# How does your attraction play out in reality?



## rainyday (Dec 31, 2009)

Where do you fall on the spectrum? If you are bisizual, please answer given the size you tend to find most appealing. I realize not everyone will fit in one of these categories. If I've left out options you think should be there, feel free to say. 

My intent isn't to call anyone out for not being true to their preference, but rather just to see how preference is manifest when it comes down to permanent choices. The poll's anonymous.


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## Jon Blaze (Dec 31, 2009)

Option 2. 

Based on my past few trends and my wide range(s) I would say that within it I would probably date someone in the middle, which for me is between 130ish-330ish.

I've had interest in two women this year that are 380 and 400 respectively. Sadly things didn't work out with either of them. I've never dated anyone their size, but I'm very willing. I just haven't had luck with any SSBBW that's peaked my interest to be perfectly honest (Nothing against SSBBWs mind you). 

My current partner is around 250, and based on "Attraction," she falls right in the middle. My ex is around her size too. I'd be willing to settle down with her. Based on size alone the same could be said for the other two had the situations ended up different. But alas: They did not. lol


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## RJI (Dec 31, 2009)

I'm bi-sizual so who ever i date i will be attracted to but if its a big girl i want its a big girl i'll get.


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## flashfeeder (Jan 1, 2010)

my situation doesn't fit within one of the answers. I recently had a very long relationship with someone within my size preference end, and I don't really spend much time thinking about whether or not who I end up will be within my size preference or not. I would guess probably, although it is not a requirement.


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## exile in thighville (Jan 1, 2010)

option 3 cuz deviantart-sized women just aren't real an stuff


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## StarWitness (Jan 1, 2010)

There's no "HO 4 LIFE" option?


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## Melian (Jan 1, 2010)

I chose option 7, but it doesn't totally describe my situation.

I married someone who is fat enough for me to be attracted to his body, although he isn't quite the ideal weight, and I DO hope that he will gain in time, but gaining is not necessary and I don't ask him to do it. I'd be satisfied if his weight stayed the same.


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## kioewen (Jan 1, 2010)

The options are very limited, and presuppose that one is successfully dating. How about options for effort, not just for result?


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## exile in thighville (Jan 1, 2010)

it's for ideal i'm pretty sure


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## rainyday (Jan 1, 2010)

kioewen said:


> The options are very limited, and presuppose that one is successfully dating. How about options for effort, not just for result?



It's really the end result I was asking about though, not the process. What I was trying to get a fix on was how closely a preference for a certain size of fat ends up matching reality when a permanent partner choice is made. Basically, what importance do FAs end up placing on being with their size ideal when push comes to shove and they make a final choice.


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## LoveBHMS (Jan 2, 2010)

The problem here is it doesn't take into account the importance of size, or on a more macro level, sexuality in the choice of a partner or relationship.

Some people are more or less sexual, and while they may have a strong preference, sex may not be as big of a deal to them. I'm thinking in a general way of couples who are satisfied with lower levels of sexual activity. In other words, somebody may be a hardcore FA, but not place a great importance in that aspect of his or her life when it comes to choosing a partner.

Somebody may choose a life partner based on religious compatibility, attitudes towards co-parenting children, financial reasons, familial approval, or compatible lifestyles and goals. Let's say a male FA is very family oriented and places a major important on parenthood; his primary consideration in choosing a mate might be somebody who wants the same number of children and shares the same values about how to raise them. A female FA could feel the same way and while she may be exclusively attracted to men of a certain size, that could be secondary to the potential partner's willingness/interest in child raising.

If you asked a 'vanilla' person, "How important is sex in a relationship" or "Would you prefer a life partner who was a best friend or somebody with whom you had strong sexual chemistry but where there was less mental compatibility" you'd get different answers. 

I know several long term partnerships that are not grounded in sex, or even a modern day 21st century notion of "romantic love" but they still have had longevity due to other factors


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## veil (Jan 2, 2010)

i've mostly dated thinner people, but never quite been happy or able to maintain my desire for them. i think, for a long term relationship, i'd need someone at least a bit plump to make me happy, and i don't see the point in denying it any more.


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## StarWitness (Jan 2, 2010)

I'm not really looking to get married, but supposing I do: ideally, I would marry a fat man. To be more specific: ideally, I would marry Nick Frost. However, weight isn't a dealbreaker for me.


