# Dating



## fiddypence (Apr 11, 2010)

Ok this may be somewhat unfocused but I'll do my best. As a single FA/feeder I find it quite difficult to find women. I used to think the difficulty would be a feedee. Now I've come to realize that I can be happy leaving my fantasies as fantasies. My issue now is that I often find that larger girls often seem to have lower self esteem and especially don't like when someone makes a big deal (or even a small deal) about their size, even if its positive.
(I like to think that most of the women on this site don't have that problem, god bless you all).

Does anyone else find this?


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## musicman (Apr 11, 2010)

fiddypence said:


> My issue now is that I often find that larger girls often seem to have lower self esteem and especially don't like when someone makes a big deal (or even a small deal) about their size, even if its positive.




Yes, low self-esteem is a widespread problem (not only in fat women, and not only in women). But unless you are a trained psychologist, there is not much you can do to correct it in another person. Since you seem to be able to recognize it, you are way ahead of the game. Use what you've learned in real life and on these boards to steer clear of it, and find the more confident women out there. As you know from this website, they DO exist. Good luck.

(My first wife had very low self-esteem, which I didn't understand at the time. It was a heart-wrenching experience, trying but continually failing to help her feel better about herself. The only consolation was that I learned what to avoid, and I later found a truly confident woman who is now my wife.)


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## bmann0413 (Apr 11, 2010)

Well, I'd offer some advice, mostly because I've never really dated anyone. -__-


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## Nutty (Apr 12, 2010)

Same here (High-Fives Bmann).


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## fiddypence (Apr 12, 2010)

It's true that everyone has some degree of insecurity. It's very frustrating when you really like someone for something that they hate about themselves.

I just want people to come on here and say that it did work for them eventually.


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## Nutty (Apr 12, 2010)

fiddypence said:


> It's true that everyone has some degree of insecurity. It's very frustrating when you really like someone for something that they hate about themselves.
> 
> I just want people to come on here and say that it did work for them eventually.



You don't need to worry about that fiddy! There are countless success stories on dimension forums! Though it may be hard to find some now, there are many success stories on dating in these archives.


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## LoveBHMS (Apr 12, 2010)

This is a very common discussion on this board, and honestly you can find as many opinions and experiences as you can posters.

On one hand the conventional wisdom is that self esteem has to come from within, and this is true to a large degree. You can't make somebody like herself and if she doesn't like being fat you probably can't change her mind. A lot of FA want to think our attraction is somehow transformative, as in once she sees how you feel about her body she'll begin feeling the same way. Usually that is not the case.

However, it's undeniable that positive reinforcement can, and does have a positive affect on it's object. A woman constantly being shown and told how hot she is may very well start feeling hot, at least around you. This won't always be the case, and she will have to at least be open to it, but there have been many posts on here about this happening.

Self esteem is not black and white and never 100%. No woman of any size feels good about herself all the time. Case in point, it's possible to feel sexy around an FA and know that she's exciting to him while still possibly feeling self conscious or uncomfortable in other situations. That does not mean lacking self confidence but merely self confidence being potentially dynamic.

Two important things to remember. One is that you should never feels as if you can, or should, change somebody's feelings about herself. Don't become frustrated over why a girl can't just magically change her way of thinking simply because you say so. Her feelings about herself are more important that yours. Second is that the fat body belongs to her---she carries it with her wherever she goes and if it causes her any problems with mental or physical health or mobility, she may want or need to change it. That is her business and not yours.


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## Jon Blaze (Apr 12, 2010)

LoveBHMS said:


> This is a very common discussion on this board, and honestly you can find as many opinions and experiences as you can posters.
> 
> On one hand the conventional wisdom is that self esteem has to come from within, and this is true to a large degree. You can't make somebody like herself and if she doesn't like being fat you probably can't change her mind. A lot of FA want to think our attraction is somehow transformative, as in once she sees how you feel about her body she'll begin feeling the same way. Usually that is not the case.
> 
> ...



Very prudent post.


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## indy500tchr (Apr 12, 2010)

fiddypence said:


> My issue now is that I often find that larger girls often seem to have lower self esteem and especially don't like when *someone makes a big deal *(or even a small deal) *about their size*, even if its positive.
> (I like to think that most of the women on this site don't have that problem, god bless you all).
> 
> Does anyone else find this?



Well I feel like I have very high self esteem and I enjoy the fact that there are guys out there that think that at my size I am attractive. However what I have bolded should not be your "jumping off point" when trying to get to know a girl. This has been a big turn off for me. Guys don't want to get to know my person. They just focus on the fat.

If you are really and truly serious about dating a girl. Get to know them as a person. You don't have to fawn over their fatness. You are already showing interest in her by talking and getting to know her...you don't have to reminder her WHY you approached her in the first place. I'm not saying don't tell her she's sexy or beautiful but keep it to that unless she likes being told "your big fat belly really turns me on"


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## spiritangel (Apr 12, 2010)

From an SSBBW's perspective, I havent actually ended up in relationships based on my size so havent had the whole compliments on my jiggles and curves thing much in the past, and whilst my self esteem has at times taken a battering I like who I am and where I am at/going in my life and admittedly it will take time but I am getting used to getting compliments on my curves and jiggly bits, I think if it is something a woman isnt used to it can be a little disconcerting to say the least, it isnt necessarily bad just that some woman are not used to being thought of as Sexy or having their curves appreciated, and sometimes it just takes a little time to get used to seeing yourself in a new way through someone elses eyes. Especially when often people around us fill our heads with the your not good enough nonsense due to size ect. I think a little patience and understanding goes a long long way here guys. I am learning to accept compliments again and have to say it is nice to see myself through peoples eyes who do truly appreciate all the cuddly curvacious goodness that is me. But at times it still makes me a little self conscious as well, I know this will change in time

Just my 2 cents worth

hugs


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## Nutty (Apr 12, 2010)

spiritangel said:


> From an SSBBW's perspective, I havent actually ended up in relationships based on my size so havent had the whole compliments on my jiggles and curves thing much in the past, and whilst my self esteem has at times taken a battering I like who I am and where I am at/going in my life and admittedly it will take time but I am getting used to getting compliments on my curves and jiggly bits, I think if it is something a woman isnt used to it can be a little disconcerting to say the least, it isnt necessarily bad just that some woman are not used to being thought of as Sexy or having their curves appreciated, and sometimes it just takes a little time to get used to seeing yourself in a new way through someone elses eyes. Especially when often people around us fill our heads with the your not good enough nonsense due to size ect. I think a little patience and understanding goes a long long way here guys. I am learning to accept compliments again and have to say it is nice to see myself through peoples eyes who do truly appreciate all the cuddly curvacious goodness that is me. But at times it still makes me a little self conscious as well, I know this will change in time
> 
> Just my 2 cents worth
> 
> hugs



Well spirit I hope you make a smooth transition and can finally see the beauty everyone else sees in you on this site.


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## LoveBHMS (Apr 13, 2010)

indy500tchr said:


> Well I feel like I have very high self esteem and I enjoy the fact that there are guys out there that think that at my size I am attractive. However what I have bolded should not be your "jumping off point" when trying to get to know a girl. This has been a big turn off for me. Guys don't want to get to know my person. They just focus on the fat.
> 
> If you are really and truly serious about dating a girl. Get to know them as a person. You don't have to fawn over their fatness. You are already showing interest in her by talking and getting to know her...you don't have to reminder her WHY you approached her in the first place. I'm not saying don't tell her she's sexy or beautiful but keep it to that unless she likes being told "your big fat belly really turns me on"



I've seen this type of complaint a lot on here and i just want to say something from an (F)FFA perspective. i think it's perfectly normal to verbalize what's turning you on. It's not necessarily about disrespect or objectification, but when you're with a fatty there are certain particular things that are going to be arousing whether that's their size in general, a specific fat body part or shape, or something about how their size is hightlighted. I work with a fat guy at my part time job, and it is a turnon for me when he's behind the bar and his belly knocks into the well bottles or i see him eating. We're not dating and obviously it would be super unprofessional and rude to just off the cuff say "Hey you know when you're at the computer it's so hot how your belly rests on the countertop" but yeah, it is a turnon. And that doesn't negate anything about him as an individual at all--like if we were dating and he asked what i liked about him i could tell him--but i don't think it's any different from exclaiming over somebody's six pack abs, huge breasts, long hair, or any other physical attribute.


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## AnnMarie (Apr 13, 2010)

I'm comfortable, and enjoy, hearing about both sides - what is hot and sexy about me, and that includes specifics of my body, not just "your eyes are beautiful" type things - and also about me as a person. If you dig something about me, then I want to know - physical or otherwise. 

I know other women like me, so I know there are many of us who are perfectly comfortable having their fat brought up as part of a larger picture of interactions. In fact, honestly, I think I'd be sort of put off a bit if there wasn't some outward observance/enjoyment of my body that way. It's just how I work I guess.


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## spiritangel (Apr 13, 2010)

Nutty said:


> Well spirit I hope you make a smooth transition and can finally see the beauty everyone else sees in you on this site.



