# How do you give a SSBHM an appreciative look without seeming to stare?



## plushkitty (Oct 20, 2009)

I encountered a SSBHM the other day, and holy guacamole! I wanted to rest my eyes on his soft, luxurious flesh, that wonderfully abundant belly, but I was afraid he would think I was staring in a bad way. There wasn't much opportunity for stealth ogling, alas. I was talking to him for a volunteer project. Had to keep repeating to myself, "Look at his face, focus on his face...". Mmm, not only is his face handsome, there is a great deal of fat surrounding it. It looks as though his face is placed within a round, smooth tan pillow, no traces of jawbone at all. Yummy. :smitten:

Fellow FFAs, how do you look appreciatively without seeming to give the impression that you're staring? Is there a way to do this without coming out and saying, "I'm looking at you because I think you're hot!". This guy is my superior for now, so telling him that I find him attractive wouldn't be appropriate.


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 20, 2009)

Well you can look for an obvious extra couple of seconds without oggling. 

My experience has been it's not hard to let somebody know you're looking in a nice way. I used to work in a bar and whenever there was an attractive fat guy patron, i'd often just kind of make it obvious but not really in-your-face that I was looking appreciatively. Just let your eyes linger for maybe a little longer then they have to and make sure your eyes/facial expression are pleasant, they'll get it.


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## Buffetbelly (Oct 20, 2009)

It's easy, just smile! You can get away with staring a long time if you just smile in a friendly and appreciative way! Just don't smile as if you're about to laugh --we know that kind of mocking smile all too well.


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## escapist (Oct 20, 2009)

Buffetbelly said:


> It's easy, just smile! You can get away with staring a long time if you just smile in a friendly and appreciative way! Just don't smile as if you're about to laugh --we know that kind of mocking smile all too well.



I was about to say the same thing, yep, just smile. I'm huge so often I have to do it first. I freak a lot of people out if I don't smile a lot. Its always nice to get smiles back rather than the people who just try to hide their eyes.


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## Melian (Oct 20, 2009)

Give 'em a wink - sometimes they come over :happy:


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## chicken legs (Oct 20, 2009)

I have yet to learn that skill when I'm physically near the person. Whats worse is I'm not a smilely type person. So when I'm attracted, I get the look like I'm going to take a bite out of crime. 

Once, when i was still a gym rat, I was behind a massively tall and muscular man who had these tight yellow spandex pants on. He was on the treadmill and I was on a stairmaster, so I had a great view. Plus I didnt think he would notice me getting lost in all his juicyness. So while I happened to be ..all up in his butt and thighs..just drinking it in..I felt something and looked up ...and right into his eyes... I immediately tried to play it off just to get sucked back in again..lol. The second time, he lifted up his shirt and started to rub his muscle gut and gave me "the look" back. So I did my usual and chickened out and made a abrupt exit.:blush:

I felt like a tabby giving a tiger "the look" (meow)but I didn't expect the tiger to notice and then give "the look" back (roar)....

It happened with a Ssbhm I grew up with as well. I was at a concert with my sister and he happened to be right behind us with his girlfriend. I hadn't seen him since high school, and he became absolutely massive. I could tell his clothes were custom made. Once again, I started to stare and he gave me a funny/shocked look back. My sister is chatty so it helped divert his attention from me totally checking him out. After the concert, however, he tried to strike up a conversation with me but all I heard was blah blah blah...lol ...and then we all had to go.


All I have to say is Thank God for the IM, texting and whatnot. Otherwise who knows where my current relationship with Escapist might be:blush::wubu:


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## kinkykitten (Oct 23, 2009)

I hear you... I have had many dirty looks off a bigger guy for looking... They must assume that I am staring in a bad way, yet I am only admiring them


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## robovski (Oct 24, 2009)

kinkykitten said:


> I hear you... I have had many dirty looks off a bigger guy for looking... They must assume that I am staring in a bad way, yet I am only admiring them



This could well be the case. The above listed smile or wink is very good, as most men need signals that are obvious. I like being appreciated (basically everyone does), but I don't like being mocked or ill-considered. Which do you think is most common when I'm on the bus or walking down the street? Such is the tragedy of your situation, as when I hear hoofbeats I think horses again and not zebras. The zebras have to make a bit of effort to get through the noise of the horses. 

