# Walk While Fat and Female



## Surlysomething (May 15, 2014)

Another thought provoking, interesting article on what it's like to be a fat girl in this world.

I luckily haven't had TOO many bad experiences, but i've had enough that they've left their mark. The way I carry myself now is very different than it was before this collective public judgement of me. Unfortunately I now look pretty intimidating to a lot of people as a result but that's the price society pays for it's damage.

The gall people have to comment on another person's body is absolutely mind boggling.

Experiences? Thoughts?


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## agouderia (May 15, 2014)

On reading this, I immediately associated less with the way society treats fat women, but much more with how pedestrians are marginalized in the US.

From my personal transatlantic experience the described occurences have a lot to do with the fact that walking isn't fully considered a normal means of getting from A to B in the US.
You either exercise seriously - or you drive. You don't walk as a combination of fresh air, exercise and going about your daily life. People walking as a means of getting around in most US cities still are a minority.

Apart from really big cities with functioning inner city public transportation or some campuses, US cities are extremely pedestrian unfriendly. In most suburban residentials areas you often don't even have side-walks. 

When my grandmother from Europe came to visit us in the US, she was shocked that she couldn't just walk everywhere (she didn't have a driver's license or car) as she was used to:
a) there were long stretches without side-walks
b) people would stop and ask her if she was okay, needed a ride, etc. (it was a friendly university community).
c) she felt like an alien because she'd be the only one walking 

It's not said that such awful behavior couldn't happen anywhere else - but since almost everybody walks in other parts of the world, it a much more normal part of life and you can't be singled out as easily.


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## AuntHen (May 15, 2014)

I am so glad you posted this T, because after reading it on FB, I had things I wanted to say about it and also lead into another topic I have been wanting to discuss.

I have lived in the Pacific West, Mid-west/Mountains, The South and The East coast. I am an avid walker (both for exercise and just getting around), always have been my whole life (mostly in the countryside growing up, so never received comments in the fields etc). 

Based on my experience and observations, this is what I feel on the matter...

-Most negative comments (I have not had many at all) have been from white male teens or those in their early 20s (which is a topic I would like to post on soon... fat and race/culture, to be continued). The comments made were "Ohhh you fat" and "fat lady". I don't consider the word fat an insult, so if they were trying to rattle me, sorry, it didn't work and they were just stating the obvious haha.

-Comments trying to encourage me to "keep going"... "good for you" in regards to working out and losing weight have ALWAYS been from women. These I find just plain annoying.

-Cat calls, whistles, horn honks and compliments are the most common "feedback" I have encountered on my walks. All from men.


ETA- I think if you have a big bosom (I have one), you are an easier target for comments than if you are fat. It's like a *beacon* for creeps and pervs. Just my opinion.


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## loopytheone (May 15, 2014)

I admit this is an issue that is important to me. One of the main triggers for my anxiety disorder was that when I was a teenager it was literally impossible for me to talk a walk anywhere with having abuse, jeers etc thrown at me. Every. Single. Time. And I assumed it was because I was hideous and grotesque and ugly and wrong. Because after all, why would hundreds of people go out of there way to tell me that I was if it wasn't true? After 6 years I have realised that there is nothing wrong with me and these people are just pricks. But I still can't walk around outside by myself. I can't pass teenagers or hear car horns without struggling to control my panic. I can't even walk my dog by myself, somebody has had to do that with me for years. All because of idiots that shout out things just because you are a woman.


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## Tad (May 15, 2014)

Interesting article, and topic, Surly. I look forward to following the discussion

As a guy I obviously don't have the same sort of first hand experience*, although I'm married to a woman who doesn't drive, and hence who has often been out walking or biking at all times of day and night, so I hear what she goes through. (which really hasn't been a huge amount of stuff, but for the most part we have lived in older urban areas where walking and biking are normal, and there are people out and about regularly. I think most people who will intrude on your private space are too cowardly or too ashamed to do it around bystanders?).

