# Thin girlfriend...



## Sasumaru (Apr 20, 2008)

About a year ago I met and befriended a girl, who, for simplicity's and privacy's sake I'll call "L"... We really clicked, and I'd had a crush on her ever since I met her... Anyway, a little over a month ago, I finally got the courage to ask her to be my girlfriend (we already went out a lot, although we never called them "dates"), she said yes, and we've both, no exaggerations, never been happier. She's like, the greatest girl I've ever met...

I like big girls, I admit, or I wouldn't be here. The bigger, the better, with girls, in my eyes. It's sexy, and it just plain looks healthier too. I kept it my secret, but a few weeks ago, I told L all about it... I half-expected her to freak out, but she really didn't care... The thing is, though, she's skinny. Not rail-thin, but definitely skinny, just a teensy (literally, hardly anything) bit of a belly and that's it.

A really special occasion for us is coming up in a few months, and L said she was gonna try to lose weight to look as good as she could for me when it came... I told her again about how I prefer bigger girls, but she said she didn't really want to be chubby, and, although she didn't say it, she already has low self-esteem as-is and probably, I think, was afraid of what others would think or how they would react, since when she became vegetarian (she feels sorry for the animals) lots of people who she once thought to be her friends left her, and fears that happening again... I'm always complimenting her, trying to raise that self-esteem of hers, but it doesn't seem to help...

Anyway, I was able to convince her not to try to lose weight for me, but is there any way to convince her to gain? She's beautiful, and attractive in just about every way but her weight, although, (no pun intended) that's a pretty big thing missing.... She's too caught up in what the media thinks is pretty, and considering I'm in the minority in this case (the majority of people think fat people are ugly, unfortunately), I don't think she even cares or notices since I'm constantly complimenting her anyway how big a deal this is.... I'd never leave her over it, but it's still a rather important issue to me...


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## AnnMarie (Apr 21, 2008)

If she's not even happy in the small body she has now, you're not going to be able to convince her that bigger will be better. She needs to work on her self-esteem from in INSIDE OUT and then she can make whatever decisions regarding her body that she wants. 

I'm really glad you like her, and I'm sure she's just young and needs to grow into her own self-worth in a lot of ways... but if you desire to be with a bigger girl, then you need to go and find a bigger girl who is fine with herself, not attempt to move a girl who is clearly a fragile person onto a path that is not a natural choice of hers. Or, you need to stay with your great girl now and be happy with her body, and make her love it for what it is... not what she hopes it will be someday, or what you hope it will be someday. 

If you want to continue to work on the evils of buying the media hype, that's always a good plan.... more people should embrace that and remove that expectation of "perfection" from their lives... but moving her towards something that makes you happy, with clear knowledge that's not what she wants? Not a good-guy move. Period.


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## toni (Apr 21, 2008)

It must not be that important if you are dating a skinny chick. If you want a girl to gain for you, you should probably stop dating someone thin, who wants to be thinner.


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## LoveBHMS (Apr 21, 2008)

sorry...I was going to comment but did not get past the idea that she lost friends for being a vegetarian.


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## KHayes666 (Apr 21, 2008)

Sasumaru said:


> About a year ago I met and befriended a girl, who, for simplicity's and privacy's sake I'll call "L"... We really clicked, and I'd had a crush on her ever since I met her... Anyway, a little over a month ago, I finally got the courage to ask her to be my girlfriend (we already went out a lot, although we never called them "dates"), she said yes, and we've both, no exaggerations, never been happier. She's like, the greatest girl I've ever met...
> 
> I like big girls, I admit, or I wouldn't be here. The bigger, the better, with girls, in my eyes. It's sexy, and it just plain looks healthier too. I kept it my secret, but a few weeks ago, I told L all about it... I half-expected her to freak out, but she really didn't care... The thing is, though, she's skinny. Not rail-thin, but definitely skinny, just a teensy (literally, hardly anything) bit of a belly and that's it.
> 
> ...



A girl like that is a lost cause. Just accept her as she is, protest if she wants to diet and for gods sake man don't tell her to gain weight lol


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## BothGunsBlazing (Apr 21, 2008)

well, technically all you need if she protests is this.







rope obviously.






stick of butter, though just one clearly won't do.

and last but most importantly.






works every time.


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## Mini (Apr 21, 2008)

Get her pregnant. A couple kids will put the weight on anyone.

Bonus: She might marry you out of some misguided sense of obligation, and once she's tethered she'll no longer have any incentive to look good for anyone but you.


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## SocialbFly (Apr 22, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> well, technically all you need if she protests is this.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



sterile water wont help ya BGB...lol.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Apr 22, 2008)

SocialbFly said:


> sterile water wont help ya BGB...lol.



You replace the sterile water with butter!

 I couldn't quite find a proper butter IV photo.


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## Waxwing (Apr 22, 2008)

First off: BGB and Mini, stop making me laugh. I feel sick.

Secondly: This comes up A LOT, and it's always agreed that the most you can do is let her know that you find her larger body gorgeous. You can't make her want to be fat if she doesn't want to, but you can let her know that thin isn't the only way to be hot.


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## liz (di-va) (Apr 22, 2008)

Please take this with a grain of salt, but you sound young. Nobody over a certain age posts _I hope my thin girlfriend--the one I really love--gets fat cause I really like fatties_ posts. Because...at a certain point FAs--people--realize:

- You can't make her realize she's beautiful. This is sad but life.

- You can't make her fat. That is just life.

- You can, however, contribute to disordered feelings about food and bad body image, so DON'T. Not good, for whatever reason, whatever direction. Dont push.

- FAs in general don't stop liking fat girls. This isn't gonna go away. You will probably be hangin around Dims lookin at pics forever. And the cool thing is there is a whole world of complicated, fucked-up, gorgeous, charming--nay, a whole smorgasbord--of fat women out there to date and mess you up if you want (but at least you'll be more attracted to them).

