# Looking at yourself in the mirror...



## jc123 (Mar 22, 2009)

I'm very curious as to how BHM's feel about themselves. I can completely understand a guy with a fetish for larger women, and likewise for FFA's towards larger men. I just don't understand if that fetish spills over into a sense of self-confidence.

Its one thing to see a bigger girl, or a bigger guy, and be sexually attracted to him/her, as you can't control whatever turns you on. However, can those same BHM's just because they are fortunate enough to mesh with a unique FFA (I wonder what % of girls actually care for BHM's, but I'd imagine it isn't too high)
be able to turn the fact that he turns on his partner into a confidence/pride in his body?

Before I go any further, I'd like to say that I'm fat. (I originally wrote BHM, but I feel like having that as your main abbreviation is kind of wrong, because thats complimenting myself calling me handsome, when calling me handsome would be a stretch.) I let myself get extremely fat more because of my laziness/apathetic views of life. I was extremely depressed, and decided that perhaps my feelings towards life were due to a chemical inbalance due to my obesity. I started dieting and exercising routinely and lost 80 pounds and was approaching a normal weight.

Several people say that going to the gym and being active, rather than sitting on your ass watching tv, eating takeout, and on your computer all day releases certain endorphins in the brain to make you not depressed. Needless to say, the "new", quite skinnier, me, was still just as depressed.

I couldn't take any self-worth in the new me. Looking in the mirror and seeing a much more fit person didn't make me feel any different than the old me. My good-looking, in shape friends, like to go to the gym, tan, get in shape, stare in mirror and "feel good about themselves." However, are they really feeling good about themselves? Does a self-worth exist beyond the fact that they know they are more attractive to the opposite sex (or the vast majority of the opposite sex as you guys wouldn't find them too attractive.) Society/darwinism definitely says "in shape, fit is good, and fat/out of shape is bad." There are some movements/changes, but at the end of the day society will always view the fat/unattractive as lesser people. Seth Rogen can become a sort of sex symbol, but the fat, ugly, kid who gets picked last in gym class will still be ostracized, tortured, and hate life, and while that is juvenile...it still won't change from the kindgergarden playgrounds, to the "real world", no matter how many DIMS movements/equality goes on, the human race will go on like that till it dies off.

I know, when a girl told me she was a FFA, my initial reactions were something like... 1. she's lying to make me feel better/more comfortable 2. she's fucking with me for her own personal enjoyment 3. she's full of shit, wtf?! wow, I must be really fucked up right now. It definitely didn't result in confidence/comfortableness, but moreso super awkwardness, and don't think I could ever take pride in something that taboo. (I guess its not taboo on these message boards, though.) I don't know... I couldn't relish in the fact that a good-looking girl was a FFA and thats why she was attracted to me. Its too much like a freakshow/too awkward....although I'm sure some of you have completely different views/experiences. Did any of you guys ever conquer that initial awkwardness in your head from feeling weirdly accepted all of a sudden? 

People always joke about "letting go" after getting into a relationship/marriage, etc, because whats the point? If you have someone that cares about you/consistent sex... why would one torture themselves to maintain a certain physique?

Now, the internet/Dimensions message boards have created a very weird social dynamic in that EVERYONE in the world is connected now. Even with dimensions message boards, can a 450 pound male really look at himself in the mirror and say, "damn i look good! I'd fuck me!" and feel good about himself and self-confident? While there might be some girl that has a fetish of being crushed by him or rubbing his stomach, does that translate into acceptance/self-confidence? Does it matter if he was lucky enough to find a FFA? Surely, your sexual preferences, if the BHM also was into big girls, don't also affect how you view yourself, because society should mold how one should view oneself. 

I probably come off as a hater, but I assure you I am not. I've always said that there is no such thing as self-worth in one's body, and didn't care at all about society. Now, most people don't agree with me there.... but I still believe the only reason people are slaves to the gym/diets is because the majority of people are deathly afraid of being alone/not fitting in. Being fat is a choice. Every person takes into consideration the pros and cons of dieting/exercise vs. the social/physical effects of your weight, and every person makes that choice on their life.

Anyways, I've rambled a whole lot. I'm sure I must have made a coherent statement or two, I'm sure some people here can chime in/tell me just how completely wrong/right I am in my thoughts. Good night.


