Ill TTYS, ive been all over the place this past week and one week ago 24 hours times 7 i began my journey. Im finally here! Feels good.  Have a good one, glad you made a new friend as well.

Sincerely, - heyyou


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear flu-like symptoms that don't seem to be the flu...you are being given your eviction notice, please vacate immediately!
Your landlord


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Roaches:

GO AWAY!!! GO play outside or something one of you just CRAWLED ON MY SCREEN and now i have WD40 on my HD 15.6" screen. PLEASE just GO BREED IN THE TREES and STOP CRAWLING ALL AROUND/ON ME!!!!

Thanks, im going to have to buy more WD40 because of all you little German cockroaches omfg. 

(Just snapped a photo of the little guy on the upper left hand corner of my L755 and NO im not sharing it, thats awful. Im .. Oooo.  I dont even know where he CAME from.)

Sincerely, - heyyou 

Dear Exterminator:

Please, appear. This situation just got ratcheted up a whole new level between me and the non-two-legged Roaches (in my house.)


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Walmart.com
I thank you for the letter in response to my wanting a refund on the peanut butter cups that I ordered from your on-line ordering service. I wasn't sure if you knew that you had someone working in your shipping department who was idiotic enough to send my peanut butter cups through the mail in a large manila envelope--you knowwww...the envelopes that run through the mail sorting machines...and flatten out your packages. I was not happy to receive my package. As you might have already guessed it was a nasty melted crushed together mess of inedible glop inside a manila envelope. I thought you should know that this sort of thing happens when you employ people who can't read or use any sense of common logic. I still giggle that some idiot thought it best to put a crushable, melt-able food item in a manila envelope to ship to someone. Although I did NOT appreciate your opening statement of..."We are sorry that your items weren't shipped as you wanted them to be shipped.." (thus showing that you didn't take responsibility for your idiotic employee and putting the blame on me for the product being destroyed)--I do appreciate your refund and offer to expedite my shipping for free on my next order. I might actually try your service again. 
Thank you
PB cup Attila


----------



## SMA413

mimosa said:


> Dear friends on Dimensions
> 
> If someone is bothering you here, Do not waste precious energy. There is a sweet little ignore button. Pressing it will restore beautiful peace to you. You'll feel a lot better.
> 
> Peace to all,
> 
> Mimosa



Yes, it is quite peaceful now. :happy:



Lovelyone said:


> Dear Walmart.com
> I thank you for the letter in response to my wanting a refund on the peanut butter cups that I ordered from your on-line ordering service. I wasn't sure if you knew that you had someone working in your shipping department who was idiotic enough to send my peanut butter cups through the mail in a large manila envelope--you knowwww...the envelopes that run through the mail sorting machines...and flatten out your packages. I was not happy to receive my package. As you might have already guessed it was a nasty melted crushed together mess of inedible glop inside a manila envelope. I thought you should know that this sort of thing happens when you employ people who can't read or use any sense of common logic. I still giggle that some idiot thought it best to put a crushable, melt-able food item in a manila envelope to ship to someone. Although I did NOT appreciate your opening statement of..."We are sorry that your items weren't shipped as you wanted them to be shipped.." (thus showing that you didn't take responsibility for your idiotic employee and putting the blame on me for the product being destroyed)--I do appreciate your refund and offer to expedite my shipping for free on my next order. I might actually try your service again.
> Thank you
> PB cup Attila



You could always put the glob in the freezer to reharden. Then use a rolling pin to crush it up or a butcher knife to chop it up into little pieces. The pieces could be used in baking or ice cream toppings. 

-----

Dear manager at new job-

Your lack of response/delayed response time does not give me warm happy feelings about the future. Thanks for giving me the job.... but now I need to know details that were promised to be given on Monday and it is now Thursday. 

Thanks so much.
Relocating to a new city for this job- I kinda need to know the exact start date

-----

Dear RP-

I have a feeling that you'll win this "wait it out" game that we seem to be playing.

-Me


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Internet:

WTH is your PROBLEM today! Comcast is THAT bad? Point noted.

Going to hotspot. Screw you, Comcast! 

Sincerely - Internet user.


Dear SMA413: 

Best luck with the new job. I _do_ hope they arent just jerking you around in regards to start date because, believe it or not, i too have changed cities to start a lucrative job and things werent fun until my first direct deposit. Still happy you got it, thats a good thing. Thats all ill say, but congratulations.

Sincerely - View Post

Dear Beachside Internet Cafe:

Be there in 20 minutes.

Sincerely - Florida's newest beach "bum" i dont like that term but oh well.

Dear Mimosa:

May I buy you a Mimosa one day? Its a drink, right? I dont even drink and id like to try it. 

Sincerely, - heyyou.

Dear Roaches:

Im going to kill you all. One at a time, if i have to. Crawling on my laptop today WHILE IT WAS ON MY LAP was NOT COOL. You just crossed a line, roaches. 

Sincerely, - heyyou.


----------



## Lovelyone

Hey you said:


> Y
> 
> You could always put the glob in the freezer to reharden. Then use a rolling pin to crush it up or a butcher knife to chop it up into little pieces. The pieces could be used in baking or ice cream toppings.



The mini peanut butter cups come with little paper cups around them (just like Reese's PB cups.) when they arrived, they were all smashed and melted together in one flat lump of goo--papers and all--that had leaked out of the original bag into the mail envelope from what I assumed to have been being run through the sorting machines at the post office. You could see the lines. It looked as if someone had actually set the package on the floor and stomped on it several hundreds of times. The package was not salvageable. The whole point of ordering on line is convenience. I do not see the convenience of having to freeze, roll out and then crush up with a butcher knife into little pieces. I didn't order them that way and I paid my own good money to receive a product the way that it was advertised. Either way I got my refund and I am happy.


----------



## SMA413

Lovelyone said:


> The mini peanut butter cups come with little paper cups around them (just like Reese's PB cups.) when they arrived, they were all smashed and melted together in one flat lump of goo--papers and all--that had leaked out of the original bag into the mail envelope from what I assumed to have been being run through the sorting machines at the post office. You could see the lines. It looked as if someone had actually set the package on the floor and stomped on it several hundreds of times. The package was not salvageable. The whole point of ordering on line is convenience. I do not see the convenience of having to freeze, roll out and then crush up with a butcher knife into little pieces. I didn't order them that way and I paid my own good money to receive a product the way that it was advertised. Either way I got my refund and I am happy.



LOL. I forgot about those stupid paper cups. :doh: Oh well.  Glad they're working on fixing your problem.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear SMA413: 

Congrats on new job.

Sincerely - heyyou


----------



## Heyyou

Heyyou said:


> Dear SMA413:
> 
> Congrats on new job.
> 
> Sincerely - heyyou



Dear Self (heyyou

Dont do that again. Now you know what that could be interpreted as.

(recipient of previous letter: Apologies. It will not happen again.)

Focus on other things, think of next week, and pray for your new friend to steer things in a good direction regarding the house you live in. Hopefully he can do something good for you in that bad situation. But be AWARE of what you need to do and NOT DO on here. ENSURE that you dont repeat the mistake in that last letter you wrote. You already know the 360, so, act accordingly. Else imma slap you.  after they do, if you are that stupid to do it again. :doh:

Sincerely, - heyyou.


----------



## mimosa

Heyyou said:


> Dear Mimosa:
> 
> May I buy you a Mimosa one day? Its a drink, right? I dont even drink and id like to try it.
> 
> Sincerely, - heyyou.



Dear Heyyou, 

I also don't drink. Do you like ice cream? Maybe we can have an ice cream someday. 

Sunshine and smiles, 

Mimosa

Dear SMA413: 

I am glad you got some peace back. But I wish someone would invent an ignore button for ex-husbands. 

Warm Hugs, :happy:

Mimosa


----------



## LillyBBBW

Dear Sirs,

I stopped listening to my mother when I was in my 20's. What makes you think I'm going to listen to you now when I'm in my 40's? Stop making lists of rules for women over 40. We're old enough to decide for ourselves what we want and no fucks will be given. 

Thank you,
L 

View attachment smoking.jpg


----------



## ScreamingChicken

Dear son,

You really made your old man smile yesterday in the car as you sang along to "Ice, Ice, Baby". Not too many 11 year olds would do that and not give a damn what anybody else thought about it.

Love, Dad


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Wendys on A1A:

You are all a bunch of incompetent fools. Are you hiring?

Sincerely, - Your Competition's Best Employee.

(See photo.)


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear God,

I don't really talk to you much anymore and I'm not very sure you exist, but just this one thing...please protect him while he's gone. Please. 

Lainey


----------



## SMA413

Dear whiskey-
You were so good tonight. Please be nice to me in the AM. 
Love always, 
Slightly drunk.


Dear phone contacts-
Please ignore any texts sent in the last hour or so.
Love always,
Slightly drunk.


Dear Tyler-
Very disappointing response.
Love always,
Slightly drunk.


----------



## krystalltuerme

krystalltuerme said:


> Dear Car--
> 
> I've taken very good care of you; now could you do a favor for me? When I wake up tomorrow I'd like you to have fixed yourself, so I don't have to spend my weekend removing your engine.
> 
> Please?
> --G



Didn't happen. Engine now out. Stupid Subaru with completely inaccessible head gaskets.

Dear Jewelrymakers--

Why do size 9.5 engagement rings require six extra weeks to order? Have you never ever had a customer whose girlfriend broke her knuckle when she was a kid? Is resizing a ring really that hard?

--G

Dear esteemed Dimensioneers--

What do you think of this ring? I don't think she has any idea this is coming.










--G


----------



## penguin

krystalltuerme said:


> What do you think of this ring? I don't think she has any idea this is coming.
> --G



Oh, that's very pretty!


----------



## CastingPearls

Very pretty ring!!! And good luck/congratulations!


----------



## sugar and spice

I agree that is a beautiful ring! I hope she loves it good luck.


----------



## LalaCity

Dear Narcissistic Abuser,

I should not write to you. My friends, family, and therapist have told me that you feed on my pain; that I must never, under any circumstances, contact you again. I know that part of your cruelty is to deny me any closure to this fraudulent affair, but my rage over what you have done is immense and all-consuming and wants to issue jeremiads in abundance against you. My anguish burns so hotly I feel that it could engulf the whole world in flame. You have destroyed me utterly. 

I tell you all this because I hope against hope that there is some tiny shred of conscience in you that will engender remorse, but I fear it only gratifies you to know what damage you have done. You, in toying with me, have swallowed up the better part of a year wherein I might have found real love with a decent man and embarked upon a warm and beautiful life of marriage and family. You know that my fondest wish is to have a child of my own before it is too late and you hooked me with promises to provide me everything my heart desired. You vowed that you would never leave me, that I would be eternally cherished. I believed myself safe and loved at last. Instead you squandered my dreams with a callous disregard for my humanity that leaves me chilled to my very soul. It would seem that everything you did and said was a calculated feint to obtain for yourself a source of narcissistic supply.

I worry about those whom you will next ensnare and enslave with your lavish promises of eternal love, followed on by utter devaluation and demonisation, and ending with the eventual discarding of your victims like so much refuse.

You've shown me the dreadful reptilian coldness that exists at your core. I am left to ponder the very real possibility that you are a sociopath without conscience who uses the internet, among other avenues, to seek out and prey upon vulnerable women for the purpose of feeding your ego. I pray in my heart that I am wrong. Even in the depths of my hatred for you I don't want to think that you are totally beyond redemption, or that your soul is forever doomed.

I worry for your son and the inevitable psychological damage you will do to him. I pray, when he is old enough to make the judgment, that he finds a way to escape your malign influence before it is too late.

I have been weeping incessantly, remembering your eyes and how they gazed at me. I mistook the look in them for love. Now, in my mind's eye, I see, with a shudder, that you were attempting to mesmerise me, render me helpless and under your diabolical control. Yet I cannot reconcile the belief I had in you as a beautiful, magnificent man with the ugly and demonic force that I now believe you to be. It is not in my capacity as a person possessed of a soul to understand how you do what you do without conscience.

I know very little of the real you as most everything you told me is certainly a lie. But I know enough to understand that you have left behind you a trail of destruction and broken lives wherever you have gone in this world. I wish to warn you, for it will end very badly for you if you do not somehow work a transformation in yourself. One day your evil acts will catch up with you and your soul will burn up in the holocaust of your own making. Find some way to help yourself before you are forever lost.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear 9ers,

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Cowboys Fan


Beloved Cowboys,

On behalf of my momma...THANK YOU!

Melanie


Diabetes,

Fuck off!

Seriously,
Melanie


----------



## MattB

Dear Emmy Awards

I refuse to watch you, and will not watch you, until you stop snubbing me year after year. This is getting ridiculous now...

Matt


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Best Friends Fiance,

Please dump my friend so I can pick her up and treat her better than you ever will, ring or not. 

Sincerely,
Deathcow. 

PS: It's my nickname for a god damn reason, PUNK!



-------


Dear you,

Trololololol

K, go away now. I'm sick of seeing your ugly mug about.

Sincerely,
Me. 

----


Dear facebook,

Stop being a D-bag and let me upload my photos normally! 

Sincerely,
F-U Zucky.


----------



## mimosa

Dear B

Time has healed our hearts. But one thing remains the same. I still care about you. I pray for you. I think about you most days. 
Thank you for giving me this moment. We shared sweet words, photos and friendship. I will say goodnight now with a smile on my face. Even if we could not be together, I still have the memories of your love letters that were so beautiful, they made me cry. I can still hear your voice in my mind and heart. You always reminded me to love myself. Thank you. I will. I miss you already. Good bye for now. 

N


----------



## penguin

Dear Boobs,

I know you're PMSing now, but please stop making my shoulders hurt because of it. I'll love you more if you're nice to me, I promise.


----------



## idontspeakespn

Dear Barry, 

Dude, I totally respect your right to be an Anarchist, feel free to spout your hatred of anything Capitalistic, Commercial, Materialistic, etc. 

But I can't have you as a friend on Facebook anymore. You post too much Anti-order shit for me to be associated with you. I sound like a slimy politician who dumps her friends as soon as they get a little public attention but serious...I can't do it. If I become a forensic psychologist with the Ministry of Justice, or the Crown Service, they will rake over my personal life with a fine-tooth comb. You're a risky element in my life. I can't have any risky elements, I'm already an immigrant in this country, it won't do any good have them think I run with a pack of rebels. 

The only thing left to do is to figure how to dump you without causing an uproar with the rest of our friends. 

By the way, if you hate modern society so much, why the hell are you on facebook in the first place???


----------



## KHayes666

Dear moron,

So according to you....knowing every minute detail of the Whiskey Rebellion is considered smart but knowing the entire 1947 Celtics roster and stats is considered "useless sports trivia"

You're no smarter than I am and I'm no smarter than you are. The only difference is I can probably teach a class if I had a book to tell me everything like you do however if you tried to coach wrestling or basketball, I'd need a chair and some popcorn to watch that impending disaster.

How's that make you feel though? Knowing you can't do what I can do but I can do what you can. Who's the smart one now?

Signed,

Tom Buchanan


----------



## krystalltuerme

Dear Cat--

Please stop peeing on my laundry.

Dear Laundry--
Please stop being such an inviting place for the cat to pee.

Dear me--
Pick up the damn laundry!


----------



## krystalltuerme

penguin said:


> Oh, that's very pretty!





CastingPearls said:


> Very pretty ring!!! And good luck/congratulations!





sugar and spice said:


> I agree that is a beautiful ring! I hope she loves it good luck.



Thank you all so much for your well wishes. When it happens, I will let y'all know how it goes!


----------



## SMA413

Dear self-
When you begin your new job in 2 weeks, you will no longer be on a night shift schedule. You will be back on a normal person/day shift schedule. This whole staying up past 5 AM shit has got to stop. It will only make your first few weeks at work hell. This is the last night I'm allowing this.
Get your ass to bed.
Love,
self

-----

Dear Carter-
Was that FLIRTING I detected?? Hmmmm. Maybe next time we all go out, I'm buying you a few more drinks.
Love,
Me

P.S. Thanks for the cleavage flower.

-----

Dear crown & cokes-
You are a tricky son of a bitch.
Love,
$2 specials are the devil's work


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Bike:

You need to get lights on you since you will be biking home from work at approximately 2AM. DONT get a flat, either.

You are being taken to the bike shop, you start on Thursday.

Sincerely, - heyyou


----------



## KHayes666

Dear stomach bug,


Can you let me off the hopper so i can go to work? Thanks


Signed,

Hugo Stiglitz


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear prettiest kitty,

My knee is asleep. Please move so I don't have to wake you. You squawk so pathetically when I wake you that I feel bad.

Love,

Mum


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Dearest person who is makin my life difficult,

I wish we could speak rationally as adults. I hate when I talk to you and all I get is a "fuck off! You ruined me life." I'm more than happy to take full blame and responsibilty for anything I did, and I'll even tale the blame for shit I've never done. Just . . . Lets talk. 

Best regard 

G&#322;upi Mexican.


----------



## MattB

Dear Summer

Thanks for making me feel like I was 20 again. I promise to keep the momentum going through the fall, and I think I can face winter head on for the first time in a long time...

Enjoy your vacation Down Under, see you next June...

:bow:


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Appliance Gods

Enough already, I get the microwave it was old as and that was no surprise but then the turbo oven (less than 4 months old and unable to take it back due to a broken leg) followed by the toaster oven, kettle, tv and lastly my usb modem I think this year you have taken enough appliances to cover my dues for some time enough is enough

sincerely 

broke as


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Appliance Gods

Enough already, I get the microwave it was old as and that was no surprise but then the rice cooker, then turbo oven (less than 4 months old and unable to take it back due to a broken leg) followed by the toaster oven, kettle, tv and lastly my usb modem I think this year you have taken enough appliances to cover my dues for some time enough is enough

sincerely 

broke as


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Boy,

I'm not sure how many times I can go round this circle.

Laura


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Phone:

Because of you not having any "available balance" and also being off, i missed a shift at work. (Thanks.) :doh:

I DO hope you ring with good news, and im debating about deleting my "7" Voicemail messages. I should just call and delete the ones that start with "920" (my former landlord, he can piss off) before they even start. Then the phone will be "mine."

I should do that now. Might as well, i work again "Tuesday."

Sincerely, - Heyyou
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Self:

Dont spend the week's food money on Clips4Sale videos, even if they are big boobs, thick women and weigh-ins. You can accomplish that if you really, really, realllyyy try.

Sincerely, - Self/heyyou


----------



## Gingembre

Dear heart,

I know you love him. I know that just the thought of being without him is super painful. I know you love feeling loved. And he does love you.

But. This really isn't 50/50 at the moment. Or has been anytime during the last 6 months.
Sometimes words aren't enough, you need some actions too.
If this was happening to someone else, what would you advise them?

I think you need to have a think. Try and find someone to give you advice.

Take care.

- head


----------



## penguin

Dear ex-in laws,

It'd be really nice if you could remember to INCLUDE ME in the damn loop occasionally. I've never denied any of you the chance to spend time with my daughter, even when you ask at the last minute. Most of you live out of state, which means you know in advance that you'll be in town. Is it really that hard to drop me an email ahead of time? I do have a life, you know. I make these concessions for her benefit, not yours. I play nice because it's the right thing to do, so please show me that little bit of respect back.


----------



## Cors

Dear A, 
Did you have to cheat on the best thing that has happened to you? Things never just happen and I think you will have a pretty tough time proving beyond any reasonable doubt that your penis somehow slipped into a cavernous vagina and struggled for a pathetic minute before shrinking and slinking away, leaving a pile of slime. 

Dear B, 
Someone who genuinely loves you cannot be stolen or seduced. As much as you would like your (terrible) taste in men affirmed, it is embarrassing watching you lash out at other women who are not at all interested in your good-for-nothing boyfriend. Your dude is the sleazy one with the roving eyes and hands so if you want to hate, he's your man. Wake up!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Self-absorbed-

I am REALLY tired of hearing about you, you, you. I am tired of hearing about what a wonderful mother and friend you are. (oh, BTW you aren't a good at either). I am really sick of hearing about how "no one will do for you"--especially when you don't acknowledge or appreciate them when they do. You bitch and moan about your friends not being there for you and you cut them out of your life if they have any kind of life that doesn't involve kissing your ass and bowing down to the queen. Well guess what? They have families and lives and work and responsibilities that have NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Their priorities are THEIR families, their children, their jobs...and NOT you. I can see why you don't have any friends. They are tired of you, too. You sit on your ass and boss out orders, do NOTHING for yourself, disrespect EVERYONE and treat people like shit--but yet somehow you expect them to "DO for you". Get over yourself. Remember that you get back what you give out. If you handle people with love and kindness you will get that in return...and you wonder why no one wants to "do for you"?

In every story that you tell you are either the saint or the victim, but never the sinner--and OMGoodness there are a lot of stories. "This person did that to you, that person hurt you on purpose, everyone treats you like garbage, you are so good to everyone but they aren't good to you, you've never been rude or mean or nasty to anyone, you don't deserve how they treat you...blah (want some cheese with that whine?) blah, blah, blah. *Insert more incessant whiny babble here." You are truly delusional and refuse to accept that not EVERYONE is out to get you and that the trouble that you are experiencing with your children is YOUR fault and not anyone else's. 

In YOUR world you are the perfect mom. You know everything there is to know about raising a special needs child. I mean why should you bother to listen to doctors with PhD's when you already know everything, right? It doesn't matter what they tell you to do for your child, cos you already know what's best for her, right? Ten or twenty doctors who've dealt with thousands upon thousands of children who are like yours...couldn't possibly know more than you do. OH and BTW, just because someone (like me) doesn't HAVE a child of their own, does not mean they do not know how to RAISE one. Millions of people adopt children everyday or raise children that aren't theirs biologically and they do MAGNIFICENT jobs at it...so don't discount what I have to say because I haven't given birth to a child of my own. I've taught YOUR children manners, good hygiene and how to respect others, which is something that YOU should have taught them ages ago, just sayin'. 

According to you...you make no mistakes, everyone should bow down and kiss your feet cos you are so great and wonderful. The earth and moon rotate around you and the sun shines out your ass. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that you think that you piss glitter cos you are so fantastic. In everyone else's world you are a not a great mother, delusional, lazy, hateful and bitter, insensitive, unappreciative, self-absorbed, uncouth and vulgar individual. Guess what? That's what *I* think of you, too. So, yeah..that's where I stand on the subject. I might feel differently tomorrow but tonight I am not feeling it. 

Sign me...one of the people that you treat like shit.


----------



## Shosh

Dear Danish porcelain collector,

We are so pretty and we would look so lovely in your home.

Please buy us on Ebay.

Signed

Royal Copenhagen plates


----------



## penguin

Dear brother,

You're being an ass. Stop it.


----------



## Saoirse

dear bestie-

i am NOT a slut because i slept with someone that you don't approve of. i am NOT a trashy bitch for having fun with someone that you refuse to believe is a decent guy. you judge too much. eat my shit.

-your bestie


----------



## tinkerbell

Dear Big Ass of mine,

I do like you, and I know my husband loves you. However, you're putting too much stress on my right knee, and causing my knee pain. Which means I cant run. So I kind of hate you at the moment.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Wife:

Im writing you this letter to tell you that Im leaving you forever. Ive been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didnt even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You dont tell me you love me anymore; you dont want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either youre cheating on me or you dont love me anymore; whatever the case, Im gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. dont try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!  Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. Its true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what youve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesnt work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was You look just like a girl! Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you cant say something nice, I didnt comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you wont get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I dont know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope thats not a problem....

Sincrely - Husband.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Two-Faced Individuals, whomever you may be:

Why?

Sincerely, - heyyou.


----------



## Heyyou

Heyyou said:


> Dear Wife:
> 
> I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! —— Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was &#8216;You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem....
> 
> Sincrely - Husband.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Friend on Facbook:
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH for when you IMed me the following: Yea but it's like, when you don't have something, you need it the most *lolI tell ya, you awe me though. After all you've been through, you're still in good spirits. *I try to be, but it all gets me down.It's been a year of hell..single parenting and barely keeping my bills paid. I want things back the way they were, before my ex left me to deal with all this. I don't want him, just to be back on my feet..
> 
> .. to which i replied: .. its better to never be in a place where you need an "Ex." I am just a natural fighter. Its not IN me to give up. I fight, fight, and fight some more. Get knocked down? .. get back up. Thats what i am.
> 
> Sincerely, - heyyou.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Food, and EBT card:
> 
> Im not sure what to say. Its like, you are $325, but im going to have to do without. Its not like whoever has you can use you, anyways. Its also not like i like to walk into the store and whip out the Foodstamps card like im cool. Guess ill just do what normal people do, and buy food. Walmart here i come! Now, what can i carry back on my bike handlebar? Seems ive found the only downside to where i live.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Post:
> 
> Im not sure what happened here, but it is what it is.
> 
> Sincerely - heyyou.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear world,

Kay, sending me stuff I can deal with is one thing. But how I am supposed to comfort a girl who was dumped for not taking it up the ass? Try again please.

Sincerely,
That chick who plays 'counselor' a lot.


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear . 
Please show up so i can relax a little. The sooner the better mmmkay?

Sincerely,
Happy the way things are..


----------



## SMA413

Dear Richard-
Learn to tell time.
Love,
Sam & Carter 
-----
Dear tomorrow-
I'm glad you're just around the corner. I can't wait to start living in my new place.
Love,
I need this new beginning


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear dreary rain and gloomy skies-

Although I know how important you are and I love the sound of you when I am trying to fall asleep, must you keep lulling me to sleep when I have things to do? I wonder if its all too important for you to hide the sun all the time. Can't you let him peek his head in once in a while to assure us that he is still there? The rain makes things grow, but the sun revives me. What's the use in changing the colors of the leaves in fall if we cannot go outside to see them because its raining all the time? Please, give us a little break from the rain.

-Gloomy Gus


----------



## Proner

Dear Grandpa,

I wrote and rewrote this but words definitely doesn't make justice to how much you give and help me to be the person I'm today.
Thank you, you make me dream, smile, cry, laugh, think, learn.... I love you.

RIP Papi

Your Grandson


----------



## mimosa

Dear Proner, 

I wanted to rep you for this message. But it wouldn't let me. But I am here to show you my support and care. God bless you. Your grandfather must have been just as wonderful as you because you are incredible. 

Love your friend always, 

Mimosa








Proner said:


> Dear Grandpa,
> 
> I wrote and rewrote this but words definitely doesn't make justice to how much you give and help me to be the person I'm today.
> Thank you, you make me dream, smile, cry, laugh, think, learn.... I love you.
> 
> RIP Papi
> 
> Your Grandson


----------



## idontspeakespn

Dear Body, 

I love you. I don't say it often enough, its true that your appearance causes me some disappointment every now and then, but...you came through for me. 

The day after my sexy weekend Aunt flo arrived, and it couldn't have been better timing. You knew that you had to hold off until after my weekend was over, but that I would need a reassurance that I was not with child. I heart you for that. 

I don't even mind that you're a bit sick with the flu today. Obviously, you needed some rest, and, since my landlady/housemate went away for the weekend, I can wallow a little in the sickness and relax in an empty, comfortable house. Plus, I can sleep for different periods of time during the day and not feel guilty. You're awesome.

Love,

The brains of the operation

P.S. I'll try to take better care of you. Fresh fruit, lots o' grilled fish, bubble baths with coco-butter sugar scrubs. It's all for you, baby.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Amanda

I have just been re reading your blog, not just the current blogs but past ones as well. You amaze me, every single one of those blogs I am proud of and even now when re reading them I am reminded of truths that I sometimes forget. What amazes me more is that I can see just how amazing I am through those blogs they bear my heart and soul and you have taught me so much even through times that felt like I would never be happy again. 

I just wanted to thank you for the inspiration well thank me really. you make me proud of who I am


Amanda


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Bank of America,

Can you suck any worse than you currently do? 6 dollar fee for having an account under a certain amount and now a 5 dollar fee for using your debit card......anything else? How about a 5 dollar fee for using the bathroom at a bank?

Signed,

unsatisfied customer


----------



## krystalltuerme

BofA is doing the debit card fee now too? I was just about to leave Wells Fargo because they were planning some fee to have a debit card. WTF.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear My Twinn Doll website:

I have a set of twins and need to order two of your custom made dolls for the holidays. Why is your website giving me shit about ordering not one, but TWO of those dolls at the same time? 

You aren't going to make me pay in advance so you're scared to custom make two at once? What in the world could be the problem with me ordering twice as much of your product? 

Your policies or your webmaster suck.

Sincerely, 
Had my credit card out...:blink:


Dear Realtors that fucked around and me over:

Fuck you both Frick and Frack. I'm getting my money back...and stop acting like someone is doing me a big fucking favor to give it back because the financer already agreed with me that I can most likely sue. I'm old enough to have figured out that A: no one in a business dealing "feels bad" or just wants to hand out money and B: the seller's realtor shouldn't have listed something that bitch can't sell and C: my realtor fucked up big time by not checking ahead of time. 
WTF was he getting a cut for? It sure as shit wasn't his "knowledge and experience" :doh:
Oh and that attitude you gave me in your email to me- fuck you and that jacked up horse you rode in on. I'm going to try to issue a complaint about both of you to the Real Estate Commission soon as I get the rest of my money back. 

Oh and did I say fuck you yet? FUCK YOU BOTH....just to make sure.

Sincerely- don't fucking attempt to patronize me you little arrogant prick because I will bitch slap your teenie tiny ass into next week,
Moi


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear friends,

I love you all, but seriously this increase in hanging out is really killing me. I honestly thing it's probably why I'm not better yet. I think I may have to go back to being home by midnight, I really don't know how much longer I can go and barely any sleep. 

Sincerely,
Deathcow.


----------



## idontspeakespn

Dear Guy I Really Like, 

I wrote this detailed message to you, but I'm too much of a chicken-shit to send it. 

Basically, it said: I like you. Hope I haven't scared you off with my neuroses, of which there are many. It would be nice to hear your voice, I miss it. I miss you. 

All the important bits have just been said. 

~The Girl Who Likes You


----------



## lushluv

Dear Ex,

*No,* I will not give us one more go. We have tried this three times over the past 20 years, and I am done. I love you, but we both know we've never really been in love with one another, just two friends not wanting to be alone or get into relationships that might actually cause us to _feel_. I don't even think I like you anymore. I mean last year you were five seconds away from joining the Tea Party, and now you're all about Ron Paul. I know our being different races was never an issue to who we were to one another, _but come on man_, how am I suppose to work with that?

My illness this year has forced me to reevaluate my priorities, and you and me, well, _it's time we let go_, *'US'* is just too complicated.

So please understand, and I wish you well in life love and happiness.

_All Sincerity,_
Me


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Poster:

You are the ringleader in attacking me for getting models and friends gifts which the like and use for business and pleasure, yet you received a shirt from your friend in Australia. Therefore, STFU.

Not concerned if you see this, either.

Sincerely, - heyyou.


----------



## Blackjack

Heyyou said:


> Dear Poster:
> 
> You are the ringleader in attacking me for getting models and friends gifts which the like and use for business and pleasure, yet you received a shirt from your friend in Australia. Therefore, STFU.
> 
> Not concerned if you see this, either.
> 
> Sincerely, - heyyou.



Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of you ignoring peoples' requests to not talk to them.


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear Dexter,

Thanks for the chuckles last night! I'm very much looking forward to what you have in store for us this season! <3

Sincerely,
A fan of the 'Dark Defender'

P.S. I know he doesn't fit the code, but I hope you kill Quinn. I really don't like that character! *hehe*


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Poster:

My goodness, you accept gifts from people in Australia then attack me for doing the same. Total hypocrite, end of story. Wow.

Sincerely - heyyou


----------



## CAMellie

Ricardo,

Our debate on your brother's FB page today was very invigorating. It was nice to have a spirited discussion with someone about SA without it spiraling into childish name-calling. My only complaint was your insistence on toeing the party line instead of putting your personal opinion out there. That's okay. I look forward to many more debates after the wedding!

Your soon to be sister in law,
Melanie


Dearest Keffin,

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Thanks for the laugh,
Meffie

P.S. I had to rep you


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Cameille:

Is Keffin the one that so arrogantly and foolishly thinks he can make a name for me talking around me and thinking he has some kind of cred in his snarkiness? I think it is, and rep all you want, he has no respect from me.

Sincerely - heyyou, the arch-nemesis that feels for that guy, that he sees the light one day.

Dear Keffin:

I repped you. ?

- heyyou


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Keffin:

Ive been advised, its not worth it. And shes right.

Have your fun. Ill have no part of it.

- heyyou


----------



## AnnMarie

Dear heyyou, 

Drop it. The ice you're on is so thin it won't hold you. 


Mods.


----------



## penguin

Dear Heyyou,

I sent Beej a gift because I consider him a friend and I wanted to do something nice for him when he was feeling down. He didn't ask me to buy him something and I didn't give it to him with any level of expectation for anything. It was a gift from a friend to a friend, nothing more, something to cheer him up when he was feeling down. That's it. That's what I do for my friends.


----------



## CastingPearls

Oh hey, Penguin--thanks for my gifts too! I know you sent it cos you love me but also cos you love my sweet ass. I love yours too.

Love you bunches,
Lainey


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Cat:

OMG you snore when you sleep!! My dog used to do that. So cute!

Sincerely - heyyou

Dear penguin:

Can we be friends? (Im not asking in regards to shirts, im asking in regards to being on speaking terms.) Thanks

Sincerely - heyyou


----------



## penguin

I'm still waiting for pics of your sweet ass, CP. beej has shown his before


----------



## CastingPearls

penguin said:


> I'm still waiting for pics of your sweet ass, CP. beej has shown his before


I'll work on that. I can't reach with the camera myself and can't figure out the timey-thingy but when I do or someone does it for me, you'll get it!


----------



## Heyyou

Dear penguin:

Can we be friends? (Im not asking in regards to shirts, im asking in regards to being on speaking terms.) Thanks

?

Sincerely - heyyou


----------



## penguin

CastingPearls said:


> I'll work on that. I can't reach with the camera myself and can't figure out the timey-thingy but when I do or someone does it for me, you'll get it!



Woohoo!


Heyyou said:


> Dear penguin:
> 
> Can we be friends? (Im not asking in regards to shirts, im asking in regards to being on speaking terms.) Thanks
> 
> ?
> 
> Sincerely - heyyou



I don't think so.


----------



## NewfieGal

Dear Head Cold,

I know you think my head is a lovely place to hang out but ask my brain its not all that its cracked up to be lol... so if you could see your way to leaving my sinuses in peace my nose, taste buds and throat would be much obliged 

Sincerely,
Nicki the owner of the stuffed up head 


Also Dear Friends,

I know I am new here and don't really know many people or many situations, or relationship dynamics but wouldn't it be easier not to argue and try to get along like adults should...not talking about any one incident just several disagreement that have come across my reading... its none of my business I know I just hate seeing people argue and fight... as well please take the big smile as a token of my friendship if you would like too 

Sincerely,
NewfieGal (Nicki if you will)


----------



## mimosa

Dear Heavenly Father, 

Every time I recently try to blame him for something else he didn't do, I look at myself and see my flaws as well. Please forgive me. But I pray that in the end, that we could have respect and compassion for one another. Even if we can't even be friends. Please come to my rescue. I need to resolve this matter. I feel afraid about the future. 

Thanks in advance, 

Mimosa


----------



## Amatrix

Dear Coffee Cake

NOM NOM NOM... you like being in mah belly? Make room for some Sour Punch Straws.

We have a paper to write, and with you inside me I am sure I can get at least 6 hours of sleep before I work/school tomorrow.

You gave me strength, when I had to move all the reset items in the store. I didn't cry when one stray wire ripped my arm flesh open... because I had you. Your crinkle wrapper has made me smile more then thrice tonight. Oh, Coffee Cake... your crumbly top has exploded and landed somewhat into my bra.

I have always had you, and I will always love you.

<3 
Girl Licking The Wrapper

PS you and me baybay. for evs.:kiss2:


----------



## KittyKitten

Dear place,

And the shit is about to hit the fan.

Regards, 

HF


----------



## Mathias

Dear Matt,

Try not to do anything crazy in regards to buying stuff over these next few days, kay? Just think about the early Christmas present and trip to New York you'll be taking in December. It'll be worth it in the long run!

Love

Matt.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear you,

This video is pretty much an accurate interpretation of my reaction when I saw your latest picture. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdPlM6vvr3o (ETA: Not to Flounder, he's the man!)


Signed,

Too disgusted to talk


----------



## Linda

Dear Stressball,

Why do you fail me? 

I am under so much pressure at work right now. That piled on my already tightly scheduled days is stressin me out. 

There are so many different issues going on at work right now I don't even know where to start relieveing the pressure. Then I come home (which is a lot better since I removed the leech) and all I do is homework, start laundry, sweep, vacumm, cook, dishes, more homework, more laundry, bathtime, bedtime story, take out garbage, pack lunches, finish laundry and whatever random things needs done before I collapse into my bed.

Where did the "fun Linda" go? I feel like Cinderella before she went to that damn ball. I would sit down and cry about it but there is no time to waste on that nonsense.

So you M*(&@&%&ing stress ball!! Work or get the hell out!


*squish* *squish* *squish* *squish* *squish* *squish*


----------



## Heyyou

Dear KHayes666 and Facebook:

I know how to make paragraphs now. Thank you.

Sincerely, - heyyou

Dear East Orange Municipal Court:

(Thank you?) 

Sincerely, - heyyou

Dear Jersey City Municipal Court:

See you in 30 minutes.

Sincerely, - heyyou

Dear White Castle: 

OMG i missed you SO MUCH!

Sincerely, - heyyou.


----------



## WVMountainrear

Dear CastingPearls,

Thank you for always being my voice of reason, reminding me of all of the things I already know when I desperately need to remember them. I cherish you and our friendship.

Love,
lovelylady78


----------



## Surlysomething

Heyyou said:


> Dear KHayes666 and Facebook:
> 
> I know how to make paragraphs now. Thank you.
> 
> Sincerely, - heyyou
> 
> Dear East Orange Municipal Court:
> 
> (Thank you?)
> 
> Sincerely, - heyyou
> 
> Dear Jersey City Municipal Court:
> 
> See you in 30 minutes.
> 
> Sincerely, - heyyou
> 
> Dear White Castle:
> 
> OMG i missed you SO MUCH!
> 
> Sincerely, - heyyou.


 

Dear Heyyou. Think before you post.


----------



## Saoirse

S-

I dont know why you're mad at me, but Im sure it has something to do with your fucking psychotic meltdown (of which you seem to have regularly). I get it. Your marriage is shit and you dont know what to do. But goddamn, stop being a dramatic bitch about everything. Are you mad cause I hung out with that guy? The guy that YOU introduced me to, the guy that YOU set me up with, the guy that YOU said I should be gettin some from. We met, we hung out and we did the deed (a few times, and it was hot and wonderful every single time). Now you think Im fucked up? Bite me!

-N


----------



## penguin

Dear Star Trek TNG,

You're awesome. Why didn't I discover you earlier??

love always,
me


----------



## CastingPearls

lovelylady78 said:


> Dear CastingPearls,
> 
> Thank you for always being my voice of reason, reminding me of all of the things I already know when I desperately need to remember them. I cherish you and our friendship.
> 
> Love,
> lovelylady78


Dear Lovelylady78.

That's friends are for and you've been there for me too!
Wishing you every happiness, because your happy is my happy...

Love,
Lainey


----------



## KHayes666

penguin said:


> Dear Star Trek TNG,
> 
> You're awesome. Why didn't I discover you earlier??
> 
> love always,
> me



I just watched a rerun of Encounter at Farpoint yesterday lol


----------



## penguin

KHayes666 said:


> I just watched a rerun of Encounter at Farpoint yesterday lol



I'm now up to season 6  I could've watched the first episode of that last night to find out what happened with the season 5 cliffhanger, but thought I'd torment myself and leave it until today


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

mimosa said:


> Dear Heavenly Father,
> 
> Every time I recently try to blame him for something else he didn't do, I look at myself and see my flaws as well. Please forgive me. But I pray that in the end, that we could have respect and compassion for one another. Even if we can't even be friends. Please come to my rescue. I need to resolve this matter. I feel afraid about the future.
> 
> Thanks in advance,
> 
> Mimosa



Dear Mimi,

I understand the need to pray and liked how you gave it to your Higher Power. I will say a prayer for you, too. Your prayer of sadness and penance touched me


Moi


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear camera,

I fucking love you, I never meant to hurt you baby, please, please don't be dead. I need you, I admit it now. You're like my coke, can't put you down, but I can't pick you up and it's killing me. It's fall and all the leaves are turning and we've had A WEEK of BEAUTIFUL DAYS and I.. I can't think of anything but you. Please come back, please be save-able, please oh please oh please... my.. my precious.. 

Sobbingly Yours,
You're super sorry handler.


----------



## MattB

Dear Work

Can I please ask that, at the very least, you don't send me emails between the hours of Midnight and 8am? I won't be answering them anyways, but still...

Matt


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Coupons,
why can't you be for stuff that I buy?

Dear Kroger aka Krogie
how come your Kroger aka Krogie brand items don't come with coupons. I'd buy more of ya if ya came with coupons.

Signed
Me who is amazed at Extreme Couponing


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear lazy people who put 4 loads of clothing into a single load washer--

Did you NOT learn your lessons when you did the same thing by putting 4 loads of wet clothes into a single load dryer??
You ruined the belts and motor you f*ckfaces! I guess it doesn't matter to you at all since it the washer and dryer didn't belong to you. It's not a surprise, it's typical of you.

signed, 
Me, who had to wring all my clothes after you broke the washer


----------



## seavixen

Dear self,

The whole dumbness and hurt feelings thing is getting obnoxious. Knock it off, stop craving closure, and let it go.

-you/me/us


----------



## CAMellie

Dear tooth,

OW OW OW OW OW!! FFS REALLY!?!?!?!?! GET OUT OF MY FACE!!

Hatefully,
Melanie


----------



## SMA413

Dear D-
You're so friggin hot- it's insane. Like your abs are photoshopped or something. I'm pretty sure you have like <5% body fat. And you're so damn sweet- the back rubs, the cuddling, the fact that you want to hang up a light fixture for me. As you would say, I'm a mess- thanks to you. What the hell are you doing with me?? And what is it that we're doing?? 

Oy vey.
Love,
Me

P.S. I'm trying really hard to contain this bubbling, turbulent river of crazy bottled up so I don't scare you off.


----------



## Micara

Dear Not-So-New-Mother,

You are not the first person to ever have a baby. Nor are you the first person to have a baby and have to go back to work. It's been almost a year now, and we've given you more than the benefit of the doubt. Now start pulling your weight and doing your 80% reduced workload or bite the bullet and quit. 

Signed,
If I'm gonna do your work then I want your pay


----------



## swamptoad

Dear ambition,

stay a while longer.




Dear procrastination,

hit the road jack!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Bro-in-law
Thanks for cleaning up the junk on my computer and making it run better/faster. Had I known it would be work so easily I would have asked you to do it much sooner.
Your Sis-in-law.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear long-time friend,

I...I love you, You know why I'm so sure the right woman for you, the woman who will do everything she can to give you what you deserve, is out there for you? Because if I love you this much, have loved you for this long, then there's got to be someone better than I that will love you forever, too.

Sincerely,
Meggers.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky + tummy

Make everything taste like dust so I don't feel like I am missing out on so much pleasure. Be strong. Believe that lettuce is your friend and that chocolate (I miss you!), is the devil. It will be worth it in the end and your knees will be happier for the suffering. 

Love 
Kimberly


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear sleep,
Why must you be so elusive? I woke up so many times last night it wasn't even funny. I just want some good long sleep. Today's a big day. So let me get a good sleep in until Alex wakes up. It might help.

Sleepily,
Megan


----------



## mimosa

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Mimi,
> 
> I understand the need to pray and liked how you gave it to your Higher Power. I will say a prayer for you, too. Your prayer of sadness and penance touched me
> 
> 
> Moi



Dear Green Eyed Fairy, 

I appreciate you and your prayers. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. May you and your family be blessed today and always. 

Sending love and hugs, 

Mimosa


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Universe,

did you really have to turn my life into a comedic teen dramady? I mean I see the humour I really do and yes it is nice to know my intuition is strong as ever and spot on even in my own life but honestly is there any more information your gonna bring to light and is it really going to do me any good?
Its over, hes moved on. I have my heart back I am moving forward there really isnt anything else to say or do now except maybe write a screenplay for which I have no ability at all lol

thanks for the laughs now time to let me move forward

signed

over it already


----------



## spiritangel

PS Seriously he begged to be friends and removes me off fb haha remind me never to fall for anyone that much younger than me again


----------



## mimosa

Dearest Spirit Angel,

This is the good that we have learned:God himself gave us love, beauty, joy, peace, intelligence, and our self-worth. God has provided all the good that we have and what we will have in the future. NOT anyone else. So if they did not give it to us....they can not take it away. 

Love, 

Mimosa






spiritangel said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> did you really have to turn my life into a comedic teen dramady? I mean I see the humour I really do and yes it is nice to know my intuition is strong as ever and spot on even in my own life but honestly is there any more information your gonna bring to light and is it really going to do me any good?
> Its over, hes moved on. I have my heart back I am moving forward there really isnt anything else to say or do now except maybe write a screenplay for which I have no ability at all lol
> 
> thanks for the laughs now time to let me move forward
> 
> signed
> 
> over it already


----------



## NewfieGal

Dear head cold,

I would just like to thank you for moving down to my chest makes me feel so much better  when I previously asked you to go away I didn't mean for you to take up residence somewhere else in my body! Please make your stay brief cause I don't wanna have to take more pills

Sincerely,
The girl who looks and feels like crap

P.S. Dear chapstick,

I love you you are the best


----------



## lushluv

Dear Niece's Best Friend,

This week when you came over to help us move things around and I caught you staring at my behind, and when you commenced to commenting on how nice it is, you sort of caught me off guard. I mean you talk about your love of men more then Mae West did, but when I bent over and I caught you staring down my dress, giving me that look, (_you know the one_), I have to say I felt violated, so much so that when you came over yesterday I felt compelled to remain wrapped in my giant comforter as you conversed with me longer then you ever have in your life.

Being that you are a man who has never once shown or mentioned an interest in women in that way, you have left me confused and perplexed about how to deal with this situation. 

Please stop scaring me.

Sincerely,
Bewildered


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dearest migraines,

You cannot defeat me. I have drugs.

Suck it,

DP


----------



## spiritangel

mimosa said:


> Dearest Spirit Angel,
> 
> This is the good that we have learned:God himself gave us love, beauty, joy, peace, intelligence, and our self-worth. God has provided all the good that we have and what we will have in the future. NOT anyone else. So if they did not give it to us....they can not take it away.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Mimosa




Dear Mimosa

Lucky for me I have already learnt that lesson from past relationships. Isaac may have hurt me with his actions and the way this all happened however he did not dent how I feel about myself. I spent to long and worked to hard at rebuilding my sense of self esteem and self worth from the inside out to give that power to anyone else. Thank you for your concern, love and friendship 

Big squishy hugs

Amanda


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

snuggletiger said:


> Dear Coupons,
> why can't you be for stuff that I buy?
> 
> Dear Kroger aka Krogie
> how come your Kroger aka Krogie brand items don't come with coupons. I'd buy more of ya if ya came with coupons.
> 
> Signed
> Me who is amazed at Extreme Couponing



Dearest Snuggie,

This made me laugh- gawd how I wish I had the time for extreme couponing! I watch that show and go ga-ga with admiration over some of them (some I really do think have an issue or something- 30 bottles of maalox or mustard- just for 2 people??) I love seeing the ones that get over a $1000 worth of merchandise for almost nothing (I saw one guy get it all for free!) and give it to church/charity functions. :bow: :bow:

Sincerely,
El Cheapo Moi


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Diana_Prince245 said:


> Dearest migraines,
> 
> You cannot defeat me. I have drugs.
> 
> Suck it,
> 
> DP



Dear DP,

I tried to rep you but I am out at this time. Someone saying SUCK IT always gets me hitting the rep button. :bow:

Moi


----------



## SuperMishe

Dear you...

Can you please give me a clue either way?

kthxbai


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Ibuprofen,

I appreciate all the hard work you put in with helping me control my tooth pain...but you're no longer effective. 

Thank you for everything,
Melanie


Dear Norco,

Thank you thank you thank you!

Pain-free,
Melanie


----------



## Sweet Tooth

CAMellie said:


> Dear Ibuprofen,
> 
> I appreciate all the hard work you put in with helping me control my tooth pain...but you're no longer effective.
> 
> Thank you for everything,
> Melanie
> 
> 
> Dear Norco,
> 
> Thank you thank you thank you!
> 
> Pain-free,
> Melanie



My dental surgeon explained that "tooth pain laughs at Motrin" a few years back when I couldn't understand why 4 weren't making a dent. Of course, when I had pleurisy, Vicodin didn't have any effect on the pain but Motrin did. I'm glad you're getting relief finally! :happy:


----------



## Mathias

Dear D,

I love how you constantly tell me things like, "Oh my God, we never hang out!" and "Matt I consider you one of my true friends, we never hang outtttt!" Yet this morning marks the 4th time I've made plans where we can actually see each other for the first time in almost 5 years and you've bailed on me without even so much as an I'm sorry text. I get it, alright? Have fun when you move to the middle of nowhere Texas. Just don't expect me to keep in touch. 

Not talking to you for awhile,

Matt.


----------



## mimosa

Dear sweet little stalker, 

I know you come here to spy on me from time to time. Over-all ,you are a good person. Thanks for replying to my message. I am glad we decided to be friends. God bless you today and always. 

Hugs, 

Lady you had breakfast with at Waffle house.


----------



## cinnamitch

To the idiots that dumped 2 kittens by a busy road. Look I know times are tough and all, but you know you could have taken them to a shelter if you couldn't care for them. No you left them to either be killed or to slowly starve. My daughter and a cop almost hit them because they were trying to find bugs to eat in the road. Luckily for them they were brought over here . I can feel every bone on them. They inhaled what little food I gave them because I don't want to make them sick. They barely know how to drink out of a bowl. Well no thanks to you they have new homes. One stays with me, one goes home with my daughter. So at least two kitties get a fair chance. Asshole.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

cinnamitch said:


> To the idiots that dumped 2 kittens by a busy road. Look I know times are tough and all, but you know you could have taken them to a shelter if you couldn't care for them. No you left them to either be killed or to slowly starve. My daughter and a cop almost hit them because they were trying to find bugs to eat in the road. Luckily for them they were brought over here . I can feel every bone on them. They inhaled what little food I gave them because I don't want to make them sick. They barely know how to drink out of a bowl. Well no thanks to you they have new homes. One stays with me, one goes home with my daughter. So at least two kitties get a fair chance. Asshole.


Dear Cinnamitch,

So blessed they are, that they came to be safe with you and your daughter, instead suffering a much worse fate. I love hearing that there are people who have room in their hearts for poor animals, it slightly brightens my view of our currently dark and dismal world. 

Sincerely,
YPP.


----------



## mimosa

I am sorry in advance for this, everyone. But I have to let it out. 

Dear SON OF A STUPID B......

MY SON IS NOT A WIMP. HE HAD TWO BRAIN SURGERIES BEFORE HE WAS 6 YEARS OLD AND SURVIVED. HE NOW HAS A PURPLE BELT IN KARATE. SO SCREW YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE YOUR GF GIVES YOU GENITAL WARTS. 


PISSED OFF WOMAN


----------



## ButlerGirl09

mimosa said:


> I am sorry in advance for this, everyone. But I have to let it out.
> 
> Dear SON OF A STUPID B......
> 
> MY SON IS NOT A WIMP. HE HAD TWO BRAIN SURGERIES BEFORE HE WAS 6 YEARS OLD AND SURVIVED. HE NOW HAS A PURPLE BELT IN KARATE. SO SCREW YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE YOUR GF GIVES YOU GENITAL WARTS.
> 
> 
> PISSED OFF WOMAN



Dear Son of a Stupid B-

Please stop saying such mean, hurtful, and disrespectful things about a wonderful and resilient child before I put my butt on a plane to come show you what a wimp you are!

First, I ask nicely. Second, I make you pay.

Signed,
I don't mess around


Dear Pissed Off Woman--

I got your back! <hugs>

<3

Signed,
Wonder Woman


----------



## mimosa

Dear Wonder Woman

I love you. :wubu::bow::smitten:

Thank you so much. You are the best. 

Love, 

Grateful to have a beautiful superhero. 




ButlerGirl09 said:


> Dear Son of a Stupid B-
> 
> Please stop saying such mean, hurtful, and disrespectful things about a wonderful and resilient child before I put my butt on a plane to come show you what a wimp you are!
> 
> First, I ask nicely. Second, I make you pay.
> 
> Signed,
> I don't mess around
> 
> 
> Dear Pissed Off Woman--
> 
> I got your back! <hugs>
> 
> <3
> 
> Signed,
> Wonder Woman


----------



## Heyyou

mimosa said:


> I am sorry in advance for this, everyone. But I have to let it out.
> 
> Dear SON OF A STUPID B......
> 
> MY SON IS NOT A WIMP. HE HAD TWO BRAIN SURGERIES BEFORE HE WAS 6 YEARS OLD AND SURVIVED. HE NOW HAS A PURPLE BELT IN KARATE. SO SCREW YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE YOUR GF GIVES YOU GENITAL WARTS.
> 
> 
> PISSED OFF WOMAN



Dear Mimosa:

No apologies needed! Stay strong, let them know! My parents also had to explain to people certain "conditions" and yes one of them was brain surgery.. i admire your defense of your son because stupid judgemental people that really DONT know their head from their ass have NO RIGHT to make fun of those with LEGITIMATE IMPAIRMENTS, be they SEEN OR UNSEEN! 

Praise God, and be strong.

Sincerely, - heyyou (alive but for the grace of God.)


----------



## mimosa

Hey You, 

God bless you and thank you for such kind words. I hope that you also never give up. God has a plan for your life. 

Sending love back, 

Mimosa







Heyyou said:


> Dear Mimosa:
> 
> No apologies needed! Stay strong, let them know! My parents also had to explain to people certain "conditions" and yes one of them was brain surgery.. i admire your defense of your son because stupid judgemental people that really DONT know their head from their ass have NO RIGHT to make fun of those with LEGITIMATE IMPAIRMENTS, be they SEEN OR UNSEEN!
> 
> Praise God, and be strong.
> 
> Sincerely, - heyyou (alive but for the grace of God.)


----------



## ScreamingChicken

Dear son,

Stay away from the internet. It's not doing you any favors. An 11 year old has no business opening up his own Facebook account with out his parent's permission. And while I am glad you can appreciate the female form, getting caught "looking at boobs on Google" with his cousin is not the way to do it.

Try using better judgement in the future.

Love, Dad


Dear Daughter,

No one likes a tattletale.

Love, Dad


----------



## The Orange Mage

Dear America,

Let's throw the thieves out of the temple of government.

-Mage


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Gentleman friend-

We've been friends for a very long time. Although I know that you have an affinity for the ssbbw form, you've never once crossed the line with me. You've always treated me with dignity and respect-as a friend should, and I appreciate you for that. You have no idea how much it means to me that you "check in" with me to see if I am ok. Sometimes just that little "hello" is enough to get me through a tough day...and I thank you for that.

This might sound grade school-ish but I genuinely like you. I honestly do consider you to be one of the nicest people I have never met (maybe someday) and I wish you all the happiness and love that you can handle in your life.

Sign me,
Your FFE, Terri.


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Dr Mr and Mrs Squrriel around kids,

Please, please stop teasing and getting within grasp of my dog Carla; I have had to dispose of 3 of your carcasses in the last week. I see you on our walks and at the dog park, teasing her, thinking that you are faster and smarter. She is proving to be a very worthy adversary. She is a killer and I plead...I implore you - for the sake of your children - steer clear of Carla "Killer" Robertson

Last night I did see her break the laws of physics as she leaped through the air to grab one of your family members - may he rest in peace. It was quite a scene - pandemonium...she rounded the hill and every human realized she was using one of your family members as a squeaky toy. She ran past everyone and did come right to me, but, I am sorry to say that it was too late. 

So, please Squirrels - stay away from Carla!


----------



## Linda

Dear Mom,

I hope you have a safe trip home but I can't lie and say I wasn't glad to see you leave. It is very difficult to love someone and dislike someone at the same time.

I know you will never leave dad but open your eyes at how he has controlled you all of these years and how dysfunctional you have become because of it. 

Your not a very nice person. You have your moments, don't get me wrong, but for the most part your bitter, cynical, downright nasty, cruel at times, judgemental and cold. If nothing else I hope you learned a few things this weekend from me. 

1. It is ok to care about other people, even those that have hurt you deeply.

2. It might be a rough road but the high road is always better in the end.

3. Never kick someone when they are down.

4. Stay in contact with those you care about.

5. Love your children unconditionally and never, ever tell them that one of their parents does not love them. I have never been so angry with you in my entire life.

6. You don't need to try and control your children. You raised us, and now its time to let us fly. 

7. It is ok to admit when you have made a mistake.

8. And for Pete's sake do what you want. When dad says jump, you do NOT have to ask how high.

We had some good times this weekend but the distance between us makes loving you comfortable.

Love, 
Me




Dear Tongue,

I am sorry I bit you so often and so hard this past weekend.
Feel better soon.

Love, 
Me


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Dan:

There is NO WAY IN HELL you are causing me to lose my friends over ONE WORD that you typed that you shouldnt have typed. That whole thing is dead to me. Thank you.

Sincerely, - heyyou.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear internet texting friends
Please don't message me and say "Hello" and not respond when I answer you back. I consider that to be extremely RUDE. If you don't have anything to say then DON'T bother to message me. While I am on the subject, typing "BRB" to someone means that you will BE RIGHT BACK. Please don't type that unless you REALLY intend on coming back. I liken that to putting someone on hold the telephone so that you can answer your other line...and NOT coming back. RUDE RUDE RUDE.
Sincerely, 
Terri


----------



## Sweet Tooth

Lovelyone said:


> Dear internet texting friends
> Please don't message me and say "Hello" and not respond when I answer you back. I consider that to be extremely RUDE. If you don't have anything to say then DON'T bother to message me. While I am on the subject, typing "BRB" to someone means that you will BE RIGHT BACK. Please don't type that unless you REALLY intend on coming back. I liken that to putting someone on hold the telephone so that you can answer your other line...and NOT coming back. RUDE RUDE RUDE.
> Sincerely,
> Terri



OMG, this is so true... and then they're the first ones that will complain if you get to the point of just ignoring their non-specific texts because you don't want to deal with that on a constant basis. Or if you're invisible on an IM system because you don't want to get started talking about nothing and then sit there waiting for them to decide maybe they'll come back to the computer and notice they left you hanging. :|


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Certain People:

Do you really think that posting about your adventues at bars, constantly talking about your job old or new, posting about your reproductive organs, or being an alcoholic, or shirts, or "flings" with a certain catty-ness, or things of that nature over and over, make you cool, or even interesting? Think about it.

Sincerely, - Observant.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear pot,


Look in the mirror!

Best,
kettle


----------



## Shosh

Dear Dr Rayya,

You are an angel on earth. Thank you so much for taking care of my darling doggie Cindy today, and watching over her during her medical procedure.

Your warmth, kindness, knowledge, and skill as a veterinarian are second to none.

Cindy and I love you.

xo

Susannah


----------



## KittyKitten

Dear certain members of society,

Let's stop that double-standard you have when a larger women wears something sexy it seen as disgusting, but it's ok on a thin woman. I'm sick of certain jealous bit...bimbos calling a woman 'fat and nasty' just because she dares to be sexy and men salivate over her instead of your flat ass. You insecure, hating twits. Stop it! 







Sincerely,

HF


----------



## Heyyou

Dear happyface83:

I must spread some rep around before giving it to you again. :sad:

sincerely - your friend, heyyou

Dear Everyone:

Im about to get a free car.  (And no, its not "new." Pity. Used cars are better, didnt you know? Ask me why. Also, if i ever had $12000 i tell you what.. i wouldnt be buying a model year 2008 or newer car with it. What you need to explore, is "value" - read: USED CARS. Think about it.)

Otherwise, all you do is flaunt wealth. Think about that, too.

Sincerely - heyyou (Camaro and Buick, your replacement has arrived!)

Dear Jacksonville, FL:

Be there in an hour. Thank you for the great weather!!!

Sincerely, - your craziest refugee (St Augustine is cheaper even than you. And nicer. And smaller. And less ghetto.)


----------



## Surlysomething

Heyyou said:


> Otherwise, all you do is flaunt wealth. Think about that, too.


 
Buying a car over $12,000 is flaunting wealth? Your views on the world are skewed. Think about THAT.


----------



## snuggletiger

wow is there even new cars going for under 12,000?


----------



## LillyBBBW

Dear You.

You know I love you but you have _got_ to learn to keep your big mouth shut. Ever since you were a baby, I swear. You're always whining about how everyone is against you but more than half of your problems are self inflicted. You need to stop repeating everything that anybody tells you. You can't seem to resist the urge to sing out loud every time you have an audience. I swear, I'm not going to empathize with you anymore. You've finally worn me out. I need to stop worrying about you and you need to be bludgeoned with the blunt force of the consequences of your actions. I hope this helps you learn and grow, for my sake as well as yours. You're going to make me crazy.

signed,
Lolla



One,

I'm sorry I keep blowing off our engagements. I've been getting distracted but I'm going to change that. Thanks for being patient with me. We'll do this!

Me.


----------



## CleverBomb

snuggletiger said:


> wow is there even new cars going for under 12,000?


Yes, but you probably wouldn't enjoy driving them. And to be honest, I'm pretty sure some of us wouldn't fit in them, either. 
About.com - Least Expensive Cars of 2011

A stripped Hyundai Accent GL or Nissan Versa 1.6 might actually get you out the door for under $12K. (The Nissan does have air conditioning.)


-Rusty


----------



## Shosh

Dear Garden,

You are looking so pretty. Looking at all your pretty flowers and plants is giving me so much happiness.

You are truely a sight to behold.

Thanks for your beauty.

Shoshie


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Grey Hairs-

I've been denying you for years. I refused to let you grow and when I saw one of you, I pulled you out like a weed in my garden.I didn't heed the warnings of "if you pull it out, three more will grow in it's place". I refused to let you take over where you dare not tread. I considered it a personal vendetta and I took out every single one of you that I could find. If I were in the Hair Mafia, they would vote me the Godmother. I warned you just like Lady MacBeth, "Out Grey hairs, OUT!" But you do not listen. You go on and do as you like.

I saw one of you today and...well, you were kind of pretty. I've decided to let nature take its course. I didn't pluck it out. I don't fear you anymore.


----------



## SMA413

Dear D-
Holy crap. I have it so bad for you now. Last night was so phenomenal. You knew we couldn't do anything sexy time related, but you were still adamant that if I didn't fall asleep next to you in your bed, I was asleep in the wrong bed. And the music? And opening up to me about your daughter? And calling me 10 minutes after I left in the morning to make sure I was getting to work ok and to tell me you had fun last night too? Aaaannnd calling yourself "my guy"?

:wubu:

I'm so far gone. I was in such a phenomenal mood at work that it didn't even matter I only really slept for like 2 hours.

I love this feeling.
-Me


----------



## Shosh

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Grey Hairs-
> 
> I've been denying you for years. I refused to let you grow and when I saw one of you, I pulled you out like a weed in my garden.I didn't heed the warnings of "if you pull it out, three more will grow in it's place". I refused to let you take over where you dare not tread. I considered it a personal vendetta and I took out every single one of you that I could find. If I were in the Hair Mafia, they would vote me the Godmother. I warned you just like Lady MacBeth, "Out Grey hairs, OUT!" But you do not listen. You go on and do as you like.
> 
> I saw one of you today and...well, you were kind of pretty. I've decided to let nature take its course. I didn't pluck it out. I don't fear you anymore.



They say if you pull one grey hair out, three more come to it's funeral!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear guyfriend,

Thank you for playing CoH with me tonight, and talking on the phone with me. I love listening to you muttering to yourself, and geeking out, and explaining things to me. Unfourtunately I can't remember what you tell me, because I'm too focused in chick-land going 'oh he's so cute' --- blame my gender, I'm sorry. 

Can't wait for tomorrow, 
Meggers.


----------



## mimosa

Dear R

Why do you mention my ex's name in all our conversations? I do not understand your obsession since we are just friends. Are you in love with him or something? Is there something you want to tell me? Dang it, R. What is your problem????!!!! :doh::huh::bounce:


Your annoyed friend, 

N


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Lou DiBella,

You SUCK! How in the holy hell could you allow Bernard Hopkins to lose a fight by being TACKLED UFC style? I know your ratings have fallen so far down the toilet that you want some MMA elements involved but you don't let a referee get away with a stunt like that.

Good luck trying to rebound from this disgrace.

Signed,

Ajax


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear work,

A client who gets up every hour is not a "sleeping shift."

Love,

An exhausted DP


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Monday,

I hate you. 

That is all.

-*grumble*


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Friend of some years:

Dismissive then, dismissive now? It seems its all you. Im annoyed.

Sincerely, - heyyou.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear longtime online friend,

I loved you all these years, I finally confess my feelings, and that's what I get? I find it irritatingly painful that _she_ ... *SHE* who did not deserve a first chance, was your _last_ chance at Long Distance Relationships. I would do anything, give anything --even a limb or two-- to be with you and have you call me yours. You're the closest thing this world has to offer as a 'perfect' man, and fuck... No, it did not and does not make me feel better to know if I lived closer you'd give me a chance. That makes me feel worse. 

Sincerely,
Stuck trying to kill off emotions.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Oh Megan, I think so many of us have been there. The fact is, though, that if he doesn't think you're worth traveling for he just really isn't that into you, regardless of what he claims. You know the now-cliche phrase going around... don't make someone a priority when you're only their option. A man who really wants you will make the effort. You would give anything, and he won't even consider travel... 

I know, easier said than done. Sorry, honey.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

He said he's game for visiting me, but he doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship. [/Which only confuses me more, along with his being flirty with me. ]


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Yeah... I would run, not walk.... the other way, away from that. Telling you you're worth visiting (for who knows what purposes he has in mind) but not worth dating... well, he's really telling you all you need to know, right there. 

A male friend of mine told me once that guys tell you exactly who and what they are. It's women that don't want to believe it that don't listen. I don't know how true that is in general, but it's definitely proven true for me a time or two.


----------



## vardon_grip

Your Plump Princess said:


> He said he's game for visiting me, but he doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship. [/Which only confuses me more, along with his being flirty with me. ]



Maybe he is suffering from JBS (James Brown Syndrome) where the person afflicted displays the symptom of "Can we hit it and quit?"


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dearest bed,

I hear you calling, and I am answering with a big, fat yes!

Love on ya,

DP


----------



## Your Plump Princess

x3 ...you guys make me laugh. I understand, as much as it sucks, I'm gonna have to fight my feelings on this one. Oh, Bother. [/Pooh Bear]


On an unrelated Note; 


Dear friends fiance,

You're temper tantrum while driving made me feel scared. Deathcow doesn't like to feel scared, or be made to feel intimidated, especially by a man. Therefore, I'm done. I'm done hanging out with you, around you, and going over to your house. This pisses me off even more, because it's not fair to your girlfriend. If you were any kind of man, you would fucking apologize to her and to me and work on changing your attitude problem. But instead, you insist you're not changing for anyone, so go rot. 

Sincerely,
The last friend you had.


----------



## mimosa

*Dear Cupid, 

Why do you keep pulling pranks on me? You aim your bow and arrow at the right person with the wrong situation or the wrong person with the right situation. You are so childish and foolish. You need a good spanking. You need to stop this kind of behavior. I am disarming you today. Your kisses and charm are no good here. So SCRAM! 


Mimosa*


----------



## snuggletiger

at least cupid aims for ya Mimosa


----------



## mimosa

snuggletiger said:


> at least cupid aims for ya Mimosa



Nah, that little guy is just being a punk.


----------



## Heyyou

mimosa said:


> Nah, that little guy is just being a punk.



Ill shoot him for you  He is bringing knives to gunfights, with those silly Kid Icarus-style "arrows." And im armed! 

Dear Roomie:

You can cook, ill give you that. Now its time to see if this shared motel room, 1999 Mercury Mystique with cracked windshield, church may pay rent and if they dont then............ im kind of in an alternate universe here.

Sincerely, - heyyou


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Me-

Keep on with the kindness. Don't worry about those things that are bothering you. Listen to your inner voice and do what you think is right. Listen to what you are thinking before you react. It's okay to have doubts about people but it's not always okay to voice them. In the end you only have to answer to one person and if you can honestly say to him that you did your very best--that will be enough. Remind yourself that to love someone unconditionally means that you don't expect anything from them in return. It's okay to love and pray for people who don't show you the same kindnesses, and it's okay to think about those who have left your life and hope that they are doing well in their lives (even if you haven't heard from them in a long time). God puts the right people in your life at the right times. Pray for, appreciate and love those who do show you kindness. Pray harder for those who don't because they need it most and don't forget to pray for yourself, too.

Me


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Lovelyone
Yaaaaaaaaaay for being nice . Remember being nice always worked for Kermit in the movies.
Hugs
Snuggletiger


----------



## mimosa

Heyyou said:


> Ill shoot him for you  He is bringing knives to gunfights, with those silly Kid Icarus-style "arrows." And im armed!
> 
> Sincerely, - heyyou



Thanks Heyyou, 

Please kick his butt for me.


----------



## spacce

Dear Internet,

I wish you were faster...


----------



## TexasTrouble

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Me-
> 
> Keep on with the kindness. Don't worry about those things that are bothering you. Listen to your inner voice and do what you think is right. Listen to what you are thinking before you react. It's okay to have doubts about people but it's not always okay to voice them. In the end you only have to answer to one person and if you can honestly say to him that you did your very best--that will be enough. Remind yourself that to love someone unconditionally means that you don't expect anything from them in return. It's okay to love and pray for people who don't show you the same kindnesses, and it's okay to think about those who have left your life and hope that they are doing well in their lives (even if you haven't heard from them in a long time). God puts the right people in your life at the right times. Pray for, appreciate and love those who do show you kindness. Pray harder for those who don't because they need it most and don't forget to pray for yourself, too.
> 
> Me



Thanks for posting this. I really needed to hear a reminder like it.


----------



## Lovelyone

snuggletiger said:


> Dear Lovelyone
> Yaaaaaaaaaay for being nice . Remember being nice always worked for Kermit in the movies.
> Hugs
> Snuggletiger



I love Kermit. 
Hugs back at ya, snuggletigger. 



TexasTrouble said:


> Thanks for posting this. I really needed to hear a reminder like it.



You are very welcome  . I have to remind myself of these things all the time.


----------



## hellokitty

Dear long distance boyfriend, 

Finally after being apart for a year now you are coming back. I've missed snuggling with my big teddy bear. I'm so proud of all you have accomplished and can't wait to see all those awards, trophys, and belts you have earned and won. You are going to destroy the MMA fighters in Chicago and I'll be front row watching you kick ass. November 1st better hurry the hell up. I can't wait any longer. 

Love you so much, 
Kitty

Ps. 370 miles from Chicago to Lexington. Drive fast and you can be here on holloween!!!


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Mom:

Hi! Im putting in applications still, any word on any money developments? This appears to be "make it or break it" week. Thanks! TTYS

Sincerely, - your son, heyyou


----------



## KHayes666

Dear you,

I know I'm almost a year late but....BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAA.

Karma's a bitch and so are you. Enjoy


Signed,

T.R.P.


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear Brother,

Call me next time first, then you won't have a pissed off oldest sister, an annoyed peacemaking middle sister, and we will all love each other still.

Love,

DP


----------



## CAMellie

You know who you are,


For the love of all that's holy...SHUT UP!!!


big squishy hugs,

moi


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear _You_,

You've been dating her 5 months. So fiance or not, You're a fucking verbally abusive asshole. I'm sick of sitting by and watching you talk to my best friend like that, and if you do it again I'm going to go crazy white chick on you. You may laugh, you may find it hilarious, I don't care. Underestimate me if you will, but Deathcow will always rescue her lady.. even if her lady doesn't understand why. 

Consider this your final warning,
Deathcow.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Greyhound Bus Company:

I love you. Will you marry me? Id be a good husband. For, without you, i dont know where i would be in my life. I need you. You need me, and my money. Here is my ticket. This can totally work. You want my money, and i want your love. Lets! 

Sincerely, - heyyou.


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear co-worker,

I would love to get all this off my chest to you in person, but it wouldn't do any good. So I'm just going to vent it here:

1. You getting your job back after quitting for a month, is utter bullshit and you know it.
A. We were overloaded with workers as it was.
B. I had to wait until 2 people went on maternity leave in order to come back, therefore, someone was NEEDED!
C. Why are you so special? Because our boss is fucking your sister, or what?

2. You receiving better hours than what you had when you left, along with no weekends is a slap to the face of your supposed best friend who works with us, who was next in line per seniority. She still works every other, you don't. Horseshit. While the best friend and I both had to start back with the crapfest hours. Again, 1C. And let's face it, yes, we left and came back a couple of times. This is your third.

3. I just found out today that you also received a considerable pay raise. For what?! It's not like we couldn't function without you...so what in the fuck is that about?! It must be nice to receive such perks because your sister's bf and his father (the main boss) own this place. 

I really get tired of hearing our boss say shit about how he all tries to treat us fairly, meanwhile, I work 10x harder than you, doing actual work vs. you standing around bumping your gums most of the day.

Don't think nobody else sees what's going on here.

Sick and tired of it,
Me!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Peanut Butter Sandwich,

Stop making me want milk with you, I'm Lactose Intolerant you SADIST! 

Sincerely,
Victim of the Nuts.


----------



## CastingPearls

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Peanut Butter Sandwich,
> 
> Stop making me want milk with you, I'm Lactose Intolerant you SADIST!
> 
> Sincerely,
> Victim of the Nuts.


Ice cold vanilla soy, almond or rice milk. It's delish.


----------



## idontspeakespn

Dear all my lovely, beautiful friends whom I love, 

I will literally projectile vomit if I hear that yet another one of you has gotten dream job, gotten engaged, gotten married or gotten pregnant and all your wildest dreams have come true.

Bully for you. Really. But I am so full of bitterness and hatred for you and all your wonder lives. I have been yet again passed by love, AGAIN, and my academic/professional career is at a stalling point and I am far from acheiving my small, simple dreams let alone my wildest ones.

You know this, so please don't say, 'don't give up you'll get your job!' or 'there are better fish in the sea!" I will V-O-M-I-T if I am subjected to one more platitude. 

I really do want to drop you all with a deer rifle because my bitterness and hatred has progressed so far. It's hurts, why can't you all see I'm in pain? 

And please don't tell me you're jealous of my life simply because I moved to a different country. It's not glamorous. I don't live in a penthouse suite in London, I don't share the Duchess Kate's hair stylist, and I am not taking European vacations every weekend. I'm a poor immigrant student, and that's the reality. 

And you wouldn't trade places with me anyway so please stop saying you would. Give up your Stepford lives for all the shit I'm dealing with? I don't think so.

But, I do love you. But please, just stop. I will cut you all out of my life if it comes to that, because the bitterness...it's literally eating a hole inside me. 

Thanks, 

your single, bitter, lonely, poor friend.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

CastingPearls said:


> Ice cold vanilla soy, almond or rice milk. It's delish.


See I never know, cause I've tried Vanilla Coconut and Almond "milk" but It just isn't like, what I'm expecting? So I'm like "ew" I'll have to try the rice one, though, Hmmmm~


----------



## mimosa

Heyyou said:


> Dear Greyhound Bus Company:
> 
> I love you. Will you marry me? Id be a good husband. For, without you, i dont know where i would be in my life. I need you. You need me, and my money. Here is my ticket. This can totally work. You want my money, and i want your love. Lets!
> 
> Sincerely, - heyyou.



Dear HeyYou

I think you and Greyhound would make beautiful babies together.:wubu: Just please don't name a baby Greyhound Jr. 

Love, 

Mimosa


----------



## Linda

Dear Crooner,

I will go to karaoke every week if I can hear you sing some more Michael Buble'. 

Sincerely,
Twitterpated


----------



## penguin

Dear chair,

Please stop that. I know I'm fat, I don't need you reminding me by slowly dropping down while I'm sitting on you. I can't afford another chair right now. So please just stay at the height I put you at. Making me sit lower fucks my hip up. Please be nice


----------



## TexasTrouble

idontspeakespn said:


> Dear all my lovely, beautiful friends whom I love,
> 
> I will literally projectile vomit if I hear that yet another one of you has gotten dream job, gotten engaged, gotten married or gotten pregnant and all your wildest dreams have come true.
> 
> Bully for you. Really. But I am so full of bitterness and hatred for you and all your wonder lives. I have been yet again passed by love, AGAIN, and my academic/professional career is at a stalling point and I am far from acheiving my small, simple dreams let alone my wildest ones.
> 
> You know this, so please don't say, 'don't give up you'll get your job!' or 'there are better fish in the sea!" I will V-O-M-I-T if I am subjected to one more platitude.
> 
> I really do want to drop you all with a deer rifle because my bitterness and hatred has progressed so far. It's hurts, why can't you all see I'm in pain?
> 
> And please don't tell me you're jealous of my life simply because I moved to a different country. It's not glamorous. I don't live in a penthouse suite in London, I don't share the Duchess Kate's hair stylist, and I am not taking European vacations every weekend. I'm a poor immigrant student, and that's the reality.
> 
> And you wouldn't trade places with me anyway so please stop saying you would. Give up your Stepford lives for all the shit I'm dealing with? I don't think so.
> 
> But, I do love you. But please, just stop. I will cut you all out of my life if it comes to that, because the bitterness...it's literally eating a hole inside me.
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> your single, bitter, lonely, poor friend.



This is what the "hide status updates" button was created for on facebook.


----------



## TexasTrouble

Your Plump Princess said:


> See I never know, cause I've tried Vanilla Coconut and Almond "milk" but It just isn't like, what I'm expecting? So I'm like "ew" I'll have to try the rice one, though, Hmmmm~



Have you tried the Very Vanilla Soymilk? Not regular vanilla, "very vanilla." It always sells out at my local grocery store, it's that yum.


----------



## mimosa

Dearest Sweet little Stalker, 

You know who you are! I only have one thing to tell you. This song explains it all: 
http://youtu.be/Toi9AHU75Ys

 uh huh


Love, 
Mimosa


----------



## CastingPearls

TexasTrouble said:


> Have you tried the Very Vanilla Soymilk? Not regular vanilla, "very vanilla." It always sells out at my local grocery store, it's that yum.


Not easy for me to find but that's a favorite of mine too. ICE COLD.


----------



## CAMellie

Jan,

I know you enjoy your independence...I really do...but please, for the love of everything, do NOT buy a motorcycle!!! You can't even walk without falling down. Seriously...you fell down and broke your wrist. You trip over your own feet, the vacuum cleaner (how you did THAT I have no clue), cracks in the sidewalk...air. You're 76 years old, you've had a heart transplant (so you're on all kinds of meds that affect your blood pressure...which could cause you to pass out), you've VERY recently had cataract surgery on BOTH eyes, and you are extremely forgetful. Your family and gentleman friend are very happy to take you wherever you need to go with no complaints...please listen to them.


Caring but very worried,

Melanie


----------



## idontspeakespn

TexasTrouble said:


> This is what the "hide status updates" button was created for on facebook.



True. But I can't hide from thoughtful cards or letters that come through the post or facebook messages. It's too late, I've already seen it.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear anyone willing to read this,

Talk about a penalty kill. Anyone see the guy in the Bruins shirt in the Gaddafi video?

Signed,

Bruins Fan


----------



## KittyKitten

Dear [insert blood relative],

Stop being such a naggy b-tch. You are such a perfectionist, nothing I ever do is good enough. You rarely give me praise it's always usually something I do wrong. It is because of you that I question my self confidence. You always criticize me. I'm sick of it. You think you mean well, but it pisses me off to no end. They say Aries never get along with Cancers and that has always been the case with my life being a Cancer. You can be so hurtful. 


Love,

your [insert blood relative]


----------



## Heyyou

Dear My Friend's Laptop:

You tried hard to be broken, but.... i fixed you. 

Next up: Auto trans on 2002 Focus. 

Sincerely, - The Fixer.


