# Social acceptance as an FA..



## The Fez (May 24, 2008)

(first thread, woo!)

so yeah, was just wondering how those FA's out there deal with it as far as being 'found out' by friends, or what friends think of it and the like. I'm young so as you can imagine it's harder to get by without being abused about being an FA, so I tend to hide it.. or completly cover it up. Anybody have a similar problem in social groups?

and am I in the right forum for this?


----------



## Wagimawr (May 24, 2008)

It's not a new topic here, and as has been mentioned before, it's important to remember that "being abused" for being a FA is not the same as "being abused" for being fat; one is easily disguised, one not so much.

Simple answer: don't hide it. It's not worth the effort it takes to pretend to be attracted to a body shape that you're not attracted to, and I doubt most people care what kind of woman (I'm assuming you're straight) you're into; those that would REALLY aren't worth your time, and those that would literally *abuse* you for it need to be locked away for a long time, no matter what your preference may be.


----------



## The Fez (May 24, 2008)

heh, yeah I was going to say I'm sure this has been beaten to death

still, I'd say easier said than done at my age, people can be pretty cruel about preferences and such if it's considered a bit 'quirky'. It's difficult, to say the least.. or maybe it's just people I know that are douche's about it :/


----------



## Wagimawr (May 24, 2008)

Probably people you know; the UK doesn't have a good track record regarding fat people and/or their admirers.

I've never gotten a problem with it, really, but that's just me - kick some ass about it if you have to.


----------



## The Fez (May 24, 2008)

hopefully I won't have as much of a problem when I move to the US then 

but like I say, university students aren't as understanding.. maybe I'll be a bit more open about it when I'm in the working world


----------



## Wagimawr (May 24, 2008)

There's no rule you have to wear a sign saying "I like fat girls", either; just like who you like without feeling the need to tell anybody, and if they ask, then feel free to volunteer either a "yeah, I like bigger girls, what of it?" or a "I don't see how that's any of your business".

You can do so much just by being a bigger person than anybody else who'd put down somebody purely based on their weight (or [insert other factor here]), speaking up against bigotry when you see it, and just doing what you damn well please regardless of "social acceptance".


----------



## pudgy (May 25, 2008)

As a college student, I am very open about my ideas on beauty and the fact that all women - including (especially?) fat ones - have the potential for it. My closest guy friends razz me a bit, but are fine with it. Guys that I am acquaintances with have never mentioned it. Girls that I know well love it. Girls that I know not that well love it.

I think that I would have to essentially disagree with you. The thing about our generation, Fez, at least in the U.S., is that they are more open-minded than just about any other generation before us. Though there is danger in kicking off and away the old system, there is hope in it as well. We may lose some things of value (such as the belief in absolute truth) we may gain some things of value as well (such as the humility to admit that we don't have all of absolute truth).

People are more prone to believe in and follow those who are bold, proud (in the good sense), and unapologetic. Love fat girls...and love the fact that you love them. No, you don't need to be brash, proud (in the bad sense), and holier-than-thou. But you should state your thoughts and your beliefs. It will make you feel better about yourself; it will help girls around you feel better about themselves; and you may just earn the respect of your (intelligent) peers.

Those who sneer, let them sneer. No one likes them anyway.


----------



## angel-1 (May 25, 2008)

pudgy said:


> As a college student, I am very open about my ideas on beauty and the fact that all women - including (especially?) fat ones - have the potential for it. My closest guy friends razz me a bit, but are fine with it. Guys that I am acquaintances with have never mentioned it. Girls that I know well love it. Girls that I know not that well love it.
> 
> I think that I would have to essentially disagree with you. The thing about our generation, Fez, at least in the U.S., is that they are more open-minded than just about any other generation before us. Though there is danger in kicking off and away the old system, there is hope in it as well. We may lose some things of value (such as the belief in absolute truth) we may gain some things of value as well (such as the humility to admit that we don't have all of absolute truth).
> 
> ...



Well said.


----------



## Fat Brian (May 25, 2008)

When someone says anything to you don't act guilty, like you've been caught doing something wrong. Confidence in your reply will greatly effect the situation, so will an appropriate amount of PDA when out with a girlfriend. I see too many guys who will be very affectionate when no one is around but then shut down in front of their friends, a little hand holding and the like will answer questions before they are asked.


----------



## Jazz Man (May 25, 2008)

I'd say this is on the same tier as religion or sexual preference. Not something I advertise but if asked, I'll answer truthfully. Or if someone says something derogatory about fat girls during casual conversation, I might say something to the effect of "don't knock it till you've tried it." 

I really don't worry about being "discovered." Look at it this way: guys who prefer thin girls shouldn't be intimidated by your preference at all because they wouldn't see you as competition. I've always considered my attraction to what society sees as imperfections a blessing. I was spared the headaches of chasing after supermodel types and competing with so many. That's not to say I haven't had any competition but let's be honest here. This is a road less traveled.


----------



## stefanie (May 25, 2008)

That's right - if you act like you're doing something wrong, people are going to treat you likewise.


----------



## The Fez (May 25, 2008)

I don't advertise it, just had comments regarding girls I've been out with. I guess I have some friends a bit more malicious than the norm.


----------



## olwen (May 25, 2008)

Freestyle Fez, from the perspective of the bbw, it's extremely good when an FA is able to stand up for what he adores and believes in, and doesn't take any shit over it. You will get more respect for that from everyone, even from the people who give you shit about it. Unfortunately the negative stuff comes with the territory. Hopefully you learn to deal with it in a way that is postive and bolsters your confidence and gives you self-respect rather than the alternative. If you settle for the alternative, it will be harder to deal with as you get older.

You are at the point now where all the bs will either make you or break you. So you choose. Will you let it make you or break you?


----------



## BeaBea (May 25, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> I don't advertise it, just had comments regarding girls I've been out with. I guess I have some friends a bit more malicious than the norm.



Would you expect your friends to take it if you criticised the women they were with for being ugly/stupid/tall/short/thin? I'm sure they would tell you to mind your own damn business and ignore you - you're going to have to grow a backbone and do the same.

Apologies if that sounds harsh but your friends, and people in general, will treat you as badly as you let them. They will make comments and be malicious to the extent that you let them get away with it. You just need to make it clear that this is your preference and their comments are not welcome. The sooner you do it the easier it will be.

Tracey


----------



## Paquito (May 25, 2008)

As long as you are confident in your preferences when they come into question, everything should be fine. No need to advertise it, but make sure to have pride in it. After all, we must have pride on how we feel if we hope to make a change in the world's perception of beauty.


----------



## Paquito (May 25, 2008)

Ignore - double post


----------



## stan_der_man (May 25, 2008)

Freestyle Fez, what you are describing is something that most FAs have to deal with (to varying degrees) sooner or later. Until fat acceptance becomes more accepted, and the concept of fat admiration better understood, this type of negative attitude toward fat people and FAs will exist.

The best thing you can do is try to maintain good relationships with your friends and family as one normally would, set a good example with how you act and show the others around you that the women you date are wonderful and interesting people who just happen to be fat. Sooner or later you will get the respect you seem to be looking for, or at very least the people around you will get so used to the sight of you with a fat woman that they'll eventually get tired of razzing you. I've been there, trust me... in due time it gets better.


----------



## Chimpi (May 26, 2008)

Some people find it easy to "come forward" with the information (of being a "Fat Admirer"). Others do not. You're certainly not alone, and you most certainly will not be the last. It will take you however you decide to let it take to be comfortable enough with it to "let your friends find out", or your family, or whomever.

- It's not wrong -

But, it's much easier to let it be a part of you, rather than hiding who you are. That can get tiresome, old, and repetitive. Besides, how good of a friend will chastise and emotionally/verbally abuse you to death due to your preference/orientation? If you're going to be put in the spotlight because of it, maybe you should rethink how excellent of a friend they are. No? Same goes with family to some extent, but we've found over time that many "Fat Admirers" have a truly difficult time admitting it to family members.
*Shrugs* It's different for everyone. Eventually, you'll 'come out of the closet', in your own mind. That's when it'll come out.


----------



## SocialbFly (May 26, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> I don't advertise it, just had comments regarding girls I've been out with. I guess I have some friends a bit more malicious than the norm.



then, my question to you is easy...are they really your friend??


----------



## SocialbFly (May 26, 2008)

Not to start a whole issue on the boards again, but i simply dont get it...when i was younger, it was soooo against the grain with my friends to date out of my race, i didnt care then, i dont care now...why is it so difficult to say this is who i like?? i am so tired of the whole closet thing, and honestly, i am tired of having to wait to see if the guy i date is in the closet or not. I like to quote that line about Jennifer grey in Dirty Dancing..."no one puts Baby in the corner" or in my case, the closet...i have dealt for years with men who were more than happy to see me late at night when none of their friends were around...but good god, in the daytime, in front of other people, it wouldnt happen...(and that is why i have such strong feelings about it)

i know this is an issue we have talked about over and over, and i am sure for some more timid people this can be an issue...but i simply dont have a ton of sympathy for someone who can't live the life they choose...at some point YOU have the responsability to make yourself happy, no one else...and if fat people make you happy, then so be it, if green people make you happy, then so be it...

The world would be a lot happier if we all weren't so bloody judgemental.

And I am much happier with a man secure enough in himself to date me in the open, people be damned, you know, society will ALWAYS pick the easiest thing to see to give you crap about...you have a huge nose...slam...you have bad skin/teeth/hair/no hair yada yada society will slam you for it...like fat people, get ready slam again...it is the way it is...doesnt make it right it just is...some people give ya trouble for liking (insert adjective here) but again, it is up to you to make it ok or not...


----------



## Blockierer (May 26, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> (first thread, woo!)
> 
> so yeah, was just wondering how those FA's out there deal with it as far as being 'found out' by friends, or what friends think of it and the like. ...



Your friends will say: Freestyle Fez has a fat girl friend, or he likes fat chicks.
What else??????????


----------



## TallFatSue (May 26, 2008)

When I was actively dating, the only remark I hated more than "you'd be just perfect for me, if only you lost 100lb" was "you'd be just perfect for me, but what would my friends think?" Fine. Go date your friends and don't waste my time. 

If you think an FA has it bad in terms of social acceptance, pity the poor non-FA, the bloke who had never dated a fat girl before, and then fell madly in love with the fattest girl he ever met! What would his friends say? Purely for the sake of argument, let's call him "Art", assume that he eventually became my husband and that our 26th anniversary is later this week. :smitten:

Idiot A: "I didn't know you liked fat girls."
Art: "Sure. Why not?"
Idiot A: "Because she's so -- you know -- fat!"
Art: "You have an impressive grasp of the obvious. Yes, fat girls usually are fat."

Idiot B: "What can you possibly see in Sue? She's so fat!"
Art: "You tell me. What do you look for in a woman, or doesn't it matter as long as she's not fat?"

Sounds to me that if you have a so-called friend who confronts you about dating a fat girl, it's time to give him the old heave-ho. Abraham Lincoln said something like, "stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong."

Anyway, my husband ignored his friends' comments (which stopped amazingly quickly when they saw he was serious), and now what does he have to show for it? 26 years of happy marriage, that's what. He didn't like fat women when we first met, but he sure does now!


----------



## revolutionman (May 26, 2008)

Regular guys catch hell for dating different sorts of chicks all the time. We used to bust my friends balls for dating a pretty Italian girl that was also pretty hairy. She had a noticable moustache. Or the guy who dates the tall girl or the Plain Jane or the butter head chick, some times it even crosses over into race and religion, style, musical tastes, or additude. You can't tell me you've never given a friend sht for dating a snotty btch. It happens, but if you really like the chick, then you man up, take the shit, give it back to them if you want, and be happy with your girlfriend. if they bust you too much or too harshly, you tell them to fk off, because real friends wouldn't be actively trying to hurt you and your girl.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (May 26, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> (first thread, woo!)
> 
> so yeah, was just wondering how those FA's out there deal with it as far as being 'found out' by friends, or what friends think of it and the like. I'm young so as you can imagine it's harder to get by without being abused about being an FA, so I tend to hide it.. or completly cover it up. Anybody have a similar problem in social groups?
> 
> and am I in the right forum for this?


I've posted my story before, but I'm posting it again for the benefit of those who never heard it before.

I first realized I was an FA in December of 1962, a few weeks after my tenth birthday. I was in the Fourth Grade Chorus, and we were practicing Christmas carols. I noticed that the girl standing in front of me was different than the other girls. She had hips - she had a shape - her body didn't go straight up and down like the other girls. I wasn't sure what I was feeling, but I knew I liked that feeling.

Over the next few years, I got to know that girl who was in front of me that day, and in Sixth Grade we wound up in the same class. And when the other kids in the class realized our secret - that the skinniest boy (me) and one of the largest girls liked each other - we were both subjected to the most horrible social abuse that a group of 12-year-olds could heap on two of their own. It eventually drove us apart, although we remained friends until she moved away three years later. 

After the hell I went through in Sixth Grade, I went through a phase I refer to now as "preference denial". All through junior high and high school, I hid my preference for fat girls - I even dated a thin girl throughout high school - and all the time I was miserable. I saw lots of fat girls I wanted to know better, but my fear of what others would think held me back. 

Finally, I decided that enough was enough. When I was 19, I told myself that my happiness was more important than what anyone else thought. And from that day in 1972 until today, every woman who has been part of my life has been a BBW. They've been all different sizes (180 pounds to 500), but BBWs one and all.

