# sometimes i think he's figured it out.



## SisterGoldenHair (Jul 9, 2006)

i've been with my boyfriend for over two years now... and during that time, i've baked him countless cakes and cookies, made him dinners, gotten him snacks while he sat on the couch watching tv ("No no honey, don't get up, i was gonna go get a glass of water anyway."), brung him home food from the restaurant i work at (yep, FFA working in food service! hahah)... goodness knows how many hours total i've spent fawning all over him, kissing and patting and hugging his tummy... i haven't exactly skimped on the praise, either...

and though he is a big loveable doofus who, like most guys, couldn't take a hint from a woman if she were holding up a neon sign, i've been seeing more and more signs that it's sinking in...

... that he's figured it out.

for example, he has always been self-deprecating about his physical appearance. he would say things like "i don't get how you look at this and see 'handsome'." or "i never thought you'd go for ugly old me." and i know that he was at least partially fishing for compliments, but he really meant them. he would get this look on his face like he disgusted himself (i know that look, it's been on my own face about a million times). but now, it's pretty obvious that he's fishing for compliments, and the scary thing is that lately it's like he knows exactly what's coming. like now, he's not fishing to see if he'll actually GET a compliment, but he's fishing because he KNOWS he'll get them and he wants to HEAR them. which is quite a progression.

tonight we went out to dinner with my family. this place had GIGANTIC portions. he was one of very few people in that restaurant tonight that finished his whole plate (you could see those red doggie-bags EVERYWHERE, no joke). he was saying stuff to me like "i feel like i won" and "you didn't think i could DO it, did you??" with a big grin on his face.

when we first started going out, of course i would snuggle up next to him and stick my hand up his shirt, resting it on his belly. i can't help it, it's just the way i'm wired. it made him uncomfortable, he even said something to me about it once, it was almost like he thought i was mocking him somehow. and now, he'll lift up his own shirt and place my hand on his tummy _himself_. 

and he's talked to me many times about "working out" and "losing the gut" and "getting deisel" and a "sixpack" and every time i've vehemently protested, telling him i love him the way he is. sometimes he'll try to slip "Healthy" in there, and then i give him long lectures about how fat does not equal unhealthy/thin does not equal healthy, because i know way more about health issues than he does. i managed to get him to start taking a daily multivitamin, because he sure as hell isn't going to eat his veggies.

and sometimes he'll make a joke about it, "i'm going to go to the gym and get ripped and look like John Basedow," (kind of a running joke by now, as i've said many times how freaky i think he looks), and even though i know he's just teasing me i can't stop myself from squealing out a shrill "NO!" and clinging to him. or he'll talk about how maybe he should cut down on the snacks, and i'll just look at him funny and say simply, "why?" and when he can't come up with an answer, i just go "well there we are then." and then ten minutes later he'll ask me to get him some cookies.

and there are other things he's started doing, like how he'll walk into the room doing a silly "sexy dance" for me while pulling up his shirt, or he'll just randomly shake his belly (completely out of nowhere and for no apparent reason), compare us in various ways to Peter and Lois from Family Guy, occasionally ask me to feed him (as in, _put food in his mouth_! lucky me!)... and there are less goofy things too, like when we're cuddling or making out or whatever and he'll ask me for "little kisses", which is what he's started calling me butterfly-kissing his tummy. keep in mind, when we first started dating he wasn't even totally comfortable with me _touching_ his stomach. 

and he's way less shy about stuffing himself in front of me. he'll even make a show of it, patting his tummy and pushing back his chair and making comments, like he did tonight.

all this stuff is exhilerating and at the same time frightening beyond belief... because for all that, i'm still very much a closeted ffa. i have no idea how much he's really guessed. it's impossible to tell. and i keep wondering how he'd react to all this... what he'd think of me... what he'd think of _us_. would he like it? would it offend him? would it just plain freak him out? or would he be indifferent?

no one's ever found me out before.

