BigWarmMan
Well-Known Member
I'm not sure what's going on with me and my wife. She says she's not an FFA, and I'd be surprised if she ever heard of feederism (I just learned these terms this week), but when I hurt my knee and had to stop running a couple of months ago, she went into a pre-Christmas baking frenzy and insisted I become her taste-tester. We've been married a long time, but she's never been so pushy about food. I've put on just over 3 stone in two months, and experienced a bunch of totally unexpected, mind-blowing changes that have played havoc with my mental state and model of the world.
Specifically, I started to like it. I thought at first it was just the extra attention I was getting from my wife. Sex was better and more frequent, etc. Then I thought it was just the unaccustomed flood of calories overwhelming my system, producing some sort of weird sedative effect. I don't mean food-coma. I mean an abiding state of well-being. I discovered I had been living with chronic pain, because it disappeared for the first time-- which was truly an astounding revelation that I think sent me off the rails a bit. It colored my perceptions, making life seem a surprisingly more pleasant experience. I think I became easier to get along with-- more content and relaxed. I also became hornier! My sex-drive returned to adolescent levels-- which, again, I attributed to a surfeit of calories and extra attention from my wife.
One night recently, I was whingeing about my now, quite noticeable, avoirdupois. My wife pinched my new love-handles and whispered "I love your fat, baby." I almost passed out from arousal.
After that, I kind of lost my mind for awhile. I decided I loved getting fatter and opened the flood gates on all my appetites. The sex was mind-blowing-- and the food. I ate everything offered and more, eating purely for pleasure and excitement.
We were having so much fun. It really seemed the fatter I got, the more fun we had and the better I felt. I began tracking my calories-- an old habit re-purposed for new, pervy reasons-- and was both thrilled and terrified that I was eating more than 7,000 kcal/day-- as much as I used to eat in a week!
It was all so intense and weird, that I started to worry, despite the fun. I went online to try to find out if what was happening to me-- to us-- had any precedent. If there was some extreme fringe of human sexuality that resembled this, the internet would have it, I guessed.
Which is how I discovered Dimensions Forums. I spent some time on the FFA-BHM board, because I suspected (and still do) that my wife not only likes me better fat-- but may have, subconsciously, engineered my explosive transformation. She denies this, but admits she may have accidentally started it and contributed to it along the way.
The members over at FFA_BHM are very dear-- and have been of great help-- but Julie D and some others suggested that I belonged more over on the Weight Gain Forum. I don't know, but I think perhaps they recognized me as a potential feedee personality. After lurking over here a bit, I'm a little disturbed to think that may be true-- at least in part. Although I have to admit being a bit freaked out by talk of immobility, super-sizing and tube-feeding, I definitely recognize that I've been exhibiting feedee tendencies for several weeks now.
These tendencies scare me. My own more than my wife's. I'm rehashing all this because I'm still very keen for community with, and guidance from other people with similar experiences. I really hope I find that here, because I'm full of questions-- but I'm also boring myself with my own recap and I'm tired of searching! Have I come to the right place, do you think?
Specifically, I started to like it. I thought at first it was just the extra attention I was getting from my wife. Sex was better and more frequent, etc. Then I thought it was just the unaccustomed flood of calories overwhelming my system, producing some sort of weird sedative effect. I don't mean food-coma. I mean an abiding state of well-being. I discovered I had been living with chronic pain, because it disappeared for the first time-- which was truly an astounding revelation that I think sent me off the rails a bit. It colored my perceptions, making life seem a surprisingly more pleasant experience. I think I became easier to get along with-- more content and relaxed. I also became hornier! My sex-drive returned to adolescent levels-- which, again, I attributed to a surfeit of calories and extra attention from my wife.
One night recently, I was whingeing about my now, quite noticeable, avoirdupois. My wife pinched my new love-handles and whispered "I love your fat, baby." I almost passed out from arousal.
After that, I kind of lost my mind for awhile. I decided I loved getting fatter and opened the flood gates on all my appetites. The sex was mind-blowing-- and the food. I ate everything offered and more, eating purely for pleasure and excitement.
We were having so much fun. It really seemed the fatter I got, the more fun we had and the better I felt. I began tracking my calories-- an old habit re-purposed for new, pervy reasons-- and was both thrilled and terrified that I was eating more than 7,000 kcal/day-- as much as I used to eat in a week!
It was all so intense and weird, that I started to worry, despite the fun. I went online to try to find out if what was happening to me-- to us-- had any precedent. If there was some extreme fringe of human sexuality that resembled this, the internet would have it, I guessed.
Which is how I discovered Dimensions Forums. I spent some time on the FFA-BHM board, because I suspected (and still do) that my wife not only likes me better fat-- but may have, subconsciously, engineered my explosive transformation. She denies this, but admits she may have accidentally started it and contributed to it along the way.
The members over at FFA_BHM are very dear-- and have been of great help-- but Julie D and some others suggested that I belonged more over on the Weight Gain Forum. I don't know, but I think perhaps they recognized me as a potential feedee personality. After lurking over here a bit, I'm a little disturbed to think that may be true-- at least in part. Although I have to admit being a bit freaked out by talk of immobility, super-sizing and tube-feeding, I definitely recognize that I've been exhibiting feedee tendencies for several weeks now.
These tendencies scare me. My own more than my wife's. I'm rehashing all this because I'm still very keen for community with, and guidance from other people with similar experiences. I really hope I find that here, because I'm full of questions-- but I'm also boring myself with my own recap and I'm tired of searching! Have I come to the right place, do you think?
