# Tensions in BHM/FFA relations (similar to BBW/FA?)



## sweet&fat (Dec 15, 2007)

There seems to be considerable tension between BBWs and FAs at dimensions regarding topics such as size, weight gain, etc. I'm wondering if/how this strife plays out between BHMs and FFAs as well? I'm sure there are many shared issues, but I'm curious to hear the similarities/differences in these relationships.


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## Tommy_Oblivion (Dec 16, 2007)

really? strife? really?
i think maybe your making cyanide from lemon juice in the eyes.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 16, 2007)

As a non-BBW FFA who is on the BHM/FFA thread all the time, I can honestly say that there is usually very little tension between the BHMs and FFAs on the board. The only time I ever see anything that comes even close is if a BHM relates his preference for only BBWs or only thin FFAs and then sometimes the women who don't meet his criteria might get a little upset, but it usually goes away quickly. I've never seen any BHM or FFA get extremely offended by anything over on the BHM/FFA thread. Or at least they've never posted about it. I don't really have any theories as to why that is. Maybe some of the BHMs will respond and help you out on that.


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## sweet&fat (Dec 16, 2007)

Tommy_Oblivion said:


> really? strife? really?
> i think maybe your making cyanide from lemon juice in the eyes.



Easy there, tiger. I'm just asking a question.


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## Chimpi (Dec 16, 2007)

Tommy_Oblivion said:


> really? strife? really?
> i think maybe your making cyanide from lemon juice in the eyes.



I think it's a justified question.


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## sweet&fat (Dec 16, 2007)

Chimpi said:


> I think it's a justified question.



Then replace "strife" with whatever word you find appropriate. I'm still just trying to ask a question, not stir bitterness.


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## The Orange Mage (Dec 16, 2007)

I notice a subtle disconnect, but it involves what's NOT being said. I'm not sure if this kind of thing happens on the FFA/BHM side of thing, but here's the issue: *Fat Admirers and the average BBW often have completely different expectations about how a relationship with the other will be.*

Say a BBW bags herself an FA...now, she's a woman who has been "liberated" from the mass media self-loathing indoctrination and such and is pretty confident about herself. She finds one of these "FAs" she's read about and is pretty much expecting someone who is completely like a normal person...except they'll date bigger women.

Now, this FA is thinking, "Awesome, a bigger woman who KNOWS what she's doing and what she wants. She won't whine about her weight all the time, and if things get intimate...:smitten:!" He's expecting this woman to be a BBW goddess...one who loves her body as much as and in the same way he does.

And that's the disconnect. BBWs are looking for FAs who are like normal men and FAs are looking for BBWs who are like FAs.

Now, this isn't a total widespread, happens-to-everyone deal, but I hear stories of it happening on both sides of the coin. I can only assume this happens with FFAs and BHMs as well, though the BHMs I've seen over there seem to be obsessed with their own body as much as the FFAs, which is why I think I see/hear less of this problem over there.


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## charlieversion2 (Dec 16, 2007)

As someone who is in a FFA/ BHM realtionship, and a someone who primarily visits the FFA/ BHM board, the drama is far less than it is on the other areas of the forums.

I would have to say that it has to do with the number of people who visit that part of the board. Less people less drama.

Tho, in private I've express my dissatisfaction at the degradation of the FFA/BHM part of the board.

so what am I trying to say? the level of drama isn't as high. but it's not all roses either.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 16, 2007)

I have noticed that the BHM/FFA board does seem more "laid back" than the rest of the forum. A new BHM joins up, posts some pics, some of the FFAs (or ladies like myself that like many sizes) compliment him and life goes on. One time I saw a thread there about "Where are the skinny FFAs at?" and the thread had many responses/pictures from the FFAs. Didn't seem like a lot of drama occurred over that......maybe because it's understood that it's "okay" for heavier people to prefer a thinner partner? I have seen many BBWs state a preference for thin men here....and then saw a topic about "Aren't BBWs obligated to like fat men?" (can't remember which board that was on though).
I don't recall arguments on the BHM board over whether or not a "true FFA" is better than a woman that likes various sizes of people. 
The BHMs seem a lot like their female counterparts in many aspects... riddled with low self esteem from societal pressures and seeking refuge in this place. What I DON'T notice is too many FFAs on that board saying that they can't date BHMs because they "lack confidence". I don't see the BHMs complaining in thread after thread about the women that prefer them being ashamed of them...or new FFAs going to that board and making a thread telling all the guys she thinks they are sexy but wouldn't date them in reality because it's just too shameful (if this has occurred on that board, I haven't noticed it in my time here). I wonder if that did occur there and the BHMs told her they didn't like that attitude towards them, would the other FFAs, or even some of the BHMs, jump in and say that the BHMs should just shut their bitching and "welcome" the new FFA because this place needs people like her...?

How many threads have been made on that board about "closet FFAs" ?

How many of those guys there have been made to feel that they are essentially nothing more than a mound of fat? How many FFAs approach them demanding weight/measurements before even asking for a name? Or say they have a fantasy of feeding them to death?

I think the point of contention you might be noticing might be the usual issues that men/women have with each other..........some people are insensitive and feel that their sexual needs should come before anything else. In the mix, sometimes you find the nicer people that make a visit to this place worth it.


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## charlieversion2 (Dec 16, 2007)

The Orange Mage said:


> I've seen over there seem to be obsessed with their own body



see: _dissatisfaction at the degradation_ 


Once upon a moon I used to be the same way, and was totally guilty of posting a load of pics, now I'm a reformed man. Keeping it modest and respectful.


*is glad someone else agrees*


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## TallFatSue (Dec 16, 2007)

My husband maintains that he was not an FA when we first met, but I "intrigued" him anyway, and he learned to love my entire package. So we're essentially in a "love me, love my fat" relationship. 

It's mostly a happy tension-free marriage, or as close to as possible between 2 strong-willed and opinionated people. That sparks do fly! But in a good way. :smitten:

As long as he continues to treat me as he would any empress, it's a win-win situation.


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## charlieversion2 (Dec 16, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> How many of those guys there have been made to feel that they are essentially nothing more than a mound of fat? How many FFAs approach them demanding weight/measurements before even asking for a name? Or say they have a fantasy of feeding them to death?



There is a huge Alpha male complex. I try not to take part in the male pissing contest, if I can. I know there are things other guys are better at than me I'll be the first to admit that. I don't see the need to make anyone feel insignificant. 

Someone once asked me why I've taken a back seat and stopped participating in a lot of the threads. That's the reason why.


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## cammy (Dec 16, 2007)

I've abondoned all the other boards and just post on this one. As a non-BBW FFA, I found the posters the other boards to be generally unfriendly towards me - especially the BBWs.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 17, 2007)

After reading some of the posts, some things occurred to me. I think ChrisVersion2's point that this is a small group has a lot to do with things. According to the poll on here, there's less than 50 FFAs on here. Plus some of them are also BBWs. Add to that the fact that some of the thin women on here have admitted to body issues and even eating disorders in some cases and I think you end up with a group of women who are more sensitive to body image issues in general. But who knows what would happen if there were 500 FFAs on here instead. The smallness of the group makes people feel a little closer knit, I think. I imagine all of this makes the women here more careful about what they say and how they say it. I admit that there have been times when I've looked at a BHM's picture and had a thought that in my head was a compliment, but if I had just typed it out, it might have looked bad or been easily misconstrued. Again, I'm not saying all male FAs are insensitive, I just think since there are more of them here than FFAs, you see more of all types. 

And as for Green Eyed Fairy's reference to the infamous feeding to death post, I'm not sure if that was anti-BBW or if it is just a case of feederism taken to the extreme. There is a story in the library that I believe was written by a woman that involves a male feedee and the subject matter is not far off from what was in that post. Again, I know it's a story, but she still would have had to have at least contemplated it to write about it in the first place. So I do think some women feeders must have the same fantasies.


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## sweet&fat (Dec 17, 2007)

cammy said:


> I've abondoned all the other boards and just post on this one. As a non-BBW FFA, I found the posters the other boards to be generally unfriendly towards me - especially the BBWs.



As a BBW, I'm distressed and sorry to hear this. Why do you think they were unfriendly?


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## stefanie (Dec 17, 2007)

ChrisVersion2 said:


> Tho, in private I've express my dissatisfaction at the degradation of the FFA/BHM part of the board.
> 
> so what am I trying to say? the level of drama isn't as high. but it's not all roses either.



Hi, *Chris*: what do you think would make things better?

I always like reading your posts, FWIW.



> *Cammy* writes: I've abondoned all the other boards and just post on this one. As a non-BBW FFA, I found the posters the other boards to be generally unfriendly towards me - especially the BBWs.



I haven't participated that much on the other parts of this site, but what *may* be happening here (just a thought - not trying to impugn anyone in particular) is that women sometimes turn against each other, because of the negative aspects of the culture we live in. It's like, if a thinner woman likes fat men, there's possibly resentment there. After all, she's thin - she can get anyone, right? (Well, no, but because the dominant cultural meme is "Get thin, get sexy!" we have it in our heads like a virus.) So perhaps she's seen as just more competition. 

I'm trying to state this as compassionately as possible, and don't intend to hurt anyone's feelings...


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## k1009 (Dec 17, 2007)

cammy said:


> I've abondoned all the other boards and just post on this one. As a non-BBW FFA, I found the posters the other boards to be generally unfriendly towards me - especially the BBWs.



Really? Seems weird, I mean with this board being so heavily skewed towards FAs you'd think the fat girls would be able to say "oh hey, they're into me anyway, deal!" instead of being mean. On the other hand, maybe it's the chance to be mean to the thin girl inspiring a bit of reverse discrimination. Anyway, sorry to hear you've left the other boards because of that. There is just as much suckage in being hated for being thin as there is for being fat .


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## LoveBHMS (Dec 17, 2007)

ChrisVersion2 said:


> There is a huge Alpha male complex. I try not to take part in the male pissing contest, if I can. I know there are things other guys are better at than me I'll be the first to admit that. I don't see the need to make anyone feel insignificant.
> 
> Someone once asked me why I've taken a back seat and stopped participating in a lot of the threads. That's the reason why.



Some of us like reading your posts and seeing your pics. Very cute, and I especially love the ones with you and Mary.

I don't know if there are different tensions in relationships between BHM/FFA than in BBW/FA. I mean relationships are always going to have complications, right?


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## charlieversion2 (Dec 17, 2007)

stefanie said:


> Hi, *Chris*: what do you think would make things better?
> 
> I always like reading your posts, FWIW.



Personally I just don't engage in things, its a individual choice. It works for me. 

Nice to know people enjoy what I post 




LoveBHMS said:


> Some of us like reading your posts and seeing your pics. Very cute, and I especially love the ones with you and Mary.
> 
> I don't know if there are different tensions in relationships between BHM/FFA than in BBW/FA. I mean relationships are always going to have complications, right?




