Edens_heel
Well-Known Member
... Rather a BBW Admirer.
Permit me to explain: I used to be somewhat active on Dimensions, but in recent months my attendance has dwindled to almost nothing. I've been struggling with why it is I came here in the first place, what it means to be an FA, and all things related to my nature and desire to do my part for size acceptance.
I think the straw that broke the camel's back for me was a looong time ago, when a thoughtful and, to me, important post was made by Susannah regarding the nature of the pay site board and her personal issues towards it. There were a few intelligent and thought-provoking posts, but it quickly devolved into a slap-fest with even the web master tossing on the gloves. It made me lose a lot of respect for the site, but in the end I stuck with it (though to a lesser degree) because Dimensions is truly the only genuinely size-accepting community online (Fat Forums seems too sexualized, and Curvage... well that is just a trash site for people touching themselves to as many photos as they can in record time). Lately though, I've noticed myself waning again, and I want to explain why to see if I'm alone, or if any other FA's share this conflict.
In short: I am a health nut. I've been obsessed with keeping my own body in shape for close to a decade now, and it's caused a number of struggles with food in my life, but in the end I'm come to a healthy middle ground where it's still a definite focus, but not a commanding one. Now, I have known I am an FA for many years (since back in high school in the 1990's, but it was Melissa McCarthy on Gilmore Girls that cinched it for me), and have been with a wonderful, amazing BBW for more than two years. I love how she looks and feels and wouldn't change a thing. But here's the catch: she's athletic. She likes her curves, loves that I love the soft and squishy belly, arms, legs, etc., and definitely loves food, but in no way does she desire to be unhealthy. She's the definition of an athletic BBW. Her only issue comes when she gets to a certain size and then experiences back pain due to her chest size. I personally find then that my thoughts travel to "well, then we should find a way to get some of this weight off as fast and healthily as possible."
I am not trying to make an argument that the lifestyles some BBW's choose to lead are unhealthy or dangerous, because you have to be extremely naive or uninformed to believe the myth of fat=unhealthy. We all know that's a crock of sh*t. But what I'm finding, and that this is leaving me feeling somewhat lost in the sea of Dimensions, is that the purposeful gaining, the posts that start with "look how much I've gained!" or "Watch me down an entire family pizza!", are leaving me feeling cold to the cause, that I'm finding that the term FA is becoming synonymous with literally just that for some people: Fat lust. Not admiration for the person or the whole, but for the jiggle, folds, dimples, cellulite, etc. And I find that the more I think about that, the more I struggle to want to call myself an FA. I don't want to see someone struggling to fit through a doorway, or into a chair, or losing their breath as they climb to the top of a flight of stairs (there was a thread on the appeal of unfitness a while back that made me feel a little ill, like it was almost finding attraction in the abuse of another, whether it was self or third party inflicted), but at the same time, yes I am attracted, and almost exclusively, to BBW's.
So what do you all think? Am I alone in this? Am I way off base or are there any other so-called FA's that share my concerns? In the end, my desire is to lead the longest, best life I can, and it's not for me to judge what anyone else deems as their perfect existence, but I find I am struggling to accept some of the ones I see on display here. I know that being fat doesn't mean beyond a shadow of a doubt that your life is going to be shorter, or filled with medical or physical difficulties, but to some of the extremes exhibited I find it hard to believe otherwise. I love that my girl is a confident and sexy BBW, and we are incredibly happy together, but I find there are just too many aspects to extreme weights and purposeful gaining that warp the idea of what I thought an FA was that I just don't know how to support the concept anymore. I am entirely for size acceptance in all it's forms, but this struggle is there and it is growing as I get older. In the end, what I'm realizing is that the act of fat admiration seems to be taking over a sect of the Dimensions population to the point where it's no longer about the person, just the fat. That is something I know I cannot be a part of if that is becoming more and more of the case.
Anyone else have any thoughts?
Permit me to explain: I used to be somewhat active on Dimensions, but in recent months my attendance has dwindled to almost nothing. I've been struggling with why it is I came here in the first place, what it means to be an FA, and all things related to my nature and desire to do my part for size acceptance.
I think the straw that broke the camel's back for me was a looong time ago, when a thoughtful and, to me, important post was made by Susannah regarding the nature of the pay site board and her personal issues towards it. There were a few intelligent and thought-provoking posts, but it quickly devolved into a slap-fest with even the web master tossing on the gloves. It made me lose a lot of respect for the site, but in the end I stuck with it (though to a lesser degree) because Dimensions is truly the only genuinely size-accepting community online (Fat Forums seems too sexualized, and Curvage... well that is just a trash site for people touching themselves to as many photos as they can in record time). Lately though, I've noticed myself waning again, and I want to explain why to see if I'm alone, or if any other FA's share this conflict.
In short: I am a health nut. I've been obsessed with keeping my own body in shape for close to a decade now, and it's caused a number of struggles with food in my life, but in the end I'm come to a healthy middle ground where it's still a definite focus, but not a commanding one. Now, I have known I am an FA for many years (since back in high school in the 1990's, but it was Melissa McCarthy on Gilmore Girls that cinched it for me), and have been with a wonderful, amazing BBW for more than two years. I love how she looks and feels and wouldn't change a thing. But here's the catch: she's athletic. She likes her curves, loves that I love the soft and squishy belly, arms, legs, etc., and definitely loves food, but in no way does she desire to be unhealthy. She's the definition of an athletic BBW. Her only issue comes when she gets to a certain size and then experiences back pain due to her chest size. I personally find then that my thoughts travel to "well, then we should find a way to get some of this weight off as fast and healthily as possible."
I am not trying to make an argument that the lifestyles some BBW's choose to lead are unhealthy or dangerous, because you have to be extremely naive or uninformed to believe the myth of fat=unhealthy. We all know that's a crock of sh*t. But what I'm finding, and that this is leaving me feeling somewhat lost in the sea of Dimensions, is that the purposeful gaining, the posts that start with "look how much I've gained!" or "Watch me down an entire family pizza!", are leaving me feeling cold to the cause, that I'm finding that the term FA is becoming synonymous with literally just that for some people: Fat lust. Not admiration for the person or the whole, but for the jiggle, folds, dimples, cellulite, etc. And I find that the more I think about that, the more I struggle to want to call myself an FA. I don't want to see someone struggling to fit through a doorway, or into a chair, or losing their breath as they climb to the top of a flight of stairs (there was a thread on the appeal of unfitness a while back that made me feel a little ill, like it was almost finding attraction in the abuse of another, whether it was self or third party inflicted), but at the same time, yes I am attracted, and almost exclusively, to BBW's.
So what do you all think? Am I alone in this? Am I way off base or are there any other so-called FA's that share my concerns? In the end, my desire is to lead the longest, best life I can, and it's not for me to judge what anyone else deems as their perfect existence, but I find I am struggling to accept some of the ones I see on display here. I know that being fat doesn't mean beyond a shadow of a doubt that your life is going to be shorter, or filled with medical or physical difficulties, but to some of the extremes exhibited I find it hard to believe otherwise. I love that my girl is a confident and sexy BBW, and we are incredibly happy together, but I find there are just too many aspects to extreme weights and purposeful gaining that warp the idea of what I thought an FA was that I just don't know how to support the concept anymore. I am entirely for size acceptance in all it's forms, but this struggle is there and it is growing as I get older. In the end, what I'm realizing is that the act of fat admiration seems to be taking over a sect of the Dimensions population to the point where it's no longer about the person, just the fat. That is something I know I cannot be a part of if that is becoming more and more of the case.
Anyone else have any thoughts?
