# who is/was the hardest person to tell and why?



## exile in thighville (Apr 7, 2009)

i've told my dad and my friends straight up: "i like fat girls."

but my relationship with my mom is shaky and i'd be grateful to never ever have to discuss my sexuality with her. so i've been fortunate; she has met two or three fat girls i've brought home, so she can't possibly not know, and she's been nothing but polite to them, which is all i could ask. but my dad's hinted that she's "not thrilled," and after i casually lost 20-30 lbs. she said "you're not gonna get fat again are you?" i was only 160 at my highest, my dad's probably 200 and always somewhat struggled, i feel bad for him if she thought i was fat.


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## wrench13 (Apr 7, 2009)

I've only had to state the obvious to a few blockheaded people I know. My family and most friends got the idea that I liked fat girls after I brought home quite a few, and when my buds and I would go out clubbing, I would always wind up with the fattest one in the club. LOL, in fact they would scope out the club FOR fat chicks for me! And when asked why, then I would tell them, "Cuz thats what I find hot" or similar response. 
Very few people in my life have asked me that, they kinda get it after a while. The only family member who was a dick about it was my middle brother, a jock and a real asshole from elpaso. With out a shred of tact, he even questioned me in front of my date (who I was quite serious about) and even started in on her, and was getting graphic to boot. 
I cut that conversation short, and decided to cut this person, who was only related to me by chance and not choice, out of my life as much as possible. 

Being a FA, and 'out of the closet' means that most people will catch on eventualy, and most dont really care. 

And, congrats on the FA/FFA board!


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## CCC (Apr 7, 2009)

It was definitely hardest to tell my mother. Although we're very close (it's just been me and her my whole life; no siblings or father), or perhaps as a result of that, I was concerned that she would never look at me the same way again or some nonsense like that. Of course my fear was completley unfounded, as I was raised in a very liberal household in which she promoted acceptance for all groups.

It hasn't really come up with friends (although like many, I've hinted), mostly because I've never had a girlfriend. When I do find someone, though, I imagine it will become obvious. I won't make any efforts to hide _her_ in my proverbial closet, anyway.


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## Wild Zero (Apr 7, 2009)

It wasn't hard for me to tell my parents, as they'd both made it very clear that they'd accept anyone I dated if that person loved and respected me. It never really pops up in everyday conversation but I'm open about my preference. 

Not so much the hardest person to tell but definitely my most most awkward FA moment was back in middle school hanging out at a friends house. We were on his computer goofing off with Powerpoint and I thought it'd be brilliant to have two straight pages of "FUCK" all caps. So I ctrl-v'd it and instead of FUCK pasted a link to something like feeder.co.uk. Mortified, I slammed on backspace while my friend acted like it was a product of his dad browsing "weird porn sites" and switched off the surge protector. I made an excuse to leave and ran the half mile home having a mini-breakdown. After about two weeks of trying my best to avoid him I was browsing some weight gain fiction libraries when I spotted his screenname listed as the author of two of the latest additions to a site. 

...Dad on "weird porn sites" my ass.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Apr 7, 2009)

Oddly enough, not so much my parents or any of my friends. 

The hardest person to tell was this girl I was dating. It was pretty serious, well, as serious as I had been in at the time. It was when I was still coming to terms with how hardcore my FAness truly was. 

I just couldn't get into her physically because she was thin. Basically, I've never had to do it again and I never will, but yeah, I had to end it because I felt I could never give her the physical attention she deserved. It was a terrible experience.


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## Tad (Apr 7, 2009)

For me, it was definitely my wife that was hardest to tell (well, back when I was telling her, she was just my girlfriend). Then again, she is the only one that Ive ever really told as such, as Im generally of the belief that show >> tell. Anyone else, eh, they saw me dating her as she got heavier, and me being as affectionate as ever or more so, and never being bothered by her weight or her eating, etc, and they could pretty much come to their own conclusions. (Id not really done any dating of note before going out with her).

Telling her though, was more nerve wracking, because I didnt want to scare her off. I never made one big pronouncement, but then again back at that time I didnt have the benefit of Dimensions to give me a whole vocabulary and reference group to know what I was. So it was more a process of gradual comments, hints, encouragements, and so on. And again, show >> tell, so I always considered it more important to show that I loved her at each new size (buying her new clothes, taking her out and instigating public shows of affection, paying lots of attention to all parts of her body, etc)If I knew then what I know now, I might have done things differently, but isnt that always the case?


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## mergirl (Apr 7, 2009)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Oddly enough, not so much my parents or any of my friends.
> 
> The hardest person to tell was this girl I was dating. It was pretty serious, well, as serious as I had been in at the time. It was when I was still coming to terms with how hardcore my FAness truly was.
> 
> I just couldn't get into her physically because she was thin. Basically, I've never had to do it again and I never will, but yeah, I had to end it because I felt I could never give her the physical attention she deserved. It was a terrible experience.


I understand this..its awful! Also, weirdly enough, i think it can be the hardest to actually tell fat people you are dating that you are an Fa. Well for me anyway.. I sort of have to build up to it..like mention lots of fat famous people i like, then make wee comments like 'oh i never fancy skinny people'.. then i force them to whore their arses in dimensions! In all seriousness though..i think fat people are the hardest to tell because i have had some pretty shocking responses from fat people in the past.


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## Ben from England (Apr 7, 2009)

For me, it was never really an issue with parents. Mum knew (good old internet history) since I was like 13, and I've been totally open since about 16. Shown her pics, dims and all that good stuff. Same with close friends. I was more nervous and less open around my Dad, who knew I liked big girls, but had a pretty different definition of it than me. I was shocked at how much of a non issue it turned out to be.

Hardest for me is when it comes up around people I don't know. When meeting a friend of a friend, for example, as often as someone will say 'Oh, you're the guy who's into films' or something, I'll get 'Oh, you're the guy who's into fat girls'. At a recent engagement party, a group of my friends parents gathered round all curious and interrogated me. Now, I don't play it down, but it kind of bugs me that it comes up so often as something that defines me. Kind of reminds me I'm outside the norm in that respect. 
Extended family gatherings can be awkward as well. Last Christmas I was at a big family do with the aunts, uncles and cousins, and the topic of my holidays to America, and, of course, eventually the BBW bashes I attended came up. My nine year old cousin was, in a very sweet and innocent way, fascinated by the whole thing. She also loved the sound of the term 'Chubby Chaser' and repeated it in song for about three hours after she heard my Dad say it (I never use the term FA or anything to describe myself to people outside the community, it's a bit subculture-y). When enough alcohol had been consumed, it was time for karaoke. Painful at the best of times, when I stumbled up to the mic, none other than Sir Mixalots I Like Big Butts was cued up. Sometimes it's kinda like 'Ok, we have established that Ben likes fat girls. Can we please move on to charades?' 

