# What Dimensions is, and is not



## Webmaster

As of late, I've been seeing a battle between those who think Dimensions is a strict size acceptance site and our inclusion of the social and sexual side of things is deplorable, and those who think preferring fat is just a fetish. Both sides are wrong.

Initially, Dimensions was created as a special interest group for men who preferred fat partners. But almost since the beginning Dimensions has been a forum for both fat people and those who find them attractive. For FAs, Dimensions is a place where they can talk and learn about their preference, and find forums, fictions, pictures, advice and plenty more. For fat people, it's a place where they can learn about their admirers and see the beauty and attractiveness in their bodies. 

I specifically took Dimensions out of NAAFA a long time ago because I did not want for this special purpose to interfere with NAAFA's more politically-oriented brand of size acceptance. Needless to say, Dimensions is VERY much in favor of size acceptance, even though our contribution, in addition to having within our ranks some of the most dedicated size acceptance activists, is more in the areas of social opportunity and personal affirmation. So those who diss Dimensions for being a forum where those attracted to fat people can explore and discuss their desires and needs probably misunderstand our community's basic purpose.

On the other hand, I very strongly reject the notion that seeking a fat partner in life, or even just being attracted to fat people is nothing but a fetish! That is patently absurd and makes a mockery out of all the wonderful relationships and marriages, all the hopes and dreams, and all the new-found confidence that we're witnessing amongst us. So I am quite perturbed by the recent trend to endlessly insinuate that fat admirer = fetish, Dimensions = fetish site. Nothing, but nothing could be farther from the truth.

So that's what Dimensions is and has always been, a size-positive place for FAs and the people they admire. Nothing more and nothing less.


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## Wagimawr

Thank you.

Not only for Dimensions, a place I've been around for a very long time, but for laying things out here. Hopefully this will help trim down (irony!) the populace to a less contentious group, and a more focused one.

Hopefully.


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## mergirl

I have yet to meet anyone here who thinks the "inclusion of the social and sexual side of 'things' is deplorable". Can you be more specific? 
A place for Fas...................and those they admire. Fat people?. Indeed.
It is kinna fetishy though, is it not? I would say 'kinna fetishy' would be accurate..
Now, nothing wrong with that, if its your thing!
Look, its your site n all.. no need to worry about what any haters might think. Keep on truckin Conrad!


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## JMNYC

How about this---

It's a place to come because it's fun.

I've liked the people I've met at gatherings over the years. I love the photos. I've moderated. I wrote "The Weight Board Gazette" which I recently found on some old discs and intend to repost if anyone's interested. I posted here when my father died and got some very touching responses. I've met people who say they've heard things about me---things that were completely made up. I've brawled with different members over different things at different times, then learned how to utterly diffuse the slightest hint of discord and am happy to say I haven't had so much as a disagreement in as far back as I can remember---like 5 or more years. 

Like a marriage, Dimensions and I have worked it out, and we get along great now. 

But that just may be a reflection of me getting along great with this world in general, and me in it, and the people in my life, and my family, and governments, and all else in the very short time I have left here on earth.

Fetish...not a fetish...that stuff matters to someone else, not to me. Call me whatever it is you need to call me if it gets you through another day a little happier, a little more peaceful. Doesn't bother me. Call me a cab if you want to!



Thanks, Conrad!


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## Ernest Nagel

Anything can (and eventually will) be sexualized. When whatever that is becomes an irrational obsession we call it love. When we try to defend, explain or justify it, it becomes a fetish. Appreciating BBW without succumbing to the temptation to rationalize our attraction feels a little like eating without chewing though. When we learn not to over-think things a lot of problems handle themselves. JMO.


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## Santaclear

Conrad, I highly doubt that anyone who's still here "deplores the inclusion of the social side of things," or that more than an uptight few (if any) "deplore the inclusion of the sexual side." 

Beyond that, you're saying this is primarily an FA site and others are welcome as long as they are the people FAs admire. That's fair. Thanks for the clarification.


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## JMNYC

Also---

I feel to say Dimensions is not an "it." The software is an It, the the graphics are an It, but---

"Dimensions" is made up of thousands of people, with a few people at the top with benevolent powers of moderation, and one guy at the helm.

One big party.


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## mergirl

la la la la ..."Its my party and i'll cry is i want to.. cry if i want to ..cry if i want to"...
Its like a party where everyone gets too excited and rambunctious and ends up beat up and puking cause they ate to much cake. lmao


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## LoveBHMS

Santaclear said:


> Conrad, I highly doubt that anyone who's still here "deplores the inclusion of the social side of things," or that more than an uptight few (if any) "deplore the inclusion of the sexual side."
> 
> *Beyond that, you're saying this is primarily an FA site and others are welcome as long as they are the people FAs admire. *That's fair. Thanks for the clarification.



Except for where he didn't say that.



> For fat people, it's a place where they can learn about their admirers and see the beauty and attractiveness in their bodies.



He did not say it's a primarily FA site. But keep on playing victim.


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## Santaclear

LoveBHMS said:


> Except for where he didn't say that.
> He did not say it's a primarily FA site.



No? Then who is named first in the below sentence?



Webmaster said:


> So that's what Dimensions is and has always been, *a size-positive place for FAs and the people they admire. Nothing more and nothing less.*


*
*


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## LoveBHMS

> Initially, Dimensions was created as a special interest group for men who preferred fat partners. But almost since the beginning Dimensions has been a forum for both fat people and those who find them attractive. For FAs, Dimensions is a place where they can talk and learn about their preference, and find forums, fictions, pictures, advice and plenty more. For fat people, it's a place where they can learn about their admirers and see the beauty and attractiveness in their bodies.



Oh please.

If you're gonna post quotes, quote the entire thing that the person said. What is the big deal if "FA" or "fat person" was referenced first or second? Try reading the whole post Conrad made in which he clarified what *his site* was for.

Once again, quit playing victim. Conrad points out that Dims is for Size Acceptance and is for fat people, it's just also for FA. If you don't like that, don't come here. It really is that easy. If your whole point in logging on to Dims is to find a fight then go elsewhere. Speaking only for myself and other FAs, we're sick and tired of being made to feel we need to defend ourselves because we don't. We're fine how we are. As are fat people. Conrad's point is we can all coexist here so long as nobody tries to drag anyone else into a spitting contest. If you're hell bent on proving that Dims is *really* for you or *should really* be for you, he's just said you're wrong. It's for everyone.

Take it or leave it.


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## AnnMarie

Even when he makes a clear, fully constructed statement of what it is and isn't, it's dissected word for word to suit the argument of either side. 


The post is a whole, not just a few of the chosen words within.

Not everyone is a good fit here - in either direction. And that's ok.


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## Santaclear

AnnMarie said:


> Even when he makes a clear, fully constructed statement of what it is and isn't, it's dissected word for word to suit the argument of either side.
> The post is a whole, not just a few of the chosen words within.
> Not everyone is a good fit here - in either direction. And that's ok.



It was well constructed. In the last paragraph he said whom the site is for:



Webmaster said:


> As of late, I've been seeing a battle between those who think Dimensions is a strict size acceptance site and our inclusion of the social and sexual side of things is deplorable, and those who think preferring fat is just a fetish. Both sides are wrong.
> 
> Initially, Dimensions was created as a special interest group for men who preferred fat partners. But almost since the beginning Dimensions has been a forum for both fat people and those who find them attractive. For FAs, Dimensions is a place where they can talk and learn about their preference, and find forums, fictions, pictures, advice and plenty more. For fat people, it's a place where they can learn about their admirers and see the beauty and attractiveness in their bodies.
> 
> I specifically took Dimensions out of NAAFA a long time ago because I did not want for this special purpose to interfere with NAAFA's more politically-oriented brand of size acceptance. Needless to say, Dimensions is VERY much in favor of size acceptance, even though our contribution, in addition to having within our ranks some of the most dedicated size acceptance activists, is more in the areas of social opportunity and personal affirmation. So those who diss Dimensions for being a forum where those attracted to fat people can explore and discuss their desires and needs probably misunderstand our community's basic purpose.
> 
> On the other hand, I very strongly reject the notion that seeking a fat partner in life, or even just being attracted to fat people is nothing but a fetish! That is patently absurd and makes a mockery out of all the wonderful relationships and marriages, all the hopes and dreams, and all the new-found confidence that we're witnessing amongst us. So I am quite perturbed by the recent trend to endlessly insinuate that fat admirer = fetish, Dimensions = fetish site. Nothing, but nothing could be farther from the truth.
> 
> *So that's what Dimensions is and has always been, a size-positive place for FAs and the people they admire. Nothing more and nothing less.*


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## Sandie S-R

AnnMarie said:


> *Even when he makes a clear, fully constructed statement of what it is and isn't, it's dissected word for word to suit the argument of either side.
> 
> The post is a whole, not just a few of the chosen words within.
> 
> Not everyone is a good fit here - in either direction. And that's ok.*




Quoted for truth, because it is so dead right on. 

:bow: to AM


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## TraciJo67

Dimensions has moved far beyond being Conrad's site, and I'm beyond tired of hearing that argument. For starters, many people, myself included, have lent financial support towards its upkeep. Additionally, the contributors make it what it is. We all have a stake in it, not just Conrad, and accordingly, we should all have a voice in its direction.

It is clear, from reading Conrad's post, that this site is in fact primarily for FAs, hence the term "a size-positive place for FAs and the people they admire". 

Conrad: I'm disappointed that you have taken what I see to be some very valid points and skewed them into a perspective that is, in fact, a caricature of what many have actually been saying. I don't think that ANYONE objects to sexuality, fat sexuality, or fetishism. Nor do I see anyone saying that preferring fat is a fetish, in itself. A preference is not a fetish. Elementary. ABC stuff, really. Yet even those with hard-core fetishes can and do have a place here. What I'm beyond tired of is the constant ... and I do mean CONSTANT ... ranting about fetishism, with absolutely no understanding of (nor empathy for) people who themselves have very real, very valid feelings of discomfort over being viewed as nothing more than pounds of flesh. If we can discuss the one, why are we shut down when we wish to discuss the other? Are people truly that threatened, that uncomfortable, with their OWN self-proclaimed sexuality, that it can't hold up to some honest scrutiny? Again, I'm not suggesting that fetishism is inherently wrong or evil. I've never said that, nor do I believe I've seen anyone else say it. Just ... understand that if [the general] you are going to constantly harp on the fetish, the fetish, the fetish fetish fetish ... at some point, the object(s) of that fetish are going to wonder ... is there anything else to life? Are you actually SEEING the people living in the fat bodies? 

Finally, this isn't directed at everyone. I know, and am on very friendly terms with, many reasonable/responsible FA's, BBWs, and fetishists. This is directed at the vocal minority who constantly ... constantly ... CONSTANTLY ... shout to make their voices heard and then immediately stomp all over anyone who objects, stamps them with the 'harpy shrew COF morality police' label, shout 'INTERNET BULLY' to the top of their (internet bully) lungs, and basically ... the second things quiet down ... start ranting anew.


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## indy500tchr

Webmaster said:


> On the other hand, I very strongly reject the notion that seeking a fat partner in life, or even just being attracted to fat people is nothing but a fetish! That is patently absurd and makes a mockery out of all the wonderful relationships and marriages, all the hopes and dreams, and all the new-found confidence that we're witnessing amongst us. So I am quite perturbed by the recent trend to endlessly insinuate that fat admirer = fetish, Dimensions = fetish site. Nothing, but nothing could be farther from the truth.



I like this part the best. Those who think that fat women and men are just a fetish are deplorable in my eyes. I understand that there are kinds of fetishes that have to do with fat but a fetish is an act NOT a person. Thank you Conrad for mentioning this b/c so many men and even women on here believe that we are no more than our fat. Talk about dehumanizing.

I do have a question for you then. If you do not agree with the fat as a fetish then why do you allow people here to post, discuss and argue about it on your boards?


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## dragorat

*Let me tell you what Dimensions is to me.It's everything Conrad said plus a lot more.Dimensions is a family.A very LARGE family.There are people I love dearly & feel very close to.There are people who are like distant relatives that I'm just getting to know.There are members of the family that will argue with you but still love you deeply.There are members you'd prefer to have nothing to do with.Just like in a real family you will have good & bad.Through love things continue to move & grow.I love Dimensions & all those I've come to know.I feel happier & more secure with this family than I do with my real 1.Here I can talk with people who have similar thoughts & ideas a lot easier than I can with my real family.I've felt love,joy,sadness,pain,longing & fulfillment through my associations in this room.I've also felt the loss of dear friends here as we all have.Love to all.:wubu:*


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## LoveBHMS

> I do have a question for you then. If you do not agree with the fat as a fetish then why do you allow people here to post, discuss and argue about it on your boards?



Not Conrad, obviously, but let me offer some insight here.

The fact that some of us self ascribe as fetishists, or have fetishes, or practice certain behaviours in our sex lives does not translate into either negative actions towards fat people or negative thoughts about fat people. As I recently posted on the Weight Board, sexuality, no matter where it lies, is an inate matter. It's about how we think, feel, and become turned on. The variable is in how one chooses to behave and talk. 

While it is certainly true that some people express their sexuality in a way that is rude and dishonest, that is not the case for everyone. A discussion about a sexual turnon does not necessarily translate into a blueprint for how one is going to behave towards an actual man or woman. That some people misdirect their sexual needs is not the fault of all of us who come here to talk about those issues.


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## indy500tchr

LoveBHMS said:


> Not Conrad, obviously, but let me offer some insight here.
> 
> The fact that some of us self ascribe as fetishists, or have fetishes, or practice certain behaviours in our sex lives does not translate into either negative actions towards fat people or negative thoughts about fat people. As I recently posted on the Weight Board, sexuality, no matter where it lies, is an inate matter. It's about how we think, feel, and become turned on. The variable is in how one chooses to behave and talk.
> 
> While it is certainly true that some people express their sexuality in a way that is rude and dishonest, that is not the case for everyone. A discussion about a sexual turnon does not necessarily translate into a blueprint for how one is going to behave towards an actual man or woman. That some people misdirect their sexual needs is not the fault of all of us who come here to talk about those issues.



While I appreciate your response to clarify why you are here on DIMS I would really like to hear from Conrad on this subject matter.


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## bigsexy920

I love Dimensions for all the things that it is. People come here for many reasons. I for one came out of curiosity and I stayed because it felt like "home". I've met many many wonderful people and have made some great friends, and while doing that I've come to accept myself as I am (well in regard to my size) 

Its sad that people have a place to come and feel accepted and people have to go over the top - no one can seem to be empathetic to one and others feelings. Everyone is so concerned about being right that they overlook that PEOPLE are involved.


It is all the things you said - but I wouldn't change a thing. if people are unhappy here - they can always go elsewhere.


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## Dmitra

Thank you for hosting this party, Conrad!! Brawlers, korinthin kackers, and all.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

This is what Dims is to me, lol. Forgive me, I am very tired.

We got winners, we got losers
Chain smokers and boozers
And we got yuppies, we got bikers
We got thristy hitchhikers
And the girls next door dress up like movie stars

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar

We got cowboys, we got truckers
Broken-hearted fools and suckers
And we got hustlers, we got fighters
Early birds and all-nighters
And the veterans talk about their battle scars

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar

_[Chorus:]_
I love this bar
It's my kind of place
Just walkin' through the front door
Puts a big smile on my face
It ain't too far, come as you are
Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar

I've seen short skirts, we got high-techs
Blue-collar boys and rednecks
And we got lovers, lots of lookers
And I've even seen dancing girls and hookers
And we like to drink our beer from a mason jar

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar
Yes I do

I like my truck (I like my truck)
I like my girlfriend (I like my girlfriend)
I like to take her out to dinner
I like a movie now and then

But I love this bar
It's my kind of place
Just trollin' around the dance floor
Puts a big smile on my face
No cover charge, come as you are
Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar
Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar

We got divorcees and a big bouncer man
An old jukebox and a real bad band
We got waitresses and we got barflies
A dumb-ass and a wise-guy
If you get too drunk just sleep out in your car

Reason number 672 why

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar
Play it on out boys
Beer-thirty's over
Got to take it on home

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar
I just love it


oh yeah...and that's "I love this Bar" by Toby Keith


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## James

Its a great place that has been a vital component in the development of self for countless people. This space is where people have found friends, partners and community that they might not have done otherwise. In this way, it differs somewhat from much of the fatosphere, where social connection takes a back seat (at best) to issues of rights and activism. I value activism very highly but question the broader effectiveness of this (IMO) limited approach. As much respect as I have for the Big Fat Blogs, the Shapely Proses, the COFRAs, the NAAFAs (etc. etc.) of the world (they are certainly doing a good job in the most part) I've long felt that by practically ignoring sexuality, they operate from a fundamentally weakened position. I would talk about that more, but this is probably not the right thread for it. 

My take on dims, is pretty much aligned with Berna's... but I wouldn't say that _everyone _is obsessed with being right. There are no absolute right and wrongs in life after all... just interpretations, morals, rules and consequences. 

That said, I would thoroughly agree with the importance of remembering that people are involved. The tricky part is when the truth of one group of people feels uncomfortable to another group. I'd like to hope that we can collectively show respect for eachother's truths as we work through our own. If people find hearing about certain aspects of people's lives and experiences upsetting then they can, as adults, choose to interact in one of the many parts to dimensions where those experiences are less likely to be found. However, if all areas of the site are upsetting, then I would agree that the most rational thing to do would be cease interacting with it.


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## KHayes666

Without Dims and its positivity, I don't become who I am today. Same goes for the negativity, it allowed me to become a better person and to get thicker skin at the same time.

For the longest time I felt unsure of whether to post about my deepest fetishes, likes and dislikes because I knew the response would be negative. But once people (including myself) stood up for ourselves and others, it slowly became a place where people could be open about themselves. Now a man or a woman can post about their feelings, sexuality and their preferences without being ridiculed.

I thank Conrad for keeping the bullying to a minimum in the recent years, and for the website for helping me become who I am.


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## superodalisque

Ernest Nagel said:


> Anything can (and eventually will) be sexualized. When whatever that is becomes an irrational obsession we call it love. When we try to defend, explain or justify it, it becomes a fetish. Appreciating BBW without succumbing to the temptation to rationalize our attraction feels a little like eating without chewing though. When we learn not to over-think things a lot of problems handle themselves. JMO.



i agree with this more than i can say. i have a lot of empathy for FAs. i can really relate to them and thier struggles. but i feel that to some extent they can feed into a lot of misconceptions about themselves. i truly understand the need to find commonality. that is so important. but there also does tend to be a big need to explain and justify and that especially among people who are ready to accept automatically makes something look like its taboo. some people admittedly love that feeling of taboo and maybe they shouldn't be surprised that a BBW or BHM would take exception to that or that it might make a fat person feel fetishized. i think its important for an FA to come from a position of strength as much as possible. it will help him to feel more comfortable with his preference as well as the person he admires. if he can finally put aside some of the shakiness he can even cause people who feel opposed to rethink themselves. but he can only do that if he has the strength of his/her conviction. hopefully thats the thing that dims is good for.

i understand where a lot of FA angst is coming from. but when you are also a BHM/BBW and you have to deal with the shame and guilt some FAs have over being attracted to you its a very hard thing to accept and take in. i'm not ashamed of myself, never have been. i actually feel insulted by the idea that someone as to "come out" to his friends and family about me or someone like me. i wouldn't like being trotted out in front of his aquaintances for approval. i'm worth more than that and i think he should feel that he is worth more than that as well. public approval is all well and good but you hardly ever get it when you appear to need it so very much. he should treat it as a normal relationship and not like a BBW/BHM is some especially odd case. 

i'm not sure its healthy if a BBW/BHM accepts the basic idea that a fat person should be or is so "unacceptable" to the public as a whole. that is particularly true when you are speaking of the US where over half the population is fat now anyway. i think that whole concept causes a basic opposition when it comes to fat folk who are comfortable and should be around helping out people who need to get there. maybe it might sound like people hate FAs when its really thier own skin and thier own emotional health they are looking out for? i'm not sure its good for your sexual health either to consider yourself in your own eyes as needing a special case for someone to be attracted to you. 

i feel that sometimes the appearance of a focus on these issues instead of more positive ones even by those who are seasoned members of the community can put people off. what is the payoff for a fat person to relinquish his or her own self esteem to the idea that he/she is somehow unacceptable to most of society? there is none. it won't help anyone, not even the FA. when a fat person does that he/she is saying its okay for me to accept being treated as less and the ideas people have of my being less is ok and even somehow justified even though in our society most of us are fat, most of us are found to be beautiful and sexy by someone and there are a lot of people who are fat curious. so evidently we are not as far off the desireability scale as some might want to require us to be. i think people must be reminded of that in order to keep FAs from feeling like freaks and to keep BBWs and BHMs from making ourselves into freaks unnecessarily. 

an FA just finds fat people attractive. he/she may or maynot have a fetish just like anyone else can. its important for the FAs who do happen to have a fetish to remember to present themselves as FAs instead of fetish first in order not to create misconceptions abou who they are and what they value. an FA has a responsibility to create ideas about who he/she is in people's minds. i'm not sure if its fair to create an impression of yourself and then ask someone to believe something different. i understand that people need a place to blow off sexual steam. its important and healthy. but, sexuality is not just the domain of men. its not just the old boys club it used to be when Hefner started out. in order for everyone involved to feel fulfilled mutual understanding has to occur. women are more active partners in thier own sexuality and are not just going to lie there and look pretty anymore. they need to be respectful in expressing their opinions though just as men should be respectful. attack is not neccessary to express a point.

i really agree heartily with what Berna and James said about the need of people to be "right" here. there are two sides to everything and lots of grey area in between . dialogue is a great thing when you can be honest and talk about stuff--even things you know there are a lot of disagreements about. but, dehumanizing, belittling and ridiculing other people for thier beliefs, feelings and experiences really should stop. it lowers everyone. i mean whats the point of being SA if you can't be HA (human acceptance) anyway?


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## EvilPrincess

I am now confused. For a while now I have retreated further and further out of the mainstream dimensions, into the nooks and hiding places where you don't go. I have been a member since 2005, and you can scan all of my posts, I don't complain about posters, I stay out of the drama. But seriously, clicking on pay pal and donating a few sheckles does not make Dimensions any less Conrad's site. If you have ever noticed there is* No Dimensions* if Conrad's equipment or Conrad's service provider is down, without Conrad, Dimensions doesn't exist. If there is a problem, he is the one that has to go fix it. I don't think a clubhouse donation gets you put on the fix the server rotation. Having the ability to give direction without accountability or responsibility is a treacherous road to go down. 

Dimensions is a place for FAs and the ones that they admire to come together in as many ways as there are thoughts and discussions. 
I have not gotten that from the things I see you post and the manner in which you have conducted yourself. You have me confused. You feel your voice has a place here, you put that voice out there for all to experience, sometimes to me it has seemed to stomp on others, been condescending. The "honest" scrutiny, is more than that, it has seemed targeted and hurtful. 


Traci, I see your behavior at times as the behavior of an internet bully. 



TraciJo67 said:


> Dimensions has moved far beyond being Conrad's site, and I'm beyond tired of hearing that argument. For starters, many people, myself included, have lent financial support towards its upkeep. Additionally, the contributors make it what it is. We all have a stake in it, not just Conrad, and accordingly, we should all have a voice in its direction.
> 
> It is clear, from reading Conrad's post, that this site is in fact primarily for FAs, hence the term "a size-positive place for FAs and the people they admire".
> 
> Conrad: I'm disappointed that you have taken what I see to be some very valid points and skewed them into a perspective that is, in fact, a caricature of what many have actually been saying. I don't think that ANYONE objects to sexuality, fat sexuality, or fetishism. Nor do I see anyone saying that preferring fat is a fetish, in itself. A preference is not a fetish. Elementary. ABC stuff, really. Yet even those with hard-core fetishes can and do have a place here. What I'm beyond tired of is the constant ... and I do mean CONSTANT ... ranting about fetishism, with absolutely no understanding of (nor empathy for) people who themselves have very real, very valid feelings of discomfort over being viewed as nothing more than pounds of flesh. If we can discuss the one, why are we shut down when we wish to discuss the other? Are people truly that threatened, that uncomfortable, with their OWN self-proclaimed sexuality, that it can't hold up to some honest scrutiny? Again, I'm not suggesting that fetishism is inherently wrong or evil. I've never said that, nor do I believe I've seen anyone else say it. Just ... understand that if [the general] you are going to constantly harp on the fetish, the fetish, the fetish fetish fetish ... at some point, the object(s) of that fetish are going to wonder ... is there anything else to life? Are you actually SEEING the people living in the fat bodies?
> 
> Finally, this isn't directed at everyone. I know, and am on very friendly terms with, many reasonable/responsible FA's, BBWs, and fetishists. This is directed at the vocal minority who constantly ... constantly ... CONSTANTLY ... shout to make their voices heard and then immediately stomp all over anyone who objects, stamps them with the 'harpy shrew COF morality police' label, shout 'INTERNET BULLY' to the top of their (internet bully) lungs, and basically ... the second things quiet down ... start ranting anew.


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## LoveBHMS

EvilPrincess said:


> I am now confused. For a while now I have retreated further and further out of the mainstream dimensions, into the nooks and hiding places where you don't go. I have been a member since 2005, and you can scan all of my posts, I don't complain about posters, I stay out of the drama. But seriously, clicking on pay pal and donating a few sheckles does not make Dimensions any less Conrad's site. If you have ever noticed there is* No Dimensions* if Conrad's equipment or Conrad's service provider is down, without Conrad, Dimensions doesn't exist. If there is a problem, he is the one that has to go fix it. I don't think a clubhouse donation gets you put on the fix the server rotation. Having the ability to give direction without accountability or responsibility is a treacherous road to go down.
> 
> Dimensions is a place for FAs and the ones that they admire to come together in as many ways as there are thoughts and discussions.
> I have not gotten that from the things I see you post and the manner in which you have conducted yourself. You have me confused. You feel your voice has a place here, you put that voice out there for all to experience, sometimes to me it has seemed to stomp on others, been condescending. The "honest" scrutiny, is more than that, it has seemed targeted and hurtful.
> 
> 
> Traci, I see your behavior at times as the behavior of an internet bully.



Sometimes "QFT" doesn't seem sufficient.

Evil Princess, I wish there was a quadruple rep system.


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## superodalisque

EvilPrincess said:


> I am now confused. For a while now I have retreated further and further out of the mainstream dimensions, into the nooks and hiding places where you don't go. I have been a member since 2005, and you can scan all of my posts, I don't complain about posters, I stay out of the drama. But seriously, clicking on pay pal and donating a few sheckles does not make Dimensions any less Conrad's site. If you have ever noticed there is* No Dimensions* if Conrad's equipment or Conrad's service provider is down, without Conrad, Dimensions doesn't exist. If there is a problem, he is the one that has to go fix it. I don't think a clubhouse donation gets you put on the fix the server rotation. Having the ability to give direction without accountability or responsibility is a treacherous road to go down.



i agree that Conrad should be given his props for starting and running dims but dims is also a symbiotic thing. Conrad alone is not dims either. it wouldn't be dynamic enough to keep anyones interest and i think he'd get entirely bored posting to himself . don't be mistaken. if dims went down permanently tomorrow people would probably migrate to other sites, maybe even as a group and create a similar community. i saw that happen a bit when there were problems with dims being up before. i know a lot of people who were really sad when it went back up because they lost most of thier traffic all of a sudden. the thing that makes it work is push and pull. thats sort of just like real life. most of the other sites are one sided. they aren't doing nearly so well. why is that? but i agree that the idea that there is somehow something bad and anti feminist about sexuality needs to go. thats unhealthy especially for fat people who need to embrace thier bodies for everything that they are.


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## katorade

EvilPrincess said:


> I am now confused. For a while now I have retreated further and further out of the mainstream dimensions, into the nooks and hiding places where you don't go. I have been a member since 2005, and you can scan all of my posts, I don't complain about posters, I stay out of the drama. But seriously, clicking on pay pal and donating a few sheckles does not make Dimensions any less Conrad's site. If you have ever noticed there is* No Dimensions* if Conrad's equipment or Conrad's service provider is down, without Conrad, Dimensions doesn't exist. If there is a problem, he is the one that has to go fix it. I don't think a clubhouse donation gets you put on the fix the server rotation. Having the ability to give direction without accountability or responsibility is a treacherous road to go down.
> 
> Dimensions is a place for FAs and the ones that they admire to come together in as many ways as there are thoughts and discussions.
> I have not gotten that from the things I see you post and the manner in which you have conducted yourself. You have me confused. You feel your voice has a place here, you put that voice out there for all to experience, sometimes to me it has seemed to stomp on others, been condescending. The "honest" scrutiny, is more than that, it has seemed targeted and hurtful.
> 
> 
> Traci, I see your behavior at times as the behavior of an internet bully.



You don't possibly see how people could be upset about feeling marginalized as a member of this site when they've spent their own money and a number of years participating to this site, and now to come to the realization that what you think you've been fighting for and contributing to over the years doesn't actually matter? That there are several DOZEN people that feel like they were lied to for money and a body count number? Wow.


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## KHayes666

katorade said:


> You don't possibly see how people could be upset about feeling marginalized as a member of this site when they've spent their own money and a number of years participating to this site, and now to come to the realization that what you think you've been fighting for and contributing to over the years doesn't actually matter? That there are several DOZEN people that feel like they were lied to for money and a body count number? Wow.



Doesn't much matter how much money you pump into the site, it doesn't give you carte blanche to hurl insults at other posters or make fun of their preferences.


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## katorade

KHayes666 said:


> Doesn't much matter how much money you pump into the site, it doesn't give you carte blanche to hurl insults at other posters or make fun of their preferences.



Not even the point I or Traci was addressing. At all.


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## cinnamitch

and when you say COF, LADIES TEMPERANCE LEAGUE or HARPIES you are hurling insults and making fun of other folks PREFERENCES, just because it's not what you agree with.




KHayes666 said:


> Doesn't much matter how much money you pump into the site, it doesn't give you carte blanche to hurl insults at other posters or make fun of their preferences.


----------



## superodalisque

katorade said:


> You don't possibly see how people could be upset about feeling marginalized as a member of this site when they've spent their own money and a number of years participating to this site, and now to come to the realization that what you think you've been fighting for and contributing to over the years doesn't actually matter? That there are several DOZEN people that feel like they were lied to for money and a body count number? Wow.



i don't know. i've never felt lied to about what dims is/was. i felt it was always laid out there to accept or not accept and to see for yourself as an intelligent human being with a mind. is it really asking too much not to have members of any group ridiculed and name called? i think the same points can be made and maybe better without all of the nastiness. anyway, people feel justified in characterizing your ideas as crazy if your argument gets too shrill no matter how valid your points may be. i don't think its asking too much when people call for a little civility and room to be who they are. quieting people whose position you don't like only causes them to be able to hide thier true nature anyway. people need ot be able and see an judge for themselves-- and they can.


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## katorade

superodalisque said:


> i don't know. i've never felt lied to about what dims is/was. i felt it was always laid out there to accept or not accept and to see for yourself as an intelligent human being with a mind. is it really asking too much not to have members of any group ridiculed and name called? i think the same points can be made and maybe better without all of the nastiness. anyway, people feel justified in characterizing your ideas as crazy if your argument gets too shrill no matter how valid your points may be. i don't think its asking too much when people call for a little civility and room to be who they are. quieting people whose position you don't like only causes them to be able to hide thier true nature anyway. people need ot be able and see an judge for themselves-- and they can.



Fee, I don't think you understand what instances I was talking about. I, for one, have never donated to Dims because I realized for myself early on that it was not a venue that was out to support _my _lifestyle, but I've heard numerous accounts from people that heard keywords like fat acceptance and size acceptance thrown around like gilded marketing add-ons on Dimensions and actually believed that it held some level of importance on here. For most of them, finding out that it's more of an accidental afterthought is disparaging at best. 

I actually think a lot of the upset sounds like shrillness simply because the only comparison they get is smug self-assurance. Honestly, I think more civility is shown here than what you would get in real life.


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## KHayes666

cinnamitch said:


> and when you say COF, LADIES TEMPERANCE LEAGUE or HARPIES you are hurling insults and making fun of other folks PREFERENCES, just because it's not what you agree with.



Don't you get it? The ones who are doing the insulting and bullying are the "COF" to begin with, which is why others refer to them as such in retalliation. If certain people would just simply shut the fuck up and get off threads they don't belong, stands don't have to be made and drama doesn't have to surface, its that simple.

I'm no angel and neither are anyone who calls others COF, LTC or whatever, however sometimes just leaving a thread alone solves a lot of drama and unfortunately some members just can't do it for some reason.


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## irgashaka

I find this a very interesting post. I think that everyone has a valid point of view and this is to be expected. Dimensions has evolved with everyone's ideas, contributions, and participation. Each of us has our own perspective and therefore develops our own expectations. My participation on this site has been passive; this is my first post. Yet I have a strong attachment to Dimensions - I enjoy the site because I am a FA. Before my connection to the Internet in 1996 I found it very difficult to meet BBW and SSBBW. I could go out every Friday and Saturday night hoping to meet a SSBBW, yet I might go 6 months to a year before I happened to be lucky enough to meet one. My first night on the Internet I signed up in a BBW chat room. Wow - more BBW's and SSBBW's in my first chat room than I met in person for years before then. I discovered mIRC and the BBW chat rooms there, and various BBW dating sites after that. With Dimensions - there is so much more to enjoy. I agree that if Dimensions were to close tomorrow, the next day a new site would develop. But something would be missing, wouldn't it? Let's enjoy the site, and each other's company, while we can. By the way - a definition of a fetish is "Something, such as an object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification." I never considered my preference and attraction to SSBBW a fetish. Some guys prefer blonds, others redheads. Some guys prefer supermodels. I honestly believe that Supersized Big Beautiful Women are the most rare, precious, and beautiful women in the world. It has truly been my blessing and honor to simply be in the presence of the sexy and wonderful women that are part of Dimensions.


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## Miss Vickie

KHayes666 said:


> Don't you get it? The ones who are doing the insulting and bullying are the "COF" to begin with, which is why others refer to them as such in retalliation.



Is your argument seriously, "they did it first"? Seriously?? Are we all six years old? Even if what you claim is true (and I've been called a member of the CoF and I have never insulted anyone's lifestyle choices so I know it's not true), that doesn't make it right. Insults breed insults, and make things tense for everyone (something I'm all too aware of as a member of HP).



> If certain people would just simply shut the fuck up and get off threads they don't belong, stands don't have to be made and drama doesn't have to surface, its that simple.



To what are you referring, Kevin? Are certain parts of the board off limits to people? And if so, why? I personally don't hang on the weight board because I'm not into feeding but does that mean I'm not allowed to read, or post? If I notice a thread or post that's abusive to women (or a woman) am I not allowed to express my feelings about it? Do you really just want us to shut up and go away if we disagree with you?



> I'm no angel and neither are anyone who calls others COF, LTC or whatever, however *sometimes just leaving a thread alone solves a lot of drama and unfortunately some members just can't do it for some reason.*



(Bolded for emphasis) Really? Why should Traci leave a thread, when you and others have stayed and thrown your own verbal insults? Because her presence and opinions, which she dares to express, are a thorn in your side? If you're so strong in your beliefs as a feeder, why care what someone far far away thinks about what you do? Does it really matter?


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## katorade

Miss Vickie said:


> Is your argument seriously, "they did it first"? Seriously?? Are we all six years old? Even if what you claim is true (and I've been called a member of the CoF and I have never insulted anyone's lifestyle choices so I know it's not true), that doesn't make it right. Insults breed insults, and make things tense for everyone (something I'm all too aware of as a member of HP).
> 
> 
> 
> To what are you referring, Kevin? Are certain parts of the board off limits to people? And if so, why? I personally don't hang on the weight board because I'm not into feeding but does that mean I'm not allowed to read, or post? If I notice a thread or post that's abusive to women (or a woman) am I not allowed to express my feelings about it? Do you really just want us to shut up and go away if we disagree with you?
> 
> 
> 
> (Bolded for emphasis) Really? Why should Traci leave a thread, when you and others have stayed and thrown your own verbal insults? Because her presence and opinions, which she dares to express, are a thorn in your side? If you're so strong in your beliefs as a feeder, why care what someone far far away thinks about what you do? Does it really matter?




Their board, their rules, Vickie. Real world need not apply.


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## superodalisque

katorade said:


> Fee, I don't think you understand what instances I was talking about. I, for one, have never donated to Dims because I realized for myself early on that it was not a venue that was out to support _my _lifestyle, but I've heard numerous accounts from people that heard keywords like fat acceptance and size acceptance thrown around like gilded marketing add-ons on Dimensions and actually believed that it held some level of importance on here. For most of them, finding out that it's more of an accidental afterthought is disparaging at best.
> 
> I actually think a lot of the upset sounds like shrillness simply because the only comparison they get is smug self-assurance. Honestly, I think more civility is shown here than what you would get in real life.



i disagree with there being more civility here than in real life since people here really feel highly lulled and protected by the anonymity and the emotional distance. i know for a fact that the people here generally behave much differently when they face one another personally and see that they are indeed talking to a real human being. its hard to compare this to hearing the tone of someone's voice and seeing thier facial expression when they say what they have to say. its harder to mischaracterize. its much harder to look someone in the eye and say something hurtful if you are a decent human being.

as for SA i don't feel that anyone can provide that for you anyway. if you look for that anywhere you are bound to be disappointed. looking to dims to do it would be a mistake. even looking to NAAFA to do it would be a disappointment. i think this is just one place to begin an exploration for yourself. it doesn't make sense to make a website responsible for how you feel about yourself if you have the freedom to enter or leave, agree or disagree. its important that people don't decide to try and get thier SA through a computer screen anyway but through living. if nothing out there on the net looks like the kind of SA that people want it might be time to investigate creating it and doing something constructive instead of conducting a kind of nihilism. if people feel its really helpful to them it will draw an audience. it might be better than faulting something that people might be getting something positive from that they need. in life every place has its positives and negatives. you have to decide what you want out of a place and how to get it. the world is a complex place. you have the same choice with that as well. you can choose to dwell mainly on the bad or you can take part in the good--whatever that means to you.


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## liz (di-va)

I think that your post reads well, Conrad, but doesn't actually answer crucial questions about this site.

As I see it, Dimensions has always tried to accommodate size acceptance/fat admiration (as it pertains to both fat people and fat admirers, which I think is important and laudable--and possible) and one area of fat sexuality without putting the latter in better context, and that is working less and less well.

The fact of the matter is that not everyone is into (what for lack of a better term I'll call) Weight Board sexuality--gaining, encouraging, feederism, extreme weight gain, etc. It is one -- *one* -- *perfectly fine* -- area of fat sexuality, but it is not a universal to the fat experience.

It would be a surprise if it were. Just as it would be a surprise if all fat people/FAs were into BDSM, or role playing, or rope play, or swinging, or religion-based monogamy, or cross-dressing, or serious vanilla sex, or seriously subverting the power dynamic or...whatever it is. The way I see it, *any/all* of these things are fine, when consensual. But I don't expect everyone to be into them. 

There is a whole world of fat sexuality out there, and this one corner of it--WB stuff--ends up dominating the discussion and dividing people's allegiance by making it a litmus test. Much of the energy here--pro and con--gets focused on this one tree, instead of the forest. It's a red herring (to mix my metaphors even more) .

By trying to reconcile WB stuff with all areas of fat admiration and fat/size acceptance, this site ends up pissing off way more people than it accommodates because:

* The people who are into WB stuff end up hung out to dry and having to defend something that doesn't bear that kind of scrutiny (how do you "defend" any aspect of sexuality?).
* The people who are offended by WB stuff end up trying to reconcile something that doesn't necessarily fit with size acceptance (as I see it it doesn't have to--isn't really the point) and have a skewed sense of its role in things.

People end up pissed off/offended (beyond the normal internet hoo-ha, I mean) and, I'd argue, broader issues of fat/size acceptance and admiration get muddied amidst so much polarization.

I think Dimensions can continue to exist with all this stuff under the same roof--without all the discord, I mean--if it defines itself better. If you don't want people into WB stuff to be attacked, you need to protect the space better, instead of trying to make it fit with absolutely everything else; and if you want to accommodate the other people who keep showing up here anyhow (given the lack of resources for fat folks) you need to do the same. As long as things stay as murkily-defined, though, there will continue to be arguments.


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## superodalisque

liz (di-va) said:


> I think that your post reads well, Conrad, but doesn't actually answer crucial questions about this site.
> 
> As I see it, Dimensions has always tried to accommodate size acceptance/fat admiration (as it pertains to both fat people and fat admirers, which I think is important and laudable--and possible) and one area of fat sexuality without putting the latter in better context, and that is working less and less well.
> 
> The fact of the matter is that not everyone is into (what for lack of a better term I'll call) Weight Board sexuality--gaining, encouraging, feederism, extreme weight gain, etc. It is one -- *one* -- *perfectly fine* -- area of fat sexuality, but it is not a universal to the fat experience.
> 
> It would be a surprise if it were. Just as it would be a surprise if all fat people/FAs were into BDSM, or role playing, or rope play, or swinging, or religion-based monogamy, or cross-dressing, or serious vanilla sex, or seriously subverting the power dynamic or...whatever it is. The way I see it, *any/all* of these things are fine, when consensual. But I don't expect everyone to be into them.
> 
> There is a whole world of fat sexuality out there, and this one corner of it--WB stuff--ends up dominating the discussion and dividing people's allegiance by making it a litmus test. There is a whole forest of fat sexuality out there, and much of the energy here--pro and con--gets focused on this one tree. It's a red herring (to mix my metaphors even more) .
> 
> By trying to reconcile WB stuff with all areas of fat admiration and fat/size acceptance, this site ends up pissing off way more people than it accommodates because:
> 
> * The people who are into WB stuff end up hung out to dry and having to defend something that doesn't bear that kind of scrutiny (how do you "defend" any aspect of sexuality?).
> * The people who are offended by WB stuff end up trying to reconcile something that doesn't necessarily fit with size acceptance (as I see it it doesn't have to--isn't really the point) and have a skewed sense of its role in things.
> 
> People end up pissed off/offended (beyond the normal internet hoo-ha, I mean) and, I'd argue, broader issues of fat/size acceptance and admiration get muddied amidst so much polarization.
> 
> I think Dimensions can continue to exist with all this stuff under the same roof--without all the discord, I mean--if it defines itself better. If you don't want people into WB stuff to be attacked, you need to protect the space better, instead of trying to make it fit with absolutely everything else; and if you want to accommodate the other people who keep showing up here anyhow (given the lack of resources for fat folks) you need to do the same. As long as things stay as murkily-defined, though, there will continue to be arguments.



i have to agree with this. straddling the two lands only works if the continents stay close together but the further apart they get the easier it is to fall into the ocean. the more aware people become( both FAs and BHMs/ BBWs)socially politically and psychologically the further the two lands seem to get. i think it was easier to keep them together in the early days because people coped with the contradictions out of necessity. but, things are changing and a new reality is emerging that needs to be reconciled somehow. some real clarity might help. but then again there is a risk that a lot of SA oriented people may leave and they are really what makes this site different from all for the others. where else will FAs get a real response to issues. i'm not sure they want the pretty lies anymore that people were more comfortable with in the past. it seems that the newer generations of FAs have every intention of living thier lives out in the open and they need honesty to be able to do that well.


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## Isa

katorade said:


> Their board, their rules, Vickie. Real world need not apply.



Talk about quoted for truth! 



liz (di-va) said:


> I think that your post reads well, Conrad, but doesn't actually answer crucial questions about this site.
> 
> As I see it, Dimensions has always tried to accommodate size acceptance/fat admiration (as it pertains to both fat people and fat admirers, which I think is important and laudable--and possible) and one area of fat sexuality without putting the latter in better context, and that is working less and less well.
> 
> The fact of the matter is that not everyone is into (what for lack of a better term I'll call) Weight Board sexuality--gaining, encouraging, feederism, extreme weight gain, etc. It is one -- *one* -- *perfectly fine* -- area of fat sexuality, but it is not a universal to the fat experience.
> 
> It would be a surprise if it were. Just as it would be a surprise if all fat people/FAs were into BDSM, or role playing, or rope play, or swinging, or religion-based monogamy, or cross-dressing, or serious vanilla sex, or seriously subverting the power dynamic or...whatever it is. The way I see it, *any/all* of these things are fine, when consensual. But I don't expect everyone to be into them.
> 
> There is a whole world of fat sexuality out there, and this one corner of it--WB stuff--ends up dominating the discussion and dividing people's allegiance by making it a litmus test. Much of the energy here--pro and con--gets focused on this one tree, instead of the forest. It's a red herring (to mix my metaphors even more) .
> 
> By trying to reconcile WB stuff with all areas of fat admiration and fat/size acceptance, this site ends up pissing off way more people than it accommodates because:
> 
> * The people who are into WB stuff end up hung out to dry and having to defend something that doesn't bear that kind of scrutiny (how do you "defend" any aspect of sexuality?).
> * The people who are offended by WB stuff end up trying to reconcile something that doesn't necessarily fit with size acceptance (as I see it it doesn't have to--isn't really the point) and have a skewed sense of its role in things.
> 
> People end up pissed off/offended (beyond the normal internet hoo-ha, I mean) and, I'd argue, broader issues of fat/size acceptance and admiration get muddied amidst so much polarization.
> 
> I think Dimensions can continue to exist with all this stuff under the same roof--without all the discord, I mean--if it defines itself better. If you don't want people into WB stuff to be attacked, you need to protect the space better, instead of trying to make it fit with absolutely everything else; and if you want to accommodate the other people who keep showing up here anyhow (given the lack of resources for fat folks) you need to do the same. As long as things stay as murkily-defined, though, there will continue to be arguments.



You make wonderful points and bring up important questions but I doubt the majority here even care.


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## escapist

I fail to see why people who are disagreeable to a thing, continue to participate unless they simply enjoy the fight. I would love to see the negativity go away but for some they actually troll the board for conflicts to join in. Often this is most obvious when they are suddenly posting in threads or topics they know nothing about only to later find out they were in the wrong because they didn't even bother to read the conversation or think of that it was the appropriate place for the discussion.

If you don't like something perhaps the best thing you can do is PM. Why try to devalue others on a public forum via ridicule, name calling, and whatever else? I am aware its unrealistic to think its going to stop but I also know some people here wait for others to push their buttons; they just itch for the opportunity to pounce on ANY Topic, Post, or Thread, then cry they are the intelligent ones on the moral high ground.


Side note to some of this: The idea that making a donation would give me some sort of voice in another persons business is absolutely ridiculous unless it was more than just a donation and I was explicitly told the donation would give me the right to have some sort of quantifiable outcome on the choices the company or business would take. Perhaps my logic is wrong next time the Salvation Army is ringing bells outside of Walmart I'm gonna make sure I ask if I get a voice in the Universal Christian Church's policy's and procedures if I make said donation to the Salvation Army Branch.


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## chicken legs

WTF

again I say


WTF


If you dont like being fat or seen as a hottie, then don't come to this site.


END OF EFFING STORY.....That should be the new disclaimer.



ok ... I feel better now. I am not a wordy person..but you get the point.

Seriously....

If I were Conrad I would ban some of you for attempting to undermining this site. We are all adults here so act like it. The same people who start fights on this site would start fights in any other place and on any other subject because they have zero social skills and tons of emotional baggage to begin with..whether they be fat, skinny, used to be fat, male, or female. *The cool thing is Conrad is cool with you unloading you baggage.* WHY? Because he is an aware FA and knows that breaking down barriers and reaching higher levels of understanding means breaking a few eggs to make a delicious omelet. This site has helped alot of people work through their feelings and thoughts as Fa and those who are the subject of that admiration. 

Fat people are being attacted everywhere...now more than ever because of the coming social reforms, and this is one of the few places where you can just flirt and have fun with each other. This is a place where a Fa/FFA can talk with the person they desire without being attacted by friends, family, co-workers, etc...because the truth is it isn't socially acceptable to be an FA/FFA just as it isn't socially acceptable to be fat.

Now when it comes to seeing someone as a piece of meat...well hell..I am guilty as charged. The thing is...for most..its a refreshing/empowering thing to be seen as a hottie and know it is because of their physical body an not because we are looking past their physical body (I know I love it). Maybe its because I am a female... I can get away with being shallow in this present day society, but who knows... maybe in a few decades men will be complaining that women only see them as sexual object. Until then I am going to check out some pics in the BHM/FFA board .


Anywho, 

Thanks Conrad :bow: for making a place for a Love Connection to happen for Escapist and I and I hope the best for other FA/FFA's and those we admire.


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## LoveBHMS

katorade said:


> Fee, I don't think you understand what instances I was talking about. I, for one, have never donated to Dims because I realized for myself early on that it was not a venue that was out to support _my _lifestyle, but I've heard numerous accounts from people that heard keywords like fat acceptance and size acceptance thrown around like gilded marketing add-ons on Dimensions and actually believed that it held some level of importance on here. For most of them, finding out that it's more of an accidental afterthought is disparaging at best.
> 
> I actually think a lot of the upset sounds like shrillness simply because the only comparison they get is smug self-assurance. Honestly, I think more civility is shown here than what you would get in real life.



If i'm reading this correctly, you don't financially contribute because you don't think it's a worthy cause or not one of value to you. I'm going to guess you made this decision via reading the site, seeing what the forums' topics were, and gathering it wasn't the right place for your money. What prevented others from doing that? I don't know of anyone who saw a tv ad for this place and sent money, got a telemarketing call, or received a directing mail fundraising appeal. This notion that people were lured here with false promise and had their pockets picked? I don't get it. If you could make an informed choice about giving money, nothing stopped anyone else from doing the same thing.



> To what are you referring, Kevin? Are certain parts of the board off limits to people? And if so, why? I personally don't hang on the weight board because I'm not into feeding but does that mean I'm not allowed to read, or post? If I notice a thread or post that's abusive to women (or a woman) am I not allowed to express my feelings about it? *Do you really just want us to shut up and go away if we disagree with you*?



Yes. And let me tell you why. LillyBBBW made the connection between this and discussions on the WLS board. She pointed out that she herself is strongly opposed to it, but has ceased participating in the discussions because a discussion about WLS like what kind of band to get, expectations about the procedure, aftercare from the surgery, etc., don't require or want a voice saying that WLS is wrong to begin with. How well received would it be if a human rights activist went onto the clothing board to talk about how Torrid clothes were made in sweatshops and nobody should shop there? Or for me as a vegetarian to go to the Food board thread about how they like hamburgers or chicken wings served and start ranting about factory farming? Yeah those things count as my opinion, and in my own head it's even valid and really really important that everyone understands the deplorable conditions the cow or chicken lived under, but it's *not. welcome.*



> Really? Why should Traci leave a thread, when you and others have stayed and thrown your own verbal insults? Because her presence and opinions, which she dares to express, are a thorn in your side? If you're so strong in your beliefs as a feeder, why care what someone far far away thinks about what you do? Does it really matter?



Kevin never mentioned Traci by name, so I'm not sure why she personally was referenced. However I will say in general there are people here who simply want to argue, harass and bully. They're not on here to be SA warriors, they're here to fight about things and display their bullying skills by making fun of others and running away from in under the guise of "just kidding" or "trying to inject some humor into the situation". And the whole "if you're so strong why can't you take some opposition" would never ever ever fly on any other part of this board. I mean if you're so sure your choice to have WLS was the right one, why not just put up with people insulting you? If FAs are so sure that liking fat women is ok, why not just let trolls on here to say they're weird or twisted or only want to be with fat women cause they can't get anyone else? If somebody is so proud of how they look, why not let others say "You need to gain weight, you're not fat enough", after all they're strong in their belief that 400 pounds is hot and they don't need to shoot for 500.

Edited to add: It's important to also point out that the Weight Board issues are often taken to other threads where they don't belong, simply because people want to use them as fodder for personal attacks. If you hate feederism or feeders or a particular feeder as a person, that fact can be left on the Weight Board. When somebody takes that attack to the Health Board and uses a medical issue to ridicule you, that needs to be beaten back. Furthermore when somebody writes on Lounge thread about how funny it was that you were being ridiculed and others jump in and laugh about it, that's when the COF mentions are well deserved.


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## Shosh

I am not going to speak to the politics and fighting that goes on here, but I will just say what Dimensions has become for me.

It has taken me the almost four years that I have been here to view my body as being attractive, to feel ok about myself, and to not apologize for my size.
This is me and that is that.

I am going to wear whatever clothes I want, and I am beautiful.

Yes my WLS has failed, and I am not unhappy about that. I am a fat girl and I have come to peace with that.

So thanks Dimensions for that.


----------



## katorade

LoveBHMS said:


> If i'm reading this correctly, you don't financially contribute because you don't think it's a worthy cause or not one of value to you. I'm going to guess you made this decision via reading the site, seeing what the forums' topics were, and gathering it wasn't the right place for your money. What prevented others from doing that? I don't know of anyone who saw a tv ad for this place and sent money, got a telemarketing call, or received a directing mail fundraising appeal. This notion that people were lured here with false promise and had their pockets picked? I don't get it. If you could make an informed choice about giving money, nothing stopped anyone else from doing the same thing.



I can't really answer that, I can only give you the accounts told to me by people that feel that way. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven't been Dimensions actively for nearly as long as a lot of them (5+ years) and the issues have been a long time coming, or have just been building very slowly.


----------



## LoveBHMS

katorade said:


> I can't really answer that, I can only give you the accounts told to me by people that feel that way. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven't been Dimensions actively for nearly as long as a lot of them (5+ years) and the issues have been a long time coming, or have just been building very slowly.



If it's a financial issue, why don't they just stop giving money? Most people won't continue patronizing a business that doesn't meet their needs. As Evil Princess pointed out though, giving money doesn't mean you should have any say as to how the site is run. 

If it's a "site direction" issue, then why not take it to to moderators or to Conrad, rather than harassing other posters about it. Or if it no longer meets their needs, stop coming here. Or worst case scenario, recognize the site has changed and deal with it. Too many people have decided the way to deal with it is by flaunting the rules, harassing others via PM, and posting personal attacks that are completely vile.


----------



## mergirl

Different people have different views on what 'vile' is.. this can only ever cause problems, especially when those people are in close proximity of each other. Like a fart in a lift. Some people find it funny and it turns the stomachs of others. Its hard to just get out of a farty lift sometimes.


----------



## sunnie1653

I'm glad this post was made.

I'm only sorry that it didn't come up 2 years ago when I first joined, or that Dimensions' "purpose" isn't more clear to those joining for the first time. 

Then again, had I known then what I know now? Who knows.


----------



## Tooz

I have not read anything but the OP here, but I am gonna give my opinion.

Founding a site does not mean you are solely in charge of "what it is," ESPECIALLY if it becomes a community. The community kind of dictates it.

There is a lot of nastiness that goes on here that I don't like, but not one person can pin it down and say "this is what it is."


----------



## escapist

Tooz said:


> I have not read anything but the OP here, but I am gonna give my opinion.
> 
> *Founding a site does not mean you are solely in charge of "what it is," ESPECIALLY if it becomes a community. The community kind of dictates it.
> *
> There is a lot of nastiness that goes on here that I don't like, but not one person can pin it down and say "this is what it is."



Does that mean if I scribble on the bathroom wall in the stalls of my local McDonalds, I get a say-so in what the scribbles mean to the community? Doesn't McDonalds still have the right/ability to just paint over it, or close bathroom or even the restaurant?

I think your right when you say, "The community *kind of* dictates it." However, the ultimate choice of leaving anything on is up to the owner.


----------



## Tooz

escapist said:


> Does that mean if I scribble on the bathroom wall in the stalls of my local McDonalds, I get a say-so in what the scribbles mean to the community? Doesn't McDonalds still have the right/ability to just paint over it, or close bathroom or even the restaurant?



Yeah no, your example is just not the same thing. I say "kind of" and variations of to soften my point. Remove that and you have what I am actually saying.


----------



## LoveBHMS

mergirl said:


> Different people have different views on what 'vile' is.. this can only ever cause problems, especially when those people are in close proximity of each other. Like a fart in a lift. Some people find it funny and it turns the stomachs of others. Its hard to just get out of a farty lift sometimes.



Trust me when I tell you there was no question in this case.


----------



## joswitch

Dims is... An endless circular ride on the drama-llama - for FAs and the women that hate them.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

Webmaster said:


> As of late, I've been seeing a battle between those who think Dimensions is a strict size acceptance site and our inclusion of the social and sexual side of things is deplorable, and those who think preferring fat is just a fetish. Both sides are wrong.
> 
> Initially, Dimensions was created as a special interest group for men who preferred fat partners. But almost since the beginning Dimensions has been a forum for both fat people and those who find them attractive. For FAs, Dimensions is a place where they can talk and learn about their preference, and find forums, fictions, pictures, advice and plenty more. For fat people, it's a place where they can learn about their admirers and see the beauty and attractiveness in their bodies.
> 
> I specifically took Dimensions out of NAAFA a long time ago because I did not want for this special purpose to interfere with NAAFA's more politically-oriented brand of size acceptance. Needless to say, Dimensions is VERY much in favor of size acceptance, even though our contribution, in addition to having within our ranks some of the most dedicated size acceptance activists, is more in the areas of social opportunity and personal affirmation. So those who diss Dimensions for being a forum where those attracted to fat people can explore and discuss their desires and needs probably misunderstand our community's basic purpose.
> 
> On the other hand, I very strongly reject the notion that seeking a fat partner in life, or even just being attracted to fat people is nothing but a fetish! That is patently absurd and makes a mockery out of all the wonderful relationships and marriages, all the hopes and dreams, and all the new-found confidence that we're witnessing amongst us. So I am quite perturbed by the recent trend to endlessly insinuate that fat admirer = fetish, Dimensions = fetish site. Nothing, but nothing could be farther from the truth.
> 
> So that's what Dimensions is and has always been, a size-positive place for FAs and the people they admire. Nothing more and nothing less.



"When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world." ~ John Muir

So Chief it seems clear that there's no way to disconnect the original vision from "the rest of the world". There's the website you control but it is symbiotic with the community that populates and energizes it. Together they represent an organism and like all living organisms it is compelled to adapt to its' environment, to evolve. Evolution is neither good nor bad; it's functional. The function of evolution is to assure continuity on some level. You can't stop or subvert evolution without risking extinction. Dimensions will become whatever it needs to in order to survive. The ability to adapt to the widest range of circumstances will determine whether it flourishes or merely continues to exist. JMO. :bow:


----------



## LillyBBBW

I've been a member of Dimensions since before it was a vBulletin site, plus I was a subscriber to the print magazine when it was in circulation. I was on the old weight board with occasional posts on the main board before the conversion to this site. To me it was always clear what kind of site this was. I wasn't sure where anyone was getting the impression that this was a strictly SA site. Maybe this site is presented in a link from somewhere that leads people to believe that it is. People discuss issues of SA here but I always thought that was natural. I'm just wondering if there is some banner or mission statement somewhere that would cause someone to be mislead. To me all of this seemed plain and understood but maybe it was taken for granted due to my history with Dimensions.


----------



## LoveBHMS

LillyBBBW said:


> I've been a member of Dimensions since before it was a vBulletin site, plus I was a subscriber to the print magazine when it was in circulation. I was on the old weight board with occasional posts on the main board before the conversion to this site. To me it was always clear what kind of site this was. I wasn't sure where anyone was getting the impression that this was a strictly SA site. Maybe this site is presented in a link from somewhere that leads people to believe that it is. People discuss issues of SA here but I always thought that was natural. I'm just wondering if there is some banner or mission statement somewhere that would cause someone to be mislead. To me all of this seemed plain and understood but maybe it was taken for granted due to my history with Dimensions.



I think the argument here is that it has become, or should become an SA site because it can or should evolve that way because the community wants it.

Even if Dims were an SA site, I think it's important to note that if it is, or partly is, that doesn't give the fact of somebody being fat, that they used to be fat, or have had 4000 fat partners the right to behave however they want all in the name of size acceptance. It seems to be the default "Reason I can flaunt the rules and launch personal attacks"---because Dims isn't enough of an SA site and it purports to be. There are any number of posters on here who insist on Size Acceptance yet who never seem to actually focus on it, but rather the social/sexual part of the site for the sole purpose of criticizing it. There aren't any limits that i know of on discussing SA, yet too many people seem to believe that being an SA activist is policing the Weight and FA Boards and harassing people for not being size accepting enough.


----------



## chicken legs

My relationship with Dims is like my other relationships. I looked at it for a while, checked out other sites like it and decided I like this one the best...for better or worse. I didn't try to change it, but I do support it. If it went in a direction that was weird..I spoke up because I knew what it was about when I finally decided to join. If it had elements I didn't like or if it didn't fullfill all my needs (because no One site can) I simply went to other sites that did but eventually I came back with ideas that I felt might improve it based on what I have found I liked elsewhere. 

However, some of you, act like they type of person who has a whirlwind romance only to realize thats not what you wanted when you finally take the rose colored glasses off. Then you get into fights because you are kinda of a control freak and a tad obsessive and try to change that person into something you Think you might want ...even when you have no clue as to what you really like in the first place. Then you get even more pissy when they dont want to change based on your whims because they are actually happy with themselves and the fact that they have the ability to be happy with themselves actually pisses you off more.


