# Thread for the single people!



## moonvine (Oct 12, 2005)

I have seen an awful lot of threads for couples, so how about a thread for the single people?

Lets share our frustrations and the best "hunting grounds" we have found.

I have had a little luck at okcupid.com (which is free) and I have gotten a lot of nice emails from http://personals.ufies.org/home.html Unfortunately I have never met anyone from that site - they all seem to get scared away before I actually meet them.

I used to think a good year was one when I had at least one date, but I did have a boyfriend for 3 months this year, so I think I have met my quota for the next 30 years or so!

I never had *this* many problems before moving to Texas, so I'm not sure if it is because I am older, because I am fatter, or because I live in Austin. 

So, who else is single and looking, and where have you found to be good places to look?


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## Jes (Oct 12, 2005)

good question!
i've found it hard to meet people in Philly--I'm originally from the midwest and it just seemed easier to talk with people and move to the 'hanging out' stage (with all types of people, not just in dating situations). Here, when I hold doors for people or speak to them in elevators, they often look at me like I'm nuts. Once, a life-long east coast friend told me: Don't you get it? We don't WANT to talk to strangers on the street!!! Well, that's at odds with my suburban midwestern upbringing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a crazy, chatty hayseed, but I can't just walk down the street and pretend no one else exists. The smiles or the 'hello's have to come out some time. 
So that's a long-winded way of saying: i ain't havin' much luck, which is why I can post to this thread! 
Jes


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## Carrie (Oct 12, 2005)

Anyone providing advice in this thread that actually helps me to meet a good man can have my firstborn. 





I'm kidding.





*No, I'm not. *

.


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## Jack Skellington (Oct 12, 2005)

moonvine said:


> So, who else is single and looking, and where have you found to be good places to look?



Haven't a clue. No one in my area is into the same things I am and I'm really not into looking online.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 12, 2005)

I'm a chronic work-a-holic so I never meet anybody. So far I've found the dating ritual to be a disappointment for the most part. I guess I just don't know how to play.


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## moonvine (Oct 12, 2005)

Jack Skellington said:


> Haven't a clue. No one in my area is into the same things I am and I'm really not into looking online.



I don't think I have met anyone in a way other than online in ...gosh....10 years? More?


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## SocialbFly (Oct 12, 2005)

I had NOOOOOO luck with eharmony, cause i don't think they include a section for not only size but lack of character in some men that cant see past size...oh did i say that out loud?? ok, that being said, i have had some luck with tango wire, they have several linked sites that include bbw hearts big gorgeous women and i don't know what else, oh wait, overweight date too...i have met a couple of nice guys from there, a couple of butts too, but hey, that is the chance you take eh? i also didn't have any luck with yahoo dating sites, because again, no place to write that i am fat, and since that is a huge problem to some men, it is an issue. 

so, try tango wire, i have had some good luck with them, let us know how ya do?!


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## moonvine (Oct 12, 2005)

SocialbFly said:


> so, try tango wire, i have had some good luck with them, let us know how ya do?!




I actually have a Tango Wire affiliate (http://bbwpersonalads.net/) and when I initially signed up ...3 years ago? I did get a few dates through them. I have not had anyone interested in me there (that I would be interested in) in well over a year though.


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## ValentineBBW (Oct 12, 2005)

Carrie said:


> Anyone providing advice in this thread that actually helps me to meet a good man can have my firstborn.
> 
> 
> 
> ...






I SO agree


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## Moonchild (Oct 12, 2005)

Carrie said:


> Anyone providing advice in this thread that actually helps me to meet a good man can have my firstborn.



Hmm... If a dude suggests himself, and it turns out to actually be good advice, and you marry and have a kid, then you really get outta that one.

Personally, I've been single my entire life. Been on, uh... (counts on fingers... carry the six) three dates in my life, which, as you can conclude, didn't work out.

How can this be? you ask. Well, I haven't _quite_ narrowed it down yet, but I suspect the following are at work:

- My inability to respond outwardly to emotion
- My near inablility to be attracted to anyone who isn't already my friend, and thus fail to respond for fear of breaking down what already exists
- My badass metalhead look is just way too much for anyone to handle  

Although I seriously do suspect the last point plays a small part, I'm unwilling to change that at present, so I'll grit my teeth and take it on the chin if it comes to it.

Only within the past couple months has my singleness been really beating down on me for the first time. But I suppose it's a passing phase.