except for one man.

one of my best friends for ages, whom i dated for a very short time before my current boyfriend (and who i'm still very good friends with). it was an offhand comment, and he never mentioned anything about it again...

we were sitting together, just cuddling and rolling around and being silly... and he apologized for the millionth time that week for "getting fat" (he was still on the skinny side of average, it was completely absurd, i bet he weighed less than me), and i told him for the millionth time that week, saying every word slowly so that he would get it, "(Name), i _dont_, _like_, _*skinny guys*_." and after a slight pause, he starts laughing. he goes, "You're a chubby chaser..." and just keeps giggling, like it amused him and that was it. never brought it up again. i was just startled and didn't reply.

this is different though, i don't know what to think anymore.

::weird::

wow, sorry. that was a whole lot of rambling... don't even know where i was going with all that. just kind of needed to get it out, you know?


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## Skinny_FFA (Jul 10, 2006)

I know this all too well. That behaviour is very familiar to me since my bf knows everything. Its weird at first but I suppose you´ll get used to it. So will he. Although I dont think talking about it bluntly would do any good. Well we talked about it and its a relief not needing to hide anymore but it isnt that exciting like it has been as long as it was my secret. The magic is kind of lost. It is also very embarassing to feel sussed out for the first time. 

It turns me on much more when he´s jiggling around uncounciously then when he´s making a show of it for example. And I know the butterfly-kissing-demanding-thing and the stuffing in front of me as well. I dont like it that much when its intended just to turn me on. The fishing for compliments is something that don´t really works for me. When its *expected* Im not that much willing to give it all. So the whole thing is distractedly contradicting for me sometimes.

But you must be very lucky that he at least doesn´t work against you and your desires. Instead he seems to cooperate well and trying to please you. It could have taken a more unpleasent direction. So I think things are at least working out well for you. So what harm could it do if he figured it out?


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## Jersey79 (Jul 10, 2006)

wow, what I wouldn't give to meet a woman with the same feelings as the two of you...


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## EvaDestruction (Jul 10, 2006)

sister couldnt have explained shit _any _ better.

i personally never reached that point in my last relationship so im still a bit daunted by being "out'ed" by a partner. 

it _*is *_frightening and i cant figure out why :/


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## SisterGoldenHair (Aug 10, 2006)

update!

we were alone at his house like last week or something, and it was too hot to cook, so we ordered out for Chinese. he got, like, a lot of food. i can't remember what we were talking about, but while we're eating, just totally out of nowhere, he's like, "i guess you must like fat guys or something. i bet this is turning you on, isn't it?"
i freaked, but i had enough presence of mind to act cool and calm. i didn't say anything about it. (on a sidenote, it's kind of sad that hiding this has become second nature...)
and he had this sort of weird grin on his face, you know?? the way he said it it was sort of like he was testing the waters. i wished immediately that i would have said something. but how could i? what was i going to say? agh. :doh: but even if i didn't _say_ anything... i kind of answered in other ways... like i sat closer to him and started rubbing his tummy. he got this big thing of fries (yeah, "chinese food" to him is the fried chicken and french fries), and he was like, "wow, i'm stuffed" or something and there was still a lot left, so i was like, "come on now, you're going to let all this go to waste?" and he let me feed him some of the rest of it.

so what does this mean? i mean it looks pretty obvious that he knows... but he could've been joking... and he hasn't said anything like it since. jeez. 

but nothing has really changed. it's not like it's uncomfortable now. maybe it's not so bad if he knows? or at least has some idea. i mean if he could somehow read all this stuff that i post here, that would be different. but maybe him realizing i like his tummy isn't such a terrible thing.

on a cute sidenote, our neice who is a toddler likes to mimic everything i do... so if his shirt is up she'll walk over and kiss his tummy! it's so adorable! and when i give him a backrub she likes to climb up in front of me and "help out."


