# Thin privilege!!



## skinnychick (Feb 16, 2019)

Hey I'm a thin petite girl who hates the fact that I have Thin privilege as it's so unfair as Bigger woman/men can be so beautiful and talented.

Please can you post examples of Thin privilege below and how Thin girls like myself can help.
Thank you


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## landshark (Feb 17, 2019)

I read this recently and almost shared it here. Now that someone has started a discussion it may be worth a once over.

Certainly I do not agree with everything and I am extremely hesitant to attaché that word “privilege” to any descriptor (White, thin, etc) but for the sake of this discussion the article is a good starting point, OP.

https://everydayfeminism.com/2012/11/20-examples-of-thin-privilege/


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## Tad (Feb 20, 2019)

Skinnychick: as a suggestion, look around you sometimes and think about how many fat people are there. If the ratio seems low, try to identify the barriers (lack of seating they'd fit in, too much standing, social judgement, difficulty in finding the right clothes or gear....). It should help you become more aware on this.

On most of it you can't do a lot, but as you get more aware you may see opportunity to do something occasionally. Like if where you work is getting new chairs, raise the fact that one size does not fit all. If you are helping to organise an event make sure it is accessible to all sorts of bodies and mobilities. If you hear people making assumptions about someone just because they are fat, speak up.


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## escapist (Jun 10, 2019)

I would say do not worry about it. Lots of types of privilege exist, saying one is more important than the other isn't necessary, feeling bad about it isn't necessary. Haven't lost 150 lbs I can tell you I'm feel happy just to be able to tie my shoes without loosing my breath anymore. I'm still 400 lbs. I can't even imagine what it's like living in a small persons world, but I don't think you should feel bad about it, quite the opposite. I'd want you to be grateful for what you have naturally, support others that don't have it.


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## skinnychick (Jul 24, 2019)

escapist said:


> I would say do not worry about it. Lots of types of privilege exist, saying one is more important than the other isn't necessary, feeling bad about it isn't necessary. Haven't lost 150 lbs I can tell you I'm feel happy just to be able to tie my shoes without loosing my breath anymore. I'm still 400 lbs. I can't even imagine what it's like living in a small persons world, but I don't think you should feel bad about it, quite the opposite. I'd want you to be grateful for what you have naturally, support others that don't have it.


Thank u


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## agouderia (Jul 24, 2019)

skinnychick said:


> how Thin girls like myself can help. Thank you



The best and easiest thing is stop making size an issue.

Body size - in the positive as well as negative - receives a way dispropotional amount of attention today. A person's size is one of the least important and accurate ways of categorizing anybody. 
So freezing out discussions about the issue is a way to help establish a less aggressive and more humane approach to the individual.


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## BigElectricKat (Jul 24, 2019)

skinnychick said:


> Hey I'm a thin petite girl who hates the fact that I have Thin privilege as it's so unfair as Bigger woman/men can be so beautiful and talented.
> 
> Please can you post examples of Thin privilege below and how Thin girls like myself can help.
> Thank you


I sort of struggled with finding something useful or constructive to reply your post. While I commend you on wanting to take a stand against fat shaming (I think that's what you are doing), I also have to your mind on something: Don't hate that people treat you with the appropriate human kindness and respect. In my mind, you don't exactly have "thin privilege". It's more akin to others being discriminated against because they are bigger (okay, fat). 

Thin is a relative term to begin with. What's thin to some may not be to others. Someone may consider you thin while others see you as average sized. And you might have possibly been slightly overweight to the runway models of the 60's and 70's (they didn't call one Twiggy for nothing). Conversely, I am not skinny at all, but am obviously not fat enough for any of the lovely FFA's to take notice of. But I'm not going to lament a case for "fat privilege" (at least not yet ). But I digress.

I would say that I would love it if you just champion the cause for acceptance. You don't have to start fights or arguments when you see an injustice being done. But it helps to just support and educate people when you come across someone being discriminated against due to their size.

Thank you for just being a supporter. We could all use a little more.


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## Emmy (Jul 25, 2019)

happily_married said:


> I read this recently and almost shared it here. Now that someone has started a discussion it may be worth a once over.
> 
> Certainly I do not agree with everything and I am extremely hesitant to attaché that word “privilege” to any descriptor (White, thin, etc) but for the sake of this discussion the article is a good starting point, OP.
> 
> https://everydayfeminism.com/2012/11/20-examples-of-thin-privilege/


some of .....most of those were spot on!! ..... im still gonna eat those donuts though >.>


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## landshark (Jul 25, 2019)

Emmy said:


> some of .....most of those were spot on!! ..... im still gonna eat those donuts though >.>



Go for it! Eat an extra one for me!


