# 20's dating 30's



## aztecprinc3ss (Mar 6, 2012)

I am a 21yo ssbbw and I find guys my age lack certain things like maturity and patience. Guys in their early-to-mid-thirties seem to have the right stuff. Just an opinion, but what does everyone else think? what age appeals more?


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## KHayes666 (Mar 6, 2012)

I said in a similar thread that most guys in their late teens and early 20's should be focusing on when their next party is, the next hot video game that's coming out, getting their drivers license and waking up for class on time.

They shouldn't be worrying about getting married, having children and paying for homeowner's insurance. Women of any age really that expect young men to act with the maturity of a 30 plus year old is really asking for too much.


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## bigmac (Mar 6, 2012)

Early to mid 30s is prime time for dating. I dated women in their mid 30 when I was in my 20s. Spent most of my 30s living with a woman also in her 30s. Then at age 43 I married a 36 year old woman.


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## Deven (Mar 6, 2012)

My husband (we're still engaged, but it's become habit to call him that) is 32, and I'm 24. He wants to settle down and enjoys together time with me, and is very future conscious. The guys in their 20's I dated are not like that.

It's also a stark contrast to the same man I knew 7 years ago. He was 24 when we met, I was 17. We weren't dating each other, just roommates (he had a live in girlfriend.) He's matured, and I can see the difference in him now and then. 

If a man in his early 30's is what you want, go for it.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 7, 2012)

I find that I connect better with guys that are a little older than me. I'm 21 and the last guy I was involved with was 29. Although we joked about the age difference a lot (he liked to poke fun at me for not knowing the cartoons and games and music of his childhood) I felt we connected better because of the age difference. One major thing older guys have that most guys my age don't is independence. I live on my own and haven't lived with my parents in nearly two years and find it really difficult to have a relationship with someone who hasn't made that change yet. It's nice to be able to go to each others places without worrying about parents, and there is also a personality change, a maturation, that only comes with moving away from home. I've come to realize that's a pretty important characteristic to me in a person. It's not a deal breaker but it certainly helps.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 7, 2012)

This is why I was very resentful of women when I was 18-21.....notice how nearly every single female poster on this thread wants more maturity, independence, stability, etc which is why they gravitate toward older men?

Basically that leaves anyone that lives at home, doesn't have a great job or a lot of dating experience is totally fucked....which for most college aged males means just about everyone.

If everyone likes older men because of the before mentioned reasons then what the hell are 18-21 year olds supposed to do around here? Twiddle their thumbs for 4-5 years until they have the financial ability to move out? In THIS economy? Fuck that

Sorry if I sound defensive and a little angry but like I said, I've been there before. I know what its like to be rejected because of my age and it makes me want to smash my head up against a brick wall when I see college aged girls expecting complete independence from boys who just barely got their drivers license and are putting themselves through school. You know the expression act your age, well some males are doing exactly that and it sucks to see them get rejected for it.


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## CarlaSixx (Mar 7, 2012)

I'm one of those that like older men.

Honestly, I feel cougarish when I find myself attracted to anyone under 28. I've just always liked older guys, even when I was younger. And the older I get, it seems the older I'm starting to like. It's not my fault, it's how I was wired.

Now, if some young dude has a problem with that, he can go throw a tantrum somewhere else. Obviously, if they've got a problem with me liking someone else, they aren't mature enough to handle me in the first place.

But maturity isn't all there is. 

I value intelligence, life experience, talent, etc. Young people, for the most part, don't have that. At least not in my area. I have been attracted to people in their 20s who were, so it's not like I make it exclusive for older men. It's just a preference.


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## NewfieGal (Mar 7, 2012)

I know this is the 20's group but I want to ask a question... if you were a man in your 20's would you date a woman that much older then you? It just seems less accepted when the woman is older... I am 31 and was chatted up by someone in their mid 20s that lives near me and I know that its not a big age gap but it seems less acceptable to be a woman dating a younger man... any opinions?


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## bmann0413 (Mar 7, 2012)

Honestly, I'd be too intimidated if the girl I'm interested in is much older than I am. I'm kinda immature (yeah, I'll admit to it to her straight up), and I feel as though when I'm not being mature, I'll embarrass her too much.

The youngest I'll date would be 18, since I'm 22. But even then, I'd kinda be feeling like I'm robbing the cradle, even if the age difference is only four years. It's a very perplexing conundrum.


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## Diana_Prince245 (Mar 7, 2012)

I'm in my 30s. I date guys in their 20s, and I like it. Course I've never really been interested in men older than me, not even in my late teens-early 20s.


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## home (Mar 7, 2012)

I guess I know how the women feel. I admit that when I was in High School. I was sixteen and dating a fourteen year old. Back then it was Legal in Canada. That was long ago. And of course. Nothing really happened. After I got to my twenties though. I started to be with older women. I lived with two of them. They were older and both mothers. No, I don't mean in the swear vernacular. I mean they both had children. So, I was in my twenties and they were thirty to fourty. Now, I am in my thirties. I must admit I do feel for the guy who is talking about it. I mean in this economy money is hard to come by. But then again, I have to admit. Once you get there. Once you have the money. The women just come out of left field. And not always the good ones.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 8, 2012)

KHayes666 said:


> This is why I was very resentful of women when I was 18-21.....notice how nearly every single female poster on this thread wants more maturity, independence, stability, etc which is why they gravitate toward older men?
> 
> Basically that leaves anyone that lives at home, doesn't have a great job or a lot of dating experience is totally fucked....which for most college aged males means just about everyone.
> 
> ...



