# Fat partner -- What breaks? What doesn't?



## Webmaster (Dec 18, 2011)

Most FAs in live-in relationships with fat partners quickly learn that the world wasn't designed for fat people. Stuff doesn't fit. Stuff breaks. Stuff is simply not available.

My engineering mind generally assumes that things are designed to handle about 2X stress, i.e. they won't break until at least twice the load they were designed for. But that is not always the case. Over time, I've had front suspensions collapse, endless frustrations with wheels on roller chairs, toilet seats that just would not hold up, tile floors that cracked and broke, furniture designs that simply could not handle weight, numerous weak links that had to be fixed, etc., etc.

A lot, of course, is weight related. Something that can handle 250 pounds forever may not survive a single 400 pound use. Other stuff seems indestructible. Yet other products seem to always break and you can't even find anything, at any price, that will hold up. 

Over time, most FAs who find themselves searching for things that will do the job get pretty good at assessing designs and capacities. Sometimes it's frustrating, as in when you see that just a bit of extra strength would do the job, but no one makes it that way.

Obviously, this affects those with supersize partners the most, but some things are fragile enough to fail even under modest stress.

What's been your experience? Challenges? Frustrations? Ideas? Suggestions?


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## imfree (Dec 18, 2011)

At 400+ lbs, I pulled the hand pull handle over the passenger door, completely off, while getting into Mom's Buick Park Avenue.

Hope it's OK to relate my own experience.


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## FatAndProud (Dec 18, 2011)

I find this one of the cutest things about FAs :wubu:


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## Fat Brian (Dec 18, 2011)

One thing that we go through the fastest is our mattress and box springs. We are about to replace our fourth set in twelve years, we seem to get about three years to a set no matter what they cost. Its height related as much as weight, our bed sits high for under bed storage but that makes it difficult for little short Crystal to climb in. No matter how much we flip and rotate it her side always gets broken, either the heavy wire around the edge of the mattress breaks or her box spring goes. I hope our new house will be big enough that we can lower the bed a bit, I'm tired of buying mattresses.

Other things aren't such an issue, since I'm big too we don't have a lot of little people stuff around to break.


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## imfree (Dec 18, 2011)

Fat Brian said:


> One thing that we go through the fastest is our mattress and box springs....snipped...



I sleep alone and I still wore out a "good" Serta mattress in just 2 years. I'm looking for a way to fund a bariatric mattress this time!


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## samuraiscott (Dec 19, 2011)

Chairs can be a problem. I have broken two in the last year and it sucks because they were the chairs I use to sit at the computer on. I can't afford those chairs designed for big people but I guess I am either going to have to buy stock in a cheap furniture maker or save up some money and buy something that's made for me.


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## chicken legs (Dec 19, 2011)

Escapist snapped the passenger car seat in half, so being a bit of a gearhead, I recommended hitting up the salvage yard for cheap replacements. So he and a friend were able to get almost new replacements in only 20 minutes because his mini-van his really popular. I also found this website..http://www.casagordita.com/otherstuff.htm ..that he found very helpful.


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## BigFA (Dec 19, 2011)

Wooden toilet seats are the big thing for me. Always crack right through after a month or two although the plastic ones hold up pretty well. Box springs under my mattress begin to squeak and grown after about 6 months. Seems the structure of the box doesn't hold up for us fat guys and girls. 

And while it is not a breaking issue, some of the newer model regional jets have tray tables that have a curved edge in front. Brilliant idea for those of us like myself who need lots of belly room. As it stands now, I can no longer lower a tray table on any airliner as it sits at a 45 degree angle on top of my huge gut.


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## BBW MeganLynn44DD (Dec 19, 2011)

My hips have destroyed 2 center consols in the last 2 cars we have owned.The last one has been fixed so hopefully they used stronger plastic,but I doubt it.


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## krystalltuerme (Dec 25, 2011)

BBW MeganLynn44DD said:


> My hips have destroyed 2 center consols in the last 2 cars we have owned.The last one has been fixed so hopefully they used stronger plastic,but I doubt it.