I'd also be interested in hearing what any of the thinner women on here might have experienced--I wonder how much is particularly associated with being fat, and how much is that the sort of person who will say something will just choose an obvious thing to target?

* I've had some mockery from teenage girls a couple of times, for the crime of being totally uncool (I think). But obviously in that situation there is not the implied danger that a woman may feel from teenage guys, etc, so they aren't comparable in the sense of 'do you feel free to go where/when you will,' although it may still illustrate somewhat who feels entitled to make comments.


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## Amaranthine (May 15, 2014)

I've seen this around, but I wasn't going to post until Tad's comment. 

From the perspective of someone thinner: 

I walk quite a bit and I've pretty much accepted that I'll generally have some kind of interaction most times I go out. I've never been mocked or insulted (to my knowledge...) and my experience generally mirrors what fat9276 said. Cat calls, passing compliments, car horns. Occasionally it'll be more significant - someone starting a random conversation, trying to get my number, or gesturing me over to their car. I've never had my refusal taken poorly. The car thing makes me most uncomfortable, as (to me) there's something inherently awkward about gesturing some pedestrian to your car.

One thing I've noticed - not that it's bad or anything - is that maybe 90% of the people who hit on me/try to get my number are black men. And the age range is huge - my own age to maybe 50s. I'm just not sure why. Maybe it's a matter of generally being more bold? Because I'm definitely not in the realm of _Oh my god Becky..._

I have noticed judgmental looks when I've been walking with a BHM companion (with it being noticeable that we're involved somehow.) I typically dislike PDA, but purposely staying close/showing subtle affection in such scenarios is my way of saying _get fucked_ to anyone who cares to judge. I've also encountered such looks when out with a transexual friend. I don't understand how people can be so blatantly judgmental and outright mean to someone they don't even know.


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## Tad (May 15, 2014)

Amaranthine said:


> I don't understand how people can be so blatantly judgmental and outright mean to someone they don't even know.



My inner cynic says: maybe we are our truest self amongst strangers?


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## AuntHen (May 15, 2014)

^ oh you just reminded me A... one time, a few years back, a guy actually stopped his truck in the middle of the road and called out to me and asked me if I wanted to get in and go back to his place :doh:


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## lucca23v2 (May 15, 2014)

Amaranthine said:


> _Oh my god Becky..._



For this quote alone...I want to rep you so bad!!!!!!!!!!! this stupid thing won't let me. 

For me I find that some people laugh (mostly teens), adults look and shake their heads.. but for the most part, the comments i get are cat calls. Thankfully it has died down since HS because I have gained more weight. (I was just T&A in HS so i got a lot of catcalls.) It doesn't bother me.

I do however get bothered when I am walking with my brother and people do it to him. He is a BHM. I don't know if it is because he is my brother, or because he is my "baby" brother, but either way, it bugs the crap out of me when people look at him and shake their heads, or teens make fun of him. It seems to never bother him, he keeps going about his own stuff as if nothing happened, but it aggrivates me to no end.


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## lille (May 15, 2014)

Another thinner woman chiming in. I've gotten a few catcalls, once while I was with my dad as a teen which was really awkward, but the for the most part I'm left alone. However, I grew up in a pretty small town where if you didn't know someone you knew someone they were friends with. Since moving to the city the only experiences I've had were a female jogger complimenting my perfume as she went by and a random girl coming up to me, inviting me to her church, and giving my her cellphone number as I was waiting for the bus.

When I'm out with my BHM boyfriend we occasionally get looks but I think that part of that is because I look fairly young for my age and there's a 12 year difference between us so people have a hard time figuring out just what our relationship is. One woman referred to him as my dad once before realizing her mistake.


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## Jah (May 15, 2014)

It can be dangerous walking just being a woman in general, not just a fat woman. At least that has been my experience anyway since I've been both fat and thin. When being thinner the comments are more sexual and when being fat it's more about fat hate. In my experience it's not just men that cause trouble, young women can as well. Last night I was walking by a young women and she laughed at me.


