# So I went to the doctor today...



## NancyGirl74 (Mar 29, 2007)

I started a new job about a month ago and part of being a preschool teacher involves having a physical and receiving a Mantoux test. No biggie. Done it many-o-time before. My employer set up an appointment for me and I went in this afternoon. After waiting (and waiting) I was weighed, blood pressured, and grilled with the usual questions ("Do you smoke, drink, have any cousins with weird moles?) by the nurse. A few minutes later the doctor came in and repeated the questions. Then she asked me very kindly if I was "working on" my weight. I said that yes I was and that it's a constant struggle and blah blah blahbity blah blah. That's when she started to say, "Have you thought about-". Before she could even get the words out I said, "Look, I know you mean well but I've been fat all my life. I've struggled with it all my life and I will for the rest of my life. Yes, I have looked into weight loss surgery and no, I do not feel it is right for me." I went on to tell her that I was about 50 lbs heavier two years ago and that I lost the weight on my own and that I would continue to do so until I feel I need to do something different. And when I was done with my little speech the doctor nodded, smiled, and said, "You'll get there." I'm not sure what that meant but I took it as something positive. 

I'm not sure why I feel the need to share this story but I've never quite had an encounter like that with a doctor before. Usually, they push until I'm either pissed or getting emotional. This doctor just seemed to respect that I knew what was best for myself. Like I said, I've never really experienced that before....then again I've never spoken to a doctor like that before either. I usually shut up, pray for it to be over, and leave feeling like maybe they are right until I remember all the reasons why they are not. As least, not for me. 

I am not in any way, shape, or form against WLS and if I ever needed to have it for the sake of my health and life I would...It's just not for me at this point and I don't want to feel pressured by someone who doesn't really know me or what I need in life. I went in expecting the pressure and when it started to come my way I was able to head it off. Oddly, enough I don't feel happy or proud for standing up for myself but instead I feel... resigned, I guess. Resigned to the fact that no matter the doctor or how kind he/she may be I will always, always have to deal with the weight questions, suggestions, and advice. This resigned feeling also leaves me a bit sad, though I'm not sure why. Really, it's not new knowledge to me...maybe I'm just not brushing it off or wearing blinders for the first time. Who knows...

Anyway, this is a long aimless sort of ramble but I just felt the need to say it...to put it out there in cyber world and let it become what may. 





PS...I didn't know where to post this so I just stuck it here. If it's not the right place please move it to wherever it works best. Thanks


----------



## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 29, 2007)

Nancy, I completely understand your feelings.... sincerely. I've been going regularly to my "family" physician for nearly three years. Prior to that, I only went when I was half dead from a serious cold or flu...which was just about never. Well, I really like this woman, and she keeps me coming back for regular check ups quarterly. BUT, we always, always, always, always, ALWAYS have to have the "when are you going to lose weight" discussion. We have this discussion despite the fact that all of my vitals are VERY normal... BP, heart rate, cholesterol, triglycerides, sugar...all normal. Even SHE is amazed at that, but yet we have the weight loss discussion every single time I go. I've even come right out and said "I'm happy, I'm healthy, I feel good... I DON'T CARE IF I LOSE WEIGHT..... would I like to be thinner??? Yes, but I don't want to be bothered with the effort. I am happy. 

It is very frustrating to know that we will continually have these discussions. The same thing happens when I go to my ob/gyn. Same damn discussion every single year. The whole pap smear/gyno exam takes a whopping 10 minutes, but we end up having a 20 minute discussion on losing weight. I just want to say LET IT BE for God's sakes. 

And to you Nancy, I say BRAVO for standing up and saying your piece. Good for you. She/He didn't know you from Adam...she had no business getting into that with you. You needed a physical, she gave you the physical... that's what should have been done.

Just know that you have a pal here at Dims who is right there with you. 








NancyGirl74 said:


> I started a new job about a month ago and part of being a preschool teacher involves having a physical and receiving a Mantoux test. No biggie. Done it many-o-time before. My employer set up an appointment for me and I went in this afternoon. After waiting (and waiting) I was weighed, blood pressured, and grilled with the usual questions ("Do you smoke, drink, have any cousins with weird moles?) by the nurse. A few minutes later the doctor came in and repeated the questions. Then she asked me very kindly if I was "working on" my weight. I said that yes I was and that it's a constant struggle and blah blah blahbity blah blah. That's when she started to say, "Have you thought about-". Before she could even get the words out I said, "Look, I know you mean well but I've been fat all my life. I've struggled with it all my life and I will for the rest of my life. Yes, I have looked into weight loss surgery and no, I do not feel it is right for me." I went on to tell her that I was about 50 lbs heavier two years ago and that I lost the weight on my own and that I would continue to do so until I feel I need to do something different. And when I was done with my little speech the doctor nodded, smiled, and said, "You'll get there." I'm not sure what that meant but I took it as something positive.
> 
> I'm not sure why I feel the need to share this story but I've never quite had an encounter like that with a doctor before. Usually, they push until I'm either pissed or getting emotional. This doctor just seemed to respect that I knew what was best for myself. Like I said, I've never really experienced that before....then again I've never spoken to a doctor like that before either. I usually shut up, pray for it to be over, and leave feeling like maybe they are right until I remember all the reasons why they are not. As least, not for me.
> 
> ...


----------



## Kareda (Mar 29, 2007)

So glad you stuck up for yourself and the Dr seemed receptive. I *love* my Dr. A few months ago I could barely breathe- rolling over in bed I was gasping for air. I went in and when talking with him, I brought up my weight and asked if that could be why. He said, "karenda, I know plenty of people even bigger then you that can still breathe when they roll over" I needed steroids to open my airways due to an upper respiratory system. He has NEVER mentioned my weight. 