You'll have to decide for yourself how to handle this, but just remember you're not doing her any favors hanging around if you're not really attracted to her.

If you really like fat girls...if it's *really okay* to like fat girls...then like one. Don't sandbag yourself or other people. You have more of a choice in all this than you think. Take your own preferences and desires seriously. I know you love your girlfriend, but how much do you want to be one of the guys who posts on Dims five years from now, five years further into a situation where you aren't happy? You won't get much sympathy then, among the other reasons not to be that guy.

And if you can't deal with any of this...don't take it out on the fat girls whose pleasures you are missing. It is *your* choice. 

So...anyhow. What Ann Marie said.


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## Bafta1 (Apr 22, 2008)

liz (di-va) said:


> Please take this with a grain of salt, but you sound young. Nobody over a certain age posts _I hope my thin girlfriend--the one I really love--gets fat cause I really like fatties_ posts. Because...at a certain point FAs--people--realize:
> 
> - You can't make her realize she's beautiful. This is sad but life.
> 
> ...



Perfectly said.

A relationship without physical attraction is a friendship. You can love a friend. You can feel deeply for a friend. You can mistake feelings of love in this sense with feelings of wanting to be with the person whom those feelings are directed towards.

A friend of mine who was gay, one day decided that he'd found religion and wasn't gay anymore. He's now looking for a wife. If you say that you're solely attracted to big women then - by staying with this person - you're no better than this friend of mine. Because what you carry on will lead not only to your own unhappiness, but to hers also.

Human relationships are the most complicated thing on earth. We mistake friendship for love and love for friendship on a quotidian basis. Like AM said, you sound young and, before going further, maybe it's time to get to know yourself first.


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## Fascinita (Apr 22, 2008)

Sasumaru said:


> since when she became vegetarian (she feels sorry for the animals) lots of people who she once thought to be her friends left her, and fears that happening again...



So, like, she started eating more fruits and veggies and her friends stopped talking to her?

I don't mean to be flip, but I have a hard time envisioning this in reality. I know lots of vegetarians, and no one had their friends break up with them because they didn't eat meat anymore.


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## Waxwing (Apr 22, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> So, like, she started eating more fruits and veggies and her friends stopped talking to her?
> 
> I don't mean to be flip, but I have a hard time envisioning this in reality. I know lots of vegetarians, and no one had their friends break up with them because they didn't eat meat anymore.



Agreed. This part of the story doesn't make any sense.


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## love dubh (Apr 22, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> So, like, she started eating more fruits and veggies and her friends stopped talking to her?
> 
> I don't mean to be flip, but I have a hard time envisioning this in reality. I know lots of vegetarians, and no one had their friends break up with them because they didn't eat meat anymore.



Unless her friends were in the meatpackers' union?


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## Waxwing (Apr 22, 2008)

love dubh said:


> Unless her friends were in the meatpackers' union?



Do me a favor and make this a dirty euphemism. To wit: unless her friends were "in the meatpackers' union."


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## Fascinita (Apr 22, 2008)

love dubh said:


> Unless her friends were in the meatpackers' union?



D'oh! Forgot about the meatpacker's union! :bow:


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## ESPN Cutie (Apr 23, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> If she's not even happy in the small body she has now, you're not going to be able to convince her that bigger will be better...


*Great Post!!!*


toni said:


> It must not be that important if you are dating a skinny chick. If you want a girl to gain for you, you should probably stop dating someone thin, who wants to be thinner.


*No offense, Toni, but I think the OP sounds young and confused, so why bash him for asking a question? If you were not trying to bash (which may be to strong a word) then sorry for my assumption.

I don't get this about Dims (maybe b/c I'm a FFA and not fat), but I see alot of people bashing the concerns/problems of those who are confused and need guidance/help. I am new to Dims and hesitate to start threads, ask questions, post b/c I've read many threads where people are bashed for being confused with their current life situation. Everyone needs help and advice every now and then. But that's JMHO.*


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## Mini (Apr 23, 2008)

ESPN Cutie said:


> I don't get this about Dims (maybe b/c I'm a FFA and not fat), but I see alot of people bashing the concerns/problems of those who are confused and need guidance/help. I am new to Dims and hesitate to start threads, ask questions, post b/c I've read many threads where people are bashed for being confused with their current life situation. Everyone needs help and advice every now and then. But that's JMHO.[/B]



See, the problem is that this question has been answered, literally, hundreds (possibly thousands) of times in different topics. The answer never changes. It's there if you look for it. 

His situation is not unique enough to warrant needing to ask it AGAIN. There's a goddamn search function for a goddamn reason.


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## TraciJo67 (Apr 23, 2008)

Mini said:


> See, the problem is that this question has been answered, literally, hundreds (possibly thousands) of times in different topics. The answer never changes. It's there if you look for it.
> 
> His situation is not unique enough to warrant needing to ask it AGAIN. There's a goddamn search function for a goddamn reason.



Well, I'm in this strange position of agreeing with you, Michael. 100%. A thousand, even. Only, the last time *I* said something like this, and darn near exactly *like* this, I was provided with a 2-week vacation for saying it.


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## Tad (Apr 23, 2008)

Mini said:


> See, the problem is that this question has been answered, literally, hundreds (possibly thousands) of times in different topics. The answer never changes. It's there if you look for it.
> 
> His situation is not unique enough to warrant needing to ask it AGAIN. There's a goddamn search function for a goddamn reason.



This is where I wonder if having a 'newbie board' for all these commonly asked things would help? Because I doubt even most regulars are all that familiar with the search function, and I'm positive that most people here do not always search to see if things have been talked about before they post. Expecting newbies to know better seems.....destined to frustration.

And to flip it around: the next time a BBW comes in and says she's always hated her body, how can she learn to love herself the way she is.....will you tell her "for chrissakes, this has been answered a hundred times already, search before you ask!"

