# FA myspaces.....



## kenzie_kutie (May 3, 2007)

i don't know if this has been talked about on her before.. but i just need to get this out ha.

i hate when guys are all like... "yeah I'm out of the FA closet" and act like they are totally 100% ok with liking big girls; but then it turns out that they aren't.

one of the things they do.. which is stupid if u ask me... is make a "big girl myspace." as if they don't have enough balls to let their friends know that they like big girls. 

has any other big girls notice that??????

Like you will be talking to some guy and be like, "all u have on ur myspace is girls, dont u have any guy friends?" and then they are like..." yeah well i have a "real" myspace too. - i just don't want my friends to judge me... or i'm not ready to tell my friends yet." shit like that bugs the fuck outta me. 

like some might say.. well some chicks have 2 myspace, and yes thats true. i do have 2 myspaces... but one is a *business one*. and the other is all my friends that i talk to on a daily basis. my "kenzie" myspace is for advertising my site and BODacious magazine... its strictly business. and guys have no reason at all to make 2 of them. they should be comfortable enough with themselves if they proclaim to "love big girls."

i just had to get that out....

oh yeah, and its even more funny when the guy hardly never visits his "real one" and is constantly on the big girl myspace.... ugh, men. lol


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## BothGunsBlazing (May 3, 2007)

Yeah, that is 'tarded.


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## This1Yankee (May 3, 2007)

I used to get angry with this. Not so much because they have two sites, but because there are some people who you talk to for a long time, you've told them things that you wouldn't tell other people, there may have been a little romance involved, even. Finding out that you are lumped into a totally separate, and mostly unspoken of, part of their life, when you've included them in your whole life so openly, stings a bit. It's a kind of rejection. 

HOWEVER- when put into perspective: It's a website. It's trivial, and silly, and it's not supposed to incite this much drama. 

My site is the only one that I have. I include Dims friends and IRL friends. I think that in this case, if you are only allowing FA's access to your business site and not to your 'personal' one, then they have no reason to allow you into their personal site. Can't have your cake and eat it too. (Not that you, Kenzie, are doing this, I'm just using your situation as an example)


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (May 3, 2007)

MySpace is lame, lol. Don't get me wrong....I use MySpace daily, but people shouldn't get so butt hurt over not being added, being unfriended, people being fake etc. 

I think it is down to personal accountability...and common sense. If someone wants to add me and I do not know them from a can of pain...then I look at their profile thouroughly...if ANYTHING puts me off (no pics, no info, not enough pics, pervy pics, nothing personal in profile, only a certain type of people on Flist, says married but they are obviously looking) etc. Just use common sense.

There are also girls who only have guys on their Flist. It's not a gender thing. People are fake online.

Most of the people on my Flist are RL Friends. I know a lot of freaking people having live in California, Idaho and now the UK. There are a couple of BBW's I do not know, but I judged their profiles just as harshly as I would a guys. Then the rest of the people are Dims people.

MySpace is known for people being fake...that why they have all the stories about girls pretending to be older and old pervs pretending to be something they are not to get the young girls.

The internet is like interactive TV...don't believe anything.


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## JMCGB (May 3, 2007)

Its unfortuneate that some guys do that. Granted not all are going to be out of the closet yet, some just might not be ready. But how anyone could be ashamed of dating someone like Kenzie or any of the many beautiful women here on Dims is beyond me. Hopefully some of those guys will read Kezie's post and wake up. Not worrying about what others think of who and what you like is one of the best feelings in the world.


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## alienlanes (May 3, 2007)

One unified Myspace page FTW! (It's in my user profile -- you're all welcome to friend me.)

I seem to remember there being a thread about this a while back, though, and someone pointed out that a lot of guys don't like having paysite promos showing up in their regular comments box. You can be an out FA with BBW friends and still not want to have explicit/erotic photos showing up on your public profile. I love to meet new Myspace peeps, but I don't like to friend paysites for just that reason. 

Plus I'm against picture comments on general principles, 'cause I don't like all the glittery and sparkly junk. If you have something to say to me, say it with plain ASCII .


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 3, 2007)

This1Yankee said:


> I used to get angry with this. Not so much because they have two sites, but because there are some people who you talk to for a long time, you've told them things that you wouldn't tell other people, there may have been a little romance involved, even. Finding out that you are lumped into a totally separate, and mostly unspoken of, part of their life, when you've included them in your whole life so openly, stings a bit. It's a kind of rejection.
> 
> HOWEVER- when put into perspective: It's a website. It's trivial, and silly, and it's not supposed to incite this much drama.
> 
> My site is the only one that I have. I include Dims friends and IRL friends. I think that in this case, if you are only allowing FA's access to your business site and not to your 'personal' one, then they have no reason to allow you into their personal site. Can't have your cake and eat it too. (Not that you, Kenzie, are doing this, I'm just using your situation as an example)



Good points- it wouldn't let me rep you


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## This1Yankee (May 3, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> Plus I'm against picture comments on general principles, 'cause I don't like all the glittery and sparkly junk. If you have something to say to me, say it with plain ASCII .


 
I hear THAT! I made my comments "approval required" a long time ago, because that was just getting ridiculous. Every once in a while I'll let one slide, if it's really funny.


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## liz (di-va) (May 3, 2007)

I feel ya, Kenzie. There was a big discussion of this on that thread about closeted FAs a few months ago...people were commenting on the "double-myspace" phenom. When it's clearly set up to chase chicks it's tacky as hell, and when it's got that closeted edge to it, more than tacky. Granted, myspace is tacky as hell too--but still. It's gross to see outward and visible evidence of someone's lack of courage about their personal life. Just a new variation on liking it between the sheets and not on the streets!


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## Carrie (May 3, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> Plus I'm against picture comments on general principles, 'cause I don't like all the glittery and sparkly junk. If you have something to say to me, say it with plain ASCII .



The only thing I really miss about MySpace is leaving incredibly obnoxious, large and glittery comments on TheSadeianLinguist's page, like rainbow unicorns and Precious Moments images and stuff. I loved imagining her seeing them and the resulting stomach lurches from the grossness of it all. :happy:


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## toni (May 3, 2007)

This1Yankee said:


> HOWEVER- when put into perspective: It's a website. It's trivial, and silly, and it's not supposed to incite this much drama.



I disagree. I really do not feel she is being dramatic, drama is a pretty strong word. This type of thing is a reflection of how a person would likely treat a bbw in real life if given the chance. Section her off from his real friends and keep her hidden. I can totally understand her rant. I get invites from these jerks all the time. You click on their profile and all they have are 300 fat chicks on there. They are indulging their desires but they do not have to be honest about it with their friends and familes. It is total exploitation.


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## toni (May 3, 2007)

liz (di-va) said:


> Just a new variation on liking it between the sheets and not on the streets!



AMEN SISTER!!!


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## This1Yankee (May 3, 2007)

toni said:


> I disagree. I really do not feel she is being dramatic, drama is a pretty strong word. This type of thing is a reflection of how a person would likely treat a bbw in real life if given the chance. Section her off from his real friends and keep her hidden. I can totally understand her rant. I get invites from these jerks all the time. You click on their profile and all they have are 300 fat chicks on there. They are indulging their desires but they do not have to be honest about it with their friends are familes. It is total exploitation.


 

I didn't mean HER drama, I meant in general. Myspace "drama" is rampant, and I just don't understand why. People get all riled up about not being on someone's Top Friends list, not having their "status" of relationship changed the second that they get into a relationship, comments left by other people, what's written in a blog, etc.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 3, 2007)

toni said:


> I disagree. I really do not feel she is being dramatic, drama is a pretty strong word. This type of thing is a reflection of how a person would likely treat a bbw in real life if given the chance. Section her off from his real friends and keep her hidden. I can totally understand her rant. I get invites from these jerks all the time. You click on their profile and all they have are 300 fat chicks on there. They are indulging their desires but they do not have to be honest about it with their friends are familes. It is total exploitation.



You just made a good point
I do think, though, that there are a LOT of assholes on the net - they are assholes to everyone too- not just larger ladies


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## toni (May 3, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You just made a good point
> I do think, though, that there are a LOT of assholes on the net - they are assholes to everyone too- not just larger ladies



Thanks!
Yes I am aware of that but I am only concerned about the ones who are doing US wrong. So I am just going to concentrate on them.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 3, 2007)

toni said:


> Thanks!
> Yes I am aware of that but I am only concerned about the ones who are doing US wrong. So I am just going to concentrate on them.




Lol- okay  .


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## alienlanes (May 3, 2007)

toni said:


> I disagree. I really do not feel she is being dramatic, drama is a pretty strong word. This type of thing is a reflection of how a person would likely treat a bbw in real life if given the chance. Section her off from his real friends and keep her hidden. I can totally understand her rant. I get invites from these jerks all the time. You click on their profile and all they have are 300 fat chicks on there. They are indulging their desires but they do not have to be honest about it with their friends are familes. It is total exploitation.



