# FAs/FFAs have you ever changed your body for someone you desired?



## joswitch (Jul 13, 2009)

Besides the last 22 years of weight training I've put in - in large part cos almost every girl I met professed to like muscles (also the tall, but I already have the tall covered  )... 

Not this winter but last ('07/'08) I deliberately gained a couple of pounds of fat, cos a lovely girl I was verrry into (and later had a relationship with) had expressed a turn-off re. the veiny forearms, which I, like a lot of blokes who workout and/or do physical work, had...

Sure it wasn't a great big change and it helped keep me warm in winter, but it was a change that one girl inspired... and it was worth it... she was worth it... :blush: even though our whole thing was kinda doomed from the start  still worth it, for me... je n'regrette rein.... 

Have any other FAs/FFAs changed their bodies in any way in the hope of getting involved with / keeping someone you desired? Did it work out and how did you feel about it? 

And yes *I know* the whole "never change for anyone but yourself, cos it knackers your self-esteem" I know this! I'm not recommending it! I'm asking about folks past experience and how they felt about it... Cos it'd be nice to know if I'm not the *only* one!


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## ESPN Cutie (Jul 13, 2009)

*No, not changed, but I work out and watch my daily calorie intake so that I can maintain my current size (5'3'', 120 lbs). 

I admit that one of my main motivations to do this is that most guys I date like that I'm petite, so part of me does all the counting calories and running to stay in shape for them. Thus, while I have never changed my body for someone else, I work hard to maintain my weight and improve my body for the guys I date.

I will also admit that I would be more likely to lose weight for a guy than gain it. I would never gain weight to be desirable to soemone else because I know that I would be miserable weighing more than 125-130 lbs. But that's just me.*


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## tonynyc (Jul 13, 2009)

*Great thread Joswitch: :bow:

I thought that I would respond as a FA that is also a BHM that enjoys lifting weights. It's always interesting to see how two very different groups can hookup. 

Sometimes a BBW would question how could someone in the "Bodybuilding/Weightlifting" sub-culture love someone of size? Of course you have the other questions that Women (regardless of size) would ask -

"Why the hell would anybody want to do that or look like that"....

Well, to me... I love the contrast between Muscle and Soft Big Curves (that is hot and sexy to me).... :wubu: :wubu: :wubu:

I haven't had to change my body type with hopes of getting involved with someone. I'm average height 5'10" & 260lbs. I enjoy weightlifting and the physical/health benefits. I'm either somebody's cup of tea  or I'm not.   

I can say that I have been "extremely lucky" , "very fortunate" to meet BBW/SSBBW that were willing to give me a chance and appreciate the (Bodybuilding/Weightlifting/Power lifter) type of physique. 

I am the 1st to admit that I was lucky to find that rare combination in Debra. She enjoys reading about bodybuilding/weightlifting as much as I do. The best part is that day that we get her to workout. 

It's tough to find such a great combo-but, the ever elusive "Weightlifting/Bodybuilding loving BBW" are here and worth the search.. *

*At the end of the day - you have to be Happy with you Vascular Forearms and all ... *







*Unfortunately...I wasn't blessed with "Vascular" Forearms *


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## Mini (Jul 14, 2009)

I shaved, once. Does that count?


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## Desperate4Attention (Jul 14, 2009)

I gained fifty pounds because I wanted a girl to think I was sexy. It worked. But then she got a boyfriend and I'm still REALLY fat.


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## bdog (Jul 14, 2009)

Hmm..

I've been making an added effort to stay fairly lean and athletic for my current lady since she likes my body like that. Also, no long hair or beards. She doesn't like 'em, and upon seeing old pictures of me (with a beard) she said she wouldn't have dated that guy.

On one level I like my body when I'm in shape... on another level it'd be nice if she were a little more unconditional about it. I also recognize that statement is more than a little hypocritical as I'd be unhappy if she lost a significant amount of weight. C'est la vie.


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## Cors (Jul 14, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> Well, to me... I love the contrast between Muscle and _Soft Big Curves _(that is hot and sexy to me).... :wubu: :wubu: :wubu:



So true Tony! Nothing like contrast to bring out the fat. :wubu:

I have a supposedly popular body type (5'5", naturally 90-105lbs, busty) but everyone I have dated actually wanted me to be bigger. A couple of them didn't actively encourage me to gain but their preference is obvious (drooling at curvier women, making jokes about my body and recoiling in disgust when they see visible bones). 

I am generally confident but knowing the person I am with merely tolerates my body makes me insecure, especially if it is something I can change without too much effort, so I usually try to keep my weight on the higher spectrum to keep them happy. However, I also see it as me doing them a favour so I expect them to be extremely accomodating when it comes to quality food (I am a picky eater with a small appetite and refuse to binge on junk just for the calories), the extra cost (weight maintainence gets costly), weight drops (I get sick frequently and often end up losing the hard-earned pounds) and random outbursts. No matter how much I like that person, it is unrealistic and unreasonable to expect me to gain more than my upper limit. Just too much effort and stress - I got pressured into it twice and that was horrible. 