Hugs and thank you, I do see the beauty in me just not used to people saying it about more than my eyes and smile but as I said it is just new to me so will take a little getting used to


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## LovelyLiz (Apr 13, 2010)

LoveBHMS said:


> I've seen this type of complaint a lot on here and i just want to say something from an (F)FFA perspective. *i think it's perfectly normal to verbalize what's turning you on.* It's not necessarily about disrespect or objectification, but when you're with a fatty there are certain particular things that are going to be arousing whether that's their size in general, a specific fat body part or shape, or something about how their size is hightlighted. I work with a fat guy at my part time job, and it is a turnon for me when he's behind the bar and his belly knocks into the well bottles or i see him eating. We're not dating and obviously it would be super unprofessional and rude to just off the cuff say "Hey you know when you're at the computer it's so hot how your belly rests on the countertop" but yeah, it is a turnon. And that doesn't negate anything about him as an individual at all--*like if we were dating *and he asked what i liked about him i could tell him--but *i don't think it's any different from exclaiming over somebody's six pack abs, huge breasts, long hair, or any other physical attribute.*



Right, I think the key is at the end of your post. If you are _dating _someone already, of course it's appropriate to share about what you like about each other, what turns you on, etc. But just saying "i think it's perfectly normal to verbalize what's turning you on" gives too much leeway. Obviously it's NOT perfectly normal to go up to everyone you see and comment on their body and what turns you on about it. That's the thing that happens after you start dating, not before; and if women are feeling awkward when the OP mentions it to them, maybe it's insecurity - and maybe the level of connection just isn't ready for that kind of expression yet.


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## LoveBHMS (Apr 13, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Right, I think the key is at the end of your post. If you are _dating _someone already, of course it's appropriate to share about what you like about each other, what turns you on, etc. But just saying "i think it's perfectly normal to verbalize what's turning you on" gives too much leeway. Obviously it's NOT perfectly normal to go up to everyone you see and comment on their body and what turns you on about it. That's the thing that happens after you start dating, not before; and if women are feeling awkward when the OP mentions it to them, maybe it's insecurity - and maybe the level of connection just isn't ready for that kind of expression yet.



Well most of this is just common sense. I'm assuming the OP is referring to speaking to somebody in an intimate situation, not going up to random fat women on the street and saying how much he loves their bodies.


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## LovelyLiz (Apr 13, 2010)

LoveBHMS said:


> Well most of this is just common sense. I'm assuming the OP is referring to speaking to somebody in an intimate situation, not going up to random fat women on the street and saying how much he loves their bodies.



I'm hoping that's the case too...but sometimes a little extra clarity doesn't hurt.


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 13, 2010)

I'm going to reitterate what some have already said here. Many people feel compelled to go in to TMI territory too soon when it comes to people we may find attractive. It's okay to tell someone that they're sexy, beautiful, etc. When you continue the conversation with, ".. because...," then it gets creepy no matter what it is. Long hair, big boobs, bulging belly, short and petite - don't tell someone that's why you like them or find them sexy. In general it's a pervy way to go. 

I'm pretty easy going about such things in general now but when I was younger I was a quivering shy one. I've had both approaches happen to me and while one approach made me stand a few inches taller, another made me clutch my pearls in horror. Just tell her you think she's beautiful and don't volunteer anything more than that unless she ask you. Later in the relationship you can get to all the pervy stuff but in the beginning you have to keep the compliments above the neck unless it's about her hair. Don't tell her you like her 'cause she's blonde or some such thing.


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## fiddypence (Apr 14, 2010)

To all of you who pointed out that I shouldn't say these things early on, I agree. It's just like how you shouldn't necessarily tell someone that they have nice breasts when you're not that close, it's just pervy even if it is a compliment (it's also kind of objectifying).

I just mean that when you do actually get to the stage when you can express how you feel, it can be harder if you are an FA/FFA. At least this has been my experience.


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## lozonloz (Apr 14, 2010)

I think, as has been previously stated in this thread, that the key is that the girl themselves needs to find their own self confidence, and that can happen at different times in people's lives for different reasons. A girl eaten up with self loathing can 5 years later love everything about herself (living proof ).

Positive reinforcement can seed these changes or help them along but if someone truely and utterly doesnt believe that they're beautiful sometimes there's nothing you can do or say however hard you try. Just remember to try in the first place! Miracles can happen.


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 14, 2010)

fiddypence said:


> To all of you who pointed out that I shouldn't say these things early on, I agree. It's just like how you shouldn't necessarily tell someone that they have nice breasts when you're not that close, it's just pervy even if it is a compliment (it's also kind of objectifying).
> 
> I just mean that when you do actually get to the stage when you can express how you feel, it can be harder if you are an FA/FFA. At least this has been my experience.



It's the same in mine as well. I've dated big guys and even after knowing them for quite a while they may not take a shine to being complimented on being fat. Most that I've met don't really want to be fat. I would never characterize them as having low self esteem though. Most of them tend to be fairly in charge of themselves in most ways but don't like being constantly reminded about traits that they don't like about themselves. If you love big noses you wouldn't go on and on about your partner's honkin' schnoz for example. Not generally considered a sexy comment. You may luck out and find someone who's okay with it but more than likely you'll have to suffer in silence and just appreciate what you have.


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## fiddypence (Apr 15, 2010)

And you know what else, I can't really fault other people for thinking this way about themselves, because I would be exactly the same way I think. It's just a shame. :really sad: sorry to be so negative


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## spiritangel (Apr 15, 2010)

I actually think its been a really interesting topic to read, and to hear peoples opinions on so thanks for starting it


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## adolan55 (Apr 15, 2010)

Many posters have already provided excellent guidance on how to approach people as an FA, but I just wanted to add one thing to consider. Just being in a healthy relationship with someone boosts self-esteem for both people, so if you approach people you find attractive, and have a relationship with those that you connect with then, in my experience, most people you will end up in a relationship with will be much more willing to try and accept that you are genuinely attracted to them exactly the way they are regardless of their issues with self-esteem.


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## CastingPearls (Apr 19, 2010)

My self-esteem basically translates to everyone should worship me.

I refused to date anyone who wouldn't love every inch of me. That was and is non-negotiable. 

Spouse has always been an out FA. He's gotten a lot of crap for it and as passive as he is, he is unrepentantly a lover of fat women. I deeply respect that. His first wife had no self confidence and was so full of self-loathing it contaminated every single aspect of their marriage. It was over in less than a year, and that included counseling.


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## Nutty (Apr 19, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> My self-esteem basically translates to everyone should worship me.
> 
> I refused to date anyone who wouldn't love every inch of me. That was and is non-negotiable.
> 
> Spouse has always been an out FA. He's gotten a lot of crap for it and as passive as he is, he is unrepentantly a lover of fat women. I deeply respect that. His first wife had no self confidence and was so full of self-loathing it contaminated every single aspect of their marriage. It was over in less than a year, and that included counseling.



well I bet your spouse is a lucky man having someone as confident and proud of themselves as you


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## ray12k (Apr 19, 2010)

I think the problem might be that they think you only like them for their size.

If i meet a girl that has nice "bits" I dont comment on them. My advice would be to get to know them and make less sexual compliments hehe.


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## katherine22 (Apr 20, 2010)

fiddypence said:


> It's true that everyone has some degree of insecurity. It's very frustrating when you really like someone for something that they hate about themselves.
> 
> I just want people to come on here and say that it did work for them eventually.



Go to the BBW forum and experience truly confident fat women.


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## amygo (May 28, 2010)

From the perspective of a girl with low self esteem:

I've been fat my entire life. I've been trained by media and my environment, and my self image that I am not attractive, and no guy would ever be into me. I'm "pretty", outgoing, and have tons of fun with guys. But in the rare situations where I think a guy might be into me, I go in shock. I just want to run away and hide. I assume that most guys I meet aren't into me, and I can be my normal fun self, but if I get that vibe I instantly become super self conscious. There are several reasons for this, but a large part of it is that I just don't have experience in relating to men as a possible mate. There's also a trust issue going on, where I hate myself and I'm fat and ugly, so what kind of person are you to find me attractive without knowing anything about me. Also, in terms of dating, a fat girl (like me at least) with low self worth and thinks her body is disgusting has to build up some worth with other qualities. I coped with my issues by being confident in my character, in being funny, kind, empathetic, smart etc. So if a guy comes up to me and starts flirting (we know how most men relate to us so when a guy actually shows interest, we KNOW it) I'm almost offended, like "I would never want to date a guy that wants to get to know me based soley off my looks." So long story short, being overweight and having low self esteem comes with all sorts of defense mechanisms and hurdles that could only be revealed in a dating relationship. 

My one solid statement of advice is, be friends first. Don't show her any other intentions than just being friends and hanging out, and slowly crawl into it. That, and get her really drunk. 

I know there are a lot of confident ladies here, and I am only speaking from the perspective of a fat girl with low self esteem.


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## Lamia (May 28, 2010)

When I've been approached in public by a stranger who is hitting on me. I feel like a spider crawling up a white wall and someone just turned on the light. I hang there....completely vulnerable to your shoe or newspaper, but hope I blend into the plaster.



Just because a girl has low self-esteem doesn't mean she isn't worth getting to know. It just depends on how deep the level of self-loathing goes.


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## joswitch (May 28, 2010)

fiddypence said:


> Ok this may be somewhat unfocused but I'll do my best. As a single FA/feeder I find it quite difficult to find women. I used to think the difficulty would be a feedee. Now I've come to realize that I can be happy leaving my fantasies as fantasies. My issue now is that I often find that larger girls often seem to have lower self esteem and especially don't like when someone makes a big deal (or even a small deal) about their size, even if its positive.
> (I like to think that most of the women on this site don't have that problem, god bless you all).
> 
> Does anyone else find this?



Yeah, *some* BBWs really don't like being big.

I'd say someone's attitude to their own body is at least as important, in the whole to-date-or-not decision, as whether or not you find them to be hott...