Yeah, I agree with Toni. Some Myspace drama is just interwebs silliness, but at the same time, social networking sites have become an important part of people's real-world social lives -- I use Myspace to keep in touch with a lot of my friends from high school and college. So if a guy isn't open about fat admiration on his "real" Myspace, that probably means he isn't open about it in his daily life, either.


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## toni (May 3, 2007)

This1Yankee said:


> I didn't mean HER drama, I meant in general. Myspace "drama" is rampant, and I just don't understand why. People get all riled up about not being on someone's Top Friends list, not having their "status" of relationship changed the second that they get into a relationship, comments left by other people, what's written in a blog, etc.



Yes, you are right about that. Sorry for the misunderstanding.:bow: 

*sigh* But would myspace really be as fun if your friends didn't agrue about who is in the top slots? I think its very humorous how people get all bent out of shape over that. I like switching my friends up just to get them all annoyed. :shocked:


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (May 3, 2007)

A lot of this could also be applied to multiple e-mail accounts. Why bother making 4 or 5 e-mails just so each can serve one purpose alone? I have two now only because I was tired of my myspace being phished, even though I barely use the thing. However, I can understand both sides of the coin, and though it makes more sense to not misrepresent yourself (blogs and myspaces should represent YOU, your thoughts and opinions, otherwise they serve no purpose) we're all human... The internet brings out the worst in some people...


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## supersoup (May 3, 2007)

i'm not ever on myspace enough to worry about top spots and all that. the people i add are people i enjoy, and i hate ranking systems, it's stupid.


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## BothGunsBlazing (May 3, 2007)

Because of Myspace picture "angles" no one will ever truly be able to come out as an FA! Oh noes!


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## supersoup (May 3, 2007)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Because of Myspace picture "angles" no one will ever truly be able to come out as an FA! Oh noes!



hahaha, true!

or, you can be like me just to spite the angles... full on body shot!!! egads!


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## OfftoOtherPlaces (May 3, 2007)

kenzie_kutie said:


> like some might say.. well some chicks have 2 myspace, and yes thats true. i do have 2 myspaces... but one is a *business one*. and the other is all my friends that i talk to on a daily basis. my "kenzie" myspace is for advertising my site and BODacious magazine... its strictly business. and guys have no reason at all to make 2 of them. they should be comfortable enough with themselves if they proclaim to "love big girls."



If_ I _start a paysite, can _I_ have two myspace pages?


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## BBWTexan (May 3, 2007)

With one or two exceptions, everyone on my page is a real-life friend. I'm not totally against spreading the friendship beyond those bounds, but I immediately deny anyone whom I deem to be a 'fat collector.'


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## Tina (May 3, 2007)

You know, in a way it's good they do this. It makes it easier to weed out the assholes.


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## BigCutieSasha (May 3, 2007)

Yeah, I had to make 2 pages since having a paysite can bring around some interesting characters. I have teenagers from a camp I taught at on my "real" page. I don't want them to have to see comments that paysite members would leave me. 

I think the rant that Kenzie is on about it because a boy who recently introduced himself here on Dims called himself an out of the closet FA. When he really is very much the opposite. He could be called one of those "Fatty Collectors" who basically flirts with every girl, all the while have a gf. 

Plain and simple. Myspace drama. lol


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (May 3, 2007)

Exactly! What a shame the system won't let me rep you yet!



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You just made a good point
> I do think, though, that there are a LOT of assholes on the net - they are assholes to everyone too- not just larger ladies


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## James (May 3, 2007)

Myspace - "a place for friends". If you take the slogan literally I think the drama level tends to go down a tad. I got one myspace page... it says I'm an FA on there but its not an "FA myspace". Just my friends (some of whom are BBWs). 

Nice and simple eh?


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## BubbleButtBabe (May 3, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> Yeah, I agree with Toni. Some Myspace drama is just interwebs silliness, but at the same time, social networking sites have become an important part of people's real-world social lives -- I use Myspace to keep in touch with a lot of my friends from high school and college. So if a guy isn't open about fat admiration on his "real" Myspace, that probably means he isn't open about it in his daily life, either.


 
Maybe it has become to big of a part of people's real-world social lives? I have a couple of friends on there and they can not talk to you until they check out their web page..Glad I never went to the site! I understand using MySpace to keep in touch with friends that seems to be one of it's finer qualities!.. 

Like GEF said there are assholes all over the world,on line and off line..Just on line they think they are hidden and can do what ever they want to people and get away with it.. 

I really feel for these children and yes they are children,little scared boys..They are not mature enough to realize what their friends thinks about whom they date is childish..10 or so years down the road they will be kicking themselves in the ass for not standing up and proclaiming who they really are and what they want out of life<shrugs> it happens all the time..Hell in 10 or so years the friends they have now probably wont even remember their name or how they were such good friends.. 

Maturity takes your life on different journeys and by the time you get married and even possibly have children,most of the people that mattered in your late teens and early twenties wont matter at all..Very few stay your friends your entire adult life..We live to busy of a life for that to happen..


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## Jon Blaze (May 3, 2007)

I've heard about this before. It's hard for me to judge because I think the teenage FAs (Below 18 for example) are kind of justified. I was in the closet from age 12 to around 17. I didn't make two accounts so people didn't know though. I was open to telling my parents from the beginning. They didn't speak much of it though... My step dad just asked me about it when I was around 13. All I could say back then was "I don't know why." Over time it turned into "I like what I like. If you have problem with it, it's your problem."

All it took in the end was for me to say: I'm already looking down upon a society for promoting fat hatred, and thinness as a virtue. If my friends have a problem with it: They don't have to be my friends.

If these guys are like 24, I might raise my eyebrow on the subject, but like 16? Welllllllllll.... I won't touch on that.

You have to ask yourself this too: Would you rather them hurt a bbw like yourself because they aren't out of closet, or do this?

As for two myspaces: I know some of us aren't worthy of being on your personal space, but is an occasional message too much to ask? I'd like to speak to the ladies I'm adding every once in awhile. That's of course if I've said something in return, however.


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## BothGunsBlazing (May 3, 2007)

BBWTexan said:


> With one or two exceptions, everyone on my page is a real-life friend. I'm not totally against spreading the friendship beyond those bounds, but I immediately deny anyone whom I deem to be a 'fat collector.'



Jar o' BBW. 

I .. NEED that.


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## This1Yankee (May 3, 2007)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Jar o' BBW.
> 
> I .. NEED that.


 

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA. I can't rep you yet. Damn. This is funny though. Later


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## Accept (May 3, 2007)

kenzie_kutie said:


> and guys have no reason at all to make 2 of them. they should be comfortable enough with themselves if they proclaim to "love big girls."



Although I'm not one of those guys, there might occasionally be good reasons for a guy to have two different accounts. For instance, I have Sasha as one of my friends on MySpace -- I also have Kerry's mom as a friend. Sometimes I wonder what Kerry's mom would think if she looked at my friends list and saw a woman taking off her pants! But whatever.

In other words, even if the "fat chick" factor is no longer an issue for how the guy sees himself in front of his friends, I think the "risque" factor can still be an issue. His friends and family could easily think that instead of having you "friended" as a friend, he has you "friended" as an internet ogle-object. And I could understand guys who don't want to give off that impression.

As far as "fatty collectors" go, though -- that's just sad.


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## jennycom (May 3, 2007)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Jar o' BBW.
> 
> I .. NEED that.



OK i gotta tell ya -
That really comes off as kind of serial-killer-cut-bbws-up-into-pieces creepy and i know you didn't mean it that way. LOL


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## BigCutieSasha (May 3, 2007)

Accept said:


> I have Sasha as one of my friends on MySpace -- I also have Kerry's mom as a friend. Sometimes I wonder what Kerry's mom would think if she looked at my friends list and saw a woman taking off her pants! But whatever.


 
*Laughing and also feeling bad*  I might need to change that picture. lol 

Kenzie's response to all this is much more on a personal level. I think it was more directed toward the guys who are ashamed. Like say having the big girls "real life" myspace on his "real life" myspace. Then deleting her and any fat related person on there because he didn't want his friends to make fun of him.


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## collegeguy2514 (May 3, 2007)

i can kinda see both side of this argument. 

on one hand, i've thought about making another myspace. one for my friends, and one for the "gaining comunity" or whatever you want to call it. 

most of my close friends know my preference for larger ladies. i dont hide that at all. but, i do hide the fact that i love seeing women gain wait, and i especially hide the fact that im getting fatter on purpose; all of which i'd be open with on a "fat" myspace. 

the main reason i dont let my friends know stuff like this is frankly, i dont think they need to know. that, and i dont feel like answering a bunch of dumbass questions about it. 

does that make me a bad person?


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## BBWTexan (May 3, 2007)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Jar o' BBW.
> 
> I .. NEED that.



That better be a pretty big jar!


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## Tim_FA (May 3, 2007)

BBWTexan said:


> With one or two exceptions, everyone on my page is a real-life friend. I'm not totally against spreading the friendship beyond those bounds, but I immediately deny anyone whom I deem to be a 'fat collector.'