Thank you, I did enjoy posting pics with us, I'm sure when she reads this she'll be happy to.

Mary and I do have our share of bumps in the road. It's mostly me being an irrational ass, lol. Or so she tells me 

Like I said the drama isn't FFA vs BHM, I think its more BHM vs BHM. This is only what I see and/or experience. To most its normal, I just don't want to participate in it.

Again, this is just my personal opinion, people can and still will do as they wish, I can't fault them, I just don't have to agree.


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## alienlanes (Dec 17, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> How many of those guys there have been made to feel that they are essentially nothing more than a mound of fat? How many FFAs approach them demanding weight/measurements before even asking for a name? Or say they have a fantasy of feeding them to death?



I've wondered about this myself. Correct me if I'm wrong, forum regulars (I'm wading across from the other side of the pond 'cause this seems like an interesting topic), but it seems to me that the BHM/FFA forum doesn't have a contingent of clueless, creepy horndogs skulking around in the way that the main boards do. 

Leaving aside the perennial "closet FAs" debate (which'll hijack the thread if GEF and I get into it ), there's definitely a hard rind of guys in the FA forums who "just don't get it" and probably never will -- the sorts of guys who leave overcomplimentary one-line comments whenever someone mentions weight gain, probably send all kinds of PMs which I'm glad I dont have to read, and generally behave in a creepy, objectifying way.

Why is this kind of behavior less common in the BHM/FFA community? Because FFAs have had to deal with this behavior from "normal," skinny-admiring guys and know how gross it feels to be treated as just a sex object? Or am I wrong in thinking it's less of an issue here?


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## alienlanes (Dec 17, 2007)

ChrisVersion2 said:


> There is a huge Alpha male complex. I try not to take part in the male pissing contest, if I can. I know there are things other guys are better at than me I'll be the first to admit that. I don't see the need to make anyone feel insignificant.
> 
> Someone once asked me why I've taken a back seat and stopped participating in a lot of the threads. That's the reason why.





ChrisVersion2 said:


> Like I said the drama isn't FFA vs BHM, I think its more BHM vs BHM. This is only what I see and/or experience. To most its normal, I just don't want to participate in it.



I'm not trying to dredge up forum drama here, but (as a guy who doesn't normally read the BHM/FFA board) I'm genuinely curious -- are you talking about guys competing with each other in size/weight gain?

Cripes, Y chromosomes will turn _anything_ into a competition !


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 17, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> but it seems to me that the BHM/FFA forum doesn't have a contingent of clueless, creepy horndogs skulking around in the way that the main boards do.



And here I was trying so hard to be a skulking horndog

Seriously, I think SlackerFA makes an excellent point about the fact that as women, the FFAs understand how creepy pickups can sometimes be. I couldn't imagine someone PMing me about my measurements as the very first contact. I think an FFA is more likely to see eye candy as eye candy and if any interest is sparked, they'll probably attempt to know the guy a bit first. Chris and Mary are a good example. 

I also want to thank sweet&fat for putting up a great topic!!! The picture threads are great, but it's nice to discuss other things sometimes


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## alienlanes (Dec 17, 2007)

missaf said:


> As your moderator, I do my best to keep the posts here safe and sane for all, and make sure that the pretenders and fakers and phonies and trolls in check.
> 
> As I understand the posts here, things could be much better.
> 
> ...



I think the gist of this thread is that things _are_ much better here, compared to the other boards, because there's less drama. I don't know whether or not that's true, but I don't think anyone here has complained about the moderation.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 17, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> I think the gist of this thread is that things _are_ much better here, compared to the other boards, because there's less drama. I don't know whether or not that's true, but I don't think anyone here has complained about the moderation.



Agreed. And I think (I don't want to speak for him) that Chris meant that rather than the tension being between the FFAs and the BHMs, there is more of a "competitive" aspect to the BHMs in terms of posting pictures. I don't think he meant that there was any actual disrespect or trolling going on.


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## charlieversion2 (Dec 17, 2007)

<preface>
I would just to like to point out, that I'm not complaining at all. Just stating my personal views. 
</preface>

<start>
There are days when the top 40 or so threads are mostly (50% or more) Photo, Size and WG threads. Theres a lot of fluff and no meat and potatoes.

The FFA and BHM of DIMs have to consolidate all the other areas (such as the Weight gain board and sub-forums... ect) into this one place, b/c I know FFAs and/or BHM don't feel comfortable posting anywhere else b/c its primarily a BBW/ FA community.

I think it's sad that the the majority of the threads are all about me this and me that, and not really about the FFA/ BHM community. It's nice to see them but not all the time.

Or maybe it's me? Which is possible... wouldn't be the first time I thought there was a problem when there really wasn't. I'm just calling it as I personally see it.

I want to see real life people, thoughts ideas and issues. When someone does start a serious thread about health probs people jumped on the person, it just irked me. 

For the record, theres nothing wrong with Pic threads, just try to start other threads not relating to all about you. Again I totally am guilty of this, but I saw what I was contributing to and I changed.

I don't expect people to read what I type and take it to the bank. I'm just trying to bring back what I liked about this board. Just needs a lil TLC.

*rant rant rant* I'm sorry that was so long, I just just expressing my thoughts, not directed at anyone, and I blame myself as well.

It's like Global Warming. It's no ones fault, but it's everyones fault.

</end>


For the record, I would gladly call anyone from here a friend of mine.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 17, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> .... but it seems to me that the BHM/FFA forum doesn't have a contingent of clueless, creepy horndogs skulking around in the way that the main boards do.
> 
> .... there's definitely a hard rind of guys in the FA forums who "just don't get it" and probably never will -- the sorts of guys who leave overcomplimentary one-line comments whenever someone mentions weight gain, probably send all kinds of PMs which I'm glad I dont have to read, and generally behave in a creepy, objectifying way.
> 
> Why is this kind of behavior less common in the BHM/FFA community? Because FFAs have had to deal with this behavior from "normal," skinny-admiring guys and know how gross it feels to be treated as just a sex object? Or am I wrong in thinking it's less of an issue here?



You hit the nail on the head....in a sense that's a BIG part of the problem. The FFAs are WOMEN and hence, think like women. They think with their emotions first (or a I notice a lot of women do- but won't claim ALL) as in they are more sensitive about some things. A lot of the males on the other boards/chat seem to use their second heads to make their decisions for them...and don't give a damn who they offend. Some seem to strictly frequent these boards in search of fap material and have nothing of real substance to contribute unless it's a stray compliment or two- and a lot of those compliments seem reserved for the women willing to show themselves naked or in racier poses. This serves to make the ladies feel dehumanized....and possibly pissed off. Not good in a community that already has a lot of "disillusioned" people in it to begin with, IMO. 

As I stated earlier, not all are like this and that's why so many keep returning...for the "good people". Btw, I'm not the only woman that has stated that I like to come here because I'm impressed with the community of women....

@Cammy - I'm with the couple of others that posted here to you...I'm sorry you feel that way. :bow:


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## Surlysomething (Dec 17, 2007)

I often feel like I don't belong here because it _seems_ this is where the skinny women hang out to find the big guys and the big guys hang out to find the skinny girls.

I'm a BBW who likes BHM and I feel out of place on this board. (THAT'S JUST ME! - don't get your panties/boxers in a knot now) :batting:


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 17, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I often feel like I don't belong here because it _seems_ this is where the skinny women hang out to find the big guys and the big guys hang out to find the skinny girls.
> 
> I'm a BBW who likes BHM and I feel out of place on this board. (THAT'S JUST ME! - don't get your panties/boxers in a knot now) :batting:



Now it's my turn to say, I'm sorry you feel that way.  I agree with GEF that I like the community of women on here as well as the guys. I actually think a lot of the FFAs feel that way.


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## William (Dec 17, 2007)

Hi Surly

Lots of guys here like BBWs and many spend a lot of time over on the BBW Forum.

William




Surlysomething said:


> I often feel like I don't belong here because it _seems_ this is where the skinny women hang out to find the big guys and the big guys hang out to find the skinny girls.
> 
> I'm a BBW who likes BHM and I feel out of place on this board. (THAT'S JUST ME! - don't get your panties/boxers in a knot now) :batting:


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## sweet&fat (Dec 17, 2007)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> I also want to thank sweet&fat for putting up a great topic!!! The picture threads are great, but it's nice to discuss other things sometimes



Thanks. :blush: I find it fascinating that this thread originally got curt and dismissive posts on the main board, but it's getting thoughtful responses here.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 17, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> Thanks. :blush: I find it fascinating that this thread originally got curt and dismissive posts on the main board, but it's getting thoughtful responses here.



Maybe we feel a little more "at home" here on this board about this topic? Just a thought.

Also, Surlysomething, it occurred to me that maybe the reason this seems more "skinny chick" oriented is that a BHM who is also an FA would probably spend more time on the other forums here at Dims, so the thin FFA topics come up more here on the BHM/FFA side of things. 

Man, I'm all over this thread. Must have hit a nerve or something.


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## cammy (Dec 17, 2007)

A lot has been posted since last evening and many of you have made excellent points and observations - including SlackerFa, Dr. P Marshall and Green Eyed Fairy. 

I've found the other boards to be so dominated by BBWs and the men that admire them, that there is no room for an outsider, i.e. a thin FFA. I thought this site was about size acceptance - oops, my mistake, its really about acceptance of the size of the BBWs. Further, many of the posters have been posting for literally years and have almost "clickish" relationships with eachother. 

This board (BHM/FFA) is populated by a more laid back and smaller community, as most of the BHMs who prefer BBWs frequent the other boards where there is a plethoria of BBWs. So, I suppose that does leave this board more open to BHMs who prefer smaller FFAs.


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## Surlysomething (Dec 18, 2007)

cammy said:


> Further, many of the posters have been posting for literally years and have almost "clickish" relationships with eachother.





I think it appears to be "cliquish" when in fact they're just friends or people that have known each other for years on this board.


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## Surlysomething (Dec 18, 2007)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> Also, Surlysomething, it occurred to me that maybe the reason this seems more "skinny chick" oriented is that a BHM who is also an FA would probably spend more time on the other forums here at Dims, so the thin FFA topics come up more here on the BHM/FFA side of things.




I guess i'm just looking for something more "BHM" specific instead of the men who fawn over the BBW's, that gets old. I wish there was a paysite for BHM myself. :blush:


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## Surlysomething (Dec 18, 2007)

cammy said:


> I thought this site was about size acceptance - oops, my mistake, its really about acceptance of the size of the BBWs.



SA - "Size Acceptance" - a civil rights movement started in 1969 when NAAFA, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance was founded. *The size acceptance movement seeks to eliminate discrimination against fat people in all areas of life and generally make life better for people of size.*

I think that many people of size feel..i'm not sure what the term would be...
threatened maybe or have their safe haven "invaded" by thinner woman. I don't think I worded that quite right. I have to admit, i've thought to myself a couple times..."find your own men". Haha. I know it's not what I really mean, people like what they like, it can be a fine line to walk I guess.