Having dated BBWs who were positive 
or mostly happy/okay 
or even open-to-being-okay with being fat...
Vs. 
Having dated BBWs who hated being fat...

I'd definitely recommend holding out for a girl with the former^ body positive or neutral attitudes...


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## joswitch (May 28, 2010)

amygo said:


> From the perspective of a girl with low self esteem:
> 
> I've been fat my entire life. I've been trained by media and my environment, and my self image that I am not attractive, and no guy would ever be into me. I'm "pretty", outgoing, and have tons of fun with guys. But in the rare situations where I think a guy might be into me, I go in shock. I just want to run away and hide. I assume that most guys I meet aren't into me, and I can be my normal fun self, but if I get that vibe I instantly become super self conscious. There are several reasons for this, but a large part of it is that I just don't have experience in relating to men as a possible mate.



Practice! It's the way forward.



> There's also a trust issue going on, where *I hate myself and I'm fat and ugly, so what kind of person are you to find me attractive without knowing anything about me.* Also, in terms of dating, a fat girl (like me at least) with low self worth and thinks her body is disgusting has to build up some worth with other qualities. I coped with my issues by being confident in my character, in being funny, kind, empathetic, smart etc. So if a guy comes up to me and starts flirting (we know how most men relate to us so when a guy actually shows interest, we KNOW it) *I'm almost offended, like "I would never want to date a guy that wants to get to know me based soley off my looks."* So long story short, being overweight and having low self esteem comes with all sorts of defense mechanisms and hurdles that could only be revealed in a dating relationship.
> 
> My one solid statement of advice is, be friends first. *Don't show her any other intentions than just being friends and hanging out, and slowly crawl into it. That, and get her really drunk. *
> 
> I know there are a lot of confident ladies here, and I am only speaking from the perspective of a fat girl with low self esteem.



Gosh.

That last bit about showing no dating intentions and just "crawling" into it: 

Is pretty much the definition of the inappropriately named "nice guy" we've seen so often rightly villified on here. And "get her really drunk" = out and out creepy. At best following this advice I reckon you'll end up in the frustrating "friend-zone" at worst - arrested / restraining order. 

I'd rather know up front / early-ish in dating a girl that she thinks:
_"I hate myself so what kind of person are you to find me attractive"_
Cos who wants to date someone who despises you? ...for being attracted to them (or otherwise)...

And sure, you don't have to go straight in with some hardcore pervmongering... But y'know at an appropriate moment during conversation on a date something along the lines of "You know what? I'm having a great time this evening... You're pretty and fun.... and you have a great body!" or suchlike... should make it pretty clear where you stand....

And if that causes the girl's head to explode and her to run in fear, calling you a pervert? 
Well, you've done well to find that out BEFORE either of you become too emotionally invested in one another.... IMO


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## MrRabbit (May 29, 2010)

fiddypence said:


> It's very frustrating when you really like someone for something that they hate about themselves.


It is indeed, and in fact it affects me as an FA as well. As an FA, I like touching the soft parts of a woman's body, but if they would hate those parts, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that and thus withholding myself some aspects of my sexuality.

As an FA, you can have a very positive influence on a woman's self confidence though. I have been dating a woman who wasn't confident at all. She had low self esteem, not just about her body, but about herself as a person as well. I told her that her size is nothing to be ashamed about, that there are many men who like bigger women, I introduced her to some size acceptance forums and I helped her breaking out of her shell, not only as a BBW, but also as a person. Now she is much more confident. Of course this did not come overnight, it took a lot of talking, positive reinforcement and time.

I think that deep inside she isn't very confident yet (but hey, Rome wasn't built in a day!), and that's why I am still refraining a bit from touching her soft parts too much, but she is very open to me being an FA.


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## lalatx (Jun 2, 2010)

To me it is simple. If a guy asks me out I assume that he is attracted to me and that includes my giggly bits. I personally would not want to date someone that I was not physically attractive vice versa. Who wants to be in a relationship where the person they are with likes them except for one very big part of them... not me that's for sure. 

Do I expect a guy to act appropriate and not be creepy. Hell yeah I do. But I also expect to be touched on more than just my arms and face when the occasion arises. If a guy wants to touch my tummy and say that he likes the way I look and that includes my size that is awesome. I kind of expect it b.c it would happen within a normal size relationship except for the opposite reason. Sometimes we read to much into the whole FA/BBW aspect of the relationship instead of just treating it like what it is a relationship plain and simple. 

As far as poor self esteem goes I know women from size 2 to 32 who all have issue with their bodies. It has a lot to do with what is out in the media and being told the way you are is not good enough. A lot of girls also get the message from their parents and those around them. It is very hard to get over being told you are not good enough for the majority of your life. 

Its a problem for a lot of women and I personally do not think you can rely on others for change, it is called "self" esteem for a reason. I have always had good self esteem. I really can not explain why other than I am incredibly stubborn and strong willed. I got the same messages from the media, at home and from those in school but I did not let it affect how I feel about myself and my body. 

It has to be hard to like something about a person that they hate. It must be harder when that person speaks poorly about what you find attractive all the time. It makes you feel like what you are attracted to about that person is wrong and its not. I can not even begin to imagine how that must feel. 

There are girls out there that do not hate their giggly bits and like who they are. I am one of them. I would never say anything bad about my size in front of my partner b.c I know that it would hurt them to hear that. I do not know why I have good self esteem I have just always liked who I am and I am not worried about conforming to what society deems normal. In my experience normal is never very fun anyways. Good luck on your search... ok off my soap box for now


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## Christov (Jun 5, 2010)

I thought it was time to throw my two pieces of chosen currency into this thread.

For me, confidence is key. My ex wasnt very confident in herself or her body, and despite my very best efforts to relax her and build up a base of self worth, she rebuffed my efforts and made me feel very invalidated in a sort of if you like my body you must have something wrong with you way. This, was painful for me, and in the end was a contributing factor in breaking up our already unstable relationship. 

Now, it may be unpopular to say this, but Im not going to try and have a relationship with a girl who isnt confident ever again. It was tiresome trying to make her feel comfortable with herself and with me liking her body, she just pushed me away over and over and over. I cant deal with a relationship that distances me like that.


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## AuntHen (Jun 5, 2010)

indy500tchr said:


> Well I feel like I have very high self esteem and I enjoy the fact that there are guys out there that think that at my size I am attractive. However what I have bolded should not be your "jumping off point" when trying to get to know a girl. This has been a big turn off for me. Guys don't want to get to know my person. They just focus on the fat.
> 
> If you are really and truly serious about dating a girl. Get to know them as a person. You don't have to fawn over their fatness. You are already showing interest in her by talking and getting to know her...you don't have to reminder her WHY you approached her in the first place. I'm not saying don't tell her she's sexy or beautiful but keep it to that unless she likes being told "your big fat belly really turns me on"




this is my fave post on here... a woman knows you find her attractive without you having to flash a neon sign stating "I like fat girls"! If you talk to her, smile at her, flirt with her, give her attention etc, you are saying it without saying it. I mean compliments on looks are nice now and then, but do you need to start out meeting someone with "hi, I want to get to know you because you are fat and I like fat girls" ????!!! hahahaha

So, the fact that she was an attractive fat girl to you is why you approached her in the 1st place...great... now find out if she is as pretty and attractive inside without coming off as a "fat creeper" 

all women have self esteem issues to a degree (some more than others) and some fat women will never ever feel comfortable or attractive being fat and it probably will create an unhealthy relationship environment (but the same could be said for any type of insecurity). But before you go judging her self esteem, please self evaluate your approach and balance of conversation TOPICS Even a confident fat woman can find someone too PERVY or CREEPY!


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## escapist (Jun 17, 2010)

I know I'm not a woman, but I experienced some things here that are somewhat similar only from the perspective of an FFA being interested in me. I head heard of girls that like to feed men and get them bigger, I had no clue it was connected to (F)FA's (I just didn't connect the dots). When I finally got involved with my girlfriend there were a lot of things I thought were just crazy if not just strange. So is so cute to me resist her though. She kind of backed up a little and slowly introduced me to what it was she found hot and sexy. It really helped cause I met her on Dims. I just wasn't ready for the Squashing, feeding, belly rubbing, and all that. Lol she had a habit of calling me every time she came over and asking me what I wanted her to bring me. One time I asked her to bring me a burger she brought me 6. I was a little set back at why she would do that, but next thing I knew I ate them all in just 10 minutes or so.

So I'd say learn how to shut down the part of you that is judging a woman just on how she looks (as best you can) and really get to know her for her. Sure you can go up to her because you find her attractive, but don't go smothering her with all the physical reasons your into her. Talk to her let know things about you that she can be attracted to first. It will get you a lot farther if you wait for 2 or 3 signals that she's into you before you blow her away with letting her know how into her you are.

That should get you started on the path your looking for.

There was a post I made on another part of the board about dating school and stuff with links to video's of a Dr. Phil episode on the topic if your interested.


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## Britty (Jul 30, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Right, I think the key is at the end of your post. If you are _dating _someone already, of course it's appropriate to share about what you like about each other, what turns you on, etc. But just saying "i think it's perfectly normal to verbalize what's turning you on" gives too much leeway. Obviously it's NOT perfectly normal to go up to everyone you see and comment on their body and what turns you on about it. That's the thing that happens after you start dating, not before; and if women are feeling awkward when the OP mentions it to them, maybe it's insecurity - and maybe the level of connection just isn't ready for that kind of expression yet.



