# Does anyone here know men who are secretly attracted to fatties but won't admit it?



## FatBarbieDoll (Sep 11, 2015)

I honestly wonder how common it really is for men to be physically attracted to women my size -- conventionally attractive men who many others would want.

I was inspired to make this post after reading a recent comment by a member who is in pretty good shape and has a very fat wife.

He said that he repressed his desire for BBWs for years.

I can't help but ask myself if he's the exception to the rule, or if there are many, many more good-looking men out there who like large women than we are led to believe.

Do any of you folks happen to know FAs who are in denial/in the closet about their preferences and perhaps even openly bash fatties but strongly desire them deep down?

I am not referring to feeders or those who chase big women to satisfy a fetish but only men who prefer fat partners.


----------



## loopytheone (Sep 11, 2015)

Closet FAs exist, yes. Though there are plenty of people who are open about their preferences as well.


----------



## landshark (Sep 11, 2015)

I used to be one of those guys. In fact I'm guessing I'm the guy OP was talking about. And something she also mentioned was even making fun of fat girls, and that's something I did in high school in an effort to further suppress my attraction. 

I don't think I'm an exception. I don't know how many other guys are like me but I'm confident they're out there. 

Also, good discriminator between those who have a fetish and those who are genuinely attracted to fat women. I think one wY to tell the difference is someone who is legitimately attracted will e proud to be seen in public whereas the guy who has a fetish may be a little embarrassed or nervous to be seen by one of his friends. I did go through a process myself, though so who knows. Getting past the point where I cared what others thought was one of the most liberating days of my life.


----------



## bbwvixen1 (Sep 11, 2015)

I know and have dated a few. And they'd be embarrassed of you in public but would be all over your fat rolls in private... 2 of them went on to marry skinny women, I'm still close with the one and he cheats on his wife with women bigger than me


----------



## landshark (Sep 11, 2015)

bbwvixen1 said:


> I know and have dated a few. And they'd be embarrassed of you in public but would be all over your fat rolls in private... 2 of them went on to marry skinny women, I'm still close with the one and he cheats on his wife with women bigger than me



^ See that's what I'm talking about when I described those with a fetish. While I went through a growing phase where I was a little nervous about being out/about with my BBW partners, I eventually got past it. Another indicator of a guy with a fetish is after he gets his BBW fix, he dates/pursues lean/fit/athletic girls again for a while.


----------



## FatBarbieDoll (Sep 11, 2015)

happily_married said:


> I used to be one of those guys. In fact I'm guessing I'm the guy OP was talking about. And something she also mentioned was even making fun of fat girls, and that's something I did in high school in an effort to further suppress my attraction.
> 
> I don't think I'm an exception. I don't know how any other guys are like me but I'm confident there out there.
> 
> Also, good discriminator between those who have a fetish and those who are genuinely attracted to fat women. I think one wY to tell the difference is someone who is legitimately attracted will e proud to be seen in public whereas the guy who has a fetish may be a little embarrassed or nervous to be seen by one of his friends. I did go through a process myself, though so who knows. Getting past the point where I cared what others thought was one of the most liberating days of my life.



Yes, I was referring to you.

What were you so afraid of if you openly dated a fat woman all those years ago? It's not like you admitted you were into non-human animals and wanted to marry a horse -- you just happen to like women who are large. So what?


----------



## landshark (Sep 11, 2015)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> Yes, I was referring to you.
> 
> What were you so afraid of if you openly dated a fat woman all those years ago? It's not like you admitted you were into non-human animals and wanted to marry a horse -- you just happen to like women who are large. So what?



I know, right? Looking back I sometimes ask myself that. It boils down to maturity (or lack thereof). I was image conscious and on the heals of a toxic relationship falling apart. Also most of my friends were fit like me, and while I think they would have accepted my preference (and actually did when I met my wife) I still felt self-induced pressure to pursue the kind of women they did. 

It may not make a lot of sense. What can I say? I'm glad I grew past that. 

I actually started writing a story I posted in the library here. I've been lazy and haven't finished it yet, though I have every intention of getting it done. Anyway it's a semi-true story about that time in my life that really sort of spells out my thought processes at the time. 

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=111459


----------



## FatBarbieDoll (Sep 11, 2015)

happily_married said:


> I know, right? Looking back I sometimes ask myself that. It boils down to maturity (or lack thereof). I was image conscious and on the heals of a toxic relationship falling apart. Also most of my friends were fit like me, and while I think they would have accepted my preference (and actually did when I met my wife) I still felt self-induced pressure to pursue the kind of women they did.
> 
> It may not make a lot of sense. What can I say? I'm glad I grew past that.
> 
> ...



How did you...will yourself to date thin women? Weren't you secretly unhappy? How did you go day after day after day being with a thin woman and her not knowing you didn't find her appealing?


----------



## landshark (Sep 11, 2015)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> How did you...will yourself to date thin women? Weren't you secretly unhappy? How did you go day after day after day being with a thin woman and her not knowing you didn't find her appealing?



It's not that I never found thin women appealing. I did and still do. But while I have an appreciation for every body type I have an obvious preference for one specific one. 

As for how I went day after day being with thin women, I'd compare it to a woman dating a "bad boy" hoping to change him. Except I was dating a "hot" girl hoping to eventually not find fat ones appealing. And it's not like it was always a horrible daily grind. But I was definitely not in my element. I scoped out bigger girls. My toxic GF sometimes made it a point to make fun of them (a grown woman mind you :doh: ) and a lot of times I'd play along with her all the while thinking how pretty they were but all the while hoping I would one day not feel that way about them. During this time I liked fat girls but I desperately wished I didn't. I figured if I dated a "hot" girl long enough I'd be cured.


----------



## Blockierer (Sep 12, 2015)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> I honestly wonder how common it really is for men to be physically attracted to women my size -- conventionally attractive men who many others would want.
> 
> ....


A lot of men are attracted to fat women. The forum "Plus-Size Paysites & Photo Shoots - Censored" always has the most visitors.  Some of these men are closet FAs, some of them are open about it. FAs are as different as men who are into skinny women.


----------



## FatBarbieDoll (Sep 12, 2015)

happily_married said:


> It's not that I never found thin women appealing. I did and still do. But while I have an appreciation for every body type I have an obvious preference for one specific one.
> 
> As for how I went day after day being with thin women, I'd compare it to a woman dating a "bad boy" hoping to change him. Except I was dating a "hot" girl hoping to eventually not find fat ones appealing. And it's not like it was always a horrible daily grind. But I was definitely not in my element. I scoped out bigger girls. My toxic GF sometimes made it a point to make fun of them (a grown woman mind you :doh: ) and a lot of times I'd play along with her all the while thinking how pretty they were but all the while hoping I would one day not feel that way about them. During this time I liked fat girls but I desperately wished I didn't. I figured if I dated a "hot" girl long enough I'd be cured.



Interesting! Thank you! I wonder about people now that I know it's at least possible for fit men to want fat women.


----------



## landshark (Sep 12, 2015)

Blockierer said:


> A lot of men are attracted to fat women. The forum "Plus-Size Paysites & Photo Shoots - Censored" always has the most visitors.  Some of these men are closet FAs, some of them are open about it. FAs are as different as men who are into skinny women.



While this is proof to the OP that FAs are out there, it's isn't the most helpful because she wants/needs these guys to show themselves in her real-time everyday life. 



FatBarbieDoll said:


> Interesting! Thank you! I wonder about people now that I know it's at least possible for fit men to want fat women.



I wish I could give you a hint on how to spot them. But contrary to what some will tell you, guys who like fat women are just normal guys so they blend right in. 

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the argument that guys who like fatties are themselves undesirable (overweight, not visibly appealing) , lack self esteem or confidence, low income, uneducated, unemployed, aren't wired right, and blah blah blah. I'm none of the above! (Well, desirability is relative, but I think I'm reasonably good looking and have never had a problem meeting women of ANY body type.) But some peoples' dislike for fat people isn't enough: they have to extend it to those of us who like fatties too. And in a way, I suppose I'm glad it's this way. It's still socially acceptable to openly express public contempt for fat people and by sometimes being castigated for being a chubby chaser I feel like I am sharing just a small amount of that contempt. And it's something I've learned to embrace.


----------



## fuelingfire (Sep 12, 2015)

Unfortunately the only easy way to spot an FA is by the fat woman he is with. When I see a couple where the woman is fat, assume I am seeing a FA, and not a guy that is settling. I see thin women all over the place, I have to be on the lookout to spot fat women. A person has to go out of their way to find one.