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## speakeasy (Jan 2, 2010)

This is an interesting poll, and I'm curious to see what married folks have to say. For me, like StarWitness said, weight isn't a deal-breaker. I've dated fat and thin and been happy with both. If, in some sort of fantasy world, Natalie Portman knocked on my door and proposed to me, I would die of happiness, and I wouldn't for a second think "only if you gain twenty or thirty pounds first." Even though I love fat women and would happily marry a fat woman I loved, I think being sexually satisfied with someone is about more than just their body type.
But my experience is limited.
And by the way, my love for Natalie Portman is not just a superficial celebrity crush. It is a love as pure as rain.


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## exile in thighville (Jan 2, 2010)

i think a big flaw with this poll has to do with investing in a partner who cares about their health in addition to meeting their ideal size, because some people just won't invest in someone long-term who they're attracted to if they aren't prepared for the costs and risks of a supersized lifestyle so to speak

that is, i feel it assumes someone might not pursue their ultimate fantasy partner because of social worry and not quality-of-life worry - assuming with terms like "get my fat fix"


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## Gspoon (Jan 3, 2010)

I guess it is safe to say that I will probably be married to a woman who is grand in size. I date women of a large size now and I have no regrets. Why would marriage change anything?

I could date someone smaller, or even marry someone smaller. But I doubt it strongly, I have only really dated larger women and don't really have any urge to date any thin girls. But love is love, and will direct me as such. If I love a girl who is thin, so be it.


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## MrRabbit (Jan 3, 2010)

In the past, when I was much younger (and still a virgin), I have fallen in love with thin girls, but I realize now that there was no sexual attraction at all with these girls.

Now I know that if I want a relationship to also be sexually satisfying, I should only date big girls.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 3, 2010)

option 2 

However, being bi-sizual makes it kind of easy  

That being said, I date whomever I find attractive.


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## rainyday (Jan 4, 2010)

Thanks for the votes and responses so far.

What prompted me to make the poll was reading the posts here and elsewhere of so many eligible BBWs/SSBBWs (and BHMs) whose hearts are open to finding partnership but who are still waiting for it. Given that the FA population is already fairly small, it made me wonder how the FAs in that pool who _could_ be available to them end up being dispersed in reality. 

The "why" of what influences those choices (health factors/lifestyle/societal influence/etc.) would be a whole different poll.


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## rainyday (Jan 4, 2010)

It's a small sample size, but I just turned the data around a different way. At this writing there are 50 responses to the poll and it breaks down as:

*26 responses by people dating*
85% think they'll be with their ideal
4% think they'll be with someone smaller
11% date smaller already

*24 responses by people in a marriage/committed relationship*
67% are with someone their ideal
8% are with someone smaller and wish they'd chosen differently
17% married/commited with hope of gain
8% are with smaller and go outside the relationship for their ideal

Maybe there's a small disconnect between what size partner FAs anticipate having and who they end up with, _or_ maybe it indicates that currently unpartnered (and presumably younger) FAs are choosing differently. Who knows.

/late-night insomniac data turning


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## exile in thighville (Jan 4, 2010)

very good rainyday


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## samestar (Jan 4, 2010)

When I got married my wife was over 300 pounds. Now she's less than 200 and still losing weight. Her goal is to be "healthy" so how much she loses is my total loss!


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## Tad (Jan 4, 2010)

Interesting question/poll, Rainy!

Depending on when you figure the committed part happened I could answer five or six I guess. When is started dating my wife it was with no intent than to go on a few dates so I didnt worry that she was a lot smaller than what I found most interesting. Which ended up not mattering to the whole falling in love process. By the time we got married she was at least close to the lower end of what Id call my preferred range, and I anticipated that shed keep on gaining for some time due to the same mix of reasons that shed gained up until then. She didnt gain much more, as the lower end of my preferred range ended up being beyond the highest end of her comfort zone by a bit, so she made all sorts of changes to stop gaining and then lose some weight to get back into her comfort zone.

At times do I wish Id found someone whose comfort zoneeither what she wanted or what she was used to and content enough not to changeoverlapped my preferences more? Sure. But it is a pretty rare feeling. The person is ever so much more than the body, and we connected in so many ways that Ive never done with anyone else (family, friends, romance), that really I think Id have been foolish to hold out for that physical ideal when I had someone who was ideal with me in so many other ways. At that, Ive always been attracted to her, it is just that shes not tended to hit some my fat related hot buttons the way that someone larger may have done.


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