I dunno, if I see a guy with a nice ass or a great smile...I'm going to say "You have a bangin' ass, dude" or "I want to french you in the mouth" LOL.  I think it's normal to be physically attracted to someone first, nobody can look at you and see that you've graduated with a degree in English and that you're writing a stand up routine, you know? People gravitate to what catches their eye. If that's my ample, ready for loving body, please let me know!!!:kiss2:


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## 1love_emily (Dec 8, 2010)

amygo said:


> From the perspective of a girl with low self esteem:
> 
> I've been fat my entire life. I've been trained by media and my environment, and my self image that I am not attractive, and no guy would ever be into me. I'm "pretty", outgoing, and have tons of fun with guys. But in the rare situations where I think a guy might be into me, I go in shock. I just want to run away and hide. I assume that most guys I meet aren't into me, and I can be my normal fun self, but if I get that vibe I instantly become super self conscious. There are several reasons for this, but a large part of it is that I just don't have experience in relating to men as a possible mate. There's also a trust issue going on, where I hate myself and I'm fat and ugly, so what kind of person are you to find me attractive without knowing anything about me. Also, in terms of dating, a fat girl (like me at least) with low self worth and thinks her body is disgusting has to build up some worth with other qualities. I coped with my issues by being confident in my character, in being funny, kind, empathetic, smart etc. So if a guy comes up to me and starts flirting (we know how most men relate to us so when a guy actually shows interest, we KNOW it) I'm almost offended, like "I would never want to date a guy that wants to get to know me based soley off my looks." So long story short, being overweight and having low self esteem comes with all sorts of defense mechanisms and hurdles that could only be revealed in a dating relationship.
> 
> ...



This is exactly how I feel. I'm almost always on the defense. I've never actually been asked out: I asked my first (and only) boyfriend out on dates AND to be my boyfriend. Well, he wasn't an FA (and he only dated me to make another girl jealous - it didn't work out between them ) I'm so afraid of getting my heart broken everytime I have a crush, I never actually ask the guy out. My friends end up doing it for me. Sure, they give the nice answers (Oh, too busy... oh, don't have the time) but still. It hurts. 

So I'm not sure when someone approaches me like that (hah, like it's ever happened). 

Talk to her first. Be friends. Once your friends and you have her trust, ask her our. Once she understands that you adore her shape, then tell her.


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## spiritangel (Dec 8, 2010)

funny I am just re reading this topic

and its been a while I have almost made it to a year of being single

and I can honestly say to any FA out there if all you see is my size and expect that I am turned on by talking about my size and belly and stuff and that is all then your not gonna get the prize namely me

I agree talk to someone get to know them but dont make it all about size.

I am who I am size included and sorry but talking about my weight doesnt do anything for me talk to me about subjects I am interested in engage my mind and it will go a long way

it is hard to keep your selfesteem high at any age weight or size when you are being treated like an object or a piece of meat.

Just thought it was interesting to re read this thread and see how differently I felt about some of it having not lived through it over and over and now yeah very different get to know a girl for sure dont just jump on the size thing right away I know when a guy does I am turned off and dont really want to talk to them I have had numerous aguments with fa's this year on this subject to btw at the end of the day we want to be treated with kindness sincerity and respect well ok thats what I want.


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## The Orange Mage (Dec 8, 2010)

I'm with Christov. 

I spent way too many years with someone who was hostile to the fact that I was an FA. I was expected to love her physically as if she were a thin woman. Might as well try to high-five someone with no arms. The physical distancing that can come with the FA/self-loathing BBW matchup is damn poisonous, and will eventually drive the FA crazy with resentment, which is really what I think the woman in the situation would probably be feeling, too.

I am up front about this shit. This is what I like, this is how it makes me different than a normal guy, and you can take it or leave it. FAs and FFAs were made to give a special kind of love and happiness to those with fat bodies that "normal" people usually can't, and to put yourself in a situation where it's going to waste like that is a damn shame.


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## TimeTraveller (Dec 8, 2010)

1love_emily said:


> Talk to her first. Be friends. Once your friends and you have her trust, ask her out. Once she understands that you adore her shape, then tell her.


Very true. My wife & I are each other's best friends, although it didn't start that way (she denies any memory of throwing grape juice in my face when I pulled her hair in 2nd grade  ). Most couples we know with strong marriages are each other's best friends too. Physical attraction is important, but friendship may be the strongest foundation for a lasting love in our marriage now going on 31 years.



spiritangel said:


> I am who I am size included and sorry but talking about my weight doesnt do anything for me talk to me about subjects I am interested in engage my mind and it will go a long way


Again very true. My supersize wife is confident and fully accepts her size, but doesn't really like me to talk about how fat she is. From her perspective her fat is simply there and sometimes it's a nuisance. After all these years she still doesn't quite understand why her fat attracts me so much, but she sure is glad I love it. Far better to talk about subjects that interest both of us, and if she happens to bring up her weight that's when I go with it. She's perfectly okay letting me watch her jump up and down trying to shake her wonderfully obese figure into her jeans or slacks, but I'd better resist the urge to provide a play-by-play commentary! As far as I'm concerned, our personal compatibility makes our marriage work, with enough differences to make life interesting, and we are equal partners (although she knows one way to prevail in a discussion is to "innocently" shake her fat). The physical attraction is icing on the cake, and her huge soft warm curvy rolls of bouncing jiggling bulging fat hanging out and tantalizing me (there I go again! :smitten: ) are really GOOD icing. After all, I might not be the fat admirer I am today if we hadn't sparked each other's attention as 7- or 8-year-olds in 2nd grade and I watched her figure gradually grow over the next 45 years into the supersize beauty she is today. :bow:

Anyway I can attest to the wisdom of personal attraction first and physical attraction second. They're both good, but the personal attraction makes it all work.


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## disconnectedsmile (Dec 10, 2010)

fiddypence said:


> ...larger girls often seem to have lower self esteem and especially don't like when someone makes a big deal (or even a small deal) about their size, even if its positive.



i've dated girls like this in the past.
it never lasted very long with any of them.


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## gobettiepurple (Dec 10, 2010)

I have just one thing to add: TRUST.

Build some trust in your relationship [either as a friend or romantically, if you are already a couple] and everything else will flow. I can know in my heart that I am perfect the way that I am, and still not trust that other people can see and identify that. That step seems to be a given for some people [like my darling Castingpearls!] but in truth, some women [and men] have difficulty trusting people and taking what they say seriously. Don't under compliment her and dont over compliment her. Just have some patience and take it slow.

Someone did mention the dreaded "friend zone" . . . Kissing someone probably means you aren't going to be in the friend zone, so start there and don't rush her. Trust takes time to build.


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## CarlaSixx (Dec 11, 2010)

I think it's great that i've just stumbled across this thread. Given that I have not been so confident in the past but am feeling a shift lately, this is the kind of thig I needed to read. I guess I'm headed in the right direction for a good FA to eventually want to be with me. 

In fact, at the bookstore today, I pointed to a diet book and told my friend out loud "I'm never going to need one of those books again. I'm at a point where I know what I look like is what I'm meant to look like and if it changes, then so be it. But I'm not gonna force myself to change anymore." An employee (male) was working right next to me and overheard this, and responded to me that it was "refreshing to hear a girl think like that" and he said he hoped other girls would think like me because "there's no such thing as pefect." I was astounded! But happy, too, that a MALE who was a complete stranger to me actually spoke up and supported me. 

I do hope that when I stumble upon an FA, he won't like me JUST because of my appearance. Because I can totally accept that you think fat is hot, but I'm not looking to be a guy's sex toy. I'm looking for my bestest best friend who just so happens to think I'm sexy and lovable too. I hope the FAs approach dating more like that. Chasing a fantasy will only end up hurting someone. But chasing the genuine and true, that's different


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## RJ20 (Dec 11, 2010)

Good Luck with that. It seems to be that big girls (at least the models) ARE confident.The thing is with the ones that aren't. Even a dude like myself I don't feel comfortable or.that confident with putting alll this stuff out about me. I did post a pic awhile back , but I don't think many saw or liked it. I'm not that ugly, but not that good looking either, so it's kind of in between. At least for me. 
I've gotten crap because of being a little dude, I do eat though. And also just 
finding a big beautiful ATTRACTIVE girl who likes or hopefully dosen't mind being around a dude who's kind of nerdy. So far I haven't found much. I was happy to find at least one chick on here early in the year. I e-mailed pics to her because if it's not everybody looking at them, like someone with a negative comment, then it's ok. And I know I'm probably going to get the negative just like anyone else. I was happy to find she liked the pics though, I was'nt sure she would. And I can't wait to finally meet her in person. And I know she's probably just as nice and attractive as in her pics.


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## Lovelyone (Dec 11, 2010)

LoveBHMS said:


> I've seen this type of complaint a lot on here and i just want to say something from an (F)FFA perspective. i think it's perfectly normal to verbalize what's turning you on. It's not necessarily about disrespect or objectification, but when you're with a fatty there are certain particular things that are going to be arousing whether that's their size in general, a specific fat body part or shape, or something about how their size is hightlighted. I work with a fat guy at my part time job, and it is a turnon for me when he's behind the bar and his belly knocks into the well bottles or i see him eating. We're not dating and obviously it would be super unprofessional and rude to just off the cuff say "Hey you know when you're at the computer it's so hot how your belly rests on the countertop" but yeah, it is a turnon. And that doesn't negate anything about him as an individual at all--like if we were dating and he asked what i liked about him i could tell him--but i don't think it's any different from exclaiming over somebody's six pack abs, huge breasts, long hair, or any other physical attribute.


