# am I weird



## Horsemen (Dec 1, 2015)

I don't find the popular culture view of what is sexy.... sexy. I like bigger girls.... I love wide hips... especially with narrow shoulders. I love big thighs. I geuss you would say pear shaped women. Something about them drives me nuts. Am I weird or does that secretly turn on most guys.


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## mediaboy (Dec 1, 2015)

You're weird.


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## StrugglingWriter (Dec 2, 2015)

He's right. You're weird. Embrace it! There's a girl out there who looks like that who'd love to be accepted and admired.


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## choudhury (Dec 2, 2015)

It is not a mainstream preference.

However, it's also a preference that has always been part of the human sexual experience, is much more accepted in some cultures, and has millions of people who share it even in our own culture. So you're not alone.

I agree that it's a drag to find oneself outside the norm on these things. But as problems go, it's a minor one. Indeed, the real burden is borne by BBWs and SSBBWs, who all too often internalize self-loathing as a result of society's somewhat arbitrary 'standards' of beauty. Just pursue your preference and enjoy it.


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## Sunshine_Fette (Dec 2, 2015)

choudhury said:


> It is not a mainstream preference.
> 
> However, it's also a preference that has always been part of the human sexual experience, is much more accepted in some cultures, and has millions of people who share it even in our own culture. So you're not alone.
> 
> I agree that it's a drag to find oneself outside the norm on these things. But as problems go, it's a minor one. Indeed, the real burden is borne by BBWs and SSBBWs, who all too often internalize self-loathing as a result of society's somewhat arbitrary 'standards' of beauty. Just pursue your preference and enjoy it.



This is the best response!


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## swamptoad (Dec 2, 2015)

Yes you're weird. But so is the rest of the world.  Don't always believe what the television, media, social networks, and so on want you to think. We're all imperfect after all. And that's a good thing.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Dec 2, 2015)

choudhury said:


> I agree that it's a drag to find oneself outside the norm on these things.



It has its compensations, though: it's easier to meet the women you're most interested in when the other guys are all drooling over someone else.


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## Luv Gaining Ladies (Dec 3, 2015)

I watch the rest of the world drool over Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson, etc. I just think, "Meh." They don't do a thing for me. Give me a beautiful woman with thick curves - or hell, a fatass woman with lots of thickness on her. Star Jones at nearly any weight - now that's what I'm talking about.

I saw Pitch Perfect (and its much better sequel) with my wife. It's full of skinny, perky women - obvious eye candy. Needless to say, the only one I watched at all was Rebel Wilson. (Bonus points because she's smart, too.)


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## choudhury (Dec 5, 2015)

Luv Gaining Ladies said:


> I watch the rest of the world drool over Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson, etc. I just think, "Meh." They don't do a thing for me. Give me a beautiful woman with thick curves - or hell, a fatass woman with lots of thickness on her. Star Jones at nearly any weight - now that's what I'm talking about.
> 
> I saw Pitch Perfect (and its much better sequel) with my wife. It's full of skinny, perky women - obvious eye candy. Needless to say, the only one I watched at all was Rebel Wilson. (Bonus points because she's smart, too.)



It's always bugged me that normal guys swim in a media sea of women they rate as hot and sexy; FAs hardly ever see anyone in film or TV or magazines that they would rate that way. I remember when January Jones's character on Mad Men started 'gaining weight' via a fat suit - it was the first time that I actually noticed what a total knockout she is! Before that I'd basically been oblivious. :doh:


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## GoodDaySir (Dec 5, 2015)

choudhury said:


> It's always bugged me that normal guys swim in a media sea of women they rate as hot and sexy; FAs hardly ever see anyone in film or TV or magazines that they would rate that way. I remember when January Jones's character on Mad Men started 'gaining weight' via a fat suit - it was the first time that I actually noticed what a total knockout she is! Before that I'd basically been oblivious. :doh:



It bugs me that you refer to non-FAs as "normal guys"


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## Blockierer (Dec 6, 2015)

Horsemen said:


> I don't find the popular culture view of what is sexy.... sexy. I like bigger girls.... I love wide hips... especially with narrow shoulders. I love big thighs. I geuss you would say pear shaped women. Something about them drives me nuts. Am I weird or does that secretly turn on most guys.


