Fuzzy Necromancer
Well-Known Member
Time to empathize with Hal9000.
I've been seeing a therapist, psycholanalyst, brain orthodontist, whatever they're calling this particular mind-specialist now and here, and I've recently been diagnosed with two neurosis in the schizophrenia family. I can never get their names right, but it's something like schizoformaphrenia and schizo-something else.
An associate analyst said it seems like I have something with a psychological effect but a psychiatric cause. I related this information to my real life best friend, and he said that he's known me for a long time and he doesn't think there's anythign really wrong with me, just that I made some mistakes and I was under a lot of normal stress in college, and that I'm on enough drugs as it is (I take generic ritalin, iron supplements, and vitamin pills). I've always been easily torn or distraught when people I know and trust have conflicting opinions on a matter of importance, and my mom seems to agree with the therapist. For the past few days I've been torn up inside trying to figure out whether or not I have real problem or it's just normal or it's me being lazy or what. I find myself examining and over-thinking every aspect of my life and my behavior and my own sloppy mind. This tends to be accompanied with a despairing speculation about what is real.
How can it be? Millions of intelligent, credible, and authoritative people hold radically different views on matters of religion, politics, and even basic facts such as whether or not obesity is a medical problem or if a certain weapon exists or if it's okay to kill people. People claiming to be of the same religion, and even larger groups worshipping the same god, have radically different or innacurate moral views just in the pure ideal form to the extent where I wonder how any of them can proclaim to be people of faith. Sciences changes and redefines our world with discoveries that so many previous natural laws were wrong, and acts as if it has always been that way, and we believe it. I seem to despair of any hope to have basic grasp of this "reality" thing.
I feel like I don't know what's real in the world at large, and what is or isn't part of myself. I'm all but insane in my fear of appearing nuttier than a fruitcake. I'm feeling big sticky wads of self loathing at things like the cluttered nature of my room.
I'm lost. I just don't know. I'm not even sure why I wrote this. So many possibilities and choices lay before me like hostile armies that I don't know if advice or suggestions would only confuse the matter, and I'd like to think I don't want a pity party but I can't take my word on that.
I'm lost. I'm confused. I don't know.
I've been seeing a therapist, psycholanalyst, brain orthodontist, whatever they're calling this particular mind-specialist now and here, and I've recently been diagnosed with two neurosis in the schizophrenia family. I can never get their names right, but it's something like schizoformaphrenia and schizo-something else.
An associate analyst said it seems like I have something with a psychological effect but a psychiatric cause. I related this information to my real life best friend, and he said that he's known me for a long time and he doesn't think there's anythign really wrong with me, just that I made some mistakes and I was under a lot of normal stress in college, and that I'm on enough drugs as it is (I take generic ritalin, iron supplements, and vitamin pills). I've always been easily torn or distraught when people I know and trust have conflicting opinions on a matter of importance, and my mom seems to agree with the therapist. For the past few days I've been torn up inside trying to figure out whether or not I have real problem or it's just normal or it's me being lazy or what. I find myself examining and over-thinking every aspect of my life and my behavior and my own sloppy mind. This tends to be accompanied with a despairing speculation about what is real.
How can it be? Millions of intelligent, credible, and authoritative people hold radically different views on matters of religion, politics, and even basic facts such as whether or not obesity is a medical problem or if a certain weapon exists or if it's okay to kill people. People claiming to be of the same religion, and even larger groups worshipping the same god, have radically different or innacurate moral views just in the pure ideal form to the extent where I wonder how any of them can proclaim to be people of faith. Sciences changes and redefines our world with discoveries that so many previous natural laws were wrong, and acts as if it has always been that way, and we believe it. I seem to despair of any hope to have basic grasp of this "reality" thing.
I feel like I don't know what's real in the world at large, and what is or isn't part of myself. I'm all but insane in my fear of appearing nuttier than a fruitcake. I'm feeling big sticky wads of self loathing at things like the cluttered nature of my room.
I'm lost. I just don't know. I'm not even sure why I wrote this. So many possibilities and choices lay before me like hostile armies that I don't know if advice or suggestions would only confuse the matter, and I'd like to think I don't want a pity party but I can't take my word on that.
I'm lost. I'm confused. I don't know.