So for me, the less I know someone, the more awkward it tends to be.


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## samuraiscott (Apr 7, 2009)

I never gave a flying funaki about what other people thought, simply because I like what I like. There have been a few skinny girls I have liked, and if one found me interesting or attractive, I would not close the door on the possibility of a relationship....I just happend to prefer big chicks. So, to me, there was never a "coming out"......I never cared what anyone else thought about the size of the girls I have dated. But, for those of you whose family or friends have been unreceptive or cruel or whatever-they will never know what it's like to be with a BBW or to be made love to by her. Feel sorry for them, if you can  :bow:


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## Melian (Apr 7, 2009)

To echo a few others, the hardest people to tell were the guys I dated. Usually because a lot of them were only sort of fat...a lot of 280 lb guys who still seem to think that they're 200 lb. So they were definitely hot and I was attracted, but if I say WHY I'm attracted they will get offended. This goes double for guys who were gaining (unintentionally).


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## furious styles (Apr 7, 2009)

Wild Zero said:


> ...Dad on "weird porn sites" my ass.



cool story bro but mine's worse

it was .. i wanna say 7th or 8th grade. i'm using the family computer (back in my day families had only one computer) to write a paper. i did have my own partition though, so i could somewhat get away with keeping some contraband (read: fat porn) on there. though i was still paranoid and usually deleted anything i downloaded pretty much immediately (not because i was afraid of being "found out," i think my parents have always at least kind of known, more because when you're a kid you never want your parents to find your stash). 

so this paper is dragging ass and i'm alone in the office room so i decide to peep some stuff out. i'm in the midst of downloading a movie clip (a paysite preview clip or something, if memory serves) when my mother bursts into the room unexpectedly and starts chatting me up. an emergency window closing burst and switch back over to microsoft word and i think everything is cool. that's when she decides to read part of my paper. imagine this; she's leaning in close to the screen, reading the last paragraph ..... when the video, for some horrible, horrible reason, opens and starts to play. 

i don't know how this happened, i still really don't to this day, but it somehow got set to autoplay. 

my whole body goes numb and cold. my mother is staring directly at a naked fat chick (who many of you probably know of but who's name i shall withhold) gyrating around on the screen. for the longest 5 seconds of my life i'm absolutely pinned to my chair, frozen while my brain is exploding in my head.

finally i managed to yelp out a couple of unintelligible words and force a laugh out like _"HEY WHOA HAHA WHAT IS THAT"_ while i'm slamming ctrl-w on the keyboard about thirty times. 

i told her it must have been "some kind of online porn ad or something" because i had been "browsing around." she goes to ask my stepdad about it. i do my best to convince them both of my incredibly unbelievable story then just avoid them for the rest of the day, still racked with nervousness. 

anyway that will always stick with me. i can laugh now, but damn.


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## James (Apr 7, 2009)

I got a pretty rough parental ride with my aesthetic being labeled a mental illness at a relatively early age... Over the years, change has been slow and attritional and I've often wondered if I've done more harm than good to those around me by continuing to fight my parents, crow-barring information in against their will? The romantic choice is to ditch one's family for the sake of love in such situations but its not always that simple to give up on trying to 'broaden' the world view of one's family... as well as parents they are potential future parents in law or grandparents and I think most would want to try and find a balance there? Its difficult for some FAs (and perhaps its a whole other thread?)

The toughest people to come out to were my college friends (age 16-18). Peer pressure and concerns over peer judgement are such a huge factor to most teens. I was not very different. In the end though, I only lost one friend to the 'grossed out' factor and the majority of the rest of the people I was friends with either a) already guessed it or b) didn't care.


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## exile in thighville (Apr 7, 2009)

furious styles said:


> cool story bro but mine's worse
> 
> it was .. i wanna say 7th or 8th grade. i'm using the family computer (back in my day families had only one computer) to write a paper. i did have my own partition though, so i could somewhat get away with keeping some contraband (read: fat porn) on there. though i was still paranoid and usually deleted anything i downloaded pretty much immediately (not because i was afraid of being "found out," i think my parents have always at least kind of known, more because when you're a kid you never want your parents to find your stash).
> 
> ...



i laughed so hard but i may be able to top this. similar setup, i'd have to sneak downstairs to family computer every night to see fatporn and delete the evidence, except i did have a tiny stash (hidden folder _suckas_, who's your bill gates). except one night i must've hit "set as desktop background" instead of "save picture as"...


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## Carrie (Apr 7, 2009)

Very interesting responses thus far. It would not have occurred to me that a fat person would have trouble hearing her partner was a FA, but once I thought about it, I realized that I would have had that very same reaction many years ago. So it probably has a lot to do with where the partner is in terms of accepting his/her fatness, etc. 

For those who've had trouble telling their parents, I'd be very interested in learning whether your mother or father reacted in a worse manner. It seems like I hear more stories about mothers being horrified by their sons' orientation, and my theory is that it's a by-product of the female tendency to obsess about weight, and to live in dire fear of becoming fat. Sort of like, "I've spent my entire life trying NOT to be fat, and my son goes out and seeks out fat girls?? Preposterous!", that kind of amazed/outraged reaction. Not to say that men don't have a similar phenomenon, but I do think the numbers are skewed more towards women.


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## swamptoad (Apr 7, 2009)

I never told anyone. I just was incredibly shy. But someone found me (to start things off.) :doh: :blush: I believe she noticed that I was noticing her and then she pretty much initiated things. We met each other in our workplace. I found a job as a dishwasher and she was a server. Her name was Cheri. 

My Mom, nor my sis, nor anyone really said anything to me about her weight. This was my first relationship. And it was nice while it lasted. 

I was never weirded about this nor was anybody else. My friends were cool and respectful. 

