# How do you handle it when it gets to be too much?



## MisticalMisty (Jan 19, 2006)

I consider myself to be a very confident ssbbw. I'm comfortable in my skin, I'm comfortable with the fact that not everyone is attracted to me. I'm comfortable with all the of the issues that I deal with on a daily basis.

But, after reading Mellie's post about her embarrassement and Saucy's post about how to handle the rude remarks, I wanted to ask a few questions.

#1. Are there times when all the stares, snickers, remarks etc get to be too much for you? 

#2. If there are, what do you to to handle the feelings they cause?

I know for myself, sometimes it gets to be too much. Most times, I let the comments and snickers roll off my back. But there are times, when I just want to walk thru a mall or go to a restaurant without being the center of attention. There are times, I feel like a sideshow freak or something. I know, I KNOW I shouldn't feel this way but how can one not help it at times?

I want to know if any of you experience the same feelings and if you do how do you handle it. What's your coping mechanism? Does anyone else feel this ever or is this something I'm alone in? :doh: 

I'd really appreciate any honest comments.

Misty


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## Sandie S-R (Jan 19, 2006)

HI Misty...'

Of course you are not alone in this. We have all had those moments, and/or those days. Even me.  

Yes, there are days we just want to blend in. Not stand out, not be different, not be looked at, not be noticed.

When that stuff happens...I just surround myself with my loved ones. Hubby and grandson are the best at keeping me real and grounding me when I have those "bad fat days". Fortunately they are not too often...and I have learned to focus on the good things in my life (which are many). It tends to get me out of any funk I may fall into.

I think for me it is reaching a point where you realize that "God doesn't make junk", and I am deserving of the space I need to just be me.

Hang in there!!


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## Jane (Jan 19, 2006)

Misty my son is 5'8" and weighs 135 pounds, and says there are days he feels the same way about himself. It isn't just a size thing.

My late sweetie was one to let his "presence be known" and it would end up embarrassing my son to distraction. He just wanted to blend in, and Rick was NEVER a blend in person. Eventually, he came to accept Rick as he was, and to learn to laugh with him.

Of course, Haagen Daaz chocolate helps as well.



MisticalMisty said:


> I consider myself to be a very confident ssbbw. I'm comfortable in my skin, I'm comfortable with the fact that not everyone is attracted to me. I'm comfortable with all the of the issues that I deal with on a daily basis.
> 
> But, after reading Mellie's post about her embarrassement and Saucy's post about how to handle the rude remarks, I wanted to ask a few questions.
> 
> ...


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## NFA (Jan 19, 2006)

Of course you shouldn't feel that way, Misty, but no one can expect you not to have those feelings at times. Its difficult. While its true that most people will think more people are staring than actually are, it'd be foolish to suggest that it doesn't happen. That's going to affect someone, and I guess the first way to respond is by accepting that its going to hurt and at some basic level it always will. If you think you can respond by making it never hurt, you'll only assure yourself disappointment because that will never work.

So, how do you minimize it. A strong sense of self-worth and self-value is certainly a needed foundation. If someone doesn't think they deserve to enjoy their lives and do what they want to do, then when people mock and deride them for doing those things they'll be inclined to blame themselves. The important thing here is to recognize that this isn't your fault and your problem. Turn the blame away from you as soon as possible. Recognize that this is unacceptable behavior and judge it accordingly. Its not your fault. Yes, these are platitudes to a degree, but ultimately thats this will be about. There's no technique or magic spell to keep people from being lowlifes towards you. What you can control is how you view that situation and how quickly you can recognize that you're not at fault. Make no apologies to these people or to yourself for what they do.

I would hesitate on suggesting a specific coping response as I'm well aware that being male and not "that" fat innoculates me to a significant degree so I don't imagine my experience has much relavance here. I'll get verbally abused over my size only about once or twice a year. From what I've observed with others, a strong community of support to turn to can be a big help, though. People who are eager to be there for you and reassure you that the hurt you feel is not your fault and to direct your feelings outward. Not even necessarily by anger, though I can see that being a fair response. I'd just pity the people who try to take someone down by behaving like a child. Its sad that this is what they've done with their lives. Its sad that they don't know any better than to behave like a rotten child. Its sad that their life priorities are so malformed as to take pleasure in being verbally abusive to others. I always get angry first, but ultimately all these people are worth is pity.

I hope to see some good suggestions here, though. This is a very valuable point of discussion.


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## Carrie (Jan 19, 2006)

Hi, Misty.  

I'm 35, and have fortunately gotten to the point in my life where rude comments about my weight no longer bother me. There was a time when they rocked me to my very core, so much so that I avoided leaving my house whenever possible. 

Times have changed, thankfully.

Here are my thoughts on handling the public in general:

1). The best defense is a good offense. I find that when I walk around with my head held high, a spring in my step, and most importantly, making friendly eye contact, it is almost guaranteed that I won't experience a single negative comment while I'm out. We've learned in basic animal behavior that the member of an animal group who has slouched posture, avoids eye contact, skirts around the edges of a group trying desperately not to be noticed, is the animal most likely to be attacked. I believe humans are the same way. If we walk around with an attitude of "Please don't notice me, please don't pick on me, pleasepleaseplease," that's an open invitation to bullies to abuse us, sadly. 

For instance, if I'm in Wal-Mart or someplace similar and I see a group of teenage boys moving towards me, I will purposely pick out the leader and make open, unabashed eye contact with him. Not friendly, or unfriendly, just....direct. The other boys take their cues from the leader, so as he sees that I am not afraid of him or his group, he and they will move on to greener pastures. 

Jesus, I sound like Desmond Morris with this animal behavior business, but I do firmly believe that it's true. Fat people so frequently walk around and lead their lives in constant, unspoken apologies to others - I'm sorry I'm in the way, I'm sorry I take up so much of this seat, I'm sorry that you don't like looking at me, I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry....it drives me crazy, and it needs to stop. It's extremely unhealthy to conduct one's life as though halfway expecting to be smacked at any given moment. 

2). Realize that negative remarks about your weight are meaningless and have no real reflection on you or your life unless you allow them to. I think this is probably something that just comes with some experience and maturity, as one's self-confidence and self-acceptance blooms, so it undoubtedly sounds easier said than done to lots of people on this board. I've just gotten to the point where comments made about my weight no longer bother me in a personal sense. What I mean is that sometimes I *will* still become upset by hearing a mean remark intended for me, but it's not in a "Ow, that hurt my feelings" sense; rather, it's "I'm so fricking tired of people being crappy to each other," and lamenting mean people in general. I can't stand meanness, and it does really bother me, but I'm not about to let some ignorant asshat in a parking lot who doesn't know the first thing about me make me feel bad about ME. These days, though, 99% of the time I will actually laugh at someone who's denigrating me because of my size, I find it so ludicrous. 

