# Any way you want it



## Amaranthine

Anything you'd like to talk about but haven't had the chance? 

What about something you feel like sharing but can't find the right thread for? 

Well. You should do it here! It's easy. Opinions? Rants? Facts? Stories? Personal idiosyncrasies? 








But here's a slight (and optional) caveat. Most threads don't provide too much of a chance for people to interact with each other. Have any thoughts in regards to something someone posted? You should reply. Let's get some random discussions going :happy:


----------



## cakeboy

For a community that preaches tolerance is the highest of virtues, a great many people here get their (ignorant, prejudiced, uneducated on the topic) backs up when someone mentions the various bariatric/metabolic (weight-loss) surgeries. To be clear, when I say 'get their backs up' I mean 'totally lose their everfucking minds'.
I get the part that some people feel the recent explosion of metabolic surgeries in North 'Merica to cure us fatty fat fatties is the moral equivalent to some jerkoff pushing a Bible at someone to help cure a case of The Jewish, or praying away some cool cat's desire for the dick, but sheesh.
I had gastric bypass last June, and not because I wanted to fit into a pair of skinny jeans or go horseback riding like in a tampon commercial - I had the surgery because I was fucking dying. The complete lack of cogent thought in the WLS forum (so excellently titled "The WLS Controversy - We're against WLS. If you must talk about it, do it here." as if it's the board's fucking NAMBLA corner) in the face of calm science is frightening. If we can't get support from a community who damn well knows the suffering fat people go through on a daily basis, where the fuck ARE we going to get it?
The extremely personal to choice to permanently alter our anatomy to improve our health and lessen the chances of debilitating disease and early death is just that - ours. If you don't like the idea of WLS, please tell me why after you have carefully reviewed the scientific and medical literature on the topic, not because you knew someone who knew someone that had WLS and they died four weeks later after shitting a pound of nickels. If you're an ignorant yam bag and your mind is made up, gleefully ignoring the choice, science, and difficulty before and AFTER surgery, plz to be fucking yourself


----------



## loopytheone

cakeboy said:


> For a community that preaches tolerance is the highest of virtues, a great many people here get their (ignorant, prejudiced, uneducated on the topic) backs up when someone mentions the various bariatric/metabolic (weight-loss) surgeries. To be clear, when I say 'get their backs up' I mean 'totally lose their everfucking minds'.
> I get the part that some people feel the recent explosion of metabolic surgeries in North 'Merica to cure us fatty fat fatties is the moral equivalent to some jerkoff pushing a Bible at someone to help cure a case of The Jewish, or praying away some cool cat's desire for the dick, but sheesh.
> I had gastric bypass last June, and not because I wanted to fit into a pair of skinny jeans or go horseback riding like in a tampon commercial - I had the surgery because I was fucking dying. The complete lack of cogent thought in the WLS forum (so excellently titled "The WLS Controversy - We're against WLS. If you must talk about it, do it here." as if it's the board's fucking NAMBLA corner) in the face of calm science is frightening. If we can't get support from a community who damn well knows the suffering fat people go through on a daily basis, where the fuck ARE we going to get it?
> The extremely personal to choice to permanently alter our anatomy to improve our health and lessen the chances of debilitating disease and early death is just that - ours. If you don't like the idea of WLS, please tell me why after you have carefully reviewed the scientific and medical literature on the topic, not because you knew someone who knew someone that had WLS and they died four weeks later after shitting a pound of nickels. If you're an ignorant yam bag and your mind is made up, gleefully ignoring the choice, science, and difficulty before and AFTER surgery, plz to be fucking yourself



Wow, nice to see that you are complaining about people losing their shit and being narrow minded by insulting people and telling them there opinion is wrong and that only your interpretation of the facts is correct...

Oh, wait, I disagree with the way you have put yourself across so I must be... what was it? Ignorant, prejudiced and uneducated on the topic because I don't see things exactly the way you to, right? =3


----------



## cakeboy

loopytheone said:


> Wow, nice to see that you are complaining about people losing their shit and being narrow minded by insulting people and telling them there opinion is wrong and that only your interpretation of the facts is correct...
> 
> Oh, wait, I disagree with the way you have put yourself across so I must be... what was it? Ignorant, prejudiced and uneducated on the topic because I don't see things exactly the way you to, right? =3



Uh, no. My beef is with the ignorant fucks I have messaged/read/com across on the board who display prejudice, stupidity, and are completely opposed to learning information about the topic. I don't care what opinion people have about the surgery, I happen to give a shit when someone who doesn't know their ass from a hole in the ground pontificates. Personally, I know nothing about particle physics, therefore I don't send emails to people who work on the Large Hadron Collider. Does that help, dear?


----------



## loopytheone

cakeboy said:


> Uh, no. My beef is with the ignorant fucks I have messaged/read/com across on the board who display prejudice, stupidity, and are completely opposed to learning information about the topic. I don't care what opinion people have about the surgery, I happen to give a shit when someone who doesn't know their ass from a hole in the ground pontificates. Personally, I know nothing about particle physics, therefore I don't send emails to people who work on the Large Hadron Collider. Does that help, dear?



Well you addressed the community as a whole twice/three times depending on your interpretation of your original post so if you meant to address a more specific target audience than the entire forum. 

And you still seem to be of the opinion that if a person doesn't agree with you then they obviously don't know anything. I am a zoologist. I have done detailed studies on the long and short term success rates, morbidity rates and the ability of doctors to treat the related problems. I have also gone through several years worth of reports on the reductions of obesity related illnesses following WLS and to be honest it is very boring to read through all that but there are definitely pros and cons. Personally I think the long term success rates combined with the high morbidity rates make it unsuitable for most people. Not to mention the fact that those who can afford to pay for it privately as opposed to on the NHS often do so clinging to the idea that it will be an easy way out, which, as somebody who has had WLS yourself, you can attest is not the case. But that is just my opinion. Which has as much and no more value than yours. Your original post was saying that other people aren't entitled to their opinions unless they can 'prove' to you that they know what they are talking about. Which isn't true because at the end of the day, no matter how much or how little you know about a topic your opinion is just that, an opinion and not a fact no matter how much you would like it to be.


----------



## Tad

cakeboy said:


> Uh, no. My beef is with the ignorant fucks I have messaged/read/com across on the board who display prejudice, stupidity, and are completely opposed to learning information about the topic.



Hmmm, as a suggestion then, you might want to avoid internet message boards. The vast majority are horribly/wonderfully (depending on POV) open, and don't discriminate based on ignorance or stupidity......so you will find people who insist that (choose one or more) 
- Obama is muslim, 
- modern hockey players are wimps because they wear helmets, 
- all republicans are raging racists, 
- ........,
- ........, 
- weight loss surgery is always butchery for cosmetic reasons.

Now, it happens that the policy of these boards, as set by their owner, is anti-WLS, hence the name of the board where discussion of it is allowed. I think the majority of people who post on these boards are not so militant about it, but for sure that top-down policy will help enable a certain view point to be militant. 

Dims is certainly not the be-all and end-all of size accepting sites, and there are plenty of people who have left because of one policy or another. On the other hand, there are lots of people who do choose to post here still, presumably because they've not found another place that suits them as well. Ultimately, the site is owned by one individual, and each poster has to decide if they can live by the rules, policies, and morals promulgated by that owner.


----------



## Tad

(not related to the above discussion)

These words are writ on water, as far as permanence goes. Oh, for sure, the internet has a lot of backing up to it these days, so maybe I could come back and find this post twenty years from now, but I wouldn't particularly count on it. I'd certainly challenge you to find any particular post from the original Dimensions boards.....and even if these boards are better preserved, finding particular material amongst the hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of posts could well be a challenge.

There is a huge body of thoughts, experiences, and stories shared on these boards. I have no idea how many books would be required if you were to print up all of the boards, but I'm sure it would be many. Of course a lot of it is of no particular lasting value, essentially amounting to chit-chat between people. But there is a whole lot of very good stuff, too.

Have any of you ever grabbed particular posts to save them for yourself so that you dont lose the information? Ever thought what youd do, what youd lose, if Dimensions ever shuts down? Or for that matter, if the place was ever just frozen so that you couldn't edit anything, but material was still visible to others, what picture of yourself you leave here?

Of course, this is far from the first web board that has this issue--or even go back to the old newsgroups, fundamentally the same issue has been there for a long time.


----------



## Amaranthine

cakeboy said:


> Le snip



Well, first off, I'm glad things ended up working out well for you  

Secondly, everyone has their opinions. And most of the time, they're not likely to change them. Whether they're correct or incorrect, whether they've actually researched the subject or not. But if something works for you, let it work for you. If something else works for someone else, let it work for them. If someone hasn't looked into something and does it anyway? Well. I think they deserve whatever consequences come from it. Want to be a feedee? Do it. Want to have WLS? Go ahead. Want to pick up a coke habit to drop the weight instead? By all means. If someone responded to my post by disagreeing, I'd actually find that rather wonderful. Doing what I do works pretty great for me, so in the end, it doesn't really concern me if people think I'm doing something wrong. 






Tad said:


> (not related to the above discussion)
> 
> These words are writ on water, as far as permanence goes. Oh, for sure, the internet has a lot of backing up to it these days, so maybe I could come back and find this post twenty years from now, but I wouldn't particularly count on it. I'd certainly challenge you to find any particular post from the original Dimensions boards.....and even if these boards are better preserved, finding particular material amongst the hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of posts could well be a challenge.
> 
> There is a huge body of thoughts, experiences, and stories shared on these boards. I have no idea how many books would be required if you were to print up all of the boards, but I'm sure it would be many. Of course a lot of it is of no particular lasting value, essentially amounting to chit-chat between people. But there is a whole lot of very good stuff, too.
> 
> Have any of you ever grabbed particular posts to save them for yourself so that you dont lose the information? Ever thought what youd do, what youd lose, if Dimensions ever shuts down? Or for that matter, if the place was ever just frozen so that you couldn't edit anything, but material was still visible to others, what picture of yourself you leave here?
> 
> Of course, this is far from the first web board that has this issue--or even go back to the old newsgroups, fundamentally the same issue has been there for a long time.




I do wonder what would happen if Dimensions just disappeared. Would a new, similar site pop up to replace it? Would members here join that one, or refuse because it just wouldn't feel the same? It makes me glad that I know quite a few people here off the site. Even if there's no record of what's been posted here, friendships made here will still exist and people can reminisce over all the craziness that's gone down.


----------



## cakeboy

For the third and final time, I only take personal offense to people who argue against WLS and - wait for it - know *nothing* about it. I simply cannot make it any clearer.


----------



## loopytheone

cakeboy said:


> For the third and final time, I only take personal offense to people who argue against WLS and - wait for it - know *nothing* about it. I simply cannot make it any clearer.



Well perhaps you would like to re-read your original post from an objective point of view and consider what it is that caused your point to be misinterpreted by multiple people and interpreted correctly by nobody other than yourself.


----------



## loopytheone

Okay, back to the original point of this thread... 

I used to be afraid of playing video games. Not watching them, just playing them. They made me panic when enemies hit more or damaged me and I just completely freaked out. I have an anxiety disorder to give you some background on that. 

In particular my best friend and her little brother used to spend hours and hours playing Spyro games with me. I always watch and help out as an extra pair of eyes and am used to viewing video games as a puzzle and an exciting form of video rather than an interactive game. Don't get me wrong, I love watching other people play and I loved watching them play Spyro games so much. 

This last week I downloaded the original trilogy of Spyro games and I've completed the first one to 120% the other day which is a huge achievement for me. I overcame my fears and did it. Even though I had a huge flash back in the Toasty level with those stupid dog enemies I still did it. Now I'm starting the second Spyro game and am scared all over again but it is another challenge for me to face, no matter how trivial!

So, who here has had something so trivial be such an important step for them in some way? ^_^


----------



## vardon_grip

cakeboy said:


> For a community that preaches tolerance is the highest of virtues, a great many people here get their (ignorant, prejudiced, uneducated on the topic) backs up when someone mentions the various bariatric/metabolic (weight-loss) surgeries. To be clear, when I say 'get their backs up' I mean 'totally lose their everfucking minds'.
> I get the part that some people feel the recent explosion of metabolic surgeries in North 'Merica to cure us fatty fat fatties is the moral equivalent to some jerkoff pushing a Bible at someone to help cure a case of The Jewish, or praying away some cool cat's desire for the dick, but sheesh.
> I had gastric bypass last June, and not because I wanted to fit into a pair of skinny jeans or go horseback riding like in a tampon commercial - I had the surgery because I was fucking dying. The complete lack of cogent thought in the WLS forum (so excellently titled "The WLS Controversy - We're against WLS. If you must talk about it, do it here." as if it's the board's fucking NAMBLA corner) in the face of calm science is frightening. If we can't get support from a community who damn well knows the suffering fat people go through on a daily basis, where the fuck ARE we going to get it?
> The extremely personal to choice to permanently alter our anatomy to improve our health and lessen the chances of debilitating disease and early death is just that - ours. If you don't like the idea of WLS, please tell me why after you have carefully reviewed the scientific and medical literature on the topic, not because you knew someone who knew someone that had WLS and they died four weeks later after shitting a pound of nickels. If you're an ignorant yam bag and your mind is made up, gleefully ignoring the choice, science, and difficulty before and AFTER surgery, plz to be fucking yourself



I get where you are coming from.
I think that the only "mistake" you made is to expect more from the people here than you would the rest of the population.
It's all the same.


----------



## cakeboy

vardon_grip said:


> I get where you are coming from.
> I think that the only mistake you made is to expect more from the people here than you would the rest of the population.
> It's all the same.



Yeah man, I made that mistake :/


----------



## Sasquatch!

cakeboy said:


> Yeah man, I made that mistake :/



Body Autonomy FTW. 

It's your body.
It's legal.
It's not going to physically harm others.
It's therefore your choice.

If I think it's stupid and dangerous, I may say you shouldn't do it. But I'm not going to tell you NOT to do it (if that makes sense)


----------



## Cobra Verde

I, for one, think this thread's a terrible idea.








P.S.


----------



## Amaranthine

Cobra Verde said:


> I, for one, love motorboating. Anyone else?



I certainly have a fondness for it. So here's a question. FFA's: Have you ever motorboated a BHM? Would you? 

And BHMs: Would you tolerate being motorboated? 

Anytime I've done it, its been met with confused acceptance. Eventually good humor.


----------



## loopytheone

Amaranthine said:


> I certainly have a fondness for it. So here's a question. FFA's: Have you ever motorboated a BHM? Would you?
> 
> And BHMs: Would you tolerate being motorboated?
> 
> Anytime I've done it, its been met with confused acceptance. Eventually good humor.



Hahaha, nice! No, I never have and given that I have a partner who not tolerate it I am never going to get the chance to! xD


----------



## Amaranthine

loopytheone said:


> Hahaha, nice! No, I never have and given that I have a partner who not tolerate it I am never going to get the chance to! xD



I'm sure you can have plenty of fun without it =P 

Spyro is an awesome choice, by the way. The blue guys are infuriating, are they not? Though, I haven't played much since I was younger so it might not be that bad to catch them. 

Any other games you're considering? Crash bandicoot was another older favorite. The battle system in something like Final Fantasy or Lunar might be less daunting because it's more tactical. Man, I miss playstation. Emulator time!


----------



## BigChaz

The more stinky a cheese is, the more I enjoy it. Yeah, I said it.


----------



## tankyguy

Sort of a rant, sort of thinking out loud.

Lately I've been wondering just how many FFAs there actually are.

Granted I'm a somewhat introverted guy, but I've only met one girl in person who identified herself as liking bigger guys in my 32 years.

To me, they seem very rare and almost mythical, like the Loch Ness Monster or evidence of intelligent extra terrestrial life. I thought that I had found a second FFA once, but she turned out to be just a crashed weather balloon. 

Just going by these forums, there seems to be way fewer of them than male FAs. I know a number of guys in person who favor, or at least are sometimes attracted to, curvier or larger than 'average' women.

And there's definitely fewer FFAs than BHM here. All the more special and lucky when a couple hooks up, I guess. :happy:


----------



## BigChaz

tankyguy said:


> Sort of a rant, sort of thinking out loud.
> 
> Lately I've been wondering just how many FFAs there actually are.
> 
> Granted I'm a somewhat introverted guy, but I've only met one girl in person who identified herself as liking bigger guys in my 32 years.
> 
> To me, they seem very rare and almost mythical, like the Loch Ness Monster or evidence of intelligent extra terrestrial life. I thought that I had found a second FFA once, but she turned out to be just a crashed weather balloon.
> 
> Just going by these forums, there seems to be way fewer of them than male FAs. I know a number of guys in person who favor, or at least are sometimes attracted to, curvier or larger than 'average' women.
> 
> And there's definitely fewer FFAs than BHM here. All the more special and lucky when a couple hooks up, I guess. :happy:



You are thinking about it backwards. The world is full of FFAs, also known as women. Women can be seduced with more than just a big belly. Confidence, attitude, being interesting, etc make any woman a potential "FFA" and by that I mean a girl who thinks you are sexy.

Here is my post for this thread. I wish fat dudes would stop coming to this forum to complain about the lack of women out there into fat guts.


----------



## Amaranthine

BigChaz said:


> You are thinking about it backwards. The world is full of FFAs, also known as women. Women can be seduced with more than just a big belly. Confidence, attitude, being interesting, etc make any woman a potential "FFA" and by that I mean a girl who thinks you are sexy.
> 
> Here is my post for this thread. I wish fat dudes would stop coming to this forum to complain about the lack of women out there into fat guts.



What? We don't like those things. It's really just the fat. 

Seriously though, it's true. I know bigger guys who get plenty of women, just because they have the personality. I know plenty of thin and traditionally attractive men who are foreveralone because they're fumbling around in the dark. You might not get someone CRAZY over your body, but they'll be crazy about you as a whole. 

So would you say you have an absolute FAVORITE cheese? I can be seduced with a fancy blue. Stilton, Roquefort, Maytag, any of them.


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

tankyguy said:


> Sort of a rant, sort of thinking out loud.
> 
> Lately I've been wondering just how many FFAs there actually are.
> 
> Granted I'm a somewhat introverted guy, but I've only met one girl in person who identified herself as liking bigger guys in my 32 years.
> 
> To me, they seem very rare and almost mythical, like the Loch Ness Monster or evidence of intelligent extra terrestrial life. I thought that I had found a second FFA once, but she turned out to be just a crashed weather balloon.
> 
> Just going by these forums, there seems to be way fewer of them than male FAs. I know a number of guys in person who favor, or at least are sometimes attracted to, curvier or larger than 'average' women.
> 
> And there's definitely fewer FFAs than BHM here. All the more special and lucky when a couple hooks up, I guess. :happy:





BigChaz said:


> You are thinking about it backwards. The world is full of FFAs, also known as women. Women can be seduced with more than just a big belly. Confidence, attitude, being interesting, etc make any woman a potential "FFA" and by that I mean a girl who thinks you are sexy.
> 
> Here is my post for this thread. I wish fat dudes would stop coming to this forum to complain about the lack of women out there into fat guts.





Amaranthine said:


> What? We don't like those things. It's really just the fat.
> 
> Seriously though, it's true. I know bigger guys who get plenty of women, just because they have the personality. I know plenty of thin and traditionally attractive men who are foreveralone because they're fumbling around in the dark. You might not get someone CRAZY over your body, but they'll be crazy about you as a whole.
> 
> So would you say you have an absolute FAVORITE cheese? I can be seduced with a fancy blue. Stilton, Roquefort, Maytag, any of them.



I get all the ladies, because I'm fat and awesome. Deal with it. 

Also, I maytag your Stilton by penetrating you with my Stilton. Now come fall for me to further prove my point that I get all the internet puss.


----------



## ODFFA

Ohhhhhkay, many random-ish and wonderful thoughts are swimming around in my mind right now and  short-lived and fickle as they are (indeed, Mr Tad of Tad Hall)  I will now attempt to express all or most of them. Good luck peoples.

Zay, you getting all the laydees is an indisputable, scientific fact that has long since surpassed the need to be proven. But like all indisputable facts, it will continue to prove itself despite this being unnecessary. _Unlike_ most indisputable facts, it does not cause those who observe it to become jaded and lose that sense of awe and wonder. Win-win situations all *round*. :happy: I, for one, do my homework before I speak.

Amaranthine, even though you find people disagreeing with you wonderful and Id really like to make you smile, you dont make it easy for me. Perhaps this is because you and I both possess alllmost as much otherworldly awesomeness as Hozay. This is the best I can do: While I dont mind a fancy blue, I must confess I will be more easily seduced with a milder creamy Camembert or a berry-laden Wensleydale.

Loopy, I think you and I were separated at birth. How else can there be another FFA-type human being on earth that reacts to these games exactly the way I do?! I dont know whether to squee or weep with joy. Maybe I should just do both and add some hysterical laughter for good measure. 

To answer your question: There are indeed many :blush: such trivial things that feel like a big deal to me. I am the most inflexible and highly strung person you will ever know  strictly physically speaking!  and in an attempt to improve this anomaly I have started doing yoga.... for kids! One day I will bend down and touch my toes with straight legs or sit on my knees comfortably while my back rejoices. I will do this or live trying.

Also, I want to be able to play the Bodrhan like this. Im still in between the laughable level and the *shrugs* not too bad level at the moment. Fortunately even these levels are serious fun, but dammit, that sexiness level is calling to me.

Laaaastly, the enthusiasm with which I reacted to Loopys post reminded me of how much I love dogs...

View attachment 108239


----------



## Tad

I'm not fat enough to be motorboated, and my wife would never be interested in doing so even if I were.....but hypothetically, I'm pretty sure my reaction would be to laugh like a lunatic, then demand "again!"

On other topics, some plus sizes womens stores now sell pants aimed to fit different shapes. I wish big mens stores would pick this concept up. Do you need that size of shirt because you are built like a viking warrior, or because you are all belly? OK, here is a shirt that will actually have close to the right shape for you! (and yes, you can get stuff custom made, but still it would be nice....)


----------



## bigmac

tankyguy said:


> Sort of a rant, sort of thinking out loud.
> 
> Lately I've been wondering just how many FFAs there actually are.
> 
> Granted I'm a somewhat introverted guy, but I've only met one girl in person who identified herself as liking bigger guys in my 32 years.
> 
> To me, they seem very rare and almost mythical, like the Loch Ness Monster or evidence of intelligent extra terrestrial life. I thought that I had found a second FFA once, but she turned out to be just a crashed weather balloon.
> 
> Just going by these forums, there seems to be way fewer of them than male FAs. I know a number of guys in person who favor, or at least are sometimes attracted to, curvier or larger than 'average' women.
> 
> And there's definitely fewer FFAs than BHM here. All the more special and lucky when a couple hooks up, I guess. :happy:




Yes, that's been my experience too. I've met quite a few ladies who like the idea of their BF/SO being bigger than they are (I've been told that it makes them feel feminine). However, these women aren't really attracted to fat guys -- just big guys -- and they would gladly date smaller guys if they lost weight. One of the primary reasons a close friend of mine had MLS was to increase the size of her dating pool (she really didn't like dating guys that weighed less than her). At 190lbs she had -- in her mind -- a lot more options than she did at 360 (she married a guy who weighs about 220).

Also, as someone who has been both fat and reasonably thin, its been my experience that fat guys get very little action. There are always exceptions of course but for the most part fat guys are at best ignored by single women. Ironically this is especially true at BBW events.



BigChaz said:


> You are thinking about it backwards. The world is full of FFAs, also known as women. Women can be seduced with more than just a big belly. Confidence, attitude, being interesting, etc make any woman a potential "FFA" and by that I mean a girl who thinks you are sexy.
> 
> Here is my post for this thread. I wish fat dudes would stop coming to this forum to complain about the lack of women out there into fat guts.



If you're one of the lucky few fat guys who is able to seduce women regardless of your looks I truly happy for you. Unfortunately a lot of us are not so fortunate. If I had to rely upon by personality to attract women I'd still be a virgin. I don't think I've ever convinced a women to consider me romantically if she hadn't found me at least moderately attractive from the get go.


----------



## tankyguy

bigmac said:


> If you're one of the lucky few fat guys who is able to seduce women regardless of your looks I truly happy for you. Unfortunately a lot of us are not so fortunate. If I had to rely upon by personality to attract women I'd still be a virgin.



What got you results then? Money? A nice car? Beer goggles?



> I don't think I've ever convinced a women to consider me romantically if she hadn't found me at least moderately attractive from the get go.



See, that's the real core of the issue. If there's no physical attraction, no spark, she's not going to consider you a romantic option. You can be confident, funny and interesting; all that means is that you'll just be her funny, confident fat friend.


----------



## chicken legs

cakeboy said:


> For a community that preaches tolerance is the highest of virtues, a great many people here get their (ignorant, prejudiced, uneducated on the topic) backs up when someone mentions the various bariatric/metabolic (weight-loss) surgeries. To be clear, when I say 'get their backs up' I mean 'totally lose their everfucking minds'.
> I get the part that some people feel the recent explosion of metabolic surgeries in North 'Merica to cure us fatty fat fatties is the moral equivalent to some jerkoff pushing a Bible at someone to help cure a case of The Jewish, or praying away some cool cat's desire for the dick, but sheesh.
> I had gastric bypass last June, and not because I wanted to fit into a pair of skinny jeans or go horseback riding like in a tampon commercial - I had the surgery because I was fucking dying. The complete lack of cogent thought in the WLS forum (so excellently titled "The WLS Controversy - We're against WLS. If you must talk about it, do it here." as if it's the board's fucking NAMBLA corner) in the face of calm science is frightening. If we can't get support from a community who damn well knows the suffering fat people go through on a daily basis, where the fuck ARE we going to get it?
> The extremely personal to choice to permanently alter our anatomy to improve our health and lessen the chances of debilitating disease and early death is just that - ours. If you don't like the idea of WLS, please tell me why after you have carefully reviewed the scientific and medical literature on the topic, not because you knew someone who knew someone that had WLS and they died four weeks later after shitting a pound of nickels. If you're an ignorant yam bag and your mind is made up, gleefully ignoring the choice, science, and difficulty before and AFTER surgery, plz to be fucking yourself



blah blah blah..skinny jeans...blah blah blah..

So you want to _squeeze_ into some skinny jeans....hi youz doin?

Seriously, I hope you are doing well. My sis had WLS and is still recovering 2 years later.


----------



## chicken legs

Amaranthine said:


> I certainly have a fondness for it. So here's a question. FFA's: Have you ever motorboated a BHM? Would you?
> 
> And BHMs: Would you tolerate being motorboated?
> 
> Anytime I've done it, its been met with confused acceptance. Eventually good humor.



I love doing it and making ssbhm/bhm crave it. It usually just starts out with hugging and my face getting caught in between them, to me trying to rub my face around, to nipple bitting/sucking....


----------



## Tad

ODFFA said:


> (indeed, Mr Tad of Tad Hall)



Of all the various meanings I thought of in choosing this user name, I admit that this was one that I had not considered. I'm tempted to change my user title


----------



## Wanderer

cakeboy said:


> For the third and final time, I only take personal offense to people who argue against WLS and - wait for it - know *nothing* about it. I simply cannot make it any clearer.



Fair enough. Your initial phrasing was very confrontational, which made it hard for most people to understand the specific aim of your complaint -- not that people are against WLS, but that so many have the mistaken idea that the only reason anyone undergoes such surgery is "because I want to look better".

For my part, I'm against WLS on any grounds _other_ than the ones you cited; namely, immediate medical requirement to lose weight that cannot be safely lost by other means. WLS in general requires short-circuiting your digestive system, removing a portion of your ability to absorb not only Calories but also vitamins and minerals. It's nothing less than ripping up your digestive tract and trying to stop short of ruining it, while trying to prevent infection in a muscle-lined bag of acid and a long tube connected to your bowels and filled with bacteria.

My own sister has had a roux-en-y version of WLS, and wound up with multiple ulcers in the remaining portion of her stomach. (Multiple ulcers in an eight-ounce volume of stomach... yeah, not a good thing.) I wound up having to drive her to the hospital at one point because her digestive system was so badly deranged that she wasn't bringing in enough Calories to remain active through the day... and this, roux-en-y, is the intermediate version of the surgery, not the most drastic.

Do I wish she'd found another way? Well, yes. I didn't appreciate her almost dying after the surgery, nor almost starving to death because she somehow wound up with a stomach composed of almost nothing but ulcers. I didn't like the known results of WLS _before_ she had it, and for these very reasons.

BUT: It was her choice, and her weight loss was medically necessary. As much as I wish she had found another way, this was her choice, and her body; I have only so much say in what she does.

Tankyguy: For my part, I don't blame my lack of success with women on my not finding an FFA. I blame my being broke, having no transportation, living in my sister's back room and not living near anything I actually enjoy going to. Well, that and an unfortunate tendency to freeze when a woman surprises me by actually talking to me. (I still kick myself for "going up" when a woman riding in the hospital elevator with me actually recognized the book I was carrying as a role-playing game... (sigh))

Do I think I _could_ find love? Well, yes. Give me a receptive audience and I'll talk your ears off. Put me in a social context without loud music drowning me out and I'm almost vivacious. Let me go clothes shopping with a decent budget and I "clean up good". But right now, in this circumstance? I'd be doing well to get a one-night stand, and any sane woman knows it. (Though they usually just claim they're engaged and left their ring at home, apparently believing that such stories are kinder and/or more believable than "I'm sorry, I'm not interested".)


----------



## chicken legs

tankyguy said:


> Sort of a rant, sort of thinking out loud.
> 
> Lately I've been wondering just how many FFAs there actually are.
> 
> Granted I'm a somewhat introverted guy, but I've only met one girl in person who identified herself as liking bigger guys in my 32 years.
> 
> To me, they seem very rare and almost mythical, like the Loch Ness Monster or evidence of intelligent extra terrestrial life. I thought that I had found a second FFA once, but she turned out to be just a crashed weather balloon.
> 
> Just going by these forums, there seems to be way fewer of them than male FAs. I know a number of guys in person who favor, or at least are sometimes attracted to, curvier or larger than 'average' women.
> 
> And there's definitely fewer FFAs than BHM here. All the more special and lucky when a couple hooks up, I guess. :happy:



I have always loved men with large thighs but I didn't become a true lover of big men till my first "experience" with a guy who was a linemen. After that, it was done deal. 

I only started defining myself as an FFA after I found this site and the only reason I found this site was because of my search for erotic stories that featured beefy men. So we are out there but just don't know about all the terms that may apply to us. 

Its wild, but the stories are pretty accurate when it comes to the signs an reactions of most FFA. Most of us are not aggressive about it till we get behind closed doors or on forums like these. In public, we may just offer a extra helping, want extra hugs, or just be a little quieter than normal around you. So you got to keep your eyes open.


----------



## Amaranthine

chicken legs said:


> I have always loved men with large thighs but I didn't become a true lover of big men till my first "experience" with a guy who was a linemen. After that, it was done deal.
> 
> I only started defining myself as an FFA after I found this site and the only reason I found this site was because of my search for erotic stories that featured beefy men. So we are out there but just don't know about all the terms that may apply to us.
> 
> Its wild, but the stories are pretty accurate when it comes to the signs an reactions of most FFA. Most of us are not aggressive about it till we get behind closed doors or on forums like these. In public, we may just offer a extra helping, want extra hugs, or just be a little quieter than normal around you. So you got to keep your eyes open.



Even though I'm naturally rather introverted and quiet, I've figured out that when it comes to men, I'm typically going to have to do the pursuing. Or at least make a move first. I've realized that the men I actually _want_ to talk to me just aren't going to most of the time. And I don't mind giving someone a self-esteem boost in the process. Though it makes me wish society made things a bit different. It's unfortunate that even when I express my interest, it can be doubted or not trusted. 

OD: I still approve of your cheese choices  And that's indeed an awesome instrument! I've never heard of it, so I'm feeling that wonderful joy and intrigue that arises when I witness something new creating musical sound. You should go resurrect the Dims Youtube thread with a topic where people play their instruments of choice. 

Tankyguy: I've actually not found that to be the case, personally. Though I'm not sure how most women would handle such a situation. I've not unfrequently found myself crushing on a thin guy. While I have no sexual attraction to thin/muscular male bodies, I can still find them visually appealing in some aspect...and their personality can be enough to light the sexual spark. Unfortunately, that is something that's hard to maintain long term.


----------



## loopytheone

*Warning: Giant reply incoming!*



Amaranthine said:


> Spyro is an awesome choice, by the way. The blue guys are infuriating, are they not? Though, I haven't played much since I was younger so it might not be that bad to catch them.
> 
> Any other games you're considering? Crash bandicoot was another older favorite. The battle system in something like Final Fantasy or Lunar might be less daunting because it's more tactical. Man, I miss playstation. Emulator time!



The blue egg theives drive me insane but the ones in the second game are even worse! I'm too clumsy for such things! I do play a lot of Crash Bandicoot with my friend when he comes round actually, good choice! That is another childhood classic of mine though I'm only really familiar with the first game and have never managed to complete it due to not having a memory card that works! I actually don't mind games that have the sort of classic RPG battle system thing going on. Pokemon is my gaming love so I'm used to that sort of style! And there are playstation emulators? That's news to me! 



ODFFA said:


> Loopy, I think you and I were separated at birth. How else can there be another FFA-type human being on earth that reacts to these games exactly the way I do?! I dont know whether to squee or weep with joy. Maybe I should just do both and add some hysterical laughter for good measure.
> 
> To answer your question: There are indeed many :blush: such trivial things that feel like a big deal to me. I am the most inflexible and highly strung person you will ever know  strictly physically speaking!  and in an attempt to improve this anomaly I have started doing yoga.... for kids! One day I will bend down and touch my toes with straight legs or sit on my knees comfortably while my back rejoices. I will do this or live trying.
> 
> Laaaastly, the enthusiasm with which I reacted to Loopys post reminded me of how much I love dogs...



Haha, we could have been! And hysterical laughter is always a good option! I tend to laugh at inappropriate times and just have people stare at me like I'm a deranged zoo animal or something! I am incredibly inflexible as well actually, I've been going to the gym lately and though I am getting stronger and fitter I still keep looking over at the old lady on the flexibility stretching thing and realising that she can stretch her legs further than I can! And they do kids yoga? Beginners yoga was always too hard for me but I never thought of that! And as a dog breeder/shower/serial cuddler, I approve of all thing dog related! x3 ....gosh, we really are similar, aren't we? Rock on! =D



tankyguy said:


> Sort of a rant, sort of thinking out loud.
> 
> Lately I've been wondering just how many FFAs there actually are.
> 
> Granted I'm a somewhat introverted guy, but I've only met one girl in person who identified herself as liking bigger guys in my 32 years.
> 
> To me, they seem very rare and almost mythical, like the Loch Ness Monster or evidence of intelligent extra terrestrial life. I thought that I had found a second FFA once, but she turned out to be just a crashed weather balloon.
> 
> Just going by these forums, there seems to be way fewer of them than male FAs. I know a number of guys in person who favor, or at least are sometimes attracted to, curvier or larger than 'average' women.
> 
> And there's definitely fewer FFAs than BHM here. All the more special and lucky when a couple hooks up, I guess. :happy:



To be honest, I think that most women don't feel the need to come out to the world and say they like BHM because liking bigger guys is generally less cause for eyebrow raising than going out with a bigger lady. That is my take on it at least! Not to mention that there are more FA here than BBW in my opinion, so perhaps there are just more guys on this forum in general?



BigChaz said:


> You are thinking about it backwards. The world is full of FFAs, also known as women. Women can be seduced with more than just a big belly. Confidence, attitude, being interesting, etc make any woman a potential "FFA" and by that I mean a girl who thinks you are sexy.
> 
> Here is my post for this thread. I wish fat dudes would stop coming to this forum to complain about the lack of women out there into fat guts.



I agree with that completely. I was never attracted to SSBHM until I met my partner and I fell for his charm and his sweet cuteness and am now a big fan of the larger gentleman. If you are an attractive person then people will be attracted to you, regardless of what you look like. And I wish they would stop moaning about it as well... hey, look, there is even a thread for moaning about it boys! ^.~


----------



## BearHug2013

I wouldn't say female FAs are necessarily rarer than male ones as much as some of us BHMs(but not all) can be overly paranoid around attractive women. Some are still mentally stuck in there teens when being considered attractive ourselves might've been seen as absurd to many including us. I know I used to get suspicious when a woman would consider "cute" a good adjective for me. It can be difficult to accept, and all it does is turn a possible FFA off.


----------



## Cobra Verde

Amaranthine said:


> So would you say you have an absolute FAVORITE cheese? I can be seduced with a fancy blue. Stilton, Roquefort, Maytag, any of them.


And yet you don't care for mozzarella. _Weirdo_...



P.S. 
I think something is wrong with the quote function in this thread.


----------



## BigChaz

Amaranthine said:


> So would you say you have an absolute FAVORITE cheese? I can be seduced with a fancy blue. Stilton, Roquefort, Maytag, any of them.