This has always been a FA based site. ALWAYS BEEN A FA BASED SITE. FROM DAY ONE. I hope the Bolded text has helped you see things a little bit better. If it doesn't maybe you should take off the glasses and have your eyes checked.


----------



## sunnie1653

chicken legs said:


> My relationship with Dims is like my other relationships. I looked at it for a while, checked out other sites like it and decided I like this one the best...for better or worse. I didn't try to change it, but I do support it. If it went in a direction that was weird..I spoke up because I knew what it was about when I finally decided to join. If it had elements I didn't like or if it didn't fullfill all my needs (because no One site can) I simply went to other sites that did but eventually I came back with ideas that I felt might improve it based on what I have found I liked elsewhere.
> 
> However, some of you, act like they type of person who has a whirlwind romance only to realize thats not what you wanted when you finally take the rose colored glasses off. Then you get into fights because you are kinda of a control freak and a tad obsessive and try to change that person into something you Think you might want ...even when you have no clue as to what you really like in the first place. Then you get even more pissy when they dont want to change based on your whims because they are actually happy with themselves and the fact that they have the ability to be happy with themselves actually pisses you off more.
> 
> 
> This has always been a FA based site. ALWAYS BEEN A FA BASED SITE. FROM DAY ONE. I hope the Bolded text has helped you see things a little bit better. If it doesn't maybe you should take off the glasses and have your eyes checked.






I was going to say this re: your first post, but I figured I was being sensitive and stuff but seeing it again, I'm forced to say: "Is there really a need for you to be so rude?"


----------



## chicken legs

sunnie1653 said:


> I was going to say this re: your first post, but I figured I was being sensitive and stuff but seeing it again, I'm forced to say: "Is there really a need for you to be so rude?"



If you want to say something to me on my wording ...then pm me. However, being rude is publicly chastising someone on how they present their ideas because you dont like it. If I hit a personal note with you then so be it. My views and illustrations are from my personal experiences. 

Really...just to take a brush at my comments with a sweeping generalization to undermine what I said is pretty messed up. If I made you think, then explain how you came up with how you feel I was rude. I really am curious.


----------



## LoveBHMS

sunnie1653 said:


> I was going to say this re: your first post, but I figured I was being sensitive and stuff but seeing it again, I'm forced to say: "Is there really a need for you to be so rude?"



I honestly dont' think she was being rude. CL's style is just very upfront and a little irreverent. I think if you focus on the message, it's pretty clear what she was getting at and not trying to insult any one individual or group. All she's saying is she think Dims is misunderstood and that misunderstanding gets acted upon in ways that aren't productive.


----------



## sunnie1653

chicken legs said:


> If you dont like being fat or seen as a hottie, then don't come to this site.






chicken legs said:


> If it doesn't maybe you should take off the glasses and have your eyes checked.






Maybe its just me.. I don't know, but these two statements.. are rude. These could have come across as valid and intelligent points, but IMHO.. they were uncalled for. Just MY opinion though. Then again as someone who doesn't *mind *being fat, maybe my opinion doesn't matter as much as someone who *loves *being fat.

When I personally joined Dims, I guess I didn't read the fine print. I took this as a place where it was acceptable to be fat and to share ideas, thoughts, etc with people like me. 

Unfortunately, I was way off base.

And I'm sorry that you think I'm being rude.. Your thoughts are your thoughts. I don't disagree with them. It has been stated, by this board's owner, what this site is about. I was wrong in MY assumptions of what this site was, so in accordance with Conrad's statement, then yes.. your opinions go right with that. I just think it could've been stated in a different way to the people that disagree with him, and as a result, disagree with you, too.

No offense intended.


----------



## chicken legs

LoveBHMS said:


> I honestly dont' think she was being rude. CL's style is just very upfront and a little irreverent. I think if you focus on the message, it's pretty clear what she was getting at and not trying to insult any one individual or group. All she's saying is she think Dims is misunderstood and that misunderstanding gets acted upon in ways that aren't productive.



LOL..Thanks (I think). I do have a thick skin so it comes from that POV. I am a FFA who was never in the closet.


----------



## LoveBHMS

sunnie1653 said:


> Maybe its just me.. I don't know, but these two statements.. are rude. These could have come across as valid and intelligent points, but IMHO.. they were uncalled for. Just MY opinion though. Then again as someone who doesn't *mind *being fat, maybe my opinion doesn't matter as much as someone who *loves *being fat.
> 
> When I personally joined Dims, I guess I didn't read the fine print. I took this as a place where it was acceptable to be fat and to share ideas, thoughts, etc with people like me.
> 
> Unfortunately, I was way off base.



Again, I think she's just giving her perspective and she has her own writing style. Since she posts more on the FFA board, I may just be more accustomed to it because i've read more of both her and her partner's posts and they are typically in this style. I truly don't think she meant to offend anyone or to say how anyone should feel about their bodies, I think she's just saying what she thinks about the "What Dims Is or Should Be" argument.


----------



## chicken legs

sunnie1653 said:


> Maybe its just me.. I don't know, but these two statements.. are rude. These could have come across as valid and intelligent points, but IMHO.. they were uncalled for. Just MY opinion though. Then again as someone who doesn't *mind *being fat, maybe my opinion doesn't matter as much as someone who *loves *being fat.
> 
> When I personally joined Dims, I guess I didn't read the fine print. I took this as a place where it was acceptable to be fat and to share ideas, thoughts, etc with people like me.
> 
> Unfortunately, I was way off base.
> 
> And I'm sorry that you think I'm being rude.. Your thoughts are your thoughts. I don't disagree with them. It has been stated, by this board's owner, what this site is about. I was wrong in MY assumptions of what this site was, so in accordance with Conrad's statement, then yes.. your opinions go right with that. I just think it could've been stated in a different way to the people that disagree with him, and as a result, disagree with you, too.
> 
> No offense intended.



Look Govna,

I be leav'n them there fluffy PC statements to Conrad..lol


----------



## RedVelvet

You know..I have never seen this site as a Size Acceptance site...ever. If it's there, it's accidental.

Its a Size Lust site, and a Size Fantasy site, and a Size Sexuality site, and an FA's (of either gender) talking about what they like/lust/fap to about Size site, and all that goes with that.

Large women have a spot here, especially and most noticably if they want to post pictures or advertise their modeling sites.... but primarily this is not about us...

Ok, it is, just not the reality of us, warts and opinions and all. That's how I have always seen it.

Pockets of truth and reality and profound thought can be found amongst all this fantasy if you look for it....some fun, off topic posts because life can't fucking ALWAYS be about teh fatt.....but really this is about lust and want and desire and explorations of it.

My participation has always been about wading though the other stuff to find the stuff I like. Sometimes I have waded into areas I should not have gone and been disturbed by what I found there.

Voicing my opinion though, unless its done in a profoundly soft and careful and measured manner, never did do anything but cause a row, with the resulting feelings of hurt or disgust or frustration and...and a sad side effect of making me think less of others.

So...In order to preserve my sanity, I leave for big chunks of time. In order to soften my eye towards those of certain persuasions and interests...I leave for periods of time...because if I were here all the time...my heart would break. That's my experience of here. Your mileage may vary.

So I tip toe around this minefield every few months...because I miss the smart, funny, people who are here...because I get lonely here in NY and am homesick and miss my LA friends, because its the busiest game in town.

But I have stopped struggling against it. I don't assume that by my contributions of any kind, monetary or non...I own this thing or any part of it. I don't think it owes me anything..and I don't think its looking for my respect. It just is. And I can take it or leave it..and I do, all the time.

....Its funny. The female Bullies and Thought Police or whatever the fuck is being labeled onto people who feel comfortable enough to wade in with both feet and say what they feel, regardless... (I have been gone so long I don't even know what COF stands for...that should be fun to look up)...are some of the smartest and likable people here, IMO. I have even been painted with that brush myself a time or two, and know also that there are fine people who play very nice here on the board in spite of personal misgivings. Nature of the beast.


Perception is.....subjective.

But yeah. That gets me back to my point, ahem...what can you do? This site is what it is. There will always be people who see it as different things, or what it should be, etc.

Always.

All it can do, as a site, is accommodate *or* push out people who fuck with the pool party. Right now, it does both these things, but never completely. Maybe that has to be lived with.


----------



## LillyBBBW

It has always been my belief that size acceptance is very exclusionary in the way it is practiced by most people. Not everyone is welcomed in SA. There is always someone with a thing against paysite models, skinny people, people over 300 pounds, midsized bbws, FAs, people who have weightloss surgery, the disabled, over achievers or anybody else people feel marginalized by or they feel ruins the picture for them. To me size acceptance doesn't exist except with individuals. Those personal inner resolutions translate to a person's behavior going forward and can create change just in the day to day goings. That has been my belief anyway, not that I'm claiming to be perfect in my thinking all the time. I'm still a work in progress but I tend to be very cynical about anything strictly labeled "Size Acceptance" because it has come to mean "Believe as [we] do" far too often. SA will always have factions breaking off who feel disenfranchised or boxed in by dogma. It seems to happen in cycles and is a clear example why lots of SA sites and movements fail after a while.


----------



## TraciJo67

Arv, :wubu: @ seeing you posting. And as usual, I'm in full agreement.

It isn't my intent to bully *anyone*, including the people that I rather obviously dislike. Some will perceive it that way, and depending on whose perception is involved, I will either shrug it off or take it to heart. In this thread, given who has expressed (as per) their (as per) polarized opinions, it's definitely the former. It is interesting to me how those who are the most virilent in how they express themselves cannot see beyond their own noses and take their own behavior into consideration. 

Finally, this topic is pretty much same thing, different day. What more is there to be said? Well, one thing:

My "sheckles", so to speak, have amounted to several hundred dollars over the course of the last few years, and double that to businesses that advertise at Dims, and I have the Paypal record to prove it. I shouldn't even HAVE to pull that out, since it should be patently obvious to all that the relationship between Conrad's ownership of this site, and those who contribute to it, is symbiotic. There wouldn't BE a Dims without an active, contributing membership. What I find interesting is that those who spew the most about how the site is CONRAD'S and we're all just GUESTS here ... are, for the most part, contributing nothing but ... well. Check out the posting histories, and then double check them against the list of active contributors. Having said that, though: Financial support is only one aspect of our involvement here. Without us ... no Dims. That should be acknowledged, and appreciated.



RedVelvet said:


> You know..I have never seen this site as a Size Acceptance site...ever. If it's there, it's accidental.
> 
> Its a Size Lust site, and a Size Fantasy site, and a Size Sexuality site, and an FA's (of either gender) talking about what they like/lust/fap to about Size site, and all that goes with that.
> 
> Large women have a spot here, especially and most noticably if they want to post pictures or advertise their modeling sites.... but primarily this is not about us...
> 
> Ok, it is, just not the reality of us, warts and opinions and all. That's how I have always seen it.
> 
> Pockets of truth and reality and profound thought can be found amongst all this fantasy if you look for it....some fun, off topic posts because life can't fucking ALWAYS be about teh fatt.....but really this is about lust and want and desire and explorations of it.
> 
> My participation has always been about wading though the other stuff to find the stuff I like. Sometimes I have waded into areas I should not have gone and been disturbed by what I found there.
> 
> Voicing my opinion though, unless its done in a profoundly soft and careful and measured manner, never did do anything but cause a row, with the resulting feelings of hurt or disgust or frustration and...and a sad side effect of making me think less of others.
> 
> So...In order to preserve my sanity, I leave for big chunks of time. In order to soften my eye towards those of certain persuasions and interests...I leave for periods of time...because if I were here all the time...my heart would break. That's my experience of here. Your mileage may vary.
> 
> So I tip toe around this minefield every few months...because I miss the smart, funny, people who are here...because I get lonely here in NY and am homesick and miss my LA friends, because its the busiest game in town.
> 
> But I have stopped struggling against it. I don't assume that by my contributions of any kind, monetary or non...I own this thing or any part of it. I don't think it owes me anything..and I don't think its looking for my respect. It just is. And I can take it or leave it..and I do, all the time.
> 
> ....Its funny. The female Bullies and Thought Police or whatever the fuck is being labeled onto people who feel comfortable enough to wade in with both feet and say what they feel, regardless... (I have been gone so long I don't even know what COF stands for...that should be fun to look up)...are some of the smartest and likable people here, IMO. I have even been painted with that brush myself a time or two, and know also that there are fine people who play very nice here on the board in spite of personal misgivings. Nature of the beast.
> 
> 
> Perception is.....subjective.
> 
> But yeah. That gets me back to my point, ahem...what can you do? This site is what it is. There will always be people who see it as different things, or what it should be, etc.
> 
> Always.
> 
> All it can do, as a site, is accommodate *or* push out people who fuck with the pool party. Right now, it does both these things, but never completely. Maybe that has to be lived with.


----------



## mossystate

J...T....:kiss2:...perfectly said...perfect


----------



## LillyBBBW

TraciJo67 said:


> Arv, :wubu: @ seeing you posting. And as usual, I'm in full agreement.
> 
> It isn't my intent to bully *anyone*, including the people that I rather obviously dislike. Some will perceive it that way, and depending on whose perception is involved, I will either shrug it off or take it to heart. In this thread, given who has expressed (as per) their (as per) polarized opinions, it's definitely the former. It is interesting to me how those who are the most virilent in how they express themselves cannot see beyond their own noses and take their own behavior into consideration.
> 
> Finally, this topic is pretty much same thing, different day. What more is there to be said? Well, one thing:
> 
> My "sheckles", so to speak, have amounted to several hundred dollars over the course of the last few years, and double that to businesses that advertise at Dims, and I have the Paypal record to prove it. I shouldn't even HAVE to pull that out, since it should be patently obvious to all that the relationship between Conrad's ownership of this site, and those who contribute to it, is symbiotic. There wouldn't BE a Dims without an active, contributing membership. What I find interesting is that those who spew the most about how the site is CONRAD'S and we're all just GUESTS here ... are, for the most part, contributing nothing but ... well. Check out the posting histories, and then double check them against the list of active contributors. Having said that, though: Financial support is only one aspect of our involvement here. Without us ... no Dims. That should be acknowledged, and appreciated.



I actually donate regularly to Dimensions, both through private contributions and patronage to the sites that advertise here. My avatar is small and I've asked not to be brought in to the Clubhouse. I deliberately opted out of these perks because of paranoia. I feared people would point to it as some sort of proof that I'm IN with the in-crowd or part of some elite group that is showed special favor whenever we demand something. At times it seems people believe that anyway so I shudder to think.... 

I gave money to Dimensions because I believe in it and what it does for many of the people here, not because I want to control some form of intellectual property. Donating money here is a foolish thing consdering there are times when I can't even pay my phone bill. Unlike you I have no money in the bank. Were I to lose my job I would be homeless tomorrow but I donate anyway. You should be aware though that 'US' includes a whole lot more than the people who want what you want.


----------



## RedVelvet

mossystate said:


> J...T....:kiss2:...perfectly said...perfect




Well thanks love..

Traci and I, much as I love her, are actually in disagreement about one thing. I don't believe that my money and participation in this site entitles me to a damn thing but access to the site, as it is.

I get to not *like* big ole chunks of what it is, and I don't, but I think of it as utterly "not mine" and I am not owed control.

I CAN and will, if I choose, speak up on occasion, even though I don't expect change because I want it. And when that's not allowed...Well then..I will decide if the site has any value at all for me beyond connection to people I like and the occasional laugh, and act accordingly.

As anyone would do in my position.

Again..I never thought this site was FOR me...it was just...about me and women and men like me.

kinda ...dark, in some ways...but factual.


----------



## TraciJo67

LillyBBBW said:


> I actually donate regularly to Dimensions, both through private contributions and patronage to the sites that advertise here. My avatar is small and I've asked not to be brought in to the Clubhouse. I deliberately opted out of these perks because of paranoia. I feared people would point to it as some sort of proof that I'm IN with the in-crowd or part of some elite group that is showed special favor whenever we demand something. At times it seems people believe that anyway so I shudder to think....
> 
> I gave money to Dimensions because I believe in it and what it does for many of the people here, not because I want to control some form of intellectual property. Donating money here is a foolish thing consdering there are times when I can't even pay my phone bill. Unlike you I have no money in the bank. Were I to lose my job I would be homeless tomorrow but I donate anyway. You should be aware though that 'US' includes a whole lot more than the people who want what you want.




Lilly, please don't read more into what I'm saying. I'm not suggesting that I have a stake of ownership because I contributed to Dimensions. What I am saying is that Dimensions isn't run in a vacuum. Our presence here -- both the financial *and*, more importantly, that we let our 'voices' be heard via our feedback, also keeps the site running.

I am already aware that 'US' includes more than just myself, and those who agree with me. What bothers me is that a small minority seems to be running ramshod over the rest of us ... INCLUDING people who might otherwise be in agreement with them ... if only they'd learn to do exactly as they're suggesting that the rest of us do: Back the hell off once in a while, pay attention to what is actually said rather than what they are defensively assuming, and just frickin' admit to giving that pot an extra stirring once in a while (read: pretty much all the time).


----------



## RedVelvet

TraciJo67 said:


> I am already aware that 'US' includes more than just myself, and those who agree with me. What bothers me is that a small minority seems to be running ramshod over the rest of us ... INCLUDING people who might otherwise be in agreement with them ... if only they'd learn to do exactly as they're suggesting that the rest of us do: Back the hell off once in a while, pay attention to what is actually said rather than what they are defensively assuming, and just frickin' admit to giving that pot an extra stirring once in a while (read: pretty much all the time).



Evenhandedness is so damn hard to come by when it comes to human relations, dammit.

Can't disagree with you there, mon chere.


----------



## Shosh

LillyBBBW said:


> I actually donate regularly to Dimensions, both through private contributions and patronage to the sites that advertise here. My avatar is small and I've asked not to be brought in to the Clubhouse. I deliberately opted out of these perks because of paranoia. I feared people would point to it as some sort of proof that I'm IN with the in-crowd or part of some elite group that is showed special favor whenever we demand something. At times it seems people believe that anyway so I shudder to think....
> 
> I gave money to Dimensions because I believe in it and what it does for many of the people here, not because I want to control some form of intellectual property. Donating money here is a foolish thing consdering there are times when I can't even pay my phone bill. Unlike you I have no money in the bank. Were I to lose my job I would be homeless tomorrow but I donate anyway. You should be aware though that 'US' includes a whole lot more than the people who want what you want.



I contribute financially, and am a Clubhouse member, but I hardly ever post or even read there.
I prefer to post out on the main boards.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Thank you Lilly - I agree completely.




LillyBBBW said:


> I've been a member of Dimensions since before it was a vBulletin site, plus I was a subscriber to the print magazine when it was in circulation. I was on the old weight board with occasional posts on the main board before the conversion to this site. To me it was always clear what kind of site this was. I wasn't sure where anyone was getting the impression that this was a strictly SA site. Maybe this site is presented in a link from somewhere that leads people to believe that it is. People discuss issues of SA here but I always thought that was natural. I'm just wondering if there is some banner or mission statement somewhere that would cause someone to be mislead. To me all of this seemed plain and understood but maybe it was taken for granted due to my history with Dimensions.


----------



## joswitch

LillyBBBW said:


> I actually donate regularly to Dimensions, both through private contributions and patronage to the sites that advertise here. My avatar is small and I've asked not to be brought in to the Clubhouse. I deliberately opted out of these perks because of paranoia. I feared people would point to it as some sort of proof that I'm IN with the in-crowd or part of some elite group that is showed special favor whenever we demand something. At times it seems people believe that anyway so I shudder to think....
> 
> I gave money to Dimensions because I believe in it and what it does for many of the people here, not because I want to control some form of intellectual property. Donating money here is a foolish thing consdering there are times when I can't even pay my phone bill. Unlike you I have no money in the bank. Were I to lose my job I would be homeless tomorrow but I donate anyway. *You should be aware though that 'US' includes a whole lot more than the people who want what you want.*



Couldn't rep. ya ... so :bow:


----------



## joswitch

TraciJo67 said:


> Lilly, please don't read more into what I'm saying. I'm not suggesting that I have a stake of ownership because I contributed to Dimensions. What I am saying is that Dimensions isn't run in a vacuum. Our presence here -- both the financial *and*, more importantly, that we let our 'voices' be heard via our feedback, also keeps the site running.



I've been around DIMS since what '95? '96? and I've seen the posting population of the boards "turn over" (almost) completely several times... people come and go... 

This idea that if a certain couple of dozen folks decided to pack their bags and leave then the place would fold? Nope. There's rank upon serried rank of webbers waiting to post in your place... Take a look at how many people pass through here each day... more to the point - try and count up the number of posts and posters who say they don't post here for fear of being stamped on... All those people would move in to fill the vacuum left behind... 

Folks need to stop kidding themselves that they're the pillars that support DIMS.... Be you donors or otherwise...


----------



## KHayes666

Miss Vickie said:


> Is your argument seriously, "they did it first"? Seriously?? Are we all six years old? Even if what you claim is true (and I've been called a member of the CoF and I have never insulted anyone's lifestyle choices so I know it's not true), that doesn't make it right. Insults breed insults, and make things tense for everyone (something I'm all too aware of as a member of HP).



Ah yes, the two wrongs don't make a right argument. While that is true, the fact remains that certain posters continue to hurl insults and the only damn way it seems to get them to shut up is to fight back. Simply ignoring them gives them the notion that they can get away with insulting people, which is why things have gotten as bad as they have. I've read your posts and you have a lot of positivity to bring to the site, and to the best of my knowledge you aren't one of the types that will harrass the boards and posters. Which brings me to the next point:




Miss Vickie said:


> To what are you referring, Kevin? Are certain parts of the board off limits to people? And if so, why? I personally don't hang on the weight board because I'm not into feeding but does that mean I'm not allowed to read, or post? If I notice a thread or post that's abusive to women (or a woman) am I not allowed to express my feelings about it? Do you really just want us to shut up and go away if we disagree with you?



Lets say a topic on a board was anal sex and you don't have a very good opinion on it, there's a difference in saying "Not my cup of tea, but if that's your kink then I'm not going to say anything" and "Anal sex is for weirdos, and people are misogynists for forcing their partners into having it or even fantasizing about having it" THAT'S the kind of shit I and others have had to put up with for so long and finally its begun to stop. There is such a thing of having a different opinion and insulting someone elses, and that's where the line has to be drawn. This isn't directed at you personally, but generally what I'm saying is if you don't like feederism, fine....but don't make sarcastic eye rolls at other posters who are into it or say "I can't fathom anyone liking this"





Miss Vickie said:


> (Bolded for emphasis) Really? Why should Traci leave a thread, when you and others have stayed and thrown your own verbal insults? Because her presence and opinions, which she dares to express, are a thorn in your side? If you're so strong in your beliefs as a feeder, why care what someone far far away thinks about what you do? Does it really matter?



Sometimes certain posters have no business on threads. I'm a straight thin male meaning I have no business being on the LBTQ board and I rarely go on the FFA/BHM board. Who the hell am I to barge on those boards and saying what kind of conduct is proper? If Escapist says he loves being 500 pounds and its an awesome experience, I have no business arguing otherwise. What others have done is repeatedly going to boards and threads about feederism, fetishes and other topics they have admitted to not enjoying and put either the fetish down or the poster down. Which brings me back to my second point, there's a difference in having a different opinion and making someone feel bad for liking something not common.

I swear I read on another thread that you're a nurse, so I trust you know all about what's healthy and what's not, so let me ask you something rhetorical. When someone is living a medically unhealthy lifestyle, do you tell that person politely that they should change their ways or do you go out of your way to make someone feel bad? I know for a fact you wouldn't make someone feel bad, but there are others out there who are doing it on a daily basis around here. THAT'S where the drama comes in, THAT'S where I put up my hand and say when someone shouldn't belong on a thread and THAT'S where the fight comes from. Different opinions are one thing, insults are another....and sometimes the only way to stop someone is to fight fire with fire.


----------



## tonynyc

joswitch said:


> I've been around DIMS since what '95? '96? and I've seen the posting population of the boards "turn over" (almost) completely several times... people come and go...
> 
> This idea that if a certain couple of dozen folks decided to pack their bags and leave then the place would fold? Nope. *There's rank upon serried rank of webbers waiting to post in your place...* Take a look at how many people pass through here each day... more to the point - try and count up the number of posts and posters who say they don't post here for fear of being stamped on... All those people would move in to fill the vacuum left behind...
> 
> *Folks need to stop kidding themselves that they're the pillars that support DIMS.... Be you donors or otherwise...*



So true... Dims would continue on...


----------



## TraciJo67

joswitch said:


> I've been around DIMS since what '95? '96? and I've seen the posting population of the boards "turn over" (almost) completely several times... people come and go...
> 
> This idea that if a certain couple of dozen folks decided to pack their bags and leave then the place would fold? Nope. There's rank upon serried rank of webbers waiting to post in your place... Take a look at how many people pass through here each day... more to the point - try and count up the number of posts and posters who say they don't post here for fear of being stamped on... All those people would move in to fill the vacuum left behind...
> 
> Folks need to stop kidding themselves that they're the pillars that support DIMS.... Be you donors or otherwise...



Jo, please point out where I suggested anything even vaguely resembling the response that you've given. Point of fact, I agree with you: Dims is a phenomenon unto itself, bigger than any individual member, and bigger than the webmaster himself. And yes, if I got fed up and packed my e-bags and moved on today, not one thing would change. Additionally, nothing much would change even if the people whom I dislike were to leave. The problems inherent with this site are deeper than any one person, or even any dozens of people, as well. 

I hardly believe myself to be ANY kind of pillar. As I have written several times, I feel emotionally vested in Dims. Just as, no doubt, you do. That doesn't mean I possess the arrogance to believe that I'm a hugely important member, or that my presence carries value to anyone but ME. 

Point of fact, what you're saying pretty much feeds into what I've already said re: who Dims "belongs" to.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

joswitch said:


> I've been around DIMS since what '95? '96? and *I've seen the posting population of the boards "turn over" (almost) completely several times... people come and go... *
> This idea that if a certain couple of dozen folks decided to pack their bags and leave then the place would fold? Nope. There's rank upon serried rank of webbers waiting to post in your place... Take a look at how many people pass through here each day... more to the point - try and count up the number of posts and posters who say they don't post here for fear of being stamped on... All those people would move in to fill the vacuum left behind...
> 
> *Folks need to stop kidding themselves that they're the pillars that support DIMS.... Be you donors or otherwise...*




I've been around these boards for so long I can't even remember not having Dimensions a part of my life - online and in print. People come and go - I come and go. It is the way it is here. The ONLY pillar of support here that I know of is Conrad. He has given his time, money and heart to this place. All the rest who think the place would die without them - need a reality check.


----------



## tonynyc

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I've been around these boards for so long I can't even remember not having Dimensions a part of my life - online and in print. People come and go - I come and go. It is the way it is here. *The ONLY pillar of support here that I know of is Conrad. He has given his time, money and heart to this place. All the rest who think the place would die without them - need a reality check*.



Very true Sandie


----------



## James

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I've been around these boards for so long I can't even remember not having Dimensions a part of my life - online and in print. People come and go - I come and go. It is the way it is here. The ONLY pillar of support here that I know of is Conrad. He has given his time, *money* and heart to this place. All the rest who think the place would die without them - need a reality check.



Indeed. And I won't say how much exactly because, although I've been told, its certainly not my business to say... but the amounts of money are really *very *significant. I'm sure that all donations are very gratefully received but they don't cover the lion's share of the expenses.


----------



## RedVelvet

An Aside:


I'm not sure if having anal sex is an equivalent to feeding someone to the point of altering a person's body (most likely) permanently, and _possibly_ endangering their mobility, health, etc. Actually, I am positive it isn't.

BUT.....and its a big but (heh)....*fantasizing* about them (Either feeding, or anal sex or both) is equivalent. Cuz, you know..its _FANTASY._

So..the argument using anal sex as a comparison to feederism isn't really valid once it moves out of the realm of fantasy. 

I think its the reality of it that scares people not into it. Fantasy is fantasy. Some of its fucking disturbing, but I have right disturbing uberdark fantasies of my own. People who freak out over feederism are picturing dark scenarios involving people with low self esteem getting into a bad physical place with someone because they are trying to hold on to their love.

Maybe that happens..but its got to be a truly tiny number statistically. Most feeders, I think, when ACTING OUT fantasy would be appalled to think that it wasn't entirely and erotically consensual.

It's just so fucking scary that it becomes a BIG filter through which people see all feederism ...this is myself included...I'm utterly repulsed by it, but you see...I get to say that right?....

(I also love to be tied up and have horrible things done to me, and there are many that find that repulsive, and they even get to say so RIGHT TO MY FACE without me getting upset. I don't know why someone's repulsion to my sexuality doesn't phase me in the least..even when someone freaks out.....it's not as if I am not thin skinned and a big hypocrite...as I most surely am. But somehow, I am comfortable enough in my sexuality that total freakouts about my kinks are just kinda...meh! BDSM is far more mainstream than feederism, tis true...but if you really explored it, it can be just as dark as you can imagine.)

Just as dark as the stuff I have seen here. oh yes.

So, I keep my freakouts regarding the feeding stuff in check with the idea that the dark stuff I see here is, most likely, fantasy, and if acted out, consensual.

...and they won't want me as a lover, and I won't want them, and la de da!

I still get to say its icky somewhere, right? On my personal blog, maybe? SOMEWHERE, right? Because whilst I wouldnt dream of invading someones "safe place" to explore the fantasy, for example, of stuffing someone into immobility out loud and in a forum...I am hoping there will always be space to react to it...in safety.

Maybe that doesn't get to be here. Trying to figure that out.

wow..I am rambling tonight.


BACK TO TOPIC..sorry.


----------



## escapist

joswitch said:


> I've been around DIMS since what '95? '96? and I've seen the posting population of the boards "turn over" (almost) completely several times... people come and go...
> 
> This idea that if a certain couple of dozen folks decided to pack their bags and leave then the place would fold? Nope. There's rank upon serried rank of webbers waiting to post in your place... Take a look at how many people pass through here each day... more to the point - try and count up the number of posts and posters who say they don't post here for fear of being stamped on... All those people would move in to fill the vacuum left behind...
> 
> Folks need to stop kidding themselves that they're the pillars that support DIMS.... Be you donors or otherwise...



This is something I wanted to point out myself. Even from an advertising perspective with 21340 Daily Pageview's I'm fairly certain some enterprising person would be more than excited to take advantage of it. Even on a .05 Ad click through rate that's 1067 clicks per day. With that kind of daily traffic, there are a number of income generating methods the site could be utilized.



KHayes666 said:


> Ah yes, the two wrongs don't make a right argument. While that is true, *the fact remains that certain posters continue to hurl insults and the only damn way it seems to get them to shut up is to fight back. Simply ignoring them gives them the notion that they can get away with insulting people, which is why things have gotten as bad as they have*. I've read your posts and you have a lot of positivity to bring to the site, and to the best of my knowledge you aren't one of the types that will harrass the boards and posters. Which brings me to the next point:



Something I myself have had to deal with on far too many occasions. There are so many times I wish I could say nothing, but even that just feels wrong. Kind of like letting a child misbehave, and not reprimanding him. As of late, in order keep the threads clear of misdirected off-topic-banter I do my best to encourage such post to be made in PM where they belong. My person favorites are the ones that make an attempted to paint another as a fool. It is very much like grade schooler yelling, "Your a stupid doody-head!"


----------



## joswitch

TraciJo67 said:


> Jo, *please point out where I suggested anything even vaguely resembling the response that you've given.* Point of fact, I agree with you: Dims is a phenomenon unto itself, bigger than any individual member, and bigger than the webmaster himself. And yes, if I got fed up and packed my e-bags and moved on today, not one thing would change. Additionally, nothing much would change even if the people whom I dislike were to leave. The problems inherent with this site are deeper than any one person, or even any dozens of people, as well.
> 
> I hardly believe myself to be ANY kind of pillar. As I have written several times, I feel emotionally vested in Dims. Just as, no doubt, you do. That doesn't mean I possess the arrogance to believe that I'm a hugely important member, or that my presence carries value to anyone but ME.
> 
> Point of fact, what you're saying pretty much feeds into what I've already said re: who Dims "belongs" to.



OK, maybe that's not what you meant to convey with your posts, but it sure was how they read... I could go back and cut/paste, TJ, but although your posts tipped my response I'm not really interested in getting into a blow-for-blow-prove-a-point-with-you.... 

because -

I was (also) addressing a much wider trend where people often talk about "DIMS would be finished if 'the community' left!!" (for instance)... when what they really, clearly mean is "DIMS would be finished if 'I / WE' left!!"


----------



## TraciJo67

joswitch said:


> I was (also) addressing a much wider trend where people often talk about "DIMS would be finished if 'the community' left!!" (for instance)... when what they really, clearly mean is "DIMS would be finished if 'I / WE' left!!"



Believe me on this, Jo: I'm not arrogant enough to believe that Dims would even SHRUG if I left the community. In fact, some would applaud (as I would, situation reversed ... while wiping away tears of joy, no less). This isn't about "I", with exception to the fact that I was using myself as an example ... the only point that I was trying to make is that I'm sick and freakin' tired of hearing the "All Hail Conrad" as a way to shut people up when Conrad is only one element of what makes this site what it is. Props to him for starting it, for financially supporting it, for all of his blood, sweat 'n tears. Really. I mean that. But at some point, people (the general here) lay the hero worship aside and allow everyone to feel that they can and should have a voice here too. Without US -- all of us, not just the kewl kids or the ... Dims would be an electronic version of a ghost town. Cue tumbleweeds. As I said before, the relationship is symbiotic.


----------



## joswitch

RedVelvet said:


> An Aside:
> 
> 
> I'm not sure if having anal sex is an equivalen*t to feeding someone to the point of altering a person's body (most likely) permanently, and possibly endangering their mobility, health, etc*. Actually, I am positive it isn't.
> 
> BUT.....and its a big but (heh)....*fantasizing* about them (Either feeding, or anal sex or both) is equivalent. Cuz, you know..its _FANTASY._
> 
> So..the argument using anal sex as a comparison to feederism isn't really valid once it moves out of the realm of fantasy.
> 
> I think its the reality of it that scares people not into it. Fantasy is fantasy. Some of its fucking disturbing, but I have right disturbing uberdark fantasies of my own. People who freak out over feederism are picturing dark scenarios involving people with low self esteem getting into a bad physical place with someone because they are trying to hold on to their love.
> 
> Maybe that happens..but its got to be a truly tiny number statistically. Most feeders, I think, when ACTING OUT fantasy would be appalled to think that it wasn't entirely and erotically consensual.
> 
> It's just so fucking scary that it becomes a BIG filter through which people see all feederism ...this is myself included...I'm utterly repulsed by it, but you see...I get to say that right?....
> 
> (I also love to be tied up and have horrible things done to me, and there are many that find that repulsive, and they even get to say so RIGHT TO MY FACE without me getting upset. I don't know why someone's repulsion to my sexuality doesn't phase me in the least..even when someone freaks out.....it's not as if I am not thin skinned and a big hypocrite...as I most surely am. But somehow, I am comfortable enough in my sexuality that total freakouts about my kinks are just kinda...meh! BDSM is far more mainstream than feederism, tis true...but if you really explored it, it can be just as dark as you can imagine.)
> 
> Just as dark as the stuff I have seen here. oh yes.
> 
> So, I keep my freakouts regarding the feeding stuff in check with the idea that the dark stuff I see here is, most likely, fantasy, and if acted out, consensual.
> 
> ...and they won't want me as a lover, and I won't want them, and la de da!
> 
> I still get to say its icky somewhere, right? On my personal blog, maybe? SOMEWHERE, right? Because whilst I wouldnt dream of invading someones "safe place" to explore the fantasy, for example, of stuffing someone into immobility out loud and in a forum...I am hoping there will always be space to react to it...in safety.
> 
> Maybe that doesn't get to be here. Trying to figure that out.
> 
> wow..I am rambling tonight.



I bolded your first bit, here's an aside to your aside -

Why, do you think, that the societal stereotype of BDSM is silk scarves, maybe a bit of leather and some spanking...
Whereas the societal stereotype of feedism - isn't say - a few donuts, some ice cream and really great sex, but instead is the MaXimum Extreeem fed-to-immobility version???

I think it might be something to do with ooooh, you know - 
the widespread societal hatred of fat?? Which leads to the preprogrammed chatter > "ObViously anyone who's a feeder MUST be some kind of fucking monster, cos how else could they *ewww* love *that*, and it's like, not healthy! he just wants to control you girl! It's abusive! and what about the.. blahblahblah"

I like a bit of BDSM AND I'm a feeder... OMG!!!  clearly, I'm a food-based serial killer!!!  Look out world! I have ropes! and a riding crop! and CAKE!


----------



## joswitch

TraciJo67 said:


> Believe me on this, Jo: I'm not arrogant enough to believe that Dims would even SHRUG if I left the community. In fact, some would applaud (as I would, situation reversed ... while wiping away tears of joy, no less). This isn't about "I", with exception to the fact that I was using myself as an example ... the only point that I was trying to make is that I'm sick and freakin' tired of hearing the "All Hail Conrad" as a way to shut people up when Conrad is only one element of what makes this site what it is. Props to him for starting it, for financially supporting it, for all of his blood, sweat 'n tears. Really. I mean that. But at some point, people (the general here) lay the hero worship aside and allow everyone to feel that they can and should have a voice here too. Without US -- all of us, not just the kewl kids or the ... Dims would be an electronic version of a ghost town. Cue tumbleweeds. As I said before, the relationship is symbiotic.



Yeeeeahh, but to paraphrase my point:

He has built it... And they have come... And they will keep on coming... and coming...


----------



## tonynyc

James said:


> Indeed. And I won't say how much exactly because, although I've been told, its certainly not my business to say... but the amounts of money are really *very *significant. I'm sure that all donations are very gratefully received but they don't cover the lion's share of the expenses.



*K*inda gives the impression that DIMS is a publicy held company and we all have our hefty shares of "FAT STOCKS" .... but, yes those donations don't even cover the lion's share of expenses ( Conrad's time - the various Mod's time- technical issues ) etc. etc.


----------



## RedVelvet

joswitch said:


> I bolded your first bit, here's an aside to your aside -
> 
> Why, do you think, that the societal stereotype of BDSM is silk scarves, maybe a bit of leather and some spanking...
> Whereas the societal stereotype of feedism - isn't say - a few donuts, some ice cream and really great sex, but instead is the MaXimum Extreeem fed-to-immobility version???
> 
> I think it might be something to do with ooooh, you know -
> the widespread societal hatred of fat?? Which leads to the preprogrammed chatter > "ObViously anyone who's a feeder MUST be some kind of fucking monster, cos how else could they *ewww* love *that*, and it's like, not healthy! he just wants to control you girl! It's abusive! and what about the.. blahblahblah"
> 
> I like a bit of BDSM AND I'm a feeder... OMG!!!  clearly, I'm a food-based serial killer!!!  Look out world! I have ropes! and a riding crop! and CAKE!





This isn't the place to argue what is "healthy" physically. That subject is vast.

I'm not sure if I agree with your argument. I have met PLENTY of people who, when thinking of BDSM, don't think of silk scarves and tickling and spanking..they think of pain, heavy bondage, subjugation of women, humiliation, etc..and they go there FIRST. Also, as someone who has been in the BDSM scene and rather heavily, for 20+ years..I can tell you that all those things occur with much stronger regularity than the extreme fantasies here. They HAPPEN, and they happen consensually, in the real world, I am thinking statistically a lot more often than most fantasies on the weight boards. So, you know..more fodder for angry reactions to it.

MANY times I have had this experience. Many.

So, ...your argument (based on your experience) doesn't hold for me, based on my experience.

But you are right in that the stigma of fat makes the idea of growing VERY scary for some...and hence their reaction. BUT.

But I was speaking from a purely "wow, if I grew more, and as a result felt physically uncomfortable and less able to get around..that would be scary for me" point of view...a feeling many fat people feel. 

I'm thinking that you have never been fat...If I am wrong, I apologize. But living in a fat body is different from liking one a whole lot, as I am sure you understand.


----------



## RedVelvet

Also..I apologize for the small Hijack.

Jos, if you wanna keep talking on this..we can go to PM or another board, but I wanna get off this thread with this, as its so far away from the original subject.

Sorry folks.


----------



## jenboo

tonynyc said:


> Very true Sandie



I think it is important to remember that Conrad has chosen to be the web master, to put his money and time into Dimensions, he has not been forced to do so and if he ever chooses to quit doing it then again that is his choice.


----------



## Santaclear

jenboo said:


> I think it is important to remember that Conrad has chosen to be the web master, to put his money and time into Dimensions, he has not been forced to do so and if he ever chooses to quit doing it then again that is his choice.



Sure, up to a point, but so what?

This thread seems pretty much antithetical (starting strongly with the first post) to any and all feelings of community or neighborliness.

Basically the thread is about who Dimensions ISN'T for. Um, great. Why celebrate negativity?


----------



## tonynyc

Santaclear said:


> Sure, but so what?
> 
> This thread seems pretty much antithetical (starting strongly with the first post) to any and all feelings of community or neighborliness.



*A*hhh but Santa ... think about this... in some wierd twisted way Conrad has gotten folks of diverse opinions (who may or may not be off in their own respective forums) to at least converse with one another *in this thread* (folks don't have to agree) -but, at least the dialogue has been civil.


*And from seeing other Forums I can say this

"Dimensions is never ever boring... It's a Smorgasbord of SA"

In the end- you get what you want out of Dims .. good,bad or otherwise...
*


----------



## Santaclear

tonynyc said:


> Damn typo... title should have said
> 
> *"This ain't No Pastrami Sandwich"*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *A*hhh but Santa ... think about this... in some wierd twisted way Conrad has gotten folks of diverse opinions (who may or may not be off in their own respective forums) to at least converse with one another *in this thread* (folks don't have to agree) -but, at least the dialogue has been civil.



Well, mostly civil. I don't think telling people to GTFO is civil. 

(You can fix the post title in editing by going to "advanced."


----------



## Ernest Nagel

Santaclear said:


> Sure, up to a point, but so what?
> 
> This thread seems pretty much antithetical (starting strongly with the first post) to any and all feelings of community or neighborliness.
> 
> Basically the thread is about who Dimensions ISN'T for. Um, great. *Why celebrate negativity?*



C'mon, Russ! This country was founded on negativity! F*ck the Brits, oppress the natives, desecrate the environment and screw unto those before they get the chance to screw you. If you can't at least go along to get along you've got it wrong.  

Srsly, it seems to me Conrad is OK with dissent. He's just a little (somewhat justifiably) possessive and territorial about people conscripting Dimensions for their own agendas without any regard for the original intent. I honestly hope he'll correct and excuse me if I'm wrong about that.


----------



## tonynyc

Santaclear said:


> Well, mostly civil. I don't think telling people to GTFO is civil.
> 
> (You can fix the post title in editing by going to "advanced."



Thanks for the tip... :bow:

True ... I always thought that STFU had it's own charm













*However, this seems to cover both bases....*


----------



## katorade

joswitch said:


> I bolded your first bit, here's an aside to your aside -
> 
> Why, do you think, that the societal stereotype of BDSM is silk scarves, maybe a bit of leather and some spanking...
> Whereas the societal stereotype of feedism - isn't say - a few donuts, some ice cream and really great sex, but instead is the MaXimum Extreeem fed-to-immobility version???
> 
> I think it might be something to do with ooooh, you know -
> the widespread societal hatred of fat?? Which leads to the preprogrammed chatter > "ObViously anyone who's a feeder MUST be some kind of fucking monster, cos how else could they *ewww* love *that*, and it's like, not healthy! he just wants to control you girl! It's abusive! and what about the.. blahblahblah"
> 
> I like a bit of BDSM AND I'm a feeder... OMG!!!  clearly, I'm a food-based serial killer!!!  Look out world! I have ropes! and a riding crop! and CAKE!



Jo, take your post and then think about this site's attitudes towards SA and how it's an afterthought to the sexuality. Even those who know only fringe information about the BDSM community are usually aware of the "safety first" attitude that abounds because of the necessity from the public eye. 

BDSM used to be scary and in some cases, prohibited. It wasn't until the public was able to be reassured by those who play that safety and the well-being of participants was of the utmost importance and that having a good time was secondary, and that irresponsible or harmful behavior was actually the minority and was frowned upon did BDSM become widely accepted, and for some activities, fairly common place.

Until the outside world is aware of the same about some of the sexual activities prevalent in the FA world, it's going to continue to be thought about as taboo and shunned by anyone that doesn't understand or CARE to find out. If that's what this board wants, then that's fine, too. Just don't expect people to give you an inch when you're constantly tugging at their rope.


----------



## Tina

LillyBBBW said:


> I've been a member of Dimensions since before it was a vBulletin site, plus I was a subscriber to the print magazine when it was in circulation. I was on the old weight board with occasional posts on the main board before the conversion to this site. To me it was always clear what kind of site this was. I wasn't sure where anyone was getting the impression that this was a strictly SA site. Maybe this site is presented in a link from somewhere that leads people to believe that it is. People discuss issues of SA here but I always thought that was natural. I'm just wondering if there is some banner or mission statement somewhere that would cause someone to be mislead. To me all of this seemed plain and understood but maybe it was taken for granted due to my history with Dimensions.



I have to confess that due to the nature of time constraints I have not read all, or even most, of the posts in this thread, but in skimming I saw your post, Lilly, and I have a perspective. It's just one perspective -- mine, but anyway...

I think that going back, way back, when there were just a few boards, the Main board carried more weight. First on the list, and pretty active. It used to, and still does, have a purpose of discussing issues of weight viewed through the lends of fat politics, social issues, living in a fat body, fat acceptance, size acceptance, et al. Many of us who have been posting here for a number of years (going on 11 years here), there have been political alerts, letter-writing campaigns, and fat activism threads. These things tend to let a person know that Dimensions is at least partly about fat activism. But then one goes to another board and it's also about something else.

Many people have tunnel vision here: IOW, they focus on the parts of the boards that they like and can relate to and try to block out the parts that they have a hard time reconciling or living with (I've personally done a certain amount of that myself). Sometimes there's a bleed-over that can make that difficult. When we love a place we want it to keep being the place we love and not change. I think that's normal human nature. Someone else may define it differently than we do, but still we want it to continue on as we've enjoyed it.

So I think it has so much to do with how enough fat activism has been discussed, for long enough, and in enough threads over the years that some see Dimensions as being a fat activist site even though that was never the original intention, although it has been welcome.

Personally, I see no problem with the sexual aspect of Dimensions. I think it makes it a more encompassing site that fills a number of needs, though there have been some things here that have disturbed me and grossed me out, I basically just tend to stay away from those areas. I will say that it's some of that stuff that prevents me from sending the link to those who I believe could benefit from the activist and self-acceptance aspect of Dims, but who would run for the hills after seeing some of the other things. I believe that a number of those who come here for the more sexual and fetish aspect would like it to be all that and nothing else; and that there are also some who come here for the size acceptance/fat acceptance/activist posts and info would like for the sexual aspect to disappear. I don't see any of that happening, frankly, and feel that as moderators the best we can do is to, as much as we're able, keep threads and posts in their respective areas.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

jenboo said:


> _I think it is important to remember that Conrad has chosen to be the web master, to put his money and time into Dimensions, he has not been forced to do so and if he ever chooses to quit doing it then again that is his_ choice.



I strongly disagree. Sometimes in peoples lives they do something because they have to. It's a calling or they seem compelled to do it - even not knowing why. I have always felt that was how Conrad felt about Dimensions. In spite of all the grief, anger, frustration he has dealt with because of this place - he does it anyway.

Seems to me it a LOT more than just choosing to do something. A LOT MORE.


----------



## katorade

Tina said:


> I will say that it's some of that stuff that prevents me from sending the link to those who I believe could benefit from the activist and self-acceptance aspect of Dims, but who would run for the hills after seeing some of the other things. I believe that a number of those who come here for the more sexual and fetish aspect would like it to be all that and nothing else; and that there are also some who come here for the size acceptance/fat acceptance/activist posts and info would like for the sexual aspect to disappear. I don't see any of that happening, frankly, and feel that as moderators the best we can do is to, as much as we're able, keep threads and posts in their respective areas.





This is why I've often said that this site needs to define itself as either one or the other, and that the two cannot, in fact, coexist peacefully in the sense of forum politics. In real life, yes, they can. But forums typically dictate one sole focus, and then form an umbrella over sub-forums. This is the only forum I've ever been on that seems to think it can operate in a separatist manner. Like you said, that obviously doesn't work when you have to exclude people from the whole when you want them to see just a part.


----------



## Paquito

A clusterfuck of emotions.


----------



## escapist

I really don't get what the problem is. Why is there a compelling need to have the forums defined any way other than the way they have been? Do some feel they can not express themselves to the world without this site? Do you truly feel that a change in focus or direction would truly impact who you are, or the message you bring to the universe? 

I find this site a great place to meet FA/FFA's and discuss a wide variety topics pertaining to "Livin' Large". Sure the occasional creepy comment happens, but it happens in real life too thats just life. Hell I live and deal with some, shall way say interesting FA behaviors, on a daily basis. I've also seen how just being around me an FA has truly started to understand some of the harder more sensitive sides of being a Super Sized person. Thus, without a single word from me, creating more size awareness in the world.

I know for many FA/FFA's this site means so very much to them being able to meet other like minded. People who are normally mocked, and ridiculed for their size preference.

I simply see no reason for non-coexistence. If there are people on the boards thinking they need to change others or how they see the world just remember: The slow trickle of a single drop of water over a thousand years can do more to change a mountain than 100 sticks of dynamite.


----------



## thatgirl08

My question is.. why do you stay? If you don't like Dims or what it stands for.. why? Why wouldn't you just maintain the friendships you've made here in another venue if the site itself isn't representative of something you want to be part of?


----------



## lovelocs

escapist said:


> I fail to see why people who are disagreeable to a thing, continue to participate unless they simply enjoy the fight. I would love to see the negativity go away but for some they actually troll the board for conflicts to join in. Often this is most obvious when they are suddenly posting in threads or topics they know nothing about only to later find out they were in the wrong because they didn't even bother to read the conversation or think of that it was the appropriate place for the discussion.
> 
> If you don't like something perhaps the best thing you can do is PM. Why try to devalue others on a public forum via ridicule, name calling, and whatever else? I am aware its unrealistic to think its going to stop but I also know some people here wait for others to push their buttons; they just itch for the opportunity to pounce on ANY Topic, Post, or Thread, then cry they are the intelligent ones on the moral high ground.
> 
> 
> Side note to some of this: The idea that making a donation would give me some sort of voice in another persons business is absolutely ridiculous unless it was more than just a donation and I was explicitly told the donation would give me the right to have some sort of quantifiable outcome on the choices the company or business would take. Perhaps my logic is wrong next time the Salvation Army is ringing bells outside of Walmart I'm gonna make sure I ask if I get a voice in the Universal Christian Church's policy's and procedures if I make said donation to the Salvation Army Branch.



And I can't even rep you. Somebody hit 'em one time for me, please.


----------



## TotallyReal




----------



## RedVelvet

thatgirl08 said:


> My question is.. why do you stay? If you don't like Dims or what it stands for.. why? Why wouldn't you just maintain the friendships you've made here in another venue if the site itself isn't representative of something you want to be part of?



Not a lot of vibrant, active forums for and about fat folk. And there are quality people here.


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## jenboo

Santaclear said:


> Sure, up to a point, but so what?
> 
> This thread seems pretty much antithetical (starting strongly with the first post) to any and all feelings of community or neighborliness.
> 
> Basically the thread is about who Dimensions ISN'T for. Um, great. Why celebrate negativity?



I was making the point that this place is about choice. Risk and Reward. If those who own the site decide that the reward is more appealing than the risk there is no need to commend them. If one chooses to put money here, great, but I am not going to praise someone for doing so. It's choice. This site is not about altruism and the people who are here are not here for the greater good, they are here for themselves.

If you find this to be negative and non neighbourly then I guess that is your choice. Get it choice?


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Dimensions is like any widespread, global online community: It evolves, it adapts, it overcomes, and not in a Gunny Highway sort of fashion. Regardless of what many of us feel it is and how we get enjoyment from it, I would not in good conscience feel comfortable about recommending Dimensions to just anyone for precisely the reasons alluded to earlier: Many aspects of the general public are either in the closet about fat acceptance or fat admiration, or do consider almost every aspect of this site catering to an extremist fat fetish of some kind. In any cross-section of the men I know, few would openly consider themselves lovers of a bigger womanly form, and prefer to cater to the traditional swimsuit models stereotype. They can have Kate Moss, I'll take Christina Hendricks, thankyouverymuch.

It is also the polarity here that makes the site work, as well as brings about problems. Some people hit various aspects of this site with the maximum amount of vitriol they can muster, others defend it like some sycophantic Statue of Liberty:

_With widened hips, give me your plump, your bored,
Your dimpled asses yearning to eat cheese,
The blessed obese to be scorned no more,
Send these, the horndogs, tossing off to me,
I lift my fork beside the Golden Corral's door!_

With all apologies to Emma Lazarus aside, I keep coming back here because like many others, I've made friends here, found like-minded intellectuals and people I enjoy reading about. I've had excellent debates, have found videos that have brought me hours of YouTube enjoyment, I get to rehash my pop culture eclecticism. I've also shaken my head at some of the scarily sub-human ideas floating around among the menfolk, have seen gigabytes of painfully pedantic political cartoons whose waste of bandwidth makes me question just how "green" the whole process may be. I've wondered continually at the absurdity of some pro-size issues that are as unusual and/or unhealthy as the opposing side's obsession with perfection and better body through surgery and extreme dieting.

My point is this: Don't fix what ain't broke. Although some areas have suffered due to our Webmaster's preferences, by and large the site has operated relatively under control for many years. There are people who will turn a raised Spock eyebrow to this site just as they would someone's enjoyment of World of Warcraft or Facebook or Twitter or whatever Internet community they decry as sick or wrong or bizarre as they ride off in the Failboat of misunderstanding.


----------



## lovelocs

I'm a relatively new member, and I did a little of observing of group rules and personalities before posting. Mainly, I did this because I really, truly, don't like drama, and only post when I have a point to make, or something fun to share. 

While certain areas may pertain more to my interests (fat sexuality and ffa) I really don't feel as if there are any areas of this site where I "have no business." I may wander off anywhere, and if I don't like the content or the tone of the posts, I leave. It's more about finding what I like, than rooting out what I don't. Once again, I observe the unwritten rules and dynamics. The only way I'd violate that policy is if online drama became my main source of free entertainment.

With that being said, I don't see why there should be any more of a division of Dimensions than already exists. There are clearly demarcated forums, and you can choose to participate in any one you want. I haven't run into any bait and switch yet (for example, I think I'm posting in Hyde Park and wind up tied up and force fed hohoes until I explode).

Just me.


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## LoveBHMS

thatgirl08 said:


> My question is.. why do you stay? If you don't like Dims or what it stands for.. why? Why wouldn't you just maintain the friendships you've made here in another venue if the site itself isn't representative of something you want to be part of?



Listen honey. If you're gonna be so young you just need to quit being all rational and shit. Nobody likes that.

Lol.

Great point even though I can't rep you.


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## Mathias

LoveBHMS said:


> Listen honey. If you're gonna be so young you just need to quit being all rational and shit. Nobody likes that.
> 
> Lol.
> 
> Great point even though I can't rep you.



I got her for you, Loves! I've met quite a few awesome people here who I've leaned alot from. Without this place I wouldn't have found the courage to come out of the FA closet and I'm glad I found this place. Around the time I joined here I found fantasy feeder as well. I didn't like it compared to Dims, but I didn't complain about how much the site isn't aligned with what I personally believe or don't and still continued to post there. That seems hypocritical IMO so I left. So... why does that keep happening here? Frankly, if you aren't having a good time at the party. Don't just sit there and complain that things aren't going the way you think they should. Try throwing your own for a change then you can do things the way you want.


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## LovelyLiz

I really appreciated your perspective here, Supero, and thought it could stand to be repeated (your whole post had some great things - but I just took out a chunk and bolded a couple of the main points). And it seemed an interesting juxtaposition with the portion of the other post below, by Chickenlegs - especially as we think about who Dimensions is for, what the guiding perspectives are, etc.



superodalisque said:


> _snipped..._ i understand where a lot of FA angst is coming from. but when you are also a BHM/BBW and you have to deal with the shame and guilt some FAs have over being attracted to you its a very hard thing to accept and take in. *i'm not ashamed of myself, never have been. i actually feel insulted by the idea that someone as to "come out" to his friends and family about me or someone like me.* i wouldn't like being trotted out in front of his aquaintances for approval. i'm worth more than that and i think he should feel that he is worth more than that as well. public approval is all well and good but you hardly ever get it when you appear to need it so very much. *he should treat it as a normal relationship and not like a BBW/BHM is some especially odd case.*
> 
> i'm not sure its healthy if a BBW/BHM accepts the basic idea that a fat person should be or is so "unacceptable" to the public as a whole. that is particularly true when you are speaking of the US where over half the population is fat now anyway. i think that whole concept causes a basic opposition when it comes to fat folk who are comfortable and should be around helping out people who need to get there. maybe it might sound like people hate FAs when its really thier own skin and thier own emotional health they are looking out for? i'm not sure its good for your sexual health either to consider yourself in your own eyes as needing a special case for someone to be attracted to you.





chicken legs said:


> _snipped..._ Fat people are being attacted everywhere...now more than ever because of the coming social reforms, and this is one of the few places where you can just flirt and have fun with each other. This is a place where a Fa/FFA can talk with the person they desire without being attacted by friends, family, co-workers, etc...because the truth is it isn't socially acceptable to be an FA/FFA just as it isn't socially acceptable to be fat.



I will say, that men (presumably FAs, but I didn't check their badge ) have flirted and talked to me in real-life, non-FA-protected places at times throughout my life (not like a million times, but it's happened). There are certainly very judgmental and hateful people in the world, about all kinds of different things, but in my experience there are still a ton of fat people and people who are into fat people who realize that the people who oppose them are carrying ignorant prejudice, and it doesn't need to rule how they live their life. And I realize that I have a choice, at least to an extent: I can walk around all the time thinking how victimized and attacked I am for being fat and wonder how anyone could be attracted to someone so outside of what is considered "conventionally attractive", and then think if someone is, he must be some kind of equally ostracized deviant...or I can realize that I actually do have value and beauty, and for someone to be attracted to me just means that they're able to see it. No more, no less.

It seems like there are people posting throughout this thread with the assumptions of each narrative. Some under the idea that being attracted to fat people is a strong social "taboo" and they'll always receive flak for it as an outsider from the norm. And others that being attracted to fat people is not really that strange, it's just what they like, and they're not hugely oppressed by social convention.


----------



## escapist

lovelocs said:


> I think I'm posting in Hyde Park and wind up tied up and force fed hohoes until I explode).



Uhhhh, would it be inappropriate if I said that sounds like a fun Friday Night Activity?


...Damn, I'm already salivating.
I want Ho-Ho's!


----------



## SocialbFly

joswitch said:


> Dims is... An endless circular ride on the drama-llama - for FAs and the women that hate them.



I just have to say i really dislike this comment..i dont think we hate FAs, what a knee jerk statement...i do think the comment that RV made will stick in my mind for a while, about loving a fat body and living in a fat body are often times very different...unless you have been very big (by your standards or society's standards), i dont know that you can truly understand how/what it feels like, and i am not being negative here to you, i am just saying unless you have walked a mile in my shoes (IF I COULD) then you would understand my statements a little more. 

I am glad there are FAs, but there is a huge difference between making sure the chair is big enough for my ass to sit in, as i sit and think, will my ass fit in it, will it break it, will i huff and pufff like a train engine, will my back hurt while i wait for the next table....no my life is not all negatives, but bloody hell it isnt all cake and flowers and happy dances either...

the FA i hope to be around understands that loving a fat woman comes with certain realities which must be seen and dealt with, putting your head under a bushel and pretending it doesnt exist is like putting a match to dry tinder and saying it wont light....

the original statement of what dimensions is and isnt to me is not as cut and dried as many would like it to be, we are by nature a group of individuals in flux and this place and its tone changes from time to time...with a group of people this big it is bound to have its up and downs...

but what bothers me the most is the lack of empathy...as i like to say, it is much more than a word in a book...some of you could use a good dose of it, as it isnt all about you and your wants, some of us have needs and wants too, just cause i dont bonk you on the head with it, doesnt make it any less real to me. 

empathy, try it.


----------



## joswitch

@Tina - some of us are genuinely interested in BOTH aspects of Dims... i know that's held to be impossible... but hey, i live to re-define the possible.. ;P @RedVelvet - i didn't check but I'm guessing you live in USA? I'm in UK - while BDSM is pretty mainstream here, the public perception of feedism is entirely shaped by that C4 doc "fat girls and feeders" that came out a few years back...  @SocialbFly - the  means a joke - tho many a true word spoken in jest... Nice to hear that YOU don't hate FAs,  I certainly wasn't thinking of you when I wrote that... But there's some on here who really do give that impression! Oh, and re. your point about empathy... You have no way to measure the extent of my (for instance) empathy on such an attenuated medium as a web forum... It'd be like trying to go to a party through a keyhole... Most opportunities to practice empathy present themselves in RL... Your assumption that FAs must lack it, is part of the widespread "monstering" trend I mentioned above... And on the note of empathy, yes, clearly the life experiences of a not-fat FA are different to those of a BBW... Here's an aside: do you ever wonder what it might be like to go through life finding that many/most/all the people you desired and loved thought/felt you were a weirdo/pervert/sick/evil just for desiring/loving them as they are?? That when you offered the best of yourself to someone they always assume it's from false motive?


