Russell Williams
Well-Known Member
From the Diary of a Knight Errant of the Fat
On a Thursday evening, Don Quixote da La Hagerstown arose from his sick bed to find that a herald had brought a challenge to the very door step of the fife of Cumberland Valley NAAFA. As Don Quixote turned the pages of the Morning Herald Newspaper the challenge appeared on page 7. The 1/2 page challenge contained many words but the crux of it was "Richard Simmons will be at the Hagerstown Valley Mall on Saturday June 2, at 1 pm." The Don knew that if God would release him from the illness in his chest the challenge would be accepted.
By Saturday noon the Don was well enough to prepare for battle. Carefully he chose his armor. A suit coat that fit. A pair of matching pants that did not have patches on them. The ritual polishing of the shoes. A shirt that could be buttoned at the neck. Carefully he chose his shields. A button "Russell Williams, Board of Directors, NAAFA." Alas, all the "Fat Can Be Beautiful" buttons had been through the wash at various times and were rusty. The Don choose "Fat People have More to Offer" He finished off with 10 "What is NAAFA"'s and 10 Declarations of Fat Independence's hidden in his suit coat pocket.
Don Quixote now mounted his ever faithful steed Honda and with one quick kick the steed headed for the battle ground. The Don wished for his cohorts, his Dulcania, but he must go into the enemy's camp alone. While riding he sought amongst his weapons for the perfect one. Finally he decided on "All law abiding citizens regardless of size, shape, color, or sex have the right to equality of opportunity and full acceptance into the American Democracy." That would do, short, powerful, and likely to overwhelm the opponents defenses. Don Quixote practiced with his weapon to get the delivery correct.
A final review of the armor revealed that the socks which had looked black at home were actually blue. Don Quixote suspected that the NAAFA armorers would not approve of black shoes, blue socks, and brown pants, but there was no turning back now.
At the field of battle the Don dismounted and sought his opponent. He found him surrounded by hundreds of the faithful. He waited. Suddenly Richard the Simmons began to call men forward to participate in the sexiest dancer contest. The Don sought amidst his weapons and drew, "Because of our Philosophical differences I will not let you have that much power over me".
Now Richard the Simmons retreated admist the faithful and proceeded to sign autographs. Having issued the challenge Richard was retreating from the confrontation. What could be done that was in accord with the dignity required of a true knight of the fat? Don Quixote silently stood next to the line of autograph seekers and to those who asked about the buttons, he showed his weapon and gave NAAFA literature.
Finally Richard the Simmons retired from the field and Don Quixote de La Hagerstown mounted Honda feeling that he had responded to the challenge and done all that an honorable knight of the fat could do under the circumstances.
On a Thursday evening, Don Quixote da La Hagerstown arose from his sick bed to find that a herald had brought a challenge to the very door step of the fife of Cumberland Valley NAAFA. As Don Quixote turned the pages of the Morning Herald Newspaper the challenge appeared on page 7. The 1/2 page challenge contained many words but the crux of it was "Richard Simmons will be at the Hagerstown Valley Mall on Saturday June 2, at 1 pm." The Don knew that if God would release him from the illness in his chest the challenge would be accepted.
By Saturday noon the Don was well enough to prepare for battle. Carefully he chose his armor. A suit coat that fit. A pair of matching pants that did not have patches on them. The ritual polishing of the shoes. A shirt that could be buttoned at the neck. Carefully he chose his shields. A button "Russell Williams, Board of Directors, NAAFA." Alas, all the "Fat Can Be Beautiful" buttons had been through the wash at various times and were rusty. The Don choose "Fat People have More to Offer" He finished off with 10 "What is NAAFA"'s and 10 Declarations of Fat Independence's hidden in his suit coat pocket.
Don Quixote now mounted his ever faithful steed Honda and with one quick kick the steed headed for the battle ground. The Don wished for his cohorts, his Dulcania, but he must go into the enemy's camp alone. While riding he sought amongst his weapons for the perfect one. Finally he decided on "All law abiding citizens regardless of size, shape, color, or sex have the right to equality of opportunity and full acceptance into the American Democracy." That would do, short, powerful, and likely to overwhelm the opponents defenses. Don Quixote practiced with his weapon to get the delivery correct.
A final review of the armor revealed that the socks which had looked black at home were actually blue. Don Quixote suspected that the NAAFA armorers would not approve of black shoes, blue socks, and brown pants, but there was no turning back now.
At the field of battle the Don dismounted and sought his opponent. He found him surrounded by hundreds of the faithful. He waited. Suddenly Richard the Simmons began to call men forward to participate in the sexiest dancer contest. The Don sought amidst his weapons and drew, "Because of our Philosophical differences I will not let you have that much power over me".
Now Richard the Simmons retreated admist the faithful and proceeded to sign autographs. Having issued the challenge Richard was retreating from the confrontation. What could be done that was in accord with the dignity required of a true knight of the fat? Don Quixote silently stood next to the line of autograph seekers and to those who asked about the buttons, he showed his weapon and gave NAAFA literature.
Finally Richard the Simmons retired from the field and Don Quixote de La Hagerstown mounted Honda feeling that he had responded to the challenge and done all that an honorable knight of the fat could do under the circumstances.
