# "I don't really go for the FA type"



## Leonard (Oct 23, 2006)

I have read on this board that there are some girls who don't really like dating men who would be described as FAs. Though I don't know anyone in my social circles familiar with the term, I have also run into women who carry a disdain or distrust of "guys who like fat girls". 

For example, an ex-girlfriend of mine once told me that she didn't want the next guy she dated to be an FA because she wanted him to simply like her despite her body and not because of it. I countered this by asking her what was wrong with a guy liking both her personality and her body, and her response was that being with an FA sometimes made her feel fetishized. 

My question is, what qualities do you associate with FAs? What sort of stigma does the term carry? Are there other traits you associate with FAs aside from preferring the female form?


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## eightyseven (Oct 23, 2006)

You can't blame her for those feelings, since they come from the assumption that every guy is supposed to be attracted to thin women. If she realized how many guys really are more attracted to BBW, then it'd be less likely she'd see your/our preferences as strange or having to do with some sort of fetish.

On the flip side, I've seen many FA's unfortunately try to take advantage of this socially-influenced way of thinking. They think... "Well, guys aren't supposed to be into fat chicks- so fat chicks are obviously going to want to get with me because they know I like them and they can't get anyone else." It's flat out wrong and condescending to think like that. Maybe that ex-girlfriend of yours has experienced something of this nature? A woman is a woman no matter her size and should be treated respectfully. If everyone just came into forming relationship without expectations, then maybe a great deal of this looking-too-much-into-titles stuff could be avoided.


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## Leonard (Oct 23, 2006)

eightyseven said:


> On the flip side, I've seen many FA's unfortunately try to take advantage of this socially-influenced way of thinking. They think... "Well, guys aren't supposed to be into fat chicks- so fat chicks are obviously going to want to get with me because they know I like them and they can't get anyone else."



I think what you're getting at here may be one of the traits some women think FAs share. I remember the same ex-girlfriend once asked me if I purposely looked for girls with low self-esteem and that was part of why I liked fat girls. Needless to say, I was offended by this question. I replied that girls with low self-esteem come in all sizes. Though many girls who are overweight have low self-esteem, I condider that a drawback, not a benefit, of my preference. 

I think most people can agree with me when I say it is very difficult to love someone who doesn't love themselves. More than anything, I would like to find a big, beautiful woman who loves her body.


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## supersoup (Oct 23, 2006)

i don't have the highest self esteem ever, but i've also never gone into a relationship thinking anything along those lines right off the bat. i do understand why some girls would, but me personally, if i'm in a relationship i've already gotten to know you well enough and trust that you like me for me, and like my body as a plus, not the basis, of the relationship.


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## lestamore (Oct 23, 2006)

mm.

I can see how a girl would feel maybe that the guy only liked her for her body. That is no fun. I can also see girls who feel uncomfortable about sex feeling like that if the guys are sexually attracted to them first, that its an illegitimate relationship.. Like that they are some kind of object or that it is dirty.. as opposed to something romantic and sweet and clean.

hmm. Or maybe that's just my imagination


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## This1Yankee (Oct 23, 2006)

Well, as a "non" fat girl (according to others), I can honestly say that if your girl is concerned about an FA only liking her for her body, and that being the sole reason for his interest, you should assure her that is typical male behavior, REGARDLESS of your size. Thin girls are subject to the same "dayum, she has a nice ass" intial response from non-FA men as well. The basis for any relationship is first and foremost attraction, it's just instinctual. If it's not, then someone is deluding themselves. I mean, let's face it, you wouldn't walk up to someone you thought was ugly or "not your type" and strike up a conversation simply because they look like they might have something interesting to say! It just doesn't work that way. 

NOW, this is not to say that someone can't become attractive in a member of the opposite sexs' eyes by way of personality alone. This happens all the time, that someone whom you would ordinarily not be jumping all over DOES catch your attention and becomes more attractive as you get to know them, and vice verse (someone physically gorgeous becomes entirely ugly because of personality/attitude). 

It is much more likely, however, that a man is attracted to a woman's body before he is attracted to her mind. 

Personally, I would MUCH rather be with a man who says "You look amazing" rather than one who might be embarassed by my size or could think in the back of his head "She should drop a few pounds". If that is "fetish-izing" someone, then bring it on. So long as the rest of the relationship is normal and functioning well, what's the issue? Maybe she just needs someone who is sensitive to her feeling like a sex object, rather than a woman.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 23, 2006)

I think sometimes people have a conditioned response that they themselves can't even explain. I remember being out with friends of mine at a restaurant and at some point we got chatty with some people while we waited in line. This one guy in particular seemed very interested and complimentary towards me. Just a nice guy, nothing weird or anything. I don't usually get big attention out and about but from time to time it happens. We eventually parted ways and my friends gave me that grinny look like, "My, what was that all about?" I smiled and said, "He was really nice," and one of the my attractive friends huffed and said, "Another fetishist." I bit back the urge and said nothing. It would have been a waste anyway.

It's typical of the way people think, even the fat person when faced with a person who genuinely finds them attractive. They think there must be something wrong with him. If a man fawned all over my attractive friend she would have thought it her due and even given him her card if she thought he was cute. Someone finding her attractive is normal but someone liking me is clearly a violation of everything that is pure and decent in this world. 

Take it from me fellas, you really don't want anything to do with friends who think of you that way. It narrows the selection pool a bit but count your blessings.