Front bench seating FTW


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## BBW4Chattery (Dec 25, 2011)

Fat Brian said:


> One thing that we go through the fastest is our mattress and box springs. We are about to replace our fourth set in twelve years, we seem to get about three years to a set no matter what they cost. Its height related as much as weight, our bed sits high for under bed storage but that makes it difficult for little short Crystal to climb in. No matter how much we flip and rotate it her side always gets broken, either the heavy wire around the edge of the mattress breaks or her box spring goes. I hope our new house will be big enough that we can lower the bed a bit, I'm tired of buying mattresses.
> 
> Other things aren't such an issue, since I'm big too we don't have a lot of little people stuff around to break.



Maybe this would help someone else. I toss and turn a LOT... like once an hour, all night, every night. In a mattress with springs or a cushioned memory foam top, this is hard on the bed. 

I had used beds for my entire life up until 2010. At that time, I did a ton of research on the best bed for my weight, needs, etc. I couldn't afford it back then and ended up with a traditional mattress and box springs. Despite it being a supposed good quality bed, I experienced sagging within a year.

Last August, I had the chance to purchase a new bed with my partner. I put the research to use. We got a split queen box spring and a latex foam mattress and a separate memory foam topper. 

The split box spring SUPPOSEDLY distributes my heavier weight to just my box spring and limits stress on the structure as a whole. The latex supposedly lasts longer than any spring mattress. The memory foam is for added comfort but, from what I've told, needs to be replaced every 1-2 years. 

So far, the only issue we've had is the bed itself... which, of course, has broken. I tend to keep storage boxes under the bed for safety since I broke my first bed in 1999. The supports under the bed have come loose (has happened on every bed I've owned) so we plan to prop it up on the storage boxes for the time being.

As far as other things... I break toilet seats yearly. My knees are weird and hips are always sore so, without being graphic, to get an angle to clean myself requires some twisty perching and, over time, that snaps the toilet seat off the hinges and/or cracks it up front.

I live in constant fear that I'll break through a floor or a stair or the shower/tub. The rental we have now just feels not sturdy and creaks/bends with every breeze. I can live with the embarrassment of breakage, I'm just terrified of getting hurt in the process.


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## musicman (Dec 26, 2011)

BBW4Chattery said:


> As far as other things... I break toilet seats yearly. My knees are weird and hips are always sore so, without being graphic, to get an angle to clean myself requires some twisty perching and, over time, that snaps the toilet seat off the hinges and/or cracks it up front.



Elongated toilets can really help with this. Even with extra bumpers under the seat, my wife used to regularly snap the (metal) hinges on toilet seats before we installed an elongated toilet. Now, it rarely happens. (I believe it's the squirming to fit on the small seat that breaks the hinges.) If you're a renter, this may not be an option, but keep it in mind for the future.

There are also special toilet bumpers which extend slightly down into the bowl, sometimes called toilet seat stabilizers. They supposedly keep the seat centered, and prevent it from shifting sideways when you move. You can install them yourself on any seat. I haven't tried them, but they might help prevent hinge breakage.


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## sizefriendlyacf (Dec 26, 2011)

I read the posts and was sorry to hear of the bed frame problems you have been dealing with. We at Size Friendly Furiture by Amish Crafted have made some adjustments just for you. We have over 75 beds and frames to choose from and all have the following modifications.
Size Friendly Modifications include:
Extra Frame reinforcement
Slats are dovetailed into Side Boards
Solid Hardwood Side Boards 
Additional Legs on Slats
Height increase or reduction based on you!
Any headboard with drawer platform
Available in Twin, Full, Queen and King.
Send me an email at [email protected] and I will direct you to where you can see these great products.
Hope I can Help
dennis


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## Webmaster (Dec 26, 2011)

We don't generally allow commercial messages or links, but I have to say that I am a big fan of Amish craftsmanship myself.


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## Miskatonic (Dec 26, 2011)

My ex and I broke our bed one night. We were having a good time and it just crashed onto the floor with no warning.

