# How did you tell your significant other?



## FA117 (Jan 2, 2012)

Hi there, I've been looking at these forums for a while now, but this is my first ever post.  

Even through my many times on the forums, I have yet to see a thread addressing how most told their partner that they liked larger men/women. I'm rather young, 19, and I like bigger women, but as of now, I am dating a very thin girl (She's about 5'7" and 105lbs) and I find her beautiful the way she is, and don't get me wrong, I'd like more weight, but I definitely don't want to make her change or anything like that, I just want to get this out in the open now to have a 'No secrets' relationship. 

So basically, how did you all go about this? Maybe hearing from others will get my confidence up to tell her!


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## Webmaster (Jan 2, 2012)

FA117 said:


> Hi there, I've been looking at these forums for a while now, but this is my first ever post.
> 
> Even through my many times on the forums, I have yet to see a thread addressing how most told their partner that they liked larger men/women. I'm rather young, 19, and I like bigger women, but as of now, I am dating a very thin girl (She's about 5'7" and 105lbs) and I find her beautiful the way she is, and don't get me wrong, I'd like more weight, but I definitely don't want to make her change or anything like that, I just want to get this out in the open now to have a 'No secrets' relationship.
> 
> So basically, how did you all go about this? Maybe hearing from others will get my confidence up to tell her!



I was in your shoes once. At the time I was still very confused about my preference for fat women. I simply didn't know what it all meant. For all I knew, everyone was desiring something in their dreams, but perhaps there was a big difference between those dreams and real life. I just didn't know.

My attempts at explaining my inner workings to my girlfriend at the time were largely unsuccessful. I probably held back because I didn't want to make her feel like she was not what I wanted as we had a great relationship in most respects. But I was an emerging FA, though I didn't quite know yet what that meant. So I hemmed and hawed, but couldn't really tell her how I felt inside.

When I finally did succeed in telling her that I was really attracted to fat women, she simply didn't believe me and dismissed it as just a quirk. She told me to just go for it and get the quirk out of my system (those were sexually more permissive times). 

Well, it wasn't a quirk. I simply wanted and needed a fat partner in my life. And the rest is history.


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## Azrael (Jan 2, 2012)

I'm of the same age and honestly I would never really consider telling them, particularly if you are only starting to get to know a person.

If the women you're dating is thin and you tell her "I like bigger girls" there's a very good chance that someone will process that as "I don't like you since you're small" generally a reaction like that is to be avoided.

Me being me, I'd always take the conflict avoidance way of dealing with this and only talk about it when it can't be ignored anymore and is causing problems.

If you find her beautiful be honest and tell her you find her beautiful.
If you find her sexy be honest and tell her you find her sexy.

The only way I'd even consider telling someone something like this is if I judged them to be the type of person who isn't bothered by these sorts of things or if I've known them for quite some time (and feel there's enough trust to say something).

Other than that...I've never really liked the idea of "coming out" to anybody at all really. It is your private business, nobody should really have to be literally told about it.

Just live your life.

But I'm just someone of the same age who doesn't tell people this, as you can tell.


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## MadLordOfMilk (Jan 3, 2012)

I try to tell women up-front about it. Particularly if it's a thin girl I'm interested in, I feel like it's something they should know ahead of time. Generally, it gets positive reactions - or, at least, entertaining ones :happy:

How long have you and the girl been dating? If/when you tell her, make sure it's clear you're telling her because you don't want to hide anything from her. Also make sure it's clear that you _do_ find her attractive (I mean, you're in a relationship with her in the first place, right?).

Unfortunately, all the fancy wording in the word still won't prevent some people from assuming you think they're ugly, you wish they were fat, the sky is falling, etc. However, if they're already the type to read too far into what you're saying and always assume the worst... good luck with just about anything, let alone a simple conversation about your sexuality.


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## Clonenumber47 (Jan 3, 2012)

In my first real relationship, I was still "in the pantry" about my preferences. She was a larger woman, about 5'3 and 220/230. She was never happy with her own weight. One fine day she looked through my browser history and found I was a fan of Candy Godiva. She broke down crying that she didn't care what I was into, but she hated that I might associate her to someone of Candy's size. Our relationship went on for a while after that, but it wasn't meant to last.

After I dated her, I needed someone who was more comfortable about how she looks. I needed someone who was happy and also proud of her weight. 

My very next girl friend demanded that I change and become open about my preferences. So I changed. It was one of the best choices I could make.

Ever since then, I've been completely open with anyone I have gone out on dates with. I find it to be more freeing. I can't stress enough how important it is to be honest with someone you are involved with, more so when you talk about it early on.


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## musicman (Jan 4, 2012)

FA117 said:


> Even through my many times on the forums, I have yet to see a thread addressing how most told their partner that they liked larger men/women. I'm rather young, 19, and I like bigger women, but as of now, I am dating a very thin girl (She's about 5'7" and 105lbs) and I find her beautiful the way she is, and don't get me wrong, I'd like more weight, but I definitely don't want to make her change or anything like that, I just want to get this out in the open now to have a 'No secrets' relationship.



This doesn't make sense to me. If you really like fat women, why are you dating a "very thin" woman? Aren't there any fat women where you live? Do you want to tell her about your preference so you can break off the relationship? Because that is what's going to happen. Do you really think you can have a "no secrets" relationship, where she knows you don't appreciate her slenderness, and you want someone fatter? If she has any self-respect, she won't settle for that, and neither should you.