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## activistfatgirl (Oct 23, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> I think sometimes people have a conditioned response that they themselves can't even explain. I remember being out with friends of mine at a restaurant and at some point we got chatty with some people while we waited in line. This one guy in particular seemed very interested and complimentary towards me. Just a nice guy, nothing weird or anything. I don't usually get big attention out and about but from time to time it happens. We eventually parted ways and my friends gave me that grinny look like, "My, what was that all about?" I smiled and said, "He was really nice," and one of the my attractive friends huffed and said, "Another fetishist." I bit back the urge and said nothing. It would have been a waste anyway.
> 
> It's typical of the way people think, even the fat person when faced with a person who genuinely finds them attractive. They think there must be something wrong with him. If a man fawned all over my attractive friend she would have thought it her due and even given him her card if she thought he was cute. Someone finding her attractive is normal but someone liking me is clearly a violation of everything that is pure and decent in this world.
> 
> Take it from me fellas, you really don't want anything to do with friends who think of you that way. It narrows the selection pool a bit but count your blessings.




I sorta wish you had told her to STFU. 


On the question: Oh, the whole Non-FA/FA debate. I don't think I've sounded off on this yet, so I will. Personally, I'm very interested in FAs because I want someone to find fat as erotic as I do, and I want that element in my sexual relationships whenever possible. (Nothin' like someone's heartfelt utterance of "oh my god you're so big"--RARR!).

It would be very sad for me now to be with someone more akin to whom I always wanted before--someone who likes me despite my body. What fun is that? I want someone to slap...alright...discussing this in my head is definately a lot of fun! 

However, I do feel pretty damn hopeless that I'll never find someone that is an FA and also a radical, feminist, thoughtful person. I'm so tired of being a fat body when I'm a fucking rad ass women with a lot to say. 

I'm tired of a dichotomy in my relationships: FAs that I relate to sexually but not intellectually and spiritually and people I relate to intellectually and spiritually and not physically. 

And being around here, I like being told I'm pretty..yadda yadda...but I'm really looking for people that are aware and finding the combination of things I need with the ability to super eroticize fat...whew! I better start saving up for retirement cause I'm gonna be single!


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## Jane (Oct 23, 2006)

I was listening to a radio show this morning and Carlos Mencia was talking about he and his friends going out "hogging." (Go out, get drunk, talk to fat chicks.) Not the kind of shit I need to hear first thing on a Monday morning. Then you hear him in the background saying, "Actually, it's kinda fun." Gee, imagine that.

I don't know the answer. I've never dated a confident FA. Most tend to come out with some particular area they like...big butts, ample thighs, big boobs. I figure once a guy has mentioned four or five body parts they like big, it's time to face reality. But then, I'm me, not them.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 23, 2006)

I am the same afg. It's frustrating when there's someone who is hot for me but otherwise we have nothing at all to talk about. I'm hoping to find that missing link too. I've often thought that I shouldn't be so picky, maybe I will regret that I didn't just enjoy myself with whoever came along but that's just not me.




activistfatgirl said:


> I sorta wish you had told her to STFU.
> 
> 
> On the question: Oh, the whole Non-FA/FA debate. I don't think I've sounded off on this yet, so I will. Personally, I'm very interested in FAs because I want someone to find fat as erotic as I do, and I want that element in my sexual relationships whenever possible. (Nothin' like someone's heartfelt utterance of "oh my god you're so big"--RARR!).
> ...


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 23, 2006)

The best way I can think of to sum up how she perceives it all is like a man that keeps staring at your chest while talking to you. She feels disrespected and thought of as less of a person if it's all about your body. I have a tendency to agree with her on that one. However, I do also like the attention/flattery of males (so do a lot of women) and don't find a man weird/fetished/warped for liking me. Sounds like she has self-esteem issues (that so many people have) from being told that she is fat and that it is a bad thing. (I had this same head job pulled on me since childhood). 
However, a man can be physically attracted to you and still like you for who you are. Perhaps she has not learned this yet? If there isnt more to the relationship than physical attraction, then it cant last anyway. So why worry? 
To summarize, the problem is in her head and not in you liking her or her body how it is. I'm thinking that as she grows older and more confident in herself (seems like a somewhat natural progression of age in some people), she will appreciate men like yourself. Men who know who they are and what they want out of life. Stop fretting and be yourself. I admire you for not letting yourself be brain-washed by society and going your own way.


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## saucywench (Oct 23, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> ...maybe I will regret that I didn't just enjoy myself with whoever came along but that's just not me.


It's just not me, either, and it is difficult to know without the benefit of hindsight whether the choice that we make to remain uncoupled is the best one. I just figure that as long as I'm not contributing to someone else's emotional baggage, nor they mine, that that must be a good thing. At this stage of my life the drawbacks to engaging with someone who is "just not right for me" are far greater than any perceived benefits; I wouldn't have so willingly conceded that notion a few short years ago.


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## Tad (Oct 23, 2006)

lestamore said:


> mm.
> 
> I can see how a girl would feel maybe that the guy only liked her for her body. That is no fun. I can also see girls who feel uncomfortable about sex feeling like that if the guys are sexually attracted to them first, that its an illegitimate relationship.. Like that they are some kind of object or that it is dirty.. as opposed to something romantic and sweet and clean.



I think it goes beyond this.