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## Shotha (Jul 26, 2019)

agouderia said:


> The best and easiest thing is stop making size an issue.



I almost agree with this. (Gainers can be something of an exception.) The best advice that I can give @skinnychick on this issue is not to regard every reference to a person being big or fat as being discriminatory or a put down. I often overhear people saying things like "Go and have a word with the fat guy" or "Frank's the fat guy over there." These are merely references to a very noticeable feature to identify me in a crowd. They are not meant to offend and, in my case, they don't. Leaping to someone's defense in circumstances like this just turns it into an issue. I know that I'm fat and I don't get upset when someone mentions the fact.


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## landshark (Jul 26, 2019)

agouderia said:


> The best and easiest thing is stop making size an issue.
> 
> Body size - in the positive as well as negative - receives a way dispropotional amount of attention today. A person's size is one of the least important and accurate ways of categorizing anybody.
> So freezing out discussions about the issue is a way to help establish a less aggressive and more humane approach to the individual.



I think there’s a lot to this. I go back to my days before I was married and I felt like I had to assure every bigger girl I pursued that I was legitimately into bigger girls. I kept drawing attention to something they didn’t necessarily want attention drawn to. It’s a very rare plus size woman who truly and legitimately enjoys having her weight/size pointed out.

The advice to stop making size an issue is sound. I eventually just waited for her to bring it up. I figured if they wanted to know why I was with them (read: why are you with a big girl?) they’d ask. Some did, some didn’t. The ones who didn’t got the hint when I constantly talked about how hot they are. Or they’d be critical of something and I’d just say i think she’s perfect. (Even that can be a minefield because it can seem patronizing of not delivered properly.) 

The ones who asked later in my dating days got a much more dynamic answer than the ones who asked early on. I went from a blunt and not thought out “I like fat girls” to explaining I pursue what I’m physically attracted to and hope I can find the right combination of chemistry and physical preference. Or words to that effect. 

It’s crazy because I’ve seen how some women don’t like the narrative “he sees me as perfect DESPITE my weight.” I don’t like that either. But you also can’t see someone as perfect BECAUSE of her weight. You’ve effectively reduced her status as a person in either context. A good balance is “your weight is part of what makes you perfect.”

In that way it’s a component of a person’s perfection and not the object of affection itself.


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## agouderia (Jul 26, 2019)

happily_married - I agree with what you wrote. 
But neither the OP nor myself were referring to the situation of personal, let alone initimate relationships.

It was more about the 90% of other, much more casual interactions and situations we have with people - friends, colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances, etc. etc. - every day.

And that way to many of these interactions turn to the - actually extremely private - issue of someone's size or body and related to that some food fad, diet recommendations, intentions and real or perceived successes. 

For most fat, even for many just moderately overweight people - women probably slightly more than men - these are annoying to stressful situations. Because one immediately gets caught in the position of having to justify oneself for what are extremely private matters.

So making clear that discussing such personal issues - which would be totally outlawed if it weren't about the social fetish of weight - is inadmissibile and inappropriate; that it's a violation of personal boundaries would help many be more relaxed in social situations.

Fat positivity on that scale comes many steps later, imo.


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## landshark (Jul 26, 2019)

agouderia said:


> happily_married - I agree with what you wrote.
> But neither the OP nor myself were referring to the situation of personal, let alone initimate relationships.



Thank you, you’re right. Consider me appropriately chastised and chagrined for wandering off topic. 

And to that end, I agree again with your statement I quoted earlier. Simply don’t make size an issue. Make it as normal as anything else: hair color, ethnicity, and so on. Size is just another physical characteristic and doesn’t need to be a focal point.

I’ve definitely witnessed it in work and other social situations. i hate the way it makes a person feel awkward and sometimes trying to say something to make them feel better only makes it worse, since you’re again drawing attention to something personal. 

Lastly I also agree with you it affects women more than men. Society is far more forgiving of a big guy than they are a big girl. I don’t know why this is. It’s probably worth it’s own discussion amongst the Dims regulars. I’m sure some guys would even disagree with the premise outright.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 26, 2019)

happily_married said:


> Thank you, you’re right. Consider me appropriately chastised and chagrined for wandering off topic.
> 
> And to that end, I agree again with your statement I quoted earlier. Simply don’t make size an issue. Make it as normal as anything else: hair color, ethnicity, and so on. Size is just another physical characteristic and doesn’t need to be a focal point.
> 
> ...