----------



## Shosh

joswitch said:


> @Tina - some of us are genuinely interested in BOTH aspects of Dims... i know that's held to be impossible... but hey, i live to re-define the possible.. ;P @RedVelvet - i didn't check but I'm guessing you live in USA? I'm in UK - while BDSM is pretty mainstream here, the public perception of feedism is entirely shaped by that C4 doc "fat girls and feeders" that came out a few years back...  @SocialbFly - the  means a joke - tho many a true word spoken in jest... Nice to hear that YOU don't hate FAs,  I certainly wasn't thinking of you when I wrote that... But there's some on here who really do give that impression! Oh, and re. your point about empathy... You have no way to measure the extent of my (for instance) empathy on such an attenuated medium as a web forum... It'd be like trying to go to a party through a keyhole... Most opportunities to practice empathy present themselves in RL... Your assumption that FAs must lack it, is part of the widespread "monstering" trend I mentioned above... And on the note of empathy, yes, clearly the life experiences of a not-fat FA are different to those of a BBW... Here's an aside: do you ever wonder what it might be like to go through life finding that many/most/all the people you desired and loved thought/felt you were a weirdo/pervert/sick/evil just for desiring/loving them as they are?? That when you offered the best of yourself to someone they always assume it's from false motive?



Jos could I please ask if you could use paragraphs. Text is very hard on the eyes all squashed together.

Thanks!


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## mergirl

James said:


> Indeed. And I won't say how much exactly because, although I've been told, its certainly not my business to say... but the amounts of money are really *very *significant. I'm sure that all donations are very gratefully received but they don't cover the lion's share of the expenses.


Perhaps if we were told exactly how much it cost to keep dims up and running and what exactly the money was used for, more people would donate. There are so many people who have said they have donated money, which gives the impression to the rest that Dims can't possibly need any more help. Any buisness or charity that i have encountered will show a balance sheet to investors or those who donate otherwise arn't people just blindly throwing money at a hole in the dark, never knowing if it is enough. As i can tell dimensions is still open so perhaps no more money is needed?? Also, i wonder if you were actually shown balance sheets etc or if you were just told how much Conrad pays out by Conrad. To be honest i'm not sure i trust a lot of what is said in here much of the time, and so don't trust the captain of this ship by proxy. *Mcdonalds analogies not necessary;I know if i eat a bad burger its not always the managers fault..but i'm still going to complain when i start to feel ill*


----------



## chicken legs

As a FFA/(small size)BBW..who size has ranged from fit, to thick, and now fat... Also dating guys that range from super fit, to smaller BHM's, to the now larger SSBHMS ... I have seen both sides of the fence. Plus living in the same town (an extremely vain small town) all my life people are a little more open to voice their opinions with me. 

What I have found so far is why I frequent Dims so much. The stereo types of fat people and the stereo types of FA, and how the rest of the world views us has to change. However it will only change when we start looking at ourselves, seeing how we are truely perceived, and deciding what to do (personally and from a collective POV) from that point. The only way that can happen is through open dialog.

When it comes to money aspect of this site and those that contribute....well this is a privately owned site..so unless he goes public...we really dont have a say to how it should be spent. If and when someone goes to church and they ask for donations. What do you do?


----------



## mergirl

chicken legs said:


> When it comes to money aspect of this site and those that contribute....well this is a privately owned site..so unless he goes public...we really dont have a say to how it should be spent. If and when someone goes to church and they ask for donations. What do you do?



This is why i wont contribute, cause as far as i know the money is going towards the upkeep of feeding tubes and machines for the feeder pornos. 
I'm actually not sure about the church and donations-I always assumed that that money went towards the upkeep of the buildings, payment of ministers etc.. I don't know much about it all because i don't belive in a christian god. I'm sure church finance records are made available to people though. Also, i hear the catholic church is pretty much better off financially than a lot of mega corporations! ..but i digress.. I'm not sure the blind faith of religion and here are comparable, though i see what you were getting at with your metaphor.


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## TallFatSue

Well, whatever Dimensions officially is and is not, for me personally it's doggone nice place to be periodically reminded that it's perfectly fine to live life in a very fat body. I muddled through my first 40 years pretty well without Dimensions, and I'd probably be okay if it vanished. Life is simply one heck of a lot better, just knowing that it's here, that's all. :bow:


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## mergirl

TallFatSue said:


> Well, whatever Dimensions officially is and is not, for me personally it's doggone nice place to be periodically reminded that it's perfectly fine to live life in a very fat body. I muddled through my first 40 years pretty well without Dimensions, and I'd probably be okay if it vanished. Life is simply one heck of a lot better, just knowing that it's here, that's all. :bow:


Theoretically, if someone made a site which was identical to dims and everyone moved there it would be just as good...maby even better! Maby it would be better if the community got to decide what the site "was and was not" by means of participation not repression.


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## LoveBHMS

katorade said:


> This is why I've often said that this site needs to define itself as either one or the other, and that the two cannot, in fact, coexist peacefully in the sense of forum politics. In real life, yes, they can. But forums typically dictate one sole focus, and then form an umbrella over sub-forums. This is the only forum I've ever been on that seems to think it can operate in a separatist manner. Like you said, that obviously doesn't work when you have to exclude people from the whole when you want them to see just a part.



Actually it can coexist peacefully if people would follow a basic Golden Rule of treating forums that may not apply to them the same as they treat forums that are super important to them. As Kevin said, he's a straight thin male FA, so he mostly stays away from injecting himself in conversations amongst gays and transgendered posters and doesn't go to the BHM board to comment on Escapist's life as a SSBHM. 

There are minimal cases on most forums where commentary is invited, welcome, or appropriate from outsiders. It's not that hard for me to figure out that it's probably ok to answer if somebody posts a picture of an outfit and asks for commentary on whether the accessories match but not really ok to post links to coupon codes for non-plus size stores. There is a difference between offering an opinion within a discussion geared towards FAs and outright insulting them for having the discussion and telling them that they're shallow for caring about what kind of product they're getting with a paysite subscription.

If people want to keep insisting that Dims really has to be about one thing or the other, they can keep doing that. But so long as it's administered with both a BBW board and an Erotic Weight Gain board and a Main Board which says right on the page that it's for Size Acceptance discussions, this is how it is.


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## escapist

LoveBHMS said:


> Actually it can coexist peacefully if people would follow a basic Golden Rule of treating forums that may not apply to them the same as they treat forums that are super important to them. *As Kevin said, he's a straight thin male FA, so he mostly stays away from injecting himself in conversations amongst gays and transgendered posters and doesn't go to the BHM board to comment on Escapist's life as a SSBHM. *
> 
> There are minimal cases on most forums where commentary is invited, welcome, or appropriate from outsiders. It's not that hard for me to figure out that it's probably ok to answer if somebody posts a picture of an outfit and asks for commentary on whether the accessories match but not really ok to post links to coupon codes for non-plus size stores. There is a difference between offering an opinion within a discussion geared towards FAs and outright insulting them for having the discussion and telling them that they're shallow for caring about what kind of product they're getting with a paysite subscription.
> 
> If people want to keep insisting that Dims really has to be about one thing or the other, they can keep doing that. But so long as it's administered with both a BBW board and an Erotic Weight Gain board and a Main Board which says right on the page that it's for Size Acceptance discussions, this is how it is.



Wait, is there something wrong with enjoying being 500+ lbs? 

I admit I rarely venture outside of the BHM/FFA forum. It does happen but not that often. I might have stirred the pot a time or two but I don't recall it ever being with any malice of intent, or meant to devalue another persons perspective even if I didn't agree with it. So far I like how things are designed even if they don't always work the way they were meant to.


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## tonynyc

escapist said:


> Wait, is there something wrong with enjoying being 500+ lbs?
> 
> *I admit I rarely venture outside of the BHM/FFA forum. It does happen but not that often.* I might have stirred the pot a time or two but I don't recall it ever being with any malice of intent, or meant to devalue another persons perspective even if I didn't agree with it. So far I like how things are designed even if they don't always work the way they were meant to.



*I* think it's good to venture into other areas more often... it's always a nice start to say hello to all the neighbors...


----------



## KHayes666

escapist said:


> *Wait, is there something wrong with enjoying being 500+ lbs? *
> 
> I admit I rarely venture outside of the BHM/FFA forum. It does happen but not that often. I might have stirred the pot a time or two but I don't recall it ever being with any malice of intent, or meant to devalue another persons perspective even if I didn't agree with it. So far I like how things are designed even if they don't always work the way they were meant to.



No, but apparently the process of getting to that weight doesn't sit well with some of our "neighbors" (imagine us all living on the same street).

Also the fact you're openly HAPPY with being that weight and you have a partner who salivates at you being that weight, also doesn't sit well because its not "normal".

But hey, like I said countless times....when the computer's off its just you and her. The people who get in your way at Dims, are no longer there to haunt you and you can have your fun in peace.

You can venture to other forums all you want now, things are rapidly improving around here where someone doesn't have to be ridiculed for something they like anymore.


----------



## RedVelvet

KHayes666 said:


> Also the fact you're openly HAPPY with being that weight and you have a partner who salivates at you being that weight, also doesn't sit well because its not "normal".




Thats....not exactly true, is it? Are there people here who actually say its not normal to date fat people?

Here?

This entire board is filled with people who do just that.

Being fat. Or dating fat people. Lots of people here doing it. Who is calling it abnormal?


----------



## Wagimawr

Looks like somebody soaked up the idea that the arguments about feederism are purely based on a deep-seated discomfort with fat or being fat.


----------



## mergirl

KHayes666 said:


> No, but apparently the process of getting to that weight doesn't sit well with some of our "neighbors" (imagine us all living on the same street).
> .



Also, the act of feederism isn't the only reason people get fat btw..just so you know. 
 I know it may come as a shock.. but i speak the truth. Also, when people or their partners gain weight.. shhhh..its not always because thats their fetish. 
sorry.
I dont think anyone cares who gains weight around here. I hope this doesn't end up turning into another them v's us argument where you get all defensive and don't actually listen to what people REALLY object to.

Oh.. i have to go.. my gf is sneaking lard into my dinner again!! *shakes fist*


----------



## Wagimawr

This would be a good place to have it out again, though...the real objections, the real concerns.

Then we can summarily dismiss them by saying they're not what Dims is about anyway so go sit and swivel.


----------



## JoyJoy

God, some people need to get down off the cross. Really. 

I've been following some of the arguing going on all over the boards, but it's just so tiresome because some people refuse to see anything beyond what they "think" others are saying because it furthers their "us against them" crusade and seem to get an adrenalin rush off of "defending" themselves, making the arguments rather pointless because it becomes so one-sided. 

I also get what this place is now. It's been said before, but basically, all are welcome as long as they don't do anything that makes the original intended focus group uncomfortable.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

JoyJoy said:


> I also get what this place is now. It's been said before, but basically, all are welcome as long as they don't do anything that makes the original intended focus group uncomfortable.



Is that really what you see here??????


----------



## TraciJo67

In all of the mud-splattering going on, some questions that I'd also like to see answered have gone unanswered (with exception to a few people who apparently consider themselves mouthpieces for the man behind the curtain, so to speak). 

Indy500tchr, for example, asked this: "I do have a question for you then. If you do not agree with the fat as a fetish then why do you allow people here to post, discuss and argue about it on your boards?"

I don't believe that a community is something that can be controlled by one person a la totalitarian state, for those who for whatever reason in their internal landscape can't accommodate the reality that where a bunch of people (HUMANS) get together, all kinds of spontaneous desires and needs come into play. People are not robots. And if Dimensions is "meant" to be for the pleasure of FAs, then it needs to be made crystal clear, so that those who enter do so with full knowledge of where they are. So Conrad, I'd like to ask you this: You say that Dims is a place where BBW/BHM, FA/FFA and others with some kind of stake can peacefully co-exist. But what I'm really reading is that Dims is for FA's and the women that they admire. This is what you said. I found that wording to be very interesting, and very telling. Primary purpose of Dimensions: pleasure of FAs? Yes or no. I'd really, REALLY love an answer to that question. From Conrad.


----------



## Wagimawr

TraciJo67 said:


> Indy500tchr, for example, asked this: "I do have a question for you then. If you do not agree with the fat as a fetish then why do you allow people here to post, discuss and argue about it on your boards?"
> 
> I don't believe that a community is something that can be controlled by one person a la totalitarian state, for those who for whatever reason in their internal landscape can't accommodate the reality that where a bunch of people (HUMANS) get together, all kinds of spontaneous desires and needs come into play. People are not robots. And if Dimensions is "meant" to be for the pleasure of FAs, then it needs to be made crystal clear, so that those who enter do so with full knowledge of where they are. So Conrad, I'd like to ask you this: You say that Dims is a place where BBW/BHM, FA/FFA and others with some kind of stake can peacefully co-exist. But what I'm really reading is that Dims is for FA's and the women that they admire. This is what you said. I found that wording to be very interesting, and very telling. Primary purpose of Dimensions: pleasure of FAs? Yes or no. I'd really, REALLY love an answer to that question. From Conrad.


Seconding this.

As a FA I'd really like to know if this is a place where I can stretch out and enjoy what I enjoy. It's always seemed like it is, but things just sound better when someone up top backs it up, y'know?


----------



## JoyJoy

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Is that really what you see here??????


Yes, really. I rarely say things on here that I don't mean. I'm merely decoration here, and as long as I hang around and be sweet and pleasant and show my wobbly bits, all is well. The boys get uncomfortable if the wimmin talk too much.


----------



## thatgirl08

oh my god then LEAVE ALREADY


----------



## JoyJoy

No. And I'll tell you why, little girl. You've been here for a minute, and I've been here for almost 11 years. Yes, we both have a stake in it, but this place has been a part of my life nearly every day for all of that time. I've made friends, found romance and found myself in some ways here. To have it reduced to what it is for me now is disheartening and extremely disappointing, but I'll leave when I'm god-damned good and ready. Don't like what I have to say? You're smart....you know what to do.


----------



## Wagimawr

JoyJoy said:


> To have it reduced to what it is for me now is disheartening and extremely disappointing


What caused that reduction, then?

Surely not young horny FAs like me! :batting:


----------



## Isa

JoyJoy said:


> No. And I'll tell you why, little girl. You've been here for a minute, and I've been here for almost 11 years. Yes, we both have a stake in it, but this place has been a part of my life nearly every day for all of that time. I've made friends, found romance and found myself in some ways here. To have it reduced to what it is for me now is disheartening and extremely disappointing, but I'll leave when I'm god-damned good and ready. Don't like what I have to say? You're smart....you know what to do.



Thank you for saying this Joy. Seriously.


----------



## JoyJoy

Wagimawr said:


> What caused that reduction, then?
> 
> Surely not young horny FAs like me! :batting:



No, my dear...it's a compilation of things that have happened over the past couple of years, this OP being the cherry on top of a nice big sardine sundae. My friendship with people like you, thankfully, reaches beyond this place.


----------



## exile in thighville

JoyJoy said:


> No. And I'll tell you why, little girl. You've been here for a minute, and I've been here for almost 11 years. Yes, we both have a stake in it, but this place has been a part of my life nearly every day for all of that time. I've made friends, found romance and found myself in some ways here. To have it reduced to what it is for me now is disheartening and extremely disappointing, but I'll leave when I'm god-damned good and ready. Don't like what I have to say? You're smart....you know what to do.



i've been here for almost 13 years 

WHAT DO I WIN


----------



## thatgirl08

So, you're saying that you've wasted 11 years of your life being "merely decoration" and being "sweet and pleasant" (when?) so you don't make the "boys uncomfortable" and so you're just going to continue because fuck, you already got 11 years invested.. ?

You're doing that feminism thing wrong.


----------



## FASilver

FASilver New to the boards Agrees with Conrads statement,wishing you all good blessings in 2010. I really appreciate dimensions, they make the world a much better place! http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gifyear!​


Webmaster said:


> As of late, I've been seeing a battle between those who think Dimensions is a strict size acceptance site and our inclusion of the social and sexual side of things is deplorable, and those who think preferring fat is just a fetish. Both sides are wrong.
> 
> Initially, Dimensions was created as a special interest group for men who preferred fat partners. But almost since the beginning Dimensions has been a forum for both fat people and those who find them attractive. For FAs, Dimensions is a place where they can talk and learn about their preference, and find forums, fictions, pictures, advice and plenty more. For fat people, it's a place where they can learn about their admirers and see the beauty and attractiveness in their bodies.
> 
> I specifically took Dimensions out of NAAFA a long time ago because I did not want for this special purpose to interfere with NAAFA's more politically-oriented brand of size acceptance. Needless to say, Dimensions is VERY much in favor of size acceptance, even though our contribution, in addition to having within our ranks some of the most dedicated size acceptance activists, is more in the areas of social opportunity and personal affirmation. So those who diss Dimensions for being a forum where those attracted to fat people can explore and discuss their desires and needs probably misunderstand our community's basic purpose.
> 
> On the other hand, I very strongly reject the notion that seeking a fat partner in life, or even just being attracted to fat people is nothing but a fetish! That is patently absurd and makes a mockery out of all the wonderful relationships and marriages, all the hopes and dreams, and all the new-found confidence that we're witnessing amongst us. So I am quite perturbed by the recent trend to endlessly insinuate that fat admirer = fetish, Dimensions = fetish site. Nothing, but nothing could be farther from the truth.
> 
> So that's what Dimensions is and has always been, a size-positive place for FAs and the people they admire. Nothing more and nothing less.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

JoyJoy said:


> Yes, really. I rarely say things on here that I don't mean. I'm merely decoration here, and as long as I hang around and be sweet and pleasant and show my wobbly bits, all is well. The boys get uncomfortable if the wimmin talk too much.



Well Joy, I'm truly sorry that you see this place that way.


----------



## exile in thighville

_little girl_


----------



## JoyJoy

exile in thighville said:


> i've been here for almost 13 years
> 
> WHAT DO I WIN


 A sardine sundae!



thatgirl08 said:


> So, you're saying that you've wasted 11 years of your life being "merely decoration" and being "sweet and pleasant" (when?) so you don't make the "boys uncomfortable" and so you're just going to continue because fuck, you already got 11 years invested.. ?
> 
> You're doing that feminism thing wrong.


A) I'm not a feminist. 
B) Re-read my post, as well as the ones before it, and this time PAY ATTENTION to what I really said. 
C) Your response was quite predictable.


----------



## mossystate

I am a feminist...and at some point, I simply have to laugh, and know what I know...and be confident ( oh, another way to use that word!!...yay me )....and not let anybody...............regardless of age or gender, use some things as a joke, or some giggly hipster sneer. Holy moly.


----------



## thatgirl08

JoyJoy said:


> A) I'm not a feminist.
> B) Re-read my post, as well as the ones before it, and this time PAY ATTENTION to what I really said.
> C) Your response was quite predictable.



My response was probably predictable because your logic makes no sense. Who spends 11 years somewhere they don't like? I could've told you that that's stupid 11 years ago.. too bad I was busy coloring pictures and learning my ABCs.


----------



## Mathias

I wasn't aware that in order to see what this place is _really_ about we had to be a part of the club for ____ years, get older and subsequently more bitter. Who knew?


----------



## Wagimawr

Mathias said:


> I wasn't aware that in order to see what this place is _really_ about we had to be a part of the club for ____ years, get older and *subsequently more bitter*. Who knew?


Surely you're not implying that the upsets have anything to do with a lack of romantic and/or sexual resolution and/or results on the part of the people complaining, are you?


----------



## JoyJoy

thatgirl08 said:


> My response was probably predictable because your logic makes no sense. Who spends 11 years somewhere they don't like? I could've told you that that's stupid 11 years ago.. too bad I was busy coloring pictures and learning my ABCs.



Since you're choosing to be obtuse, thereby proving my original post in this thread, I'll repeat myself, although I know you're smart enough I shouldn't have to. 



JoyJoy said:


> No, my dear...*it's a compilation of things that have happened over the past couple of years*, this OP being the cherry on top of a nice big sardine sundae.





JoyJoy said:


> No. And I'll tell you why, little girl. You've been here for a minute, and I've been here for almost 11 years. Yes, we both have a stake in it, but this place has been a part of my life nearly every day for all of that time. *I've made friends, found romance and found myself in some ways here*. To have it *reduced* (signifying a decline - get it??) to what it is for me *now* is disheartening and extremely disappointing, but I'll leave when I'm god-damned good and ready. Don't like what I have to say? You're smart....you know what to do.


----------



## exile in thighville

Wagimawr said:


> Surely you're not implying that the upsets have anything to do with a lack of romantic and/or sexual resolution and/or results on the part of the people complaining, are you?



probably top 5 posts of yours


----------



## Wagimawr

Why, dan, is that what you think?

I was just throwing out an interpretation of Mathias' post; I'm not necessarily convinced that's the case.

Besides, you've seen how most of the boys behave around here; you really think the lovely women of Dims deserve that?


----------



## Mathias

JoyJoy said:


> Since you're choosing to be obtuse, thereby proving my original post in this thread, I'll repeat myself, although I know you're smart enough I shouldn't have to.



Smart like staying somewhere that continually dissapoints you right?


----------



## JoyJoy

Mathias said:


> I wasn't aware that in order to see what this place is _really_ about we had to be a part of the club for ____ years, get older and subsequently more bitter. Who knew?


Thanks for also fortifying my original post and excellent way of completely missing the point. You young'uns have a knack for grabbing onto whatever allows you to pull out the "bitter old woman" card for a thrill. Smoke'em if you've got 'em! 

And you know what? I am bitter, yes...because something I loved has gone sour. I see nothing wrong with that. It's a natural reaction and human emotion.


----------



## JoyJoy

double post (thanks database error)


----------



## Mathias

JoyJoy said:


> Thanks for also fortifying my original post and excellent way of completely missing the point. You young'uns have a knack for grabbing onto whatever allows you to pull out the "bitter old woman" card for a thrill. Smoke'em if you've got 'em!
> 
> And you know what? I am bitter, yes...because something I loved has gone sour. I see nothing wrong with that. It's a natural reaction and human emotion.



So change it then. Complaining about it time and time again will only go so far.


----------



## JoyJoy

Mathias said:


> Smart like staying somewhere that continually dissapoints you right?


 When did they stop teaching people how to read? Or is it merely comprehension that you struggle with?


----------



## Wagimawr

Well, actually, now that you know it's deteriorated...


----------



## thatgirl08

Changed it for you.



thatgirl08 said:


> So, you're saying that you've wasted *2+* years of your life being "merely decoration" and being "sweet and pleasant" (when?) so you don't make the "boys uncomfortable" and so you're just going to continue because fuck, you already got *9* years invested.. ?
> 
> You're doing that feminism thing wrong.





thatgirl08 said:


> My response was probably predictable because your logic makes no sense. Who spends *2+* years somewhere they don't like? I could've told you that that's stupid 11 years ago.. too bad I was busy coloring pictures and learning my ABCs.





Wagimawr said:


> Why, dan, is that what you think?
> 
> I was just throwing out an interpretation of Mathias' post; I'm not necessarily convinced that's the case.
> 
> Besides, you've seen how most of the boys behave around here; you really think the lovely women of Dims deserve that?



I just want to verify that this was sarcastic?


----------



## Wagimawr

thatgirl08 said:


> I just want to verify that this was sarcastic?


I'm not even sure anymore.


----------



## JoyJoy

Mathias said:


> So change it then. Complaining about it time and time again will only go so far.


So...how is me giving my input any different than anyone else giving theirs? Both sides have their say, but because I admit to being bitter and because my thoughts on the matter are mostly negative, the only solution must be for me to just leave and that'll fix it? Sorry, but even if I don't completely like the way I feel when I come here these days, I still have some investment here, and it's up to me when the final curtain falls. Until then, you'll just have to put up with me, just like I have to put up with the things I don't like around here, like people who put words in my mouth and act obtuse to get high fives from their cronies. And...I don't have to justify my being here to anyone else...that's a familiar rally cry to some here, huh?


----------



## thatgirl08

Wagimawr said:


> I'm not even sure anymore.



When in doubt: try to appeal to both sides of discussion.



Also Joy, I just want to make it clear this wasn't an attack on you as a person.. more just the attitude in general.


----------



## Wagimawr

thatgirl08 said:


> When in doubt: try to appeal to both sides of discussion.






Go on. Ask me. I'll tell you what I think!


----------



## JoyJoy

thatgirl08 said:


> Also Joy, I just want to make it clear this wasn't an attack on you as a person.. more just the attitude in general.


Understood and mutual....I just don't appreciate having words put in my mouth or being expected to justify how I feel, considering all the other discord and self-righteousness that is rampant on these boards.


----------



## thatgirl08

Wagimawr said:


> Go on. Ask me. I'll tell you what I think!



Remember that one time:



thatgirl08 said:


> I just want to verify that this was sarcastic?





Wagimawr said:


> When in doubt: soften the blow.



I can't even take this seriously. Have you ever read my posts before?


----------



## Wagimawr

Frequently.

/creepystalkerwink

p.s. I got rid of it because I didn't think it was applicable.


----------



## thatgirl08

Wagimawr said:


> Frequently.
> 
> /creepystalkerwink
> 
> p.s. I got rid of it because I didn't think it was applicable.



Hilarious. 

I'm just saying that if there is one thing we can all agree on, it's probably there is nothing 'soft' about the way I voice my opinions.. whether you consider it to be a bad thing or not.

ETA: PS stop editing! I can't keep up!


----------



## cinnamitch

JoyJoy said:


> No. And I'll tell you why, little girl. You've been here for a minute, and I've been here for almost 11 years. Yes, we both have a stake in it, but this place has been a part of my life nearly every day for all of that time. I've made friends, found romance and found myself in some ways here. To have it reduced to what it is for me now is disheartening and extremely disappointing, but I'll leave when I'm god-damned good and ready. Don't like what I have to say? You're smart....you know what to do.



Amen Joy, thank you for saying it.


----------



## Wagimawr

thatgirl08 said:


> I'm just saying that if there is one thing we can all agree on, it's probably there is nothing 'soft' about the way I voice my opinions.. whether you consider it to be a bad thing or not.


That's good. I wish more people would do that. Too many don't, and try to either play victim or pretend they've done nothing wrong.

You do neither and I commend you for your honesty.

goldstar.jpg

*okay so that last part started slipping into sarcasm mode, but really. don't hold back. I like that much better than cleverness and game playing.**

**I really hate disclaimers.



thatgirl08 said:


> ETA: PS stop editing! I can't keep up!


----------



## thatgirl08

JoyJoy said:


> Understood and mutual....I just don't appreciate having words put in my mouth or being expected to justify how I feel, considering all the other discord and self-righteousness that is rampant on these boards.



I understand that, and there's nothing technically wrong with that in theory.. I think it's just that every time we log onto here, we don't want to see 50 posts about why this board sucks now or why the people here aren't good people for xyz reason. It's frustrating, at best.


----------



## Wagimawr

JoyJoy said:


> To have it reduced to what it is for me now is disheartening and extremely disappointing





Wagimawr said:


> What caused that reduction, then?



Okay, so I was being silly earlier. (I know it's not my fault! ) but really; for those of us not in the know, (I mean, I was totally fapping my first few years here, not contributing much ) what is wrong with Dimensions now that wasn't before?


----------



## LoveBHMS

As somebody on the wrong side of 40, I have to say that ageism is about the stupidest form of bigotry ever. Everyone has been young, most of us will be old at some point. I've always wondered what would happen if a bunch of 95 year olds started posting here and shouting down everyone because of their age. I think having a range of ages here is nice and it brings a lot to the community. Name calling and insisting that all young people think alike and feel the same way towards older people is just rude and short sighted.

Apart from your post count, it's not relevent to anything how long you've been here or how old you are or how many people you've met IRL.

It's beyond me how anyone can throw fits over the OP or use it as yet another attempt to force a line in the sand to be drawn over who really owns Dims. No matter what Conrad says, everyone is going to believe what they want and some people are going to continue to flaunt the rules, be assholes, write ridiculously transparent open letters about how much they hate me, and disseminate harassing PMs while running to the mods claiming they're being harassed. Doesn't this ever get old for anyone? 

For what it's worth, being a bitch to people on a website doesn't actually promote Size Acceptance.


----------



## thatgirl08

I'd love it if someone would outline specific changes that would need to be made, in their opinion, to make this place more hospitable instead of the constant barrage of generalities that things just aren't the same.


----------



## Wagimawr

LoveBHMS said:


> For what it's worth, being a bitch to people on a website doesn't actually promote Size Acceptance.


Intensely, painfully, ridiculously true.

It doesn't do very much for fetishes either.



thatgirl08 said:


> I'd love it if someone would outline specific changes that would need to be made


Yes, this too.


----------



## LoveBHMS

Wagimawr said:


> Intensely, painfully, ridiculously true.
> 
> It doesn't do very much for fetishes either.



I don't draw first blood. When I start posting harassing, annoying, rude, intrustive stuff in discussions that aren't about me, then this will make more sense.


----------



## exile in thighville

Wagimawr said:


> Besides, you've seen how most of the boys behave around here; you really think the lovely women of Dims deserve that?



nevermind this is really bad if it's sarcasm and really bad if it's not


----------



## JoyJoy

Wagimawr said:


> Okay, so I was being silly earlier. (I know it's not my fault! ) but really; for those of us not in the know, (I mean, I was totally fapping my first few years here, not contributing much ) what is wrong with Dimensions now that wasn't before?


It would take far too long to really explain everything that has happened - it's basically a culmination of many good people feeling alienated or disenchanted and leaving...the sense of community changing to the point that it's unrecognizable and not nearly as endearing as it once was. Then you have the library fiasco and how it was handled, the way controversial and demeaning posts have been handled (or not handled) and the whole jamming together of the feeding community and the SA community, expecting everyone to get along. And, truly, it's become more and more apparent that the vision I've had all these years of what Dimensions represents has been way off-base.


----------



## KHayes666

thatgirl08 said:


> My response was probably predictable because your logic makes no sense. Who spends 11 years somewhere they don't like? I could've told you that that's stupid 11 years ago.. too bad I was busy coloring pictures and learning my ABCs.



11 years ago in January 99 I was getting pumped for the Superbowl (Rams/Titans), enjoying 7th grade basketball season (we won the whole *city* tournament a year later) and infiltrating enemy bases in Metal Gear Solid.....NAAFA, Dimensions and BBW Bashes weren't even on the 5 year radar but that doesn't discount what I've experienced since then.

I'm looking at this from both sides....you're on the cool side of 21 and you live in a world where you are paid money for being a fat girl. You get your weirdos and creeps but for the most part you are treated with respect and have a whole legion of straight males and gay girls that would love to spend a few evenings with you. Sure life can be a drag sometimes, but for the most part it obviously doesn't suck being you.

These older BBW's on the other hand haven't been so lucky. There were no Dimensions or Big Cuties in the 70's, 80's and the early 90's, growing up as a fat girl for them without the internet was very hard and the bitterness is still there many years later. When they were 18-21 they didn't have any of the privalidges (I can't spell worth a shit when I have a massive headache) that we've grown up with. They struggled for years and years just to be accepted and they had finally found their way into Dimensions.

Now what I'm about to say is gathered from just reading other people's posts, blogs, talking to friends and other sources that imply why I feel. The bitterness comes from the fact they had to struggle for so many years to be accepted and in today's world, a 16 year old plump, pudgy girl can walk around in her underwear on youtube and be an immediate sensation. They are showered with compliments which gives the confidence to post more pix/vids, and when they are 18 they become profitable bbw models. They can have any guy they want and if they're good enough in front of the camera, their modeling gig could be paying more than a regular job. What these older BBW's see are girls who aren't even old enough to drink getting the love and attention in a snap of a finger that they couldn't get for years and years. Its hard for them to play nice when they've had to deal with so much bullshit over the years and yet are being told by teenagers to "love it or get the fuck out"

Its not just love and attention from males, its years of bad experiences with males as well. I'm 23 and I already have a boatload of stories and emotional scars from the past 7 years with women.....who knows what I'll be like in another 7 years. These ppl that are "bitter" have had those 7 more years (and I'm sure a lot more) and maybe its full of nonstop abusive jerks, unemployed lazy bastards and socially retarded men who can name all the parts in a car but can't remember an anniversary to save their lives. What they've gone through brought them to where they are today, and whether good or bad...this is how they are. I may not like the way certain members behave around here, but in most cases I can see why, I don't condone it but I at least respect what's happened. Years of bad relationships, marriages and death. Years of struggling with self acceptance, depression, medical issues....everyone has a story. 

That doesn't mean teenaged to mid 20's FA's, BBW's and the like can't post their opinions though. You, myself and others have been around long enough to share our own experiences and to be discounted would be bullshit as well. Its just that we've had it relatively easy, we can type in three letters and have access to so much which was unavailable 20...hell even 10 years ago.

I guess what I'm trying to do is understand where you are coming from and where other, older people are coming from. Maybe I should just go lay down because I feel I'm not making any sense anymore and my head is pounding. Have a good day


----------



## JoyJoy

LoveBHMS said:


> As somebody on the wrong side of 40, I have to say that ageism is about the stupidest form of bigotry ever. Everyone has been young, most of us will be old at some point. I've always wondered what would happen if a bunch of 95 year olds started posting here and shouting down everyone because of their age. I think having a range of ages here is nice and it brings a lot to the community. Name calling and insisting that all young people think alike and feel the same way towards older people is just rude and short sighted.
> 
> Apart from your post count, it's not relevent to anything how long you've been here or how old you are or how many people you've met IRL.



Oh thrill...someone else putting words in my mouth. Color me not surprised, since you're one of the ones well-known for putting your own spin on what people here say. 

It "is" relevant how long I've been here - to *me*. Dimensions has been part of my life for a very long time, and if and when I do make the choice to walk away, it will leave a hole. That's the way things work. That doesn't mean that my opinion or thoughts on the place are more valid, but that the impact it's had on my life is further-reaching than that of someone who has only been here for a few years. And I challenge you to show me where I said that "all young people think alike and feel the same way towards older people". I was speaking about a very small set of people here. 



LoveBHMS said:


> It's beyond me how anyone can throw fits over the OP or use it as yet another attempt to force a line in the sand to be drawn over who really owns Dims. No matter what Conrad says, everyone is going to believe what they want and some people are going to continue to flaunt the rules, be assholes, write ridiculously transparent open letters about how much they hate me, and disseminate harassing PMs while running to the mods claiming they're being harassed. Doesn't this ever get old for anyone?
> 
> For what it's worth, being a bitch to people on a website doesn't actually promote Size Acceptance.


I guess it's a good thing that's not on your agenda then, huh?


----------



## JoyJoy

KHayes666 said:


> I guess what I'm trying to do is understand where you are coming from and where other, older people are coming from. Maybe I should just go lay down because I feel I'm not making any sense anymore and my head is pounding. Have a good day


Kevin, 
While I do, in a way, appreciate your effort, you really should quit trying to analyze the situation because you only serve to dig a deeper hole. You can't for a minute think that you understand things from my POV, and merely come across as arrogant and condescending in trying to.


----------



## Angel

Not every older person or fat woman is bitter. Not every older fat persons life has sucked just because they are or were fat.

A lot of the emotions that you are seeing expressed in this thread are not the result of or because of having lived life as a fat person.

Just because someone attempts to express an opinion that is not in line with how you see things does not mean that the other person is bitter about their life or past experiences in general. They just may be trying to express an opinion about what they see transpiring here at Dimensions in this present time frame.


----------



## thatgirl08

KHayes666 said:


> 11 years ago in January 99 I was getting pumped for the Superbowl (Rams/Titans), enjoying 7th grade basketball season (we won the whole *city* tournament a year later) and infiltrating enemy bases in Metal Gear Solid.....NAAFA, Dimensions and BBW Bashes weren't even on the 5 year radar but that doesn't discount what I've experienced since then.
> 
> I'm looking at this from both sides....you're on the cool side of 21 and you live in a world where you are paid money for being a fat girl. You get your weirdos and creeps but for the most part you are treated with respect and have a whole legion of straight males and gay girls that would love to spend a few evenings with you. Sure life can be a drag sometimes, but for the most part it obviously doesn't suck being you.
> 
> These older BBW's on the other hand haven't been so lucky. There were no Dimensions or Big Cuties in the 70's, 80's and the early 90's, growing up as a fat girl for them without the internet was very hard and the bitterness is still there many years later. When they were 18-21 they didn't have any of the privalidges (I can't spell worth a shit when I have a massive headache) that we've grown up with. They struggled for years and years just to be accepted and they had finally found their way into Dimensions.
> 
> Now what I'm about to say is gathered from just reading other people's posts, blogs, talking to friends and other sources that imply why I feel. The bitterness comes from the fact they had to struggle for so many years to be accepted and in today's world, a 16 year old plump, pudgy girl can walk around in her underwear on youtube and be an immediate sensation. They are showered with compliments which gives the confidence to post more pix/vids, and when they are 18 they become profitable bbw models. They can have any guy they want and if they're good enough in front of the camera, their modeling gig could be paying more than a regular job. What these older BBW's see are girls who aren't even old enough to drink getting the love and attention in a snap of a finger that they couldn't get for years and years. Its hard for them to play nice when they've had to deal with so much bullshit over the years and yet are being told by teenagers to "love it or get the fuck out"
> 
> Its not just love and attention from males, its years of bad experiences with males as well. I'm 23 and I already have a boatload of stories and emotional scars from the past 7 years with women.....who knows what I'll be like in another 7 years. These ppl that are "bitter" have had those 7 more years (and I'm sure a lot more) and maybe its full of nonstop abusive jerks, unemployed lazy bastards and socially retarded men who can name all the parts in a car but can't remember an anniversary to save their lives. What they've gone through brought them to where they are today, and whether good or bad...this is how they are. I may not like the way certain members behave around here, but in most cases I can see why, I don't condone it but I at least respect what's happened. Years of bad relationships, marriages and death. Years of struggling with self acceptance, depression, medical issues....everyone has a story.
> 
> That doesn't mean teenaged to mid 20's FA's, BBW's and the like can't post their opinions though. You, myself and others have been around long enough to share our own experiences and to be discounted would be bullshit as well. Its just that we've had it relatively easy, we can type in three letters and have access to so much which was unavailable 20...hell even 10 years ago.
> 
> I guess what I'm trying to do is understand where you are coming from and where other, older people are coming from. Maybe I should just go lay down because I feel I'm not making any sense anymore and my head is pounding. Have a good day



Where is all this respect for paysite girls? I see lots of creepy guys and I see lots of girls calling us sluts, bad for the size acceptance movement and untalented. I do it for other reasons, and enjoy it for those reasons, but respect? I'm not seeing it. Being a Big Cutie is fun.. but to say it's representative of my life is not even close to the truth. I love Dims, I love the community, etc but reality is, I have an entire world outside of the community that has no idea what size acceptance is and that still pushes the size 6 ideal. Just because you're something on the internet doesn't mean it carries over into real life.. I deal with the same shit everyone else does. To say my life is "obviously easy" is offensive, at best. For one, you're putting way too much emphasis for my liking on how men perceive me and how much attention I get. THIS JUST IN: women think about, care about and base their self esteem on more than how many guys they give boners to. You know pretty much zip when it comes to my family life, my friendships, my relationships, my college experience, my job.. ANYTHING. You know me as a naked girl on the internet.. do you truly feel comfortable making those kind of generalizations about my life based on contrived fetish-y pinup images?

5, 25, 55 or 95, being fat is hard in today's world. I don't buy into the idea that BBWs in the past had it harder.. different, yeah.. harder? I'm not convinced.. I don't know for sure either way. But lets say it was harder before.. does that give them anymore right to their feelings than we have to ours? Does that make it less true that it's hard being fat now? No.

Also, you may want to slow down with the whole "BBWs got no love before the internet" thing.. fat women have been getting laid, girlfriended and married for years before the internet. Oddly enough, we don't rely on self-proclaimed FA's to get a little dick. 

The idea that life isn't hard for me, followed up by your statement about being bitter and emotionally hard is kind of funny. What makes you think I have no emotional scars (relationship inflicted or otherwise)? Little do you know, that's what I say.


----------



## LoveBHMS

JoyJoy said:


> Kevin,
> While I do, in a way, appreciate your effort, you really should quit trying to analyze the situation because you only serve to dig a deeper hole. You can't for a minute think that you understand things from my POV, and merely come across as arrogant and condescending in trying to.



Yeah Kevin, quit trying to understand people who are different from you. Enough with reading things and talking to people. 



> I guess it's a good thing that's not on your agenda then, huh?



Yay. My favorite insult. Apparently my screename and hundreds of posts on the Weight Board and outspokeness about feederism aren't indication enough of why i'm here. It always kills me when somebody screams about how i'm not here for Size Acceptane when I never claimed to be. I don't try to interrupt it, and I do try to learn from it and I think being here has made me more informed and educated about the issue. But when somebody hurls the old "Oh you're just a fetishist" thing at me, it just makes say, "I knew that."


----------



## JoyJoy

LoveBHMS said:


> Yeah Kevin, quit trying to understand people who are different from you. Enough with reading things and talking to people.
> 
> 
> 
> Yay. My favorite insult. Apparently my screename and hundreds of posts on the Weight Board and outspokeness about feederism aren't indication enough of why i'm here. It always kills me when somebody screams about how i'm not here for Size Acceptane when I never claimed to be. I don't try to interrupt it, and I do try to learn from it and I think being here has made me more informed and educated about the issue. But when somebody hurls the old "Oh you're just a fetishist" thing at me, it just makes say, "I knew that."


lol...Whoosh! If nothing else, you're not disappointing.


----------



## chicken legs

I have lurked since before the revamp of Dimensions and the only difference I have noticed is ...there are more FFA/FA's actually posting....which is what Conrad was trying to Promote from day 1.


----------



## Wagimawr

KHayes666 said:


> Its not just love and attention from males, its years of bad experiences with males as well.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLkZTJczirU


----------



## chicken legs

Honestly...I really dont get what the argument is about. All I see is personal attacks toward Conrad the "King of FA's". So am I missing some underground PM beef-fest? I usually stay around the BHM/FFA and Library area so I dont get what has changed other than that more people are delurking.


----------



## LoveBHMS

JoyJoy said:


> lol...Whoosh! If nothing else, you're not disappointing.



I'm wondering if all this anger and hatred ever gets either tiring or boring for you? See, I get that you don't like me. The thing is, I don't care. You can go talk about Size Acceptance and I'll go talk about fat guys and making them fatter and we don't even have to acknowlege each other. I'm perfectly happy in my little corner of Dims and I don't spend a whole lot of time hating people who aren't here for the same reason I am. Sure I push back when people are rude, but by and large I'm fine with everyone just coexisting. Do i have conflicts with a lot of people? Yes. But so what? There's maybe 4 people I wouldn't want anything to do with but many of them I'd call a truce with and maybe just agree to disagree about things.


----------



## Mathias

chicken legs said:


> Honestly...I really dont get what the argument is about. All I see is personal attacks toward Conrad the "King of FA's". So am I missing some underground PM beef-fest?



Apparently you'll get it in about 11 years.


----------



## LoveBHMS

Mathias said:


> Apparently you'll get it in about 11 years.



It's like a Masonic Lodge. You need to become a 32nd Degree Size Acceptor before you get to know the secrets. There is actually FA symbolism on the dollar bill.


----------



## chicken legs

thatgirl08 said:


> oh my god then LEAVE ALREADY



I totally second this. Of course its alot easier said than done, but sometimes you really just have to stop being miserable and looking for company.

Throught my life I have had to let things and people go because it ended up not being the cup of tea I thought it was.


----------



## The Fez

Dimensions is a huge bitch-fest. Evidence of this lies in every fucking thread.


----------



## thatgirl08

The Fez said:


> Dimensions is a huge bitch-fest. Evidence of this lies in every fucking thread.



To be fair, that's all you've done in your last 6 months here as well. Just calling it like I see it.


----------



## RedVelvet

Ya stepped in it now, son.

I admire the chutzpah needed to make this post.. I admire the attempt at empathy..and seeing things from another perspective.

I Do.

I think it comes from a good...intent. I can't fault you for it. But ohMAN...calling the women here that are older than you bitter as a result of their horrible lives....as well as assuming the younger ones have it ANY easier...is a mistake. It's .....a mistake. 

I am not trying to put you down. I am just saying that even your very premise is faulty, and I do hope that you will continue to try see both sides, and that in doing that you realize its just SO MUCH MORE than what you surmise here.

I'm 40..er...41...older, I guess, by your standards, and I have had more positive attention than I deserve, and a whole lot less negative than many. Rejection? You bet..but on the whole..a lot of love.

I am not alone. And I am thinking that everyone's experience is different. Who knows...maybe you nailed it for a single person or two....but its always such a mistake to do this. 

There are side effects, also unintended, I am sure, of you coming off as both arrogant and condescending as a result. Again....not your intention, but I can promise you, with rare exception, even someone looking at this with a soft eye is gonna snort a bit and wanna bap you across the top of your head. Some with a pillow...some with a lamp...I am thinking its a range, there.

hem..





KHayes666 said:


> 11 years ago in January 99 I was getting pumped for the Superbowl (Rams/Titans), enjoying 7th grade basketball season (we won the whole *city* tournament a year later) and infiltrating enemy bases in Metal Gear Solid.....NAAFA, Dimensions and BBW Bashes weren't even on the 5 year radar but that doesn't discount what I've experienced since then.
> 
> I'm looking at this from both sides....you're on the cool side of 21 and you live in a world where you are paid money for being a fat girl. You get your weirdos and creeps but for the most part you are treated with respect and have a whole legion of straight males and gay girls that would love to spend a few evenings with you. Sure life can be a drag sometimes, but for the most part it obviously doesn't suck being you.
> 
> These older BBW's on the other hand haven't been so lucky. There were no Dimensions or Big Cuties in the 70's, 80's and the early 90's, growing up as a fat girl for them without the internet was very hard and the bitterness is still there many years later. When they were 18-21 they didn't have any of the privalidges (I can't spell worth a shit when I have a massive headache) that we've grown up with. They struggled for years and years just to be accepted and they had finally found their way into Dimensions.
> 
> Now what I'm about to say is gathered from just reading other people's posts, blogs, talking to friends and other sources that imply why I feel. The bitterness comes from the fact they had to struggle for so many years to be accepted and in today's world, a 16 year old plump, pudgy girl can walk around in her underwear on youtube and be an immediate sensation. They are showered with compliments which gives the confidence to post more pix/vids, and when they are 18 they become profitable bbw models. They can have any guy they want and if they're good enough in front of the camera, their modeling gig could be paying more than a regular job. What these older BBW's see are girls who aren't even old enough to drink getting the love and attention in a snap of a finger that they couldn't get for years and years. Its hard for them to play nice when they've had to deal with so much bullshit over the years and yet are being told by teenagers to "love it or get the fuck out"
> 
> Its not just love and attention from males, its years of bad experiences with males as well. I'm 23 and I already have a boatload of stories and emotional scars from the past 7 years with women.....who knows what I'll be like in another 7 years. These ppl that are "bitter" have had those 7 more years (and I'm sure a lot more) and maybe its full of nonstop abusive jerks, unemployed lazy bastards and socially retarded men who can name all the parts in a car but can't remember an anniversary to save their lives. What they've gone through brought them to where they are today, and whether good or bad...this is how they are. I may not like the way certain members behave around here, but in most cases I can see why, I don't condone it but I at least respect what's happened. Years of bad relationships, marriages and death. Years of struggling with self acceptance, depression, medical issues....everyone has a story.
> 
> That doesn't mean teenaged to mid 20's FA's, BBW's and the like can't post their opinions though. You, myself and others have been around long enough to share our own experiences and to be discounted would be bullshit as well. Its just that we've had it relatively easy, we can type in three letters and have access to so much which was unavailable 20...hell even 10 years ago.
> 
> I guess what I'm trying to do is understand where you are coming from and where other, older people are coming from. Maybe I should just go lay down because I feel I'm not making any sense anymore and my head is pounding. Have a good day


----------



## KHayes666

LoveBHMS said:


> It's like a Masonic Lodge. You need to become a 32nd Degree Size Acceptor before you get to know the secrets. *There is actually FA symbolism on the dollar bill.*




I think I found it....not sure though 

View attachment Snapshot_20100120.jpg


----------



## LoveBHMS

thatgirl08 said:


> I'd love it if someone would outline specific changes that would need to be made, in their opinion, to make this place more hospitable instead of the constant barrage of generalities that things just aren't the same.



It's sad this post has gone un-responded to.


----------



## chicken legs

Mathias said:


> Apparently you'll get it in about 11 years.



LOL...well I have been lurking since 21 and now I'm 32 and managed to avoid it but I better take my B complex so I won't eat crow.


That reminds me ...I have to run to the Vitamin store.


----------



## The Fez

thatgirl08 said:


> To be fair, that's all you've done in your last 6 months here as well. Just calling it like I see it.



Eh not really. I just tend to jibe in with the same comment over and over. Awful stick, I know, but it's hard to find a discussion to contribute towards properly.


----------



## The Fez

The Fez said:


> Eh not really. I just tend to jibe in with the same comment over and over. Awful stick, I know, but it's hard to find a discussion to contribute towards properly.



This was a stupid post.

What I should say is that I'm drawn towards the same kinds of threads like a moth to a flame.


----------



## katorade

thatgirl08 said:


> Where is all this respect for paysite girls? I see lots of creepy guys and I see lots of girls calling us sluts, bad for the size acceptance movement and untalented. I do it for other reasons, and enjoy it for those reasons, but respect? I'm not seeing it. Being a Big Cutie is fun.. but to say it's representative of my life is not even close to the truth. I love Dims, I love the community, etc but reality is, I have an entire world outside of the community that has no idea what size acceptance is and that still pushes the size 6 ideal. Just because you're something on the internet doesn't mean it carries over into real life.. I deal with the same shit everyone else does. To say my life is "obviously easy" is offensive, at best. For one, you're putting way too much emphasis for my liking on how men perceive me and how much attention I get. THIS JUST IN: women think about, care about and base their self esteem on more than how many guys they give boners to. You know pretty much zip when it comes to my family life, my friendships, my relationships, my college experience, my job.. ANYTHING. You know me as a naked girl on the internet.. do you truly feel comfortable making those kind of generalizations about my life based on contrived fetish-y pinup images?
> 
> 5, 25, 55 or 95, being fat is hard in today's world. I don't buy into the idea that BBWs in the past had it harder.. different, yeah.. harder? I'm not convinced.. I don't know for sure either way. But lets say it was harder before.. does that give them anymore right to their feelings than we have to ours? Does that make it less true that it's hard being fat now? No.
> 
> Also, you may want to slow down with the whole "BBWs got no love before the internet" thing.. fat women have been getting laid, girlfriended and married for years before the internet. Oddly enough, we don't rely on self-proclaimed FA's to get a little dick.
> 
> The idea that life isn't hard for me, followed up by your statement about being bitter and emotionally hard is kind of funny. What makes you think I have no emotional scars (relationship inflicted or otherwise)? Little do you know, that's what I say.



Ironically, even though I'm apparently one of the bitter angry old biddies (at the ripe old age of 29, lol), I agree with you 100%. I still experience the same prejudices I did as a teenager.. Many of the same joys as well. I can still hear stories from girls half my age and sympathize with them, not in a "been there, remember that" way, but in a way that I'm currently affected by. I guess it would look like fat girls today have it easy if you spend a large chunk of your time immersing yourself in areas that make it look as such. I wish it was a new reality, but it's more virtual reality than anything.


----------



## escapist

LoveBHMS said:


> I'm wondering if all this anger and hatred ever gets either tiring or boring for you? See, I get that you don't like me. The thing is, I don't care. You can go talk about Size Acceptance and *I'll go talk about fat guys and making them fatter* and we don't even have to acknowlege each other. I'm perfectly happy in my little corner of Dims and I don't spend a whole lot of time hating people who aren't here for the same reason I am. Sure I push back when people are rude, but by and large I'm fine with everyone just coexisting. Do i have conflicts with a lot of people? Yes. But so what? There's maybe 4 people I wouldn't want anything to do with but many of them I'd call a truce with and maybe just agree to disagree about things.



Oh come on, don't just talk about it. Come to Vegas and FEED ME! All this talking is making me salivate on a ridiculous level. :eat2: :eat1:

I should add, Nope I don't get why people don't move on past the past. It was yesterday, do something with today and stop living in the past. I have a HUGE Amazon of a Sister and I've never seen this bitterness you talk of. I'm hardly a bitter fat person myself. I love being fed, and loved on, and cuddled with. Occasionally I here people talking about me in Spanish thinking I don't know what they are saying, but it rarely bugs me. Only thing that bugs me is not fitting in chairs, braking chairs, beds, couches, and the expense buying nice clothes entails. Thats about it.


----------



## Angel

Has anyone else ever wished that you had the ability to physically reach into the core being of another and grab their soul and all that they emotionally, physically, and intellectually are and extract all of that and then place it into the body of another and let them then experience living life in the "shoes" and body of another?


Sometimes I think _that_ would be the only way that some would ever see beyond the tiny little limited scope of their own being or beyond their own preconceived notions.


----------



## LoveBHMS

escapist said:


> Oh come on, don't just talk about it. Come to Vegas and FEED ME! All this talking is making me salivate on a ridiculous level. :eat2: :eat1:



Ooooh. Baby....


----------



## KHayes666

LoveBHMS said:


> Ooooh. Baby....



You should go.

The best part is, none of the people who raise stinks everywhere they go ever attends the bashes. You'd be home free to divulge into as many fat guys as you want and no one's going to question a damn thing.


----------



## escapist

Angel said:


> Has anyone else ever wished that you had the ability to physically reach into the core being of another and grab their soul and all that they emotionally, physically, and intellectually are and extract all of that and then place it into the body of another and let them then experience living life in the "shoes" and body of another?
> 
> 
> Sometimes I think _that_ would be the only way that some would ever see beyond the tiny little limited scope of their own being or beyond their own preconceived notions.



I find giving up control and allowing others to experience life as they will, and develop as they choose, as the only course that doesn't lead to madness.


----------



## JoyJoy

LoveBHMS said:


> I'm wondering if all this anger and hatred ever gets either tiring or boring for you? See, I get that you don't like me. The thing is, I don't care. You can go talk about Size Acceptance and I'll go talk about fat guys and making them fatter and we don't even have to acknowlege each other. I'm perfectly happy in my little corner of Dims and I don't spend a whole lot of time hating people who aren't here for the same reason I am. Sure I push back when people are rude, but by and large I'm fine with everyone just coexisting. Do i have conflicts with a lot of people? Yes. But so what? There's maybe 4 people I wouldn't want anything to do with but many of them I'd call a truce with and maybe just agree to disagree about things.


See, though, here's what you're missing. I don't hate you, and I'm not angry at you - that's not the part that bores me, honestly. You do get, though, that I don't like you, but it's not for the reasons you think because they don't fit in with your persecution complex.


----------



## escapist

KHayes666 said:


> You should go.
> 
> The best part is, none of the people who raise stinks everywhere they go ever attends the bashes. You'd be home free to divulge into as many fat guys as you want and no one's going to question a damn thing.



Bahhh, I'd keep her busy, or just squish her into submission


----------



## LoveBHMS

KHayes666 said:


> You should go.
> 
> The best part is, none of the people who raise stinks everywhere they go ever attends the bashes. You'd be home free to divulge into as many fat guys as you want and no one's going to question a damn thing.



So long as Chicken Legs is down with this I am _there._


----------



## LoveBHMS

JoyJoy said:


> See, though, here's what you're missing. I don't hate you, and I'm not angry at you - that's not the part that bores me, honestly. You do get, though, that I don't like you, but it's not for the reasons you think because they don't fit in with your persecution complex.



Ok, well i don't think this is an invitation to play 20 Questions so I can figure out why you don't like me. In any event, I really don't care. So go do your thing and I'll do mine.

And I'm totally gonna ignore the persecution complex thing because...uhm...pot..kettle..and all that.


----------



## KHayes666

LoveBHMS said:


> Ok, well i don't think this is an invitation to play 20 Questions so I can figure out why you don't like me. In any event, I really don't care. So go do your thing and I'll do mine.
> 
> And I'm totally gonna ignore the persecution complex thing because...uhm...pot..kettle..and all that.



Joy's not the type to go from forum to forum and badmouth people. Don't need to get into it with her for having a different opinion.

Besides, use your waiter's memory next time Escapist is in town.


----------



## chicken legs

LoveBHMS said:


> So long as Chicken Legs is down with this I am _there._



As long as you sign the waiver...the Videocam is ret ta go.


----------



## LoveBHMS

chicken legs said:


> As long as you sign the waiver...the Videocam is ret ta go.



So it's like a fatty version of Big Brother?


----------



## escapist

LoveBHMS said:


> So it's like a fatty version of Big Brother?



No cause thats only TV14 I think


----------



## JoyJoy

LoveBHMS said:


> Ok, well i don't think this is an invitation to play 20 Questions so I can figure out why you don't like me. In any event, I really don't care. So go do your thing and I'll do mine.
> 
> And I'm totally gonna ignore the persecution complex thing because...uhm...pot..kettle..and all that.


Honey (yes, I called you Honey)...I'm not the one with "Heroine" as my user title, going around whining about how people rag on my fetish at any and every opportunity. I've seen you whine and moan more in the past few months about things here than any other person. And no, I'm not going to back that up with proof - it's a personal observation, and while it may be an exaggeration, it pretty well sums up the general aura surrounding your presence here. 

I complained, yes. About very specific things. I admitted to being bitter, yes. About this one single aspect of my life. The rest of my life is far too full to dwell on this part of it for long once I've clicked off. The majority of the time, I do let you do your thing, quite happily, this thread being the exception.


----------



## Wagimawr

KHayes666 said:


> *divulge into* as many fat guys as you want


That sounds painful.


----------



## exile in thighville

honey baby sweetness darling i'm your little girl

your words are sticky stupid running down my legs


----------



## LoveBHMS

> Honey (yes, I called you Honey)...I'm not the one with "Heroine" as my user title, going around whining about how people rag on my fetish at any and every opportunity. I've seen you whine and moan more in the past few months about things here than any other person. *And no, I'm not going to back that up with proof *



Well yeah, you shouldn't worry about proving shit. Whatevs Joy. I wasn't the one who called you bitter but we're all happy to hear about your full life outside of this thread. Best of luck to you.

Maybe in your 11 years nobody has ever had a user title that was an inside joke, but in this case it is.


----------



## TraciJo67

KHayes666 said:


> stuff



This is the most (unintentionally?) arrogant and assumptive post I've seen in a long time. 

Kevin, do you really think that all a woman needs -- fat or thin, young or old -- is a good man? That all of her problems will be solved, all bitterness and anger fades away, if only ... if only ... if only her Prince Charming were to be found? And do you, as a 23-year-old thin man, understand how bizarre it is to assume that you know _anything_ about the experience of being a fat woman, as unrelated to Dimensions? How dismissive to assume that younger women somehow have it any 'easier' (in the only way that you highlighted, which is all about getting the man, the man, the FA man). Much as you'd like to understand -- and I've no doubt that you would, and maybe even do to some extent -- until you're living in that fat body when the computer is turned off and you're standing in front of an employer who looks at you with only vaguely disguised contempt or your doctor tells you that the cure for your flu is weight loss -- don't ... please don't ... attempt to sell that one generation has it any 'easier' than another. I've lived for 42 years, both thin and fat and many sizes inbetween and during none of these times did I ever have a problem inspiring a boner. That's a pretty damn easy thing to do, actually. But self-esteem doesn't come from how many men find you attractive or even from finding that one special man who loves you just as you are. 

Finally, much as your post attempts to set a divide between younger and older women, I'll say this: I have no envy for my younger 'sisters', only a lot of empathy and much, much understanding for all the joy and the pain that lies ahead ... and I wouldn't trade places even if I could. I have loved every bit of life's stages so far, and I look forward to the future. The 'bitter' women of whom you've alluded (and broad-brushed pretty much ... everyone) very likely feel much the same way. The divide that I feel ... has nothing to do with the women of Dims, who, BTW *are* what make this site, for me. 

If there was one thing I could change for you, it would be to let go of the hero complex. And I say that not in a mean-spirited way, and I MEAN this. You can't save anyone. You can't make someone like herself. One day, you will come to understand that life is about so much more than attracting the 'perfect' mate. I hope, for your sake, that you learn this sooner rather than later.


----------



## escapist

Might I recommend some Hug Therapy rather than childish name calling?


----------



## thatgirl08

TraciJo67 said:


> This is the most (unintentionally?) arrogant and assumptive post I've seen in a long time.
> 
> Kevin, do you really think that all a woman needs -- fat or thin, young or old -- is a good man? That all of her problems will be solved, all bitterness and anger fades away, if only ... if only ... if only her Prince Charming were to be found? And do you, as a 23-year-old thin man, understand how bizarre it is to assume that you know _anything_ about the experience of being a fat woman, as unrelated to Dimensions? How dismissive to assume that younger women somehow have it any 'easier' (in the only way that you highlighted, which is all about getting the man, the man, the FA man). Much as you'd like to understand -- and I've no doubt that you would, and maybe even do to some extent -- until you're living in that fat body when the computer is turned off and you're standing in front of an employer who looks at you with only vaguely disguised contempt or your doctor tells you that the cure for your flu is weight loss -- don't ... please don't ... attempt to sell that one generation has it any 'easier' than another. I've lived for 42 years, both thin and fat and many sizes inbetween and during none of these times did I ever have a problem inspiring a boner. That's a pretty damn easy thing to do, actually. But self-esteem doesn't come from how many men find you attractive or even from finding that one special man who loves you just as you are.



yes yes yes a thousand times.