I also changed my OB 6 years ago because the last one said I needed an internal ultrasound due to my weight- since the year prior that caused my miscarriage I has so much anxiety and was referred by a friend to my current one. when I told her what the prev one said she was shocked, rolled her eyes and said that it was bullshit.

There ARE doctors out there that accept you, I wish there was more though!

Hope you can continue your fight and you are no longer afraid to go to the Doctor and speak up!


----------



## imfree (Mar 29, 2007)

I've been known to give new doctors my affidavit. We can usually
have an intelligent conversation after he/she gets back up, off the floor. My
beloved friend and doctor "TJ" never even flinched when she read it! 

Affidavit With Respect
To Medical Care

I, Edgar A Greene do hereby certify that I 

will not hold any medical care-giver responsable for

weight-gain that could occur as a result of my insulin 

dosage being increased. I am far more concerned 

about the consequences of elevated blood sugar than 

weight gain. 

I prefer to be heavy. It is part of my sexuality 

and body-image preferences. I even prefer women 

who are as obese as I am.


----------



## saucywench (Mar 29, 2007)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Oddly, enough I don't feel happy or proud for standing up for myself but instead I feel... resigned, I guess. Resigned to the fact that no matter the doctor or how kind he/she may be I will always, always have to deal with the weight questions, suggestions, and advice. This resigned feeling also leaves me a bit sad, though I'm not sure why. Really, it's not new knowledge to me...maybe I'm just not brushing it off or wearing blinders for the first time. Who knows...


I'm not sure what I want to say here, Nancy. It's late and I'm tired, but I read your post and felt compelled to respond in some way.

I think most of us fat people have felt that same sense of resignation. But the difference, at least for me, is that the resignation and sadness comes not from the fact that I inhabit a fat body--it's from the fact that, no matter how intelligent or kind or compassionate X person might be in all other aspects of their lives, their opinion of us always seems to be filtered through the 'fat=bad' lens. It is unceasing, something we can never escape from. It's not that we wish to escape from our fat--we wish to escape from such harsh and critical judgment. I mean, how dare we be content with ourselves and our lives as we are. The nerve! 

It's one thing to dismiss the casual and cruel remarks from an oafish stranger. The thing about doctors is, aside from any personal feelings about fat that they may have, it is being stressed by the medical community that they have a "responsibility" as healthcare professionals to "educate" their patients about the "dangers" of excess weight. Doctors are just as guilty as anyone else about conforming to expectations of their peers or higher-ups. It would be rare to find a doctor who would assess our conditions from a holistic standpoint and make the determination that some people are just naturally fat and, if they we are healthy in every other way, to just let us be. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, in other words.

I think you handled the situation well, but it seems to me that your doctor adopted a condescending tone with you with her "you'll get there" remark. What is confounding to me is the arrogant assumption of people who believe everyone should think and feel and behave as they do. Just because an opinion is widely held doesn't make it universally right. It's just an opinion. 

We shouldn't be made to feel defensive about what to us is a natural state. It's a big, big world out there. Why must we all conform to such narrowly held ideals and beliefs? I find those who choose to live outside the box, who are capable of an independent thought, much more fascinating and often more, dare I say it, humane.

I hope that made some sense.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Mar 30, 2007)

Mike and I went to the Dr's together in early Feb or late Jan. My appointment was first as it was my first UK apointment. I talked a lot about my pcos and needing a specialist cos I want to be a BC but most of them make me bleed like mad...and I would like to see a dietician who knows about PCOS and Insulin resistance...I swear to god if one more person calls me diabetic I'm going to punch them, lol. NOT THE SAME THING PEOPLE!!! 

Anyways....I spent about half an hour with the dr...and she didn't mention my size at all...and Im a very big girl and I was ready for the "lose weight or you will die talk"...it never came.

Mike's turn in the hot seat came. LMAO! She grilled him about what he ate and how much he exercised for at least 10 minutes, lol. It was all I could but not laugh at the irony of it all.

As we walked to the car all he could say was "it's bloody not fair" lol. I know why she didn't mention my weight...she couldn't have gave a fuck's fuck if I died...this is the same Dr who didn't bat an eye when I said I thought I had a miscarriage 2 days ago. That whore needs to wake up. Fat people are everywhere....and they will be in her office, relying on her to be professional.

I do have to say however, I enjoyed calling Mike chubby that day, lol. And you all have seen pics....his body is perfect, lol.


----------



## Ruby Ripples (Mar 30, 2007)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Mike and I went to the Dr's together in early Feb or late Jan. My appointment was first as it was my first UK apointment. I talked a lot about my pcos and needing a specialist cos I want to be a BC but most of them make me bleed like mad...and I would like to see a dietician who knows about PCOS and Insulin resistance...I swear to god if one more person calls me diabetic I'm going to punch them, lol. NOT THE SAME THING PEOPLE!!!
> 
> Anyways....I spent about half an hour with the dr...and she didn't mention my size at all...and Im a very big girl and I was ready for the "lose weight or you will die talk"...it never came.
> 
> ...



