# Ok, Why does it seem all the FAs want SSBBW in private?



## Wannabefatgirl (Dec 11, 2007)

Ok, So far I have seen mant FAS who say they want to fatten us up. etc, But don't want us in public? I mean if I am a SSBBW I want to be wanted all the time! Am I wrong?????


----------



## Zoom (Dec 11, 2007)

It's kind of like asking "why don't all the BBWs/SSBBWs wear two-piece bikinis to the beach?" Not all FAs are fully comfortable yet with the idea of liking the bigger woman, and those not very much so may wish to keep matters as secret as they can.

Took me years to get over that and be able to appreciate BBWs in public.


----------



## Wannabefatgirl (Dec 11, 2007)

ok, I can see that, but I will tell you honestly, when I find the "RIGHT: FA I would gladly wear a bikini for him/her even at 700!!


----------



## Judge_Dre (Dec 11, 2007)

Wannabefatgirl said:


> ok, I can see that, but I will tell you honestly, when I find the "RIGHT: FA I would gladly wear a bikini for him/her even at 700!!



When that day comes can you inform us at Dimensions so we can go to the beach that day?


----------



## Wannabefatgirl (Dec 11, 2007)

Well. Are you willing to help me reach that goal, and have mea s yours? It works two ways!


----------



## AnnMarie (Dec 11, 2007)

Wannabefatgirl said:


> Well. Are you willing to help me reach that goal, and have mea s yours? It works two ways!




You need to stop soliciting for "help"... this is not a personals site, it's not permitted. 

/moderator


----------



## swedishiron (Dec 11, 2007)

It is way more common to see a BBW/SSBBW state off the bat they aren't interested in big men period ! At least you know men that come do this site are interested in plus size women but what a slap in the face it is to read in chat or on a BBW/SSBBWs profile that big men need not apply. I have to wonder what the reaction would be if i went into chat and stated that I do not like BBW/SSBBWs.


----------



## Totmacher (Dec 11, 2007)

Wannabefatgirl said:


> Ok, So far I have seen mant FAS who say they want to fatten us up. etc, But don't want us in public? I mean if I am a SSBBW I want to be wanted all the time! Am I wrong?????



I dunno where you find your guys, but I haven't seen that kind of immaturity in ages.


----------



## Wannabefatgirl (Dec 11, 2007)

I am sorry I did not understand that my asking for help would be taken as a "personal ad" That was not my intent. I just wanted help in what I should do. I did not know where to go to ask. Sorry......


----------



## Wannabefatgirl (Dec 11, 2007)

Gosh, it is all over! I have been hurt and mis-lead so many times! In private it is ok, but when I mention lets go to....it is like "Let's Not"!!!!!


----------



## Loki (Dec 11, 2007)

I would say that for a lot of guys who turn out to be FA's (if not all, though I'm just speaking from personal experience here) it takes a while to feel comfortable enough with our own thoughts, feelings, and opinions to not only express them publicly, but to get someone else involved when it comes to expressing those feelings.

I'm definitely not an "old guy" by any stretch of the imagination (let's say lower end of my 20's), but I've known how I've felt about BBW's (and SSBBW's, for that matter) for a few years now. I feel comfortable with where I stand and don't really have a problem with publicly showing attraction to larger women like I know I used to.

I would think that a decent portion of the guys who experience that introverted phase eventually develop out of it, it's just a matter of being comfortable in your own skin. And this is coming from a guy who is generally exceptionally private about the personal details of his life when it comes to real life, where anonymity isn't an option.


Also, this thread really didn't seem like a personal to me, but that's just me.


----------



## Wannabefatgirl (Dec 11, 2007)

Gosh, I wish I could find them! They all have seemed to like me in private but no way go "Out on the Town"!


----------



## Loki (Dec 12, 2007)

Probably just depends on the sort you're dealing with, really. You probably won't find someone who's all that self-actualised and yet gives a whole Hell of a lot of consideration to the mob rule over what they should think.

Or I'm just being misanthropic.


----------



## Jay West Coast (Dec 12, 2007)

There are plenty of out and about FA's. Just keep looking.

But don't be surprised if he still wants you in "private" too.