I kind of feel like a cheese traitor, tbqh. While I love a ridiculously pungent cheese (stilton, Roquefort, etc), I have recently come across a cheese that I can't stop eating. I seriously ate a whole block of it in one sitting just a few days ago.

http://www.traderjoes.com/fearless-flyer/article.asp?article_id=625


It aint super stinky. It aint expensive. But oh my god, its crack. IT IS CRACK.

Outside of this crack cheese, I would have to say Stilton or a super high quality, stanky Camembert.


----------



## bigmac

tankyguy said:


> What got you results then? Money? A nice car? Beer goggles?




What got results? Loosing weight. If you're not perceived as attractive women won't bother talking to you for long enough to find out if you have money and a decent job. 





tankyguy said:


> See, that's the real core of the issue. If there's no physical attraction, no spark, she's not going to consider you a romantic option. You can be confident, funny and interesting; all that means is that you'll just be her funny, confident fat friend.



Yes!!! If you don't meet a woman's minimum attractiveness requirements romance is just not going to happen.

You don't have to be Brad Pitt but you have to be attractive enough. In my case I've found that I had many more romantic options when I was under 280 pounds than when I was over 310. 30 pounds can make a big difference.


----------



## ODFFA

So, its no secret that sarcasm has a certain sexiness to it. Aptly followed by alliteration and assonance. Youre welcome. :happy:

As with all good things in life, though, the execution is important. Id be lying if I said the average insulting kind doesnt at times turn me on... but! there is a far sexier kind. Neutral wittiness goes further already, but complimentary snark  now that is a true feat of utterly irresistible sexy. This can also include furtive compliments veiled by mock-insults 

In complete honesty, I feel like so much of the poor-mans-wit kind has been floating around that Im almost getting a bit snark weary, and wary, altogether. We cant have that! Hence, heres one meagre attempt....



Cobra Verde said:


> Quoting people quote people.



There, I _think_ I fixed it. Your attention to detail is pretty sexy too, Señor Verde.



So, who else would like to take a crack at it?


----------



## loopytheone

bigmac said:


> What got results? Loosing weight. If you're not perceived as attractive women won't bother talking to you for long enough to find out if you have money and a decent job.
> 
> You don't have to be Brad Pitt but you have to be attractive enough. In my case I've found that I had many more romantic options when I was under 280 pounds than when I was over 310. 30 pounds can make a big difference.



I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight? I wouldn't want to date a single person that didn't find me attractive at my biggest, my lightest, anywhere in between, because it shows they are a shallow person. I mean, surely it is about the quality of women you are attracting rather than the quantity? ...unless you are some sort of pimp. Then I understand you on a deep and philosophical level.


----------



## Goreki

cakeboy said:


>


I think you made the right choice. It was obviously a well researched and considered one. I hope you are surrounded by supportive and intelligent people, not stubborn fuckwits.


----------



## LeoGibson

loopytheone said:


> I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight? I wouldn't want to date a single person that didn't find me attractive at my biggest, my lightest, anywhere in between, because it shows they are a shallow person. I mean, surely it is about the quality of women you are attracting rather than the quantity? ...unless you are some sort of pimp. Then I understand you on a deep and philosophical level.



While I do tend to agree with you on a certain level, you may be missing the crux of his point. For instance, if it is one particular shallow woman you're trying to win over by re-arranging who you are, then yes that is pointless and why bother?

However, if you are doing such to increase your dating pool and meet more women, thus having more options on dating and perhaps finding the one that will then click with your overall personality and from there a few lbs. in either direction won't matter, then that isn't necessarily going after shallow women.


----------



## djudex

loopytheone said:


> I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight? I wouldn't want to date a single person that didn't find me attractive at my biggest, my lightest, anywhere in between, because it shows they are a shallow person. I mean, surely it is about the quality of women you are attracting rather than the quantity? ...unless you are some sort of pimp. Then I understand you on a deep and philosophical level.



I disagree with this so vastly...just because a person isn't attracted to people who have extra poudange doesn't make them shallow, it makes them a person with a preference. The women here tend to like men (and/or women) who are overweight and if they wouldn't want to date a thin person that doesn't make them shallow either. I used to think the same way until I realized that was a naive, romanticized, 'love conquers all' vision of people with no grounding in reality. People like what they like, it doesn't make them worse or better, it just makes them, well... human.


----------



## sophie lou

First i want to say this is an excellent thread idea i'm sure this will be one of the places i lurk often

This is a little bit of a rant and a lot of just getting it off my chest. 
I met up with someone i had been sort of seeing online about two months ago. I think the best way to describe it is that we had been chat lovers for about two years. We finally met up and all seemed good. We met up a second time and still everything seemed good. Now all of a sudden everything changed, he turned all funny and uninterested with me. After a week or so of talking he has finally said that the main reason is that he didn't have the same feelings for me face to face as he did online. He came out with all sorts of stuff about not really knowing your true feelings for someone until you are actually face to face with them. Part of me can see what he is saying and another part of me thinks it's rubbish. It seems like as a long distance relationship, well a few hundred miles apart we seemed to be great but in real life it was completely different for him. I have moved on since then and i have two amazing friends who are there for me i was just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar


----------



## tankyguy

bigmac said:


> If you're not perceived as attractive women won't bother talking to you for long enough to find out if you have money and a decent job.



That's why you're supposed to dress nice regardless of what you weigh. Nice clothes and looking spiffy is supposed to suggest how well off you are without anyone having to talk to you.




loopytheone said:


> I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight?



Because the number of people in the world who aren't attracted to and won't date someone who isn't close to the 'ideal' weight is much larger than the number of people who will. Hence "all the fat guys coming into the forum complaining that women aren't into them". Because by and large they're not.

Consider the possibility that those guys may not all just have confidence or self esteem issues. They could be funny, smart and engaging yet conventionally unattractive (which fat is for most people). The one thing you know they have in common is that they are fat and women aren't into them.

So if you don't want to be alone you either have to hope you find one of those exceedingly rare people who don't care about weight (or are into bigger people) or you have to lose weight like bigmac says and better your odds.

Like djudex says, people (and by extension women) like what they like and the vast majority don't like fat guys.


----------



## BearHug2013

sophie lou said:


> I met up with someone i had been sort of seeing online about two months ago. I think the best way to describe it is that we had been chat lovers for about two years. We finally met up and all seemed good. We met up a second time and still everything seemed good. Now all of a sudden everything changed, he turned all funny and uninterested with me. After a week or so of talking he has finally said that the main reason is that he didn't have the same feelings for me face to face as he did online. He came out with all sorts of stuff about not really knowing your true feelings for someone until you are actually face to face with them. Part of me can see what he is saying and another part of me thinks it's rubbish. It seems like as a long distance relationship, well a few hundred miles apart we seemed to be great but in real life it was completely different for him. I have moved on since then and i have two amazing friends who are there for me i was just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar



We all have a couple stories like this one. Frankly it sounds like he was making excuses for simply being turned off by bigger women. He might've known about your weight and not realized just how turned he was or didn't know and was still turned off. Either way is a piss poor excuse. 
Last year I briefly dated a women who was around 20ibs heavier than what she looked like in her pics, not that it stopped me. 1 month later she went back to her lazy, selfish in-communicating(her original words on the guy) ex and dumped him a week after that. 

And while I haven't seen anyone since, like you and everyone other single on here, I was better off. The funny thing was I found out she was thinking of giving him another go from the day we met which has always seemed odd to me.


----------



## Tad

tankyguy said:


> Like djudex says, people (and by extension women) like what they like and the vast majority don't like fat guys.



Or if you look around the rest of the boards, you'll find any number of attractive, interesting, with-it, BBW who are inexplicably single. Once you've fallen in love with someone, their size may not matter as much to you, but when you are scanning the room, wondering who you would like to know better....of course you are going to tend to favour the ones who make the best visual first impression on you.

Which is why my advice for those who don't fit the conventional mould is to meet lots of people in ways/places where you interact with them and get to know them (classes, volunteering, clubs, etc). That way people get to see other features of you, and may decide that your size is not the most important thing about you. Won't work for everyone, but I still think it gives you better odds.


----------



## reuben6380

Motorboating is a fine art and should really be left up to the professionals, or at least done under the supervision of one...or else yer just going to look silly!


----------



## sophie lou

BearHug2013 said:


> We all have a couple stories like this one. Frankly it sounds like he was making excuses for simply being turned off by bigger women. He might've known about your weight and not realized just how turned he was or didn't know and was still turned off. Either way is a piss poor excuse.
> Last year I briefly dated a women who was around 20ibs heavier than what she looked like in her pics, not that it stopped me. 1 month later she went back to her lazy, selfish in-communicating(her original words on the guy) ex and dumped him a week after that.
> 
> And while I haven't seen anyone since, like you and everyone other single on here, I was better off. The funny thing was I found out she was thinking of giving him another go from the day we met which has always seemed odd to me.



I think for as much as his excuse was rubbish I just have to accept it. I know that it wasn't a weight issue though because he was a big fan of my weight and size. I still just find it bizarre that for two years he was very much into me and after meeting something changed. I know some people can be very different in real life as opposed to being in chat but I don't honestly think I am that different. It sounds like you had a bit of a rough time in that one. I have friends who have done the same by keep on going back to the same useless jerk of a partner. 

I'm very lucky at the moment because I have two good friends who have been with me throughout. One of which I have started sort of seeing and he is a BHM . I know one thing for sure I won't be going back to my ex


----------



## Amaranthine

djudex said:


> I disagree with this so vastly...just because a person isn't attracted to people who have extra poudange doesn't make them shallow, it makes them a person with a preference. The women here tend to like men (and/or women) who are overweight and if they wouldn't want to date a thin person that doesn't make them shallow either. I used to think the same way until I realized that was a naive, romanticized, 'love conquers all' vision of people with no grounding in reality. People like what they like, it doesn't make them worse or better, it just makes them, well... human.



I totally agree with this. I spent quite awhile feeling really bad, simply because I saw myself as terribly shallow and inept for not being able to be attracted to those I had feelings for. But eventually I realized that it's just a preference that I can't change, no matter how much I try. If I attempt to date people who I find attractive ONLY for their personality, in the end, I'm just hurting both of us. 

And I really don't see that as selfish. It's not easy not being able to date someone who I genuinely find appealing because I can't be physically attracted to them in the long-run. Though, I don't think preferences are always as strong as mine is. I think many can be swayed, even if your physical appearance doesn't match their ideal. The social stigma around it just discourages many from being as open. And fat is one of those things that's hugely impacted by the status of a society. If resources were scarce, a fat partner would be far more appealing. But we attach so many other traits with weight now, it's pretty difficult. Which is outrageously shitty. But I think it also means you can reverse those attitudes a bit. I've gushed about the benefits of a bigger partner to other friends, and lo and behold...when they found a chubbier guy they loved for their personality, they appreciated those things too.


----------



## BearHug2013

sophie lou said:


> I'm very lucky at the moment because I have two good friends who have been with me throughout. One of which I have started sort of seeing and he is a BHM . I know one thing for sure I won't be going back to my ex



That the most important thing to take away from it: getting together with an ex can't work in my opinion.


----------



## Amaranthine

Here's something I've been thinking a lot about lately: the nature of personality. As in, some people seem far more static and others seem more dynamic. Clearly, a lot of people enjoy associating with certain labels and traits. Belonging to different groups and schools of thought appeals to them and helps to define them as a person, and that stands out no matter who they're interacting with. They've found a core way of interacting that they enjoy. 

But what about the more dynamic people? I was having a conversation with a friend last night and they were discussing how they feel somewhat different depending on who they're interacting with. I realized I'm very much in the same camp. But I don't find it disingenuous. Rather, different people bring out different elements of myself and I can meld to that without feeling untrue to myself. I have to wonder if that seems less legitimate to people, if they realized that was the case. 

And as my friend pointed out, what does that mean for identity when you're alone? Surely there's some concrete labels and associations for everyone...but a personality has a distinctive feeling to it, does it not? When you're interacting a certain way, it has a certain qualitative feeling to it. In fact, to me, it's that feeling that is usually the most alluring thing about a person. It's so impossible to explain, but I do enjoy that element of mysteriousness around qualia.


----------



## BearHug2013

I get what you mean. Certain people just naturally bring out certain aspects of your personality. Like I'm open with all my friends, but a couple of them just bring out that part of me that makes me spill my guts or trouble and I love em for it!


----------



## LeoGibson

Guys out there driving, I really, really, really do not, repeat not want to see your cocks when stopped for a traffic light. I have no equal signs nor rainbow stickers anywhere on my truck. It does not gross me out, however it does absolutely nothing for me since I have one of my own to look at and grab hold of any time I damn well please. (Although fella yesterday, yours was as decent looking of a member as one could be, sir I compliment you. It looked just exactly like mine, it could have been its doppelganger. )

Now, on this subject, hey universe, I have had to see numerous mens peckers over the years and very few women share their wonderful lady parts in kind. Hows about evening things out just a bit. Maybe a few more boobie flashes or raised skirts to balance out the the mass proliferation of dick I have seen over the years! Thanks in advance, LG.


----------



## ODFFA

Amaranthine said:


> Here's something I've been thinking a lot about lately: the nature of personality...



Hmmmm, this is an interesting one.
I think Id identify as more on the dynamic side of things too. While I wouldnt go so far as to think of this as being disingenuous either, I do at times find myself wishing I had a bit more grounding. More of a core that can give me a greater sense of stability while still being pretty adaptable personality-wise. Maybe I just want the best of both worlds =P 

But I do find myself admiring and enjoying people who seem to have that kind of steadfastness to who they are when I have the pleasure of experiencing them in various situations. I guess this could also just be a case of that natural human tendency to want what you yourself dont have and arent familiar with.

Having said allll that, I definitely agree that a personality, whether more on the static or more on the dynamic side, has a distinctive feeling to it. As to the allure and enjoying the mystery of those experiences  absolutely! :happy:



LeoGibson said:


> ...Now, on this subject, hey universe, I have had to see numerous mens peckers over the years and very few women share their wonderful lady parts in kind. Hows about evening things out just a bit. Maybe a few more boobie flashes or raised skirts to balance out the the mass proliferation of dick I have seen over the years! Thanks in advance, LG.



Thanks in advance, eh? You and the Universe must be tight. Enjoy


----------



## LeoGibson

ODFFA said:


> Thanks in advance, eh? You and the Universe must be tight. Enjoy



Not really, I'm just trying to retain a positive outlook. Truth be told, the universe will probably point and laugh at me and now inundate me with nude men!:doh:


----------



## Amaranthine

LeoGibson said:


> Guys out there driving, I really, really, really do not, repeat not want to see your cocks when stopped for a traffic light. I have no equal signs nor rainbow stickers anywhere on my truck. It does not gross me out, however it does absolutely nothing for me since I have one of my own to look at and grab hold of any time I damn well please. (Although fella yesterday, yours was as decent looking of a member as one could be, sir I compliment you. It looked just exactly like mine, it could have been its doppelganger. )
> 
> Now, on this subject, hey universe, I have had to see numerous mens peckers over the years and very few women share their wonderful lady parts in kind. Hows about evening things out just a bit. Maybe a few more boobie flashes or raised skirts to balance out the the mass proliferation of dick I have seen over the years! Thanks in advance, LG.



I...didn't realize this was a thing. I'm not even sure I see the point there. HEY. WE'RE STOPPED FOR 15 SECONDS. LOOK AT _THIS_. People are ridiculous 



BearHug2013 said:


> I get what you mean. Certain people just naturally bring out certain aspects of your personality. Like I'm open with all my friends, but a couple of them just bring out that part of me that makes me spill my guts or trouble and I love em for it!



I agree! I have no idea why I can speak effortlessly to certain people and why others are always a struggle. But I can certainly appreciate the former. 



ODFFA said:


> Hmmmm, this is an interesting one.
> I think Id identify as more on the dynamic side of things too. While I wouldnt go so far as to think of this as being disingenuous either, I do at times find myself wishing I had a bit more grounding. More of a core that can give me a greater sense of stability while still being pretty adaptable personality-wise. Maybe I just want the best of both worlds =P
> 
> But I do find myself admiring and enjoying people who seem to have that kind of steadfastness to who they are when I have the pleasure of experiencing them in various situations. I guess this could also just be a case of that natural human tendency to want what you yourself dont have and arent familiar with.
> 
> Having said allll that, I definitely agree that a personality, whether more on the static or more on the dynamic side, has a distinctive feeling to it. As to the allure and enjoying the mystery of those experiences  absolutely! :happy:
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks in advance, eh? You and the Universe must be tight. Enjoy



Indeed, the grass is always greener. I know what you mean about wanting a grounding. I think it goes back to wondering about your true personality when you're alone. But hey! Think of all the people who can only truly appreciate a small set of things. Surely it must be awesome to have such an expanded range  

That makes me think of another question. What would you say constitutes their steadfastness? Do they seem to stand by similar values and have similar traits in a great many situations? Or is the feel of their personality the same? I can definitely imagine them separately. Someone can always feel like the same person, while highlighting different traits/values. Or they can obviously maintain core values and traits, whilst feeling different. INTERPERSONAL INTERACTION. U SO MYSTERIOUS.


----------



## LeoGibson

Amaranthine said:


> I...didn't realize this was a thing. I'm not even sure I see the point there. HEY. WE'RE STOPPED FOR 15 SECONDS. LOOK AT _THIS_. People are ridiculous




Yep. It's definitely a thing. Gay dudes seem to have a preference for waving their willies at truckers. Women seem to have more sense than men do in this regard. Wow, us guys really are creeps aren't we?


----------



## ODFFA

LeoGibson said:


> Not really, I'm just trying to retain a positive outlook. Truth be told, the universe will probably point and laugh at me and now inundate me with nude men!:doh:



Awwwwwwwww! And that with the positivity you exude  I steadfastly resolve not to laugh along with the great 'Verse. .......Teeeheeee! >.< Dammit!



Amaranthine said:


> Indeed, the grass is always greener. I know what you mean about wanting a grounding. I think it goes back to wondering about your true personality when you're alone. But hey! Think of all the people who can only truly appreciate a small set of things. Surely it must be awesome to have such an expanded range
> 
> That makes me think of another question. What would you say constitutes their steadfastness? Do they seem to stand by similar values and have similar traits in a great many situations? Or is the feel of their personality the same? I can definitely imagine them separately. Someone can always feel like the same person, while highlighting different traits/values. Or they can obviously maintain core values and traits, whilst feeling different. INTERPERSONAL INTERACTION. U SO MYSTERIOUS.



For me, I think more in terms of their personality feeling the same. E.g. I can be the most easily amused, laugh-happy lunatic one moment / with one person and the epitome of calm [with] the next.

This surprises even me, sometimes almost to the point of concern  But don't get me wrong, like you said, for the most part I actually enjoy and am really grateful for this wonderful ability and I'm still me in all situations.


----------



## bigmac

loopytheone said:


> I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight? I wouldn't want to date a single person that didn't find me attractive at my biggest, my lightest, anywhere in between, because it shows they are a shallow person. I mean, surely it is about the quality of women you are attracting rather than the quantity? ...unless you are some sort of pimp. Then I understand you on a deep and philosophical level.



I wouldn't want to date a shallow person. Indeed I'm married to a woman who's not (most of the time). However, that doesn't change the fact that there are very few women out there who will accept advances from fat guys let alone actually seek them out. Over the years I've come to the conclusion that a very substantial percentage of the female population is indeed very shallow (I'm sure many men are too). If you want to get play you can't be more than a little fat and it also helps to be a bit of an asshole.


----------



## bigmac

tankyguy said:


> That's why you're supposed to dress nice regardless of what you weigh. Nice clothes and looking spiffy is supposed to suggest how well off you are without anyone having to talk to you.




You mean my Target shorts and Walmart t-shirts (Target doesn't stock 3X and 4X men's shirts) won't cut it?

Also, I once had a date refuse to ride in my old 1987 F-150 because it was such a POS. However, when I picked my wife up for our first date she not only leaned over to unlock my door but she then slid across to the middle saying "a bench seat -- cool". So I pretty much knew she was a keeper from the get go.

Note: automatic door locks have ruined the time honored test of opening your date's door and then waiting to see if she'll reach across to open you'res. If she didn't game over.


----------



## tankyguy

bigmac said:


> Over the years I've come to the conclusion that a very substantial percentage of the female population is indeed very shallow (I'm sure many men are too). If you want to get play you can't be more than a little fat and it also helps to be a bit of an asshole.



Yup. For volume, 'good looking, confident asshole' trumps 'overweight awkward nice guy' any day for most of the female population. For volume.

And by nice guy, I don't mean an extreme doormat who never sticks up for themselves; I mean an actual guy who is nice, easy going and tries to treat women right.

There is no doubt many people often confuse confidence and good _looks_ with honesty and good_ness_.

I guess the best one can try for, unless you're willing to completely remake yourself into a good looking asshole, is to be confident despite being overweight and awkward and hope you stumble across a woman who is a cut above.

Speaking from personal experience, it's not an easy or terribly encouraging road to travel.




bigmac said:


> You mean my Target shorts and Walmart t-shirts (Target doesn't stock 3X and 4X men's shirts) won't cut it?



You have to work with what you've got, but I've saved up to wear custom tailored if it made me look as well dressed as guys who can find their size anywhere. It sucks that I had to pay through the eye to dress as well, and still not get results. But hey, no one said life was fair.


----------



## loopytheone

LeoGibson said:


> While I do tend to agree with you on a certain level, you may be missing the crux of his point. For instance, if it is one particular shallow woman you're trying to win over by re-arranging who you are, then yes that is pointless and why bother?
> 
> However, if you are doing such to increase your dating pool and meet more women, thus having more options on dating and perhaps finding the one that will then click with your overall personality and from there a few lbs. in either direction won't matter, then that isn't necessarily going after shallow women.





djudex said:


> I disagree with this so vastly...just because a person isn't attracted to people who have extra poudange doesn't make them shallow, it makes them a person with a preference. The women here tend to like men (and/or women) who are overweight and if they wouldn't want to date a thin person that doesn't make them shallow either. I used to think the same way until I realized that was a naive, romanticized, 'love conquers all' vision of people with no grounding in reality. People like what they like, it doesn't make them worse or better, it just makes them, well... human.





tankyguy said:


> Because the number of people in the world who aren't attracted to and won't date someone who isn't close to the 'ideal' weight is much larger than the number of people who will. Hence "all the fat guys coming into the forum complaining that women aren't into them". Because by and large they're not.
> 
> Consider the possibility that those guys may not all just have confidence or self esteem issues. They could be funny, smart and engaging yet conventionally unattractive (which fat is for most people). The one thing you know they have in common is that they are fat and women aren't into them.
> 
> So if you don't want to be alone you either have to hope you find one of those exceedingly rare people who don't care about weight (or are into bigger people) or you have to lose weight like bigmac says and better your odds.
> 
> Like djudex says, people (and by extension women) like what they like and the vast majority don't like fat guys.





Tad said:


> Or if you look around the rest of the boards, you'll find any number of attractive, interesting, with-it, BBW who are inexplicably single. Once you've fallen in love with someone, their size may not matter as much to you, but when you are scanning the room, wondering who you would like to know better....of course you are going to tend to favour the ones who make the best visual first impression on you.
> 
> Which is why my advice for those who don't fit the conventional mould is to meet lots of people in ways/places where you interact with them and get to know them (classes, volunteering, clubs, etc). That way people get to see other features of you, and may decide that your size is not the most important thing about you. Won't work for everyone, but I still think it gives you better odds.



Okay, I seem to have caused quite a stir with that opinion, which I wasn't expecting to be honest. I should point out that I'm not being rude when I call people shallow. But judging a person on the basis of something they can't readily change about their person - and weight is, in my opinion, one of those things - is shallow. Because you are judging on the basis of appearance and not personality. I don't see how it can be argued otherwise. I'm not saying it is a bad thing. You are perfectly entitled to find people attractive based on whatever criteria you like. Most people go by appearance. It is common, it is perfectly acceptable, it is biologically valid and it is shallow. Given that I have very little time for people outside of select few I have no interest in talking to people who are shallow. Because it stands to reason that if you are shallow picking you partner you are shallow picking your friends and that's not cool with me. 

As for Tad's advice to go out to places where you interact with people... isn't that advice for everybody, bigger or not? I mean, I wouldn't touch a guy with a barge pole if he came up to me in a club and just wanted to get with me because he liked the way I look. I would only date people that know me and like me as a person first. I think that people who are overweight tend to place too much emphasis on their size as the route of all their problems...



bigmac said:


> I wouldn't want to date a shallow person. Indeed I'm married to a woman who's not (most of the time). However, that doesn't change the fact that there are very few women out there who will accept advances from fat guys let alone actually seek them out. Over the years I've come to the conclusion that a very substantial percentage of the female population is indeed very shallow (I'm sure many men are too). If you want to get play you can't be more than a little fat and it also helps to be a bit of an asshole.



Well I'm not exactly the person people come to for advice when they want to play the field! =p To be honest, I think that there are a lot of factors other than being fat that can lead to a person being turned down all the time like that. I mean, I have great friends, they are lovely and wonderful, but one of them only ever had one person show any interest in him and the other has literally never pulled a woman or had a relationship in his life. And they are both lean, fit men and aren't shy of asking people out. Not to mention that most women will turn down most men. I mean, I turn down almost everybody and always have. Fat, thin, short, tall, blond, brunette... but if the fat guys I turn down blame it on them being fat without checking with me first then to them they will have more 'proof' that it is their weight that is the problem when it really wasn't that at all.


----------



## Esther

loopytheone said:


> I should point out that I'm not being rude when I call people shallow. But judging a person on the basis of something they can't readily change about their person - and weight is, in my opinion, one of those things - is shallow. Because you are judging on the basis of appearance and not personality. I don't see how it can be argued otherwise. *I'm not saying it is a bad thing*.



o rly 



loopytheone said:


> I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight? I wouldn't want to date a single person that didn't find me attractive at my biggest, my lightest, anywhere in between, because it shows they are a shallow person. I mean, surely it is about the *quality* of women you are attracting rather than the quantity?



HMMMMMMMMMMM


----------



## loopytheone

Esther said:


> o rly
> 
> HMMMMMMMMMMM



Perhaps you should try talking in full sentences because then maybe I'd be able to understand what point you were trying to make. No, being shallow is not a bad thing. But not being shallow is a good thing. In the same way that having a mental illness isn't a bad thing. But not having a mental illness is a good thing, both for that person and likely for ease of relationships.


----------



## Amaranthine

loopytheone said:


> Perhaps you should try talking in full sentences because then maybe I'd be able to understand what point you were trying to make. No, being shallow is not a bad thing. But not being shallow is a good thing. In the same way that having a mental illness isn't a bad thing. But not having a mental illness is a good thing, both for that person and likely for ease of relationships.



Heh, this might be nit-picky, but isn't mental *illness* bad by definition? At least from the perspective of the person with it, I'd say it's most certainly negative. Schizophrenia, depression, OCD. I believe they're all bad for the person with them, and imagine they would agree. 

I suppose it's more of a question whether it's bad for a potential romantic partner. I have a feeling that my input here might be taken rather badly. But if it's untreated, I'm going to say it's definitely bad. Knowing the symptoms of schizophrenia and knowing people with the disease, would untreated schizophrenia make me question dating a person? Yes. Similarly, I HAVE dated people with depression. And is it bad? Honestly, yes. Not that I didn't love them and try my damnedest to be supportive and understanding. But I think it's just a fact that something like that will likely impact a relationship at some point. 

Now, if someone is actively trying to manage it, should you not date them? Of course not. Even if they're not really seeking treatment, a relationship can still be feasible, sure. But I find it difficult to view it as merely neutral. With every relationship there's a set of flaws you're going to have to accept...and I think mental illness can be one of them. And I'm not saying it's anyone's fault or that someone with a mental illness should be viewed negatively or as bad. Certainly not. But characterizing mental illness itself as bad is totally different from that.

That was probably excessive. But 4:30 and energy drinks are a bad combination...so really, that's just my over-energetic musings.


----------



## BearHug2013

It might've simply been a bad example on her part but the original point is still valid. 
Shallowness itself is not bad, but when it's someone's sole criteria for there romantic life..there not doing themselves any favors.


----------



## Amaranthine

BearHug2013 said:


> It might've simply been a bad example on her part but the original point is still valid.
> Shallowness itself is not bad, but when it's someone's sole criteria for there romantic life..there not doing themselves any favors.



Oh, I certainly agree with that. There's far more to any good relationship than physical attraction, and it'd surely be a mistake to mainly judge off that. I'm just bored 

Though. I think the goodness of "not being shallow" depends on the context. When I've attempted to not be shallow in certain relationships (that meaning pursuing despite lack of physical attraction), I would honestly say the sexual element suffered. And a lot of guys probably aren't eager to accept that. But yes, generally, I would agree. 

Right. Time to get to sleep >.>


----------



## loopytheone

Amaranthine said:


> Heh, this might be nit-picky, but isn't mental *illness* bad by definition? At least from the perspective of the person with it, I'd say it's most certainly negative. Schizophrenia, depression, OCD. I believe they're all bad for the person with them, and imagine they would agree.
> 
> I suppose it's more of a question whether it's bad for a potential romantic partner. I have a feeling that my input here might be taken rather badly. But if it's untreated, I'm going to say it's definitely bad. Knowing the symptoms of schizophrenia and knowing people with the disease, would untreated schizophrenia make me question dating a person? Yes. Similarly, I HAVE dated people with depression. And is it bad? Honestly, yes. Not that I didn't love them and try my damnedest to be supportive and understanding. But I think it's just a fact that something like that will likely impact a relationship at some point.
> 
> Now, if someone is actively trying to manage it, should you not date them? Of course not. Even if they're not really seeking treatment, a relationship can still be feasible, sure. But I find it difficult to view it as merely neutral. With every relationship there's a set of flaws you're going to have to accept...and I think mental illness can be one of them. And I'm not saying it's anyone's fault or that someone with a mental illness should be viewed negatively or as bad. Certainly not. But characterizing mental illness itself as bad is totally different from that.
> 
> That was probably excessive. But 4:30 and energy drinks are a bad combination...so really, that's just my over-energetic musings.



Well as somebody with a personality disorder, an anxiety disorder and severe recurrent depression who is dating somebody with similar problems, would I say it is a bad thing? No. Because those aspects are part of who we are as a person. They can be treated, they can be managed but these things always affect the way you think underneath and I don't think that is a bad thing. I think it is a neutral thing. It makes you different from a lot of people but not worse than them. I suppose what I am trying to say is that mental illness is a painful thing to go through and it will need constant treating and care as with any chronic illness. But in the same way that I wouldn't say being in a wheelchair is bad, I don't think mental illness is either. I agree that it is easier on a relationship to be with a person who is not mentally ill, hence me saying that not being mentally ill is a good thing. I get the feeling I am rambling now and not explaining myself very well so i am going to be quiet now!



BearHug2013 said:


> It might've simply been a bad example on her part but the original point is still valid.
> Shallowness itself is not bad, but when it's someone's sole criteria for there romantic life..there not doing themselves any favors.



Yes, this! I was trying to think of an example and that was all that my early morning brain could come up with unfortunately! I don't think being shallow is something a person can change about themselves and I don't think it is a bad thing. But it is a good thing to look beneath the surface of people and find out how awesome they are.


----------



## loopytheone

Amaranthine said:


> Though. I think the goodness of "not being shallow" depends on the context. When I've attempted to not be shallow in certain relationships (that meaning pursuing despite lack of physical attraction), I would honestly say the sexual element suffered. And a lot of guys probably aren't eager to accept that. But yes, generally, I would agree.
> 
> Right. Time to get to sleep >.>



Sorry for the double post, forgot to answer this! :doh:

There is a difference between naturally not being shallow and trying to force yourself into a relationship with a person you don't find attractive. If you don't find them attractive then the relationship wont work. I think I am going to leave my comments on attraction at this though, because as an asexual I'll be honest, I really struggle to understand about raw sexual attraction between people.


----------



## BigChaz

Topic change. Hanging bellies.

Go.


----------



## ODFFA

BigChaz said:


> Topic change. Hanging bellies.
> 
> Go.



For the most part, hell yes! Squishiness. It's all about the squishiness. A belly must, after all, be properly motorboatable too.

BHMs, how do you like your own (hanging?) bellies? Do they cause any day to day frustrations? Have you made any discoveries of amusing/fun things that can be done with them?


----------



## HDANGEL15

BigChaz said:


> Topic change. Hanging bellies.
> 
> Go.



*GIVE ME A BASKETBALL SHAPED BEER GUT any day....MEOW!!!!!!!! :wubu:*


----------



## loopytheone

BigChaz said:


> Topic change. Hanging bellies.
> 
> Go.



Oh gosh yes! Soft and squishy and warm and kissable and squeezable.... hard bellies do nothing for me I'm afraid! I'm lucky my partner has such a big, soft, chubby tummy! :wubu:


----------



## djudex

ODFFA said:


> Do they cause any day to day frustrations?



God damn shirts that are supposed to be 4XLT and still tug out of the waistband of my slacks when I do anything as strenuous as breath deeply. I know ladies on here have asked before why us fat guys wear our pants so high and cover our belly hang, that's why. My kingdom for a well designed t-shirt!



> Have you made any discoveries of amusing/fun things that can be done with them?



Aside from using it as an emergency table? Not really. It's kind of like those old silicon squishy toys that were the rage back in the 90's, fun to moosh around and makes funny shapes with but not overly practical.


----------



## sophie lou

BigChaz said:


> Topic change. Hanging bellies.
> 
> Go.



I couldn't resist this one. I have a friend who is on the way to becoming a lot more who is a BHM. He is wonderful and knows all about how much of an FA I am. This is great for me because I can have lots of belly time whenever I want it. I have never motorboated him but he has done it to me several times. I'm sure if I ask him he will let me try and see what it is like. I love the soft squishyness of his belly.


----------



## BearHug2013

ODFFA said:


> For the most part, hell yes! Squishiness. It's all about the squishiness. A belly must, after all, be properly motorboatable too.
> 
> BHMs, how do you like your own (hanging?) bellies? Do they cause any day to day frustrations? Have you made any discoveries of amusing/fun things that can be done with them?



Ok maybe it's because I'm new and all, but I feel like I'm in the twilight zone:huh:
Hmm, frustration...well it can be a pain find the right shirt that fits well. Oh and I Guess the school day disparaging remarks from my school days that randomly pop in my head:doh:


----------



## Amaranthine

ODFFA said:


> For the most part, hell yes! Squishiness. It's all about the squishiness. *A belly must, after all, be properly motorboatable too.*



I...had not thought of this. Though I have to agree, squish is where it's at. 

Does anyone else enjoy cuddling up and using a belly for a pillow? So much comfier :happy:


----------



## reuben6380

The belly in or out of the pants is always a bit of bit of a conundrum. On one hand the style of the day is to have a lower waistline but it looks abit sloppy to just "let it all hang out" especially if the shirt isnt quite long enough and it peaks out of the bottom. But conversely, if you have pants that fit well and go around your natural waistline, while more proffesionl, you look shorter and they give you that oldman look. I site the example of the major of new jersey, I'm pretty sure he was born without a torso


----------



## BigChaz

reuben6380 said:


> The belly in or out of the pants is always a bit of bit of a conundrum. On one hand the style of the day is to have a lower waistline but it looks abit sloppy to just "let it all hang out" especially if the shirt isnt quite long enough and it peaks out of the bottom. But conversely, if you have pants that fit well and go around your natural waistline, while more proffesionl, you look shorter and they give you that oldman look. I site the example of the major of new jersey, I'm pretty sure he was born without a torso



Ah yes, the classic conundrum. Wear pants above the belly (and now you have to wear a much large size and larger belt) and look like a beach ball getting cut in half when you sit down. 

Wear pants below the belly and need shirts that are gigantic in order to be able to cover it all and stay tucked in. Now people also think you are sloppy. I have a huge belly hang and when I walk, well honestly, waddle, my lower belly basically bounces up and down / sways all around and I think most people find that less pleasing than over the belly.

I think belly shape / type / jiggle factor all must be taken into account in the over/under debate.


----------



## sophie lou

Amaranthine said:


> I...had not thought of this. Though I have to agree, squish is where it's at.
> 
> Does anyone else enjoy cuddling up and using a belly for a pillow? So much comfier :happy:



Yes that is exactly it, a belly that you can rest your head on or cuddle. I like to paw and kneed at like a kitten. I am so going to have to try the motorboating idea it sounds so much fun. 

What about straddling the belly for some really naughty fun? I really enjoy doing that


----------



## reuben6380

So here is a question for the ladies, what looks better- pants over or under the belly? 

