wrestlingguy
"Bitter Old Man"
Found this on someone's blog page, and thought it might be good to post it in Dimensions, for those who haven't seen it.
Link to original blog can be found HERE
Its possible, though probably unlikely, that it was directed at me. I say possible because a lot of people misunderstand what it means to promote fat acceptance, or Health At Every Size or Intuitive Eating. I say unlikely because anyone who thinks this about me has a fundamental misunderstanding of who I am and what I stand for, yet I know that my message is one that is easily misunderstood or misconstrued, too. Some people assume that promoting fat acceptance means I am anti-thin people. That couldnt be further from the truth. Im for body acceptance in general. That being said, there is a reality in our society that thin bodies are considered healthy, desirable bodies and that fat bodies are considered ugly, unhealthy bodies. This is just a simple fact. So, it is absolutely true that I tend to be more proactive about promoting images, articles, websites, etc. that focus on viewing fat bodies in a more positive light.
I am the proud owner of a body that happens to be fat. Im not proud of my body because its fat. Im proud of my body because its my body. Its the only one I have. Its broken, in many ways that have nothing to do with it being fat, but its still the only body I have. Like your body, or anyone elses body, my body is amazing. It does all the remarkable, incredible things bodies do. Admittedly, mine has some quirks (like an autoimmune disease). But, still. Im here because of my body. Like your body, my body is beautiful.
But Ive been told my entire life my body is ugly. Ive been force fed the message repeatedly that my fat body isnt good enough, isnt worthy of love, isnt amazing and isnt sexy. Ive been given the same message millions of girls all over the world have been given. Thin bodies are the only acceptable bodies. Thin bodies are the only healthy bodies. Thin bodies are the only attractive bodies. For years and years, like so many other girls, teens and women, I fed into that myth. I believed my body to be ugly and unacceptable. I did everything in my power to try to make it not be what it was to make it not be a fat body. Each attempt at being thinner made me a bit thinner, for a little while. Ultimately, though, even when I did everything right, the weight would come back. Sometimes it would bring friends with it, which was just salt poured into the wound that was failure. Except this is actually a studied phenomenon and it doesnt even relate to genetics. Dieting is probably partly to blame for the so-called obesity epidemic. Worse, dieting contributes to the development of eating disorders, and that was very much the case for me. I was put on my first diet at the age of 8. I spent the next 2+ decades yo-yo dieting.
My fat body is not a lifestyle choice. I didnt choose to be fat anymore than the thin person chooses to be thin. Some of us are able to manipulate our bodies into being what they arent, from a weight perspective. If not long term, at least short term, many of us can either lose or gain weight to try to be the size we want to be, or the size were told we should be, but for the vast majority of us, this change is not permanent. Have you ever wondered why celebrities who gain weight for movie roles are able to lose it so easily? Or if they lose weight (and muscle mass), theyre back to their more typical weight/body type quickly? Its because these are generally people who are starting from somewhere near their bodys set point.
I couldnt even begin to guess what my bodys set point actually is, and Im not even sure my body knows at this time. I spent way too many years yo-yo dieting, losing 25 pounds, gaining 30 overexercising, restricting food intake, binge eating. On top of that, I have Hashimotos Disease, PCOS and fibromyalgia. Ive had 3 surgeries in just over 3 years. My body has been through hell and back, and my ability to exercise was impacted by that. Its sad, really. When I was able to exercise, and did so regularly, I hated it passionately. I hated it despite the fact that it made me feel good mentally, that it helped me sleep better, that I was proud of myself for being brave enough to exercise in a gym in notoriously fat-phobic NYC (in a very pretentious area, nonetheless). Why? I hated it because I was doing it to lose weight. It was supposed to make me thinner. It never did, but I kept doing it right up until the fibromyalgia caused my first exercise related injury and I was forced to stop. I wish I hadnt wasted time making it about weight loss. I wish Id realized then that, even without losing a single pound, exercise would make me healthier. I wish my focus had actually been on health, but despite what Id have insisted to be the case at the time, it had little to nothing to do with being healthier, and nearly everything to do with being more socially acceptable. Which is sort of odd for me because Ive always been a rebel and Ive never much cared what people thought about me. However, where my weight was concerned, a lot of my issues came from my family. I know this is true for a lot of people who have struggled with their weight, or even with just their perceived body image. Its sad that families dont recognize the critical role they play in the building of our confidence, or that, even worse, in some cases, they simply dont give a damn.