----------



## Loki (Dec 12, 2007)

Jay West Coast said:


> There are plenty of out and about FA's. Just keep looking.
> 
> But don't be surprised if he still wants you in "private" too.



i c wut u did thar


----------



## Wannabefatgirl (Dec 12, 2007)

Now ther will be enough of me to go around!!!!


----------



## BigCutieAriel (Dec 12, 2007)

I say a guy who isnt man enough to be seen with you in public isnt worth your time in private if you truely like big women you shouldnt be affraid or hide it because who should care what anyone else thinks as long as your happy  My motto like me all the time everywhere or dont like me at all no hidden closet for me lol


----------



## LongTimeFA (Dec 12, 2007)

Wannabefatgirl said:


> Ok, So far I have seen mant FAS who say they want to fatten us up. etc, But don't want us in public? I mean if I am a SSBBW I want to be wanted all the time! Am I wrong?????



No you are not wrong. Don't waste your time with anyone who is so shallow that they do not want to be seen with you. (Like what are you? Some kind of private toy or something?) My greatest dream is to go "out on the town" with my SSBBW lover/partner. In fact, the majority of my attraction to large women can be attributed to her showing off her confidence and beauty in public. I would be proud to be with her.


----------



## k1009 (Dec 12, 2007)

I can only conclude that a number of men look at fat as a fetish and are determined to treat it that way. It's not healthy but there you go, it's hardly healthy for the bloke who likes crossdressing to lock that part of him away forever and most of them do. I can't say I've ever come across a guy who prefers skinny women who'll say he can't get them skinny enough. What does this tell me? I honestly don't know, but as usual when it comes to FAs and topics of size I am confused. And hungry.

And are you really a woman looking to be fattened up? Your posts seem kind of trollish.


----------



## Jes (Dec 12, 2007)

swedishiron said:


> It is way more common to see a BBW/SSBBW state off the bat they aren't interested in big men period ! At least you know men that come do this site are interested in plus size women but what a slap in the face it is to read in chat or on a BBW/SSBBWs profile that big men need not apply. I have to wonder what the reaction would be if i went into chat and stated that I do not like BBW/SSBBWs.



probably the same thing that happens to all of the thin women who are part of Dims (for their own reasons, or b/c they like fat partners) who read lots and lots of shitty comments about angular, bony, stuck up anorectic women. It DOES cut both ways, and it sucks.

That said, I don't tend to find fat men as attractive as thinner men. It's reality. I can't change that, though I certainly have found men of varying body types attractive. If you're getting people being abusive to you b/c of your weight, that is absolutely wrong. If you're getting people saying you aren't their preference, then that's life. Hang out at the BHM board where your size and looks are praised beyond measure.


----------



## abel (Dec 12, 2007)

If you go out shopping or anywhere, there are zillions of couples where the woman is fat.

I'm sure at least a good proportion of these men like their partner as they are. So in that sense being an open FA is not that unusual. 

Men for the most part like curves, and at least don't mind fatness. At least that's what I suspect.


----------



## Ernest Nagel (Dec 12, 2007)

Most people, not just most men, derive a large degree of their self-worth from external approval. In the long run that may actually have some affirmative civilizing advantages but it also traps us into conforming to a lot of artificial and sometimes unreasonable standards. Men are somewhat societally conditioned from birth to view women as property, which like any other commodity is valued according to laws of supply and demand. Supply and demand of course is largely a function of perceptions. Understanding this allows you to "manipulate" the market. Both the FA and the BBW can affect this perception quite easily; the FA by visibly and publicly demonstrating his admiration for you, and you by both expecting and owning that admiration. All it takes it two to tango. 

Or you can just accept the stunting and mindlessly unsatisfying valuations of the _status quo_. JMO.


----------



## Paw Paw (Dec 12, 2007)

I think that a "man" who pretty much hides his lady, is living a lie. He is not truly what he says (or thinks) he is. The only other reason I can see this is that you are not the only one he is with.

If I am not into a woman because of her size, or lack of, I am not interested. Therefore, I would not be with her at the house, and then not go out in public. It is not fair or right.

If you are good enough for me to lay up with, then you are good enough to go to the park or wherever. I aint gonna walk ahead, or behind. I will hold your hand, pat your ass, whatever.

Find a MAN. One who will go anywhere with you. And grin like an idiot. Believe me, he is out there.