I personally get yelled at when i go belly over because,as my wife puts it, I have belly cleavage. She feels it makes me look unkempt, like i dont know how to buy cloths that fit me. Which honestly is ironic because she buys me cloths that she like me in :doh:


----------



## bigmac

How about the issue of going shirtless? When I'm outside I like feeling the sun and breeze on my skin (especially at the beach). However I'm not too fond of the OMG mouth open stares.

I'm not sure if its the fact I'm fat or that I'm covered in hair (which is going grey so I guess I look like a 300 pound silver back gorilla). Regardless, what's the point of going to the beach if you don't get to run around in just your swim suit.


----------



## loopytheone

reuben6380 said:


> So here is a question for the ladies, what looks better- pants over or under the belly?
> 
> I personally get yelled at when i go belly over because,as my wife puts it, I have belly cleavage. She feels it makes me look unkempt, like i dont know how to buy cloths that fit me. Which honestly is ironic because she buys me cloths that she like me in :doh:



Belly over, no question! It looks so cute and awesome moving about all unrestrained like that! Tell your wife to stop being so picky and get over herself. Her nitpicking isn't going to make you 100lbs lighter now is it. 



bigmac said:


> How about the issue of going shirtless? When I'm outside I like feeling the sun and breeze on my skin (especially at the beach). However I'm not too fond of the OMG mouth open stares.
> 
> I'm not sure if its the fact I'm fat or that I'm covered in hair (which is going grey so I guess I look like a 300 pound silver back gorilla). Regardless, what's the point of going to the beach if you don't get to run around in just your swim suit.



I know this is easier said than done but you need to learn to just ignore the slack jawed idiots on the beach. You are your own person, who cares what they think. You are there to have fun, so just try and ignore the other beach goers and enjoy yourself!


----------



## BearHug2013

That'd be much easier you go shirtless with people who like or don't mind you going shirtless. It's much easier if you got someone along who's not against defending your shirtless-ness. I'm the same and ya gotta cool in your own skin...which is why I run walk around the house naked 10 minutes a day


----------



## ODFFA

I've seen guys manage a belly under that doesn't make them look torso-less or over 80. And I've liked it on them. And I hardly need say that belly over makes me pretty happy too. I honestly think it differs from person to person - whatever makes you feel most professional and comfortable, and suits you best in your own opinion. I must just add that I have a thing for an untucked shirt - especially a buttondown. Maybe that's because it leaves a little bit to the imagination and.... idk, just has a particularly cuddly look to it.

Now, as for shirtlessness.... This reminds me of our December holiday and how many BHMs there were on the beach, most of whom had a gorgeous woman laying beside them or engaging in what I like to call cuddle-walking. This sight is nothing new in South Africa. BHMs abound (we like our red meat). Everyone of every size and hairiness level had the least amount of clothing on them because.... it's hot!  So to me it's just the most natural thing in the world, but again, do what feels right and comfortable to _you_. People are curious creatures and they will always find something to stare at.


----------



## BearHug2013

Are you serious? 
If so I may have to vacation on a South African beach. 
American infomercials have totally mislead me.

Now a quick site question for you all: my "posting rules" says I can't post attachments, is that a profile issue or cause I'm on here from my phone?


----------



## Amaranthine

Either under or over can work, and I've been known to appreciate both. But as most FFAs would probably say, under is particularly great. Especially for surprise squeezing. I agree about untucked shirts! I've noticed that it works well with pants over the belly, because it hides that fact a bit and detracts from the potentially elderly/only torso look.





BearHug2013 said:


> Are you serious?
> If so I may have to vacation on a South African beach.
> American infomercials have totally mislead me.
> 
> Now a quick site question for you all: my "posting rules" says I can't post attachments, is that a profile issue or cause I'm on here from my phone?



Now I'm contemplating a future vacation to one of these beaches...


Back when I first joined, I remember being able to post attachments quite early on. So I'm going to say it's a matter of being on your phone.


----------



## BearHug2013

Amaranthine said:


> Back when I first joined, I remember being able to post attachments quite early on. So I'm going to say it's a matter of being on your phone.



Thanks
At least now I KNOW I'll have to do it from my computer


----------



## Mordecai

I tend to go over the belly, but with some suits I own, I have to let it hang.



Amaranthine said:


> Does anyone else enjoy cuddling up and using a belly for a pillow? So much comfier :happy:



I enjoy when a lady I like uses my belly as a pillow. I think it's cute.


----------



## Cobra Verde

I really wish society would adopt the hobbit custom of _giving _people presents on your birthday. Not only would it save me time and stress - since I'd only have to worry about getting people birthday presents 1 day every year - but I would actually look forward to other people's birthday parties.


----------



## Tad

Over, under, whatever.I just wish that there was a way to keep my trousers staying in one place (well, short of suspenders or pulling my belt so tight that it hurts). Ive learned not to plan walking any substantial distance with both hands full, because if I cant hitch em up occasionally Ill soon be walking on my cuffs. 

Im not even all that large, not sure if this gets better or worse as you get bigger? Granted that part of my issue comes with having no hips, mostly a ball belly, and a short waist, so other guys may not have as many problems? And technically there is a point where I could wear things under and theyd presumably stay in place, but that means that in front theyre pretty much lying on my pubic bone which might be a little too low, ya know?


----------



## biglynch

This is the big question indeed. I'm an under guy, I just cant bare the feel of when its over. Im a non tucker of shirts unless im at work and then I go for a longer fit. I think in my opinion it looks better this way too. Belts or a proper git though if you are an under fan.

I do happen to think I'm a pretty decent dresser for a big guy, but hey I could be wrong. 

On a different note im looking to get back into selling online but im not a fan of ebay. Has anyone got any alternate sites they use?


----------



## BearHug2013

Amazon always worked well for me(as a consumer).


----------



## biglynch

Cobra Verde said:


> I can only feel bad to a point for the people in Oklahoma. Why in the FUCK would you live in a place where you know there's an excellent chance that a tornado will destroy everything you own and maybe even kill you some day?!
> Or for that matter why would anyone live on a fault line or below sea level? Was their first choice to live on a volcano?
> Fucking *MOVE* you idiots.



No clever response. Just a simple FUCK YOU PAL.
I am going to guess you wanted an angry response right?


----------



## Amaranthine

Cobra Verde said:


> I can only feel bad to a point for the people in Oklahoma. Why in the FUCK would you live in a place where you know there's an excellent chance that a tornado will destroy everything you own and maybe even kill you some day?!
> Or for that matter why would anyone live on a fault line or below sea level? Was their first choice to live on a volcano?
> Fucking *MOVE* you idiots.



See, this is my problem with laws. If homicide didn't carry so many legal repercussions, the population might be a bit more manageable. A genocide or two and no one will have to live in these god-forsaken areas! 

But NOPE. Illegality all around


----------



## Paquito

Cobra Verde said:


> I can only feel bad to a point for the people in Oklahoma. Why in the FUCK would you live in a place where you know there's an excellent chance that a tornado will destroy everything you own and maybe even kill you some day?!
> Or for that matter why would anyone live on a fault line or below sea level? Was their first choice to live on a volcano?
> Fucking *MOVE* you idiots.



What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent post were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this forum is now dumber for having read it. 
I award you no rep. And may God have mercy on your soul.


----------



## Amaranthine

Alright, here's a question for anyone. 

When I watch something - be it an older television episode or a movie - I tend to get extremely impatient come the middle of it. As a result, I sometimes google the media being watched and read the plot. While I don't feel like this really detracts from my watching experience, friends find this habit somewhat terrible. 

What's wrong with enjoying something mostly because of the characters? IE: I watch House for...House. The structure is formulaic enough and eventually, I'd rather just know what non-Lupus ailment is the culprit. 

So am I the only one who succumbs to this urge? Or has the urge period? :doh:


----------



## BearHug2013

Amaranthine said:


> Alright, here's a question for anyone.
> 
> When I watch something - be it an older television episode or a movie - I tend to get extremely impatient come the middle of it. As a result, I sometimes google the media being watched and read the plot. While I don't feel like this really detracts from my watching experience, friends find this habit somewhat terrible.
> 
> What's wrong with enjoying something mostly because of the characters? IE: I watch House for...House. The structure is formulaic enough and eventually, I'd rather just know what non-Lupus ailment is the culprit.
> 
> So am I the only one who succumbs to this urge? Or has the urge period? :doh:



I totally feel ya on that one!! I'm watching fringe for the first time and I peeked at the ending and now I'm more excited to get there 
Best to do it when watching stuff alone  others might get annoyed.


----------



## ODFFA

Amaranthine said:


> So am I the only one who succumbs to this urge? Or has the urge period? :doh:



Fear not, for I bear thee glad tidings! 

I've been known to do this too. Not all the time or with everything, but I have and I don't feel it takes away from my viewing pleasure either. 

Come to think of it, I'm actually more impatient when it comes to reading and I like to do this with books a lot. It's probably fair to say that I even get more excited at times when I know what's going to happen, because I'm able to get that much more wrapped up in the details of _how_ it unfolds. I think we have the advantage of noticing more things like when you've watched something twice.... without having to actually watch/read it twice. *snaps finger to the side with some 'tude* That also goes back to enjoying a story for the characters.

It's all good 

Edit: BearHug, I somehow didn't see your reply so I was announcing the we-get-more-enjoyment thing as if it were the unheard gospel, but there ya have it! It has been confirmed and is now a concrete certainty.


----------



## loopytheone

Amaranthine said:


> Alright, here's a question for anyone.
> 
> When I watch something - be it an older television episode or a movie - I tend to get extremely impatient come the middle of it. As a result, I sometimes google the media being watched and read the plot. While I don't feel like this really detracts from my watching experience, friends find this habit somewhat terrible.
> 
> What's wrong with enjoying something mostly because of the characters? IE: I watch House for...House. The structure is formulaic enough and eventually, I'd rather just know what non-Lupus ailment is the culprit.
> 
> So am I the only one who succumbs to this urge? Or has the urge period? :doh:



I do this too! Most anime I watch I end up reading about first and then watching, and most games I play a bit of, read about the story and stuff, and then get down to watching how it all unfolds! I actually tend to get into an anime/game because I've read all about the characters and therefore the storyline and want to see those characters myself!


----------



## Sasquatch!

You people don't deserve stories.


----------



## The Dark Lady

Suspense is a piss-poor reason to enjoy any kind of story, and quality media creations will carry themselves without it. This's the reason I do it the Amaranthine/ODAFFA/Loopy way.


----------



## ODFFA

...wait, hold on....

yep, I do believe The Dark Lady has sung like a bluebird, baby! End of story.


----------



## Cobra Verde

Amaranthine said:


> See, this is my problem with laws. If homicide didn't carry so many legal repercussions, the population might be a bit more manageable. A genocide or two and no one will have to live in these god-forsaken areas!
> 
> But NOPE. Illegality all around


That's your solution for everything!





BigChaz said:


> You are literally the dumbest motherfucker alive.


When your city is a smoking pile of rubble just remember that you were told.


----------



## BearHug2013

ODFFA said:


> ...wait, hold on....
> 
> yep, I do believe The Dark Lady has sung like a bluebird, baby! End of story.



Woo!! We got another convert
And they shall call us the Future Lookers"


----------



## Sasquatch!

BearHug2013 said:


> Woo!! We got another convert
> And they shall call us the Future Lookers"



A saying comes to mind instead. "Not seeing the painting for the brushstrokes".

I happen to like watching or reading things several times. The technical enjoyment is for the second or third run-through, when suspension of disbelief isn't necessary.


----------



## Tad

1) Re: Amaranthine and others looking up the plot...I don't do this, but I do understand the impatience. For the most part I'm doing something else at the same time as watching TV (reading, ironing, playing on the computer, whatever) and my focus kinds of fades in and out with regards to what is on the TV, so I just don't pay a lot of attention to the tedious middle parts most of the time (there are the occasional shows or episodes that keep me riveted....but these are very rare)

2) Proper maintenance of one's ignore list is a key contributor to one's satisfactory forum user experience.

3) I like walking in the rain, ever since I invested in a good umbrella. Aside from the fact that it keeps me dryer (being larger than the cheap ones generally are), using something that is well designed and well made just pleases me. Is it weird that the quality of my umbrella affects how I feel about the rain?


----------



## Cobra Verde

Am I the only one who saw the "Rate Me Nigga" thread before it was deleted or did I imagine it?


----------



## Cobra Verde

BearHug2013 said:


> Woo!! We got another convert
> And they shall call us the Future Lookers"


There's already a word for that. It's "philistines".


----------



## cakeboy

A cheap umbrella is just a piss off.


----------



## Amaranthine

Tad said:


> 3) I like walking in the rain, ever since I invested in a good umbrella. Aside from the fact that it keeps me dryer (being larger than the cheap ones generally are), using something that is well designed and well made just pleases me. Is it weird that the quality of my umbrella affects how I feel about the rain?



I don't think so! I love walking in the rain and hearing the pitter-patter of it on my umbrella. But when my umbrella is being ravaged by the wind and bending under pressure...I'm no longer enjoying the stroll. It's more like I'm walking my umbrella. And though I'm not typically one to concern myself with fashion, a nicely patterned umbrella is a joy of its own.


----------



## tankyguy

I love to go walking in the rain without an umbrella.
Those nighttime Fall showers. The downtown silent except for the low pattering and the roaring gutters. The streets empty save for myself and the occasional cab. Neon reflected off the slick pavement.

It's like something out of film noir, except I can't quite pull off the trenchcoat look, but I love it.
:happy:


----------



## bigmac

Cobra Verde said:


> I can only feel bad to a point for the people in Oklahoma. Why in the FUCK would you live in a place where you know there's an excellent chance that a tornado will destroy everything you own and maybe even kill you some day?!
> Or for that matter why would anyone live on a fault line or below sea level? Was their first choice to live on a volcano?
> Fucking *MOVE* you idiots.



You do know that tornadoes of this magnitude can strike anywhere from the gulf coast to the Canadian subarctic. You proposing that we abandon two thirds of the continent?

A huge tornado (similar in magnitude to this week's storm) hit my home town of Edmonton (450 miles north of the US border) in 1987 killing 27 people.

http://news.nationalpost.com/2012/08/04/black-friday/ 


Indeed killer tornadoes have hit pretty much every region of North America. From Windsor Ontario, to Cleveland Ohio, to Cheyenne Wyoming. A 1953 tornado killed 94 people in Worcester Massachusetts. Even California gets tornadoes -- 1983 tornado injured 30 people in Los Angeles. 


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_tornadoes_striking_downtown_areas_of_large_cities


----------



## Cobra Verde

Can happen &#8800; Will happen

I _can _be struck by lightning anywhere, that doesn't mean it's wise for me to be on top of a mountain during a thunderstorm. 

You'll likely see another 50 F4 or F5 tornadoes destroy towns in Oklahoma before 1 hits Cheyenne or Worcester again.


I reiterate:


----------



## fritzi

BigChaz said:


> You are literally the dumbest motherfucker alive.



Chaz is right once more!

True stupidity is when you are unable or unwilling to recognize you might be wrong even if people patiently try to educate you!

In your post you do no less than denounce 80% of the history of human settlement - because the most densely populated areas on the planet have always been those that for climatic or geological reasons might include some form of potential hazard:

Evacuate California, the Western coast of Central and South America, the entire Mediterranean with Asia Minor all th way over to Iran and Afghanistan, Japan, Western China and Indonesia - irresponsible living there because of the risk of earth quakes!

Get out of all cities built on the coast, in river deltas or on rivers because of the potential tsunamis, storms and flooding... wait, which ones would that leave us with??

Or where would humanity be allowed to live with this rational? 

Of all the stupid discussions there sometimes are around here, this one is high on the list of the most unnecessary :doh::doh::doh:


----------



## Cobra Verde

My mistake, I guess they're geniuses for living in the heart of a place called Tornado Alley.


----------



## LeoGibson

Cobra Verde said:


> My mistake, I guess they're geniuses for living in the heart of a place called Tornado Alley.



No more so than people are geniuses for living in New York or London because we all know that's the place terrorists like to strike. So they should really think about moving.

Japanese people should look for new places to reside also since tsunami's hit them.

Anyone that lives along the gulf coast or eastern seaboard should also move, you know, hurricanes and all.

The thing is, you made a tasteless joke that backfired a bit and wasn't very funny. Just accept that and move on. Your posts are sometimes amusing although the take nothing serious treat every situation like your auditioning for the improv does get slightly redundant.


----------



## Sasquatch!

I love you so much right now Leo.


----------



## Yakatori

Found this tough to watch.


----------



## tankyguy

Anyone else find the girl in the Wendy's ads a little creepy?

Like, in the most recent ad she's cheering up a kid who just lost a little league game. Dad is there, but if I was him and some random grown stranger just appeared and inserts themselves into a conversation I was having with my son addressing him directly, I'd be more than a little...concerned, to say the least. And what exactly was she doing hanging around a little league game anyways?

And then later, after dad and son went a got some Wendy's and they're in a whole other location, she's still following them from a distance.

Weird.


----------



## Dromond

Amaranthine said:


> Alright, here's a question for anyone.
> 
> When I watch something - be it an older television episode or a movie - I tend to get extremely impatient come the middle of it. As a result, I sometimes google the media being watched and read the plot. While I don't feel like this really detracts from my watching experience, friends find this habit somewhat terrible.
> 
> What's wrong with enjoying something mostly because of the characters? IE: I watch House for...House. The structure is formulaic enough and eventually, I'd rather just know what non-Lupus ailment is the culprit.
> 
> So am I the only one who succumbs to this urge? Or has the urge period? :doh:



I will do this if the movie is boring me. If I'm into it, I don't want spoilers.


----------



## Tad

tankyguy said:


> Anyone else find the girl in the Wendy's ads a little creepy?
> 
> Like, in the most recent ad she's cheering up a kid who just lost a little league game. Dad is there, but if I was him and some random grown stranger just appeared and inserts themselves into a conversation I was having with my son addressing him directly, I'd be more than a little...concerned, to say the least. And what exactly was she doing hanging around a little league game anyways?
> 
> And then later, after dad and son went a got some Wendy's and they're in a whole other location, she's still following them from a distance.
> 
> Weird.



Yah, I thought that one was a little off, too.


----------



## ODFFA

Cross-posting from the crushes thread... 'cause that's the way I want it....

I’ve been on Dims exactly one year today! :bounce: 
I believe this permits me to get just a little cumbaya on you all. So, bear with me.....you know, just this once  I thought I’d make a little crush list of people that have been on my mind lately, say a little something to them/about them and add a song that makes me think of their amazingness whenever I hear it. 

PS: You guys know how much awesomesaucery goes on here and I’m only human, so if you’re not on this list, I prrrrobably still think you’re fantastic.


*Spiritangel-Amanda:* You remind me of everything that’s important in life and you are one beautiful specimen of woman. This is an Afrikaans song, but it’s sung by another lovely Amanda and I think of you every time I hear it. (I did take a crack at translating it; the English is in the description box.) [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djI-8Wv9QGA"]Slippers Van Satyn &#8211; Amanda Strydom[/ame]

*Amaranthine-Amanda:* You’re the personification of that famous quote by Marianne Williamson. You have such an empowering and liberating presence. I am one among many on here that have benefited from it. What You Want &#8211; Evanescence 

*Dark Lady:* Ravishingly beautiful in mind, body and spirit. I’ve learned a lot from having the pleasure of seeing you be so unapologetically true to yourself. [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebT_aWqidKA"]Precious Dark &#8211; Inidica [/ame]

*Sassy:* I bow to your astonishing wit, sir. And I love that you use your superpowers for good. [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lG2zPKo9e4"]Angel Of Music &#8211; Phantom Of The Opera[/ame]

*Hozay:* I want what you’re having. Your love of life, music and all things awesome is so freakin’ contagious. Lucky us. Your compliments are also really amazing and sincere, and have meant a lot to me. [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHP-Io31fvs"]Life Is A Highway &#8211; Rascal Flatts[/ame] (Personally, I really love this version)

*Surly:* Well, you’re Canadian, so there’s that. You’ve just been so lovely and kind to me from day one and instantly made me feel like a part of this community. I love how _real_ you are. [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3bVwmOnLbk"]Haunted By Love &#8211; Dominique Fricot[/ame] (You introduced me to this song and I’m haunted by your awesomeness every time it comes up on my mp3 player)

*Tad:* The voice of reason; and also a Canadian. I always find myself wanting to know what your take on a particular discussion is. Your posts and messages are always ridiculously logical, wise and encouraging, and you will never ever get a TL;DR from me. [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwHWqZmAB00"]Idioteque &#8211; Radiohead, as covered by Vienna Teng[/ame]

I’m a better OD because of all of you. Not even kidding.

THANK YOU, DIMS :wubu:


----------



## Sasquatch!

Thanks OD! <3


----------



## Tad

*click*
*click*
*click*

Darn it, repper is empty again! (seems that way more often than not when I point it your way, Odffa).

And has it really only been a year? You seem like one of those people who have been around for ages--and I mean that in the very best way. You are just good people to be around


----------



## Cobra Verde

Despite being notified it was coming up I wasted my 420th post.



Which....is pretty apropos come to think of it.


----------



## The Dark Lady

ODFFA said:


> *Dark Lady:* Ravishingly beautiful in mind, body and spirit. Ive learned a lot from having the pleasure of seeing you be so unapologetically true to yourself. Precious Dark  Inidica



Thank you muchly, sweet lady! :wubu: I'm very fond of your presence on this site as well, as you already know by now, lol. By the way, the music I hear playing whenever I read your posts is usually the Swan Lake theme, which is odd because I didn't know your name until fairly recently.


----------



## ODFFA

People are awesome :happy:

I feel like Ive been here for ages too. And I mean that in the very best way 

Moving this brilliantly addictive thread right along, Im curious to know what people think... I find myself a bit torn on the issue of the Dims categories. I mean, categories exist primarily to be practical and helpful, I would imagine. And they are.

Im really glad theres a BHM/FFA board, an FA/FFA board and I think its great that theres a BBW board, etc. At the same time though, I find it a pity that these dividers become divides that tend to make us either so afraid/comfortable/single-minded that we can easily miss out on some rather wonderful mingling. 

E.g.... I realised the other day that Ive never visited or posted in the GLBTQ board and asked myself why. Its certainly not due to lack of interest, prejudice or fear of association with that board. If it were, fair enough. But I realised that it was more because of a very, very subtle sense that I had no business there. Im not talking about feeling unwelcome or even intimidated at all. I just mean that, because the category exists, it would _feel_ the tiniest bit unnatural at first for me to poke my nose around there as a heterosexual female.

Thing is, it wouldnt really _be_ unnatural in the least. Im a human being. Im interested in sexuality and the nature of attraction. Im interested to know what peoples general likes, dislikes and experiences are and how they compare with my own. And, after all, I would honestly be pretty chuffed if a non-[F]FA poked their nose around our board in the spirit of learning, sharing and contributing. 

Thoughts? Opinions? Experiences?

*....visits GLBTQ board....*


----------



## Amaranthine

I definitely know what you mean! I typically visit most of the boards just to look around, but I rarely go on the BBW board. Even though there are interesting threads to read, it just doesn't seem like a place I should post, as I don't really fit the category. Oddly, most boards seem to have their their particular crowds. Like the Lounge and Hyde Park, even though there's really no descriptor restrictions. 

That being said, I think some of the sub-forums could certainly use some more traffic/a greater variety of posters. The GLBTQ forum, especially. It's been pretty dead for awhile, and some other people posting and asking questions might liven it up a little!


----------



## Dromond

I browse most of the main forums. I mainly post in the Lounge, the Main forum, Hyde Park and here. Mostly I post when I have something to say and feel like saying it. Even though I visit the BBW board, the GLBTQ board, the Fashion board, etc, I rarely have something worth saying in those areas.


----------



## LeoGibson

I have to second what Dromond posted. I too browse most of the other boards, but generally only post in a couple of them when I have something I think might add to a discussion or is a topic that I either have an interest or knowledge in whatever is being discussed.


----------



## Tad

I used to be more shy about which boards I visited, but then I found the 'new posts' button. Now I normally just hit that, and go read any interesting looking post that isn't on the paysite board. 

I do try not to post on the BBW board, what with not being a BBW and it being a protected space (although occasionally I'll respond to a post without remembering to check which board it was actually on), and I'm far more apt to read on the GLBQT board than post there, because while I support and sympathize I have no real experience in that area so most of the time I figure it is better to hold my fingers.

I do like how the BHM/FFA board kind of has everything rolled into one board, however--it makes for a nice community!


----------



## loopytheone

I tend to check these boards in order every time I come online:
- Main
- 20s something Lounge
- FA/FFA
- BBW
- BHM/FFA
- Sexuality
- Weight board/weight gain sub board

I have checked out just about every board on this site though! As my posts in the past probably show! I just love hearing different people's opinions and such. The only thing that makes me sad is how quickly things go from a debate or discussion with people sharing their opinions to people attacking others and just being plain rude. To be honest, because of that I have started to feel less safe and welcome here on Dims and have been losing my internet in it, which is sad because I feel at home here.


----------



## ODFFA

So many awesome people roaming allll around Dims :happy: I'm getting into more of a Dims-is-my-oyster mentality now too!

I hear you, Loopy. I always say I love discussion......don't care toooo much for debate. For me the difference in connotation between those words is; when you are 'discussing' something you are sharing ideas - freely communicating your own and being open to hearing and understanding others' as best you can. What you do with your ideas after the fact, whether they remain unchanged or not, is your own business. 

'Debating,' for me, has the connotation of wanting to convince - wanting your own ideas to be heard and taken on board, sometimes at unnecessary costs. While this kind of communication has its place, I guess, I personally find the other kind much more enjoyable and beneficial.  I'm sure some people would tell me "no, dear, I think you're mistaking debate for argument." Could very well be. Not always easy to tell the difference


----------



## Tad

Just by the way, if anyone starts with "no, dear," and they are not an elderly relative, I think you entirely allowed to let their head have an argument with any handy large blunt object (or at the very least to imagine it, while you ignore what they are say) ;-)

And yah, come for the eye-candy or acceptance, stay for the discussions!


----------



## loopytheone

ODFFA said:


> I hear you, Loopy. I always say I love discussion......don't care toooo much for debate. For me the difference in connotation between those words is; when you are 'discussing' something you are sharing ideas - freely communicating your own and being open to hearing and understanding others' as best you can. What you do with your ideas after the fact, whether they remain unchanged or not, is your own business.
> 
> 'Debating,' for me, has the connotation of wanting to convince - wanting your own ideas to be heard and taken on board, sometimes at unnecessary costs. While this kind of communication has its place, I guess, I personally find the other kind much more enjoyable and beneficial.  I'm sure some people would tell me "no, dear, I think you're mistaking debate for argument." Could very well be. Not always easy to tell the difference



That is a really good point and one that I haven't put much thought into to be honest. I guess the problem I have is that I like playing devil's advocate sometimes and I like stating when my opinion is different from another person's but that has nothing to do with wanting them to agree with me. I do sometimes desire that people will accept my opinion is a valid one in addition to their own but I don't want people to think like me. The way that I see it, the world is full of people and everybody is a little bit different and it is these differences that make us who we are and that is why people are interesting. I want to understand more about why people think things but I get the feeling I rub people up the wrong way with that because I tend to get people turn all annoyed and bitchy on me. ^^;


----------



## Tad

loopytheone said:


> I guess the problem I have is that I like playing devil's advocate sometimes and I like stating when my opinion is different from another person's but that has nothing to do with wanting them to agree with me. ....... I want to understand more about why people think things but I get the feeling I rub people up the wrong way with that because I tend to get people turn all annoyed and bitchy on me. ^^;



IMO, with practice one can get better at making it clear that this opposing viewpoint is not meant in an attacking or slighting way. Online, it never hurts to be painfully explicit about why you are putting things that way, or to include lots of disclaimers, or to put it all as questions rather than statements (also, the questions pretty much invite a reply  ). Emoticons can help too.

Basically, this sort of thing always runs the risk of annoying people, but on line people can't see you making cute, non-threatening, faces that clearly show you are not trying to antagonize, so you kind of have to layer on thick the alternative ways of expressing that.

At least, that has been my experience. Your mileage may vary. No warranty express or implied. Use at your own risk..... 

And at that, have you ever been writing up a response, and thought to yourself, no matter how I phrase this, this is just going to get taken the wrong way....maybe it is better to not post this one?


----------



## loopytheone

Tad said:


> IMO, with practice one can get better at making it clear that this opposing viewpoint is not meant in an attacking or slighting way. Online, it never hurts to be painfully explicit about why you are putting things that way, or to include lots of disclaimers, or to put it all as questions rather than statements (also, the questions pretty much invite a reply  ). Emoticons can help too.
> 
> Basically, this sort of thing always runs the risk of annoying people, but on line people can't see you making cute, non-threatening, faces that clearly show you are not trying to antagonize, so you kind of have to layer on thick the alternative ways of expressing that.
> 
> At least, that has been my experience. Your mileage may vary. No warranty express or implied. Use at your own risk.....
> 
> And at that, have you ever been writing up a response, and thought to yourself, no matter how I phrase this, this is just going to get taken the wrong way....maybe it is better to not post this one?



Thank you for the advice and I think you are right! I guess I am just used to talking to people in real life and being understood easily so I forget that there are so many cues missing online, you know? 

I have indeed had that moment where I've realised something is going to come out wrong and thought that it is best just to say something funny (well, funny to me at least, that is hugely subjective!) and leave it at that. I tend to leave a while between seeing a post and replying as well just so that I'm not getting over excited and passionate in my responses! I enjoy myself too much and I think that comes off completely wrong!


----------



## BearHug2013

Given that I'm still relatively new here, I've stuck to only a few boards:

-BHM/FFAsmitten
-Lounge
-20's


----------



## cakeboy

I visit Hyde Park occasionally for the comedy. Partisan idiocy + un-medicated pathologies + fumbling passive-aggressiveness = awesomeness.


----------



## Dromond

Hey, I take my meds!


----------



## loopytheone

cakeboy said:


> I visit Hyde Park occasionally for the comedy. Partisan idiocy + un-medicated pathologies + fumbling passive-aggressiveness = awesomeness.



I try and stay away from that board just for the sake of my mental healthy for exactly the same reasons!


----------



## Dromond

Mental health is highly overrated.


----------



## Yakatori

"over-stated" is more like-it...


----------



## ODFFA

Dromond said:


> Mental health is highly overrated.





Yakatori said:


> "over-stated" is more like-it...



Teehee! Maybe I'm flaky, but I can't help agreeing with you both.

Btw, I HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER ;_; Somebody hug me.


----------



## djudex

ODFFA said:


> Btw, I HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER ;_; Somebody hug me.



IMA HUG YOU SO HARD YO MOMMA GONNA GET A HUG TOO


----------



## CleverBomb

...that's the way you need it,
any way you want it. 


(Now you all understand the horrible Journey this thread's title has made me endure, personally. You're welcome.)


----------



## loopytheone

ODFFA said:


> Btw, I HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER ;_; Somebody hug me.



Haha, me to! Not such a fan of the stranger hugging though to be fair! =p


----------



## BearHug2013

ODFFA said:


> Teehee! Maybe I'm flaky, but I can't help agreeing with you both.
> 
> Btw, I HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER ;_; Somebody hug me.



:happy: *HUG* :happy:


----------



## Dromond

ODFFA said:


> Teehee! Maybe I'm flaky, but I can't help agreeing with you both.



Nothing wrong with that. Normal is boring.


----------



## ODFFA

djudex said:


> IMA HUG YOU SO HARD YO MOMMA GONNA GET A HUG TOO



Hahaaaa! Tha's what I'm talkin' 'bout!



loopytheone said:


> Haha, me to! Not such a fan of the stranger hugging though to be fair! =p



Separated. At. Birth.



BearHug2013 said:


> :happy: *HUG* :happy:



My favourite kind 



Dromond said:


> Nothing wrong with that. Normal is boring.



Normal = Boring
x
ain't no such thing as Normal
=
ain't no such thing as Boring


----------



## Sasquatch!

I'd hug you, but I'm afraid I'd catch some ridiculous South African disease like Biltong Fever or Boer Cooties.


----------



## ODFFA

:sad:


...five seconds later...


Oh well, I'll live. *chews biltong*
(The Cooties don't apply. Do I look like a farmer to you?)


----------



## Sasquatch!

ODFFA said:


> :sad:
> 
> 
> ...five seconds later...
> 
> 
> Oh well, I'll live. *chews biltong*
> (The Cooties don't apply. Do I look like a farmer to you?)



*so..... tempted.... to say.... gah!*



What is everyone's fascination with jerky anyway? The stuff sounds disgusting!


----------



## djudex

Jerky is awesome. Bison jerky is especially tasty.

Fuck, now I want jerky.


----------



## biglynch

djudex said:


> Jerky is awesome. Bison jerky is especially tasty.
> 
> Fuck, now I want jerky.



Yep me too, and some pork scratchings, gherkins and olives.


----------



## loopytheone

biglynch said:


> Yep me too, and some pork scratchings, gherkins and olives.



You can keep those, just as long as you give me all your sweets instead!!! :eat2:


----------



## biglynch

loopytheone said:


> You can keep those, just as long as you give me all your sweets instead!!! :eat2:



That seems like a very fair trade. Deal.


----------



## BigChaz

djudex said:


> Jerky is awesome. Bison jerky is especially tasty.
> 
> Fuck, now I want jerky.





biglynch said:


> Yep me too, and some pork scratchings, gherkins and olives.




Never have more true words been spoken on this forum.

Here are the sites I order jerky from. I alternate depending on what I am looking for and sometimes I just make my own. These places are awesome though:

http://blueoxjerky.com/ (amazing variety. SUPER smokey.)
http://www.bigjohnsbeefjerky.com/ (Really spicy flavors and very chewy.)
http://www.greenlightjerky.com/ (go here for flavored jerky. Really intense flavors. Not that chewy.)
http://www.smokedmeats.com/ (they use mahogany bush for the smoke, its quite interesting. Very tough - a long chew jerky)


----------



## HDANGEL15

BigChaz said:


> Never have more true words been spoken on this forum.
> 
> Here are the sites I order jerky from. I alternate depending on what I am looking for and sometimes I just make my own. These places are awesome though:
> 
> http://blueoxjerky.com/ (amazing variety. SUPER smokey.)
> http://www.bigjohnsbeefjerky.com/ (Really spicy flavors and very chewy.)
> http://www.greenlightjerky.com/ (go here for flavored jerky. Really intense flavors. Not that chewy.)
> http://www.smokedmeats.com/ (they use mahogany bush for the smoke, its quite interesting. Very tough - a long chew jerky)



*thanks i just ordered from blue ox....the game jerky...3 pak*


----------



## ODFFA

Infect Dims --- check! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGb5IweiYG8 >


----------



## biglynch

Sweet jebus is the UK trying to anoy me. I got another 6 day run off work and yep so far all have been rubbished with awful weather. Still Sugru is awesome. I just want to fix stuff for the sake of it. Also debating on weather or not to go to a bbw/bhm club night in london on saturday. The going alone part is fine but it seems with these events they tag on the BHM part as a 1% after thought.


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

ODFFA said:


> Cross-posting from the crushes thread... 'cause that's the way I want it....
> 
> Ive been on Dims exactly one year today! :bounce:
> I believe this permits me to get just a little cumbaya on you all. So, bear with me.....you know, just this once  I thought Id make a little crush list of people that have been on my mind lately, say a little something to them/about them and add a song that makes me think of their amazingness whenever I hear it.
> 
> PS: You guys know how much awesomesaucery goes on here and Im only human, so if youre not on this list, I prrrrobably still think youre fantastic.
> 
> 
> *Hozay:* I want what youre having. Your love of life, music and all things awesome is so freakin contagious. Lucky us. Your compliments are also really amazing and sincere, and have meant a lot to me. Life Is A Highway  Rascal Flatts (Personally, I really love this version)



Thank you so much Odette, this is incredibly nice of you to say. I enjoy all of our saucy conversations and always look forward to hearing from you. You're very sweet


----------



## biglynch

So i will go to this bbw/bhm night in london. http://www.club-indulge.co.uk/ 
Not really sure what to expect tho, anyony tried somthing like this before.


----------



## Sasquatch!

biglynch said:


> So i will go to this bbw/bhm night in london. http://www.club-indulge.co.uk/
> Not really sure what to expect tho, anyony tried somthing like this before.



I've seen this place around on the interwebs. Seems nice enough, but as you said... a lot of these places cater pretty much to larger women only.


----------



## biglynch

Sasquatch! said:


> I've seen this place around on the interwebs. Seems nice enough, but as you said... a lot of these places cater pretty much to larger women only.



Im gonna have a butchers after work tomorrow so I will report my findings. Might be fun either way.


----------



## sarahe543

set up your own event somewhere aimed more at BHM's


----------



## biglynch

just got home and i have to i had a very good time. The host was a lovely woman who seemed to have a real care for the people who went. 10/10 for effort.


----------



## ODFFA

biglynch said:


> just got home and i have to i had a very good time. The host was a lovely woman who seemed to have a real care for the people who went. 10/10 for effort.