Or for that matter, when you were a teenager and dealing with the usual angsty issues, I'm thinking it would not have been so helpful if people had told you "This has been dealt with millions of times! Go watch Breakfast Club or something"

In other words, yes, we hear it pretty much every week. But each person coming here is hitting this for the first time. No, I don't want to repeat the same things every week either. But I don't think treating the posters like crap is a good solution either. 

ETA: I'm thinking teachers and counselors must deal with the same issues year in and year out, and have ways to do so efficiently and effectively. I wonder if any of those could be adapted to web boards?


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## Waxwing (Apr 23, 2008)

Mini said:


> See, the problem is that this question has been answered, literally, hundreds (possibly thousands) of times in different topics. The answer never changes. It's there if you look for it.
> 
> His situation is not unique enough to warrant needing to ask it AGAIN. There's a goddamn search function for a goddamn reason.



Agreed. It's not that we just enjoy being assholes (well, actually I love being an asshole), but that after a while the same questions wear on people a little. The OP didn't know that and I'm not faulting him for it. I've done that kind of thing a million times.

We have a well-loved phrase here in the internet:

LURK MORE.


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## Mini (Apr 23, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Well, I'm in this strange position of agreeing with you, Michael. 100%. A thousand, even. Only, the last time *I* said something like this, and darn near exactly *like* this, I was provided with a 2-week vacation for saying it.



Well, the day's still young.


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## Waxwing (Apr 23, 2008)

edx said:


> And to flip it around: the next time a BBW comes in and says she's always hated her body, how can she learn to love herself the way she is.....will you tell her "for chrissakes, this has been answered a hundred times already, search before you ask!"
> 
> Or for that matter, when you were a teenager and dealing with the usual angsty issues, I'm thinking it would not have been so helpful if people had told you "This has been dealt with millions of times! Go watch Breakfast Club or something"
> 
> In other words, yes, we hear it pretty much every week. But each person coming here is hitting this for the first time. No, I don't want to repeat the same things every week either. But I don't think treating the posters like crap is a good solution either.



Edx, I love you to pieces, but what? We weren't treating anyone like crap. it's *common internet etiquette* to lurk for a long time on a board and get to know the mood of the place, as well as what's commonly asked. You read a few long threads, you get a sense for what's asked and answered, and *then* you post. You don't just jump in. 

If you read even a couple of PAGES into the weight board you'll see this question asked at least once. 

And if you'll notice, there were plenty of serious responses to the OP's question. In fact I gave one myself without resorting to more-entertaining bitchiness. 

If we truly scared that guy off then that's too bad, and I wish he would reappear and join in. But seriously, thicker skin and all that.


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## Tad (Apr 23, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Edx, I love you to pieces, but what? We weren't treating anyone like crap. it's *common internet etiquette* to lurk for a long time on a board and get to know the mood of the place, as well as what's commonly asked. You read a few long threads, you get a sense for what's asked and answered, and *then* you post. You don't just jump in.
> 
> If you read even a couple of PAGES into the weight board you'll see this question asked at least once.
> 
> ...



Fair enough, this thread was actually pretty civil. Some others have been a lot less patient, but this one was. I should have been at least as restrained as the rest of you--my apologies. :bow:

As for common internet etiquette--this is taught where?  

I grant you, when i go somewhere new I generally read before writing, trying to figure things out on my own rather than ask for help. But I also try to figure out my own way with a map rather than asking for directions, and that is not always considered a virtue, so I never really considered reticence in posting to web boards as a virtue either..... 

Maybe our difference in view here is generational? Probably most people my age have not posted to any web boards, so I don't think of web board etiquette as common knowledge. For the youngsters asking these questions, if you are telling me it should be common courtesy, I'll believe you.


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## Waxwing (Apr 23, 2008)

edx said:


> As for common internet etiquette--this is taught where?



School of hard knocks, man.  And that's a good question-- it's just something you sort of learn as you go. It can be weird for the new kid. I frequent a site where are you, without warning, banned outright if you ask a question that's been asked before. That's a little harsh for my taste.



> Maybe our difference in view here is generational? Probably most people my age have not posted to any web boards, so I don't think of web board etiquette as common knowledge. For the youngsters asking these questions, if you are telling me it should be common courtesy, I'll believe you.



This could very well be, though since I'm turning 33 next month and have been a little iffy about it, thanks for reminding me that I am still a youngster. Hee. Still, I've been using Teh Internets for....15 years so maybe I have sort of grown up with it.


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## KHayes666 (Apr 23, 2008)

Mini said:


> See, the problem is that this question has been answered, literally, hundreds (possibly thousands) of times in different topics. The answer never changes. It's there if you look for it.
> 
> His situation is not unique enough to warrant needing to ask it AGAIN. There's a goddamn search function for a goddamn reason.




There is a goddamn search function but maybe the goddamn kid didn't know about it and he voiced his goddamn opinion here because he needs help.

It is now 5 a clock in the goddamn afternoon so maybe I should goddamn sign off and grab some goddamn dinner.

Goddamn good day all


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## Waxwing (Apr 23, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> There is a goddamn search function but maybe the goddamn kid didn't know about it and he voiced his goddamn opinion here because he needs help.
> 
> It is now 5 a clock in the goddamn afternoon so maybe I should goddamn sign off and grab some goddamn dinner.
> 
> Goddamn good day all



Get me a goddamn beer while you're at it, goddamn it.


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## Placebo (Apr 23, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Agreed. It's not that we just enjoy being assholes (well, actually I love being an asshole)



"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Waxwing again"


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## BothGunsBlazing (Apr 23, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> There is a goddamn search function but maybe the goddamn kid didn't know about it and he voiced his goddamn opinion here because he needs help.
> 
> It is now 5 a clock in the goddamn afternoon so maybe I should goddamn sign off and grab some goddamn dinner.
> 
> Goddamn good day all



the Reflection of Perfection needs his own advice column thread to be certain!