The economy is tough for everyone regardless of age or gender. Despite the economy I was still able to find a job (at times, more than one), go to school, buy a car, and move out on my own at the age of 19. It's possible. Is it easy? Absolutely not. It's been a lot of sacrifice. My friends who live at home have ten times as many clothes in their closet and all the newest gadgets and they can stay up til 3AM on a Tuesday getting drunk because they don't have to work the next morning like I do.. but they also don't have the independence, the freedom, the life experience and the maturity I do. I couldn't be with a guy who was working some dead end job and living with his parents, even if he was only 19 or 20. I'd be willing to make an exception about living on his own and such if he was in college (especially if he was living on campus rather than commuting) and had a plan for what he was going to do with his life. It's not that I think less of those who are not in the same place as me, it's just that those are two incompatible lifestyles. In my experience it's really frustrating for me to try to explain to people who haven't gained that same independence yet why I can't do certain things, why I can't spend as much money, why I have to be home early sometimes, or why sometimes I'm just too tired and want to veg out and do nothing. It's appears to be equally frustrating for them because I'm a drag. I just couldn't imagine the disparity in lifestyle leading to a successful relationship.


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## Blackhawk2293 (Mar 8, 2012)

KHayes666 said:


> This is why I was very resentful of women when I was 18-21.....notice how nearly every single female poster on this thread wants more maturity, independence, stability, etc which is why they gravitate toward older men?
> 
> Basically that leaves anyone that lives at home, doesn't have a great job or a lot of dating experience is totally fucked....which for most college aged males means just about everyone.
> 
> ...



I'll probably sound quite crude to some here but...

18-21 year old men are meant to fuck like there's no tomorrow and go for the girls that aren't expecting commitment, independence, stability etc... and yes there are such girls, I knew quite a few wild and wonderful ladies in my 20s. My friends and I used to call this rule the "4 F's"... "find 'em, feel 'em, fuck 'em, forget 'em". I think a lot of people in their 20s expect too much too soon and get trapped in a belief that if they're not on the road to be married by 25 then they're doomed to an eternity of being alone or becoming a eunuch or something and I've seen quite a few of my friends (guys and girls) get trapped in bad relationships because of it.

I do agree with some of the girls in this thread that independence does go a long way in the 20s dating scene because independence means privacy and privacy means there is better opportunity for intimacy. I mean come on guys, there are just some things you can't do in your parents' house.


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## CarlaSixx (Mar 8, 2012)

Blackhawk2293 said:


> **snipped**
> 
> I do agree with some of the girls in this thread that independence does go a long way in the 20s dating scene because independence means privacy and privacy means there is better opportunity for intimacy. I mean come on guys, there are just some things you can't do in your parents' house.



:bow::bow::bow::bow::bow::bow::bow::bow::bow:

Hello! There's one hell of a big bonus!

lol.

:happy:


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## KHayes666 (Mar 8, 2012)

Blackhawk2293 said:


> I do agree with some of the girls in this thread that independence does go a long way in the 20s dating scene because independence means privacy and privacy means there is better opportunity for intimacy. *I mean come on guys, there are just some things you can't do in your parents' house.*



Not if you're good enough and have their schedules down pat. They're not home 24 hours a day you know 

I get your point but for the most part what bothers is me is all these women don't even give the 18-21 year olds a chance to prove themselves. Sure they have absolutely no experience but they have to start somewhere. I remember reading in a similar thread years ago how some women don't want to be that "babysitter" type but my counter is some of them that were dismissed without getting the chance later went on to have successful relationships while some of their older dismissors (is that even a word?) are still single.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 8, 2012)

Haha! You just remeinded me of the story of Mary Magdalene Collier, the woman found naked in a 16 year old's closet while moms was at work. Mom came home early and called police.







A thread about this on another board I belong to got closed down. lol The story sticks out. Ok granted the boy was only 16 and not 19 but still... Nobody wants to be this woman. It's a tall order.


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## Blackhawk2293 (Mar 9, 2012)

KHayes666 said:


> Not if you're good enough and have their schedules down pat. They're not home 24 hours a day you know
> 
> I get your point but for the most part what bothers is me is all these women don't even give the 18-21 year olds a chance to prove themselves. Sure they have absolutely no experience but they have to start somewhere. I remember reading in a similar thread years ago how some women don't want to be that "babysitter" type but my counter is some of them that were dismissed without getting the chance later went on to have successful relationships while some of their older dismissors (is that even a word?) are still single.



I never had the experience of having to evade my parents like that because I left home on my 19th birthday and moved 400 miles from them. But that's a long story in itself.

Anyway, I can understand your point too about not being given the chance to "prove yourself"... although I absolutely hate that term! Sure 18-21 year old guys have something to prove... but so do women of that age group. What each gender have to prove is different of course but 20s is like the proving age. Whether that is proving that you can hold a job, keep a relationship for more than 2 months (something I still fail at! LOL!!), be good in bed, graduate from college or whatever. I think that both genders have really unrealistic expectations of each other at that age and so thus where the conflict is.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 9, 2012)

Blackhawk2293 said:


> I never had the experience of having to evade my parents like that because I left home on my 19th birthday and moved 400 miles from them. But that's a long story in itself.
> 
> Anyway, I can understand your point too about not being given the chance to "prove yourself"... although I absolutely hate that term! Sure 18-21 year old guys have something to prove... but so do women of that age group. What each gender have to prove is different of course but 20s is like the proving age. Whether that is proving that you can hold a job, keep a relationship for more than 2 months (something I still fail at! LOL!!), be good in bed, graduate from college or whatever. I think that both genders have really unrealistic expectations of each other at that age and so thus where the conflict is.



It all works out in the end. 

Like I said, some of us who suffered through our late teens and early 20's with being rejected and passed over end up in successful long term relationships while others who never gave us the chance are still single in their late 20's and early 30's. Karma does indeed work sometime.

Oh and congrats on the people that got the hell out of dodge when they were 18-19, some of us weren't so lucky and had to make due for a few years. If a woman thinks a guy is a second class citizen because he's 19 years old and still lives with his parents, she's no better than any male who points out negatives on a woman's body.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 9, 2012)

KHayes666 said:


> Oh and congrats on the people that got the hell out of dodge when they were 18-19, some of us weren't so lucky and had to make due for a few years. If a woman thinks a guy is a second class citizen because he's 19 years old and still lives with his parents, she's no better than any male who points out negatives on a woman's body.