----------



## Tad (Sep 14, 2015)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> How did you...will yourself to date thin women? Weren't you secretly unhappy? How did you go day after day after day being with a thin woman and her not knowing you didn't find her appealing?



There are lots of ways of looking at this and giving models of why someone might do this. One is privilege. If you are a reasonably attractive, reasonably fit, reasonably together Caucasian guy, you get a lot of privilege in our society. You can pretty much expect to get treated by the majority of people as if you are just that bit more important than everyone else -- from being given more personal space, to staff at stores giving you more attention and respect, to being more apt to be hired, promoted, and paid well. Also you are apt to get implicitly accepted by other similar guys, and given that they also have that privilege then they are apt to have above average wealth, connections, etc and that is an additional advantage. Even more bizarrely, some people will give you praise just for fitting into that grouping, as if you somehow did something wonderful that justified this reward.

But that acceptance, and even that treatment, can be somewhat conditional on keeping up the image of that role. Be thirty, fit, wearing a nice suit, but getting out of a rusty 15 year old Geo Metro and there may be some hesitation about how to classify you. Have it all else together, but have long hair in a pony-tail, and you suggest you might not serious about being successful. Etc and so on.

Part of that can apply to who you are seen with. Introduce your co-workers to your buddies who look like a bunch of weed-heads, and it matters. Going to fringe political or religious events can change how people see you. And of course dating someone who is not what you are expected to want can play a role in that too, as could expressing that your tastes don't like up with what is expected of you.

Of course, living your life to fit an image is both unfulfilling and pathetic. In the long run have the courage to be who you want to be will probably take you farther, make you happier, AND garner you more respect. But when a guy is young, isn't deeply confident, hasn't had a chance to achieve much success in life yet, it can really seem that risking that privilege that comes just from looking the right way it a bit deal. Getting past that stage is sometimes referred to as 'growing up' ;-)


----------



## biggirlsrock (Sep 19, 2015)

I knew a guy in my late teens/early 20's who used to go out of his way to ridicule me for my preference of fat women. I've NEVER dated a skinny girl/woman, and this guy was relentless the way he would bash me for liking fat women. Anyway, ran into him at Sam's Club not too long ago, with his SSBBW wife. She was GORGEOUS! And she introduced herself to me as his wife!!! Don't know if he was embarrassed by her, or if he just felt like a dick for breaking my balls all those years. I exchanged pleasantries, and as I started walking away, I gave him a wink. And I couldn't help but wonder - How the fuck did a magpie like that end up with such a beautiful woman???


----------



## Tomma Fat (Nov 26, 2015)

Well, i'my one of them. A skinny man attract to BBWs


----------



## choudhury (Dec 2, 2015)

Tad said:


> There are lots of ways of looking at this and giving models of why someone might do this. One is privilege. If you are a reasonably attractive, reasonably fit, reasonably together Caucasian guy, you get a lot of privilege in our society. You can pretty much expect to get treated by the majority of people as if you are just that bit more important than everyone else -- from being given more personal space, to staff at stores giving you more attention and respect, to being more apt to be hired, promoted, and paid well. Also you are apt to get implicitly accepted by other similar guys, and given that they also have that privilege then they are apt to have above average wealth, connections, etc and that is an additional advantage. Even more bizarrely, some people will give you praise just for fitting into that grouping, as if you somehow did something wonderful that justified this reward.
> 
> But that acceptance, and even that treatment, can be somewhat conditional on keeping up the image of that role. Be thirty, fit, wearing a nice suit, but getting out of a rusty 15 year old Geo Metro and there may be some hesitation about how to classify you. Have it all else together, but have long hair in a pony-tail, and you suggest you might not serious about being successful. Etc and so on.
> 
> ...



Great post.

Men - possibly more than women, although I'm not sure about that - are often judged by their partner, in the sense that an attractive partner (by mainstream standards) bestows prestige. Many, many men deeply want a women who will make other men envious or at least put them 'in the club' of men with 'attractive' women. Underlying it is an idea (I'd suggest) of women as a possession. You want a flashy car because you want to look like a Big Man. You want a hot babe for the same reason. 

But what if your idea of a 'hot babe' isn't shared by your peers or other men in general? Then you've got a dilemma. That's where the phenomenon of the FA who marries a skinny woman, then sleeps around with BBWs or surfs BBW porn, comes in. 

More charitably, though, let's face it - it's also hard to be 'weird' in general. Some people are less comfortable than others with saying, 'I have this socially unusual preference, deal with it.' In a very, very, VERY small way, it may be some version of what LGBT have had to go through, in that being an FA means having a socially unacceptable sexual preference. Fortunately, FAs don't generally get tormented, beat up, and utterly marginalized for their preference as LGBT people so often do. But it can still be uncomfortable to be a sexual non-conformist, to not belong; especially in a culture where sexual identity has been as prioritized as it is in ours.

My own parents used to regularly raise 'concerns' about my wife's weight (until I told them that I never wanted to hear about it again); and I know to this day that they are slightly disappointed and/or embarrassed by the fact that their reasonably attractive, professionally successful son married a woman who is now about 270 lbs. I don't let it bother me. But that's the sort of thing that can go along with being an FA, and that an insecure or immature man will allow to dissuade him from overtly pursuing his preference.

So, these are some thoughts about the 'closet FA.' I think there are a LOT more men who like BBWs/SSBWs than are willing to publicly let on. 

As for whether good-looking guys like fat women? Of course. FAs aren't some mutant sub-species. We're _exactly_ like men who prefer thin women, except that we prefer BBWs.


