Russell Williams
Well-Known Member
All of the events described below actually happened. I did change some titles. For instance Williams division actually should be read, Member, Cumberland Valley NAAFA- chairperson Russell Williams and for medical officer Dawson read Dr. Dawson MD. For V-2 fluid read beer or urine. We are not certain which it was that was being poured or pissed under the door. Bivouac is another name for sleeping quarters i.e. hotel rooms.
Battle of Hagerstown
June 4, 1988 Field dispatch from Hagerstown Maryland
NAAFA Army of the Cumberland Valley Headquarters Unit
The following report is based on incomplete reports from the
NAAFA participants in the Battle of Hagerstown and is
therefore biased and one sided. A historian doing a full,
careful analysis should solicit reports from all sides.
The fields of battle were the first and second floors of a
local hotel. Not counting preliminary skirmishes, the
battle lasted from about 12:00 midnight to 3:00 A.M. Monday
morning and included two major actions with skirmishes in
between.
Starting about midnight elements of the NAAFA
Army of the Cumberland Valley were returning from a dance
and were going into bivouac on the second floor. Suddenly it
was discovered that elements of an adult men's softball
league had occupied the southern end of the field in force
and were ready to attack. As the opposition opened the
battle they fired loud "moo's" and occasional "buffalo
butt"'s . There were also reports of softball league members
being able to so completely control the second floor battle
field that at times members of the Army of the Cumberland
Valley were unable to proceed to assigned bivouac areas.
Suddenly, led by Suzanne S, (Williams's division) elements
of the NAAFA Army launched a surprise flank attack that
carried to the front desk from which the police were called.
This surprise attack stunned the members of the opposition
who fell back in disorder into their bivouac area. When the
police left, elements of the opposition re-grouped and
attacked again. This time the members of the opposition
resorted to the new and terrible vengeance weapons. Using
the V-1 inter-hotel phone system, epithets were fired by
phone directly into individual bivouacs, while a
simultaneous assault on a re-enforced NAAFA command bunker
was made by pouring V-2 fluid under the bunker doorway. (V-2
fluid is code named BEER initially but usually undergoes
further processing and name change)
Suzanne S. again led a charge to the very breastworks of the
front desk, where, in the face of perceived heavy blasts of
indifference and misunderstanding she held her position
while re-enforcements were being brought up. The police were
again called and enforced a truce on the first floor during
which a leader of the opposition came to explain that young
adults were normally going to make remarks to fat women,
but now there were NAAFA men patrolling the battlefield,
and the softball league was afraid to leave it's quarters.
(When young adults are denied their God-given rights to
harass fat women you truly realize that war is hell)
Finally a full truce was put into effect which held until
the opposition quietly withdrew from the field the following
morning. The NAAFA Army of the Cumberland Valley used the
time to tend the wounded, study battle reports, and
evaluate the various phases of the battle.
In the field dispatches the following individuals should
be mentioned for outstanding performance.
To Suzanne S. (Williams's division) for twice leading a
charge to the front desk and, in the face of heavy blasts
of perceived indifference, ignorance, and unconcern,
holding the position long enough for the successful flank
attacks to be organized.
To David C. (Myer's Division) for volunteering for sentry
duty and spending most of the battle in the very heart of
the action.
To nurses Susan M. and Janet M. for entering the
battlefield during the action, so they might provide aid
to the about to be wounded.
To Medical Officer Stewart D. (Hartenstein's Division)
for, under field conditions and without proper
instruments, quickly analyzing the yellow V-2 fluid seeping
into the command bunker, and promptly taking the correct
actions to maintain the safety of the bunker's occupants.
To officers Bill F. and N. S. (members Joint Chiefs of
Staff) for immediately reinforcing the front desk position
established by Suzanne S.
To Sarah S. (first Virginia Volunteers) for thwarting a
psychological attack by promptly hanging up.
As Activism Co.Chairperson Russell F. Williams said to the
veterans and their friends at the reunion brunch on
Monday. (Remarks edited for completeness)
The Declaration of Fat Independence says that we have the
inalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of
happiness, and calls on us to confront all those who would
deny us our inalienable rights. Let the world note that on
May 30th, 1988, at Hagerstown, Maryland, we stood together
and fought for our rights. To long have we watched lives
warped and destroyed by an uncaring society joined with a
perverted medical establishment. Let the world know that
the fat wars have started and that the only outcome can be
victory. Proclaim to those who torment us, who attempt to
brainwash us, and who repeatedly publicly humiliate us that
victory shall be ours. We shall have victory however long
the struggle, and we shall have victory however great the
cost, because without victory there can be no hope, no
future, no survival. Come then and let us join together
and gird ourselves for the struggle, secure in the
knowledge that, however long and hard the course, we shall
win. We shall win together, and by winning assume our
rightful place among the free peoples of the world.