So, I just let things happen. I didn't bother telling anyone beforehand or worrying about stuff. I was 18 at the time, I believe.


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## Tad (Apr 7, 2009)

Carrie;

While I never told my parents per se, I had more resistance from my Mom (it was only really one discussion with a hint that I could do better, but in my family that counts as thundering disaproval). 

I think another part of the the reason that it is more often Mom that is the bigger issue is that in general/on average I think women are more apt to think of 'success' in social terms than are men. To really over-work the stereotype, Dad worries if it will affect your career, Mom worries what your neigbors think, what her friends will think, and what her grandchildren's school teachers will think. Obviously those would not be the only reason (I agree with what you said too, I'm sure there may be more factors as well), but I think it may be part of it.


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## Carrie (Apr 7, 2009)

edx said:


> Carrie;
> 
> While I never told my parents per se, I had more resistance from my Mom (it was only really one discussion with a hint that I could do better, but in my family that counts as thundering disaproval).
> 
> I think another part of the the reason that it is more often Mom that is the bigger issue is that in general/on average I think women are more apt to think of 'success' in social terms than are men. To really over-work the stereotype, Dad worries if it will affect your career, Mom worries what your neigbors think, what her friends will think, and what her grandchildren's school teachers will think. Obviously those would not be the only reason (I agree with what you said too, I'm sure there may be more factors as well), but I think it may be part of it.


That's an excellent point, Ed; I hadn't considered that. I'm also wondering if some parental objections stem from concern about potential life difficulties their child may face, e.g. the concern a parent may have when their homosexual child comes out. I don't know, just kind of wondering aloud here.


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## Wild Zero (Apr 7, 2009)

exile in thighville said:


> i laughed so hard but i may be able to top this. similar setup, i'd have to sneak downstairs to family computer every night to see fatporn and delete the evidence, except i did have a tiny stash (hidden folder _suckas_, who's your bill gates). except one night i must've hit "set as desktop background" instead of "save picture as"...



_Mom, Dad and Sister_: Okay, we're headed to the airport to go to Florida, see you in a week!

_Me_: Have a safe trip family! *makes sure the car is down the street* And now to draw the shades and have as much fun on the internet a 14 year old boy can. Fat girls are so rad that I should make a hot photo my background for the next week... right click and we're rolling. This is what being an adult is going to be like.

*one week later, parents have just called from the airport*

_Me_:And now to change the desktop background back to the default Win98 settings, shut down the computer and act natural. 

*Fat porn background pops back up on start up and shut down and WON'T FUCKING GO AWAY*


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## exile in thighville (Apr 7, 2009)

Wild Zero said:


> _Mom, Dad and Sister_: Okay, we're headed to the airport to go to Florida, see you in a week!
> 
> _Me_: Have a safe trip family! *makes sure the car is down the street* And now to draw the shades and have as much fun on the internet a 14 year old boy can. Fat girls are so rad that I should make a hot photo my background for the next week... right click and we're rolling. This is what being an adult is going to be like.
> 
> ...



well like, why would you change the background on purpose?


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## BothGunsBlazing (Apr 7, 2009)

I had many days when my mother would walk into the room and I'd be looking at pictures of fat chicks .. I'd immediately shut the monitor off and spin around 100 miles and hour and scream 

SO, HOW'RE YOU TODAY LATELY? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER? I AM REALLY BUSY. I'M REALLY DEALING WITH SOME STUFF LATELY. THIS IS IMPORTANT. CAN I JUST HAVE A FEW MINUTES AND I'M LOGGING OFF. OH MY GOD, IF YOU JUST LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FEW MINUTES I WILL LOG OFF!!!!! 

All the while I'd have my hands gripped into the side of the armrests so tight I could probably rip them off and I'd dig the heels of my feet into the ground so hard that she'd literally have to kill me to move me from this position and hit that monitor back on. 

I was really really sketchy.

oh and I didn't have Firefox back in the day, so no tabbed windows, so nothing like trying to rapidly close Internet Explorer windows and have it say NOT RESPONDING while you click furiously on the x. CLOSE GODDAMN YOU, CLOSE!!!


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## Wild Zero (Apr 7, 2009)

exile in thighville said:


> well like, why would you change the background on purpose?



Because I thought turning on the computer and having a fat ass in my face was the coolest most adult thing ever.


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## Jon Blaze (Apr 7, 2009)

Flat out telling people hasn't been too hard to me, with the exception of some of my friends and girlfriends.

I had some uncomfortable situations happen to me. Oddly enough, I went through a similar situation on my computer as Dan and Furious when I was in 7th grade as well. My friends found out, and then my parents found out on two separate occasions, and while I did convert my friend, my dad was really pissed, didn't understand, and thought it was just a phase I was going through. 

The type of content I went after changed drastically over time (More softcore), but I got caught several more times over another year and a half. Once I was on vacation in another part of Japan, he flat out asks me "Why?" All I could say at the time was "Because I do," and it's fair to say I still didn't quite understand it at that age. That's all I knew to say.

My friends and potential girlfriends over the years didn't lay it on me much harder, it's just that most of the time they wanted reasons on the fly, which depending on where I am and so forth, I may or may not have been able to answer as readily as they wanted. So still no biggie, but I got the "What?Why?How?" in twenty seconds, and not one and a half years.


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## exile in thighville (Apr 7, 2009)

Wild Zero said:


> Because I thought turning on the computer and having a fat ass in my face was the coolest most adult thing ever.



live dangerously



Jon Blaze said:


> while I did convert my friend



storytime


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## swamptoad (Apr 7, 2009)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I had many days when my mother would walk into the room and I'd be looking at pictures of fat chicks .. I'd immediately shut the monitor off and spin around 100 miles and hour and scream
> 
> SO, HOW'RE YOU TODAY LATELY? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER? I AM REALLY BUSY. I'M REALLY DEALING WITH SOME STUFF LATELY. THIS IS IMPORTANT. CAN I JUST HAVE A FEW MINUTES AND I'M LOGGING OFF. OH MY GOD, IF YOU JUST LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FEW MINUTES I WILL LOG OFF!!!!!
> 
> ...