----------



## lucca23v2 (Dec 2, 2015)

To answer your "question" yes there are plenty of closeted FAs/FFAs, much the same as there are closeted men/women that like "out of the norm" (whatever norm means) people. Anything that doesn't fall in the "norm" is open to ridicule and therefore will carry a stigma because of it until it becomes a bit more mainstream.

~~~~~~~~

The more of these kinds of threads I read, the more aware I become that I had amazing friends growing up. They never treated me any different than the thinner kids and that includes the dating world. My friends always seemed to be more aware of the men that liked me before I did. They would steer me towards the ones they liked. For as long as I can remember, it was always the "fit" guys that asked me out. The athletes, or the "popular" guys. 

I think because my friends treated me no differently than their skinny friends, I never saw myself as different when it came to dating. Any man/guy was within my realm of possibilities. 

I can understand how some would find it amazing that some fit men would prefer their partners to be fat, but it seems normal to me. *shrugs*


----------



## FatBarbieDoll (Dec 3, 2015)

choudhury said:


> Great post.
> 
> Men - possibly more than women, although I'm not sure about that - are often judged by their partner, in the sense that an attractive partner (by mainstream standards) bestows prestige. Many, many men deeply want a women who will make other men envious or at least put them 'in the club' of men with 'attractive' women. Underlying it is an idea (I'd suggest) of women as a possession. You want a flashy car because you want to look like a Big Man. You want a hot babe for the same reason.
> 
> ...





I guess it just depresses me sometimes when I have gone out, and got hit on by a very unattractive man with an egg-shaped head, to use one example. Yuck.

I worry that I'm stuck with only/mainly dudes like that showing interest, and attractive men, if they are interested at all, using me for sex, such as the last one who'd only see me a few times a year (no, he's not married).

I am not saying a man has to have toned abs, a chiseled jaw, and look like a supermodel, but if he is cute/decent-looking, it'd give me hope.

I wonder if conventionally attractive, thin or fit women get butt ugly dudes (by their standards but especially society's) after them a lot.

The man I'm seeing now, while he is much older, IS decent-looking, luckily.

I hope my pickings aren't/weren't slim -- I just want(ed) reasonably attractive dudes to show interest in being my boyfriends.

Sorry if I seem shallow.


----------



## choudhury (Dec 4, 2015)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> I guess it just depresses me sometimes when I have gone out, and got hit on by a very unattractive man with an egg-shaped head, to use one example. Yuck.
> 
> I worry that I'm stuck with only/mainly dudes like that showing interest, and attractive men, if they are interested at all, using me for sex, such as the last one who'd only see me a few times a year (no, he's not married).
> 
> ...



It's normal to want a partner you find physically attractive. Don't apologize.

Maybe what you're going through is the phenomenon of people who know themselves to be 'unattractive' by conventional standards, targeting people who they perceive to be similarly 'unattractive' by conventional standards. In other words, your egg-headed guy maybe wasn't an FA at all necessarily, just someone who figured that he has a better chance with a BBW, because (in his mind) a BBW knows she can't afford to be picky.

(This sort of calculation may not even be in the foreground of someone's mind. What I'm suggesting is that many of us have some notion of our 'market value,' so to speak, in terms of physical attractiveness to the opposite sex, and adjust our expectations accordingly. That's what we mean when we say that so-and-so 'could have done better' than whomever they ended up with).

Perhaps the BBWs around here could confirm whether they find they're more likely to be targeted by men who assume they 'can't afford' to be picky?

I don't believe there is ANY correlation between a man's appearance and whether he is likely to be FA. Why would there be? It's an in-built preference that a lot of us were vaguely aware of even when we were kids. Our _own_ looks don't come into it as far as I can figure. Speaking for myself, I'm certainly not an Adonis, but I've been considered a reasonably attractive man for my adult life and have had a number of women tell me so who had no reason to lie. And I'm sure that's true for many of the FAs on this board, and in life in general.


----------



## KHayes666 (Dec 4, 2015)

This was 10 years ago but two of my friends had gotten a hold of my Bonita Gorditas porn dvd. Supposedly one of them, who primarily dates to this day only smaller girls, jacked off to it.


----------



## FatBarbieDoll (Dec 4, 2015)

choudhury said:


> It's normal to want a partner you find physically attractive. Don't apologize.
> 
> Maybe what you're going through is the phenomenon of people who know themselves to be 'unattractive' by conventional standards, targeting people who they perceive to be similarly 'unattractive' by conventional standards. In other words, your egg-headed guy maybe wasn't an FA at all necessarily, just someone who figured that he has a better chance with a BBW, because (in his mind) a BBW knows she can't afford to be picky.
> 
> ...



That "cannot afford to be picky" phenomenon is what scares me. Do these men really like fat girls or have they just settled for them, and convinced themselves they like them because they figure they have little to zero chance with a thin, conventionally attractive woman? Then again, there are also thin, ugly women too.

Or...maybe I'm being cynical and these guys actually DO like BBWs.

Is a woman automatically unattractive simply because she's fat and whatever perceived stereotypes go along with that?

I mean...I think I look pretty good for the most part. Clear, soft skin, long, thick hair, full lips, big butt, straight teeth, etc. My body is overall proportionate as well in that I'm fat everywhere.


----------



## choudhury (Dec 5, 2015)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> That "cannot afford to be picky" phenomenon is what scares me. Do these men really like fat girls or have they just settled for them, and convinced themselves they like them because they figure they have little to zero chance with a thin, conventionally attractive woman? Then again, there are also thin, ugly women too.
> 
> Or...maybe I'm being cynical and these guys actually DO like BBWs.
> 
> ...



I think your mistake is that you keep trying to draw comprehensive inferences from these experience. The correct inference, IMHO is this:

1. SOME guys, informed by our fat-hating culture, and aware of their own low market value (so to speak), just assume you 'can't afford to be picky' and so will settle for them.

2. SOME guys may just be open-minded, willing to be with women of varying shapes and sizes, especially when they are harmoniously proportioned with nice faces, etc - women who would very much be 'conventionally attractive' if they were thinner.

3. SOME guys are FAs who are genuinely attracted to you, in that you are just what they're looking for. 

You ask whether a woman "is automatically perceived as unattractive" because she's fat. I can tell you that for a sizeable per centage of men, this is indeed the case. Heck, even a total knockout of a BBW like web model Plump Princess has her share of trolls and haters. The received idea in this culture is that fat is unattractive by definition, especially on women. 

But that DOES NOT MEAN that there is not a whole lot of good-looking, well-adjusted FAs out there. Rest assured, there are!! 

So it sounds to me like you have to take each person as an individual. If you're not interested, then brush them off and don't worry about it. In terms of luring in men from category (3), just put yourself out there, be confident and present yourself appealingly...they'll be along, for sure.


----------



## RabbitScorpion (Dec 5, 2015)

Both of my brothers (and many friends) would always tell jokes anytime I pointed to a girl of build and stated she was pretty. I just got used to brushing it off, much like they also didn't share my tastes in music or cars.

Then one of my brothers (the second one - the one still alive) surprised the hell out of me and my friends by dating a BBW he had met at a party. They've been married for thirty years now.


----------



## Tad (Dec 7, 2015)

I admit, I’m not trying to answer your question in this post, more asking questions of you. Feel free to skip over this if you really aren’t interested in that.



FatBarbieDoll said:


> I guess it just depresses me sometimes when I have gone out, and got hit on by a very unattractive man with an egg-shaped head, to use one example. Yuck.



What jumped out at me was the line above. I read that as meaning “I wasn’t attracted to him, and he should have known I wouldn’t be attracted to him, and left me alone.” Maybe I’m reading that all wrong, if so I apologize for the tangent I’m about to go on.

Why did you find it so distasteful that he was hitting on you? What leaps to mind is that not only did you not find him attractive, but you considered yourself in a different league of attractiveness, so that his hitting on you was a sort of insult &#8211; implying that he thought you were in his league, i.e. as unattractive as he was (in your view). Or to put it another way, who do you think he should have been hitting on—or do you think he shouldn’t have been hitting on anyone at all?

(To be clear, I don’t have any problem with you not being attracted to him. We all have our preferences, and to a large extent those are what they are. I think that it makes life a lot harder when your preferences line up with those of a lot of other people; such that you are competing for the comparatively rare person that you all desire, which is always a tough, and competitive place to be, so I can also see that anything that makes that harder is not welcome. The above questions are just driven by my curiosity, I’m always curious about how other people view these sorts of things) 

==========================================

Actually, I will take a shot at your questions, too. Warning: second wall of text incoming. (apparently I'm in a mood to pontificate today)

Keep in mind that the people who are mostly widely desired are the ones who will typically be taken off the market most quickly (on average—don’t we all know someone who we think is really awesome who has been single for ages?) But let’s face it, if a guy is somewhat tall, well formed, reasonably fit looking, has a full head of hair, seems fairly normal and is reasonably well groomed, he can walk into any part or bar and there will soon be women laughing at his jokes and ever so interested in his life (or possibly asking his less interesting friends for more information about him). Likewise there are women who don’t bother bringing money to bars, because they know that guys will buy them all the drinks they want. And if those conventionally attractive people actually are decent people who have their life together, it usually isn’t that hard for them to find someone to date. There are simply a lot of people looking for someone like them, so the odds are in their favour.

