This week I've ended things with a man with whom I've had an on/off thing for the past seven years. It got so bad towards the end that I can barely remember any good times we had.
I spent hours online reading about passive aggressives and it was clear he met every criteria and that many women had gone through what I did. There were lies, more lies, manipulation, neglect, obstructionism. If anyone else has dealt with a real passive aggressive, you know what I'm talking about.
A passive aggressive never says no. They're too afraid of conflict. So they say yes to everything and then simply don't follow through leaving you angry, frustrated, and disappointed. A PA is afraid of dependence and needing somebody, so he punishes her. He lies, he withdraws, he ignores her. When she reaches out because she needs something, he turns away. Any attempt she makes to draw closer is met with resentment and some sort of punishment.
Passive aggressives are super manipulators. If you get angry, they get angry at you for being angry. If you're upset he neglected your birthday, he turns it around to complain about how busy he is at work and how you're a terrible uncaring person for not understanding how overworked he is. If you had a bad day his was worse. If you're needy you're pushed away with twin reassurances that he does love you but that you're not being understanding about his needs.
They are all talk and no action. All broken promises. Your self esteem is gone because you wonder why you're being treated that way. The withdrawing is the worst because the more you beg, plead, cry, and express your needs the worse it gets. With a PA you're not allowed to have needs; only his needs matter. A PA will treat you like garbage and then force you to apologize for being angry and resentful. A PA will treat you like garbage and then insist you see just how terrible you are because you become enraged and launch attacks on him. The best thing i've read is that when you rage at a passive aggressive it's a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.
When it's over you see it for the abuse it always was. Rejection is fine, what's not fine is for somebody to say they love you and then neglect to treat you properly.
I spent hours online reading about passive aggressives and it was clear he met every criteria and that many women had gone through what I did. There were lies, more lies, manipulation, neglect, obstructionism. If anyone else has dealt with a real passive aggressive, you know what I'm talking about.
A passive aggressive never says no. They're too afraid of conflict. So they say yes to everything and then simply don't follow through leaving you angry, frustrated, and disappointed. A PA is afraid of dependence and needing somebody, so he punishes her. He lies, he withdraws, he ignores her. When she reaches out because she needs something, he turns away. Any attempt she makes to draw closer is met with resentment and some sort of punishment.
Passive aggressives are super manipulators. If you get angry, they get angry at you for being angry. If you're upset he neglected your birthday, he turns it around to complain about how busy he is at work and how you're a terrible uncaring person for not understanding how overworked he is. If you had a bad day his was worse. If you're needy you're pushed away with twin reassurances that he does love you but that you're not being understanding about his needs.
They are all talk and no action. All broken promises. Your self esteem is gone because you wonder why you're being treated that way. The withdrawing is the worst because the more you beg, plead, cry, and express your needs the worse it gets. With a PA you're not allowed to have needs; only his needs matter. A PA will treat you like garbage and then force you to apologize for being angry and resentful. A PA will treat you like garbage and then insist you see just how terrible you are because you become enraged and launch attacks on him. The best thing i've read is that when you rage at a passive aggressive it's a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.
When it's over you see it for the abuse it always was. Rejection is fine, what's not fine is for somebody to say they love you and then neglect to treat you properly.
