# Would this offend you?



## bexy (Jun 29, 2008)

Two comments made by my co worker.

Me-Argh, I need to pee again. 

Him-Thats because of your size.

Me-Eh?

Him-Fat people need to pee more, have you been tested for diabetes??

Me-Its most probably due to the fact that I've had 2 cups of tea, and only have one kidney

Him-No, its probably cause youre big.
****************************************

Me-Yey, swimming tonight.

Him- Don't tell me that, fills my head with evil images.

Me-What do you mean??

Him-Like in Shallow Hal. Fat girl jumps in the pool and all the water and wee people come flying out.
*****************************************

I didnt really even respond to this as I didnt know what to say. I dont think he is trying to hurt me. Just be funny. This guy tries to boss me about a bit and its been bugging me for some time, I think he feels threatened that I'm newer than him but have more responsibility. 

But this is the first time he has ever mentioned my weight. He knows I model and stuff. 

Is he trying to be funny as in joking, or is he trying to be hurtful? Am I being over sensitive?


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## Sweet Tooth (Jun 29, 2008)

Is this man a completely socially inept f***tard?

This isn't joking, even if he says it laughingly. If he's ignoring what you say is true about your body [having had 2 cups of tea and 1 kidney] or likens real life to a grossly exaggerated movie, he's way more than just a garden variety butt.

However, I may not be completely unbiased. I'm tired of suffering fools.


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## Crystal (Jun 29, 2008)

You aren't being overly sensitive at all. Yes, some people don't really know where to draw the line or when to refrain from making potentially hurtful comments, but that doesn't change the fact that it still made you uncomfortable. 

The next time he mentions something to you, and you feel that it was inappropriate, tell him so. He truly may not realize that he's being a jerk, and that's okay. But, someone needs to tell him, and that should be you. If I were you, I'd let him know in a fairly nice way that I don't appreciate his comments. If he keeps it up, being nice is no longer an option. 

*hugs*

You're beautiful.


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## Ashlynne (Jun 29, 2008)

Yeah, it probably would offend me.


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## SweetNYLady (Jun 29, 2008)

From my point of view, unfortunately it sounds like he's trying to be hurtful. If it were me, I also would be offended as well.

Only he would know why and what the reason for it is but don't let him get to you. Obviously also he's 'forgotten' he's in a workplace making these comments. He might like playing with fire but if he keeps going on with comments such as this, some workplaces, if reported, may just see it as a form of harassment.

I'm sorry you have to listen to this. Work can be stressful enough without having to be concerned with the annoying, snide comments of one worker to another.

Perhaps there is a way you can tell him, nicely, about how his comments make you feel, and how you would like him to stop.


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## AnnMarie (Jun 29, 2008)

hell yes it would offend me!!!!


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## sweet&fat (Jun 29, 2008)

Hell yes it would offend me. From these comments, he knows damn well he's being an ass, especially with the Shallow Hal comment. Tell him to cut the bullshit. If it were me, I'd say it calmly but emphatically, perhaps something like an "oh please- that's pathetic."


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## HollyGirl (Jun 29, 2008)

personally, i wouldve cracked him in the jaw after the first comment, and ordered a hit on his ass after the second! 

In the states we call that harrasment and it would get him fired in the blink of an eye.


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## Tooz (Jun 29, 2008)

Good lord!

File a complain with Human Resources, that is ridiculous and could be considered harassment...

If you don't work somewhere that has an HR department, complain to your manager. That is ridiculous, not appropriate and ever so out of line.


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## vardon_grip (Jun 29, 2008)

Take a extra large rubber dildo and smack him hard upside the head and say to him, 

"Please stop your insensitive comments. If you continue, I will be forced to pummel you about the head and shoulders with this extra large rubber dildo. I will do this so much so that when you go home to your mums flat, she will say, 'Trevor, you smell like a dildo...you've been insensitive again haven't you?' "


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## goofy girl (Jun 29, 2008)

WOW..yes, that is blatantly offensive. What an ass.


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## jeff7005 (Jun 29, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> Two comments made by my co worker.
> 
> Me-Argh, I need to pee again.
> 
> ...


this guy is jerk he needs to get ass kicked.


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## bexy (Jun 29, 2008)

So the general consensus is hes an offensive asshole. 

I don't know what to do, I think the easiest option is just to let it pass for now but if it happens again to say something to him.

I don't want to be a person to instigate trouble in my workplace as I am the newest member of staff. 

I also truly don't think he was trying to be offensive, I think he truly beleived he was being funny.

I also believe as I talk about my weight in a happy way, or call myself fat he thinks its ok to joke about it, if that makes sense.
Like if he thought I was unhappy and miserable in my body he wouldnt joke, but as he knows I am not he thinks its ok?


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## goofy girl (Jun 29, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> So the general consensus is hes an offensive asshole.
> 
> I don't know what to do, I think the easiest option is just to let it pass for now but if it happens again to say something to him.
> 
> ...



I think if you are uncomfortable you should go to your supervisor. You can do it in a way that is professional and polite, but just make sure that it gets taken care of.

Also, just because you accept your size and joke about it, that isn't an invitation for insults. If he was saying things in a happy positive way back, you wouldn't feel offended.


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## Sweet Tooth (Jun 29, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> I also truly don't think he was trying to be offensive, I think he truly beleived he was being funny.
> 
> I also believe as I talk about my weight in a happy way, or call myself fat he thinks its ok to joke about it, if that makes sense.
> Like if he thought I was unhappy and miserable in my body he wouldnt joke, but as he knows I am not he thinks its ok?



I'm not one for confrontation at work, either. It seems counterproductive to me.

However... it's bugging you enough to mention it here and seek advice. That means it's not something you're shrugging off lightly. I also find it interesting that women [not just you, as I do it as well as do most women I know] tend to excuse complete a$$holishness. Maybe it's trying to see the best or holding out hope for other humans or that lack of desire to confront. Whatever it is, it's not working very well for the human race from what I can see. There's a way to be polite but firm. Not sure I've found the perfect formula yet, but you'll come up with something.