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## fatterisbetter (Mar 22, 2009)

The short answer to your initial question is that I feel good about what I see in the mirror. I don't think I am the hottest guy who ever walked the earth but I like fat on women and I like it on men. It's hard to say why but I think it has something to do with looking massive. Being fat is just who I am and I am ok with myself. I think that's at the bottom of it. Not so much a certain size or weight but being ok with who you are.


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## chicken legs (Mar 22, 2009)

Wow that was a lot for a first post...welcome to the boards.

To comment on your statements..my weight has been in constant flux because of health, activities (or lack thereof), and mood. 

However, my attraction to big folks is my appreciation for all things large and in charge. It doesn't matter if its big fat or big muscular or a mixture of both. If they are sexy they are sexy. Plus some people just have a big appetite for food and life and that is such a turn on.

I myself have peaked at a weight of 218 and due to health reasons and a change of activites I have started to lose weight (indoor skydiving has a max weight of 160 and i am totally feeling the need to free fall among other things).

To me health is always more important than any fetish i am into.


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## Bellyjeansgirl (Mar 22, 2009)

Speaking of confidence or "feeling sexy" when you look in the mirror is all subjective. For example, I'm a bi FFA. If I had a choice between a curvy girl and a stick, I'd think the heavier girl was by far sexier. 

However, I like that kind of attention to be on my partner and not myself. I can say "Hey, I'm attractive to most people." It doesn't mean I find myself attractive. If I were dating me, I'd gain weight since that's my ideal of what a woman should look like. But I feel more comfortable being thinner for my clothes, my love of the outdoors, etc. Hope that actually makes sense to you.

As far as self-worth, it's definitely not based on physical looks - so if you have issues with that- look elsewhere. Go volunteer, do a favor for a friend, take up a new language or an instrument. Do something that you think is amazingly cool. Then you can say: Wow, I've done this. (and meanwhile you'll be so busy you won't have time to think about a lack of drive)

The journey to getting the end result and what you do with those results are what really matter. The end result itself is just a moment in time with no meaning unless there's a stage of struggle for it and a stage to enjoy it. So make sure whatever you choose to do is something you can daydream about completing and picture yourself *doing something else* with it. 

Remember, happiness is just having something to be enthusiastic about. The worst kind of depression is apathy. So go find something that makes you want to get up in the morning or someone that makes you want to stay in bed


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## JenFromOC (Mar 22, 2009)

Um, wow. That was a lot of info to take in but of course, I have to comment. When I was younger and I found myself attracted to the heavier boys, I didn't know what a BHM, BBW, FFA or anything was for that matter. His belly looked soft (and it was lol) but no where in my teenage thoughts did I think, "Hmmm I want him to squish me" or "Let's get some oil and rub that belly down." It was just a natural attraction. Even as I got older and started dating as an adult, I was just attracted to big men. They were big, I thought they were handsome, and that's who I dated. They weren't all in to weight or fat as a fetish, as a matter of fact, most of them were a little uncomfortable at first when they revealed their naked bodies to me.

Now, maybe I'm rambling, but the point is...I was attracted to them and in my world, they were king. I was with each and every one of them because I did think they were hot...and I told them so. Never, never did I say...I think you're hot because you're fat. I just simply told them they were the sexiest man in the world. That alone made their self-confidence strong and yes, at some point they did look in the mirror and say, "I'm sexy." I don't know, maybe that all went to shit when we broke up. LOL

Having a good self image will make the majority of people feel good about themselves even if they don't fit societal norms. Of course, that isn't the case for everyone...fat or thin. I'm sure I didn't answer your question one bit, but I do have one for you. If you "totally get" that women can be into larger men, why were you so skeptical when a woman was interested in you seemingly due to your size? I'm just wondering  And see my fellow FFA's? This is why it's so hard to hit on those sexy BHM hehe


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## MasterShake (Mar 22, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> ...indoor skydiving


Can has skydiving...indoors?!!  

To answer the OP, if you hate yourself in the mirror, and maybe obsess a bit over how much you hate yourself in the mirror, then I think you actually have accepted and "internalized" society's views (or at least what you believe to be society's views) about your size.

Been there, am doing that myself.

I have to say it's a downer that losing weight did not help your depression. I'm trying to kick myself into gear to finally start a regular workout routine, and thinking I'd feel better about myself has always been one of the carrots on a stick for doing so.

