Jokes: I did not write any of the jokes...I just got them out of a book. Some may be to your liking and some may not.
(1) An over weight man went to the doctorwho advised him to lose three stone. The doctor recommended that the man should run 5 miles every day for the next 100 days. The patient phoned the doctor exactly 100 days later.
"Have you lost the weight?" asked the doctor.
" I have," said the patient, "but I'm not at all happy with the situation."
"Why not?"
Because I'm 500 miles from home!"
(2) Why are married women heavier than single women? --- SIngle women come home, see whats in the refrigerator and go to bed; married women come home, see whats in bed and go to the refrigerator.
Political Correctness----- A women is not overweight -- she is gravity enhanced.
A woman does not put on weight -- she is a metabolic underachiever.
A woman is not too skinny -- she is skeletally prominent.
Rednecks
You know you're a redneck if...Your wife weighs more than your fridge.
Collective Nouns
Here are some suggestions for new collective nouns:
A plump of weight watcher
*Off topic* but I like anyways
A click of computer mice
A gossip of relatives
A hug of teddy bears
A flood of plumbers
A fright of ghosts
A rhyme of poets.. this list goes on and on.... LOL
Food
Obesity is really widespread. (Joseph O. Kern II)
Limericks
Bill Bounce, being fat for a jockey,
Tried steaming to make him less stocky.
This heated him so
That he had to eat snow,
and change his profession to hockey
A sleeper from the Amazon
put nighties of his gra' mazon-
The reason: that
He was too fat
To get his own Pajamazon
There once was a guy named Jake
Who had very bad stomache ache;
He sat in his chair Saying, "Tis only fair,
for I ate the entire chocolate cake."
Mysteries of Life
Why do people say, "You just want to have your cake and eat it too?" What use is a cake you can't eat?
(1) An over weight man went to the doctorwho advised him to lose three stone. The doctor recommended that the man should run 5 miles every day for the next 100 days. The patient phoned the doctor exactly 100 days later.
"Have you lost the weight?" asked the doctor.
" I have," said the patient, "but I'm not at all happy with the situation."
"Why not?"
Because I'm 500 miles from home!"
(2) Why are married women heavier than single women? --- SIngle women come home, see whats in the refrigerator and go to bed; married women come home, see whats in bed and go to the refrigerator.
Political Correctness----- A women is not overweight -- she is gravity enhanced.
A woman does not put on weight -- she is a metabolic underachiever.
A woman is not too skinny -- she is skeletally prominent.
Rednecks
You know you're a redneck if...Your wife weighs more than your fridge.
Collective Nouns
Here are some suggestions for new collective nouns:
A plump of weight watcher
*Off topic* but I like anyways
A click of computer mice
A gossip of relatives
A hug of teddy bears
A flood of plumbers
A fright of ghosts
A rhyme of poets.. this list goes on and on.... LOL
Food
Obesity is really widespread. (Joseph O. Kern II)
Limericks
Bill Bounce, being fat for a jockey,
Tried steaming to make him less stocky.
This heated him so
That he had to eat snow,
and change his profession to hockey
A sleeper from the Amazon
put nighties of his gra' mazon-
The reason: that
He was too fat
To get his own Pajamazon
There once was a guy named Jake
Who had very bad stomache ache;
He sat in his chair Saying, "Tis only fair,
for I ate the entire chocolate cake."
Mysteries of Life
Why do people say, "You just want to have your cake and eat it too?" What use is a cake you can't eat?
