Okay, I like to think of myself as a confident, outgoing person who has a decent self-esteem level and isn't ashamed of their appearance. If that's so...then why am I so embarrassed to go shopping?
I hit the 450lb mark over the holidays, but I think I managed to shed about 15lbs of it during my recent illness. I have diabetes and severe osteoarthritis. I usually take some kind of muscle relaxer (for the back spasms) and a pain med, but I haven't been taking them for awhile. *Be patient..I'm kind of rambling but will get there eventually* I suffer from extreme pain in my hips, knees, and lower back when I over-exert myself.
Now, my pride (stupid pride) won't allow me to use one of those motorized carts when I go shopping. I feel that there are people who need it far more than I do. So there I am, waddling slowly through the store, when I get hit by a gargantuan back spasm. I have to sit NOW!!!! I will sit on whatever is nearby...I have even been known to plop my big butt on the floor and worry about how in the hell I'll get back up later.
Soooooo...to the point to this thread. I'm embarrassed to go shopping. I dread it. I dream of a machine that would allow me to skip shopping day completely. Go to sleep one day...wake up the next with a full pantry. *sigh* Silly, I know.
People stare at me, sneer in my direction, point me out to friends and family, and even make extra trips back by me. That self-same pride (stupid pride) that won't let me ride a motorized cart won't let me cut things short and leave before I'm done with my shopping list. Most people would say, "Why should you? You have the right to shop as well as anyone else!" By the time I leave the store, I'm near tears, snapping poor Joe's head off, and heartily wishing everyone around me to the 7th circle of hell for all eternity. I collapse into the car and cry. Sob, actually, in embarrassment, rage, relief (that it's over for awhile), and self-disgust.
I know this is a very long post and I thank you all for letting me get it off my chest. Today is a shopping day...and I'm crying already.
I hit the 450lb mark over the holidays, but I think I managed to shed about 15lbs of it during my recent illness. I have diabetes and severe osteoarthritis. I usually take some kind of muscle relaxer (for the back spasms) and a pain med, but I haven't been taking them for awhile. *Be patient..I'm kind of rambling but will get there eventually* I suffer from extreme pain in my hips, knees, and lower back when I over-exert myself.
Now, my pride (stupid pride) won't allow me to use one of those motorized carts when I go shopping. I feel that there are people who need it far more than I do. So there I am, waddling slowly through the store, when I get hit by a gargantuan back spasm. I have to sit NOW!!!! I will sit on whatever is nearby...I have even been known to plop my big butt on the floor and worry about how in the hell I'll get back up later.
Soooooo...to the point to this thread. I'm embarrassed to go shopping. I dread it. I dream of a machine that would allow me to skip shopping day completely. Go to sleep one day...wake up the next with a full pantry. *sigh* Silly, I know.
People stare at me, sneer in my direction, point me out to friends and family, and even make extra trips back by me. That self-same pride (stupid pride) that won't let me ride a motorized cart won't let me cut things short and leave before I'm done with my shopping list. Most people would say, "Why should you? You have the right to shop as well as anyone else!" By the time I leave the store, I'm near tears, snapping poor Joe's head off, and heartily wishing everyone around me to the 7th circle of hell for all eternity. I collapse into the car and cry. Sob, actually, in embarrassment, rage, relief (that it's over for awhile), and self-disgust.
I know this is a very long post and I thank you all for letting me get it off my chest. Today is a shopping day...and I'm crying already.
