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  1. F

    Why does major weight loss in partner seem so traumatic? (long)

    Gawd, I think you are right about that. Some have said this thing invalidates my world view, which is true, but I have know in my heart that the thing which is the most hurtful is that her desire to look better (which is the real MOTIVE behind it - her medical concerns may be 100% legitimate...
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    Why does major weight loss in partner seem so traumatic? (long)

    Ack! Ouch!!!! Ok, LOVEBHMS, you get the prize for most insightful answer on the root of the pain. I won't say you found THE root - as if there were only ONE - but I think you have, with tremendous insight, found a very deep root and the one that is most impinging on a raw nerve. What you...
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    Why does major weight loss in partner seem so traumatic? (long)

    I want to thank everyone so much for the responses to my post. I know it's not over yet - it's only just begun - but I have felt so much better in the past few days. And a HUGE part of that is due to the help I have received from everyone here. Every response - and I mean EVERY response...
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    Why does major weight loss in partner seem so traumatic? (long)

    Well, we both knew that it was both high and higher b/c of dr. office anxiety. We knew b/c every reading at the dr. office, taken at later and later time intervals, was lower. And we know that at home it was consistently lower - still high end of normal - but closer to the later readings at...
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    Why does major weight loss in partner seem so traumatic? (long)

    Thanks again, AnnMarie. I tried to make that so very clear. It's not just about sex and it's not about getting her to change her mind (too late anyway) or behave differently. It's about me understanding why this is so devastating to me, and helping her understand that too so that she knows...
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    Why does major weight loss in partner seem so traumatic? (long)

    Just one quick thought for everyone who has suggested counseling. I seriously doubt the ability of a counselor to tease out what's really going on and offer anything useful. AnnMarie said in one sentence more than a non-DIM person could have come up with in months. I'm an IT...
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    Why does major weight loss in partner seem so traumatic? (long)

    AnnMarie, you are wonderful and from what you've said I believe you really do understand. That's exactly it! You hit the nail on the head. I don't think it could have been said so concisely, yet so accurately, in any other way. I knew I was in mourning, and I've looked into how people...
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    Why does major weight loss in partner seem so traumatic? (long)

    You are correct. She did take my feelings into account for a long time and tried to satisfy my preferences. And that could be why this seems like such a shock - because she has always taken my feelings into account, and suddenly she is doing this thing which is no longer any kind of...
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    Why does major weight loss in partner seem so traumatic? (long)

    Thanks for the sympathy. She does sometimes imply that I'm being selfish or superficial, or that I'm not caring about her health, but I think she is just trying to justify her actions to me. A bit too much protesting, saying things which could be taken as hurtful, but I'll take it to mean that...
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    Why does major weight loss in partner seem so traumatic? (long)

    Yep, I was starting to worry a bit. Ok, sure, I'll elaborate. I thought there was way too much in my original post, even though I tried to keep as brief as possible. Yes, we talked about it extensively, from about 3 months into our relationship (we got married after 2 years), and often...
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    Why does major weight loss in partner seem so traumatic? (long)

    Hi everyone. I'm a LONG time lurker here at Dim. I know that others have shared stories of their SO going on a diet and the anxiety it generates. I am in a situation where my BBW wife of 18 years decided very suddenly to have WLS. She's known I'm an FA, and the depth of FAness to who I...
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