The worst part was we lived in an apartment above her parents and her step dad wasn't fooled by our lame excuses as to why the bed broke.


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## bigbri (Jan 3, 2012)

My persistent problem is chairs, particularly chairs with arms. It is less embarassing for me to ask for a chair without arms at the start, rather than hear the sound of the chair arm cracking while I am using it. The sad part is the number of public places that do not have any chairs without arms. I purchased a very sturdy folding chair, that i keep in my car. If I am visiting a relative or friend and either know they do not have a good chair or discover that fact while I am there, I just bring my portable in from the car and say flat out it will be best if the let me use this in the long run. The moment of awkwardness when I bring it in the door is far shorter than that of embarassment when I have collapsed something else. I am who I am and I try to accept responsibility for what side effects my size causes.


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## CastingPearls (Jan 3, 2012)

Broke a king-size bed with a boyfriend while house and cat-sitting for my best friend and her husband while they were visiting his folks in Sweden. We didn't even stop..ha ha ha too much fun....

When they got back, I told them, of course, and they laughed and said it was okay. She's a BBW too and they broke the bed before that one. We still laugh about it and it's been over ten years.


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## bigmac (Jan 4, 2012)

I've been party to several bed breaking.

I've come up with very basic but effective way of modifying wooden beds. First replace the wooden ledges upon which the slats rest with larger harder stock (the factory wood is usually very poor grade) -- 2x2 oak or Douglas Fir works great. For extra strength put some carpenter's glue on the new ledges before you screw them to the side rails. If your bed has less than six slats you'll need some more. Once you have 6 to 8 slats connect two sturdy boards to the slats' under side -- this creates a semi-ridging system that transfers and defuses forces, and keeps the slats in their proper place. 

Any old school wooden bed frame can me upgraded in an afternoon with one trip to the local lumber yard and a few very basic tool (wood saw, drill, screw driver).

None of the three beds I've upgraded has broken -- even with 700 plus pound of activity.


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## imfree (Jan 4, 2012)

Bed upgrades are a great idea. At 440+ lbs, I am my bed's limit, all by myself! I'll upgrade mine, if I should ever be blessed with someone to lay down beside me, by fabricating supplemental supports and deploying them midway on each bed rail. Total cap. of 800+ lbs sounds good to me.


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## Lamia (Jan 26, 2012)

Fat Brian said:


> One thing that we go through the fastest is our mattress and box springs. We are about to replace our fourth set in twelve years, we seem to get about three years to a set no matter what they cost. Its height related as much as weight, our bed sits high for under bed storage but that makes it difficult for little short Crystal to climb in. No matter how much we flip and rotate it her side always gets broken, either the heavy wire around the edge of the mattress breaks or her box spring goes. I hope our new house will be big enough that we can lower the bed a bit, I'm tired of buying mattresses.
> 
> Other things aren't such an issue, since I'm big too we don't have a lot of little people stuff around to break.



My boyfriend and I also had this problem with breaking beds and mattress problems. 

Solution: We each have our own bed. Two full sized beds pushed together. 

It's more comfortable and we both sleep better. Our dream is a king sized tempurpedic bed though :wubu:


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## Fat Brian (Jan 26, 2012)

Lamia said:


> My boyfriend and I also had this problem with breaking beds and mattress problems.
> 
> Solution: We each have our own bed. Two full sized beds pushed together.
> 
> It's more comfortable and we both sleep better. Our dream is a king sized tempurpedic bed though :wubu:



As a bit of an update, our bed frame broke last week so our mattress and box springs are on the floor right now. Somehow the center bar became disconnected from the bar at the head that holds the side rails together without us noticing and when we both were at the head of the bed looking out the window the head bar snapped in two. We bought a kingsize bed a few years ago and will never go back. That was one issue during our recent house hunt, finding a bed room big enough to fit our big bed and furniture.


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## WickedWaggy (Jan 29, 2012)

I had a BBW girlfriend break my brand new bed, the first night I had it. 