The thing is that luck had nothing to do with it. Taking risks, working hard and sacrificing did. Just because a woman isn't interested in dating someone doesn't mean she thinks he's a second class citizen. I dont know about everyone else but I'm sick of hearing about how women are supposed to act or feel about men. Rejection is a fact of life and doesn't make the person doing the rejecting a bad person. Women are allowed preferences too.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 9, 2012)

thatgirl08 said:


> The thing is that luck had nothing to do with it. Taking risks, working hard and sacrificing did. Just because a woman isn't interested in dating someone doesn't mean she thinks he's a second class citizen. I dont know about everyone else but I'm sick of hearing about how women are supposed to act or feel about men. *Rejection is a fact of life and doesn't make the person doing the rejecting a bad person.* Women are allowed preferences too.



Luck has a lot to do with it maybe just not in ways you are thinking about. What if an 18 year old kid found a good job and moved in with her b/f who was paying half the rent and the b/f got hit by a truck? What if the 18 year old kid got hit by a bus and had to move back home because she couldn't afford medical bills and rent at the same time? What if the 18 year old loses her job or the b/f loses his job? Sure its risk taking to move out but luck is one of the reasons why it works out for some.

Second part. Depends on why they did the rejecting and how they acted toward that person later. I agree on your last point too, women are definitely allowed preferences and I also think its karma when men reject a girl and end up single as well. An ex friend of mine broke up with his g/f because she wouldn't let him touch her and 5 years later she was married to another guy who had the patience meanwhile my buddy still cruises bars to pick up girls. It goes both ways and I didn't mean to sound discriminating toward women at all. Now if a woman was being hit on by an extreme psychopath or someone they didn't connect with at all, its perfectly reasonable to reject the advances. 

No, what I'M talking about is a situation that a lot of guys are familiar with. You know, your female friend bitching and complaining endlessly that they "can't find a good b/f" and go on one bad date after another plus you gotta listen to her about each disaster till 3 in the god damn morning. Then when you say that you yourself would make a good b/f they give the old "Like you but not that much" speech then continue to date losers, abusers and other lowlives. THAT'S when karma comes into play when you're finally given the chance by someone else and meanwhile your "friend" who passed you over is still single. Ask any guy who's been there and wanted to throw the keyboard or phone out the window because a girl they wanted won't stop bitching about how awful guys treat her yet won't give them a chance.

I'm friends with some women who've rejected me in the past and I respect them greatly....others not so much. I get a good laugh every now and then when I hear some get evicted or their unemployment was cut off or their baby daddy is in jail again or they got stood up on a date.


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## penguin (Mar 10, 2012)

More people are living at home for longer, because it's hellishly expensive to move out. Living at home doesn't mean you have no ambition, drive, independence or worth. Often it means you're still studying, you're saving money, and/or you have a good relationship with your family. 

There's a big difference between someone living at home who's working, contributing to the running of the house (both financially and physically, with chores and such) and is actually an independent person, and someone who's slacking off, unemployed, not studying, staying home to play video games and expects others to clean up after them. The first, I'd date. The second, I wouldn't. It's not about where you live, it's about how you do it.

A lot of guys in that age bracket aren't emotionally independent. They don't know how to take care of themselves or their environment. It's not a turn on to go into a house that's never been cleaned and is covered in pizza boxes and the rubbish bin has become an entity that's asking for voting rights. For those guys stuck in the party mode, they don't exhibit great relationship signs.





KHayes666 said:


> Now if a woman was being hit on by an extreme psychopath or someone they didn't connect with at all, its perfectly reasonable to reject the advances.



It's perfectly reasonable for someone to reject advances from _anyone_, at any time. No one is owed anything. 



> No, what I'M talking about is a situation that a lot of guys are familiar with. You know, your female friend bitching and complaining endlessly that they "can't find a good b/f" and go on one bad date after another plus you gotta listen to her about each disaster till 3 in the god damn morning. Then when you say that you yourself would make a good b/f they give the old "Like you but not that much" speech then continue to date losers, abusers and other lowlives. THAT'S when karma comes into play when you're finally given the chance by someone else and meanwhile your "friend" who passed you over is still single. Ask any guy who's been there and wanted to throw the keyboard or phone out the window because a girl they wanted won't stop bitching about how awful guys treat her yet won't give them a chance.



Oh yes, the 'nice guy' dilemma. These aren't nice guys - they're entitled guys. They expect to get the chance to date the girl, simply because they want to, like the girl doesn't have the choice. She may not like them that way. She's allowed to not want to date them. How do you know she hasn't thought about it and decided against it?

There are plenty of people out there who make the same relationship mistakes over and over, and fall for type again and again with no success (I still have friends in their mid 30s that do this), but until THEY want to change their dating habits, it's not going to happen. No one owes anyone else a date, "just to see" if it'll work. 



> I'm friends with some women who've rejected me in the past and I respect them greatly....others not so much. I get a good laugh every now and then when I hear some get evicted or their unemployment was cut off or their baby daddy is in jail again or they got stood up on a date.



You take far too much pleasure in other people's misfortune. There's no guarantee you would've had a successful relationship with them or that your life won't go to hell. No one owed you a date, no one owed you a relationship.

IMO, rejections and failed relationships are important learning tools, because they help you understand yourself better and how you can be a better you. You learn more about what is important in a relationship, what's important in a date, what you will put up with and what you won't. You learn to improve yourself, not so that you can score better, but so that you can be a better person.

One reason some girls like older guys is because the older guys can provide the girls with stuff the younger guys can't - alcohol, gifts, nights out. Those girls aren't ones you want to have a relationship with, because they're just out for what they can get. Some girls like older guys because they're might be more reliable, more stable, more ambitious, more interested in doing things. Some girls like older guys because they have daddy issues and find security with older men. 

Sitting around and being negative about all the people who have rejected you only makes you bitter, and bitter isn't attractive. Everyone has their preferences, and there's nothing wrong with someone else not finding you attractive. I don't find everyone attractive, so why would I expect that everyone would want me? I don't. But I know there'll be an overlap between the people I'm interested in and the people interested in me to find someone that I'll be able to have a relationship with.