And if you truly think that he thinks it's okay to joke because you're comfortable, then I sure hope he's comfortable being an a$$ so you can joke about that with him. [Ahem.]


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## William (Jun 29, 2008)

Hi 

The guy may even already have a complain or two in his file already! Either he is a idiot or was trying to be hurtful.

William




Tooz said:


> Good lord!
> 
> File a complain with Human Resources, that is ridiculous and could be considered harassment...
> 
> If you don't work somewhere that has an HR department, complain to your manager. That is ridiculous, not appropriate and ever so out of line.


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## bexy (Jun 29, 2008)

See the reason I mentioned it was mainly because it didnt offend me as much as shock me. I was so gobsmacked by the comments. I wanted to get other peoples opinions on it to see if they thought it acceptable.

Maybe I am just thick skinned nowadays. I know that a year or 2 ago I would have undeniably cried over these comments so I am also shocked at my own reaction.

But then, just because this didnt offend me to the point of tears, doesnt mean I should make it ok for him to talk this way.


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## Fyreflyintheskye (Jun 29, 2008)

I wouldn't ignore it, especially the first comment; that is the one that would irk me. The movie thing... that'd probably be water off a duck's back, but I'd be thinking about the first obsessively all day and it would interfere with my work because I'd be imagining his dumb, severed head in an empty, open field where he could spew stupidity to his heart's content and no one would be around to hear it. That would really soak up my focus... and work isn't a place where you want to be distracted. 

I think you ought to nip it in the bud and speak to him candidly about it. If he scoffs at you, then bring it to a supervisor letting he/she know that you did speak to him about it first, and that you don't feel that comments like these are appropriate in the workplace.


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## Haunted (Jun 29, 2008)

although his comments are socially unacceptable is it at all possible that he is an FA or attracted to you and since you make light of your Size could he be using it to flirt (Badly but flirt nonetheless) regardless it is inappropriate for the work place but it's possible he's just socially Retarded and not a complete Jerk.

I call My girl Fatty i rub her tummy in public i joke about her eating a bit more now of course we have that type of relationship, but it horrifies people who over hear us lol. She loves acting all hurt and surprised and saying "did you just Call me Fat!" to which i reply "Um Yeah" it ends with a cute Shrug and an "Oh Ok just checking" leaves people wondering WTF Just happened


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## Seth Warren (Jun 29, 2008)

Your co-worker is an asshole.


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## Fyreflyintheskye (Jun 29, 2008)

Haunted said:


> although his comments are socially unacceptable is it at all possible that he is an FA or attracted to you and since you make light of your Size could he be using it to flirt (Badly but flirt nonetheless) regardless it is inappropriate for the work place but it's possible he's just socially Retarded and not a complete Jerk.
> 
> I call My girl Fatty i rub her tummy in public i joke about her eating a bit more now of course we have that type of relationship, but it horrifies people who over hear us lol. She loves acting all hurt and surprised and saying "did you just Call me Fat!" to which i reply "Um Yeah" it ends with a cute Shrug and an "Oh Ok just checking" leaves people wondering WTF Just happened



That thought had flitted across my mind, too, but what would it matter, really, with the whole making light of her health condition about having one kidney? I don't think he could be excused for that. He could use a rude awakening... usually, assholes need a dose of their own to learn how to behave with common courtesy. 

I do hear you, though.


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## Haunted (Jun 29, 2008)

ShakenBakeSharleen said:


> That thought had flitted across my mind, too, but what would it matter, really, with the whole making light of her health condition about having one kidney? I don't think he could be excused for that. He could use a rude awakening... usually, assholes need a dose of their own to learn how to behave with common courtesy.
> 
> I do hear you, though.



True i tend to give the benefit of the doubt far too often at times F*&$Tard he is then


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## bexy (Jun 29, 2008)

Haunted said:


> although his comments are socially unacceptable is it at all possible that he is an FA or attracted to you and since you make light of your Size could he be using it to flirt (Badly but flirt nonetheless) regardless it is inappropriate for the work place but it's possible he's just socially Retarded and not a complete Jerk.
> 
> I call My girl Fatty i rub her tummy in public i joke about her eating a bit more now of course we have that type of relationship, but it horrifies people who over hear us lol. She loves acting all hurt and surprised and saying "did you just Call me Fat!" to which i reply "Um Yeah" it ends with a cute Shrug and an "Oh Ok just checking" leaves people wondering WTF Just happened



this made me laugh lol.

no my co worker is gay, very very gay.


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## Haunted (Jun 29, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> this made me laugh lol.
> 
> no my co worker is gay, very very gay.



Correction GAY F*&$TARD glad we got that sorted out 

I will stop sticking up for moron's from now on, should have started about a year ago (know what i Mean Kali Muah !!):doh:


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jun 29, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> See the reason I mentioned it was mainly because it didnt offend me as much as shock me. I was so gobsmacked by the comments. I wanted to get other peoples opinions on it to see if they thought it acceptable.
> 
> Maybe I am just thick skinned nowadays. I know that a year or 2 ago I would have undeniably cried over these comments so I am also shocked at my own reaction.



I agree with you on this, Bexy. And although I'm in a tiny minority here, from what you've said I don't think the guy is intentionally being offensive -- he just strikes me as someone who is completely clueless about relating to other people. Before you follow up on the advice you've gotten so far and kill him, maim him, or report him to your supervisor...have you told him his remarks make you uncomfortable and asked him why he makes them? He may never have confronted this question in his own mind, and you might be able to straighten this out among yourselves. But if he is dismissive or defensive about it -- or keeps doing it -- then I agree you should probably put him on report.


