A
AnnaBanana
~BBW, Anorexia,. Prescription Drugs, Eating, ~MWG- a former anorexic finds a FA Doc who has the cure
Short and sweet, I don't want to reveal too many details about myself; I don't want you to piece too much together about me. Above all, I enjoy my work, and basically want to be left to it...with little interruption. Suffice it to say, I am not going to reveal my gender to you.
I am a physician. I am also an FA. I can't help it. My work, according to my Hippocratic Oath, is first and foremost, do no harm. But my specialty and joy is dealing with larger patients.
It all started with an incident when I was 10 years old. At a BBQ, I was introduced to the wife of one of my father’s colleagues. She was very fat and I was as kids go slender. But for some reason I couldn’t take my eyes off her corpulent form.
I guess she caught me staring, as she came over and asked me what I was looking at. I apologized for my curiosity and admitted I’d just not been used to seeing anyone so big,
She just smiled, but said “well, I wasn’t always this big, but it can happen to anyone, even you some day.”
Ever after that I found myself watch fatter people with appreciation and fascination. I’d play mind games of them eating and calculating their weight gain, I’d even stuff my own clothes and pretend to be fat myself.
Naturally I began to see and hear the stories about fat people and began paying attention. I learned about diets and anorexia and binge eating. I dated bigger girls all thru high school and had enough brawn to be their champion against hazing. I visited websites and learned even more – and it was then I made a decision. I wanted to be a doctor who would help rather than judge patients.
It took years, but I am grown up now, and I am a doctor.
A lot of what I see with my patients isn’t just a diagnosable disease that you solve with a pill or operation. It is an unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life and themselves. Siciety puts it there, but it’s a mental approach that leads to some illnesses.
I feel that part of my job as a healer is to provide a tangible answer to this dissatisfaction for the patient, while taking care of their other health issues. The patient is then free to focus until they are at one with themselves, and in peace.
Its amazing how simple one can break down the elements of life to for someone else...focus on weight has a way of absorbing all elements of dissatisfaction in life, so its one thing to look at when doing a patient evaluation. Until you overcome dissatisfaction, you can't be happy, but once you are one with it....
Sorry for my armchair philosophy. I feel what I am doing is very important. I am a doctor. Everyday, I take care of patients, fix them, give them diagnosis when needed. I like to let my patients know that, properly managed, its ok if they remain or become fat while healing.
My first patient one day was an anorexic by the name of Jillian. I diagnosed her at 19, 5’5” and less than 90 pounds. She came to my office for another consultation at age 20. The previous weight gain schedule she had not been able to stick with. Although technically underweight she had a mental picture of being fat.
As a result she was, sadly, still only 97 pounds. Her hip bones protruded sharply from her abdomen. There was nothing much to palpitate, I can feel everything under her skin, every organ, eearily and too easily. I am thinking this girl needs some serious fat accumulation to get over this hump. Gaining weight to live may not be too politically correct, but it works for people in her condition, more often than not!
So, I sit this girl down and prescribe an antipsychotic medication I find useful for anorexics, as it encourages eating. I suspect it also messes with the feeling of satiety, but I have no idea if this is the case, just a hunch. It also stimulates feelings of hunger, and deadens that part of the brain prone to obsessive thinking. I add to this an anti-depressant.
A month later....on the scale, Jillian weighted only 99 pounds. She'd gained 2 pounds. May not be a big deal if you are not anorexic, but this is really a huge gain for her first gain. I can't wait to start seeing her fill out, I imagine how her thighs will look when they spread and rub together when she walks.
We talked about her prescriptions, how her counseling is going, and she made an appointment with me for the next month. I want to keep a good eye on her, to make sure she doesn't slide backwards. Treating anorexia is not effective without professional follow up visits; an anorexic on her own is a dangerous thing.
Next month, the nurses weigh her, and Jillian is 103 pounds! Part of her was absolutely depressed at this news, because anorexics have such a negative image about their body. There is a little wisp of softness around her body, her stomach, but she is still pretty bone thin. She thought herself to be huge. We discussed how thin I see her, even though she feels so large. She made an appointment for next month and promised to keep at it..
Next month rolls around, and there is a transformation in play! Jillian comes in, upset at her bigger body. She weighs in now at 106 pounds. I sit her down and we discuss her treatment protocol again. She is still very thin, and I keep talking to her, how nice and healthy her body is looking. She draws herself on paper, her outline, is huge, and I draw what I see as her body outline, its very small.
I increased both her antipsychotic medication and her antidepressant, for she was really depressed. Eating is not such a bad thing, a pretty wonderful thing when you get right down to it. I want her to feel it, for her, for her life.
Another month, another appointment, Jillian weighs in at 110 pounds. She's gained 13 pounds in four months to this. This is still underweight but improving. But she was now rebelling at eating.
My objective us to get her up to 140 pounds, but its two year struggle to get there. From my view its been worth it. Her rump is more rounded and cushy, so cushy in fact, her underwear is starting to play "peek a boo" between her cheeks, her jeans are tight with her flesh stuffed in them. In fact, I remember how that pair of small/petite jeans had looks so baggy on her, and now, she has every ounce of them filled up!