I personally am not interested in dating someone that much younger than me, because chances are, we'll be in very different life stages. I'm at the wanting to settle down into a committed relationship point, not the dating around casually, let's see what happens point like we tend to be in our early 20s. I'd like more kids, and I've only got a few years left where that's an option to me, and someone who's ten or more years younger than me might not be in that place, where they're ready to do that so soon.


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## Diana_Prince245 (Mar 10, 2012)

Man, I wish I could rep you.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 10, 2012)

penguin said:


> Snipped



Fair enough. 

The only point I'd like to counter is the "nice guy dilemma". No, men aren't entitled to go out with women at all...but it gets EXTREMELY ANNOYING when you have to listen to a girl complain, whine and bitch endlessly and you can't do anything about it. Especially if the flaws in her bad dates don't apply to you. Like if she complains that the guy doesn't brush his teeth or never compliments her, those are easily correctable. So in a dude's mind he's like "Well I brush my teeth and have no problem calling her beautiful, what's wrong with me then?" Putting myself back in my 18-20 year old mindset, hearing all these flaws with other guys that don't apply to me...it drives me absolutely crazy that a girl that I like won't give me the same chance.

However putting myself back to the present 25 year old mindset, you're absolutely right in the sense there's no guarantee it will work out not to mention if this girl is completely stupid to fall for the same trap again and again its not even worth the drama to go after her. I'm also talking about same age dating here because you're absolutely right in saying age gaps do make a difference in mindsets. One wants to party and one wants to settle down...but then again I knew a 35 year old man who loved to party and a 21 year old girl who wanted to settle down. Everyone's different


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## penguin (Mar 10, 2012)

KHayes666 said:


> Fair enough.
> 
> The only point I'd like to counter is the "nice guy dilemma". No, men aren't entitled to go out with women at all...but it gets EXTREMELY ANNOYING when you have to listen to a girl complain, whine and bitch endlessly and you can't do anything about it. Especially if the flaws in her bad dates don't apply to you. Like if she complains that the guy doesn't brush his teeth or never compliments her, those are easily correctable. So in a dude's mind he's like "Well I brush my teeth and have no problem calling her beautiful, what's wrong with me then?" Putting myself back in my 18-20 year old mindset, hearing all these flaws with other guys that don't apply to me...it drives me absolutely crazy that a girl that I like won't give me the same chance.



A nice guy is someone who'll be friends with someone, no matter what, no matter how he or the other person feels. An entitled guy is someone who thinks that he should get a chance and hangs out with them while waiting for a chance.

I get that it's frustrating, I get that it's annoying. Guys do it, too, you realise. What it boils down to is this - they're not interested. It's not an insult to you that they don't find you attractive, and they're under no compulsion to find you attractive or to give you a go. Entitled guys (and girls) believe that that person should, simply because they want them to.



> However putting myself back to the present 25 year old mindset, you're absolutely right in the sense there's no guarantee it will work out not to mention if this girl is completely stupid to fall for the same trap again and again its not even worth the drama to go after her. I'm also talking about same age dating here because you're absolutely right in saying age gaps do make a difference in mindsets. One wants to party and one wants to settle down...but then again I knew a 35 year old man who loved to party and a 21 year old girl who wanted to settle down. Everyone's different



Even with people that are the same age, you'll find them wanting different things. It's a matter of finding someone who's at the same stage as you, wanting the same things as you, having the same outlooks and beliefs as you. You don't have to share everything, but if you get the bases down, then everything else should merge.


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## Blackhawk2293 (Mar 11, 2012)

KHayes666 said:


> Luck has a lot to do with it maybe just not in ways you are thinking about. What if an 18 year old kid found a good job and moved in with her b/f who was paying half the rent and the b/f got hit by a truck? What if the 18 year old kid got hit by a bus and had to move back home because she couldn't afford medical bills and rent at the same time? What if the 18 year old loses her job or the b/f loses his job? Sure its risk taking to move out but luck is one of the reasons why it works out for some.
> 
> Second part. Depends on why they did the rejecting and how they acted toward that person later. I agree on your last point too, women are definitely allowed preferences and I also think its karma when men reject a girl and end up single as well. An ex friend of mine broke up with his g/f because she wouldn't let him touch her and 5 years later she was married to another guy who had the patience meanwhile my buddy still cruises bars to pick up girls. It goes both ways and I didn't mean to sound discriminating toward women at all. Now if a woman was being hit on by an extreme psychopath or someone they didn't connect with at all, its perfectly reasonable to reject the advances.
> 
> ...



I'd hardly call it luck. It took constant fights with my parents, isolation from my family as a whole, 2 suicide attempts and almost running my car off a cliff before I took charge and said "enough, I'm out of here!". My decision was out of necessity but the life I made for myself afterwards is something that I'm proud of.

Dude, it sounds like you've been triggered by this thread. I get your situation, I've heard plenty of girls complain about how they can't find the right guy and then plunge themselves into the same type of damaging relationship again and again. Are those types of girls really worth your time anyway? What would be the guarantee that even if they did go out with you that they wouldn't leave you because they're too used to being in the damaging relationship? I've seen that happen before too.

I've been in some nasty situations myself in my 20s. But the way I see it now is that there are no "innocent parties" in relationships and so I have culpability too in all of those situations... whether that is by direct action or by allowing myself to get into that situation in the first place. Point is, you can't blame the girls alone for that. Guys buy into that shit too and foolishly try to be the "better men" that the complaining girls expect instead of just being themselves.