The point is this my body size isnt a lifestyle choice. Not dieting, and trying to adopt a Health At Every Size approach? Now, that IS a lifestyle choice. Its one that has revolutionized my life, and one I dont regret for even a minute. And if that message was directed at me, I have to laugh at the get help, because I did get help. I worked with an eating disorder therapist on adopting an Intuitive Eating based approach to life for eighteen months. I did a phone session with one of the co-authors of the book. Help is how I got here, and I am so incredibly grateful for it because to think of what Id still be doing to myself otherwise? Thats horrible. It was hell. That endless roller coaster of dieting. The emotional turmoil. The self-hatred it so frequently inspired. The competition amongst other dieting friends, or for a while, even my husband. Not for me. No thanks.
Does that mean you shouldnt diet? Of course not. You get to make your own choices, just as I have. You have to find your own path to happiness and inner peace.
As for thin-shaming, its never okay. Its not anymore okay than fat-shaming. I do want to make a point, though. This may not be something easily understood, and Im sure it will be controversial, but as a fat person who once bought into the whole real women have curves mentality, I want to try to explain why. When you grow up being told over and over your body type is ugly, you can become desperate to latch onto any seemingly positive message that is directed at your body type. When I used to like such things on facebook, or wherever, I didnt realize the flip side of that message. I honestly didnt realize that the message was one that put down a different body type. I only saw it from the holy shit, thats a fat chick in a bikini and she looks happy and awesome perspective. It didnt dawn on me, ironically until I began my IE journey with the eating disorder specialist, that by liking images like that I was actually implying women who didnt look like me were somehow less than. I never meant to do that, and I ultimately realized I was guilty of doing what had been done to me. Someone who is new to the process of accepting their body may be in that same boat. They may not realize that something they think is body positive is really only promoting a positive message for one type of body, not an inclusive message. Of course, the alternative is also possible. It may be that the person actually feels that way. Im not one to dictate how anyone should feel, or what another person should find appealing or attractive. Were all entitled to our own feelings and opinions. However, were not entitled to be assholes about them. Thats when it crosses the line from a feeling, belief or opinion and becomes bullying, oppression or bigotry. Thats not okay.
So many of us have our own battles with how we look, or how we feel we are perceived by others. I have naturally petite relatives who are given stupid advice like oh, youre so thin maybe you should eat more. And of course, most of my life Ive been asked, even by complete strangers, do you really need to eat that? My body is not yours to police, just as yours is not mine to police. You get to eat what you want. I get to eat what I want. End of story. But please, to those of you reading this who are thin, ask yourselves this question have you ever heard a little girl say she wants to grow up to be fat? My guess is you havent. People have said theyd rather lose limbs than be fat, or give up their marriages or a year of their lives. The vast majority would rather give up $1,000 than gain 20 pounds. In fact, there have been studies to demonstrate that little girls as young as 3 years-old prefer thin over fat. So what is my point? My point is this no one has the right to shame you for being thin. Ever. Its wrong, it sucks and its just as bad as shaming a fat person. However, its very likely that the person thin-shaming is envious maybe not even consciously of a body she cant have herself. Whereas, I am pretty damn sure that not one person who has every body shamed me wanted to be my size. This is part of why my focus tends to be on promoting body positive things related to fat people but it doesnt mean, for even one minute, that I think its okay to thin shame. It doesnt mean I wont call thin shaming out if I see it. I have and I will.
Why is this worth mentioning? Well, because Id like to live in a world where no body is shamed, because we dont look at each other and think, gee, I wish I looked like that instead of like this. I wish we lived in a world where it was as okay to have a thigh gap as it is not have one. Or vice versa. I want to live in a world where people wouldnt dream, for even one minute, of giving up a marriage rather than being fat, or of choosing to be blind or lose limbs over having a body type that is that vilified and hated by so many. Id like to live in a world where someone who loses weight isnt automatically presumed to be sick, or a drug addict or dieting. Id like our world to be one where we dont feel the need to say to someone, oh hey, you look great youve lost weight, implying that the person didnt look great to begin with, or assuming that the weight loss was intentional, and not the result of emotional trauma (like the death of a loved one, or a divorce) or a horrible illness (like cancer). We dont live in that world, and I am not idealistic enough to believe it will ever be quite that perfect or simple, but I am a fighter and I will do all that I can to help make that world a reality. Some things, no matter how unlikely, are worth fighting for and to me, this is one of those things.