Liking bigger girls is an addiction. There are currently no approved therapies available. One effective way to reduce withdrawal symptoms is dating a fat girl.


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## choudhury (Dec 7, 2015)

GoodDaySir said:


> It bugs me that you refer to non-FAs as "normal guys"



OK, amend that to "guys with mainstream preferences." Even better would be "normalized preferences."


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## Luv Gaining Ladies (Dec 9, 2015)

choudhury said:


> It's always bugged me that normal guys swim in a media sea of women they rate as hot and sexy; FAs hardly ever see anyone in film or TV or magazines that they would rate that way. I remember when January Jones's character on Mad Men started 'gaining weight' via a fat suit - it was the first time that I actually noticed what a total knockout she is! Before that I'd basically been oblivious. :doh:



I'll let the "normal guys" thing slide since I willingly admit I'm anything but normal, but for me, it's the fact that those skinny women are crammed down our throats as what is factually sexy while any women we like are dismissed as ugly and those who like them are looked down upon.

I once commented to a fellow law student that I found Star Jones attractive, and she pretty much stopped short of calling me a weirdo through her nose.


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## choudhury (Dec 9, 2015)

Luv Gaining Ladies said:


> I'll let the "normal guys" thing slide since I willingly admit I'm anything but normal, but for me, it's the fact that those skinny women are crammed down our throats as what is factually sexy while any women we like are dismissed as ugly and those who like them are looked down upon.
> 
> I once commented to a fellow law student that I found Star Jones attractive, and she pretty much stopped short of calling me a weirdo through her nose.



Right. There's an imposed homogeneity out there; better put, a _hegemonic_ conception of what's 'sexy.' But it must be nice to be non-FA and see stunning sexiness splashed all over TV and movies, non-stop. In the pre-internet world, which I'm sad to say I'm old enough to remember, even FA erotica was hard to find.

My first gf called me weird - not in a joking way, either - when I told her I was attracted to her body as it was because I liked her type of build. I found that response humiliating, and it made me pretty gun-shy to be vocal about my preferences thereafter, unfortunately (not that I ever let it discourage me from dating BBWs, not at all).


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## landshark (Dec 12, 2015)

choudhury said:


> I agree that it's a drag to find oneself outside the norm on these things. But as problems go, it's a minor one. *Indeed, the real burden is borne by BBWs and SSBBWs, who all too often internalize self-loathing as a result of society's somewhat arbitrary 'standards' of beauty. *Just pursue your preference and enjoy it.



This seems pretty true as near as I can figure. There are exceptions and I dated a couple. A confident woman is a beautiful thing, and really noteworthy if she's a confident BBW. It seemed a lot of the BBWs I dated had their defenses up. They'd been the victims of someone just trying to "bang a fat chick" then move on or the object of someone's fetish. It took some serious patience and communication skills to break through those defenses and in some cases I never did. Which is fine because it all led me to the woman I'm married to today. But it hasn't been without its frustrations.

Regarding my wife, I've realized there will never be the level of self-appreciation that I wish she'd have until she brings herself down to a weight level she feels more comfortable in. There are two take-aways with this realization: 1) It's my cross to bear as an FA with a BBW wife. Being married to this woman is an absolute privilege but it doesn't come without emotional issues stemming from weight and this is something I have to accept and 2) It's vital to support her when she embarks on her weight loss efforts again. She did well and dropped over 120 pounds at one point. Then one thing after another derailed her and she gained a lot of that back. As of now she's in a "why bother" state of mind until after the New Year, but I know she wants to hit it hard again in January. And when she does it'll be time to put my own preferences aside and embrace what's important to her. It does her no good to lose weight and for me to say stuff like, "I'm happy for you but I liked you better fat." Nope. I have to sincerely get on board with her and I will.