As for your getting a good laugh from people's misfortunes now and then. I can't judge you on that because in my culture/religion (Hindu), it's perfectly okay for people to pray to a God to make bad shit happen to people that have wronged you... and then if that God doesn't do it for you, you can then pray to another God to curse the first God. Our ancient stories are full of those types of situations where people not only prayed but they used to fast and sacrifice their wealth or whatever too and although for the most part it is not really practiced, there are still very remote villages that do. Nothing wrong with it as long as you can accept that whoever you do it to has an equal right to do the same to you.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 11, 2012)

Blackhawk2293 said:


> I'd hardly call it luck. It took constant fights with my parents, isolation from my family as a whole, 2 suicide attempts and almost running my car off a cliff before I took charge and said "enough, I'm out of here!". My decision was out of necessity but the life I made for myself afterwards is something that I'm proud of.
> 
> Dude, it sounds like you've been triggered by this thread. I get your situation, I've heard plenty of girls complain about how they can't find the right guy and then plunge themselves into the same type of damaging relationship again and again. Are those types of girls really worth your time anyway? What would be the guarantee that even if they did go out with you that they wouldn't leave you because they're too used to being in the damaging relationship? I've seen that happen before too.
> 
> ...



I agree. I'm really trying to refrain from posting in here too often since I'm way out of the age bracket. Not to mention, when I was in my 20s there was no shortage of old geezers willing to date me. There is a definite gender bias when it comes to things like this which is an argument in itself. All those old saws about someone being the best thing you never had hold true though. When a toxic relationship ended I rarely BooHooed over it long. It wasn't because I was strong and all knowing of something. It was because there was usually some other thing or opportunity that came right around the corner that had I still been tangled up in that messed-upedness I would have missed it or turned it down. Sometimes not getting what you want is a blessing in disguise even if you can't see it at the time. You only hurt yourself by remaining bitter about it. The other person is still skipping along gleefully through life doing whatever they want. Be grateful for what you got because you wouldn't have got there had that person been in your way. Insteaed you'd be bitter about something else. It's not worth it. 

AND I feel it's right to post this since this isn't anything new or some earth shattering ageist revelation. It's something learned early that everybody can bob their heads to.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 11, 2012)

KHayes666 said:


> Fair enough.
> 
> The only point I'd like to counter is the "nice guy dilemma". No, men aren't entitled to go out with women at all...but it gets EXTREMELY ANNOYING when you have to listen to a girl complain, whine and bitch endlessly and you can't do anything about it. Especially if the flaws in her bad dates don't apply to you. Like if she complains that the guy doesn't brush his teeth or never compliments her, those are easily correctable. So in a dude's mind he's like "Well I brush my teeth and have no problem calling her beautiful, what's wrong with me then?" Putting myself back in my 18-20 year old mindset, hearing all these flaws with other guys that don't apply to me...it drives me absolutely crazy that a girl that I like won't give me the same chance.




Why would you even want to date a girl like that anyway?


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## KHayes666 (Mar 12, 2012)

thatgirl08 said:


> Why would you even want to date a girl like that anyway?



Read further down....I said my current mindset wonders why I would want someone like that anyway.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 12, 2012)

Nevermind!


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 13, 2012)

Prepare to hold your noses because I'm going to share a thought that is sometimes greeted with jeers. One of the things I've noticed is that a lot of young guys like really really really REALLY big women. Generally speaking women who sit within that size range tend to be much older though I know younger ones do exist. I mentioned before that once I got past a certain age a lot of young ones began a hot pursuit? Technically this all began when I reached 401 pounds. At 399 I was cute in my party dress but at 401 my FA magnet wnt to double strenght. I think that may be at play sometimes in the dating game. Men I knew well who were merely friendly before suddenly became moreso when I reappeared on the scene 80 pounds heavier than I was some years ago. Some guys may prefer older but I think there is a sizeist dynamic at play also. 

Also for women over 30, a lot of the single men in our age bracket tend to be single for distinct reasons. This may explain the phenomenon of why older women date a lot of serial daters, closeted freaks and foreigners. Despite the warning signs, we tend to keep kissing these frogs hoping our kiss will be the magic one that changes his mindset. The trend of preference is to take a chance on these men our own age rather than hang around irritably waiting for some college kid to move out only to eventually leave us for a younger woman anyway when we've aged and broken down before his eyes. Also a lot of younger guys come at us with 'yo baby ttyl8tr lolzz' crap and that socially clumsy stage really presses our Go Away buttons. (A side tip to younger guys who want to date older women: text in complete words and sentences. 'GPOML' means 'Go Put Omlettes In Your Goddamned Pants You Stupid Mother Fucker' to us. Don't ask why, it's just a bizarre thing.)


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## Blackhawk2293 (Mar 14, 2012)

LillyBBBW said:


> Prepare to hold your noses because I'm going to share a thought that is sometimes greeted with jeers. One of the things I've noticed is that a lot of young guys like really really really REALLY big women. Generally speaking women who sit within that size range tend to be much older though I know younger ones do exist. I mentioned before that once I got past a certain age a lot of young ones began a hot pursuit? Technically this all began when I reached 401 pounds. At 399 I was cute in my party dress but at 401 my FA magnet wnt to double strenght. I think that may be at play sometimes in the dating game. Men I knew well who were merely friendly before suddenly became moreso when I reappeared on the scene 80 pounds heavier than I was some years ago. Some guys may prefer older but I think there is a sizeist dynamic at play also.
> 
> Also for women over 30, a lot of the single men in our age bracket tend to be single for distinct reasons. This may explain the phenomenon of why older women date a lot of serial daters, closeted freaks and foreigners. Despite the warning signs, we tend to keep kissing these frogs hoping our kiss will be the magic one that changes his mindset. The trend of preference is to take a chance on these men our own age rather than hang around irritably waiting for some college kid to move out only to eventually leave us for a younger woman anyway when we've aged and broken down before his eyes. Also a lot of younger guys come at us with 'yo baby ttyl8tr lolzz' crap and that socially clumsy stage really presses our Go Away buttons. (A side tip to younger guys who want to date older women: text in complete words and sentences. 'GPOML' means 'Go Put Omlettes In Your Goddamned Pants You Stupid Mother Fucker' to us. Don't ask why, it's just a bizarre thing.)