Now, if it isn’t so easy for you, you might have to work at it harder. ONE strategy that SOME guys use is simply to hit on pretty much any woman they’d be willing to sleep with. Most will say &#8216;no’ if not &#8216;hell no’ but with the &#8216;right’ mindset that doesn’t matter, all that matters is finding someone who says &#8216;yes.’ Like, if 99% of women will tell him to buzz off, then clearly he needs to plan on hitting on at least a hundred women each weekend if he wants a reasonable chance of getting lucky. In fact, the worse their odds, the less discriminate they can afford to be, and the less time and effort they can put into each encounter. Hence cheesy pick-up lines, dick pics online, form letter style responses to dating ads, etc. It is all about quickly and efficiently weeding out the majority that will clearly have no time for them.

If even a small minority of guys use that strategy to a high degree, and a somewhat larger minority use it to a lesser degree, pretty much guarantees that most women will have some unwelcome attention, from guys who don’t really care that their chances are low, they just know that their chances are better if they try than if they don’t try.

On top of that, add the guys who really are more picky and selective, but aren’t generally considered the most desirable, so they are more apt to remain on the market for longer when they are single. Even if you avoid the &#8216;ask almost everyone’ crowd and manage to find only guys who are putting some individual work into it, odds are high that you’ll meet a higher proportion who have issues of some sort than you would find in the general population (sometimes that issue might be that all they are looking for is sex without any commitment, sometimes it may be that they are short, sometimes it may be that they really like model trains &#8211; whatever, something that will turn off a substantial portion of the potential dating pool).

So yah, there are no doubt cute, nice, decent, together, guys who will be attracted to you. But they may not be nearly as common as the ones that don’t meet all of those requirements in your eyes.


----------



## bigmac (Dec 8, 2015)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> I guess it just depresses me sometimes when I have gone out, and got hit on by a very unattractive man with an egg-shaped head, to use one example. Yuck.
> 
> I worry that I'm stuck with only/mainly dudes like that showing interest, and attractive men, if they are interested at all, using me for sex, such as the last one who'd only see me a few times a year (no, he's not married).
> 
> ...



Us guys who are not particularly attractive often turn to women who don't fit societies norm for feminine beauty. Call it settling or call it assortative mating -- regardless its the way of the world.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assortative_mating

This is not necessarily a bad thing. Individuals can use it to their advantage. For example, I was only able to attract _B-list_ thin girls but I have had relationships with several _A-list_ fat girls.


----------



## Whoop (Dec 31, 2015)

I have been the definition of closet FA for the longest time (I actually just posted a thread of my "coming out" so to speak lol). So the answer you're looking for is yes! There are men out there that are sometimes to embarrassed to let the big beautiful ladies know how they really feel.

Its shameful but that's just the world we live in I suppose :\


----------



## Dromond (Jan 1, 2016)

Whoop said:


> I have been the definition of closet FA for the longest time (I actually just posted a thread of my "coming out" so to speak lol). So the answer you're looking for is yes! There are men out there that are sometimes to embarrassed to let the big beautiful ladies know how they really feel.
> 
> Its shameful but that's just the world we live in I suppose :\



No, it's NOT "just the world we live in." You don't have to be shallow as "the world" wants you to be. You're attracted to big women. So, date big women! What's the drama about?


----------



## GregJ1 (Jan 2, 2016)

Date them, marry them and love ladies BBW and or otherwise. Most of all respect all humans as you would want to be respected. If you love women with plush curves respect the person and, if she is willing, love the body


----------



## bartenda (Feb 13, 2016)

Im an ex male stripper currently working on my phd definetely not egg headed. Even pre puberty i knew what i found attractive in the opposite sex.


----------



## Gainingchubbygirl (Feb 25, 2016)

I have been secretly attracted to BBW women my entire life, but I have only been with regular size men my whole life. I would just picture bigger girls when. I was with them to get turned on. I was so scared so what society thought of me that I couldn't ever say it out loud what my preferences were. So, yes. There are so many people who hide what they really want.


----------



## voluptuouslover (May 19, 2016)

This is one of those great topics I thought was worth a post and getting conversation on once again.

I believe there are many guy's out there and women for that matter... but I will stick to the guidelines of the original post.... that like bigger women and are in the closet about it. It has a lot to do with age, maturity and overall confidence in oneself. 

First of all when I was younger I knew I loved chunkier girls and then I realized that I loved noticing weight gain on girls and women. I never would make fun of a girl ever for being fatter but I certainly did not go out of my way to let them know how much I liked them bigger.....but once again this was at a very elementary grade age. As I was in middle school many of the cute chubby girls started to gain weight....I loved watching the girls gain weight. Amongst my friends we all agreed we liked some of the girls with the bigger breasts and many of them were the ones that kept gaining some weight. I commented a couple of times to my friends how I thought a few of them were getting even hotter. In my mind mostly because there breasts were getting bigger.....but I was kind of in denial that I liked them more because they were gaining weight. my friends said....she is getting uglier and she is Fat now. That's when it really sunk in....I thought she was so much hotter because she gained a bunch of weight where as my friends thought she got uglier because she gained weight.

I guess everyone is different and we all have our sweet spot as far as what we think is attractive with weight etc. I just happen to like more and more weight on a woman.

I think there are definitely guy's that are in the closet as far as liking Fat on women. I know so many guy's when I was in college and right after that would act like they wouldn't date a girl that was over 110 Lbs. or if there butt wasn't as wide as they could position there hands together and later at a bar they would be picking up on a girl that was easily 180-200 Lbs. I have even seen some of these same guy's marry slightly chunky woman and later their women got pretty Fat and they seemed like they were loving all the extra on their wives. I mean who wouldn't love all the extra cushion.....but the point I am trying to make it has to do with age, maturity and confidence. I have always known that I have liked chubby, chunky and fat women and have always been so excited about weight gain.....and I have never commented or acted like I liked thinner girls or women around my friends.....but I have never really come right out and told my friends I would love my wife to be over 300 Lbs.

At an older age I can't imagine there are to many guy's that are still holding back their feelings for them liking heavier women because they should have been matured and not concerned what everyone else thinks....but I guess there still are guy's like that.

I have always dated chubby, chunky and Fatter girls and women. I was never to concerned about what others thought although they were never 300 or 400 Lbs. In fact as I got older they seemed to be a little chubbier and then a little more over weight each time. I dream of my wife getting to over 300 Lbs. but in reality I have never seen her 5' 3" extremely curvy figure much over 200 Lbs. I would be proud to have her on my arm at that size but even when she was 200 Lbs. I know many of my friends and our friends were probably commenting about how heavy she got. My wife even poked fun at herself in front of them kind of like an insecurity thing or white elephant in the room approach. So I am totally secure with how beautiful she was and every Lb. she gained I just kept dreaming of her gaining even more. 

Finally....I gotta say I can't imagine anyone not liking the feel of Fat when touching, holding and making love. I assume it is societal shaping that makes guy's shy away from letting out their true feelings.


----------



## SecretlyaKitten (Oct 11, 2016)

Many FAs are in the "closet" at some point, and many more aren't . . . as has already been said more than once, it's a whole lot to do with maturity. I'm sure I don't have to say this, but even if a guy like that grows up enough to own up to what he likes doesn't mean that he deserves it. The first FA I've come across that was totally in the closet just tried to get me to have sex with him. We were exchanging messages and all that and then he told me that if I was over there he'd get me so drunk that I would only vaguely remember him screwing me from behind. I asked him if he was afraid I'd remember how shit he was at sex if I was sober and didn't bother to look at his responses after that. 

Thankfully, not all closet FAs (or FAs in general) are that lame. If they were I'd make every effort to drop like eighty pounds! 



FatBarbieDoll said:


> That "cannot afford to be picky" phenomenon is what scares me. Do these men really like fat girls or have they just settled for them, and convinced themselves they like them because they figure they have little to zero chance with a thin, conventionally attractive woman?



I knooow. I've wound up being somewhat paranoid when it comes to people who are hitting on me. If they tell me they think I'm attractive then I'll believe them, because they're most likely telling me the truth, but I've heard so many odd stories about fat women being a guy's "guilty pleasure" or about a dude being ashamed of his fat girlfriend (even if she was fat when they first started dating!) that I feel like I need to accept that just because someone is flirting with me doesn't mean they'd call me pretty.

. . . And of course there are the ones who think they're somehow doing me a favor. Trust me, amigos, I neither need nor even _want_ your dick. I can do a lot better than someone like that xD


----------



## Tad (Oct 25, 2016)

One of my friends (although not a super close friend), I’ve known for over twenty five years, and have seen him through relationships with a couple of girlfriends and now his wife of many years. All three of the women gained noticeable amounts of weight while involved with him, one of the girlfriends had been somewhat chubby before they started dating, out of any complaints he’s ever made about any of them never once have I heard their size come up, and when I’ve heard him comment on some woman being attractive I’ve never heard him go on about how toned and hard her body is. 