Also a bit unfortunate that you weren't able to appreciate an FFA's attraction to you. Lord knows that for someone shy like me, I wouldn't know what to do with a woman that open and forward about her attraction, so I can sympathize, yet a part of me is envious such a thing hasn't happened to me.

Only thing I'd like to comment on: you seem to want to question the motives and happiness of your gym-obsessed friends. I understand the temptation to do so, but just like blaming the world for its bigotries or FFAs for their FAILURE TO SEND ME HAWT PICTURES OF THEM WATCHING AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE WHILST READING METAL HAMMER MAGAZINE, ahem, I mean, for rarely making the first move, I fear all it does is feed the negative energies that corrupt our ability to enjoy life.

Maybe it'd be more productive to figure out why losing weight didn't make you happy? Do you have an "ideal" image or picture of yourself?

I don't have any answers, I'm afraid. I'm not a relativist, but unless there's a genuine meaning to you, nothing I condemn or support really matters in the end I think. Lord knows I have to constantly battle my own pessimism, cynicism and self-pity, so I can't pretend to know any better than you.

Sorry for my own ramblings. :doh:


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## djudex (Mar 22, 2009)

Well, I don't think I've ever looked in the mirror and thought "Damn! I'd fuck me!" but ...actually come to think of it I'm pretty sure I have done that.

For a long time I worried about how my weight affected people's perceptions of me, especially women. I got extremely anxious thinking that they would always be judging me for being a fatty, that kind of thing. I would get pissed off that I couldn't wear the style of clothes that I wanted to, I was angry at myself for being a fat bastard and angry at the world for judging me even if it was only in my own head that they were doing so.

I've come to the realisation that I'm simply never going to be a 'normal' human. Even if I lost a passel of pounds I'd still be closer to seven feet tall than six and most of those cool clothes I wanted to wear wouldn't fit anyway. Then I realised that what really mattered wasn't if the world liked me or if I could wear sweet shirts but whether or not I could be happy with me.

I could work out, eat a restricted diet and try to become slimmer but what would I be doing differently as a person? I'd still be a nerd, still read books and play video games, still dink around with computers... who I am wouldn't change. So, I try to eat healthy and keep myself moving but I don't worry about it anymore. I enjoy life as it comes and the vast majority of the time I'm a pretty contented fella.

I have my moments obviously, times where I think to myself that my life would be so much better if I was in really good shape and that I'm just a stupid fat slob but they pass pretty quickly and I'm back to loving being alive. I may be fat but I'm okay with that and happy with who I am and honestly, women react much more favourably to me now that I've accepted who I am and can enjoy myself than when I was fighting myself every moment of every day trying to be someone I wasn't.

If you like who you are then the rest falls in to place.


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## WillSpark (Mar 23, 2009)

I know for a fact that, specifically since joining this site, I have looked in the mirror and enjoyed the way I look. It has helped me in many ways, and I've even let go of what people think of me, because I put up with enough of that crap to last a lifetime, and now I'm better off than ever. Hell, I even played a make-out game two weekends ago. That's something that even a year ago I would have had zero inclination to do. It's all a matter of self worth, and I'm sure, in time, I'll find a signifigant other who loves me and my body, and then I won't be one of those horribly self-consious guys who can't even take off his shirt at a pool due to society's view, and can instead let go even further.

And come to think of it, I probably would fuck me...In fact I do occasionally (no girlfriend, remember?) 

Okay...maybe that was TMI. :doh:


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## escapist (Mar 23, 2009)

WOW man ok as guy *OVER 450* I gotta reply to this whole thing starting with:

"can a 450 pound male really look at himself in the mirror and say, "damn i look good! I'd fuck me!" and feel good about himself and self-confident?"

Uh Hell yeah I can! Ask any woman who knows me and even better the women who have been with me and they will be the first to tell you I not only dance and sing in front of the mirror I do it down the isles of the store while I'm out shopping. I get phone numbers in a grocery store just as easy as I get them in a club. Here's the thing, I don't see myself as fat or skinny, I see a guy who enjoys every little thing he's got cause when you loose everything even a tiny pebble that sparkles in the light is fantastic.

