Do you find that it's easier to just get fat and have people just assume your letting yourself go or to actually come out as wanting to gain? Cause I have the kind of family that would surely judge me on gaining, but seem not to care about me just gaining weight. Especially since I've been steadily gaining over 4 years. Since I live near them they see often and I think it's far less obvious to the people you see every day that you've gained weight. I guess I'm trying to say it's less of a shock. But does it matter? I'm getting what I want. But I think I know what gay people go through trying to hide their desires and how difficult it is.
Secondly, I've met a lot of people online. Now the only time I've ever met up with someone from online was girls on dating websites that lived in the same city.....Phoenix which is pretty large and has plenty choices. But I've never met up with anyone that I met on Dimensions or any other site that is about my fetish. Something about it gives me anxiety attacks. As though if I were to meet up I'd enjoy it so much that it would just launch me out into the open. Which has put me in ackward situations where ffa's will call me a fake....which is not true at all. I'm just still struggling with it, though every year I'm at least 10 pounds heavier. I'm 235 now at 24 and was 160 when I was in high school. Since it seems imminent that I'm going to end up 300+ in my thirties....why not just get there now when I'm younger? So to say the least I have those months where I'll gain like 10 pounds, get a little nervous then starve for a while. And just to add....I've been visiting Dimensions since '99 and remember one time I posted under a completely different alias. Back then I weighed 160 and wanted to know if I would have a belly at 180. That was when the bulletin boards had the beginning thread and showed the response thread links right below it....don't know if some of you remember that. I was 16 then and some older woman replied "Hon, your a twig, you won't even start filling out until 220+" Which she was very right. 160 seems tiny now. Just wonder when 235 will seem thin to me.
Secondly, I've met a lot of people online. Now the only time I've ever met up with someone from online was girls on dating websites that lived in the same city.....Phoenix which is pretty large and has plenty choices. But I've never met up with anyone that I met on Dimensions or any other site that is about my fetish. Something about it gives me anxiety attacks. As though if I were to meet up I'd enjoy it so much that it would just launch me out into the open. Which has put me in ackward situations where ffa's will call me a fake....which is not true at all. I'm just still struggling with it, though every year I'm at least 10 pounds heavier. I'm 235 now at 24 and was 160 when I was in high school. Since it seems imminent that I'm going to end up 300+ in my thirties....why not just get there now when I'm younger? So to say the least I have those months where I'll gain like 10 pounds, get a little nervous then starve for a while. And just to add....I've been visiting Dimensions since '99 and remember one time I posted under a completely different alias. Back then I weighed 160 and wanted to know if I would have a belly at 180. That was when the bulletin boards had the beginning thread and showed the response thread links right below it....don't know if some of you remember that. I was 16 then and some older woman replied "Hon, your a twig, you won't even start filling out until 220+" Which she was very right. 160 seems tiny now. Just wonder when 235 will seem thin to me.
