gaining again

[Red Paul]

Every since I was about 9 yrs old my mind has been consumed by thoughts of being about 600 lbs, leading me to gain large amounts of weight in very short periods of time and then suddenly out of nowhere I would stop gaining and lose the weight I had gained, I usually did this about twice a year. Everybody knows when you gain and lose weight...you will gain it back and then some. I started out every one of my binges wthout a short term goal, instead thinking only about 600 lbs. I dont know if what I consider extreme weight gain is actually extreme or not, but on a couple of my binges....one when I was 18 yrs old, I gained 75 lbs in 3 months, I call that extreme because I started out at only 180 lbs, and when I was 19 yrs old, my mom went out of town for the weekend and made the mistake of fully stocking the house with food, I gained 15 lbs from friday night to sunday night, she was speechless when she got home (because she said I visibly looked much bigger)and she was highly pissed....but it was a great weekend. But the real reason I write this is that I thought someone in here might be able to tell me what causes this. It does really frustrate me to know that if I had not lost all the weight that I did over the years I would have reached 600 lbs in my early twenties, I'm 325 lbs and I probobly won't ever reach 600 lbs, but im cool with that, I am in the middle of yet another binge right now and so far I have gained 10 lbs in 2 weeks, in the last 6 to 8 yrs my binges have gotten smaller and usually only last between 2 weeks to a month and Im not able to lose the weight anymore so maybe I can still reach 600 lbs. But since becoming a older adult I've started wondering.....is this a disorder? There must be some kind of tag that somebody has put on this. It's not because of a troubled childhood....and Im not depressed (thats what my mom used to ask me)...lol.....the truth is that I love to gain weight and I like feeling myself get fatter.

 

[Fuzzy Necromancer]