Donni, I truly don't believe that your doctor cared more about Mike than you. Don't you think it much more likely that at the size you are, she realised that you have probably had the weight lectures many times and could see that you are clued up about your weight and medical conditions, but perhaps she felt Mike was at his heaviest and she decided to give him a heads-up chat about it. I don't know her agenda, but the way you clearly feel about her, would you really have been happier if she HAD given you the lecture? Wouldn't you feel righteous indignance? If I told my doctor I felt I'd just had a miscarriage, he wouldn't bat an eyelid either, and I like it that way. Doctor's have to stay calm and emotionally detached, however they feel and it must be hard. Do you mean that you think you've had a miscarriage since the ectopic pregnancy? And if so, were bloods taken to see if you had been pregnant - the hormone levels would have still been raised. However... if that is the case, do you feel it would be positive for you to know you did have a miscarriage? I can see this doctor's uncaring attitude appearance has upset you and I'm sorry about that as I know you recently had the ectopic which must have been awfully traumatic. Please just know that doctors are like people anywhere, good, bad and indifferent. Also..as you know, people in the UK don't pay to see doctors, so that usually means overflowing waiting rooms and overworked doctors, resulting in .. in my doctor's case, five minutes alloted per patient appointment. I've never in my life been in with the doctor for more than ten mins. Maybe when you are feeling better she won't seem such an uncaring ogre, but if she does... change doctor, it's your right and you don't have to give a reason. Good luck!


----------



## Ruby Ripples (Mar 30, 2007)

NancyGirl74 said:


> I started a new job about a month ago and part of being a preschool teacher involves having a physical and receiving a Mantoux test. No biggie. Done it many-o-time before. My employer set up an appointment for me and I went in this afternoon. After waiting (and waiting) I was weighed, blood pressured, and grilled with the usual questions ("Do you smoke, drink, have any cousins with weird moles?) by the nurse. A few minutes later the doctor came in and repeated the questions. Then she asked me very kindly if I was "working on" my weight. I said that yes I was and that it's a constant struggle and blah blah blahbity blah blah. That's when she started to say, "Have you thought about-". Before she could even get the words out I said, "Look, I know you mean well but I've been fat all my life. I've struggled with it all my life and I will for the rest of my life. Yes, I have looked into weight loss surgery and no, I do not feel it is right for me." I went on to tell her that I was about 50 lbs heavier two years ago and that I lost the weight on my own and that I would continue to do so until I feel I need to do something different. And when I was done with my little speech the doctor nodded, smiled, and said, "You'll get there." I'm not sure what that meant but I took it as something positive.
> 
> I'm not sure why I feel the need to share this story but I've never quite had an encounter like that with a doctor before. Usually, they push until I'm either pissed or getting emotional. This doctor just seemed to respect that I knew what was best for myself. Like I said, I've never really experienced that before....then again I've never spoken to a doctor like that before either. I usually shut up, pray for it to be over, and leave feeling like maybe they are right until I remember all the reasons why they are not. As least, not for me.
> 
> ...



Hooray for doctors that give us credit for having a brain! That's really nice that she accepted what you said.. my doctor is the best one I've had yet and never comments on my weight unless it directly and clearly is affecting something and even then never in a lecturing way. I was spoken to last year by a Cardiologist who actually had a curled lip sneer on his face and was downright rude. He was even swinging back on his chair as he spoke to me. I told him to sit properly, then on his question about WLS I completely mortified him by showing up his utter lack of knowledge on the different procedures. I knew 100% more than he did about the options, and how the Scottish Executive has laid aside special funding for obesity surgery. He ended up stuttering like an idiot. He SO obviously thought fat = stupid and then he had to change his attitude towards me. I had to have a heart ultrasound and I wondered why the lady holding the scanny thing was so sweet to me, patting my hand etc.. then the Cardiologist barged in and barked "so did you manage to get any sort of image at all?", to which I felt the lady bristle and she said between gritted teeth "absolutely perfect images, no problem at all". When he strutted off I saw her look at the male technician and the pair of them shake their heads at each other. He had obviouly been in before me and told them they wouldnt be able to get a picture ... and in not a nice manner by the way they looked delighted when they did. 

Anyway, sorry for MY ramble now lol thats been really my only fat-nasty doctor experience and he was a supposedly highly educated, intelligent person but couldnt even communicate properly with a fat person, so great was his intolerance. So... I can see how much you appreciated this doctor who just gave you credit for doing your own thing your way.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Mar 30, 2007)

Ruby Ripples said:


> Donni, I truly don't believe that your doctor cared more about Mike than you. Don't you think it much more likely that at the size you are, she realised that you have probably had the weight lectures many times and could see that you are clued up about your weight and medical conditions, but perhaps she felt Mike was at his heaviest and she decided to give him a heads-up chat about it. I don't know her agenda, but the way you clearly feel about her, would you really have been happier if she HAD given you the lecture? Wouldn't you feel righteous indignance? If I told my doctor I felt I'd just had a miscarriage, he wouldn't bat an eyelid either, and I like it that way. Doctor's have to stay calm and emotionally detached, however they feel and it must be hard. Do you mean that you think you've had a miscarriage since the ectopic pregnancy? And if so, were bloods taken to see if you had been pregnant - the hormone levels would have still been raised. However... if that is the case, do you feel it would be positive for you to know you did have a miscarriage? I can see this doctor's uncaring attitude appearance has upset you and I'm sorry about that as I know you recently had the ectopic which must have been awfully traumatic. Please just know that doctors are like people anywhere, good, bad and indifferent. Also..as you know, people in the UK don't pay to see doctors, so that usually means overflowing waiting rooms and overworked doctors, resulting in .. in my doctor's case, five minutes alloted per patient appointment. I've never in my life been in with the doctor for more than ten mins. Maybe when you are feeling better she won't seem such an uncaring ogre, but if she does... change doctor, it's your right and you don't have to give a reason. Good luck!



Nonono this was during the whole ectopic thing. I told her what I thought happened and she didn't ask a single question. As a Dr she should have asked questions, at least given me a pregnancy test etc.

I'm not saying I wanted a lecture, but that combined with the complete lack of care all over, she couldnt have cared less.