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## Ashlynne (Jun 29, 2008)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> I agree with you on this, Bexy. And although I'm in a tiny minority here, from what you've said I don't think the guy is intentionally being offensive -- he just strikes me as someone who is completely clueless about relating to other people. Before you follow up on the advice you've gotten so far and kill him, maim him, or report him to your supervisor...have you told him his remarks make you uncomfortable and asked him why he makes them? He may never have confronted this question in his own mind, and you might be able to straighten this out among yourselves. But if he is dismissive or defensive about it -- or keeps doing it -- then I agree you should probably put him on report.



Yes, he may not realize how his comments come off. He may not realize how rude he sounds.

I think that if I was in your position, I'd rehearse something to say the next time he says one of his comments. If you plan out what you want to say ahead of time, then you'll be ready.

It's probably not time to speak to a supervisor right now, but see how he reacts after you talk with him about it. If he still makes the rude comments, then maybe.


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## Chimpi (Jun 29, 2008)

I'm not sure whether to feel relieved that he's possibly just joking about it (and that it hasn't really phased you that much) or whether to be offended that he feels he can joke about it in that manner.

Likening going to the bathroom due to being fat (which also _must_ - and I am being completely sarcastic in jest here - mean that you have diabetes) is incredibly offensive to me. I have a co-worker whom is not nearly as large as any fat person here who has diabetes (and a bad case of it). I have a co-worker whom is fat but is an ex-marine and is still pretty active and healthy. Knowing that people can relate all three (peeing a lot - fat - diabetes) is very offensive, in a very indirect way.

I do not think you should act upon it now, but if it does come up again, I would recommend to complain to a higher power about the incident(s).
Think of it in the reverse: He's thinner than you are, does not pee nearly as often, so he must have some sort of brittle-bone disease that causes him to have extreme bladder control and allows him to lose weight in great leaps. Funny?


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## tattooU (Jun 29, 2008)

You work in an "adult shop" right? In my opinion, the offensiveness of the comment depends on the working environment. Not to say that if he offended you, you have no recourse, if you are truly offended you should contact the manager and work things out right away! But many times, a working environment such as yours is free of political correctness and people can say some stupid shit. 

The best way i deal with boys saying potentially offensive things to me (at work) is by throwing more offensive material at them. If he mentions your weight, mention something about his hair, weight or heck, even sexuality (don't be a homophobe, but i hope you know what i mean) Typically, these comments are a sort of verbal pissing contest, especially in male dominated career fields....don't let him win!


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## Haunted (Jun 29, 2008)

tattooU said:


> You work in an "adult shop" right? In my opinion, the offensiveness of the comment depends on the working environment. Not to say that if he offended you, you have no recourse, if you are truly offended you should contact the manager and work things out right away! But many times, a working environment such as yours is free of political correctness and people can say some stupid shit.
> 
> The best way i deal with boys saying potentially offensive things to me (at work) is by throwing more offensive material at them. If he mentions your weight, mention something about his hair, weight or heck, even sexuality (don't be a homophobe, but i hope you know what i mean) Typically, these comments are a sort of verbal pissing contest, especially in male dominated career fields....don't let him win!



Wait wait wait I realize this is more of a size thing but i would assume it falls under sexual Harassment Policy, so my obvious Question is how does one police Sexual Harassment when you'r surrounded by Dildo's and Nudie Magazines, Interesting, very interesting


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## Chimpi (Jun 29, 2008)

Haunted said:


> Wait wait wait I realize this is more of a size thing but i would assume it falls under sexual Harassment Policy, so my obvious Question is how does one police Sexual Harassment when you'r surrounded by Dildo's and Nudie Magazines, Interesting, very interesting



Material possessions (Dildo's, Nudie Magazines, DVD's, etc...) versus human life and interaction (sexual harassment, harassment in general, etc...).


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## Haunted (Jun 29, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Material possessions (Dildo's, Nudie Magazines, DVD's, etc...) versus human life and interaction (sexual harassment, harassment in general, etc...).



Why did i know i would get an answer to that goofball question Thanks Chimpi i was actually curious just didn't expect an answer !!


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## Risible (Jun 29, 2008)

Bexy, he sounds hostile to me, and is letting you know it in a passive-aggressive way.

The first comment I would have let pass. After the second comment, I would have given some thought to what I wanted to say (This is the second time you've made a remark about my weight. Do you have an issue with my size? If so, it is not okay to address it like this. Please stop.), and how I wanted to say it (calmly, assertively, with directness and a small smile). 

If he continues after you've made your boundaries clear, report him. Don't take it to your supervisor without attempting to handle it yourself; having to set boundaries with co-workers is not uncommon.


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## missy_blue_eyez (Jun 29, 2008)

Yeah that would offend me! Give him a kick in the dick and run! hehe


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## Chimpi (Jun 29, 2008)

Haunted said:


> Why did i know i would get an answer to that goofball question Thanks Chimpi i was actually curious just didn't expect an answer !!



 Sorry mate, wasn't sure if you were being facetious or serious. But, there you have it anyway!


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## Haunted (Jun 29, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Sorry mate, wasn't sure if you were being facetious or serious. But, there you have it anyway!



a little of both Thank You


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## Ruffie (Jun 29, 2008)

ANd have dealt with simular things in past working environments before. What I did was pick something to do with them that they might be sensitive of and explain to them using that as an illustration how that made me feel. would say you know when you say that I have to pee more cause I am fat that ofends me. It would me like if I said that your having small hands and feet means you have a small penis. I don't know that for sure neither do you know that my weight causes me to pee more. lol
Ruth


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## diggers1917 (Jun 29, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> Me-Yey, swimming tonight.
> 
> Him- Don't tell me that, fills my head with evil images.



Meh, he doesn't deserve an imagination if he considers those images _evil_. Just as he doesn't deserve any respect or benefits of the doubt, in my opinion.


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## diggers1917 (Jun 29, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> Me-Argh, I need to pee again.
> 
> Him-Thats because of your size.
> 
> ...



A good coversation to follow this would go along the lines of:

Him - Argh, my nose is broken again.

You - Thats because you're a dickhead.

