First, the questions, then the explanation behind them:
What would you do/feel if your partner lost weight and you just wanted him/her to gain instead? Would it affect your feelings for him/her og could you just live with it? I've heard of people who just couldn't live with their partner's loss and left them. Would you do the same? Would you still be attracted to your partner?
Have you had any experince about this yourself or are you just guessing what you would do?
Now, to the explanation:
Well, I think I have to admit that I'm an FA - and a feeder to some extent, too, though I have an upper limit at about 300-330lbs, I think. Since I met my wife, she has put on almost 100lbs. Here this summer she reached her highest, 264lbs. She had been gaining the last 40 lbs on purpuse just to please me, and, OH ME OH MY, I was pleased! I just couldn't stop saying nice things to her, spoiling her and so on. She indeed enjoyed all my attention but she didn't like her figure. I tried but she was not able to look at herself in the mirror with my eyes. She just saw a way too fat girl with a way too big belly in the mirror and her mother also started saying not very nice things to her about her size. She was getting very sad and especially when she saw herself in a mirror or in a shop window. She managed to keep her sadness partly inside herself so I didn't see very much of it.
One day I met a woman on a chat. She was a feedee and I let my wife chat a bit with her. I thought she would get a god experience from this, but no, I shouldn't have done that. It just made her more sad and she started a forum thread on a forum for women here in Denmark where she told about me fattening her up and that se just didn't like it and wanted to stop. She let me read it and the answers she got (those were not very nice all of them, and especially not those directed at me), and I understood that she did not like her size. Something happened inside me, because where I didn't have success in showing her her own body seen with my eyes, I now saw her body with her eyes and it made me very sad.
I know that it has been naive of me to hope that some day she would enjoy her gain but I guess I'm not the only feeder who has made this mistake.
I agreed to let her lose all the weight she wanted, although I hate to see her weight just melt away. Since the 1st of July she has lost 23lbs, down to 241 and she continues at a speed of 2lbs a week.
I really, really try to just live with her loss, but it is definitely not easy. My thoughts are rotating about it very often, and it's so difficult to act normally when being together with her. Now I just want her to lose her weight as fast as possible, partly to sort of punish myself. I've lost a lot of appetite myself and has lost around 20lbs myself also. She doesn't like that but I can't help it. I'm very angry with her mother who said rude things to her. I'm angry with the whole Western community and its ridiculous beauty norms making voluptuous women feel guilty.
In addition to that I have difficulties to feel attracted to her. What should I feel? If enjoy her curves I enjoy something that she doesn't like and that just makes me sad. If I don't enjoy them I go straight against my nature. I really don't know what to do. I think the result of all this is me acting like an angry little spoiled kid who didn't get the goodies it wanted. I feel so stupid and I also feel that I'm a not very good husband. My love for her ought to be more important than her fulfilling my fantasies. I feel sorry for her and I really want to be a good husband for her.
I say all this to create som attention about this also, and I want to see what other people have been doing and thinking in a situation like mine.
Good advice is welcomed.
What would you do/feel if your partner lost weight and you just wanted him/her to gain instead? Would it affect your feelings for him/her og could you just live with it? I've heard of people who just couldn't live with their partner's loss and left them. Would you do the same? Would you still be attracted to your partner?
Have you had any experince about this yourself or are you just guessing what you would do?
Now, to the explanation:
Well, I think I have to admit that I'm an FA - and a feeder to some extent, too, though I have an upper limit at about 300-330lbs, I think. Since I met my wife, she has put on almost 100lbs. Here this summer she reached her highest, 264lbs. She had been gaining the last 40 lbs on purpuse just to please me, and, OH ME OH MY, I was pleased! I just couldn't stop saying nice things to her, spoiling her and so on. She indeed enjoyed all my attention but she didn't like her figure. I tried but she was not able to look at herself in the mirror with my eyes. She just saw a way too fat girl with a way too big belly in the mirror and her mother also started saying not very nice things to her about her size. She was getting very sad and especially when she saw herself in a mirror or in a shop window. She managed to keep her sadness partly inside herself so I didn't see very much of it.
One day I met a woman on a chat. She was a feedee and I let my wife chat a bit with her. I thought she would get a god experience from this, but no, I shouldn't have done that. It just made her more sad and she started a forum thread on a forum for women here in Denmark where she told about me fattening her up and that se just didn't like it and wanted to stop. She let me read it and the answers she got (those were not very nice all of them, and especially not those directed at me), and I understood that she did not like her size. Something happened inside me, because where I didn't have success in showing her her own body seen with my eyes, I now saw her body with her eyes and it made me very sad.
I know that it has been naive of me to hope that some day she would enjoy her gain but I guess I'm not the only feeder who has made this mistake.
I agreed to let her lose all the weight she wanted, although I hate to see her weight just melt away. Since the 1st of July she has lost 23lbs, down to 241 and she continues at a speed of 2lbs a week.
I really, really try to just live with her loss, but it is definitely not easy. My thoughts are rotating about it very often, and it's so difficult to act normally when being together with her. Now I just want her to lose her weight as fast as possible, partly to sort of punish myself. I've lost a lot of appetite myself and has lost around 20lbs myself also. She doesn't like that but I can't help it. I'm very angry with her mother who said rude things to her. I'm angry with the whole Western community and its ridiculous beauty norms making voluptuous women feel guilty.
In addition to that I have difficulties to feel attracted to her. What should I feel? If enjoy her curves I enjoy something that she doesn't like and that just makes me sad. If I don't enjoy them I go straight against my nature. I really don't know what to do. I think the result of all this is me acting like an angry little spoiled kid who didn't get the goodies it wanted. I feel so stupid and I also feel that I'm a not very good husband. My love for her ought to be more important than her fulfilling my fantasies. I feel sorry for her and I really want to be a good husband for her.
I say all this to create som attention about this also, and I want to see what other people have been doing and thinking in a situation like mine.
Good advice is welcomed.
