# Meeting an FA....



## Shala (Nov 3, 2006)

I just posted in the "Single Confessions" thread about how I'd never met or dated an FA(or heard the term for that matter until I came here) and it got me thinking. Since I've been visiting this site, I've noticed that most of the girls around here have dated an FA before. I was surprised. I mean I've met men who might click with my personality but are not particularly attracted to my body. Its just never happened to me. 

How is it that ya'll are meeting? By chance?


----------



## MisticalMisty (Nov 3, 2006)

Shala said:


> I just posted in the "Single Confessions" thread about how I'd never met or dated an FA(or heard the term for that matter until I came here) and it got me thinking. Since I've been visiting this site, I've noticed that most of the girls around here have dated an FA before. I was surprised. I mean I've met men who might click with my personality but are not particularly attracted to my body. Its just never happened to me.
> 
> How is it that ya'll are meeting? By chance?


I'm a member of every single bbw personal site out there. I actually met my first fa by chance. I got a random email on yahoo one day because I had a quote on my profile that said "If you don't like fat girls, kiss my ass and have a nice day" The guy said that he for one liked fat girls and everything blossomed from there.

Don't ask me for advice though..lol..I've been single for awhile, so finding an FA as been hard..but I think if you find a bbw club in your area..attend some functions..look into the vegas bash and get yourself submerged in the community you may indeed find someone


----------



## SamanthaNY (Nov 3, 2006)

> How is it that ya'll are meeting? By chance?



Chat! I met my husband there, as well as several very good friends. Dimensions chat has several marriages (and, I think... even one or two babies) to it's credit. I think the boards here might even be responsible for a few relationships too :smitten: 

I had a similar story to yours, Shala. I never knew a thing about this community until I found Dimensions... the fact that FAs even existed just _blew my mind_ at the time. But after hanging out here a while, I knew I'd finally found out what that ugly duckling story is all about! My only regret is that I didn't find this information when I was about 15 years old. 

Brace yourself... you're in for a wild ride! And your life will never be the same (that's a good thing  )


----------



## Ivy (Nov 3, 2006)

bbwdatefinder.com is where i met my fatty lovin' be oh oh. but i've met quite a few on here and even one at a candy shop.. go figure.


----------



## GoddessNoir (Nov 4, 2006)

Most guys I've dated I've met just being outside, going to work, etc. Just walk around and be cute, you're sure to bump into someone who digs you.


----------



## FAinPA (Nov 5, 2006)

What GoddessNoir mentions "Just walk around and be cute" ---couldn't be said better. A BBW that is confident in her sexiness...talk about melting. :smitten:


----------



## saturdayasusual (Nov 5, 2006)

I met my guy right here on the boards.  

Confidence is key, BBW or not.


----------



## BBWDREAMLOVER (Nov 5, 2006)

Shala said:


> I just posted in the "Single Confessions" thread about how I'd never met or dated an FA(or heard the term for that matter until I came here) and it got me thinking. Since I've been visiting this site, I've noticed that most of the girls around here have dated an FA before. I was surprised. I mean I've met men who might click with my personality but are not particularly attracted to my body. Its just never happened to me.
> 
> How is it that ya'll are meeting? By chance?


I just had to comment on this..........I didn't know what a FA was till I found this site either. As the years went on and the more FA's I met I realized that the men in my past before Dimensions.......a large percentage of them had FA ways I nor they had a name for it though. I remember how my ex {the guy I was with 12 yrs} loved how thick I was, loved my hips, my booty, my belly just loved my thickness. I always thought he was just being nice because at the time I never thought FAs exsisted. My sons father A TOTAL FA!! I had no clue........So what I'm trying to say is before you think you may have never met one.............think back, long & hard.......think of what they said, how they said it..........you just might of met one, dated one, knew one. They can be shy to and throw out little inuendos that at the time just go over your head.


----------



## tink977 (Nov 6, 2006)

I agree with Shala. I am her sister and we do have contact with "mostly" the same people......we have never met an FA.


----------



## SamanthaNY (Nov 6, 2006)

I would suggest: Look for a good man _first_, FA second.


----------



## BigCutieSasha (Nov 6, 2006)

Ivy said:


> bbwdatefinder.com is where i met my fatty lovin' be oh oh. but i've met quite a few on here and even one at a candy shop.. go figure.



I had some good sucess with that site. Its actually how Jay and I got back into contact so many years after high school. I think any fat friendly site will have plenty of FA's. But even if they dont say antying about being an FA, you have probably met a lot more of them than you think. I was once told by an FA that 1 out of every 10 guys is an FA, weither they know the term FA or not.


----------



## Shala (Nov 7, 2006)

SamanthaNY said:


> I would suggest: Look for a good man _first_, FA second.


That goes without saying. I'm just amazed at what I've discovered here....this whole world of size acceptance. I've spent yearsalternating between trying to hide or minimize the affect of my size to men or just plain hide behind it completely. This site actually makes me want to show it off! I came here and learned something.......I'm damn sexy! Lol.