I was at Lowe's a few weeks ago picking out paint for my bathroom, walking around, looking cute, and feeling upbeat because I was going to paint my ugly bathroom, and I came to the end of an aisle with my cart, looked up, and saw a woman standing about ten feet away, staring at me with what I can only describe as complete and utter _revulsion_ on her face. And it flashed in my mind how incredibly stupid that was, to have such strong feelings about what is, essentially, simply extra flesh, and I actually burst out laughing, while staring right back at her. She recoiled in shock, and I pushed my cart past hers, laughing and waggling my fingers "hello" at her. I gaily sung out, "Have a great day, ma'am!" and sashayed away. It was pretty priceless, I have to admit - I'm sure she'd expected a radically different response from me.

So those are my pearls of wisdom. They ain't much, but they're all I've got, and they work for me.


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## moonvine (Jan 19, 2006)

I'm afraid this isn't going to be too helpful, but I don't think I have heard a negative comment about my weight (other than from my family, and I put a stop to that finally) since high school, and I'm twice the size I was in high school.

I don't know if it is because I present a confident face to the world, because I am oblivious and just don't hear it (I tend to hyperfocus and block some stuff out) or for some other unknown reason. I definitely wouldn't notice something like someone staring at me, because I'm usually thinking about how I am going to deal with all the cats, or how I am going to get that school assignment done, or what I need to do at work, or something, and I just have neither time nor interest in looking at people to see if they are staring, and to try to determine if they are staring at me or not.

I have had it happen to friends though. Makes me sad.


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## Deidrababe (Jan 19, 2006)

Oh, we doooooo all feel this way!

I have days when NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING that anyone says to me will bother me and then I have days when I can't take it either!

I hear ya!

We all know what we are supposed to do - give it back, laugh, smile, whatever works for you, but there are days when that stuff is just not possible.

BUT...this IS not a size thing. Everyone has their bad days. 

Hugs,

Deeds


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## Aliena (Jan 19, 2006)

Excellent points Carrie! I too make tons of eye contact! Being raised by a man (my father) that had that "look", I am able to say I've inherited it. Sometimes I am vocal, other times I am not, but my eyes are always communicating--regardless. 

Does it get to me that people can be so rude? Hell yes! However, I dont let them dictate to me how my life will be lived or how I am going to feel while living it; my feelings reign higher. If people are bold enough to point out my flaws loudly, I can be bold enough to point them back just as loud. I simply say something, where EVERYONE can hear, I guess if I were you Id point to someone elses flaws too, so that no one would notice your true ugliness! 

I guess it is an age thing. I used to worry all the time what other people think, but thats all changed to an attitude of fuck it; those people only have as much impact on my life as I allow. I dont plan on abusing myself via by other peoples ignorance. And fair warning to those who dare tread their ugliness my way, experience has shown me to give as good as I get--maybe even better!


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## Jane (Jan 19, 2006)

Carrie, you are exactly right about the animalistic nature of it all.

I started to post that, like dogs, packs of people sense fear and react to it.


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## BBW Betty (Jan 19, 2006)

Hi Misty. I can SOOOOOO relate. There are just days I want to stay home and not have to see anyone. But that doesn't get things done. 

I like Carrie's response about eye contact. In my experience, it is dead on. It's just not always easy to do. If I feel that way today, though, it's usually gone by tomorrow. I just don't let myself stay in that frame of mind for long.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 19, 2006)

_When things get hard and I'm feeling like a circus freak - what do I do? I pull our my old friend "Jose Cuervo" and have a party of one. After a few shots I don't even remember my own name let alone something someone else said! LOL *Rim shot*_

Seriously. I cry. I get it out. And then I remember that I am a human being just like everyone else and deserving of respect like everyone else. Then I cuddle up in Wayne's arms and let him tell me how wonderful I am. Or if he's not around I find my best friend - and let him tell me how wonderful I am. 

It always helps to have someone around who loves you and thinks you're wonderful. Keep those people close.


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## Emma (Jan 19, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> _
> It always helps to have someone around who loves you and thinks you're wonderful. Keep those people close._


_

It's not always that easy. Some of us don't have anyone who cares _


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 19, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> It's not always that easy. Some of us don't have anyone who cares



Em - there are plenty of people here who care about you. That counts for something no?


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## Zandoz (Jan 19, 2006)

I think just about everyone of any size shares those experiences and feelings, to varying degrees at times. Yes, the best defense is ignoring the ignorant, but there are going to be times when that just doesn't cut it. I wish there was some sure fire way to cope when those times come, but there is no one answer. Personal experience has proven that one way not to cope is isolation. Get mad...sit down and cry...go have some cheese cake...beat the stuffing out of a punching bag...do what ever it takes to cope in those times, but what ever you do, do not let it build up...and don't let it make you hide. Once you take to hiding it's too hard to get out again....been there, done that, still do it, and it's miserable.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Jan 19, 2006)

What Carrie said.


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## Jes (Jan 19, 2006)

Jane said:


> Carrie, you are exactly right about the animalistic nature of it all.
> 
> I started to post that, like dogs, packs of people sense fear and react to it.




I saw Marlon Perkins and heard that Wild Kingdom music while reading C's post.


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## FitChick (Jan 19, 2006)

I wanted to offer some advice and suggestions, please do not take this as a personal insult or accusation anyone.

All the years I was very fat, not once did anyone ever insult me for my size. After reading all the stories online, I have wondered why. It may be because I didnt become very fat until adulthood and after marriage (although I don't know what the last part would have to do with it)...I do know of a few comments made about me by others TO others (like the ER doctor who told my husband, "She is very large and should lose some weight" after he took me there when I slipped on ice and hit my head). But apart from that, no direct insults to my face.

I wonder if it could be because of how I carried myself (I don't mean physically, I mean personality-wise)? I always had an attitude of "don't mess with me because I like myself". I do think abusers can "smell" people with low self esteem and therefore go after them. I'm not singling out anyone or everyone, just my own thoughts on this.

You should pay careful attention to how you stand and walk. Don't slouch or look grim...that tells people you don't like yourself or are unhappy. Dress nicely, don't walk around looking like a mess. HOW you stand and HOW you dress tells people loads about you and how you feel on the inside.

I'm sure you've heard this before but its really true! Body language really is a real language, and everybody "speaks" it!


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## AnnMarie (Jan 19, 2006)

Most of the time I just give them a good eyeroll, in a "Is that the BEST you can do?" way. And more often than not, I don't go around with any feelings one way or another about what was said or snickered at, or anything like that. 