----------



## JoyJoy

LoveBHMS said:


> Well yeah, you shouldn't worry about proving shit. Whatevs Joy. I wasn't the one who called you bitter but we're all happy to hear about your full life outside of this thread. Best of luck to you.
> 
> Maybe in your 11 years nobody has ever had a user title that was an inside joke, but in this case it is.


I didn't actually figure that you were going around wearing a cape or anything. It's not difficult to figure out, though, Supergirl. 

And no...you didn't call me bitter, but the insinuations by your cronies that I "must" be miserable and completely bitter about life in general because I've been let down by this website is what I was addressing. Again, people seeing only what they want to see in a person's words to fortify their own agenda.


----------



## RedVelvet

You know..I skipped over that angle when trying to be gentle in a my previous post about this.

The man thing. Heh. You really stuck a stilleto into the heart of the post whilst I danced around it.

There are many reasons to love you. This is but merely one.






TraciJo67 said:


> This is the most (unintentionally?) arrogant and assumptive post I've seen in a long time.
> 
> Kevin, do you really think that all a woman needs -- fat or thin, young or old -- is a good man? That all of her problems will be solved, all bitterness and anger fades away, if only ... if only ... if only her Prince Charming were to be found? And do you, as a 23-year-old thin man, understand how bizarre it is to assume that you know _anything_ about the experience of being a fat woman, as unrelated to Dimensions? How dismissive to assume that younger women somehow have it any 'easier' (in the only way that you highlighted, which is all about getting the man, the man, the FA man). Much as you'd like to understand -- and I've no doubt that you would, and maybe even do to some extent -- until you're living in that fat body when the computer is turned off and you're standing in front of an employer who looks at you with only vaguely disguised contempt or your doctor tells you that the cure for your flu is weight loss -- don't ... please don't ... attempt to sell that one generation has it any 'easier' than another. I've lived for 42 years, both thin and fat and many sizes inbetween and during none of these times did I ever have a problem inspiring a boner. That's a pretty damn easy thing to do, actually. But self-esteem doesn't come from how many men find you attractive or even from finding that one special man who loves you just as you are.
> 
> Finally, much as your post attempts to set a divide between younger and older women, I'll say this: I have no envy for my younger 'sisters', only a lot of empathy and much, much understanding for all the joy and the pain that lies ahead ... and I wouldn't trade places even if I could. I have loved every bit of life's stages so far, and I look forward to the future. The 'bitter' women of whom you've alluded (and broad-brushed pretty much ... everyone) very likely feel much the same way. The divide that I feel ... has nothing to do with the women of Dims, who, BTW *are* what make this site, for me.
> 
> If there was one thing I could change for you, it would be to let go of the hero complex. And I say that not in a mean-spirited way, and I MEAN this. You can't save anyone. You can't make someone like herself. One day, you will come to understand that life is about so much more than attracting the 'perfect' mate. I hope, for your sake, that you learn this sooner rather than later.


----------



## KHayes666

TraciJo67 said:


> yaddayaddablahblahblah



The only thing worth replying to was the "you can't save anyone" part.

I've instituted self confidence in girls (and FA's) for 6 years now. There are some who are walking around fat and happy now when they were struggling with their weight for years until I came along.

I'm in the process of making my current g/f feel good about herself just the way she is after years of others trying to make her lose weight just for the sake of looking good. She's admitted to me that I've made her a lot less self conscious since we've been dating. In my opinion, she's a very lovely woman and just needed a little reassurance sometimes.

I will say you're partially correct in saying someone can only help themselves in the end, but when you have someone positive telling you that there's nothing wrong with you and that you're accepted just the way you are....it certainly does help for I've been on both sides.

Its not a hero complex, it comes from actually doing it. Like Kid Rock once famously said "It ain't bragging motherfucker if you back it up" You CAN make someone feel good about themselves, you CAN make a difference in someone's life and by god you CAN promote size acceptance amongst those that aren't normally into it. Confidence comes from within, but positivity from outside sources can bring it out as well.

Oh and if anyone replies saying I'm only doing it to make myself feel good, go find a bridge and take a jump.


----------



## LoveBHMS

JoyJoy said:


> I didn't actually figure that you were going around wearing a cape or anything. It's not difficult to figure out, though, Supergirl.
> 
> And no...you didn't call me bitter, but the insinuations by your cronies that I "must" be miserable and completely bitter about life in general because I've been let down by this website is what I was addressing. Again, people seeing only what they want to see in a person's words to fortify their own agenda.



What cronies? That right there is to me something I'd change about this place. Stop deciding you can hurl insults and when the other person says "I never called you bitter" decide that the insult was justified because...hey....somebody else called you bitter so taking me to task for it made sense. When I start blaming you for the stuff other people say and do, you can attack me because somebody ELSE called you bitter. Or insinuated it. Whatever.


----------



## D_A_Bunny

TraciJo67 said:


> This is the most (unintentionally?) arrogant and assumptive post I've seen in a long time.
> 
> Kevin, do you really think that all a woman needs -- fat or thin, young or old -- is a good man? That all of her problems will be solved, all bitterness and anger fades away, if only ... if only ... if only her Prince Charming were to be found? And do you, as a 23-year-old thin man, understand how bizarre it is to assume that you know _anything_ about the experience of being a fat woman, as unrelated to Dimensions? How dismissive to assume that younger women somehow have it any 'easier' (in the only way that you highlighted, which is all about getting the man, the man, the FA man). Much as you'd like to understand -- and I've no doubt that you would, and maybe even do to some extent --* until you're living in that fat body when the computer is turned off and you're standing in front of an employer who looks at you with only vaguely disguised contempt or your doctor tells you that the cure for your flu is weight loss -- don't ... please don't ... attempt to sell that one generation has it any 'easier' than another. I've lived for 42 years, both thin and fat and many sizes inbetween and during none of these times did I ever have a problem inspiring a boner. That's a pretty damn easy thing to do, actually. But self-esteem doesn't come from how many men find you attractive or even from finding that one special man who loves you just as you are. *
> 
> Finally, much as your post attempts to set a divide between younger and older women, I'll say this: I have no envy for my younger 'sisters', only a lot of empathy and much, much understanding for all the joy and the pain that lies ahead ... and I wouldn't trade places even if I could. I have loved every bit of life's stages so far, and I look forward to the future. The 'bitter' women of whom you've alluded (and broad-brushed pretty much ... everyone) very likely feel much the same way. The divide that I feel ... has nothing to do with the women of Dims, who, BTW *are* what make this site, for me.
> 
> If there was one thing I could change for you, it would be to let go of the hero complex. And I say that not in a mean-spirited way, and I MEAN this. You can't save anyone. You can't make someone like herself. One day, you will come to understand that life is about so much more than attracting the 'perfect' mate. I hope, for your sake, that you learn this sooner rather than later.





.
This bolded statement is so on the money. It could be that I had never known anything else that you have written, or seen a photo of you, and I would know *KNOW* that you have lived the life of a fat woman. Just because of the bolded statement.


----------



## D_A_Bunny

KHayes666 said:


> The only thing worth replying to was the "you can't save anyone" part.
> 
> *I've instituted self confidence in girls (and FA's) for 6 years now.* There are some who are walking around fat and happy now when they were struggling with their weight for years until I came along.
> 
> I'm in the process of making my current g/f feel good about herself just the way she is after years of others trying to make her lose weight just for the sake of looking good. She's admitted to me that I've made her a lot less self conscious since we've been dating. In my opinion, she's a very lovely woman and just needed a little reassurance sometimes.
> 
> I will say you're partially correct in saying someone can only help themselves in the end, but when you have someone positive telling you that there's nothing wrong with you and that you're accepted just the way you are....it certainly does help for I've been on both sides.
> 
> Its not a hero complex, it comes from actually doing it. Like Kid Rock once famously said "It ain't bragging motherfucker if you back it up" You CAN make someone feel good about themselves, you CAN make a difference in someone's life and by god you CAN promote size acceptance amongst those that aren't normally into it. Confidence comes from within, but positivity from outside sources can bring it out as well.
> 
> Oh and if anyone replies saying I'm only doing it to make myself feel good, go find a bridge and take a jump.







.
"Instituted" sounds more like a dictatorship regime. Or possibly being "Baker Acted".


----------



## JoyJoy

LoveBHMS said:


> What cronies? That right there is to me something I'd change about this place. Stop deciding you can hurl insults and when the other person says "I never called you bitter" decide that the insult was justified because...hey....somebody else called you bitter so taking me to task for it made sense. When I start blaming you for the stuff other people say and do, you can attack me because somebody ELSE called you bitter. Or insinuated it. Whatever.


----------



## chicken legs

TraciJo67 said:


> Kevin, do you really think that all a woman needs -- fat or thin, young or old -- is a good man? That all of her problems will be solved, all bitterness and anger fades away, if only ... if only ... if only her Prince Charming were to be found?.



I do agree...bitter, angry, easily annoyed, therapy needing, young men/women only become old bitter, angry, easily annoyed, therapy needing, men/women regardless of whom they date or marry...and regardless of their weight or health.


----------



## cinnamitch

D_A_Bunny said:


> .
> This bolded statement is so on the money. It could be that I had never known anything else that you have written, or seen a photo of you, and I would know *KNOW* that you have lived the life of a fat woman. Just because of the bolded statement.


''

Oh no it doesn't matter, all we need is a good FA to kiss it all better :doh:


----------



## escapist

KHayes666 said:


> The only thing worth replying to was the "you can't save anyone" part.
> 
> I've instituted self confidence in girls (and FA's) for 6 years now. There are some who are walking around fat and happy now when they were struggling with their weight for years until I came along.
> 
> I'm in the process of making my current g/f feel good about herself just the way she is after years of others trying to make her lose weight just for the sake of looking good. She's admitted to me that I've made her a lot less self conscious since we've been dating. In my opinion, she's a very lovely woman and just needed a little reassurance sometimes.
> 
> I will say you're partially correct in saying someone can only help themselves in the end, but when you have someone positive telling you that there's nothing wrong with you and that you're accepted just the way you are....it certainly does help for I've been on both sides.
> 
> Its not a hero complex, it comes from actually doing it. Like Kid Rock once famously said "It ain't bragging motherfucker if you back it up" You CAN make someone feel good about themselves, you CAN make a difference in someone's life and by god you CAN promote size acceptance amongst those that aren't normally into it. Confidence comes from within, but positivity from outside sources can bring it out as well.
> 
> Oh and if anyone replies saying I'm only doing it to make myself feel good, go find a bridge and take a jump.



Ok, I don't mean to bash your anything but...Rarely does altering ones self perception when hinged on the affections of another create true self-esteem. Its a very shaky foundation at best that lends itself to an emotional roller coaster, and often self-deception. While I'm sure your positive re-enforcement was a welcome change; its not till one there own perspective that gives them the fortified strength to stand their own...and as even TracyJo pretty much said, you don't need anybody but you to do that.


----------



## Wagimawr

KHayes666 said:


> I will say you're partially correct in saying someone can only *help *themselves in the end, but when you have someone positive telling you that there's nothing wrong with you and that you're accepted just the way you are....it certainly does *help *for I've been on both sides


But that's all you can do is help. People are getting from your earlier post that you think that you can actually MAKE things better, not just HELP. Is that what you think?

Before you answer, please don't forget:


----------



## JoyJoy

chicken legs said:


> I do agree...bitter, angry, easily annoyed, therapy needing, young men/women only become old bitter, angry, easily annoyed, therapy needing, men/women regardless of whom they date.


So since it's apparently okay for you to paste these labels on someone because of what they post on a forum, that means we can start doing the same to you? I doubt you'd like the ones you'd be given, based on the things you say to others outside of the BHM/FFA forum.


----------



## KHayes666

Alright, I admit I fucked up.

I have no idea what its like to be a fat woman and I never will, I was just going along with different blogs, posts and profiles I've read.

My statement was way too broad and even I agree a "Prince Charming" can't make everything in life better. I was only saying how some degree of happiness can be changed by having a significant other that you love more than anything. Jobs will still suck, bills will go through the roof, but having someone by your side takes the pressure off just a little bit. 

The age thing was something I myself came up with myself so I apologize for that too. To me it did make sense that the internet, cell phones and emails make it easier to find acceptance than it did in the 70's. Guess it doesn't make sense after all

I stand by what I said when it comes to being able to save someone, but I was wrong on the rest.


----------



## escapist

JoyJoy said:


> So since it's apparently okay for you to paste these labels on someone because of what they post on a forum, that means we can start doing the same to you? I doubt you'd like the ones you'd be given, based on the things you say to others outside of the BHM/FFA forum.



I think you misunderstood what she said.


----------



## Wagimawr

escapist said:


> I think you miss-understood what she said.


Then she wasn't alone, as I wasn't exactly sure what she was saying there.


----------



## JoyJoy

escapist said:


> I think you miss-understood what she said.


Perhaps I did. Hard to tell, though, with all the mud flying around, especially when it's a usual suspect. I'll step off now.


----------



## LoveBHMS

escapist said:


> I think you miss-understood what she said.



Dude you're 500 pounds and they're talking about your girlfriend there. I'd dare them to tell you what labels they're putting on her. Seriously. The power of the BHM needs to be engaged here.




> I do agree...bitter, angry, easily annoyed, therapy needing, young men/women only become old bitter, angry, easily annoyed, therapy needing, men/women regardless of whom they date or marry...and regardless of their weight or health.



:wubu:

Since i might be in Vegas anyway, would you be interested in gaining any weight?


----------



## KHayes666

JoyJoy said:


> Perhaps I did. Hard to tell, though, with all the mud flying around, especially when it's a usual suspect. I'll step off now.









LovesBHMS, KHayes666, Escapist, Chicken Legs.....we got an opening for the 5th member, any takers?


----------



## JoyJoy

KHayes666 said:


> LovesBHMS, KHayes666, Escapist, Chicken Legs.....we got an opening for the 5th member, any takers?


I admit I've been slinging as much mud as anyone, but I'd be much more comfortable in a different line-up. Preferably one with cushy chairs.


----------



## chicken legs

JoyJoy said:


> So since it's apparently okay for you to paste these labels on someone because of what they post on a forum, that means we can start doing the same to you? I doubt you'd like the ones you'd be given, based on the things you say to others outside of the BHM/FFA forum.




LOL...

If you think its about you...so be it if the shoe fits. However, I was actually talking about my personal experiences outside the board and I was agreeing with TJ's highlighted part but I wanted it to be clear that both men and women are like that regardless of their weight and health. Which is something some of the younger posters and maybe some of the older more sheltered posters should be aware of. Its up to the person to see the glass half full or half empty and only you can make you happy...that is..if you willing.


----------



## Wagimawr

KHayes666 said:


> LovesBHMS, KHayes666, Escapist, Chicken Legs.....we got an opening for the 5th member, any takers?


Aw hell, I'm in. Now what?


----------



## RedVelvet

KHayes666 said:


> Alright, I admit I fucked up.
> 
> I have no idea what its like to be a fat woman and I never will, I was just going along with different blogs, posts and profiles I've read.
> 
> My statement was way too broad and even I agree a "Prince Charming" can't make everything in life better. I was only saying how some degree of happiness can be changed by having a significant other that you love more than anything. Jobs will still suck, bills will go through the roof, but having someone by your side takes the pressure off just a little bit.
> 
> The age thing was something I myself came up with myself so I apologize for that too. To me it did make sense that the internet, cell phones and emails make it easier to find acceptance than it did in the 70's. Guess it doesn't make sense after all
> 
> I stand by what I said when it comes to being able to save someone, but I was wrong on the rest.




Wow. Wow. Well done! Thank you for the empathy intended and your willingness to see the excellent points Traci and others made.... (and GOD I surely don't mean to sound condecending saying that...hell, I can't even spell it right now)

But Nobody gets to be Gabriel Byrne but the man himself..and he's mine.

My boyfriend accepted this long ago.


----------



## katorade

KHayes666 said:


> I stand by what I said when it comes to being able to save someone, but I was wrong on the rest.




That's funny. I think that's what people think you're the MOST wrong about.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

escapist said:


> I think you *miss-understood* what she said.



Sorry, now I'm confused. Does "miss-understood" mean 'to comprehend as a single woman'? If so it seems kinda sexist. Or perhaps it's just the opposite of 'hit-understood'? Of course it could also be a very coveted beauty pageant title - "Miss Understood" but that wouldn't make much sense in the context of your statement. 

This thread is useless without pics!


----------



## KHayes666

katorade said:


> That's funny. I think that's what people think you're the MOST wrong about.



If I haven't done it myself I wouldn't have said so. Really, I know someone who I singlehandedly turned into a confident fat girl.

Granted, that's one single solitary case but the fact remains its happened and its possible.


----------



## katorade

Ernest Nagel said:


> This thread is useless without pics!




Pastrami countdown...5...4...3...


----------



## The Fez

dibs on Verbal


----------



## escapist

LoveBHMS said:


> Dude you're 500 pounds and they're talking about your girlfriend there. I'd dare them to tell you what labels they're putting on her. Seriously. The power of the BHM needs to be engaged here.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :wubu:
> 
> Since i might be in Vegas anyway, would you be interested in gaining any weight?



What? I did geezzzz didn't you see! I was all like, Roaaarrrrr, and they were all like, ahhhhhh. Then it was all just awwwwwww.

Besides my way is more like the Jedi Warrior anyways  



Vegas...Ok, but if I go up a pant size you gotta take me shopping too, and I'm not sure if I can even find pants to go up that big.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

KHayes666 said:


> If I haven't done it myself I wouldn't have said so. Really, I know someone who I singlehandedly turned into a confident fat girl.
> 
> Granted, that's one single solitary case but the fact remains its happened and its possible.



Kevin you need to go find an Immunity Idol. Just be quiet while you're looking and _take as long as you need_.  We'll wait here until you grow up, er, I mean get back. :goodbye:


----------



## escapist

Ernest Nagel said:


> Sorry, now I'm confused. Does "miss-understood" mean 'to comprehend as a single woman'? If so it seems kinda sexist. Or perhaps it's just the opposite of 'hit-understood'? Of course it could also be a very coveted beauty pageant title - "Miss Understood" but that wouldn't make much sense in the context of your statement.
> 
> This thread is useless without pics!



Oh man, screwed by the spell check! :doh:


----------



## LovelyLiz

KHayes666 said:


> If I haven't done it myself I wouldn't have said so. Really, I know someone who I singlehandedly turned into a confident fat girl.
> 
> Granted, that's one single solitary case but the fact remains its happened and its possible.





escapist said:


> Ok, I don't mean to bash your anything but...Rarely does altering ones self perception when hinged on the affections of another create true self-esteem. Its a very shaky foundation at best that lends itself to an emotional roller coaster, and often self-deception. While I'm sure your positive re-enforcement was a welcome change; its not till one there own perspective that gives them the fortified strength to stand their own...and as even TracyJo pretty much said, you don't need anybody but you to do that.



Yes. And based on what escapist said, and my own fat-girl life, I am going to go ahead and give the now-confident mystery fat girl at LEAST as much credit for learning to value herself as you are giving to yourself, khayes. 

Props to you, mystery fat girl.


----------



## katorade

KHayes666 said:


> If I haven't done it myself I wouldn't have said so. Really, I know someone who I singlehandedly turned into a confident fat girl.
> 
> Granted, that's one single solitary case but the fact remains its happened and its possible.



There's that hero complex. Yep, you did it all by yourself. It was all you! And as long as she stands behind you, you'll never give her any reason to ever doubt herself! Pat on the back for you!


----------



## LoveBHMS

> Vegas...Ok, but if I go up a pant size you gotta take me shopping too, and I'm not sure if I can even find pants to go up that big.



Deal!

(Actually that :wubu: was directed at Chicken Legs, but I'll let it slide)


----------



## Paquito

If new members want to learn what Dimensions is all about, just read this thread. Once the gifs start up, then the cycle will be complete.


----------



## RedVelvet

mcbeth said:


> Yes. And based on what escapist said, and my own fat-girl life, I am going to go ahead and give the now-confident mystery fat girl at LEAST as much credit for learning to value herself as you are giving to yourself, khayes.
> 
> Props to you, mystery fat girl.



Fuck yeah. That's what I was thinking. I don't really know a single person who changed because someone else changed them.... they chose it. Maybe he helped, I dunno, but man, I am thinking it's a culmination of things, you know? Life, literature, experience, (encouragement from him)..but man....all the people in the world telling me I am beautiful isn't going to convince me of it...I gotta believe it, and only I can do that.

(Fortunately I know this already..whew!  )

Way to go, MYSTERY FAT GIRL!


----------



## RedVelvet

free2beme04 said:


> If new members want to learn what Dimensions is all about, just read this thread. Once the gifs start up, then the cycle will be complete.




you know....sigh..this is correct.


----------



## Surlysomething

mcbeth said:


> Yes. And based on what escapist said, and my own fat-girl life, I am going to go ahead and give the now-confident mystery fat girl at LEAST as much credit for learning to value herself as you are giving to yourself, khayes.
> 
> Props to you, mystery fat girl.



And i'm giving the mystery fat girl a high five!


----------



## Paquito

Might as well come out with it...I am giving major props to the mystery fat girl.


----------



## escapist

free2beme04 said:


> If new members want to learn what Dimensions is all about, just read this thread. Once the gifs start up, then the cycle will be complete.



Something, something, something, Dark Side, something, something, something, COMPLETE!


----------



## KHayes666

katorade said:


> There's that hero complex. Yep, you did it all by yourself. It was all you! And as long as she stands behind you, you'll never give her any reason to ever doubt herself! Pat on the back for you!





mcbeth said:


> Yes. And based on what escapist said, and my own fat-girl life, I am going to go ahead and give the now-confident mystery fat girl at LEAST as much credit for learning to value herself as you are giving to yourself, khayes.
> 
> Props to you, mystery fat girl.





Ernest Nagel said:


> Kevin you need to go find an Immunity Idol. Just be quiet while you're looking and _take as long as you need_.  We'll wait here until you grow up, er, I mean get back. :goodbye:



A girl I was talking to online told me in January 2004 that she didn't feel confident in herself and asked me what I liked. I told her I'm attracted to fat girls, and she said if she got fat would I like her better? I said I already loved her personality but putting on a few wouldn't hurt. 5 months later she had gained 30 pounds within that time and said she felt great and was getting positive attention she'd never received before. She told me she did it for me and for me alone, no one else helped her and she wouldn't have done it without me. Its been 6 years and she still thanks me every now and then.

I already said that in most cases confident comes from within and positivity from outside sources is only help (apparently everyone either missed it or ignored it) but this is a case where this was all me.

I never said she was ugly, I never said she'd be nothing without me, I never said with me behind her at all times everything was ok......all I said was its possible to make someone confident with themselves.

Go ahead and shoot me for wanting someone to feel good about themselves. I apologized for generalizing and not knowing what its like to be a bbw, but I'm not going to apologize for feeling like I can make a positive difference in someone's life. Excuse me for wanting to promote SIZE ACCEPTANCE in other people.




free2beme04 said:


> If new members want to learn what Dimensions is all about, just read this thread. Once the gifs start up, then the cycle will be complete.



http://media.photobucket.com/image/get the fuck out GIF/_rocket47_/ari_gold.gif

Its how I feel right now


----------



## chicken legs

KHayes666 said:


> LovesBHMS, KHayes666, Escapist, Chicken Legs.....we got an opening for the 5th member, any takers?





LOL...

I more of the Reservoir Dogs type..just call me Miss Pink..


----------



## Angel

thatgirl08 said:


> I'd love it if someone would outline *specific changes* that would need to be made, in their opinion, *to make this place more hospitable* instead of the constant barrage of generalities that things just aren't the same.





LoveBHMS said:


> It's sad this post has gone un-responded to.



I'll make an attempt.

For starters...

It might help if instead of merely reading and reacting that we first tried to understand. Anyone who takes the time to try to communicate with more than snarky one liners or put downs evidently thinks they have something to share that might benefit others. Take the time to understand what they are trying to share. Every post (even by those whose lifestyle we don't agree with; or by those we don't necessarily like) is not an attempt at instigating another brawl.

It might help if a little more respect were shown. There is truth in the saying that if you want respect you need to show respect. If you want your opinions and thoughts to be heard, try listening to the opinions and thoughts of others.

It might help if some of the brashness were toned down. When someone constantly yells, uses harsh language, and or hurls accusations and insults _that_ is all that is seen. Only the brashness is seen, not the opinion or the message. After a while people get tired of the "attitude" and will completely tone the person out, skip right over their posts, or put the person on ignore. Once an individual develops a reputation for them self that causes others to lose respect for them, it is almost impossible to ever regain that respect.

The lack of respect for those who are older needs to stop. Each life that is represented here by an individual has worth. Wisdom comes from having experienced life and from the lessons learned while experiencing this thing we call life. I don't think that anyone older is saying that the younger among us are less than in any way. I do think that the point that is being missed is that those of us who are older have had more experience at living as in the relation to our time on earth and that because of that we may have a little more experience in how to deal with certain issues. That doesn't mean that we don't "hear" you or that we don't "get" you. It just means that we might have a little more to offer in the form of advice and how to deal with things because we have already experienced them ourselves. 

We each bring our own unique personality, our own set of vast life experiences, our own emotional baggage - be it good or bad, colorful or plain boring, our own likes and dislikes, and even our own set of values or beliefs here. We each choose to reveal as much or as little about ourself as we like. No one should be pressured into revealing more about them self than what they choose to and in turn no one should be ridiculed or chastised for revealing something that we may ourself consider to be a "kink" or a "fetish". _That_ is not an endorsement of having something continually shoved in the face of another either. 

I do have a couple ideas as far as forum structure and participation/harassment/bullying that may help. I've been thinking about those ideas and I think I will run them by the Webmaster first rather than posting them here.

One more thing. I think we all need to understand the origins of Dimensions, and what the intention/purpose then may have been. No one knew then that advanced technology would one day virtually make tangible print a thing of the past and that active participation would be like it is today. Whether we like it or not, agree with it or not, we need to acknowledge that the face of Dimensions _has_ changed and that it is greatly due to the *active* participation of females. BBW and SSBBW would like to be seen as more than objects of desire. We would like to be viewed as someone with a voice and as an equal. I don't think that is too much.


----------



## katorade

KHayes666 said:


> A girl I was talking to online told me in January 2004 that she didn't feel confident in herself and asked me what I liked. I told her I'm attracted to fat girls, and she said if she got fat would I like her better? I said I already loved her personality *but putting on a few wouldn't hurt.* 5 months later she had gained 30 pounds within that time and said she felt great and was getting positive attention she'd never received before. She told me she did it *for me* and for *me alone*, *no one else* helped her and she wouldn't have done it without *me*. Its been 6 years and she still *thanks me* every now and then.
> 
> I already said that in most cases confident comes from within and positivity from outside sources is only help (apparently everyone either missed it or ignored it) but this is a case where *this was all me.*
> 
> I never said she was ugly, I never said she'd be nothing without me, I never said with me behind her at all times everything was ok......all I said was its possible to *make someone confident* with themselves.
> 
> Go ahead and shoot *me for wanting* someone to feel good about themselves. I apologized for generalizing and not knowing what its like to be a bbw, but I'm not going to apologize for feeling like* I can *make a positive difference in someone's life. Excuse me for wanting to promote SIZE ACCEPTANCE in other people.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> http://media.photobucket.com/image/get the fuck out GIF/_rocket47_/ari_gold.gif
> 
> Its how I feel right now



*cough* *wheeeeeze*


----------



## chicken legs

LoveBHMS said:


> Dude you're 500 pounds and they're talking about your girlfriend there. I'd dare them to tell you what labels they're putting on her. Seriously. The power of the BHM needs to be engaged here.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :wubu:
> 
> Since i might be in Vegas anyway, would you be interested in gaining any weight?



LOL...already did the feedee thing with my ex...




Yeah I been on that side of the fence too...


----------



## TotallyReal




----------



## KHayes666

katorade said:


> *cough* *wheeeeeze*



Your passive aggressiveness is getting old....and yes I did say "Putting on a few wouldn't hurt" I was a horny 17 year old F/A, what are you gonna do about it?

Yes, I did say me me me me me me because that was my point, that's the one case where I said it was all me. Got a problem with the fact I feel like I did something on my own? Its called making a difference for the better. You should try it sometime....go ahead, drop the sarcastic eye rolls and the snarky comments and go put a smile on someone's face just once when you don't have to.

Try doing some good for others before you cough and wheeze all over me....yuck *wipes myself off frantic*


----------



## The Fez

The point is that you think you did it all for her yourself, and she didn't have a hand in it.

Either that or you're wording your statements very poorly.


----------



## LovelyLiz

KHayes666 said:


> Yes, I did say me me me me me me because that was my point, that's the one case where I said it was all me. Got a problem with the fact I feel like I did something on my own? Its called making a difference for the better. You should try it sometime....go ahead, drop the sarcastic eye rolls and the snarky comments and go put a smile on someone's face just once when you don't have to.



Have you ever complimented a woman, given her all kinds of encouragement and praise, and then at the end of all that she still didn't value herself or think of herself as beautiful and worthy as a human being? (Hint: The answer is yes.)

This is because confidence is based on MUCH more than just external affirmations. It is PRIMARILY the work of the person herself/himself. Someone can throw compliments and affections your way all day long, but the person hearing the compliments has to do the hard work of learning to let them in and believe them (and to believe them even in cases where they're not hearing compliments and/or are hearing insults). And that is *really* where the hard work comes in.

I'm not saying you had NO role in helping the situation, but the vast majority of the props still goes to mystery fat girl - since that is ultimately where confidence and true self-esteem comes from.

Go mystery fat girl, go!


----------



## KHayes666

The Fez said:


> The point is that you think you did it all for her herself, and she didn't have a hand in it herself.
> 
> Either that or you're wording your statements very poorly.



I'd have to go with wording statements poorly...been doing it all day.

She had a hand in it herself obviously, but there was no way it would have happened if I hadn't suggested it, and encouraged her along.

Like, I'm not trying to help people who don't need help. THAT'S a hero complex to say "You say you're happy, no you're not. i'll make you happy" that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the hours upon hours, days upon days, months after months, year after year of talking to men and women who have had confidence issues and taking the time to hear them out, suggest things to them, and above all else try to help them feel better.

I'm saying in one case, ONE CASE, that confidence was supplied by mostly my suggesting and encouraging....and that was my point that in some (apparently rare) cases you can be singlehandedly responsible for something.

ETA:



mcbeth said:


> Have you ever complimented a woman, given her all kinds of encouragement and praise, and then at the end of all that she still didn't value herself or think of herself as beautiful and worthy as a human being? (Hint: The answer is yes.)
> 
> This is because confidence is based on MUCH more than just external affirmations. It is PRIMARILY the work of the person herself/himself. Someone can throw compliments and affections your way all day long, but the person hearing the compliments has to do the hard work of learning to let them in and believe them (and to believe them even in cases where they're not hearing compliments and/or are hearing insults). And that is *really* where the hard work comes in.
> 
> I'm not saying you had NO role in helping the situation, but the vast majority of the props still goes to mystery fat girl - since that is ultimately where confidence and true self-esteem comes from.
> 
> Go mystery fat girl, go!



I have failed many...MANY times over the years in trying to help others feel good and confident. You're absolutely right in saying everyone has their own minds and will do whatever they feel is right. Confidence does come within, I'm not denying that.

I'm just saying its possible to be the primary factor in someone discovering a method of being happy. Its rare, but its possible.

Again, I'm not trying to say I'm a God or anything, I'm saying I actually feel in the past 6 years I've helped some people on the path to confidence. The majority of the time its all them with my encouragement only being a cherry on top. Sorry for the misunderstanding


----------



## katorade

KHayes666 said:


> Your passive aggressiveness is getting old....and yes I did say "Putting on a few wouldn't hurt" I was a horny 17 year old F/A, what are you gonna do about it?
> 
> Yes, I did say me me me me me me because that was my point, that's the one case where I said it was all me. Got a problem with the fact I feel like I did something on my own? Its called making a difference for the better. You should try it sometime....go ahead, drop the sarcastic eye rolls and the snarky comments and go put a smile on someone's face just once when you don't have to.
> 
> Try doing some good for others before you cough and wheeze all over me....yuck *wipes myself off frantic*



I'd stop coughing and wheezing if I could stop laughing long enough to catch my breath. You did not do it on your own. SHE did it. She had support doing it, but SHE did it. SHE DID. Not you. She. Also, way to be altruistic, Gandhi. Be proud of that "I helped a fat girl feel better about herself today!" merit badge. You're well on your way to Eagle Scout!

You obviously don't know what I do with my free time or what I do outside of Dimensions, or you wouldn't be able to use the "go do something about it if you don't like it" mud sling. Although, I'm not obtuse or selfish enough to say that I do what I do all by myself.


----------



## RedVelvet

KHayes666 said:


> A girl I was talking to online told me in January 2004 that she didn't feel confident in herself and asked me what I liked. I told her I'm attracted to fat girls, and she said if she got fat would I like her better? I said I already loved her personality but putting on a few wouldn't hurt. 5 months later she had gained 30 pounds within that time and said she felt great and was getting positive attention she'd never received before. She told me she did it for me and for me alone, no one else helped her and she wouldn't have done it without me. Its been 6 years and she still thanks me every now and then.



I'll bet the guy who told me I would be so beautiful if I lost 30 pounds (back when I was a mere 30 pounds over thin) thought he was helping me become a more self confident person too ...and how I had such a great personality and stuff...and..thats what he would like because he likes thin women, etc.

Well..I lost those 30 pounds...just for him and him alone.....and I did get just as much attention as I did when I was heavier..just by a different sort of guy (to whom looks mattered most..)....and then I gained the weight back, and blah blah blah.... .

And my self confidence has absolutely nothing to do with any of that sad story in the slightest. In fact, it's only when what an external source thought of me ceased to be my measure of worth did I find it.

This is a story that has been played out in different versions for a long time. You are lucky that she considered you a help..

Considering our current fat fearing society I find it amazing that a non-fat-eroticized, un-confident, self conscious girl would choose to gain weight for approval from a single person....

Extraordinary story. I would probably consider it an exception, rather than a calling.


----------



## TraciJo67

KHayes666 said:


> Alright, I admit I fucked up.
> 
> I have no idea what its like to be a fat woman and I never will, I was just going along with different blogs, posts and profiles I've read.
> 
> My statement was way too broad and even I agree a "Prince Charming" can't make everything in life better. I was only saying how some degree of happiness can be changed by having a significant other that you love more than anything. Jobs will still suck, bills will go through the roof, but having someone by your side takes the pressure off just a little bit.
> 
> The age thing was something I myself came up with myself so I apologize for that too. To me it did make sense that the internet, cell phones and emails make it easier to find acceptance than it did in the 70's. Guess it doesn't make sense after all
> 
> I stand by what I said when it comes to being able to save someone, but I was wrong on the rest.



Kevin, thank you for this. I am sincerely impressed that you've apologized for the tone of your initial post, and have offered an explanation. I know we seldom see eye-to-eye and probably will continue dancing around each other's very differing viewpoints at times, but I have to give much props to you for _this_. Thank you for having the courage and the fortitude to admit that you don't have all of the answers.

ThatGirl, Arv ... had I seen what you posted before making my own response, I wouldn't have bothered. Both of you summed it up perfectly yourselves, and covered pretty much the same ground, but ... yes. In gentler terms.


----------



## katorade

RedVelvet said:


> I'll bet the guy who told me I would be so beautiful if I lost 30 pounds (back when I was a mere 30 pounds over thin) thought he was helping me become a more self confident person too ...and how I had such a great personality and stuff...and..
> 
> Well..I lost those 30 pounds...just for him and him alone.....and I did get just as much attention as I did when I was heavier..just by a different sort of guy (to whom looks mattered most..)....and then I gained the weight back, and blah blah blah.... .
> 
> And my self confidence has absolutely nothing to do with any of that sad story in the slightest. In fact, it's only when what an external source thought of me ceased to be my measure of worth did I find it.
> 
> This is a story that has been played out in different versions for a long time. *You are lucky that she considered you a help..
> *
> Considering our current fat fearing society I find it amazing that a non-fat-eroticized, un-confident, self conscious girl would choose to gain weight for approval from a single person....
> 
> Extraordinary story. I would probably consider it an exception, rather than a calling.




The fact that she still affirms that makes me believe that she still has some traveling to do on her own road.


----------



## LoveBHMS

Angel said:


> I'll make an attempt.
> 
> For starters...
> 
> Ideas and observations.



Angel wins the thread.


----------



## RedVelvet

katorade said:


> The fact that she still affirms that makes me believe that she still has some traveling to do on her own road.




I agree of course, and wholeheartedly.....I am trying to be ....diplomatic.


----------



## KHayes666

katorade said:


> I'd stop coughing and wheezing if I could stop laughing long enough to catch my breath. You did not do it on your own. SHE did it. She had support doing it, but SHE did it. SHE DID. Not you. She. Also, way to be altruistic, Gandhi. Be proud of that "I helped a fat girl feel better about herself today!" merit badge. You're well on your way to Eagle Scout!
> 
> You obviously don't know what I do with my free time or what I do outside of Dimensions, or you wouldn't be able to use the "go do something about it if you don't like it" mud sling. Although, I'm not obtuse or selfish enough to say that I do what I do all by myself.



Eagle Scout...I like that. 

Selfish is doing something for your own merit, there are a lot of times where I didn't want to talk to certain people or do certain things but I did anyway because others needed it. I feel in my heart that in one case I was the primary reason for bringing someone along.

Misogynist, hero complex, selfish....any other pathetic un-true phrases you want to throw at me?


----------



## katorade

KHayes666 said:


> Eagle Scout...I like that.
> 
> Selfish is doing something for your own merit, there are a lot of times where I didn't want to talk to certain people or do certain things but I did anyway because others needed it. I feel in my heart that in one case I was the primary reason for bringing someone along.
> 
> Misogynist, hero complex, selfish....any other pathetic un-true phrases you want to throw at me?




You forgot obtuse.


----------



## superodalisque

LillyBBBW said:


> It has always been my belief that size acceptance is very exclusionary in the way it is practiced by most people. Not everyone is welcomed in SA. There is always someone with a thing against paysite models, skinny people, people over 300 pounds, midsized bbws, FAs, people who have weightloss surgery, the disabled, over achievers or anybody else people feel marginalized by or they feel ruins the picture for them. To me size acceptance doesn't exist except with individuals. Those personal inner resolutions translate to a person's behavior going forward and can create change just in the day to day goings. That has been my belief anyway, not that I'm claiming to be perfect in my thinking all the time. I'm still a work in progress but I tend to be very cynical about anything strictly labeled "Size Acceptance" because it has come to mean "Believe as [we] do" far too often. SA will always have factions breaking off who feel disenfranchised or boxed in by dogma. It seems to happen in cycles and is a clear example why lots of SA sites and movements fail after a while.



this i agree with 100%. the way that most people seem to like to practice SA is by trying to restrict other people. those restrictions of other people's freedom to be who they are has a deadening affect. i don't think its a problem to bring SA into any discussion as long as people resist the temptation of trying to always tell other people what is proper to believe and being punitive and dismissive if they don't share the same beliefs. i don't think there would be a problem incorporating SA here if there weren't people who feel they have the right to write the bible on SA and to tell everyone else how to worship at the temple.


----------



## KHayes666

katorade said:


> You forgot obtuse.



I slept through geometry in high school, for all I know it could be true.


----------



## cinnamitch

KHayes666 said:


> A girl I was talking to online told me in January 2004 that she didn't feel confident in herself and asked me what I liked. I told her I'm attracted to fat girls,
> 
> 
> 
> *and she said if she got fat would I like her better?*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Its how I feel right now
Click to expand...


Kevin right there was when you should have said and said it with emphasis that you liked her just like she was, and not add the if you gained xx pounds i'd like you even more. Can you not see she was unsure of herself and wanted your approval. Instead of giving approval to who she was, you basically told her she could be better if she did so and so. You put the focus on what you would like to see, and probably not even intentionally. You could have meant it totally in an innocent way but those little words following if were all she heard. She changed for you and you only. You admit it. Thats not how it should be. No one should change for someone else. Change for yourself and please please encourage others to be who they are, no conditions no exceptions and if it makes a possible relationship or even friendship unfeasible, then at least you were both honest.


----------



## tonynyc

KHayes666 said:


> I slept through geometry in high school, for all I know it could be true.



*I*f your Math teacher was a BBW then you would have stayed awake


----------



## chicken legs

Angel said:


> I'll make an attempt.
> 
> 
> One more thing. I think we all need to understand the origins of Dimensions, and what the intention/purpose then may have been. No one knew then that advanced technology would one day virtually make tangible print a thing of the past and that active participation would be like it is today. Whether we like it or not, agree with it or not, we need to acknowledge that the face of Dimensions _has_ changed and that it is greatly due to the *active* participation of females. BBW and SSBBW would like to be seen as more than objects of desire. We would like to be viewed as someone with a voice and as an equal. I don't think that is too much.



You did a good job of pin pointing the discussion and its not to much to ask.

However, there are many sites by BBW's for BBW/SSBBW that have a more feminine feel and as less sexual feel than this site ..which is by a FA for FA's.


----------



## KHayes666

tonynyc said:


> *I*f your Math teacher was a BBW then you would have stayed awake



My junior year was an anorexic soccer coach....maybe that's why lol


----------



## cinnamitch

Geometry sucks, you didn't miss much.



KHayes666 said:


> My junior year was an anorexic soccer coach....maybe that's why lol


----------



## superodalisque

tonynyc said:


> *I*f your Math teacher was a BBW then you would have stayed awake



i know all of my students know thier terms even non FAs. everyone seems interested in something big to look at in class. i think it must be more interesting. maybe its the equal to looking out of the window into the big wide world.


----------



## KHayes666

tonynyc said:


> *I*f your Math teacher was a BBW then you would have stayed awake



I forgot to add, my senior year science teacher was a BBW (now SSBBW, didn't even know until I went to my reunion) and of course I listened


----------



## superodalisque

cinnamitch said:


> Geometry sucks, you didn't miss much.



i bet he knows all about circles--circumferences, perimeters etc...


----------



## kioewen

cinnamitch said:


> No one should change for someone else. Change for yourself and please please encourage others to be who they are, no conditions no exceptions and if it makes a possible relationship or even friendship unfeasible, then at least you were both honest.



What??? This is a recipe for keeping people alone their whole lives. Being "honest" is little comfort when you're perpetually single.

What if someone is by nature a jerk? Shouldn't they "change for someone else"? Or at least try? I should think so.

Oh, I know. The response will be, "I only mean physically." Really? If I was pursuing someone, really cared for them and adored them, and it mattered to them that I be muscular instead of thin, I'd be perfectly willing to do the whole gym thing. It would seem like a small thing to do, on my end, if it meant a lot to them.

Relationships are compromise. Oh, I'm sure some people just magically find perfectly compatible soulmates, but the odds against that happening for everyone are astronomical. For the rest of us, we have to change -- or end up "honest" and alone.


----------



## escapist

Angel said:


> I'll make an attempt.
> 
> ...BBW and SSBBW would like to be seen as more than objects of desire. We would like to be viewed as someone with a voice and as an equal..



How is that different from any human being that wishes to socially connect with others? Its a pretty basic human need to make real connections. I used to suffer thinking that others loved my body parts not me. However, it was a very long time ago. I have long since got past thinking about constantly. Instead I just run a small check of, "Ok, is this person into me or just how I look." Even if it was just my body why would I hate on them for being attracted to my body. Not everybody has the time or ability to truly get to know everyone. Thinking the issue of being an object of desire is restricted to male or female is ridiculous. We all love to be truly loved. Thats it, no more not less.


----------



## James

superodalisque said:


> this i agree with 100%. the way that *most people seem to like to practice SA is by trying to restrict other people*. those restrictions of other people's freedom to be who they are has a deadening affect. i don't think its a problem to bring SA into any discussion as long as people resist the temptation of trying to always tell other people what is proper to believe and being punitive and dismissive if they don't share the same beliefs. i don't think there would be a problem incorporating SA here if there weren't *people who feel they have the right to write the bible on SA and to tell everyone else how to worship at the temple.*



Ah yes. Now this is the real nuts and bolts of our little issue here isn't it. If one stands back and looks at the panorama, it becomes evident that a successful SA movement must be unified under a broader umbrella and not divided, where it has been (and will continue to be) conquered. SA lies in bringing all the strands together (including sexuality, civil rights, social normalization... to name only a few). Each part is important. Vital even. Dimensions plays a big role in realizing some of those parts but it has never professed to be entity that will synthesize all of them together in the way that ultimately will be required for SA success. Its valuable... its an important part of the engine... but it is no more than a part of the engine... let alone the finished vehicle to get us to our destination.


----------



## joswitch

JoyJoy said:


> Kevin,
> While I do, in a way, appreciate your effort, you really should quit trying to analyze the situation because you only serve to dig a deeper hole.* You can't for a minute think that you understand things from my POV*, and* merely come across as arrogant and condescending in trying to.*



Yes, god forbid we try to understand each other.. that really would be the end of the world as we know it.... And let's make sure to kick anyone that even tries... cos that'll really encourage people to try and empathise with others..... /sacrcasm

Seriously, a simple, "No, you're wrong. here's why... " woulda done.


----------



## cinnamitch

A person has to want to change the behavior for them . Yes it's nice to say change for someone else, but then if something happens and that someone is no longer around, i guess you could go back to the old behavior huh. People have to want to be better for them , to act better for them, to stop focusing on being something for someone else and make it better for themselves. To do any other way, only sets up the perpetual oh i did the best i could for ( insert person here) and it didn't work so why bother?





kioewen said:


> What??? This is a recipe for keeping people alone their whole lives. Being "honest" is little comfort when you're perpetually single.
> 
> What if someone is by nature a jerk? Shouldn't they "change for someone else"? Or at least try? I should think so.
> 
> Oh, I know. The response will be, "I only mean physically." Really? If I was pursuing someone, really cared for them and adored them, and it mattered to them that I be muscular instead of thin, I'd be perfectly willing to do the whole gym thing. It would seem like a small thing to do, on my end, if it meant a lot to them.
> 
> Relationships are compromise. Oh, I'm sure some people just magically find perfectly compatible soulmates, but the odds against that happening for everyone are astronomical. For the rest of us, we have to change -- or end up "honest" and alone.


----------



## Jon Blaze

When I originally found DIMS (Age withheld lol) I was still finding out about myself. I understood back then that the admiration concept was not the same as the more acceptance/activist concept, but that in a lot of cases they at least knew or supported each other. Well I guess that's more of what I hoped for and expected, but now realize that's not always true.

I think the best way to describe Dims is a combination of Size Acceptance Lite, Fat Admiration with erotic weight gain thrown in. 

I compare it to Curvage. One poster said (Verbatim): Curvage is a place where those that like thin women to x degree and fat women to x degree can find a place of like minded, but more importantly to admire women as whole and see similarities in how the posters feel.

That's how I feel about Dims. It was founded strongly on fat admiration (With OP having support for the political side), and is now a combination of what I just mentioned and more.

In general I try to respect everyone. I have personal views that not all of these things are compatible together in real life (If you don't know by my posts by now you can PM me and I'll gladly explain), however, I try to be tactful about how I feel, and in general none of the concepts above on their own offend me in any way.

I know I'm not perfect though.

For me the only real difference I can see from the old boards is that there didn't seem to be a lot of interacting between the various boards/concepts. Again: Just how I feel. Most people stuck to x board(s) from what I noticed. 

It seemed to be pretty smooth back then, but I like how Dims has opened up. With the big influx of members there's an increased number of bad apples, but for me I've really enjoyed to new additions and number of posts. In the past I'd never roam the BHM/FFA board: Now I occasionally go because seeing the similarities in the mindsets of FFAs and FAs intrigues me.

The LGBT gets all my support. The events board has helped a lot of people out (Though there was many threads about events in the past). 

(OT of above: Well I think Fat Admiration can be a fetish for some people, but it is not in itself one. It's really broad though.)


----------



## Fish

JoyJoy said:


> Yes, really. I rarely say things on here that I don't mean. I'm merely decoration here, and as long as I hang around and be sweet and pleasant and show my wobbly bits, all is well. The boys get uncomfortable if the wimmin talk too much.



And once again, I hate the categories my gender gets be grouped in with. *Sigh*


----------



## Surlysomething

Dims is whatever I want it to be. Just like everything else on the internet.


Sometimes i'm consumed with the Foodee threads...true story.

:bow:


----------



## AnnMarie

I will never stop finding it fascinating that long-standing members and contributors here can see a place so differently, and be so genuinely shocked and put-off by hearing the reiteration of what it's creation/mission/purpose has been. 

I've been here those long 11 years, 12 I guess now - so I'm one of the old ladies. However, since the day I got here, I understood this place to be exactly (word for word) what Conrad puts forth in the OP. 


And I like it. Just as it is - perceived warts and all.


----------



## AnnMarie

Jon Blaze said:


> For me the only real difference I can see from the old boards is that there didn't seem to be a lot of interacting between the various boards/concepts. Again: Just how I feel. Most people stuck to x board(s) from what I noticed.





True, true, true. Not sure why that "I'm going to play in this sandbox because I like it best" is not possible now, but seems lost for sure. One of the only things I actually miss about the old boards.


----------



## Wagimawr

katorade said:


> You did not do it on your own. SHE did it. She had support doing it, but SHE did it. SHE DID. Not you. She.





katorade said:


> The fact that she still affirms that makes me believe that she still has some traveling to do on her own road.



These two statements seem at odds.

Explain, _por favor_? If her doing it herself is a positive thing, as you seem to suggest in your first post, then why is her acknowledgment of his help in that process a less positive thing, as "still has some traveling to do on her own road" would suggest?


----------



## katorade

Wagimawr said:


> These two statements seem at odds.
> 
> Explain, _por favor_? If her doing it herself is a positive thing, as you seem to suggest in your first post, then why is her acknowledgment of his help in that process a less positive thing, as "still has some traveling to do on her own road" would suggest?




Just that the feeling from the story comes across that the girl in question may have come into her own on some level, but probably still has a lot of self-examination to do. Of course, that's just a personal view, since I'm not her, nor can I ask her. It's an observation as a woman that used to be a young woman seeking the same kinds of approval, and I don't think I'm alone in that thought.


----------



## Wagimawr

Is it a negative, then, that a woman would require that kind of approval to come into their own, and as such, her acknowledgment of his part in it is a bad sign?


----------



## chicken legs

Models **usually** dont become models because they feel they can do the job. **Usually** someone who sees their potential and points it out to them is when they realize that they could indeed be a models. 

And you could replace the word "model" with writer, dancer, MMA fighter, pilot, or whatever.

Basically, what I'm saying is people can infuse you with confidence or take it away depending on how you feel about them.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

A cross-sectional sub-species analysis of the Free-Range Dims Member (_Dimensionae rotundus sapiens_):

The Batshit Crazies: I'm going to post some really hurtful shit and deny I said it for the next two weeks until I get embroiled in another 20-page thread controversy.

The Godmins: I shall smite thy offensive post with all the smitey smitiness of my...smite key!

The Board Babes: My 4,000 calorie milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard!

The Lotharios: I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! SLURRP! I DRINK IT UPP! AND HERS, AND HERS, AND THIS BABE OVER HERE! My junk has hit so much tail on this board from here to Albuquerque that it looks like a steamer trunk...

Paysite Sycophants: I likes the pretty girls and the big fat fuck fantasy and can you please post more pics while I post unflattering cam captures of myself, hee hee hoo hoo ah ahhhhh...WHERE'S THE LANOLIN?!!!

The Cognoscenti: All these boards are yours except WLS. Attempt no landing there. Use them together. Use them in peace. Oh who the fuck am I kidding...throw down, bitch!

The Bitches: I'm just here to bitch and make myself look smarter, superior and more attractive than any of you. My 20 cats agree with me, so I must be right.

The Assholes: What that smarmy bitch just said, minus all the pussies. Tut, tut, cheerio and I'm off to have my tea and scones while I verbally assault someone because my parents didn't love me. I'd follow up to your rebuke but I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes.

Smarmy boys: I'd insert a witty comment, but I'm too busy designing lolcats.

Uber nerds: This thread is exactly like episode 75 of Next Generation, except less Worf. Check out my Gundam collection in the background of my display picture, isn't it rad?!

The Heartless Bastards: I slam fat girls in public but love to screw them in private because they're easy and they all want me, too. Check out my awesome pectoral muscles and complete lack of respect for your emotions!

The Fetishists: You need more weight, stretch marks and chins. The edema isn't unhealthy at all...in fact, it's positively fappable. It's not sexy until it has it's own gravity well.

The Scary Fetishists: It rubs the lotion on it's stretch marks or else it gets the hose again! Oh, and you need to gain another 100 lbs.. In six months.

The Skinny FFAs: Fat boys rock! Now I can be edgy and against the grain and make big boy dreams come true! Sure, there are only 30 of us in the world, but there are others out there, far across the heavens, in the closet, just waiting to find our perfect John Goodman lookalike!

The Jack Sprats: The cool thing about being 120 lbs. to her 400 is that I fit neatly into carryon luggage compartments. Or her belly rolls. I can continue to stay healthy while she gains due to my mutant fruit fly metabolism.

The Virgins: I LIEK BOOBZ! Vaginas are weird, we loves them but they scares us, Preciousss...

The Younglings: I'm 22 and know everything about the wurld and how dare you pit your 30 years of wisdom against my post-high school, neo-collegiate angst! I mean, I've read Harry Potter and Twilight 20 fucking times! I had sex last week, twice! Peace out.

The Elders: You're 22, you don't know shit about shit, much less relationships, heartbreak, parenting, divorce, debt, health issues due to 30 years of being 100 lbs. overweight and all the sordid personalities of this board that existed before you were a fucking ZYGOTE! Pull up your pants and get the Hell off my lawn!

Sylvia Plathites: Death surrounds us all, loneliness wraps us like a cold blanket full of Cheetos residue and stale Skittles. I don't know why some of us keep on going except to post one...last...meaningful...statement!

The Comedians: Hey did you hear I got a weak back? When did you get a weak back? Oh, about a week back! WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA! Oh, and shit, piss, fuck, boobs, peace, love and crabs!

I may be missing a few but that about covers it.


----------



## Wagimawr

Fucking hell, sir. There's not enough rep.


----------



## Surlysomething

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> A cross-sectional sub-species analysis of the Free-Range Dims Member (_Dimensionae rotundus sapiens_):
> 
> 
> I may be missing a few but that about covers it.




I chuckled out-loud and that doesn't happen often. 

Copy and saved before it gets moderated out of here. Haha.


----------



## katorade

Wagimawr said:


> Is it a negative, then, that a woman would require that kind of approval to come into their own, and as such, her acknowledgment of his part in it is a bad sign?



No, not that it's negative, just that it's most likely an incomplete process. Outside praise can light a fire, or help along the way, and that's all great, but can it be fulfilling enough to complete _self_-confidence in someone? No. That's still relying on others to give it to you.


----------



## Wagimawr

That's how I _thought_ the process worked.


----------



## RedVelvet

I wonder which one I am. There are two cats here..they aren't mine.

You left out the "nice sane people"..they exist. You can call them the Tinas!!! 


(that was hilarious....so much offense in such a small space.)

Will rep as soon as I can again, dammit.


----------



## kioewen

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> A cross-sectional sub-species analysis of the Free-Range Dims Member
> 
> [. . .]
> 
> I may be missing a few but that about covers it.



Which category covers you?


----------



## chicken legs

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> A cross-sectional sub-species analysis of the Free-Range Dims Member (_Dimensionae rotundus sapiens_):
> 
> .



OK...whats your I.Q.? 

I think I oscillate between a few of them:blush:


----------



## Jon Blaze

WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT VIRGINS?!!??! I'll beat cho ass!

Aww damn.. Now I'm an asshole. I WANT A RECOUNT!


----------



## Mystic Rain

I've struggled with being overweight all of my life, even when I was on the "thin" spectrum. When I found Dimensions about nearly five years ago, I was like "Is this actually for real?". It took me a couple of years to realize it was okay to be fat even though at that time I didn't really want to be.

Truth be told, I was fascinated with weight gain, yet I hated myself because I couldn't find acceptance. I was endlessly and mercilessly picked on for my weight. When I was 12 years old, I secretly wrote about a very fat girl who magically kept gaining weight with everything she ate. It was expressing disgust at myself, but I found that it also had the opposite effect on me. I couldn't stop writing making her bigger and bigger. 

A few years later, I started another story, but that one was a little more realistic. Still, the character was a very fat girl and she overate and was always hungry. I wrote three stories total over the years, but none were finished and all were destroyed years ago.

When I began to lose weight around 17-18, I felt better, but I still had issues. I struggled to maintain my weight and when I started my first job, I easily packed on the pounds due to eating all the food. I tried again for years to monitor my intake, but I would literally cry over whether I could have the doughnut or cupcake without hurting anything and I really wanted it. It never helped things either to have a thin-obsessed mother. 

When I moved out three years ago for a short time, my schedule was so screwed and I began eating later and later. The weight started creeping up on me and at first I panicked, but then I was like "I can't take this anymore. Screw it. If I get fat again, I just get fat." And it was like something in me snapped because I purposely began eating more and more. 

It didn't take long before I began to see the effects. My weight sky-rocketed, I outgrew clothes as I got bigger and bigger. I've gained 100lbs in three years and 12 dress sizes. I'm heavier now than I've ever been in my life, but it doesn't bother me so much anymore as it did and I believe Dims has helped me with that. I even feel I want to gain more at some point. It's the fascination at how much bigger could I possibly get.


----------



## Jon Blaze

Huge mistake.. Hehe. (Edit)


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

kioewen said:


> Which category covers you?



I really hate labels...


----------



## tonynyc

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> I really hate labels...



Hmmm then you might fall under the Dims sub-species category of "Other" or "Unknown"....

and what of our dedicated "Health Enthusiasts" of the Dims Boards.......


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

tonynyc said:


> and what of our dedicated "Health Enthusiasts" of the Dims Boards.......



Don't go getting your chocolate in our peanut butter!

Somehow I tend to feel that the combination of a healthy living board in Dims is like a screen door on a submarine. But I haven't really explored that too much.


----------



## DeniseW

ok, I have to know, Conrad, was this another experiment???


----------



## thatgirl08

KHayes666 said:


> A girl I was talking to online told me in January 2004 that she didn't feel confident in herself and asked me what I liked. I told her I'm attracted to fat girls, and she said if she got fat would I like her better? I said I already loved her personality but putting on a few wouldn't hurt. 5 months later she had gained 30 pounds within that time and said she felt great and was getting positive attention she'd never received before. She told me she did it for me and for me alone, no one else helped her and she wouldn't have done it without me. Its been 6 years and she still thanks me every now and then.



I really, really hate the idea that some girl gained 30 pounds to make you happy. Even if it did make herself happier in the long run (doubtful) I hate to hear that anyone is putting pressure on girls who are clearly vulnerable.. and stories like this make it seems like it's all okay.. but it's not. I don't know who said it (I just read through like.. 6 pages!) but I think it was RedVelvet.. about how a man asked her to lose 30 pounds.. Kevin, it's the same thing. It doesn't make you a hero.. it makes you manipulative. THIS is not the feederism I want to be associated with because it isn't the feederism I practice in my life.


----------



## tonynyc

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Don't go getting your chocolate in our peanut butter!
> 
> Somehow I tend to feel that the combination of a healthy living board in Dims is like a screen door on a submarine. But I haven't really explored that too much.



Now aren't Reese's Peanut Butter cups the best ...

Also, one of the best things is to see folks that are both big and athletic.. You should explore the Health thread we have some folks that are doing some great stuff as far as enjoying fitness...It's all about lifestyle...


----------



## superodalisque

thatgirl08 said:


> I really, really hate the idea that some girl gained 30 pounds to make you happy. Even if it did make herself happier in the long run (doubtful) I hate to hear that anyone is putting pressure on girls who are clearly vulnerable.. and stories like this make it seems like it's all okay.. but it's not. I don't know who said it (I just read through like.. 6 pages!) but I think it was RedVelvet.. about how a man asked her to lose 30 pounds.. Kevin, it's the same thing. It doesn't make you a hero.. it makes you manipulative. THIS is not the feederism I want to be associated with because it isn't the feederism I practice in my life.



i made a remark about this kind of manipulation happening in another thread and i was told angrily that it doesn't happen. i think even though its rare it happens more than it should. i just hope people who are new and maybe not aware note this. *i don't think this is common at all but i think sometimes its very easy for some people to convince themselves that what they are doing is not manipulation and even that its somehow helping someone's self esteem*. i'm really glad to see another person involved in the culture is trying to truthfully bring awareness and not somehow make it alright maybe you can make him aware of what is really going on with this.


----------



## LoveBHMS

DeniseW said:


> ok, I have to know, Conrad, was this another experiment???