----------



## mimosa

*Dear, Grandma
Please do not tell all of my childhood secrets to the baby boy. I am trying to teach how to be a gentleman and NOT say bad words. Telling him I use to cuss as a little girl is not helping. :doh:It's not my fault Grandpa had a mouth on him! I wish you could take back what you said. But baby boy told me and laughed in my face about the whole thing. Bad Grandma! Oh well, I love you anyway. :wubu:

Love, 
Big Mama



Dear Baby Duckling, 

No boobies do not taste like mash potatoes and biscuits. You are one silly little monkey! I love you, my little sugar cookie. You are my dumpling and my pudding too! XOOXOXOX 

Love, 
Mama Duckling*


----------



## mimosa

happyface83 said:


> Dear [insert blood relative],
> 
> Stop being such a naggy b-tch. You are such a perfectionist, nothing I ever do is good enough. You rarely give me praise it's always usually something I do wrong. It is because of you that I question my self confidence. You always criticize me. I'm sick of it. You think you mean well, but it pisses me off to no end. They say Aries never get along with Cancers and that has always been the case with my life being a Cancer. You can be so hurtful.
> 
> 
> Love,
> 
> your [insert blood relative]



I see my older sister came to visit you! 

Bless your heart, love. I know the feeling. This too shall pass. Hang in there, sugar! * big bear hug* I understand how exhausting it feels to make someone like an older sister/relative feel happy and they do not appreciate it. But take a deep breath. Remember *YOU* and *YOU* only need to impress yourself. Sending some love to ya.


----------



## Micara

Dear Facebook friends/Cardinals fans:

Shut the fuck up and talk about something else besides baseball, for the LOVE of GOD. 90% of you just jumped on the bandwagon now that they are in the World Series. THERE ARE OTHER THINGS TO TALK ABOUT. I am not only tired of hiding statuses, but hiding the SAME statuses from 100 different people. 

God.

Michele




Dear Baseball,

Please end now. And put my shows back on Fox. Why can't you just stay on ESPN where you belong?

Annoyed,
Michele


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Facebook friends:

What Micara said... only about college football. FFS it's only a damned game! One of you is so bad you threatened to defriend people if they said anything about your team. That's just pathetic. Grow up!

Rather disgusted now,

Melanie


----------



## one2one

Dear Narcissus,

This whole "I'm the matriarch" thing is getting more than a little old. And I know everyone thinks you're wonderful, but that has a lot to do with how much effort you invest in making sure they do. I've known you a long time and watched you manipulate and control even the simplest situation into a grand event, in which all the focus is on you and everyone is falling all over themselves to do what ever your moment-to-moment whims dictate. It's not wonderful. It's nauseating.

So, while you went off to 'visit the little girls' room (i.e. gaze at your reflection again), we took a vote. We have decided to reestablish our democracy, and overthrow the monarchy. You're the only one who wanted it in the first place, and you're not the bloody Queen of England.

Sincerely,
The one who doesn't care anymore if you spend the rest of your life telling everyone how awful you think I am for not enabling your illusions or letting you manipulate and control me.


----------



## mimosa

*Oh sweet stalker....

Everything Mae West says here: 
http://youtu.be/5L0eJp7V2Zs



Mimosa

*


----------



## AuntHen

Dear *Most *Beautiful Boy,

Even though I tell you in private quite frequently, I just have to publicly declare how much I love you and how precious you are to me. Je t'aime de tout mon coeur, mon amour! :wubu: 

May God bless our love always! 

:kiss2::kiss2:

~B~


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear ABC Family,

I love your line-up of movies today! Nightmare Before Christmas, Corpse Bride, Coraline, and Beetlejuice? You’ve made my boring night, a wonderful romantic night in [For Me, Myself, and I] 

Thanks a TON!

Sincerely,
Me.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear guy I saw walking down the bus stairs,

I wasn't laughing at you specifically, just the scenario in which you fell down. I'm glad you didn't actually fall down but thinking about you doing it made me laugh for 17 straight minutes.

Being stuck in traffic for 2 hours, that's exactly what I needed to clam down.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Courier

thank you thank you thank you I know you may get into trouble for it especially as I have also had the argument with DODO numerous times re photo id I totally appreciate you leaving my new baby laptop and modem even if you left here in a bad mood. You have no idea how grateful I am


Sincerely 

Yay I have net again


----------



## spacce

dear amazon.com
You use to be good at delivery now you're starting to suck

starting to hate you,
spacce


----------



## mimosa

spacce said:


> dear amazon.com
> You use to be good at delivery now you're starting to suck
> 
> starting to hate you,
> spacce



Dear spacce

You got that right! :bow:


hugs, 

Mimosa


----------



## spacce

dear amazon.com again,

it better be hear today


Shipment Date:	October 16, 2011
Destination:	*******, AL, US
Estimated Arrival:	October 20, 2011

October 24, 2011	06:51:00 AM	******, AL US	Arrival Scan


GRRRR


----------



## mimosa

Dear YOU-KNOW-WHO, 

You don't even deserve the dirt between my toes. So you better be FUCKING glad that I am a real lady. You are a low life disrespecting liar. I can not believe you would do that to me and your son. SO it was good when you made it up to your son this morning....If not, I was going to cut off your balls and put them in my purse. You can only kick me so many times before you wake up the bitch inside of me. SO SHAPE THE FUCK UP or your fucking balls are mine. 

Thanks in advance, 

Mimosa:happy:

PS: I am NOT even sorry I wrote this for the abuse I have suffered from you for 17 years.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear FED-EX,
it would be nice when you put the door tag on my door that you might put another time down when you'd be returning with the package.
Signed
Snuggletiger who missed you 3 times.


----------



## CastingPearls

To Whom It May Concern:

If you are married, and they don't understand you, you're breaking up, you have nothing in common anymore, only staying together for the kids, etc.---you are scum: not interested. No exceptions.

If you are single but want to bitch about your ex or current gf, see the above: not interested. No exceptions.

Any requests, oblique or blatant for full-body shots, nude shots, cam sex, etc. will result in blocking and ignoring. No exceptions.

If you're interested AND I return that interest, and you don't treat me with respect the way I deserve to be treated. Not interested. No exceptions. 

I can't respect anyone who has no respect for themselves or me. I can't control your problems or issues but I can control how I respond to them and I choose to surround myself with people who deserve me. So if you make the culling, lucky you. If you don't, nothing personal.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear ungrateful asshats-

Someday someone in your family is going to call your house with sad news--the passing of a relative or news of a severe car accident, the illness that will take the life of someone in your family or some such similar news. When your family calls you it is your OBLIGATION to answer. IT could be YOUR immediate family member that we are calling you about--as was the case last night. Playing phone tag with you while you screen your calls because you "don't want to talk with us" is not only rude and insulting but it shows a complete lack of consideration and thoughtfulness on your part. Acting in such a manner hardly garners familial ties either.
Furthermore, when you are thanking people who helped your child please be sure to also thank the ONE person who called all of your friends and "family" in order to find you and let you know that your child was in an accident. It was thoughtless and inconsiderate to thank all of your friends by name IE: your ex, your other ex, and your best friend and NOT thank the person who facilitated it in the first place. Especially when the person making the calls is weak, nauseaous and tired from cancer treatments. Those same people that you thanked "screened" their calls and kept you from finding out that your child was in an accident that totaled your car. You might want to suggest that they answer their damned phones (a suggestion that you should also heed) cos if they had, you would have known about the car crash and arrived at the hospital 40 minutes earlier. Just sayin'
Me


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear Me,

I wish you had more moxy to tell people exactly what you think about them, whether they are worth the waste of energy, or not. Keep working on that...and on not letting the petty-ness of people get to you. If they don't care to acknowledge that if they took the opportunity to really get to know you, that you're a pretty cool person, then fk them. Their loss!!

Signed,
The you, you should be


----------



## Yakatori

snuggletiger said:


> "_Dear FED-EX,
> 
> ...missed you 3 times._"


Heh-Heh


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear RL friends,

Really? I can't leave town for a measly 4.5 days without super drama happening? Jeebus Cannibalistic Pryce! :doh: 

Sincerely,
Missing out in Nowheresville.


----------



## mimosa

Dear YOU-KNOW-WHO

You better be glad I did vented here before I talked to you about your actions. I was ready to tell you off for the first time in my life. But I didn't because I actually honor you. You are the father of my precious son. Also because I have known you for 17 years. 

One thing I have always been is a lady. I have never been disrespectful to you. Not even in your worst moments. You will NEVER find a woman like me. I hope one day, you will appreciate my never-ending sea of kindness. I pray that someday you will see that once upon a time, just how much I truly loved you in the most pure way anyone has ever loved another human being. I gave you my whole life since I was 15 years old. No one could ever find enough riches in any treasure chest that can pay for that kind of love. 
So It's completely over now. Even if you never truly loved me, you stood by your honor all these years and took care of me and gave me a precious son that we both adore. I have much to be thankful for. Even if this love story was one sided. You will always be my first love. Thank you for everything. Goodbye, W

Mimi


----------



## Linda

Dear Perspective,

I know I am supposed to be keeping you in check but that was by far the best thing anyone has ever done for me. 
I was laughing, I was crying, I was smiling from ear to ear.
It really touched my heart.

So... perspective....cya later.

Sincerely, Me


----------



## mimosa

*Dear You-Know-Who

It's beautiful to see you spending quality time with your son again. He is really going to enjoy that Broncos game. When my son is happy, I am happy.  

Yay!:happy:

Mims


Dear racist jerk, 

Do not contact me ever again!  And No, I will not send you photos of my boobs. My sweet boobies are reserved for gentleman that are NOT racist. 


Mimosa*


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Motivation and Energy

Pretty please come back and bring back a little self discipline with you I need to be doing more each day than just well not a lot of anything and I need you both to help me so I can get back to a place where I can create and get more done

thanks in advance

very grateful for your return


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Money,

I know you're owed to me, so please hurry up and get here! I hear rumors of Xbox 360's being on sale for Black Friday, and I _really really really_ want to get one for cheap so I can buy a Kinect, too. 


Sincerely,
Waiting all month.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Sis:

Who the F are YOU!!! Firstly, you are driving my MOM'S CAR. Secondly, we are BROKE. Yeah, your Boyfriend LONAED my mom $1500.. but now you are talking about a $220K home. WTF!! Ok, you are an ER nurse tech and you are b****** about stuff that may or may not have happened to you, you both know my Mom and Central NJ is not exactly an inexpensive place to live.. When did YOU join the elite home-buying public? And you are two years YOUNGER than me? MAY I REMIND YOU THAT YOU NEEDED AN -ABORTION- 8 YEARS AGO?? Yeah, how do you think you ended up with Sean. Remember who was before him??? I see how it is.

Sincerely, - Your Brother.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear DIMS:

If ANYONE wants to adopt Lucky, Hemi, Mambo, .. PM me. Northern NJ/Hudson Co. (Mambo needs a home!! HE IS A GOOD BOY!!)

Thank you.

Sincerely, - heyyou

pics of teh kittehs! 

Lucky and Mambo http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.220890404644180.54809.100001696655273&type=1&l=e8b558d598


----------



## KHayes666

Dear T-Bird, Skank and Tin Tin

Its Devil's Night my friends, you know what that means....

FIRE IT UP! FIRE IT UP! FIRE IT UP! FIRE IT UP!

signed,

Fun Boy


----------



## mimosa

Dear Butthead,

Stop asking me what's wrong. You are an idiot if you don't know. :doh:

Your fat (sexy and cute) roommate, 

Mimosa

Idiots like you should be kissing my rolls and moles.


----------



## spacce

Dear the other me,

time to come out and play..

sincerely,
the other personality


----------



## Surlysomething

This, yep.


----------



## mimosa

Dear You Know Who, 

See, now do you get it why you should NEVER tell our son: "You can say bad words when you are older?" 

Now you are in trouble at work for YOUR terrible language. 

I hope you get it now. 

Uh huh, 
Mimosa

You should listen more to wise ladies like me.


----------



## Heyyou

Surlysomething said:


> This, yep.



That first line of that pic is my favorite saying! 

For proof, please note these pics, posted up about a week before seeing this picture. Note my captions. 

(Hint: The caption is the same as the first line of the photo in the black, with the wording before "I can remove 90% of your beauty with a Kleenex.) It is one of my favorite sayings. 

Oh well, FB is acting slow... but trust me, it is there.


----------



## spacce

Dear me,
You're confusing yourself..

-sigh-

sign,
me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Higher Powers,

Forgive us for what we must do, it goes against all we practice but it must be done.

Sincerely,
_Us_


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Fred Jackson,

GET IN THE GOD DAMN ENDZONE!


Signed,

Frustrated Fantasy Owner


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Sis,
I know that "things" don't have any meaning or sentimentality to you, and that's fine--for you.. I know that you couldn't care less if your kids destroy something that I have an emotional attachment to. But really, the least that you could do is understand that just because an item means NOTHING to you and isn't "worth" a penny...does not mean it has no value to me. Please be mindful of how other people feel in the future. Allowing your children to destroy our mother's house and antique rocking chair(the one she rocked us to sleep in when we were babies) is just inconsiderate of the feelings of others. 


Sign me, 
"More thoughtful than you've ever been"


----------



## mimosa

Dear Cupid, 

Okay, so you were a little closer this time. But, you're still a little stinker!:doh: 

Love, 

Mimosa


----------



## Linda

My Dearest Friend,

You are the best thing that has come into my life in a very long time. It has been refreshing to get to know you and find out the caliber of the person that you are. I know that our earlier conversation was anticipated to go badly perhaps but you should know that it has only raised you up higher on the pedestal I have placed you. Most of the people I know pale in comparison to your outlook on life, your candor, your honesty, your sincerity and most everything else you have got to offer this world. I thank God everyday that I know you and that will never change. 

Thank you for making me a better person, for keeping it "real" and for just being you. You are amazing.

all of my heart, Linda


----------



## spacce

Dear gods, 

let the games begin..
Lets defy the gods shall we. 

,
spacce


----------



## mimosa

Dear certain gentlemen, ( Not all of you. Only some of you....)

Do not let lust make you act like a crazy person, okay? You start acting and saying stuff like you are intoxicated. I noticed that it doesn't matter what a person wears too! I could be dressed like a nun and you act up anyway. What's up with that? Please get help if you need it, there is no shame in that. 

Take care, 

Mimosa


----------



## idontspeakespn

Dear you,

I miss you. I miss talking to you, asking you questions every five minutes (which you answered with immeasurable patience). I miss your voice.
I miss your touch, even though I had it ever so briefly. I miss your cheeky humour. I miss the butterflies that bubbled up whenever I saw a message or a text from you. 

I'm not mad at you and I'm not completely miserable either. 

But I do miss you.

~Tiffani


----------



## mimosa

Dear Tiffani, 

I can relate. Big hugs. 

Mimosa






idontspeakespn said:


> Dear you,
> 
> I miss you. I miss talking to you, asking you questions every five minutes (which you answered with immeasurable patience). I miss your voice.
> I miss your touch, even though I had it ever so briefly. I miss your cheeky humour. I miss the butterflies that bubbled up whenever I saw a message or a text from you.
> 
> I'm not mad at you and I'm not completely miserable either.
> 
> But I do miss you.
> 
> ~Tiffani


----------



## Micara

Dear Insurance Companies,

If you don't stop sending out your confusingly-worded Medicare Plan propaganda, and scaring the hell out of old people who then call me all freaked out, I will bash you in the kneecaps.

A Civil Servant


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Micara said:


> Dear Insurance Companies,
> 
> If you don't stop sending out your confusingly-worded Medicare Plan propaganda, and scaring the hell out of old people who then call me all freaked out, I will bash you in the kneecaps.
> 
> A Civil Servant



Medicare is so ridiculous. I have yet to understand why they will pay on prescriptions until a certain amount and then make the patient pay full price until a certain amount until they take over again. Why they don't just charge higher copays throughout the year, to even it up, is beyond me. When they hit that donut hole (or sewer hole as I refer, because there is nothing sweet about it..it's absolutely crappy), you know there are many who cannot afford to pay those kinds of prices, and therefore, go without medicine until the new year kicks in and they start paying again. It pisses me off to see all these young people sitting on their asses with their 4 kids, all drawing SSI because ALL 4 kids are ADD, getting everything handed to them, while our seniors have to deal with this bs.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear 95.5 WPLJ FM, NYC:

I can set my (lack of a) watch.. strike that. I can tell TIME by your playtimes of Lady gaga - "The Edge."

You played it when i returned from my walk and forgot my camera :doh: so i knew it was 1PM. You ONLY play it at the top of the hour. :doh:

You play it EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. Either the first or second song of WPLJ, Scott and Todd in the morning, after the sound of the harp and the show intro.. usually the first, though ive heard it at 6:30 ONCE.

Now. I understand that you are a corporate news station, owned by ABC and everythign you do/say/play is mandated by them. But... seriously??

What is it with Lady Gaga. ? Why -THAT- song. ? You needed that song. It expands your "base." It makes it look like you have a new and "hip" mix. You play Katy Perry, the same tired "Pink" songs, the Usher song at night.. I like it when you play Brino Mars "Heartbreaker," but still, i mean, come on. You even toss out the Beyonce and Rihanna sometimes. SELL OUTS!!!

So, the more you artificially ensure that Lady gaGa dude's fame by beating that song into everyone's head (it IS better than the song of 2010 that i cover myears to, i HATE Lady gaga, but still..) ... now its about your lack of originality and predictability.

The more you hype this fame machine, the more i listen to my MP3s. Thank God for Sony. Im only saddened that screen protector never came.. so i have a well-worn MP3 player. (Thankfully THAT didnt get stolen from Jackso-- oh wait, it did. yeah this is my second one. I buy two of everhtung, so i always have a "back up" if something happens.)

May God have mercy on your soul, 95.5 WPLJ. 

Sincerely, - heyyou.


----------



## Surlysomething

:doh::doh:

Poke me in the eye with a sharp pencil.


----------



## Dromond

I've got a better use for that sharp pencil.


----------



## Surlysomething

Dromond said:


> I've got a better use for that sharp pencil.


 

I'm glad i'm not the only one that finds it mind-boggling.


----------



## Mathias

Heyyou said:


> Dear 95.5 WPLJ FM, NYC:
> 
> I can set my (lack of a) watch.. strike that. I can tell TIME by your playtimes of Lady gaga - "The Edge."
> 
> You played it when i returned from my walk and forgot my camera :doh: so i knew it was 1PM. You ONLY play it at the top of the hour. :doh:
> 
> You play it EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. Either the first or second song of WPLJ, Scott and Todd in the morning, after the sound of the harp and the show intro.. usually the first, though ive heard it at 6:30 ONCE.
> 
> Now. I understand that you are a corporate news station, owned by ABC and everythign you do/say/play is mandated by them. But... seriously??
> 
> What is it with Lady Gaga. ? Why -THAT- song. ? You needed that song. It expands your "base." It makes it look like you have a new and "hip" mix. You play Katy Perry, the same tired "Pink" songs, the Usher song at night.. I like it when you play Brino Mars "Heartbreaker," but still, i mean, come on. You even toss out the Beyonce and Rihanna sometimes. SELL OUTS!!!
> 
> So, the more you artificially ensure that Lady gaGa dude's fame by beating that song into everyone's head (it IS better than the song of 2010 that i cover myears to, i HATE Lady gaga, but still..) ... now its about your lack of originality and predictability.
> 
> The more you hype this fame machine, the more i listen to my MP3s. Thank God for Sony. Im only saddened that screen protector never came.. so i have a well-worn MP3 player. (Thankfully THAT didnt get stolen from Jackso-- oh wait, it did. yeah this is my second one. I buy two of everhtung, so i always have a "back up" if something happens.)
> 
> May God have mercy on your soul, 95.5 WPLJ.
> 
> Sincerely, - heyyou.




Dear Heyyou,

Myself and others here find it extremely offensive when someone who's clearly defined as a woman is referred to as a dude when she isn't. But whatever, play your "I can't control the things I do or say" card to avoid taking responsibly for the insensitive and idiotic things you say. It's worked out for you for this long right?


----------



## Dromond

Dear sir,

You claim to have a developmental/social disorder, but you actually do not manifest symptoms of the disorder you claim to have. You do manifest symptoms of narcissism, however.

Insincerely yours,

Moi


----------



## spacce

Dear various forum members,
i like this place, I really do, and adore you. But seriously sometimes you let people get under your skin when you shouldn't. You should put a mental block on things you like and keep your eyes on things you like. It's really not that hard. It is a internet forum, the thing about the internet is very free, some people are going to irk you, some people are going to drive you nuts, some people will embrace you, and you will embrace them. seriously 

Lets just all get along! Make love, peace, happiness with some sprinkles on top. I can add the cherries. 

sincerely
the newish guy here on this forum.
Spacce


----------



## Dromond

spacce said:


> Dear various forum members,
> i like this place, I really do, and adore you. But seriously sometimes you let people get under your skin when you shouldn't. You should put a mental block on things you like and keep your eyes on things you like. It's really not that hard. It is a internet forum, the thing about the internet is very free, some people are going to irk you, some people are going to drive you nuts, some people will embrace you, and you will embrace them. seriously
> 
> Lets just all get along! Make love, peace, happiness with some sprinkles on top. I can add the cherries.
> 
> sincerely
> the newish guy here on this forum.
> Spacce



You're right, of course. In ordinary circumstances I'd just ignore the person in question. Unfortunately there are some behind-the-scenes things going on that make me unable to let it wash over me. Am I letting him get to me? Yeah, I am. That's not typical for me. In this case, he's done some very bad things to a friend of mine and I can't let that go.


----------



## mimosa

Hot fudge sundae.... I can't rep this awesome letter from an awesome man. Hugs. 






spacce said:


> Dear various forum members,
> i like this place, I really do, and adore you. But seriously sometimes you let people get under your skin when you shouldn't. You should put a mental block on things you like and keep your eyes on things you like. It's really not that hard. It is a internet forum, the thing about the internet is very free, some people are going to irk you, some people are going to drive you nuts, some people will embrace you, and you will embrace them. seriously
> 
> Lets just all get along! Make love, peace, happiness with some sprinkles on top. I can add the cherries.
> 
> sincerely
> the newish guy here on this forum.
> Spacce


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Mathias said:


> Dear Heyyou,
> 
> Myself and others here find it extremely offensive when someone who's clearly defined as a woman is referred to as a dude when she isn't.



I agree with this as well. Please take others into consideration when posting derrogatory remarks about someone you hate for this is the internet and just like the world, it is comprised of various people, their races, sex and lifestyles. To expect a level of tolerance and understanding means to display it, as well. Just saying.


----------



## WVMountainrear

Luv2BNaughty said:


> I agree with this as well. Please take others into consideration when posting derrogatory remarks about someone you hate for this is the internet and just like the world, it is comprised of various people, their races, sex and lifestyles. To expect a level of tolerance and understanding means to display it, as well. Just saying.



And dear Alicia Rose has already expressed her offense and frustration with a similar Lady Gaga "dude" remark insensitively said in another thread by the same poster. Respect, tolerance, and understanding should work in all directions, especially if it has been previously addressed.


----------



## Heyyou

Dear Alicia Rose, Mathias, others:

I seem to have forgotten that a "dude" remark was or had been made previously, totally have. I am not disputing that i probablydid, once previous. This is why i feel saddened, as it was 100% NOT my intent to hurt feelings, rather to be witty. Clearly, it didnt work, and i apologize. I certainly meant it 100% in jest, and not to be insensitive to any LGBTQ persons. Had i remembered, i would not have posted about that song and the radio station when i came in from my walk today. I also wish i could click "Edit" and take that sentence out, i feel dumb. Apologies on the matter. I went out and took photographs today, then went back out again, and i heard that song before i came in. 

Again, i meant that "in jest." I still shouldnt have typed it, but if i didnt mean this i wouldnt be typing it right now. Im posting less, gradually so. Im getting outside more. I can do it. Ive been doing it. I also want to thank my friends that have taken an interest in me, you ARE helping me, and im actually posting less and doing more. Put in my Foodstamps app today, and talked to an SSI lawyer. Ill leave the links out, but these things i have done, the two i just mentioned.

I mean no disrespect towards any lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, or queer persons - LGBTQ, not now, and not in the past. Also, not in the future.

I cant edit up the post, all i can do is apologize here. Its the most appropriate thing to do, since its been brought to my attention by a friend.

Sincerely, - heyyou. (And i did tell myself i wasnt going to respond, but i decided that an apology was in order on my part before i left it alone. Im working on my flaws, be they narcissistic or HF Aspergian, i am probably both.) Thank you.


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

lovelylady78 said:


> And dear Alicia Rose has already expressed her offense and frustration with a similar Lady Gaga "dude" remark insensitively said in another thread by the same poster. Respect, tolerance, and understanding should work in all directions, especially if it has been previously addressed.



Yes, I know. The entire comment was for heyyou. Apparently that was misinterpreted.

ETA: Thank you, heyyou, for the apology.


----------



## KittyKitten

Dear folks,

Can't we all just get along? Thanksgiving is coming and I'm ready to chow down. 

-HF


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear powers that be,

Let my life go VERY smoothly over the next few months. I can really use the break from what's been happening.

thanks,
me


----------



## Heyyou

Luv2BNaughty said:


> Yes, I know. The entire comment was for heyyou. Apparently that was misinterpreted.



Im trying, with my all, to do better. I am not sure how to feel when i go and do something *dumb* like that, to post something that could be perceived as insensitive. I didnt *mean* it like that, nor did i want to be mean! I meant it in jest. I failed, horribly. And this in light of doing good otherwise.

I think i lost a friend over it, and i may in fact have some narcissistic tendeicies. There are big changes going on over here in the heyyou world, and im rather mad at myself that i pushed away someone that was helping me over that "comment." 

Some people really dont like me, perhaps there are valid reasons why. I sbmit to you that there are also *in*valid reasons why. I feel like dog poop over this, someone like me can be doing good then mess up stupidly. Its how i lost all of my stuff.

Ill stop now.. im just worried. Also apologetic. (And i yet again am shown how things can be perceived, that i NEVER thought of. I need to use this notebook i got. shoot.)


----------



## KittyKitten

Dear friend,

It's ok, you apologized, move on. I like you as a person. 

HF


----------



## WVMountainrear

Luv2BNaughty said:


> Yes, I know. The entire comment was for heyyou. Apparently that was misinterpreted.
> 
> ETA: Thank you, heyyou, for the apology.



I know...I just wanted to make sure the right memories were jogged in the right people.


----------



## WVMountainrear

Heyyou said:


> Im trying, with my all, to do better...<snip>



You've apologized profusely and that's all that you can do. You'll be fine. Keep working hard.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear SpongeBob,

I liked your voice from your *first *episodes. It was cute and made me giggle. Why did you change it to that annoying sound? It's obnoxious and I do not like it. Please change it back. 

Sincerely,

Me


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky

Please let her get better...I mean really better btw. Not temporarily, ok. I am so very worried about the impact this is having on the one I love most in the world. I can't do anything to help and this is causing me great stress.

Love
Kimberly

PS If you could check out my knee I'd be cool with that too.


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

fat9276 said:


> Dear SpongeBob,
> 
> I liked your voice from your *first *episodes. It was cute and made me giggle. Why did you change it to that annoying sound? It's obnoxious and I do not like it. Please change it back.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Me



Thank you! People think I'm crazy, I guess but I said the same exact thing! I can't remember what season was on when I caught it, but I literally said his voice was different! lol 

Dear 11th,

I'm so excited for you! Not only do you commemorate our Veterans, but you also are my son's birthday AND boxed sets of HP are due to be released?! Come on, already!!


----------



## pegz

Dear Biker Bitch,

You've been doing so much better lately. Don't go back to the way you were. Our office is so much better when you reel it in. I can see it sneaking back...that bitchy attitude. It's a hard time right now for everyone. Ease up and back off.

Signed.... the girl next door


----------



## penguin

spacce said:


> Dear various forum members,
> i like this place, I really do, and adore you. But seriously sometimes you let people get under your skin when you shouldn't. You should put a mental block on things you like and keep your eyes on things you like. It's really not that hard. It is a internet forum, the thing about the internet is very free, some people are going to irk you, some people are going to drive you nuts, some people will embrace you, and you will embrace them. seriously
> 
> Lets just all get along! Make love, peace, happiness with some sprinkles on top. I can add the cherries.
> 
> sincerely
> the newish guy here on this forum.
> Spacce



There's more to the story than someone posting buckets of drivel, transphobic statements and walls of text. The ignore function doesn't ignore the user, it just hides their posts so that you can still see every. time. they. post. and, IMO, it makes them MORE annoying. I get where you're coming from, but what's bothering all these people has been going on for quite a while now and we're all a bit frustrated by it.


----------



## KittyKitten

Dear whomever,

<Sigh>Not ashamed to stand up for a person. I know some people are irritated by a certain person. But i've known this poster (won't say his real name) for more than a year. I've actually met him in person. He is indeed a very intelligent and very warm person. He has no hatred in his soul. Very creative mind. He is a pillar of strength as he has been through so much in his life. I always try to get to know people before I judge them and shrug them off. 

Regards, 

HF


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear everybody,

Can't we just move on? I'm sick of thread after thread after fucking thread being derailed (or started) by, for and about him and wonder if the name of this site should be changed because at this point it's like spam or harassment courtesy of The Heyyou Show and I'm not apologizing for ONE GODDAMN WORD. Everyone don't forget to pat yourself on the back on the way out.

Have a nice fucking day and GOD BLESS US EVERYONE.

*condescending sighs notwithstanding*


----------



## Heyyou

CastingPearls said:


> Dear everybody,
> 
> Can't we just move on? I'm sick of thread after thread after fucking thread being derailed (or started) by, for and about him and wonder if the name of this site should be changed because at this point it's like spam or harassment courtesy of The Heyyou Show and I'm not apologizing for ONE GODDAMN WORD. Everyone don't forget to pat yourself on the back on the way out.
> 
> Have a nice fucking day and GOD BLESS US EVERYONE.
> 
> *condescending sighs notwithstanding*



I tend to agree. Its best to let it lay, i too have nothing to apologize for except how i referred to Lady Gaga in my letter today, and its not a big deal.

Blatant hype notwithstanding, its dialed down significantly.

Thanks, - heyyou.


----------



## KittyKitten

Dear Summer,

I miss you so much, baby! I miss your radiance, your warmth, your energy! 

Regards, 
HF


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Dear Roommate:

Every time you cook, you make an enormous pot of food, eat maybe a third of it, and then leave the rest on the stove - uncovered, for some reason - to rot. I inevitably find it several hours later, by which time I could probably sell it to an insect museum for enough money to retire. Unless I'm feeling generous enough to clean it up - which is becoming increasingly rare - I just move it to the table outside your bedroom door, where it sits for up to a week at times, even though I know you walk by that table several times a day.

Not only does this habit of yours make the kitchen stink and contribute to the very roach infestation you've complained about for months, it makes starving children the world over spontaneously burst into tears.

Come on. We've talked about this several times.

Our refrigerator is an estimated seven paces from the stove, it works perfectly fine, and it's open 24/7 for your food-storing convenience.

Use it. 

USE IT.

*FUCKING USE IT, OR I WILL END YOU.*


----------



## JenFromOC

What the hell? I'm going back to the BHM/FFA board to hide....this is some deep shit.


----------



## Dromond

JenFromOC said:


> What the hell? I'm going back to the BHM/FFA board to hide....this is some deep shit.



It's safer that way.


----------



## CastingPearls

You,

I knew you stunk like dead fish. 
I knew you had no disease.
I knew you were a con-man and a criminal.
And now I have proof and am going to share it with EVERYONE who wants it. 
EVERYONE.


----------



## CastingPearls

It's much too late for goodbyes. 

Bye-bye.

public records are like Francesco Rinaldi spaghetti sauce--IT'S IN THERE!!!!


----------



## CastingPearls

There are two 'L's in appalling. FYI



This conversation is over.


----------



## Heyyou

......................


----------



## CAMellie

*blink blink* what the hell did I walk in on?


----------



## Heyyou

CAMellie said:


> *blink blink* what the hell did I walk in on?



CAMeille, i know you cant stand me either, but i just ended a bunch of crazy accusations with proof. 

Knock yourself out, its entertaining.

(and here i am, all set to post less.) !!! smh


----------



## JenFromOC

CAMellie said:


> *blink blink* what the hell did I walk in on?



My sentiments exactly....but I can't stop reading.....


----------



## CAMellie

JenFromOC said:


> My sentiments exactly....but I can't stop reading.....



It's like the scene of an accident...you want to look away...but it keeps drawing your eye


----------



## Heyyou

JenFromOC said:


> My sentiments exactly....but I can't stop reading.....



I tend to be that train wreck, yes.

See, there is a certain *obsession* with me, and this happens right after i resolve to post about once or twice a day, from mutla respect.

Still, i am me,wherever it is i may appear. And people hate me.

Im used to it. *shrug*


----------



## CAMellie

Heyyou said:


> CAMeille, i know you cant stand me either, but i just ended a bunch of crazy accusations with proof.
> 
> Knock yourself out, its entertaining.
> 
> (and here i am, all set to post less.) !!! smh



Um...yeah...don't draw me into this


----------



## ButlerGirl09

CAMellie said:


> It's like the scene of an accident...you want to look away...but it keeps drawing your eye



We have some gapers block!


----------



## Mathias

Dear thread,

And I thought the ending to Modern Warfare 3 was crazy. Holy shit. :blink:

Signed,

-Matt


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Adrian's Extended Family,

Please be as nice in person as you have been online and on the phone. I'm not close to most of my family anymore so I'm looking forward to having another "family". Don't ruin that, please. 

Hopefully (but VERY nervous),

Melanie

P.S. I promise to not be automatically defensive.


----------



## Dromond

Dear sir,

If you have a lot of enemies, maybe you should look at the one common element.

Just saying.


----------



## Shosh

I am so shocked and dismayed by this. How could you treat others in this manner?
How could you post such personal details and actual banking statements on an online forum board? It is absolutely unacceptable.

I and others have defended you in light of you having Aspergers Syndrome, but I am starting to question the diagnosis.
My younger brother has the syndrome and I have NEVER seen him exhibit this kind of behaviour.

I was very shocked and disturbed recently by a comment that you made calling a family member a stupid bitch for having an abortion. How could you!
That is the most horrible thing in my mind.

You have also allowed to stand a comment on your YouTube page where that crazy stalker made anti semitic remarks about myself. This person has stalked numerous people here.

Why is that comment still there?

I am sorry but in light of all this, I no longer feel that I can defend you or even continue to have a friendship with you.


----------



## mimosa

Dear Dimensions

I need this song tonight. My heart has been broken by a close friend. 

"When you love someone but it goes to waste."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JI-o25K6B-E&ob=av2n

:really sad:

Mimosa


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear asshole,

These lyrics are exactly all I have to say to you at this point;

_"Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time
What's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die
If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere,
*Do it somewhere far away from here*"_

I'm done, you fuckin' hit C, you scratched him up! Next time you wanna go drown your tears at the bar/turn into Captain Douchebag--- don't involve us. 

Sincerely,
One seriously pissed off friend of a Friend.


----------



## WVMountainrear

Shosh said:


> I am so shocked and dismayed by this. How could you treat others in this manner?
> How could you post such personal details and actual banking statements on an online forum board? It is absolutely unacceptable.
> 
> I and others have defended you in light of you having Aspergers Syndrome, but I am starting to question the diagnosis.
> My younger brother has the syndrome and I have NEVER seen him exhibit this kind of behaviour.
> 
> I was very shocked and disturbed recently by a comment that you made calling a family member a stupid bitch for having an abortion. How could you!
> That is the most horrible thing in my mind.
> 
> You have also allowed to stand a comment on your YouTube page where that crazy stalker made anti semitic remarks about myself. This person has stalked numerous people here.
> 
> Why is that comment still there?
> 
> I am sorry but in light of all this, I no longer feel that I can defend you or even continue to have a friendship with you.



I told him the same thing yesterday before Punky went public. He's burned his bridges.

And, Heyyou, PunkyGurly did NOT do this TO you. YOU did this to yourself. Just like I told you in every other situation you put yourself in. And if I see on any records I can authenticate that you have outstanding warrants, I have an ethical obligation to contact law enforcement in your jurisdiction. I know you know that's true.


----------



## danielson123

Dear Netflix,

I just stumbled upon Monk in your instant stream library. Couldn't be happier right now.

Cheers,
Dan



Dear everything else on my watch list,

See you after I rewatch all of Monk.

Dan


----------



## JenFromOC

Dear Family,

I won't be attending any holiday events this year, so if you'd like to see P, you'll have to enjoy her alone. Also, she's visiting her dad in AZ this month and I know that pisses you off. It's unfortunate that you don't understand that he IS her father and has a right to see her. 

Love, Jen


----------



## Surlysomething

Wow. It's amazing watching mental illness play itself out on a message board and there's not a mod in sight.


----------



## rellis10

Dear Thread,

Can we get back to what you're supposed to be about already.... please?

Your's Sincerely,
A concerned onlooker


----------



## danielson123

rellis10 said:


> Dear Thread,
> 
> Can we get back to what you're supposed to be about already.... please?
> 
> Your's Sincerely,
> A concerned onlooker



Rick,

I don't know why exactly, but 'Your's Sincerely, A concerned onlooker' came off as more British to me than the Queen herself. I love your verbiage!

Dan


----------



## snuggletiger

Wow and peeps are right not a Mod to step up and do what's right. This is an all new kinds of crazy. Just kinda speechless here at the trainwreck.


----------



## spacce

rellis10 said:


> Dear Thread,
> 
> Can we get back to what you're supposed to be about already.... please?
> 
> Your's Sincerely,
> A concerned onlooker



Dear rellis10,
I seriously doubt it can't and will. I will agree that the moderation here is lacking. I really feel bad for the people that is affected by this.. 

I get it now..


spacce


----------



## WVMountainrear

rellis10 said:


> Dear Thread,
> 
> Can we get back to what you're supposed to be about already.... please?
> 
> Your's Sincerely,
> A concerned onlooker





danielson123 said:


> Rick,
> 
> I don't know why exactly, but 'Your's Sincerely, A concerned onlooker' came off as more British to me than the Queen herself. I love your verbiage!
> 
> Dan



Dear rellis10,

I agree with danielson123 but would like to take this a step further. I propose that you record several small videos of yourself saying various phrases, make them into .gifs and post them at appropriate times. That way, not only can we read what you write in a snazzy British accent in our heads, but we can actually see and hear you saying it. What will it take to make this happen?? 

lovelylady78


----------



## Aust99

Thank god this hasn't been moderated yet... I think people need to see the shit going on behind the scenes here... My mind has been blown... 









Dear house...

Clean yourself up nice for me will you???? I need the place sparkling for my party in Saturday. 

From the birthday girl.


----------



## Micara

Dear Karma.

Wow. What did I do to you? I had an allergy attack in the middle of the night, I overslept and got to work late, I dropped my drink outside in a puddle, and then I get my life threatened by my 3rd customer of the day. I'm sorry for whatever I did, but if you could please see to it that my plane doesn't crash tonight, I will gladly accept whatever else you decide to throw at me today. 

Sincerely,
Michele


----------



## rellis10

lovelylady78 said:


> Dear rellis10,
> 
> I agree with danielson123 but would like to take this a step further. I propose that you record several small videos of yourself saying various phrases, make them into .gifs and post them at appropriate times. That way, not only can we read what you write in a snazzy British accent in our heads, but we can actually see and hear you saying it. What will it take to make this happen??
> 
> lovelylady78



Dear Lovelylady,

I require a list of the preferred phrases, a million dollars in unmarked bills and delivery of a talking penguin named Nigel.

Yours sincerely and hopefully awaiting my penguin,
Rick


----------



## Dromond

Moderation just happened.


----------



## AnnMarie

Dear posters, 

I'm sorry if the process of moderation doesn't always move swiftly enough for you. What with full time jobs, lives, and other obligations, along with attempting to do mass moderation from a 3 inch computer screen while at aforementioned full time job, it's not always possible to attack things as expeditiously as you'd like. 

Deepest apologies for our continued short comings. 

Mods.


----------



## LillyBBBW

rellis10 said:


> Dear Lovelylady,
> 
> I require a list of the preferred phrases, a million dollars in unmarked bills and delivery of a talking penguin named Nigel.
> 
> Yours sincerely and hopefully awaiting my penguin,
> Rick



Dear rellis,

I heard that entire phrase in the voice and inflections of John Cleese.

Me


----------



## Surlysomething

AnnMarie said:


> Dear posters,
> 
> I'm sorry if the process of moderation doesn't always move swiftly enough for you. What with full time jobs, lives, and other obligations, along with attempting to do mass moderation from a 3 inch computer screen while at aforementioned full time job, it's not always possible to attack things as expeditiously as you'd like.
> 
> Deepest apologies for our continued short comings.
> 
> Mods.


 

You're the only mod now? I did not know this.


----------



## CastingPearls

Surlysomething said:


> You're the only mod now? I did not know this.


Come on, Surly....you don't need to be a mod to be condescending.


----------



## Surlysomething

CastingPearls said:


> Come on, Surly....you don't need to be a mod to be condescending.


 

Apparently. 

But it's a 4 day weekend for me starting tomorrow night. W00t! So happy to get away from work it's ridiculous.


----------



## lushluv

rellis10 said:


> Dear Lovelylady,
> 
> I require a list of the preferred phrases, a million dollars in unmarked bills and delivery of a talking penguin named Nigel.
> 
> Yours sincerely and hopefully awaiting my penguin,
> Rick




Dear rellis10,

Does the penguin _*have*_ to be named Nigel? The rest though sounds completely doable. 

I found one named Ben.


----------



## snuggletiger

the penguin needs a snooty name like Preston or Pringle. Or even Throckmorton


----------



## lushluv

^^^

'_and I thought Nigel was difficult._'


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear vacuum,
Why did you have to up and die while spewing dust all over my carpet on the day that management is coming to my apartment (for the umpteenth time.. i hate these guys). Now i have to run out and get a new vacuum cuz you no longer suck.. and that sucks!
Why is it that all my stuff needs replacement in such a short time frame?! At least i don't have to pay for the repairs in the apartment since it's such a dump..(hence the house hunting)

Megan


----------



## rellis10

lushluv said:


> Dear rellis10,
> 
> Does the penguin _*have*_ to be named Nigel? The rest though sounds completely doable.
> 
> I found one named Ben.



Oh well I suppose this will have to do. Pack Ben up and send him over... I'll make sure I create the very best habitat for the little fella, complete with plenty of raw fish


----------



## WVMountainrear

rellis10 said:


> Dear Lovelylady,
> 
> I require a list of the preferred phrases, a million dollars in unmarked bills and delivery of a talking penguin named Nigel.
> 
> Yours sincerely and hopefully awaiting my penguin,
> Rick





snuggletiger said:


> the penguin needs a snooty name like Preston or Pringle. Or even Throckmorton



Dearest rellis10,

If I had a million dollars in unmarked bills and a talking penguin, it would take more than your sexy British tones to make me part with such things.  Plus, I wouldn't need to because Nigel Throckmorton would already speak with a British accent. 

Cheers,
lovelylady78


----------



## Yakatori

But then you go an' do it like this:


lushluv said:


> "_I found one named Ben._"



So:


lovelylady78 said:


> _...if I see on any records I can authenticate that you have outstanding warrants, I have an ethical obligation to contact law enforcement in your jurisdiction. * I know you know that's true.*_


View attachment MilliVanilli.jpg


----------



## penguin

Dear People,

You already have a talking penguin here. I may not have a groovy British accent, but I'm still pretty neat!


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

dear e'erbody, 


HHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Love, 

Hozay.


----------



## CastingPearls

penguin said:


> Dear People,
> 
> You already have a talking penguin here. I may not have a groovy British accent, but I'm still pretty neat!


You have an Awesome Aussie accent though.....


----------



## CAMellie

CastingPearls said:


> You have an Awesome Aussie accent though.....



Aussie accents are so sexy :smitten:


----------



## rellis10

penguin said:


> Dear People,
> 
> You already have a talking penguin here. I may not have a groovy British accent, but I'm still pretty neat!



Aussie accents are much better than British accents... it's undeniable fact


----------



## penguin

CastingPearls said:


> You have an Awesome Aussie accent though.....





CAMellie said:


> Aussie accents are so sexy :smitten:





rellis10 said:


> Aussie accents are much better than British accents... it's undeniable fact



Aww thanks  I can get extra Aussie with it if needed


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> dear e'erbody,
> 
> 
> HHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
> 
> Love,
> 
> Hozay.


Dear Hozay,

I see your "*HHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA*"
and raise you a BWUAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 


Sincerely,
YPP.


----------



## Mathias

Dear Matt,

Try not to be disappointed that both of the girls you asked to the Black and White Gala can't go. At least you had lunch with one of them today. It's not over yet!

-Matt


----------



## WVMountainrear

rellis10 said:


> Aussie accents are much better than British accents... it's undeniable fact





penguin said:


> Aww thanks  I can get extra Aussie with it if needed



Excellent points. I shall, therefore, require both rellis10 British clips and penguin Aussie clips for posting purposes. Let's make it happen, people.


----------



## JenFromOC

Dear V,
Snap out of it. Your drama is overwhelming to me. I don't know anything about you because you're so fucking intimidated by me and won't speak to me....but, please....I wanted to shoot myself last night when you were on the phone with your bf until 0300 sobbing and crying about how he ruined your life. I thought about coming into the living room and reassuring you that life goes on. It gets better. It won't always be this way. But, I decided that the fact that you're unhappy with your life is no one's fault but your own. So, get over it.

Jen

P.S. It makes me sad that your daughter doesn't stand a chance. E and I have to remind you when to change her diaper....that's pretty fucked up.


----------



## lushluv

rellis10 said:


> Oh well I suppose this will have to do. Pack Ben up and send him over... I'll make sure I create the very best habitat for the little fella, complete with plenty of raw fish



Dear rellis10, 

That is one double entendre I am not touching. 

Sincerely,

*#Imnotfallinforthat*


----------



## SMA413

Dear D-
I'm really hoping you don't have to work on Saturday. I've been really excited about going to this wedding with you. I'm also trying to keep my potential crazy in check so I don't scare you off, but it kills me when I don't hear from you for days... but then when we do get together, it pretty much makes me feel like my heart is about to bust out of my chest.
Just had to verbalize this.
Yours,
Samantha

-----

Dear best friend-
Today's conversation is why I love you so damn much. You're the best and I miss you so much now that I moved. Can't wait to see you at the wedding this weekend. 
- Me


----------



## rellis10

lushluv said:


> Dear rellis10,
> 
> That is one double entendre I am not touching.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> *#Imnotfallinforthat*



Dear Lushluv,

I honestly don't know what double entendre you mean 

Yours and hoping I haven't left another clanger in this letter,
Rick


----------



## yoopergirl

Dear Feet,

I'm very sorry, but the snow has officially arrived for the season, so we have to put away the flip-flops & start wearing "real shoes." I'm very sorry, but after yesterday's mini-blizzard/iced toes issues, you know I'm right. And tennis shoes really aren't THAT bad. It'll be okay.

Yoopergirl


----------



## Fat Brian

rellis10 said:


> Oh well I suppose this will have to do. Pack Ben up and send him over... I'll make sure I create the very best habitat for the little fella, complete with plenty of raw fish



I will put him in a jar...with a stick and a leaf...to replicate what he is used too...and I will poke some holes in the lid of the jar...because he is damn sure used to air.


----------



## rellis10

Fat Brian said:


> I will put him in a jar...with a stick and a leaf...to replicate what he is used too...and I will poke some holes in the lid of the jar...because he is damn sure used to air.



Dear Brian,

I think you've mistaken Ben the Penguin for a Stick Insect, unless that jar is absolutely massive... or he's a particularly small Penguin. :happy:

- Rick


----------



## Fat Brian

rellis10 said:


> Dear Brian,
> 
> I think you've mistaken Ben the Penguin for a Stick Insect, unless that jar is absolutely massive... or he's a particularly small Penguin. :happy:
> 
> - Rick



Mitch Hedberg, Smackie the Frog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqmEZFE9OJ4


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Front Door

seriously your timing on banging shut today leaving me outside in nothing but a dress and shoe-less, forgetting for a few minutes that the back door was actually open for a change and making me panic, walk down to a neighbours through the most horrific bindie filled grass was insane. However considering the length of this building and the epic walking I did on Monday, the fact it was only the bindies that hurt is pretty amazing. Thanks for reminding me to anchor you open or at least hide a spare key somewhere so that I have an easy way in. You would think after the chrissy/new year debacle that I would have well and truly learn't my lesson. Reminder noted and hoping you will be better behaved in the future

Sincerely
smarting feet


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Penn St students,

You really suck. Children were molested and you PROTEST the man who could have done something about it being fired? Why didn't you throw a parade for the man sexually assaulting the kids while you're at it?

Supporting a man who brushed a sex scandal under a rug, you should be ashamed of yourselves.


----------



## cinnamitch

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Penn St students,
> 
> You really suck. Children were molested and you PROTEST the man who could have done something about it being fired? Why didn't you throw a parade for the man sexually assaulting the kids while you're at it?
> 
> Supporting a man who brushed a sex scandal under a rug, you should be ashamed of yourselves.



Good God the world is ending Hayes, I actually agree with you. Note this date


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Dear Columbus Police Dept and random hot, British guy visiting from London:

First, to the hot British guy - thank you so much for spending a few hours with me and helping me fend off some odd people and waiting with me for my car to be unlocked and to rescue the very precious cargo inside - my fur kids - Trip and Carla. You spent 3 hours with me, as we were hit up for money constantly and several people who tried to "help" admitted they could break into cars...thanks for staying and help me watch my car. With the keys in the ignition, doors locked and doggies inside. 

Big thanks to the Columbus police dept - who through shift change - no less than 3 officers until the 3rd one had the right tools rescued my doggies!! You were nothing but nice, sweet and even wanted to pet my doggies once they were out. I need to send a nice thank you note to commend the officers who helped us today! I am indebted.


----------



## Linda

Dear Jack Hole,

You do realize that you do not know the history of every person you come into contact with and your rape jokes are not funny at all.

Trying to keep my cool.
Me


----------



## CAMellie

Dearest Familia Perez,

You welcomed me with open arms today and firmly announced that I was now familia. Your warmth and caring eased my nerves and made me so happy I could cry. Tia Yolanda, abuelita Mercedes, cousin Tona, and Mister dad...thank you for being there for Adrian and me. I hope I was able to get it across to you just how wonderful you made me feel. Jonathan, Cecelia, and Luis...thank you for welcoming me into the family. I look forward to being the best sister-in-law that I can be.

Te quero mucho,

Melanie


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Ol' Man Winter-

Get the F*ck out. We aren't ready for you, we don't want you. Go away. 
Thank you. That will be all. 
Terri


----------



## Mathias

Dear Matt,

Stop listening to the sappy love songs and go to bed! They're aren't making your situation any better.

Signed,

-Matt 



Dear competition,

Show me what ya got! 

Feeling pretty damn confident,

-Matt


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Best Friend,

You're not "losing" me to some "Whiny lil bitch" just because I like to hang out with _him_ more because there's no fucking DRAMA with him. Stop hatin', lady, I love you!

Sincerely,
Deathcow.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear me,

Just because you don't wear make-up that often doesn't mean you can ignore the basic rule of washing it all off before going to bed at night. Waking up with stuck-together eyelashes looking like a raccoon is just wrong.

Do better in the future,

Me


----------



## Webmaster

Dear Airlines,

I really don't like you. You have become evil. Between you and the TSA, flying has become a stressful chore. And to make matters worse, it's like pulling teeth getting a straight answer about how much a ticket costs. And can't you see that you're really pissing people off with all those obnoxious fees. I wish you all went bankrupt and stayed that way.

Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear stepmom,

I didn't wake up to your son knocking on my door to tell me you guys left for your appointment? Big surprise, gee, I guess that's why you should just come up your fucking self or even call my cellphone if you wanna be _that_ lazy. 

Sincerely,
Forever-the-bad-guy


----------



## SMA413

Dear postsecret app-
Thank you so much for making me appreciate my parents, sister, and friends. I love every phone call and text that much more.
Humbly,
Samantha

Dear Nic Nac-
I loved FaceTiming with you today. I loved that we both looked schleppy and we able to talk as if we talked every day. 
- Sam


----------



## Twilley

Dear universe,

I need a job. And maybe just one friend out here to keep me from going crazy until I can see my other friends again.


----------



## rellis10

Dear Dude with Rocket Launcher on CoD MW3,

I really do appreciate your style; running around killing everything in sight, armed only with an RPG and your hopes and dreams of one day owning your very own AK47... but if you shoot that darn thing at me from less than 2 feet away one more time, I'm going to hand you your ass on a silver platter. Understood?

Yours Sincerely,
The dude you just blew into a million tiny pieces.


----------



## Mathias

Dear Matt,

The next time you get to level 6 in Survival spec-ops, use the predator drone to take out one of the choppers. You can't take the both out on just guns alone.

Signed,

Modern Warfare 3.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear colleague who I actually like most of the time:

I figure 3 weeks is enough time to allow you to review the 15 page draft of my procedure. Since I can't really begin my end-of-year work until it's approved by the Powers That Be, it's kinda important. It's equally important that you realize the content comes from my 12+ years experience dealing with two companies that had the FDA up their ass with a microscope, I've run two similar departments like this before, so I also sorta know what I'm talking about. I also won't roll out a new program half-assed and expose the company to audit risks.

That being said, when I send you my training slides, please don't act all gobsmacked when the procedure content is news to you. I understand you're a busy person, but some feedback to me BEFORE I GOT IT APPROVED would have been much more beneficial vs. your giving me the Spanish Inquisition and acting like a complete douche canoe, questioning every aspect of my new program. Trust me, I've got this process nailed like a foot to the floor.

Yours sincerely without any additional vituperation,

The hard worker


----------



## Surlysomething

Even when you do everything right nothing is guaranteed.


Trust, like Love, is just an illusion.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Self,

STOP.

Sincerely,
Me.


----------



## The Orange Mage

Dear Things,

Please turn out for the best if you can. 

-M


----------



## JenFromOC

Dear Me,

Make sure this is really what you want...he hasn't been the shining example of a loving and supportive partner over the past couple of months...

Love, Me


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Mini Album

seriously I am loving how you are turning out please do not make me have to bin you after the hours of painting and prepping the pages and having two of the background pages completed and a third in the works just because you wont offer me a soloution to get rid of the icky looking middle seem there has to be a way that will not ruin the look of the mini album

sincerely 

frustrated artist


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear friend,

The next time she leaves you, please do not contact me for moral support. She left you a year ago, and you got divorced. You took her back and a year later, she left you again. Now you've taken her back again and are engaged?! Seriously?! It's your life, whatever, but I don't play well with fickle-emotioned people; therefore, when shit hits the fan again, like everyone knows it will, do not contact me. You won't like what I have to say.

Me


----------



## Linda

Dear Jerk,

I am ashamed to say that I let you keep me from Church today. You make a lot of situations uncomfortable and I don't like being uncomfortable, especially at Chruch. I just want to go and workship. 

I know I could probably just go and stand tall and ignore you but that makes things uncomfortable, especially when the kids will be with me today. 

In some way, I hope my absence today will send you a message loud and clear but I doubt it. 

Please stop being a creep.

Sincerely, Me


----------



## idontspeakespn

I didn't want to post! arg!!


----------



## spacce

Dear usenet,

Don't worry i will never trade you for torrenting..

Signed,
spacce, pirating before there was a internet..


----------



## tinkerbell

Dear Fridge:

I wish you would just fill up with food, because I really dont feel like going shopping. 

Love,
A hungry tinkerbell


----------



## Dromond

Dear Jackie,

Today is the third anniversary of our marriage. In those three years, many things have happened. Good, bad, surprising, depressing, and joyous. Through it all, one thing has remained constant: our love for each other. I'm so glad we are together. You are the brightest star in my sky, my rare gem, my soulmate, and best of all, my wife.

I love you so much,

John


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dromond said:


> Dear Jackie,
> 
> Today is the third anniversary of our marriage. In those three years, many things have happened. Good, bad, surprising, depressing, and joyous. Through it all, one thing has remained constant: our love for each other. I'm so glad we are together. You are the brightest star in my sky, my rare gem, my soulmate, and best of all, my wife.
> 
> I love you so much,
> 
> John


Awwwwwwwww. As sweet and as loving as you are towards each other, I though you'd been married much, much longer. Happy Anniversary to you and Jackie.


----------



## WVMountainrear

Dromond said:


> Dear Jackie,
> 
> Today is the third anniversary of our marriage. In those three years, many things have happened. Good, bad, surprising, depressing, and joyous. Through it all, one thing has remained constant: our love for each other. I'm so glad we are together. You are the brightest star in my sky, my rare gem, my soulmate, and best of all, my wife.
> 
> I love you so much,
> 
> John



Happy Anniversary!! :happy:


----------



## CastingPearls

Dromond said:


> Dear Jackie,
> 
> Today is the third anniversary of our marriage. In those three years, many things have happened. Good, bad, surprising, depressing, and joyous. Through it all, one thing has remained constant: our love for each other. I'm so glad we are together. You are the brightest star in my sky, my rare gem, my soulmate, and best of all, my wife.
> 
> I love you so much,
> 
> John


Happy Anniversary!!!


----------



## HottiMegan

Dromond said:


> Dear Jackie,
> 
> Today is the third anniversary of our marriage. In those three years, many things have happened. Good, bad, surprising, depressing, and joyous. Through it all, one thing has remained constant: our love for each other. I'm so glad we are together. You are the brightest star in my sky, my rare gem, my soulmate, and best of all, my wife.
> 
> I love you so much,
> 
> John



I hope you have a wonderful anniversary and a wonderful upcoming year together


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Dromond said:


> Dear Jackie,
> 
> Today is the third anniversary of our marriage. In those three years, many things have happened. Good, bad, surprising, depressing, and joyous. Through it all, one thing has remained constant: our love for each other. I'm so glad we are together. You are the brightest star in my sky, my rare gem, my soulmate, and best of all, my wife.
> 
> I love you so much,
> 
> John



Happy Anniversary!


----------



## littlefairywren

Dromond said:


> Dear Jackie,
> 
> Today is the third anniversary of our marriage. In those three years, many things have happened. Good, bad, surprising, depressing, and joyous. Through it all, one thing has remained constant: our love for each other. I'm so glad we are together. You are the brightest star in my sky, my rare gem, my soulmate, and best of all, my wife.
> 
> I love you so much,
> 
> John



Gosh, John, that was lovely. Happy Anniversary to you both, and many more to come.


----------



## mimosa

Dear roommate, 

What part of get-the-hell-out-of-my-room don't you understand? You have ignorant speech and your music sucks. Leave the vanilla ice cream at the door and SCRAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:eat1:

Ignoring you, 

Mean Mimosa


----------



## Dromond

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Awwwwwwwww. As sweet and as loving as you are towards each other, I though you'd been married much, much longer. Happy Anniversary to you and Jackie.



Thank you. It sometimes seems like we've been married for many years, and I mean that in a good way. Jackie and I were a perfect fit right from the start.

And a big thank you to everyone who congratulated me here and elsewhere.


----------



## mimosa

Dear You Know Who, 

I admit there is nothing perfect about me. Not even close. But I hope one day you will see that I was truly kind to you in sickness, health, when you were broke as a joke and when you use to have a big fat belly. I never cared about those things. I only cared about you. Even when we broke up, I still did things for you and tried not to be mean to you. I am trying my best to be a good person til the end. (Most days with good success.) Most of all, I want to be a good mom. I hope to reach much higher. I need God's strength. I pray everyday. I am truly sorry for the days that I have failed. I hope one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me. So for now, I have to rely on God's love that covers a multitude of sins. I only wish you the best. Thank you for returning some of my kindness back to me. Blessings to you. 

Mimosa


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Best friend,

Fuckface better not show up while I'm at your house tomorrow. I love you but he makes my skin crawl, still. The other girls didn't even want me do go over just _because_ it's something he would do, "randomly" show up home. If he does it's the last time I'm coming over.

Sincerely,
Nervous Deathcow.

----


Dear DISH Network,

YOU SUCK. 3 months of having a receiver and it starts acting funny and you want to charge us _again_ to ship us a new one that is APPARENTLY FAULTY?

Screw you, if this one doesn't work we're switching or not having TV at all.

Sincerely,
Completely Dissatisfied.


----------



## Bigtigmom

Dear co-workers,

I'm really growing tired of your bi-polar ways. Can we get some kind of a chart set up with which personality is coming to work on which days. I'm not really programmed to be friends with you today and then be hated by you tomorrow only to start the cycle over again the next day. I've had enough of your high school BS to last.... oh let's just says FOREVER!!

Thanks,
Your stable co-worker


----------



## spacce

.


> Dear DISH Network,
> 
> YOU SUCK. 3 months of having a receiver and it starts acting funny and you want to charge us _again_ to ship us a new one that is APPARENTLY FAULTY?
> 
> Screw you, if this one doesn't work we're switching or not having TV at all.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Completely Dissatisfied.



this is why I support pirating.. because its not worth having it.. i wlbill never ever work for a internet company or a cable company unless I am truly desperate, I felt bad ripping off customers..


----------



## spacce

Dear God, Ra, Thor, the flying spaghetti monster, and all other gods that have and are worshiped,

Thank you for giving us life, thank you for breathing in the spark that made us. Instead of fearing you, bowing to you, worshiping you though. I challenge you, strike me down, for I need no god to help with my fear, my weakness is my own ,without you, to conquer.

Sincerely,
Spacce


----------



## Micara

Dear lazy co-workers,

As I don't recall giving birth to any of you, I think it's safe to say that I am not your mama. So please clean up your own goddamn dirty dishes instead of leaving them in the sink for me to do. They may just find their way into the rubbish bin...

And don't leave your leftover food chunks floating in the sink. That is just nasty.

XOXO,
Michele, who has KP duty this week


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Day 1 of 3 from Hell,

I survived round 1....I'll see you for round 2 tonight at 9:30


Signed,

Mr 8 1/2 hours on his feet


----------



## mimosa

Dear New Friend,

I always appreciate an honest and deep conversation. But if you know I am Mexican/American, DO NOT INSULT MY MEXICAN CULTURE, okay? Don't ask stupid things like: Why are all of you illegal and why 20 of us live in a one bedroom apartment. I can only speak for my family. WE are all citizens in my family and we do not all live crowded that way. Yes, I do speak Spanish. If I have something rude to say: I promise to say it in English so you can understand it! If you feel uncomfortable with that, then I am sorry, we can't be friends.

Mexican/Native American that loves people of all cultures.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Patient Zero:

While I applaud your dedication to your work, when you come in with a double eye infection so bad that they're completely swollen up - giving you a mole-like appearance - please stay the FUCK away from work. Between you dabbing at your eye secretions and walking around the building touching every doorknob and desk chair, you made me want to GermX my hands with a sandblaster. If I start having a taste for brains and human flesh, you're the first mo-fo I'm coming after.

I am sure it looks painful, and having had pink-eye in the past I can agree eye infections are bad, but whatever the Hell kind of Discovery Health "Baffling Diseases" thing you are carrying around, carry it right on out the door back to your house.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear irl friends,

Fuck your drama. I refuse to get in the middle of it. Make fun of me if you will, but I get along with everyone despite their inner scuffles. Balls in your court, bitches.

Sincerely,
Sweden.


----------



## spiritangel

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear irl friends,
> 
> Fuck your drama. I refuse to get in the middle of it. Make fun of me if you will, but I get along with everyone despite their inner scuffles. Balls in your court, bitches.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Sweden.



gosh darn it could not rep you for this and you deserve it!! Hugs


----------



## Your Plump Princess

spiritangel said:


> gosh darn it could not rep you for this and you deserve it!! Hugs


Thanks! 

It really irritates me that whenever my friends get into tiffs with eachother, they're all "Oh, Some friend" and It's like "Uh, Sweden bitch. Sweden." [HECK. My friend broke up with her boyfriend of like 3 years, and I still hang out with him, we're cool. ] I really do get along with everyone until they're an asshole to _me_ because I don't think it's any of _my_ business... Nobody get's that! :doh:


----------



## Helen53105

Dear Awkward Fat Girl,

I see you looking at me from across the student lounge every Tuesday and Thursday. You seriously watch me eat my lunch, read the newspaper, and play rummy on my phone. When I look at you, you don't look away. WTF? If you want to be my friend, then stop creepin' and come talk to me. If you want a bite of my sandwich, the answer is no, get your own. If you want to ask me on a date, thanks... but probably not. Just please stop watching me. I promise I'm not that entertaining. 

Thanks, 

Helen


----------



## Deven

Dear Friend,

Teaching is hard, I know. I want to be a teacher. But, if you've gone through 3 schools in 4 years, and quit each time, it's not the kids... it's you. I think you need to find another profession, and I'll stand behind you every step of the way, but please, for the love of Cthulu, find something you actually love and want to do.

Love,
Dev


----------



## SMA413

Dear D-
So after spending the weekend with you out at your new place in the middle of nowhere, I'm pretty sure all I want to do is live out in the country with you and have a bunch of your babies. 

Also, the reason I was so quiet today? It's because if I allowed myself to just say anything and everything that came to mind, I'm pretty sure I'd tell you the aforementioned baby comment. Oh, and also that I'm so completely head over heels, Disney cartoon birds flying around me, fireworks exploding from my chest in love with you and I don't want to scare you off... especially after the conversation in the car about how you don't talk about your feelings.

Just thought you should be aware of that.

- Me

P.S. It doesn't help that you joked earlier that you didn't know how many babies I was planning on having, but you could only fit so many bunk beds in the extra bedroom.


----------



## CastingPearls

SMA413 said:


> Dear D-
> So after spending the weekend with you out at your new place in the middle of nowhere, I'm pretty sure all I want to do is live out in the country with you and have a bunch of your babies.
> 
> Also, the reason I was so quiet today? It's because if I allowed myself to just say anything and everything that came to mind, I'm pretty sure I'd tell you the aforementioned baby comment. Oh, and also that I'm so completely head over heels, Disney cartoon birds flying around me, fireworks exploding from my chest in love with you and I don't want to scare you off... especially after the conversation in the car about how you don't talk about your feelings.
> 
> Just thought you should be aware of that.
> 
> - Me
> 
> P.S. It doesn't help that you joked earlier that you didn't know how many babies I was planning on having, but you could only fit so many bunk beds in the extra bedroom.


That's adorable!!! LOL 

GOOD LUCK!!!!


----------



## Sweet Tooth

Dear brain,

Dreaming scenarios where I'm interacting with a loved one who's no longer here is emotional but weirdly sweet. I still don't like it, but it can be a little gift at times.

Dreaming scenarios where I'm having fun, pleasant, poignant interaction with an ex? So not cool. Don't pull that shit on me anymore. I know it's not real. I know the end of the story, sort of like how everyone knew how Titanic would end before going to see the movie. Don't make me miss them, even while I'm sleeping and even for a moment because, when I wake up I'll be teary and *pissed* at you.

Still steaming,
The rest of the body and soul that gets a say, too.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear black dudes at Tavern In The Square,

Give it up, just because she's fat doesn't mean she's interested in you. Pretty sure that was her boyfriend dancing like an idiot behind her too.

Also:


Dear Tavern In The Square bouncer guy,

The way you gave that Armenian kid the heave-ho was one of the greatest things I've ever seen, 2 more feet and he would have fell over the hydrant AND the curb.


Signed,

An amused T.R.P.


----------



## lushluv

Dear Me,

You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, strong enough. _*Believe it*_ and stop letting fear and insecurity run your life.


----------



## rellis10

Dear Jobcentre,

Please, don't make me call you. I HATE calling you and dealing with your mountain of red tape. Just do it and make both of our lives easier.

Yours pleadingly,
The guy you haven't paid yet.


----------



## mimosa

Dear N, 

If your wife and mistress can't satisfy you, then you have a real problem. So please do not hit on me. I just want to be your friend. You have enough ladies in your life for that. 

M


----------



## WVMountainrear

Dear presumably licensed driver,

Yes, your car is very cool.  In fact, it's so cool that you may want to make extra sure you're operating it using an appropriate amount of care...because I'm pretty sure even the most inept police officer in this town could spot the douchebag in the yellow mustang with out-of-state plates.

Sincerely,
The lady you cut off...(oh, I'm sure I need to be more specific)...
The lady you cut off as you were turning out of the McDonald's parking lot this morning


----------



## rellis10

Dear Woman at jobcentre I don't know the name of,

You were very helpful, far more so than the three people I was on the phone to earlier. If everyone at that god forsaken place was like you it'd be a much less depressing place to visit.

Yours Sincerely,
The person you helped to get paid.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Holidays-I was depressed to know that you are coming, but I am ready to tackle whatever needs to be tackled in order to have a good one. You will not defeat me, yet again.

Dear God-Sometimes I feel as if I don't have a lot to be thankful for--when I get to that point please remind me that I am living in a safe country, have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food to eat and a bed to lay my head in when I am weary. when I dwell on what I don't have that is materialistic, remind me that I have love, creativity, determination and freedom. Please remind me that I have family--both biological and non-biological (friends)--who love me and care about what happens to me. When I feel sorry for myself, please remind me that I live in a country where I have the CHOICE to do what makes me happy. There are some women who do not have that choice. Give me a gentle nudge tomorrow before I eat my Thanksgiving dinner and remind me that there are those who will not be eating such a pleasant meal and that there are children who are dying from hunger in other countries. These things will help me to recall just how blessed I truly am. 

Dear Christmas holiday--You will suck, of this I am sure--but I am determined to make the best of it. I will summon the strength to take care of a sister who is ailing (and recuperating from cancer surgery), I will cook and make sure that her children are well taken care of while she is bed-ridden for the holiday. No worries, I will make a fun and fantastic holiday for her children. I will take heed of what Scrooge says and will, "...Keep Christmas in my heart, always." You will not defeat me.

Dear Centrum- See the above postings--Do you have time to invent a vitamin that will help me to do all these things? Please consider a rush order on that. TYVM!

Terri


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear Bieber hair,

I've lost almost nine pounds since you started frequenting my life. Clearly the whole three or four times a night thing is canceling out the chocolate you keep bringing over.

Kisses,
DP


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear Powers that be...
Please let that house be livable and pass inspection. I really like it and can't wait to see it in person. The kids would love 3/4 of an acre to run around. That guest cottage in the back would be good for when the time comes that we need to care for FIL. I am really hoping it works out! I would be really happy with the house we saw on Saturday but am nervous about the whole pool thing. Just bring us a house we can love and i'd be thrilled. I'd love to be moved in by Xmas 

thankfully,
me


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Diana_Prince245 said:


> Dear Bieber hair,
> 
> I've lost almost nine pounds since you started frequenting my life. Clearly the whole three or four times a night thing is canceling out the chocolate you keep bringing over.
> 
> Kisses,
> DP


Bahahahaha. I think this might be the best post I've seen this year.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

HottiMegan said:


> Dear Powers that be...
> Please let that house be livable and pass inspection. I really like it and can't wait to see it in person. The kids would love 3/4 of an acre to run around. That guest cottage in the back would be good for when the time comes that we need to care for FIL. I am really hoping it works out! I would be really happy with the house we saw on Saturday but am nervous about the whole pool thing. Just bring us a house we can love and i'd be thrilled. I'd love to be moved in by Xmas
> 
> thankfully,
> me



Keeping my fingers crossed for you! :happy:


----------



## Fat Brian

Dear people who own that house we looked at,
Thanks for getting Crystals hopes up with your wonderful bathroom only to jerk us around on our offer and finally take the house off the market because you can't get another loan, maybe you should have looked in to that before putting your house up for sale huh? Expect a flaming bag of poo on your porch within a fortnight.


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Dear heart,

I know that I'm being very reckless with you right now--I'm sorry! I hope that you don't get hurt. 

Love,
Madison


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Dear sir from OkCupid,

You win this round. 

Hozay


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear "friend",

Wow, really? This is the second time one of my ladies has falsely accused me of betrayal. Stop pulling this "You're my friend you can't be her friend" bullshit because I know that's what it's all about, deep down. I guess maybe you shouldn't open your mouth about shit you don't know the truth about all the time, since I honestly didn't say _anything_ to her about what you and your "friend" told me. 

Way. To. Go. 

Sincerely,
Apparently Untrustable, in Wisconsin.


----------



## Linda

Dear Untrustable,

Sometimes taking the high road is a lot bumpier than your other choice. Find solice in the fact that you are secure in your own morality and the fact that you know the truth. You shouldn't have to keep defending yourself. Just keep it real and be you.

Sincerely,
Proud that you keep taking the middle road in these tug-of-war situations.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Perez/Soto Family,

Thank you so very much for making me feel so welcome. Those tears I shed were heartfelt and sincere. Thank you especially to Tia Olga and Tia Emma for the beautiful wedding cake! And the rousing rendition of the Congratulations song made me smile so hard I thought my face would break.

Besos,

Melanie


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Sister

thanks so much for coming to visit, the die cuts will come in very handy indeed and it was nice to have lunch with you. Did you really think I would not feed you? Your shock at my offering to make you a bacon and egg sandwhich was indeed funny. Considering we arranged this with enough time for me to defrost some bacon in the fridge. I truly appreciate your help as now I can actually work on that christmas pressie.

With lots of thanks

your big sister


----------



## mimosa

Dearest Mama

Thanks for an amazing Thanksgiving day! I think it's the best one I have ever had. We are good cooks, aren't we? After you left, I ate some leftovers in bed. 

You are the best Mama in the whole world! No one comes close. You are the love of my life. (Besides my baby boy, of course.) I adore you!:wubu:


Love, 

Big Ol' Mama's girl:wubu:


----------



## penguin

Dear Motivation,

Please come back.

Dear Heat and Headache,

Can both of you please go away? It makes it hard for Motivation to come back.


----------



## lushluv

Dear Ex,

*No.*

Sincerely,

_you should have thought of that before._


----------



## Mathias

Dear Friend,

I had a great time meeting your other friends today. I was really glad I could be there for your moving away breakfast! Glad we'll still be keeping in touch when you move to Texas.

Best of Luck to you and your fiancee!

-Matt

Dear Pottermore,

Get your act together and open already!

-Matt


----------



## Linda

Dear Facebook Friends,

Thank you for all of the Pokes. I am aware that you don't always know when I am having a bad day but they really lift me up. Thank you for thining about me. :wubu:

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## samuraiscott

Linda said:


> Dear Facebook Friends,
> 
> Thank you for all of the Pokes. I am aware that you don't always know when I am having a bad day but they really lift me up. Thank you for thining about me. :wubu:
> 
> Sincerely,
> Me



No Problem!! ~POKE POKE POKE~


----------



## mimosa

Dear Mama, 

On Monday, do not bring anyone over that we refer to as "ex". But please kindly bring Burger King instead. 

Thanks, 

Mimosa


----------



## CleverBomb

Google Maps;

The south end of the Alaskan Way Viaduct is missing. 
Please adjust your database accordingly.

-Rusty


----------



## LillyBBBW

Dear "Soozie"

LOL! You almost made me laugh with your thinly veiled taunts about how you're dating my ex. It was difficult to keep a straight face but I'm so glad I did.  It might surprise you to know that I'm genuinely pleased you two have found each other. I wish to be a fly on the wall at that moment when the insistent sound of his voice asking to fondle another part of your body becomes so irritating that you want to rip out your own stomach and pull it over your f'n head to drown it out. May you both live fappily ever after.

Sincerely,
L


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear stepmom,

I respect your right to feel as you must, but don't take it out on all of us.

Sincerely,
I'll-just-go-hide-in-my-room-now.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Sis-
You will never know what it means to me that you have been so kindhearted to me. I've been feeling lost and alone for a very long time (which is no fault of anyone, but me). You always seem to sense what I am going through and somehow you always come up with the right words to make me not feel so alone. 
We don't always get along, but you always include me in family get-togethers. You don't forget about me when birthdays, holidays and special family times come around. For that I am grateful. I am lucky to know you, I am more blessed to have you in my life. I pray for you everyday. I love you.

Your big sis, Terri


----------



## butch

Dear Universe,

You surprised me today. You helped me see that I'm stronger and more optimistic than I ever gave myself credit for. You reminded me of something that I already knew, though, which is that sometimes my empathy breaks my heart. I hate to know of all the suffering in the world, but I am amazed, as always, that you've given me a path out, and made my life beautiful. I still am thankful every day for all the blessings in my life, even if I'm separated from my love, I have no permanent job, and I'm confused as to where my next passionate commitment will come from (non-relationship wise).

I have very little, and yet I have more non-material riches than I ever thought possible. Still not sure I deserve it all, but I'm grateful and happy all the same (and not about to give it up).

Now, if you could help me get rid of my lingering resentments and smugness, I'd be all set.

Thanks muchly,
B


----------



## The Orange Mage

Dear Tummy,

I know I dumped a huuuge load of chili on your two nights ago, and that I've also been anxious about stuff lately too, but could you please calm down? I'd like to eat. :x

Signed,
M


----------



## spiritangel

Dear John (aka Dad)

I know in your own way you love me, I know you missed a huge chunk of my teenage years and no longer know how to relate to the grown up me. For my own sake I can not keep trying to forge a relationship when it is clear from your actions you simply do not want one. This year I have made a decision it is the last christmas card I am sending into the void. I have said as much in the card. I love you. But you truly do not deserve the title of Father, you haven't for the longest time. Over the years since you left for NZ you seem to have gotten further and further away not just in distance. Now I hear you no longer even contact your own brothers or sisters and only rarely contact your own mother. The hardest part was learning that you were here at the start of the year and did not even bother to contact me let alone spend any time with your one and only child. Yes it hurts but I can not let that rule my life. Nor can I continue to bash my head against the proverbial brick wall time and time again. I know when I do call I get into trouble for not sending fathers day, and birthday cards but honestly when was the last time you acted like my father? or took an interest in my life.

I love you. I forgive you.

Sincerely

the daughter you used to have


----------



## lushluv

_My Dearest and most beautiful Hawaii,_

Please tell me what I must do to come live and your warm calming and peaceful embrace.

_Yours Truly_,

*Shivering Freezing and Restless* in the south of the continuous 48.


----------



## Deven

Dear Ex-Friend,

I used to think you were more intelligent that you proved to be at the end of our friendship. When you couldn't counter me with anything intelligent to say, you pull out the Penn Stater card? Really? I'm not sorry I called Mr. Sparkleface abusive, because, by the standards they use to rate abusers, HE IS.

So, I'm sure you thought you won the argument when I defriended you. That's not true at all. I bowed out before I sunk to your level of pathetic. Enjoy your crappy, barely accredited college. Even with the scandal, Penn State is still better than where you're going.

Love,
Dev


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Lainey,

You just made me giggle like mad! You catch *everything *haha! You're a real peach 

Love, B


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Dear David,

You make me smile and laugh non-stop! I love every moment that I spend with you and look forward to each and every date. My heart almost burst tonight when you told me about a job offer you just got for a teaching position starting next school year back in Indiana and how you didn't know if you would take it because now you have me to think about! :wubu:


<3
Madison


Dear Universe and Great Whatever,

DON'T FUCK THIS UP FOR ME!

xoxo,
Madison


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Squirrels,

You guys are totally psycho but you entertain me whenever I go outside. You certainly didn't let me down on my walk this morning! Thanks for the giggle 

Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear gloomy Sunday afternoon,

I dislike that you make me feel cuddly. I am not some cute sweet fluffy thing, so stop making me feel like one >;O 

Sincerely,
Growling Grumble.


--
Dear Adam,

I can't help but feel that the packers winning streak is your doing, which makes me only miss you more. Each time I neglect to think about you for a while, I feel so bad. I won't ever forget you, I promise.

All my love,
Megan.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear Universe,

I want to thank you for making me so fortunate. I complain a lot as I am not yet living the life I want to live, but the fact remains that I have a roof over my head, a safe place to sleep, food in my tummy, the medication and medical care I need to stay healthy, and friends, family, and four-footed family who love me. I am flabbergasted that over 100 people wished me happy birthday on Facebook today. I think sometimes I forget that I really do touch people's lives... and I am so, so humbled that that is the case. (I'm tearing up now.) I'm not sure that I did anything at all to deserve to be this lucky and to have so many wonderful, caring, kind friends. Thank you, Universe. I won't soon forget this important and humbling lesson I have learned today. 

Here's hoping I can find more opportunities to help others during my 33rd year,

Ginny


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Me-
It's okay to be tired, but not THIS tired. Go to the doctor.
It's okay to feel like you aren't appreciated, but not This unappreciated.
It's okay to feel alone on the holidays but just remember that it's nothing new to you so don't let it consume you. 
Contrary to what someone who "loves" you said today--you are a good person, you are grateful, you are considerate, you have value and you do matter. Taking ALL of your Christmas money and spending it on the aforementioned person and her family instead of yourself was a little stupid, but you are a better person for it. Don't regret it, even when you realize that you could have used that money for something more important than a present for someone who won't even appreciate it in the first place. Just let go. 