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## KHayes666 (Apr 23, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> the Reflection of Perfection needs his own advice column thread to be certain!



My own advice column, what am I Aris now? giving advice to the masses.

if so then everyone should :bow:


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## ThikJerseyChik (Apr 23, 2008)

ESPN Cutie said:


> *Great Post!!!*
> 
> *No offense, Toni, but I think the OP sounds young and confused, so why bash him for asking a question? If you were not trying to bash (which may be to strong a word) then sorry for my assumption.
> 
> I don't get this about Dims (maybe b/c I'm a FFA and not fat), but I see alot of people bashing the concerns/problems of those who are confused and need guidance/help. I am new to Dims and hesitate to start threads, ask questions, post b/c I've read many threads where people are bashed for being confused with their current life situation. Everyone needs help and advice every now and then. But that's JMHO.*



I feel EXACTLY the same way...let me take this one step further...when I have posted something in response to someone else's post....I have been '*mocked' several times. By that I mean my response was poked fun at, not challenged or questioned...I have no issue with debates, or different opinions but to me it seems that there are some here who take great pleasure at trying to make people feel badly...for no good reason.....

Again, I thought this was a SIZE ACCEPTANCE board???


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## mossystate (Apr 23, 2008)

I do wonder how much ' looking around ' some actually do. I mean, if a person says they have been lurking, I would hope they are not just looking st the pretty pictures. If the person truly is just barreling in after finding this place during a search for something else and flings themselves on the first available new thread button, then, ok, I get the not searching around a bit. If they then get upset because the advice is not like a warm cup of cocoa from grandma, well, they too should be more understanding of the fact that some of us have seen a million of these exact threads. Like so many of the issues that are being brought up, here at Dims...understanding is never, or should never, be a one way street....IMNVHO.


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## liz (di-va) (Apr 23, 2008)

The thing I never quite get is that people will take the time to fight about this, but not the time to just...answer the question.

Yes, I agree, 99% of those who post noobily around here could use a huge dose of lurking more. I wish people would. 

But posts about self-esteem and posts about FAs coming out are the bread and butter of why this place exists, to my way of thinking, the chance it actually has to affect the world around us (I am aware I sound hopelessly idealistic...sigh). I don't always understand squandering them.

Except that of course, sometimes I do. Especially when it seems like the OP really doesn't wanna hear what people have to say/just wants to go around and around. But then I just avoid the threads.

You'll notice this dude didn't post again--which is always what happens! We always seem to end up arguing about...procedure.  (Like I'm doing now.) That wears me out much more than answering the same questions about size acceptance over and over.

I do wish you could send noobs through a size accepance car wash...have them seriously exposed to some crucial challenges to their thinking before they arrive and before they open their mouth. Would help. Maybe...some suggested reading.


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## Waxwing (Apr 23, 2008)

ThikJerseyChik said:


> I feel EXACTLY the same way...let me take this one step further...when I have posted something in response to someone else's post....I have been '*mocked' several times. By that I mean my response was poked fun at, not challenged or questioned...I have no issue with debates, or different opinions but to me it seems that there are some here who take great pleasure at trying to make people feel badly...for no good reason.....
> 
> Again, I thought this was a SIZE ACCEPTANCE board???



If you genuinely feel that you as a person have been mocked, then that's awful.

But in this case that was by no means what was happening. Nobody attacked the OP; people were just expressing frustration at the frequency of similar threads. We're allowed to do that, and it's not because we delight in hurting feelings (Again, at no point was the OP personally attacked.) but because you don't just leap into a community or conversation without understanding what it's like. If you do, you'll get poked, in a gentle teasing way. And that's how we learn. 

Yes, it's a size acceptance board. I fail to see how that translates to a "whatever you say no matter how many times it's been asked is fine and dandy" board. 

I feel for the OP, because I have made posts like that so many times only to be told "uh, we talked about that 5 minutes ago". But a part of being on a message board is rolling with the punches. You say "oh shit I had no idea it was so frequently asked. I'll look around more". 

I'll say it again: there were serious responses before the silly ones. Nobody did anything wrong.


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## toni (Apr 23, 2008)

ESPN Cutie said:


> *Great Post!!!*
> 
> *No offense, Toni, but I think the OP sounds young and confused, so why bash him for asking a question? If you were not trying to bash (which may be to strong a word) then sorry for my assumption.
> 
> I don't get this about Dims (maybe b/c I'm a FFA and not fat), but I see alot of people bashing the concerns/problems of those who are confused and need guidance/help. I am new to Dims and hesitate to start threads, ask questions, post b/c I've read many threads where people are bashed for being confused with their current life situation. Everyone needs help and advice every now and then. But that's JMHO.*



I don't care how many times it has been posted, my answer will remain the same. I am not bashing him, I am stating my opinion. I have seen too many fat chicks get hurt because a "fa" wants to date/marry his skinny chick in everyday life and then have his fat chick on the side. It's happened to me and it's happened to a lot of friends of mine. :doh:I am sure, almost every fat girl can tell a tale. I have no sympathy for them. If you are not physically attracted to your mate. THEN LEAVE THEM. Why is that so hard? What happens to people who are not physically attracted to their S/O? They cheat on them, are unhappy or leave them for someone else. It causes pain across the board, FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED. I have no mercy for the person who inflicts it. Maybe my little dose of reality now, will save the heart ache later. 

Oh and I love the excuse, well the OP sounds young. BS! They all sound young and they all have the same story. Maybe its the same poster? Maybe he likes to see the clusterfuck he creates when he posts this type of BS. I don't know. However, it irks me to no end.

I can see your side, hugs and advice might work. I guess, I am just not the Kymbaya type of person. :blush:


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 23, 2008)

Ok, why do men tell women what they really like, when the woman that they are with is not that and then make a statement about their esteem? 



