rabbitislove
24 Carrot Magic
I need to get some negativity out. I have a yoga class at two I have to teach and dont want to bring that in.
I know I kind of brought this up in the attached or looking thread, so this is a half whine, half gratitude thing. Im just confused, hurt and tired of not feeling good enough for men in real life. Ive always hated these threads, so Im not a fan of myself for making this, but I feel like Ive tapped out everyone IRL, and feel like here is a good place to let it out.
My entire dating life has been that way, you know dating BHM who treat me like Im ugly and stupid, and getting rejected because they can obviously do so much better. I mean the first guy I lost my virginity to raped me near the end of our relationship, and I really should have quit then, instead of imagining it would get better because good really doesnt always win in real life.
Recently its become rediculously bad and I dont even know why. I pretty much ran away to Colorado to get away from my abusive alcoholic ex (abusive ex #2) who was stringing me along. I left after he screamed at me, then demanded I come to his place and while I cried and he just begged for sex the whole time and didnt care that I was crying. Because it was the "last time Id get to see him in a while". It was the last time I saw him. EVAR.
In Colorado, I met the last guy I dated. We'll call him Jim Bob from Wisconsin. I really did think Jim Bob cared for me, but he just strung me along for the sex, and dumped me for the possibility of finding somebody whose "not white trash" and "not a vegetarian". He never said it, but it was pretty obvious I wasnt good enough and he didnt approve of my lifestyle.
So after Jim Bob I got pretty damn depressed but threw myself into school and yoga. I was still scared to approach anyone, so I tried OKcupid. I got one response back, after either getting none or gettin a non responsive brush off, and he seemed like a nice guy and offered to take me out. Until he saw my facebook pictures. He was normally sending me 2 or 3 messages a day, I havent heard from him since yesterday. Probably wont here from him again.
I just want to fucking cry. Im so tired of being treated like Im ugly stupid and trashy. All Ive ever experienced is rejection, and those who take it to the next level only want to hit it and quit it. Its so hard not to feel like theres something wrong with me.
Sooo the gratitude. Thank you to all the wonderful BHM here. You are the only ones who make me feel like a woman should. When Im here, Im special and adored for my looks and my mind. Im so grateful for Dims. Mind you, I see the joys in single life, but we all seek companionship, and even if going on Dims for a few minutes a day is all I have, its enough to keep me going, even when Im at my low points like this.
And Ill get over the hurt from this silly boy. Im going to dry my tears, go teach my class, and possibly see a friend I havent seen in months. Venting helps. If you want to pass the tissues, feel free.
I know I kind of brought this up in the attached or looking thread, so this is a half whine, half gratitude thing. Im just confused, hurt and tired of not feeling good enough for men in real life. Ive always hated these threads, so Im not a fan of myself for making this, but I feel like Ive tapped out everyone IRL, and feel like here is a good place to let it out.
My entire dating life has been that way, you know dating BHM who treat me like Im ugly and stupid, and getting rejected because they can obviously do so much better. I mean the first guy I lost my virginity to raped me near the end of our relationship, and I really should have quit then, instead of imagining it would get better because good really doesnt always win in real life.
Recently its become rediculously bad and I dont even know why. I pretty much ran away to Colorado to get away from my abusive alcoholic ex (abusive ex #2) who was stringing me along. I left after he screamed at me, then demanded I come to his place and while I cried and he just begged for sex the whole time and didnt care that I was crying. Because it was the "last time Id get to see him in a while". It was the last time I saw him. EVAR.
In Colorado, I met the last guy I dated. We'll call him Jim Bob from Wisconsin. I really did think Jim Bob cared for me, but he just strung me along for the sex, and dumped me for the possibility of finding somebody whose "not white trash" and "not a vegetarian". He never said it, but it was pretty obvious I wasnt good enough and he didnt approve of my lifestyle.
So after Jim Bob I got pretty damn depressed but threw myself into school and yoga. I was still scared to approach anyone, so I tried OKcupid. I got one response back, after either getting none or gettin a non responsive brush off, and he seemed like a nice guy and offered to take me out. Until he saw my facebook pictures. He was normally sending me 2 or 3 messages a day, I havent heard from him since yesterday. Probably wont here from him again.
I just want to fucking cry. Im so tired of being treated like Im ugly stupid and trashy. All Ive ever experienced is rejection, and those who take it to the next level only want to hit it and quit it. Its so hard not to feel like theres something wrong with me.
Sooo the gratitude. Thank you to all the wonderful BHM here. You are the only ones who make me feel like a woman should. When Im here, Im special and adored for my looks and my mind. Im so grateful for Dims. Mind you, I see the joys in single life, but we all seek companionship, and even if going on Dims for a few minutes a day is all I have, its enough to keep me going, even when Im at my low points like this.
And Ill get over the hurt from this silly boy. Im going to dry my tears, go teach my class, and possibly see a friend I havent seen in months. Venting helps. If you want to pass the tissues, feel free.