Me


----------



## BBWbonnie

Dear pizza hut Australia,

Why oh why are your pizzas so small when back home they are so big...?
Don't lie to me tell me the truth!

love always,

pizza beast!


----------



## KHayes666

Dear New York Times,

Can we not have a repeat of the last 3 weeks? I got better shit to do.

Signed,

Mr. Perfect


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Tim (Holtz of course)

Thank you for the Inspiration, the constant wanting of your poducts, and for being such a creative guru.
This is the first year I have created tags inspired each day by the 12 tags challenge and I am loving it.
Now if only I could get my comments to show  and maybe just maybe fingers crossed win a prize that would make my year)
Not only do you keep me creatively inspired, you also have me drooling over products and ideas from your ranges.

Thank you Mr Holtz without your ranges and inspiration the craft world would be so much more dull and boring.

Sincerely
Avidly in lust with nearly all your products


----------



## Lovelyone

I love his products too! His stuff is inspiring.




spiritangel said:


> Dear Tim (Holtz of course)
> 
> Thank you for the Inspiration, the constant wanting of your poducts, and for being such a creative guru.
> This is the first year I have created tags inspired each day by the 12 tags challenge and I am loving it.
> Now if only I could get my comments to show  and maybe just maybe fingers crossed win a prize that would make my year)
> Not only do you keep me creatively inspired, you also have me drooling over products and ideas from your ranges.
> 
> Thank you Mr Holtz without your ranges and inspiration the craft world would be so much more dull and boring.
> 
> Sincerely
> Avidly in lust with nearly all your products


----------



## AuntHen

Mon Amour,

Tu es très sexy et je veux embrasser tous de ton corps!! 

Bisous et bisous et bisous... :kiss2:

~La Tigresse~


----------



## Amatrix

Dear Hips,

Thanks for the dance. I know working 10 hours today, lifting and moving boxes was tough. It was great to stretch you out, and work on belly dancing... I know how much you enjoy "Polar Bear" by Puscifer so it was my pleasure to have that playing 10 times in a row. You move like jelly, enjoy the new lotion.

Lurve
The Other Bits.:kiss2:

P.S. Thanks for helping mop the floors three times. The sway you have makes mopping easier.


----------



## Lovelyone

S-
I asked for your address in order to send you a Christmas card, dumbass. I didn't intend on sending you a love note, marriage license, or anything that would imply in the least that I have any kind of interest in you other than *friendship*. We've been friends for a long time and I've sent you Christmas cards in the past--funny, you never seemed to mind then. Quite frankly I am bothered and extremely offended by the fact that you hesitated in offering up your new addy. If your new girlfriend has issues with you getting a *Christmas card* from a friend, I think that now would be a good time for you to re-evaluate your relationship with her. Oh, and btw, I think it's quite odd that you are worried about her reading a Christmas card that basically is acceptable to send to just about anyone, but you aren't worried about her seeing the conversations that we've had on line...kind of makes me feel like your dirty little secret and that's not really something that I am interested in. 
Wishing you the best with all that,
Terri


----------



## KHayes666

Dear elbow

Heal soon....I want to be averaging 900 pounds of pressure by February.

Signed,

Ajax


----------



## mimosa

Dear Ex,

I think it's cool that you still can joke with me. It's nice to have a little comedy relief in our situation. I would never call you a "ball swinging bitch".

Well, at least not to your face. 

High-five, 

Mims:happy:


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Tumblr boy, 

Come to me, darling. Come to me. 

Seriously, This has gotten quite out of hand. You don't seem to mind though, perhaps you're in denial of the reality of our situation and distance? 

Sincerely,
Megs.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Inspiration 


COME BACK Please, be inspired and erm less messy and wasteful


Me


----------



## CAMellie

Jan,

I can understand being sick of taking numerous pills every day - I really can - but to decide, on your own, that you weren't going to take a vital drug - necessary for your survival - because "You already take enough damned pills and this one costs too much anyway." is just stupid and selfish.
You claim that you hate having to ask anybody for help and yet that single act of stupidity has forced everyone to put their lives on hold. You put yourself into congestive heart failure, you stubborn bitch! Then, after being told by your doctor at your release - specifically - do NOT try and get around without someone by your side for at least a week after discharge, you ignore the fact that your daughter was just in the very next room, get up, and manage to fall down and shatter your ankle!! Seriously?!?!
So now you've had 2 emergency room admissions, multiple tests and procedures, you're having surgery today to fix your ankle, and you have to go to a convalescent hospital for 6 weeks afterwards - all over a damned $20 co-pay!!! I have seen many instances of your stubbornness - and miserliness for that matter - before...but this is just ridiculous!
I love you, you stubborn, hard-headed old bat! You have been there for me - no matter what - ever since Kerry died. You gripe and moan and complain but I know that I can count on you. I don't want to lose you.

So very, VERY worried,

Melanie


----------



## mimosa

Dear shithead, 

In my mother f----- kitchen it's take it or leave it. No special orders unless I gave birth to you. I kindly offered you a plate of my food. But rejected it saying it was unhealthy. When I didn't slap processed chicken and cheese on a plate, you threw a fit. Then started accusing me of not cooking for you.  Aren't you a piece of work.

Not your bitch, 

Me


----------



## Surlysomething

Dear Saturday,

Thanks for letting me be lazy. I love you.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Hi..fate? It's me, Misty.

You've really blessed my little family this year and for that I'm extremely grateful. However, I know that you like to give joy and then yank it right out from under our nose. 

I'm just asking that you wait until December is done. I just need one Christmas with my husband where he isn't losing his job or worrying because he doesn't have one. If I could buy him anything this Christmas, it would be peace of mind.

Don't punish him because I decided we would have a Christmas..no matter where the chips fell. We need some normal for a while. We have Christmas and then our 2nd anniversary on NYE and I would just like for us to have no worries the next 3 weeks. If you could make that happen, I would be eternally indebted to you.

Merry Christmas!
Misty


----------



## Surlysomething

To the woman at the Chevron this morning.

Thank you. There really are nice people out there.


----------



## penguin

Dear throat,

Stop being sore. Take whatever illness is invading you and get rid of it. DNW.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles:

Thanks for the blister on my finger, really needed that before I started my work week.....ugh

Signed,

Ajax


----------



## SMA413

Dear work-
Thanks for being so phenomenal. I'm starting to really click with my coworkers and I actually sometimes kinda look forward to going to work! Craziness.
Love,
Sam

-----

Dear Dustin-
Can't wait to see you this weekend.  :wubu:
- Me

-----

Dear nursing school friends-
I can't wait to see all you lovely ladies on Thursday night!! I'm so grateful that we have this awesome tradition of getting together every year. I miss y'all and I love that we get to catch up on all the ups and downs. 
- Sam

-----

Dear life-
I know things are a little rocky and uncertain right now, but based on the next few days, I feel like it's going to be on the upswing.
Surprisingly happy lately,
Samantha


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Dear Slum Lord:

Thanks for not notifying me that your property was in foreclosure when I signed my lease. Thank you once again for not letting me know, only having to find out 3rd hand, that the property is now up for Sheriff's Auction on Jan 13th. As I have been through this process once before I realize my furkids and I will be out on our collective asses once the property has changed hands. I'm soooooo screwed as you are well aware that i have no where to go.

Once again, thanks again for this wonderful news!!

You're totally awesome!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Christmas, 
Please come and go quietly. This family has had a rough time of it in the past two years. Mom died, Tracy has cancer, Terri has severe depression, the girls have autism and soon our home will be foreclosed on. AS much as I love you...you depress me. The holiday is hard enough to deal with when you suffer depression, are lonely, and have no money--but for my sister to have breast cancer surgery just before Christmas, that's just not fair. That will put her down and out for the count. All of the pressure for a nice Christmas has been cast upon my shoulders and I do not have the strength (or finances) to deal with it. 

We have a little money for a nice dinner, and the girls might not have too many presents underneath our Charlie Brown Christmas tree, but we are a family and we are together. I guess that's all that matters. 

Just please, pass by quickly and quietly. 
Thanks.

Oh and Karma, thanks for letting my pc crash the other day and making me lose all of my pic and everything from vacation. Much appreciated.


----------



## mimosa

*Dear B

I found the bible you gave me. There was a message from you inside. It was so beautiful, I cried. I still miss you. 

Love, 
N*


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear St. Nick,

Thank you for him, He's made this holiday season so much better, made me a much more positive person than I normally am this time of year.... you have wonderful timing.

Sincerely,
Happy.


----------



## Lovelyone

Hey T.

I had a nice time chatting on the phone last night. You did indeed give me some Christmas cheer by just listening,sharing your thoughts, and making me laugh (which was much needed). I'm not much of a phone person, but that was one time that I didn't mind spending so much time on the phone. 
Signed, The other T.


----------



## Gingembre

Dear K,

Thank you so much for coming with me on thursday and driving me home. You are such a star, you knew i'd need you there before I knew it myself. I hope the brownies go some way to showing my appreciation. And I am SO sorry for throwing up in your car.

Thanks again, i owe you one, no, ten!

L x


----------



## idontspeakespn

Dear UK Border Agency:

Oh my Dear Lord.

What the fuck is wrong with you? How can you think it right to treat people this way simply because YOU have control over their visas? A little clue to you, if I'm in your system as an applicant, that means I'm doing things THE RIGHT WAY, so you don't get to treat me like I'm a pile of shit you've stepped your brand new wing-tips in.

For an Agency that hates immigrants, especially international students, and doesn't want them in the country, you're sure doing a stand-up job on holding me in the UK against my will. 

You are holding me hostage. You've got my passport and refuse to send it back to me, even though it's been way past due back from my student visa application, so I can't travel. 

Seriously, when I get all my documents back and this mess is settled...I will campaign to fry your ass in the media. You've pissed off the wrong bitch. Your treachery knows no bounds, and soon the rest of the public will know it too. 

Sincerely, 

A formally starry-eyed post-grad student turned Joan-of-Arc


----------



## SMA413

Dear work-
Yesterday, I got 2 phone calls and a text asking me to come in. I was enjoying my weekend with my boyfriend who I only get to see every two weeks, so I didn't pick up the extra shift. I was scheduled to work today. I left his house this morning at 4:30 am just to run home, change, and then head to work for today. As soon as I walk into the door at my place, I get a call saying that I'm on call for 7-3. Really?? I could have been asleep with him and his 2 dogs.
Pissed,
Samantha

-----

Dear D-
I don't know how much more I can hold it in. This whole weekend was perfect. I was feeling shitty and hungover on Saturday and yet you called me beautiful all day. Then, when I was feeling better, you made me dinner. Sunday- I loved taking walks around your neighbor's property with all of the dogs and then having Sunday night dinner with them. When we got home, laying on the couch together with the dogs, watching a movie- it was pretty much perfection.

So, like I said, i don't know how much more I can hold it in. I'm going to tell you how in love with you I am. The pressure of keeping it in is driving me crazy. 
- Samantha


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear father,

Please behave for the next three days. Please don't go off on me about being a left-wing, bleeding heart. Please don't say mean things about my mother or my siblings' mothers. Please don't try to feed me steak when you've known for 20 years I hate it.

Also, be good to my brother, because I will unload on you my sister and I's therapy bills if you don't.

Love,

Your eldest daughter, you know, the one in Idaho you call once a quarter.


----------



## mimosa

Dear Diana_Prince245

My friendly advice is to smart him out of his grumpy meanie side!

What I do to make my father behave is to keep his mind on something he likes. I am lucky my dad loves to watch Looney Tunes and Football. So I turn on the TV and give him a delicious snack and drink. It makes our time very pleasant.  (I even impress my Mama!) 

But if you are going to visit him....Take your favorite things...especially snacks,ipod with music, books....get armed with self-love to fight the good fight. 
I will say a prayer for you. Keep your head up, darling! 

Hugs, 

Mimosa





Diana_Prince245 said:


> Dear father,
> 
> Please behave for the next three days. Please don't go off on me about being a left-wing, bleeding heart. Please don't say mean things about my mother or my siblings' mothers. Please don't try to feed me steak when you've known for 20 years I hate it.
> 
> Also, be good to my brother, because I will unload on you my sister and I's therapy bills if you don't.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Your eldest daughter, you know, the one in Idaho you call once a quarter.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear body, 

Stop messing with me. First my knees hurt, then my head aches,I feel exhaustion and want to sleep ALL the time, and now my stomach aches whenever I eat. Can't you just leave me be? 

Aches and pains, It's winter, go hibernate or something.

ME.


----------



## BBWbonnie

Dear mr pizza,

I feel really bad for you but I have to eat too:eat2: Have fun in ma bellies

Lots of love!

Mwah

From the one who ate you


----------



## KHayes666

Dear rest of the world,

There ain't no rest for the wicked
Money don't grow on trees
I got bills to pay
I got mouths to feed
Ain't nothing in this world for free
No I can't slow down
I can't hold back
Though you know I wish I could
No there ain't no rest for the wicked
Until we close our eyes for good


Signed,

Ajax


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Lisa,

The night you slipped into this world, I remember the Christmas tree lights, and the snow falling softly outside and Daddy saying on the phone that he was bringing a Christmas present home for us, a baby sister. And you slipped out of this world as gently as you arrived. I thank God for every moment you were alive and I was privileged to be your sister. Happy third birthday in heaven, Boo.

Love,
E


----------



## LeoGibson

Dear Life,

I have never asked for too much from you. I have pretty much just rolled with the punches and went with the flow, good or bad. But how's about this coming year is the one where we set everything right. Let's make the changes that need making and the things that need be fixed let's get 'em fixed. I really am starting to get a little bit aggravated at the way things have been with you the last few years, so let's fix this before it becomes a major problem huh?

Regards,
RC


----------



## Mishty

Hey Cutie-Patootie,

It's on like Donkey Kong.


-peace-

*M*


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear "heart",

With him it's different this time around, why? You literally let down your walls and allowed him to waltz his [admittedly cute] ass right in! What makes you trust him _*SO*_ much? You're setting yourself up for a huge catastrophic heartbreak, why don't you doubt this one, why aren't you worried? 

Sincerely,
The Brain.


----------



## spiritangel

CastingPearls said:


> Dear Lisa,
> 
> The night you slipped into this world, I remember the Christmas tree lights, and the snow falling softly outside and Daddy saying on the phone that he was bringing a Christmas present home for us, a baby sister. And you slipped out of this world as gently as you arrived. I thank God for every moment you were alive and I was privileged to be your sister. Happy third birthday in heaven, Boo.
> 
> Love,
> E



Happy Birthday Lisa. and big squishy hugs Lainey I love you. 



Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear "heart",
> 
> With him it's different this time around, why? You literally let down your walls and allowed him to waltz his [admittedly cute] ass right in! What makes you trust him _*SO*_ much? You're setting yourself up for a huge catastrophic heartbreak, why don't you doubt this one, why aren't you worried?
> 
> Sincerely,
> The Brain.



because sometimes the heart needs to take the lead and take a leap of faith and Megan if it all crumbles (and I sincerely hope it does not) we will all be here to help you and if it all keeps going so amazingly well we will also be here to cheer you on


----------



## HDANGEL15

*DEAR Microsoft and all other TRACK BALL MAKERS

why in the hell do you always STOP TRACKING....you know you try and spin the wheel thingy and NADA!!!!!

that is all
just get it right and make a track ball that works more then 6 months!!!!!!*


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Stepmom,

How in the hell could you let him say that to you? To kid about making another aneurism blow in your head, is not only inappropriate, but down-right shocking. I'm appalled you smiled and hugged him, as if he'd just said he loved you or something. 

Stop ENABLING him,
Not the parent.

PS: I can't even _bring_ myself to tell dad what he said, but I want you to know I REALLYREALLYFUCKINGWANTEDTO.


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear mini-pill,

We're done. I'd rather be pregnant than deal with your side effects.

Love,

DP


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky

How much longer? I am patient and try to be a good person, but sometimes I just want to scream my frustration and hit something so the pain will stop my worries. What the hell am I supposed to do now? You've shut the door so where is the bloody window?

Love Kimberly

PS Kudos on the weather.


----------



## SMA413

Dear 2012-
You have some pretty steep competition. 2011 was waaaay better than 2010. Let's see if you can top that. 
Love,
Me

-----

Dear employer-
I know I work for a Catholic healthcare system. However, I am not a fan of our prescription coverage... or lack thereof... for my birth control. $60 every month to not have a baby?? Really? I guess I got spoiled by the Methodists because I only had to pay $5 for a 3 month supply with my last job's coverage. 

Oh well... I guess it's a good thing I only see my boyfriend once every three weeks anyways. 

-Samantha


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

SMA413 said:


> Dear 2012-
> You have some pretty steep competition. 2011 was waaaay better than 2010. Let's see if you can top that.
> Love,
> Me
> 
> -----
> 
> Dear employer-
> I know I work for a Catholic healthcare system. However, I am not a fan of our prescription coverage... or lack thereof... for my birth control. $60 every month to not have a baby?? Really? I guess I got spoiled by the Methodists because I only had to pay $5 for a 3 month supply with my last job's coverage.
> 
> Oh well... I guess it's a good thing I only see my boyfriend once every three weeks anyways.
> 
> -Samantha


Are there any free clinics in your area? Many give out birth control for free, and Planned Parenthood will often give it to you for free or at a reduced cost. Just an idea.


----------



## HDANGEL15

DEAR UPS- thanks for being the most technically UNSAVVY people i have ever talked to. Thanks for being so USELESS and UNHELPFUL and did forget to mention RUDE????

I wait all freaking day Tuesday for updates first: it is due to deliver 12/27/11
then....by 4:30, then END OF DAY.......THEN NEXT DAY....FML you suck

now I get to play the entire game again!!!!! 

frustrated? YEAH just a little KMA UPS

very very sincerely an IRATE CUSTOMER

ps HAVE A NICE DAY


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear favorite ex-boyfriend,

I cannot wait to see you in D.C. I miss museum hopping and talking Ingrid Michaelson and other female singer-songwriters with you. Not to mention that it'll be nice to hang with a non-sciencey person after two years of nursing school and hanging out with biochem majors.

Love,

DP


----------



## willowmoon

Dear Dumb-Ass Drivers,

What is so difficult to understand about how to drive when it comes to a entering a roundabout ... you YIELD to the people to the left of you (in other words, the people that are in the circulating traffic). I know ... you're a little preoccupied with your fantasy football league, there's that distracting smell of a partially-eaten two-month old burger from Hardee's that's in a bag on the floor of your backseat mixed in with all the other crap on the floor .... but c'mon people, it's not THAT hard to figure out. 

Warm & fuzzy regards,

Me.


----------



## penguin

Dear back,

Thank you thank you thank you for feeling normal again today. Yesterday you put me through hell, and I'm sorry for whatever it was I did to you to make you hurt so much. Please don't do that again. I do love you, I swear!


----------



## SMA413

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Are there any free clinics in your area? Many give out birth control for free, and Planned Parenthood will often give it to you for free or at a reduced cost. Just an idea.



I'm planning on going to planned parenthood.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear you know who,

You bragged for 4 years about having "the best husband/boyfriend/etc" ever and say you'll die if you and my friend ever break up. Then when you get divorced less than 6 months after getting married, within 3 weeks you're in another relationship with someone literally twice the age of your now ex. Yeah....great loyalty you have.

Oh but karma is a bitch ma copine. The fact your new Old Man River dumped you less than a month after going out with you is sweet music to our ears. What goes around comes around, my friend will be happy to move on with his life with his friends and family by his side while you'll languish alone forevermore burning bridges along the way.

Take a look in the mirror before you start pointing fingers.

Signed,

Faceman


----------



## Sweetie

Dear Barefoot Moscato,

Thank you for your cool, fruity, sweet deliciousness and the lovely feeling that you give me after I drink you.

Love always,
Sweetie


----------



## SMA413

Sweetie said:


> Dear Barefoot Moscato,
> 
> Thank you for your cool, fruity, sweet deliciousness and the lovely feeling that you give me after I drink you.
> 
> Love always,
> Sweetie



That's what I was going to pour myself a glass of tonight when I got home from work and got ready for my NYE party. When I went to uncork it, I lost my grip and dropped it... and it was the BIG bottle, so there was glass and wine everywhere.

I almost cried. I'm glad you got to enjoy it.


----------



## mimosa

Dear -----

I am thinking of confronting you. I wonder if you know about all I have been through. A sick son and the man you are dating married me when I was a teenager. But he still helps me. Yet, you continue to butt into my life. I believe I deserve my break up to be a respectful one. But you are making it very hard. Therefore you are making me very angry. Makes me *feel* like I have the right to put you in your place. Maybe I should just let Karma bite you in the ass.  

You'll get yours...:happy:


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Young Mr. Entitled--

The sooner you realize that people were not put on this good Earth to cater to your every need, the sooner your life will turn around. You are not ENTITLED to use the internet here, to eat the food, use the electricity or water, to have people babysit your children and clean up your messes while you lounge on the couch watching tv or sleep in a bed that does not belong to you for 16 hours straight or to even take a shit in this house--without asking permission. 
Being born did not entitle you to infringe upon other people and take advantage of their kindnesses without giving anything in return. I am not your mother, caterer, beautiful laundress, nor am I your personal babysitter, maid or cook. When someone gives you a blessing like having a roof over your head in the dead of winter for free (and the roof over the heads of your children and wife) you should thank them or perhaps show a bit of appreciation. If only a smidgen of appreciation is all that you can muster...then you should do your best to show it or at the minimal..fake it. You should not quit your job 2 days after moving in here (on a temporary basis) because you think that you are safe. You should not tell them that you are NOT going to help do household chores or look after your OWN children. That will send you packing in a heartbeat.
You should not tell the people who are allowing you and your ENTIRE family to infringe into OUR life...that calling them "Aunt" is a privilege that needs to be earned and not a birthright. I "earned" that respect long ago when I bought your birthday cakes, helped you learn to ride a bike, missed 1/2 of my paid work day and got points on my GOOD work record because your school called and you were sick and needed to be taken home. I earned that title when I took you to the movies for your birthday, paid your way into the amusement park, kissed your boo-boos when you fell, changed your diapers and gave you bubble baths, bought your family groceries when you needed them, paid your rent so that you and your family wouldn't be evicted, bought you school clothes to start out the new school year in when your mom couldn't afford them. I "earned" that title when I went without lunch money for work so that you could have milk and cereal in the morning and when I stood at the department store in the wee small hours of the morning and fought grown men for the boxes that came off of their delivery truck so that YOU would get your favorite matchbox cars for Christmas (when I had to work in the morning). I EARNED the title of AUNT long ago even though I should not have HAD to earn that respect. I allow 4 groups of people to call me by my first name: my sisters, my friends, my bosses and my lovers--all of the people whom I love or matter to me. YOU do not fit into ANY of these categories so in the future I request that you give me the respect that I "EARNED" and call me AUNT TERRI. IF you cannot force yourself to use the proper respect...then you may call me MS. PHILLIPS or do not talk to me at all. 
You've mooched your way through living with 4 different sets of people in less than 3 months and ALL of them asked you to leave or threw you out. You are too stupid to realize that the common denominator in those four oustings...is YOU. You would think that being thrown out of 3 previous houses because you expected entitlement and couldn't shut your damned mouth and show respect to the people who were supporting your family--would teach you something...but alas it did not. Showing disrespect to the people who hold the purse strings will get you booted out into the snow. You will find yourself put out...much like you did yesterday on the worst snow day of the year thus far. Good thing your wife knows how to suck it up and apologize to her mother for disrespecting her, or she and your kids would have had no place to go, just like you. 
Good luck with that big mouth of yours.
Cordially yours,
AUNT TERRI


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Terri-
Feel better now? I love you. You are amazing.
Signed, Aunt Terri


----------



## Mishty

Hello Friends,

You know how lucky I feel being surrounded by your love and kinship? Each and everyone of my crazy little bosom buddies has so many special qualities I feel almost undeserving of all the wonderful affection and attention you guys shower on me. 2012 is gonna be our year!

PARTY ON GARTH!!

<3

Mucho Loves and hugs from your Mama Cass


----------



## KHayes666

Dear patience,

You served me well over the years but I don't need you anymore. 2012 means its payback time.

Signed,

Me


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Regional Transit,

REALLY?!?! You had NO idea that a whole new year was coming up so you could plan accordingly?? People have places to get to, and, unfortunately, we are forced to rely on your services to get there. Some of us have several different places to go and need to use your Trip Planner option to make sure we take the right buses, light rails, and that we get there on time. For some of us - our jobs depend on it.
So why the holy FUCK didn't you update your website for the new year?? You sure the hell were quick enough to give yourselves extra days off when Christmas and New Year fell on a Sunday - whoohoo Mondays off! Yippee! (that was sarcasm btw) Not all of us are so lucky.
My husband has interviews to go to and your idiotic system keeps telling us that it can't provide us with schedule information after 12-31-2011. FUCKING REALLY?!?!?!

I hate you! I hope they get rid of all the hangers-on and useless gum-snapping, talking on the cell phone instead of driving, gossiping with their friends that they let ride for free, attitude having LOSERS! Hire some people that really give a damn and UPDATE YOUR SYSTEM BEFOREHAND!

No love to you AT ALL,
Melanie


----------



## rellis10

Dear Cold,

Stop right there! Go no further!

Yours Sincerely,
The man whose nose you're currently occupying.


----------



## Webmaster

Melanie,

Your post reminded me again of the really sorry situation we have here in the US with regard to most public transportation systems.

This past summer I visited my native Switzerland with my 15-year-old son, and while we had rented a car at the airport, we ended up hardly ever using it at all. The reason is the absolutely incredible public transportation system they have there. 

For starters, public transportation includes any and all modes of public transportation. One and the same ticket gets you access to trams, buses, light rail, river boats, lake boats, and standard rail. You absolutely never have to wait to get anywhere. Inside every mode of transportation, they have computer displays that not only announce every station, but also how long it'll be until you are there, and what connects to where they have from there. At each station, they also have those displays so that you always know, down to the minute, when your tram, bus or whatever will arrive. 

But there's more. They also have a free Android and iPhone app of the entire system that shows you on a map where you are, where the next station is, how far it is, and how long you have to wait til the next one arrives. 

For tickets, you simply get one out of a machine. It's all on the honor system, which no one there would ever abuse. And each and every car is spotless.

As a result, there really is no need for a car. And the system gets you everywhere, quickly, safely, and in comfort.

I don't know if we'll ever get anywhere near that here in the US. Almost a century of urban sprawl has lowered density to an extent where truly useful public transportation is next to impossible.



CAMellie said:


> Dear Regional Transit,
> 
> REALLY?!?! You had NO idea that a whole new year was coming up so you could plan accordingly?? People have places to get to, and, unfortunately, we are forced to rely on your services to get there. Some of us have several different places to go and need to use your Trip Planner option to make sure we take the right buses, light rails, and that we get there on time. For some of us - our jobs depend on it.
> So why the holy FUCK didn't you update your website for the new year?? You sure the hell were quick enough to give yourselves extra days off when Christmas and New Year fell on a Sunday - whoohoo Mondays off! Yippee! (that was sarcasm btw) Not all of us are so lucky.
> My husband has interviews to go to and your idiotic system keeps telling us that it can't provide us with schedule information after 12-31-2011. FUCKING REALLY?!?!?!
> 
> I hate you! I hope they get rid of all the hangers-on and useless gum-snapping, talking on the cell phone instead of driving, gossiping with their friends that they let ride for free, attitude having LOSERS! Hire some people that really give a damn and UPDATE YOUR SYSTEM BEFOREHAND!
> 
> No love to you AT ALL,
> Melanie


----------



## HottiMegan

CAMellie said:


> Dear Regional Transit,
> 
> REALLY?!?! You had NO idea that a whole new year was coming up so you could plan accordingly?? People have places to get to, and, unfortunately, we are forced to rely on your services to get there. Some of us have several different places to go and need to use your Trip Planner option to make sure we take the right buses, light rails, and that we get there on time. For some of us - our jobs depend on it.
> So why the holy FUCK didn't you update your website for the new year?? You sure the hell were quick enough to give yourselves extra days off when Christmas and New Year fell on a Sunday - whoohoo Mondays off! Yippee! (that was sarcasm btw) Not all of us are so lucky.
> My husband has interviews to go to and your idiotic system keeps telling us that it can't provide us with schedule information after 12-31-2011. FUCKING REALLY?!?!?!
> 
> I hate you! I hope they get rid of all the hangers-on and useless gum-snapping, talking on the cell phone instead of driving, gossiping with their friends that they let ride for free, attitude having LOSERS! Hire some people that really give a damn and UPDATE YOUR SYSTEM BEFOREHAND!
> 
> No love to you AT ALL,
> Melanie



That is a major suck. I loath our public transit but i have no choice when hubs has the car. It takes me 2 hours to take a 5ish mile round trip taking Alex to preschool. It's terrible. If he could walk the 2 1/2 miles there and back i would walk.. it would probably be a more pleasant experience.

I hope you guys find a way to get to the interviews and stuff.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Mister Sandman,

Bring me a Dream. 

.. No, Seriously, I'm tired as hell but I can't sleep for longer than an hour or two tops. I need a sweet release to dreamland for longer than that, and I just _know_ I'm going to end up sleeping days away. So hurry up and bring me sleep, I have dogs to watch later this week! >< Eek 

Sincerely,
Energizer Brain.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Nerves

chill out, the application is sent there is absolutely nothing you can do but wait! The worst thing that can happen is you get a no, it is hardly the end of the world there are other applications. So I would appreciate you not driving me crazy the next few days of waiting as I know waiting is the sucky part but it is not like you have to wait that long. Cause if you don't let up its gonna be a hellish couple of months possibly!


Signed

Anxiously Awaiting the Outcome


----------



## rellis10

Dear Best Recruitment,

What kind of business that deals with hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people does not have readily available appointment records? The least I expect is that you'd be able to tell me when my appointment is because YOU forgot to write it on the card. But, because the advisor is away on holiday, you can't get to them because they're ONLY on his computer :doh:

Yours Sincerely,
The guy who has to call you at 9am tomorrow morning when his advisor will actually be there to tell me when my appointment is later that very day.


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear Health Insurance bearers,

This is the extent of my knowledge of your prescription insurance:

I enter your prescription, and bill it to your insurance. Your insurance then sends back the price (your copay) of said prescription. Sometimes they don't cover your drug. Sometimes your copay is based on whether it's brand or generic or tiered. Sometimes it's based on whether it is available in generic, but you prefer brand name. Sometimes the matter in which I bill them changes...as in, the BIN# or ID has changed. That's it. 

My knowledge does not include whether you have a deductible to reach before your copays take hold. We have no database to search every insurance available to find out that information. Generally, your insurance will mail that information out to YOU.

Therefore, do not cop an attitude with ME because I cannot answer why your copay is higher than it was the last time you filled your prescription. Your insurance does not send back a memo to tell us. Talk to your HR, or call the number on the back of your card. 

Thank you,
Just a tech

P.S. Also, we have no idea when the plain Adderall will be available again. We can't get it. We can't get it from our distributor. It's the DEA, not us.


----------



## penguin

Dear Boobs,

I think you're awesome.

Lots of love,
me


----------



## Sweetie

Dear Keurig coffeemaker:

I'm giving you one more chance. One more attempt to get the scale the heck out of you. Then you better work or its the dumpster for you! 

Love,
Linda


----------



## Gingembre

Dear parents,

Wow. I'm so pleased to overhear your real views on my weight/size...if only the amount of liver damage you're doing, by both being fucking alcoholics, was equally visible to the naked eye, Yes, I admit I have issues with food, but its not my fault that your 30yrs-smoking, 20yrs-alcoholic, depressed selves cant see that you may be a contributor to the problem. And in the short term, thanks for making me feel miserable and ergo ruining my night out. Yes the early(ish) night will do me good, but the crying myself to sleep probably won't. I can't wait until I move out.

Lx


----------



## AuntHen

Gingembre said:


> Dear parents,
> 
> Wow. I'm so pleased to overhear your real views on my weight/size...if only the amount of liver damage you're doing, by both being fucking alcoholics, was equally visible to the naked eye, Yes, I admit I have issues with food, but its not my fault that your 30yrs-smoking, 20yrs-alcoholic, depressed selves cant see that you may be a contributor to the problem. And in the short term, thanks for making me feel miserable and ergo ruining my night out. Yes the early(ish) night will do me good, but the crying myself to sleep probably won't. I can't wait until I move out.
> 
> Lx




Dear Laura's parents,

Your daughter is beautiful inside and OUT! Not to be disrespectful but you are blind if you do not see this!

Sincerely,

Me


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

What B said. You are amazing and lovely, Ginge, and i am so sorry your folks are too blind to see that.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear friends,

I love you guys. But I seriously just want an entire day to myself, wish I could tell you without you getting mad at me though. So I guess I'll see you tomorrow, the last day before my family returns.. .

Sincerely,
Enjoying Every Silent Second.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Life-
Thanks for being a little easier today. 

Dear Knees- 
I am so sorry I put you through such a rough time today. I promised to do something for someone and I can't go back on a promise. I promise to go easy on your tomorrow...and I don't break a promise.

Dear Internet peeps-
One of my male friends on FB has informed me that someone (a friend that we have in common) has told him that I am married, have children, and am sad because my husband won't leave me and let me find someone special to be happy with. 
Since the only "friends" I have in common with him are from this particular site...let me assure you that I am not now, nor have I ever been married. I do not have children. While I admit that I am not particularly happy in life these days, it has NOTHING to do with my imaginary husband or my invisible children that someone made up so that they could make an on-line person (who, btw lives too far away from me for anything to happen) disinterested in me. *sigh That was a lot of time wasted on your part for some really stupid shit, Just saying.
Terri


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Gingembre said:


> Dear parents,
> 
> Wow. I'm so pleased to overhear your real views on my weight/size...if only the amount of liver damage you're doing, by both being fucking alcoholics, was equally visible to the naked eye, Yes, I admit I have issues with food, but its not my fault that your 30yrs-smoking, 20yrs-alcoholic, depressed selves cant see that you may be a contributor to the problem. And in the short term, thanks for making me feel miserable and ergo ruining my night out. Yes the early(ish) night will do me good, but the crying myself to sleep probably won't. I can't wait until I move out.
> 
> Lx



Dearest Laura, 

I don't believe what you heard is valid. I think your'e amazing, and want to bang you all night long, metaphorically.

Lovesies, 

Hozay


----------



## danielson123

Gram,

I hope you feel like sleeping in tomorrow.

A very tired and underslept Dan


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Employment Chick


Please actually listen to me when I tell you what I want instead of shooting everything down in flames. Just because you have set ideas about me being stuck in Nowra forever does not mean I will be and that every course I want to do is a waste of time and money. The fact they are online should not even be an issue as online or not I know what qualification I want I just have to figure out how to get it now that I left it to long and my course lapsed and I am sure you will not allow me to re in roll unless I find the money for it myself which is highly unlikely.

Please do not make this difficult tomrrow as I really dont need the added stress from you at present

Signed
A nervous nelly


----------



## Micara

Dear Meth Cookers,

Thanks a lot for making me stand in line at the pharmacy for 30 minutes just to buy some Zyrtec, stuck behind old people in red sweaters with pink crocs who are asking 100 inane questions about their prescriptions and their Medicare Part D! Stupid drug dealers. Why couldn't you just stick to weed?

Allergically yours,
Michele


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear Freddie Mac,

Please accept our offer on the house. I really like it and can see myself never ever moving out of it. We gave you EVERYTHING you asked for so smile and say yes to us!!

with love,
Megan


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Trace-
I know that you are going through a lot. You've been through more terrible things in the past 7 months than most people have to suffer in a lifetime. I know that people who you thought would be helpful, concerned and considerate--have let you down and that's hurt you immensely. I just want you to know that I will be there for you always because I love you and love is unconditional. We can cry together, laugh, make one another madder than anyone else and then make-up within minutes--and then start all over again, but we never fail to let a day pass where we haven't said, "I love you" to one another.

I felt so selfish, aloof and unaware--for bitching to you about the gift thing and not noticing that you were sitting there listening to me and comforting me about such silliness--when you were on the verge of tears and barely holding it together after your appt. with the doctor. You just needed someone to listen and hug you when you were done crying. I can do that. My shoulders are big, soft and comforting...and at your disposal whenever you need them, but I can't promise not to cry with you. I promise to be more attentive to your needs, cos you need that right now. 

Remember when you said that you felt like you were rowing a rowboat down the river with only ONE oar and just spinning in circles? Well, little sister, I don't have an extra oar but I will swim out and get you, row with my hands if I have to...just to make sure that you make it to the shore safely. I am fat, I float...just hold on to me when you need to. 
Love, your big sis, Terri


----------



## Mathias

Dear Rockstar,

Please make another Midnight Club game. I'd prefer if the new one took place in either Miami, Tokyo, Hawaii, or New York. The last one you made was so fantastic that I plan on picking it up tomorrow to replay it.

-Matt


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Dear Universe,

In the last few years I have lost both parents, my job, some very close, decades old relationships, my home, my old dog, gained back a bunch of weight I wanted gone and have watched the economy go in the tank. That's all in the past. During that time period you did send me some white knights and great people along that journey.

So here's my deal..I will work on the part of life I can fix and fix those areas. I have some new friends, and have met some great people. So, I will overlook the heaping piles of dog poo you sent to me (landlord didn't disclose property was in foreclosure when I signed my lease, but, hey I have at least 90 days after the property ownership transfers if the property is bought at sheriff's sale ) for over 3 years and let bygones be bygones. Now, in return you send me a good, long term job that pays well and has benefits, help me find a great new apartment for me and the fur kids, and bring me a great guy (who loves doggies, appreciates me and has no issues with my body as is and gets me) as I need sex soon because toys just aren't cutting it!!! Please and thank you


----------



## Mishty

Sugar Butt,

I know your plate it full, I know we've discussed everything till it feels like we're beating some dead cold My Little Pony with taffy sticks, but babe no matter how much I think and re-think our ordeal..it doesn't add up....maybe everyone is right, we're only hurting one another. My jealously, and your lack of respect for my heart is making me resent you,and you not noticing could very well kill what we have. Whatever it is, it was beautiful, and I don't regret the second chance like I should. I love you so much, and no matter what I decide you will be my best friend forever and ever amen. 

-Wifey

P.S. I'll still be your date for St.Pats


----------



## Lovelyone

C.
I am sorry that I do not know your screen name because I would SO send you a personal thank you for the lovely gifts that you sent to me today. You have no idea how it brightened up an otherwise dreary and drabby day! I do not have a way of showing you my appreciation other than to thank you and to let you know that I will pay it forward in the future. 
Much (and very happy) Thanks!
Terri


----------



## AuntHen

Little Miss Attitude,

You reap what you sow.

Me


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear man child,

Friday nights are about my only night off. If we're gonna date, you should avoid the bars until I can join you!

Love on ya,

DP


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear mom,

please date your food in your fridge
I ate one "Little Smokie" thinking it was more...recent.
Not from fucking new years day. 

Sincerely,
Twisting in sickly pain


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Today

wow have you been a rollercoaster, cant you just let me enjoy the good stuff without throwing in the bad news to, guess another DT application bites the dust bah humbug why do all the same old same old people get these it irritates me I stopped buying the mags cause I got bored of seeing the same thing all the time. At least you gave me the inspiration to work on my Goddess article, and to do some hand doddled fabric for a new bear or two

now your a new day heres hoping this one is more even and less of a rollercoaster

sincerely 

dazed and confused


----------



## thatgirl08

D, 

I cried after I left your house today. I hate that you can't see me through the cloud of hurt and anger and bitterness H left. I'm so so so fucking sorry I am not good enough for you. I would give you everything I have if it'd make any difference. I love you. 

- R


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear D:

Sorry you caught me at a moment last night when everything was laid bare and I was more pissed off at everything than I should have been. I'm glad we were still able talk things through this afternoon.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky

I try not to get my hopes up, and try very very hard to be patient. Why must everything be so hard? He's under so much pressure and I can't help him, and you make me want things I can't have. I'm tired of crying alone in the dark. 

Love Kimberly


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear you,

I can't believe it's been so long since our friendship ended. We were best friends for 8 years as teens and young adults, and I still remember sleepovers at your house in the summer where we'd stay up all night giggling and planning our dream weddings (to boys who didn't exist yet) in your parents' basement. When it ended it was so sudden, and painful, and for whatever reason that's a wound that never really healed for me. I couldn't believe you just decided it was over, and that was all she wrote. I tried sending you cards on your birthday for a few years, with no response. On two occasions over the last ten years I mailed you a heart-felt letter when I had some self-aware moment and wanted to accept blame for things that had gone wrong. Still no response. 

We have so many mutual friends it's impossible for me to avoid you on Facebook without blocking you, something which I will never do, because even a decade later I refuse to believe that door is closed forever.

I want to get involved in that organization we met volunteering for again because I believe in the cause so strongly, but I know I won't be able to avoid seeing you there pretty often as you're making your way up the statewide leadership totem pole. I am not sure I can handle seeing you without bursting into tears. Why are you the one person I have never managed to get over? Why, a decade later, have I not realized in my heart what my head knows -- that if you were truly the friend I thought you were, you wouldn't have ended the friendship over that? Why, with all this being dredged up again by my desire to get involved in volunteering again, do you still have the power to invade my dreams and force me to wake up crying? It's really, really not fair. 

-G


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear boss,

After being hurt and bursting into tears after leaving work, I am now beyond livid that you feel you have the right to tell me, often, that I need to lose weight. I'm not oblivious to the fact that you prefer people to be slender as in all my years working for you, you have made those comments to me. I am very well aware that I am fat. I have been overweight since around the 5th grade...you are not the first to tell me. You are only my boss. You are only allowed to comment on my job performance and nothing more. And my job performance is not inhibited, whatsoever, by my weight. In fact, I run circles around nearly everyone up there. 

I could possibly see if you paid (and that's a 'maybe could see') for my insurance or even half, but you do not offer insurance AT ALL. So, STFU, you arrogant asshole. 

PTFO,
Me


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Do you have an HR Department, Luv2? That's completely unacceptable behavior.


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Do you have an HR Department, Luv2? That's completely unacceptable behavior.



No. Unfortunately, the pharmacy I work for is private-owned, not part of a chain, and he is the owner.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

I would suggest you report him to the Department of Labor... but given how small your workplace is I imagine he'd know and you'd lose your job. That's so horrible. I'm sorry.  I hope you can find a new and better job soon. *hugs*


----------



## Linda

Dear Dear Giant,

Please stop texting back the letter K to every text I send to you in return. 
It is driving me absolutely crazy. I am worth a bit more conversation. This sore throat you've had for over two weeks now should not affect your texting fingers. LOL

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Little Sister,

Happy Birthday!! Enjoy your snow vacation! :happy:

Love,
Me


----------



## Linda

Dear The Other Side,

You can keep trying to hurt me and provoke me into a fight with you but just to let you know, it's not going to happen. Where you both mentally abuse the kids I will not. I will always put them and their well being before my own even if that means smiling and telling you to have a good day. You just can't see what your doing to them but one day you're going to have a rude awakening. I will continue to be the bigger person in this situation and keep you in my prayers. Lord knows you need all that you can get. 

Sincerely,
The Calmer Side


----------



## thatgirl08

D, 

I am never as happy as when I am in your bed, pressed against you, our legs intertwined, your hand brushing my hair back, your voice in my ear whispering "you're so beautiful." And I am never as sad as when I begin to question your intentions. My heart breaks every. single. time. 

- R


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Life, karma, destiny, kismet, journey, circumstance, fate, divine ordinance, journey or whatever wonderful term of endearment you love to call yourself these days--

I am REALLY tired of you handing me my ass on a platter. Seriously, why is it that you see to it to both smile in my face while at the same time you backhanded slap me in it? I am tired of being a giver and everyone drinking from my well until they've run it dry without concern for replenishing it. I am tired of fair-weather friends and family who treat me like I do not matter--unless they need something from me. Can you see to it that this doesn't happen any longer? That would be much appreciated.
I am mentally and physically exhausted from "doing" for others and not receiving acknowledgement or a tiny bit of gratitude. How about you start showing me that it's not all in vain and that I am not struggling to do for others who won't/can't do for themselves? When is it MY turn to be happy, loved, and looked after? I am starting to feel like I did before mom died and I don't really want to visit that place again. 
I understand that sometime in the future when I die there will be Love, acknowledgement, consideration, respect, thoughtfulness...but can I not see it while I am still living? Can you not assure me that all the loneliness, struggling with being poor, sadness, frustration, and misery I have felt are all for a good cause in the end? Please, just a glimpse of hope is all I need, or a tiny bit of stardust fallen from the hand of God to land in mine--just something. I would forever be grateful.
Thank you-
Terri


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear Ms. Thing,

Get your nose out of my s***. And if you really want to know why nobody likes you, ask me. I'll be more than happy to tell you that bragging about your grades and your scholarship and your super awesome NICU job is getting on everybody's last nerve.

Hoping we never have to work together,

DP


----------



## Cleofatra_74

*Dear Body,

Please stop aching, stop coughing & get well already. I have too much work to do to be feeling crappy.

KthaxBi*


----------



## Mishty

S-Oh,

We make wonderful god parents together, and we look amazingly Irish with my freckles and your red hair, even our Grannies said we look like the picture of a good Catholic couple. Remember a few weeks ago when you asked me to cook you potato soup, I know I laughed, but I've changed my mind. I'll make you soup, and we'll watch Ghostbuster's with our little blonde bundle of mutual adoration. 

-Mimi

P.S. And, um, you look amazing in green, and if you don't mind I'm gonna have a little crush on you,secretly, for a while.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Myra H Kraft,

That was for you.

Signed,

The Patriots and their fans


----------



## KHayes666

Luv2BNaughty said:


> No. Unfortunately, the pharmacy I work for is private-owned, not part of a chain, and he is the owner.



I know how you feel. My fiancee had a boss similar to yours only much nastier and it was a private chain so there was nothing she could do. The only silver lining is one month after she was unjustly fired, he was shown the door as well.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear hot dork at the bar,

Thanks for perking up my night since i was sore and couldn't dance. You can feel free to follow me around flirting and buying me Skittles shots all day. Thanks for the shot and putting my beads on for me, too!

Sincerely,
That girl with purple hair that knew whitey can't dance.


----------



## Mathias

Dear Psycho,

You've shown your true colors to me and others tonight. It's one thing to not like someone, but to say that you're glad Joe Paterno is dead and burning in hell is not only cruel but it undermines whatever point you were trying to make. Yes, the situation should have been handled differently but you further invalidated your little temper tantrum by saying all organized sports are a joke.

That's pretty ironic coming from you, the person who's always saying we as a people need to do more to help our fellow man and give more to charities and such. Well, guess what? His sporting program helped many, many people. And I don't appreciate your comment about me "Being unreachable on the issue." Seems like you're the unreachable one since you unfriend people who have different opinions than you do. Glad I beat you to the punch though. Later.

-Matt


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear PBS TV

Thank you for having both _Sense and Sensibility_ AND _Downton Abbey_ on the television last night. My whole afternoon and evening were delightfully wasted watching those lovely programs. It's a lovely way to spend a dreary winter day.

Mother Nature
What in the heck was with that winter lightening last night? Holy smokes that purple/pinkish lightening was pretty but it was LOUD and a little scary. Now it's back to rain and sleet. You fickle old lady...stop changing your mind. I daresay that you will have my utmost gratitude if you start spring early.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear God/ Supreme Being/ Anyone up there who might be listening,

Please take care of Jan/Mom. If it's better for her to not be here any longer because of all the pain and suffering...then ease her suffering and take her away from all of it. But if she's meant to be here for awhile longer...please send some sign. She's the only mom I have left and hanging in limbo hurts SO bad! I don't want her to die...but I don't want her to suffer.

Thank you,

Melanie


----------



## SMA413

Dear D-
We have less than 3 weeks left. I'm not a fan of wasting time.
-Me


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear AT&T,

You suck- nasty, grungy ass.

Turn my damn phone on already. 

That pesky outraged woman that keeps calling you...FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S PHONE!!:doh:


----------



## thatgirl08

D,

Was that a break through or am I just searching for meaning in a hopeless situation? It's just that I've never wanted anything as bad as I want you.

- R


----------



## one2one

Hey there,

I got your e-mail with that impressively long list of over-the-counter medications. And the warning that went with it to avoid ingesting any of them because they contain an ingredient that can cause an increased risk for stroke or seizure, including in children. 

I noticed dexatrim was on the list, and boy did that bring back memories! Like the weeks you spent hounding me when I was twelve to, "Just try it, and see if you like it." Remember that? No, of course you don't. I'm sure you'd tell me you meant well, just like you told me it wouldn't hurt me because you used to take amphetamines in college all the time.

To say I find it ironic would be an understatement. I guess it's some small consolation that at least we've come full-circle on the whole issue of diet pills. 

And by the way, I threw that one you sent me to school with in the trash.


----------



## TexasTrouble

CAMellie said:


> Dear God/ Supreme Being/ Anyone up there who might be listening,
> 
> Please take care of Jan/Mom. If it's better for her to not be here any longer because of all the pain and suffering...then ease her suffering and take her away from all of it. But if she's meant to be here for awhile longer...please send some sign. She's the only mom I have left and hanging in limbo hurts SO bad! I don't want her to die...but I don't want her to suffer.
> 
> Thank you,
> 
> Melanie



I'm sorry to hear about this, Melanie. I hope your letter is answered in the best way (whatever that might be) for your mother and your family. {HUGS}


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Filesharing sites:

Thank you so much for reacting in a completely rational and intelligent manner in the wake of the Megaupload seize. You've promptly shut down all the sharing features your file sharing site supports, including deleting files in my account that were not "illegal." The bill is not even law, it's already dying in committee, and you're reacting like the black ops groups trying to shred everything and kill all parties involved. You nevertheless continued to process my membership renewal on time, so it's good to know your priorities were in the right place. :doh: 

Thanks to Mr. Paypal I've prevented that from happening next month, but it's funny that the email you use to routinely send me updates and affiliate references (read: spam) never received a notice about your internal cease-and-desist. 

Please die in a fire,

A pissed-off user and non-pirate (arrrr)


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear on-line chatters:

We've figured out that when you say "I don't have a phone" it means that you are married/involved and you fear your other half catching you on the phone with us.

We've figured out that if you can only call us at certain hours of the day...you are married/involved.

We've figured out that when you are on-line at certain hours of the day and suddenly log out without explanation at around the time that your spouse/significant other should be home...you are married/involved and said S/O has come home.

We've gotten the clue that when you say, "I am single, but it's complicated" that means that you are still in a relationship in which the other person you are involved with has no clue you want out of.

Dear- we've caught on when you message us or phone us, talk sweet to us for a few minutes and then progress into food chat or ask us what we are wearing...that you most likely have your hand on your tally whacker. Oh and BTW, saying that it's your cat/dog/child making all that noise just doesn't cut it, darlin'.

And to those of you who waste the precious time of someone who is actually serious about looking for a special someone by playing games--you can suck big donkey balls.

So please, stop wasting our time, you losers.


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dearest felines,

Stop breaking dishes. I am a poor, starving nursing student and can't afford to buy more.

Love,

Mom


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear June, 

Please hurry up and happen already, I'm sick of the cold weather and as excited as I am to be with _him_ for 7 weeks, I'm equally excited about going on a road trip there and back! 

Sincerely,
The Purple Haired Princess.


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear powers that be..
Please let us like and get that house tomorrow. I'm getting really bummed with this roller coaster of buying a house. I like that we qualify for a lot more money but i just want this over with. i am tired of getting my hopes up and have them dashed. This sucks. I want my house!! 

Sincerely, 
Me, being very sick of living under this lame management's thumb.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear evil of the universe,

I'm back

Signed,

Me


----------



## willowmoon

Dear Snow,

GTFO.

With all my contempt,

John


----------



## rellis10

Dear tomorrow morning,

Why do you have to arrive so soon?

Yours from the past,
The guy who will be very tired when you get here


----------



## thatgirl08

S,

You're smart, you're capable, you're strong. You can finish classes, get your shit together at work, and make all these tough decisions. I promise. I have faith in you. Keep your head up.

- R


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear baby cat,

Thanks for the cuddles!

DP


----------



## Aust99

Dear kiddies starting grade one tomorrow....

I'm your teacher and I want you to have an amazing year where you learn lots!!! 
Be good and I'll be great....

Looking forward to tomorrow...

Miss K


----------



## NewfieGal

Dear Mother Nature,

I don't know what I have done to you make you mad but PLEASE stop the snow and wind, it makes it hard to drive and I am tired of shoveling, thanks 

Frozen Newfie


----------



## Bigtigmom

Dear F,

I see your message glaring at me, but I've got news for you. I'm not responding to your inquiry for attention. Tomorrow you will seek my attention on behalf of someone else and maybe just maybe I'll make an effort for that person. For whom you seek my attention today does not deserve it. Better luck tomorrow!

K


----------



## KHayes666

Dear anyone in the outside world,

I spent all of last week with a severe sore throat that hurt so bad every time I swallowed. I got virtually no sleep because of working day AND night at 2 different jobs plus my throat hurt so much. This weekend I got into 2 nasty verbal wars that left me emotionally drained and I'm currently operating on 3 1/2 hours of sleep because once again I'm working day and night. So to anyone that has a bone to pick with me today I just have one thing to say

*
GET OFF MY BACK!*

signed,

a frustrated man


----------



## AuntHen

Dear *Love*,

I know I already told you but Happy Birthday again!! :happy:

:kiss2::kiss2::kiss2::kiss2::kiss2:

Je t'aime!

~B~


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear K--I am so happy that we are chatting again. I missed you terribly and I love you dearly. You are the sister I always wished for. 

Dear L. and T.--Thank you for the nice emails about my recent post in the depression thread. They helped.

Dear God--Thank you for the beautiful sunshine and blue sky today. I sincerely needed to see and feel that sun on my face.

Dear Chocolate shake--How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...


----------



## Mishty

Dear J,

I've never been so turned on by simple words and a few nude photos in my life.
You know me,too well. Far too well indeed.


-
M


----------



## Jess87

Dear You,

Your paranoia is becoming concerning. It was bad enough when you thought jury duty was a huge government conspiracy to bring you somewhere and then send you to prison. That was pretty weird, but this is a whole new level. It's becoming less and less amusing as time passes.

Seriously,
Me


----------



## BBWbonnie

My dear Sylvia,

I know you used to love to sleep on my lap and believe me I loved having you there too!
I am very sorry my belly seems to have become rather large in the last few months, so now you are forced to sleep on the pillow.
Sometimes I see you looking longingly at my lap and sometimes I think about not eating so much chocolate...sometimes...
I miss your fat sexy belly and fluffy coat, don't hate my Jigglypuff

Love

Mama x


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Universe

ok seriously it was funny at first, throwing up his pic on one dating site everytime I logged on but seriously two thats just getting beyond reddikulous he doesnt want to talk to me. Why must you torture me this way? honestly I can not blame him after all I was the one who asked him to go slow then chose someone else.

I can see the humour seriously but enough is enough

signed

laughing cow


----------



## CAMellie

America,

Thank you for being such an amazing melting pot where peoples beliefs are accepted and respected.


Glad I don't live anywhere else,

Melanie


----------



## Surlysomething

CAMellie said:


> America,
> 
> Thank you for being such an amazing melting pot where peoples beliefs are accepted and respected.
> 
> 
> Glad I don't live anywhere else,
> 
> Melanie




You're ok with women covering their faces? Really? It's so demeaning.

Wow.


----------



## penguin

Freedom of religion apparently only goes one way.


----------



## supersoup

Surlysomething said:


> You're ok with women covering their faces? Really? It's so demeaning.
> 
> Wow.



I'm hoping most people are ok with women having religious frigging freedom. 

GOSH.


----------



## Surlysomething

supersoup said:


> I'm hoping most people are ok with women having religious frigging freedom.
> 
> GOSH.




No, not for something like that. These are the same people that ok honour killings and degrade women on a daily basis.


----------



## Surlysomething

Unbelievable.

Women being ok with this. AMAZING.

I guess it shouldn't surprise me, being Dims and all.


----------



## Mathias

Surlysomething said:


> No, not for something like that. These are the same people that ok honour killings and degrade women on a daily basis.



Sweeping generalizations much? :doh:


----------



## Ash

Surlysomething said:


> No, not for something like that. These are the same people that ok honour killings and degrade women on a daily basis.



You realize that not all people who practice Islam are terrorists or woman-beaters, right? Because you're painting an entire religion with a very broad brush based on a very small and radical subgroup's actions.


----------



## Surlysomething

Mathias said:


> Sweeping generalizations much? :doh:



No, it's pretty much true.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

I'm also OK with Jewish men wearing the yarmulke, because, you know, what people wear as part of their own religious practices is none of my business. 

I think this image is pretty appropriate:


----------



## Surlysomething

Ashley said:


> You realize that not all people who practice Islam are terrorists or woman-beaters, right? Because you're painting an entire religion with a very broad brush based on a very small and radical subgroup's actions.




I didn't say anything about being terrorists. Haha.

Here comes the dog-pile. LOVE IT.


----------



## supersoup

What if you wear a lowcut shirt and skirt? THAT OFFENDS THEM. Mind your business, they mind theirs, and everyone can go on doing what they have the freedom to do.

And Dims is amazing. I met my best friends and my boyfriend here. I LOOOOOVE IT.


----------



## Surlysomething

FUCKING AMAZING.

Hahahahahahaha.


----------



## Surlysomething

supersoup said:


> What if you wear a lowcut shirt and skirt? THAT OFFENDS THEM. Mind your business, they mind theirs, and everyone can go on doing what they have the freedom to do.
> 
> And Dims is amazing. I met my best friends and my boyfriend here. I LOOOOOVE IT.




Blah blah, we all know it's Fatopia for some of you.


----------



## AuntHen

Surlysomething said:


> Unbelievable.
> 
> Women being ok with this. AMAZING.
> 
> I guess it shouldn't surprise me, being Dims and all.




There are many religious beliefs where women are in a submissive role. They have the right to believe and act according to that belief.

Amish, Jehovah Witness, Muslim, certain sects of Judaism, etc


----------



## supersoup

Dogpile?

It's just people using freedom of speech expressing an opposing opinion to yours.

Freely.


----------



## Surlysomething

It's so amazing how much you all live in your USA bubble.

Pretty pathetic when it comes to human rights and what people fight for. 


Carry on. I should have known better.


----------



## supersoup

Surlysomething said:


> Blah blah, we all know it's Fatopia for some of you.




fuck yes it is. you should visit it sometime, it's amazing.


----------



## supersoup

I was hoping I'd get permission to carry on, I was nearly in tears.


----------



## Ash

Every time you're wrong and people call you on it, you do this whole "OH THAT'S SO FUNNY/ OMG DOG PILE" thing. 

Actually, you're right. It is pretty funny. LOL.


----------



## Mathias

Never mind...


----------



## Surlysomething

Ashley said:


> Every time you're wrong and people call you on it, you do this whole "OH THAT'S SO FUNNY/ OMG DOG PILE" thing.
> 
> Actually, you're right. It is pretty funny. LOL.




Because that's what your group of Fatopia people do. It's so common you can almost predict it. Haha.


----------



## Surlysomething

supersoup said:


> fuck yes it is. you should visit it sometime, it's amazing.




6 million cupcakes for everyone.


----------



## supersoup

You're pretty predictable yourself. Hahaha.


----------



## Ash

Surlysomething said:


> Because that's what your group of Fatopia people do. It's so common you can almost predict it. Haha.



Call people out for being wrong? Yeah, I'm pretty happy with that being a common occurrence.


----------



## supersoup

Surlysomething said:


> 6 million cupcakes for everyone.



We generally stick to rounded dozens when we party.


----------



## Surlysomething

Ashley said:


> Call people out for being wrong? Yeah, I'm pretty happy with that being a common occurrence.



You know what? You don't have a lock on the opinions of this community. There are a lot of people that don't care for entitled attitudes.

My opinion is mine, yours is yours. Let's leave it at that.


----------



## Mathias

Dear J,

Thanks for the Street Fighter 4 Tips. I'm totally destroying everyone online now! 

-M

Dear Chocolate Twinkies,

I love you. Where have you been hiding all my life? 

-M


----------



## supersoup

Surlysomething said:


> You know what? You don't have a lock on the opinions of this community. There are a lot of people that don't care for entitled attitudes.
> 
> My opinion is mine, yours is yours. Let's leave it at that.



And that's all this was, an opinion exchange, why are you so defensive?


----------



## Surlysomething

supersoup said:


> And that's all this was, an opinion exchange, why are you so defensive?



I didn't direct that at you. Why are you speaking on everyone's behalf now?


----------



## rellis10

Annnnd returning to something actually relevant to this thread....

Dear someone with many millions of your chosen valuable currancy,

Get in touch with Joss Whedon and pay him to make some more episodes of Firefly! Or at least make something just as good.

Yours sincerely,
The guy rewatching Firefly again because it's that awesome.


----------



## supersoup

Surlysomething said:


> I didn't direct that at you. Why are you speaking on everyone's behalf now?



Because I have an opinion, and I'm going to let it be known. JUST LIKE YOU.


----------



## Ash

Surlysomething said:


> I didn't direct that at you. Why are you speaking on everyone's behalf now?



Ok. Why are you being so defensive? 

It is my opinion that you are wrong.


----------



## supersoup

rellis10 said:


> Annnnd returning to something actually relevant to this thread....
> 
> Dear someone with many millions of your chosen valuable currancy,
> 
> Get in touch with Joss Whedon and pay him to make some more episodes of Firefly! Or at least make something just as good.
> 
> Yours sincerely,
> The guy rewatching Firefly again because it's that awesome.



AGREEEEE!!


----------



## Surlysomething

Ashley said:


> Ok. Why are you being so defensive?
> 
> It is my opinion that you are wrong.



And it's my opinion that your are wrong.

Stale-mate.


----------



## CAMellie

Surlysomething said:


> You're ok with women covering their faces? Really? It's so demeaning.
> 
> Wow.



I'm ok with people practicing their personal and/or religious beliefs. It doesn't matter if it's demeaning to YOU or anyone else that doesn't wear a burqa. In my opinion, it only matters to those who DO wear them. 
You're acting like them wearing a burqa is a personal slap in the face. Did they walk up to you and hiss at you and tell you that what YOU'RE wearing is offensive to them? Live and let live.


----------



## penguin

Surlysomething said:


> You know what? You don't have a lock on the opinions of this community. There are a lot of people that don't care for entitled attitudes.
> 
> My opinion is mine, yours is yours. Let's leave it at that.



Hypocrite much? I guess you've never spoken to or read interviews with the women who choose to wear them, because a lot of them find freedom in it. It's not about oppression to them, but freedom. 

For someone so against oppression, you sure do want to do an awful lot of it.


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Okay...I do believe that what I am going to add is - should be in hyde park....and I'm not trying to stir the pot - I'm just late..but..honestly..

Ayaan Hirsi Ali has written on this topic and has shared her story - she has spoken out against women wearing the burka as it is a symbol of female oppression (sexual, socially and education). She lays out in "The Caged Virgin: An Emancipation Proclamation for Women and Islam" that many western liberals try to support the wearing of the burka in a valiant effort to show they support freedom of religion, but, we do not truly comprehend what we are supporting and are causing more harm than good.

She has shared her story of female castration, her story of being smuggled out Saudi Arabia, where honor killings (like the horrible story out of Canada where the father, mother and son killed his other wife and 3 daughters) are still occurring legally. She tells the sad story of how her friend, Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh, was brutally murdered in broad daylight while riding his bike to work by a Muslim extremist for questioning Islamic beliefs. 

After publicly denouncing Islam, calling for an enlightenment (her argument is that major religions have all grown due to the questioning - however, if you dare question Islamic beliefs - you can be murdered.), the public death threats - she does not travel anywhere without body guards - even when staying in the US. 

Sorry it is long. I do not paint one person as being representative of an entire group of people. However, more and more people inside the Islamic faith are saying what Ali has said...and after reading her I had a far greater understanding of what the burka represents. Countries such as France are banning the wearing of this in public and Ali and others support these efforts.

I do believe this is a far more complex issue than just rights of a religion. In one sense it is the woman's right to cover her face and body if she chooses, however, the reality is becoming clearer that she has no real choice. From how she is raised, to the female castration at the hand of her mother to the systematic oppression of women in some Islamic countries - such as denying an education to women...so, to many the burka is not a symbol of religious freedom, but, of the still on-going oppression of women.

Sorry to rattle on and on - it will probably be removed and deleted.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.


----------



## Surlysomething

penguin said:


> Hypocrite much? I guess you've never spoken to or read interviews with the women who choose to wear them, because a lot of them find freedom in it. It's not about oppression to them, but freedom.
> 
> For someone so against oppression, you sure do want to do an awful lot of it.




Why the personal attack? I didn't personally attack you at all.

I get my back up with you all because that's really the only way you know how to reply to so many people on here. You attack.

I don't comment on most things you say because I don't agree. It's easier that way.


----------



## Surlysomething

PunkyGurly74 said:


> so, to many the burka is not a symbol of religious freedom, but, of the still on-going oppression of women.



That.

Thank you.


----------



## Ash

PunkyGurly74 said:


> Okay...I do believe that what I am going to add is - should be in hyde park....and I'm not trying to stir the pot - I'm just late..but..honestly..
> 
> Ayaan Hirsi Ali has written on this topic and has shared her story - she has spoken out against women wearing the burka as it is a symbol of female oppression (sexual, socially and education). She lays out in "The Caged Virgin: An Emancipation Proclamation for Women and Islam" that many western liberals try to support the wearing of the burka in a valiant effort to show they support freedom of religion, but, we do not truly comprehend what we are supporting and are causing more harm than good.
> 
> She has shared her story of female castration, her story of being smuggled out Saudi Arabia, where honor killings (like the horrible story out of Canada where the father, mother and son killed his other wife and 3 daughters) are still occurring legally. She tells the sad story of how her friend, Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh, was brutally murdered in broad daylight while riding his bike to work by a Muslim extremist for questioning Islamic beliefs.
> 
> After publicly denouncing Islam, calling for an enlightenment (her argument is that major religions have all grown due to the questioning - however, if you dare question Islamic beliefs - you can be murdered.), the public death threats - she does not travel anywhere without body guards - even when staying in the US.
> 
> Sorry it is long. I do not paint one person as being representative of an entire group of people. However, more and more people inside the Islamic faith are saying what Ali has said...and after reading her I had a far greater understanding of what the burka represents. Countries such as France are banning the wearing of this in public and Ali and others support these efforts.
> 
> I do believe this is a far more complex issue than just rights of a religion. In one sense it is the woman's right to cover her face and body if she chooses, however, the reality is becoming clearer that she has no real choice. From how she is raised, to the female castration at the hand of her mother to the systematic oppression of women in some Islamic countries - such as denying an education to women...so, to many the burka is not a symbol of religious freedom, but, of the still on-going oppression of women.
> 
> Sorry to rattle on and on - it will probably be removed and deleted.
> 
> Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.



I understand the controversy. My issue is that it's not for us to decide who has been oppressed versus who is just practicing her own beliefs. Women wearing burkas on the street have every right to do so.


----------



## willowmoon

Hoping to get this thread back where it belongs ....

Dear Unseasonably Warm(er) Weather,

Please stick around here in Wisconsin for a LITTLE bit longer ok? You don't show up enough as it is and I really treasure the moments we do have together.

WillowMoon


----------



## Surlysomething

willowmoon said:


> Hoping to get this thread back where it belongs



I didn't realize the thread was missing.


----------



## willowmoon

Surlysomething said:


> I didn't realize the thread was missing.



Well, not exactly missing ... but it does seem to be going in a direction which I'm guessing is not what it was originally intended for. It just seems to be getting a bit of a Hyde Park slant and I think this sort of topic and ongoing debate should go there. I don't have an issue with some controversy and debate (that's usually a good thing) but there's an appropriate place for everything, and I don't think this thread is the place. I just feel that this topic would be best served over there, not here, that's all.


----------



## Lovelyone

willowmoon said:


> Well, not exactly missing ... but it does seem to be going in a direction which I'm guessing is not what it was originally intended for. It just seems to be getting a bit of a Hyde Park slant and I think this sort of topic and ongoing debate should go there. I don't have an issue with some controversy and debate (that's usually a good thing) but there's an appropriate place for everything, and I don't think this thread is the place. I just feel that this topic would be best served over there, not here, that's all.



EXACTLY THIS! Our lovely letters thread has lost it's luster and needs to go baco to being a letters to people and such thread.

Dear Nurah- I know that sticky things like jelly gross you out. The fact that you put that aside and made toast and jelly for me made it taste especially yummy.
Signed Your loveable Aunt Terri


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear 30 Seconds To Mars,

I am absolutely in love with your, 'This Is War' cd..and I'm sorry for waiting so long to finally get it. 

Fellow Echelon,
Me


----------



## penguin

Dear Monday morning,

You can't keep me down today.


----------



## Surlysomething

"Choice is an illusion when it arises out of doctrine, socialization and thousands of years of misogyny, control and oppression."


----------



## supersoup

Dear y'all,

Do you have a favourite-sounding word? My top-five are "ointment," "bumblebee," "Vladivostok," "banana," and "testicle."

Soup


----------



## Proner

Dear Snow,

Well it's been nice to have you this week-end but now what would be nice is to slowly melt. You made me fall on my bum you had enough fun and I admit it was good way to get rid of stress so let's say goodbye before you'll have to deal with librarian devil stare 

White Bum Proner


----------



## Surlysomething

supersoup said:


> Dear y'all,
> 
> Do you have a favourite-sounding word? My top-five are "ointment," "bumblebee," "Vladivostok," "banana," and "testicle."
> 
> Soup


 
L'abattoir


----------



## thatgirl08

D, 

Being with you is an emotional roller coaster. My highs have never been higher, but the lows might just kill me. Laying in bed with you Saturday morning, looking into your eyes, I have never felt so fiercely in love with someone. Your words, our plans, they meant so much. Laying down for bed Sunday, our cheeks caked with salty tears, I realized we might not make it. My fears, your past, it might just ruin it. It's a struggle but you are so worth it.. I would live a thousand lives like this if it meant I got to see you smile, and laugh, and make that silly face when you tickle me. My heart aches for you every moment we're apart. I'm so much more in love with you than I thought was even possible and I fall in love with you more and more everyday.

- R


----------



## CleverBomb

Whoever installed the front door knob;

You almost would have had to work at getting it that far out of whack.
The right way is to do it is pretty much self-evident when you look at the parts. 

It's fixed now.

-Rusty


----------



## Weirdo890

Dear Maya (the software),

You're a damn complicated nuisance that takes up too much time to work with. You make me realize how much I'd rather be drawing.

Love,
Eric


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Dear Sir or Madam:

Congratulations on your random selection to participate in an “Empathy Promotion Experiment.” We here at the Institute for Gender Harmony have put together a program aimed at informing heterosexuals of what intercourse is like from the perspective of the opposite sex.

You should have already received the supplies needed for this experiment.

*If you are male:*

Enclosed with this letter, you will find one die and a roulette wheel. Within the next few days, you will receive an offer from a female participant in our study to play a game. 
The game goes thusly:
The female will meet you at a private location of your mutual choice, where the game will take place.

First, you will roll the die.

If you roll a 6, the female will provide you with three orgasms and a sandwich as she tells you how wonderful and precious you are.

If you roll a 5, you will be provided with one decent orgasm.

However, if you roll a 3 or 4, you will be forced to stare at the ceiling for an hour as the female sits on top of you and masturbates with no concern for your pleasure. You may try to escape, but your female counterpart has been instructed to get very angry and offended if you do.

If you roll a 1 or a 2, in addition to being forced to stare off as your female counterpart obliviously brings herself to orgasm, she will swiftly kick you in the genitals beforehand, causing you to spend the entire time in extreme amounts of pain. You will not be allowed to leave under any circumstance.

Next, you will spin the wheel.

If the ball lands on a number randomly selected based on the time of the month, you will be punched repeatedly in the stomach over the course of several months, then forced to pass a kidney stone the size of a baseball. For the next two decades, you will be forced to raise it as your own flesh and blood, guarding it with your life, investing thousands of dollars of your own money into its care, and eventually paying for its college education, should we decide you must. It is entirely up to the female’s discretion whether or not she helps you with this process, as she is free to run away to play the game with other males as many times as she likes.

It is (usually) optional as to whether or not you play the game, but our female participants have been instructed to repeat the offers incessantly via phone, email, social networking, anonymous notes, message boards, dating sites, online games, personal solicitation, and catcalls, until you finally break down and agree to it.

*If you are female:*

You have probably noticed that at some point over the last week while you were asleep, an employee for our institute broke into your home and surgically grafted a pair of headphones to your ears.

As soon as the experiment begins, they will begin to play an infinitely looping version of Yoko Ono’s “Voice Piece for Soprano and Wish Tree” at excessively high volumes.

Federal laws require us to warn you that your headphones are equipped with sensors that detect the presence of males you find attractive and increase the “music’s” volume in proportion to your closeness to them, until it's reached such deafening levels that it blocks out all rational thought. In other words, if you spend too long in the presence of a handsome man, you will soon hear, feel, and think of nothing but Ono’s hideous ululating.

You may use your right hand to temporarily lower the volume, but there is only way to get it to fully stop, and that is to convince a man to play the game.

It matters not what his results are. Upon proof that you have successfully convinced a man to play the game with you, your headphones will be silenced for exactly one day, after which they will slowly fade back to their normal volume over the course of a week.

You are allowed to use any means necessary to accomplish this. We do not care if you pay a man to play the game with you, but local law enforcement has been told to arrest you if you are caught doing this.

Forcing a man to play the game with you is an even more severe crime, punishable by several decades in prison and the permanent ruining of your life and reputation.

The experiment begins immediately, and lasts for the rest of your life. Participation is mandatory. If you have any complaints, feel free to pass them on to the god of your choice.

Have fun.


The Institute for Gender Harmony


----------



## CAMellie

That Guy You Met Once,
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *deep breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Thanks for the laugh,

Melanie


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Any time. People on the other forum I posted it on (TvTropes) seemed to love it too, so I'm wondering if I should try to find a humor website to submit it to or something.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Best Friend, 

Please at least call the wedding off. He's a DICK. 

Sincerely,
Deathcow.


----------



## Mathias

Dear random blogger,

If you're going to trash talk my Alma Mater based off of one Psychic Night and condemn the entire student body to Hell because of that, at least get your facts right and don't misquote our newspaper.

Sincerely,

-Mr. Cabrini


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Dear Pot-stirrer,

I appreciate you poking the tiger in the cage, I totally get it. He cannot see he brings it upon himself. However, he is so ridiculous and has such a persecution complex he thinks it is me asking him the questions on Formspring.

So, even though I appreciate it...you don't bare the brunt of him posting your personal information all over the internet and trying to make shitty comments about your very personal issues - because he has no concern or care for anyone but himself. He lacks compassion and basic empathy. Or nor do you have to experience the lovely joy of him telling you to kill yourself (repeatedly) or threatening to kill you (by coming to my house and shooting me - and then saying he might have a car to do that). He thinks threatening people like this is a freedom of speech. Or by him calling me fat a million times....because honestly, he hates fat women..and finds them disgusting and just wants to watch us "eat ourselves to death" and he can't look away because "it is like watching a train wreck". 

So...whoever you are..just tell him - please??? Or something. Because I'm so tired of being pummeled by his drivel.

I would be forever grateful...

hugs and bunnies,

Punky!


----------



## spiritangel

supersoup said:


> Dear y'all,
> 
> Do you have a favourite-sounding word? My top-five are "ointment," "bumblebee," "Vladivostok," "banana," and "testicle."
> 
> Soup



Quixotic my all time favourite word since I discovered Oscar Wildes the Importance of being earnest at 17 when helping a friend learn his lines


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Best Friend,

I love you and this is hard for me to say, but it needs to be said;

You work two jobs, you clean up his fucking mess, you feed his fucking dogs, you buy their god damn beef hearts, you take care of your cats, you put gas in your tank AND his, you worry about the bills and the rent.. 

Where does his unemployment go?
What does he do with his money? 

I.. I.. I'm completely disappointed in you because of your possible pregnancy. I'm PISSED at him for it, because you two are a toxic match and NEITHER OF YOU want to admit it but I _know_ YOU'RE at least starting to see the incompatibility. I mean, you THREW stuff at him during your last argument and stayed the night at my house! He called you STUPID, told you to Get the fuck out OF YOUR OWN APARTMENT.. Is that _really_ the surroundings and stuff you want for your child? 

.. Babe I've watched us grow up and it hurts me _so_ much that you're allowing yourself to be treated like that by him and that you're settling. You deserve SO much better, you do! But for some sick sad reason you keep putting yourself through hell like you feel you deserve some kind of pain, but honey you deserve happiness just like the rest of us! I cry for you, and I'm still desperately trying to find a way I can make you see it for what it really is.. . 

I have to get this off my chest because when I got the news about your possibly being knocked up? I wound up an undignified sobbing shaking mess on the couch. I'm honestly kind of scared for you..


Trying hard to not let you ruin your life,
Death Cow.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear self

41 days without it and your pants are now beginning to fall down. Its working, keep it up


----------



## Gingembre

Dear G,

A Fine Frenzy say it better than I ever could:

"Your fingertips across my skin,
A palm tree swaying in the wind,
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies,
The sweetest sadness in your eyes,
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy,
I thought you'd want the same for me.

Goodbye, my almost lover,
Goodbye, my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you,
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance,
My back is turned on you,
Should have known you'd bring me heartache,
Almost lovers always do.

We walked along a crowded street,
You took my hand and danced with me,
Images

And when you left, you kissed my lips,
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

Well, I never want to see you unhappy,
I thought you'd want the same for me.

Goodbye, my almost lover,
Goodbye, my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you,
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance,
My back is turned on you,
Should have known you'd bring me heartache,
Almost lovers always do.

I cannot go to the ocean,
I cannot drive the streets at night,
I cannot wake up in the morning,
Without you on my mind.
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine.
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out 
Of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover,
Goodbye, my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you,
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance,
My back is turned on you,
Should have known you'd bring me heartache,
Almost lovers always do."

- Princess x


----------



## thatgirl08

Dear roomie, 

You PROMISED me you would have some of the apartment cleaned for me when I got home.. you promised me because you know that I do most of the cleaning, and that I was running out of time before tomorrow and I want it to be clean for when my boy comes over. Then, I come home, 10 at night and what do I see? The same fucking mess from before, plus Chinese food containers and dirty dishes all over the living room and you and your stupid fucking boyfriend laying on the couch watching a movie. REALLY? I am the one who cleans every week.. I cleaned up the massive mess you made in the kitchen two nights in a row, and you can't even put a few glasses in the sink and mop the floor and maybe do a little dusting? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? Glad to know I can count on you. I can't wait to move away from you in a couple months. Living with you is seriously HELL ON EARTH. 

- R


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Fish and Chip shop guy

thanks for engaging in idele chit chat with me while I waited for my taxi. Talking about such stuff as bio diesel and what not.
It is appreciated


sincerely

wondering where all the places to sit outside the shops went


----------



## CleverBomb

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear AT&T,
> 
> You suck- nasty, grungy ass.
> 
> Turn my damn phone on already.
> 
> That pesky outraged woman that keeps calling you...FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S PHONE!!:doh:


The calls are coming from INSIDE THE LOCAL OFFICE!
{fx: Wilhelm Scream}

-Rusty


----------



## Deven

Dear Ex's Ex,

You are so ungrateful. His family took you in, and when you two broke up, they still allowed you to live there! You've been living with them for 3 years, and you've only held a job ONCE the entire time you were there. ONCE. Are you even trying to look for a job? I doubt it, since you just dyed your hair PURPLE in a conservative, Mennonite area.

Our ex still buys your food, takes you places, and is overall better to you then your so called fiance.

Please, move out before I forcibly do it for you. You have NOTHING nice to say about the family that took you in, and keep commenting on how you "can't wait to get out of there."

Say it again... I'll drive the 2 hours to remove you and put you on your parent's doorstep. Or under a bypass. Somewhere that is far away from OUR ex and MY friend.