She now had a small belly going, her front zipper is straining, and when she sits down, a petitie belly roll rolls over the belt lip. Her breasts are enlarging, and her face was getting fuller. Her thighs though...finally, this stick figure iwasgetting some thighs, nice thighs spread apart in nice, tight pants. One more ounce of fat, and she will be unable to get these jeans on again,
“Too bad I won't be there for that moment, because I have to release her.”I thought. She is able to eat normal meals, so her anorexia is in remission.
She of course was still feeling like a beached whale. Really, she's not...what's happening is slowly, her mind and body image are trying to align themselves. She thought she was a beached whale at 97 pounds, now she feels like this at 140....my philosophy, instead of bringing the mind into form with the body, bring the body into form with the mind. I can tell you right now, that's why most treatments for anorexia are unsuccessful, who wins fighting against nature?
That was three years ago. On a follow-up visit Jillian weighs in at 177, and hasn’t had any more gain for six months. She fought the bulge like no tomorrow, but in the process only lowered her metabolism by lowering her calories. At 5'5 and 177 pounds on petite frame, she is rounding out nicely. She's got a nice belly on widened hips and rubbing thighs now.
Finally, the day I have been waiting for, waiting for Jillian to binge. She can't hold off the tide of her appetite any longer, so hungry all the time now, and gaining despite dieting. This is the day she is cured. She hops over to a restaurant, and orders, and orders and orders...eats and eats and eats. That gnawing belly is finally being satified, even if it doesn't stay full long and halt the hunger pains for any considerable length of time, there is the pleasure of getting it filled up.
A year later Jillian comes in, weighing 211 pounds, a 34 pound weight gain in one year. She was curves, curves, and more curves. I can tell how fast she put on this weight, her current new pants and tee shirt with buttoned, sleeveless vest all have very stressed seams. It's amazing Jillian could even get her vest buttoned, just another quarter inch of belly fat will pop those suckers off. I smile, wondering wonder what she will eat tonight.
The good news is that she isn’t talking whale anymore, but about this supportive guy in her life. She’s happy, and is loved and feels beautiful. It makes my efforts worthwhile.
So what happens next? Will she sit at home and eat until her buttons go flying, and her vest opens? Maybe she will pull up her tight tee shirt and fondle her fat rolls while eating Little Debbie oatmeal pies with the other, by the handful? Not healthy, I know, but the FA in me wonders.
I will still need to see her periodically and chart her progress, because once diagnosed anorexic, you are always an anorexic, in danger of relapse and your weight should always be watched. But somehow I think she'll be fine.
Doctor, Doctor- Revised
by AnnaBanana
by AnnaBanana
Short and sweet, I don't want to reveal too many details about myself; I don't want you to piece too much together about me. Above all, I enjoy my work, and basically want to be left to it...with little interruption. Suffice it to say, I am not going to reveal my gender to you.
I am a physician. I am also an FA. I can't help it. My work, according to my Hippocratic Oath, is first and foremost, do no harm. But my specialty and joy is dealing with larger patients.
It all started with an incident when I was 10 years old. At a BBQ, I was introduced to the wife of one of my father’s colleagues. She was very fat and I was as kids go slender. But for some reason I couldn’t take my eyes off her corpulent form.
I guess she caught me staring, as she came over and asked me what I was looking at. I apologized for my curiosity and admitted I’d just not been used to seeing anyone so big,
She just smiled, but said “well, I wasn’t always this big, but it can happen to anyone, even you some day.”
Ever after that I found myself watch fatter people with appreciation and fascination. I’d play mind games of them eating and calculating their weight gain, I’d even stuff my own clothes and pretend to be fat myself.
Naturally I began to see and hear the stories about fat people and began paying attention. I learned about diets and anorexia and binge eating. I dated bigger girls all thru high school and had enough brawn to be their champion against hazing. I visited websites and learned even more – and it was then I made a decision. I wanted to be a doctor who would help rather than judge patients.
It took years, but I am grown up now, and I am a doctor.
A lot of what I see with my patients isn’t just a diagnosable disease that you solve with a pill or operation. It is an unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life and themselves. Siciety puts it there, but it’s a mental approach that leads to some illnesses.
I feel that part of my job as a healer is to provide a tangible answer to this dissatisfaction for the patient, while taking care of their other health issues. The patient is then free to focus until they are at one with themselves, and in peace.
Its amazing how simple one can break down the elements of life to for someone else...focus on weight has a way of absorbing all elements of dissatisfaction in life, so its one thing to look at when doing a patient evaluation. Until you overcome dissatisfaction, you can't be happy, but once you are one with it....
Sorry for my armchair philosophy. I feel what I am doing is very important. I am a doctor. Everyday, I take care of patients, fix them, give them diagnosis when needed. I like to let my patients know that, properly managed, its ok if they remain or become fat while healing.
My first patient one day was an anorexic by the name of Jillian. I diagnosed her at 19, 5’5” and less than 90 pounds. She came to my office for another consultation at age 20. The previous weight gain schedule she had not been able to stick with. Although technically underweight she had a mental picture of being fat.
