# How should I respond?



## Fallen Angel (Dec 16, 2005)

I'm sorry Noelle.


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## GunnDancer (Dec 16, 2005)

Well if she's your friend..I'd find out why she posted such a hurtful comment. Whether or not it was directed at you, if she knows your a bbw thats a pretty mean thing to say.


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## fred_elliot (Dec 16, 2005)

Maybe there is an element of jealousy regarding the level of attention the 'big breast icons' are attracting from the opposite sex..


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## Jack Skellington (Dec 16, 2005)

Sounds like she has BSBW syndrome. 

Women should be proud of their breasts. Breasts are beautiful. A gift from the Gods. If breasts were more loved and appreciated the world would be a much happier and safer place.


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## fred_elliot (Dec 16, 2005)

Jack Skellington said:


> Sounds like she has BSBW syndrome.



help me out with that acronym Jack.... I can think of many possibles....

re. the initial problem, sounds like a form of jealousy and toys being thrown from pram. Probably no malicious intent.


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## Tarella (Dec 16, 2005)

Hi Carrie,

I find your friend's post quite distasteful but I think it is a good representation of how some people (particularly women) react to fat people. Her post sounds a bit like a woman who has too much time on her hands if she is looking at other womens' breast icons. She also sounds a tad bit envious of the bodaciousness of fat women. Women can be very catty when envious...let me guess...she lacks a full cleavage? It's a lame attempt at making her point through dissing the economics of fat health. Perhaps you should post the addy to her blog here anonymously and we can all have a round at her*winks*

I have a friend who is a bit like yours. She is a thin blonde and works hard at keeping her figure (Bulimia). On more than one occasion when we have been out in a bar together or at an event, she will point out a fat woman or man and say rude comments about them. When I was younger I wouldn't say anything, but now that I am older I just look at her and say, "If thats what you think about that person, what do you think about your fat friend (while smiling at her and pointing at myself). She then gets embarrassed and makes excuses for her comment. I ask myself, does she not realize that when she is cutting down other fat people, she is also cutting down me. 

I don't know what you should say to her, but if it were me, I would politely tell her with facts that sick fat people don't cost society anymore than sick thin ones. In fact there are studies that show the opposite. I would also politely let her know that her jabs at fat people, in fact are jabs at her fat friends, her fat relatives, and her potentially fat children someday.

Just my thoughts

Tara*S*


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## Jack Skellington (Dec 16, 2005)

fred_elliot said:


> help me out with that acronym Jack.... I can think of many possibles....



*B*itter *S*mall *B*reasted *W*oman.


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## fred_elliot (Dec 16, 2005)

Jack Skellington said:


> *B*itter *S*mall *B*reasted *W*oman.



ah.. i see, very apt in this case me thinks.


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## Moonchild (Dec 16, 2005)

I don't think it's all that uncommon to hold a person's fatness against them, which is sad. This would be a catalyst to my not-too-infrequent "What the hell do you care?" response. Oh no, God forbid someone should consider themselves attractive against YOUR will. It's disgusting that they aren't already mourning their early demise.

Just point out the hypocrisy of her statements and she'll probably either a) see the light (not likely) or b) shut the hell up, which isn't necessarily nice or the desireable outcome, but at least it'll stop other people from getting offended.


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## 1300 Class (Dec 16, 2005)

Flame them anonymously.


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## fatlane (Dec 16, 2005)

Like she'll pay the medical bills. The way the US government spends, her tax dollars are actually going towards servicing the national debt, military spending, pork projects, and general social security, of which health spending is a minor part. 

If she's so damn concerned about her money, she could get a much bigger rebate by reining in Congress than by grabbing that ice cream cone out of your hand.

SBSW, indeed!


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## Fallen Angel (Dec 16, 2005)

Tarella, 
Thank you for your post!