Possibly. I hadn't thought of it but I did notice he hasn't responded to any of the requests to clarify anything he said or directly answer any questions.


----------



## thatgirl08

superodalisque said:


> i made a remark about this kind of manipulation happening in another thread and i was told angrily that it doesn't happen. i think even though its rare it happens more than it should. i just hope people who are new and maybe not aware note this. i don't think this is common at all but i think sometimes its very easy for some people to convince themselves that what they are doing is not manipulation and even that its somehow helping someone's self esteem. i'm really glad to see another person involved in the culture is trying to truthfully bring awareness and not somehow make it alright *maybe you can make him aware of what is really going on with this. *



I wish I could but some people have a knack of ignoring common sense.


----------



## thatgirl08

Angel said:


> I'll make an attempt.
> 
> For starters...
> 
> It might help if instead of merely reading and reacting that we first tried to understand. Anyone who takes the time to try to communicate with more than snarky one liners or put downs evidently thinks they have something to share that might benefit others. Take the time to understand what they are trying to share. Every post (even by those whose lifestyle we don't agree with; or by those we don't necessarily like) is not an attempt at instigating another brawl.
> 
> It might help if a little more respect were shown. There is truth in the saying that if you want respect you need to show respect. If you want your opinions and thoughts to be heard, try listening to the opinions and thoughts of others.
> 
> It might help if some of the brashness were toned down. When someone constantly yells, uses harsh language, and or hurls accusations and insults _that_ is all that is seen. Only the brashness is seen, not the opinion or the message. After a while people get tired of the "attitude" and will completely tone the person out, skip right over their posts, or put the person on ignore. Once an individual develops a reputation for them self that causes others to lose respect for them, it is almost impossible to ever regain that respect.
> 
> The lack of respect for those who are older needs to stop. Each life that is represented here by an individual has worth. Wisdom comes from having experienced life and from the lessons learned while experiencing this thing we call life. I don't think that anyone older is saying that the younger among us are less than in any way. I do think that the point that is being missed is that those of us who are older have had more experience at living as in the relation to our time on earth and that because of that we may have a little more experience in how to deal with certain issues. That doesn't mean that we don't "hear" you or that we don't "get" you. It just means that we might have a little more to offer in the form of advice and how to deal with things because we have already experienced them ourselves.
> 
> We each bring our own unique personality, our own set of vast life experiences, our own emotional baggage - be it good or bad, colorful or plain boring, our own likes and dislikes, and even our own set of values or beliefs here. We each choose to reveal as much or as little about ourself as we like. No one should be pressured into revealing more about them self than what they choose to and in turn no one should be ridiculed or chastised for revealing something that we may ourself consider to be a "kink" or a "fetish". _That_ is not an endorsement of having something continually shoved in the face of another either.
> 
> I do have a couple ideas as far as forum structure and participation/harassment/bullying that may help. I've been thinking about those ideas and I think I will run them by the Webmaster first rather than posting them here.
> 
> One more thing. I think we all need to understand the origins of Dimensions, and what the intention/purpose then may have been. No one knew then that advanced technology would one day virtually make tangible print a thing of the past and that active participation would be like it is today. Whether we like it or not, agree with it or not, we need to acknowledge that the face of Dimensions _has_ changed and that it is greatly due to the *active* participation of females. BBW and SSBBW would like to be seen as more than objects of desire. We would like to be viewed as someone with a voice and as an equal. I don't think that is too much.



I have to think out a full reply to this but I just wanted to say thanks for actually taking the time to write out suggestions. In a general sense, I agree with you but there are some things, imo, that need to be added.


----------



## superodalisque

thatgirl08 said:


> I wish I could but some people have a knack of ignoring common sense.



thanks for trying anyway


----------



## superodalisque

katorade said:


> No, not that it's negative, just that it's most likely an incomplete process. Outside praise can light a fire, or help along the way, and that's all great, but can it be fulfilling enough to complete _self_-confidence in someone? No. That's still relying on others to give it to you.



they wouldn't let me rep you again


----------



## lovelocs

I think it is possible for one person to save another. It's just think that it takes so much time and dedication on both parts that it's rare as gold... I think it's much more common for one person to open another's eyes.
My ex did this for me. At the time (about nine years ago) I was, if not happy, then at least resigned to being considered sexless. I'm heavier. I'm bookish. I'm funny. I have "weird" natural hair people don't always know how to interpret. I was everybody's fat friend, and on the periphery. I was fun to be around, and supportive, but at the end of the night I went home alone while people went back to fiances or husbands or boyfriends that I listened to them bitch about. I had been seen as asexual for so long that I simply didn't know how to change, and it hurt too much to think about, so I didn't. I hated the stretch marks, the nipples that looked straight down, the ass and stomach poked out in opposite directions. Whenever I saw someone who looked like me in the media, it was always a "before" picture. I covered it all up, physically and emotionally, all the time.
Along comes X. He's fat and sassy, and incredibly horny. He loves my body, and he kinda likes me. He comes over for sex, and snacks. Frequently. Of course, we could and did talk, and we were genuinely fond of one another, but it was mainly physical. He loved breasts and bottoms (saggy or not), and said stretchmarks are just part of being an adult. He thought my stomach was just an added curve. And it wasn't just words. 
It changed my life, then and now. Knowing that I was physically attractive to someone was a relief. That relief removed anxiety, and the lack of anxiety freed up brainspace that I could use in other areas of my life. (I generally find that a good romp improves productivity). Of course, I can look in the mirror and tell myself I'm beautiful, and my mom can say it. But at the end of the day I'm a heterosexual woman. I am attracted to, and like to attract, men. (If you're gay, feel free to insert the appropriate sex). And when you think about how basic the urge to mate is, it makes sense that the lack of it could have caused unhappiness on my part. We haven't evolved beyond our basic needs, we've just complicated them. 
So X improved my life. Did he save me? No. My only consolation is that I'm not the woman he eventually married. Was he a hero? No, just a horny old goat. Am I grateful for him? Yes. He helped me to understand that I could be truly physically attractive, something I think most people want in their lives.


----------



## superodalisque

lovelocs said:


> I think it is possible for one person to save another. It's just think that it takes so much time and dedication on both parts that it's rare as gold... I think it's much more common for one person to open another's eyes.
> My ex did this for me. At the time (about nine years ago) I was, if not happy, then at least resigned to being considered sexless. I'm heavier. I'm bookish. I'm funny. I have "weird" natural hair people don't always know how to interpret. I was everybody's fat friend, and on the periphery. I was fun to be around, and supportive, but at the end of the night I went home alone while people went back to fiances or husbands or boyfriends that I listened to them bitch about. I had been seen as asexual for so long that I simply didn't know how to change, and it hurt too much to think about, so I didn't. I hated the stretch marks, the nipples that looked straight down, the ass and stomach poked out in opposite directions. Whenever I saw someone who looked like me in the media, it was always a "before" picture. I covered it all up, physically and emotionally, all the time.
> Along comes X. He's fat and sassy, and incredibly horny. He loves my body, and he kinda likes me. He comes over for sex, and snacks. Frequently. Of course, we could and did talk, and we were genuinely fond of one another, but it was mainly physical. He loved breasts and bottoms (saggy or not), and said stretchmarks are just part of being an adult. He thought my stomach was just an added curve. And it wasn't just words.
> It changed my life, then and now. Knowing that I was physically attractive to someone was a relief. That relief removed anxiety, and the lack of anxiety freed up brainspace that I could use in other areas of my life. (I generally find that a good romp improves productivity). Of course, I can look in the mirror and tell myself I'm beautiful, and my mom can say it. But at the end of the day I'm a heterosexual woman. I am attracted to, and like to attract, men. (If you're gay, feel free to insert the appropriate sex). And when you think about how basic the urge to mate is, it makes sense that the lack of it could have caused unhappiness on my part. We haven't evolved beyond our basic needs, we've just complicated them.
> So X improved my life. Did he save me? No. My only consolation is that I'm not the woman he eventually married. Was he a hero? No, just a horny old goat. Am I grateful for him? Yes. He helped me to understand that I could be truly physically attractive, something I think most people want in their lives.



life is like this--very complex. but reading this makes me extremely sad for you too. ty for writing it.


----------



## rainyday

Webmaster said:


> So that's what Dimensions is and has always been, a size-positive place *for FAs and the people they admire. Nothing more and nothing less.*



Just read through two days of posts and wrote about five different replies along the way. Erased them all. This quoted part though is the one thing I keep coming back to, and the realization that the bolded part wasn't written as "for FAs and fat people." Instead it's for FAs and [people defined by how FAs see them]. FAs and their accessories. 

Not a new realization I guess--that realization's been coming on for a while now. Just jolting--and clarifying--and motivating--to see it in black and white.


----------



## katherine22

rainyday said:


> Just read through two days of posts and wrote about five different replies along the way. Erased them all. This quoted part though is the one thing I keep coming back to, and the realization that the bolded part wasn't written as "for FAs and fat people." Instead it's for FAs and [people defined by how FAs see them]. FAs and their accessories.
> 
> Not a new realization I guess--that realization's been coming on for a while now. Just jolting--and clarifying--and motivating--to see it in black and white.



The people they[FAs] admired decided that they wanted a voice in the receiving of the admiration. For some FAs life became more complicated from having to endure responses from those "uppity" fat women.


----------



## mossystate

I should have had a live...live...LIVE...LIVE cam show.....showing my face as I read/skimmed the posts in this thread since this morning.


Dramatic Lemur......would have had nothing on me.


Jesus.


I just am truly....truly.....glad that I am not one who will let anyone make me doubt myself...not in any real way......I feel beyond sad that some will take some of the crap to heart.

It makes me feel sick to my stomach......and where it is sometimes coming from, and the ' lessons ' being thrown about by...well......yeah.....................breathtaking.....my.......god.


----------



## rainyday

katherine22 said:


> The people they[FAs] admired decided that they wanted a voice in the receiving of the admiration. For some FAs life became more complicated from having to endure responses from those "uppity" fat women.



The dismissal isn't exclusive to fat women though. It applies just as equally to BHMs.


----------



## jenboo

chicken legs said:


> LOL...
> 
> If you think its about you...so be it if the shoe fits. However, I was actually talking about my personal experiences outside the board and I was agreeing with TJ's highlighted part but I wanted it to be clear that both men and women are like that regardless of their weight and health. Which is something some of the younger posters and maybe some of the older more sheltered posters should be aware of. Its up to the person to see the glass half full or half empty and only you can make you happy...that is..if you willing.




Seriously can you take this argument somewhere else? I am trying to actually read responses about what dimensions is about but this pissing contest is wasting pages and pages of dialogue that could be focused on the op and help answer some of the questions that I have and assume others have as well that have nothing to do with members on here bitch slapping one another.


----------



## pdgujer148

Is it possible that the disconnect stems from the progressive growth of the site?

Conrad states, "I specifically took Dimensions out of NAAFA a long time ago because I did not want for this special purpose to interfere with NAAFA's more politically-oriented brand of size acceptance." 

Hasnt some of the more politically-orientated material found its way back into the site? Haven't the sigs of old reestablished themselves?

Looking at the boards it is pretty easy to pick out which ones are analog to the articles and features in the original magazine.

The Main Board, Weight Board, Paysite Board (the ads), Clothing/Fashion Board, Health Forum, and the Library all contain elements of the Dimensions we remember from a decade ago.

However, the site hasnt remained static, and special interests have led to the creation of new forums and new users.

The WLS Controversy was created to stave off inevitable and unwanted commentary. Hyde Park, Im guessing, had a similar genesis.

Meanwhile, a number of special interest groups are added. A sig for BHM, a Supersize sig (if you are good enough), a BBW sig, a GLBTQ sig and etc.
With this much diversity isnt it understandable that people have their own understanding of what Dimensions is and is not? 

Hasnt the scope changed? Hasnt everything come full circle?

I am not making the argument that we should go back to the core values or anything like that. The current site is 100% different from what it was 10 years ago (and 100% better). I really admire the openness Conrad and the various mods have had to change.

Im sayingummmwell try this

I turned 40 last year. My mother still sees me as her baby boy. Thats nice, but I prefer that she see how the values she raised me with turned me into a decent man.

My point--very respectfullyis that Conrad and some of the Old School is seeing the baby and not the mature, vibrant, adult.


----------



## jenboo

KHayes666 said:


> If I haven't done it myself I wouldn't have said so. Really, I know someone who I singlehandedly turned into a confident fat girl.
> 
> Granted, that's one single solitary case but the fact remains its happened and its possible.



oh lordy....


----------



## chicken legs

jenboo said:


> Seriously can you take this argument somewhere else? I am trying to actually read responses about what dimensions is about but this pissing contest is wasting pages and pages of dialogue that could be focused on the op and help answer some of the questions that I have and assume others have as well that have nothing to do with members on here bitch slapping one another.



In the immortal words of Flava Flav....WOOOOWWWW

did you even read your own post....you could have sent this via PM so others didn't have see how far you can piss. Plus the comment you quoted was a response to someone who was talking directly to me...on the open forum..and not via pm...kinda like what you are doing right now.


Anyway...click on the tabs at the top of the page..like`Stories, Store,Back Issues, or Library and its pretty obvious that Dims is a FA based site. These are links to the older areas of Dims. They are not hidden.


----------



## LoveBHMS

katherine22 said:


> The people they[FAs] admired decided that they wanted a voice in the receiving of the admiration. For some FAs life became more complicated from having to endure responses from those "uppity" fat women.



Would you all be happier if everyone just concedes you win? I'll do it. You win. Conrad doesn't _really_ care about fat people and doesn't care about size acceptance. Dims is nothing but FA nirvana where fat people only are allowed to exist as eye candy. Fat people should only even participate here to post pictures or to tell FAs how grateful they are for the attention. The private SS board, the BBW board, the fact that most of the mods are fat women, it's all window dressing. It's all for show.

But here's the thing, look at the first part of the statement:



> So that's what Dimensions is _and has always been_, a size-positive place for FAs and the people they admire. Nothing more and nothing less.



If it's always been this, then the idea that things have "changed" just really means the site is returning to its original stated purpose. It might have gotten aways from it for a while there, but now he's front and center saying it's always been for FAs. So like it or not, you've just proven you were right. Dims is for FAs. Go on and display all the righteous indignation you want, hey, you've earned it.


----------



## NancyGirl74

Ok, I know this is an old post but I seem to need to comment...



KHayes666 said:


> If I haven't done it myself I wouldn't have said so. Really, I know someone who I singlehandedly turned into a confident fat girl.
> 
> Granted, that's one single solitary case but the fact remains its happened and its possible.



Kev, dearest....I know you and I like you but......dude....

Do you know how insulting that comment is? I have no words for how insulting I find the above post.

Ok, maybe I have a few words...

1. No one makes anyone feel anything unless they allow them to. For example, LoverBoyJohnny might tell me I'm beautiful, smart, kind, and bewitching and he might truly mean it...but if _I_ don't believe it because _I_ don't see it or _I_ don't feel it well then LoverBoyJohnny is just spewing poetry. 

2. Who made you God? Props to you for helping a friend but the operative word here is helping...not curing or fixing or healing...*HELPING*. The rest she had to do herself (see 1)

3. I know you meant well and I know you meant to prove a point but please, please, please don't think that just because you love and admire fat women when the rest of the world tells us fat/fat people/fat admirers are wrong that we fatties should be beholden unto you. Don't get me wrong, thanks for the support and all (That's not sarcasm...that's real. _Thank you_) but when it comes to living life as a happy fat person that comes from the fat person NOT the FA who finds their body bangin'. (again see 1)


----------



## mergirl

Wow.. reading this thread took me an hour. I have no life.
All i want to add is: Kevin. We talked about this! 
Though you will be pleased to know that while my jaw was dropped reading your post, i shoved some pizza in there. 
 
My eyes hurt.


----------



## LoveBHMS

superodalisque said:


> life is like this--very complex. but reading this makes me extremely sad for you too. ty for writing it.



How can a story about a fat person finding an FA lover make you feel sad?

There is a similar story on the BHM board right now where a man is recounting his first FFA experience and saying her reaction to his body and seeing her get turned on by it made him feel good about himself. It's not sad at all, and not one person who responded to the story said anything but that they were happy for him.

No FA is going to say that they or their attraction is transformative, but at some point let's all admit that having somebody find you attractive can make you feel good about yourself. There have been an infinite number of posts on here from men and women saying they're tired of being the fat best friend or funny fat guy or whatever. It's not that awful, weird, pathetic, or unusual to be frustrated or saddened by the lack of ability to find a partner. Should it ruin your self esteem? Of course not. But can't we all admit if we're single or have been single when we didn't want to be that seeing others paired up could be a little difficult? Can anyone who's ever been unhappily single at any time say they _never_ looked at others and wondered "Why them and not me? Why can't I find someone?"

There are any number of things that can and do increase self esteem. That can mean the pride you get from doing volunteer work, attracting a lover, or having a job. Why do we see so many "welfare to work" success stories on the news where people talk about how something as simple as working made them feel good about themselves? Why do unemployed or underemployed people suffer from depression? It's not a matter of saying "oh it's not the money that makes the man it's the man who makes the money" but yes, feeling apart from normality and seeing "everyone else" go out to work in the morning while you send out resumes and watch the phone not ring with job offers is disheartening. Same as a childless couple watches their friends and relatives have babies and cry over worrying they wont' be next. Same as being single on Valentines Day.

So the way i read lovlocs's story was she was just saying her inability to attract a lover when other women were doing so was hurtful and made her sad and insecure. Finding the FA who wanted to be with her and was attracted to her removed the feelings of sadness and insecurity. It's true that she had to have been open to it, because I'd say most, if not all FAs have had the experience of being frustrated when somebody refuses to believe you're turned on by them. However all she said was she wanted what she saw other women having, and getting it did change how she felt about herself.


----------



## LillyBBBW

KHayes666 said:


> If I haven't done it myself I wouldn't have said so. Really, I know someone who I singlehandedly turned into a confident fat girl.
> 
> Granted, that's one single solitary case but the fact remains its happened and its possible.



I'm late to the party but Hayes, I think you are claiming more credit in this than you deserve. Yes, what you did was very nice and commendable but laying claim to someone's transformation goes too far. I sing in a small group and had anxiety that maybe I was singing too loud and my voice stuck out. I asked one of my friends in the other chorus if I'm sticking out and she says no, I sound fine from where she's sitting. Therefore I relax and go on about my business. Next day she decides to go around telling everybody that she's responsible for how well I'm doing in the group. I would be kicking her ass. Not to say I don't appreciate what she's done but it would be pretty obnoxious for her to stake some kind of claim. I'd be mad, so would you and you know it. If you were a plastic surgeon and hooked her up for free I could see.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> A cross-sectional sub-species analysis of the Free-Range Dims Member (_Dimensionae rotundus sapiens_):
> 
> The Batshit Crazies: I'm going to post some really hurtful shit and deny I said it for the next two weeks until I get embroiled in another 20-page thread controversy.
> 
> The Godmins: I shall smite thy offensive post with all the smitey smitiness of my...smite key!
> 
> The Board Babes: My 4,000 calorie milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard!
> 
> The Lotharios: I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! SLURRP! I DRINK IT UPP! AND HERS, AND HERS, AND THIS BABE OVER HERE! My junk has hit so much tail on this board from here to Albuquerque that it looks like a steamer trunk...
> 
> Ooh and what about Pithy Phrase is a walking compendium of famous quotations and wise adages. Of course, he will never add anything original to the discussion, but because most discussion forums communicate through email he can take his time to thumb through books of quotes and find les mots justes for every situation. Er...didn't Winston Churchill say, "It's a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations."? Digital forums are a gift to the slow witted (I said that)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Paysite Sycophants: I likes the pretty girls and the big fat fuck fantasy and can you please post more pics while I post unflattering cam captures of myself, hee hee hoo hoo ah ahhhhh...WHERE'S THE LANOLIN?!!!
> 
> The Cognoscenti: All these boards are yours except WLS. Attempt no landing there. Use them together. Use them in peace. Oh who the fuck am I kidding...throw down, bitch!
> 
> The Bitches: I'm just here to bitch and make myself look smarter, superior and more attractive than any of you. My 20 cats agree with me, so I must be right.
> 
> The Assholes: What that smarmy bitch just said, minus all the pussies. Tut, tut, cheerio and I'm off to have my tea and scones while I verbally assault someone because my parents didn't love me. I'd follow up to your rebuke but I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes.
> 
> Smarmy boys: I'd insert a witty comment, but I'm too busy designing lolcats.
> 
> Uber nerds: This thread is exactly like episode 75 of Next Generation, except less Worf. Check out my Gundam collection in the background of my display picture, isn't it rad?!
> 
> The Heartless Bastards: I slam fat girls in public but love to screw them in private because they're easy and they all want me, too. Check out my awesome pectoral muscles and complete lack of respect for your emotions!
> 
> The Fetishists: You need more weight, stretch marks and chins. The edema isn't unhealthy at all...in fact, it's positively fappable. It's not sexy until it has it's own gravity well.
> 
> The Scary Fetishists: It rubs the lotion on it's stretch marks or else it gets the hose again! Oh, and you need to gain another 100 lbs.. In six months.
> 
> The Skinny FFAs: Fat boys rock! Now I can be edgy and against the grain and make big boy dreams come true! Sure, there are only 30 of us in the world, but there are others out there, far across the heavens, in the closet, just waiting to find our perfect John Goodman lookalike!
> 
> The Jack Sprats: The cool thing about being 120 lbs. to her 400 is that I fit neatly into carryon luggage compartments. Or her belly rolls. I can continue to stay healthy while she gains due to my mutant fruit fly metabolism.
> 
> The Virgins: I LIEK BOOBZ! Vaginas are weird, we loves them but they scares us, Preciousss...
> 
> The Younglings: I'm 22 and know everything about the wurld and how dare you pit your 30 years of wisdom against my post-high school, neo-collegiate angst! I mean, I've read Harry Potter and Twilight 20 fucking times! I had sex last week, twice! Peace out.
> 
> The Elders: You're 22, you don't know shit about shit, much less relationships, heartbreak, parenting, divorce, debt, health issues due to 30 years of being 100 lbs. overweight and all the sordid personalities of this board that existed before you were a fucking ZYGOTE! Pull up your pants and get the Hell off my lawn!
> 
> Sylvia Plathites: Death surrounds us all, loneliness wraps us like a cold blanket full of Cheetos residue and stale Skittles. I don't know why some of us keep on going except to post one...last...meaningful...statement!
> 
> The Comedians: Hey did you hear I got a weak back? When did you get a weak back? Oh, about a week back! WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA! Oh, and shit, piss, fuck, boobs, peace, love and crabs!
> 
> I may be missing a few but that about covers it.



Admiral, copious felicitations on your highly entertaining taxonomy! :bow: I couldn't help but be reminded of this: http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/

In reviewing Mr. Reed briefly I found one ubiquitous and cringe-inducing Dimizen breed you may have overlooked? The Ferrous Cranus is described as "utterly impervious to reason, persuasion and new ideas, and when engaged in battle he will not yield an inch in his position regardless of its hopelessness. Though his thrusts are decisively repulsed, his arguments crushed in every detail and his defenses demolished beyond repair he will remount the same attack again and again with only the slightest variation in tactics. Sometimes out of pure frustration Philosopher will try to explain to him the failed logistics of his situation, or Therapist will attempt to penetrate the psychological origins of his obduracy, but, ever unfathomable, Ferrous Cranus cannot be moved."

Or perhaps your "Sapiens" nomenclature disqualifies them from inclusion? 

Oh, and what about "Profundus Maximus - eagerly holds forth on all subjects, but his thin knowledge will not support a sustained assault and therefore his attacks quickly peter out. Profundus Maximus often uses big words, obscure terms and...ahem...even Latin to bluff his way through battle.." ? :blush:

And of course the "Pithy Phrase is a walking compendium of famous quotations and wise adages. Of course, he will never add anything original to the discussion, but because most discussion forums communicate through email he can take his time to thumb through books of quotes and find les mots justes for every situation. Er...didn't Winston Churchill say, "It's a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations."? Digital forums are a gift to the slow witted (I said that)" :doh:


----------



## mergirl

Btw.. just so that everyone knows.. *I* am in the *us* group!!. Thank you.


----------



## RedVelvet

Ernest Nagel said:


> Admiral, copious felicitations on your highly entertaining taxonomy! :bow: I couldn't help but be reminded of this: http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/




Thank you, thank you and thank you again for posting this link. Can you believe I have not seen this before? Thank you.




I need to clear something up, going back to the original post, (If you can believe it). Having read the statement again this morning, Conrad, I think, makes it very clear that the board is for both fat people, and their admirers. Both. Not just FAs. He makes that clear. 

I'm not sure that its how its practiced here, as the recipients of this "admiration" have reactions to some of ...its various permutations...but the statement of intent, from the creator of the board, is clear. 

I know he has been reading this, as rep has been given by him to a particularly genius, many-pages-in, post..(not one of mine, alas..)..but not responding..even to direct questions to him.

On the one hand, I can understand why he wouldn't. Tis a shitstorm, and who wants to ruin a nice umbrella? But I can't help but think that.. even with this boards collective uncanny ability to re-interpret what is clearly stated a given way.....that a little more input would be hugely helpful.

The post and then no-response thing always makes me feel like I am in a Twilight Zone episode like "The Monsters On Main Street"....the longer it goes on.

Or, you know..fuck it. That's another terrific option.

Oh look..sunshine!


----------



## swamptoad

Dims ....

A constant gardening and filtering of _shit_ (not trying to be vulgar on purpose) to nurture the beauty that therein may be - a cycle of a forum and its inhabitants. but this could pertain to any given forum.


A culmination of bullshit and essential advice ... that too happens.


Dimensions, if you regularly desire to be here, each and every day ... is a place to find a sense of neighborly advice on assorted topics about size and fat acceptance and non-acceptance and anything serious/non-serious/fun/dramatic and everything real and surreal in between.


lemme clarify anything else with the smilies.


:bow::happy::blush::doh:: 


a plethora of personalities all entertwined


----------



## TraciJo67

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> The Elders: You're 22, you don't know shit about shit, much less relationships, heartbreak, parenting, divorce, debt, health issues due to 30 years of being 100 lbs. overweight and all the sordid personalities of this board that existed before you were a fucking ZYGOTE! Pull up your pants and get the Hell off my lawn!


 
Word.

Also, very, very cleverly done, Admiral. I'm still laughing, a day later. And cringing. But mostly, laughing


----------



## KHayes666

Normally I'd quote just about everyone that posted to me, but a mass post will do.

Thatgirl said I'm manipulative because I offhandedly suggested to my friend to put some weight on 6 years ago.....she didn't have to do it but she did anyway. Once she started doing it I wasn't even aware she did it for a few months because this was 2004 and my 56K modem wouldn't allow me to have webcam feeds on AOL 7.0 (I think). Then a few months later when she showed me new pix and my jaw hit the floor, obviously I was going to support her. I was 17 years old at the time, I was 3 1/2 years away from meeting my mentor and I was sure as hell was not mature enough to say anything else besides "You look great, keep going". Thatgirl said she wouldn't want to be associated with that kind of manipulative feederism, too bad for her that I'm not into it either. Maybe I should have explained the whole story to every last little detail because for some reason no matter what I say is put under a microscope. Truth is, anyone who knows me in real life knows I'm not the manipulative type and anyone who thinks so....well you know what I said about bridges. I wouldn't want to be associated with ThatGirl to begin with, but I sure as hell refuse to be put into the manipulative category, that's the kind of shit I've been fighting against.

Am I a God among women, hell no. Am I confident with myself, yes. I'm not on some high horse that makes me believe I got all the moves, I've had just as many if not more failures as I have had success and its a damn miracle I've found someone to snuggle with that connects with me. It all comes from within, my attitude, personality, etc. When I say I've had success in helping others, its because I've experienced it. When I say something like "I believe the best way to a woman's heart is to be honest and loyal" I believe it because I've done it. That's why I honestly felt in that ONE TIME, I alone was responsible for making them happy. I didn't say to her "You either do this or you'll never be happy" I never said "You're nothing without me" and nor was I mashing my hands together with mad scientist glasses going "ehehehhehee i want her to be 500 pounds ehehehe". If I came off as one of those types, honestly I apologize and shocked because that's not how I am. I don't have a God complex, I just felt in one case I made a big difference in someone's life and got thanked for it. If she called me a creep or shouted invectives at me, I'd have felt real low about it. 

The fact I have to repeat myself leads me to believe that people on here believe only what they want to believe. What's the use explaining to a bunch of folks who have it embedded in their skulls that you are an asshole that you're not? So with that, believe and feel what you want to believe and feel about me. The feeling's always mutual


----------



## kioewen

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> I really hate labels...



When they apply to you. But you looooove dishing them out to others.

Whatever category you do choose for yourself, "arrogance" better be a part of the description.


----------



## thatgirl08

KHayes666 said:


> I wouldn't want to be associated with ThatGirl to begin with,



oh gosh now you've gone and hurt my feelings


----------



## Surlysomething

kioewen said:


> When they apply to you. But you looooove dishing them out to others.
> 
> Whatever category you do choose for yourself, "arrogance" better be a part of the description.




Apparently you didn't see the humour in his post.


----------



## Gendo Ikari

Webmaster said:


> I specifically took Dimensions out of NAAFA a long time ago because I did not want for this special purpose to interfere with NAAFA's more*politically-oriented brand of size acceptance*.
> 
> Needless to say, Dimensions is VERY much in favor of size acceptance, even though our contribution, in addition to having within our ranks some of the most dedicated size acceptance activists,


Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but I find the politically oriented brand to be over taking the forum.


----------



## mossystate

Gendo Ikari said:


> Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but I find the politically oriented brand to be over taking the forum.



You can't see the fat for the small grove of saplings? Really?


----------



## RedVelvet

Gendo Ikari said:


> Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but I find the politically oriented brand to be over taking the forum.




Interesting! Where do you see that? Surely you mean beyond this post or Hyde Park or something, right? Not the free for all Main Board? That's so tiny, really, compared to the *vast* and protected Fat Sexuality realm.

Do you mean in the vast fat sexuality realm? I'm asking this seriously. Because I am starting to think that objectivity regarding this board is a physical impossibility ....we all see what we see and feel what we feel and it all feels absolutely like Truth. 

So much of what humans see as truth is really familiarity/proximity or confirmation of our opinions and personal prejudices. It feels like its true in my gut, and that guy over there says it is too..so it is.

And we feel it SO strongly, we can't even IMAGINE how anyone else could have a different experience of the same thing we are experiencing. We can't even imagine how someone could feel differently. That's how truthy it is for us. (Deity Bless you Stephen Colbert, for the brilliance that is "Truthiness")


You are just throwing out a sentence...I am just as well. And when cornered, we say its "Just our opinion"...but secretly...inside....we know.

ITS THE TRUTH!


(heh....yes, I am weird today!)


----------



## Tooz

Wagimawr said:


> So what, guys like Jon Blaze just go take a picture with him and then ditch?
> 
> I'm loling at the sadness, but only slightly cause I'd probably be _that guy_.



I'm pretty sure you'd be fine. It only takes a single iota of social grace to thrive, I swear. IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN.


----------



## Wagimawr

Tooz said:


> I'm pretty sure you'd be fine. It only takes a single iota of social grace to thrive, I swear. IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN.


Masturbating in the corner counts, right?


----------



## Gendo Ikari

RedVelvet said:


> Interesting! Where do you see that? Surely you mean beyond this post or Hyde Park or something, right? Not the free for all Main Board? That's so tiny, really, compared to the *vast* and protected Fat Sexuality realm.
> 
> Do you mean in the vast fat sexuality realm? I'm asking this seriously. Because I am starting to think that objectivity regarding this board is a physical impossibility ....we all see what we see and feel what we feel and it all feels absolutely like Truth.
> 
> So much of what humans see as truth is really familiarity/proximity or confirmation of our opinions and personal prejudices. It feels like its true in my gut, and that guy over there says it is too..so it is.
> 
> And we feel it SO strongly, we can't even IMAGINE how anyone else could have a different experience of the same thing we are experiencing. We can't even imagine how someone could feel differently. That's how truthy it is for us. (Deity Bless you Stephen Colbert, for the brilliance that is "Truthiness")
> 
> 
> You are just throwing out a sentence...I am just as well. And when cornered, we say its "Just our opinion"...but secretly...inside....we know.
> 
> ITS THE TRUTH!
> 
> 
> (heh....yes, I am weird today!)


Are you coming on to me?


----------



## RedVelvet

Gendo Ikari said:


> Are you coming on to me?




HAHAHA! 

God..perfect response. Thank you for the giggle.


----------



## Wagimawr

Tooz said:


> MAYBE.
> 
> Eating cake in the corner certainly does


Have some icing for that cake. :happy:


----------



## rainyday

RedVelvet said:


> I need to clear something up, going back to the original post, (If you can believe it). Having read the statement again this morning, Conrad, I think, makes it very clear that the board is for both fat people, and their admirers. Both. Not just FAs. He makes that clear.



Not though, in equal permutations. 



Webmaster said:


> For fat people, it's a place where they can learn about their admirers and see the beauty and attractiveness in their bodies.



This puts the orbit firmly around around FAs--what we can learn about them, how we can learn to see we're attractive to them. Those are excellent discussions to have access to, and I've loved exploring those things here since I do love FAs. It's just a very one-dimensional way of inviting participation from those who are fat, and eventually that begins to feel increasingly unhealthy.

I don't have any expectation of Dim changing to fit me btw. My comments are about my own increasing square-peggedness here.


----------



## Wagimawr

rainyday said:


> I don't have any expectation of Dim changing to fit me btw. My comments are about my own increasing square-peggedness here.


You're not alone in that, either, which should be a less-than enticing prospect for people.

I mean, what are FAs without fat women? Well...I hesitate to use the word "sausagefest" seriously, but that's about the long and short of it.


...


*snrk* sausage.


----------



## Gendo Ikari

rainyday said:


> I don't have any expectation of Dim changing to fit me btw. My comments are about my own increasing square-peggedness here.


Thats why playing politics exist.


----------



## RedVelvet

rainyday said:


> Not though, in equal permutations.
> 
> 
> 
> This puts the orbit firmly around around FAs--what we can learn about them, how we can learn to see we're attractive to them. Those are excellent discussions to have access to, and I've loved exploring those things here since I do love FAs. It's just a very one-dimensional way of inviting participation from those who are fat, and eventually that begins to feel increasingly unhealthy.
> 
> I don't have any expectation of Dim changing to fit me btw. My comments are about my own increasing square-peggedness here.




No..not equal. You are right. But its non-equality was subtle enough for me to want clarification...which I asked for, and others have asked for, and as of yet we have not gotten a response.

Thats what I was trying to say in my post:

What is stated is _clearly_...*inclusive*, but subtly *unequal*, and the problem is that even writing that makes me feel so nitpicky. That's how quickly you can buy into it....the sense of being considered "wrong" here.

I certainly don't blame you, as you know, for your feelings. I feel the same way.

And, by the way, for those who are wanting lists of how things have changed here.. that inequality manifests in the board in many, MANY subtle and hurtful ways, as I hinted to above, but probably far too softly.. hard to write about.

I dunno..I WANT to think the best, but I find myself ever slipping.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

KHayes666 said:


> Normally I'd quote just about everyone that posted to me, but a mass post will do...
> 
> <snip>
> 
> ...The fact I have to repeat myself leads me to believe that people on here believe only what they want to believe. What's the use explaining to a bunch of folks who have it embedded in their skulls that you are an asshole that you're not? So with that, believe and feel what you want to believe and feel about me. The feeling's always mutual



Kevin, it would be easy to dismiss you as some harmless, clueless, self-absorbed twit. I think you're honestly a good man at heart, or at least you want to be. The thing is some of us here recognize that you're doing both yourself and others damage with this attitude. I have a very good, smart BBW friend who is clear and adamant that she doesn't want to be FA training wheels. She understands that it isn't her job or obligation to make anyone feel good about their choices or themselves. She also knows that goes both ways. She's 100% accountable for her own happiness and that makes her a pleasure for everyone to be around. 

When people become dependent on others for their self-image, good or bad, it weakens them in the long run. Yes, you can distract someone from negative feedback in the near term but it will still be there waiting when you're gone. It may feel good to be someones shelter in a storm but you can't always be there. People who rely on external validation for self-worth are always at risk of abuse and manipulation. That's problem one.

The second issue is taking credit for something you don't deserve. How would you feel if the first woman you ever had sex with went around telling everyone that she made you a confident heterosexual? Would it be accurate? Or if the first woman you ever did it doggy style with claimed she made you a confident bisexual? Maybe the first woman you date whos smarter than you should get to take credit for making you a confident dumbass? See the problem here? Their confidence doesn't entitle them to take credit for yours. Making someone feel good is not the same as making someone capable of feeling good about herself. You might provide some access or an opening for the ability but you didnt do the real work. She did. If you don't get this read it again slowly. It might take three or four years. 

We hopefully now return this thread to the OP's original topic.


----------



## rainyday

RedVelvet said:


> But its non-equality was subtle enough for me to want clarification...which I asked for, and others have asked for, and as of yet we have not gotten a response.



Ah, gotcha now. I was missing that.


----------



## RedVelvet

rainyday said:


> Ah, gotcha now. I was missing that.




Sometimes I twist myself up so much to speak... carefully ....I am clear as fecking mud.


----------



## RedVelvet

thatgirl08 said:


> oh gosh now you've gone and hurt my feelings




585 NY? Hello neighbor.


----------



## thatgirl08

RedVelvet said:


> 585 NY? Hello neighbor.



Small world.. hi!


----------



## LoveBHMS

> Or if the first woman you ever did it doggy style with claimed she made you a confident bisexual?



You do realize that doggy style is not the same thing as....

forget it.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

Webmaster said:


> So that's what Dimensions is and has always been, a size-positive place for FAs and the people they admire. Nothing more and nothing less.



Y'know I've pondered this statement endlessly and I'd like to offer an alternative, perhaps more generous and open-ended interpretation than what I saw originally. I got a little hung up on the "nothing more" bit, as I think have a few others. It's certainly for Conrad to speak for himself but it occurs to me that we're inferring "nothing else" and he plainly did not say that. Nothing more and nothing less might only be referring to importance? A size-positive place for FAs and the people they admire and neither of those things is more or less important than any of the other things it has become. 

I'm throwing this out there because on reflection I really can't imagine that Conrad isn't somehow proud of all the diverse constituencies and interests that have managed to co-exist here. I don't hear him as asking anyone to leave so much as requesting that those who bring their own priorities and agendas respect what was here first. I could be totally off-base here but I'm choosing to honor Angel's suggestion that we be gracious and listen for the best in one another.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

LoveBHMS said:


> You do realize that doggy style is not the same thing as....
> 
> forget it.



Poetic license, m'k?


----------



## Angel

Ernest Nagel said:


> confident dumbass



You, Sir, have a way with words. 


Imagining a couple having a heated arguement. Female looks angrily at male. 


"You


confident


dumb*ass*!!!"



Then silence.




They both bust out laughing! 


*giggles*


----------



## superodalisque

LoveBHMS said:


> How can a story about a fat person finding an FA lover make you feel sad?
> 
> There is a similar story on the BHM board right now where a man is recounting his first FFA experience and saying her reaction to his body and seeing her get turned on by it made him feel good about himself. It's not sad at all, and not one person who responded to the story said anything but that they were happy for him.
> 
> No FA is going to say that they or their attraction is transformative, but at some point let's all admit that having somebody find you attractive can make you feel good about yourself. There have been an infinite number of posts on here from men and women saying they're tired of being the fat best friend or funny fat guy or whatever. It's not that awful, weird, pathetic, or unusual to be frustrated or saddened by the lack of ability to find a partner. Should it ruin your self esteem? Of course not. But can't we all admit if we're single or have been single when we didn't want to be that seeing others paired up could be a little difficult? Can anyone who's ever been unhappily single at any time say they _never_ looked at others and wondered "Why them and not me? Why can't I find someone?"
> 
> There are any number of things that can and do increase self esteem. That can mean the pride you get from doing volunteer work, attracting a lover, or having a job. Why do we see so many "welfare to work" success stories on the news where people talk about how something as simple as working made them feel good about themselves? Why do unemployed or underemployed people suffer from depression? It's not a matter of saying "oh it's not the money that makes the man it's the man who makes the money" but yes, feeling apart from normality and seeing "everyone else" go out to work in the morning while you send out resumes and watch the phone not ring with job offers is disheartening. Same as a childless couple watches their friends and relatives have babies and cry over worrying they wont' be next. Same as being single on Valentines Day.
> 
> So the way i read lovlocs's story was she was just saying her inability to attract a lover when other women were doing so was hurtful and made her sad and insecure. Finding the FA who wanted to be with her and was attracted to her removed the feelings of sadness and insecurity. It's true that she had to have been open to it, because I'd say most, if not all FAs have had the experience of being frustrated when somebody refuses to believe you're turned on by them. However all she said was she wanted what she saw other women having, and getting it did change how she felt about herself.



i was just sad because i would have loved it for her if the person she found loved her body and her as well. i know that would have taken her through the roof. right now as she is on her journey sexual desireability might be enough since at least it might make her more sure of herself physically. but, in the long run just being around someone who wants you sexually isn't enough. she might have just enough for right now. i just wished she had found someone first time out who was enough period. i'm idealistic like that.

its also sad hat women in general have absolutely no idea how beautiful and attractive they are at any size and they really buy into all of the negative stuff. it makes me sad that they need someone else's eyes to finally see themselves.


----------



## LoveBHMS

superodalisque said:


> i was just sad because i would have loved it for her if the person she found loved her body and her as well. i know that would have taken her through the roof. right now as she is on her journey sexual desireability might be enough since at least it might make her more sure of herself physically. but, in the long run just being around someone who wants you sexually isn't enough. she might have just enough for right now. i just wished she had found someone first time out who was enough period. i'm idealistic like that.



Unless i misread the story, she wasn't in love with him and in fact referred to it as a "consolation" that he didn't marry her. I read the story not as a would-be romance but rather as sort of a BBW version of "The Awakening". As i read it, she wasn't worried about not being a good person or not being loveable, but rather not being desirable and her lover made her feel that way.

The fact of him not loving her, or she not loving him didn't seem like the point of the story. It wasn't about either of them not being "enough", it just wasn't the nature of the relationship.

I'm going to be kind of bold here and say this is where there is a disconnect between FA and fat people. I said before that most FAs have had the experience of having a partner or potential partner not believe s/he was attractive/sexy/desirable. Most of us haven't complained about anyone saying "I'm a bad person" or "I don't see how you can like me" or "I can't see why you'd think I was smart or kind or interesting or have a good personality." That's not the major problem FAs run into. The very first post I ever made on Dims was lamenting the fact a BHM whom I was crazy about said he "never thought of himself as gorgeous", not "never thought of himself as a good guy".

As I read it, the desirability/attraction was the missing piece for her, and that is what her lover provided.


----------



## superodalisque

LoveBHMS said:


> Unless i misread the story, she wasn't in love with him and in fact referred to it as a "consolation" that he didn't marry her. I read the story not as a would-be romance but rather as sort of a BBW version of "The Awakening". As i read it, she wasn't worried about not being a good person or not being loveable, but rather not being desirable and her lover made her feel that way.
> 
> The fact of him not loving her, or she not loving him didn't seem like the point of the story. It wasn't about either of them not being "enough", it just wasn't the nature of the relationship.
> 
> I'm going to be kind of bold here and say this is where there is a disconnect between FA and fat people. I said before that most FAs have had the experience of having a partner or potential partner not believe s/he was attractive/sexy/desirable. Most of us haven't complained about anyone saying "I'm a bad person" or "I don't see how you can like me" or "I can't see why you'd think I was smart or kind or interesting or have a good personality." That's not the major problem FAs run into. The very first post I ever made on Dims was lamenting the fact a BHM whom I was crazy about said he "never thought of himself as gorgeous", not "never thought of himself as a good guy".
> 
> As I read it, the desirability/attraction was the missing piece for her, and that is what her lover provided.



yeah i understand that. thats why i said things were complex. but once you've had the other thing consolation etc... looks sad.

i'm not saying she meant it this way at all but to me overall it just looks like someone saying "i'm just grateful someone wanted to F**k me". i can't help but feel sad.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

kioewen said:


> When they apply to you. But you looooove dishing them out to others.
> 
> Whatever category you do choose for yourself, "arrogance" better be a part of the description.



Aaannd boom goes the dynamite...


----------



## superodalisque

rainyday said:


> Not though, in equal permutations.
> 
> 
> 
> This puts the orbit firmly around around FAs--what we can learn about them, how we can learn to see we're attractive to them. Those are excellent discussions to have access to, and I've loved exploring those things here since I do love FAs. It's just a very one-dimensional way of inviting participation from those who are fat, and eventually that begins to feel increasingly unhealthy.
> 
> I don't have any expectation of Dim changing to fit me btw. My comments are about my own increasing square-peggedness here.



i agree that the general gist is this place is supposed to be FAcentric. that does a diservice to FAs. and you are absolutely right that that mindset is unhealthy, for BHMs/BBWs and FAs. giving in to the need for one group to top the other is unhealthy. it makes FAs out to be shallow which most aren't. if they really all wanted to be so one dimensional they'd just hang out on the paysite board and forget the rest. i respect that many of them are actively trying to hear and understand BBWs/BHMs IRL instead of only wholey submerging themselves in often misleading fantasy alone even when they know its going to be difficult. thats really encouraging to me because it means they aren't just trying to make a BBW/BHM conform to thier fantasies. they are also trying to get to know us as we really are at the same time that they retain a fantasy life for themselves. 

i really can't understand how some FAs feel that getting to know what a real BBW/BHM thinks is so horribly threatening just because it differs from thier fantasies or opinions. BBWs/BHMs who are here are not just some extension to porn or fantasie literature. we are real people with real feelings that aren't monolithic. i know i'm not going to be quiet just because it disturbs someone's fantasy. i wouldn't ever discount someone's right to have thier fantasy life either. but all of the outright lying and glossing over can really damage an FA for good. i think is sad and disrespectful that people act as though they (FAs) are too dumb to figure it out. the fact that BBWs/BHMs are willing to be fully honest about how they feel with no motivations like finding an FA to date or trying to sell them something should be a comfort to FAs who really want to know whats up so they can deal with it. so many FAs say that they thought one thing about a partner and then found later that the opposite was true and were hurt by it. this is a chance to help them to practice having a dialog wih a real person and not just a fantasy.

FAs who have every intention of living thier life fully want the truth from all of us so they can deal with the real world. so even if this site is centered around FAs it doesn't help them to have BBWs/BHMs chant some kind of fantasy mantra thats going to leave them disillusioned and dissatisfied in the long run. the one sidedness might look attractive in the short run but it hurts everyone in the end. i doubt very seriously in this day an age that most BBWs/BHMs are going to settle for only being an accessory anyway--at least not for the longterm. i have a feeling that most FAs would be bored by someone like that anyway.

i think this whole thread is really about is and attempt to reassure some FAs that they are paramount on this site. i know thats the reading that a lot have gotten. if i were an FA i wouldn't take that statement that seriously. its not really true either. it just reads to me as someone trying to calm the natives. because the truth is that if the BBWs and BHMs decided to stop coming to this site no one would be here. there aren't any sites that only FAs go to alone regularly and in any large numbers. just like no men go to bars without women. i think its time for people to respect that or dims will be in trouble. BBWs and BHMs cannot be second class citizens or silent statuettes in a place thats built soley around them and thier presence. anyone should know that and be able to see that. and making BBWs and BHMs feel they should be desperate for any kind of attention and that that attention is only available in this one place is asking for trouble.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Ernest Nagel said:


> Admiral, copious felicitations on your highly entertaining taxonomy! :bow: I couldn't help but be reminded of this: http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/



Man, that site kicks ass! And what's cool is I have so many personas to pick from, although Evil Clown seems to fit me the best in this scenario.


----------



## LoveBHMS

> its also sad hat women in general have absolutely no idea how beautiful and attractive they are at any size and they really buy into all of the negative stuff. it makes me sad that they need someone else's eyes to finally see themselves.



You know what, you could be the single most self confident person alive, and there is still a different feeling that comes from being the object of somebody's attentions. Even if you could sit alone resolutely and look in the mirror and _know,_ be _100% confident of how sexy you are_, the feeling that comes from having a partner or potential partner tell you they want you is different. In fact even with a casual encounter, I've read posts here where a SSBBW says she was driving along and caught another driver checking her out and it "made her day" or she held her head just a little higher for the rest of the morning. Attention and admiration make everyone, men and women, feel good. In fact how common is it for somebody, when mentioning a partner's positive attributes, to say "She always tells me how hot I am" or "he makes me feel like the most attractive woman alive."


----------



## TallFatSue

Ernest Nagel said:


> Admiral, copious felicitations on your highly entertaining taxonomy! :bow: I couldn't help but be reminded of this: http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/





Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Man, that site kicks ass! And what's cool is I have so many personas to pick from, although Evil Clown seems to fit me the best in this scenario.


Oh yeah, that site is just plain awesome! Well, since Evil Clown is already taken, and I've been scarred for life by my old high school tormenters who called me Suzy Bigfoot (little did they know I liked it!), I gotta aspire to Godzilla! The part about "a phalanx of Warriors mobilized to attack the monster, only to be crushed like so many toy tanks under Godzilla's mighty feet" pretty much describes how I run meetings as an office manager. Oh, it's great to be alive! And kicking ass!


----------



## mergirl

I am MOTHRAH! -Highly flappable, attracted to bright lights and ultimately a pest.


----------



## mergirl

Wait.. mods.. this post has gone way off track, perhaps it should be closed. We are talking about japanese monsters now!!!
Oh wait, we are not about to get to the heart of the matter.. carry on.


----------



## Famouslastwords

mergirl said:


> Different people have different views on what 'vile' is.. this can only ever cause problems, especially when those people are in close proximity of each other. Like a fart in a lift. Some people find it funny and it turns the stomachs of others. Its hard to just get out of a farty lift sometimes.



Oh God, lol. I farted in the car the other day, and it was raining outside...and I looked at my boyfriend and I couldn't keep a straight face, I just started laughing and then he smelled it and rolled the windows down, EVEN though it was raining!


----------



## TallFatSue

mergirl said:


> Wait.. mods.. this post has gone way off track, perhaps it should be closed. We are talking about japanese monsters now!!!
> Oh wait, we are not about to get to the heart of the matter.. carry on.


Yes 'tis wayyyy too easy for topics to be derailed, possibly because Dimensions now has 37,000 members and growing. Even if only a fraction of us chime in with our diverse opinions, it's easy to spiral out of control. I'm drawn into it and lose focus too. This may be why Dimensions is becoming less relevant to me. Maybe after 10 or 12 years I've gleaned all the helpful supersize advice I need, and my real life as a very fat woman is such that Dimensions simply isn't as important to me as before. If so, that's no bad problem to have. 

Likewise my experiences and perspectives seem less and less relevant here too. Oh well, it is what it is. 

As for Japanese monsters, suddenly I have a big craving for sushi. :eat2:


----------



## RedVelvet

LoveBHMS said:


> You know what, you could be the single most self confident person alive, and there is still a different feeling that comes from being the object of somebody's attentions. Even if you could sit alone resolutely and look in the mirror and _know,_ be _100% confident of how sexy you are_, the feeling that comes from having a partner or potential partner tell you they want you is different. In fact even with a casual encounter, I've read posts here where a SSBBW says she was driving along and caught another driver checking her out and it "made her day" or she held her head just a little higher for the rest of the morning. Attention and admiration make everyone, men and women, feel good. In fact how common is it for somebody, when mentioning a partner's positive attributes, to say "She always tells me how hot I am" or "he makes me feel like the most attractive woman alive."



I am not sure if anyone is saying they are mutually exclusive. Of course even the most confident person is even more lifted in seeing themselves beautifully reflected in another person's eye.

Human's need positive attention to psychologically thrive...we tend to die or grow ill without it. I'm thinking that's a given!


----------



## mergirl

TallFatSue said:


> Yes 'tis wayyyy too easy for topics to be derailed, possibly because Dimensions now has 37,000 members and growing. Even if only a fraction of us chime in with our diverse opinions, it's easy to spiral out of control. I'm drawn into it and lose focus too. This may be why Dimensions is becoming less relevant to me. Maybe after 10 or 12 years I've gleaned all the helpful supersize advice I need, and my real life as a very fat woman is such that Dimensions simply isn't as important to me as before. If so, that's no bad problem to have.
> 
> Likewise my experiences and perspectives seem less and less relevant here too. Oh well, it is what it is.
> 
> As for Japanese monsters, suddenly I have a big craving for sushi. :eat2:


Of the 37,000 members i only ever see the same 5 in any post! 
Yeah, i just ment that whenever a topic gets too close to the bone a mod swoops in and says "This thread has gone off topic and will be closed" ... other threads, so long as they go around and around are allowed to decend into whole other realms of sillyness without a peep. i find it ..interesting.
ETA-also sushi.. yum!!! i have a craving for a moth..(which is my inner cat talking)


----------



## chicken legs

superodalisque said:


> i agree that the general gist is this place is supposed to be FAcentric. that does a diservice to FAs. and you are absolutely right that that mindset is unhealthy, for BHMs/BBWs and FAs. giving in to the need for one group to top the other is unhealthy. it makes FAs out to be shallow which most aren't. if they really all wanted to be so one dimensional they'd just hang out on the paysite board and forget the rest. i respect that many of them are actively trying to hear and understand BBWs/BHMs IRL instead of only wholey submerging themselves in often misleading fantasy alone even when they know its going to be difficult. thats really encouraging to me because it means they aren't just trying to make a BBW/BHM conform to thier fantasies. they are also trying to get to know us as we really are at the same time that they retain a fantasy life for themselves.
> 
> i really can't understand how some FAs feel that getting to know what a real BBW/BHM thinks is so horribly threatening just because it differs from thier fantasies or opinions. BBWs/BHMs who are here are not just some extension to porn or fantasie literature. we are real people with real feelings that aren't monolithic. i know i'm not going to be quiet just because it disturbs someone's fantasy. i wouldn't ever discount someone's right to have thier fantasy life either. but all of the outright lying and glossing over can really damage an FA for good. i think is sad and disrespectful that people act as though they (FAs) are too dumb to figure it out. the fact that BBWs/BHMs are willing to be fully honest about how they feel with no motivations like finding an FA to date or trying to sell them something should be a comfort to FAs who really want to know whats up so they can deal with it. so many FAs say that they thought one thing about a partner and then found later that the opposite was true and were hurt by it. this is a chance to help them to practice having a dialog wih a real person and not just a fantasy.
> 
> FAs who have every intention of living thier life fully want the truth from all of us so they can deal with the real world. so even if this site is centered around FAs it doesn't help them to have BBWs/BHMs chant some kind of fantasy mantra thats going to leave them disillusioned and dissatisfied in the long run. the one sidedness might look attractive in the short run but it hurts everyone in the end. i doubt very seriously in this day an age that most BBWs/BHMs are going to settle for only being an accessory anyway--at least not for the longterm. i have a feeling that most FAs would be bored by someone like that anyway.
> 
> i think this whole thread is really about is and attempt to reassure some FAs that they are paramount on this site. i know thats the reading that a lot have gotten. if i were an FA i wouldn't take that statement that seriously. its not really true either. it just reads to me as someone trying to calm the natives. because the truth is that if the BBWs and BHMs decided to stop coming to this site no one would be here. there aren't any sites that only FAs go to alone regularly and in any large numbers. just like no men go to bars without women. i think its time for people to respect that or dims will be in trouble. BBWs and BHMs cannot be second class citizens or silent statuettes in a place thats built soley around them and thier presence. anyone should know that and be able to see that. and making BBWs and BHMs feel they should be desperate for any kind of attention and that that attention is only available in this one place is asking for trouble.



As a FA, I feel Conrad made this site like a Flame that us FA's moths cant resist..we get stuck and end up delurking... which in turn gives insight in to the Fa frame of mind for BBW/BHM's to disect. However the disection of the FA has gotten pretty nasty lately. I dont think its the natives that Conrad is trying to calm but the settlers who have made this their home but forget who's land it is. So yes the natives have become preturbed and are speaking up because we feel like the our sacred areas are being disturbed because of someone on a crusade.

When it comes to the attention aspect..I have noticed that BBW/BHM's come her to be admired so I dont get why some of you get upset at the admiration you receive? If it comes off creepy then pm them..but just to flame folks into crispy critters..(because most have come to use this place as a emotional tampon)... is not healthy dialog.

When it comes to bridging the gap between fantasy and reality...I think that goes both ways. On the one hand, we have FA's (fat or skinny) who don't normally express their like of fatness and end up totally gushing about it. Then we have BBW/BHM, who arent FA, learning about a new subculture. 

I am not the only FA in my family. 3 out of the 5 brothers I have.. also show strong FA traits. Which has taught me alot about my FA'ness previous to the Net. It has also shown me that sometimes the gap of lifestyles between FA's and those we admire is so big it only leaves room for fleeting romances. However, places like this really bridge that gap.


----------



## RedVelvet

I don't come here to be admired. ..Just saying.

Not sure I am alone, even.

I come here for friendship and humor and discussion.


----------



## TraciJo67

RedVelvet said:


> I don't come here to be admired. ..Just saying.
> 
> Not sure I am alone, even.
> 
> I come here for friendship and humor and discussion.


 
I come to ridicule the people who lack basic literacy skills. It makes me feel so much better about myself.

Kidding aside ... I come for the same reason that you do, Arv. Friendship, humor, and discussion. If/when I need admiration, I seek it elsewhere.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

LoveBHMS said:


> You know what, you could be the single most self confident person alive, and there is still a different feeling that comes from being the object of somebody's attentions. Even if you could sit alone resolutely and look in the mirror and _know,_ be _100% confident of how sexy you are_, the feeling that comes from having a partner or potential partner tell you they want you is different. In fact even with a casual encounter, I've read posts here where a SSBBW says she was driving along and caught another driver checking her out and it "made her day" or she held her head just a little higher for the rest of the morning. Attention and admiration make everyone, men and women, feel good. In fact how common is it for somebody, when mentioning a partner's positive attributes, to say "She always tells me how hot I am" or "he makes me feel like the most attractive woman alive."



Absolutely no argument here. Wanting to be wanted is human and natural. Lose that and you're on the slippery slope that can lead to being eaten by your kitties (or fapping to death). _Needing_ to be wanted otoh can lead to loss of self and a serious ongoing "what's wrong with me?" identity crisis. People who recognize someone needy for desirability can play them like a fiddle without even intending to. People who know they deserve to be wanted and respected for who they really are tend to be happiest. Or so I'm told.


----------



## mergirl

chicken legs said:


> When it comes to the attention aspect..I have noticed that BBW/BHM's come her to be admired so I dont get why some of you get upset at the admiration you receive? If it comes off creepy then pm them..but just to flame folks into crispy critters..(because most have come to use this place as a emotional tampon)... is not healthy dialog.



Perhaps there are some differences in the reasons fat males and fat females come here. I think males and females are programmed to react differently to advances/admiration of a sexual nature. As you like BHMs, perhaps this is why you don't understand what some of the women here are saying. 
Btw..what is an emotional tampon? Some people stick this site up their vagina to soak up expelled womb lining of their mind!!??


----------



## cinnamitch

RedVelvet said:


> I don't come here to be admired. ..Just saying.
> 
> Not sure I am alone, even.
> 
> I come here for friendship and humor and discussion.



Same here. Right on the money with that statement


----------



## swamptoad

RedVelvet said:


> I don't come here to be admired. ..Just saying.
> 
> Not sure I am alone, even.
> 
> I come here for friendship and humor and discussion.





I admire that ................:doh:


I mean ... ummmm .. yeah .. ditto! :happy:



It is indeed an excellent statement.