That is my 2cts. for what it is worth.

Peace,
2P.


----------



## Jes (Dec 12, 2007)

abel said:


> Men for the most part like curves, and at least don't mind fatness. At least that's what I suspect.



have you dated (or tried to date) a lot of men, Abel?


----------



## Jes (Dec 12, 2007)

Ernest Nagel said:


> Most people, not just most men, derive a large degree of their self-worth from external approval. In the long run that may actually have some affirmative civilizing advantages but it also traps us into conforming to a lot of artificial and sometimes unreasonable standards. Men are somewhat societally conditioned from birth to view women as property, which like any other commodity is valued according to laws of supply and demand. Supply and demand of course is largely a function of perceptions. Understanding this allows you to "manipulate" the market. Both the FA and the BBW can affect this perception quite easily; the FA by visibly and publicly demonstrating his admiration for you, and you by both expecting and owning that admiration. All it takes it two to tango.
> 
> Or you can just accept the stunting and mindlessly unsatisfying valuations of the _status quo_. JMO.



Dude, you just won the Asperger's Olympics! I'm serious! well done.


----------



## FaxMachine1234 (Dec 12, 2007)

Ernest Nagel said:


> Most people, not just most men, derive a large degree of their self-worth from external approval. In the long run that may actually have some affirmative civilizing advantages but it also traps us into conforming to a lot of artificial and sometimes unreasonable standards. Men are somewhat societally conditioned from birth to view women as property, which like any other commodity is valued according to laws of supply and demand. Supply and demand of course is largely a function of perceptions. Understanding this allows you to "manipulate" the market. Both the FA and the BBW can affect this perception quite easily; the FA by visibly and publicly demonstrating his admiration for you, and you by both expecting and owning that admiration. All it takes it two to tango.



Yeah, you knew this was gonna fly well. What 21st century woman doesn't like to be thought of as a man's object, and especially one with a price tag?


----------



## abel (Dec 12, 2007)

Jes said:


> have you dated (or tried to date) a lot of men, Abel?



I'm not gay (of course I have nothing against gays).

I just get the impression that men do like curves on average, and that I am not part of a minority in that respect.


----------



## Jes (Dec 12, 2007)

well...i'm not asking about have you tried being liked by men. i'm asking: have you tried dating them.


not, of course, that you're gay. i'm making a point. what might give a group of people a boner, and what they might act on, are 2 very, very different things. that's all i'm saying. for me, it always comes down to something actionable. that's what I want. I think that's what a tremendous number of fat people at this site want.


----------



## Jes (Dec 12, 2007)

Ekim said:


> Yeah, you knew this was gonna fly well. What 21st century woman doesn't like to be thought of as a man's object, and especially one with a price tag?



No, I'm serious--I think Ernest nailed it right on the head. being able to see this as a series of schemas and transactions really IS the kind of positivistic look that can help answer questions. It is very astute. If y'all want me to bring up Carole Pateman for the 43000th time, I will!


----------



## Butcher (Dec 13, 2007)

Quite frankly it always surprises me when I hear about a lovely BBW or SSBBW who goes out with a FA and said guy is embarassed to be seen with her. The hypocracy makes me mad and it damages the size acceptance movement. I am obviously a FA and I have known it since high school. My friends and family know about it and have met the women whom I've dated and they have ranged from chubby to borderline SSBBW. My family and friends may not totally understand my choice but they accept it, me and them. Now I know some FAs out there are still in the closet thanks to society's view/standards of what beauty is and I keep my fingers crossed that one day they have the courage to step out and walk around a mall arm in arm with their BBW girlfriends. Kiss them full on the lips in a crowded airport. Hold them like there is no tomorrow, letting them know they are truly loved... Until then I can only hope that sites and forums such as this continue on and maybe convince one or two guys now and then to take their girlfriends out on the town or at the very least home to meet the family.

Wannabefatgirl, all single BBWs/SSBBWs of this board, the guys who would take you out do exist. We are out there but until we find you(or you find us) no one who refuses to be seen with you is worth your time.