"I'm very curious as to how BHM's feel about themselves. I can completely understand a guy with a fetish for larger women, and likewise for FFA's towards larger men. I just don't understand if that fetish spills over into a sense of self-confidence."

YES, it can, but its meaningless if you have nothing without it. Chances are even a FFA will be turned off if you have nothing more than Fat to offer in a relationship. At the very least it will be a fleeting fling and might not even be a fun one for her if her partner was bringing it down by thoughts of self-doubt. How do I feel about myself? Huh? What do you mean? I ROCK!  :happyon't you know me  sure I have good days and bad days and going half mad days, but for the most part life is good why would I complain about the little moments it distracts from all the good ones.

"Its one thing to see a bigger girl, or a bigger guy, and be sexually attracted to him/her, as you can't control whatever turns you on."

- How many times can I say this, women can be attracted to a whole not more than Fat, personality will almost always win over any physical attraction. I like dating FFA's cause its FUN! I date plenty of non FFA's who don't even blink an eye that I'm over 450 lbs. Once I was with an attractive non-FFA Vegas stripper who simply told me, your not Fat your just Healthy! Oh yeah, Game ON! 

"However, can those same BHM's just because they are fortunate enough to mesh with a unique FFA (I wonder what % of girls actually care for BHM's, but I'd imagine it isn't too high) be able to turn the fact that he turns on his partner into a confidence/pride in his body?"

A Unique FFA? dude, I've can name far more than one that I mesh with so well its almost scary. I vibe and click with these wonderful women in ways I didn't even know was possible. The fact that they are FFA's is a bonus, the fact that they are great people in and of itself is the truly great thing. These women Rock, they sky dive, they live, they love, they enjoy so many great things, they are so passionate in romance relationships and caring of others I can't help but be drawn to people who just plain ROCK! The attraction they have for me as SSBHM doesn't add to my self-confidence or pride it ads to my my appreciation of them and how much fun we get to have enjoying their enjoyment of my _Bigness_ such as squishing sessions and other fun events :blush: ....if I'm with a woman who isn't an FFA we just do other fun things that's all.

You know what to go on and on about this would take me a long time....I'm gonna try to sum it up.

Dude, you can't find *SELF*-confidence from an external source. Until you learn to believe and care about yourself; what others think about you will never matter and when that day comes you will finally realize what people outside of you think about you doesn't matter anyways. Never internalize the negative, always reflect upon the positive and let the best parts of you shine. Some day you will see; You are not the some of the actions thoughts words and deeds of others. You are who you chose to be with each constructive choice you make in life that draws you closer to the person you want to be. When you find that....you will not be able to stop success from pouring into your life. :bow:


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## escapist (Mar 23, 2009)

WillSpark said:


> And come to think of it, I probably would fuck me...In fact I do occasionally (no girlfriend, remember?)
> 
> Okay...maybe that was TMI. :doh:



LOL YOU GO WILL! ahahahahah thats awesome! heheheh


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## likeitmatters (Mar 23, 2009)

when I was a reckless young adult of 20 something, I felt if somebody would not go out with me I figured they were either stupid or blind and would be upset if a man did not take notice of me and buy me a drink.

and now that I am 51 years old and still holding on to what I consider to be attract and not looking my age I feel that one should not have been so shallow and lowlife like I was in my youth but with time and knowledge and much wisdom and heartbreak my views have changed alot and quite happy with what I see in the mirror..


:bow:


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## Bellyjeansgirl (Mar 23, 2009)

WillSpark said:


> And come to think of it, I probably would fuck me...In fact I do occasionally (no girlfriend, remember?)
> 
> Okay...maybe that was TMI. :doh:



Just have to say: rofl


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## jdwhitak (Mar 23, 2009)

You know I've been big my whole life and I've never really had any feelings of self-loathing. I've thought about losing weight every now and then, but I know I wouldn't maintain it. The whole motivation behind it was the possibility of attracting the opposite sex anyways. Besides I look at me being fat as part of me. It's who I am. Do any of the other guys feel the same way? As far as finding myself sexy, I'll leave that for others to judge.