Imagine for a minute that you are a smoker. (note that this is a thought experiment, not a perfect analogy--I'm not trying to say that being fat is like being a smoker, just that one situation might help illustrate the other) 

You've tried quitting, but with no success, and you don't think that you will have success any time soon. You don't like that you smoke, you think it is a horrible habit, you don't like that the smell clings to you, you know there are probably long term side effects, and so on. Now some potential romantic partners are turned off by the fact that you smoke, and won't give you a chance. Some aren't crazy about it, but will look past it. Then there are a few who like that you smoke. Some maybe are smokers themselves, and don't feel as bad if you smoke as well. Others think that smoking makes you seem more sexy. Some may specifically love the smell of tobacco on you, love to watch you suck on a cigarette and blow out smoke. 

Would you go out with someone who was attracted to the fact that you are a smoker? 

For a lot of fat people, being fat is somewhat like this I think. For whatever reason, they are fat. They'd like to stop being fat, but they've either tried and failed or they are pretty sure that they will fail at it or they just aren't even ready to try because they aren't ready to change their life so dramatically. But they really don't think the status quo is a good thing, it is just this thing that they have to accept. It doesn't mean they think that nobody could be attrated to them, just that because it is a bad thing about them, good people should only be attracted to them despite this thing. At least I think that is how it works.

Note also that it is not just women, and it is not always an obvious thing like smoking or weight. It could be that you have a 'passion gap' in your teeth, that you love soap operas, that you build model trains....whatever you feel ashamed of for some reason.

Regards;

Ed


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## MisticalMisty (Oct 23, 2006)

I feel like I've gone 12 rounds against a beast as many times as I've defended FAs around these parts..lol

Here are some snippets from this thread that you might find interesting if you want to read it. You'll find that me, Tina, Carrie and some other ladies answer the questions you've asked.



MisticalMisty said:


> I'm also independent and I'm not looking to be some goddess and have my FA wait on me hand and foot. That's not the issue. The issue is that I'm a supersized woman and I don't "fit" into the world around me very easily. The table vs. booth issue is just one of many. The sacrifices I mentioned are along the lines of *there is no way I'm going to fit into the seat at the concert, so either you'll have to go alone or not go at all*..etc.
> 
> I think a lot of women are turned off of FAs because they think that loving their fat is a fetish. For some, I'm sure that's the case but they are NOT FAs.
> 
> ...



Most people know my stance on the whole issue. LOL and if you don't..happy reading in that thread I've linked.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 23, 2006)

I just read your original post, Lilly

I dont really think your friend thinks the guy was weird but is just used to all the attention and was having a fit for not getting it. The need for people to fawn over you all the time indicates to me that they are insecure in themselves. Why would she be hanging out with friends whom she deems "less attractive" if she was so secure in her being? "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king". Just how I always saw it when I used to have friends like that.....

I thought Ed made a good post....


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## Leonard (Oct 23, 2006)

MisticalMisty, thank you for the link to the other thread. I remember when the topic was started and now I regret that I didn't read it more closely.


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## MisticalMisty (Oct 23, 2006)

Leonard LePage said:


> MisticalMisty, thank you for the link to the other thread. I remember when the topic was started and now I regret that I didn't read it more closely.


Don't regret! I'm glad a guy finally started a thread about it! We need more guys to participate..and stand up for the FAs


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## RedVelvet (Oct 23, 2006)

Leonard LePage said:


> I think most people can agree with me when I say it is very difficult to love someone who doesn't love themselves. More than anything, I would like to find a big, beautiful woman who loves her body.




ME, dammit....me me me...and many other women here as well! The next FA that puts up with a girl who hates herself for one moment gets a kick in the butt from me.

Me...who loves my body, exactly as it is...a lot....


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## Jes (Oct 23, 2006)

RedVelvet said:


> ME, dammit....me me me...and many other women here as well! The next FA that puts up with a girl who hates herself for one moment gets a kick in the butt from me.
> 
> Me...who loves my body, exactly as it is...a lot....


Right? Jesus. If y'all aren't careful, I'm gonna bring out my theory about all of this again, and you don't want that!


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## Leonard (Oct 23, 2006)

Jes said:


> If y'all aren't careful, I'm gonna bring out my theory about all of this again, and you don't want that!



And where might I find this theory, if you don't mind my asking?


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## Tarella (Oct 23, 2006)

Leonard LePage said:


> My question is, what qualities do you associate with FAs? What sort of stigma does the term carry? Are there other traits you associate with FAs aside from preferring the female form?



Thats a really good question. One that I dont have any definitive answers for because no one has ever put it down in a dictionary as exactly what an FA is. Perhaps someone should publish the whole continium of explanations. I happen to think that perhaps being an FA is just as varied and colorful as what being a BBW means to a person. From being a hard core fetishist to being a guy to likes all women but prefers a softer more feminine woman, to being a man who is definately sure of his preference for heavy, fat, women. 

It is really hard to peg down. In my own experience I have found that I really love being with a man who actually prefers a woman with ample curves and softness, regardless of the quanitifiable amount of that softness. I also feel that many men don't like labels as much as women don't like labels. I also think there are a FEW bad/weird/hardcore/immature/deviant FA's who give the definition of FA a bad reputation. It only takes one or two negative impressions of a guy who labels himself as an FA for a BBW to generalize negative associations with all men who proclaim FAness. 

Some things I might ask or say to an FA or nonFA would be this:

_ don't immediately start asking me personal or intimate questions about my weight, measurements or eating habits without getting to know me in a civilized manner.(I am not an animal in a zoo to be studied so formally)

-please don't be overflatterous....a single geniune compliment is wonderful but I don't need, nor want a barrage of compliments that seem to be a dime a dozen.