 
I used to hate it when a man told me that he loves my rolls/fat belly/big ass/huge arms. For me it was just unbelieveable that someone could find attractive the things that I found repulsive. I think that a LOT of women are still at this stage and haven't accepted that someone could find fat attractive. For ME(at that stage), I preferred waiting until we know one another better before getting those types of compliments. I wanted a guy to ask me if its okay to compliment me on such things, but I found that sometimes the guy didn't want to know ME the person before knowing me the FAT person. It's almost like seeing the fat was so tempting that it became hypnotic to them and they couldn't help themselves. 
Now (and it took a lot of time for me to get here), I dont mind hearing those types of compliments as long as they are tasteful. For instance...if someone is telling me that he finds my belly to be sexy, that is acceptable--but if he's saying something like "Wow your belly is as big as a cow's belly/car/fridge" or "You look like a huge fat piggie" He's more than likely going to be pulling back a bloody stump where his hand used to be and nursing a black eye. Use some tact and discretion when you are complimenting a woman and you will never go wrong.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 11, 2010)

Lovelyone said:


> _snipped_
> Now (and it took a lot of time for me to get here), I dont mind hearing those types of compliments as long as they are tasteful. For instance...if someone is telling me that he finds my belly to be sexy, that is acceptable--but if he's saying something like "Wow your belly is as big as a cow's belly/car/fridge" or "You look like a huge fat piggie" He's more than likely going to be pulling back a bloody stump where his hand used to be and nursing a black eye. *Use some tact and discretion when you are complimenting a woman and you will never go wrong.*



Right - I think the issue really is to know the particular woman you're with. Some ladies might like the whole fat piggie/refrigerator/cow thing, and some might not even be at the point where you can say much about their belly. "Tact and discretion" are good pointers, but really, getting to know that individual woman, and having honest conversations about what you each want and feel comfortable with; that's the only sure way to figure this stuff out.


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## CarlaSixx (Dec 11, 2010)

RJ20, don't despair. There's BBWs and SSBBWs out there who love nerdy and small types of guys  for real!

As when it comes to commenting on my size so as to try to compliment, I'd prefer hearing things like "I love how squishy you are" or "it's so comfortable and soft to hold you." things to that effect. But maybe as a "hard woman" I'm just looking too much for a guy to find the soft and feminine in me. That's probably part of it. I don't like hearing "your fat stomach is sexy" but I do like hearing "Id love to rest my head on your stomach" etc. 

Maybe I'm just weird but I'd really prefer hearing the benefits of my fat than just hearing that I am fat. If that makes any sense.


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## 1love_emily (Dec 11, 2010)

joswitch said:


> I'd rather know up front / early-ish in dating a girl that she thinks:
> _"I hate myself so what kind of person are you to find me attractive"_
> Cos who wants to date someone who despises you? ...for being attracted to them (or otherwise)...



Joswitch, the thing is that a lot of girls who are BBW don't know or understand the idea that there are people who like them. I had no idea that it was humanly possible for a guy to like someone who was 300+ pounds. I had always thought, because of something I read in an intro to Psychology, that men liked women who weren't skinny, but not fat (had hips/boobs/flat stomach) and long straight hair. For years I tried to emulate that, but it just wasn't me.

There was one guy who showed me this culture, the culture of acceptance and love that is Dims. I honestly thought I was huge, being a little over 300 lbs. But now I see that I am in quite, pretty damn skinny compared to some women who are happily married. I'm content with my weight, I don't want to gain or lose. Emily at 305 lbs is who I am, and who I want to be. 

I just think that more people need to know about BBW/FA/BHM/FFA-dom. Without this, I'd probably be eating lettuce and vingar for dinner every night with a side of decaf coffee. Instead, I eat pizzas and soup and steak and sushi and whateve the hell I want, because I can, and I know that someone will love me - it just comes down to finding them.


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## joswitch (Dec 19, 2010)

1love_emily said:


> Joswitch, the thing is that a lot of girls who are BBW don't know or understand the idea that there are people who like them. I had no idea that it was humanly possible for a guy to like someone who was 300+ pounds. I had always thought, because of something I read in an intro to Psychology, that men liked women who weren't skinny, but not fat (had hips/boobs/flat stomach) and long straight hair. For years I tried to emulate that, but it just wasn't me.
> 
> There was one guy who showed me this culture, the culture of acceptance and love that is Dims. I honestly thought I was huge, being a little over 300 lbs. But now I see that I am in quite, pretty damn skinny compared to some women who are happily married. I'm content with my weight, I don't want to gain or lose. Emily at 305 lbs is who I am, and who I want to be.
> 
> I just think that more people need to know about BBW/FA/BHM/FFA-dom. Without this, I'd probably be eating lettuce and vingar for dinner every night with a side of decaf coffee. Instead, I eat pizzas and soup and steak and sushi and whateve the hell I want, because I can, and I know that someone will love me - it just comes down to finding them.



I'm not disagreeing with anything you said here Emily, and I'm glad that Dims and FA stuff has been a positive for you. 

I have to say though: a lot of /some girls who are BBW don't WANT to know nor do they WANT to understand the idea that there are people who like them. I have met / know people who are FREAKED OUT by just discovering (in normal conversation, not "hitting on") that I like cute fat chicks. 
And when I say freaked out, I mean: like I just grew a big hairy spider leg out of my forehead! 

Most of these people have been chubby / fat girls who are CONSTANTLY engaged in fighting their weight and who put themselves through all kinds of hell to try and lose, often yo-yoing wildly. Someone like that is not at all reassured or interested in finding (out about) FAs, in fact they are kinda repulsed. IMO, FAs should not get emotionally involved with someone who feels that way, because, among other things - it will totally fuck the FA's head up.


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## Fat Brian (Dec 19, 2010)

I have to agree with Jo here. To some fat women FAs are merely a curiosity. They don't like themselves and don't understand how anyone else could. Its a well worn but very true statement that you can't love someone else until you love yourself, but I have also found you can't allow yourself to be loved until you love yourself.


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## penguin (Dec 19, 2010)

The guy that I've been seeing recently approached me while I was out shopping and asked for my number, telling me he loved my curves. I liked that approach  But after seeing each other a few times, I'm now feeling that he's more interested in getting his fetish fix rather than getting to know me, and that doesn't do much for my self esteem. I want someone to be interested in me for me, not just my body.


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## JulieD (Dec 19, 2010)

penguin said:


> The guy that I've been seeing recently approached me while I was out shopping and asked for my number, telling me he loved my curves. I liked that approach  But after seeing each other a few times, I'm now feeling that he's more interested in getting his fetish fix rather than getting to know me, and that doesn't do much for my self esteem. I want someone to be interested in me for me, not just my body.



Agreed! I just had some one IM me and he was only interest in his fetish...I told him that it is not a fetish for me, but my life...havent heard from him after that...


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## spiritangel (Dec 19, 2010)

JulieD said:


> Agreed! I just had some one IM me and he was only interest in his fetish...I told him that it is not a fetish for me, but my life...havent heard from him after that...



I have lost count of the number of times I have had this argument with FA's this year( I know it isnt every one of them either.) Especially within a first or second conversation. Plus it gets very boring very quickly if you want to impress a girl at any size find out about what makes her tick and who she is, and give her the same info on yourself

and intelligent conversation does far more to win me over than talking about my fat. 

Hugs


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## CarlaSixx (Dec 19, 2010)

The fetish thing really sucks sometimes. 

I mean, I've been talking to this guy for awhile and he's really awesome, and doesn't mention my fat almost at all, but I know he's just interested in exploring his fetish and not really anything more. At least we're friends, but it sucks that if he were to "give me a try" it would ONLY be because I'm fat. 

While he doesn't talk about it, he's previously mentioned it. I don't have the heart to cut ties because he's been a great friend up to date.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 20, 2010)

CarlaSixx said:


> The fetish thing really sucks sometimes.
> 
> I mean, I've been talking to this guy for awhile and he's really awesome, and doesn't mention my fat almost at all, but I know he's just interested in exploring his fetish and not really anything more. At least we're friends, but it sucks that if he were to "give me a try" it would ONLY be because I'm fat.
> 
> While he doesn't talk about it, he's previously mentioned it. I don't have the heart to cut ties because he's been a great friend up to date.



Umm, what? Would you feel better if he mentioned one time that he liked boobs or dark haired women? Is it because you know he likes your fat that it's more troubling in your mind or did he actually do something fetishy that is giving you misgivings?


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## NancyGirl74 (Dec 20, 2010)

I feel like I have to preface my post with...

I'm not an FA/FFA but I thought this was a good post and wanted to comment. I'm going waaay back to respond to this one so maybe someone already said this. If so...Ah well, great minds and all that. 



fiddypence said:


> Ok this may be somewhat unfocused but I'll do my best. As a single FA/feeder I find it quite difficult to find women. I used to think the difficulty would be a feedee. Now I've come to realize that I can be happy leaving my fantasies as fantasies. My issue now is that I often find that larger girls often seem to have lower self esteem and especially don't like when someone makes a big deal (or even a small deal) about their size, even if its positive.
> (I like to think that most of the women on this site don't have that problem, god bless you all).
> 
> Does anyone else find this?



I don't think low self esteem is always the main issue here. It might be part of it but I think a lot of is has to do with this...I'm a fat person, a person who is fat. No matter which way you say it I'm still a person first and foremost. When a man focuses on one aspect of a woman (even when in a positive way) it tends to diminish the rest of her. For example, a BBW might date you because she likes that you are an FA but that is not the only reason she is dating you. If it was her sole focus I doubt you would find the in relationship satisfying for long (assuming you are looking for a relationship and not just a casual thing). 