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## TwoSwords (Jan 28, 2017)

Horsemen said:


> I don't find the popular culture view of what is sexy.... sexy. I like bigger girls.... I love wide hips... especially with narrow shoulders. I love big thighs. I geuss you would say pear shaped women. Something about them drives me nuts. Am I weird or does that secretly turn on most guys.



Depends what you mean by "weird." If by "weird," you mean "not like 50+% of people, the answer is "yes." If, on the other hand, you mean it in a negative context, the answer is "no." There's nothing wrong with feeling that way.

As an aside, I've closed my eyes during TV shows from time to time myself, and actually found myself more able to sympathize with the characters, so there you go.


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## Tracii (Aug 25, 2017)

swamptoad said:


> Yes you're weird. But so is the rest of the world.  Don't always believe what the television, media, social networks, and so on want you to think. We're all imperfect after all. And that's a good thing.



Mr Toad you are so right.
I don't follow anyone I take my own path.
Pay no attention to 99.5 of stupid people on Face book.
Not on instagram, twitter,reddit or linkedin.
Those sites are a waste of time and full of idiots with not enough sense to blow their nose.

OH and Horsemen you are very weird LOL


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## quantumbits (Dec 17, 2017)

Horsemen said:


> I don't find the popular culture view of what is sexy.... sexy. I like bigger girls.... I love wide hips... especially with narrow shoulders. I love big thighs. I geuss you would say pear shaped women. Something about them drives me nuts. Am I weird or does that secretly turn on most guys.


It's fiarly damn common. Anybody denying it here is throwing up smoke. My estimate is 40% guys are like this, in that they prefer *fatter* hour glass shapes, maybe up to 50%. One of the reasons there's so much stigma is because of feminism. It's all about control. Whenever they find the opportunity, they'll blame men.

The hour glass preference is extremely common. Liking ass and tits is also extremely common.

A study was done on this. They found stressed men preferred and broadened their range of attraction to include bigger woman. How did the study produce stress? With tests. This effect applied to all the men. There're probably some innate differences between men, making some prefer smaller or bigger. This doesn't replace or remove the effect, it's cumulative.

Sorry dimensionsmagazine. It's time to let the cat out of the bag.

*Why Stressed-Out Men Prefer Heavier Women*
http://healthland.time.com/2012/08/09/why-stressed-out-men-prefer-heavier-women/
*
Psychological Stress Causes Men to Prefer Heavier Women*
http://www.medicaldaily.com/psychological-stress-causes-men-prefer-heavier-women-241803

*Figures reveal that given the choice, most men will plump for a curvy girl*
http://www.theage.com.au/news/natio...or-a-curvy-girl/2008/04/05/1207249548553.html


> Professor Marika Tiggemann from Flinders University said that the results supported academic research on the topic. "We find women want to be thinner than what men find attractive," she said. "Men's idea of what is 'thin' is larger than that of women. Unfortunately, a lot of people think being thin demonstrates being in control or being disciplined, while being fat is a sign you're weak."


The hourglass shape preference isn't about weight, but it exists too. Below.

*Hourglass Figures Affect Men's Brains Like a Drug*
https://www.livescience.com/9834-hourglass-figures-affect-men-brains-drug.html

*Congenitally Blind Men Prefer the Female Hourglass Figure (Literally)*
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...-prefer-the-female-hourglass-figure-literally

The FA movement. We appear to have a wider range of sexual attraction...
*
Some Men Prefer Fat Women*
https://www.livescience.com/3518-men-prefer-fat-women.htm

Lastly I said earlier feminism is corralling men like sheep. Well, truth is, men and woman are (metaphorically) divorcing and going their own way. Below is one of hte possible consequences.

*Best Female Figure Not an Hourglass*
https://www.livescience.com/3098-female-figure-hourglass.html

Essentially woman need Androgens to compete in todays world. This is moving fat away from the hips to their stomach. This better enables them to deal with stress and compete. On the other hand, hour-glass shapes tend to belong to healthier, fertile woman. These differences might not be as important anymore because of medical technology. For example, woman with narrower pelvises can safely have babies now because of c-section and other methods. There're also infertility treatments for woman who have trouble conceiving. And more intensive diet regimes can limit fat from going to the abdomen, thus reducing prediabetic concerns (especially) for these woman with less pronounce hourglass figures. (Because remember more fat would otherwise go there and more of it's visceral--just like with men.)