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## cute_obese_girl (Dec 18, 2007)

missaf said:


> Oh, I have to agree, things usually are a bit less dramatic here. I think it's the presence of level-headed women and lots and lots of men who are just not prone to drama
> 
> However, I would like to see options and feedback that might constructively build the community to even more than what it is!



First I want to say that I love this board and the fact that it is so easy going. My only suggestions for mild improvement is an "Introduce Yourself Here" sticky thread like the main board has. Some days 20% of the recent first page threads are individuals introducing themselves. I think that's great that more people are coming by, but I do think the plethora of threads bump some discussion threads too early. It may be one of the reasons we don't get a lot of deep discussion going on around here.


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## Obesus (Dec 18, 2007)

I've been around since '99 on the old and new boards alike and there have been some pretty bleak periods, when the board was mostly populated by folks who were either isolated fat men or men trying to gain weight in a sort of social vacuum. There was a kind of golden era around '99-00, when there was more of a balance of women, men and some interesting discussions going on. Then there was a long period when the board was hardly populated at all and it was just a few of us hanging on for dear life...that was the scene at the end of the old boards. The new boards have brought a new wave of women and more balance, but we rarely have any real discussion beyond the eye-candy stage. We have had threads on creativity, on spirituality and other matters that might lend themselves to deeper discussion, but the energy and interest is hard to maintain around those topics. We still have room to grow there...
Now, I definitely agree with another of our Board elders, the honorable William, that this is certainly not just a board where fat men come to find the attention of thin women. That is not true by a long shot. Many of our FFA's have been BBW throughout Board history and many men do go by personality and flair rather than merest physical appearances. I would be one of those and I know that many of our lads dig BBW, fer sure! So, I would certainly enjoy it if this board could develop more of a sense of a peer support amongst the men and more of a community feeling amongst everyone, based on the things that really make life wonderful...our creativity, intelligence and wisdom! Huzzah! :bow:


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## Ninja Glutton (Dec 18, 2007)

ChrisVersion2 said:


> see: _dissatisfaction at the degradation_
> 
> 
> Once upon a moon I used to be the same way, and was totally guilty of posting a load of pics, now I'm a reformed man. Keeping it modest and respectful.
> ...



Man, I respect your opinion, but I feel like you're kind of taking potshots. 

I don't know if most people understand how refreshing it is to have someone actually comment in a positive way about your body. I think that's the main reason people love camwhoring. I agree I've gone a little bit overboard, but it's nice to have someone stroking your ego once in awhile. 

Us fat guys (and gals) take a lot of verbal and emotional abuse in everyday life, and the idea that there's someplace you can feel comfortable about your body and share it with people who appreciate it is a beautiful thing. 

It's something I need on occasion to convince myself I'm not as worthless, unattractive, and undesirable as society/the media would have me believe.

I don't feel degraded or dissatisfied by that at all, and I don't feel like it debases my intellect, personality, or general presence in the least. It's more empowering than anything. 

/rant


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## charlieversion2 (Dec 18, 2007)

cute_obese_girl said:


> My only suggestions for mild improvement is an "Introduce Yourself Here" sticky thread like the main board has. Some days 20% of the recent first page threads are individuals introducing themselves. It may be one of the reasons we don't get a lot of deep discussion going on around here.



I totally Agree, This will help cultivate more meaningful convo.



Obesus said:


> The new boards have brought a new wave of women and more balance, but we rarely have any real discussion beyond the eye-candy stage. We have had threads on creativity, on spirituality and other matters that might lend themselves to deeper discussion, but the energy and interest is hard to maintain around those topics.



Hitting the nail right on the head sir.



rocczilla said:


> Man, I respect your opinion, but I feel like you're kind of taking potshots.
> 
> It's something I need on occasion to convince myself I'm not as worthless, unattractive, and undesirable as society/the media would have me believe.



Like in other parts of this board, they request people to keep one thread for their Photos. I'm not saying you can't post your pics on other threads, just when you are gonna post more pics just keep your own new photos in one thread.

------

It's not my intentions to single anyone out, we all have done it, but now we know how we can make a better community. I'm sure anyone can agree with that or if not agree at least they can understand.


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## Crumbling (Dec 18, 2007)

ChrisVersion2 said:


> <preface>
> 
> 
> I want to see real life people, thoughts ideas and issues. When someone does start a serious thread about health probs people jumped on the person, it just irked me.
> ...




I concur. wholeheartedly.

There are issues beyond how much i weigh or how many rolls of belly fat i have.

With deepest respect, I am more than a jiggly tub-o-lard and there are issues and experiences involved in being me day-to-day, and there are people here who can relate to them. Namely the other BHM.

And these threads (what Chris called the meat and potatoes) are often buried very quickly in the 'I'm new (with pics)' type threads. Or they are hijacked/derailed by persons coming in from other parts of the board with no particular understanding or sensitivity toward the avenues of discussion that are being opened.

There is an entire rest of the forum for Big women and their admirers to discuss their feelings, insight and experience. This is our space to do same and I think a modicum more respect for that would be appreciated at times.

In many respects. This corner of the board is indeed tight knit and largely self moderating and mostly free of drama. Long may it remain so.

So..

I think a sticky 'Welcome wagon' thread might go a long way toward tidying things up generally. As would asking the guys who regularly post pictures to start a single personal picture thread. That way the thread gets a bump when new pics are added. And particular flavours of eye-candy (for those who want it) are easy to find.

As for Guilt, The 'guys in formal wear' thread has been one of the best received in recent months and if some fraction of the lurkers who were encouraged to post there stay around and start to contribute a bit more.. I will hold Chris personally responsible 

S.

p.s.

Anyone who thinks this is a personal assault on themselves their values or their pets. Feel free to stomp about and feel indignant, it's all the same to me. There was an invitation by the moderator to make suggestions and that's all they are.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 18, 2007)

Crumbling said:


> I concur. wholeheartedly.
> 
> There are issues beyond how much i weigh or how many rolls of belly fat i have.
> 
> With deepest respect, I am more than a jiggly tub-o-lard and there are issues and experiences involved in being me day-to-day, and there are people here who can relate to them. Namely the other BHM.



Is that really how the picture threads make you feel? Because as one of the FFAs on the board, I assure you, that is never my intention. I for one love it when topics are discussed on the board. In fact, the reason I joined Dims in the first place was because I saw a thread where the BHMs were explaining to an FFA why her boyfriend had the body issues he did. I was very touched by their posts and it made me see the men I am attracted to in a different light and it also made me see that this was a group of warm and caring people.

I think with the picture threads(from an FFA perspective) what happens is that many of us realize that for some BHM posting pictures is the first step towards a type of self acceptance. And, while the compliments are sincere(and the eye candy appreciated since we don't get to see the men we like represented much in popular culture either), they are also meant as a means of encouragement to the men along the path of self acceptance. I am not a BBW and since this is a size acceptance board, I feel that what I get out of the boards (while important, and I get a lot out of the boards in many ways) is somewhat secondary to what the BHM get out of the boards. This is a place for FFAs, but it is much more of a place for BHMs. That's not a complaint, I feel that is how it should be. I suspect I am not alone in this feeling, since the FFAs seem to somewhat follow the lead of the BHM in terms of topics. For all the hooting and hollering (and I'm very guilty of that) there is a genuine effort made to answer serious discussions with serious answers. 

But I'm truly sorry if our actions have ever made you feel objectified when you didn't want to be. And I for one would love to hear more of what the BHMs have to say about themselves and the topics that interest them.



(and could a certain someone check his email) - sorry to do this publicly


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 18, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I often feel like I don't belong here because it _seems_ this is where the skinny women hang out to find the big guys and the big guys hang out to find the skinny girls.
> 
> I'm a BBW who likes BHM and I feel out of place on this board. (THAT'S JUST ME! - don't get your panties/boxers in a knot now) :batting:



Not just you Surly, I feel the same way.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 18, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> Not just you Surly, I feel the same way.



I'm truly sorry to hear that Lilly. Especially from you because in all honesty I've read many of your posts around Dimensions and I find you in particular to be one of the most interesting and thought provoking women on the boards. (I mean no offense to anyone else, it's just how I feel). And I think if we do get around to having serious discussions on here, that their quality would be enhanced greatly by your participation (and Surlysomething and every other BBW/FFA).


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 18, 2007)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> I'm truly sorry to hear that Lilly. Especially from you because in all honesty I've read many of your posts around Dimensions and I find you in particular to be one of the most interesting and thought provoking women on the boards. (I mean no offense to anyone else, it's just how I feel). And I think if we do get around to having serious discussions on here, that their quality would be enhanced greatly by your participation (and Surlysomething and every other BBW/FFA).



Wow. :blush: Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm not complaining really. I was just offering my voice for Surly so that she's not standing in the middle of the room by herself. Things are what they are and there's no blame to be laid anywhere. I know there are folks here who like all types or prefer BBW's because I know them from elsewhere on the board. The perception is that this is a very cozy community and while I do a lot of chest beating all over the other forums I tend to come in and out here quietly and give Reps under the table. (Nothing says 'safe haven' like creepy lurking cougar Repping your pics from out of the sky.  ) 

Speaking only for myself I'm always delighted to see FFA's participating in other forum discussions. I'd love to see it more often but perception can be a very powerful monster. When you sense that a community has become a safe haven for those who have very little elsewhere you tend to be very aware of it and want to respect the space. There's a tendency to be much more sensitive when you make a post and no one pounces on it with rousing support or someone strongly disagrees with you. You feel even more like an outsider than you did at the onset. People tend to toss the word 'clique' around a lot which is an ugly word, I don't believe in them. I do have a fond respect for camaraderie though and feel an urge to keep my germs to myself when it's firmly in place. Maybe not such a good thing I suppose.


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## cammy (Dec 18, 2007)

This QUOTE from LillyBBBW didn't work quite right
[/QUOTE]Speaking only for myself I'm always delighted to see FFA's participating in other forum discussions. I'd love to see it more often but perception can be a very powerful monster. When you sense that a community has become a safe haven for those who have very little elsewhere you tend to be very aware of it and want to respect the space. There's a tendency to be much more sensitive when you make a post and no one pounces on it with rousing support or someone strongly disagrees with you. You feel even more like an outsider than you did at the onset. People tend to toss the word 'clique' around a lot which is an ugly word, I don't believe in them. I do have a fond respect for camaraderie though and feel an urge to keep my germs to myself when it's firmly in place. Maybe not such a good thing I suppose.[/QUOTE]



Several months ago when I first joined, I posted what I believed was a well-thoughout meaningful response in a discussion on relationship issues and I subsequently received a private message from the board's moderator telling me not to post on that board again, as I was of the wrong profile. 