I had an ex who was very sweet, a great guy but all he talked about was my fat body. This aspect of it, that aspect of it, how he loved it, how it looked in clothes, out of clothes, in his car...You get the point. Was he an awesome guy? The best! Did I get sick of hearing how he loved my fat body? You betcha. He never intended it but I started to feel like body parts instead of a whole being. 

So my long winded response leads to this...Don't make a big deal about her size. Admire, appreciate, compliment her fat body...but don't let it be the only thing you admire, appreciate, and compliment. She is more than the sum of her parts. She's a person who happens to be fat. Not fat who happens to be a person.


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## penguin (Dec 20, 2010)

LillyBBBW said:


> Umm, what? Would you feel better if he mentioned one time that he liked boobs or dark haired women? Is it because you know he likes your fat that it's more troubling in your mind or did he actually do something fetishy that is giving you misgivings?



For me, it's the feeling I get sometimes that while he says he likes _me_, he's just more interested in getting his fetish fix than spending time with me. I love that he loves my body as it is, but there's more to me than that, and I want that to be appreciated just as much, if not more.


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## CarlaSixx (Dec 20, 2010)

LillyBBBW said:


> Umm, what? Would you feel better if he mentioned one time that he liked boobs or dark haired women? Is it because you know he likes your fat that it's more troubling in your mind or did he actually do something fetishy that is giving you misgivings?



He flat out called fat his fetish. Didn't say "I like big women" but said "I have a fat fetish" and has said before that it was the one thing he found appealing about me. He doesn't find anything else about my look appealing except for my fat. 

Now, I don't know about you, but I find that upsetting. 

But maybe it's the fact that I am not interested in sex and don't want to be used for sex that's bothering me about this guy. 

Either way, hearing that the only thing attractive about you is that you can fulfill a fetish is NOT a fun thing to know. 

I am a living breathing human. Not a piece of lard for a man to salivate over and stick his dick in. I want a real relationship and to be found overall attractive for all parts of me, not just that a guy fantasizes about fondling fatty bits.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 20, 2010)

CarlaSixx said:


> He flat out called fat his fetish. Didn't say "I like big women" but said "I have a fat fetish" and has said before that it was the one thing he found appealing about me. He doesn't find anything else about my look appealing except for my fat.
> 
> Now, I don't know about you, but I find that upsetting.
> 
> ...



I merely asked because you made it seem as if he were already doing all those things. You said he was awesome, you been talking for a while, you're good friends, yada yada. He's rarely even mentioned your fat body except in initial contact. I wasn't meaning to be combative at all, maybe I should rephrase the question. If he hadn't said anything at all about liking your fat or having a fat fetish, would you still consider him a friend according to his behavior? It's not a cliff hanger or a trap, I'm genuinely curious and not looking for an "AHA!" wrong answer. Does just knowing that he's interested in your fat poison everything else no matter how good it is or is it not really that good to begin with?


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## CarlaSixx (Dec 20, 2010)

It doesn't really poison anything. Just makes me a little sad. I do like having friends and people to talk to, but sometimes I wish there was someone who'd rather be more than friends. I get that everyone has their fetish, but I'd just like to be desired for more than that, and not just as a friend.

He considers me a friend, too, but would prefer to be FWBs to fulfill his fetish. While I'm not open to the idea of "WB" I like the idea of "F".

It's tiresome sometimes of always being the friend and never the girlfriend.

ETA; It's definitely in the "friend" zone by way of talking, though. No chance for more at all.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 20, 2010)

CarlaSixx said:


> It doesn't really poison anything. Just makes me a little sad. I do like having friends and people to talk to, but sometimes I wish there was someone who'd rather be more than friends. I get that everyone has their fetish, but I'd just like to be desired for more than that, and not just as a friend.
> 
> He considers me a friend, too, but would prefer to be FWBs to fulfill his fetish. While I'm not open to the idea of "WB" I like the idea of "F".
> 
> ...



My mind works much differently in general. Not saying it's good or better, it's actually very unusual. I'm completely disconnected from things like that. If someone says they dig me in some way, I appreciate it in that moment but then it is almost immediately forgotten about if they don't bring it up. It's not deliberate, I just don't have much awareness in that area. We could be chatting for months and if s/he never brings it up again it's merely an incident and not a material reality. I've often felt compelled to say, "So, do you still think 'xyz' thing?" but it feels kind of dumb to do so, idk. If they don't say anything I assume they've gotten over it, I have a mind like a goldfish there.

Now if they say they knew Dwayne Johnson I'm all up in their face. "OMG for real? What was he like? Can I get his number?" Three months later I'm still like, "She went to school with Dwayne!!!!" in my head. It's silly.


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## Jes (Dec 20, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Right - I think the issue really is to know the particular woman you're with. Some ladies might like the whole fat piggie/refrigerator/cow thing, and some might not even be at the point where you can say much about their belly. "Tact and discretion" are good pointers, but really, getting to know that individual woman, and having honest conversations about what you each want and feel comfortable with; that's the only sure way to figure this stuff out.



Here's my take on it

if someone is telling me my huge stomach is sexy, instead of just my stomach being sexy, then i absolutely feel like we're in fetish country. And if that's not a fetish i share, then forget it, i'm not interested.

do i have a nice ass, or do i have a nice ass that's the size of a boxcar? do i have nice arms or do i have huge arms?

a woman with a big ass or big arms knows it, everyone. It's not a secret. If you tell her you like her arms, that should be enough to convey that you like how they look, how they feel, their size, etc. If she has questions, she'll ask. If you want to hear yourself say the words 'gigantic' or 'huge' or 'pendulous' or roly poly' then you're doing so to turn yourself on. It'll only turn her on if it's HER fetish too.

keep that in mind.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 20, 2010)

Jes said:


> If you want to hear yourself say the words 'gigantic' or 'huge' or 'pendulous' or roly poly' then you're doing so to turn yourself on. It'll only turn her on if it's HER fetish too.
> 
> keep that in mind.


I agree with the whole post, I'm just saving space. I also find it depressing that this kind of thing has to actually be said publicly. I mean, it makes me sad to think that there are a lot (?) of fat admirers running around who are so inept in the ways of simple romance. As one of the fat admirers here, I have made quite a few friends who are also FA both male and female and the ones I know well all seem like normal, fully functional people capable of having a normal relationship and treating a partner well. But more and more, I'm starting to think I know a rarer subsection of the FA population and that many, many F/FA are somewhat out of synch with the world about courtship/dating and romance. I don't think they're all creeps or people who just fetishize either, I think it actually has to do with some missed step in their lives. I can't quite figure out what it would be, though, but it seems like they "missed something" in terms of how to talk to/treat a partner/potential partner.


NancyGirl74 said:


> I feel like I have to preface my post with...
> 
> 
> I don't think low self esteem is always the main issue here. It might be part of it but I think a lot of is has to do with this...I'm a fat person, a person who is fat. No matter which way you say it I'm still a person first and foremost. When a man focuses on one aspect of a woman (even when in a positive way) it tends to diminish the rest of her. For example, a BBW might date you because she likes that you are an FA but that is not the only reason she is dating you. If it was her sole focus I doubt you would find the in relationship satisfying for long (assuming you are looking for a relationship and not just a casual thing).



Quoted partially for the same reason I quoted Jes' post. I still find it depressing that this sort of thing needs to be stated. I will say, though, sometimes self esteem is an issue and that can be tough for anyone to deal with (FA or non-FA) but I agree that way too many people leap to the "low self-esteem" conclusion because a woman or man doesn't want to be obsessed over constantly. I'm a thin woman and we don't usually like it either. It's nice to be complimented, but not about your body all the time. It's bizarre and uncomfortable. No real relationship is going to be based on "the fetish", it's going to be based on two people getting along just like in the non-FA world. Why do so many F/FA seem to think that it would be otherwise? 

And as for "fat talk"....I don't understand why any F/FA would lead with that unless they knew FOR CERTAIN the BBW/BHM was into it too. As Jes said, if it's not her (or his for BHM) fetish, then keep it to yourself. And don't assume it's her/his fetish unless they make that clear in some way. Ask them THEIR fantasies, what they like, then you might find things less difficult. Why is this so hard people? Why?:doh:

I've become really cranky lately or something. My posts used to be more evenhanded and PC.


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## joswitch (Dec 20, 2010)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> ... Why is this so hard people? Why?:doh:



Probably cos the dudes in question employ the spam-everyone-on-the-internet approach to finding that one person who shares their kink...

And, also, probably cos those same dudes never, ever, ever read any of the umpteen threads that make these exact same points on DIMs, on FF and elsewhere... 

And yes, it is all pretty basic incremental socialising...
*shrugs*


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 20, 2010)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> I agree with the whole post, I'm just saving space. I also find it depressing that this kind of thing has to actually be said publicly. I mean, it makes me sad to think that there are a lot (?) of fat admirers running around who are so inept in the ways of simple romance. As one of the fat admirers here, I have made quite a few friends who are also FA both male and female and the ones I know well all seem like normal, fully functional people capable of having a normal relationship and treating a partner well. But more and more, I'm starting to think I know a rarer subsection of the FA population and that many, many F/FA are somewhat out of synch with the world about courtship/dating and romance. I don't think they're all creeps or people who just fetishize either, I think it actually has to do with some missed step in their lives. I can't quite figure out what it would be, though, but it seems like they "missed something" in terms of how to talk to/treat a partner/potential partner.
> 
> 
> Quoted partially for the same reason I quoted Jes' post. I still find it depressing that this sort of thing needs to be stated. I will say, though, sometimes self esteem is an issue and that can be tough for anyone to deal with (FA or non-FA) but I agree that way too many people leap to the "low self-esteem" conclusion because a woman or man doesn't want to be obsessed over constantly. I'm a thin woman and we don't usually like it either. It's nice to be complimented, but not about your body all the time. It's bizarre and uncomfortable. No real relationship is going to be based on "the fetish", it's going to be based on two people getting along just like in the non-FA world. Why do so many F/FA seem to think that it would be otherwise?
> ...



