I'm pretty much a lifelong FA. I always have been (and still am) interested in women who love to eat and get fatter and fatter, but I'd never been interested in that for myself. I've been a pretty thin guy with a moderate appetite and didn't dream of living life any differently.
Things changed about a year ago. I realized I'd put on a bit of weight lately, and for whatever reason, for the first time, the idea of gaining more on purpose was intriguing, tantalizing. So I dipped my toe in and haven't looked back since. I've stuck to it better some months than others, but overall I've gained over 30 lbs since last October and only want to keep going. I can no longer call myself a pretty thin guy, with my growing gut and my softer limbs, with the double chin that's slowly appearing under my face. Physically and psychologically, it's a big transformation that doesn't show any signs of slowing down or stopping.
I've having a great time and not looking for anyone to dissuade me from this path, but I am puzzled by it and trying to make sense of it. Some people might not dig deeper, treating sexuality as a mysterious, inscrutable thing that does what it does for its own reasons. And maybe that's all there is to it: maybe some random and meaningless shift in my hormones and synaptic firings spread the appeal of gaining for me from others to myself. But I can't help but try to find more meaning in it. Sometimes I wonder if it's a coping mechanism, a titillating distraction from the stress and anxiety of the last year that wouldn't have the same hold on me under different circumstances. Sometimes I wonder if it's coping of a different kind--I haven't been with a partner who's gaining weight for years, and maybe the frustration of missing that is discharging itself but shifting the responsibility for gaining onto my own body. And maybe this in fact is a deep-seated desire that I've only had the self-awareness to recognize and embrace in the last year or so. After all, I have clear memories of stuffing my shirt with pillows as a kid.
Maybe it's all of these things, maybe it's none of them. Who knows. But I think it's fun to think about it, and I'm curious what you think, especially about how you do or don't make meaning out of your own fat sexuality. I'm interested in getting past "born this way" narratives about feedism (which I don't doubt are true for many people!) and into the meanings we read into this fetish, whether or not we were born with it, and whether or not it's changed over time.
Things changed about a year ago. I realized I'd put on a bit of weight lately, and for whatever reason, for the first time, the idea of gaining more on purpose was intriguing, tantalizing. So I dipped my toe in and haven't looked back since. I've stuck to it better some months than others, but overall I've gained over 30 lbs since last October and only want to keep going. I can no longer call myself a pretty thin guy, with my growing gut and my softer limbs, with the double chin that's slowly appearing under my face. Physically and psychologically, it's a big transformation that doesn't show any signs of slowing down or stopping.
I've having a great time and not looking for anyone to dissuade me from this path, but I am puzzled by it and trying to make sense of it. Some people might not dig deeper, treating sexuality as a mysterious, inscrutable thing that does what it does for its own reasons. And maybe that's all there is to it: maybe some random and meaningless shift in my hormones and synaptic firings spread the appeal of gaining for me from others to myself. But I can't help but try to find more meaning in it. Sometimes I wonder if it's a coping mechanism, a titillating distraction from the stress and anxiety of the last year that wouldn't have the same hold on me under different circumstances. Sometimes I wonder if it's coping of a different kind--I haven't been with a partner who's gaining weight for years, and maybe the frustration of missing that is discharging itself but shifting the responsibility for gaining onto my own body. And maybe this in fact is a deep-seated desire that I've only had the self-awareness to recognize and embrace in the last year or so. After all, I have clear memories of stuffing my shirt with pillows as a kid.
Maybe it's all of these things, maybe it's none of them. Who knows. But I think it's fun to think about it, and I'm curious what you think, especially about how you do or don't make meaning out of your own fat sexuality. I'm interested in getting past "born this way" narratives about feedism (which I don't doubt are true for many people!) and into the meanings we read into this fetish, whether or not we were born with it, and whether or not it's changed over time.
