# A rather intimate subject...



## TNT (Mar 7, 2006)

Okay ladies and FA's I need some help.....

I have noticed that many FA's love when I woman is on top. I have rather large legs and find this is not the easiest position for me to get into. I can't seem to get down far enough. HELP... what have you done to make this happen? I remeber when I was a little thinner and could do this, it was rather enjoyable hehehehehe

Please feel free to Private message me if you would rather not post out in the open... I would really like to hear some of the solutions. 

Thanks guys... you know I feel safe when I can talk about this in a forum!


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## Vince (Mar 7, 2006)

Dear TNT. I am always ready to assist ladies with big thighs. Your amazing revealing photo on your profile would indicate to the corporeal engineer in me that your flexible self should have no difficulty whatsoever in asserting yourself with a partner.


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## Emma (Mar 7, 2006)

I have EXACTLY the same problem. lol Can't help you there. 

Though I did read somewhere about someone lowering a weights bench to the right hight for the woman, him laying on it and she could support herself easily enough to do it.


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## Vince (Mar 7, 2006)

A trick I ran across that originated in South Africa is that the woman squats instead of sits on her partner. This might not work on a soft bed, though. Please experiment and post your ideas here. Gosh, you gals amaze me. Keep it up, though!


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## bigsexy920 (Mar 7, 2006)

Try him on sometihng more narrow with you being able to straddle him while he's on it. You would'nt be kneeling you would be standing,so this will allow you to get close and yo have more control that way. It should be a nice fit.


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## toni (Mar 7, 2006)

Vince said:


> A trick I ran across that originated in South Africa is that the woman squats instead of sits on her partner. This might not work on a soft bed, though. Please experiment and post your ideas here. Gosh, you gals amaze me. Keep it up, though!



Vince is right, this is a great position. It works especially well on the floor or even the couch (my favorite!). Its very comfortable and it enables you to feel full (wink wink ) pleasure. Also, depending on how flexible you are you can also sit on him with your legs up and out, you would have your back arched, holding on to his arms or shoulders for support while grinding. This one is also very hot!!!! I find men love it.


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## BeaBea (Mar 7, 2006)

Ummm, make him lie at the edge of the bed and then straddle him but keep one of your own feet on the floor. It gives you a chance to find a comfortable position to put the other leg into without taking any weight onto it and it minimises the chances of kneeling over him and having your knees lock up (ouch!) Holding on to the headboard is optional. 

Experiment a bit by trying different the different sides of the bed as you might find one leg is stronger than the other. You can also ring the changes by facing the other way. Gives great manouverability and worked fine at 525lbs.

<cough> or so I'm told


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## wrench13 (Mar 7, 2006)

As a FA who loves ladies with big thick legs, i am familiar with the problem! 

Have your partner put some ( or many ) pillows under him to raise his body off the bed. You should be able to sraddle him then. 

The weight lifting bench does work great, if you dont mind explaining to friends and family why you have a weight bench with sawn off legs lying around.


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## bigsexy920 (Mar 7, 2006)

wrench13 said:


> The weight lifting bench does work great, if you dont mind explaining to friends and family why you have a weight bench with sawn off legs lying around.



That's what I was talking about . Something narrow for him to be supported but narrow so it can be straddled.


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## RedHead (Mar 7, 2006)

The best use of an aerobic step with risers You can use the stackers to get to the right height and it's a solid surface so that you don't lose that errrr feeling (blush emoticon here)

If this position just isn't working, may I suggest you experiment with some others; i.e.; dgs


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## ciaobella (Mar 7, 2006)

wrench13 said:


> As a FA who loves ladies with big thick legs, i am familiar with the problem!
> 
> Have your partner put some ( or many ) pillows under him to raise his body off the bed. You should be able to sraddle him then.
> 
> The weight lifting bench does work great, if you dont mind explaining to friends and family why you have a weight bench with sawn off legs lying around.



I would definitely vouch for the pillows suggestion and also for the squating one (yes it works just fine on a soft bed and as an added bonus he gets to see you standing above him in all your glory as you come down to straddle him)...these are definitely tried, tested and true methods


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## NYEmtEsq (Mar 7, 2006)

Try reverse cowgirl (same position, except you face his feet). That puts the straddle point below the hips, instead of directly on top of the pelvis. You may be able to find that extra inch or two you're looking for.

Hope this helps


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## herin (Mar 7, 2006)

NYEmtEsq said:


> Try reverse cowgirl (same position, except you face his feet). That puts the straddle point below the hips, instead of directly on top of the pelvis. You may be able to find that extra inch or two you're looking for.
> 
> Hope this helps




Reverse cowgirl is a *great* position :smitten: Unless of course you're with a guy who really loves your belly.


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## TNT (Mar 7, 2006)

You Guys Rock!!! thanks for the ideas.. please keep them coming.... heheheheh.. I said coming


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## Angel (Mar 8, 2006)

Ummmm... yeah, like BeaBea described but with a chair placed next to you to hold on to for balance. The back of the chair faces the leg that the female is standing on.

Like Wrench said, either a pillow or a small firm cushion under his bottom.

Or.... borrow one of the backless benches from your country dining set. *giggles*

Or.... when you go for a walk in the woods, find a sturdy and firmly placed fallen tree.  mmmmhmmmmm *giggles*


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## gangstadawg (Mar 8, 2006)

Vince said:


> Dear TNT. I am always ready to assist ladies with big thighs. Your amazing revealing photo on your profile would indicate to the corporeal engineer in me that your flexible self should have no difficulty whatsoever in asserting yourself with a partner.


well on part of his post about your pic in profile. yeah thats a damn nice pic.


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## Recliner (Mar 8, 2006)

i like sex.


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## Ladyrose1952 (Mar 9, 2006)

Actually at 431 pounds and with legs as large as mine, I don't have any trouble putting my legs on either side of my man and taking my pleasure that way. 
I have always been strang and a big woman and have learned ways of having a good time and not making things difficult for myself or my partner.
I don't have to lay attop him either..... I don't have any problems unless it is on a harder surface and then it hurts my knees. But on a soft bed, I have no complaints with my performance. I prefer to feel a man's body next to mine. 
I*f truth be known, I prefer being in the saddle so to speak....TeeHee*


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## gangstadawg (Mar 10, 2006)

Recliner said:


> i like sex.


who doesnt?


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## Jes (Mar 10, 2006)

lots of people, sadly.


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## Mini (Mar 10, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> who doesnt?



Me. It's frightening.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 10, 2006)

Jes said:


> lots of people, sadly.


proly a bad experience or got raped when younger. depends on the situation and the adult.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 10, 2006)

yeah your a special case. or a virgin mini LOL.


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## Angel (Mar 10, 2006)

Mini said:


> Me. It's frightening.



Kinda scary when her quiet moans suddenly become blood-curdling shrieks of pleasure, and she contorts her back and begins howling, and her sharp fangs begin to appear, and her arms and legs sprout thick dark hair, and her chubby fingers lengthen, and her fingernails claw at and violently pierce your young tender flesh, huh?

"aaooowwWWWWWWWwwooooooooOOOOOOOoooooo!!!!!!"


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## Mini (Mar 10, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> yeah your a special case. or a virgin mini LOL.



A virgin. And special. And massive.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 11, 2006)

Angel said:


> Kinda scary when her quiet moans suddenly become blood-curdling shrieks of pleasure, and she contorts her back and begins howling, and her sharp fangs begin to appear, and her arms and legs sprout thick dark hair, and her chubby fingers lengthen, and her fingernails claw at and violently pierce your young tender flesh, huh?
> 
> "aaooowwWWWWWWWwwooooooooOOOOOOOoooooo!!!!!!"


or she takes control and forces you to do some crap in bed that you really dont wanna do. i had a bad experience once and this one bbw i was doing well i was on top at first but she flip that script pretty quick. she said you is mine motherF***er. and she tried to force me to "eat her out" when she tried to do that i was out the door. that girl was crazy.


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## Mini (Mar 11, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> or she takes control and forces you to do some crap in bed that you really dont wanna do. i had a bad experience once and this one bbw i was doing well i was on top at first but she flip that script pretty quick. she said you is mine motherF***er. and she tried to force me to "eat her out" when she tried to do that i was out the door. that girl was crazy.