The person who seemed to have the biggest problem with my preference was my father. He didn't see why I was attracted to larger women - but then again, he never understood why his brother married a BBW, either. I remember telling him once that it was a preference - just like how some men prefer blondes, and others prefer women with long legs. And I didn't want him to understand it - just to accept it. After that, it was like a wall of separation was lifted between us, and the two of us were closer during the last ten years of his life than we ever were before.

I'll admit it's not easy being an FA in today's thin-obsessed society. It's not as hard as being a BBW or a BHM, but society seems to like conformity and FAs are nonconformity personified. But I've never regretted the decision I made back in 1972 to live my life as an FA. Because that decision eventually led me to Sandie, and earlier this year we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary.

So if you're an FA, embrace it. Your family and friends may mean well by what they say, but only another FA can truly understand and appreciate the special attraction a BBW holds for us FAs. And keep searching until you find the BBW of your dreams. When you do, spend a lifetime making each other happy.

:bow:


----------



## PolarKat (May 26, 2008)

While I wouldn't qualify as an FA as compared to most of you, I have been ragged on by friends for dating BBW's, and as revolutonman mentioned you pretty much get ragged on for anything. I even got ragged on for skinny, and hairy.. 
I never really cared much about the ragging, in the end I would just look at them and repeat "You're just jealous".. 'cuz they were.. it's as simple as that..


----------



## irish_redhead (May 28, 2008)

I think the most important thing to consider with regards to all of this (and there have been some great points made, such as "why should you care what your friends think") is what makes YOU happy?

Being an FA may be difficult at times. Feeling the need to explain your preference may be frustrating. But the bottom line is that you shouldn't live your life with regrets. 

5 years down the road, will you regret hiding your preference from your friends, and not being with women who make you happy? Probably. 

At the same time - if you're happy dating BBWs and being open about it, will you regret doing so? Unlikely... because you're being true to yourself, and no amount of razzing or lack of understanding from your "friends" is going to change the fact that you like fat girls, and you may as well enjoy their company. 

I dated my first FA when I was in grade 5. I didn't know such things existed (the label, that is), and I didn't think anything was different about him or I. He certainly wasn't made fun of, or wasn't unpopular, because he liked chubby girls. If the guys in our school made any comments about "Why?" he usually just responded with a wink and said nothing. The comments stopped. 

Of course, the relationship didn't last. We were kids (and while kids today tend to be a LOT more sexualized) we experimented and broke up and remained friends - no harm, no foul. Over the next 2 years he dated 2 other girls at school - both of them chubby, both of them made him happy... unfortunately for him, he dated both of them at the same time. :doh: He had relationships for months, and a lot of fun times, while the other guys in class all sat around playing old school video games together and complaining about girls not liking them. 

A few years later - in grade 10 - I knew a guy in my class who was a very nice guy... a little shy, but part of the "in crowd" at school (I think he was actually in grade 12, but we had some classes together). We used to talk and joke around, and he seemed - intrigued? by me... I figured he thought I was weird -LOL. I was dating an older man (no one at school knew, besides my best friend), and went out a few times on double dates (with guys I wasn't interested in, who weren't interested in me.:doh with friends... but this one guy never ever ever made any indication he was interested at all... outside of some creepy staring incidents. 

Jump ahead 17 some years and I happened to trip across his profile online. Discovered he's seeking a BBW, is actively involved in some local events and groups in the city we lived in, and is quite the FA. 

I never knew... which was too bad, because we could have had some fun times. But he never let anyone know at that age, and spent a lot of lonely nights and weekends because of it. 

And, of course, most of those guys who weren't interested in us chubby girls, are now married to larger women! And most of the thin, pretty preppy girls they dated? They're still single or divorced and are starting very much to look their age (except they're trying to wear the same clothes, hairstyles and pounds of makeup that they did back then). 

Bottom line - don't sacrifice long term happiness or contentment because you're worried about small minded opinions in the short term. You don't have to change their minds, you don't have to justify your preference. And if you're concerned about admitting it - you don't even have to do that. If your "friends" have issues with you dating a fat woman, just shrug and say that SHE makes you happy. Fat or thin, a lot of women would rather not be appreciated _because of _or in _spite of _their size, but rather they'd like to know it's the _person they are _that you enjoy.


----------



## Leonard (May 30, 2008)

Here’s an idea: date a hot fat girl.

Now I’m not talkin’ a kinda chubby, pretty girl. I’m talkin a seriously heavy honey on the excessively foxy side. See, the problem with most non-FA guys is they can’t understand where we’re coming from. The images that come to mind when they hear “fat girl” are very different from ours. When they think fat they think ugly, which means that from their perspective you’re intentionally going after unattractive women which is just _hilarious_. So what you’ve got to do is date a girl who’ll show them what you talkin’ &#8216;bout, Willis. In order to get through to them though, your lady’s got to be super hot and super fat, like Helen except maybe instead of sinking a thousand ships she ate them; assuming they were made of something edible like chocolate cake or ice cream. Actually, an ice cream ship would probably work &#8216;cause ice cream floats, right?

But I digress. When your friends see you with your arms around that supremely hefty hottie it’ll hit &#8216;em like a ton of ice cream bricks. They’ll say, “Wait a minute, Fez doesn’t like _ugly_ girls, he likes _hot_ girls who are also _fat_.” I’m not saying you’re going to convert any of them, but I predict they’ll at least start respecting your preferences and quit the ribbing.

But what’s that you say? You can’t find any smokin’ hot fat ladies to date? Then do what I did: Show them your fat girl porn. Favorite web sites, couple magazines you got stashed away, that sort of thing. One night in high school a few of my friends asked to see mine. I was hesitant, thinking they were just going to ridicule the young ladies I had grown to love and masturbate to over the years. Eventually convinced that they were genuinely curious about the kind of girls I get off to, I consented. I showed them a few of my favorite models and things really turned around. They could see why I would find these girls attractive. One of them even exclaimed, “Heck, I’d tap that!” It was a very classy evening. 

So go and find yourself a fat, sexy girlfriend. Even if it doesn’t stop the ribbing, so what? You’ll have fat, sexy girlfriend! Digs from your pals will be the least of your cares.

All aboard the S.S. Ben & Jerry!


----------



## Tooz (May 30, 2008)

Also, it's not like the fatties can hide their fat, so I really can't sympathize that much.


----------



## Canadian (May 30, 2008)

I was in the same spot a while back. Been in a "popular" crowd through high school and university, and truthfully to this day I don't have a single friend whose dating a girl who would even be remotely full figured. I had friends that could be "ruthless" with their teasing too.

You won't be able to change the fact that it will be weird to some people. You also can't change your preference. I don't think anyone can give you any real advice how to handle the situation.

Personally, I hooked up with a couple bigger girls while drinking, and laughed off the teasing. Then I dated a couple slightly-bigger-than-thin girls, and explained to my friends that I liked the extra curves. More teasing, more laughing off. Eventually I was confident enough in it that I was dating girls that had bodies I considered truly ideal. 

And here I am today, dating girls that according to my preferences, are supermodels. It isn't that bad a life, I promise you that.


----------



## Waxwing (May 30, 2008)

Canadian said:


> And here I am today, dating girls that according to my preferences, are supermodels. It isn't that bad a life, I promise you that.


----------



## lostjacket (Jun 2, 2008)

Maturity was quite influential in me deciding that I was done with not enjoying my preference. If you are an adult you start to realize that no one really cares what you do...only that you show up to work on time and aren't a total jerk. Haha, it's amazing what a year in the real world will do for your perspective on life.


----------



## KendraLee (Jun 2, 2008)

So you've thought about yourself and you've thought about your friends and now I want you to think about the girl or girls that you like. You're getting teased for liking fat girls and the fat girls are being teased for being fat. They're probably self conscious about the way they look and could be lonely and wishing that there were some boy out there who would like her. Your that boy. Be who you are. And If you're going to be ridiculed you might as well be with someone who makes you happy. The happier you are the less the jack asses opinions will matter.


----------



## Ben from England (Jun 3, 2008)

Wagimawr said:


> Simple answer: don't hide it. It's not worth the effort it takes to pretend to be attracted to a body shape that you're not attracted to, and I doubt most people care what kind of woman (I'm assuming you're straight) you're into; those that would REALLY aren't worth your time, and those that would literally *abuse* you for it need to be locked away for a long time, no matter what your preference may be.



Might sound trite, but it's true. I think it all boils down to how you approach it as much as anything else. Just act like it's no big deal that fat girls are hot (cos really, is it that much of a stretch of the imagination that someone can be attracted to something different than someone else? for most people, in this day and age, I think not), and no one really makes a big deal out of it. Of course my friends and family joke around, but affectionately. Occasionally I have to be like 'Dude, not cool', but even on those occasions there's usually no real ill will behind the comments. A bit of retarded prejudice (that you'd do well to combat simply existing as an out there 'dude who likes fat girls'), but no real malice. 

I've been properly out of the closet about my FAness for a few years now, and super out of the closet since I was interviewed about it in a god damned national newspaper a few months ago (when I was hammered in a club no less), and, granted I am pretty awesome, but it's not a big deal. Embrace the inner FA, go to a BBW club or something. And I grew up less than 20 miles away from you, in Pompey, where in my experience (open) FAs are a rare breed, so get representing dude! 

Any help at all?


----------



## thatgirl08 (Jun 3, 2008)

Leonard said:


> Heres an idea: date a hot fat girl.
> 
> Now Im not talkin a kinda chubby, pretty girl. Im talkin a seriously heavy honey on the excessively foxy side. See, the problem with most non-FA guys is they cant understand where were coming from. The images that come to mind when they hear fat girl are very different from ours. When they think fat they think ugly, which means that from their perspective youre intentionally going after unattractive women which is just _hilarious_. So what youve got to do is date a girl wholl show them what you talkin bout, Willis. In order to get through to them though, your ladys got to be super hot and super fat, like Helen except maybe instead of sinking a thousand ships she ate them; assuming they were made of something edible like chocolate cake or ice cream. Actually, an ice cream ship would probably work cause ice cream floats, right?
> 
> ...



I loved this! Pretty much 

My best friends older sisters fiancee is an FA. He doesn't actually use the term FA, but he openly tells people he likes fat girls. I've seen his friends give him shit for it, but they're generally just kidding around. When it comes down to it, they may not completely understand his preference but they don't really care all that much. His preference in women doesn't really affect their friendship all that much. I mean, the chance of someone like seriously flipping out about it is well, pretty slim. 

It's not like you have to tell everyone you meet that you're an FA. It's not like you have to tell anyone at all. Just wait for it to come up in conversation. Like if your friends are talking about hot girls or something...I don't really know what guys talk about, hahah. But I'm assuming you talk about hot girls/sex sometimes. Why not just mention it casually then if you feel like they really need to know? And then let the conversation go from there. Or, start dating a fat girl. I'm sure it'll enter conversation then, and then you can tell your friends/family then. What I'm trying to say is like, I'm sure the conversation will happen eventually if you let it happen casually..I just don't really see the need in specifically telling them, like you're coming out of the closet or something.


----------



## The Fez (Jun 3, 2008)

Heh, I was born in pompey and grew up there for a while too.

While it's all appreciated, I think it's easy for you guys to say 'just man up and get yourself out there and stop caring as much' when you're subjectively looking at the topic from the other side of the wall. It's also probably easier if you've been in a community to which it's all completly normal, whereas with myself, I've only just joined dims.

Either way, I think it'll get better with time.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jun 3, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> Heh, I was born in pompey and grew up there for a while too.
> 
> While it's all appreciated, I think it's easy for you guys to say 'just man up and get yourself out there and stop caring as much' when you're subjectively looking at the topic from the other side of the wall. It's also probably easier if you've been in a community to which it's all completly normal, whereas with myself, I've only just joined dims.
> 
> Either way, I think it'll get better with time.



It's not too easy, I mean, really. While we have this community online and for as long as I've been here. I still don't have a friend in real life who shares my preference or can even begin to understand that. Just saying, the whole online thing is awesome, but sometimes it doesn't make the real life aspect any easier. I guess that is what some people are trying to say. I doubt it'll be too difficult for you though. You seem a decent fellow.


----------



## The Fez (Jun 3, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> It's not too easy, I mean, really. While we have this community online and for as long as I've been here. *I still don't have a friend in real life who shares my preference or can even begin to understand that*. Just saying, the whole online thing is awesome, but sometimes it doesn't make the real life aspect any easier. I guess that is what some people are trying to say. I doubt it'll be too difficult for you though. You seem a decent fellow.



I think this is something that makes it more difficult, for me at least.

And, yeah, I'm alright I guess


----------



## MisterGuy (Jun 3, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> Heh, I was born in pompey and grew up there for a while too.
> 
> While it's all appreciated, I think it's easy for you guys to say 'just man up and get yourself out there and stop caring as much' when you're subjectively looking at the topic from the other side of the wall. It's also probably easier if you've been in a community to which it's all completly normal, whereas with myself, I've only just joined dims.
> 
> Either way, I think it'll get better with time.



It's never "easy" going against society's grain, especially as concerns sexuality. I have two pieces of advice, though...

1) As has been previously mentioned, the absolute most effective defense against ridicule is preemption. I.e., if you get with a big girl and your friends are starting in on you, just say, "Yeah, she's big. I like that." There's very little mileage to be gotten out of ridiculing something a person isn't ashamed of.

2) I think this is something that just gets easier socially as you get older. By the time you're in your late 20s/early 30s, everyone's too busy with their lives to care who or what you like. And a lot of the gang-up thing that happens in one's teens and early 20s comes from the fundamental anxiety most people at that age have about their own sex lives.