No no no, not like that - she ran and jumped on it from the kitchen... :doh:

We broke the arm off the couch like _that._


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## Ash (Jan 29, 2012)

I can't recommend this bed frame enough for those of you who break frames. It's rated to 1950 pounds, and it is amazing. Doesn't make so much as a creak. It's pretty tall, so if you use both a mattress and box spring on it, you'll be up pretty high. It's a platform style, though, so you can use it without the box spring. 

The link below is to the queen size version, but it comes in twin, full, queen, and king. I highly recommend it. 

http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garde...el-Foldable-Platform-Bed/5201282/product.html


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## Fat Brian (Jan 29, 2012)

Thank you, now that we are suddenly in the market for a new frame I will check these out.


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## Isa (Jan 29, 2012)

Ashley said:


> I can't recommend this bed frame enough for those of you who break frames. It's rated to 1950 pounds, and it is amazing. Doesn't make so much as a creak. It's pretty tall, so if you use both a mattress and box spring on it, you'll be up pretty high. It's a platform style, though, so you can use it without the box spring.
> 
> The link below is to the queen size version, but it comes in twin, full, queen, and king. I highly recommend it.
> 
> http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garde...el-Foldable-Platform-Bed/5201282/product.html



Thanks for the link and review. I'm dealing with the broken frame issue right now.


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## Redhotphatgirl (Feb 2, 2012)

mmmm lets see what I have broken. A plastic heavy duty lawn chair out by the pool. That hurt like the devil cause my butt and cement are not good mixes. Unknown toilet seats both broken by myself and my friends. We now only buy the soft seats. The toilet off the wall in a cheap wall attached situation. The fold down shower seat on the cruise last year. Ha ha. 

The reach up bar in our suburban was broken by rowan getting in. ha ha Oh and office chairs two.

I broke the car seat in our mazda trying to adjust with my legs. Not much has been broken lately because we are very aware that we are large people and have large friends so we bought heavy duty furniture. And what was not bought that way was re supported. 

I will say we too are hard on beds. Time for a new one soon.


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## wreckless1967 (Feb 9, 2012)

I run my own engineering company here in Jersey, My fiance and me now reqire a new bed soon as our wooden one we have now is starting to creak & groon under us. I have designed a steel bedframe that will feature decorative wrought iron detail on the head/ end boards, the cross beams will be about 2 1/2" x 1/4"
, the headboard will have rolled bars with ornate detail in it. This design will withstand around 3000lbs weight easily and as much jiggy nookie as you could possibly do on it and will not creak or bend. I posted about this on FF awhile back and had some interest, I will make an effort to build it soon. 
I have seriously thought about offering to sell strong quality bed frames as there does not seem to be much (any) choice around that looks nice and homely desirable. When I get on with it I will start a new post thread about it on this forum with pics and contact details.
We also specialize in ornate architectural iron works so a bed frame is a small simple project to us,but may be a money earner maybe too


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## supersizebbw (Feb 18, 2012)

at 366 pounds and currently fighting daily with this darned ikea bed...every other day i lay on it the wooden slats on the frame slide off and i find myself toppling down in the middle of the night and having to get up and fix them.

I thought it was due to my size then found a website with loads of complaints about the ikea design from people of all sizes having the exact same problem.

I've found a temporary way to fix the problem but it's no fun getting in and out of bed not knowing whether i'm going to fall through the bed or not *ARGH*.

My previous bed was a flimsy divan which i broke as well


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## wreckless1967 (Feb 19, 2012)

Yup this seems to be a comman problem of heavy people, could be a good business venture making ssbbw proof bed frames , hmmm loving when I get my first one made for my growing fiance


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## KHayes666 (Feb 19, 2012)

My fiancee and I have broken 3 beds (one fixed) since we've been together. Twins aren't good for us lol


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## penguin (Feb 19, 2012)

Gas lift office chairs will die on me after 8 or so months. It's expensive and annoying, and I can't afford the fancy ones for fat people. I like chairs with wheels, but don't need the gas lift.