- please don't assume that just because you love my figure that I am automatically attracted to you or that you are doing ME a favor by giving me your attention. (most BBWs aren't desperate)

-please treat me like you would treat a friend (respectful)

- please don't make me feel like I am a circus act for you to enjoy. I don't like answering questions like, "What is it like to be that big? or Do you eat large quantities of food? I am not here for your pleasure.

-please treat me like the lady I am and I will treat you like the gentleman you are.

-I want you to appreciate me for all that I have to offer. Try and not focus on only the physical attributes if possible. I know its hard, but you will get more attention if you make the woman feel cherished, respected, and cared for.

-never, ever ask for revealing photos (this is not respectful) Just because I am on the internet, does not mean I am acting like your very own FREE paysite girl.

-if I become your girlfriend, I want you to love, maul, grope, jiggle, and adore my body with playfulness and sincerity. It's a gift.....you should treasure it.

- and if we become intimate, please don't go on and on and on about just one aspect of my body or being.

-due to the fact that many BBW's have been hurt time and time again, please take your time in building our trust of one another. Don't expect me to trust you just because you say you are trustable. Actions speak louder than words.

-Please sometimes overlook our insecurities about our bodies and when that occurs please be patiently and consistently supportive so that we might actually comprehend your message.



I could go on an on.....but I have to stop rambling.


Tara


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## AnnMarie (Oct 23, 2006)

Many of the more vocal fans of FAs have sounded out on this about 100 times, so if you search you'll find plenty on the matter - Misty's link, for instance.

Here is yet another thread with a lot of very good comments, and more about how women who prefer dating FAs feel about them (my own specific comments are in post 7 and 12, among others): 

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?p=246246#post246246


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## Jes (Oct 23, 2006)

if you want my theory, pm me. Too tired to type again here.


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## Leonard (Oct 23, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> Many of the more vocal fans of FAs have sounded out on this about 100 times, so if you search you'll find plenty on the matter - Misty's link, for instance.




Thanks for the heads up, AnnMarie. I didn't realize I was treading such well-worn ground. Next time I'll be sure to do my homework.


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## MisticalMisty (Oct 23, 2006)

Leonard LePage said:


> Thanks for the heads up, AnnMarie. I didn't realize I was treading such well-worn ground. Next time I'll be sure to do my homework.


I think it's fine for the subject to brought up again..it's something guys as FAs deal with on a regular basis and us fat girls as well.

We cover alot of things numerous times..

Don't sweat it!


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## AnnMarie (Oct 23, 2006)

Leonard LePage said:


> Thanks for the heads up, AnnMarie. I didn't realize I was treading such well-worn ground. Next time I'll be sure to do my homework.



Oh yeah, I didn't mean not to ask, I just meant if you want to read much more... there's more to be had. 

I think it's always important to bring up, and I'm glad for the chance to state my preference for FAs when given the shot.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Oct 24, 2006)

It is good to know that there are a lot of women who like FAs. Our subculture is insular and there are a lot of women who are not aware of it. I generally don't immediately tell bbws I meet outside the size acceptance events about my sexual orientation. I have experienced women who assumed that I liked them because they were big and they assumed I was a fetishist. I find that the best way to handle things is to treat the lady like a lady and wait until later on to tell her about my orientation.


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## gangstadawg (Oct 24, 2006)

Tarella said:


> Thats a really good question. One that I dont have any definitive answers for because no one has ever put it down in a dictionary as exactly what an FA is. Perhaps someone should publish the whole continium of explanations. I happen to think that perhaps being an FA is just as varied and colorful as what being a BBW means to a person. From being a hard core fetishist to being a guy to likes all women but prefers a softer more feminine woman, to being a man who is definately sure of his preference for heavy, fat, women.
> 
> It is really hard to peg down. In my own experience I have found that I really love being with a man who actually prefers a woman with ample curves and softness, regardless of the quanitifiable amount of that softness. I also feel that many men don't like labels as much as women don't like labels. I also think there are a FEW bad/weird/hardcore/immature/deviant FA's who give the definition of FA a bad reputation. It only takes one or two negative impressions of a guy who labels himself as an FA for a BBW to generalize negative associations with all men who proclaim FAness.
> 
> ...


put the def in wikipedia.


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## moonvine (Oct 24, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> It's typical of the way people think, even the fat person when faced with a person who genuinely finds them attractive. They think there must be something wrong with him. If a man fawned all over my attractive friend she would have thought it her due and even given him her card if she thought he was cute. Someone finding her attractive is normal but someone liking me is clearly a violation of everything that is pure and decent in this world.



And you say this person is your friend?????????


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## moonvine (Oct 24, 2006)

Leonard LePage said:


> My question is, what qualities do you associate with FAs? What sort of stigma does the term carry? Are there other traits you associate with FAs aside from preferring the female form?



Really, to be perfectly honest, the quality I most associate with FA's is men who have had sex with almost every fat woman in the area. I find that most distasteful, so I tend to avoid them. This is one of many reasons I avoid bashes like the plague as well.


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## babyjeep21 (Oct 24, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Really, to be perfectly honest, the quality I most associate with FA's is men who have had sex with almost every fat woman in the area. I find that most distasteful, so I tend to avoid them. This is one of many reasons I avoid bashes like the plague as well.



I've heard this before, and I'm not going to say that I completely disagree. However, I consider myself to have a good judge of character. I hope and pray that I choose a quality man who treats me the way I deserve to be treated. While I may not always be a fan of everything he has done in the past, I also know that I am not perfect either. I understand that his past sexual encounters have nothing to do with me, but I do hope that he has made wise choices when in those situations. 