I think that in real life we encounter just as many creepoids and losers as we do on the net. It's just that in the real world we don't engage or associate with people like that. Our eyes look right past them not even registering their presence if they don't look approachable or familial. We don't invite them to approach us and we can choose to hang around with people whose looks or manner draws us in. Seriously, who talks to EVERYONE they see? The world is crawling with freaks and wierdos. In real life we're more selective but online the criterion is not as well defined. Those awful people are the same awful people you step around on the sidewalk to get into Panera but our eyes have become accustomed.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 20, 2010)

joswitch said:


> Probably cos the dudes in question employ the spam-everyone-on-the-internet approach to finding that one person who shares their kink...
> 
> And, also, probably cos those same dudes never, ever, ever read any of the umpteen threads that make these exact same points on DIMs, on FF and elsewhere...
> 
> ...





LillyBBBW said:


> I think that in real life we encounter just as many creepoids and losers as we do on the net. It's just that in the real world we don't engage or associate with people like that. Our eyes look right past them not even registering their presence if they don't look approachable or familial. We don't invite them to approach us and we can choose to hang around with people whose looks or manner draws us in. Seriously, who talks to EVERYONE they see? The world is crawling with freaks and wierdos. In real life we're more selective but online the criterion is not as well defined. Those awful people are the same awful people you step around on the sidewalk to get into Panera but our eyes have become accustomed.



Point taken on both counts.  But I still sometimes get the feeling that there is a group that falls in between. I mean, I get the feeling some of these fat admirers aren't creeps or weirdos in the usual sense, it's more like their social skills are stunted when it comes to dating. Perhaps the internet is part of the problem there as well, I don't know. I never hung around on internet forums until I found this place. Maybe the nature of forum life in general is changing the way people interact, making it more blunt. It just seems like sometimes you see posts from people or about experiences with people who come across like they're 12 year olds trapped in adult bodies. A lot of this seems like pretty basic, normal stuff adults learn as they go through life, yet somehow a lot of people seem to have missed it. I don't know, maybe it is just that the internet puts the socially awkward on display in a way real life doesn't.


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## The Orange Mage (Dec 21, 2010)

These horribly inept-type FAs just don't know anything other than "fat = sexy = good = and so on..." and really need to realize that they should either (a) tone it the hell down or (b) if it's really that much of a deal breaker search* for a lady who gets her jollies from her fat the same way you do, simple as that.

* Note that I said search, not find, as finding such a woman is rare even in this little fat-centric hunk of the internet.


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## Tad (Dec 21, 2010)

Personal opinion, based on at best a bit of anecdotal evidence: I think a lot of FA really suppress that side of themselves in their younger years, so that side doesnt really mature. With respect to being an FA they are still stuck at being 12 years old and OMG shes fat, gasm! 

On top of which, I suspect a lot of FA (at least with guys) are less apt to date that are their peers with more common tastes. If you arent ready to admit you prefer a fat partner, and arent all that interested in the thin people, how hard are you willing to work at (and how much social risk are you willing to tolerate for) the chance to date someone that doesnt attract you all that strongly?


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## Fat Brian (Dec 21, 2010)

Another thing that seems to come in to play is that some male Fas still still hold negative views of fat women and for some this is an aspect of what for them is a fetish. Somehow they are aroused by the put down, the negative attitude gives an edge to it, it makes them feel dirty in a good way. You can see it in some of the gems post in the crazy internet messages thread in the lounge, the guy comes just looking for sex and when he gets shot down he retaliates at the women saying how no one would be interested in her and he is doing her a favor. In some ways its a power play and in others its that they have internalized ideas that sex is shameful and have fetishized those aspects as well.


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## NJDoll (Dec 21, 2010)

The Orange Mage said:


> These horribly inept-type FAs just don't know anything other than "fat = sexy = good = and so on..." and really need to realize that they should either (a) tone it the hell down or (b) if it's really that much of a deal breaker search* for a lady who gets her jollies from her fat the same way you do, simple as that.
> 
> * Note that I said search, not find, as finding such a woman is rare even in this little fat-centric hunk of the internet.



Well said!!


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## Jes (Dec 21, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> Another thing that seems to come in to play is that some male Fas still still hold negative views of fat women and for some this is an aspect of what for them is a fetish. Somehow they are aroused by the put down, the negative attitude gives an edge to it, it makes them feel dirty in a good way .


Exactly and a very good point. Like the horrifying poll in the 'Very Fat Women' yahoo group in which the group owner asked all members how 'their BBWs' (ugh) had been treated in public. The options were things like: Called names in public. Broke furniture in a public place. And, my favorite: Had things thrown at her by people in public (which resulted in her crying).

NOT KIDDING ON THOSE.

And, get this: he'd included absolutely no option for 'none of these things happen, she's never been humiliated in public that way.' 

Uh... gee. It really doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that guy's sexual angle, now does it? 

That poll left a black mark on my soul like few other things in my entire adult life.


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## Fat Brian (Dec 22, 2010)

There is a no longer posted on thread on here that was about the negative aspects of FAness and one guy said he didn't want his partner to ever bathe and he wanted to eat the food that fell out of her mouth after it was rotten. I was shocked and very sad about some of the posts there. As a person who loves women in a positive way its hard to imagine some of the utterly fucked up things that go on out there.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 22, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> There is a no longer posted on thread on here that was about the negative aspects of FAness and one guy said he didn't want his partner to ever bathe and he wanted to eat the food that fell out of her mouth after it was rotten. I was shocked and very sad about some of the posts there. As a person who loves women in a positive way its hard to imagine some of the utterly fucked up things that go on out there.



I don't think this kind of fucked up behavior is some kind of particularly FA-like thing. Men who like thin women, average women, and anyone else also have these kinds of fantasies. The fat thing just adds its own particular spin on it, but FAs have in no way cornered the market on these kinds of demented fantasies.


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## Fat Brian (Dec 22, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> I don't think this kind of fucked up behavior is some kind of particularly FA-like thing. Men who like thin women, average women, and anyone else also have these kinds of fantasies. The fat thing just adds its own particular spin on it, but FAs have in no way cornered the market on these kinds of demented fantasies.



I wasn't trying suggest that only FAs have these odd desires, there is someone perving on anything imaginable.


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## bigmac (Dec 23, 2010)

penguin said:


> The guy that I've been seeing recently approached me while I was out shopping and asked for my number, telling me he loved my curves. I liked that approach  But after seeing each other a few times, I'm now feeling that he's more interested in getting his fetish fix rather than getting to know me, and that doesn't do much for my self esteem. I want someone to be interested in me for me, not just my body.



I don't think that this is too unusual. I'm betting that lots of us, both guys and girls, have met people who we were physically attracted to but for one reason or another didn't connect with as people.

Leads to the choice of either moving on or just enjoying the physical attraction for what it is.


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## snuggletiger (Jan 11, 2011)

My problem is as soon as I date a BBW and complement her on her figure, she all of a sudden wants to diet and be anorexic.


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 11, 2011)

snuggletiger said:


> My problem is as soon as I date a BBW and complement her on her figure, she all of a sudden wants to diet and be anorexic.



Somehow I feel like some really important details of the story are missing here.


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## snuggletiger (Jan 11, 2011)

To me its be who ya wanna be. Ya don't have to change your shape on my account. Just why can't folks be happy with how they are.


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## Jes (Jan 11, 2011)

snuggletiger said:


> My problem is as soon as I date a BBW and complement her on her figure, she all of a sudden wants to diet and be anorexic.



it must be very difficult being you, snuggle; my heart goes out to you.


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## chapelhillmensch (Jan 11, 2011)

snuggletiger said:


> My problem is as soon as I date a BBW and complement her on her figure, she all of a sudden wants to diet and be anorexic.




EGAD!!!!

You are like the Fat Woman's Supervillian!!!! Your words cause mental CHAOS Damn you Dr SnuggleTiger,Damn you!!!!!!


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## snuggletiger (Jan 11, 2011)

I know the evil powers of opening a door for people and paying for the first date that must be whats causing the world to go chaotic


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## Jes (Jan 11, 2011)

snuggletiger said:


> I know the evil powers of opening a door for people and paying for the first date that must be whats causing the world to go chaotic



I know! You are braver than Jesus on his way to his own crucifixtion, snuggle. You don't deserve this hardship.


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## snuggletiger (Jan 11, 2011)

Its just funky, I either get the lady that doesn't have time for me who finds me amazing , or the lady thats has baggage. Or worse the third group. the Exes that drop you like its hot then suddenly are concerned about your welfare and curious as to if you're dating and who you are dating. Maybe if I had a translator I wouldn't mess things up so much.


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 11, 2011)

---------------------


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jan 11, 2011)

mcbeth said:


> ---------------------




At last, a Zen post!


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## Webmaster (Jan 12, 2011)

After all it's said and done, you'll find that it all worked out as it should. Maybe not totally as we'd have liked or expected, but for the most part well enough.