I would welcome participating in more in-depth discussions on this board, but perhaps this board maintains its lightness because it has been more about the men taking the lead in a manner which is not wolfish in nature and the women are not promoting themselves through their pay-sites. This board just seems a bit more gentle.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 18, 2007)

cammy said:


> LillyBBBW said:
> 
> 
> > Speaking only for myself I'm always delighted to see FFA's participating in other forum discussions. I'd love to see it more often but perception can be a very powerful monster. When you sense that a community has become a safe haven for those who have very little elsewhere you tend to be very aware of it and want to respect the space. There's a tendency to be much more sensitive when you make a post and no one pounces on it with rousing support or someone strongly disagrees with you. You feel even more like an outsider than you did at the onset. People tend to toss the word 'clique' around a lot which is an ugly word, I don't believe in them. I do have a fond respect for camaraderie though and feel an urge to keep my germs to myself when it's firmly in place. Maybe not such a good thing I suppose.
> ...



Wow. I had no idea. I'm sorry you were approached that way cammy. For me that is distressing. There seems to be a lot of confusion as to who is welcome to post what on which board. I've heard stories of people posting weight gain related posts here and having them moved to the weight board and yet you're being told your presence isn't welcomed there?  Seems marginalizing to me. I don't blame you at all for feeling as you do. It seems no one is fully aware of all that is going on and what is permissable. Maybe Missaf can shed some light on how it all works?


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## Crumbling (Dec 18, 2007)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> But I'm truly sorry if our actions have ever made you feel objectified when you didn't want to be. And I for one would love to hear more of what the BHMs have to say about themselves and the topics that interest them.



There is nothing to apologise for. More power to them. etc etc.
I have no particular axe to grind with regards to picture threads.
Beyond thier uncontrolled proliferation.

My gripe is more organisational than anything else. 

Everything BHM related is stuffed into this one space. Sometimes forcibly. Even when it was posted in a relevant place elsewhere. And sometimes it gets a bit cramped.

I personally see no reason why Posts about Guys gaining are or should be moved here from the gaining board... Or why a post on health problems should be moved here from the Health board.
But that's a whole other argument which has been gone over under and around countless times.

S.


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## Tad (Dec 18, 2007)

What belongs on which board has always been an issue here, ever since Dani added a Weight Board back before the boards moved from BBWQT to Dimensions. As the number of boards has multiplied, Im not sure that it has ever become clearer overall.

For example, if I read an article online talking about (making this up here) some family doctors dont want to accept patients over 300 pounds because their equipment is not safety rated above that level, where would I post that? It could go on the health board, since it related to doctors. It could go on the main board, because it is a general size acceptance issue. I might want to discuss how that could be an issue for gainers, how their doctor might want to cut them off suddenly, and that might belong on the weight board. I might just decide to rant about it in the clubhouse for some reason. 

The one place I probably would not post it, unless I cross posted, was the BHM/FFA board. But on the other hand, if there are BHM who only come here, it might be interesting information for them. You could go through a similar process with a discussion of, say, the inflation of clothing sizes in North America, or the availability of seat-belt extenders.

Which raises the question, is this board supposed to be a compilation of all the others, for BHM and FFA? Or is this board just for those things that dont have any other home?

We know that, at least as currently determined by moderator policy, it is not totally the former: weight gain related posts get moved to the weight boards. And I think some specifically health related posts have been moved to the health board (not certain, but I think Ive seen that). 

On the other hand, if it is the latter, what is left is really pictures, singles flirting with each other, arguments about whether BHM have it as bad as BBW, discussions of how to recognize an FFA, and the occasional issue which specifically affects BHM but does not affect BBW. I dont think that is really what most people want eitherthat is, it seems that there is some desire here for a little more ongoing substance than just that. 

I really dont know exactly where the balance lies. These days I seldom post on this board because my sense is that it has drifted towards the latter situation, and Im not posting pics, Im not single, Im bored of the who has it worse argument, I have no idea of how to recognize an FFA, which pretty much just leaves the occasional BHM specific issues, of which there have been few.

I do understand that a lot of the BHM and some of the FFA (especially thinner ones) dont feel comfortable on the rest of the boards, and Im glad that therefore there is a place for them here. But it seems to me that sometimes there is a sort of OK, we have a clubhouse, now what do we do with it? feel on here.

Regards;

-Ed


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## Surlysomething (Dec 18, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> I was just offering my voice for Surly so that she's not standing in the middle of the room by herself..



Thanks, chickie.

I thought I might be the only person that had these feelings.


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## butch (Dec 18, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Thanks, chickie.
> 
> I thought I might be the only person that had these feelings.



No, I feel that way, to some degree. Its weird, but the reason I first started to come to Dims was because of the BHM/FFA forum, but nowadays I don't spend much time here. I actually spend more time at bellybuilders, which is more gay male-oriented, and I'm not sure why.

I think that Dims is a place where if you're not in the straight BBW/FA paradigm, you have to work extra hard to make your space, and to feel comfortable. Believe me, as a bi fat woman, who loves fat people of either gender (and thin ones, too), there isn't a dedicated space for me here (the whole Dims universe, not this particular forum), but I make do with what is available. Over time, I've grown more comfortable at various forums at Dims, but oddly enough, I don't feel like there's much desire on the part of BHMs (with one exception) to interact with me, so I stay pretty quiet when i do come here. That last thought may just be my own distorted view, and maybe if I hung out here more, that would change, but often times the tumbleweeds roll across the screen when I've posted here in the past. 

I do agree that any topic that is fat male related shouldn't automatically be moved here-if it is health related, it should be on the health board, if it is weight gain related, it should be on the weight board if the OP posts it there (but if they post it here, it should stay), if it is about clothing, on the clothing board, etc. The only way FFAs and BHMs will feel comfortable at other spots in the Dims universe is if we try to limit the segregation between the factions in our community. 

And I will say, the one thing that does make me sad is, there seems to be even less space devoted to fatties who love fatties at this site, of any gender combination. I don't know if such a topic deserves its own forum, but that is where I feel most estranged in this community, the lack of a viable and visible interactive community of fat people who prefer fat partners. I guess I could start a thread, but where? The lounge? The main board?


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## Melian (Dec 18, 2007)

I have to second Cammy's comments: I feel the hostility towards FFAs on other boards as well. I'll still post anywhere, but it seems like anything I say gets ignored unless it's posted in the BHM/FFA section, or if it's in the odd thread created by another FFA somewhere else.

I figure, Dimensions is highly geared towards BBW, so it's somewhat logical that my opinion doesn't mean very much in most areas of the site. I also understand why certain BHM and FFA post "off topic" threads here; they just want their friends to see it, as opposed to it getting 10 views/0 comments and sliding off the page somewhere else. Maybe the staying-on-topic rule should be slightly relaxed on this board; if the thread represents a comment/question being asked to BHM/FFA, then it should belong here.

The concept of a separate intro thread for the board is also a good idea. Yeah, there's one on the main board, but I'm not really comfortable posting a pic and intro in a place where no one really cares to hear from me (it's also a bit late for me... ).

That's all for now


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 18, 2007)

Melian said:


> *I figure, Dimensions is highly geared towards BBW*, so it's somewhat logical that my opinion doesn't mean very much in most areas of the site. I also understand why certain BHM and FFA post "off topic" threads here; they just want their friends to see it, as opposed to it getting 10 views/0 comments and sliding off the page somewhere else. Maybe the staying-on-topic rule should be slightly relaxed on this board; if the thread represents a comment/question being asked to BHM/FFA, then it should belong here.
> 
> That's all for now



Really? I don't see it this way at all. If it were geared towards any particular group at all, my money would be on FA's.


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## Melian (Dec 18, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Really? I don't see it this way at all. If it were geared towards any particular group at all, my money would be on FA's.



Sorry, I kind of had tunnel vision while typing this. What I mean is that the FA/BBW relationship is the main focus on this site.


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## Tad (Dec 18, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Quote:
> Originally Posted by Melian
> 
> 
> ...



I read that as "Highly geared towards [appreciation/admiration/lust for] BBW." That is, the focus of the site is, what it collectively 'thinks' about, is mostly BBW. *

I agree that the customers it probably most caters to are FA. Having said that, nine of the highest ten reputations are women, as are six of the ten most frequent posters. However, looking at the bottom of the front page, we see that right now there are: Currently Active Users: 737 (218 members and 519 guests). I'm guessing that most of those guests are guys, given how the most popular threads are mostly picture threads. So while Dimensions online may have grown out of a magazine aimed at FA, I'd say that a fair number of women are making their own space here, one way or another.

* Note that this may be a bigger problem for thin FFA than for BHM. While the number of people here interested in oggling BHM may not be that high, at least there is some reflected fat love coming our way. The number of people interested in oggling a thin FFA is also low, and some people quite virulently seem to dislike having them visibly around (although the same people seldom seem to have trouble with thin male FAs being around, go figure).


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## Melian (Dec 18, 2007)

Once again, Ed, you've expressed my thoughts better than I did.

*applauds*


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## butch (Dec 18, 2007)

missaf said:


> I am an admirer of both genders, and I'm a BBW myself, much like Butch. There's no real nitch that describes me, but that is why I don't like the labels society seems to apply to each new sub culture. The idea here, is that we meet under one banner and find information that pertains to every aspect of our lives, while being united as people exploring size acceptance and beauty at any size.
> 
> This place can be what you want to take out of it, and what you want to put into it. While I started 10 years ago as a lurker on the BHM/FFA forums, it's become far, far more than just a place to explore the world, it's like a second home.



missaf,

I agree, but I wonder, how often do you see anything come up at Dims that is specific to fat/fat relationships and sexuality? Whenever I usually come across it, at all, is usually when someone is upset at assumptions being made about who *should* be attracted to who, and that saddens me. I want joyous, happy, and real conversations among folks like me who want some sense of community out there with others who are fat and prefer fat partners. I don't know if its assumed that fat people dating fat people is somehow easy, and that the world is full of fat people willing and able to date other fat people, but in my world, this is not the case. I've never met a fat person irl life who preferred to date other fat people, and I would like to know that you, surly, Lilly, and I aren't the only ones who might share my interests in fat admiration while being fat (FAWBF), and I would also like a spot where we could talk about whatever. Whenever I bring it up in a thread, anywhere, the tumbleweeds appear, so I don't do it that often.

But yes, we should try to interact as much as possible, all of us here, and not segregate. As Tracy Turnblad so memorbaly exclaimed,

SEGREGATION NEVER!
INTEGRATION NOW!


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## Tad (Dec 18, 2007)

butch said:


> missaf,
> 
> I agree, but I wonder, how often do you see anything come up at Dims that is specific to fat/fat relationships and sexuality? Whenever I usually come across it, at all, is usually when someone is upset at assumptions being made about who *should* be attracted to who, and that saddens me. I want joyous, happy, and real conversations among folks like me who want some sense of community out there with others who are fat and prefer fat partners. I don't know if its assumed that fat people dating fat people is somehow easy, and that the world is full of fat people willing and able to date other fat people, but in my world, this is not the case. I've never met a fat person irl life who preferred to date other fat people, and I would like to know that you, surly, Lilly, and I aren't the only ones who might share my interests in fat admiration while being fat (FAWBF), and I would also like a spot where we could talk about whatever. Whenever I bring it up in a thread, anywhere, the tumbleweeds appear, so I don't do it that often.
> 
> ...



