BigFinchdog
Member
I knew I liked big women when I was about 9. I danced with the biggest girl in our class at a spring dance and didn't think much of it other than "Wow she's really hot and this feels incredible!"
Then I went to school on Monday.
I already got picked on by pretty much everyone so this was like throwing a gas can in a bonfire. To make matters worse, I told her she felt like a teddy bear (tell me you'd have done better in 5th grade) and she hated me forever and started joining in with everyone else picking on me. So I decided that no one could ever know what kind of girls I liked.
My parents didnt find out until senior year when they watched the biggest girl in the marching band flag corps (5'9 300ish) do everything but make out with me in the stands for an entire game. I still hear about it from my mom 8 years later and it's not light-hearted ribbing. My mom is 5'9 and has never weighed more than 160 and that was when she was pregnant with me. She hates fat people indiscriminately so that further pushed me in the closet.
Once I got out of HS for a few months and realized how truly stupid it was to let the opinions of others dictate who I dated I felt a lot better about things but I never really came all the way "out of the closet."
Now that Ive gone to college and held some jobs in varying fields, I realize that it is not always in my best interest to be open about what I like. A lot of times I feel the way a non-racist white person might have felt during the civil rights movement. If I speak up Im at the very least risking getting labeled as a weirdo and at worst I might lose an acquaintance or friend. I've had jobs where I got shunned to the point that my hours got cut because people told management I made them "uncomfortable" and I knew for a fact it was because of my taste in women. If I don't say anything then I'm as bad as someone making fun of fat people. Two of my best friends from HS wont hang out in public with me because they dont want to be seen with "the dude that bangs fat chicks". And I'm not going to even get into what it's done as far as relationships go.
Am I wrong for feeling like this? I feel so ignorant because the internet is really the only place Ive ever been able to discuss this comfortably. I've literally had one friend my entire life whose tastes are similar to mine and is open about it.
I'm sorry this is so long but I refuse to talk about this IRL anymore and I needed an outlet and I talk too much. If you made it all the way through thank you very much!
Then I went to school on Monday.
I already got picked on by pretty much everyone so this was like throwing a gas can in a bonfire. To make matters worse, I told her she felt like a teddy bear (tell me you'd have done better in 5th grade) and she hated me forever and started joining in with everyone else picking on me. So I decided that no one could ever know what kind of girls I liked.
My parents didnt find out until senior year when they watched the biggest girl in the marching band flag corps (5'9 300ish) do everything but make out with me in the stands for an entire game. I still hear about it from my mom 8 years later and it's not light-hearted ribbing. My mom is 5'9 and has never weighed more than 160 and that was when she was pregnant with me. She hates fat people indiscriminately so that further pushed me in the closet.
Once I got out of HS for a few months and realized how truly stupid it was to let the opinions of others dictate who I dated I felt a lot better about things but I never really came all the way "out of the closet."
Now that Ive gone to college and held some jobs in varying fields, I realize that it is not always in my best interest to be open about what I like. A lot of times I feel the way a non-racist white person might have felt during the civil rights movement. If I speak up Im at the very least risking getting labeled as a weirdo and at worst I might lose an acquaintance or friend. I've had jobs where I got shunned to the point that my hours got cut because people told management I made them "uncomfortable" and I knew for a fact it was because of my taste in women. If I don't say anything then I'm as bad as someone making fun of fat people. Two of my best friends from HS wont hang out in public with me because they dont want to be seen with "the dude that bangs fat chicks". And I'm not going to even get into what it's done as far as relationships go.
Am I wrong for feeling like this? I feel so ignorant because the internet is really the only place Ive ever been able to discuss this comfortably. I've literally had one friend my entire life whose tastes are similar to mine and is open about it.
I'm sorry this is so long but I refuse to talk about this IRL anymore and I needed an outlet and I talk too much. If you made it all the way through thank you very much!