I know that I am an attractive fat/big man, my wife makes that very clear (but, hey I even knew that before I met her). I also know that many people like to humiliate fat people in public, and like to do it to guys like me when they think they can get away with it. And sadly, not all SSBHMs know that they may be attractive to others, just like for some SSBBWs that revelation can hit that there are those who do indeed find them attractive (I know I do). So give that guy that wink or smile. Maybe touch your hair while you are at it. Don't whisper to your friend and giggle. Don't just stare. Make some eye contact and get that feeling across and make his day.


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## Horseman (Oct 24, 2009)

I would say that a smile and a wink are unmistakable.

Stare at me all you want if you're smiling and can offer a quick wink of reassurance, as well.


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## rabbitislove (Oct 26, 2009)

I have no idea. But watching the SSBHM dietitian at my internship walk down the hall is the highlight of my day.


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## WillSpark (Oct 26, 2009)

I love the seemingly oxmoronic statement behind "SSBHM Dietician."


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## escapist (Oct 27, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> I have yet to learn that skill when I'm physically near the person. Whats worse is I'm not a smilely type person. So when I'm attracted, I get the look like I'm going to take a bite out of crime.
> 
> All I have to say is Thank God for the IM, texting and whatnot. Otherwise who knows where my current relationship with Escapist might be:blush::wubu:



See, and I LOVE that LOOK! Its the cutest thing ever when she's all tucked up under me and grinning from ear to ear. I hate it when she tries to hide behind technology


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## thea (Oct 27, 2009)

I guess its kinda like when a guy stares at your tits? I saw a huge sexy dude on the bus the other day and had trouble looking away...can't recall his face...glad he was polite enough not to slap me. I love men:bow:


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## Starling (Oct 27, 2009)

I've noticed that just saying (or mouthing if you're not close enough) "Hey" or "Hi" or something tends to put you into the "friendly" as opposed to "staring freak" category. 

Case in point: Yesterday I saw pretty much one of four sexy fat dudes at my school walk past. I did the wide eyed stare on accident, but tried to accompany it with a smile, and still ended up getting the death glare from this guy. Then as we were walking past, I smiled even more and said "Hey". Then he literally did a double take, turned around, smiled and said "Hi" back. Great success.


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## Horseman (Oct 27, 2009)

Starling said:


> I've noticed that just saying (or mouthing if you're not close enough) "Hey" or "Hi" or something tends to put you into the "friendly" as opposed to "staring freak" category.
> 
> Case in point: Yesterday I saw pretty much one of four sexy fat dudes at my school walk past. I did the wide eyed stare on accident, but tried to accompany it with a smile, and still ended up getting the death glare from this guy. Then as we were walking past, I smiled even more and said "Hey". Then he literally did a double take, turned around, smiled and said "Hi" back. Great success.




More good advice.


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## Esther (Oct 27, 2009)

I've never had a fat dude take my gaze the wrong way! Usually they just don't seem to notice!


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## likeitmatters (Oct 27, 2009)

by walking up to him and telling him he is a very handsome man and wink at him. I do it in real life to men and women and I tell you are about to get a compliment for today and it works everytime...they smile and tell to have a good day...


:bow::bow:


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## cheekyjez (Oct 27, 2009)

Let your jaw hit the floor and roll out your tongue. Eyes pop out. Klaxons. 

Works EVERY time.


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## Boris_the_Spider (Oct 27, 2009)

cheekyjez said:


> Let your jaw hit the floor and roll out your tongue. Eyes pop out. Klaxons.
> 
> Works EVERY time.