Him - Eh?

You - Dickheads get their noses broken more, have you considered not being a total arsehole?

Him - It's most probably due to the fact that you just hit me incredibly hard in the face with a blunt instrument.

You - No, it's probably 'cos you're a dickhead.


Well, one can dream. It's a conversation _I'd_ like to overhear. I imagine the proceeding sound being strangely satisfying.


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## olwen (Jun 29, 2008)

Bexy, I'd be offended by those comments, and I'd be inclinded to think that he is truly uncomfortable around fat people for whatever reasons and that maybe he's attracted to you and he's struggling with it. I'd tell him to keep the fat hating comments to himself, and just to be mean I'd stick my boobs as close to his face as possible just to watch him squirm, then I'd tell him that if he says another fat hating thing that we'd both have a problem.


ETA: so after having read the whole thread - my thoughts still stand, but without the attraction and boobie parts.


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## Haunted (Jun 29, 2008)

olwen said:


> Bexy, I'd be offended by those comments, and I'd be inclinded to think that he is truly uncomfortable around fat people for whatever reasons and that maybe he's attracted to you and he's struggling with it. I'd tell him to keep the fat hating comments to himself, and just to be mean I'd stick my boobs as close to his face as possible just to watch him squirm, then I'd tell him that if he says another fat hating thing that we'd both have a problem.



pssssst He's Gay (i Know i just found out I was shocked to)


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## Fascinita (Jun 29, 2008)

Bexy, you must confront him to get him to stop, since it sounds like he's raring to start on a pattern of verbal aggression against your being fat.

Politely but very firmly ask him to stop giving you medical advice, as he's not a doctor. Do it in a tone that you think has the best chance of making him hear you. Maybe in a sarcastic, humorous tone. Or in a snappy, tough cookie tone. Whatever you think will work.


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## goofy girl (Jun 29, 2008)

oK, But if Bex really isn't offended by it, then is he being offensive?? (sort of if the tree falls and nobody is there to hear it type thing)

I just don't that if she really doesn't care one way or the other, is it worth talking to her supervisor?? 

I guess to answer my own question (i love doing that lol) it should be brought to a supervisors attention just to have it documented in case things get out of control somehow....


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## bexy (Jun 29, 2008)

see I wasnt overly offended at the comments, more offended at the fact he thought it OK to say them, if that makes sense?

we have another co worker who is obsessed with losing weight, is in the process of obtaining a loan to get plastic surgery, takes all sort of pills and potions to try to lose weight etc. he tells her she is gorgeous, not to be silly, she doesnt need to lose weight etc. she would be smaller than me but still a larger lady.

after thinking about it I do believe he thinks he is being jovial and jokey. he tries to be my friend a lot, like asks me to his house etc. maybe this is his attempt at comradeship?




> But many times, a working environment such as yours is free of political correctness and people can say some stupid shit.



i dont think the environment i work in would affect anything. at the end of the day it is a professional working retail environment. we have a good manager and she is very approachable. in fact i think the openess of the environment i work in would help in bringing this matter up if i ever had to. 
also being in northern ireland, political correctness is always an issue. a slip of the tongue about religion in any job and youre out on your ear.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 29, 2008)

Seth Warren said:


> Your co-worker is an asshole.



This is, indeed, my first impression....



bexylicious said:


> see I wasnt overly offended at the comments, more offended at the fact he thought it OK to say them, if that makes sense?
> 
> we have another co worker who is obsessed with losing weight, is in the process of obtaining a loan to get plastic surgery, takes all sort of pills and potions to try to lose weight etc. he tells her she is gorgeous, not to be silly, she doesnt need to lose weight etc. she would be smaller than me but still a larger lady.
> 
> ...




That hot and cold...bothers me. I would either find some way to first let him know that he NEEDS TO STOP those comments....he might be willing to shut up if his bad behavior was pointed out to him. However, if he continued, then I might consider speaking with the manager....but only as a last resort.


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## bexy (Jun 29, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> This is, indeed, my first impression....
> 
> 
> 
> ...




with regards to his hot and cold behaviour. I pointed this example out because this lady has made it clear she HATES her body and her weight, so none of us would ever dream of making fun of that.
I have made it clear that I LOVE my body and my weight, and maybe he sees that as making it ok to joke about it then?

In the same way, I do joke about my gay friends now and then, but wouldnt if they were in the closet, or only I knew, or they were struggling with their sexuality.

So does my being ok with my weight make it ok for him to joke about it, I suppose is the bottom line.

I'm still very unsure as to what I think. I have no problems with people calling me fat, or making a joke about the size of my bum say. But his comments may have been a stretch too far.


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## goofy girl (Jun 29, 2008)

COuld you say, in as "joking" of a way that he makes his comments "you're lucky I'm not offended by the things you say"...

or something like that?? I dont know if that would even be a good thing to do, but that's probably what I would say..just so he knew I wasn't an idiot and I heard everything he said


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## sweet&fat (Jun 29, 2008)

Bex, I see what you're saying about him perhaps trying (and failing miserably) to emulate fat positive talk, but if his comments truly didn't bother you at all, would you have started this thread in the first place?


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## bexy (Jun 29, 2008)

goofy girl said:


> COuld you say, in as "joking" of a way that he makes his comments "you're lucky I'm not offended by the things you say"...
> 
> or something like that?? I dont know if that would even be a good thing to do, but that's probably what I would say..just so he knew I wasn't an idiot and I heard everything he said



was thinking about this. was thinking of saying something like "see if our boss overheard you being cheeky like that, you'd get a telling off.." or such like.


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## bexy (Jun 29, 2008)

sweet&fat said:


> Bex, I see what you're saying about him perhaps trying (and failing miserably) to emulate fat positive talk, but if his comments truly didn't bother you at all, would you have started this thread in the first place?



no, i wouldnt. they would have rolled right off my back and probably not been absorbed had they not bothered me at all.

its just that i am trying to get to the bottom of what bothers me. 
was it what was said, or that it was said at all?
why and how it was said, and if i should do anything about it?

i think they are the issues i am trying to figure out.