I guess that it's just too easy to lump all "FAs" into the label. Trusting myself to make a good choice when encountering any so-called "fa" is important. I'd hate to let some stigma keep me from being with someone who was worthwhile.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 24, 2006)

moonvine said:


> And you say this person is your friend?????????



Abbe means well even in her ignorance. Her reaction is merely one of looking out for me in that she believes that men who specifically like fat women are all sex fiends merely out to have sex with as many fat women as possible without actually caring about the person inside. It's hard to be angry at her when she knows no better. Fear will make someone say and do many ignorant things and lecturing often doesn't help. As she meets more decent folk her outlook is changing on it's own without my having to say anything at all. The woman never realized that many of the men she knew already were FA's and they weren't anything like the straw manimal she'd been told to loath.


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## Tina (Oct 24, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Really, to be perfectly honest, the quality I most associate with FA's is men who have had sex with almost every fat woman in the area. I find that most distasteful, so I tend to avoid them. This is one of many reasons I avoid bashes like the plague as well.



Has this been your experience, Kelley? Wow. That's sad. I have to say that there are a whole lot of shy admirers -- shy and respectful. I know there are some guys like that within the SA community, but then there are some women like that, too. And that goes for any community and not just ours.


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## RedVelvet (Oct 24, 2006)

This needs to be tattooed on a number of people's arses.

this....is EXACTLY what I want to say!

tis genius!..






> Some things I might ask or say to an FA or nonFA would be this:
> 
> _ don't immediately start asking me personal or intimate questions about my weight, measurements or eating habits without getting to know me in a civilized manner.(I am not an animal in a zoo to be studied so formally)
> 
> ...


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## moonvine (Oct 24, 2006)

Tina said:


> Has this been your experience, Kelley? Wow. That's sad. I have to say that there are a whole lot of shy admirers -- shy and respectful. I know there are some guys like that within the SA community, but then there are some women like that, too. And that goes for any community and not just ours.



Yep. It has been my experience. I have known some shy ones, but usually when they get to a bash and figure out they don't have to work to get sex they get pretty spoiled and don't want to have to actually interact with women socially in order to have sex with them. If fat chick A won't have sex with them they know they can go to fat chick B, so they don't need to waste time on fat chick A who won't put out. 

And yes, it is the women too. If it weren't, then the guys wouldn't be having sex with every fat woman in town, because the women wouldn't permit it. 

The last time I went to a bash, I actually just attended the dance at a bash. I had a guy buy me a few beers. When I was younger and thinner this was a commonplace occurrence - in fact, if I went out to a club and no one bought me a drink I considered it an off night. Apparently it is so unheard of in the fat community that a bunch of women demanded to know what I had done sexually in order to get him to buy me a drink! Cuz God forbid any of us actually get treated as well as a thin woman...


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 24, 2006)

What Tarella posted seems like it can also transpose over to all women in general. Women just wanted to be treated like the human beings we are- not just bodies here for the pleasure/amusement of males.
Kudos to those males that know this allready :bow:


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## Tina (Oct 24, 2006)

That really stinks, Kelley. I'm sure glad it's not like that everywhere, but I'm sorry you had to experience it.


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## Jack Skellington (Oct 24, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Really, to be perfectly honest, the quality I most associate with FA's is men who have had sex with almost every fat woman in the area.



I think what you are actually describing are "human beings." There are people, regardless of gender, physical preference and sexual orientation, that will try and mount anything that crosses their path. But that doesn't mean all people within a certain group or groups share that single minded behavioral pattern.


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## Jane (Oct 24, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> I think what you are actually describing are "human beings." There are people, regardless of gender, physical preference and sexual orientation, that will try and mount anything that crosses their path. But that doesn't mean all people within a certain group or groups share that single minded behavioral pattern.


Jack, you PROMISED me you wouldn't tell everyone. Sheesh!!!


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## Jack Skellington (Oct 24, 2006)

Jane said:


> Jack, you PROMISED me you wouldn't tell everyone. Sheesh!!!



Curses! Foiled again!


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## Eclectic_Girl (Oct 24, 2006)

activistfatgirl said:


> I sorta wish you had told her to STFU.
> 
> 
> On the question: Oh, the whole Non-FA/FA debate. I don't think I've sounded off on this yet, so I will. Personally, I'm very interested in FAs because I want someone to find fat as erotic as I do, and I want that element in my sexual relationships whenever possible. (Nothin' like someone's heartfelt utterance of "oh my god you're so big"--RARR!).
> ...



Sing it, sister!

Seriously, have you been spying on my thoughts? Not that I mind, just want to know who's visiting my brain....


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Oct 25, 2006)

Bashes are not great places to find boyfriends or girlfriends. Many of the people who go to them are just looking for a good time and nothing more. Some are sex fiends and some just have low self-esteem. So the only way they can obtain attention from the opposite sex is to jump on every man or woman they can find. I don't agree with this.

I enjoy bashes because they are opportunities to travel and to meet like-minded people outside my own metropolitan area. I try not to expect too much from them, though. I've attended bashes almost every year since 2001 and a person really can't take them too seriously.




moonvine said:


> Yep. It has been my experience. I have known some shy ones, but usually when they get to a bash and figure out they don't have to work to get sex they get pretty spoiled and don't want to have to actually interact with women socially in order to have sex with them. If fat chick A won't have sex with them they know they can go to fat chick B, so they don't need to waste time on fat chick A who won't put out.
> 
> And yes, it is the women too. If it weren't, then the guys wouldn't be having sex with every fat woman in town, because the women wouldn't permit it.
> 
> The last time I went to a bash, I actually just attended the dance at a bash. I had a guy buy me a few beers. When I was younger and thinner this was a commonplace occurrence - in fact, if I went out to a club and no one bought me a drink I considered it an off night. Apparently it is so unheard of in the fat community that a bunch of women demanded to know what I had done sexually in order to get him to buy me a drink! Cuz God forbid any of us actually get treated as well as a thin woman...


