I am not sure if this is the best place to post this... if not perhaps one of the admins could tell me where to move it.
This is the first time I've posted on the new forums, so before I start, hello everyone!
Here goes (I apologize in advance if this is long):
This is the first time being a FA has caused me serious life issues which I do not know how to resolve and do not know where to turn for help. I hope that some of you might be able to offer advice or suggestions, because I'm not afraid to admit that this has been really kicking my ass, sucking the joy out of life, and causing me a serious bout of depression that makes it hard to even get out of bed some days.
About two years ago, I met a girl who I thought was extremely beautiful and exactly "my type." We started talking and hit it off pretty well and she suggested maybe I should take her out sometime. I wasn't sure if this was the best idea, because she was not fat. Her body type is voluptuous and she has alit of meat on her bones but she is not overweight. We kissed once but it was kind of a drunk/awkward mess.
I think my hesitation was a turn-off to her but we remained close friends. Over the last year and a half we became the closest people in each other's lives and pretty much acted like we were dating without hooking up. We laughed together, went out to dinner, and shared our deepest fears and secrets (aside from me liking fat women). I've never felt that comfortable with a woman before. Issues of attraction etc. started going out the window and the lines were blurred as we began cuddling together, sleeping in the same bed and speaking about sexual things. Our jokes grew very flirtatious.
During that time strange things happened and I dated her friend for awhile and she dated my friend for awhile. I was slated to leave the country for 6 months and directly before, brought up the prospect of "us." She said she just didn't feel that way about me. I was hurt, confused and dejected because her actions clearly stated otherwise and she had told me in the past that she thinks I am very good looking.
I decided to move on and forget my feelings. I had a great time abroad, but talked to her almost every day still. One night she confessed to me that she loved me. I didn't know how to take that and when I arrived back home we continued not to speak of it but acted as if we were dating without hooking up.
In hindsight, I can now see that both of us assumed we would get married one day and were afraid to start things until the time was right and we were both ready.
One night, alcohol was involved and she kissed me. It was long and deep and passionate, the best kiss I've ever had. She told me she loved me and it was foolish not to date. Then, shortly afterwards she ended up hooking up with someone else within my view.
That was devastating.
Then she told me the next day that she doesn't feel romantically towards me. I know she made a mistake and for a long time after that we didn't speak. It seems things will never be the same.
The fundamental problem lies with my being a FA. She is an extremely sexual person and has a sexual appetite I haven't seen parallelled in a woman. So for a relationship to work she'd need a very active and satisfying sex life. I'm sure fantasy and role play would factor heavily into that.
I know she senses my sexual issues. And I know that's what caused her to behave in the way she did. She wants so badly to be attracted to me, she loves me, but cannot feel attracted until she senses that I have put my issues behind me and genuinely want to have sex with her (in some ways, I really, really do want to).
What I need to know is this: can I actually have an active and heathly sex life with a woman who isn't fat? Can love compensate for innate preferences(because she is the only woman I have ever loved despite a long line of exs)?
What I need is not a clique, "love conquers all," statement. I need the honest truth.
Have you any of you FAs ever dated thinner women. How did it work out?
Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions. I really appreciate your help with overcoming the most difficult time I've faced yet in my life.
This is the first time I've posted on the new forums, so before I start, hello everyone!
Here goes (I apologize in advance if this is long):
This is the first time being a FA has caused me serious life issues which I do not know how to resolve and do not know where to turn for help. I hope that some of you might be able to offer advice or suggestions, because I'm not afraid to admit that this has been really kicking my ass, sucking the joy out of life, and causing me a serious bout of depression that makes it hard to even get out of bed some days.
About two years ago, I met a girl who I thought was extremely beautiful and exactly "my type." We started talking and hit it off pretty well and she suggested maybe I should take her out sometime. I wasn't sure if this was the best idea, because she was not fat. Her body type is voluptuous and she has alit of meat on her bones but she is not overweight. We kissed once but it was kind of a drunk/awkward mess.
I think my hesitation was a turn-off to her but we remained close friends. Over the last year and a half we became the closest people in each other's lives and pretty much acted like we were dating without hooking up. We laughed together, went out to dinner, and shared our deepest fears and secrets (aside from me liking fat women). I've never felt that comfortable with a woman before. Issues of attraction etc. started going out the window and the lines were blurred as we began cuddling together, sleeping in the same bed and speaking about sexual things. Our jokes grew very flirtatious.
During that time strange things happened and I dated her friend for awhile and she dated my friend for awhile. I was slated to leave the country for 6 months and directly before, brought up the prospect of "us." She said she just didn't feel that way about me. I was hurt, confused and dejected because her actions clearly stated otherwise and she had told me in the past that she thinks I am very good looking.
I decided to move on and forget my feelings. I had a great time abroad, but talked to her almost every day still. One night she confessed to me that she loved me. I didn't know how to take that and when I arrived back home we continued not to speak of it but acted as if we were dating without hooking up.
In hindsight, I can now see that both of us assumed we would get married one day and were afraid to start things until the time was right and we were both ready.
One night, alcohol was involved and she kissed me. It was long and deep and passionate, the best kiss I've ever had. She told me she loved me and it was foolish not to date. Then, shortly afterwards she ended up hooking up with someone else within my view.
That was devastating.
Then she told me the next day that she doesn't feel romantically towards me. I know she made a mistake and for a long time after that we didn't speak. It seems things will never be the same.
The fundamental problem lies with my being a FA. She is an extremely sexual person and has a sexual appetite I haven't seen parallelled in a woman. So for a relationship to work she'd need a very active and satisfying sex life. I'm sure fantasy and role play would factor heavily into that.
I know she senses my sexual issues. And I know that's what caused her to behave in the way she did. She wants so badly to be attracted to me, she loves me, but cannot feel attracted until she senses that I have put my issues behind me and genuinely want to have sex with her (in some ways, I really, really do want to).
What I need to know is this: can I actually have an active and heathly sex life with a woman who isn't fat? Can love compensate for innate preferences(because she is the only woman I have ever loved despite a long line of exs)?
What I need is not a clique, "love conquers all," statement. I need the honest truth.
Have you any of you FAs ever dated thinner women. How did it work out?
Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions. I really appreciate your help with overcoming the most difficult time I've faced yet in my life.