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## The Fat Man (Oct 12, 2005)

Carrie said:


> Anyone providing advice in this thread that actually helps me to meet a good man can have my firstborn.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Flip "nice lady" in there in place of "good man" and I'll second that motion. lol


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## Obesus (Oct 13, 2005)

But the singleosity does get pretty dang annoying after awhile! I broke up with my wife just about seven years ago and now that I am pretty much in the position of being the "Burl Ives" of Industrial music...i.e. 55, fat and workaholic, I am not terribly optimistic. I do get out when we do shows (My ex-wife and I still perform music and performance artuch around Frisco), but everyone I see is probably 30 years younger then me...yikes. Hope springs eternal though....my wittiness does net me at least a conversation here and there and about!


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## ClashCityRocker (Oct 13, 2005)

hmm, a thread for us single folks...not bad. i guess that's all there is to be said on the matter...single...and looking, i suppose.

aaorn£


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## Single26Female (Oct 13, 2005)

I don't think I even want to touch this topic. 

Tonight is more difficult than most; I'm not sure why...

I'm ok with being single most of the time...but tonight, it hurts a little bit.

Hope you are all well.


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## Single26Female (Oct 13, 2005)

Carrie said:


> Anyone providing advice in this thread that actually helps me to meet a good man can have my firstborn.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I just have to say that I love your signature. Office Space is an AWESOME movie!


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## Carrie (Oct 13, 2005)

Moonchild said:


> Hmm... If a dude suggests himself, and it turns out to actually be good advice, and you marry and have a kid, then you really get outta that one.



Nahh.... he'll be putty in my hands by then.


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## Carrie (Oct 13, 2005)

ValentineBBW said:


> I SO agree



Sounds like we need to start a support group.


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## Carrie (Oct 13, 2005)

The Fat Man said:


> Flip "nice lady" in there in place of "good man" and I'll second that motion. lol



But I don't want to marry a nice lady!!! 




Oh. You meant for you.


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## Carrie (Oct 13, 2005)

Single26Female said:


> I don't think I even want to touch this topic.
> 
> Tonight is more difficult than most; I'm not sure why...
> 
> ...



I know exactly what you mean.... sometimes it just sneaks up on you. Hope you're feeling better today.




(And thanks re. my sig - one of my favorite movies.  )


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## Trisha (Oct 13, 2005)

I'm not single anymore...can I play anyway?

Believe me when I say that I have had personal ads on damn near all the sites I could find...here's a list of a few I've tried...


Dimensions Matching System...met a few nice guys there, never in real life since they lived way far away. But, I got a couple good chat buddies from it. And it's FREE!!

www.generous.net Specifically for fat folks...again, a few hits, but none IRL. It's free!

www.sexyads.net This is definately an 'adult' site, with most of the people looking for sexual encounters over long term relationships. But, there _are_ people there looking for true love, if you only have the patience to weed out the horndogs. Very size friendly, even have a Lovin' Large chatroom I still hang out in from time to time. I've met a couple of guys IRL and had positive experiences. Basic membership is free, you can only send messages if someone sends you one first if you are just a basic member. You have the chance to send tickles to folks who interest you, and if they're a VIP they can write to you.

www.lindasbigconnections.com Totally free personals. This site is based in the Chicago area but they get ads from all over. Linda also holds BBW dances every month. Good site, nice message board.

www.bbwdatefinder.com I tried it but wasn't too thrilled with it. Free to have an ad, but really no way to contact someone unless they contact you first. Only paying members can email.

www.okcupid.com Someone already mentioned this place, I tried it but had no luck. Free, I think. 

And of course, Yahoo! Personals....where I met my sweetie....not the best site and as mentioned, not too size-friendly, but the headline of my ad was "Fat Girls Are Harder To Kidnap" so I'm hoping it was obvious I'm a big girl! Free to have an ad, have to subscribe to send messages, but I took a chance and paid for a month and that's when I met my boyfriend. Yahoo! works sometimes!!

Hope all this information helps someone....online dating can be nuts but sometimes it works!


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## moonvine (Oct 13, 2005)

Hi Trisha,

Glad to hear things worked out for you. I've tried most of those places. No desire to post anything at sexyads (I have enough people bug me for sex as it is without encouraging even one more, and sites like that just repel me). It is great that Linda has free personal ads, but most of the people are in the northeast, and I'm in Texas. We used to have a lady who did free personal ads for people in Texas, but there weren't many male ones, and she closed up shop a couple of years ago.

I've been looking for more than 10 years now, and I'm getting pretty close to the point where I'm resigning myself to being alone (NOT lonely) for the rest of my life. I'm going to be 39 tomorrow, and I'm just weary of looking. Everything else in my life is great, so no real complaints. 