You sound like the kindest Come Dine With Me contestant I've ever heard 

Seriously though, I commend you for going and I'm really glad to hear it went so well.


----------



## biglynch

ODFFA said:


> You sound like the kindest Come Dine With Me contestant I've ever heard
> 
> Seriously though, I commend you for going and I'm really glad to hear it went so well.



Haha seems about right for me. It was good stuff tho, it was a shame i had to leave before midnight (that makes it sound like i'm Cinderella) useless trains not runnin late.


----------



## Tad

Is it something you think you'd go to again? Perhaps with your endorsement some of the other London-ish area people from this board would give it a try!


----------



## biglynch

Tad said:


> Is it something you think you'd go to again? Perhaps with your endorsement some of the other London-ish area people from this board would give it a try!



Yes. Im going to go to the next one in July. hopfully they wont get hit with a last minute venue cancellation.I'm not sure what my word is worth but hey yeah the more the merryererrra!


----------



## Amaranthine

I've heard of clubs like that being somewhat popular in Japan, of all places. Though, Japan shouldn't surprise me with anything. 

So what was the crowd like there? Was there a fair amount of both BHM/BBW and smaller admirers? If they existed around here, I'd probably venture out to one at some point...but I wouldn't want to stick out terribly.


----------



## biglynch

Amaranthine said:


> I've heard of clubs like that being somewhat popular in Japan, of all places. Though, Japan shouldn't surprise me with anything.
> 
> So what was the crowd like there? Was there a fair amount of both BHM/BBW and smaller admirers? If they existed around here, I'd probably venture out to one at some point...but I wouldn't want to stick out terribly.



Im with you on the Japan/no surprises thing...apparently Eyeball licking is the craze out there at the moment.

It was a good mix of bbw/bhm so that was nice to see and a scattering of admirers, I spent a fair amount of the night talking to a lady who was a lovely bbw. It was nice that nobody felt they needed to justify their place. I was a bit nervous walking in but that lasted about 2 seconds. Before the club/party they do a meet and greet. I was taken an introduced to everyone. I think the crowd numbers was damaged by the venue change but it would have been very easy to cancel alltogether yet the show went on.


----------



## Amaranthine

Alright, here's my quandary to rant over today...

While I like counterfactual thinking for fun, it's not something I typically worry about. If it's nothing I ever would have thought about before, I don't get frivolous about it. But when I had thought of it? 

For some reason, if something had even crossed my mind before whatever incident occurred, I can't help agonizing over the fact that I probably could have prevented it. Mostly it happens if something breaks. I'll realize it's in a compromised location, but will be in a hurry or something and tell myself it's unlikely that something will happen. Then when it actually gets broken by someone, I'm not even mad that it broke. I'm upset that I could have prevented it happening, seemingly. Is it my fault for not being extra safe, or someone else's for not bothering to be cautious?

Well, now our cat is seemingly quite sick. He has feline leukemia, so his immune system isn't so good. He's been getting sniffly lately, and now I have to wonder if it's because of the fact that we've been taking care of my late uncle's cats. They haven't really had vet visits in a long while, and it seems pretty possible that we could have brought something home just being being in contact with them. So now I'm stuck wondering if we could have prevented Kitter from getting sick by switching clothes/shoes, etc. One of the cats at my uncle's house already died due to something similar. I kept saying he should go to the vet...but other people weren't so urgent about the matter, and when my mom finally DID go to take him to the vet, she found him not quite alive enough to do so (insert heartbreak.) 

And as my secondary rant, why are some people okay with being so goddamn irresponsible? I realize plenty of people have a lot of their plate. But when they don't? It's one of those things I just have no desire to tolerate anymore. Why should someone have to compensate for someone else's total incompetence just to make sure things don't go to shit? 

Alrighty, that's enough ranting/patronizing my thread for now. And here's my set of open ended questions that anyone might feel like entertaining! 


Does anyone else get really hung up over the counterfactual prevention thing?

Is there some way to eliminate the compulsion to agonize over it, besides constantly telling yourself that what's done is done? 

If you had to get your native language magically switched - with no ability to learn any other language - which would you choose, and where would you move (if you do decide to move?) 

If you had to be some other sort of creature - be it an animal or inanimate object - but retain your sentience, what would you choose?!

Why are bullet points used so infrequently on here? This seems great.


----------



## Tad

> And as my secondary rant, why are some people okay with being so goddamn irresponsible? I realize plenty of people have a lot of their plate. But when they don't? It's one of those things I just have no desire to tolerate anymore. Why should someone have to compensate for someone else's total incompetence just to make sure things don't go to shit?



There could be all sorts of reasons (such as just not caring), but I think one that gets brought up too infrequently is fear. On the one hand, fear of being proven inadequate. If you take responsibility and things go to crap, then you failed. If you don't take responsibility and things go to crap, then you are just an irresponsible jerk--but that is a choice, and doesn't speak to your competence. On the other hand, the fear of being proven adequate. If you take responsibility and things work out, then you can make a difference, and the next thing that comes along you may feel more obligated to take responsibility for it, and the one after that, potentially cascading responsibilities that you don't want.

Or my views on the above could simply be coloured by being parent of a teenager.....

On a different topic, how important do you think summer or part time jobs are for kids? If you think they are important, at what age do you think they should really start taking them on? Does it matter what it is, or simply that they take on that responsibility of showing up and doing what is required?

ETA: In quick posts, the button for bullets isn't available!


----------



## Amaranthine

Tad said:


> There could be all sorts of reasons (such as just not caring), but I think one that gets brought up too infrequently is fear. On the one hand, fear of being proven inadequate. If you take responsibility and things go to crap, then you failed. If you don't take responsibility and things go to crap, then you are just an irresponsible jerk--but that is a choice, and doesn't speak to your competence. On the other hand, the fear of being proven adequate. If you take responsibility and things work out, then you can make a difference, and the next thing that comes along you may feel more obligated to take responsibility for it, and the one after that, potentially cascading responsibilities that you don't want.
> 
> Or my views on the above could simply be coloured by being parent of a teenager.....
> 
> On a different topic, how important do you think summer or part time jobs are for kids? If you think they are important, at what age do you think they should really start taking them on? Does it matter what it is, or simply that they take on that responsibility of showing up and doing what is required?
> 
> ETA: In quick posts, the button for bullets isn't available!



Those are really good points - I can definitely see fear being the explanation for a few people I had in mind while writing that. It also reminds me of the most lovely quote that ODFFA linked for me in her crush post (which I shall iterate my appreciation for here! :happy 

It actually reminds me of something I encountered over and over again in moral psychology: The Doctrine of Doing and Allowing, as they call it. The typical example is a trolley case. Say you see an out of control trolley heading for 5 people stuck to the tracks. You have the ability to pull a lever and re-route the trolley to only hit one person. The DDA is a popular reason to NOT pull the lever - as then you're merely *letting* the 5 *die* instead of *killing* the one. Once you involve yourself, the responsibility of that one person's death is supposedly on you? I prefer the utilitarian judgement there myself. 

As for the job thing...I can only offer the - probably uncommon - perspective of someone who's been discouraged from getting summer/part-time jobs. For me personally, I think not having had any has worked rather swimmingly in terms of development. In the summers, not having something to work on ended up giving me a lot more drive to either seek things out, or give my all when I DO have things to do. I feel as if I've had more time to seek out fulfilling personal projects, and I guess it leaves me energized enough to really load things on academically. But I'm rather pre-disposed to want to get into intellectual things in the first place, so there's my biggest bias. I feel it's also made me treasure the money I do get - I'm typically very frugal.

My biggest concern there is with my resume. I intend on applying to PhD programs, so I've been getting a lot of research experience in. But I hope my lack of job experience doesn't end up hurting me there.

I'm also realizing I've just never even used the quick reply :doh:


----------



## tankyguy

Tad said:


> On a different topic, how important do you think summer or part time jobs are for kids? If you think they are important, at what age do you think they should really start taking them on? Does it matter what it is, or simply that they take on that responsibility of showing up and doing what is required?



Some of the most irresponsible teenagers I knew worked summer jobs/part time.

Then they blew all the money they made and learned nothing because it didn't affect them adversely; they were still being taken care of under their parents' roof.

IMO (as a non-parent) I think it would be more beneficial to get them volunteering. Doing work and taking on responsibilities without the expectation of reward.


----------



## agouderia

Amaranthine said:


> Does anyone else get really hung up over the counterfactual prevention thing?
> 
> Is there some way to eliminate the compulsion to agonize over it, besides constantly telling yourself that what's done is done?



I know what you mean, if something happens I had only a very vague gut feeling that something like this might occur, I can agonize over it endlessly - and sometimes it even leaves me unable to decide or act in similiar situations.

Imo it is possibly the (negative) flip side of having a good memory (... which I assume, given your line of academic work, you most likely have) - it lets you revisit situations others simply (and often luckily) forget.




Amaranthine said:


> [*]If you had to get your native language magically switched - with no ability to learn any other language - which would you choose, and where would you move (if you do decide to move?)
> [/LIST]



That is something I cannot imagine - to have only one language at my disposal. Having started to learn my second language before I could really think, for all my literate life having two which I consider my natives, it would seem like such a deprivation to limit myself to one. 
Different languages have such diverging strengths and weaknesses, offer various options of playing with words - or just a spot-on expression for a certain situation, which in it's perfection cannot be translated into another. No longer having that would be awful.

Thank you for introducing me to bullet points! Never knew this site offered the option. But all the settings remain a deep mystery to me - I'm glad I manage to post anything that is readable and doesn't immediately disappear.




Tad said:


> Or my views on the above could simply be coloured by being parent of a teenager.....
> 
> On a different topic, how important do you think summer or part time jobs are for kids? If you think they are important, at what age do you think they should really start taking them on? Does it matter what it is, or simply that they take on that responsibility of showing up and doing what is required?



From personal experience I think summer or part time jobs are an important element in growing up. 
A work environment is different from school, interacting with grown-up co-workers as peers (not parents or teachers), finding out how hard it really is to earn money all are important lessons learned. 

I would discourage it though from the pure money-earning perspective. I had friends at school who waitressed like maniacs or worked insane shifts at the McPlace just to earn as much money as possible - for things like motor-cycle licences, designer jeans or Mallorca vacations (none out of true economic necessity). And that often did limit their academic capacity.

My parents supported me in finding jobs that either had a community component to them (baby-sitting for neighbors, cherry-picking with my class mates) or where I truly learned something on the job and acquired new skills (language tutoring, running an office, basics of insurance law, working with different computer programs all the way to paid academic research assistant at university).

Good luck with convincing son to do something meaningful!


----------



## bigmac

Tad said:


> ...
> 
> On a different topic, how important do you think summer or part time jobs are for kids? If you think they are important, at what age do you think they should really start taking them on? Does it matter what it is, or simply that they take on that responsibility of showing up and doing what is required?
> 
> ...



IMHO summer jobs are very important. I can't believe how many kids here in California have no desire to work. When I was a teen in the late 70s and early 80s in Alberta if you didn't have a summer job you were considered a looser. And the job had to be something other than fast food or retail.

Thanks to a good economy (at least until 1982) and the absence of pesky child labour laws I was able to drive our neighbors 300 horse power tractor when I was 14, operate heavy machinery in a log home factory when I was 15, work in the Swan Hills oil fields when I was 16, and operate a big old Caterpillar 966 loader in a gravel pit when I was 17. And this wasn't the least bit unusual -- many of my friends worked at similar jobs.

I may be a little old school but I think that everyone should do hard dirty work for a while. Unfortunately the attitude of many kids, at least in California, is hell no "we've got Mexicans for that."


----------



## ODFFA

Amaranthine said:


> If you had to get your native language magically switched - with no ability to learn any other language - which would you choose, and where would you move (if you do decide to move?)



I'm 100% with Agouderia on this. I can hardly imagine being deprived of the delight in learning even just a little about the nature of language by virtue of knowing more than one. 

But let's say I had absolutely no choice in the matter..... Portuguese. Why? Because I absolutely *love the sound of it (which I guess would then be diminished by the fact that it would just be my plain ol' native language. Hmph! Can't win.) And I suppose it'd be best if I lived in a Portuguese speaking country then, wouldn't it? I'll go with Portugal then, because it's in Europe and I prefer their dialect over Brazilian Portuguese.



Tad said:


> On a different topic, how important do you think summer or part time jobs are for kids? If you think they are important, at what age do you think they should really start taking them on? Does it matter what it is, or simply that they take on that responsibility of showing up and doing what is required?



I don't have much of an authoritative leg to stand on here since we don't have anything like 'summer jobs' as a norm in SA, but I'll pitch in anyway 

I think it's a very good thing to have as a cultural value, and I have a feeling we're not too far from taking something like that on over here. But.... as is often the case with something that has become an establishment, it's not going to work/be good for every child.

I had much the situation Amaranthine described, and I never even questioned it since I didn't know at the time having a summer job was a 'thing' for some kids in other countries. I would have really struggled if I were forced to have one. 

I probably would have wanted to get a job, I should add, but I think at that stage in my life I wouldn't have dealt with it very well. School took a lot out of me in many different ways - I also naturally put a lot into it too - and I really _needed_ to have those summer breaks to myself to get re-energised. So I'm grateful for never having to deal with that pressure. Long story short - maybe it works for most, but taking it on individual merit might be wise.

Also, Saffrican immigrants are apparently renowned in other countries for being pretty responsible and hard working (there is the odd exception, I suppose) and we didn't need summer jobs to earn ourselves that rep.


----------



## Yakatori

Amaranthine said:


> "_why are some people okay with being so goddamn irresponsible?_"


Because they're stupid. Their minds just aren't sophisticated enough to efficiently manage as many competing demands as yours might, nor do they have the moral inclination to attempt to seriously exercise these capacities. No differently than how the physically weak must be protected by the strong. 



Amaranthine said:


> "_Why should someone have to compensate for someone else's total incompetence just to make sure things don't go to shit?_"


Honestly, you don't have to do much of anything but stay-Black & die. What you do, whatever it is, is just a natural extension of being yourself. Once you realize this, everything will seem much easier.



Amaranthine said:


> "_I like counterfactual thinking for fun...if something had even crossed my mind before whatever incident occurred, I can't help agonizing over the fact that I probably could have prevented it. Mostly it happens if something breaks..Well, now our cat is...and now I have to wonder if it's because of the fact that we've been taking care of my late uncle's cats...*Does anyone else get really hung up over the counterfactual prevention thing?*_"


Yeah, I admit that I'm a little bit the same way. Kind of over-analytical. Sure.



Amaranthine said:


> "_Is there some way to eliminate the compulsion to agonize over it, besides constantly telling yourself that what's done is done?_"


Well, to begin-with, you're either more sane than insane or vice-versa. The more you lean towards the functional side of things, I think, the safer it seems to believe that there's an innate rationality to whatever mental idiosyncrasies might arise. If something keeps popping back into your mind, it would seem that there's something more to digest there. Something to learn? Maybe it's best to not just dismiss that feeling. Maybe it's a reason or catalyst to...reflect more on what you really value. Or how you should best prioritize things. Whatever. Point being that there's a process at work here. So, instead of reflexively trying to short-circuit that instinct, perhaps you can figure out how to make it more powerful or efficient. Quicker at getting to what it all distills down to.

For me, writing things out is what ultimately tends to do the most to help me organize thoughts. And move more quickly towards a resolution or clarity of some sort. 



Amaranthine said:


> "_If you had to get your native language magically switched - with no ability to learn any other language - which would you choose, and where would you move (if you do decide to move?)_"


Sort of unclear, because you're not saying whether or not we'd retain any secondary language skills. Maybe this helps: If I could only speak & understand one language fluently (or as well as I use English right now,) and it had to be something other than English, I would probably choose French. And France, of course, would then be the ideal place to live. Second choice would be....Spanish. And in that case I'd probably do some moving around. 



Amaranthine said:


> "_If you had to be some other sort of creature - be it an animal or inanimate object - but retain your sentience, what would you choose?!_"


Part Klingon, Part Trill?



Amaranthine said:


> "_Why are bullet points used so infrequently on here? This seems great._"


Oh, I agree. As you can see, they help me to keep things more concise.



Tad said:


> "_how important do you think summer or part time jobs are for kids? If you think they are important, at what age do you think they should really start taking them on? Does it matter what it is, or simply that they take on that responsibility of showing up and doing what is required?_"


I think it's important for kids of every age to have access to & engage-with a diverse variety of different types of learning experiences, especially in terms of how they're structured. Or how much so. That challenge them-personally, but in ways that are ultimately constructive, & build confidence. 

So, a traditional part-time or summer job would seem like a very practical approach for most as soon as they reach legal working age. But there are other types of opportunities out there, that are just as enriching, albeit in somewhat different ways. Really, the important thing, I think, is to try to get them to begin to try to think in terms of their own personal development and investing their own personal time into it, as something that they will have to pay-forward in order to learn and/or in order to earn the opportunity to get to do whatever it is they ultimately want to. 

Even more so if money is no object or only of secondary concern. But, then again, just having to earn some money to get the things you need to then pursue your own personal ambitions is also a kind of learning-experience as well. Further emphasized when you're doing the menial types of jobs or heavy physical labor that often seem so far removed from whatever ends towards which it's all directed. 



*Now, with all-that out of the way:*

It looks like there are quite a few *Damien Jurado *fans out there. So, maybe this is as good a place as any to ask if anyone has been to what's called a "*Living Room Show*?"

I ask because there is a certain artist (that I want to see perform live) who is doing a bunch of these in the coming months. When I clicked on the link to purchase tickets, there was this pdf that you can open which basically explains that youre supposed to give them your email address and that they, in turn, will email you with the precise address & parking info, etc And that youre not supposed to reveal any of this to anyone who hasnt also purchased a ticket?! Anyway, I mention Jurado specifically because the management company through which all of these shows are organized for the artist I want to see does the same for him. Or, at least, (I think) he seems like the most widely recognizable artist on there.

Im really not sure of what to expect. I dont even know if this article is really talking about the same thing. Main issues: Seating Is this, like, supposed to be general admission? Do folks just sit wherever they want? Is it actually in some persons own personal living room? What about drinks & snacks? Can I bring my own? What about beer? Or using the restroom?
Will there be, like, mainly all people who know each other? I mean, is it a kind of a scene? With a bunch of local hipsters & scene-kids running things like its some sort of "open-mike?"

I guess I will be alright as long as I dont have to sit on the floor or any kind of chair thats too small or fragile. Insights? Anyone?


----------



## Amaranthine

Yakatori said:


> For me, writing things out is what ultimately tends to do the most to help me organize thoughts. And move more quickly towards a resolution or clarity of some sort.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Now, with all-that out of the way:*
> 
> It looks like there are quite a few *Damien Jurado *fans out there. So, maybe this is as good a place as any to ask if anyone has been to what's called a "*Living Room Show*?"
> 
> I ask because there is a certain artist (that I want to see perform live) who is doing a bunch of these in the coming months. When I clicked on the link to purchase tickets, there was this pdf that you can open which basically explains that youre supposed to give them your email address and that they, in turn, will email you with the precise address & parking info, etc And that youre not supposed to reveal any of this to anyone who hasnt also purchased a ticket?! Anyway, I mention Jurado specifically because the management company through which all of these shows are organized for the artist I want to see does the same for him. Or, at least, (I think) he seems like the most widely recognizable artist on there.
> 
> Im really not sure of what to expect. I dont even know if this article is really talking about the same thing. Main issues: Seating Is this, like, supposed to be general admission? Do folks just sit wherever they want? Is it actually in some persons own personal living room? What about drinks & snacks? Can I bring my own? What about beer? Or using the restroom?
> Will there be, like, mainly all people who know each other? I mean, is it a kind of a scene? With a bunch of local hipsters & scene-kids running things like its some sort of "open-mike?"
> 
> I guess I will be alright as long as I dont have to sit on the floor or any kind of chair thats too small or fragile. Insights? Anyone?



First off, I appreciate all the input  I largely agree with everything. And the writing out bit as well. That was my main reason for subjecting everyone to that entire thing.

As for your own question...

I've never actually been to a house/living room/basement show where tickets were sold. And all the shows I've been have been of the punk/metal/even some indie variety. Definitely an underground music scene kinda thing, where it's only advertised on FB/forums. So I'm going to assume what you're thinking of is way more tame/structured. 

Even still...it's most probably quite literally someone's home. I'd be *very* surprised if seating was available. If the crowd is small enough, I'm sure people could just settle in on the floor. It's possible a couch might be available, but I've typically seen standing-only deals. 

I'd also be surprised if food were available. The thing about house shows seems to be that they don't have the regulations that a more proper venue does - which enables BYOB...well, bring your own _anything_, really. But again, considering this is a more official sounding thing, I'd be surprised if smoking indoors were allowed. A restroom has always been available at shows I've been too. And yeah, most shows I've gone to are populated with a very niche group made up of many people who know each other. 

Again...I really don't know what something like that would be compared to an underground scene show, but that's the general insight I can provide.


----------



## freakyfred

Stupid worry here. I don't like messaging people on dating sites cause I'm afraid I will come off as some sort of creeper. A lot of my friends on tumblr post the gross messages they get in their inboxes (and they are goddamn creepy) and I know I'm not that bad. But I still worry I could come off as a creep for whatever reason.


----------



## Zowie

freakyfred said:


> Stupid worry here. I don't like messaging people on dating sites cause I'm afraid I will come off as some sort of creeper. A lot of my friends on tumblr post the gross messages they get in their inboxes (and they are goddamn creepy) and I know I'm not that bad. But I still worry I could come off as a creep for whatever reason.



Even if the message is unintentionally creepy/awkward, if you have a decent profile that can be summed up into more than "I want to whet my dick", chances are most women will reply to someone who comes off as a well rounded individual. 

My favourite message of all time was "I really like that red lipstick you wear in all your pictures. It would leave a truly remarkable stain on my cock."


----------



## BigChaz

Zowie said:


> My favourite message of all time was "I really like that red lipstick you wear in all your pictures. It would leave a truly remarkable stain on my cock."



My mom told me this is how I am supposed to start 90% of my conversations. Are you saying my mom is wrong?


----------



## freakyfred

Zowie said:


> My favourite message of all time was "I really like that red lipstick you wear in all your pictures. It would leave a truly remarkable stain on my cock."



oh no

oh noooo


----------



## fritzi

Zowie said:


> My favourite message of all time was "I really like that red lipstick you wear in all your pictures. It would leave a truly remarkable stain on my cock."



 Did you write back and give him the brand name and order number of the lipstick so he could take care of fabricating that remarkable stain ???


----------



## tankyguy

Zowie said:


> Even if the message is unintentionally creepy/awkward, if you have a decent profile that can be summed up into more than "I want to whet my dick", chances are most women will reply to someone who comes off as a well rounded individual.



I'm not sure about that. There's been some (questionable) studies that indicated women become hyper selective on dating sites. One of the larger sites, OK Cupid I believe, said something to the effect that women, regardless of their own perceived level of attractiveness, regarded 80% of the men on the site as not attractive enough to respond to. Statistics showed something like 90% of the women were vying for the top 20% in the pool of guys. Meanwhile, guys had a much wider spread of who they were pursuing.

There was another British experiment I remember that had women look at dating profiles of men and then later mingle with them in a bar-like scenario. The women quickly shot down the majority of the guys' profiles, yet showed interest when they met face to face.

Granted, "studies" and "experiments" like this are being done and touted online all the time. How scientifically sound they are is up for debate.


----------



## Amaranthine

tankyguy said:


> I'm not sure about that. There's been some (questionable) studies that indicated women become hyper selective on dating sites. One of the larger sites, OK Cupid I believe, said something to the effect that women, regardless of their own perceived level of attractiveness, regarded 80% of the men on the site as not attractive enough to respond to. Statistics showed something like 90% of the women were vying for the top 20% in the pool of guys. Meanwhile, guys had a much wider spread of who they were pursuing.
> 
> There was another British experiment I remember that had women look at dating profiles of men and then later mingle with them in a bar-like scenario. The women quickly shot down the majority of the guys' profiles, yet showed interest when they met face to face.
> 
> Granted, "studies" and "experiments" like this are being done and touted online all the time. How scientifically sound they are is up for debate.



I've had plenty of OkC experiences, and honestly...a lot of the men that seem to message me aren't bad at all from a ...traditional standpoint? Definitely not my type, but still. I doubt the studies done were really that rigorous - but those results wouldn't surprise me at the same time. I think a distinction should be drawn between the girls who NEED OkC to find someone, and those who just find it entertaining to see if anyone's worthwhile. 

A bigger issue I've encountered is that men will put NO effort into messages. Most merely say "Hi how r u" or something along those lines. A well-thought out, personalized message is MUCH more likely to stand out. And their profiles are pretty terrible as well. Most of them are generic and uninteresting. 

That being said...I'm not sure how other women interpret creepy, but I don't see why an intelligently written, friendly message would be taken to badly. A big mistake is not asking questions. Give the conversation somewhere to start.


----------



## BearHug2013

Amaranthine said:


> I've had plenty of OkC experiences, and honestly...a lot of the men that seem to message me aren't bad at all from a ...traditional standpoint? Definitely not my type, but still. I doubt the studies done were really that rigorous - but those results wouldn't surprise me at the same time. I think a distinction should be drawn between the girls who NEED OkC to find someone, and those who just find it entertaining to see if anyone's worthwhile.
> 
> A bigger issue I've encountered is that men will put NO effort into messages. Most merely say "Hi how r u" or something along those lines. A well-thought out, personalized message is MUCH more likely to stand out. And their profiles are pretty terrible as well. Most of them are generic and uninteresting.
> 
> That being said...I'm not sure how other women interpret creepy, but I don't see why an intelligently written, friendly message would be taken to badly. A big mistake is not asking questions. Give the conversation somewhere to start.



I'd say this has more to with the people than there gender. Any dating site ive gone to, a lot of the women are bland or generic. They ALL usually"I'm different, I get dirty, I off road and hunt" ummm when every profile says that, I tend to doubt it's authenticity.


----------



## LeoGibson

Zowie said:


> Even if the message is unintentionally creepy/awkward, if you have a decent profile that can be summed up into more than "I want to whet my dick", chances are most women will reply to someone who comes off as a well rounded individual.
> 
> My favourite message of all time was "I really like that red lipstick you wear in all your pictures. It would leave a truly remarkable stain on my cock."



Jeez! How many times do I have to apologize? :happy:


----------



## tankyguy

BearHug2013 said:


> I'd say this has more to with the people than there gender. Any dating site ive gone to, a lot of the women are bland or generic.



I do notice that a lot of women seem to not feel the need to open up and really put themselves out there. I look at personality and interests _first_, and I kind of frown when I see "down to earth, easy going and fun" and only a few 'safe' interests like movies and dining out.

Wow, how very descriptive, unique and interesting. /deadpan

It's worse when you look at her pictures and she's doing something like a cosplay or holding a musical instrument, I'm like: "Why didn't she put that down? Now she's 10 times more interesting!"
:doh:




> They ALL usually"I'm different, I get dirty, I off road and hunt" ummm when every profile says that, I tend to doubt it's authenticity.



Maybe they think every guy is into those things? What it tells me is that's the kind of guy she's looking to appeal to so I can feel free to pass.


----------



## shandyman

Sorry to bore all of you good people.... I need a little rant

I consider myself to be a reasonably bright and intelligent person, I can read a document or set of instructions and usually fully understand what is going on, I can usually translate bureaucratic jargon in to plain and simple English, however I feel I have been finally defeated. It seems the process of formally handing in and graduating is significantly harder than the PhD itself. Maybe it is a final test? Maybe it is all a big joke? Maybe it is all a dream?

When I finished the writing stage and passed my thesis defence I thought my troubles were over... little did I know they had only just begun. I had 6 weeks to undertake minor corrections to my thesis, these were then to be handed back in so an examiner could check they had been done. No problem I thought, the University had other ideas. I emailed a PDF of my thesis to the examiner two weeks before the 6 week deadline, this was a favour to him as he wanted it a bit early and does not like dealing with hard copies. However to fulfil university regulations a hard copy was submitted to the library. At this point everything went weird. Despite the thesis being submitted two weeks early they claimed it was late and not allow me to submit it, after a few angry phone calls they allowed me to submit it. However I kept on getting follow up calls and email saying my thesis had not been submitted and I would have to formally re submit my thesis and hold another thesis defence. No amount of reasoning and production of submission receipts would quell the tide of bullshit coming from the registry. Finally they accepted it had been submitted....on the day of the submission deadline.

All pieces of academic work in the UK now have to undergo software plagiarism checks, when I submitted my thesis this was done and I had less than 2% plagiarism, the small amount it had pick up was from my own paper, all well and good. The Library submitted my thesis to more plagiarism checks, this time the result was >95% plagiarism !!!!!!!!! Guess what it had picked up my own thesis from the first time it had been checked. Any reasonable person who have actually looked at the source and date of the plagiarism to try and understand what had happen, I was not dealing with reasonable people. They launched a formal plagiarism investigation to which I was advised to seek legal counsel. What complicated matters further was that the plagiarism officer for our college was my supervisor, which then led him to be under investigation. It took a letter from a lawyer to actually get them to look at the reasoning behind the plagiarism.

Good news... my examiner signed off my corrections, full steam ahead to graduation... errr no. My thesis has to be formally bound by the university. I take the two required copies to them ,all is good. A PDF is submitted to the library for their e-thesis repository, all is good.... No apparently the PDF version of my thesis has more page than the hard copy. WTF??? I am then being told I cannot graduate. At this point I am getting fairly angry with all the messing about. I storm in to the library with a hard copy of my thesis, demand to see the person in charge of dealing with all of this. It turns out they have just looked at the total amount of pages in the PDF and compared that to the total number of numbered pages in my thesis. Several pages in the front of the thesis are not formally numbered, as they are pages such as title pages, table of content ect....

I am due to graduate on Thursday, what else can go wrong?


----------



## Tad

Ouch, Shandy! Do please post a pic of you with diploma in hand!

Assuming, of course, that they don't demand a last minute DNA test and decide that you are actually a clone of yourself....


----------



## Yakatori

@Hozay: Are you avoiding my *Damien Jurado* question because you're guarding the scene from the likes of me? Or is it more that I'm the one you're protecting?

@Everyone else: What....in your opinion or sense of it....is television's most realistic depiction of life in whatever country you're from or at least whatever part of it you live-in?

For Americans, I think _Roseanne_ kind of stood-out, for sometime, as just an intentionally very honest depiction of a very real-seeming American family. But, you know, then it completely jumped the shark. I mean, it' not quite familiar for someone like me, but I can certainly see the realism in it.

As I can with another show, a favorite of a buddy of mind who grew up around the El Paso area, _King of the Hill_. He would always go on about how it reminded him so much of his home there.

_Freaks & Geeks_ also vaguely reminds me of some of my friends & their families from growing up. But it's sort of dated, & a bit before my time.

From time to time, I will look at some....British television. And wonder if any of it seems realistic-enough for any of our UK-based Dimmers. Shows like _East-Enders_ or _BallyKissAngel_...Is that weird? To imagine some of you talking & acting like that? What about Aussies, do they have shows like these, from an Aussie point of view? If you can't come up with a TV-show, then-maybe suggest a movie. I dunno. I'm curious to know what any of you might think.


----------



## tankyguy

Yakatori said:


> What....in your opinion or sense of it....is television's most realistic depiction of life in whatever country you're from or at least whatever part of it you live-in?



Trailer Park Boys is uncomfortably close to reality. Strip out the wacky and unrealistic plots and it's pretty much life in the poorer areas of Dartmouth, only _slightly_ exaggerated. Even gags that viewers would assume are completely made up, like 'bottle kids', are not.


----------



## Mckee

Italian television series are often far from reality. Too shiny, too politically correct...

But there are a few exceptions. 

"Boris", for example, it's a sitcom showing the life on an fictional italian soap opera set, though the eyes of a newly arrived director apprentice. Sarcastic, funny, politically incorrect...and according to the ones who really work in that world...is really realistic!

Another good example is "Romanzo criminale" (Crime Story), set in the '80, following the rise of a criminal gang in Rome. Based on a true story...it's violent and tough...and for the ones who lived in Rome in that time period it's brutally honest


----------



## MrSensible

tankyguy said:


> Trailer Park Boys is uncomfortably close to reality. Strip out the wacky and unrealistic plots and it's pretty much life in the poorer areas of Dartmouth, only _slightly_ exaggerated. Even gags that viewers would assume are completely made up, like 'bottle kids', are not.



My friend and I just finished watching the series (well, as many of the episodes as we could find, which was up to around season 7), and if trailer parks in Canada are actually similar to Sunnyvale in reality (minus the blatant absurdity), I don't think I'd mind living there, heh. I mean, who doesn't want a friend like bubbles? 

It certainly beats the trailer parks here in the southern US. I haven't lived in one personally, but I've had close friends that did, and... suffice it to say that "Sunnyvale" seems like a relatively classy place to live, by comparison.

I wouldn't be too fond of the "bottle kids" schtick though...

Edit: As for Yakatori's question... I'd say "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" is a fairly accurate representation of certain parts of the deep south. I wish I were joking about that.


----------



## ODFFA

Now MrSensible mentions it, I've so often looked at many TV depictions I've seen of certain people in the deep south and gone.... "That's the white South African mentality right there for ya!" 

The most prominent that comes to mind is the movie The Help, but there's also the series GCB and some documentaries I've seen. We have a lot of.... interesting attitudes and cultural characteristics in common.


----------



## LeoGibson

Yakatori said:


> @Everyone else: What....in your opinion or sense of it....is television's most realistic depiction of life in whatever country you're from or at least whatever part of it you live-in?......
> 
> As I can with another show, a favorite of a buddy of mind who grew up around the El Paso area, _King of the Hill_. He would always go on about how it reminded him so much of his home there.



King Of The Hill nails small town Texas pretty much exactly. I personally know someone like each of the characters on that show (including some that talk like Boomhauer) and the general attitudes of the characters jibe with the attitudes around here in the smaller towns of Texas.


----------



## MrSensible

LeoGibson said:


> King Of The Hill nails small town Texas pretty much exactly. I personally know someone like each of the characters on that show (including some that talk like Boomhauer) and the general attitudes of the characters jibe with the attitudes around here in the smaller towns of Texas.



Yes, I've met a few "Boomhauers" in my day, so I can relate. I've never met anyone quite as eh... eccentric as Dale, but I don't think I'd be opposed to it .


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Yakatori said:


> *Now, with all-that out of the way:*
> 
> It looks like there are quite a few *Damien Jurado *fans out there. So, maybe this is as good a place as any to ask if anyone has been to what's called a "*Living Room Show*?"
> 
> I ask because there is a certain artist (that I want to see perform live) who is doing a bunch of these in the coming months. When I clicked on the link to purchase tickets, there was this pdf that you can open which basically explains that youre supposed to give them your email address and that they, in turn, will email you with the precise address & parking info, etc And that youre not supposed to reveal any of this to anyone who hasnt also purchased a ticket?! Anyway, I mention Jurado specifically because the management company through which all of these shows are organized for the artist I want to see does the same for him. Or, at least, (I think) he seems like the most widely recognizable artist on there.
> 
> Im really not sure of what to expect. I dont even know if this article is really talking about the same thing. Main issues: Seating Is this, like, supposed to be general admission? Do folks just sit wherever they want? Is it actually in some persons own personal living room? What about drinks & snacks? Can I bring my own? What about beer? Or using the restroom?
> Will there be, like, mainly all people who know each other? I mean, is it a kind of a scene? With a bunch of local hipsters & scene-kids running things like its some sort of "open-mike?"
> 
> I guess I will be alright as long as I dont have to sit on the floor or any kind of chair thats too small or fragile. Insights? Anyone?



I didn't see your question until right now 

If you have the chance to see a living room show with an artist you enjoy or want to see. PLEASE go do it. Living room shows are really intimate, it's almost like getting a private show. I can't remember the name of the company but there's one in particular that puts on living room shows all the time and the "protocol" is just what you explained. You can sign up to host these shows as well, they as that you can comfortably allow for 40-60 people I believe. The reason they don't want you leaking all that information is because people will just show up at someone's house. 

I'm not entirely sure about the BYOB policy, but you can usually email the homeowner and they'll let you know what's up. It occasionally is a lot of the homeowner's friends as they're the ones that spread the world as well, but there's also people that get admission from the website ticket sales. Again, pretty intimate, so it's usually a small group of people. I'm actually watching Damien Jurado tomorrow 

John Vanderslice just did a run of Living room shows up here as well. 

If it hasn't passed by, I'd definitely check it out, it's such a cool setting.


----------



## The Dark Lady

Every so often, I find myself wandering back to one of my favorite pieces of writing in the world, a poem by Denise Levertov. 