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## fat hiker (Mar 24, 2009)

WillSpark said:


> I know for a fact that, specifically since joining this site, I have looked in the mirror and enjoyed the way I look. It has helped me in many ways, and I've even let go of what people think of me, because I put up with enough of that crap to last a lifetime, and now I'm better off than ever. Hell, I even played a make-out game two weekends ago. That's something that even a year ago I would have had zero inclination to do. It's all a matter of self worth, and I'm sure, in time, I'll find a signifigant other who loves me and my body, and then I won't be one of those horribly self-consious guys who can't even take off his shirt at a pool due to society's view, and can instead let go even further.
> 
> And come to think of it, I probably would fuck me...In fact I do occasionally (no girlfriend, remember?)
> 
> Okay...maybe that was TMI. :doh:



LOL. 

It's amazing how liberating this place, and other places for BHMs and fat folk, can be, right Will? A great place to come and get rid of those shackles society keeps trying to place on the happiness and self-acceptance of big folk.

And it's amazing how a little self-confidence can attract other people, too, regardless of your size...


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## Melian (Mar 24, 2009)

jdwhitak said:


> You know I've been big my whole life and I've never really had any feelings of self-loathing. I've thought about losing weight every now and then, but I know I wouldn't maintain it. The whole motivation behind it was the possibility of attracting the opposite sex anyways. Besides I look at me being fat as part of me. It's who I am. Do any of the other guys feel the same way? As far as finding myself sexy, I'll leave that for others to judge.



I like your style :happy:


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## Paquito (Mar 24, 2009)

I might come off on the post as narcissitic, but try not to think that 

Do I feel confident and can I say I look sexy when I look in the mirror?
Hell to the yes!
I love my body for what it is, I'm fat and not afraid to admit it. I have a gut, man boobs, big thighs, and junk in the trunk, and I love every bit of it. I don't mind flaunting what I've got, stares be damned.
Yea, I've had moments where I've wanted to lose weight, but that was a long time ago, and the only reason I wanted to lose weight was only because of society's perceptions and the message that thin=beautiful.
However, when I looked deep down, I realized that being fat is a part of who I am, and that I like it. I'm not afraid of my body, and I love being able to say that.


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## MickeyFFA (Mar 25, 2009)

Well I'm not a BHM so I'm not sure how helpful my reply will be but...

As both an FFA and a chubby girl I kind of understand it from both sides. There are of course days when I want to loose weight and be "normal". Times when I want to be able to go to the beach and wear a bikini or not hide behind my skinny friends in all the pictures we take together. But then I think would those things really make me happy? Maybe at the shallow young age I am now, they'd offer a small sliver of satisfaction but in the long term I'm not going to give a rat's ass what I wore at the beach as long as I actually went.

Thats what life is all about: living (as many people have said before me). There are many big people out there who are confident in themselves and I'm sure not all of them have stumbled upon Dims. They accept their bodies and keep on trucking.

As far as your thoughts on weight loss go, I often wonder the same thing. Come on, evey big person who's had a rough day at one time or another has blamed in on their weight. It's just easier to say "if I was thin..." because it involves no self analysis. I mean granted, sometimes life would actually be easier if I was thinner, for some of the little things anyway. But when attracting the opposite sex? I don't I'd like it very much. I'd constantly feel like the guys I was with were only with me because I was thin. Or I'd think that they wouldn't be with me 40 pounds ago. That would make me much more insecure. It goes both ways.

The bottom line? Confidence can not be earned from other people, it's something that you have to find on your own.


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## OneWickedAngel (Mar 26, 2009)

WillSpark said:


> ...snip...
> 
> And come to think of it, I probably would fuck me...In fact I do occasionally (no girlfriend, remember?)
> 
> Okay...maybe that was TMI. :doh:



*hahaha*


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## Zandoz (Mar 26, 2009)

As far as I know only 4 mirrors of any size in the house. Only one of which I use...only out of necessity.


