# How fickle are you?



## Amaranthine (Apr 21, 2013)

So, I started thinking about this after happening upon this thread: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=100423

How fickle would you say you are when it comes to attraction? 


As an FFA and generally unabashedly pervy person, I can easily find myself quite attracted to some innocent passerby. But if I happen to meet that person and find I don't like their personality? Attraction killed. 

Now if there's someone who I find both physically and mentally attractive, my sex drive is pretty much inexhaustible. But similarly, even if this attraction has held up long term, if some major personality flaw pops up, I'm pretty much in the land of asexuality. 

And if I'm attracted personality wise, but not physically? I've found I can manage that for a period, but shallowness catches up to me in the long run. 

Interestingly, this doesn't seem to apply to women. Physically, I'm attracted to a much larger range of women. While I still need the great personality to make them crush-worthy, I can be sexually attracted no matter what. This seems drastically different from the physical recoil I experience towards any guy who's lacking in the personality department.

So yeah. Thoughts? Personal experiences? Random discouraging jeers?


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## Azrael (Apr 21, 2013)

It's always been kinda confusing for me.

There are some people (very rare) who I am instantly attracted to but I have this tendency of ignoring them due to nervousness and various other mental discrepancies (I argue with myself over certain hangups) I don't usually see them as very important in my overall life and I see them as just kind of there in the way to stress me out.

Then there are those who I accidentally fall for. For the longest time I will see an individual as nothing more than a friend and will be perfectly fine with them for a very long time (many years). After a while I may accidentally trip over myself and realize that I kinda want to be more than friends with this person.

As far as from what I can tell, in these cases I can be attracted to some but not all of them. Some I'll only feel a sexual attraction to if they do something to me (so an automatic response to something) whereas others I will feel absolutely nothing of the sorts and I'll only have an emotional connection, there is no sexual attraction at all.

As you can probably tell, I generally value the emotional connection over instantaneous attraction and my ideal is to have an automatic response while obviously liking someone for who they are.

I honestly don't know exactly how bad it would be if I dated someone long term who I had no sexual attraction to but I think it would probably end up failing which is why I don't focus on that.

Hopefully that came out properly.


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## loopytheone (Apr 22, 2013)

Hmm, this is an interesting topic for me, being asexual.

When I am attracted to a person there is no sexual side to it for me (with one exception I'll come to in a second). So I am attracted solely to the personality. And yes, if I turn out to be wrong in my judgement of their personality it can kill off the attraction for me. I can find just about anybody pretty or handsome though if they have a good personality. 

Now, on to that exception. When I first met my bf I was very highly appreciative of his appearance physically and whilst that isn't exactly the same as sexual attraction for you guys it comes in something very close. It took me some time to come to value his personality and his sweetness, which is the first time I have ever been attracted to a person physically whilst knowing little about them personality wise.


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## Tad (Apr 22, 2013)

Hmm, for the most part Id say Im not that fickle, but then again.
1)	I never really spent much time in active dating mode, I was pretty solidly single and not seriously looking, then within a month of really making an effort to meet more women I started the one who Im still with, 22+ years later. So except with my wife Ive never really had to evaluate what I think of a potential partner in a serious sort of way, so perhaps I just enjoy a superficial attraction sometimes that might have faded if I ever had to consider getting serious with the person?
2)	Sometimes I make personality assumptions upon first meeting someone, that later turn out not to be true, and that can totally change whether I find them attractive or not.
3)	There are some people Ive been attracted to based on personality, but also repelled based on other aspects of personality, so on them I can see-saw back and forth depending on how much of each side I experience.

So if I was actually in the dating pool, perhaps Id find myself far more fickle than Id expect.


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## ecogeek (Apr 23, 2013)

I find a wide range of things to be attractive, so in most people I can see beauty, it is really a matter of personality from there.

That being said, I have had one or two partners that I REALLY loved the personality of but they had qualities that I could not look past. It was quite difficult but when there is something on a pet peeve list that won't go away, it is hard to overcome.


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## reuben6380 (Apr 24, 2013)

Everyone is particular on what they like and that's not a bad thing. Guys are especially criticized for this, but the first place we look is still the face, subconsciously analyzing symmetry and proportion. Millions of years of evolution have led us to seek out certain physical traits and chemical signatures and who am i to argue with that, lol. What i always found funny was being strangely interested in someone who is so far outside of what you would normally be attracted to and you just not being able to put your finger on what it is about them! The pheromones must be awful strong with that one.


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## PeanutButterfly (Apr 24, 2013)

Although I'm an FFA I tend to be more fickle when it comes to big guys. When it comes to "normal" sized guys I have a wider range of attraction. When it comes to big guys I look for a very specific body shape. I like a lot of belly, a wide back, big meaty arms and of course a handsome face. I also think that normal size guys tend to have the personality traits that I'm most attracted to, like confidence, sociability, and snarky, witty sense of humor. If a guy is articulate and can tell a story that manages to shut me up for once, that's a rarity and an instant attraction. If he's around 250 with a nice spare tire I die. I'm sure there are plenty of big guys who have these attributes, I just don't stumble upon them as much as the normal sized ones. I also really like when guys dress well and that can be tricky for bigger guys, just like it is for bigger girls given the fashion industry. But when I do see a big guy who fits all my fickleness it tends to be a much more raw, intense and instinctual kind of attractiveness than the general level of attraction I have for thin guys. Like a "I just want to rip your clothes off without knowing your last name" kind of attraction.


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## mbruback (Apr 24, 2013)

I'm 34 and spent most of my life dealing with being made fun of for either being chubby when I was younger or for looking at the so called fat girls by my jock team mates throughout college and professionally.

The reality is we are all unique and different and have to connect with someone on a deeper level if we want a lasting relationship, ie: similar interests and/or similar belief systems. Life sure would be boring if we were all the same!

Because I was made fun of I grew to better understand how larger women felt and connected with them on a more emotional level. Most of these women were very open minded and knew how to share their feelings. They had "jumped" so to speak and had years of expereience dealing with snide remarks about their weight.

A few of these girls wanted to date me but deep down I was attracted to their boldness and willingness to be who they wanted to be than who they really were. A lot of people have said it and it's so true that looks will only get you so far but you have to connect on a deeper more psychological and emotional level for a long term relationship.

Love the idea of my woman gaining and my woman helping me gain. Was really chubby when I was 12 and loved the way I felt all soft and jiggly. Would love to gain weight but as a slender man I didn't want to narrow the playing field since most BBW's seem to like guys who are skinny and/or muscular. Have come to the conclusion most ladies just want to be accepted for who they are or who they have become.

This leads me to where I'm at today... finally dating an amazing women for who she is AND SHE LOVES SWEETS! She use to dance and is super flexible which is a big turn on. The sex is amazing and she is very selfless in her love and attention towards me. She is perfect but deep down I'm really wanting her to gain weight and get fat. I keep make little comments about eating more sweets but I don't want to push her away. Don't even think I can tell her about my interest in having her feed me until she becomes confident with gaining weight. 

One thought is I could tell her about my interest in gaining a lot of weight and see what she says... but I don't want for her to think the worst and run. I'm a FA and I'm pretty sure she likes me the way I am. What should I say or do?

Any recommendations?


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