Im not sure where to put this so mods feel free to move it if you feel it better belongs elsewhere. Im also not sure this post will be anything of any substance, I just wanted to vent a bit I guess.
I am at a point in my life where I can truly say I love my body. I love everything about it, the way it looks, the way it feels, everything. I am proud of it, and confident about it. I feel glad to be fat for many reasons, in fact I was discussing it with a size 14 friend. She feels under a lot of pressure to lose weight to get down to a size 10. She also said people notice when she gains like 7lbs and that makes her so paranoid about what she eats.
I dont have that problem. I feel under no pressure to lose weight as I know I would need to lose over 9 stone to get to "my ideal weight" and theres no way thats gonna happen, so why torture myself? I can gain or lose a stone here or there an no one notices. So generally the pressure is off me.
However recently I have noticed I have put on a few pounds. Im talking 5, maybe 6. But this has brought feelings out in me that I have never felt before.
I have realised I am terrified of getting any bigger. I cant explain why. I just want to stay the exact way I am now. Its take me long enough to love and accept this body and I cant do it all over again!
Its actually becoming a bit of an obsession though which is worrying me. I dont want to cut down on my food or exercise any more, as I dont want to lose weight. But I am so scared of gaining. I think I am at my ideal size. Some people look great bigger, I look at the paysite girls and think wow shes beautiful, about girls of all sizes. But I know I dont want to be any bigger than now. I'm freaking out so much about suddenly ballooning out when I decide to have a baby, or when I get older just getting a lot bigger.
I dont know how this post is going to come across. Its certainly not meant to offend in any way. Its just recently these feelings have been consuming me a bit. Ive always been the same when I get a notion in my head it does kinda take over my thoughts for a wee while.
The past week with our schedules and all my Cutie and I have eaten a lot of take-aways and now I am panicking about it! This is so pathetic I know. I love being fat, I love fat women, but I just have this thing that I dont want my own body to change. Its scaring me and I realise I sound a bit crazy here but I just needed to get it all down lol!
I am at a point in my life where I can truly say I love my body. I love everything about it, the way it looks, the way it feels, everything. I am proud of it, and confident about it. I feel glad to be fat for many reasons, in fact I was discussing it with a size 14 friend. She feels under a lot of pressure to lose weight to get down to a size 10. She also said people notice when she gains like 7lbs and that makes her so paranoid about what she eats.
I dont have that problem. I feel under no pressure to lose weight as I know I would need to lose over 9 stone to get to "my ideal weight" and theres no way thats gonna happen, so why torture myself? I can gain or lose a stone here or there an no one notices. So generally the pressure is off me.
However recently I have noticed I have put on a few pounds. Im talking 5, maybe 6. But this has brought feelings out in me that I have never felt before.
I have realised I am terrified of getting any bigger. I cant explain why. I just want to stay the exact way I am now. Its take me long enough to love and accept this body and I cant do it all over again!
Its actually becoming a bit of an obsession though which is worrying me. I dont want to cut down on my food or exercise any more, as I dont want to lose weight. But I am so scared of gaining. I think I am at my ideal size. Some people look great bigger, I look at the paysite girls and think wow shes beautiful, about girls of all sizes. But I know I dont want to be any bigger than now. I'm freaking out so much about suddenly ballooning out when I decide to have a baby, or when I get older just getting a lot bigger.
I dont know how this post is going to come across. Its certainly not meant to offend in any way. Its just recently these feelings have been consuming me a bit. Ive always been the same when I get a notion in my head it does kinda take over my thoughts for a wee while.
The past week with our schedules and all my Cutie and I have eaten a lot of take-aways and now I am panicking about it! This is so pathetic I know. I love being fat, I love fat women, but I just have this thing that I dont want my own body to change. Its scaring me and I realise I sound a bit crazy here but I just needed to get it all down lol!