*raises hand* (although I'm only moderately fat, not having settled down with an FA). But there are quite a few guys around here who are FA, who are also fat, or who would like to become fat. It is just, I think, that their participation on the boards tends to be focussed around the weight board, as most of them have a strong fat eroticism streak in their interests.

The thing is, I think most people who feel this way learn to stay fairly quiet about it, as the excluded folk will often include some who will be vocally upset. Describing what you specifically want, without offending someone else, can be a challenge. But whenever I see something like a "hot boys" thread in the lounge, I wonder "did the person starting the thread really want to know what sort everyone finds attractive, or did they really want reinforcement for their preferences?"

Anyway, my ideal world remains a well padded one.

-Ed


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## butch (Dec 18, 2007)

edx said:


> *raises hand* (although I'm only moderately fat, not having settled down with an FA). But there are quite a few guys around here who are FA, who are also fat, or who would like to become fat. It is just, I think, that their participation on the boards tends to be focussed around the weight board, as most of them have a strong fat eroticism streak in their interests.
> 
> The thing is, I think most people who feel this way learn to stay fairly quiet about it, as the excluded folk will often include some who will be vocally upset. Describing what you specifically want, without offending someone else, can be a challenge. But whenever I see something like a "hot boys" thread in the lounge, I wonder "did the person starting the thread really want to know what sort everyone finds attractive, or did they really want reinforcement for their preferences?"
> 
> ...


 
Ed,

But don't you wish you didn't have to tippytoe around talking about this? I know I do, and I'm weary of it. And I'd also like to know why it is so hard for other people to hear that it is hard to come here and see so few fat people who would want to date other fat people. That isn't a criticism towards anyone-I don't believe that anyone has to justify their desires for particular bodies, but I would love to see what percentage of fat people actually do want to date other fat people. I know the 10% figure is often cited for the number of men who are FAs, and I wonder what it would be for fat people who want to date fat people. The 'glass is half empty' part of me thinks the percentage would be lower.

I don't know if I'm just complaining just for a pity party, but sometimes I need to vent.


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## Tad (Dec 18, 2007)

butch said:


> Ed,
> 
> But don't you wish you didn't have to tippytoe around talking about this? I know I do, and I'm weary of it. And I'd also like to know why it is so hard for other people to hear that it is hard to come here and see so few fat people who would want to date other fat people. That isn't a criticism towards anyone-I don't believe that anyone has to justify their desires for particular bodies, but I would love to see what percentage of fat people actually do want to date other fat people. I know the 10% figure is often cited for the number of men who are FAs, and I wonder what it would be for fat people who want to date fat people. The 'glass is half empty' part of me thinks the percentage would be lower.
> 
> I don't know if I'm just complaining just for a pity party, but sometimes I need to vent.



1) Yes, I wish pussy-footing was not necessary. On the other hand, I've pretty much concluded it is part of posting on the internet if you want to minimize crap storms.

2) I think that likely fat people are apt to be more polarized or opinionated or something on the subject of dating fat people. They almost half to have thought about it, and are apt to have pre-existing opinions. In some cases there is the "all fat is sexy, let's see how many bed frames we can break together!" group. Then there is the "my fat is loathsome, as I've always been told, so everyone else must also find their fat to be loathsome, and if they are fat it must be because they are equally miserable failures as I am at being thin." crowd on the opposite extreme. In between the "I guess it is normal, one fat person deserves another" the "if my partner is fat, they can't complain about me being fat" the "if my partner if fat, people will think I can't do any better," the "if my partner is fat it will make us seem like the fat couple, bringing more attention to my fat, which would be horrible" folks, and so on through I don't know how many variations. But I don't think you'd find many "I never really thought much about the size of people I might date."

Overall, is the portion willing to date other fat people higher or lower than amongst thin people? I don't know, but my money would be on higher. But the portion who are strongly opposed to dating a fat person might be just as high as with thin people?

I know this was a jolt to me. Even as a kid I had this idea that fat people would accept other fat people. We moved when I was eight, and the only boy near my age living close by was right across the street. Like me he was on the heavily built side, but unlike me both of his parents were fat--super-sized I'd call them now. For a year or two I'd go over to his house whenever I could, kind of scared/thrilled to be allowed a bit into this fat haven. They even did things like let him have just french fries for dinner, and have soda after school. I didn't actually like either of those things, but that they were permitted blew my mind. Actually, I didn't especially like him either, but I think I was infatuated with my view of his family or something. Then one day for some reason we weighed ourselves (it might have been me who instigated it, even then I was interested in weights). I weighed two pounds more than him (which shocked me, because I thought he was fatter. I never considered if I was a little taller or more muscular or whatever). When his mom got home from work, he all excitedly told her how I was heavier than him, and I suddenly realized that he didn't want to be fat, he just had a combination of genetics and environment which was leading him to be fat. My infatuation disappeared, and I seldom played with him after that. (although in hindsight, I think his mom was an FFA, as well as a BBW, but at nine or ten years old you really don't think about adults so much, or at least I didn't).

Regards;

-Ed


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## charlieversion2 (Dec 18, 2007)

Crumbling said:


> I concur. wholeheartedly.
> 
> There are issues beyond how much i weigh or how many rolls of belly fat i have.
> 
> ...



Ding! Ding! Ding! You just tied everything random I tried to type in to a perfect post!





missaf said:


> I would like to see this board evolve into what best fits the needs of the community, and that may shift over time. Open communication, feedback, questions and suggestions to the moderators and these kinds of discussions helps that happen. This is also appreciated, as it helps me understand what things we might be needed to change around here.



I think we have some great ideas *just saw the new welcome wagon thread and posted*

Missaf, I know for a fact there are several (both BBW and thin) FFAs that don't like to venture out into other parts of DIMs, for the reasons unknown, but would it be reasonable that posts in this part stay here? I know when I post here, it's an active decision to place it here, I can think many other people do the same. Or maybe you could PM them to ask to see whether or not its important to them to where it was posted.


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## butch (Dec 18, 2007)

missaf said:


> I know some threads fall by the wayside, and aren't seen again. While there are a few of us who are "out" as fat and admirers of fat, perhaps you guys can find those threads and send them to me in a PM? I can certainly create a category for those in the top 40 thread, and we can give legitimacy to that preference within this forum, as well.
> 
> I really call myself an FA -- I'm an admirer of fat, without getting too specific. I just don't like to be called a BBWFFAXYZABC ! LOL



Cool, I'll see what I can do over the next few days, and get in touch.

And yeah, the acronyms are cumbersome-but necessary, in some contexts. Funny, though, I try to use BBW the least of all the acronyms-probably because I have no desire myself to be thought of that way-I'm fat, pure and simple, the rest is too subjective to quantify.


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## William (Dec 18, 2007)

Hi Dr. P

Ever since I have been into fat Acceptance I have been saying that Fat Men Issues with Fat are just as deep as Fat Women and I still say that in some ways Fat Men have more fat issues than Fat Women. The Fact is that you will never see the same percentage of Fat Men post photos with their Face included like you do with Fat Women. You never see as many Fat Men swimming, in a swimsuit on the beach, wearing tight or even semi-tight clothes like Fat Women.

I think that this board is making a great start in really supporting BHMs!

I also identify with the BBWs on the board that feel left out by the BHM that are not into BBWs. I use to get insulted all the time on the Main Board when a BBW would say that BHMs were not her style or even worse on other BBW internet areas I have read things like "no fat guys please!"

William







Dr. P Marshall said:


> Is that really how the picture threads make you feel? Because as one of the FFAs on the board, I assure you, that is never my intention. I for one love it when topics are discussed on the board. In fact, the reason I joined Dims in the first place was because I saw a thread where the BHMs were explaining to an FFA why her boyfriend had the body issues he did. I was very touched by their posts and it made me see the men I am attracted to in a different light and it also made me see that this was a group of warm and caring people.
> 
> I think with the picture threads(from an FFA perspective) what happens is that many of us realize that for some BHM posting pictures is the first step towards a type of self acceptance. And, while the compliments are sincere(and the eye candy appreciated since we don't get to see the men we like represented much in popular culture either), they are also meant as a means of encouragement to the men along the path of self acceptance. I am not a BBW and since this is a size acceptance board, I feel that what I get out of the boards (while important, and I get a lot out of the boards in many ways) is somewhat secondary to what the BHM get out of the boards. This is a place for FFAs, but it is much more of a place for BHMs. That's not a complaint, I feel that is how it should be. I suspect I am not alone in this feeling, since the FFAs seem to somewhat follow the lead of the BHM in terms of topics. For all the hooting and hollering (and I'm very guilty of that) there is a genuine effort made to answer serious discussions with serious answers.
> 
> ...


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 18, 2007)

cammy said:


> A lot has been posted since last evening and many of you have made excellent points and observations - including SlackerFa, Dr. P Marshall and Green Eyed Fairy.
> 
> I've found the other boards to be so dominated by BBWs and the men that admire them, that there is no room for an outsider, i.e. a thin FFA. I thought this site was about size acceptance - oops, my mistake, its really about acceptance of the size of the BBWs.



I tend to disagree with this mainly because there ARE thin girls that post regularly on that board including Love Dubh and The Sadeain Linguist- they have been posting on these boards longer than myself. I have never seen them make posts about feeling "unwelcome" due to their size.....


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 18, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> SA - "Size Acceptance" - a civil rights movement started in 1969 when NAAFA, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance was founded. *The size acceptance movement seeks to eliminate discrimination against fat people in all areas of life and generally make life better for people of size.*
> 
> I think that many people of size feel..i'm not sure what the term would be...
> threatened maybe or have their safe haven "invaded" by thinner woman. I don't think I worded that quite right. I have to admit, i've thought to myself a couple times..."find your own men". Haha. I know it's not what I really mean, people like what they like, it can be a fine line to walk I guess.



I have no memory or idea of whatever happened with Cammy so I don't feel comfortable commenting on it. However, I do remember one FFA up on the mainboard that seemed offended that an FA said he didn't like skinny girls sexually so she started an argument that he was wrong for feeling that way. It seemed wrong on so many levels coming from someone that should understand what it is to prefer a larger partner. That person was called on by a mod- and I agreed with the mod 100%.