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## bayone (May 15, 2014)

Reporting as a thin woman -- in my experience, at least, it depends what I'm wearing -- but it goes the opposite way from how many people assume it'll go: when I'm wearing a sexy dress I usually just get polite admiring glances or nothing at all; it's when I've just thrown on something casual without thinking about how I look that guys try to hit on me, cat-call, etc. 

My guess is that sexy clothes read as confident, whereas frumpy clothes make the creeps go "aha, easy target." Unfortunately I suspect the creeps also read fat as frumpy no matter how the person is dressed.


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## Dr. Feelgood (May 15, 2014)

Jah said:


> It can be dangerous walking just being a woman in general, not just a fat woman.



Young men in groups are particularly vicious, especially when in a car. I think a lot of their bravado stems from a fear of women: they're sexually attracted to them, but confused and unsure how to behave, and they put the blame for their upset on the women. And of course, each one has to outdo the others in his display of machismo and contempt or himself become an object of ridicule. Being in a car makes such an attack more likely, I suspect, because the heroes can make a fast retreat if they feel further threatened by the woman's response.


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## EMH1701 (May 17, 2014)

I have not received that many comments since I was a teenager. Perhaps I am now past the age where I would get them, and perhaps Minnesotans are mostly nice, depending upon where you live. I did have a jerk comment on me at a mall last year (and I was eating a salad, too), and it was along the lines of, should you be eating that? Duh, it's vegetables! So what, I'm supposed to starve myself because of his bigotry? I think not!

I think people should just learn how to be more polite in general. Whatever happened to being silent if you couldn't think of something nice to say?

And yes, most American cities are terrible for pedestrians. It would be a lot better in general for us if they were not.


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## KittyKitten (May 24, 2014)

fat9276 said:


> I am so glad you posted this T, because after reading it on FB, I had things I wanted to say about it and also lead into another topic I have been wanting to discuss.
> 
> I have lived in the Pacific West, Mid-west/Mountains, The South and The East coast. I am an avid walker (both for exercise and just getting around), always have been my whole life (mostly in the countryside growing up, so never received comments in the fields etc).
> 
> ...




Yes, big boobs get the sexual attention. I'm rarely in pedestrian mode. The city that I live in is terrible for pedestrians, it's built for drivers. But if I am, I get the horn honks, stares, and 'hey girl'. It amuses me. 

Spring and summer is when I get hit on the most. Perhaps because in winter I hide behind coats that do nothing for my body shape. I feel the sexiest in warmer months.

I heard a poster saying most people that hit on her are black men. That is the same for me too as well as Latinos. 

Black and hispanic men tend to be very assertive in approaching a woman on a public setting. While white men tend to be more reserved in that aspect for what ever reason. Online it's a different story, I guess they feel braver?


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## lucca23v2 (May 24, 2014)

KittyKitten said:


> Yes, big boobs get the sexual attention. I'm rarely in pedestrian mode. The city that I live in is terrible for pedestrians, it's built for drivers. But if I am, I get the horn honks, stares, and 'hey girl'. It amuses me.
> 
> Spring and summer is when I get hit on the most. Perhaps because in winter I hide behind coats that do nothing for my body shape. I feel the sexiest in warmer months.
> 
> ...




I can only speak for my culture. Hispanic women for the most part are not too bothered by "catcalls". We tend to give as good as we get, so i guess that makes hispanic men more "daring" to hit on women out in the open. Plus hispanic women have always been fuller in the hips, bust and ass.. so hispanic men are more accustomed to bigger women.


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## CleverBomb (May 25, 2014)

agouderia said:


> On reading this, I immediately associated less with the way society treats fat women, but much more with how pedestrians are marginalized in the US.
> 
> From my personal transatlantic experience the described occurences have a lot to do with the fact that walking isn't fully considered a normal means of getting from A to B in the US.
> You either exercise seriously - or you drive. You don't walk as a combination of fresh air, exercise and going about your daily life. People walking as a means of getting around in most US cities still are a minority.
> ...