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## edino (Mar 27, 2009)

Interesting post. I’m 6”1 and weigh between 475 and 525lb (I do not know precisely my weight). When I look in the mirror I remember first the guy that was skinny 20 years ago, fit and sporty. Then I see that guy that is weighing 500lbs or so with skin all over the place and not so fit. Well, I have started to like the body of the fat guy, and have forgotten about diet. I have several experiences….. one friend of my cousin is a good looking girl the same age of me; a slim girl of about 5”1 that stayed with me for 2 months because she needed a roof. She could just not believe that I let my weight let out of control like I did. I explained that its complicated and that food intake is difficult to control, but also that I accept my weight… I remember she was looking to me in despair when I was going for the fridge for a snack or sit in front of the TV eating chips or so, and was almost panicking on one occasion when I reached the first floor of my house in “elevated breath” and had to wait talking… She is very nice; we still talk ( and she is concerned), and likes me as a person, but obviously she does not appreciate flab. But I had a similar experience later with a person that was absolutely fascinated and had a huge interest in me. Bottom line is that I feel great and I think I look very good; just very fat….. plenty of people like that……


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## chicken legs (Mar 27, 2009)

ummm..so ...what do you look like Edino


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## JenFromOC (Mar 27, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> ummm..so ...what do you look like Edino



Yes, I'm also wondering. I think we need some pics. Hurry. Thanks. :wubu:


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## dvbranton (Mar 27, 2009)

I myself am 5'11 425 pds. I have been big all my life and often wondered what it would be like to be "skinny" but as I get older and I am who I am. I have learned to take my fatness and turn it into a positive. I became a wrestler to "get fit and lose weight" but it never happened (my best was 350) I always had pics of myself and promoted myself but never really watched video of myself until recently and then I relised something. I am good at what I do. I Pay attention to the fans now. I play the bad guy and do it well. I also pride myself on being a big lite man meaning that you dont get hurt in the ring with me. But that is just my hobby. But as of late when I look into the mirror I dont mind it much as I use to.

Now I am a member of these forums I am just happy that there is a place for people like us to go to. I would love to meet a FFA just because I have never met one before. I mean I have never had a problem meeting women and dating women but it just seems like I work harder then the "skinny" guy LOL. 

But anyway some people are just meant to be fat just like that skinny dude who seems like he can down 5 or 6 plates of food at a buffet while I am lucky to get down 2 :eat1: . Everybody is built different some skinny some medium and others fat. Me? I am just a happy fatman


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## chicken legs (Mar 27, 2009)

Can i just say that i LOVE to hear a mans stats...:eat2: and have a thing for wrestlers.


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## dvbranton (Mar 28, 2009)

Thanks.......I appreciate that


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## StarScream! (Mar 28, 2009)

It differs to me based on mood. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think that I'm the hottest dude alive, other times I feel disgusting...lol...I guess most the time I don't think about it, but being that I deal with depression, I'd say more often than not, I feel I look like Poop!


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## edino (Mar 28, 2009)

A nice handsome dud that is 350lbs and growing


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## chicken legs (Mar 28, 2009)

Its ok..i havent officially posted anything either....There is one floating around with Escapist and I but i don't count that because I didn't post it...hehehe. I am in the middle of a lawsuite and camara shy after falling ill in 07. Anywho...who says you need work.


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## escapist (Mar 28, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> Can i just say that i LOVE to hear a mans stats...:eat2: and have a thing for wrestlers.



That explains a lot! I never told you but I wasn't allowed to wrestle in school I tried my best to lose wight but I only got down to 279 and they said I was to big to wrestle in high school. Thats one of the reasons I started doing Jujitsu later.



edino said:


> Chicken legs.... I have not posted a picture of me on the net. But I will think about it; perhaps in some time. I quite new on this forum, so hope you understand. I'm happy there is a place like this where people appreciate big folks; I still need to get used to that. I can at least describe my looks... I'm blond, blue eyes, and usually wear black or dark clothes. I'm not well proportioned; I got a relative slim face, thin arms and legs; actually most my weight is on my lower belly, around my breast and back; I’m very wide at my belly position. I was weighted in 2004 for a health check and at that time I was 460lbs; I think I may have gained a bit in the years and estimate myself between 475 and 525lbs. I think due to many up an downs in my weight over the past 18 years, my skin got very loose; and caused my belly overhang to increase. Since my belly and flesh hang low while standing; I look from the side far slimmer than I actually am. But… when I sit down; that sight changes dramatically; the only way to describe is that I bulge a lot. In any case, I have been told my face is good looking … but the rest needs work...



Heheheh ok your new to all this, and well since she is my girlfriend I'll just tell you...for some of the FFA's a belly overhang is not something to be "Worked on, but to be admired". So don't be afraid, it might be a bit of a shock at first but you will get used to it hehehe.  



