This is so hard for me to say so please bear with me.
But I must say it -- there's no other situation in which I feel as though I can say this. You all seem like such wonderful, supportive people.
I'm SO conflicted!!!
Part of me wants SO BADLY to get fat. {It's important for me to say the word "fat" because I've avoided it so much in my life -- it's therapeutic for me to say it.} But another part of me is so scared, so hesitant, and very concerned I don't have the "guts." However, the desire is so strong sometimes, it's insane.
And I find myself thinking about it just about all the time. What's up with that? {Lately, I've been really looking so admiringly at "bigger" people, more so than even before.} I've tried so hard to figure out why. Maybe cuz I'm experiencing some really tough stuff in my life right now. Maybe it's connected to a comfort thing.
But as I explained in my introductory post, I've fantasized and dreamed of getting fat since I was a little girl. Maybe I'm just not quite ready. I don't know....
But I felt compelled to share. It helps take the pressure off. So, thank you for that.
I truly don't know what to do.
I love this forum, though; I will say that.
This is a little embarassing, but thanks for letting me share. There's more I could say, but that's enough for now.
Crystal
But I must say it -- there's no other situation in which I feel as though I can say this. You all seem like such wonderful, supportive people.
I'm SO conflicted!!!
Part of me wants SO BADLY to get fat. {It's important for me to say the word "fat" because I've avoided it so much in my life -- it's therapeutic for me to say it.} But another part of me is so scared, so hesitant, and very concerned I don't have the "guts." However, the desire is so strong sometimes, it's insane.
And I find myself thinking about it just about all the time. What's up with that? {Lately, I've been really looking so admiringly at "bigger" people, more so than even before.} I've tried so hard to figure out why. Maybe cuz I'm experiencing some really tough stuff in my life right now. Maybe it's connected to a comfort thing.
But as I explained in my introductory post, I've fantasized and dreamed of getting fat since I was a little girl. Maybe I'm just not quite ready. I don't know....
But I felt compelled to share. It helps take the pressure off. So, thank you for that.
I truly don't know what to do.
I love this forum, though; I will say that.
This is a little embarassing, but thanks for letting me share. There's more I could say, but that's enough for now.
Crystal
