Hello guys, I wanted to share my relationship story/situation with you to get some outside perspective, because I don't really have anyone to talk about it with. I'll try to cut things short, because if I started my usual storytelling you'd fall asleep in the middle at best 
. So, here it is, in points, to facilitate being brief:
1. I am a FA, who is somewhat excited by female weight gain and love of food. I'm not a feeder, I don't have feeder fantasies, but I do like cooking for my lady and giving her treats whenever she wants it. I guess some might call me an enabler.
2. My significant other, with whom I've been for over 6 years now and to whom I've been married for over a year now, is a BBW and a foodee. She loves good healthy food and eats more "junky" foods in true moderation (a pizza a week at most and a bit of sweet treats every other day). She likes bigger (but not huge) portions sometimes, but most of the time she likes them the same size as mine (and I stick to rather average ones).
She seemingly has "fat" genes in her family, since quite a number of people in it are fat. Her family has also a history of insulin related problems (up to type II diabetes in more severe cases), but in her case this comes down to slight insulin resistance (slight enough not be confirmed by blood glucose tests). Moreover, two years ago she has developed hypothyroidism after a certain viral infection, but this has been under control for the last year and now she feels good again.
As for her weight, she has been chubby and the fat basically all her life, starting at 5-6 y.o., and has been gaining steadily until we met, when she was 185 lbs or so. Sometimes before that she had short periods when she did not gain and once, after a severe diet paired with exercises, which lasted 2 months, she lost... 2 lbs. After that experience she basically quit any attempts to lose weight actively. After we met she continued gaining, and perhaps it even increased a bit, because she knew from the very beginning that I'm an FA and won't mind if that happens (at the very least). So it was going like 5-8 lbs a year for the first 4 years, but then she got that infection and for a year was not aware, that her thyroid started malfunctioning. So during that year she gained like 20 lbs. At the beginning of 2013 she was diagnosed and put on thyroid medication, and lost 10 lbs within 2-3 months, but I suppose it was mostly water weight, as she stopped being swollen after starting medication and, since then, she regained almost all the weight that she lost, being 230 lbs now.
3. Why is she conflicted? Well, she basically is ok with being a big girl and, frankly, is more accepting of herself now than those 40 lbs ago. However, what frustrates her is the fact that she can't lose weight even if she really wanted to. Or maybe I should actually say, the consequences of going onto a straight diet or exercise regimen cause her to drop any such plans after a month (optimistically) or a week (in most past situations I observed). I do not discourage her to do it or, rather, I have not discouraged her until recently, when she told me she is not frustrated that much by the gain itself but by her failure to control her body and lose weight. The truth is, her conditions combined (slight insulin resistance + hypothyroidism) make it very hard to lose weight without very strong will, motivation and sacrifice. And for someone who loves food, especially Italian, I guess it's even harder. So, after her last breakdown I suggested that she should stop trying to lose weight, as it frustrates her even further and leads to an even faster gain when she gives up the diet and makes up for the days of being hungry, and just attempt to maintain it or at least slow it down to almost a halt, like 1-2 lbs a year, which would be possible without going all nazi on food and going to the gym. So now she just has a piece of cake much less often, we agreed on not having pizza more often than once in 3-4 weeks and we go on walks more often, and plan to hit the swimming pool soon too. I told her if it results in any weight loss - great, that means she can control it, if not - great too, its still under control and not going up into the range which she might find uncomfortable. And if it keeps growing, but slower - then it's still an improvement and at least she'll be fat and healthy. So it's been a week and I guess she feels more at peace then ever, but I guess we need more time to see how all of this will turn out.
4. Why am I confused? Well, the above reasoning I have shown was made with best intentions, but I do like her big, I like those extra 40some lbs she put on since we met and I'm wondering, whether I'm doing the right thing or just something that puts her at ease while I retain the pleasure of looking at and caressing her full (and potentially even fuller) figure. I know she hates diets and heavy exercising and loves food, so this minimum approach that I suggested is convenient for her for sure, but is it the best? I mean, I also told her that if despite the actions taken there occur any worrying symptoms that might be attributed to her weight, I will support her with losing weight even to the point of holding her on course at the moments of weakness or doubt, and I mean it, but I'm still having second thought. It was the first time that I actually discouraged her from trying to lose weight. Earlier I was very rigid about not doing that, because I never wanted her to feel like I want her to get bigger - just made her feel good in whatever size she was at the moment.
