# how do you learn to love the body you were born into?



## mermaid8 (Aug 23, 2010)

sometimes i wish i could be happy with the body that god gave me, but being fat makes me feel so ugly. i joined this site to try and find out how to love myself with this body. if anyone has any insight and would like to give me some advice, please respond to my message.


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## blubberismanly (Aug 23, 2010)

Maybe you're projecting other people's opinions onto yourself? Like, they don't think you're hot so you don't either? It's common, especially in the face of rejection for weight/image disagreements.

I've always been very masculine, to a point where my body naturally looks like a dude at times. I carry an unfeminine amount of muscle and have a boy voice. Not to mention having a personality that guys get along with as friends and forget I'm female. Androgyny is not an easy life to live, either., and I didn't choose it. I just learned to live with it. I've been single for over a year because of it, but sacrifices have to be made for sanity. I guess I just couldn't go on being angry about something I have no control over. 

What I'm saying is accepting yourself as-is is probably the most difficult thing. And you never will if you keep fixating on things you can't change. If your body just stays overweight, by choice or not, and you really can't do anything about it, well, maybe it's time to look more on the inside than the outside.

It takes time, and there are likely few men who would admit their attraction to larger women. Hell, I'm smaller and I can't find a fat dude who will admit he IS attractive to someone. But, that's life. You may not chang the may everyone else sees you, but you can change the way you see yourself. The part you don't see may be the most valuable; it's the part that doesn't have to match the outside (or your self image of the outside) that you haven't tapped into.


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## thirtiesgirl (Aug 23, 2010)

I'll quote almost verbatim here what I wrote to Beep in her thread about getting insulted for her weight by a bunch of pre-teen kids. The insults shook her pretty badly (as they would me, too) and didn't do anything to help build her self-confidence. I've learned to help keep my confidence going and learned to love my body (and am still learning) with some of the resources mentioned below. Also, learning to love and appreciate your body is a process. I don't think there's ever a point when you can stop and tell yourself, "yes, I completely love my body, I never need to work on that issue again." Loving your body is something we work on every day, with up days and down days. And it can be helpful to remember to take it easy on yourself and not beat yourself up because you don't have a "socially acceptable" body type, according to the popular media and western society at large. Their ridiculous, shaming and impossible standard of beauty is not the reality, and it's not the only standard of beauty out there. You can make your own and define for yourself what's beautiful and attractive to you.

Here's what I wrote to Beep:

I'd recommend building your confidence and learning to love your body by reading up on some size acceptance literature, checking out some blogs and participating in other size acceptance communities. My personal size acceptance 'bible' is Wendy Shanker's The Fat Girl's Guide to Life. I also loved Wendy McClure's memoir of creating her weight loss/self-acceptance blog, Poundy.com, I'm Not the New Me, and fat acceptance bloggers Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby's book, Lessons From the Fat-o-Sphere. I'm also an avid reader of Marianne Kirby's blog, The Rotund; Kate Harding's Shapely Prose blog (although Kate and her guest bloggers have been on hiatus for a bit while Kate works on other writing); and Lesley Kinzel's wonderful blog, Fatshionista! Kinzel is also a moderator of the Fatshionista community on Livejournal, where fat folks post fabulous pics of what they're wearing at the moment, examples of personal style, and talk about fat issues in fashion, popular culture, and everyday life. I'd also recommend checking out some of Joy Nash's Fat Rant videos if you haven't done so already (she has several, which can be found on her Youtube page, here; she's also an actor, so she has some acting videos up). Joy is also a member of the Livejournal Fatshionista community and sometimes posts outfit pics.

Spending time in these communities, hearing from other fat people - specifically, other fat women - has really helped build my confidence and let me know that I'm not alone in my experiences. When I need to, I return to Lessons From the Fat-o-Sphere or The Fat Girl's Guide to Life. Marianne Kirby also has a great post about fat acceptance on her blog, here, that I return to often when life gets me down and I need a reminder of why I keep fighting the good fight for size acceptance, and a reminder that my fat does not make me a bad person.


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## MLadyJ (Aug 23, 2010)

A long time ago I read that you can't expect someone else to love you unless you love yourself. Well I didn't and I really wanted that special someone to share my life. I talked to a few friends and one had heard about NAAFA so I called and joined. The very first time I attended a chapter meeting I knew I was among people who for the most part loved themselves. They were warm, friendly and very accepting. I think meeting other fat women really set me free. It didn't happen over night but I started with small things..I found attactive clothes to wear, I discovered a little make up, and I acted as if I was a person of value. When I went into a restaurant I asked for an armless chair, or a table which provided me with an exit (so I didn't have to ask anyone to please move while I moved between chairs). I could go on and on but enough for now.

Where do you live? We are having a super sized Bash in Nashville, Tn in late Sept. Check the boards here and find a group near (or at least not too far away) you and give it a try. I wanted to add that you are a very pretty young lady. Oh and yes I did meet my special someone..we've been married for 13 years.


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## imfree (Aug 23, 2010)

mermaid8 said:


> sometimes i wish i could be happy with the body that god gave me, but being fat makes me feel so ugly. i joined this site to try and find out how to love myself with this body. if anyone has any insight and would like to give me some advice, please respond to my message.



I'm older than your daddeh, so I won't
offer you a text-hug, but I know 
beyond a doubt that my adult kiddo
son would agree that you're adorable.:bow:


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## Tad (Aug 23, 2010)

Welcome to Dimensions, Jennifer!

I dont know if youve figured out all of the acronyms used hereI know they can be confusing. So here is a quick primer:

BBW = big beautiful woman (that would include you!)
BHM = big handsome man
FA = fat admirer (can be generic, but sometimes assumed to mean a male). That is, someone who is attracted to bigger folk.
FFA = female fat admirer, meaning specifically a woman attracted to bigger partners (usually assumed to mean men).

So in particular this board is aimed at the admirers of big folks. Lots of people here who are happy to tell you that you are gorgeous just the way you are! However if youve like input from other women who have been where you are, you might want to also post in the BBW board. It is a protected space for BBW, where non-BBW are not particularly invited to post. Or if youd like to get some more general feed back, you could try the main board, which is a bit of a catch-all. (there is nothing wrong with having posted here, I just think you will probably get a broader and possibly more useful response if you also post on those other boards).

As to how to feel better about your body, I dont know that I have any particularly deep advice. Id simply say this: look at all the awesome things you can do in your body, from enjoying the warmth of the sun on your face to dancing to stroking a pet to operating a computer to giving hugs to giving blood to picking up litter to throwing a frisbee. Your body is an incredible, wonderful, machine, that can do thousands of things well. I bet youve had some good times together, your mind and your body. What it IS is amazing and capable. What it isnt is many things, from a cat to tall enough to be a basketball star to a size two, but really, when there is so much that it is, why focus on what it isnt?


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## mermaid8 (Aug 23, 2010)

Tad said:


> Welcome to Dimensions, Jennifer!
> 
> I dont know if youve figured out all of the acronyms used hereI know they can be confusing. So here is a quick primer:
> 
> ...



wow, thank you for such great advice tad and i already took your advice.

i hope to feel better about myself soon.


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## AnnMarie (Aug 23, 2010)

Thread closed, OP started duplicate on BBW forum, which is more appropriately placed.


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