I know this is a digression, but I definitely concur. 
Where I lived in Utah, there literally was _no_ pedestrian route to the nearest grocery store. (The second-nearest required walking twice the direct route distance (1.5 miles) if you didn't want to walk on the shoulder of a main thoroughfare -- but at least the long way did have sidewalks. Did I mention that it snowed there?) 

I'm a middle-aged guy in fair shape (slightly younger, then, too) and I probably only made that walk half a dozen times a year at most. The city planners either couldn't imagine anyone walking for transportation, didn't care, or actively wanted to discourage people who didn't own a car from living there. And, frankly, I assume the last to be the case. Some of the nicer parks in the area lacked sidewalk access, even from the adjacent neighborhoods. 

But enough about that.


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## KittyKitten (May 25, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> I can only speak for my culture. Hispanic women for the most part are not too bothered by "catcalls". We tend to give as good as we get, so i guess that makes hispanic men more "daring" to hit on women out in the open. Plus hispanic women have always been fuller in the hips, bust and ass.. so hispanic men are more accustomed to bigger women.




I agree with you! This is true of West Indian culture as well.


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## AuntHen (May 25, 2014)

agouderia said:


> On reading this, I immediately associated less with the way society treats fat women, but much more with how pedestrians are marginalized in the US.
> 
> From my personal transatlantic experience the described occurences have a lot to do with the fact that walking isn't fully considered a normal means of getting from A to B in the US.
> You either exercise seriously - or you drive. You don't walk as a combination of fresh air, exercise and going about your daily life. People walking as a means of getting around in most US cities still are a minority.
> ...




I am not sure what cities/places you have been to but I think it depends where you live/visit. Most of our suburbs DO have sidewalks, it's usually a requirement. A lot of them have walking paths and nature trails that they build around. There are places (such as Florida) where in certain counties it is not required and more difficult to get around by foot but you wouldn't really want to because it's so humid (especially during the summer). Climate makes a big difference.

I have lived all over and always found a sidewalk, trail, road (dirt and paved) or some sort of path to walk on. I also see people strolling around for relaxing enjoyment as well as exercise, etc.

The US is a *big *place with various landscapes and environments (it varies city to city, state to state, location to location) and you can't judge it by a one or even a few cities.


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## Yukikaze (May 25, 2014)

Do any of you females realize what males go through ? Women put their hands on me quite frequently, rub my chest in the elevator in the high rise I live, strange females will grab me in public and start rubbing my arms - what makes you think I want you touching me? A female co-worker I was introduced to in the break room within 5 minutes of meeting me walked behind me and started giving me a shoulder massage - I was seated in a chair when we were introduced.

I have been in the grocery store immediately after lifting weights (looking swollen, pumped up etc) and noticed I was being followed by several females, I kept walking and heard more foot steps run up behind me and finally one of the females spoke and I turned around and there were 9 young females following me. They were a group of High School graduates touring Atlanta universities/colleges and just wanted to take a picture with me because they thought I was exceptionally muscular. They could have wanted to gang rape me for all I knew.

I was physically assaulted by a bi-polar female that lived in my high rise after telling her that I treated her to dinner because I felt sorry for her (she was laid off from her job & and her boyfriend dumped her). She thought I treated her to dinner because I was interested in her despite she being the one that asked me for my phone # and asked me out to dinner - I just paid the bill. Try calling the Police as a Male and see how seriously they take you even with the assault being witnessed by a security guard - most Police Dept. train their officers to always make the male out to be the aggressor in part because District Attorneys know its easier to convict a man than a woman and DA build their careers on high conviction rates.

Said bi-polar neighbor 2 weeks prior to assaulting me demanded that I chose between her and her girlfriend who I preferred to have sex with (neither one!) , I responded that her asking was inappropriate and she started approaching me demanding an answer luckily there was a 3rd female in the room that physically grabbed her and pulled her away from me and got her to stop asking.

