ZainTheInsane
Well-Known Member
I sit here tonight wondering a lot. My ex girlfriend just told me that all the e-mails she sent me were subtle hints to try to win her back. That she wanted me to find these messages, and fight for her, to stop running away and come back into her life. She's been doing this for two years.
And after she said that...I just didn't know what to say...I mean, what do you say to that?
I remember all the e-mails she sent me...telling me about her life, how she was doing, how she'd moved on, and how she was with this guy named Rick. Considering the way we parted ways, and how horrible I felt about how I ended it, I felt genuinely happy for her...she'd found someone who she loved and loves her. I remember thinking how awesome that was for her, and how I was envious that she'd found someone so, as she described...amazing.
I talked to her on and off over these past to years...mostly in short bits and pieces, never lasting very long. She told me about this, and that...she told me the day Rick proposed, she told me about getting her house built, and her grand mother passing away.
And I, being the thick headed male I am I thought she was happy as could be, and I know it may seem incredibly naive, or simple...but I really was happy for her...because I'd broken up with her in a horrible way, and I'd hated myself for a long time afterwards...and to know that I could apologize, and she'd forgiven me, and that she was on her way to living her dreams, I thought was wonderful, and a sign that perhaps I too could find my dreams and live them too.
But, tonight she told me, and though i don't have all the e-mails she sent me...I looked at the ones I had and for the first time, I saw what she meant, comprehending what she'd put in there. I am not sure why I didn't see it before...it seems so obvious now.
I couldn't handle it...I told her I had to go, and I said good night, hanging up before she could respond.
She sent me an instant message later, that said, "this isn't over....."
I'm not sure if it is because she wants to understand what I was thinking those past two years...or if she wants to know why it all happened the way it did, or a dozen different why questions she could ask.
But, I put up an away message, because she isn't answering her phone, and she isn't online...so, I decided to answer her as best I could until I got a hold of her to tell her for myself.
This is what I said
Today I learned that someone had wanted me to fight for the past two years for her. I don't know what you say to that...I don't read into messages looking for hidden meanings. I don't try to find what a girl wants me to do, and do it. I see the words, and I see what I want to see...I see happiness, hope, and success despite a troubled past.
And I realized, I am over her, and that she's over me. And all we're doing is kicking up the dust of the past. But change happens. As surely as anything does, and time moves on. And I can't do anything now but wish her the best. And hope that she has it.
Now it is time for me to move on, to stop procrastinating about my future by dwelling in the past. I've spent two years convincing myself that she was what I wanted. But she isn't...she's another man's love, and his life. Not mine...no, not mine.
I wish you well...with all of my heart. Perhaps we'll talk again someday. Until then, have an amazing life, and stop looking through a house that's empty, when you already have one that is full.
In any case...I don't really know what to say...and any advice would be helpful...
I also have to ask...not to bring up something painful for anyone...
But have you ever been in this situation? Wondering whether you still love someone, and then finding out that they're still in love with you...what would you do, what do you say? What's the honorable thing to do? What's the right thing to do?
I guess this isn't so much philosophy as it is an askance for help and advice. Because I'm lost...and I don't know what to do.
And after she said that...I just didn't know what to say...I mean, what do you say to that?
I remember all the e-mails she sent me...telling me about her life, how she was doing, how she'd moved on, and how she was with this guy named Rick. Considering the way we parted ways, and how horrible I felt about how I ended it, I felt genuinely happy for her...she'd found someone who she loved and loves her. I remember thinking how awesome that was for her, and how I was envious that she'd found someone so, as she described...amazing.
I talked to her on and off over these past to years...mostly in short bits and pieces, never lasting very long. She told me about this, and that...she told me the day Rick proposed, she told me about getting her house built, and her grand mother passing away.
And I, being the thick headed male I am I thought she was happy as could be, and I know it may seem incredibly naive, or simple...but I really was happy for her...because I'd broken up with her in a horrible way, and I'd hated myself for a long time afterwards...and to know that I could apologize, and she'd forgiven me, and that she was on her way to living her dreams, I thought was wonderful, and a sign that perhaps I too could find my dreams and live them too.
But, tonight she told me, and though i don't have all the e-mails she sent me...I looked at the ones I had and for the first time, I saw what she meant, comprehending what she'd put in there. I am not sure why I didn't see it before...it seems so obvious now.
I couldn't handle it...I told her I had to go, and I said good night, hanging up before she could respond.
She sent me an instant message later, that said, "this isn't over....."
I'm not sure if it is because she wants to understand what I was thinking those past two years...or if she wants to know why it all happened the way it did, or a dozen different why questions she could ask.
But, I put up an away message, because she isn't answering her phone, and she isn't online...so, I decided to answer her as best I could until I got a hold of her to tell her for myself.
This is what I said
Today I learned that someone had wanted me to fight for the past two years for her. I don't know what you say to that...I don't read into messages looking for hidden meanings. I don't try to find what a girl wants me to do, and do it. I see the words, and I see what I want to see...I see happiness, hope, and success despite a troubled past.
And I realized, I am over her, and that she's over me. And all we're doing is kicking up the dust of the past. But change happens. As surely as anything does, and time moves on. And I can't do anything now but wish her the best. And hope that she has it.
Now it is time for me to move on, to stop procrastinating about my future by dwelling in the past. I've spent two years convincing myself that she was what I wanted. But she isn't...she's another man's love, and his life. Not mine...no, not mine.
I wish you well...with all of my heart. Perhaps we'll talk again someday. Until then, have an amazing life, and stop looking through a house that's empty, when you already have one that is full.
In any case...I don't really know what to say...and any advice would be helpful...
I also have to ask...not to bring up something painful for anyone...
But have you ever been in this situation? Wondering whether you still love someone, and then finding out that they're still in love with you...what would you do, what do you say? What's the honorable thing to do? What's the right thing to do?
I guess this isn't so much philosophy as it is an askance for help and advice. Because I'm lost...and I don't know what to do.