----------



## superodalisque

chicken legs said:


> As a FA, I feel Conrad made this site like a Flame that us FA's moths cant resist..we get stuck and end up delurking... which in turn gives insight in to the Fa frame of mind for BBW/BHM's to disect. However the disection of the FA has gotten pretty nasty lately. I dont think its the natives that Conrad is trying to calm but the settlers who have made this their home but forget who's land it is. So yes the natives have become preturbed and are speaking up because we feel like the our sacred areas are being disturbed because of someone on a crusade.
> 
> When it comes to the attention aspect..I have noticed that BBW/BHM's come her to be admired so I dont get why some of you get upset at the admiration you receive? If it comes off creepy then pm them..but just to flame folks into crispy critters..(because most have come to use this place as a emotional tampon)... is not healthy dialog.
> 
> When it comes to bridging the gap between fantasy and reality...I think that goes both ways. On the one hand, we have FA's (fat or skinny) who don't normally express their like of fatness and end up totally gushing about it. Then we have BBW/BHM, who arent FA, learning about a new subculture.
> 
> I am not the only FA in my family. 3 out of the 5 brothers I have.. also show strong FA traits. Which has taught me alot about my FA'ness previous to the Net. It has also shown me that sometimes the gap of lifestyles between FA's and those we admire is so big it only leaves room for fleeting romances. However, places like this really bridge that gap.



i used to come to be admired by both FAs and BBW/BHMs but i don't anymore. because some of the things here are not really admiration of BBWs/BHMs but outright objectification and disrespect. i know what true admiration looks like having been an artist's model for over half of my life. along with an appreciation its also a relationship of mutual respect and equality. i've often felt that there are quite a few people here who are mainly interested in topping the fat and somehow conquering the people who carry it on thier bodies. even the phrase "admiring THE FAT" as BBWs/BHMs with fat on thier bodies have been described tells us exactly what thats about. i personally prefer not to have my intellect personality spirit or personal pride in myself disembodied from my fat parts. i won;t project someone else's limites fantasy of what a BBW is. for me, that would be adopting another prejudice as true. so rather than having to admonish all of the time i come here to discuss and explore as i think a lot of BBWs do--and also to have a dialog with each other about what we really think and feel about ourselves. i also come to give my FA friends a foil to porn mentality thats pervaisive here. they need someone to say that admiration does and should not stop at the body. it may only begin there.

the settler native dynamic you mention is very interesting. in my opinion, i think you've made a mistake about who the natives are and who the settlers are. this is the core issue of all of this i think. it could also be said that the natives are really the BBWs/BHMs. there would be no FAs if we did not exist. FAs settled an area around an indigenous people. and now they are t elling those very same people that they are somehow invalid. the sacred area for FAs is where ever BBWs and BHMs are. without us its just an empty temple. and i'm not sure there are too many religions where the worshippers dictate to the Gods who and what they truly are. 

i agree that things have gotten way too nasty. but what you have to realize that its a direct results of the nastiness recieved as well. i think previously that was accepted but now it sometimes finds an opposition. i'm am sympathetic to the fact that FAs are unecessarily ridiculed and attacked personally. i don't think thats a fair way to approach people. i think we need to make these humane discussions aimed at understanding. but at the other end BBWs/BHMs have been subject to a lot of unfair approaches as well. this one could be considered to be one. if BBWs/BHMs had a site that they started about FAs and admiring them and when FAs came to represent themselves and maybe debunk some misconceptions and were basically told they should shut up i'm not so sure it would be taken too well either.

sometimes i wonder if FAs truly know who actually cares about and respects them. disrespect is the people who might lead you down the road to unhappiness by not offering you the friendship and warmth of honesty so that you can enjoy your real life as much as the one in your head. just maybe FAs need to re-evaluate who thier real friends are? i do agree though that its not necessary to be harsh and hateful in the process.


----------



## LovelyLiz

superodalisque said:


> i used to come to be admired but i don't anymore.



Perhaps this is different for people who have a significant other admiring them in real life? I know for me, and for some of the other single ladies I've talked to, it can be nice to receive compliments and affirmation from time to time, even in e-form, when it's not happening in person.

Is it an adequate substitute for the real thing? Hell no. But it can still feel nice. 

Which is not to say the ONLY reason I come here is to be admired, at ALL. I PRIMARILY come for friendship, discussion, humor, etc. But for some of us single gals, a little admiration now and then is a nice thing.  Just throwing it out there.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Ladies and gentlemen - for the record - I love being admired by FA's and by anyone else for that matter.


----------



## superodalisque

PS: if i want to be admired i just walk outside my door. i don't need a special case to be found beautiful. so if i happen to want that kind of lift i'm not dependent on dims for that and neither is any other woman here even if she's been made to think that she is.


----------



## escapist

> "As you like BHMs, perhaps this is why you don't understand what some of the women here are saying."



mergirl - I think you haven't read enough of Chickens post to realize or know when it comes to all things Fat she is totally Bi. 2nd. She is a BBW as well an FFA. To me that makes her pretty qualified to speak and have an opinion for things pertaining to the sides of the fence she actually exist on, and talks about. I realize she doesn't post her pictures here or anywhere else for that matter, but she gets plenty of creepy weird attention in real life. It just doesn't affect the way it seems to have affected others who have such a negative view of such things. Its just taught her to be careful. She's still amazingly polite about the guys who are always after her.

As her point, and Conrads point of: this was originaly a site for Big Women and the FA's that love them. Well, I'd like to call your attention to the cover of "Dimensions" No. 84 Jan 2000.





It says pretty clearly at the top of the Printed Magazine: "*The Magazine for Plus-Sized Women And Their Admirers*". I'm not sure how anybody could feel mislead. I doesn't just say, "Plus-Sized Women". Nor does it just say, "Their Admirers". They both go hand in hand when it comes to this site. I think thats what Chicken was really trying to say. If your not cool with it being what it is, and what it always was, why come? There are plenty of other places for Plus-Sized Women that have nothing to do with the FA aspect that DIM's has, and has always had.



OOoooo and mergirl - "I think males and females are programmed to react differently to advances/admiration of a sexual nature." Thats a subject I would love to have a long winded discussion on


----------



## superodalisque

mcbeth said:


> Perhaps this is different for people who have a significant other admiring them in real life? I know for me, and for some of the other single ladies I've talked to, it can be nice to receive compliments and affirmation from time to time, even in e-form, when it's not happening in person.
> 
> Is it an adequate substitute for the real thing? Hell no. But it can still feel nice.
> 
> Which is not to say the ONLY reason I come here is to be admired, at ALL. I PRIMARILY come for friendship, discussion, humor, etc. But for some of us single gals, a little admiration now and then is a nice thing.  Just throwing it out there.



i don't think there is anything at all wrong with being admired here. i think its great when a woman comes here and feels good about it. they should never give that up or stop if its good for them personally. i was just talking about my own personal experiences with different kinds of admiration and knowing what suits me personally. what i do wouldn't work for everybody and i wouldn't expect it to. anyway i'd never frown at respectful admiration no matter where its coming from. i lap up positive stuff like a cat with cream.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

superodalisque said:


> PS: if i want to be admired i just walk outside my door. i don't need a special case to be found beautiful. so if i happen to want that kind of lift i'm not dependent on dims for that and neither is any other woman here even if she's been made to think that she is.



Nobody *makes me *think anything. I just happen to love FA's. And this be the biggest gathering place online. So, admire away.


----------



## TraciJo67

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Nobody *makes me *think anything. I just happen to love FA's. And this be the biggest gathering place online. So, admire away.


 
I agree that nobody makes you think anything, Sandie. Definitely, not you  

But I think that the point SuperO was making is that we don't *need* affirmation here, or anywhere else, for that matter. It's nice, it feels great, but if we rely on feedback from others on what makes us 'worthy' (one way or the other), it's hollow comfort at best. Wouldn't you agree with that?


----------



## James

superodalisque said:


> PS: if i want to be admired i just walk outside my door. i don't need a special case to be found beautiful. so if i happen to want that kind of lift i'm not dependent on dims for that and neither is any other woman here even if she's been made to think that she is.



Not to say you are wrong, because clearly I'm not fat nor am I a woman...but... I think that when any woman steps outside her door, she is met by a barrage of messages and advertising telling her that she is deficient... until she buys product a,b or c. I'm not going to say that the same isn't true here to some extent. Is this social construct an anti-feminist tyranny or is it just the female condition for this to be the dominant dynamic? I suspect its a combination of both... but once again, thats just my observation as an outsider looking in. I mean no offense to anyone.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

TraciJo67 said:


> I agree that nobody makes you think anything, Sandie. Definitely, not you
> 
> But I think that the point SuperO was making is that we don't *need* affirmation here, or anywhere else, for that matter. It's nice, it feels great, but if we rely on feedback from others on what makes us 'worthy' (one way or the other), it's hollow comfort at best. Wouldn't you agree with that?



Absolutely Traci.  I have a husband I adore, and who adores me. He gives me all the admiration I could ever need. What I get here is just icing on the cake. 

But - what about women who get no validation or admiration in their lives? Coming here could be a life changing experience - for the better. No?


----------



## LovelyLiz

TraciJo67 said:


> But I think that the point SuperO was making is that we don't *need* affirmation here, or anywhere else, for that matter. It's nice, it feels great, but if we rely on feedback from others on what makes us 'worthy' (one way or the other), it's hollow comfort at best. Wouldn't you agree with that?



I know this question wasn't addressed to me, but I'm going to respond anyway.  Though I do agree (and earlier in this thread was arguing heartily) that our sense of worth must come from within - it is still true that it feels nice when we are admired from outside!

Maybe it's an unfair generalization, but I find it little comfort when someone who is married/partnered tells me I need to feel awesome even when I don't receive any external admiration (I'm not loving that word, but for lack of a better one at the moment...), and that it's "hollow comfort" to get positive feedback from others. Not that every marriage/partnership is overflowing with constant positive feedback, and I recognize that many married people also need admiration. But having a married/partnered person knock a lesser form of admiration it is a little like someone will a refrigerator full of delicious, wholesome food telling the person who can only afford cheap, crappy food that it would be better not to eat at all. It's easy to say from a position of (relative) plenty.

Truly attacking you at all TraciJo, I like what you have to say. Just in this case, I want to point out that for those of us on our way to getting a more satisfying form of positive feedback, Dimensions can offer some important words of encouragement in the interim (and we have to filter out some of it too, obviously, but it's not all bad).


----------



## TraciJo67

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Absolutely Traci.  I have a husband I adore, and who adores me. He gives me all the admiration I could ever need. What I get here is just icing on the cake.
> 
> But - what about women who get no validation or admiration in their lives? Coming here could be a life changing experience - for the better. No?


 
I don't know, Sandie. That isn't my experience. I can only speak to what I know. I enjoy it when a man (or woman) finds me attractive. I was on a bit of a silly high yesterday because an attractive stranger in the sandwich shop I went to for lunch engaged me in some harmless flirting. It was especially gratifying to me because it doesn't happen that often anymore. I feel that I'm that stereotypical "woman of a certain age" ... and although I don't need the affirmation, I do appreciate and enjoy it. But I'm OK without it too. I know it is very easy for me to say, as I'm not single. However, I don't think that would change even if I were alone. I'm OK with me. Warts 'n all. 

As to the "life changing experience" part of it ... I just don't think that meaningful self-confidence comes from external cues. I'm not dismissing how good it can feel to hear positive feedback from others. I just hope it's not the primary means by which someone derives feelings of self-worth. What's left then, when age or infirmity or other circumstances strips someone of his/her physical appeal?


----------



## RedVelvet

Is ANYONE Saying its not nice to be admired? Or that being admired is a bad thing?

ANYONE?

No.


So, you know..no need to keep defending it. I think that positive attention and compliments and nice stuff like that is pretty much considered universally good...wherever you find it.

To make it super clear:

Saying you didn't come here to be admired, OR saying that self worth comes from within... IS NOT THE SAME THING as saying being admired and complimented and LIKING THAT is bad.



Ok?

OK!

Edit: And everyone is gorgeous, GDit. so there.


----------



## superodalisque

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Nobody *makes me *think anything. I just happen to love FA's. And this be the biggest gathering place online. So, admire away.



i never assumed you were made to. i have the feeling that you could accept admiration anywhere you are--and here as well


----------



## LovelyLiz

RedVelvet said:


> Is ANYONE Saying its not nice to be admired? Or that being admired is a bad thing?
> ANYONE?
> No.
> So, you know..no need to keep defending it. I think that positive attention and compliments and nice stuff like that is pretty much considered universally good...wherever you find it.
> To make it super clear:
> Saying you didn't come here to be admired, OR saying that self worth comes from within... IS NOT THE SAME THING as saying being admired and complimented and LIKING THAT is bad.
> Ok?
> OK!
> Edit: And everyone is gorgeous, GDit. so there.



Point taken. I will stop being defensive.


----------



## superodalisque

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Absolutely Traci.  I have a husband I adore, and who adores me. He gives me all the admiration I could ever need. What I get here is just icing on the cake.
> 
> But - what about women who get no validation or admiration in their lives? Coming here could be a life changing experience - for the better. No?



i think a lot of women have a lot of validation and admiration but because of how society and media are they haven't quite learned to see it yet. sometimes when its happening they don't even know it because they've been distracted by the negative feelings they have about themselves. thats why dims can be really great. a boost never hurts. it can help to open thier eyes with the help of FAs and other BBWs/BHMs. but dims shouldn't be a crutch and no one should insist that it should be if they really care about the happiness of BBW/BHMs or FAs for that matter. 

the goal is that a BBW/BHM should be happy with themselves no matter who their audience is. and, i'm not so sure its fair to ask FAs to take on the responsibility of propping up a BBW/BHMs self esteem anyway. maybe they don't want a partner who is so emotionally dependent on them for something that should be self confidence? an FA might have his/her own issues that they need that energy to attack. a lot of FAs prefer that thier partner likes themselves and thier bodies stand alone. its very attractive to them that someone doesn't need his/her reinforcement all of the time to feel good in the body that he/she finds attractive. so putting all of that reassurance at the feet of FAs who want a full partner in life might not be that desireable. i mean why should we be saddling them with a burden thats not really thiers anyway? its ok to come here for the admiration but its only a start. the real work we have to do for ourselves.


----------



## superodalisque

TraciJo67 said:


> I don't know, Sandie. That isn't my experience. I can only speak to what I know. I enjoy it when a man (or woman) finds me attractive. I was on a bit of a silly high yesterday because an attractive stranger in the sandwich shop I went to for lunch engaged me in some harmless flirting. It was especially gratifying to me because it doesn't happen that often anymore. I feel that I'm that stereotypical "woman of a certain age" ... and although I don't need the affirmation, I do appreciate and enjoy it. But I'm OK without it too. I know it is very easy for me to say, as I'm not single. However, I don't think that would change even if I were alone. I'm OK with me. Warts 'n all.
> 
> As to the "life changing experience" part of it ... I just don't think that meaningful self-confidence comes from external cues. I'm not dismissing how good it can feel to hear positive feedback from others. I just hope it's not the primary means by which someone derives feelings of self-worth. What's left then, when age or infirmity or other circumstances strips someone of his/her physical appeal?



i think a lot of people come to dims and search out other venues because deep down they are ready to find themselves and love themselves as they are anyway. people who really don't want that and aren't really ready don't even seem to look for aids to growth or change.


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## RedVelvet

mcbeth said:


> Point taken. I will stop being defensive.



Well I won't ! SO THERE!

I'm just gonna start defending things randomly! Like green beans!

YOU LEAVE THEM ALONE.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

OK then how about it can be the start of finding your self confidence. My first issue of Dimensions (in print) put me on a path to self discovery and to finding confidence. Just the revelation that there were men in the world that would like me fat - was something I credit Dimensions with because, before that I hated my body and knew for sure no man would ever love me.

Dimensions changed my life for the better. Do I think it might have happened anyway? I'm on the fence about that. Maybe, maybe not.





TraciJo67 said:


> As to the "life changing experience" part of it ... I just don't think that meaningful self-confidence comes from external cues. I'm not dismissing how good it can feel to hear positive feedback from others. I just hope it's not the primary means by which someone derives feelings of self-worth. What's left then, when age or infirmity or other circumstances strips someone of his/her physical appeal?


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## LillyBBBW

I don't know, I DEFINITLEY need stroking at times. Need. Seriously. After a day of working for people who simply can't be satisfied and having people treat you like crap and sneer at you in public I actually have friends that I call and say, "OMG, I need stroking right now." They make a good show of telling me how lovely my hair looks through the phone which always gives me a chuckle. Kindness, friendship, bla bla bla - everybody needs those things. The idea that all I have to do is just step outside, spread my arms and drink in the praise from all I encounter is comical. This is Boston not Xanadu. And as we all know the outwardly vocal men who admire us on street corners and urine soaked subway platforms in the real world are SO much classier than here.  People generally choose their friends and hang outs based on what is the most pleasing for them. They do it in real life, they do it here at Dimensions. What's the difference?


----------



## swamptoad

LillyBBBW said:


> I don't know, I DEFINITLEY need stroking at times. Need. Seriously. After a day of working for people who simply can't be satisfied and having people treat you like crap and sneer at you in public I actually have friends that I call and say, "OMG, I need stroking right now." They make a good show of telling me how lovely my hair looks through the phone which always gives me a chuckle. Kindness, friendship, bla bla bla - everybody needs those things. The idea that all I have to do is just step outside, spread my arms and drink in the praise from all I encounter is comical. This is Boston not Xanadu. And as we all know the outwardly vocal men who admire us on street corners and urine soaked subway platforms in the real world are SO much classier than here.  People generally choose their friends and hang outs based on what is the most pleasing for them. They do it in real life, they do it here at Dimensions. What's the difference?



Nice post!


----------



## superodalisque

James said:


> Not to say you are wrong, because clearly I'm not fat nor am I a woman...but... I think that when any woman steps outside her door, she is met by a barrage of messages and advertising telling her that she is deficient... until she buys product a,b or c. I'm not going to say that the same isn't true here to some extent. Is this social construct an anti-feminist tyranny or is it just the female condition for this to be the dominant dynamic? I suspect its a combination of both... but once again, thats just my observation as an outsider looking in. I mean no offense to anyone.



sure there are those things out there, but a lot depends on your mindset and what you are looking for. BBW/BHMs have to be responsible for that. people tend to pay more attention to things they already at least partially believe to some extent deep down. for me i don't see that stuff unless someone brings it to my attention. i just don't give it that weight. then it makes me sad to see how beautiful people are obsessing over that tripe and leading a life of self torture and misery. they don't even know that the people who even write that stuff don't truly believe it. thats why like others have said self esteem really must come from the self. it you are anyone fat or not and you are depending on the outside world for that too much you are in trouble already because nothing is stationary except the value you have for yourself. when some guy looks into my eyes and i look into his a diet doesn't pop into my head and it shouldn't. when a woman looks at me hard i don't automatically assume she's comparing me negatively to a thin model in the last issue of vogue. because as i've found many times thats not always the case. sometimes she likes my scarf or is even wondering why she finds me pretty even though i am fat and by media standards i'm not supposed to seem attractive or confident. maybe she's trying to figure out how to be happy for herself even though she is much smaller than me? 

you have to give real people chances to do the right thing. the media is not a real person. its an institution with drives and incentives that dont have much to do with how many people feel deep down. its not something to value your life by. my reality is not based on the rhetoric of commerce but on real day to day experiences directly with other humans based on the vibe i put out and my positive expectations of the people around me. i feel in control of a lot of things that come my way and what they turn into . i like having the power and the permisison to have that power. 

not having to embrace media and define yourself by everything out there somewhere thats negative is important. the media can't know you as a person. real life is not a reinforcement of it if you don't set it up that way. there is another way to be. longterm if you allow it to continue to control your life and your mood your opinion of yourself and your interpetation of the opinions of everyone around you it doesn't matter whether its the feminist social critique or the feminine condition. if you don't as a human being look at your own real life through crap colored glasses you won't see as much poo.


----------



## Fat.n.sassy

I'm simply very thankful for DIMS.

Thanks! :wubu:


----------



## katorade

RedVelvet said:


> Well I won't ! SO THERE!
> 
> I'm just gonna start defending things randomly! Like green beans!
> 
> YOU LEAVE THEM ALONE.



Especially Mergirl. She should leave all beans alone...and tartar sauce. For the sake of humanity.


----------



## katherine22

superodalisque said:


> i really can't understand how some FAs feel that getting to know what a real BBW/BHM thinks is so horribly threatening just because it differs from thier fantasies or opinions. BBWs/BHMs who are here are not just some extension to porn or fantasie literature. we are real people with real feelings that aren't monolithic. i know i'm not going to be quiet just because it disturbs someone's fantasy.
> 
> BINGO!!!! Nailed it again


----------



## jenboo

James said:


> Not to say you are wrong, because clearly I'm not fat nor am I a woman...but... I think that when any woman steps outside her door, she is met by a barrage of messages and advertising telling her that she is deficient... until she buys product a,b or c. I'm not going to say that the same isn't true here to some extent. Is this social construct an anti-feminist tyranny or is it just the female condition for this to be the dominant dynamic? I suspect its a combination of both... but once again, thats just my observation as an outsider looking in. I mean no offense to anyone.




We do not need to go out of our door to be barraged by negative messages. Often those who "love" or "admire" us are just as bad or worse than the society at large (haahaa pun intended). Often their dislike is covert and that is harder to see than the blatant shite that we get once outside of our door. For me I have *no where* that I am safe to be me. Dimensions included.


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## jenboo

Although i am still here, most days I do not like dimensions or find it overly helpful for my positive sense of self, often it actually makes me feel worse about myself than better. Posting a photo and not getting any feedback or putting up a post or response just to get it slammed is not so good for anyones sense of self. I continue to come here off and on (since around 97 or so I think when it was predominately a feeding site - or so it seemed to me). I have mostly lurked and have just recently begun posting, but I really do have to say that more often than not, Dimensions can be somewhat harmful. As a ssbbw I see so many posts that are more geared for the smaller bbws so it is hard to feel like you are too fat for a fat admiration site. Those posts that do seem to focus on ssbbw's are more in the fantasy and feeding section of things where we cease to be women and just become mounds of flesh. Why do I still come here? I guess like life I don't want to give up, I am a fighter, it helps me to see what I think about things and the reasons for my thoughts. I have found many posts to be entertaining or insightful and many more to be vicious and ignorant, but I think that is part of what keeps my interest here. I think I also come back with the hope of meeting someone who gets me, but to date it just ain't happening. I did find one boyfriend here on Dims in the chat room and it was nice and I thought that he may have seen me for me and for my body, but in the end he showed me that to him I was sexy but that was all it was. It was very nice to be admired by him and to hear a man say I am sexy and believe it, but also very confusing to be just a sex object. When he ended our "thing" I could not blame it on my body, so it was super difficult when he dumped me cause he was only interested in sex and when I wanted more he said he did not like who I was. That was shocking to me and after a year it is still hard to take. Anyhow I am rambling, but as for what dimensions is...well "it is what it is"
Happy Friday folks


----------



## AnnMarie

jenboo said:


> As a ssbbw I see so many posts that are more geared for the smaller bbws so it is hard to feel like you are too fat for a fat admiration site.




And there are 100 posts from smaller BBWs saying they find exactly the opposite. 

It's about what you make it, and how your inside view and expectations color things. 


Not saying Dims is for you, it may well not be, but when either side constantly claims the same "I don't fit" then you really have to start wondering if they really believe they fit anywhere.


----------



## Shosh

AnnMarie said:


> And there are 100 posts from smaller BBWs saying they find exactly the opposite.
> 
> It's about what you make it, and how your inside view and expectations color things.
> 
> 
> Not saying Dims is for you, it may well not be, but when either side constantly claims the same "I don't fit" then you really have to start wondering if they really believe they fit anywhere.



Exactly AM. I at 280 pounds have felt not fat enough at times, but it really is what you make of it.
One has to be comfortable in one's skin, and take out of this place what is meaningful for them.


----------



## jenboo

AnnMarie said:


> And there are 100 posts from smaller BBWs saying they find exactly the opposite.
> 
> It's about what you make it, and how your inside view and expectations color things.
> 
> 
> Not saying Dims is for you, it may well not be, but when either side constantly claims the same "I don't fit" then you really have to start wondering if they really believe they fit anywhere.



I don't recall saying that I do not fit and I don't have any expectations for Dimensions making me a better person so that has not coloured anything for me. The only thing I expect here is to go through maybe 60 posts and have at least half that are meaningless, a quarter that are mean and then a quarter that are meaningful. I come here and read each post as a new post and try not to form any generalizations on any one member due to something that I perceived them to be. I may disagree with someone on one thread and then give them rep on another because what they said I think is great. Is that not what I should be doing? Is that not what others could be doing as well? I think it is sad that when someone states their truth they get a response such as insinuating that someone believes something that is completely off the mark. Really I wonder where this gets us? It is helpful to anyone? Why the pissing contests? Why the negativity? Why the assumptions? Why the subdivision of class? I do not get it and wonder if that is what Conrad had in mind when he built this place?


----------



## escapist

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Nobody *makes me *think anything. I just happen to love FA's. And this be the biggest gathering place online. So, admire away.



I'm actually with you on this. I'm a HUGE guy so I can't help that I've always attracted people who were very attracted to me, guy's and girls alike. Some more FA than others, and some who just like me as a person. Same goes with cooks and such. I actually have a lot of friends who own or work at bar's and restaurants. It just never been weird for me that people feed me constantly. I've been lucky enough that its often excellent quality food.

I can't say that I've ever felt like someone was into me just because I'm fat though. Even my FFA girlfriend is into me first because of who I am, and second because I'm HUGE. I am well aware when she touches and holds me its for 2 reasons. First she loves me deeply, and secondly because there are aspects of my body she is just drawn too. Its just not a weird thing to me, I've gotten it all my life. When I was younger it was because I was a 250 lb ripped guy with huge arms and legs. It was just more socially acceptable for girls to love me for that.

Thick or "Thin" I will always be a huge guy so I might as well enjoy the people who love me and my body the way that it is (and I usually do). I can't ever see myself being mean or nasty to the cute women who tend to love cuddling up to me.


----------



## escapist

After reading a bit more I feel I should add. I was shocked to find out how much my real life was just like so many of the fetish stories out there. I never read them so I didn't know. My girlfriend reads them all the time and I didn't know why every little thing about me was just tickling her to death. From my feeders to my admirers and even the way the interactions between us all work. There was even a TON of jealousy between my straight male feeder friends and and my FFA girlfriend. The feeders went nuts that I would rather spend my time with my girl than eat their food. It got so bad its partly why I moved out and then my girlfriend and I moved in together. Hell there is probably a story like that out there already (if not I'm sure someone will be writing it soon! lol).

While I know I'm an individual with my own quirky personality. Its interesting how much some of the stories are spot on. Not with just the people around me, but my own personality....I just love how Chicken Legs puts it. I'm like the nice polite version of the characters in the stories.


----------



## chicken legs

jenboo said:


> I don't recall saying that I do not fit and I don't have any expectations for Dimensions making me a better person so that has not coloured anything for me. The only thing I expect here is to go through maybe 60 posts and have at least half that are meaningless, a quarter that are mean and then a quarter that are meaningful. I come here and read each post as a new post and try not to form any generalizations on any one member due to something that I perceived them to be. I may disagree with someone on one thread and then give them rep on another because what they said I think is great. Is that not what I should be doing? Is that not what others could be doing as well? I think it is sad that when someone states their truth they get a response such as insinuating that someone believes something that is completely off the mark. Really I wonder where this gets us? It is helpful to anyone? Why the pissing contests? Why the negativity? Why the assumptions? Why the subdivision of class? I do not get it and wonder if that is what Conrad had in mind when he built this place?



When people work through emotions...it tends to be a rollercoaster. I use the example of the thread you started about why there so many single Fa's. You came off pretty disgruntled and seemed like you were/are still working through something. My comment on that thread was more tongue and cheek because I was trying to make you laugh and not make fun of you.

Why, well as I mentioned before, I am not the only FA in my family. I have 3 out of 5 brothers who are/were "closet" FAs. I saw the carnage left and it basically sounds like a lot of people on this board and why I tread lightly in areas other than the FFA/BHM board and the Library/Art section. I dont speak about it much because it is a very complex area to tread in general. More times than not it was a personality conflict that ended the romance and not because of the fat or lack of fat because they treated skinny, buff, and average chicks the same.


----------



## jenboo

chicken legs said:


> When people work through emotions...it tends to be a rollercoaster. I use the example of the thread you started about why there so many single Fa's. You came off pretty disgruntled and seemed like you were/are still working through something. My comment on that thread was more tongue and cheek because I was trying to make you laugh and not make fun of you.
> 
> Why, well as I mentioned before, I am not the only FA in my family. I have 3 out of 5 brothers who are/were "closet" FAs. I saw the carnage left and it basically sounds like a lot of people on this board and why I tread lightly in areas other than the FFA/BHM board and the Library/Art section. I dont speak about it much because it is a very complex area to tread in general. More times than not it was a personality conflict that ended the romance and not because of the fat or lack of fat because they treated skinny, buff, and average chicks the same.



I think the irony of that thread is I started it with humour. It was not intended to look negative or disgruntled. I got a couple of reps that were able to see the op as it was intended, but unfortunately it was read by others who thought I meant it to be negative. It was after that that I started to respond and become disgruntled. I honestly think that some of it may be cultural. I am Canadian and think that maybe my wording or something if often misread and I often misread others. The us and Canada are so close we sometimes forget how different we are.


----------



## olwen

TraciJo67 said:


> I agree that nobody makes you think anything, Sandie. Definitely, not you
> 
> But I think that the point SuperO was making is that we don't *need* affirmation here, or anywhere else, for that matter. It's nice, it feels great, but if we rely on feedback from others on what makes us 'worthy' (one way or the other), it's hollow comfort at best. Wouldn't you agree with that?



I haven't read thru this whole thread yet, just working my way backwards. I haven't read what SuperO wrote, but just to respond to this statement here, I disagree to some extent. I think we all seek approval of some sort whether from our lovers, family, friends, colleagues, what have you. I don't think it's a detriment to want that, I think it's just part of the human condition. I think also if you spend the better part of your life being told you aren't good enough either directly or indirectly, to hear that you are worthy in some way, whether sexual or otherwise is a huge confidence boost. I can certainly say this is true in my case. After you get used to hearing it, then you can take that feeling and begin to internalize it to where you no longer need to hear it from other people. It's also possible to hear such validation and totally reject it as absurd...I think the only way feedback from others begins to be hollow is when you think they aren't being genuine or if they say things only to try to get something out of you. Thing is tho, one has to have had approval in the first place to be able to tell when someone is being genuine and when they aren't.


----------



## olwen

RedVelvet said:


> Is ANYONE Saying its not nice to be admired? Or that being admired is a bad thing?
> 
> ANYONE?
> 
> No.
> 
> 
> So, you know..no need to keep defending it. I think that positive attention and compliments and nice stuff like that is pretty much considered universally good...wherever you find it.
> 
> To make it super clear:
> 
> Saying you didn't come here to be admired, OR saying that self worth comes from within... IS NOT THE SAME THING as saying being admired and complimented and LIKING THAT is bad.
> 
> 
> 
> Ok?
> 
> OK!
> 
> Edit: And everyone is gorgeous, GDit. so there.



Ha! I should read more and post less.


----------



## chicken legs

jenboo said:


> I think the irony of that thread is I started it with humour. It was not intended to look negative or disgruntled. I got a couple of reps that were able to see the op as it was intended, but unfortunately it was read by others who thought I meant it to be negative. It was after that that I started to respond and become disgruntled. I honestly think that some of it may be cultural. I am Canadian and think that maybe my wording or something if often misread and I often misread others. The us and Canada are so close we sometimes forget how different we are.



yeah i got the original post (i saw humor laced with true feelings) and saw that you got annoyed when people took it to seriously.


On a side note..

Thinking about my younger years and the view of my Brothers and Sisters (and friends) our mantra was like Jay-Z's new song..On to the next one...and it wasn't until I had my son that I slowed down a bit (and started posting more). However, I can't really speak for the rest of my friends an family.


----------



## Lina

jenboo said:


> I think the irony of that thread is I started it with humour. It was not intended to look negative or disgruntled. I got a couple of reps that were able to see the op as it was intended, but unfortunately it was read by others who thought I meant it to be negative. It was after that that I started to respond and become disgruntled. I honestly think that some of it may be cultural. I am Canadian and think that maybe my wording or something if often misread and I often misread others. The us and Canada are so close we sometimes forget how different we are.



I thought Canadians were suppose to be awesome?


----------



## superodalisque

jenboo said:


> We do not need to go out of our door to be barraged by negative messages. Often those who "love" or "admire" us are just as bad or worse than the society at large (haahaa pun intended). Often their dislike is covert and that is harder to see than the blatant shite that we get once outside of our door. For me I have *no where* that I am safe to be me. Dimensions included.



yes and sometimes it can be even more damaging coming from someone who is supposed to admire you.


----------



## superodalisque

olwen said:


> I haven't read thru this whole thread yet, just working my way backwards. I haven't read what SuperO wrote, but just to respond to this statement here, I disagree to some extent. I think we all seek approval of some sort whether from our lovers, family, friends, colleagues, what have you. I don't think it's a detriment to want that, I think it's just part of the human condition. I think also if you spend the better part of your life being told you aren't good enough either directly or indirectly, to hear that you are worthy in some way, whether sexual or otherwise is a huge confidence boost. I can certainly say this is true in my case. After you get used to hearing it, then you can take that feeling and begin to internalize it to where you no longer need to hear it from other people. It's also possible to hear such validation and totally reject it as absurd...I think the only way feedback from others begins to be hollow is when you think they aren't being genuine or if they say things only to try to get something out of you. Thing is tho, one has to have had approval in the first place to be able to tell when someone is being genuine and when they aren't.



i think you've make a great point that affirmation is good bcause it is. it can be a very healthy and constructive thing in life but someone can't ultimately be so utterly dependent upon it from the outside that thier life crumbles if they don't get it. lets be honest, a person can increase thier chances of not getting it if they don't ascribe to the average and have attitudes about life that people aren't already used to. so in that case it might be a little strange and unrealistic or maybe even a little cruel to yourself to base ones entire happiness on something they might not receive or at least have to work a little harder to get than other people. if someone is waiting to live thier life the way they want until someone says its okay --thats not good. self affirmation is much more dependable and never goes away. its always there when someone needs to take it out and look at it. it can be depended upon. it doesn't shatter as much as if you relied on it from the outside and you didn't happen to get it. outside negativity simply doesn't carry as much weight when a person truly already has a good opinion of themselves. if someone is fully dependent on outside affirmation in life to be the main meal they might just starve. i personally feel better off providing for myself and take the other as gravy. that way no one ever loses out.


----------



## TraciJo67

superodalisque said:


> i think you've make a great point that affirmation is good bcause it is. it can be a very healthy and constructive thing in life but someone can't ultimately be so utterly dependent upon it from the outside that thier life crumbles if they don't get it. lets be honest, a person can increase thier chances of not getting it if they don't ascribe to the average and have attitudes about life that people aren't already used to. so in that case it might be a little strange and unrealistic or maybe even a little cruel to yourself to base ones entire happiness on something they might not receive or at least have to work a little harder to get than other people. if someone is waiting to live thier life the way they want until someone says its okay --thats not good. self affirmation is much more dependable and never goes away. its always there when someone needs to take it out and look at it. it can be depended upon. it doesn't shatter as much as if you relied on it from the outside and you didn't happen to get it. outside negativity simply doesn't carry as much weight when a person truly already has a good opinion of themselves. if someone is fully dependent on outside affirmation in life to be the main meal they might just starve. i personally feel better off providing for myself and take the other as gravy. that way no one ever loses out.


 
This. I couldn't possibly say it better.


----------



## bigsexy920

I have to say that I came here originally out of curiosity and I did stay partly because of the attention and as I said earlier for the friendships that I made. I have noticed that I went from having one set of insecurities when I came here, about hating my size and that no one could really love me as me for being so big, to having them for being told I'm not big enough, with the comments like I really love a huge ass and thighs, or how much bigger would you be ok with. Still giving me insecurities about my body and how it looks.

SO even though those things bother the hell out of me and are painfully hurtful to hear and to know that , not even here Im good enough for men who like BBW's. ive come to the realization that NO matter where you go or who you are with - there are going to be people that like you and people that don't for a multitude of reasons, not just abundance of size or lack of size but for your attitude and personality to the color of your hair ..... and the list goes on and on and on.


----------



## butch

superodalisque said:


> i think you've make a great point that affirmation is good bcause it is. it can be a very healthy and constructive thing in life but someone can't ultimately be so utterly dependent upon it from the outside that thier life crumbles if they don't get it. lets be honest, a person can increase thier chances of not getting it if they don't ascribe to the average and have attitudes about life that people aren't already used to. so in that case it might be a little strange and unrealistic or maybe even a little cruel to yourself to base ones entire happiness on something they might not receive or at least have to work a little harder to get than other people. if someone is waiting to live thier life the way they want until someone says its okay --thats not good. self affirmation is much more dependable and never goes away. its always there when someone needs to take it out and look at it. it can be depended upon. it doesn't shatter as much as if you relied on it from the outside and you didn't happen to get it. outside negativity simply doesn't carry as much weight when a person truly already has a good opinion of themselves. if someone is fully dependent on outside affirmation in life to be the main meal they might just starve. i personally feel better off providing for myself and take the other as gravy. that way no one ever loses out.



But this is extremely difficult to do in a world that is saturated with one message-you must be partnered, you must get married. That your value to society and to humanity in general is based in large part on whether or not you are in a long term relationship. We're raised with that from birth, that being in a relationship is one of the most important things a person can do, and since our culture bases these pairings almost exclusively along the lines of physical attraction, how can we escape the need of external admiration?

If our society placed more emphasis on being attracted to one's internal qualities, then perhaps your observations would be more workable for women, but I think only the strongest among us can do what you propose, SuperO. That sort of internal strength, I would wager, is inborn, not earned.


----------



## Miss Vickie

RedVelvet said:


> I don't come here to be admired. ..Just saying.
> 
> Not sure I am alone, even.
> 
> I come here for friendship and humor and discussion.



Like Traci said, me too. Not that I don't mind on the rare occasions that it happens wubu, but mostly I get admired not for my cheekbones or chub but more for the content of my... erm.... posts. I've always come here for humor and friendship and have met some remarkable people here. I've been helped by information that I've learned here, and I've had the opportunity to help others. 

Many of us have a history here -- with the site, with each other -- and it's not so easy to just throw it away. So for those who are asking "why not just leave", it's because if I did leave I'd leave a conduit to many of my friends. Yes there are other ways of being in touch, but it's not the same as pulling up to the same virtual stool at the same bar where, as cliche'd as it sounds, everybody knows your name. It's possible, but not optimal. Plus, the people who are considering leaving or have left are people who -- like FA's -- have brought a lot to Dimensions. A lot of camaraderie, of support, of empathy, of information, of humor. I don't think it's so easy to throw *them* away, either. At least not for me. 

I completely "get" that this is Conrad's site. The infrastructure is his and he's done a tremendous amount of work and should be commended for that. But this site is more than its non-brick-and-mortar structure. It's also the people here, and while he has a vision for how he wants Dimensions to be (not unlike how I wanted HPR to be, quite frankly), and more power to him, there are lots of people who also -- by their very nature as individuals -- contribute to the site and can color it, a little or a lot. I don't see this as a bad thing.

So yes, while Dimensions is a place for fat people and the people who admire them, it's also -- at least in spirit even if it's not Conrad's intent -- come to be so much more. It's for formerly fat people who are passionate about "the cause", because there has always been a size positive element to the site where we can talk about injustices to fat people and how to address them. It's for discussing health problems, thanks to the health board. It's for discussing WLS. It's for discussing political events (because we are so much more than teh fat, or love of teh fat). Hell, it's even a way to send Christmas cards to each other! I think these other elements to the site give it depth and richer color and benefit *all* of us, and I still say "us" because I'm not planning on leaving any time soon.



Sandie_Zitkus said:


> But - what about women who get no validation or admiration in their lives? Coming here could be a life changing experience - for the better. No?



I think as RV said, admiration is nice. Who doesn't like the attention? We all do, even we *cough* women of a certain age *cough*.  But I think that ultimately, it has to come from within, otherwise we come so dependent on it that if we don't get it, we can't find it within ourselves to believe in our worth and beauty without some stranger or friend telling us we're "hawt". Having people give us positive reinforcement, of providing a counter voice to those messages of self hate, is a wonderful thing. And I think it can be a springboard to doing the work of self actualization. But it can't replace it, not that anyone is suggesting that.



> Edit: And everyone is gorgeous, GDit. so there.



*primps mightily* Thank you, RV. :kiss2:



superodalisque said:


> i think you've make a great point that affirmation is good bcause it is. it can be a very healthy and constructive thing in life but someone can't ultimately be so utterly dependent upon it from the outside that thier life crumbles if they don't get it. lets be honest, a person can increase thier chances of not getting it if they don't ascribe to the average and have attitudes about life that people aren't already used to. so in that case it might be a little strange and unrealistic or maybe even a little cruel to yourself to base ones entire happiness on something they might not receive or at least have to work a little harder to get than other people. if someone is waiting to live thier life the way they want until someone says its okay --thats not good. self affirmation is much more dependable and never goes away. its always there when someone needs to take it out and look at it. it can be depended upon. it doesn't shatter as much as if you relied on it from the outside and you didn't happen to get it. outside negativity simply doesn't carry as much weight when a person truly already has a good opinion of themselves. if someone is fully dependent on outside affirmation in life to be the main meal they might just starve. i personally feel better off providing for myself and take the other as gravy. that way no one ever loses out.



Yes, absolutely. You said this so much better than I just did but I'm too lazy to go back and erase it. So there!


----------



## mergirl

katorade said:


> Especially Mergirl. She should leave all beans alone...and tartar sauce. For the sake of humanity.


 :blush:
.............


----------



## Famouslastwords

mergirl said:


> :blush:
> .............





It's ok Mergirl we can be in the fartly lift together alternately laughing and being disgusted at our own and each other's farts.


----------



## mergirl

Famouslastwords said:


> It's ok Mergirl we can be in the fartly lift together alternately laughing and being disgusted at our own and each other's farts.


Yay!...Good times... good times!!


----------



## Famouslastwords

mergirl said:


> Yay!...Good times... good times!!



They can call us the stinkpot twins. You can be toilet head and I can be shit breath


----------



## RedVelvet

Wow..this is all so ladylike and romantic..

(snort..)

:happy:


----------



## superodalisque

butch said:


> But this is extremely difficult to do in a world that is saturated with one message-you must be partnered, you must get married. That your value to society and to humanity in general is based in large part on whether or not you are in a long term relationship. We're raised with that from birth, that being in a relationship is one of the most important things a person can do, and since our culture bases these pairings almost exclusively along the lines of physical attraction, how can we escape the need of external admiration?
> 
> If our society placed more emphasis on being attracted to one's internal qualities, then perhaps your observations would be more workable for women, but I think only the strongest among us can do what you propose, SuperO. That sort of internal strength, I would wager, is inborn, not earned.



i can understand this view and i can empathize with it. but at some point in your life its important to realize that your life belongs to you. its totally your own responsibility. can someone be comfortable with going to thier grave disliking themselves because of what someone else who probably doesn't have any idea who they are and doesn't care says? should we spend the other 50 or so years we have left after maybe living with cruel parents or emotional bullies in high school mulling it over and over in our minds and allowing it to bring us down over and over and over again? why are we constantly thinking of the nasty look we got for half a second last week or a two second comment from someone who is probably emotionally worse off than we are? are we giving them too much power? well, yes. but we are the ones doing it. we are the ones chosing to make someone else's opinion of ourslves higher than our own. why? 

at some point we have to write our own scripts and make our own personal beauty standard that includes us. i think any person can do it but they have to decide. granted it can be difficult. but when you talk to the same people they've overcome and mastered a lot of difficult things in thier lives. i don't think strength is the problem. being on dims really made me especially realize how amazing the people here are in thier ability to overcome obstacles. my hat is really off for sure. there is so much inspiration here. i can say it really gave me the feeling i could manage some difficult things that have come my way in the past years. but, i think part of the real problem might be that people can be afraid of being acceptable or attractive because that might bring a certain set of standards and responsibilities to thier life that they might be afraid of. once fat isn't ugly what then? once your happy with perhaps being single what then? once you have the family you invision and not the one set out before you as the norm then what? sometimes people feel safe when they are swaddled in certian hurts and challenges. breaking out of that can make people feel vulnerable because they no longer have a reason not to live. ther is nothing to hide behind. they won't have the justification of being wronged as a reason for why they aren't loving themselves or other people.

i have the feeling that feeling worthy of your own love for yourself is the main thing folks can miss. i think its easy to put it off on the media but i really think that has more to do with an inner struggle that a lot of people have no matter what their size is. its just for a lot of us size is the handiest excuse. but the day we are ready to let go and realize that we are worthy of our own love is the day we are truly free from most of the doubt and self loathing. i think that maybe what society is really attracted to is our attraction to ourselves for the most part. and the others are probably not out there in the world to approve of anyone else anyway because they don't approve of themselves yet either.


----------



## lovelocs

butch said:


> But this is extremely difficult to do in a world that is saturated with one message-you must be partnered, you must get married. That your value to society and to humanity in general is based in large part on whether or not you are in a long term relationship. We're raised with that from birth, that being in a relationship is one of the most important things a person can do, and since our culture bases these pairings almost exclusively along the lines of physical attraction, how can we escape the need of external admiration?
> 
> If our society placed more emphasis on being attracted to one's internal qualities, then perhaps your observations would be more workable for women, but I think only the strongest among us can do what you propose, SuperO. That sort of internal strength, I would wager, is inborn, not earned.





While I agree with the majority of your post, Butch, I do feel that emotional strength, much like the physical kind, can be earned, built up, or banked. People may be born with more or less strength, but where they go with it is up to them. Much like a person can be physically torn down, and rebuild themselves both consciously (through physical therapy and healthy living) and through the healing actions of the body, the same can happen emotionally. I am stronger when I participate in activities which make me stronger (such as improving my mind or outlook), and when I seek out affirming situations and people with which to associate (also thinking of LillyBBW's ego stroking friends ). I think both forms of input are crucial. I don't know of any psychologist who would state that a person is capable of sustaining themselves indefinitely socially and emotionally without the positive input of others. On the contrary, lack of social and interpersonal support has been linked to physical and mental deterioration in many studies. I wish I was immune to the negative messages around me, but I'm not. If I let them they can tear me down very badly. But I rebuild myself, both alone and with others I know I can count on.


----------



## superodalisque

superodalisque said:


> yeah i understand that. thats why i said things were complex. but once you've had the other thing consolation etc... looks sad.
> 
> i'm not saying she meant it this way at all but to me overall it just looks like someone saying "i'm just grateful someone wanted to F**k me". i can't help but feel sad.



i want to apologize to Lovelocs for my statement regarding her post. it was worded in a rude and inconsiderate way. i hope she can overlook my stupidity. invalidating her experience and cheapening the meaning of it for her was really unfair of me. i promise to try and be more careful in the future.


----------



## RedVelvet

superodalisque said:


> i want to apologize to Lovelocs for my statement regarding her post. it was worded in a rude and inconsiderate way. i hope she can overlook my stupidity. invalidating her experience and cheapening the meaning of it for her was really unfair of me. i promise to try and be more careful in the future.



Supero is a classy dame. Loves you to death, Madam.


----------



## superodalisque

RedVelvet said:


> Supero is a classy dame. Loves you to death, Madam.



i' be a whole lot classier if i hadn't done it in the first place--but thank you hon


----------



## jenboo

RedVelvet said:


> Supero is a classy dame. Loves you to death, Madam.



I agree. It takes a big person to admit and apologize something


----------



## lovelocs

Apology accepted. The incident no longer exists, as far as I'm concerned.


----------



## SocialbFly

jenboo said:


> I agree. It takes a big person to admit and apologize something



and evne better when the person you wronged says something positive back, or so i hear.


----------



## chicken legs

butch said:


> We're raised with that from birth, that being in a relationship is one of the most important things a person can do, and since our culture bases these pairings almost exclusively along the lines of physical attraction, how can we escape the need of external admiration?



Well, for me, I just hid my external. It started out by not wanting guys to see me as a girl because I like doing more "masculine" things and I didnt want girls to perceive me as competition. Later I did it because I was studying how to reach higher levels of awareness and it required me to get past my own body. Now, on this board, I do it by not posting pics.


----------



## butch

superodalisque said:


> i can understand this view and i can empathize with it. but at some point in your life its important to realize that your life belongs to you. its totally your own responsibility. can someone be comfortable with going to thier grave disliking themselves because of what someone else who probably doesn't have any idea who they are and doesn't care says? should we spend the other 50 or so years we have left after maybe living with cruel parents or emotional bullies in high school mulling it over and over in our minds and allowing it to bring us down over and over and over again? why are we constantly thinking of the nasty look we got for half a second last week or a two second comment from someone who is probably emotionally worse off than we are? are we giving them too much power? well, yes. but we are the ones doing it. we are the ones chosing to make someone else's opinion of ourslves higher than our own. why?
> 
> at some point we have to write our own scripts and make our own personal beauty standard that includes us. i think any person can do it but they have to decide. granted it can be difficult. but when you talk to the same people they've overcome and mastered a lot of difficult things in thier lives. i don't think strength is the problem. being on dims really made me especially realize how amazing the people here are in thier ability to overcome obstacles. my hat is really off for sure. there is so much inspiration here. i can say it really gave me the feeling i could manage some difficult things that have come my way in the past years. but, i think part of the real problem might be that people can be afraid of being acceptable or attractive because that might bring a certain set of standards and responsibilities to thier life that they might be afraid of. once fat isn't ugly what then? once your happy with perhaps being single what then? once you have the family you invision and not the one set out before you as the norm then what? sometimes people feel safe when they are swaddled in certian hurts and challenges. breaking out of that can make people feel vulnerable because they no longer have a reason not to live. ther is nothing to hide behind. they won't have the justification of being wronged as a reason for why they aren't loving themselves or other people.
> 
> i have the feeling that feeling worthy of your own love for yourself is the main thing folks can miss. i think its easy to put it off on the media but i really think that has more to do with an inner struggle that a lot of people have no matter what their size is. its just for a lot of us size is the handiest excuse. but the day we are ready to let go and realize that we are worthy of our own love is the day we are truly free from most of the doubt and self loathing. i think that maybe what society is really attracted to is our attraction to ourselves for the most part. and the others are probably not out there in the world to approve of anyone else anyway because they don't approve of themselves yet either.



I get that, but since we're both teachers, we know that one of the best ways to actually inculcate a piece of knowledge, a skill, and make sure that it sticks, includes positive and negative feedback from the instructor. In order to learn and hold onto feelings of positivity about one's suitability as a mate in an environment saturated with the message that the chief way a women becomes a partner is by their physical appearance, where does the positive feedback come frome? It can't 'just' come from inside, and as much as we all love it when our girlfriends tell us we're hot, they're not in a category to decide whether they want to date us or not (unless we're lesbian and then our circle of female friends sure can).

If all we needed was an internal fortitude, an unshakable belief in our own wonderfulness without external stimuli, then I go back to my teaching metaphor-it is the rare student who is talented enough, and smart enough, to know they're an 'A' student without reacting and learning from teacher feedback. Those kinds of people drop out of college and form computer companies. The rest of us go to class, pick up our exams and papers, and see what we need to do to improve, and decide from there if, and how, we can get to that 'A' level. 

I think lots of folks can become internally motivated to reach the state you speak of, SuperO, I just think they need some lessons, some tools, and some practice before they get there, and the most effective way, rightly or wrongly, is to learn from skilled others in how to get to that state.


----------



## SocialbFly

you know, i never had to get past my own thoughts, it was my parents that i constantly hear in my head, itis funny, my attitude finally changed my mom, the last couple of years before she died, she would say, "Dianna, if they can't take you like you are, then fuck 'em". It always cracked me up when mom cussed.


----------



## tonynyc

SocialbFly said:


> you know, i never had to get past my own thoughts, it was my parents that i constantly hear in my head, itis funny, my attitude finally changed my mom, the last couple of years before she died, she would say, "Dianna, *if they can't take you like you are, then fuck 'em". *It always cracked me up when mom cussed.



QFT :bow: :bow: :bow:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

kioewen said:


> What??? This is a recipe for keeping people alone their whole lives. Being "honest" is little comfort when you're perpetually single.
> 
> What if someone is by nature a jerk? Shouldn't they "change for someone else"? Or at least try? I should think so.
> 
> Oh, I know. The response will be, "I only mean physically." Really? If I was pursuing someone, really cared for them and adored them, and it mattered to them that I be muscular instead of thin, I'd be perfectly willing to do the whole gym thing. It would seem like a small thing to do, on my end, if it meant a lot to them.
> 
> Relationships are compromise. Oh, I'm sure some people just magically find perfectly compatible soulmates, but the odds against that happening for everyone are astronomical. For the rest of us, we have to change -- or end up "honest" and alone.



So you aren't looking for a person to accept you how you come? You would rather have someone tell you, everyday, what is wrong with you, in their eyes? You don't need a romantic partner to find that, btw.....just cannot imagine someone intentionally setting out to marry that kind of shit.....

I don't get how that is better than being alone.....but that's just me :blink:




Admiral_Snackbar said:


> A cross-sectional sub-species analysis of the Free-Range Dims Member (_Dimensionae rotundus sapiens_):
> 
> The Batshit Crazies: I'm going to post some really hurtful shit and deny I said it for the next two weeks until I get embroiled in another 20-page thread controversy.
> 
> The Godmins: I shall smite thy offensive post with all the smitey smitiness of my...smite key!
> 
> The Board Babes: My 4,000 calorie milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard!
> 
> The Lotharios: I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! SLURRP! I DRINK IT UPP! AND HERS, AND HERS, AND THIS BABE OVER HERE! My junk has hit so much tail on this board from here to Albuquerque that it looks like a steamer trunk...
> 
> Paysite Sycophants: I likes the pretty girls and the big fat fuck fantasy and can you please post more pics while I post unflattering cam captures of myself, hee hee hoo hoo ah ahhhhh...WHERE'S THE LANOLIN?!!!
> 
> The Cognoscenti: All these boards are yours except WLS. Attempt no landing there. Use them together. Use them in peace. Oh who the fuck am I kidding...throw down, bitch!
> 
> The Bitches: I'm just here to bitch and make myself look smarter, superior and more attractive than any of you. My 20 cats agree with me, so I must be right.
> 
> The Assholes: What that smarmy bitch just said, minus all the pussies. Tut, tut, cheerio and I'm off to have my tea and scones while I verbally assault someone because my parents didn't love me. I'd follow up to your rebuke but I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes.
> 
> Smarmy boys: I'd insert a witty comment, but I'm too busy designing lolcats.
> 
> Uber nerds: This thread is exactly like episode 75 of Next Generation, except less Worf. Check out my Gundam collection in the background of my display picture, isn't it rad?!
> 
> The Heartless Bastards: I slam fat girls in public but love to screw them in private because they're easy and they all want me, too. Check out my awesome pectoral muscles and complete lack of respect for your emotions!
> 
> The Fetishists: You need more weight, stretch marks and chins. The edema isn't unhealthy at all...in fact, it's positively fappable. It's not sexy until it has it's own gravity well.
> 
> The Scary Fetishists: It rubs the lotion on it's stretch marks or else it gets the hose again! Oh, and you need to gain another 100 lbs.. In six months.
> 
> The Skinny FFAs: Fat boys rock! Now I can be edgy and against the grain and make big boy dreams come true! Sure, there are only 30 of us in the world, but there are others out there, far across the heavens, in the closet, just waiting to find our perfect John Goodman lookalike!
> 
> The Jack Sprats: The cool thing about being 120 lbs. to her 400 is that I fit neatly into carryon luggage compartments. Or her belly rolls. I can continue to stay healthy while she gains due to my mutant fruit fly metabolism.
> 
> The Virgins: I LIEK BOOBZ! Vaginas are weird, we loves them but they scares us, Preciousss...
> 
> The Younglings: I'm 22 and know everything about the wurld and how dare you pit your 30 years of wisdom against my post-high school, neo-collegiate angst! I mean, I've read Harry Potter and Twilight 20 fucking times! I had sex last week, twice! Peace out.
> 
> The Elders: You're 22, you don't know shit about shit, much less relationships, heartbreak, parenting, divorce, debt, health issues due to 30 years of being 100 lbs. overweight and all the sordid personalities of this board that existed before you were a fucking ZYGOTE! Pull up your pants and get the Hell off my lawn!
> 
> Sylvia Plathites: Death surrounds us all, loneliness wraps us like a cold blanket full of Cheetos residue and stale Skittles. I don't know why some of us keep on going except to post one...last...meaningful...statement!
> 
> The Comedians: Hey did you hear I got a weak back? When did you get a weak back? Oh, about a week back! WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA! Oh, and shit, piss, fuck, boobs, peace, love and crabs!
> 
> I may be missing a few but that about covers it.



I love this. However, I liked how someone asked how you fit in....after I wondered where you put me in that list 



RedVelvet said:


> I don't come here to be admired. ..Just saying.
> 
> Not sure I am alone, even.
> 
> I come here for friendship and humor and discussion.



Indeed......I was curious in the beginning....a whole forum for guys that like fat ladies. It dawned on me, after a bit of time here, that there is no hard fast rule for people liking/preferring you though. Fat world is a mixed bag....just like it is out in skinny world.

The friendship, joking around, comraderie and understanding from others in a similar situation is nice. I came to look at the men.....find out about them. However....to my surprise, it was the women that impressed me most and make me want to stay.  
To be honest, I have found most of my "strength" and "confidence" that I have out in the world from them....and from within myself. 





mcbeth said:


> Perhaps this is different for people who have a significant other admiring them in real life? I know for me, and for some of the other single ladies I've talked to, it can be nice to receive compliments and affirmation from time to time, even in e-form, when it's not happening in person.
> 
> Is it an adequate substitute for the real thing? Hell no. But it can still feel nice.
> 
> Which is not to say the ONLY reason I come here is to be admired, at ALL. I PRIMARILY come for friendship, discussion, humor, etc. But for some of us single gals, a little admiration now and then is a nice thing.  Just throwing it out there.



I like it when I am lucky enough to receive praise/positive words/attention for a picture. I also like it when people like what I post that isn't just a joke or a photo. It all means something in the overall picture- total package kind of deal? The women here are part of that, IMO. 

Not saying you meant that....just using your post as a springing board  



superodalisque said:


> PS: if i want to be admired i just walk outside my door. i don't need a special case to be found beautiful. so if i happen to want that kind of lift i'm not dependent on dims for that and neither is any other woman here even if she's been made to think that she is.



Lol, I balk sometimes at the idea that someone complimenting a picture on the net "changes my life" somehow. I enjoy that aspect as much as anyone else here but life is, indeed, much more complicated than that. People NEED more than that for TRUE confidence and strength. 

Keeping things in perspective, when being "admired", is essential, IMO. 




James said:


> Not to say you are wrong, because clearly I'm not fat nor am I a woman...but... *I think that when any woman steps outside her door, she is met by a barrage of messages and advertising telling her that she is deficient*... until she buys product a,b or c. I'm not going to say that the same isn't true here to some extent. Is this social construct an anti-feminist tyranny or is it just the female condition for this to be the dominant dynamic? I suspect its a combination of both... but once again, thats just my observation as an outsider looking in. I mean no offense to anyone.



I can find that message anywhere....IRL or the net. Dims is not immune to emitting negative messages sometimes......

Have to take the good with the bad.....everywhere. 



jenboo said:


> We do not need to go out of our door to be barraged by negative messages. Often those who "love" or "admire" us are just as bad or worse than the society at large (haahaa pun intended). Often their dislike is covert and that is harder to see than the blatant shite that we get once outside of our door. For me I have *no where* that I am safe to be me. Dimensions included.



But she already covered it  

However, my difference is that I do feel "safe" about many things.....but that feeling came from within me....not from the internet. 




bigsexy920 said:


> I have to say that I came here originally out of curiosity and I did stay partly because of the attention and as I said earlier for the friendships that I made. I have noticed that I went from having one set of insecurities when I came here, about hating my size and that no one could really love me as me for being so big, to having them for being told I'm not big enough, with the comments like I really love a huge ass and thighs, or how much bigger would you be ok with. Still giving me insecurities about my body and how it looks.
> 
> SO even though those things bother the hell out of me and are painfully hurtful to hear and to know that , not even here Im good enough for men who like BBW's. ive come to the realization that NO matter where you go or who you are with - there are going to be people that like you and people that don't for a multitude of reasons, not just abundance of size or lack of size but for your attitude and personality to the color of your hair ..... and the list goes on and on and on.



I concur, once again..... 


:bow:


----------



## Wagimawr

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> So you aren't looking for a person to accept you how you come? You would rather have someone tell you, everyday, what is wrong with you, in their eyes? You don't need a romantic partner to find that, btw.....just cannot imagine someone intentionally setting out to marry that kind of shit.....


It sounds like the determination is already made that there's been some people who need to be bitched into changing and some that don't. User's discretion, I guess...


----------



## Famouslastwords

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> So you aren't looking for a person to accept you how you come? You would rather have someone tell you, everyday, what is wrong with you, in their eyes? You don't need a romantic partner to find that, btw.....just cannot imagine someone intentionally setting out to marry that kind of shit.....
> 
> I don't get how that is better than being alone.....but that's just me :blink:



I agree. My mom wanted me to lose weight so I could find a better man while I was single. I tried to lose weight, for health reasons, but at the same time I thought "aw hell I don't want any man who can't accept me at any weight, because really, one day it might all come back."



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I love this. However, I liked how someone asked how you fit in....after I wondered where you put me in that list


I repped him and said he forgot poop and fart under comedians. WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA. *edit* I don't count shit as poop. Poop is funny, shit is...something you step in.


----------



## cinnamitch

mossystate said:


> But...has anybody defined what is...is?
> 
> 
> Yeah...think about THAT, why dontcha!!!
> 
> 
> :bow:



it is what it is and that is all that it is. is you is or is you aint my baby?

Dims will be what different folks want it to be. Sufficient for some, lacking for others.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I love this. However, I liked how someone asked how you fit in....after I wondered where you put me in that list



Well, as I told many people--and thanks to all those who gave me a ridiculous amount of rep--I didn't expect a response to something which I felt in all likelihood would get bounced or pulled within minutes or would earn me a bannination or something. I figure if Conrad reps the post it's pretty much stayin'. 

Many friends who I do speak to on occasion here don't really fit into those 'categories' I gave. Without sounding like too much of a kiss-ass, those on here closest to me rather defy any simple categorization and are too awesome out of the box for me to insult with my simplistic labels.