----------



## Gingembre (Jun 3, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> I think it's easy for you guys to say 'just man up and get yourself out there and stop caring as much' when you're subjectively looking at the topic from the other side of the wall.



True, but in order to get on the other side of the wall, these other guys have have to climb over said wall. They know what you're going through coz they've all been there at some point.

Friends, particularly at our age (I'm 22 and about to finish uni) will rip the p*ss out of you for anything (like revolutionman said)....don't take it to heart. It's a standing joke among my friends that I only ever date foreign people (just the way it's worked out rather than a particular preference) and their comments get a tad close to the line at times. My friends arent xenophobic and they've never disliked people that I've actually dated...if i mention I've met someone I invariably get something like "does this one speak english?" or "who's after a visa this time" but i cut them off with a "just doing my bit for international relations" and a chuckle and that shuts them up. They're just teasing though, and if it upset me they'd stop....we make fun of another of our friends cuz her boyfriend dresses like a chav...there's always something! I knew when I started going out with my last couple of exes (male and female, although that's not really relevant) that their friends made of fun of them for digging fat chicks. One hadn't even told his friends that he liked fat girls and was nervous to introduce me to them (which terrified me when the time came!)...I could see some of them were a bit surprised he was going out with me, but after meeting them a couple of times, my size wasn't an issue - because they'd seen that I was an actual person who was nice and funny and frankly, just like any awesome (!) thin girl except there was more of me. It wasn't a big deal (no pun intended!).

On the other hand, I've also been the girl whose boyfriend was ashamed of her. We worked together and had a lot of the same friends. Although these "friends" were nice to me, they ribbed my boyfriend (never infront of me) because he was quite a player (not a cheater, just never single!) and I wasn't like the petite blondes he'd been out with before. I only went out with him for about 2 months because, although in private he was the loveliest guy ever, he was reluctant to go anywhere in public with me, and if we were all out for drinks with people from work, he would be on the other side of the bar and didn't acknowledge me at all...not even to say hello. It was only when he spoke to a mutual friend who told me, that I found out he found it difficult to be with me because of what his friends were saying....even though these same friends would chat to me in public when he wouldn't. 

I've gone really off track here, but I just wanted to make the point that if the people ribbing you are truly your friends, they're probably not intending to hurt you. My housemate makes fun of me for being ginger lots, but she's not being spiteful, just joking around...I laugh at her and her wedge-hair! I know you guys find it hard to talk about feelings (!) but just mentioning that you find their comments offensive might make them stop. But don't try and justify yourself and your preference - if you act like it's not an issue, then it's maybe less likely to be one? Admitting you like big girls in an appropriate part of general conversation is enough....there's no need to wear an "i am an FA t-shirt" or start a club or something.

Good luck with your soulsearching! Hope you find the confidence to be yourself soon! Personally I fretted for ages about coming out as bi in second year, especially coz I knew a couple of my friends are completely grossed out by it and don't agree with same sex couplings.....it was fine in the end. I haven't pointedly told everyone, but I dont shy away from it either. I dont think these things are ever as bad as they seem. Go find yourself a lovely fat chick, don't hide her away, and your friends will have to like it or lump it (and what kind of friends would they be if they fucked off over who you like to date? Hell, it's less competition for them with the skinny minnies if you're outta their game!)....do whatever makes you happy....don't waste your youth worrying that you can't date who you want. What a waste of your best years that would be!











PS......You're hot and I'm available


----------



## The Fez (Jun 3, 2008)

easy was a poor choice of wording, 'easier' maybe, but then that's my subjective opinion too:doh:

but thanks for the kind words


----------



## wrestlingguy (Jun 3, 2008)

I've gotten embroiled in a little battle on the boards of another website (that will remain nameless), and the OP started a thread about a YouTube Video titled "Would you date a fat chick?"

Check out what I felt the need to respond to........



> In real life, there are many, many reasons why it is in fact hard to have public relationships with fat chicks. For example, there is no way I could turn up to a corporate function with anything other than a skinny bimbo on my arm. If I arrived with a girl who was remotely chunky, my standing in the firm would go down, and I'd look like a loser. Now, that's a pretty terrible state of affairs, but that's the way it is. I work with an incredibly driven bunch of greedy bastards who are out to make as much as they can in a zero-sum business. My ability to get along with them is critical to my earning potential, and thus vital to my career. If they detect any sign of weakness, then I'm screwed. Given this, I have to play along and pretend that the skeleton look is one I find attractive in a woman. This pressure doesn't just come from the men on our desk. We don't employ many women, but those we do are all very attractive skinnies, because in our line of work you don't put a fat girl in front of a client and expect to get anywhere. Not surprisingly, these women are constantly making derisive comments about the imperceptible weight-gain of their female colleagues. They'd be utterly astounded if any of the guys they worked with preferred full-figured women, and would assume I was some kind of deviated pervert if they knew I was such a one.
> 
> So, it might be nice to suppose that I should "make a stand" and ignore these prejudices, but cold hard fact means it's impossible. It would be close to professional suicide on my part, and much as I like fat chicks, I like getting paid even more. That being the case, I have next to no choice but to hook up with the chubby girls on the side, and maintain a few artificial relationships with skinnies for the sake of my social status.



What a gutless, spineless fuck who values money over living a lie. I have never said that anyone need to wear this on your sleeve like I do with dignity, but in today's world you shouldn't have to hide anything, as long as it violates no one's rights, and shows respect for others as human beings.

Believe it or not, I might be a minority on the board of this other site, since it appears that many of the other twinkies there also share this view. Sorry, I just can't allow that to happen..............:blush:


----------



## KendraLee (Jun 4, 2008)

Its weak minded crap in the quote in wrestlingguys post that make the sensative pisces in me want to cry. I am as beautiful, smart and classy as any thin chick and would be an asset to any strong minded, determined man out there. It continues to boggle my mind how people can let the opinions and predjudices of people who won't add any real meaning to their life in the end affect their happiness in the now.


----------



## lostjacket (Jun 4, 2008)

Sophomore year in College, History Class, Second Day of School. That's when I officially took the leap from talking about being an FA, to actually doing something proactive about it. It was one of the best decisions that I ever made in my entire life. She also was my first love...so that didn't exactly hurt either. But we saw eachother, and it was almost like a light switch went off in my head. Uh, what was I doing? And why the hell am I denying so many awesome feelings? I had kind of flirted around the edges of FAdom before, but it didn't really hit in full force until that exact moment. I am certainly glad it did. I couldn't be happier right now with my preference (despite the chronic lack of a lovely gf).

Girls are Girls...size doesn't define who they are. If you think it does...then well you are kind of a prick (which I think guys are almost certainly going to be, until they mature, sometimes it happens later then others for some) I can't exactly lecture, because I don't think I was open about my preference enough initially. But once I figured out how life in the real world functions, my priorities became much clearer. Just enjoy it


----------



## James (Jun 5, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> (first thread, woo!)
> 
> so yeah, was just wondering how those FA's out there deal with it as far as being 'found out' by friends, or what friends think of it and the like. I'm young so as you can imagine it's harder to get by without being abused about being an FA, so I tend to hide it.. or completly cover it up. Anybody have a similar problem in social groups?
> 
> and am I in the right forum for this?



Dude, you are in Southampton! I live down the road in Bournemouth. Are you there for uni? I was there for Env Sciences between 98-01... 

Anyway, with regards to your question. Yeah, I had some troubles with a friend or two (I even lost a friend) when I started to date fat women. I absolutely dont want to put you off though... Once you've made the decision that you want to be open about your preference then thats the beginning of the process... some guys internalise and hide it until much later in life and that aint healthy. 

I wrote an article recently on this subject. The draft is online at my blog (http://wellroundedblog.blogspot.com/) if you want to take a look?

In a nutshell, the best thing you can do initially is to hang out here... talk to other FAs and get a feel for how they 'came out'. After that, come hang out with us in places like BGP or at dimensions meet ups. The more 'real' people in your life that think like you, the more affirming it is. 

At the end of the day, it will take some balls to walk tall and be a proud FA... but its a decision that will make the rest of your life after that point, totally awesome... The older you get, the more you realise that your friends (your real friends) aren't going to give a shit if you are straight or gay or like fat or thin partners. I know that might sound a bit like wishful thinking when you are a young bloke in your early 20s but trust me, if you want it to, life really will pan out like that.

feel free to PM me if there's anything you want to ask.

good luck!


----------



## liz (di-va) (Jun 5, 2008)

Some thoughts from seeing this topic come and go a lot:

* You are right to reach out to other FAs about this. It's not really a potential romantic partner's job to get you up to speed/be your practice person as you navigate the potential kookiness of 'coming out.' I don't mean that you have to know everything yer gonna know going into relationships, but what you know is ultimately your responsibility.

Talking to other FAs, therefore...a very good idea. Especially as the people posting here are not all magically "on the other side," as you said. Lots of people went through lots of things to get there, many the same age as you.

* Find FAs to talk to about this and BE SPECIFIC about why you're having a hard time. People are rarely specific, and I think the conflict often emerges when you dig a little deeper. Who exactly is giving you crap, and how. Etc.

Also? Leave me out of it (as it were). This shit can be ugly to navigate; don't expect a BBW to be happy to hear about the full-on nastiness of other people's issues.

* Try aversion therapy. Notice what the option is other than coming out (being unhappy). Find all the other threads here about this and notice the unhappy dudes who married skinny women only to end up here again. Notice the potential to be skinned alive by angry fat women who have felt the damage men in the closet do. Notice, mostly, how *unhappy* all these closeted guys sound. They never, ever start posts with "I'm ecstatically happy, except for this one thing..." They always sound miserable.

* Notice (again) how nobody who's come out about anything is ANYTHING OTHER THAN HAPPY ABOUT IT. It's who you are, I'm not sure it's even quite moral, as I see it, to deny who you are. What is waiting on the other side other than smokin sex with hot fat babes and a renewed sense of self that will empower other areas of your life?

* Remember -- in a get-your-ego-out-of-the-way way -- that you are not alone. You're not the only person who ever went through this (1); fat people go through way worse all the time, every day (2); look at all the people who have actually died defending their right to love who they love (3). It's okay to have a little perspective about all this.

* Remember that dating a fat chick is just like dating....er...a chick. Okay, there are things that are different, but I just mean...we're all just women, anyhow. You'll probably get your heart broken. I mean...if it's of any comfort--it won't fix *everything* in your life to date fat women.

* On the other hand: good thoughts sometimes breed...good thoughts. To a certain degree, to a certain extent, people will follow your lead. If you are happy, proud, and at your best with a fat chick...people will notice.

That last one I will tell you works as a fat girl too. If you don't give people a lot of wiggle room to jump in with negative shit...they won't. And if you're determined to not take it...it won't stick. In the end this is all about choice. That's what makes 'coming out' a challenge (you're going to have to do it in the end, nobody else can) and a blessing.

* Fake it til you make it. Buy an I Love Fat Chicks t-shirt...put a poster of a hot fat chick on your wall. Don't overlook the effects of just making a gesture, thumbing your nose at convention.

* Don't take any of this out on fat chicks.

Good luck.


----------



## mergirl (Jun 5, 2008)

ive never felt like i had to "come out" as an Fa..because its pretty obvious. Why do you feel the need to "come out" anyway??
i really love reading and song writing and the people who i chose to be in my life will realise that about me cause sooner or later i will get my guitar out and play or will talk about the books i like. 
"comming out" implies that you are almost excusing yourself for doing something against the norm..
i mean..how many people sit thier parents down and say "well..i'm hetrosexual..i hope you still love me"..
or a guy in the pub who says to his pals "i think you should know " i think medium sized/thin women are hot"..
you just dont..
leave the closets for the skeletons.
and just be..
if you make a huge deal out of something so natural and normal people will sit up and react because of all the noise your making..thats just human instinct.
If and when you are with a partner then just be with them..and your friends will accept it..if you accept it in your self of course..
and if you have friends who have a huge problem with your preferences, then they cant be really good friend anyway!
haha.. though i think i use weird Fa powers of the mind..and if i am chatting about hot big women with people i dont really know.. i will say something like (if the topic of sexy ladies comes up) "ooh alison moyet is SO sexy.. if you dont think that then you must be MENTAL!!"..lmao
so my advice is.. MAKE EVERY ONE AN FA!!! lmao..
and also.. please dont worry..find good friends who will love you regardless of sexual preference.. and have a happy life and enjoy the joy that comes with being with someone you think is so sexy that they make you want to die!"! lmao

xmer


----------



## mergirl (Jun 5, 2008)

well maby not die..just really live.. and all other amazing things!!

xmer


----------



## KendraLee (Jun 5, 2008)

mergirl said:


> ive never felt like i had to "come out" as an Fa..because its pretty obvious. Why do you feel the need to "come out" anyway??
> i really love reading and song writing and the people who i chose to be in my life will realise that about me cause sooner or later i will get my guitar out and play or will talk about the books i like.
> "comming out" implies that you are almost excusing yourself for doing something against the norm..
> i mean..how many people sit thier parents down and say "well..i'm hetrosexual..i hope you still love me"..
> ...



Love what you had to say here. I've always felt that way about it too


----------



## Red (Jun 5, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> Heh, I was born in pompey and grew up there for a while too.
> 
> While it's all appreciated, I think it's easy for you guys to say 'just man up and get yourself out there and stop caring as much' when you're subjectively looking at the topic from the other side of the wall. It's also probably easier if you've been in a community to which it's all completly normal, whereas with myself, I've only just joined dims.
> 
> Either way, I think it'll get better with time.



