I caught up with some of my long-time lesbian acquaintances in Singapore over the weekend and naturally, I asked how my old friends were doing.
I was rather disturbed by what I heard, even though it was really none of my business. It turned out that X and Y, two somewhat notorious, chubby (by Asian standards) stone butches who have always acted all tough and prided themselves on their masculinity both lost a great deal of weight (not through WLS as far as I know). As they did so, they became increasingly feminine in terms of dress sense and mannerism. They started identifying as lesbian femmes who went out with butches before moving on to dating men exclusively. X is now engaged to a man, Y is married with kids and they have both renounced their queer past. It could well be true love, or that they realised their true sexual orientation, or a cover-up in a conservative, traditional society, or an attempt to maintain family peace (people are obsessed with filial piety and blind respect for elders here so this is not uncommon) but I am skeptical.
My acquaintances then told me that this is not entirely uncommon, citing a few others I don't know who have done the same. Two of my acquaintances (who are rather cute chubby butches themselves and more importantly, seemingly confident, successful women in their 30s who have been out for a long time) admitted that they might be tempted to do the same IF they manage to lose the weight, since there aren't many butches and far less men who will give them a second look if they are fat femmes. They also feel that identifying as a butch here severely limits their options, since old-school butch/femme is now condemned as "too hetero" and the femmes here are mostly interested in dating "andros", "no labels" and other femmes, but my acquaintances can't "pull off" anything else but "butch" because of their weight. It was so depressing but I could not convince them otherwise. Even if they could afford to and want to move to a country where their size (approximately 140-170 lbs) is common and acceptable, from what I hear, it seems that butches are out of luck in lesbian communities elsewhere too.
My acquaintances do know about my preferences, but I am the first one they have met in so many years. Even then, they were skeptical and tended to dismiss it as my sadistic Domme side liking and feeling less guilt about the idea of a huge towering meatwall that can handle all my strength and more. As a femme and an FA who enjoys bigger butches, this makes me really sad. Funny thing is, one can probably look as butch as they want as long as they don't bind and identify themselves as andro instead of butch, and it seems that more women will fall into their lap. At least, it applies in Southeast Asia and London.
Okay, questions. Are butches, particularly stone butches still welcome in your community? What are the trends if there are any? Do you think it is more acceptable for a butch to be fat, like how it is more acceptable for men to be fat? Do you know people like X and Y?
Those of you who identify as more masculine, have you felt that you had to repress desire for another butch or even a man (something that still rare and extremely taboo here) because of your perceived masculinity or your size? Do you feel that your size is related to your butchness? Have you ever felt compelled to change?
Thanks for listening!
I was rather disturbed by what I heard, even though it was really none of my business. It turned out that X and Y, two somewhat notorious, chubby (by Asian standards) stone butches who have always acted all tough and prided themselves on their masculinity both lost a great deal of weight (not through WLS as far as I know). As they did so, they became increasingly feminine in terms of dress sense and mannerism. They started identifying as lesbian femmes who went out with butches before moving on to dating men exclusively. X is now engaged to a man, Y is married with kids and they have both renounced their queer past. It could well be true love, or that they realised their true sexual orientation, or a cover-up in a conservative, traditional society, or an attempt to maintain family peace (people are obsessed with filial piety and blind respect for elders here so this is not uncommon) but I am skeptical.
My acquaintances then told me that this is not entirely uncommon, citing a few others I don't know who have done the same. Two of my acquaintances (who are rather cute chubby butches themselves and more importantly, seemingly confident, successful women in their 30s who have been out for a long time) admitted that they might be tempted to do the same IF they manage to lose the weight, since there aren't many butches and far less men who will give them a second look if they are fat femmes. They also feel that identifying as a butch here severely limits their options, since old-school butch/femme is now condemned as "too hetero" and the femmes here are mostly interested in dating "andros", "no labels" and other femmes, but my acquaintances can't "pull off" anything else but "butch" because of their weight. It was so depressing but I could not convince them otherwise. Even if they could afford to and want to move to a country where their size (approximately 140-170 lbs) is common and acceptable, from what I hear, it seems that butches are out of luck in lesbian communities elsewhere too.
My acquaintances do know about my preferences, but I am the first one they have met in so many years. Even then, they were skeptical and tended to dismiss it as my sadistic Domme side liking and feeling less guilt about the idea of a huge towering meatwall that can handle all my strength and more. As a femme and an FA who enjoys bigger butches, this makes me really sad. Funny thing is, one can probably look as butch as they want as long as they don't bind and identify themselves as andro instead of butch, and it seems that more women will fall into their lap. At least, it applies in Southeast Asia and London.
Okay, questions. Are butches, particularly stone butches still welcome in your community? What are the trends if there are any? Do you think it is more acceptable for a butch to be fat, like how it is more acceptable for men to be fat? Do you know people like X and Y?
Those of you who identify as more masculine, have you felt that you had to repress desire for another butch or even a man (something that still rare and extremely taboo here) because of your perceived masculinity or your size? Do you feel that your size is related to your butchness? Have you ever felt compelled to change?
Thanks for listening!