I had a 18 year old cashier at the Whole Foods I shop at start hugging on me and tell me one 1 day "I wore these really tight jeans because I knew I would see you today". She would repeatedly pull me out of other cashiers' lines by the arm over to her register if she wasn't checking anyone out. If I walked into the store and she wasn't checking anyone out she would immediately run from behind the register and give me a hug. Not that I complained about this but I assumed she was at least over 21 because she always bragged about getting drunk. When I finally found out her age my jaw about dropped off.

I've had a waitress at Tilted Kilt attempt to prevent me from leaving by literally shoving her large breasts into me as I attempted to leave the restaurant -full frontal assault?. She told me I had to hangout with her until closing, she was just trying to use me to scare off all the young punks that hit on her during her shift. This same waitress had sat down at my table as my co-worker and I ate and drank from my drink.

I grew up being taunted as fat kid - it is not just something females experience - imagine being male & having to deal with gynecomastia growing up.


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## KittyKitten (May 26, 2014)

Yukikaze said:


> Do any of you females realize what males go through ? Women put their hands on me quite frequently, rub my chest in the elevator in the high rise I live, strange females will grab me in public and start rubbing my arms - what makes you think I want you touching me? A female co-worker I was introduced to in the break room within 5 minutes of meeting me walked behind me and started giving me a shoulder massage - I was seated in a chair when we were introduced.
> 
> I have been in the grocery store immediately after lifting weights (looking swollen, pumped up etc) and noticed I was being followed by several females, I kept walking and heard more foot steps run up behind me and finally one of the females spoke and I turned around and there were 9 young females following me. They were a group of High School graduates touring Atlanta universities/colleges and just wanted to take a picture with me because they thought I was exceptionally muscular. They could have wanted to gang rape me for all I knew.
> 
> ...




Is this satire? You have got to be kidding. Afraid they will gang rape you? How can women gang rape a big and grown adult man? I think you are just saying this to be facetious. Nine young females coming behind you and you are afraid they will take advantage of you? What man talks like that? The number of physical and sexual assault against women by men PALES as comparison to the reverse. 


This reminds me of the folks who cry 'reverse racism' when their issues are so minor compared to what others experience.


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## FinagleBroth (May 26, 2014)

KittyKitten said:


> Is this satire? You have got to be kidding. Afraid they will gang rape you? How can women gang rape a big and grown adult man? I think you are just saying this to be facetious. Nine young females coming behind you and you are afraid they will take advantage of you? What man talks like that? The number of physical and sexual assault against women by men PALES as comparison to the reverse.
> 
> This reminds me of the folks who cry 'reverse racism' when their issues are so minor compared to what others experience.


My thought: I'd like to meet these women.


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## Surlysomething (May 26, 2014)

This is constant for women, not just incidents. And you're a large man who can probably defend himself very well. Major difference. We feel threatened, nervous, scared and concerned ALL THE TIME.

Were all those women horrifyingly wrong to do that to you, of course. But as a whole, not even close to what women go through.



Yukikaze said:


> Do any of you females realize what males go through


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## Marlayna (May 26, 2014)

Yukikaze said:


> Do any of you females realize what males go through ? Women put their hands on me quite frequently, rub my chest in the elevator in the high rise I live, strange females will grab me in public and start rubbing my arms - what makes you think I want you touching me? A female co-worker I was introduced to in the break room within 5 minutes of meeting me walked behind me and started giving me a shoulder massage - I was seated in a chair when we were introduced.
> 
> I have been in the grocery store immediately after lifting weights (looking swollen, pumped up etc) and noticed I was being followed by several females, I kept walking and heard more foot steps run up behind me and finally one of the females spoke and I turned around and there were 9 young females following me. They were a group of High School graduates touring Atlanta universities/colleges and just wanted to take a picture with me because they thought I was exceptionally muscular. They could have wanted to gang rape me for all I knew.
> 
> ...


You should write a book - "Confessions of a Chick Magnet"... btw, are you bragging or complaining?


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## J34 (May 26, 2014)

I know what he posted sounds very hard to believe, but it is possible. I had a male friend who received attention like that, of course it's extremely rare to happen to a man. Plus it's not on the same level as women, I am certain a man can defend himself against an average woman, but not so much the other way around. What women go through on a daily basis is hard to give beig a guy, it's not the same. 