I guess that's most of it... I'd be happy to hear some opinions about this whole situation. If anyone has any questions in order to clarify something, I'll do my best to answer them.
. So, here it is, in points, to facilitate being brief:1. I am a FA, who is somewhat excited by female weight gain and love of food. I'm not a feeder, I don't have feeder fantasies, but I do like cooking for my lady and giving her treats whenever she wants it. I guess some might call me an enabler.
2. My significant other, with whom I've been for over 6 years now and to whom I've been married for over a year now, is a BBW and a foodee. She loves good healthy food and eats more "junky" foods in true moderation (a pizza a week at most and a bit of sweet treats every other day). She likes bigger (but not huge) portions sometimes, but most of the time she likes them the same size as mine (and I stick to rather average ones).
She seemingly has "fat" genes in her family, since quite a number of people in it are fat. Her family has also a history of insulin related problems (up to type II diabetes in more severe cases), but in her case this comes down to slight insulin resistance (slight enough not be confirmed by blood glucose tests). Moreover, two years ago she has developed hypothyroidism after a certain viral infection, but this has been under control for the last year and now she feels good again.
As for her weight, she has been chubby and the fat basically all her life, starting at 5-6 y.o., and has been gaining steadily until we met, when she was 185 lbs or so. Sometimes before that she had short periods when she did not gain and once, after a severe diet paired with exercises, which lasted 2 months, she lost... 2 lbs. After that experience she basically quit any attempts to lose weight actively. After we met she continued gaining, and perhaps it even increased a bit, because she knew from the very beginning that I'm an FA and won't mind if that happens (at the very least). So it was going like 5-8 lbs a year for the first 4 years, but then she got that infection and for a year was not aware, that her thyroid started malfunctioning. So during that year she gained like 20 lbs. At the beginning of 2013 she was diagnosed and put on thyroid medication, and lost 10 lbs within 2-3 months, but I suppose it was mostly water weight, as she stopped being swollen after starting medication and, since then, she regained almost all the weight that she lost, being 230 lbs now.
3. Why is she conflicted? Well, she basically is ok with being a big girl and, frankly, is more accepting of herself now than those 40 lbs ago. However, what frustrates her is the fact that she can't lose weight even if she really wanted to. Or maybe I should actually say, the consequences of going onto a straight diet or exercise regimen cause her to drop any such plans after a month (optimistically) or a week (in most past situations I observed). I do not discourage her to do it or, rather, I have not discouraged her until recently, when she told me she is not frustrated that much by the gain itself but by her failure to control her body and lose weight. The truth is, her conditions combined (slight insulin resistance + hypothyroidism) make it very hard to lose weight without very strong will, motivation and sacrifice. And for someone who loves food, especially Italian, I guess it's even harder. So, after her last breakdown I suggested that she should stop trying to lose weight, as it frustrates her even further and leads to an even faster gain when she gives up the diet and makes up for the days of being hungry, and just attempt to maintain it or at least slow it down to almost a halt, like 1-2 lbs a year, which would be possible without going all nazi on food and going to the gym. So now she just has a piece of cake much less often, we agreed on not having pizza more often than once in 3-4 weeks and we go on walks more often, and plan to hit the swimming pool soon too. I told her if it results in any weight loss - great, that means she can control it, if not - great too, its still under control and not going up into the range which she might find uncomfortable. And if it keeps growing, but slower - then it's still an improvement and at least she'll be fat and healthy. So it's been a week and I guess she feels more at peace then ever, but I guess we need more time to see how all of this will turn out.
4. Why am I confused? Well, the above reasoning I have shown was made with best intentions, but I do like her big, I like those extra 40some lbs she put on since we met and I'm wondering, whether I'm doing the right thing or just something that puts her at ease while I retain the pleasure of looking at and caressing her full (and potentially even fuller) figure. I know she hates diets and heavy exercising and loves food, so this minimum approach that I suggested is convenient for her for sure, but is it the best? I mean, I also told her that if despite the actions taken there occur any worrying symptoms that might be attributed to her weight, I will support her with losing weight even to the point of holding her on course at the moments of weakness or doubt, and I mean it, but I'm still having second thought. It was the first time that I actually discouraged her from trying to lose weight. Earlier I was very rigid about not doing that, because I never wanted her to feel like I want her to get bigger - just made her feel good in whatever size she was at the moment.
I guess that's most of it... I'd be happy to hear some opinions about this whole situation. If anyone has any questions in order to clarify something, I'll do my best to answer them.