----------



## chubscout (Nov 10, 2006)

SamanthaNY said:


> I would suggest: Look for a good man _first_, FA second.



I think you need both to have a successful relationship. Which comes first is irrelevant, although typically it is the physical attraction that gets two people togther where they can decide if they have a good personality fit. Of course there are the idealists who will tell you that physical attraction isn't necessary


----------



## Shala (Nov 10, 2006)

chubscout said:


> I think you need both to have a successful relationship. Which comes first is irrelevant, although typically it is the physical attraction that gets two people togther where they can decide if they have a good personality fit. Of course there are the idealists who will tell you that physical attraction isn't necessary


I think you are correct on needing both. The question is...how much does personality count in physical attraction? When I think back on men I have been attracted to, they are so incredibly different that I have to think their personality played a major role in my physical attraction to them. People often say they have a "type" they are physically attracted to at first. That's not the case for me. I can't seem to pinpont the physicality that was common to them that attracted me originally. And as I spoke about on these boards before, being very tall, I always thought I'd never go for a guy shorter than me. Then I met a man that made me melt...and he is four inches shorter. So how do I explain that attraction?

Also, being fat my entire life, I made the assumption early on that fat did not equal attraction for the opposite sex. I automatically assumed that if a guy was attracted to me(which alone used to be difficult for me to accept in the past and still is), it had to be for some aspect of my personality. Thank God I'm learning that isn't the case now. 

I'm known by my family and friends for my strong confidence. I have it in every aspect of my life EXCEPT when it comes to men. I am working past that now(I just wish I hadn't waited until I was in my 30's to try to make that change). But it brings me to another question....I still struggle with believing that a man can be attracted to my body. For all of you who have had this problem, what made realize that's not the case? 

Gosh...that was long. I don't want to bore ya'll.:blink:


----------



## Fuzzy Necromancer (Nov 10, 2006)

I think a big part of meeting an FA is sniffing one of us out. A lot of time, they walk among "normal" people, but you don't notice us. This is partially because social convetions discourage randomly voicing you're sexual leanings to strangers and acquaintances "HI, I'M STEVE AND I LIKE FAT CHICKS!" is a phrase you are unlikely to hear uttered in casual conversation, and partially due to the fact that our spinarettes are in a place we don't like to expose in public.

For me at least, the stares are the giveaway. While working at the library, I noticed a particularly large, big-bellied girl of a similar age group whose shirt kept riding up exposing a bit of tummy. She was constantly adjusting it, but she would lift it up a little in the process of pulling it down again. I became so engrossed by this spectacle that I intentionally walked into a rack of books, knocking myself down and spilling the volumes for reshelving in my arms.

It's usually not as obvious as that of course, but when guys seem to look at you, particularly when you have some pudge showing or are eating or fidgeting with your stomach, it's a good sign. I suppose the hardest part is distinguishing stares of arousal and attraction from disapproving ones, especially if you have the kind of low-grade paranoia brought on by weak self-esteem. Also, it might be that most other FAs have learned not to be such offensive gawkers. >>;


----------



## Still a Skye fan (Nov 10, 2006)

Okay, I've been a reference librarian for almost 13 years...you'd be amazed how many FA "moments" I've had.  

There aren't very many male librarians or male clerks & pages, so I get to see a great many beautiful babes each day.

Regrettably, the ones I work with have boyfriends and I'm not keen on starting relationships with co-workers anyway.

Now, if only I could manage to bait a trap and snag one of these lovely ladies someday...~sigh!~



Dennis


----------



## Ernest Nagel (Nov 11, 2006)

_"Also, being fat my entire life, I made the assumption early on that fat did not equal attraction for the opposite sex. I automatically assumed that if a guy was attracted to me(which alone used to be difficult for me to accept in the past and still is), it had to be for some aspect of my personality. Thank God I'm learning that isn't the case now."_

Shala,

I think for the more evolved among us there is an inextricable need for balance. I've dated some gorgeous SSBBW who were utterly intolerable human beings. Conversely I've enjoyed the sweet radiance of ladies whose size was far below my preference but whose companyy and conversation held my thrall. In the wisdom of age I've chosen not to settle. I want a SSBBW with a mind and soul as extraordinary as her body. A sweet face is a plus, too. In any case I recommend you find someone capable of appreciating you comprehensively; as both lover, friend and partner. NEVER settle for less! 

Unless of course you just REALLY need to get your ya-yas off for a bit. Simply carnal attraction can be satisfying, or at least satiating, for about 60-90 days, IMHO.


----------



## ExpandingHorizons (Nov 11, 2006)

I found my girl thru her best friend. I met her on the video phone when her best friend introduced her to me and that's how we ended up together.