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## StrawberryShortcake (Oct 25, 2006)

Leonard LePage said:


> I have read on this board that there are some girls who don't really like dating men who would be described as FAs. Though I don't know anyone in my social circles familiar with the term, I have also run into women who carry a disdain or distrust of "guys who like fat girls".
> 
> For example, an ex-girlfriend of mine once told me that she didn't want the next guy she dated to be an FA because she wanted him to simply like her despite her body and not because of it. I countered this by asking her what was wrong with a guy liking both her personality and her body, and her response was that being with an FA sometimes made her feel fetishized.
> 
> My question is, what qualities do you associate with FAs? What sort of stigma does the term carry? Are there other traits you associate with FAs aside from preferring the female form?



I can explain to you why some women do not like to date FA's. Many women (and men) want to be adored for there own individual quirks. I don't always prefer an Fat Admirer. I just like A Josie Admirer. Someone who finds me cute. And there are plenty of guys who like bigger girls just for the sensual feeling of it. Who are indifferent to weight gain. Most people dont have a kinky sexual fantasy like feeding their girlfriend chocolate elclairs and watching her get fat. So when a women has grown up with no special sexual fantasy and she encounters you oggling all over her fat rolls she thinks that you must be crazy. That you're attracted to something she has disliked her whole life. She just doesn't understand that it's actually quite innocent, and rather endearing if she actually thought about it for a moment. There is nothing perverse or strange about liking the zaftig female form. 

We are brainwashed into thinking that the important things in life are having nice clothes, a top education, a nice car, a slim waist, the right friends, and being fiercly independent. I think there is much more value in friendship, love, honor, loyalty, a home cooked meal, a joke. So a young man such as yourself gets the feeling that something is wrong with him when really everything is wrong with society. And when we're taught that we're wierd all the time our confidence suffers, then you have a brilliant boy such as yourself doubting himself and feeling confused. I can tell you that it is difficult to keep an open and objective mind when you feel like that. 

So realize that there will always be girls who are totally brainwashed and you should probably avoid them like the plague from here on out if you can. Also, realize that you are in college and will be out of college one day and your life will change. Life changes all the time and you don't want to be in a bad mood when that fat girl of your dreams squeezes throught the door! So, though it seems like fun to be all emo all the time, it is not. Life is much more fun when you look on the bright side. 

All that being said some FA's are a bit emphatic in their FA-ness. I personally like FA's so I see all sorts of qualities that non FA's don't have. Like staring at fat girls. Making awkward comments about fat girls and food. Umm, staring at fat rolls. Grabbing said fat rolls. Buying their dates an exorbitant amount of food. Talking about weight gain while doing the dirty dirty. Generally just being gaga over fat girls. Not necesarily a bad thing, but it can ruffle some chicks feathers. Me, I am a very bubbly young lady and I really can't stand to be around PC people. Feeling guilty, angry, resentful, or bitter is like poison for our bodies. 

Don't ever apologize for liking fat girls. There is nothing wrong with it. Stay away from the haters who stress you about liking fat girls. They are bad for your health. You will probably make some gorgeous girl very happy one day with your preferences. It's just sometimes its hard to tell up from down and right from wrong in this crazy world.


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## StrawberryShortcake (Oct 25, 2006)

Also, I would like to add that some people get off on emotional games. It takes two to play, though.


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## lemmink (Oct 25, 2006)

There's so many negative issues that seem to surround FAs. Bleh.

I've always been a bit leery of these topics. As an FFA, I associate fat admirers with exciting sexual-orientation-related neurosis, inability to commit in relationships, sleeping around, being completely closeted, low self-esteem when it comes to being able to choose the right partner, playing emotional games, and jumping into relationships for attraction value alone. Now that's entirely my experience of being an fat admirer - i.e., being a lousy human being in general - and I honestly don't think that I'm the worst FA out there. So I completely understand people who have negative issues with FAs and y'know, I wouldn't want to date me either.


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## MissToodles (Oct 25, 2006)

Jes said:


> Right? Jesus. If y'all aren't careful, I'm gonna bring out my theory about all of this again, and you don't want that!



Forward me this pm.You said I hit on part of it before!


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## RedVelvet (Oct 25, 2006)

lemmink said:


> There's so many negative issues that seem to surround FAs. Bleh.
> 
> I've always been a bit leery of these topics. As an FFA, I associate fat admirers with exciting sexual-orientation-related neurosis, inability to commit in relationships, sleeping around, being completely closeted, low self-esteem when it comes to being able to choose the right partner, playing emotional games, and jumping into relationships for attraction value alone. Now that's entirely my experience of being an fat admirer - i.e., being a lousy human being in general - and I honestly don't think that I'm the worst FA out there. So I completely understand people who have negative issues with FAs and y'know, I wouldn't want to date me either.





Whoa.....that was brutal, kiddo....


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Oct 25, 2006)

Jane said:


> I was listening to a radio show this morning and Carlos Mencia was talking about he and his friends going out "hogging." (Go out, get drunk, talk to fat chicks.) Not the kind of shit I need to hear first thing on a Monday morning. Then you hear him in the background saying, "Actually, it's kinda fun." Gee, imagine that.
> 
> I don't know the answer. I've never dated a confident FA. Most tend to come out with some particular area they like...big butts, ample thighs, big boobs. I figure once a guy has mentioned four or five body parts they like big, it's time to face reality. But then, I'm me, not them.


