Kawaii Pudding
Active Member
I have been thinking a lot about those words, you guys have NO idea. Those words haunt me in my sleep sometime.
As of recently I've kind of gotten to the point of "I guess I'll be content being alone" because of media continuously throwing in my face that I'm either a fetish or something shameful and sometimes I will win the prize and be considered both at one time! Someone recently told me I was the "triple threat" of the things you don't want to be seen dating (a 1. Fat 2. Black 3. American woman) and he also informed me that he would rather "go gay" then to ever let himself be suckered into "boning me"
I'm not saying I don't think he's a jerk or a douche but what I am saying is so many people think that and it has me in an almost depressed state. Yes I am black and YES I am a fat ass woman. I'm not denying those things at all. I am not however, a stereotype. I have no kids, I'm not loud, I'm not agressive, I don't control everything, and a lot of these other labels that are pinned to me do NOT apply to MY personality (okay fine I do love fried chicken but come on...it's FRIED FREAKIN CHICKEN) I'm actually polar opposite of most of these sterotypes and it upsets me when I do have Caucasian friends say things like "that was a race card moment" or "now isn't the time to act ethnic" I even had one tell me I'm not black enough (not even in color but in mannerisms and etiquette) to be offended by the N word....WHAT?! Bare with me here I'm getting to the point of why I started this thread. So far you're being a super duper trooper.
When I am on dating sites (and even a few times on here) I always get "I've never had black *meow* before" "I'd love to try a taste of chocolate" " I've always wanted to be with a fat black bitch" um...sir. First off, hello to you too and where is the thought process coming from that make you think it's okay to call me a bitch or make my race a deciding factor on whether or not you want to have sex with me NOT EVEN DATE OR TALK TO ME but just stick it on in there. Oh but don't forget about the part where when I say no thanks I'm in the wrong then I'm a *insert something EXTREMELY racist as well as something about my weight* and stop before you think "oh maybe it's how you represent yourself" I never mention ANYTHING sexual and on most of these places I do a full profile with tons of information to build real common grounds as well as a section where I say I'm not looking for casual sex or hookups "maybe it's an age thing" wrong again it happens with men of ALL ages.
I feel as if not only do I have to fight the fat shaming I constantly go through but I feel as though I'm skin shamed? (is that a thing?) Even on here I don't tend to see many women of color who I can talk to or vent to about this "lost in my own world" feeling which is why this loving me is not a fetish thing bothers me so much WHY DO I HAVE TO SAY THAT LOVING ME ISN'T A FETISH shouldn't it be obvious? I'm a great (well I'm at the LEAST an okay) person to be around, I'm funny and witty, I'm easygoing, and I'm very compassionate...what's not to love? Please women of color (and men that love them) give me some insight. Does it get better/easier? Do you notice it? Do you care any longer if it's ever happened to you?
As of recently I've kind of gotten to the point of "I guess I'll be content being alone" because of media continuously throwing in my face that I'm either a fetish or something shameful and sometimes I will win the prize and be considered both at one time! Someone recently told me I was the "triple threat" of the things you don't want to be seen dating (a 1. Fat 2. Black 3. American woman) and he also informed me that he would rather "go gay" then to ever let himself be suckered into "boning me"
I'm not saying I don't think he's a jerk or a douche but what I am saying is so many people think that and it has me in an almost depressed state. Yes I am black and YES I am a fat ass woman. I'm not denying those things at all. I am not however, a stereotype. I have no kids, I'm not loud, I'm not agressive, I don't control everything, and a lot of these other labels that are pinned to me do NOT apply to MY personality (okay fine I do love fried chicken but come on...it's FRIED FREAKIN CHICKEN) I'm actually polar opposite of most of these sterotypes and it upsets me when I do have Caucasian friends say things like "that was a race card moment" or "now isn't the time to act ethnic" I even had one tell me I'm not black enough (not even in color but in mannerisms and etiquette) to be offended by the N word....WHAT?! Bare with me here I'm getting to the point of why I started this thread. So far you're being a super duper trooper.
When I am on dating sites (and even a few times on here) I always get "I've never had black *meow* before" "I'd love to try a taste of chocolate" " I've always wanted to be with a fat black bitch" um...sir. First off, hello to you too and where is the thought process coming from that make you think it's okay to call me a bitch or make my race a deciding factor on whether or not you want to have sex with me NOT EVEN DATE OR TALK TO ME but just stick it on in there. Oh but don't forget about the part where when I say no thanks I'm in the wrong then I'm a *insert something EXTREMELY racist as well as something about my weight* and stop before you think "oh maybe it's how you represent yourself" I never mention ANYTHING sexual and on most of these places I do a full profile with tons of information to build real common grounds as well as a section where I say I'm not looking for casual sex or hookups "maybe it's an age thing" wrong again it happens with men of ALL ages.
I feel as if not only do I have to fight the fat shaming I constantly go through but I feel as though I'm skin shamed? (is that a thing?) Even on here I don't tend to see many women of color who I can talk to or vent to about this "lost in my own world" feeling which is why this loving me is not a fetish thing bothers me so much WHY DO I HAVE TO SAY THAT LOVING ME ISN'T A FETISH shouldn't it be obvious? I'm a great (well I'm at the LEAST an okay) person to be around, I'm funny and witty, I'm easygoing, and I'm very compassionate...what's not to love? Please women of color (and men that love them) give me some insight. Does it get better/easier? Do you notice it? Do you care any longer if it's ever happened to you?