As a result she was, sadly, still only 97 pounds. Her hip bones protruded sharply from her abdomen. There was nothing much to palpitate, I can feel everything under her skin, every organ, eearily and too easily. I am thinking this girl needs some serious fat accumulation to get over this hump. Gaining weight to live may not be too politically correct, but it works for people in her condition, more often than not!
So, I sit this girl down and prescribe an antipsychotic medication I find useful for anorexics, as it encourages eating. I suspect it also messes with the feeling of satiety, but I have no idea if this is the case, just a hunch. It also stimulates feelings of hunger, and deadens that part of the brain prone to obsessive thinking. I add to this an anti-depressant.
A month later....on the scale, Jillian weighted only 99 pounds. She'd gained 2 pounds. May not be a big deal if you are not anorexic, but this is really a huge gain for her first gain. I can't wait to start seeing her fill out, I imagine how her thighs will look when they spread and rub together when she walks.
We talked about her prescriptions, how her counseling is going, and she made an appointment with me for the next month. I want to keep a good eye on her, to make sure she doesn't slide backwards. Treating anorexia is not effective without professional follow up visits; an anorexic on her own is a dangerous thing.
Next month, the nurses weigh her, and Jillian is 103 pounds! Part of her was absolutely depressed at this news, because anorexics have such a negative image about their body. There is a little wisp of softness around her body, her stomach, but she is still pretty bone thin. She thought herself to be huge. We discussed how thin I see her, even though she feels so large. She made an appointment for next month and promised to keep at it..
Next month rolls around, and there is a transformation in play! Jillian comes in, upset at her bigger body. She weighs in now at 106 pounds. I sit her down and we discuss her treatment protocol again. She is still very thin, and I keep talking to her, how nice and healthy her body is looking. She draws herself on paper, her outline, is huge, and I draw what I see as her body outline, its very small.
I increased both her antipsychotic medication and her antidepressant, for she was really depressed. Eating is not such a bad thing, a pretty wonderful thing when you get right down to it. I want her to feel it, for her, for her life.
Another month, another appointment, Jillian weighs in at 110 pounds. She's gained 13 pounds in four months to this. This is still underweight but improving. But she was now rebelling at eating.
My objective us to get her up to 140 pounds, but its two year struggle to get there. From my view its been worth it. Her rump is more rounded and cushy, so cushy in fact, her underwear is starting to play "peek a boo" between her cheeks, her jeans are tight with her flesh stuffed in them. In fact, I remember how that pair of small/petite jeans had looks so baggy on her, and now, she has every ounce of them filled up!
She now had a small belly going, her front zipper is straining, and when she sits down, a petitie belly roll rolls over the belt lip. Her breasts are enlarging, and her face was getting fuller. Her thighs though...finally, this stick figure iwasgetting some thighs, nice thighs spread apart in nice, tight pants. One more ounce of fat, and she will be unable to get these jeans on again,
“Too bad I won't be there for that moment, because I have to release her.”I thought. She is able to eat normal meals, so her anorexia is in remission.
She of course was still feeling like a beached whale. Really, she's not...what's happening is slowly, her mind and body image are trying to align themselves. She thought she was a beached whale at 97 pounds, now she feels like this at 140....my philosophy, instead of bringing the mind into form with the body, bring the body into form with the mind. I can tell you right now, that's why most treatments for anorexia are unsuccessful, who wins fighting against nature?
That was three years ago. On a follow-up visit Jillian weighs in at 177, and hasn’t had any more gain for six months. She fought the bulge like no tomorrow, but in the process only lowered her metabolism by lowering her calories. At 5'5 and 177 pounds on petite frame, she is rounding out nicely. She's got a nice belly on widened hips and rubbing thighs now.
Finally, the day I have been waiting for, waiting for Jillian to binge. She can't hold off the tide of her appetite any longer, so hungry all the time now, and gaining despite dieting. This is the day she is cured. She hops over to a restaurant, and orders, and orders and orders...eats and eats and eats. That gnawing belly is finally being satified, even if it doesn't stay full long and halt the hunger pains for any considerable length of time, there is the pleasure of getting it filled up.
A year later Jillian comes in, weighing 211 pounds, a 34 pound weight gain in one year. She was curves, curves, and more curves. I can tell how fast she put on this weight, her current new pants and tee shirt with buttoned, sleeveless vest all have very stressed seams. It's amazing Jillian could even get her vest buttoned, just another quarter inch of belly fat will pop those suckers off. I smile, wondering wonder what she will eat tonight.
The good news is that she isn’t talking whale anymore, but about this supportive guy in her life. She’s happy, and is loved and feels beautiful. It makes my efforts worthwhile.
So what happens next? Will she sit at home and eat until her buttons go flying, and her vest opens? Maybe she will pull up her tight tee shirt and fondle her fat rolls while eating Little Debbie oatmeal pies with the other, by the handful? Not healthy, I know, but the FA in me wonders.
I will still need to see her periodically and chart her progress, because once diagnosed anorexic, you are always an anorexic, in danger of relapse and your weight should always be watched. But somehow I think she'll be fine.
