# Denouncing fat women in public but lusting after them in secret



## FatBarbieDoll (Jul 27, 2016)

Edit: The last word of the title should have been "secret". (Mod: Done.  )

Where to begin? I sometimes post pictures of myself on a Facebook BBW page and have recently gotten one man making not-so-nice comments. The cover photo clearly lets anyone who visits the page know it is for large women because it shows a photo of 4 very large ones in bikinis, so I doubt he mistook the term "BBW" to mean something else and landed on the page by accident, unless he really did not pay attention.

Maybe at least one of his pals "likes" and comments on the page's photos and he doesn't like that.

He even replied to a comment on one of my photos over 10 days after it was left and the woman who said it made her comment the day I posted the photo.

This man was being incredibly rude. I posted a photo of me in a bikini and he let his disgust be known (he himself appears to be ripped, assuming his profile photo is one of him).

I wonder why he bothers leaving nasty comments on a page designed for large women to share photos of themselves.

You see a very large woman in a bikini on a page that is clearly for men to look at large women and then leave cruel comments.

Though it is not likely, I can't help but wonder if he secretly is attracted to fatties but makes rude comments to try to suppress his "wrong" feelings or something like that.

At any rate, he is immature and his behavior says more about him than it does about me.

Do any of you know -- or did you used to know -- men who *publically* made fun of fat women but then found out they really liked us all along?


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## landshark (Jul 27, 2016)

This was me from my teens through ~24 or so years old. I am both regretful of the way I once treated fat women and thankful I outgrew that. 

I also think there are a some people who just have an ax to grind. Some people are just nasty and enjoy belittling people based on weight. There may not be a hidden or suppressed attraction like there was with me. It's a sad reality that some people just enjoy putting others down. I wonder if you looked at other pictures on that same FB page would you find other comments by the same guy? Or are there other people putting up nasty comments too? Of course the owner of the pic could easily delete comments if she doesn't like them. 

Sorry to hear you had some knuckle dragger comment the way he did. You are right: it makes him look small and immature.


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## agouderia (Jul 27, 2016)

The phenomenon of closeted FA's bashing fat women in public and lusting after them in privat definitely exists.

Whether it's the case with your internet troll is impossible to determine though.

The semi-secret to fully covert options the internet offers for hate & bashing unfortunately bring out the worst in people.
Excessive fat bashing - far worse than in real life - is one of them. 

But it also applies to all sorts of other forms of hate and abuse down to extreme reactions and opinions where it's actually difficult to follow - from the perspective of a 'normal' person - what the reason for all that bile actually is.


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## FatBarbieDoll (Jul 27, 2016)

happily_married said:


> This was me from my teens through ~24 or so years old. I am both regretful of the way I once treated fat women and thankful I outgrew that.
> 
> I also think there are a some people who just have an ax to grind. Some people are just nasty and enjoy belittling people based on weight. There may not be a hidden or suppressed attraction like there was with me. It's a sad reality that some people just enjoy putting others down. I wonder if you looked at other pictures on that same FB page would you find other comments by the same guy? Or are there other people putting up nasty comments too? Of course the owner of the pic could easily delete comments if she doesn't like them.
> 
> Sorry to hear you had some knuckle dragger comment the way he did. You are right: it makes him look small and immature.



I remember your story but wonder if you are merely the exception to the rule. Thus far I have not seen this man make any comments on the photos of other women, but maybe I missed them, though I have looked at some and seen nothing. The 2 he has commented on show me in a bikini and a tight, knee-length dress.


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## FatBarbieDoll (Jul 27, 2016)

happily_married said:


> This was me from my teens through ~24 or so years old. I am both regretful of the way I once treated fat women and thankful I outgrew that.
> 
> I also think there are a some people who just have an ax to grind. Some people are just nasty and enjoy belittling people based on weight. There may not be a hidden or suppressed attraction like there was with me. It's a sad reality that some people just enjoy putting others down. I wonder if you looked at other pictures on that same FB page would you find other comments by the same guy? Or are there other people putting up nasty comments too? Of course the owner of the pic could easily delete comments if she doesn't like them.
> 
> Sorry to hear you had some knuckle dragger comment the way he did. You are right: it makes him look small and immature.