Interesting, I recently had someone (not you) tell me that she wouldn't add me because I was a "fatty collector", which is funny, because I located her on a guys page that I deemed a fat collector...lol
Anyways, like my profile states, I'm on myspace networking with BBW's and FA's, just trying to create my own little universe which celebrates the full figured woman and the men that adore them .


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## kenzie_kutie (May 3, 2007)

BigCutieSasha said:


> Yeah, I had to make 2 pages since having a paysite can bring around some interesting characters. I have teenagers from a camp I taught at on my "real" page. I don't want them to have to see comments that paysite members would leave me.
> 
> I think the rant that Kenzie is on about it because a boy who recently introduced himself here on Dims called himself an out of the closet FA. When he really is very much the opposite. He could be called one of those "Fatty Collectors" who basically flirts with every girl, all the while have a gf.
> 
> Plain and simple. Myspace drama. lol




i love you sasha haha.. have i told u that lately?!?!


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## alienlanes (May 3, 2007)

collegeguy2514 said:


> i can kinda see both side of this argument.
> 
> on one hand, i've thought about making another myspace. one for my friends, and one for the "gaining comunity" or whatever you want to call it.
> 
> ...



Nah, I don't think so. Totally hiding your preference for fat women would be wrong, but I don't think it's unreasonable not to want to post explicit fetish talk in a public profile.

I don't use Myspace to blog, but I do use Livejournal, and I don't post anything WG-related there. Not only would I feel nervous about my privacy (I have a lot of casual LJ friends whom I don't know in real life), I'd feel like I was shoving my kink in people's faces when they didn't necessarily want to hear about it. I wouldn't deny it, if they somehow found out about it -- my avatar is a picture of my real face, and I've been pretty open and vocal about my kinks over in the Weight Board -- but I don't think it's something I'm ethically obligated to reveal to the general public. 

Being an FA _is_ something that I think I (and others) need to be open about. I don't go around telling everyone "Hi, I'm Nick and I like fat chicks!", but I don't make any effort to hide it. If you have a fat partner, or are fat yourself, people are going to notice, so you'd better be willing to stand up for yourself; if you try to conceal it, you'll end up treating your partner (and yourself!) badly. But you don't need to tell other people exactly what the two of you do in the bedroom, whether it's whips-n-chains or cupcakes-n-ice-cream.


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## BBWTexan (May 3, 2007)

Tim_FA said:


> Interesting, I recently had someone (not you) tell me that she wouldn't add me because I was a "fatty collector", which is funny, because I located her on a guys page that I deemed a fat collector...lol
> Anyways, like my profile states, I'm on myspace networking with BBW's and FA's, just trying to create my own little universe which celebrates the full figured woman and the men that adore them .



I should probably make myself a little more clear about it as I see now how that might have sounded.

The ones I'm talking about are guys who usually either have no picture or the picture is not of them. Additionally, there's no personal information and all the page consists of are pictures of fat girls.

Guys like you who happen to actually exist as an FA outside of MySpace are different and not the 'collectors' that I was referring to.


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## kenzie_kutie (May 3, 2007)

"Being an FA is something that I think I (and others) need to be open about. I don't go around telling everyone "Hi, I'm Nick and I like fat chicks!", but don't I make any effort to hide it."

thats exactly what i mean nick... 

i didn't mean to like single out all guys that have 2 myspaces, b/c i agree with some that having ur mom and a girl half naked on the same profile can be a lil weird haha BUT... like normal big girls with just a picture of their face? or something to that sort... i mean, cmon haha

oh and i didn't mean to cause drama or anything, this is just something thats been on my mind lately...


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## elle camino (May 3, 2007)

yeah i have nothing profound to add to this, but i can say that ever since sasha put me on her top 16 (24? whatever), i've been getting adds from some VERY interesting people. wait actually not interesting. just creepy. very creepy people. good thing i find it totally hilarious and am not annoyed by it at all, really. i mean it's not like i actually approve them. 
i'd say about 99% of them try to add me to their 'fat girl myspaces', like the OP was talking about. which is just pathetic. 
but the really funny thing is...i don't have a paysite/nakedlady type profile, and all of their other 'friends' always do. which means that...even though my myspace is totally NOT a business thing, it looks like it is, to creeps. kind of unsettling.


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## Jon Blaze (May 3, 2007)

kenzie_kutie said:


> "Being an FA is something that I think I (and others) need to be open about. I don't go around telling everyone "Hi, I'm Nick and I like fat chicks!", but don't I make any effort to hide it."
> 
> thats exactly what i mean nick...
> 
> ...



It's all gravy in the spoon of life.  

This is the place where you can and should talk about things such at these Kenzie. Relax and express yourself!


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## AnnMarie (May 3, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> One unified Myspace page FTW! (It's in my user profile -- you're all welcome to friend me.)
> 
> I seem to remember there being a thread about this a while back, though, and someone pointed out that a lot of guys don't like having paysite promos showing up in their regular comments box. You can be an out FA with BBW friends and still not want to have explicit/erotic photos showing up on your public profile. I love to meet new Myspace peeps, but I don't like to friend paysites for just that reason.
> 
> Plus I'm against picture comments on general principles, 'cause I don't like all the glittery and sparkly junk. If you have something to say to me, say it with plain ASCII .



You can just turn off the ability for people to leave pictures, and you can also just remove any comments left that you don't "like"... so it's really not a problem. 

I rarely ask anyone to add me to their space, it's all requests... but I also don't use myspace to spam comments around, etc. I have left a handful of people "drop by" messages in the time I've been on there... it's super rare. 

So, point is (after that), sometimes a girl might have a paysite, but that's not the only/main reason she's got the myspace. I don't have two pages - it's just me, AnnMarie chick/model/moron.


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## kenzie_kutie (May 3, 2007)

"So, point is (after that), sometimes a girl might have a paysite, but that's not the only/main reason she's got the myspace. I don't have two pages - it's just me, AnnMarie chick/model/moron."

Yeah i'd be the same way too, but like i have brothers who are 12-16 who have a myspace and they don't know about my adult modeling, so that would be a lil weird for them to see their sister all lookin sexy and shit lol


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## GWARrior (May 3, 2007)

im way too lazy to comment on other peopls myspace.

and i <3 my myspace.


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## AnnMarie (May 3, 2007)

kenzie_kutie said:


> Yeah i'd be the same way too, but like i have brothers who are 12-16 who have a myspace and they don't know about my adult modeling, so that would be a lil weird for them to see their sister all lookin sexy and shit lol



Oh yeah, I don't blame you at all for that... I simply meant that not everyone there with a paysite is there _just_ to peddle there wares.


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## James (May 3, 2007)

elle camino said:


> yeah i have nothing profound to add to this, but i can say that ever since sasha put me on her top 16 (24? whatever), i've been getting adds from some VERY interesting people. wait actually not interesting. just creepy. very creepy people. good thing i find it totally hilarious and am not annoyed by it at all, really. i mean it's not like i actually approve them.
> i'd say about 99% of them try to add me to their 'fat girl myspaces', like the OP was talking about. which is just pathetic.
> but the really funny thing is...i don't have a paysite/nakedlady type profile, and all of their other 'friends' always do. which means that...even though my myspace is totally NOT a business thing, it looks like it is, to creeps. kind of unsettling.



_The cruffatin liveth
One hope one quest! _

ta for the add as they say in myspaceland


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## wrestlingguy (May 4, 2007)

BBWTexan said:


> With one or two exceptions, everyone on my page is a real-life friend. I'm not totally against spreading the friendship beyond those bounds, but I immediately deny anyone whom I deem to be a 'fat collector.'



I'll take it one step further. I add people who are important to me, even if they don't know who I am. For example, a lot of my MySpace Music people got added to my friends list, but I typically will contact each one personally to 1. see if it's really them, or their agent/promoter, and 2. to tell them why I'd like them to add me, why I like their music, etc.

As for people who want to add me, the same holds true. If I don't know them, I'll send a message to ask how they found me, and why they want to add me as a friend. Then I make my decision. Some one to ask me questions about Carla, which I'll answer, but deny their friend request. While I have a lot of "curvies" on my friends list, they are really friends, not "peeps" I want to collect.


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## mitsuko (May 8, 2007)

I do this, I'll admit. The question is, do you blame guys like me or the world for making guys like me take a ton of shit just for having their own preference?


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## alienlanes (May 8, 2007)

mitsuko said:


> I do this, I'll admit. The question is, do you blame guys like me or the world for making guys like me take a ton of shit just for having their own preference?



Guys like you.

Nah, kidding (sorta). I know how tough it can be to have a "weird" preference, especially when it feels like you're the only one. But FAs like you and me have it a lot easier than some people, and if we want to have healthy, happy sexual and romantic lives, we need to come to terms with who we are.

So let me say, from one FA to another: come out of the closet. It's not as scary a step as it seems, and we're having a lot of fun out here.