Sasumaru said:


> she already has low self-esteem as-is and probably, I... I'm always complimenting her, trying to raise that self-esteem of hers, but it doesn't seem to help...


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## Waxwing (Apr 23, 2008)

bigsexy920 said:


> Ok, why do men tell women what they really like, when the woman that they are with is not that and then make a statement about their esteem?



In other words: Be with the woman that makes you hot. Otherwise don't waste her time.

Hear, hear.


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## Mini (Apr 23, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> In other words: Be with the woman that makes you hot. Otherwise don't waste her time.
> 
> Hear, hear.



OK, but women: Don't try to change men. Housework bores us, we enjoy seeing other men attempt to kill each other in unarmed combat, and farting is only rude if you don't assign points and keep score.


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## love dubh (Apr 23, 2008)

bigsexy920 said:


> Ok, why do men tell women what they really like, when the woman that they are with is not that and then make a statement about their esteem?



If she doesn't want to gain, she's BRAINWASHED! zomg it's like soooooooooooo obvious.


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## love dubh (Apr 23, 2008)

Mini said:


> OK, but women: Don't try to change men. Housework bores us, we enjoy seeing other men attempt to kill each other in unarmed combat, and farting is only rude if you don't assign points and keep score.



Women don't find dusting oh-so-titillating, either. It's a necessary evil in modern society, and both dwellers in the house should share the tasks.


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## Mini (Apr 23, 2008)

love dubh said:


> Women don't find dusting oh-so-titillating, either. It's a necessary evil in modern society, and both dwellers in the house should share the tasks.



I dust my room once a month. I can live quite happily with this.

My mom does it (it being the rest of the house; I'm not that goddamned lazy ) multiple times a week. Frankly, I cannot be bothered to do it that often. It ain't that much of an evil, y'know?

I'm all for sharing housework, but don't create it just so you can bitch about how you're overworked.


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## love dubh (Apr 23, 2008)

Mini said:


> I dust my room once a month. I can live quite happily with this.
> 
> My mom does it (it being the rest of the house; I'm not that goddamned lazy ) multiple times a week. Frankly, I cannot be bothered to do it that often. It ain't that much of an evil, y'know?
> 
> I'm all for sharing housework, but don't create it just so you can bitch about how you're overworked.



About dusting, yea. Who dusts? Not me. I would put my cat on the coffee table and let her collect it.


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## Mini (Apr 23, 2008)

love dubh said:


> About dusting, yea. Who dusts? Not me. I would put my cat on the coffee table and let her collect it.



I'm a fan of the "large coffee table book and snazzy flower arrangement" method of minimizing the area in which dust can potentially gather.


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## Littleghost (Apr 24, 2008)

edx said:


> This is where I wonder if having a 'newbie board' for all these commonly asked things would help? Because I doubt even most regulars are all that familiar with the search function, and I'm positive that most people here do not always search to see if things have been talked about before they post. Expecting newbies to know better seems.....destined to frustration.
> 
> And to flip it around: the next time a BBW comes in and says she's always hated her body, how can she learn to love herself the way she is.....will you tell her "for chrissakes, this has been answered a hundred times already, search before you ask!"
> 
> ...



We're old and bitter, just throw hard candy at us.


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 24, 2008)

I always knew deep down inside I was a man - and this statement makes it clear that I am 



Mini said:


> OK, but women: Don't try to change men. Housework bores us, we enjoy seeing other men attempt to kill each other in unarmed combat, and farting is only rude if you don't assign points and keep score.


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## NancyGirl74 (Apr 24, 2008)

Amen to everything that Toni said! Paise the Lord and pass the common sense!

Young schmoung. Everyone has to be 18 to post here. If you're young that's fine but once you reach that golden age "adulthood" be prepared to have the other over 18 year-olds of the world express their opinions right back atcha if you express yours in a public forum. Empathy, sympathy are all swell but a dose of reality will do the OP and those "life-sucks-cuz-I-_*CHOSE*_-to-date-a-skinny-girl-when-I-really-like-fat-girls"dudes like him some good. Especially if they are still young.


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## Sasumaru (Apr 24, 2008)

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be such a bother... I admit, I didn't really lurk around the boards or anything to that effect... To be honest, I had heard about these forums and how they're geared toward fat acceptance, and thought this was maybe the one place on the internet I could get some answers. If I had known there'd be such an uproar over it, I would've saved you all the trouble...

I perhaps misworded a bit in my previous post. I made my girlfriend sound fragile, when she's really quite tough. I may have exaggerated a bit, if I made her sound weak. Her previous "friends" weren't _really_ her friends, the ones who left her, and to be honest, I don't understand how exactly that works either, leaving someone for turning vegetarian... That's how she explained it, though, and I really didn't know her ex-friends all that well, so I just went along with it.

I also may have misworded a bit about the two of us. She's not like a stick, she does have a little bit of a belly. Not much, but it's there. However, she's still under the impression that what weight is bad, and would much rather lose than gain.

I have no intention of making her gain weight against her will, or trying to impose my will on her. I'm not generally that kind of person. I'm in love with her, and would never do anything to hurt her. What I was asking, more or less, is simply if any of you know perhaps how to help her be more confident about what she has on her; if she were, then gaining more might not be all that much of a problem, right?

Again, I'm sorry for any inconveniences...:bow:


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## KHayes666 (Apr 24, 2008)

I'm disgusted......seriously.

I really want to rant right now after the last page in the half of posts I've seen but in all respect to the ops, I won't. Aris help us all.....


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## lipmixgirl (Apr 24, 2008)

ok, the TRP rang, and i answered...

1. as we all know - no one should ever seek to change their partner/friend/spouse/etc

2. yes, the dimmers on the inside - those resident veteran posters - you know who you are - can be a bit - um, how shall i say.... abrasive and obnoxious to the noobs...

