I don't know if any of you other BBW/SSBBW have had this experience, or something similar; but I didn't realize what a profound effect it would have on me to go to a wedding where the bride was a SSBBW. So, I just wanted to share this recent story.
I didn't know the woman at all, but the groom and I had hung out quite frequently for a while; we had been friends. He was a really great guy - kind, funny, very intelligent, educated, open, helpful, and easy to be around. And good-looking in a quirky, unconventional way (at least to me). Then one day when he and I were hanging out playing music in the park, he said that he had met a girl - and that she didn't speak English very well, but was very sweet and he really liked her. In my head I was picturing a tiny, fragile woman. And it kind of bummed me out, because I had developed a little crush on him. So he started dating that girl, and I stopped hanging out with him.
Fast forward quite a while, and I get an email from him saying that he's getting married to the girl and wants me to come to the wedding. I normally wouldn't have, since I hadn't really kept in touch with him, but I had been seeing his picture pop-up in facebook in the "people you may know" area, and in the picture he was sitting with what appeared to be a fat woman (at least from what I could tell in the tiny thumbnail). And there was part of me that really wanted to see the woman he ended up with, and was especially intrigued because she appeared to be a BBW.
The day of the wedding I put on my new dress, and picked up my friend who went with me. When I saw the bride, she looked very beautiful. It was funny because when a guy chooses a woman, I usually assume that she's smaller. But this woman was at least 100 lbs heavier than me. It kind of f-ed with my assumptions, but in a good way. Then she was sweating a lot throughout the ceremony. I mean, it was a really hot day, and she was seriously sweating (which, in my experience, is not uncommon for a lot of us big girls). And I was amazed and touched by how un-phased her groom was by all of the sweating, etc. There was even a part of the service where they had to kneel for a prayer, and he touched her back so tenderly and helped her kneel down, because she was having trouble. It really moved me.
Seeing a SSBBW bride, and mostly seeing how loved and cared for she was by her groom, opened my mind to new possibilities. I mean, it's not like before this I had no idea that fat women could be loved -- I had read plenty of accounts (mostly online) of all kinds of fat women who had wonderful husbands/bfs/gfs/lovers who adored them -- but it's one thing to hear/read about it, and another thing to see it first-hand. And it's even another thing to see some of the (what I had always assumed to be) "drawbacks" about dating a fat-girl actually present during the ceremony - and the graceful, loving way with which they were accepted.
I guess that even with all my years of exposure to the whole FA/Size Acceptance stuff, deep down I still kind of thought that some of the things that go along with being a fat woman are things that are begrudgingly "put up with" by their partners. Yeah, it's a totally jacked up viewpoint, and I didn't even realize I had it until I was confronted with an experience that shattered that paradigm.
Until then I really thought I was totally size-positive, and would have said that absolutely I believed fat women could be loved and get married (if they so chose to do so). In fact, I was a strong advocate for that reality all over the place. It was one of those things that I didn't know I thought was impossible, until I saw in person that it indeed *was* possible, and then realized that part of me hadn't actually been convinced about the possibility. It's like if someone is told about the possibility of air travel, but has never actually seen a plane flying, met anyone who's actually flown, or flown herself. Maybe she's seen pictures and read stories about planes, but when she actually sees one flying, it's like....oh my gosh, it really CAN happen! WHOA! Flying!
Anyway, it was an encouraging and mind altering experience, and I just wanted to share it here. I'm sure some of you see this kind of thing all the time, but I really don't, so it was pretty cool.
I didn't know the woman at all, but the groom and I had hung out quite frequently for a while; we had been friends. He was a really great guy - kind, funny, very intelligent, educated, open, helpful, and easy to be around. And good-looking in a quirky, unconventional way (at least to me). Then one day when he and I were hanging out playing music in the park, he said that he had met a girl - and that she didn't speak English very well, but was very sweet and he really liked her. In my head I was picturing a tiny, fragile woman. And it kind of bummed me out, because I had developed a little crush on him. So he started dating that girl, and I stopped hanging out with him.
Fast forward quite a while, and I get an email from him saying that he's getting married to the girl and wants me to come to the wedding. I normally wouldn't have, since I hadn't really kept in touch with him, but I had been seeing his picture pop-up in facebook in the "people you may know" area, and in the picture he was sitting with what appeared to be a fat woman (at least from what I could tell in the tiny thumbnail). And there was part of me that really wanted to see the woman he ended up with, and was especially intrigued because she appeared to be a BBW.
The day of the wedding I put on my new dress, and picked up my friend who went with me. When I saw the bride, she looked very beautiful. It was funny because when a guy chooses a woman, I usually assume that she's smaller. But this woman was at least 100 lbs heavier than me. It kind of f-ed with my assumptions, but in a good way. Then she was sweating a lot throughout the ceremony. I mean, it was a really hot day, and she was seriously sweating (which, in my experience, is not uncommon for a lot of us big girls). And I was amazed and touched by how un-phased her groom was by all of the sweating, etc. There was even a part of the service where they had to kneel for a prayer, and he touched her back so tenderly and helped her kneel down, because she was having trouble. It really moved me.
Seeing a SSBBW bride, and mostly seeing how loved and cared for she was by her groom, opened my mind to new possibilities. I mean, it's not like before this I had no idea that fat women could be loved -- I had read plenty of accounts (mostly online) of all kinds of fat women who had wonderful husbands/bfs/gfs/lovers who adored them -- but it's one thing to hear/read about it, and another thing to see it first-hand. And it's even another thing to see some of the (what I had always assumed to be) "drawbacks" about dating a fat-girl actually present during the ceremony - and the graceful, loving way with which they were accepted.
I guess that even with all my years of exposure to the whole FA/Size Acceptance stuff, deep down I still kind of thought that some of the things that go along with being a fat woman are things that are begrudgingly "put up with" by their partners. Yeah, it's a totally jacked up viewpoint, and I didn't even realize I had it until I was confronted with an experience that shattered that paradigm.
Until then I really thought I was totally size-positive, and would have said that absolutely I believed fat women could be loved and get married (if they so chose to do so). In fact, I was a strong advocate for that reality all over the place. It was one of those things that I didn't know I thought was impossible, until I saw in person that it indeed *was* possible, and then realized that part of me hadn't actually been convinced about the possibility. It's like if someone is told about the possibility of air travel, but has never actually seen a plane flying, met anyone who's actually flown, or flown herself. Maybe she's seen pictures and read stories about planes, but when she actually sees one flying, it's like....oh my gosh, it really CAN happen! WHOA! Flying!
Anyway, it was an encouraging and mind altering experience, and I just wanted to share it here. I'm sure some of you see this kind of thing all the time, but I really don't, so it was pretty cool.
