Tad
Dimensions' loiterer
We all, or at least most of us, have some measure of vanity, and some measure of something which is not vanity but perhaps a relative, the things that we would like to be appreciated for, whether or not we are actually vain about them. For example, to use physical examples, one might like the wave of their hair and the shape of their calves, and want to be appreciated for their hands, whether or not they actually think their hands are particularly worthy of appreciation. For most of us I suspect we have these facets about our physical appearance, about our personality or temperament, and about our intellectual abilities. Sometimes these are little things, like wanting approval for the fact that you absolutely always smile at sales clerks, and sometimes they are major things, like you desperately long for someone to embrace and encourage your poetic nature.
These things that we value about ourselves, or at least that we want others to value about us, are not always what others will notice or appreciate about us. The person longing to have their poetic nature embraced could be an actuarial accountant who is recognized for consistency and hard work and attention to detail. Those latter things may very well be attributes of the person, but complimenting that person on them will warm their heart little more than lavishing praise on the rental car they randomly were assigned at the airportit is all very nice, but it is not something that they value personally so much.
Sometimes, what one wants to be appreciated for is never apt to happen. One could long to be recognized as a tough macho man that nobody messes with, but be short and slight of stature. No matter how many weights are lifted or fighting techniques mastered, that person is not apt to draw that sort of instinctive physical response. This is not to say that this desire cannot be fulfilled at all, just that it is unlikely in a general sense. Such a person could become feared in karate tournaments, their ability and skill apparent enough to draw instinctive respect from those accustomed to recognizing it. But that sort of respect is less apt to happen in, say, a mosh pit. Nor would most women have that instinctive oh, he is big and tough reaction, but some would recognize it, and an insightful partner could learn to praise it.
All of which is really a preamble to my point. I think one of the more common mismatches we hear about here are FA (male or female) ending up with a fat person who does not value their own fat. On the flip side, the fat person who likes their fatness ending up with someone who adores them, but not for their fatness, is in just as awkward a position. I dont know if it is more frustrating to know praising your partners sexy belly will leave them flat if not queasy, or to know that your partner will never find your belly to be erotic. Now, you could be fat, want to be admired, but not find your own fat particularly appealing or something in which you want your partner to be interested. But how do you tell the difference, how do you describe such a person?
That is, we have terms for people who are fat (such as BBW and BHM), and for people who find fat attractive on others (FA). But how do you describe someone who finds fat attractive on themselves?
Any suggestions?
Regards;
-Ed
These things that we value about ourselves, or at least that we want others to value about us, are not always what others will notice or appreciate about us. The person longing to have their poetic nature embraced could be an actuarial accountant who is recognized for consistency and hard work and attention to detail. Those latter things may very well be attributes of the person, but complimenting that person on them will warm their heart little more than lavishing praise on the rental car they randomly were assigned at the airportit is all very nice, but it is not something that they value personally so much.
Sometimes, what one wants to be appreciated for is never apt to happen. One could long to be recognized as a tough macho man that nobody messes with, but be short and slight of stature. No matter how many weights are lifted or fighting techniques mastered, that person is not apt to draw that sort of instinctive physical response. This is not to say that this desire cannot be fulfilled at all, just that it is unlikely in a general sense. Such a person could become feared in karate tournaments, their ability and skill apparent enough to draw instinctive respect from those accustomed to recognizing it. But that sort of respect is less apt to happen in, say, a mosh pit. Nor would most women have that instinctive oh, he is big and tough reaction, but some would recognize it, and an insightful partner could learn to praise it.
All of which is really a preamble to my point. I think one of the more common mismatches we hear about here are FA (male or female) ending up with a fat person who does not value their own fat. On the flip side, the fat person who likes their fatness ending up with someone who adores them, but not for their fatness, is in just as awkward a position. I dont know if it is more frustrating to know praising your partners sexy belly will leave them flat if not queasy, or to know that your partner will never find your belly to be erotic. Now, you could be fat, want to be admired, but not find your own fat particularly appealing or something in which you want your partner to be interested. But how do you tell the difference, how do you describe such a person?
That is, we have terms for people who are fat (such as BBW and BHM), and for people who find fat attractive on others (FA). But how do you describe someone who finds fat attractive on themselves?
Any suggestions?
Regards;
-Ed
