Being a SSBBW in a relationship going down the tubes I have serious thoughts and questions that I want some views on.
Many people think of abuse as a hit or punch. Though many times words hurt you much more than anything else. If i wasn't a strong woman with a lot of confidence words like the ones my Fiance (truthfully I don't know what we are anymore) said might have destroyed me. When I think about a woman who is not like myself hearing words such as these I realize it could break the very foundation of there feelings about themselves. Under no condition should someone be verbally abused and his words spoken to me ring true with Verbal Abuse.
I am asking the thoughts of others because I want a clearer picture on weather others see this as verbal abuse also.
During an argument we were speaking about going out. I would like to spend time with him and feel as though we are a couple. We may live together but quality time together is very rare almost non-existent. He talks about all the things he wants to do and how I don't fit into his picture or i cant do them also. I think compromise would be the answer and i tell him If you let me know when you want to go do something I cant do with you, then i can make arrangements to go with my friends to do something and if i needed you to you can drop me off and pick me up or one or the other depending on if i need a ride at all. Of course giving me cab money would also work.
So he tells me "I can go and get on the train and go where ever i want when i want, It is not my fault that you cant do the same thing.
Another time we discussed the same thing and he told me "I can go and travel around easy and you cant, You cant do what I do, Don't be mad because you cant, That is not my problem and it is not my fault.
Mind you I love being who I am and I have never had a problem with the fact that I cant run up the 45 degree hill by my house and get on the train. That is why I bought the truck I have because together we were suppose to travel and have fun and do thing. I somehow got thrown out of that situation.
It basically comes down the line and I tell him why are you here?
You don't tell me you love me
You don't hug me
You don't kiss me
You don't show me any affection
You don't talk to me
These are things people normally do in a relationship but when i ask you to do any of the above I get an attitude. You put on a good show in front of others but when we are alone it is totally different.
To me it seems like you want to control me. You don't want to let me know about anything you want to do because then i would make plans also. Seems like he rather me be stuck at home while he goes out to do what he wants to do.
The finally blow that made me really made me see that this could be verbal abuse was his statement that make me really feel hurt.
Things have gotten so bad that i told him Maybe i should just go away for a while. The horrible face and attitude were enough but the words he spoke not only hurt but surprised me. I never thought he would say such words.
Where do you think you could go?
I have options I said, There are many people who have asked me to visit them. I have places i can go.
Who is going to want you around, he yelled. No one is going to accommodate you. No one is going to do for you. No one is going to want you around them. You cant just get up and go anywhere you want when you want.
It reminds me of the husband who beats his wife.
No one wants you, etc.
Some people may say he meant it in a different way. He was talking about your size etc. That just makes it worse in my eyes. How are you going to pick me as a SSBBW woman and yet complain when i don't do things the same as others I find a way to do what i want in a comfortable way for me.
I will never forget when he complained about the way i cleaned the bathroom because i sit on the toilet to scrub the tub and floor. I guess cleaning up everyone's shit, piss and body dirt only counts if your standing up or on your knees on the floor. The point was it got clean.
Mind you he hasn't cleaned the bathroom in this house ever.
To me it seems like whatever I do is never good enough because I am not doing it in a way he wasn't to see done. If i sit down and prepare a meal in a comfortable way for myself. It is not good enough because I wasn't standing in front of the stove. I basically stopped cooking because I got tired of not being appreciated.
If i need to take a rest, sit down and relax etc. It becomes a big issue because he doesn't need a rest. He even had a fit because I used a scooter at vegas bash. I thought he would be happy because I was able to go just as fast and faster than him. He put me down because of it. Even though my knees were hurting me because of an injury. Still using a scooter with out an injury isn't a crime. But I wasn't good enough because i used a scooter.
There are many more things said about me through the years but these are the few that really made me realize that verbal abuse has been a part of my life for a while and I didn't even see it or know it at first. The subtle ways and words used to break a person down.