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## elle camino (May 8, 2007)

mitsuko said:


> I do this, I'll admit. The question is, do you blame guys like me or the world for making guys like me take a ton of shit just for having their own preference?



guys like you.

not kidding.


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## Eclectic_Girl (May 8, 2007)

mitsuko said:


> I do this, I'll admit. The question is, do you blame guys like me or the world for making guys like me take a ton of shit just for having their own preference?



Just because the world gives you shit doesn't mean you have to take it and carry it around with you.


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## supersoup (May 8, 2007)

mitsuko said:


> I do this, I'll admit. The question is, do you blame guys like me or the world for making guys like me take a ton of shit just for having their own preference?



nah, don't blame ya at all.

in turn, don't blame the beautiful fatties you trick into dating you for leaving your arse when they realize that poor you is taking so much shit for dating them. it's for your own good after all, right? so you don't have to deal with all the shit thrown at ya for your preference...you can just shoulder the burden ALONE.


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## BigCutieSasha (May 8, 2007)

elle camino said:


> yeah i have nothing profound to add to this, but i can say that ever since sasha put me on her top 16 (24? whatever), i've been getting adds from some VERY interesting people. wait actually not interesting. just creepy. very creepy people. good thing i find it totally hilarious and am not annoyed by it at all, really. i mean it's not like i actually approve them.
> i'd say about 99% of them try to add me to their 'fat girl myspaces', like the OP was talking about. which is just pathetic.
> but the really funny thing is...i don't have a paysite/nakedlady type profile, and all of their other 'friends' always do. which means that...even though my myspace is totally NOT a business thing, it looks like it is, to creeps. kind of unsettling.



lol Im sorry


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## elle camino (May 8, 2007)

haha don't be! seriously, it's always entertaining. <3


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## alienlanes (May 8, 2007)

(Tried to add this as an edit to my last message, but I took too long to write it and the timer expired.)

Maybe I'm not being hard enough on Mitsuko here. But I remember what it was like to be a closeted FA, and I'm trying to help him out instead of jumping on him.

That said, though: Mitsuko, this is something you're going to _have_ to deal with eventually. I assume you're a young guy, like I am, and I know you don't want to be forty years old and still fapping to paysites. At some point you're going to have to suck it up and accept that some people are going to give you shit about your preferences. Not as many as you might expect, if your experience is anything like mine, but some -- and if you want to have a fulfilling life you're going to have to learn to deal with it. It's hard at first, but it gets easier.

I always feel like an after-school special when I say this, but if your friends can't accept you for who you are, then _they're not really your friends._


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## elle camino (May 8, 2007)

i don't think anyone's really 'jumping on' the guy, though. what kind of reaction are fat women _supposed_ to have to a guy admitting he's ashamed of being attracted to fat women?
as always when it comes to dealing with closet FA threads on this board: i almost think we're being too _nice_.


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## alienlanes (May 8, 2007)

elle camino said:


> i don't think anyone's really 'jumping on' the guy, though. what kind of reaction are fat women _supposed_ to have to a guy admitting he's ashamed of being attracted to fat women?
> as always when it comes to dealing with closet FA threads on this board: i almost think we're being too _nice_.



Fair enough, and no, I don't think you or any of the other people who've responded so far have jumped on him. You have every right to tell him what you think -- and I understand that from the BBW perspective, the stupid things closeted FAs do are just so much more BS that you (as fat people and as women) shouldn't have to deal with.

I'm still trying to work out for myself what I think the appropriate response should be; there's a part of me that just wants to tell him to suck it up and deal, but although that's easy for me to say _now_, I was in his situation myself once upon a time, so I know that that can be a lot more difficult than it sounds. Most FAs, myself very much included, have had to go through a process of self-acceptance before they can be totally comfortable with their desires. 

As an FA, I think he should be given the benefit of the doubt as someone who's still coming to terms with his sexuality, and as an out FA I feel responsible for trying to help him (or anyone else in his situation) get his shit together. *But*, I don't have a good answer to your question about what kind of reaction you should be having, because nobody should have to deal with the kind of shit that closeted FAs put you BBWs through. And it's not fair of me to ask that the BBWs here be less than frank with him, which I realize is what I probably seem to be implying, just because he's not all the way to self-acceptance yet.

I'm going to have to think more about this once I've had some sleep.


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## BeaBea (May 8, 2007)

I think Slacker FA's post is really beautifully worded response and I appreciate everything he's trying to say about how hard it is to come out of the closet. The problem is though that the 'closet' option is never afforded to fat people - we dont get to pretend to be thin until we choose to reveal our fatness...

I try really hard not to judge FAs who are still in the closet but unless he was making steps to come out of the closet then I dont think I'd respect him.

And he definitely wouldn't get a date until he was out of the closet, had nailed the door shut behind him and was wearing a t-shirt saying 'I love fat Chicks'... 

Regarding the myspace question, my page is a mixture of business and personal stuff and my friends are a blend of mates, family and customers. Its a different situation from paysite girls though and I completely understand their need to be sensitive about who sees what and to have two pages. As for the fatty-collectors. Lol. I dont object too much to their requests and possibly I'd never find out that they have a second page. 

The ones I -really- object to are the ones which ignore everything I say about size acceptance and try to flog me some weight loss snakeoil like Anatrim. They get denied and if I have time I write and tell them exactly why too. 

Tracey xx


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## BigFriendlyDave (May 8, 2007)

BeaBea said:


> I think Slacker FA's post is really beautifully worded response and I appreciate everything he's trying to say about how hard it is to come out of the closet. The problem is though that the 'closet' option is never afforded to fat people - we dont get to pretend to be thin until we choose to reveal our fatness...
> 
> I try really hard not to judge FAs who are still in the closet but unless he was making steps to come out of the closet then I dont think I'd respect him.
> 
> ...



An eloquent reply. I've never thought of myself in any sort of closet, being both a fat admirer, and a fat bloke. Then again, I only became aware of this site a short while ago and it has opened my eyes. 

By all means criticize, but there must be some FAs out there that just need a little guidance. Show them the signs, get them to move in roughly the right direction, some may take large steps, some small. Some may stray but in the end, they'll get there. I'm not saying lead them blindly, or like sheep, but just bring them on that journey. 

Me. I'm off to find out where I can get one of those t-shirts and to add stuff to my myspace.

dX


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## Jon Blaze (May 8, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> Fair enough, and no, I don't think you or any of the other people who've responded so far have jumped on him. You have every right to tell him what you think -- and I understand that from the BBW perspective, the stupid things closeted FAs do are just so much more BS that you (as fat people and as women) shouldn't have to deal with.
> 
> I'm still trying to work out for myself what I think the appropriate response should be; there's a part of me that just wants to tell him to suck it up and deal, but although that's easy for me to say _now_, I was in his situation myself once upon a time, so I know that that can be a lot more difficult than it sounds. Most FAs, myself very much included, have had to go through a process of self-acceptance before they can be totally comfortable with their desires.
> 
> ...




There's a good point: There is no pain in things in moderation. Don't give them 40 lashes, but don't treat them like children!  Just messing....

For me: I really think you have to examine it for yourself before you decide whether or not you should respond in a certain way.

Age tends to be a big factor in my book. I was only 12 when I first started thinking about everything, but of course back then, I was in the closet. My preference for larger women was incognito back then, and every once in awhile I would get caught saying the wrong things about fat people in general. It wasn't enough for it to define me, but I did do it. I was young though. I know people under 18 aren't suppose to be here, but you know for a fact they're are men/women in the closet right now of many varying ages that are watching this and other posts that are aligned to it.

I always kept myself on my toes about it though. After I "Converted" a friend, I knew I probably wasn't the only one. That was one thing that kept me going. It was also great because my stepfather is a weight bigot, and it he tried his best to make it wear off. Thank god that never worked....  

The way they tend to respond is a big thing for me too. If they have an "FA myspace" that has many images, video, and strong messages tied to fat admiration (Maybe a dash of thin hatred [That's not me]), you might expect them to be out.
If they have a more calm approach to it (Maybe just a couple words, and a rather sexy plus-size top 8-24 por ejemple  ), but they still have the other myspace, I wouldn't mind it off of the back. Especially if they are under 18.

Some of these closet FA's have apporached me too. They've always approached me relatively calm with messages that seem true. I always respond in a nice manner as well, because I don't want them to feel like outcasts or ashamed. I rarely know their true whereabouts, and that is another reason why I don't want to jump the gun.

My personal bout ended with my look at society equating thinness with beauty and health at every moment. I still look down upon society as being depraved today.

"You let a knife and fork dig your grave."

"You let misconstrued science and images on the cover of a magazine define what is beautiful for you. Why can't you think for yourself?"


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## FA to the Bone (May 8, 2007)

:kiss2: *Dear LADIES and Esteemed GENTLEMEN

How are all of You?
Well, I have a myspace only with few specail BBW friends from here... but it isn´t my fault... all my brazilian friends don´t have a "myspace", they prefer to play at "orkut.com", which I hate it... anyway, I´m just trying to say that I´m a proud FA and all my relatives and friends knows it... "all rule have exceptions"... Thanks everyone for atention...*


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## RedVelvet (May 8, 2007)

mitsuko said:


> I do this, I'll admit. The question is, do you blame guys like me or the world for making guys like me take a ton of shit just for having their own preference?




