Russell Williams
Well-Known Member
THE ANTHROPOLOGY LESSON
Class, in our anthropological studies this year we have studied many strange customs. We have considered the magic, totems, and taboos of many differing cultures. Today we shall discuss the magical rites surrounding the oracle of the American female.
Webber states that Puritanism removed magic from the western world, yet here in the midst of rational 20th century America there is a magical artifact that is daily consulted by millions of otherwise intelligent, logical, American women. Every 24 hours women across the nation take on the role of acolyte and approach this artifact in trepidation as they seek its daily pronouncements about themselves. American women truly believe that this inanimate object has the power to determine their worth as human beings. In many cases these same women believe in their professional competence and demand to be treated as independent, intelligent, beings. Yet, in their minds, competence and independence count for naught when confronting this artifact, this oracle. No matter how educated and competent the consulter, nor how bitterly critical the oracle is of the consulter, no woman would dare commit the heresy of ignoring the pronouncements of the oracle, or face certain social ignominy by removing this feared and revered object from the home.
In most homes this artifact, which controls the lives of the women of America, is found in a special room and consulted in private. In fact, a specific, almost pervasive ritual surrounds the presentation of the acolyte to the oracle.
The woman seeking a pronouncement from the oracle about her worth refrains from ingestion of any food products, attends to bodily functions, and then and only then, stripped of all accouterments, naked and alone, the supplicant timorously approaches the oracle artifact.
This mind controlling oracle comes in a variety of sizes and shapes, the most common form is about 2 to 3 inches high, one foot wide, 15 inches long, and made of metal with a top covered by rubber. Inserted in one small area of the top is a transparent glass or plastic window through which a small portion of the inner workings of the artifact may be discerned. The acolyte consultant, as if in control of the situation, continues with the ritual involving this seemingly innocuous bit of American technology by standing most irreverently upon it. From this lofty vantage point the postulant, necked and alone, requests a pronouncement. There are those who argue that standing on one side or another will produce a more favorable pronouncement.
Strangely enough the pronouncement of the artifact is determined by an examination of its innards. The transparent material on the top is to facilitate said examination. Just as the Romans would examine goat innards, and the Chinese, chicken innards, in order to determine the opinion of the gods, middle class American women allow their examination of the innards of this sacred artifact (called "the scale") to determine their behavior for the day. If it is determined that the scale god has given it's smile of approval, a woman will go through the day with her head held high, secure in the knowledge of the scale god's approval.
But woe to those women whose examination of the interior of the scale god shows that he has not approved of their actions. Such women try to hide their bodies in fear that the reason for the scale god's displeasure will be obvious to all. These women, who the scale god has expressed displeasure at, become filled with self loathing. They hope to appease the scale god by eating only special foods from the scale god's approved list. (There are many religious books, collectively called diet books, which, though often contradictory, purport to list the dietary laws demanded by the scale god.) Women truly seem to believe that if they obey all the commands of the scale god, as set forth in one of his holy diet texts, that, in time, examination of the scale god's inner workings will show approval, and that the world will be sunny and happy as it always is for those who obey the commands of the scale god.
It has proven futile to point out to the worshipers of the scale god that not all cultures venerate the scale god. The true believer is not tolerant of those of other faiths and seeks only to convert all to the worship of the great god Scale. The true believer quickly recites a litany of the evils that befall those who do not worship the scale god. Those who do not follow the ritual will be poor, ugly, unloved, unsexed, and have short, unpleasant, lives ending in painful early deaths. The true believer is utterly unable to comprehend how anyone could have a satisfactory existence without using the inhuman single eye of this critical, uncaring, uncompromising, irrational critic, with its magical numbers and diet worship books, to determine their daily worth as a person.
Since in American culture freedom of religion is viewed as a valuable thing, one might wonder why there is this intolerance of those who do not worship the great god Scale. The worshipers of the scale god view their religious practices as science rather then religion, and while Americans believe in freedom of religion they do not believe in freedom of science.