I know I'm going to sound old here but texting and social networking sites just seems to have made people more socially clumsy/inept/inconsiderate and created a world where it's perfectly okay to break up with someone over text or changing your Facebook status instead of doing it face to face... or at least talking to them on the phone.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 14, 2012)

Blackhawk2293 said:


> I know I'm going to sound old here but texting and social networking sites just seems to have made people more socially clumsy/inept/inconsiderate and created a world where it's perfectly okay to break up with someone over text or changing your Facebook status instead of doing it face to face... or at least talking to them on the phone.



I've made exceptions for one or two people but in truth I hate hate hate HATE texting. Seething white hot loathing. Seriously. It is so intrusive. I'm talking to someone, stuffed on to a crowded subway car, operating heavy machinery, trying to make dumpling dough. I do not have time to be fumbling awkwardly with my phone yuking it up on text while I'm trying to prevent the spread of salmonella. The only time I really use it is to see if someone is awake/available to receive a phone call from me right this minute. If I don't get a text back it means no. I completely ignore texts until I'm in a quiet place with no one around. Maybe I'm just too old or something but I simply can't use it like that. There are people who live on texting. I am convinced it's for people who have absolutely nothing at all to do. It's not fun or conveneint at all. I love watching videos of people toppling into fountains and falling down flights of stairs because they were walking and texting. I'm like, "GOOD, I HOPE ALL YOUR TEETH GOT KNOCKED OUT!!!!!11!!" 

/hate rant.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 14, 2012)

Texting is for people who have nothing better to do? Lol okay. I prefer texting because its more convenient for me not because I have no life. Actually its the opposite.. I'm often in situations where a phone call is impossible - in a crowded restaurant with friends, at work, doing homework in the library or hanging out with my boyfriend. It's easier, and less intrusive, to send a text to someone than to make a phone call.


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## penguin (Mar 14, 2012)

I prefer texting too, it's less intrusive. I'm never sure what someone else is up to, and this way they can answer it when they're able to. Plus, I don't always want to have a full conversation with someone, I just want to chat back and forth a little.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 14, 2012)

thatgirl08 said:


> Texting is for people who have nothing better to do? Lol okay. I prefer texting because its more convenient for me not because I have no life. Actually its the opposite.. I'm often in situations where a phone call is impossible - in a crowded restaurant with friends, at work, doing homework in the library or hanging out with my boyfriend. It's easier, and less intrusive, to send a text to someone than to make a phone call.



Ugh, I don't know. It's still just really awkward for me. I'll be elbow deep in the middle of some tangle and my phone goes 'blrr*beep*' I'm I'm thinking omg WHO the hell is texting me right now?!?! It may just be an age thing. It's still not in my radar of dexterity.


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## Diana_Prince245 (Mar 14, 2012)

I would way rather text than talk. Partly because I have some hearing loss and I can't hear people, especially men, over the phone. Also, it's easier to pee while texting without the other person knowing.


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## tjw1971 (Mar 14, 2012)

I've thought a lot about some of this myself in the recent past, so interesting to read all the comments here about it.

On one hand, I *completely* understand where khayes is coming from, about frustration as a teen or 20-something who consistently finds women of interest in his age group are only interested in older guys. I lived through that too. At first, I was honestly just dumbfounded and confused when I started finding so many girls in my high-school were dating college aged guys. I got a better understanding of the reasons by the time I was in my 20's -- but it didn't make things much easier, knowing guys 10+ years older than me were competing for the attention of a woman my age ALONG with all the interested guys in my own age group.

On the flip side? I've *been* that older guy a few times, in my late 30's, dating early 20-somethings who were interested in me.

The thing I've come to realize (and this may upset/offend some of the younger gals dating older guys - so apologies in advance!) is, often times? The younger women only THINK they're so much more mature than the guys their own age. The reality is, they love the benefits that come with dating older guys.... more disposable income to take them out to nice dinners, buy them more expensive gifts on holidays, etc. Much more freedom with no parents/family poking around the guy's apartment, condo or house. More attention paid to them and only them (which truthfully happens because the older guy tends to realize he ALREADY has something his own peers are envious of -- an attractive, much younger woman). And sometimes, just a little bit more experience dating, which leads to less of those awkward moments where a guy doesn't know what to say or how to act in a situation.

As the older guy dating the younger one? I wound up experiencing a LOT of immature behavior on the womens' part, which shook me back into the reality that they really were only a "20 something", both physically AND mentally. In the beginning, no -- the relationships always seemed "solid" and I was led to believe the woman really was "more mature than her years". But the truth came out (sometimes explosively!) when something went wrong in the relationship. Rather than dealing with a conflict or difference in a mature way, they'd tend to do such things as taking back gifts given earlier, breaking my personal property in a fit of rage when I wasn't home, etc. Other times, comfort and complacency in the relationship just led to things like inviting their 20-something friends over to party into the late night hours, with no regard for the fact I had to be up early the next morning (and didn't really want those people in my place to begin with!). It just never went well, and it drove me to only date women my own age.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 14, 2012)

Diana_Prince245 said:


> I would way rather text than talk. Partly because I have some hearing loss and I can't hear people, especially men, over the phone. Also, it's easier to pee while texting without the other person knowing.



:O  In my defense for the texting hate, it also occurs to me that I probably get a a much higher rate of stupid random texts than most people do. I have a sister in law on the west coast who sends me a lot of inane crap via text. She so sensitive that I don't want to hurt her feelings but once she sent me a picture of a chimpanzee in an Elvis costume with the caption "Yankees Suck" written underneath. I really should deactivate texting altogether but if I deactivate it she'll call, so in that respect I can totally relate to you Diana.


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## capra (Mar 15, 2012)

thatgirl08 said:


> The thing is that luck had nothing to do with it. Taking risks, working hard and sacrificing did. Just because a woman isn't interested in dating someone doesn't mean she thinks he's a second class citizen. I dont know about everyone else but I'm sick of hearing about how women are supposed to act or feel about men. Rejection is a fact of life and doesn't make the person doing the rejecting a bad person. Women are allowed preferences too.