And Mike isn't as his heaviest by like 30 lbs

But whatever. I have learned she is very dumb and I will have to do her job for her to look out after my welfare.

I want to change Dr...I have begged Mike...but he can't be bothered since we would have to go a town over.

And as far as time with the Dr...we were both alloted 20min, I can guarentee that. And Mike and together got us 40 minutes.

I realise I have been super fat all my life...that fact alone has given me the super ability to tell when people care about me or not, are talking about me or not, and in general think they are better than me. Generally, I can prove them wrong, but sometimes, people just need an old school back handing.


----------



## Chimpi (Mar 30, 2007)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Oddly, enough I don't feel happy or proud for standing up for myself but instead I feel... resigned, I guess. Resigned to the fact that no matter the doctor or how kind he/she may be I will always, always have to deal with the weight questions, suggestions, and advice. This resigned feeling also leaves me a bit sad, though I'm not sure why. Really, it's not new knowledge to me...maybe I'm just not brushing it off or wearing blinders for the first time. Who knows...



That's very understandable for you to feel this way in what has happened, Nancy. It certainly is.  Hell, I feel sad for you and every other person that has to go in to see the doctor and every time they do, they get the lecture, the questions, and the pressure. Unfortunately, it's a common practice for doctors, and will no sooner be over than it will get any worse.
But it is good that you said your ... for lack of a better term ... 'peace' with the doctor about the issue. And it is very good that she understood what you were getting at, as well. Maybe she has had many patients like you (well, odds are, she has) and has had the confrontation, or maybe she herself has had to struggle with the issue.
Or, maybe, she is just an understanding doctor. Who knows.
Sometimes, it is healthy to sit, unwind, and think about what has just occurred. But, as difficult as it may seem, I would suggest brushing it off and keep doing what you feel _you_ want to do, because ultimately that is in your best interests.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Mar 30, 2007)

Thats my girl. . 

Some Dr's are just great. It sounds to me like you stated your point and you said that you have been working on it and that you have had success with what you are doing, any good Dr. would see that.

Dr's have to say something about your weight I think. I mean lets face it there are issues that go along with being overweight and they would be foolish not to say something. It would be like a Dermatologist looking at skin cancer on someones nose and not mentioning it.

There needs to be more Dr's like the one you saw. What is his name, maybe I can go see him.


----------



## Ruby Ripples (Mar 30, 2007)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Nonono this was during the whole ectopic thing. I told her what I thought happened and she didn't ask a single question. As a Dr she should have asked questions, at least given me a pregnancy test etc.
> 
> I'm not saying I wanted a lecture, but that combined with the complete lack of care all over, she couldnt have cared less.
> 
> ...



Yes she should of course have taken your concerns seriously and investigated. Never mind Mike, YOU can change doctor yourself. This site will tell you everything you need to know, and I'm sure you could change Doctor over the phone, I know I did in Scotland. http://www.nhs.uk/england/doctors/ If Mike is happy with the GP then he can stay with her. If you need to see the doctor you can get a cab or a bus worst case scenario.


----------



## Zandoz (Mar 30, 2007)

I'm doing the new doctor thing also. As soon as she started in about my weight, I told her "Been there, done that on the diet thing, and it was responsible for a lot of my health issues and at least 1/3 of my current weight". The next thing was "Have you considered more drastic measures?" My response..."Excluded on my insurance, and I can't afford it". End of discussion.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Mar 30, 2007)

Ruby Ripples said:


> Yes she should of course have taken your concerns seriously and investigated. Never mind Mike, YOU can change doctor yourself. This site will tell you everything you need to know, and I'm sure you could change Doctor over the phone, I know I did in Scotland. http://www.nhs.uk/england/doctors/ If Mike is happy with the GP then he can stay with her. If you need to see the doctor you can get a cab or a bus worst case scenario.




With this country as fat phobic as it is, at least in the south, I have been terrifed of public transport, lol. i've wanted to get on the buses and trains but even Em, who is only about 300 pounds warned me against them. I feel I can't lose weight fast enough to fit in to this society!

However, in the next few months, if I get my way (yeah right, lol) we will have an automatic car and I can tell Mike to buggar off, lol.


----------



## BubbleButtBabe (Mar 30, 2007)

Dr. Jerome Groopman has written a book called," How Doctors Think"..In it he described how most doctors make up their mind about a patient in the first 18 seconds of meeting them..He said a lot of doctors will not listen to a patient if the patient has a voice that grates on their nerves,has a personality the doctor does not like or is not the type of patient the doctor wants to see(what ever the hell that means). Dr. Groopman said that is the reason a lot of patients have to keep changing doctors to get good medical care..He blames the medical profession for treating patients so badly..He said students in med school are taught to be scientific about the body and not taught to really listen to what the patient is saying..He said if doctors really listened to the patient then there would not be as big a need for unnecessary test..He said the patients give clues to what is wrong with their bodies..Seems like a good book to read..


----------



## Mikey (Mar 30, 2007)

Good for you Nancy!! I wish I had your tenacity and state of mind!

Last summer I went for my annual physical...for the first time in 4 years. After I came off the scale the doctor shook his head, frowned and told me that according to the BMI scale I am obese and that I should do something about it. Criminy...I am 5'10 220...then again when I was 180 I was told that I needed to lose weight as my weight should be 165. Mind you with the exception of slightly elevated triglycerides, I am in great health. At 170 I look like I just got out of a concentration camp. Anyway, I was so shocked, I didn't say anything...guess I am a better advocate for others. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, but didn't. Next time, I will be armed and dangerous!


