Hey everyone,
This is my first time ever really posting in a place where people celebrate 'big people'. I apologize ahead of time for this being a bit long-winded or all over the place, I have thoughts bouncing around my head and just needed to get them all out. I guess I'm just looking to hear from some bigger guys (or women!) about how they developed their confidence....
See when I was a kid I was always kind of small...but when I turned 14/15, I was bullied so bad that I sort of just retreated in to my own little world and was eating all kinds of junk (I have to admit I enjoyed myself though, lol) and shot up to about 100kg [220lbs] in 3 months (from 75kg)[165lbs]. Since then I've been "struggling" with my weight.
I'm 278lbs right now, about 5'8" or 5'9", but I've been as high as 315lbs (which was uncomfortable for me). I should note that from about 19 - 24 years old (I'm 25 now), I've been involved with women that I was insanely attracted to, so I never really had a problem with finding a girl in that sense - but my confidence issues would still get in the way eventually. However, the last girl I was with did a serious number on me emotionally, and I just haven't been the same since. I was always insecure, but this made it worse. I'm just not sure how to convince myself that being bigger isn't an all-bad situation, because everyone is telling me or acting like it is.
I feel like I have to lose a bit of weight, but in general, I don't mind being a bigger guy. It's almost like a defense mechanism for me ever since I was bullied and what not. People simply don't bother me when I'm bigger.
I asked myself a question the other day, which was basically, "if you could get anything you wanted in life - be it the girls, money, success in a career, friends, etc., and you could get it without losing all the weight, would you still want to be thin?" and the answer to that was no.
Yet, I go from diet to diet, and I torture myself sometimes trying to become "better". I really want to learn to accept myself as I am, because I think trying to change yourself out of spite is the first way to failure. I'd like to lose weight and maintain myself at about 220-230lbs, but I don't think I can do that unless I'm happy with myself...if you know what I mean?
I've attached a picture of myself, just for reference. I know I'm not the biggest guy on the boards and I apologize if it seems whiney of me, but my concerns are definitely sincere and I hope to hear about how you came to deal with the looks, the obvious judgement of random people on the street or anywhere really, and how you just let your actual personality out.
My ex gf described me as someone that has a lot of charisma and charm, but only when I'm in a good mood. Lately, I haven't been in too many good moods.
Thank you to anyone that reads this!
View attachment kevchubby.jpg
This is my first time ever really posting in a place where people celebrate 'big people'. I apologize ahead of time for this being a bit long-winded or all over the place, I have thoughts bouncing around my head and just needed to get them all out. I guess I'm just looking to hear from some bigger guys (or women!) about how they developed their confidence....
See when I was a kid I was always kind of small...but when I turned 14/15, I was bullied so bad that I sort of just retreated in to my own little world and was eating all kinds of junk (I have to admit I enjoyed myself though, lol) and shot up to about 100kg [220lbs] in 3 months (from 75kg)[165lbs]. Since then I've been "struggling" with my weight.
I'm 278lbs right now, about 5'8" or 5'9", but I've been as high as 315lbs (which was uncomfortable for me). I should note that from about 19 - 24 years old (I'm 25 now), I've been involved with women that I was insanely attracted to, so I never really had a problem with finding a girl in that sense - but my confidence issues would still get in the way eventually. However, the last girl I was with did a serious number on me emotionally, and I just haven't been the same since. I was always insecure, but this made it worse. I'm just not sure how to convince myself that being bigger isn't an all-bad situation, because everyone is telling me or acting like it is.
I feel like I have to lose a bit of weight, but in general, I don't mind being a bigger guy. It's almost like a defense mechanism for me ever since I was bullied and what not. People simply don't bother me when I'm bigger.
I asked myself a question the other day, which was basically, "if you could get anything you wanted in life - be it the girls, money, success in a career, friends, etc., and you could get it without losing all the weight, would you still want to be thin?" and the answer to that was no.
Yet, I go from diet to diet, and I torture myself sometimes trying to become "better". I really want to learn to accept myself as I am, because I think trying to change yourself out of spite is the first way to failure. I'd like to lose weight and maintain myself at about 220-230lbs, but I don't think I can do that unless I'm happy with myself...if you know what I mean?
I've attached a picture of myself, just for reference. I know I'm not the biggest guy on the boards and I apologize if it seems whiney of me, but my concerns are definitely sincere and I hope to hear about how you came to deal with the looks, the obvious judgement of random people on the street or anywhere really, and how you just let your actual personality out.
My ex gf described me as someone that has a lot of charisma and charm, but only when I'm in a good mood. Lately, I haven't been in too many good moods.
Thank you to anyone that reads this!
View attachment kevchubby.jpg