Lol, oh indeed they have before


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## JDavis (Jul 27, 2019)

I see people saying " we need to fight for body positivity" but it makes me wonder how can you stop someone from being bigoted? You may be able to get them to stop saying bigoted stuff, but as we see lately with racism and sexism rising up in this country, the bigotry is still there underneath. 

I guess educating people when you can to your views is the best you can do. 

The thing that gets me is that people don't even realize it is bigoted to say that being fat is worse than being thin. That is square one! Like they will talk about how they are trying to not be fat right in front of a fat person in public with no second thought at all. Can you imagine someone saying they are glad they are not Black, gay, a woman or Asian right in front of one such person in public? I can't and I have been around a long time. I think even pointing out to people that that basic supposition is a problem is the first start.

Unfortunately fat phobia is going in the wrong direction. It is increasing, not decreasing right now. Just saw a study. Having a 8 year first lady who's mission it was to increase fat phobia certainly did not help.


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## extra_m13 (Jul 27, 2019)

in that department we are still a long way to go, personally for every lady i meet i am thinking about fat privileges


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## John Smith (Jul 27, 2019)

extra_m13 said:


> in that department we are still a long way to go, personally for every lady i meet i am thinking about fat privileges



I don't think there exists such a thing like "obese privilege" in Western culture.


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## FlabbyFrank (Jul 27, 2019)

skinnychick said:


> Hey I'm a thin petite girl who hates the fact that I have Thin privilege as it's so unfair as Bigger woman/men can be so beautiful and talented.
> 
> Please can you post examples of Thin privilege below and how Thin girls like myself can help.
> Thank you



How about dating and coming on to fat dudes, become a chubby chaser

As a fat guy, I always seem to wind up with the skinny chick somehow, when I would prefer an overweight or obese partner !


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## agouderia (Jul 28, 2019)

JDavis said:


> I see people saying " we need to fight for body positivity" but it makes me wonder how can you stop someone from being bigoted? You may be able to get them to stop saying bigoted stuff, but as we see lately with racism and sexism rising up in this country, the bigotry is still there underneath.
> 
> I guess educating people when you can to your views is the best you can do.
> 
> ...



Amen to all of this! 

All would be achieved if it was the social norm that speaking about someone's weight - directly to them or behind their backs - is an inadmissible transgression of boundaries into the personal sphere.

Also agree with the First Lady issue - she lost me when she openly violated the privacy rights of her own, then still underage, daughters!


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## Shotha (Jul 29, 2019)

John Smith said:


> I don't think there exists such a thing like "obese privilege" in Western culture.



I remember when I lived in Auckland. I used to go to visit my best friend, a Chinese guy in his shop, which sold furniture and ornaments, on Wednesday afternoons, which I had off work at the time. We would sit and watch the fat guys go by. When one of them came into the shop and bought something, he would always put an extra little item, always something really nice, into a brown paper bag and hand it to them, saying with a smile, "And here's a little something extra for you."

I've also noticed that, when seconds are dished out at events including a meal, I'm always offered a big extra helping, often with words like, "You look like a guy, who could manage a second helping."

I think that fat privilege exists, even if it can be hard to find.


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## John Smith (Jul 29, 2019)

Shotha said:


> I remember when I lived in Auckland. I used to go to visit my best friend, a Chinese guy in his shop, which sold furniture and ornaments, on Wednesday afternoons, which I had off work at the time. We would sit and watch the fat guys go by. When one of them came into the shop and bought something, he would always put an extra little item, always something really nice, into a brown paper bag and hand it to them, saying with a smile, "And here's a little something extra for you."
> 
> I've also noticed that, when seconds are dished out at events including a meal, I'm always offered a big extra helping, often with words like, "You look like a guy, who could manage a second helping."
> 
> I think that fat privilege exists, even if it can be hard to find.



That is not how widescale social privileges works. That's not even a social privilege at all.


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## Shotha (Jul 29, 2019)

John Smith said:


> That is not how widescale social privileges works. That's not even a social privilege at all.



I realize that. One only has to observe what happens to fat men in gay venues. They can be made to feel very unwelcome. Many people will not even talk to them. This is why fat gay men organize their own special social venues and activities. The important thing is not to let these privileges grind you down. One has to keep in mind the places where social privilege is temporarily suspended.


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