Denise Levertov said:


> In Mind
> 
> There's in my mind a woman
> of innocence, unadorned but
> 
> fair-featured and smelling of
> apples or grass. She wears
> 
> a utopian smock or shift, her hair
> is light brown and smooth, and she
> 
> is kind and very clean without
> ostentation-
> 
> but she has
> no imagination
> 
> And there's a
> turbulent moon-ridden girl
> 
> or old woman, or both,
> dressed in opals and rags, feathers
> 
> and torn taffeta,
> who knows strange songs
> 
> but she is not kind.



No other poem has ever struck me like that one, just because it 100% elucidates a conflict, or maybe a chasm of difference, that I've been struggling against ever since my first memories. I was always very aware that almost everyone around me wanted me to be the first girl, while everything in me that I valued most told me that life was only worth living if I could be the second girl. 

And to this day, I still can't understand why anyone would prefer the one with no imagination, much less want to be her.


----------



## Yakatori

that it would require an imagination of one's own in order to see the absence of it in another.


----------



## Amaranthine

The Dark Lady said:


> And to this day, I still can't understand why anyone would prefer the one with no imagination, much less want to be her.



I'm not sure why this poem is so compelling to read, but it is. 

It actually reminded me of the Big Five personality test. Specifically the trait of openness to experience, which I would guess you'd score extremely high in. I suppose some people just prefer what's safe and familiar to them, with no desire to explore further...though that's a strange thought to anyone of a different mindset. 

(It's also probably worth noting that openness is the trait most highly correlated with intelligence - and indeed, a lot of intelligent people are curious/imaginative, potentially degenerate weirdos.)


----------



## Cobra Verde

As someone who is neither I'd rather be kind than imaginative.


----------



## tankyguy

The poem made me immediately think of the Maiden, the Mother and the Crone; the three archetypes of femininity.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triple_Goddess_(Neopaganism)#Jungian_psychology

According to what I've read, since every woman is all three, you don't have to be conflicted.


----------



## Tad

The Dark Lady said:


> Every so often, I find myself wandering back to one of my favorite pieces of writing in the world, a poem by Denise Levertov.
> 
> 
> 
> No other poem has ever struck me like that one, just because it 100% elucidates a conflict, or maybe a chasm of difference, that I've been struggling against ever since my first memories. I was always very aware that almost everyone around me wanted me to be the first girl, while everything in me that I valued most told me that life was only worth living if I could be the second girl.
> 
> And to this day, I still can't understand why anyone would prefer the one with no imagination, much less want to be her.





Amaranthine said:


> I'm not sure why this poem is so compelling to read, but it is.
> 
> It actually reminded me of the Big Five personality test. Specifically the trait of openness to experience, which I would guess you'd score extremely high in. I suppose some people just prefer what's safe and familiar to them, with no desire to explore further...though that's a strange thought to anyone of a different mindset.
> 
> (It's also probably worth noting that openness is the trait most highly correlated with intelligence - and indeed, a lot of intelligent people are curious/imaginative, potentially degenerate weirdos.)



I have never seen a conflict between being oneself, complete with imagination and foibles, and being able to interface with society at large, so I dont much care for the dichotomy in that poem, for all that it does really highlight the issue.

On the other hand Im not sure I can think of phrase that I consider any more insidiously toxic than any variation of to be a good girl. One of the first arguments I had with my girlfriend (now wife) was when she was visiting (we were LDR at the time), I had to work, and Id come home and shed done something domestic and she said shed been a good girl. I went all Dont ever do anything because it would be being a good girl, I dont want you ever doing anything because it is a good girl thing to do, if you dont feel that it is what you should do, dont. Which, when she was expecting affirmation and praise, didnt really go over so well. 

Eventually we both calmed down and I was better able to explain that Id always, forever, rather come home to no food, no clean laundry, not a lick done domestically, if she was happy because shed read a great book, or drawn something, or whatever. (no, it never totally tookreferring to the OCEAN big five traits, she has too high levels of conscientiousness and neuroticism to ever be comfortable being truly self-indulgent, sadly, but that is just the way she is and Ive had to accept it)


----------



## tankyguy

Yeah, that's a tricky line to walk. Some people choose to please others because that pleases them, and that's just as pleasing to them as shameless self indulgence is to another.

I'd like to think that most people, when they pass a certain level of emotional maturity, realize what makes them happy and how to balance that against their desire to make others happy (or not).

If a woman truly likes "being all domestic", that's her choice, all you have to do is respect it.

Also, bro-jectively speaking, if hot meal + clean floor = happy wife, dude don't knock a good thing.


----------



## Amaranthine

Tad said:


> Eventually we both calmed down and I was better able to explain that Id always, forever, rather come home to no food, no clean laundry, not a lick done domestically, if she was happy because shed read a great book, or drawn something, or whatever. (no, it never totally tookreferring to the OCEAN big five traits, she has too high levels of conscientiousness and neuroticism to ever be comfortable being truly self-indulgent, sadly, but that is just the way she is and Ive had to accept it)



A friend of mine is dating a guy who's the exact opposite. The first time I hung out at her house, he came home and almost instantly started criticizing her for not cleaning. 

That'd drive me absolutely insane. I'm actually totally happy to do a bunch for someone - cooking, little surprises, generally trying to make them happy. Unless they turn it into an obligation. I just start to resent that. 



tankyguy said:


> Yeah, that's a tricky line to walk. Some people choose to please others because that pleases them, and that's just as pleasing to them as shameless self indulgence is to another.



That's quite true - making someone else happy is definitely a legitimate source of personal pleasure for many. But I think some people have to realize that to better help other people, they have to help themselves first. You can do all you want for people, but if you're not happy besides that, then something's going to suffer. 

Since Tad brought up the OCEAN traits again, here's a test for anyone who might like to play too: http://similarminds.com/bigfive.html

Extroversion / 26%
Orderliness/Conscientiousness / 44%
Emotional Stability (Opposite of Neuroticism) / 84%
Accommodation/Agreeableness / 50%
Inquisitiveness/Openness / 86% 

My one qualm with this test it that it sort of blends organization and reliability together. I'm entirely messy/disorganized...but I'm always punctual and dependable. Though, for favored careers, it gave me gems like philosopher, scientist, and assassin so I can't really complain. And least favored career was child care worker. Spot on, random test.


----------



## Tad

Oh, I love personality tests! 


Extroversion 30%
Orderliness 52%
Emotional Stability	72%
Accommodation 50%
Inquisitiveness 86%

ETA: in my excitement about that, I forgot to mention....it isn't like my wife particularly domestic, more that she can't help but figure out how to get everything done and then execute on it.....she'd make a good military officer or production manager at a factory or something like that. Once we'd sorted out what the motivations were, all was good.


----------



## tankyguy

Extroversion 32%
Orderliness 46%
Emotional Stability	44%
Accommodation 42%
Inquisitiveness 64%

Primary type: Reserved

I disagree with a few traits in the description.

"not self expressive"
People know exactly what I'm feeling, when I let them. However, I admit while I express myself through art, I don't always let everyone see it. Maybe some people think that's the same thing as not being self expressive, but I make a distinction.

"tattoo averse"
On myself? Ambivalent.
On others? Fascinating!


But much of the rest...

"outsider, does not fit in most places, spends more time in solitary activity than group activity, loner, more likely to be nerdy, prefers loose fitting clothing, desires security and support, does not like accepting help, likes science fiction, not traditional"

...rings very true. And yet despite being a loner and shunning crowds, I get lonely and long for companionship. It'd be a fascinating dichotomy if I wasn't living it. 


Favored careers:

game designer, computer animator, video game designer, software developer, illustrator, cartoonist (someone's been stalking me)

Also: philosopher and assassin
Amaranthine, care to team up?


----------



## Sasquatch!

*Extroversion 54%
Orderliness	60%
Emotional Stability 48%
Accommodation	60%
Inquisitiveness 66%*

So apparently my favoured careers are fucktons of teaching/caring options, events co-ordinator, administrator, PR, writer, editor, politics or psychology.
Apparently I would make a shit assassin. Pffft. I'd be the perfect assassin.

Edit: Apparently the second link from the same results tells me I'd be shit at organising or caring for people/appearances and to be a scientist so.......... Yeah this thing's wash.


----------



## MrSensible

Extroversion 40%
Orderliness 44%
Emotional Stability 42%
Accommodation 60%
Inquisitiveness 60%

I'm apparently a RLUAI type. I've gotta say, as harsh as the description may have been, it had me pegged on quite a few accounts. I love the "not good at sports" part, haha. I'm not sure how it came to such a specific conclusion, but it certainly wasn't wrong. It was also spot on with the favored/disfavored careers portion.

Overall, it was actually somewhat depressing in that "tough love" kind of way. Much of it rang true, and it's not always easy to accept certain, foundational truths about yourself. Although, I do think they could have got the point across without being so overtly negative about it... fuck .

By the way, anyone else notice how some of the "types" don't have any careers listed? What's up with that?


----------



## biglynch

Extroversion 80% 
Orderliness 46% 
Emotional Stability 64% 
Accommodation 50% 
Inquisitiveness 50% 

well its not saying i'm a dick so thats good i think.


----------



## Esther

MrSensible said:


> By the way, anyone else notice how some of the "types" don't have any careers listed? What's up with that?



Whatever I got made me sound like a complete dummy and also didn't list any careers. Maybe Mr. Smartypants Test thinks we are unfit for work.


----------



## Cobra Verde

For Emotional Stability I scored a "LOL". That's good, right?


----------



## tankyguy

Cobra Verde said:


> For Emotional Stability I scored a "LOL". That's good, right?



That depends. How did it make you feel?


----------



## Mordecai

Extroversion 46%
Orderliness 32%
Emotional Stability 40%
Accommodation 44%
Inquisitiveness 66%

To be honest, I just put most things in the center with a few outliers. The 1-5 scale was difficult for me to gauge.


----------



## lovelocs

I took a bootleg test, here are my results:

Extraversion ||||||||||||||| 77% (83 percentile)
Conscientiousness|||||||| 40% (14 percentile)
Neuroticism |||||||| 42% (37 percentile)
Agreeableness ||||||||||||||| 75% (51 percentile)
Openness ||||||||||||||||| 87% (71 percentile)


Calculated by http://personality-testing.info/tests/BIG5.php


Also @The Dark Lady: it's interesting... If I had to ascribe kindness to one of the two women described in the poem, it would have been the second, and not the first woman. I guess because I've known enough neat, smooth, simple people who were fundamentally hard as stone...


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

I made the mistake of sitting next to someone's "girl" on the bus today. Confusion ensued. it was pretty full and I usually stand up but I saw an empty seat next to a woman, a seat that face the inside of the bus facing other people instead of a seat that faces forward, I take it. About one stop in the guy in front of her says "I don't know what the fuck is going on, but wait until we get downtown. I'm gonna get both you together and find out what the fuck is going on!" To which the girl says "What are you talking about?" 

The man continues his little show about how he's gonna get both of us together and figure this shit out. He's make "him" tell the truth. They go back and forth a bit and I'm thinking "if he's got an issue with me sitting next to her...why didn't he say something to me?" 

They keep going and she said "He looked at me, and he sat down!" I started getting a little worried because they were getting heated enough to make a scene. So he looks down the aisle to the back of the bus and says "yeah, I'm talking about you muthafucka," to some other guy. 

Oh look, it's my stop! Off I go!


----------



## Tad

That sounds like a good test for your deodorant/antiperspirant, Hozay!

=======================================

There are certain good things about having a teenager who isn't out roaming the town at all hours, etc. On the other hand, now that ours isn't sleeping much more than we are....he _really_ needs to start getting out of the house more often. And I'm not just talking for parental intimacy time, but just generally having time to ourselves. I feel like when we were young and to have couple time we had to go for a walk.

ETA: to be clear, he's a good kid, and for the most part I enjoy his company. Just....not quite so much of it.


----------



## Fuzzy

Extroversion 30%
Orderliness	26%
Emotional Stability 36%
Accommodation 78%
Inquisitiveness 50%

I've always said a messy room/desk is the sign of a clean mind. 

My type is RLUAN.


----------



## hedonistthinker

Extroversion 48%
Orderliness 52%
Emotional Stability 64%
Accommodation 34%
Inquisitiveness 86%

i must be a mad scientist


----------



## kilo riley

Extroversion |||||||||||| 44%
Orderliness |||||||||||||| 60%
Emotional Stability |||||||||||| 50%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 64%
Inquisitiveness |||||||||||||| 58%


----------



## analikesyourface

reuben6380 said:


> So here is a question for the ladies, what looks better- pants over or under the belly?
> 
> I personally get yelled at when i go belly over because,as my wife puts it, I have belly cleavage. She feels it makes me look unkempt, like i dont know how to buy cloths that fit me. Which honestly is ironic because she buys me cloths that she like me in :doh:



See, I think it looks better if a guy gets a shirt that is long enough to tuck in, and just wears a second shirt on top, so he can go belly over. Belly under looks terrible.


----------



## Tad

Why the heck are energy levels so variable? I mean, there are days I feel like I'd happily go for a two hour bike ride, but this evening I feel like I want to get into a classically huge-but-cushy American car, go pick up supper at a drive through, then spend the evening on the couch in front of the TV. (When in fact I've committed myself to biking to my parents for dinner then biking home, and making polite conversation while there).


----------



## Cobra Verde

Why in the fuck do some of you people feel the need to continuously respond to You-Know-Who's posts in Hyde Park? It makes most of the threads unreadable since he ends up posting the same garbage dozens of times because people can't stop engaging him. Look, I was one of the jerks in grade school who picked on the retarded kid so I can understand to an extent that it can be fun to mess with someone who can't mentally compete but then I was 9 - you all have no such excuse. 
I mean, shit, there's low-hanging fruit and then there's a worm-eaten crab apple laying on the ground that's been stepped on repeatedly...


----------



## djudex

Voldemort is in Hyde Park?


----------



## Cobra Verde

In a manner of speaking...


----------



## reuben6380

Extroversion	||||||||||||||	58%
Orderliness	||||||||||||||	52%
Emotional Stability	||||||||||||||||||	74%
Accommodation	||||||||||||	50%
Inquisitiveness	||||||||||||	50%


Type: calm


So I'm a scoen, thats funny I have never even been to england. Psychobabble i say!


----------



## Yakatori

Guys,

What do you call-it when you make a YouTube video out of a popular or catchy-song which was originally recorded in a foreign language (typically-Japanese; but, I think, there are also some Hindi/Bollywood versions of this as well)? Except, necessarily added to this are English-language subtitles which (paradoxically) don't (at all) translate the literal meaning of the lyrics but instead just humorously mimic their original foreign language pronunciation? And, of course, this is all synchronized with visuals to help accentuate the play on words...


----------



## CleverBomb

The word you're looking for is "Soramimi".


> Soramimi (&#31354;&#32819;?, "mishearing; (feigned) deafness") or Soramimi kashi (&#31354;&#32819;&#27468;&#35422;?, misheard lyrics); is a Japanese term for homophonic translation of song lyrics, that is, interpreting lyrics in one language as similar-sounding lyrics in another language. A bilingual soramimi word play contrasts with a monolingual mondegreen or homophonic transformation.
> 
> An example would be the Moldovan band O-Zone's song "Dragostea din tei" (&#12510;&#12452;&#12516;&#12498;&#12540; maiyah&#299;, named from the words in the opening of the song), known on the web as the Numa Numa song.



Wait. You were talking about videos based on this sort of thing; that's "Animutation".


> Animutation or fanimutation is a form of web-based computer animation, typically created in Adobe Flash and characterized by unpredictable montages of pop-culture images set to music, often in a language foreign to the intended viewers


----------



## Amaranthine

I never would have figured those terms out - good searching! 

The one video that came to mind when I saw that question was this. Though...it's not even in a foreign language. It just speaks to how incomprehensible metal can be.

Alternatively, something totally different, but not un-entertaining: voila.


----------



## tankyguy

Amaranthine said:


> I never would have figured those terms out - good searching!
> 
> The one video that came to mind when I saw that question was this. Though...it's not even in a foreign language. It just speaks to how incomprehensible metal can be.



I'll see that, and raise you _this_ video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPHaahKa1Nk


----------



## CleverBomb

Amaranthine said:


> I never would have figured those terms out - good searching!


Thanks -- the only thing I could think of was "The 'Numa Numa" Song" (actually, Dragostea din tei) and its video derivatives, so I started with the Wikipedia entry on that and started following links. I'd never actually heard of the Flash animation stuff before.


----------



## reuben6380

tankyguy said:


> I'll see that, and raise you _this_ video:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPHaahKa1Nk



slice of awesome right there!


----------



## itjoe

Extraversion ||||||||| 44% (38 percentile)
Conscientiousness||||||||||||| 67% (62 percentile)
Neuroticism ||||||| 35% (25 percentile)
Agreeableness |||||||||||||| 70% (39 percentile)
Openness ||||||||||||||||| 87% (71 percentile)

On Briggs-Meyer, I always score INTJ.

Introvert(33%) iNtuitive(62%) Thinking(38%) Judging(22%)


----------



## lille

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion	||||||||||	40%
Orderliness	||||||||||||||	56%
Emotional Stability	||||	16%
Accommodation	||||||||||||||||	66%
Inquisitiveness	||||||||||||||	52%

The Big Five is currently the most accepted personality model in the scientific community. The Big Five emerged from the work of multiple independent scientists/researchers starting in the 1950s who using different techniques obtained similar results. Those results were that there are five distinct personality traits/dimensions. Here are your results on each dimension:

Extroversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and private.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, neat, structured and restrained at the expense too often of flexibility, variety, spontaneity, and fun.

Emotional Stability results were very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Accommodation results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex).

Inquisitiveness results were medium which suggests you are moderately intellectual, curious, and imaginative.

Your Global5/SLOAN type is RLOAI
Your Primary type is Limbic


----------



## fat hiker

cakeboy said:


> For the third and final time, I only take personal offense to people who argue against WLS and - wait for it - know *nothing* about it. I simply cannot make it any clearer.



Actually, that's not what you wrote or how it came across - and what others are taking offense to is better found in this quote from you - "If we can't get support from a community who damn well knows the suffering fat people go through on a daily basis, where the fuck ARE we going to get it?"

Coming to a community that up-front says it is opposed to WLS and hoping for support for WLS is like preferring rock and roll expecting a heavy metal station to cater to your tastes - you 're just in the wrong forum. Ranting at us isn't going to make us support you more.


----------



## Amaranthine

Kidnapped Teen Freed, Though Freedom Is Its Own Kind Of Prison, Is It Not?

I wasn't sure where to put that, but I find it so perfect I just _had_ to put it somewhere. 

So...uh...does anyone have any views on free will they'd like to share? Maybe some idiosyncratic interpretations of the notion of freedom? Existential dread over the thought of being in complete control of your future? More straightforward dread over the thought that your future is already set in stone? Silly anecdotes where you did something really dumb just because you could?

Personally...I think free will is one of the more difficult philosophical topics to think about. I mean, who actually wants to countenance that they have very little/no choice over their actions? It might be theoretically viable, but if you try to put in into practice, it really falls apart.


----------



## biglynch

If I was entirely free the first thing I would do is restrict others. Thats what freedom is about.

Got to love The Onion.


----------



## Tad

A big part of the youth culture of the 60s and early 70s was dedicated to freedom in various forms....freedom from 'the man' freedom from old roles and stereotypes, heck freedom from one's own mind....and that whole movement kind of faded out over time, and that same group, now around retirement age, doesn't show obvious signs of having ended up all that different from other groups.

Although it could make for a really cool documentary, to track down a whole pile of people who were hard core hippies in their youth, at their retirement, and ask them if they have any regrets about that time period, did they feel it made them better people in the long run, and now that they don't have to work for a living or support a family, will they re-adopt any of that lifestyle?


----------



## LeoGibson

Amaranthine said:


> Kidnapped Teen Freed, Though Freedom Is Its Own Kind Of Prison, Is It Not?
> 
> I wasn't sure where to put that, but I find it so perfect I just _had_ to put it somewhere.
> 
> So...uh...does anyone have any views on free will they'd like to share? Maybe some idiosyncratic interpretations of the notion of freedom? Existential dread over the thought of being in complete control of your future? More straightforward dread over the thought that your future is already set in stone? Silly anecdotes where you did something really dumb just because you could?
> 
> Personally...I think free will is one of the more difficult philosophical topics to think about. I mean, who actually wants to countenance that they have very little/no choice over their actions? It might be theoretically viable, but if you try to put in into practice, it really falls apart.



Here's some of my inane ramblings on the subject! If you don't like "pot talk" feel free to just completely ignore this wall of text! 

This is a very intriguing subject to me. It is something I have pondered on here and again in the wee small hours. What exactly is freedom? Can one truly live free? 

Freedom truly is an illusion in the abstract as we as human beings are bound to something. Whether it be the need to hunt or forage for food, or a need to find or build shelter or really just to take care of our basic needs for living. In order to live one must obey those innate laws which means that in the most full sense of the word, you are never truly free.

However, in the less broad sense of the word you can be free. Anecdotally, I have had a few unfortunate occasions to lose my freedom (as we commonly know it to be) and I'll say that anytime you can show a self-determination by ignoring the directives that those in control of you give, no matter how small, the feeling victory and personal freedom in that instance is immense and palpable. 

Now, back to the intangible freedom. I think the closest you can get is if you can achieve the Zen state of wanting nothing. When you can achieve that, you are truly about as close to free as you can possibly be and still be a human being. 

I also believe in free will to self-determine. I think that is what our Creator had in mind. I do believe in a divine Creator and since the model I had growing up was the Christian version then that's the one I go with, although I cannot say that I know that it is 100% "on the money" since so many human hands have touched the narrative since its inception.

That being said, humans being free is the cornerstone of its belief. We have the free will to determine our entire course. The past is gone and nothing can be gained by trying to relive it. The best you can do is learn from it. The future is unknown since it is a fluid thing controlled by the decisions you make in the present. So, using an informed past but living fully in the moment is how you are "free" to determine your future. Worrying about your past, or conversely, your "legacy" is the wrong course of action to be free in this moment. Remember, odds are good that 100 years from now anyone who is reading this text today will be dead. So what does a legacy even matter? It is just something that binds you from being free and living in the moment. Think about it, can you name anyone, celebrity or family it doesn't matter, that was alive 100 years ago? I bet you can name quite few. How about 250 years ago? That number is getting smaller. How about 500 or 1,000 or even 10,000 years ago? That number has now gone about to probably zero. So once again, what does any of this really matter in the grand scheme of life? (I would so totally be a nihilist if it wasn't for my belief in a divine Creator)

TL;DR 
The thing I believe you should do is live in this moment and try to achieve a state of mind where you want nothing if you want to be as free as you can be. 


And thus ends the "pot talk" for today!


----------



## djudex

Amaranthine said:


> Personally...I think free will is one of the more difficult philosophical topics to think about. I mean, who actually wants to countenance that they have very little/no choice over their actions? It might be theoretically viable, but if you try to put in into practice, it really falls apart.



Technically you can't put it in to practice because if that's what you believe then your actions are preordained and anything you think you are enacting, collapsible or not, is not your own doing and so is incapable of causing anything to happen 


mmmmm sass


----------



## tankyguy

If I was Emperor of the World, I would issue a decree that all cars must sound like the ones on the Jetsons.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnT1VgeXOF0


----------



## MrSensible

tankyguy said:


> If I was Emperor of the World, I would issue a decree that all cars must sound like the ones on the Jetsons.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnT1VgeXOF0



My car kind of already sounds like that but I'm pretty sure it's just my power steering belt going out. Regardless, I'm with you on this :happy:.


----------



## CleverBomb

tankyguy said:


> If I was Emperor of the World, I would issue a decree that all cars must sound like the ones on the Jetsons.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnT1VgeXOF0


The Suzuki Burgman 650 motorscooter actually does sound like that. 

The "growl" is from the 638cc parallel twin, the "whine" is from the daisy-chained gears down the left swingarm that it uses instead of a chain, belt, or shaft drive. 

Top speed is about 110MPH, fuel economy is 40-50 MPG, and there's room for two motorcycle helmets (and then some) under the seat.




(Notes: 2013+ models have revised styling. Image from Wikipedia includes aftermarket accessories.)


----------



## MsBrightside

I've been wondering about something; and, since it didn't really seem to fit any of the other thread topics, I posted it here (thanks Amaranthine for the thread idea. ) When I'm in the car in the mornings, I typically listen to the radio because it seems easier than dealing with CDs or digital music files; and every morning the DJs read a list of birthdays and anniversaries sent in by listeners. So many of the anniversary couples are reported as Never Ever having had a fight. I haven't kept actual statistics; but I would say that it's well over half of them, although occasionally a couple will make a point of noting that they fight all the time.  This sort of wedded utopia is definitely outside the realm of my experience, and I'm curious if I live in the global epicenter of marital bliss or if there's something else going on. Are these couples all deluding themselves? Or is it a matter of semantics? Maybe in Texas, it's not considered a fight unless weapons are involved.  Anyway, I was curious if anyone else had noticed this phenomenon or had any thoughts on this.


----------



## Tad

Personally I'd take such claims with a large chunk of salt!


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

MsBrightside said:


> So many of the anniversary couples are reported as Never Ever having had a fight.




Prozac moves in mysterious ways, its wonders to perform.


----------



## ODFFA

MsBrightside said:


> I've been wondering about something; and, since it didn't really seem to fit any of the other thread topics, I posted it here (thanks Amaranthine for the thread idea. ) When I'm in the car in the mornings, I typically listen to the radio because it seems easier than dealing with CDs or digital music files; and every morning the DJs read a list of birthdays and anniversaries sent in by listeners. So many of the anniversary couples are reported as Never Ever having had a fight. I haven't kept actual statistics; but I would say that it's well over half of them, although occasionally a couple will make a point of noting that they fight all the time.  This sort of wedded utopia is definitely outside the realm of my experience, and I'm curious if I live in the global epicenter of marital bliss or if there's something else going on. Are these couples all deluding themselves? Or is it a matter of semantics? Maybe in Texas, it's not considered a fight unless weapons are involved.  Anyway, I was curious if anyone else had noticed this phenomenon or had any thoughts on this.



What Tad said. Also, I wouldn't equate never having a fight (if they mean it literally) with marital/relational bliss. Imagine how much you'd have to bottle up to never ever have a 'fight' with someone. Especially when you're that close to each other, it's inevitable. 

Though I s'pose "fight" can potentially be a dramatic and harsh-sounding word. So there may be something to the Texan thing you mentioned! But even if you have a happy couple made up of two individuals that typically won't raise their voice, you better believe there'll be difficult discussions and issues to work through, with all of the feels that come standard with that type of thing. It seems the happy part has more to do with how effectively you come out the other end of it


----------



## loopytheone

I think I agree with everyone else here! If you define a fight as fisticuffs then I would hope most couples haven't had any fights! But if you define it as arguing then I think almost all people who spend time together, couple or not, argue sometimes.


----------



## Tad

loopytheone said:


> I think I agree with everyone else here! If you define a fight as fisticuffs then I would hope most couples haven't had any fights! But if you define it as arguing then I think almost all people who spend time together, couple or not, argue sometimes.



For sure--fights don't always look like fights. When my wife and I are joking around it can sound like we are being quite caustic, but when we are having one of our rare true fights we are generally excruciatingly polite, with long silences and much time spent in different rooms. (basically if we are actually mad with each other, we are being extra careful not to do any damage beyond the issue at hand, no matter how much we might want to just lash out)


----------



## MsBrightside

Thanks for your perspectives, everyone. I was starting to feel as if I were one of the last remaining non-pod-people. 



loopytheone said:


> I think I agree with everyone else here! If you define a fight as fisticuffs then I would hope most couples haven't had any fights! But if you define it as arguing then I think almost all people who spend time together, couple or not, argue sometimes.



I'm pretty sure they meant arguing. I agree that fisticuffs between couples would definitely not be a good thing, although sparring a few rounds with boxing gloves might be therapeutic for some.  

Tad, I admire the control you and your wife are able to exhibit in the midst of a disagreement; qualities like that are probably one of the reasons you're still together.


----------



## Tad

MsBrightside said:


> Tad, I admire the control you and your wife are able to exhibit in the midst of a disagreement; qualities like that are probably one of the reasons you're still together.



I like to view it as just being extremely Canadian  If you notice a Canadian saying "please" even more often than usual, they are probably ticked, and if they sprinkle a sentence with it the same way that some people sprinkle in f-bombs.... then they are really tearing into you


----------



## Deacone

Tad said:


> I like to view it as just being extremely Canadian  If you notice a Canadian saying "please" even more often than usual, they are probably ticked, and if they sprinkle a sentence with it the same way that some people sprinkle in f-bombs.... then they are really tearing into you



Ah the canadian frequent please is the same as the english frequent please


----------



## LeoGibson

MsBrightside said:


> This sort of wedded utopia is definitely outside the realm of my experience, and I'm curious if I live in the global epicenter of marital bliss or if there's something else going on.
> I don't know. It could be. Is there a large natural supply of Lithium in the water table in your area?
> 
> Are these couples all deluding themselves?
> More than likely
> Maybe in Texas, it's not considered a fight unless weapons are involved.
> There is that!!
> 
> 
> Anyway, I was curious if anyone else had noticed this phenomenon or had any thoughts on this.
> Not my experience at all. Me and my wife get after it sometimes when it comes to fighting. She's very hot-headed and opinionated and I'm always right and she HATES that.



Of course there could be other reasons, but these are just as good as any others really.


----------



## MsBrightside

Thanks for the reply, LeoG. I needed a good laugh today. 




LeoGibson said:


> I don't know. It could be. Is there a large natural supply of Lithium in the water table in your area?



I'll have to check. My community provides a detailed annual report of the levels of various contaminants in our water supply, but I'm not sure they test for that. 



> _ Me and my wife get after it sometimes when it comes to fighting. She's very hot-headed and opinionated and I'm always right and she HATES that._



It must be quite a trial to be always right in a world that doesn't always appreciate that fact,  but your wife is a lucky woman! Not just because of your apparent infallibility--I'm sure the ladies here could think of lots of other reasons. Your voice alone is probably enough to win over most of us; you must be careful to use your powers only for good.


----------



## Sasquatch!

"Today is our 16th Wedding Anniversary, and we've never dueled with pistols at dawn"


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Sasquatch! said:


> "Today is our 16th Wedding Anniversary, and we've never dueled with pistols at dawn"



Neither have we. I can't aim worth a damn until I've had my second cup of coffee.


----------



## tankyguy

Crazy movie and TV theories of mine that will blow your mind:

The movies Terminator 1, Short Circuit, and the Matrix all take place in a shared universe in that order on the timeline.

The original Battlestar Galactica and Knight Rider also take place in the same universe. KITT's artificial intelligence was reverse engineered from a Cylon. Note the scrolling LED lights on each.

Ernie and Bert are the same person, just like Fight Club.

The events of Forrest Gump never happened. His prodigy son is telling the tall tail to kids at school who made for of him because his father was handicapped.

This isn't my theory, a teacher I once had ranted about this, and it's way out there:

Jumanji is an anti-economic globalization allegory. Apparently the jungle animals escaping and wrecking the small town represent the effect of sending jobs overseas and foreign interests taking control of America. The failing shoe company Alan's father worked at is the American economy, which is only saved after sending the animals back where they came from and Alan returning to the past; ie returning old ways of doing business.


What do you think? Besides that I over-analyze things?

Anyone else got any theories about movies or TV?


----------



## MsBrightside

tankyguy said:


> Crazy movie and TV theories of mine that will blow your mind:
> 
> The events of Forrest Gump never happened. His prodigy son is telling the tall tail to kids at school who made for of him because his father was handicapped.



Your _Forrest Gump _theory actually makes a lot more sense than what is portrayed in the movie, but I probably wouldn't have liked the realistic spin on it as much as the true-life fairy tale: it's one of my favorite films. :wubu: 



> _This isn't my theory, a teacher I once had ranted about this, and it's way out there:
> 
> Jumanji is an anti-economic globalization allegory. Apparently the jungle animals escaping and wrecking the small town represent the effect of sending jobs overseas and foreign interests taking control of America. The failing shoe company Alan's father worked at is the American economy, which is only saved after sending the animals back where they came from and Alan returning to the past; ie returning old ways of doing business.
> 
> 
> What do you think? Besides that I over-analyze things?
> 
> Anyone else got any theories about movies or TV?_



This teacher sounds as if he/she had a few issues. I guess I'm silly for thinking that movie was more about showing loyalty to one another when things get tough and seizing the opportunity to fix past mistakes. Plus cool computer graphics and a chance to see Robin Williams, Bonnie Hunt, and Bebe Neuwirth in action. 

My theory: A whole season of _Dallas_ was really just Pamela Ewing's dream. Oh, wait...


----------



## Amaranthine

tankyguy said:


> Ernie and Bert are the same person, just like Fight Club.



I can basically imagine two people coming to this conclusion after smoking numerous joints, and the hypothetical conversation is really making me laugh. That puts a strangely morbid twist on Sesame Street. 

Maybe a year ago, I read this whole long thing about shared universes and pop culture conspiracies; I really wish I could find it now, but I'll have to settle for being upset at myself because I can't 

I wish I had theories of my own, but I'm too TV/movie ignorant for it. Maybe it's for the best. I wouldn't want to end up like your possibly crazy teacher...and there's like a 92.7% chance that would happen.


----------



## tankyguy

MsBrightside said:


> This teacher sounds as if he/she had a few issues.



She also said E.T. was about black slavery.

Way to take the fun and magic out of everything.


I also think Gump is a fun film, but airing on TV too much spoiled it, like Shawshank. 




Amaranthine said:


> I can basically imagine two people coming to this conclusion after smoking numerous joints, and the hypothetical conversation is really making me laugh. That puts a strangely morbid twist on Sesame Street.



I need no recreational substances to come up with this stuff, just late nights working on stuff.

Bert's the narrator, of course, and Ernie is his Tyler Durden who acts out all the things he wish he could do but can't because of his crippling neuroses. Look at all the things Bert does: collects bottle caps, is relentlessly cleaning all the time, hallucinates singing sheep. Ernie is impulse driven, pulls pranks and generally takes the blame for bad things that happen in their apartment.

And, don't get me started on each of the classic Sesame Street monsters representing the Seven Deadly Sins. (hint: Cookie Monster is Gluttony, Oscar is Wrath)




> Maybe a year ago, I read this whole long thing about shared universes and pop culture conspiracies; I really wish I could find it now, but I'll have to settle for being upset at myself because I can't



Would love to see that.




> Maybe it's for the best. I wouldn't want to end up like your possibly crazy teacher...and there's like a 92.7% chance that would happen.



On no please don't.


----------



## MsBrightside

tankyguy said:


> She also said E.T. was about black slavery.
> 
> Way to take the fun and magic out of everything.
> 
> 
> I also think Gump is a fun film, but airing on TV too much spoiled it, like Shawshank.



 What kind of course did she teach?? I had an economics/civics teacher in high school who was obsessed with conspiracy theories regarding the JFK assassination; and he used to end his presentations with an ominous innuendo and slide showing LBJ as he was sworn in on Airforce One, but his eccentricity level pales in comparison. 

Aw, I like _The Shawshank Redemption_, too. If you think those films have been overexposed, you should have seen what network execs did to _It's a Wonderful Life_ in the 1980's. I don't think you could turn on a TV set during the holiday season back then without seeing that movie on one of the channels, and it also has characters named Bert and Ernie. Coincidence?


----------



## ODFFA

tankyguy said:


> Bert's the narrator, of course, and Ernie is his Tyler Durden who acts out all the things he wish he could do but can't because of his crippling neuroses. Look at all the things Bert does: collects bottle caps, is relentlessly cleaning all the time, hallucinates singing sheep. Ernie is impulse driven, pulls pranks and generally takes the blame for bad things that happen in their apartment.
> 
> And, don't get me started on each of the classic Sesame Street monsters representing the Seven Deadly Sins. (hint: Cookie Monster is Gluttony, Oscar is Wrath)



Conclusion: Sesame Street is produced by closet satanists who want kids to be healthy, balanced hedonists! :happy: Unlike Bert/Ernie getting so enmeshed into dualistic good/evil thinking that he develops schizophrenia and a dissociative identity.

And now for some _true_ funfacts, because I'm not TV/movie savvy enough to come up with outlandish theories either:
In the SA version of Sesame Street, we have an HIV-positive character called Kami. Obviously, she was purposely created to touch all the other characters and reduce da stigma.