But I'll say, my feelings now, about 95% of the time, are just pure anger. Who the hell are YOU to make me feel like I shouldn't be going about my life and business?? FUCK YOU! I don't say that, of course, I'm not socially unacceptable. But it really makes me fume. I just get indignant about their level of audacity to feel like they have any ability to make a judgement on me or my life or my activity or purchases, etc. 

While anger isn't healthy, and it goes quickly, I'm not talking about rage here, it's healthier for me than internalizing this feeling of worthlessness that comments or stares or snickers like that would have done to me in a former life. I'd rather be angry or in disbelief at their ignorance and know that I'm just fine living my little life in any way I want. 

And take your average day out, and multiply it sometimes, because I hang out with huge fatties all the time. Oh yeah man, it's a scene. LOL We go ANYWHERE, it's like the circus came to town. I don't mind it though, because I understand it's the scene that's causing distraction, and it's not just any one of us on our own. Heather and I (couldn't count how many times in our lives we've said it) often end up saying the "Yes folks, it's two huge fat girls".... that usually ends things pretty quickly.  And it's funny as hell. 

Also, I just want to be clear. I don't care if people look or take me in. I fully expect that, I'm a rare commodity! I expect them to look, even take a second look, and that's fine. I do the same thing if I see a guy who's 6'6" or something, it's rare and worth a lookie! Where I draw the line is the poke-the-friend-to-look-at-the-fat-lady-too. 

I actualy wait for this to happen, and it's one of my favorite sports in public. I wait for the friend to get poked, and wait for that friend to casually glance in my direction (you know, God forbid it's all obvious and stuff) and when they do I'm staring directly at them and I give them a big wave, smile and a great big, loud "HI!". Oh yeah, it's one of the best feelings in the whole wide world and they're usually really mad at their friend. LOL Ahhhh, good times. 

I also give the "Hi" to large groups of people who are just sitting and staring for too long (and yes, you can tell when it's been too long). 

Make "Hi" your friend, it's REALLY fun and empowering to turn the tables. Sometimes I even get an embarassed "Hi" back from them because they're so confused. 

Ohhhh, one more I've done when it's really, really, really bad.... I've actually said "Hi, do we know each other??" and they give a "oh, uh,... no, I don't think so" and I say "okay, I thought maybe we did from the way you were staring" 

Oh man, I thought I was done, but just read above and have to add on. I'm sorry, but no matter how confident you carry yourself (I'm IT, there is no head hanging or apologizing going on in my stance and activities) someone will make a comment if that's their agenda. _*I don't want any of the girls here to feel like there is necessarily something they're putting out there that brings this type of behavior on to them*_.... people can just be jerks, that's life. More often than not, I don't get a boo, but some people can't help themselves. It doesn't matter how cute you look, how happy you are, how cute the guy with you is (sometimes that makes it worse from women), if they're going to say something, if they're that type of person, they almost can't help themselves. Period.


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## Carrie (Jan 19, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> Oh man, I thought I was done, but just read above and have to add on. I'm sorry, but no matter how confident you carry yourself (I'm IT, there is no head hanging or apologizing going on in my stance and activities) someone will make a comment if that's their agenda. _*I don't want any of the girls here to feel like there is necessarily something they're putting out there that brings this type of behavior on to them*_.... people can just be jerks, that's life. More often than not, I don't get a boo, but some people can't help themselves. It doesn't matter how cute you look, how happy you are, how cute the guy with you is (sometimes that makes it worse from women), if they're going to say something, if they're that type of person, they almost can't help themselves. Period.



True, AnnMarie, but I stand by my argument - if you walk around expecting to get kicked in the ass, you will be. Walking around with confidence will absolutely _decrease_ the amount of negative comments made. I and others here, yourself included, I'll bet, are living testament to that.


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## AppreSheAte (Jan 19, 2006)

I didn't read the whole string of comments from everyone responding to Misty, but I wanted to at least say this:

Misty, if it helps at all, please keep in mind that there really are guys that appreciate your shape and might be looking because they're fascinated, attracted and perhaps wishful, or lustful. 

I realize that there are a lot of really rude and obnoxious people out there, so of course I don't think everyone feels the way I do, and I've tried to do my fair share of defending a few bbws from rude remarks.

I remember one guy in line making a remark about a pretty bbw a couple spots ahead that made me pretty angry. As a relatively big guy, it seemed he quickly shut up when I gave him a glance, but it didn't take the remark away from ever being said. I wanted so bad to say something nice to the lady, but she hurried off before I could. 

All I can really say is be yourself, be confident, and don't fret about what small minded people might think - funny isn't it, that small minded people are usually small people!?!? (meant that to be a little light hearted comment) :doh:


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## AnnMarie (Jan 19, 2006)

Carrie said:


> True, AnnMarie, but I stand by my argument - if you walk around expecting to get kicked in the ass, you will be. Walking around with confidence will absolutely _decrease_ the amount of negative comments made. I and others here, yourself included, I'll bet, are living testament to that.



I totally agree, attitude can change things completely, but the idea that it never happens if you're happy and cute and walk tall is completely wrong (sort of what fitchick was saying if I read it right) and I would hate, hate, hate for any fat girl here to think "well, I'm doing all that and it's still happening, so I must still be doing something wrong".

I think this also has to do with how fat you are. I'm not saying all sizes of fat don't get comments, but the bigger you are, sometimes the more liberty strangers feel to take a shot. You're more of a freak, so you're more of a target. I have even had fat women (250 or so) give me the hairy eyeball, but it was ok to them because I'm way fatter than they are. People can just be really unbelievable sometimes.... LOL


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## Carrie (Jan 19, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> I totally agree, attitude can change things completely, but the idea that it never happens if you're happy and cute and walk tall is completely wrong (sort of what fitchick was saying if I read it right) and I would hate, hate, hate for any fat girl here to think "well, I'm doing all that and it's still happening, so I must still be doing something wrong".



Gotcha, lady.


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## ConnieLynn (Jan 19, 2006)

Well first off, I am a friendly, small town southern gal and where I come from we acknowledge people. That means if I pass you in the aisle at Walmart I make eye contact, smile, and maybe say hello. It is hard to make nasty comments to someone who does that. 

However, my response to people who insist on being rude is usually the kill them with kindness approach. Someone says you are fat? Say thank you. Teenagers point at you? Blow them a kiss.

I'm fat and over forty. It's hard for me to hide, even if I wanted. I missed out on a lot of things when I was younger because of what I thought people were thinking about me. I'm not missing out on any more. I figured out that it's ok for people not to like me and I am responsible for my own happiness. I don't cry about being fat or get my feelings hurt by idiot strangers.


