The 50 Most Loathesome Americans

[Cobra Verde]

Cuz Suckas Gots Ta Know:

http://buffalobeast.com/the-50-most-loathsome-americans-2/


Not as strong as past year's lists - it's obvious they'll never match the high-water mark of calling Keith Olbermann "somehow even dykier than Rachel Maddow" - but there's still plenty of good hate in there.


High(or low)lights

50) Aaron Sorkin
Charges: Won’t stop writing like Aaron Sorkin. More Sorkin with each Sorkin. Like that scene in Being John Malkovich, every Sorkin character is a Sorkin-headed Sorkin shrieking, “Sorkin!” in coked-up, Asperger-esque Sorkinese–speed-walking through saccharine, ahistoric morality plays in which triangulation evokes lofty scores, social change is effected solely by limousine liberals, and hackneyed drama is typically measured in rainfall.
Smoking Gun: “The Newsroom.”
Sentence: His fresh cup of Chris Matthews’s spittle secretly replaced with Folgers crystals. Will he Sorkin the Sorkin?!

37) Tucker Carlson
Charges: Trust fund douchebag whose perseverance in the face of consistent “journalistic” failure would be admirable were it not derived from a wholly undeserved sense of entitlement. Fought his impending and absolute irrelevance by rerunning a video clip (with the help of Drudge and Hannity) he first reported on in ’07 while at MSNBC which reveals that Barack Obama–hold on to your motherfucking October surprised genitals!–is a black guy. One of the few American pundits who believes that incredulous squinting qualifies as commentary.
Smoking Gun: “This hasn’t been reported. I know because I reported it the first time.”
Sentence: Self-awareness, suicide.

32) You
Charges: You have an opinion on that Twilight slut that cheated on that other Twilight slut, and you’ll share it with anyone who’ll listen. You believe in ghosts, horoscopes, that criminalizing abortion would reduce abortion rates, karma, Fred Thompson’s reverse goddamn mortgages, that Hitler took people’s guns away, that the ATF ran guns into Mexico, and every other dumb-fuck thing because your brain’s an evolutionary mish-mash that’s better at retroactively justifying its near-instant emotional reactions than it is making rational sense of the world. You’re a subconscious brute, largely unaware of your own motivations–an animal automaton programed by biology and society to eschew reason in favor of blind prejudice, tribalism, social climbing, and a perverse ethos that values cowardice and conformity over imagination and the bravery to admit that your entire life is a moot point made by no one at all. And you’re a shitty driver.
Smoking Gun: Honey Boo Boo.
Sentence: Honey Boo Boo.

24) Penn Jillette
Charges: Humiliating himself as Donald Trump’s dancing business-monkey. Featured on a not-so-secret list of sexist creepers within the skeptic/atheist community. He’s an intolerably smug know-it-all who actually knows very little. A devout Randroid and Glenn Beck fan, he’s to the rationalist movement what John Wayne Gacy was to clowns. His thankfully defunct, eponymously titled show “Bullshit,” operated under the tired formula of dirty hippy debates Cato Institute whore, and we learn that second-hand smoke is as safe as Gerber’s. Magic! The Anti-Lorax, Jillette’s an environment-hating buffoon who denied anthropogenic global warming until as late as 2008–because he was too scared of the “political climate.” At least Teller has the decency to never speak.
Smoking Gun: “Voting for our government to use guns to give money to help poor and suffering people is immoral self-righteous bullying laziness.”
Sentence: Forced at government gunpoint to work as Trump’s hair illusionist.

 

[lypeaches]