# Fed Up



## Big_Belly_Lover (Jul 26, 2012)

Felt like a rant coz of the way things have been going recently so here goes...

I'm fed up with being single, not seeing anyone recently (female) and having it always not work out with girls; it seems like it's the one thing that I really want and can't get!!

I've only had one proper girlfriend who I was with for a year, other than that I've been on dates and was seeing 2 other girls in the past the last of which things ended with at the end of May this year. I've also been trying to arrange a date with someone who lives fairly local to me but things just keep coming up...

I've tried dating sites with varied success but not really found that many girls who live near me that I'm interested in, also been to the BBW club nights in London a few times but haven't had any luck there!

I just don't know what to do and it feels frustrating...

Whenever I have been with a girl in the past she's always been unhappy about herself, not comfortable with the things I'm into about her and stuff like that - recently I've been thinking I'd be better off trying to get with slimmer girls but I wouldn't be happy and can't change what I'm into!

For once I'd just like to have a break and meet someone that I'm into physically as well as share things in common, like personality-wise and get on with but hey; I'm not living in America and going out with a Plus Sized model.


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## zxc098 (Jul 26, 2012)

im in the same boat.

I'm tall 6'4, dark hair/features - very fit, reasonably good looking, good education, little or no debt, good family, own my own business which does quite well, have a house a nice car and good social skills as that's a huge part of my work.

Yet I cant even get a date since ages, never get a "No" they just all flake on me or stand me up.


Worst part for me is that whenever i do meet someone i get "blocked" by all the stupid little friends that come flocking or some old bitty who think she needs to protect the girls from nasty me as I couldn't possibly be interested in this girl, she's fat! - surely hes drunk!


Starting to give up on girls, save my money and buy a Ferrari me recons - probably get more enjoyment out of that then spending money on some silly women @[email protected]

Although i was contemplating going speed dating at some stage this year, at least that way you get a few minutes alone time to talk without interruptions.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 26, 2012)

Big_Belly_Lover said:


> Felt like a rant coz of the way things have been going recently so here goes...
> 
> I'm fed up with being single, not seeing anyone recently (female) and having it always not work out with girls; it seems like it's the one thing that I really want and can't get!!
> 
> ...



What you need to do is find girls that are into themselves and wouldn't mind the compliments you're used to giving. 

The best lesson is to always be yourself but find the x-factor that would make a girl interested in you over the others. Like if you and 4 other guys were after the same girl, you need to do something special that the other guys wouldn't do or as well as you.

3 other people thought my fiancee was hot the first night we met but I was the one who was with her in the parking lot listening to old school hard rock, (her favorite) who else would have thought of doing that at a dance?


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## Big_Belly_Lover (Jul 26, 2012)

KHayes666 said:


> What you need to do is find girls that are into themselves and wouldn't mind the compliments you're used to giving.
> 
> The best lesson is to always be yourself but find the x-factor that would make a girl interested in you over the others. Like if you and 4 other guys were after the same girl, you need to do something special that the other guys wouldn't do or as well as you.
> 
> 3 other people thought my fiancee was hot the first night we met but I was the one who was with her in the parking lot listening to old school hard rock, (her favorite) who else would have thought of doing that at a dance?



That sounds impossible seriously as I've not met anyone like that yet and I don't know where else to look! All the dating sites I'm on have the same people with little or no variation and the ones who say they are comfortable with their bodies are nowhere near me like I mentioned in my thread.

I was in town the other week and I saw quite a few bigger and curvier girls who I found attractive but I just find it hard to approach them - I know dropped the ball there; "what am I whining about" but like I said: I find it hard to approach them mainly because they're normally in groups, I haven't a clue what to say, find it hard to be heard in clubs and worried about rejection.

Thanks for the response(s) anyway!

I feel like giving up too tbh...


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jul 26, 2012)

Big_Belly_Lover said:


> I find it hard to approach them mainly because they're normally in groups, I haven't a clue what to say, find it hard to be heard in clubs and worried about rejection.



_Anybody_ would find it hard to approach a woman who is part of a group. If you've been doing your looking in clubs and bars you've been handicapping yourself unnecessarily: look for a clean, well-lit public venue where a woman is nevertheless likely to be on her own. The produce aisle of a grocery is a great place because you can always smile and say, "Excuse me; do you know how to tell if this canteloupe is ripe?" And if she responds, you thank her for helping you and carry on from there. The laundromat is another good place: it gets really boring watching the dryer go around, and what could be nicer than someone to talk to? The public library is another winner; that's where I met my wife thirty years ago. Good luck!


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## fiddypence (Jul 27, 2012)

Find another way to meet people other than dating websites. Think of all the time and energy you put into that and put it into something fun. You'll meet someone who shares your interests then. Trust me.


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## Nenona (Jul 30, 2012)

two major things.
1.) Don't be just 'a dude'--advice that I heard before was "choose a thing--goth, rocker, emo, vegan hippie--just choose it"--I don't think that's proper.
Instead, the Advice is as mentioned above--don't just be another face in the crowd.
Do you have a hobby with bookbinding and repairing old books? Mention that.
Do you do hiking on a regular basis with your buddies? Mention that.
Do you love cooking new recipes of Indian and mexican food? Bring that up.
It's honestly why I've netted the attention of people....both ladies and guys, because I've always got something to say and things to talk about, and a hobby to work on. I'm not just...a chick--I have quirky interests and am not afraid to talk about my love of microhouses or balcony gardening or tiny asian apartments.