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## LynzeeMoon (Dec 16, 2005)

In my opinion, people like this who seem to get angry at the fact that people are fat... are jealous. That's right jealous lol... my point being... when you see someone, anyone for that matter, big or small... if they have confidence it seems to piss people off. ((usually people with low self esteem)) It doesnt matter how big someone's boobs are, if they are confident enough to want to show them, who cares? 

I like boobies  they're purty


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## fasub (Dec 17, 2005)

BSBW--I'm related to one...I've been a FA since I can remember, and I have always dated and and had relationships with large-breasted, large bottomed women. To this day, (we are both well into our forties) I still hear derisive comments about this particular woman, or that co-worker etc.

The adversary is almost always a large, full-figured or "obese" woman. I find it disturbing that she always needs to pass on the details of these encounters to ME of all people, knowing full and well of my preference. I can only surmise that it's a passive-aggressive reaction to my choice of partner.

BBF!!!


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## MissToodles (Dec 17, 2005)

So it was written in your friend's blog. She probably was trying to be "edgy" and wasn't even thinking of you. Obviously she is a bit naive in her views. I like when people complain about how fat people look and you call them out on their idiot views. Suddenly it's a "health" issue. As if anyone's health is their business!

Do expect her to get defensive when you try to correct her views, no one likes being wrong.


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## ThatFatGirl (Dec 17, 2005)

Fallen Angel said:


> Tarella,
> Thank you for your post!
> Haha, yes she does in fact lack full cleavage! She is what is known on here as a 'stick'.
> 
> I think you may have me confused with someone else though... My name is Jessica.



Wow.. you're not who I thought you were either. I'm so confused.

I'd set your "friend" straight, but then I've never been one to sit back and keep my mouth closed.


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## formerking (Dec 17, 2005)

Fallen Angel said:


> I find myself especially annoyed by fat women who have icons of their giant, fat breasts, who think they are hot, but they are just flying down the fast lane on the highway to Type II Diabetes Mellitus, heart disease, joint replacement, and a thousand other problems I'm not going to start to name, a lot of the cost of which I'm going to have to pay for because they don't know when to shut their mouths.




Referring to the cost to society incurred by so-called unhealthy behavior, specifically by being fat, is misleading if it is not compared to what a healthy lifestyle will cost society. 

The biggest threat to welfare will be the cost of the social security system. The root cause of the problem is the decreasing ratio of payees over retirees, which is for a good part due to the increased life expectancy. If everyone would drop dead on the day of his or her retirement there would be no pension problem at all. While we can hope that this will not be our fate the question remains what kind of economy can shoulder ever more people in an inactive state. 

Ironically, because a healthy lifestyle will probably increase life expectancy, it tends to aggravate the social security problem. Think of the health nut that reaches the age of ninety-two and what that might cost. Think what poor investment that is, if someone literally more or less eats all their lifetime savings in the time from their retirement at age sixty-five until their death at ninety-two. And what if the person spends the last six years of their life in a nursing home receiving fulltime care because of Alzheimer's disease? I think fatal heart attack around retirement age would be much more economical. 

So, putting that into perspective unhealthy lifestyles could be even beneficial to economy, when compared to the life expectancy increasing healthy lifestyles. Should the government condone or even encourage alcohol, eating fast food, and smoking? 

I am well aware of the cynicism and absurdness in that kind of thinking, which is exactly my point: The discussion of putting a price tag on individual's lifestyle is cynical and absurd. If it leads anywhere, it sure will be the gradual reduction of an individuals opportunities. Where would it stop? How does DNA based risk assessment for everyone sound, available to employers, health insurances, authorities, etc? In such a brave new world there would be little room for ideas like equal opportunity, freedom, dignity.


Formerking


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## Single26Female (Dec 17, 2005)

You have already received some great advice but I just wanted to add my three cents to the pot.

My opinion is that you should not respond. My reasons run the gammit from it is a "personal" journal that you choose to read and therefore technically have no right to ask her to censor her writing to it's obvious that she posted this as a cry for help.

