First things first, since I've never posted anything before: Hi, I'm Rachel, twenty-three, in the Metro-Detroit area. Recently I'm just over three hundred pounds; more on that later.
I found this site about two years ago. Prior to it, I didn't know that anyone else in the world shared my *fetish.* I was so happy to know that I'm not the only one, but I haven't been moved to take the plunge of introducing myself until now.
I've always been fat, as long as I can remember, and for some time before that, as well. It's partially genetics, I'm sure - my dad is four-fifty or thereabouts - and partially that I just like to eat.
Along with my having been fat, I've been attracted to heavier guys, generally ranging from a little overweight to pretty fat. All of my sexual fantasies have revolved around food in some way (something I don't think I've ever admitted to anyone). But I thought I was an FFA who just happened to be heavy herself.
In 2006, I lost about a hundred pounds, down to one eighty-five or so. I felt pretty good about it, I think, except that my inner insecurities were still there.
Around a year ago, I made a pretty crazy decision, which led me to live with the guy I'd been dating since we were in high school. We got married. But, even though we were living together, he was rarely around, I felt alone, and started turning to food again. I was already two-seventy by late April, when a guy I'd sort of known for a while told me that he liked me better heavier.
My first real life FA!
I didn't even know how much I needed to hear that until I'd heard it.
Since then, my weight's been climbing slowly upward. I divorced last month. It's been kind of a trying year.
My biggest dilemma is, I don't want my weight to be the only reason someone's attracted to me. It's a part of who I am, like having brown eyes, but I want to be wanted for the whole package. I didn't think I was a gainer, but recently I'm feeling the same sense of accomplishment in seeing the numbers inch up that I did when I was losing weight and they were inching down. So I don't know anymore.
Thanks for listening.
-Rachel
I found this site about two years ago. Prior to it, I didn't know that anyone else in the world shared my *fetish.* I was so happy to know that I'm not the only one, but I haven't been moved to take the plunge of introducing myself until now.
I've always been fat, as long as I can remember, and for some time before that, as well. It's partially genetics, I'm sure - my dad is four-fifty or thereabouts - and partially that I just like to eat.
Along with my having been fat, I've been attracted to heavier guys, generally ranging from a little overweight to pretty fat. All of my sexual fantasies have revolved around food in some way (something I don't think I've ever admitted to anyone). But I thought I was an FFA who just happened to be heavy herself.
In 2006, I lost about a hundred pounds, down to one eighty-five or so. I felt pretty good about it, I think, except that my inner insecurities were still there.
Around a year ago, I made a pretty crazy decision, which led me to live with the guy I'd been dating since we were in high school. We got married. But, even though we were living together, he was rarely around, I felt alone, and started turning to food again. I was already two-seventy by late April, when a guy I'd sort of known for a while told me that he liked me better heavier.
My first real life FA!
I didn't even know how much I needed to hear that until I'd heard it.
Since then, my weight's been climbing slowly upward. I divorced last month. It's been kind of a trying year.
My biggest dilemma is, I don't want my weight to be the only reason someone's attracted to me. It's a part of who I am, like having brown eyes, but I want to be wanted for the whole package. I didn't think I was a gainer, but recently I'm feeling the same sense of accomplishment in seeing the numbers inch up that I did when I was losing weight and they were inching down. So I don't know anymore.
Thanks for listening.
-Rachel