Ok...totally off topic, but I have never understood why Portsmouth is referred to as Pompey. Could you please explain? I realise that I could Google this but I would much rather hear it from a resident....anyhow...

...as for dating fat girls and your mates giving you grief? You could use it as a fantastically convenient filtering system. If it turns out some 'friends’ respond with repeated abuse and bitching, dump them. It shouldn't be that big a deal so their reaction should be pretty nonplussed bar a few initial investigative questions and a possible mild ribbing. Set the bar before you &#8216;come out’ properly, you decide what’s acceptable and when to tell that someone’s crossed the line, that way you should feel more prepared and comfortable.

This thread is already jam-packed with vast amounts of sane and helpful advice so I shall just say good luck with this dude and let us know how you get on.



ETA- Mergirlie's right. It sounds weird to say 'coming out', stating the obvious really but I hope you know what I was getting at.


----------



## mergirl (Jun 5, 2008)

Red said:


> Ok...totally off topic, but I have never understood why Portsmouth is referred to as Pompey. Could you please explain? I realise that I could Google this but I would much rather hear it from a resident....anyhow...
> 
> ...as for dating fat girls and your mates giving you grief? You could use it as a fantastically convenient filtering system. If it turns out some 'friends’ respond with repeated abuse and bitching, dump them. It shouldn't be that big a deal so their reaction should be pretty nonplussed bar a few initial investigative questions and a possible mild ribbing. Set the bar before you &#8216;come out’ properly, you decide what’s acceptable and when to tell that someone’s crossed the line, that way you should feel more prepared and comfortable.
> 
> ...


INDEED!!! dump the stupid non friends!! They wont keep you warm at night with thier cold comments! But a big beautiful woman will..(not that i'm objectifying)..but what could be better that to be cozy in bed (and lets just make this overly romantic for effect!) with thunder and rain happening outside..tracing the edges of her delicious curves and being enveloped in the amazing warmth that she could give you.(i mean emotionally and sexually here if so it happens)... while all your rediculous non friends are standing out in the rain ranting about something unimportant..all cold and wet (both physically and emotionally)..
weigh it up..and realise that warmth is better coldness.in all senses!

xmer


----------



## Red (Jun 5, 2008)

mergirl said:


> INDEED!!! dump the stupid non friends!! They wont keep you warm at night with thier cold comments! But a big beautiful woman will..(not that i'm objectifying)..but what could be better that to be cozy in bed (and lets just make this overly romantic for effect!) with thunder and rain happening outside..tracing the edges of her delicious curves and being enveloped in the amazing warmth that she could give you.(i mean emotionally and sexually here if so it happens)... while all your rediculous non friends are standing out in the rain ranting about something unimportant..all cold and wet (both physically and emotionally)..
> weigh it up..and realise that warmth is better coldness.in all senses!
> 
> xmer



You speak mucho sense and I have such a girl-crush on you it's ridiculous!!!!


----------



## Red (Jun 5, 2008)

mergirl said:


> INDEED!!! dump the stupid non friends!! They wont keep you warm at night with thier cold comments! But a big beautiful woman will..(not that i'm objectifying)..but what could be better that to be cozy in bed (and lets just make this overly romantic for effect!) with thunder and rain happening outside..tracing the edges of her delicious curves and being enveloped in the amazing warmth that she could give you.(i mean emotionally and sexually here if so it happens)... while all your rediculous non friends are standing out in the rain ranting about something unimportant..all cold and wet (both physically and emotionally)..
> weigh it up..and realise that warmth is better coldness.in all senses!
> 
> xmer



You speak mucho sense and I have such a girl-crush on you it's getting ridiculous!!!!


----------



## mergirl (Jun 5, 2008)

Red said:


> You speak mucho sense and I have such a girl-crush on you it's getting ridiculous!!!!


oh yay! i love girl crushes.. specially when they happen twice!! lmao..
but look at my avitar.. i am a dog.. 
a lab/collie cross to be specific!!
brb..

xmer


----------



## mergirl (Jun 5, 2008)

yay!! i have a girl-crush on you too! just saw your pic..
your words are ok too..LMAO!!

xxmer


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 5, 2008)

in high school i acted like a douche and went against the grain about _everything_ to not fin...wore a do-rag and dressed in huge baggy urban clothing one day and dressed like a mall-punk who stole from hot topic the next. the punk/emo/white crowd couldn't stand me so instead of going friendless i sat with the black kids at lunch and took up rapping and beatmaking. i'm very proud of my didn't-give-a-fuck mentality at the time, yet for some reason i was terrified of people finding out my preference for fatties, that my sexuality would earn me some deeper level of ridicule too much for my usual threshold.

this was fucking dumb. i've since come out to my friends and dad and pretty much anyone who knows me and it really was No Big Deal (i know this isn't the situation for everyone). a friend of a friend once laughed his ass off when i told him and well, we don't talk anymore. his favorite band is tool anyway.

my stance has always been that over 60% of the u.s. is considered "overweight" and significantly less than that admits to wanting to fuck them, yet someone's doing it anyway. let's help make more than half the country more comfortable in their skin and let people know whenever possible. the little bit of teasing your friends will give you is worth the small sacrifice, and if they do worse than that, well, they're not your friends. one of my best friends was one of the most anti-fat people i've known...he did a lightly satirical essay in college on why fat people are ruining the country to be funny...and i was most surprised when he didn't give me shit. he shyly asked once if it's hard to have sex with all the pudge in the way and other than that has been completely normal and i think more worldly about fat (i.e. respects my presence at least).


----------



## mergirl (Jun 5, 2008)

p.s i really have found your words oh so awsome..i was a jesting before..

sometimes i drown in my shallows!!

lol xmer


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 5, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> I've gotten embroiled in a little battle on the boards of another website (that will remain nameless), and the OP started a thread about a YouTube Video titled "Would you date a fat chick?"
> 
> Check out what I felt the need to respond to........
> 
> ...



unacceptable.


----------



## mergirl (Jun 5, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> unacceptable.


GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i call forth the power of mumra the ever living to smite these arse baws with his septic bandages!!???
what? 
ok.. the vid was disgusting enough...but the comments..
oh phooop..sad face..sad face..
you are right..so right..
UNACCEPTABLE!!
and oh so weird cause the "fat chicks" they had on the couch were like about the same size as me.. ie not fat!?
i have lost all concept of size, matter, or time continum..
i shall now put on my wee rucksack and walk into the distance like the incredable hulk at the end of every show...
EXILE!! WE need to make a shitty low budget show asking "why people would date thin chicks".. just for equilibium..
can i be the black guy? you can be the thin anti-woman woman with her botox head and blonde baw hair!!!
we just must!!
how long will it take you to get to East kilbride??

grrrrrrrrrragingly yours xxxmer


----------



## The Fez (Jun 5, 2008)

I..uh..what? 

James: yeah I'm just finishing my second year, I'm on surge radio too if that rings any bells!

Red: no idea why it's called pompey sometimes, just like people from sunderland are reffered to as 'mackam's... I don't see the connection!


----------



## ripley (Jun 5, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> one of my best friends was one of the most anti-fat people i've known...he did a lightly satirical essay in college on why fat people are ruining the country to be funny...and i was most surprised when he didn't give me shit. he shyly asked once if it's hard to have sex with all the pudge in the way and other than that has been completely normal and i think more worldly about fat (i.e. respects my presence at least).



That makes me think, the "more worldly about fat" thing. If budding FAs could couch their preference in not just choosing fat chicks but also choosing to live life off the beaten track...might there be some comfort in that? Being the cool iconoclast? 

Bucking the status quo for your peer group can be hard, but did we learn nothing from _Pretty in Pink_?!




And also, I'm curious how you answered your friend's question about fat sex.


----------



## James (Jun 5, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> I..uh..what?
> 
> James: yeah I'm just finishing my second year, I'm on surge radio too if that rings any bells!


 
Surge radio? I dont think that existed yet when I was there. Maybe it did exist but broadcast under another name? What music do they play?

I wrote hip hop and drum & bass reviews for Edge magazine but that was pretty much the extent of my involvement in the Soton music scene... I have no idea whats happening there any more... (I'm past it at 28...!)


----------



## James (Jun 6, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> I've gotten embroiled in a little battle on the boards of another website (that will remain nameless), and the OP started a thread about a YouTube Video titled "Would you date a fat chick?"
> 
> Check out what I felt the need to respond to........
> 
> ...


 

"If all someone values is money, then their opinion is worthless"... someone once told me... 

I've heard this "cant date a fat woman because it will hold back my career" nonsense before. What a load of bollocks.... Where does this guy work? At a Jenny Craig clinic or something? And even if he did, what difference does it make what one's spouse or partner looks like in this day and age? 

What spineless bollocks... bah...:doh:


----------



## Red (Jun 6, 2008)

mergirl said:


> oh yay! i love girl crushes.. specially when they happen twice!! lmao..
> but look at my avitar.. i am a dog..
> a lab/collie cross to be specific!!
> brb..
> ...





Heh he, t'was the midnight gremlins getting into my computer


----------



## Red (Jun 6, 2008)

James said:


> *"If all someone values is money, then their opinion is worthless"... someone once told me... *



Good quote, I shall think of that repeatedly today at work.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 6, 2008)

ripley said:


> That makes me think, the "more worldly about fat" thing. If budding FAs could couch their preference in not just choosing fat chicks but also choosing to live life off the beaten track...might there be some comfort in that? Being the cool iconoclast?
> 
> Bucking the status quo for your peer group can be hard, but did we learn nothing from _Pretty in Pink_?!
> 
> ...




being the cool iconoclast/poseur/what have you is certainly preferable to being the World's Wingman.

how do you think i answered it?


----------



## Lastminute.Tom (Jun 6, 2008)

hooray more southern fa's now we can have a lads night out, in fact I could walk to southampton in 2 and a half hours, I know this because I'm usually too poor and wasted to get a taxi back to chandlers ford in the wee hours

with the whole coming out thing, it is a stuggle down here, infact the only way to make people actually understand you is to make out with a fat girl infront of them because otherwise they think you are talking about their definition of a fat girl which is usually someone with the tiniest curve of tummy

it took me a few years after I figured it out before I told my friends because well most of them made fat-phobic comments if we were watching a film or if there was a fat girl or guy that we didn't know which put me off because I knew they didn't see me that way and I didn't want to loose my friends because I was afraid of being alone, so eventually I told them all although it helped when we had a fat girl join our friendship group, but then she left for new zealand about a year and a half ago which sucks, the key to the whole thing is confidence which annoyingly usually comes after you've made the leap and told the people you were afraid of telling, I had a bit of an argument with one of my oldest mates, whom I did the american exchange program with which was fun, and we have all the small boobs big boobs debates, when I eventually told him it was a bit intense I found it hard to look him in the eye, he couldn't get his head around it at first because if he tries to see a fat girl in a sexual way he just see's the fat and thats it so then I had to explain that when I try to see a skinnny girl in a sexual way I just see a boy I can't see the elements that he finds attractive so we left it at that, but we're still firm friends infact I'm off to see him in japan in a few weeks which should be fun


----------



## ripley (Jun 6, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> how do you think i answered it?



I guess it doesn't matter, I was just curious.


----------



## jeff7005 (Jun 6, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> (first thread, woo!)
> 
> so yeah, was just wondering how those FA's out there deal with it as far as being 'found out' by friends, or what friends think of it and the like. I'm young so as you can imagine it's harder to get by without being abused about being an FA, so I tend to hide it.. or completly cover it up. Anybody have a similar problem in social groups?
> 
> and am I in the right forum for this?


actualy for me every time someone finds out i like big girls they say that i'm lucky cause i have no competion, but i still earn people respect cause i'm open about it and tell it like it is.


----------



## wrestlingguy (Jun 7, 2008)

jeff7005 said:


> actualy for me every time someone finds out i like big girls they say that i'm lucky cause i have no competion, but i still earn people respect cause i'm open about it and tell it like it is.



Jeff, that's another misconception about FA's. Trust me, go to a bash in your area, and you'll find there is a lot of "competition".


----------



## mergirl (Jun 7, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> Jeff, that's another misconception about FA's. Trust me, go to a bash in your area, and you'll find there is a lot of "competition".


Oh!! That ENRAGES me too!! Saying stuff like if you like big women you will have less competition!! grrr! Someone even said to me once that i like fat chicks because i feel less threatened by them!! hmm..they should really meet the big women i know and they would see thats SO not true! lol. 

xmer


----------



## BeaBea (Jun 7, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> Jeff, that's another misconception about FA's. Trust me, go to a bash in your area, and you'll find there is a lot of "competition".



I think Jeff just means thats the kind of remark he gets from his friends. They might be a bit clueless but at least its not a hostile or offensive response. Its cool that Jeff has his friends respect by being open about his preference - nothing nicer than an FA who is proud of his choices  

Tracey xx


----------



## jeff7005 (Jun 8, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> Jeff, that's another misconception about FA's. Trust me, go to a bash in your area, and you'll find there is a lot of "competition".


hi wrestlingguy, i do know theres lots people that like bbw's they just d'ont like to admit it cause there bomborded by the media about how should women be petite or tall and skinny to be beautifull especialy in la it's all about image,but i'm proud of what i like and if i see or meet a bbw that ithink is very attractive i tell everyone of my buddys.