I believe that when we bash other people, especially publically, it's screaming something about our own insecurity. Example: There's a girl in my classes who was divorced four years ago. She's re-married and 3500 miles away from the guy but STILL verbally, publically, frequently wishes him dead. That hasn't changed my opinion of him but I definitely think SHE is batshit crazy. (I love her still though....)

Anyway, my point is this. Journals are the carefully folded jr high notes of our youth. Remember how they were accidentally dropped in front of the person we wanted to read them??? Remember how they were NOTHING if not propaganda supporting our cause without regard for the feelings and needs of those around us... It seems like that's what this gal has chosen to use her blog to accomplish.

If she knows she has readers, she may be targeting specific ones in an attempt to indirectly humiliate them into submission. Not your place to respond... THEIR place to respond...

The flip side is, of course, that she just truly, maturely, and clear-headedly dislikes obese women. All of the things she said can be applied to at least one or two people on earth and that makes them valid if those are her ONLY experiences with this population. If this is who she is and what she believes....you have chosen to be her friend for your love of her, if this is something that changes your opinion of who she is...then it may be time to re-evaluate your friendship BUT perpetuating the blog nonsense won't move anything forward.

Ok, I feel a nap coming on.

Hope you are well and sorry your friend went apeshit in her blog.

Hugs


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## GunnDancer (Dec 17, 2005)

I think another thing to wonder is just how this person treats YOU out in public. I just know from my own personal experiences that when I was hanging with a friend of mine, we were relatively the same size, but because he was so insecure about his own looks he used to turn on me in public, trying to tear me apart and get people in on it. It could be that your friend is just very insecure of her own self, weight included, so what she is doing is trying to draw attnetion that might be negative away from herself and direct it towards another target.


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## Tarella (Dec 17, 2005)

GunnDancer said:


> when I was hanging with a friend of mine, we were relatively the same size, but because he was so insecure about his own looks he used to turn on me in public, trying to tear me apart and get people in on it. It could be that your friend is just very insecure of her own self, weight included, so what she is doing is trying to draw attnetion that might be negative away from herself and direct it towards another target.



GunnDancer,

You brought back a memory of mine with your post. I often wondered when I used to hang out with a thin friend of mine, who I mentioned above, if she was hanging out with me or asking me to go out to the bar with her because of my size. I wondered if standing beside me, sitting with me, and being seen with me was something that made her feel better about herself in some odd way. Since she had this obsession with being thin (she was only 5'6 and 110 lbs and bulimic), that my size and stature made her feel thinner*shrugs*. 

I also know that she liked hanging out with me because I was confident, not scared to talk to people, and geniunely could hold a conversation longer than 2 minutes of shallow thin hello chat    

Tara


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## Tarella (Dec 17, 2005)

Tarella said:


> GunnDancer,
> 
> Since she had this obsession with being thin (she was only 5'6 and 110 lbs and bulimic), that my size and stature made her feel thinner*shrugs*.
> 
> Tara




Oh my apologies for the horrendous grammar*hides head for flying chairs*


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## LarryTheShiveringChipmunk (Dec 17, 2005)

all i have to say is

EUWWW STICKS

hehe just had to get that off my chest


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## Fallen Angel (Dec 17, 2005)

ThatFatGirl said:


> Wow.. you're not who I thought you were either. I'm so confused.
> 
> I'd set your "friend" straight, but then I've never been one to sit back and keep my mouth closed.



I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was! What are you confused about?


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## The Nutcracker (Dec 17, 2005)

Fallen Angel said:


> I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was! What are you confused about?



I'm not ThatFatGirl, but since you said you were DerekFA's girlfriend, I thought you were a woman named Melissa who used to have a paysite and go by the stage name of Marilyn. But you say your name is Jessica . . . .


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## GunnDancer (Dec 17, 2005)

Tarella said:


> Oh my apologies for the horrendous grammar*hides head for flying chairs*



No worries Tarella! *pats her head lightly.* But in all seriousness I think most of the people that say hurt ful things when their friends are nearby or could be affected are really just insecure themselves and need to find a way to redirect their insecurities. It happens all he time, sadly.