A monumental amount of people on the other hand--and it's not just here but it's everywhere online--otherwise there wouldn't be a fucking Troll Dictionary (link reposted for awesomeness)-- happen to be so repetitious in their posting style, attitude and mannerisms (both what they post about and what they indicate they do in Real Life(tm)), that it's easy to slot them into a predictable group. A troll is a troll is a troll, and emotional vampires, Debbie Downers, Doug and Wendy Whiners are easy to spot if you're astute enough. Bottom line is that shit gets old, and per Sturgeon's Law you could take the lot of it and reduce the size of the Dims traffic by easily 60%. 

That being said, a) I don't make the rules--I've seen the boss' job, and I don't want it, and b) you may possess some qualities of said category (e.g., catlady) while being a totally kick-ass person at other times, so for thems who say "Hey, Admiral Hackbar, don't paint Baby into a corner!", _mea culpa_. The original post was part humor, part social commentary, part tired guy flying high on a cocktail of Vicodin, Yoo-Hoo and Froot Loops. My muse is a fickle, unpredictable bastard.

We now return you to your regularly-scheduled fecalphobia/lolcat banter...


----------



## Sandie S-R

Please keep the thread on topic.

There is a thread in the lounge for lolcatz and other jokes - this is not it.

/Mod


----------



## katherine22

LoveBHMS said:


> Would you all be happier if everyone just concedes you win? I'll do it. You win. Conrad doesn't _really_ care about fat people and doesn't care about size acceptance. Dims is nothing but FA nirvana where fat people only are allowed to exist as eye candy. Fat people should only even participate here to post pictures or to tell FAs how grateful they are for the attention. The private SS board, the BBW board, the fact that most of the mods are fat women, it's all window dressing. It's all for show.
> 
> But here's the thing, look at the first part of the statement:
> 
> 
> 
> If it's always been this, then the idea that things have "changed" just really means the site is returning to its original stated purpose. It might have gotten aways from it for a while there, but now he's front and center saying it's always been for FAs. So like it or not, you've just proven you were right. Dims is for FAs. Go on and display all the righteous indignation you want, hey, you've earned it.



What are you advocating - slavish religious adherence? Do you actually put your hands around someone's throat in real life when their ideas are not exactly like yours?


----------



## chicken legs

Webmaster said:


> *Dimensions is a size-positive community *that has been growing in leaps and bounds over the years. By now, we're by far the largest such community online. While *we have one thing in common, being fat or preferring fat,* we have varying interests, and that's why I am adding resources when there seems a need for them.
> 
> By and large I do not believe in splitting the community into too many boards because that tends to lead to groups and cliques rather than *foster interaction between fat people and their admirer,* as is part of Dimensions' mission.
> 
> .



This old OP really hit the nail on the head for me.


----------



## LoveBHMS

katherine22 said:


> What are you advocating - slavish religious adherence? Do you actually put your hands around someone's throat in real life when their ideas are not exactly like yours?



Your response doesn't even relate to what I said.

If certain people here want to believe that Conrad doesn't care about fat people, or cares less about fat people than FAs or they're going to throw fits and stomp their feet and insist Conrad tell them "This board is primarily for Size Acceptance" then let them. This isn't at all about "my ideas" at all. The OP clearly states the purpose of Dimensions and if people insist on iterpreting it to fit their own emotional need to be perennial victims and to feel forever slighted, angry, and maligned, I say let them.


----------



## butch

What does size acceptance really mean, anyway? At this point I don't even know what people think that means, and for me, I'm confused at how the term gets used on this site by people on all sides of the epic conflict we've got going on right now. What are we fighting for when we say size acceptance, and where are we fighting for it?


----------



## LoveBHMS

butch said:


> What does size acceptance really mean, anyway? At this point I don't even know what people think that means, and for me, I'm confused at how the term gets used on this site by people on all sides of the epic conflict we've got going on right now. What are we fighting for when we say size acceptance, and where are we fighting for it?



Initially i thought it meant eliminating mindsets and subsequent actions in public or private that attach any particular characteristics to somebody regarding their size, increasing public accomodations, and increasing awareness of the needs of a variety of body shapes and sizes. This can mean anything from making it unacceptable to call any skinny person anorexic, making malls aware that there is a market for SS clothing, or encouraging office managers to have armless chairs in the HR department so job applicants can be comfortable.

What I've seen it come to mean here is that any subject that might potentially be offensive to a fat person can't be discussed. Any subject that might have had a negative affect on some subset of fat people at some point in time is de facto unacceptable and needs to be ridiculed. The idea that there is or is not SA also seems to serve as the rallying cry for personality clashes; if somebody is not sufficiently hewn to size acceptance they must be bad people.

I'll say it right now, I didn't come here for size acceptance and it's not really a major issue for me. That having been said, being here has made me aware of it and definitely has allowed me to meet some badassed fat people as well as some badassed FAs and FFAs, and when I socialize with the fat people I'm now aware of things like restaurant seating or making sure they're comfortable in a car or on the subway. I posted about this on the FA board but when I was waitressing I had the occaision to reprimand a host who put a party of fat people in a booth (I did the reprimanding after I showed them an empty table and told them they could move). That's not a huge deal and doesn't make me a better person, but it probably meant any fat patrons that the host had to seat were shown to tables so I did make that little corner of the world a better place for fatties.


----------



## cinnamitch

But if it is truly a site for FA and the fatties( i hate that word, i am Cindy, i am not an adjective , verb or other connotation), then if there is something written that causes said admired , adored, fat person emotional pain, would one not be bothered by it? However, its done, the rules are plain. However i will say that you will ( and by you i mean in general you)(damn i hate having to preface the you stuff too), NEVER, have a peaceful coexistence when there is the continued top dogging, and pot stirring done and yes i mean it in every way and yes i mean it as pot stirring when someone resurrects a post from AUGUST, wondering if the climate is better, when anyone can cut the tension on this site with a knife. If anyone truly wants to have any kind of getting along, then i suggest that some things just need to be let go of. ( with all these parenthesis, i feel like Jim Gaffigan's little voice ( hot pockets) )




LoveBHMS said:


> Initially i thought it meant eliminating mindsets and subsequent actions in public or private that attach any particular characteristics to somebody regarding their size, increasing public accomodations, and increasing awareness of the needs of a variety of body shapes and sizes. This can mean anything from making it unacceptable to call any skinny person anorexic, making malls aware that there is a market for SS clothing, or encouraging office managers to have armless chairs in the HR department so job applicants can be comfortable.
> 
> What I've seen it come to mean here is that any subject that might potentially be offensive to a fat person can't be discussed. Any subject that might have had a negative affect on some subset of fat people at some point in time is de facto unacceptable and needs to be ridiculed. The idea that there is or is not SA also seems to serve as the rallying cry for personality clashes; if somebody is not sufficiently hewn to size acceptance they must be bad people.
> 
> I'll say it right now, I didn't come here for size acceptance and it's not really a major issue for me. That having been said, being here has made me aware of it and definitely has allowed me to meet some badassed fat people as well as some badassed FAs and FFAs, and when I socialize with the fat people I'm now aware of things like restaurant seating or making sure they're comfortable in a car or on the subway. I posted about this on the FA board but when I was waitressing I had the occaision to reprimand a host who put a party of fat people in a booth (I did the reprimanding after I showed them an empty table and told them they could move). That's not a huge deal and doesn't make me a better person, but it probably meant any fat patrons that the host had to seat were shown to tables so I did make that little corner of the world a better place for fatties.


----------



## LoveBHMS

cinnamitch said:


> But if it is truly a site for FA and the fatties( i hate that word, i am Cindy, i am not an adjective , verb or other connotation), then if there is something written that causes said admired , adored, fat person emotional pain, would one not be bothered by it? However, its done, the rules are plain. However i will say that you will ( and by you i mean in general you)(damn i hate having to preface the you stuff too), NEVER, have a peaceful coexistence when there is the continued top dogging, and pot stirring done and yes i mean it in every way and yes i mean it as pot stirring when someone resurrects a post from AUGUST, wondering if the climate is better, when anyone can cut the tension on this site with a knife. If anyone truly wants to have any kind of getting along, then i suggest that some things just need to be let go of. ( with all these parenthesis, i feel like Jim Gaffigan's little voice ( hot pockets) )



Ok, first off I apologize if my choice of words was hurtful. I don't actually use that word in real life, I just sort of picked it up here from seeing _some_ fat people use it so i assumed it was ok. I'm sorry if it bothered you.

Secondly, this site has forums for matters related to fat sexuality. Some of it may be upsetting to some fat people. There are some fat people who get off on reach and mobility issues and some for whom they're painful, and likely others for whom they're a fact of life but neither really painful or arousing. Nobody engages in those discussion to hurt anyone else, and in fact they're specifically kept (by site design and moderation) to specific parts of this board. Anyone wishing to avoid reading them can easily do so. I'd even go so far as to suggest that the most outspoken, hardcore fetishists will be the first to report posts in the wrong area or to chastise posters who make innappropriate comments. There are also a large number of women here who are very outspoken about both being upset by the topics on the Weight Board and also not going there. The constant refrain of "I can go anywhere I want" is stupid; i can go to an adult bookstore and look at amputee fetish porn, i don't do it because i find it gross and upsetting. Everyone knows what's on the Weight Board and everyone knows how to avoid it if they want to. Its existence isn't harming anyone.


----------



## JoyJoy

The issue for most people who are disgruntled isn't the idea that Conrad doesn't care for fat people. 

Here's my take on it. I came here as an insecure fat girl. By posting pictures and participating I made friends, etc, and grew to feel this was a "safe" place. Much of this perception was gained through me ignoring a lot of the stuff I didn't go for, although at times it bothered me, but the comforts and benefits were worth sticking around and co-existing with the extremes. We were encouraged to feel that we were in a fat-positive place where we could learn to accept ourselves and others and have access to resources that helped us live more successful lives. In many ways, it's been a godsend and a resource that I've long been very thankful for. It played a huge role in helping me become the person I am now, and I am grateful to Conrad for it's existence and role in my life. 

Over the past couple of years, though, there have been things that have come to light - things that, to MANY of us, degrade or humiliate fat people - in most instances, women, things that show a lack of respect toward fat women, attitudes that make us feel like little more than "eye candy" and "slabs of meat". Some of these things came to light because of changes in me personally - a shift in my perceptions and opinions, but not all. There have always been things here that have bordered on that, but the things I'm referring to have been more extreme, and most of you know what I'm talking about. Then you have the underage issue, which strikes a deep chord for many, no matter who wants to try to play it off as not such a big deal for...some. 

So here's where the problem started - quite awhile back. Some of us started speaking up about the extremes that bothered us, believing that the powers that be would care how we felt, since we were valued (?), contributing members of this community (and I'm not referring to money). We were mostly ignored, our concerns never directly or adequately addressed, and we've gone through several phases of what we're seeing now. Frustration, anger and disillusionment made us complain louder and more often. The things that have been made to seem acceptable here have shown us that this place we felt safe in is anything but for anyone who isn't willing to just smile pretty and accept everything posted here. 

I hear all the cries of "Don't like it...leave! This is the way it is, deal with it! etc" I've been guilty of saying those things myself, in times past. And yes, I have given much thought to leaving. I don't feel compelled to explain why I still come here, and frankly, it's no one else's business and doesn't have to make sense to anyone else but me, but the comfort I used to feel in coming here is gone. 

I totally get that the things that bother some of us are part of other people's "fetishes", and that dimensions has been set up as a place for those people to feel comfortable expressing themselves. I really do get that. And I get that it's not as focused on size acceptance as I once believed that it was. Where the problem lies for me is that when there has been controversy, the result has nearly always fallen on the side of those with the fetishes, and those uncomfortable with them have been told to sit down and shut up and deal with it, because dimensions exists for all to feel comfortable with what gets them off. Because we haven't done that, we've been labeled with all kinds of ugly names and accused of being nothing more than bullies and shit-stirrers. So, because we who don't like the fact that some get off on our struggles, or that some like the idea of feeding a woman until she dies, or even that some hide the fact that they love fat women, among other things....WE have been made to feel that we don't belong here, because we're not willing to remain silent about extreme things that we find disrespectful toward us. 

So, I have to apologize for Conrad for my earlier comment about his OP. I appreciate the fact that he posted to clarify his stance. But I've said it before, and will say it again and again - while the original mission is honorable, and there has been some great success, the wide scope of things here is self-defeating and damaging and the controversy is never going to go away as long as both ends of the spectrum are grouped together here. Never. Why? Because when you have people here who enjoy things that make another group feel bad, those groups are always going to clash. And when the concerns of one group take a higher priority than the concerns of the other, there's going to be discord and alienation. So, while you say you don't like dimensions being known as a fetish site, the fact is, Conrad...it is. It's many things, but to some of us, it's obvious that fetish is one of the big parts, whether that was part of your original goal or not, and those fetishes don't mesh with those who are learning how to feel good about themselves as they are. 

Before anyone responds to me, keep in mind that I am not saying in any way that there is anything wrong with said fetishes. I'm not bashing any group in particular. I'm saying that I don't believe successful, peaceful co-existence between the groups here is possible.


----------



## LoveBHMS

JoyJoy said:


> The issue for most people who are disgruntled isn't the idea that Conrad doesn't care for fat people.
> 
> Here's my take on it. I came here as an insecure fat girl. By posting pictures and participating I made friends, etc, and grew to feel this was a "safe" place. *Much of this perception was gained through me ignoring a lot of the stuff I didn't go for, although at times it bothered me, but the comforts and benefits were worth sticking around and co-existing with the extremes.* We were encouraged to feel that we were in a fat-positive place where we could learn to accept ourselves and others and have access to resources that helped us live more successful lives. In many ways, it's been a godsend and a resource that I've long been very thankful for. It played a huge role in helping me become the person I am now, and I am grateful to Conrad for it's existence and role in my life.
> 
> Over the past couple of years, though, there have been things that have come to light - things that, to MANY of us, degrade or humiliate fat people - in most instances, women, things that show a lack of respect toward fat women, attitudes that make us feel like little more than "eye candy" and "slabs of meat". Some of these things came to light because of changes in me personally - a shift in my perceptions and opinions, but not all. There have always been things here that have bordered on that, but the things I'm referring to have been more extreme, and most of you know what I'm talking about. Then you have the underage issue, which strikes a deep chord for many, no matter who wants to try to play it off as not such a big deal for...some....
> 
> Before anyone responds to me, keep in mind that I am not saying in any way that there is anything wrong with said fetishes. I'm not bashing any group in particular. I'm saying that I don't believe successful, peaceful co-existence between the groups here is possible.



The co-existence may go back to before my time here, but it seems as though if all the negative/extreme stuff has been here before and you've co-existed before, why can't you continue to do that? Everyone has the capacity to ignore stuff they don't like. Several posters here are rabidly anti-WLS, yet the WLS board continues to thrive for those who want it. Straight females and gay males probably mostly or wholly ignore the paysite board. At least in the past year-year and a half, I've seen a lot more "SA folks going to the WB and poking fun at it" than I have "Fetish people and rude FAs going to the Main Board and saying it's a turnon that somebody needs 2 airline seats or couldn't fit in a movie theater seat."


----------



## LillyBBBW

Size acceptane to me has been strictly a concept to end descrimination and negative assumtions about people of different sizes. It's not necessarily meant to encourage attraction or convince anyone to like what they don't like. Prefference one way or the other is fine, mistreatment of people not within your size ideal is not. That's what it is to me at least.

I came here years ago before these boards went up. I was already a confident fat girl so affirmation wasn't my interest. I went specifically to the Weight Board because interacting with others interested in wg fantasy was helpful to me. Up to that point the only interactions I'd ever had with people in to wg were unpleasant and frightening. For a long time I distanced myself from being placed even in the same category because of these encounters. The whole thing seemed so much more obsessive compulsive than anything resembling what I knew so the distance seemed only natural to me. Guys would ask me about it and I would say no because I was afraid he would try to push me. Being on the wb put a more human face to it so I appreciated being there and listening to what others had to say. It soon presented an apt contrast to those bad experiences but like now, trying to exist on the wb without conflict was problematic.

When I came along there were three boards: the Main Board, The Weight Board and the BHM board. The WB for some reason was the most popular. People who weren't in to WG were there ALL the time and would snap at any wg related posts. I tried posting on the other boards and it seemed nobody ever posted anything there. Not even anything new. But the WB was hopping with people, even after the Paysite board came along. The PSB was popular too but the WB maintained a steady flow of people and topics. It seemed puzzling that so many people were drawn to the wb even though they had no leanings there. Out of frustration some people would ask outright why so many wg haters hung out on the wb as opposed to the main board. It was basically because there were more interesting subjects going on in the wb. The wb was the happenin' place to be unless you were a paysite model. Then you got pushed out in to the PSB. 

But then the format changed and now here we are, one big happy family. :happy: I never viewed this place as a size acceptance board though I knew those concepts were accepted and discussed here.


----------



## JoyJoy

LoveBHMS said:


> The co-existence may go back to before my time here, but it seems as though if all the negative/extreme stuff has been here before and you've co-existed before, why can't you continue to do that? Everyone has the capacity to ignore stuff they don't like. Several posters here are rabidly anti-WLS, yet the WLS board continues to thrive for those who want it. Straight females and gay males probably mostly or wholly ignore the paysite board. At least in the past year-year and a half, I've seen a lot more "SA folks going to the WB and poking fun at it" than I have "Fetish people and rude FAs going to the Main Board and saying it's a turnon that somebody needs 2 airline seats or couldn't fit in a movie theater seat."


I was mostly able to co-exist with the less extreme things because I ignored them for the most part. I confess I even dipped a toe into the feeding thing a time or two in exploration of my feelings on it. As my post said, my perceptions changed, and the very extreme things came up, seeding my discontent, which was fueled by the fact that the powers that be accept/allow (if not even approve of) these extremes.


----------



## LoveBHMS

JoyJoy said:


> I was mostly able to co-exist with the less extreme things because I ignored them for the most part. I confess I even dipped a toe into the feeding thing a time or two in exploration of my feelings on it. As my post said, my perceptions changed, and the very extreme things came up, seeding my discontent, which was fueled by the fact that the powers that be accept/allow (if not even approve of) these extremes.



I think there is a big difference between allowing discussion of something and approving of it. I mean don't you see organizations like the ACLU going and defending hate speech or the rights of Nazis to march through Skokie? I'm sure they don't approve of the Aryan Nation but they do approve of their right to exist. 

When it comes to fantasy/sexuality issues, nobody gets to choose what arouses them. I'm sure if they could there are plenty of people who'd just as soon elminate their kinks if they bring about guilt, anxiety, ill health, or harm another person. If you read the WB, most fetishists will say the majority, if not all of their orgasm come from thoughts of "fat sexuality" based idea.

Going to an internet site and wanting to discuss it or even maybe be told you're not a freak or bad person for getting turned on by something should be a fairly easy thing to do. Most of the extreme posts I've seen on there typically have a disclaimer along the lines of "I'd never actually do this but...." or "I'm sorry if anyone is offended by this but....." By and large it's a LOT more geared towards fantasies than reporting something you're actually doing or planning on doing.

You say you dipped your toe in the water over there to explore your own sexuality, aren't you glad to have had an outlet to do that? A basically safe place to say "Ok, I want to see if this turns me on" or "A partner wants to do this--can i get some input or advice from others"? The way it exists now, it's not a safe place at all; there are too many people with zero stated interest in it who go there to make fun of it or to personally harass the other posters. Go look at the "Question about fedding" thread and read the pages of posts that just ridicule feeders and gainers.


----------



## Jon Blaze

LillyBBBW said:


> Size acceptane to me has been strictly a concept to end descrimination and negative assumtions about people of different sizes. It's not necessarily meant to encourage attraction or convince anyone to like what they don't like. Prefference one way or the other is fine, mistreatment of people not within your size ideal is not. That's what it is to me at least.
> 
> I came here years ago before these boards went up. I was already a confident fat girl so affirmation wasn't my interest. I went specifically to the Weight Board because interacting with others interested in wg fantasy was helpful to me. Up to that point the only interactions I'd ever had with people in to wg were unpleasant and frightening. For a long time I distanced myself from being placed even in the same category because of these encounters. The whole thing seemed so much more obsessive compulsive than anything resembling what I knew so the distance seemed only natural to me. Guys would ask me about it and I would say no because I was afraid he would try to push me. Being on the wb put a more human face to it so I appreciated being there and listening to what others had to say. It soon presented an apt contrast to those bad experiences but like now, trying to exist on the wb without conflict was problematic.
> 
> When I came along there were three boards: the Main Board, The Weight Board and the BHM board. The WB for some reason was the most popular. People who weren't in to WG were there ALL the time and would snap at any wg related posts. I tried posting on the other boards and it seemed nobody ever posted anything there. Not even anything new. But the WB was hopping with people, even after the Paysite board came along. The PSB was popular too but the WB maintained a steady flow of people and topics. It seemed puzzling that so many people were drawn to the wb even though they had no leanings there. Out of frustration some people would ask outright why so many wg haters hung out on the wb as opposed to the main board. It was basically because there were more interesting subjects going on in the wb. The wb was the happenin' place to be unless you were a paysite model. Then you got pushed out in to the PSB.
> 
> *But then the format changed and now here we are, one big happy family. :happy: I never viewed this place as a size acceptance board though I knew those concepts were accepted and discussed here*.




This. That to me is what sets Dims apart from many other boards that might have an inclination to the more sexual side of things. There are many that after participating I've noticed there is not always an openess to those issues that can be related to/beneficial. Opinions will vary of course, but I do get baffled at times when I'm on a board about loving fat women, and if I so much as mention activism I get flamed.


----------



## LoveBHMS

> Out of frustration some people would ask outright why so many wg haters hung out on the wb as opposed to the main board. It was basically because there were more interesting subjects going on in the wb. The wb was the happenin' place to be unless you were a paysite model. Then you got pushed out in to the PSB.



Have you noticed though that now whenever that question gets asked, the response is a gloating "I can post wherever I want" or "It's for me to decide where I post, not you, ever." There is a strong undertone, to me anyway, of people going there just to prove they can and that they have the unfettered right to harass everyone else just because they can.


----------



## LillyBBBW

LoveBHMS said:


> Have you noticed though that now whenever that question gets asked, the response is a gloating "I can post wherever I want" or "It's for me to decide where I post, not you, ever." There is a strong undertone, to me anyway, of people going there just to prove they can and that they have the unfettered right to harass everyone else just because they can.



Honestly I think it's more a personal issue with you. People tend to don their most wrinkled attire when you're around just for spite. Some people are always like that but most seem to act extra special only when you're involved. That's what I'm sensing anyway.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Jon Blaze said:


> This. That to me is what sets Dims apart from many other boards that might have an inclination to the more sexual side of things. There are many that after participating I've noticed there is not always an openess to those issues that can be related to/beneficial. Opinions will vary of course, but I do get baffled at times when I'm on a board about loving fat women, *and if I so much as mention activism I get flamed*.



SO TRUE!!! On other sites it seems people are well and happy to objectify us but still see it as an imposition for us to recieve basic human rights. For them descrimination seems perfectly reasonable under the circumstances which is what cased me to leave in such a huff.  Here I get to be objectified AND I get a wider seat while it's happening. It's two.. two... TWO mints in one! Refereshing.


----------



## Wagimawr

Jon Blaze said:


> Opinions will vary of course, but I do get baffled at times when I'm on a board about loving fat women, and if I so much as mention activism I get flamed.


If it's the board I'm thinking of, there's PLENTY of activism going on.

"She's way too fat and needs to lose weight but this 200+lb hottie with the giant tits is awesome!" is still activism, right?


----------



## Jon Blaze

Wagimawr said:


> If it's the board I'm thinking of, there's PLENTY of activism going on.
> 
> "She's way too fat and needs to lose weight but this 200+lb hottie with the giant tits is awesome!" is still activism, right?



Lol well that's one of the places.

I mean, I'm actually happy that some people are at least kind (Enough) if they feel the need to comment on someone they may not find very attractive, but sometimes I'm just like "Why the fuck would you say these things about a group that has someone you could be attracted to in it?" Again: Baffling.


----------



## chicken legs

As long as I get to flame flamers I'm cool


----------



## exile in thighville

LillyBBBW said:


> Honestly I think it's more a personal issue with you. People tend to don their most wrinkled attire when you're around just for spite. Some people are always like that but most seem to act extra special only when you're involved. That's what I'm sensing anyway.



while this is true, there are also those who do it to do it


----------



## exile in thighville

anyway, fat activism is a myth by now


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## superodalisque

exile in thighville said:


> anyway, fat activism is a myth by now



it might be unfair of me but i'm beginning to feel pretty much the same. there is not much active in the activism besides complaining.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

chicken legs said:


> As long as I get to flame flamers I'm cool


Eating them is much more satisfying, plus they're already cooked to perfection


----------



## katherine22

LoveBHMS said:


> Your response doesn't even relate to what I said.
> 
> If certain people here want to believe that Conrad doesn't care about fat people, or cares less about fat people than FAs or they're going to throw fits and stomp their feet and insist Conrad tell them "This board is primarily for Size Acceptance" then let them. This isn't at all about "my ideas" at all. The OP clearly states the purpose of Dimensions and if people insist on iterpreting it to fit their own emotional need to be perennial victims and to feel forever slighted, angry, and maligned, I say let them.




I stated nothing angrily - I merely suggested that the targets of fat admiration may have ideas of their own, may have more dimension worth knowing and understanding. Inherent in a conversation is the possiblity that someone could disagree with what is being said and you of course sought self-righteous indignation as your line of defense .


----------



## LoveBHMS

katherine22 said:


> I stated nothing angrily - I merely suggested that the targets of fat admiration may have ideas of their own, may have more dimension worth knowing and understanding. Inherent in a conversation is the possiblity that someone could disagree with what is being said and you of course sought self-righteous indignation as your line of defense .



Nobody is afraid of conversation. You're missing the point altogether about what this thread is about. Several posters feel as if this is only a fetish site or that those who want to post "extreme" sexual issues have too much leeway to do that. If somebody posts about a sexual fantasy or wants to discuss extreme issues regarding feederism, there is no "disagreement". If somebody says "this turns me on" there is nothing to disagree with. If your point is you need to be able to tell somebody how disturbing and awful and freaky they are, well, no you don't need that right. You can talk about it in private but not express your disgust for them or misinterpret a sexual fantasy as misogyny. If talking about sexuality and sexual fantasies on the WB disgusts or upsets you, then don't go there because that is the discussion taking place. Nobody wants or needs to invite discourse on whether or not their kinks are acceptable.


----------



## superodalisque

LoveBHMS said:


> Nobody is afraid of conversation. You're missing the point altogether about what this thread is about. Several posters feel as if this is only a fetish site or that those who want to post "extreme" sexual issues have too much leeway to do that. If somebody posts about a sexual fantasy or wants to discuss extreme issues regarding feederism, there is no "disagreement". If somebody says "this turns me on" there is nothing to disagree with. If your point is you need to be able to tell somebody how disturbing and awful and freaky they are, well, no you don't need that right. You can talk about it in private but not express your disgust for them or misinterpret a sexual fantasy as misogyny. If talking about sexuality and sexual fantasies on the WB disgusts or upsets you, then don't go there because that is the discussion taking place. Nobody wants or needs to invite discourse on whether or not their kinks are acceptable.



i'm not sure that a lot of people here have a problem with fetishes at all. i think that fact has been entirely ignored because maybe its easier to characterize it that way than it might be to actually listen. but what i do think they have a problem with is being treated as less than a full human being who has the right to question things centered on and around them. 

people without kinks here discuss them because people with kinks ask them to join in thier role play and to take on at least some of thier mindset. if that wasn't happening no one would have a reason to have to try and assess whether a fetish was acceptable for them or someone else or not. i know there are people here who are always trying to convince me of why i should accept thier fantasies as my own telling me how i would like it as though i don't already know my own mind. it doesn't really bother me. but it does seem odd how people are supposed to be ok about that but its not okay for the same people they approach to ask questions about the very same things that people are asking them to engage in. whew! what a run on sentence!

if people weren't being approached in that way then maybe you'd have an argument. but since they are being approached i think BBWs/BHMs have every right to ask any question that has to do with well being as it relates to a fetish. this is a forum as far as i know. its a place for answers questions discussions and opinions--not a place for silences just because you might not care where something is going. it also might not be helpful if a group is sensitive about criticism its gotten to actually start threads inviting critique and discussion of acceptability. maybe it would make more sense to discuss positive issues around the subject that they are truly interested in instead of inviting critique by ranting about opinions that other people may or may not have. i think the thing that has really bothered people is the dismissiveness. that would upset anyone but maybe it seems especially unfair to people who there are claims of admiration of. why should fat people accept the same cries from people who say they are important and beautiful that they get from a prejudiced society. why should we just shut up and go and sit in the corner just because we are the fat ones and we have something to say about us and our weight. any way you slice it this conversation is all about us and we should be in it. fat people aren't FAs private pygmalions they are real people with a will and a mind of thier own.


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## katorade

LoveBHMS said:


> Nobody is afraid of conversation.



Yes, yes they are.


----------



## superodalisque

LillyBBBW said:


> Honestly I think it's more a personal issue with you. People tend to don their most wrinkled attire when you're around just for spite. Some people are always like that but most seem to act extra special only when you're involved. That's what I'm sensing anyway.



i'm glad you said it. i mentioned that i noticed that in another thread but i think the observation would be taken much more seriously coming from you.


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## LoveBHMS

katorade said:


> Yes, yes they are.



No they're not. When the conversation is along the lines of "Let me tell you why you're disturbing" it's not a conversation. If somebody had to rationalize actions that is one thing. But being asked to rationalize feelings is another. Here's the thing--people can control actions but not feelings. If something turns you on than it just does. You can't help it. Nobody developes these feelings for a reason, they just have them. If somebody said something like "My wife is an SSBBW and I purposely adjusted the seat on the passenger side of the car so she'd have trouble getting out" that would be a crappy thing to do and might invite discussion as to why it was wrong. If somebody says in general "It turns me on to see a SS (man or woman) struggling to get out of a car, that's just their kink. They can't help it, may not like it, may feel guilty about it. 

You're not being silenced for not being able to criticize somebody's turnons. Even if such a conversation were allowed, do you think you'd be able to talk somebody out of being aroused by something? Or convince them of just how big of a freak they are? What if somebody was a homophobe or thought being gay was a choice? Should they be able to post in the gay board about the ex-gay movement or put up links to books or therapists who claim they can cure homosexuals? Oh, but it's just conversation right?


----------



## mergirl

Why do discussions about fetish always have to end up with analogies about queer people?
Being queer is not a fetish, its a sexuality.


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## LoveBHMS

Sexuality is sexuality. The point is it's not something that should be held up for questioning nor should anyone be expected to answer dozens of questions about it nor explane why you feel that way. Either way, it's just part of what you are, it shouldnt' be up for discussion.


----------



## mergirl

LoveBHMS said:


> Sexuality is sexuality. The point is it's not something that should be held up for questioning nor should anyone be expected to answer dozens of questions about it nor explane why you feel that way. Either way, it's just part of what you are, it shouldnt' be up for discussion.


You don't have to answer dozens of questions about it. Why engage? If people don't like it then surely it is thier problem? If you are secure in your sexuality/fetish then people who dislike what you do should not worry you. I am well aware there are homophobes, in the world and on dimensions too. I never feel the need to defend my sexuality because i know there is nothing wrong with it. Unfortunatly, i have to defend the right for gay people to be married, left unbeaten, have the same civil rights as hetrosexuals. Feeders are aforded the same civil rights as non feeders..what is there to fight for? If you are secure in your sexuality it shouldn't bother you when people don't agree with your lifestyle.


----------



## LoveBHMS

mergirl said:


> You don't have to answer dozens of questions about it. Why engage? If people don't like it then surely it is thier problem? If you are secure in your sexuality/fetish then people who dislike what you do should not worry you. I am well aware there are homophobes, in the world and on dimensions too. I never feel the need to defend my sexuality because i know there is nothing wrong with it. Unfortunatly, i have to defend the right for gay people to be married, left unbeaten, have the same civil rights as hetrosexuals. Feeders are aforded the same civil rights as non feeders..what is there to fight for? If you are secure in your sexuality it shouldn't bother you when people don't agree with your lifestyle.



This is the same line used by the crowd around here who wants unfettered access to the weight board so they can make fun of everyone. "You just sholdn't let it bother you".....how about "they just shouldn't do it." It's not a lifestyle, it's sexuality.


----------



## LillyBBBW

LoveBHMS said:


> This is the same line used by the crowd around here who wants unfettered access to the weight board so they can make fun of everyone. "You just sholdn't let it bother you".....how about "they just shouldn't do it." It's not a lifestyle, it's sexuality.



In principle I agree with you but in all fairness I haven't seen a lot of what you're talking about going on. I can post any rediculous thing I want on the protected forum. Aside from two people, no one else seems to bother going in there to hang around and chime in with unwanted testimony. It's when people post anywhere outside of that forum that people pile on with their dim views of the whole thing. It seems perfectly within their right to do so though. I understand someone making the mistake of posting a feeder related post in the wrong forum and drawing ire but I think scolding people for doing things within the confines of the rules is a bit rash. One could simply request the OP be moved to the proper forum which so far has solved the problem quite nicely.


----------



## Jes

mcbeth said:


> Perhaps this is different for people who have a significant other admiring them in real life? I know for me, and for some of the other single ladies I've talked to, it can be nice to receive compliments and affirmation from time to time, even in e-form, when it's not happening in person.
> .



This was my philosophy for a bit, 'til I realized none of it was actionable. By which I mean: talk is cheap. I was getting attention from guys who were already married (to a thin or a fat wife) or who were never going to leave their Mom's basements to come out and meet me. Cf. the fat wanker v. fat fucker v. fat dater theory someone else espoused. It was all talk, while my vagina stayed empty Saturday night after Saturday night. What a time waster! What an exercise in manipulation!

All that glisters* is not gold.



*correct quote from Merchant of Venice, not 'glistens' which the word has been made into!

YMMV of course.


----------



## butch

Lilly's remembrances of the old Dims is what I remember when I first began to lurk. I miss those old days of the WB and the BHM boards.


----------



## jenboo

LoveBHMS said:


> No they're not. When the conversation is along the lines of "Let me tell you why you're disturbing" it's not a conversation. If somebody had to rationalize actions that is one thing. But being asked to rationalize feelings is another. Here's the thing--people can control actions but not feelings. If something turns you on than it just does. You can't help it. Nobody developes these feelings for a reason, they just have them. If somebody said something like "My wife is an SSBBW and I purposely adjusted the seat on the passenger side of the car so she'd have trouble getting out" that would be a crappy thing to do and might invite discussion as to why it was wrong. If somebody says in general "It turns me on to see a SS (man or woman) struggling to get out of a car, that's just their kink. They can't help it, may not like it, may feel guilty about it.
> 
> You're not being silenced for not being able to criticize somebody's turnons. Even if such a conversation were allowed, do you think you'd be able to talk somebody out of being aroused by something? Or convince them of just how big of a freak they are? What if somebody was a homophobe or thought being gay was a choice? Should they be able to post in the gay board about the ex-gay movement or put u*p links to books or therapists who claim they can cure homosexuals?* Oh, but it's just conversation right?



Has there been links to books and therapists regarding how to cure a fat fetish?


----------



## LovelyLiz

Jes said:


> This was my philosophy for a bit, 'til I realized none of it was actionable. By which I mean: talk is cheap. I was getting attention from guys who were already married (to a thin or a fat wife) or who were never going to leave their Mom's basements to come out and meet me. Cf. the fat wanker v. fat fucker v. fat dater theory someone else espoused. It was all talk, while my vagina stayed empty Saturday night after Saturday night. What a time waster! What an exercise in manipulation!
> 
> All that glisters* is not gold.



Yeah, good point. I still do think it is nice to receive compliments, and it can feel nice to be told someone thinks you are beautiful/sexy/etc - but also agree that it feels much nicer when it is potentially "actionable" (meaning, they can back it up irl). The "un-actionable" compliments are not meaningless, imo, but I think if I was one of the folks on here who got a lot of them, it probably _would_ lose its luster after a while.


----------



## jenboo

mergirl said:


> Why do discussions about fetish always have to end up with analogies about queer people?
> Being queer is not a fetish, its a sexuality.



I think that is what the folks are stating about being fa's. That it is not just a fetish but rather a sexuality. Its how they were made to be attracted to fat and not a choice that they made. If I am wrong I apologize for trying to understand the mind/motivations of a group that I am not a part of.


----------



## LoveBHMS

jenboo said:


> I think that is what the folks are stating about being fa's. That it is not just a fetish but rather a sexuality. Its how they were made to be attracted to fat and not a choice that they made. If I am wrong I apologize for trying to understand the mind/motivations of a group that I am not a part of.



Yes that is exactly what I was getting at, both as far as FA but moreso as far as feederism. I was comparing the idea of "that is how you are" the same way most gays know early on they are gay as do most transgendered. Nobody would make fun of them with the understanding those drives are part of their psyche.



> In principle I agree with you but in all fairness I haven't seen a lot of what you're talking about going on. I can post any rediculous thing I want on the protected forum. Aside from two people, no one else seems to bother going in there to hang around and chime in with unwanted testimony. It's when people post anywhere outside of that forum that people pile on with their dim views of the whole thing. It seems perfectly within their right to do so though. I understand someone making the mistake of posting a feeder related post in the wrong forum and drawing ire but I think scolding people for doing things within the confines of the rules is a bit rash. One could simply request the OP be moved to the proper forum which so far has solved the problem quite nicely.



But compare this with anti-WLS posts on the WLS board which are left up, as well as other posts that may be within the rules but are still rude, intrusive, or just not appropriate.


----------



## Jes

bigsexy920 said:


> the comments like I really love a huge ass and thighs,.



Sometimes I just want to say:

who gives a shit? Who gives a shit what you like? Other than you, I mean? 

What a boorish sense of entitlement. No one gives a shit what color your parachute is!


----------



## superodalisque

i still don't understand what being an FA or a feeder has to do with keeping people from discussing thier own bodies and impressions of what other people want to do with them or how they are viewed and what that means to the people that actually possess that body.


----------



## Sandie S-R

mergirl said:


> Why do discussions about fetish always have to end up with analogies about queer people?
> Being queer is not a fetish, its a sexuality.



There are those here who believe that being attracted to fat people is as much a hard wired "sexuality" as being queer. My husband has always preferred a fat partner. Thin just doesn't work for him. To him it is not a fetish but his sexuality. To him there is no choice involved, it's who he is.


----------



## Jes

mcbeth said:


> The "un-actionable" compliments are not meaningless, imo, but I think if I was one of the folks on here who got a lot of them, it probably _would_ lose its luster after a while.



Yes...i think it's a function of time. It's exciting and new in the beginning. The honeymoon phase. And then it fades. And then you're like: what the fuck?


----------



## chicken legs

Dims is not a shrink.


----------



## superodalisque

Jes said:


> This was my philosophy for a bit, 'til I realized none of it was actionable. By which I mean: talk is cheap. I was getting attention from guys who were already married (to a thin or a fat wife) or who were never going to leave their Mom's basements to come out and meet me. Cf. the fat wanker v. fat fucker v. fat dater theory someone else espoused. It was all talk, while my vagina stayed empty Saturday night after Saturday night. What a time waster! What an exercise in manipulation!
> 
> All that glisters* is not gold.
> 
> *correct quote from Merchant of Venice, not 'glistens' which the word has been made into!
> 
> YMMV of course.





i have to agree with this so much! the people who really want to date a fat men/woman are out there dating real fat men/women in thier city everyday. they aren't in here just talking about it. so it would be a lot less distressing for fat folk who are looking to spend a lot of the time they spend on dims outside giving people who are really ready for them the chance to meet them. talk and promises don't mean anything its only the actions that mean something.


----------



## cinnamitch

chicken legs said:


> Dims is not a shrink.



Kind of dismissive there aren't you?


----------



## chicken legs

cinnamitch said:


> Kind of dismissive there aren't you?



More of the submissive type


----------



## JoyJoy

LoveBHMS said:


> This is the same line used by the crowd around here who wants unfettered access to the weight board so they can make fun of everyone. "You just sholdn't let it bother you".....how about "they just shouldn't do it." It's not a lifestyle, it's sexuality.





LoveBHMS said:


> No they're not. When the conversation is along the lines of "Let me tell you why you're disturbing" it's not a conversation. If somebody had to rationalize actions that is one thing. But being asked to rationalize feelings is another. Here's the thing--people can control actions but not feelings. If something turns you on than it just does. You can't help it. Nobody developes these feelings for a reason, they just have them. If somebody said something like "My wife is an SSBBW and I purposely adjusted the seat on the passenger side of the car so she'd have trouble getting out" that would be a crappy thing to do and might invite discussion as to why it was wrong. If somebody says in general "It turns me on to see a SS (man or woman) struggling to get out of a car, that's just their kink. They can't help it, may not like it, may feel guilty about it.
> 
> You're not being silenced for not being able to criticize somebody's turnons. Even if such a conversation were allowed, do you think you'd be able to talk somebody out of being aroused by something? Or convince them of just how big of a freak they are? What if somebody was a homophobe or thought being gay was a choice? Should they be able to post in the gay board about the ex-gay movement or put up links to books or therapists who claim they can cure homosexuals? Oh, but it's just conversation right?





LoveBHMS said:


> Sexuality is sexuality. The point is it's not something that should be held up for questioning nor should anyone be expected to answer dozens of questions about it nor explane why you feel that way. Either way, it's just part of what you are, it shouldnt' be up for discussion.



Just as you are tired of questions, people are tired of your line of logic. If it were to actually apply, the pedophiles should be left alone to do their thing, serial rapists excused, etc. When one's sexuality involves potentially damaging the psyche or physical being of another, it absolutely should be questioned, no matter what fetish or desire is involved. 

While feeding may not be our thing, most of us are adult enough to accept that others enjoy it. I don't believe any of the more vocal outcries have been condemning those who participate in consenting sexual behavior (fetishistic or not) between adults. The problem most of us have is when one person uses their sexuality to take advantage of or damage (physically, mentally or emotionally) another who is either unwilling or naive/lacking knowledge/immature, in order to get their jollies. We cringe when one person seeks to get their pleasure in ways that degrade the focus of their desire, especially when we personally fall into that focus group. The whole "this is my sexuality, I can't help it!" is simply an excuse thrown out to allow people to be irresponsible (at best) toward others. This is speaking in generalities, because on the whole, it's far more reaching than that, but this is the bare bones of it. 

Sexuality is part of who a person is, but along with that should be the ability and desire to express it and act on it responsibly and without harm to others. Beyond that, I don't care if it's guarded by the Secret Service itself, it should be called out, especially when it's in a space shared by both sides. This is why the outcry has been louder this time (from where I sit) - because a "protected" forum here on a site we felt comfortable on is protecting things that are like slaps in the face to women who struggle on a daily basis to maintain pride and dignity, and we are the ones made out to be the villains. We're told to leave it alone so that others can be comfortable and express themselves, as if it doesn't matter that we know we're in the presence of those who enjoy degrading us, because after all, it's only natural for them to feel that way, so that makes it okay and we should just get over it. Defending this type of thing because "they can't help it" or "it's their right to feel comfortable here" to me, is complete and utter bullshit.


----------



## LoveBHMS

> Defending this type of thing because "they can't help it" or "it's their right to feel comfortable here" to me, is complete and utter bullshit.



Well they can't help it. Read any post from a single female feedee/gainer such as Heather BBW, Ashley, Ivy, or AlethaBBW and they will say they've been this way as long as they can remember. They're all females, should they have a place here?

Sexuality doesn't damage anyone's psyche, actions damage the psyche. Bad actions are wrong, thoughts are not.

But you make your point. The mere fact of there being a place here, and worse, having it protected so participants can't be attacked and ridiculed is enought to piss you off. You don't want discussion here because the discussion might be about something that if acted upon in real life might hurt somebody. You want this place to be taylor made for you and what you need it for. Unfortunately, nobody can make those decisions except the webmaster and mods, so you'll have to take it up with them. Luckily for you, most of us are choosing to quit posting on the WB or to share anything of substance since you and your friends have made it clear you're not going to rest until that space is either gone or just made into enough of a troll playground that nobody bothers anymore. The constant trolling and attacks have made it largely pointless by now anyway. For what it's worth this place is a lot closer to your nirvana than you think.

The worst of it is, i'm not sure most people even want the WB gone, they just want it there and unprotected so they can go and harass people and ridicule them.


----------



## cinnamitch

JoyJoy said:


> Just as you are tired of questions, people are tired of your line of logic. If it were to actually apply, the pedophiles should be left alone to do their thing, serial rapists excused, etc. When one's sexuality involves potentially damaging the psyche or physical being of another, it absolutely should be questioned, no matter what fetish or desire is involved.
> 
> While feeding may not be our thing, most of us are adult enough to accept that others enjoy it. I don't believe any of the more vocal outcries have been condemning those who participate in consenting sexual behavior (fetishistic or not) between adults. The problem most of us have is when one person uses their sexuality to take advantage of or damage (physically, mentally or emotionally) another who is either unwilling or naive/lacking knowledge/immature, in order to get their jollies. We cringe when one person seeks to get their pleasure in ways that degrade the focus of their desire, especially when we personally fall into that focus group. The whole "this is my sexuality, I can't help it!" is simply an excuse thrown out to allow people to be irresponsible (at best) toward others. This is speaking in generalities, because on the whole, it's far more reaching than that, but this is the bare bones of it.
> 
> Sexuality is part of who a person is, but along with that should be the ability and desire to express it and act on it responsibly and without harm to others. Beyond that, I don't care if it's guarded by the Secret Service itself, it should be called out, especially when it's in a space shared by both sides. This is why the outcry has been louder this time (from where I sit) - because a "protected" forum here on a site we felt comfortable on is protecting things that are like slaps in the face to women who struggle on a daily basis to maintain pride and dignity, and we are the ones made out to be the villains. We're told to leave it alone so that others can be comfortable and express themselves, as if it doesn't matter that we know we're in the presence of those who enjoy degrading us, because after all, it's only natural for them to feel that way, so that makes it okay and we should just get over it. Defending this type of thing because "they can't help it" or "it's their right to feel comfortable here" to me, is complete and utter bullshit.



Would you marry me?:smitten: Such a smart and well thought out reply from you yet again


----------



## JoyJoy

LoveBHMS said:


> Well they can't help it. Read any post from a single female feedee/gainer such as Heather BBW, Ashley, Ivy, or AlethaBBW and they will say they've been this way as long as they can remember. They're all females, should they have a place here?
> 
> Sexuality doesn't damage anyone's psyche, actions damage the psyche. Bad actions are wrong, thoughts are not.
> 
> But you make your point. The mere fact of there being a place here, and worse, having it protected so participants can't be attacked and ridiculed is enought to piss you off. You don't want discussion here because the discussion might be about something that if acted upon in real life might hurt somebody. You want this place to be taylor made for you and what you need it for. Unfortunately, nobody can make those decisions except the webmaster and mods, so you'll have to take it up with them. Luckily for you, most of us are choosing to quit posting on the WB or to share anything of substance since you and your friends have made it clear you're not going to rest until that space is either gone or just made into enough of a troll playground that nobody bothers anymore. The constant trolling and attacks have made it largely pointless by now anyway. For what it's worth this place is a lot closer to your nirvana than you think.



You really don't read for comprehension, do you? 

Two words: responsibility and tailor (As in, You tailor other people's words and thoughts to fuel your own agenda.)

Oh and the part about thoughts not being damaging? More bullshit.


----------



## mossystate

JoyJoy said:


> While feeding may not be our thing, most of us are adult enough to accept that others enjoy it. I don't believe any of the more vocal outcries have been condemning those who participate in consenting sexual behavior (fetishistic or not) between adults. The problem most of us have is when one person uses their sexuality to take advantage of or damage (physically, mentally or emotionally) another who is either unwilling or naive/lacking knowledge/immature, in order to get their jollies. We cringe when one person seeks to get their pleasure in ways that degrade the focus of their desire, especially when we personally fall into that focus group. The whole "this is my sexuality, I can't help it!" is simply an excuse thrown out to allow people to be irresponsible (at best) toward others. This is speaking in generalities, because on the whole, it's far more reaching than that, but this is the bare bones of it.
> 
> Sexuality is part of who a person is, but along with that should be the ability and desire to express it and act on it responsibly and without harm to others. Beyond that, I don't care if it's guarded by the Secret Service itself, it should be called out, especially when it's in a space shared by both sides. This is why the outcry has been louder this time (from where I sit) - because a "protected" forum here on a site we felt comfortable on is protecting things that are like slaps in the face to women who struggle on a daily basis to maintain pride and dignity, and we are the ones made out to be the villains. We're told to leave it alone so that others can be comfortable and express themselves, as if it doesn't matter that we know we're in the presence of those who enjoy degrading us, because after all, it's only natural for them to feel that way, so that makes it okay and we should just get over it. Defending this type of thing because "they can't help it" or "it's their right to feel comfortable here" to me, is complete and utter bullshit.



Exactly...this. It is not about personalitites clashing...it is not about the phantom people who want to bury, in and of itself, any fetish. For some to simply repeat a mantra of, " don't like it, tough shit ", is not only damaging to a ' community ', but, MUCH more importantly, damaging to people who can already have a hell of a tough time in the real world. I don't think Dims should be anybody's shrink......good lord.....but it should, imo, take better care of the very people who make up at least half of the population. No, not talking about forums...but exactly what Joy so beautifully put up above. Complete and utter bullshit, indeed.


----------



## Jes

superodalisque said:


> so it would be a lot less distressing for fat folk who are looking to spend a lot of the time they spend on dims outside giving people who are really ready for them the chance to meet them. talk and promises don't mean anything its only the actions that mean something.



it brought a tear to my eye, it did!


----------



## LoveBHMS

JoyJoy said:


> You really don't read for comprehension, do you?
> 
> Two words: responsibility and tailor (As in, You tailor other people's words and thoughts to fuel your own agenda.)



I can read fine, thanks.

Look, the content of Dims is not up to either of us. Maybe you think it should be but I don't. The webmaster and mods will decide what's here and any of use can take it or leave it. I can't speak for anyone else but I've mostly decided to quit posting on the WB on any non-protected forum because the trolls can't help themselves. Ironically, most of us think Dims has been hijacked by the crowd who insist they have the right to comment on things that dont' concern them.

I also seem to remember some FAs who thought the private SS forum was a slap in the face to them. And that forum is private. Now you're pissed off about the Weight Gainf forum being protected? Really? You're mad because you can't go onto a protected forum and offer an opinion about something that isn't about you? And it's not about you, it's about feederism, not fat people. And for that matter, plenty of fat people _like_ feederism.


----------



## superodalisque

Joy stop making so much sense. i'm totally out of reps for you.


----------



## LovelyLiz

superodalisque said:


> i have to agree with this so much! the people who really want to date a fat men/woman are out there dating real fat men/women in thier city everyday. they aren't in here just talking about it. so it would be a lot less distressing for fat folk who are looking to spend a lot of the time they spend on dims outside giving people who are really ready for them the chance to meet them. talk and promises don't mean anything its only the actions that mean something.



You and Jes are making great points. The only nuance I would add, is that for *some* women who initially lack the confidence to go pursue and be pursued by men out in the real world of flesh and blood, the "honeymoon phase" at Dims of being told you are attractive, or even seeing men who are married to/in love with/attracted to other women who look similar to you can add a little boost of confidence to be open to finding something in real life that's truly fulfilling. But yes, in the end, e-compliments ring hollow, and only actual, in-person relationships truly bring satisfaction.


----------



## JoyJoy

LoveBHMS said:


> I can read fine, thanks.
> 
> Look, the content of Dims is not up to either of us. Maybe you think it should be but I don't. The webmaster and mods will decide what's here and any of use can take it or leave it. I can't speak for anyone else but I've mostly decided to quit posting on the WB on any non-protected forum because the trolls can't help themselves. Ironically, most of us think Dims has been hijacked by the crowd who insist they have the right to comment on things that dont' concern them.
> 
> I also seem to remember some FAs who thought the private SS forum was a slap in the face to them. And that forum is private. Now you're pissed off about the Weight Gainf forum being protected? Really? You're mad because you can't go onto a protected forum and offer an opinion about something that isn't about you? And it's not about you, it's about feederism, not fat people.



No, I'm not pissed about the protected forum. Read my posts again, and this time try to reach for what I'm really saying instead of what you want me to be saying. Here's one hint: this isn't about feederism.


----------



## superodalisque

LoveBHMS said:


> Well they can't help it. Read any post from a single female feedee/gainer such as Heather BBW, Ashley, Ivy, or AlethaBBW and they will say they've been this way as long as they can remember. They're all females, should they have a place here?
> 
> .



this comparison doesn't set well with me. comparing self aware women who happen to be feedees and gainers to some crazy feeder tool somewhere is disrespectful. i don't think they have anything in common with the kinds of people Joy was talking about and they aren't at all under the same umberella at all.


----------



## exile in thighville

superodalisque said:


> it might be unfair of me but i'm beginning to feel pretty much the same. there is not much active in the activism besides complaining.



the best is that the rebuttal for this involves a snide WELL WHAT YOU DONE FOR FAT ACTIVISM misdirection rather than a long deep soul-search and occasional faceslap in the mirror

as if these people don't have wills to write or anything


----------



## exile in thighville

and yeah loves, a troll is a troll. sex offenders can't help it, etc. where this thread is Wrong is that anyone gives a shit and actually gets offended by these comments humorlessly when they should know how the internet works by now


----------



## JoyJoy

superodalisque said:


> this comparison doesn't set well with me. comparing self aware women who happen to be feeders and gainers to some crazy feeder tool somewhere is disrespectful. i don't think they have anything in common with the kinds of people Joy was talking about and they aren't at all under the same umberella at all.


I agree, and I think it's kind of low-class to pull their names out in this "discussion" to make your point, especially when I clearly stated I was not referring to (wait, let me quote myself since you didn't read it) "those who participate in consenting sexual behavior (fetishistic or not) between adults".


----------



## superodalisque

mcbeth said:


> You and Jes are making great points. The only nuance I would add, is that for *some* women who initially lack the confidence to go pursue and be pursued by men out in the real world of flesh and blood, the "honeymoon phase" at Dims of being told you are attractive, or even seeing men who are married to/in love with/attracted to other women who look similar to you can add a little boost of confidence to be open to finding something in real life that's truly fulfilling. But yes, in the end, e-compliments ring hollow, and only actual, in-person relationships truly bring satisfaction.



thats cool. but i have a different experience than that. i saw that growing up all around me. i understand that its not the same for everybody. the only reason i'm making sure i say this often and loud is because i know a lot of people who got stuck in thier development because they became so dependent on dims that they were still afraid and lacked confidence to go into the outside world where everyone might not be an obvious FA. so sometimes people have to be reminded where the real juice is. i'm not saying at all that dims does not have its value. but i think people have to be really careful that it doesn't retard them socially.


----------



## Jes

superodalisque said:


> thats cool. but i have a different experience than that. i saw that growing up all around me. i understand that its not the same for everybody. the only reason i'm making sure i say this often and loud is because i know a lot of people who got stuck in thier development because they became so dependent on dims that they were still afraid and lacked confidence to go into the outside world where everyone might not be an obvious FA. so sometimes people have to be reminded where the real juice is. i'm not saying at all that dims does not have its value. but i think people have to be really careful that it doesn't retard them socially.



yes. and, for my part, when i stood where you stand, bethany, i said what you've said. And now...

but again, it's all one person's experience, right? Though, god knows, I've heard my words echoed in many, many other places and people here. But i think Joy's comment, up thread, about how SHE has changed, along with Dims changing over time, is really key to the discussion.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Lets also not forget that some of that "hubba hubba you are so hot and big" can turn into "death do us part" for some of us.

Most of the people online are here because they need something...validation, a soapbox, a community, expression, porn etc. 

But sometimes finding someone on common ground is a good thing even if not apparent when the online meeting first happens and you blow the guy off because he is 'just another online fa'. If the guy is a good guy, he won't make hallow promises and tell lies.


----------



## superodalisque

exile in thighville said:


> the best is that the rebuttal for this involves a snide WELL WHAT YOU DONE FOR FAT ACTIVISM misdirection rather than a long deep soul-search and occasional faceslap in the mirror
> 
> as if these people don't have wills to write or anything



hehe true.

i'll answer this one for myself just in case:


i mentor fat girls that i keep miles away from dims 

i've run body love body self awareness seminars for adult women

i encourage other artists to explore the fat body as the visions of beauty that they are.

i live my life fat and well


----------



## LovelyLiz

superodalisque said:


> thats cool. but i have a different experience than that. i saw that growing up all around me. i understand that its not the same for everybody. the only reason i'm making sure i say this often and loud is because i know a lot of people who got stuck in thier development because they became so dependent on dims that they were still afraid and lacked confidence to go into the outside world where everyone might not be an obvious FA. so sometimes people have to be reminded where the real juice is. i'm not saying at all that dims does not have its value. but i think people have to be really careful that it doesn't retard them socially.





Jes said:


> yes. and, for my part, when i stood where you stand, bethany, i said what you've said. And now...
> 
> but again, it's all one person's experience, right? Though, god knows, I've heard my words echoed in many, many other places and people here. But i think Joy's comment, up thread, about how SHE has changed, along with Dims changing over time, is really key to the discussion.



For the record, I'm not speaking for myself when I talk about women with low self-esteem who get a boost from e-compliments. I barely post pics on here, and don't post any really sexy pics when I do. And I started the dating thread (where people talk about real life dates they go on) to try to have a focus, for myself and others who want it, on real life stuff and not fantasy relationships. I'm all about reality.

But I have talked to other women who have been strengthened by some of the positive feedback they have recieved here. Tho, perhaps you both are right that it's the exception rather than the rule. I've definitely seen plenty of "compliments" that are anything but.

And, I admire your wisdom to keep reminding people (particularly women) to find real live people to love them, and that they are worth that and able to have actual, satisfying love.

I don't think I've been around here long enough to have seen the harmful side you both seem to have a much stronger awareness of. But I can absolutely see the potential for it.


----------



## exile in thighville

superodalisque said:


> i mentor fat girls that i keep miles away from dims



this really is the key


----------



## superodalisque

BeautifulPoeticDisaster said:


> Lets also not forget that some of that "hubba hubba you are so hot and big" can turn into "death do us part" for some of us.
> 
> Most of the people online are here because they need something...validation, a soapbox, a community, expression, porn etc.
> 
> But sometimes finding someone on common ground is a good thing even if not apparent when the online meeting first happens and you blow the guy off because he is 'just another online fa'. If the guy is a good guy, he won't make hallow promises and tell lies.



its true people do get married here. but realistically speaking they might have gotten married anyway because they were emotionally ready to be married. there are a huge number of people here who post and an even larger number who don't. most marry on the outside. i don't know what that means for people but i thought i'd throw it out there.

i agree with the good guy is a good guy thing but the way dims can be sometimes could camoflauge him really well.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

superodalisque said:


> its true people do get married here. but realistically speaking they might have gotten married anyway because they were emotionally ready to be married. there are a huge number of people here who post and an even larger number who don't. most marry on the outside. i don't know what that means for people but i thought i'd throw it out there.
> 
> i agree with the good guy is a good guy thing but the way dims can be sometimes could camoflauge him really well.



I hadn't dated much at all in my 27 years. In fact I can count dates, not boyfriends...on one hand. Never had a boyfriend....can't get much less ready than that.

I'm not discounting what everyone is saying, I'm just saying that most guys have their "hubba hubba" moments, but that doesn't make them bad guys.


----------



## Mini

As someone who does most of his thinking, say 90 percent, with his dick, I at least make the effort to use my brain for the initial contact. World of difference between "I will fuck you until your soul needs a cigarette" vs. "Welcome to Dims! Here's a cupcake."


----------



## TraciJo67

Mini said:


> As someone who does most of his thinking, say 90 percent, with his dick, I at least make the effort to use my brain for the initial contact. World of difference between "I will fuck you until your soul needs a cigarette" vs. "Welcome to Dims! Here's a cupcake."


 
Both are, of course, utterly charming approaches, Michael


----------



## Weeze

superodalisque said:


> there is not much active in the activism besides complaining.


Unfortunately, I think this is the case for ANY kind of activism.


----------



## katorade

LoveBHMS said:


> Well they can't help it. Read any post from a single female feedee/gainer such as Heather BBW, Ashley, Ivy, or AlethaBBW and they will say they've been this way as long as they can remember. They're all females, should they have a place here?
> 
> Sexuality doesn't damage anyone's psyche, actions damage the psyche. Bad actions are wrong, thoughts are not.
> 
> But you make your point. The mere fact of there being a place here, and worse, having it protected so participants can't be attacked and ridiculed is enought to piss you off. You don't want discussion here because the discussion might be about something that if acted upon in real life might hurt somebody. You want this place to be taylor made for you and what you need it for. Unfortunately, nobody can make those decisions except the webmaster and mods, so you'll have to take it up with them. Luckily for you, most of us are choosing to quit posting on the WB or to share anything of substance since you and your friends have made it clear you're not going to rest until that space is either gone or just made into enough of a troll playground that nobody bothers anymore. The constant trolling and attacks have made it largely pointless by now anyway. For what it's worth this place is a lot closer to your nirvana than you think.
> 
> The worst of it is, i'm not sure most people even want the WB gone, they just want it there and unprotected so they can go and harass people and ridicule them.