----------



## moonvine (Nov 11, 2006)

Shala said:


> I think you are correct on needing both. The question is...how much does personality count in physical attraction? When I think back on men I have been attracted to, they are so incredibly different that I have to think their personality played a major role in my physical attraction to them. People often say they have a "type" they are physically attracted to at first. That's not the case for me. I can't seem to pinpont the physicality that was common to them that attracted me originally. And as I spoke about on these boards before, being very tall, I always thought I'd never go for a guy shorter than me. Then I met a man that made me melt...and he is four inches shorter. So how do I explain that attraction?



I think it is more common for men to have a "type" than it is for women. If you watch your male friends and who they date, it often becomes obvious quickly. 

Personality counts a lot for me, but not so much for some others. It depends on the person.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Nov 11, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> "If you don't like fat girls, kiss my ass and have a nice day"



That right there is why I love Misty!!! I've gotta spread my rep round before giving it to you again but consider yourself repped for that comment...even if it's only in my heart. 

***

Anyway, Shala I understand what you are saying 100%. I didn't know what a BBW was until I got my computer in 2001! A few years later a friend became fed-up with my lack of social life and went guy surfing for me. She introduced me to my first FA. Through him I learned about Dimensions. He told me there were fat women out there proud of there bodies and proved it by showing me the Dims chat room. Well, the relationship with my FA didn't last but my relationship with Dims grew and grew lol. Through chat I met friends and formed bonds. Through the boards I learned about meetings and gathering. Within one year I've changed so much from a self-sheltered overly shy woman to someone trying to put herself out there to meet new people. I'm not saying you are shy or anything but I understand how just putting yourself "out there" can be overwhelming. Am I making sense?

My best piece of advice would be to make friends. Going to BBW dances and parties is tough to do on your own. If you find a friend willing to go with you it makes it so much easier and much more fun (Thanks, BigSexy920!!!!). Trust me you'll have some very interesting experiences but most of all you'll meet some wonderful people. 

Good luck


----------



## chubscout (Nov 11, 2006)

Shala said:


> I think you are correct on needing both. The question is...how much does personality count in physical attraction? When I think back on men I have been attracted to, they are so incredibly different that I have to think their personality played a major role in my physical attraction to them. People often say they have a "type" they are physically attracted to at first. That's not the case for me. I can't seem to pinpont the physicality that was common to them that attracted me originally. And as I spoke about on these boards before, being very tall, I always thought I'd never go for a guy shorter than me. Then I met a man that made me melt...and he is four inches shorter. So how do I explain that attraction?
> 
> Also, being fat my entire life, I made the assumption early on that fat did not equal attraction for the opposite sex. I automatically assumed that if a guy was attracted to me(which alone used to be difficult for me to accept in the past and still is), it had to be for some aspect of my personality. Thank God I'm learning that isn't the case now.
> 
> ...



Not boring at all. Actually a great post. I agree that the personality, which affects how a person carries oneself, dresses, etc., has a lot to do with a "physical attraction". And it isn't generally so simple that someone has a "type" that they are physically attracted to above all others. Most, I think, have several types that they would be equally attracted to all other things being equal. I know that is the case for me. I am not so sure whether there are more men than women with very narrow physical attraction preferences, but it seems in general men are much more driven by physical attraction (or are the women just less willing to admit it?)


----------



## RedVelvet (Jun 6, 2007)

chubscout said:


> I am not so sure whether there are more men than women with very narrow physical attraction preferences, but it seems in general men are much more driven by physical attraction (or are the women just less willing to admit it?)




I think women are less willing to admit it. I like my men gorgeous, thanks. Tho my definition of gorgeous runs from the typical (think Billy Campbell)....to the possibly non traditional... (think Gary Sinise...).......I need to find them very pretty/sexy indeed.


And at the risk of sounding just..........awful as a human being.... I sometimes get hit on by men who......well.....I'm wondering what they are thinking....tho I do admire anyone who feels good enough about themselves to approach a stranger. Balls, dude!...love it.

........I think men, in general, think themselves very attractive, while women, in general..think they are less attractive then they actually are.

Now....honestly..for the men...I think thats a good thing. I wish women were more like men in that way.......Whats the harm in assuming you are attractive regardless?

Nothing, I say, dammit.


----------



## Emma (Jun 6, 2007)

With the exeption of one guy I've met EVERY guy I've dated since I was 17 at largefriends.com. The only other one I dated was one I knew from (the now defunced) fatnats.co.uk. And he annoyed me for about 4 years and we chatted on and off (more off coz i didn't like him AT ALL) for ages, then one night we were both tipsey and ended up chatting shit to each other and it carried on from there. (all ended bad in the end though hahah) But yeah largefriends.com.. it does cost though now. Didn't back then.