I'm not whining, so I hope no one takes it that way. It just is what it is.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Oct 13, 2005)

OK I'm not single but I do have some advice for the folks in the NY/NJ area. I met hubby when we both lived in NJ at a dance for big folk. I also was involved in the NJ - South Jersey and Philly NAAFA groups. There are lots of groups for dances in the NY/NJ/PA area. Met lots of nice people at the NAAFA events and they know all the social events in their areas.

For the person who lives in Philly - I used to love to go to South Street on the weekends. I met the most interesting (and sometimes strange but always fun) people there. 

That's my 2 cents for what it's worth.


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## ValentineBBW (Oct 13, 2005)

Carrie said:


> Sounds like we need to start a support group.



LOL I think so too. We've got at least 2 members, do we need 3 to consider it a group?


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## ATrueFA (Oct 13, 2005)

I'm now 51 and still single, never married and not by choice. Its just been so hard for me to meet bbws that are looking for real relationships. I met my last girlfriend in the Dimensions chat room and the one before that in the Dimensions printed magazine and it had been several years between having girlfriends. At one time I'd had ads in more than a dozen online bbw personals sites and I wasted money for 6 months at that super rippoff eharmony. They have no way to specify that you prefer larger ladies and they always try and match women with guys at least 2" taller and being that I am short that doesn't leave to many matches for me. Never got to meet even 1 lady from eharmony in 6 months. I live in a small town and there are few oppertunities to meet singles here. Everytime I find someone online to chat with they always live thousands of miles away and are not interested in anything long distance and after the experiences I've had with LDRs I am not keen on one again either. I am in a position that would make it hard for me to move for someone so I also do not expect someone to want to move for me either. It seems I am going to end up being "the eccentric old man with cats".

Dave


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Oct 13, 2005)

ValentineBBW said:


> LOL I think so too. We've got at least 2 members, do we need 3 to consider it a group?



It seems to me - there are a lot of single people here and a group would be a really good idea. Why not set up a regular chat time or something. You never know when lightening will hit.

Good luck to you all. I _knew_ right before I met hubby I was gonna be alone for the rest of my life. LOL - that'll teach me. I was 31 he was 39. 13 years later he is still the love of my life and worth waiting for.

Sandie Z


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Oct 13, 2005)

All the folks living in NY/NJ/CT/RI/MA are very lucky because there is a very active BBW singles scene in the Northeast. I can't say the same for MD/DC/VA. 

I would love to meet someone who is a match physically, spiritually and intellectually--who lives within an hour of me. Many of the big women in this area seem to have their guard up when you approach them. I've met some nice girls on other states, but most women seem to want a man who lives right around the corner. Also it would be nice to find someone who isn't screwed up emotionally and doesn't come with a bunch of kids.

It's not easy in this day and age.


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## Cynthia (Oct 13, 2005)

Frankly, I'm not keen on the SA social arena. There's a vast gender imbalance at most events, the racial politics are weird, and people aren't always particularly friendly to newcomers. (That's not to say that some folks aren't pleasant and welcoming.) 

Lately, however, I've been going to occasional mainstream social mixers and having an absolutely terrific time. Sure, there's the risk of running into someone fat-phobic, but so far I've had no problems whatsoever, even though many of the events I attend attract health food nuts, hikers, etc. I'm finding, in fact, that the lively, interesting experiences are refreshing and certainly worth the risk.


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## Jes (Oct 13, 2005)

ATrueFA said:


> It seems I am going to end up being "the eccentric old man with cats".
> 
> Dave




are the cats fat, at least?


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## Zoom (Oct 13, 2005)

I've never done well with any of the "date finder" sites I've tried, mainly because they aren't the kind that cater to FAs and BBWs. I insist on going for something mainstream if possible (because us FAs/BBWs are entitled to the same treatment as anyone else!). In fact, there should be only one dating website in the entire world, so anyone without a date will be using that service, which would make finding one much easier. (Yeah, I know, monopolies and all that.)

I don't think any dating service, even fat-friendly ones, can help me though, because I don't drive and have a very low income, and these are huge turnoffs to most BBWs (and skinny girls, for that matter).


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## ataraxia (Oct 13, 2005)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> All the folks living in NY/NJ/CT/RI/MA are very lucky because there is a very active BBW singles scene in the Northeast. I can't say the same for MD/DC/VA.


Oh man, you said it. I used to live in Herndon. The DC area is so unfriendly - everyone is too busy, won't make eye contact, won't answer you if you talk to them. Plus, a very large percentage doesn't speak English anyway. I lived in the same apartment for 4 years and never met any of my neighbors. Give me nice friendly Pittsburgh any time.


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## ATrueFA (Oct 13, 2005)

Jes said:


> are the cats fat, at least?