And right you were to book it. A real man doesn't go down without a fight.


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## ripley (Mar 11, 2006)

Mini said:


> And right you were to book it. A real man doesn't go down without a fight.






HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Mini you are hilarious.


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## Vince (Mar 11, 2006)

> she said you is mine motherF***er. and she tried to force me to "eat her out" when she tried to do that i was out the door. that girl was crazy.



Well, gdog, you have to realise that some of those horny women have been spoiled by over-zealous admirers who not only perform for their country but for fat acceptance! You were lucky that is all she wanted you to do. Besides, you should have done that first without any encouragement. Goodness me what is this world coming to!


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## TallFatSue (Mar 11, 2006)

At my weight I really like the support of being on the bottom. My problem is not my legs (because they're both long and fat) but my arms really get tired when I'm on top. At my weight I really like the support of being flat on my back, and hubby loves to sink into my fat too. Of course the best part is the foreplay anyway, because he gives me the most ecstatic full body massages, and then I'm just putty in his hands.


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## Angel (Mar 11, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> or she takes control and forces you to do some crap in bed that you really dont wanna do. i had a bad experience once and this one bbw i was doing well i was on top at first but she flip that script pretty quick. she said you is mine motherF***er. and she tried to force me to "eat her out" when she tried to do that i was out the door. that girl was crazy.



That would be tramatizing, especially for an experienced adult male.

I don't quite understand, though. How did she try to force you? I'd like to know this because I may need to borrow her tactic some day if I meet a guy that _only_ wants *his*.

So far, I've been pretty lucky. Every guy I've been with has _wanted_ to kiss, lick, and enjoy eating dinner *before* enjoying his dessert. I'm sweet in more ways than one.


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## Angel (Mar 11, 2006)

Mini said:


> And right you were to book it. A real man doesn't go down without a fight.



I'll take a masculine man or a real fat admirer over one of those "real man" types anyday or night! I always thought the guys I've been with were real men, and not wusses! I never had to fight with even one of 'em! Every man I've encountered loves eating fresh glazed donuts! :eat2:


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## Sweet Tooth (Mar 11, 2006)

One trick, if you're on a bed, is to have him move to the very edge, so one side of his body is right up against it. Then, you can have one leg on the floor.

I'm all for the chair position [straddling him on the chair], but you have to get a good sturdy chair [padded helps, because of our weight pressing down]. I happen to be really into those steel chairs from the 60s that one sees on Law & Order. They hold my weight *very* well. How well this position works depends on the combination of your sizes.

I've heard about the bench thing, but I think a fat girl needs some leverage for leaning down, sitting back up straight, or just using arm strength when the legs start to tire [or go all jelly-like]. Make sure there's something sturdy to use for that nearby, as I've heard from FAs that they can bear our weight well when they're aroused but not so well after orgasm.

[Keeping this post intact, but I realize I'm reiterating things. Sorry!]


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## gangstadawg (Mar 11, 2006)

Vince said:


> Well, gdog, you have to realise that some of those horny women have been spoiled by over-zealous admirers who not only perform for their country but for fat acceptance! You were lucky that is all she wanted you to do. Besides, you should have done that first without any encouragement. Goodness me what is this world coming to!


i dont do the "eat out" thing( also known as "munch the muffin") and hopefully never will.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 11, 2006)

Angel said:


> That would be tramatizing, especially for an experienced adult male.
> 
> I don't quite understand, though. How did she try to force you? I'd like to know this because I may need to borrow her tactic some day if I meet a guy that _only_ wants *his*.
> 
> So far, I've been pretty lucky. Every guy I've been with has _wanted_ to kiss, lick, and enjoy eating dinner *before* enjoying his dessert. I'm sweet in more ways than one.


who said i got my sausage smoked before the girl asked me to do her muffin?
the girl wanted me to nibble on her muffin right off the bat and that girl had all her weight on me and she had me pinned down. im not a big guy im only 5ft 1inch maybe 2 inches and im about 180lbs. the girl was beyond the 320lb mark.


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## herin (Mar 11, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> i dont do the "eat out" thing( also known as "munch the muffin") and hopefully never will.




You really don't know what you're missing!


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## shygal (Mar 11, 2006)

u love to sit on hois lap when im on top we find this easier lol ok his legs might go numb but i love it, or just get a man with a BIGGER willy lol


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## TNT (Mar 11, 2006)

It's funny.. the older I get the more I want a man who is willing to go down town. It never used to bother me, but it could make or break a relationship... depending on if he is willing to give in other ways. Men, penetration is great, but there is more.....

What if you were never to get head?


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 11, 2006)

I find straddling very difficult as well. Something that has worked for me is instead of straddling, I can maneuver my legs straight out in front of me into a seated position on top of him with each leg stretched out on either side of his body. It is MUCH more comfortable and pleasurable for both if you can manage to get into this position. The guy I was dating had a foot fetish as well so having comfortable access to the whole of my legs and having my feet so near was an added bonus for him. Just be careful to make sure you have an extremely sturdy bed for this because the rocking gives the mattress and frame an awful beating.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 11, 2006)

TNT said:


> It's funny.. the older I get the more I want a man who is willing to go down town. It never used to bother me, but it could make or break a relationship... depending on if he is willing to give in other ways. Men, penetration is great, but there is more.....
> 
> What if you were never to get head?


well usually the girl gives me head before she wants the muffin munched but i make up some kind of excuse to get out of there.


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## Mini (Mar 11, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> well usually the girl gives me head before she wants the muffin munched but i make up some kind of excuse to get out of there.



Wow, a gentleman and a scholar. You're one for the ages, sir.


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## herin (Mar 11, 2006)

Originally Posted by gangstadawg
well usually the girl gives me head before she wants the muffin munched but i make up some kind of excuse to get out of there.



Mini said:


> Wow, a gentleman and a scholar. You're one for the ages, sir.




Well, that is one way to make sure you never get head from her again. You know, I used to date a guy like that. Thank god my dumbass finally wised up!

Mini, btw, I love your avatar!


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## leighcy (Mar 11, 2006)

TNT said:


> It's funny.. the older I get the more I want a man who is willing to go down town. It never used to bother me, but it could make or break a relationship... depending on if he is willing to give in other ways.



I feel the same way, honestly. And 10 years ago I couldn't have cared less. I think it's only fair that it works both ways when it comes to oral.


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## BBWBelle (Mar 11, 2006)

TallFatSue said:


> At my weight I really like the support of being on the bottom. My problem is not my legs (because they're both long and fat) but my arms really get tired when I'm on top.



Ditto what she said. I wondered if anyone else had the arms-tired thing; or aching wrist joints depending on the balance angle; my guy is a big guy and even with long legs, being on top is sometimes a cross between a trapeze act and riding a draft horse.

Not that I mind TOO much.


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## Santaclear (Mar 12, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> i dont do the "eat out" thing (also known as "munch the muffin") and hopefully never will.



Not fair. Better learn how, gangsta.


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## john_in_indy (Mar 12, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> well usually the girl gives me head before she wants the muffin munched but i make up some kind of excuse to get out of there.


I've lurked on this site for a long time (years) without ever feeling the need to post before, but you really need to try this out; not only for her, but for yourself.

Sexual pleasure is all about stimulating the brain, and "munching the muffin" (as you call it) works on all five senses. Obviously there's taste and smell, but your lips and tongue are filled with touch receptors and running them across the soft, smooth skin of your partner's "muffin" is a sensation that you don't want to miss out on. You can experiment with different techniques and see how she moans and thrusts her hips. AT the same time, both your hands are free to caress her soft flesh, and you can feel the heat of her thighs on your cheeks. If you don't give this at least one try, you're missing out on one of the greatest pleasures life has to offer.

Sorry if I got too graphic for some people, but we are describing a sex act here


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## americandookie (Mar 12, 2006)

john_in_indy said:


> I've lurked on this site for a long time (years) without ever feeling the need to post before, but you really need to try this out; not only for her, but for yourself.
> 
> Sexual pleasure is all about stimulating the brain, and "munching the muffin" (as you call it) works on all five senses. Obviously there's taste and smell, but your lips and tongue are filled with touch receptors and running them across the soft, smooth skin of your partner's "muffin" is a sensation that you don't want to miss out on. You can experiment with different techniques and see how she moans and thrusts her hips. AT the same time, both your hands are free to caress her soft flesh, and you can feel the heat of her thighs on your cheeks. If you don't give this at least one try, you're missing out on one of the greatest pleasures life has to offer.
> 
> Sorry if I got too graphic for some people, but we are describing a sex act here



Wooh... i just got all flustered... someone fan me, please!