----------



## krystalltuerme (Jun 6, 2007)

Fuzzy Necromancer hit it square on the head. We hide sometimes! On the flip side, I think us FA's are pretty good at figuring out who other FA's are. Perhaps if you have a friend who you know is an FA (even if he's attached, unavailable, etc), you might ask him if he knows anyone. I have three or four friends who have never flat out told me that they are FA's, but I've looked at the girls they've dated and they certainly seem to run to a pattern. It's pretty funny actually, because one guy dates exclusively pears, while the other has a propensity for apples.


----------



## elle camino (Jun 7, 2007)

i'd also like to meet a unicorn and a leprechaun, but...y'know.
reality intervenes.


----------



## djewell (Jun 7, 2007)

Maybe you don't want to meet an FA. Maybe who you want to meet is a man who will love you and take care of you and worship you. FA's are generally like the general population in terms of percentage assholes. So I hope you don't make the assumption that FA who likes my body = great guy.


----------



## Shala (Jun 7, 2007)

One of my old threads getting a second life.....awesome. I actually think this was the first thread I ever started here.

Still haven't met an FA.....but I am hoping.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 9, 2007)

all these people saying "good man first, FA second"...really, shoot high. go for the FA. there's different schools of thought on this, but i always say that a partner who's eager to ravage you because your body is just what he likes is better than an all-accepting (yawn) partner who's not shallow. i just see more passion in preferences. obviously you want a good man and not a prick or someone who only wants you for the sex. but i don't think you have any reason to settle physically either.


----------



## Rowan (Jun 10, 2007)

The one who just dumped me saw me cuz of my modeling..he's the first FA i ever dated...

all the singles sites...it's just icky old men who try to get with me...no thank you...

so once you find the way to get an FA...let me know  lol


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 10, 2007)

Rowan said:


> The one who just dumped me saw me cuz of my modeling..he's the first FA i ever dated...
> 
> all the singles sites...it's just icky old men who try to get with me...no thank you...
> 
> so once you find the way to get an FA...let me know  lol



it always shocks me that so many beautiful women on this site, including the out-and-out sex symbols and models, have trouble finding dudes. like, i know there's tons upon tons of creepy lurkers here to wade through but idk. search the members list one by one for males, pm them to see if they're single and not creepy? i'm way too methodical with this kind of stuff. but i also think as a feeder; there's like a hundred male feeders for every female feedee, so she's got quite a lot to pick from. with fas and bbws it's more even, but i don't know. has anyone ever done a census on dimensions with a ratio of bbws to fas? i'm pretty sure there's more bhms than ffas. maybe we could also do a census of how many single people there are here to takens? i don't know what all this information could do but maybe the results would make people more optimistic.


----------



## Ruby Ripples (Jun 10, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> it always shocks me that so many beautiful women on this site, including the out-and-out sex symbols and models, have trouble finding dudes. like, i know there's tons upon tons of creepy lurkers here to wade through but idk. search the members list one by one for males, pm them to see if they're single and not creepy? i'm way too methodical with this kind of stuff. but i also think as a feeder; there's like a hundred male feeders for every female feedee, so she's got quite a lot to pick from. with fas and bbws it's more even, but i don't know. has anyone ever done a census on dimensions with a ratio of bbws to fas? i'm pretty sure there's more bhms than ffas. maybe we could also do a census of how many single people there are here to takens? i don't know what all this information could do but maybe the results would make people more optimistic.



With regard to just one point you make here, Id bet yes there are many more bhms here than FFAs. However, many many more women in real life are willing to date fat men, than men in real life are willing to date fat women. I think women are physically more accepting than men that way, and more importantly dont care what their friends think nearly so much in this regard. 
Im a foodee but have a definite interest in feeding and I cannot find a guy who would like to do some feeding with me. So Im certainly not picking and choosing.


----------



## fatgirl33 (Jun 10, 2007)

I think meeting the right person is just darn hard, regardless of preferences, sexuality, etc. Sometimes I consider it a marvel that I've found my soulmate at all, let alone the relationships I'd been through prior to that. I also wondered - for years! - when was I ever going to find someone? It turned out when I finally decided, "OKay, I've had enough, I'm not looking anymore," that I met my (future) sweetie. So my advice is kinda weird: Stop trying and maybe it'll happen!  

A friend of mine is extremely shy and complains that she never gets asked out - part of the problem (but I don't feel comfortable telling her this) is that she needs to give people the opportunity. She doesn't get involved in activities or go out enough to meet many people. The more people you know the greater your chances of finding someone is what I'm saying, I guess.

Lots of people have good luck with online dating, a few friends of ours have been married thanks to the Internet. I've never tried it, and the idea of it makes me nervous just because a bad date would have set me back even further, but it's a great new resource for lots of folks.

Best of luck! I believe there are FAs (both men and women) lurking about everywhere.