I’m pretty sure he could be qualified as some degree of FA, but equally sure that this is a side of himself that he’s chosen not to really let run rampant. I’ve thought about asking him many times, but ultimately decided that it wasn’t really any of my business (if we’d ever hung around together much when he was between relationships I might have asked, but we were in different cities when those gaps happened, and when he’s in a relationship I figure it is rude to ask such things).

I wouldn’t classify him as closeted per se, more like in denial (be it consciously or unconsciously I don’t know), but I could image some women getting hot and cold signals from someone like him.


----------



## choudhury (Oct 27, 2016)

Here's a question. Are you "in the closet" if you DON'T talk about your preference, but DO simply go about your business dating BBWs/SSBBWs? Does being "out" require you to be explicit rather than tacit about your preference? (The requirement of explicitness certainly wouldn't apply to other marginalized preferences, such as LGBTQ orientations; if a woman dates another woman, she's by definition "out," it seems to me). 

I have no interest in announcing my preference or publicly talking about it. But I dated a small number of BBWs before I met my wife, and she has always been big. That seems to be enough for me. I rather like the Victorian model of people being discreet about their sexual preferences rather than blaring them to the heavens all the time - notwithstanding the value of sites like this that can help people to understand their own orientation and that there are others like them.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn (Oct 27, 2016)

I think your partner has to be aware to some extent to preserve good communication.

Like, if you are asexual, do not want sex, and chose not to tell them, that may hurt them. Telling them personally is different from making it public knowledge.

I think it also depends if you KNOW and chose not to disseminate that information...as opposed to not being aware of it, because it something that is so mild and unimportant that you never even thought about it.

If your actions are covert, damaging, or cause distress because your intentions are unknown, that isn't fair to your partner regardless of what we call it. If none of the above are true, then talking about it is more a matter of choice, and if your personal ethics dictate that disclosure is important to your relationship.


----------



## Blockierer (Oct 27, 2016)

My wife is a SSBBW and I think it's the best for me when everybody is aware that's exactly the kind of women I'm into it. Be open about your preference for fat bodies and you won't get rude comments.


----------



## Tad (Oct 27, 2016)

To a large extent I’m of the “As long as you show it, you don’t have to say it” camp. Except for all those situations where that just isn’t good enough.

-	People might ask. More apt to happen when you are not in a relationship or just starting one than in later years, but it can still come up. It behooves an FA to be reasonably honest &#8211; I don’t think anyone needs to know the details of what another person likes, but saying &#8216;I like &#8216;em big’ should not be too much to ask. 

-	Sometimes others are talking down fat people. By staying silent, you acquiesce, letting them and any other listeners think that you agree. This just helps perpetuate the toxic attitudes our society can have about fat people. I’m not saying to pick a fight on the street with a bunch of drunk guys, but in general be willing to say “Actually, I don’t agree. I think she looks great.” Or even just “That is perfect, you date the twigs, because I’d go out with him in a second!”

-	It is important that those close to you, including your partner, know that you are not settling or looking past their size or any of that stuff &#8211; that you are with your partner in part because of their size, not despite it. A lot of that can be communicated non-verbally, but sometimes a few words need be spoken to get it through to the more obtuse.


----------



## choudhury (Oct 27, 2016)

Tad said:


> To a large extent Im of the As long as you show it, you dont have to say it camp. Except for all those situations where that just isnt good enough.
> 
> - People might ask. More apt to happen when you are not in a relationship or just starting one than in later years, but it can still come up. It behooves an FA to be reasonably honest  I dont think anyone needs to know the details of what another person likes, but saying I like em big should not be too much to ask.
> 
> ...



Great posts by you and Xantha. I agree entirely.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn (Oct 27, 2016)

Sidenote: my partner was the one who really outed me. He brazenly tells people who ask that his woman is not only ok with his body, but he can get her all revved up by eating a donut.

I think, for me, letting him own part of my preferences was the last holdout for me keeping it private, or any part of shame. Not that I was, per say, but there was a sort of reticent feeling about TMI.


----------



## Tad (Oct 27, 2016)

I had a bit of the opposite -- I've probably be more open, except that my partner is extremely reserved about such things, so I try not to say things she'd be uncomfortable with, even when she isn't around.


----------



## Dromond (Oct 28, 2016)

With a single exception, all my girlfriends and partners have been bigger ladies. I'm not shy about it, either. I can't imagine being any other way, so I've never understood keeping your preference in the closet.


----------



## bigmac (Oct 28, 2016)

My new place has a really big closet -- was wondering how many BBWs would fit.


----------



## roddles (Oct 28, 2016)

I am afraid to say, I am a skinny good looking guy who was married owned a nice house seemed to be on the right track. But I was in the closet about liking very large women. I guess I was so afraid of what my family and friends would think I too tried to "cure" myself by marrying a more conventional lady. Much like happily married's story, my wife found out about it and used to taunt me making me feel worse. There was a girl who was very large who was always on my mind, I had dated her but I couldn't bring myself to commit for fear of rejection from friends and family. We still stayed friends. It was really a terrible situation. In the end I hurt more people by not being honest with myself. I ended up divorcing my wife of 5 years, signed the house over to her and am now back with my ex. We are head over heals and even more in love. But a lesson is guys like me or what I used to be are dangerous and will break your heart


----------



## Blockierer (Oct 28, 2016)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Sidenote: my partner was the one who really outed me. He brazenly tells people who ask that his woman is not only ok with his body, but he can get her all revved up by eating a donut.
> 
> I think, for me, letting him own part of my preferences was the last holdout for me keeping it private, or any part of shame. Not that I was, per say, but there was a sort of reticent feeling about TMI.



My wife is the one who is outing me constantly. She tells everybody that she found my add on a dating-site for fat people. And, that I was looking in that add for a fat woman


----------



## choudhury (Oct 28, 2016)

roddles said:


> I am afraid to say, I am a skinny good looking guy who was married owned a nice house seemed to be on the right track. But I was in the closet about liking very large women. I guess I was so afraid of what my family and friends would think I too tried to "cure" myself by marrying a more conventional lady. Much like happily married's story, my wife found out about it and used to taunt me making me feel worse. There was a girl who was very large who was always on my mind, I had dated her but I couldn't bring myself to commit for fear of rejection from friends and family. We still stayed friends. It was really a terrible situation. In the end I hurt more people by not being honest with myself. I ended up divorcing my wife of 5 years, signed the house over to her and am now back with my ex. We are head over heals and even more in love. But a lesson is guys like me or what I used to be are dangerous and will break your heart



Wow. A sad story, but with a happy ending. 

I think you capture very honestly the anxiety that many FAs feel about their preference. Not everyone is comfortable about publicly declaring a preference that many people in a fat-phobic culture will regard as "weird" at best and disgustingly deviant at worst. (I've said many times that, in some ways, there is more public acceptance of LBGTQ identities or even fetishes like "golden showers" than there is of FAdom). I had my first girlfriend, who was definitely plump, tell me I was "weird" for my preference, and this wasn't gentle teasing, it was a put-down. To be honest, it humiliated me - here I was tiptoeing out there, disclosing something intimate, and being insulted for it - and it definitely played a role in pushing me down the path of discretion about it. 

In my case, though, I decided just to be with the women I found attractive, and let them know that I desired them, without necessarily declaring my preference publicly. That's been a happy medium for me, but maybe not for everyone.


----------



## landshark (Oct 28, 2016)

choudhury said:


> Here's a question. Are you "in the closet" if you DON'T talk about your preference, but DO simply go about your business dating BBWs/SSBBWs? Does being "out" require you to be explicit rather than tacit about your preference? (The requirement of explicitness certainly wouldn't apply to other marginalized preferences, such as LGBTQ orientations; if a woman dates another woman, she's by definition "out," it seems to me).
> 
> I have no interest in announcing my preference or publicly talking about it. But I dated a small number of BBWs before I met my wife, and she has always been big. That seems to be enough for me. I rather like the Victorian model of people being discreet about their sexual preferences rather than blaring them to the heavens all the time - notwithstanding the value of sites like this that can help people to understand their own orientation and that there are others like them.



I don't think so. Not necessarily. Some people simply don't talk about stuff like this but go about pursuing their interests. I think people who come to Dims by nature are open to discussing it, at least in this forum, but for plenty of people it simply doesn't occur to them to discuss or not discuss a preference like this. 

I think what makes someone in the closet is their own sense of embarrassment for liking bigger women. Behavior like intentionally avoiding the topic or refusing to be seen in public is more "closeted" behavior than simply not being programmed to talk openly about one's preference.


----------



## Dromond (Oct 28, 2016)

If you live it, you are not "closeted."


----------



## FatBarbieDoll (Oct 31, 2016)

My point was that I hope I'm not basically doomed to having only ugly dudes interested in me due to my size.

I don't think I'm entitled to a supermodel or a hunk but having a guy who is at least decent-looking want to be with me is nice.


----------