Yeah, that would certainly get your intentions across 

As others have said, if you smile as you stare (for want of a less pejorative word) then it should be taken in the right spirit.

That's how I met my last ffa. Spent a 90 minute train ride catching her 'checking me out' and the warm smile on her face let me know that it wasn't the 'oh my god, look at the fat guy' stare that you sometimes get. Asked her if she wanted to go for a coffee when we both left at the same station and that was that.


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## rabbitislove (Oct 27, 2009)

WillSpark said:


> I love the seemingly oxmoronic statement behind "SSBHM Dietician."



Haha. Maybe it helps that its for dementia patients who have trouble keeping weight on 

Either way I just want to squish the hell out of him. Today a cute fat paramedic came in and one of the residents kids was older but hot and chunky. 

Fat guys, I wouldnt make it through this internship without you. Just know that. God bless you and your big beautiful figures


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## Stevenz1inoc (Oct 28, 2009)

plushkitty said:


> I encountered a SSBHM the other day, and holy guacamole! I wanted to rest my eyes on his soft, luxurious flesh, that wonderfully abundant belly, but I was afraid he would think I was staring in a bad way. There wasn't much opportunity for stealth ogling, alas. I was talking to him for a volunteer project. Had to keep repeating to myself, "Look at his face, focus on his face...". Mmm, not only is his face handsome, there is a great deal of fat surrounding it. It looks as though his face is placed within a round, smooth tan pillow, no traces of jawbone at all. Yummy. :smitten:
> 
> Fellow FFAs, how do you look appreciatively without seeming to give the impression that you're staring? Is there a way to do this without coming out and saying, "I'm looking at you because I think you're hot!". This guy is my superior for now, so telling him that I find him attractive wouldn't be appropriate.



Smile when you look at him! It would go a long way to saying that you think of him in a positive way rather than just staring which might come off like you think something is wrong with him.


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## stldpn (Oct 28, 2009)

plushkitty said:


> I encountered a SSBHM the other day, and holy guacamole! I wanted to rest my eyes on his soft, luxurious flesh, that wonderfully abundant belly, but I was afraid he would think I was staring in a bad way. There wasn't much opportunity for stealth ogling, alas. I was talking to him for a volunteer project. Had to keep repeating to myself, "Look at his face, focus on his face...". Mmm, not only is his face handsome, there is a great deal of fat surrounding it. It looks as though his face is placed within a round, smooth tan pillow, no traces of jawbone at all. Yummy. :smitten:
> 
> Fellow FFAs, how do you look appreciatively without seeming to give the impression that you're staring? Is there a way to do this without coming out and saying, "I'm looking at you because I think you're hot!". This guy is my superior for now, so telling him that I find him attractive wouldn't be appropriate.



Umm basically you have to flirt a little if you want to put it across that you're not looking at him as if he's a sideshow freak. Basically you just have to find a subtle/or nonsubtle way (depending on your personality) to acknowledge that you are in fact looking. If it's a sincere nod, smile, wink, whistle, or compliment you'll be shocked at how often it will be reciprocated.

Sometimes no matter what size a person is they can be a tad sensitive or uncomfortable with even the most subtle flirtation. But don't let it put you off practicing your flirting skill set. Those guys just aren't ready to acknowledge that someone finds them attactive yet. The more you flirt the better you get, promise...


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## Flutterby68 (Oct 28, 2009)

I would smile and blow them a kiss... but then, I'm not shy at all about flirting.


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## BigChaz (Oct 28, 2009)

Flutterby68 said:


> I would smile and blow them a kiss... but then, I'm not shy at all about flirting.



Could you please open up some sort of training academy or something? I'd donate.


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## Flutterby68 (Oct 28, 2009)

BigChaz said:


> Could you please open up some sort of training academy or something? I'd donate.



