One last time I would like to reiterate my disclaimers as I stated in the prior parts:
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15198
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15242
The intentions of these posts are to assist people and any generalizations and assumptions about BHMs, women in general and such are made with the hopes of not offending anyone, but helping those in need.
***
So you've found a woman -- now what? Let's take a moment to look at the different types of women that a BHM is inclined to date:
The "female fat admirer" is of course the woman that all BHM would like to meet. There is nothing quite like finding a woman that will accept, love and lust after you for the big ball of man lovin' that you are. But, FFAs are few and far between and most don't carry the official glowing, neon name tags that I've so often requested! Keep in mind that FFAs are human like anyone else, and could run the range from SSBBW to stick thin, paragons of emotional maturity to one foot in the cuckoo's nest. Indicators for a FFA can include a tendency for her to touch and play with your belly and body, compliments of how good you look and not just your face, or maybe she'll just climb on top of you naked and start feeding you profuse amounts of chocolate and peanut butter cup ice cream!
Secondly, another typr id women that aren't attracted to a larger man but are attracted to you as a person for other reasons, such as your personality, mind, face or such. Many will just not care that you are heavy -- it's a non-factor. If this kind of woman isn't heavy herself or hasn't dated a bigger man in the past, she may run into times where you are inadvertently embarrassed, such as choosing a booth at a restaurant that you can't fit into, or other guys hitting on her right in front of you, assuming you aren't together. It falls to you to gentle explain these kinds of things when they come up and to not let your emotions get the better of you. You need to be strong.
The last kind of woman inclined to date a larger man are those that tolerate or even hate your size, but are interested in you for other reasons -- often if you have money, simply treat them better than often men they've been with, want to use you and are just misanthropic to some degree. You need to watch out for these types as there is no future with them at all.
Now, the key thing to remember about dating is that this is a means to get to know a woman, and her you, better and see if you are right for something more. A perfect first date does not mean you are destined to be together forever. Do not move too fast, as this is a way to both creeping out an otherwise ideal woman or missing the warning signs of a bad one. The first date should be viewed as a sort of dual interview and test of basic chemistry. Sometimes it can end up as a night or even weekend of torrid, earth shattering and mattress denting sex, but sex should never be your focus of a date. On the first date you should be working towards that first kiss and not pulling out your porn and vibrator collection.
I'll base this outline on the notion that you have acquired a phone number or email of a woman in whom you are interested. Sometimes the first "date" can effectively start from the same night you met the women, but I'll cover the basics throughout the process.
Time is the first consideration when you have the prized contact information. A phone number is a better sign, most of the time, than an email address, and the former indicates more interest and prospective trust. You shouldn't call a woman until at least the second afternoon after you get her number as coming off too eager usually isn't seen as attractive. Never call the same night! Keep the conversation friendly, light and confident. The goal is to talk more if that wasn't an option when you met and to set up a date. Make sure you use the term "date" as this will better screen out women that want you to take them out and spend time and money on them as "friends." Ask, "so would you like to go out on a date say this Friday night?" Never set a date for any earlier three days away and don't call to set a date, on a Friday or Saturday night.
With email, the intent is to get a phone number. If she is reluctant to talk on the phone, but only email or IM, then there may be something she's hiding like a boyfriend at home. If she just wants to see you again at where you met, the same is likely but see how it plays out. If after a couple emails or one chat session she hasn't given you her phone number, then move on.
One major mistake that many guys do is to go all out on the first date and spend a lot of money. This sets a difficult precedence for you to follow as many women will expect the same level of dates in the future. Even if you do end up together, you will often be expected to revisit that level of date again, or be held accountable for not doing so. Keep things light and easy and keep costs down to say no more that $50 for the first few dates (unless you are wealthy). If she is expecting expensive dates each and every time you go out together, then her interest might be only in the bulge in your back pocket. Save the expensive nights out on the town for later on.
I generally would recommend against a movie for the first couple of dates, as they are not conducive to talking. Clubs and bars are also difficult and can invite opportunities for other guys to pick up on your date. I spent one night many years ago watching my date making out and dancing with another guy she knew from a college class on our first and only date. I don't recommend it. Dinner and a walk is a great first dates, provided the meal is at a reasonable and fun place, this way you can enjoy each others company, take and have a reasonable degree of privacy.
Picking her up is a better sign than meeting her at a place, but don't read too much into it. Touch is important. Opening doors has grown somewhat passé, but do try to do this. Offer your hand for her to get out of the car, cab, seat, etc. Be a gentleman and touch her with your arm and hand across her lower back and note any reaction in her when walking to your seats or through doors. If she declines or reacts then you have your litmus test of her response to your touch.