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## JoyJoy (Jan 19, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I'm afraid this isn't going to be too helpful, but I don't think I have heard a negative comment about my weight (other than from my family, and I put a stop to that finally) since high school, and I'm twice the size I was in high school.
> 
> I don't know if it is because I present a confident face to the world, because I am oblivious and just don't hear it (I tend to hyperfocus and block some stuff out) or for some other unknown reason. I definitely wouldn't notice something like someone staring at me, because I'm usually thinking about how I am going to deal with all the cats, or how I am going to get that school assignment done, or what I need to do at work, or something, and I just have neither time nor interest in looking at people to see if they are staring, and to try to determine if they are staring at me or not.
> 
> I have had it happen to friends though. Makes me sad.



I'm sort of a cross-section of moonvine's take on this, and Carrie's. I've gone from being an EXTREMELY shy child-into-adult, keeping myself sheltered from any possible ridicule or insult to being a mix of confidence and oblivion when out in public (although I wasn't fat as a child or teenager, I was ultra sensitive and insecure in general). I can't say I wouldn't be bothered if I heard someone say something nasty to or about me, or stared at me in an obvious way, I've just never had to deal with it, for whatever reason. When I am paying attention (which is honestly a very small percentage of the time I am out in public), I get more of a sense that I am invisible to most people....as if they see me coming, immediately think *fat girl walking* and remove me from their plane of existence. But, to repeat what others have said...if we give some of these people an opening, they're going to take it. Confidence and showing a lack of vulnerability can go a long way in keeping away the gnats. I love that Carrie can laugh when it happens to her...I hope that I can be as bold when it does happen to me.


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## thislittlepiggy (Jan 19, 2006)

I'm a college professor, so I waddle and jiggle my 450+ lb. self in front of groups of people all the time in classes and conference presentations. I've never had a negative comment or a disgusted stare in that environment, and I rarely experience that anywhere. I'm not sure why, but I follow a lot of the advice given here: I carry myself with confidence, I kill 'em with kindness, and when that doesn't work, I ignore the ignorant.

Once, though, I attacked it head on. As I was walking on a sidewalk in front of a row of stores, a pickup of teens drove slowly by, and the guy nearest me yelled, "Go to Weight Watchers!" I screamed back, "Go to hell!" and the others in the truck laughed their asses off at their buddy. That felt good.


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## Ncprincess4yoiu (Jan 19, 2006)

Hi Misty,
I know how you feel, it seems as if everyone is staring at you and 9 times out of 10 they are. But when it happens to me I have to remember that I'm just as good as they are probably better because they are stupid enough to stare. I tell ya what bothers me the most is when little kids while with their parents "Mommy look at that fat woman" makes me wanna strangle their parents. Also when you get a date with a average sized guy they look at you like your gonna eat them or something...lol. It's pure ignorance on there parts. So don't worry girl!


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## Thrifty McGriff (Jan 19, 2006)

I just wanted to say you have all offered great advice, and I'm taking notes. I'm very interested in defending, if you will call it that, any big girl that I will eventually and hopefully be with, in the unfortunate event that ignorant people rear their ugly heads. I won't tolerate somebody trying to put her or both of us down because of something like extra flesh. I personally love Ann Marie's suggestions, I was really laughing while reading that. Nothing like turning the tables.


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## Single26Female (Jan 19, 2006)

Yesterday, I couldn't fit into ANY of my dress pants.

I had to wear a pair of pants which were so tight that they had a "camel toe" and my sweater/shirt barely came down to cover the bulge.

I didn't have a choice. I can't afford more clothing and I can't lose weight overnight.

It killed my confidence. I could have cried.

I don't go out with my friends sometimes simply because I can't fit into the appropriate clothing.

I love myself. I think I'm wonderful.

It hurts sometimes though...


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## ChickletsBBW (Jan 19, 2006)

sweetie.. like others have said, you certainly are not alone.
rude comments from others as a child could bring me to tears in a heartbeat.. but i finally outgrew all that BS. However, there are days that I go out, either shopping, eating out or whatever.. and i get snickers, stares, pointed at etc.. and yes it hurts... but I also try to remember that most of those people that do those hurtful things are immature and don't know me as a person. But usually I vent on my bf how mad those rude things make me feel and sometimes i splurge in some ice cream lol
anyway.. 
I hope you know that you are not alone and I'm sending out big hugs to you because many of us get like that from time to time.. so cheer up, do something that you enjoy, buy something sexy and vent on someone lol
or.. have a bite or two of ice cream like me lol


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## EtobicokeFA (Jan 19, 2006)

Running into a holes, happens to everybody. Of course, being a husky 6ft6in guy, no one ever does it to my face. Just basically yelling it from a speeding car as they pass. 

But, in my experience, try to get it out of you mind as fast as you can, and rely on the support of family and friends.


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## Sandie S-R (Jan 19, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> I totally agree, attitude can change things completely, but the idea that it never happens if you're happy and cute and walk tall is completely wrong (sort of what fitchick was saying if I read it right) and I would hate, hate, hate for any fat girl here to think "well, I'm doing all that and it's still happening, so I must still be doing something wrong"....



Very good point AM...and I am glad you made it. I'd like to think that I am pretty confidant, happy and positive. But every once in a while even I get accosted by some a__hole. Here's a good example...

A few months after I had my knee injury and surgery, Guy (my DH), Charlie (our 11 yr old grandson) and I went to the grocery store. I was in such a good mood, and just happy to be out of the house with my little family. I'm in a brace from my ankle to my thigh, and obviously not able to walk in it. Guy brings the cart to me at the car, I get in, and we proceed to shop. Charlie and I stop at the Deli to get some sandwiches to take home for lunch while Guy is going around the store with the cart getting some things. 

An older man (likely 75+) is staring at me while we are waiting at the Deli with a very ugly look on his face. After about 15 minutes (long wait for the sandwiches), he finally walks over and gets right in my face, and says, "Are you just going to sit there, or are you going to use the cart?" I looked at him, and (since Charlie was there and not wanting to upset him), I just smiled at the old guy and said, "I'm waiting for some sandwiches and then have some shopping to do". Then he says, "Well...if you weren't do damned fat, you wouldn't need the cart! You should just loose some weight!"

I proceeded to fume for a half a second and almost boiled over, but with Charlie there I wanted to set a good example. I looked at the old fellow, and said, "And, Sir, you should get some manners! Can't you see I am in a leg brace and unable to walk? It has absolutley nothing to do with my size that I am using the cart. Now run along and bother someone else!"

