I'd like to know if anyone else has experienced this internal conflict and how they've coped with it.
I love big, beautiful, curvy women. My favorite word is zaftig (with callipygian running a close second) and I have a sexy, plump girlfriend whom I absolutely adore. The problem is that for many years I suffered from an eating disorder. I never received treatment for the disorder, and it was only after nearly being discovered one time too many that I became determined to wean myself from the disorder. Though I was successful, I still have a lot of insecurities. I usually don't give it much thought. Everyone's insecure on one level or another.
I thought of gaining weight makes me cringe, and that is why the fact that I find the prospect of a woman gaining weight arousing troubles me. I often push the thought of my hypocrisy into the back of my mind, but when my girlfriend noted that I would "look cute with a couple extra pounds" a couple weeks ago, the heated discussion that ensued re-ignited my embers of guilt.
How can I celebrate and support my Big Beautiful Woman when the idea of being a Big Handsome Man makes me squirm? It my fascination with the abundant female form independent from my former eating disorder or is it a bi-product of it; a sort of psychological rebellion in which my mind is attracted to what I myself do not desire to become?
I must go now and brood.
I love big, beautiful, curvy women. My favorite word is zaftig (with callipygian running a close second) and I have a sexy, plump girlfriend whom I absolutely adore. The problem is that for many years I suffered from an eating disorder. I never received treatment for the disorder, and it was only after nearly being discovered one time too many that I became determined to wean myself from the disorder. Though I was successful, I still have a lot of insecurities. I usually don't give it much thought. Everyone's insecure on one level or another.
I thought of gaining weight makes me cringe, and that is why the fact that I find the prospect of a woman gaining weight arousing troubles me. I often push the thought of my hypocrisy into the back of my mind, but when my girlfriend noted that I would "look cute with a couple extra pounds" a couple weeks ago, the heated discussion that ensued re-ignited my embers of guilt.
How can I celebrate and support my Big Beautiful Woman when the idea of being a Big Handsome Man makes me squirm? It my fascination with the abundant female form independent from my former eating disorder or is it a bi-product of it; a sort of psychological rebellion in which my mind is attracted to what I myself do not desire to become?
I must go now and brood.