Respectfully submitted Russell F. Williams Unofficial
Battle Historian, NAAFA
Battle of Hagerstown
June 4, 1988 Field dispatch from Hagerstown Maryland
NAAFA Army of the Cumberland Valley Headquarters Unit
The following report is based on incomplete reports from the
NAAFA participants in the Battle of Hagerstown and is
therefore biased and one sided. A historian doing a full,
careful analysis should solicit reports from all sides.
The fields of battle were the first and second floors of a
local hotel. Not counting preliminary skirmishes, the
battle lasted from about 12:00 midnight to 3:00 A.M. Monday
morning and included two major actions with skirmishes in
between.
Starting about midnight elements of the NAAFA
Army of the Cumberland Valley were returning from a dance
and were going into bivouac on the second floor. Suddenly it
was discovered that elements of an adult men's softball
league had occupied the southern end of the field in force
and were ready to attack. As the opposition opened the
battle they fired loud "moo's" and occasional "buffalo
butt"'s . There were also reports of softball league members
being able to so completely control the second floor battle
field that at times members of the Army of the Cumberland
Valley were unable to proceed to assigned bivouac areas.
Suddenly, led by Suzanne S, (Williams's division) elements
of the NAAFA Army launched a surprise flank attack that
carried to the front desk from which the police were called.
This surprise attack stunned the members of the opposition
who fell back in disorder into their bivouac area. When the
police left, elements of the opposition re-grouped and
attacked again. This time the members of the opposition
resorted to the new and terrible vengeance weapons. Using
the V-1 inter-hotel phone system, epithets were fired by
phone directly into individual bivouacs, while a
simultaneous assault on a re-enforced NAAFA command bunker
was made by pouring V-2 fluid under the bunker doorway. (V-2
fluid is code named BEER initially but usually undergoes
further processing and name change)
Suzanne S. again led a charge to the very breastworks of the
front desk, where, in the face of perceived heavy blasts of
indifference and misunderstanding she held her position
while re-enforcements were being brought up. The police were
again called and enforced a truce on the first floor during
which a leader of the opposition came to explain that young
adults were normally going to make remarks to fat women,
but now there were NAAFA men patrolling the battlefield,
and the softball league was afraid to leave it's quarters.
(When young adults are denied their God-given rights to
harass fat women you truly realize that war is hell)
Finally a full truce was put into effect which held until
the opposition quietly withdrew from the field the following
morning. The NAAFA Army of the Cumberland Valley used the
time to tend the wounded, study battle reports, and
evaluate the various phases of the battle.
In the field dispatches the following individuals should
be mentioned for outstanding performance.
To Suzanne S. (Williams's division) for twice leading a
charge to the front desk and, in the face of heavy blasts
of perceived indifference, ignorance, and unconcern,
holding the position long enough for the successful flank
attacks to be organized.
To David C. (Myer's Division) for volunteering for sentry
duty and spending most of the battle in the very heart of
the action.
To nurses Susan M. and Janet M. for entering the
battlefield during the action, so they might provide aid
to the about to be wounded.
To Medical Officer Stewart D. (Hartenstein's Division)
for, under field conditions and without proper
instruments, quickly analyzing the yellow V-2 fluid seeping
into the command bunker, and promptly taking the correct
actions to maintain the safety of the bunker's occupants.
To officers Bill F. and N. S. (members Joint Chiefs of
Staff) for immediately reinforcing the front desk position
established by Suzanne S.
To Sarah S. (first Virginia Volunteers) for thwarting a
psychological attack by promptly hanging up.
As Activism Co.Chairperson Russell F. Williams said to the
veterans and their friends at the reunion brunch on
Monday. (Remarks edited for completeness)
The Declaration of Fat Independence says that we have the
inalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of
happiness, and calls on us to confront all those who would
deny us our inalienable rights. Let the world note that on
May 30th, 1988, at Hagerstown, Maryland, we stood together
and fought for our rights. To long have we watched lives
warped and destroyed by an uncaring society joined with a
perverted medical establishment. Let the world know that
the fat wars have started and that the only outcome can be
victory. Proclaim to those who torment us, who attempt to
brainwash us, and who repeatedly publicly humiliate us that
victory shall be ours. We shall have victory however long
the struggle, and we shall have victory however great the
cost, because without victory there can be no hope, no
future, no survival. Come then and let us join together
and gird ourselves for the struggle, secure in the
knowledge that, however long and hard the course, we shall
win. We shall win together, and by winning assume our
rightful place among the free peoples of the world.
Respectfully submitted Russell F. Williams Unofficial
Battle Historian, NAAFA