----------



## abel (Dec 13, 2007)

Jes said:


> well...i'm not asking about have you tried being liked by men. i'm asking: have you tried dating them.
> 
> 
> not, of course, that you're gay. i'm making a point. what might give a group of people a boner, and what they might act on, are 2 very, very different things. that's all i'm saying. for me, it always comes down to something actionable. that's what I want. I think that's what a tremendous number of fat people at this site want.



I'm not sure what you mean by actionable. Do you mean that you wish that men weren't just turned on by fat women but also act on it by asking them out, etc?

If so then that was my point. Men _are _dating and marrying fat women, and _are _out and about with them. Go to any restuarant or tavern or shopping center or amusement park or movie theater. Heck, half the time daughters are fat, nowadays.

What I'm trying to say is that fat women are everywhere and don't seem to be lacking for love or caring or companionship. 

I'd think the SSBBW issue is just a difference of degree. Or is that difference the crux of the discussion here?


----------



## vcrgrrl (Dec 14, 2007)

I definitely wouldn't be involved with someone that doesn't want to be out in public with me. That would be their problem not mine, and I personally wouldn't be able to continue a relationship like that. Don't let someone like that hold you back!


----------



## Jes (Dec 14, 2007)

abel said:


> If so then that was my point. Men _are _dating and marrying fat women, and _are _out and about with them. Go to any restuarant or tavern or shopping center or amusement park or movie theater. Heck, half the time daughters are fat, nowadays.
> ?



to me, this doesn't really hold water as an example of a phenomenon. There's dating someone and then there's staying with/marrying someone. Either partner may change drastically over time. 

I know a lot of women who are married to bald men. When they started dating? Heads full of hair. 

I don't think you can then say: oh, it's totally easy for balding guys to get dates! 

Faulty syllogism, in other words.

Everyone has a different experience but I know a lot of women who are fat, and who lived this experience. That's all I'm saying.


----------



## Chad (Dec 14, 2007)

I just don't care what people say about me loving ssbbws and bbws. I really don't, my own dad doesn't understand why I like bigger girls. He makes his comments, which have gotten progressively better over the years, but hey bbw's are the only women who can "satisfy" me. I don't care! Many FA's starting out, when they realize they like bigger women, are usually skeptical being seen out in public with them. Okay, they are still worried about what their friends, family, and others think. Over time, many of their friends and family will respect their decision, and the FA's will not care anymore. However, if they are still skeptical, say after a year, then they have no confidence and are not worth the time. Now, the only time I will care, is if some random stranger says something to my girl, then I won't get scared, but pissed! So, most new FA's are gonna be like that, give it time, they will learn to love you no matter where you are.


----------



## Jes (Dec 14, 2007)

Chad said:


> . Over time, many of their friends and family will respect their decision, and the FA's will not care anymore. However, if they are still skeptical, say after a year, then they have no confidence and are not worth the time. ... So, most new FA's are gonna be like that, give it time, they will learn to love you no matter where you are.


this may be reality, I'm not saying it's not.

But being with someone for a long time, maybe a year, who can't reciprocate your feelings in some way, for ANY reason, is really too much to ask of a person, in my opinion. 

If I want to feel shamed by people, I can get that in a lot of places. I don't need to date someone to get it. I think that sort of treatment can forever alter a man or woman, in any way it's given (race, belief system, religion, size, sexual orientation). That sort of thing can help turn a person into the 'don't look at me; don't tell me i'm attractive; i'm a fat pig and i hate myself' fattie that everyone here complains about.


----------



## Fletcher Harrison (Dec 14, 2007)

Jes said:


> Dude, you just won the Asperger's Olympics! I'm serious! well done.



Jes you made soda come out of my nose...


----------



## Chad (Dec 14, 2007)

Okay, I'm not saying that it's a general statement of things. I'm just talking about if an FA is gonna be shady with you in public. Yes, Jes that kind of treatment can drive anyone to have low self-esteem. I'm just baseing this off of personal experiences. I was skeptical at first to be seen with a big girl in public, but I realized what I feel about myself is more important than what others feel. I feel that if you love a girl, size doesn't matter. What I meant by not getting over the fact she is big, is that either the FA isn't really an FA or he has no confidence in himself. Most women find fakeness and unconfidence highly unnattractive.


----------



## Ample Pie (Dec 14, 2007)

No, no, no. Everyone has baggage. Everyone has at least one insecurity that comes sneaking around and making things tough. That's life. It doesn't matter that you have baggage or insecurities, only how you handle them. 

