exile in thighville
groups/347570880589/
I have to do it somewhere and my blog is professional so I won't there. Plus, I smell sympathy.
A colleague of mine is a pretty unspeakably big asshole, apparently. I'm on a board of critics who wrote for Stylus Magazine before it closed and a thread came up for Fat Princess. They know I'm an FA, and tend to get very self-righteous about it. Being intellectuals, the bigoted ones here are less of the "that's unhealthy" sort than "you must be into fucking fat girls as a bizarre defense mechanism."
Anyway, the Fat Princess discussion was actually really good! A lot of good talk about whether violence in video games actually affects kids and whatnot. And my FA-ness was mentioned in jest, which I liked, for once. Then this happened:
"For the record, I have no problem with feminists or gender theory. I do have a problem with a video game that hasn't yet been released to be pored over for four pages only to end with a promotion of Dan's thorny, tiresome, and self-serving proselytizing of his love for overweight women."
I've gotten into some ugly fights on this board and I'm just not into that these days. I ignored the post and emailed the guy, and it was pretty shocking how fucked up his response was.
And that is what I have to share with you folk. Read on.
My first email.
"For the record, I have no problem with feminists or gender theory. I do have a problem with a video game that hasn't yet been released to be pored over for four pages only to end with a promotion of Dan's thorny, tiresome, and self-serving proselytizing of his love for overweight women."
I didn't come to back to the board to change diapers. If you really want to have this talk, we live in the same city and you can say this to my face, or at least privately over email. But I didn't return to the board so someone I know in real life can just call me out as "thorny, tiresome, self-serving" in front of my peers, at least half with whom I have a pretty respectful working relationship. That thread is one of the most intelligent discussions I've had in a bit...what makes you so uncomfortable? And perhaps you could show me where I'm proselytizing...was it "I'm calling some fat bitches?"
For the record, I don't even want to have this talk. But if you have the energy to say something in front of everyone, I hope you can back it up.
His response
Dan,
You're getting overworked for no reason. One thing I will not tolerate are e-mails from you with vague threats as the subject title and long digressions on our relationship, which is not much of one. I don't accept these e-mails from anyone, what makes you any different?
If you don't see what you do with regards to overweight women as some sort of bizarre defense mechanism (or how other people could interpret it that way), then I don't know what to tell you. No amount of dialogue between the two of us or between you and anyone else can resolve this quandary. This much is evident.
For the record, I don't mind you coming back to the board. What I do mind is being told what I can and can't say there, especially by you, who arrived at Stylus a full year after I did and whose contribution is arguably the smallest in comparison to everyone else on the board, your new blog included. I have fine relationships with many people there as well, some of whom are very good friends. Also, since we're on the record, that discussion is not worthwhile.
I wouldn't waste your time responding. My response will be "discard." Most of what I do on the board is in jest, but you continually cross the line when you step into e-mail territory, and this has been noted by a number of people.
My response (he probably discarded)
"...bizarre defense mechanism"
of what? what i "do with them??" what the fucking fuck? what i'm "doing with them" this weekend is attending a movie night.
my contribution is "smallest?" what do i say to this? below the belt, man.
there is nothing to threaten, i just want to know how you get off disrespecting me in so many ways when i haven't said shit to you and then say i'm getting overworked for no reason.
disappointing all around.
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It's pretty fucked up to have someone accuse you of having a dubious love of "overweight" (I take offense to this term but I'm choosing my battles) women...I guess he means I do it because I have low self-esteem? Or something?
And then say that there's nothing to discuss about it, and oh by the way, your work sucks.
I feel kind of low, honestly. This guy's older than me, in the writing game longer, writes for Blender, a magazine I've yet to get accepted by, and had his presentation at the EMP conference praised by my favorite rockcrit. So no need to squash me from his height. At least his flaming shittiness might get him in trouble with someone more powerful someday.
A colleague of mine is a pretty unspeakably big asshole, apparently. I'm on a board of critics who wrote for Stylus Magazine before it closed and a thread came up for Fat Princess. They know I'm an FA, and tend to get very self-righteous about it. Being intellectuals, the bigoted ones here are less of the "that's unhealthy" sort than "you must be into fucking fat girls as a bizarre defense mechanism."
Anyway, the Fat Princess discussion was actually really good! A lot of good talk about whether violence in video games actually affects kids and whatnot. And my FA-ness was mentioned in jest, which I liked, for once. Then this happened:
"For the record, I have no problem with feminists or gender theory. I do have a problem with a video game that hasn't yet been released to be pored over for four pages only to end with a promotion of Dan's thorny, tiresome, and self-serving proselytizing of his love for overweight women."
I've gotten into some ugly fights on this board and I'm just not into that these days. I ignored the post and emailed the guy, and it was pretty shocking how fucked up his response was.
And that is what I have to share with you folk. Read on.
My first email.
"For the record, I have no problem with feminists or gender theory. I do have a problem with a video game that hasn't yet been released to be pored over for four pages only to end with a promotion of Dan's thorny, tiresome, and self-serving proselytizing of his love for overweight women."
I didn't come to back to the board to change diapers. If you really want to have this talk, we live in the same city and you can say this to my face, or at least privately over email. But I didn't return to the board so someone I know in real life can just call me out as "thorny, tiresome, self-serving" in front of my peers, at least half with whom I have a pretty respectful working relationship. That thread is one of the most intelligent discussions I've had in a bit...what makes you so uncomfortable? And perhaps you could show me where I'm proselytizing...was it "I'm calling some fat bitches?"
For the record, I don't even want to have this talk. But if you have the energy to say something in front of everyone, I hope you can back it up.
His response
Dan,
You're getting overworked for no reason. One thing I will not tolerate are e-mails from you with vague threats as the subject title and long digressions on our relationship, which is not much of one. I don't accept these e-mails from anyone, what makes you any different?
If you don't see what you do with regards to overweight women as some sort of bizarre defense mechanism (or how other people could interpret it that way), then I don't know what to tell you. No amount of dialogue between the two of us or between you and anyone else can resolve this quandary. This much is evident.
For the record, I don't mind you coming back to the board. What I do mind is being told what I can and can't say there, especially by you, who arrived at Stylus a full year after I did and whose contribution is arguably the smallest in comparison to everyone else on the board, your new blog included. I have fine relationships with many people there as well, some of whom are very good friends. Also, since we're on the record, that discussion is not worthwhile.
I wouldn't waste your time responding. My response will be "discard." Most of what I do on the board is in jest, but you continually cross the line when you step into e-mail territory, and this has been noted by a number of people.
My response (he probably discarded)
"...bizarre defense mechanism"
of what? what i "do with them??" what the fucking fuck? what i'm "doing with them" this weekend is attending a movie night.
my contribution is "smallest?" what do i say to this? below the belt, man.
there is nothing to threaten, i just want to know how you get off disrespecting me in so many ways when i haven't said shit to you and then say i'm getting overworked for no reason.
disappointing all around.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's pretty fucked up to have someone accuse you of having a dubious love of "overweight" (I take offense to this term but I'm choosing my battles) women...I guess he means I do it because I have low self-esteem? Or something?
And then say that there's nothing to discuss about it, and oh by the way, your work sucks.
I feel kind of low, honestly. This guy's older than me, in the writing game longer, writes for Blender, a magazine I've yet to get accepted by, and had his presentation at the EMP conference praised by my favorite rockcrit. So no need to squash me from his height. At least his flaming shittiness might get him in trouble with someone more powerful someday.