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## goofy girl (Jun 29, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> was thinking about this. was thinking of saying something like "see if our boss overheard you being cheeky like that, you'd get a telling off.." or such like.



I think that's what I would do, too. It's probably the first thing you shouldn't do - since I always do these things wrong LOL- but if you say that than hopefully either 1)he'll stop or 2) it will open up a conversation so that you guys can be on the same page


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 29, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> with regards to his hot and cold behaviour. I pointed this example out because this lady has made it clear she HATES her body and her weight, so none of us would ever dream of making fun of that.
> I have made it clear that I LOVE my body and my weight, and maybe he sees that as making it ok to joke about it then?
> 
> In the same way, I do joke about my gay friends now and then, but wouldnt if they were in the closet, or only I knew, or they were struggling with their sexuality.
> ...



I understand what you are saying and asking here.....and my answer is no...it's not OKAY for him to make those comments...especially when it is a stupid generalization about fat people peeing more...even when you tell him you have one kidney. I think there is more underlying here than his social ineptness...and he is taking too much of a liberty with you. Perhaps it does bother him to see a fat person like herself....perhaps he doesn't like any woman to like herself. Maybe he is this way with all people because...he probably hates himself.
Whatever the reason...it's HIS problem...as in not yours. And he has no rights or liberties with you...even if he tries to "make up for it" to assuage his own guilt by being nice later on.


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## bexy (Jun 29, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I understand what you are saying and asking here.....and my answer is no...it's not OKAY for him to make those comments...especially when it is a stupid generalization about fat people peeing more...even when you tell him you have one kidney. I think there is more underlying here than his social ineptness...and he is taking too much of a liberty with you. Perhaps it does bother him to see a fat person like herself....perhaps he doesn't like any woman to like herself. Maybe he is this way with all people because...he probably hates himself.
> Whatever the reason...it's HIS problem...as in not yours. And he has no rights or liberties with you...even if he tries to "make up for it" to assuage his own guilt by being nice later on.



he is pretty stupid. we had an argument about the fact he said the hamstring was in your arm. also he is from the middle of the countryside, so is a hillbilly lol.

joking aside, i see what you are saying GEF. there are acceptable jokes between friends and workmates, but this wasnt one of them. i am going to play things by ear and see how it goes. if it happens again i will speak up. i hope to say something like just because i have no problem being fat, does not mean i have no problem being ridiculed for it.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Jun 29, 2008)

Bexy I know exactly what you are going thru. I have a "co-worker" that's very much like this. I work in the office with my two bosses. This guy works in our warehouse, and has been there for a number of years. Well... he can be VERY sarcastic and blunt... and he says whatever he wants to whoever he wants, because my bosses have not stopped him in all the years he's been there. He's a very loyal, hard worker, but can be ridiculous in how he acts.

Well, for YEARS he's had a thing for me. He's very blatant about it, which I could care less about. I have no interest in him and he knows that. BUT, his way of flattery... is to be rude. Don't ask me why, but that's his way.

I put up with his form of flattery for years.... as in 20+.... even though, at times, it was very hurtful. I didn't say much to anyone because I didn't want them to know it was bothering me. AND I made the mistake of laughing at the things he said, because I didn't want HIM to know he was bothering me. 

Well, in the past couple of years I've been much more confident in myself and have been dating a whole lot more, which he knows about. I see him looking at the pictures on my desk of the guy I am dating. Quite frankly, I think he is jealous. But again, his way of dealing with it (to MY face) is to be sarcastic, rude, and crude, again... blatantly. It's been getting worse... to the point where my bosses have made comments to him, but because it's gone on so long, he doesn't appear to give a crap. 

About five months ago, he made a comment that really got under my skin, and instead of laughing it off and walking away, I got right up in his face (I'm 5'4" and he's over 6'0") and said "ENOUGH! I've had enough of the comments. I don't appreciate them one ounce and they're not remotely funny. If that's all you know how to say to me, then don't speak to me at all." Both of my bosses were standing RIGHT there and heard the entire exchange. He just stared at me, and I walked away. 

Since that time, he has barely said ANYTHING to me... other than work related things. He's not made ANY rude comments at ALL. (at least not to ME) The grapevine says that he thinks I'm a "f**king c**t"... which I know is because I no longer laugh at everything that he says. Whatever. He can say whatever he wants to about me. I feel great about what I said to him and about how things are. There were times when I dreaded him coming into the office because I knew something would be said. Now, I have no problem at all. 

As far as him not being fired for his comments... I blame my bosses for that. They allowed it to go on for entirely too long. BUT, they would NEVER fire the guy. EVER. He's been there for more than 30 years. He is our longest employed worker, and, as I said, is very loyal and very hardworking. I would have to sue him for harassment, which I would never do. I wouldn't do that to my bosses, or the company. They have been very good to me for 24 years. 

It doesn't matter anyway. He's no longer making the comments, but even if he does, I KNOW I can stand up for myself and put him in his place AGAIN. But I don't expect it to happen. 

So Bexy I know what you're saying about this guy just joking... but I WOULD say something to the guy, if I were you. And honestly... a few other people said to be nice about it... I wouldn't. I would be as blunt to him, as he was to you. That's the only way he'll "get it". 

Good luck sweetie....