Point is, it's not really fair to keep saying that ALL the BBWs have their noses out of joint or whatever just because someone had a disagreement with one, two or whatever. I KNOW it wasn't with me so I'm trying not to be a little offended at seeing the whole lot of us stereo-typed.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 18, 2007)

Obesus said:


> I've been around since '99 on the old and new boards alike and there have been some pretty bleak periods, when the board was mostly populated by folks who were either isolated fat men or men trying to gain weight in a sort of social vacuum. There was a kind of golden era around '99-00, when there was more of a balance of women, men and some interesting discussions going on. Then there was a long period when the board was hardly populated at all and it was just a few of us hanging on for dear life...that was the scene at the end of the old boards. The new boards have brought a new wave of women and more balance, but we rarely have any real discussion beyond the eye-candy stage. We have had threads on creativity, on spirituality and other matters that might lend themselves to deeper discussion, but the energy and interest is hard to maintain around those topics. We still have room to grow there...
> Now, I definitely agree with another of our Board elders, the honorable William, that this is certainly not just a board where fat men come to find the attention of thin women. That is not true by a long shot. Many of our FFA's have been BBW throughout Board history and many men do go by personality and flair rather than merest physical appearances. I would be one of those and I know that many of our lads dig BBW, fer sure! So, I would certainly enjoy it if this board could develop more of a sense of a peer support amongst the men and more of a community feeling amongst everyone, based on the things that really make life wonderful...our creativity, intelligence and wisdom! Huzzah! :bow:




What a class act you are 

*curtsies to him* :bow:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 18, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Really? I don't see it this way at all. If it were geared towards any particular group at all, my money would be on FA's.



I tend to agree with this...those were my first thoughts exactly when I read her post, as well.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 18, 2007)

missaf said:


> This place can be what you want to take out of it, and what you want to put into it.



Amen :bow:


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## Britannia (Dec 18, 2007)

I will make a very brief appearance here.

I have never received flack (sp?) specifically for my size, but I used to have a crush on a guy here who I met on another site. I didn't know he had a preference for chubby girls, and one time I told him he was "missing out" when he said he didn't go for thin girls. It was just a flirtation on my part, no dissing on the BBW community.

I don't know if it was their intent, but I felt very attacked by who responded. I think they thought I was saying that thin girls are better, and just the vibes off the post reeked not-good-ness to me. No names, though I'm sure you can dig it up if you try hard enough. I just dropped it and hid from those forums for a while.


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## William (Dec 19, 2007)

Hi 

I have observed that when a FFA of any size relates experiences of what their BHM has to deal with being a Fat Guy that it does not go over as well as when a FA makes the same statement about a BBW.

William





Melian said:


> I have to second Cammy's comments: I feel the hostility towards FFAs on other boards as well. I'll still post anywhere, but it seems like anything I say gets ignored unless it's posted in the BHM/FFA section, or if it's in the odd thread created by another FFA somewhere else.
> 
> I figure, Dimensions is highly geared towards BBW, so it's somewhat logical that my opinion doesn't mean very much in most areas of the site. I also understand why certain BHM and FFA post "off topic" threads here; they just want their friends to see it, as opposed to it getting 10 views/0 comments and sliding off the page somewhere else. Maybe the staying-on-topic rule should be slightly relaxed on this board; if the thread represents a comment/question being asked to BHM/FFA, then it should belong here.
> 
> ...


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## Ninja Glutton (Dec 19, 2007)

I've also noticed that size preferences are only deemed "legitimate" or "justified" if they concern fat people. Thin preferences (by men or women) are treated as a total taboo around these parts. I never really thought that was fair, but you're all well aware of my opinion on the matter lol.


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## William (Dec 19, 2007)

Hi Rocczilla 

Thin is not a problem for FAs on these boards and for most of existence of the boards Fat was not a "Issue" for men.

What I think that makes Dimensions great that unlike many other "Fat" Internet Areas Dimensions grows, mutates and reacts to the "Fat Community"!!

There is change at Dimension and you can not say that about many of the other "Fat Communities" that condemn Dimensions. 

William




rocczilla said:


> I've also noticed that size preferences are only deemed "legitimate" or "justified" if they concern fat people. Thin preferences (by men or women) are treated as a total taboo around these parts. I never really thought that was fair, but you're all well aware of my opinion on the matter lol.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 19, 2007)

William said:


> I think that this board is making a great start in really supporting BHMs!



I'm glad you feel that way too. I think that's what we all want here at this board and I think this topic has helped us all figure out some ways to make an already (IMHO) great place even better.

Dr. P


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## PolarKat (Dec 19, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> There seems to be considerable tension between BBWs and FAs at dimensions regarding topics such as size, weight gain, etc. I'm wondering if/how this strife plays out between BHMs and FFAs as well? I'm sure there are many shared issues, but I'm curious to hear the similarities/differences in these relationships.



::Cloaking system off::
There's less tension on the BHM/FFA side, but that's most likely due to a few factors.. the foremost is the depth of converstaion.. well over 1/2 of the posts here are picture posts.. Topics that actually deal with with the concept of size/self acceptance, or that go on a deeper level are too far in between, but they also tend to be quite civil, the only problem is that when you do have such posts you'll notice that the participants are usually the same people (see the FFAs/BHM's that posted here already..) so these topics tend to fall by the wayside quickly. Any topics that could be controversial.. like "Why does X perfer Y", are quicky hijacked as flamefest from main forum posters and never actually get talked out.. add to that a bit of the BHM just not wanting friction, which is something we do in real life..."just smile and laugh it off", and the FFA's are also comming here more for pleasure vs. some sort of political goal etc...
Also it has alot to do with the reversal from the main board. In our case the FA's are mainly women, so they tend to be more mindful of feelings when posting etc.. vs the Male FA who.. well.. is male, and phrases things logicaly and how they see them, which just opens the doors to misinterpretation and strife from someone who is oversensitive..


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## Tad (Dec 19, 2007)

PolarKat said:


> well.. is male, and phrases things logicaly and how they see them, which just opens the doors to misinterpretation and strife from someone who is oversensitive..



Ummmmm, you mean that like that last sentence?


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 19, 2007)

edx said:


> Ummmmm, you mean that like that last sentence?



Of course he does. That's why he stays cloaked.


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## Surlysomething (Dec 19, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> I've also noticed that size preferences are only deemed "legitimate" or "justified" if they concern fat people. Thin preferences (by men or women) are treated as a total taboo around these parts. I never really thought that was fair, but you're all well aware of my opinion on the matter lol.




You're kidding, right? The proportion of BHM to average sized FA is WAY higher than BBW to thin men (in real life), don't you think? There's no taboo that I can see. I have a hard time finding a BHM that even glances at me.  And i'm cute, damn it! I'm a chunky monkey that likes Big guys, there's no specific place for me on this site.

As far as you go? I think there was a lot of teasing directed towards you, kiddo. You're a cutie! Like what you like!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 19, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> You're kidding, right? The proportion of BHM to average sized FA is WAY higher than BBW to thin men (in real life), don't you think? There's no taboo that I can see. I have a hard time finding a BHM that even glances at me.  And i'm cute, damn it! I'm a chunky monkey that likes Big guys, there's no specific place for me on this site.
> 
> As far as you go? I think there was a lot of teasing directed towards you, kiddo. You're a cutie! Like what you like!




You know, as someone that prefers men of varying sizes, I have noticed this, too, in reality. The bigger guys seem to want petite to average sized women. So I find it slightly amusing if I ever see a complaint that a BBW doesn't like bigger men. I mainly date thin men....because that's who is asking me out.


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## mischel (Dec 19, 2007)

My actual tension:

"IMO, just-belly pics are like the pictures men take of their cocks."
Posted here: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33769

Didnt like that


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## Ninja Glutton (Dec 19, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> You're kidding, right? The proportion of BHM to average sized FA is WAY higher than BBW to thin men (in real life), don't you think? There's no taboo that I can see. I have a hard time finding a BHM that even glances at me.  And i'm cute, damn it! I'm a chunky monkey that likes Big guys, there's no specific place for me on this site.
> 
> As far as you go? I think there was a lot of teasing directed towards you, kiddo. You're a cutie! Like what you like!



Thanks for the compliments... and I'll always like what I like. I'm a stubborn man and no amount of jeering is going to convince me otherwise, but I was just trying to make a point.

And I wasn't kidding. It seems to me whenever me or someone else expresses that they have a propensity towards more petite, average-sized girls and that that's more attractive to them personally, then there's all sorts of backlash. 

I've actually had people from this board IM me on AIM and ask me how I can yearn for acceptance as a fat man but not be "accepting" of fat women. In reality, it has nothing to do with acceptance... It's like me telling a gay man he's not accepting of women because of his sexual orientation. That's absurd. Different strokes, different folks. 

It just seems like I offended a lot of people by pointing out my own personal preferences. I never said a bad word about bigger women, and I have many larger female friends, family members, and acquaintances. It has absolutely nothing to do with acceptance. It's all about what turns me on. I can't help what turns me on and what doesn't. It's biologically ingrained... not some kind of conscious choice or exclusion.

Call it narrowminded, call it cliche, but that's just the way it is. That's who I am sexually and I'm not ashamed of it.

I know I've spoken about this alot, so I'll add on another piece of discussion...

I feel like a lot of times the men are treated like pieces of meat on this board, and I wish there was some way to reduce the traffic of creepy people contacting members and doing nothing but hitting on them in uncomfortable ways. I know that's not possible, but it was a bit of a problem for me when I first came here, and I'm sure others have had similar experiences.

If you're going to contact a BHM because you're so enamored and intrigued by him, then be a little bit more subtle... have some tact. IMing them with suggestive smiley faces and innuendo is a surefire way to make them feel uncomfortable. Treat them like human beings not prey.

My $0.02

/rant


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 19, 2007)

I tried hard to steer clear of that argument and I don't want to open this can of worms here rocczilla but once and for all you have to understand that nobody here cares that you prefer thin women. It's not what you said, it was how you said it and that's what everybody spent days trying to tell you. If I said, "Yeaah rocc you're alright but in my opinion there's nothing sexier than a 6 foot gym jock with pecs out to here and thighs of granite - that's just my opinion," you probably wouldn't care too much because I'm not your type anyway but that would still be in poor taste to say. Your preference is not and never was the issue. 

Seriously rocczilla, nobody here thinks poorly of you. It was just a misunderstanding, lets wipe the slate clean and forget about it eh? There are plenty of men here who prefer thin women and exist here with no problem, nobody expects you to change anything. 




rocczilla said:


> Thanks for the compliments... and I'll always like what I like. I'm a stubborn man and no amount of jeering is going to convince me otherwise, but I was just trying to make a point.
> 
> And I wasn't kidding. It seems to me whenever me or someone else expresses that they have a propensity towards more petite, average-sized girls and that that's more attractive to them personally, then there's all sorts of backlash.
> 
> ...