----------



## chunkeymonkey (Mar 30, 2007)

I think everyone should stick up for themselves with their Dr's. When I first moved to the USA I made an appointment for me and my husband to get physicals. The female Dr met with us both and then saw us individually. She took my husband first then me. The interesting thing is she grilled my husband on my weight first before asking me. I have had 2 female Dr's do this to us .I found it very interesting because I think they figured they would go through my husband thinking he would be in favor of a smaller wife. I finally explained to my Dr. that my husband was a FA. That was an ever better response most just think its a control thing or a fetish. But now they don't bother me about my weight unless they have a reason like declining heath issue due to weight.


----------



## Sweet Tooth (Mar 30, 2007)

I have a great doctor locally. But when I was living elsewhere for 2 1/2 years, I had to find new people. In one office, the nurse practitioner was "kind" but persistent about me trying Weight Watchers. The doctor was outright rude. I don't know which was worse. All I know was that I came home from the visit with the nurse practitioner feeling unsettled and from the visit with the doctor in tears.

Thank goodness for Dim friends - in this case, Rainy - who I could call and vent to, people who understand all the emotions one goes through just for a simple doctor visit! There are days when, no matter how far along you are in your journey of self- and size-acceptance, you need someone who KNOWS what it's like.


----------



## TallFatSue (Mar 30, 2007)

Once upon a time I had a doctor who, if I went for treatment for a headache, would ignore the meteorite lodged in my skull and blame it all on how fat I was. So I found another doctor, and she is terrific, because she doesn't dwell on my weight. Sometimes it comes up, but only when something genuinely has to do with obesity. For the most part, though, she keeps it all in perspective. Maybe one thing that helps is generally I'm in very good health, which is more important than ever as I push 50. I've told her that I'm fully aware that obesity carries certain health risks, so I make sure to watch myself and have regular checkups. She in turn has said that I'm healthier many of her thin patients, who assume they're healthy simply because they're thin, and therefore abuse their bodies or simply don't take care of themselves. She has told me that yes I'd probably be much better off without a few hundred pounds of extra body fat, but she doesn't want to drive me away, nor her other fat patients, because that would be counterproductive. For me it's all about quality of life. I can lead a rich fulfilling productive life, or I can lose weight by starving myself for the rest of my days. I cannot possibly do both. So, I choose to follow a program of informed fat management, and my doctor is wise enough to make sure that it works for me. We both also know that a positive attitude is sometimes the best medicine.


----------



## imfree (Mar 30, 2007)

TallFatSue said:


> Once upon a time I had a doctor who, if I went for treatment for a headache, would ignore the meteorite lodged in my skull and blame it all on how fat I was. So I found another doctor, and she is terrific, because she doesn't dwell on my weight. Sometimes it comes up, but only when something genuinely has to do with obesity. For the most part, though, she keeps it all in perspective. Maybe one thing that helps is generally I'm in very good health, which is more important than ever as I push 50. I've told her that I'm fully aware that obesity carries certain health risks, so I make sure to watch myself and have regular checkups. She in turn has said that I'm healthier many of her thin patients, who assume they're healthy simply because they're thin, and therefore abuse their bodies or simply don't take care of themselves. She has told me that yes I'd probably be much better off without a few hundred pounds of extra body fat, but she doesn't want to drive me away, nor her other fat patients, because that would be counterproductive. For me it's all about quality of life. I can lead a rich fulfilling productive life, or I can lose weight by starving myself for the rest of my days. I cannot possibly do both. So, I choose to follow a program of informed fat management, and my doctor is wise enough to make sure that it works for me. We both also know that a positive attitude is sometimes the best medicine.



AMEN!, Sue, sounds to me that your doctor could be TJ's sister,
if not biologically, at least in spirit! Thanks for blessing me.


----------



## Jane (Mar 30, 2007)

If you ladies would just take up smoking, you'd find a whole new discussion to have with your doctor. The weight thing is hardly mentioned compared to the YOU MUST STOP SMOKING. (No, I did quit smoking for seven years and decided it was not for me.)

My suggestion: Get worse habits.....


----------



## Zandoz (Mar 30, 2007)

BubbleButtBabe said:


> He said a lot of doctors will not listen to a patient if the patient has a voice that grates on their nerves,has a personality the doctor does not like or is not the type of patient the doctor wants to see(what ever the hell that means).



I've just been through this scenario. It took several days to find a doctor willing to take me on when told about my size and multiple health issues. Responses ranged from not returning multiple calls, to one that actually wanted me to write a paper on my current health status, and submit it with my full medical records, and then he would be so gracious as to CONSIDER accepting me as a patient. Luckily my wife was the one that spoke to that one, or I'd have told him to perform a very delicate procedure involving inserting his stethoscope where the sun don't shine.


----------



## truebebeblue (Mar 30, 2007)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> With this country as fat phobic as it is, at least in the south, I have been terrifed of public transport, lol. i've wanted to get on the buses and trains but even Em, who is only about 300 pounds warned me against them. I feel I can't lose weight fast enough to fit in to this society!
> 
> However, in the next few months, if I get my way (yeah right, lol) we will have an automatic car and I can tell Mike to buggar off, lol.



I would really love to talk to you about your experiences in the UK beng fat. 
I am involved with an englishmen and he has told me southern england is bad for fatties but he is thin... I would really like to hear some first person experiences! Maybe this has already been talked about? direct me to a thread? 
thanks!!!
True


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Mar 30, 2007)

truebebeblue said:


> I would really love to talk to you about your experiences in the UK beng fat.
> I am involved with an englishmen and he has told me southern england is bad for fatties but he is thin... I would really like to hear some first person experiences! Maybe this has already been talked about? direct me to a thread?
> thanks!!!
> True



I would glady tell you what you want to know, lol....just ask me questions. Start a thread or PM me...there are quite a few of us UK girls around....but I'm the only American and the onlyone over 500lbs. Make a thread of your questions and I'm sure we would all share our stories. There are other threads I have started about my misery here, lol, but I can't be bothered to find them.