## Tad (Oct 31, 2016)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> My point was that I hope I'm not basically doomed to having only ugly dudes interested in me due to my size.
> 
> I don't think I'm entitled to a supermodel or a hunk but having a guy who is at least decent-looking want to be with me is nice.



Honestly, I dont think I have a lot more to say on this one. Im a bit on the short side, have always been pudgy, have had to wear glasses since I was twelve, and my hairline was in full retreat by the time I graduated university -- so I really cant speak for from personal experience about what conventionally attractive guys might feel, Ive just never been in that privileged position (not that I never had female attention, but it generally came after Id gotten to know people, not on first sight). 

And Ive been an FA since I can remember, so I was never really in the situation of chasing a partner that was receiving a ton of attention from others (except that oddly when I started dating my wife she was fairly thin and was receiving quite a bit of attention, and she just did like my look  but she made the first moves there, so it still isnt experience in the sort of situation you are in).


----------



## Dromond (Oct 31, 2016)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> My point was that I hope I'm not basically doomed to having only ugly dudes interested in me due to my size.
> 
> I don't think I'm entitled to a supermodel or a hunk but having a guy who is at least decent-looking want to be with me is nice.



I'm verging on being offended by your attitude, but instead I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. Still, I do have a bit of advice: You'll attract better sorts of people with a better sort of attitude. Defeatism is unattractive, regardless of what you look like on the outside.

I am curious what you consider an "ugly dude," though. If I were to approach you, would you consider me worth dating or would I be an "ugly dude?" My picture is on my profile page. I'm looking for an honest answer. If I'm ugly to you, say so. You won't hurt my feelings.


----------



## landshark (Oct 31, 2016)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> My point was that I hope I'm not basically doomed to having only ugly dudes interested in me due to my size.
> 
> I don't think I'm entitled to a supermodel or a hunk but having a guy who is at least decent-looking want to be with me is nice.



I suppose it would depend on what you consider an "ugly" dude. 

A lot of people believe that men who prefer bigger women must be themselves undesirable in some way shape or form. Unfortunately some of the bigger girls I dated before I was married bought into that same narrative: wondering what was wrong with me that I wanted to date a fat woman. I think in some of those examples that was probably a symptom of an unhealthy sense of self worth, but the projection onto someone who was interested in them conveys a furtherance of the notion that men who prefer fat woman must not be firing on all cylinders.


----------



## bigmac (Oct 31, 2016)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> My point was that I hope I'm not basically doomed to having only ugly dudes interested in me due to my size.
> 
> I don't think I'm entitled to a supermodel or a hunk but having a guy who is at least decent-looking want to be with me is nice.



We all can appreciate beautiful people. However, we also need to be realistic. Myself, I know I'm not particularly good looking (my avatar is not too far off). I'm unlikely to spark the interest of females who are looking for a good looking guy. However, I am smart, educated, relatively successful, and pretty damn dependable (I've had several people use that decidedly not sexy adjective when describing me). Thus, I've never had that much trouble attracting decent quality females. They may not have been the prettiest girls in the room but they were often the most interesting.


----------



## Cobra Verde (Nov 1, 2016)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> My point was that I hope I'm not basically doomed to having only ugly dudes interested in me due to my size.
> 
> I don't think I'm entitled to a supermodel or a hunk but having a guy who is at least decent-looking want to be with me is nice.


Considering that you're on a forum with countless men who like fat women and have posted their pictures this is an insinuation so ugly that if it was a person you'd be repulsed if it dared hit on you.
You don't have to settle for anyone or feel grateful for any attention you get just because you're fat and I would never advocate the bullshit "beggars can't be choosers" sentiment. But reading someone considered (however unfairly) conventionally unattractive by society complain about only "ugly" guys being attracted to them is really hard to stomach. Maybe they're not desperate and settling for a fat woman because they're "ugly", maybe it's simply that being considered unattractive makes a person more likely to recognize that being considered physically attractive by societal standards is ultimately a small part of what makes someone worth being with.








FatBarbieDoll said:


> Sorry if I seem shallow.


You don't - shallowness still implies some measure of depth.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn (Nov 1, 2016)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> My point was that I hope I'm not basically doomed to having only ugly dudes interested in me due to my size.
> 
> I don't think I'm entitled to a supermodel or a hunk but having a guy who is at least decent-looking want to be with me is nice.



This unsettled me a bit.

I think you are putting the same societal standards on others that you don't want them to apply to you. There are plenty of traditional smoking hot FA - model level, ripped, etc. 

I would recomment looking for a guy you find attractive, instead of wanting a trophy guy (you didn't say unattractive, you said ugly, which is generally a societal value, not personal).

I don't care if my guy is attractive to anyone else - when his eyes soften my heart melts, when he grins my heart sings, and when he flaunts his body i flood my basement. I don't give a damn if someone else finds him sexy.

"10/10" women on the hot charts have ugly guys into them - and ugly women have ugly guys into them. It isn't being "doomed". It's just finding a guy you are attracted to; your size has nothing to do with "deserving" that imo. You just deserve to be happy and with a guy you find hot.


----------



## DianaSSBBW (Nov 1, 2016)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> My point was that I hope I'm not basically doomed to having only ugly dudes interested in me due to my size.
> 
> I don't think I'm entitled to a supermodel or a hunk but having a guy who is at least decent-looking want to be with me is nice.




Dear FatBarbieDoll....

I just dedicated way too much time reading most of your old post.
I am not one to write long explication and be politically correct, I really don't like to write in English! 
_*I rely on TAD!! to post those replies!*_ exp

BUT YOUR POST IS VERY UPSETTING!

You have posted some really nice pictures, as you stated you do have a pretty smile and like you said "Nice Teeth" - Go back read some of the replies to your post and pictures. You have received many nice replies and comments. Enjoy your positive feedback.
We are a nice community, just that some of us are Fat and others are people that like fat people.

Please keep in mind, that you are posting in the FA / FFA forum. Meaning a forum for people that are "FAT ADMIRERS and FEMALE FAT ADMIRERS" please don't come here judging our preferences. You stated that you will only get an "ugly" guy because of your size!! Your size has nothing to do with what you are attracting!

You will only "be doomed" if you are judging people by your first impressions. Hey, one of my friends only dates "bald" egg shaped guys. What you think is "ugly" she would consider super hot. 

FatBarbieDoll you are entitled to be with someone that you are attacked you. Someone that you enjoy being with and mostly someone that makes you smile and laugh a lot. You are young, (I like to use the term: earn your stripes) find your way, ear your own money, TRAVEL! The world is full of people with different tastes and preferences! Have adventures and believe me when I tell you that "yes" FA are real, they are some really hot ones and they come in all shapes, sizes and colors!


----------



## Dromond (Nov 2, 2016)

I've come to the thought that FatBarbieDoll hates herself for being fat. A skim of her (short) posting history tells me she's really hung up, in a bad way, about guys who may be attracted to her. She's a tangled mess of issues, and needs a professional to help sort them out. I don't know what she's after with this thread. It sure isn't advice, because she won't take any she's given.


----------



## Yakatori (Nov 2, 2016)

I think what you're characterizing here is certainly real, in that it's, like, _a thing_, that exists, that happens with a lot of fat people, in general. Something anyone has to work past, more or less.

But I have a somewhat different conclusion as to the real purpose of this thread.


----------



## Cobra Verde (Nov 2, 2016)

You're going to make us ask, aren't you?


----------



## fuelingfire (Nov 2, 2016)

Yakatori said:


> I think what you're characterizing here is certainly real, in that it's, like, _a thing_, that exists, that happens with a lot of fat people, in general. Something anyone has to work past, more or less.
> 
> But I have a somewhat different conclusion as to the real purpose of this thread.



The majority of her posts on Dimensions, not just this thread, have been related to trying to understand a specific guy. Some of her posts seem unrelated until further questioning within the thread, she still is using him as the example. He is interested in having sex with her, but not being seen in public with her. 

Sorry for being so blunt but... Whether he is a FA or not, he is toxic to her at best. I think because she keeps asking about FAs, it keeps the conversation from talking about that guy, and the rest of us have to keep saying, "not all FAs." The resolution to most of her questioning should really be focused on being hung up on a bad guy. Him possibly being a FA is actually unimportant.


----------



## bigmac (Nov 2, 2016)

fuelingfire said:


> ... He is interested in having sex with her, but not being seen in public with her.
> 
> ...




She's his booty call. That's unlikely to change. She needs to decide if she's OK with the relationship as it is.

Same advise to mistresses and guys in the friend zone.

These are all categories that its almost impossible to upgrade from. If you're in one you have to either accept it or end the relationship.


----------



## Texas Smile (Nov 4, 2016)

bigmac said:


> We all can appreciate beautiful people. However, we also need to be realistic. Myself, I know I'm not particularly good looking (my avatar is not too far off). I'm unlikely to spark the interest of females who are looking for a good looking guy. However, I am smart, educated, relatively successful, and pretty damn dependable (I've had several people use that decidedly not sexy adjective when describing me). Thus, I've never had that much trouble attracting decent quality females. They may not have been the prettiest girls in the room but they were often the most interesting.



