I'd like to get some opinions on a specific angle of the topic in the subject line. I'm sure we've discussed this before (though perhaps not the angle I'm taking) and I think even *I* have weighed in, but I can't find evidence of it. If you do, please link and I can continue the discussion there.
So the background is that I just watched an older video a woman made for her LD boyfriend. She used the word love to describe her feelings for him and expressed her plans to spend the rest of her life with him. She thinks he's wonderful, she feels she knows a lot about him, feels they'd be perfect together forever, and again, loves him and considers them to be boyfriend and girlfriend (or perhaps even fiances, I don't know).
But they've never met one another.
Typing, yes. Talking, yes. Skyping (with a visual component), yes. But they have never stood in the same room at all.
Now, for me, this is strange. I call LDRs like this relationships, absolutely. I think most people would agree that talking to someone many hours per day does let you know a lot about that person, and also forces you to think and discuss and communicate in ways you probably wouldn't if you spent time in one another's presence (by which I mean: if you talk on the phone for 2 hours, you're talking the whole time. If you spend 2 hours together, you might be watching a movie and saying very little).
So, let me be clear: I'm not trying to invalidate the significance of online (or longhand pen pal, or whatever) relationships--of meeting someone or knowing someone online. I'm also not denying that feelings of affection can grow, sometimes very strongly.
But I know I wouldn't use the word love, or boyfriend, before I'd met someone in real life in some significant (days, not hours, etc.) way. I wouldn't plan a future and I wouldn't get engaged. I wouldn't assume we were perfect for one another, or that a real-life meeting would play out exactly as we imagined it in the bubble that is long distance, and I definitely wouldn't assume that a person was, in reality, the way he described himself over the phone. That's not to say he'd be lying (though, certainly, we've all seen evidence of some Very Big Lies), but assuming self-reported truths are accurate is probably very naive. A man could tell me that his work ethic is very important to me, and he could believe that to be the truth, but if I talked to his boss and colleagues, I might hear a very different story. If gainful, professional employment in a mate is important to me, then this union may not be blissful; I wouldn't know that 'til my level of social interaction with him was much greater than can be engaged in without seeing someone in his larger environment.
I've been online since the late 1980s (yikes!); I've seen the rise of online meetings and relationships and I've done my own share of online flirting and all of that. I have always seen these relationships as being, at least at some point down the road, different from face to face relationships. At least until people meet, that is. But, I know from reading what other people have to say, that not everyone agrees with me.
So I'm curious as to what others think, whether or not you've engaged in this kind of behavior. Again, I'm not saying you can't get to know someone or feel very connected or have intimacy; but where do you personally stand on using boy/girl friend, using the word love (and meaning it in the traditional sense), planning a future together, etc., before you've actually met? What's your take on people who DO do those things?
So the background is that I just watched an older video a woman made for her LD boyfriend. She used the word love to describe her feelings for him and expressed her plans to spend the rest of her life with him. She thinks he's wonderful, she feels she knows a lot about him, feels they'd be perfect together forever, and again, loves him and considers them to be boyfriend and girlfriend (or perhaps even fiances, I don't know).
But they've never met one another.
Typing, yes. Talking, yes. Skyping (with a visual component), yes. But they have never stood in the same room at all.
Now, for me, this is strange. I call LDRs like this relationships, absolutely. I think most people would agree that talking to someone many hours per day does let you know a lot about that person, and also forces you to think and discuss and communicate in ways you probably wouldn't if you spent time in one another's presence (by which I mean: if you talk on the phone for 2 hours, you're talking the whole time. If you spend 2 hours together, you might be watching a movie and saying very little).
So, let me be clear: I'm not trying to invalidate the significance of online (or longhand pen pal, or whatever) relationships--of meeting someone or knowing someone online. I'm also not denying that feelings of affection can grow, sometimes very strongly.
But I know I wouldn't use the word love, or boyfriend, before I'd met someone in real life in some significant (days, not hours, etc.) way. I wouldn't plan a future and I wouldn't get engaged. I wouldn't assume we were perfect for one another, or that a real-life meeting would play out exactly as we imagined it in the bubble that is long distance, and I definitely wouldn't assume that a person was, in reality, the way he described himself over the phone. That's not to say he'd be lying (though, certainly, we've all seen evidence of some Very Big Lies), but assuming self-reported truths are accurate is probably very naive. A man could tell me that his work ethic is very important to me, and he could believe that to be the truth, but if I talked to his boss and colleagues, I might hear a very different story. If gainful, professional employment in a mate is important to me, then this union may not be blissful; I wouldn't know that 'til my level of social interaction with him was much greater than can be engaged in without seeing someone in his larger environment.
I've been online since the late 1980s (yikes!); I've seen the rise of online meetings and relationships and I've done my own share of online flirting and all of that. I have always seen these relationships as being, at least at some point down the road, different from face to face relationships. At least until people meet, that is. But, I know from reading what other people have to say, that not everyone agrees with me.
So I'm curious as to what others think, whether or not you've engaged in this kind of behavior. Again, I'm not saying you can't get to know someone or feel very connected or have intimacy; but where do you personally stand on using boy/girl friend, using the word love (and meaning it in the traditional sense), planning a future together, etc., before you've actually met? What's your take on people who DO do those things?