----------



## Still a Skye fan (Mar 30, 2007)

Bravo, Nancy!

Your Doctor sounds like a decent person, too.


Dennis


----------



## TearInYourHand (Mar 30, 2007)

Honestly, I don't know why people are so up in arms about a doctor telling you to lose weight. Obviously, some people are naturally fat and some are naturally thin, but I'd probably bet that VERY FEW people's natural setpoint weight is something like 400 pounds. (this is not to say no one). So, when someone comes into a doctor's office at that weight, it is only natural for them to assume that that person is carrying excess fat, and that their natural healthy weight is that high, because that is so rare.

Let me be very clear about it when I say that there is nothing WRONG with being 400 pounds. I'm not too far away from that myself. There's also nothing inherently WRONG with smoking (as long as not around others), or eating a juicy steak, or being poor at dealing with stress, but these things, along with excessive fat, have been shown to be associated with health problems.

Anyone who doesn't believe this is honestly kidding themselves. I don't think that people who have extra fat should be judged any more than people who drink a lot on weekends, eat a lot of meat, smoke, don't handle their stress healthfully, etc. I also think that it is perfectly valid to want to be fat for sexual enjoyment. It's also valid to want to be underweight for sexual enjoyment. 

I'm sorry if this puts me in the minority here. I repeat again that I don't believe that all fat people are unhealthy, by a long shot. I do believe, and I can cite evidence if anyone wants, is that being TOO fat is unhealthy. If someone gets pissed when a DOCTOR lectures them on something that has been scientifically been shown to be associated with poor health, I don't know what to say!

Obviously though, if you are fat, and your doctor attributes everything to your fat without giving you good medical care, it's time to find a new doc.


----------



## EtobicokeFA (Apr 1, 2007)

TearInYourHand said:


> Honestly, I don't know why people are so up in arms about a doctor telling you to lose weight. Obviously, some people are naturally fat and some are naturally thin, but I'd probably bet that VERY FEW people's natural setpoint weight is something like 400 pounds. (this is not to say no one). So, when someone comes into a doctor's office at that weight, it is only natural for them to assume that that person is carrying excess fat, and that their natural healthy weight is that high, because that is so rare.
> 
> Let me be very clear about it when I say that there is nothing WRONG with being 400 pounds. I'm not too far away from that myself. There's also nothing inherently WRONG with smoking (as long as not around others), or eating a juicy steak, or being poor at dealing with stress, but these things, along with excessive fat, have been shown to be associated with health problems.
> 
> ...



You are not the minority! A number people know that the human body can only take so much excess weight and stay healthy. Of course, like drinking each body has a different set limit of how much weight it can take. The problem that some doctors have is that they don't realize is that the BMI formula doesn't considers all variables, involved with that!

Of course, we should recognize that some people here made the decision to go past their body's limit. And as long as they are happy with that decision, then I am okay with that. 

As, for the ones that didn't make that decision we should try to exercise and try to be as healthy as we can be. And, if we drop a little weight in the process that should be okay as well.

As for doctors, they should not just encourage weight loss.


----------



## Zandoz (Apr 1, 2007)

TearInYourHand said:


> Honestly, I don't know why people are so up in arms about a doctor telling you to lose weight.



A large part of it isn't the mere telling to lose weight...it's the constant harping on it...even in the face of all the general and personal evidence that it is just not going to happen. And especially when it's served up with the attitude that makes losing weight akin to nothing more difficult than answering a ringing phone. Then top it off with spending more time during each visit being subjugated to the fat-rant monologue, than is spent on the actual problem that prompted the need for the visit...that is assuming that the problem wasn't just written off as being fat induced, in which case the entire visit becomes a fat-rant monologue.

It becomes even more aggravating/insulting/frustrating coming from a person who has (and may have even written large parts of his/her self) a thick folder of documentation on ones history of failed and/or condition worsening diets, and physical disabilities that preclude those oh-so-simplistic weight loss exercise routines.


----------



## Jane (Apr 1, 2007)

Zandoz said:


> A large part of it isn't the mere telling to lose weight...it's the constant harping on it...even in the face of all the general and personal evidence that it is just not going to happen. And especially when it's served up with the attitude that makes losing weight akin to nothing more difficult than answering a ringing phone. Then top it off with spending more time during each visit being subjugated to the fat-rant monologue, than is spent on the actual problem that prompted the need for the visit...that is assuming that the problem wasn't just written off as being fat induced, in which case the entire visit becomes a fat-rant monologue.
> 
> It becomes even more aggravating/insulting/frustrating coming from a person who has (and may have even written large parts of his/her self) a thick folder of documentation on ones history of failed and/or condition worsening diets, and physical disabilities that preclude those oh-so-simplistic weight loss exercise routines.



Why would you put up with this from a professional who you are paying? Is this the only doctor in town?


----------



## Zandoz (Apr 1, 2007)

Jane said:


> Why would you put up with this from a professional who you are paying? Is this the only doctor in town?



Well, it took almost a month to find ANY doctor that would take me...and that attitude, based on my experience and other's, is the norm rather than the exception. Experiences like this are why so many of us have a dread of going to a doctor.


----------



## Jane (Apr 1, 2007)

Zandoz said:


> Well, it took almost a month to find ANY doctor that would take me...and that attitude, based on my experience and other's, is the norm rather than the exception. Experiences like this are why so many of us have a dread of going to a doctor.