Note my signature... at conventions I go to, I teach Kissing School. It's a VERY popular class


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## happytinygal (Oct 28, 2009)

I get the same problem to I see big chunky MMMmmm man and I just want to keep looking but I don't because I don't want them to think its a bad look, but I will have to try the smile,wink, or simple hi  and I bet it will work :happy:


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## lovelocs (Oct 29, 2009)

If he catches you staring, "Wink" with both eyes and smile... I know it sounds wierd, but think of the blink it as a kind of desexualized wink. It always makes the person smile, and might be appropriate for someone that you don't want to sleep with, but can't help admiring...

...Now If I could just stop fantasizing about my boss.... :blush:


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## likeitmatters (Oct 29, 2009)

just scream out hey you big fat stud...I think you are way sexy and studly and I want you in bed with me..oh your married? well just dump her for me and I wil make your life complete.....


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## OneHauteMama (Oct 29, 2009)

I wish I had this art mastered... There's the aforementioned HOT BHM in my class... and I just found out last night that he KNEW I liked him. Knew I was salivating when he walked in the room LMAO. :doh:


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## JenFromOC (Oct 30, 2009)

I'm just fuckin' rude....I cannot help my FFA self. I have to look, and look again...then do a double take. Then I glance up and down. Hell, I can't believe I'm even saying this, but I have even walked by and "accidentally" brushed up against BHM/SSBHM. They probably just think I'm a weirdo perv. And they're correct LOL


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## JenFromOC (Oct 30, 2009)

rabbitislove said:


> Haha. Maybe it helps that its for dementia patients who have trouble keeping weight on
> 
> Either way I just want to squish the hell out of him. Today a cute fat paramedic came in and one of the residents kids was older but hot and chunky.
> 
> Fat guys, I wouldnt make it through this internship without you. Just know that. God bless you and your big beautiful figures



And holy hell, I look forward to the days when paramedics come to take my guys to outside medical clinics...there is always a chubby one. Good thing I'm the supervisor so I can handle all communication with them and ensure that the proper documentation is complete. LOL


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## Horseman (Oct 30, 2009)

JenFromOC said:


> Hell, I can't believe I'm even saying this, but I have even walked by and "accidentally" brushed up against BHM/SSBHM. They probably just think I'm a weirdo perv. And they're correct LOL




The fact that women like you exist might just be proof that Jesus does love guys like me after all. :blush:


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## Stevenz1inoc (Oct 31, 2009)

JenFromOC said:


> I'm just fuckin' rude....I cannot help my FFA self. I have to look, and look again...then do a double take. Then I glance up and down. Hell, I can't believe I'm even saying this, but I have even walked by and "accidentally" brushed up against BHM/SSBHM. They probably just think I'm a weirdo perv. And they're correct LOL



So why can't I ever find a girl just like you in So Cal! I swear you're the only FFA in Orange County! lol


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## Lavasse (Nov 1, 2009)

I recommend pointing at him and then doing the come here thing with the finger, but hey I like the direct approach so I know the woman means me lol


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## escapist (Nov 2, 2009)

Lavasse said:


> I recommend pointing at him and then doing the come here thing with the finger, but hey I like the direct approach so I know the woman means me lol



Man when I was young I was totally dense. I had a girl who wore a skin tight suit fondle me under a table because apparently I didn't realize she wanted me...Apparently she later told me (when we were actually a couple) that she had been trying to get my attention for a long time and she figured that would do it. Ballsy girl for doing it, I mean she put her rep on the line and everything for it. Granted, she had the body to pull of skin tight


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## Lavasse (Nov 2, 2009)

escapist said:


> Man when I was young I was totally dense. I had a girl who wore a skin tight suit fondle me under a table because apparently I didn't realize she wanted me...Apparently she later told me (when we were actually a couple) that she had been trying to get my attention for a long time and she figured that would do it. Ballsy girl for doing it, I mean she put her rep on the line and everything for it. Granted, she had the body to pull of skin tight



Well I'd like to think I'd get that hint, well if anyone ever tried it lol.


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