I don't think it's fair to imply people who end up cycling back to home for a spell didn't take risk, work hard, or sacrificed, but I agree with the rest of your post.


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## capra (Mar 15, 2012)

KHayes666 said:


> Luck has a lot to do with it maybe just not in ways you are thinking about. What if an 18 year old kid found a good job and moved in with her b/f who was paying half the rent and the b/f got hit by a truck? What if the 18 year old kid got hit by a bus and had to move back home because she couldn't afford medical bills and rent at the same time? What if the 18 year old loses her job or the b/f loses his job? Sure its risk taking to move out but luck is one of the reasons why it works out for some.
> 
> Second part. Depends on why they did the rejecting and how they acted toward that person later. I agree on your last point too, women are definitely allowed preferences and I also think its karma when men reject a girl and end up single as well. An ex friend of mine broke up with his g/f because she wouldn't let him touch her and 5 years later she was married to another guy who had the patience meanwhile my buddy still cruises bars to pick up girls. It goes both ways and I didn't mean to sound discriminating toward women at all. Now if a woman was being hit on by an extreme psychopath or someone they didn't connect with at all, its perfectly reasonable to reject the advances.
> 
> ...



Do you ever stop to think the bitterness and massive sense of entitlement could be your problem? I've been there, so I totally get the anger, but you can't let it run your life.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 15, 2012)

LillyBBBW said:


> Ugh, I don't know. It's still just really awkward for me. I'll be elbow deep in the middle of some tangle and my phone goes 'blrr*beep*' I'm I'm thinking omg WHO the hell is texting me right now?!?! It may just be an age thing. It's still not in my radar of dexterity.



Hey, to each their own! It probably is partially age although I know plenty of people my age who actually hate texting and I also know people who are your age & older - such as my parents - who text nearly as much as I do! 

I do call people if I have a pressing question or if something is too complicated/long of a story but everything else I text.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 15, 2012)

capra said:


> I don't think it's fair to imply people who end up cycling back to home for a spell didn't take risk, work hard, or sacrificed, but I agree with the rest of your post.



You're right, that absolutely does not imply that.. I think the difference is in the "cycling BACK home" as opposed to never attempting to leave. It's not even that I think that there is something wrong with people my age who don't try to leave home - their is DEFINITE perks to living with your parents.. it's just that those people & I have different priorities. That doesn't make them (or me!) wrong .. it just makes us incompatible to an extent. I'm not saying I automatically rule someone out, romantically or for friendship, solely based on that.. I just find that I naturally tend to gravitate towards people who are more independent.. I usually end up connecting better with people, friendship wise even, who are older than me. Two of my closest friends are 23 and 29. My other best friend is the same age as me but is also my roommate. It's also possible for someone to live at home and be nearly as independent as I am.. emotional independence is the biggest thing for me. I can deal with financial dependence to an extent (you still gotta be working if we're going to be dating!) but if someone is still very emotionally reliant on their parents or if they constantly look to their parents to make their decisions for them or for permission to do things, we simply are not compatible. I dated someone about a year ago who was three years older than me, who even paid a little bit of rent, like $200 a month, and had his own car and everything and therefore was somewhat financially independent (although clearly it costs much more than $200 to live on your own) but he couldn't fix a meal or do his laundry or make a single decision without his mom. It was incredibly frustrating. I also dated someone who was 17 when I was 18.. I was just starting college and he was a senior in high school but we were incredibly different. My parents had a very hands-off approach even when I was like 14 or 15. Some people might venture to call them irresponsible, although my parents always made sure I did well in school and provided everything I needed financially. I lived with my dad at the time I dated this guy and didn't have to ask for permission to do anything. I came and went as I pleased, just let my dad know where I was. I paid no rent but was entirely responsible for all of my other expenses.. I'm talking like, at the end of high school I was buying my own groceries and making payments on my car etc. Despite being only a year difference, his parents wouldn't even let him drive more than 15 minutes from his house, they didn't want us staying out past dark and they were entirely uncomfortable with my parents approach to parenting (or lack there of, possibly) me. It was like.. two different worlds. My parents hadn't been that up in my business since I was in junior high probably. It just made it so difficult because his parents didn't like me or my parents whatsoever. They saw me as a loose cannon and irresponsible. I saw them as smothering him. It in large part crushed the relationship despite the fact that I was in love with him. 

My current boyfriend is turning 29 in a few weeks, and I just turned 21. We joke about the age.. sometimes he mentions toys or cartoons from the 80s I've never seen, and he pokes fun at me & my friends pictures and comments from high school on Facebook (so weird to think social networking didn't even really exist when he was in high school!) But overall, we're so much closer in maturity. He has a nice car, he owns his own house and has a full time job (and therefore money to blow on the occasional night out.) Those things are nice, but whats more important is that although he loves his family and enjoys spending time with them, he is able to take care of all his day to day shit without them. It's also a relief to go to a guys house without his parents being there. It's nice to sleep over each others places all the time and not have to worry about anyone giving a shit etc. 

Okay so I might be rambling here, but I hope I'm explaining myself better?


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## FatAndProud (Mar 15, 2012)

It's basically all been said above, however, I feel the need to add my $0.02! 

I find myself gravitating toward 40-somethings. Whether it be for romantic interests (mostly) or friends. I enjoy someone who can be engaged in in-depth conversation and can be worldly/cultured. Of course, younger folks can be all that...but I find it easier to spot in older people. I like videogames and all that...but I don't think I'd want a romantic partner to be into them...I've seen the 20-something that plays videogames 22 hours per day and ignores his woman lol

Besides, everything about an (much) older man turns me on lol Don't get me started! From the gray hair to the burly beard to chest hair!  I just like the sense of responsibility an older person assumes. I'm not one to drink much or party. I like being able to rely on someone with a solid career, solid mindset, and responsibilities. It's not fun being the only mature one. I graduate in 4 months with my BS as a certified Anatomic Pathologists' Assistant. I can't imagine dating a guy who works at Burger King that has "plans" of going to community college and majoring in communications or something. I know that's shallow, but I've worked very hard for what I want. I'd expect the same from a partner. I don't want a sugar daddy - that is not the issue. I want someone to be my complement.


