Anguisette
Well-Known Member
I have to wait until Friday to find out if I made the lottery for a new study that may very well keep me alive. (New breakthrough treatment for PF and I am in for a chance at the latest round of treatments.)
So I have told my immediate family I will need a break this week. Had to come off some of the meds that help me feel more normal, so I am kind of icky. It doesn't help that this gigantic moment is hanging over me waiting. Magic wand or sledge hammer? Won't know til Friday.
Sunday my mother had the family over for her birthday. My sister in law and I do NOT speak because she is evil and spreads hate and misery everywhere she goes... and the person she hates most is me. Which is actually fine, I just ignore her.
So the whole "I need space" thing apparently didn't compute. My mother played the birthday card and asked me to run an errand even though she knew I was having some health issues that made that an inconvenience. I did it. She then asked me to cook dinner for everyone. Standing at the stove was not fun, but I did it. She asked me to make something "special" for the hose-beast. Starting to get pissed, but I did it. Then she wants to get by me at the stove and KNOWS I am deaf in one ear and can't hear her coming. Does she say "excuse me?" No, she pushes herself between me and the counter and shoves me into the hot stove.
So I put the food on the table and left. Went to Target, the book store, got a chicken pot pie sandwich at KFC, and called my baby on the phone. (He was in Chicago all week.)
My brothers know I have an illness for which there is no cure. They know taking care of my parents is rough on me. They have NEVER once asked after my health and have no idea what is going on. If they know the seriousness they pretend not to... otherwise they don't care at all, and I dislike thinking about which of those is true.
For a few minutes Sunday I felt sorry for myself. Then Ahmed came home and got very angry on my behalf. Now I am really angry at myself for allowing her to manipulate me, and the rest of the family to sit back and watch.
It was out of character... yet I can't help but wonder why I allowed it. I know I am very depressed this week. I thought typing it all out would help but you know... I'm still just pissed and hurt.