Stop Whining - 
You have danced with the most beautiful lady at the ball.

 

View attachment whining.jpg


----------



## bigmac (Nov 4, 2016)

Texas Smile said:


> Stop Whining -
> You have danced with the most beautiful lady at the ball.




Who's whining -- I have indeed danced with beautiful women -- indeed there's one taking a shower upstairs right now.


----------



## Tad (Nov 4, 2016)

Another way to look at this occured to me today. I'm a big fan of this quote from Joseph Addison:



> Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.



Not everyone's objective in life is happiness (indeed maybe only a minority of people?). But if happiness is (one of) your main objective(s), keep that in mind. 

So I'd ask: Is this person someone you can love? Will be with them help you find worthwhile things to do, and will being with them make your life where hope can thrive?

If so, maybe you should think hard about it?


----------



## DianaSSBBW (Nov 4, 2016)

Texas Smile said:


> Stop Whining -
> You have danced with the most beautiful lady at the ball.



OMG! WOW!

<- Seconds the motion!


----------



## DianaSSBBW (Nov 4, 2016)

bigmac said:


> Who's whining -- I have indeed danced with beautiful women -- indeed there's one taking a shower upstairs right now.



:doh: Who's whining!

Wishes she knew how to cross post between threads!
What made you LOL today


----------



## Blockierer (Nov 6, 2016)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> My point was that I hope I'm not basically doomed to having only ugly dudes interested in me due to my size.
> 
> I don't think I'm entitled to a supermodel or a hunk but having a guy who is at least decent-looking want to be with me is nice.



Look at the *Has There Ever Been a FA/BBW Couple Pic Thread?: *http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=43387.
There are lots of good looking gents in love with their fat goddesses.
It seems to me mostly good looking men are interested in fat women.


----------



## CleverBomb (Nov 7, 2016)

DianaSSBBW said:


> :doh: Who's whining!
> 
> *Wishes she knew how to cross post between threads!*
> What made you LOL today


1. Start a reply with quote (quote button on post) in a new tab for the thread you want to cross post from.
2. Select all (from the text box of that reply) and Cut or Copy.
3. Close that tab.
4. Start a reply (Post Reply, or Quick Reply) for the thread you want to cross post into.
5. Paste the copied text from the first thread.
6. Clean it up, add commentary as needed and submit the post. The "Originally Posted By" link will point to the post you quoted on the first thread.


----------



## DianaSSBBW (Nov 8, 2016)

Thank you!



cleverbomb said:


> 1. Start a reply with quote (quote button on post) in a new tab for the thread you want to cross post from.
> 2. Select all (from the text box of that reply) and cut or copy.
> 3. Close that tab.
> 4. Start a reply (post reply, or quick reply) for the thread you want to cross post into.
> ...


----------



## FatBarbieDoll (Nov 8, 2016)

Dromond said:


> I'm verging on being offended by your attitude, but instead I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. Still, I do have a bit of advice: You'll attract better sorts of people with a better sort of attitude. Defeatism is unattractive, regardless of what you look like on the outside.
> 
> I am curious what you consider an "ugly dude," though. If I were to approach you, would you consider me worth dating or would I be an "ugly dude?" My picture is on my profile page. I'm looking for an honest answer. If I'm ugly to you, say so. You won't hurt my feelings.



No, I don't think you are ugly. Please do not judge my character or sense of self based on a few posts I make here. It is very difficult to decipher tone and often intent because you cannot see my face and gauge its reactions, so you are possibly misinterpreting what I am trying to say. 

I am comfortable with my body for the most part, even though there are some things I'd like to change (these things have nothing to do with my size, BTW). I have posted a few photos of me in a bikini on my Facebook page -- and it's on the public setting -- so I must have SOME confidence. 

I suppose my natural questioning and skeptical nature plays a part in my posts. I have a hard time figuring out, for example, if a dude is attracted to me or just looking for an easy lay and figures a large woman would take less effort due to the stereotypes.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn (Nov 8, 2016)

If you automatically suspect them, you are bringing your own baggage to the relationship, and forcing them into constantly justifying, placating, and proving themselves to you.

Either you think the guy likes you, or you don't. Your disbelief of them being capable of admiring you for your size is a symptom of lack of confidence.

There are men who would openly adore your body FOR it being fat. 
There are guys who will like it and will not admit it. 
There are guys who will not like you because of your body.
And there are guys who will not care if you are fat or thin, because they like you.

If a guy likes you, he likes you. Kick the one who treat you lile crap to the curb, find a guy you like, and believe him when he says annnnd treats you well. 

Good luck!


----------



## FatBarbieDoll (Nov 9, 2016)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> If you automatically suspect them, you are bringing your own baggage to the relationship, and forcing them into constantly justifying, placating, and proving themselves to you.
> 
> Either you think the guy likes you, or you don't. Your disbelief of them being capable of admiring you for your size is a symptom of lack of confidence.
> 
> ...



I appreciate your and everyone else's input. I know I have some baggage -- most of us do. It's just that it is so hard to tell if a guy is truly attracted to me, using me, but not even attracted to me, convinced himself that he finds large bodies to be appealing because he does not think he can get a thin woman, etc. There really are people out there like this, so figuring out who is who is a daunting task for me and it's made even more difficult because I have been diagnosed with Asperger's.

It does not help that I found a massive Reddit thread made by someone asking men if they have ever slept with women to whom they were not attracted physically. Some of these men said the word "yes", which confounded my fears. I don't know for sure if these guys were being honest but, since so many of them answered in the affirmative, chances are that at least SOME of them were being honest. 

The only strategy I can think of is to make a man wait a while for sex because, if he is interested in getting to know me as a person, he will stick around. This is no guarantee that he is attracted to me, though. Some men (women too) are desperate, so they will take whatever they can get and I don't wanna be a "better than nothing" for a dude.

Hopefully this makes sense.


----------



## FatBarbieDoll (Nov 9, 2016)

He HAS been seen in public with me. He has held my hand and kissed me in public too. I was just never introduced to his friends and family, possibly because we were never a couple and/or for other reasons. He claimed to be a very private person, so he may have not wanted a woman with whom he was not planning on getting serious to have access to his online life. Some people are hesitant to add those they are just fooling around with or even dating to their friends list because they worry that the person in question could, say, be a whacko and embarrass them.

I may never know exactly know why he rejected me but I have some likely-to-be-true theories.
Surely I cannot be blamed for wondering if he is embarrassed to have a fat girlfriend, which is at least one reason why he never committed to me, when I scrolled through his FB photos and saw a comment he left on a very thin woman's photo, calling her "pretty". Now, this does not prove that he is a closeted FA but, living in a fatphobic society does motivate me to get my guard up. There is also not one single iota of him being interested in large women on his profile.

He also recently posted a photo of himself with his arm wrapped around a woman, and old friend, from behind, wine glasses in both of their hands. This woman is also very thin. He could be what is called "bisizual" too, I get that. However, IMO, the photo that he was in with this woman was far too close and intimate for opposite sex, heterosexual friends to do. She has also been "liking" a lot more of his posts lately and commenting on some, which leads me to believe, coupled with the photo, that they are an item.


----------



## FatBarbieDoll (Nov 9, 2016)

He HAS been seen in public with me. He has held my hand and kissed me in public too. I was just never introduced to his friends and family, possibly because we were never a couple and/or for other reasons. He claimed to be a very private person, so he may have not wanted a woman with whom he was not planning on getting serious to have access to his online life. Some people are hesitant to add those they are just fooling around with or even dating to their friends list because they worry that the person in question could, say, be a whacko and embarrass them.

I may never know exactly know why he rejected me but I have some likely-to-be-true theories.
Surely I cannot be blamed for wondering if he is embarrassed to have a fat girlfriend, which is at least one reason why he never committed to me, when I scrolled through his FB photos and saw a comment he left on a very thin woman's photo, calling her "pretty". Now, this does not prove that he is a closeted FA but, living in a fatphobic society does motivate me to get my guard up. There is also not one single iota of him being interested in large women on his profile.

He also recently posted a photo of himself with his arm wrapped around a woman, and old friend, from behind, wine glasses in both of their hands. This woman is also very thin. He could be what is called "bisizual" too, I get that. However, IMO, the photo that he was in with this woman was far too close and intimate for opposite sex, heterosexual friends to do. She has also been "liking" a lot more of his posts lately and commenting on some, which leads me to believe, coupled with the photo, that they are an item.


----------



## fuelingfire (Nov 9, 2016)

Sorry, I did not reread your other posts. But recalled there is a hidden reason on his part, that your relationship is not progressing. I don’t want to sound all negative, your questions have produced interesting dialogue within the FA forum, which often is lacking in new topics.

Have you considered looking at Feabie? It’s free online dating for FA/BBW/feeders/feedees. At the very least you will be interacting with people who you will know find you attractive. You will have to put up with some odd interactions (females do). Though the site pushes toward feeder/feedees, there are plenty of regular FAs on there. I met my current girlfriend on there, who is a perfect match for personality and looks. She says most people who use it seem to view it as Tinder for fat women. She has more experience with using it than I do.