3. i am all for a NOOB thread... 

4. sasumaru, my one word of caution is that you are not involved with your girlfriend "in spite of her weight"... that can make for bad juju...


the big apple has spoken...
::exeunt:: :bow:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 24, 2008)

mossystate said:


> I do wonder how much ' looking around ' some actually do. I mean, if a person says they have been lurking, I would hope they are not just looking st the pretty pictures. If the person truly is just barreling in after finding this place during a search for something else and flings themselves on the first available new thread button, then, ok, I get the not searching around a bit. If they then get upset because the advice is not like a warm cup of cocoa from grandma, well, they too should be more understanding of the fact that some of us have seen a million of these exact threads. Like so many of the issues that are being brought up, here at Dims...*understanding is never, or should never, be a one way street.*...IMNVHO.




Ain't that the effing truth? :doh: :bow:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 24, 2008)

bigsexy920 said:


> Ok, why do men tell women what they really like, when the woman that they are with is not that and then make a statement about their esteem?




Lol....very good question indeed, Berna


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## toni (Apr 24, 2008)

lipmixgirl said:


> 2. yes, the dimmers on the inside - those resident veteran posters - you know who you are - can be a bit - um, how shall i say.... abrasive and obnoxious to the noobs...



Ummmm, yeah. Are you serious?


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## TraciJo67 (Apr 24, 2008)

toni said:


> Ummmm, yeah. Are you serious?



I'm always as sweet as pie. Like Mini, only older, and female, and not as funny, and ... well, ok. Not like Mini at all


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## mossystate (Apr 24, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I'm always as sweet as pie.



Do chokecherries make good pie?




your avatar..please explain?


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## TraciJo67 (Apr 24, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Do chokecherries make good pie?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Well, Mossybling, I just wanted to show off my loverly french manicure. That is all


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## NancyGirl74 (Apr 24, 2008)

Obnoxious would have been to call the OP an ass-wipe for dating a thin girl when he knows he likes big girls and leaving it at that. Telling him that these things are or will be hurtful to those involved including himself might be harsh but quite frankly it's telling it like it is. Call it tough love but obnoxious? I don't think so.

To Sasumaru, 
Firstly, welcome to Dims. Yes, we are about size/fat acceptance. That being said...hearing that a guy who likes fat girls is dating a thin girl doesn't really speak to _us_ of acceptance on _your_ part. However, I think you have come to the right place. As I stated above...you might have been given some tough love but I hope you can see where we are coming from. 

My advice...don't try or even expect to change your girl. Either love her as is or do both of you a favor and move on. Simple, straight forward, and to the point....and I know easier said than done. I wish you luck. Again, Welcome to Dims.


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## love dubh (Apr 24, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Do chokecherries make good pie?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Oh, she's just showing the universal sign of....affection. Yes, that's it. Right, TJ?


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## Fascinita (Apr 25, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I'm always as sweet as pie. Like Mini, only older, and female, and not as funny, and ... well, ok. Not like Mini at all



Well, I love your new avatar  It actually made me stop and try to figure out what it meant. "Read between the lines." lol


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## Jon Blaze (Apr 25, 2008)

lipmixgirl said:


> ok, the TRP rang, and i answered...
> 
> 1. as we all know - no one should ever seek to change their partner/friend/spouse/etc
> 
> ...



Agreed on all points except for two. It depends on the n00bs statements. Sasumaru seems good though. If he wasn't, I will proceed to break that ass open. I'll make 'em bleed!

Just Kidding at the end. lol


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## Jon Blaze (Apr 25, 2008)

love dubh said:


> If she doesn't want to gain, she's BRAINWASHED! zomg it's like soooooooooooo obvious.



Damnit! Too much rep in 24 hours! *Headdesk* *Headdesk* *MAS headdesk*


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## mergirl (Apr 25, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> sorry...I was going to comment but did not get past the idea that she lost friends for being a vegetarian.


thats EXACTLY what i was thinking!!?? no wonder she has insecurity issues.. its not like she became a racist!? 
with friends like that who needs pork chops!
xmer


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## mergirl (Apr 25, 2008)

hmm though i should say..all meat joking aside.. that its really not fair on your girlfriend if your not sexually attracted to her..
i think if i found out someone who was dating me thought i was "amazing" but didnt fancy me i would feel somehow used in a way.. or not as attractive or at least my confidence would be really rocked..
i think when you start saying.."someone would be perfect if..."
then its not ment to be..
you just cant change people..
try putting yourself in her position.. how would you feel if she wanted you to change yourself for her before she could ever be truly satisfied...
well good luck with this...xxmer


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## KHayes666 (Apr 25, 2008)

mergirl said:


> hmm though i should say..all meat joking aside.. that its really not fair on your girlfriend if your not sexually attracted to her..
> i think if i found out someone who was dating me thought i was "amazing" but didnt fancy me i would feel somehow used in a way.. or not as attractive or at least my confidence would be really rocked..
> i think when you start saying.."someone would be perfect if..."
> then its not ment to be..
> ...