----------



## wrestlingguy (Jun 8, 2008)

jeff7005 said:


> hi wrestlingguy, i do know theres lots people that like bbw's they just d'ont like to admit it cause there bomborded by the media about how should women be petite or tall and skinny to be beautifull especialy in la it's all about image,but i'm proud of what i like and if i see or meet a bbw that ithink is very attractive i tell everyone of my buddys.



I agree with ya, Jeff. You don't have to be loud & proud, just open and honest to make your point.

Just a quick note regarding your previous post. I think that people outside this community have the idea that attraction to big women puts one in a minority, therefore the odds (odds of whatever) are better.

There are also many "FA's" who feel the same way, and assume that fat girls are easy, and have few men waiting in line for them. The problem is, IMO, that some of them are rewarded by women, thus propagating the myth.


----------



## BeaBea (Jun 8, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> There are also many "FA's" who feel the same way, and assume that fat girls are easy, and have few men waiting in line for them. The problem is, IMO, that some of them are rewarded by women, thus propagating the myth.



Quoted for truth!
Tracey xx


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 9, 2008)

ripley said:


> I guess it doesn't matter, I was just curious.



"yes, it's possible"


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 9, 2008)

revolutionman said:


> Regular guys catch hell for dating different sorts of chicks all the time. We used to bust my friends balls for dating a pretty Italian girl that was also pretty hairy. She had a noticable moustache. Or the guy who dates the tall girl or the Plain Jane or the butter head chick, some times it even crosses over into race and religion, style, musical tastes, or additude. You can't tell me you've never given a friend sht for dating a snotty btch. It happens, but if you really like the chick, then you man up, take the shit, give it back to them if you want, and be happy with your girlfriend. if they bust you too much or too harshly, you tell them to fk off, because real friends wouldn't be actively trying to hurt you and your girl.



sup john fitzgerald paige


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jun 9, 2008)

Social acceptance among my friends has never been an issue for me. I had to train my mom, though. LOL I feel no embarrassment about my preferences but I do not feel the need to broadcast them either.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 11, 2008)

I broadcast when it's appropriate. I mean, it's really a matter of displacement, put yourself in the shoes of someone into fit/thin people: "would I say this here? is this going overboard?"


----------



## Lostman (Jun 12, 2008)

I've had similar experiences.

I've never actively covered up the fact that I'm an FA, but only because I've never had to. My friends have never said anything to me, and they've seen the kinds of girls I go out with. If I had been asked about my preference, I'd like to think I would have responded positively, but looking back on my school days especially, I probably would have tried to hide it. Now at University, I've still never been asked - but I'm just beginning to feel more confident in myself, and would welcome to chance to 'come out'.

I think we're both at similar points. I've only just managed to delurk and register!

Since I started school, I have for some reason been somewhat ashamed of my preference for fat girls. As I said, if I'd been questioned, I'd probably have closed up and denied it. Through all the years of high school & sixth form, not once have I openly admitted to being an FA, not even to girlfriends (although I'm sure some have guessed and not said anything!). These years of repression have, I think, pretty much messed my mind up when it comes to my own sexuality. It's difficult to explain and put into words.

Relatively recently, I've started to understand that it really doesn't matter what others think. I'm also very happy that I'm feeling better about myself and my FAness. These boards are full of great people! Years of childish self-imposed repression are difficult to undo, but I can feel it happening. I just have to talk this out with my big-and-shrinking (another story entirely) girlfriend; I think I need to 'come out' to her to complete my transformation into a non-crazy person.

What everyone else has said Fez, things will improve with time. Also, consider that your friends have oddities also, and they're just as likely to get poked at as you are. Openness is key. I wish I'd realised that sooner.


----------



## amber83 (Jun 12, 2008)

BeaBea said:


> Would you expect your friends to take it if you criticised the women they were with for being ugly/stupid/tall/short/thin? I'm sure they would tell you to mind your own damn business and ignore you - you're going to have to grow a backbone and do the same.
> 
> Apologies if that sounds harsh but your friends, and people in general, will treat you as badly as you let them. They will make comments and be malicious to the extent that you let them get away with it. You just need to make it clear that this is your preference and their comments are not welcome. The sooner you do it the easier it will be.
> 
> Tracey



Amen! Couldn't have put it into better words.


----------



## amber83 (Jun 12, 2008)

I've had experience with different types of FAs; closet and open. The closet guy? He got the boot for being both stupid and trying to hide it. The open guy? He held my hand as we walked through Amsterdam together. He kissed me on the bridges in front of so many people and he told the cashier at the bakery, "yes, she's my girlfriend". If anybody said anything, we never noticed because it is not about whether society approves of us or not; it's about our love we have for each other. 

A true FA will never let society stop them from being who they really are. If you can't be true to yourself, how can you ever expect to be true to your woman?


----------



## Seiger23 (Jun 13, 2008)

I dont think ive been found out, as ive never formally said "I like big girls" however nobody seems to mind my last girlfriend had to be around 300 pounds, I wasnt afraid to tell people, and everybody seemed happy for me.


----------



## beginner FA (Jun 15, 2008)

well said amber83, but as an FA i know that that is easier said than done and once it is done theres no going back. personally i have told my closest friends but i don't make a point of letting everyone know and as i don't have a girlfriend most people in my life don't actually know i'm an FA but oh well. if i feel anyone needs to know i tell them.


----------



## The Fez (Jun 15, 2008)

beginner FA said:


> well said amber83, but as an FA i know that that is easier said than done and once it is done theres no going back. personally i have told my closest friends but i don't make a point of letting everyone know and as i don't have a girlfriend most people in my life don't actually know i'm an FA but oh well. if i feel anyone needs to know i tell them.



Some of my closest mates know; some are fine with it, poke a joke here and there but nothing malicious. Others gave me an odd look like 'wtf is wrong with you', but they're pretty immature people as it is.

Where you from in the UK btw?


----------



## Fascinita (Jun 15, 2008)

Wagimawr said:


> There's no rule you have to wear a sign saying "I like fat girls", either



Uh, yeah, there is a rule that says you have to wear a sign. And the sign is called a "fat chick."

The first time you're seen holding hands with a fat chick, it's a *sign* that you like fat girls.

If you're not willing to be seen with fat chicks, do the whole of fat chickdom a favor and stay away from us. 

No one deserves to be anyone's dirty little secret.


----------



## Fascinita (Jun 15, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Its weak minded crap in the quote in wrestlingguys post that make the sensative pisces in me want to cry. I am as beautiful, smart and classy as any thin chick and would be an asset to any strong minded, determined man out there. It continues to boggle my mind how people can let the opinions and predjudices of people who won't add any real meaning to their life in the end affect their happiness in the now.



One simple thing we can do toward eradicating this BS, Kendra, is to make it our mission NEVER, EVER so much as give a man the time of day if he is a spineless, gutless, closeted "FA."


----------



## The Fez (Jun 15, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> One simple thing we can do toward eradicating this BS, Kendra, is to make it our mission NEVER, EVER so much as give a man the time of day if he is a spineless, gutless, closeted "FA."



So if somebody might find it difficult to come out about themselves in a manner that exposes them to ridicule, it automatically makes them spineless and gutless? Sweeping generalisation much?


----------



## mszwebs (Jun 15, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> *Uh, yeah, there is a rule that says you have to wear a sign. And the sign is called a "fat chick."*
> 
> The first time you're seen holding hands with a fat chick, it's a *sign* that you like fat girls.
> 
> ...



I don't know how to say it any better than A-MEN.:bow:


----------



## Fascinita (Jun 15, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> So if somebody might find it difficult to come out about themselves in a manner that exposes them to ridicule, it automatically makes them spineless and gutless? Sweeping generalisation much?



If you can't find a way to deal with "ridicule" and stand up to it or laugh it off, don't expect fat women to wait for you to get a spine while you date them in secret.

And if you don't yet have the fortitude to stand up for yourself and for the people you're attracted to, then do the honest thing: Admit to yourself that you haven't yet earned the right to your full sexuality, and do fat women a big favor and stay away from us. 

Few things are worse than a hypocrite who likes it in the sheets but disses it in the streets. 

It really is very simple.


----------



## The Fez (Jun 15, 2008)

I didn't ever make the connection that I'd date a larger girl then cover it up when around friends. All I said was my preference is ridiculed when I've mentioned it and it's something I find difficulty dealing with sometimes, probably because I've taken a lot of flack for various things over the years so I'm not good at dealing with harsh criticisms.


With that in mind, posting on dims, even just over the past couple of weeks, has made me feel a bit better about who I am, and helps me recognise that I shouldn't be bothered by what others say.


----------



## amber83 (Jun 15, 2008)

beginner FA said:


> well said amber83, but as an FA i know that that is easier said than done and once it is done theres no going back. personally i have told my closest friends but i don't make a point of letting everyone know and as i don't have a girlfriend most people in my life don't actually know i'm an FA but oh well. if i feel anyone needs to know i tell them.



On the flipside of your equation...I tend to like men who aren't overly manly. And, where I grew up, and in my family...manly men are what the women marry. The beer drinking, beef eating truly American men. They aren't abusive pigs, per se, but they just don't do it for me. I like an intelligent, well rounded man. Then again, I no longer live up in the country...and I've seen other ways of life.

Either way, whenever I introduce my boyfriends to the family, I'm always hesitant because they might be a jerk if he doesn't hunt, or fish, or any of the things they think men should do.


----------



## Fascinita (Jun 15, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> With that in mind, posting on dims, even just over the past couple of weeks, has made me feel a bit better about who I am, and helps me recognise that I shouldn't be bothered by what others say.



Good. You're on your way, then.


----------



## jdinmi (Jun 16, 2008)

I'm having more of a self-acceptance issue than a social acceptance one. I think my girlfriend is gorgeous. I have no qualms about being affectionate with her in public, with anybody knowing we're together, or with anybody knowing how into her I am. I don't care if anybody laughs or makes comments. But, honestly I sometimes feel like there must be something wrong with me. Looking at pictures of skinny women on the internet? Seems perfectly normal. Looking at pictures of fat women? I feel sure I must be on some FBI watchlist for doing it. I know better, but I still feel sometimes like there's something deviant about being attracted to somebody fat.

But, that's my problem, not my girlfriend's. She doesn't need to deal with it, which is why I joined this forum, so I can work through it here. My issues around this are about me, not her.


----------



## gangstadawg (Jun 16, 2008)

Blockierer said:


> Your friends will say: Freestyle Fez has a fat girl friend, or he likes fat chicks.
> What else??????????


nothing else will really happen. at least not to negative. its not like he will get his ass beat. how many FAs have gotten beaten or jumped because they like fat girls?

answer: not very many.


----------



## BeaBea (Jun 16, 2008)

jdinmi said:


> But, that's my problem, not my girlfriend's. She doesn't need to deal with it, which is why I joined this forum, so I can work through it here. My issues around this are about me, not her.



That is so cool. Well done! :wubu:

Tracey xx


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jun 16, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> Uh, yeah, there is a rule that says you have to wear a sign. And the sign is called a "fat chick."
> 
> The first time you're seen holding hands with a fat chick, it's a *sign* that you like fat girls.
> 
> ...



You are on a roll in this thread! Agreed 100% 

although, I would eventually like to get a tattoo proclaiming my fat chick love for serious one day, just need an idea, but yes, the best gesture is having a beautiful big woman on your arm.

I just realized I said "on a roll" earlier.. 

mmm on a roll .. *Homer Simpson drool noise*


----------



## beginner FA (Jun 16, 2008)

I am from Dundee Scotland, u?


----------



## beginner FA (Jun 16, 2008)

amber83 said:


> On the flipside of your equation...I tend to like men who aren't overly manly. And, where I grew up, and in my family...manly men are what the women marry. The beer drinking, beef eating truly American men. They aren't abusive pigs, per se, but they just don't do it for me. I like an intelligent, well rounded man. Then again, I no longer live up in the country...and I've seen other ways of life.
> 
> Either way, whenever I introduce my boyfriends to the family, I'm always hesitant because they might be a jerk if he doesn't hunt, or fish, or any of the things they think men should do.



I'm not sure how you're response relates to my comment.


----------



## Fascinita (Jun 17, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> You are on a roll in this thread! Agreed 100%
> 
> although, I would eventually like to get a tattoo proclaiming my fat chick love for serious one day, just need an idea, but yes, the best gesture is having a beautiful big woman on your arm.
> 
> ...



A little butter with your roll, good Sir?