To that end and for my own sanity, I will not be anyone's dirty little (or big, as the case may be) secret.


----------



## Still a Skye fan (Dec 14, 2007)

I would happily enjoy the company of any gal wishing to be with me. She could be a size 6 to 26 or whatever...

If I liked her and she liked me, I wouldn't care what her scale said...and yes, she'd be aware of my fondness for larger women.

No need to diet and all that.


Dennis


----------



## goldendiamondeyes (Dec 16, 2007)

Wannabefatgirl said:


> Gosh, I wish I could find them! They all have seemed to like me in private but no way go "Out on the Town"!


_
Please don't be a women who gives yourself up for just anyone. Have self respect. A lot of men will only want you for sex, and If that is what your putting out then why should they want to keep you for other activities? Remember the saying? "Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?" :shocked:  Think a little more of yourself than that....._


----------



## Gspoon (Dec 16, 2007)

I want to show everyone my appreciation of SSBBWs. But we lack SSBBWs here.

Move to San Diego, folks


----------



## vcrgrrl (Dec 16, 2007)

Still a Skye fan said:


> I would happily enjoy the company of any gal wishing to be with me. She could be a size 6 to 26 or whatever...
> 
> If I liked her and she liked me, I wouldn't care what her scale said...and yes, she'd be aware of my fondness for larger women.
> 
> ...



Well said Dennis. That is about the way I feel towards the opposite sex.


----------



## Ruby Ripples (Dec 16, 2007)

swedishiron said:


> It is way more common to see a BBW/SSBBW state off the bat they aren't interested in big men period ! At least you know men that come do this site are interested in plus size women but what a slap in the face it is to read in chat or on a BBW/SSBBWs profile that big men need not apply. I have to wonder what the reaction would be if i went into chat and stated that I do not like BBW/SSBBWs.



What has your comment got to do with this thread? The OP is talking about men who ARE interested in BBW/SSBBW, but won't be seen in public with them/admit to others that they like them. That is absolutely nothing to do with BBW/SSBBW not being physically attracted to fat men. The only way your comment would apply here, would be if a woman wanted you in secret, but was embarrassed to be seen with you in public. Now.. I only have a few yrs experience in this BBW world, but in that time I've heard MANY MANY stories of closet FA men wanting BBWs/SSBBWs in secret, yet not ONE story of a FFA doing the same to a BHM. The majority of people are attracted to slim people physically - fact of life, this applies to BBWs and BHMs, just as it does to anyone else. 

Why is it a slap in the face to you to read that a woman here isnt really into BHMs for a relationship, when I imagine you think it's okay for men here to be not into slim women for a relationship? Your post just seemed to smack of sour grapes and didn't really belong in this thread. 

Confused ...


----------



## toni (Dec 16, 2007)

Wannabefatgirl said:


> Ok, So far I have seen mant FAS who say they want to fatten us up. etc, But don't want us in public? I mean if I am a SSBBW I want to be wanted all the time! Am I wrong?????



NO, you are not wrong, you are 100% right. I see this all over and it makes me sick. It is cruel selfish behavior and I do not understand why we allow it.  Whenever someone claims to be a "FA", I keep my guard up.


----------



## JerseyGirl07093 (Dec 16, 2007)

Gspoon said:


> I want to show everyone my appreciation of SSBBWs. But we lack SSBBWs here.
> 
> Move to San Diego, folks



Maybe that's why on this one site I belong to I keep getting replies from ONLY men in CA. Do all the FA's live there? Maybe they do since I certainly can't seem to find any in NJ.


----------



## Elfcat (Dec 16, 2007)

If I can be accused of anything, it's pushing a SSBBW to be out and active with me. Sometimes it seems a supersize person is faced with whether a given outing is worth the amount of walking, and often I find myself saying that a few sore muscles will heal, but an opportunity missed to see something special might not be remedied for a long time.


----------



## Half Full (Dec 17, 2007)

swedishiron said:


> It is way more common to see a BBW/SSBBW state off the bat they aren't interested in big men period ! At least you know men that come do this site are interested in plus size women but what a slap in the face it is to read in chat or on a BBW/SSBBWs profile that big men need not apply. I have to wonder what the reaction would be if i went into chat and stated that I do not like BBW/SSBBWs.



