# Perfection Frustration



## Sidewinder (Jun 8, 2012)

Hi folks, 

Im looking for a bit of guidance here, recently estranged from a long long relationship with a petite girl that didnt meet my needs physically I'm looking to settle down with the right girl.

Im a handsome successful guy, im open and caring, and fun to be with.

However I have a problem, no girl is ever good enough, and its driving me crazy, I keep meeting these beautiful voluptuous ladies, with fabulous minds, and beautiful bodies, but my years and years of fantasising about the perfect BBW has programmed me to reject a girl if she doesn't look like the perfect BBW, not too big, not too small, very big bust, very round ass, very pretty face. 

On paper this all seems completely irrational, Im sure ive dated girls that could have made me really happy if i could have overcome these images in my minds eye, and I fear this pattern is going to lead to lonliness but i just cannot overcome the thoughts, if she doesnt look like my fantasy everything goes to pot.

Does anyone else suffer from this? How do i overcome it?

Any help much appreciated


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## IrishBard (Jun 8, 2012)

there really are no easy ways to get used to it, mate. It's unfortunately the case that the "Perfect girl" for a lot of people just doesn't exist. It's hard when you have spent so long fantasising about a "the one" to accept anyone else, really, and I get that. Sometimes you go on auto-pilot, and it's hurtful for both you and the people around you. 

However, it's the way it goes, and things may surprise you. Fantasising about perfection is only based on what you know and what you have experienced, and with each new relationship adds to that experience. The idea of perfection may seem like it's set in stone, but it's ultimately as malleable as any other concept. 

When I approach a girl I don't have a set idea of what "perfection" is, but instead I look for certain qualities. Whilst some are set in stone, others are more flexible, and so I'd happily consider a girl under 150lbs on the table as long as I'm having a good time with her, we held similar beliefs and she was up for it. 

Ultimately, I can't advise you any more than to just go out there and have fun, because that'll give you new perspectives on life and who your "Perfect girl" really is.


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 8, 2012)

I would say try experimenting with girls that are close to your ideal, and slowly work your way down. List all the traits you find make the ideal girl, and if you are able, list them in order based on importance. Then search around. Ideally this should go for personality traits as well, as they can sometimes transcend the physical. 

You have the ultimately decide how far you want to go. I don't imply that this is easy though.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jun 8, 2012)

Jon Blaze said:


> Ideally this should go for personality traits as well, as they can sometimes transcend the physical.



I agree. In your post, you seem to be strongly fixated on physical appearance. If you're truly looking for someone to settle down with, remember that youth and beauty are fleeting. In twenty years, she won't look the same, and neither will you.

As Thomas Moore put it:

"It is not while beauty and and youth are thine own,
And thy cheek undismayed by a tear,
That the fervor and faith of a soul can be known,
Which with time shall but make thee more dear.
Yes, the heart that has truly loved never forgets,
But as truly loves on to the close,
As the sunflower turns on her god as he sets
The same look that she gave when he rose."


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## CastingPearls (Jun 9, 2012)

There is a theory that sometimes an individual seeks out flaws in others subconsciously, while desiring perfection, because they themselves do not feel 'good enough' and therefore sabotage their own happiness.

EDT: I'm a bit surprised that I saw Abraham Hicks in your 'likes' while you're struggling with this issue. Universal abundance is always expanding but it's still up to us to accept that and believe that we will receive what we believe which goes back to the 'not good enough' theory above. Like attracts like. Be the person you want to attract and you'll find the partner who loves and fulfills you.


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## Sidewinder (Jun 9, 2012)

Thanks for your really thoughtful replies, Casting Pearls; I think you could be right about my own feelings of not being good enough sabotaging relationships, I think that is likely at the core of the problem.

I need to just let myself go and enjoy the moment rather than thinking the grass is greener over there. I just need to commit to the next one that is nearly right, and get through the pain barrier, otherwise I will likely never experience real, unconditional love. I'm nowhere near perfect after all, I seem to forget that!


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## gythaogg (Jun 10, 2012)

Sidewinder said:


> Thanks for your really thoughtful replies, Casting Pearls; I think you could be right about my own feelings of not being good enough sabotaging relationships, I think that is likely at the core of the problem.
> 
> I need to just let myself go and enjoy the moment rather than thinking the grass is greener over there. I just need to commit to the next one that is nearly right, and get through the pain barrier, otherwise I will likely never experience real, unconditional love. I'm nowhere near perfect after all, I seem to forget that!



Something I've been reading a lot lately that might help you: the grass is greenest where it's watered. Obviously in a barren landscape (or with someone you're very unattracted to physically) that won't work, but the most satisfying emotional and physical relationships are the ones you invest in deeply and tend to, not the (nonexistent) ones where you find total physical/grass perfection.


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## ClashCityRocker (Jun 13, 2012)

i used to suffer from that. i've found that serious examination of self is pretty vital to getting past it..by recognizing personal flaws the concept of "perfection" appears increasingly superficial and it's easier to move around and be you..and i'm pretty confident that just being oneself is what attracts the RIGHT one. give me a few more years to get it down pat and i'll tell you if it worked out..hahah

i hope that helped a bit!


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## MrRabbit (Jun 13, 2012)

You know, I am a big fan of big, soft hanging bellies but none of the women I had a relationship with, had one. That was kind of frustrating to me as well, because I had met these wonderful, big women that I was totally crazy about, but they didn't meet that one "criterion" of my physical needs. 

But I discovered that what was much more important than a big hanging belly is that I had to let go of some of my built-in inhibitions to loving a partner's fat bits and just indulge in all the soft places of my partner. Once I was with a partner with whom I was comfortable enough to really indulge and touch, grab, kneed and caress her fat bits to mine (and her) liking, sex just got so much better and I didn't need this perfect belly anymore. Of course, sometimes I am still longing to how it would be to hold such belly, but it is no source of frustration anymore. Now I can just enjoy my lovely partner and her not-perfect-but-beautiful body!


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## Cors (Jun 16, 2012)

I agree with what the others said re: letting go if your standards are unreasonable. 

It could also well be that you haven't met someone who is right for you, with whom everything just feels so natural and wonderful that you probably won't even notice or care that she is not 100% your physical ideal. When you are in love, she becomes everything you want.


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## Gordo Mejor (Jul 17, 2012)

Sidewinder said:


> How do i overcome it?
> 
> Any help much appreciated



It's easy. If you find Ms. Perfect, she's probably looking for Mr. Perfect and you won't measure up.


As others have said, you need to examine yourself. Look for compatibility not standards. When I met my ex wife, the first thing I noticed was that I could learn something from her, her knowledge of birds was amazing. While a BBW, her body was not my idea of perfection. But we did find a lot of things that we enjoyed talking about which led to a 20 year conversation.

You have to be flexible, she will open you up a lot and show you parts of yourself you never knew.

Find someone you can root for in life.


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