OK, this is basically a re-iteration of a topic I discussed with an old gender studies class, but I though I might see if anyone had some views here (seeing as I was the only fatty in my gender class, so we moved on from this fairly quickly).
It occurred to me when we were discussing femininity that when I was in high school I wasn't very feminine at all. I was very androgynous, more tomboyish/ male looking and never had any feminine trappings like makeup or jewelry or fitted clothes. I wore very baggy heavy metal t shirts and combats. Or three quarter length combats in summer. And Doc Martins. And I often tied my hair up and hid it under a hat.
As soon as I got involved with Fat Acceptance and the Size Community, I started doing all these feminine things. I plucked my eyebrows and sometimes wore makeup and brightly coloured feminine clothes and high heels and earrings and erm.... the pretty stuff.
So I had a think about why that was. I think there was obviously a large dose of confidence building and feeling attractive in there that made me do these things, but I also think it was because of my socialisation in high school, and that as this changed with the wider association with fat community, this was altered.
In high school, I hung around with a group of 9-10 guys, and I was the only girl. And they were completely uninterested in me as a woman. Period. And they made it very clear that this was because I was fat. My fat set me apart from other women. Fat is not feminine, therefore I was not feminine, therefore I wasn't really a girl, and therefore not a target for possible dating (in their eyes). Any reference to myself as a girl was met with revulsion and/or mockery and so I became convinced that, as a fat being, I could never be a feminine woman.
I realise that this is just their perception and many FA's swear blind that fat women are MORE feminine, but the point I'm making is about how the perception of femininity around you can affect your own internal identification of whether you are or are not feminine. I didnt feel like a girly girl in high school, I felt like a tomboy. I feel extremely feminine now, even if I'm completely naked and their isn't a smidgin of difference in appearance between naked teenage me and naked early twenties me. Except my butt is now more epic in its dimensions.
When I discovered fat acceptance, I got involved with a group of people who didn't let fat get in the way of who they were and who they wanted to be, and I realised I could have all the feminine things I wanted without being weird (which I know sounds bizarre) I jumped into it headfirst and discovered corsetry and leather heels. Which are AWESOME.
I'm confusing myself slightly here, but I think I'm trying to ask if other peoples perceptions of their own femininity changed depending on who they knew/ where they were in their lives and when they discovered the Fat Acceptance community.
It occurred to me when we were discussing femininity that when I was in high school I wasn't very feminine at all. I was very androgynous, more tomboyish/ male looking and never had any feminine trappings like makeup or jewelry or fitted clothes. I wore very baggy heavy metal t shirts and combats. Or three quarter length combats in summer. And Doc Martins. And I often tied my hair up and hid it under a hat.
As soon as I got involved with Fat Acceptance and the Size Community, I started doing all these feminine things. I plucked my eyebrows and sometimes wore makeup and brightly coloured feminine clothes and high heels and earrings and erm.... the pretty stuff.
So I had a think about why that was. I think there was obviously a large dose of confidence building and feeling attractive in there that made me do these things, but I also think it was because of my socialisation in high school, and that as this changed with the wider association with fat community, this was altered.
In high school, I hung around with a group of 9-10 guys, and I was the only girl. And they were completely uninterested in me as a woman. Period. And they made it very clear that this was because I was fat. My fat set me apart from other women. Fat is not feminine, therefore I was not feminine, therefore I wasn't really a girl, and therefore not a target for possible dating (in their eyes). Any reference to myself as a girl was met with revulsion and/or mockery and so I became convinced that, as a fat being, I could never be a feminine woman.
I realise that this is just their perception and many FA's swear blind that fat women are MORE feminine, but the point I'm making is about how the perception of femininity around you can affect your own internal identification of whether you are or are not feminine. I didnt feel like a girly girl in high school, I felt like a tomboy. I feel extremely feminine now, even if I'm completely naked and their isn't a smidgin of difference in appearance between naked teenage me and naked early twenties me. Except my butt is now more epic in its dimensions.
When I discovered fat acceptance, I got involved with a group of people who didn't let fat get in the way of who they were and who they wanted to be, and I realised I could have all the feminine things I wanted without being weird (which I know sounds bizarre) I jumped into it headfirst and discovered corsetry and leather heels. Which are AWESOME.
I'm confusing myself slightly here, but I think I'm trying to ask if other peoples perceptions of their own femininity changed depending on who they knew/ where they were in their lives and when they discovered the Fat Acceptance community.
