hi...
how to begin...
maybe I should begin at the beginning. I know that this thread is already on the story writers board, but I wanted some feedback from members of the forum who weren't writers, and who might actually (if it ever comes out) view and critique my Endevour.
Well, I've started to write a comic book with a very good friend of mine who is doing the paneling and art. I'm writing the script and the story (part due to the confidence I gained writing here, as a matter of fact). It's about a 6th form college for superheroes (think grange hill meets justice league, or hollyoaks meets the avengers), all manner of characters from all walks of life (quite litereally). Lots of interlinking storylines, from expulsions to sexual experimentation, from school work to mass shootings, and relationships, redemption, persecution and saving the world all along the way.
However, there are two storylines that I want to discuss with you, because It has the most relivance here on this forum. they are storylines of girls struggles with her weight and identity, and a boys growing realisation of being an FA (and finding romance). I wanted to include a story line like this, partly as they say "write what you know", but also mostly because their are very few BBW superheroines outside occasional one offs and Big Bertha. Some of this stuff gets pretty strange, so bear with me on this one, I need advice over whether it's handled adultly or not.
Fern (aka Chickmagnet) is a tubby girl whose boyfriend (Dom aka Woodrow) isn't paying her enough attention, emotionally and sexually. Thus, she feels it is something to do with her (it isn't, he's just doesn't show his emotions well at all), and tries to change her appearence, buying a combination of diet pills and tries to vomit up her meal. She is stopped from doing this by Euryale (think medusa, but fat and much nicer), who says to her that it's not her that should change, it's Dom, and she needs to take a stand against it.
Fern misinterprets this, beleiving that that meant to start cheating on him, and sets herself up with Alan (Alloy man... can you see the attraction) who seems to be an alright guy. This all comes to a head in the big after exams party (also the celebration of beating a whole bunch of bad guys) where the two are caught having sex by Dom. Dom flips out, and they quickly break up rather messily, involving Fern storming off with Alan, leaving dom a broken tree-man.
Fern ends up staying with Alan, even when he becomes a bastard and tries to conquer the world and makes her change anyway. She tries everything to fit it with the thin and vapid world Alan surrounded himself with, from strange alien sliming devices, to starvation spells, constantly trying to change her appearence but failing every time. She can't leave him, for fear of having no-one to go back to, mainly because she's considered a traitor, but partily because she still feels inadequate, huge and ugly compared to the elitist club Alan creates. Alan gets his comuppances when he gets turned to dust by a villian. but even then, fern feels alone and friendless, and her fate is left unclear. rather a sad character.
this is some what contrasted with the budding FA romance between the main character, Ashad (Phantasm) and Amilia (Dirigible). Ashad has always had feelings for Amilia, mostly due to her kind and thoughtful nature, but is still coming to terms over whether he is attracted to her personality (in which case, just a friend), or her body as well (in which case, full on girlfriend). During a battle that almost costs his life, he is airlifted out by Amilia (who has self inflation powers) and he comes to realise that he is attracted to her as a whole.
Amilia herself is having a few problems. the nature of her power means that she is a BBW perminantly, and whenever she gets excited sexually, she looses control and blimps up, something she is thoroughly ashamed of. This happens at the end of exams party when she is alone with Ashad. After having a bit to much, they end up making out behind a locked door, and she ends up blimping. Prefuse with apologises and fear, she expects Ashad to leave her due to this fact, saying
"Surely you don't want a Blimp of a girlfriend around?!"
Ashad kisses her and says he wouldn't have it any other way.
the two continue their relationship, even when Ashad has to fight the big bad alternate version of himself, leading to Amelia sacrficing herself for him. She's left on a hospital bed with Ashad, and her waking up out of her coma stops him from going over the edge. the two both feel inadquet with their powers, but love each other dearly as well, and feel connected in their uselessness (strange, but fun to write, and sort of sweet).
Thrown into this mix is the two additional BBW characters, Euryale and Cathie richter (jigglephysics). both of them are big supporters of size acceptance, and are fun to write for, Euryale behaving like a big advisory sister to both Amelia and Fern in their times of need, for better of worse, whilst Cathie reveals in her size (8'7" as well as being over 500lbs), enjoying every minute of life, from relaxing and eating, to becoming an unstoppable juggernaut on the battlefield.
So far, the project is a bit mixed when it comes to progress. all the essential story elements are there, and all that remains is putting bits and peices of filler (a cool action scene here, a gag there). however, my artist and close friend, Mark, has had to leave the project due to the death of his mother, and thus, I am looking for an artist around the aberystwyth university. I'm putting up posters soonish so that bright, young hopefuls can so off their artistic mastery.
Have I handled these story lines with respect, do you think? I hope I have, as I want to get the story right and not feel shallow or cheap. If you feel the endings are a little off, or some of the characters don't ring true, then I can add in or change scenes to make them feel better. just tell me what you guys think.
how to begin...
maybe I should begin at the beginning. I know that this thread is already on the story writers board, but I wanted some feedback from members of the forum who weren't writers, and who might actually (if it ever comes out) view and critique my Endevour.