One problem is patience or the lack of it. When we're younger, we want for everything to happen instantly. And if it doesn't, we get impatient or depressed. When I look at my old diaries, I see myself get all worked up over things not happening fast enough.

Taking a longer outlook always works best. Figure out what you want and need, then calmly work towards it. Don't force things, but also never lose sight of your goals.


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## J34 (Jan 12, 2011)

Webmaster said:


> After all it's said and done, you'll find that it all worked out as it should. Maybe not totally as we'd have liked or expected, but for the most part well enough.
> 
> One problem is patience or the lack of it. When we're younger, we want for everything to happen instantly. And if it doesn't, we get impatient or depressed. When I look at my old diaries, I see myself get all worked up over things not happening fast enough.
> 
> Taking a longer outlook always works best. Figure out what you want and need, then calmly work towards it. Don't force things, but also never lose sight of your goals.



True words of wisdom from the Webmaster :bow:


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## gobettiepurple (Jan 13, 2011)

chapelhillmensch said:


> EGAD!!!!
> 
> You are like the Fat Woman's Supervillian!!!! Your words cause mental CHAOS Damn you Dr SnuggleTiger,Damn you!!!!!!



this made me squirt milk out of my nostrils . . . metaphorically speaking


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## joswitch (Jan 13, 2011)

snuggletiger said:


> My problem is as soon as I date a BBW and complement her on her figure, she all of a sudden wants to diet and be anorexic.



Hah. Been there. Kinda. 

For some peeps they can't starve themselves smaller when they're lonely, but as soon as they feel loved and appreciated then they can cheerfully not eat.

Which is - if you're a loving guy, and an FA-by-orientation - a truly intense mindfuck.

wtf ya gonna do, eh?

*shrugs*


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## Melian (Jan 14, 2011)

joswitch said:


> Hah. Been there. Kinda.
> 
> For some peeps they can't starve themselves smaller when they're lonely, but as soon as they feel loved and appreciated then they can cheerfully not eat.
> 
> ...



Yeah...I've encountered the same. Also, people who have been fat for years without having much of a problem with it, who suddenly have the desire to "better" themselves once they start dating you. Arg.


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## snuggletiger (Jan 14, 2011)

Toss that in the sobriquet of "you're too good for me" or "you'd be perfect for someone else" and you begin to feel like dating and the idea of the "one" is just a hallmark marketing gimmick.


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## fiddypence (Jan 17, 2011)

Basically, you have to be prepared to love someone at (just about) any size if you're going to be in a relationship with them. I know that when I've been in a good relationship, I've enjoy helping her lose weight because it made her happier. If I only loved her because she fit my "type" then its not really love at all, is it?


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jan 17, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> My self-esteem basically translates to everyone should worship me.
> 
> I refused to date anyone who wouldn't love every inch of me. That was and is non-negotiable.
> 
> Spouse has always been an out FA. He's gotten a lot of crap for it and as passive as he is, he is unrepentantly a lover of fat women. I deeply respect that. His first wife had no self confidence and was so full of self-loathing it contaminated every single aspect of their marriage. It was over in less than a year, and that included counseling.



He is a lucky man to have someone as confident as you. Now can you send some of your confidence to the women down in my area? So many of them hate themselves...


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## CastingPearls (Jan 17, 2011)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> He is a lucky man to have someone as confident as you. Now can you send some of your confidence to the women down in my area? So many of them hate themselves...


Well, he WAS a lucky man. Wow it's amazing how much things can change in less than a year but I'm like a cat; I always land on my feet. It's all good.


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## AmazingAmy (Jan 17, 2011)

Webmaster said:


> After all it's said and done, you'll find that it all worked out as it should. Maybe not totally as we'd have liked or expected, but for the most part well enough.
> 
> One problem is patience or the lack of it. When we're younger, we want for everything to happen instantly. And if it doesn't, we get impatient or depressed. When I look at my old diaries, I see myself get all worked up over things not happening fast enough.
> 
> Taking a longer outlook always works best. Figure out what you want and need, then calmly work towards it. Don't force things, but also never lose sight of your goals.



Wish I'd read this an hour ago.


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## joswitch (Jan 18, 2011)

Melian said:


> Yeah...I've encountered the same. Also, people who have been fat for years without having much of a problem with it, who suddenly have the desire to "better" themselves once they start dating you. Arg.



Yeah, it's a real "Oh, please just kill me." moment.:doh:

WTF is up with that? It can feel like some kind of bizzarre test!

"Oho! So, you love me exactly as I am, eh? Exactly as I have been for years? Well now we are together, what about if I deliberately alter myself almost beyond recognition? In exactly the opposite direction to what I know you're into. How d'you like me now? eh? eh?"

:doh:


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## joswitch (Jan 18, 2011)

fiddypence said:


> Basically, you have to be prepared to love someone at (just about) any size if you're going to be in a relationship with them. I know that when I've been in a good relationship, I've enjoy helping her lose weight because it made her happier. If I only loved her because she fit my "type" then its not really love at all, is it?



Ugh. I'm so tired of being told that my love for someone isn't real, because it doesn't fit your experience / definition / value system, whatever. I know when / that I have been in love. So, I reject your value judgements.

For some of us, who are FA by orientation, while we still love that person we fell in love with, there's a real fundamental sense of aching loss* above and beyond "teh sexay" when your partner deliberately chooses to lose a very large, tranformative amount of weight. (e.g. half their body weight) 
In my case it fucked with my head so bad that I got ulcers (never had those before or since) and insomnia.
If I wasn't truly, deeply in love with that girl there is no way I'd've put up with feeling that conflicted - and struggling with those feelings - for five minutes, never mind five months (out of 6). 

If you don't experience that depth of internal conflict, you'll never get it. So, do us a favour and spare us the "it's not real love" lectures, eh?

(*Which you cannot understand if you are not that way, and I'm bored of all the fights that arise when I try to explain it to people, so just take it as read, ok?)


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## fiddypence (Jan 18, 2011)

joswitch said:


> If you don't experience that depth of internal conflict, you'll never get it. So, do us a favour and spare us the "it's not real love" lectures, eh?
> 
> (*Which you cannot understand if you are not that way, and I'm bored of all the fights that arise when I try to explain it to people, so just take it as read, ok?)



Ok Joswitch, you are attacking me for some reason. Maybe you wouldn't be sick of fights if you didn't try to pick them. Just re-read my posts throughout this thread. Don't jump on me for something you think I might have meant. What I said was not "real" love was if you loved them just because they were the right size, which I think anyone would agree with. In prior posts I stated that I went through the exact same things as you, but perhaps not to the same extreme.

If you are really upset when your girlfriend loses weight then lesson learned I guess, but what are you going to do about it? Sometimes people gain or lose weight for reasons beyond their control, often health related and not-fun reasons. Maybe it will be hard for you to accept it, I don't dispute that, but you can't control it. You can't control everything your partner does, sometimes all you can do is leave them. It may be heartbreaking to watch a girlfriend waste away due to Chemo or something, but would you love them any less? If the answer is "yes", then it wasn't what I would call "real love". That was the point that I was making really.

It's a different situation if the girl just suddenly decides to lose weight all on her own. I, too, would find that annoying. I've actually broken up with girls before because they were losing weight despite knowing my preference. I realized that I was in those relationships for the wrong reasons anyway. As an FA and a feeder, I feel that a large component of my sexuality comes from my role as a nurturer. Basically, I want a fat, happy, healthy girl. If I have a girl who is losing weight and depressed then this confuses my caveman circuits. All I can do is offer her more wilderbeest. So I understand your existential crisis. My advice remains the same, find someone that you would love even if they were to halve their size and then you won't have to worry. If this is impossible for you, then keep looking!


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## Gingembre (Jan 18, 2011)

fiddypence said:


> Ok Joswitch, you are attacking me for some reason. Maybe you wouldn't be sick of fights if you didn't try to pick them. Just re-read my posts throughout this thread. Don't jump on me for something you think I might have meant. What I said was not "real" love was if you loved them just because they were the right size, which I think anyone would agree with. In prior posts I stated that I went through the exact same things as you, but perhaps not to the same extreme.
> 
> If you are really upset when your girlfriend loses weight then lesson learned I guess, but what are you going to do about it? Sometimes people gain or lose weight for reasons beyond their control, often health related and not-fun reasons. Maybe it will be hard for you to accept it, I don't dispute that, but you can't control it. You can't control everything your partner does, sometimes all you can do is leave them. It may be heartbreaking to watch a girlfriend waste away due to Chemo or something, but would you love them any less? If the answer is "yes", then it wasn't what I would call "real love". That was the point that I was making really.
> 
> *It's a different situation if the girl just suddenly decides to lose weight all on her own. *I, too, would find that annoying. I've actually broken up with girls before because they were losing weight despite knowing my preference. I realized that I was in those relationships for the wrong reasons anyway. As an FA and a feeder, I feel that a large component of my sexuality comes from my role as a nurturer. Basically, I want a fat, happy, healthy girl. If I have a girl who is losing weight and depressed then this confuses my caveman circuits. All I can do is offer her more wilderbeest. So I understand your existential crisis. My advice remains the same, find someone that you would love even if they were to halve their size and then you won't have to worry. If this is impossible for you, then keep looking!



As the ex-girlfriend mentioned in Joswitch's post, I think it only fair to clarify that the situation he mentioned was the one I have bolded above. And yes, the situation would have been different had I been losing weight due to illness/chemo etc. And it wasn't really about him loving me any less, just that the conflict of interest meant that the situation became too strained for a relationship to be sustained.

*creeps back to the bbw board*


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