Xyantha Reborn
- Actually Very Tame!
I don't often post things like this...I'm not sure where to post this...but do any of you have experience breaking up with...your family?
The final straw was nearly five years ago when my mother learned about my FFA preferences and summarily kicked me out, insulting my now husband and blaming all her relationship problems on me. Luckily, my now Hubby just said it was bound to happen eventually, and moved into an apartment with me.
Over the past half decade it became apparent, through conversations with friends, family, and a therapist that my mother was abusive. She constantly belittled me, screamed at me, struck me, and did about every classic thing in the book...but at the time I thought it was...dysfunctionally normal - a "its just my crazy family!" sort of attitude.
After the period where she kicked me out she basically had a melt down, kicked out all my siblings, ran up a 30K in debt on credit cards and lines of credit, cheated on my Dad, then left the debt with him, forcing him to flush his retirement and remortgage the house. So, I know it wasn't 'just me'.
However, over the past five years I have tried to allow her to retain a cool sort of correspondence...I feel filial guilt, I guess. I even tolerated meeting the man who she cheated on my dad with. Over the years she has gotten more and more insistant and almost abusive/trying to guilt me into things. The last time I agreed to go for coffee, she told me how her boyfriend's son broke into some guys house and tortured him looking for drugs (legit, I looked it up in the news afterwards). That freaked me out; what if that guy comes to my house and hurts me or my family?
My dogs are like my children; my ridgeback is very sick and the idea of trying to be merry with family...not going to happen. Everyone else gracefully accepted my situation. My mother's response was to tell me I was a terrible daughter etc. Today I finally firmly (but very respectfully) said that I was very glad she found someone who she could love, but that I was not ready to forget what had happened between us/what she had done to my dad/sisters, and needed some space. She of course freaked out and told me she will never speak to me again (I should be so lucky). She said that I was sick and that I obviously have esteem issues because the only men in my life were fat/got fat while with me, and that obviously he was abusive and is alienating me.
As I look at facebook I can see my large family starting to buzz, and the inquiries and guilt trips are starting to fly...including them commenting I need medication for my "illness". Although I don't want to alienate myself from my family, my instinct is to make a stand for myself and not allow them to push me around.
No one else in my family understands what I went through - to try and even broach the subject exhausts me. And I don't want to have her alienated from the family...just for her to leave me be. And although I am a proud FFA, I don't feel it is something I need to justify or talk to them about unless they were genuinely curious. My Grandma, who has a myriad of health issues including diabetes, called and reamed me out for the situation and droned on and on about how if I loved my husband I would force him to lose weight/its sick to enjoy it, blah blah blah....
Does anyone have any similar experiences? How did you deal with it? Any words of wisdom? I'd like to retain speaking with my family, but...if push comes to shove...
If this is in wrong forum please feel free to move...
The final straw was nearly five years ago when my mother learned about my FFA preferences and summarily kicked me out, insulting my now husband and blaming all her relationship problems on me. Luckily, my now Hubby just said it was bound to happen eventually, and moved into an apartment with me.
Over the past half decade it became apparent, through conversations with friends, family, and a therapist that my mother was abusive. She constantly belittled me, screamed at me, struck me, and did about every classic thing in the book...but at the time I thought it was...dysfunctionally normal - a "its just my crazy family!" sort of attitude.
After the period where she kicked me out she basically had a melt down, kicked out all my siblings, ran up a 30K in debt on credit cards and lines of credit, cheated on my Dad, then left the debt with him, forcing him to flush his retirement and remortgage the house. So, I know it wasn't 'just me'.
However, over the past five years I have tried to allow her to retain a cool sort of correspondence...I feel filial guilt, I guess. I even tolerated meeting the man who she cheated on my dad with. Over the years she has gotten more and more insistant and almost abusive/trying to guilt me into things. The last time I agreed to go for coffee, she told me how her boyfriend's son broke into some guys house and tortured him looking for drugs (legit, I looked it up in the news afterwards). That freaked me out; what if that guy comes to my house and hurts me or my family?
My dogs are like my children; my ridgeback is very sick and the idea of trying to be merry with family...not going to happen. Everyone else gracefully accepted my situation. My mother's response was to tell me I was a terrible daughter etc. Today I finally firmly (but very respectfully) said that I was very glad she found someone who she could love, but that I was not ready to forget what had happened between us/what she had done to my dad/sisters, and needed some space. She of course freaked out and told me she will never speak to me again (I should be so lucky). She said that I was sick and that I obviously have esteem issues because the only men in my life were fat/got fat while with me, and that obviously he was abusive and is alienating me.
As I look at facebook I can see my large family starting to buzz, and the inquiries and guilt trips are starting to fly...including them commenting I need medication for my "illness". Although I don't want to alienate myself from my family, my instinct is to make a stand for myself and not allow them to push me around.
No one else in my family understands what I went through - to try and even broach the subject exhausts me. And I don't want to have her alienated from the family...just for her to leave me be. And although I am a proud FFA, I don't feel it is something I need to justify or talk to them about unless they were genuinely curious. My Grandma, who has a myriad of health issues including diabetes, called and reamed me out for the situation and droned on and on about how if I loved my husband I would force him to lose weight/its sick to enjoy it, blah blah blah....
Does anyone have any similar experiences? How did you deal with it? Any words of wisdom? I'd like to retain speaking with my family, but...if push comes to shove...
If this is in wrong forum please feel free to move...