StarScream! said:


> It differs to me based on mood. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think that I'm the hottest dude alive, other times I feel disgusting...lol...I guess most the time I don't think about it, but being that I deal with depression, I'd say more often than not, I feel I look like Poop!



From one Badass to another just remember to see your Inner Badass when you only see the outer-outer ick and it will still be the badass that others see in ya


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## chicken legs (Mar 28, 2009)

escapist said:


> That explains a lot! I never told you but I wasn't allowed to wrestle in school I tried my best to lose wight but I only got down to 279 and they said I was to big to wrestle in high school. Thats one of the reasons I started doing Jujitsu later.
> 
> 
> 
> ...






hrmmm...ok..i am feeling dehydrated now:eat2:


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## escapist (Mar 28, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> hrmmm...ok..i am feeling dehydrated now:eat2:



I would like to say I'm sorry but I'm not sure if I am lol. :blush: :smitten: :wubu:


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## OzGuy (Mar 28, 2009)

WillSpark said:


> And come to think of it, I probably would fuck me...



And if you do, would that be "incest" or "masturbation"???.


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## Hawkeyed (Mar 28, 2009)

Personally, I've always fought with my weight. When I was a child I was average size, but around kindergarden/first grade I started getting fat, and I've been that way ever since. I'm 22 now, and around 360. I was called fat for the longest time in school, and that really wrecked my self esteem for a while. Eventually I stopped caring and the insults stopped coming, but I think that's even worse. When people are looking at you a certain way, and thinking "wow, that guy's fat", it really messes with my head. I don't know for certain that's what they're thinking, of course, but I'm so self conscious that that's automatically what I think they're thinking.

I haven't had a real girlfriend since I was 17, and I don't have any luck talking to girls at all. I've never had any sort of self-worth or anything because of my size, and I struggle with that and trying to lose weight every day. So in short, no, I'm not happy with what I see in the mirror at all. I envy those who are, but I'm not that guy.


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## WillSpark (Mar 28, 2009)

OzGuy said:


> And if you do, would that be "incest" or "masturbation"???.



Well, if you want to literalize it I think it would be called "Homomasturbationcest"


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## Rolf (Mar 28, 2009)

My size and my feelings towards it have always been a mixed bag. I'm tall and broad to begin with. If I was Olympic quality muscle I'd still weigh around 200. 

The biggest issues with me is health issues and social pressures making it hard for me to find a date. I'm not a SSBHM, just 330, but even when I was 240 and swimming 20 hours a week I wasn't considered at an attractive weight. Stopping swimming just made my weight go up as I was in school. Combine that with long hours and fatty foods while working and there's not many lustful looks I've seen.

I'm also in a family with history of diseases associated with weight and a history of ignoring it until a horrible heart attack at 50 and death within 10 years after. I don't want to dig an early grave, yet I suffer from a deep hunger and am apathetic about exercise. 

Otoh, I know that despite my weight I've got my own charms and my mind is top notch. What I like about sites like this where I can find FFAs is I don't think I'm going to find a woman who wants to use me like I've been used in the past.


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## dvbranton (Mar 28, 2009)

Hawkeyed .......... A lot of people are idiots. Hate to say this but sometimes you just got to say fuck it they aint worth it or if they stare to long just ask them if they want a pic and you will autograph it....... The thing is if you are not happy with yourself then you need to do something about it. Unfortunately there is not a quick fix even through surgery. I have felt the way you have before too. I am sure most of us have been self conscious one time or another.

I also suffer from a deep hunger too. But that happens when I am depressed which happens a little more recently since I am going through a divorce but when I do get depressed I do have some good friends to help pull me out of the rut so it is always good to have some friends. By the way if anybody ever needs to talk hey feel free to message me. I will try to be on everyday. If you are an ffa then hey without a doubt essage me


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## howitzerbelly (Mar 31, 2009)

jc123 said:


> I'm very curious as to how BHM's feel about themselves. I can completely understand a guy with a fetish for larger women, and likewise for FFA's towards larger men. I just don't understand if that fetish spills over into a sense of self-confidence.
> 
> Its one thing to see a bigger girl, or a bigger guy, and be sexually attracted to him/her, as you can't control whatever turns you on. However, can those same BHM's just because they are fortunate enough to mesh with a unique FFA (I wonder what % of girls actually care for BHM's, but I'd imagine it isn't too high)
> be able to turn the fact that he turns on his partner into a confidence/pride in his body?
> ...