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## herin (Mar 12, 2006)

Don't I know it! Talk about your descriptive powers. I just had to give the man some rep points for that!


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## Carrie (Mar 12, 2006)

john_in_indy said:


> I've lurked on this site for a long time (years) without ever feeling the need to post before, but you really need to try this out; not only for her, but for yourself.



Wow. The new guy is good people.


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## Jes (Mar 12, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> who said i got my sausage smoked before the girl asked me to do her muffin?
> .



Am I the only one who just got hungry for McDonald's? Sausage McMuffin, please. No--make that two!


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Mar 12, 2006)

BBWBelle said:


> Ditto what she said. I wondered if anyone else had the arms-tired thing; or aching wrist joints depending on the balance angle; my guy is a big guy and even with long legs, being on top is sometimes a cross between a trapeze act and riding a draft horse.
> 
> Not that I mind TOO much.



My arms tend to get tired too. (Not that I'm having ANY sex lately... Ugh.) Something I do when I am sexually active is spread my thighs as widely as possible and rest my hands on my hips or my upper thighs. I straighen my back to take the pressure off my legs and arms, and this puts most of my weight in my hips. MUCH nicer.


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## TNT (Mar 12, 2006)

john_in_indy said:


> I've lurked on this site for a long time (years) without ever feeling the need to post before, but you really need to try this out; not only for her, but for yourself.
> 
> Sexual pleasure is all about stimulating the brain, and "munching the muffin" (as you call it) works on all five senses. Obviously there's taste and smell, but your lips and tongue are filled with touch receptors and running them across the soft, smooth skin of your partner's "muffin" is a sensation that you don't want to miss out on. You can experiment with different techniques and see how she moans and thrusts her hips. AT the same time, both your hands are free to caress her soft flesh, and you can feel the heat of her thighs on your cheeks. If you don't give this at least one try, you're missing out on one of the greatest pleasures life has to offer.
> 
> Sorry if I got too graphic for some people, but we are describing a sex act here




Mylanta... if this is what lurking does for someone.. I am hitting on lurkers from now on! I have the vapers!!!!!


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## TraciJo67 (Mar 12, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> well usually the girl gives me head before she wants the muffin munched but i make up some kind of excuse to get out of there.



gangstadawg, will you marry me? 

I'm married already, and reasonably happy with my "muffin munching" guy, but dammit, he lacks your charm and grace. I've fallen in love. Yes, I have.


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## TraciJo67 (Mar 12, 2006)

Mini said:


> Wow, a gentleman and a scholar. You're one for the ages, sir.


     
Wish I would have seen this before posting my own (lame) comeback. I'm still snickering, as I type. 

You're one for the ages, sir.


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## dragorat (Mar 12, 2006)

In the begining I wasn't much of a giver orally but as time's gone on I've adapted.Let's just say an old friend says I've definitely improved with age...:eat2:


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## ssbbwlover2 (Mar 12, 2006)

Giving oral is as much fun as receiving. It is something that should be mutual.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Mar 12, 2006)

Haven't read the whole thread, but here's something that may be of interest to those in the NYC area:

_*Big Love 101*
Sunday, March 26, 08:00PM, $30
We know sexy bodies come in all shapes and sizes: big, Rubenesque, hot, and heavy! Join Babelands fiercest sex educators as they share vital communication skills and self-esteem building exercises in a positive setting for people of all body types. Learn the best positions, size-friendly sex toys, and essential tools for loving yourself and your partner._

http://www.babeland.com/events/ 

Hanne Blank has taught this workshop before, but this one's conducted by someone named QueenTushy, who appears to be either a butch gay woman or a femme gay man. Toys in Babeland is a woman-owned, woman-centric sex toy shop on the Lower East Side. I love the idea of them, but oddly enough, nothing there speaks to me. However. It's right between Economy Candy (home of goodies from your childhood) and Orchard Corset (bra shop with more attitude than I've ever seen in a bra shop). If you like buying fringed thongs from a big Hasidic gentleman, as his mother absent-mindedly squeezes your breasts, this is the place for you.


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## americandookie (Mar 12, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> Haven't read the whole thread, but here's something that may be of interest to those in the NYC area:
> 
> _*Big Love 101*
> Sunday, March 26, 08:00PM, $30
> ...



That does sound rather interesting... thanks for sharing!


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## JerseyBigBoy (Mar 12, 2006)

It's right between Economy Candy...[/QUOTE said:


> Man, is that place GREAT! I loved the lower east side and Economy candy had the best orange flavored chocolate I ever tasted. You could buy a brick of that.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Mar 12, 2006)

Corrections:

1) Toys in Babeland is apparently now calling themselves simply Babeland. I am SO behind in my marital aids news. So sorry.

2) The workshop isn't in their Lower East Side location, but their store on Mercer in SoHo. There are no Hasidic gentlemen in SoHo. Nor bras bigger than a 32B. Again, awfully sorry.

3) When I said nothing in the store "speaks to me," I did not mean to suggest I'd put dildoes against my ear and listened. While it is a comical visual to ponder, they're quite strict about the "you use it, you buy it" thing, and apparently the ear is technically an orifice.


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## chubbychaser48 (Mar 12, 2006)

I LOVE going down on my partner!! For me anyway, if I can make my partner cum (hopefully repetedly) before we start making love, its MUCH more satisfying. In my book - if you dont do that for your partner, you're most likely missing out on much better sex in the end. Not to mention the thrill of having two nice big soft thighs clamped around your head and "bucking " forcefully into your face.....oh .... excuse me I got carried away.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 12, 2006)

for one thing i dont have a girlfriend yet. i have a girl im trying to get with but we havnt made it that far yet and women before her that i had sex with i was not going down any of them. now if i had a wife i would proly "lick the honey pot" but only in that situation.


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## Jes (Mar 12, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> If you like buying fringed thongs from a big Hasidic gentleman, as his mother absent-mindedly squeezes your breasts, this is the place for you.


Do I? DO I?? 

will you take me, someday?


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## Vince (Mar 12, 2006)

Gdawg, you probably are typical of lots of men and are just being honest about what turns you on. I remember when I first heard that someone did that oral stuff. A big German guy was telling us and we all looked at each other wondering what the heck he was talking about. He would see we were amazed and confused so would tell us even more graphic details. I doubt he convinced any of us. We just thought he was crazy. 

Years later I met a crazy guy at uni who would talk about muff diving all the time. He even paid prostitutes to let him go down on them! Then he would relate his stories to us in the gym and we would wonder when he was going to be admitted into a mental asylum. I got to share meals with him one summer when we were both doing summer school at uni. He would talk all the time about his favourite passion. I got to see that he liked to do that because he felt empowered pleasing women. I mean, he would look at women in the cafeteria and comment about what he would like to do with them. After this kind of exposure I got to thinking that whatever he did it must be something wonderful to make him so zealous. So there you have it, sometimes passions evolve and sometimes we learn from our friends. 

I think that reciprocity covers any obligation about sex. I think men should initiate lots of things instead of waiting to be thrilled.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 12, 2006)

wait a sec let me make sure i read this post right.
some guy you over heard paid prostitutes to let him go oral!?! is he trying to catch some thing.


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## Miss Vickie (Mar 12, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> Corrections:
> 
> 1) Toys in Babeland is apparently now calling themselves simply Babeland. I am SO behind in my marital aids news. So sorry.



Darn. I always really liked that name! *pout* Of course, it shows how far behind I am, too. Since leaving Seattle, it's just not the same for me. I'm used to going there and people watching, picking up a couple of things, and then getting coffee at a local cafe and doing even MORE people watching.

(Can you tell I miss Seattle? *sigh*).



> 3) When I said nothing in the store "speaks to me," I did not mean to suggest I'd put dildoes against my ear and listened. While it is a comical visual to ponder, they're quite strict about the "you use it, you buy it" thing, and apparently the ear is technically an orifice.



