jmccray789
New Member
Hi everybody. I'm a newbie here, and facing a very difficult situation that I'd like your informed opinions on. Some background:
I'm 26 and have struggled with my weight throughout my life. I've always been chubby, but when I hit college, big took a turn for the bigger. I am 5'7, and at my highest weight I was 250 lbs. After college I became increasingly unhappy with my size and decided to drop the weight. I lost about 125 lbs. Unable to maintain, I promptly gained back 45. I'm now at 170 lbs and chubby once more, but am reaching that point where I'm feeling unhappy and like I want to lose at least some of the weight again.
Enter my husband. We've been together for over 10 years, and he's seen me at all weights. He fell in love with me before I gained dramatically (back when I was just chubby). However, as I began losing weight the first time around, we began having serious problems when my husband revealed to me that he is a FA, and that it was adamantly important to him that I remain large. I did, and do, respect his attraction to large women, and understand that this is a very legitimate desire for him. However, I couldn't help feeling manipulated by his pleas that I change my body to better suit his needs, especially when I wasn't happy in the body he wanted me to have. This issue drove us apart for several months as I continued to lose weight against his wishes, but we found our way back to each other because we love each other very much in spite of what I'm afraid may be an irreconcileable difference.
He was thrilled when I gained back the 45 pounds and counting, and I was and am miserable. Now that he sees me making an effort to lose weight again, we're right back to square one and fighting constantly about this issue. He feels that I don't care whether he's attracted to me or not. I DO care -- I just don't think I can do what he needs me to do. I love him and I want him to be happy, but I want to be happy, too.
This might be a ridiculous question, but is there any hope to be had in this situation? Or should we go where I'm afraid we're heading, and separate over it? This is the only problem we've ever had in the entire course of our otherwise beautiful 11-year-relationship.
I'm 26 and have struggled with my weight throughout my life. I've always been chubby, but when I hit college, big took a turn for the bigger. I am 5'7, and at my highest weight I was 250 lbs. After college I became increasingly unhappy with my size and decided to drop the weight. I lost about 125 lbs. Unable to maintain, I promptly gained back 45. I'm now at 170 lbs and chubby once more, but am reaching that point where I'm feeling unhappy and like I want to lose at least some of the weight again.
Enter my husband. We've been together for over 10 years, and he's seen me at all weights. He fell in love with me before I gained dramatically (back when I was just chubby). However, as I began losing weight the first time around, we began having serious problems when my husband revealed to me that he is a FA, and that it was adamantly important to him that I remain large. I did, and do, respect his attraction to large women, and understand that this is a very legitimate desire for him. However, I couldn't help feeling manipulated by his pleas that I change my body to better suit his needs, especially when I wasn't happy in the body he wanted me to have. This issue drove us apart for several months as I continued to lose weight against his wishes, but we found our way back to each other because we love each other very much in spite of what I'm afraid may be an irreconcileable difference.
He was thrilled when I gained back the 45 pounds and counting, and I was and am miserable. Now that he sees me making an effort to lose weight again, we're right back to square one and fighting constantly about this issue. He feels that I don't care whether he's attracted to me or not. I DO care -- I just don't think I can do what he needs me to do. I love him and I want him to be happy, but I want to be happy, too.
This might be a ridiculous question, but is there any hope to be had in this situation? Or should we go where I'm afraid we're heading, and separate over it? This is the only problem we've ever had in the entire course of our otherwise beautiful 11-year-relationship.