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## Carl1h (Jun 29, 2008)

You should say something to him and you should say it while you aren't angry, rather than letting him get you to a tipping point. You mentioned that you tend to joke some about yourself and that he might have taken that as a cue to make the same sort of jokes himself. I would take that as a starting point. He obviously doesn't understand the difference between making jokes about yourself and having someone else make jokes about you. Try explaining the difference to him. A self deprecating joke isn't an invitation for others to pile on criticism, it's just a way for us not to take ourselves too seriously. An appropriate response would be for him to make a joke at his own expense, not to make them at your expense.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 29, 2008)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Bexy I know exactly what you are going thru. I have a "co-worker" that's very much like this. I work in the office with my two bosses. This guy works in our warehouse, and has been there for a number of years. Well... he can be VERY sarcastic and blunt... and he says whatever he wants to whoever he wants, because my bosses have not stopped him in all the years he's been there. He's a very loyal, hard worker, but can be ridiculous in how he acts.
> 
> Well, for YEARS he's had a thing for me. He's very blatant about it, which I could care less about. I have no interest in him and he knows that. BUT, his way of flattery... is to be rude. Don't ask me why, but that's his way.
> 
> ...




Wow Vi....I think this is one of your best posts ever. I am "out of rep" again but I owe you some for this


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## bexy (Jun 29, 2008)

also out of rep, but way to stand up for yourself girlie, way proud of you here!!


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## JMNYC (Jun 29, 2008)

Any comment about my size, whether positive or negative, isn't something I seek or welcome.


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## tonynyc (Jun 29, 2008)

Hi Bexy: 

Not much to add -but, at the very least you can simply say you don't find such humor funny- the last thing you want is an intolerable work environment where you co-worker feels he can chime in with these remarks anytime he felt like and get any other person to join in with him.


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## D_A_Bunny (Jun 29, 2008)

First off, yes, I would be offended. BECAUSE he was bringing health into it, even though you told him, if it was health related, why - as in lots of tea, one kidney.

Secondly, since he is gay, I will paint a broad stroke and assume that he can be catty and jealous like a typical woman (please, no haters!), anyhoo, maybe he is jealous that you are so out and proud about your body and your self OR

maybe is really is just a hillbilly, like you have mentioned, that doesn't have enough sense to recognize innappropriate comments.

Personally, if I liked him enough, I would make a point to tell him something along the lines of, yea, here's the thing, when I make a comment about something in general, IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO BRING MY WEIGHT INTO THE CONVERSATION, get it? NO really, do you get it? OK, carry on.

And these comments were not meant to offend anyone, gay or female especially, ok?


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## Gateway (Jun 29, 2008)

Buy a chainsaw and see how things go from there.


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## KendraLee (Jun 29, 2008)

Wow Bexy, I'm with everyone here. The guy is an idiot. My mouth dropped open when I read the comments he made to you. In the first one- you know your body and where the hell does he get off telling you something about your health. Women in general go to the bathroom a hell of a lot more than men. Never really thought it was an issue of fat unless your preggers and the baby is pushing on your bladder. Does the idiot think every fat person has diabetes. The second comment pissed me off too because I hated Shallow Hal and I wouldnt want my enjoyment of swimming being overshadowed by a tasteless (my opinion-I realize others might like it) scene in a movie. Both of the comments were innappropriate and even if they were meant as jokes, a lot of times a persons jokes come from a mean place. I understand you not wanting to rock the boat at work. So maybe you should just say it to him on a one on one level "Hey, I just want to tell you, I really like myself, no, I love myself and my body and I may refer to myself as fat because I am fat but that doesnt make it ok for you make the kind of comments you make to me. I find them insensitive and derogatory". Maybe something like that will help.


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## Theresa48 (Jun 29, 2008)

He is either a jerk or he is clueless. I think that either way, a conversation with him would be in order. As suggested by others, let him know that you do not find his comments funny and would appreciate it if he stopped making them. If he is clueless and does want to be on good terms with you, he will apologize and change. If he is a jerk, well, he will do what jerks do but at least you will know that and you can put him on warning that it is not acceptable to treat you that way and that you will "insert here what ever it is that you feel comfortable doing..report him to your boss or something else" next time it occurs. The problem will not go away on its own, I'm afraid. Take care and I hope you can get this sorted out to your satisfaction.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Jun 29, 2008)

Thanks GEF... 




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Wow Vi....I think this is one of your best posts ever. I am "out of rep" again but I owe you some for this


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## Violet_Beauregard (Jun 29, 2008)

Thank you! You can do the same... 



bexylicious said:


> also out of rep, but way to stand up for yourself girlie, way proud of you here!!


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## moore2me (Jun 29, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> Two comments made by my co worker.
> 
> Me-Argh, I need to pee again.
> 
> ...



*Moore's comments:*
*Bexy, In the US, I think this would be covered under ADA (the Americans with Disabilities Act) that prohibits discrimination against handicapped people in the workplace. This reg is stronger than any reg covering the rights of fat people, so if you were in the US, that would be the best one to use. Since you co-worker suggested you are diabetic and you informed him your urinary tract is compromised due to only having one kidney and you need to void your bladder frequently, that seems like a chronic medical condition to me.

Again, in the US, it is your employer's responsibility to make sure you are not harassed due to a medical condition & you have even stronger protection if you ask for reasonable accomodations. I also think that under the ADA reg, you are not to be harassed by your co-workers for using those accomodations (ie. frequent pit stops). It is your employer's responsibility to assure that your co-workers follow these rules, it is not your responsibility to "straighten out" this guy who is making fun of your physical limitations. I do not know what the law is in Ireland, but it is probably somewhat parallel to the US reg.*




Haunted said:


> Wait wait wait I realize this is more of a size thing but i would assume it falls under sexual Harassment Policy, so my obvious Question is how does one police Sexual Harassment when you'r surrounded by Dildo's and Nudie Magazines, Interesting, very interesting



*So what you're saying is that because a woman works in a sex shop, she has no rights against sexual harassment? If someone is an exotic dancer, does that mean the customer has the right to grope and handle her body? IMHO, Women are not all judged by the things they sell or where they work. 

Also, many people have strict rules governing business where they work. I imagine sex shops are like bars and other places where the public needs to be tightly controlled by regulations. Other places might be pharmacies, gas stations, etc. How about if she is a bartender - could she refuse to serve drunks? If she is a pharmacist - could she refuse to give out pills to someone who was "tripping"? If she worked at a gas station, could she refuse to sell gas to someone who wanted to dispense it into a empty, gallon, milk jug?*


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## vardon_grip (Jun 29, 2008)

moore2me said:


> *snip*
> If someone is an exotic dancer, does that mean the customer has the right to grope and handle her body?