(Now _I'm_ getting hungry :eat2: Buttered rolls... *drool*)


----------



## Lastminute.Tom (Jun 18, 2008)

exactly where did this myth that all closet fa's are evil secret daters come from? 
I remember being afraid to tell people I liked fat girls, I had so little confidence that I couldn't speak to fat girls properly because I was afraid of making an ass of myself, if I had managed to get a girlfriend then I wouldn't have been able to hide it which is what I was hoping would happen,
I was just so afraid that I was going to end up alone, I was afraid that all of my friends would turn their back on me or not want to be seen with me, I was afraid my fathers side of the family would reject me as they've always been touchy with my weight let alone the weight of a bigger partner, I was always hoping to find a girl because I thought that I could face the world if I knew had just one person on my side, but all the time I spent hoping and trying it just got worse, the more I wanted to find someone the less likely it transpired to be that I would,
I thought then perhaps I would have to come out before I could find any confidence to talk to women and when I finally told my friends of course they were fine with it, when I told my father I was going to see a fat chick I met on the internet he replied "she's not like, as big as a house is she?" and the conversation ended there in an awkward silence, it was a struggle because of all the years of fear but they still haven't seen me with a fat chick though because I've never had a girlfriend, I still don't seem to be able to talk to women I find attractive properly without being very drunk, my confidence seems to come and go like the tides, I guess I still have my fathers side of the family to come out to and I doubt they'll understand unless I bring a fat girl to meet them, I guess I'm always setting myself up in vicious circles, 

but anyway a point, my point was that not all closet fa's are underhanded scumbags, I doubt many of them would have the confidence to do something as terrible as dating a fat girl in secret, so instead of bashing them all the time how about offering support and advice to help them tell their friends and family? if they come here only to find that the women they find attractive hate them before they even get a chance that's not going to help them accept themselves is it? and is hardly productive, I whole-heartedly agree that if you are lucky enough to be in a relationship with someone you find attractive the last thing you should do is hide it, but most closet fa's have a long way to go before they could even ask a fat girl out, there is enough fear implanted in fa's through society I hardly think that here should give them a hefty dose as well, 
I don't think its fair that an Fa with issues with their sexuality should be rejected where as a fat girl who has issues with her body is welcomed here, everyone should feel welcome here


----------



## Santaclear (Jun 18, 2008)

Lastminute.Tom said:


> but anyway a point, my point was that not all closet fa's are underhanded scumbags, I doubt many of them would have the confidence to do something as terrible as dating a fat girl in secret, so instead of bashing them all the time how about offering support and advice to help them tell their friends and family? if they come here only to find that the women they find attractive hate them before they even get a chance that's not going to help them accept themselves is it? and is hardly productive, I whole-heartedly agree that if you are lucky enough to be in a relationship with someone you find attractive the last thing you should do is hide it, but most closet fa's have a long way to go before they could even ask a fat girl out, there is enough fear implanted in fa's through society I hardly think that here should give them a hefty dose as well,
> I don't think its fair that an Fa with issues with their sexuality should be rejected where as a fat girl who has issues with her body is welcomed here, everyone should feel welcome here



Why tell them? Especially since you're not dating anyone yet. And this fear you're talking about - I don't agree that it's implanted. It's as big as you make it.


----------



## Ichida (Jun 18, 2008)

I completely agree with you tom. 

I think there are "flaming" fa's, just the way some of my friends are flaming gay. Just because you favour men doesn't mean that you need to scream it (although its fine if you do), same with with being an fa. 

I don't bring up my preferences in groups but I am sure my friends have gotten the gist from comments I make. It took me a long time to realize that i liked my men bigger, and even longer to accept it and do something about it. It wasn't fear out being rejected by friends or stigma, I was just shy. Most bhm or bbw who are not active in the community DON'T want their fatness brought up. They have come to an uneasy internal truce that they don't want people to break it.

As an FA i had to learn to bite my tongue because most bigger people find even positive looks irritating in my experience. It is hard for people to interpret "Yum" from "Ugh" sometimes. My boy knows outright but it hasn't come up in a conversation to admitt it to people. I don't feel comfortable blurting out "I dig fat guys!" to my friends randomly. They would probably be like "No *hit? I never would have guessed!" and pat my boys tummy. But also question what insecurity I had that I needed to announce it publicly.


----------



## Ichida (Jun 18, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> Why tell them? Especially since you're not dating anyone yet. And this fear you're talking about - I don't agree that it's implanted. It's as big as you make it.



I have to disagree. Humans have a natural and basic need to conform to others around them. That is why children born into racist families tend to be racist, and why kids reared by sports enthusiasts tend to enjoy playing or watching. It is why many want brand name clothing - to belong to the group. 

I personally think if you feel you NEED to tell them outright to do it before you are dating someone. It will allow their minds to adjust to this and you can gage their reaction to see if this is someone you want to bring your potential significant other around.


----------



## The Fez (Jun 18, 2008)

Lastminute.Tom said:


> but anyway a point, my point was that not all closet fa's are underhanded scumbags, I doubt many of them would have the confidence to do something as terrible as dating a fat girl in secret, so instead of bashing them all the time how about offering support and advice to help them tell their friends and family? if they come here only to find that the women they find attractive hate them before they even get a chance that's not going to help them accept themselves is it? and is hardly productive, I whole-heartedly agree that if you are lucky enough to be in a relationship with someone you find attractive the last thing you should do is hide it, but most closet fa's have a long way to go before they could even ask a fat girl out, there is enough fear implanted in fa's through society I hardly think that here should give them a hefty dose as well,
> I don't think its fair that an Fa with issues with their sexuality should be rejected where as a fat girl who has issues with her body is welcomed here, everyone should feel welcome here



Winnar! There's a few examples of people in this thread that made me question if I even wanted to be part of this community with some of the attitudes. Fortunately I read around a bit and it seems to be in the minority.


----------



## Santaclear (Jun 18, 2008)

Ichida said:


> I have to disagree. Humans have a natural and basic need to conform to others around them. That is why children born into racist families tend to be racist, and why kids reared by sports enthusiasts tend to enjoy playing or watching. It is why many want brand name clothing - to belong to the group.



Well, conformity has never been my strong suit nor a high priority for me anyway. (So maybe that's why I don't understand that.) 

This sort of issue (FAs fearing not conforming) is one good reason why it shouldn't be a high priority for anyone.


----------



## Canadian (Jun 20, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> Winnar! There's a few examples of people in this thread that made me question if I even wanted to be part of this community with some of the attitudes. Fortunately I read around a bit and it seems to be in the minority.


Everytime this subject is brought up (and it happens every couple months or so) there's always a host of girls who immediately stand up and say "you think liking fat girls is tough?!?!? Try being fat!". Happens every time.

And I mean, sure, true statement. But not a constructive one. They are seperate issues. Yes, related issues, but different issues. One may be harder than the other. They both have enough merit to not be belittled. It wouldn't be alright for me to show up on every thread on which one of the girls here is looking for support, and say "You think being fat is hard? Try having Lupus." But that's a true statement too, right? Having Lupus would a tougher issue to deal with than being fat. But it isn't okay to shut down the big girl looking for support over her body issues.

So why the fack are the girls here always so quick to shut down the guy who is looking for support over his preference in girls? It's total bullshit.

Mad face.

For the record I don't have lupus.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jun 20, 2008)

Lastminute.Tom said:


> exactly where did this myth that all closet fa's are evil secret daters come from?
> I remember being afraid to tell people I liked fat girls, I had so little confidence that I couldn't speak to fat girls properly because I was afraid of making an ass of myself, if I had managed to get a girlfriend then I wouldn't have been able to hide it which is what I was hoping would happen,
> I was just so afraid that I was going to end up alone, I was afraid that all of my friends would turn their back on me or not want to be seen with me, I was afraid my fathers side of the family would reject me as they've always been touchy with my weight let alone the weight of a bigger partner, I was always hoping to find a girl because I thought that I could face the world if I knew had just one person on my side, but all the time I spent hoping and trying it just got worse, the more I wanted to find someone the less likely it transpired to be that I would,
> I thought then perhaps I would have to come out before I could find any confidence to talk to women and when I finally told my friends of course they were fine with it, when I told my father I was going to see a fat chick I met on the internet he replied "she's not like, as big as a house is she?" and the conversation ended there in an awkward silence, it was a struggle because of all the years of fear but they still haven't seen me with a fat chick though because I've never had a girlfriend, I still don't seem to be able to talk to women I find attractive properly without being very drunk, my confidence seems to come and go like the tides, I guess I still have my fathers side of the family to come out to and I doubt they'll understand unless I bring a fat girl to meet them, I guess I'm always setting myself up in vicious circles,
> ...



In a society that hates fat women, we need to have a safe place for men who are not comfortable expressing their preferences in mainstream society. Some of the men in this group are under considerable social pressure to only date/marry slim women although they strongly prefer fat women. When the women and men on this board are unwelcoming to closeted FAs, they push the closeted men even further into the closet. I am certain that some of the women would claim that the closeted men have fewer problems with acceptance than the women have; therefore, the closeted men should grin and bear it. To me the question of whose oppression is worse is insignificant. What is important is Dimensions be in a place where everyone feels welcome.


----------



## beginner FA (Jun 23, 2008)

Canadian said:


> Everytime this subject is brought up (and it happens every couple months or so) there's always a host of girls who immediately stand up and say "you think liking fat girls is tough?!?!? Try being fat!". Happens every time.
> 
> And I mean, sure, true statement. But not a constructive one. They are seperate issues. Yes, related issues, but different issues. One may be harder than the other. They both have enough merit to not be belittled. It wouldn't be alright for me to show up on every thread on which one of the girls here is looking for support, and say "You think being fat is hard? Try having Lupus." But that's a true statement too, right? Having Lupus would a tougher issue to deal with than being fat. But it isn't okay to shut down the big girl looking for support over her body issues.
> 
> ...



Fair comment


----------



## wrestlingguy (Jun 23, 2008)

Lastminute.Tom said:


> I don't think its fair that an Fa with issues with their sexuality should be rejected where as a fat girl who has issues with her body is welcomed here, everyone should feel welcome here



Listen, bro.......often the fat girl shows up here with issues with her sexuality & her body acceptance *because * of closet FA's.......that may not be the only reason, but it could contribute to it.

By the way, as a public forum, you are absolutely welcome here, but after seeing what many of the ladies go through with regard to closet FA's, don't expect anyone to roll out the welcome wagon.

I was *not* a closet FA when I got here, never was, and never will be, and the welcome wagon STILL didn't get sent over to my house, so why should it for you? I worked through my issues here through lots of private discussion, so I wouldn't hurt anyone publicly by saying anything that would cause them harm. I talked with both women and men as I found my way. Soory, no one's gonna open the door for ya. Just keep reading the posts here.


----------



## wrestlingguy (Jun 23, 2008)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> In a society that hates fat women, we need to have a safe place for men who are not comfortable expressing their preferences in mainstream society. Some of the men in this group are under considerable social pressure to only date/marry slim women although they strongly prefer fat women. When the women and men on this board are unwelcoming to closeted FAs, they push the closeted men even further into the closet. I am certain that some of the women would claim that the closeted men have fewer problems with acceptance than the women have; therefore, the closeted men should grin and bear it. To me the question of whose oppression is worse is insignificant. What is important is Dimensions be in a place where everyone feels welcome.



I've "SUFFERED" SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! Don't these women get it? I have to take all this job abuse & pressure from my friends & co-workers!!!!!




Hold on.......I gotta stop laughing before I answer this..........................

Okay, that's better. Listen, and listen good. I am sick to death of guys who have no balls whine & cry about the pressure society puts on them to get the trophy wife.

My wife is MY trophy wife, and I just walked away from a good paying job in a strong corporate environment because of my wife's weight. I suffered nothing financially, as I got a new, better paying job.

See, if you respect yourself, then it makes it easy to tell your so-called friends to go fuck themselves while you go to the next bash somewhere and meet new FA's that share your interest & passion. Not the real world, since there are more non-FA's than there are FA's??? BFD........................I choose my friends based on them being non-judgmental of me, not just about my preference for curves, but for everything that is me.

As for work, maybe I was lucky, but I doubt it. All work sucks, some pay more than others, and you just have to try. I would never change what I did when I left my job 5 weeks ago. There's a thread about it here somewhere, but I'm too pissed off to look for it right now.

Can somebody do me a favor & sedate me before I check these guys to see if they're eunuchs?????


----------



## fatgirlflyin (Jun 23, 2008)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> In a society that hates fat women, we need to have a safe place for men who are not comfortable expressing their preferences in mainstream society.




Gotta ask, would you feel the same if this was a race related issue rather than a weight related one? For instance a white woman dating a black man who's afraid to share that she's in a relationship with a black man because her family has shown themselves to be less tolerant of such a relationship?

Its all just bullshit excuses. Like who you like, and don't feel the need to justify it to anyone.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jun 23, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> Gotta ask, would you feel the same if this was a race related issue rather than a weight related one? For instance a white woman dating a black man who's afraid to share that she's in a relationship with a black man because her family has shown themselves to be less tolerant of such a relationship?
> 
> Its all just bullshit excuses. Like who you like, and don't feel the need to justify it to anyone.




You are essentially comparing apples and oranges. But since you ask, there is a place for white women and black men who prefer to date outside their race. The site is www.whitewomenblackmen.com, and it's a safe place just like Dimensions for people who have unconventional preferences. I highly recommend the site. I have been on there for several years.


----------



## fatgirlflyin (Jun 23, 2008)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> You are essentially comparing apples and oranges. But since you ask, there is a place for white women and black men who prefer to date outside their race. The site is www.whitewomenblackmen.com, and it's a safe place just like Dimensions for people who have unconventional preferences. I highly recommend the site. I have been on there for several years.




Its not apples and oranges. One may be more extreme than the other but at the very core of it, it's quite similiar. 

Also I wasn't asking about a safe place for people who date outside their race. I asked if you'd be suggesting people be as tolerant of someone wanting to keep their attraction to someone of another race quiet because they fear what other people are going to think of them.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 23, 2008)

I'm not sure why it's "apples and oranges". Both are "pressured by society", both are "ashamed" of the person they really want to date, both can feel pressured by family, both allow others to tell them how to live, both can have people mock them...and both need to grow up and grow a pair.

Oh, and who is ashamed to date a person with Lupus?


----------



## The Fez (Jun 23, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> I've "SUFFERED" SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! Don't these women get it? I have to take all this job abuse & pressure from my friends & co-workers!!!!!
> 
> 
> 
> ...




that big font sure does get your point across more so than it would if you just.. typed it. Bravo.

General statement, for the record, I didn't ever say I was ashamed. I know I know assuming things and going a bit nuts at people for asking innocent enough questions is great fun, but I didn't say it.