Sucks man. I can relate. :doh:


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## swamptoad (Apr 7, 2009)

Wild Zero said:


> _Mom, Dad and Sister_: Okay, we're headed to the airport to go to Florida, see you in a week!
> 
> _Me_: Have a safe trip family! *makes sure the car is down the street* And now to draw the shades and have as much fun on the internet a 14 year old boy can. Fat girls are so rad that I should make a hot photo my background for the next week... right click and we're rolling. This is what being an adult is going to be like.
> 
> ...



This is odd. Something EXACTLY like that happened to me once. Crazy! Probably back when the internet was fairly new I had a desktop picture that would not go away. ACK!


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## exile in thighville (Apr 7, 2009)

Ben from England said:


> She also loved the sound of the term 'Chubby Chaser' and repeated it in song for about three hours after she heard my Dad say it (I never use the term FA or anything to describe myself to people outside the community, it's a bit subculture-y).



OTM, though i try to avoid using eff ay whenever possible and i hate, hate saying bee bee dubbayou


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## swamptoad (Apr 7, 2009)

On another matter. Back in early 2005 (for a short while) my wife (Josalynn) and I moved to Arkansas and we lived with my Mom ... and so did my sis (and her girlfriend.) 

I know, kinda odd living arrangements. 

But this was only temporary, as Josalynn and I had only been married since October 25th 2003 and we were working and helping out financially, plus my Mom had missed me and my sis (her kids.) I had just moved away from North Carolina.

Anyway, my Mom got to see firsthand how we got along and we did a lot of things together. So this (I think) was maybe my Mom's glimpse, including my sis ... into seeing that I really loved this woman and that it wasn't a phase or whatever. 

It's always hard to tell what people think. But I keep on doing and let actions kinda speak for themselves. :happy:

Oh yeah and I also have never thought of myself in terms of FA and my wife BBW either.


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## Carrie (Apr 7, 2009)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I had many days when my mother would walk into the room and I'd be looking at pictures of fat chicks .. I'd immediately shut the monitor off and spin around 100 miles and hour and scream
> 
> SO, HOW'RE YOU TODAY LATELY? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER? I AM REALLY BUSY. I'M REALLY DEALING WITH SOME STUFF LATELY. THIS IS IMPORTANT. CAN I JUST HAVE A FEW MINUTES AND I'M LOGGING OFF. OH MY GOD, IF YOU JUST LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FEW MINUTES I WILL LOG OFF!!!!!


Justin. I know it wasn't funny at the time, but please pardon me for laughing hysterically now. Too funny.


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## Ben from England (Apr 7, 2009)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> oh and I didn't have Firefox back in the day, so no tabbed windows, so nothing like trying to rapidly close Internet Explorer windows and have it say NOT RESPONDING while you click furiously on the x. CLOSE GODDAMN YOU, CLOSE!!!



Oh man.

When I was like 14, we had the PC in the living room. I was looking at pics one night, and my Dad walks in. I got another window open and click it to the front instantly. If I try and close incriminating picture window now, it'll come to the front. I do the whole spin round 100 miles an hour routine, here is what followed:

'How's it going, Dad?'
'I need to use the internet.' 
He stands there looking at the screen, waiting. 
I am dying inside.
'Umm, hey Dad, I think the clock on the fireplace is broken'. 
He looks at me suspiciously. 
'No, it's not.' 
'I'm pretty sure it is.'
He keeps eyeing me. He turns to look at the clock. I close the window. He turns back.
'No, it's not.'
'No? Oh. Well, I'm done. Have a nice night, Dad.'
I pat him on the back and leave the room.
My Dad shakes his head. 

Worse was the time I was watching some clip and my aunt Debbie comes round. I loose interest in the porn and head downstairs to say hi. I get drawn into some long conversation. A hour or so later she says she needs to go up and check her email. As she's climbing the stairs I remember I hadn't closed media player. She literally screamed. I wasn't out of the closet in my early teens because of some strength or character or anything. I was just a moron.


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## CCC (Apr 7, 2009)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I had many days when my mother would walk into the room and I'd be looking at pictures of fat chicks .. I'd immediately shut the monitor off and spin around 100 miles and hour and scream
> 
> SO, HOW'RE YOU TODAY LATELY? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER? I AM REALLY BUSY. I'M REALLY DEALING WITH SOME STUFF LATELY. THIS IS IMPORTANT. CAN I JUST HAVE A FEW MINUTES AND I'M LOGGING OFF. OH MY GOD, IF YOU JUST LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FEW MINUTES I WILL LOG OFF!!!!!



This is SO me.


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## mergirl (Apr 8, 2009)

Carrie said:


> For those who've had trouble telling their parents, I'd be very interested in learning whether your mother or father reacted in a worse manner. It seems like I hear more stories about mothers being horrified by their sons' orientation, and my theory is that it's a by-product of the female tendency to obsess about weight, and to live in dire fear of becoming fat. Sort of like, "I've spent my entire life trying NOT to be fat, and my son goes out and seeks out fat girls?? Preposterous!", that kind of amazed/outraged reaction. Not to say that men don't have a similar phenomenon, but I do think the numbers are skewed more towards women.



Yup, well i 'gay came out' to my parents at about 15 and my mum said (amongst a lot of other things) 'thats disgusting'.. Then when i was older my mum was saying something pretty disparaging about fat people and i told her not to and that i prefered big women.. she said 'thats disgusting' ..so i didnt see her for a while.. she actually apologised for that one though..

Most of my freinds dont mention the fact to me every time they see me, they will call me or txt me and say 'oh theres a hot fat woman on tv' and stuff like that.. I do have one friend who REALLY anoys me.. She is fat herself, so maby this has something to do with it, i'm not sure..Everytime she sees me she makes some comment about me liking big women.. EVERY TIME!! I have known her for about 8 years and she has known all that time!! Its starting to do my head in... It reminds me of a giggling teen guy constantly going on about lesbians! lmao.. hmm maby i should just sit her down and tell her that Fa's arn't just for her amusement and that we are people too!


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## mergirl (Apr 8, 2009)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I had many days when my mother would walk into the room and I'd be looking at pictures of fat chicks .. I'd immediately shut the monitor off and spin around 100 miles and hour and scream
> 
> SO, HOW'RE YOU TODAY LATELY? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER? I AM REALLY BUSY. I'M REALLY DEALING WITH SOME STUFF LATELY. THIS IS IMPORTANT. CAN I JUST HAVE A FEW MINUTES AND I'M LOGGING OFF. OH MY GOD, IF YOU JUST LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FEW MINUTES I WILL LOG OFF!!!!!
> 
> ...