Guys like you..completely.


Spine, Meet Mitsuko....


Alas....I'm the intolerant bitch when it comes to this....

There are plenty of women here that will, with compassion I cant even imagine, coax you outta your shell....

Me, I only deal with men who are WAY past that phase.

You must be beyond this emotional height to ride THIS ride, baby.


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## liz (di-va) (May 8, 2007)

On an individual level: I'm not anybody's social worker--I wouldn't date an FA in the closet, and I don't see it as my job to coax him out, for my benefit or his.

However, I do support people coming out *in general*--we don't seem to make that distinction when we talk about This Issue. NO, I don't think it's the hardest thing any one person has to do, admitting they like fat chicks. Which is why I wouldn't bother myself with anybody who hadn't made that journey for themselves; it indicates at the very least a lack of connection with one's own desires and feelings which would be fundamentally problematic in a relationship. But I believe in encouraging people to come out in general, in solid, non mealy-mouthed ways. I mean, what--is the world full of *too many* FAs? Are we over-run with dudes that like fat girls? Come out come out come out. 

This issue always gets so polarized...I guess it's the damage that closeted folk can do. Which I haven't been immune from myself. I hate players and chronic closet cases and people living on the DL who should really know better--who've had every opportunity to know better and choose not to, choose deliberately to hurt people and themselves, over and over. But for people feeling their way through life for the first time...tis good to encourage the right moves I think, that's all.



mitsuko said:


> I do this, I'll admit. The question is, do you blame guys like me or the world for making guys like me take a ton of shit just for having their own preference?



So, I don't know which category you fit in, Mitsuko, but stop using the word 'blame'--it makes it sound like this is a situation you don't think you can change. You can. What if you were gay and asking this on an LBGT forum about coming out? What would people say? The world is a mess...you have to find your own happiness. And there's more actual happiness in the Out direction. If you're not gonna take it...get rid of your second myspace page.


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## BigCutieSasha (May 8, 2007)

I heard that this FA that Kenzie talks of, thinks I don't like him. Well, he would be correct. I'm not a fan of closet FA's. At least those who lie about it. I think its attractive when a man is confident enough in himself to be able to say, "Fuck it, I don't care what the world thinks." A guy who tries to say hes an open FA but really isn't, that creates a new low, in my opinion.


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## Chimpi (May 8, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> Plus I'm against picture comments on general principles, 'cause I don't like all the glittery and sparkly junk. If you have something to say to me, say it with plain ASCII .



I completely agree here. Where I do allow pictures on my comments on MySpace, I do not allow any animated images at all, for any reason. A few people have gotten a little peeved at me for deleting their comment, but I've warned everyone about No-Animated-Images! 



SlackerFA said:


> I wouldn't deny it, if they somehow found out about it -- my avatar is a picture of my real face, and I've been pretty open and vocal about my kinks over in the Weight Board -- but I don't think it's something I'm ethically obligated to reveal to the general public.
> 
> Being an FA _is_ something that I think I (and others) need to be open about. I don't go around telling everyone "Hi, I'm Nick and I like fat chicks!", but I don't make any effort to hide it.



Agreed. That has been my attitude, as well. I do not pre-emptively strike them with the fact that I like fat chicks, but if they bring it up, or it just happens to come up, I have no problem talking about it.

However, I do have one (1) MySpace page (my only one), and I am open about my preference for fat women in the "About Me" section, just because it is something that makes me me! As many people here have stated, if you are a fat person, there is no hiding it. I like what I like, if people want to know about me, I'll let them know. *shrugs*

I also have my family on my friends list (they're first in line, always), but I also have some adult pay-site related people and pages, and there's no shame (in my eyes) for them to post any revealing pictures on my comments. I could care less what people think about me, but my mom even has access to see who and what people comment on my page. I suppose I'm weird for not finding that weird.


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## gypsy (May 9, 2007)

BBWTexan said:


> With one or two exceptions, everyone on my page is a real-life friend. I'm not totally against spreading the friendship beyond those bounds, but I immediately deny anyone whom I deem to be a 'fat collector.'



Ditto. I also deny anyone who can't be bothered sending me a quick email first to show they are actually *interested* in being on my friends list, as well as dorks that have absolutely NOTHING in common with me.


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## gypsy (May 9, 2007)

mitsuko said:


> I do this, I'll admit. The question is, do you blame guys like me or the world for making guys like me take a ton of shit just for having their own preference?



I'd have to say that I would blame you for this - don't blame society - blame yourself for not having to guts to stand up for yourself and for what you like and dislike. How is something like that any different from, say, not allowing african americans or asians because you don't like them? It's not.

And before you flame me remember - you asked.


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## GunnDancer (May 9, 2007)

Woo, it's been a while. You know, it's interesting to read these posts because I've never been a closet FA, not really. Even at age twelve, when all my friends were still obsessed with breasts (don't get me wrong, love 'em) and they would ask me what my favorite part of a girl was, I'd say thighs and butt and I liked them big. (It's a twelve year old thing, not a male chauvenestic pig thing). They'd ask me why and honestly at that time I didn't have an answer, I just know I liked large women. 

As far as guys who are closet FA's, well, I think that by having a separate myspace page you completely obliterate your excuse. And this is not meant as an insult to the lovely ladies here, just to illustrate the point that there excuse is moot-It reminds me of that ignorant saying you'll hear some guys use "A fat chick is like a moped, fun to ride but you don't want your friends to see". Now, there are some variations on this, but the point is that most people will acknowledge that larger ladies along with the thinner variety are very attractive, not in spite of there weight, but because of it. However, they aren't truly FA's, they are just...well...asses.

Now, I have met a few true closet FA's in my time. And you can pick them out a mile away. They're with a skinny girl, but not happy. Or they're always the ones that don't want to dance with the "hot girls". Or whatever. The point is, most true closet FA's are so shy about there preference, they don't really do anything to tip people off because of the stigma society has attached to this kind of thing. Of course there are exceptions and this "FA" in question could be the one. I don't know enough about this person to comment about them, but I have a sneaking suspicion they fall in to the "Ass" category and not the "Closet".

Oh well, those are just my two cents. Don't bite 'em, there wooden.


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## Ample Pie (May 9, 2007)

gypsy said:


> I'd have to say that I would blame you for this - don't blame society - blame yourself for not having to guts to stand up for yourself and for what you like and dislike. How is something like that any different from, say, not allowing african americans or asians because you don't like them? It's not.
> 
> And before you flame me remember - you asked.



good point.

--

Also, I hate those animated images, but I make them regularly (and as large as I can) to stick them on the pages of people who try to stick them on mine.

for instance:

blinkie revenge

Flyer blinkie

Hump Day Blinkie

Halloween

Valentine's day


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (May 9, 2007)

Rebecca said:


> good point.
> 
> --
> 
> ...




Ok Im going to sound dumb for asking this....is there a way to mass send comments? I feel like sometimes I am the victim of mass crappage.


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## kerrypop (May 9, 2007)

BigCutieSasha said:


> I heard that this FA that Kenzie talks of, thinks I don't like him. Well, he would be correct. I'm not a fan of closet FA's. At least those who lie about it. I think its attractive when a man is confident enough in himself to be able to say, "Fuck it, I don't care what the world thinks." A guy who tries to say hes an open FA but really isn't, that creates a new low, in my opinion.



I agree! I think it's super sexy when a guy is open about his preferences, however weird they may be. Stan has a shirt that indicates his preferences in the ladies, and he wears it pretty often. When people ask to clarify the meaning, one of us is always quick to respond: It means he likes fat girls. And... it's not that uncomfortable. Sometimes it is, but not usually. Most guys are just like, okay, cool. And that is that. I think its explaining it to girls that's harder than explaining it to guys.


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## furious styles (May 9, 2007)

this makes me ill, not even as an FA but as a human being

do these guys have separate myspaces for their black friends? do they have separate myspaces for anyone they know who might be gay? ugh.


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## kerrypop (May 9, 2007)

mfdoom said:


> this makes me ill, not even as an FA but as a human being
> 
> do these guys have separate myspaces for their black friends? do they have separate myspaces for anyone they know who might be gay? ugh.



I don't really take this perspective. I'm studying to be a teacher, and things like myspace and facebook and whatever else are becoming things for me to start thinking about... for example, if my students look me up on myspace, I think it would be cool to have them as friends or whatever. on the other hand, all of my college friends post comments about things that are completely inappropriate for 3rd graders. More and more jobs are looking at things like myspaces for potential hires... I can understand the perspective of not wanting to have 300 half nekkid friends on your professional myspace, or your family myspace, or whatever. I don't think its about having fat people as your friends, but having potential masturbation material on your friends list... there's kind of a stigma there... whether your wank fodder is skinny OR fat. Add to that the "in the closet FA"-ism... there's a stigma on top of a stigma, and then you just explode. or something. I don't agree with the choices of these guys, necessarily, but I can sort of maybe see where they're coming from kind of? I might be totally off base.