Anyway, despite all the angry 'how dare you care about being razzed' responses, I actually got some decent replies from all this so cheers to those people.


----------



## olwen (Jun 23, 2008)

Lastminute.Tom said:


> exactly where did this myth that all closet fa's are evil secret daters come from?
> I remember being afraid to tell people I liked fat girls, I had so little confidence that I couldn't speak to fat girls properly because I was afraid of making an ass of myself, if I had managed to get a girlfriend then I wouldn't have been able to hide it which is what I was hoping would happen,
> I was just so afraid that I was going to end up alone, I was afraid that all of my friends would turn their back on me or not want to be seen with me, I was afraid my fathers side of the family would reject me as they've always been touchy with my weight let alone the weight of a bigger partner, I was always hoping to find a girl because I thought that I could face the world if I knew had just one person on my side, but all the time I spent hoping and trying it just got worse, the more I wanted to find someone the less likely it transpired to be that I would,
> I thought then perhaps I would have to come out before I could find any confidence to talk to women and when I finally told my friends of course they were fine with it, when I told my father I was going to see a fat chick I met on the internet he replied "she's not like, as big as a house is she?" and the conversation ended there in an awkward silence, it was a struggle because of all the years of fear but they still haven't seen me with a fat chick though because I've never had a girlfriend, I still don't seem to be able to talk to women I find attractive properly without being very drunk, my confidence seems to come and go like the tides, I guess I still have my fathers side of the family to come out to and I doubt they'll understand unless I bring a fat girl to meet them, I guess I'm always setting myself up in vicious circles,
> ...




Let's clear up a few things here. So many of us assume that closeted FAs date us in secret because so many of us bbws have gone thru that. It's traumatic. It's like being taken on a rollar coaster ride of emotions that only ends with the bbw landing in a slime pit. Seriously. For a moment, pretend you are a large sized bbw dating one of these guys. Here's what's going to happen: In public he doesn't want to hold your hand or walk next to you and may pretend he doesn't know you. He won't introduce you to his friends, tells people you're just a friend and not his girlfriend. Never wants to go out, always wants to stay in. Makes fat bashing comments to other people in front of you and then tries to play it off later when you're alone. Always has a nervous look on his face and just pretends you are persona non grata. It's demoralizing isn't it? 

Do you still want to play pretend cause there's more. 

Then when you are alone, suddenly he's all over you, can't get enough of you, makes with the pillow talk that frankly isn't always sexy and makes you feel divorced from your body. Acts like he's in heaven when you are alone together and seems happy to be with you. He might even be tender with you and tells you how much he loves you. Then if you're the type who doesn't have much self esteem you tell yourself things like he's the best you can do for now, or there just isn't anybody else you can dump him for, or but he's cute and he thinks I'm sooo sexy when so many other guys don't? Blah blah blah, ect, ect, ect. Then you become angry and confused and frustrated and depressed. You hate him, you hate your body, you hate the world. Are you still with me here? All this because some jerk off isn't being true to himself or supportive or loving or caring. He's just using the bbw for his own sexual needs. He's being selfish and disrespectful towards us, so pardon us for being a little wary and for having little tolerance for this kind of behavior. 

So this doesn't describe you? Good. No not all FAs are like that. Of course not. All closeted FAs? Maybe not. But to preserve my sanity and my ego, it's safer for me to presume so. Having that attitude protects me from bad mojo. 

As for your other point. Having confidence to date a fat girl in secret???? That's not confidence that's cowardice. It is. If you're saying you don't feel confident enough to approach a beautiful woman, then that's another issue. That issue is true for men who like skinny girls. It's true for anybody who gets nervous when approaching someone they think is hot. That doesn't have anything to do with your target being a bbw.

I can tell you this and I'm sure I can speak for some other bbws too, while I sympathize with your fear of rejection and bearing the brunt of ridicule, I don't empathize. I know myself and I know that I would never go to the trouble of hiding anything like that. It's too much unnecessary work IMO. You guys can get support from us _after _you find your spines and are ready to grow up and be men. After all the bs I've been thru with closeted FAs don't expect me to hold your hand while you cry about how nobody understands you or how your friends might make fun of you. I'm just not the type to suffer fools easily and helping you find your spine just isn't the responsibility of any bbw. That's your burden, so it's on you.


----------



## olwen (Jun 23, 2008)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> In a society that hates fat women, we need to have a safe place for men who are not comfortable expressing their preferences in mainstream society. Some of the men in this group are under considerable social pressure to only date/marry slim women although they strongly prefer fat women. When the women and men on this board are unwelcoming to closeted FAs, they push the closeted men even further into the closet. I am certain that some of the women would claim that the closeted men have fewer problems with acceptance than the women have; therefore, the closeted men should grin and bear it. To me the question of whose oppression is worse is insignificant. What is important is Dimensions be in a place where everyone feels welcome.



OMG, what is it with you and the quantifications of the quantifications? This issue isn't about oneupsmanship. It's about personal experience and self preservation. Instead of taking note about how this behavior on the part of the closeted FA affects us you complain about how we don't seem to care how hard it is for the closeted FA? Really? If we have to worry about helping the closeted FA cope it wouldn't be fair to us. This is like asking us to be The President for a while then expecting us to carry that burden then getting pissed off if we end up pushing the button. It's a major disaster waiting to happen.


----------



## BeaBea (Jun 24, 2008)

Surely the bottom line is that in a good relationship the support will be mutual and equally shared? One partner will get support for having what society sees as unconventional preferences and the other partner will get support for being an unconventional shape, and jointly the happy couple can tell the rest of the world to mind it's own damn business.

How you get to a mutually supportive relationship when one of you wont come out of the closet though I'm not quite sure...

Tracey xx


----------



## wrestlingguy (Jun 24, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> that big font sure does get your point across more so than it would if you just.. typed it. Bravo.
> 
> General statement, for the record, I didn't ever say I was ashamed. I know I know assuming things and going a bit nuts at people for asking innocent enough questions is great fun, but I didn't say it.
> 
> Anyway, despite all the angry 'how dare you care about being razzed' responses, I actually got some decent replies from all this so cheers to those people.



First, I don't need a sarcastic "bravo" for anything I post. There was no underlying motivation to make my last post, other than to get to the heart of the matter here.

I'm involved in another thread on another forum (you may be one of the posters there, for all I know), and the "theme" there is the same......that most FA's have lots of corporate pressure to not date or be with a big girl.
One guy even said he could lose his "high paying" job because of the corporate climate there. I have to tell you, I've been there, and it's not fun, but sometimes you just have to stand up to the world and say this is what I want, and you're going to have to live with it. Trust me, I did it, and it was very worth it.

My comments were not directed at you personally. In fact, they were in response to another person, whose quote is in my post. I'm sorry that my comments fit you enough for you to think they were intended for you.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Jun 24, 2008)

In history - people that take risks going against the norm are the people that get things to change - A seat on a bus - advocates of change and being vocal about it so much that the only way to silence the voice is death. 

The subject above is a far greater important subject then the one we are talkling about here and in MY life time I've seen change, yes not as much as there should be but change none the less. 

But the change has come from people not allowing social stigmas and judgement against them. 

Standing up for ones self is not always the easiest thing to do it does take courage and a true conviction for what you beleive and not eveyone has that. 

So for those FA's that are open and allow society to see you going against the grain, I thank you. The more you do that, I believe in time it will make it easier and easier for the FA's coming up behind you.


----------



## William (Jun 24, 2008)

Hi Canadian

Yes it was a true statement

It is not a constructive statement

They are separate issues

But related issues

One is harder than the other 

They both do! have enough merit not to be belittled

You could say the same about BHM/BBW issues yet this thread is a walk in the park compared to the Dimensions Military Surge that recent BBW/BHM discussions have received and I doubt that this one will be taken over and degraded to silly comments about cheese and sea mammals the like BHM threads have.

William






Canadian said:


> Everytime this subject is brought up (and it happens every couple months or so) there's always a host of girls who immediately stand up and say "you think liking fat girls is tough?!?!? Try being fat!". Happens every time.
> 
> And I mean, sure, true statement. But not a constructive one. They are seperate issues. Yes, related issues, but different issues. One may be harder than the other. They both have enough merit to not be belittled. It wouldn't be alright for me to show up on every thread on which one of the girls here is looking for support, and say "You think being fat is hard? Try having Lupus." But that's a true statement too, right? Having Lupus would a tougher issue to deal with than being fat. But it isn't okay to shut down the big girl looking for support over her body issues.
> 
> ...


----------



## The Fez (Jun 24, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> First, I don't need a sarcastic "bravo" for anything I post. There was no underlying motivation to make my last post, other than to get to the heart of the matter here.
> 
> I'm involved in another thread on another forum (you may be one of the posters there, for all I know), and the "theme" there is the same......that most FA's have lots of corporate pressure to not date or be with a big girl.
> One guy even said he could lose his "high paying" job because of the corporate climate there. I have to tell you, I've been there, and it's not fun, but sometimes you just have to stand up to the world and say this is what I want, and you're going to have to live with it. Trust me, I did it, and it was very worth it.
> ...



You can understand why I'd assume your comments might have been aimed at me when they were posted in a thread I started, and on the same topic.

And sorry for the sarcasm, pretty drunken state of posting. I've got a hangover now to pay for it


----------



## Tad (Jun 24, 2008)

Wrestlingguy, I love your passion and commitment, but I can't let this post go by without a couple of comments. I'm not saying you are wrong, just that there is at least one alternate viewpoint on these. I've re-arranged the post to address two different issues.



wrestlingguy said:


> Okay, that's better. Listen, and listen good. I am sick to death of guys who have no balls whine & cry about the pressure society puts on them to get the trophy wife.
> 
> ........
> 
> Can somebody do me a favor & sedate me before I check these guys to see if they're eunuchs?????



Just to note that questioning the man-hood of those who don't see eye to eye to you has a pretty poor record of persuading them to see things your way. It essentially says you have no respect for what they are saying, at which point why should they try and talk about it with you?

If your point was just to lambaste, not persuade, then OK, as you were.



> See, if you respect yourself, then it makes it easy to tell your so-called friends to go fuck themselves while you go to the next bash somewhere and meet new FA's that share your interest & passion.



So let me see if I have this straight: If your friends disagree with you, dump them? Maybe that was not what you meant, but that is how it reads. But surely the definition of a friend goes beyond someone who shares all of your interests?

Although I think you did hit a really key point with the phrase "if you respect yourself." A lot of people don't, and I think that is often a key part of being in the closet about anything. They've internalized that this thing, whatever it is, is shameful, and so they can't really respect themselves because they cannot deny this shameful thing. So I totally agree that lack of self-respect is a huge part of the problem.

Unfortunately I think that "get some self-respect" is about on par with "lose some weight" as far as usefulness as advice.


----------



## BBWGLORYFOXXX (Jun 24, 2008)

all i gotta say is why hide that your an FA? thats who you are and you shouldnt hide it..and if friends and family cant handle it..then oh well..thats just my two cents...dont let people bother you because your an FA


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jun 24, 2008)

olwen said:


> OMG, what is it with you and the quantifications of the quantifications? This issue isn't about oneupsmanship. It's about personal experience and self preservation. Instead of taking note about how this behavior on the part of the closeted FA affects us you complain about how we don't seem to care how hard it is for the closeted FA? Really? If we have to worry about helping the closeted FA cope it wouldn't be fair to us. This is like asking us to be The President for a while then expecting us to carry that burden then getting pissed off if we end up pushing the button. It's a major disaster waiting to happen.




You have misunderstood what I was communicating. Let me put this in plainer English. We live in a discriminatory society and people are under a lot of pressure to conform to what others think is the standard.

I have been on this site for 6 years and I notice that the women on here spend a lot of time making angry, bitter posts about closeted men. And if a closeted FA reveals himself, then several of the divas will never fail to welcome him with a swat down. 

I am not going to defend closeted behavior. I don't agree with it at all. I was lucky to have friends and most of my family to be accepting of me and my preferences. I did not have to endure losing a job or being ostracized socially because of the women I date. 

There is no right or wrong on this issue. No one should have to feel closeted, but we live in a society that is not always welcoming. 

With that said, I think that men and women need to go after the people they desire as partners regardless of what friends and family may say. It's so much easier and enjoyable to be open about what you want. It isn't necessary to advertise preferences as loudly as possible,but neither should a person go out of his/her way to hide it.

I've been on the receiving end of problems caused by closeted behavior. In my case, the persons in question were not honorable enough to be open about their preferences for men like me. 

There are no easy answers here. But let's try to make everyone feel welcome on the board regardless.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 24, 2008)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> There are no easy answers here. But let's try to make everyone feel welcome on the board regardless.



Emory, I appreciate your posts and your input. You strike me as a person that always wants to be fair in his ideals. I want to agree with that part of your post that I quoted. On some level, I want to be able to do that. However...have you ever been in the company of a person that openly states they are ashamed to be seen with you? and then top it off with them saying they find people that look like you really attractive....but they won't say that to others because the "others" won't allow it. 
As a human being, how "open" and "welcoming" would you feel towards this person? Tell me you wouldn't feel some kind of immense frustration....maybe even an intense dislike, of a person that does this to you. 
Now take it further again....what if you had dated and become emotionally involved with a person like this? What if a person like this had not only posted this stuff on the net....but had actually done it to you? Had made you feel like abject and utter shit? 
I know that you are human....and I'm sure you would admit it would be hard for you....even if you believe it's the "right thing to do". 