I didnt really know how computers worked back in the day..but there was about 6 months when i had to move back to my parents and i was about 21 and my wee brother was about 16, and my parents had just got internet. So i had a wee look..erm etc at like stuff n shit.. My wee brother came into my room and said 'can you stop clogging up the computer with pictures of fat women please'. GAK! I learned that day the importance of history deleting. Plus pretty soon after i moved out again, got my own computer and clogged it up anyway i wanted!


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## Tad (Apr 8, 2009)

swamptoad said:


> Anyway, my Mom got to see firsthand how we got along and we did a lot of things together. So this (I think) was maybe my Mom's glimpse, including my sis ... into seeing that I really loved this woman and that it wasn't a phase or whatever.



My mother had my doubts about my wife at the beginning, no question. However about a year after we got married she had a few month work placement in their city, and lived with them. When my Mom got to know my wife better, and see how she really was, she became one of her biggest supporters. As I've said a lot lately, show >> tell.


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## Esther (Apr 8, 2009)

I don't really talk about my sexuality with my anyone, I find it awkward. I mostly just bring people home and let my friends and family make their own assumptions. I'm pretty sure they know what my likes and dislikes are from seeing the type of dudes I bring home (usually fat guys).


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## wrestlingguy (Apr 8, 2009)

My story has been told in other parts of the forums here, so I'll give the condensed version.

1997. I had a girlfriend move in with me who was coming out of several abusive relationships. She got into therapy, and along with that came Prozac and Welbutrin, and a slew of other anti anxiety medications. Within a year, she put on well over 100 pounds, and I knew I loved it. I had always been a FA, but it wasn't a deal breaker if I met a thin(ner) girl, as I find a lot of different women attractive. The weight gain thingy was a real turn on for me.

Then I got a desktop computer, and began a journey to understand why I prefer what I prefer. I found Dimensions, and a few other places, and started asking a lot of questions, to girls as well as guys.

The girl I was living with went on my computer, and saw the links to all the websites I was going to. She was furious.

She hated the way she looked. Most people who know me today know I'm a card carrying FA, and I fess up to it every chance I get. I'm like Jesus preaching to the crowd.

That night, however, was rough. She cried as I related my quest for knowledge about my attraction to fat women. She cried more when I told her that I got turned on going to the store to buy her bigger clothes to accomodate her growth. She cried when I told her that I enjoyed watching her polish off quarts of ice cream. What made her cry most was when I showed her pics of 400 and 500 pound women, and telling her that I was aroused by them, and I still didn't know why. I felt relieved, yet I felt very scummy at the same time, as if I made her gain (which I didn't), so I wasn't allowed to enjoy it.

*She *was the hardest person to tell.

She moved out about a month later, lost weight, moved back in, gained all of her weight back, went into therapy, and moved out for good several months later. 

Don't know what ever happened to her, but I'm sure she's thin again today.


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## MamaLisa (Apr 8, 2009)

I think this is a fantastic thread.. i know a few FA's that could really benefit from these stories.. 

it takes a lot of courage to tell them.. and even more so to "come out"..

thanks for making it easier for the next person and sharing such personal experiences :kiss2:


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## Durin (Apr 8, 2009)

About a year after I graduated I broke up with my girlfriend who to me was fairly small at size 16. I had found dimensions a couple of years before and I knew what I liked. I made a little agreement with myself to only date fat women.

So while I never openly told my parents or friends I think anyone with a braincell could figure things out. My Best Friend has always known and just doen't get me but he tolerates me fine.

Most folks I don't bother to tell.


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## Starling (Apr 9, 2009)

Eh...once I decided to just come out and be open about what I like (which mainly came from the frustration of being with a lot of guys I wasn't attracted to), I found it wasn't particularly hard to tell most people. My girl friends are either indifferent or find it slightly amusing, my guy friends think it's really really cool for some reason, and both sets of friends have tried to set me up with any and all fat guy friends of theirs, so I guess it all works out. 
The absolute hardest person to tell though, was my sister, who is about as close in age to me as one can get without being a twin, and we usually are mistaken for twins. However, we really couldn't be more different personality wise and in what we find attractive, and even though she's my best friend, she's extremely fat-phobic, and so opening up to her about being interested in fat guys was really hard. I mainly just let her figure it out for herself, and of course she picked it up from conversations with our mutual friends. And I have to say, my worries about opening up to her were not unfounded, as she usually never lets an opportunity to tell me she thinks I'm a freak pass by. She is of the general opinion that I'm cheating myself by "not doing better" and claims that I'm "slumming" with fat guys, which she has told some guys I've been interested in to their faces, although I didn't find that out until recently. Needless to say, that caused a series of fights between us. Last week she was giving me a lot of crap for it again, until her boyfriend (who has been asked to be a male model several times in the past) of all people came to my defense and basically told her that he thinks it's awesome and that she should get off my case, which she actually has for the most part. 
So that's my experience, sorry it was super long-winded but the basic point is that it kind of sucks to have super non-supportive family members, but it's really awesome having super-supportive friends!


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## exile in thighville (Apr 9, 2009)

wrestlingguy said:


> My story has been told in other parts of the forums here, so I'll give the condensed version.
> 
> 1997. I had a girlfriend move in with me who was coming out of several abusive relationships. She got into therapy, and along with that came Prozac and Welbutrin, and a slew of other anti anxiety medications. Within a year, she put on well over 100 pounds, and I knew I loved it. I had always been a FA, but it wasn't a deal breaker if I met a thin(ner) girl, as I find a lot of different women attractive. The weight gain thingy was a real turn on for me.
> 
> ...



i hope _she's_ thin if she dealt with her body that poorly


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## exile in thighville (Apr 9, 2009)

Carrie said:


> For those who've had trouble telling their parents, I'd be very interested in learning whether your mother or father reacted in a worse manner. It seems like I hear more stories about mothers being horrified by their sons' orientation, and my theory is that it's a by-product of the female tendency to obsess about weight, and to live in dire fear of becoming fat. Sort of like, "I've spent my entire life trying NOT to be fat, and my son goes out and seeks out fat girls?? Preposterous!", that kind of amazed/outraged reaction. Not to say that men don't have a similar phenomenon, but I do think the numbers are skewed more towards women.



this should be a poll and will in a minute


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## Leadfoot307 (Apr 9, 2009)

The first person I told was my older sister who ironicly I don,t talk to anymore. Because I was very shy I never realy made any kind of anoucement or anything. Later when I went into the army I had a few false starts with girls. But peer pressure and shyness kept me from having many dates. So that said Probably 1 my army buddies 2 my dad who is kind of a buly (verbaly). :wubu:


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## Mini (Apr 9, 2009)

I don't have a "hardest" person story, but the easiest was definitely my brother.