As for District 9, it's based on an actual event in SA history where the residents of the real place, District 6, were forced out of their homes and dumped on the outskirts of the City of Cape Town to live in squalor. Except.... none of the spearheaders of this project turned into a black man


----------



## tankyguy

MsBrightside said:


> What kind of course did she teach??
> 
> 
> 
> I had her for Math and Science in what I think Americans call Middle School? (jr. high here) and Biology in high school. I also know she taught Black History in HS, so yeah.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I don't think you could turn on a TV set during the holiday season back then without seeing that movie on one of the channels, and it also has characters named Bert and Ernie. Coincidence?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Oh I was young, but I remember. It's still the case up here every Christmas Eve.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ODFFA said:
> 
> 
> 
> And now for some _true_ funfacts, because I'm not TV/movie savvy enough to come up with outlandish theories either:
> In the SA version of Sesame Street, we have an HIV-positive character called Kami. Obviously, she was purposely created to touch all the other characters and reduce da stigma.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I remember hearing about that. There was a bit of a moral flap over here about it with people not understanding it was the SA version of the show and why she was an important character to add.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> As for District 9, it's based on an actual event in SA history where the residents of the real place, District 6, were forced out of their homes and dumped on the outskirts of the City of Cape Town to live in squalor. Except.... none of the spearheaders of this project turned into a black man
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Yeah, I read about it but I haven't seen the actual movie yet!. Have you seen the original short film from years ago the movie was based on, 'Alive in Joburg'? The short is like a documentary set in the D9 universe and apparently used real footage of interviews from the actual District 6 happening.
> 
> [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNReejO7Zu8[/ame]
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...


----------



## ODFFA

tankyguy said:


> Yeah, I read about it but I haven't seen the actual movie yet!. Have you seen the original short film from years ago the movie was based on, 'Alive in Joburg'? The short is like a documentary set in the D9 universe and apparently used real footage of interviews from the actual District 6 happening.



Oh wow, I had no idea it was based on a short film. Thanks for the link!


----------



## Fuzzy

Re: fighting.. it happens, we're humans. You're an extraordinary couple if you're able to work out those differences and mend each other. But sometimes words cannot be unsaid.


----------



## Sasquatch!

....... I want to see Shawshank Redeption but with Forrest Gump instead of Andy Dufresnes. And Bill Cosby instead of Morgan Freeman. SOMEONE DO THIS NOW.


----------



## Amaranthine

Sasquatch! said:


> ....... I want to see Shawshank Redeption but with Forrest Gump instead of Andy Dufresnes. And Bill Cosby instead of Morgan Freeman. SOMEONE DO THIS NOW.



I think I would watch any movie where the primary black actor was replaced by Bill Cosby, acting like typical Bill Cosby. 

Particularly Django Unchained. And maybe Flight. To name a few.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

I cannot ever read the title of this thread without this song popping into my head. 

http://youtu.be/BgvnZIxOX08


Are there any other Journey fans here?



Also, I have (yet another) job interview tomorrow morning. Any pointers from anyone?


----------



## Sasquatch!

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I cannot ever read the title of this thread without this song popping into my head.
> 
> http://youtu.be/BgvnZIxOX08
> 
> 
> Are there any other Journey fans here?
> 
> 
> 
> Also, I have (yet another) job interview tomorrow morning. Any pointers from anyone?



Take a few seconds to think about how to respond to their questions (as long as you don't look like you've blanked out)..... it will give you time to formulate an answer, you'll be calmer and less likely to waffle.
It also lets them see you're taking the questions seriously and put thought into things rather than regurgitate a stock answer.


----------



## Amaranthine

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I cannot ever read the title of this thread without this song popping into my head.
> 
> 
> Are there any other Journey fans here?
> 
> 
> 
> Also, I have (yet another) job interview tomorrow morning. Any pointers from anyone?



That's actually where I got the thread name from. I was intentionally trying to poison people's minds with a catchy Journey song 

Also, just be confident! Get a solid foundation for how you might answer questions, but don't overthink it to the point where you start getting nervous or doubting yourself.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Sasquatch! said:


> Take a few seconds to think about how to respond to their questions (as long as you don't look like you've blanked out)..... it will give you time to formulate an answer, you'll be calmer and less likely to waffle.
> It also lets them see you're taking the questions seriously and put thought into things rather than regurgitate a stock answer.





Amaranthine said:


> That's actually where I got the thread name from. I was intentionally trying to poison people's minds with a catchy Journey song
> 
> Also, just be confident! Get a solid foundation for how you might answer questions, but don't overthink it to the point where you start getting nervous or doubting yourself.



Thank you both for the good answers! :bow:


Just got back from the interview not long ago. I think I did okay- as in I think the manager liked me. She said "I'm looking forward to talking to you again"

I took that as a very good sign- that and she liked my past work experience in a hectic place- as in I truly know what to expect in a job like that. 

I will know for sure by the 25th - it sounds like a good fit for me *crosses fingers*

Oh and since I have a random mind and love a thread that is just for such a thing: Every time I look in the mirror I keep being reminded of my father .... as in when he got older. Not sure how I feel about this.....


----------



## WhiteHotRazor

Anyone watch american horror story last night? I'm pretty sure that clown will be a part of every nightmare I have from now on. 

What did you think of the first episode?

Seems to me like it's gonna be a decent season. 

They're getting really artsy with the camera work. At least it seemed more so then previous seasons.


----------



## tankyguy

This seems fishy:

http://theoatmeal.com/quizzes/sound/

I could easily hear the tone, made me wince even. Approaching my mid 30's here.


----------



## lille

tankyguy said:


> This seems fishy:
> 
> http://theoatmeal.com/quizzes/sound/
> 
> I could easily hear the tone, made me wince even. Approaching my mid 30's here.



I've heard it a few times, it is a real thing. I think they're a bit off on when people start to lose the ability to hear that sound, but it will also vary person to person. My mom cannot hear sounds of that pitch. It's like older TVs that would make a similar sound when you turned them on, drove me and my dad crazy but my mom couldn't hear it.


----------



## MsBrightside

tankyguy said:


> This seems fishy:
> 
> http://theoatmeal.com/quizzes/sound/
> 
> I could easily hear the tone, made me wince even. Approaching my mid 30's here.



Hmm...I could hear it but had to turn my laptop volume up.  (I'm 46)


----------



## CleverBomb

lille said:


> I've heard it a few times, it is a real thing. I think they're a bit off on when people start to lose the ability to hear that sound, but it will also vary person to person. My mom cannot hear sounds of that pitch. It's like older TVs that would make a similar sound when you turned them on, drove me and my dad crazy but my mom couldn't hear it.


You might be in your 40s if you remember rooms full of computer monitors that made that almost inaudible whine that your friends couldn't hear.


----------



## lille

CleverBomb said:


> You might be in your 40s if you remember rooms full of computer monitors that made that almost inaudible whine that your friends couldn't hear.



Definitely not.


----------



## Sasquatch!

I used to own this soundfile as a teenager. Endless amusement.

I can still hear it.


----------



## Amaranthine

Sasquatch! said:


> I used to own this soundfile as a teenager. Endless amusement.
> 
> I can still hear it.



Did you own a deck of these as well? No childhood would be complete without them.


----------



## CleverBomb

Sasquatch! said:


> I used to own this soundfile as a teenager. Endless amusement.
> 
> I can still hear it.


I still need to get around to recording a 56K dialup modem connecting, for use as a ringtone.


----------



## tankyguy

I pose a simple question, the answer to which may raise a few eyebrows:

How is Street Fighter 2's Guile like the Mona Lisa?


----------



## Yakatori

For one, how the eyes of either portrait seem to follow you from whichever angle your viewing it. A true masterpiece on that alone.

Secondly, how well they go with just about anything:

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjiTTcJsETY[/ame]


----------



## Yakatori

I feel like this one, in particular, deserves its own dedicated post:

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrpXXxRlD_Q[/ame]


----------



## bayone

MsBrightside said:


> Hmm...I could hear it but had to turn my laptop volume up.  (I'm 46)



Forty, and I winced at it. Then again I have trouble tuning out traffic, and have speculated that listening to high-volume music is a deliberate strategy to deafen oneself enough that background noise is no longer painful.


----------



## Tad

A guy at one of the local papers has taken to giving weather forecasts that reflect how we are all really feeling:

http://ottawacitizen.com/storyline/todays-weather-ottawa

Sadly there doesn't seem to be any way to read the archive, so you get whatever is up there today. April 2nd isn't bad, and I like the gif at the end, but some of the one recently have been even better. How it is when you go look, I can't promise.


----------



## RabbitScorpion

For non-metricphones: 15C=59F, -2C=28F and -8C=18F.

Detroit has been very much like Ottawa. It only gets above freezing long enough to make one day a washout.


----------



## tankyguy

Mona Lisa and Guile: it's about what they both lack.
:huh:


----------



## Yakatori

Also, if & when *Esther* checks in or anyone else who has any idea:
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeQDykW6BYU[/ame]
Is this _for-real_? I mean, how accurately do the subtitles match-up with the sound? What, if any, other context do I need? i.e. is this _really_ a North Korean film or am I being silly to even wonder as much?


----------



## ODFFA

tankyguy said:


> Mona Lisa and Guile: it's about what they both lack.
> :huh:



Like me, neither of them are particularly blessed in the shoulder department. We have, like, noulders? It's just this general downward slant that no bag or bra strap cares to respect (no judgement, Guile). But utter ridiculousness aside...... eyebrows?


----------



## lille

tankyguy said:


> Mona Lisa and Guile: it's about what they both lack.
> :huh:



They have no eyebrows.


----------



## tankyguy

ODFFA said:


> But utter ridiculousness aside...... eyebrows?





lille said:


> They have no eyebrows.



Correct!


----------



## Tad

What can probably best be described as a hipster coffee shop has opened up in my neighborhood. I could barely resist laughing at how stereotypical it was, as the thickly bearded and visibly tatooed young man spent over a minute explaining the wonders of "nitrogen coffee," which has to be the most gimmicky way I've yet heard of to make coffee. Seriously, it requires nitrogen tanks, beer casks and taps, and overnight brewing. After all that, I had to try it.

Darn it all, it was good. Cold coffee is usually pretty meh, but this had wonderful flavour.

I've already detoured once to grab another cup of it.

And finally it sunk in, I am in fact the target market for this. At five bucks a glass, it isn't other twenty-somethings that are going to buy it, mostly. It is in fact a brilliant wealth transfer scheme, targeting the blase bourgeoisie like me, who might be willing to pay twice the price for a marginally better cold coffee on a hot day. 

The high price is, probably, even part of the sales pitch--"the brewing method is so ridiculously complicated that we have to charge you that much for a plain coffee". A pitch that will work most on people who have reached that time in their lives when they can afford to flatter themselves about their refined taste in their tipple of choice.

I see all of that ....... and I still want another freaking cup of that coffee.


----------



## lucca23v2

Ok.. I have a question.. has anyone noticed that most stories about bbws/bhms are:

1. Short
2 go straight to the BBWs/BHMs having sex on a first date/meeting with the men/woman?

Where is the story line? Ugh! I don't mind the sexual stuff, but I want some content. 

Story's with no real content, just "he is handsome.. into her.. he asks her out and he tells her she is sexy and they have sex on the first date.. and live happily ever after" with nothing else substantial... well.. I might as well watch porn..


----------



## Tad

lucca23v2 said:


> Story's with no real content, just "he is handsome.. into her.. he asks her out and he tells her she is sexy and they have sex on the first date.. and live happily ever after" with nothing else substantial... well.. I might as well watch porn..



Yep. 

The current moderating crew is trying to cut back on the most insipid of those. There does seem to be an audience for that sort of stuff, probably because it is what you said--or a little more generously we could call it fantasy transcripts. We have actually tossed a few stories back lately and asked for at least a semblance of plot or character development. Some writers have taken that well, others not so much.


----------



## lucca23v2

Tad said:


> Yep.
> 
> The current moderating crew is trying to cut back on the most insipid of those. There does seem to be an audience for that sort of stuff, probably because it is what you said--or a little more generously we could call it fantasy transcripts. We have actually tossed a few stories back lately and asked for at least a semblance of plot or character development. Some writers have taken that well, others not so much.



Actually, I didn't mean on here. Just in general. I got some free ebooks from amazon.. and it seems that the stories are very short.. maybe about 10 pages.. and within the first 2 pages the couple is already having sex.. and then by page 5 they are living happily every after and the rest is advertising for the authors for more stories. it is just ugh!.

Also I have noticed that most of the BBW stories are stories about bbws dating werewolves.. why????

I guess only werewolves like bbws?? lol


----------



## CleverBomb

You know how difficult it is to find off-the-rack clothes...

They'd like to meet his tailor. 
Ah-hooo!


----------



## cherrygarcia

lucca23v2 said:


> Ok.. I have a question.. has anyone noticed that most stories about bbws/bhms are:
> 
> 1. Short
> 2 go straight to the BBWs/BHMs having sex on a first date/meeting with the men/woman?
> 
> Where is the story line? Ugh! I don't mind the sexual stuff, but I want some content.
> 
> Story's with no real content, just "he is handsome.. into her.. he asks her out and he tells her she is sexy and they have sex on the first date.. and live happily ever after" with nothing else substantial... well.. I might as well watch porn..



/whispers/ I might be writing a very long story involving a SSBHM with a BBW/FFA and a sort of 'forbidden love' type of situation, but I never thought about sharing it... :blush:


----------



## lucca23v2

cherrygarcia... SHARE!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Tad

cherrygarcia said:


> /whispers/ I might be writing a very long story involving a SSBHM with a BBW/FFA and a sort of 'forbidden love' type of situation, but I never thought about sharing it... :blush:



You have seen the library here, right? The place meant for sharing such stories? Just saying 

Seriously, there will be lots of people who will want to read it. Only post it if you feel comfortable with sharing it, but don't worry about whether or not others will like it -- one thing I've seen through my involvement in the library is that if it appeals to the author, there will be other people to whom it appeals.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

lucca23v2 said:


> Ok.. I have a question.. has anyone noticed that most stories about bbws/bhms are:
> 
> 1. Short
> 2 go straight to the BBWs/BHMs having sex on a first date/meeting with the men/woman?



I have noticed this in most stories, regardless of whom they're about. I suspect they are written for people with very short attention spans.


----------



## cherrygarcia

Tad said:


> You have seen the library here, right? The place meant for sharing such stories? Just saying
> 
> Seriously, there will be lots of people who will want to read it. Only post it if you feel comfortable with sharing it, but don't worry about whether or not others will like it -- one thing I've seen through my involvement in the library is that if it appeals to the author, there will be other people to whom it appeals.





lucca23v2 said:


> cherrygarcia... SHARE!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!



oh jeez... I'll have to go proofread! I usually just write for myself, and then forget about it. I'm generally kinda reserved about stuff I write, but I've been trying to be more open. needless to say, I haven't really shared stories about the kind of thing People Like Us are into, except privately with some like-minded friends. But letting some of it see the light of day might not be so terrible!


----------



## lucca23v2

umm.. Cherryg.. did you post the story yet? I want to read it.. PLEASE!!!!!


----------



## lucca23v2

Dr. Feelgood said:


> I have noticed this in most stories, regardless of whom they're about. I suspect they are written for people with very short attention spans.


 

I guess most people want to go through the story quickly. I am the type of reader that likes to get lost in the story. I like to think I am there in the action with them you know? 

I just want a real story where there is a bbw/bhm as the main character that goes through ups and down. A fully develop storyline with fully developed characters.

(HINT to Cherryg.... )


----------



## Tad

While out for a walk at lunch, I saw the following on a restaurant's chalkboard: "Fresh fish from Greece!"

Ummm, there are no direct commercial flights from Greece to Ottawa. In fact you might struggle to find a trip that doesn't have at least two connections. I really doubt there are direct flights just to bring fish here. At that there is about ten hours in the air. Add in all the logistics of getting fish from when caught to land to airport, onto plane, switch planes, get it distributed to restaurants... And this was a moderately priced restaurant, so would not have been setting up anything special all on their own.

I think there is something fishy in their claim of "fresh"!


----------



## lucca23v2

Tad said:


> While out for a walk at lunch, I saw the following on a restaurant's chalkboard: "Fresh fish from Greece!"
> 
> I think there is something fishy in their claim of "fresh"!


 
I think so too. That being said, I have overnighted things that were frozen. UPS,DHL, FedEx do overseas and they ship frozen things. You have to freeze the item and put it in a temperature and refrigerants. (ie: coolant gels, dry ice- if properly packed to prevent leakage of liquid(s), etc.) So it can be "fresh" if your meaning of fresh is frozen 3 to 5 days prior.


----------



## fat hiker

Tad said:


> While out for a walk at lunch, I saw the following on a restaurant's chalkboard: "Fresh fish from Greece!"
> 
> Ummm, there are no direct commercial flights from Greece to Ottawa. In fact you might struggle to find a trip that doesn't have at least two connections. I really doubt there are direct flights just to bring fish here. At that there is about ten hours in the air. Add in all the logistics of getting fish from when caught to land to airport, onto plane, switch planes, get it distributed to restaurants... And this was a moderately priced restaurant, so would not have been setting up anything special all on their own.
> 
> I think there is something fishy in their claim of "fresh"!



Hmmm... sort of like fresh vegetables from California and Mexico, eh what, Tad?

But, seriously, Ottawa has direct flights, daily, to London-Heathrow and Frankfurt, and there are many direct flights from Athens and even Thessaloniki to London and Frankfurt. Plus, Toronto is only an hour away by air, and it has direct flights to Athen; then there's Montreal-Dorval, which has lots of one-change service to Athens, and is less than two hours drive away.

Whereas those 'fresh Washington state cherries' spent at least four days on a truck, let alone the 'fresh Mexican tomatos' which were a week in transit....


----------



## dwesterny

Tad said:


> While out for a walk at lunch, I saw the following on a restaurant's chalkboard: "Fresh fish from Greece!"
> 
> Ummm, there are no direct commercial flights from Greece to Ottawa.



Greece, New York is only 4 hours from Ottawa!


----------



## tankyguy

This video tackles a pet peeve of mine.

http://www.dorkly.com/post/75642/think-you-hate-cgi-in-movies-think-again

It's cool right now to rag on how CGI has ruined movies and how things were so much better when practical effects dominated, but most people don't know when they're looking at either.


----------



## Amaranthine

While perusing social media earlier, I noticed someone posted a link with the tagline: "She rubs her hands on a spoon under water. The reason why, I wish I had known sooner." 

It wasn't from Clickhole. Or any other satirical site. After googling the matter, the chemistry behind it was actually interesting (it supposedly gets onion/garlic scent off the hands) but it got me thinking about the state of the internet. How there's so much content out there - often some of the most popular - that has absolutely no value beyond shallow entertainment. And with all our electronics, we're essentially training our brains to expect frequent exposure to various, extremely stimulating things. At least with TV, as mind-dulling as reality television is, you have to sit there and hopefully get sick of being bombarded with commercials. Smartphones and computers just offer rapid-fire, instant gratification all the time. And I wonder, over the long term, if this is going to have some sort of over-arching negative impact.


----------



## lucca23v2

I think it already has. Specially in corporate america. An example.. I work for an accounting firm. . We have clients that provide sometimes 50 k1s and 1099s and about 6 w2s..in the morning and expect a completed return by noon...unrealistic..

Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk


----------



## ODFFA

Amaranthine said:


> While perusing social media earlier, I noticed someone posted a link with the tagline: "She rubs her hands on a spoon under water. The reason why, I wish I had known sooner."
> 
> It wasn't from Clickhole. Or any other satirical site. After googling the matter, the chemistry behind it was actually interesting (it supposedly gets onion/garlic scent off the hands) but it got me thinking about the state of the internet. How there's so much content out there - often some of the most popular - that has absolutely no value beyond shallow entertainment. And with all our electronics, we're essentially training our brains to expect frequent exposure to various, extremely stimulating things. At least with TV, as mind-dulling as reality television is, you have to sit there and hopefully get sick of being bombarded with commercials. Smartphones and computers just offer rapid-fire, instant gratification all the time. And I wonder, over the long term, if this is going to have some sort of over-arching negative impact.



Whenever I ponder this same question, my mind immediately takes the education route with it. On one hand, I suppose the demand-for-entertainment factor could be a bit of a plus -- forcing teachers etc. to up their game, think of ways to break up _some_ of the monotony inherent in learning and help make allll the infos stick a little better.

But mostly, I can't help thinking of the downsides too. Attention span for one, as you've said. And just... the loss of a sense of perseverance? I'm pretty sure I'd be surprised to realise how much I've been affected by these things personally.


----------



## tankyguy

Amaranthine said:


> While perusing social media earlier, I noticed someone posted a link with the tagline: "She rubs her hands on a spoon under water. The reason why, I wish I had known sooner."
> 
> It wasn't from Clickhole. Or any other satirical site. After googling the matter, the chemistry behind it was actually interesting (it supposedly gets onion/garlic scent off the hands) but it got me thinking about the state of the internet. How there's so much content out there - often some of the most popular - that has absolutely no value beyond shallow entertainment. And with all our electronics, we're essentially training our brains to expect frequent exposure to various, extremely stimulating things. At least with TV, as mind-dulling as reality television is, you have to sit there and hopefully get sick of being bombarded with commercials. Smartphones and computers just offer rapid-fire, instant gratification all the time. And I wonder, over the long term, if this is going to have some sort of over-arching negative impact.



You may be interested in this TEDx talk.

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJtEbvSOd_E[/ame]


----------



## dwesterny

Amaranthine said:


> While perusing social media earlier, I noticed someone posted a link with the tagline: "She rubs her hands on a spoon under water. The reason why, I wish I had known sooner."
> 
> It wasn't from Clickhole. Or any other satirical site. After googling the matter, the chemistry behind it was actually interesting (it supposedly gets onion/garlic scent off the hands) but it got me thinking about the state of the internet. How there's so much content out there - often some of the most popular - that has absolutely no value beyond shallow entertainment. And with all our electronics, we're essentially training our brains to expect frequent exposure to various, extremely stimulating things. At least with TV, as mind-dulling as reality television is, you have to sit there and hopefully get sick of being bombarded with commercials. Smartphones and computers just offer rapid-fire, instant gratification all the time. And I wonder, over the long term, if this is going to have some sort of over-arching negative impact.



There is certainly that side to it, I would however point out the effect on-demand internet based content has had on TV shows. Previously most TV episodes had to be able to stand alone. That meant easily accessible characters who needed no background and story lines that could be enjoyed in isolation for the majority of shows. Since in many cases, especially web-based shows, people are able to watch a series without missing episodes (and indeed they are expected to be watched in order and fairly closely together) they are becoming serialized films, and moreover a single season is really a serialized film trilogy worth of content. 

Also I believe that the internet is responsible for the return of the small artist. Mass production made books, films, music etc accessible cheaply as long as you took what was determined to be worthy of mass production. Before the printing press Carl the village storyteller was your source for stories. After the printing press "Fuck off Carl, I'm reading Tom Clancy." Similar though not the same for live music once recorded became more available, some media weather mass production better than others because there is still something that attracts to the older forms. However, with the internet the small artist has found a new better fitting venue, from the only option in an isolated small area because of availability to a niche specialist able to reach as large or small an audience as their particular idiom allows.

Essentially what I would say is people are more capable now of following their inclinations, good or bad. Including content that is short, flashy and mindless and some that is not. Now is the short attention span always bad? Maybe not, a lot of IT genius types complained that conventional education was too drawn out and boring to keep them interested.

TL;DR? Here is a cat video.
[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fGQLHKx-Y0"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fGQLHKx-Y0[/ame]


----------



## MsBrightside

tankyguy said:


> This video tackles a pet peeve of mine.
> 
> http://www.dorkly.com/post/75642/think-you-hate-cgi-in-movies-think-again
> 
> It's cool right now to rag on how CGI has ruined movies and how things were so much better when practical effects dominated, but most people don't know when they're looking at either.



Of course practical effects are always better! 

Exhibit A:
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJfFrOIKJdc[/ame]



Amaranthine said:


> ...it got me thinking about the state of the internet. How there's so much content out there - often some of the most popular - that has absolutely no value beyond shallow entertainment. And with all our electronics, we're essentially training our brains to expect frequent exposure to various, extremely stimulating things. At least with TV, as mind-dulling as reality television is, you have to sit there and hopefully get sick of being bombarded with commercials. Smartphones and computers just offer rapid-fire, instant gratification all the time. And I wonder, over the long term, if this is going to have some sort of over-arching negative impact.



There are certainly some positives to having so much information, entertainment, and social media at one's fingertips, but I agree that there are negatives, too. One that I've noticed in particular is the loss of interest (or opportunity perhaps) in connecting physically with nature and the outdoors, especially among children. I've taught summer camp the past few years and taken elementary-aged children to a nature center/bayou tour, a boat trip on a nearby river, outdoor playgrounds and spray parks, and hiking in a national forest. Some of the children are quite interested and seem to enjoy it, but many can't seem to go two minutes without complaining how hot and tired they are, that there are bugs, that they'd rather be indoors with an electronic device, etc. And this is in Texas, where there is probably a greater emphasis on sports and outdoor activities than many other places. It seems like some of them would rather watch an animal video on Youtube than see one in person if doing so involves any sort of effort or inconvenience (which relates to to the notions of perseverance and instant gratification mentioned by you and ODFFA). I think a lot of kids (and adults) are really missing out on something important by isolating themselves physically from the world around them.

tankyguy: interesting lecture; I had no idea reading comprehension had declined so much, even as far back as the '60's. I wonder if reading forum posts counts as mentally nutritious?


----------



## Tad

I am absolutely positive that young people today do FAR more reading and writing than when I was in that age group. The reading may be in a video game, the writing may be in text messages, but a lot of kids used to do very little of either outside of school, and now they do.

I don't see any way which that makes them less literate. Maybe the style of their writing and reading is different than what was possessed by people who did read and write in the era of cursive writing and typewriters, but that is a matter of style, not capability (heck, I struggle with getting information into the short format of text messages, maybe I'm less literate than kids who communicate fluently in that format?)


----------



## dwesterny

Tad said:


> I don't see any way which that makes them less literate. Maybe the style of their writing and reading is different than what was possessed by people who did read and write in the era of cursive writing and typewriters, but that is a matter of style, not capability (heck, I struggle with getting information into the short format of text messages, maybe I'm less literate than kids who communicate fluently in that format?)


I agree, not sure sentence length has as much to do with reading level as style.

Either way, this news report indicates changes that should increase reading levels.



> Times Roman Font Announces Shortage of Periods
> 
> by Steve Martin
> 
> 
> 
> Representatives of the popular Times Roman font recently announced a shortage of periods and have offered substitutes - such as inverted commas, exclamation marks, and semicolons - until the crisis is overcome by people such as yourself, who through creative management of surplus punctuation can perhaps allay the constant demand for periods, whose heavy usage in the last ten years (not only in English but in virtually every language in the world) is creating a burden on writers everywhere, thus generating a litany of comments, among them: "What the hell am I supposed to do without my periods? How am I going to write? Isn't this a terrible disaster? Are they crazy? Won't this just lead to misuse of other, less interesting punctuation???"
> 
> "Most vulnerable are writers who work in short, choppy sentences," said a spokesperson for Times Roman, who continued, "We are trying to remedy the situation and have suggested alternatives, like umlauts, since we have plenty of umlauts - and, in fact, have more umlauts than we could possible use in a lifetime! Don't forget, umlauts can really spice up a page with their delicate symmetry - resting often midway in a word, letters spilling on either side - and not only indicate the pronunciation of a word but also contribute to a writer's greater glory because they're fancy, not to mention that they even look like periods, indeed, are indistinguishable from periods, and will lead casual readers to believe that the article actually contains periods!"
> 
> Bobby Brainard, a writer living in an isolated cabin in Montana - who is, in fact, the only writer living in an isolated cabin in Montana who is not insane - is facing a dilemma typical of writers across the nation: "I have a sentence that has just got to be stopped; it is currently sixteen pages long and is edging out the front door and is now so lumbering I'm starting to worry that one period alone won't be enough - that I'll need at least two to finally kill it off - and if that doesn't work, I've ordered an elephant gun from Jessie's, and if I don't get some periods fast I'm going to have to use it..." The magazine International Hebrew has offered this emergency statement: "We currently have an oversupply of backwards periods and will be happy to send some to Mister Brainard or anyone else facing a crisis!" .period backwards the in slip you while moment a for way other the look to sentence the getting is trick only The
> 
> The general concern of writers is summed up by this brief telegram:
> 
> Period shortage mustn't continue stop
> 
> Stop-stoppage must come to a full stop stop
> 
> We must resolve it and stop the stoppage stop
> 
> Yours truly,
> 
> Tom Stoppard
> 
> Needless to say, there has been an increasing pressure on the ellipsis...
> 
> "I assure to you," said the spokesperson, "I assure you the ellipsis is not - repeat, is not - just three periods strung together, and, although certain writers have plundered the ellipsis for its dots, such dots are deeply inelegant and ineffective when used to stop a sentence! ¿An ellipsis point is too weak to stop a modern sentence, which would require at least two ellipsis points, leaving the third dot to stand alone pointlessly - and, indeed, two periods at the end of a sentence would look like a typo, comprende? And why is Times Roman so important? Why can't writers employ some of our other, lesser-used fonts, such as Goofy Deluxe, Namby Pamby Extra Narrow, or Gone Fishin'?"
> 
> In fact, there is movement toward alternate puncuation; consider the New Punctuation and Suicide Cult in Southern Texas, whose credo is "Why not try some new and different kinds of punctuation and then kill ourselves?" Notice how these knotty epigrams from Shakespeare are easily unravelled:
> 
> Every cloud engenders not a storm
> 
> Horatio, I am dead
> 
> Remembering the Albertus Extra Bold asterisk embargo of several years back, one hopes the crisis is solved quickly, because a life of exclamation marks, no matter how superficially exciting, is no life at all! There are, of course, many other fonts one could use if the crisis continues, but frankly, which would you rather be faced with - Namby Pamby Extra Narrow or the bosomy sexuality of Times Roman? The shortage itself may be a useful one, provided it's over quickly, for it has made at least this author appreciate and value his one spare period, and it is with great respect that I use it now.


----------



## lucca23v2

Tad said:


> I am absolutely positive that young people today do FAR more reading and writing than when I was in that age group. The reading may be in a video game, the writing may be in text messages, but a lot of kids used to do very little of either outside of school, and now they do.
> 
> I don't see any way which that makes them less literate. Maybe the style of their writing and reading is different than what was possessed by people who did read and write in the era of cursive writing and typewriters, but that is a matter of style, not capability (heck, I struggle with getting information into the short format of text messages, maybe I'm less literate than kids who communicate fluently in that format?)


Not sure about that. I know language changes and it has to "update" but seriously, t.h.o.t. and bae.. give me a break is it really that difficult to add another b to bae and make the word correct?. I get why you need to shorten some words.. but when it is used as common language where kids think it is correct and not a shortened or compounded.. then there is a problem.

Where are the vocabulary lessons.. where you had to write the word 50 tines and write it's meaning 50 tines so that you fully understood what the word means and how it is used? Kids these days have no idea the meaning of words. They use them but don't really grasp their full meaning. I think we need to go back to the old way of teaching. It seemed that kids were further ahead in studies when we had music.. art.. history...vocabulary.. etc.. JMO

Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk


----------



## Tad

tankyguy said:


> You may be interested in this TEDx talk.



Oh, I really dislike this talk. He is selling a point of view, make analogies with shallow supporting evidence the uses those to support other arguments, throws up correlation and implies causation, and a whole host of other tricks. 

When someone is so heavily selling me something, I pretty much automatically discount everything they say because I assume Im not smart enough to catch all of their tricks.

I put up with ten minutes of him and had to stop, because I was just getting too infuriated. I hate propaganda disguised as education!

Remember, just because you heard it on the internet, doesn't make it so :blink:

I'm not saying that his individual facts are wrong, or that I'd disagree with everything he says, but overall there is an awful lot of judging people by values of the past, and finding them wanting. Sorry, I don't know how to milk a cow by hand, I've never even tried to memorize epic poetry, and don't have a clue of how to properly nap a flint to make a blade, but I don't actually think those are failings.

There may be failings in the modern intellectual approach, but I don't think you can accurately diagnose them by applying college entrance standards of the 1940s.


----------



## dwesterny

Tad said:


> I put up with ten minutes of him and had to stop, because I was just getting too infuriated.


 Oh but did you put up with 10 minutes or did you get distracted after 10 minutes??:shocked:


----------



## Amaranthine

lucca23v2 said:


> Not sure about that. I know language changes and it has to "update" but seriously, t.h.o.t. and bae.. give me a break is it really that difficult to add another b to bae and make the word correct?. I get why you need to shorten some words.. but when it is used as common language where kids think it is correct and not a shortened or compounded.. then there is a problem.
> 
> Where are the vocabulary lessons.. where you had to write the word 50 tines and write it's meaning 50 tines so that you fully understood what the word means and how it is used? Kids these days have no idea the meaning of words. They use them but don't really grasp their full meaning. I think we need to go back to the old way of teaching. It seemed that kids were further ahead in studies when we had music.. art.. history...vocabulary.. etc.. JMO
> 
> Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk




I agree with this. I would say that kids probably do do more reading overall, but the type they're exposed to can be detrimental if they can't draw boundaries between more formal writing and casual/internet/text writing. It's not ALWAYS detrimental; I'm just saying that the possibility is there. There's certainly benefits to more exposure to reading as well.

I did my undergrad at a huge state school and ended up TAing for an introductory philosophy class. Some people just could not manage to write a fully professional essay; their grammar wasn't proper and they even sometimes used things that you should only find in a text. Email correspondence could be even worse. I'm not saying that this is all to blame on the type of material they've primarily been exposed to. Throughout history, there's always been people who can't manage to craft a decent essay for some reason or another. But the influence can be seen. 

I do agree that there's plenty of benefits to having such a wide range of information and entertainment available immediately (internet/on-demand, video games, etc)...but I think a few lines need to be drawn, especially when someone is growing up with it.

ETA: If anyone tries to argue that text-speak and extremely truncated forms of communication are the way of the future and will eventually replace the current system (professionally, in academia, literature, etc) just realize that I'll probably go hide under my bed for a few hours and maybe cry. Feel free to argue it. Just know that that will probably happen.


----------



## dwesterny

Amaranthine said:


> Some people just could not manage to write a fully professional essay; their grammar wasn't proper and they even sometimes used things that you should only find in a text.


To be fair I went to college back just as the internet was first really moving beyond AOL chat rooms and was really not used much at all. No texting at the time either. Some people submitted writing on that level. My brother went to school 4 years before I did, no internet at all at the time and he used to bring home photocopies of examples of writing a 3rd grader would be ashamed of. My brother went to the same school as you, I went to similar state universities.

I can also add that I once submitted writing that was pretty much unintelligible in college. I guess that might not actually be surprising for me. It was pretty terrible, I had been up all night doing um.. chemistry research and threw something together for the deadline in my afternoon class in the morning.


----------



## MsBrightside

Amaranthine said:


> ...ETA: If anyone tries to argue that text-speak and extremely truncated forms of communication are the way of the future and will eventually replace the current system (professionally, in academia, literature, etc) just realize that I'll probably go hide under my bed for a few hours and maybe cry. Feel free to argue it. Just know that that will probably happen.



Is there room for me under there? 

I agree completely with the idea that students today are no less intelligent than in the past and are perhaps even more so. Certainly they're better informed in many ways. However, I do think it would be sad if language styles were to change to the point that some of them may not even be capable of reading and fully comprehending great literature, histories, or philosophical and scientific works of the past. I also agree with the lecturer that reading those sorts of things may be stimulating to the intellect in a different way than many modern works. Anything that stretches our brains and makes us think is probably a good thing.


----------



## Amaranthine

tankyguy said:


> You may be interested in this TEDx talk.



I finally got around to watching this talk. I didn't dislike it as much as Tad, though I might be biased because of his use of the term "passion bannisters." I think a lot of Tad's first impression was correct; he's putting a lot of "data" out there without context. Transforming science into something popular, exciting, and memorable...which means really altering the context in which those "facts" are interpreted. Some TED talks are very interesting...but I don't think this is a problem exclusive to this talk; it's a risk inherent in the entire concept of trying to communicate research in a way that people will find engaging. 

But at the same time, even if his statistics and their application might be questionable, there were some intriguing points. For one, the idea that the entertainment industry can take advantage of human reward circuits as we gain greater psychological knowledge and greater technology. There's so many video games (and other things, but this comes to mind most strongly) that put a direct target on our reward systems. They set up goals with increasing difficulty and reward - something that can stimulate our dopaminergic pathways much more easily than doing something that requires more labor and hassle. 

I mean, I love video games. I feel like I experience this myself. Sure I could be studying or working on an essay a few weeks in advance so I feel accomplished when I do well. But I could also sit here and press this button 1000 times because there's a 2x gold multiplier and I can't NOT take advantage of it. And even as I sit there, contemplating the absurdity of feeling like I need to accumulate vast amounts of 100% useless game currency, I can't quite pull myself away...