I gain weight over the last Three years. I use to be a Husky guy.. now i think i am way above husky.. I am very active and like to try and stay in shape. When i met my girlfriend, For the first time it was a coffee date. I was so nervous when i saw her. She was fit and extremely beautiful. I thought to myself there is no way she will find me attractive. Towards the end of the night i could see how she looked at me. I could see in her eye's that i was beautiful to her. I am very handsome fat or thick or husky.. i know this.. i have never at any weight not been able to find a suiter...but to be loved fully for a body i thought was unworthy of love. Has changed my perspective. I hope i can stay fat for her. But my love for weight lifting and jogging might some day change my appearance.
And here comes the irony... FFA's that are fit... there is a reason for it right??? Health, activity, and the ability to be active and play sports. I think the down side is for BHM's is we are so limited physically. A beautiful thin FFA has the upper hand. There are more fat guy's than there are FFA's. FFA's hold all the power of choice.... 
I just threw this out there because i am new at being a BHM... I have never felt more love in my life from my girlfriend who happens to be a ffa.


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## rabbitislove (Apr 3, 2009)

escapist said:


> Uh Hell yeah I can! Ask any woman who knows me and even better the women who have been with me and they will be the first to tell you I not only dance and sing in front of the mirror I do it down the isles of the store while I'm out shopping. I get phone numbers in a grocery store just as easy as I get them in a club.
> :



Why do I imagine you shopping to "Everyday Im hustlin'" by Rick Ross? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLDitGAUrno:D


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## MasterShake (Apr 3, 2009)

I think you're thinking of "Do the Hustle":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFz2WkVAk38


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## Bellyjeansgirl (Apr 4, 2009)

StarScream! said:


> It differs to me based on mood. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think that I'm the hottest dude alive, other times I feel disgusting...lol...I guess most the time I don't think about it, but being that I deal with depression, I'd say more often than not, I feel I look like Poop!



*looks in Starscreams mirror*

That must be some depression. You're the kind of guy that could be 200 lbs and still have that look about you that would make me stare. (and then I'd shake my head in defeat and wish you were bigger)


On a tangent: You know you're an FFA when 200 lbs is your idea of famished.


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## Fat Nat (Apr 4, 2009)

escapist said:


> Dude, you can't find *SELF*-confidence from an external source. Until you learn to believe and care about yourself; what others think about you will never matter and when that day comes you will finally realize what people outside of you think about you doesn't matter anyways. *Never internalize the negative, always reflect upon the positive and let the best parts of you shine.*



That is some good shit right there. What an inspiring post! I think the bit I bolded will have to become my new mantra.

Kudos for being so damn positive. =D


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## seasuperchub84 (Apr 4, 2009)

I really like what I see. When I was at my smallest, 180 (and im 5'6) I just didnt feel...like my body was there. I actually was depressed at how I felt and looked, and in fact, I felt extremely cold all the time. I knew something was not right.

I accidentally gained when I went a little bit crazy due to all this and threatened to kill myself (there were other factors, but the body image thing/cold tolerance thing was definitely an issue) and I spent an entire week in a hospital for treatment (which I am grateful for looking back). I was put on a medication and I was misdiagnosed at the time with bipolar d/o ( later on this would prove to be a false diagnosis via a Physicians Assistant and a Psychologist) and put on a medication called Zyprexa.

I dont know if you guys ever have heard of that, but Zyprexa can cause weight gain. I went from 180ish to about 230ish in the course of about 1 year.

the wierd thing is...I went off of Zyprexa due to having hallucinations (because I did not need the medication). After coming off of the medication, I began to notice that I like what I saw in the mirror. I felt CONFIDENT. I felt warm again. And most importantly, I felt that this was who I was supposed to be. However, I knew I wasnt quite there yet...so.....

About 6 months later I found out about gaining. And I began it. I went from 220 lbs to 370 lbs in the course of 4 years. Im still gaining as well. 

Every time I look in the mirror I smile. As I hold my giant swollen overhang in my hands, my huge chest and thighs staring back, I am happy with glee.

I am fat, and this is who I am. And even if I die from an obesity related illness, that is what will happen. I was born fat and will die fat :eat1:


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