I would say that you should post conservative pictures of yourself on there. A lot of women show skin and body parts on there, which may lead to you being viewed as more of a sexual object in my opinion. Have a selfie where you are smiling, and a picture showing your full body fully clothed.


----------



## bigmac (Nov 9, 2016)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> ... It's just that it is so hard to tell if a guy is truly attracted to me, using me, but not even attracted to me, convinced himself that he finds large bodies to be appealing because he does not think he can get a thin woman, etc. ...




Its actually pretty damn easy to tell if someone is into you. Yes people do indeed sleep with others for less than pure motives (both men and women do this). However, few people can keep up pretexts for long -- and why would they -- if they're not that into you they're not going to expend too much time, effort, or money.

Also, people make compromises all the time -- there's nothing wrong with that. None of us get exactly what we desire. Best we can hope for is a compromise we can live with.


----------



## ClashCityRocker (Nov 10, 2016)

took me a few years to get the confidence to be open about my attraction to big women (and in general, at that) but one thing i've noticed is that when i'm in a group of male friends i always seem to be the odd man out. i don't really mind it but it seems that if someone starts that high school-esque joke session about big women, i casually try contest it and then ask what's wrong with big women (and, more accurately, what makes them NOT attractive to you). their answers are even more high school-esque, and it does often make me wonder who among my friends is just too insecure to admit their attraction to big women.

semi-side note: anyone notice how the growing influence of social media has highlighted, perpetuated and exacerbated an underlying insecurity (esp. in terms of what is being called "false masculinity")?


----------



## AmandaLynn (Nov 14, 2016)

I saw a lot of this when I was at school sadly enough.


----------



## bigmac (Nov 14, 2016)

AmandaLynn said:


> I saw a lot of this when I was at school sadly enough.



Luckily most (but certainly not all) of us guys grow up.


----------



## AmandaLynn (Nov 15, 2016)

bigmac said:


> Luckily most (but certainly not all) of us guys grow up.



LOL, Glad to hear it. I am a lesbian and I feel it is somewhat common all around, though more so with young men. I was very trim when I started college and put on a few lbs in my 3rd and 4th years, even more so now that I have moved to NYC. 

I recall going out with a friend of mine this summer and it was the first time we had gone out with her friends and after a lengthy debate on how I was dressed, I could feel the distance when we were around her peers, where ordinarily she was very warm and embracing. It was such a put off.


----------



## landshark (Nov 15, 2016)

AmandaLynn said:


> LOL, Glad to hear it. I am a lesbian and I feel it is somewhat common all around, though more so with young men. I was very trim when I started college and put on a few lbs in my 3rd and 4th years, even more so now that I have moved to NYC.
> 
> I recall going out with a friend of mine this summer and it was the first time we had gone out with her friends and after a lengthy debate on how I was dressed, I could feel the distance when we were around her peers, where ordinarily she was very warm and embracing. It was such a put off.



I was well into my 20s before I grew out of being afraid to openly embrace my preference for bigger girls. As I've mentioned to other meme era here, for a long time I dated women who were more conventionally ideal hoping to "cure" myself but beneath the surface I always had that attraction to big girls and wished desperately I could change it. Thank God I eventually just learned to embrace it. I have an amazing wife now and that wouldn't have happened if I didn't outgrow that hesitancy and outright fear of embracing my preference. 

What exactly was the debate about how you were dressed? Did she feel you weren't dressed appropriate for your size? That's a thing for a lot of people.


----------



## bigmac (Nov 15, 2016)

AmandaLynn said:


> ...
> 
> I recall going out with a friend of mine this summer and it was the first time we had gone out with her friends and after a lengthy debate on how I was dressed, I could feel the distance when we were around her peers, where ordinarily she was very warm and embracing. It was such a put off.




Sounds like some things haven't changed much. When I was young I stayed away from beautiful people venues. I frequented punk and heavy metal clubs where being conventionally attractive usually didn't matter.


----------



## AmandaLynn (Nov 15, 2016)

happily_married said:


> I was well into my 20s before I grew out of being afraid to openly embrace my preference for bigger girls. As I've mentioned to other meme era here, for a long time I dated women who were more conventionally ideal hoping to "cure" myself but beneath the surface I always had that attraction to big girls and wished desperately I could change it. Thank God I eventually just learned to embrace it. I have an amazing wife now and that wouldn't have happened if I didn't outgrow that hesitancy and outright fear of embracing my preference.
> 
> What exactly was the debate about how you were dressed? Did she feel you weren't dressed appropriate for your size? That's a thing for a lot of people.



My outfit was a little snug, but that is not altogether uncommon these days and certainly not the kind of thing that would have cause a problem if we were out with our regular group. I was kind of interested and the whole situation made me really take a step back.


----------



## bigmac (Nov 15, 2016)

AmandaLynn said:


> My outfit was a little snug, but that is not altogether uncommon these days ...




This is something that's changed for the better. 30 years ago (I'm that old ) pretty snug outfits weren't even an option for young BBWs.

I have two twenty something daughters who are BBWs. They have clothing options that just were not available to their mothers.


----------



## landshark (Nov 15, 2016)

AmandaLynn said:


> My outfit was a little snug, but that is not altogether uncommon these days and certainly not the kind of thing that would have cause a problem if we were out with our regular group. I was kind of interested and the whole situation made me really take a step back.



Little snug? Blah. Women leave their homes in yoga pants and skinny jeans so tight they look like they're painted on! I personally love it when my wife wears that stuff. When my wife first worked up the confidence to wear skinny jeans and asked how I though she looked my knees went week!:wubu: 

Sorry a friend treated you like that but don't be derailed!


----------



## AmandaLynn (Nov 15, 2016)

bigmac said:


> This is something that's changed for the better. 30 years ago (I'm that old ) pretty snug outfits weren't even an option for young BBWs.



LOL, in this case it was not deliberately snug, but it was not ill-fitting or tasteless either.


----------



## AmandaLynn (Nov 15, 2016)

happily_married said:


> Little snug? Blah. Women leave their homes in yoga pants and skinny jeans so tight they look like they're painted on! I personally love it when my wife wears that stuff. When my wife first worked up the confidence to wear skinny jeans and asked how I though she looked my knees went week!:wubu:
> 
> Sorry a friend treated you like that but don't be derailed!



Thank you.


----------



## Tad (Nov 15, 2016)

Sometimes friends do just drift apart. Ive had a few cases of meeting up with people who I had been friends with during one stage of school or another, then finding that we just didnt have a lot in common now that we were no longer sharing classes or activities. That is, wed gotten along well enough as members of a group, but it turned out that once we werent in a group  there just wasnt a lot there between us.

In other words, just wondering how much was weight related, and how much was just you werent part of her new group, and she was more bonded to her current reference group than to an old friend?

Either way, shoddy way to treat you &#61516;

As a stranger visiting NYC, one of the things I liked was that it was populous, busy, and diverse enough that people seemed not to fuss much about who else was around them, they were mostly focused on what they were doing, where they were going, etc. But I could imagine that the experience of living there and getting to know people there could give very different results? Do you feel people have more weight bias there than in other places youve lived?


----------



## AmandaLynn (Nov 15, 2016)

Tad said:


> As a stranger visiting NYC, one of the things I liked was that it was populous, busy, and diverse enough that people seemed not to fuss much about who else was around them, they were mostly focused on what they were doing, where they were going, etc. But I could imagine that the experience of living there and getting to know people there could give very different results? Do you feel people have more weight bias there than in other places you’ve lived?



I am only recently moved to NYC, this past June. Being born and raised in Lafayette, La and then living in Baton Rouge during college, I feel there were a lot more overweight people back home at least by comparison. I don't think the people here are biased, but you can tell they are a lot more conscious of it. It's not typically fat unfriendly though. 

I guess to put it in perspective, back home, everyone that I knew had at least one parent that was overweight to some degree and I more than a third of the young women I graduated high school with were over or pretty close to 200 lbs. That is not the case here at all.


----------



## Tad (Nov 15, 2016)

AmandaLynn said:


> I am only recently moved to NYC, this past June. Being born and raised in Lafayette, La and then living in Baton Rouge during college, I feel there were a lot more overweight people back home at least by comparison. I don't think the people here are biased, but you can tell they are a lot more conscious of it. It's not typically fat unfriendly though.
> 
> I guess to put it in perspective, back home, everyone that I knew had at least one parent that was overweight to some degree and I more than half of the young women I graduated high school with were over or pretty close to 200 lbs. That is not the case here at all.



So you were thin in fatland, then got fat in thinland? You contrarian!


----------



## AmandaLynn (Nov 15, 2016)

Tad said:


> So you were thin in fatland, then got fat in thinland? You contrarian!



LOL, something like that 

My thin Lafayette days circa Spring 2012. (I am on the right) Followed by, welcome to NY! 

View attachment ab2.jpg


View attachment ab8.jpg


----------



## DianaSSBBW (Nov 16, 2016)

It is not everyday that "Men Explain Why They Prefer Big Girls" shows up on my Facebook news feed....so it caught eye

Us on DIM already know most of these....but enjoy!! I like #4!
http://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/men...hubby-chasers-men-explain-why-they-prefer-big


----------



## socrates74 (Nov 17, 2016)

Exactly what "Bigmac" said.


----------