Well, I've started to write a comic book with a very good friend of mine who is doing the paneling and art. I'm writing the script and the story (part due to the confidence I gained writing here, as a matter of fact). It's about a 6th form college for superheroes (think grange hill meets justice league, or hollyoaks meets the avengers), all manner of characters from all walks of life (quite litereally). Lots of interlinking storylines, from expulsions to sexual experimentation, from school work to mass shootings, and relationships, redemption, persecution and saving the world all along the way.
However, there are two storylines that I want to discuss with you, because It has the most relivance here on this forum. they are storylines of girls struggles with her weight and identity, and a boys growing realisation of being an FA (and finding romance). I wanted to include a story line like this, partly as they say "write what you know", but also mostly because their are very few BBW superheroines outside occasional one offs and Big Bertha. Some of this stuff gets pretty strange, so bear with me on this one, I need advice over whether it's handled adultly or not.
Fern (aka Chickmagnet) is a tubby girl whose boyfriend (Dom aka Woodrow) isn't paying her enough attention, emotionally and sexually. Thus, she feels it is something to do with her (it isn't, he's just doesn't show his emotions well at all), and tries to change her appearence, buying a combination of diet pills and tries to vomit up her meal. She is stopped from doing this by Euryale (think medusa, but fat and much nicer), who says to her that it's not her that should change, it's Dom, and she needs to take a stand against it.
Fern misinterprets this, beleiving that that meant to start cheating on him, and sets herself up with Alan (Alloy man... can you see the attraction) who seems to be an alright guy. This all comes to a head in the big after exams party (also the celebration of beating a whole bunch of bad guys) where the two are caught having sex by Dom. Dom flips out, and they quickly break up rather messily, involving Fern storming off with Alan, leaving dom a broken tree-man.
Fern ends up staying with Alan, even when he becomes a bastard and tries to conquer the world and makes her change anyway. She tries everything to fit it with the thin and vapid world Alan surrounded himself with, from strange alien sliming devices, to starvation spells, constantly trying to change her appearence but failing every time. She can't leave him, for fear of having no-one to go back to, mainly because she's considered a traitor, but partily because she still feels inadequate, huge and ugly compared to the elitist club Alan creates. Alan gets his comuppances when he gets turned to dust by a villian. but even then, fern feels alone and friendless, and her fate is left unclear. rather a sad character.
this is some what contrasted with the budding FA romance between the main character, Ashad (Phantasm) and Amilia (Dirigible). Ashad has always had feelings for Amilia, mostly due to her kind and thoughtful nature, but is still coming to terms over whether he is attracted to her personality (in which case, just a friend), or her body as well (in which case, full on girlfriend). During a battle that almost costs his life, he is airlifted out by Amilia (who has self inflation powers) and he comes to realise that he is attracted to her as a whole.
Amilia herself is having a few problems. the nature of her power means that she is a BBW perminantly, and whenever she gets excited sexually, she looses control and blimps up, something she is thoroughly ashamed of. This happens at the end of exams party when she is alone with Ashad. After having a bit to much, they end up making out behind a locked door, and she ends up blimping. Prefuse with apologises and fear, she expects Ashad to leave her due to this fact, saying
"Surely you don't want a Blimp of a girlfriend around?!"
Ashad kisses her and says he wouldn't have it any other way.
the two continue their relationship, even when Ashad has to fight the big bad alternate version of himself, leading to Amelia sacrficing herself for him. She's left on a hospital bed with Ashad, and her waking up out of her coma stops him from going over the edge. the two both feel inadquet with their powers, but love each other dearly as well, and feel connected in their uselessness (strange, but fun to write, and sort of sweet).
Thrown into this mix is the two additional BBW characters, Euryale and Cathie richter (jigglephysics). both of them are big supporters of size acceptance, and are fun to write for, Euryale behaving like a big advisory sister to both Amelia and Fern in their times of need, for better of worse, whilst Cathie reveals in her size (8'7" as well as being over 500lbs), enjoying every minute of life, from relaxing and eating, to becoming an unstoppable juggernaut on the battlefield.
So far, the project is a bit mixed when it comes to progress. all the essential story elements are there, and all that remains is putting bits and peices of filler (a cool action scene here, a gag there). however, my artist and close friend, Mark, has had to leave the project due to the death of his mother, and thus, I am looking for an artist around the aberystwyth university. I'm putting up posters soonish so that bright, young hopefuls can so off their artistic mastery.
Have I handled these story lines with respect, do you think? I hope I have, as I want to get the story right and not feel shallow or cheap. If you feel the endings are a little off, or some of the characters don't ring true, then I can add in or change scenes to make them feel better. just tell me what you guys think.