Damn, you're missing out.  Hee. Actually, I remember "back in the day" at Good Vibrations in San Francisco where they had, reportedly, a "special room" where you could sample the merchandise. Being a very naive 18 year old at the time, I never got the nerve to check it out. But my imagination sure ran wild since at the time I was a baby dyke wannabe. (Times have sure changed!)


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## Vince (Mar 12, 2006)

Yes, Gdawg, you heard right. Barry did pay prostitutes to let him do oral on them. He would kneel while they were sitting in a chair looking down at him and make comments, like "ooh, you naughty boy!" We just looked at each other and thought this guy was completely whacko! He never had a girlfriend or anything. Well, one day I went with him to find a prostitute and heard with my own ears him ask her if she does French. Well, the gal looked at him and told him no. He then said he meant can he do it to her! She smiled and said that was different. So off he went and I waited around until he finished and came back with a big grin on his face and told me all about it! There were no aids in those days, so things were safer. Now make sure you tell your mates about Barry and his adventures. It is a bizarre story but absolutely true.


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## Tina (Mar 12, 2006)

_Quote:
Originally Posted by gangstadawg
well usually the girl gives me head before she wants the muffin munched but i make up some kind of excuse to get out of there._



Mini said:


> Wow, a gentleman and a scholar. You're one for the ages, sir.



Mini, I'm still laughing at this a few minutes later. You are the master of dry understatement.


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## TraciJo67 (Mar 12, 2006)

Tina said:


> _Quote:
> Originally Posted by gangstadawg
> well usually the girl gives me head before she wants the muffin munched but i make up some kind of excuse to get out of there._
> 
> ...



Tina, I'm laughing about it, imagining *you* laughing about it. This is one incident that I have a feeling I'll be giggling about (during outrageously inapporpriate times, like in a boring meeting) for days later.


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## Tina (Mar 12, 2006)

Heh. I like the thought of that, Traci.


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## Jes (Mar 13, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> wait a sec let me make sure i read this post right.
> some guy you over heard paid prostitutes to let him go oral!?! is he trying to catch some thing.


This is actually pretty common, gdawg. Men like paying prostitutes for the chance for a variety of reasons.


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## Vince (Mar 13, 2006)

Now don't you ladies go ganging up on the Dawgman! Wasn't he the guy who pulled a superduper phone number or something? Well, he has a preference for _*not doing *_some of that monkey business. Heck, that is his business but now it is board business. Don't ya'all go get nasty and make fun of this dude because he seems okay by me. We blokes have got to stick together, you know. 

Now, Mr superdawg you listen good. What you need is some field experience. What I am going to tell you is men's business and you keep this precious stuff to yourself, you hear? Well, next time you go south what I want you to do is get a flashlight and have a good look around. That way you can see there is nothing scary there and things will be fine. You don't have to ask for permission just do this as an education project for the board. Once you see the topography and plumbing you will be right to undertake any amourous considerations, etc. Don't think you are ever going to understand all that women's business because it ain't going to happen.


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## Vince (Mar 13, 2006)

Sorry, Gdawg, I don't recommend you do this on the first date! Wait until the 2nd time and things will be fine!


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## gangstadawg (Mar 13, 2006)

i usually dont have sex on the 1st or 2nd date unless the girl initiates it. i usually dont do it until the 3rd or 4th so i wont look like a guy just trying to have sex which im not just trying to do..


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## rainyday (Mar 13, 2006)

Vince, that actually made me laugh. In fact, I'm still chuckling.


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## Vince (Mar 13, 2006)

Gdawg is funnier than me because he is serious!


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## ripley (Mar 13, 2006)

rainyday said:


> Vince, that actually made me laugh. In fact, I'm still chuckling.



I've had "You....light up my life....you give me hope....to carry on" going through my head for two hours now, lol.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Mar 13, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> i usually dont do it until the 3rd or 4th so i wont look like a guy just trying to have sex which im not just trying to do..


That much is clear.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Mar 13, 2006)

Jes said:


> Do I? DO I??
> 
> will you take me, someday?


Sure, Chica. 'Tis a very special place.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 13, 2006)

Jes said:


> This is actually pretty common, gdawg. Men like paying prostitutes for the chance for a variety of reasons.


yeah i know that i was saying why the hell is he taking a chance on catching some disease.


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## Jes (Mar 13, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> yeah i know that i was saying why the hell is he taking a chance on catching some disease.


Uh, because he likes it? I mean, isn't that the answer to most questions like this? It might be the very taboo-ness or riskiness of it that turns him on. In any case, I'm going to guess that catching a disease through performing oral sex on a female prostitute is pretty low on the scale of sexual activity (at least for the more significant diseases).


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Mar 13, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> yeah i know that i was saying why the hell is he taking a chance on catching some disease.



Jes is correct. The more exposure to air, the less likely a STD will be contracted. This is why anal is considered so risky, vaginal less so, and oral pretty safe.


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## herin (Mar 13, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> yeah i know that i was saying why the hell is he taking a chance on catching some disease.




Well, I think that's a very good question. You could always just use a dental dam.


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## TraciJo67 (Mar 13, 2006)

Santaclear said:


> Good suggestion about the flashlight, Vince. I use one of those miner's caps with the light on the front.



  :shocked:


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## Santaclear (Mar 13, 2006)

Vince said:


> Well, next time you go south what I want you to do is get a flashlight and have a good look around. That way you can see there is nothing scary there and things will be fine.



Good idea about the flashlight, Vince. I use one of those miner's caps with the light on the front.


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## missaf (Mar 13, 2006)

This brings up the most wonderfully funny device I've seen a man use on a SSBBW, and she LOVED it, ROFL.

It's called the p*ssy Snorkel, lol! I won't link to it as it's probably not appropriate per the rules, but you can go find it.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 14, 2006)

missaf said:


> This brings up the most wonderfully funny device I've seen a man use on a SSBBW, and she LOVED it, ROFL.
> 
> It's called the p*ssy Snorkel, lol! I won't link to it as it's probably not appropriate per the rules, but you can go find it.



Sounds like it's right up my alley! How about a private link eh?


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## Boteroesque Babe (Mar 14, 2006)

Sakes alive, that's an adorable little gadget, Missa! No FA toolbox should be without one.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 14, 2006)

OMFG LOL!!!! she wasnt lying.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Mar 14, 2006)

I'm still marveling at the genius of the idea. The elegance of the design. The fact that "stimulator" is universal code for "this part will get in the way - just go with it."

And I can't help thinking it will make the hot tub experience even more relaxing. With fewer fatalities.

Thanks again for hippin' us, Missa.


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## Jes (Mar 14, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> I'm still marveling at the genius of the idea. The elegance of the design. The fact that "stimulator" is universal code for "this part will get in the way - just go with it."
> 
> And I can't help thinking it will make the hot tub experience even more relaxing. With fewer fatalities.
> 
> Thanks again for hippin' us, Missa.


I'm going to buy one for Gangsta, and suggest he use it and report back to us. Gangsta, you'd do that for us, right? For research purposes only? C'mon, be a team player! Or rather, team playa.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 14, 2006)

the only girl that i could try it on is the girl i made the thread about. but i havent talked to her in at least 3 weeks due to how busy i am. i tried calling her yesterday and day before yesterday and she isnt answering her phone.


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## Jes (Mar 14, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> the only girl that i could try it on is the girl i made the thread about. but i havent talked to her in at least 3 weeks due to how busy i am. i tried calling her yesterday and day before yesterday and she isnt answering her phone.


Well text her and tell her you want to go down on her. She'll pick up!


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## saucywench (Mar 14, 2006)

And made by Dr. Dick Head, no less...  



Boteroesque Babe said:


> Sakes alive, that's an adorable little gadget, Missa! No FA toolbox should be without one.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Mar 14, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> the only girl that i could try it on is the girl i made the thread about. but i havent talked to her in at least 3 weeks due to how busy i am. i tried calling her yesterday and day before yesterday and she isnt answering her phone.


Maybe she has self-worth and Caller ID. Also known as The Selfish Lover Repellent Package.