Adios!
Deven


----------



## KHayes666

Dear DevenDoom,

You're awesome


Signed, 

Me


----------



## Deven

KHayes666 said:


> Dear DevenDoom,
> 
> You're awesome
> 
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Me



Thank you! You're awesome too


----------



## Your Plump Princess

*Dear Dimensions,*

Thanks for being a wonderful forum of wonderful people with [mostly, we won't count hyde park ]  wonderful things to say and share. You're all really awesome, and I know if I hadn't discovered this website when I turned 18, I would still be excessively self-hating and unappreciative of my lovely rolls. 

You taught me how to be happy with my rolls, each and every dimple and extra curve. To love myself AND my rockin' body [] --- For this, I wanted to say a big  THANK YOU! 

I know a good portion of my posts are probably pointless ramblings or silly comments, but as this is my 5,000th post, I wanted to make it special.  


Sincerely,
Your Plump Princess.


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Dear Check Engine Light:

*FUCK YOU. SUCK ALL OF THE DICKS. ALL OF THEM.*


Sincerely,

Anyone who has ever owned a car.


----------



## KHayes666

That Guy You Met Once said:


> Dear Check Engine Light:
> 
> *FUCK YOU. SUCK ALL OF THE DICKS. ALL OF THEM.*
> 
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Anyone who has ever owned a car.



Tell me about it. Anytime that light comes on its never a good thing


----------



## thatgirl08

D, 

Sometimes you make my heart feel like it's being ripped out of my chest. Sometimes I wish we had never met. I love you too much; you have too much power to hurt me. I just wish you could be the person I need you to be. I don't want to let go, even though I know I should. It's too complicated, too imperfect for it to ever work. Even though I know this to be true, the second your arms are around me I don't care, I want to fight for it. I'm not strong enough to push you away.. please just let me go.

-R






Here's my official apology for rambling about the same guy every few days on this thread.. just helps to have somewhere to vent.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Renee,

The plasters gettin harder
and my love is perfection
a token of my love for your collection

Plaster....caster
grab a hold of me faster
and if you wanna see my love just ask her (points at Renee)


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Cold,

Get out of my face!! You are ruining my 3-day weekend! 

Sincerely,

Grumpy Girl


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear you-know-whos,

I wish I had it in me to say what I really want to say, but do not because doing so would be useless. It would only add fuel to the estrogen-fest that exists and give you something to talk about. So instead, I'll let my friend Dr. Dre sum up what's going on in my head:

"So fuck y'all. All of y'all. If y'all don't like me...blow me."

Sums it up pretty damn nicely, I might add!

,
Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear awesome new friend,

I don't know if it's because you're 47 or because you're a sweethearted hippie, but you almost make me sorry I'm taken. [Okay _no, _not really, but you ARE super awesome!] 

I hope my friend accepts and returns your feelings, she deserves a good guy and I just get nice vibes from you. 

Sincerely,
Your newest 'baby girl'


----------



## nettie

Dear Beautiful, Beautiful Man-
Thank you for today. I've no expectaions or idea where this is going, but you make me believe again.
N.


----------



## samuraiscott

Dear Beautiful Soul,

Thank You.


Sincerely,

Scott


----------



## KHayes666

Dear friend,

THEY GOT THREE GOD DAMN FOOT LOCKERS???!!!!!!

signed, 

Me


----------



## Gingembre

Dear G,

I still miss you. You're still my first and last thought of every day. I had to turn my music up LOUDLY yesterday when I was walking through the station, in case I heard your voice over the tannoy/one of your recorded announcements. I wonder how long I will have to do that for, before the thought of hearing your voice won't make me feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I hope you were working and I hope you saw me on the cameras....I hope it hurt...a lot.

L x


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Bucky,

Thanks for yesterday, I needed it. I do like you, so I'm glad you gave me a second chance. I think we could have a pretty good arrangement, but (because?!) you're not boyfriend material. Not for me anyway...the cocky attitude suits you but I don't think I would ever trust you fully, or ever be totally sure whether you're joking or not. You're really hot though. Heheh!

- Red x


----------



## DeerVictory

dear x

You're pathetic. 

sincerely, y


----------



## rellis10

Dear Dad,

Just because the people in the room are your family doesn't mean you can completely ignore your manners. Next time I'll stick a cork in it and see how much you enjoy breaking wind then!

Yours Ungratefully,
Your Son Going To Find The Air-Freshener


----------



## Fat Brian

Thank you Tiffany for taking Crystal and our poor old pussy to vet today, I know it was short notice but our sad cut up kitty appreciates your kindness.


----------



## PhiloGirl

Dear happy cutesy couples in the B&B,

I'm trying to enjoy a weekend with my friend. No, we're not a couple. Stop reminding me.

Thanks!


----------



## mimosa

Dearest Lady Plump, 

I agree with you. These folks taught me how to love my cinnamon rolls as well. I wanted to rep the heck outta ya. But I couldn't.  Sending love anyway. 

Squishy hugs, 

Mimosa



Your Plump Princess said:


> *Dear Dimensions,*
> 
> Thanks for being a wonderful forum of wonderful people with [mostly, we won't count hyde park ]  wonderful things to say and share. You're all really awesome, and I know if I hadn't discovered this website when I turned 18, I would still be excessively self-hating and unappreciative of my lovely rolls.
> 
> You taught me how to be happy with my rolls, each and every dimple and extra curve. To love myself AND my rockin' body [] --- For this, I wanted to say a big  THANK YOU!
> 
> I know a good portion of my posts are probably pointless ramblings or silly comments, but as this is my 5,000th post, I wanted to make it special.
> 
> 
> Sincerely,
> Your Plump Princess.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Mr Artist

in case I have not said it anywhere near enough THANK YOU! I love my new watercolours. They are amazing and it is super super generous of you. 

Signed

Surprised and Delighted

Dear Universe

ok its raining men. Now what? 

Signed 

not sure how to keep up with the influx


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear T: 

Giving up chocolate and shoe purchases for 40 days isn't going to get you into Heaven any sooner. Cut the shit and maybe do something a bit more meaningful to the Risen Jesus, like not being a whiny bitch every time you have a problem with a co-worker or process that will never, ever be stress or complication-free. It is possible to work through discussions without being all "sandy" if you get my meaning.

And wipe that schmutz off your face...


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Hermie,

*WHYYYYY WEREN'T YOU AT ELF PRACTICE!!!!???*

Signed,

Your Boss


----------



## willowmoon

spiritangel said:


> Dear Universe
> 
> ok its raining men. Now what?
> 
> Signed
> 
> not sure how to keep up with the influx



Hallelujah?


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Dear Well-Meaning People:

Stop telling me how much better I look.

I only lost this much weight because for months, I've been too depressed (and, at many times, too broke) to put food into myself. And when I do eat, it's almost always junk. There have been a lot of times when I've gone an entire day on a Wendy's dollar menu sandwich. 

Does that sound healthy? I don't think so. So stop saying how much "healthier" I look than back before my breakup and internet addiction - when I ate like someone who gave a flying fuck about himself, I was far more confident, and the idea of going through a regular work day didn't seem like crossing Siberia on foot.

And no. I am not beating women back with a stick. No one hits on me, ever.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Man who bought our childhood home at auction today--

Thank you for stopping by to rub in our faces that you now own the home that we live in (for the next week and a half anyway) and have lived in for well over 45 years. It was thoughtless and inconsiderate of you to "stop by to see your house" on the day that you bought it by auction--while we are packing and in mourning over having to move from our family home under such dire circumstances. 
The only happiness I get from knowing that an inconsiderate ass like you bought this home...is that you get to fix (at a hefty cost) all the damage that the mold in the basement has caused. You may think that you got a bargain in the deal but the house needs new windows, new floors, the steps to the upstairs have to be redone as they are poking through the ceiling in the basement, a new roof, new walls, mold treatment and resealing in the basement, new wiring, a new water heater, eaves for the entire house, there is a mole problem in the back yard, bees live under the front porch in the summer, and the roots of the trees in the yard have seeped through the water pipes which causes your washer/bathtub/and toilets to back up--and you will have to pay for that. Enjoy your Karma, Bitch. 
sincerely,
Terri, the soon to be former tenant


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear bestie,

You're setting yourself up for a tragic failure.
Wish you'd listen to us instead of that dick.
It's sad to watch you ruin your life. 

Sincerely,
Deathcow.


----------



## SMA413

Dearest four-legged stepchildren of mine-
While I appreciate the fact that y'all have so quickly gotten into our routine while your Daddy is away, I wish you had a bit more leniency when it comes to my days off. At 4:55 AM, like clockwork, I was awoken by face licking and pacing around my room. Y'all are more reliant than an alarm clock. Unfortunately, as tired as I am, I cannot fall back asleep. But y'all are so damn cute, it's impossible to be mad at y'all.







Love you-
Step Mom


----------



## Surlysomething

Dear Pigdog,

You're horrifying. And not just once in awhile. You eat like it's the last meal you'll ever have and hearing EVERY SINGLE BITE PLAY BY PLAY grosses me out in such a big way that I think I might turn around at any time and vomit on your desk right in front of you.

Plus you smell like sweaty, unwashed hair ALL THE TIME.

TGIF

Your disgusted co-worker.


SHUT UP, MOTHERFUCKER!


----------



## Tracyarts

Dear "Mr. X":

My husband said that you told him you got the impression that I don't like you. Saying that he's right, I don't like you would be the easy answer, but it's not that simple. The truth of the matter is, I just don't want to be around you. The vibe you project is really off-putting and makes me very uncomfortable, and that's why I keep my distance. The sad part, is that underneath the addiction issues and big angry attitude, you're probably a really likeable guy. I totally get that the whole big angry thing is some kind of psychological mechanism and the addictions are part of a bigger problem. But, I frankly do not have any emotional investment in you, so it's not worth my while to try and navigate through or around it. I won't interfere in you having y'alls guy time, but I won't be participating. 

Tracy


----------



## Angel

stalker -

I regret ever having met you.

You are the single most worst mistake I have ever made in my life.

You are an abusive asshole who obviously has absolutely NO respect for women.

I told you to leave me alone. 

You think it's funny? 

You think you are being cute?



You're messing with the wrong woman!


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Tina/Surlysomething,

I really want to give you Ben Howard rep for your sign but I can't! YET! When I can, I shall. 

Laura/Ginge


----------



## Gingembre

Dear me,

So...that was unexpected. You laid it all out and expected the door to close, but he has opened it ajar. You can tell he's not himself yet by the cryptic responses and I know you have no fucking clue what is going on and do not understand what his few vague words mean. BUT...he's been in touch. There is a tiny flicker of hope....DO NOT SNUFF IT OUT. I know you want an answer, but the ball is in his court and you must LEAVE IT THERE. If you push at all, that will be the end for good. So go about your days and leave things as they stand...hopefully he will explain and if not, at least he knows how you feel. That may have to be the consolation prize.

Now go and think about something else.

Me x


----------



## Surlysomething

Gingembre said:


> Dear Tina/Surlysomething,
> 
> I really want to give you Ben Howard rep for your sign but I can't! YET! When I can, I shall.
> 
> Laura/Ginge



Ok, I feel a bit silly. Who is Ben Howard?


----------



## Gingembre

Surlysomething said:


> Ok, I feel a bit silly. Who is Ben Howard?



Haha! The line in your sig is a lyric from one of my current favourite songs...I admit, I was surprised he'd made it to Canada!!  Where did YOU get it from??

ETA: Song here!

ETA (again!): Just realised I initially wrote sign instead of sig....way to get my point across!


----------



## Surlysomething

Gingembre said:


> Haha! The line in your sig is a lyric from one of my current favourite songs...I admit, I was surprised he'd made it to Canada!!  Where did YOU get it from??
> 
> ETA: Song here!
> 
> ETA (again!): Just realised I initially wrote sign instead of sig....way to get my point across!




Ohhhhhhh. Haha. I thought you were talking about my avatar.

As for the song, they've been playing it on the CBC a lot lately and I really like it. Especially that little bit I put in my sig. Unfortunately I have a TERRIBLE memory with names etc. 

Thanks for the reminder and the link.


----------



## thatgirl08

D, 

I didn't want to let you go but I knew I had to. You're no good for me. It hurts.. it just fucking hurts. 

- R.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear family whom I live with--
Thank you very much for the nice birthday wishes. I know that money has been really tight for all of us and the fact that you took the time to make sure that my birthday was a nice one really made all the difference in the world to me. I love the cards, the hugs, the bag of PB M&M's and the journal that you got me, and I REALLY enjoyed the chocolate cupcakes and chinese food. I love you guys more than you will ever know.

Dear friends and not-so-immediate family who wished me a happy birthday...sometimes the smallest of gestures make the biggest impact on a person. All of the happy birthday greetings were uplifting and made my day full of happiness. Thank you very much!

Dear friend who sent me 2 gifts via mail--You know that I appreciate everything that you do for me, but you went above and beyond by sending me the Anna Griffin punches for scrap-booking. You know me better than anyone as displayed by the fact that you ALWAYS get me something I LOVE! You are one of the kindest people I have ever known and I hope that I can return the favor someday for you. The case of popcorn will come in handy too! LOL Love you bunches!

Dear immediate family whom I do NOT live with-- 
Thank you so much for the Happy birthday wishes (sarcasm). 
I am so sorry that taking 2 minutes out of your day to wish me a happy birthday via Facebook, yahoo, phone or by mail was just too much trouble for you--although commenting about dirty jokes on your facebook pages weren't too much bother. I knew what to expect and again you did not let me down. Just so that you know...I will no longer send you birthday, Christmas, and otherwise cards. I will no longer call you and wish you happy greetings, because MY time is just as valuable as yours and I wish to give that precious time to people who deserve it. *scratching your birthdays off my calendar as we speak*.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Flower Fairy

I know you want to be born, but did you have to make me want to play with dress ideas before I had even finished sewing you. It is nice that you want so badly to be born, although your choice of days could have been better. I promise I will work hard tomorrow on getting you at least stuffed and jointed. After all you already have a rose circlet, and an accessory as well as pieces of your dress ready to put together. Can you please be a little patient

Your Instrament of creation


----------



## SMA413

Dear boyfriend-
Just a heads up- if/when you break up with me, I'm keeping Cleo. You can have Sampson. 
Love,
Me
(Your surprisingly emotionally unstable girlfriend/probably just a glorified pet/house-sitter)


----------



## Mathias

Dear People behind the Sims games,

Make a Sims game in the Harry Potter Universe. You'd do a great job with it.

-Matt


----------



## Linda

Dear Angel on my right shoulder,

Please! I am begging you, please keep me focused on doing the right thing in the morning. Don't listen to that that red little devil over there (looks at left shoulder). 

The "little red guy" is jumping up and down screaming for me to stay angry and live out the phrase "paybacks are a bitch", but down to my core it's not who I want to be. I want to do what's right and make this situation as easy as possible for my son.

The problem with that is I always end up feeling like I just laid down and let this man keep on abusing us and treating us like garbage. Getting back at someone feels so much better in the moment but afterwards; after the smoke clears and all is said and done; I always wish I had bit my tongue and had more self control.

So Angel! Get over there and kick the "little red guy" off my shoulder. Because we both know what the "right" thing to do is and by not doing the "right" thing we are a p[art of the problem.

Sincerely, 

Moving to Higher Ground


----------



## Captain Save

Dear Droid,

While I was a little hesitant about making you a part of my life when I returned from the suck last year, I took a chance on you and plunged in a relationship with you with both feet. The comparatively featureless cell you replaced seems almost neolithic by comparison, and you've made me happy beyond my wildest dreams! I don't know what I would do without you these days, and I have become so dependent on you for so much that when I looked for you after I left the gym late this afternoon and couldn't find you, I became a bit alarmed. 

I'm sitting at home wondering where you are, especially since we were together in the locker room getting dressed to leave. I have knots growing in my belly, partly because of the deep intimate things with which you were entrusted, such as my porn, my banking information, passwords, deeply intimate conversations with others, etc., but mostly becasue I thought we would never come to this fork in the road; I'd like to think I treat you better than that. I bought you a nice Otter case so you wouldn't get hurt, and I treat you with the respect electronic devices deserve; I don't drop you (much) or step on you, kick you around, drop you in the toilet, etc. I was depending on you to put me in touch with someone who means a lot to me and could use my attention, but you've left my pocket and I can't reunite with you until the morning when the gym opens. Droid, come back to me, you're an important part of my life; we can make this work.

Yours for as long as you'll have me,
David


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Adversity,

I am *thankful *for you because you are only making *it *stronger and deeper. I consider you "necessary preparation". It is and will be so much *more *than before. A firm foundation may be tested but holds in times of quaking.

Pushing On,
Me


----------



## CAMellie

Mom Jan,

Even though I knew in my head that you were deathly ill...my heart refused to believe it. Getting the phone call this morning letting me know that you had passed away blew my world apart!
You have always been there for me, no questions asked, for as long as I can remember. You tried your hardest to be there for me when my momma died and I had never loved you more than that moment.
You were one of the most stubborn, brave, courageous, and intelligent people I have ever had the pleasure to have known. You raised 6 kids, worked full time, and earned 4 Master's degrees...all by yourself after your ex-husband abandoned you and the kids.
You had a heart transplant 15 years ago and was back in class after only a 10 day hospital stay.

I love you, Mom Jan...and will miss you every day for the rest of my life. You made a huge imprint in my life and I thank you for that.

I feel so blessed to have been unequivocally "adopted" into the family as soon as I married your son. I feel even more blessed to have been a continued part of this wonderful family even after he died.

I love you. Thank you for loving me back.

Your daughter,
Melanie


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear Melanie,

Big hugs and cat cuddles from Idaho. I'm so sorry for your loss.

DP


----------



## CAMellie

Diana_Prince245 said:


> Dear Melanie,
> 
> Big hugs and cat cuddles from Idaho. I'm so sorry for your loss.
> 
> DP



Thank you so much! The hugs and cat cuddles were much appreciated!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear sister who chooses to excommunicate herself from our family--

I hope it's worth it and that the best friend whom you lean on and treat like family--you know...the one who sold you a house knowing full well that your house was infested with termites and wouldn't visit you in the hospital when you were extremely sick and dying (*telling your mother "Its not my problem")--I hope that her friendship is worth it cos you're going to have to rely on her for a long long time. Good thing she's trustworthy and hasn't tried to sleep with any of your men...oh that's right she DID try to sleep with your boyfriends. How wonderful that you have that kind of person to "have your back"...cos having an enemy might be easier.
Your REAL family has figured you out. We--the people whom you refer to as "YOU PEOPLE"--have found that you've borrowed money from each of us and are shuffling the same bit around while we are all waiting for you to be honorable and make good on your promise to pay us back. You never will, because your style is to say "Prove it. Prove that I borrowed your money and I will pay you back." that's what a person who has no class or character would do...although, I notice that you and your daughter have new phones and she's got a new laptop. How NICE that you can afford that but you can't afford to pay me the money that you owe me. 
OH and BTW, in case you've forgotten, YOU are part of that group that you call "you people" whether you like to admit it or not. You have the same bloodline that we do and you are not above us in any way. Even though you like to pretend that you come from an upper class family, we know your true background. Trying to "keep up with the Joneses" will only put you further into a hole, darlin'. You aren't half as high and mighty as you'd like people to think you are and the sooner that you come to realize that, the better.
Our parents taught us to have the same manners and respect for people and to put family first, above all others. They taught us that being an honorable, trustworthy person with character and kindness is utmost important...although somewhere along the line you've forgotten that. Its going to be interesting to see what happens to you when your children grow up and leave you...and that friend whom you put above your family decides that you have no intrinsic value what-so-ever. I hope I live long enough to see that.

We. THE PEOPLE.


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear cats,

You will not starve just because your food bowl is empty for 10 minutes. Just saying.

Love,

Mom


----------



## KHayes666

Diana_Prince245 said:


> Dear cats,
> 
> You will not starve just because your food bowl is empty for 10 minutes. Just saying.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Mom



lol my cats worse. She'll cry and cry and cry for food even when there's food and water still in their bowls.


----------



## Dromond

Dear Daylight Savings Time,

I hate you.

Signed,

Sleep deprived.


----------



## Diana_Prince245

KHayes666 said:


> lol my cats worse. She'll cry and cry and cry for food even when there's food and water still in their bowls.



If they weren't so cute, I'd go for fish instead.


----------



## Linda

Dear Dumb Phuck,

You were nine hours early!!! 

I am sorry (well not really) that I was sleeping, then in the shower, then doing my makeup and hair, then a few dishes that were sitting in the sink and starting a load of laundry all before I could answer your fist pounding on my door.

What? You are late to work? I am terribly sorry. The time change must have me all messed up. 

Maybe, just maybe you could use your phone and communicate like an adult. Maybe you can pull your head out of your ass just long enough to see what you're doing. 

I will continure to keep you in my prayers every single day hoping that you will find a better path throuigh your life. One that doesn't hurt your children any longer. But until that day happens I refuse to let you walk all over me and hurt me. 

I know you are freaking out right now because I just won't let your idiocy affect me. Me being angry and bitter for all of that time was only hurting me. You didn't care at all. You don';t care how you treat others. Look at your family and friends. They've all learned the hard way.

I know it sounds like I am angry right now and I guess I am, more frustrated. But it will pass once I sent this because I am getting my feelings out and then I am moving on and not letting you affect the rest of my day. You have no control over me anymore. Hell, you don;t even have control over yourself. That would be your girlfriend. By the way, she posted on Facebook that she found your balls, they are in her purse. 

At 42 don't you think it's time to grow up? You have exactly nine months to fix yourself because that's when your eldest daughter turns 18 and if you don't fix your little world over there she is gone. She knows all the places she can go to. The relationships you are screwing up now will have ripple effects through the rest of your life. I hope you realize it before it is too late.

Sincerely,
Moving on with my day with a smile on my face.


----------



## samuraiscott

Dear Sir,

I would like a status report on our project, STAT!!

I'm trying to finish this up.


Thanks,



Impatient Samurai


----------



## Captain Save

Captain Save said:


> Dear Droid,
> 
> While I was a little hesitant about making you a part of my life when I returned from the suck last year, I took a chance on you and plunged in a relationship with you with both feet. The comparatively featureless cell you replaced seems almost neolithic by comparison, and you've made me happy beyond my wildest dreams! I don't know what I would do without you these days, and I have become so dependent on you for so much that when I looked for you after I left the gym late this afternoon and couldn't find you, I became a bit alarmed.
> 
> I'm sitting at home wondering where you are, especially since we were together in the locker room getting dressed to leave. I have knots growing in my belly, partly because of the deep intimate things with which you were entrusted, such as my porn, my banking information, passwords, deeply intimate conversations with others, etc., but mostly becasue I thought we would never come to this fork in the road; I'd like to think I treat you better than that. I bought you a nice Otter case so you wouldn't get hurt, and I treat you with the respect electronic devices deserve; I don't drop you (much) or step on you, kick you around, drop you in the toilet, etc. I was depending on you to put me in touch with someone who means a lot to me and could use my attention, but you've left my pocket and I can't reunite with you until the morning when the gym opens. Droid, come back to me, you're an important part of my life; we can make this work.
> 
> Yours for as long as you'll have me,
> David



Dear Droid,

When I awoke this morning, I tried to go back to sleep; memories of the previous day cast such a dark melancholy pall over the morning sun that shone through my bedroom window. I finally fought off the malaise that infected me, and after a cup of morning diesel I faced my fears and and pulled out of the driveway to get you back. 

My guts began to loosen their knots, and when I entered the gym I was dizzy with fear that you wouldn't be there. I unlocked my locker and searched frantically, the adrenaline surging through my being like electricity. Imagine my joy when you fell into my searching fingers! Lifeless when I sought to wake you, but no matter; I have the charger you need to nurse you back to health waiting in my car. You came back to me, and I know now that we were meant to be together, you and I. Rest and recharge on my bureau; we have plenty of time to celebrate our reunion. 

Your sweet talker,

David


----------



## mimosa

Dear Bad boys, 

If you get a good girl and if you mistreat her for a long time, there will be a day, you will regret it. TRUST MY WORDS. On that day, you will think of me. 

Signed, 

Good Girl


----------



## CrankySpice

Dear Bed,

I miss you. I miss you so much.

Love,
me


----------



## MattB

Dear Boss#2...

We need to get moving on this deal, I know you're working hard to make it happen, but I can help you if you ask me. What's another few months of late nights? Those are going to happen anyways. My body has already fused itself to my laptop and phone, creating some sort of digital communications ogre, and in the time that I take to visit here every day I can ease your workload for you. This train's gotta run today...getting a hand is not a sign of weakness...

Matt


----------



## samuraiscott

Dear Sir,

Thank you for that progress report. I am unbelievably stoked. It's amazing and I can't wait for it to be finished.



Sincerely,


A Grateful Samurai :bow:


----------



## KHayes666

Dear whoever you are.

Your status reads "Real friends back you up no matter what happens" That is the biggest crock of bullshit I have ever heard in my life. If I disagree with one of my friends even over the smallest thing like raspberry pop tarts are better than chocolate, they block me off facebook in record time. There are very few people who can be considered real friends, everyone else are just people that temporarily align themselves with you until you are of no further use. Once you stop buying them things or you refuse to walk across the room and hand them something slightly out of their reach or you no longer can afford to drive 130 miles to pick them up....you're gone and forgotten.

Signed,

A pissed off Ajax


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Friend,
I can't believe you didn't find the Frank Freeman voice inspiring. After I spent hours practicing the voice while holding a simulated microphone and grouped together papers.

Signed
The person you'll think of when someone's name is repeated twice.


----------



## pegz

Dear Two People Who Piss Me Off,

1. Your omission of words isn't lost on me.

2. STFU 

Thanks... have a nice day 

Peg


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear inconsiderate person #1,
I heard you knocking on everyone's doors selling what, i don't care. I saw you holding your coffee cup though the peep hole when i was checking my door. That's pretty rude to leave the empty on our stair well. It's only about 20 paces to the dumpster that you could have been a good citizen to toss it there..

Try harder next time,
Me

Dear Inconsiderate dude at Target,
Don't overload the shopping bags, there is only a finite amount of weight that can go in those flimsy things. Putting all those jars of food into my bag to the point that the handles stretched made me very nervous for my walk, in the rain, out to the parking lot. Next time spread my purchases over three bags instead of two insanely filled ones. I could barely get the handles of the bags together for carrying.

Thanks,
Me

ahh now i feel better!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Madison-
I am so happy that you enjoyed your 6th birthday and I am happy that you finally received the birthday card that I sent for you. Didn't you just love the foil smiley face pieces that I stuck in the envelope? I thought I would send along a few smiles! You are such a cutie pie. I can't wait to receive the picture that you are drawing for me in the mail and I have a spot on my desk for it. I hope that your sisters foot heals quickly from the surgery and that the two of you can visit me soon. Love and hugs, 
Aunt Tay-Tay


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear life,

For my sanity, please, please, PLEASE stop kicking us in the balls. It's bad enough he lost his job, but we spent 900 bucks on my car on Saturday and now the transmission may need to be replaced. The car has 47,000 miles on it. Please let it be covered under warranty because if it isn't...well..I don't know what we'll do.

Also, if you send a job for him asap..that would be great.

K?

Thanks,
Misty


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear best friend,

I can't believe you did it.
Quitting your job you had since a teen, the very first job you ever got? That's one thing. 

Going on break and never going back?
That's just fucking childish.

You tell me all the time how I'm childish and always make excuses?
At least I don't let my controlling and manipulative dickhole of a "fiance" push me to quit my job _and make me think it's okay to do so in a completely inappropriate manner. _


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Father Time,

You may claim my grandfather tonight but you won't get me for a long, long time. Like against everyone else on this planet I'll fight to the bitter end.

Signed, 

Ajax


----------



## KHayes666

Dear certain boys in blue

Just when I couldn't think you couldn't stoop any lower you pull this shit. I have seen co-workers go home with pay all the time for being sick, for someone dying and for someone in the hospital.

Thursday my grandfather (who used to work with your fathers and chances are was your boss at one point) passed away and did you send me home early? Nope, you tried to keep me to the end with the other trainees when I'm not one of them nor was I needed by that point.

Yes, I walked out. I stormed off and I left when I wasn't supposed to. What are you gonna do about it? My grandfather would have done the same thing. You can fire me if you want to and I'd throw the biggest party ever, but I will NOT be treated like a second class citizen by you or anyone in that god forsaken hell hole. Then you had the AUDACITY to try to call me in on a friday night (which isn't on my availability and hasn't been for 3 years) KNOWING the grief I've been going through.

I've had it up to here with you, soon I'll no longer have to deal with you ever again....one way or another.


Signed,

me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear F*cktard-

If you haven't figured it out yet, that piece of material that is covering up the bathroom window is called a modesty curtain. I had to put it there so I could use the toilet in privacy without our neighbors seeing. I know that you have no intention of actually putting up a blind or anything that will give me a little privacy, so PLEASE stop tearing down the piece of material. It is very light weight material and is NOT blocking the air from coming in. 
Thank you,
Fat chick who doesn't want to share her bowel movements with the neighbors.


----------



## Linda

Dear D-Bag (err umm) I mean Dennis....Fuq! I better start over...

Dear Dennis (much better)

I want to thank you. You have finally made me feel like I have never felt before. I have been wanting you to make me feel special and by george you've done it!!

I don't think I have ever been this miserable in the 40 years I have been breathing air on this planet. 

You are the most inconciderate person I have ever known and shockingly the most selfish. I thought I knew another who had the award for that but no, you've definately edged him out of that award. Kudos!!

I should have taken notes while watching you spin your goldentales of untruths. You do it like no other. You're amazing. I wish I could learn to be as deceptive and untrustworthy of you but sadly, I will never be of that caliber. 

We do have one thing in common though. Finally! I finally know how you feel. I just don't care either. 

I saw this funny bumper sticker today and it made me think of you. It said, "It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile. But it doesn't take any to sit here and not give a shit about you."

I don't know how I will ever fill the void you have left in my life. Surround myself with my awesome friends perhaps? You know the one who you would never meet because God forbid other people saw how you treated me? Continue to go to Church and be active there? You know the same place you would never go with me because people might have seen us together. Well i could always continue to be a great mom and do fantastic things with my son. And a bonus that I will be able to do it freely without someone saying to me, "Why is he always around?" Umm because he is 9, the joy of my life, I love him with all of my heart and he lives here!!"

You've been great. Truly you have been. You have taught me so much. 1- That in order to have money for video games and gaming systems I should move back in with my parents and kick my grandmother out to the couch so I can have her room where the cable hook up is. 2- That not having a job leaves you with plenty of time to explore your new games and systems that you wouldn't normally have if you were working. 3- That buying a bulk pack of 250 condoms just means your thrifty and well prepared. 4- That saying your going back to school but never actually enrolling just means your checking into all your options no matter how many years it takes. 

All good lessons but I think I am going to remain difficult and just stick to my own life plan. I only have one request...

Get the fuq out of my life. 

If you would be so kind of course.

Sincerely, Linda

P.S. Let me apologize that I never could quite live up to your very high standards.







Dear Anger and Bitterness,

Please leave my head immediately. You are not worth it. I would much rather enjoy being happy and my nerdy-girl self.  Have a safe journey home.

Sincerely, Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Facecrack,

PLEASE START WORKING WITH FIREFOX 

Sincerely,
An Addicted Fool.

----

Dear Lime Vodka,

You're fucking delicious _and_ cheap. 
Where have you BEEN all my ..er, year of drinking age/life ?

Sincerely,
A HUGE FAN


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear bottle of wine,

Where did you go so fast?

Love,

DP


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear new QA guy:

I know you're the interim head after our last guy when completely nutters, but today you may have tentatively handed all the nuclear launch codes to the auditor.

Next time ALWAYS be aware of just what information you give them. If they ask for a line of Scripture, don't give them the whole Bible...


----------



## penguin

Dear body,

I have come to love you quite a lot. Your shape, your size, your colour, your texture. I especially love feeling the different textures you have, with the stretch marks and dimply bits. I've decided to refer to them as Body Braille - something you need to run your fingers over if you want to get the whole story. Something I (or someone else) can enjoy reading again and again. Other people may call them imperfections, but they're not. They add to the story, they make the story, and I'm very glad they're there.

Love,
me


----------



## CAMellie

To whoever was selfish enough to go out in public while sick,


Fuck you! Right now I hate you with the burning passion of a thousand suns. Hurts to breathe, hurts to walk, hurts to hold still, and now I must hurt you. I'll get better soon (too stubborn not to) and when I do...keep watch over your back 'cause I just might be standing there with a can of aerosol influenza, you rotten bastard!

unless it's my 1 year old niece...you know how little ones pick up germs like magnets. if it's because of her I'll just get the hell over it


----------



## Mathias

Dear Matt,

I know you're fuming right now. I know you think he doesn't deserve her, and I know you think this is going to be impossible but MOVE. THE. HELL. ON! You should have been clued into this months ago when she didn't even get back to you over something as simple as wanting to have coffee together, or the night at the Gala last winter when she lied and said she wasn't going to be there then walks past you without so much as a glance as another guy was on her arm.

And as for him? Let them be together and eventually she'll see him for the pompous jerk that he is. He already fucked up his last relationship with his bullshit and she doesn't want to listen when her friend warned her about him. Maybe she'll have to learn what she missed out on the hard way. Get up, dust yourself off and try again! There's that other girl who works at the Health Hut you've had your eye on. Just smile, maintain eye contact and ask HER out. Maybe she'll go out with you on Friday. Don't let this get to you!

-Matt


----------



## KHayes666

Dear boys in blue,

You shocked me the last 2 days. By showing up to the wake and funeral you proved what everyone was telling me all along. Great guys outside of work, lousy to work with. I greatly respect you showing up to pay last respects.

I'll keep this in mind the next time I want to go insane at work. I won't get personal when there's no need.

Signed, 

Ajax


----------



## CAMellie

To my neighbor Rodney,

You friggin' ROCK, man! To go out of your way to get me some DayQuil and NyQuil - and then tell me not to worry about it because you know what it's like to be sick - it just reaffirms my faith in humanity.

Thank you from the bottom of my sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching body!!!!


----------



## Lovelyone

Heheh...

I've got something that belongs to you and I am not giving it back until you pay me what you owe me. 

Me


----------



## pegz

Dear DC,

You wear me the fuck out 

Thanks and Buh bye


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Spring cold--
Wha????? Seriously??? It's 85 degrees outside and you have to come visit me?
The night time, sniffling, sneezing stuffy head fever so you can rest medicine does not work. Please, please please go away soon.


----------



## rellis10

Dear Jobcentre,

Goodbye! Bwahahahahaha!

Not Yours Anymore,
The Dude With A Job


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear Dr. Pepper,
Please wake me up. I'm way too tired for 4pm. I can barely keep my eyes open. I think the excitement made for a bad night sleep last night. But have no fear, if you don't work by the time Taekwon Do class rolls around, i will resort to 5 hour energy. 

Sleepily yours,
Megan


----------



## thatgirl08

rellis10 said:


> Dear Jobcentre,
> 
> Goodbye! Bwahahahahaha!
> 
> Not Yours Anymore,
> The Dude With A Job



Congratulations!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear L,

I love you, you're going to be fine, we're going to find a way to make you fine. This blockage isn't cancer related, I'm sorry I can't be there, please be okay.. 

sincerely,
M. 



.. Dear Greater Powers That Be,

Please, she's been through SO much, why do you keep targeting her? What lesson can she possibly learn from this? This is bullshit, that's what this is, and you need to fucking fix this shit.

Angrily Yours,
M.


----------



## Mathias

Dear friend,

I've been trying to give you the benefit of the doubt for a long time now, but my patience is reaching its limits. The only one to blame for how you're feeling right now is you. Take a look at yourself and stop blaming others for your problems.

-Matt


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

rellis10 said:


> Dear Jobcentre,
> 
> Goodbye! Bwahahahahaha!
> 
> Not Yours Anymore,
> The Dude With A Job


Yay! Congrats, Rick. I know you've been looking for a long time.


----------



## danielson123

To all the wise people here at Dims,

Sooo... Does anybody have any ideas for me on how I can get my drunk uncle to stop visiting my Alzheimer's-ridden Gram and I without having to tell him myself and making him mad? He comes over every single Tuesday and does nothing but wind her up and aggravate her to the point of pure insanity. He doesn't understand what he's doing isn't helping and is actually making things harder for both her and myself, and won't listen to me when I tell him to back off her and give her space. Any advice is greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to do!

Thanks in advance,
Dan


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dan,

Does he have a sibling still around that you can appeal to? He may not listen to you, but he may listen to someone of his own generation.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Lee,

When I first got out of the hospital, I was incoherent and they didn't give me six months. You would come twice a day and not only take such gentle care of me, but give Nacho and Daniel cuddles because I couldn't and even when it wasn't your day, you still checked on me anyway. You were in every way, my advocate, even when it compromised your position. 

You were the first to notice that I went cold turkey on the painkillers because I was watching Nat Geo and Discovery rather than Spongebob and could carry on an intelligent conversation and although you berated me for putting myself in danger, I knew you were also secretly proud of me. 

You were the first to see that things were not right between ex-spouse and I and the first to ask about it and BELIEVE me. Thank you. 

When I would cry from loneliness and pain, you would get on the bed with me (which I know you could have been fired for) and we'd gossip and play with the cats (also a no-no) and you were the first to notice my hair growing back even before I did. 

And then I didn't need you anymore, no matter how much I wanted you. Insurance wouldn't pay for you or any of the others to take care of me, and ex-spouse was suspicious of me talking to outsiders so he put the kibosh on any appeals and our last meeting was just holding hands, drinking coffee and crying. We talked about your life-partner, your Westies, and your band and had an awkward hug and even more awkward kiss (what WAS that?) and I didn't see you again until you FB'd me.

You never told me that you'd beaten (or even had) leukemia and had passed your five-year anniversary. I guess because it was your past and you were always looking forward to the future and when I saw you needed a bone-marrow transplant last year, I cried because I was too fat to join the registry. They wouldn't even consider me, to even see if I was a match but I tried, buddy, because I loved you so much and am so grateful that you took care of me and believed that I would live when everyone else thought I was going to die.

I believe you're going to make it, no matter what anyone says. I wish you the happiest of birthdays and hope you have many many more healthy ones to enjoy and I thank you for not just being the best nurse ever but the one of the best human beings I've had the privilege to know. 

Aloha,
Elaine


----------



## littlefairywren

danielson123 said:


> To all the wise people here at Dims,
> 
> Sooo... Does anybody have any ideas for me on how I can get my drunk uncle to stop visiting my Alzheimer's-ridden Gram and I without having to tell him myself and making him mad? He comes over every single Tuesday and does nothing but wind her up and aggravate her to the point of pure insanity. He doesn't understand what he's doing isn't helping and is actually making things harder for both her and myself, and won't listen to me when I tell him to back off her and give her space. Any advice is greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to do!
> 
> Thanks in advance,
> Dan



I know you're not wanting to make your uncle mad by tackling him head on, but maybe you need to consider what is worse...him getting mad or the stress that his visits are causing both you and your Gram which you then have to defuse. 
Unfortunately a lot of families have the proverbial black sheep that must be dealt with and sometimes the only way (hard as it is), is to just tackle them directly. There may be fallout, but if it's for you and your Gram's peace of mind it may just be worth it.

Good luck.


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Dear Customer:

It is almost half an hour after closing time. Why are you stopped in the middle of the floral section singing Lady Gaga's Bad Romance to your four-year old daughter?

Please make your purchases and exit the store so we can begin our closing procedure, or else I will rip out your useless little brain.


Sincerely:

The Produce Clerk Who Has To Clean The Entire Department By Himself Every Night.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

That Guy You Met Once said:


> Dear Customer:
> 
> It is almost half an hour after closing time. Why are you stopped in the middle of the floral section singing Lady Gaga's Bad Romance to your four-year old daughter?
> 
> Please make your purchases and exit the store so we can begin our closing procedure, or else I will rip out your useless little brain.
> 
> 
> Sincerely:
> 
> The Produce Clerk Who Has To Clean The Entire Department By Himself Every Night.


Clearly someone who has never, ever worked a retail job. I apologize to store clerks when I have to come in 10 minutes before closing (in small stores where there's, like, one register. lol.)


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear new Stalker,

Let the games begin, you inbreed hickbilly hills-have-eyes bitch. You don't come into fatty territory, Ever.

Unappreciatedly Yours,
Negamonte Firestone.

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Best friend,

Really? I can't believe you'd tell her about me, where I live, and LET HER STALK ME tonight! Some "Best Friend" huh? Maybe our mutual friends are right, maybe you really have been using me for all these years. I .. I loved you, you were my right hand hoe for how long? Why are you doing this to me? ME?

Confused and Raging,
Deathcow.


----------



## Dromond

Dear Lord,

I think you have mistaken me for Job. Please correct this confusion at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely, your battered follower.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear General Barnicke


Thanks for promoting me temporarily but fuck you for getting my favorite soldier killed in the process. After my promotion is coming to an end I'm switching to another unit since she's gone. 


Signed,

"Major" Hayes


----------



## Surlysomething

Dear End of the long weekend,

Why do you always keep me up all night? You know I have to get up at the crack of ass and deal with these crazy people. 4 hours sleep isn't going to cut it today. Please send out some smoke signals to warn people that i'm going to be extra surly today.

Thanks,

Coffee-Bitch.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Friend-

I've figured it all out now. No need in playing the games because honestly I am not interested in being THAT person for you any longer. You said that some people are just "used" to their life the way that it is and that being single is normal. In your case--if that were true you wouldn't keep contact with me. You wouldn't look at houses in my area and make suggestive comments about how nice it would be to live here, and you wouldn't do all the other numerous things that might lead someone to think that you really ARE ready for a relationship (even though you never act upon the opportunities that come along). 

So I have a suggestion...go enjoy your mundane life and just leave me alone. I am not getting any younger and I don't feel like turning our 9 year friendship (the last three years having been more than just flirtation) into a lifelong on line relationship. I am not getting any younger my dear friend, and neither are you. Someday you will wake up and realize that you are a lonely old man who has squandered a wonderful opportunity to be with someone who genuinely cares for you and isn't concerned about your faults and idiosyncratic behavior. I prefer to be someone's priority instead of just an option and I don't have the precious time to wait for you to decide that your life is empty without someone. If I do that I will be a blue-haired granny sitting on her front porch in a rocking chair and talking to her 45 cats. I don't have any interest in waiting that long. Wishing you all the best and endless happiness in the future...

Take care of you,
Terri


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Great Whatever,
Trying to be unsnarky is a little harder then I thought it would be. Years of crafting those little bon mots and now to suddenly try to stop. 

Trying his best
Snuggletiger


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear universe,

What the actual fuck. April showers is not something metaphoracle for "Humans crying" -- stop with the bullshit, enough is enough already.

Sincerely,
Me.

*PS: Please be gentle on Oklahoma today... okay? Please?*


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear Papa John's,

Why can't I quit you? 

Sigh,

Ginny


----------



## penguin

Dear Me,

I'm pretty damn awesome, and it's great to remember that. My relationship with me is the most important one I'll ever have, so I'm gonna make sure that I'm treating myself with the love and respect I deserve.

Love always,
Me.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Lt Colonel Donsoir

What the fuck? For the past 3 years you've been making me do all the hard work by myself without sending any help over. When I got back from lunch and saw all that was ahead of me I was thinking "How typical."

Then you screwed everything up by helping me with the tank work. Just when I thought I had you pegged you screwed it up by helping me out. Now I can't hate everybody....thanks a lot.

In all seriousness, thanks a lot. I wasn't feeling well and that lightened my load tremendously. It probably won't happen again but it was appreciated.

Signed,

"Major" Hayes


----------



## thatgirl08

Dear Life, 

You've thrown me a little too much change lately but thankyouthankyouthankyou for the opportunities. Thank you for letting my hard work finally pay off and thank you for sending the positive vibes and the love and pure good will of others my way. I know I complain about the bad a lot but I'm truly grateful for all the good that has come my way in the last few months too. Please.. keep it coming!! 

R.


----------



## SMA413

Dear Blake Shelton-
I want to have your babies. 
Love,
Me


----------



## mimosa

To my ex's new woman, 

I am not mad at you. For whatever reason, you are dating him. I want to say: thank you. Because of you, I am not being abused anymore. One day, you will find out, what a liar and a cheater he really is. The best of luck to you. 

Your boyfriend's ex

Dear whatever you are, 

If you have a smart girlfriend, one day...she is going to dump you for being a BIG CHEATER. I am so glad you are NOT my boyfriend. 

Me


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Starkid

Yes Holy Musical [email protected] is hillarious, and yes I loved it but did you really have to write such a catchy song that would get stuck in my head and make me want to sing it all the time
the words "Fuck you, i'm gonna kick your arse" are just not appropriate out and about in polite society

why did you have do make it so damn catchy

signed

still singing that damn song


----------



## penguin

Dear Amethyst,

This time five years ago I was in hospital, and the midwife had just broken my waters. You were slowly making your way to the outside world so that we could finally meet properly. It was such a joy to finally see you, to hold you, to know you. You are the light of my life and you have brought me so much joy, love and happiness. Every day you make me laugh and smile, and I am truly honoured to be your mother. I love you, my crazy little butt loving munchkin pants.

love always,
Your mum


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Life-
You've put a lot of obstacles in my way, loaded my plate up with more things than one person should have to handle in a lifetime, now...you are trying yet again to make things difficult for me. Guess what? I am happy anyway, in spite of you.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Great Whatever,
is it ever possible for the snarky comedian to understand what goes on in a woman's mind? or is the Robert Evans quote that accurate?
Signed
you pal 
Snuggletiger *paw print*


----------



## BrownEyedChica

Dear Me,

... Everything will be all right, even though it may hurt so much...

Love, 

Me


----------



## SMA413

Dear 20 days-
That's like nothing. He'll be home before I know it. Hopefully my super awesome super secret project will be done by then. I know it's gonna go by super fast and super slow at the same time. 
Sincerely twitterpatted-
Me


----------



## Mishty

Puss Wellington Jake Thorncloth Magoo,

You are making amazing progress & I have this funny feeling you're gonna be just fine. Better than fine. Good. We're gonna make it baby. Cry sometimes. Really cry. It's refreshing when a woman cries and remembers its perfectly fine to feel emotion,even after the heart wrenching flood you've been living under for almost eight god damn years. 
Keep ya chin up Puss,smile every single fucking day even if it hurts. A few wrinkles and cheek spasms are worth the effort,yo! 


Love ye be careful,
M.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Me-

Don't be afraid, don't be lazy, don't make excuses. Just do what you are wanting to do and be happy with the fact that you were brave enough to attempt what you think is impossible.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Universe

I do not ask for much, but please please please let me find the cash to attend the Tim Holtz workshop in June and the money to be able to stay in Sydney as well as trying to do the whole thing in one day may leave me with no energy to enjoy the actual experience. 
This would mean the world to me and I truly do not want to miss out on the experience of a lifetime


signed 

hopefull dreamer


----------



## KHayes666

Dear fellow Tank Gunners,

Beep at me one more time and I'll fire a cannon shot right at ya. You won't like that and neither will the maintanence crew.


Signed,

Major Hayes


----------



## penguin

Dear nose,

Please let me breathe through you again. I like being able to do that. I don't like feeling like my face is filled with cement. Let's be friends again, okay?


Dear muse,

Please stay. I like it when you're around. Keep tickling my plot bunnies so they breed more, too, please.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear toilet paper in executive washroom,

You hurt like hell. You'd think being in the executive bathroom you'd actually be comfortable.


Signed,

Unhappy wiper


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Woman I have to work with but don't like:

I like how you made comments about some people not wearing their name tags but you wore yours everyday---- and then the owner comes in today and you're not wearing yours. 

If you leave it off again, I just might hide it on you.


Ti hi hi hi hi


Yes, I can be as stupid, immature and petty as you are. Care to play? 

Moi


----------



## Mathias

Dear Matt,

Next time, do your laundry _before_ you get drunk. It'll just make things so much easier, ok champ?

-Mr. Cabrini.


----------



## Deven

Dear Body,

I know... we've been going too far, too hard... and I know you're stressed. Our dedication and time will soon be rewarded, I promise you. Please, don't do what I *think* you're about to do now... I need you to stay focused. We can breakdown in a month or two, I promise you...

Love,
Mind


----------



## JerseyGirl07093

Dear Matt,
I know I'm not your mom or even your birth mom but this Mother's Day is extra special because this is the year we found you again, safe and happy. And even if I never get to meet or talk to you I just want you to know that I love you and just knowing you are alive and doing so well makes me happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you.

Love,
The woman who would have been the best Aunt/Godmother you could have ever asked for if I'd have had the chance


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Dear Female Former Roommates:

Just because your new roommate is a large dude with a beard doesn't mean he's going to rape you. 

In fact, I resent that accusation, because he's one of my best friends. I've already paid May's rent, but I'm not using my room because I'm moving out, so I'm letting him stay there until the end of the month. It would be cruel to let him go homeless - just because they guy he used to live with threw him out after an argument over some stupid bullshit - when I have a paid-off room I'm not using. We've been over this three times before.

This would be a perfect situation if it wasn't for your pissing and moaning about how you're "afraid for your safety, as girls" and how "pissed off" you are at me for "bringing someone we don't know into our house." Also, I've gotten word that one of you is locking yourself in your room and is refusing to leave when he's here, and the other is staying with one of your friends. 

Look: He's not some random hobo. I've known this guy since I was 14, and he did the exact same favor for me when I didn't have a place to stay for a week last year.

The two guys who live in the house are fine with him being here, and you can't write this off as men not understanding women, because my girlfriend also thinks you're being ridiculous.



Sincerely,

Your equally pissed former roommate.


----------



## Linda

Dear New Meds,

I hate you! I am tired of vomitting every few hours just because you can not get along with the rest of my body. Listen up! You are supposed to be helping me not making me violently ill. Now play nice or your off the team!!

Sincerely,

*runs to the toilet*


----------



## Surlysomething

That Guy You Met Once said:


> Dear Female Former Roommates:
> 
> Just because your new roommate is a large dude with a beard doesn't mean he's going to rape you.
> 
> In fact, I resent that accusation, because he's one of my best friends. I've already paid May's rent, but I'm not using my room because I'm moving out, so I'm letting him stay there until the end of the month. It would be cruel to let him go homeless - just because they guy he used to live with threw him out after an argument over some stupid bullshit - when I have a paid-off room I'm not using. We've been over this three times before.
> 
> This would be a perfect situation if it wasn't for your pissing and moaning about how you're "afraid for your safety, as girls" and how "pissed off" you are at me for "bringing someone we don't know into our house." Also, I've gotten word that one of you is locking yourself in your room and is refusing to leave when he's here, and the other is staying with one of your friends.
> 
> Look: He's not some random hobo. I've known this guy since I was 14, and he did the exact same favor for me when I didn't have a place to stay for a week last year.
> 
> The two guys who live in the house are fine with him being here, and you can't write this off as men not understanding women, because my girlfriend also thinks you're being ridiculous.
> 
> 
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Your equally pissed former roommate.



Wow. I'm pretty mind-blown that you have no empathy for your former female roommates. It can be pretty uncomfortable to live with a STRANGER. Maybe you should have thought about them first.


----------



## penguin

Surlysomething said:


> Wow. I'm pretty mind-blown that you have no empathy for your former female roommates. It can be pretty uncomfortable to live with a STRANGER. Maybe you should have thought about them first.



It can be uncomfortable at first, yes, but for them to assume this guy is out to rape or harm them is a huge overreaction.


----------



## ScreamingChicken

Dear close friend of mine who happens to be a BBW,

I know that you love the fact that I am an FA. I never hid it 20 years ago when we dated nor do I hide it now. If anything, I am more open about my preference than ever (which is saying something). But...posting on my FB wall a picture of Justin Timberlake holding a sing that reads"Real Mean Want Big Booty Bitches and Titties" was just a bad idea. My kids and their mother can see that kind of thing. I'd just as soon not get in to another war with her. It's bad enough she is already acting snarky about the lady I have started seeing and my gut is telling me that their is going to be problems on the horizon soon. 

Next time, please think a bit before you post.

Thanks, 

Rick


----------



## Surlysomething

ScreamingChicken said:


> Dear close friend of mine who happens to be a BBW,
> 
> I know that you love the fact that I am an FA. I never hid it 20 years ago when we dated nor do I hide it now. If anything, I am more open about my preference than ever (which is saying something). But...posting on my FB wall a picture of Justin Timberlake holding a sing that reads"Real Mean Want Big Booty Bitches and Titties" was just a bad idea. My kids and their mother can see that kind of thing. I'd just as soon not get in to another war with her. It's bad enough she is already acting snarky about the lady I have started seeing and my gut is telling me that their is going to be problems on the horizon soon.
> 
> Next time, please think a bit before you post.
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> Rick



Why do you still have your ex on FB and how old are your kids? Kids shouldn't be on that site unless they're of age, no? Why would an adult friend of yours think she has to look out for your kids? That's not her job.


----------



## ScreamingChicken

Surlysomething said:


> Why do you still have your ex on FB and how old are your kids? Kids shouldn't be on that site unless they're of age, no? Why would an adult friend of yours think she has to look out for your kids? That's not her job.



The ex is not a friend on FB but our kids do have the FB accounts. She manages their accounts ( she watches their activity like a hawk)and it allows her to post pics of them so I can see and share them on my page. I have no desire to look at her page and this allows for a sort of compromise.Yes, she can look at my page but I could care less because it's otherwise pretty quiet. As for kids with FB accounts, that rule is pretty muched laughed at based on all the fresh faces I've seen as my kids' friends.

As for the adult friend, it's called being considerate. I know she didn't mean ill will or harm. It probably didn't occur to her at the time that it could cause me some heartburn. I am not mad at her. It was more of a facepalm moment then anything.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Goat Killers,


YOU STINK! Stop with the god damn curry, you're giving my parents headaches and they can barely sleep because of the smell. Will you just move somewhere else so my parents can actually live?

Signed,

Disgruntled son


----------



## Surlysomething

ScreamingChicken said:


> The ex is not a friend on FB but our kids do have the FB accounts. She manages their accounts ( she watches their activity like a hawk)and it allows her to post pics of them so I can see and share them on my page. I have no desire to look at her page and this allows for a sort of compromise.Yes, she can look at my page but I could care less because it's otherwise pretty quiet. As for kids with FB accounts, that rule is pretty muched laughed at based on all the fresh faces I've seen as my kids' friends.
> 
> As for the adult friend, it's called being considerate. I know she didn't mean ill will or harm. It probably didn't occur to her at the time that it could cause me some heartburn. I am not mad at her. It was more of a facepalm moment then anything.



You can change privacy settings on FB so your kids only have access to certain things. You shouldn't expect your friends to adhere to what you would consider a "facepalm". That's why most people don't have kids on their accounts. You choose to let your kids go on a social media site. The onus is on you. That's all i'm saying.


----------



## Surlysomething

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Goat Killers,
> 
> 
> YOU STINK! Stop with the god damn curry, you're giving my parents headaches and they can barely sleep because of the smell. Will you just move somewhere else so my parents can actually live?
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Disgruntled son



God Bless America!


----------



## AuntHen

People With "Woofers" in Their Cars,

You. *Annoy*. Me.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Lt. Colonel Donsoir,

Its about time your recognized us Captains have really been Majors all along. At least one of you brassholes gets it.....temporarily anyway. Thanks for the early out.


Signed,

Major Hayes


----------



## CAMellie

Dear random people who know NOTHING about me in real life,

Yes...getting a job will fix ALL my problems. I mean...fuck...people are THROWING jobs at me right now! I feel like such an ass for not figuring it out on my own! Oh bless you! You have fixed my entire world!

That was sarcasm, douches!

Melanie - the woman on disability until her right hip gets replaced


----------



## KHayes666

CAMellie said:


> Dear random people who know NOTHING about me in real life,
> 
> Yes...getting a job will fix ALL my problems. I mean...fuck...people are THROWING jobs at me right now! I feel like such an ass for not figuring it out on my own! Oh bless you! You have fixed my entire world!
> 
> That was sarcasm, douches!
> 
> Melanie - the woman on disability until her right hip gets replaced



Good luck with the hip replacement. Hope the recovery goes well.


----------



## CAMellie

KHayes666 said:


> Good luck with the hip replacement. Hope the recovery goes well.



Thanks! :happy:


----------



## Surlysomething

CAMellie said:


> Dear random people who know NOTHING about me in real life,
> 
> Yes...getting a job will fix ALL my problems. I mean...fuck...people are THROWING jobs at me right now! I feel like such an ass for not figuring it out on my own! Oh bless you! You have fixed my entire world!
> 
> That was sarcasm, douches!
> 
> Melanie - the woman on disability until her right hip gets replaced




Maybe because they're random people they don't know your issues. They probably were just trying to help. No?


----------



## CAMellie

Surlysomething said:


> Maybe because they're random people they don't know your issues. They probably were just trying to help. No?



I said random to be a smartass. It's my brother-in-law who is well aware of my physical disabilities and just likes to be a dick.


----------



## Surlysomething

CAMellie said:


> I said random to be a smartass. It's my brother-in-law who is well aware of my physical disabilities and just likes to be a dick.




Ahhh. That's unfortunate.


----------



## LoveBHMS

Dear Guest-




When you consume nine vodka and sodas I am going to show some concern for you. At the very least I will ask your companions if you have a ride tonight. I'd appreciate it if you didn't cop an attitude with me, although I'll forgive you both because you were hammered and because I assume something pretty bad is going on in your life if you need that much vodka to blot it out. I just don't want you to kill yourself or anyone else.

L.


----------



## Deven

Dear Grandma,

Why are you even sitting here, in this waiting room? You never gave a damn about your daughter, and that hasn't changed much. The only reason you have anything to do with her is because she's the only one who does everything for you, pays attention to you, and gives a damn about you.

You let your husbands rape her, blaming her when she told you about it. You let your husbands family tell her that she was evil because she was born out of wedlock. You let your one husband abuse her to the point that she ran away at 16 and didn't return until she was 18.

When she and her son (you know, my brother you blame every ailment you've had since he was born until he left your life on) came to live with you because her soon to be ex husband was beating her, you didn't give two damns about either of them. When she became pregnant with me, even though you love me so much (I don't know why you do) you let her subsist on oranges that you brought home because you were too lazy to take her to apply for food stamps, medical assistance, or even take her to a doctor to see if I was going to be healthy.

You let her and I live in an abusive environment until I couldn't take it and moved into a boarding house. You only helped us escape when your precious other daughter needed someone to take over her lease when she met some guy on match.com. So glad to know you gave a damn when my stepdad smashed my nose!

Your hoarding, hypochondria, and martyr complex are starting to royally piss me off. Watching the Doctors, Dr. Oz, and every medical show under the sun isn't good for you. All of the incurable diseases I ever hear you mention eventually fall off the radar. Mom has started going with you to the doctor because no one trusts what you say. With good reason: The doctor has confirmed to my mother, in front of you, that nothing is wrong with you. It doesn't stop you from lying to your older sister, telling her things are wrong with you when they indeed are not. Like your "anemia."

So, now you're here, waiting in the waiting room for my mom's surgery. You pretended to be stupid AND deaf so I had to shout at you and every single person in the room ended up staring at me, looking at me like I was an abusive granddaughter. And trust me, I'm starting to feel like it's oncoming. I'm starting to feel like I can't hold back. You value plastic bags, snapple lids, and 20 year old newspapers more than you value your family. When we try to do nice things for you, like when I took you out to the steak house I could not really afford, but did it anyway, all you could do was complain.

You don't say a nice word to anyone, you don't share, but you expect everyone to share with you. You are the most self-centered person I have ever met, and you put my stress level through the roof so high, that I'm starting to wait until I actually have a stroke. 

Your angry granddaughter,
Dev

PS: If the kids playing outside, in their OWN yard, is too much for your blood pressure... maybe you should consider moving into the woods or into a retirement community.


----------



## gunther

Radio Shack,

Your hard sell approach will never work on me. I don't want any stupid phones or batteries. Hope you join Circuit City in the technology graveyard.

Up yours,
Gunther


----------



## BBWbonnie

Dear men who only want to talk about my weight,

GET A LIFE!


----------



## KHayes666

BigCutieBonnie said:


> Dear men who only want to talk about my weight,
> 
> GET A LIFE!



That's about 75% of all FA's. 

Better off getting a dog or a cat, least they'll be too busy pawing at things to notice your weight lol


----------



## spiritangel

BigCutieBonnie said:


> Dear men who only want to talk about my weight,
> 
> GET A LIFE!



AMEN TO THAT!!!!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Everything Bagel and salami....thou art a piece or art, but I must eat you.


----------



## EMH1701

Dear vendors,

Please at least go through training before bombarding me with basic questions on how to fill out the online forms to pay your ad bills, most of which would be self-explanatory if you had reading comprehension skills and had read my directions in the first place. It's not like you haven't had since January to go through training.

* * * * *

Also, Dear help desk at work,

I am sick and tired of my vendors telling me how much you suck and are basically worthless, and sick and tired of getting no help from you myself.

Please stop sucking. Thanks.

* * * * *

Yeah, it's been one of those weeks at work. Thank goodness it's a long weekend. I'm taking PTO tomorrow. Woot!


----------



## AuntHen

BigCutieBonnie said:


> Dear men who only want to talk about my weight,
> 
> GET A LIFE!



Dear Bonnie,

You may want to consider a *career *change then... just sayin'. 

Me


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

BigCutieBonnie said:


> Dear men who only want to talk about my weight,
> 
> GET A LIFE!



I think the keyword here is "only," folks. People of ANY orientation/preference become dull indeed when they ONLY want to talk about one's body.


----------



## balletguy

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I think the keyword here is "only," folks. People of ANY orientation/preference become dull indeed when they ONLY want to talk about one's body.



Fair point


----------



## Diana_Prince245

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I think the keyword here is "only," folks. People of ANY orientation/preference become dull indeed when they ONLY want to talk about one's body.



Exactly. Regardless of one's line of work, being asked constantly about one thing and one thing only by someone makes you really not want to speak with them.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear sister,


You know some day you're going to have to learn how to put the toilet paper on the roller. Your b/f, my father and myself won't be around to do it forever.


Signed,

Mr. Toilet Paper Refiller Guy


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Logic,

If you ONLY portray ONE portion of yourself in both your professional AND personal life, the odds are you are most likely ONLY going to attract ONE type of person. 

Me


----------



## Blackjack

fat9276 said:


> Dear Logic,
> 
> If you ONLY portray ONE portion of yourself in both your professional AND personal life, the odds are you are most likely ONLY going to attract ONE type of person.
> 
> Me



Dear passive-aggressive:

That's not really what she's doing, but don't let that stop you from being absurdly judgmental.

Me


----------



## Saoirse

but like, it kinda is.


----------



## AuntHen

Blackjack said:


> Dear passive-aggressive:
> 
> That's not really what she's doing, but don't let that stop you from being absurdly judgmental.
> 
> Me




Dear Blackjack,

Ohhh I wasn't passive aggressive... I said what I wanted *directly *to her (read back a bit). Plus it's the net.. if I am passive-aggressive, so is EVERYONE that ever POSTS their opinions. I have nothing to base my opinion on but what she puts on here. Nice try though. <smirk>

Me


----------



## Lovelyone

fat9276 said:


> Dear Logic,
> 
> If you ONLY portray ONE portion of yourself in both your professional AND personal life, the odds are you are most likely ONLY going to attract ONE type of person.
> 
> Me



Oh, I do empathize with this. I've felt that way about my own life.


----------



## mszwebs

fat9276 said:


> Dear Bonnie,
> 
> You may want to consider a *career *change then... just sayin'.
> 
> Me



Dear you,

If you can honestly say you would have made the similar comment if her avatar had her holding a violin and her letter had read:

_Dear guys who only want to talk about pizzicato techniques;

GET A LIFE_

Then fine. Otherwise, regardless of her supposed portrayal of herself and life to the outside world, you sound as though you're basically telling her that she's asking for it... and it sounds rather judgy. I'd like to think that wasn't the intent.

I have guys who only want to discuss my weight and squashing and fill in the blank, and I'm NOT a web model...so really, it happens to many of us and is annoying, regardless of our chosen career.

No one will argue that it's not a hazard of being a web model if you're not into every conversation being like that, but with the lack of manners in people on the internet, getting out of the business isn't going to make the problem go away.

Bonnie deserves to be treated with respect, web model or not.

- Me


----------



## AuntHen

mszwebs said:


> Dear you,
> 
> If you can honestly say you would have made the similar comment if her avatar had her holding a violin and her letter had read:
> 
> _Dear guys who only want to talk about pizzicato techniques;
> 
> GET A LIFE_
> 
> Then fine. Otherwise, regardless of her supposed portrayal of herself and life to the outside world, you sound as though you're basically telling her that she's asking for it... and it sounds rather judgy. I'd like to think that wasn't the intent.
> 
> I have guys who only want to discuss my weight and squashing and fill in the blank, and I'm NOT a web model...so really, it happens to many of us and is annoying, regardless of our chosen career.
> 
> No one will argue that it's not a hazard of being a web model if you're not into every conversation being like that, but with the lack of manners in people on the internet, getting out of the business isn't going to make the problem go away.
> 
> Bonnie deserves to be treated with respect, web model or not.
> 
> - Me




Dear Mzwebs,

Her avatar has nothing to do with it. There are plenty of women who have "fat showing" avatars. I would have said it to anyone where they themselves had a MAIN TOPIC and then complained when that's what some people wanted to talk about most. I think your scenario up top makes that point nicely in fact (not the avatar but change the subject she talked about most to *whatever*). I am not trying to judge... logically it just doesn't make sense.

Me


----------



## Jeeshcristina

Dear Boss, 

You are a racist, chauvinistic, rude, hypocritical bigot. Stop spewing your hateful opinions at me and expecting me to accept them as fact. I think you are one of the most misguided people I have had the displeasure of meeting.

Your disgusted employee.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear two Amazing friends,

your generosity leaves me speachless, helping to make a dream come true then adding icing on top of the already overflowing cake touches me to my very soul.

In a world that seems ever greedier and to forget to help our fellow man I am so touched to know that you have thought of me. 

My gratitude is limitless and my soul sings to know I have such amazing angels in my life.

You are proof that good friends are worth waiting for

Lots of squishy hugs

eternally grateful


----------



## Surlysomething

I'm sure you're a nice person, but you come across as a hypocritcal, manipulative cock-tease.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Curse,"fun week"etc.--

Take your cramps, moodiness, and exhaustion and go jump in a river. I am tired of you. Go away. The weather is already making me miserable...I don't need you making me miserable, too. GTFO!


----------



## Yakatori

Surlysomething said:


> "_I'm sure you're a nice person, but you come across as a hypocritcal, manipulative cock-tease._"


I get that from a lot of people...


----------



## Surlysomething

Yakatori said:


> I get that from a lot of people...




Haha. :bow:


----------



## Luv2BNaughty

Dear PITA,

Thank you for turning a random conversation into a moody afternoon. Just because someone doesn't agree with your opinion, it doesn't mean you're right and they are wrong. Just because your one year of teaching at a particular high school wasn't as you'd hoped, doesn't mean those students and its school, is bad. Let's face it. If you displayed behavior there, a tenth of the bitchy way you act at work, then it's no wonder your students were 'bad apples.' At any rate, agree to disagree and move on. Your being pissy over the fact that there were varying opinions against yours, is no better than a child throwing a temper tantrum. Get the fuck over yourself.

Sick of your damn attitude.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear world,

its 5:42 AM and I need to be up in 6 hours......why?

Why can't I ever sleep without having to be somewhere?

signed,

weary


----------



## BrownEyedChica

Dear Oracle,
Why oh why do you lag so much? I'm still trying to adjust to you and get the hang of you and you are just makings it impossible! Just like I try to be patient with you, please.... please be nice. 
Signed,
The Girl

Dear Blackberry,
I've never had a Blackberry before until I bought you. In 9 months, I've had to switch you out atleast 6 times. Finally I thought that my cell problems were over... but no... you are deciding to mess up again. Please play along like you should? Common, I chose you over the Iphone and the Droid, that has got to count for something seeing as almost nobody has a blackberry anymore!
Sincerely,
Just a little frustrated

Dear Me,
All it takes is time. That is all. Time. 
Sincerely,
BEC


----------



## EMH1701

Dear Friend,

I realize you feel the need to gain social acceptance by being a member of Weight Watchers since you are a large woman, but do you really need to evangelize it everywhere you go? Not all of us wish to waste our money on that. Also, you are over 60 and still not thin, and have been a Weight Watchers member for over 10 years. At some point, you are going to have to accept that you aren't going to ever be thin, and live your life accordingly without wasting money on diet products that do not work.


----------



## KHayes666

EMH1701 said:


> Dear Friend,
> 
> I realize you feel the need to gain social acceptance by being a member of Weight Watchers since you are a large woman, but do you really need to evangelize it everywhere you go? Not all of us wish to waste our money on that. Also, you are over 60 and still not thin, and have been a Weight Watchers member for over 10 years. At some point, you are going to have to accept that you aren't going to ever be thin, and live your life accordingly without wasting money on diet products that do not work.



Just because they are on weight watchers doesn't automatically mean they're going to lose weight. Maybe your friend has been maintaining her weight for 10 years so she doesn't get any bigger.

I understand the part about preaching though.


----------



## Donna

Dear Mother Nature;

I am putting you on notice since yesterday was the beginning of the Hurricane Season. Weathermen and NOAA are predicting a lighter than average season. I hope you got this memo. Nothing higher than tropical storm force to come ashore or near land...keep the big hurricanes way out to sea and away from boaters. Please and thank you.

Much love and respect, 
Worried Floridiot


----------



## thatgirl08

D, 

We needed that break. It has brought us closer than I realized was possible. I am more in love with you, but less painfully infatuated, and that's probably a good thing for both of us. I can tell that month made a difference for you too.. you're more respectful, more open, more forgiving. Our connection has never been so genuine as it is now. I cannot wait for all of the things we have planned to do together for this summer. I couldn't think of a better way to spend my time than hand in hand with you hiking, camping, vacationing, beaching, sight seeing. You are what I've been waiting for and nothing is going to make me give up on us right now.. nothing. Thank you for being everything I need.

<3R


----------



## EMH1701

KHayes666 said:


> Just because they are on weight watchers doesn't automatically mean they're going to lose weight. Maybe your friend has been maintaining her weight for 10 years so she doesn't get any bigger.
> 
> I understand the part about preaching though.



No, she's definitely trying to lose. And she really enjoys preaching. 

The irony is that whenever our Star Trek club gets together, I am the only one who brings healthy munchies. And I'm not trying to lose weight.


----------



## Micara

Dear Co-worker,

If you don't want people to reply to your emails, then you probably shouldn't send an email out to the entire office, then send a follow-up email telling people not to bother you with their responses. GAWD. And you wonder why no one likes you.

Also, it's not nice to assume that you are guaranteed the next promotion based entirely on seniority, especially when I am doing my entire job plus half of yours. Though you're probably right.

XOXO,
Me


----------



## kaylaisamachine

Dear love of my life, 

Where are you? I've been searching everyday. I'm right here!

Sincerely, 

Kayla


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Sister,

You know how much I love you....I tell you every day. For the love of all that's good and right PLEASE stop talking to me about your sex life. I know we have always talked about it before but Mike is Kerry's brother and it's just creepy! I'm glad you've found happiness and all, but talking about my late husband's brother's schlong is just gross!!!

Ew and stuff,

Melanie


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear Melanie's sister,

Nobody wants to hear about their brother-in-law's penis.

DP

Dear self,

Make a list next time. Apparently three things is too much for you to remember at Lowe's.

DP


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Tracy- 
Thanks for being there for me, for being a fantastic sister, and for being the person I can confide in without concern about whether or not you will share info with others. You always make me feel welcome and that means a lot to me...more than you will ever know. We don't always get along, but we always try to treat one another with respect. Tell Willy he ROCKS for making my ramp! I love you bunches. 
Terri
p.s. Please stop smoking. 

Dear Susan
Thanks for getting back in touch with me. I was worried about you and now I'm happy that you are well. 
Love you, 
Terri

Dear Bill
You are such a great guy. Thank for all the chats--sometimes they are the best highlight of my days.
Hugs,Terri.


----------



## CAMellie

Diana_Prince245 said:


> Dear Melanie's sister,
> 
> Nobody wants to hear about their brother-in-law's penis.
> 
> DP



Dear DP,

A-frickin'-men to that!!

Couldn't agree more,

Melanie


----------



## bigpapi4u

dear iphone 4s just wanted to say you are the best phone i ever had thank you


----------



## Mishty

Dear Manic Monday,

You almost had me,alllllmost had me, except I'm just brushing off this chip on my shoulder and throwing a big fuck you out there,wherever it may land is where it can stay. 

done,
M

P.S. And if you give me tuna for lunch Monday I'll forget you ever existed. Truth.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Monday,

My...my...my music hits me....so hard
makes me say Oh My Lord
Thank you...for blessing me
With a mind to rhyme and two hype feet


Signed,

TRP


----------



## kaylaisamachine

Dear headache, 

If you're going to stay, then stay, but for the love of God, please stop coming and going as you choose. 

Sincerely, 
My head.


----------



## WhiteHotRazor

Dear Dinah Washington,

You're completely right,what a difference a day makes.

Sincerely,

John F Kennedy


----------



## Scorsese86

Dear ex,

You dumped over the phone about 1 1/2 month ago. You needed some time to think, you needed to sort out some things and I respect that. And yesterday you went into a relationship with another guy??? What the f***?

No longer yours,
Ivan


----------



## WVMountainrear

Scorsese86 said:


> Dear ex,
> 
> You dumped over the phone about 1 1/2 month ago. You needed some time to think, you needed to sort out some things and I respect that. And yesterday you went into a relationship with another guy??? What the f***?
> 
> No longer yours,
> Ivan



Oh, Ivan...I'm so sorry. That's a shitty, juvenile way for anyone to behave especially toward someone they once professed to love. Hang in there, sweetie. Happiness will find you again.

Hugs,
Cheryl


----------



## Cors

Scorsese86 said:


> Dear ex,
> 
> You dumped over the phone about 1 1/2 month ago. You needed some time to think, you needed to sort out some things and I respect that. And yesterday you went into a relationship with another guy??? What the f***?
> 
> No longer yours,
> Ivan



Ouch, so sorry to hear. Things like that do happen - please don't beat yourself up for it. Take care!


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear guy trying to join my Magic group,

Insulting my guy friends will not make me go out with you. I love them (in a platonic way). You? You I just met.

DP


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Dad,

I love you sooooo much and am soooo proud to call you my Dad/father. You are an amazing man and have taught me so much! I hope you have the most amazing Father's Day and so much more. God bless you always!! :wubu::happy:

All my Love,
Your Daughter


----------



## KHayes666

Diana_Prince245 said:


> Dear guy trying to join my Magic group,
> 
> Insulting my guy friends will not make me go out with you. I love them (in a platonic way). You? You I just met.
> 
> DP



White knighting in a Magic forum? Now I've seen everything


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Guy I had lunch with

You know I wasn't interested in you, however instead of the speil about lets meet again soon and such you could have just said nice to meet you. Grow some balls sending someone a message via dating site to say your not interested is childish and tacky.

Signed

ever so glad my first impression was right and I dont have to waste another thought on you


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Dear former roommate:

I know you're angry at my other roommate over... Something. I don't really know or care what.

But there are much more intelligent and mature ways you could have expressed your anger than leaving voicemails threatening to murder everyone in our house.

Thanks in advance for not doing that again.

-- T.G.Y.M.O.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear karma,

No no NO! You're supposed to work FOR the good guys, not against them. She was a spoiled rich bitch her entire life until she met my friend. My friend is working class like me and she couldn't take it without the silver spoon. So what did you do, after they divorce she gets thrown on the streets while my friend has a better life with a woman that actually cares about him and not money?

Nope

Not even a month after they divorce she's engaged to a rich doctor and now they live on a beach in Miami meanwhile my friend is hopping from couch to couch because he can't afford to pay rent anywhere.....what the hell?

Signed,

Unsatisfied customer


----------



## Diana_Prince245

KHayes666 said:


> White knighting in a Magic forum? Now I've seen everything



Why would geeks act any differently from other guys? There are white knights everywhere, and they annoy me.


----------



## WhiteHotRazor

Dear Bill Mahr,

Fuck off you smug ostentatious prick I hope someone fists you with an aids bracelet on. 

Love,
Mom


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Dickhead--

Did you really think that I wasn't fully aware that the ONLY reason that you msg'd me was to get me to talk my friend into letting you use her timeshare? REALLY? 
You msg me out of the blue after MONTHS of not talking to one another and start with general chitchat and progress to the "ask your friend" bullshit, only to end with "I've got some errands to run" soon after I told you no. I'd say that you've got some big brass balls but it takes a man to have them...and since we both know that you aren't one...voila! Ladies, make sure you get a tetanus shot with this one cos and he's a RUSTY TOOL.


----------



## SMA413

Dear life-
The last few weeks have been rough. I'm waiting for it to turn around. I'm just so thankful for my amazing group of friends. Such a phenomenal support group. But if you could pick things up a little quicker, I'd appreciate it immensely. 
Love, 
Me


----------



## thatgirl08

S,

It's okay to say no, it's okay to do nothing once in awhile, it's okay to stand up for yourself, it's okay to focus on what you want, it's okay to not be filtering through obligation after obligation for once. Breathe, smile, and enjoy the peace & quiet.

- R.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Bird Outside That Will Not Stop Tweeting (more like squawking),

Shut it already!! Do you have OCD or something?!? 

Sincerely,
Going-To-Ask-My-New-Cat-Friend-To-Come-Get-You


----------



## Surlysomething

WhiteHotRazor said:


> Dear Bill Mahr,
> 
> Fuck off you smug ostentatious prick I hope someone fists you with an aids bracelet on.
> 
> Love,
> Mom


 

I loooooooove Bill Maher. (even though he doesn't like fatties). The man speaks what I feel. Mind you, i'm not American. Haha.

BURNABY


----------



## Surlysomething

thatgirl08 said:


> S,
> 
> It's okay to say no, it's okay to do nothing once in awhile, it's okay to stand up for yourself, it's okay to focus on what you want, it's okay to not be filtering through obligation after obligation for once. Breathe, smile, and enjoy the peace & quiet.
> 
> - R.


 

Exactly!! :bow:


----------



## Lovelyone

KHayes666 said:


> Dear karma,
> 
> *snipped*
> Not even a month after they divorce she's engaged to a rich doctor and now they live on a beach in Miami meanwhile my friend is hopping from couch to couch because he can't afford to pay rent anywhere.....what the hell?
> 
> Signed,
> 
> Unsatisfied customer



Maybe Karma IS working behind the scenes. When she's married again your friend wont have to pay her alimony. Most quickie engagements/Marriages don't last and she'll be out on her ass again looking for her next handout. Just wait...karma loves to take her time doing what's necessary so that she can get you when you least suspect it.


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear Tubby Man,
(Though I probably shouldn't call you that, cos you'd like that)
I didn't want to put our friendship to the test, but the fact that you've failed to notice I've not been speaking to you for three weeks probably says it all. It saddens me that you can't go a conversation without mentioning your weight / the fetish, if only to expect appreciation for NOT talking about it. If you don't want to be with me, don't want my love and were quite happy to break my heart when I travelled 5000 miles to visit you, why would I want to have cyber sex with you?? 

Friendship for me at least is about REALLY talking, sharing stuff and not flitting in and out of someone's life when you're bored. You say you're so busy and have so many emails in your inbox and that's why my emails went unanswered for 6 weeks...Maybe one of these MORE IMPORTANT friends who are so much more worthy of your time will indulge you in your fetish and put up with such erratic, inconsiderate behaviour. Tho' I doubt it somehow!

I guess there is a tiny piece of my heart that still cares - it's pretty much two years today since that day we went out for lunch just across from where I'm sitting now and since we kissed the first time. But just as today's weather is the complete opposite of that day, so is everything else and the sharp pain I expected to feel thinking about it isn't there. Your indifference and the fact that you would insult my intelligence in this way makes it SO much easier to walk away.

I may never know what all this was about, but I hope you find what you are looking for and are happy one day. I'm feeling better already.