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## Carrie (Dec 17, 2005)

I think you should inform your friend with a very serious expression on your face that medical studies have recently proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that obesity is a highly contagious disease, hence the whole fattening of America thing. 

And then sneeze on her.


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## ConnieLynn (Dec 18, 2005)

I have profiles posted in a number of places online, and I often get fat hate mail. I just can't see why anyone cares enough to send it. Invariably it comes from young thin women, who are the nastiest, or older "Dom" types questioning my sexuality because I am too fat. Finally it gets to the point where I come out and address it in each of my profiles. I just thought I'd share a couple of my responses with you.

There are an ignorant few out there who seem to think it is appropriate to send ranting messages about my fatness. I wonder why you all think it is any of your concern? Do you fear fat, intelligent, confident Women? I've had 300 messages in the last week from gentlemen on this site. Hmmm, that's a boy for each pound. If that shocks you, perhaps it is time to open your minds, or at least keep your unasked for, less than civil, comments to yourselves.​
And to you girls sending fat hate mail: I wonder why you all think it is any of your concern? Do you fear fat, intelligent, confident Women? Afraid you're losing men to gals with miles of curves? Don't worry darlings, we'll leave you the leftovers  Needless to say, rude or idiotic emails are just going to be ignored.​
My point? Some people are threatened by confident fat women. How dare we be happy with ourselves, accept our sexuality, and do things that only skinny girls should be allowed to do? It is oh so easy to post an email or say something in a blog with no real world consequences. I'm sure none of the gals that send me hate mail would have the gall to look me in the eye and spout off. I personally make it a point to respond whenever I see anti-fat propaganda. If your friend's blog is public and has a comments section, you should leave a calm, logical response. Real friends tell each other when they are WRONG


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## exile in thighville (Dec 18, 2005)

Fallen Angel said:


> A friend of mine just posted this in her blog and I'm wondering how I should respond to her? (It's a public entry, hence the re-posting)
> 
> "I dislike how obese a society the US has become.
> 
> ...



what a bizarre post. maybe she should shut up and not look if she's sick of the "obese" world's "giant fat breasts". what does it say about them? what does a post like this say about a shallow jerk who no doubt knows plenty of fat people among her family and friends, and not only thinks she's being funny/original/insightful by pointing out how disgusted she is with them on the outside, but taunts them for being disease-prone? i don't care that she has an opinion like this, but let her know what an insensitive idiot she is for posting this on a blog that she knows at least one fat person reads.


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## Fallen Angel (Dec 18, 2005)

ConnieLynn said:


> I have profiles posted in a number of places online, and I often get fat hate mail. I just can't see why anyone cares enough to send it. Invariably it comes from young thin women, who are the nastiest, or older "Dom" types questioning my sexuality because I am too fat. Finally it gets to the point where I come out and address it in each of my profiles. I just thought I'd share a couple of my responses with you.
> 
> There are an ignorant few out there who seem to think it is appropriate to send ranting messages about my fatness. I wonder why you all think it is any of your concern? Do you fear fat, intelligent, confident Women? I've had 300 messages in the last week from gentlemen on this site. Hmmm, that's a boy for each pound. If that shocks you, perhaps it is time to open your minds, or at least keep your unasked for, less than civil, comments to yourselves.​
> And to you girls sending fat hate mail: I wonder why you all think it is any of your concern? Do you fear fat, intelligent, confident Women? Afraid you're losing men to gals with miles of curves? Don't worry darlings, we'll leave you the leftovers  Needless to say, rude or idiotic emails are just going to be ignored.​
> My point? Some people are threatened by confident fat women. How dare we be happy with ourselves, accept our sexuality, and do things that only skinny girls should be allowed to do? It is oh so easy to post an email or say something in a blog with no real world consequences. I'm sure none of the gals that send me hate mail would have the gall to look me in the eye and spout off. I personally make it a point to respond whenever I see anti-fat propaganda. If your friend's blog is public and has a comments section, you should leave a calm, logical response. Real friends tell each other when they are WRONG



ConnieLynn,
Those are awesome =) You win my hero of the day award!