Charlie started laughing, which started me laughing, and the old fellow toddled off in a huff. But boy would I have loved to have really told him off. 

Anyway...yes this stuff happens to anyone regarless of demeanor or attitude.


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## Missy9579 (Jan 19, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> And take your average day out, and multiply it sometimes, because I hang out with huge fatties all the time. Oh yeah man, it's a scene. LOL We go ANYWHERE, it's like the circus came to town. I don't mind it though, because I understand it's the scene that's causing distraction, and it's not just any one of us on our own. Heather and I (couldn't count how many times in our lives we've said it) often end up saying the "Yes folks, it's two huge fat girls".... that usually ends things pretty quickly.  And it's funny as hell.
> 
> 
> .




lol While sometimes several fat girls out and about can be a scene, it can also be safety in numbers....if there is one fat phobic person, and 3 or 4 fat girls come walking by, almost bet he/she is not going to say anything.

Sometimes when i am alone and walking somewhere I dont hold my head up, I waslk where i have to , do my thing and leave. But when accompanied by another fat girl, or a few, I hold my head high, and have a great time.

In Las Vegas in July, while there Heather had a scooter, and we decided to cruise the strip, and since it was many miles, and I had only flip flops, and hell, who am I kidding, I am fat, we got me a scooter too....so that was an experience, and a scene,,,,Heather and I in a train like fashion cruising the Las Vegas strip...people couldnt believe their eyes....and I had a blast!


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## FitChick (Jan 19, 2006)

ConnieLynn said:


> Well first off, I am a friendly, small town southern gal and where I come from we acknowledge people. That means if I pass you in the aisle at Walmart I make eye contact, smile, and maybe say hello. It is hard to make nasty comments to someone who does that.
> 
> However, my response to people who insist on being rude is usually the kill them with kindness approach. Someone says you are fat? Say thank you. Teenagers point at you? Blow them a kiss.
> 
> I'm fat and over forty. It's hard for me to hide, even if I wanted. I missed out on a lot of things when I was younger because of what I thought people were thinking about me. I'm not missing out on any more. I figured out that it's ok for people not to like me and I am responsible for my own happiness. I don't cry about being fat or get my feelings hurt by idiot strangers.




WHAT A FANTASTIC ATTITUDE!:smitten:


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## MissToodles (Jan 19, 2006)

Misty, usually I can let it roll like water off my back but today I had a _bad_ day. At one point, I lost my temper and stated in front of a bunch of people "I swear the next person who says something to me is going to get slapped". I was exiting a subway car and a guy not much smaller than me went "daaaaaamn". This infuriated me. I'm usually not so irrational but it was a combination of pms and other stress. it wasn't the best way to handle thing but it wsa in the heat of the moment.

Not that older people don't get comments, but you have a real baby face and probably think they can push you around more because frankly you look really young! Just try to stand with your head up and if someone says anything, look at them right back. Try to culivate a hard look.

I'm going to work with teens next semester and expect an avalanche of comments. But sometimes, the best thing is toughen up. At least my sister always tells me this. Some days I feel invincible and other days, there are too many chinks in my armor.

Keep strong girlie and realize from the many responses in this thread you are not alone!


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## JoyJoy (Jan 19, 2006)

Sandie S-R said:


> Very good point AM...and I am glad you made it. I'd like to think that I am pretty confidant, happy and positive. But every once in a while even I get accosted by some a__hole. Here's a good example...
> 
> A few months after I had my knee injury and surgery, Guy (my DH), Charlie (our 11 yr old grandson) and I went to the grocery store. I was in such a good mood, and just happy to be out of the house with my little family. I'm in a brace from my ankle to my thigh, and obviously not able to walk in it. Guy brings the cart to me at the car, I get in, and we proceed to shop. Charlie and I stop at the Deli to get some sandwiches to take home for lunch while Guy is going around the store with the cart getting some things.
> 
> ...



My philosophy is that when people say ugly, rude things, that's usually what they expect in return....so they've braced themselves for it. Responding in kind would lower me to their level, and live up to their expectations, and would likely have little effect on them. Your reaction here is so right on to me that I'd give you 1,000 rep points if I could. You maintained your dignity, put him succinctly in his place, while getting a laugh out of it, which made both you and your grandson feel better! Since he probably wasn't expecting you to react that way, perhaps it gave him pause to think about his own behavior...and perhaps he won't be quite so rude to someone else. Bravo, Sandy!


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## saucywench (Jan 19, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> But I'll say, my feelings now, about 95% of the time, are just pure anger. Who the hell are YOU to make me feel like I shouldn't be going about my life and business?? FUCK YOU! I don't say that, of course, I'm not socially unacceptable. But it really makes me fume. I just get indignant about their level of audacity to feel like they have any ability to make a judgement on me or my life or my activity or purchases, etc.





AnnMarie said:


> ... in disbelief at their ignorance...





AnnMarie said:


> ...people can just be jerks, that's life. More often than not, I don't get a boo, but some people can't help themselves....if they're going to say something, if they're that type of person, they almost can't help themselves. Period.


 
What I'm talkin' about. Yeah.

This is what gets me, rather than that some sniveling punk or coward has hurt my feelings (like THAT'S gonna happen.) But, wait--you know, it's not just those types--I've gotten "the look" from ADULTS who, you would THINK, would be a little more evolved than that. And they probably all have "Practice Tolerance" bumper stickers on their Volvos (ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating--a little bit.)  But you know what I mean. It generally always leads me to the same conclusion: If being "thin" is SO wonderful (and you know they're just dying to preach it to you)--then why in the HELL are they so fucking miserable? So miserable that they can't bear to keep it to themselves and are thankful that they have an "acceptable" outlet, i.e., fat people, to vent their unhappiness on (in public, no less.) You really have to wonder at the pathology of people like that. And I do. Probably WAY more than I should. But, it didn't make sense when I was a little fat girl, and it makes no more sense now that I'm a big fat girl.


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## Tina (Jan 19, 2006)

Carrie, I think we're sharing a brain on this one. I couldn't agree more with you, and I share your philosophy, and often behavior in such instances, too. Right on, sistah. It's not foolproof, but it often helps to filter out a good number of idiots.

Sandie, I think you set a wonderful example for Charlie, and even though some harsher words would likely have been even more satisfying, the jerk obviously got your point.


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 19, 2006)

I know I started this thread and have been M.I.A ever since. Just because I've been doing alot of thinking about things in general. I've been off sick for 2 days, I have plenty of time to think..LOL

Most of the time, those comments, looks, remarks don't bother me. Like AnnMarie said in an earlier post, I walk with my head held high, I look people in the eye and I'm rarely without a smile on my face. But, those afore mentioned things still happen.