----------



## dwesterny

Amaranthine said:


> But at the same time, even if his statistics and their application might be questionable, there were some intriguing points. For one, the idea that the entertainment industry can take advantage of human reward circuits as we gain greater psychological knowledge and greater technology. There's so many video games (and other things, but this comes to mind most strongly) that put a direct target on our reward systems. They set up goals with increasing difficulty and reward - something that can stimulate our dopaminergic pathways much more easily than doing something that requires more labor and hassle.
> 
> I mean, I love video games. I feel like I experience this myself. Sure I could be studying or working on an essay a few weeks in advance so I feel accomplished when I do well. But I could also sit here and press this button 1000 times because there's a 2x gold multiplier and I can't NOT take advantage of it. And even as I sit there, contemplating the absurdity of feeling like I need to accumulate vast amounts of 100% useless game currency, I can't quite pull myself away...



Evenings and weekends I work from home performing computer based pattern recognition analysis I get paid by the job. Basically I look at computer generated images and click and press buttons to classify them, every time I complete one I can bill XX dollars. I would often stop doing this to play video games. One day I realized essentially these are the exact same activity, I see a pixel pattern and I click the correct button for that pattern. Yet somehow when the pixels look like a dragon and the reward is an imaginary magic bracelet or something I find this same vigilance task and motor response more entertaining then when I get like money for it. Long story short, my brain sucks.


----------



## tankyguy

Amaranthine said:


> though I might be biased because of his use of the term "passion bannisters."



Please keep both hands on the passion banisters for your safety.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Trying to type this on my phone sucks, I hope it makes sense....

The whole appealing to people via commercials was developed relatively recently, but has been well studied and was actually a form of brainwashing and propaganda that has existed in a similar form since the world wars. The video game industries actually leverage what the gambling industries have known for a long time - how to click you in, keep you seated, and keep you paying. Playing on things like click bait and people's inability to be patient, as well as foundational concepts like playing as a form of self fulfillment.

Personally, that talk irritated the crap out of me. His tonal inflection was very sermonistic and set my teeth on edge, but the information was also bankrupt with no actual facts and extensive wiredrawing in order to hold up his points. 'In the past' - care to quote us a date? Are we talking twenty years ago? The potato famine type past? Or the past where Americans were dying of scurvy? Americans have only eaten 'well' for an incredibly short period of time on the historical level. 

In terms of his 'main' point - basic education has always been a method of preparing you to be the minimum required to be functioning citizens. For many years, rote memorization fulfilled that need for more basic and factory jobs. I don't necessarily think that sort of formal, staid, and rote teaching styles work best in many industries and jobs today. That's why the focus has become more teaching you how to learn, as opposed to teaching you a basic skill 100%. If you look at the technology field, programming languages sunset (a business term I will go into below) at about 3-5 years. Programmers need to be able to literally pick up and learn a whole new language every few years in order to stay employed. Rote memorization of C+ only gets them programming in C+ ...and they don't have the time to go back to school for years to learn a language that will be dead by the time they are out of school. So I think memorization has its place, but it has to be within the context of the subject and situation. 

In terms of acronyms...Keep in mind, this is coming from someone who loves reading and writing, so laziness deserves to be slapped. Upside the head. Preferably with a nice heavy wooden board. It hurts me almost physically when people say I use too many big words. (Oh, I am sowwy. Do I need to dumb myself down to youw grade 3 weading level?). If you use short forms because you can't spell the word or are too lazy I get irritated. Of if you truncate to the point your entire meaning is lost. 

But on the other hand, very formal and rigid writing styles no longer match the way we speak or communicate. Which can actually dull the message or cause confusion and anger. The English language is particularly prone to this because we have so many words that sound the same but are used differently, or are only used in a certain way. Just the other day I was explaining to one of our French speakers that 'incapable' in English DID mean you can't do something, but in the context of how we use it, it means that you SUCK. It has a very negative connotation. 

I also work in a relatively technical industry that is, to put it bluntly, made up of acronyms and corporate slang. This makes me far more frustrated than if someone says "Goodbye" instead of God Be With Ye, or "OK" instead of "Okay" - because keep in mind that at some point, those short forms became normal. So if someone says "Thx' they are forgiven. If say "Cn u prpr a deck 4 tmrws mting? Tx" not so much forgiveness.

TLDR:
People who can spell are cool, even if they choose to use shorthand. People who cannot, annoy me. 

Ultimately, I think that the intelligent and discerning will always avoid bad information, regardless of the accessibility of poor information. And I think the uninformed and stupid will always suck in bad information at the same rate. 80/20 rule of information doesn't necessarily change because it changed to 800/200 or even 8000/2000, as long as you have the education and intelligence to sort through the junk. 

It's important to teach people how propaganda, click bait, and the human mind works so that they can avoid...or choose to fall into the traps laid for them. (Like minecraft...One more block...one more block...one more block...)


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

tankyguy said:


> Please keep both hands on the passion banisters for your safety.


 
:bow::bow:


----------



## Tad

On a different topic that will probably annoy some people: http://www.salon.com/1999/06/15/brin_main/

(an old article, but it came to mind recently)


----------



## dwesterny

Tad said:


> On a different topic that will probably annoy some people: http://www.salon.com/1999/06/15/brin_main/
> 
> (an old article, but it came to mind recently)





> By contrast, the oppressed “rebels” in “Star Wars” have no recourse in law or markets or science or democracy. They can only choose sides in a civil war between two wings of the same genetically superior royal family.


I question the premise because it is not as if it is ever suggested that Luke Skywalker was looking to take over as an emperor replacement. Nor was as suggested was Darth Vader Hitler, the Emperor was.



> Lucas wants us to gush with warm feelings toward a cute blond little boy who will later grow up to murder the population of Earth many times over?


 Well I and in fact most people hated Anakin both as the seven year old and as the angst-ridden bitchy teen. [ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3IJQXwah0E"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3IJQXwah0E[/ame]Yeah, fuck Anakin.




> Who the heck nominated George Lucas to preach sick, popcorn morality at our children? If it’s “only a movie,” why is he working so hard to fill his films with this crap?


Pseudo-philosophical bullshit adds the feeling of depth. I wasn't just watching Ted "Theodore" Logan Kung-Fu fight Elrond. No. I was watching Ted fight Elrond while they talked about purpose and shit.


----------



## Wanderer

To be fair, Vader does find redemption at the very end. Redemption that means more when you see what he started as, rather than just how he ended up. If only it wasn't Lucas writing it...


----------



## MrSensible

I was taking another study break, listening to a little metal, and a thought occurred: I've never shared the Puritania/Do the Evolution mashup video I put together years ago. (At least I don't think I have?) 

Disclaimer: This video contains considerable amounts of "symphonic black metal" that may not be suitable for some viewers. It's admittedly pretty dark.

[ame]https://vimeo.com/40711116[/ame]

_A little background:_ I was bored one day and a friend had just introduced me to a black metal band called Dimmu Borgir. Although the style isn't typically my cup of tea, I listened to the album he suggested, which included Puritania. I couldn't really understand the lyrics all that well, so I checked them out online, and as I was reading them, I started thinking of that "Do the Evolution" video by Pearl Jam. So, out of curiosity, I decided to merge the two of them and see how well they synced up, by only matching the ending times together (no editing other than adding subtitles.) I was baffled by how well the video synced up with the song -- with parts in the video almost going right along with the lyrics. There are differences in the meanings therein I'm sure, but it was still crazy to see how well they went together -- at least on a more surface value.


----------



## dwesterny

Like dark side of the moon and the wizard of oz.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Side_of_the_Rainbow

I tried the Dark Side of the Moon and Wizard of Oz synchronizing thing back in college. It did kind of blow my mind. Though admittedly there may have been some substances involved that predisposed my mind to such effect.



> Synchronicity[edit]
> There are various approaches regarding when to start synchronizing The Dark Side of the Moon audio with the film. Several involve the MGM lion as the cue. Most suggest the third roar, while some prefer the second or first. Others suggest starting the album not immediately after the lion's roar, but after the lion fades to black—exactly when the film begins. Viewing recommendations include reducing the film's audio and using captions or subtitles to follow the dialogue and plot.[5]
> 
> The iconic dispersive prism of the album's cover purportedly reflects the movie's transition from black-and-white Kansas to Technicolor Oz; further examples include music changes at dramatic moments, and thematic alignments such as the scarecrow dance during "Brain Damage". This synergy effect has been described as an example of synchronicity, defined by the psychologist Carl Jung as a phenomenon in which coincidental events "seem related but are not explained by conventional mechanisms of causality."[6]
> 
> Detractors argue that the phenomenon is the result of the mind's tendency to think it recognizes patterns amid disorder by discarding data that does not fit.[7] Psychologists refer to this tendency as apophenia, or confirmation bias. In this theory, a Dark Side of the Rainbow enthusiast will focus on matching moments while ignoring the greater number of instances where the film and the album do not correspond.



By the way Seansible, your signature explains exactly how I got this info.

Oh look at this, you can just youtube this now no need to even sync it yourself.
[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=567Vc4udJWw"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=567Vc4udJWw[/ame]


----------



## MrSensible

dwesterny said:


> Like dark side of the moon and the wizard of oz.
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Side_of_the_Rainbow
> 
> I tried the Dark Side of the Moon and Wizard of Oz synchronizing thing back in college. It did kind of blow my mind. Though admittedly there may have been some substances involved that predisposed my mind to such effect.
> 
> 
> 
> By the way Seansible, your signature explains exactly how I got this info.
> 
> Oh look at this, you can just youtube this now no need to even sync it yourself.



Despite being a pretty big stoner in high school/my early college years (along with a *very brief *dabble of more powerful psychedelics), I amazingly never sat down and watched this. You hear references to it all the time but I don't know... it always seemed to fall off my radar. It's a shame I don't smoke anymore; I figure if you're going to experience something like this, you should do it right .

In any case, thanks for the link. Once I get the lion's share of this studying done, I might finally check it out.


----------



## dwesterny

I also have to say I liked the video that you made. Watched it all the way through, I was sad when she stepped on the ants. I doubt I could watch wizard of oz/dark side all the way without chemical assistance.


----------



## MrSensible

dwesterny said:


> I also have to say I liked the video that you made. Watched it all the way through, I was sad when she stepped on the ants. I doubt I could watch wizard of oz/dark side all the way without chemical assistance.



Glad to hear that. :happy: The part right after the ant hill is probably the one that I was the most blown away by. Quite a bit of coincidence there (even down to the explosion sound in the song syncing up to the explosion in the trenches.)


----------



## lucca23v2

Wasn't sure where to post this so.. I guess this is as good a place as any. 

Me today at work having issues with my top. (A boob specific FA happy place..lol)
Thankfully this blouse has ruffles that cover..  

View attachment rsz_me_2.jpg


View attachment rsz_me_3.jpg


----------



## tankyguy

This could be a useful tool around these parts:
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=1&v=Vh3RuV-xoZc[/ame]


----------



## MsBrightside

^Great post!

This is related in only the most tangential way, but I started playing QuizUp this summer, and the categories I happen to like best tend to be dominated by males. The game has a chat function, and I've been surprised by the number of men who want a random female to Skype with them after a couple rounds of trivia. (I know, it's the Internet, what do I expect, right? :doh Forget online dating sites--apparently geeky science, math, and history categories are where it's at for any woman who wants to be picked up!  The last guy who asked me was from Switzerland, and I probably missed out on a great opportunity for a long-distance relationship when I politely declined. 

Also, lucca, Hozay, or anyone else who might know the answer to this question: what does it mean if a man from Spain writes "jeje" followed by a winking emoji?? I'm curious, but a little bit afraid to find out. At least the French guy who contacted me was thoughtful enough to translate his comment into English--bonus points for you, sir! 

After reading some of the ways in which people here have been approached online, I should probably just be glad no one (so far) has sent me a pic of his manly parts. (This is not a request, BTW.)


----------



## lucca23v2

Lol.. Ms B... depending in the convo, and I woukd get her he was hitting on you because.. what man would be crazy enough not to hit on you... the "jeje" followed by a wink is along the lines of a man raising and lowering his eyebrows quickly... or a "Yeah you like this" type thing...

Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk


----------



## MsBrightside

lucca23v2 said:


> Lol.. Ms B... depending in the convo, and I woukd get her he was hitting on you because.. what man would be crazy enough not to hit on you... the "jeje" followed by a wink is along the lines of a man raising and lowering his eyebrows quickly... or a "Yeah you like this" type thing...


 
OK, thanks for the explanation--I'm thankful it's not something a lot worse!

I just thought it was a little strange that after answering a question about Scipio Africanus or Linnaeus, someone would feel a sudden urge to commence naughty Skyping. Honestly, I think that being female and having a pulse is enough to capture the interest of some men out there.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

MsBrightside said:


> OK, thanks for the explanation--I'm thankful it's not something a lot worse!
> 
> I just thought it was a little strange that after answering a question about Scipio Africanus or Linnaeus, someone would feel a sudden urge to commence naughty Skyping. Honestly, I think that being female and having a pulse is enough to capture the interest of some men out there.



Hey - some guys find intelligent women unbearably sexy!!! (and vice versa, cannot say i am immune to the charm of an intelligent bhm...

That being said - lol and rolleyes


----------



## Amaranthine

MsBrightside said:


> Honestly, I think that being female and having a pulse is enough to capture the interest of some men out there.



This is pretty accurate. When I was on a learning-oriented site, I would get random requests from (male) people wanting to be friends. This was also the case on a site for a speed typing game  Maybe they were just imagining something with finger dexterity in that case, I don't know. 



Xyantha Reborn said:


> Hey - some guys find intelligent women unbearably sexy!!! (and vice versa, cannot say i am immune to the charm of an intelligent bhm...



Sapiosexuality is definitely a thing. Intelligence always gets me; I'm not even immune to the charm of an intelligent non-bhm. Sometimes I don't understand people who are into intelligence, but make no effort to come off as smart themselves...but oh well.

Also, your user-title keeps catching my attention. I'm stuck studying free will/determinism...and whenever I look over towards your avatar...it's kind of like I have no choice in thinking about it more.


----------



## dwesterny

MsBrightside said:


> OK, thanks for the explanation--I'm thankful it's not something a lot worse!
> 
> I just thought it was a little strange that after answering a question about Scipio Africanus or Linnaeus, someone would feel a sudden urge to commence naughty Skyping. Honestly, I think that being female and having a pulse is enough to capture the interest of some men out there.


I don't know the AHA CPR guidelines note that detecting a pulse can be difficult for even trained medical professionals in some circumstances. As such I do not use a pulse for my female standards determination. Look, listen and feel for signs of respiration is a better criteria than pulse and reduces the occurence of false negatives. Also the feeling for respiration part can be fun!

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk


----------



## lucca23v2

Smart is very sexy. I can listen to some men talk all day. By the end of it we both need water.. him from talking so much.. me from drooling..

Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk


----------



## MsBrightside

You all are too funny! 



Amaranthine said:


> This is pretty accurate. When I was on a learning-oriented site, I would get random requests from (male) people wanting to be friends. This was also the case on a site for a speed typing game  Maybe they were just imagining something with finger dexterity in that case, I don't know.


 
I'm still laughing helplessly over the finger dexterity thing. I love the way _your_ mind works. But maybe we can save our naughty Skype session for another time--you know what people say about anticipation being the best part. 




> ..._Also, your user-title keeps catching my attention. I'm stuck studying free will/determinism...and whenever I look over towards your avatar...it's kind of like I have no choice in thinking about it more._


There is something about Xyantha's username and avatar that is very captivating. 



dwesterny said:


> I don't know the AHA CPR guidelines note that detecting a pulse can be difficult for even trained medical professionals in some circumstances. As such I do not use a pulse for my female standards determination. Look, listen and feel for signs of respiration is a better criteria than pulse and reduces the occurence of false negatives. Also the feeling for respiration part can be fun!


 
Your standards and logic are very impressive. I also like the way your mind works. Is there such a thing as group Skype?


----------



## Tad

MsBrightside said:


> I just thought it was a little strange that after answering a question about Scipio Africanus or Linnaeus, someone would feel a sudden urge to commence naughty Skyping.



Intelligent, educated, and willing to show it? That it would lead a guy into wanting to make contact does not surprise me, that he would think so blunt an approach was apt to work does. I mean come on guys, she's smart and thinks -- shouldn't you start by trying to engage her mind?




Xyantha Reborn said:


> Hey - some guys find intelligent women unbearably sexy!!!



Ummm, yes. In my younger days I had several intense crushes on women who hadn't really registered on my radar physically at first, but as I got to know their active, minds I fell for them hard. And flip side was that a few whom I was interested in initially, as I got to know them and saw their lack of interest in doing much thinking I suddenly found them far less attractive. Bodies can be sexy and all, but in the end you (hopefully) spend far more time engaged with your partner mentally than physically.

Signed;

-- a guy married to his university debating partner


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Amaranthine said:


> Also, your user-title keeps catching my attention. I'm stuck studying free will/determinism...and whenever I look over towards your avatar...it's kind of like I have no choice in thinking about it more.


 
Sorry lol!! It is kind of a nasty joke aimed at me (by me for me)...Goes to conversations between me and the hubby about what is within my control vs outside my control, and how much of life is just chance and waiting. I tend to be the sort of climb up the hill/batter myself at obstacles/continually improve myself until all obstacles crumble before me...(insert maniacal laugh). He tries to convince me to relax, have patience/all things happen for a reason and only when they are ready to, and that I will go as far in life as life has in store for me. 

So it's kind of a cheap shot/low blow at my own pride, kind of....

Edit: LOL Tad!!! Can't rep you again yet!


----------



## MsBrightside

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Sorry lol!! It is kind of a nasty joke aimed at me (by me for me)...Goes to conversations between me and the hubby about what is within my control vs outside my control, and how much of life is just chance and waiting. I tend to be the sort of climb up the hill/batter myself at obstacles/continually improve myself until all obstacles crumble before me...(insert maniacal laugh). He tries to convince me to relax, have patience/all things happen for a reason and only when they are ready to, and that I will go as far in life as life has in store for me.
> 
> So it's kind of a cheap shot/low blow at my own pride, kind of....
> 
> Edit: LOL Tad!!! Can't rep you again yet!


 
Interesting; and, in regard to your edit, I just got him, but he deserves more!


----------



## Amaranthine

MsBrightside said:


> I'm still laughing helplessly over the finger dexterity thing. I love the way _your_ mind works. But maybe we can save our naughty Skype session for another time--you know what people say about anticipation being the best part.



Screw anticipation. I've been trying to subtly make comments that would seduce you into naughty Skyping this whole time! I was kind of devastated when the fur suit/sour cream one didn't do it :really sad: 

Also...group Skype IS a thing. 



Xyantha Reborn said:


> Sorry lol!! It is kind of a nasty joke aimed at me (by me for me)...Goes to conversations between me and the hubby about what is within my control vs outside my control, and how much of life is just chance and waiting. I tend to be the sort of climb up the hill/batter myself at obstacles/continually improve myself until all obstacles crumble before me...(insert maniacal laugh). He tries to convince me to relax, have patience/all things happen for a reason and only when they are ready to, and *that I will go as far in life as life has in store for me. *



As much as I do try to keep things in perspective and only act on things in which I likely have some ability to impact the outcome...that particular part seems outrageously depressing. Relaxing is over-rated when you could be manically throwing effort into everything and taking on challenges. Maybe FFAs should just take over the world. Or form our own society with a collection of relaxed, potentially Daoist BHMs.

Also, believing in determinism IRL seems to have mostly shitty results. A few studies have shown that, after reading an article arguing for determinism, people were more willing to cheat or be assholes to other people. Or maybe philosophy just turns people into jerks.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Amaranthine said:


> Screw anticipation. I've been trying to subtly make comments that would seduce you into naughty Skyping this whole time! I was kind of devastated when the fur suit/sour cream one didn't do it :really sad:
> 
> Also...group Skype IS a thing.
> 
> 
> 
> As much as I do try to keep things in perspective and only act on things in which I likely have some ability to impact the outcome...that particular part seems outrageously depressing. Relaxing is over-rated when you could be manically throwing effort into everything and taking on challenges. Maybe FFAs should just take over the world. Or form our own society with a collection of relaxed, potentially Daoist BHMs.
> 
> Also, believing in determinism IRL seems to have mostly shitty results. A few studies have shown that, after reading an article arguing for determinism, people were more willing to cheat or be assholes to other people. Or maybe philosophy just turns people into jerks.


 
Yes - it is called our own dimensions teamspeak channel!!!

Sometimes I do take things too much to heart, and take too much accountability for things which are not fully within my control - and I have seen things just 'happen' that were not correlated to effort. At the same time though...just can't sit by. I think I am actually incapable of it...

And yes to FFAs taking over the world. Already on it .


----------



## dwesterny

And we just have to sit passively and do what you over-achieving driven maniacettes want in taking over the world?


Cool.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk


----------



## lucca23v2

We will sit and watch Brain take over the world...

Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

**desperately tries to rep other people so she can give you Animaniacs rep**


----------



## lucca23v2

this was my fave!

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x88Z5txBc7w[/ame]

and the faster it got.. this was me..

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akoGDaxjgGM[/ame]


----------



## Tad

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I tend to be the sort of climb up the hill/batter myself at obstacles/continually improve myself until all obstacles crumble before me...(insert maniacal laugh). He tries to convince me to relax, have patience/all things happen for a reason and only when they are ready to, and that I will go as far in life as life has in store for me.



I tend to kind of split the difference. I view life as a bit like surfing...you don't want to just sit there and let the waves move you where they will, but no matter how hard you paddle or whatever, you aren't going to get far if you can't catch a wave. Of course, if there are no waves around, maybe it is best to start paddling anyway....



Xyantha Reborn said:


> **desperately tries to rep other people so she can give you Animaniacs rep**



Got her for you! (and for me, and for everyone else with good taste  )

ETA: in the interest of accuracy, I should admit that we weren't actually debating _partners _until after we were dating. But we did meet in the debating club, and actually became couply at a debating tournament. And the fact that she was in debating (and was feisty, would call me on my crap, and was sharp, funny, and had a larger vocabulary than I did) was certainly part of the attraction. In her case the physical part was there from the start too.


----------



## Tad

This is just, erm, .... look, all I'm saying is FFA, make sure you keep an eye on his heart health, for your own sake .....

https://ca.news.yahoo.com/corpulent-canadian-suffers-fatal-heart-attack-squashes-wife-021130295.html


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

*blink blink*!


----------



## fat hiker

Tad said:


> This is just, erm, .... look, all I'm saying is FFA, make sure you keep an eye on his heart health, for your own sake .....
> 
> https://ca.news.yahoo.com/corpulent-canadian-suffers-fatal-heart-attack-squashes-wife-021130295.html



The photo of him in this article wouldn't suggest any BHM tendencies...

http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/n-s-co...co-resort-mourned-by-family-friends-1.2656048


----------



## Tad

fat hiker said:


> The photo of him in this article wouldn't suggest any BHM tendencies...



I couldn't find any pictures when I first saw that story. Very odd way to have initially reported it, given how he looks in that other story.


----------



## agouderia

fat hiker said:


> The photo of him in this article wouldn't suggest any BHM tendencies...



As always, the DailyFail is the best picture source for any type of international trash news:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...d-wife-63-just-two-days-daughter-married.html

Bottom line - this story is just another example of fat shaming anybody who dares have a BMI over 25.0 - and blaming no matter what on their weight. 

Judging from these pictures and given his age of 67, I would assume that even 90% of non-FFAs would describe his body-type as 'normal' or average, but definitely not 'overweight' let alone 'obese'.

BMI = now to turn normal into pathological.


----------



## lucca23v2

I am loving BBC America right now!! 

They are showing DUNE!!!!!!!!!!! the 1984 version with Sting!


----------



## dwesterny

Congratulations to Xy on her last day!!! Enjoy your time off.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Ty!! A night of industrious cleaning, and now i am ready to start my vaca!!


----------



## Yakatori

So far, this is just an idea for a joke. But it's sort of situational, just popped into my head as I was watching this:

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I_NYya-WWg[/ame]

What if, when I'm in some sort of situation where there's piano available, like at a cafe or even in the home of someone I don't know too well, and, in an almost-posh, real understated sort of way, I say something like "Would you mind...if I..." gesturing towards the bench? Then, with not too much fanfare, maybe just cinch up my pant legs or jacket sleeves for a couple seconds, I proceed to crudely banging on the keys like a total imbecile.

I have this feeling like that, maybe, that _could-be_ funny, in the right context, with the right mark. But it would still be something of a risk to correctly execute.


----------



## bayone

Yakatori said:


> I have this feeling like that, maybe, that _could-be_ funny, in the right context, with the right mark. But it would still be something of a risk to correctly execute.



I think it would better if, having played ineptly just long enough to make the onlookers uncomfortable, you suddenly shrugged, muttered "Ah, to hell with it!" and launched into a brilliant performance of some Rachmaninoff piece...

It's like Willy Wonka -- you have to have that somersault up your sleeve.


----------



## Yakatori

it's necessarily a skill to make an instrument sound any which way. A more skilled pianist would certainly be able to more efficiently make a particular tune more dissonant, discordant. Ironically-enough, a bit of practice with it could make for a more convincing, compelling mess of sound. Where a mark or bystander is made to wonder, _Oh-my God, has he actually broken it?!_


----------



## lucca23v2

Santa for FFAs lol....View attachment uploadfromtaptalk1451011192801.jpg


Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## tankyguy

Here's an anime suggestion.
A cute 5-minute-episode romantic comedy series premiered today called 'Ojisan to Marshmallow'.

It appears to be about a BHM nicknamed "Huge" Habahiro who absolutely loves marshmallows more than anything. He works in an office with Iori Wakabayashi, who despite being aloof, desperately tries to win Habahiro's affections, usually with marshmallows, but to her frustration he remains oblivious to her intentions.







Can be streamed legally here:
http://www.crunchyroll.com/ojisan-and-marshmallow


----------



## Yakatori

Is the (whole) episode actually 5 minutes? Or does it end right at that 2 minute point before they ask if you want to sign-up for that free-trial?


----------



## tankyguy

Yakatori said:


> Is the (whole) episode actually 5 minutes? Or does it end right at that 2 minute point before they ask if you want to sign-up for that free-trial?



From what I understand the episodes are only 3-4 minutes total.

On Crunchyroll, people without a membership have to wait a week after an episode airs to see it in full. A 14-day free trial membership gets around that. 

They used to just automatically give you a free month trial when you first visit the site. I guess they stopped. 

Someone uploaded it to youtube. It will probably get taken down before long. 
https://youtu.be/F-0JHrQzNro


----------



## bayone

tankyguy said:


> It appears to be about a BHM nicknamed "Huge" Habahiro who absolutely loves marshmallows more than anything. He works in an office with Iori Wakabayashi, who despite being aloof, desperately tries to win Habahiro's affections, usually with marshmallows, but to her frustration he remains oblivious to her intentions.



I like how everyone else in the office is just "oh, they're at it again."


----------



## tankyguy

bayone said:


> I like how everyone else in the office is just "oh, they're at it again."



I can't wait to see what she tries next. The series poster and the manga suggests she will have some competition to deal with.


----------



## dwesterny

Looking for for people to write more hai ku on Crumblings wall. DO IT! Please do not quote this post I hope to delete it before he logs in so he will just find a ton of hai ku on his wall!

Wall
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/member.php?u=10851

Haiku resources:
http://grammar.yourdictionary.com/style-and-usage/rules-for-writing-haiku.html
http://www.poetrysoup.com/haiku_syllable_counter/

Or just steal one from here instead of writing it!
http://www.haiku-poetry.org/fan-haiku.html


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Four times in my life me and another person have stared at each other and both sworn up and down we've met even though its been impossible after an investigation of our past. Its creepy!!!


----------



## dwesterny

dwesterny said:


> Looking for for people to write more hai ku on Crumblings wall. DO IT! Please do not quote this post I hope to delete it before he logs in so he will just find a ton of hai ku on his wall!
> 
> Wall
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/member.php?u=10851
> 
> Haiku resources:
> http://grammar.yourdictionary.com/style-and-usage/rules-for-writing-haiku.html
> http://www.poetrysoup.com/haiku_syllable_counter/
> 
> Or just steal one from here instead of writing it!
> http://www.haiku-poetry.org/fan-haiku.html


This!!! Steal one!
And no explanations, just post them. He must log in and find his wall inexplicably covered in hai ku. It is a moral imperative.

If you are wondering why post a hai ku on his wall it is because he posted this on his wall also listing hai ku as an interest in his profile. :


> Empty message box.
> To lift my heart: Write things here,
> so I can read them.



He wants a hai ku response.Help out and mysteriously fill it with them! As I said I hope to delete this before he logs back in so there will be no explanation as to why. ACT NOW!!!


----------



## dwesterny

dwesterny said:


> This!!! Steal one!
> And no explanations, just post them. He must log in and find his wall inexplicably covered in hai ku. It is a moral imperative.
> 
> If you are wondering why post a hai ku on his wall it is because he posted this on his wall also listing hai ku as an interest in his profile. :
> 
> 
> He wants a hai ku response.Help out and mysteriously fill it with them! As I said I hope to delete this before he logs back in so there will be no explanation as to why. ACT NOW!!!


My plan; epic fail
Perhaps a bad idea
But Xyantha I blame


----------



## lucca23v2

Ok.. I found this article today...Some of the jobs on this list I never even though about! nevermind that people get paid for them. lol...

IE: Golf ball diver: $100,000 a year, or sex toy tester: $39,000, Waterslide tester: $30,000, Papewr Towel Sniffer: $52,000....

http://www.z100.com/photos/articles/10-weird-jobs-that-pay-surprisingly-443616#/1/24781353


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

While driving to a competition today, I drove between two large hills. As I crested the top of the first, it looked like a lake of fog. As I descended, I actually went BELOW the fog.

The fog bank bottom was at the height of the trees, and gave an absolutely stunning, and unreal look, smooth above me like the surface of a lake that I was looking at from the bottom. It reminded me of those 'lakes' at the bottoms of oceans. Very, very cool.


----------



## ODFFA

I recently thought back to when Amaranthine posted a link to the Big Five personality test here, that some of us did. After doing the test myself (and not posting the results  ) I was looking up some things about neuroticism vs. emotional stability and came across this outstanding piece-of-art-icle: How To Be Emotionally Stable Without Getting Bored.

I've read it a few times over in the last few months and found myself going back to it today. I'm just really curious as to what other people make of it. I sometimes struggle with the "not getting bored" part, and to not equate emotional stability with numbness. As much work as I've been putting into curbing my neuroticism, I do find myself missing the intensity.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

My husband can exhibit neurotic tendancies about safety (compulsively turning the handle dozens of times, unplugging every outet in the house before we leave, visually and auditorily checking every component in the house before exiting)...

So i totally get what you mean about missing the intensity! It can be quite intense, at least in the way he displays it. 

I can have similar tendancies, and i found keeping myself soooooo busy helped. I have no time to be perfectionist about one thing, because it is time to do the next. I aso experience high levels of anxiety around my performance, so i try and have more than just my job as an outlet, or i become obsessively anxious (like i will have paranoid moments of omg, they are going to fire me, even as i complete awesome work). So for me, i have multiple outlets to vent the emotions and fend off boredom. 

As an intelligent person, i do not do well with boredom. My mind will spin and spin and spin, and all i do is turn all rhat energy inward, fooling others, making me stressed AND bored at the same time


----------



## Tad

ODFFA said:


> I recently thought back to when Amaranthine posted a link to the Big Five personality test here, that some of us did. After doing the test myself (and not posting the results  ) I was looking up some things about neuroticism vs. emotional stability and came across this outstanding piece-of-art-icle: How To Be Emotionally Stable Without Getting Bored.
> 
> I've read it a few times over in the last few months and found myself going back to it today. I'm just really curious as to what other people make of it. I sometimes struggle with the "not getting bored" part, and to not equate emotional stability with numbness. As much work as I've been putting into curbing my neuroticism, I do find myself missing the intensity.



It sounds pretty terrifying. I cant say that I can relate much from my life, Ive been fortunate never to have to deal with depression personally, but it I was really glad to read it to gain more understanding of other people. That sort of arc is something Ive always had a hard time understanding because it is so far from my own experiences, but I want to understand what others deal with more (including to some degree my wife and son). And honestly, going through that all may well make for a stronger and clearer sense of self than what most others will ever achieve, so while I am glad Ive never had to go through such pain, I admit some jealousy for what may be achieved at the other end of it all.


----------



## dwesterny

I just finding it a little disturbing that it's title suggests it's a how to or model for behavior and then goes on describe a period of near suicidal depression. The trick would be to get help and medications before you hit rock bottom. I understand that suffering and hardship can build character and widen perspective but self-inflicted suffering is unnecessary and courting or protecting your own misery is so self-destructive. Not that I don't do this myself a fair bit.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I took that to more of a dramatization of emotions than a biography. If it is literal, than no, i have never been that bad. I also read it with ODFFA's post in mind. I don't think that the posting, if taken literally, is just neurotic behaviour, there is other issues going on. But if identifying neurotic sympoms in that article, yes; emotionally i understand the violent swings; as an adult i experience them more rarely, but as a child and teen it was a rollercoaster ride.

The up and downswing of your emotion triggers chemicals; qnd just like people who seek a natura high by doing dangerous deeds, the person has to goto greater and greater lengths to feel alive. Knowing it and controlling it is hard; and can be incredibly boring until your brain chemistry tries to reset a bit. After experiencing vast highs and low, just 'existing' can make you feel even MORE depressed, because what is the point to not feeling?

(Anne of green gables; always feeling 500%, either high as the sky or in the depths of despair)


----------



## dwesterny

Well the upswing and downswing like any other behavior can be considered both results and causes of brain chemistry. This whole article sounds like it's describing biploar disorser rather than primary obsessive and or compulsive disorders. I get that the instructions aspect can be interpreted as artistic as Odffa said but I would classify it as a cautionary tale rather than a how to.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Oh, absolutely. Hitting rock bottom should never be a planned part of the process.


----------



## ODFFA

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I took that to more of a dramatization of emotions than a biography. If it is literal, than no, i have never been that bad. I also read it with ODFFA's post in mind. I don't think that the posting, if taken literally, is just neurotic behaviour, there is other issues going on. But if identifying neurotic sympoms in that article, yes; emotionally i understand the violent swings; as an adult i experience them more rarely, but as a child and teen it was a rollercoaster ride.
> 
> The up and downswing of your emotion triggers chemicals; qnd just like people who seek a natura high by doing dangerous deeds, the person has to goto greater and greater lengths to feel alive. Knowing it and controlling it is hard; and can be incredibly boring until your brain chemistry tries to reset a bit. After experiencing vast highs and low, just 'existing' can make you feel even MORE depressed, because what is the point to not feeling?
> 
> (Anne of green gables; always feeling 500%, either high as the sky or in the depths of despair)



Exactly this, is what I get from that article. And by missing the intensity, I really meant the natural highs, obviously. But I feel like, if your proclivity is to feel _everything _at 500% intensity, that'll count for the lows too. Your skin is just a little thinner than most, you pick up on every minute social cue and everything feels like a relatively big deal to you. That's what it takes to "love everything" with that much fervor. Your antennae must be out all the way.

And if you happen to ever experience any kind of trauma / betrayal / something that'd be on the "Seriously Shitty" end of the emotional pain scale for anyone.... that is even less fun at 500% intensity. Now, not everyone who feels things very keenly will have Bipolar Disorder or inevitably sink into a deep depression. If you're lucky enough, circumstantially and neurochemically, you can live out most / all of your life without knowing too many intense lows, and keep the Polyanna alive inside. Most Annes of Green Gables aren't that fortunate, but there are some.

Xyantha also perrrrfectly elucidated what happens when you start turning the intensity dial down on purpose, because you recognise the benefits of a more equilibrious way of being. That whole "What is the point of not (_really_) feeling" thing. It's probably not logical to equate contented stability with numbness, but after all that HD-feeling, I find it hard not to.



dwesterny said:


> Well the upswing and downswing like any other behavior can be considered both results and causes of brain chemistry. This whole article sounds like it's describing biploar disorser rather than primary obsessive and or compulsive disorders. I get that the instructions aspect can be interpreted as artistic as Odffa said but I would classify it as a cautionary tale rather than a how to.



I agree. And that's the one thing which does frustrate me about the article. It's not really a "how to" at all. But I think it is an "it's possible."

....but HOW, goddamn it?!


----------



## agouderia

ODFFA said:


> about neuroticism vs. emotional stability and came across this outstanding piece-of-art-icle: How To Be Emotionally Stable Without Getting Bored.
> 
> I've read it a few times over in the last few months and found myself going back to it today. I'm just really curious as to what other people make of it. I sometimes struggle with the "not getting bored" part[/SIZE][/SIZE], and to not equate emotional stability with numbness. As much work as I've been putting into curbing my neuroticism, I do find myself missing the intensity.





Xyantha Reborn said:


> As an intelligent person, i do not do well with boredom. My mind will spin and spin and spin, and all i do is turn all rhat energy inward, fooling others, making me stressed AND bored at the same time



Maybe I have bizarre thought patterns, but I don't really get the connection between emotional stability and boredom. They hinge on two very different things imo - one is indeed more emotional, hinging on hormones, brain chemistry, vagus nerve stimulation and the like. The other is more mental, about being intellectually occupied and fulfilled.