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## Fallen Angel (Dec 18, 2005)

The Nutcracker said:


> I'm not ThatFatGirl, but since you said you were DerekFA's girlfriend, I thought you were a woman named Melissa who used to have a paysite and go by the stage name of Marilyn. But you say your name is Jessica . . . .



Yes, my name is Jessica and yes, *I* was Derek's girlfriend. I know many of you know/ are friends with... her and I did not come to these boards to start trouble. I simply came here to meet as many of his friends as I could. 

Thank you to the 99% of you who have been understanding and caring!


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## Boteroesque Babe (Dec 18, 2005)

Fallen Angel,

I don't know the situation, and I'm going to assume you mean no harm. You are, of course, welcome here, but when referring to Melissa, I'd ask that you do so with a bit more respect and kindness. She's already been through quite a lot.

Thank you.


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## saucywench (Dec 18, 2005)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> Fallen Angel,
> 
> I don't know the situation, and I'm going to assume you mean no harm. You are, of course, welcome here, but when referring to Melissa, I'd ask that you do so with a bit more respect and kindness. She's already been through quite a lot.
> 
> Thank you.


 
Heya, BB,

My radar has been up ever since this train rolled into Dimtown a few days ago. I have sat in silence, behaving myself, until now. 

I don't know her intentions, either, but I believe them to be highly suspect, and neither honorable nor innocent. I'm going back to keeping my mouth shut about it, though. Suffice to say, if she had been Derek's girlfriend we would have known about her before now.


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## la_fille_dodue (Dec 19, 2005)

you have more than one person to apologise to sweetheart...


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## tankgirl (Dec 19, 2005)

Nothing to resemble on topic, but you should *see* this after it's been edited so many times...

@[email protected]

Wondering what the hell happened, I am. o.o
But, I figure, sokay, it's been edited to be nice- so either Conrad took his BoardScythe of Doom out and did some cutting of his own, or it was edited by the original posters because it's okay (or if not okay, over with).... I dunno. But it's kinda funny lookin from here.

*is all back of the bus an shit*


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 22, 2005)

Jack Skellington said:


> Sounds like she has BSBW syndrome.
> 
> Women should be proud of their breasts. Breasts are beautiful. A gift from the Gods. If breasts were more loved and appreciated the world would be a much happier and safer place.




I agree. Breasts are wonderful.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 22, 2005)

Carrie said:


> I think you should inform your friend with a very serious expression on your face that medical studies have recently proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that obesity is a highly contagious disease, hence the whole fattening of America thing.
> 
> And then sneeze on her.




Carrie, keep talking like that and you will be an unofficial member of the fat acceptance movement.


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## Carrie (Dec 22, 2005)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> Carrie, keep talking like that and you will be an unofficial member of the fat acceptance movement.



What do I have to do to be official? Is there some kind of hazing ceremony?


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## Jes (Dec 22, 2005)

There's a donut ring-toss and...I can't really get further into it than that, sorry.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 23, 2005)

Carrie said:


> What do I have to do to be official? Is there some kind of hazing ceremony?



Attend a BBW event. Even better, join Capital NAAFA and become a member. www.capitalnaafa.org


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## Carrie (Dec 23, 2005)

Jes said:


> There's a donut ring-toss and...I can't really get further into it than that, sorry.



PuhLEEZ, Jes. You've "hazed" me one too many times. I'm not falling for it again. 

I still have to make my court date for the last time.


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## Carrie (Dec 23, 2005)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> Attend a BBW event. Even better, join Capital NAAFA and become a member. www.capitalnaafa.org



You're a crafty one, Emory.


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## Jes (Dec 29, 2005)

Carrie said:


> PuhLEEZ, Jes. You've "hazed" me one too many times. I'm not falling for it again.
> 
> I still have to make my court date for the last time.



Listen, he didn't LOOK like he was 14 years old, ok? Cut me a break, man.


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