I hate going to the doctor, because it takes them so long to get things right, and because they can't think outside "protocols."


----------



## TearInYourHand (Apr 1, 2007)

Jane said:


> I hate going to the doctor, because it takes them so long to get things right, and because they can't think outside "protocols."



Then you, my friend, need to find a new doctor.

I couldn't agree more with the above few comments, by the way.


----------



## Jane (Apr 2, 2007)

TearInYourHand said:


> Then you, my friend, need to find a new doctor.
> 
> I couldn't agree more with the above few comments, by the way.



Actually, mine's pretty good, but it took a while to find her.

My Dermatologist is kick ass though (and she's retiring).


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Apr 2, 2007)

I just want to say thanks to everyone who commented. I know we each have our own "doctor stories" to tell whether they are good or bad. 

I just want to point out that this doctor was not my usual doctor. I only went to see her for my work physical. My own doctor mentions my weight but he has learned what he can and cannot say to me. He knows that my weight is an issue I'm working on but does not harp on me (any more) about WLS because to be honest I know more about it then he does. 



saucywench said:


> I think you handled the situation well, but it seems to me that your doctor adopted a condescending tone with you with her "you'll get there" remark. What is confounding to me is the arrogant assumption of people who believe everyone should think and feel and behave as they do. Just because an opinion is widely held doesn't make it universally right. It's just an opinion.



Saucy, I didn't feel as if she was being condescending at all. In fact, I thought she was being respectful. If I had been her regular patient I'm sure she might have pushed more. As it was, I was only there for about a half hour so really what could she do. She made a point of saying something about my weight as a health concern and then when I said my part she let it go...which I appreciated. I've had other doctors who were not so respectful.



TearInYourHand said:


> Honestly, I don't know why people are so up in arms about a doctor telling you to lose weight.



Tear, I understand what you mean. A doctors focus should be your health and for all intents and purposes being over weight is unhealthy. I also understand that a doctor would be remiss in doing his/her job if they did not give you all the information about the dangers that come with being fat. I truly do understand it and expect to hear it for doctors for the rest of my life. 

What I don't understand it that WLS seems to be the very first thing they mention when addressing my weight. They will ask you your medical history about your Great-Aunt Fanny's colon but they won't ask you if weight problems run in your family? They don't think to ask if it is genetic. They see fat and they assume weakness and/or lack of trying. I guess this leads them straight to the "cure" being surgery. Lets physically alter to make her better. And this is what I resent. I resent it coming from my regular doctor, my gyno, the doctor I went to see for a workman's comp issue, and even from this doctor (as kind as she was). Tell me all you want about the health risks of being overweight. That is a doctors job. DO NOT try to sell me something as a cure when I didn't ask for it...especially when it is not a cure. And don't present it to me as if it's my only choice and I'm doomed without it. I can't help it but having surgery thrown at me every single damn time I go to the doctor is a bit on the annoying side.


----------



## Esme (Apr 2, 2007)

I understand your point about going to a doctor other than your normal one. My regular doctor is awesome and has never once mentioned my weight to me unless I've brought it up first. I was full-out honest with her when I went to her the very first time and told her why I usually hate docs and hadn't been to one in many, _many_ years. She's been totally respectful of me since then. The problems I've had have been when I've been forced to go to a specialist about something... in instances like that you don't really have much choice. I usually try to cut them off at the pass with the weight comments, but this last one I could tell was just trying to NOT roll her eyes at me when I said that I actually have a fairly healthy diet for most days. (My issue seems to be more exercise-related.) It was kind of funny to see her almost forcing herself not to contradict me about it.  Fortunatley I don't have to go see her for another six months. YAY!


----------



## FaxMachine1234 (Apr 2, 2007)

The only time I've ever had a medical...person comment on my weight was when I was in 9th grade and was getting my check-up. I stepped on the scale (nervous because I'd put on about 35 lbs. since my last visit) which said 190, and the nurse said I was a lot heavier than other boys she'd seen that were my size. Which was confusing...so I'm fat but it's compacted? The doctor didn't say anything, though, and never has for the next four years, even though I haven't lost any weight. They must not say anything if you're only "overweight," though maybe I just have a nice doc.


----------



## Shy Aurora (Apr 4, 2007)

I was reading and thought this might be a good place to ask for advice. How do you find a doctor that will accept your size or at least not humiliate you? Does anyone have any suggestions?


----------



## chocolate desire (Apr 9, 2007)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Mike and I went to the Dr's together in early Feb or late Jan. My appointment was first as it was my first UK apointment. I talked a lot about my pcos and needing a specialist cos I want to be a BC but most of them make me bleed like mad...and I would like to see a dietician who knows about PCOS and Insulin resistance...I swear to god if one more person calls me diabetic I'm going to punch them, lol. NOT THE SAME THING PEOPLE!!!
> 
> Anyways....I spent about half an hour with the dr...and she didn't mention my size at all...and Im a very big girl and I was ready for the "lose weight or you will die talk"...it never came.
> 
> ...



I recently went thru the same thing. I had a first time appointment since my move and I was all ready for the weight lecture yet not one word was said (I did have to prove I was right about the scale not being able to weigh me).
I dont know if I am angry that the doctor did not seem to care about my size or if I am happy that I did not have to go thru the same ole song and dance.
It is the same thing with my family. They never ever said one thing about my size not even now and I am well over 500. Even though I dont want to hear the sermon about diets do i still have a right to feel angry about the fact that no one cares if I grow to 1000 pounds or more?( Not saying I will gain more).


----------



## Jane (Apr 9, 2007)

Shy Aurora said:


> I was reading and thought this might be a good place to ask for advice. How do you find a doctor that will accept your size or at least not humiliate you? Does anyone have any suggestions?