Brenda


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 11, 2007)

Ruby Ripples said:


> With regard to just one point you make here, Id bet yes there are many more bhms here than FFAs. However, many many more women in real life are willing to date fat men, than men in real life are willing to date fat women. I think women are physically more accepting than men that way, and more importantly dont care what their friends think nearly so much in this regard.
> Im a foodee but have a definite interest in feeding and I cannot find a guy who would like to do some feeding with me. So Im certainly not picking and choosing.



see that's always so weird to me. i always theorized it like this: bbws maybe have kind of a hard time on the whole, finding an fa. fas probably have an easier time finding a bbw, because i think by nature men are mostly more (i know i'm generalizing and risking a beating) forward and bbws, especially ones in real life who aren't aware of a culture surrounding their body type, might be more eager to bask in the attention. but if it turned out one of our bbws was a feedee, they'd have a major advantage because there's so many feeders around, and most of those guys aren't going to have the balls to like, convert an outside girl, or if they do, succeed. the advantage goes back and forth. but that's shot cuz there you go. beautiful, well-known presence in the community looking for the hardly rare feeder, and still nada.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 11, 2007)

Ruby Ripples said:


> With regard to just one point you make here, Id bet yes there are many more bhms here than FFAs. However, many many more women in real life are willing to date fat men, than men in real life are willing to date fat women. I think women are physically more accepting than men that way, and more importantly dont care what their friends think nearly so much in this regard.
> Im a foodee but have a definite interest in feeding and I cannot find a guy who would like to do some feeding with me. So Im certainly not picking and choosing.



also, i totally agree with you on women being more physically accepting than men and caring what their friends think, but the problem with "closet fa-dom" is that it's mostly in the guy's head. i've talked to people whose parents were really cruel and oppressive in that respect but those are few. most guys with sensible friends get some teasing until the friends are used to it and it's done. the three people i thought were going to be the biggest assholes to me, my two best male friends, one of whom wrote a college paper on how the obese are draining america's economy (satirical but grounded in a mild level of hatred) and my dad (who thinks nigella lawson's a "whale") were completely cool and for the most part shut their mouths without me having to say something. one kid i planned on being friends with laughed his ass off right in front of me and needless to say, that got smoked. but none of that was strong enough to make me wish i kept it in. you can't be afraid to be yourself in public, especially if you live in a place in the world where you know you don't risk physically violent or politically oppressive consequences for being what you are. that's why whenever i hear people worry about coming out as an fa, part of me gets kind of angry, like do they know how good they have it that they're not, like, gay and iran or something. plus the bbws who they'd theoretically be chasing do not have a choice in public. we almost owe it to the people who can't be what they are to be what we can as hard as possible. man that was a long-ass tangent speech. sorry it's like 9:44 in the morning what the fuck.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 11, 2007)

fatgirl33 said:


> I think meeting the right person is just darn hard, regardless of preferences, sexuality, etc. Sometimes I consider it a marvel that I've found my soulmate at all, let alone the relationships I'd been through prior to that. I also wondered - for years! - when was I ever going to find someone? It turned out when I finally decided, "OKay, I've had enough, I'm not looking anymore," that I met my (future) sweetie. So my advice is kinda weird: Stop trying and maybe it'll happen!
> 
> A friend of mine is extremely shy and complains that she never gets asked out - part of the problem (but I don't feel comfortable telling her this) is that she needs to give people the opportunity. She doesn't get involved in activities or go out enough to meet many people. The more people you know the greater your chances of finding someone is what I'm saying, I guess.
> 
> ...



you know what's nice though? you don't have to find a person who's like A+. you can find an A, and hopefully by one's standards an A means intelligent enough to recognize when they fuck up or something and actually learn from it. qualities like that, like the two people in a relationship changing a little bit to suit each other just to quash the tiny drawbacks, that's soul mate activity


----------



## tink977 (Jun 13, 2007)

Ok, Shala, let me say a few words on the subject (even though I know you already know my thoughts). Singles sites....they get you no where. You may actually find a cute boy on there. Unfortunately, his name may be Jason and he may stand you up three or four times and then blame the whole mess on you. And since he is the only FA I have had any contact with...well, I am a bit biased on the subject. But, I do beleive that you should never count anyone out...FA or not. Get to know people, put yourself out there and let them know you and well, that is where you find it. You are a realy, really great girl. I know!!! I spend most of my time with you and the greatest guy will come along one day and find you!


----------



## Tooz (Jun 13, 2007)

SamanthaNY said:


> I would suggest: Look for a good man _first_, FA second.


 
You know, it's easy to say this, but I've TRIED that. It did NOT go well. After my last relationship, I decided to refuse to date non-FAs. Seriously, if you have any hangups about your body, it will not go smoothly. I was sick of having guys need a period to get used to my body and learn to love it. 

No one needs that. No one. 

I never look for a boyfriend, though. In fact, mine now met me by chance sorta. Here, actually. We just started conversing at a few months ago, and things just progressed. He is the first FA I've had an actual relationship with, and comparing it to all the non-FAs...well, there's no contest. Of course, he happens to be a good man, preferences aside, though, so I guess I lucked out. Anyway, don't kill yourself looking. It might take some time, but I really think these things come to people.


