I am a young guy of 21 and I have a serious problem with myself lately which is starting to affect our relationship And being a quiet observer of dimensions for a long time I feel different to other FA's
First, I would like to add that this is the first time I have spoken out in this site and I am feeling nervous, so here goes
For many years I have struggled with the realisation that I am attracted to fat women. Apparently FAism doesent run in the family - being brought up with anti-fatists (sorry im am making up words) I have been left with a deep self conciousness about my sexuality. I have never told anyone (except my girlfriend once) about this and it remains a guilty pleasure that I only ever share with myself. For years I have prowled this site too shy to speak out or let anyone know i am here, desperatly looking for answers about myself or looking for someone who has the same problems. (of course I would admire all the sexy, beautiful women here also) The women here in dims were to me like a forbidden fruit, only allowed for fantasies (I apologize sincerely if I have offended any one by this) and embarrased and ashamed of myself I vowed not to endulge in my fantassies any further.
Then one day an old friend of mine called me on the phone to my great surprise. She was a girl who went to school with who was very beautiful. Back then she was the perfect pear. She had a wide bottom and very large thighs. her body curved gloriosly into a tight middle, before bursting out again in the breast area. I had spent my school life admiring here sensational curves. she would have been about 15 then and weigh about 160 pounds. Well this girl was now on the phone to me and we made a friendship instantly. We had this amazing spark between us that made my legs turn to jelly. Soon we were in love and I found myself becoming less afraid of my sexuality. I became so happy because I finally got it off my shoulders - it was such a relief. when I met her I realised the years had changed her a bit.
She now was starting to develop a belly and she weighed about 200 pounds now I did like this belly and we made passionate love everynight and fell deeply in love. I had overcome a massive hurdle in my life and I now embraced my sexuality. however, she also started to embrace her size. I must have had a major impact on her self esteem and she was growing comfortable with being big she then started to put on more weight.
This is about 6 - 7 months in our relationship. (This is where i am an asshole and feel free to say so) befor we knew it she was 250 pounds. this increase in weight was enough for my confidence to lose its balance and I started to lose confidence. I started felling terrible feelings like being embarrased for having a fat girlfriend. I felt aweful I knew just howe unfair I was being to her but I couldn't help it. She is a stunning girl, and has the perfect body shape. Yet other times I cant bear to think about her weght. Obviosly this has affected our relationship. She knows I am less attracted to her now but doesent want to turn back. I am just so confused sometimes I think she is stunningly beautiful. But sometimes my confidence takes over. I guess I don't want to be seen as a "chubby chasser" Am I an asshole? I bet alot of you will think that, and probably all I will gain from this is alot of hatred I just wonder if anyone else has simmilar feelings.
Thanks to anyone who listened to my story.
First, I would like to add that this is the first time I have spoken out in this site and I am feeling nervous, so here goes
For many years I have struggled with the realisation that I am attracted to fat women. Apparently FAism doesent run in the family - being brought up with anti-fatists (sorry im am making up words) I have been left with a deep self conciousness about my sexuality. I have never told anyone (except my girlfriend once) about this and it remains a guilty pleasure that I only ever share with myself. For years I have prowled this site too shy to speak out or let anyone know i am here, desperatly looking for answers about myself or looking for someone who has the same problems. (of course I would admire all the sexy, beautiful women here also) The women here in dims were to me like a forbidden fruit, only allowed for fantasies (I apologize sincerely if I have offended any one by this) and embarrased and ashamed of myself I vowed not to endulge in my fantassies any further.
Then one day an old friend of mine called me on the phone to my great surprise. She was a girl who went to school with who was very beautiful. Back then she was the perfect pear. She had a wide bottom and very large thighs. her body curved gloriosly into a tight middle, before bursting out again in the breast area. I had spent my school life admiring here sensational curves. she would have been about 15 then and weigh about 160 pounds. Well this girl was now on the phone to me and we made a friendship instantly. We had this amazing spark between us that made my legs turn to jelly. Soon we were in love and I found myself becoming less afraid of my sexuality. I became so happy because I finally got it off my shoulders - it was such a relief. when I met her I realised the years had changed her a bit.
She now was starting to develop a belly and she weighed about 200 pounds now I did like this belly and we made passionate love everynight and fell deeply in love. I had overcome a massive hurdle in my life and I now embraced my sexuality. however, she also started to embrace her size. I must have had a major impact on her self esteem and she was growing comfortable with being big she then started to put on more weight.
This is about 6 - 7 months in our relationship. (This is where i am an asshole and feel free to say so) befor we knew it she was 250 pounds. this increase in weight was enough for my confidence to lose its balance and I started to lose confidence. I started felling terrible feelings like being embarrased for having a fat girlfriend. I felt aweful I knew just howe unfair I was being to her but I couldn't help it. She is a stunning girl, and has the perfect body shape. Yet other times I cant bear to think about her weght. Obviosly this has affected our relationship. She knows I am less attracted to her now but doesent want to turn back. I am just so confused sometimes I think she is stunningly beautiful. But sometimes my confidence takes over. I guess I don't want to be seen as a "chubby chasser" Am I an asshole? I bet alot of you will think that, and probably all I will gain from this is alot of hatred I just wonder if anyone else has simmilar feelings.
Thanks to anyone who listened to my story.