Try smoke signals, G-Dawg.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 14, 2006)

umm i havent had sex with the girl yet. so i would end up doing her for the first time and eating her out too. personally IF i was gonna eat her out it wouldnt be during sex for the first time with her. maybe the third time we had sex. but ill have to see. she lives ain lansing,mi and i live in detroit. the only time i see her is when she has a break so she come back to detroit.


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## Jes (Mar 14, 2006)

Oh, for god's sakes, fine, fine. I'll do it! Give me her number, and I'LL DO IT already!
*sigh*


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## gangstadawg (Mar 14, 2006)

Jes said:


> Oh, for god's sakes, fine, fine. I'll do it! Give me her number, and I'LL DO IT already!
> *sigh*


WHAT!!!!!!! dont you think that we are working this kinda fast? i mean i only went out with the girl twice to the movies ( i was trying to take it slow). and also she might be offended if she knew about me posting about her here. and she is at school right now.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Mar 14, 2006)

Wait until the third time and there may not _be_ a third time.

But seriously, you owe it to yourself to at least try it, Gangsta. If you truly dig this girl, it'll likely be a great experience.

See if them snorkel people offer rush delivery.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 14, 2006)

but she wont be back in D-town untill spring break. i know that for a fact. what makes you think she is gonna waste gas money to rush her ass over to my house ( i cant DO her in my house) for just this? detroit from lansing is like at least an hour drive.


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## Vince (Mar 14, 2006)

Now, girls, I detect a bit of teasing going on with the Dawgman. Maybe you good gals can draw lots and see who the lucky winner is to give our hapless mate a guided tour of the French abode. I am sure if you approached this as a hygiene lesson that reluctance of his would evaporate in the hot tub. Don't intimidate him with visions of bizarre apparatus that would destroy any tender notions he might be entertaining. Maybe one day he will proudly wear a T-shirt that says, "*Cunnilingus spoken here!*"


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## Boteroesque Babe (Mar 14, 2006)

Vince said:


> Don't intimidate him with visions of bizarre apparatus that would destroy any tender notions he might be entertaining.


The Dawg recounts thusly:

_"well usually the girl gives me head before she wants the muffin munched but i make up some kind of excuse to get out of there."_

Yeah. That's just dripping with tender notions.


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## TNT (Mar 14, 2006)

Dawg, if you don't want to look like someone who is just out to have sex.. EAT HER MAN.. jeepers, that is all about pleasing her. 

Youngin's I swear!


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## gangstadawg (Mar 14, 2006)

TNT said:


> Dawg, if you don't want to look like someone who is just out to have sex.. EAT HER MAN.. jeepers, that is all about pleasing her.
> 
> Youngin's I swear!


but i havent even had sex with her yet for the first. your telling me to eat her right off the bat. she technically isnt even my girlfriend YET. and if we get to the sex point finding a place to that is well unknown unless we do it at a motel. we cant do it in the house i live in because both my grandma and my mom and my sister live there and they are home all day and im not gonna get my ass kicked out for this.


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## Tina (Mar 14, 2006)

Oh man, this is just too hilarious.


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## Mini (Mar 14, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> but i havent even had sex with her yet for the first. your telling me to eat her right off the bat. she technically isnt even my girlfriend YET. and if we get to the sex point finding a place to that is well unknown unless we do it at a motel. we cant do it in the house i live in because both my grandma and my mom and my sister live there and they are home all day and im not gonna get my ass kicked out for this.



Oh, come now, a real gangsta takes no shit from nobody. Just show her your foh-tay, dawg. She'll come around.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 14, 2006)

Mini said:


> Oh, come now, a real gangsta takes no shit from nobody. Just show her your foh-tay, dawg. She'll come around.


um i have to take shit from my mom and my grandma considering i live in there house. if i had my own place then i would'nt. and my grandma doesnt want me doing any woman in her house especially BBWs. she hates big people in general and she is a hipocrite because she weighs like 210lbs. and sneaking and doing it with the girl from the thread i posted is IMPOSSIBLE because the girl is between 350 and 400lbs so she is to big to sneak into the house and my room is upstairs.


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## Miss Vickie (Mar 14, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> The Dawg recounts thusly:
> 
> _"well usually the girl gives me head before she wants the muffin munched but i make up some kind of excuse to get out of there."_
> 
> Yeah. That's just dripping with tender notions.



As my 15 year old daughter is fond of saying, "Yeah, break me off a piece of THAT!", a saying I'm sorry to say I've borrowed from time to time.


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## Jes (Mar 14, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> Yeah. That's just dripping with tender notions.


'Tender notions.' How'd you know that's what I've nicknamed my....parts?


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## rainyday (Mar 14, 2006)

So THAT was my problem in college. I just wasn't sneakable.


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## Carrie (Mar 14, 2006)

rainyday said:


> So THAT was my problem in college. I just wasn't sneakable.



Size-ism, I tell you. I'm stealthy like a goddamn marmot.


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## TNT (Mar 14, 2006)

I was soooooooooooooo sneakable... the light would go on and they would hide behind me!


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## Vince (Mar 14, 2006)

I gotta tell you G-dawg that you have a lot of fun ahead of you what with the nice gals here encouraging and telling you what to do. Let me warn you though because you are gonna hear some yelling and screaming if you do what they suggest. Make sure if you sneak your supergal into your home that you seal the doors and close the windows! We don't want anyone calling the police you know!


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## missaf (Mar 14, 2006)

I think Tina has the right idea, this thread is too damn funnay!


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## Santaclear (Mar 14, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> we cant do it in the house i live in because both my grandma and my mom and my sister live there and they are home all day and im not gonna get my ass kicked out for this.



Aw, go ahead. We'll wait downstairs here with your family and and cover for you.


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## Santaclear (Mar 14, 2006)

missaf said:


> This brings up the most wonderfully funny device I've seen a man use on a SSBBW, and she LOVED it, ROFL.
> It's called the p*ssy Snorkel, lol! I won't link to it as it's probably not appropriate per the rules, but you can go find it.



In "The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau" I think they used a contraption like that.


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## Tina (Mar 14, 2006)

ROFL! Good God, I hope not! Well, not without a shark cage, anyway!


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## Isa (Mar 14, 2006)

Santaclear said:


> In "The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau" I think they used a contraption like that.



Probably where Dr. Head saw it first as well.


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## swamptoad (Mar 15, 2006)

This has been a quite interesting and entertaining thread.  :shocked: 

Now....I don't wanna go off topic or hijack this thread...but I wanted to share some quotes with you all:

________________________________________________________________

Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex 
- Barbara Cartland

It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;-- it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others." 
- Jane Austin

"I'm suggesting we call sex something else, and it should include everything from kissing to sitting close together."
- Shere Hite 

"Sex is hardly ever just about sex."
- Shirley MacLaine

"You mustn't force sex to do the work of love or love to do the work of sex."
- Mary McCarthy 

"It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover."
- Marge Piercy 

Sex is an emotion in motion.
- Mae West
______________________________________________


....and....carry on!


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## gangstadawg (Mar 15, 2006)

Vince said:


> I gotta tell you G-dawg that you have a lot of fun ahead of you what with the nice gals here encouraging and telling you what to do. Let me warn you though because you are gonna hear some yelling and screaming if you do what they suggest. Make sure if you sneak your supergal into your home that you seal the doors and close the windows! We don't want anyone calling the police you know!


how the hell do I sneak a girl that weighs 400lbs ( she is pretty wide) into my room upstairs (the stairs are squeaky as hell) and a little sister who wont go to damn sleep at night and my grandmas room is across the hall from the door way to my room and she can look at the door from her room. the only solutions to this problem is to 
A: get my own place which is gonna take a while
B:motel for like 2 hours
C: in a car but the girl may not fit the back seat to good to do the dirty dirty.
D: her house.


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## Vince (Mar 15, 2006)

Some years ago when my son was a kid he had a mate stay over night. I think the boys were about 9 or 10. Well, we had a young women staying at our place and her bedroom was across the hall from where the boys were sleeping. The next day they reported that they thought someone was killed during the night. We wondered how on earth they thought that. Well, they swore they heard someone was being killed. Where did the noises come from we asked. The woman's room! They said they went up and put their ears up against the door and the sounds were coming from inside. She had an outside entrance and had her boyfriend over. I guess she made him go down on her or something because it was some session. She sure was embarrassed when we told her what happened!