----------



## Ruby Ripples (Jun 13, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> also, i totally agree with you on women being more physically accepting than men and caring what their friends think, but the problem with "closet fa-dom" is that it's mostly in the guy's head. i've talked to people whose parents were really cruel and oppressive in that respect but those are few. most guys with sensible friends get some teasing until the friends are used to it and it's done. the three people i thought were going to be the biggest assholes to me, my two best male friends, one of whom wrote a college paper on how the obese are draining america's economy (satirical but grounded in a mild level of hatred) and my dad (who thinks nigella lawson's a "whale") were completely cool and for the most part shut their mouths without me having to say something. one kid i planned on being friends with laughed his ass off right in front of me and needless to say, that got smoked. but none of that was strong enough to make me wish i kept it in. you can't be afraid to be yourself in public, especially if you live in a place in the world where you know you don't risk physically violent or politically oppressive consequences for being what you are. that's why whenever i hear people worry about coming out as an fa, part of me gets kind of angry, like do they know how good they have it that they're not, like, gay and iran or something. plus the bbws who they'd theoretically be chasing do not have a choice in public. we almost owe it to the people who can't be what they are to be what we can as hard as possible. man that was a long-ass tangent speech. sorry it's like 9:44 in the morning what the fuck.



I for one thoroughly enjoyed it! Nigella a whale, sheesh some folk will never learn! I absolutely agree with everything you've said here. I also get pissed at the "woe is me, woe is me, I love fat women and its such a shame for me, HOW can I tell people", when I LIVE being a fat woman. Do these guys not understand that them saying to me that they can't come out the closet is them saying to my face that they are ashamed of liking me? As you said, us as bbws/ssbbws can't be in the closet, we show ourselves and deal with it every day in life. I have a great pal online, he is like 19 yrs old and never batted an eyelid at coming out to his parents aged 14, and telling anyone else. Result - NO hassles from anyone, and one very happy, contented, ssbbbw-dating young man. I told him about a guy I'd heard of that sometimes did "seminar" type things for FA's... support things... cause it's hard being an FA you know  My friend found this hilarious and still jokes to me about his angst at NOT having angst at being an FA  I'm sure it's when guys act ashamed of their preference that they get teased. Yes sure there are some situations where maybe family or friends react more badly, but then... what kind of ignorant, closed-minded people are they? And as you say, you find out who your true friends are.. as in many situations in life they often don't turn out to be those you would think. I don't know if it's true, and I know that different cultures prefer different body shapes, but.. I was told that in western culture, one in ten men are FAs. Well I have found three FAs in Scotland. Out of 2.5 million men. There are NO bbw clubs or even club nights or anything here. The reason being there is such a macho old fashioned culture here and men would rather die Im sure than admit to their pals they are FAs. I stopped chatting in yahoo rooms a couple of years back because I was sick of constantly being asked by Scottish men if Id like to "go for a drive with them". ie. they pick me up at my place, take me somewhere deserted.. then you know what.. No invite to take me on a date or anything. They want the fat, but they want it in secret. They REALLY thought I'd be delighted and jump at the chance because well... I'm fat, so I must be desperate. When I gave them an earful, I usually got abuse back, called a fat cow and told I should be grateful. These are manly, macho men.... a$$holes. 

Sooo... to kinda work my way back to the original thread subject, I have only (as a ssbbw, wasnt always this size) met men to date since I've had the internet, the past couple of years. It has been lovely and my first date with a real FA guy was wonderful. When I caught him eyeing me up I was SO tickled! Shallow thing maybe, but when one is ignored normally in everyday life, or rudely pushed past, its GOOD to be appreciated in that way! I am perfectly happy with my body shape, it was always others who were not, so it's a good feeling to be accepted for WHAT I am physically as well as for who I am. We had emailed for a while before meeting, so had got to know each other first. 

We know also that online there are a lot of weirdos and idiots, but let's face it, they're right there IRL too. And I believe getting to know someone online for a few weeks before meeting for a drink somewhere is much safer than just accepting drinks from some random guy in a pub. Hooray again for the internet! I don't think anyone should discount dating sites. Again you get idiots there, but no more than IRL. There are many genuine guys looking for their dream girl there, just as there are women looking for Mr Right. Or even Mr Right Now. 

At my size, I don't really believe a non-FA would want to date me. Yes, attraction to the mind, blah blah, but at the end of the day, we have an underlying preference and Im not just plump, Im very fat, very different to a slim body. However, if I WAS invited on dates by non-FAs, I wouldn't be interested. Because... after years of men "putting up with" my body, I can now have a man go "WOW!", and clearly really like and enjoy it. Before any "you MUST love me for my wonderful mind first and deep meaningful signature line, liberated vaginas" (of either sex) butt in here, this is AS WELL AS, admiring my mind, having lots in common, etc. Although if I just wanted to have sex because I was hot for someone and vice versa, FINE! Why shouldn't we have that, the whole package. To be brought flowers and a box of luxury chocolates on a date, then catch the man sneaking glimpses of me eating them.. is rather hot and it's great fun, as well as very freeing. To have a man offer to bring the car to me, so I don't have to walk far because my back is niggling, is lovely. Having a man laugh while he fans me when I get hot, is very cute. It's all the *extra* stuff a FA brings to a relationship or even a date, that swings it for me. I'll stick with FAs now and the Internet. Both have opened my eyes to so much. 