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## CarlaSixx (Mar 18, 2012)

I'm sort of in the same boat as F&P.

I like them older for many reasons, and the aged like wine thing is pretty hot 

But I want an equal. Most guys my age are pretty immature, and most want to have some level of control over their partner. I want my partner to be on my level, and to be mature. I've been through more things in my life than most people my age would understand, and the older ones get it. Plus, a lot of my personal morals and beliefs go better with an older crowd, so I gravitate more towards them. 

Is that really a crime?

I like to put it as: I'm looking for my second in a power couple. That whole "partner in crime" shit is for the immature ones. Besides... I did my share of crime almost 10 years ago. I'm past that crap now. I need more stability than that.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 19, 2012)

LillyBBBW said:


> :O  In my defense for the texting hate, it also occurs to me that I probably get a a much higher rate of stupid random texts than most people do. *I have a sister in law on the west coast who sends me a lot of inane crap via text. * She so sensitive that I don't want to hurt her feelings but once she sent me a picture of a chimpanzee in an Elvis costume with the caption "Yankees Suck" written underneath. I really should deactivate texting altogether but if I deactivate it she'll call, so in that respect I can totally relate to you Diana.



It gets worse on facebook, I don't envy the fact she has your number. My condolences friend lol


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## seavixen (Mar 23, 2012)

I have always (in general) gotten along better with people older than myself, regardless of gender or romantic interest. This has been true since I was a child; I think I've just always been sort of an old person - lol.

That said, I ended up marrying a guy who's less than a month older than I am. Ultimately, it doesn't have anything to do with age - just maturity level, personality, values, attraction, and the all-important connection.

Prior to a few years ago, I had been physically attracted to VERY few younger men. As I get older, younger men are... well, not so young. Thus, I find a lot of younger men attractive, both physically and in terms of maturity levels - simply because I'm still the same as I was ten years ago. I have the same tastes, basically. As weird as it is for me to think, "Oooh, that guy's cute!" and then realize that he's a handful of years younger than me, there's not really anything I can do about it. It freaked me out for awhile, but I'm kind of used to it now.

Age just seems to get more and more meaningless every year, for me. I mean, Keanu Reeves is approaching 50 these days. Still totally hot. Then again, so is Henry Cavill, and he's 28 - younger than me. That's the way it goes.

And, just to cover a few things that have been said - I actually find nothing wrong with "living at home" when it's done for practical reasons. There's a difference between responsibly building a strong foundation for one's future, and just being lazy, emotionally immature, and so forth - the things that are associated with living at home. Moving out with nothing, and with no real reason (as in, from a happy and supportive home life, without saving to some degree and establishing oneself to a point) just seems silly and unnecessarily risky to me. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, but I'm all kinds of practical that way. I also feel that a person should pay rent when living with their parents past a certain age, in order to build up to the responsibility of living alone, and also to avoid becoming increasingly dependent.

Oh, and texting - I like texting, because I HATE talking on the phone. Hate it. Loathe it. Detest it. If someone's texting me and I'm busy doing something else, they can just wait. Screw 'em. It's a lot easier to ignore than a ringing telephone.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 24, 2012)

I text a lot because its easier for me. I work a lot and I can't call while I'm at work so texting is all I can really do.

I stopped texting while driving a while ago but for the most part I do it because its much more convienant for me


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## MillyLittleMonster (Apr 26, 2012)

Older people are so much attractive.
Talking from experience here from what I've had so far but I've noticed I get hit on by older women a lot more than teenage girls, and they are so much attractive, they don't come with all that drama bullshit either. XD

I'm currently dating someone who is younger by almost 3 years (will be 4 next week) and I don't feel attracted anymore, perhaps its because I'm turning 21 and I'm maturing and no longer finding younger people attractive.

And when ever I'm out I constantly see older women and teenagers and the older women are 100% more sexy.


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## Mitchapalooza (Apr 26, 2012)

Definately! When I was 24 I dated a 33 yo and I thought
She was so hot!


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## HeavyDuty24 (Apr 26, 2012)

thatgirl08 said:


> Texting is for people who have nothing better to do? Lol okay. I prefer texting because its more convenient for me not because I have no life. Actually its the opposite.. I'm often in situations where a phone call is impossible - in a crowded restaurant with friends, at work, doing homework in the library or hanging out with my boyfriend. It's easier, and less intrusive, to send a text to someone than to make a phone call.



I do agree with this, sometimes texting is more convient. It's just easier too sometimes it's hard to get those phone calls in.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Apr 26, 2012)

penguin said:


> More people are living at home for longer, because it's hellishly expensive to move out. Living at home doesn't mean you have no ambition, drive, independence or worth. Often it means you're still studying, you're saving money, and/or you have a good relationship with your family.
> 
> There's a big difference between someone living at home who's working, contributing to the running of the house (both financially and physically, with chores and such) and is actually an independent person, and someone who's slacking off, unemployed, not studying, staying home to play video games and expects others to clean up after them. The first, I'd date. The second, I wouldn't. It's not about where you live, it's about how you do it.
> 
> ...




Once again great post Penguin i wish i could rep.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Apr 26, 2012)

MillyLittleMonster said:


> Older people are so much attractive.
> Talking from experience here from what I've had so far but I've noticed I get hit on by older women a lot more than teenage girls, and they are so much attractive, they don't come with all that drama bullshit either. XD
> 
> I'm currently dating someone who is younger by almost 3 years (will be 4 next week) and I don't feel attracted anymore, perhaps its because I'm turning 21 and I'm maturing and no longer finding younger people attractive.
> ...



Older women are more attractive in the sense of they know what they want, there more comfortable with themselves and who they are, and they are more mature, and that is very sexy. I mean i still like younger women and women around my age to but older women just have those factors i mentioned above that can make them more appealing. Younger women can too although it's more rare. There are still alot of younger mature and stable women out there too.


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