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## Emma (May 9, 2007)

mitsuko said:


> I do this, I'll admit. The question is, do you blame guys like me or the world for making guys like me take a ton of shit just for having their own preference?



Well if you feel like that, just imagine what BBWs have to go through. You're adding to their pain making them feel like they're something that has to be hidden. We're not freaks, monsters or some secret fetish to be hidden away. We're people, with real feelings.


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## furious styles (May 9, 2007)

kerrypop said:


> I don't really take this perspective. I'm studying to be a teacher, and things like myspace and facebook and whatever else are becoming things for me to start thinking about... for example, if my students look me up on myspace, I think it would be cool to have them as friends or whatever. on the other hand, all of my college friends post comments about things that are completely inappropriate for 3rd graders. More and more jobs are looking at things like myspaces for potential hires... I can understand the perspective of not wanting to have 300 half nekkid friends on your professional myspace, or your family myspace, or whatever. I don't think its about having fat people as your friends, but having potential masturbation material on your friends list... there's kind of a stigma there... whether your wank fodder is skinny OR fat. Add to that the "in the closet FA"-ism... there's a stigma on top of a stigma, and then you just explode. or something. I don't agree with the choices of these guys, necessarily, but I can sort of maybe see where they're coming from kind of? I might be totally off base.



myspace.com/tilatequila

2 million people don't seem to think so

..

the point i'm trying to make is that it's just fine to have "a bunch of hot chicks on your myspace." i'm a 19 year old guy, and in certain male circles, i know for a fact that the more silicone enhanced beanpoles you're friends with, the cooler you are.

if you're uncomfortable having a paysite model with racy photos as a friend, don't add them.


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## kerrypop (May 9, 2007)

mfdoom said:


> myspace.com/tilatequila
> 
> 2 million people don't seem to think so
> 
> ...



I think that you are totally right. In some male circles this is true. I think those male circles are where the problem lies... both with skinny and fat chicks, and why this is even a complaint in the first place. I was talking about how it's okay to have a professional family friendly myspace, and also a friends/people that say things you don't want your mom to hear type myspace. There is more than one viewpoint on this issue.


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## alienlanes (May 9, 2007)

kerrypop said:


> I agree! I think it's super sexy when a guy is open about his preferences, however weird they may be. Stan has a shirt that indicates his preferences in the ladies, and he wears it pretty often. When people ask to clarify the meaning, one of us is always quick to respond: It means he likes fat girls. And... it's not that uncomfortable. Sometimes it is, but not usually. Most guys are just like, okay, cool. And that is that. I think its explaining it to girls that's harder than explaining it to guys.



...what does it say, and where can I buy one ?

I promise I'll warn you if I'm ever passing through Oregon so that Stan and I don't have the embarrassing "two guys wearing the same t-shirt" situation .


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## BigFriendlyDave (May 9, 2007)

From my point of view I think we've got to get away from the thought that myspace is some sort of panacea. 

I'm happy to have a public face that says "I love fat girls", but the attitude change for FAs and going beyond that, the general hoi polloi, is to accept that big is beautiful, and they as a person should not automatically be treated as some sort of third-class citizen because of their personal choice.

Myspace is merely one delivery mechanism. Granted, it's very popular, but there are many other options available.

I'd like to think I have a network of friends because of that one simple fact, they are all friends.

Enough rambling from me

Dave x


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## kerrypop (May 9, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> ...what does it say, and where can I buy one ?
> 
> I promise I'll warn you if I'm ever passing through Oregon so that Stan and I don't have the embarrassing "two guys wearing the same t-shirt" situation .



Stan passes along this link. He has the black shirt. 

http://www.cafepress.com/acceptwear


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## alienlanes (May 9, 2007)

kerrypop said:


> Stan passes along this link. He has the black shirt.
> 
> http://www.cafepress.com/acceptwear



ROFL! That's super-clever.

I want one that says "just say no to concave curves" .


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## furious styles (May 9, 2007)

haha . i like that shirt


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## BothGunsBlazing (May 9, 2007)

yeah. I may have to pick me up one of them black ones


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## furious styles (May 9, 2007)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> yeah. I may have to pick me up one of them black ones



oh god...your avatar..


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## BothGunsBlazing (May 9, 2007)

mfdoom said:


> oh god...your avatar..



hahahah! you know you want some b&c love. :batting:


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## furious styles (May 9, 2007)

this is the best expression :


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## RedVelvet (May 9, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> .... I was in his situation myself once upon a time, so I know that that can be a lot more difficult than it sounds. Most FAs, myself very much included, have had to go through a process of self-acceptance before they can be totally comfortable with their desires. ....





See...now darlin..I really and truly understand that you are most definitely one of the good guys....so this is NOT about you....but the idea above that I want to explore a bit...again..NOT about you..as this is a concept that seems to be common...


What I dont understand..what will forever fucking baffle me....is why liking someone with a larger tape measure circumfrence is something that requires such STRUM UND DRANG...

I mean...what ..the..fuck.... people.....

Liking someone bigger requires good self esteem?...self acceptance?...WHY? I mean ...jesus.............are FAT WOMEN THAT SCARY!?....are FAT WOMEN THAT DEVIANT?...that ........what.....revolting...to everyone else?...

REALLY?


...are you SURE?...cuz I think most people think about the bodies of those they *arent* attracted to for a full ...er.....five seconds before going back to their own self absorbtion....

Now, I am not saying that fat folk are not discriminated against in a million little ways....thats true...

But ..yer friends,..well..pondering on whom you fuck, spend about...oh ..seconds...absorbed in it....before moving on to whatever sparkly has caught thier eye next.

I mean..who GIVES A SHIT? Its FAT!..so WHAT!

Its not a fetish...is a looks/senses preference....(ok..for some its a fetish, but they have bigger problems than who thinks what about them...like their little objectification problem...)

I dont understand why the fuck anyone gives a fuck.....ESPECIALLY the folks who are NOT fucking the fat girl? (missing out motherfuckers..)....it will baffle me till the day I die....

But to CARE about what someone ELSE thinks of those whom YOU get naked with....jesus...thats supposed to be hard?


I haven't seen anyone get beat up or killed for liking to snog fat girlies, like...say...gay folk in more unenlightened parts of the world ...so buck up, boyos....and get some lovin.



/rant!


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## BeaBea (May 9, 2007)

I understand where you're coming from Red, and I do agree, but... 

The thing is though, even the nicest, most sensitive, switched on, concerned, well informed and loving FA still doesn't -really- know what it's like to be fat. Don't get me wrong, I love and honour FA's and all they do for us personally and individually as well as for the size acceptance cause as a whole - but they still don't get to actually walk in a fat persons shoes. 

By the same token, I'll never understand how it feels to have my taste in the opposite sex judged as somehow 'weird' by an ill-informed public. I can sympathize, and try to empathize, but I've never had to do it myself so I don't feel I can judge how hard it might be. 

If an FA tells me that it can be hard to come out of the closet then I feel all I can do is try to encourage and support them on their journey towards being out and proud about their preferences. Please note, I don't mean that I will in any way facilitate them remaining hidden or to be less than honest about their choices - but as long as they are trying to come out then I'll help all I can. 

I think this forum is a wonderful safe place for people to be honest and I love the fact the exchange of views is so frank. I like that I get a chance to communicate freely and to try to educate other people about how my lifes journey as a big person in a prejudiced world is working out. I try to remember that FA's are all on their own journey too though - and I don't want to judge anyone harshly for admitting that it's tough coming out of a closet that I never had to hide in personally. 

love Tracey xx


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## alienlanes (May 10, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> See...now darlin..I really and truly understand that you are most definitely one of the good guys....so this is NOT about you....but the idea above that I want to explore a bit...again..NOT about you..as this is a concept that seems to be common...
> 
> What I dont understand..what will forever fucking baffle me....is why liking someone with a larger tape measure circumfrence is something that requires such STRUM UND DRANG...



Don't worry, I know ya love me .

This is a really good question, RedVelvet. I'll try to answer it as best I can, but I hope other FAs will chime in as well, since some of my experiences might be atypical.

The short version of my answer, for those of you who can't be bothered to read this long-ass post in its entirety, is: _teenagers are dumb_ . Trying to navigate the high school social hierarchy while simultaneously learning to deal with your exploding hormones is difficult for everyone, fat or thin, male or female, straight or gay, so it's no wonder, IMHO, that a lot of teenage FAs find it difficult to accept who they are. I applaud (and admire) the ones who do, but since most teenagers find an identity as part of a group of friends, very few of them have the courage to seem like a "weirdo" to their group -- even if their group's otherwise a "weird" one.

