craigisnutter
Well-Known Member
Hi guys,
I don't really know where to start with all this. So if it's a bit all over the place, i can only apologise.
Let me set the backstory first. I'm 24, live in Romford, Essex, or for those that don't know, the outskirts of London. I've always been a suvere Asthmatic and to control how bad my Asthma was, from the age of 7-16 i was on copious amounts of steroids, hence me ballooning out. At my heaviest i was 34 stone....that's somewhere around the 480 lbs mark i believe.
Up until about 4 and half years ago, i had never had a relationship, a girlfriend and was a virign. But in the space of a few months, i met 2 girls who i had 1 night stands with and then a girl who i ended up dating for 3 years and who i now have a child with. It turned out though that she was using me the entire time and broke up with me as soon as she found out she was pregnant. She used me for money, attention and pretty much as a sperm doner. Obviously this knocked my confidence, which was next to nothing anyway, for six.
The 2 girls i slept with i had no realy attraction to, didn't think they were particularly nice people, i was just fed up of being lonely, unloved and a virign. I regret it whole heartedly now. Then with the relationship....well i thought i felt sumthing, but being used and everything......i don't even know.
Then just over 6 weeks ago, i had WLS. More precisely i had a Gastric Sleeve operation. I know this isn't liked on this forum, but it's part of this story and part of my life. If it helps to know my reasons, i wanted to see my daughter, who i love with all my heart, even if she was gotten through ill-begotten circumstances, i wanted to see her grow up, liver her life, get married etc. I wanted a better way of life, as things started getting harder to do etc.
I'll be perfectly frank and honest too, ive never met a FFA and tbh, don't think i ever will. So there was some selfish, self loathing behind the WLS too. Anyway, in 6 weeks i have lost 4 stone.
But in a year, the most im likely to lose it 16-18 stone. Now i know that sounds alot, but i am still gonna be a big guy. I'll never be thin or 'fit', cos my body just isn't built to get down to that.
Anyway, i think that's enough of the backstory and explanation etc. So here's where my mindset is at the moment.
I am a very emotionally connected person anyway and i just feel i have all this love to give to someone, all this caring and compassion and no-one wants it.
The whole world looks at the outside and although, if i do say so myself, i have a cute good looking face, im constantly mocked and have the piss taken for being so enormous.
Granted, when i drop all the weight, i will look alot more appealing, but firstly, the excess skin, a shallow, looks obsessed person wont wanna be with sum1 with excess skin. Even though its only temporary, until i get the plastic surgery they offer. But that could take years before i get that. Secondly, i don't wana sum1 who is with me for just the way i look, i want sum1 i have a deep connection with, sum1 who likes me for who i am, not wat i am. But if the shopfront isn't appealing, they're not gonna walk in the front door.
I just feel like it's a dead end and i'm never gonna be in a position, where i can have a loving, commited, caring relationship with someone!!
Any help people....im actually begging. Mentally, i'm a mess.
I don't really know where to start with all this. So if it's a bit all over the place, i can only apologise.
Let me set the backstory first. I'm 24, live in Romford, Essex, or for those that don't know, the outskirts of London. I've always been a suvere Asthmatic and to control how bad my Asthma was, from the age of 7-16 i was on copious amounts of steroids, hence me ballooning out. At my heaviest i was 34 stone....that's somewhere around the 480 lbs mark i believe.
Up until about 4 and half years ago, i had never had a relationship, a girlfriend and was a virign. But in the space of a few months, i met 2 girls who i had 1 night stands with and then a girl who i ended up dating for 3 years and who i now have a child with. It turned out though that she was using me the entire time and broke up with me as soon as she found out she was pregnant. She used me for money, attention and pretty much as a sperm doner. Obviously this knocked my confidence, which was next to nothing anyway, for six.
The 2 girls i slept with i had no realy attraction to, didn't think they were particularly nice people, i was just fed up of being lonely, unloved and a virign. I regret it whole heartedly now. Then with the relationship....well i thought i felt sumthing, but being used and everything......i don't even know.
Then just over 6 weeks ago, i had WLS. More precisely i had a Gastric Sleeve operation. I know this isn't liked on this forum, but it's part of this story and part of my life. If it helps to know my reasons, i wanted to see my daughter, who i love with all my heart, even if she was gotten through ill-begotten circumstances, i wanted to see her grow up, liver her life, get married etc. I wanted a better way of life, as things started getting harder to do etc.
I'll be perfectly frank and honest too, ive never met a FFA and tbh, don't think i ever will. So there was some selfish, self loathing behind the WLS too. Anyway, in 6 weeks i have lost 4 stone.
But in a year, the most im likely to lose it 16-18 stone. Now i know that sounds alot, but i am still gonna be a big guy. I'll never be thin or 'fit', cos my body just isn't built to get down to that.
Anyway, i think that's enough of the backstory and explanation etc. So here's where my mindset is at the moment.
I am a very emotionally connected person anyway and i just feel i have all this love to give to someone, all this caring and compassion and no-one wants it.
The whole world looks at the outside and although, if i do say so myself, i have a cute good looking face, im constantly mocked and have the piss taken for being so enormous.
Granted, when i drop all the weight, i will look alot more appealing, but firstly, the excess skin, a shallow, looks obsessed person wont wanna be with sum1 with excess skin. Even though its only temporary, until i get the plastic surgery they offer. But that could take years before i get that. Secondly, i don't wana sum1 who is with me for just the way i look, i want sum1 i have a deep connection with, sum1 who likes me for who i am, not wat i am. But if the shopfront isn't appealing, they're not gonna walk in the front door.
I just feel like it's a dead end and i'm never gonna be in a position, where i can have a loving, commited, caring relationship with someone!!
Any help people....im actually begging. Mentally, i'm a mess.