But I think I figured out the times when it bothers me the most. Usually, after I've suffered some form of rejection and I'm feeling most vulnerable. You know how it is, when you're feeling really vulnerable, anything can bother you..even things that have never bothered you in the past. 

That doesn't excuse the fact that I let things get to me sometime, but I know that I'm only human and I can only handle so much crap.

Anyways, I just want to thank everyone for sharing their stories..etc. Hopefully, some young bbw will be able to read these and really understand that she is not alone in the world..I know I feel like I am among friends!

Thanks so much!


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## saucywench (Jan 19, 2006)

Misty, 

A lot of this (well, those moments when you *do* feel it) will disappear little by little as you grow older. It's a natural part of the maturation process. You're fortunate to already have a solid sense of self-worth at your age. I acquired mine bit by bit, reaching plateaus at different points in my adulthood. The year I was your age was one milestone for me, because I was asked by my interim boss at the time to fill the vacancy of administrator of the office where I had been a secretary. I didn't apply for the position when it first became available because I didn't think I had what it took. For one thing, I hadn't completed my undergraduate degree at the time, and felt that would hold me back. But I knew virtually everything about the office already. Several applications were received, and people were interviewed. Then, one day, this boss (my previous boss had died relatively suddenly and this one was filling in) called me to come over to his office, where he asked me if I would like the job. Something within me, in those few seconds it took to respond, told me that this was my opportunity for growth. I somehow knew deep down that I had to accept, no matter how frightening the prospect. And it proved to be just what I needed in terms of offering validation to me in areas I guess I was deficient.
Another time of an inner growth spurt was, oddly enough, during the year I was unemployed and depressed. The two things were related, but the depression was in place before the unemployment. In fact, it was a major contributing factor to my being fired. But, although that year was bad for me in many ways, it was also a great opportunity to evaluate my life. It gave me the time to reflect on just what it was I wanted for the rest of my life, and--it didn't happen overnight or anything, there wasn't any defining moment, more that it was a cumulative thing--I finally realized my true worth: all the good things that I knew deep down about myself--things that I should have been always been proud of, and used to advance myself--they were still there, had always been there, but now, something was different. Those feelings were no longer fleeting, they were rock solid. And the funny thing about realizing my self-worth was that I swung in almost the opposite direction with my regard for other people, in particular, romantic relationships. Now it wasn't so much that I had to prove to be of value to them, as I had felt in my younger years--it was more that they needed to prove of value to me. I was no longer interested in spending (wasting) time with anyone who didn't offer something positive, uplifting, whose character, values, and beliefs weren't aligned with mine. I suppose, the older you get and the faster your own mortality breathes hot down your neck, the bigger emphasis you place on the quality relationships rather than the quantity.

Well, I sort of got off track there with my ramblings. And I might have made no sense at all. The bottom line as much as it relates to your post is that I pretty much tune others out as I go about my life. I view the majority of people as dull and boring, the hoi polloi, as it were, so I beat them at their game of indifference and invisibility. I am, however, open to those few stellar individuals whose lives cross my path in a rather serendipitous manner. I am most drawn to people who dare to be different, who *do* march to the beat of a different drummer, iconoclasts who live their lives richly quite well outside of the box.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, yeah, now I remember! I am responding to your question of how I cope with it. :doh:


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 20, 2006)

Thanks Saucy..and thanks again to everyone else who replied to my post!


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## swamptoad (Jan 20, 2006)

I enjoyed reading and learning from this post. I have had writer's block and couldn't figure out what to write. 

We are all human beings living in the same world together and I just think its best that we all try to keep good karma and act like we have Jiminy Cricket with us wherever we go *a conscience guiding us in the right direction.* First of all, staring is rude and impolite. Next, making comments on a man or woman about their size that attacks their well-being or says what about that person's demeanor? I have seen it happen many of times to different people and it makes me feel awful inside that people can act that way. My wife has dealt with it her whole life. That saddens me that she has had to put up with such nonsense. Whenever I have been with her, though, I haven't seen anything of the sort happen.

I'd like to know why some people get a thrill out of staring, name-calling, insulting others just based on their size and such and seem to never grow out of it?


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## moonvine (Jan 20, 2006)

JoyJoy said:


> My philosophy is that when people say ugly, rude things, that's usually what they expect in return....so they've braced themselves for it. Responding in kind would lower me to their level, and live up to their expectations, and would likely have little effect on them. Your reaction here is so right on to me that I'd give you 1,000 rep points if I could. You maintained your dignity, put him succinctly in his place, while getting a laugh out of it, which made both you and your grandson feel better! Since he probably wasn't expecting you to react that way, perhaps it gave him pause to think about his own behavior...and perhaps he won't be quite so rude to someone else. Bravo, Sandy!



Miss Manners says a frosty stare and an "I BEG your pardon?" is always appropriate in any such situation!


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## Denial (Jan 20, 2006)

I feel you!! When I came to this board I became much confident. I realised that I can be sexy even when I'm big. All my life I had been ashamed of myself, and everyone have said bad thing about me.
I remember when I was out with my ex bf, and there was these two boys, and they yelled "hey mister, your gf is a donut saleslady!!". I'm not! That hurt.
And guess what? That was when I was 50 pounds lighter!
People can be such jerks.
But you know what I do? When someone calls me fat (or something like that) in a rude way, I say "well, atleast my parents teached me some manners".


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## FitChick (Jan 20, 2006)

There is a stereotype about fat people that I used to use to my advantage. I have noticed that some skinny/average people seem to fear the size of fat people, as if fat ppl can crush them to death.

I once overheard some guys talking, and one guy said to the other, "Whoa, if you dated (name of some fat woman they know), she could crush you when you're ^%$%'ing.....and another thing, don't argue with her, she can throw her weight around" (stuff like that).

I used to try to use it to my advantage...when I'd walk down the street, I carried myself as if I was looking to squash anyone who would dare mouth off at me. And nobody ever did, so either it worked or I was lucky! I know one reason I prefer heavy guys (who are also tall) is because I always feel safer with them walking down the street. With a skinny guy, I might have to defend HIM! I noticed too, that the thinner I got, the more I felt I "needed" my husband to stay big and tall, so definitely a protection element in there for me. I felt safer as a big woman because I felt my size would take care of me. I realize its an illusion but it FELT that way.


DENIAL: If a fat woman takes good care of her looks and dresses sharp, she looks better than thin/average women. My husband said to me that thin women (esp. too thin women) all look alike, like cooky cutter Barbie dolls on a shelf in the store. He said one thing he likes about larger women is, they have more variety....they go from 200 lbs on up, whereas skinny women generally stay in one small, confined range. He's right.