Just saying....there needs to be some empathy on BOTH sides instead of someone others in this thread belittling and denigrating the opinions...and personal feelings of others...whilst saying these same people need to shut up and bend over so others can talk about their "bad feelings" towards them.

I firmly believe in forgiveness myself..... however, it does bother me that some in this thread are not saying that being "in the closet" is wrong....they are saying they "deserve sympathy" for it. Jfx...... :doh:


----------



## wrestlingguy (Jun 24, 2008)

edx said:


> Wrestlingguy, I love your passion and commitment, but I can't let this post go by without a couple of comments. I'm not saying you are wrong, just that there is at least one alternate viewpoint on these. I've re-arranged the post to address two different issues.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Ed, I've chatted with you in the past. I think we've both been around here about the same amount of time, so I will do my best to respond respectfully to your response to my post.

1. It's not my intent to get anyone to see it "my way".  People are entitled to their opinion, as I am mine, but there are some issues that are so elementary (like self respect), that I can't let it go without lambasting that person, as their lack of such has an adverse effect on the rest of the world.
Sorry, just can't let that pass. It's like trying to stop a guy from driving at 90 miles an hour through a library. He's gonna have some collateral damage, and even if it's unintentional, someone has to at least "try" to stop it.

2. All of my friends are non judgmental of me, and I of them. I don't have many friends, but those that are close to me are the best friends one could have. A great case in point is Uncanny Bruceman. We disagree on politics, religion, and feederism, yet we remain best freinds. Why? What we do together has nothing to do with the differences we have. We respect each others thought processes, and know that wherever we are in our lives, we have put some thought into what got us there.
That non judgmental friendship goes beyond FA's like Bruce, though. I have many close friends that don't understand my preference for the curvy body. Despite that, they never question it. There is a "respect" (remember that word?? LOL) that whatever I do, they support it. So, anyone who would judge me based on my preference would get a goodbye & FU from me. I actually had several of those over the years, and getting rid of them can be a good thing for one's own sense of self worth.

3. Yes, telling them to get some self respect is tantamount to telling someone to lose weight, but who cares? You seem to forget the collateral damage these guys cause to countless ladies who have to deal with them.
Listen, if someone hit me up side the head a few times, I'm sure after a while I'd tell them not to hit me up side the head, regardless of their emotional state.

By the way, most of the time that men have had their manhood questioned about this issue have come from comments made by the ladies. I thought it would be a good idea if it came from another man, someone who's not here to impress anyone so I can date them.........what I'm saying is that there is no ulterior motive for me to comment as I have, except to say that there will be thousands more posts about this subject in many forums beside Dimensions, but my repsonse about self respect & being a man will always be the same.

Only strength & consistency can change the world, my friend.


----------



## olwen (Jun 24, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Emory, I appreciate your posts and your input. You strike me as a person that always wants to be fair in his ideals. I want to agree with that part of your post that I quoted. On some level, I want to be able to do that. However...have you ever been in the company of a person that openly states they are ashamed to be seen with you? and then top it off with them saying they find people that look like you really attractive....but they won't say that to others because the "others" won't allow it.
> As a human being, how "open" and "welcoming" would you feel towards this person? Tell me you wouldn't feel some kind of immense frustration....maybe even an intense dislike, of a person that does this to you.
> Now take it further again....what if you had dated and become emotionally involved with a person like this? What if a person like this had not only posted this stuff on the net....but had actually done it to you? Had made you feel like abject and utter shit?
> I know that you are human....and I'm sure you would admit it would be hard for you....even if you believe it's the "right thing to do".
> ...



Yes



wrestlingguy said:


> Ed, I've chatted with you in the past. I think we've both been around here about the same amount of time, so I will do my best to respond respectfully to your response to my post.
> 
> 1. It's not my intent to get anyone to see it "my way". People are entitled to their opinion, as I am mine, but there are some issues that are so elementary (like self respect), that I can't let it go without lambasting that person, as their lack of such has an adverse effect on the rest of the world.
> Sorry, just can't let that pass. It's like trying to stop a guy from driving at 90 miles an hour through a library. He's gonna have some collateral damage, and even if it's unintentional, someone has to at least "try" to stop it.
> ...



And Yes again. Thank you both.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 25, 2008)

Also, I want to point out...and I think Wrestling guy touched upon it too, that when someone is in the closet...it's NOT just about them. It's ALSO about the person/people they date (if they choose to do so).


----------



## olwen (Jun 25, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Also, I want to point out...and I think Wrestling guy touched upon it too, that when someone is in the closet...it's NOT just about them. It's ALSO about the person/people they date (if they choose to do so).



Which is what I tried to illustrate in my earlier posts.


----------



## The Fez (Jun 25, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Also, I want to point out...and I think Wrestling guy touched upon it too, that when someone is in the closet...it's NOT just about them. It's ALSO about the person/people they date (if they choose to do so).



Good point. Unfortunately the intial intent of this thread has been derailed a bit, since actions and behaviour would be different considerably if I had (or had ever had) a significant other.

Guh. Worst thread idea ever.


----------



## olwen (Jun 25, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> Good point. Unfortunately the intial intent of this thread has been derailed a bit, since actions and behaviour would be different considerably if I had (or had ever had) a significant other.
> 
> Guh. Worst thread idea ever.



Fez, it's good you feel that way. It really is, but I can guarantee there are a lot of so called FAs who just don't see it that way. Us bbws know this because we have meet way more of them than we could have cared to. Coming across just one does plenty of damage; enough to possibly sabotage future encounters with honest men. To encounter more....well, I'm sure you can imagine why some of us feel so strongly about this and why this topic will come up again and again. This thread will be one of many. It's par for the course.


----------



## Gingembre (Jun 25, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> Good point. Unfortunately the intial intent of this thread has been derailed a bit, since actions and behaviour would be different considerably if I had (or had ever had) a significant other.
> 
> Guh. Worst thread idea ever.



Not the worst thread ever. Hopefully you got some good advice/contacts on the subject. Like you said, it's just gone off on a bit of a tangent. Never mind.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 25, 2008)

olwen said:


> Which is what I tried to illustrate in my earlier posts.



Sorry, I just thought it was worth repeating  


@ Fez....I do have to say I admire your tenacity. You didn't run away, you said what you wanted to say..... and for that I give you a cookie  

You might have what it takes after all :happy:


----------



## The Fez (Jun 25, 2008)

This whole thread was really a set up in aid of getting a cookiee


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 25, 2008)

That's okay.....most men in the world are really just after cookies anyway


----------



## olwen (Jun 25, 2008)

said cookies still have to be earned.


----------



## waldo (Jun 26, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> I've gotten embroiled in a little battle on the boards of another website (that will remain nameless), and the OP started a thread about a YouTube Video titled "Would you date a fat chick?"
> 
> Check out what I felt the need to respond to........
> 
> ...



It has been noted previously that FAs tend to be disproportianately involved in technical occupations such as science and engineering. Maybe that is only true for the out of closet FAs, because it is easier in those professions to get ahead based on your ability and performance than on image. The poster from the other board sounds like he is involved in a very image-centric career which might suffer if he were open about himself but it would be so worth it and even if it meant getting a different job. Suppressing yourself just takes too much of a toll over time - including the collateral damage inflicted on the fat chicks he bones on the side.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jun 26, 2008)

waldo said:


> It has been noted previously that FAs tend to be disproportianately involved in technical occupations such as science and engineering. Maybe that is only true for the out of closet FAs, because it is easier in those professions to get ahead based on your ability and performance than on image. The poster from the other board sounds like he is involved in a very image-centric career which might suffer if he were open about himself but it would be so worth it and even if it meant getting a different job. Suppressing yourself just takes too much of a toll over time - including the collateral damage inflicted on the fat chicks he bones on the side.



I think it's shameful that someone would feel that he had to live that way. I've always found that the best thing for yourself and for others is to be honest.


----------



## hillking12 (Jun 27, 2008)

to be honest with u i can really understand were fez is coming from not many ppl now about my prefrence fpr larger but only a few. I dont even now were to start to tell some of my other friends.


----------



## Chimpi (Jun 27, 2008)

hillking12 said:


> to be honest with u i can really understand were fez is coming from not many ppl now about my prefrence fpr larger but only a few. *I dont even now were to start to tell some of my other friends.*



Why should you feel that you have to tell your other friends?
What has worked best for me, and for many others in this thread, is this:

Date fat women
Enjoy fat women
Respond accordingly to questions pertaining to fat women that come about from friends
Rinse and repeat, but always remember to respect and love yourself

That's incredibly generic, but many people here agree that it is not something you even need to "Come Out" to. I hope some day you and many other "Fat Admirers" realize that it is not shameful to feel as you do and have the preference/orientation you do. It's no different than anything else.


----------



## The Fez (Jun 27, 2008)

Agreed; it's not important to show yourself off as an FA as such, but if somebody asks you about it, don't deny it. That's what I tend to do, and I might get stick for it, but you get past it.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jun 27, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> Agreed; it's not important to show yourself off as an FA as such, but if somebody asks you about it, don't deny it. That's what I tend to do, and I might get stick for it, but you get past it.



This is what I do also. I don't go out of my way to broadcast my preferences, but if asked, I will not hesitate to state them. My attitude is that a person only lives once and we need to go after what it is we want.


----------



## wrestlingguy (Jul 2, 2008)

I've been getting quite a bit of heat on another website for posting about "closet FA's" and made an anolgy of cowardice, and in one case, where the FA said he cared less about how a woman would feel by his FA denial, I called him a "selfish prick".

After the most recent set of flames, I did my best to explain my feelings to what I think may be a younger group of FA's, thinking that I didn't elaborate sufficiently for them to understand my understanding of what it takes to be a true FA. Here is my post, and if anyone thinks I'm wrong in any of what I'm saying, I am always ready to stand corrected.



> Let's start here. I'm a FA. I am attracted to fat women, they arouse me. That is a sexual preference, do we agree (I hope so.). Now, while I am a FA, I do not wear it on my sleeve, pronouce it to the world. The sexual aspects of my romantic life with my wife are so sacred to me that I prefer to keep it private, probably much like you do. I also don't hide my preference, which is dissimilar to you. I love my wife, who is fat, and who is also a webmodel. Some of my wife's pictures have been circulated on the net for the purpose of ridicule, and I have had many people confront me with "hey, is that your wife in this picture?" As someone who is not afraid to show my preference for fat girls, and as someone who loves & supports my wife in her internet venture, I am very forthright in answering their questions. I'm sure you know that most people don't understand the fat attraction, no less the idea of a fat girl having a paysite that guys subscibe to for the primary purpose of wanking to pics & videos.
> 
> Some of you also know by my previous posts that I recently left a job over just that. My boss decided that my preference for fat women, and what my wife does, was funny enough to share with other co-workers who thought it was funny enough to share with others, and created what is legally known in the US as a "hostile work environment", which falls under sexual harrassment laws. Even though I had a legal cause of action, I chose not to pursue it in court becuase doing so would have violated our private lives, and Carla and I thought enough of oursleves to keep that part of our lives private. As a result, I walked away from a very good paying job to another position (thnkfully that paid even more), but I made sure that prior to my departure that I made the point that acceptance not only of size preference, but any political belief, religious credo, sexual preference, etc.....could not be treated within that company in the same manner as how I was treated. My boss was forced to enroll in an employee relations class, and the owner of the company admitted that they as a corporate entity need to get out of the "good old boy" stone age attitude about how they approach their employees, and who they are AFTER the 10-12 hour days after they complete their work day. All of my friends were very supportive as friends are, when I related my feelings during that time. At no time did I ever discuss the sexual aspects of my relationship with Carla with any of them. They only dealt with the issue that my employer was potentially violating the law, and treating their friend in an unfair manner, and it was related to who their friend is, which is a FA who very much loves his wife.
> 
> ...


----------



## olwen (Jul 2, 2008)

WG, sounds like truth to me.


----------



## RobitusinZ (Jul 2, 2008)

When I was 16, I dated a 23 year old BBW. I ended up dumping her for a more "appropriate" girl after like 3 or 4 months. I kept in touch with that BBW, and over time, she evolved into the absolute greatest love I've ever had in my life. I think my fascination with BBWs stems completely from her. We never "got it together" enough to form a stable relationship, though the sex and connection were just other-worldly. I've always been ashamed of how I treated her.

So, my advice, forget what anyone else thinks...your life is your own. Don't throw away what could be a perfect love for the sake of "appropriate".


----------



## Lastminute.Tom (Jul 2, 2008)

RobitusinZ said:


> So, my advice, forget what anyone else thinks...your life is your own. Don't throw away what could be a perfect love for the sake of "appropriate".



VIOLATE PROPRIETY!

if I ever get a band together that'll be the name of our first album


----------



## RobitusinZ (Jul 2, 2008)

Lastminute.Tom said:


> VIOLATE PROPRIETY!
> 
> if I ever get a band together that'll be the name of our first album



*quietly raises devil horns in solemn admiration*


----------



## JMNYC (Jul 2, 2008)

Twelve years here and no one's made a crack. Nor a snicker. 

Guess we have some good friends.

I am also a writer, and my friends read what I publish, some of which is fat positive. So if you don't know about me after that, you need glasses.

On the other hand, I had lunch with a childhood buddy last week and we talked about a friend of ours who loves models, and married a former one.

"Who wouldn't?" my pal said in all seriousness.

He assumed, I guess, that all men like "models".

I didn't touch it, though.

If I open up the box of my mind, it usually gives people a headache. There isn't anywhere to begin.


----------