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## Fat Brian (Feb 19, 2012)

penguin said:


> Gas lift office chairs will die on me after 8 or so months. It's expensive and annoying, and I can't afford the fancy ones for fat people. I like chairs with wheels, but don't need the gas lift.



Do you know anybody who can weld? Set the chair to a comfortable height and take it to them and have the cylinder welded to where it won't be able to go down anymore. It will still rotate the same but the height can't change.


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## penguin (Feb 19, 2012)

Fat Brian said:


> Do you know anybody who can weld? Set the chair to a comfortable height and take it to them and have the cylinder welded to where it won't be able to go down anymore. It will still rotate the same but the height can't change.



Hmm, my flatmate might be able to do that.


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## truebebeblue (Feb 19, 2012)

My queen MALM is Mattress length: 79 1/2 "
Mattress width: 59 7/8 " Then go to Lowes or home depot and buy two sheets of 1/4 inch plywood and have them cut to fit...they will cut them for free.It takes two sheets because plywood comes in lengths not long enough... so for the queen we 
got each cut to 59 7/8" by 39 3/4".
Take off the crappy slats and lay the plywood on top of the supports...hopefully you have a bed with the beam down the center? makes it work better.
If yours is a different size and you are having trouble working out the measurements I can figure it out for you from the ikea site. I'm 365 and my BF is 150 and it is SOLID. Good luck!




supersizebbw said:


> at 366 pounds and currently fighting daily with this darned ikea bed...every other day i lay on it the wooden slats on the frame slide off and i find myself toppling down in the middle of the night and having to get up and fix them.
> 
> I thought it was due to my size then found a website with loads of complaints about the ikea design from people of all sizes having the exact same problem.
> 
> ...


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## supersizebbw (Feb 20, 2012)

thanks trueblue, wish i'd known this earlier!...after wracking my brains i've found a temporary fix that appears to be working....i'm moving out of the house in a months time so at least i won't have to deal with this madness much longer.



truebebeblue said:


> My queen MALM is Mattress length: 79 1/2 "
> Mattress width: 59 7/8 " Then go to Lowes or home depot and buy two sheets of 1/4 inch plywood and have them cut to fit...they will cut them for free.It takes two sheets because plywood comes in lengths not long enough... so for the queen we
> got each cut to 59 7/8" by 39 3/4".
> Take off the crappy slats and lay the plywood on top of the supports...hopefully you have a bed with the beam down the center? makes it work better.
> If yours is a different size and you are having trouble working out the measurements I can figure it out for you from the ikea site. I'm 365 and my BF is 150 and it is SOLID. Good luck!


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## zosimos (Feb 21, 2012)

My girlfriend and I have broken two beds in the past few months :smitten:

I just got done with a very satisfying FA construction project this afternoon. I got out the table saw and built six additional reinforcing legs for my wooden sleigh bed. Figure it should hold up to a 100 lb gain at this point. Have any other FAs completed notable weight-related engineering projects?


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## truebebeblue (Feb 22, 2012)

well Im glad you figured something out. This method works for any bed that needs slats to support it though and under cushions on a sofa when the supports die.




supersizebbw said:


> thanks trueblue, wish i'd known this earlier!...after wracking my brains i've found a temporary fix that appears to be working....i'm moving out of the house in a months time so at least i won't have to deal with this madness much longer.


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## wreckless1967 (Feb 26, 2012)

Our mattress is around 4 yrs old now and it gets very noisy when we are playing around, springs twanging kinda sounds, it makes my girl very conscious of her teenagers in the other rooms being able to here us at it and so puts a dampner on a other wise hot moment. 
Is this related to our increasing weight or do mattresses become worn and noisy with age, I am going to buy a new one very soon to alieviate the problem


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## Gordo Mejor (Jun 15, 2012)

One day, after a NAAFA chapter meeting a number of us went out to eat at the local Souplantation.

I'm an FA, and at that time I was 6'1" and 180. After eating, I pushed the chair back a little and reached my arms out to stretch and yawn.

Bam! The back of the chair snapped in two explosively. The women near me all looked in horror and then started giggling as they realized who it was who had broken a chair.


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