During the date, remember to smile, make frequent eye contact, joke around a bit and be confident. If she isn't doing similar then you probably don't have anything together. Talk about your interests and listen to hers. If she talks about something that doesn't interest you, be polite, listen and try to find a way that you connect with it. If you are having to move the conversation along that is a red flag. If she is hogging up the conversation and talking mostly about herself, there's another red flag. Turn off your cell phone and don't take calls on it. If she takes a call, unless she's awaiting an organ transplant, that is generally a very bad sign and shows a lack of respect. Watch what she orders. If she goes for the most expensive things and orders a lot of pricey drinks, you are likely with a user. If she seems nervous but happy you have one hell of a good sign. Enough bad signs mean you should eat quickly, skip dessert and drinks and brings things to a close.
If all is going well and signs look good, a walk after the meal is a good time to talk but not be forced to stare at each other. There should still be a lot of eye contact, possibly touching. If she touches you on say the arm or such, in reaction to comments and jokes you make, that is excellent. Watch for smiles and hair flips. Note how close she is walking to you. If after a bit she seems open offer her your hand to hold, palm up and comfortably bent at the elbow so she can see it, and without a word. Another option is to offer her your arm instead, if she seems a bit more timid. If she doesn't take your hand or arm, note it and continue walking. Whatever you do, maintain an air of calm and confidence. You are worthy of love and affection, remember?
As I mentioned the goal of the first date is the kiss. This will tell you volumes about if any chemistry exists. In this day and age, if a woman won't kiss you at the end of the first date, it's probably not going to happen between you. You need to initiate this. After you've reached her door or her car or whatever, lean in. If she is still receptive, try bringing your hand up and gently touch her chin with your bent and curled in index finger. If you need to, try practicing this move (but not the kiss) with a receptive female friend. If she remains receptive tilt your head sideways, opposite to hers if she tilts, and kiss her gently on her lips for between one to three seconds. If she pulls back stop. If she turns her head so you kiss the corner of her lips or cheek, then comply and wish her goodnight. If she accepts the kiss. pull back to see if she is receptive to another or if she speaks. If at this point you are unsure say something like, "that was nice, may I have another?" If you start to kiss remember to let her escalate things first. Keep you tongue in your own mouth until she uses hers. If you do start to tongue kiss, be moderate and don't choke her with it. Be a bit playful, holding a kiss and then pulling away for just a moment. This little teasing can do much to entice her. Wrap your arms around her but don't grab the back of her head. Your arms should be on her hips, or possibly one gently on side of her face if she is receptive.
Judge the first kiss carefully afterward. If she kissed you back warmly, then there is probably chemistry between you two. If not, probably not. If you end up kissing for a while, let her set the pace. If she invites you in or back to her place, accept, but don't expect this. If there is chemistry, let her know you had a wonderful time with her and that you'd like to see her again. State that you will call her (and do so the day after the next or such). Don't try to set up the next date right then. Say goodnight, maybe with one more kiss, and walk away standing tall. After a good twenty feet or so take one (and only one) glance back at her to smile if she is still watching.
If there was no kiss, then there is likely not much chemistry. Thank her for a nice night (lie if you must and be polite) and wish her goodnight. Don't offer to call if you don't plan on it. If she gives you the "let's just be friends" speech, smile and be gracious. This is a lie too often told. Move on, maestro.
The second date should go much the same, though choose or agree upon a different restaurant and try to incorporate a different after meal activity that offers communication: carnivals, walks on the beach or around the town are still good. You are looking for more chemistry and possible intimacy to develop, but still not necessarily sex. If more develops, then the third is often the make it or break it date. If things are still progressing, and you are growing more physical, then things are good. This is a good date for a show or movie.
You are trying to build something here with her. I typically recommend only dating one woman at a time. You should be moving forward. If things stall or back off, then it may be time to re-evaluate things. Be honest, be strong and be confident. Don't rush things.
Sex, ah sex, well there are many sources to discus this, but a couple basic things to remember. No means no means NO! If the answer is yes, use a condom (always carry and use your own, and practice safer sex methods). Don't try to emulate what you've seen in porn -- this means no ass slapping or holding the back of her head during oral sex (unless this is what she enjoys and has stated so). Learn how to perform oral sex well and do it if she is willing. Learn how to touch a woman how she likes and needs. Focus on getting her to orgasm first and driving her into a passionate frenzy.
Be a man, be a lover. Have fun and get out there.
***
I sincerely hope this helps. I am considering writing a smaller dating guide for FFAs too!