Now, G-dawg, that little sister of yours is a worry. You gotta think this thing through. Maybe get that brat to stay over at a friend's house? Use your head and make it happen. Don't worry about granny, just tell her you need a tutor or something. She won't be able to hear you, anyway. 

I can tell you are raring to go. Is there any way you two can have a shower together? You know, to prepare the situation and have some fun at the same time. Look, here is the deal, if you promise to do the right thing and then report back to the board I will pay for the dang motel room. You might need longer than a couple of hours. Make up some excuse and stay overnight. Heck, you gotta get serious about this stuff. You are representing all of us admirers you know. So don't slag off and not do your best. No fair getting drunk. Share a bottle of wine but that is it. You know what to do now go get her!


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## Jes (Mar 15, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> how the hell do I sneak a girl that weighs 400lbs ( she is pretty wide) into my room upstairs (the stairs are squeaky as hell) and a little sister who wont go to damn sleep at night and my grandmas room is across the hall from the door way to my room and she can look at the door from her room. the only solutions to this problem is to
> A: get my own place which is gonna take a while
> B:motel for like 2 hours
> C: in a car but the girl may not fit the back seat to good to do the dirty dirty.
> ...




Good thinkin'. I like E best.


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## Kong (Mar 15, 2006)

My first large girl friend wasn't easy to slide in or sneakable


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## gangstadawg (Mar 15, 2006)

well i just talked to her i may not see her till either april or may because i missed calling her for her colleges spring break.


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## Jes (Mar 15, 2006)

Well now whose fault is that? This relationship between us (you and all of Dim) is never going to work out if you can't be called upon to phone this woman in a timely fashion!

Kids today!


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## gangstadawg (Mar 15, 2006)

her colleges spring break was last week. i was busy that week.


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## Jes (Mar 15, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> her colleges spring break was last week. i was busy that week.


Look, no offense? But this just isn't working out. I think it's time we started seeing other people, dawg. We can still be friends and all.


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## Vince (Mar 16, 2006)

Look, G-dawg, you got cold feet plain and simple. No use beating around the bush and coming up with those weak excuses. You can't fool the smart gals here. We were all rooting for you and you messed up. Now what are we supposed to do, huh? Wait until summer? 

You need Plan B. That is you have to risk your ego and call up someone else. With your new armoury of love tricks you are going to be so hot they are going to know you interstate! Trust me here. Now get out there and find someone else. All you single guys have a duty to befriend a nice gal because you are making someone dateless because you are doing nothing. Heck, it doesn't cost much to make a phone call.


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## Emma (Mar 16, 2006)

Oh gangstadawg, you are so clueless it makes me laugh! 

If you like a girl why would you wait 3 weeks to call her? I'm sure you have a spare 5 minutes here or there to say "hello" and don't tell me you don't because you managed to get online. 

You don't want to go down on a girl the first time you sleep with her? huh?!? What do you wanna do? Stick it in, get off and then that's it? Where's her fun? 


On the subject but directed to everyone lol. I'm all me me me in bed and if a guy doesn't like it he doesn't have to sleep with me! lol I don't give head, lol but then again I don't like actual sex very much at all, but i'll do it coz that's his bit. lol


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## Ernest Nagel (Mar 16, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> I find straddling very difficult as well. Something that has worked for me is instead of straddling, I can maneuver my legs straight out in front of me into a seated position on top of him with each leg stretched out on either side of his body. It is MUCH more comfortable and pleasurable for both if you can manage to get into this position. The guy I was dating had a foot fetish as well so having comfortable access to the whole of my legs and having my feet so near was an added bonus for him. Just be careful to make sure you have an extremely sturdy bed for this because the rocking gives the mattress and frame an awful beating.



Definitely concur with Lilly on this. Feet forward big gal on top ROCKS!!!!:shocked: I prefer to have her bend her legs and tuck her heels under or toward my back so I can use her calves to slide her gently back and forth on my member. A little skill and an average or better johnson seems to make this the best bet for mutual climax with SSBBW, in my experience anyway. You have to work a little to get it in the right place but once you're there it's INCREDIBLE for both parties. A partner in this position once told me this was the only time in her life she ever wished she'd weighed MORE. Skinny chicks never get it so good and this is the number one reason someone would convert to FA if they weren't smart enough to be one to begin with.


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## Ernest Nagel (Mar 16, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> Sakes alive, that's an adorable little gadget, Missa! No FA toolbox should be without one.


Where do I get one??!!?? Now I can stay down for DAYS! That damn scuba tank was SO uncomfortable; cold too. Move over sliced bread! This is the new gold standard for "greatest thing since..."!


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## Tina (Mar 16, 2006)

Can anyone use one of these things without sending their partner into the kind of hysterics that would ruin any potential orgasm while the 'snorkel' was in use?


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## Jes (Mar 16, 2006)

Tina said:


> Can anyone use one of these things without sending their partner into the kind of hysterics that would ruin any potential orgasm while the 'snorkel' was in use?


Have you ever seen the penis that's connected to the chin strap? I don't want to mock, because all of these things have their uses but...ok, I want to mock. I bet I'd like trying them out, too, but there is always the giggle factor.

I also have sex questions, but I don't think I want to ask them in public. Everyone prepare for PMs.


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## TNT (Mar 16, 2006)

I imagine it sounds like that sucking thing at the dentist.... you know, the one that always catches your tongue... this snokel thing is not sound good to me anymore.:shocked:


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## AnnMarie (Mar 16, 2006)

I cannot believe I have missed so much of this thread. 

1) dawg couldn't reach her because she read this thread and was horribly disappointed there were no cookies from south of the border coming her way. 

2) if any guy ever came near me with that scuba contraption, I'd freak out.

3) It's rare I come across a guy anymore who's not REALLY into oral sex (giving, I mean). If a guy isn't into it, I don't want him doing it (no more horrible feeling than someone doing something reluctantly) and if he isn't doing it, I'm not going to be around long. I LOVE it, basically a requirement for the way I work. 

4) Go south or go home.


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## Vince (Mar 16, 2006)

You folks gotta understand we have to be gentle with the G-dawg. I mean, what with unthinking Samaritans posting images that would frighten any decent young'un. If you are sincere you would recommend only genuine apparatus that has been personally field tested. Otherwise, this whole exercise turns into a joke and our hapless Dawgman is teetering already wondering what to do. Those ladies who post graphic descriptions of sitting on top or astride had better be careful. And none of that reverse Cowgirl position either! Dawgman is fearless but he ain't loco! He has to finish prep school before tackling any advanced gymnastics. 

Here I was leading our reluctant licker along step by step and almost got the big gal upstairs, squeaky boards and all. Now, you people help him become a better person. We don't want him to even think that some gals will sense he is reluctant. Heck, he is gonna be pleasantly surprized and he owes us a full account of his first adventure to the Y.


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## Carrie (Mar 16, 2006)

Jes said:


> Good thinkin'. I like E best.



I've been trying to come up with a p***y snorkel/the bends joke all day, unsuccessfully.


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## Vince (Mar 16, 2006)

Hey, AM, you didn't mention anything about (5) using a flashlight to explore the plumbing. Guess that would be okay, then?


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## Vince (Mar 16, 2006)

You see, good people, I am worried about the G-dawg. I mean, he sounds like a sensitive new age guy who is just experiencing a bit of bad luck. His heart is in the right place. However, you have to consider that he is going to be affected by what he reads here and some of you gals are way too liberal and graphic. What is he going to tell his mates? You see, I worry that he might get a bit kinky from all this position stuff, apparatus photos, and oral sex. Goodness me what will become of him with unhealthy thoughts like that in his head? Next thing he will be using mirrors and trying all manner of devices and aids. We want to keep a sense of proportion here and make sure he believes in love and not objectify any nice gal just because he has some homework to finish.


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## Santaclear (Mar 16, 2006)

Tina said:


> Can anyone use one of these things without sending their partner into the kind of hysterics that would ruin any potential orgasm while the 'snorkel' was in use?



The snorkel also comes with a comedy laugh track CD, Tina, that the user is supposed to play during the act to drown out the real-life guffaws and giggles.