Basically, for the first couple years that I had internet access I was all careful and stealthy and hid my tracks reasonably well. Had my own password-protected folder and everything - for school work, of course.

Then over time I started getting lazy, and stopped deleting the links, and kinda forgot to save pictures to the protected file.

Enter my brother.

One day we're driving home, and he says something like, OK, I have to ask, point blank, do you like fat chicks? I found some pictures that I *know* I didn't download...

Me: Well... yes. Always have.

Brother: Heh, whatever rocks your boat.

And that was that. No teasing, nothing. It helps that I have an awesome brother who's totally supportive, but still, I thought that was cool.


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## Blockierer (Apr 9, 2009)

When I was young  my mother said to me: You can also take a fat girl!
She knew I had an eye on a blond fat girl who worked in a drugstore.

Once I told my mother that I am going to a pub. She asked me then: Are there fat women present? My answer was a "big grin".
:wubu:

I'm sure parents are not a reason to stay in the closet. In generally the know the orientation of their childs. :bow:



Carrie said:


> Very interesting responses thus far. It would not have occurred to me that a fat person would have trouble hearing her partner was a FA, but once I thought about it, I realized that I would have had that very same reaction many years ago. So it probably has a lot to do with where the partner is in terms of accepting his/her fatness, etc.
> 
> For those who've had trouble telling their parents, I'd be very interested in learning whether your mother or father reacted in a worse manner. It seems like I hear more stories about mothers being horrified by their sons' orientation, and my theory is that it's a by-product of the female tendency to obsess about weight, and to live in dire fear of becoming fat. Sort of like, "I've spent my entire life trying NOT to be fat, and my son goes out and seeks out fat girls?? Preposterous!", that kind of amazed/outraged reaction. Not to say that men don't have a similar phenomenon, but I do think the numbers are skewed more towards women.


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## Tad (Apr 9, 2009)

Blockierer said:


> I'm sure parents are not a reason to stay in the closet. In generally the know the orientation of their childs. :bow:



two comments:

1) I think that depends a lot on the family. I have no idea how mine would ever have picked up on my preferences, as I was almost never around them and women my age at the same time, and I never talked about that sort of thing at home, and I wasn't dating anyone. A lot of parents are not part of their kids' social lives, so may not have much of a clue.

2) Just because parents know doesn't mean that they will always accept or approve. It would be nice if they did, but not all parents are that accepting.


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## The Fat Man (Apr 9, 2009)

For me, it's the only person I've really ever told. My wife, well, at the point I actually spilled the beans, my then girlfriend. We'd been going out for a hefty span of months. I could tell I really loved her, if you're in love you know what I'm talking about. The kind of stuff that fills you up, makes you feel like you could unload anything on this person and they'd kiss you and tell you they accept you no matter what. That sort of love. I was feeling that big time. We were laying in bed one night and I just held her and told her. Nothing as blunt as "I love fat girls" but I eased in slowly and told her that I had something of a fetish. I told her about this site and the huge cross section of people that came here. I told her how long I'd had these feelings. We talked for what seemed like forever. She accepts it and has grown to appreciate the fact I love women of all sizes, especially a woman her size. So no matter how much weight she gains of loses over the course of our life together she knows I'll always find her attractive no matter what.

I think a few of my closest friends have gathered I have a penchant for larger women. The guys guys I roomed with while going to college, still two very close friends, I think saw Dimensions and various other sites on my PC now and again.

That all being said, I've been lucky. I've never really been judged for it. I still keep things on the down low somewhat. Small town and everything. But if people ask me? I just tell them.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Apr 10, 2009)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Oddly enough, not so much my parents or any of my friends.
> 
> The hardest person to tell was this girl I was dating. It was pretty serious, well, as serious as I had been in at the time. It was when I was still coming to terms with how hardcore my FAness truly was.
> 
> I just couldn't get into her physically because she was thin. Basically, I've never had to do it again and I never will, but yeah, I had to end it because I felt I could never give her the physical attention she deserved. It was a terrible experience.



Oh I can totally understand this one. Except for me, I wasn't even aware of my complete FAness at the time, I just knew I was dating a great guy who was too thin for my tastes. I dated him from the end of high school, into the first year of college and I was young and stupid and I actually told him the problem was I thought he was too thin :dohYes, I have been an insensitive ass in the past. See? We all have a learning curve) This lead to, as you can imagine, a horrible period of time with him trying some gaining and hating it, then us both dealing with the fact that he now knew I found him too thin. So we ended it. It was a mess.


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## MisterGuy (Apr 13, 2009)

I don't really understand the concept of "having" to tell anyone, esp. one's parents. I guess I've always dated bigger girls, kind of starting with girls w/ big boobs in middle school, chubbies in high school, 200 college, 250-300 now, etc. I mean, they're not mentally retarded, so I assume they've figured it out, but why would we need to discuss it?


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## Hole (Apr 16, 2009)

I did not make an official announcement or have a talk with anyone. People observe. Some comment, some don't. If they say anything nasty or ignorant , I defend myself. If they can't respect it, they need to fuck off.


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## hillking12 (Apr 17, 2009)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I had many days when my mother would walk into the room and I'd be looking at pictures of fat chicks .. I'd immediately shut the monitor off and spin around 100 miles and hour and scream
> 
> SO, HOW'RE YOU TODAY LATELY? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER? I AM REALLY BUSY. I'M REALLY DEALING WITH SOME STUFF LATELY. THIS IS IMPORTANT. CAN I JUST HAVE A FEW MINUTES AND I'M LOGGING OFF. OH MY GOD, IF YOU JUST LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FEW MINUTES I WILL LOG OFF!!!!!
> 
> ...