I sure hope so...it's what I am paying for dangit!

j/k


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## Haunted (Jun 29, 2008)

I should be more careful about where i fire my sarcasm 



moore2me said:


> *Moore's comments:*
> *Bexy, In the US, I think this would be covered under ADA (the Americans with Disabilities Act) that prohibits discrimination against handicapped people in the workplace. This reg is stronger than any reg covering the rights of fat people, so if you were in the US, that would be the best one to use. Since you co-worker suggested you are diabetic and you informed him your urinary tract is compromised due to only having one kidney and you need to void your bladder frequently, that seems like a chronic medical condition to me.
> 
> Again, in the US, it is your employer's responsibility to make sure you are not harassed due to a medical condition & you have even stronger protection if you ask for reasonable accomodations. I also think that under the ADA reg, you are not to be harassed by your co-workers for using those accomodations (ie. frequent pit stops). It is your employer's responsibility to assure that your co-workers follow these rules, it is not your responsibility to "straighten out" this guy who is making fun of your physical limitations. I do not know what the law is in Ireland, but it is probably somewhat parallel to the US reg.*
> ...


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## Ruby Ripples (Jun 30, 2008)

Wow Bexy, what a stupid person he is, to have said such things to you. I can absolutely understand some reluctance on your part to confront him, particularly if you have to work quite closely. But like Violet showed in her story, if you don't nip this in the bud, it is likely to just get worse. I would get him maybe at teabreak or something and tell him nicely that you know (hope) he was just being silly with his weight related comments, but that they ARE derogatory and you don't want him to do that again. AND that although you are perfectly happy and content in your body, comments such as his, do hurt, just as a happy and content gay man can be hurt by derogatory comments relating to their sexuality, even in jest. 

Good luck with whatever you do, let us know what he says!!


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## Littleghost (Jun 30, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> So the general consensus is hes an offensive asshole.
> 
> I don't know what to do, I think the easiest option is just to let it pass for now but if it happens again to say something to him.



Sounds like a reasonable plan, but I can almost guarantee that there _will_ be a next time. So be sure to make the most of it or it'll get harder each time.



> I don't want to be a person to instigate trouble in my workplace as I am the newest member of staff.



I can understand the worry, but I doubt others would see defending yourself as making trouble. Well, maybe he would, but does anyone else there actually like him? Maybe it'd even put you in better with your co-workers.



> I also truly don't think he was trying to be offensive, I think he truly beleived he was being funny.



Which is why they call it insensitive. You're taking his feelings into account far more than the other way around. If someone made a joke about him having a small crotch or being effeminate, he wouldn't be as polite as you are.



> I also believe as I talk about my weight in a happy way, or call myself fat he thinks its ok to joke about it, if that makes sense.
> Like if he thought I was unhappy and miserable in my body he wouldnt joke, but as he knows I am not he thinks its ok?



Yeah, it makes sense, but it doesn't sound at all like he fully gets the concept of your self-acceptance; just more the fact that he could probably get away with insults. It'll probably be difficult to not send mixed messages if you're not clear about it, but just keep it up, it'll pay off. Here's hoping work will be more enjoyable. Good Luck!


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## gangstadawg (Jun 30, 2008)

jeff7005 said:


> this guy is jerk he needs to get ass kicked.


thats why the world is full of jerks because these people didnt get there faces kicked in at young ages.


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## William (Jun 30, 2008)

Hi Bexy

I think that someone here gave good advice, that if you have a decent relationship with the guy sit him down and explain why his statements hurt you. 

How he reacts determines how you proceed.

William




gangstadawg said:


> thats why the world is full of jerks because these people didnt get there faces kicked in at young ages.


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## mossystate (Jun 30, 2008)

I only read the first post.

Bexy, please..please...please...trust and value your gut feelings on such things. I am so beyond sick of seeing people being told they are ' too sensitive ' when someone else is being a moron.

You did not need people telling you this is wrong. You knew it was wrong. I am glad you posted, just so you could have folks tell you that you deserve to be spoken to in a decent manner, just never let anyone tell you you are too senstive. If more people were MORE sensitive, we would have fewer threads like this one. Nipping this....now....really important, no matter how hard it might be, and no matter the shit you might get.


And....kicking the asses of young people tends to make them bullies....gee, kinda like the man Bexy is talking about.


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## moniquessbbw (Jun 30, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> Two comments made by my co worker.
> 
> Me-Argh, I need to pee again.
> 
> ...



It isnt funny and would piss me off. I would have a few choice words for that guy.


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## mergirl (Jun 30, 2008)

moniquessbbw said:


> It isnt funny and would piss me off. I would have a few choice words for that guy.


i tend to think that guys that are make those kinna comments do so cause they have small cocks. i would suggest that the next time he needs a piss say to him "i'm surprised you can piss at all having such a small willy" erm..and tell him that its maby a good thing cause any partner that would be stupid enough to shag him certainly wouldnt be needing any KY!!
what a dick! 
HELLZ YES i would be offended..but then if you let all the stipid people in the world bother you, you would spend half your life pissed off.. i would report him to your manager..
grrr..

xmer


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## fabeantownluver (Jun 30, 2008)

he might have the hotts for you and you and probably does not want to admit it!!

and he is hust an asshole... he has probably pissed of other women at the office.


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## fabeantownluver (Jun 30, 2008)

i am sure you could make a harassment complaint against him and teach the guy a lesson.. i am sure offices crack down on this type of behavior.


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## Red (Jun 30, 2008)

Euuugh, stuff like this really gets on my tits, especially when the person doing it has the balls to think that they're being humourous.

You're so not being too sensitive...