Yes, Stinky is about 20 lbs 


Dave


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## moonvine (Oct 14, 2005)

Awwwww, Stinky is so cute! Is he really....you know, stinky? Hehe.


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## MissToodles (Oct 14, 2005)

Cynthia said:


> Frankly, I'm not keen on the SA social arena. There's a vast gender imbalance at most events, the racial politics are weird, and people aren't always particularly friendly to newcomers. (That's not to say that some folks aren't pleasant and welcoming.)
> 
> .



Cynthia, out of curiosity, what do you mean weird racial politics? This post is not accusatory just want to know. I've never been to a dance, so I am unaware of these things.


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## ATrueFA (Oct 14, 2005)

moonvine said:


> Awwwww, Stinky is so cute! Is he really....you know, stinky? Hehe.


Actually he is not. When I got him as a kitten from a shelter he was sick and it was a 3 hour drive home and during that time he had crapped all over himself in the carrier and by the time I got him home the smell was unbearable. He even had it in his ears. Hence the name. Was fun cleaning him off but fortunately it turns out he likes to be bathed.

Dave


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## moonvine (Oct 14, 2005)

MissToodles said:


> Cynthia, out of curiosity, what do you mean weird racial politics? This post is not accusatory just want to know. I've never been to a dance, so I am unaware of these things.



I am not sure either, but would like to know as well. I have been to dances *shudder*.


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## moonvine (Oct 14, 2005)

ATrueFA said:


> It seems I am going to end up being "the eccentric old man with cats".
> 
> Dave



Yep, I'm going to be the eccentric old lady with cats. I'm starting to embrace it though. I'm up to 9 cats now.


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## eljay (Oct 14, 2005)

My problem is finding a BBW who isn't of the "must be smaller" mindframe... It sucks to be with someone who obviously hates something you love... and it would be nice to find someone who understood it! (I guess i'd be ideally suited to a feedee/foodie, although i don't really class myself as a feeder.)

Having said that I have met a few cool lass's (but not yet The One) on www.datingbbw.co.uk (there is a US version @ www.datingbbw.com i believe). Meeting fat girls in "real life" seems somewhat trixy!


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## Cynthia (Oct 14, 2005)

MissToodles said:


> Cynthia, out of curiosity, what do you mean weird racial politics? This post is not accusatory just want to know. I've never been to a dance, so I am unaware of these things.



Gosh, you really have to just attend a dance and interpret the cultural dynamics for yourself. Its nothing bad  just amusing. Im afraid Ill be stepping into quicksand (or something a bit more odiferous) if I attempt to answer this one.


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## Phalloidium (Oct 23, 2005)

I'm enjoying my current singleness. I'm so not ready to settle down. That, and I don't want the distraction at this point in my life!


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## Carrie (Oct 23, 2005)

Phalloidium said:


> I'm enjoying my current singleness. I'm so not ready to settle down. That, and I don't want the distraction at this point in my life!



I, on the other hand, could really use some distraction right about now.


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## moonvine (Oct 23, 2005)

Carrie said:


> I, on the other hand, could really use some distraction right about now.



I would not mind a lil distraction myself.


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## BBWMoon (Oct 23, 2005)

ATrueFA said:


> Yes, Stinky is about 20 lbs
> 
> 
> Dave




Nice Picture of "SCOUT" Dave...  

hugs


~Allie


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## Phalloidium (Oct 23, 2005)

Carrie said:


> I, on the other hand, could really use some distraction right about now.



Oh, distraction now and then is great. It's just some people don't like to let go...


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## Carrie (Oct 23, 2005)

Phalloidium said:


> Oh, distraction now and then is great. It's just some people don't like to let go...



GOD. I'm obeying the restraining order - let it drop, will you?


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## Michelle (Oct 23, 2005)

Carrie said:


> GOD. I'm obeying the restraining order - let it drop, will you?


 
Carrie, you're a funny lady.


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## Phalloidium (Oct 23, 2005)

Carrie said:


> GOD. I'm obeying the restraining order - let it drop, will you?



What? A woman restraining herself around me? 

*writes in journal*


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## Carrie (Oct 23, 2005)

Michelle said:


> Carrie, you're a funny lady.



Why, thank you, Michelle.


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## Carrie (Oct 23, 2005)

Phalloidium said:


> What? A woman restraining herself around me?
> 
> *writes in journal*



Okay, you got me. I giggled.


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## Phalloidium (Oct 23, 2005)

Carrie said:


> Okay, you got me. I giggled.



*smiles*

I have my charming moments.


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## Jes (Oct 23, 2005)

moonvine said:


> I would not mind a lil distraction myself.




I'm mastering distracting myself.


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