This has been a very odd week for me, full of some really really good things, and some really really bad things, and I'm quite sad right now. The trigger for my immediate sadness was reading the obituary of a girl who had committed suicide. I've been following her story for a few weeks, since her and her friend disappeared a few weeks ago, only to be found dead last week in a double suicide. Horribly tragic, and so frustrating to know that some teenagers hurt so much that suicide seems like their only option.
The local media suggests that they died in some sort of lover's suicide pact, but I guess no one will ever know all the reasons they may have chosen to die. It breaks my heart to think about how many people, of all ages, feel so much pain that suicide looks like relief, looks like a good thing to do. Believe me, I'm not naive about depression, and maybe thats why this touches me so, because I KNOW how much it hurts to feel hopeless. But still, I look at the descriptions of these people's lives, and read of family, friends, and pets, jobs and school and careers, and see beautiful smiling faces in photos, and its too much. I'm at a loss to describe how awful it is to think about what could have been done to change this outcome, and even more pained to realize that maybe nothing could have been done to change these girls' minds.
For many of us, I imagine our adolescence was difficult at times. I know for me, trying to reconcile being fat and queer in a time when there were no Gay/Straight Alliances in school (and HIV/AIDS was still sending people into a panic about swimming pools and drinking fountains, for example), was horrible at times. So horrible, in fact, that I did try to commit suicide, and received subpar therapy after the fact that estranged me more from my feelings and my parents. But somehow I've muddled through, and believe me, it is tough work, just being alive and trying to focus on the good stuff when the bad stuff is more plentiful.
I'm not sure if there is a point to this post. I do hope that if anyone here at Dimensions feels low, feels lost and alone and hopeless, that they'll ask for our support. It may be a cliche, but for those of you younger than I, wondering if things will ever get better, they do. Not by magic, and not all the time, and it involves a lot of work, but life has moments of transcendence and beauty to offer us if we just take a moment to look. And those moments of bliss and peace are what we can cling to when things get painful again.
I hope everyone who reads this takes a moment to reflect on one happy thing, and to offer a kind word to one person who looks like they need it. And if you are one to pray, please offer some word of grace to the two young girls who took their life.
The local media suggests that they died in some sort of lover's suicide pact, but I guess no one will ever know all the reasons they may have chosen to die. It breaks my heart to think about how many people, of all ages, feel so much pain that suicide looks like relief, looks like a good thing to do. Believe me, I'm not naive about depression, and maybe thats why this touches me so, because I KNOW how much it hurts to feel hopeless. But still, I look at the descriptions of these people's lives, and read of family, friends, and pets, jobs and school and careers, and see beautiful smiling faces in photos, and its too much. I'm at a loss to describe how awful it is to think about what could have been done to change this outcome, and even more pained to realize that maybe nothing could have been done to change these girls' minds.
For many of us, I imagine our adolescence was difficult at times. I know for me, trying to reconcile being fat and queer in a time when there were no Gay/Straight Alliances in school (and HIV/AIDS was still sending people into a panic about swimming pools and drinking fountains, for example), was horrible at times. So horrible, in fact, that I did try to commit suicide, and received subpar therapy after the fact that estranged me more from my feelings and my parents. But somehow I've muddled through, and believe me, it is tough work, just being alive and trying to focus on the good stuff when the bad stuff is more plentiful.
I'm not sure if there is a point to this post. I do hope that if anyone here at Dimensions feels low, feels lost and alone and hopeless, that they'll ask for our support. It may be a cliche, but for those of you younger than I, wondering if things will ever get better, they do. Not by magic, and not all the time, and it involves a lot of work, but life has moments of transcendence and beauty to offer us if we just take a moment to look. And those moments of bliss and peace are what we can cling to when things get painful again.
I hope everyone who reads this takes a moment to reflect on one happy thing, and to offer a kind word to one person who looks like they need it. And if you are one to pray, please offer some word of grace to the two young girls who took their life.