This is a brilliant post. This is what people should be saying to the kid, a well thought out response. Well done


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## mergirl (Apr 25, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> This is a brilliant post. This is what people should be saying to the kid, a well thought out response. Well done


well thankum kindly sir.. though i always talk from the heart cept when i'm talking from the arse..
peace xmer


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## toni (Apr 25, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> This is a brilliant post. This is what people should be saying to the kid, a well thought out response. Well done



thanks for letting US know what WE should be saying


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## mergirl (Apr 25, 2008)

toni said:


> thanks for letting US know what WE should be saying


erm..well i wasnt really speaking on behalf of the whole DIM community..i was just adding my oppinion to what others were saying. which i thought were all valid points. and it was lovely to hear someone agree with me..(as it always is) What do YOU think? 
xmer


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## toni (Apr 25, 2008)

mergirl said:


> erm..well i wasnt really speaking on behalf of the whole DIM community..i was just adding my oppinion to what others were saying. which i thought were all valid points. and it was lovely to hear someone agree with me..(as it always is) What do YOU think?
> xmer



Sorry, I wasn't rolling my eyes at you.  LMAO

I think your post was brilliant. :bow:


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## mergirl (Apr 25, 2008)

toni said:


> Sorry, I wasn't rolling my eyes at you.  LMAO
> 
> I think your post was brilliant. :bow:


och. snugglers 2 you.. i wasnt being a dick .. i just wanted to say that (as it says before documantaries or in the people who talk to the dead shows) that my views dont represent those of others and are for entertainment purposes only! lmao..
but then.. yes.. i must admit.. i AM brilliant!! haha
xxmer


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## toni (Apr 25, 2008)

I know you weren't trying to be a dick. And I really wasn't rolling my eyes at you. I really did like your post. :blink:


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## RedVelvet (Apr 25, 2008)

Mini said:


> See, the problem is that this question has been answered, literally, hundreds (possibly thousands) of times in different topics. The answer never changes. It's there if you look for it.
> 
> His situation is not unique enough to warrant needing to ask it AGAIN. There's a goddamn search function for a goddamn reason.





TraciJo67 said:


> Well, I'm in this strange position of agreeing with you, Michael. 100%. A thousand, even. Only, the last time *I* said something like this, and darn near exactly *like* this, I was provided with a 2-week vacation for saying it.




Um....can I back that up with a big fuck yeah? On BOTH counts?


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## mergirl (Apr 25, 2008)

toni said:


> I know you weren't trying to be a dick. And I really wasn't rolling my eyes at you. I really did like your post. :blink:


but.. like.. now one of your eyes is bigger than the other!! lmao..
and they are not even rolling..its like one big staring eye and another tiny wee staring eye!
i need to learn more about smilies!! lmao..
xxmer


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## RedVelvet (Apr 25, 2008)

liz (di-va) said:


> The thing I never quite get is that people will take the time to fight about this, but not the time to just...answer the question.
> 
> Yes, I agree, 99% of those who post noobily around here could use a huge dose of lurking more. I wish people would.
> 
> ...




You make a good point, of course...but the answers to stuff like this aren't simple, really...I mean....there is the nice standard answer people far more patient and kinder than I have been willing to type out for the umpteenth time....but really...its just so damn easy..... to say ...."Hi noob....try a search...and sorry if I don't feel much empathy for your "oh my girlie is too thin" problem"......rather than go into the subtle and myriad expression, psychology,issues....etc...this kind of stuff brings up..for the HUNDREDTH time...

And....and....aw hell...why am I saying this to you? You know this....

We all know this...

and I agree with your post, totally...natch.


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## Curious Jane (Apr 29, 2008)

i'm a newbie and will probably rehash stuff that's been said...but i figure the thread's already been started right? the damage has been done...

anyway i'm kinda on the other side of this situation...i'm not a thin girlfriend, more average-sized i guess--and my boyfriend wants me to gain.

he totally admits he has selfish motives (he's a feeder) but claims he has a noble one too: he thinks if i quit dieting (i have to diet constantly to maintain my weight) and ate all i wanted i'd be happier.

i didn't even think that was possible, and then he showed me this site and others like it. i have to admit i was appalled at first but somehow i keep coming back...

anyway, i don't really have a "thing" for fat but i must admit i'm sick of struggling with my weight. i'd love to be able to eat more and am actually starting to think about doing it. i realize there's no way to guarantee that i'd like it but do you think it's likely? have you heard of anyone like me actually gaining on purpose just because they like to eat and their bf wants them bigger?


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## KHayes666 (Apr 30, 2008)

Curious Jane said:


> i'm a newbie and will probably rehash stuff that's been said...but i figure the thread's already been started right? the damage has been done...
> 
> anyway i'm kinda on the other side of this situation...i'm not a thin girlfriend, more average-sized i guess--and my boyfriend wants me to gain.
> 
> ...



Lots of people gain on purpose, whether they do it for fun or from the encouragement of a partner. You're not alone in that area

My only concern is, is this what YOU want to do. A lot of times there are as you said "selfish motives" but if you're ok with doing what he wants, I just hope in the end you'll enjoy it yourself


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 30, 2008)

Curious Jane said:


> i'm a newbie and will probably rehash stuff that's been said...but i figure the thread's already been started right? the damage has been done...
> 
> anyway i'm kinda on the other side of this situation...i'm not a thin girlfriend, more average-sized i guess--and my boyfriend wants me to gain.
> 
> ...



I've heard of it Jane. Be sure that it is what YOU want. Would you be happy 15 punds heavier than you are now? A lot of women love it at first. Who wouldn't love all you can eat of the foods you love most and a guy who worships the ground you walk on through the whole thing? The thing is, you are the one who is going to have to walk the walk. You are the one who has to shop for clothes, look yourself in the mirror, heft yourself up the stairs with the groceries. You have to live with it. Many times women like yourself love it at first but then a few months down the road they pass by a mirror and find they hate what they look like and want to go back. Mind you, some people like me DO like it but many don't. Only you can know for sure how you feel.


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## Curious Jane (Apr 30, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Many times women like yourself love it at first but then a few months down the road they pass by a mirror and find they hate what they look like and want to go back.



yeah that's what i'm afraid of! i have no doubt i'll like the eating part, but the rest of it i just don't know


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## Curious Jane (Apr 30, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> My only concern is, is this what YOU want to do.



yeah, that's what i'm trying to figure out! i wouldn't do it just to please him...in fact even my bf says i shouldn't. but he really thinks i'll be happier if i quit dieting

i just wish there was a way to figure it out


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## LisaInNC (Apr 30, 2008)

lipmixgirl said:


> ok, the TRP rang, and i answered...
> 
> 1. as we all know - no one should ever seek to change their partner/friend/spouse/etc
> 
> ...