M


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Librarygirl said:


> Dear Tubby Man,
> (Though I probably shouldn't call you that, cos you'd like that)
> I didn't want to put our friendship to the test, but the fact that you've failed to notice I've not been speaking to you for three weeks probably says it all. It saddens me that you can't go a conversation without mentioning your weight / the fetish, if only to expect appreciation for NOT talking about it. If you don't want to be with me, don't want my love and were quite happy to break my heart when I travelled 5000 miles to visit you, why would I want to have cyber sex with you??
> 
> Friendship for me at least is about REALLY talking, sharing stuff and not flitting in and out of someone's life when you're bored. You say you're so busy and have so many emails in your inbox and that's why my emails went unanswered for 6 weeks...Maybe one of these MORE IMPORTANT friends who are so much more worthy of your time will indulge you in your fetish and put up with such erratic, inconsiderate behaviour. Tho' I doubt it somehow!
> 
> I guess there is a tiny piece of my heart that still cares - it's pretty much two years today since that day we went out for lunch just across from where I'm sitting now and since we kissed the first time. But just as today's weather is the complete opposite of that day, so is everything else and the sharp pain I expected to feel thinking about it isn't there. Your indifference and the fact that you would insult my intelligence in this way makes it SO much easier to walk away.
> 
> I may never know what all this was about, but I hope you find what you are looking for and are happy one day. I'm feeling better already.
> 
> M



Dear tubby man!
You don't let someone go who has travelled 5000 miles for you. 
You are dumb. 

Lovesies,

Hozay


----------



## spiritangel

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Dear tubby man!
> You don't let someone go who has travelled 5000 miles for you.
> You are dumb.
> 
> Lovesies,
> 
> Hozay



I agree and certainly not in such a douchey way


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Kitty-Kitty
Please don't use me as a trampoline/scratching while I am sleeping. A gentle nudge with your nose would wake me up better than you jumping on my head.

oh, and btw you are too little to try to push the likes of me off of the bed with your legs...so stop trying. Its MY bed and not yours.

Smooches,
Your mommy


----------



## AuntHen

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Dear tubby man!
> You don't let someone go who has travelled 5000 miles for you.
> You are dumb.
> 
> Lovesies,
> 
> Hozay





Amen! You deserve rep when I can give it to you AGAIN!!


----------



## Librarygirl

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Dear tubby man!
> You don't let someone go who has travelled 5000 miles for you.
> You are dumb.
> 
> Lovesies,
> 
> Hozay



I too am all out of rep for you, but wanted to thank you! You are the best!
And I'm pretty relieved anyone could be bothered to read all my outpourings....It really did help to get all that out there!

And thank you to everyone else who has either posted or repped me about this. I had a few moments of feeling really sad about it all this week, but I think I know in truth I am better off moving on and not even remaining friends with someone who cares so little.

Onwards and upwards!


----------



## LeoGibson

Librarygirl said:


> I too am all out of rep for you, but wanted to thank you! You are the best!
> And I'm pretty relieved anyone could be bothered to read all my outpourings....It really did help to get all that out there!
> 
> And thank you to everyone else who has either posted or repped me about this. I had a few moments of feeling really sad about it all this week, but I think I know in truth I am better off moving on and not even remaining friends with someone who cares so little.
> 
> Onwards and upwards!



His ultimate loss will be another fella's infinite gain! :happy:


----------



## thatgirl08

Surlysomething said:


> Exactly!! :bow:



You're a doll<3


----------



## CastingPearls

F,

I sat on the deck under a bower of trees drinking a glass of the port that I had bought for you and I to enjoy when you arrived. I shed a few traitorous tears and my grandmother came to the screen door and asked me what I was doing, as the sun was going down and she could hardly see or hear me cursing you and your silence. I tried to make light of it, but loudly because she's hard of hearing, and a lone doe walked out of the woods and walked over to me and stood at a very close distance.

I had wanted to show you the deer and bear and so much. I thanked the deer for her appearance and as she walked off and I toasted your future success and happiness and a last goodbye. I don't blame the friends who remain friends with you because of your brilliance and charm. But I do hold you responsible for not being the person I thought you were for not saying goodbye. Even a 'fuck you' would have made me respect you more than the cowardly way you exited my life. I also think it's ironic yet fitting that it was a deer, considering the name of your band. I kept myself from calling you out publicly on your cowardice but this part, I couldn't because I'm only human and my kindness and love should never be mistaken for being anything less than that. I deserved better and you know it, Sparky. 

Still, I do wish you love, I wish you health, I wish you well and will always be your friend. In spite of it all. 

L


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Lainey,

I read your latest blog... it made me cry, AGAIN! Ohhh how I love your writing and you dear lady! :wubu:

B


Dear Lainey's F,

It is none of my business and I hope Lainey does not get mad at me for saying this but be a man and at least give her closure! You can't even muster a "goodbye"?!? Are you afraid if you talk to her again you will never want to say goodbye? I prayed last night that you would be a *man *and at least give her that much... can't you just for one moment put yourself in her shoes and think how *you *would feel if someone did that to you? I hope so. I truly hope so. 

Sincerely,
Saddened By This Behaviour


----------



## Saoirse

my dear friend Samurai,

why have you dropped off the planet again? and why does it seem that you are ignoring me and D? we love you and want to know that you are ok, but you cant seem to answer the phone or respond to texts. what the hell happened? weeks ago, you were so happy to hang out and talk. i know you're around cause other friends have said theyve seen you in the past few weeks, but you seem to want nothing to do with me or D and its very upsetting, especially since we went to visit you in the hospital and you said it made you so happy. i saw that smile. 

and i went back to the old house with D to do some cleaning up and a bunch of your stuff was still there, including the dreamcatcher I made for you. do you not want it anymore? i was so happy when i saw it hanging in your bedroom after i gave it to you. seeing it STILL hanging there, long after everyones moved out... that hurts. i worked hard on that and put a lot of love and happiness into it. when i saw it hanging there, i couldnt help but cry.

so i took it and its still in my jeep. i dont know if i should hang it in my room, drop it off at your parents' house for you or just fucking burn it. you've really hurt me, samurai and the worst part is not knowing why.


----------



## Micara

Dear Dad,

When I called you up and asked you where to get a certain part for my A/C, I did not need a 2 minute diatribe about how I'm doing it WRONG, that the two different repairmen I've had come out are WRONG, how you know what's wrong with it but you haven't even come over to look, and you certainly won't come over to help me. I've got it. I'm WRONG WRONG WRONG and you are RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT. Like always.

Thanks for nothing,
Me


----------



## Mishty

Dear Rain,

Come today & take this terrible dry allergy headache away.

Please.

*please. *

-Hurtin' in Dry-ass Alabama


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear _It only hurts when I laugh_ show on trutV--


Oh, how you make me laugh. I love you!! You affirm to me that there are idiots in every family and not just mine. I feel terrible for laughing at another person's misfortune but when you stand on a table and dance...something funny is bound to happen.
Blessed is the man who puts a video camera in the hands of a fool.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear SSBBWChan nerds,

You gave me "6 months tops" when I announced my engagement June 30th, 2011. Its been exactly a year and we celebrated by renting a cabin by the lake for her birthday and to celebrate our anniversary. Pics to follow when I get home from work.

6 months tops is probably 5 months and 29 days more than most of you have ever been in a real relationship, choke on it.

Signed,

The reflection of perfection.


----------



## penguin

Dear stomach,

Whatever is going on in there, please stop. I do not enjoy the cramps you've been giving me, and I do not enjoy the vomiting. I greatly dislike it and I just want to feel better again. Please be nice to me and get better fast.


----------



## BrownEyedChica

Dear guy who did a 360, 

I did notice the change in you from the get go, but puh-lease... don't be a coward and answer the stupid text.

Thank you,
confused out of my mind


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear M.

Let it go...it isn't worth the angst or trouble of worrying about it.
Don't stop being considerate and having concern for others. There isn't anything wrong with human decency (even if you feel disappointment cos they don't have the same for you). Don't stop loving them even if you feel they don't have an ounce of love for you. That's what makes you a better person. 

I know that it's hard not to feel bitter about what's happened in the past and how people treat you in the present. I can only imagine how especially difficult it can be for you when you recall all that you have done for them--seemingly only to be slapped in the face with abandonment now that you are the one who is seeking help and consideration. It's not that they don't remember...they are just selfish people and don't care. Don't regret what you've done and how you feel. Don't regret loving them cos maybe it will touch one of them someday and they can pay it forward without even knowing it was started with you. All of those things made you who you are today. Just remember that the one person it matters to--has noticed and that makes all the difference. 

You will find what you are seeking...it just won't be with them.

Terri


----------



## AuntHen

Dear little G,

Happy 5th Birthday sweetie pie!! :wubu::happy:

Love, Aunt B


----------



## Librarygirl

Lovelyone said:


> Dear M.
> 
> Let it go...it isn't worth the angst or trouble of worrying about it.
> Don't stop being considerate and having concern for others. There isn't anything wrong with human decency (even if you feel disappointment cos they don't have the same for you). Don't stop loving them even if you feel they don't have an ounce of love for you. That's what makes you a better person.
> 
> You will find what you are seeking...it just won't be with them.
> 
> Terri



Wise words! It is truly a mystery to me that people can lack basic empathy, manners etc., but if you are an empathetic, kind person, understanding such people is probably not worth trying and perhaps not even possible. That's why trying to explain your thoughts and feelings to some people just doesn't work. You just get to a point where you realise that you are on different pages and you have to give up on a dream, because it is just that. However much you want to make someone happy, if they can't even be bothered / are incapable of considering your feelings / wanting to make you happy, things will never work, as one person is making all the effort. We ALL deserve bettter than that!


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Dear friends of my business partner who hang out at our art studio all day:

Which one of your freeloading bastards got crumbs all over my keyboard, then dropped a piece of bologna on my Wacom and left it there? For the fucking sake of all fucks, my fucking desk is not a fucking sandwich prep table. Fucking hell.

Sincerely,

T.G.Y.M.O.

*Edit: *Also, you ate my entire pack of bacon. I only got 4 strips. 

I wanted that bacon.

I loved that bacon.


----------



## Jeeshcristina

Dear Dad,

You are my hero, and the single most important person in my life. When I look back at everything you've done for me, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. You taught me to love and respect myself, to be able to laugh at myself, to live life even if it involves a risk, and to have dessert first. You can always count on me.

Always,

Your daughter.


----------



## Lovelyone

Hey you-

You know, we became friends more than 9 years go. I liked you and wanted to know you better. I wanted you to like me, too. We became great friends, but I wanted more. Things never worked out for us cos one or the other of us was always involved with someone else.

Three years ago I was madly deeply in love with you. You didn't notice because you were too busy trying to keep up with the Joneses and/or living your life vicariously through others. You were so busy trying to convince everyone that you were doing better in life than you really were...that you didn't realize that you had someone who loved you just as you are. It didn't matter to me that you weren't rich--I would have lived in a cardboard box with you (and been happy with that) if for one minute you showed me that you cared the same way that I did.

Two years ago I still loved you. I asked you if you wanted to go to Vegas with me for vacation but my mother died the week beforehand. You told me that you didn't want to go on vacation with me to Vegas because, "I would be crying and it would ruin your vacation". I should have told you to go to hell...but instead I convinced you to go. Not once did I cry in front of you. I cried in the shower every morning and every night. I cried when you left the building for your walks, and I cried while laying in the bed next to you while you were sleeping--but I wanted YOU to enjoy YOUR vacation...so not once did you ever know that I had been crying. My heart was breaking and I could have used someone to comfort me in my sorrow. I desperately wanted that to be you but I didn't realize then that you didn't have the capacity to love two people at the same time and since you already loved yourself so very much...

One year ago I still loved you but I decided that waiting for you to come to your senses and love me in return was like trying to nail jello to a tree. It just wasn't going to work. After several arguments with you about our "friendship" and telling you how the toll of loving someone who isn't capable of giving it in return has worn me down...I came to my senses and cut off all contact with you so that I could get over you. You couldn't be happy with that. You couldn't be happy with me moving on and not pining over you day in and day out. So you came back into my life again after ten months of not talking to one another. 

You are back to your old tricks. You sweet talk me, talk about visiting (even though we both know that you never will). You say all the right things at all the right times and do nothing to back up what you say. You have no intention of fulfilling your promises. You don't really want me and it seems as though you don't want anyone ELSE to have me either. You won't admit that you care for me but get jealous as hell if I mention any other man. I want you to be happy. I want you to find that elusive thing that you are missing in your life. That's what you do for someone whom you love--you want the best for them even if it is not you. I know that you love me, not the way that I wanted you to love me but you do love me...and I think that you want the best for me, too. So I am asking you--please for MY sake...just leave me be. Let me go on to love someone else who WANTS that love. Please.


----------



## ODFFA

Dear fellow - yet exceedingly more uptight - christian,

You know Song of Songs? It should be in your bible too... Yes, that's the one. You might want to actually give that a read sometime. 

Sincerely,
OD


----------



## KittyKitten

The cliquish nature of a message board (no names):

Popular poster titles thread, "What's your bra size?"

Posters respond:

"42F"
"38DD"
"40J"
"44C"

Some lady throws in a picture sporting a fancy Vicky Secrets bra

"Hehe.... giggle giggle..._snort_"

Noob/Unpopular poster titles thread, "What's your bra size?"

"zOMG..how dare you objectify women like this?"

"I'm more than my bra size!!!!!!"

Cliquish FA chimes in "Hey buddy, have some respect."


----------



## Mishty

_R.R,_


You are dangerous to my body and lets be honest,my mind as well. 

So can you stop touching my hair? Why you're at it,can you refrain from sniffing it too? As a matter of fact stop touching me at all until I've built up a defense toward your accent and those fucking winking dimples. 


Thanks ever so much,

*M*


P.S. You might want to stop dressing like an Irish street thug if you don't want me to molest you while we play poker.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear you know who,

This whole disappearing for a while and coming back is not for me. I don't care how good looking you are. I am never a sure thing unless you convince me. Women have the option to change our minds at any time and I have mastered the technique

Fixing to bail,

Melissa


----------



## seavixen

Dear someone-from-15-years-ago,

As bizarre as it is, I still think about you sometimes. I remember you like you were then, half my life ago, and it's sort of like being stabbed - that intensity, your intelligence, your strength. I guess everything is better in hindsight.

j


----------



## kaylaisamachine

Dear Fake Zombies,

You are truly starting to freak me out with your biting frenzies. Granted, they aren't anywhere close to California, you're all either in Florida or somewhere being crazy on the east coast. Regardless, QUIT BITING PEOPLE. I don't want to have to put my escape plan into action. I'm ready for this apocalypse if need be. I'd just rather not. 

Sincerely, 

Not a tasty human


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Kittcat--I'm happy that you decided to come home, but in the future could you please not scare me by disappearing for 5 days(probably tomcatting and getting your kitty groove on) during the hottest part of the year? I really was concerned that you were dead. 
ty, mommy

Dear Sue,
No one ever tells you but it is long over due. YOU ROCK AS A BEST FRIEND! YOU ARE MY FAVORITE "SISTER" and always will be! I will always be there for you when you need me (even though it seems I am the one who always needs rescuing). Who woulda thunk that oh so long ago we would find one another? We are so different but so similar. I am so eclectic and opinionated and you are so well-grounded and cool. How in the hell did we end up such good friends? 
When I win the lottery we are leaving everything behind ('cept our pet babies), traveling the country in a custom tour bus (well stocked with chocolate,cheetos, and pet treats), buying clothing and shoes along the way, eating at all the "Diners Drive-ins and Dives" that Guy Fieri recommends, and watching all of the movies that we never had time to watch because of how busy our lives were. How about we go see the world's greatest oddities...like the worlds largest ball of twine and the house that is shaped like the little old lady who lived in a shoe? Why not? I want you to show me the ocean by where you live. It sounds lovely on the phone with the waves crashing and the seagulls gulling (or whatever they do). It sounds very picturesque and I've never seen the ocean so its something I can cross off of my bucket list (and maybe somewhere close to there I can feed a pelican and check that off,too). 
We will be having high tea at that hotel that always wanted to visit, and spending time in Lake Louise for a week or two or five. My treat! Sound good?  It is too much to wish for topless men feeding us peeled grapes and fanning us with ostrich feathers on a deserted island? Oh well--a girl can dream can't she?
Love ya, Terri


----------



## Surlysomething

Dear summer cold,

F.O.

Sincerely,
Sleepy, sniffly girl


----------



## Micara

Dear whoever is making all of that racket outside,

SHUT THE HELL UP!

Thanks.
M


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Katy Perry,

I never thought it would happen but oooo girl! You have a new fan! 

Me


----------



## Yakatori

^just thinking the same thing about Russell Brand. I was never really into his stand-up or movies. But his new show is pretty good.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Vanishing Men,

YOU HAVE BLOWN YOUR CHANCE! The door is shut as you yourselves were the ones to shut it by the cowardly act of vanishing without a word. Don't turn up 6,12 or even 24months later and blame me because of my beauty, nature or whatever other lame comments (sorry I will never be nieve enough to believe a word you say). Here is a tip Appologise at the very least! Do not blame someone else for your cowardly behaviour. Seriously it will just encourage my inner bitch and believe me while I know most people do not bring out that side of me I have one and she is not very nice, brutally honest and likely to shoot you down in flames. Mind you not that many of you would notice your to busy making excuses for your crappy behaviour!
Here is a tip if you have vanished from my life (with a few exceptions such as good friends from the past and even rarer yet family) then stay gone I don't want you back. You chose to remove yourself from my life. I have learnt to live my life without your friendship. Deal with it!

Vanishing is gutless and cowardly and I am sick of Men (I am sure there are probably women who pull the same crap) vanishing and leaving gapping black holes in my and my friends life. You don't get a second chance sorry. I am done. The door is slammed shut

You are the weakest link

GOODBYE

Really annoyed at ghosts from the past who expect to pick up where they left off.


----------



## LeoGibson

Yakatori said:


> ^just thinking the same thing about Russell Brand. I was never really into his stand-up or movies. But his new show is pretty good.



IC that for some odd reason I can't quite pin my finger on, I read all of your posts in the voice of Jeff Goldblum.


----------



## ODFFA

Dear TC,

I'll try to keep this short. You know most of this anyway, but I find myself feeling the need to express it again.

You're a brother to me in the most genuine sense of the word, albeit non-biological. Thank you for saying that you were worried about me all those years ago. That was really sweet and not without good cause! It's scary to think how little resemblance there is between who I was then & who I am now.

Who knew that I would one day be able to talk to this scrawny, small town geek about absolutely anything and everything  & that you would inspire me to start actually living for real. 

I honestly hope you win J's heart soon! My poem and advice is very much at your disposal, for whatever they're worth. Go for it, bro - you deserve crazy happiness!

From a very grateful 'little sis'


----------



## mimosa

My name is Mimosa and I approve this message. :bow:
You are correct; Some women can be the same way. Being an asshole has nothing to do with gender. I have felt the same way you have. You are a wonderful, beautiful person. You deserve a lot better. Blessings!





spiritangel said:


> Dear Vanishing Men,
> 
> YOU HAVE BLOWN YOUR CHANCE! The door is shut as you yourselves were the ones to shut it by the cowardly act of vanishing without a word. Don't turn up 6,12 or even 24months later and blame me because of my beauty, nature or whatever other lame comments (sorry I will never be nieve enough to believe a word you say). Here is a tip Appologise at the very least! Do not blame someone else for your cowardly behaviour. Seriously it will just encourage my inner bitch and believe me while I know most people do not bring out that side of me I have one and she is not very nice, brutally honest and likely to shoot you down in flames. Mind you not that many of you would notice your to busy making excuses for your crappy behaviour!
> Here is a tip if you have vanished from my life (with a few exceptions such as good friends from the past and even rarer yet family) then stay gone I don't want you back. You chose to remove yourself from my life. I have learnt to live my life without your friendship. Deal with it!
> 
> Vanishing is gutless and cowardly and I am sick of Men (I am sure there are probably women who pull the same crap) vanishing and leaving gapping black holes in my and my friends life. You don't get a second chance sorry. I am done. The door is slammed shut
> 
> You are the weakest link
> 
> GOODBYE
> 
> Really annoyed at ghosts from the past who expect to pick up where they left off.


----------



## mimosa

fat9276 said:


> Dear Katy Perry,
> 
> I never thought it would happen but oooo girl! You have a new fan!
> 
> Me


*
Me too. Especially after this video where she punches Prince Charming in the face!:bow:

http://youtu.be/k0BWlvnBmIE*


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Mother Nature-
Thank you so very much for the refreshing downpour and soaking that you gave us today. It was long overdue with the drought we've been suffering and much appreciated.


----------



## KHayes666

KittyKitten said:


> The cliquish nature of a message board (no names):
> 
> Popular poster titles thread, "What's your bra size?"
> 
> Posters respond:
> 
> "42F"
> "38DD"
> "40J"
> "44C"
> 
> Some lady throws in a picture sporting a fancy Vicky Secrets bra
> 
> "Hehe.... giggle giggle..._snort_"
> 
> Noob/Unpopular poster titles thread, "What's your bra size?"
> 
> "zOMG..how dare you objectify women like this?"
> 
> "I'm more than my bra size!!!!!!"
> 
> *Cliquish FA chimes in "Hey buddy, have some respect."*
> 
> 
> 
> Its 95% most likely that the cliquish FA is jerking off to the same women he's trying to bully the other guys not to.
Click to expand...


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Dear you, 

Just because you start a thread does not mean it belongs to you. It's not necessary to respond to EVERY fucking person that posts on a thread you started, you know, unless the thread is about you. 

Not that it really matters, you can do what you want, we all can here as long as we're following board rules. Seriously though, you don't need to respond to EVERY post.


----------



## Surlysomething

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Dear you,
> 
> Just because you start a thread does not mean it belongs to you. It's not necessary to respond to EVERY fucking person that posts on a thread you started, you know, unless the thread is about you.
> 
> Not that it really matters, you can do what you want, we all can here as long as we're following board rules. Seriously though, you don't need to respond to EVERY post.



Are you Canadian? Because you ROCK.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear friend-
Did you know that "BRB" stands for "I'll be right back"? Just wondering cos you said "BRB" during our conversation last night and did not come back (although I noticed that you were on face book. Not cool, dude.


----------



## kaylaisamachine

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Dear you,
> 
> Just because you start a thread does not mean it belongs to you. It's not necessary to respond to EVERY fucking person that posts on a thread you started, you know, unless the thread is about you.
> 
> Not that it really matters, you can do what you want, we all can here as long as we're following board rules. Seriously though, you don't need to respond to EVERY post.



I'm pretty much guilty of this. I don't respond to EVERY post, but.. heh.


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

kaylaisamachine said:


> I'm pretty much guilty of this. I don't respond to EVERY post, but.. heh.



You don't count, you're cute and everyone likes you.


----------



## kaylaisamachine

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> You don't count, you're cute and everyone likes you.



Hahaha :wubu: Thanks Hozay. <3 

Dear courthouse, 

Please don't keep me. I assure you, for whatever the case will be about, you don't want me in your jury today. I am sore and I really just want to stay home, put up my feet, and watch Once Upon A Time all day. 

Sincerely, 

Teenage Juror


----------



## Mishty

Dear Bitch,

Don't pop up out of the blue with your problems and sweet words. I'm not interested. Yes I've moved on,and no I'm not seeing anyone.

eff off already,my heart can't handle this shit. Not right now...just...go.


-M


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Dumbass from High School,

I hated you..and vice versa. Why would you send me a request on facebook? We almost had a physical fight even...you're just trying to be nosey and I'm not havin' it. Stupid bitch

Fuck off


----------



## Saoirse

largenlovely said:


> Dear Dumbass from High School,
> 
> I hated you..and vice versa. Why would you send me a request on facebook? We almost had a physical fight even...you're just trying to be nosey and I'm not havin' it. Stupid bitch
> 
> Fuck off



ah I fucking HATED that. People I never talked to in school, trying to get all up in my shit. I dont care about your life, stop pretending you care about mine!


----------



## largenlovely

Saoirse said:


> ah I fucking HATED that. People I never talked to in school, trying to get all up in my shit. I dont care about your life, stop pretending you care about mine!



Exactly...I have never cared to investigate people's lives that I hate(d)..so I have no idea why she would wanna know what's going on with me. I would rather surround myself with people I like and I know like me. Plus, now she has to deal with being full on rejected...but it's her own stupid fault. People baffle me lol


----------



## Micara

Dear Sleep,

Please visit me tonight. I haven't seen you in awhile and I miss you.

Love,
M


----------



## ODFFA

Dear Madiba,

Sooo, you're 94 today eh? Wow! I'm so glad you're still around. I know you won't stick around forever and I don't exactly blame you, but the world without you will certainly be a poorer one.

'94 was the year you ultimately succeeded in making SA a better place for me to grow up in - for all of us. You helped get us there mostly unscathed, no civil war, just a richer cultural heritage. That really is amazing.

Thank you for never going down quietly. In earning your own freedom, you've also earned mine :happy:

-OD


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Past-Student,

Thank you for the sweet emails and hugs (when I saw you at the mall with your Mom). You make my heart swell with joy about having been a teacher and someone that touched your life. The truth is, YOU touched mine and taught me more than I could have ever taught you. I will always remember you! :happy:

May God bless you always little lady!:wubu:

Ms. M


----------



## Jon Blaze

Dear you,

Look. I was apprehensive about this whole trip idea. I mean, we could have met each other eventually as friends. But I was optimistic about more, and you weren't sure. 
I respect that you feel I'm not right for you, but you are really testing my anger. You've already judged me harshly for being Christian when I totally respected you for not having similar views. If that would have caused a major issue with us as potential mates, you should have said something. I pushed this back for so many years in part because I know we have differing views on things. I was willing to compromise, but you aren't. 

It is not ok for you to flash me two days after you turned me down. Whether it was meant to be funny or not. It just isn't. I'm going through hard times, and you are just making it so much harder. I'm distancing myself from you because I got attached, and now I have to fight through a failure again.


----------



## WhiteHotRazor

Dear Holographic Tupac,

Not too much has changed,they still have money for wars but can't feed the poor but damn they're really making the ice cream cartons smaller these days.

Peace,
WHR


----------



## JerseyGirl07093

WhiteHotRazor said:


> Dear Holographic Tupac,
> 
> Not too much has changed,they still have money for wars but can't feed the poor but damn they're really making the ice cream cartons smaller these days.
> 
> Peace,
> WHR



I imagine this as if you're writing in a journal but instead of "Dear Diary" it's "Dear Holographic Tupac". 

Dear Holographic Tupac,
Today the cute boy in English class smiled at me. He's so cute and I know we'd be great together but he has that slutty girlfriend. Bummer!
Oh, and Mom is being such a bitch about me not cleaning my room. I can't stand her sometimes!
I know you'll listen to me and always understand Holographic Tupac. 
P.S. I'm totally gonna fail that math test tomorrow. 

Or...maybe I'm just loopy because I haven't been to bed yet! :huh:


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Edit: Never mind.


----------



## supersizebbw

Dear man who i met in the club,

Why oh why, did you spend hours talking to me and getting to know me, buy me drinks, whisper sweet nothings in my ear....then conclude by asking me for my number and telling me you'd call me? It's been two weeks and still you haven't called.

Thanks for wasting my time and making me feel like you had feelings for me when really you didn't. 

What i hate most is that somehow you still linger in my mind...i hope i'll have the balls to tell you to f*ck off if you ever do call


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Driving Me Batshit Crazy,

If I didn't answer the first two times you called, what makes you think I'm gonna answer the third. Either A) I don't feel like talking or B) I don't feel like talking to you. 

In either case, it doesn't warrant three fucking phone calls. It just makes me that more irritated.

Give me some space for God's sake.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear skippitybobbity doo,

Dr Ogeggitygeggitybaba says what up this is the way of life from the heart land of America.

Oh and I forgot to say that when I woke up last night he *GADDDZOOKS!!!!!!* went back home and opened up a can of beans.

Also I forgot to mention that tomorrow *KONICHIWA!* night we're having a poker game and you're invited.

Signed,

William P Harrison


----------



## Surlysomething

KHayes666 said:


> Dear skippitybobbity doo,
> 
> Dr Ogeggitygeggitybaba says what up this is the way of life from the heart land of America.
> 
> Oh and I forgot to say that when I woke up last night he *GADDDZOOKS!!!!!!* went back home and opened up a can of beans.
> 
> Also I forgot to mention that tomorrow *KONICHIWA!* night we're having a poker game and you're invited.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> William P Harrison


 
That makes so sense at all to me. Haha.


----------



## WhiteHotRazor

Dear Pabst Blue Ribbon,

In a hipster game of kickball you always get picked first but in my game you're sitting the bench bitch. You and your buddy Tacobell have ruined way too many innings.

WHR


----------



## Surlysomething

WhiteHotRazor said:


> Dear Pabst Blue Ribbon,
> 
> In a hipster game of kickball you always get picked first but in my game you're sitting the bench bitch. You and your buddy Tacobell have ruined way too many innings.
> 
> WHR


 

Just sayin' - Granville Island


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear unhappy man I loved, but who didn't feel the same,
I was a bit puzzled that you wrote after all this time. It's like you reset the clock and erase the past each time and seem to have forgotten things that have been felt and said. You were pretty unpleasant when I was upset and talked about how I felt. You ignored my messages when I had stuff going on in my life. And yet now you seem to want me to be your agony aunt / online sexy chat service. You could at least try a little harder to pretend you care.

It makes me so sad that you are having problems and are unhappy, but can you not see how unfair it is to expect my sympathy for your being alone and having no one to share your life and your fetish with? How can you burden me with that, when I would have loved to have given you everything you professed to want and tried to make you happy at the expense of my own happiness? You didn't have to be alone, but you chose that when you rejected me, physically and emotionally. I can't waste any more time on someone who doesn't seem to know what they want. I want someone who knows they want ME, who is there for me, thinks of my feelings, respects me and makes me laugh and smile and feel appreciated.

I can't be your shoulder to cry on any more. Not when you don't even pretend to want to offer me anything, except the pain of empathy. It beggars belief that someone can have so little thought and concern for another and yet expect this in return.

I wish you well, but I can't do this anymore. I've given you so many chances to be a proper friend or more. You need to work on yourself and your problems and you can't do that if I'm propping you up. I see that now. If you really felt anything for me, you wouldn't use me in this way. I have my own life to lead and my own well-being to consider and I've been happier this past few weeks than in a long while. So this really is goodbye.

M


----------



## rellis10

Dear Danny Boyle,

Your opening ceremony for the London Olympics might not be perfect, it might not be HUGE like Beijing or even as spectacular... but by GOD it's British, and it's awesome!

Thank you for giving me hope we can actually pull his event off.


----------



## samuraiscott

Dear Person,

I found out a lot about you this week; none of it was good and most made me want to throw up. I wonder if he can afford that thing you want that costs 5 grand.

IDGAF,

~Samurai


----------



## seavixen

Dear _______, 

I'm just disappointed. Really disappointed. That's all. I wish so many things were different.

j


----------



## one2one

Dear Coworker,

Quit trying to bully me, and please stop going through my supervisor to try and do it when it doesn't work on me. 

When you transfered to our building, you told one of our colleagues that you get moved around every couple years, and you don't know why. I can't imagine how you don't know because we do. You're an aggressive, manipulative, deceitful, bully who can't work with anyone and creates issues everywhere you go. Your cover story is that it's always about the other person, but how many times do you think you can play that card successfully?

Think about it.

Sincerely,
Not Playin' That Game


----------



## ODFFA

Dear TC,

This is your second letter here on Dims, haha! I’m a bit more out of words this time (shocking, I know). Just, thank you for the cyber hug that you had no idea would be so freakishly timely. I don’t know what the hell I would do without you Bro.

Your seriously grateful &#8216;sister’


----------



## yoopergirl

Dear Universe,

Please take it easy on me this week...between month's end, deadline, the upcoming weddings, and trying to figure out my finances, I'm a bit stressed. So if we could keep the surprises to a minimum, that would be fantastic.

Yoopergirl


----------



## PhiloGirl

Dear Boss,
Quit acting like you're surprised that you drive me crazy. Doing a complete 180 on what our policy is out of the blue... and professing that you don't recall what you told me mere weeks ago - yeah, that would drive anyone crazy.

Dear Coworker,
Quit stealing shit off my desk. The supply cabinet is right outside your office.

Dear Local government,
Get it together. Depsite how much I tell them not to, people are counting on you.

Many thanks in advance,
-The googly-eyed woman about to lose her shit.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Doug Lucas,

When I gave the review of your book, Conversations With a Dead Man, I didn't expect that you would read it, much less comment on it. I may have tried to explain the difference between too/to and there/their instead of merely just expressing my complaint. You went on to look even more foolish by claiming there was a grammatical error in my review. My mother was an English teacher. I used to help grade her student's assignments. I took a buttload of literature courses in college and just to be absolutely sure, I had my review double checked by a friend who also has her degree in English. Soooooo, not only did you make some major fuck ups in your book, you further proved that you just don't know a good sentence when ya see one. 

That being said, I don't claim to be a grammar goddess but I DO know the difference between too/to, there/their and that descent/decent have two different meanings.

Sorry you were offended but it was an honest review and you should really consider a refresher course. Next time you publish a book, maybe take the time to double check it.

M

I could not believe this happened by the way lol..what are the chances of an author reading your book review lol


----------



## WhiteHotRazor

Dear Dumb Friend,

When we laugh at some asshole across the bar embarrassingly strike out with two women by throwing out super lame jokes,corny compliments and proceed to basically ruin their entire night, afterwards it might not be the best time to approach them yourself. Especially with a comment like "wow,that guy wouldn't leave you two alone huh?". 
You had better say something really funny,insanely interesting or happen to be Gerard Butler if you wanna turn that around. The look they gave you was more awkward then catching your grandma washing her vibrator. Well, maybe not but it was pretty bad. 

I will not be wing manning for you anytime soon.

Thanks,

WHR


----------



## PhiloGirl

Dear largenlovely,

Gosh, I think you may have been to hard on that author. Is that something descent human beings do? I don't mean to offend you're sensibilities, I just know that lots of people are sensitive about there writings. 

->(Can't stand it! lol)


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear "Friend"-

You don't seem to get it so I will put it here for you to read at your leisure. 

I have tried on MANY occasions to tell you that I do not want to be your "back burner/last choice cos you couldn't find anything better" gal. I do not want to sit on the back burner while you peruse the local fair and get what you want from them (only to return to me later). I choose to be someone's priority...and not just another option to you.
Furthermore, I do not want to watch you sit on that fencepost you've perched yourself on (for more than 4 years) while you have one foot in friendship land and one foot in relationship-ville. I've been trying to tell you nicely for months that I am not that girl now, nor will I ever be. I am too old to wait any longer for you to make your mind up. Now, let me make this very clear to you. Regarding ME, you are going to be sitting on that fencepost for a LONG, long time so you better get some vaseline so that your ass doesn't get chapped. 

If that isn't clear enough for you, this might make more sense:
"I am done with the bullshit. Go find yourself another chick who doesn't mind taking your crap, waiting around for you to decide, doesn't mind you thinking of yourself ONLY, is OKAY being just another option and is ready and willing to tell you every morsel she's eaten today...cos THAT IS NOT ME." 

Sign me,
Aware and awake in Indiana


----------



## largenlovely

PhiloGirl said:


> Dear largenlovely,
> 
> Gosh, I think you may have been to hard on that author. Is that something descent human beings do? I don't mean to offend you're sensibilities, I just know that lots of people are sensitive about there writings.
> 
> ->(Can't stand it! lol)



Nice, you managed to incorporate them all hahahaha

it drives me batshit crazy lol. I can't imagine how the man found a publisher. We wound up having a lengthy ..erm....debate, yeah debate lol, and I was blown away by how bad it REALLY was when there was nobody around to proofread lol. It all happened on goodreads. I just joined a few days ago and right out of the gate this happened lol....lucky me lol


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Super Conservative Facebook Friends That I Grew Up With,

I realize you all think God hates homosexuals and so you must too...but I'm about ready to delete you all. I don't need my friends to agree with me on every issue but when you're THIS obnoxious about it, it makes me want to punch you in the throat.

Non-homophobically,

M


----------



## HottiMegan

largenlovely said:


> Dear Super Conservative Facebook Friends That I Grew Up With,
> 
> I realize you all think God hates homosexuals and so you must too...but I'm about ready to delete you all. I don't need my friends to agree with me on every issue but when you're THIS obnoxious about it, it makes me want to punch you in the throat.
> 
> Non-homophobically,
> 
> M



I put a few friends/family on ignore on facebook over their homophobia. I just don't like going online to anger up my blood. 
Makes my days a lot more pleasant


----------



## largenlovely

HottiMegan said:


> I put a few friends/family on ignore on facebook over their homophobia. I just don't like going online to anger up my blood.
> Makes my days a lot more pleasant



I finally figured out how to ignore people today on this new phone. Man, it wasn't a moment too soon. I have avoided watching it on the news, for the most part but it can be difficult on facebook. Especially since a large majority of my friends are very conservative.


----------



## MattB

Dear Fred,

Why did you think it was a good idea to buy a piano off a guy on the street? Were you mesmerized by the low price? Or was it just that you didn't want her to think you forgot your anniversary again? Either way, don't forget...if you play a hot piano, you'll get your fingers burned...

Matt


----------



## largenlovely

MattB said:


> Dear Fred,
> 
> Why did you think it was a good idea to buy a piano off a guy on the street? Were you mesmerized by the low price? Or was it just that you didn't want her to think you forgot your anniversary again? Either way, don't forget...if you play a hot piano, you'll get your fingers burned...
> 
> Matt



Lmao *sings* ha-ppy ann-i-ver-sary..ha-ppy ann-i-ver-sary. Ha-ppy ann-i-ver-sary..haaaaaaaaaaappy anniversary lol


----------



## KHayes666

Dear bananas,

If you're supposed to be good for me why do I get indigestion everytime I eat one of you?

Signed,

Man on the toilet


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear boy,

Your work is stinky! I really wanted to go out with you tonight.

Yours,

DP


----------



## Librarygirl

Lovelyone said:


> Dear "Friend"-
> 
> You don't seem to get it so I will put it here for you to read at your leisure.
> 
> I have tried on MANY occasions to tell you that I do not want to be your "back burner/last choice cos you couldn't find anything better" gal. I do not want to sit on the back burner while you peruse the local fair and get what you want from them (only to return to me later). I choose to be someone's priority...and not just another option to you.
> Furthermore, I do not want to watch you sit on that fencepost you've perched yourself on (for more than 4 years) while you have one foot in friendship land and one foot in relationship-ville. I've been trying to tell you nicely for months that I am not that girl now, nor will I ever be. I am too old to wait any longer for you to make your mind up. Now, let me make this very clear to you. Regarding ME, you are going to be sitting on that fencepost for a LONG, long time so you better get some vaseline so that your ass doesn't get chapped.
> 
> If that isn't clear enough for you, this might make more sense:
> "I am done with the bullshit. Go find yourself another chick who doesn't mind taking your crap, waiting around for you to decide, doesn't mind you thinking of yourself ONLY, is OKAY being just another option and is ready and willing to tell you every morsel she's eaten today...cos THAT IS NOT ME."
> 
> Sign me,
> Aware and awake in Indiana



Dear Lovelyone,
This is an inspiring letter (and the vaseline and fencepost line shows your kickass sense of humour). You deserve so much better than this flip-flapping, indecisive user.

Maybe one day people like this will be old and alone and look back nostalgically and feel regret. Or maybe the self-centred will never deign to consider that they could possibly have made a mistake or hurt someone.

Really though, it doesn't matter, cos you have tried your hardest, given every chance and now you are walking away, onto your very own bright future, with someone who deserves to be with someone as attractive, sweet, caring and funny as you.

Sometimes it is all we can do.

Take care and stay strong,
Librarygirl


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Cold

Ok so I knew something was up Sunday night with the wiggy throat feeling and yep getting stood up and left standing for half an hour in the wind on Monday unleashed you

but seriously enough already I am almost out of ease a cold, am not getting anything done and really need you to take a hike already.


Signed

snotty and gross


----------



## seavixen

Dear body,

You're not sixteen anymore. You like a blanket on your lap when the air conditioning is on. You can totally stop with the whole refusing to sleep thing, now. It was great when you handled being awake for seventy-two hours gracefully, but you haven't liked doing that for a long time. You're cranky when you're tired. Stop being stupid.

Me


----------



## Tracyarts

To the neighbor teens/young adults who live around the block and across from the school (and their friends):

You made me laugh so hard last night that my face hurt, and reminded me that no matter how stressful things might seem right now, life is fun and people are awesome. That being said, I really want to know *why* there was a guy (or gal) in a full-body lime green and turquoise furry frog (or was it a dinosaur) costume dancing out in the middle of the street in front of your house at 11:30 when my husband and I were on our way to a late-night trip to the gym? Seriously, they were really getting down out there and I am dying to know what it was all about!

To my husband:

Would it have killed you to stop the car for just a couple of minutes so I could jump out and dance with them? I mean, come on! How often do you turn the corner and see something like that going down in the middle of the street? I wasn't even able to get a photo, and something like that deserves to be captured for posterity. Saying that I might "freak them out" is a lame excuse. They were out in in the middle of the street dancing around in a neon fursuit for heaven's sake! I think they would have just rolled with it had we stopped. 

And this leads me to your not being willing to help me cart the toilet that the people remodeling their house had out by the curb for trash pickup to the neighbor's house with the lawn packed with statues and other decorations, and moved the sitting cherub from the bench it's on to the toilet seat and waiting to see how many days it took them to even notice it. Nobody would have called the cops on us, and even if they had, I'd have been willing to take full responsibility for the situation. You, sir...need to loosen up and be silly more often!

Tracy


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Terri-
I know that the Olympics are here and that getting into the spirit of the games is what makes it exciting but...

You are too old, too fat, and too...non flexible to try to do the splits even if it WAS a surprise and totally unintended. Please, don't ever do that again!!

Sincerely,
The now entirely sore muscles in your legs, hips and crotch area.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Yorik,

Didn't I tell you that wrapping the hamster with duct tape beforehand was a good idea?

Your friend in infinite jest,

The Admiral


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Dear case notes,

Please write yourselves! I enjoy sitting in the room with the person for the therapeutic hour, but I loathe having to detail what happened the entire time. Not to mention the BS I have to write in you for insurance purposes is not like the record I keep in my mind and heart regarding the person.

Ughhhh...
-Madison


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Person,

How did I not notice that you are freaking loony toons? It's probably my own fault for being a collector of odd individuals. I love people who think outside of the box but you just surpassed my acceptable level of oddness. Yikes..I'm kinda freaked out by the shit you just laid on me.

Signed,

More sane than you


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear kitty,

My feet are asleep. Please get off them.

Love,

Mom


----------



## WhiteHotRazor

Dear Exene Cervenka,

You're still one bad ass bitch.

Love,
WHR


----------



## Linda

For therapy I had to write a letter to myself ten years earlier. Since I am 40, I had to write a letter to 30 year old Linda, giving her advice on life lessons I have learned in the past ten years. It was interesting. I would definately recommend others try this exercise. You may be surprised at what comes out. I wanted to share my letter with all of you.

Dear Thirty Year Old Linda,
Four months after the horrifying events of 9-11 youre turning 30. As the World Trade Center crashed to the ground in New York you watched in horror and like so many others your foundation was shaken and you questioned everything in your life. What if you had died in that instant? What would your legacy be? What is the reason you are here? What comes after death? Who are you? You have so many questions and very few answers. I know you feel scared and lost right now. Hopefully I can help you. 
At this moment you are: 1. Divorced from a man who you thought was your everything. You thought that you had finally found your happy ending but instead you found more heart break, shame, depression, very little self-worth and a lot of questions. He cheated on you. His actions do not define you Linda, they define him. How you react and move forward defines you. 2. You are a hard working employee in a hospital. I know you love what you do and you are very good at it but you cannot change the world. Linda, stop being so angry at every road block that is in your way at work, instead just find the path around it and keep marching up that ladder. You might not think you are extraordinary but people notice. You are the only one who holds you back. 3. You are a victim of emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Sometimes horrible things happen to us but I promise you that you can overcome these things with some work. You will hear over and over how time will heal your pain or that you should just get over it. Trust me, its not that easy and even ten years in your future you are still trying to deal with these issues. Find someone to talk to that you can trust. Journal and get your pain out of you and onto paper. Find your passions. Things that make you happy to fill up the voids. Pray. Remember, you are never alone. 4. You are constantly trying to be the person that everyone else wants you to be instead of finding your true potential. You have been so beat down that you underestimate your abilities. Stop listening to all of the negativity around you. Just because those other people failed does not mean you will fail. Dont let others define your reality for you; define your own reality. 5. Superficially you seem to have everything together but inside you are damaged and screaming for someone to hear you, understand your pain and to lift you out of the darkness. Stop jumping into all of these relationships though. They are not your saviors. When Mr. Right comes along he will not be swooping in to rescue you; instead he will reach out for your hand and guide you. This will make you stronger and able to find yourself again. Be patient. I promise he is waiting for you in the future.
Be aware of bad relationships. Not just youre dating relationships but also friendships and your relationships between you and your family. You bounce from one emotionally unstable relationship to another because you are constantly searching for anyone who will tell you that you are pretty just as you are, that you are smart, that you are worth it. You want someone to hold you, to love you, accept you and tell you exactly what you want to hear. Linda, instead of putting all of that effort and energy into finding someone who will love you, find out who you truly are, figure out your passions in life and learn to love yourself. I know it sounds cheesy that if you dont love yourself, no one else can love you, but it is very true. Learn to accept yourself. You do not need to surround yourself with a lot of people who you think are fun but are really just making bad decisions. Find a few great friends who you can confide in and rely on. Start by building your trust back up on a smaller scale. Learn how to enjoy alone time and remember that doing something for you every now and then is not selfish.
Never, ever, settle for less than you deserve because it is what other people want. This will make sense one day, but you do not have to get married just because you are pregnant or a mom. Those red flags do not go away. You can eat that last piece of chocolate cake even though your mom gives you the look and says you would find a man if you would just lose weight. You do not just have a pretty face; you are a beautiful woman. You tend to be more comfortable standing in someone elses shadow but you can be the star. When that new position opens up at work, go for it and never feel guilty about it. I know right now you have no idea what you want or even what you need but invest some time in getting to know yourself and I promise it will all become clear. Someday.
Learn to listen to and trust your inner voice a little more and the criticisms from your parents a lot less. That quiet voice is the essence of who you truly are. Listen close. Intuition is rarely wrong. Even though you dont feel like it, you are reliable and able to make good decisions for yourself. Learn to trust yourself. Dont be afraid to love. Society teaches us to be logical and not emotional but you will miss out on the best parts of life if you are afraid to feel things again. If you feel it, say it and if you fear it, conquer it so you can feel it.
Stop sabotaging yourself. Your inner saboteurs job is to protect you from taking foolish risks and getting hurt, but the saboteur is hurting you a lot more than helping you. Learn to distinguish the difference between the saboteur and your intuition. If you can learn to do this it will be a powerful tool to guide you through the years to come.
Stop worrying so much. Your worries and fears will keep you locked up in that prison you have built for yourself. The barriers you are building today are continuing to hurt you in the future. Think of your biggest fear. What is the worst thing that could happen? Failure? Linda its ok to fail. I hate to tell you this but youre not perfect. Perfection does not exist. Never be afraid to try something new. You may be surprised at the outcome.
Toss out some of the garbage. Stop carrying around all of that baggage you have inside of you. Yes horrible things have happened to you but you have survived them. Dont let them continue to affect you into the future by carrying them around. Dig them up. Acknowledge them. Deal with them. Toss them out and move on. You are allowing each one of those abusive people to control you by giving them that power over you. They do not deserve that power. Release them.
Stop holding yourself back because you think youre not good enough. You are good enough. Take a vacation. Save up and buy something you have always wanted. Get that dog you want. Move. Make goals and achieve them. Stop saying I cant and go for it.
Start writing! What the heck are you waiting for? The perfect idea? The perfect outline? Remember, perfection does not exist. How many times have you sat down with a sheet of paper and just stared at the blank page? It doesnt have to be perfect, just start and eventually it will all come together.
Find your way back to God. I know you were disappointed with the church a couple of times but remember everyone is human and they are prone to make bad decisions too. It doesnt matter what job you hold; preacher, police officer, lawyer, judge- they are just as human as you and struggle with sin and making decisions every single day. Do not let it keep you from God. Check out a place called Cedar Creek Church. You will love it there. 
Always be the person that you want to be. Stop holding yourself back from loving, giving or supporting just because it isnt reciprocated. You may feel disappointed that you are not the example to the one you intended to help but I can guarantee that you will be an example to someone. Just be you. You are so giving and empathetic to others. You care so deeply for the well-being of others. Never get calloused to that.
Remember that being a mom is not always that fairy tale you have in your head right now. It isnt glamorous, there are tears involved and its difficult but it is the greatest job you will ever hold in this life. Your hugs and kisses are magical and can make any boo-boo instantly feel better. Your sacrifices are many but the rewards are great. Dont be afraid to get dirty once in a while and remember that respect goes both ways.
Never go back; always move forward. There are no do overs in life. Exes are exes for a reason. Time might heal the pain and ease your anger but it does not change anything. Never forget what put them in your past and be confident that you made the right choice once. Dont second guess yourself later.
Stand in front of the mirror naked every single day and just look at yourself. You are beautiful just as you are. Just because you are not a size 2 doesnt mean that you dont deserve respect, love and admiration. Your innocence was stolen from you eleven years ago. The bruises he left on your body, the physical pain you felt at that time and even the humiliation you endured while his friends stood there and watched him beat and rape you have eased over time. You still wonder why that one day still has such a choke hold on your life. Linda its not him or the memory really that binds you; it is you. You think by constantly reminding yourself of the horror you endured that you are protecting yourself from it happening again. You have to let it go. Free yourself from the prison you have sealed yourself up in. Its true that by hiding you are preventing people from hurting you but youre also stopping yourself from living. To feel pain is to feel alive. Dont ever be afraid to live. Pain comes with everything; both bad and good. Set us free now at 30 because at 40 its still a struggle. Someday you will be able to stand, with the lights on, naked in front of a man again. I know it scares you and it is a very vulnerable position to be in, but one day you will trust someone enough to let down your guard and allow him to love you just as you are.
Ok now that I have gotten all of that serious stuff out of the way let me clear a few more things up.
· Never agree to purchase anything from KIA.

· It is not a good idea to wear a peasant type shirt to church.


· Always unplug your toaster.

· Stop smoking right now.

· It is ok to have burials at sea (the toilet) for those fish. You do not need to break out the ice pick to make a hole into the frozen Ohio tundra.

· Try anchovies! You have no idea what you have been missing all of these years.

· Buy a GPS. Just trust me on this one.


· The minute that guy tells you he is bi-polar get up and walk out. Do not look back, in fact you should run. Run fast!

· Remove all socks carefully; especially on diabetics.


· Never stand behind your dad when hes in a hospital gown and bending over. Youre still traumatized.

· When you meet the woman at the funeral who is wearing the rather large hat with the bird on it; hug her very carefully.


· Get a lock for your bedroom door.

· Always check your pockets before starting the washer.


· Never fart in public when you think no one is around. Someone is always around the corner. 

· Always shave your legs and wear clean underwear.


· Never assume you know who is on the other end of the phone when you pick it up.

· Look down when walking through Pet Smart.


· Hug Jen and Ashley real tight the next time you see them and make sure they know how you feel about them.

· Never let your pride get in the way of what you want and need.


· And most of all, keep walking through life. The man of your dreams is waiting for you ten years down the road. Right now he is going through his own struggles, learning his own lifes lessons, but trust me, when your paths cross you will finally know what it feels like to be loved both inside and out. Do not push him away like you do with everyone else. Grab onto this man and never let go. Bare yourself fully to him and trust that he will take care of your heart. 

Listen; life definitely has its ups and downs. You will stumble; you will even fall flat on your face from time to time but in the end you turn out pretty damn good. There are two secrets to life. Good people and good food. Life is all about who you know and who you surround yourself with. Choose wisely. Food is magical. No matter what the occasion, food brings people together and tears down walls. Food connects us all and helps us relate to one another. So hang on to good people and Mangia!
Hug yourself for me because even though you dont love yourself right now, I love you very much. 

Sincerely,

Your 40 Year Old Self


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Linda,

That is a remarkable letter from a remarkable woman. It is an honor to be counted among your friends.

Love and light,
Lainey


----------



## Surlysomething

Dear 50-something co-worker,

This isn't high school. It's not a competition to see who's more popular. We all know you're the best at EVERYTHING.  You've been everywhere, you can cook anything and have the best ideas. So tired of it.


Sincerely,
Annoyed


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Universe

Please please please no more bad news for those I care deeply about, 2 deaths that I was told about in less than 24hrs and my sisters besties step daughter had to be airlifted to sydney because she was hit by a car. Thank goodness it appears she has no brain damage and will hopefully make a full recovery.

However so much bad news beyond just this. A break please would be wonderful. It is so needed

Please please please allow those I love time to process, and grieve in peace without throwing more burdens at them.

Extremely grateful if you would co operate

Amanda


----------



## MattB

Dear Motivation

Please stay, I love having you around.

Your Bestie...

Matt


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Jennie-

I am so sorry dear cousin, that you had to leave this Earth at such an early age and that you had to struggle your whole life with a terminal illness which caused you great pain and kept you fragile and weak. What a testament to the kind of person you are that you never once complained even though you knew that your time would be short.

It tickles me pink that you got your dream fulfilled a few weeks ago by the Make-A-Wish foundation with help from the local media. Seeing you in all your glory on television talking about meeting Jeff Gordon and seeing the race up close and personal was so thrilling. You looked so happy and for the first time in a long while I smiled when I saw you that happy. 

I guess God needed another Race Fan Angel, didn't he?

I'll sign off with our regular "missyouloveyoubye".


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

I'm so sorry, Lovelyone.

---

Dear former close friend who gushed about how much you wanted to reconnect, how much you'd missed me, and how much you regretted the way you treated me in the past, but within a week went back to ignoring all my attempts to contact you, just like you did back then (which is the reason we stopped talking in the first place):

Go fuck yourself.

I don't have any witty comebacks or snarky comments for that. Just fuck yourself.


----------



## prettyeyes77

Quote "I would rather be an asshole than a queer".... my great uncle Curt... :doh:


Dear Curt,

Congratulations, You have succeeded sir! You're an Asshole, and I blocked you so you will not be offended by my Facebook anymore! 


Sincerely, 
So not proud to be related to a douche like you!


----------



## Linda

Dear Mom,

Yes I am worried about your terrible headaches and the fact that you need an MRI. That being said...

When you were telling me about your doctor's appointment today you were getting more and more pissed at dad. Yes I understand that you went to the doctor because of the headaches. Yes I get that he shouldn't have whispered to the doctor that you are getting more and more confused and he feels something more is wrong. Yes I understand that you are pissed because you think your sharp as a tack. 

BUT....

Your very next sentence was about you having a dentist appointment tomorrow.

I know my pause was long and awkward but my confusion was genuine when I asked, "Umm, Mom. Why are you going to the dentist? You don't have any teeth. You have dentures."

Your reply: "Did I say dentist? I meant gynocologist."

Yes mom. Those were muffled waves of roaring laughter you may have heard.

Psst. You may be a little confused after all.

Sincerely,
Linda


----------



## KHayes666

You weren't there for me when I got in a serious car accident that cost almost 4 thousand dollars out of my own pocket to fix.

You weren't there when my grandfather passed away.

You weren't there when 3 of my friends passed away.

You weren't there when I was rapidly burning out and needed a change of scenery.

You never send me messages to see how I'm doing other than to ask how my fiancee is or when the wedding is every blue moon.

For that I don't need you anymore. Consider this my resignation letter

Signed with no gimmicks needed,

Kevin Hayes


----------



## Mishty

Dearest 'Daddy', Our first kiss tasted like over priced bourbon,and rain. You didn't even bat an eye when I said no(Sir) and the perfectly shaped hand print on my ass is like badge of honor,but I'm too selfish to share with anyone. This is the darkest heat I've ever felt. All My Respect, 'kitten'


----------



## Mathias

Dear Sons of Anarchy,

You can't do this to me every week. I'm gonna have a heart attack. :shocked:


Sincerely,

-Matt


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Universe,

seriously?? If my life becomes anymore of a dramady I might have to sue someone.

It is not bad enough I have a lunatic blog stalker who actually believes yo yo dieting is a healthier alternative to being fat but they now are choosing to post as my ex bf forcing me to talk to the man who shattered my heart and left me in constant tears for two weeks straight not to mention my lack of faith in love these days.

Yes he appologised for how he treated me and of course I am me I was nice about it and thanked him for the appology 

But seriously WTF!!!! 

I get that I am destined at present to be terminally single but rubbing salt into old wounds hardly seems helpful

I would really appreciate a break from the lunacy or at least some really great clues as to who it may be.

Frazzled and Confused.


----------



## Surlysomething

spiritangel said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> seriously?? If my life becomes anymore of a dramady I might have to sue someone.
> 
> It is not bad enough I have a lunatic blog stalker who actually believes yo yo dieting is a healthier alternative to being fat but they now are choosing to post as my ex bf forcing me to talk to the man who shattered my heart and left me in constant tears for two weeks straight not to mention my lack of faith in love these days.
> 
> Yes he appologised for how he treated me and of course I am me I was nice about it and thanked him for the appology
> 
> But seriously WTF!!!!
> 
> I get that I am destined at present to be terminally single but rubbing salt into old wounds hardly seems helpful
> 
> I would really appreciate a break from the lunacy or at least some really great clues as to who it may be.
> 
> Frazzled and Confused.



Step away from the computer. Those kinds of problems mysteriously disappear when you do.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Cousin,

I've always been happy for you when good things have been happening in your life. They finally start improving for me and you are showing that ugly green eyed monster. After the hellish few years I've had, you would think you wouldn't begrudge me some happiness. You're a bitch.

Sincerely,
Happier than You.


----------



## spiritangel

Surlysomething said:


> Step away from the computer. Those kinds of problems mysteriously disappear when you do.



that was yesterdays drama not all dramas were put out into the open and contrary to popular belief I do step away from my computer all the time hence the reason i have not been around as much..... but think what you will.


----------



## Surlysomething

Were you not talking about your blog stalker?

Seemed like I made sense. But you go ahead and be all dramatic. Haha.




spiritangel said:


> that was yesterdays drama not all dramas were put out into the open and contrary to popular belief I do step away from my computer all the time hence the reason i have not been around as much..... but think what you will.


----------



## Lovelyone

spiritangel said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> seriously?? If my life becomes anymore of a dramady I might have to sue someone.
> 
> It is not bad enough I have a lunatic blog stalker who actually believes yo yo dieting is a healthier alternative to being fat but they now are choosing to post as my ex bf forcing me to talk to the man who shattered my heart and left me in constant tears for two weeks straight not to mention my lack of faith in love these days.
> 
> Yes he appologised for how he treated me and of course I am me I was nice about it and thanked him for the apology
> 
> But seriously WTF!!!!
> 
> I get that I am destined at present to be terminally single but rubbing salt into old wounds hardly seems helpful
> 
> I would really appreciate a break from the lunacy or at least some really great clues as to who it may be.
> 
> Frazzled and Confused.



Amanda-
I can identify with this post. I am so sorry to see that you are having issues like these. I've been through a similar situation and it totally sucks when you end a relationship that you thought was going to last and you try to move on with your life, but others want to continually remind you about what has happened. 

For me, being terminally single has it's benefits--I can focus on myself, do crafts that I love, work on my attitude about men and just generally work on accepting and loving myself--and that has been so beneficial. I have a bad habit of choosing men because they choose me...instead of dating men whom would complement me and who have the same ideals and interests. Since being single, I use my time alone to think about what kind of man I want in my life, but I don't dwell on who has come and gone. That's just a waste of precious time and energy that can be put toward better things. 

As for getting up and getting away from your computer...I too, spend a lot of time on line. It's a good place to find friends and for most super sized women its a good place to find men (especially if there aren't any FA's where you live). I know that for some people giving up the computer and walking away is an option. I don't think that you have to give up being on line in order to have some peace nor do I think that the problems in your life will disappear because you get off line. Some problems that started on line...do not end when you log off. They can still loom large and present in your real life with or without the computer being used as an attempt to cause you frustration. 

Crafting people like you and I spend a lot of time on line looking for templates, gathering ideas, posting in crafting forums, and blogging. That has become a mainstay in our lives and to suggest that we just give up our love of the internet because someone is tormenting us is just ludicrous. Perhaps the best thing for you to do in this situation is to just ignore the comments that these naysayers are posting. Delete their posts and do not respond to them. By acknowledging them...you give them power. You know that you are a kind hearted person and I sense that (like me) your feelings can be hurt easily. Maybe just not acknowledging them will keep you from having to deal with these people. 
Best of luck.


----------



## Surlysomething

I'm sorry I didn't have the time to write some long winded post. I was at work when I wrote yesterday's comment.

I didn't mean to come off flippant, I was mostly talking from experience. We get really wrapped up in our cyber relationships (a lot of us, me included) and you really can turn a lot of it off by walking away. I also didn't say walk away forever. People can't raise your ire if you're not reading their crap, right?






Lovelyone said:


> Amanda-
> I can identify with this post. I am so sorry to see that you are having issues like these. I've been through a similar situation and it totally sucks when you end a relationship that you thought was going to last and you try to move on with your life, but others want to continually remind you about what has happened.
> 
> For me, being terminally single has it's benefits--I can focus on myself, do crafts that I love, work on my attitude about men and just generally work on accepting and loving myself--and that has been so beneficial. I have a bad habit of choosing men because they choose me...instead of dating men whom would complement me and who have the same ideals and interests. Since being single, I use my time alone to think about what kind of man I want in my life, but I don't dwell on who has come and gone. That's just a waste of precious time and energy that can be put toward better things.
> 
> As for getting up and getting away from your computer...I too, spend a lot of time on line. It's a good place to find friends and for most super sized women its a good place to find men (especially if there aren't any FA's where you live). I know that for some people giving up the computer and walking away is an option. I don't think that you have to give up being on line in order to have some peace nor do I think that the problems in your life will disappear because you get off line. Some problems that started on line...do not end when you log off. They can still loom large and present in your real life with or without the computer being used as an attempt to cause you frustration.
> 
> Crafting people like you and I spend a lot of time on line looking for templates, gathering ideas, posting in crafting forums, and blogging. That has become a mainstay in our lives and to suggest that we just give up our love of the internet because someone is tormenting us is just ludicrous. Perhaps the best thing for you to do in this situation is to just ignore the comments that these naysayers are posting. Delete their posts and do not respond to them. By acknowledging them...you give them power. You know that you are a kind hearted person and I sense that (like me) your feelings can be hurt easily. Maybe just not acknowledging them will keep you from having to deal with these people.
> Best of luck.


----------



## WhiteHotRazor

Dear Computer,

Please walk away from me before I walk away from you OR before I smash you into my ass along with that big yellow cake.

WHR


----------



## CAMellie

Not-So-Dear Glee,

You seriously disappointed me. Please pick up the pace and make things a lot more cohesive in the future.

Hoping to remain an ardent fan,
Melanie


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Aubrey

You are the cutest li'l 4 y/o girly-girl on the planet in my eyes. I love that you don't see me as a fat person and only see me as another playdate.
I love it when you tell me that I give the best hugs and play the "funnest games of all". It cracks me up when you grab my cheeks in your hands to (play)force me to give you a kiss. It's cute that you think I am your "Great Aunt Terri" cos I am such a great person and not because your mommy is my niece. I think its funny that I am the first person who you want to give a hug and kiss to when you come over to our house and I love that you NEVER forget me when there is a bag of chips orcandy in the house. I think its funny when we play "you're getting hotter" and "you're getting colder" when I hide something that you want to play with...and even though its right out in the open you can never find it--and when you DO find it you put your hands on your hips and say "Auuuuuuunt Terri, you are 'posed to really hide it this time!"

When you say,"Will you play boyfriends with me?"--it always cracks me up, although I am not really sure if it's all that fair that *I* always have to be the boyfriend. 
me: I saw you kissing that blue haired boy off of the Simpsons.
Aubrey: His name is Millhouse and I didn't kiss him.
Me: I think you love him cos of his sexy glasses
Aubrey: I like him cos he makes me laugh
Me: you like him cos he's a good kisser
Aubrey: I didn't kiss him Aunt Tay (with a big CHeshire cat grin on her face)
Me: Then why are you smiling?
Aubrey: (trying not to smile) "I'm not smiling."
Me: You lo-ove Millhouse, You love Millhouse. I know that you've already kissed him when no one was looking.
Aubrey: Stop!!!! (long pause) Okay, I did kiss him and he wants to be my boyfriend.
Me: I KNEW IT! 
*tickling and crazy girl giggles ensue*

You are getting to be quite the little make-up artist these days. I don't quite look like Ronald McDonald when you are finished putting make-up on me. I don't like nail polish on my fingernails but you are the only person I will allow to put it on me, eventhough it is a bright neon pink. How'd you get so, cute and spunky? 

Love you,
Great Aunt Terri


----------



## spiritangel

Surly Sorry I was also in a bad mood when I wrote that. The problem with this blog stalker is it is someone who knows me, and knows some of my back story.

I have actually not been posting as many of my heavenly imaginings blogs because of it though i did not realise that was the reason till recently and have decided I just can't let them win in that way.  thanks for the appology though I really do appreciate it.

I am well able to switch off the puter if I need to 

Lovelyone thanks for your post I do indeed have a couple of forums I post on and my craft blog 

though I am a bit weird in that I don't really go blog hopping for inspiration or looking for templates and tutorials unless there is something specific I need (but on saying that I am rather addicted to splitcoast stampers tutorials I have gotten to try some cool stuff from there)

I love that aspect of being single the time and freedom to create and not have to worry about it interfering with what someone else wants to do. I really dont stress the single thing to much . It really was just a bad day though I have come out of it with the realisation that I have dodged a bullet and I was lucky he ripped my heart out last year the way he did or things could be a lot worse in terms of the hurt and pain he could have caused.

Thanks  As for the comments my blog is set to approve them before they get posted so they dont get approved and the email I get from wordpress goes into a folder just in case I should need them one day (Ie they threaten me or some such)

Hugs to you both thanks for caring.


----------



## Saoirse

Dear J

WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN ASSHOLE! 

Our friendship is so forumlaic and predictable.

I say Hey
You say Fuck off
I say Whoooa theres no need to be rude
You say Go fuck yourself you dumb fat worthless slut
I ignore you
You say Sorry, been a bad day, lets smoke
I say OK! 

Happens every week.

When we're together, I love it. You are so fucking intelligent. Srsly, you are the most intelligent person Ive ever met. I can ask you ANYTHING, anything about politics, art, history, local news, paranormal stuff... anything... and you have an hours worth of information to give back. I love googling you and seeing all your articles and papers and reports and your lectures and videos and PBS interviews. And you love answering my questions, and you smile and laugh at my jokes and we get high and talk about life and shit. And you're so fucking sexy, in an odd way. You just have it. Remember that weekend you spent with me and you said we were playing house? Haha it was awesome! We made meals together, took care of the animals, went on adventures, like the creepy abandoned camp that we both love. We walked all over that delapitated place and took pictures and you told me all about the history and the stories and rumours. We got frisky in the attic and had so much fun!

But you make me feel bad a lot. But only thru texts. You dont say these things in person. And I never ask for an explanation. But you text me nasty things and then apologize and blame it on your depression.

And you like to brag about your hook ups. I love having sex with you, you're so much fun and adventerous. My summer was a sexual blast just from hanging out with you. But then I told you that I want to start dating people and I didnt want us to have sex anymore, so you've taken it upon yourself to talk about every chick you've hooked up with lately. And I know you're lying about most of it. You keep forgetting that we have mutual friends... idiot. Are you trying to make me jealous? CAUSE ITS NOT WORKING. omg that 3some we had with T was awesome tho.:eat2:

I wish I could quit you. I wish I could ignore you for the rest of my life. I dont even want you as a boyfriend cause we would have definite trust issues and it would just be bad. But if we could just be awesome friends that didnt put each other thru hell every fucking day... that would be perfect.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Life,

I know that I am blessed and although I don't have any family who cares very much about me (to speak of)--you've blessed me with the friendship among friendships that will endure. I know that I am so fortunate to have her in my life. She asks about my welfare and well being, makes sure that I have what I need and sometimes things I don't, cares about my happiness. We talk for hours and treat one another as loving sisters do. I am truly blessed to have found a person with whom I click with so well. 
Yesterday, she sent me a large package of clothing from Woman Within. I knew I was receiving something because she asked me about colors--but didn't expect so much--I was concerned that she had spent too much money and didn't know if I could ever pay her back for her kindness. I was blessed with 9 new tops and 2 new prs. of pants. When I thanked her she said, "Don't worry about how much they cost. I got a good deal cos they were on clearance and I had a 20% off coupon. I'm so happy that you liked them and that they fit cos I know that you needed them." She has NO IDEA how much her kindnesses to me changed the course of my day.
Thank you for the friendship and sisterhood with this woman. Thank you for the blessings.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear cousin who escaped from prison,

Thanks a fucking lot..now the fbi is all over the fucking family trying to find your ass. That's just what we needed. As if ur previous decisions weren't bad enough, at least they didn't involve us like THIS. Wtg, thanks for now including the entire fucking family in your shit.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear H,

Stepping into the doctor's office today, I almost walked into you. You turned, and because of your height, you stopped and looked down at me and there wasn't a hint of recognition and I grinned as I watched in the glass of the reception window, your reflection walk out the door.

I never thought I'd take such pleasure into seeing how you've deteriorated in a year's time. You look like absolute shit, and honestly, that's an insult to excrement everywhere. I can tell by the way you're moving, walking, talking and looking that life hasn't been so good since you had such a generous hand in helping destroy my marriage, or at least, shared creative ways in which The Weasel could abuse me, like you abused your own wife. 

I'm glad to hear that she got full custody. To call her what you did in front of an 8-year-old is criminal. To discuss her, me, the other wives that you and your little club plot against, in front of this child is abuse and even if it wasn't in front of him, reprehensible on its own. I'm glad you got caught and lost everything. 

I'm glad the chickens are coming home to roost too. I never expected or wanted any bad to come of or to you, or even The Weasel, as long as you left me alone. I do, however, wonder how you're dealing with the fact that he has a girlfriend and you're back in the shadows as the down-low buddy. Looks like he fucked you over too, literally and figuratively. Well, what comes around, goes around. I don't spend much time thinking about it, but all these thoughts crossed my mind as I saw you limp out the door. 

Your Boyfriend's Ex-Wife


----------



## Linda

Dear Family Court,

What is going on? Seriously you would rather play referee between two parents than step in and protect a child from an abusive and unsafe situation? I have known for years how you operate and so it shouldn't really come as a huge surprise to me but then again...I am a hopeful optimist who thinks that one day you will pull your head out of your ass and protect the innocent victims in all of this. It makes me sick to think of all the children that continue to be abused, neglected and hurt while you parade around like you give a fuck.

Sincerely,

Eyes Wide Open


----------



## Ruffie

Dear Karma

I know your busy and that I should not be impatient for you to show up-but I am. There is a group of people I know are probably on your list that you just haven't gotten to. These folks have hurt the people I love over and over again just for sport, are in the process of destroying something that was really wonderful and did so much good, and yet they seem to be reaping the benefits of their efforts. I understand that you may be working behind the scenes and that they may be suffering in ways I do not see, however, because of the number of instances that occurred against myself and those I love I need to see it. I need justice to help me to let go fully and move on. So if you could move those folks up your list a little bit I would be very grateful.

Sincerely me.


----------



## Tracyarts

I'm going to do this favor for you and sew/alter the stuff you need by this weekend because you've done so much for me in the past, and also because you're out of options at this point in the game. But, it's really too big of a project for the amount of time I have to do it in and I am NOT going to drop everything else in my life to stress through it. I'll work on it when I have free time around my normal schedule, and that means that I'll be cutting some corners and it won't be as good of a job as it could be. But, that's just the way it is. You'll have what you need by the weekend, and it'll be made well enough for what you need it for. When you need me to do something like this again, I need a lot more turnaround time. 

Tracy


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Mary Jane,

You are my bestest friend ever. I could be having a shit week but when we hang out, none of it matters. You help me put things in perspective like nobody else can.thanks for helping me get through this crappy week.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Missy Moo

am so glad we had such a long and open discussion yesterday. It broke my heart and made me want to cry when you told me the reason why you went quite and why you are so angry with your mother. I wish you never had to go through that, I wish with all my heart that you would have turned to me when she did not do what a mother should and protect you.

You do not hear words of praise often enough in your life but you are amazing. Your resiliance, acknowledgement of needing some sort of proffessional help because of what happened in the past, understanding that you do not need a relationship to be complete and whole, your courage, kindness, compassion and generosity floor me. 

The fact that I had any hand at all in shaping the amazing woman you are becomming that all those things I always felt fell on deaf ears you actually listened to again floors me.

You are beautiful inside and out. I am so proud and happy to have you in my life, I would not change a moment of some of the hell I have been through if it would mean never having gotten to meet you.

I will never forget feeding ducks with you the first time we met.

I love you and always will

Sincerely

Never more proud of you than I am right now


----------



## Donna

Dear Rock and Roll Hall of Fame;

Get it right this year, please. Your choices in recent years have left me dismayed and at times downright pissed off. You have the opportunity this year to really ROCK. 


Rush
Deep Purple
Procol Harem
Heart 
Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Seriously. Get it right, dammit. If you need more diversity in your picks, I would be okay with NWA, The Paul Butterfield Blues Band or even Randy Newman possibly being in the five who are picked. But if you snub Heart again and you by-pass first time nominees Rush (it's about bloody time, by the way) I swear things are going to get ugly. 

Signed, 
A Passionate Rock Fan


----------



## AuntHen

Dear People,

If a consonant makes a vowel sound you use AN prior to the word/acronym, not A! 

example- He is *an *FA. He is a FA (unless you have been pronouncing this "fuh/fah" for some reason??!!?)... wrong!!

I have wanted to express this for a long time. Thank you!


----------



## Webmaster

Agree on all. And I do wonder what a Procol Harem would look like.  As is, the origin of the Procol Harum name remains shrouded in mystery, though once Brooker claimed it was the name of a cat (see here).




Donna said:


> Dear Rock and Roll Hall of Fame;
> 
> Get it right this year, please. Your choices in recent years have left me dismayed and at times downright pissed off. You have the opportunity this year to really ROCK.
> 
> 
> Rush
> Deep Purple
> Procol Harem
> Heart
> Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
> Seriously. Get it right, dammit. If you need more diversity in your picks, I would be okay with NWA, The Paul Butterfield Blues Band or even Randy Newman possibly being in the five who are picked. But if you snub Heart again and you by-pass first time nominees Rush (it's about bloody time, by the way) I swear things are going to get ugly.
> 
> Signed,
> A Passionate Rock Fan


----------



## Donna

Webmaster said:


> Agree on all. And I do wonder what a Procol Harem would look like.  As is, the origin of the Procol Harum name remains shrouded in mystery, though once Brooker claimed it was the name of a cat (see here).



:doh: My big brother is rolling over in his grave that I misspelled Procol HarUm. Billy used to tell me their name was derived from the latin phrase for 'beyond far off things.' Did you know the title of Douglas Adam's "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe" was inspired by the album/song "Grand Hotel"?


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear hubs,
While you sleep tonight, i might just steal your phone. If i get it, you won't get it back!

your loving and envious wife,
Me


----------



## samuraiscott

Dear Significant Other,

Stop being sorry and start being accountable.


~Scott


----------



## moore2me

fat9276 said:


> Dear People,
> 
> If a consonant makes a vowel sound you use AN prior to the word/acronym, not A!
> 
> example- He is *an *FA. He is a FA (unless you have been pronouncing this "fuh/fah" for some reason??!!?)... wrong!!
> 
> I have wanted to express this for a long time. Thank you!



Dear Fat9276,

You would not believe how we pronounce some words in the deep south.
Plus, each state and sometimes the areas of the state may have their own 
vowel sound. A good example is the words FIRE, TIRE, TOWER, THERE, TIRED, and PECAN. I will give it a whirl on how I pronounce these . . . .

Fire - Faar
Tire - Taar
Tower - Tawr
There - Thaar
Tired - Taard
Pecan - Puckon


----------



## LeoGibson

moore2me said:


> Dear Fat9276,
> 
> You would not believe how we pronounce some words in the deep south.
> Plus, each state and sometimes the areas of the state may have their own
> vowel sound. A good example is the words FIRE, TIRE, TOWER, THERE, TIRED, and PECAN. I will give it a whirl on how I pronounce these . . . .
> 
> Fire - Faar
> Tire - Taar
> Tower - Tawr
> There - Thaar
> Tired - Taard
> Pecan - Puckon



I beg to differ on Puckon, here in Tx. it is Pee-Can, and you left out my all time favorite bob-wahr, as in be careful of that bob-wahr fence over yonder, it'll shore poke ya good.


----------



## AuntHen

moore2me said:


> Dear Fat9276,
> 
> You would not believe how we pronounce some words in the deep south.
> Plus, each state and sometimes the areas of the state may have their own
> vowel sound. A good example is the words FIRE, TIRE, TOWER, THERE, TIRED, and PECAN. I will give it a whirl on how I pronounce these . . . .
> 
> Fire - Faar
> Tire - Taar
> Tower - Tawr
> There - Thaar
> Tired - Taard
> Pecan - Puckon



actually I *would *believe and know as my Dad and his family are from/live in Tennessee. I have also lived in the same state as you as well as Florida.
However, the *acronym *FA would be pronounced Ef Ay... I was being sarcastic about saying fah or fuh.


----------



## moore2me

Dear fat9276, In addition to vowels being tortured here in Arkansas, we also draw out many words to make them last longer than normal.

The word "fat" will have three syllables. faa- ya - t (the t is sort of spit out)


I agree with Lee Gibson about the bob wahr. We also have chickun wahr,
hog wahr, poney wahr, and several other wahr products. We all having a whole lot of trouble with copper wahr. The meth heads and crack heads steal copper wahr like chickens going after Joon bugs.


----------



## largenlovely

moore2me said:


> Dear fat9276, In addition to vowels being tortured here in Arkansas, we also draw out many words to make them last longer than normal.
> 
> The word "fat" will have three syllables. faa- ya - t (the t is sort of spit out)
> 
> I agree with Lee Gibson about the bob wahr. We also have chickun wahr,
> hog wahr, poney wahr, and several other wahr products. We all having a whole lot of trouble with copper wahr. The meth heads and crack heads steal copper wahr like chickens going after Joon bugs.



This really made me laugh lol

Here in Alabama, we also have a problem with meth/crack heads taking copper wahr lol

My dad is originally from Indiana but has been living in the south long enough to understand a southern accent...but we visited Gatlinburg, TN. And the man we rented the cabin from told him that they had a bar in the neighborhood. My dad told him that he didn't really plan to visit the bar. The man clarified and said that there was a bar roaming around the neighborhood getting into the trash...

Dad had to add that one to his vocabulary lol


----------



## TwilightStarr

Dear Kurt Halsey,

Your artwork has changed my life. One day I will own a piece.
Thank you so much!

-Tiffany


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Single Mothers who come into my job and complain to me about being a single mother who has to work:

So what?

And?

You think you're the only one? I do that, too, every day. And often times I have more children than you. 

Several of the ladies I work with also are. We're there, every day. Earning a paycheck, paying our own bills and taking care of our own children. Other single mothers come in with more children than both of us put together and don't complain once about it. 

You're not a victim. You are blessed. Blessed for having children, blessed for having a job, blessed for having insurance that lets your kids receive dental care. 

Also, you're _not_ the only one. 

Where did you get the idea that you were? And more importantly, where did you get the idea that it's such a horrible thing that I should pity you? 

Nopers. Can't do it. 

Move on and live for today- counting all those blessings you have and thank God for making you stronger. Be proud of who and what you are. Life is simply much better that way. 

Moi


----------



## Rojodi

Dear Rest of the Country

There is life in New York OUTSIDE of NYC. There is the Niagara Frontier, there are the Finger Lakes. There are the Adirondacks. There is the Capital Saratoga Region. There is the Leatherstocking Region. 

Did you know that New York has many halls of fame? Cooperstown has the Baseball Hall, but Oneonta has the US Soccer Hall. Saratoga Springs has the Horse Racing Hall. Amsterdam is home to the Professional Wrestling Hall, while the Boxing Hall is in Canastota.

Did you know where the first color television was developed? Schenectady. 

There is greatness outside the great City. Oh, and the capital of New York isn't NYC, but Albany.

-R.J. Me


----------



## CleverBomb

New York? That's out past Barstow somewhere, right? Whatever. 



But seriously, it's an important point about ANY major metro area -- the bright-lights big city is never the whole of the territory.