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## lizzy (Aug 10, 2006)

It looks like he's enjoying it. Have you thought he isn't just a gainer at heart?


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## theRabidWolf (Aug 10, 2006)

Heck, I'm not a gainer, but if I knew the girl I was dating was totally into my belly it'd drive me wild. Especially if she was trying to get me bigger, and rubbing my tummy all the time...sigh...

I think you should tell him, he might even spice things up for you. :eat1:

But Skinny FFA may have a point, if the secret is what makes it exciting for you I say you keep it. If he figures it out and plays along that may be cool too.


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## growingman (Aug 10, 2006)

I think sexual excitement is very powerful and to be excited by something that is socially taboo like fat bellies is naturally embarressing because we are so strongly influenced by the media and the dominant culture. We have all seen the ridicule being fat elicits in mainstream culture. We feel subject to the same ridicule when we feel we will be discovered doing something not socially acceptable, but at the same time doing something "forbidden" is in itself sexually exciting. 

I think both of you are afraid of the ridicule you have seen and are shy about expressing your feelings. I really think gradually you can come out completely about this and I think he will embrace it. 

I am not sure if he is completely aware but he does seem to be "testing the water." My guess is he senses your preference, but is shy about bringing it up or discussing it. I would consider finding ways you can both gradually be able to talk about all personal feelings more. The more you both feel comfortable to talk about your inner feelings the closer you will get and the easier it will be to disclose your preferences. ...Just my thoughts on this.


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## Jackoblangada (Aug 10, 2006)

I emplore you all to jump on out of the closet! I know it's exciting to have a secret adn it's very scary to share those secrets but just imagine how much fun you will have!

If you jump out you will also help him accept and enjoy his body! You can always make it your secret to he shared..
imagine going to buffet and having people look at you,some questioningly and others judgmentaly and how much fun you can have screwing with thier minds!

And your physical lives will changes as he becomes accustomed to the way you really want to touch him but have been afraid too..it will be worth it.


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## Jackoblangada (Aug 10, 2006)

And oh yeah....Damn do i wish i still lived in CT


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## EvaDestruction (Aug 12, 2006)

ive recently rid myself of this skeleton in my own closet so my advice to you, sister, is if it's too hard to actually verbally say how you feel, doing it with actions is a lot easier and more often than not has more of an impact


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## tankgirl (Aug 12, 2006)

Ehhhh......
If you don't like it in the fire, what on earth are you doing out of the frying pan?

Say something. ANYTHING. Confirm him.
Guys like solid confirmation, too.

(personal experience)


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## Laina (Aug 13, 2006)

*shrug* "Addcidentally" leave this site open. Works like a charm.


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## lemmink (Aug 13, 2006)

Well, I'm pretty much sailing on the same boat you are. To begin with it freaked me out a bit, but it seems to have evolved naturally into a relationship-with-feeder-tendencies without my having to admit to anything. 

It started when my bf put on a lot of weight one month (completely without my influence) and freaked out a little. He'd always been extremely thin, so the weight was very visible. When he came to see me recently (we currently live in different countries) he was very self conscious about it, and promised he'd start exercising, etc, etc. 

Of course, I absolutely couldn't keep my hands off him. He thought I'd gone mad (because all girls like six-packs, right?) but tolerated all the squeezing and poking and jiggling and offerings of muffins. After I staged an anti-diet protest, wrapping myself around his midriff and wailing "Don't keeeells my precioussss," he gave up on the idea of losing weight again. 

He teased me for a long while about liking his fat, although somewhat ineffectively (Him, pointing: "Chubby chaser!" Me, pointing: "CHUBBY.") These days he jokingly calls me a feeder, wibbles to me about food and sends me a pile of belly-photos every day; we also do the 'fat-talk' thing. He didn't like having a belly to begin with, but he likes it now because I like it. I'm a bit uncomfortable with that - I'd prefer it if he liked it because he actually wanted it himself, but at least he acknowledges that he looks a lot healthier now than he did twenty pounds ago. 