Link to original blog can be found HERE
Its possible, though probably unlikely, that it was directed at me. I say possible because a lot of people misunderstand what it means to promote fat acceptance, or Health At Every Size or Intuitive Eating. I say unlikely because anyone who thinks this about me has a fundamental misunderstanding of who I am and what I stand for, yet I know that my message is one that is easily misunderstood or misconstrued, too. Some people assume that promoting fat acceptance means I am anti-thin people. That couldnt be further from the truth. Im for body acceptance in general. That being said, there is a reality in our society that thin bodies are considered healthy, desirable bodies and that fat bodies are considered ugly, unhealthy bodies. This is just a simple fact. So, it is absolutely true that I tend to be more proactive about promoting images, articles, websites, etc. that focus on viewing fat bodies in a more positive light.
I am the proud owner of a body that happens to be fat. Im not proud of my body because its fat. Im proud of my body because its my body. Its the only one I have. Its broken, in many ways that have nothing to do with it being fat, but its still the only body I have. Like your body, or anyone elses body, my body is amazing. It does all the remarkable, incredible things bodies do. Admittedly, mine has some quirks (like an autoimmune disease). But, still. Im here because of my body. Like your body, my body is beautiful.
But Ive been told my entire life my body is ugly. Ive been force fed the message repeatedly that my fat body isnt good enough, isnt worthy of love, isnt amazing and isnt sexy. Ive been given the same message millions of girls all over the world have been given. Thin bodies are the only acceptable bodies. Thin bodies are the only healthy bodies. Thin bodies are the only attractive bodies. For years and years, like so many other girls, teens and women, I fed into that myth. I believed my body to be ugly and unacceptable. I did everything in my power to try to make it not be what it was to make it not be a fat body. Each attempt at being thinner made me a bit thinner, for a little while. Ultimately, though, even when I did everything right, the weight would come back. Sometimes it would bring friends with it, which was just salt poured into the wound that was failure. Except this is actually a studied phenomenon and it doesnt even relate to genetics. Dieting is probably partly to blame for the so-called obesity epidemic. Worse, dieting contributes to the development of eating disorders, and that was very much the case for me. I was put on my first diet at the age of 8. I spent the next 2+ decades yo-yo dieting.
My fat body is not a lifestyle choice. I didnt choose to be fat anymore than the thin person chooses to be thin. Some of us are able to manipulate our bodies into being what they arent, from a weight perspective. If not long term, at least short term, many of us can either lose or gain weight to try to be the size we want to be, or the size were told we should be, but for the vast majority of us, this change is not permanent. Have you ever wondered why celebrities who gain weight for movie roles are able to lose it so easily? Or if they lose weight (and muscle mass), theyre back to their more typical weight/body type quickly? Its because these are generally people who are starting from somewhere near their bodys set point.
I couldnt even begin to guess what my bodys set point actually is, and Im not even sure my body knows at this time. I spent way too many years yo-yo dieting, losing 25 pounds, gaining 30 overexercising, restricting food intake, binge eating. On top of that, I have Hashimotos Disease, PCOS and fibromyalgia. Ive had 3 surgeries in just over 3 years. My body has been through hell and back, and my ability to exercise was impacted by that. Its sad, really. When I was able to exercise, and did so regularly, I hated it passionately. I hated it despite the fact that it made me feel good mentally, that it helped me sleep better, that I was proud of myself for being brave enough to exercise in a gym in notoriously fat-phobic NYC (in a very pretentious area, nonetheless). Why? I hated it because I was doing it to lose weight. It was supposed to make me thinner. It never did, but I kept doing it right up until the fibromyalgia caused my first exercise related injury and I was forced to stop. I wish I hadnt wasted time making it about weight loss. I wish Id realized then that, even without losing a single pound, exercise would make me healthier. I wish my focus had actually been on health, but despite what Id have insisted to be the case at the time, it had little to nothing to do with being healthier, and nearly everything to do with being more socially acceptable. Which is sort of odd for me because Ive always been a rebel and Ive never much cared what people thought about me. However, where my weight was concerned, a lot of my issues came from my family. I know this is true for a lot of people who have struggled with their weight, or even with just their perceived body image. Its sad that families dont recognize the critical role they play in the building of our confidence, or that, even worse, in some cases, they simply dont give a damn.