Now thats MY ramble lol.


----------



## TCUBOB (Jun 13, 2007)

I'm pretty sure I don't qualify as an FA, since I have not dated exclusively fat women and it is not the first thing that I look for in a partner. However, I would say that I try to treat a woman nice, to do the little things that many people overlook (flowers, small tokens, find out what she likes/dislikes, etc.) and also try to remember my manners and treat a woman with the respect and dignity that she deserves regardless of her size, appearance or anything else.

If I were a woman (and if you saw those pics of me in drag you know just how much of a disaster THAT would be), I think that I would take Sam's advice here. Because you can be treated lousy by anyone, even an FA.

I guess I'm self-promoting here, but I've had so many woman who said that they loved me as a friend because I was kind to them....which makes me wonder, what, do I have to be an asshole to get taken seriously as a potential suitor?



SamanthaNY said:


> I would suggest: Look for a good man _first_, FA second.


----------



## alienlanes (Jun 13, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> the problem with "closet fa-dom" is that it's mostly in the guy's head. i've talked to people whose parents were really cruel and oppressive in that respect but those are few. most guys with sensible friends get some teasing until the friends are used to it and it's done.
> 
> [...]
> 
> you can't be afraid to be yourself in public, especially if you live in a place in the world where you know you don't risk physically violent or politically oppressive consequences for being what you are. that's why whenever i hear people worry about coming out as an fa, part of me gets kind of angry, like do they know how good they have it that they're not, like, gay and iran or something.



Yeah, emphatically agreed. All of my "what will people think?" worries turned out to be just my own projections.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 13, 2007)

Ruby Ripples said:


> I for one thoroughly enjoyed it! Nigella a whale, sheesh some folk will never learn! I absolutely agree with everything you've said here. I also get pissed at the "woe is me, woe is me, I love fat women and its such a shame for me, HOW can I tell people", when I LIVE being a fat woman. Do these guys not understand that them saying to me that they can't come out the closet is them saying to my face that they are ashamed of liking me? As you said, us as bbws/ssbbws can't be in the closet, we show ourselves and deal with it every day in life. I have a great pal online, he is like 19 yrs old and never batted an eyelid at coming out to his parents aged 14, and telling anyone else. Result - NO hassles from anyone, and one very happy, contented, ssbbbw-dating young man. I told him about a guy I'd heard of that sometimes did "seminar" type things for FA's... support things... cause it's hard being an FA you know  My friend found this hilarious and still jokes to me about his angst at NOT having angst at being an FA  I'm sure it's when guys act ashamed of their preference that they get teased. Yes sure there are some situations where maybe family or friends react more badly, but then... what kind of ignorant, closed-minded people are they? And as you say, you find out who your true friends are.. as in many situations in life they often don't turn out to be those you would think. I don't know if it's true, and I know that different cultures prefer different body shapes, but.. I was told that in western culture, one in ten men are FAs. Well I have found three FAs in Scotland. Out of 2.5 million men. There are NO bbw clubs or even club nights or anything here. The reason being there is such a macho old fashioned culture here and men would rather die Im sure than admit to their pals they are FAs. I stopped chatting in yahoo rooms a couple of years back because I was sick of constantly being asked by Scottish men if Id like to "go for a drive with them". ie. they pick me up at my place, take me somewhere deserted.. then you know what.. No invite to take me on a date or anything. They want the fat, but they want it in secret. They REALLY thought I'd be delighted and jump at the chance because well... I'm fat, so I must be desperate. When I gave them an earful, I usually got abuse back, called a fat cow and told I should be grateful. These are manly, macho men.... a$$holes.
> 
> Sooo... to kinda work my way back to the original thread subject, I have only (as a ssbbw, wasnt always this size) met men to date since I've had the internet, the past couple of years. It has been lovely and my first date with a real FA guy was wonderful. When I caught him eyeing me up I was SO tickled! Shallow thing maybe, but when one is ignored normally in everyday life, or rudely pushed past, its GOOD to be appreciated in that way! I am perfectly happy with my body shape, it was always others who were not, so it's a good feeling to be accepted for WHAT I am physically as well as for who I am. We had emailed for a while before meeting, so had got to know each other first.
> 
> ...




haha, I love it! About that seminar...I mean, a support group isn't a bad idea. FAs shouldn't be such pussies but seminars and stuff might help them to not be. I'm sorry to hear about your previous abusive FA experiences but hopefully here you won't repeat them. And "liberated vagina" should be your new user title.