2.) Use those hobbies! Find women or men who are into them! That's honestly the best way to find and making lasting relationships--find people into the same things as yourself, and form relationship based on your mutual love of cooking, or your interest in old library books, or your love of origami.

Seriously, these things work, and even if you don't have people you can date, you will make friends you can talk to through this--I actually have a ton of guy friends, and several writers who use me as an indispensable resource when they're brainstorming. 
I suppose the only warning is....don't make your only 'thing' being into fat women. I've honestly only ever run the other way when guys like...message me about how much they love my chub...but they're into guns and football. I get that the only thing they care about is that I'm fat, but I really want someone I can share my hobbies with, and I refuse to give them up to be the ideal woman for a random guy.
I've actually tried bringing up my hobbies before, when a guy messages me about how he likes big ladies--and it never works, he's either too horny or too single-minded to accept that I'm a creative who really needs mental stimulation from the people close to me.
so yeah, have hobbies, find people based on those hobbies.
Will make much longer-lasting relationships than just "I find this chick hot".

I give this advice to my guy friends, and I always have to refrain from the "I told you so" when yet -another- date doesn't pan out because the girl chattered about nail polish colors the entire time.:doh:


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## Big_Belly_Lover (Jul 30, 2012)

Nenona said:


> two major things.
> 1.) Don't be just 'a dude'--advice that I heard before was "choose a thing--goth, rocker, emo, vegan hippie--just choose it"--I don't think that's proper.
> Instead, the Advice is as mentioned above--don't just be another face in the crowd.
> Do you have a hobby with bookbinding and repairing old books? Mention that.
> ...



Erm thanks but I never message a girl on dating sites just because she's big; I always try and see if we share similar interests so that there's things for us to talk about!

I don't really know what you mean when you say: "don't just be a 'dude'"?

It's quite hard to not be just another "face in the crowd" - I said before how I find it hard to approach girls in clubs etc.

Don't really have hobbies per se but interests I have include: music (listening to), attending gigs and the Reading rock festival, watching movies on DVD and at the cinema, playing computer games, surfing the internet and chatting online, eating out, going out drinking with friends, reading and watching programmes I'm into on television - there might be some of those in there that I can meet people through *shrugs*...


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## Big_Belly_Lover (Jul 30, 2012)

fiddypence said:


> Find another way to meet people other than dating websites. Think of all the time and energy you put into that and put it into something fun. You'll meet someone who shares your interests then. Trust me.



My interests are more insular if that makes sense so the only chance I get to meet girls other than through dating sites and chatrooms is in pubs, clubs, bars etc.


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## CastingPearls (Jul 30, 2012)

Let's see, I'm a BBW, so where was I today? 

I met a guy at a deli, while I was ordering a roast beef and Swiss on Italian bread. He bought me an Italian ice. 
I met a guy at a tattoo studio while asking the owner about white tattoos.
I met a guy at a supermarket while he was filling my order at the salad counter (judging by his big floppy hat, evidently he was 'the chef') and
I met two guys at a lounge, where I stopped during a downpour, to have a glass of wine and watch a bit of the Olympics, before heading home. Oh, make that three-the bartender was sweet on me too. 

We're everywhere. You need to broaden your horizons and step outside your comfort zones. I met all kinds of men today who were interested in me. Some were shy, some were outgoing. I can't guarantee they were FA's and not CPAs (CastingPearlsAdmirers) but I was game and so were they. Keep trying. You'll find her.


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## AuntHen (Jul 31, 2012)

CastingPearls said:


> Let's see, I'm a BBW, so where was I today?
> 
> I met a guy at a deli, while I was ordering a roast beef and Swiss on Italian bread. He bought me an Italian ice.
> I met a guy at a tattoo studio while asking the owner about white tattoos.
> ...




so true!
I am an avid walker... I get more horn honks, whistles, "wooooo", "heyyyy girrll" and waves than I can count (grant it, this is a bit more of an immature approach). One guy driving by actually passed me, put on his brakes, backed his truck up in the middle of the road and proceeded to start a conversation about baby turtles a couple of nights ago haha 

This is *just *on my walks...


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## Big_Belly_Lover (Aug 3, 2012)

CastingPearls said:


> Let's see, I'm a BBW, so where was I today?
> 
> I met a guy at a deli, while I was ordering a roast beef and Swiss on Italian bread. He bought me an Italian ice.
> I met a guy at a tattoo studio while asking the owner about white tattoos.
> ...



I know what your saying and that there are plenty big girls in the general populace it's just that I feel awkward, nervous and shy talking to a random stranger who I like the look of in public - I think it's more of an American thing to do.

I think I tend to go for dating sites as you know a bit about the person before you even chat to them; if they share similar interests to you etc, and also you can chat to them online to get get to know them first. I probably shouldn't rely on those too much anymore though because as I've mentioned; it's not really yielded much success and I waste so much time pouring over them but the concept of striking up a conversation with a complete stranger I see on my day to day business is quite alien to me (although sometimes after walking past someone I find attractive I sometimes think "damn, I should have said 'hi' to her" or felt myself going to say something but nothing comes out, feel sheepish and just walk on)!


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