Russell F. Williams MA
and
Abby Bringmann. MA
Revised and enlarged 7/87
Class, in our anthropological studies this year we have studied many strange customs. We have considered the magic, totems, and taboos of many differing cultures. Today we shall discuss the magical rites surrounding the oracle of the American female.
Webber states that Puritanism removed magic from the western world, yet here in the midst of rational 20th century America there is a magical artifact that is daily consulted by millions of otherwise intelligent, logical, American women. Every 24 hours women across the nation take on the role of acolyte and approach this artifact in trepidation as they seek its daily pronouncements about themselves. American women truly believe that this inanimate object has the power to determine their worth as human beings. In many cases these same women believe in their professional competence and demand to be treated as independent, intelligent, beings. Yet, in their minds, competence and independence count for naught when confronting this artifact, this oracle. No matter how educated and competent the consulter, nor how bitterly critical the oracle is of the consulter, no woman would dare commit the heresy of ignoring the pronouncements of the oracle, or face certain social ignominy by removing this feared and revered object from the home.
In most homes this artifact, which controls the lives of the women of America, is found in a special room and consulted in private. In fact, a specific, almost pervasive ritual surrounds the presentation of the acolyte to the oracle.
The woman seeking a pronouncement from the oracle about her worth refrains from ingestion of any food products, attends to bodily functions, and then and only then, stripped of all accouterments, naked and alone, the supplicant timorously approaches the oracle artifact.
This mind controlling oracle comes in a variety of sizes and shapes, the most common form is about 2 to 3 inches high, one foot wide, 15 inches long, and made of metal with a top covered by rubber. Inserted in one small area of the top is a transparent glass or plastic window through which a small portion of the inner workings of the artifact may be discerned. The acolyte consultant, as if in control of the situation, continues with the ritual involving this seemingly innocuous bit of American technology by standing most irreverently upon it. From this lofty vantage point the postulant, necked and alone, requests a pronouncement. There are those who argue that standing on one side or another will produce a more favorable pronouncement.
Strangely enough the pronouncement of the artifact is determined by an examination of its innards. The transparent material on the top is to facilitate said examination. Just as the Romans would examine goat innards, and the Chinese, chicken innards, in order to determine the opinion of the gods, middle class American women allow their examination of the innards of this sacred artifact (called "the scale") to determine their behavior for the day. If it is determined that the scale god has given it's smile of approval, a woman will go through the day with her head held high, secure in the knowledge of the scale god's approval.
But woe to those women whose examination of the interior of the scale god shows that he has not approved of their actions. Such women try to hide their bodies in fear that the reason for the scale god's displeasure will be obvious to all. These women, who the scale god has expressed displeasure at, become filled with self loathing. They hope to appease the scale god by eating only special foods from the scale god's approved list. (There are many religious books, collectively called diet books, which, though often contradictory, purport to list the dietary laws demanded by the scale god.) Women truly seem to believe that if they obey all the commands of the scale god, as set forth in one of his holy diet texts, that, in time, examination of the scale god's inner workings will show approval, and that the world will be sunny and happy as it always is for those who obey the commands of the scale god.
It has proven futile to point out to the worshipers of the scale god that not all cultures venerate the scale god. The true believer is not tolerant of those of other faiths and seeks only to convert all to the worship of the great god Scale. The true believer quickly recites a litany of the evils that befall those who do not worship the scale god. Those who do not follow the ritual will be poor, ugly, unloved, unsexed, and have short, unpleasant, lives ending in painful early deaths. The true believer is utterly unable to comprehend how anyone could have a satisfactory existence without using the inhuman single eye of this critical, uncaring, uncompromising, irrational critic, with its magical numbers and diet worship books, to determine their daily worth as a person.
Since in American culture freedom of religion is viewed as a valuable thing, one might wonder why there is this intolerance of those who do not worship the great god Scale. The worshipers of the scale god view their religious practices as science rather then religion, and while Americans believe in freedom of religion they do not believe in freedom of science.
Russell F. Williams MA
and
Abby Bringmann. MA
Revised and enlarged 7/87