----------



## Victoria08

Dear delivery man,
When I am running the store on my own and have to leave the busy sales floor to come and recieve the stock boxes from you in the back room...please, for the love of God, stop rambling on about useless shit that I obviously don't care about. I'm too polite to walk away, so I need you to just stack the boxes, sign my sheet, and continue delivering to other locations. I have stuff to do. 
Thankyouverymuch.


----------



## Shosh

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Single Mothers who come into my job and complain to me about being a single mother who has to work:
> 
> So what?
> 
> And?
> 
> You think you're the only one? I do that, too, every day. And often times I have more children than you.
> 
> Several of the ladies I work with also are. We're there, every day. Earning a paycheck, paying our own bills and taking care of our own children. Other single mothers come in with more children than both of us put together and don't complain once about it.
> 
> You're not a victim. You are blessed. Blessed for having children, blessed for having a job, blessed for having insurance that lets your kids receive dental care.
> 
> Also, you're _not_ the only one.
> 
> Where did you get the idea that you were? And more importantly, where did you get the idea that it's such a horrible thing that I should pity you?
> 
> Nopers. Can't do it.
> 
> Move on and live for today- counting all those blessings you have and thank God for making you stronger. Be proud of who and what you are. Life is simply much better that way.
> 
> Moi



Bravo! Well said!
I tried to rep you but it has been too soon since I last repped you 
I hope somebody can rep you for me.
xo


----------



## Dromond

Dear Hyde Park,

You entertain me like no other.

Signed,

Moi


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear friend

Thank you for your kindness. You'll never know how what you did changed the course of my week. I've had some issues with insomnia, back spasms and a migraine headache (yes, all at once)--so your kindness just helped to ease the burden a little and delighted me to the bottom of my heart.
Terri

Dear God
Thanks for letting me be a great aunt. Sometimes it is a thankless job, but there are other times when something happens and it helps to renew how I feel about being an aunt. For instance my 3 year old great nephew telling me "I want kisses, too" when he saw me kiss his cousins head when he got an ouchie--or when my great niece fell asleep on my bed while watching T.V. with me, and rubbing the silky sizing tag of my sweater that she covered up with between her finger tips as she slept...to soothe herself. Those things are so precious...and I thank you for giving me the ability to know that these are the moments that mean the most in life.


----------



## CAMellie

Dear AF,

5 days late? Really?!?! Get your ass over here and stop scaring me like this, you bitch!!


----------



## CAMellie

CAMellie said:


> Dear AF,
> 
> 5 days late? Really?!?! Get your ass over here and stop scaring me like this, you bitch!!



Aaaaaannnnnnndddddd...I'm pregnant:doh:


----------



## largenlovely

CAMellie said:


> Aaaaaannnnnnndddddd...I'm pregnant:doh:



I saw the previous post and wondered how that would turn out. Congratulations..even though it's unexpected, in the long run it's always a blessing


----------



## CastingPearls

CAMellie said:


> Aaaaaannnnnnndddddd...I'm pregnant:doh:


Congratulations! ?????


----------



## CAMellie

largenlovely said:


> I saw the previous post and wondered how that would turn out. Congratulations..even though it's unexpected, in the long run it's always a blessing



Thank you so much! 



CastingPearls said:


> Congratulations! ?????



Thanks, beautiful! I put the d'oh emoticon there 'cause it's completely unexpected. I'll be 41 a month from today...so I'm pretty worried.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Omg Mellie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Am So Excited For You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yayayayayayayayayyyyyyy! :d


----------



## spiritangel

CAMellie said:


> Aaaaaannnnnnndddddd...I'm pregnant:doh:



Congratulations I hope you have a safe and easy pregnancy  so happy for you


----------



## Shosh

CAMellie said:


> Aaaaaannnnnnndddddd...I'm pregnant:doh:



Yay!

How wonderful.

Big hugs xo


----------



## HottiMegan

CAMellie said:


> Aaaaaannnnnnndddddd...I'm pregnant:doh:



I wish you congrats. It's a surprise and an adjustment. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.


----------



## CAMellie

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Omg Mellie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Am So Excited For You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yayayayayayayayayyyyyyy! :d



Thank you so much, gorgeous!



spiritangel said:


> Congratulations I hope you have a safe and easy pregnancy  so happy for you



Thank you! 



Shosh said:


> Yay!
> 
> How wonderful.
> 
> Big hugs xo



Thank you!! 



HottiMegan said:


> I wish you congrats. It's a surprise and an adjustment. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.



Thank you VERY much!


----------



## Rojodi

Dear CAM

Congrats! And a little advice: There is NO such thing as "There are too many diapers in the house" 

R


----------



## Linda

Dear Ass-Hat,

Do not text me your political texts and be rude. I have the right to my own opinion...this is America. And regardless of how I voted I refuse to stoop to your level and be a dick. (I choose to bash you behind your back in this letter apparently- haha) Listen, when you get a full time job and get off your ass and move out of your parents house and maybe pay attention to your son then you can be morally assey to me. Until then, fuck off.

Wow, I might be crabby...sorry


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Dear Person Who is Extremely Close to Me:

I love you. You mean the world to me.

And when a friendship is that close, you put politics aside for it. So, I'm perfectly cool with your conservative beliefs, and I expect the same level of tolerance from you. However, I saw that you recently liked a Facebook status comparing Obama to Osama and inferring that talking about the black turnout was a bad thing. 

I'll look the other way on it this once, but I just wanted to send you a friendly reminder that If I find you showing support for racist or hateful ideology, we are going to have serious. Fucking. Problems.

I mean it.

Signed:

Your best friend... Who is in no way fucking around.


----------



## penguin

Dear Dr Useless,

I don't like you. I prefer to see the other GP at the clinic, because she's GOOD. She listens, she takes care of me, and she isn't judgemental. I don't like you, because you refused to do a pap smear (you're a GP, you HAVE to do "that stuff", as you put it when you refused) and because you don't act like you're interested. I came in today to get a script for antibiotics for my ear infection. Why would you, someone I see only for little things like this when I can't see my regular doctor, feel it's necessary to ask "so what are you doing about the weight?" as you're filling out the script? It took me by surprise, because my regular doctor is only concerned with my HEALTH and phrases everything that way. She also remembers me, what we've talked about (even if those conversations were FOUR years ago) and knows what my health is like.

I told you I walk my daughter to and from school. You asked if I had diabetes, and seemed surprised when I said no. I told you my health was fine, apart from this cold and ear infection. No heart problems, my blood pressure is fine, and NO diabetes. I said again that my HEALTH is fine and that I'm not concerned with my weight. I felt like saying "fuck you", but thought I'd better not. There was no need to for you to be judgemental and tell me to "keep doing something about the weight" as I left. The only question you asked about my health was about diabetes, and that was because you assumed I did. 

I hate having to see you. I hate your attitude. I hate how judgemental you are. I was in your office for less than five minutes and your "medical opinion" of my health was completely off and unnecessary. I can't wait for you to fully retire.

No love,
me


----------



## sugar and spice

CAMellie said:


> Aaaaaannnnnnndddddd...I'm pregnant:doh:



Congratulations Mellie I am so happy for you!!


----------



## CAMellie

Rojodi said:


> Dear CAM
> 
> Congrats! And a little advice: There is NO such thing as "There are too many diapers in the house"
> 
> R



Thanks, Roj!



sugar and spice said:


> Congratulations Mellie I am so happy for you!!



Thank you so very much!


----------



## CAMellie

Beloved little one,

You came as a complete shock, but, now that your father and I know you're here, we feel so blessed. We love you and want you to stay. If you're anything like me...you're not going anywhere until it's the right time.


All of our love,

Momma and Daddy


----------



## dharmabean

penguin said:


> Dear Dr Useless, No love,
> me



Write a complaint. His bed side manner is appalling, let the clinic know your feelings.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Dims, 

I'm glad to be back, I missed you, I missed my friends. I missed the community 

Overjoyedly Yours,
YPP.


----------



## Saoirse

Dear J

I feel like we connected more last night than ever before. Sitting on the couch with the lap top, you showing me your hard work at the park you love so much. You can be such a jerk sometimes, but I'm beginning to realize that we do it to eachother and sometimes we both need to step back and breathe. 

I love hanging out with you. You make me laugh so much and all the knowledge your brain holds is incredible and sexy. I know that I I have a question about absolutely anything, I can go to you for an answer. 

Sometimes, especially after times like last night, I wish we could be more.


----------



## Tad

CAMellie said:


> Beloved little one,
> 
> You came as a complete shock, but, now that your father and I know you're here, we feel so blessed. We love you and want you to stay. If you're anything like me...you're not going anywhere until it's the right time.
> 
> 
> All of our love,
> 
> Momma and Daddy



Our blessing came by surprise, too....and in the end couldn't have come at a better time, although we didn't realize all the ways this was so until later (at the time we were too busy being freaked out....). I hope things all fall into place for you and that things go smoothly. 

(and you know you'll be getting lots of good vibes being sent your way from here!)


----------



## Ruffie

CAMellie said:


> Aaaaaannnnnnndddddd...I'm pregnant:doh:



Terrific news Congrats!


----------



## Ruffie

Dear Universe

Can you please stop messing with my family and friends? We have had a hell of a year and I am watching almost everyone I love struggle and deal with pain, health issues and financial worries. I am exhausted and wrung out from trying to deal with our own issues and assisting with the issues of those I love. We are all hanging on and coping and doing what we can to get through what is flung with us. Can we all just catch a break in this shit storm and start having some good things come our way?


----------



## Tracyarts

To my other significant other:

I don't judge you for your past behavior. I don't much like hearing about it, but that doesn't mean I think any less of you; it's just that those things are so not the "you" that I know. You had already made the choice to put that chapter of your life behind you when I first met you. In the seven years we've been involved with each other you have continually shown that you are committed to being a better person now. Don't worry about what would happen if I were to run into somebody who knew you when, and what they might have to say about you. Because that's not who you are now, and it's not who you ever were to me. I might cringe over it, but for them really, because they're still stuck back there and you've moved forward.

Tracy


----------



## LeoGibson

Dear Kentucky,

Please don't ever stop making that sweet, sweet nectar of the gods known as bourbon. 

Thank you,

RC


----------



## Linda

Dear Jackass!

Thank you for returning my key and my books but it would have been mature of you to step out of your car and put it next to my door instead of driving up as close as you could and hurling it from your car window at my patio (the neighbor saw you). What a sad sad man you are. 

SMH


PS

Oh yea. I went to church tonight to pray to MY God. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Shrink

I was so aprahensive and nervous to see you, I was so worried it would be the worst moment of my life. You have no idea how much the conversation we had transformed my day. I want to cry in happiness.

For 10 years I have battled with dr's, family, friends and significant others many who truly believe I am just fat and lazy and that the weight is why I am the way I am.

To hear someone whose specialty is obesity (an unknown thing when I walked in the door) and why we are turn around and say no its not your imagination, your depression and anxiety are a result of the health issues and so once we get to the bottom of those should go away. No I do not want to put you on drugs. I will be writing a letter to your dr with my recommendations and we will get to the bottom of this it is beyond what mere words can express.

I walked out of your office feeling like the burdens I have carried for the past 10 years can be let go of I finally have the right person in my corner that is worth more than anything.

I know this is just the first step, but you gave me something I had truly lost you gave me back hope. You treated me like a person and you gave me concrete reasons for everything that will need to be done.

I know its not going to be the easiest of roads but the fact your willing to 
help has more meaning that you will ever know.


I know that in some way this is the start of some major shifts walking out of your offices a gorgeous orange and black butterfly flew straight at me and all I could think is this is what I have been fighting for.

Thank you

A very relieved, extremely grateful and ready for the changes

Me


----------



## x0emnem0x

Dear You,

I don't know where we are going, what will happen between us or won't happen between us... I've known you for so long and it's kind of like I don't know what to do without you at this point. I literally grew up talking to you since I was 14 and I've fallen for you. This connection we have... I just don't get it. It wasn't a coincidence that I found you when I did, but why can't things be easier?

I miss you.

-Hopeful


----------



## CAMellie

Dearest Angel Baby,

We'll always love you and NEVER forget you. We wish you could have stayed. 

All our love,

Momma and Daddy


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear "Best" friend, 

I love you, but I'm sick of you using me and I'm putting my foot down. You crossed the line when you unexpectedly wanted to spend the night just because your man wasn't home and decided it was totally appropriate to blow up my phone and throw newspapers at my bedroom window when I didn't answer. I promise you CAN be your own person, TRULY, you can! I care about you and will always be there for you no matter what, but I'm done aiding your inability to function by yourself for a night or two. 

Sincerely,
Tough Lovin' Death Cow.


----------



## dharmabean

Your Plump Princess said:


> Sincerely,
> Tough Lovin' Death Cow.



You fucking rock. :bow:


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear cats,

Do not puke on the tree skirt again. Also, rearranging the tree skirt to hide your grossness does not work. Your mother straightens it every time y'all mess it up.

Love,

Mom


----------



## Victoria08

Dear Dr Asshole,

I was 9 years old when I went in to see you about an ear infection...you told me I got it because I was fat and I ate too much. You then sent me to a dietician to fix me. They found that I had a better diet than most kids at that age and that what I eat is not a factor in why I am overweight. I CHOSE to see another dietician this week. I was curious, I suppose. Guess what? She found nothing to 'fix' in my diet either. As I've said all along, my diet is not what made me this size. So there.

Also, you're a douchebag.

~V


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Insomnia
UGH...GTFO please. I just wanna sleep.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear user family and user friends--

The well has gone dry. You have drunk from my well and spring of goodness and positivity and have not returned the favor so the well has run dry. There is no more to get from me. Please look elsewhere. I will no longer babysit your kids for free while you treat me like shit. I will not ask my friends to help with buying your kids Christmas nor will I be purchasing anything either. I will not ask you any longer how you are feeling, what can I do for you--nor will I lift a finger to help you with anything you need. I've put off doing things for myself in lieu of giving to you and that will stop today. From now on, I put MYSELF first. 

Over the years I have lent money for gas and lunch, bought you groceries, spent money on your kids birthdays and Christmas's, bought your kids school clothing when you couldn't afford it, lent you money to pay your bills (and have never been paid back), got two of your cars out of tow because you parked on a snow route, paid for two of you not to be evicted, fixed several of your cars, drove you to and from work when your cars were not working, made you soup when you were ill, did your laundry, and just generally showed you the kindness and care that "family" should show one another. I have not seen ANY of it in return so I am DONE. 

I have spent the past three years trying to make a nice holiday season for all of you even though I had NOTHING to give...I made sure that YOU had something. Not ONE of you put any thought into how I am doing, if I am well, or whether or not I might be in need. You've all got your hand out for stuff when I have it--from money to candy or gifts that i have been sent, to pizza that a friend bought for me, you have taken advantage of me for free babysitting, car, money, encouragement and love and not offered me one thing in return (including moral support). What I DID get in return was cheating, lying, stealing, and being treated like I was a burden. Now.the well has run dry for all of you because you have not replenished it. Good luck finding another patsy cos this girl has changed her name to...

Nope, don't have it. Can't do it. Not me, no not anymore, I am not your ATM. My hands are tied and I can't lend you money cos you never paid me back, I don't give money to people who have stolen from me. SOrry, there is not an invisible thread from your hand to my pocket so that you can bleed me dry. I don't babysit anymore, I'm not your mama, I haven't got it, I wish you the best but the apron strings have been cut NO NO NO NO NO THE WELL HAS GONE DRY.

It's a long name, but I think it's going to suit me well..and Merry Christmas.


----------



## dharmabean

Dear Neighbor and Son,

We moved in two weeks ago, and you've consistently fought every night. Your fights are loud, obnoxious and borderline abusive. Your fights start at 11pm and go well into early pre dawn hours. We have talked to you almost every other day about your fights, and you shrug it off like it is nothing. To us, it's something. 

We are tired.
We are are exhausted.
We are sleep deprived.

The next step is going to be calling the landlord about your problems. Fix your issues before we do, because you WILL NOT LIKE the outcome.


Pissed off, Exhausted, and Fed up, 
People in Apt. 1


----------



## Sweetie

Dear Matthew,

Just remember...Karma is a *itch.

All my love,

Sweetie


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear universe, 

I don't care if you leave us out of the snow forecast, just make sure we get lots of rain okay? Brown xmas again this year is fine with me but we need the precipitation! 

... I do really miss sledding, though. So ya know.. Something for you to think about. 

Sincerely,
Confused Wisconsinite.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Girl Time

you suck you really really suck you always choose the worst time to show up and leave me struggling to get stuff done 

Sincerely

Over it


----------



## ODFFA

Dear brother's girlfriend,

Please stop justifying/rationalising your subtle and not-so-subtle cheating behaviours to my face. I'm sick and tired of hearing about it, quite frankly.

Everything in life isn't black and white, complicated situations come with the territory - I truly get that. I can relate. But you have an amazingly sad ability to complicate things even further for yourself and others.

I genuinely don't mean to come off as pious or holier-than-thou, but I just need to say this... You can be interesting and sexy and mysterious without being over-complicated and unfaithful. You really, really can.

I just wish you'd think seriously about that, because I care about you both.

Very sincerely,
OD


----------



## Mishty

Dear C,

It's been almost a year since we spoke as friends,it's been over a year since we were lovers,and it's going to take my mind a decade to understand that people like you are sick. The blame is all yours,but the sickness you didn't ask for. Your addiction and lies broke my heart,your cruel cold heart left me feeling empty....but I can't stop my mind from allowing your face into my life. Where are you? Are you safe? Clean? Are you finally being the mother you always wanted to be? Did I help you become what you are? Do I ever cross your mind? We still live two miles from each other,but I can't grasp the fact you live on another planet,surrounded by beings that aren't healthy for you...that's not my problem,I know. 

If I was the praying kind,I'd send up prayers daily for you,but I'm not.
I lost a lot of sleep over you,and I'm sure I'll lose more as the months slide by,but if you don't mind,I'm going to stop focusing on the evil shit that happened and try so hard to remember 'Hey,we had some good times,and lived life to it's fullest!' That's my plan. 


-M


P.S. I'm moving on,k? K.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Tonsils,

Years of choking, gagging and sleep apnea are over now. I awoke today and the first thought I had was that I hadn't felt that refreshed after a night of sleep since I was a teenager. I no longer dread waking up in the morning either.

I don't miss you bitches a bit. Here's to hoping they sliced and diced you up into tiny little pieces when they did that biopsy on you.

My only regret is that they wouldn't let me keep you in a jar...and this lingering metallic taste in my mouth. 

Never again,
Moi


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Great Whatever,
8 exes who I haven't seen or heard from in years have now in 12 days become suddenly curious to know "how I am" or that "they're thinking of me". Please translate that for me. Are these exes being genuine or is this like the Metaphysical equivalent to Candid Camera.\?

Signed
Your Pal Snuggletiger who's waiting for theshoe to drop


----------



## dharmabean

High Fidelity - John Cusack...

that'll sum it up for ya *wink*



snuggletiger said:


> Dear Great Whatever,
> 8 exes who I haven't seen or heard from in years have now in 12 days become suddenly curious to know "how I am" or that "they're thinking of me". Please translate that for me. Are these exes being genuine or is this like the Metaphysical equivalent to Candid Camera.\?
> 
> Signed
> Your Pal Snuggletiger who's waiting for theshoe to drop


----------



## Weirdo890

Dear virus,

Please fuck off. I was done with you when you showed up.

Signed,
Me


----------



## kaylaisamachine

Dear Chase, 

I do not understand why it takes you 3 days to show that I spent money 3 days ago. You just want people to overdraft, don't you? Well not this time. You may be the reason I am broke, but I still have 13 dollars left and you aren't going to get that my friend, nor will I over spend. You guys are just jerks. 

Sincerely, 
Angry Client


----------



## dharmabean

kaylaisamachine said:


> Dear Chase,
> 
> *You're a big corporate bank, who gets rich off the little people. I don't need your fees, so I'm finding a better banking entity.
> 
> I've decided to look into a local credit union. Got the tip from the Occupy Movement.
> *
> 
> Sincerely,
> Angry Former Client




^^^^ That's similar to what I wrote to Chase when I was with them. I switched to a smaller credit union. I have no fees. Everything is processed immediately. I even get my ATM fees refunded each month. I couldn't be happier.


----------



## kaylaisamachine

dharmabean said:


> ^^^^ That's similar to what I wrote to Chase when I was with them. I switched to a smaller credit union. I have no fees. Everything is processed immediately. I even get my ATM fees refunded each month. I couldn't be happier.



I'll have to look into that. I was at wells fargo, then switched to Chase and now I'm just done with banking entirely. I'd rather keep cash on me all the time then have them charging me for things that don't exist or taking money from me because god forbid I transferred money from savings account to checkings. It's all a bunch of bologna. Thank you Regan!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Kittcatt
Please do not fall asleep on me and have little kitty nightmares. I do not know how many layers of skin I have left from you grabbing at whatever it is that you were grabbing at in your dream.
Your pet, Terri


----------



## snuggletiger

dharmabean said:


> High Fidelity - John Cusack...
> 
> that'll sum it up for ya *wink*



Dear Great Whatever,

I need to know, is what I am experiencing with exes ever happened to Jack Paar? I mean I know Carson did with the 3 ex wives. But I need to know did this tragic fate every befall the Great Paar?

Signed 
Your Pal Snuggletiger who whinces at the Candid Camera Theme.

PS Is running around the house wielding a machete` yelling "GET OUT THIS IS THE SHOWDOWN!!!" cosmically good?


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Self, 

As you wait for summer and the promised good times that await, remember to actually live. 

Sincerely,
You.


----------



## Morganer

Dear T:

I don't miss you.

Sincerely, - Driver


----------



## Sweetie

Dear stomach...

It's just a date for crying out loud...you don't have to go all psycho on me...


----------



## Oona

Dear K-

I feel like this is one sided.

Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## ClashCityRocker

dearest mary jane,
we've been through it and back, havent we? thanks for taking care of me when i seperated joints, tore ligaments and got hit by cars while cycling. youre so much better than pain meds, cuz you just make me happy n hungry  im gonna be really busy for the next few months so we wont see much of each other, but youll always have a special place in my lungs. go have your fun and ill smell ya later, baby boo


----------



## dharmabean

Dear Sleep, 

You visited me a few nights ago, and man it was bliss; total and complete capturing bliss. You rubbed my body in just the right way, and there I found myself under your compete control.

Then you quietly slipped away without acknowledging me with a good bye. The last couple of nights I have tossed and turned, thinking hard about our wonderful night together. 

Please sneak in tonight, caressing my head as it lays against the pillows.

You're loved, and missed, 

Exhausted insomniac.


----------



## samuraiscott

Dear you,

Thanks for sending me the birthday note; it was nice.

Thanks,

Scott


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Paula Deen,

While I am happy that you and your family are healthier, can you please just be quiet now?!? I feel you are only adding fuel to the fire... all the fat-haters are saying "see! even fat people know that being fat is baaaaad and eating butter will killlll you".

Just remember that you made a *fortune *off of all those recipes you are now shedding a negative light on.

Me


----------



## kaylaisamachine

Dear Immune System, 

The doctor said there isn't much I can do but to wait this sickness out. I have been nothing but good to you the past few days, do me some justice and fix yourself! I'm tired of being sick. 


With love, 
Your owner.


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Dear person incessantly talking at me from across the room as I type this:

You remind me of one of my favorite Das Racist quotes:

"Stop talking, shut up, hush up, please shut the fuck up, shut up, dude, shut up."

With wishes that I could say this to you out loud,
T.G.Y.M.O.


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear Farley and Auggie,

Just because the sound of a soup can and the sound of wet food are very similar doesn't mean every can i open is for you. Stop looking at me with those wistful eyes and purring. I don't feel like fussing with wet food while making my own lunch. It's too stinky! I know you feel so deprived and starving with that HUGE bowl of cat chow but it'll have to do because i have no energy to wrestle with those cans trying to get the puck of food out. 
move along kitties,
Your mean ogre of an owner


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Universe,

It would be a nice change of pace if he liked me back. I'm not ungrateful or anything, but it gets really discouraging over time. I'd just like a little fun, it's not like he has to be a soul mate....how about a good friend? That work for you? It works for me....I mean....it'd be really great if it were more but it'd just be nice if you looked in my direction for a change in a positive way and decided I could use some company. If that's okay with you. If not, that's cool too. I got shit to do anyway. 

Thanks for listening,
Me


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky

I've been lucky enough to have had wee Mouse for 10 years now and I've loved every moment of this crazy cat's life. But I'm selfish and want more time and all of these health scares are very frightening for the both of us. Please let her be well and don't force me to have to make a very painful and heartbreaking decision.

Love 
Kimberly


----------



## Oona

Dear Sleep Fairy~

Y U NO VISIT ME TONIGHT?!

Love (even though I hate you)
The Insomniac


----------



## KittyKitten

Dear you know who,

I wish I could use the words that I want on this site but it's heavily moderated. So anyway, screw you and that trashy, manipulative skank. I was good to you. I treated you well, we had great times together although it was a few months. You decided to let that piece of shit stay at your place "for a while" under shady premises. I won't go into details on Dims, that's private information. You tell me that she recently notified you that she was pregnant with your baby (after ten months) after you broke up with her, but she doesn't even know if it's yours. Why did she wait so long to tell you that? Hmm, timing is every thing isn't it? Flew all the way from the West coast the week she is due, huh? 

Who knows who the baby's father is, cause she is a shady, manipulative piece of fecal matter. Every time I find love, something has to take it away from me and you brightened my life when you came to me. Now you switch up. I didn't see it coming. 

I hate you and that snake incarnate. She lead you on, you've been taken for a ride as Frankie Lymon said in his song. May you have a miserable life together with her. You were the one that dumped her for being so crappy, now you are thinking about taking this same trick back? Make a damn decision, either her or me. 

Signed, 


Pissed


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Ouch, KK. That really sucks.

On a related note...

---

Dear heart: 

FUCK YOU.

Love, 

Brain.

P.S. - She's not coming back, she's not the same person you fell in love with anymore, and the new guy is a much better fit for her than you could ever be. Honestly, neither of us really wants her as much as you think you do, anyway. Don't make me tell you this again. Just be grateful Mouth has done such a good job of keeping your stupid crap a secret lately.


----------



## Scorsese86

Dear Frank,

I have the best stepfather! I was feeling a bit blue, didn't mention it to anyone, then you called me, asking how I felt, and I just told you how I was feeling and everything... and you were just being all nice, telling me about my strenghts, not my faults... you were so kind and then you said: "You're my son and I do care so much about you, thinking about you every waking second. You can do everything, you have a passion in your life few have". (Meaning my love of poltics). 

Thank you, Frank. You mean so much to me, my mom, my brother and my grandparents. You have your flaws, like I do, but overall: you are the best.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear so called medical proffessional

Bet you did not expect me to answer back or dare to stand up for myself, well almost 3 weeks of really bad insomnia (which I repeatedly try and get your help with) will do that to a person.

How dare you even insinuate that I have nothing in my life to live for!!!! You don't even treat my medical conditions or treat me as a person most of the time but considering you know absolutely Zip Zilch and Zero about my life you have never asked me one single question about who I am or what I do or what makes me tick so to then turn around and tell me I basically have nothing to live for is a huge leap not only this but you are the one who had the psychiatrists report in front of you saying I suffer depression way to go. It may not be considered clinical depression because it is due to the insomnia and health issues but seriously smart move telling someone who suffers depression they have absolutely nothing in their life worth anything or worth living for even when you have just been told that person is undertaking volunteer work this year to which your response was no thats not enough a real job is the only thing that will give your life meaning to which you then admitted I would be lucky to be able to do for maybe 2hrs a week!!

Not only this but then to act like the pain I feel at times is not that bad after all "people with the same condition work down mines" to which my response was yes and I bet their Dr's have them on medication and prescribe kick arse pain relief both of which you have not given or even offered me.

to tell me on my wonky days I need a walking frame or a cane, and then to say I need to keep moving (yeah cause I am betting if your feet wouldnt step properly and you kept getting the shakes and almost falling over youd be ever so ready to go out and about and wander around aimlessly) through the pain which I know for a fact at times makes things far worse than me taking a day or two out and then getting back to normal.

To tell me basically all the things that mean I do meet the criteria for a disability support pension but then to say but you are not sick enough for it (god only knows if you even put that stuff on the forms).

Needless to say I will be talking to a friend on Monday and looking for a new Dr who will at least treat me like I am a human being and not just some fat arse who is wasting your time.

Heres a tip try actually treating your patients like a human being and actually addressing their health issues instead of just dismissing them as the rantings of a fat chick!!!

Signed

Absolutely Disgusted and fed up!


----------



## Fattitude1

Thank you, Explorer, for taking care of me for over 191 thousand miles. We have had many adventures; you have protected me well. I will miss your deep seats and your desire to take me wherever I wanted to go, whenever I wanted, in any weather necessary.
I hope you've informed the new kid that he'll be well taken care of. I hope you made him promise to take care of me as well.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear society,

Thanks for constantly repeating how every person over 200lb is basically one snack away from having a heart-attack. Leaving me and my paranoia to sob nearly hysterical for sometimes hours when I have any type of pain in my chest. Even when in fact I probably just twisted wrong and pulled something. I really appreciate the sleepless nights, and the panic-induced nauseous and trembling. You're fucking ace, society. 

Tearfully yours,
YPP.


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear Lane Bryant,

It's cute that you banned me from replying on your Facebook page. I also noticed that almost half the customer posts over the last few days have been bashing you for discontinuing the Right Fit jeans, just like my comments did. Maybe you should hire another PR person who won't direct a customer to a style of jean that doesn't come in her size when she's complaining about her inability to find jeans that fit now that something has been discontinued.

Jerkbutts!

DP


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Diana_Prince245 said:


> Dear Lane Bryant,
> 
> It's cute that you banned me from replying on your Facebook page. I also noticed that almost half the customer posts over the last few days have been bashing you for discontinuing the Right Fit jeans, just like my comments did. Maybe you should hire another PR person who won't direct a customer to a style of jean that doesn't come in her size when she's complaining about her inability to find jeans that fit now that something has been discontinued.
> 
> Jerkbutts!
> 
> DP


... FUCK, they're discontinueing. ?no wonder I couldn't find any. SHIT. I wear through mine so fast because they're literally the only ones that fit decent :'(


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Your Plump Princess said:


> ... FUCK, they're discontinueing. ?no wonder I couldn't find any. SHIT. I wear through mine so fast because they're literally the only ones that fit decent :'(



You and me both, sister. Those things are (were) amazing. Stupid marketing twerps!


----------



## CAMellie

S,

Eventually you'll REALLY grow up and realize just how much damage you've done to family relationships. You'll realize, I hope, that there is only so far you can push someone (family members included) before they give up on you and leave you to your misery.
I will ALWAYS love you, but I'm done. I have my own life to live and I refuse to put it on hold to make you happy.

Good luck with your future. I wish you well.


M


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Universe

All I can do is hope and ask for lots of positive yes's for thursday morning. Appart from the appointment and the letter (eyes permitting) It is out of my hands and that completely freaks me out because my Dr has decided no I really have to hope that whoever I get has dealt with Dr's like this before and that good sense and everyone else who is on my side will win out.

I don't ask for much, this isnt even that huge a thing but it would mean everything to me from being able to afford glasses and specialists visits to being able to catch up on bills and go to the Sydney BBW bash

All I can ask is please


signed

hoping on a wing and a prayer


----------



## CaAggieGirl

Dear heart, brain, and libido:

You can just give it up because it is just not going to happen. The sooner you let it go, the sooner my appetite and sleep will come back. And this fat girl would really like to eat and sleep again.

Thanks a bunch,
Me

P.S. Brain and libido, thank you for all you have done, you make my life interesting. Heart, you suck and I wish you would take a flying leap off a really tall building. I'm pretty sure I do not need you.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

spiritangel said:


> Dear Universe
> 
> All I can do is hope and ask for lots of positive yes's for thursday morning. Appart from the appointment and the letter (eyes permitting) It is out of my hands and that completely freaks me out because my Dr has decided no I really have to hope that whoever I get has dealt with Dr's like this before and that good sense and everyone else who is on my side will win out.
> 
> I don't ask for much, this isnt even that huge a thing but it would mean everything to me from being able to afford glasses and specialists visits to being able to catch up on bills and go to the Sydney BBW bash
> 
> All I can ask is please
> 
> 
> signed
> 
> hoping on a wing and a prayer



Sydney BBW Bash? Are there details somewhere?


----------



## largenlovely

Dear Friend's Ex Husband,

You've just gotten out of prison for drugs, was previously married to a friend who is more like family than a friend and are known to fool with prostitutes and cracked out women. Please stop trying to hit on me ...yuck *shudders* gross

Sincerely,
Not ever gonna happen


----------



## Fattitude1

Dearest Life~
I have been told to 'take out the trash' that's in you. Lord knows we're up to our elbows in it. When I take it out, in which direction shall I throw it so we don't walk thru it again?
I have been told I need to 'realign' you. And as much that alignment means 'straighten out', I admit I like most of the kinks we have, and I would hate to lose those.
Change is painful, yet the song says 'suicide is painless' (Words from M*A*S*H theme); but if suicide is change, which can it be?

Wife to husband: "As long as you're up, would you mind moving out of the house?"
Don't mind if I do.


----------



## ecogeek

Dear God or whoever the heck is supposedly up there,

It's no wonder I have no sort of religious inclination. Fine for taking my mother away at 16 months and never giving me a mother to remember. Fine for making my great aunt suffer the last few years of her life, after being the most devote christian I have EVER seen. Seriously though, screw you for my 30 year old cousin who died yesterday. She, as well as all of the others who have passed away, had a whole life ahead of them. I am sick of all of the reasons attached to these things happening.

Love always,

Going to hell if you are real


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear sister whom I do not speak to-

Wow, really? So...its already turning into a weird day. I do not associate with you because of your theft, the way that you turned your back on your family and the fact that when talking about us you referred to us as "those people".
I assume that you need someone else to borrow money from but since you borrowed from me and then told me when I asked for the money back that you, "Didn't have to pay me back because I could not EVER prove that you borrowed the money."..you won't see a dime from me, sorry dear. 

cya wouldn't wanna be ya


----------



## Rojodi

Dear Contagion

Yeah you, the mofo who brought the cold and sinus problems to the office. We love you so effing much! Three-fourths of the building is now infected with this crud. I'm sitting at home after a long day of sneezing in my office.

I hope you're freaking happy! Next time when you "have" to be in the office to work because your husband is home sick and you don't want to disturb him working from home, WORK FROM HOME

Signed
Me and the of the Sneezers


----------



## Oona

Dear Broken Back~

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Getting out of my car at work, you cause me extreme pain. It now hurts to walk/sit/breathe. Forget that I've been going to the gym (and kicking ass) or cleaning, You cause pain getting out of the CAR?!

Sincerely,
I need a Band-Aid


----------



## x0emnem0x

Oona said:


> Dear Broken Back~
> 
> What. The. Actual. Fuck.
> 
> Getting out of my car at work, you cause me extreme pain. It now hurts to walk/sit/breathe. Forget that I've been going to the gym (and kicking ass) or cleaning, You cause pain getting out of the CAR?!
> 
> Sincerely,
> I need a Band-Aid



*Wraps a big life size bandaid around you* all better :kiss2:


----------



## Oona

x0emnem0x said:


> *Wraps a big life size bandaid around you* all better :kiss2:



<3 thanks wifey <3


----------



## ecogeek

Fattitude,

I am sorry about the troubles you seem to be going through at the moment. I find that when other people tell me that I need to straighten out or realign, it is that they do not understand where I am coming from. This just tends to be from different people leading different lives. 
If you are unhappy with your life, then by all means, make the change. Change that is worthwhile is rarely easy. However, in the end you will thank yourself for it. I know I do daily.
If the change is just something other people seem to want you to make, give it a second glance. I find that my heart and mind always do a lot of speaking to one another whether or not I consciously realise it. 
Follow your heart AND mind, most importantly be true to you.  If you ever want someone to talk to, drop me a line.
People should not have to go through shit on their own. 

J



Fattitude1 said:


> Dearest Life~
> I have been told to 'take out the trash' that's in you. Lord knows we're up to our elbows in it. When I take it out, in which direction shall I throw it so we don't walk thru it again?
> I have been told I need to 'realign' you. And as much that alignment means 'straighten out', I admit I like most of the kinks we have, and I would hate to lose those.
> Change is painful, yet the song says 'suicide is painless' (Words from M*A*S*H theme); but if suicide is change, which can it be?
> 
> Wife to husband: "As long as you're up, would you mind moving out of the house?"
> Don't mind if I do.


----------



## Morganer

Dear Seller:

I am coming your way. 

Sincerely - Cash In Hand


----------



## Surlysomething

Love,
It's ok that tears flood your eyes when you think of him. You didn't do anything wrong. Love isn't wrong.
T.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Eco,
sometimes we don't know why God or Great Whatever has planned. All we know is you get a certain amount of time and you gotta try to make as many good memories as ya can cuz ya never know. You ain't the only one who wonders about the motives of God or Great Whatever.
Hugs because I thought you needed a hug
Snuggletiger
*paw print*


----------



## Tad

Dear hunger: You're not the boss of me! 

(.....and this time I mean it. More than the last time that I meant it. Really. For true. Well, give or take a cinnamon bun or two)


----------



## ecogeek

Thank you Snuggle  Trying times, but we always get through them!
/hugs



snuggletiger said:


> Dear Eco,
> sometimes we don't know why God or Great Whatever has planned. All we know is you get a certain amount of time and you gotta try to make as many good memories as ya can cuz ya never know. You ain't the only one who wonders about the motives of God or Great Whatever.
> Hugs because I thought you needed a hug
> Snuggletiger
> *paw print*


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear you, yeah you...
I was not interested in the past when you propositioned me and nothing has changed. I do not get involved with married men no matter what pitiful excuse they give for being unhappy. If you are that unhappy get a DIVORCE. Oh and btw, I don't appreciate you pretty much calling me a liar when I quoted you on what you said in the past about your wife being okay with your extracurricular activities. You are not the only married man who I've chatted with but you ARE the only one who offered to be my sex partner. I remember what you said and I have the conversation saved to my archive if you'd like to see it. WTF ever!


----------



## Victoria08

Note to self:

If you know they're trying to piss you off, don't respond. You'll get all sarcastic and bitchy and you'll get mad at yourself for stooping to that level. Just don't respond next time, mkay?


----------



## Sweetie

Note to self: Don't take anybody's BS any more. Stand up for yourself. Have courage and faith in yourself. You are in charge of your own life. Don't let other people decide. Love yourself MORE.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Universe

it is time, I need green lights and yes's please. Set your time to now 

YES is the Answer 

signed 

hopeful and wishing


----------



## x0emnem0x

Dear You,

I confess that lately I figured out that I've not thought about you as much as I thought I did (even though we used to talk daily)...

I realized today after I did think about you for once (apparently when I'm out doing things I don't as much). Although I still think about you entirely too much, I found myself eating some Panda Express and wanting to text you, since for some reason I always seemed to do that LOL... I find myself able to laugh at that somehow, but for some reason I still want to cry. I didn't think it would get easier, it's really not easy at all but I guess it's a smidge easier than I had thought. I'm still hurt that you decided to walk away from whatever friendship we have but I just wanted to say I miss you. 

Sincerely,
CCPU


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear mother of kids-

When someone offers to babysit your children at nearly HALF the going rate...it's probably a good idea to actually pay them what they ask for. It's probably NOT a good idea to hand them 6 dollars for 14 hours of babysitting and then say, "I will pay you the rest later". Four times in the past 3 weeks you have done this and "forgotten" to pay what you owe. That's a VERY good way of losing not only a WONDERFUL babysitter--but also one who doesn't charge you as much as she should charge you! Pay up what you owe the sitter or you will be looking for someone else to watch your kids. 


Me.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Ex

I am not the sweet, always nice little angel you used to know. You changed me. I have no reason to not be 100% honest with you now. I have nothing to loose.

I am no longer walking on eggshells scared to say the wrong thing.

If your a selfish prick I will tell you your a selfish prick.

I find it interesting that just a week ago you were spouting lines about wanting to earn back my trust, and be worthy of my friendship and actually atone for the sins of the past.

As usual nothing but empty words.

It must have upset you when I told the truth that I don't have the energy for myself at the moment let alone someone hell bent on self destruction.

I wish you luck, I hope one day you grow up and realise that there are other ways to deal with pain and anguish.

You almost had me fooled again but I kept waiting for the slap in the face and here it is you could not take the honesty so blocked me again.


I wish you nothing but the best life has to offer. I have never hated you nor will I ever but guessing this was our full circle moment.

Its sad, but hardly unexpected 

goodbye, good luck and may you find your way through the darkness


signed

stronger than I look and less tolerant than I used to be


----------



## Ruffie

Dear Universe
I am seriously fed up with the crap that has been sent my way over the past 16 months. It has taken its toll dealing with moms terminal cancer, our injuries and rehabs, job loss and new jobs and the retraining process, the money problems, sons injury and trips to the emergency room, surgery and now rehab. Add to that the fact that so many people you have helped cannot step up and help you in your time of need and you feel so overwhelmed. I do my best to remain positive and am truly grateful for those that ARE there for me and help me to get through these challenges. However I would just like to catch a break and have a "normal" life for a change whatever that is.


----------



## Gingembre

Dear Gingerbread,

This is not friendship. Where are your basic manners? Stop lying to me...or start making an effort. I'm sad, but mostly I want to punch you in the face.

Your "friend"


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear You.

You know, I am not the kind of person to not share what I have. IF I buy potato chips I end up getting a handful because all the kids in the house eat them all up before I get anymore. If I buy chocolate everyone eats it up before I get any. I have not complained about it in the past because I usually don't mind. I share all the time...but for ONCE I would like you to NOT open what I bought FOR MYSELF and take what you want without ASKING first. I paid for it. I bought it for me. I didn't buy it for you to take what you want and leave me with basically NOTHING left. Once in a while I would like to take the money I EARNED and purchase something JUST FOR ME...GET IT???? 
Your daughter lost her job today which means I lost the money I would get from babysitting her children (the pittance that it is). I bought something for ME...because it's going to be a while until I can do that again. please stop thinking that you are entitled to take whatever you want.


----------



## Oona

J-

I think I need to move out. It has become quite apparent (tonight, alone) that what I feel is more than friendship. And I know you don't feel the same. I know you never will. And I know its for you own shallow, fucked up reasons. I don't think you realize the tears I've shed sitting in my car tonight. That's right, I never left. I've been in the driveway the whole time and I bet you didn't even notice that. So this is the beginning of the end. Our friendship always seemed one sided anyway. I do everything and you barely notice, you don't appreciate what I do (or you just don't show it). 

~C


----------



## spiritangel

Oona said:


> J-
> 
> I think I need to move out. It has become quite apparent (tonight, alone) that what I feel is more than friendship. And I know you don't feel the same. I know you never will. And I know its for you own shallow, fucked up reasons. I don't think you realize the tears I've shed sitting in my car tonight. That's right, I never left. I've been in the driveway the whole time and I bet you didn't even notice that. So this is the beginning of the end. Our friendship always seemed one sided anyway. I do everything and you barely notice, you don't appreciate what I do (or you just don't show it).
> 
> ~C



Dear Oona


you deserve so much more than a one sided friendship. So glad you value yourself enough to realise this even if it is a tough decision.

May a new and better doorway open for you

lots of squishy hugs

me


----------



## Surlysomething

I'm sorry, girlie. Life is just bullshit sometimes. *hug*



Oona said:


> J-
> 
> I think I need to move out. It has become quite apparent (tonight, alone) that what I feel is more than friendship. And I know you don't feel the same. I know you never will. And I know its for you own shallow, fucked up reasons. I don't think you realize the tears I've shed sitting in my car tonight. That's right, I never left. I've been in the driveway the whole time and I bet you didn't even notice that. So this is the beginning of the end. Our friendship always seemed one sided anyway. I do everything and you barely notice, you don't appreciate what I do (or you just don't show it).
> 
> ~C


----------



## x0emnem0x

Oona said:


> J-
> 
> I think I need to move out. It has become quite apparent (tonight, alone) that what I feel is more than friendship. And I know you don't feel the same. I know you never will. And I know its for you own shallow, fucked up reasons. I don't think you realize the tears I've shed sitting in my car tonight. That's right, I never left. I've been in the driveway the whole time and I bet you didn't even notice that. So this is the beginning of the end. Our friendship always seemed one sided anyway. I do everything and you barely notice, you don't appreciate what I do (or you just don't show it).
> 
> ~C



Wifey I'm sorry we're both having guy troubles and that you have to go through that. You are beautiful inside and out but like you said if he is so shallow it's his fault he is missing out - you will find someone 10x better (and you have me, remember, you reminded me of this the other day!) Keep your chin up and smile because you are beautiful and amazing.


----------



## Oona

spiritangel said:


> Dear Oona
> 
> you deserve so much more than a one sided friendship. So glad you value yourself enough to realise this even if it is a tough decision.
> 
> May a new and better doorway open for you
> 
> lots of squishy hugs
> 
> me





Surlysomething said:


> I'm sorry, girlie. Life is just bullshit sometimes. *hug*





x0emnem0x said:


> Wifey I'm sorry we're both having guy troubles and that you have to go through that. You are beautiful inside and out but like you said if he is so shallow it's his fault he is missing out - you will find someone 10x better (and you have me, remember, you reminded me of this the other day!) Keep your chin up and smile because you are beautiful and amazing.



Thank you, Ladies. I try not to let things like this get the best of me, but it happens sometimes. And when it does, I am so lucky to have you gals there to boost me back up. I'm doing much better this morning. I love you all <3


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear April, 

You already suck and it's only the 9th. Go away. 

Sincerely,
Surrounded by Sorrow.


--


Dear life, 

Please let things start going according to plan, just this once, kay? 

Sincerely, 
Dreaming of the possibilities.


----------



## loopytheone

Dear M

I love you. You have supported me in so many ways and still do. I can't imagine my life without you by my side, holding my hand and helping me through everything. You have done so much for me. But at the same time, I can't give up my life for you. You have to let me go. Keeping me trapped here like this is making me ill, you are making me ill, and as much as I love you I have to get away from you to get better. And get better I will. 

I just hope you can get better without me...

Love J


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Dad,

These past two weeks have made me realize all the more what a great Dad you are (and were for me growing up) and I am so thankful and appreciative that YOU are my Dad!! 

I love you! :wubu::happy:

Your Daughter


----------



## WhiteHotRazor

Dear Kvelertak,

Thank you for daily face melting metal.

LoVe,
WHR


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear H,

When you said, 'I only think of you on two occasions; night and day', you got me. Don't blow it. Please. Because I really REALLY like you.

L


----------



## Lovelyone

Dearest Flakey...

I've told you three times that I am allergic to your body spray. 
If someone tells you that they are allergic to your body spray, it would be a really GOOD thing if you didn't use said body spray as a "febreze-like" spray in a tiny little house that has barely any ventilation. I sit here now with burning lungs and struggling to breathe through a scarf cos that's the only way to get any relief from it--a runny nose and swollen, watering eyes that I have to squint to see out of--in addition to hives that are already forming on skin. I am SERIOUSLY contemplating a run to the emergency room at your expense just to prove my point. PLEASE listen and be considerate when someone tells you that they have an allergic reaction every time that you spray that nasty shit in the air. Thanks bunches. Me


----------



## Oona

Dear Stupid Insomnia~

WHY WON'T YOU GO AWAY?!

I hate you. 


~Me


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Dear Giant Margarita,

You do not contain enough tequila. I would like some more, please!

Sincerely,
Thirsty


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear lovely man,
You absolutely fascinate me! I love having you as a friend, and your enthusiasm, intelligence, perceptiveness, empathy and humour mean I feel like we'll never run out of things to talk about. You seem to have reminded me of who I am, my love for languages and literature and you've brought back my silly giggly side. Despite your having a PhD and me being something of a beginner in our area, I love that you care what I think and treat me like my opinions matter. When colleagues are being patronising I can think of the things you've taught me and our chats and smile through it. And I love the way you send little presents and postcards. Are we flirting? All these emails through the day and silliness make me wonder. And yet in a way I don't want to cross that line and spoil things. All I know is that it was a very fortunate day we met and I hope it isn't too long before you come back to England!! I'm just happy you're my friend

LG


----------



## largenlovely

Dear family and friends,

I know y'all were all raised in a firm christian belief and y'all know I've been straddling the fence for a long time. I don't know how to tell you I finally decided, after years of thinking on it all, that i don't consider myself a Christian anymore. I believe in God but I know that wouldn't be good enough for y'all. I guess I would rather censor myself than deal with the grief y'all would give me over this. So I will just keep it to myself. I can't foresee any good that would come of me telling it, so I guess I won't. 

Resignedly,

Self Excommunicated.


----------



## 1love_emily

Dear ex,

I hate that you dumped me before I was able to dump you. That made me the loser because I didn't get rid of you, even though you treated me like crap the last few months of our relationship.
But I'm also mad that you fell out of love with me. 
Because now no one else will ever love me. No one will find me worth loving.

Sincerely, go fuck yourself,
Emily


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

1love_emily said:


> Dear ex,
> 
> I hate that you dumped me before I was able to dump you. That made me the loser because I didn't get rid of you, even though you treated me like crap the last few months of our relationship.
> But I'm also mad that you fell out of love with me.
> Because now no one else will ever love me. No one will find me worth loving.
> 
> Sincerely, go fuck yourself,
> Emily


I know it feels like that's true, right now Emily - but I promise it's not. You'll think you'll never find anything like that again - but you will, and next time it will be even better. *hugs!*


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear 2 1/2 year old great nephew--

For the first time in well over a year you made me feel important and loved. You've been my constant shadow for two weeks. You are my little buddy and little did I know that when I went potty, you would stand outside the bathroom door waiting on me. My heart about burst with happiness when you heard me cough and you RAN to your grandma and said, "Aunt Terri coughing bad Gramma, we have to save her" (I was not in any harm, he just perceived my coughing bout as me being in trouble). Grandma told you, "Aunt Tay will be okay. She will be out of the potty in a minute or two." You stood with your face in the crack of the door saying "Aunt Terri? You okay? I hear you coughing, come out of there now, please"
When I finally opened the door you jumped into my arms, hugged me really tight and said, "I so happy you come out of there. I so happy you alive and not dead like ona cartoon. You was coughing real bad." I laughed and told you, "I am okay little man, no problems. Aunt Tay is alright". 
What you don't know is that I have felt alone and unloved for a long time. I've felt purposeless and hopeless. I and prayed to God just the other evening...for Him to send someone to show me that I mattered and had a purpose. I love answered prayers and how they can come in the smallest of packages. In your lifetime you probably wont know how the concern that you showed for me as a baby changed how I felt about myself...but I will. 
Love you bunches monkeybutt, Aunt Tay-Tay.


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear Life,
Calm down a little, will ya? Too much drama, illness and injury the last month. Something calm and relaxing, life-wise will be nice. I need a break!

xoxo
me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Love,

I do understand you feel it's your fault summer won't happen. I'm sorry that my lack of excitement for winter may make you sad, and I'm sorry that I can't bring myself to feel hope or joy when I think about it. I guess that's what happens when shit fucking happens and wrecks our plans so many times. I trust one day we'll meet but I will not hold my breath that it will be anytime this year. I love you and will wait for you, years if I must, because I trust there is nobody in this world who can make me as happy and who is as perfect for me as you are. Summer not happening doesn't change my love for you, merely how I react to our plans. I promise.

Depressed now but forever yours,
Me.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Universe/Great Spirit/ God

Please take her peacefully, please please do not make her suffer. She has had a lifetime of hardship and suffering she deserves to go peacefully and quickly when she does go.

I know how much we will all miss her. I know she is surrounded by Angels. I wish I could be there with her and tell her its ok.

and please please please let the family have enough decency to not fight or bicker over/at her funeral and please please let them carry out her wishes when and if the time comes be it now or later.

I wish I had more photos of her, I am so grateful for every moment of time I have gotten with her in my life and that I have always let her know I love her even if I havent been close enough to where she is to give her my time.

Signed

A devoted grandaughter


----------



## sophie lou

Dear Max 

I still don't understand what happened that night to ruin everything we had. I still don't believe your reasons that night and I don't think our friendship will even survive without them answers. I know there is more to it than you are telling me. I just don't know what yet


----------



## sophie lou

Dear Ryan

Thank you so much for being my rock. You are the greatest friend I could ever wish for. You pick me up when I am down. You are always there when I need you. I know i hurt you once in the past and I promise I will never do that again. We have something incredibly special and I never ever want to lose that. I know the love I feelfor you is the same you feel for me. Promise you will never change and I won't either


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear life,
Would it be too much to ask that this little dream of mine works out? It might also help if I could stop giggling ridiculously around certain crush before he starts thinking I'm completely crazy. I love the comedy series Miranda, but if my day to day life continues to resemble an episode of this sit-com, it may take me even longer to stand a chance with my beloved than it took Miranda and Gary.


----------



## KittyKitten

KittyKitten said:


> Dear you know who,
> 
> I wish I could use the words that I want on this site but it's heavily moderated. So anyway, screw you and that trashy, manipulative skank. I was good to you. I treated you well, we had great times together although it was a few months. You decided to let that piece of shit stay at your place "for a while" under shady premises. I won't go into details on Dims, that's private information. You tell me that she recently notified you that she was pregnant with your baby (after ten months) after you broke up with her, but she doesn't even know if it's yours. Why did she wait so long to tell you that? Hmm, timing is every thing isn't it? Flew all the way from the West coast the week she is due, huh?
> 
> Who knows who the baby's father is, cause she is a shady, manipulative piece of fecal matter. Every time I find love, something has to take it away from me and you brightened my life when you came to me. Now you switch up. I didn't see it coming.
> 
> I hate you and that snake incarnate. She lead you on, you've been taken for a ride as Frankie Lymon said in his song. May you have a miserable life together with her. You were the one that dumped her for being so crappy, now you are thinking about taking this same trick back? Make a damn decision, either her or me.
> 
> Signed,
> 
> 
> Pissed



Update:Needless to say, baby wasn't his and it didn't work out with him and her. Oh well. Slowly talking to him again.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear uncle, 

I'm not keeping my mouth shut this weekend, so you better not open yours.

Sincerely,
Already on Edge.


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear hubs,
You are 11 years older than me yet i feel like your mother sometimes. You make drs appointments and expect me to keep track of them and then cancel them at the last minute because you forgot about them. Ugh. Thanks to you, we'll get charged for this appointment change and that just pisses me off when you waste money like this. You really need to grow up and take care of your responsibilities. 

Your pissed off wife.


----------



## MattB

Dear Friend

I think it's time we go our separate ways. It's been a wild and weird ride, but I can't keep offering my time only to have you waste it with another harebrained scheme. I'd like to think I worked hard and helped you along your path, even though you act like everyone is riding your amazing coattails. Heck, I'd be okay with riding the coattails if they were actually going anywhere. You know, not everything has to be a Picasso. People will look at sketches too.

So best of luck, and please finish the book...finish something dammit!

Your Capo

Matt


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear you.
I have exited and you should feel proud of yourself for making me feel like I had to. You showed your true self today and everyone saw the real you...that makes me very, very happy. They saw that you aren't as sweet as you like to play that you are. They saw that you are sarcastic, malicious and vindictive. Karma's a bitch, hun and I am SO glad I am not going to be around you when that rain cloud let's loose and the thunder and lightening rolls in.


----------



## CastingPearls

Dude,

Don't hit on me in front of your wife and daughter and my father and grandma. That's just creepy and really awkward. And while I've no choice that you're sleeping in the house for the next few nights, I'm so freakin thrilled I had that deadbolt installed on my bedroom door a couple of weeks ago. Never thought it would come in handy for purposes you had in mind. 

Your wife's cousin.


----------



## Dromond

CastingPearls said:


> Dude,
> 
> Don't hit on me in front of your wife and daughter and my father and grandma. That's just creepy and really awkward. And while I've no choice that you're sleeping in the house for the next few nights, I'm so freakin thrilled I had that deadbolt installed on my bedroom door a couple of weeks ago. Never thought it would come in handy for purposes you had in mind.
> 
> Your wife's cousin.



Dear Guy in Lainey's Letter,

Get castrated.

Insincerely,

Moi


----------



## Morganer

Dear AOL "News:"

Ummm... Headline "Khloe Kardashian rocks tight jeans" is NOT news.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dude,
You don't get to ask those questions of me anymore. Whether or not, or who I date is MY business. While I am on that subject and since I know now that you are keeping tabs on me here on these forums, I can honestly say that I find that a little creepy especially since you've made it pretty clear that you like to keep yourself iin the friend zone with regards to me. That's okay by me--but making that issue clear does not mean that you get to ask about my private life or tease me about whom I respond to on the forums. I waited for you...for a long time and now that you've decided to barricade yourself into "the friend zone" you don't get to know the intimate details of my life. 

Me.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Morganer said:


> Dear AOL "News:"
> 
> Ummm... Headline "Khloe Kardashian rocks tight jeans" is NOT news.


You expect CURRENT news from a completely obsolete ISP? C'mon now...


----------



## Dromond

AOL is still around?


----------



## CAMellie

Judgemental douchebags,

You weren't there. You don't know. Maybe in LaLaLand you can have a quiet, serious discussion with an almost 20lb dog that's dangling from your right hand while jerking its head back and forth, but in reality (you know...where you musn't spend very much time) you're pretty much willing to do whatever it takes to make the pain stop. I punched it in the nose...it let go. Ta-da! If my sister had had her way the dog would have been put down, but I told her no...she just needs to work with him.


So screw all y'all!


----------



## Linda

Dear, well whatever....

Do not post your abusive actions on a public forum and expect no one to say anything about it. What did you expect? "Aww! Look she punched a dog in the face. How sweet."  If you don't want comments, don't post it. It's pretty simple really.

Linda


----------



## Morganer

Dear friend:

I hope the surgery goes well today.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear close friend, 

As frustrated as I get with you guilting me and shit.. I'm really glad you didn't jump yesterday...

Love,
Deathcow.


----------



## Dromond

Linda said:


> Dear, well whatever....
> 
> Do not post your abusive actions on a public forum and expect no one to say anything about it. What did you expect? "Aww! Look she punched a dog in the face. How sweet."  If you don't want comments, don't post it. It's pretty simple really.
> 
> Linda



Couldn't rep. Dangit.


----------



## AuntHen

Dromond said:


> Couldn't rep. Dangit.



You know.


----------



## Dromond

You're pretty good with the assist. :bow:


----------



## CAMellie

I hope y'all get bit by a dog and try to have a discussion with it in order to make it let go. You would be kajillionaires! Douchebags!


----------



## Oona

T-

I vowed I wouldn't let it happen again, and yet you crept your way back into my world and effed it up. 

Last night, you told me one of the sweetest things, and with the same breath, made me feel like crap. 

Sure, we all know I'm an emotional being, but did you have to exploit that? I cried for hours last night after we hung up. HOURS. (Everyone tells me I need to be a little meaner, but that's just not who I am.)

Today I don't feel any better, but I feel resolved in the fact that I will not let you do this crap to me again. I guess your brutal honesty is what I needed to break that tie. 

So thanks, dude. You may feel better for having spoken your piece, but you're going to hate it when I'm not around any more. 

~C


----------



## Dromond

CAMellie said:


> I hope y'all get bit by a dog and try to have a discussion with it in order to make it let go. You would be kajillionaires! Douchebags!



Dogs don't bite for the lulz, they bite when they feel threatened. You're not dealing with a sapient being here, it's just a dog. Don't provoke it, it won't attack. The equation is simple.


----------



## CAMellie

The stupidity that's emanating from this thread is cracking me up. Not once did I say he bit me for "the lulz"...not once did I say I did anything to him after he let go of my hand. I don't give a flying monkey's fuck WHY he bit me (although no I didn't provoke him) I just knew I wanted the pain to stop and yanking back on my hand was NOT working...thus the nose punch. I would absolutely LOVE to see one of your reactions if a dog had hold of your hand and wouldn't let go! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "Now now stop trying to bite my fingers off or you won't get any treats." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh...and my sister thinks y'all are idiots and it's HER dog!


----------



## cinnamitch

So he bit you bad enough for it to be so painful that you had to punch him in the face, and yet you can still use the hand well enough to type. Alrighty then.



CAMellie said:


> The stupidity that's emanating from this thread is cracking me up. Not once did I say he bit me for "the lulz"...not once did I say I did anything to him after he let go of my hand. I don't give a flying monkey's fuck WHY he bit me (although no I didn't provoke him) I just knew I wanted the pain to stop and yanking back on my hand was NOT working...thus the nose punch. I would absolutely LOVE to see one of your reactions if a dog had hold of your hand and wouldn't let go! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "Now now stop trying to bite my fingers off or you won't get any treats." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh...and my sister thinks y'all are idiots and it's HER dog!


----------



## CAMellie

cinnamitch said:


> So he bit you bad enough for it to be so painful that you had to punch him in the face, and yet you can still use the hand well enough to type. Alrighty then.



I have 2 hands...DUH


----------



## AuntHen

CAMellie said:


> The stupidity that's emanating from this thread is cracking me up. Not once did I say he bit me for "the lulz"...not once did I say I did anything to him after he let go of my hand. I don't give a flying monkey's fuck WHY he bit me (although no I didn't provoke him) I just knew I wanted the pain to stop and yanking back on my hand was NOT working...thus the nose punch. I would absolutely LOVE to see one of your reactions if a dog had hold of your hand and wouldn't let go! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "Now now stop trying to bite my fingers off or you won't get any treats." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh...and my sister thinks y'all are idiots and it's HER dog!




I find it interesting that you keep calling everyone names. No one has called you anything and it seems to me that you were looking for a "fight" when you put up your original post. I mean come on, it's not like you said "my sister's dog bit me and it hurt so badly that I had to hit his nose to get him to let go and now I feel bad but it was an awful bite". That might have sparked a little "awww, are you OK?" from others. Plus on top of that, before *anyone *even said *anything*, you were already throwing the "UP YOURS" out there.

Someone might have felt for you and sympathized with you had you not come out "*punching*" on the board. And for someone who doesn't care about what anyone on here thinks, you sure are going on and on about it. :/


----------



## Cobra Verde

CAMellie said:


> Judgemental douchebags,
> 
> You weren't there. You don't know. Maybe in LaLaLand you can have a quiet, serious discussion with an almost 20lb dog that's dangling from your right hand while jerking its head back and forth, but in reality (you know...where you musn't spend very much time) you're pretty much willing to do whatever it takes to make the pain stop. I punched it in the nose...it let go. Ta-da! If my sister had had her way the dog would have been put down, but I told her no...she just needs to work with him.
> 
> 
> So screw all y'all!


You didn't mention in your first post that you hit the dog to get it to let go of you. That's kind of an important detail; from the way you originally told it you made it sound like you punched it in revenge, which would be deranged.


----------



## cinnamitch

CAMellie said:


> I have 2 hands...DUH



Takes a big person to smack a dog, then be quite happy about it:doh:


----------



## CAMellie

fat9276 said:


> I find it interesting that you keep calling everyone names. No one has called you anything and it seems to me that you were looking for a "fight" when you put up your original post. I mean come on, it's not like you said "my sister's dog bit me and it hurt so badly that I had to hit his nose to get him to let go and now I feel bad but it was an awful bite". That might have sparked a little "awww, are you OK?" from others. Plus on top of that, before *anyone *even said *anything*, you were already throwing the "UP YOURS" out there.
> 
> Someone might have felt for you and sympathized with you had you not come out "*punching*" on the board. And for someone who doesn't care about what anyone on here thinks, you sure are going on and on about it. :/



You know what? You're absolutely right! I came out "swinging" which is a VERY bad habit of mine that I'm trying to work on. I apologize to all those that I have offended. Seriously.



Cobra Verde said:


> You didn't mention in your first post that you hit the dog to get it to let go of you. That's kind of an important detail; from the way you originally told it you made it sound like you punched it in revenge, which would be deranged.



Yes, you're right. I didn't make myself clear and anyone who hurts an animal out of "revenge" really IS deranged. I quite agree with you!




cinnamitch said:


> Takes a big person to smack a dog, then be quite happy about it:doh:



Never...NOT ONCE...have I ever said I was happy about what I had to do. After the whole incident was over...I gave him a warm bath because that calms him down. Once I treated the wounds on my hand I took care of him. He's a very good dog who apparently just had a bad night.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear You,

I really enjoyed spending time with you. Hanging out watching football and silly shows or listening to music, even though we usually wound up making out instead of really watching/listening to much of anything...and then you went and fucked it all up. And then I forgave you for it and u fucked it up again....now suddenly you're back again? I don't know what u expect from me. And it wasn't like I had ever put a whole lot of demands on you at any point except that we work on forming a friendship..friends who makeout even. How hard is that to maintain? 

I really just don't know what to do with you at all at this point. It would take a lot of convincing to get me to even show up, especially since the LAST time we were supposed to hang out, you *stood* me up. At this point, it might would require more work than you're willing to put in.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear church lady,

You seem like a nice woman but why do you have to ask me if I have lost weight or tell me I look like I have almost every time I see you? You are also a fat woman, so it may be that you yourself want to lose weight? I don't know. It doesn't make me gleeful. It doesn't make me hopeful. It just annoys me. If I gave you my most direct answer in regards to my weight and how I feel about my fat body, I am sure you would not still be smiling at or greeting me. Just stop OK?!? It gets tiring when people like you think you can invite yourself into my bodies world as if those words are the end all and be all. And I have a tendency to open my mouth without thinking at the least opportune times. I do not really want that to happen, especially at church. 


Sincerely, 
Fat and fine with it!


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Universe,

This better be the real deal, I don't know if I can handle another episode of "Let's get megans hopes and dreams way up there again so we can send them crashing" .. okay? 

Sincerely,
Moi.


----------



## Saoirse

Dear J.

I helped you a lot this weekend and it was a big weekend for you! The festival went soooo well! My tent was packed all day, all the music sounded great and families were having fun! My cousin and I were happy to help out! And boy did we help! Got there at 8:30 AM, set up 6 tents, moved tables and chairs and ran the craft tent for all day. I got you two bands (and they were awesome, my boy friends rock!), helped you clean the park, made signs, drove you around for errands, and let you borrow my jeep during the day. 

And you... left us in the woods when we were helping you set up the scavenger hunt and then got mad when we werent back in time! WE GOT LOST, ASSHOLE! You mumbled "just follow the trail" and wandered off. THERES A TON OF TRAILS! That park is like 200 acres of woods! You left me to clean the entire craft area, and then sent your parents to help me with the heavy stuff, while you watched from the house! You didnt even help us unload at the house. When I was helping the last band load up, I let you know there were 2 tents up by the stage. Im sorry i had to leave, but you didnt need to be nasty and tell me im never getting back the bag and sweatshirt that I left behind. 

I try very hard to please you and i never get anywhere!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Bro-in-law
Thanks for going to get all of my groceries. I know that I can be picky and choosy and that can make for a rough time at the store. I know that some of those bags were heavy and that your arm was already bothering you and that it was hurting pretty badly(so that makes you going to the store for me especially nice). I appreciate that you went and that you got almost everything I asked for. You are okay in my book.

Sis-in-law


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear Immigration,

I just had another marathon Skype session with my fiance. All we want out of life right now is to be able to wake up next to each other every morning. Ever since we met on Dims seven years ago, we've been separated by distance. Since we got engaged, we've already been waiting 8 months to be together - first for his PR to be approved, now waiting for my fiancee visa. I know I have been less than perfect in my life, but I'm hoping I might have some karma saved up from my godawful childhood that I could perhaps use for this? I'm not impatient yet (shockingly enough, given my personality -- he keeps me calm) but I really, really miss him, and I would so appreciate if you'd look at our paperwork with all due speed and realize just how much we love each other. Oh, and I know you'll need to look at my medical history closely because you have socialized medicine there. If you could read the statements from my doctors carefully and come to the same conclusions they have -- that I would not be a burden on your healthcare system because I'm generally in great health at the moment -- and then go ahead and grant us that visa so we can get married and live happily together for always, that would be soooo wonderful. 

Much love,

BBMe


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear July,

Hurry up, I just want to know if I should keep hoping or if it's useless to dream.

Sincerely,
I just want to hold him.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Nurah-

I am so impressed with how grown-up you've become. I know it takes a lot of work for some autistic kids to be able to read expressions on faces and to show concern for others. I think you've come a long way in that regard. You've begun to care about others feelings and you take really good care of your mom. She never has to worry about asking you for a favor because you are more than willing to help her these days. I just love that about you. 

I am so happy that we've begun to have the kind of relationship where we can sit and have long conversations about anything and everything...and neither of us get upset from comments that are made in the conversation. It makes me happy that we can joke and laugh with one another. 

Just so that you know, I think you are an amazing teenager

Love, Aunt Tay


----------



## Tad

Dear (younger) guy who maybe/probably made a pass at my wife on the bus the other day: thank you! 

She won't admit it, but I think it made her day. She's been feeling a bit down recently for various reasons, and to have a younger guy start chatting her up, then end it, looking downcast, when she mentioned that she was taking her son to the store.... I really think it was good for her. Please don't stop trying, I'm thinking you could be cheering up lots of women


----------



## NYCGabriel

Dear Universe,

Just stop. Please. Give me a chance to be happy.


----------



## ODFFA

Dear Granny,

You're amazing. An admirable woman, so fun and spunky and you really mean a lot to me. I'm so glad to be here with you, possibly for the last time, in the house I feel like I practically grew up in...

BUT.... And sadly there's always a 'but' with you - the things you say freakin' *hurt. Please try to be more diplomatic. You're cancelling out the positives between us left, right and centre at an alarming and upsetting rate. 

You may not approve of all my choices and I understand how you're not always able to understand what I do - and especially what I *don't do, in your opinion - but ultimately, it really isn't your job to run my life. I seriously need you to start understanding that because I'm getting close to being at the end of my tether.

I don't want to feel like crying at the end of every day because you're so quick to blatantly disapprove of me in so many ways. Please. *Please. Don't spoil this.

Yours sincerely and defeatedly,

OD


----------



## CAMellie

Dearest Pissy Missy,

We had some major run-ins when I first got you...primarily because of your age and my lack of patience. But lately you've been the best therapy a person could ever ask for. You make me laugh, you nuzzle close when I'm sad, and you're the very best listener in the whole wide world. No judging just loving. I'm so VERY glad I took you in before your previous human could dump you off at the pound.

All my love,

Momma

P.S. Never stop growling...you sound like an Ewok. LOL


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Pretender (aka "Lance"),

You are worse than those who blatantly behave badly. At least you can see them coming. You may have a lot of people fooled in order to get what you want in your disgusting greedy way but I "have your number". You are a sneaking, slithering snake in the grass.

You are a disgrace to the very thing you so *arrogantly *claim to stand for. How do you live with yourself?

Just remember, you reap what you sow.

Signed, Not buying it!


----------



## AuntHen

oops, couldn't edit in time for one more... 


Dear Health Nut Hypocrite,

I take no stock in the words of someone who drinks like a fish and eats milk chocolate bars like they are going out of style.

And I am pretty sure you still smoke on the sly 


Not Listening,
Me


----------



## Oona

J-

I'm sick of being made to feel bad when asking for something I was promised. It's not my fault you said you'd fix my car and install my alarm MONTHS ago and you still hadn't done it. You didn't have to make me cry when I mentioned it, only to install it after I went to bed. Ass. 

~C


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear friend.
I am worried about you. I am worried that you are totally holding resentment towards others for things in the past. You can't change what has happend in the past, you can only learn from it and become a better person. I see/hear some of the things that you say and I wonder what in the world happened to you to make you not only mean, but condescending to people whom you said that you supported and encouraged. I don't understand all the negativity that comes from you when you are living a good life. You are living your life, your way. There's no reason to wish bad karma on someone, nor is it a good thing to be happy when someone's bad karma reaches them and you witness it. (That kind of thing will bring bad karma to you in case you didn't know that.) 

I hope that in the future your ideas about paybacks and karma will change and that you will realize that for some people life isn't all that great and you wishing more upon them just isn't cool. 

In the meanwhile I will still love you like a bro. 
Terri


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear wonderful man,
I wish I could tell you how much I love you, but as things stand, I'm just happy we had such fun giggling and chatting while working together on our project. I think we both knew we were spending longer than we should, but it was worth having to explain myself to my boss when I eventually got back. I've missed you all this time I was wasting my time on others. I love that we can be so silly it almost makes me feel drunk. I like the happy person I become around you and I like the many small but thoughtful things you do.

I know there's a line I can't cross and I hope one day things are different, but your offering to help me out today and be there at my talk meant the world to me. The way you sat there gazing at me and smiling and willing me to do well made all the difference. Seeing the way you are with people reminds me of why I enjoy my job and who I am - or who I can be again now I'm done with selfish manipulative people who made me a harder, more judgemental person.
I just hope that even if we never make it beyond being friends, we're always close like this and don't drift apart again. I can't wait to spend more time with you next week and hope I can find some way to let you know, without saying anything inappropriate, how much you mean to me.

Librarygirl


----------



## Rojodi

Dear Roger Godell

I thought you were an intelligent man. You are, after all, the commissioner of the NFL and before that, an attorney. Your recent open letter to Congress on the trademark of the name "R*ds&ins" makes me wonder what the hell is going on in your mind.

You said that the name is, "a unifying force that stands for strength, courage, pride and respect." Do you know where the name originated from? George Preston Marshall, the most bigotted man EVER in sports. The same man in 1961 said his team would sign a "Negro" player when the Harlem Globetrotters hired a white. 

I would think that as an educated man you would know all of this, but I was wrong. You're just another clueless white man that can't see the truth. You and franchise owner Daniel Snyder belong together.

Signed
Someone that used the name in front of his Akwesasne Mohawk grandmother and was met with a backhand to the mouth followed by soap in said mouth


----------



## Tad

Dear son's teacher: Giving a 'summative' in-class project that was a complete surprise in format, totally different than anything else you've been asking them to do all term, was either mean or clueless. In either case not talking to the kid with the educational plan saying he needs very explicit instructions (aka my son) to make sure he fully understood this novel assignment was not really the sign of a good teacher. Then when you told him to re-write it because, with an accusation of plagiarism without explaining why you thought this was the case--to a student that you know (or at least have been told by multiple sources in multiple ways) has anxiety issues and doesn't deal too well with stress--I think this descended into outright meanness.

Dear Kiddo: responding to that by writing a violent story that had nothing to do with the assignment, and e-mailing it to her before you had time to think twice, was, unfortunately, just falling into her bad expectations. I just hope we can get you out of this jam with no suspension and with a passing grade. I hope you are grateful that the learning support teachers already have their own opinion of this teacher and of you, and are apt to help interpret the situation more favourably for you. 

Dear Wife: Try not to let the stress of this complete screw you around.

Dear Universe: We were one week from the end of the school year. One freaking week. We couldn't have gotten trough one more week and slid into Summer more calmly?


----------



## AuntHen

Tad said:


> Dear Universe: We were one week from the end of the school year. One freaking week. We couldn't have gotten trough one more week and slid into Summer more calmly?




I hope everything works out for the best Tad, especially for your child and family


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear pal,

You watched me falling asleep at your place, obviously I wasn't ditching you since I was legitimately pretty much passing the fuck out. Just because I woke up more once you drove me home doesn't mean if I had stayed that I would've woken up. You know, you always accuse me of lying, but I wouldn't have to lie if you'd believe me when I tell the truth and not react with anger and hysterics. 

Sincerely,
Can't wait for you to move.


----------



## Tad

Dear Kiddo and kiddo's french teacher: Thank you for both actually discussing the paper, providing and accepting explanations and getting things sorted out. Now, isn't that whole using your heads and mouths better than jerking knees and shooting from hips? Sometimes I'm not sure if the problem is that you two are so different, or that at a deeper level you are so oddly similar? Either way, you both seem to have natural talent for pushing each other's buttons.

Signed: a much relieved parent.


----------



## Surlysomething

I think it's amazing how involved parents are these days.
What about fighting your own battles and learning from them? 

I think it's interesting how parenting has changed.




Tad said:


> Dear Kiddo and kiddo's french teacher: Thank you for both actually discussing the paper, providing and accepting explanations and getting things sorted out. Now, isn't that whole using your heads and mouths better than jerking knees and shooting from hips? Sometimes I'm not sure if the problem is that you two are so different, or that at a deeper level you are so oddly similar? Either way, you both seem to have natural talent for pushing each other's buttons.
> 
> Signed: a much relieved parent.


----------



## Tad

Surlysomething said:


> I think it's amazing how involved parents are these days.
> What about fighting your own battles and learning from them?
> 
> I think it's interesting how parenting has changed.



In the end it was just the kid talking to his teacher. The stress on Friday was that when he went to hand in the paper (worth about 10% of his mark) she mis-interpreted something in the title and told him that it wasn't acceptable and she wasn't accepting the paper. He got mad, tore up the paper and said "fine just fail me then" and then she sent him out of the class. This was the latest and most extreme in a series of issues between them that has been happening on and off all term, so by this time there was not a lot of goodwill between the two of them. 

And when you have a kid who has something similar to aspergers, they do tend to need help understanding how to navigate out of social/personality conflicts, because they just don't see it. So yah, we have far more involvement than I'd prefer, because we have to show and explain how situations can be handled a lot of the time. The good news is that he retains this stuff and will use it in the future some of the time, if his analysis finds the situations to be similar enough. It is the lack of intuitive understanding that makes it hard for him.

The interventions that us parents did over the weekend was simply to make sure that she didn't take him at his word, and that he'd have a chance to re-submit the paper on Monday--and that both of them would get their hackles/anxiety down enough to actually communicate. Like I said, this time they actually talked, and sorted things out without anyone else being involved. 

They both seem to react negatively to surprises, and they kept surprising each other.... *sigh* Hopefully things can be arranged such that he doesn't have this particular teacher for a couple more years.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky

How're you going? Do you suppose you could let up on this constant stress and worry for a wee bit? In fact, if you could find a way to make things a little brighter and not so "in the dark" I'd greatly appreciate it. We could do with a bit of happy.

Love Kimberly


----------



## Rojodi

Dear older Southern woman at the free breakfast

The hotel doesn't have full-time cooks, so your grits are instant. Deal with it. The breakfast is free. You're lucky they're serving more than just danish and coffee. Get over it, move on, and have something else. The world won't end because your grits come from a packet. 

And, when addressing the staff, talk to the like you would anyone else. Don't slow down and speak with an attitude like you're scolding one of your grandchildren. Um, I'm darker skinned than they were, and can understand you, so what makes you think they don't?

Signed,
Gratefully wife and son weren't around so I could have that second helping of mmmmmmmm bacon


----------



## Oona

Dear Peers~

Please be gentle! I hate peer reviews but I have to do this as part of my final. Don't be overly critical... please...

<3
Me


----------



## Lovelyone

UGH-
I don't know how you get away with so much shit. Seriously. No one wants to watch your children while you schmooze with the latest (4th in a week) guy while sitting on the front porch. OH, and while I am thinking about it, how smart is it for you to invited STRANGERS to our house? You freely give these mother f*ckers our address without concern that they may be serial killers, rapists, pedophiles, thieves, druggies...etc. I think it's vile and disgusting that you slept with one of them on a first date AND did it in an SUV behind a grocery store (and then giggled as you bragged about it). Then you turned around and met/went on a date someone new the following day. HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT. I cringed when you said the latest "Fauxmeo" bought you a phone card...cos that just makes it easier for you to sit and text with these fucking losers who have already figured out that you are easy (while other people watch your kids). It also makes it easier for you to not look for a job now that your phone will be working. Ever heard about a little thing called SCRUPLES or MORALS? 
I hope my disdain for you doesn't show on my face when you are talking to me.


----------



## Lovelyone

Bitch, Please!
You haven't got a CLUE about stress. I can certainly tell you that it doesn't involve sitting on the couch all day watching tv and chain smoking cigarettes until it's nap time, then only to wake up and repeat it all over again until bed time. You have people waiting on you hand and foot. "Fill my coffee cup, make dinner, take the clothes to the laundromat, go get me tea and cigarettes, run to the store, do this so that, clean this, fix that." 

PLEASE won't you join us in reality? I am sure that dream land is all booked up for now.

And while we are on the subject, how about you teach your kids some hygiene and manners? That can't possibly interrupt your LONG stress-filled day, can it?


----------



## loopytheone

Debs: I should have been around for you more but honestly, it is difficult. I care about you but I wish I could bring myself to be more open with you.

