Buttercup's First Rival.

[Brit]

Yesterday, I watched the film 'The Princess Bride', and decided I wanted to see how well it was adapted from the book. Once I opened it, I was captured spellbound by theis delicious beginning to the story - and thought 'This would go well on Dimensions.com.'

The year that Buttercup was born, the most beautiful woman in the world was a French scullery maid named Annette.

Annette worked in Paris for the Duke and Duchess de Guiche, and it did not escape the Duke's notice that someone extraordinary was polishing the pewter. The Duke's notice did not escape the notice of the Duchess either, who was not very beautiful and not very rich, but plenty smart. The Duchess set about studying Annette and shortly found her adversary's tragic flaw.

Chocolate.

Armed now, the Duchess set to work. The Palace de Guiche turned into a candy castle. Everywhere you looked, bonbons. There were piles of chocolate-covered mints in the drawing rooms, baskets of chocolate-covered nougats in the parlors.

Annette never had a chance. Inside a season, she went from delicate to whopping, and the Duke never glanced in her direction without sad bewilderment clouding his eyes.

(Annette, it might be noted, seemed only cheerier throughout her enlargement. She eventually married the pastry chef and they both ate a lot until old age claimed them. Things, it might also be noted, did not fare so cheerily for the Duchess. The Duke, for reasons passing understanding, next became smitten with his very own mother-in-law, which caused the Duchess ulcers, only they didn't have ulcers yet. More precisely, ulcers existed, people had them, but they weren't called "ulcers." The medical profession at the time called them "stomach pains" and felt the best cure was coffee dolloped with brandy twice a day until the pains subsided. The Duchess took her mixture faithfully, watching through the years as her husband and her mother blew kisses at each other from behind her back. Not surprisingly, the Duchess's grumpiness became legendary, as Voltaire has so ably chronicled. Except this was before Voltaire.)

Notice that the author - William Goldman - does nothing to attack Larger People with this comment. Annette's larger size is merely described with the Neutral term 'Whopping', and she is seen to be all the happier for her largeness. As for the Duchess and her narrow-minded Duke, they are equally condemned to a fitting end. And all this in just the first page!

Anyway, I hope you guys like it. Maybe someone should do a 'Spin-off' about Annette, or some artwork.

Or something.

 

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