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## Ninja Glutton (Dec 19, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> I tried hard to steer clear of that argument and I don't want to open this can of worms here rocczilla but once and for all you have to understand that nobody here cares that you prefer thin women. It's not what you said, it was how you said it and that's what everybody spent days trying to tell you. If I said, "Yeaah rocc you're alright but in my opinion there's nothing sexier than a 6 foot gym jock with pecs out to here and thighs of granite - that's just my opinion," you probably wouldn't care too much because I'm not your type anyway but that would still be in poor taste to say. Your preference is not and never was the issue.
> 
> Seriously rocczilla, nobody here thinks poorly of you. It was just a misunderstanding, lets wipe the slate clean and forget about it eh? There are plenty of men here who prefer thin women and exist here with no problem, nobody expects you to change anything.



I don't know. Not everyone seems to share your sentiment. Certain people definitely cared and do care, but I agree it's been discussed at length already. To me, the issue was dropped as quickly as it was discussed, but the reason I brought it up was because it kind of fit the thread.

I don't feel the need to walk on eggshells.

EDIT: Also, I never misconstrued it as people having it "out" for me or disliking me. I never really felt that way here. Hell, I'm a lovable guy. I just don't like being misrepresented or pigeon-holed.


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## Surlysomething (Dec 19, 2007)

in the words of Homer J. Simpson

"Never try"


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 19, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> I don't know. Not everyone seems to share your sentiment. Certain people definitely cared and do care, but I agree it's been discussed at length already. To me, the issue was dropped as quickly as it was discussed, but the reason I brought it up was because it kind of fit the thread.
> 
> I don't feel the need to walk on eggshells.



_"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to rocczilla again."​_
Just so long as you understand that the views expressed by one or two doesn't mean that's the vibe here. Most of us are pretty casual about this sort of stuff.


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## Ninja Glutton (Dec 19, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> _"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to rocczilla again."​_
> Just so long as you understand that the views expressed by one or two doesn't mean that's the vibe here. Most of us are pretty casual about this sort of stuff.



Haha, I know. 99% of the people here are awesome, understanding, lovely folks. I don't want people to think I don't appreciate them and their contribution to my emotional wellbeing. Just the fact that the people on this board really exist in real life makes me happy.

Oh, and I apologize for the thread hi-jackage. Carry on :bow:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 19, 2007)

Rocczilla, it's cool with me if you like thin girls....the men in my family prefer petites themselves so it doesn't phase me at all nor do I take it personal. Actually, I don't find that attraction, for myself anyway, relies on a person being fat or thin...it's more of an individual thing. I never know what's going to cause the "click" of feeling attracted to someone. I suppose it is the same with men and myself...I have always preferred to think that any attraction that the men in my life have felt towards me went way beyond my weight. *shrugs*


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## PolarKat (Dec 19, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> Of course he does. That's why he stays cloaked.


Exactly!! Which is why I bought the cloaking device.. 
just a word advice, if you want to get your own cloaking device.. don't try barganing with Klingons.. it'll cost ya an arm and and a leg!!


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## cammy (Dec 19, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I have no memory or idea of whatever happened with Cammy so I don't feel comfortable commenting on it. However, I do remember one FFA up on the mainboard that seemed offended that an FA said he didn't like skinny girls sexually so she started an argument that he was wrong for feeling that way. It seemed wrong on so many levels coming from someone that should understand what it is to prefer a larger partner. That person was called on by a mod- and I agreed with the mod 100%.
> 
> Point is, it's not really fair to keep saying that ALL the BBWs have their noses out of joint or whatever just because someone had a disagreement with one, two or whatever. I KNOW it wasn't with me so I'm trying not to be a little offended at seeing the whole lot of us stereo-typed.



The incident you've recited did not involve me in any way.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 19, 2007)

cammy said:


> The incident you've recited did not involve me in any way.




No, it didn't


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## Obesus (Dec 20, 2007)

.....Western culture, in particular, is just damnably obsessed with the visual to the point where it is not spiritually healthy. Just imagine along with me that you are absolutely blind....how would you know you wanted to make friends with someone? Their voice would mean so much more and then the _things that they are saying _would mean everything; not their bodysize, shape or form. Often, as I walk down the mean streets of San Francisco, I will focus my gaze over people's heads, just to _feel_ the energy surrounding them rather than their visual aspect. Many times I am fooled and the energy is attached to someone I never would have expected it to be attached to...we learn new things every day. I am predicting a new trend in attraction....magnetic attraction between two spirits...did I just, gulp, sound New-Agey???? NO...it's the New Aeon! "93" over there! (The spirit "Lam" revealed in the Liber Al Legis; "The Book of the Law", that "Every Man and every Woman is a Star."


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## Russ2d (Dec 20, 2007)

GEyedF:


> You hit the nail on the head....in a sense that's a BIG part of the problem. The FFAs are WOMEN and hence, think like women. They think with their emotions first (or a I notice a lot of women do- but won't claim ALL) as in they are more sensitive about some things. A lot of the males on the other boards/chat seem to use their second heads to make their decisions for them...and don't give a damn who they offend. Some seem to strictly frequent these boards in search of fap material and have nothing of real substance to contribute unless it's a stray compliment or two- and a lot of those compliments seem reserved for the women willing to show themselves naked or in racier poses. This serves to make the ladies feel dehumanized....and possibly pissed off. Not good in a community that already has a lot of "disillusioned" people in it to begin with, IMO.



Not the whole story... there are numerous women on the other boards who look to be offended and will twist what the men say from something that is positive into something that is negative. Yes men and women are different but I am sick of the woman good / men bad comfort formula that gets drummed up way too often. There are "bad apple" men out there but lets try to be a little more balanced in our judgments and recognize the "bad apple" women too.


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## StridentDionysus (Dec 20, 2007)

mischel said:


> My actual tension:
> 
> "IMO, just-belly pics are like the pictures men take of their cocks."
> Posted here: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33769
> ...



Just think about this, if this board was all twisted and the ladies were the ones flooding with pics of just their bodies... that would be REALLY nice , for a while (maybe the first week or so) but after that what??? I really think that the line sums it up nicely, men take pics of their cocks cuz they think that the ladies like it and the men here do the same with their bellies because they think that all the FFAs want are belly pics and nothing else.

Even tho this forums have a "no personal ad" policy at least here it's just about that. One guy comes, posts his belly pic and waits for a response (and maybe meet someone via a PM), the majority don't even talk about anything else, just post pics (and never on the same thread). That gets old for the ladies and at least for me (a Heterosexual man with no interest in seeing other guys shirtless) makes this boards extremely boring.

I only got to know one person from here and that's because nobody talks about ANYTHING ELSE. All I see is "Oh *add username* you are cute!" and that doesn't let me know about someone, doesn't let me aproach them through PMs because I believe that we might have something in common.

And that's why I think we don't have drama issues here, because NOTHING gets discussed (hence no drama), it's just a bunch of men posting pics of themselves. Don't get me wrong, in the end I did create that short shirt thread didn't I? But that was before I realized that this forum has turned into a big gallery of bellies (that lil census we had with the poll turned to a belly themed thread even tho it began with face pics :doh.


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## William (Dec 20, 2007)

Hi 

Well a lot of stuff that we could talk about gets talked about on the Main Board, but there is a lot of fluff on this Board.

The Main Board has at least 5 or more extra boards that handle all the fluff and other stuff and in reality the non-serious and fluffy stuff dwarves the "serious" talk on the Main Board. Look at the post count on the Top page!

As for the photos, I will not condemn any Woman or Man who wants to share their photo, especially if it is the first time for them, it is often therapeutic. The repetition does get boring and makes this board hell for those with dial-up (cable at home/Dial-up at work).

There are more serious threads started on this board and I do contribute to them, but they all die out.

William 




StridentDionysus said:


> Just think about this, if this board was all twisted and the ladies were the ones flooding with pics of just their bodies... that would be REALLY nice , for a while (maybe the first week or so) but after that what??? I really think that the line sums it up nicely, men take pics of their cocks cuz they think that the ladies like it and the men here do the same with their bellies because they think that all the FFAs want are belly pics and nothing else.
> 
> Even tho this forums have a "no personal ad" policy at least here it's just about that. One guy comes, posts his belly pic and waits for a response (and maybe meet someone via a PM), the majority don't even talk about anything else, just post pics (and never on the same thread). That gets old for the ladies and at least for me (a Heterosexual man with no interest in seeing other guys shirtless) makes this boards extremely boring.
> 
> ...


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 20, 2007)

Russ2d said:


> GEyedF:
> 
> Not the whole story... there are numerous women on the other boards who look to be offended and will twist what the men say from something that is positive into something that is negative. Yes men and women are different but I am sick of the woman good / men bad comfort formula that gets drummed up way too often. There are "bad apple" men out there but lets try to be a little more balanced in our judgments and recognize the "bad apple" women too.




I never said that "women never mistakes" or shouldn't be held accountable for their poor behaviors. Indeed, they should. However, that doesn't mean that what I previously stated couldn't possibly be true, now does it? A man's bad behavior doesn't excuse woman's bad behavior- but that also goes vice versa.
You might not even see the males behaviors as "bad"- I'm just not overly impressed with it myself. (and I don't mean ALL the males here...some are very delightful) 
It's surprising to see you posting here because I have always noticed you strictly on the weight board and thought that must be "your hangout"- just my impression. I already noted from many of your previous posts that you most likely believe it's all the ladies faults. You need to be a little more balanced in some of your judgments as well, IMO.


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## stefanie (Dec 20, 2007)

*ChrisVersion2*, I *love* the Guys in Formal Wear thread. To me, it's *not* "just about sex," but about the "Man in Full" (to borrow the title of one of Tom Wolfe's books.)

*Missaf*, thank you for creating an intro thread for FFA/BHM!



> *William* writes: The Fact is that you will never see the same percentage of Fat Men post photos with their Face included like you do with Fat Women. You never see as many Fat Men swimming, in a swimsuit on the beach, wearing tight or even semi-tight clothes like Fat Women.



I think it's terrible that social customs would make men feel inhibited about doing what so many take for granted. "Acceptance" to me is more than just "tolerance;" it's being able to take part in *everything* the "mainstream" takes for granted.



> *Obesus:* Often, as I walk down the mean streets of San Francisco, I will focus my gaze over people's heads, just to feel the energy surrounding them rather than their visual aspect. Many times I am fooled and the energy is attached to someone I never would have expected it to be attached to...we learn new things every day.



That is true. I have loved men of different sizes and shapes, and each one had his own special energy and beauty. But I'm loving a fat man now, and that's why I'm here.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 20, 2007)

Russ2d said:


> GEyedF:
> 
> Not the whole story... there are numerous women on the other boards who look to be offended and will twist what the men say from something that is positive into something that is negative. Yes men and women are different but I am sick of the woman good / men bad comfort formula that gets drummed up way too often. There are "bad apple" men out there but lets try to be a little more balanced in our judgments and recognize the "bad apple" women too.