But anyway. The thing is, we've managed to get from him freaking out to teasing me to our present situation without me having to blurt out any admissions beyond the fact that I love his body. I figure that your boyfriend has definitely worked it out too, so the best thing to do is go with the flow. Just keep telling him he's a sexy beast, and tease him back every chance you get.


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## SisterGoldenHair (Aug 14, 2006)

i'm so not ready to just shout out from the mountaintop "i like fat men! and i love my boyfriend's belly!" but fortunately actions do seem to speak just fine. 
it's pretty much how Lemmink, EvaDestruction and growingman have said it... our relationship isn't changing except for the better, and with a similar situation to Lemmink, i can feel like the FFA part of me is breathing free air without having to totally expose itself. i don't know what exactly that fear is, i can't put it into a precise formula... though growingman has hit upon something, definitely, and others on this board have put forth some very insightful theories... but i'm kind of learning to relax about the whole thing. i mean in past years i was pretty consumed by the art of hiding this- i was even a little afraid at times that professing a crush on a fat boy would out me. high school was a nightmare, from the pov of a shy FFA. i would remove myself from all girlish talk of "cute boys" because i couldn't express myself. 
but now, i'm with a tubby guy, and i'm not afraid of gushing about how handsome he is to anyone who will listen and i'm not afraid to hug him from behind, rubbing his belly, while we stand on lines at checkouts...

and i know that these boards have helped me. i don't know what i'd do without this kind of outlet. i mean, i don't want to make it sound like i would be some sort of repressed headcase, but... well, you know. i'm more comfortable with who i am now, after visiting these boards for however long it's been.


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## tankgirl (Aug 19, 2006)

SisterGoldenHair said:


> and i know that these boards have helped me. i don't know what i'd do without this kind of outlet. i mean, i don't want to make it sound like i would be some sort of repressed headcase, but... well, you know. i'm more comfortable with who i am now, after visiting these boards for however long it's been.


 
AMEN SISTER!!!!
Even though, as we know, it's easier to "come out" here than it is offline.... But what the hell.
Chee, even my guy's being tame about it now. He was (seriously, I'm not just being mean here) whining about the extra weight he's gained (up to a 36", nearly... ^.^ *drool).... so when the prompt "You don't like this, do you?" came up, I stared at him and said, "Well... yes I do!" And he shut up. Hasn't said a thing negative about it since. I feed him (and the rest of the house, but I give him bigger portions), and he eats... least as much as he can. And in private, I encourage him. Sorta. More like, I make fun of him. But hey. It's a strange enough relationship. *snigger* But when he's done, I know he's done. Ain't no weird BDSM shit here. 


......Yet....?


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## lemmink (Aug 20, 2006)

I remember all those high school conversations - and heck, all the ones through university and afterwards. I wonder why having to bluff my way out of those was part of the reason that I'm more friendly with guys now than girls.


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## SisterGoldenHair (Sep 5, 2006)

lemmink said:


> I remember all those high school conversations - and heck, all the ones through university and afterwards. I wonder why having to bluff my way out of those was part of the reason that I'm more friendly with guys now than girls.



hmmm. that sounds familiar. i too have a greater percentage of male friends than female ones (although i'm really close to the few girlfriends i have). why is that? and why didn't girls like us meet up in high school more often??


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## lemmink (Sep 5, 2006)

SisterGoldenHair said:


> hmmm. that sounds familiar. i too have a greater percentage of male friends than female ones (although i'm really close to the few girlfriends i have). why is that? and why didn't girls like us meet up in high school more often??



I've got no idea. I do know it's still a bit of an issue when friends of mine gurgle over actors and celebrities - what am I supposed to say? :doh: I guess it's a bit alienating, and in high school often all teenage girls have in common with your contemporaries is boys, boys and boys... and, if you're an FFA, you don't get even that.


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