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## Carrie (Mar 16, 2006)

Santaclear said:


> The snorkel also comes with a comedy laugh track CD, Tina, that the user is supposed to play during the act to drown out the real-life guffaws and giggles.



You, sir, are a thief of words. "Guffaw", indeed. Hmph.


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## AnnMarie (Mar 16, 2006)

Vince said:


> Hey, AM, you didn't mention anything about (5) using a flashlight to explore the plumbing. Guess that would be okay, then?




I guess I missed that part. I'll have to say no on that one as well.


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## SoVerySoft (Mar 16, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> ... If a guy isn't into it, I don't want him doing it (no more horrible feeling than someone doing something reluctantly)....



yup. what she said.


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## SoVerySoft (Mar 16, 2006)

I've been aware of the snorkel for a few years but I think it wouldn't really work on a fat girl, especially.

If a gal is really fat, having that contraption against the guy's face seems like it would get in the way of him getting where he needs to go. I mean, the guy really needs to get CLOSE, to do the job right.

I haven't had anyone use it with me, but I really do think it only seems like a good idea, but it isn't practical.


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## Santaclear (Mar 16, 2006)

SoVerySoft said:


> I've been aware of the snorkel for a few years but I think it wouldn't really work on a fat girl, especially.
> I haven't had anyone use it with me, but I really do think it only seems like a good idea, but it isn't practical.



Doesn't seem like a good idea to me!  It's funny though.


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## Santaclear (Mar 17, 2006)

Carrie said:


> You, sir, are a thief of words. "Guffaw", indeed. Hmph.



Well, who are you, Miss Original? In the next thread I clicked I saw where you got your "Hmph" from. At least Sandie spelled it right. I'm never coming here again.
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=78955&postcount=41


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## ripley (Mar 17, 2006)

Carrie said:


> I've been trying to come up with a p***y snorkel/the bends joke all day, unsuccessfully.



Something along the lines of surfacing too quickly?


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## Jes (Mar 17, 2006)

ripley said:


> Something along the lines of surfacing too quickly?


all right, I'm working with someting about 'coming up' vs. 'just plain coming' but...it hasn't gelled, I'm too tired....

I think if we get a 4th person in on it, we'll have something. This is turning into The Aristocrats!


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## Ash (Mar 17, 2006)

Sadly, there's already a snorkel/the bends joke on the device's website. Not...that I've been...investigating...

"The Pussy Snorkel allows a man to continue breathing while performing oral sex on a woman in a spa, bathtub or even a bowl of green Jell-O. Insert the breathing apparatus into your nostrils, rub the clitoral stimulator against your favorite coral reef and start with the tongue action. With the Pussy Snorkel, any man can be a dive master.

Note: If you use it lying down, make sure you turn your hips to avoid a case of the bends."


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## Santaclear (Mar 17, 2006)

Ashley said:


> Note: If you use it lying down, make sure you turn your hips to avoid a case of the bends."



I refuse to take this lying down.


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## Santaclear (Mar 17, 2006)

Speaking of this thread title, it really is quite intimate here, no?  Sorry, TNT!


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## Carrie (Mar 17, 2006)

Santaclear said:


> Well, who are you, Miss Original? In the next thread I clicked I saw where you got your "Hmph" from. At least Sandie spelled it right. I'm never coming here again.
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=78955&postcount=41



Don't be ridiculous. I have _everyone_ here on "ignore".


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## Carrie (Mar 17, 2006)

ripley said:


> Something along the lines of surfacing too quickly?



After a day of guffawing, this made me go "teehee". It was a nice change.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Mar 17, 2006)

How the hell did I miss the Pussy Snorkel??????????? This thing is priceless!!!


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## ripley (Mar 17, 2006)

Spanking Jes: $50
Dimensions Clubhouse: $30
Pussy Snorkel: Priceless


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## Ericthonius (Mar 17, 2006)

ripley said:


> Spanking Jes: $50
> Dimensions Clubhouse: $30
> Pussy Snorkel: Priceless



Instead of the snorkel, wouldja like to learn how to breathe through your ears?

(Admittedly, it's like living in a wind tunnel but you'd be surprised how often such a technique comes in handy.:eat2: )


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## missaf (Mar 17, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> How the hell did I miss the Pussy Snorkel??????????? This thing is priceless!!!




Oh gawd, I'm going to be known as "The Pussy Snorkel" chick from now on aren't I? :bow: 

Well, not a bad thing after all


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## ripley (Mar 17, 2006)

Ericthonius said:


> Instead of the snorkel, wouldja like to learn how to breathe through your ears?
> 
> (Admittedly, it's like living in a wind tunnel but you'd be surprised how often such a technique comes in handy.:eat2: )




You are an accomplished man. I can see that.


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## Santaclear (Mar 17, 2006)

OK, so the snorkel is ridiculous. What about gills? Supposedly all men have them.

I've been taking a natural herb I found on the internet called Crackpot (named from the flower the herb is derived from) which will strengthen my gills and make the ladies scream (or so the ad claims.) Shelled out $600 so far.  

View attachment 05creaturebl11.jpg


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## Angel (Mar 17, 2006)

Guys,

If you want your lady to think that YOU are the best...

If you want to leave her begging for more...

If you want her to look forward to the next time...

If you want her to be more receptive to your advances...


Take a few minutes to read the following:

www.clitical.com/how-to/lick.php



For both Guys and Gals


For a site devoted to all things male:

www.guys.clitical.com/



For a site devoted to female orgasms and sexuality:

www.clitical.com/


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## rainyday (Mar 17, 2006)

Those claws could be problematic, Santa. Not to mention the webbed thumbs.


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## Vince (Mar 17, 2006)

As a corporeal engineer I think we should be able to either test this device or come up with an alternative enterprise that will make employment unnecessary. The thought of putting things in one's nose to breathe through seems rather primitive and beyond the call of sacrifice even for the good cause that G-dawg is considering. I see no provision to attain a proper seal and it would be rather tragic if the device failed in a hot tub and the practitioner could not disentangle himself from that service position. I call upon bold souls to volunteer to engage this device with a confederate and report back as to safety and effectiveness. That way we can dismiss what appears to be nothing more than a prank. 

SVS made a suggestion about accessibility and if we combine the light shed re TNT's original question then I am sure one could negotiate the congress and establish some proximity. I was considering designing and then fabricating a multi-purpose support for the benefit of couples who need some assistance. This is size acceptance to a rather extraordinary degree and would be welcome with those who have proximity problems. My apparatus would have adjustable leg supports, foot operated hydraulic lift, safety steps, and adjustable back support. The user sits down, is elevated with the lift and then reclines. The partner assists her to elevate her legs and rest them astride on the supports. The supports are adjustable for width and length. In such a position all manner of delightful congress can be purchased and I am sure this lover's bench would be popular. It is easy to imagine someone using a chair to positioning himself to do what G-dawg is dying to try.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Mar 17, 2006)

SoVerySoft said:


> If a gal is really fat, having that contraption against the guy's face seems like it would get in the way of him getting where he needs to go. I mean, the guy really needs to get CLOSE, to do the job right.


Close, indeed. Like, _Harukawa_ close.

Hey! Maybe that's what our friend G-Dawg needs. A little Namio Harukawa therapy. We'll prop his eyelids open, all Clockwork Orange -style, and force him to view a parade of those smashy, thigh-clamping images. 

Ooooh. Can I be the eye drop dropper girl?


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## bigsexy920 (Mar 17, 2006)

I thought this tread was about ways a women can have pleasurable relations while atop her mate. 

I have to say as reading I'm this tread is hysterically laughing.


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## Jane (Mar 17, 2006)

My "relations man" has a wonderful sense of humor.

God I would love to get one of the snorkle sets and spring it on him at the appropriate time. However, that would end the lovemaking for the evening and he erupted in laughter.

I'm not going to spend money on it, so I guess I'll just have to show him this thread.


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## Jes (Mar 17, 2006)

Jane said:


> My "relations man" has a wonderful sense of humor.
> 
> God I would love to get one of the snorkle sets and spring it on him at the appropriate time. However, that would end the lovemaking for the evening and he erupted in laughter.
> 
> I'm not going to spend money on it, so I guess I'll just have to show him this thread.