And unfortunately, it takes time to unlearn the social habits we learn in high school. Most of us do, eventually, but I'd be willing to bet that most twentysomething Dimmers, myself (again) very much included, are still carrying around at least a few pieces of baggage that we picked up during adolescence.

Furthermore, in the States, at least, we have a culture that's simultaneously Puritan and oversexed. Whether we're vanilla or kinky, we're rarely, if ever, exposed to models of healthy, self-accepting sexuality that are neither repressive nor exploitative. We only find them once we decide to seek them out ourselves. So it's difficult for everyone, and to that extent, being an FA is no different from having any other "weird" sexual kink, whether it's bondage or furry or whatever. And, as you and I have both said, FAs don't face the same sort of discrimination that gays and lesbians do -- if you've been following the "experiences that changed you" thread, you know that seeing one of my gay friends get heckled was what made me realize that, as an FA, I had relatively little to complain about.

But I do think that there are some FA-specific experiences which can be difficult to deal with. Those of us who aren't fat ourselves don't experience the oppression and discrimination that you do, of course, but don't forget that we're exposed to the same set of mainstream beauty standards that you are, and we internalize the same negative messages. When we're told every day that fat is ugly and undesirable, we start to distrust our own libidos for telling us the opposite, and from there it becomes easy for us to conclude that society is right and _we're_ the ones who are wrong. And since our desires won't go away, we end up treating them as a shameful secret. 

I'm proud to say that I've never done any of the stereotypical "closeted FA" bullshit, but, as much as I hate to admit it, I understand the mentality that causes it. We're told by mainstream culture that fat is gross, ugly, deserving of ridicule -- and some of us start to worry that if we admit our desires, we'll expose ourselves to these same accusations.

I'm lucky in this regard, because as an indie/bohemian/intellectual/what-have-you, I don't have friends who care about enforcing mainstream standards of beauty. In my own case, as I've said before, all of my "what will my friends say?" worries turned out to be products of my own insecurity. (I'm not surprised that a lot of the FAs here on Dims, especially the younger ones, are musicians, geeks, otaku, or similar "non-mainstream" types.) But for guys who are more "normal," some of these worries might be legitimate. I'm more pessimistic than you are, RedVelvet, about the tendency of human beings to exclude and reject people because of their sexual preferences. I bet there are a lot of frat boys out there who have furtive hookups with fat girls while dating a cheerleader bimbo in front of the bro's, because they'd never hear the end of it if their friends knew who they were _really_ attracted to. And the worst-case scenario would probably be the anonymous poster in the "closeted FAs" thread a few months back, who claimed he was told by his boss not to bring any more fat women to company parties if he wanted to get ahead. _I_ think he's full of shit for wanting to be a part of that corporate culture, but if that's what he wants, he's going to spend his life surrounded by people who will be happy to enforce the "fat = undesirable" stereotype. 

We're gregarious primates who crave social approval, so it takes courage to defy the norms of our immediate social group. Some guys don't have that courage.

Does this excuse their behavior? *Absolutely not.* But I think it explains it.

One last point. In this case, I'm less confident about generalizing my own specific experience to cover all FAs, but I've seen this come up as an incidental detail in Weight Room stories (!), which suggests that I'm not the only one who's had to deal with it. In a society that's both fat-phobic _and_ homophobic, it can be difficult for a straight guy (or girl) to come to terms with having a kink which makes "normal" members of the opposite sex unattractive to them. I don't know if other FAs are the same way, but I find it very difficult to "fake it" and pretend that I'm attracted to an anorexic supermodel, so when I was hanging out with male friends and watching movies with conventionally "hot" actresses, I couldn't join in the dirty talk. I come from a liberal NYC suburb, so I didn't have to deal with serious homophobia growing up, but many American guys aren't so lucky; I wouldn't be surprised if the difficulties involved in not being attracted to "normal" women are the cause of a lot of FA self-hatred.


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## RedVelvet (May 10, 2007)

A brilliant post, and very astute.

And hey.........My background is in psychology....So, your explanations are not only rather sharp, but I agree completely. 

My problem? I don't care.

See..thats just it. I don't care....I want them to just get over it as soon as humanly possible.........or not be allowed to fuck fat girls, ever.

I have NEVER been treated shabbily by a man with regards to my size....as in..sneaking around, etc..because if I were even to get a fecking WHIFF of that, I would take a bat to their heads...

So..ok.......I see the reasons, and the reasoning..I see the pressure, and the social circles and conformity and a need to belong and be accepted.

Nevertheless, regardless, I lack compassion here.

I find offensive......deeply..that a fat woman is deviant in her very existance, that to want her takes courage.....anyone who needs courage to date someone over a certain size and is over the age of 21 should probably not be procreating anyway.......rather weak stock, that.

Yes..Im a hag about this. I'm the fat girl. I gots nowhere to hide.


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## BothGunsBlazing (May 10, 2007)

I'm going going to go ahead and agree with Red Velvet and say ..

Too much time and energy put into coming up with justification for being in the closet. 

JUST GET IT OVER WITH. 

or not, because in that case, more for me.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 10, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> I haven't seen anyone get beat up or killed for liking to snog fat girlies, like...say...gay folk in more unenlightened parts of the world ...so buck up, boyos....and get some lovin.
> 
> 
> 
> /rant!



You know Red, this is exactly how I feel about it. I keep thinking that if someone preferred to date people of a different ethnic background yet kept it hidden from their friends/family and were only willing to go places where others wouldn't see them, would people on this board be saying "hey, you have to give them time to accept you as a different race and have self confidence to date outside of what some people in society say is okay" OR would they be thinking that maybe that person is wrong and perhaps even call them racist?
Your gay correlation is spot on, too- the gays are often persecuted yet they still are "coming out" and taking their place in this world. The sh*t the gays, or even mixed couples, have to put up with is nowhere near the simple ribbing someone might get from their friends for liking someone that doesn't meet societal weight requirements.
I do consider a person ashamed of being seen with a fat person as being discriminatory against fat people as the rest of the world- why is anyone supposed to be "understanding" of discrimination?

Excellent post, as usual, Red

**I hope that I have not offended anyone with this post as in I'm not downplaying the struggles that gays or mixed couples have been through- just pointing out that a bias is a bias is a bias- and how long is it to be tolerated?


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## RedVelvet (May 10, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> **I hope that I have not offended anyone with this post as in I'm not downplaying the struggles that gays or mixed couples have been through- just pointing out that a bias is a bias is a bias- and how long is it to be tolerated?




Of course, sweetie...and I am sure no one thinks that...


You are FAR kinder than I.


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## alienlanes (May 10, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> See..thats just it. I don't care....I want them to just get over it as soon as humanly possible.........or not be allowed to fuck fat girls, ever.
> 
> I have NEVER been treated shabbily by a man with regards to my size....as in..sneaking around, etc..because if I were even to get a fecking WHIFF of that, I would take a bat to their heads...



Nothin' wrong with that. When BBWs refuse to put up with shabby treatment, it forces closet FAs to confront their situation. A bat to the head is the only way some guys will ever learn . 



BothGunsBlazing said:


> or not, because in that case, more for me.



Hey, you're right !

Maybe I _shouldn't_ be spending so much time trying to help closet FAs ...


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 10, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> Nothin' wrong with that. When BBWs refuse to put up with shabby treatment, it forces closet FAs to confront their situation. A bat to the head is the only way some guys will ever learn .
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Lol, it wouldn't let me rep you for this last line


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## Jon Blaze (May 10, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> Don't worry, I know ya love me .
> 
> This is a really good question, RedVelvet. I'll try to answer it as best I can, but I hope other FAs will chime in as well, since some of my experiences might be atypical.
> 
> ...



You've pretty much hit the nail on the head.

The mind is really impressionable in those stages. It is hard to counter it when popularity and acceptance are things that we all strive for.

I think I have excess baggage. Though I don't know when it comes out. 

I must also admit that in the past that I did ridicule fat people. I had a dramatic situation happen to me in 7th grade that caused me to walk down this road. At that time it was being imprinted in my mind, but deep down inside, I was really striving for it because I believed in equality. I probably wouldn't be where I am now if that never happened, however. I'm sure my beliefs in racial equality would still be around, maybe sexual preference, but I don't know if I would think of larger people as being immoral (Much as society would hope to imprint in our brains) or not.

I'm glad you said that not all FAs have your same views. I'm non-exclusive, though I don't know why it should be mentioned. I don't know of any documents that say I'm suppose to hate "Normal-sized" women, but that is another small reason behind the way I think:

Fat Admiration is a great thing, because while it is a counterbalance in a sense, it also has some elements of equality as well. You are right to be the way you are because the weight bigotry in society is amazingly large. To fight against it (Whether you dissapprove of thinner people or partners, et cetera...) is a great thing.

I prefer larger women in the romantic world, but I can't make that a requirement because of my beliefs. I also keep myself open to thinner women because another stigma that society puts upon FAs is that we all hate thin women.