Now that I am older and a little wiser, I will only consider changing my body for a person I am committed to and more importantly, willing to accept me at my current size. I don't think I can ever satisfy someone who thinks my body type is disgusting so there is really no point trying. 

I refuse to give up on exercise though (and admire you guys who could) as it would be taking my main outlet and hobby away which is unfair, not to mention how I am extremely restless and irritable without. I also will not stop wearing heels or get cosmetic surgery (I had an ex who tried to talk me into double eyelid surgery, rhinoplasty, butt implants and tattoo removal - eeek).


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## Melian (Jul 14, 2009)

I haven't really "changed" so much....more like "maintained" for my husband. I'm very thin but, as we age we tend to gain a bit - I've made sure to avoid doing that, because he prefers women who are very thin. He also likes shorter hair and was pleased when I cut mine to chin-length (which I tend to do every few years), so I've been keeping it that way for him, too. And I guess you could count the fact that I stay clean shaven as more maintenance-type stuff (although I've been this way since I first hit puberty....there are times where I could get lazy and not bother, but I don't do this for his benefit).

Like Cors, though, I wouldn't do anything drastic. However, I know he would never ask. :happy:


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## Tau (Jul 14, 2009)

joswitch said:


> ...had expressed a turn-off re. the veiny forearms, which I, like a lot of blokes who workout and/or do physical work, had...



She didn't like veiny arms!!!!! I ADORE and have dirty, nasty, perverted thoughts about veiny arms constantly :smitten:


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## steve-aka (Jul 15, 2009)

Mini said:


> I shaved, once. Does that count?



You shaved only once? You must have this super-long badass ZZ Top wizard's beard by now. Unless it was, like, only recently that you shaved. Or you just entered puberty last week. Or sumthin'...


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## mediaboy (Jul 15, 2009)

My right arm is massive.

Does this count, guys?


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## bmann0413 (Jul 19, 2009)

I tried changing for this girl I went to Louisiana Tech with. But in the end I realized that she wouldn't like me anyways. She was into the gangsta, bad boy type.


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## rabbitislove (Jul 20, 2009)

Im more with the other slim FFAs on this board. I like staying in shape. I want to go through yoga teacher training once I get enough dough scraped together, so I normally try to do 1/2 hour - 1 hr 4-5 days a week, plus biking. I love being physical (hah) and have lots of energy. Plus I like the way my body looks, but I also keep slim because I enjoy the size contrast when Im with a BHM


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## OneHauteMama (Jul 21, 2009)

I colored my hair and I grew it out...that's about the extent of it. Now that I'm single, I refuse to change things about myself just to please someone else. I am me, I look the way I look. Don't like it? Don't look! So I chopped my hair, colored it to suit myself, and I dress the way I want.


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## Littleghost (Jul 22, 2009)

Mini said:


> I shaved, once. Does that count?



So does the small hunting/gathering community in your beard know of the outside world yet?


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## escapist (Jul 22, 2009)

OneHauteMama said:


> I colored my hair and I grew it out...that's about the extent of it. Now that I'm single, I refuse to change things about myself just to please someone else. I am me, I look the way I look. Don't like it? Don't look! So I chopped my hair, colored it to suit myself, and I dress the way I want.



I'm just curious to see what happens when you find someone again who really just hits your buzzer and you can not resist thinking about him. I think the reality is women are more adaptable than men so they do it with full knowledge it can draw them closer to the one they are into. Not exactly a bad thing. I don't see trying new things for someone you care about as a negative. I only see compromising your values and beliefs for them as a true sign of danger and a lack of self-love.

--------------
And to answer the man topic. Sure I tried growing my hair out for "Chicken Legs". I know she liked it but I just couldn't take it...I am gonna try it again as soon as it starts to cool off again, and give it a second chance. (Its not like we are talking about changing my political views or anything).


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## Tad (Jul 22, 2009)

No and yes. Probably more no, but it is kind of hard to say. I was a fairly typical guy in my single days, and tried to have my hair in current styles, and I did some time in gyms and exercise classes trying to keep my weight down in hopes that it would make me more attractive to the fairer gender. I dont think that really counts, though?

When I met my now wife it all started off pretty casually, so I wasnt doing anything special to impress her. It rapidly escalated, but she seemed to like me the way I was (else why were things getting so intense?) so I didnt see any particular need to make changes. Over the years as we became a long established couple I learned some of her likes and dislikes, and this certainly played a role in some of the decisions Ive made. Not so much doing a particular thing just to please her, but looking at pros and cons and weighing her opinion fairly heavily in that balance. Ive probably more not made changes so as not to not appeal to her. That is, she isnt really an FA herself, so Ive kept trying to keep my weight down to some reasonable extent, for the most part. Not that Im very good at that, but were she an FA Im sure Id be a fair bit fatter.