I realize you might not feel up to it, but TRY putting on makeup, dressing sharp, carry yourself like you look like a million dollars....every day look in the mirror and say (even if you don't yet believe it), "I AM HOT!" Its called "faking it till you make it" and it worked for me when I was still very big.


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## TraciJo67 (Jan 20, 2006)

Carrie said:


> I was at Lowe's a few weeks ago picking out paint for my bathroom, walking around, looking cute, and feeling upbeat because I was going to paint my ugly bathroom, and I came to the end of an aisle with my cart, looked up, and saw a woman standing about ten feet away, staring at me with what I can only describe as complete and utter _revulsion_ on her face. And it flashed in my mind how incredibly stupid that was, to have such strong feelings about what is, essentially, simply extra flesh, and I actually burst out laughing, while staring right back at her. She recoiled in shock, and I pushed my cart past hers, laughing and waggling my fingers "hello" at her. I gaily sung out, "Have a great day, ma'am!" and sashayed away. It was pretty priceless, I have to admit - I'm sure she'd expected a radically different response from me.
> 
> So those are my pearls of wisdom. They ain't much, but they're all I've got, and they work for me.



Carrie, I just _loved_ this anecdote. Most particularly, I enjoyed thinking about how absolutely caught off guard that unpleasant woman must have been. 

Your beauty, confidence in yourself, and sense of humor is, I'm sure, a sight to behold. I agree with you that how a person carries him/herself will often have an effect on how s/he is treated. I can remember walking around much in the way you described - with my shoulders hunched protectively, head down ... holding as much of myself in as I possibly could, with what I'm sure was an obviously apologetic affect. I hate that I ever felt that way about myself, and that I still do sometimes. I really enjoyed reading this thread, and seeing examples of the many ways that strong, confident people have handled public displays of human ugliness.


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## MissToodles (Jan 20, 2006)

I guess the moral of the thread is that you can't really control people's reactions but if you have the confidence, you won't care.


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## moonvine (Jan 20, 2006)

MissToodles said:


> I guess the moral of the thread is that you can't really control people's reactions but if you have the confidence, you won't care.




Well, really, why should you care? Do you care what strangers think about other things about you other than your weight or your appearance? I mean if someone said something about me driving an old car, I'd just laugh, because I don't have to make a car payment every month, and every month I don't have to make a car payment my retirement and other goals are that much closer. And while I'm lying out beside a beach somewhere diggin my toes in the sand, they are going to be going to work to pay their car payments. And who'll be laughing then, really? 

There are tons of other examples, but I am sure you get the point.


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 20, 2006)

FitChick said:


> I realize you might not feel up to it, but TRY putting on makeup, dressing sharp, carry yourself like you look like a million dollars....every day look in the mirror and say (even if you don't yet believe it), "I AM HOT!" Its called "faking it till you make it" and it worked for me when I was still very big.



Ok, first off, I've had to count to 100 about 3 times before I could even fathom this writing this post.

#1 I wear makeup everyday. I do my best to look my best..not only because I am professional, but I know that people are visual creatures and I'm going to look my best to feel my best every damn day.

#2 You obviously didn't read my first post. I'm very confident with myself and my size. I never walk with my head down, I'm very open and I understand that people are asses sometimes. The whole nature of the post was what to do when you've had too much of their bullshit.

I think what made me the angriest about your post is it sounds like you are assuming that, as a fat person, I don't take the time to "make myself look like a million bucks daily." Granted, that may not be how you intended the post to read, but that's how I took it. The whole post seems full of the negative sterotypes. If I'm wrong, I'm sorry.


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## Jane (Jan 20, 2006)

Well, Misty, I don't put on makeup, so I always just ignore that advice. I have very sensitive skin, which goes insane with makeup. I dress nicely. (The men I have cared for most never wanted me to wear makeup, because they liked me just like I am.)

I have had employers tell me they wanted me to wear makeup, and once I explain my situation, they usually understand (only a couple did this). One rather insisted, so I wore makeup, and they spent the rest of the week apologizing to me when they saw my blotchy face. (No, hypoallergenic doesn't work, either. I've tried damn near everything. My dermatologist finally told me to Give It Up. I can't even take skin TB tests because they come back reactive just from the prick to my skin.)

Girl, you keep up what you are doing that works for me, and, remember, I do own a 2x4. We can change some damn attitude in your neck of the woods.


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## SocialbFly (Jan 20, 2006)

I like to think of myself as confident, maybe at times over confident, but there are days when i feel like anything other than a princess. I think everyones confidence and self worth waxes and wanes from time to time, no matter what size you are...sometimes i am a goddess at new situations, sometimes i can't find a hole big enough to hide it, this is life isnt it??

Trying to look confident on you less than confident days might help, a couple of good come backs help too ( i always say it is obvious your mom raised an idiot, as only an idiot would tease someone soooooooooooooo much bigger than themselves!).

Good luck, smile, and you know, if someone says something that hurts you, sometimes just saying thanks, i needed my daily dose of hurt at least MIGHT make them think twice....

Dianna


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 20, 2006)

Jane said:


> Girl, you keep up what you are doing that works for me, and, remember, I do own a 2x4. We can change some damn attitude in your neck of the woods.



Actually, it doesn't happen in my neck of the woods...everyone's used to me being the biggest person in the room..lol..It happens more when I'm out and about in OKC. And like I said, it doesn't bother me all the time..there are just days when it gets my goat!

But..if I ever need you for some ass-whopping..I'll definitely give you a hollar..we okies gotta stick together!


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 20, 2006)

SocialbFly said:


> I think everyones confidence and self worth waxes and wanes from time to time, no matter what size you are...sometimes i am a goddess at new situations, sometimes i can't find a hole big enough to hide it, this is life isnt it??



You're right...Thanks for your post!


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## FitChick (Jan 20, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Ok, first off, I've had to count to 100 about 3 times before I could even fathom this writing this post.
> 
> #1 I wear makeup everyday. I do my best to look my best..not only because I am professional, but I know that people are visual creatures and I'm going to look my best to feel my best every damn day.
> 
> ...



I was not posting that to you. I addressed it to "DENIAL". In fact, I did not address any part of that post to you.


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## Jane (Jan 20, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Actually, it doesn't happen in my neck of the woods...everyone's used to me being the biggest person in the room..lol..It happens more when I'm out and about in OKC. And like I said, it doesn't bother me all the time..there are just days when it gets my goat!
> 
> But..if I ever need you for some ass-whopping..I'll definitely give you a hollar..we okies gotta stick together!


Okay, we'll do some attitude changing in MY neck of the woods. Here I have friends to prowl with us.


