Growing up I was teased a lot and made to feel ugly for being larger than other children. It would hurt the most when boys would make fun of me. And not only did I get harassed at school but I was also made to feel gross and ugly at home. Looking at me now no one would believe the things that I endured as a child. I am often told that I am pretty and get plenty of attention from attractive men. Here is the problem: when a handsome man shows interest in me this horrible biochemical reaction occurs - I tense up, I feel my adrenalin shoot through the roof, and I almost feel like I want to cry. It is akin to feeling as if one is about to be attacked. Although I understand intellectually that I am worthy of this attention there is another part of me that cannot help but fear it.
Many years ago I buried these feelings and feigned confidence. But all that changed 4 years ago when I decided that I would remain abstinent until marriage (I know, I know). Now it seems that in order for me to have physical intimacy (making out) I have to feel extremely comfortable with a man. And that has not happened in over 3 years. I find this especially difficult in our cultural climate where there is a 3 date standard.
There is one good thing to come out of all of this - now that I understand myself better I feel that when I do get into a relationship I will be a more loving and tender partner than before. But the problem lies in my initial flight or fight reaction. For this reason I tend to date guys that are not on my level because they do not pose any threat to me. But what I really want is an intimate relationship with an equal. How does one go about that when I can't even get past an eyebrow raise and a hello?
Do any of you suffer from extreme shyness and/or need a lot of time before you open up? And if any men ready this, what is your reaction to a woman who is obviously shy and/or frightened by your advances? And last but not least... do you have any advice as to how I can overcome this irrational reaction to men?
Many years ago I buried these feelings and feigned confidence. But all that changed 4 years ago when I decided that I would remain abstinent until marriage (I know, I know). Now it seems that in order for me to have physical intimacy (making out) I have to feel extremely comfortable with a man. And that has not happened in over 3 years. I find this especially difficult in our cultural climate where there is a 3 date standard.
There is one good thing to come out of all of this - now that I understand myself better I feel that when I do get into a relationship I will be a more loving and tender partner than before. But the problem lies in my initial flight or fight reaction. For this reason I tend to date guys that are not on my level because they do not pose any threat to me. But what I really want is an intimate relationship with an equal. How does one go about that when I can't even get past an eyebrow raise and a hello?
Do any of you suffer from extreme shyness and/or need a lot of time before you open up? And if any men ready this, what is your reaction to a woman who is obviously shy and/or frightened by your advances? And last but not least... do you have any advice as to how I can overcome this irrational reaction to men?