Jade: I miss you. I thought that going up to see you last year would help but I guess... I guess you don't feel the same way about me anymore that I do about you. But to me, you will always be my best friend.

Chey: Where are you now? I heard that you didn't want to see me because it reminded you too much of growing up. You sounded happy the last I heard. I hope you still are.

Sophie: You were annoying as hell and in a lot of ways that attitude of yours meant you deserved what you got but at the same time, I am sorry for treating you with such disdain. I saw pictures of you recently, you look slimmer than I remember and you hair is all shiny and styled and you are wearing makeup. You seem to have grown too. I hope all your smiles are genuine.

Rita: It has been a long time. Did you get that law degree? Are you still going out with the weirdo? Does he know about all the people you cheated on him with? 

Milk: You never knew what caused me to stop hanging out with you and Rita, did you? You told that jerk that you hated me, hours after telling me that you couldn't see a reason why anybody would ever hate me. I decided on that day that I can do better than you. 

Dave: I heard you got a proper girlfriend now. Good for you. The idea of you settling down weirds me out though. I wish we could have been friends but I know you would always have seen me as a potential mate rather than a friend.

David: We weren't together long and it was years ago now but I know that I will always have a special place in your heart. I wonder often how you are doing. You stopped talking to me, which I understand. I hope that you got off the drugs and the drink and have people who care about you now.

Rachel: Did you ever feel the same way about me? Whatever the answer, I hope you are doing well now.

Nik: You were such a fair weather friend but then so was I so I don't hold it against you. We should go out drinking again some time. 

Sean: Why do you keep sending me presents? And why do I send them to you? Our friendship ended years ago, what is with this hollow gift giving? I lost you to your desire for love and your infatuation with certain things. And you don't even seem to care.

Dan: If you want a partner who loves you, you have to let them close to you. It was never about how you look. You are so distant from me why on earth would I ever consider an almost stranger as boyfriend material? Besides, having a girlfriend wont solve your problems you know.

Kar: Thank you. You helped open up my mind to the idea of caring about another person. I still don't know why you suddenly pulled a 360 and went from talking to me for hours every day to completely ignoring me but thank you for doing that because you gave me the time and energy to fall in love with the person who really meant a lot to me. I hope that you stopped talking to me because you found a beautiful girl in real life and that you two are happy together.

Andy: I am sorry you found out that your girlfriend scares me, but she does. She makes you happy though so I am glad for that. And by the way... you were right. The last conversation heart to heart we had, I mean. Love is a real thing and I am so glad I didn't let it pass me by.

Paul: I wish so much I had gotten to speak to you as an adult because then maybe you would see that we are so much alike. There are so many questions I wish I could ask you, things I wish I could share with you, big brother. It feels so strange to know it has been 10 years since I last saw you. I am older now than you are. I sit and wonder sometimes, would you be proud if you saw me now or would you be ashamed of what little I have become?

...I have been thinking about my old friends a lot lately. It feels good to get this off my chest.


----------



## Mathias

Nicole,

I can't believe you're really gone. I'm just shocked more than anything. You're outlook on life and personality were just incredible. I still remember the time we were in Math class together and you threw pennies at me because I fell asleep. I know these last few years you'd been struggling, but you're no longer in any pain. I'm gonna miss you, kid.

Rest in Peace.

-Matt


----------



## Morganer

Dear Money:

Come on, I need you now.


----------



## Morganer

Dear Room:

Cleaning you up today.

- Self


----------



## Oona

Dear Oona~

You are one GIANT asshat. How could you not see that your best friend was hurting inside?! Wake up and smell the coffee, girl. Stop focusing on yourself right now!

Forever You,
Oona


----------



## Saoirse

J-

Why cant we be normal? Why is the emotional upset always on my end? Why cant you say "I love you too" or "This isnt for me"? Why do we always fight? If im such a horrible human being,why do you still want to see me? We need to make progress or stop doing this. I cant be stuck in this shitty limbo. Its my fault really. I fall for your bullshit every time. But i cant help it! The time we spend together is usually incredible. Our adventures are amazing and we have some stellar conversations. But we both ruin it. You say something hurtful, I get upset and moody and you tell me im being too sensitive. 

The thought of never seeing you again hurts so much. It makes me sick. So i give in. I text you back. I say Im Sorry. I hope and pray that THIS TIME it will work. Thats been happenin for over a year now. It never works. 

All of my friends and family tell me to stop seeing you. You are mentally and emotionally abusive andni kniw they are right, but i cant. its too scary


----------



## Lovelyone

Terri
I cannot believe that you did it again. You handed over your food money to someone who isn't trustworthy. I know that you didn't think that they would do it to you a second time...but I think them taking 1/5 of your money to buy themselves groceries (without asking and without feeling the least bit guilty about it) pretty much seals the deal in regard to how much respect they have for you. You are going to have to start buying your own groceries and not relying on these people to get you what you need. I know that this means having to deal with agoraphobia, cruel people in society and that your anxiety level will most likely top out but you are going to HAVE to do it. Not only did they NOT buy what you had on your list, now you have to figure out how to get along without the money that they took from you. Good luck with that, you trusting fucktard idiot. I hope that you learned a valuable lesson from all of this...and that you learned that you will have to get your own groceries even if you have to leave your inner sanctum to do it. GOOD LUCK. 
Terri


----------



## Morganer

Dear lovely sexy young woman in the parking lot int hat amazing outfit, walking back to the Mercedes ML 350 with a man getting in the passenger seat:

Ooooo, are you a lovely woman! God bless and THANK you!

And, your brake light on that Benz is out.

Sincerely, - Morganer


----------



## Morganer

Dear Cat:

I _was_ gonna drink that soda.

Sincerely, - I feed you.


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Special,
wish I could just hold you. Not one of those romantic movie holds, but a genuine hold where you can feel safe to vent.

Trying to figure out unsnarky and be a better communicator
me.


----------



## ScreamingChicken

Dear right knee,

Enough already! Quit making a fuss and give the Aleve a chance to work!

Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear life,

I'm begging you, please.. PLEASE let him come to me this time. This is our best chance, but our track record for this happening isn't the best.. I really need him, we both really need this, please! 

Thanks,
Moi.


----------



## Morganer

Dear Individual:

You never came back, huh.

Sincerely, - Self


----------



## Oona

Dear Universe~

Please don't let this be another joke. Please let this be real. I'm really happy, for once, and I'd like to remain happy.

<3
Moi


----------



## Morganer

Dear Lauryn Hill:

You join the ranks of Lil Kim now.

Sincerely, - Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear headache, hurting and painful knees and humidity. If the three of you cannot play along nicely with one another I am going to have to send several of you away. 
Sincerely, The b*tch who cannot sleep with any of you around.


----------



## Morganer

Hey, Emily Sonde:

You can stand "Next to me." Woo-hoo!

Sincerely - You can find him you'll find him next to me.


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear money gods,
Please let me win some lottery money or come into money. I swear i'll actually buy a ticket if can win. It doesn't have to be a jackpot. A couple grand would be SOOO helpful. It would help me sleep better at night having it. 

Sincerely,
Me, beyond stressed, ready to break.


----------



## Morganer

Dear Toshiba:

You better quit sqrewing with me, Toshiba Corp. US. Yes, you. Toshiba. You need to do right. I will come to your corporate office and cut the power lines and plant a virus on your mainframe that says "We eat Apples for lunch." Yes, I will. You need to make this right.

Here is my complaint and grievance with you: I am a loyal shopper at Amazon.com. Had to max out my credit to get a decent unit, and even deny a friend (?) another computer on here, due to the goods being priced so high, and my credit line at $700. I selected your Satellite P755-S5265. Wanted to get the Used one, but, no, someone else bought that, two hours before I wanted to.  Ahh, but such is life.. So, I got yoru Refurbished model. And all was well and good, yeah.

Then yoru BIOS quit and would not complete a POS, or Power-On Self Test. 

Rage ensues, 

I take it to the computer store, three blocks down. They keep it for a day. Then, they come back wit the WORST possible news, of what I said above. Only charged me $20 to look at it, which is good, since I am strapped for cash, as I have to routinely explain to the "models" on here. Sooo... They do give me a silver lining: That the unit is under warranty:  Yippie-kii-aaa.. WARRANTY! That word again? "Warranty!" _One more time._ (Warranty.)

So. I call up your company, Toshiba Corporation U.S. After FINALLY looking up my serial number, you find the unit, and I complete forms, and pay $25 for FedEx to mail me a box. Yay! So, today, an hour ago, I get home and I open the box, and I am using the wonderful screen and oh-so-typy kees. I love them.

*So what did yall Mofos do with my keyboard backlight, exclusive to this 2nd gen Core i5 model in the Satellite P-series US line-up, which is why I shelled out the samoleans to get it? On credit, at that? Did you take it out of the computer or something? You need to give it back.*

Sincerely, - Law Abiding Citizen.


----------



## Morganer

Dear Amazon.com:

Refund.

Sincerely.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear whatever is out there,

Please let those tickets print, we've waited too long to have this be what keeps him from me AGAIN!

Tearfully yours,
M.


----------



## Mathias

Dear Kindle Fire HD:

SOON.

Can't wait for payday,

-Matthew


----------



## tankyguy

Dear Spiders:

Get your s*** together.
You had _one_ job: capture flying insects before they bite me.

The deal was, you did this, and in return I tolerate your presence as long as you don't physically touch my body or foodstuffs.

Shape up or I'm contracting out to a mantis, and we both know they're not all that fond of you guys.


-Me


----------



## Surlysomething

You're hilarious!

Spiders are bitches.




tankyguy said:


> Dear Spiders:
> 
> Get your s*** together.
> You had _one_ job: capture flying insects before they bite me.
> 
> The deal was, you did this, and in return I tolerate your presence as long as you don't physically touch my body or foodstuffs.
> 
> Shape up or I'm contracting out to a mantis, and we both know they're not all that fond of you guys.
> 
> 
> -Me


----------



## Morganer

Dear Tech For Less:

Thanks for letting me get my refund.

Sincerely, - Customer


----------



## Morganer

Dear Car:

I need you to shift _right_ soon. AC off, easy on the gas, the whole nine. We all know your transmission is garbage. Just put on one of your better showings when you HAVE to. Do it for daddy. We got this other car to buy with the money from your _sometimes works well, sometimes messes up after being used_ self.

Sincerely - I want that other car, I'm done with you.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dearest Humidity...
You big HOT stud, you. Not only do you curl my hair when you touch me but you make me all wet in all the right places. I like that. (not really but I thought the sexual innuendo was too funny to pass up).
Me


----------



## Victoria08

Dear R,
A little friendly advice - put a little more effort in pretending to care. Or, ya know, you could actually just work on caring about us...for real.
Sincerely, your little sister (who is starting to feel seriously neglected by you).


----------



## Morganer

Dear Pill:

I really hope you can help. I am still introducing you into my system.

Sincerely - Morganer


----------



## ScreamingChicken

Dear Universe,

What should have been a month of disarray has me finding that "peaceful, easy feeling" for the first time in a LONG time. Whether it's the kids, work, the ex wife, the ex fiance, the old friends you have steered me back towards, and a new one you tossed in for good measure ...it's calm, stress and drama free. I can get used to this real quick.

Now can we just get the housing situation resolved? Town home/condo to buy or an apartment to rent? This is the only wrinkle, I swear. LOL

Thanks,

Rick


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Jeremy Reiner,


You ain't looking too bad now that you've built yourself up a little for the Bourne Legacy movie. 


Keep up the good work 

Moi


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear friend who I'm secretly in love with,
I only suggested we go for coffee. It just made sense as I have been lucky so far not to get in trouble for those 'lost hours' whenever I end up talking to you in your office. I thought you'd understand that I can't risk getting in trouble professionally, however much I like you. I'm just confused. I don't think I've imagined how much we've been enjoying talking and getting to know each other better lately. Only the fact you never even mentioned that I left you that note as you were still working when I left before your time off makes me think I have done something terrible and foolish. As does the fact that you were gazing at me, but only seemed to want to have a bland conversation about my customer service survey. I know you're with someone else. But I have done nothing I would not with any colleague who is also friend, male or female. It's just starting to feel like you won't even let me properly be your friend now. I mean, what's the point of knowing all this stuff about a person's life, thoughts, past etc. and reflecting on life and all kinds of philosophical stuff if it all ends at five o'clock / the workplace door. What kind of friendship is that? How is it really any different if we are hanging out in your office or in Starbucks? My goodness, even colleagues I don't particularly get on with text me from time to time.

I always thought I could rely on you, that you were there for me as a friend, even if it couldn't be more - one of the few genuine and consistent people in a workplace full or crazy and erratic people. And now, though I'm sure you didn't intend it to seem this way, you've made me feel foolish and also rather angry - like you've been using me to pour out your thoughts / for entertainment, but when I actually test our friendship, you've suddenly got cold feet. And to say that time off has reminded you that you have a life outside of work really sucked. I know we all say things like that, but really, did you have to make it any more clear that I am not a part of that? I could understand this weirdness if I'd tried to do something wrong, like kiss you, but I haven't.

And if, as I suspect you do like me too, why didn't you stay away sooner? If you could see how I felt, and knowing how much I've been hurt in the past, why keep seeking me out, asking me to stay longer, having these intense and personal conversations if you never intended there to be more to it? Why not mention sooner that you were with someone if she is the one you want and are happy with?

I'm confused and scared I've lost you as a friend when I really didn't mean to risk doing this. There is hardly anyone else at work I can be truly open and myself with like you and I hate the thought that the mere suggestion of having coffee together has somehow wrecked that and become some big elephant in the room.

Librarygirl


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Purchasing,
Please get me my PO Number so I can order toilet paper.
Thanks 
Me

Dear Special One,
Glad you're you.
Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Facebook friend

I appreciate all of your comments, however--if you had read my posting you would have seen that I am making huge changes in my life regarding being more healthy. Dieting is no longer and option for me...its a priority if I wish to live past 50 years old. Suggesting that I forget about dieting is a bit insulting especially considering how far I've come and also considering that I am a food addict. I think about, dream about, daydream about, lust after, and crave eating food. I've given up soda, chips, cakes, cookies, fast food, sugar, and starches (for the most part) and every food I love in order to better my own health. That's a great accomplishment for someone like me (who thinks about and craves those things continually).

If you had read ANYTHING that I have posted in the past year you would know that I have no cartilage in either of my knees, bone spurs in a heel, have a hip problem, fibromyalgia, and depression...on top of which I have developed agoraphobia (fear of leaving my own home). Suggesting that I take on a part time or volunteer job in order to "stop thinking about food" simply shows that you have not been paying much attention lately and also suggests that you haven't much compassion. 

In the future kindly keep your comments to yourself.
Thanks Terri


----------



## Librarygirl

(Apologies to all who are getting tired of me writing these - saves me from acting more odd with the person concerned...Don't get me started on the overthinking fall-out from our recent chat about religion etc.)

Dear wonderful friend,
Thank you for everything you said today. You somehow always manage to say the right thing and make me feel good about things that other people might make me feel ashamed or insecure about. I suspect you walked that out of the way route to see me on purpose and to ask about stuff you knew I was doing at the weekend. It was much appreciated. You are truly one of the most 'together', non-judgemental, wisest and kindest people I have ever met. As well as being funny and incredibly sexy. Just being around you as a friend gives me such a buzz and makes me so happy. Our closeness can't be going unnoticed and I hope so much that one day we can be more than friends. But after recent stuff and my nearly going too far, I'm just so happy we are still friends. It's hard to see how I can ever give you as much as you give me in the way of advice, support and care, but I hope I can show you in some subtle way how I feel and how much I am there for you.

I love you,
Librarygirl


----------



## missyj1978

Dear lightning storm,
I use to love it when you would come and visit, but from this day on you are no longer welcome within 100 miles of me. You not only fried my new smart tv but you also fried my sons xbox  What is wrong with you? How did you get around the surge protector  Thanks alot for making my morning so crappy.

p.s. Was it necessary to knock down that giant tree in your rampage?

Screw you,
Pissed Off Missy


----------



## ODFFA

Dear TC,

Did you really come into my room hours after we'd said "Goodnight, see you TOMORROW morning," sit on my bed and ask me a bunch of intrusive questions? And peep through the crack in the door, then text me saying you know what I'm doing and that I'm not asleep yet? Really, dude?

To think I was feeling guilty about my being annoyed with you. Thanks.....I guess......for utterly obliterating that guilt.

I'd also like to know

1. how you possibly managed to convince yourself you weren't putting me in a very uncomfortable situation; and

2. who the hell you think you are.

Sincerely mystified and mightily unimpressed,
OD


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Cat...a.k.a Mouse,

I really LOVE my sleep. So much so, that if you continue to wake me up at 3.30am to feed you breakfast I WILL snap, and these will be your options -

1. Staple you to a wall.
2. Put you in a drawer.
3. Mail you to Darwin.
4. Shave you till you resemble a Mexican Hairless.
5. Feed you to Wonton.

If these choices do not suit (I understand your fears), then cease and desist all psychotic and destructive behaviour immediately. Drive by slappings, shredding the quilt and climbing the curtains are only going to get you a large squirt of water. You are not starving. I said so.

Love
Mother


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Wonton,

Please read the letter above. Don't try to snow me by saying you can't read. It sounds like toy and your sidekick Mouse are secret-Skypeing in wee hours because you're BOTH doing nearly exactly the same thing except because I have no quilt, you elect to make confetti of People Magazine articles on Scarlett Johannson. Now I understand it truly is an affront to good taste but all night long? You're not running a cottage industey. Confetti isn't a rare commodity. Please cease and desist or you will be FedEx'd to Miss Mouse with enough money to ship you both to Tasmania. One wsy.

And get that catnip addiction under control because I can't afford your oatmeal cookie munchies horning in on my snack stash.

Love and scritches,
Mommy


----------



## ODFFA

tankyguy said:


> Dear Spiders:
> 
> Get your s*** together.
> You had _one_ job: capture flying insects before they bite me.
> 
> The deal was, you did this, and in return I tolerate your presence as long as you don't physically touch my body or foodstuffs.
> 
> Shape up or I'm contracting out to a mantis, and we both know they're not all that fond of you guys.
> 
> 
> -Me



Why didn't I see this sooner? Guess I was so ready to jump into my little tirade that I hardly noticed anything else. I can't rep you, but if I could have it would say "Haha! This whole letter is so wrong!"


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Liar-
I wonder if you realize just how much your mother has done for you?

She and her husband made payments on a car for you so that you would have something to drive to work. They gave you 40 dollars gas money every week for MONTHS so that you could travel to the next city over (because you were too good to work a job in this city--God forbid you have to flip burgers for some salary). How nice it was that you got the car impounded because you were driving on a suspended license because of not paying speeding tickets--and the city sold the car that didn't belong to you due to you not paying the lot rental for the impound. It wasn't YOUR car...so why should you worry about it? When you lost (quit) that job, they paid for your food, rent, cigarettes and phone bill, They made sure that your kids were well taken care of when you were being irresponsible.

How wonderful it was for your mother to take you and your two kids in when you had nowhere else to go..and how terrific it was that she fed you, put a roof over your head and took care of your children while you sat in a chair watching t.v., chain smoking cigarettes that you didn't pay for, and "texting" all while not looking for a job. How fantastic is it that she did all that while enduring breast cancer..and how fantastic is it that she couldn't get you to lift a finger to help her when she needed it (you didn't even pick up after your own kids)...even though she did all these things for you?

How nice it was that your mother had the money to bail you out of jail...not once, but two times within 4 months. She and her younger children did without so that you wouldn't have to sleep on that hard cement bed in the jail. You promised to pay her back with your tax return. How nice it was that for almost 4 months she begged you to get your taxes done so that you could pay her back what you owed her from bailing you out and from buying you a car--but you refused and made excuses why you couldn't. It must be a hell of a coincidence that now that you are living with and mooching off of someone else you had the time to go get those taxes done? And isn't it marvelous that you are now posting on facebook how you have the money to "go tanning", "buy $80 dollar shoes for yourself and $50 dollar shoes for your daughter" (while your mother has to figure out how to buy new school shoes for your sisters--cos she spent their school money on bailing you out) , go out to eat at Logan's Roadhouse (while she and her daughters are eating Ramen noodles), and hook up with your friends at a bar (while she is trying to figure out how to pay the bills because she gave you the bill money to get out of jail). 

*Hey, I have an idea...how about you PAY YOUR MOTHER BACK WHAT YOU OWE HER BEFORE INDULGING IN THINGS THAT YOU DO NOT NEED????? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. *


----------



## spiritangel

Dear C,

it took me a week to respond because I was having a bad week and did not want that to effect my reply.

You have so many times when I have tried to bring stuff up with you in phone calls shut me down with I don't want to talk about this and you have even admitted how good you are at not listening when you don't want to hear something.


It really did upset me after you saying how both you and your husband have become more aware of the issues around size acceptance and larger people largely in part due to our friendship, considering you yourself are also considered plus sized that you did the judge fat women on what they were eating when they were out and about thing and then pulled the little girl my bad when I called you on it like it was something you can just go oops about.

The way you talk about others behind their backs sometimes has me wondering what you say behind mine. You do not always know whats best for me just like I have never claimed to know what is best for you.

I had to put boundaries in place you took far to much from me emotionally and I just could not do that anymore.

I took the time to respond and at least try and sort out some stuff with you when you spewed forth a ton of negativity and stuff about me putting up brick walls all I can think is when you did that how you have been saying Mirror Mirror a lot in recent times and that maybe you are the one who has put up the brick walls because I don't allow you to controll me the way you used to.

Your response was so dismissive and whatever, you were the one to bring up not wanting to be friends anymore I never even suggested it, yet you keep throwing it back at me like a challenge. Like if I remove you from my life you can say see I told you so. I have not taken away my friendship just changed the rules so that it can be less co dependant and draining to a much healthier relationship.

I am ok if you do not want that but do not make me the bad guy when I have done nothing but be supportive at times to my own detriment.

Which is why things had to change.

I do not need another 'friend' on the fringes of my life so if you could make up your mind and get over this little tanty because I have not come crawling back begging for forgiveness it would be really lovely. 

I also took full responsibility for everything that has happened and for any mistakes I have made and appologised for them something you seem unwilling to do.

It makes me sad to think it has come to this, but also relieved in a way something was bound to give sooner or later.

It is funny that you never acknowledged that I have not once received the same level of emotional support from you that I have given you. I really hope whatever happens you learn from this and realise why you often attract transitory friends into your life or why people need breaks from you.

It also does not help that sometimes you play favorites with people.

I know some of this is stuff you would never let me talk to you about.

I care about you but also sometimes wonder if you know the difference between reality and fiction.

Whatever happens I wish you the very best life has to offer. 

With love and heartfelt gratitude for all that you have done for me, taught me and given me

Amanda


----------



## missyj1978

Dear Dims,
Thank you so much for letting me vent, laugh and make new friends here! I have SO very much enjoyed being part of this forum. I have got to know some very nice and interesting people on here. I love this place and dont see myself leaving anytime soon  Oh and thanks for letting me meet a very special person who makes my life a little better each and everyday :happy:

Love,
Missy


----------



## largenlovely

Dear sister,

I'm sorry that you haven't figured out how to say no to people, especially our horrible parents, but don't be mad at me because I AM able to say no to them. You feel like me saying no lays more responsibility at your feet but that's not true. they are not your responsibility and they are not mine either. You need to learn how to say no to them instead of being Pissed off at me for doing what you should be doing too. We both know they would take us for everything we got without a care in the world for us. Take a stand and toughen up.

All my love,
Your hard nosed sister


----------



## Oona

Dear V~

I know this isn't the ideal situation. I know this isn't what we planned on happening, but it is happening. We knew what we were doing. We knew the risks, and we still did it. 

It's not fair that you requested a few days to think about what this all means. I don't have that option. I can't take a few days, I can't think about it. I'm in it 100%. 

I'd really appreciate it if you would call me back. We need to talk about this. I need to know where you stand, where your head is. 

~C


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear wonderful man,
Talk about absence making the heart grow fonder. It drove me crazy that after not seeing you since Friday we didn't get to talk till this afternoon. And then my boss had to come by along with half the world, so that was somewhat limiting. I love that despite your having been away for the weekend, your first question was about how I got on at my theatre workshop. 

Is it obvious how I feel? Or is it all still just friendship for you? We didn't used to talk like this and we do seem to share a lot, look out for each other etc. You always seem happy to see me and I love the way we lose all track of time once we get chatting. And the fact I can open up to you and talk about my thoughts, feelings, the past, the future etc. in a way I haven't with anyone else. And weird as it was, and I'm not sure why you brought it up, even talking about a bad relationship in the past was kind of nice the other day, especially as you were kind of there when it started.

It was kind of weird the way you were talking about your much younger cousin's wedding and the fact that you don't have children and kind of said you never will, and your relationship with your cousins is the closest you'll get to that. I find it hard enough to think you are with someone else and have been since before I met you, so what did you want me to say? I could hardly ask you if it is through choice or whether you can't for some reason, could I? Or was that regret you were expressing...The same as when I inadvertently start talking about being single?? What could I say, when my only thought was how much I would like to be with you for the rest of our lives and have your children??

ARggghh! I know I can't tell you how I feel. It isn't appropriate and I can't risk ruining our friendship. But it is driving me mad right now. I love you so much. Sometimes I really do think you might have feelings for me, but sometimes, when we are both so busy with work and surrounded by bosses and colleagues we hardly get a chance to even talk alone and I'm left feeling hopeless and silly.

I just hope we can talk some more soon and I can be even closer to you as a friend at least. You make me so happy and I wish I was the one who could make you happy too.

All my love, always
LG


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear Person,

You are amazing, everything i could ever ask for. You are so perfect in my eyes, you are the perfect match for me. I couldn't ask for more with you, you are just so great. I appreciate you and glad that you are in my life and don't take anything for granted. and Dims, you are an awesome place, one of the best sites around, i appreciate you too! and if it wasn't for you i wouldn't have me that amazing person, thanks Dims.

Sincerely, Me

LOL


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear hair-
I am SO tempted, and ready but scared to cut you off!


----------



## Oona

D~

I *KNOW* you had a bad week. But just because I said that it's been the longest week of my life, doesn't mean you can jump in and tell me how your "nightmare isn't even close to being over." You don't know what's been going on in my life because, while you claim to be a friend, you're never around. Since I don't feel like your friend, I haven't kept you in the loop. 

That's right, I was in the hospital. And I didn't tell you or anyone else out in San Diego because you guys don't give two shits what's going on with me. The only time I hear from any of you, or you ask about me, is when J comes out there and I don't come with. 

I guess it just means we aren't really friends. I've tried to keep in touch with you guys via text/fb/calls. You always ignore me. It sucks, but oh well. 

~C


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear body,

HI THERE, SELF HERE, WHAT'S UHH.. WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

Going crazy,
Me.


----------



## CastingPearls

H,

Henry Miller was a banned writer a genius who wrote, among other things, Tropic of Cancer. He said in it, (There is) 'No one to whom I can communicate a fraction of my feelings' in talking about his desolation and isolation. 

I have you, what little you say you have to offer. The depth of loneliness and longing is not that of a young girl in love or inexperienced but of a mature woman determined to better herself, live her life, experience a full measure of joy within it. 

I know, as you say, I deserve it, but others have lived and died deserving better and had not received it. If you ever question why I say the things I say to you and even about you, it's because of the depth of feeling and kinship I feel even if you should stop. 

No, I never do stop loving. Years will go by and I'll be forgotten, or worse, yet another man's greatest regret that I slipped through his fingers, a waste which angers me with the futility of it because their choices always benefited but I didn't. And still I loved. Even after their choices didn't. 

We're soul mates even if we miss each other in this lifetime. I hope to God we don't.

And if I fight you, if I struggle, if I frustrate you or am frustrated by the futility of my situation thus far, it's with passion because I fight for you, not against you, even knowing I will likely lose you. That is the truth.

And now, I've probably made a fool of myself but that's okay because I literally have nothing left to lose. You have my heart, which I freely gave and was all I had left. 

L


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear Person,

I am so very sorry, i feel sick to my stomach. I didn't mean things that way. It hurts me that you are hurt. Please forgive me, i care about you more then anything please know that from all my heart.

Sincerely, Me.


----------



## Librarygirl

This is becoming a habit, but my feelings are driving me crazy...

Dear lovely man,
I hope I'm not acting too weird cos of how I feel. I seem to veer between confidently teasing you / speaking my mind and feeling weirdly shy / not knowing what to say. And life is not always wildly exciting for either of us, so I like that we can be honest. And yet we just keep talking and never run out of things to say. I was so happy to see you today. And it was so sweet the way you broke your biscuit and gave me half. I don't know what this is, but we never used to talk so often or about non-work things. The world falls away when I am standing looking into your eyes. And you smell so good it's like a drug. I love the way you make me feel better about things and REALLY listen. I hope you know how attractive I find you. I want you so much. I hope I can keep overcoming my shyness so we really get to know each other, even if for now it can only be as friends. You mean the world to me. It amazes me that there is someone out there who seems to understand me and who is on the same wavelength in so many ways. I just hope I can be confident enough to be there for you like you are for me, and not to get tongue-tied when we have 'deep' conversations. Cos I really do think about the same things you do.

I love you.
LG


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Fate,

Please, please bring us together for good before winter.. the Farmers Almanac prediction has me fearful, especially with certain things still unknown. I'd. . I'd really appreciate living with him before then, if for no other reason than that. 

Pleadingly yours,
Moi.


----------



## Oona

Ex-

You are a pompous ass, you know that, right? As weird as it may seem, your new wife is STILL my best friend. She was there for me more than you ever were before we split, during the divorce, and even now. I have no idea why you think you can pin us against each other. She and I know how to communicate, we talk about any issues. You, on the other hand, are an amazingly horrible liar. You can't tell her one thing and me another in regards to Piper and NOT expect me to talk to her and find out the truth. 

You need to learn that you are NOT number one in my book, you haven't been for over 3 years now. Piperchan is my number 1 and your wife is my friend, and not surprisingly, my number 2. You are just someone I have to deal with because we have a child together. I honestly wish I didn't have to see you or speak to you ever again. THAT would make my life complete. 

So get over yourself. Stop trying to make life difficult for everyone. If you just knock that shit off, I promise even YOUR life will get less complex. Seriously.

~C


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Insomnia,
I wish I knew what the recurring dream means . All I know is its too odd and weird. Nobody has dreams like that.
Signed
Sleep deprived 
Me.


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear Chewbarka,
Please learn lots of stuff tonight and be a good boy for us so i can relax a little more with you around.

Thanks,
me


----------



## missyj1978

Dear Grass,
Your nothing but a pain in the ass lol! Please stop growing, your just to much for me this summer and cant seem to keep up with you. You know that I am tired of cutting you. If you would just slow down a little bit I would like you so much more. 

Thank you, 
Pissed off Missy


----------



## spiritangel

Dear John,

You know today is the only day that makes me sad you are not a part of my life.

I know you never really wanted me and only said yes to adopting me for Mum's sake 

but disowning me over something stupid, when you barely had anything to do with me at all anyway is really crazy given I am an only child.

And you wondered why I refused to send a new fathers day card all those years its because you stopped being my father when you left when I was 15. It just took me a long time to realise it.

Happy Fathers Day

Love 

The Screw Up


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear You,

I hope I made you happy this morning. From the way you've acted this afternoon, I suspect that I did. 

Moi


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Dimensions,

Guess who's back?


T.R.P.


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear person,

Damn give me everything! that is all.

Sincerely, Me


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Dimensions,
> 
> Guess who's back?
> 
> 
> T.R.P.



*waves to Kevin*


----------



## TwilightStarr

Lovelyone said:


> Dear hair-
> I am SO tempted, and ready but scared to cut you off!



I know what you mean, I feel the exact same way right now!


----------



## Rojodi

Dear Ignorant Server

I am sorry that you lost your job, but your telling me about how you and your father lost 30 lbs each on the Atkins diet while refusing to give me the salad I ordered was uncalled for. Your tears had no effect on me. You argued with me, your supervisor saw it, heard what you were telling me.

It's all on you, not on me

Sincerely
I know I'm fat, but that doesn't give YOU the right to push your thoughts and life onto me


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear Person,

Damn, i miss you already.

Sincerely, Me. lol


----------



## KHayes666

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> *waves to Kevin*



Dear G.E.F.


Always great to see you again


----------



## Victoria08

Dear A,
I've been thinking about you a lot lately. It's like I've suddenly realized how much I've missed talking to you over the past few months.
I can't wait for you to come back from Japan!
~ V


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear Wu-Tang Clan: 

It is clear to see why and how you failed math, as you cannot make a dollar out of fifteen cents.

Sincerely, - smart guy.


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear friend,

I care about you, but you have to realize that my lack of desire to hangout with you isn't personal, it's how I am. It exhausts me to be around people, even you! I know "That's selfish" and I'm a bitch, oh fucking well. You wonder why I'm sick all the time? You. You make me sick, because I can't have any alone time. Let us not mention the facebook stalking/watching and then "OH YOU POSTED SHIT TWO HOURS AGO" comes up and you know what? Just piss off with that. How irritating! 

I just want to be able to say "I don't feel up to company today" without being accused of being a terrible person with hidden agendas or secretly hating you. Sorry, I care, stop telling yourself I don't and playing the victim card when I haven't done anything to you! I want to be able to be honest but you make it so hard, so I lie and hide in my house [because god forbid you see me in public] do you know how much it drives me crazy to sit in this house all because I didn't feel like seeing anyone today? 

You're half the reason I can't wait to move, no matter how many times I talk to you, you make me feel so .. awful. But I care about you so much, I apologize and I stay. I don't know how often I'm going to see you once we part ways, but frankly I'm really looking forward to a long-distance friendship.

Frustratedly,
Your anti-social friend.


----------



## Tad

Dear libido: I miss you, please come home soon--life is more exciting with you around.


----------



## missyj1978

Dear T,
I cant seem to thank you enough for always being supportive of me. You have been a great friend, and more:batting: I hope we can always be able to talk and get along as we do now. Nothing makes me more happy then talking, laughing, being silly and totaly serious. Our long conversations make me know I have not only made a best friend but hopefully one day my lover and partner:wubu: Please always remember your on my mind every second of the day:kiss2:

Missy


----------



## ODFFA

Dear Wonderful One,

I don't know if you'll see this here any time soon, but if and whenever you do, I think it's fair to say you deserve another apology.

What I did when I questioned you yet again was categorically and inexcusably wrong, and I love you too much to not admit it again publicly.

That must have hurt like hell, even though it was the furthest thing from my intention. Please don't ever doubt yourself because my ability to trust has been temporarily stripped away. That's not your fault and it shouldn't be your baggage to deal with. 

You are so caring and so special. You have immense strength of character. Don't let me or anyone else ever make you feel any different.

My momentary lapse of sanity really hurt you and for that I am sincerely, publicly and infinitely sorry.


Never wished for an 'undo' button more,
OD


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear Mom,

I find myself missing you more and more lately, as everything in my life seems on the fast-track to changing in major ways, there's so much I wish I could share with you.. ask you.. laugh about with you. 

School is starting, I never thought I'd say it, but I miss being woken up by you and him saying the pledge and arguing about him doing his schoolwork. I even miss you pounding on my door to tell me to turn my TV down because class was starting.. I miss your voice.. 

Yet even though this is the second school year and round of holidays we've "celebrated".. I can't even call it that... the second round we'll sort of "struggle through" without you, I cannot find it in me to fully admit to myself that you're gone.. or to anyone else, for that matter. 

Don't get me wrong, I've come close, but I reel myself back in and distract myself again. It's not time, I don't know when the time will be, but it's not now. Perhaps before I finally move from this hell-hole of a state, I'll be able to take a trip with my fiance to where you currently reside and have my moment, maybe then I'll be able to let go and whisper a few parting words before I move forward with my life. I would like that, a lot.. 

You were not my biological mother, but you showed me much more compassion and understanding and acceptance than I've ever felt from my real one.. Thank you. 

Rest well.. queen of the dragonflies.

Always with love,
Your Daughter.


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear M,

You are just so perfect for me. I love everything about you, your mannerisms, the way you talk laugh everything, everything down to the smallest details. I think we were made for each other honestly, so glad and thankful you are in my life. I hope you always will be no matter what, never have felt this way about anyone else, i am glad we can be friends and more, glad we know each other and met. You are the greatest thing since sliced bread. You are gorgeous, funny, great and everything in between. You are the best.

Sincerely, Me!


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear Cat:

I see you fishing the Junior Mints and M&Ms out of my Quick Chek grocery bag. Enjoy! And yes, fight with your rival.

- Sincerely


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear best friend,

I love you, and I promise I don't think I'm better than you at all! I just don't want to risk bringing fleas back to MY pets, or risking having to use the bucket in your kitchen if I have to go to the bathroom. Sweetheart, you chose this life, I'm glad you're happy, but I can't do it lady! I can't, and I won't! 

With utmost sincerity,
Death-cow.


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear Person,

You are great, no matter what. If no one can see your awesomeness, then that is too bad. You are great, smart, beautiful, funny, and everything in between. You always have me, i like you for who you are, and what you are.

Sincerely, Me.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Lasagna,

I'm going to make you soon....and utilize that eggplant idea from the low-carb thread. You better be good!

Hungrily Yours,
Moi


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Lasagna,
> 
> I'm going to make you soon....and utilize that eggplant idea from the low-carb thread. You better be good!
> 
> Hungrily Yours,
> Moi




Dear GEF,

I had some yesterday, was soooo good.

Sincerely, Me  LOL


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear "Friend"-
I've put forth more effort on my friendship/relationship with you than I have with any other person on the planet. It's time that you do the same in return. This whole I-love-the-chase-but-I-am-going-to-ditch-when-I-get-caught thing is just annoying and,quite frankly it is extremely insulting. I am finished with the chasing after people who do not really want to be caught. Instead I think I will turn around and embrace those who are chasing me.

I am not your on line fat girl call center. There is no menu that you get to choose from. You cannot press #1 and then I will chat about what and how much food I ate today. You cannot press #2 and have your ego stroked. By pressing #3 you will not get me to talk dirty to you...so that you can have a fat girl orgasm. I am not that person and if you think I am--you might as well move on--because I have truly had enough of the leading on and the game playing. I don't feel that my life's purpose is to be your on again/ off again something or other. My life's purpose is to be someone's priority and NOT someone's option. I am through comforting you, telling you what a great person you are, complementing you, making you feel great about yourself--when you do not do the same for me. I don't like traveling down a one-way street. I deserve to travel roads that will take me to where I desire to go. I do not want to put myself out by staying up late so that I can chat with you when you get home from work. You won't do that for me...even when you do not have to work the next day. I don't like talking to you about my life and sharing with you intimate details...when you won't bother to share information about yourself. Honestly, the whole "I am going to bed cos my back hurts" thing is BULLSHIT and it's the thing that tipped my bullshit meter past its highest capacity. I am seriously shocked at myself that it took THIS LONG to see it. That you think that I should be the only one who is inconvenienced...is just not acceptable to me. I won't be making myself available for you any more. I won't take your calls, I will not chat with you on yahoo...until you decide that making time for me is a priority. Enough Said? 
Terri


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Lovelyone said:


> Dear "Friend"-
> I've put forth more effort on my friendship/relationship with you than I have with any other person on the planet. It's time that you do the same in return. This whole I-love-the-chase-but-I-am-going-to-ditch-when-I-get-caught thing is just annoying and,quite frankly it is extremely insulting. I am finished with the chasing after people who do not really want to be caught. Instead I think I will turn around and embrace those who are chasing me.
> 
> I am not your on line fat girl call center. There is no menu that you get to choose from. You cannot press #1 and then I will chat about what and how much food I ate today. You cannot press #2 and have your ego stroked. By pressing #3 you will not get me to talk dirty to you...so that you can have a fat girl orgasm. I am not that person and if you think I am--you might as well move on--because I have truly had enough of the leading on and the game playing. I don't feel that my life's purpose is to be your on again/ off again something or other. My life's purpose is to be someone's priority and NOT someone's option. I am through comforting you, telling you what a great person you are, complementing you, making you feel great about yourself--when you do not do the same for me. I don't like traveling down a one-way street. I deserve to travel roads that will take me to where I desire to go. I do not want to put myself out by staying up late so that I can chat with you when you get home from work. You won't do that for me...even when you do not have to work the next day. I don't like talking to you about my life and sharing with you intimate details...when you won't bother to share information about yourself. Honestly, the whole "I am going to bed cos my back hurts" thing is BULLSHIT and it's the thing that tipped my bullshit meter past its highest capacity. I am seriously shocked at myself that it took THIS LONG to see it. That you think that I should be the only one who is inconvenienced...is just not acceptable to me. I won't be making myself available for you any more. I won't take your calls, I will not chat with you on yahoo...until you decide that making time for me is a priority. Enough Said?
> Terri




Wow, great post Lovelyone. :bow: would have repped you but couldn't! :doh:


----------



## CleverBomb

HeavyDuty24 said:


> Wow, great post Lovelyone. :bow: would have repped you but couldn't! :doh:


Got her for ya.


----------



## HeavyDuty24

CleverBomb said:


> Got her for ya.



Thanks alot! :bow:


----------



## Diana_Prince245

Dear male gaming friends,

I love you all. I really do. But it's is really annoying when you give every guy who comes over and talks to me during Friday Night Magic a hard time. None of you have ever asked me out or expressed any interest, so back off the men who do.

If you don't, I'm knocking you out first in next week's tournament.

Love,

DP


----------



## KHayes666

Diana_Prince245 said:


> Dear male gaming friends,
> 
> I love you all. I really do. But it's is really annoying when you give every guy who comes over and talks to me during Friday Night Magic a hard time. None of you have ever asked me out or expressed any interest, so back off the men who do.
> 
> If you don't, I'm knocking you out first in next week's tournament.
> 
> Love,
> 
> DP



White knighting nerds....the worst


----------



## Oona

Dear You~

I was the bigger person. I was polite and responsible. Yes, I moved when you were out of town, but you didn't give me the chance to talk to you. And I even cleaned the house. I took care of your dogs and made sure they were ok while you we're gone. 

And now you're mad at me? How does that make sense?

-Me


----------



## Victoria08

Dear...I don't know who to address this to. God? Universe? Fate?
You can't let this be a repeat of what happened 4 years ago. You just can't. She almost died last time. She can't deal with going through that again...and neither can I. So when we get the results on Thursday, it better not be the same as before.
Besides, our family has a pattern of receiving bad news in August and we can't suddenly have a bad August _and_ September. That's just cruel.
So...just make this better, ok?
Sincerely,
Scared but putting on a brave face.


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Diana_Prince245 said:


> Dear male gaming friends,
> 
> I love you all. I really do. But it's is really annoying when you give every guy who comes over and talks to me during Friday Night Magic a hard time. None of you have ever asked me out or expressed any interest, so back off the men who do.
> 
> If you don't, I'm knocking you out first in next week's tournament.
> 
> Love,
> 
> DP



Haha some of them might want to, they just maybe are too shy or they dont want to ruin you guy's freindship or make things akward haha lol.


----------



## KHayes666

All powerful sources of the paranormal,

For the past 21 months I have been tormented, ignored and been treated badly by hollow entities disguised as human beings with compassion. Tomorrow I send in my finest work, once the word spreads it could lead to better things. With that said, when the time is right I shall take my revenge on those who wronged me. The pen is mightier than the sword and its time to put the pen to good use. Please give me the power to do so.


-Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

To all of my amazing friends here,

Thank you for always giving me advice and encouragement when I need it most, you don't know how much it means to me. I know I don't say it enough, so thank you thank you thank you! :wubu: :happy: 

Sincerely,
Moi.


----------



## spiritangel

Your Plump Princess said:


> To all of my amazing friends here,
> 
> Thank you for always giving me advice and encouragement when I need it most, you don't know how much it means to me. I know I don't say it enough, so thank you thank you thank you! :wubu: :happy:
> 
> Sincerely,
> Moi.



Love You Beautiful!!!




Dear Sexy Voice

Please don't let this all be just some kind of game or fantasy.

Love

Hoping for the Best


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear homemade Southwestern Chicken parm pizza-
I know that you did not know I was having a bad day when I made you...but you sure did make my day brighter with all of your yummy deliciousness. If only I had one more bite of you, it would make my day complete. I shall have you again in the near future. 
Terriliscious


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Wonton,

It's time for us to hit the road again, but this time, we're going to a new home just for us. We will be safe and happy. 

I see you eyeing me as I pack and I see you're worried. I will never leave you. You will always come with me. We are a team. It's rough and you've been a little trooper. The reward is just a few days away and that will take adjusting but both of us have learned to adjust a lot, haven't we?

I'm so proud that you made friends with TWO dogs. Not so happy that you followed them outside but at least you're back in the house. You made a friend out of our lovely hostess and I think she'll miss you as much as you will miss her and her doggies. I know I will. 

You're my copilot and have been with me from the beginning of this journey two years ago and it's only going to get better!

Love,
Lainey (Mama)


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear real life friend,

If you're going to accuse me of lying to you, at least do so with just cause and not simply because you don't understand how to do basic math.. :doh: 

Lost-For-Words,
Megan.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

CastingPearls said:


> Dear Wonton,
> 
> It's time for us to hit the road again, but this time, we're going to a new home just for us. We will be safe and happy.
> 
> I see you eyeing me as I pack and I see you're worried. I will never leave you. You will always come with me. We are a team. It's rough and you've been a little trooper. The reward is just a few days away and that will take adjusting but both of us have learned to adjust a lot, haven't we?
> 
> I'm so proud that you made friends with TWO dogs. Not so happy that you followed them outside but at least you're back in the house. You made a friend out of our lovely hostess and I think she'll miss you as much as you will miss her and her doggies. I know I will.
> 
> You're my copilot and have been with me from the beginning of this journey two years ago and it's only going to get better!
> 
> Love,
> Lainey (Mama)



Can't rep you yet, but I'm so glad you two have each other.  :bow:


----------



## spiritangel

Dear me


Stop freaking out, honesty is never a bad thing. You will have your answer soon enough

in the meantime get on with the business of life

sincerly

Your more wise calmer self


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky

A second chance is delightful, so thank you for that. 

Love Kimberly


----------



## HeavyDuty24

Dear Self and Person,

I know it will all be ok in the end and everything will work out in the end like it's supposed to, it's just a sad and fucked up situation and it sucks. I will be ok, just the process of it all that sucks. But im getting there getting alittle better slowly..

Sincerely, a this sucks Me LOL.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Amanda

I know your scared, I know this brings up a whole heap of insecurities you thought you had already overcome. I know that this whole process is making you antsy. Try and relax and flow with it.

You know that if it all crashes in a heap, you have gotten through this sort of thing before and you will be fine.

I know that it working out probably scares you more than anything as then there is so much more to loose.

Know that whatever happens you will get through it, learn and grow as you always have.

So now can you take a chill pill and focus on the things you need to do

Sincerely 

that wiser, calmer part of you.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Jackass Ebay bidder,

There were 5 other magazines (the same one) available and you chose to bid on mine with 25 seconds left.......thanks a lot. Now I have to wait 4 days for the next auction to end.

-
T.R.P.


----------



## Victoria08

Dear Spider that is somehow living in my car,
Fuck off. 
No, seriously...fuck off. I don't like you.
I was driving on the highway when I saw you dangling from my mirror. I know you're there. And I want you gone by the time I get back in my car tomorrow.
Deal?
~ V


----------



## Oona

Dearest L~

I had a fantastic weekend with you. From grocery shopping, to chatting, to watching movies on the "Love Sac". 

But out of everything, sleeping next to you was the best. I slept like a baby. For the first time in a long time, my insomnia met its match and lost. Thank you for that.

I know our work schedules will not always mesh that well. I know it'll be a while before we have a weekend together again. Your cuddles are worth the wait. 

And you make some delicious food. 

<3 
Me


----------



## Your Plump Princess

Dear October and November,

Please be gentle with us, we'd really like to spend Christmas together.

Sincerely,
Waiting in Wisconsin.


----------



## x0emnem0x

Dear Useless-Pathetic-Selfish-Embarrassing-Idiotic-Lazy Brother,

Congrats at making your bland, false assumptions. I'm not very social? Really? Funny, I'm _ACTUALLY_ quite social! Sort of anti-social at times, around those I don't know, but no... I tend to not want to lean towards "getting to know" your low-life druggie "friends", and THAT does not make me "not very social"... You're almost 30, you have 4 kids that you don't get to see because your ex-wife has them (you chased her off, too), and you're moving back into your mothers. You HAD a house, but can't keep it because you rent it out to random ass meth heads and expect them to pay you. Stop mooching off of everyone, stop expecting everyone to "help you out", DO IT YOURSELF, and stop taking everything for granted. GET A LIFE and stop screwing up ours!

Pissed-Off Sister


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear You
I know that you expected it to bother me but it truly didn't. I sit here almost giggling at your stupidity. Be careful though cos Karma doesn't forget and you've got a shit load coming. I don't have to help it along but I can't wait to see it happen especially since you don't think that you've done ANYTHING to deserve it. When it finally happens you are going to be SO blindsided. I'm gonna make myself a bowl of popcorn and watch as things happen. Good luck with that shit.


----------



## KHayes666

To Karma,

Its about time! The woman who screwed my friend over is now $60,000 in debt, the worthless you know what that once said her husband was more of a man than me is filing for divorce because in her words "he never does anything" meanwhile my article is FRONT PAGE NEWS in the paper I write for. I knew you'd come around, now about someone else I know and the 3,300 dollars she owes me....


-TSH


----------



## Emma

Dear sinuses. 

I know you hate me. I can tell that by how you get blocked every time I eat something but can you please lay off me a bit because now I have a cold too and I feel like I've been repeatedly punched in the face. 


Love always,

Me.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear whomsoever cares.
While I was happy to see a chat on this site again, I am also reminded why I left it in the first place. Apparently the people who send me messages aren't aware that asking questions like, "How much do you weigh" and "Do you want to be bigger than you are now?"-"Will you eat----amounts of food for me?" and "What's your favorite sex position" BEFORE even asking someone's name is rude, boorish, immature, insulting and uncivilized behavior. 

Signed, 
Not sure that chat is a good idea.


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Lovelyone,

You can block individuals and private chats (already had to do it). If they are doing it in the main room, it gets rectified pretty darn quick. 

Chat can be fun. Come on, give it another chance? 

Me


----------



## CleverBomb

Dear rude chatters:

See? _This_ is why we can't have nice things.


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear Fate or whatever,
Please let tomorrow be a good day and let me have some time alone with N, given that it will be nearly two weeks till we see each other again. Just for once it would be nice if neither of us is acting weird / stressed cos of work so we can have a proper chat. Also please for once could my co-workers stop walking through the middle of our conversations. How hard is it to be alone in that place, which is ridiculous given the labyrinthine nature of the building!!? There are so many things I need to say / ask and fate seems to have conspired against us this past few weeks. Don't let him think I'm crazy cos I was so stressed about work stuff when he came to see me today. Give me confidence and self-assurance and let me tell him what I really think and maybe even hint at how I feel and how much I a) wish all goes well on his trip and b) will miss him, even though I'm away too. It seems like every time one of us tries to reach out, the other one is too busy / stressed and it just gets more and more confusing...yet not so long ago we seemed to be getting so close. I miss how things were even a couple of months ago.
Librarygirl


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear female friends,

Thank you for encouraging me and inspiring me to be a better person. 
Thank you for leading me to and giving me a place to recover, taking a risk without ever having met me.
Thank you for believing in me and reminding me of what I've already accomplished and am capable of in the future. 
Thank you for being examples of the woman I want to be when I'm older. 
Thank you for showing by your example how to take care of the earth.
Thank you for welcoming and caring for Wonton and respecting that she's as close to a child as I may ever have.
Thank you for your generosity both of spirit and emotion but also of being physically present and able when I was unable. 
Thank you for giving me faith in other women again. I really needed that. 

May God/Universe bless you doubly what you did for me, and continue to bless you and keep you.

Lainey


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

CastingPearls said:


> Dear female friends,
> 
> Thank you for encouraging me and inspiring me to be a better person.
> Thank you for leading me to and giving me a place to recover, taking a risk without ever having met me.
> Thank you for believing in me and reminding me of what I've already accomplished and am capable of in the future.
> Thank you for being examples of the woman I want to be when I'm older.
> Thank you for showing by your example how to take care of the earth.
> Thank you for welcoming and caring for Wonton and respecting that she's as close to a child as I may ever have.
> Thank you for your generosity both of spirit and emotion but also of being physically present and able when I was unable.
> Thank you for giving me faith in other women again. I really needed that.
> 
> May God/Universe bless you doubly what you did for me, and continue to bless you and keep you.
> 
> Lainey



Lainey, I hope you realize how very much of an inspiration you are to others. They may not all speak up, but I imagine there are women out there right now going, "Maybe I'm NOT stuck in this abusive relationship for the rest of my life... maybe there IS hope." You are amazing. Amazing, amazing, amazing. <3 :bow:


----------



## Sweetie

Dear M,

You've taken me for granted for way too long. I've told you very clearly that I'm not happy and looking elsewhere for happiness. Don't play the wounded, shocked injured party when I walk away.

Me


----------



## missyj1978

Sweetie said:


> Dear M,
> 
> You've taken me for granted for way too long. I've told you very clearly that I'm not happy and looking elsewhere for happiness. Don't play the wounded, shocked injured party when I walk away.
> 
> Me



It wouldn't let me rep you but YES! I have been telling guys this for years!! Some get it some don't.


----------



## KHayes666

Dear TBS,

The fact your announcers were openly cheering for the Tampa Bay Rays will make it that much sweeter if the Red Sox knock Jeremy Hellickson six ways from Sunday tomorrow night.


-TSH


----------



## CleverBomb

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Lainey, I hope you realize how very much of an inspiration you are to others. They may not all speak up, but I imagine there are women out there right now going, "Maybe I'm NOT stuck in this abusive relationship for the rest of my life... maybe there IS hope." You are amazing. Amazing, amazing, amazing. <3 :bow:


She's right, you know.


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear s, 
You tell me to lean on you. You tell me to take it easy and don't do those chores. So i relent and let you. Dishes are piled up and nothings getting done. How am i supposed to sit idly by while the place goes to hell. You didn't take the wagon out of the trunk and we need groceries, so yeah, i killed my back again carrying that f'in wagon out of the car to the house. You dropped the ball and then scold me about doing what needs to be done.. yeah.. that's cool.

Your back hurtin' wife


----------



## Rojodi

Dear Pickup Driving Moron:

Be grateful I have great reflexes, or you'd be screwed. Couldn't see me? I'm wearing a freak optic orange t-shirt. Maybe if you weren't on the phone and paying attention you'd have seen me?

You have the right of way because the crosswalk signal had the red hand up? Vehicles have to give the right of way to pedestrians in the crosswalk when they have the light.

I should pay attention to traffic? Again, I wasn't driving and on my cell phone!

Signed, 
Great Moves for a 49-Year-Old and I want a piece of pie now


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear God/ fate/ universe,
Thank u for a truly lovely day, personally and professionally. I was reminded of how wonderful my job can be and what nice colleagues I have. And having a proper chat with a certain man and putting the weirdness of recent weeks behind us and looking forward to catching up when we're both back from our travels. 

Thank u!
Librarygirl

Dear wonderful man,
I am so happy we have cleared the air had a good chat. It will be so sweet to catch up after all our travels. And in the meantime I'll be thinking of that hug.
I've no idea if you know how I feel, but I love you and the more time we spend together the more I love you.
Take care,
All my love,
Librarygirl


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky

Where are you and do you even hear me?

Kimberly


----------



## Sweetie

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe/Guy in the sky
> 
> Where are you and do you even hear me?
> 
> Kimberly



I could have written the same letter today.


----------



## spookytwigg

Dear days,
Why are you not my day off yet?


----------



## missyj1978

Dear body,
You need to really act your age. I mean come on your 35 and acting 75 wtf is wrong with you? One would think that after all these years you would have your shit together. I am tired of you leaving me in pain and in and out of doctors and the ER. Get together because I have had enough of your crap.

Signed,
Your pissed off owner


----------



## Sweetie

This is the email I sent to the man who claimed he loved me and has had me twisting in the wind for three years. Yes, I'm a very foolish woman. I've learned a very tough lesson. But reality is here, so...time to move on.

Dear M,

Back in September you invited me to come to Florida. I refused. I wrote you an email explaining why I wouldnt be coming. I spelled it out very clearly why I do not feel loved by you. Why I feel like nothing more than a toy.

This is taken directly from that letter.

"You've not sent me a card, a letter, a flower since then. Nothing that a man does for the woman he loves. I understand about money. But you could manage to buy me a cheap card, and send me some flowers once in a while. They have deals for $20 to send flowers all the time. But I'm not worth even that to you. If we lived in the same state, wouldn't it be a normal thing to go out a few times a month? You've never even taken me out for a cheeseburger. Yet I have scheduled my every waking moment around you. When I asked you for something that wouldn't have cost you anything but some minor inconvenience your response was an immediate no. The truth is that you don't really love me and I know it. You might like talking to me, enjoy knowing that I love you, but thats all it is for you. I'm something you do in your spare time like a hobby, and not even one that's all that important to you. "

You had the perfect opportunity...my 50th birthday, to show me that I was wrong. But not surprisingly, you didn't take it. Because the truth is you don't love me. So there you have it. The truth. Cold Ugly Truth.

Linda


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear ice cream truck:

Come here!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Linda (aka Sweetie)- I am so sorry that someone has made you to feel like you aren't worth all of those things and more. This person obviously hasn't a clue that he's passing by one of the nicest people here on Earth. His loss is some more deserving man's gain. You absolutely ARE worth all of that and more. Never forget that. 

Dear Legs-
I know I gave you a good workout yesterday that you were not expecting. Thank you very much for not cramping on me in the middle of the night like you usually do when I over do it.


----------



## Sweetie

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Linda (aka Sweetie)- I am so sorry that someone has made you to feel like you aren't worth all of those things and more. This person obviously hasn't a clue that he's passing by one of the nicest people here on Earth. His loss is some more deserving man's gain. You absolutely ARE worth all of that and more. Never forget that.
> 
> Dear Legs-
> I know I gave you a good workout yesterday that you were not expecting. Thank you very much for not cramping on me in the middle of the night like you usually do when I over do it.



Thank you Lovelyone.


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear customers:

Come on in!


----------



## Sweetie

Dear Body,

You might not be in the best shape, but you're holding my heart, and its feeling pretty darn happy today. 

Me


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear Starkist Solid White Albacore Tuna:

You are my new favorite.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Aubrey-
You are the sweetest and kindest little girl on the planet. I never have to look far to find someone who loves me when you are around. Love you, munchkin.
Aunt Tay.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Week 

Please go by quickly

signed glad when it is over


----------



## KHayes666

Dear you know who,

Hahahahahahaahahaha....haaaaaaaaahhahahahahahahahahahahaha. Enjoy divorce court just like I called 3 years ago. The difference between you and me is I may be a rotten, horrible man but at least I admit it and I never lied about who I love. Now you're saying you never loved him in the first place and you had to force yourself to do it (after claiming he was more of a man than me), that just makes it that much sweeter.

signed,

a happy karma customer


----------



## Sweetie

Dear Cute Guy I Just Started Talking To:

Yes, you're quite handsome and sexy, but NO...I will NOT send you pics of myself in my pjs.

Me


----------



## Webmaster

Dear Audi,

After having received all your emails, including some from the local dealership, I thought you wanted to sell me a car real bad. But apparently not, as I got no response at all to my email inquiry to the local sales exec. Oh well. A few years ago, BMW also didn't seem interested in selling a car. Go figure.


----------



## ODFFA

Dear Zorro,

I'm so glad I got to meet you on Sunday and that I was in a good frame of mind when I did.

Four weeks seems like forever until I get to bring you home. I know you're only canine, but do you think there's *any way you could perhaps grow up just a tad faster? 'Cause, well, I'm just going to level with you..... I really need you right now.

Life this past month has been..... not as nice a bitch as your mom seems to be. My brain could really use some puppy-oxytocin from cuddles etc. Also, the routine of looking after you and the outdoor walks are going to do me the world of good and keep my mind honed in on something positive.

So practise your listening skills, get cuter by the day and then get your fluffy butt over here. Seriously little dude, your company would be immensely appreciated right now.

- Your person


----------



## Tad

Dear Zorro;

You may not realize it yet, but based on the above letter, you are one lucky puppy, and are going to a great home!

Now, one skill you should work on is helping Odette break the ice with BHM....

Regards;

--The Peanut Gallery


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear Lady Of The Night with the Tagged page:

I should have known, but now I do want my loan back.


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear Individual:

Do you consider yourself special?


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear Hat:

It's time to wash you. I hope your colors don't fade in the wash.. but that band of sweat, is getting too moist for me! Eeew.


----------



## Amaranthine

Dear self, 

I figured that I'd miss my 9am class sometime this semester - really, it was just a matter of when. I can accept that. But do you really have to eliminate an entire morning's worth of memory? At least if I recalled walking across my room and turning off the alarm, I could write it off as a lapse of self-control. I'd take that over waking up totally confused. 

Also, totally wouldn't have happened if you hadn't spent all night tossing and turning. You don't even deserve a nicely signed letter, so there :|


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear Job: 

I showed you that I can be a sort of track star today. Thank you for the positive recognition! I know today was a GREAT day there.


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear Mom: 

For the 1000th time... Grammy has dementia, and other diseases. Why she thinks _I_ took the money when I don't even go down there.. You call me a thief, then? I don't care if it IS an 80-something year old lady, she has to shut up. It makes me infuriated. You say so yourself that the $400 could be in a plastic bag in the fridge, that you just don't know. But DON'T pin it on me because I share an address. NOBODY is happy about losing money like that. Hell, I lost $200 to a prostitute, to show myself that giving money to have friends doesnt work. But _back up off the accusations. You have no idea how angry they make me. And I have anger issues, at least at this time._

Source:



> Hi. This conversationis about Son.
> 
> Mom doesn't like havning him here. She is convinced that he took money off her table (i wasn't here; she says the door was left open because she ran down to the dryer, leaving money on the table in plain sight). She swears she heard him on the steps. After a month, that envelope never was found. Possibly he did take it, though I HATE to even think it. But, Mom thinks he does. When I'm not here she always keeps her kitchen.door locked. Plainly, she does not trust him.
> 
> He has a part-time job in a fast-food place. The license thing? Though we've been paying surcharges and his driving privileges are restored, he has no actual license because the DMV insists that he go out to ---- first to settle some fine or foul-up, and then onto -------- for the same thing, BEFORE they will issue him a license. So what does that mean? The insurance people cancelled his insurance because they say he doesn't have a license. Now I am the one driving him to and from work so that he doesn't lose the job. I do not need this extra burden, but it is good to keep him employed. The car he has won't pass inspection. He sunk lots of money into this clunker and now can't even drive it.



As I said, Mom: Stop with the accusations.

Oh, and, also, Mom: Stop trying to say the car I have is a POS. No. Just because it isn't a mid-2000s like yours, and because your mechanic you went ot school with and owns his own shop, that doesn't qualify him. That car and I have been through hell. I use it as I need. STOP TALKING STUFF ABOUT IT. Did you ever think that he told you stories about how NJ inspection goes? That I am changing the part for the emissions? I wrote the insurance company, too, with my Restoration notice, so, what they are saying continues to be false.

I am going out to check on this second job. You brought Grandma out on the drive to come get me today. If you do this again, i will drive in myself.

And, from further:



> I know neither of you likes having Joe around. He is in an unfortunate spot, some of it his fault, some not. Remember, brains are "wired" differently than ours. He makes bad choices and doesn't know how to interpret signals or feelings proper;ly. That's a real handicap.
> 
> If you could help in any way to relocate him to the general area where you are, I would be relieved. I would expect him to get a job, which he seems to always want to do anyhow. I know you can't let him live in your houses, but if you could find a place, I'd be grateful.
> 
> If I found a genie in a bottle right now I would wish for a month-long vacation on Fantasy Island!! THIS BORING ROUTINE GETS WORSE EVERY DAY. I Am bored yet stressed at the same time. I'm asking for your help.
> 
> Please don't just write back "throw him out" as you know that is not a fix. He has nowhere to go.Just ask around, please, and maybe check some classifieds for us.
> 
> Thanks for reading.



So, now I know what's up. I never did trust you much, and I know that is what you have been whispering about on your phone. Now I know the details. 

Can't tell you how irate I get when I get accused of something I didn't even know existed. Did you ever notice how Gram says "they" took it?
How "they" could come in, through a 1" open window?
How "they" said something?
.. and never says who "they" are?

This gets me all mad, very much so. I am going to go down and avoid my sister. It's good you have money for her hair appointments. So let me have some.. That oxygen sensor sucks down all my gas.


----------



## Oona

Dear Coffee~

Thank you for making work more tolerable.

<3
Me


----------



## Surlysomething

YAY COFFEE!

:bow::bow:




Oona said:


> Dear Coffee~
> 
> Thank you for making work more tolerable.
> 
> <3
> Me



View attachment 1240154_593831387330312_1923022251_n.jpg


----------



## Oona

Surlysomething said:


> YAY COFFEE!
> 
> :bow::bow:



I need that sign! O.O


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear car:

Time to wash you today.


----------



## Oona

SprocketRocket said:


> Dear car:
> 
> Time to wash you today.



Wash mine too!


----------



## SprocketRocket

Oona said:


> Wash mine too!



Dear Oona: 

Come on over! I'd take a pic if my cameraphone was in my possession. 

I'm waxing it, too. 

Which is great, since .. Oh n/m, let's just say that I am indebted in this area. 
And "all they have to do is call it in."


----------



## x0emnem0x

Dear You,

I'm so glad to have met you. Though we don't talk much anymore, I appreciate the fact that you were there for me when I needed you the most. I'm glad I ran to you, and though it took a bit of a shove, you knew when I was in trouble and needed you, and you were there... I can never say that about anyone else. Thank you.

-Me


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear You Know Who:

The fact that I am not calling right now should be pretty significant indicator of my resolve to do and try to do better, normally you know I would be. Fact.


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear co-worker:

You should NOT have taken that customer's food at the drive-thru today. It was rude as hell, and he was very very angry. Now, I know that there are cultural differences, and that you are not from America. However, I served the customer his food, after a long delay. I apologized for the delay, as an employee I wanted to take responsibility for what was his as-until-then poor customer service experience.

And then you went and literally DID snatch the bag out of the man's hand, AS HE WAS GETTING READY TO DIG IN AND EAT THE HASH BROWNS AND ALL OF THE GOOD STUFF HE ORDERED. I stepped in, I said, "I have never seen anyone do that before." Shortly after, he got very very upset, at all of us. And it was because of what you did.

It was not the time to defend how you had to "check the order." I saw the order. It was correct. he had two hash browns, and a full bag, with about $12 of food, the drinks I gave out already. You should not have tried to defend your rudeness. he drove off, leaving what I _thought_ was his change; apparently, I did not see the manager give him his $20 back, but she did.

Please, please.. We charge $.60 for a cup of ice. We do not give customers the $.99 hash browns, more often than not, it is $1.49. There is a particular Seinfeld episode, regarding soup....... that accurately summizes how this establishment is run.

I do not as of yet have a 2nd job, to occupy more of my time and provide much-needed money for the things I need to do. However, what you did today was as amazing as all get-out.

Tomorrow, it will be as if it never happened. But I really am amazed at how you had snatched food out of a paying customer's hand, then put your hands and fingers all in it to check, and not expected them to get mad. I learn new things everyday; but ... Wow.


----------



## SprocketRocket

Dear Me:

Thank you for your request for a hearing before an administrative law judge (ALJ). This letter explains the hearing process and things that you should do now to get ready for your hearing. We will send you a notice after we schedule your hearing. We will notify you at least 20 days before the date of your hearing. The notice will provide you with the time and place of your hearing. We generally process requests for hearing b date order, with the oldest receiving priority. We will schedule your hearing as soon as we can, which may take several months.

*The Hearing*

At your hearing, you may present your case to the ALJ who will make the decision on your claim(s). The ALJ will consider the issues you raise, the evidence no win your file, and any additional evidence you provide. The ALJ may also consider other issues, including issues that were decided in your favor in the decision you appealed. The Notice of Hearing will list the issues the ALJ plans to consider at the hearing. In certain situations, we may offer the option of holding your hearing by video conference rather than in person. We will let you know ahead of time if this is the case.

Your hearing is the time to explain why you believe the ALJ should decide the issues in your favor.

*Providing Additional Evidence*

We need to make sure that your file has everything you want the ALJ to consider and any other evidence the ALJ will need to decide your case. After the ALJ reviews the evidence in your file, he or she may request more evidence to consider at your hearing.

If there is more evidence you want the ALJ to see, please give it to us as soon as possible. Giving us evidence early can often help us review your case sooner. If there is evidence you cannot give to us before the hearing, you may bring it to the hearing.

We can help you get evidence you believe the ALJ should see. If you need help, contact our office, your local Social Security office, or your representative (if you appoint one) immediately.

If a physician, expert, or other person is not providing documents important to your case, you may ask the ALJ to issue a subpoena. A subpoena is a special document that requires a person to submit documents or to testify at your hearing. The ALJ will issue a subpoena only if he or she thinks the evidence is necessary to decide your case, and the evidence cannot be obtained another way. You may ask the ALJ to issue a subpoena at least 5 days before your hearing date. Send your request in writing to the address at the top of the first page of this letter.

*You May See The Evidence In Your File*

If you wish to see the evidence in your file, you can see it on or before the date of your hearing. If you wish to see your file before the date of your first hearing, please call us as soon as you reasonably can at the number at the top of the first page of this letter.

*If You Have Any Questions Or Your Address Changes*

If you have any questions, please call or write us. You must tell us if you change your address. For your convenience, we gave you our telephone number and address on the first page of this letter.

Sincerely yours, 
Hearing Office Director.

Enclosures:

HA-827 (Medical Release Notice)
SSA-827 (Authorization to Disclose Information to SSA)


----------



## Surlysomething

What's the point of this?




SprocketRocket said:


> Dear Me:
> 
> Thank you for your request for a hearing before an administrative law judge (ALJ). This letter explains the hearing process and things that you should do now to get ready for your hearing. We will send you a notice after we schedule your hearing. We will notify you at least 20 days before the date of your hearing. The notice will provide you with the time and place of your hearing. We generally process requests for hearing b date order, with the oldest receiving priority. We will schedule your hearing as soon as we can, which may take several months.
> 
> 
> Yadda yadda yadda..


----------



## SprocketRocket

Surlysomething said:


> What's the point of this?



You have a problem with me? That's not my problem.

As to my SSA letter, how thrilled I am to actually see progress that I am going to be heard, on my disability case!

That's about all I can feed your anti-me sentiment, as it really isnt my issue.


----------



## Surlysomething

You're showing the same behaviour that you did the last time you were here. Too much inappropriate information with no context.

Dial it back a bit.




SprocketRocket said:


> You have a problem with me? That's not my problem.
> 
> As to my SSA letter, how thrilled I am to actually see progress that I am going to be heard, on my disability case!
> 
> That's about all I can feed your anti-me sentiment, as it really isnt my issue.


----------



## Sweetie

Dear rice cooker,

You really came in handy when I wanted to make a quick marinara sauce today .

Thanks,
Me


----------



## LeoGibson

Did the ban expire or just go away with the name change?


----------



## Saoirse

Dear-Yakatori

Why-do-you-feel-the-need-to-randomly-hyphenate-every-other-word?


----------



## penguin

LeoGibson said:


> Did the ban expire or just go away with the name change?



I'm guessing name change.


----------



## cinnamitch

He shows this with every ID he is on here with. It is a joke how he continues to stay here even if its proven he is using alternate ID's to come back on after he is booted.



Surlysomething said:


> You're showing the same behaviour that you did the last time you were here. Too much inappropriate information with no context.
> 
> Dial it back a bit.


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Gatorade people

When I was growing up I never did like your stuff. To me it was disgusting. I thought that it tasted like kool-aid without sugar. That's not my idea of good. ICK! 

Today, after having the flu for 2 days and not being able to eat or drink anything that didn't cause me stomach cramps--and nearly fainting from dehydration--my nephew-in-law brought me a 64 oz bottle of Gatorade and insisted that I try it. I was hesitant because I could recall it's terrible flavor in childhood--but I HAD to try something. It worked. I could drink it and it has made me feel better. 


I will never again compare your "performance drink" to kool-aid without sugar, and will suggest it to anyone whom is having troubles with dehydration. 

Signed, a happy drinker of Gatorade.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the Sky

Please, please end these horrendous bush fires. So much has been destroyed and my heart bleeds for all that's lost. Enough now.

Love Kimberly


----------



## spiritangel

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe/Guy in the Sky
> 
> Please, please end these horrendous bush fires. So much has been destroyed and my heart bleeds for all that's lost. Enough now.
> 
> Love Kimberly



I second this so much devestation and summer has not even begun


----------



## Oona

Dear anxiety

I love that I have meds now to control you. 

<3
Me


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

littlefairywren said:


> Dear Universe/Guy in the Sky
> 
> Please, please end these horrendous bush fires. So much has been destroyed and my heart bleeds for all that's lost. Enough now.
> 
> Love Kimberly





spiritangel said:


> I second this so much devestation and summer has not even begun



I have been keeping an eye on the news down under - the pictures coming out of the fires are just breaking my heart.  Two of them were within 20 minutes of our house, and the Blue Mountains... my fiance has been there numerous times and loves it, and we were planning to go there for a short honeymoon after our civil ceremony in Sydney... it's just so horiffic to see all of it destroyed.


----------



## spiritangel

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I have been keeping an eye on the news down under - the pictures coming out of the fires are just breaking my heart.  Two of them were within 20 minutes of our house, and the Blue Mountains... my fiance has been there numerous times and loves it, and we were planning to go there for a short honeymoon after our civil ceremony in Sydney... it's just so horiffic to see all of it destroyed.



BBM Take heart the Aussie bush is amazing and regenerates even after the worst of fires it takes time but it will come back to life.

It is heartbreaking and tragic and fires seem worse than ever since they stopped doing controlled backburning of the bush to lessen the impact of bushfire season it has started so early this year  there are always appeals and fundraising to help those who have lost their homes 

and a lot of love and appareciates for our firefighters and the SEC


----------



## littlefairywren

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I have been keeping an eye on the news down under - the pictures coming out of the fires are just breaking my heart.  Two of them were within 20 minutes of our house, and the Blue Mountains... my fiance has been there numerous times and loves it, and we were planning to go there for a short honeymoon after our civil ceremony in Sydney... it's just so horiffic to see all of it destroyed.



I hope that you get to see how beautiful it is, Ginny. I lived in the Blue Mountains for more than 9 years, go there regularly and have always wanted to move back. The reality is that these are now the worst fires they have ever had, and now the fear is that the three major fires up there will converge to create a massive fire storm front in excess of 300 km.

I know that Australia is supposed to catch on fire every summer, but this is so hard to comprehend. I'm in a small town surrounded by bush, but after this am thinking that living by the beach or large bodies of water is the better option.


----------



## Yakatori

Is there a practical difference between a forest, per se versus 'the Bush?'

If an Aussie person said "Forest-fire," would people be confused by that?


----------



## littlefairywren

No Australian calls it anything other than "the bush." It's part of our vernacular. I understand what it means when I hear that the US is having forest fires. It all means the same thing....devastation. 

http://www.differencebetween.com/difference-between-bush-and-vs-forest/


----------



## Yakatori

I googled-it first and that did not come up. So, "Bush" is not necessarily comprised of so many actually mature trees (excepting Eucalyptus which, of course, are important for other reasons) but more wild shrubs and other smaller types of plants.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

littlefairywren said:


> I hope that you get to see how beautiful it is, Ginny. I lived in the Blue Mountains for more than 9 years, go there regularly and have always wanted to move back. The reality is that these are now the worst fires they have ever had, and now the fear is that the three major fires up there will converge to create a massive fire storm front in excess of 300 km.
> 
> I know that Australia is supposed to catch on fire every summer, but this is so hard to comprehend. I'm in a small town surrounded by bush, but after this am thinking that living by the beach or large bodies of water is the better option.



I hope I get to see it, too. I understand that fire is nature's method of rebirth and regrowth... but when people lose their homes and their livelihoods it's just devastating.


----------



## Oona

Mr. HCM Professor~

Kindly remove the stick from your ass when you are commenting on my work, please. 

Comments like "Are you SURE you wrote this? It seems very well written" and the like are getting old. If you would take the time to look at my grades for the entire class, you would see that I am consistent with my writing style and work. Even more, if you look at all my grades, you will notice I have kept a 4.0 in all of my classes. 

Anyone that can take the time to look at that would realize I am a good student and my work is consistent in all of my courses. I do not slack off, I do not plagiarize work. Everything I do is 100% mine, and if I use a source, I cite the f*cking source like I'm supposed to. 

In the most recent assignment grade, you told me to "finish strong". I plan on rocking your world with my final paper. You know why? Because I can. And because I've been working on it for WEEKS already, whereas I'm sure the rest of the class only just started theirs. 

I'm excited that I only have week left in your class. 

Deuces!

-C


----------



## Rojodi

Dear "Intel Officer"

You're fooling no one. We know you cannot be soliciting women for dates on an internet erotic literature board. It's best that you withdraw immediately or someone does call your bluff and contacts the FBI.

Signed,

Why do women fall for this kind of BS


----------



## Tracyarts

Dear, dear friend of mine:

Lately you've been spending an awful lot of time talking your boyfriend up while talking yourself down. You keep saying that you don't deserve him, and act like you are terrified of him leaving you. That, combined with the fact that you're distancing yourself from your family and friends has me very worried. 

Tracy


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear health gods, 
Don't let it be cancerous! I don't know if i can handle more health scares this year. I'm already deeply affected since the stroke. I desperately need a little positive news.

me


----------



## PolkaDotty

Hey, you: 

When you are financially irresponsible, scam people out of money, and are unfairly (illegally?) on the dole.... it means you have no right to be jealous, resentful and bitter about how others spend money which they rightfully and lawfully _earned_. Why do you feel entitled to everything other people have when you didn't work for it?

Oh, and just so you know: it's not gangsta when you post pics of your dirty fingers grasping wads of $20s. It just looks stupid.

Sincerely, 

Decent Society.


----------



## EMH1701

Dear my two co-workers who hate your jobs,

Please stop making the rest of us miserable because you cannot stand the boss and hate any change, no matter how small. Also, to my one co-worker who can't do the job properly because she just isn't detail-oriented enough to do proofing work, find something else you can do. Details matter. And to my other idiot co-worker who thinks that changing a procedure when software changes isn't Sox Complaint: Just because you didn't change when the entire rest of the department changed what they are doing does not mean something is not Sox Compliant. Unlike you, the entire rest of the group has to do what our managers say, or we will get fired. Apparently you have some sort of magical power to not get fired and refuse to do what the boss says. Whatever it is, it doesn't exist in any other company. Quit your whining or go and work elsewhere.

Also, to the managers who keep playing office politics, everyone in the department knows what you are doing. I was talking about my job to a friend and even she commented on the office politics, even though I hadn't mentioned the term. Quit doing it. We're sick and tired of it, and we know the only reason you have your jobs is because you sucked up to the director and the VP. In fact, the only reason the department exists as it is with 5 people on it is because you sucked up. We all would've gotten laid off otherwise when the old department was disbanded. 

I would rather have another job in the company than be surrounded by people who are power hungry brown-nosers, complainers, gossipers, whiners, and in the wrong job for another three years. The mental poison from all of you is really quite noxious.

Sincerely, 

Your fed-up teammate, who would leave the company entirely if she could.


----------



## Oona

You-

You came into my life like my knight in shining armor. You made me feel amazing, treated me like a princess (and not by buying me things, but actually treating me like a person). We get along great, we hang out all the time, we enjoy the same things... All signs of awesomeness.

Turns out you're just an idiot in tin foil and that tin foil is tearing. I'm learning the truth about you. All the lies you've told me, the deceit kills me. I told you things I thought I could trust you with, but instead you used that information to fabricate your own web of lies, including that you weren't seeing anyone else. Three other women have come to my attention so far. Not to mention your wife back in NC.

The lies stop here. The jig is up. 

The unfortunate part is I let myself get attached to you. I fell for you, and I fell hard. But don't you worry about me, I'll pick myself up and put the pieces back together. I'm a better person for being entangled in your lies because now I know that I really shouldn't be so trusting. I likely won't be giving anyone the benefit of the doubt ever again. 