I really want some opinions on this.
Raqui
Many people think of abuse as a hit or punch. Though many times words hurt you much more than anything else. If i wasn't a strong woman with a lot of confidence words like the ones my Fiance (truthfully I don't know what we are anymore) said might have destroyed me. When I think about a woman who is not like myself hearing words such as these I realize it could break the very foundation of there feelings about themselves. Under no condition should someone be verbally abused and his words spoken to me ring true with Verbal Abuse.
I am asking the thoughts of others because I want a clearer picture on weather others see this as verbal abuse also.
During an argument we were speaking about going out. I would like to spend time with him and feel as though we are a couple. We may live together but quality time together is very rare almost non-existent. He talks about all the things he wants to do and how I don't fit into his picture or i cant do them also. I think compromise would be the answer and i tell him If you let me know when you want to go do something I cant do with you, then i can make arrangements to go with my friends to do something and if i needed you to you can drop me off and pick me up or one or the other depending on if i need a ride at all. Of course giving me cab money would also work.
So he tells me "I can go and get on the train and go where ever i want when i want, It is not my fault that you cant do the same thing.
Another time we discussed the same thing and he told me "I can go and travel around easy and you cant, You cant do what I do, Don't be mad because you cant, That is not my problem and it is not my fault.
Mind you I love being who I am and I have never had a problem with the fact that I cant run up the 45 degree hill by my house and get on the train. That is why I bought the truck I have because together we were suppose to travel and have fun and do thing. I somehow got thrown out of that situation.
It basically comes down the line and I tell him why are you here?
You don't tell me you love me
You don't hug me
You don't kiss me
You don't show me any affection
You don't talk to me
These are things people normally do in a relationship but when i ask you to do any of the above I get an attitude. You put on a good show in front of others but when we are alone it is totally different.
To me it seems like you want to control me. You don't want to let me know about anything you want to do because then i would make plans also. Seems like he rather me be stuck at home while he goes out to do what he wants to do.
The finally blow that made me really made me see that this could be verbal abuse was his statement that make me really feel hurt.
Things have gotten so bad that i told him Maybe i should just go away for a while. The horrible face and attitude were enough but the words he spoke not only hurt but surprised me. I never thought he would say such words.
Where do you think you could go?
I have options I said, There are many people who have asked me to visit them. I have places i can go.
Who is going to want you around, he yelled. No one is going to accommodate you. No one is going to do for you. No one is going to want you around them. You cant just get up and go anywhere you want when you want.
It reminds me of the husband who beats his wife.
No one wants you, etc.
Some people may say he meant it in a different way. He was talking about your size etc. That just makes it worse in my eyes. How are you going to pick me as a SSBBW woman and yet complain when i don't do things the same as others I find a way to do what i want in a comfortable way for me.
I will never forget when he complained about the way i cleaned the bathroom because i sit on the toilet to scrub the tub and floor. I guess cleaning up everyone's shit, piss and body dirt only counts if your standing up or on your knees on the floor. The point was it got clean.
Mind you he hasn't cleaned the bathroom in this house ever.
To me it seems like whatever I do is never good enough because I am not doing it in a way he wasn't to see done. If i sit down and prepare a meal in a comfortable way for myself. It is not good enough because I wasn't standing in front of the stove. I basically stopped cooking because I got tired of not being appreciated.
If i need to take a rest, sit down and relax etc. It becomes a big issue because he doesn't need a rest. He even had a fit because I used a scooter at vegas bash. I thought he would be happy because I was able to go just as fast and faster than him. He put me down because of it. Even though my knees were hurting me because of an injury. Still using a scooter with out an injury isn't a crime. But I wasn't good enough because i used a scooter.
There are many more things said about me through the years but these are the few that really made me realize that verbal abuse has been a part of my life for a while and I didn't even see it or know it at first. The subtle ways and words used to break a person down.
I really want some opinions on this.
Raqui