Rather than worrying about how to tell a thin girl that you prefer fat women, you should be asking yourself why you're not acting on your preference and being true to yourself. In other words, why aren't you dating a fat girl?


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## AuntHen (Jan 4, 2012)

FA117 said:


> Hi there, I've been looking at these forums for a while now, but this is my first ever post.
> 
> Even through my many times on the forums, I have yet to see a thread addressing how most told their partner that they liked larger men/women. I'm rather young, 19, and I like bigger women, but as of now, I am dating a very thin girl (She's about 5'7" and 105lbs) and *I find her beautiful the way she is*, and don't get me wrong, I'd like more weight, but I definitely don't want to make her change or anything like that, I just want to get this out in the open now to have a 'No secrets' relationship.
> 
> So basically, how did you all go about this? Maybe hearing from others will get my confidence up to tell her!




So are you attracted to women of all sizes or are you just dating a thin girl due to societal pressure or? Per your statement that I highlighted... your post is confusing to me. You find her beautiful the way she is but we are to not get you wrong, you want more weight on *her*?

I find this a bit contradictory.


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## FA117 (Jan 5, 2012)

musicman said:


> This doesn't make sense to me. If you really like fat women, why are you dating a "very thin" woman? Aren't there any fat women where you live? Do you want to tell her about your preference so you can break off the relationship? Because that is what's going to happen. Do you really think you can have a "no secrets" relationship, where she knows you don't appreciate her slenderness, and you want someone fatter? If she has any self-respect, she won't settle for that, and neither should you.
> 
> Rather than worrying about how to tell a thin girl that you prefer fat women, you should be asking yourself why you're not acting on your preference and being true to yourself. In other words, why aren't you dating a fat girl?



Sorry, I didn't mean to be so confusing. I would PREFER a bigger woman, for I just find that more attractive, but I still find her extremely beautiful the way she is. As for the "I'd like more weight", I honestly think she'd feel better that way, she's sick most of the time because she doesn't get enough energy through food, she eats on average of 1-2 times a day. 

And I didn't want to tell her to break-off the relationship, I just want everything to be in the open, she's always been saying she wants me to know everything about her, and vice versa. 

I hope this clears things up a little bit.


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## nahger1011 (Jan 5, 2012)

I told her by showing her sites like curvage and dimensions. I think she was surprised at first due to this not being the NORM and the fact that she had a boyfriend at one time that belittled her for not being thin enough at 120 lbs. 10 years into our relationship and she is at 205lbs now and is not actively gaining but is not trying to lose either. She is perfect and I love her any way she is.


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## musicman (Jan 5, 2012)

FA117 said:


> Sorry, I didn't mean to be so confusing. I would PREFER a bigger woman, for I just find that more attractive, but I still find her extremely beautiful the way she is. As for the "I'd like more weight", I honestly think she'd feel better that way, she's sick most of the time because she doesn't get enough energy through food, she eats on average of 1-2 times a day.
> 
> And I didn't want to tell her to break-off the relationship, I just want everything to be in the open, she's always been saying she wants me to know everything about her, and vice versa.
> 
> I hope this clears things up a little bit.



Thanks for the clarification. You're saying that you just want to stop your girlfriend from starving herself and get up to a healthy weight. That's very admirable, and something that we would all support, but I have to warn you that it's not a problem which many FAs have dealt with (for obvious reasons). If your girlfriend is borderline anorexic, then I think the last thing you want to do is tell her about FAs (or anything else we normally discuss here!). It would probably make her situation worse. Also, you might want to ask for advice on websites that deal with anorexia. Good luck to you.


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## PinkRodery (Jan 6, 2012)

I don't know how to help really... My current boyfriend knew about my preference before we got together. And even though he still seems to have a bit of trouble understanding that I love the fact that he has developed a little belly and such, he's fine with it.

I told my ex because he had gained some weight and kept sucking in and being weird about me touching his belly. When he asked how I could like touching him there, when he was so "pudgy", I simply told him I liked it and it was fine from there.


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## Captain Save (Jan 8, 2012)

When I was younger and dating I saw little need to discuss it, especially when the girls I dated were in the 350 to 400lb range and my physical reaction was evident when our bodies were close together. I'd like to think I treated a girl well enough that she was able to draw her own conclusions, but in retrospect it's pretty arrogant to assume and impossible to know for sure.

These days I don't really do much more than simple conversation, so it's not an issue as far as I can tell. I'll have to think about it for future relationships, that's for sure.


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## Fat Brian (Jan 10, 2012)

I wouldn't go through the whole FA thing with her, she seems like she's on the razors edge of having an eating disorder as it is now. I don't know how much you have invested in his relationship but it sounds like you need to choose if you want to pursue your FAness with a different partner or stay with your current one and keep your FA desires hidden from this one. You may be able to make small inroads with this one, but it sounds like getting her to eat three meals a day will be a challenge though. Again caution is advised, she sounds fragile.


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## Kenster102.5 (Jan 10, 2012)

I nipped it at the bud I put this in my OKCupid profile and in my POF profile, and that was...

"I like girls with a little extra pounds, to curvy, and even voluptuous. But hey I can find a lot of things about a girl attractive, as long as they aren`t thin."

Like some of the girls aren't BBWs but have curves...and I am okay with that. But I look at the body type first and then the personality second, but the personality is what makes the decisions.


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