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15198
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15242
The intentions of these posts are to assist people and any generalizations and assumptions about BHMs, women in general and such are made with the hopes of not offending anyone, but helping those in need.
***
So you've found a woman -- now what? Let's take a moment to look at the different types of women that a BHM is inclined to date:
The "female fat admirer" is of course the woman that all BHM would like to meet. There is nothing quite like finding a woman that will accept, love and lust after you for the big ball of man lovin' that you are. But, FFAs are few and far between and most don't carry the official glowing, neon name tags that I've so often requested! Keep in mind that FFAs are human like anyone else, and could run the range from SSBBW to stick thin, paragons of emotional maturity to one foot in the cuckoo's nest. Indicators for a FFA can include a tendency for her to touch and play with your belly and body, compliments of how good you look and not just your face, or maybe she'll just climb on top of you naked and start feeding you profuse amounts of chocolate and peanut butter cup ice cream!
Secondly, another typr id women that aren't attracted to a larger man but are attracted to you as a person for other reasons, such as your personality, mind, face or such. Many will just not care that you are heavy -- it's a non-factor. If this kind of woman isn't heavy herself or hasn't dated a bigger man in the past, she may run into times where you are inadvertently embarrassed, such as choosing a booth at a restaurant that you can't fit into, or other guys hitting on her right in front of you, assuming you aren't together. It falls to you to gentle explain these kinds of things when they come up and to not let your emotions get the better of you. You need to be strong.
The last kind of woman inclined to date a larger man are those that tolerate or even hate your size, but are interested in you for other reasons -- often if you have money, simply treat them better than often men they've been with, want to use you and are just misanthropic to some degree. You need to watch out for these types as there is no future with them at all.
Now, the key thing to remember about dating is that this is a means to get to know a woman, and her you, better and see if you are right for something more. A perfect first date does not mean you are destined to be together forever. Do not move too fast, as this is a way to both creeping out an otherwise ideal woman or missing the warning signs of a bad one. The first date should be viewed as a sort of dual interview and test of basic chemistry. Sometimes it can end up as a night or even weekend of torrid, earth shattering and mattress denting sex, but sex should never be your focus of a date. On the first date you should be working towards that first kiss and not pulling out your porn and vibrator collection.
I'll base this outline on the notion that you have acquired a phone number or email of a woman in whom you are interested. Sometimes the first "date" can effectively start from the same night you met the women, but I'll cover the basics throughout the process.
Time is the first consideration when you have the prized contact information. A phone number is a better sign, most of the time, than an email address, and the former indicates more interest and prospective trust. You shouldn't call a woman until at least the second afternoon after you get her number as coming off too eager usually isn't seen as attractive. Never call the same night! Keep the conversation friendly, light and confident. The goal is to talk more if that wasn't an option when you met and to set up a date. Make sure you use the term "date" as this will better screen out women that want you to take them out and spend time and money on them as "friends." Ask, "so would you like to go out on a date say this Friday night?" Never set a date for any earlier three days away and don't call to set a date, on a Friday or Saturday night.
With email, the intent is to get a phone number. If she is reluctant to talk on the phone, but only email or IM, then there may be something she's hiding like a boyfriend at home. If she just wants to see you again at where you met, the same is likely but see how it plays out. If after a couple emails or one chat session she hasn't given you her phone number, then move on.
One major mistake that many guys do is to go all out on the first date and spend a lot of money. This sets a difficult precedence for you to follow as many women will expect the same level of dates in the future. Even if you do end up together, you will often be expected to revisit that level of date again, or be held accountable for not doing so. Keep things light and easy and keep costs down to say no more that $50 for the first few dates (unless you are wealthy). If she is expecting expensive dates each and every time you go out together, then her interest might be only in the bulge in your back pocket. Save the expensive nights out on the town for later on.
I generally would recommend against a movie for the first couple of dates, as they are not conducive to talking. Clubs and bars are also difficult and can invite opportunities for other guys to pick up on your date. I spent one night many years ago watching my date making out and dancing with another guy she knew from a college class on our first and only date. I don't recommend it. Dinner and a walk is a great first dates, provided the meal is at a reasonable and fun place, this way you can enjoy each others company, take and have a reasonable degree of privacy.
Picking her up is a better sign than meeting her at a place, but don't read too much into it. Touch is important. Opening doors has grown somewhat passé, but do try to do this. Offer your hand for her to get out of the car, cab, seat, etc. Be a gentleman and touch her with your arm and hand across her lower back and note any reaction in her when walking to your seats or through doors. If she declines or reacts then you have your litmus test of her response to your touch.