Conversely, it has been my experience for big men to *assume* I prefer big men because I'm big. I wouldn't discriminate against someone because of their size but we all have our preferences.

You wouldn't be in a BBW/SSBBW chat if that weren't your preference but am I supposed to deny my preferences just because I'm fat?


----------



## bigirlover (Dec 17, 2007)

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> Maybe that's why on this one site I belong to I keep getting replies from ONLY men in CA. Do all the FA's live there? Maybe they do since I certainly can't seem to find any in NJ.



Only in CA? I'm here and looking in NY!


----------



## ibcool510 (Dec 22, 2007)

When I was younger, I was picked on. So, the first SSBBW I went out with, I was sensitive to peoples reactions when we went out in public. Later, I ignored these people to the point that I did not know that they were saying anything although my girlfriend was aware of people talking about her. I no longer let it bother me. It was part of getting out of the thumb of childish people who have nothing better to do than insult others.


----------



## ibcool510 (Dec 22, 2007)

I live in CA, but I'm from Chicago, so could just have easily be attracted to SSBBW there if I had not moved here. Although San Francisco is the perhaps only city to make size discrimination (as well as other things) illegal (I'm not sure of the details as to if it only applies to gov jobs, etc)


----------



## Jes (Dec 22, 2007)

bigirlover said:


> Only in CA? I'm here and looking in NY!



well post your photo, son!


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Dec 22, 2007)

As we all know FA stands for Fat Admirer...which indicates they admire fat. However, FA like BBW means different things to different people. So, you have to ask yourself if you want an FA who will admire you as a fat woman or one who just admires your fat. It's really easy for a guy to say all the right things in private. If that doesn't hold up on a date (which should be in a very public place when meeting anyone for the first time) don't waste your time. The hard part comes when you're really getting into a relationship and they appear to be fine with being with you out in the open but hesitate when the thought of meeting friends and family is brought up. Sadly, I think this is the plight of every fat women searching for love. How do you find the right guy without taking a chance? The only way not to get hurt is to not even try. Hopefully, one special guy will end up being worth all the effort and heartache. As for the players, the abusers, and the too-weak-to-stand-up-to-society guys...well, I'm running out of room for the bodies in my basement but I have a very big back yard.


----------



## Jay West Coast (Dec 24, 2007)

ibcool510 said:


> I live in CA, but I'm from Chicago, so could just have easily be attracted to SSBBW there if I had not moved here. Although San Francisco is the perhaps only city to make size discrimination (as well as other things) illegal (I'm not sure of the details as to if it only applies to gov jobs, etc)



Indeed. San Francisco's size discrimination law must apply to all six fat people in the City. 



Damn you BBW-less city in which I live!


----------



## supersoup (Dec 31, 2007)

i think more guys would prefer super-sized women in person if their penises didn't resemble hotdogs. hell hath no fury like a sex-starved AND hungry fat chick.


----------



## des256 (Jan 1, 2008)

It seems to me that the bigger western countries (USA, Canada, Germany, UK, etc.) have a very active and clearly defined scene for the whole BBW/FA BHM/FFA thing. In other places in the world, this definition hasn't really been made. There, an FA might not be 'educated enough' to even identify himself as FA, he just has the very same issues that everyone has on dates, and simply prefers bigger girls. If he is strong enough, he will choose a BBW not because of her extremely sexy belly, but because of who she is, as you do in a good relationship. He is, to say, not hindered by BBW/FA moral dynamics.

It all comes down to how strong you can be. Not only because you have to stay true to yourself, but very much also because most of the people you are dating are very insecure about many things. You have to see through the insecurities, and try to find the sexy lady beneath. This might require a lot of mental coaching. The first time.. The first time with the lights on.. The first time where you actually liberally enjoy her figure.. The relief that you actually don't mind the way she looks.. The awkwardness of finding out that you actually really like the way she looks.. The first time sexy clothes shopping.. and so on.

What I'm saying is:

- If you like someone, like someone. Everywhere. It doesn't matter what you look like, prefer sexually or what others think.
- Sometimes it's not the FA, but the BBW who, figuratively speaking, wants to keep it private.

Just my late night comments


----------

