Sometimes the causes of your abandonment issues are painfully obvious. But even if you weren't literally abandoned, fear of abandonment is said to be the first fear of all infants.
And then there is life itself:
"Life is full of orphaning experiences, and some
people have more than their share of them. Many
orphans live in what appear to be intact families,
but the children are not cherished, nurtured, or
guided and do not feel emotionally or physically
safe." Carol S. Pearson, Awakening the Heroes Within
Even with the best caregivers--you can have abandonment issues.
Did your parents or caregivers have any problems? Usually, they were doing their best while their unmet needs, pressing problems, and unresolved emotions created tension and lack of presence.
You as a child absorbed their stressful feelings. You were like a "deer in the headlights". You couldn't think or explain, understand or express, or ask for what you needed.
Most likely, your caregivers were not able to meet your needs and give you the security and reassurance you needed. They couldn't help it, they didn't mean it, and they didn't know it was happening.
Love and fear and unmet needs blend together and create biochemical stress patterns.
"Researchers are convinced that endorphin
biochemicals are responsible for feelings
of euphoria, exhilaration, joy, happiness
and pleasure.
Unhappy experiences also stimulate the
production of endorphins, which bring relief
from pain and help you handle stressful
situations. Endorphins are a natural pain
killer--hundreds of times more powerful
than morphine.
Unfortunately, these endorphins may bond
you to stressful experiences. For example,
children who experienced violence, which
activated pain-relief endrphins, may be
addicted to violence as their only way to
activate the endorphin pain-relief "high".
Endorphins are closely connected to memory,
playing a significant role in both the formation
and retention of memory."
Chloe Wordsworth, Founder of Resonance Repatterning
We bond with stress hormones along with (or instead of) love and safety. These conflicting feelings give rise to self-doubt, guilt, insecurity.
You may unconsciously equate love with feeling insecure.
You may find yourself attracted to "unavailable" people.
Losses, disconnections and disappointments re-ignite your fear.
Insecurity and fear of being hurt, of being left, of needs going unmet, sabotage your relationships.
Have you ever felt that you are over-reactive?
When stress hormones run rampant, you are overwhelmed with grief and loss that feel like rejection and betrayal.
You live in nagging inner conflict, there is no closure, and you feel unjustly dismissed.
You turn the rage against yourself.
There "must be something wrong with you".
You blame your inadequacies.
You abandon yourself.
You look outside yourself for approval. Others, whether they be parent, partner, boss, society, or friends, are all-powerful to your emotional well-being.
In a word, you are the victim of your abandonment issues.
Unconsciously triggered stress hormones keep you locked in fear of abandonment. Unresolved wounds accumulate anxiety, low self-esteem, insecurity, painful relationships, grief, and isolation.
"Whoa there! Wait just minute," you say..."what is the point of all this?"
Well, the truth is, most of us have a hurt and abandoned inner child. Abandonment issues have their roots in the experience and reality of life.
The TRUTH IS...we DENY this part of ourselves. It isn't pretty. No one wants to sound like a victim. But since denial and suppression are not growth (and life insists on growth), symptoms appear. Symptoms like depression.
Without the personal strength, and the help we need to face our abandonment issues, they keep reappearing, forcing us to deal with them.
Or not...
Have you ever thought that your abandonment issues, your depression, your life, are a call to growth, to a new reality, to a new inner strength, to a new life?
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Abandonment_Issues_Leaving_You_Depressed.html