Also, how did you refer to fatties? Did you use words like "disgusting", "stink", etc? Did you dehumanize them (us)?


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## landshark (Jul 27, 2016)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> Also, how did you refer to fatties? Did you use words like "disgusting", "stink", etc? Did you dehumanize them (us)?



In high school I piled on with others who made fun of bigger girls. I also once told a girl who shared she had a crush on me that I didn't want to date her because she was fat. She was crushed. In my early 20s I dated a woman who was ruthless toward fat women and I sometimes joined in with her. That was a survival mechanism because if I wasn't as vociferous as she was in making fun of a fat woman she would get mad at me. Not an excuse, just a reflection of how much growing up I needed to do. So I was no angel, though I doubt I was as bad as a lot of others.


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## FatBarbieDoll (Jul 27, 2016)

Why was she so hateful? I am guessing it was self-hatred projected onto others.


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## landshark (Jul 27, 2016)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> Why was she so hateful? I am guessing it was self-hatred projected onto others.



Honestly it's hard to get in her head. She seemed to be her own worst enemy in so many areas but it's been years since she and I split up (thankfully) and that far removed it's hard to accurately guess at what specifically her motivations were.


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 27, 2016)

There's much I can say to this but basically, it's power. People feel powerless in their lives: maybe judged and shat upon over other little things that would be meaningless to most people. They need to find someone to stand taller than so they self-validate. Almost every shitty bully I know is like that. If you ask them when was the last time they ever won an award or a genuine compliment that wasn't designed to get casual sex you'd knock their legs right out. I wouldn't recommend that, people like that are deeply sad and you don't want to be like them. It's not you though, it's twisted jealousy. The best thing you could do is post more photos smiling and killing like you don't even see them there. I assure you they will go away when they realize they have no power. (or he'll email you his phone number)


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## Blockierer (Jul 27, 2016)

In my experience, the more you openly show off your fat body the less you will be bothered by small-minded folks. The same rule is valid for (F)FAs, show off you'r attracted to fat people.


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## squeezablysoft (Jul 27, 2016)

*Kind of like how the noisiest homophobes often turn out to be closeted themselves. I've always tried to only say kind things to ppl, but I have some similar experiences with myself. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I am a bit gender-fluid. I remember when I was a kid the Annie Hall look was in at my school, I was at the mall with a friend and she picks up this outfit with suspenders and a tie and goes "This would be so cute on you!" And I said "No way I'm wearing that, I'd look like a boy!" I ended up not only buying that outfit but also buying a duplicate in the next size up from the size I wore at the time. What I couldn't buy was words to describe how I felt wearing it or an explanation for why I was so quick to say "My friend made me get this" whenever anyone complimented me for it. And I always had mixed feels about my own fat, enjoying it and wanting to be bigger personally but also hating it because thin was in and I wanted other ppl to like me and find me attractive.*


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## FatBarbieDoll (Jul 28, 2016)

LillyBBBW said:


> There's much I can say to this but basically, it's power. People feel powerless in their lives: maybe judged and shat upon over other little things that would be meaningless to most people. They need to find someone to stand taller than so they self-validate. Almost every shitty bully I know is like that. If you ask them when was the last time they ever won an award or a genuine compliment that wasn't designed to get casual sex you'd knock their legs right out. I wouldn't recommend that, people like that are deeply sad and you don't want to be like them. It's not you though, it's twisted jealousy. The best thing you could do is post more photos smiling and killing like you don't even see them there. I assure you they will go away when they realize they have no power. (or he'll email you his phone number)



Interesting theory. I actually blocked him because I don't need that crap. A quote that relates to his behavior is: "When you have an intact, healthy sense of worth, you value other people. You know who you are, which means you can accept others as they are. When you are not sure that who you are is good enough, you will do your darndest to prove that you are better than someone else."

-Iyanla Vanzant


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