Yee gods, he has a radio talk show now? ><

Carlos Mencia was funny the first 7 times comedy central re-showed his standup, but now I think it's time for his saga to come to an end. Possibly involving a car, duct tape, and a lot of bricks.

Honestly, where does he come from, being as big as he is? It's like there's some underlying assumption that men have no physical dimension to their attractiveness. In either case, I think the last thing any girl wants is some sweaty drunk guy trying incoherently to chat her up while only half-succeeding in choking back small vomits.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Oct 25, 2006)

lemmink said:


> There's so many negative issues that seem to surround FAs. Bleh.
> 
> I've always been a bit leery of these topics. As an FFA, I associate fat admirers with exciting sexual-orientation-related neurosis, inability to commit in relationships, sleeping around, being completely closeted, low self-esteem when it comes to being able to choose the right partner, playing emotional games, and jumping into relationships for attraction value alone. Now that's entirely my experience of being an fat admirer - i.e., being a lousy human being in general - and I honestly don't think that I'm the worst FA out there. So I completely understand people who have negative issues with FAs and y'know, I wouldn't want to date me either.



Just to check, is that sarcasm or serious? The tone doesn't always come out well over the net.


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## activistfatgirl (Oct 25, 2006)

Eclectic_Girl said:


> Sing it, sister!
> 
> Seriously, have you been spying on my thoughts? Not that I mind, just want to know who's visiting my brain....




Ha Ha. What are we going to do??


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Oct 25, 2006)

The most important thing is liking the person and having her like you. There is nothing like that mutual compatibility. That is why I prefer to get to know a woman for awhile before I tell her I'm an FA and that I do things with the BBW-BHM-FA subculture. She needs to see that I want to get to know her as an individual and not just play with her fat rolls.



StrawberryShortcake said:


> I can explain to you why some women do not like to date FA's. Many women (and men) want to be adored for there own individual quirks. I don't always prefer an Fat Admirer. I just like A Josie Admirer. Someone who finds me cute. And there are plenty of guys who like bigger girls just for the sensual feeling of it. Who are indifferent to weight gain. Most people dont have a kinky sexual fantasy like feeding their girlfriend chocolate elclairs and watching her get fat. So when a women has grown up with no special sexual fantasy and she encounters you oggling all over her fat rolls she thinks that you must be crazy. That you're attracted to something she has disliked her whole life. She just doesn't understand that it's actually quite innocent, and rather endearing if she actually thought about it for a moment. There is nothing perverse or strange about liking the zaftig female form.
> 
> We are brainwashed into thinking that the important things in life are having nice clothes, a top education, a nice car, a slim waist, the right friends, and being fiercly independent. I think there is much more value in friendship, love, honor, loyalty, a home cooked meal, a joke. So a young man such as yourself gets the feeling that something is wrong with him when really everything is wrong with society. And when we're taught that we're wierd all the time our confidence suffers, then you have a brilliant boy such as yourself doubting himself and feeling confused. I can tell you that it is difficult to keep an open and objective mind when you feel like that.
> 
> ...


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## Jack Skellington (Oct 26, 2006)

lemmink said:


> I wouldn't want to date me either.



Well, not anymore. You're not exactly selling yourself there.


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## lemmink (Oct 26, 2006)

Well, there's a reason why I've always put forward some doubts about FAs in other threads, usually along the Animal Farm-ish lines of, "Some FAs are better than others."

My post was completely serious. I've been a fairly horrible person to date in the past - and that's toward both the thin people I had no sexual interest in, and the fat people I never introduced to my parents or friends. While I'd like to think I've redeemed myself somewhat since then (having come out about my FFAness and apologised to those who mattered), I'm okay about being open about what kind of useless pile of shit I was then. 

There's a lot of very nice and sensitive FAs who've posted about how they've behaved with women/men, but as many folks have discovered (and mentioned), not all FAs are great freaking people, and some of them bring a heckuvalot of issues with them. Well, I've BEEN one of those people. I think their concerns are completely warranted.

On other threads covering this subject, there's always a huge surge of support from FAs for women/men who say they love FAs, and those who have their doubts about FAs after dating them don't get that kind of vindication. Yeah, you can say that you were with an FA who was horrible, and whose own internal sexual conflict seriously affected you and your self-esteem... but there's going to be a hundred other voices out there drowning you out about how that person was a one-off, and their FAness had nothing to do with the fact that deep down, they were just a lousy asshole. And of course, very few FAs are going to say, "Hey, I HAVE been a horrible person. I wasn't comfortable in my sexuality and I've been a complete prick as a result. You folks have totally described me."

I don't think I'm a one-off, and I honestly don't think _everyone_ else out there has made a smooth transition to accepting their FAness, otherwise there wouldn't be so many stories about mistreatment, satyro/nymphomania and other twisted relationships out there. 

I'm not trying to sell myself - I'm in a secure, fat-friendly relationship now of almost a year - and I'm not trying to say that all FAs are like me: they're clearly not. I'm just telling it like it sometimes is, from the other side of the fence.


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## RedVelvet (Oct 26, 2006)

I Really...REALLY respect the above post.

You impress me.