Lastly, some woman do care what men think.
*
Women's Body Image Relies On Men's Opinion, Study Finds*
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2015/01/15/women-body-image-men-opinion_n_6479194.html

Woman consistently believe men desire less fat than men actually report in studies. This ratio is similar to when men misjudge how much woman desire their muscle or genitals.
*
Do Men Find Very Skinny Women Attractive? *
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...1202/do-men-find-very-skinny-women-attractive

And lastly, *Men, Who Needs Them?*
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/25/opinion/men-who-needs-them.html?_r=0


> When I explained this to a female colleague and asked her if she thought that there was yet anything irreplaceable about men, she answered, “They’re entertaining."
> 
> Gentlemen, let’s hope that’s enough.


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## quantumbits (Dec 20, 2017)

To continue my post above, I'm going to offer an opinion about FA's. I think the exact opposite of the MFA (male fat admirer) is the FSA (female skinny admirer). The FSA doesn't like lots of muscle on a man. Because it's opposite, it's equivalent to a MFA who doesn't like too much skinny on a woman. And just like how a woman strongly identifies with the very thin body type, men usually strongly identify with the muscular male body type. So just as how a woman would feel uncomfortable being told to keep her weight because a guy likes it, a guy will feel uncomfortable being told to stay skinny and NOT weight lift because a lady likes it that way. A guy has a built-in need to be tall/strong/confident and similar, so when a woman desires the opposite it goes against his nature. It's against the average woman's nature to be fat.

In simpler terms, it looks something like this (a lot of assumptions here, I know):
Female--on average--desires to be skinny.
Male--on average--desires to be muscular.
Male desires in female what female doesn't--to be LESS skinny.
Female desires in male what male doesn't--to be LESS muscular.

The idea behind this pursuit is to mirror the same disagreements average females have with men admiring their fat, but in men. It has to be something average men disagree with. It has to behave similarly. I chose muscle in this example. I might have chosen something else, like height, but i chose muscle. There's plenty of evidence woman desire tall men, but short men? And if a woman did like short men, would a short man really disagree with it, or would he welcome it and ruin my attempt to mirror woman? I'll leave that for another discussion.

Not all of this is based on studies or empirical evidence. I do think it's loosely based on pieces of evidence:
1) Testosterone increases muscle mass and has bad fat distribution and metabolising
2) Estrogen increases body fat percentage and fat metabolising and has better distribution of fat
3) Woman gain weight during pregnancy to support development and nursing a baby
4) Woman typically had more babies in the past and spent a lot of time nursing
5) As one or two links in my prior post show, woman overestimate the desire men have for a skinny body and, conversely, men overestimate the desire woman have for a muscular body.
6) Studies show a strong psychological insecurity with woman regarding body image--they almost universally desire the very skinny body type and there's large amounts of stress attached to it
7) Weight had more value in the past in terms of warmth and survivability--this doesn't apply to obesity, this is only reasonable amounts of fat which might be slighlty overweight in modern times

One of the differences between men and woman is whereas testosterone boosts muscle mass and men identify with muscle, it's the opposite with woman. Estrogen boosts fat but woman don't identify with fat. I offer one possible explanation being the shift away from family farms and motherhood towards competition with other men in the market place. As one of the links above shows, this is favoring the narrow hips and more Androgens. This MIGHT influence some of the dislike for the natural hourglass shape of a healthy fertile woman. BECAUSE the hourglass shape is part of history. And history is disliked. It's hated because ti's associated with motherhood and being inferior to men.