During the date, remember to smile, make frequent eye contact, joke around a bit and be confident. If she isn't doing similar then you probably don't have anything together. Talk about your interests and listen to hers. If she talks about something that doesn't interest you, be polite, listen and try to find a way that you connect with it. If you are having to move the conversation along that is a red flag. If she is hogging up the conversation and talking mostly about herself, there's another red flag. Turn off your cell phone and don't take calls on it. If she takes a call, unless she's awaiting an organ transplant, that is generally a very bad sign and shows a lack of respect. Watch what she orders. If she goes for the most expensive things and orders a lot of pricey drinks, you are likely with a user. If she seems nervous but happy you have one hell of a good sign. Enough bad signs mean you should eat quickly, skip dessert and drinks and brings things to a close.
If all is going well and signs look good, a walk after the meal is a good time to talk but not be forced to stare at each other. There should still be a lot of eye contact, possibly touching. If she touches you on say the arm or such, in reaction to comments and jokes you make, that is excellent. Watch for smiles and hair flips. Note how close she is walking to you. If after a bit she seems open offer her your hand to hold, palm up and comfortably bent at the elbow so she can see it, and without a word. Another option is to offer her your arm instead, if she seems a bit more timid. If she doesn't take your hand or arm, note it and continue walking. Whatever you do, maintain an air of calm and confidence. You are worthy of love and affection, remember?
As I mentioned the goal of the first date is the kiss. This will tell you volumes about if any chemistry exists. In this day and age, if a woman won't kiss you at the end of the first date, it's probably not going to happen between you. You need to initiate this. After you've reached her door or her car or whatever, lean in. If she is still receptive, try bringing your hand up and gently touch her chin with your bent and curled in index finger. If you need to, try practicing this move (but not the kiss) with a receptive female friend. If she remains receptive tilt your head sideways, opposite to hers if she tilts, and kiss her gently on her lips for between one to three seconds. If she pulls back stop. If she turns her head so you kiss the corner of her lips or cheek, then comply and wish her goodnight. If she accepts the kiss. pull back to see if she is receptive to another or if she speaks. If at this point you are unsure say something like, "that was nice, may I have another?" If you start to kiss remember to let her escalate things first. Keep you tongue in your own mouth until she uses hers. If you do start to tongue kiss, be moderate and don't choke her with it. Be a bit playful, holding a kiss and then pulling away for just a moment. This little teasing can do much to entice her. Wrap your arms around her but don't grab the back of her head. Your arms should be on her hips, or possibly one gently on side of her face if she is receptive.
Judge the first kiss carefully afterward. If she kissed you back warmly, then there is probably chemistry between you two. If not, probably not. If you end up kissing for a while, let her set the pace. If she invites you in or back to her place, accept, but don't expect this. If there is chemistry, let her know you had a wonderful time with her and that you'd like to see her again. State that you will call her (and do so the day after the next or such). Don't try to set up the next date right then. Say goodnight, maybe with one more kiss, and walk away standing tall. After a good twenty feet or so take one (and only one) glance back at her to smile if she is still watching.
If there was no kiss, then there is likely not much chemistry. Thank her for a nice night (lie if you must and be polite) and wish her goodnight. Don't offer to call if you don't plan on it. If she gives you the "let's just be friends" speech, smile and be gracious. This is a lie too often told. Move on, maestro.
The second date should go much the same, though choose or agree upon a different restaurant and try to incorporate a different after meal activity that offers communication: carnivals, walks on the beach or around the town are still good. You are looking for more chemistry and possible intimacy to develop, but still not necessarily sex. If more develops, then the third is often the make it or break it date. If things are still progressing, and you are growing more physical, then things are good. This is a good date for a show or movie.
You are trying to build something here with her. I typically recommend only dating one woman at a time. You should be moving forward. If things stall or back off, then it may be time to re-evaluate things. Be honest, be strong and be confident. Don't rush things.
Sex, ah sex, well there are many sources to discus this, but a couple basic things to remember. No means no means NO! If the answer is yes, use a condom (always carry and use your own, and practice safer sex methods). Don't try to emulate what you've seen in porn -- this means no ass slapping or holding the back of her head during oral sex (unless this is what she enjoys and has stated so). Learn how to perform oral sex well and do it if she is willing. Learn how to touch a woman how she likes and needs. Focus on getting her to orgasm first and driving her into a passionate frenzy.
Be a man, be a lover. Have fun and get out there.
***
I sincerely hope this helps. I am considering writing a smaller dating guide for FFAs too!