We both are FAs, but our beliefs (Which I call "Angling") are different. I keep myself open to questions about it. Sometimes I talk about it openly (As in a conversation), but I talk about Size Acceptance and Fat Acceptance more often. That's what I truly want to preach. If society can't get the level where larger people can be expected, I can't expect them to even grasp fat admiration. I keep myself very open to conversations about it, and I strive to promote, but I don't expect much progress with it.

I went through this stage because I was striving for equality. Another reason I have my beliefs is because I considered it to be a form of equality p *COUGH* Redundancy!  ). At one point I was actually neutral (As in not having a preference on either side), but that didn't work.  But hey... I will interact with anyone that wants to interact with me. My partner more than likely will be large to some varying degree. If it doesn't happen: Oh well... I don't think that would get in the way of my activism (Should I finally come out of dormancy). I would still try to hit some conventions.  

I also agree that the independence of it is a reason why it isn't accepted. It takes the ability to go against what the crowd thinks. Some people can't do that, but some can. 

You and RedVelvet both brought up great points. FAs can't know what it truly feels like to be an outcast (Unless they are large, or were large in the past, et cetera...), but we still get our share of hatred. As for the severity and type: Probably completely different. I'll just say it is subjective.

Teenagers are dumb... I'll admit it (19! Woohoo!  ) I know these guys shouldn't lie, but don't you think one should analyze the situation before feeling negative about it? Especially when the person in question is a "Dumb Teenager"?  

One more question: In my opinion, it sounds like you indirectly said Fat Admiration is a fetish. Am I going to have to beat you with a stick like the dumb teenager that I am?  Joking.


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## alienlanes (May 10, 2007)

Jon Blaze said:


> You've pretty much hit the nail on the head.
> 
> [snip]
> 
> ...



Thanks, JB!

Just to make myself clear, I don't hate or disapprove of thin women! But we _are_ different in our FA "angle." (One of the most interesting things I've learned on Dims is the extent of the subtle and not-so-subtle differences that exist even within the relatively small FA community.)

I _do_ have an exclusive preference for a fat partner. That's not a choice I've made, it's a choice biology and psychology have made for me. I simply can't become attracted to thinner women. Exceptions occur in exceptional cases (If her IQ is higher than her weight, that usually does it ), but in everyday life that rarely happens. I can appreciate a thin woman as "beautiful," in the same way I can appreciate a good-looking guy as being "handsome" without being sexually attracted to him, but the erotic charge which makes me romantically interested and kicks me out of "nice guy" mode into "flirt" mode simply isn't there unless she's fat.

I admire your position, and I wish it could be my own -- if I really want to treat all people with equality, I shouldn't hold my partners to a physical standard. But, as I've said, the preference for a fat partner is a decision that's already been made for me. As a dumb teenager p) I tried very hard to feel a sexual/romantic attraction to skinny women, but it just wouldn't happen. 

For me, coming out as an FA has involved admitting that this is who I am, that I can't change it, and that _there's nothing wrong with that_. That's the perspective from which I approach the question of "closet FAs." But like I said in my last post, I love hearing from other FAs whose experience has been different from my own. 



> Teenagers are dumb... I'll admit it (19! Woohoo!  ) I know these guys shouldn't lie, but don't you think one should analyze the situation before feeling negative about it? Especially when the person in question is a "Dumb Teenager"?



I'll admit that I don't quite understand what you're asking here. But from what I've seen here and on your Myspace, you definitely fall into the "applaud (and admire)" category of teenagers with their heads on straight .



> One more question: In my opinion, it sounds like you indirectly said Fat Admiration is a fetish. Am I going to have to beat you with a stick like the dumb teenager that I am?  Joking.



Somebody help me! I'm being attacked by a very intelligent and thoughtful juvenile delinquent! (Joking too, of course . About the juvenile delinquent part, anyways.)

Well, it depends on your definition of "fetish." I don't mean that glibly -- as the Wikipedia entry demonstrates, there's no universally agreed-upon definition of the word. Fat admiration certainly isn't a fetish ("paraphilia") in the technical psychiatric sense, which, as I understand it, involves a) an unhealthy degree of obsession and b) an inanimate object or a non-consenting partner. But _*when referring to my own experiences*_, I don't like to describe my FAism as just a "preference," because in my case it's something stronger than that. To me, "preference" implies that I could choose to ignore it if I wanted to, and _*for me*_ that isn't true, even if it's true for you and for others.

I prefer blondes, and I prefer women who wear glasses, but I can still be attracted to a redhead with 20/20 vision -- if she's fat, of course . But I can't be attracted to a skinny woman unless the circumstances are truly exceptional. So does _my_ FAism qualify as a "fetish" by the non-scientific, popular usage of the word? I'm not sure that it doesn't, because it's the _sine qua non_ of my sexual desires.

So I like to use the word "kink," because it covers the space in between "preference" and "fetish." I wouldn't want to be thought of as a fetishist, but I don't mind being thought of as kinky .


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## RedVelvet (May 10, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> I _do_ have an exclusive preference for a fat partner. That's not a choice I've made, it's a choice biology and psychology have made for me. I simply can't become attracted to thinner women. Exceptions occur in exceptional cases (If her IQ is higher than her weight, that usually does it ), but in everyday life that rarely happens. I can appreciate a thin woman as "beautiful," in the same way I can appreciate a good-looking guy as being "handsome" without being sexually attracted to him, but the erotic charge which makes me romantically interested and kicks me out of "nice guy" mode into "flirt" mode simply isn't there unless she's fat.
> 
> I admire your position, and I wish it could be my own -- if I really want to treat all people with equality, I shouldn't hold my partners to a physical standard. But, as I've said, the preference for a fat partner is a decision that's already been made for me. As a dumb teenager p) I tried very hard to feel a sexual/romantic attraction to skinny women, but it just wouldn't happen.




See now...I dont think there is a thing wrong with that...and that people are allowed to have their preferences and likes and attractions. A person isnt a hypocrite if they are fat and and are attracted to thinner folks (me) any more than a thin person is a hypocrite for liking fat folks...


Heck........Im worse.......I have a type...two, actually...but .....men that fall out of those two physical types? I tend to not feel anything from the waist down. Cant help it...Its how I am built....Thank god there are a lot of men who happen to be one of my types! 

Yup...Kitty just keeps on sleeping....

I also like really butch women. Of a certain type.....but I tend to be more inclusive with women then I am with men.

Wow....I'm just a bitch all around.

My point is.....Its ok to hold lovers to a physical standard. Friends..not so much..but the people you get naked with?....well...duh.


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## RedVelvet (May 10, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> So I like to use the word "kink," because it covers the space in between "preference" and "fetish." I wouldn't want to be thought of as a fetishist, but I don't mind being thought of as kinky .



Welcome, friend...have a seat on the sling.....

I'd help you in ..but I'm tied up right now...

ahem.


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## Checksum Panic (May 11, 2007)

My myspace page has ppls of all shapes and sizes, all are welcome


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## kenzie_kutie (May 22, 2007)

i just wanna say that the person that made me wanna start this thread recently added me back to his "normal" myspace. so i'm happy about that! now i just gotta get him to add me to his top list  hahahhaha


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## T_Devil (May 23, 2007)

I've always just used my myspace as just a place to vent and be me. I ask people to be my friends, Some I keep up with, some I don't. Most of my online friends are part of my myspace friend thing. My older sister is even a friend in my myspace. She was surprized by how active I am online!

I only need on myspace. I'm only one person.


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## kerrypop (May 23, 2007)

T_Devil said:


> I've always just used my myspace as just a place to vent and be me. I ask people to be my friends, Some I keep up with, some I don't. Most of my online friends are part of my myspace friend thing. My older sister is even a friend in my myspace. She was surprized by how active I am online!
> 
> I only need on myspace. I'm only one person.



I understand this viewpoint- I also think that certain professions might not be able to have the luxury of only having one myspace. Becoming a teacher, I know the kids in my class will probably look me up, and their parents might do the same thing. I know that (currently)my manager checks out people's myspaces before she hires them. I know that I am a human being that enjoys things like going out, and my friends don't always use the most kid-friendly language. For this reason, I'm probably going to start up a "professional" myspace, and lock my personal one. I don't see a problem with this, and I'm only one person (even though on the bus I take the space of 2 )


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## T_Devil (May 24, 2007)

Fair enough.
Some worlds just shouldn't collide.


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## Ulfhedinn (May 28, 2007)

Might I add my 2-cents?


Not all guys would make 2 myspaces for the purpose of hiding that they like larger women. But because some BBWs make specificly tailored BBW pages that has their avatar --or whatever that thing is with the pic on your friends list-- with them in a two piece bathing suit, or very revealing clothing of some sort and they feel that it may make them look bad to have such material on their friends list, and even if it was a skinny girl they would frown upon it. 

But, thats just my own thoughts. Personally, except for a couple people, everyone on my friends list are people I know in some way, and there is only one BBW friend up there, and thats still pending, but thats because she requested adds and I've spoken a bit with her in the past and thought "why not?". But even then I was a bit wary of it for the reasons described above.


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