Hahahaah. dude its funny that you mention this story beacuse just recently my dad walked in on me while i was looking at some vids and i had to quicly hit the Yahooo browser button to get off frm wat i was looking at but i made big mistake beacause i was logged in into my account and accidentaly hit the groups button:doh: he saw a pictrue and was like "wat the hell" so i scrambled and pushed the back button forgetting that i was previously veiwng a video with nude content of a ssbbw model:doh: so yea i pretty much set myself up for that one lol! So then my dad asked "you like fat women Russell" n i jussed mumbled something i dnt remember, but the next day he joked about it with my mom.So now both my parents know i like big women but i dont think they still fully understand just how big i like them so im still kinda scared to bring my first girlfreind home for them to meet beacuse i still dont really know how they will react to it.


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## rollhandler (Apr 17, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I understand this..its awful! Also, weirdly enough, i think it can be the hardest to actually tell fat people you are dating that you are an Fa. Well for me anyway.. I sort of have to build up to it..like mention lots of fat famous people i like, then make wee comments like 'oh i never fancy skinny people'.. then i force them to whore their arses in dimensions! In all seriousness though..i think fat people are the hardest to tell because i have had some pretty shocking responses from fat people in the past.



I agree that the potential datee is usually the one that is either the hardest to tell or that needs told in the first place. Everyone else in my world knows already that I love fat girls. They know and its not really an issue most of the time. 

Its awkward though in meeting a potential date who is looking at the situation through suspicious eyes and past experiences to let her know that you are actually honestly interested in her because she IS fat AND sexy and not for some other less gentlemanly reason. 

Many have never heard the term FA and have no clue what it means to have found one. It is very awkward to not only find a way to say it but to have to in the first place. And, how do you say it without sounding creepy?
Rollhandler


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## mergirl (Apr 17, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> I agree that the potential datee is usually the one that is either the hardest to tell or that needs told in the first place. Everyone else in my world knows already that I love fat girls. They know and its not really an issue most of the time.
> 
> Its awkward though in meeting a potential date who is looking at the situation through suspicious eyes and past experiences to let her know that you are actually honestly interested in her because she IS fat AND sexy and not for some other less gentlemanly reason.
> 
> ...


yeah, totally..i do find the term 'fa' a bit creepy, especially when you are trying to explain it to someone who has never heard of the concept before. I find just saying 'i love big women' or 'i prefer curves' or whatever a bit less shallow, objectifying and creepy sounding.


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## rollhandler (Apr 17, 2009)

mergirl said:


> yeah, totally..i do find the term 'fa' a bit creepy, especially when you are trying to explain it to someone who has never heard of the concept before. I find just saying 'i love big women' or 'i prefer curves' or whatever a bit less shallow, objectifying and creepy sounding.



Yeah, thats about the extent of it. I am thankful that the topic has ever come up in my dating life only once. 
Rollhandler


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## elle camino (Apr 17, 2009)

MisterGuy said:


> I don't really understand the concept of "having" to tell anyone, esp. one's parents. I guess I've always dated bigger girls, kind of starting with girls w/ big boobs in middle school, chubbies in high school, 200 college, 250-300 now, etc. I mean, they're not mentally retarded, so I assume they've figured it out, but why would we need to discuss it?


this.
i know i'm sounding like a bit of a broken record, but some things are only big deals if you _make_ them a big deal.


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## Aurora (Apr 18, 2009)

I live with my boyfriend in his parents' house.

His mother is a doctor, a psychiatrist. Sometimes she bugs us to lose weight, especially my bf (not so much me anymore, I think she gave up). She knows we both like each other the way we are and don't really want to change, but I don't think she knows the extent of it as far as the attraction goes. Sometimes I really wish I could come clean about the whole thing, but I don't know how she'd react. I don't want to make things awkward. :/


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## anybodys (Jul 7, 2009)

my best friend/ mentor for years is a really big guy, and it was hard for me to tell him-- which i did about two years ago-- because it was sort of implicitly saying i found him attractive. which, at the time, was kind of throwing a weird wrench into our completely platonic relationship. when i told him-- or sort-of told him, by complaining that my boyfriend was going on a diet-- i actually wasn't attracted to him (consciously, anyway) because i thought of him more as a father figure. and then, a year and a half later, we had awesome awesome sex. so there.


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## mergirl (Jul 7, 2009)

elle camino said:


> this.
> i know i'm sounding like a bit of a broken record, but some things are only big deals if you _make_ them a big deal.


Or if _other_ people make them a big deal.


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## bbwsrule (Jul 9, 2009)

Never had the discussion with friends, acquaintences, coworkers, or family.
They never asked. But surely family and others can surmise from who I have chosen to be with and how affectionate I am with her. I would level with family (I have a great family; lucky) if they asked.

I of course leveled with the women I've been with. Letting them know that was a little awkward but if that was a fatal flaw, I needed to know. Needless to say it went over much better in 2nd marriage. She's perfectly OK with my preference but would like to lose weight anyway and since I wouldn't gain weight to please someone else I can't object. I'm determined to find her attractive regardless of weight (not that it would be difficult).

If anyone actually said someting about my wife's weight, I would say "she's just fine the way she is". If they were intrusive enough to ask me if I were a FA, I would say "my sexual preferences are not for public consumption". I just don't think it is the business of anyone who is not a close friend or family member.


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## stan_der_man (Jul 9, 2009)

Like others, I never really had a specific discussion about my preference with my parents that I can remember. The girls I dated made my preference pretty obvious. My dad was relatively laissez faire about it. My mom confronted me once or twice about my liking fat girls but it didn't particularly bother me to cross her, because by then I'd learned how to deal with her finely honed Germanic passive aggressive ways and I actually enjoyed annoying her if necessary.

The hardest people for me to tell were the girls themselves. I had a couple of negative reactions to telling my dates that I found them attractive even though they were fat, so I was never sure about the reaction I would get from them. This was back in the late '70s and early '80s when fat acceptance was a completely unknown concept for the most part...