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 20, 2006)

Jane said:


> Okay, we'll do some attitude changing in MY neck of the woods. Here I have friends to prowl with us.



Hot damn! I'm game for that..just kidding..I try to make love not ass whoppings


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## pickleman357 (Jan 20, 2006)

Single26Female said:


> Yesterday, I couldn't fit into ANY of my dress pants.
> 
> I had to wear a pair of pants which were so tight that they had a "camel toe" and my sweater/shirt barely came down to cover the bulge.
> 
> ...



Well..... from my point of view that outfit sounds hot..... but that's just me!
But, if you're going out with your friends, I can see how it could be an issue.

And about the whole getting teased at,
If you do really love yourself, and if some moron is pointing out the obvious in a rude way; take it as a compliment!
Its like the moron going, "Ha ha, you're better then I am!"
Just turn around, give him pity for his ignorance and go, "Why thank you! I ate at 3 different buffets yesterday."

They obviously don't know what they're missing, and don't understand it. Therefore the natural human reaction is to shun it. Just have pity on the morons, take their fat jokes as compliments, and let that belly hang out!


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## GeorgeNL (Jan 20, 2006)

It's hard for me to imagine how it would be to be in your shoes. But it is also difficult for me to understand why so many people are blind for the breath-taking beauty of BBW and SSBBW. 

I wish (SS)BBWs could (and would) show off their wonderful round bellies with pride!

Anyway, never forget that even if only one person on this earth recognizes your beauty, you certainly are beautiful! 
Although I'm very certain, there are millions more.


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## EtobicokeFA (Jan 21, 2006)

The issue here is that more people need to at least learn some tolerance and respect for those who are larger. 

If need be, challenge the myths, as soon as they come up. If need be, show that fat people desire a space in the world too.


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## Rosie (Jan 21, 2006)

I don't get people staring at me or making rude comments. Either that, or I just don't notice LOL. When I'm in public, I don't really pay attention to other people unless it's somebody I am with.


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## mybluice (Jan 21, 2006)

I think I went through several evolutions of how I dealt with the negative comments.
When I was in grade school I was skinny up to about 2nd grade then I started gaining weight. Yes, the kids made terrible fun of me (note: there were only 13 of us in my class) so I became the bully. I could whoop the shit out of all of them boys included...they learned to respect me out of fear of going home with a black eye or such. 

Then high school started and I was no longer a big fish...there were more kids (note: only 76 in my graduating class) and I couldn't keep being the bully, so I decided to make friends with the boys. They wouldn't date me but I had a gaggle of guys that hung out with me all the time. Most of them had skinny girlfriends in our class. Some of the girls were not nice to me until their boyfriends (my friends) put them in their place. I do believe I was the only girl to go to prom with at least 4 guys (hahaha). Yes, comments were still made, but I learned to ignore them due to the persons ignorance.

In college I did the same as in high school. I had guy friends that were the hottest ones at school. I got invited to all the parties, joined a sorority and made several female friends, 2 of which I still do things with to this day. Again, comments were made, but I always took the high road and complimented the person for some aspect of themselves (this usually made them feel really small).

After college when I was living out on my own it was harder. Yes, people would point or make a comment. There were times that it really got me down, but I think mostly this was due to my own lack of self respect. I didn't like who I was, but it didn't matter how much dieting I did or how much I exercised I didn't lose any weight. It was after I had my daughter that I found out that my thyroid was barely functioning...in fact my docter (who I had been going to since I was a baby) said that it had probably started slowing down way back when I was in 2nd grade. Now after having my son it has completely stopped functioning.

I've met several men, mostly skinny and one BHM, who have claimed to be FA's and okay with how I look, but they never stuck around. After my last boyfriend I stopped dating, even looking for someone to date for over 3 years. When I finally decided I needed to get back in the dating pool I joined several of the online sites only to be disappointed. I've even had a guy before he even met me in person (yes, he saw a full length picture of me) ask me on our first phone call if I planned on losing weight because he couldn't see himself being sexually attracted to me. I told him where to go and hung up the phone...that really brought me down. 

I have a friend that I had been talking to this whole time and he told me about dimensions. I joined a little over a year ago and have to say the support from this group of people has really been great. I've been fortunate to meet a few of you guys and even attended my first NAAFA convention last August. 

Misty, we all go thru these slumps and I know it is especially hard when you have been rejected, but I do believe that people no matter how big or little they are can be the stupidest/rudist animals on this planet. When they do make their snippy little comments I think they are doing so because they have a low sense of self worth and feel compelled to pick on someone whom they deem deserves it. If it is a child or teenager it's because they have not been taught better manners. Example: at my son's babysitters her granddaughter said to me one day "You're really fat" I just looked at her and said Tori your mother has not taught you how to be polite...you don't say things like that to people because it hurts...would you want someone to say something mean to you...she said "no"...I told her to never say it again. Her grandmother told me oh she says that to everyone...I said well she needs to be reprimanded, so she won't. (I think I taught them both a lesson)

Now I'm just rambling. I always have this mantra in my mind..."looks can come and looks can go (I can be skinny or I can be fat) but what is on the inside will never change (who I am)"  

*hugs*


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## saucywench (Jan 21, 2006)

mybluice said:


> I I always took the high road and complimented the person for some aspect of themselves (this usually made them feel really small).


 
Oooh, that gives me a great idea for a comeback line:

Generic jackass: "Hey, you're fat."
Collective we: "Yes, I am. And I've noticed that you're really small."

It seems that perhaps the best way to deal with such dolts is to confound them. Offering a response like that will, if they get it, indeed put them in their place. For those who don't get it, it will at least leave them walking away scratching their heads and wondering what you meant. Beats _l'esprit d'escalier_.


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 21, 2006)

mybluice said:


> I think I went through several evolutions of how I dealt with the negative comments.
> When I was in grade school I was skinny up to about 2nd grade then I started gaining weight. Yes, the kids made terrible fun of me (note: there were only 13 of us in my class) so I became the bully. I could whoop the shit out of all of them boys included...they learned to respect me out of fear of going home with a black eye or such.
> 
> Then high school started and I was no longer a big fish...there were more kids (note: only 76 in my graduating class) and I couldn't keep being the bully, so I decided to make friends with the boys. They wouldn't date me but I had a gaggle of guys that hung out with me all the time. Most of them had skinny girlfriends in our class. Some of the girls were not nice to me until their boyfriends (my friends) put them in their place. I do believe I was the only girl to go to prom with at least 4 guys (hahaha). Yes, comments were still made, but I learned to ignore them due to the persons ignorance.
> ...




Love you Chica!


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