Maybe it's because I don't really know what boredom is. When I have to go about a boring and repetitive task, or watch a boring movie, sit in a boring meeting - my mind wanders off to more interesting places, leaving boredom behind. To maybe develop a new story, re-visit something I just learned, start all sort of hypothetical planning .... with the unfortunate result that I no longer concentrate on the boring task at hand and do particularly poorly in those. It's always been that way, like back in school, I'd overlook an entire page of fill-out exercises in text books because they were so repetitive and boring - resulting in a test D for a task I literally could do in my sleep. At least I wasn't bored though, but mentally nicely busy in my own fantasy world.


----------



## dwesterny

Emotional volatility, the opposite of stability, is the antithesis of boredom. I think that's the idea. There are myriad causes for such volatility I suspect, some the result of chemical repsonses conditioned to cause overload (conditioned hypersensitivity to dopamine release for example or other loop gain problems in chemical feedback) and some caused by transient or environmental factors. Again even "chemical" causes are often conditioned so maybe the conditioning can be changed without outside chemical intervention (happy pills) or the chemical intervention can be facilitated by behavioral change. I'll happily admit I take an antidepressant and am quite satisfied with it. It controls my anxiety, boosts my energy and has made me the shining example of mental health and stability that I am today (internet sarcasm)...


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I think I understand what you mean. I mean, many people cannot understand the connection between taste and needing to eat. Many people I know literally eat to fulfil a biological urge to survive. Although they can identify food which tastes "good" or "bad", they take zero delight in the food and the idea of eating more of a "good" food is alien to them. 
Food goes in your face so you don't die. Overeating? Craving food? Nah. 

My intellectual hunger, my social hunger, and my attention are all linked together. I cannot enjoy something that is not stimulating. Without my emotions being stimulated, I receive no gratification, no fulfillment. 

I live in the moment. I would love to daydream in those scenarios, but I feel aggression and irritation at the thing preventing me from emotional and intellectual fulfillment. I begrudge, with every molecule in my body, boredom. It is like watching seconds pass by in the hourglass of my life; _you are wasting my god damn time and I can't get it back. _I utterly resent the imposition on my life for something so trivial, because it prevents me from living. I combat this by ensuring I stay stimulated in my job, or else I would probably mouth off and get fired, because the people in charge are generally so, so incompetent. 

I receive no intellectual stimulation unless I am emotionally engaged. It is why I can memorize a novel but find things like history impossible to memorize. Why can't I remember when WWI started, or any important events? Because emotionally, I don't care. It also has zero social utility for me, so gets a double bump into the "meh" pile. Yet, I can literally memorize books I enjoy after one reading, or after travelling somewhere I enjoy, retrace my steps without so much as glancing at a map. I can memorize whole philosophies, comprehend entire branches of social sciences which I find interesting with no trouble.

Work? When I love what I do and am challenged? I am _unstoppable_. If I know what I am doing, but am not emotionally engaged? I literally want to put my head on the desk and beat it until I go unconscious, I am so bored. That lack of emotional stimulation means I know I am not operating at full capacity. Which creates anxiety; are they going to fire me???

It took years for me to realize 'my' 70% was other people's 150%. And that I needed to stop measuring my success with how challenged I was, and instead look at the bar as how low others had set it. Instead of being like "omg, I did 70 but I know I am capable of doing 100" I had to stop myself and say "yes...but everyone else can only do 50. You are a supastar, gold star for u! Now, take the extra two hours and keep your credentials in good standing on the company's dime, because even after you asked for work they said you were overloaded. Take all you can, give nothing back!"

And THAT makes me angry. Because why am I wasting my time doing something I am good at, but only uses 70% of my capacity? I am arrogant enough (re: other post  ) that I have realized I am capable of more, so why should I let stupid, ignorant, aggressive people lead me? Why should I waste my precious time listening to [you] when I could be at home engulfed in my menagerie and cuddling my hubby?

So then I become frustrated, wondering and looking for what I could do that might re-spark that fulfilment. And then I realized; I will never receive fulfilment from work alone. I needed to balance it with other things.

I LOVE cooking; therefore I excel. To engage my intellect, you need to engage my passion. Once I am passionate, my entire being is devoted to that interest. And someone cannot beat you at something you love...because if you love it, you are glad to see it bettered, regardless of who does it. My hubby tried for YEARS to get me to have a real hobby. When he realized I LOVED dog sport, he threw up his hands in defeat because he knew that I received mental, social, intellectual, and emotional stimulation from it. But, conversely, I receive a great deal of pride, social acknowledgement, and mental challenge from aspects of my job. 

So, by giving myself dozens of outlets, I never allow myself to feel failure in any one thing, only successes. 

---

Part of this stems from receiving abuse/trauma as a child, I suspect, at least in my cause. It blasts open all our barriers, and makes us emotionally overstimulated, constantly. We have to be 150% aware of everyone around us; how they feel, what their motivations might be, how and why they may act a certain way, because we need to be ready to JUMP at any second. Betrayal of trust; suddenly we peer more closely at those around us. Assessing. Reassessing. Have I upset them? Are they bored? What are they thinking?

I never knew when any family or friend might turn on me in rage, jealousy, or other emotions. I never knew who I could trust, when. I did not laugh or smile for years. When I finally realized I needed to break out, I overanalyzed each and every facial expression, body queue, and tonal inflection. If I asked a friend to hang out and they said no? They hated me. If they didn't invite me? They never actually wanted to be my friend, and I was an imposition. If I did something stupid? Everyone was always thinking about it. I basically beat myself up, watching little mental video clips of perceived social faux pas I had made, or how I had humiliated myself. If someone said something horrid to me? A tiny part of me wondered if I had deserved it.

As an adult who has truly challenged every faculty and succeeded, I have learned to leave behind those who I cannot trust, or at least limit their involvement in my life. I just do not have the time or capacity to deal with bullshite anymore, and so either I love you and you are "worthy" or I move on and you become an acquaintance. When I feel a strong kindred spirit with another I have learned to tell them, ask them if they feel the same way. If their response is YES then we equally contribute. If the answer is no; no harm, no foul, you are now an acquaintance, not a true 
bosom friend" . 

If my job doesn't pay enough or stimulate? I move on. etc etc. 



All this emotion causes exhaustion, and although you can turn it off somewhat, our brains are wired open to stimulus. So imagine feeling all of that strength of attachment to your friends. The passion you have about your job. The fascination you have with food.

Now, turn it all off. Acknowledge what you feel on an intellectual level only.

Yay...friends (but I am also an introvert so ehhhhh...friends...?
Job? Frickin waste of time that is boring and doesn't even pay me as much as it should. Could be done in 5 hours but they will fire me for leaving early so I sit and stare at my computer and get told I am a super star. 
Food? That stuff keeps me alive. So I can work another day. So I can pay for bowling to hang out with friends that, although I enjoy hanging out with, are also annoying. Oh, the joy of waking up every day to waste most of it at a job, to then spend time doing things that are also boring!

It takes passion and turns it into a grinding drone of things you "have to do" as opposed to things you "want to do". So balancing is an art, and if you are like me, you will have to compromise between allowing yourself joy and moderating your 'levels'. Like a dieter's dilemma. Like, going from a "gainer" diet of junkfood anytime, whenevertime, to iceberg lettuce salad with no veggies and no dressing. After a while, you realize there is SOME variety in salads, and cake is ok to have sometimes. But that first bit feels that way, even if it isn't true, because your brain is all agog for sugar and fat and salt and craves it so much that everything else tastes like ash. After it calms down, you relearn to appreciate other things...but you may still find the diet bland overall. 

If that makes sense 

Again, I don't feel that way as strongly now, but the struggle was real to me when I first started, and I remember those feelings strongly. Combined with my SAD? I spent most of every fall and spring in tears. I learned how to adapt, how to excel, and how not to self destruct, all without being bored. 

But 'tis hard!

Edit: added a pic of something i came across that resonated with me (not saying correct or to take it whole cloth, just felt "right" instinctually. Like omg, the feels!


----------



## MattB

Dammit, I can't rep you yet. 

Everything you just said applies exactly to me as well, just substitute the hobbies and passions. I don't often go very 'deep' into my Dims posts but needless to say this hits strikingly close to home. I haven't read the rest of the posts in the thread yet, but I will to get the full context. One thing I constantly have to remind myself, especially when dealing with others, is to not be so solipsistic. Adapting to others is so draining, but mandatory to make a living at this point. This is why I bury myself in my own pursuits, and subsequently bury Dims in my music posts. (I digress...)

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Angst; the newsletter!!


----------



## dwesterny

I've said before this sounds like hyperarousal or excessive sympathetic nervous activation. That is the fight or flight system kicking in too much. I have noticed this on a fair number of FFAs, seems like a trend among a certain type. Interestingly the opposite of this hyperarousal is parasympathetic activation which relates to relaxation. That system is actually refered to as feed or breed in some contextss (as opposed to fight or flight). So it actually could tie in to why food and sex are linked in some hyperarousal types, why seeing someone eat gets them sexually aroused because it helps trigger parasympathetic activation. Or I'm just full of shit. Probably that.


----------



## ODFFA

dwesterny said:


> ....why seeing someone eat gets them sexually aroused because it helps trigger parasympathetic activation. Or I'm just full of shit. Probably that.



Nono, there may well be something to this. Even in FFAs like myself who aren't necessarily aroused by seeing a BHM eat, but aroused by other associated factors. It's not too illogical to see how, if you're prone to hyperarousal, comfort feels/looks so good that it's downright seductive. Like, it could play into there being a reason why I often use terms such as 'luxuriously cuddly' and 'deliciously sexy'. *Parasympathetic happy sigh* :happy:


----------



## lille

dwesterny said:


> I've said before this sounds like hyperarousal or excessive sympathetic nervous activation. That is the fight or flight system kicking in too much. I have noticed this on a fair number of FFAs, seems like a trend among a certain type.


That's an interesting observation. I definitely tend towards hyperarrousal. I was even anxious as a kid. I have always said that my partner grounds me and relaxes me. Being able to just be with him, but especially touching him, is sort of like turning down the volume on everything.


----------



## lucca23v2

Xy, this is us today! Cross posted in What made you LOL today? 

View attachment stewie.jpg


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Can i smash the bottle on the table and shivv someone with the shards?!


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Can i smash the bottle on the table and shivv someone with the shards?!


Hell yes! This is Amer..... oh wait you are in Canada... lol.. sorry.. so not use to a Canadian expressing their anger like that..lol

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

We are allowed to think it, just not say it


----------



## Tad

lucca23v2 said:


> Hell yes! This is Amer..... oh wait you are in Canada... lol.. sorry.. so not use to a Canadian expressing their anger like that..lol



Don't confuse the politeness with niceness -- that is always the fatal mistake 

(I'm actually serious, I've been blown away by the number of actively nice people I've met in the US, while in Canada you often only get to interact with the politeness)


----------



## MattB

I'm an unpleasant Canadian.


----------



## lucca23v2

MattB said:


> I'm an unpleasant Canadian.


I don't think so.. From your posts at least, you seem honest and to the point.. (it is what it is) type of person. For me that is not unpleasant..I prefer to speak with people that are straight forward. 

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Yes Tad.

Here is the thing Lucca, in canadian workplaces it is considered abominably rude to be straightforward. Instead, if we had a problem with you, you would be treated with respect at face value, then brows would be raised/your behaviour discussed in private.

We can be quite nasty, but some people think our lack of reaction at the time means we are nice 

Edit: i try to be as straightforward as social comvention allows


----------



## MattB

I've always felt that was nastier than being straightforward. Passive-aggression is a default setting up here.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Yes!! I prefer aggressive/straightforward myself.

"You are being a bitch. Stop it."


----------



## lucca23v2

I was just wondering if anyone watches Angie Tribeca.. and if you do.. are you enjoying it?


----------



## lucca23v2

OK.. I know I have said this before, but DAMN IT!!!!! can someone do something about the plus-sized paysites and phoot shoots postings. You have to constantly search between their new postings to see if anyone posted anything new in a thread. It is to the point where I just go to User CP to check if anything new has been posted in the threads I follow because there are days where all the new postings are just the damned paysites. IT IS ANNOYING AS HELL!

Can I suggest that maybe the paysite have a secondary signup for membership and only those people who choose to sign up receive updates of the new postings.


----------



## Yakatori

Courtesy of *CleverBomb*: When you're on the main page, double click the bulletin board-looking icon next to Paysite Sections, and that will mark the contents of those sections as '_read_.'


----------



## agouderia

Yakatori said:


> Courtesy of *CleverBomb*: When you're on the main page, double click the bulletin board-looking icon next to Paysite Sections, and that will mark the contents of those sections as '_read_.'



The endless amount of hidden technical tricks almost nobody knows about on this website never ceases to baffle me.

Thank you CleverBomb & Yakatori for this valuable piece of advice!


----------



## Tad

Ditto on what Agouderia said!

Sadly I can't seem to make it work on my phone, but even doing this when I'm on the computer should thin down the number of paysite updates I see


----------



## lucca23v2

Cleverbomb and Yakatori.... i love you!!!!! This clears all of it up. Thank you!

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

You are the best!!


----------



## lucca23v2

So my boss purchased the wrong refill for the hand sanitizer dispenser we have. We left it in the back because we can still use it. I was running low on my personal hand sanitizer and the one that I have sitting at my desk.
I figured what the hell I will use the one in the back to refill it. I could not unscrew the cover, so I basically had to "milk" the contents of the package into my hand sanitizer bottle. It looked all kinds of wrong. There I am at the front desk "milking" one bottle into another. LMFAO

I took a video of it that I might post later.


[URL=http://tinypic.com/r/nf08pz/9]View My Video[/URL]


----------



## Tad

So this happened downtown today: 

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/sinkhole-rideau-street-downtown-ottawa-1.3621949

.... and I'm just pissed off because

a) The construction around there has been blocking off my favorite downtown bike rack for ages and I was looking forward to it being available again soon, and this is going to be another delay.

b) I can't come up with any good jokes tying this into politics (this happened just a few minutes walk from the Parliament buildings)



In short, I'm selfish, sarcastic, but not overly clever :doh:


----------



## lucca23v2

Has or is anyone watching the "Peoples Couch, Jr." show on cable? IT is the british edition. These kids are so adorable and precocious!


----------



## lucca23v2

So i had to run errands today.. i put on a gray tshirt...and i had on black biker shorts. I was covered the way i like.. you know.. the shirt hem hits just above the thights so that most of my ass and belly are covered. I should have been ok. But after 10 minutes of trying to leave the house... I changed into a pair os khaki shorts and then went out. I felt so naked with just the tshirt and shorts. So weird!!!! When i was younger i had no priblem going out un biker shorts and a tee.. now i feel like i am walking out in just my underwear if i wear them. Very strange.

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Crumbling

lucca23v2 said:


> Has or is anyone watching the "Peoples Couch, Jr." show on cable? IT is the british edition. These kids are so adorable and precocious!



Is that the US name for 'gogglebox' ... they film people watching primetime tv?

The kids one is worth watching ... cos funny kids... the regular one is pointless.

Why the hell would i watch people watching terrible shows?


----------



## lucca23v2

Crumbling said:


> Is that the US name for 'gogglebox' ... they film people watching primetime tv?
> 
> The kids one is worth watching ... cos funny kids... the regular one is pointless.
> 
> Why the hell would i watch people watching terrible shows?


Yes.. i found the kids adorable and they were funny as hell

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Crumbling

Thought this might have some appeal here... Lots of peely wally Scottish beach bodies.

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDZ60BABUwk"]linky[/ame]



Youtube should suggest the 'short' adverts if you want to see more of your favorites.

Pretty sure the man with the pineapple is in 'Roots and Fruits' by Kelvin Bridge in Glasgow.... and the band is Breakfast Muff.


----------



## Tad

Apparently I work in a Pokemon hot spot (and for anyone playing -- beware Pokevision, it is very distracting!) 

View attachment Capture.GIF


----------



## Tad

Basically linking this article for Loopy -- but also any other fat-loving, dog-loving Brits who happen by.

http://www.economist.com/blogs/econ...wned/n/n/nwl/n/n/NA/email&etear=dailydispatch


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Lmfao "dinky dog!"


----------



## lille

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Lmfao "dinky dog!"




I call Archer Dinky on a regular basis.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

This past month - weltschmerz. At least, as per sheldon cooper.

Though i find it borderline hilarious and vaguely frightening that the corporate AI google was like "velsmirch? Either you mean besmirch or weltschmerz".


----------



## ODFFA

Xyantha Reborn said:


> This past month - weltschmerz. At least, as per sheldon cooper.
> 
> Though i find it borderline hilarious and vaguely frightening that the corporate AI google was like "velsmirch? Either you mean besmirch or weltschmerz".



The Germans have a word for everything. And good luck with the weltschmertz. I've been all too familiar with that feeling myself.


----------



## Yakatori

Just found the German version of what I always thought of as a French expression: _Treppenwitz_


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

People do not seem to understand the concept of "draft". When someone says they are providing a rough draft for conversation purposes, responding with "this needs work before submission" is both redundant and insulting.

Because, duh, it is a rough draft. Like, the opposit of vetted and finalized.


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> People do not seem to understand the concept of "draft". When someone says they are providing a rough draft for conversation purposes, responding with "this needs work before submission" is both redundant and insulting.
> 
> Because, duh, it is a rough draft. Like, the opposit of vetted and finalized.


You know it seems that these days a "draft" seems a thing of the past. People are expectings things in final versions. I don't know when that happened or why it happened, but it sucks.



Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## CleverBomb

Spellcheck isn't enough? Who knew?


----------



## lucca23v2

lucca23v2 said:


> You know it seems that these days a "draft" seems a thing of the past. People are expecting things in final versions. I don't know when that happened or why it happened, but it sucks.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk





Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Why is it considered mainstream/normal/understandable for a man or woman to no longer find their significant other sexy if they gain 30,60,100 lbs...

...but FA are expected to be sexually ultrusitic and somehow override their sexual inclination for the same in weight loss?

I can understand if it ran both ways, but in does not appear to. 

Mind, not loving or supporting them less. Just a loss of sexual interest.


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Why is it considered mainstream/normal/understandable for a man or woman to no longer find their significant other sexy if they gain 30,60,100 lbs...
> 
> ...but FA are expected to be sexually ultrusitic and somehow override their sexual inclination for the same in weight loss?
> 
> I can understand if it ran both ways, but in does not appear to.
> 
> Mind, not loving or supporting them less. Just a loss of sexual interest.



Maybe partly because it's easier to frame or spin the desire for a partner to lose weight as a health concern and not just related to sexual attraction.


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Why is it considered mainstream/normal/understandable for a man or woman to no longer find their significant other sexy if they gain 30,60,100 lbs...
> 
> ...but FA are expected to be sexually ultrusitic and somehow override their sexual inclination for the same in weight loss?
> 
> I can understand if it ran both ways, but in does not appear to.
> 
> Mind, not loving or supporting them less. Just a loss of sexual interest.


This is the reason why I prefer to not to be in relationships with FAs. Not all FAs are like this.. but you have to realize that fat on the body is what attracts an FA. If a person chooses to be in a relationship with an FA and then decides to lose weight, there has to be a discussion as to how that decision will affect and then effect the relationship. That decision has to be made together. I am not saying a person shouldn't lose weight because of their partner, but if you love that person you have to take their feelings and desires into account as well.


Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

And lack of fat attracts non FA. No dif, really.

Assuming it is true; 
If you chose to be in a relationship with a Non FFa and gain weight, you should be aware that their attraction would fade...?

You can love someone and lose sexual attraction to them. One reason f/fa post here i agony is that they generally love their partner but no longer find them attractive.

My point is that people curl their lip at a "creepy ffa no longer digging her fat" but think its totally reasonable for a girl/guy to lose attaction because she went from 120 to 300 lbs. Because he never signed up for that.

But an F/FA who dates a heavier woman and she loses weight is subject to creepiness, condemnation, and a higher standard - even though he never signed up for that.

Just a double standard.

.


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> And lack of fat attracts non FA. No dif, really.
> 
> Assuming it is true;
> If you chose to be in a relationship with a Non FFa and gain weight, you should be aware that their attraction would fade...?
> 
> You can love someone and lose sexual attraction to them. One reason f/fa post here i agony is that they generally love their partner but no longer find them attractive.
> 
> My point is that people curl their lip at a "creepy ffa no longer digging her fat" but think its totally reasonable for a girl/guy to lose attaction because she went from 120 to 300 lbs. Because he never signed up for that.
> 
> But an F/FA who dates a heavier woman and she loses weight is subject to creepiness, condemnation, and a higher standard - even though he never signed up for that.
> 
> Just a double standard.
> 
> .


I don't think it is acceptable in either direction... it is just that this society doesn't view losing weight as a bad thing.. so they don't comprehend why someone would lose their attraction to someone who is losing weight.. but again they don't understand how someone can be attracted to a fat person.. so...

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> if they gain 30,60,100 lbs...



You know you are putting the comma in the wrong spot, right?

It should be 3,060,100 for three million, sixty thousand one hundred pounds. Which is a lot and really would be a concern.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Maybe its european for the decimal.

Spaces are overrated.


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Maybe its european for the decimal.
> 
> Spaces are overrated.



Yeahspaceskindofsuck.That'swherethemonstershide.OrwhereyoufindEsthereatingasandwichnaked.


----------



## dwesterny

My friend adopted an orphan kitty. He's still being bottle fed he's so young. We are looking for name sugestions. I suggested Marquis de Carabas. Any other ideas? 

View attachment IMG_3758.jpg


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Ohmergawd. Well if we are going title themed...

Captaij Capybara!! It's like naming your cat shark. "Gotta go home and feed the Capybara...what??"


----------



## agouderia

How about Archimedes .... as it looks like he has just discovered the formula for calculating the volume of his ball...


----------



## dwesterny

agouderia said:


> How about Archimedes .... as it looks like he has just discovered the formula for calculating the volume of his ball...



I like it, he does look contemplative.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I wore an older perscription of contacts because i couldn't find my new ones.

I feel like i have plastic wrap over my eyes; everything is just a wee bit fuzzy


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I wore an older perscription of contacts because i couldn't find my new ones.
> 
> I feel like i have plastic wrap over my eyes; everything is just a wee bit fuzzy



Squint harder!


If I had a nickel for every time I've had a woman get all upset about the plastic wrap I covered her face with. They kick and scratch and make such a fuss.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

dwesterny said:


> Squint harder!
> 
> 
> If I had a nickel for every time I've had a woman get all upset about the plastic wrap I covered her face with. They kick and scratch and make such a fuss.




Because condoms don't go on the face, you tool! Stop getting "magnum" sized and using them as blow up balloons. (Yes young girls do that)


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Stop getting "magnum" sized


I may as well try and fit in an extra small shirt while I'm at it then.


----------



## fat hiker

Tad said:


> Apparently I work in a Pokemon hot spot (and for anyone playing -- beware Pokevision, it is very distracting!)



Between all the geeks who work for Natural Resources on Booth Street, and all the Chinese/Vietnamese-Canadian geeks who live in Chinatown on Preston Street, that concentration of Pokemon is not surprising!


----------



## fat hiker

dwesterny said:


> I may as well try and fit in an extra small shirt while I'm at it then.



If it's one of those Underarmour stretch shirts, it might just fit...

One of our local discount chains, Giant Tiger, now has an in-house line of Underarmour knock-offs - but of quite good quality, considering the low $14 price. I picked up a couple to try on, and the first one seemed rather snug... turned out it was a medium, despite being on an XXL hanger - and really long, too. So, just for the hell of it, I went out and picked up a small - and, yes, it stretched enough to fit too! And was long enough to tuck into my shorts, if I wanted to. The material is thin enough, and smooth enough, that wearing it wasn't unpleasant... so if I ever want truly skintight wicking undershirts for something, I know what I'll buy...


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Suck it, Dwes! My pronounciation of bagel and pasta is classically Canadian, not weird!!

http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20160921-where-does-canadas-accent-come-from


----------



## Crumbling

dwesterny said:


> My friend adopted an orphan kitty. He's still being bottle fed he's so young. We are looking for name sugestions. I suggested Marquis de Carabas. Any other ideas?



Micheal Q. Hat.

But he goes by Mike....


----------



## Tad

I've developed a new game to play. Wearing a dress shirt, unlock my phone, place it in the chest pocket with the screen facing inward, and walk for a minute. Then take it out and see what screen the movement of my moob has navigated to. (fortunately so far no phone calls, that could be hard to explain ... )


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Moob calling will become the new fad!


----------



## tankyguy

I enjoy playing city building games quite a bit, but occasionally one has to reflect on what would be the real world implications of simple choices you make in game for practicality's sake.

I had a prime bit of real estate in the city core that I wanted to develop but the problem was I had built a cemetery there early on. It turns out the game will not let you demolish or move a cemetery that has people interred there. 

So obviously, they had to be moved.
But I didn't want them clogging up the rest of my cemeteries.

So, I build a dirt road that lead away from town, far off into the wilderness. At the end I build five or six crematoriums.

Day and night the hearses ran, thanks to me temporarily increasing their budget so they'd work harder.

Soon the cemetery was cleared out.
I had it bulldozed and built a soccer stadium and children's Bouncy Castle on the spot. Neighborhood happiness increased, land values went up and the income from the first soccer match mostly paid back the costs of the crematoriums and wages.


----------



## dwesterny

Maybe a haunted bouncy castle...


----------



## Yakatori

In the Victorian era, rural cemeteries became increasingly popular, and soon started to be designed and utilized more as we might look at the conventional public spaces of our own time (public parks, nature conservatories, museums, _ect_...). And so this precipitated their being set in city and town centers, to be more routinely accessible, which therefore supported their later conversion into many of the the most notable city parks we know of today, e.g. (in NYC) Washington Square Park, Madison Square Park, Union Square Park, Bryant Part, _ect _. were all once potter's fields wherein some tens of thousands of people, at least, were first buried.


----------



## tankyguy

The game, btw, is Cities: Skylines.
I've worked out an approach that's pretty ruthless but has proven effective.

Early on I literally don't build any medical infrastructure until so many people are sick and dying that new ones refuse to move to the city.

You can get away with it as long as your inflow of population is high enough. 

The downside to this approach, aside from rapidly filling graveyards, is that it prevents my population from becoming educated, because newcomers are always uneducated and existing citizens die before they go through the school system.

So, for the first 20 years or so of the simulation, I pretty much have a population who toil in low end industrial jobs with incredible turnover and die as young adults in slums. 

On their backs I build a huge surplus of money to fund an enclave population of educated, healthy office workers and slowly expand out their territory and gentrify the old factory districts and ramshackle tenements piecemeal.

It's not exactly a unique approach but I can't argue with results. It has worked out amazingly well and the only thing keeping me from developing the entire play area fully is that I still need people to work the jobs in waste management, retail and the like.
At least until I install a mod that adds a robot work force.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

tankyguy said:


> So, for the first 20 years or so of the simulation, I pretty much have a population who toil in low end industrial jobs with incredible turnover and die as young adults in slums.
> 
> On their backs I build a huge surplus of money to fund an enclave population of educated, healthy office workers and slowly expand out their territory and gentrify the old factory districts and ramshackle tenements piecemeal.
> 
> It's not exactly a unique approach but I can't argue with results. It has worked out amazingly well and the only thing keeping me from developing the entire play area fully is that I still need people to work the jobs in waste management, retail and the like.
> At least until I install a mod that adds a robot work force.



Congratulations: you have just re-invented globalization! :bow:


----------



## Dromond

tankyguy said:


> The game, btw, is Cities: Skylines. *snip*



I've been curious about that game, as I enjoy city simulators.



Dr. Feelgood said:


> Congratulations: you have just re-invented globalization! :bow:



Hah!


----------



## tankyguy

Dromond said:


> I've been curious about that game, as I enjoy city simulators.



It's quite good. Generally regarded as the best in the genre at the moment. It's deeper and less silly than the newest SimCity while having the best features of it and the unrelated Cities XL series combined.

My only issue with it is, despite all the mods for it, the traffic system is apparently hard coded in and they decided to prohibit right turns on red lights (I guess that's the law in Europe?) so I ran into a lot of problems when I first put down roads under the assumption that would be allowed.


----------



## Cobra Verde

I know everyone here's wondering what to get me for Festivus, but rather than a different gift from everyone I figure you can all just chip in to get me a Noam Chomsky garden gnome for the low, low price of $195!!










It's a gnome of Noam! Once I put this in my front yard everyone in my neighborhood will know that I'm the type of zany rascal who enjoys getting his homonym on. You're welcome.


----------



## fat hiker

tankyguy said:


> It's quite good. Generally regarded as the best in the genre at the moment. It's deeper and less silly than the newest SimCity while having the best features of it and the unrelated Cities XL series combined.
> 
> My only issue with it is, despite all the mods for it, the traffic system is apparently hard coded in and they decided to prohibit right turns on red lights (I guess that's the law in Europe?) so I ran into a lot of problems when I first put down roads under the assumption that would be allowed.



New York City and central Montreal also forbid right turns on red lights; and you're right, outside of Canada and the USA, the concept is unknown. It was introduced in the USA during the oil shocks of the early 1970s, as a way to save on gas, by reducing idling at intersections.


----------



## dwesterny

Can you destroy your cities? Create a natural disaster or have them bombed?


----------



## tankyguy

dwesterny said:


> Can you destroy your cities? Create a natural disaster or have them bombed?



Not in the core game but as part of a larger DLC that involves public shelters, warning systems and emergency escape route planning.

Aside from that. someone's probably built a free mod that lets you unleash tornadoes and earthquakes.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Cobra Verde said:


> It's a gnome of Noam! Once I put this in my front yard everyone in my neighborhood will know that I'm the type of zany rascal who enjoys getting his homonym on.



Unless you live in a college town, in which case Noam will disappear overnight to take up residence in someone's dorm room...


----------



## tankyguy

Dr. Feelgood said:


> Unless you live in a college town, in which case Noam will disappear overnight to take up residence in someone's dorm room...



Right next to a tiny cement cherub Marx, whizzing into a pond.


----------



## Cobra Verde

Dr. Feelgood said:


> Unless you live in a college town, in which case Noam will disappear overnight to take up residence in someone's dorm room...


Just Boston. I wouldn't worry about it, it's not a big college town.


----------



## dwesterny

Had a weird dream last night. Someone was using my shower when I was getting ready for work so I went out to find another shower and I ended up in some large industrial building where I showered but I didn't realize until i started walking home that I had unknowingly crossed the border to shower in Canada. I started walking back to the border but was worried because I had no passport and for some reason everyone was hitting hockey pucks at me and I had to dodge them.


----------



## Tad

What did Xy and Melian do to you on your last trip to Toronto?


----------



## dwesterny

Tad said:


> What did Xy and Melian do to you on your last trip to Toronto?



Well in my dream I would have been in Fort Erie which is like 3 blocks and a small river away from where I live.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Comon! We only tortured him a LITTLE!!!


----------



## Tad

dwesterny said:


> Well in my dream I would have been in Fort Erie which is like 3 blocks and a small river away from where I live.




After a week of soaking stuff at the new job I have no focus left -- your post led me to look up Fort Eerie, which led me to the the history of the Neutral and Huron/Wendat nations, the proclamation of 1763, the french-indian war and the broader seven years war .... with side exercusions to the amusement park that was in Crystal Beach for over a 100 years and used to sometimes log 20 000 people a day and to the Welland Canal. :doh:


----------



## Tad

Me at 1pm: Meeting a friend for all-you-can-eat Indian food at lunch on a Monday was brilliant, why don't I start more weeks this way?

Me at: 3pm: It is taking every ounce of focus that I have just to stay awake, actually getting anything done seems highly improbable. This is why I don't normally have such a heavy lunch.

Me at 5pm: It still feels like there is a ball of lead in my stomach, and I'm going to be eating supper in an hour. What have I done?!?

Inevitably me about 10am tomorrow: I wish I was going out for lunch again today, that was amazing yesterday!

In short, these days I find stuffing myself is much more fun in the future and past tenses than in the present.


----------



## MattB

I'm so sick of generic Ikea crap. I'm never shopping there again.

...

Hej! That shelf unit at Ikea I wanted is on sale!


----------



## ODFFA

Got a new job 2 weeks ago and it's been going surprisingly well! Also, I managed to get out of an outing with all my least favourite people and have spent the day relaxing with my favourite person instead. I really needed that :happy:


----------



## ODFFA

Oh, I thought this was the happy thread. Oh well


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

ODFFA said:


> Oh, I thought this was the happy thread. Oh well



Well, this IS the "any way you want it" thread. So if you've got it the way you want it, and you're happy, this ought to _count_ as the happy thread.
.


----------



## ODFFA

Finally finished her

View attachment AnneCrossStitch - Copy.jpg


----------



## Tad

Cool, Odette!


----------



## agouderia

Very cool Odette - especially with the raven. (... picking up on those centuries old witch rumors....  )


----------



## Jeannie

Very nice needlework, Odette!


----------



## Tad

Do you ever have to bite back the temptation to tell people about this community, or FA/FFA in general?

Was just in a gaming store over lunch, and the guy helping me was an adorable BHM (i.e. if you like your bhm cute and cuddly you'd have a high chance of appreciating him, if you prefer the more physically imposing kind with lots of height and broad shoulders then maybe less so). No rings on his fingers, not that that always means anything; he could be in an awesome long term relationship for all I know.

But the whole time I was thinking "I know some FFA on-line who would think you are beyond lovely looking, I bet you'd like places like Dimensions, if you haven't discovered them on your own already" Didn't say anything, just bought my cards and left like a nice polite Canadian who would never intrude on anyone's personal comfort area. But part of me couldn't help but feel I was being a jerk-by-inaction, you know?


----------



## squeezablysoft

Yes, I've definitely wanted to tell ppl about Dims, but I don't because I'm pretty sure they'd just think the whole idea of FAness (and consequently me for being into it) was weird, if not straight up perverted. But then most of the ppl I know in real life are the type of uber conservatives who are still afraid of teh gayz and think wimmen should just shut up and do as their patriarch (father/husband) commands.


----------



## fat hiker

Tad said:


> Do you ever have to bite back the temptation to tell people about this community, or FA/FFA in general?
> 
> Was just in a gaming store over lunch, and the guy helping me was an adorable BHM (i.e. if you like your bhm cute and cuddly you'd have a high chance of appreciating him, if you prefer the more physically imposing kind with lots of height and broad shoulders then maybe less so). No rings on his fingers, not that that always means anything; he could be in an awesome long term relationship for all I know.
> 
> But the whole time I was thinking "I know some FFA on-line who would think you are beyond lovely looking, I bet you'd like places like Dimensions, if you haven't discovered them on your own already" Didn't say anything, just bought my cards and left like a nice polite Canadian who would never intrude on anyone's personal comfort area. But part of me couldn't help but feel I was being a jerk-by-inaction, you know?



What we need are some sort of Dims drop-off cards - you'd just casually leave one behind where the guy who needs the message would find it.


----------



## agouderia

I second the BHM/FFA-Dims drop off cards idea!

Those cards might seem cheesy and outdated - but I honestly have found some of the best things (not a website, more practical things like restaurants, specialized stores, courses, etc.) or long needed items with their help.

Anybody have any design ideas? Like an eating, drinking Falstaff as logo???


----------



## squeezablysoft

Great idea with the cards! I think it'd be cool also if we had some way of identifying each other in public should we happen to run into a fellow Dimmer, like the different color coded handkerchiefs that were popular with some LGBT folks awhile back or something like that.


----------



## Tad

I can sometimes guess based on who people are with or who they are looking at, but I almost would like a gesture hand sign, so you could meet someones eye and give the sign that you understand and agree.


----------



## Crumbling

Tad said:


> I can sometimes guess based on who people are with or who they are looking at, but I almost would like a gesture hand sign, so you could meet someones eye and give the sign that you understand and agree.



I thought i sorted this out in a post years ago....



Crumbling said:


> I think I'm pretty easy to Identify as a BHM, What with being this big fat man and all.
> 
> but if we need something wearable...
> 
> How about pants.
> 
> Anyone wearing the 'Plus Size Trousers of BHMness' will be instantly recognisable to both other BHM and FFA.
> 
> The FFA may or may not wish to go with the whole big pants thing so I suggest a set of code phrases.
> 
> for example an FFA upon seeing a man wearing the signature over sized trousers would approach with the phrase
> 
> _"How would a girl like me get into a pair of pants like that?"_
> 
> thus letting the wearer know that she is an FFA.
> 
> were a BHM to find himself out without his pants... He could readily recognise another pants wearing BHM and use the phrase
> 
> _"Where would a guy get a pair of pants that big"_
> 
> to identify himself.
> 
> This would require no-one to buy anything they didn't already have or need..
> 
> Those who aspire to BHMhood would also wear Large Pants and aspire to grow into them.
> 
> What do you Guys think?
> 
> S.


----------