You used the word "juju" I KNEW we were heterosexual soulmates.
I LOVE YOU!


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## exile in thighville (May 1, 2008)

Curious Jane said:


> i'm a newbie and will probably rehash stuff that's been said...but i figure the thread's already been started right? the damage has been done...
> 
> anyway i'm kinda on the other side of this situation...i'm not a thin girlfriend, more average-sized i guess--and my boyfriend wants me to gain.
> 
> ...



it boils down to not you having a "thing for fat" so much as if the happiness caused by eating and turning your boyfriend on by gaining was greater than the feelings of unhappiness (or uncertainty) caused by your body.


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## LillyBBBW (May 1, 2008)

Curious Jane said:


> yeah that's what i'm afraid of! i have no doubt i'll like the eating part, but the rest of it i just don't know



Jane I would suggest taking a look at the paysite board for a while. There are ladies there in all shapes and sizes, some you'll like and some you wont. You may look and think, "Y'know, this *is* kinda sexay!" Or you'll think, "She looks fat in that top." If you can look at a pudgy girl on there and feel you could be happy being her for a day maybe it's worth a try. Your boyfriened sounds pretty supportive. I think if later on you changed your mind and wanted to go back he'll suffer a twinge of panic at the very thought. He'll have an inner anxiety flare up that is mostly kneejerk. Our minds are pretty fcukced up that way. I promise he'll be ok though.


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## Tad (May 1, 2008)

Curious Jane said:


> i
> anyway, i don't really have a "thing" for fat but i must admit i'm sick of struggling with my weight. i'd love to be able to eat more and am actually starting to think about doing it. i realize there's no way to guarantee that i'd like it but do you think it's likely? *have you heard of anyone like me actually gaining on purpose just because they like to eat and their bf wants them bigger?*



In response to your question (which I bolded in the quote): yes, my wife. More on that in a PM.


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## Curious Jane (May 6, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Jane I would suggest taking a look at the paysite board for a while. There are ladies there in all shapes and sizes, some you'll like and some you wont.



that's true...it's odd though, when i first saw this site i thought practically all the women were way too big, but now i think many of them look just fine!

anyone else have that experience?


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## LillyBBBW (May 6, 2008)

Curious Jane said:


> that's true...it's odd though, when i first saw this site i thought practically all the women were way too big, but now i think many of them look just fine!
> 
> anyone else have that experience?



In the beginning I was embarassed. I saw the poses and thought, "OMG, LOOK at all her stuff hanging out! I can't believe they can put themselves on display like that, what do their families think?" I was embarassed because I wasn't used to it or used to seeing it.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 6, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> In the beginning I was embarassed. I saw the poses and thought, "OMG, LOOK at all her stuff hanging out! I can't believe they can put themselves on display like that, what do their families think?" I was embarassed because I wasn't used to it or used to seeing it.



It was the same for me.....now when I watch the skinny actresses in movies, I am always hit at how too damn skinny most of them are. We are conditioned by movies/TV/magazines to think of ultra thin as "beautiful" or "special". Dims seems to serve as the media's negator.


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## _broshe_ (May 6, 2008)

you know, it is threads like these that leave my head scratching. 

I personally find 99.99% of the time, a full fugured, big bottomed girl, will really turns me on. but you know what, my current girlfriend would be concidered downright anorexic on these boards (not sure, but 5 "5" and probably 105 at the most, if not less, and basiclly, flat as a board) I find her very attractive, mostly because of one thing.

I can have a halfway decent conversation with her, and she has a solid head on her shoulders. Find me an articulate and smart person every time, because I'm not spending my life with an idiot who can't carry a semi-important conversation


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## Paquito (May 6, 2008)

While I think its - erm...sweet? - that you don't want to break up with her because you are in love, lets face it: physical attraction, as much as we all like to say that it isn't important, is a key factor in a successful relationship. Otherwise you're pretty much two friends who occasionally bump uglies. Either you're not a "pure" FA or you are "putting up" with her body because of love. Unfortunately, that is not going to lead to a conduscive relationship. One of two things will happen: either you will become disgusted with her body and belittle her about it every chance you get (which is VERY BAD and not good for her low self esteem) or it'll turn into one of those revenge weight gain stories, involving numerous restrainging devices and vast quantities of fattening foods (check the library, its an omen). Now do some soul searching quickly and report back young noob, lest Johnny proceed to break that ass open.

Oh, and welcome to Dims!


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## _broshe_ (May 6, 2008)

yeah yeah...

no, on a side note, while I have FA tendencies, I can appreciate her from a diffrent perspective, and I do find her attractive. It's one of those, "I typically go for 'x' but i am also attracted to 'Y'" 

yeah it's compicated.


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## losinlisa2001 (May 7, 2008)

As FAs and Feeders we have to realize that low self-esteem isn't the only reason our partners sometimes want to lose weight. A man is not a woman's be-all end-all when it comes to her sense of self-image, and her body is still her body. 

My own girlfriend is somewhat petite, and she put it thoughtfully, I think - "If I could and wanted to spend the rest of my life doing nothing but staying inside with you and having sex, then I'd be glad to gain weight for you. As it is, I have my own life, and I have the me that I want to present to other people who won't appreciate a larger body as much." 

The question is, can you make things work sexually while she still aims for the body that she wants to have? (Remember - women don't just lose weight to make their men happy, they lose weight because it makes them feel good, or to feel competitive with other women, or because they like being compact, or whatever other reason they have.) Is she willing to get creative in the bedroom to perhaps simulate fatness or accentuate existing curves, are you both able to carry on a bedroom fantasy, and are you able to get off on that, is she able to accept your preference? If not - well, then, as someone said above, it's a friendship.

I think as FAs/Feeders we need to get over the idea that women want to lose weight simply because they're insecure about their sexual attractiveness to us.


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