Would YOU want to be associated with something which represented subservience and inferiority? Most woman and men are being taught extreme motherhood and family farms represent history. A smooth progression from 18th to 19th to 20th century in North America saw woman gain increasing rights and competitiveness in the marketplace. At first, woman couldn't own property, sue or do much else. In the 19th century, she had to be single to do most things, and even then opportunities were limited. In the 20th century, teh doors were increasingly opened, and today, woman have more freedom than they've ever had. AS they gained this new position, they're looking back on the past with disdain.

The hourglass figure and estrogen are being associated with all of that history. It's being scorned psychologically. Woman take on this burden with large amounts of insecurity about their body.

There's no way out of this "trap," if I can call it that. Because history DOES have bad things. However, it may help some woman if GOOD depictions of some history is shown. For example, some woman had lives free from extreme abuse or inferiority. It they can be shown convincingly those woman were genuinely happy with their lives then some woman today will open their mind to more possibilities. I don't think this will make hte problem go away. Some woman don't have much other choice, so maybe this works for them. For the rest, I can only think our society will want to relieve the stress by limiting the amount of things will trigger it. And find ways to keep people productive.

_EDIT: I'm assuming MFA (male fat admirer) means a male who admires fat females. I'm sorry if I'm incorrect. And regarding females who like fat men or males who like muscular woman, I don't know exactly how that fits into all this yet. Maybe MFA can also be MMA (male muscle admirer). This means a male who likes a muscular woman. And maybe a FSA (female skinny admirer) can be equivalent to FFA (female fat admirer).

I have to assume what the female wants in hte male doesn't coincide with his average wishes. If a woman, on average, desires to be very skinny, then I assume that to mean she doesn't want to be fat or muscular. And if a man, on average, desires to be muscular, he doesn't want to be fat or skinny.

Truth be told I don't know yet. But I'm getting confident about the rest I wrote in my post._


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## TwoSwords (Dec 20, 2017)

quantumbits said:


> There's no way out of this "trap," if I can call it that. Because history DOES have bad things. However, it may help some woman if GOOD depictions of some history is shown. For example, some woman had lives free from extreme abuse or inferiority. It they can be shown convincingly those woman were genuinely happy with their lives then some woman today will open their mind to more possibilities. I don't think this will make hte problem go away. Some woman don't have much other choice, so maybe this works for them. For the rest, I can only think our society will want to relieve the stress by limiting the amount of things will trigger it. And find ways to keep people productive.



We don't have much to argue about, but while there were bad things about the past, there are also a whole lot of bad things today; many of them more directly caused by people. I think, in general, our history is not something to treat with horror (provided we're talking real history, rather than the revisionist history most are familiar with,) but that many, many things about history were good, and worth preserving, and that those things haven't been preserved, because of this kind of "emotional association" thinking, like throwing away long skirts and vests because they're "associated" with a time when slavery was legal in the US.

No one alive today can honestly claim to remember those times, or to have any emotional revulsion at the way things were done back then, due to bad experiences when slavery was still legal. Likewise, certain things being "associated" with stuff that happened in the 18th century is no reason why we shouldn't have them now. I certainly agree that positive depictions of past times might help to reduce these problems, but that won't happen yet, for two main reasons.

1. The people of at least the last 60 years have put a lot of stock in the notion that their changes and revolutions against the status quo represent some kind of "evolution" or "progression." They can't defend this assumption, as a general rule, without denigrating the people of the past, so that's exactly what they do. It's gotten so bad, that on some issues, just one or two generations is as far back as you need to go, to find people who modern children are being taught to think of as oppressors and prejudiced, backwards people. They go to school, and are taught that their own parents (in some cases) are prejudiced for holding views that, less than a century ago, everyone held; men and women alike. So long as this reviling of the past is used as a salve for the consciences of people advancing degenerate social movements, I can't picture anything changing in this area.

2. There's a lot more egotism now than there used to be, and it's much more prominent and even recognized, and prideful people are much less likely to accept that someone else could ever do anything better than they can. For this reason, praising any time period other than our own is often seen as an insult to modern man, which is dismissed purely on that basis. Until the desire for truth is greater than the desire to coddle one's own ego, I can't picture anything changing in this area either.


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