----------



## alienlanes (Jun 13, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> haha, I love it! About that seminar...I mean, a support group isn't a bad idea. FAs shouldn't be such pussies but seminars and stuff might help them to not be.



Yeah, as I've posted in other threads, I think closeted FAs deserve sympathetic help from other FAs. (But *not* "acceptance" from BBWs... they *need* to get their shit together before they can expect women to want to date them.) 

In a perfect world, every FA would be totally confident in his sexuality from the moment he hit puberty. I've got mad respect for guys like Ruby's friend who were strong enough to be so self-accepting at such a young age. But in real life a lot of young FAs _do_ have issues with having a "weird" preference, just like they would if they had any other sexual kink.

They need to man up and learn to deal with who they are without being a jerk to the women they want to date, and ultimately that kind of change has to come from within, but knowing that other guys have gone through the same experiences can be a big help. I don't know if this is still true now that Kids These Days have teh interwebs, but when I was a young teenager I was sure I was a horrible sicko because I was the only person in the world who had the fantasies that I did.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 13, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> Yeah, as I've posted in other threads, I think closeted FAs deserve sympathetic help from other FAs. (But *not* "acceptance" from BBWs... they *need* to get their shit together before they can expect women to want to date them.)
> 
> In a perfect world, every FA would be totally confident in his sexuality from the moment he hit puberty. I've got mad respect for guys like Ruby's friend who were strong enough to be so self-accepting at such a young age. But in real life a lot of young FAs _do_ have issues with having a "weird" preference, just like they would if they had any other sexual kink.
> 
> They need to man up and learn to deal with who they are without being a jerk to the women they want to date, and ultimately that kind of change has to come from within, but knowing that other guys have gone through the same experiences can be a big help. I don't know if this is still true now that Kids These Days have teh interwebs, but when I was a young teenager I was sure I was a horrible sicko because I was the only person in the world who had the fantasies that I did.



people just have to remember: it's not you who has the problem, it's other people who have a problem with what you are. let them deal with it.


----------



## RedVelvet (Jun 13, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> people just have to remember: it's not you who has the problem, it's other people who have a problem with what you are. let them deal with it.




Unless you like to screw goats. Then its you.

Its all you.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 14, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> Unless you like to screw goats. Then its you.
> 
> Its all you.



oh yeah, but who's the goat gonna tell? that's right. all mine.


----------



## vcrgrrl (Dec 28, 2007)

On another thread someone mentioned plentyoffish.com. I've been getting some emails from there, but I have yet to talk to anyone that I would like to meet. I like it because it is completely free.


----------



## katybug (Dec 30, 2007)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> I suppose the hardest part is distinguishing stares of arousal and attraction from disapproving ones, especially if you have the kind of low-grade paranoia brought on by weak self-esteem. >>;



When I read this...I had a flash back to about a year ago (before I knew the world of Dims existed). I used to be in a constant state of "low-grade paranoia brought on by weak self-esteem" whenever I went out in public. Constantly afraid everyone was looking at me and laughing or judging. Which I seriously doubt they actually were, but anyway, my point is that I'm so glad I don't think that way anymore. 

Much thanks to all of you that post on the boards and led me to the light!!


----------



## sweet&fat (Dec 30, 2007)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> She was constantly adjusting it, but she would lift it up a little in the process of pulling it down again. I became so engrossed by this spectacle that I intentionally walked into a rack of books, knocking myself down and spilling the volumes for reshelving in my arms.



First of all, this is the most adorable thing I've ever heard. The fact that it takes place in a library makes it just that much cuter! If it had been me, you would have easily gotten my number. 




MisticalMisty said:


> I'm a member of every single bbw personal site out there. I actually met my first fa by chance. I got a random email on yahoo one day because I had a quote on my profile that said "If you don't like fat girls, kiss my ass and have a nice day" The guy said that he for one liked fat girls and everything blossomed from there.



I only learned about FAs a few months ago and at first it was absolutely invigorating. However, with reflection, I have found that many of the FAs I have met (including the ones who I knew years ago but didn't know were FAs) were indeed worshipful of my body and beauty, but essentially treated me as the walking fulfillment of their fantasies. Because that was so strong, it eclipsed all other facets of getting to know someone/dating or even anything that I wanted. I've been burned by that more than once. Made me feel like a plaything, which was great at first but ultimately turned out very poorly. It hurts. 

My current strategy is looking on non-BBW sites but being very frank about the fact that I'm essentially looking for an FA. I'm hoping to find someone who is mostly looking for a relationship and just so happens to adore fat women. And is smart. And kind. And actually has a job.


----------



## Fuzzy Necromancer (Dec 30, 2007)

Sweet&Fat: Well, I did get her phone number, but the actual date didn't go to well, and it turned out she hadn't wanted to give out her phone number. Her friends had given me the phone number in an effort to "find her a man".


----------