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## NFA (Oct 26, 2006)

lemmink said:


> Well, there's a reason why I've always put forward some doubts about FAs in other threads, usually along the Animal Farm-ish lines of, "Some FAs are better than others."
> 
> My post was completely serious. I've been a fairly horrible person to date in the past - and that's toward both the thin people I had no sexual interest in, and the fat people I never introduced to my parents or friends. While I'd like to think I've redeemed myself somewhat since then (having come out about my FFAness and apologised to those who mattered), I'm okay about being open about what kind of useless pile of shit I was then.
> 
> ...



To be perfectly blunt, have you considered that your issues were more personal and not the result of being an FA? There are plenty of screwed-up folks who aren't FA's. Why presume that your problems were because you were an FA and not because are you? One of the worst slights against FA's is blaming general problems on a specific preference. I'd propose that you may be falling for that line yourself in your eagerness to blame your preference for your past behavior.


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## lemmink (Oct 28, 2006)

NFA said:


> To be perfectly blunt, have you considered that your issues were more personal and not the result of being an FA? There are plenty of screwed-up folks who aren't FA's. Why presume that your problems were because you were an FA and not because are you? One of the worst slights against FA's is blaming general problems on a specific preference. I'd propose that you may be falling for that line yourself in your eagerness to blame your preference for your past behavior.



I've considered this at length, actually. You're quite right of course, being an FA wasn't the problem. Being in a family and having friends who were far from being fat friendly was the problem. Being unable to take part in conversations with my peers about 'sexy guys' (sexy? WHAT?) was the problem. Being constantly questioned by my fat dates why I wanted to be with them (yay, low self-esteem!) and by my thin dates why I was so obviously uninterested in touching them (yay, creating low self-esteem!). Being unable to take my fat dates out with my ridiculously-superficial friends and family for fear they'd start making rude comments, and being unable to take thin dates home for fear they might try to, y'know, _get it onnnn_. Being constantly told by everyone - thanks family, friends, and gee, the media? - that I was a complete sexual deviant. And so on and so forth - I think everyone's heard these laments before in some form or another. Heck, if I hadn't found the internet I'd have had no idea that there were other people out there like me, and would have resigned myself to livin' in the FA closet for the rest of my life. 

So no, being an FA wasn't my problem. If I'd had more knowledge and been a generally stronger person, I'd have been quite fine with it. And hey, if a sexy fat bloke with great self-esteem who was funny, clever and deeply in love with me had come my way, things might have been a helluvalot better. But you can't really tell me that if these problems would have arisen anyway if I hadn't been an FA. And even if I HAD been a completely different person, the very MLK of FA, those problems would still have come up - I'd just have dealt with them differently. 

Fact is that FAs get a different deal from non-FAs, a fact that I don't think anyone would dispute.


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## NFA (Oct 28, 2006)

Of course FA's have it different. But almost everyone has it different in some way or another. Or responses to those differences is not product of the difference but of ourselves. Every FA is surrounded by people who aren't fat friendly. I'd like to meet the one who isn't so I could tell them they are a lucky person. Growing up, ALL of my friends were fat negative. Because that's just what almost everyone is. They were still supportive of me. Or at the least, they weren't hostile about it. Admitedly, I tend to be naive so I wouldn't have thought about having problems being an FA before I thought to be open about it. I didn't really think about being open about it at all. I just was.

You aren't a bad person because you struggled with your identity as an FA. You made choices. A lot of people do. You seem to recognize that now and have a strong degree of self-awareness. But, I'd still suggest that your problems weren't because you are an FA but because you are you. I realize some women and men make judgements about all FA's because they encountered someone making the mistakes you made. I understand why they feel justified in writing off all men and women who are FA's. But, its still not a fair judgement to make. Its blaming a preference for a personal failing. Some men are superficial and only care about looks. When an FA does that, its not because they like fat women. Its because they are a man and are being a poor representation of their gender. Some people are afraid to be themselves and try to hide their true self from the world. When an FA does this, its not because of a special shame resulting from fat attraction. Its because they have personal issues. Simply put, there are FA's who aren't all of things that are used to justify negativity towards FA's. That's proof enough that it isn't the FA part, but rather issues of humanity which impact far more people than FA's.

At the end of the day, though, if a woman doesn't go for the FA type, that's fine by me. I'm not interested in women who wouldn't want to date an FA. I want to be attracted to all that a woman is, and if she is hostile to me being attracted to part of who she is, then I would find that to be a very unsatisfying relationship. So if someone doesn't go for the "FA type", all I can say is that feeling is entirely mutual.


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## lemmink (Oct 29, 2006)

As I said before, not all FAs are like me, and not all of them had the same problems. But I'm afraid you can't separate things out that easily - you can't say that without being FA, a person would still be an asshole. 

I think the easiest example to use here is coming out as gay. This is seen as a process for people - the whole cycle of acceptance, etc. I've never heard anyone say that this process is not part of being gay, and that it's entirely separate from the person's sexuality and due only to their own personal problems. You can't divide the problems that arise solely because of a person's sexuality from the sexuality itself. That's why I can say "FA issues" and everyone here immediately understands what I'm talking about. 

Our sexuality shapes us just as surely as our environment does. Our environment's responses to our sexuality are just as strong. I'm sorry, but being an FA _creates_ personal issues. Saying that 'bad' FAs would be assholes anyway is kind of like saying that a guy who got hit with a stick every time he thought of sex would have had problems getting it up anyway. (Or would have developed some kind of interesting stick-related sexual fetish despite things...) Yeah, it might have happened. But chances are that the two are related. 

I can say, quite honestly, that if I was not an FA, I wouldn't have been a megabitch. That's just me, though.


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