Growing up my mother always had me tag along with my older sister (shes under 2yrs older than me) wherever she walked to. We walked everywhere, and trust me I can't imagine being a woman, I would've been frightened to leave the house! My sister was slim, and gorgeous (according to conventional standards) and it sickened me how men would stare at her while they drove or walked on the sidewalk. So many times men would follow us when we walked around town!!! Now being older I am glad knowing that I was there with her all those times. God forbid something could've happened to her being alone.


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## Saoirse (Jun 1, 2014)

WOW the double fucking standard on this thread is fucking appalling.

You guys are a bunch of assholes. NO ONE deserves to be touched when they dont want to be touched.

http://9gag.tv/p/aVYL7p/what-happens-when-the-public-sees-a-woman-abusing-a-man-domestic-violence


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jun 2, 2014)

Saoirse said:


> NO ONE deserves to be touched when they dont want to be touched.



I agree 100%. But I'd still like to know what aftershave Yukikaze uses.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 2, 2014)

Double standard how?





Saoirse said:


> WOW the double fucking standard on this thread is fucking appalling.
> 
> You guys are a bunch of assholes. NO ONE deserves to be touched when they dont want to be touched.
> 
> http://9gag.tv/p/aVYL7p/what-happens-when-the-public-sees-a-woman-abusing-a-man-domestic-violence


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## Surlysomething (Jun 2, 2014)

Check out some of these stats.


Violence Against Women

They also give their sources.


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## Saoirse (Jun 2, 2014)

Its just fucking rude and ignorant that some of you are throwing Yukikaze's experiences out the window simply because he's a man. He felt threatened and uncomfortable and WOMEN got in his personal space without his permission. WOMEN touched him inappropriately withut his permission. HOw the fuck is that ok, because he's a guy?? 

And why is it that feminist rant and rave about how strong women are, yet when it comes to harassment, their argument is "Well, we're the weaker sex and we cant defend ourselves!"

Stop fucking flip flopping. Do you feel weak and defenseless? Take a fucking self-defense course.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 2, 2014)

His experience really has nothing to do with this thread. This was about women.

And if you can't figure out that this is a WAY BIGGER problem for women, maybe you should find some female friends and ask them how awesome they've been treated in the past/present.

Hey, by all means start a thread about men getting harassed. Obviously it happens and I don't think anyone here would dispute it. But take it down a notch..i'm sure he can also stand up for himself. 

For every time that's happened to him it's happened at least 10 times more to women.





Saoirse said:


> Its just fucking rude and ignorant that some of you are throwing Yukikaze's experiences out the window simply because he's a man. He felt threatened and uncomfortable and WOMEN got in his personal space without his permission. WOMEN touched him inappropriately withut his permission. HOw the fuck is that ok, because he's a guy??
> 
> And why is it that feminist rant and rave about how strong women are, yet when it comes to harassment, their argument is "Well, we're the weaker sex and we cant defend ourselves!"
> 
> Stop fucking flip flopping. Do you feel weak and defenseless? Take a fucking self-defense course.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 2, 2014)

What planet do you live on? Self defense course can only help so much. 

Do you have any female friends? Have you ever been in a sketchy situation with a man? I mean come on, you must have been once or 10 times. Do you think you could kick all their asses? Get a grip. Haha



Saoirse said:


> Do you feel weak and defenseless? Take a fucking self-defense course.


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## Saoirse (Jun 2, 2014)

Surlysomething said:


> His experience really has nothing to do with this thread. This was about women.
> 
> And if you can't figure out that this is a WAY BIGGER problem for women, maybe you should find some female friends and ask them how awesome they've been treated in the past/present.
> 
> ...



And when he does "stand up for himself" no doubt, he will be accused of beating a women and thrown in jail.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 2, 2014)

I meant he can stand up for himself in this thread. Sorry for the confusion.




Saoirse said:


> And when he does "stand up for himself" no doubt, he will be accused of beating a women and thrown in jail.


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