I'm not really sure where the right part of the forum to put this is.
I'm a gainer (stopped for a while but then came back to it last year), I'm about 245 pounds, 5'7", and I'm going for around 300-320.
I've identified as gay most of my life. I also spent most of my life being completely emasculated. I never even allowed myself to look at women because I had been taught in church in my youth that it was a horrible sin to have the desire to look at women naked, and in my later years that it was degrading to women to look at them sexually and that it would somehow make me a bad person. So I just suppressed my attractions. Yeah, that sounds nuts, but I had kind-of a messed up upbringing.
The past couple years that has changed, but with the exception of putting out some ads on CraigsList that turned out disastrous just in the responses, I haven't really made much of an attempt at trying to find/date women. My ads on CraigsList were such a disaster, I had people responding with lots of insults, either that or spam.
I've pretty much not had much problem finding guys (bears generally) that have been into me, including how I love being a musky guy---I don't do deodorant and I don't do anything at all with my pits, and I love it that way. But the idea of trying to look into the possibility of women being into me without my having to tone down some things has just been completely foreboding.
I seem to represent pretty much the opposite of what most women would have any interest in at all. I'm pretty trashy. I don't believe in suits and ties, I don't believe in polo shirts, I dress like the equivalent of a bad stereotype of trailer trash--super-short cutoff jeans, shirts that ride up past my bellybutton, that's just how I like to present myself, I love being a freak, I enjoy the attention besides just liking the way it looks. Here's a video of about 18 pounds ago: [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYOW7GVWJZU[/ame]
I started to give up. Last month I renounced my bisexuality, and then it came back to hurt me this month---I just can't do it, I can't live a lie. I like women (and I like guys too, obviously), but I haven't dared to do what is necessary. I've still never been with a woman my entire life. I usually just kept defaulting back to men because I assumed it was easier--and maybe it is.
Maybe someone here might be able to give me a little insight on this. Some perspective. Some ideas. Some input.
I don't want to change who I am to be with someone. I figure if someone likes me for me, it's all good. If they don't like me, they don't like me. I can't make someone like me, and if I try, I'm being fake. I refuse to be fake.
When I try to talk about this sort of thing with my gay friends, they usually tell me the same types of things that people tell young men who say they think they might be gay, "Oh, it's just a phase." or something like that. Or they'll say "Well, if you've mainly been attracted to guys, why bother with women, it's so much harder and they're more temperamental." and stuff like that. I get a lot of misogynistic responses from people, and I haven't really appreciated it.
Then there's all the internet extremist radfems who say such horrible things about men, as if my having attractions to women is degrading to women just by itself. That certainly doesn't help things.
So yeah, any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
I'm a gainer (stopped for a while but then came back to it last year), I'm about 245 pounds, 5'7", and I'm going for around 300-320.
I've identified as gay most of my life. I also spent most of my life being completely emasculated. I never even allowed myself to look at women because I had been taught in church in my youth that it was a horrible sin to have the desire to look at women naked, and in my later years that it was degrading to women to look at them sexually and that it would somehow make me a bad person. So I just suppressed my attractions. Yeah, that sounds nuts, but I had kind-of a messed up upbringing.
The past couple years that has changed, but with the exception of putting out some ads on CraigsList that turned out disastrous just in the responses, I haven't really made much of an attempt at trying to find/date women. My ads on CraigsList were such a disaster, I had people responding with lots of insults, either that or spam.
I've pretty much not had much problem finding guys (bears generally) that have been into me, including how I love being a musky guy---I don't do deodorant and I don't do anything at all with my pits, and I love it that way. But the idea of trying to look into the possibility of women being into me without my having to tone down some things has just been completely foreboding.
I seem to represent pretty much the opposite of what most women would have any interest in at all. I'm pretty trashy. I don't believe in suits and ties, I don't believe in polo shirts, I dress like the equivalent of a bad stereotype of trailer trash--super-short cutoff jeans, shirts that ride up past my bellybutton, that's just how I like to present myself, I love being a freak, I enjoy the attention besides just liking the way it looks. Here's a video of about 18 pounds ago: [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYOW7GVWJZU[/ame]
I started to give up. Last month I renounced my bisexuality, and then it came back to hurt me this month---I just can't do it, I can't live a lie. I like women (and I like guys too, obviously), but I haven't dared to do what is necessary. I've still never been with a woman my entire life. I usually just kept defaulting back to men because I assumed it was easier--and maybe it is.
Maybe someone here might be able to give me a little insight on this. Some perspective. Some ideas. Some input.
I don't want to change who I am to be with someone. I figure if someone likes me for me, it's all good. If they don't like me, they don't like me. I can't make someone like me, and if I try, I'm being fake. I refuse to be fake.
When I try to talk about this sort of thing with my gay friends, they usually tell me the same types of things that people tell young men who say they think they might be gay, "Oh, it's just a phase." or something like that. Or they'll say "Well, if you've mainly been attracted to guys, why bother with women, it's so much harder and they're more temperamental." and stuff like that. I get a lot of misogynistic responses from people, and I haven't really appreciated it.
Then there's all the internet extremist radfems who say such horrible things about men, as if my having attractions to women is degrading to women just by itself. That certainly doesn't help things.
So yeah, any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
