"I hate my life and I want to die." These words were spoken by Kurt Cobain a number of years ago, and I feel I am following the path to death just as he did. I have been fat all my life. I hate it, and I hate myself. In almost 40 years, I have never had a girlfriend. I have had women I have had sex with, usually because I was the best of what was left for them. But even they were few and far between. I think I am a nice guy, but that doesn't seem to be enough. I am six feet tall and just under four hundred and fifty pounds. I have tried to lose but cannot. It is a character flaw. I have tried dating services (one of which suggested I keep my money, for they thought they would not be able to help me), online dating, even meeting women at bars. I am intelligent and have a good career. I think I am a nice guy, and am told that by others. Unfortunately, lonliness fosters despair, and I have had all the lonliness and despair that I care to. Quite honestly, I feel I have grown almost dead emotionally, spiritually and socially.... And that physical death is all that is left.
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The worst thing you can be in life is different
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