Single26Female
Well-Known Member
Several months ago, I started talking with a guy I know only from an email listserv we had both joined last summer. I never thought I would have any interest in him beyond general conversation so I never bothered to send a picture. I guess he felt the same way because he never asked for one.
Throughout the course of our conversations, I've sort of become interested in him and I decided a few weeks ago I was ready to offer my pictures. However, about the same time, we had conversations about past relationships and I found out that his ex's were very thin girls.
At that time, I explained that I was no longer comfortable talking or eventually meeting because I didn't feel like I was his physical ideal. He countered by saying that he'd already decided it didn't matter what I looked like but I'm having a very difficult time believing this and getting past my own anxiety and self-consciousness over my size.
I know that I don't know everything about this guy but everything I do know is exactly what I've been looking for over the last several years. I guess that I'm feeling like giving him my picture is guaranteeing rejection and then, in turn, killing the fantasy that the kind of man I'm interested in will one day be interested in me.
How do I deal with this with some dignity? I don't want to say, "listen, you need to know I'm fat." To me, that's equating it with something negative and I don't want to put it in that light because I don't see it that way despite my own occasional lack of confidence. Yet, I feel like I can't just show up to meet him without telling him after knowing that he's into thin girls. I feel like I'm leading him on to keep talking with him but I don't want to walk away without explanation.
Confused? Me too. I'm acting like a third grader over this entire situation. I just haven't liked anyone in a very long time. I know that I'm attractive but I also know that people are attracted to different kinds of people and I totally respect that 100%! I'm not attracted to certain kinds of guys and I'm not offended that he isn't into big girls. Though I haven't asked him directly, based on his last relationships and various comments he's made about certain things (none cruel), I have very good reason to believe that he does not find larger people attractive.
Any advice on how to end this without:
1. breaking my heart/hurting my feelings
2. leaving him without explanation
3. making it seem like my weight is an issue worthy of its own conversation
Thanks and sorry for going on like this...I'm not the greatest with guys.
Throughout the course of our conversations, I've sort of become interested in him and I decided a few weeks ago I was ready to offer my pictures. However, about the same time, we had conversations about past relationships and I found out that his ex's were very thin girls.
At that time, I explained that I was no longer comfortable talking or eventually meeting because I didn't feel like I was his physical ideal. He countered by saying that he'd already decided it didn't matter what I looked like but I'm having a very difficult time believing this and getting past my own anxiety and self-consciousness over my size.
I know that I don't know everything about this guy but everything I do know is exactly what I've been looking for over the last several years. I guess that I'm feeling like giving him my picture is guaranteeing rejection and then, in turn, killing the fantasy that the kind of man I'm interested in will one day be interested in me.
How do I deal with this with some dignity? I don't want to say, "listen, you need to know I'm fat." To me, that's equating it with something negative and I don't want to put it in that light because I don't see it that way despite my own occasional lack of confidence. Yet, I feel like I can't just show up to meet him without telling him after knowing that he's into thin girls. I feel like I'm leading him on to keep talking with him but I don't want to walk away without explanation.
Confused? Me too. I'm acting like a third grader over this entire situation. I just haven't liked anyone in a very long time. I know that I'm attractive but I also know that people are attracted to different kinds of people and I totally respect that 100%! I'm not attracted to certain kinds of guys and I'm not offended that he isn't into big girls. Though I haven't asked him directly, based on his last relationships and various comments he's made about certain things (none cruel), I have very good reason to believe that he does not find larger people attractive.
Any advice on how to end this without:
1. breaking my heart/hurting my feelings
2. leaving him without explanation
3. making it seem like my weight is an issue worthy of its own conversation
Thanks and sorry for going on like this...I'm not the greatest with guys.