Ask when you call to make the appointment. Tell them what you expect (very nicely, of course), and when you fill out the paperwork, write on it that you don't want to be harangued about your weight.

I always have a medical history filled out before I go in. You certainly could put on the paper that you're aware of your weight, and while you don't mind discussing, you hope they are mindful of your feelings on the subject.


----------



## shaz260281 (Apr 9, 2007)

I've had it all my life from the age a 8 i can remember doctors saying she should be on a diet and my mother trying and them sending me to various different specialities all over the place! but never did i see a phsycologist or a dietician, no instead what happened i went to see these so called experts who weighed me took blood samples and told me to loose weight. one day a so called doctor when i was 14 said to me sharon god your getting fatter you will die soon. i went mad got up and walked out and told him to f off and that put me off all of them till now! i am now 26 and ive met the best doctor ever ok she is as skinny as they come but she is lovely, she understands me and listen's. she has sent letters to people all over the country asking for help so now i see a phsycologist and people who actually understand me and what i want. so you see there are some nice medical people out there you just have to find them! good and bad in every profession!


----------



## SamanthaNY (Apr 9, 2007)

Shy Aurora said:


> I was reading and thought this might be a good place to ask for advice. How do you find a doctor that will accept your size or at least not humiliate you? Does anyone have any suggestions?



There's a good page here, which gives you some information on how to find a fat friendly doctor. It also includes a list of recommended doctors from several parts of the country. 

I think the best recommendation is from other fat friends, if you have them. But even if you don't, it's not impossible to find a doctor you like. Just don't avoid regular medical care for fear that you'll be treated badly. Always seek help if you need it. 

I think the most important thing is... don't be afraid or intimidated. Interview doctors, and their staff, over the phone. Don't apologize for your size, but rather explain that you are a large patient, and want to be sure they can accomodate you in every way necessary. Go on a look-see to the office, without an appointment if you can, and see how you are treated when they're not expecting you. You don't want to interrupt them or demand immediate service, but rather to check their offices (is there comfortable seating in the waiting room for you?) and see if the staff is friendly and helpful. Remember - you're _hiring_ this office to perform a service for you. YOU are the consumer, and if you're not satisfied, move on to another office until you find one that gives you service you want - and deserve. 

Try googling 'fat friendly doctors', there will be some good information there.


----------



## Shy Aurora (Apr 9, 2007)

Thank you everyone for your help. I think with these resources on my side I can find a doctor and maybe even slightly overcome my descriptor *shy* in that circumstance.


----------



## pani (Apr 9, 2007)

"Honestly, I don't know why people are so up in arms about a doctor telling you to lose weight."

Having been interested in the stigma of fat people for over 20 years, I find that remark very insensitive for a size acceptance board. 
* Many fat people (if not most) have not been simply advised to lose weight, but insulted and sometimes reduced to tears through verbal abuse as well
* Many doctors use weight as an excuse for everything, and refuse to treat patients unless they lose weight. One of the major reasons fat people do have more health related problems is they get less frequent treatment at more advanced stages
* Many doctors persist with nagging, even when the patient expresses no desire to lose weight
* Diets do not work in the long run for the majority of people. Furthermore, many weight loss techniques such as pills and weight loss surgery are extremely risky and carry higher risks than obesity. Studies do not separate the effects of risky weight loss procedures from obesity itself (go read the medical journals if you don't believe it!)
* The medical profession as a whole uses guilt associated with "faulty lifestyles" to keep patients in check. If we feel our health problems are our own fault, we are less likely to complain and be critical of the system. To paraphrase Naomi Wolf, "a guilty population is a highly manipulatable one."

And btw, the extent to which lifestyle, whether it is fatness, red meat or whatever contributes to ill health is entirely a matter of opinion. In fact, it is highly debatable among "experts."


----------



## Scrubbed_In (Apr 12, 2007)

I'm soon going to be a new graduate health professional and as a BHM you can imagine the comments I've received from some colleagues. However I have been very lucky in finding many who never made me feel self-conscious about my size. This includes a number of surgical rotations. 

It will be my practice to accent people like myself who are obese. While I will certainly be willing to help people lose weight for various reasons it will not be my goal to force anyone into doing that. Naturally, my life experiences have influenced me. I hope this allows me to treat my patients regardless of weight, as many of you have been treated by kind health care practitioners.


----------



## imfree (Apr 12, 2007)

Scrubbed_In said:


> I'm soon going to be a new graduate health professional and as a BHM you can imagine the comments I've received from some colleagues. However I have been very lucky in finding many who never made me feel self-conscious about my size. This includes a number of surgical rotations.
> 
> It will be my practice to accent people like myself who are obese. While I will certainly be willing to help people lose weight for various reasons it will not be my goal to force anyone into doing that. Naturally, my life experiences have influenced me. I hope this allows me to treat my patients regardless of weight, as many of you have been treated by kind health care practitioners.


 The world is in desperate need of more health-care professionals
like you---be fruitful and multiply!


----------



## Scrubbed_In (Apr 12, 2007)

imfree said:


> The world is in desperate need of more health-care professionals
> like you---be fruitful and multiply!


 

Thanks for the vode of confidence! 
I intend to do my part. I know first hand the need for people who treat others with respect and dignity (go figure ). Every doctor I've ever had negatively mentioned my weight and the impending problems without an ounce of understanding further than "Stop eating and exercise more and you'll lose the weight, don't be so lazy." Well now I'm going to be treating patients and I plan on treating everyone as I, and all of you, should've been/were treated. 

I'm glad to read everyone's experiences. I'm ecstatic my friend told me about this place!


----------