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## bdog (Jul 9, 2009)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I had many days when my mother would walk into the room and I'd be looking at pictures of fat chicks .. I'd immediately shut the monitor off and spin around 100 miles and hour and scream



Haha... I've had some close calls with family and roommates but that was probably a decade ago.

once I went to the bathroom and my mom came in my bedroom to give me a sandwich or something. she almost assuredly saw the 300 lb black woman on my monitor. my family's not racist at all but I think it was a far cry from the jewish girl she had envisioned.  anyway we never spoke about it.

i don't have a problem telling people, but it's my sister who seems to give the most resistance to acceptance. she's a nurse who works really hard to stay thin. she was a little plump in high school and i know that was very hard on her. i actually used to tease her... ugh... :doh:

she just keeps telling me how she can't understand and how it's so unhealthy. i just don't like to talk about it with her anymore... not that we ever talked much about it.


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## Matt (Jul 10, 2009)

One of my friends was on my computer one time during my early teens, and he thought it would be fun to go on Google and type in each letter of the alphabet one after the other. So he'd type "a" and everything I had searched for beginning with "a" would drop down etc. Needless to say, once he reached "n", one of the first things that came up was "naked fat girls". We didn't talk about it but he didn't seem to care.

A similiar situation happened with a different friend, he was on my PC while I played my PS2. After he left I sat down at the PC, and the desktop background had been changed to a picture from my hidden folder. He never actually said anything about it so I assumed he didn't care either. 

If your friends really are your friends, then they won't care which women you prefer.


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## RayanamiNGE (Jul 10, 2009)

I dunno, I just started bringing home big girls. My first girl friend in 8th grade was about 280 lbs, and just sorta went up from there. I've dated slim women ((just to see if it was a fluke, lol, boy am I glad it wasn't ^.^)) and I know my dad loved that, but I never felt a click with them. My family was never supportive of my love for big women, besides my grandmother. But it's never stopped me from being with what I am happy with. My ex was 420 lbs, and my dad freaked out. He always complained that she would eat all the food in the house, and when our toilet broke ((Because the piping was really old)) he blamed her. Needless to say, I don't think my father will ever accept the fact that I love big women...

Lol, I still remember when he found out I was having sex with my ex, lol, he started to cry. Sheeesh, I'm going to accept my son/daughter if they are skinny lovers, fat lovers, gay, lesbian, straight, bi, or what ever else may have you. Although, I do hope, that if I have a boy, he likes big women, because I would love to have him bring home all the young chubbies ^.^ ((I know I'm gunna be an old perv, might as well have fun, lol))


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## jakub (Jul 13, 2009)

It's funny, almost always father is a problem.


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## tootsmendozer (Jul 13, 2009)

i run into this alot and i really dont get it i guess my parents and friends just dont care what kind of women i go out wioth in terms of looks as long as im happy, ive only ever gone out with bigger women and theyve never said anything :S but i guess for people who know there familys would have a problem with it would find it hard to come out as it were...good luck to all you who havent done it yet!


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 22, 2009)

MisterGuy said:


> I don't really understand the concept of "having" to tell anyone, esp. one's parents. I guess I've always dated bigger girls, kind of starting with girls w/ big boobs in middle school, chubbies in high school, 200 college, 250-300 now, etc. I mean, they're not mentally retarded, so I assume they've figured it out, but why would we need to discuss it?



Yep. This. ^^^^^

My mom once said something after seeing a couple of pictures on my laptop of guys I'd gone out with, it was just:

Mom: Oh you like fat guys.

Me: Yeah.

She actually doesn't like fat people and works hard to stay thin herself, but she really doesn't care about what her adult daughter is into.


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## lovesgaininggirls (Sep 2, 2009)

Truth be told, the hardest person I had to "tell" was myself. I had to face up to the fact that instead of finding supermodels the paragon of female pulchritude that I was attracted to women of substance. Once I came out of my own personal closet, facing other people with that knowledge was a snap.


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## Tau (Sep 3, 2009)

anybodys said:


> my best friend/ mentor for years is a really big guy, and it was hard for me to tell him-- which i did about two years ago-- because it was sort of implicitly saying i found him attractive. which, at the time, was kind of throwing a weird wrench into our completely platonic relationship. when i told him-- or sort-of told him, by complaining that my boyfriend was going on a diet-- i actually wasn't attracted to him (consciously, anyway) because i thought of him more as a father figure. and then, a year and a half later, we had awesome awesome sex. so there.



OMG, really!?? This is an awesome story - there must have been tons of seriously heavy sexual tension...I love sexual tension


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Sep 3, 2009)

Carrie said:


> Very interesting responses thus far. It would not have occurred to me that a fat person would have trouble hearing her partner was a FA, but once I thought about it, I realized that I would have had that very same reaction many years ago. So it probably has a lot to do with where the partner is in terms of accepting his/her fatness, etc.
> 
> For those who've had trouble telling their parents, I'd be very interested in learning whether your mother or father reacted in a worse manner. It seems like I hear more stories about mothers being horrified by their sons' orientation, and my theory is that it's a by-product of the female tendency to obsess about weight, and to live in dire fear of becoming fat. Sort of like, "I've spent my entire life trying NOT to be fat, and my son goes out and seeks out fat girls?? Preposterous!", that kind of amazed/outraged reaction. Not to say that men don't have a similar phenomenon, but I do think the numbers are skewed more towards women.



In 1999, I told my mom one day before I went out on a date. She asked what the lady looked like and I told her. My mom freaked out. She detests fat people and she is very insecure about her weight (200-240). I was not surprised because she is not an accepting person. I didn't have to worry about telling my dad because my mom told him. I don't think he cared. 

My friends don't give me any problems because of it. I'm lucky to have such an open minded group of people. 

I did not know about bbws and FAs until I got onto the internet. I have not always been an FA, but I've always liked all types of women.


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## KHayes666 (Sep 3, 2009)

The hardest people I have to tell are none other than the fat girls that don't like the fact they are fat.

Its easy to tell family because they support me no matter what, plus half of them on my mother's side are Italian. Its easy to tell friends because they don't care.

However, a girl that's been told for 18-20 years (or more depending on age) that being fat is a bad thing...isn't going to know how to react when I come out and say that I like how she looks.

Believe it or not, I have more trouble with the people I'm supposedly associated with than the people I talk to everyday, friends and family included.


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