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## OneHauteMama (Jul 23, 2009)

escapist said:


> I'm just curious to see what happens when you find someone again who really just hits your buzzer and you can not resist thinking about him. I think the reality is women are more adaptable than men so they do it with full knowledge it can draw them closer to the one they are into. Not exactly a bad thing. I don't see trying new things for someone you care about as a negative. I only see compromising your values and beliefs for them as a true sign of danger and a lack of self-love.



While there isn't anything really "wrong" with changing simple things because your partner likes them, for me personally it's the first step to losing myself altogether. I've been down that road. I completely lost who I was in order to please the person I was with and spent YEARS in misery...and it all started with just a little change...doing something for him that I normally would not have done...something I actually swore I'd _never _do again...but I did it for him. And I learned my lesson. A small change can mean BIG things if it ends up making you lose yourself...even if it's something so simple.

And, as for someone really hitting my buzzer and not being able to stop thinking about him...it hasn't happened in a long time. And I honestly doubt it will at this point.


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## escapist (Jul 23, 2009)

OneHauteMama said:


> While there isn't anything really "wrong" with changing simple things because your partner likes them, for me personally it's the first step to losing myself altogether. I've been down that road. I completely lost who I was in order to please the person I was with and spent YEARS in misery...and it all started with just a little change...doing something for him that I normally would not have done...something I actually swore I'd _never _do again...but I did it for him. And I learned my lesson. A small change can mean BIG things if it ends up making you lose yourself...even if it's something so simple.
> 
> And, as for someone really hitting my buzzer and not being able to stop thinking about him...it hasn't happened in a long time. And I honestly doubt it will at this point.



Sounds like it was a painful experience, I love those, no really I do...when something really hurts you tend to learn the most. I personally discovered that I can enhance that learning by asking myself how can I best learn from my experience not just adapt my thinking patterns or behaviors because of my emotional reaction to the experience. 

As to your future all I can say is what other wiser men than me have said: "Whether You Think You Can or Can't, You're Right"--_Henry Ford_


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## anybodys (Jul 25, 2009)

the bhm i've been occasional f-buddies with has a preference for thin women... he's never actually said anything outright to me (we just know each other very well) but, while i'm not starving myself, i just put in a little more effort to maintain.


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## exile in thighville (Sep 1, 2009)

i've really let myself go for my partner and my health has suffered







diagnosed with morbid jewbesity from an early age..


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 1, 2009)

You look really jewish there. Like really.


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## bigmac (Sep 1, 2009)

I've been meaning to reply to this post for a while. Yes, I've changed my body to increase my desirability -- hell, I've been doing it most of my life. In grade school I was always the fattest kid in the class and was always chosen last for gym class teams (I was the only kid in first grade to weigh more than 100lbs and the only kid in sixth grade to weigh more than 200lbs). In high school I started working construction jobs every summer (not pesky work permits required in Canada) and started lifting weights in the basement. I went from about 5'9' and 240lbs in grade 8 to 6'1" and 185lbs in grade 10 (I even made the varsity wrestling team that year).

Unfortunately I stopped working out and by Christmas of my first year of college was up to about 260lbs (at 6'3"). And I should note that I was not a muscular 260lbs -- I didn't get many dates and was rather depressed. I spent most of the second semester in the gym, jogging, and at the swimming pool (The University of Alberta has nice athletic facilities). I failed most of my courses but got into the best shape of my life -- 6'3" and 185lbs.

I met my first significant other at an end of the school year party. She was interested in me on a purely physical level (I didn't get her name until the next morning). Having been sort of a social outcast in high school this kind of attention was new. We were together for almost 20 years on and off. Unfortunately, she didn't like it when I inevitably gained my weight back. By age 25 I was 6'4" and about 280lbs (I didn't stop growing until about 24). My S.O. started accusing me of tricking her into thinking I was thin person and most arguments ended with her calling me a fat loser. 

Over the years I lost and regained 40-60 pounds several times. Each time I lost weight my relationship with my S.O. improved. We finally broke up for good in 2002 (after I lost my six figure job in the wake of the dot.com bust). As a 320lb middle aged single father (the kids cramped my ex's new lifestyle) who had to go back to teaching high school to pay the bills I didn't exactly have girls breaking down the door.

In 2005 I got myself back into shape again -- loosing that same 60lbs yet again. At the 2005 Vegas Bash I hooked up with a tall pretty blonde the first night I was there. Again, I was chosen for purely physical reasons. She sent a friend over to tell me that she thought I was attractive. By 2007 I was back up to about 320lbs. It seems that a lot of the weight I gain and loose goes to and comes off my face -- so 60lbs changes my appearance quite a bit. At the 2007 Vegas Bash I couldn't get the time of day from the BBWs in attendance.

My experience has made me somewhat jaded as apparently most women's estimation of me is directly tied to my weight. Fortunately, I met someone who seems to think the larger version of me is attractive.


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