I don't think that anyone here was seriously trying to state that women are better. The point that many here were trying to make is that traditionally(and this is changing in society)men have been the pursuers and women the pursued. Men the objectifiers and women the objectified. And because of this A LOT (by no means all) of women are going to be more sensitive to the fine line between admiration and objectification when the situation is reversed. But as some of the posts in this thread by BHM prove, there are plenty of women out there who are less than tasteful as well. I also think that there is a fine line between admiring people of a certain weight and being unkind towards those who are of different proportions. This is a fat admiration site, of course, and as such all the fat admirers should sing the praises of the people they find attractive. But there are ways of appreciating women(or men) of a certain size without insulting everyone else. I think that no one male or female of any size likes it when it is implied or stated that their sole obligation and even purpose on this earth is to remake themselves into the sexual or physical ideal of anyone else. I think everyone just wants to be treated with respect.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 20, 2007)

I don't know what happened, or why this ended up here twice. If the moderator wants to remove this, that would be great.



Russ2d said:


> GEyedF:
> 
> Not the whole story... there are numerous women on the other boards who look to be offended and will twist what the men say from something that is positive into something that is negative. Yes men and women are different but I am sick of the woman good / men bad comfort formula that gets drummed up way too often. There are "bad apple" men out there but lets try to be a little more balanced in our judgments and recognize the "bad apple" women too.



I don't think that anyone here was seriously trying to state that women are better. The point that many here were trying to make is that traditionally(and this is changing in society)men have been the pursuers and women the pursued. Men the objectifiers and women the objectified. And because of this A LOT (by no means all) of women are going to be more sensitive to the fine line between admiration and objectification when the situation is reversed. But as some of the posts in this thread by BHM prove, there are plenty of women out there who are less than tasteful as well. 

I also think that there is a fine line between admiring people of a certain weight and being unkind towards those who are of different proportions. This is a fat admiration site, of course, and as such all the fat admirers should sing the praises of the people they find attractive. But there are ways of appreciating women or men of a certain size without insulting everyone else. I think that no one, male or female of any size, likes it when it is implied or stated that their sole obligation and even purpose on this earth is to remake themselves into the sexual or physical ideal of anyone else. I think everyone just wants to be treated with respect.


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## StridentDionysus (Dec 20, 2007)

William said:


> Hi
> 
> Well a lot of stuff that we could talk about gets talked about on the Main Board, but there is a lot of fluff on this Board.
> 
> ...



As stated by some people before me. The thin FFAs and us the BHMs that aren't into BBWs are not welcome over the other boards. And I'm not talking about those themes, even BHM related things and threads pointed to see how the others are (like polls about health or just a lil game of words or something) get thrown two or three pages behind by the flood of pics. It's not that I don't like someone posting his pic for the first time... but three different threads of his belly???? C'mon! That just doesn't contribute to this board the slightest bit, it's just ego massaging :huh:.


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## Fatgator (Dec 21, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> How many of those guys there have been made to feel that they are essentially nothing more than a mound of fat? How many FFAs approach them demanding weight/measurements before even asking for a name? Or say they have a fantasy of feeding them to death?



That part I think is obvious...men usually just come out and say their height/weight to try to impress the ladies...and if an FFA tells us they want to feed us to death (metaphorically)...that's usually most of our fantasies too, so of course we don't mind.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 21, 2007)

Fatgator said:


> ...and if an FFA tells us they want to feed us to death (metaphorically)...



The guy in the thread in question made it VERY clear he wasn't speaking metaphorically. PM me if you want the link.


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## Fatgator (Dec 21, 2007)

Nah I don't need a link, thank you though. I was wrong about that part. I'm sorry.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 21, 2007)

No problem. It just disturbed a lot of people who saw it.


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## Fatgator (Dec 21, 2007)

I can understand that...it sounds a bit extreme. I'd want to be fed, but not to death...the ironic thing is that people who don't understand our (this sites) world probably thinks we're putting ourselves to death (with gaining, being fat, etc). If that makes any sense.


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## Fatgator (Dec 21, 2007)

William said:


> Hi Rocczilla
> 
> Thin is not a problem for FAs on these boards and for most of existence of the boards Fat was not a "Issue" for men.
> 
> ...



Just wondering, but I haven't seen any other "Fat communities" other than Dimensions? Fantasyfeeder.com is the only other sight I've found that would even be close. Maybe I just don't know where to look.

As a matter of fact, that was a question I was going to ask...are there any other BHM/FFA communities out there? I haven't been able to find any, they all seem to be BBW sites or BBW/BHM sites. By BBW/BHM I mean the sites that assume fat people are for fat people (no options for FA/FFA's).


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## Fatgator (Dec 21, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> You're kidding, right? The proportion of BHM to average sized FA is WAY higher than BBW to thin men (in real life), don't you think? There's no taboo that I can see. I have a hard time finding a BHM that even glances at me.  And i'm cute, damn it! I'm a chunky monkey that likes Big guys, there's no specific place for me on this site.
> 
> As far as you go? I think there was a lot of teasing directed towards you, kiddo. You're a cutie! Like what you like!




Sometimes I wonder if it depends on the part of country you live in...Growing up, I rarely, if EVER saw a Big guy with an average/thin woman. It was always big women/big men or big women/thin men.


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## Fatgator (Dec 21, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> If you're going to contact a BHM because you're so enamored and intrigued by him, then be a little bit more subtle... have some tact. IMing them with suggestive smiley faces and innuendo is a surefire way to make them feel uncomfortable. Treat them like human beings not prey.
> 
> My $0.02
> 
> /rant




I find that funny in a way...I've never been contacted by an FFA first, I've had to contact them (sorry if I've bothered any of them).


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## Fatgator (Dec 21, 2007)

StridentDionysus said:


> but three different threads of his belly???? C'mon! That just doesn't contribute to this board the slightest bit, it's just ego massaging :huh:.



It's possible that is directed at me. I think I re-joined this site a few days ago and put up new pics of me in a few different places. 

As has been noted all along in this thread is that people posting their pictures are taking up space here...part of it might be because people misunderstand what the BHM/FFA forum is about? I mean when I came back here, I saw a ton of other threads with mens belly's and pictures in them, so I assumed it was okay for me to do as well.

I didn't mean to annoy anyone if I did with my posts.

I figured this place was a place for BHMs and FFA's to meet and chat and get to know each other. I also figured people in here would start meaningful, deep discussions such as this one. Overall, I thought everything was, and is in near perfect harmony so to speak.

No one on here fights, it seems to me anyways. People partake in all the eye candy threads, with compliments, playful, fun teasing and the like. However, those same people can transition into thought-provoking conversations, such as this one, seamlessly.

That is my favorite part about this place, everyone seems to get along and can talk about anything, no matter what it may be. At the end of the day, everyone in here are still friends, so to speak.

I for one would like to thank everyone in here for the way they are. All the FFA's make us BHM's (at least me anyways) feel wanted, attractive and special. Also for the other BHM's here who usually seem to work with each other instead of fighting. I try to dole out respect to all the people on this site.

The bottom line for me is that everyone here is happy and feels appreciated.


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## Tad (Dec 21, 2007)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> I don't think that anyone here was seriously trying to state that women are better. The point that many here were trying to make is that traditionally(and this is changing in society)men have been the pursuers and women the pursued. Men the objectifiers and women the objectified. And because of this A LOT (by no means all) of women are going to be more sensitive to the fine line between admiration and objectification when the situation is reversed. But as some of the posts in this thread by BHM prove, there are plenty of women out there who are less than tasteful as well. I also think that there is a fine line between admiring people of a certain weight and being unkind towards those who are of different proportions. This is a fat admiration site, of course, and as such all the fat admirers should sing the praises of the people they find attractive. But there are ways of appreciating women(or men) of a certain size without insulting everyone else. I think that no one male or female of any size likes it when it is implied or stated that their sole obligation and even purpose on this earth is to remake themselves into the sexual or physical ideal of anyone else. I think everyone just wants to be treated with respect.



"You must spread some reputation around before giving it to P. Marshall again" :doh:

So yah, bravo, that was _very_ well said. I'd like that framed and stuck on every board, or something.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 21, 2007)

Fatgator said:


> That part I think is obvious...men usually just come out and say their height/weight to try to impress the ladies...and if an FFA tells us they want to feed us to death (metaphorically)...that's usually most of our fantasies too, so of course we don't mind.



That's the trick though..........men come out and think that the ladies think the same as they do. We don't..............
It's quite insulting to most women to be made into nothing more than our bodies. I know I am much more than my body and have never been able to hold an interest in a person that didn't seem intelligent enough to realize it.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 21, 2007)

Fatgator said:


> I can understand that...it sounds a bit extreme. I'd want to be fed, but not to death...the ironic thing is that people who don't understand our (this sites) world probably thinks we're putting ourselves to death (with gaining, being fat, etc). If that makes any sense.



It's one thing to have the choice to do it yourself- it's another to want to do it to someone against their will.


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## Fatgator (Dec 21, 2007)

I don't know it for sure, but according to the thread, there is more tension on the BBW/FA sections than in here. I have a theory I'd like to postulate.

Could it be because there are usually BBW's and FA's in the Dimensions BBW/FA chatroom? It seems like there are always at least 10-15 people in there, and often in the 20's...yet no one ever goes to the BHM/FFA chatroom.

Maybe because of that chat those people get to know each other better, and become good chat buddies and etc, and they have a place where they can can easily "gang up". 

Like a ton of chats on the web, there are places where everyone goes to, and the new people are usually either welcomed cautiously, or picked apart (similar to what some FFA's in this thread said they endured when they would post elsewhere on this site.)

So, could that chatroom have anything to do with those tensions? People are on here every day, but it is usually just through threads, which can take seconds, to minutes, to hours for anyone to respond to...so even if someone WAS upset, usually they have a little time to calm down. As where that chatroom, since it is obviously an instant means of communication, people who get mad can usually get out of control with their thoughts, and cause a part of the tension.

Plus, as I mentioned, a majority of the same people go into that chat, so they all know each other, and sometimes if someone new comes along that doesn't quite understand what the site is about, and is just looking for answers, the people in there, some anyways, might get irritated, thinking that new person didn't belong there.

I don't know if any of this theory makes any sense to any of you, but it was just a thought I had.


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## Tad (Dec 21, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> That's the trick though..........men come out and think that the ladies think the same as they do. We don't..............
> It's quite insulting to most women to be made into nothing more than our bodies. I know I am much more than my body and have never been able to hold an interest in a person that didn't seem intelligent enough to realize it.



I don't think that is intelligence, I think that is wisdom. There are plenty of smart fools in the world.....


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## Suze (Dec 21, 2007)

mischel said:


> My actual tension:
> 
> "IMO, just-belly pics are like the pictures men take of their cocks."
> Posted here: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33769
> ...



lol

(..........)


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 21, 2007)

edx said:


> I don't think that is intelligence, I think that is wisdom. There are plenty of smart fools in the world.....




'tis true  :bow:


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 21, 2007)

edx said:


> So yah, bravo, that was _very_ well said. I'd like that framed and stuck on every board, or something.



Thanks. (Blushes, bows shyly) If anyone wants to quote me on that, I'm cool with it


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