So sick of this line of thinking.

Discussing your sexual desires with other people on a public forum IS acting on your sexuality. Dimensions weight board is not the Feeders Anonymous meeting you like to make it out to be. Acting on one's sexuality reaches far beyond physical action. Engaging in any behavior that one considers sexually fulfilling is "action". When you engage anyone outside of yourself in that behavior, that is social action. Emotional manipulation can be a hugely satisfying behavior for someone that gets off on other physical stimuli that makes a person feel vulnerable. 

Confronting people that are already vulnerable to it is ill advised, at best, and yes, posting about it on a widely available public forum is confrontation. Using the retort that "some people like it" absolutely does not matter. Comparing the WB to the SS board is apples and oranges. The SS board is completely private and only visible to those that are personally invested in that life. If you were actually interested in not being verbally attacked or judged, you would rally to make the weight board a private forum, which would actually be protected from scrutiny, but that's not what interests you, is it?


----------



## superodalisque

katorade said:


> So sick of this line of thinking.
> 
> Discussing your sexual desires with other people on a public forum IS acting on your sexuality. Dimensions weight board is not the Feeders Anonymous meeting you like to make it out to be. Acting on one's sexuality reaches far beyond physical action. Engaging in any behavior that one considers sexually fulfilling is "action". When you engage anyone outside of yourself in that behavior, that is social action. Emotional manipulation can be a hugely satisfying behavior for someone that gets off on other physical stimuli that makes a person feel vulnerable.
> 
> Confronting people that are already vulnerable to it is ill advised, at best, and yes, posting about it on a widely available public forum is confrontation. Using the retort that "some people like it" absolutely does not matter. Comparing the WB to the SS board is apples and oranges. The SS board is completely private and only visible to those that are personally invested in that life. If you were actually interested in not being verbally attacked or judged, you would rally to make the weight board a private forum, which would actually be protected from scrutiny, but that's not what interests you, is it?



they wouldn't let me rep you again. if the goal was to talk "unmolested" then i do think there would be a serious move for a private board. then only the people who were interested would be interacting. and that would not stop discussions elsewhere like on the fat sexuality board as a whole and the fantasy board etc... but it would keep out the questions and opinions people interested in fetishes don't appear to want to have to deal with all of the time. 

as you said i don't think thats the aim of the people who are upset by the commenting like SSBBWs used to be. unlike SSBBWs what they want to do has more dependencey on people outside of the interest than maybe some would like to admit. not taking it private under the strenuous circumstances described by some makes it look as though people might just be trying to attract the vulnerable and the naive to something not innate to them. that really flies in the face of the protestations that those interests are inborn and no one at all is trying to influence people that aren't already interested somehow. 

the truth is there are a lot of people here who are attractive to people who like those particular fetishes but those people may not share the same interests. and i do feel there is a hope for some to interest those people by appearing to mainstream fetishes to the curious still exploring who they are. the truth is a fetish cannot be mainstreamed otherwise it wouldn't be a fetish. and the pretense that some aspects of it is not a big deal is dishonest especially when talking to the uniformed and unexposed.

for me it looks like there is something not completely honest happening. complaining about being open to attack from people not interested and then not taking it private even when there are also other venues of discussions seems incongruent. it just doesn't make much sense unless you are using it to try to convince people not already interested in the fetish itself. i think deep down some fetishist do cherish the idea that they might introduce someone to thier fetish which is fine. i think the conduit to discovery fantasy is a common one. but at least they should be honest about it and not pretend as though the only people involved or the only people they want to be involved here are people who always knew what they wanted practically from the moment of birth. and i also think part of the drive behind the insistance that one is being persecuted for thier sexual interest also plays into the enjoyment of the taboo aspect of thier interest. so, there is a real reason to keep opposition going whether its either real or imagined because there is a payoff.


----------



## Wagimawr

Mini said:


> As someone who does most of his thinking, say 90 percent, with his dick, I at least make the effort to use my brain for the initial contact. World of difference between "I will fuck you until your soul needs a cigarette" vs. "Welcome to Dims! Here's a cupcake."


Of course, the important question is HOW DIFFICULT IS THAT.

The answer, if you lurk here long enough, seems to be "not as hard as my dick when i see you hurr hurr".


----------



## jenboo

oops never mind, my question was asking if there was a protected weight board, which I did not know the site had, but reading further in the thread it seems as though there is


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

JoyJoy said:


> Just as you are tired of questions, people are tired of your line of logic. If it were to actually apply, the pedophiles should be left alone to do their thing, serial rapists excused, etc. When one's sexuality involves potentially damaging the psyche or physical being of another, it absolutely should be questioned, no matter what fetish or desire is involved.
> 
> While feeding may not be our thing, most of us are adult enough to accept that others enjoy it. I don't believe any of the more vocal outcries have been condemning those who participate in consenting sexual behavior (fetishistic or not) between adults. The problem most of us have is when one person uses their sexuality to take advantage of or damage (physically, mentally or emotionally) another who is either unwilling or naive/lacking knowledge/immature, in order to get their jollies. We cringe when one person seeks to get their pleasure in ways that degrade the focus of their desire, especially when we personally fall into that focus group. *The whole "this is my sexuality, I can't help it!" is simply an excuse thrown out to allow people to be irresponsible (at best) toward others. *This is speaking in generalities, because on the whole, it's far more reaching than that, but this is the bare bones of it.
> 
> Sexuality is part of who a person is, but along with that should be the ability and desire to express it and act on it responsibly and without harm to others. Beyond that, I don't care if it's guarded by the Secret Service itself, it should be called out, especially when it's in a space shared by both sides. This is why the outcry has been louder this time (from where I sit) - because a "protected" forum here on a site we felt comfortable on is protecting things that are like slaps in the face to women who struggle on a daily basis to maintain pride and dignity, and we are the ones made out to be the villains. We're told to leave it alone so that others can be comfortable and express themselves, as if it doesn't matter that we know we're in the presence of those who enjoy degrading us, because after all, it's only natural for them to feel that way, so that makes it okay and we should just get over it. Defending this type of thing because "they can't help it" or "it's their right to feel comfortable here" to me, is complete and utter bullshit.



That bolded line.....it makes me think of the alcoholics in my life making excuses for themselves. They got drunk, did really bad things.....but it's all okay by them since they have trouble remembering it. They are "unaffected" and constantly make excuses for themselves instead of growing up and admitting their shortcomings and bad behaviors. Making excuses is SOOOOOO much easier than trying to rectify bad deeds, isn't it?
How about criminals that commit heinous crimes but hold up their abusive/dysfunctional childhoods as an excuse? Is it okay for them to hurt others because of their past? Hells bells, what about the MANY people that have came from similar backgrounds and turn out to be very productive, caring, good people? Aren't those making excuses bringing down those that are trying to do better?
Isn't it the same in the world of fetish? All the people that have fetishes don't seek to hurt others with it. Those making excuses for those that do wish harm on others is, once again, a disservice to those that do not and simply wish to "exist". 
I have seen some of the, what I consider to be, "nicer fetishists" complain about the nastier people because they make everyone look bad as a whole. 

In the brave new world I have meted out for myself these past few years.....EVERYONE gets to be responsible for their own shit. 
That's right, OWN IT. Swallow it and choke on it if that's the only way you can stop yourself from being evil to others. 
If you want to hurt people, and know it's wrong, then do whatever it is you have to do NOT to hurt other people. No free rides, no excuses. 
People aren't victims from having a preference or a sexuality. That seems to be the underlying tone around here at times.....they are victims because of what they like/want yet want to be lauded or praised for the very thing they seem ashamed of.
I have never understood that line of thinking other than it falls right into the victim mentality so present in addicts. 
If you have a preference, so what? We all have our quirks, desires and "dark sides". That doesn't give any of us license to dump our shit onto other people, period.

I'm a fat woman, I like some fat men, I like some thin men, I like some abuses during sex, I like to eat too damn much. So what? What difference does that make when I interact with others? Is there a reason in there for me to hurt others at my discretion? My life....it's all mine..... the good AND the bad.


----------



## katorade

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> We all have our quirks, desires and "dark sides". That doesn't give any of us license to dump our shit onto other people, period.



Can you yell that through a bullhorn?


----------



## BBW Betty

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> That bolded line.....it makes me think of the alcoholics in my life making excuses for themselves. They got drunk, did really bad things.....but it's all okay by them since they have trouble remembering it. They are "unaffected" and constantly make excuses for themselves instead of growing up and admitting their shortcomings and bad behaviors. Making excuses is SOOOOOO much easier than trying to rectify bad deeds, isn't it?
> How about criminals that commit heinous crimes but hold up their abusive/dysfunctional childhoods as an excuse? Is it okay for them to hurt others because of their past? Hells bells, what about the MANY people that have came from similar backgrounds and turn out to be very productive, caring, good people? Aren't those making excuses bringing down those that are trying to do better?
> Isn't it the same in the world of fetish? All the people that have fetishes don't seek to hurt others with it. Those making excuses for those that do wish harm on others is, once again, a disservice to those that do not and simply wish to "exist".
> I have seen some of the, what I consider to be, "nicer fetishists" complain about the nastier people because they make everyone look bad as a whole.
> 
> In the brave new world I have meted out for myself these past few years.....EVERYONE gets to be responsible for their own shit.
> That's right, OWN IT. Swallow it and choke on it if that's the only way you can stop yourself from being evil to others.
> If you want to hurt people, and know it's wrong, then do whatever it is you have to do NOT to hurt other people. No free rides, no excuses.
> People aren't victims from having a preference or a sexuality. That seems to be the underlying tone around here at times.....they are victims because of what they like/want yet want to be lauded or praised for the very thing they seem ashamed of.
> I have never understood that line of thinking other than it falls right into the victim mentality so present in addicts.
> If you have a preference, so what? We all have our quirks, desires and "dark sides". That doesn't give any of us license to dump our shit onto other people, period.
> 
> I'm a fat woman, I like some fat men, I like some thin men, I like some abuses during sex, I like to eat too damn much. So what? What difference does that make when I interact with others? Is there a reason in there for me to hurt others at my discretion? My life....it's all mine..... the good AND the bad.



Quoted for Truth, because the system won't let me rep you again just yet.


----------



## Miss Vickie

BBW Betty said:


> Quoted for Truth, because the system won't let me rep you again just yet.



I got her for ya. But yes, quoted for truth. Eloquently said.


----------



## bullsman812000

dimensionsmagazine is a great website the best out there love it


----------



## mergirl

Sandie S-R said:


> There are those here who believe that being attracted to fat people is as much a hard wired "sexuality" as being queer. My husband has always preferred a fat partner. Thin just doesn't work for him. To him it is not a fetish but his sexuality. To him there is no choice involved, it's who he is.


Oh. I was talking about feederism, not being an 'fa'. I think body and gender attraction belong in the 'sexuality' catagory, while anything that focuses on anything other that the person as a whole or related to aspects not of the person is fetish. Though, i know fetish/ sexuality are difficult concepts to define i consider gender attraction a sexuality and i define feeding and weight gain fetish..erm to be a fetish.


----------



## shellbelle

fetish and sexual orientation are not two mutually exclusive phenomena. it's a bit more complicated than that.


----------



## SoVerySoft

BeautifulPoeticDisaster said:


> Lets also not forget that some of that "hubba hubba you are so hot and big" can turn into "death do us part" for some of us.
> 
> *Most of the people online are here because they need something...validation, a soapbox, a community, expression, porn etc. *
> 
> But sometimes finding someone on common ground is a good thing even if not apparent when the online meeting first happens and you blow the guy off because he is 'just another online fa'. If the guy is a good guy, he won't make hallow promises and tell lies.



I wasn't able to rep you for this, so I will post it publicly, the bold statement above is dead on, and the point of your entire post is an important one in this thread.


----------



## superodalisque

BeautifulPoeticDisaster said:


> I hadn't dated much at all in my 27 years. In fact I can count dates, not boyfriends...on one hand. Never had a boyfriend....can't get much less ready than that.
> 
> I'm not discounting what everyone is saying, I'm just saying that most guys have their "hubba hubba" moments, but that doesn't make them bad guys.



i've been dating since i was 16 i'm now 46. i agree that it doesn't make a guy a bad guy at all. but if he carries that mentality into every aspect of his life even when he is with someone IRL it could be bad for that person. i'm still amazed at how many guys think that they can carry some of the stuff from dims and websites right into real life. some are just hard headed and unexposed but i haven't really thought of them as being mean or trying to harm anyone for the most part. its just a matter of degrees and knowing when to say when. but because there are so many people here trying to find their equilibrium you are bound to run into a lot of folks who are not there yet as far as the real world is concerned. some aren't even sure how to be comfortable with a fat woman out in public yet. but if you meet someone in public and he takes you anywhere including around his friends and family then you know he is probably where he should be in order to date you. its harder to answer that question by simply dealing with someone over the net. but depending on it too much can set you up to be hurt much more often than you might IRL where the real and in front of everybody filter is on. i think its great to come to dims and find something you need . that has a lot of value. the trick is not giving it so much value that you actually stop living in ways that are important and stop giving the real world a chance. maybe what dims is is a place to learn and grow and explore but what its not is something so important that your entire life hangs on what happenes here.


----------



## Lonewulf

Its unfortunate to say but most people here has become comfortable playing "the victim". As a victim, you are the one to whom injustice is being done and so everyone else is unjust, incorrect, or just wrong. You are worthy and they are not. Many of you who do not have sufficient self-esteem find this as the only way you can establish your self-worth, by being the victims of others wrong doings. As victims, you are not responsible for your reality and not to blame if you or our lives are not living up to expectations. 

We live in a world where people have differing opinions and outlooks, learn to live with it because its not going to change anytime soon.


----------



## Ruby Ripples

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> A cross-sectional sub-species analysis of the Free-Range Dims Member (_Dimensionae rotundus sapiens_):
> 
> The Batshit Crazies: I'm going to post some really hurtful shit and deny I said it for the next two weeks until I get embroiled in another 20-page thread controversy.
> 
> The Godmins: I shall smite thy offensive post with all the smitey smitiness of my...smite key!
> 
> The Board Babes: My 4,000 calorie milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard!
> 
> The Lotharios: I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! SLURRP! I DRINK IT UPP! AND HERS, AND HERS, AND THIS BABE OVER HERE! My junk has hit so much tail on this board from here to Albuquerque that it looks like a steamer trunk...
> 
> Paysite Sycophants: I likes the pretty girls and the big fat fuck fantasy and can you please post more pics while I post unflattering cam captures of myself, hee hee hoo hoo ah ahhhhh...WHERE'S THE LANOLIN?!!!
> 
> The Cognoscenti: All these boards are yours except WLS. Attempt no landing there. Use them together. Use them in peace. Oh who the fuck am I kidding...throw down, bitch!
> 
> The Bitches: I'm just here to bitch and make myself look smarter, superior and more attractive than any of you. My 20 cats agree with me, so I must be right.
> 
> The Assholes: What that smarmy bitch just said, minus all the pussies. Tut, tut, cheerio and I'm off to have my tea and scones while I verbally assault someone because my parents didn't love me. I'd follow up to your rebuke but I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes.
> 
> Smarmy boys: I'd insert a witty comment, but I'm too busy designing lolcats.
> 
> Uber nerds: This thread is exactly like episode 75 of Next Generation, except less Worf. Check out my Gundam collection in the background of my display picture, isn't it rad?!
> 
> The Heartless Bastards: I slam fat girls in public but love to screw them in private because they're easy and they all want me, too. Check out my awesome pectoral muscles and complete lack of respect for your emotions!
> 
> The Fetishists: You need more weight, stretch marks and chins. The edema isn't unhealthy at all...in fact, it's positively fappable. It's not sexy until it has it's own gravity well.
> 
> The Scary Fetishists: It rubs the lotion on it's stretch marks or else it gets the hose again! Oh, and you need to gain another 100 lbs.. In six months.
> 
> The Skinny FFAs: Fat boys rock! Now I can be edgy and against the grain and make big boy dreams come true! Sure, there are only 30 of us in the world, but there are others out there, far across the heavens, in the closet, just waiting to find our perfect John Goodman lookalike!
> 
> The Jack Sprats: The cool thing about being 120 lbs. to her 400 is that I fit neatly into carryon luggage compartments. Or her belly rolls. I can continue to stay healthy while she gains due to my mutant fruit fly metabolism.
> 
> The Virgins: I LIEK BOOBZ! Vaginas are weird, we loves them but they scares us, Preciousss...
> 
> The Younglings: I'm 22 and know everything about the wurld and how dare you pit your 30 years of wisdom against my post-high school, neo-collegiate angst! I mean, I've read Harry Potter and Twilight 20 fucking times! I had sex last week, twice! Peace out.
> 
> The Elders: You're 22, you don't know shit about shit, much less relationships, heartbreak, parenting, divorce, debt, health issues due to 30 years of being 100 lbs. overweight and all the sordid personalities of this board that existed before you were a fucking ZYGOTE! Pull up your pants and get the Hell off my lawn!
> 
> Sylvia Plathites: Death surrounds us all, loneliness wraps us like a cold blanket full of Cheetos residue and stale Skittles. I don't know why some of us keep on going except to post one...last...meaningful...statement!
> 
> The Comedians: Hey did you hear I got a weak back? When did you get a weak back? Oh, about a week back! WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA! Oh, and shit, piss, fuck, boobs, peace, love and crabs!
> 
> I may be missing a few but that about covers it.



No, you missed a very vocal one... the male FA that is married to a non BBW, and posts all over these forums, and/or haunts the chatroom, chatting up every fat woman in site because of the ssbbw shaped hole in his life. ugh


----------



## thatgirl08

Lonewulf said:


> Its unfortunate to say but most people here has become comfortable playing "the victim". As a victim, you are the one to whom injustice is being done and so everyone else is unjust, incorrect, or just wrong. You are worthy and they are not. Many of you who do not have sufficient self-esteem find this as the only way you can establish your self-worth, by being the victims of others wrong doings. As victims, you are not responsible for your reality and not to blame if you or our lives are not living up to expectations.
> 
> We live in a world where people have differing opinions and outlooks, learn to live with it because its not going to change anytime soon.



It's interesting you say this with your 24 posts, no picture and no profile information.


----------



## Lonewulf

Sorry you have so much anger in you, but it sounds like my post 'hit' a nerve.


----------



## Famouslastwords

lol you couldn't be more off base with her. That's not anger that's observation.


----------



## thatgirl08

Lonewulf said:


> Sorry you have so much anger in you, but it sounds like my post 'hit' a nerve.



How was that an angry post? I'm making an observation. It's interesting you would be 'pointing fingers' when you clearly are not that involved in the forums, and I wonder if you would post that if it wasn't as anonymous.



Famouslastwords said:


> lol you couldn't be more off base with her. That's not anger that's observation.



Thanks Rachel<3


ETA: Also.. kind of skeptical about your intent in posting that. Mossy said it better.


----------



## mossystate

I am going to venture out and say that a lil ' anger '...not a bad thing. 

Another fine example...well, a weak attempt, at/of....gaslighting.

That's my...observation.


----------



## Wagimawr

Lonewulf said:


> Its unfortunate to say but most people here has become comfortable playing "the victim". As a victim, you are the one to whom injustice is being done and so everyone else is unjust, incorrect, or just wrong. You are worthy and they are not. Many of you who do not have sufficient self-esteem find this as the only way you can establish your self-worth, by being the victims of others wrong doings. As victims, you are not responsible for your reality and not to blame if you or our lives are not living up to expectations.


Hi, who are you and why do you give a damn?



Lonewulf said:


> We live in a world where people have differing opinions and outlooks, learn to live with it because its not going to change anytime soon.


Very true; I've always been amazed at the inability to accept such differences in the midst of internet fights. When was the last time somebody admitted that somebody else was right on the internet?


----------



## cinnamitch

Wagimawr said:


> Hi, who are you and why do you give a damn?
> 
> Very true; I've always been amazed at the inability to accept such differences in the midst of internet fights. *When was the last time somebody admitted that somebody else was right on the internet*?



Hey you're right!


----------



## Famouslastwords

Hey Cinnabitch! You're right that Wagimawr is right!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

I shall agree with FLW but NOT Jason.......I have my standards in e-fighting, you know........


----------



## Famouslastwords

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I shall agree with FLW but NOT Jason.......I have my standards in e-fighting, you know........



So you're agreeing with her nickname then?


----------



## chicken legs

Lonewulf said:


> Its unfortunate to say but most people here has become comfortable playing "the victim". As a victim, you are the one to whom injustice is being done and so everyone else is unjust, incorrect, or just wrong. You are worthy and they are not. Many of you who do not have sufficient self-esteem find this as the only way you can establish your self-worth, by being the victims of others wrong doings. As victims, you are not responsible for your reality and not to blame if you or our lives are not living up to expectations.
> 
> We live in a world where people have differing opinions and outlooks, learn to live with it because its not going to change anytime soon.



You have yet to hit the post quota for being considered valid to make a point..even though you make a good one.

Post quota is umpteen thousand by the way.


----------



## thatgirl08

chicken legs said:


> You have yet to hit the post quota for being considered valid to make a point..even though you make a good one.
> 
> Post quota is umpteen thousand by the way.



There's a difference between making a valid point and trying to start shit.


----------



## chicken legs

thatgirl08 said:


> There's a difference between making a valid point and trying to start shit.



***whips out BBQ sauce**

This person hasn't made enough posts to me to really gauge their personality...so I just take it as a frank commentary. However, they have been posting since '08 and lurking since who-knows-when so I take that into consideration.

Then again, I am biased because I do agree with their statement of ....."We live in a world where people have differing opinions and outlooks, learn to live with it because it’s not going to change anytime soon."..


----------



## thatgirl08

I'm not saying I disagree, just that it's always interesting that the harshest criticism seems to come from those who post little and are most anonymous.


----------



## Blackjack

chicken legs said:


> ***whips out BBQ sauce**
> 
> This person hasn't made enough posts to me to really gauge their personality...so I just take it as a frank commentary. However, they have been posting since '08 and lurking since who-knows-when so I take that into consideration.
> 
> Then again, I am biased because I do agree with their statement of ....."We live in a world where people have differing opinions and outlooks, learn to live with it because its not going to change anytime soon."..



Okay, but the single good point that he makes doesn't negate the fact that the entire first paragraph is trollin'.


----------



## chicken legs

Blackjack said:


> Okay, but the single good point that he makes doesn't negate the fact that the entire first paragraph is trollin'.



Tomato..tomato

you say trollin..I say lurking(/delurking)..we all do it either way.


----------



## mergirl

shellbelle said:


> fetish and sexual orientation are not two mutually exclusive phenomena. it's a bit more complicated than that.


I agree. Though i do get a bit tired of the drawn out queer analogies in relation to feederism. It would be like relating hetrosexuality with balloon play. They are on different spectrums.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Famouslastwords said:


> So you're agreeing with her nickname then?



Who are you to judge my e-fighting skills?


----------



## mergirl

thatgirl08 said:


> I'm not saying I disagree, just that it's always interesting that the harshest criticism seems to come from those who post little and are most anonymous.


Also, the 'Dims is the best' posts mid thread seem to come from 2 post dans too. lol. There could be some connection!


----------



## superodalisque

Lonewulf said:


> Its unfortunate to say but most people here has become comfortable playing "the victim". As a victim, you are the one to whom injustice is being done and so everyone else is unjust, incorrect, or just wrong. You are worthy and they are not. Many of you who do not have sufficient self-esteem find this as the only way you can establish your self-worth, by being the victims of others’ wrong doings. As victims, you are not responsible for your reality and not to blame if you or our lives are not living up to expectations.
> 
> We live in a world where people have differing opinions and outlooks, learn to live with it because it’s not going to change anytime soon.



i agree with this quite a lot. the negative focus here is very sad when we do have so much to celebrate. its easy to come here and dump all of the negative expectations of life. its also easy to come here and make people we've never met responsible for all of our grief and sadness. its much harder to be joyous and celebratory when you are determined to blame someone else for how you feel about your body or your life even though you are the person who has all of the responsiblity and makes the choices. i believe that in general its the lack of responsibility for self and the choices we make that truly make us miserable. i do also feel that its extremely easy for people to blame fat for all of thier misery in life. a lot of people like to use it as a feel sorry for me pass: feel sorry for me because i am attracted to fat people, feel sorry for me because i happen to be fat.

PS: it doesn't really matter how often you post or whether you have a pic i think you have hit upon an important truth for this site. nothing about how you chose to represent yourself online, which is no one's business but your own, has anything to do with the fact that you made a very valid and valuable post. i hope people start to pay attention instead of always trying to run interference with personal attacks that have nothing to do with what you actually said. people here tend to have avoidance down to a science especially when you talk about something that gets to the heart of a matter.


----------



## thatgirl08

mergirl said:


> Also, the 'Dims is the best' posts mid thread seem to come from 2 post dans too. lol. There could be some connection!



haha, yes! I'm sure that's true.


----------



## escapist

Lonewulf said:


> Its unfortunate to say but most people here has become comfortable playing "the victim". As a victim, you are the one to whom injustice is being done and so everyone else is unjust, incorrect, or just wrong. You are worthy and they are not. Many of you who do not have sufficient self-esteem find this as the only way you can establish your self-worth, by being the victims of others wrong doings. As victims, you are not responsible for your reality and not to blame if you or our lives are not living up to expectations.
> 
> We live in a world where people have differing opinions and outlooks, learn to live with it because its not going to change anytime soon.



I don't think it so much a problem with just here, I see it everywhere. I've seen how that same mindset actually creates a security blanket to help foster comfort in the middle of the storm rather than prompting one to do something constructive about the situation. If it sounds like I'm saying, "I think it can spawn laziness, and does nothing to promote a fighting spirit". Its because I am! Its like the battle cry of support groups that do nothing but support inaction and foster insecurity.

Your last little phrase is something akin to a little phrase of mine: "If I'm not pissing someone one off, I'm just not expressing myself clearly enough; because, you can't please everyone."

Hell I know I'm not a victim. I'm the one who put (almost) every bite of food in my mouth. I'm the one who chooses not to get daily exercise. I'm the one who decided its easier to just eat what I like when I like; rather than eating smart and what I should. I'm the one who eats cause its fun, not because its fuel for the body.

I own my Fat! Love it Leave it! If ya don't like your fat do something about it. Thats what I've always done.

Hell, even if you were a victim that was the past, what are you gonna do about tomorrow? Are you gonna stay a victim of your past or are you going to create the future you want?


----------



## superodalisque

escapist said:


> I don't think it so much a problem with just here, I see it everywhere. I've seen how that same mindset actually creates a security blanket to help foster comfort in the middle of the storm rather than prompting one to do something constructive about the situation. If it sounds like I'm saying, "I think it can spawn laziness, and does nothing to promote a fighting spirit". Its because I am! Its like the battle cry of support groups that do nothing but support inaction and foster insecurity.
> 
> Your last little phrase is something akin to a little phrase of mine: "If I'm not pissing someone one off, I'm just not expressing myself clearly enough; because, you can't please everyone."
> 
> Hell I know I'm not a victim. I'm the one who put (almost) every bite of food in my mouth. I'm the one who chooses not to get daily exercise. I'm the one who decided its easier to just eat what I like when I like; rather than eating smart and what I should. I'm the one who eats cause its fun, not because its fuel for the body.
> 
> I own my Fat! Love it Leave it! If ya don't like your fat do something about it. Thats what I've always done.
> 
> Hell, even if you were a victim that was the past, what are you gonna do about tomorrow? Are you gonna stay a victim of your past or are you going to create the future you want?



i think i love you:smitten: they wouldn't let me rep you again.


----------



## vix

The webmaster explains why he created this forum, why are people still arguing?

I don't post very often, but it would be nice to think I could without fear of being jumped on if I choose to.

Less back biting more belly love please


----------



## superodalisque

vix said:


> The webmaster explains why he created this forum, why are people still arguing?
> 
> I don't post very often, but it would be nice to think I could without fear of being jumped on if I choose to.
> 
> Less back biting more belly love please



i think the webmaster posted it to get a vibrant discussion going and it really worked it got you to post. YAY!!! hehe


----------



## mergirl

vix said:


> Less back biting more belly love please



Thats the spirit!! :bow:
I also like mixing it around sometimes..Belly biting with subsequent back loving..


----------



## escapist

superodalisque said:


> i think the webmaster posted it to get a vibrant discussion going and it really worked it got you to post. YAY!!! hehe



I was thinking the same thing. 


Chicken Leg's just said, "...coming out of the BHM forum is delurking for you(me)."


----------



## Santaclear

Lonewulf said:


> Its unfortunate to say but most people here has become comfortable playing "the victim". As a victim, you are the one to whom injustice is being done and so everyone else is unjust, incorrect, or just wrong. You are worthy and they are not. Many of you who do not have sufficient self-esteem find this as the only way you can establish your self-worth, by being the victims of others’ wrong doings. As victims, you are not responsible for your reality and not to blame if you or our lives are not living up to expectations.
> 
> We live in a world where people have differing opinions and outlooks, learn to live with it because it’s not going to change anytime soon.



Evidently you're comfortable playing "the psychiatrist." Also unfortunate.


----------



## Paquito

Lonewulf said:


> Its unfortunate to say but most people here has become comfortable playing "the victim". As a victim, you are the one to whom injustice is being done and so everyone else is unjust, incorrect, or just wrong. You are worthy and they are not. Many of you who do not have sufficient self-esteem find this as the only way you can establish your self-worth, by being the victims of others’ wrong doings. As victims, you are not responsible for your reality and not to blame if you or our lives are not living up to expectations.
> 
> We live in a world where people have differing opinions and outlooks, learn to live with it because it’s not going to change anytime soon.



I'm gonna take Super O's advice on this one  I've know people to play the victim, but I fail to see any examples in Dimensions. But I do seem to play an optimist here.


----------



## superodalisque

free2beme04 said:


> Maybe you should post 10 Reasons to not Play the Victim.



now thats just a grudge from the other thread talking. you should really keep it over there where it belongs


----------



## LillyBBBW

Lonewulf said:


> Its unfortunate to say but most people here has become comfortable playing "the victim". As a victim, you are the one to whom injustice is being done and so everyone else is unjust, incorrect, or just wrong. You are worthy and they are not. Many of you who do not have sufficient self-esteem find this as the only way you can establish your self-worth, by being the victims of others wrong doings. As victims, you are not responsible for your reality and not to blame if you or our lives are not living up to expectations.
> 
> We live in a world where people have differing opinions and outlooks, learn to live with it because its not going to change anytime soon.



That's a theory that I rejected eons ago. It's a simplistic way of thinking. People who cry, show pain, seek comfort, complain are somehow incapable and stationary, bla bla, ho hum. It's simply not true. I was kept imprisoned as a child in my parents' lifestyle of rabid alcoholism for years until I alone finally broke ranks and spoke out. This was against the vitriolic protests and derision of my entire family using this same philosophy as their rallying cry. It sucessfully kept me and my siblings in line and properly disfunctional till I could stand it no more. I assure you I'm no victim, just a person who's grown tired of being bullied into normalizing disfunction. 

I don't think it's too much to ask for people to be able to discuss things that are of interest to them in peace while those who don't want to participate can avoid it and go elsewhere. I consider it a courtesy. I hate cats. If I see a thread labeled "Cats In Costume" then I avoid that thread. These labels and forums are here for a reason. Most of us can see and understand this sense of order easier than were we to fall off of a rolling log. We don't need to be constantly told, reminded and corrected nor are we victims for pointing it out to others who are seemingly unaware or simply choose to ignore it. It would be poor of me to be completely content with it up to the point where I can't have my way in here. Then all of a sudden it's all so cumbersome, confusing and unfair and people who don't embrace my view of it all are victims and weaklings. Old trick that only works on kids.


----------



## BLUEeyedBanshee

LillyBBBW said:


> *I don't think it's too much to ask for people to be able to discuss things that are of interest to them in peace while those who don't want to participate can avoid it and go elsewhere. I consider it a courtesy*. I hate cats. If I see a thread labeled "Cats In Costume" then I avoid that thread. These labels and forums are here for a reason. Most of us can see and understand this sense of order easier than were we to fall off of a rolling log. We don't need to be constantly told, reminded and corrected nor are we victims for pointing it out to others who are seemingly unaware or simply choose to ignore it. It would be poor of me to be completely content with it up to the point where I can't have my way in here. Then all of a sudden it's all so cumbersome, confusing and unfair and people who don't embrace my view of it all are victims and weaklings. Old trick that only works on kids.



Amen Lilly Amen.

I have kept out of this conversation. But that is the one thing I don't understand in all of this. Yes I know when things are posted in threads or areas they don't belong that people can and do and have every right to be upset. BUT it's when people seem to actively seek out areas of the board that they claim to not only have no interest in but are appalled by the behavior completely. Why go there? 

Personally I have a wide array of interests. I don't expect everyone to like all the things I'm interested in, I never have and I never will.


----------



## lavendersummer

TraciJo67 said:


> Dimensions has moved far beyond being Conrad's site, and I'm beyond tired of hearing that argument. For starters, many people, myself included, have lent financial support towards its upkeep. Additionally, the contributors make it what it is. We all have a stake in it, not just Conrad, and accordingly, we should all have a voice in its direction.
> 
> It is clear, from reading Conrad's post, that this site is in fact primarily for FAs, hence the term "a size-positive place for FAs and the people they admire".
> 
> Conrad: I'm disappointed that you have taken what I see to be some very valid points and skewed them into a perspective that is, in fact, a caricature of what many have actually been saying. I don't think that ANYONE objects to sexuality, fat sexuality, or fetishism. Nor do I see anyone saying that preferring fat is a fetish, in itself. A preference is not a fetish. Elementary. ABC stuff, really. Yet even those with hard-core fetishes can and do have a place here. What I'm beyond tired of is the constant ... and I do mean CONSTANT ... ranting about fetishism, with absolutely no understanding of (nor empathy for) people who themselves have very real, very valid feelings of discomfort over being viewed as nothing more than pounds of flesh. If we can discuss the one, why are we shut down when we wish to discuss the other? Are people truly that threatened, that uncomfortable, with their OWN self-proclaimed sexuality, that it can't hold up to some honest scrutiny? Again, I'm not suggesting that fetishism is inherently wrong or evil. I've never said that, nor do I believe I've seen anyone else say it. Just ... understand that if [the general] you are going to constantly harp on the fetish, the fetish, the fetish fetish fetish ... at some point, the object(s) of that fetish are going to wonder ... is there anything else to life? Are you actually SEEING the people living in the fat bodies?
> 
> Finally, this isn't directed at everyone. I know, and am on very friendly terms with, many reasonable/responsible FA's, BBWs, and fetishists. This is directed at the vocal minority who constantly ... constantly ... CONSTANTLY ... shout to make their voices heard and then immediately stomp all over anyone who objects, stamps them with the 'harpy shrew COF morality police' label, shout 'INTERNET BULLY' to the top of their (internet bully) lungs, and basically ... the second things quiet down ... start ranting anew.



If you have "valid feelings of discomfort about being viewed as pounds of flesh", why are you here? I am not, sincerely not, being disrespectful, just curious. This is a highly sexualized environment, always has been, and I find this kind of post somewhat disingenuous. This is Conrad's site, he sets the tone, and Dimensions has never made any pretense of being anything but what it is. The magazine celebrated the beauty of fat sexuality, and that ambience remains online after the magazine has ceased to print. Keep that in your mind when you visit, and stop trying to mold it to your own vision of what it should be.

I've never visited someone's house and exhorted them to redecorate their furniture or told them what they can and cannot talk about in their own living rooms. If I feel uncomfortable someplace, I leave. If I like it, I stay. If remaining is more important to me than my host's taste in furniture, I weigh one against the other (no pun intended) and keep my mouth shut. It seems rather silly to complain and get offended when there is such an easy and quick cure to your problem.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

lavendersummer said:


> If you have "valid feelings of discomfort about being viewed as pounds of flesh", why are you here? I am not, sincerely not, being disrespectful, just curious. This is a highly sexualized environment, always has been, and I find this kind of post somewhat disingenuous. This is Conrad's site, he sets the tone, and Dimensions has never made any pretense of being anything but what it is. The magazine celebrated the beauty of fat sexuality, and that ambience remains online after the magazine has ceased to print. Keep that in your mind when you visit, and stop trying to mold it to your own vision of what it should be.
> 
> I've never visited someone's house and exhorted them to redecorate their furniture or told them what they can and cannot talk about in their own living rooms. If I feel uncomfortable someplace, I leave. If I like it, I stay. If remaining is more important to me than my host's taste in furniture, I weigh one against the other (no pun intended) and keep my mouth shut. It seems rather silly to complain and get offended when there is such an easy and quick cure to your problem.



If you helped to pay some of the bills in said house, spent time helping them decorate this house or gave money to help buy new furniture for it, would you still feel the same? I think that most people that give aid/help to something usually don't appreciate being told that what they have done/donated means nothing.
It definitely has the power to leave one feeling quite used or played, wouldn't you say?


----------



## Paquito

I already won this thread people, MOVE ALONG


----------



## lavendersummer

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> If you helped to pay some of the bills in said house, spent time helping them decorate this house or gave money to help buy new furniture for it, would you still feel the same? I think that most people that give aid/help to something usually don't appreciate being told that what they have done/donated means nothing.
> It definitely has the power to leave one feeling quite used or played, wouldn't you say?



I will repeat: if you don't like the game, leave the playground. If you don't like the boss, quit. If you "spent money decorating" someone else's home, that doesn't give you the right to tell them how to run it. Giving should ideally be without strings, wouldn't YOU say?


----------



## lavendersummer

free2beme04 said:


> I already won this thread people, MOVE ALONG



When I am ready, I shall.


----------



## lavendersummer

Am I boring you, maa'm? That's a first for me, but I think I can handle it.


----------



## kayrae

It's even more disingenuous to invalidate the contributions given by the individual members here. Dimensions is no longer a magazine. The content provided here is a collection of free content provided by those who choose to participate in the forums. It might be Conrad's house, but it ain't a party without the guests.


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## Famouslastwords

kayrae said:


> It's even more disingenuous to invalidate the contributions given by the individual members here. Dimensions is no longer a magazine. The content provided here is a collection of free content provided by those who choose to participate in the forums. It might be Conrad's house, but it ain't a party without the guests.




I command you to shut up ye pound of flesh with point of good!


----------



## chicken legs

kayrae said:


> It's even more disingenuous to invalidate the contributions given by the individual members here. Dimensions is no longer a magazine. The content provided here is a collection of free content provided by those who choose to participate in the forums. It might be Conrad's house, but it ain't a party without the guests.



I agree and thats why I spoke up when a certain few thought they spoke for everyone and decided to go on a "holier than thou" crusade for god knows what.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

lavendersummer said:


> I will repeat: if you don't like the game, leave the playground. If you don't like the boss, quit. If you "spent money decorating" someone else's home, that doesn't give you the right to tell them how to run it. Giving should ideally be without strings, wouldn't YOU say?



Nah, Not remotely interested in running anybody's house....but I cannot see how someone attempting to nullify the contributions of many people here can be helpful or constructive in any way. Especially when it was time and money I could have spent in someone's else's house or even on my own. I HAVE donated to another forum in the past....thought it was better spent on Dims lately. 

Don't think my time or money gave me any special privileges or clout. Felt like I owed it since I spend so much time here.....but also definitely don't feel like keeping on helping out if the general attitude is that any help that people give around here doesn't mean jack or make any kind of difference. I could just as easily just come here and post for free without donating anything like I see a lot of other people do. Numerous people wanted to do more than that and have done so. Don't expect a big reward or prize for that....but damn, who are you to say what's been given doesn't mean shit???

Who are you again?

It's not realistic to ask people for help, people do so and then the nastier types start screaming at them to GTFO and expect everyone to just keep on helping wordlessly.

It's not your house either, btw. Looks like someone needs to tell you that, too.

Oh and when there is a bright green donation button, it's also not unrealistic or totally unexpected for someone to ask "How much money to do you need?" as was asked in this thread.

Some people around here do give more than simple loyalty, I hope you realize


----------



## lavendersummer

kayrae said:


> It's even more disingenuous to invalidate the contributions given by the individual members here. Dimensions is no longer a magazine. The content provided here is a collection of free content provided by those who choose to participate in the forums. It might be Conrad's house, but it ain't a party without the guests.



"Invalidating contributions?" Dramatic, silly stuff. Have we all become so overly therapized that this kind of language is used for such a non-emotional, relatively unimportant topic, in the scheme of things? Validate your own contributions. If you wait for others to do it, you'll wait a very long time. That's called self-esteem.

True, it's not a party without guests. But given the thousands of guests that Conrad continues to graciously host, and the many more thousands he will continue to host in the years to come, I doubt very much if a few persistently unhappy guests will be missed. I usually leave parties that make me uncomfortable, as I would imagine most people do. They don't stay until the wee hours and complain that the party is making them miserable. I like being happy, so I remove myself from situations, if I can, that create unhappiness for me. Don't you?


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## kayrae

Are you implying that size activism is a non-emotional, relatively unimportant topic? And anyway, I don't need help with my self-esteem. Mine is so healthy that I'm empowered to vocalize my opinions. Funny that.


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## lavendersummer

Of course not. This is not a size acceptance issue. This is merely about an individual or individual(s) trying to force an environment to conform with their own vision as opposed to the vision of the owner. We are talking about a discussion forum and posting on it, not whether or not to have an ovary removed or another life-altering decision. "Invalidation" and other emotionally charged language looked a bit over the top to me when discussing whether one should visit an internet site when one is so unhappy in it. It's really simple--if something makes you unhappy, put as much distance between you and it as possible. It's really a common sense recipe for serenity, something I am sure most of us aspire to.


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## kayrae

The vision of the owner seems to also coincide with the happiness of the people who frequent this board. Because here it is... I asked for a BBW board and it was created. Same goes for the GLBTQ and FA board. I mean, we could all choose to be simple and walk away when something makes us unhappy. Or... I dunno, we can change it.


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## katorade

lavendersummer said:


> Of course not. This is not a size acceptance issue. This is merely about an individual or individual(s) trying to force an environment to conform with their own vision as opposed to the vision of the owner. We are talking about a discussion forum and posting on it, not whether or not to have an ovary removed or another life-altering decision. "Invalidation" and other emotionally charged language looked a bit over the top to me when discussing whether one should visit an internet site when one is so unhappy in it. It's really simple--if something makes you unhappy, put as much distance between you and it as possible. It's really a common sense recipe for serenity, something I am sure most of us aspire to.




I don't see why you're arguing about people voicing their opinions when you have no problems voicing yours. There are a lot of feelings you simply don't know or don't understand when it comes to the people upset about the direction of this website, so I don't think you're really qualified to tell these people what it is they're thinking. Trying to make this community fit their agenda was never on the list. Equality and providing a safe, open medium for discussion and GROWTH of the relationships between FAs and fat people was, which was apparently what the point of this place is supposed to be. Thinking your fighting for that, and then being told you can't find blame with the other party lest their fragile feelings be hurt, but they can post the most vile material about you in the name of "fantasy"? I'm pretty sure being upset over that is a relevant topic of discussion and KEY to the progress of how this site ends up.


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## Wild Zero

katorade said:


> Thinking your fighting for that, and then being told you can't find blame with the other party lest their fragile feelings be hurt, but they can post the most vile material about you in the name of "fantasy"?



Post links to the threads where people posted the most vile material about Katorade in the name of "fantasy" or it didn't happen.


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## TraciJo67

lavendersummer said:


> Of course not. This is not a size acceptance issue. This is merely about an individual or individual(s) trying to force an environment to conform with their own vision as opposed to the vision of the owner. We are talking about a discussion forum and posting on it, not whether or not to have an ovary removed or another life-altering decision. "Invalidation" and other emotionally charged language looked a bit over the top to me when discussing whether one should visit an internet site when one is so unhappy in it. It's really simple--if something makes you unhappy, put as much distance between you and it as possible. It's really a common sense recipe for serenity, something I am sure most of us aspire to.


 
Your writing is very familiar. Just a guess, mindy you, but ... given how familiar you seem with Dims issues ... did you at one time have a different SN? Or are you referring only to what you've seen in this thread?


----------



## katorade

Wild Zero said:


> Post links to the threads where people posted the most vile material about Katorade in the name of "fantasy" or it didn't happen.



Seriously sick and tired of having to clarify that "you" refers to the general "you", especially when if I was referring to myself, I could have said "me". It's as annoying to me as "IMHO" is to Wagimawr. Not to mention that it's plainly obvious that that's not even the point, and you're fully aware of it.

Let me rephrase the whole goddamn thing for you, then. When it is said that this place is for FAs and the people they admire, and someone even hints to there being any kind of equality there, they're either lying or horribly misguided. Don't piss up my leg and tell me it's raining.


----------



## lavendersummer

kayrae said:


> The vision of the owner seems to also coincide with the happiness of the people who frequent this board. Because here it is... I asked for a BBW board and it was created. Same goes for the GLBTQ and FA board. I mean, we could all choose to be simple and walk away when something makes us unhappy. Or... I dunno, we can change it.



Then let the market decide. If Conrad notices a mass exodus--in the hundreds---he might indeed do that, and certain changes may indeed be made. Until that day comes, he has the right to run his site the way he sees fit. As far as I know, the Dimensions site and discussion forum has been wildly active for over a decade. The mass majority of individuals enjoy coming here, and aren't trying to change it to fit their own vision. I think that pretty much tells the story.  And, folks, I am outta here. Have a great weekend.


----------



## lavendersummer

katorade said:


> I don't see why you're arguing about people voicing their opinions when you have no problems voicing yours. There are a lot of feelings you simply don't know or don't understand when it comes to the people upset about the direction of this website, so I don't think you're really qualified to tell these people what it is they're thinking. Trying to make this community fit their agenda was never on the list. Equality and providing a safe, open medium for discussion and GROWTH of the relationships between FAs and fat people was, which was apparently what the point of this place is supposed to be. Thinking your fighting for that, and then being told you can't find blame with the other party lest their fragile feelings be hurt, but they can post the most vile material about you in the name of "fantasy"? I'm pretty sure being upset over that is a relevant topic of discussion and KEY to the progress of how this site ends up.



I am not a big fan of material abusive toward women. I am not a big fan of sexism. I am not a big fan of objectification of women, either. Abuse of any kind--whether physical or psychological--I despise it. This kinda thing is not my cuppa tea. To that end, if a place with these kind of offerings offended me, I'd leave it. At the very least, I wouldn't spend much time on it at all--that's for sure. What I wouldn't do is to tell a person how to run their business. Either I'd open my own site or I'd leave. Or shut up and take what I want from it and refrain from commenting on the rest. Period.


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## Famouslastwords

I told you guys, BTD!

You know what's funny? You either don't know what you're talking about, or you're hiding under an anonymous screen name. Both options amuse me.


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## Mathias

Famouslastwords said:


> I told you guys, BTD!
> 
> You know what's funny? You either don't know what you're talking about, or you're hiding under an anonymous screen name. Both options amuse me.



Whoever this person is, he or she is making some good points.


----------



## katorade

lavendersummer said:


> I am not a big fan of material abusive toward women. I am not a big fan of sexism. I am not a big fan of objectification of women, either. Abuse of any kind--whether physical or psychological--I despise it. This kinda thing is not my cuppa tea. To that end, if a place with these kind of offerings offended me, I'd leave it. At the very least, I wouldn't spend much time on it at all--that's for sure. What I wouldn't do is to tell a person how to run their business. Either I'd open my own site or I'd leave. Or shut up and take what I want from it and refrain from commenting on the rest. Period.




What I wouldn't do if I were the business owner is continue to purport that my business offers something that it does not. Covering your ears and pretending that it's not happening when long-time patrons of your site tell you that it most definitely IS...is simply bad business practice. Rather than take criticism as a suggestion, though, it's just so much easier to stagnate and bury your head in the sand and continue with what's been "successful" up until now...for now. 

Question, if you're not a fan of abusive material towards women, sexism, or objectification of women, then why are YOU here?


----------



## jenboo

katorade said:


> What I wouldn't do if I were the business owner is continue to purport that my business offers something that it does not. Covering your ears and pretending that it's not happening when long-time patrons of your site tell you that it most definitely IS...is simply bad business practice. Rather than take criticism as a suggestion, though, it's just so much easier to stagnate and bury your head in the sand and continue with what's been "successful" up until now...for now.
> 
> *Question, if you're not a fan of abusive material towards women, sexism, or objectification of women, then why are YOU here?*




Wow, so you have to be a fan of abusive material, sexism and objectification of women to be here? That is news to me. I am an anti-violence feminist. I come here, so I guess I should either not continue to follow these forums or hand in my lib card? I am guessing you wrote the question to stir the pot and if that is the case then it is what it is, but still does not seem to fit. A very odd question indeed. 

Why are you here?


----------



## Mathias

katorade said:


> What I wouldn't do if I were the business owner is continue to purport that my business offers something that it does not. Covering your ears and pretending that it's not happening when long-time patrons of your site tell you that it most definitely IS...is simply bad business practice. Rather than take criticism as a suggestion, though, it's just so much easier to stagnate and bury your head in the sand and continue with what's been "successful" up until now...for now.
> 
> Question, if you're not a fan of abusive material towards women, sexism, or objectification of women, then why are YOU here?



"Long time patrons." lol Why should that or the fact that people donated money mean anything? do I get some kind of internet e-medal after I pass the 10 year mark? You weren't the ones who physically went in and brought the site back whenever it crashed or actually added the new forums when  people actually asked that they be made. And yet after that, people still complain.


----------



## tonynyc

Mathias said:


> "Long time patrons." lol Why should that or the fact that people donated money mean anything? do I get some kind of internet e-medal after I pass the 10 year mark?



After 10 years I think you should get an autographed photo of your choosing... :happy:




katorade said:


> What I wouldn't do if I were the business owner...




Well.... you could start your own movement


----------



## Famouslastwords

Mathias said:


> Whoever this person is, he or she is making some good points.



Wow Matt so you think we should put up or shut up with being treated like pounds up of flesh or leave? I thought you were better than that. You've lost a lot of respect and camaraderie that I had for you today.


----------



## Shosh

katorade said:


> What I wouldn't do if I were the business owner is continue to purport that my business offers something that it does not. Covering your ears and pretending that it's not happening when long-time patrons of your site tell you that it most definitely IS...is simply bad business practice. Rather than take criticism as a suggestion, though, it's just so much easier to stagnate and bury your head in the sand and continue with what's been "successful" up until now...for now.
> 
> Question, if you're not a fan of abusive material towards women, sexism, or objectification of women, then why are YOU here?



There are other bad things that go on here like little cliques of particular female posters who stick together to bully and harass others.
It has been better of late due to a more zero tolerance policy.

That is just as bad as the things you have mentioned. Lets not forget that.

Have some of your mates been involved in that sort of behaviour here? I would say so I reckon.


----------



## Mathias

Famouslastwords said:


> Wow Matt so you think we should put up or shut up with being treated like pounds up of flesh or leave? I thought you were better than that. You've lost a lot of respect and camaraderie that I had for you today.



Ok. I totally said that.  Ironically what you posted above is the type of site that I thought Fantasy Feeder was SO I LEFT! Welcome to my ignore list.


----------



## thatgirl08

katorade said:


> Question, if you're not a fan of abusive material towards women, sexism, or objectification of women, then why are YOU here?



Honestly not trying to be a bitch here, but you aren't a fan of those things and you're here so I'm not completely sure that line of logic makes 100% sense.


----------



## katorade

jenboo said:


> [/b]
> 
> Wow, so you have to be a fan of abusive material, sexism and objectification of women to be here? That is news to me. I am an anti-violence feminist. I come here, so I guess I should either not continue to follow these forums or hand in my lib card? I am guessing you wrote the question to stir the pot and if that is the case then it is what it is, but still does not seem to fit. A very odd question indeed.
> 
> Why are you here?



I asked that because she posed the same question to me. I object the same exact things that have been seen, recorded, and protected on this site. For her to ask why I'm here when I hate them, but she participates herself when she ALSO hates them is hypocritical to me. That's why I asked.

Mathias, I referred to the long-time patrons (not including myself, mind you) because they are the ones who have been here long enough to notice trends, changes, and differences, and technically those are the people you want to refer to when discussing the state of your community, as passersby and fair weather members won't really know what has and hasn't worked for the community as a whole. This goes for people on both sides of the argument, not just on one side, and would go for any other site. 

The trend for a while has been that many long-term members of this community have noticed a change that was not for the betterment of the community as a whole, and when they voiced their concerns, were told to gtfo if they don't like it. The icing on the cake is, in short, this:

-"This is a community for FAs and the people they admire."
-"Uh, no it isn't."
-"Yes it is."
-"Well, that's not exactly what's been happening here, or how many of us feel."
-"Well...get the fuck out if you don't like it then. It is what I say it is."

The reality is, though, that it's not. Not by a long shot.


And Tony, I did create a forum.


----------



## tonynyc

Famouslastwords said:


> Wow Matt so you think we should put up or shut up with being treated like pounds up of flesh or leave? I thought you were better than that. You've lost a lot of respect and camaraderie that I had for you today.



Ahh but what of our lovely ladies that have threads to admire the physical qualities of our Male Dimmers...


----------



## katorade

Shosh said:


> There are other bad things that go on here like little cliques of particular female posters who stick together to bully and harass others.
> It has been better of late due to a more zero tolerance policy.
> 
> That is just as bad as the things you have mentioned. Lets not forget that.
> 
> Have some of your mates been involved in that sort of behaviour here? I would say so I reckon.




I have absolutely no say over what anyone on here says, nor do I collaborate with anyone before posting. The ideas that anyone I would refer to as a friend on here are their own. A lot of the people whose posts I enjoy on here conflict with each other on a daily basis, so I don't really see your point.

Also, you can't really say that you haven't flung a little shit back and forth on here now and then, can you?



thatgirl08 said:


> Honestly not trying to be a bitch here, but you aren't a fan of those things and you're here so I'm not completely sure that line of logic makes 100% sense.



See above post.  I don't actually care why the hell she's here, I just thought it was hypocritical that she asked me why I post here when there are things I don't like, when things she doesn't like are here and she still posts. It's a silly question that I've been asked many times that nobody seems to want to hear the answer to.


----------



## thatgirl08

katorade said:


> See above post.  I don't actually care why the hell she's here, I just thought it was hypocritical that she asked me why I post here when there are things I don't like, when things she doesn't like are here and she still posts. It's a silly question that I've been asked many times that nobody seems to want to hear the answer to.



Ah, sorry, I honestly wasn't following the entire thread so I think I read that comment out of context of the rest of the conversation.


----------



## exile in thighville

Lonewulf said:


> Its unfortunate to say but most people here has become comfortable playing "the victim". As a victim, you are the one to whom injustice is being done and so everyone else is unjust, incorrect, or just wrong. You are worthy and they are not. Many of you who do not have sufficient self-esteem find this as the only way you can establish your self-worth, by being the victims of others wrong doings. As victims, you are not responsible for your reality and not to blame if you or our lives are not living up to expectations.



truly hope i'm not the only one who plays it for laffs


----------



## exile in thighville

i don't see what his low post count has to do with anything - he's clearly read the place enough to know it just isn't worth it


----------



## Shosh

katorade said:


> I have absolutely no say over what anyone on here says, nor do I collaborate with anyone before posting. The ideas that anyone I would refer to as a friend on here are their own. A lot of the people whose posts I enjoy on here conflict with each other on a daily basis, so I don't really see your point.
> 
> Also, you can't really say that you haven't flung a little shit back and forth on here now and then, can you?
> 
> 
> 
> See above post.  I don't actually care why the hell she's here, I just thought it was hypocritical that she asked me why I post here when there are things I don't like, when things she doesn't like are here and she still posts. It's a silly question that I've been asked many times that nobody seems to want to hear the answer to.



Oh well, if you don't like it go and post in your new wonderful forum. Why are you still here griping?


----------



## mergirl

Shosh said:


> There are other bad things that go on here like little cliques of particular female posters who stick together to bully and harass others.
> It has been better of late due to a more zero tolerance policy.



I thought you brought the 'forum bullies' thread back to life to discuss this topic? If what you percieved is not happening any more then why bring it up in another thread? What is the point?


----------



## Shosh

mergirl said:


> I thought you brought the 'forum bullies' thread back to life to discuss this topic? If what you percieved is not happening any more then why bring it up in another thread? What is the point?



The point is that the atmosphere here is better now that there is a zero tolerance policy in place re bullies. I stated as much as a positive.
I was making POSITIVE feedback to this place, which is not what this is.

If people have made a new forum to post in, let them post in it then.


----------



## mergirl

Shosh said:


> The point is that the atmosphere here is better now that there is a zero tolerance policy in place re bullies. I stated as much as a positive.
> I was making POSITIVE feedback to this place, which is not what this is.
> 
> If people have made a new forum to post in, let them post in it then.


Does everything posted HAVE to be positive? I think that just because someone posts in another forum doesnt mean they can't still post here, or indeed want to make here a nicer place or object to things people have said that they find offensive. There could be reasons for staying here too.


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## NancyGirl74

Maybe Dims is and is not what you make of it. If you go looking for posts and comments that make you angry then you are going to find them. If you go looking for insults in the comments of others you are going to find them. If you want to debate every itty bitty issue you'll find someone on the other side of the issue to debate back with you. 

On the other hand, if you want to make friends they are here to be found. If you need a resource chances are good you can find that here too. If you just need to be validated that you are not alone in this world whether BBW or FA you can totally find that here. 

On a personal note, I don't like or agree with much of what Dims is about. Some times I stay away from those issues/topics and sometimes I express my opinion. Still, there is more positive things here for me than negative. Bottom line: For _me_ Dims = support, resources, and friendship.


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## kayrae

This is where I'm at also. Because I might not always like Dimensions, but I sure met a lot of AWESOME people here. And it's the awesome people that I do care about.

And sometimes I really enjoy being devil's advocate, so I go to Hyde Park to get my feelings hurt . Or to feel morally superior.





NancyGirl74 said:


> Maybe Dims is and is not what you make of it. If you go looking for posts and comments that make you angry then you are going to find them. If you go looking for insults in the comments of others you are going to find them. If you want to debate every itty bitty issue you'll find someone on the other side of the issue to debate back with you.
> 
> On the other hand, if you want to make friends they are here to be found. If you need a resource chances are good you can find that here too. If you just need to be validated that you are not alone in this world whether BBW or FA you can totally find that here.
> 
> *On a personal note, I don't like or agree with much of what Dims is about. Some times I stay away from those issues/topics and sometimes I express my opinion*. Still, there is more positive things here for me than negative. Bottom line: For _me_ Dims = support, resources, and friendship.


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## exile in thighville

not sure why a pretty tame post rebutting me was removed. i supported it myself so if someone reported it it wasn't on my behalf.

people who report posts should consider consulting a window.


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## cinnamitch

Shosh said:


> Oh well, if you don't like it go and post in your new wonderful forum. Why are you still here griping?



And why do you constantly come onto threads just to bait people? You would think you would be above that now wouldn't you? If folks want to stay and as long as the aren't getting infractions, what is it to you if they voice an opinion? Or is it only the opinions of certain folks that isn't ok anymore? I mean really if you don't care for the opinion why not just ignore it? It is getting ridiculous baiting folks just to get them banned. I thought we were all adults in here.


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## RedVelvet

cinnamitch said:


> ... Or is it only the opinions of certain folks that isn't ok anymore?...



I think the answer to this question is yes.

Just..yes.

Things that disturb some are protected..and things that disturb others is not and is banned...the "thing"s themselves are determined by the personal preferences of the owner, and to a smaller extent, the prevailing winds here, and in spite of neutrality expressed, they lean strongly in a given direction, and more so all the time.

...Thats ok, of course..Dims always gets to be, always will be, whatever the person who makes the rules says it is.

Not good for me, great for someone else. I lose, they win....this place....as their playground..and hopefully I will find one for my self someday..

Meanwhile...I will enjoy the limited contact with people I like here in a limited way. And thats all I get.

I used to be so hurt about this...but now..it's very ......neutral. And I guess thats the best way for someone like me to feel here..


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## Angel

off topic.

does spiritual intuition transcend or trump the metaphysical realm?



p.s.: if it doesn't make sense to you personally, kindly ignore. thank you.


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## chicken legs

Webmaster said:


> .
> 
> On the other hand, I very strongly reject the notion that seeking a fat partner in life, or even just being attracted to fat people is nothing but a fetish! That is patently absurd and makes a mockery out of all the wonderful relationships and marriages, all the hopes and dreams, and all the new-found confidence that we're witnessing amongst us. So I am quite perturbed by the recent trend to endlessly insinuate that fat admirer = fetish, Dimensions = fetish site. Nothing, but nothing could be farther from the truth.
> 
> .



Ok, so I happened across a video blog and its video response and it finally struck me what some of hubbub is about...

When it comes to the Porn industry, yes it is a fetish to like big folks. Outside of that industry it is simply a preference. This site deals with both sides. LOL..yep its that simple.


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## exile in thighville

here's a question: is dimensions the be-all end-all for what i'll generalize as a "fat interest" forum? does it want to be?


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## KHayes666

exile in thighville said:


> here's a question: is dimensions the be-all end-all for what i'll generalize as a "fat interest" forum? does it want to be?



I can't believe I had to waste 10 character just to say a simple....No


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