The point is this my body size isnt a lifestyle choice. Not dieting, and trying to adopt a Health At Every Size approach? Now, that IS a lifestyle choice. Its one that has revolutionized my life, and one I dont regret for even a minute. And if that message was directed at me, I have to laugh at the get help, because I did get help. I worked with an eating disorder therapist on adopting an Intuitive Eating based approach to life for eighteen months. I did a phone session with one of the co-authors of the book. Help is how I got here, and I am so incredibly grateful for it because to think of what Id still be doing to myself otherwise? Thats horrible. It was hell. That endless roller coaster of dieting. The emotional turmoil. The self-hatred it so frequently inspired. The competition amongst other dieting friends, or for a while, even my husband. Not for me. No thanks.
Does that mean you shouldnt diet? Of course not. You get to make your own choices, just as I have. You have to find your own path to happiness and inner peace.
As for thin-shaming, its never okay. Its not anymore okay than fat-shaming. I do want to make a point, though. This may not be something easily understood, and Im sure it will be controversial, but as a fat person who once bought into the whole real women have curves mentality, I want to try to explain why. When you grow up being told over and over your body type is ugly, you can become desperate to latch onto any seemingly positive message that is directed at your body type. When I used to like such things on facebook, or wherever, I didnt realize the flip side of that message. I honestly didnt realize that the message was one that put down a different body type. I only saw it from the holy shit, thats a fat chick in a bikini and she looks happy and awesome perspective. It didnt dawn on me, ironically until I began my IE journey with the eating disorder specialist, that by liking images like that I was actually implying women who didnt look like me were somehow less than. I never meant to do that, and I ultimately realized I was guilty of doing what had been done to me. Someone who is new to the process of accepting their body may be in that same boat. They may not realize that something they think is body positive is really only promoting a positive message for one type of body, not an inclusive message. Of course, the alternative is also possible. It may be that the person actually feels that way. Im not one to dictate how anyone should feel, or what another person should find appealing or attractive. Were all entitled to our own feelings and opinions. However, were not entitled to be assholes about them. Thats when it crosses the line from a feeling, belief or opinion and becomes bullying, oppression or bigotry. Thats not okay.
So many of us have our own battles with how we look, or how we feel we are perceived by others. I have naturally petite relatives who are given stupid advice like oh, youre so thin maybe you should eat more. And of course, most of my life Ive been asked, even by complete strangers, do you really need to eat that? My body is not yours to police, just as yours is not mine to police. You get to eat what you want. I get to eat what I want. End of story. But please, to those of you reading this who are thin, ask yourselves this question have you ever heard a little girl say she wants to grow up to be fat? My guess is you havent. People have said theyd rather lose limbs than be fat, or give up their marriages or a year of their lives. The vast majority would rather give up $1,000 than gain 20 pounds. In fact, there have been studies to demonstrate that little girls as young as 3 years-old prefer thin over fat. So what is my point? My point is this no one has the right to shame you for being thin. Ever. Its wrong, it sucks and its just as bad as shaming a fat person. However, its very likely that the person thin-shaming is envious maybe not even consciously of a body she cant have herself. Whereas, I am pretty damn sure that not one person who has every body shamed me wanted to be my size. This is part of why my focus tends to be on promoting body positive things related to fat people but it doesnt mean, for even one minute, that I think its okay to thin shame. It doesnt mean I wont call thin shaming out if I see it. I have and I will.
Why is this worth mentioning? Well, because Id like to live in a world where no body is shamed, because we dont look at each other and think, gee, I wish I looked like that instead of like this. I wish we lived in a world where it was as okay to have a thigh gap as it is not have one. Or vice versa. I want to live in a world where people wouldnt dream, for even one minute, of giving up a marriage rather than being fat, or of choosing to be blind or lose limbs over having a body type that is that vilified and hated by so many. Id like to live in a world where someone who loses weight isnt automatically presumed to be sick, or a drug addict or dieting. Id like our world to be one where we dont feel the need to say to someone, oh hey, you look great youve lost weight, implying that the person didnt look great to begin with, or assuming that the weight loss was intentional, and not the result of emotional trauma (like the death of a loved one, or a divorce) or a horrible illness (like cancer). We dont live in that world, and I am not idealistic enough to believe it will ever be quite that perfect or simple, but I am a fighter and I will do all that I can to help make that world a reality. Some things, no matter how unlikely, are worth fighting for and to me, this is one of those things.