OOOH. That's a good term. Relations man. Sort of like 'public relations' (firm. *snicker*) only it's....'pubic relations.' 

Ok, tha'ts the term I'm using from now on b/c I never know how to describe that person.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 17, 2006)

Vince said:


> Look, G-dawg, you got cold feet plain and simple. No use beating around the bush and coming up with those weak excuses. You can't fool the smart gals here. We were all rooting for you and you messed up. Now what are we supposed to do, huh? Wait until summer?
> 
> You need Plan B. That is you have to risk your ego and call up someone else. With your new armoury of love tricks you are going to be so hot they are going to know you interstate! Trust me here. Now get out there and find someone else. All you single guys have a duty to befriend a nice gal because you are making someone dateless because you are doing nothing. Heck, it doesn't cost much to make a phone call.


im not making excuses im serious as hell. thats what she said. now i gotta wait till at least next month.


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## Jes (Mar 17, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> im not making excuses im serious as hell. thats what she said. now i gotta wait till at least next month.


are you going to call/email her in between? Please? For me?


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## gangstadawg (Mar 17, 2006)

proly will call and email her in between if im not busy.


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## Jes (Mar 17, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> proly will call and email her in between if im not busy.


busy? you post to this forum every day. how busy can you be? what kind of cat and mouse game is this? we're not impressed.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 17, 2006)

i work on PCs all the time i can log on here from any place with a internet connection.


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## bigsexy920 (Mar 17, 2006)

So something similar to picking up a phone


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## Jes (Mar 17, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> i work on PCs all the time i can log on here from any place with a internet connection.


honestly, i give up with you. youth is wasted on the young.


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## Vince (Mar 17, 2006)

Proly? Proly! What kind of serious is that?! You get on the phone right now and start communicating. You gotta tell her how special she is and how you can't think right because you miss her.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 17, 2006)

alright alright but i still wont see her untill april or may.


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## Vince (Mar 17, 2006)

Now look, Gansta, we gotta discuss some basic psychology here otherwise you ain't got a hope in hell of getting that gal past your granny up to your room. You see, when a gal likes you she thinks about you and wants you to call her and all that. There you are fooling around on the computer and probably playing computer games and listening to music that is too loud. You got time for all that nonsense but aren't doing a thing about your love life. What is this waiting until April or May? You think love cares about the month? Heck, no! 

I really think you are making excuses. It is not your fault because she isn't available and all that rot. Hey, don't you come here insulting our intelligence. She is available. What she is telling you is that she is lukewarm about you. She has got no reason to be interested that much. Or has she? Does she ever call you? A woman will call if she wants something. You see how you are suffering now for not doing enough. 

This whole saga is hopeless. You are floundering and the love ship is slowly sinking. You keep putting off doing a damn thing until the next month. Then it is the next month after that! You ain't fooling us. You got cold feet. You don't want to call because you get tongue-tied and don't know what to say. Well, talk about her! She is always interested in that subject. You gotta get her missing you.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 17, 2006)

well i actually call her way more then she does me. but about the wait until april or may situation. she lives in lansing. i live in detroit. she has a car i dont so i got no way to get to her. she has to come to me.


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## Vince (Mar 17, 2006)

Well, Dawgman, no car is a handicap. Look, you gotta explain your situation. What do you do for a living? You sound like a student living in your parent's attic. That is fine. I don't want to be giving you inappropriate advice if you are a young fella just starting out. We don't want to be corrupting the youth, you know. So fess up and explain the arrangement you have at home. When we know more we can tailor the advice to better assist you. I take it you don't mind getting some help?

You sound hung up on the Lansing gal. I bet there are lots of bbw living just around the corner from you. You need to get out there and say hello to someone else for your own peace of mind.


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## SailDude (Mar 17, 2006)

True but man can that guy can sure swim like a fiend!


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## gangstadawg (Mar 17, 2006)

Vince said:


> Well, Dawgman, no car is a handicap. Look, you gotta explain your situation. What do you do for a living? You sound like a student living in your parent's attic. That is fine. I don't want to be giving you inappropriate advice if you are a young fella just starting out. We don't want to be corrupting the youth, you know. So fess up and explain the arrangement you have at home. When we know more we can tailor the advice to better assist you. I take it you don't mind getting some help?
> 
> You sound hung up on the Lansing gal. I bet there are lots of bbw living just around the corner from you. You need to get out there and say hello to someone else for your own peace of mind.


actually she was a detroit girl and she went to the same community college as i did but she transfered to MSU lansing. i got her number before the transfer and we have been on only 2 dates due to how busy i have been.
now in terms of what i do for a living i just lost my job about 2 weeks ago and im in the process of finding another while building/repairing other peoples computers on the side. i live in my grandmas house with my mom(she had a stroke in 2000 so im taking care of her when my grand ma isnt) and my 14 year old sister.


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## Vince (Mar 17, 2006)

Okay, Gandsta, you sound okay to me. Just battling away trying to do the right thing and have a bit of fun on the side. No worries. Your gal must be busy what with exams and studying and everything. Somehow you will have to reconnect with her and get to calling her more often. If she senses that you call just because you want a date then that won't impress her much. You have to communicate. You know that. It is easier said than done. You really have a make an effort soon. Like save up to help her pay for gas to get over to your place. It all helps. Thanks for sharing that information because it makes a difference. You really need a job to be able to function properly in society. Heck, at the moment you have trouble looking after your mum let alone your sis and yourself.


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## Zandoz (Mar 17, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> Sakes alive, that's an adorable little gadget, Missa! No FA toolbox should be without one.



It's a good thing I don't have a credit card!


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## rainyday (Mar 17, 2006)

Vince said:


> Heck, at the moment you have trouble looking after your mum let alone your sis and yourself. [/SIZE][/COLOR]



I don't think he ever said he had trouble. Sounds to me like he's doing a good job of balancing everything. Nothing wrong with a few phone calls though.


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## Osita (Jul 9, 2007)

john_in_indy said:


> I've lurked on this site for a long time (years) without ever feeling the need to post before, but you really need to try this out; not only for her, but for yourself.
> 
> Sexual pleasure is all about stimulating the brain, and "munching the muffin" (as you call it) works on all five senses. Obviously there's taste and smell, but your lips and tongue are filled with touch receptors and running them across the soft, smooth skin of your partner's "muffin" is a sensation that you don't want to miss out on. You can experiment with different techniques and see how she moans and thrusts her hips. AT the same time, both your hands are free to caress her soft flesh, and you can feel the heat of her thighs on your cheeks. If you don't give this at least one try, you're missing out on one of the greatest pleasures life has to offer.
> 
> Sorry if I got too graphic for some people, but we are describing a sex act here



Very nice and not too graphic. Thank you for your honesty and being man enough to add your experience.


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## The Obstreperous Ms. J (Jul 10, 2007)

Thanks for the *bump* Osita.

What a great thread. I was talking to someone this weekend during a film shoot and they mentioned the p*ssy snorkel and left that at as a myth.

Glad to see that it exists.


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## Toil Girl Angel (Jul 10, 2007)

I haven't worked my way through all the posts in this thread yet, but I used to have him lay near the edge of the bed so that when I straddle him, one leg is on the floor and the other is on the bed, it worked great, although its been a couple of years for me now and I'm a little bit larger than I was the last time I had sex a couple of years ago, but I think this would work well for any size woman.


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## FA to the Bone (Jul 11, 2007)

*There is another thread that disucss this subject:*


http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22719


*PS: I loved reading this thread... mmmmmmmm...* :wubu:


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## DolceBBW (May 19, 2008)

Vince said:


> Well, gdog, you have to realise that some of those horny women have been spoiled by over-zealous admirers who not only perform for their country but for fat acceptance! You were lucky that is all she wanted you to do. Besides, you should have done that first without any encouragement. Goodness me what is this world coming to!



Firstly Id like to point out that I think Im in love with Vince..... or lust... either way it works..... lol and secondly in my experiences, ive had similar problems but its much easier to ahem hem..... climb into that saddle if the man has a smaller mid section.... if hes thicker in the middle then a nice bench with sawed off legs or properly placed pillows work great. My point is thin or thick, being with a man in that position is tre hawt... but with my thick thighs it requires less gadgets if hes on the thinner side.:blush:


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