He sounds like an idiot looking for some sort of admiration and respect but totally going about it in the wrong way. I had the misfortune to work with someone similar who, in the end I just shut up by telling him behaviour like that just isn't funny, as in no one laughs at your jokes dude, they are laughing at you not with you, you're being a dick, don't you realise? I was kind of harsh but effective.


I think you're right, he's probably just doing it to get along with you and ride on your personality coat tail or just testing you to see how much you will tolerate seeing as you have some sort of authority over him at the workplace.

Kick him into touch but if he keeps doing it, report him.


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## mergirl (Jun 30, 2008)

fabeantownluver said:


> he might have the hotts for you and you and probably does not want to admit it!!
> 
> and he is hust an asshole... he has probably pissed of other women at the office.


aye but she said he was gay..he is just a bitchy wee cockless queen! I usually love bitchy queens too..but not stupid socially retarded ones like the afore mentioned..
again.."ggggggggrrrrrrrrrr"!!

xmer


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## fabeantownluver (Jun 30, 2008)

well, he is a jerk either way........


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## mergirl (Jun 30, 2008)

fabeantownluver said:


> well, he is a jerk either way........


right! jerkyness is sexuality ambivilant!

xmer


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## mergirl (Jun 30, 2008)

mergirl said:


> right! jerkyness is sexuality ambivilant!
> 
> xmer


erm.. did i mean ambivilant? my brain went wonky for a moment.. either way.. he is a bawbag!

xmer


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## Les Toil (Jun 30, 2008)

Hey Bexy. I was going to raise a question that I assumed many others here pondered, which is...does he have a crush on you? I mean, he's showing all the signs of infatuation, and you are a very attractive young woman (although taunting a girl to get her affection is a method that only works in grade school). Buttttt...later on in the thread you pointed out his gayness, so I guess it's a pointless question. 

Gays can be extremely catty as someone pointed out, but they also have a strong solidarity with BBW.

Regardless, he's a douche.


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## Ernest Nagel (Jun 30, 2008)

Maybe just take a tip from one of your most illustrious countrymen?

"Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn."
George Bernard Shaw, Back to Methuselah (1921) pt. 5
Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 - 1950)


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## Zandoz (Jun 30, 2008)

Offend me? No. Make me respond in ways that might get me in trouble? Probably.

Case #1 Response: The reason fat people need to pee more is because jerks like you piss us off.


Case #2 Response: For future reference, it's never a good idea to reveal a weak point to someone you've just insulted <evil laugh>

I know most will disagree, but if you want to keep your job, don't make waves unless you're sure the one you are trying to swamp doesn't have high place life preservers.


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## Waxwing (Jun 30, 2008)

Lovely Bexy, this would and SHOULD offend anyone. What a horrible, pointlessly hateful person this guy is.


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## bmann0413 (Jun 30, 2008)

EVIL! This guy is pure evil! Burn him! *holds up a torch and pitchfork* lol

Anyways, sorry you had to have that told to you from such a douche, Bexy...


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## JerseyGirl07093 (Jun 30, 2008)

Yes, I would be offended. 
And I know that I, like others, tend to be "too nice" to people and let comments slide and not say anything sometimes. But if he continues to make comments then they are no longer just a 'one time' joke or something he just blurted out. They are mean and he has to know what he is saying.
Next time he says something like this just tell him in a nice way that his comments are inappropriate and that you don't like them. It may be hard to do but it is the best way. If he continues to do it then he is just an insensitive a$$hole. 
I've had this problem with a friend of mine and I'm currently distancing myself from her for it. Every thing that I mention is wrong or that I'm having a problem with she always thinks 'has to do with my weight' and she likes to yell at me about it. That kind of aggravation I don't need!


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## angel-1 (Jul 1, 2008)

ASS KICKING ASAP!!!!


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## squidge dumpling (Jul 3, 2008)

Hell yes it would offend me. I think the guy is very rude.


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## Scrumptious_voluptuous (Jul 3, 2008)

Just to add - Yes, I'd be shocked and offended. I talk about my weight in a happy, open way to my co-workers too. But none of them would EVER say ANYTHING like that. 

If he carries on, either have words with him, or HR because if he thinks he can keep saying shit like that, he will. And if he's an asshole in general anyway, then you might be doing the rest of the team a favour by putting him right.

I know you don't want to rock the boat cos you're new, but it has to stop somewhere. Otherwise you'll carry on and he'll think he can keep doing it.


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## Still a Skye fan (Jul 3, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> Two comments made by my co worker.
> 
> Me-Argh, I need to pee again.
> 
> ...




Hi Bexy,

Nope, I don't find his comments funny or hurtful.

He's just an idiot is all and not worth the bother of getting worked up over.


Hugs

Dennis

PS: I'm an average-sized guy with TWO working kidneys, I drink lots of green tea and water during an ordinary day at work: 2-3 mugs of tea and a couple mugs of water...trust me, by the end of the day, I have to go.


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## LisaInNC (Jul 3, 2008)

I would have stabbed him on the spot.


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## Lastminute.Tom (Jul 3, 2008)

he's a bitch and taking out his frustration on you, maybe he got scorned because of his image and therefore is passing the tongue lashings on to the next easy target

or maybe he sees you being open and happy and he can't find it in himself to do the same so he's trying to hurt you


remember all attack is a cry for help


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## Redhotphatgirl (Jul 3, 2008)

Haunted said:


> although his comments are socially unacceptable is it at all possible that he is an FA or attracted to you and since you make light of your Size could he be using it to flirt (Badly but flirt nonetheless) regardless it is inappropriate for the work place but it's possible he's just socially Retarded and not a complete Jerk.
> 
> I call My girl Fatty i rub her tummy in public i joke about her eating a bit more now of course we have that type of relationship, but it horrifies people who over hear us lol. She loves acting all hurt and surprised and saying "did you just Call me Fat!" to which i reply "Um Yeah" it ends with a cute Shrug and an "Oh Ok just checking" leaves people wondering WTF Just happened




I thought this also


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