I wish, with all of my being, that I could some how find a way to serve justice to you. No, I won't tell your wife. Why? Because it would break your sons heart (that's right, I know about him too). Not to mention, I am too nice of a person. They didn't do anything to deserve this, and seeing as how I KNOW there are other women, I'm sure one of them will tell your wife. I can't have that on my conscience though.

So this is it. The best part is, you don't know that I know. And you're supposed to come over tonight. I can't wait to see the look on your face when I tell you I know and kick your lying ass out of my house with no ride home. 


Signed,
You pissed off the wrong girl


----------



## KHayes666

Dear guy on friends' FB group that sent pix of his junk to my friend when told not to twice before.


YOU'REEEEEEEE......FIREEDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Oona

Dear Powers that Be~

Thank you for listening to me today. I told you I was done with all the negative things happening and you produced not one, but two amazing bits of news. 

Thank you so much. I can breathe a little easier now.

<3
Me


----------



## ODFFA

Dear Cupid,

I know it's pretty lame that I'm even writing you a letter, but just hear me out for a sec.

In fact, I'm not so much writing you as just wondering aloud -- Why is it that so many people before me have suspected you of sadism (not the 'good kind')? Is it fun watching one person be the secretly exhausted initiator and the other the secretly guilt-ridden reciprocator? Like, really? 

Can't you just balance it out nicely like a mentally stable bow-and-arrow-shooting baby angely thingy would do? And how come I've never seen you with a partner? Are you projecting your frustration, is that it?

It seems you only get bored now and then to let a good situation slip through the cracks. I'll probably try to cheat your system again sometime. Ever the bloody optimist. But for right now, I'm just doggone tired of you.

-- OD

PS: For god's sake, we get the picture. Get some pants on you.


----------



## KHayes666

RIP J-Magic....the last time I saw you we had a great time. That's the way I'll remember you.


----------



## largenlovely

Dear friend,

I asked u repeatedly if u were sure and made sure that u knew I would understand if u said no. Yet here we are two almost 2 months later and ur giving me this passive aggressive crap. I would've much rather u said no from the very beginning. Again, I would've understood but this passive aggressive shit I don't understand and it's unacceptable.

Signed
Frustrated as fuck


----------



## Victoria08

You,
Stop talking to your clients about me! Stop talking about me - period. It has been over 2 years since everything blew up...so just stop trying to make yourself look good by acting like a loving father. Because you aren't a loving father, at all. And the people that you talk to end up coming into my place of employment and asking about me by name. And that isn't ok with me.

Stop using me as part of your act.


----------



## x0emnem0x

Dear God,

I'm trying to better myself. I'm trying to be me without him, trying to realize how to be me without needing someone to make me happy. I am going to the gym, bettering myself. I know if I lose some weight I'll be happier because I'll be more confident, I'll just be in better spirits all around. Then maybe I'll learn to be happy without someone. But if I do, then maybe will you give me another chance with him? I'll still be good, I'll try and make him a better man, I'll love him unconditionally just like I always did... I'm moving on slowly, but I still think about him everyday, still love him everyday... I just wish things had ended differently... 

Sincerely,
Lost in Love


----------



## Lovelyone

UGH you douche bags-
What MORE do I have to do? First I labeled my things. You ate them all.
Secondly I BOUGHT you things for you and yours. You ate what I bought for myself.
NOW....you are eating what I bought for myself AND what's been bought for you. WTF? Seriously I am SICK and tired of doing the right thing and being slapped in the face with your blatant contempt for me. NO MORE. Buy your own damned food. I am done.


----------



## kaylaisamachine

Dear Boyfriend's Employers,

My boyfriend has been working with you as your only employee for about a year and a half now. Hes doing about 90% of your production in the sign shop and youve got him working 12 hour shifts to do only God knows what. AND youre still only paying him $8.00 an hour, which for a small business, you arent doing bad off. So, being as he is your only employee, you should be able to do better than that. 
I know he likes you, but I dont. Not only are you not giving him what he deserves, but you are keeping him away from me for longer periods of the day and youre doing it without benefiting him. To that I say, fuck you. 
/Endminirant.


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear Fri 13th,
Please hurry up and be over. I am superstitious and will be greatly relieved when the clock passes 12. I'm worried about my grandad being ill. I had a scary moment when a guy pulled up sharply and got me to wind my window down on the way home (turns out there was a problem with my lights, but being right near where I once had an accident, the sharp breaking and scary look of him wasn't helpful). I forgot my debit card and had a panic. I feel tired and my neck has been hurting for days and I had one of those days where moments were spoilt by the wrong people being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Nothing really concrete, but the whole day has just felt a bit wrong. The few pleasant surprises I hoped the day had in store didn't come and I spent most of the day with people asking me questions I felt out of my depth with. Will there ever come a point when I know enough?? Super-confident, super-talented colleagues may be lovely, but sometimes they just serve to make the rest of us feel crap.

So yes, roll on Sat 14th!


----------



## Lovelyone

*takes off her demure hat*


Dear Mother F*cking nature--
WTF?? it's called ARCTIC air because it comes from (and needs to stay in) the Arctic. F*ck..stop with the f*cking icicles on icicles. How's about you get your kids Heat Miser and his brother the Frosty ass-munch together and tell them to give us a mother f*cking break with the snow, no sunshine, grey skies. slippery ass freezing rain and stupid, donkey ball sucking black f*cking ice? Did some bastard shove an icicle up your ass or something and you decided to make everyone as bitterly cold as you are? F******CK!!! Bitch please...if you are going to keep torturing us with this frosty f*cking shit...why don't you ship me some f*cking super plus sized thermals, extra thick no-show socks, a pair of thick warm mittens and some big ass furry slippers to keep my fred flintstone feet warm, cos honestly...I am freezing my fat f*cking balls off (and I dont HAVE balls).Thanks for paying me some Mutha-f*cking attention here.
Yo, its me Terri. 

*puts her demure hat back on*


----------



## KHayes666

I don't know if this can be called an open letter or an out and out rant but I need to get this off my chest. 

To all bodybuilders and or muscleheaded jocks that call everyone else "jealous" of you....may I ask what in the hell should I be jealous about?You come around the fatty forums looking for hookups and saying "Hey want to be with a real man?" and show off your steroid-inflated muscles. 

Ooooooh I'm soooooo scared!!! First of all I don't need steroids because I have my own natural muscles that have served me well over the years. I'm actually glad I don't look like you guys because shooting roids isn't healthy at all. So if I should be jealous because I don't look like that, I'm actually glad and not jealous. 

Next, you think you can walk in here and intimidate other men with your bravado? I don't think so. I can't speak for the geeks but I can sure speak for myself. If you walked up to me and tried to push me around, I'd push right back. Wanna know why? You're a bodybuilder, not a fighter. Pure power doesn't make you a tough guy. Take away your muscles and what do you got, NOTHING! Take away mine and you still have an ex wrestler with a volatile temper and a burning hatred for bullies. A lot of you go by the intimidation factor when dealing with confrontations but what happens when the factor is rendered useless. You walk up to someone and say "You want some little man" and that person shoves you or slaps you across the face and says "Yeah, I do, what now?" You know what....most of the bodybuilders would be lost. Sure they'd fly off into some roid rage but uncontrolled rage is usually a disservice in any fight. If some ape charges at me, all I have to do is step out of the way and he crashes into a wall. Real intimidating right? Bottom line is if you're gonna pull the macho act, you better be prepared to back it up because all it takes is resistance and most of you are dead in the water.

Which brings me to my final point. Am I supposed to be jealous because you use your bravado and body to get women? I got news for you, *I* can get the same women you can get and I don't need to spend money on steroids and gym memberships. You know why? REAL women don't fall for that bullshit. I know this one dude that's married and looking for hookups. Real women don't look for just hookups. Maybe you'll get a bored single mom every now and then but for the most part, the only women that fall for that are teenaged girls that don't know any better or complete sluts. I could look like WC Fields but if I talk a good game (and have money) then I could get the same women. Real women look at men in open relationships and proceed to puke most of the time. Again, every now and then you may get lucky but the point remains, why should I be jealous when I can get the same kind of women easy? 

Now here's one last thing to think about when your heads hits the pillow tonight. I can get the women you CAN'T. My fiancée would take one look at you and your attitude and get sick to her stomach. Unnatural body with a bully attitude, yeah real attractive. So how does that make you feel when someone possibly half your size will get right up in your face with no intimidation, can get the same women you can get and gets the ones you can't? You've got nothing left to do except let the fists fly or back away. So what happens when you let the fists fly. You either beat someone half your size, which means you accomplished nothing, or you get your ass handed to you in which case you look like a jackass. So the next time you bodybuilding mother hubbards want to come in our forum and throw your weight around, think again. 

Ok, I feel better now.


----------



## PunkyGurly74

This goes partly to the City of Columbus and the Universe:

Item one: Dear City of Columbus, your man hole cover on the corner of Jager and Thurman in German Village is directly in front of where I had to drop my dogs off to get them groomed yesterday and I would like to report - it ate my tire !!! Completely flattened it, fix a flat and air would not solve my problem! I now must have it towed to the tire place....and sadly, this wasn't my car. It is my best friend's car I needed to use because mine would not start (again). The dog grooming was a splurge so you see I'm not made of money and this is going to cost me an arm and a leg. 

As it turns out this man hole cover is a car eater. Shop owner informed me that no less than 10 customers have lost a tire to this monster. Please fix posthaste City of Columbus!!! Especially since my new job is now a block from there! UGH!!

Item 2: Dear Universe, PLEASE allow my car to start tomorrow - I start a new job and I know it is supposed to be so frigid, but, since my best friend's van is out of commission I have no other way to get to the new job. PLEASE PLEASE let my car start. The battery is new, terminals have been checked, alternator replaced, starter checked..no clue why battery dies! PLEASE don't fail me. I cannot screw this up.

Item 3: Thank you for my very dear friend Rita who saved my bacon yesterday. Her husband got my car started so I could pick up the doggies and take them to visit my best friend in the hospital last night. Basically, so that I do have a car to use again! 

To recap - fix manhole tire eating creature, PLEASE allow car to start and Rita Rocks!


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear Man,
I've missed you so much and I can't help but feel a little sad that you are so wrapped up in your work that you couldn't spend much time with me. I wish you'd taken me in your arms and held me tight like you did the last time I saw you - I could've done with a big warm hug. I've been thinking about those moments these last few weeks, but I guess you haven't. I know you get really absorbed / focussed like this, but it's hard not to feel confused and wonder if I imagined our closeness. 
Librarygirl

Dear God / the universe,
Please let things be ok and let my grandad get back to his old self - for his own sake and to take the pressure of my parents, aunty and uncle. Please let him get the operation he needs and let him get his zest for life back. I wouldn't mind if you'd sort my ongoing neck problems out too as they're just making me tired and unable to cope. And I really really wish that for once my instinct was right about a man and a certain person might see me as I see him. We've had some moments and I feel like I've never met anyone who is so on my wavelength and such a genuine, kind person as well as being gorgeous, incredibly clever and funny. But I'm confused as to what the situation is - whether he is still with someone, whether he just sees me as a useful friend/ colleague, why we have got so much closer this past while. Yours, hopefully,
Librarygirl


----------



## Fuzzy

Everyone else in the cold this week,

Stay wrapped up, don't be outside too long, avoid that wind etc.

Its a sultry 20F outside (10:45PM) for us.

Damn global warming..


----------



## CleverBomb

Cell carrier;

WTF. You had to do the one thing to this perfectly good phone that's going to make me hack it to get root access. I didn't need root, I could live with the bloatware. But, seriously -- hard-coding in the bookmarks for your web sites at the top of the list for both the stock browser _and_ Chrome? You're actively trying to make them a b!tch to use. 

Brushing up on my rusty knowledge of shell scripts and ROM flashing...

- me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear F*cktard-

It's so very nice of you to show up just in time for your wife's funeral. We weren't sure you'd even show up since renting a car and buying a birthday present and hanging out with your friends at a party were more important to you than figuring out a way to pay for and bury your beloved. How wonderful that you made time in your busy schedule to pay your respect to the woman whom you claim to love. 

When this is all over, why don't you slither away and leave our family alone? Go crawl back under the rock that you came out of? You are a waste of human flesh...and if it weren't for my Christian upbringing, I'd be plotting your death right now. You should thank your lucky stars that I wasn't born into a mafia family cos I'd be putting a hit out on you and seeing that you pay the price a thousand times over for your complacency towards the passing of my niece, your wife. I hope life brings you, what you've brough to my family..a whole bunch of misery. Btw, Go F*CK yourself.


----------



## CleverBomb

CleverBomb said:


> Cell carrier;
> 
> WTF. You had to do the one thing to this perfectly good phone that's going to make me hack it to get root access. I didn't need root, I could live with the bloatware. But, seriously -- hard-coding in the bookmarks for your web sites at the top of the list for both the stock browser _and_ Chrome? You're actively trying to make them a b!tch to use.
> 
> Brushing up on my rusty knowledge of shell scripts and ROM flashing...
> 
> - me


Ok, found a satisfactory workaround. 
It's still a stupidly petty thing for them to have done.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Dear Dims,

I want to come back...but...eh. Maybe I'll stick to the Foodee board.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Dear Mother Nature,

I should have told you this earlier, but thank you for the existence of the dangling weenis. It is truly one of your greatest art forms.

Admiringly,

Me


----------



## Webmaster

We lost that battle years ago when the PDA industry decided to hand over their business to the telcos. One of the worst decisions ever.



CleverBomb said:


> Cell carrier;
> 
> WTF. You had to do the one thing to this perfectly good phone that's going to make me hack it to get root access. I didn't need root, I could live with the bloatware. But, seriously -- hard-coding in the bookmarks for your web sites at the top of the list for both the stock browser _and_ Chrome? You're actively trying to make them a b!tch to use.
> 
> Brushing up on my rusty knowledge of shell scripts and ROM flashing...
> 
> - me


----------



## CleverBomb

Yep. Good deal for them -- for consumers/end users, not so much. 

There's a decent workaround: create a folder in the bookmarks, put all my bookmarks in that folder, and always leave that folder open. The principle still annoys me. 

I might be some kind of old fogey, but I still lament the shift in focus of handhelds from "tool" to "toy," and from "personal device" to "app, service, and media merchandising portal". In retrospect, it was probably inevitable. The real tragedy is that most people don't know it was ever any other way.


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear friends and colleagues,
Could we try to have a Monday morning in January where all conversations pre- lunch time don't involve death or illness?? I realise you may all be trying to make me feel better about situations in life, but REALLY! I tell you my grandad is making a good recovery, so you tell me about your aunt who was of a similar age who died a year ago and talk about the frailty of the old, and how they can just die!! Sharing of my ongoing neck problems and general chat then leads to sad tales from others about the unwell (culminating in a loud conversation dominating the lounge at tea time, the main features of which seemed to be "Winter vomiting", "Dementia patients" and "More vomiting"). 

Could we also try to stop changing my schedule for Friday and playing departmental politics with me in the middle?

And finally, I would really like one special friend to take a break from being busy and remember that we had actually got quite close "way back" in 2013 and I'm not just a useful contact for photocopying or book queries! Where has the 'real' you gone??

Librarygirl

I must be feeling better...My attitude is returning!!!


----------



## Lovelyone

Dearest and oldest friend--
How wonderful it was to chat with you for an hour yesterday. I truly enjoyed catching up with you on all the happenings that are going on in our families. How great is it that we can go so long without talking or seeing one another and still pick up right were we left off? Who knew that 33 years ago a tall thin skinny girl with a bad perm and a short fat awkwardly social girl would become such good friends? I love how after all this time we can still laugh at all the silly stuff. I am so grateful to have you in my life.


----------



## Sweet Tooth

Dear HB,

A lot of times, I wondered what purpose the heartaches along the way served. If nothing else, it got me to you finally. It doesn't mean that hurt should've been, as if it was a required part of the plan, but you make it all worthwhile if it led me to this place. [And you help me remember how good it was, is, and can be again.]

Crazier about you every day, and that's really saying something. :wubu:

BH


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Sweet Tooth said:


> Dear HB,
> 
> A lot of times, I wondered what purpose the heartaches along the way served. If nothing else, it got me to you finally. It doesn't mean that hurt should've been, as if it was a required part of the plan, but you make it all worthwhile if it led me to this place. [And you help me remember how good it was, is, and can be again.]
> 
> Crazier about you every day, and that's really saying something. :wubu:
> 
> BH



Dang it... can't rep this!!!


----------



## Fuzzy

I had already repped that post, but consider it repped by proxy anway.


----------



## Sweet Tooth

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dang it... can't rep this!!!





Fuzzy said:


> I had already repped that post, but consider it repped by proxy anway.



Thanks, my peeps. :blush:


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Toddler Upstairs,

Okay, I hear your frustration and, frankly am tired of your sniveling so we've got to get proactive.

Your mom put you in the crib so she could do laundry, vacuum, let the pibble out for a peepee, etc.

You, being a rambunctious two year old are THE MAN and have not only worn Mommy and Daddy out, but Brute, Wonton and me. That's quite an accomplishment. Pat yourself on the back.

Now.....stop crying and look at the bars on your crib. Jail, right? No.

Look up. That's right. Nothing holding you back. Your door is closed as evidenced by your screaming that the door is closed and probably to keep you and the pibble separated to keep out of shenanigans but you are NOT IN JAIL.

Climb carefully over the railing and once you're on foot, for the love of all that is holy, don't let them onto your new skill. Play quietly in your room until you hear her coming then climb back in. Practice daily for maximum efficiency.

I'll leave an oatmeal cookie and a dog biscuit on the steps for you and Brute. The one shaped like a bone is for the dog. By taking them, it will signify we're in agreement until you learn how to drive or move out of the house.

Now start climbing, man! This is the first of many triumphs in your lifetime.

Make it count!

On Your Side,
Downstairs, The One With The Nice Kitty Kitty

P.S. Your dad shovels all my snow, so this is strictly between us, mmmkay?


----------



## Ms Charlotte BBW

CastingPearls said:


> Dear Toddler Upstairs,
> 
> Okay, I hear your frustration and, frankly am tired of your sniveling so we've got to get proactive.
> 
> Your mom put you in the crib so she could do laundry, vacuum, let the pibble out for a peepee, etc.
> 
> You, being a rambunctious two year old are THE MAN and have not only worn Mommy and Daddy out, but Brute, Wonton and me. That's quite an accomplishment. Pat yourself on the back.
> 
> Now.....stop crying and look at the bars on your crib. Jail, right? No.
> 
> Look up. That's right. Nothing holding you back. Your door is closed as evidenced by your screaming that the door is closed and probably to keep you and the pibble separated to keep out of shenanigans but you are NOT IN JAIL.
> 
> Climb carefully over the railing and once you're on foot, for the love of all that is holy, don't let them onto your new skill. Play quietly in your room until you hear her coming then climb back in. Practice daily for maximum efficiency.
> 
> I'll leave an oatmeal cookie and a dog biscuit on the steps for you and Brute. The one shaped like a bone is for the dog. By taking them, it will signify we're in agreement until you learn how to drive or move out of the house.
> 
> Now start climbing, man! This is the first of many triumphs in your lifetime.
> 
> Make it count!
> 
> On Your Side,
> Downstairs, The One With The Nice Kitty Kitty
> 
> P.S. Your dad shovels all my snow, so this is strictly between us, mmmkay?



Best. Letter. Ever!!!!!!!!


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear tomorrow,
This event has been a long while coming round, and it would be really great if everything could pan out how it does in my imagination..Please don't let nerves or shyness get the better of me.
I'd like my talk to go really well and people to be impressed
and I'd really like to somehow spend some time with a certain person at some point in the evening...a little post-theatre drink even....

Keeping fingers crossed.
Librarygirl


----------



## Tad

Fuzzy said:


> I had already repped that post, but consider it repped by proxy anway.





Ms Charlotte BBW said:


> Best. Letter. Ever!!!!!!!!



What they said


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear Sis--
You've been going through a lot in the past two months and I know from having listened to everything that you've talked about in the past couple of weeks that you feel alone in everything. You said that you feel as if you are in a sinking boat and no one is helping you bail the water out to keep afloat. You said that no one hugs you or cares about you, and no one listens to you. You said that everyone just, "...went on with their lives as nothing ever happened but for you it will never be over" and you discussed how angry you were that people in our family who should have paid their respects, didn't even bother to show up at the funeral. I know that I do not grieve the same way that you do because she wasn't my daughter. I didn't carry her for 9 months, give birth to her, raise her, teach her life lessons, live with her--but I am here to tell you that you are not alone. I cry, too and although the loss I feel is different than yours it is also grief that I am struggling with. I feel her loss and I miss her. 
I know that you are speaking out of grief and that some of the things that you say aren't meant to be hurtful or offensive, and I am truly taking that into consideration. I know that you are just venting and letting things disperse as you see fit, but I have been there for you this whole time. Your eyes and mind and heart are so clouded with grief that you did not see that someone was holding your hand and hugging you as you cried. I was the person who hugged you tightly and comforted you only moments after the hospital informed you that your daughter had passed away. I heard your anguished screams and cries in my ears when you couldn't keep in in any longer--but i never let go. I m the person who told your other children that Anne passed away (because you couldn't). I sat and cried with you all day and although you were inconsolable, I consoled anyway. I still cry...in my room so that you do not see me. 
When you were dealing with the funeral arrangements I told you many times that I would go with you if you wished...but, being the independent person that you are, you always turned me down. You were not alone except by choice. When you asked for help finding assistance in getting the funds to bury our girl...I immediately posted on face book and Dims, called several dear friends to ask for their help. When you needed someone to keep an eye on the girls while you handled the funeral stuff, I stepped up and did what you asked. I donated nearly half of my monthly pay to helping pay for the funeral and the other half paid for groceries for the month for our family. You needed new pants for the funeral, I bought them. When you just needed to cry and vent, I listened. You are not alone..and have not been alone in all of this. You are just grieving to the extent that your grief has overwhelmed any other thing in your life--and that's okay. You should be grieving. Cry if you want to, shout from the roof tops that it wasn't fair for someone so young to die! I will shout with you--but please don't ever think that you are alone.


----------



## x0emnem0x

Dear You,

I want to be the first that sees your smile in the morning, I want to warm your cold feet at night, I want to hear your laughter, I want to laugh with you, I want to squeeze you when we hug because I know you had a long day, I want to cuddle our dog together, I want to make you s’mores and hot chocolate so we can marathon Netflix, and I still want to be yours. I want to be your comfort, I want to be the woman you dreamed of, I want to cook your favorite meal a thousand times until it’s perfect, I want to watch shitty movies with you, I want to read with you while our legs are entwined, I want to be your best friend, I want to stroke your hair when you’re in my arms, I want to see the world with you, and I want to wipe away your tears. I want you to hold me when I fall, I want you love me when I’m broken, I want you to hold my hand because you want to, I want to give you my heart, I want to give you my soul, I want to give you all I can muster, I want to have a tickle war with you, I want to kiss you goodbye and embrace you to say hello... I long for you. Whoever you are.

Me


----------



## Oona

Dear Men Everywhere~

From now on, if you go on a date with me and you don't see me as relationship material, don't utter some bullshit line about how you're "just not ready for a relationship". Chances are I'll figure out that you're dating someone else now and you just didn't have the balls enough to tell me that you didn't like me like that. 

I've really have just about enough of the bullshit lines being fed to me.

And I should warn you, we nice girls have the ability to go from sweetheart to raging cunt in about 0.05 seconds. 

Sincerely,
About to hit warp-speed into Cuntville


----------



## CastingPearls

Dear Caleb,

This morning your little voice woke me when I heard you calling your Daddy. I can't believe how fast you're growing up. Now you don't cry anymore when you awaken but play quietly, talking to your toys, or conquering Crib K2. Great job, by the way, with the expeditions, except your landings can use a little more finesse.

Try to avoid landing as much on the pibble, please. We also need to work on your stealth ninja mode because running to your mom to tell her you made it out alive isn't helping the cause, as evidenced by your tears when returned to bed. But hey, you get more face time with Mom, and she's cool, so it's all good.

Your dad surprised me today by shoveling not only a path from my door to my steps but down the path, across the road and around my car. I know you're in good hands with your family so it made me sad but glad too when he told me you're all moving up in the world and will be leaving in March to live in your own house. 

You're going to have a lot of adventures, not to mention much more room and between your mom and dad's healthy ambition, youthful energy, and business acumen, plus your natural charm, you're going to be well prepared for take-off to a new and exciting life. 

I'm really going to miss you, little guy. That includes all the screaming and kicking, the running around upstairs with what sounds like Jacob Marley's chains and you and the pibble playing tag yelling and barking like lunatics. That includes listening to your dad telling you stories, your mom singing to you, and all of you laughing not to mention the dog barking in sheer joy that you arrived home from day care.

There's a lot of love up there and it trickled down to me for four months, so thank you for making me part of your world, even if you never knew it and will probably never remember me.



Best of luck, champ.

Downstairs with the nice kitty kitty


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

CastingPearls said:


> Dear Caleb,
> 
> This morning your little voice woke me when I heard you calling your Daddy. I can't believe how fast you're growing up. Now you don't cry anymore when you awaken but play quietly, talking to your toys, or conquering Crib K2. Great job, by the way, with the expeditions, except your landings can use a little more finesse.
> 
> Try to avoid landing as much on the pibble, please. We also need to work on your stealth ninja mode because running to your mom to tell her you made it out alive isn't helping the cause, as evidenced by your tears when returned to bed. But hey, you get more face time with Mom, and she's cool, so it's all good.
> 
> Your dad surprised me today by shoveling not only a path from my door to my steps but down the path, across the road and around my car. I know you're in good hands with your family so it made me sad but glad too when he told me you're all moving up in the world and will be leaving in March to live in your own house.
> 
> You're going to have a lot of adventures, not to mention much more room and between your mom and dad's healthy ambition, youthful energy, and business acumen, plus your natural charm, you're going to be well prepared for take-off to a new and exciting life.
> 
> I'm really going to miss you, little guy. That includes all the screaming and kicking, the running around upstairs with what sounds like Jacob Marley's chains and you and the pibble playing tag yelling and barking like lunatics. That includes listening to your dad telling you stories, your mom singing to you, and all of you laughing not to mention the dog barking in sheer joy that you arrived home from day care.
> 
> There's a lot of love up there and it trickled down to me for four months, so thank you for making me part of your world, even if you never knew it and will probably never remember me.
> 
> 
> 
> Best of luck, champ.
> 
> Downstairs with the nice kitty kitty



Dang it, I can't rep this. Someone help me out? 

Sorry they're leaving, Lainey. They sound like the most wonderful family and I've enjoyed your posts about them.


----------



## Ms Charlotte BBW

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dang it, I can't rep this. Someone help me out?
> 
> Sorry they're leaving, Lainey. They sound like the most wonderful family and I've enjoyed your posts about them.



Gotcha covered ~ She's been repped!


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky

Help us out here ok. One batch of dementia is enough to deal with, but whatever the hell this new trial is...well it's getting hard. Every time there is a glimmer of hope, it gets dashed again. Breaking point is just around the corner. I get the whole "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and "patience is a virtue" shtick, but fair go, dude. 

Love Kimberly


----------



## Oona

Dear Mr. 

We met on a chance. I was about to give up on dating and you were hesitant because you just moved to the are recently. I spruced up my dating profile as one last ditch effort to meet someone, and it apparently caught your attention. several weeks of non stop talking and getting to know each other lead us to our first meeting. 

I was hesitant. You live 30 minutes away, and in an area with sketchy cell reception on a good day (don't worry, it's a military base). I couldn't message you like we'd talked about. And when I tried calling you, imagine my surprise when it was a "Rick Roll" gag line. I almost cried. I drove around the base for what seemed like an hour. I finally found one spot of reception and messaged you to meet me at the gas station. You arrived, and I was relieved. I explained to you what happened and we laughed. I dialed the wrong number, the one you TOLD me was a fake. I was just so nervous I guess I didn't have my brain screwed in properly. And then we proceeded to spend the next 4 1/2 hours talking and getting to know one another. It was amazing. 

The next day, you invited me (and my mom!) to a Renaissance Faire. It was amazing to spend time with you, your family, and my mom. It was a perfect day. Followed by a perfect night. I went against my usual (and better) judgement and asked if you wanted to come over and watch movies at my place. I wasn't worried about anything because both my big-brother type roommates were home. Even if that weren't the case, I trusted you. The next 24 hours were filled with movies, TV shows, laughter, and both of us pouring our hearts out. 

And then you did something I didn't think would happen to me for a looooooong time... You asked me if we could make it official, if I would be yours. I'm sure the look on my face was ridiculous, but I smiled and nodded.

You're so incredibly kind and understanding. You know that I am unavailable weekdays because of work and school, and it doesn't bother you one bit. You encourage me and my studies. You make me smile. You know just when to send me a hello message to brighten my day. 

I can't wait to see what the future holds...

<3
Me


----------



## Ms Charlotte BBW

Oona said:


> Dear Mr.
> 
> We met on a chance. I was about to give up on dating and you were hesitant because you just moved to the are recently. I spruced up my dating profile as one last ditch effort to meet someone, and it apparently caught your attention. several weeks of non stop talking and getting to know each other lead us to our first meeting.
> 
> I was hesitant. You live 30 minutes away, and in an area with sketchy cell reception on a good day (don't worry, it's a military base). I couldn't message you like we'd talked about. And when I tried calling you, imagine my surprise when it was a "Rick Roll" gag line. I almost cried. I drove around the base for what seemed like an hour. I finally found one spot of reception and messaged you to meet me at the gas station. You arrived, and I was relieved. I explained to you what happened and we laughed. I dialed the wrong number, the one you TOLD me was a fake. I was just so nervous I guess I didn't have my brain screwed in properly. And then we proceeded to spend the next 4 1/2 hours talking and getting to know one another. It was amazing.
> 
> The next day, you invited me (and my mom!) to a Renaissance Faire. It was amazing to spend time with you, your family, and my mom. It was a perfect day. Followed by a perfect night. I went against my usual (and better) judgement and asked if you wanted to come over and watch movies at my place. I wasn't worried about anything because both my big-brother type roommates were home. Even if that weren't the case, I trusted you. The next 24 hours were filled with movies, TV shows, laughter, and both of us pouring our hearts out.
> 
> And then you did something I didn't think would happen to me for a looooooong time... You asked me if we could make it official, if I would be yours. I'm sure the look on my face was ridiculous, but I smiled and nodded.
> 
> You're so incredibly kind and understanding. You know that I am unavailable weekdays because of work and school, and it doesn't bother you one bit. You encourage me and my studies. You make me smile. You know just when to send me a hello message to brighten my day.
> 
> I can't wait to see what the future holds...
> 
> <3
> Me




Such a happy letter that it even made me smile! Continued happiness on your new relationship!


----------



## Oona

Ms Charlotte BBW said:


> Such a happy letter that it even made me smile! Continued happiness on your new relationship!



Thank you, pretty lady!


----------



## x0emnem0x

Dear You,

I'm so happy for you... but I can't help but want to cry. I'm know going to lose you.

Sincerely, 
Me


----------



## Lovelyone

Dear people who get annoyed at the gay/interracial commercials on television-
Look around you. Get outside more often. There are gay and interracial couples all over the place. Why are you bitching about it? They seem happy--is that your problem? Are you miserable because someone in a alternative lifestyle to yours is HAPPY? Seriously? Get over yourself. This is not the 1950's and lifestyles have changed. oh and by the way, the Cherrios commercial is ADORABLE.


----------



## Rojodi

Lovelyone said:


> Dear people who get annoyed at the gay/interracial commercials on television-
> Look around you. Get outside more often. There are gay and interracial couples all over the place. Why are you bitching about it? They seem happy--is that your problem? Are you miserable because someone in a alternative lifestyle to yours is HAPPY? Seriously? Get over yourself. This is not the 1950's and lifestyles have changed. oh and by the way, the Cherrios commercial is ADORABLE.



I LOVE that new Cheeri-Os commercial. That little girl has her daddy SO wrapped around her finger.."And a puppy". Not even a question, just a fact.


----------



## Gingembre

Lovelyone said:


> Dear people who get annoyed at the gay/interracial commercials on television-
> Look around you. Get outside more often. There are gay and interracial couples all over the place. Why are you bitching about it? They seem happy--is that your problem? Are you miserable because someone in a alternative lifestyle to yours is HAPPY? Seriously? Get over yourself. This is not the 1950's and lifestyles have changed. oh and by the way, the Cherrios commercial is ADORABLE.



This is the gay happening on UK TV right now. ..lol.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6RID82Ru-k


----------



## Esther

Dear pizzerias of South Korea,
I love living in Korea. I love eating Korean food. But for the love of all that is good, PLEASE stop putting canned sweet corn all over your cheese pizzas. When I order a cheese pizza, I expect the following: red sauce and cheese. Although I know you mean well, corn is not a nice bonus. It makes me WEEP. 
Sincerely,
Esther


----------



## Ms Charlotte BBW

Esther said:


> Dear pizzerias of South Korea,
> I love living in Korea. I love eating Korean food. But for the love of all that is good, PLEASE stop putting canned sweet corn all over your cheese pizzas. When I order a cheese pizza, I expect the following: red sauce and cheese. Although I know you mean well, corn is not a nice bonus. It makes me WEEP.
> Sincerely,
> Esther



Just the thought of canned sweet corn  ruining a delicious cheese pizza makes me weep too.


----------



## luvhips

Pizza with corn? Sacrilegious. I'm a NYer and we like our Pizza made the RIGHT way.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dear Admiral:

Hey, I know you tend to be a Johnny-Sung-Lately to all things musical, but I'm truly saddened by the fact you didn't discover the awesomeness of fat, singing Aussie blondes, beatboxing Asian ladies and projectile-vomiting a-ca-biatches until last night.

Your loss, motherfucker. Kisses and big hugs from 2012,

Pitch Perfect


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dear Folks, 

A sweet, starchy thing (such as corn) on top of another sweet, starchy thing (such as a huge blob of dough covered in sweetened red sauce) may be interesting/good (though I have yet to try it). I mean, doesn't pineapple on pizza sound nasty but some people love it...and it was good when I tried it. 

Moi


P.S. I have been known to add potatoes to my stir fries and then serve it over rice.

P.S.S. I have no idea why I am diabetic now.

P.S.S.S I liked that movie, too, Admiral


----------



## Rojodi

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Folks,
> 
> A sweet, starchy thing (such as corn) on top of another sweet, starchy thing (such as a huge blob of dough covered in sweetened red sauce) may be interesting/good (though I have yet to try it). I mean, doesn't pineapple on pizza sound nasty but some people love it...and it was good when I tried it.
> 
> Moi
> 
> 
> P.S. I have been known to add potatoes to my stir fries and then serve it over rice.
> 
> P.S.S. I have no idea why I am diabetic now.
> 
> P.S.S.S I liked that movie, too, Admiral



I've not tried the corn thing yet. 
I LOVE pineapple on a pizza, especially with ham and roasted red peppers


----------



## x0emnem0x

Dear John,

For the longest time, I made sure I remembered everything about you. I did, so whenever we were apart, I'd never miss you too much. But it never worked, I still missed you. I remember the way you smiled, how bashful you got when I complimented you, the way you said my name, the depth of your eyes, the way you smelled. Slowly, day by day, it's fading. Part of me is thankful. But realizing it's going away makes me miss it, makes me want to look at all the old pictures I never got rid of. I know if I do, I'll remember. It'll hurt, and I don't want to hurt, I don't want to remember. I'm better than that, and I'm stronger than that. I've made it this far. So even though I almost gave in tonight, I'm not going to. I'll go to bed and wake up in a better mood, glad that I never gave in. It's been a long time coming, but it's becoming easier to forget you.

Sincerely,
The One That Got Away


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Joe

So glad you are at peace now. So sad that you are gone. Your love story with Mum is the one I will always tell people who want to give up on love. You were a part of my life longer than my own Father. I have so much gratitude for every single time you helped me move, gave Mum money and told her to put it in my account, added extra to what she was giving me and for always being there for me.

What I am most grateful for is that you made Mum happy, that you had 20+ years of love and friendship together.

You leave a hole that will never be filled.

Rest with the Angels you have earned it.

Love Always
Mandie.


----------



## AuntHen

Dearest "Little People",

You two are the best! In a world full of adults, you "get me" better and so much. Your love, silliness and sense of humor get me through many difficult days. You both can be little messes but your cute faces and sweet, sweet hearts make up for that through and through! I am most certainly blessed and grateful to have you in my life. I thank God so much that we came into each others lives :wubu::happy:

Big hugs, oomfer doomfer marshmallow-jennifer and "let it gos" 
~Mary Poppins~


----------



## x0emnem0x

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Admiral:
> 
> Hey, I know you tend to be a Johnny-Sung-Lately to all things musical, but I'm truly saddened by the fact you didn't discover the awesomeness of fat, singing Aussie blondes, beatboxing Asian ladies and projectile-vomiting a-ca-biatches until last night.
> 
> Your loss, motherfucker. Kisses and big hugs from 2012,
> 
> Pitch Perfect



Lmao, this made me smile.


----------



## penguin

Yo, dude on another site,

Telling me I'm not fat isn't a compliment. It's stupid. I AM fat. The photos of me clearly show that. I have mentioned several times that I'm fat AND fabulous and that I'm okay with it. There's no way anyone could look at pictures of me and think "huh, she's not fat at all." I don't know what drugs you're trippin' on if you do think that.


----------



## Rojodi

penguin said:


> Yo, dude on another site,
> 
> Telling me I'm not fat isn't a compliment. It's stupid. I AM fat. The photos of me clearly show that. I have mentioned several times that I'm fat AND fabulous and that I'm okay with it. There's no way anyone could look at pictures of me and think "huh, she's not fat at all." I don't know what drugs you're trippin' on if you do think that.



*trying to see those other pictures* hehehehe

Dear Motorists:

There are a ton of potholes in the road, I know that, but sheesh, that doesn't mean you have to be rude and almost clip me as I share the road with you. Next time, teenager, I WILL kick and dent you little Jap Crap 4-cylinder "tuner"

Signed,
If you can't see me on the side of the road, you're blind


----------



## KHayes666

Dear he who shall not be named,

That's TWICE now you've gone on forums and attacked feeders and questioned their existence.

Are you simply just jealous that I and others have had sex with or gone on dates with women that you can only jack off to? 


-TRP


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

penguin said:


> Yo, dude on another site,
> 
> Telling me I'm not fat isn't a compliment. It's stupid. I AM fat. The photos of me clearly show that. I have mentioned several times that I'm fat AND fabulous and that I'm okay with it. There's no way anyone could look at pictures of me and think "huh, she's not fat at all." I don't know what drugs you're trippin' on if you do think that.



Lol this reminded me of an old argument on a dating site years ago when a guy messaged me and said my profile sounded like "I had given up and should always strive to be thin/healthy" and he felt this way because he worked at a fitness center. 

After several back and forth messages with him, I just blocked him because it didn't seem worth it. 

A couple of days later, he messaged me again to continue...under a new ID.

Unfortunately, I suppose, he never managed to "save me". 

Holy cow, the stupidity of some....and I understand that WTF moment you must have had :doh:


----------



## Rojodi

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Lol this reminded me of an old argument on a dating site years ago when a guy messaged me and said my profile sounded like "I had given up and should always strive to be thin/healthy" and he felt this way because he worked at a fitness center.
> 
> After several back and forth messages with him, I just blocked him because it didn't seem worth it.
> 
> A couple of days later, he messaged me again to continue...under a new ID.
> 
> Unfortunately, I suppose, he never managed to "save me".
> 
> Holy cow, the stupidity of some....and I understand that WTF moment you must have had :doh:



Hey, can I save you 

LOL


----------



## CleverBomb

Rojodi said:


> Hey, can I save you
> 
> LOL


You're a GEICO insurance agent?


----------



## Ms Charlotte BBW

Dear you,

So it's been a week and you haven't talked to me. I guess you are the type of person who only wants to hear what you want to hear, and if that's not the case, then you shut that person out forever. Well, it looks like you shut me out because you didn't like what I said. You didn't like to hear how hurt I was over your actions. 

It's sad that one minute you are telling me how our souls crossed paths for a reason and that you felt like you knew me your entire life, yet you are so quick to stop being my friend. I thought you were a much bigger person than that. You knew how I felt about you, and you encouraged it until it didn't fit into your life anymore. 

I miss you terribly but what keeps me from calling you is knowing that you don't feel the same way. You don't care now, and you probably never did. I was replaceable, another notch on your belt...now you have moved on and I am left to wonder why I was never good enough. 

Lastly, it's important for you to know that you were the only one I was every completely myself with. You knew everything there was to know about me...everything. Not for one minute did I lie to you about anything. Also, thank you for pointing out my many "shortcomings", I didn't know friends did that to one another. But then again, I was never really your friend anyway, was I?

Sadly, I still love you and miss your morning texts...I also miss your goodnight texts wishing me sweet dreams. Nothing left for me to dream about anymore...all of them went away when you stopped being my friend.

~Me

P.S. Have fun in Florida and be safe. I still worry and wish you well...


----------



## KHayes666

Ms Charlotte BBW said:


> Snipped



I know how you feel. I've been so many times by people like that its become second nature. Totally sucks


----------



## Ms Charlotte BBW

KHayes666 said:


> I know how you feel. I've been so many times by people like that its become second nature. Totally sucks



Sadly something like that should never become second nature.  ((Hugs))


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Dear Universe,

I live in a city where public transportation is not useable for myself for various reasons. My car has not worked in 2 months. It is a beautiful day and I want to take my dogs out to a dog park. I want to run errands and do things. My car has not worked in two months. I love my new job, but, it is a significantly pay cut to the point I'm not sure how I'm going to buy groceries and I'm not exaggerating. I realize it will pay off in the long run, but, I have no way of getting my car looked out...nor getting it fixed. My friend takes me to work everyday but there will come a time when that will end.

I'm having a rough day. I feel like a shut in. I cannot go anywhere. I need a few things and I cannot go get them. I'm beyond frustrated. My roommate has left for the day and I will be lucky if he makes it home tonight. I'm just having a hard time coping with not being able to come and go as I please. It is making me profoundly sad and re-evaluate all my decisions in life that put me in this position. Please magically fix my car.


----------



## Ms Charlotte BBW

Dear You,

I forgot to mention...this song was never about him. It was always about you.

~Me


----------



## AuntHen

Dear Lainey,

Today I found and bought some chocolate covered *Peeps *and thought of you. I wish I could share them with you! 

Love,
B


----------



## Fuzzy

fat9276 said:


> Dear Lainey,
> 
> Today I found and bought some chocolate covered *Peeps *and thought of you. I wish I could share them with you!
> 
> Love,
> B



Peepsters.... I saw those... and I put them back and grabbed some caramel eggs instead... :happy:


----------



## CastingPearls

fat9276 said:


> Dear Lainey,
> 
> Today I found and bought some chocolate covered *Peeps *and thought of you. I wish I could share them with you!
> 
> Love,
> B


Oh dear, I wish you could too.


----------



## CleverBomb

Puentes Hills Thrust Fault?

We know you've been under a lot of stress and needed to cut loose, but now that you've gotten that out of your system, just have yourself a few small aftershocks and settle down -- it's going to be ok, really. 

Hey, San Andreas...

That thing the Puentes Hills thrust fault just did? Don't do that. 

Thanks.

Sincerely,
Southern California


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear friend and colleague,
I am so sorry I got so upset and after nearly breaking down in tears when discussing our misunderstanding and practically ignored you for the rest of the week. Yes, you could have listened better and thought more about how I might be struggling with this head injury, but I probably should have been more open with you. I wish you'd noticed how I felt, but I'm guessing you have a lot going on yourself right now and you had no way of knowing how hard Monday was for me. Please be back on Tuesday so we can talk and put this behind us. I need you and miss your humour and friendship. I really hope I've not ruined things...I already feel like I've come back to some parallel universe as so much has changed. I just want a hug and for you to say you understand.
Librarygirl


----------



## missyj1978

Dear Bitch,
Why do you think your better then everyone else? Your not, your alone, no man to speak of. Wonder why, its because your not only a bitch but you think your better then everyone. Any REAL man can see that. The men that kiss your ass are just scared of you. Your over bearing and cruel, and that alone makes you ugly. Your cold hearted ways are a turn off and make me sick.
I hope one day when your old and alone you will think back and realize how right I am. You think you look good but you look YEARS beyond you real age due to all the stress that you put yourself and others threw just trying to be the worlds biggest bitch day after day. 

Screw you,
Missy


----------



## Missamanda

Dear self,
Take the time out to appreciate yourself today. You deserve it. Don't put yourself down for things you can't control and don't panic over things that haven't happened yet. You'll make it through these obstacles you're enduring over time. I never tell you enough but I do love you and I'm sorry for the extreme pressure I put on you. 
Sincerely, me.


----------



## littlefairywren

To Paul (you are no Dear)

You went too far, hurt too many people, and if I'm pushed one too many times I will cut you from my life in the blink of an eye. I can't even bear to look at you. You're nothing.

Kimberly





Dear Universe/Guy in the sky

If you've anything to do with speeding up Karma, it would make things a little easier. I don't care how you do it, but think these have a good ring to them...

* eaten by marauding cows.
* lost forever in marijuana wilderness without a map.
* tongue ripped out in bio-diesel fuel disaster.
* falls off the edge of the earth.

In anticipation
Kimberly


----------



## dharmabean

Dear ExHusband and Your New 1/2 Your Age Wife, 

I know being Newlyweds you have SO much more on your plate to discuss than little ole me. I mean, I understand that I was past, but you're together now to make a future. Discussing my personal life, issues and struggles as of late, should not be your #1 go-to topic of choice. I mean, considering you're like 42 and have always wanted babies, and considering she's like 27, you should be out there trying to make babies and not trying to make drama. 

Your moving lips would be better spend kissing each other's ass instead of talking about my recent train wreck of a relationship. I mean, I know she's young ExHusband, but you don't have to act her immature age as well. 

Move on, I have. It's really disturbing to have mutual friends and acquaintances that I have not heard from in over 1.5 years contact me via facebook today to *TELL* _me_ about _my_ abusive relationship I just escaped. 

Sorry your life is shitty enough for you to talk about others instead of focusing on your own problems.

Your strivin' and survivin' exwife

Me.


----------



## ScreamingChicken

Dear Ex Wife,

You using our daughter to make your presence known 10 days before my wedding is pretty damn low, even for you. You deciding to change what she wears in MY wedding without even seeing what she picked or talking to me further is WAY overstepping your boundaries. 

Then to question my judgement as a parent, telling me WHO I should have sought approval from of the garment....really? Is your over active imagination just that hell bent on justifying your meddling in my affairs?

Based on how well I know you and what the kids have told me about your spending habits (buying another guy's affections again?) as of late, I pretty much counted on you showing your ass ....and now you have done it.

Me


----------



## HottiMegan

Dear Universe,

Please just give us a break. I'm tired of constantly struggling and having one medical issue after another pop up. Give us some good news for a change! 

thanks,
me


----------



## CastingPearls

To my brother, his wife, and her entire family,

Stop searching for me. You are dead to me after a lifetime of abuse. I want my privacy and am living my life without your authorization or approval. Your opinions of me, your smear campaigns, the colossal amount of time wasted in looking for me is a failure and only indicates your impotence and rage that you can no longer control my life. 

Leave my friends alone. Stop harassing them. They won't give me up to you, they won't tell you where I live, and the more you harass them, the more you show the world who all of you really are. You are doing the work yourselves, without any input from me, that I haven't invited or encouraged your inappropriate behavior and the truth will come out eventually.

There is no chance of reconciliation, and I've made arrangements, personal and legal, that after our father and grandmother's deaths, your plans to restrict me from viewing them and saying goodbye will fail.


----------



## dharmabean

ScreamingChicken said:


> Dear Ex Wife,
> 
> You using our daughter to make your presence known 10 days before my wedding is pretty damn low, even for you. You deciding to change what she wears in MY wedding without even seeing what she picked or talking to me further is WAY overstepping your boundaries.
> 
> Then to question my judgement as a parent, telling me WHO I should have sought approval from of the garment....really? Is your over active imagination just that hell bent on justifying your meddling in my affairs?
> 
> Based on how well I know you and what the kids have told me about your spending habits (buying another guy's affections again?) as of late, I pretty much counted on you showing your ass ....and now you have done it.
> 
> Me




I would rep you in return, but apparently I need to spread myself around a bit more. 

Here's to asshat exes! Cheers!


----------



## KHayes666

Dear self circa 1998,

TALK TO TANYA! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TALK TO TANYA!!! Put down the video game controller, get off the computer and go make a real friend. You'll regret not doing it 16 years later....and by the way there are no flying cars at this point in time and gas prices have tripled. 


-
TRP circa 2014


----------



## Saoirse

Hey

You're super sexy. Sexy face, sexy body, sexy hands (ohhh your hands), sexy manhood, sexy guns, sexy arrogant, smart ass personality. We have awesome sex and I WANT IT TONIGHT PLEAAASSSSEEEEEEEEEEE. Ive got a bottle of whiskey and sexy panties and I want to show off my curves and pleasure you and make you feel like a man.


omg i want it NOWWWW!

love, horny gal


----------



## Oona

Dear crazy-

Just because you dated my brother for 4 months doesn't mean you were going to marry him.

Go away. You're pushing creeper status.

Signed
His little sister.


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky

Seriously, dude, enough is enough. First he gets Dementia, now she's given the most insidious Alzheimers you could think of. The burden is too great and the pressure for those around them is heartbreaking...me included. Please shine a wee light over here and make the happy come back.

Kimberly


----------



## Tad

Dear trees;

I know we've all been waiting for a long time for warm weather, and you are all no doubt as impatient as us humans have been for Winter to finally leave and Spring to get itself firmly in place.

But, you know, all of you launching your pollen at pretty much the same time sounds like it could be confusing for you all, and it is pretty sucky for a lot of us humans, too. We get itchy, scratchy, eyes, can't breathe well, feel lousy, and often can't sleep well because of the other factors. 

Tired, scratchy, wheezy humans are not always of sound mind and judgement. If we go on a rampage with chainsaws and thin your numbers, we will feel guilty later, but I'm pretty sure allergy tree-icidal rage is a valid defense. Just saying, you know?

I really do love you guys....for most of the year. If some of you could chill out, not go too crazy with the pollen for the next couple of years, all will be good.

If not, well, we could always replace our gas fireplace with a wood burning one.....


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear Universe/ God
I would really like this head injury to get better. Having one better day yesterday reminded me how much easier life is without the head pain, vertigo, fatigue and tearfulness. It was also so good to get some of my old confidence back and have a lovely morning with some cool visitors and a special friend at work. Please help him with whatever is making him low and stressed and help me find a way to let him know I care and want us to be close again. I wish that comment our visitor made about it seeming like our wedding as we stood their shaking hands made him think like it did me! Help my friend and colleague who is heavily pregnant and ended up in hospital yesterday and let her and the baby be ok. I know I can't go back in time, but it seems like a lot of people I care about are having a hard time lately and I just miss those days we all seemed much happier and more carefree. Help me to have the intuition at least to do the as much as I can to improve the situations I can control in some way.

Thanks!
M


----------



## Phantasia

Dear psychotic coworker,

You are an unstable Crazy McNutty-Pants and I am not going to take your mind games and passive-aggressive shit anymore. You can never get me fired and I make more money than you. You have been a c*nt to me for 15 years. Yes, I'm fat, get the hell over it already.

Smooches,

Me


----------



## PolkaDotty

Half-wit, 

If you want to say goodbye to the last site on the internet that will [barely] still have you.... I can help with that.


----------



## swamptoad

I'd like to write this out to you. It's important that I only write two sentences.

vaguely, 
you know who I am


----------



## Donna

Dear Tiramisu Gelato;

Please taste as good as you look. And for the love of all things holy, please do not upset my ulcer. If I have to give up frozen desserts because of this nasty spot in my stomach, I will not be responsible for the carnage that will ensue. Someone may die. 

With Great Anticipation;
Drooling Lady With a Spoon


----------



## dharmabean

Dear You, 

Comments you make are not funny, they're actually seen as form of projection. If your online personality is in anyway a representation of who you are in person, it's actually rather sad. 

I hope you see the day when letting that shit go, is so empowering. I can only say that there's only room for growth in this life. I hate seeing that you're an angry person still. I wish you the best. Being negative only hurts you in the end. I learned that the hard way.

You wear passive aggressive like it's a tiara, it's not. It just shows how much you are really in a "needy" place in life. 

I do hope you get some help, work out your demons and learn to be a better woman.

From, 

Someone who's been there, and learning to be different because that's all we have in life.


----------



## swamptoad

Dear fellow First Reader,

Hi! I don't know if you are reading some of this, part of this, or 
all of this. I am so glad that you were the first to read this and might I
add that its very unfortunate that I may not even know you or appreciate you
for glancing at this letter which doesn't really pertain to anything 
whatsoever. My apologies in advance.

Sincerely, 
The Writer


----------



## Rojodi

Dear Middle Aged Blondie that almost hit me:

Your apology is hollow, since you were on your cell phone, typing in a number. How could you not see me? I'm wearing a brilliant yellow t-shirt! You're lucky I anticipated your bone-head and illegal move. If not, you'd be facing more than just a ticket for having the cell phone in your hand.

Thankfully yours,
Roger the Dodger


----------



## swamptoad

p.s. The questions and statements and grammatical writing of this letter has gone catawampus



Sincerely, 
Apologetic me, who just got ahead of his message


I hope its alright if I got ahead of myself. I'll try
to not let that happen again. I have not written 
you in the longest time and why would I? You are 
me ....and well that's just weird. Hey, unless I 
write the message "with" myself instead of "to" myself. 
Maybe? Maybe not? 


Dear,
me, you, "shrugs"


----------



## largenlovely

dear best friend,

I love you but you're jealousy and sudden neediness is making me crazy. my moving isn't gonna be THAT big of a change in our friendship. we rarely hang out and I live only a couple miles down the road. which I'm fine with that, it's how it has always been. we've always been each others emotional support more than the type of friends who run around painting the town red. but you have GOT to get over this jealousy. you've admitted to me and to my family that you're jealous of my other best friend, soon to be roomie. I found out that you've been going over to my parent's house and complaining about it with my family behind my back!! that is seriously fucked up. then when I told you to come over and hang out before I left, you acted like you were going to be put out to do it. I just have no earthly idea what to do with you right now. you're really pushing me away more than anything. you've got to pull yourself out of whatever this is. I don't get jealous when you go hang out with your tons of other friends. I always tell you to have fun because I am secure in our friendship. you need to get it together. you know I can't handle this clinginess and it gets on my last nerve. 

needing to take a step away for a minute,

your bestie.


----------



## ButlerGirl09

Dear Landlords,

You really must be clueless. Your panic when I informed you I would no longer reside in your shitty apartment was humorous. In what world did you actually think I'd resign the lease for another year?

I've been friendly and accommodating thus far and gave you the opportunity to make the departure easy on all of us, but you decided to be nasty. I ignored the code violations and your infractions on my tenant rights before, but you better believe I documented it all.

You'll be hearing from my lawyer because you messed with the wrong lady. I'm about to make your lives a living nightmare!

Sincerely,
Angry Bitch


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

ButlerGirl09 said:


> Dear Landlords,
> 
> You really must be clueless. Your panic when I informed you I would no longer reside in your shitty apartment was humorous. In what world did you actually think I'd resign the lease for another year?
> 
> I've been friendly and accommodating thus far and gave you the opportunity to make the departure easy on all of us, but you decided to be nasty. I ignored the code violations and your infractions on my tenant rights before, but you better believe I documented it all.
> 
> You'll be hearing from my lawyer because you messed with the wrong lady. I'm about to make your lives a living nightmare!
> 
> Sincerely,
> Angry Bitch



I soooooo want more details on what they did!


----------



## KHayes666

Dear Karma,

A few years ago I was plenty pissed off that you gave the evil bitch everything she ever wanted and left the good guy with virtually nothing. I was doubly pissed when you took his best friend away this past November. Recently I heard you took something away from the evil bitch....consider it a step in the right direction. 

-
Ajax


----------



## Ms Charlotte BBW

ButlerGirl09 said:


> Dear Landlords,
> 
> You really must be clueless. Your panic when I informed you I would no longer reside in your shitty apartment was humorous. In what world did you actually think I'd resign the lease for another year?
> 
> I've been friendly and accommodating thus far and gave you the opportunity to make the departure easy on all of us, but you decided to be nasty. I ignored the code violations and your infractions on my tenant rights before, but you better believe I documented it all.
> 
> You'll be hearing from my lawyer because you messed with the wrong lady. I'm about to make your lives a living nightmare!
> 
> Sincerely,
> Angry Bitch



Oh dear! We are going through the same thing with our landlord!!! Left the house spotless, mowed the grass, left nothing at all behind, but apparently the oven wasn't cleaned to her specifications...and she thinks she can just keep our $900 security deposit! What's even worse is that she was a friend to both my husband and myself! UGH! Best of luck to you!


----------



## Oona

Dear "friend"

Passive aggressive/vague status updates and the silent treatment are a dead give away that you're pissed at me (guess you weren't that vague after all, eh?) Telling me that you're fine, but leaving the group chat we had with another friend says otherwise.

If you have a problem with me, put your big girl panties on and start talking. If you don't, I'll assume you just don't care. Which means I wont have to care either. It's that simple. 

You're the one that always raves about your ability to be blunt and honest to a fault, and yet you can't even do that here. You can't have ONE conversation if it actually involves you as the subject.

The worst part is, I KNOW why you're mad. And the situation is not as it seems. You are just seeing it from the outside. No, I didn't invite you to my birthday, but that wasn't anything against you. I was planning on a small, family pool party. How the heck was I supposed to know that my boyfriend had called up our mutual friend and invited her from California as a surprise? And when she showed up, I was already drunk. So no, I didn't think to call you and tell you (as if it really is your business). 

Get over it. Either talk to me about it or lose the right to be mad about it. 

Signed,
Annoyed.


----------



## penguin

Dear You,

It was probably for the best. It was needed, anyway. But I still miss you.

love,
me.


----------



## Ms Charlotte BBW

Dear You,

It's time I let you go. To have you around hurts too much. I hope you understand. It's not you, it's me. I'll love you always and forever.

xo
Me

P.S. You were the one...the only one. I knew it from the very beginning.


----------



## x0emnem0x

BDL,

We've been talking for so long now, I don't know why you won't fall into me like I do now. I guess 5 months isn't that long but it feels like much longer. We get along so well and our late night Skype talks and texting all day is my favorite, but I don't get why you took a chance on her and not me? Maybe it wouldn't work out but we wouldn't know until we tried and I'm willing. Maybe I shouldn't be so ready to potentially ruin something good... either way, I'm glad I know you. <3 

I wish I could hold you.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Universe

I feel so very humbled and blessed thank you for all the amazing things you have sent my way this year

even if there are still struggles ahead the blessing I have will help me get through them 

taking away a lot of the worries has helped

thank you

an extremely grateful me


----------



## LillyBBBW

To that random lady on the bus the other day,

YOU ROCK!!! Thank you for giving me the idea for that cold salad. I traveled back and forth all across the city gathering up the ingredients and my God, it was WORTH it. This Salmon Macaroni Salad is the best thing that has happened to me today. Sooo good. It is worth every blister on my feet and I will definitely be making this again. Thank you so much wherever you are!

Me


----------



## Saisha

Dear Foot:

Next time you get the bright idea to pretend that all is well and dandy instead of fessing up that you are numb and let me trip the light fantastic into the door-frame and closet just so you can spend a few weeks being elevated and wearing a boot - well, you can go bugger off!!!!

Signed:
Charliehorsed bicep


----------



## x0emnem0x

Dear Ovaries,

Hello there. Just checking in on you guys to see how you’re doing. You are actually currently causing me a lot of pain, so I was wondering if you’re ok. It feels like you might be mad at me. I just want to clear up any confusion that may be between us. No, I’m not pregnant. I’m sorry that this fact seems to be causing you such distress. Now is just not an appropriate time for me to bring a child into the world. Face it, I can barely take care of you and me, so it really wouldn't be fair to a baby. I would appreciate it if you could maybe respect me and my life choices and stop taking out your frustration on my poor belly. How about I get us some chocolate and tea and a nice movie? Doesn't that sound nice? Let me know...

Love, Sher


----------



## Librarygirl

Dear universe/ God,
This week feels strange- like some weird time where the line between present and past is particularly thin. I know it's probably just my over active imagination, but somehow it feels like this situation is some kind of payback for failing to appreciate someone in the past. I guess everything is useful life experience and I wouldn't necessarily want to rewrite history, but maybe that day back four years ago, I'd never have used the word 'only' next to his name. I know I didn't mean it in a bad way, but it does seem like karma kicking me in the teeth when now I love him so much it hurts. Ironic really- I couldn't see what was there in front of me! 
Please let it not be too late. I almost hope my random outspokenness and honesty made him think- and maybe if he does guess how I feel that maybe, when he is over whatever is preoccupying him and making him so distant from everyone, we might be close and share something. I wish I could stop worrying it is more than the work stress he claims is all that's bothering him. I miss him already and the next week looks so long. I wish I'd realised back then, years ago how special he is and appreciated this spark I feel with him. Hindsight sucks!

Overthoughtful and emotional librarygirl


----------



## Ms Charlotte BBW

Dear As*hole who skinned your kitten and dumped him on the road,

I hope someone finds you and makes you suffer the same pain your kitten felt. Thankfully the vets worked their magic and the kitten is almost completely healed and safe. He had to have his tail amputated, but he is alive and very much loved. You suck. I wish you nothing but bad luck until the day you die; which won't be soon enough. 

Insincerely yours,

An animal lover!


----------



## CAMellie

Dear moore2me,

Just...thank you!


Melanie and Son


----------



## EMH1701

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

We haven't dated in over a decade, so why are you in town now sniffing around me? Just because I actually have a steady source of employment and you do not does not entitle you to my time. You are a Loser with a capital L. Also, following me online and trying to friend me on every major social website is seriously creepy. I only wish you weren't in Starfleet so I would not have to ever see you again at the same social function. Go find someone else to bother.

Sincerely,

Me


----------



## KHayes666

EMH1701 said:


> Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
> 
> We haven't dated in over a decade, so why are you in town now sniffing around me? Just because I actually have a steady source of employment and you do not does not entitle you to my time. You are a Loser with a capital L. Also, following me online and trying to friend me on every major social website is seriously creepy. *I only wish you weren't in Starfleet so I would not have to ever see you again at the same social function.* Go find someone else to bother.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Me



May I suggest a powerful phaser blast? That autta get rid of him


----------



## Dromond

Belay that phaser order! Photon torpedoes.


----------



## KHayes666

To no one in particular

What I saw tonight is the main reason why I left the community. The worst part is there's nothing I can do about it.


----------



## CleverBomb

KHayes666 said:


> May I suggest a powerful phaser blast? That autta get rid of him





Dromond said:


> Belay that phaser order! Photon torpedoes.


Transporter malfunction. 

"Oops".


----------



## Saisha

Dear T,

It would be nice if you held up to your end of the bargain and functioned like you were supposed to instead of braying like the caterwauling neanderthal nincompoop that you have been acting like.

Go bugger off!
Me.


----------



## Tracyarts

To woman "A" I was friends with in junior high, in reference to woman "B" I've been friends with since junior high:

WTF is wrong with you "A"? Obviously "B" is going through a really rough time right now and wanted to reach out to her friends via Facebook. Posting a reply telling her that "Facebook isn't the place for your emotional breakdown" and then following it up with "just sayin' lol" is about the lowest thing I have read in quite some time. 

There's a reason why I'm still friends with "B" and not you, and the snarky little reply you made explains exactly why. That reply is the same kind of mean girl shit you would pull 30 years ago, and even now you still follow it up with a laugh to try and deflect from it. It wasn't cool then, and it isn't cool now. Grow the fuck up, "A". We're in our forties now. Either give "B" some support or ignore her. Shitting on her hard times is only making you look like a petty bitch. 

The only reason why I didn't call you out and rip you a new asshole right there on Facebook is that "B" doesn't need the drama and the negativity. And "B", there is NO reason why you needed to follow up "A's" reply with an apology for venting. You're always a positive and supportive person, you have every right to vent when you're the one who finally hits hard times. 

In closing, fuck you "A". Sad to see that you haven't changed a bit over the decades.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Random Judgemental Bitch and Taxi Driver

Bitch overhearing you say *after all you have to do something to get that big *to the chick in the fish n chip shop and have her shut you down somewhat made me want to bitch slap you 

funnier given you were there buying the same thing I was lunch that was fried!!!!!

It was bitches like you who sent me into borderline agoraphobia and I will not let you rob me of my freedom again

wallow in your petty judgemental bitchyness skinny cow.

Mr Taxi driver my size has never stopped you blatantly hitting on me even going so far one night to get out of the taxi walk me to my door and give me an extra extra hard to get away from Hug and keep trying to invite yourself in so

commenting that *I am bigger than when you last saw me and saying I am just saying this as a friend *does not make it right

its none of your freaking business!!! Not only this but rude much

Fuck you both !!!!!! You do not get to comment on my body or make me feel bad about my body

Lucky for me I am stronger than ever and have supportive people around me!!


One pissed off Amanda


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

I'd be pissed off, too!  I'm sorry, Amanda. I hope they both trip over scary clowns and land face-first in cream pies tomorrow.


----------



## spiritangel

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I'd be pissed off, too!  I'm sorry, Amanda. I hope they both trip over scary clowns and land face-first in cream pies tomorrow.



Hugs thanks Ginny am over it now it was just one of those days I guess


----------



## ODFFA

Dear motivation to do things,

For the love of all sanity, please get the fuck back here. I need you. My brain needs to be either occupied or in a state of ZZZZ. There is no third option. Please.

In sincere desperation,
Me (<---- supposedly the one who controls you)


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Friend
Sorry we can't be friends anymore
Snuggletiger who truly cared.


----------



## Rojodi

Dear Obama:

Because you're in office, my district polling place no longer has cookies to share with voters.

Thanks a lot!!

Sincerely
A Voter


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Rojodi said:


> Dear Obama:
> 
> Because you're in office, my district polling place no longer has cookies to share with voters.
> 
> Thanks a lot!!
> 
> Sincerely
> A Voter




Dear Roj,

We're in a recession so everyone must sacrifice 




Moi


----------



## snuggletiger

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Roj,
> 
> We're in a recession so everyone must sacrifice
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Moi



But at the expense of cookies? cookies? Free cookies for everyone, why can't industrial nations realize that dream?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

snuggletiger said:


> But at the expense of cookies? cookies? Free cookies for everyone, why can't industrial nations realize that dream?




You make a really good point there- we can't possibly give up cookies :eat2:


----------



## Rojodi

In all seriousness, I wonder how many actually think I'm upset over it? It's something the ladies at the church where I vote bake goodies for the voters. I might have arrived too late for them, like I was for my "I Voted" sticker.


----------



## spookytwigg

Dear transport makers,
Please make something that can accommodate my knees. Being tall on a bus is just annoying.
Thanks in advance.


----------



## Saisha

Dear Person 1 - Thank you for teaching me and reminding me. I will always be eternally grateful to you and hope I can PIF or repay your kindness some day.

Dear Person 2 - Dude - chill out. I don't become best friends with someone I've spent less than 5-10 minutes talking with. You have the potential to be a pretty cool guy but you are dripping with desperation!

Dear Self - Be still and be in the moment. Things are good and do not try to know what others are thinking, because you can't.


----------



## snuggletiger

Rojodi said:


> In all seriousness, I wonder how many actually think I'm upset over it? It's something the ladies at the church where I vote bake goodies for the voters. I might have arrived too late for them, like I was for my "I Voted" sticker.



I think you're serious. Granted its about cookies, to me its the principle of people having something and then someone arbitrarily taking it away without compensating the people. It may sound trivial being cookies but the fact that the people had something that made them happy then wham it got taken away just out of an arbitrary whim. Bleck.


----------



## x0emnem0x

Dear Kind-of-brother-in-law,

It really annoys me that I let you use my car numerous times and everytime you make me regret it. Not only do you leave trash in there, including when your dumbass left a freaking EGG in the back seat and had I not found it my car would have been more smelly that it was at that moment, but you smoke in it too. I only let you use it to make my sisters life easier because you make it hell. You're such a freaking slob, you are an asshole, and you are a father. Man up and act like it, do some fucking work around the house and when my sister asks you to do something, do it. You are lazy as hell anyway, just do something instead of pissing her off and insisting you'll do it later. You didn't mow the grass for weeks because you didn't have a lawn mower but the minute she finds one it's 3 days later after you said you'd mow it and your lazy ass still hasn't! You're a cool guy and all, but lately you're just really pissing me off. Get your shit together. 

Your girlfriends annoyed sister


----------



## Micara

Dear You,

Thanks for making me feel used and cheap and unworthy.

You no longer have control over my feelings. I'm cutting you out.

Me


----------



## MattB

Hey...

If it means anything I think it could work, and not just in an alternate universe. 

Just know that I noticed, for what it's worth...


----------



## CAMellie

Dear Me,

I'm so proud of you! You've had a lot of pretty serious setbacks recently and yet you're still chugging along. You're accomplishing things and handling any setbacks better than expected. Keep up the good work, me!


I love you, me!
Melanie


----------



## Saisha

Dear ,

Why did you have to take actions that made me take flight? It might have worked into something wonderful but then again, maybe we both dodged bullets.

Me


----------



## Rojodi

Dear Porsche Owner,

The parking spots in front of Starbucks outlined in blue are handicapped parking. I am not sorry that you have two tickets on your windshield right now, and I'm happy that the clothing store employees called the cops on you. 

We here in Starbucks are not laughing with you, but AT you, fucker!! Be lucky that no one caused you to have a valve stem problem

Signed,
Laughing my cute ass off!


----------



## spiritangel

Dear Old friend,


I love that we can have discussions without arguing. However your jaded views on relationships and men really are not mine even if we have both had bad experiences.

However telling me any man that wants to be with me is just a fat fetishist and only interested in my size so therefore could not love me for who I am, and throwing it in without giving me a chance to speak up beyond the I happen to know quite a few amazing men who like larger women who are great guys and want the whole package was not cool.


I get where you are coming from because you have only the mainstream viewpoint and my personal relationship experiences to go on. However it was a lot like saying sorry but you are unlovable

which I know is not true and I know that was not your intent. Also telling me the BBW community is not good for you was also not a great thing


for the most part I feel lucky to have an amazing friend like you are (far to much to go into here) but sometimes I want to smack you and tell you to wake up to yourself


LOve

slightly dissappointed and miffed


----------



## Aust99

Dear awesome, babely and supportive friends of 20 years... 

With the changes in my life over the last few months I'm so grateful for your support and friendship... And just being there when needed for a visit or to lend an ear. I'm glad I can be that person for you both too and I think it's a testament to our friendship that through these challenges, sickness and personal crisis, we can always count on each other to be there without judgement. 

Here's to another 20+ years of friendship. I can't wait to see what's in store for the three of us. 

Your grateful friend.


----------



## Ruffie

Dear Game Player/Basic Bitch

The week has come when the agreement will be signed, final payment will be made and our family can get you out of our lives for good. You have caused so much pain and financial hardship on this family when all we did was try to love you and your family and make you a part of ours. I am not at this moment in a place where I can forgive you, but will work on it. For now all I can say is that ridding ourselves of you and the drama you create will be the best Christmas gift ever!!


----------



## snuggletiger

Dear Cosby
Just tell the truth already. The constant head shaking and cigar waving of "I can do what I Want cuz I da Coz" has seem to wear out its 40 + year welcome. I just curious to know how and why from one stand up comics cracks in Philly your career just disintegrated. 

Signed
Your pal Snuggletiger who feels bad for the victims.


----------



## Saoirse

hey dude,

I get that you want to be with me, Im pretty irresistible. But having sex with my friend's gf is not the way to go about it. But on the bright side, he's done with her cheating ass and I never wanted you anyway, so you guys can do what you do!


----------



## Micara

Dear D,

I really don't like having my every move on social media stalked, but thanks anyway.

Me


----------



## Shan34

This could be therapy.

Dear M,

I'm growing real tired of your words making me feel ugly. Of all the words you could chose to say to me....that's what you pick? I dunno if it's just a sickness or a sadness. Perhaps both.

Signed,
Don't know if I've got what's needed to hang in here.


----------



## spiritangel

Dear 2015

You are My Year

I am determined it will be awesome and amazing even if just in little ways.

I am ready for changes both big and small, the kind that will make my world and my life richer and better

so bring it on 2015 let's get the party started


A very excited and curious

Me


----------



## LeoGibson

Dear Texas,

You know I love you, right? But seriously enough with this weather programming by Cybill shit!! Really, yesterday 82 and sunny and today 30 and sleet WTF? WTFF? This is the third time in a little over a month you've pulled this mess. We get it, you're wild and unpredictable. Enough already. 

Your friend,

LG


----------



## littlefairywren

Dear Universe/Guy in the sky...

Why our Lainey? My heart aches and my throat feels tight with tears. You had no right.

Kimberly


----------



## ODFFA

To every single one of you Dimsfolk who has stuck by me this past year,

I... don't even know. Thank you hardly cuts it. You guys have seen me at my Eeyore-liest, my most unflattering. And 99.99999% of you have been so ridiculously patient and kind. Some of the very awesomest people I know are people I met here.

Thank you for being so gracious about everything and not giving up on me.


----------



## LeoGibson

H,

If you're not really into doing it don't act like you're doing me a favor. I'd just as soon do it by myself. 

LG


----------



## Tad

Dear Winter;

Just a quick note, to give a little personal feedback about this year. First of all, I know that last year you were a bit messed up because of that thing with Nina, and really weren’t feeling yourself. We are all glad that you are feeling more yourself this year, and we’re looking forward to having a good time with you.

But here is the thing: you’ve been coming on a bit strong this year. If you think back to other years, sometimes you show up sooner than others, usually you start with sprinkling a few snow kisses a couple of times first, sometimes you even do that, wink, and then leave us for a bit. This year you showed up and right away it was the sort of focused, prolonged, attention that can make it hard for us to walk or operate heavy machinery. I know, I know, sometimes you feel if a little bit is good, more is better. And sometimes that can be fine &#8211; we all remember and still talk about that year that you just kept showering us with attention until we could barely move, and it sure was a memorable year. But a bit of ramp up is nice, let’s us get back into the flow of things, you know? 

And then there is the matter of timing. I hear that yesterday you blew Toronto until it couldn’t see, which can be pretty exciting, but less so during the afternoon rush hour. If you want to show us all you’ve got, how about doing it during the night, when we can lie back and enjoy it, and be a little recovered by morning?

And speaking of all you’ve got, normally in December it is mostly about showering us with the snow kisses. Oh, sure, you might be getting some hard cold just starting, letting us know what’s coming, but that is mostly in play, just a little prod to get us in the mood, to make sure we’re ready, then back to the gentle snow. And you give us a white Christmas and a promise of outdoor skating, and only then do things start getting a little more rough &#8211; but by then we’re ready for your big, hard, -30 degree weather.

Yesterday we saw -17C, and we were all like “Whoa, that came up all of a sudden, wasn’t quite ready for that. Good reminder that we’ll need to go get the protective gear out soon, and we need to relax and get ready for it. But this morning we woke up to you pounding us with -27. Dude, that is huge, and we weren’t ready, we so weren’t ready. This is why you get a bad reputation, no matter how many white Christmases and long outdoor skating seasons and beautiful ski days you deliver, the pain of days like today will linger, and will be what people remember. This is why you’re going to deliver a winter wonderland some day in February and wonder why everybody is staying inside instead of coming out to play. They’ll remember what you did today, and be all “That Winter is such a jerk! -27 with no real preparation, that hurts! I’m not trusting him again!

So no complaining if people jet off to have an affair with Summer. Summer can be fickle too, but Summer doesn’t deliver mornings like this one. That cold, that fast &#8211; that’s not cool, dude, not cool at all.


----------



## Rojodi

Dear Bees,

I know that we have not treated you well, with all the chemicals used to kill you and some that have caused your parasites to flourish. Could you please come back? I mean, with your numbers being down, flora has increased their pollen released, and it's causing such allergic reactions that many many have had to take time off from work.

Thank you and we do love you.

A-Choo


----------



## ODFFA

Dear friends from Dims,

I haven't messaged you in forever and you probably feel really hurt and neglected. You know who you are. 

I don't know what to say, except that I'm sorry. Again. And I've said before that my silence has nothing to do with you in particular, though that must feel pretty hard to believe. When we chat, I feel like you expect positivity from me, and I don't know if I can give much of that. There is nothing but brokenness in me, and I don't know how to be a friend to anybody right now. I'm _that _person. I know what it's like to be around someone like me, and I'd rather spare us both the inevitable burnout. 

I'm also tired of the shame of living with my parents again after returning from England. It's like I don't have the right to feel hurt or enraged, because what am I still doing living there then? Fighting depression, anxiety and disability in a country with a lack of job prospects & public transport, that's what. I _am _trying. May not look like it, but I'm trying my darnedest to be rid of these toxic people. But I don't think that answer satisfies anyone.

I don't know what more to say. I don't have it in me to small-talk it up with you right now. I truly am sorry.


----------



## AuntHen

Shout out to all the FL peeps!
I lived there a long time and have family there.
Stay safe and hoping all the best <3


----------



## AuntHen

CBS,

You are the craziest dude I have ever met (in the best of ways). I absolutely enjoy our friendship. However, you are also incredibly attractive. 
I am trying to keep my heart guarded but your flirting is so cute and addictive haha 

Me


----------



## AuntHen

Dear CBS,

Thanks for the long talk today. I understand and appreciate more of the person you are. The song that makes me think of you, is truly more about your inside now. You are absolutely gorgeous... inside and out.
You are such a special friend to me (and a fine looking one, those eyes haha :blush :happy:

Me


----------



## ODFFA

Never mind...


----------



## swamptoad

Dear washing machine at our apartments,

You did a great job spinning out the laundry last time ...so what give this time?

Sincerely, I sure hope I have enough quarters for the dryer.


----------



## ODFFA

Dear website that's sneakily putting up all those Emmerdale episodes for us mere non-British mortals, 

Please, pleeeeease never ever get taken down.


Also... Dear Emmerdale,

You are killing it. I'm pretty sure you've ascended soap opera status at this point. Either way, I will never be ashamed of watching you.


All the feels,
Odie


----------



## ODFFA

Dear car guard that just saved my mom's life, thank you. We need more people like you in this godforsaken country.


----------



## DragonFly

Dear world, getting closure in things is truly a good thing. Being stuck in limbo, rethinking your every word and action is like the 5 th level of hell. If we are going to live in a digital world, customs, kindness and specific values need to be developed. New definition of catfish = imaginary boyfriend, just like when you were a kid and had an imaginary friend.


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## swamptoad

Sincerely, Me.

Oh dear?


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## DragonFly

Dear Life, 

I get it, some times you are great, sometimes not so much. But seriously could you try to be a little more balanced. I’m due for one of those better stretches. 

Sincerely, Me


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## LumpySmile

Hey Douchebag,

You paid your ticket and you took a tour. That sure as hell doesn't make you the expert you think you are. You totally belittle the work I do in your youtube video, and credit Strasburg with MY work? The worst thing is you don't even know you're slapping us in the face with your idiotic prattle. Go back to your toy store. 

PS: The babbling "banter" between you and your wife all through your video is annoying as shit too.


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## Donna

Holy necro-post…I think it’s time to bring back this Dims Forums’ institution. Warning, I've had a bad morning medical-wise, so I'm not feeling very nice right now.

_Dear ‘Other’,

Your lack of self awareness and respect, coupled with obvious manipulative behaviors are distasteful. I beg of you, please get some therapy and please, for the love of all things holy, read a book or have someone educate you on proper lifestyle behavior. You are embarrassing yourself and the community.

Please, get a clue and stop the pity party. 

Acrimoniously, 
-Frustrated _


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## Donna

Dear Focus,

Please come back to me. I promise not to abuse you this time. I have so many unfinished manuscripts that need to be cleaned up and edited, and two story ideas with partially written scenes that need to be written. If you come back, I promise to feed you rich vanilla ice cream with pineapple and coconut topping. 

'Kay, thanks, bye!
ADHDonna


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## Donna

Dear Shutterstock,

I typed "fat woman", BBW, and curvy in your search engine for you to give me five pages of Drag Queens? If I wanted Drag Queens, I would ask for them. I want REAL fat women images. We exist. Do better, dammit.

Sign Me,
Sad & Frustrated


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## Dromond

Dear Bipolar disorder,

Get bent.

Insincerely,
Dazed and Confused


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